# Chris Voss negotiation MasterClass: review

This post is about the [negotiation MasterClass taught by Chris
Voss](https://www.masterclass.com/classes/chris-voss-teaches-the-art-of-negotiation)
as well as a related [MasterClass Session by Chris
Voss](https://www.masterclass.com/sessions/classes/win-workplace-negotiations)
and more broadly about the techniques and worldviews shared in
those. I [watched the original MasterClass in April 2020 and watched
the Session in December
2021](https://ese.vipulnaik.com/#consumptionList).

My post discusses some of the relationship -- similarities and
differences -- with rationalist advice. These portions should be of
particular relevance to LessWrong and are part of the reason for
posting to LessWrong.

This is a fairly lengthy post, so please use the sections to navigate
to the portions you are most interested in.

I cover a lot in this review:

* What is this a review of?
* Why am I doing this review?
* Worldview
* Negotiation principles
* Negotiation techniques
* Other ideas
* General concerns

ETA 2021-11-24: I added a few more subsections and made some edits to
existing content. You can see the change set
[here](https://github.com/vipulnaik/working-drafts/commit/b36ecf1ec540a4ea02d044dafdfd63dce85946e9).

ETA 2021-11-25: I added a subsection in response to a point raised in
the comments. You can see the change set
[here](https://github.com/vipulnaik/working-drafts/commit/9b23675a831ec81ef6b0c375e586e2346a48a44e).

ETA 2022-01-02: I expanded and restructured the review to cover the
MasterClass Session that I consumed in December 2021. The original
post, written in November 2021, did not cover the Session. You can see
the change set
[here](https://github.com/vipulnaik/working-drafts/commit/862885c599d9b5d68274246923f17cb0bbe197a8).

## What is this a review of?

### Who is Chris Voss?

[Christopher Voss](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christopher_Voss)
worked at the FBI as a lead hostage negotiator. In 2008 he left to
form his own company, [The Black Swan
Group](https://www.blackswanltd.com/home), that offers coaching to
people on negotiation techniques. Their customers include people in
real estate and many other kinds of business.

### What is MasterClass?

[MasterClass](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MasterClass) is a player
in the growing edutainmment space, combining education and
entertainment. There are 100+ "classes" in MasterClass. Each class is
taught by a subject matter expert (the teacher), and includes several
videos (ranging from 2 to 30 minutes, usually 5 to 20 minutes). The
typical video format just includes the teacher speaking to the camera,
but there are occasionally interactive sessions with other
participants, or other co-instructors.

Course notes can be downloaded. There are also community features on
MasterClass.

You may have seen video ads for MasterClass on YouTube!

### What is MasterClass Sessions?

In late 2021, MasterClass introduced
[Sessions](https://www.masterclass.com/sessions/), a more interactive
form of MasterClass that is designed a bit more like a course. A few
differences between traditional MasterClasses and sessions:

* There are stronger nudges to consume a session chronologically;
  later activities in a session only unlock after you mark earlier
  activities as completed.

* While most of the activities in both regular MasterClass and
  sessions are video consumption, the sessions tend to feature more
  videos where you, the viewer, is expected to do something active,
  such as observing or counting something. Although so far these
  videos don't have interactivity at a technological level (e.g., you
  are not supposed to click when/where something happens), a
  conscientious viewer can get the benefit of active learning.

* The sessions also include explicit prompts for viewers to enter
  information on their progress or thoughts. You have to enter
  something to proceed (you can't just skip it) though if you really
  just want to proceed, you can enter gibberish and check the box to
  not share it with others.

* As far as I can make out, unlike regular MasterClasses, you cannot
  buy sessions individually; they're only available as part of a
  subscription.

### What does this cost?

A MasterClass annual subscription all-access pass costs $180; this
would allow you to consume both the regular MasterClass and the
MasterClass Session within the year you got the subscription for.

A single MasterClass (such as Chris Voss's) can be purchased for
$90. As far as I can make out, sessions cannot be purchased
individually, and you need to have a subscription.

### How long is the regular Chris Voss MasterClass?

There are 18 videos and the total video time is 3 hours 4 minutes.

### How long is the Chris Voss MasterClass Session?

MasterClass doesn't include a total length, and it was tedious to add
up the exact lengths, so I just added up the rounded lengths available
on the [session
page](https://www.masterclass.com/sessions/classes/win-workplace-negotiations). The
total that I could count came to 5 hours 50 minutes.

### What aspects of the regular Chris Voss MasterClass does my review cover?

The MasterClass includes three live exercises, that I do *not* discuss
here (since they are more for demonstration purposes of a range of
techniques). I also do not discuss the historical hostage negotiation
examples that Chris Voss discusses (a bank robbery, the [Jill Carroll
kidnapping case](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jill_Carroll), and the
[Dwight Watson (tobacco farmer)
case](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dwight_Watson_(farmer))). I also
skip some other material, including discussion of bargaining (using
the [Ackerman
model](https://jonathanvieker.com/ackerman-bargaining/)), that is
outside of the main negotiation techniques.

The class guide is 14 pages long, including a cover page (this blog
post overlaps quite a bit with the class guide).

### What aspects of the Chris Voss MasterClass session does my review cover?

By and large, I do not discuss the session separately; I mostly only
mention ideas in the session that are *not* in the regular
MasterClass. Also, I consumed the session and added information about
it well after writing the original post, and have relatively limited
time.

The session includes a lot of demonstrations involving Voss's
colleagues at The Black Swan Group (Brandon Voss, Derek Gaunt, and
Sandy Hein). I don't discuss any of the demonstrations individually
(though I found them very useful to watch!) and I mainly cover only
the insights from the.

### Are there other ways of watching the MasterClass without paying the subscription fee?

You can sign up and cancel within 30 days to get a full refund
(however, you should check if this option is available when you sign
up, as MasterClass may change its policies on this front). This gives
you enough time to consume the Chris Voss MasterClass.

You may be able to sign up for a free week; however, I'm not sure what
subset of the videos in the MasterClass are available. More details
[here](https://donotpay.com/learn/masterclass-free-trial).

### Are there other ways of accessing the information without watching the MasterClass?

Many of the techniques discussed in the MasterClass are discussed
online, including in videos from Chris Voss and others. I have more
links for each of the individual techniques, so you can use my post to
basically get a "free" version of the MasterClass. You can also Google
around for more videos and written materials on the techniques.

Voss has also co-authored a book *Never Split The Difference* that
covers these techniques. It's [available on
Amazon](https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended/dp/0062407805);
at $11.99 for the Kindle edition it is considerably cheaper than the
MasterClass. There is a [Reddit
thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/MasterClass/comments/i6hdkf/chris_voss_on_negotiation_masterclass_vs_book/)
comparing the book and the MasterClass and consuming both.

[Masterwiki.how](https://masterwiki.how/) can be a helpful free
version of MasterClass, but it does not seem to have Chris Voss's
MasterClass.

