# Nine Flavors of Not Enough

I think there’s something interesting going on at the intersection of the Enneagram and Zen. To explain it, though, first I need to tell you a bit about my kind of Zen.

I practice Zen in the lineage of Charlotte Joko Beck. Her teaching style was, for its time, radically non-traditional. In an era when talking too much about your inner thoughts and feelings was discouraged by first-generation Japanese-American Zen teachers, she believed Western students needed to practice a Zen that leaned on familiar psychological concepts to make sense. One of those concepts is what she called the “core belief”.

The core belief is a deeply held, usually unconscious belief about ourselves. It almost always feels like some flavor of “not enough”. It forms early, operates automatically, and powers the reactive, habitual, and often maladaptive patterns of behavior that make up most of what we call our personality.

The cruel trick of the core belief is that it reinforces itself. It tries to protect you from noticing anything that might confirm it, and by doing so actually generates more evidence in favor of it. For example, if you believe you’re unlovable, you might push people away so they can’t prove you aren’t worthy of love, or you might stay so anxiously close to them that no one has a chance to notice how they really feel about you. It’s a psychological trap that heaps suffering upon more suffering, and almost all of us have been ensnared in it since before we can remember.

Joko doesn’t advocate for getting rid of the core belief. In fact, she argues that would be impossible. Instead, it’s about becoming intimate with it, noticing it when it shows up, and learning to face reality rather than hiding from it. The more you do that, the less power the core belief has to control your life, and the more you are free of the suffering it causes.

But describing the core belief as a feeling of “not enough” is rather vague. You can sit for years, intellectually knowing you have a core belief, and never catch a glimpse of what your core belief really is. It’s possible to have so many layers of psychological barriers in place that you never allow yourself to see it.

In the Ordinary Mind Zen School that Joko founded, we practice getting past these barriers by paying attention to sensations in the body. Much like in [Gendlin’s Focusing](https://www.lesswrong.com/w/focusing), we try to notice the physical sensations that arise when we react out of anger, fear, or desire. We become familiar with those physical feelings, then, let our minds name them. Sometimes the names we give provide surprising insights. Other times, nothing comes, and more noticing is needed. Over time, with the help of a skilled teacher, one can learn to work with their core belief and tease apart how it limits life.

Now, it’s pretty normal in Zen to do things like this from scratch with a minimum of conceptual frameworks. And I generally endorse this approach, but sometimes it’s helpful to get hints. Based on my understanding of the Enneagram, gleaned from Michael Valentine Smith’s series of posts on it last year ([1](https://morphenius.substack.com/p/an-enneagram-overview), [2](https://morphenius.substack.com/p/ego-spirals), [3](https://morphenius.substack.com/p/putting-people-in-boxes), [4](https://morphenius.substack.com/p/sciencing-the-enneagrams-lines)), I think its nine types provide a map to common patterns of core beliefs, and may help a person better practice with their core belief when noticing alone leaves them stuck.

**The Enneagram is a Map of Suffering**
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Over the years, I’ve occasionally taken Enneagram tests, and every time I found the results unhelpful. I’d get categorized as some type, be offered some explanation of what it means, and while it seemed like it might be true, it all fell flat for me. Am I a 9? A 3? a 1? Who knows! The outcome seemed to change based on my mood. I had little reason to think that the Enneagram was useful.

Michael helped me see value in the Enneagram by reframing it, not as a personality classification system, but as a map to how and why we suffer.

In his framework, each person has what he calls “Essence”, which is something like your true nature, the awareness and aliveness you had before reactive personality took over. Essence naturally expresses certain qualities, like love, clarity, peace, power, and freedom. But when Essence gets overwhelmed in early life, it creates a mechanical personality to stand between itself and the world. That personality tries to mimic Essence’s qualities, but it can only produce toxic imitations, and those imitations create self-reinforcing downward spirals.

He tongue-in-cheek summarizes the Enneagram as asking: “In which of these nine ways are you most screwed up?”

Reading his posts, I couldn’t help but notice that Michael’s “downward spiral” was not too different from how Joko describes the workings of the core belief. In fact, I think they’re pointing at the same mechanism, but are coming at it from different angles.

The Enneagram says personality tries to replace an essential quality, and fails because the replacement is mechanical. Joko says that the core belief generates reactive patterns that try to protect us from acknowledging it. Both say that these behaviors create lock-in, double down on what’s not working, and create a self-reinforcing loop of suffering.

