You aren't anybody unless you're popular! Okay well it's not entirely a bad thing to be social; it's perfectly natural to want to go along with the rest of the sheep. Though what KIND of sheep you're going to be going along with might make a big difference in your life.

You must choose, but choose wisely because this is ALL going on your permanent record.

You join a band! Musicians get all the girls!

Well you don't seem to have any other talent of any kind so being a musician might be the way to go.

You decide joining band in school is out though. You need to join a REAL band, if you want to be popular. You know there's a group of guys that THINK they're musicians, so lacking any better ideas you head to the garage where they play horribly in their spare time.

"Hey guys, I heard you need a fourth member for your band." You shout over the noise they're causing. The bald headed one with the sunglasses and guitar addresses you.

"What? Naw man, we've just decided to be a three piece and I'll be singing all the songs. It's a lot easier to keep track of that way." He says as he drinks a can of beer.
"Is that beer?" you ask.
"Huh? Yeah, you ain't never seen one before or something?"
"Don't your parents care?"
"Shit no! Zack's Mom is fuckin' cool! She let's us practice here and drink all the beer we like!" a rather hyper bass player exclaims.
"Yeah, and she's like fuckin' hot too! I'd seriously fuck the shit outta her!" the drummer adds.
"Hey fuck you Jake, I told you to stop talkin' about my Mom!"

"Come on gimme a chance, I really want to be in the band!" you whine.
"Shit, this guy sounds like that stupid bitch a month ago that blew all of us when we told her that in order to see if she could sing well, she needed to exercise her throat and tongue." The bass play says.
"Yeah, well we all know you're a secret fag Ed, but we won't be doing THAT. (Sigh) Ah fuck it, I don't really like singing anyway, here's our latest song lyrics let's see what you can do."

You've been given a chance to join something bigger than yourself! This is the biggest thing that's ever occurred to you in your whole insignificant life!

Now you just have to figure out a way to NOT fuck it up, which may be difficult since now you're all nervous to the point of being paralyzed. Good thing this isn't sex, knowing you, you probably would've fucking fainted when the girl unfastened her bra.

You start singing

You go up to the mic and meekly start trying to "sing" over the deafening noise. It's clear you aren't loud enough and Zack and the others start shouting at you as they continue to play.

"SING INTO THE MOTHERFUCKER MAN!"
"YEAH, DON'T BE A GODDAMN PUSSY!"

This unique form of encouragement doesn't make you sing any better. In fact you're just pathetic all the way around considering that you can't even do better than a bunch of losers who can't play worth a shit in the first place. Finally Zack stops and begins to berate you in a more hostile manner.

"Get the fuck outta here! You ain't cool and you ain't no musician ya fuckin' dick!" he says pushing you.
"Yeah well you aren't either!" you imaginatively retort.

At this point Zack pushes you harder in the bass player's amp where a bunch of half drunk beer cans were sitting on top of.

"My beer!" he shouts as you knock all of it over and land on the floor where the deadly combination of wetness and electricity mix and electrocutes you in a spectacular fashion.

The band naturally just looks on in awe while you fry to death.

"Damn, that would've been cool if we were playing at a party!"
"Yeah, but now my amp is fucking trashed! Shit!"
"Well, just save your money for a new amp instead of using it to pay for fifteen minutes with Zack's mom."
"Goddamn it I told you to stop talking about my mom!"

The moral of the story?

If you aren't "cool" to begin with, joining a rock band isn't going to suddenly transform you to be cool. Fumbling around trying to be something you aren't just gets you killed in freak accidents. If you're a lame ass unhip square then excel at that. Sure you'll live a boring humdrum life filled with equally boring people who think the "email joke of the day" is the most hilarious thing ever, but at least when you eventually blow your brains out it will be AFTER you went on a killing spree from the tedious existence, rather than the over done rock n' roll suicide!

And now you know!