### What's the value-add of the MasterClass beyond the free material in and linked from this blog post?

My blog post didn't exist at the time I bought the MasterClass; I
think in the absence of such an alternative, the MasterClass was worth
paying something for. In fact, I would say that the exposure to Chris
Voss's ideas was worth the price of two full years of MasterClass
subscription for me, though I could have cancelled after 30 days once
I had consumed the Chris Voss MasterClass.

Now that this blog post exists, and given the great amount of online
material, the value-add of the MasterClass is less clear. I think
there is still a case for it, but it probably isn't worth spending a
full year's subscription of $180 just for this class, nor is it worth
spending $90 to buy it. With that said, if you find several other
MasterClasses that you consider worth watching, the Chris Voss
MasterClass could tip the scales.

Given the ability to cancel after 30 days, it seems worth trying it
out if you think there's a chance it will be worthwhile.

Since rationalists have often spent $1,000+ on CFAR workshops and
found it worthwhile, I think there's a good chance that many will find
the class worth paying for, even after having access to the material
in the blog post.

### Are there other worthwhile MasterClasses?

I found [Daniel Pink's sales and persuasion
MasterClass](https://www.masterclass.com/classes/daniel-pink-teaches-sales-and-persuasion)
to be similar and relevant. There are a lot of similarities and some
differences between Pink's and Voss's advice on the topics where they
overlap. [Here](https://learnopoly.com/daniel-pink-masterclass-review/)
is a good review of Pink's MasterClass as well as some discussion of
the similarities and differences with Voss's.

In general I have found MasterClass to be worth the subscription cost
for at least two years, but much of it might have to do with the
specific topics I am interested in. You can check
[here](https://ese.vipulnaik.com/#consumptionList) what MasterClasses
I have watched.

### What are some interactive discussions where these techniques are critically examined?

The MasterClass is mostly just Chris Voss speaking, with nobody
challenging him. The session does a better job of showcasing
interaction among multiple people, but they're still all people at The
Black Swan Group, so it doesn't necessarily show as much as possible
how their ideas could be challenged or questioned by outsiders.

I like to see people questioned about their ideas, ideally with
question that I have or would have if I thought more about it. Since
watching the original MasterClass, I've [watched several interviews of
Chris Voss](https://ese.vipulnaik.com/#consumptionList); I list below
the ones I found most interesting:

* [Master the Art of Negotiating in Business and Life: Lewis Howes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pd7tjnVYMzY)
* [#MasterClassLive with Chris Voss](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZcBuSCT3Io)
* [The Knowledge Project #27 — Chris Voss](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHjUApypNsU)
* [WHY SUCCESS Comes From Mastering Negotiation In BUSINESS & LIFE | Chris Voss & Lewis Howes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_iKeiPhisw)

## Why am I doing this review?

### I think the MasterClass and the material it covered were pretty good

Chris Voss's MasterClass was the main reason I signed up for
MasterClass, and I finished it within a day after signing up. I liked
it quite a bit then. Over time, and after having thought about its
ideas and watched other related material, I continue to think the
ideas are pretty good.

I do not make claims about how much of the material originated from
Voss versus was learned by him from others (including the FBI
manual). Regardless of Voss's role as innovator versus peddler, the
stuff covered is good.

### I have already shared several tidbits of insight I learned with friends, but would like to have a public write-up

Of the ideas I learned from the MasterClass, I've already shared
several with friends. However, given that the MasterClass is
paywalled, I think it would be helpful to have a public write-up of
the ideas that I can link to. A public write-up would also benefit people
outside my inner circle of friends.

### I broadly think the LessWrong community should be more aware of and engage with these bodies of knowledge

Rationality offers a powerful way of viewing the world, but there are
also large bodies of knowledge around human interaction developed by
others. Fruitful exploration of these bodies of knowledge can help
enhance and deepen our rationality.

## Worldview

### Outward focus

Negotiation tactics are mostly focused outward: they're focused on how
to deal with the other side (known as the "counterpart"), not how to
deal with yourself.

A large part of the focus of rationality is inward: how to reason
better, how to tame and use your emotions, how to achieve
goals. Similarly, many techniques such as meditation and relaxation
techniques have an inward focus too.

With negotiation tactics, one's own goals obviously matter, but the
goals of the other person are front-and-center.

There are a couple of ways that negotiation tactics relate to
inward-focused activities. First, in principle it is possible to apply
some negotiation tactics in self-negotiation. Interestingly, some such
applications have crude similarities to self-talk techniques (such as
CBT or EFT).

Second, in order to negotiate effectively with others, it generally
helps to have taken care of yourself *before* that. The idea is that
in a negotiation, the counterpart and the situation take center
stage. If you're bringing your own baggage to the situation, though,
it becomes harder to apply best principles of keeping the focus on the
situation and making the counterpart feel heard and addressed.

The negotiation MasterClass does not discuss the first point; it does
bring up some ideas related to the second point but indirectly.

### Dealing with people who do not aspire to epistemic virtues

The negotiation techniques in the MasterClass grew out of efforts to
deal with hostage kidnappers, and evolved to address difficult
business negotiations. These people aren't necessarily irrational, but
they are not aspiring to epistemic virtues. Pointing out their
cognitive biases will not make them thank you for helping them achieve
their epistemic goals.

The negotiation techniques therefore can be quite different from norms
recommended for rationalist cultures, where there is an assumption
that all parties are aspiring toward epistemic virtue. For instance,
[tell
culture](https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/rEBXN3x6kXgD4pLxs/tell-culture)
can be great as a rationalist norm but a naive application of tell
culture principles would contradict many aspects of negotiation
techniques (though reconciliation is possible).

One concern we might have about negotiation techniques is that they
specifically *rely* on the irrationality of one's counterparts, and so
would fall flat or even backfire in more epistemically virtuous
environments. After thinking about the various techniques, I think
this actually isn't much of a concern, as long as the person applying
the negotiation techniques adjusts the mix effectively based on what
is needed. Broadly, I do not think these negotiation techniques are
what is sometimes called the [dark
arts](https://www.lesswrong.com/tag/dark-arts) on LessWrong (though
they probably could be interpreted as such!). Later in this post, as I
discuss each negotiation technique, I discuss what aspects or variants
of it I consider "dark arts"y.

### Emotion-focused or cognitively focused?

While Voss gives a lot of importance to emotions, I think it would be
wrong to think of the negotiation techniques as primarily
emotion-focused. Rather, I think the negotiation techniques try to
pick at underlying motivations, some of which could be emotions! I
think there is a moderately sound cognitive and epistemic grounding
for the negotiation techniques, though the role of human emotions is
very important to understanding how successful the techniques will be.

### Greater applicability to synchronous interactions

Many of the negotiation techniques are applicable to synchronous
interactions, including in-person and phone interactions. In general,
the techniques seem optimized for high-bandwidth communication with
frequent back-and-forth. I found some techniques as well as some
principles to have broader applicability, including to more
asynchronous and one-to-may communication contexts.

