Well at least you're embracing the fact that you're an uncool geek, it's good to be true to yourself!

Of course you realize you won't be anymore popular than you are right now, in fact you'll possibly be even LESS popular, but again at least you'll be with liked minded folks such as yourself. Also, your chances of ever getting to even TOUCH a girl have probably decreased dramatically, but still at least you'll have a hobby to keep yourself occupied on those dateless nights you'll be in store for.

However all gaming groups aren't created equal, are you actually going to be playing games with other people in person, OR are you just going retreat into the internet world and join an online game?

You uh...maybe you should practice your social skills online, before you move on to real people...

Still being socially inept, you decide to join one of the many online gaming groups. You figure if you fuck up in making friends, you can just change your name and pose as someone new. Ah yes the joys of animosity on the internet!

First you go out and buy the most popular online game right now to install it on your computer and within just a few minutes you're in a whole new virtual world! You create a basic character and set off eager to make online friends who you can play with at any time!

After taking you elf character D'annt Felspy through the starting town, you find out that folks aren't too friendly with you at all. You keep getting the taunts of "U STOOPID NOOB" and "U SUXXOR LOL!" It's all very disheartening.

However all is not lost, eventually you find some people that invite you into their clan called the "New Adventuring Mighty Brave Leaders Alliance" which you find to be an odd name, but they seem very friendly towards you so you agree to join. They say they like to recruit young newbies like yourself because they all know what its like to be persecuted for simply being who they are.

At last you think you've found some friends here and as luck would have it many of the members of the New Adventuring Mighty Brave Leaders Alliance seem to be chicks, and many of them seem to be flirtatious with you! You might be a big loser with the ladies in real life, but online you're cat nip! You're already getting two chicks, one named Jamie and another called Kelly asking you to send a picture of yourself to them, but you don't have a scanner, so you say you'll have to do that later.

In the meantime you also want to play the game a bit more, which is cool in itself. Thanks to your lack of a real social life you have tons of time to play the game and you begin to level your elf up very quickly. Pretty soon your character is very powerful in fact one of the MOST powerful and you're getting a lot of respect not just from your clan, but from other players as well. When you reach level fifty, Kelly says she wants to have "teh syber secks" with you. Of course being the horny virgin you are, you jump at the chance. Your characters go into you own private castle that you acquired when you defeated the blue assed giant dragon of vomitious destruction and you proceed to type misspelled swear words to each other while masturbating with your free hand. You and Kelly do this a lot. She says she really wants to meet you in person soon. You never thought that this could ever happen. You're popular, you've got friends, you've got power and you've got a girlfriend. Yeah, it's the virtual world, but you'll take it because you are GOD here!

Sadly the big crash comes to end it all, literally.

While playing the game one day, a freak power surge fries your computer while you're in the middle of playing! After panicking a bit, you manage to get your computer working and rebooted again. You hastily go online to check your character to see what equipment you lost since it was awhile since you saved, but unfortunately you didn't just lose your equipment you lost your entire character. Your elf is GONE. You are devastated by this loss. Your fellow clan members sympathize with you, and say they still like you and will accept you no matter what new character you play. Kelly says she still wants to meet you in person so that she can better help you through your loss, but none of it comforts you. You identified so much with your character that you actually began to believe you WERE him and now he's dead and you feel like you should be too.

With this last morbid thought in your mind you end up hanging yourself over your loss.

Or as they say on teh internet:

GAME OVER BITCH! LOL!

The moral of the story?

GET OFF THE FUCKING INTERNET AND STOP TAKING SHIT ON IT SO FUCKING SERIOUSLY! It's the goddamn virtual world for fuck's sake.

And by the way, you were "virtually fucking" a fat forty year old pedophile, not some hot chick. Shit, 90% of the "chicks" online are really guys anyway. That's another lesson you probably should've learned, you cyber fag.

And now you know!