# Outrage Bonding

![A small creature with a hat peeking out from under a large rock. The scene is set in a lush forest with dappled sunlight filtering through the trees. The creature, resembling a mix between a rabbit and a mouse, has curious eyes and a small smile. The hat is slightly oversized, with a whimsical design, adding a touch of charm. Moss and tiny flowers grow around the rock, enhancing the magical feel of the scene.](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F743e5d2e-832a-4b62-b4b9-fad91f8d3c70_1792x1024.webp)

I stopped following the news back when Trump (first?)[^eviezl6vl2] got elected. The amount of attention put on a foreign[^psu4jt3o6ps] election was staggering, with normal media [saccades](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saccade) replaced by Monk-level single-mindedness. Trump was the permanent spotlight for **months**.

The media’s fixation on Trump had interesting downstream effects. My peer groups — normally a dynamic bunch — turned into a bunch of snide [gossipmongers](https://www.britannica.com/dictionary/gossipmonger#:~:text=%3A%20a%20person%20who%20enjoys%20talking,a%20person%20who%20spreads%20gossip). Every day was Trump-day, with shared outrage being the primary source of connection. People scored points by retelling [outrageous news](https://whatthefuckjusthappenedtoday.com/), parroting hot takes and sharing edgy memes.

Focusing on judgment and outrage was unhealthy for me. I got addicted to the drama, allowing outrage to outcompete healthy forms of relating. I felt disconnected from my friends, got irritated more often, and had an increase in pessimistic thought patterns.

Around this time, I had a coworker who was **always** grumpy — always complaining about this or that. He was also quite old. I used to wonder if he had once been happier — but then practised grumpiness a lot. It takes some repetition to get to his level of mastery.

One day, the situation got too much for me. I decided that I didn’t want to become a bitter old man — and that I needed to disengage from the outrage-bonding going on in my social circles.

Having stopped following the news, the next step wasn’t hard — I made a hard commitment to not put energy into outrage-bonding. Whenever people started complaining together, I responded by:

*   Zoning out, ignoring the topic
*   Asking the group to shift the focus, explaining that I didn’t like the way outrage shaped my being
*   Walking away

At first, people didn’t like it. Bringing up the negative consequences of other people’s unhealthy habits is generally frowned upon — even if it’s done indirectly. If done in a judgemental way, it can be seen as a social manoeuvring move — a subtle claim that I’m better (more healthy) than others.

Luckily, I [care little](https://honestliving.substack.com/p/virtue-is-the-sole-cool) for social signalling games. I forged ahead — and managed to shift the group dynamics I interacted with. Sometimes, a strong-headed [minority](https://honestliving.substack.com/p/militant-empathy) can have a [lot of impact](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minority_influence).

Now, shit is about to hit the fan. The US elections are scheduled for November, and the drama is already building. The news will turn increasingly single-minded, and you are likely to find yourself in outrage-oriented social contexts. You can choose to hand over your attention and mood to a drama-oriented culture war — or you can do your best to break free.

Come join me living under a rock, it’s cosy here.

[^eviezl6vl2]: I’m joking! I know Trump hasn’t been reelected, yet. I get news through conversations with friends, and know most important things early on — like covid, the Ukraine invasion, the Gaza conflict, etc. 

[^psu4jt3o6ps]: I live in Sweden, even though my online life is weirdly US-centric.