### Low-level execution focus rather than domain-specific tactical or business school-style strategy focus

In the comments, Adam Zerner
[writes](https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/CRAzG386t3suSqDgd/chris-voss-negotiation-masterclass-review?commentId=aDk6qj5vEJGnyBzGu):

> It seems worth mentioning that leverage is hugely important. Both 1)
> having it, and 2) understanding it. For example, suppose you are a
> programmer applying to companies. 1) It's helpful to be good at
> interviews and have a lot of companies interested in you. 2) It's
> helpful to be aware of this fact, and to be aware of what sort of
> leverage the companies have. Ie. BATNA.
>
> Maybe you can call what I am referring to as hard skills and what
> you are referring to as soft skills? I feel like that isn't a great
> way to categorize is, but nothing better is coming to me. Whatever
> the categories are, I think it would be good to explicitly mention
> that this article is targeting one of them, and that there are other
> things that are important for the bigger picture of being able to
> negotiate well.

I also got a related
[comment](https://www.facebook.com/vipulnaik.r/posts/10225235208883203?comment_id=10225238040994004)
on my Facebook share of the post:

> Also if I may seek more details about the Masterclass , does it also
> delve into concepts taught in management schools (albeit with a
> different name) like ZOPA(Zone of Possible Agreement) & BATNA ( Best
> Alternative to Negotiated Agreement )

These are great points. There is some discussion in Voss's MasterClass
about understanding who has leverage. He also goes into a few
nuts-and-bolts bargaining tools like the Ackerman method and provides
general advice on price negotiation. He also has a mock job
negotiation.

Nonetheless, for the most part, the aspect of negotiations that Voss
covers has much more to do with the low-level execution of *how* to
share and receive information, as opposed to the *what* of
communication. And to the extent that Voss covers other angles, my
review skips over them.

Obviously, the *what* of negotiation matters a lot, and there's great
advice online around it -- this post does not compete with such
advice. In fact, when a lot of people think of negotiation, they're
focused on the *what* aspect -- what price should I settle for?

There are a few reasons I think Voss doesn't focus on these much in
his MasterClass, and my review here doesn't talk about it at all:

* The *what* is highly domain-specific, and even within a domain
  requires a fair amount of market research and even getting into the
  nitty-gritties after your counterpart gives you situation-specific
  information. A 3-hour MasterClass intended to appeal to a wide
  audience can't really get into the what too much. With that said, in
  the MasterClass and in several of his interviews that I've linked
  to, Voss talks about some of the nuts and bolts of the *what*
  question in the context of real estate negotiation, business
  partnerships, and job interviews. He's often relying on information
  he learns back from people who come to the Black Swan Group for
  training and apply the ideas in real life.

* Highly prescriptive approaches to the *what* question are in tension
  with the thrust of the approach that Voss is trying to push for --
  namely to be open and curious and let the other side reveal more
  information to enable collaborative problem-solving. In some of his
  interviews Voss talks about how he thinks some of the techniques
  like BATNA are not that useful, but he has a lot of respect for
  Roger Fisher, who championed these techniques. Voss thinks Fisher's
  success comes not so much from the techniques as from the emotional
  intelligence he has when applying them. Voss thinks his own
  techniques come closer to what needs to be done execution-wise to
  achieve those sorts of results.

* In a video in the MasterClass session, Voss talks a bit more about
  his main issue with BATNA, which is that there are many situations
  where your alternatives are actually pretty bad. This probably comes
  partly from his own background as a hostage negotiator, where the
  alternative to negotiated agreement can literally be fatal. So,
  while it's good to have alternatives, a good foundation of
  negotiation techniques is one that can work even in the situations
  where you *don't* have alternatives.

## Negotiation principles

This section covers my own interpretation of key "principles"
behind the individual negotiation techniques. The way I frame it
doesn't always match how Voss presents ideas in the MasterClass or
elsewhere, and may not be endorsed by Voss.

### Show, don't tell, that you are listening and collaborating in good faith

A lot of the negotiation techniques boil down to a [show, don't
tell](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Show,_don't_tell) approach of
demonstrating good faith. Many of these "show"s are constructive proof
that would be hard to fake for somebody who is not listening and not
interested in a good faith collaboration (examples include labeling
and the accusations audit). Many of them also directly create value by
making substantive progress in zeroing in on the issues involved.

A key point: the "show, don't tell" applies at the meta level of your
sincerity and competence; obviously there will be cases where you have
to tell the other person factual information or ideas. This is only
loosely related to pedagogy's "show, don't tell", so actions that are
"show"s in terms of demonstrating sincerity could be "show"s or
"tell"s at the object level.

#### My thoughts on demonstrating good faith

I think this is good advice in general. I do think there are cases
where "telling" works, but telling is much more likely to backfire
than showing. So I'd say one must always show, but whether to tell
depends on how much trust has already been built.

### It's about your counterpart

An important aspect of the negotiation techniques is to center them on
your counterpart, i.e., the person you are negotiating with. Things
like, be curious about what they have to say, be tactically
empathetic, always show that you care about the impact of your words
and actions on them. Let them go first. By and large, avoid
first-person pronouns, so don't say "What I'm hearing is ..." or "I
want ..." or "I need ..." (this is not an absolute injunction, but
good to start with). Don't make the other person feel you are putting
them on the spot.

#### My thoughts on counterpart focus

While I think this makes general sense, there are important
considerations of asymmetry here that deserve a more detailed
treatment. I cover the asymmetric nature of counterpart focus in a
later section.

### Slow people down and trigger deeper, reflective thinking

Often, in high-stress situations, people are thinking impulsively,
defensively, and carelessly. The many negotiation techniques Voss
teaches are designed partly to get your counterpart to slow down,
relax, and think more reflectively (Kahneman's "system two"
thinking). This frame of mind is more conducive to solving challenging
problems collaboratively. An additional side-effect of these
techniques is also to slow down your own thinking and make *you*
a calmer, better thinker.

#### My thoughts on slowing down

I'm generally in favor of slowing down and thinking deeply and
reflectively. This doesn't translate to being slow in absolute terms
-- speeds could vary a lot based on context and familiarity. But I do
think it's important to avoid "rushing" things and to combat the
tendency for stressed, anxious thought patterns.

### Start low, end high

A general theme in negotiation is how both parties perceive it, and
whether, at the end of it, they feel like it was a worthwhile
endeavor. Starting with the difficult portions and gradually making
progress to end on a positive note is important. Voss says that "the
last impression is a lasting impression" and emphasizes that much of
the positive messaging we are inclined to use to open an interaction
may be better suited to the close.

#### My thoughts on start low, end high

I definitely agree with this. One of the things that makes
interactions stressful is when people keep dropping bombshells
throughout the conversation. This keeps the other side wary throughout
the conversation. Getting the tough parts in the open quickly makes
the rest of the interaction more relaxed.

