No, no, no, no! The movie sounds like it sucks and you're not going to deal with Mary after all the shit you got yourself into last time with her.

"Fuck that Erik, there's gotta be something else!"
"Well there's a comic convention that needs another guest speaker…"

You slam the phone down. You need to get out of the house. You decide to go for a walk in the forest.
You wander around in the calmness of the forest and nature in general. Sometimes you wonder if you shouldn't just go back to living in the wild. Things were certainly simpler then. While you're thinking about the nostalgia of the old days, you see a very large hairy body lying prone in the distance.

"What the fuck…how the hell…" you mumble to yourself while going over to investigate. When you arrive, its exactly who you thought it was, though you don't understand how you couldn't have heard him lumbering through the forest given how big he is, let alone seen him.

"Hey Kong! You alive? Wake up!" you shout. Kong stirs a little and then sits up to yawn. He scratches his now silverback and looks over at you.
"Wolf? What're you doing here?"
"Me? I live just a few miles away! What're you doing here and how is it that I didn't see or hear you crashing through the forest?"
"Oh I can be pretty silent when I want to be."
"Okay, but what're you doing here?"
"Back to nature my friend. Nancy kicked me out of the house. For good this time, she said she can't put up with my chauvinism any more. All I told her was to get her ass back in the kitchen and make me a banana split and serve it to me naked."
"Sounds like a reasonable request, so what happened?"
"She went into the kitchen, came back out with a frying pan of hot grease, threw the shit on me and kicked me in the balls, before shoving me out the door and calling me a fucking backward primate."

You hold back some laughter, before speaking again.

"Tough break there Kong, but I guess you could look on the bright side, you're back to your roots with no more cares anymore. Living free in the wild and all."
"Are you on fucking crack Wolf? It sucks! You know when I lived on Skull Island I didn't know any better, but in the last few days I've come to realize living in a warm HOUSE and sleeping in a bed is way better than living in the cold wild and sleeping on the ground where bugs crawl all over you!"

Kong's remarks certainly have made you reconsider your previous nostalgia of the old days.

"Well, can't you just make up with Nancy? Surely if she's put up with you this long and if you apologized and did all that romantic crap she'd let you back in."
"Don't think so Wolf, I never was good at that, besides she's got a restraining order on me too."
"What else did you do to her?"
"Nothing! She's just being a crazy bitch, that's unwilling to listen to reason. Well unwilling to listen to me anyway. Hey Wolf, you've always been a smooth talker with ladies. Maybe you could talk some sense into her for me."
"Uh, I dunno Kong I don't really like getting into the middle of shit like this, don't you have someplace else to stay, hey what about your cousin Joe?"
"I'm not staying with him! He's a fucking fag!"
"Well, beggars can't be chooser Kong, besides he's your cousin it's not like you have worry about him trying any ass pirate shit on you. I'm sure he's got a nice house too."
"Yeah, I guess…but I'd still prefer to go back to my own home, and I'm not sure if Joe would let me stay anyway. You gotta help me out Wolf, Nancy kicked me out with nothing, and I don't even have any money in the bank. I don't want to be living in the fucking wilderness again!"

You normally aren't one to help someone for no reason, but there's the fact that you don't want him living that close to you, you don't relish the idea of him taking big healthy dumps in a forest you live near, so to avoid wearing a clothespin on your nose for the rest of your time living here, you decide to help Kong.

You go talk to Joe

"Well, I think it's a lost cause with your wife, and to be quite honest I don't want to get caught up in the drama, but I can go talk with your cousin Joe if you want." You say.

Kong looks disappointed by your remark, and agonizes over making a decision, but finally gives you the okay.

"Alright Wolf, but I don't like this."
"You'll like it even less, if you have to live out here, now gimme the address."

Kong gives you the address and you go back to your cabin, start up your Harley and ride off. You don't really have a plan, you're just going to fumble through as usual, and you just hope Joe doesn't hit on you.

When you get to the house its very large like you expected, but not overly so. You notice the exterior is kept in very good condition, you have no doubt the inside looks like that as well. You get to the door and ring a doorbell that has been conveniently placed at your height level for normal sized guests.

Joe opens the door and looks down.

"Wolf? Well this IS a pleasant surprise! What brings you here, you perfect specimen of male?"

