(CNN) Sudanese President Omar al-Bashir , a man accused of war crimes and genocide, has left South Africa one step ahead of the law.

 Al-Bashir left the country Monday just as a South African High Court decided to order his arrest.

 The human rights group that had petitioned the court to order al-Bashir's arrest, the Southern Africa Litigation Centre, said in a statement it was disappointed that the government allowed the Sudanese President to leave before the ruling.

 Judge Hans Fabricius had ruled Sunday that al-Bashir had to stay in South Africa while a court considered whether he should be arrested. The judge also ordered all ports in the country to prevent the Sudanese leader from leaving.

 But lawyers arguing in court for al-Bashir's arrest warned, in advance, that the ports of entry and exit were not obeying the judge's order.

 "Being an organisation committed to the rule of law, SALC is encouraged by the Court's order and the independence of the judicial process," said Kaajal Ramjathan-Keogh, the group's director. "The rule of law, however, is only as strong as the government which enforces it. Home Affairs have allowed a fugitive from justice to slip through its fingers, compounding the suffering of the victims of these grave crimes."

 Al-Bashir's departure was confirmed by the South African and Sudanese governments.

 Sudan's state news agency, SUNA, reported that Sudanese Foreign Minister Ibrahim Ghandour would hold a news conference at the airport Monday evening "following return of the President of the Republic."

 It is unclear in light of the judge's order what help al-Bashir might have received, and from whom. His plane had been relocated earlier from Tambo International Airport, near Johannesburg, to Waterkloof military base, south of Pretoria.

 And sometime after that, the alleged war criminal went to the military base and slipped through the net.

 Court proceedings were underway

 His departure came as the North Gauteng High Court in Pretoria was considering a request by the International Criminal Court to arrest him on charges of war crimes, crimes against humanity and genocide.

 The ICC charges against al-Bashir stem from the conflict in the Darfur region in western Sudan, which began in 2003. The government of Sudan has been accused of repression and ethnic cleansing of Darfur's non-Arab population.

 Al-Bashir had been in South Africa attending a two-day summit of African Union leaders.

 Fabricius, the judge, said Sunday that he wanted to determine whether it was legally acceptable for Pretoria to allow al-Bashir to visit South Africa without arresting him -- and key in that decision would be determining if the South African Cabinet's decision not to comply with the ICC demand could trump an international treaty, South Africa's Mail & Guardian newspaper reported

 U.N. official: South Africa must comply with treaty

 JUST WATCHED Report: Sudanese soldiers rape more than 200 women Replay More Videos ... MUST WATCH Report: Sudanese soldiers rape more than 200 women 02:56

 Earlier Monday, when al-Bashir's whereabouts were still unclear, the chairman of South Africa's Portfolio Committee on International Relations and Cooperation, Siphosezwe Masango, said he was concerned about the Sudanese President's possible arrest.

 "This is an opportunistic act only meant to pit African leaders against each other in the name of international law," Masango said in a statement. He urged the leaders gathered for the summit to concentrate instead on regional trade, xenophobia and the development of Africa's infrastructure.

 He said the ICC appeared to target African leaders and, if the trend continued, his committee might have to recommend that the government re-examine South Africa's membership in the international court.

 Obama, Blair etc are mass murderers & got away with it, why should we hold Zuma & his govt accountable for Marikana? #Bashir — Max du Preez (@MaxduPreez) June 15, 2015

 But the U.N.'s high commissioner for human rights, Zeid Ra'ad Al Hussein, warned that member states had to follow ICC rules.

 "It is of deep concern to me and my office when court orders are issued by the ICC in respect of the serving head of state of Sudan, and state parties to the Rome Statute openly flout them," he said Monday at a meeting of the Human Rights Council in Geneva, Switzerland.

 The Rome Statute was a treaty that established the International Criminal Court.

 "In this regard, we await the ruling of the Pretoria High Court this morning, as it assesses the request submitted by the ICC," he said.

