# Against “You can just do things”

The barriers between us and what we want are often entirely imagined. It is true: you can learn how to paint, change careers, write a paper or run a marathon. These things are hard, but we shouldn’t pretend that they are impossible. You can just do them.

But this mindset has a dangerous edge case: it can make you skip asking for permission precisely when you *should* ask. The anxiety you're overriding might be trying to tell you something important: that [sometimes the fence is there for a reason](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Chesterton%27s_fence).

![](https://39669.cdn.cke-cs.com/rQvD3VnunXZu34m86e5f/images/e5d6e6eedd521b185953c87a05729496671e5b68feba447b.png)

Here are two illustrative examples from my life (with details changed to protect the privacy of those involved) that motivated my thinking:

1.  A close friend in high school (we call him friend #1)  was faced with the pressure of finding a date to the prom lest he look like a total loser. Under the pressure of desperately trying to find someone to go to prom with, he realized that there was nothing stopping him from asking the girl that he had liked for years. He realized he could “just do things.” *The worst she could say is no!*
    
    Friend #1 asked out his love interest and she said yes. It turns out, however, that another one of his friends had gone on a few dates with her and assumed they would be going to prom together! Friend #1 knew about the dates but assumed this wasn’t a big deal. To friend #2, this was a *very big deal*. The girl ended up changing her mind about prom and decided to go with no one because she didn't want to cause drama. 
    
    Everyone in the friend group took the side of friend #2 and friend #1 spent his prom night alone while his friends, who now were now upset with him, partied it up.
    
2.  Person #1 agreed to start an EA club with person #2 at their college. Without consulting person #2, person #1 quickly got funding, recruited a faculty advisor and appointed themselves to be president on the newly created website they created. Person #1 reportedly gave themselves credit for “being agentic.”
    
    Although there was no explicit decision to be co-presidents, person #2 felt like they were cut out of the club that they collectively decided to start together and became skeptical of self-identified EAs and EA in general.
    

My interpretation is *not* that people use “being agentic” as an excuse to be a bad person. I believe that people who “just do things” have neutral to good intentions but their initiative can get in the way of their actual goals.

It turns out that getting things done, whether that is finding love or starting an EA group, requires quite a bit of not “just doing things.” In the high school prom example**:** Although it is true that you can in fact just ask your crush on a date (or anyone!), the anxiety related to making these advances can be a useful barrier between you and a terrible decision you will regret. Interpersonal dynamics around romantic relationships are extremely delicate. Asking out someone is actually a huge risk in a tightly bound high school where everyone knows each other.

One could convincingly argue that friend #1 really did nothing wrong. The girl he liked was single and he asked her out. It’s really everyone else’s fault for being crazy! Fine. But that doesn’t change the social reality that people are often crazy and that friend #1’s actions were ultimately detrimental to his goals.

The University group example is similar. Person #1 confused “not needing permission to do things” with “not needing to coordinate with your stated collaborator.” Yes, looping person #2 in would have slowed things down but the speed came at the cost of the partnership itself. Person #1 optimized for individual velocity when they needed to optimize for collective buy-in. As a result, they alienated person #2 (who was one of the most promising young EAs in the country!).

**Consider doing things but like still think about it**
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The tension between "you can just do things" and "you need permission" dissolves when you realize we're talking about very different kinds of people.

You don't need permission from:

*   People who hate you and do not want to see you happy
*   Those who claim authority but have no stake

You need permission from:

*   People you've made commitments to
*   Relationships where trust is necessary

The key insight is that doing things requires thinking about who else is in the system you're acting within. Friend #1's mistake wasn't asking someone out; it was not recognizing that friend #2 had built (arguably unreasonable) expectations around an ongoing courtship. Person #1's mistake was clearer: they had an explicit partner and acted unilaterally.

Before you “just do” something, ask yourself: whose permission am I assuming I don't need? Sometimes you're good to go. Sometimes you're about to ruin prom for everyone.