I also agree with the importance of ending on a positive,
collaborative note.

### Focus less on being in control or being in charge, and more on having the upper hand

Voss says that people often fight to be in control or in charge, e.g.,
to be the ones speaking in the room or having more overt control of
the situation. By relinquishing one's own desire for control, and
letting the other person take charge -- while collaborating with them
in the process, you can acquire the upper hand by getting more
information. Several of the techniques discussed later, such as
mirroring, labeling, mislabeling, dynamic silence, and calibrated
questions help the other side feel more in control while also giving
you the upper hand by learning more.

#### My thoughts on control versus upper hand

While I do think being in control is overrated, and it's often more
important to learn more than to be in charge, some aspects of this framing
didn't resonate much with me. The "upper hand" framing is a little bit
in tension with the whole idea of negotiation as being helpful to both
sides.

As I discuss in a later section, it can be counterproductive if people
start competing to *not go first* -- just as it can be
counterproductive if people are competing to go first. So my main
takeaway from this point is that if you have a tendency to want to go
first and dominate a situation, rethink that. But don't be too
singularly focused on *not* going first in all situations.

## Negotiation techniques

### Mirroring

Mirroring is the technique of repeating about 1 to 3 words of the last
sentence the other person said.

Mirroring in general is helpful as it is a low-effort way of showing
the other side that you're listening and engaged with what they say.

Mirroring with upward inflection (i.e., a kind of questioning tone) is
helpful as a prompt to get the other person to continue expanding and
elaborating. This can be helpful if you don't quite understand what
the other person said, or you want them to elaborate more.

Instead of the MasterClass, you can watch a [free Chris Voss YouTube
video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wIBc2T2RKSA) on mirroring.

#### My personal experience with mirroring

I have not tried to use mirroring much in my life. My impression has
been that mirroring is most useful as a low-effort way to engage
another person and learn more about what's on their mind. It may be a
bit less useful in cases where other, more high-effort and high-reward
techniques, can be used.

I used mirroring once in a low-stakes situation with success; a
colleague and I were on a call with a third party who ended up not
showing up, so we were just waiting for about ten minutes. My
colleague was just chatting about stuff going on with his work. I had
no particular agenda in terms of information I wanted to know, but I
also didn't mind hearing him, so I decided to try using mirroring to
help show I was engaged without putting in a lot of effort. This
seemed to work well; at the end of it, my colleague said it was great
chatting, despite me basically saying nothing.

#### How "dark arts"y is mirroring?

Mirroring as information-gathering doesn't seem dark arts-y at all to
me.

Mirroring as a way of showing you're listening can be dark arts-y if
you're *not actually listening*. Somebody practiced enough at
mirroring could probably do it automatically without paying close
attention to what the counterpart is saying. The counterpart then
thinks you were engaged and listening (because they hear your mirrors
and don't even realize you were mirroring) but you actually
weren't. To be clear, this is not the sort of mirroring that Voss
encourages; he emphasizes genuine curiosity and interest.

#### Does mirroring have a place in rational discourse?

I think mirroring has a place in rational discourse, but a relatively
small one. I'm much more excited about the other techniques discussed
(that are both high-effort ad high-reward), including labeling.

### Labeling

Labeling is the act of providing a short summary of the underlying
emotions, thoughts, and ideas behind what your counterpart is saying
or doing.

A tactical aspect of labeling: Voss recommends using "It
seems/sounds/feels/looks like ..." or "You seem/sound/look like ..."
before articulating the label (in a single sentence where possible),
and being deferential in tone. It is also open to correction (see the
next section, mislabeling). The use of first-person pronoun framings
such as "I think ..." or "What I'm hearing is ..." is discouraged
because you want it to be about your counterpart and the situation,
not about yourself.

Labeling is more high-effort than mirroring: rather than just using
short-term memory to remember and pick words from the last sentence,
you need to listen to the entirety of what the other person is saying
(as well as tone of voice and nonverbal cues where applicable) and
summarize it. But it's also more high-reward, because it shows a
deeper understanding, helps provide clarity to both sides, and can
lead to real progress.

There's a [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHHHg7PWz48) going
over mirroring and labeling.

#### Labeling negatives

Voss claims that labeling negatives "always" diffuses them. The key
point is to label a negative by accepting it, rather than by denying
or contesting it.

For instance, instead of saying "I don't want to sound too demanding"
you say "This is going to sound demanding". Or instead of saying
"Don't get upset" say "It seems like you are upset".

Instead of the MasterClass, you can check out [this
video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThQ8xPGg-QQ) on labeling
negatives.

#### Labeling positives

Voss claims that labeling positives tends to reinforce them (the
opposite of the impact of labeling negatives). For instance, "you
sound really excited about this" or "it sounds like you're very happy
with the way this turned out".

#### My personal experience with labeling

I've generally found labeling to be more useful than mirroring,
particularly when a lot of raw information is being conveyed and it
needs to be processed.

#### How "dark arts"y is labeling?

Labeling generally seems like a positive thing and not like a dark
art. While labels could be misused, I don't see the potential for
misuse as big enough to make labeling a dark art.

#### Does labeling have a place in rational discourse?

Absolutely! I think labeling is pretty valuable. A lot of rational
discourse already follows similar practice; for instance, providing
labels/summaries of what another person said is viewed positively in
the community.

The rationalist community also places more importance on
self-labeling, something that negotiation strategy frowns upon (it's
not about you, it's about your counterpart).

### Mislabeling

Mislabeling refers to the (usually intentional, or at least
probabilistically intentional) application of an incorrect or
exaggerated label to give the counterpart the opportunity to correct
you and reveal more information. So instead of directly asking for the
reasons for something, a mislabel might attribute a reason that's
probably wrong, and let the other person correct it.

For instance, if a person declines to do an activity, you may mislabel
it as "it sounds like you really hate doing this" which gives them the
opportunity to correct by saying "actually the time doesn't work, I
would love to do it next time".

Brandon Voss (Chris Voss's son and business partner) has a video on
mislabeling [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vls0Jbd98g).

#### How "dark arts"y is mislabeling?

There is a "dark arts" form of mislabeling, where your goal is not to
get information from the other person, but rather to make them claim
something that's beneficial to you. That happens when your mislabel is
done with a desire to have the other person reassure you. Mislabeling,
when done with curiosity, deference, and a genuine openness to being
corrected, and with the goal of getting information rather than
manipulate the other person into claiming something, seems good to me.

#### Does mislabeling have a place in rational discourse?

This is a little unclear. I think mislabeling is okay in rational
discourse if the mislabel is still the leading individual
candidate. For instance, if you have several hypotheses to explain
something, and the leading hypothesis has 30% chance, higher than any
other, formulating that hypothesis as a label seems reasonable (and
it's probably a mislabel because there's a 70% chance it's wrong). On
the other hand, deliberately choosing a low-probability hypothesis as
a mislabel seems not very rational.