 Sidiki Kaba, the Senegalese justice minister who serves as president of the assembly of states parties to the Rome Statute, expressed his "deep concern about the negative consequences for the court in case of nonexecution of the warrants by States Parties and, in this regard, urges them to respect their obligations to cooperate with the Court."

 South Africa had twice before threatened to arrest al-Bashir -- in 2009 before President Jacob Zuma's inauguration and in 2010 before the World Cup, according to the Southern Africa Litigation Centre . He attended neither event, according to news reports.

 Immunity for heads of state on official business doesn't apply to the ICC; SA must #ArrestBashir. #AUSummit http://t.co/zIxdTW1HYm — ISS (@issafrica) June 14, 2015

 Devastation in Darfur

 Arrest warrants from 2009 and 2010 outline the case against al-Bashir and allege that during the Darfur conflict he ordered the military, police and Janjaweed militia to attack three ethnic groups deemed sympathetic to rebel outfits with "the specific intent to destroy in part" those groups.

 As part of that campaign, the warrants say, the Sudanese President ordered the rape, murder and torture of civilians and the razing of villages.

 The United Nations has estimated that as many as 300,000 people have been killed in the Darfur conflict since 2003, a tally the Sudanese government says is inflated. Another 7 million are in need of humanitarian assistance, the U.N. High Commissioner for Refugees estimates ||||| PRETORIA/KHARTOUM, Sudanese President Omar al-Bashir flew out of South Africa on Monday in defiance of a Pretoria court that later said he should have been arrested to face genocide charges at the International Criminal Court.

 Despite a legal order for him to stay in the country ahead of the ruling on his detention, the government let Bashir leave unhindered, with South Africa's ruling party accusing the ICC of being biased against Africans and "no longer useful".

 Bashir has been indicted by the ICC over war crimes and crimes against humanity but South Africa gave him immunity along with all delegates attending an African Union summit in Johannesburg this week.

 As an ICC signatory, South Africa was obliged to implement arrest warrants. The decision to let Bashir leave represented an affirmation of shifting diplomatic priorities for the government, with African interests trumping those of the West.

 It also represented a blow for the Hague-based ICC, which has convicted just two minor African warlords since it started work in 2002 and has struggled to create accountability for those who are too powerful to be tried at home.

 The veteran Sudanese leader flew out of the Waterkloof Air Base at around 1000 GMT, headed for Sudan's capital, Khartoum.

 Hours later, judge Dunstan Mlambo found in favor of an application by a rights group calling for him to be detained, saying the failure to arrest him contravened the constitution.

 "The respondents are forthwith compelled to take all reasonable steps to arrest President Bashir," Mlambo said.

 Government lawyer William Mokhari said the home affairs department would be investigating Bashir's departure.

 Bashir arrived in Khartoum to throngs of well-wishers and government officials inside the airport.

 Wearing traditional white robes, Bashir waved his trademark cane greeting the cheering crowd in an open-topped vehicle. Waving the Sudanese flag, the crowd chanted God is Great and some carried pictures of Bashir with the banner 'Lion of Africa'.

 Sudan's foreign minister Ibrahim Ghandour said Africa's enemies were behind the failed bid.

 "The participation could have been normal and without a fuss, but Africa's enemies, Sudan's enemies and the enemies of peace-loving countries wanted to try and turn it into a drama, to prevent the president from important participations," Ghandour said.

 Ghandour said the South African government had assured Sudan that Bashir's participation at the summit was a source of pride and that President Jacob Zuma had blamed opposition parties trying to embarrass Pretoria.

 "This is a case of state sovereignty. Here we have a president elected and supported by his people. I don't have to point to the elections as I can simply point to this scene right here," he said referring to the boisterous crowd.

 Bashir was re-elected in April in a vote boycotted by most of the opposition, thereby extending his quarter-century rule.

 "LONG GAME"

 The ruling provided fresh ammunition for Zuma's critics, who accused him of ignoring his own judiciary. The presidency and foreign ministry did not respond to requests for comment.

