# Von Neumann's Fallacy and You

I am a knowledge worker. Over the course of my life I've felt insecure about not knowing  more than I already do. I took a general cognitive ability test that placed me in the 98% percentile of the population. I don't know how accurate the test was; I know that there are better ones out there. Assuming it's accurate-ish I would be 2 standard deviations above the mean.

I have also been described as a genius more than once, including by peers whose intellect I admire myself. I've also made software contributions and libraries that have stunned my peers. Despite the external signals I often don't really feel smart enough, but this changed when I learned some details about the life of Dr. John von Neumann.

Von Neumann was a true genius. He was certainly smarter than I'll ever be by an insurmountable margin. He made so many discoveries in so many fields that people had to stop naming them "von Neumann's Law" because it was too difficult to figure out which law it referred to.

These were not small discoveries either. He was a big contributor to game theory and quantum mechanics. Von Neumann architecture describes the computers that most of us use. His [wikipedia entry](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_von_Neumann) is so long describing his contributions that it almost hurts to scroll through it.

I think the most amazing anecdotes I've ever heard are from von Neumann too.

Another genius by the name of Eugene Wigner (who also has a ridiculous wiki page) was quoted as saying:

“I have known a great many intelligent people in my life. I knew [Max Planck](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Max_Planck), [Max von Laue](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Max_von_Laue), and [Werner Heisenberg](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Werner_Heisenberg). [Paul Dirac](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Dirac) was my brother-in-law; [Leo Szilard](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leo_Szilard) and Edward Teller have been among my closest friends; and [Albert Einstein](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Einstein) was a good friend, too. And I have known many of the brightest younger scientists. But none of them had a mind as quick and acute as Jancsi von Neumann. I have often remarked this in the presence of those men, and no one ever disputed me.”

He was actually paid just to provide scraps of his thoughts:  
  
“For his services, von Neumann would receive US$200 a month – the average monthly salary at that time. The offer from \[John Williams, founder of the RAND corporation\] came with a charming stipulation: ‘the only part of your thinking time we’d like to bid for systematically is that which you spend shaving: we’d like you to pass on to us any ideas that come to you while so engaged’.”

He had super-human recall. There are several stories of him being able to read a book once and then repeat it back, word for word, until he was told to stop. Some of them mention his ability to remember the *location on the page* the words were.

Often the intellectuals we revere are able to embed themselves in history with a single grand accomplishment. Von Neumann had so many you would have to read a book just to understand how many contributions he made and each topic could very well be book worthy of itself.

So it's beyond dispute. Von Neumann is one of the most remarkable men who has ever lived. So why do I feel *less* secure when I read about his contributions, when I will never be able to match the smallest of them?

Because Von Neumann was profoundly insecure about his own intellect.

He was *convinced* he would fade into obscurity and that his discoveries were inadequate. He believed that people would remember Albert Einstein and Kurt Gödel and he would fade into obscurity. In fairness, Einstein is a household name and Von Neumann isn't.

But remember, Von Neumannn was pronounced, by a peer, to be smarter than Albert Einstein *to his face* and got no objection.

Gödel is obscure to everyone other than mathematicians. They remember him because he has affected mathematics for *every* mathematician. (Also, von Neumann discovered one of Gödel's incompleteness theorems *while* Gödel had lectured on the first, but before he could present on the second. He gave his proof to Gödel in the interim and was disappointed Gödel had beat him to it). 

But vonn Neumann's work with computers has impacted, well, just about everybody. There are *multiple* core fields where you can't get a PhD without coming across von Neumann. 

Which means...the only person who couldn't appreciate von Neumann's intellect was himself.

<pause and let that sink in>

There is a belief people have that if they get better, they'll finally be good enough. The pressure is relentless, there are plenty of geniuses out there that can make you take step back and question yourself (even if they're *only* as smart as Albert Einstein, I guess).

It's also nonsense. There is no point at which you will have acquired so much knowledge that you will finally be internally compelled to accept yourself.

I believe the broader principle to be generally true among elites in diverse areas. I recall a finalist at a beauty pageant I talked to describing how every woman participating never felt more insecure about their bodies. The most physically strong man I knew was convinced his muscles were pathologically small.

As a knowledge worker and as someone whose value to society has a literal price tag associated with my capability to solve problems, I feel inadequate a lot of the time. I will never be mentioned in the same *breath* as people like Einstein, [Anatol Rapoport](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anatol_Rapoport) or Richard Feynman.

But I'm not stupid enough to fail to learn from such a clear mistake, made more obvious by coming from one of the biggest geniuses who ever lived.

I also work with and lead many other brilliant people who also never will be intellectual pillars of humanity and constantly feel bad about themselves for not being more brilliant. I've been surprised how much of my time at big companies is spent pulling people out of the pit of inadequacy and self disgust (some of whom I admire as much as a human being can admire another).  I thank my lucky stars I have von Neumann to point to, share anecdotes of his life and follow up with:

"There is never a point where someone is smart enough that they will feel smart enough. You are here because you are qualified to be here and while we can all improve, you're good enough. Accept yourself as you are right now. The biggest fallacy of Vonn Neumann's life was that he never appreciated his own capabilities. Don't make that mistake; appreciate yours. I certainly do."