### Dynamic silence

Dynamic silence (also called effective pause) is the idea of just
staying silent, usually either right after you mirror, label, or
mislabel, or when things fall silent in general. The idea is to give
the other person space to keep going on and to correct you. According
to Voss, dynamic silence works best after you have established,
through mirroring and labeling, that you are listening, engaged, and
understanding.

There's a video discussing dynamic silence
[here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKYzRXl3jXM).

#### My personal experience with dynamic silence

I have found dynamic silence to be generally useful when the other
side is reasonably articulate. I haven't really needed to consciously
practice it; it seems to come naturally.

### Calibrated questions: using "what" and "how" rather than "why"

Calibrated questions (also called open-ended questions) are what/how
questions designed to both elicit information from the counterpart and
start the collaborative process with them by introducing to them the
considerations and challenges on your side (Voss calls this "forced
empathy"). According to Voss, the main purpose of calibrated questions
isn't necessarily to get clear answers, but to get the other side to
slow down and think. Two of his favorite questions are:

* "How am I supposed to do that?"
* "What's going to happen if I do that?"

There's a video of Chris Voss explaining these questions
[here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46cwaiUq58U).

Voss is generally against the use of "why" questions because he claims
that, universally across languages and cultures, it gets people
defensive. When people hear "why" it sounds to them like you think
there's something wrong, and they want to defend themselves against
accusations. That's because about half the time people use "why" they
*are* being accusatory, and the other half, they genuinely want to
know -- and a person on the receiving end can have their defensiveness
triggered even when it shouldn't because they have uncertainty about
the asker's state of mind.

#### Legitimate questions

Another related idea that Voss goes over in the MasterClass is to ask
"legitimate" questions (and/or raise legitimate concerns) --
basically, the calibrated questions that, if the other side were to
hear, they would have to agree that this is a valid point. For
instance, rather than asking "How will you guarantee me that X?" ask
the underlying question which might be "How do we deal with the fact
that I am operating with uncertainty regarding X?" Voss gives the
example of the proof-of-life question that hostage negotiators must
ask the kidnapper; he suggests a "How do I know the victim is alive?"
rather than demanding a proof of life.

#### My personal experience with calibrated questions

I have generally found the calibrated questions idea to work well,
though I've generally used it more for information-gathering than for
forced empathy. Avoiding "why" in particular seems to make a lot of
intuitive sense and I've generally found it to be effective at
reducing both the defensiveness of the other side and the perceived
antagonism in the interaction to third parties.

#### How "dark arts"y are calibrated questions?

I don't see any clear mechanism by which calibrated questions are dark
arts-y.

#### Do calibrated questions have a place in rational discourse?

Yes! In fact, I think the idea of using what/how questions instead of
why questions has a purely rational basis, in addition to the reasons
based on the emotional triggers that "why" could produce. Namely, a
"what"/"how" question tends to be more constructive or specific. A
"why" question is much more vague, like an injunction to "explain
yourself".

For instance, if you ask "Why did you do X?" it's a very difficult
question to address. Instead, a question like "What was your
motivation for X?" has an appropriate level of focus on motivation. On
the other hand, a question like "What events led you to do X?" has a
focus on history. By picking a specific aspect, it avoids the very
vague "explain yourself" character of the "why" question.

### Accusations audit

The "accusations audit" is a comprehensive list of the negative
assumptions, thoughts, and feelings that the other side has about you
-- both things that they already might harbor and things that they are
at risk of harboring once you start revealing the information you're
planning to reveal. The accusations audit is then communicated to the
other side to show that you're aware of the issues and also to get out
in front of them so that both sides can be more relaxed and make
progress.

The accusations audit is a proactive version of labeling negatives,
where instead of waiting for negatives to pop up before labeling them,
you get out in front of them. Some of the remarks made previously
about Voss's claim that labeling negatives diffuses them also apply
here.

As with labeling negatives in general, it's important in the
accusations audit to not try to preemptively defend against or contest
the negatives. The first step is to acknowledge the negative, and let
the other side acknowledge your acknowledgement. In many cases, the
act of acknowledgement itself diffuses the negative enough; in other
cases, there's enough time after the acknowledgement to address the
substantive issues raised by the negative.

Chris Voss explains the accusations audit [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aupL1wXVbGA).

Brandon Voss has a practical video on the accusations audit
[here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TdvtxranNk).

#### My personal experience with the accusations audit

The accusations audit can be tricky without a good mental model of the
other person. It can also be tricky to do if you have a lot of
self-esteem issues of your own. I think a key ingredient to the
success of the accusations audit is the ability to genuinely think
from the other side's perspective, rather than project your own
insecurities.

With that caveat, I've found the accusations audit useful,
particularly for being able to start discussions that may otherwise not
have happened (unlike reactive labeling, the accusations audit can be
started asynchronously and used as input to try to get the other side
engaged).

#### How "dark arts"y is the accusations audit?

I don't think the accusations audit is "dark arts"y. With that said, a
variant of it could be, where you trump up exaggerated accusations
with the goal of manipulating the other person into consoling you. The
key way to overcome that is that the "accusations" have to be the
other person's accusations toward you, not your accusations toward
them. There should be no judgment from your end conveyed as you
describe the accusations.

#### Does the accusations audit have a place in rational discourse?

I think so! I think bringing out negative assumptions, thoughts, and
feelings early creates the scope to actually address them in the
interaction.

### No-oriented questions

The idea behind no-oriented questions is to frame yes/no questions in
a way that the answer that will make your life easier is the "no"
answer. I found this one of the most interesting and thought-provoking
negotiation techniques.

For instance, instead of asking "Is it ok to publish this?" ask "Are
there any concerns with publishing this?" Or, in a sales call context,
instead of asking "Do you have a few minutes?" ask "Is now a bad
time?"

The simplest reason, as given by Voss, is that "yes" can make us feel
trapped, like we're being pressured or tricked into agreeing with
something. On the other hand, "no" makes us feel freer and safer, like
we have protected ourselves. I think there are a few other factors
that make no-oriented questions valuable, that I explore in the next
few paras.

Chris Voss has a video on no-oriented questions
[here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiuIHvF1EB0).

#### My personal experience with no-oriented questions

Among all the negotiation techniques, I feel that the switch to
no-oriented questions has been the one that's influenced my day-to-day
actions the most. Part of this might be that this technique is highly
applicable to low-bandwidth, asynchronous interaction, that forms a
large proportion of my interaction.

In particular, the majority of my questions, particularly around
getting consent/approval for joint actions, are now no-oriented. While
I think in most cases it doesn't end up mattering, I feel like it does
make things smoother when it does matter (i.e., when the other side's
answer is the opposite of what's easier for me).

#### Do no-oriented questions have a place in rational discourse?

Other than the psychological benefits of "no" making us feel more
protected, are there other benefits to no-oriented questions? I think
so, and I think it would be good to generally push more toward
no-oriented questions.