Well no such luck of him not hitting on you.

"Settle down there Joe, I'm just here to talk about your cousin Kong."
"Oh. Well what about him?"
"He got kicked out by wife Nancy and now he's living in a forest near my cabin, so can he stay here?"
"So, Nancy finally threw that scrub to the curb eh? It's about time girlfriend did that! Even I told her it was a bad idea for her to marry him. Well you have my sympathies Wolf, but I'm not having that homophobe living here! Though if you like YOU can live here!"
"Uh, no. Besides I'm a homophobe too."
"Yes, but you're a cute one!"
"So all the GIRLS tell me. Look isn't there anyway you'd reconsider? I mean he is family and all. I could tell him to behave himself, and he probably would since he really doesn't want to be living in the wilderness again."
"Well…I guess, but surely you've noticed this place really isn't built to accommodate his size. He's a lot bigger than me you know."

You could kick yourself for not realizing that before. You sigh, but ask if there are any arrangements that could be made.

"Isn't there anywhere here he could stay?"
"Not unless I had a giant addition built on to my house and I'm not about to do that, I have this house just perfect the way it is."
"How about your backyard? Don't you have a large backyard with a garden?"
"Yes I do, and I'm not about to have that lug crushing all my flowers! However there is a nearby cave that's in the backyard that could accommodate him. But I'm having problems with my backyard in general which I'm trying to fix as we speak."
"What kind of problems?"
"My garden has been infested with those awful Triffids! Horrid things, making that noise and killing my workers! It's really ruining my business at this point. I'd get rid of them, but they're much too nasty for me! Those stingers hurt!"

You already know what he's going to ask you, so you beat him to it.

"If I get rid of these things can Kong stay in the cave?"
"You'd do that? Oh thank you! And yes, if you saved my garden I'd take my cousin in."

Well that's settled, get rid of the Triffids and Kong can stay, now you just have to figure out how to do it.

You rip them out yourself

You figure Joe wants his garden still intact hence the reason he never used toxic chemicals, you prepare yourself for battle and enter the backyard which is littered here and there with dead human workers. The Triffids instantly sense you and begin to crawl slowly over towards you.

Fighting them isn't really that hard, Joe probably kept getting stung due to the fact that he's a larger target and isn't as fast as you. You easily avoid their stingers and carefully avoid getting surrounded as you turn them into Caesar salad. Soon you're finished! You knock on the back door and Joe answers.

"All finished Joe."
"What already? Wow, you're efficient! Maybe you should stick around to help me on a regular basis."
"Don't think so, but nice try. So Kong can stay then?"
"Of course, I keep my word, (Sigh) I'm going to have to hire all new workers though, I'm really going to take a loss this year."

You turn briefly around and see someone coming out of the cave.

"Hey Joe, looks like you won't have to hire all new workers, there's one coming out of the cave, guess some of them were hiding in there huh?"

Joe looks over and another one comes out, then another.

"That's weird…I thought he was…now wait I know he's…I saw!"
"What? What's going on?" You ask.
"I saw those workers die! I saw the damn Triffids kill them right before my eyes! How can they be over there alive!?"

At first you think zombies, but that can't be it. Then you notice one of the dead bodies looks very similar to one of the ones coming out of the caves, and that's when you know what you're dealing with.

"Uh Joe, you got something worse than just a Triffid infestation, you got fucking Body Snatchers! Fucking Pod People man!" you exclaim.

At this point a bunch of them have just come out of the cave and they all look in your direction and let out an ear piecing screech while pointing at you.

"Oh no! Wolf can you kill them too?" Joe asks as they advance.

You kill the Body Snatcher yourself

"What?! Oh for fuck's sake, alright you big pussy." You say and walk towards them while Joe hides in his house.

You clobber a couple of them, and think this is going to be an easy fight, that is until one of them starts talking about the intricacies of tax forms, then another talks about the topic of lint collecting and the details about it. Yet another discusses the fascinating subject of the history of cabinet making…

You've never been overwhelmed by such mind-numbing matter! Your energy begins to leave you and your lids begin to get heavy. You fall into a deep slumber which you never wake up from. Soon a doppelganger of you is hatched.

The Boring Snatchers have claimed another victim.