What’s neat about the Enneagram is that, unlike Joko’s intimately individual approach, it gives you a map to the essential qualities your personality is trying to mimic. If the parallel between the Enneagram and Joko’s teachings holds, then each Enneagram type corresponds to a class of core beliefs. I might phrase those as:

*   Type 1: “I’m not good/right enough”
    
*   Type 2: “I’m not lovable enough as I am”
    
*   Type 3: “I’m not valuable enough without proof”
    
*   Type 4: “My inherent worth is missing or damaged”
    
*   Type 5: I’m not equipped enough to handle the world directly”
    
*   Type 6: “Nothing is reliable enough to trust”
    
*   Type 7: “What’s here isn’t enough”
    
*   Type 8: “I’m not solid/real enough”
    
*   Type 9: “Things aren’t okay enough to fully engage with”
    

Of interest to me is that this mapping can give greater specificity to Zen practice. It can be hard to simply sit with not-enoughness. You have only a vague idea what you’re looking for, and people are different enough that the way one person talks about their feeling of not enough may sound totally foreign to you. The Enneagram helps explain this, because different people really do have different styles of core belief that feel quite different from the inside.

That said, I see some danger in the Enneagram. It’s a system for putting names on things, and Zen is ultimately about seeing through how our mental constructs imprison us. The self is not a fixed thing. Our stories about ourselves are just more thoughts about whatever is really going on. The Enneagram risks becoming a new way of formulating a self to latch on to rather than a way to become free of it.

To be fair, Michael himself warns about exactly this in his series. People who get into the Enneagram often start trying to explain everything in terms of it, and then start contorting their behavior to fit their type. He recommends holding your type “extremely lightly” and measuring its value by a single criterion: does viewing yourself this way make your life more wholesome?

That’s a good test, and it’s the same test I think Joko would apply. Is your practice making you more open, more responsive, more alive to what’s actually happening? Or is it giving you a more sophisticated story about yourself? The Enneagram is useful exactly insofar as it helps you see through personality. It’s harmful exactly insofar as it helps you solidify it. If you find yourself using your type to explain your behavior rather than to notice and release it, set the Enneagram down.

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**Finding My Type**
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After reading Michael’s series, I got interested in what type I might be, since if my theory was right, it will help me in my Zen practice. When I’ve taken Enneagram tests, I’d variously score as a 3, a 5, a 7, or a 9. And if I’m honest with myself, I see something of myself in all the types. Hard to do much with that!

But as Michael argues, the tests are just looking at surface-level traits and don’t do a very good job of detecting Enneagram type. What you actually have to do is figure out which type helps you unwind the reactive downward spiral. As I think of it, you need to ask yourself: which type’s need, if it were fully met, would make you truly and deeply happy, and not because your need was incidentally met, but because your need was met fundamentally?

This is easier explained with an example. As I said, I often test as various types. Sometimes I test as a 3, meaning I need to prove I can achieve greatness. Other times I test as a 5, meaning I need to show off how much I know. But notice how I phrased those. I didn’t say I desire achievement or knowledge, I said I need to prove/show off. And you know what type needs to demonstrate personal specialness? That’s right: type 4.

As I think of it to myself, I’m happiest when my inner nobility is allowed to shine. Everything else is incidental. I’m smart enough that I can let my nobility shine by showing what I know. I’m capable enough that I can let it shine through achievement. In fact, I can make any of the types fit so long as it’s a means to showing off my specialness. I feel like this explains a lot about me.

What’s interesting from a Zen perspective is how a type 4 core belief maps to the central misperception that practice addresses. The 4’s spiral is powered by a search for inherent worth that was never missing. That’s basically what “seeing your true nature” is all about in Zen: recognizing that what you’ve been searching for was here all along. All you have to do is stop searching, and you’ll find yourself!

Now of course, following Michael’s advice, I hold this all lightly. Maybe I’m wrong about being a 4. Maybe someday I’ll find it makes sense to think of myself as another type. The point is not to be identified with a type, it’s to use the type to make sense of myself and point the way to actions I might take that would make my life better.

And the same is true if you want to try using the Enneagram. I suggest reading Michael’s series, and if you’re interested in learning more about Joko’s idea of the core belief, I suggest picking up her most recently published book, _Ordinary Wonder_.