# Credit goes to the presenter, not the inventor

VN: Hey M, you come up with a name for the architecture yet?  
M: No, we've been busy.   
VN: Buddy, it takes all of 5 seconds to come up with a name.  
M: Maybe for you! But for use mere mortals, it takes forever. E, I and the rest of the guys just can't settle on one. I don't see why you keep insisting the name's got to be short and sweet anyhow. Can't you just call it a report on computer architecture or something?  
VN: That's the worst name! Look, let me explain what I'm worried about, and perhaps you'll see why I don't like that name, OK?  
M: Shoot.   
VN: Alright, so here's a question: who gets credit for an invention? Is it the person who first comes up with a discovery? Is it the more famous of the two co-creators? Is it entirely random?   
E: I figure it's a mix of those three.   
VN: Right, you are. But I think there's one whopping big one you're forgetting. Namely, it is the guy who is most salient in the minds of those thinking about the discovery. And this is a more direct cause of who gets credit for something than all the others.   
E: Isn't that a bit tautological?  
VN: Not at all! Let me give you an example to clarify. See, suppose that we wind up calling the report "A report on computer architecture. By V N" Some guy reads it carefully, sees all the clever stuff you boys have been up to with the EDVAC and all, and thinks that it's a real neat idea. So he recommends it to some friend, and says "Hey buddy, you read this new report on architecture that VN's put out?" And that's where things start to go wrong. Now, the other guy thinks about the report as "a report by VN on computer architectures". And his friend will tell him all about the architecture, the central processing unit, the dedicated memory, the whole shebang. But he won't wind up telling the other guy the name of the architecture, cause there is no name! Or if there is one, it's an unwieldy one. Now, the other guy thinks this report is hot stuff, cause you boys have been doing good work. But he doesn't know who invented it, or how much work you guys put in, or even whether I had anything to do with it. So he thinks, well, maybe VN did some stuff on this thing. So he tells others about it. He goes round talking about this amazing new architecture VN is writing about. And people naturally want a name for things, so maybe he calls it the "VN architecture". And he tells others about it, who don't read the report. They got told what's in it, so who needs to read it. And so it spreads. Years later, people will be talking about the VN architecture. And maybe I'll protest a bit at the start, but give up because it's not worth my time to fight people giving me credit for things I didn't do: I could while away eternity doing that. And sure, maybe some well-read folk will know it was really E and M who made this stuff, but they'll be a drop in the ocean by that point. You'll be robbed of most of your eternal glory! See, nothing tautological about it.  
E: Well, I suppose you have a point. But what should we call it then?  
VN: Call it the E and M report.  
E: No can do, INSERT\_NAMES\_HERE did a lot of work on this too. Wouldn't want to rob them of the credit.   
VN: OK, then call it the Princeton report.   
E: What, and let those academy bozos get all the credit? No way!  
VN: Alright, what about the EDVAC report?  
E: I had to fight to get Z to accept the name EDVAC. No way he's gonna let us put it on the report, too!  
VN: Then E, what will you call it?   
E: I'll go discuss this with the others, and we'll get back to you.  
VN: Well, you better hop to it, because my contract's running out, and the Pentagon keeps bugging me about some project they need help with. Just choose a name, and for Pete's sake, don't vote on it by committee.   
E: Just give us some time, VN, there's no rush.  
VN: \*Sighs\* This is going to wind up with my name on it, isn't it?   
\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-  
\*Decades later\*  
Rando_1: Wow, Von Neumann invented the Von Neumann architecture?  
Rando_2: It's crazy. Just one invention like that is enough to get you into the hall of fame. And he's got dozens!  
Rando_3: Truly, the smartest man to ever live.   
Rando_4: Von Neumann didn't -  
Rando_5: Are you guys talking about Von Neumann? He was such a genius.   
Rando_6: Three cheers for Von Neumann.   
Randos: Von Neumann. Von Neumann. Von Neumann  
\*POV zooms out to the high heavens, peering down on the electric thoughts of humanity across the globe, pondering who is The Smartest Man\*  
Humanity: VON NEUMANN. VON NEUMANN. VON NEUMANN.   
\*POV zooms out to the hyperobject at the end of time\*  
GPT-Ω: VON NEUMANN! VON NEUMANN! VON NEUMANN!