 "It is completely unacceptable. The South African government has been complicit in assuring Mr Bashir is able to flee the country," Democratic Alliance Chief Whip John Steenhuisen told Reuters, calling for "heads to roll".

 "Our international reputation lies in tatters," he added.

 The ICC issued arrest warrants for Bashir in 2009 and 2010, accusing him of masterminding genocide and other atrocities in his campaign to crush a revolt in the Darfur region - a conflict that killed as many as 300,000 people, the United Nations says.

 He has long rejected the court's authority, but the warrants have curtailed his ability to travel freely. Monday's ruling means that he will not be able to come back to South Africa.

 ICC deputy prosecutor James Stewart said he was disappointed Bashir had managed to escape, but told Reuters he did not see it as a setback for the court, which was playing "a long game".

 "I think that what happened over the past couple of days and in particular today, demonstrates that an ICC warrant of arrest actually means something and clearly the court in South Africa took that view," he said.

 The U.S. State Department said it was disappointed South Africa did not prevent Bashir from leaving Johannesburg.

 Spokesman Jeff Rathke declined to say South Africa should have arrested Bashir but said "clearly, some action should have been taken".

 The ICC and the U.N. criticized Pretoria for rolling out the red carpet for Bashir.

 "The International Criminal Court’s warrant for the arrest of President al-Bashir on charges of crimes against humanity and war crimes is a matter I take extremely seriously," U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon told reporters in Geneva.

 "The authority of the ICC must be respected and its decision implemented," Ban said.

 (Additional reporting by Peroshni Govender in Johannesburg, Tom Miles in Geneva, Yara Bayoumy, Ahmed Aboulenein and Omar Fahmy in Cairo and Anthony Deutsch in Amsterdam; Writing by Joe Brock; Editing by Crispian Balmer and Giles Elgood) ||||| Play Facebook

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 It ain't over until it's over.

 Sudan's President Omar al-Bashir — wanted on charges of genocide and crimes against humanity — appears to have dodged a legal bullet and again avoided facing trial before the International Criminal Court (ICC).

 Bashir has evaded arrest for years and was facing the toughest challenge to his freedom yet in South Africa, where he was attending an African Union summit when a judge barred him from leaving the country pending a hearing on whether to hand him over to the ICC.

 Before the hearing was over, Sudan's State Minister for Information Yasser Youssef told Reuters that Bashir had flown home and was expected to land in the Sudanese capital Khartoum at about 6:30 pm local time (11:30 a.m.).

 The news capped a series of conflicting reports on Bashir's whereabouts at the court hearing. At one point, the South African government said "to the best of our knowledge" the Sudanese leader was still in the country.

 The legal wrangling was the latest in a long-running saga whereby Bashir's indictment — the only genocide charges against a sitting head of state — has become a test for the ICC and rallying cry against it from several African nations.

 The international court issued one arrest warrant against Bashir in 2009 and another in 2010 for genocide, crimes against humanity and war crimes over atrocities in Darfur.

 Bashir has danced around the arrest warrants for years, skipping visits to countries where he might face immediate arrest while visiting friendlier countries at will.

 The visit to South Africa — like Bashir's recent travel — drew condemnation from ICC member states and non-members such as the U.S. even before the judge blocked his departure.

 The U.S. said it was "deeply concerned" over Bashir's travel to South Africa for the summit, and the ICC urged South Africa to "spare no effort in ensuring the execution of the arrest warrants."

 Many African nations have been loathe to endorse the court amid the perception it disproportionately targets African leaders for indictment.

 South Africa's African National Congress — the party of President Jacob Zuma — urged the government to challenge the judge's move to detain Bashir, saying the ICC is "no longer useful."

 Most of Bashir's travel has been to non-ICC member states, however some members have allowed him to visit without facing arrest.

 In 2013, ICC-member Nigeria drew fire for failing to arrest Bashir when he visited the country for a conference.

