You wake up and dread the fact that you've entered the real world again. The dream world will have to wait until later.

You don't like real world, never have. It's why you like to sleep. It allows you to get away from the reality for a little while. It's also why you prefer to hang out on your computer all night and day.

It's not really because you're afraid of the real world, it's just that you don't have that much interest in it. Sometimes it can be fascinating, but over all you just find it to be involve so much boring tedium that you'd prefer to remove yourself as much as you can from it.

It's also probably why you're over 18 and still living at home.

You're a basement dweller.

Fortunately you're one of the productive ones. You contribute to the household by buying and selling useless shit on Ebay. Unfortunately this is still "work" and as a result, it's a hassle so you probably don't put as much effort as you should into it. In fact you're more inclined to keep the stuff you buy due to your interest in odd things.

Despite your limiting of outside world contact, you can't help but feel like something different is going to happen today. You start daydreaming about possible things that could happen to you until you quickly snap yourself out of it.

As much as you'd like to waste time daydreaming, playing video games or other time wasting activities on the internet, you probably should go to "work."

Well don't just sit there with a thumb up your ass, you gonna buy useless shit, or sell it?

You sell useless shit

It literally pains you to part with anything being the fuckin' obsessed pack rat you are, but you need to start earning your keep again. The problem is you'll only part with a few things and those things are shit that nobody wants!

You can't believe that nobody would want things like S&M Elmo or Trailer Trash Barbie! And you can't even wrap your mind around the fact that people don't want your used toothpick collection from around the world!

Well it looks like the demand is currently for "Big Objects" and the only two big objects you have that you're willing to part with are your full set elephant bones and your Kudzu plant.

Of course there's always a demand for porn, but you're sort of attached to your collection of that stuff.

You sell your elephant bones

You get an offer for $15,000 dollars! You take it! Man, what a sucker! You don't feel like wrapping up the bones and shipping them so you tell the guy to pick them up at your house. He said he'll come by with a briefcase of money.

Soon you get a knock on the door. You answer it and a strange looking scientist type appears before you.

"Hello, I'm here for my Elephant Man bones." he says

ELEPHANT MAN? No wonder they sold for so much! This dickhead thought he was buying the remains of a medical curiosity, not that of an actual elephant!

"Hey I think there's been a mistake. It's just a regular elephant buddy. Still, should be good for something in the science field right?"
"What?! This is false advertising! I demand my Elephant Man bones!"

The scientist is very angry, but he doesn't seem to realize that mistake has been made. He thinks that you're holding out on him and trying to renig on the deal. You tell him that the deal's off and he can keep his money if he's so unhappy, but he won't hear any of it, he's demanding that you give him his Elephant Man Bones!

He pulls out a pistol!

You try to hide

Sensing that you're looking around to hide behind cover, he fires before you can move!

Nothing happens.

Realizing he forgot to put bullets into the thing, he throws the gun at your head, which you easily duck. You grab a nearby lamp and clobber him in the face with it. He goes down like a sack of potatoes.

Seriously, as if you'd really sell the bones of the Elephant Man in your basement!

You take the briefcase of money, drag him out to the curb for the derelicts to have their way with and think nothing more of it.