First, I think the act of formulating a no-oriented question helps us,
as question-creators, think of the nature of the objection/challenge
more clearly. The act of formulating the question itself therefore
improves the likelihood of catching issues.

Second, formulating a no-oriented question makes the other side more
comfortable responding in *either* way: with a yes (i.e., the answer
that makes life harder) *and* with a no (i.e., that makes life
easier). By using a no-oriented formulation, you're signaling to the
other side that you are prepared for bad news (in the form of a
"yes"). This also means that if they deliver bad news, it feels more
collaborative -- both sides are actively trying to unearth the bad
news and address it rather than hide from it -- and less of a fight.

Third, responding to a no-oriented question also triggers more
thinking from the other side, partly because you've already shown that
you are willing to hear bad news.

### Summaries (available only in the session)

The "summary" is a technique not covered explicitly in the regular
MasterClass, but covered more in the session. A summary is usually a
paragraph or two that summarizes what the counterpart has been saying
and/or what all has been discussed so far.

The summary is something that should be used once you've extracted
relevant information using mirrors and labels. A summary can be
somewhat similar to labels, in that individual sentences in the
summary can be similar to labels, but it differs in that it puts
everything together.

Summaries could also be used at the beginning to start with what's
known already, but it's usually better to begin with an accusations
audit if that applies, and to wait till there's more information
before attempting a summary.

#### "You're right" versus "that's right"

Voss says that getting the other side to say "you're right" isn't
great, but getting the other side to say "that's right" is
great. "That's right" is an acknowledgement by the other side that
you've understood the situation.

While "that's right" is great to hear at any time (e.g., in response
to a good label), the summary is the time in the conversation when
you're most likely to get it, because a good summary that exactly
speaks to the other side gets the most satisfied response from them.

#### My personal experience with summaries

I had not come across summaries as a negotiation technique until I
watched the session in December 2021. I have done summaries in the
past, and generally think they are useful.

I have a little caveat / nuance to add to the "you're right" versus
"that's right" distinction. While "that's right" is almost always a
good sign, "you're right" isn't always a bad sign; the tone of voice
and the context matters. If somebody says "you're right" right after
you go on a tirade, it's probably a bad sign and suggests they may
want you to shut up. However, if the counterpart has a spontaneous
epiphany and says "you're right about X!" that's good. So the context
and tone of voice matter a lot in interpreting "you're right."

### Paraphrasing (available only in the session)

Paraphrasing, like mirroring, involves repeating the things your
counterpart said back to them. However, paraphrasing isn't just the
last few words, but goes over a larger portion of what they said,
picking out key ideas. Paraphrasing doesn't need to use the exact
words, but it should still retain the meanings.

Paraphrasing is similar to summaries but involves less *synthesis* and
more just a literal reading and compression of what was said.

When your counterpart is unloading a lot of information, interrupting
them to paraphrase it, and then handing the control back to them,
might bee a good idea. While people don't like being interrupted, so
they may feel a little bit or irritation in the moment, their fear
that you interrupted them just to say your own thing will dissipate
once you hand control back to them.

Roughly speaking:

Mirrors : Paraphrasing :: Labels : Summaries

#### My personal experience with paraphrasing

I have not used paraphrasing much, but generally agree with some of
the benefits.

### Using "that's my problem" when introducing constraints (only in the session)

This is a little related to the accusations audit, but a slightly
different tack. Sometimes, in a negotiation, you need to introduce a
tricky constraint from your side. If you expect that the first
reaction of the other side to you introducing the constraint would be
for them to think "that's your problem, not mine" then -- preface with
"that's my problem" before introducing the constraint. That way, it
becomes clear to the counterpart that while you are seeking their help
to work within the constraint, you aren't allocating blame or
responsibility for the constraint to your counterpart.

#### My personal experience with "that's my problem"

I like this idea. I hadn't specifically encountered it before the
MasterClass session, and haven't had many opportunities to apply it,
but I expect I will.

## Other ideas

### Tactical empathy

This is not so much a single technique as an underlying idea that
influences other techniques; nonetheless it's close enough to a
technique. The idea behind "tactical empathy" is to demonstrate --
through actions -- that you understand and respect the situation your
counterpart is facing and the impact it's having on them (of course,
if you don't yet understand, things like mirroring, labeling, and
calibrated questions help get you there). Tactical empathy is
different from but related to sympathy ("I feel how you feel"). The
goal of tactical empathy is to get the other side to trust that you
have a good enough understanding of their situation that you can
collaborate with them to solve problems.

There is a lengthy video by Voss on tactical empathy
[here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRERVNNbB4Q).

#### Trust-based influence

In the MasterClass and elsewhere, Voss uses the term "trust-based
influence" to describe the kind of influence that you can build
through the use of tactical empathy, supported by other methods
discussed earlier (mirroring, labeling, calibrated questions). With
trust-based influence, the other side understands that you understand
their situation and respect them, and therefore trusts that you'll be
able to collaborate with them to solve problems.

#### My personal experience with tactical empathy

I have not actively applied tactical empathy as a technique, but I
think my practice has moved a bit in that direction after being
exposed to the concept.

#### How "dark arts"y is tactical empathy?

I think tactical empathy can be "dark arts"y if you actually don't
understand the counterpart's situation.

It's still likely less "dark arts"y than false sympathy or false
agreement.

#### Does tactical empathy have a place in rational discourse?

Tactical empathy seems closely related to proto-rationalist ideas such
as [Rogerian
argument](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rogerian_argument) and the
similar "[ideological Turing
test](https://www.econlib.org/archives/2011/06/the_ideological.html)".

### Tone of voice

Voss identifies three kinds of tones of voice:

* Assertive: Ideally never use this!
* Playful/accommodating: Use this when learning and
  collaborating. Generally, this should be used about 80% of the time.
* Late-night FM DJ: This is a calm, slow, and firm tone used to
  communicate immovability. Use this instead of the assertive voice
  when standing firm. Generally, this should be used about 20% of the
  time.

He also identifies two kinds of inflections:

* Inquisitive (upward inflection)
* Declarative (downward inflection)

Inquisitive inflections are good when you want to get the other side
to talk more.

#### My personal experience with tone of voice

Since a lot of my communication is text-based rather than voice-based,
these concepts have had limited utility to me. One general idea that
I've taken from this is to speak more slowly (one of the aspects of
the late-night FM DJ voice). I might also have reduced my use of
assertive voice and increased my use of playful/accommodating voice as
a result of being influenced by these ideas.

Some of the principles also carry over from tone of voice to tone of
text communication. Even prior to this MasterClass, I adopted a upbeat
style of communication, sprinkling exclamation points and smileys in
future drafts. I've continued with this practice.

#### How "dark arts"y is tone of voice?

I don't see anything "dark arts"y about using using a
playful/accommodating tone of voice, or the late night FM DJ voice.