 Bashir — who seized power in a bloodless 1989 military coup — was re-elected in April, though the U.S. said it didn't consider the vote's outcome to be a "credible expression of the will of the Sudanese people."

 "The restrictions on political rights and freedoms, the lack of a credible national dialogue, and the continuation of armed conflict in Sudan’s periphery are among the reasons for the reported low participation and the very low voter turnout," the State Department said at the time.

 More than 300,000 people have died in the Darfur conflict dating back to 2003, according to United Nations figures. Around 2 million have been displaced.

Summary: – For six years and counting, Omar al-Bashir has evaded arrest and a trial at the International Criminal Court on genocide and crimes against humanity charges stemming from the Darfur conflict, and it appears he may have slipped through the cracks again—this time in South Africa. The Sudanese leader was visiting for a two-day African Union summit, and a South Africa High Court judge yesterday ordered al-Bashir to stay in the country while the court decided whether he should be arrested and handed over to the ICC, notes CNN; the judge also ordered all ports of exit and entry to stop al-Bashir from leaving. But before the hearing on his arrest could be completed, al-Bashir's private jet reportedly departed a Pretoria military airport, per the New York Times, and Sudan's minister of information told Reuters that his boss would arrive back in Khartoum at around 6:30pm local time. This apparent escape is just the latest in the ICC's frustrating attempt to get someone, anyone, to turn al-Bashir over. Since the first indictment against him in 2009, the Sudanese president has "danced around the arrest warrants," per NBC News, traveling to countries where he doesn't fear arrest and avoiding all others. When the ICC got wind he'd be heading to South Africa, it put out a statement imploring South Africa to "spare no effort in ensuring the execution of the arrest warrants." UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon reminded ICC member countries today that, as members, they have an obligation to carry out those warrants. But, as NBC notes, many African nations haven't been willing to go the extra mile for the ICC because they feel Africa has been unfairly targeted by the court at The Hague. Sudan's state news agency says there will be a press conference after al-Bashir returns, per CNN.


Newly-released search warrants show that investigators believe a family of five in Springville died of poisoning last month.

 SPRINGVILLE — Investigators believe a family of five in Springville died last month of poisoning.

 Police suspected the family's deaths were "not accidental or natural in any way" from the day they were found in their Springville home, 954 E. 900 South, according newly-released search warrants filed in 4th District Court as part of a homicide investigation.

 Benjamin Strack, 37, his wife Kristi Strack, 36, and three of their children, Benson, 14, Emery, 12, and Zion, 11, were discovered dead behind the locked door of the parents' master bedroom on Sept. 27. At the time, Springville police told the media they had no answers as to how the family died, saying there was no signs of carbon monoxide in the home, no trauma suffered and no obvious signs.

 What they didn't say then is that detectives immediately suspected the family ingested poison and that at least one family member seemed to have suspected what happened.

 "The detectives on scene determined the cause to be an accidental or intentional poisoning either by ingestion or environmental causes," detective Raymond Flores wrote in an affidavit.

 The parents' bodies were found in the bed, while the three children were lying "around the bed," covered up to their necks with bedding, according to the affidavits. All five had cups of red liquid near their bodies.

 "Furthermore, with the placement of the bodies, it would appear somebody had to position the bodies after they were deceased," detective Jeffery Ellsworth wrote. Family members told investigators the children had their own bedrooms and it was unusual for all of them to be together in their parents' bedroom.

 A trash bag at the home was found with 10 opened and empty boxes of a nighttime cold and flu medication and nine empty blister packs for cold and flu medication, according to the warrants. The bag also contained two empty boxes for allergy relief medication.

 Police also removed a bag of marijuana, cellphones, a laptop, wallets, a towel with a red substance on it, a pitcher of red juice, pill bottles and medications from the Strack house. Empty bottles of liquid Methadone were also found.

 The family was found by Kristi Strack's 18-year-old son, Janson McGee, and his girlfriend, who had contacted Kristi Strack's mother, Valerie Sudweeks, and her friend, to help them enter the locked bedroom.

 According to the warrants, McGee's girlfriend, who also lived at the home, spoke with Kristi Strack at 6 a.m. that Saturday, and then went back to bed. McGee and his girlfriend woke up around noon and, finding the house quiet, went to a friend's home believing the family had left.

 When they returned about 7 p.m., they found the home quiet although all the family cars were still at the house. Knocks and calls to the master bedroom door went unanswered.

 When firefighters arrived, they warned Sudweeks there may be a carbon monoxide leak in the home.

 "Valerie replied, stating there was no carbon monoxide leak, and that she knew her family. Valerie also said she couldn't believe 'she' would do this to the kids," one of the affidavits states. "Officers tried to clarify Valerie's statement, but she only assured them it wasn't a carbon monoxide leak."

 Officers had to physically remove the mother and grandmother because of her emotional state.

 Neither Springville police nor family members responded to calls for comment Wednesday. However, a man named Jake Strack posted a message on the Strack family's memorial Facebook page offering an exclusive interview for media willing to donate to the family's Go Fund Me account. Professional journalism ethics preclude reporters from paying for interviews.

 At a vigil prior to the family's funeral earlier this month, friends and neighbors recalled the easy, sincere friendships they shared with the Stracks, whom they described as loving and kind.

 Isaac Strack, Benjamin's older brother, asked the crowd at the event to be patient as they waited for answers surrounding the deaths. Toxicology tests have yet to be completed.

 "We understand that there is healing that comes with those answers," Isaac Strack said at the time. "We're confident those answers will come. We all have to be patient and wait until those answers come, and even when they do come, we won't know everything."

 Email: mromero@deseretnews.com, Twitter: McKenzieRomero; DNewsCrimeTeam ||||| A red liquid substance was coming from Kristi Strack's mouth, police wrote.

 Officers found in a trash bag a number of empty containers for medications, including 10 empty boxes of nighttime cold and flu medicine and two empty boxes of "generic benadryl." Police also found empty bottles of liquid methadone, "dispensed from a drug treatment clinic," officers wrote. Some of the empty bottles were labeled with future dates.

 Police also found pill bottles, a pitcher of red juice, a purple bucket of yellow liquid, a towel with a red substance on it, empty sleep aid boxes and a baggie of marijuana.

 The Stracks' lone surviving son, who had been out of the house, and his grandmother happened upon the motionless bodies the evening of Sept. 27. The master bedroom door was locked, so the grandmother had to force it open.

 Kristi Strack's mother had to be physically removed from the home "due to her emotional state," officers wrote. When officers told her carbon monoxide may have been leaking into the home, the mother said "there was no carbon monoxide leak, and that she knew her family," police wrote. "[The mother] also said she couldn't believe 'she' would do this to the kids. Officers tried to clarify [the grandmother's] statement, but she only assured them it wasn't a carbon monoxide leak."

 A test of the air in the home by firefighters did not find any carbon monoxide.

 Springville Police Lt. Dave Caron on Thursday said he is declining to comment until the medical examiner's report is finished at the end of November.

 "To comment or speculate on the cause or manner of death prior to the results of those autopsies would be unprofessional," according to a Thursday news release from the department. "And minus those reports we have no updates to give on the case or the investigation itself."

 Benjamin and Kristi Strack, 37 and 36, respectively, pleaded guilty in 2008 to charges of forgery, theft, identity fraud and unlawful possession of credit cards. Benjamin Strack also pleaded guilty to drug paraphernalia charges.

 No other serious criminal history appears in the Utah court record.

 — Reporter Michael McFall contributed to this story.