#### Does tone of voice have a place in rational discourse?

Tone of voice (or tone of text) provides another dimension of
communication that influences discourse. Using it in a good way seems
consistent with the idea of rational discourse. Since a lot of
rational discourse is centered around open exchange of ideas, the
playful/accommodating tone of voice seems suited to it.

### Tackling loss aversion

Voss talks about [loss
aversion](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loss_aversion) -- he calls it
"fear of loss" -- and says that this distorts people's thinking a
lot. So what do you do if the idea on the table isn't about a loss?
His suggestion seems to boil dow to framing it in terms of a loss by
using the [opportunity
cost](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opportunity_cost) framing:
basically point to the other side what thy lose by *not* doing the
deal.

Voss talks about loss aversion in [this
video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vW6gPjk5Sc) where he cites the
academic field of [prospect
theory](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prospect_theory). He says that
reframing a forgone gain as a loss can be so powerful that the term
*bending reality* can be used for it.

#### How "dark arts"y is tackling loss aversion?

To the extent that this is about combating and neutralizing an
existing loss aversion bias, I think it's not a dark art. But to the
extent it's about invoking loss aversion and creating distortionary
fear, I think it is a dark art. A lot depends on the implementation.

#### My personal experience with tackling loss aversion

I do not remember any situations where I consciously applied this
technique; also, I was already broadly aware of the ideas of loss
aversion and opportunity cost so the marginal impact of the
MasterClass was low for me.

### Black swans

The term "black swan" refers to a hidden piece of information that,
once revealed, changes the shape of the negotiation. Part of the goal
of negotiation is the (collaborative) discovery of these black
swans. This can be thought of as one reason it's so important to get
the other side to talk and reveal more private information (combining
this private information with your private information can help
unearth the black swans).

#### My personal experience with black swans

I have not had any major success unearthing black swans! But I still
think it's a valuable idea.

#### How "dark arts"y are black swans?

I don't see the idea of trying to discover black swans as "dark
arts"y.

#### Do black swans have a place in rational discourse?

Absolutely! I think a lot of rational discourse is about discovering
new ideas, and some of the more novel ones could qualify as black
swans.

### Fairness and reciprocity

The related ideas of fairness and reciprocity come up a lot in
negotiation. Awareness of these can help.

Voss talks of a few ideas related to these:

* Avoid triggering reciprocity by e.g., making asks/demands, when
  there are other alternative ways: For instance, the use of
  legitimate calibrated questions can engage your counterpart to
  collaboratively solve the problem with you, without triggering the
  sense that they are doing you a favor.

* Rather than say things like "I only want what's fair" (that can be
  read as an accusation of unfairness) reassure the other side that if
  at any point they feel that they aren't being treated fairly, they
  should speak up.

* Offer things to the other side (this could include goodies or
  information) that aren't costly for you, but that are either
  directly valuable to the other side, or at least signal that you are
  there to help them and/or that they are squeezing out good value
  from you. An example is mentioned in the final stage of Ackerman
  bargaining: once you are at the limit of the budget you are willing
  to pay, offer some non-monetary good that is cheap for you -- and
  may even be something not valuable to the other side (if you can't
  think of anything valuable to them) -- but that shows the other side
  that you are stretched to the limit with the money side and they've
  gotten a good deal.

### Negotiating styles (covered more in the session)

In the MasterClass session, Voss and colleagues talk about three
negotiating styles/personalities; you can see more details
[here](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-3-types-of-negotiators-and-how-to-tell-which-one_b_594378c5e4b0d188d027fd4c):

* Assertive style/personality: The assertive style is to assert, to
  confront, and to make sure one's point of view is heard.

* Analyst style/personality: Analysts care more about getting data and
  information, and tend to be reticent to say much, especially early
  on.

* Accommodator style/personality: Accommodators want and try to be
  liked; they value harmony and feel the need to diffuse any tension
  or awkwardness.

The personalities correspond to the tones of voice previously
discussed; assertive style corresponds to assertive tone of voice,
analyst style corresponds to the "late night FM DJ" voice, and
accommodator style corresponds to the playful/accommodating tone of
voice. However, the underlying style and tone of voice don't need to
match. For instance, the assertive *tone of voice* should probably
never be used, but the assertive style/personality can still be
expressed through other tones of voice and can be important.

The general advice for different personalities is to focus on
incorporating more of the techniques that don't naturally jive with
that personality. Here are some of the ideas if you're one of these
personalities:

* Assertive style/personality: Assertives need to make sure they are
  not using an assertive *tone of voice*. Also, they may need to be
  more conscious of shutting up and *listening* so as to hear what the
  other side has to say.

* Analyst style/personality: Analysts need to make sure that they are
  sufficiently warm and friendly, as the analyst personality can
  appear too reticent at times. Active application of negotiation
  techniques such as mirroring and labeling can help with this.

* Accommodator style/personality: Accommodators tend to generally be
  good listeners, but tend to have more trouble with using tools like
  dynamic silence to get the other side to talk. They may also end up
  talking or revealing too much, or overpromising.

There is also general advice for dealing with the different sorts of
personalities in your counterpart:

* Assertive style/personality: When dealing with assertives, it's
  particularly important to let them have their say first. This is
  important even in general, but less so for analysts and
  accommodators, who don't generally have that much of an urge to have
  their say first.

* Analyst style/personality: When dealing with analysts, it's helpful
  to draw them out more. Instead of asking questions, using labels and
  mislabels can help draw out the analyst due to their desire for
  correctness.

* Accommodator style/personality: When dealing with accommodators, it's
  important to get them to feel more comfortable to voice their own
  concerns and get out of the mode of trying to accommodate. Also,
  accommodators may tend to overpromise when they feel pressure to
  please, so it's important to be careful about that.

### Zigzag path to progress (described more in the session)

One general idea presented in the session, and demonstrated in
various demonstrations, is that the path to progress isn't always
monotonic -- there can be some ups and downs along the way. One of the
mechanisms is that as people get more comfortable in the negotiation,
they reveal more of their challenges and negative feelings, which can
sometimes cause them to heat up. Also, sometimes the application of
labels and mirrors may be off; for instance, a mislabel can cause the
counterpart to get more angry sometimes.

However, even if the emotional journey isn't always one of progress,
the informational journey usually is -- even with the rocky emotional
moments, new information is emerging that can ultimately be used to
make more progress.

## General concerns

This section goes into detail on general concerns that I've had or
that have been raised to me about negotiation techniques. This
includes concerns raised from rationalist perspectives.

### Asymmetry between you and the counterpart

While there is a lot of homage paid to the idea of negotiation not
being a zero-sum game, the fact is that most of the negotiation
techniques are applied asymmetrically between you and your
counterpart. For instance, "let them go first" -- what happens if both
you and your counterpart are trained in negotiation techniques and
trying them on one another?

Another way of thinking of it game-theoretically: are negotiation
techniques like defecting in a prisoner's dilemma, achieving gains at
the other person's expense, but if both people did it, both sides
would lose out?