Summary: – Police believe the deaths of five members of a Utah family last month were "not accidental or natural in any way," according to newly released documents. Benjamin and Kristi Strack, their sons Benson, 14, and Zion, 11, and their 12-year-old daughter Emery were found dead in their Springville home on Sept. 27, and police suspect they were poisoned, the Salt Lake Tribune reports. A search warrant states that all five were found dead in the home's master bedroom with cups of red liquid near their bodies; Kristi Strack had red liquid coming from her mouth. The adults were in the bed, the children were lying around it with bedding covering all but their heads, and "it would appear somebody had to position the bodies after they were deceased," officers wrote. The horrific scene was found by Kristi Strack's mother and 18-year-old son, who called his grandmother after finding the bedroom locked. When firefighters warned the mother that there could be a carbon monoxide leak, she replied "there was no carbon monoxide leak, and that she knew her family," saying she "couldn't believe 'she' would do this to the kids," warrants state; though officers pressed her, she didn't elaborate. In a trash bag, officers found nearly 20 empty boxes and blister packs of cold and flu medication. A bag of marijuana, pill bottles, a pitcher of red juice, and empty bottles of liquid methadone from a drug treatment clinic were also found in the home, reports the Deseret News. At a vigil earlier this month, Benjamin's brother said they were still waiting on toxicology results, but noted that even when the "answers come ... we won't know everything." Click for more on the case.


Humblebragging is irritating; this, you know. But the truth about that special, noxious blend of whining and boasting is that it also doesn’t even appear to work the way that humblebraggarts think it does, in that it doesn’t successfully get the intended message across, according to a new working paper from a team of Harvard Business School researchers. Sometimes, you’re better off just regular-bragging.

 The researchers, Ovul Sezer, Francesca Gino, and Michael I. Norton, tested people’s perception of humblebragging across five separate experiments. In one, they asked 302 people to imagine the person who said one of three statements: a complaint (“I am so bored”), a brag (“People mistake me for a model”), or a humblebrag (“I am so bored of people mistaking me for a model”). They were then asked to rate how much they liked this person, judging from this one statement, and how sincere the person seemed.

 Overall, the study participants liked the complainers the best, and then the braggers; in last place, perhaps not surprisingly, were the humblebraggers. The participants also rated the complainers as most sincere and the humblebraggers as least sincere, which gets at one reason humblebragging is so obnoxious: It comes off as inauthentic.

 In another experiment, the researchers showed that humblebragging isn’t an effective way to get your point across when compared to straightforward bragging. To test this, they had 201 people either read a brag (“I get hit on all the time”) or a humblebrag (“Just rolled out of bed and still get hit on all the time, so annoying.”); each group was asked to rate how attractive they’d guess the person behind the statement was. The findings showed that people consistently rated humblebraggers as less attractive than the braggers — 4.34 out of 7 for the humblebraggers, as compared to 4.91 for the braggers (a significant difference, though admittedly not a huge one).

 Humblebragging, then, the researchers conclude, a self-promotion strategy you're better off avoiding. “Faced with the choice to (honestly) brag or (deceptively) humblebrag,” they write, “would-be self-promoters should choose the former — and at least reap the rewards of seeming sincere.” ||||| Working Paper | HBS Working Paper Series | 2017 Humblebragging: A Distinct—and Ineffective—Self-Presentation Strategy by Ovul Sezer, Francesca Gino and Michael I. Norton

 Abstract

 Self-presentation is a fundamental aspect of social life, with myriad critical outcomes dependent on others’ impressions. We identify and offer the first empirical investigation of a prevalent, yet understudied self-presentation strategy: humblebragging. Across seven studies including a week-long diary study and a field experiment, we identify humblebragging—bragging masked by a complaint or humility—as a common, conceptually distinct, and ineffective form of self-presentation. We first document the ubiquity of humblebragging across several domains, from everyday life to social media. We then show that both forms of humblebragging—complaint-based or humility-based—are less effective than straightforward bragging, as they reduce liking, perceived competence, and compliance with requests. Despite being more common, complaint-based humblebrags are less effective than humility-based humblebrags and are even less effective than simply complaining. We show that people choose to deploy humblebrags particularly when motivated both to elicit sympathy and impress others. Despite the belief that combining bragging with complaining or humility confers the benefits of each strategy, we find that humblebragging confers the benefits of neither, instead backfiring because it is seen as insincere.