In one of his interviews, Voss addresses this in some depth. He says
that he actually does't mind, and even prefers, if people use his
negotiation techniques on him. He says, for instance, that most of his
co-workers ask no-oriented questions all the time. He's used to it and
doesn't consider it manipulative.

What if both sides were using negotiation techniques on each other? In
particular, what if both sides are trying to let the other side go
first? Could this result in an impasse? Some more advanced treatments
of negotiation techniques (including some parts of the MasterClass)
discuss this. Generally, if the other side is really passionate about
wanting you to go first, it's a good opportunity to learn what concerns
they have about going first, for which you can use mirroring,
labeling, and calibrated questions. Ultimately, if there's something
that's a deal breaker for them, it's good to know that in a way that
doesn't involve confrontation and anger, and that's what the
negotiation techniques are for.

So, whereas the fundamental criticism that negotiation techniques are
asymmetric is true, they can be adapted easily to a symmetric world,
and that symmetric world is likely even better for both parties than
if only one side is applying negotiation techniques.

### How should awareness of the negotiation techniques affect your expectations of how others interact with you?

The bad, entitled way to use your knowledge of negotiation techniques
is to start expecting that people around you will start using the nice
parts of them on you. For instance, maybe you realize how great it is
to hear calibrated questions instead of "why" questions, or how much
better no-oriented questions sound (on the receiving end) than
yes-oriented questions. An entitled application of this enhanced
knowledge would be to start suggesting/demanding that the people
around you start using these techniques with you so that your lived
experience is nicer. However, you rarely have the level of control
over other people to do this in a big enough way, and it's entitled to
expect that they do. I do think it's worth sharing these ideas with
friends so that they can be more effective, just not primarily for the
purpose of them providing a better experience to *you*!

A better way to apply your knowledge of these is to come to situations
with more awareness of your own subconscious triggers. When somebody
asks a why question, and you feel defensive or irritated, notice that,
and think about how much of this is the "why" framing of the
question. In some cases, the other person's use of "why" might reflect
genuine irritation and hostility on their part. In other cases,
though, it may be an innocuous word choice. One thing I have found
useful is to notice my slight defensiveness at being asked why
questions, then pause, and then answer them instead as if I had been
asked a corresponding what/how question. In almost all cases, this
works really well. In rare cases where I detect extreme hostility in
the why question, or extreme lack of clarity in it, some other
methods such as mirroring, labeling, or asking calibrated questions
back can help.

The same goes with the use of yes-oriented questions: I now tend to
notice my sense of feeling pressured when somebody asks me a
yes-oriented question that I do not fully want to say yes to. In such
cases, I sidestep the use of a binary response and answer in the same
sort of way as if I'd been asked a no-oriented question.

In addition to helping me respond better to cases where others ask
questions or make remarks to which my initial response is negative,
this awareness also gives me a better lens when viewing interactions
(written or oral) as a third party. When an interaction that starts
off cordially becomes openly antagonistic, or when an interaction
seems to have undertones of hostility, I can often locate things like
why questions and yes-oriented questions in there.

### Insufficient self-expression

The outward focus of negotiation techniques counters a lot of advice
on the importance of expressing yourself. If everybody were busy
negotiating, would people avoid expressing themselves?

I think this is an important criticism and it's important to remember
that in a context where the other side is interested in what you have
to say, expressing yourself is good (because it's actually meeting a
need of both sides, i.e., it is a [coincidence of
wants](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coincidence_of_wants)). Negotiation
techniques are more the scaffolding you put around self-expression,
they aren't about the self-expression itself but they help support it
by helping create a safe environment for that expression.

For instance, the idea of letting the other side go first and
extracting information from them is important because, generally, only
once people have had their say do they feel relaxed enough to hear
you.

Similarly, the accusations audit helps diffuse the other person's
negative valence around you, putting them in a position to actually
listen to you.

### Are negotiation techniques symmetric weapons, asymmetric in a good way, or asymmetric in a bad way?

Scott Alexander introduced the concept of asymmetric weapons in two
blog posts
([here](https://slatestarcodex.com/2017/03/24/guided-by-the-beauty-of-our-weapons/)
and
[here](https://slatestarcodex.com/2019/06/06/asymmetric-weapons-gone-bad/)). The
first blog post highlighted reason as an asymmetric weapon that
generally helps push toward epistemic progress. The second blog post
pointed out several ways that the asymmetric weapon of reason could
actually make things worse. A question about negotiation principles
and techniques is whether they are symmetric, or asymmetric in a
predictable way.

I think negotiation principles and techniques are *slightly*
asymmetric in a positive direction. Overall, if more people adopted
these successfully, interactions would be calmer and more
collaborative, and this would lead to better outcomes for all.

### Principal-agent concerns

In many cases, your counterpart is an *agent* of an organization or
another entity (the *principal*). For instance, you might be
negotiating with an employee of a company you are doing business
with. The employee is the agent. The business is the principal. In any
situation where the agent and principal differ, there is potential for
a [principal-agent
problem](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Principal%E2%80%93agent_problem).

The bulk of negotiation techniques are focused on the agent, and as
such, they may exploit the principal-agent problem to get good deals
for yourself. Many of the examples provided by Chris Voss, including
free hotel room upgrades, free flight ticket upgrades, and special
coupons at stores, seem to be open to this criticism.

I do think this is a valid but ultimately minor criticism. In most of
these cases, the principals have already made a macro decision as to
how much discretion to grant agents, and your actions are operating
within that discretionary framework. For instance, if the hotel front
desk staff has the ability to offer you a late checkout, that's
because the hotel management decided to grant them this flexibility.

That said, there could be exceptions, and I think as an individual you
can decide/choose not to apply negotiation techniques to situations
where you feel it's exploiting a principal-agent problem in a
particularly bad way.

### How much does this move the needle in the real world?

The ultimate criticism is that this all sounds cool, but how
consequential is it to the challenges facing civilization? Surely we
can't negotiate our way out of AI risk!

I don't have a solid answer, but here is a tentative reason to think
this is important. First, improving the quality of cooperation in
general -- both in terms of the objective results produced and the
positive vibes around it that make it more sustainable -- seems
extremely important for tackling difficult challenges. People like
Brian Tomasik have
[written](https://longtermrisk.org/a-lower-bound-on-the-importance-of-promoting-cooperation/)
about the broad theme.

Negotiation techniques done right seem like a good way to improve
collaboration, coordination, and cooperation, at least at the
micro-level. The handwavy part is getting from that to macro-level
improvements in cooperation, in ways that meaningfully improve the
world. I don't have a lot of confidence in how strong that connection
is. But I think it might be enough to at least give negotiation
techniques a try. The magnitude is uncertain but I think the effect is
likely positive.

## Conclusion

Overall I am glad to have been exposed to the negotiation techniques
and ideas popularized by Chris Voss. I think many of them could be
valuable to readers on LessWrong. Thank you for reading all the way
till here, and please don't hesitate to share your thoughts in the
comments here!