 Keywords: Humblebragging; impression management; sincerity; liking; competence; interpersonal perception; Self-presentation; Perception; Marketing; Trust; Personal Development and Career;

 Language: English Format: Print 79 pages SSRN Read Now

Summary: – Masking a brag with false modesty—known as a "humblebrag" in today's parlance—may seem like an effective way to boast about your achievements without seeming like, well, an egotistical jerk. But a working paper from Harvard Business School researchers finds exactly the opposite, noting that people may be better off simply bragging and self-promoting without shame than adopting a veneer of faux humility, the Science of Us reports. Even complainers fared better than humblebraggers in the study because they were viewed as more "sincere." The researchers conducted five separate experiments to test how people perceived humblebragging. In one of the experiments, 300 or so people were asked to rate hypothetical people who made the following three statements: "I am so bored" (complaint), "People mistake me for a model" (explicit brag), and the everyone-wishes-they-had this-problem remark of "I am so bored of people mistaking me for a model" (humblebrag). Not only did the participants rate the complainers as the most authentic (braggers came in second), but they also imagined the humblebraggers to be less attractive than the braggarts. "Despite people's belief that combining bragging and complaining confers the benefits of both self-promotion strategies, humblebragging fails to pay off," the researchers conclude. (One writer thinks celebrities are the worst humblebraggers.)


J. Vespa/WireImage.com

 A man can only take so much. Particularly when that man is Charlie Sheen's publicist.

 Stan Rosenfield, the ever put-upon flack responsible for gifting the world with such well-intentioned if wholly unbelieved doozies as blaming Sheen's hooker-assisted hospitalization on "an allergic reaction to some medication," calling his rehab a "preventative measure" and otherwise assuring the public that Chuck Sheen is always A-OK has resigned.

 Guess the Sheen-anigans finally got to him. So, did he go out in a blaze of glory? Spill all of Charlie's dirty secrets? (Or whatever's left of them?)

 VIDEO: Charlie's issued a new list of demands for Two and a Half Men's Chuck Lorre. Hear them now!

 Nah, he's too much of a pro for that.

 "I have worked with Charlie Sheen for a long time and I care about him very much," Rosenfield announced today (and not long after Sheen blasted the PR man for making excuses for his behavior—aka doing his job).

 "However, at this time, I'm unable to work effectively as his publicist and have respectfully resigned."

 Our only question for Stan now: what took you so long?

 Incidentally, Rosenfield was working with Sheen right up until the bitter end, this morning issuing a pair of denials about his now-former client.

 "Somebody I've never heard of by the name of Ian Fortey has sent out an email under my company's name that Charlie Sheen has retired," he told E! News. "THAT IS A HOAX.

 "It was reported by X17 that Charlie Sheen is in rehab. This is NOT true."

 This, however, is.

 VIDEO: Watch the interview that sent Stan over the edge! ||||| 'Two and a Half Men' Creator Chuck Lorre: 'I Am So Outta Here!'

 Email This Chuck Lorre, creator and executive producer of 'Two and a Half Men,' posted a "vanity card" after last night's episode of 'Mike & Molly', one of the other shows he helms, that answered his thoughts on the recent

 According to

 He continues, "I believe that consciousness creates the illusion of individuation, the false feeling of being separate. In other words, I am aware, ergo I am alone. I further believe that this existential misunderstanding is the prime motivating force for the neurotic compulsion to blot out consciousness. This explains the paradox of our culture, which celebrates the ego while simultaneously promoting its evisceration with drugs and alcohol." Chuck Lorre, creator and executive producer of 'Two and a Half Men,' posted a "vanity card" after last night's episode of 'Mike & Molly', one of the other shows he helms, that answered his thoughts on the recent Charlie Sheen debacle and the possible future of 'Two and a Half Men.'According to EW , on the card Lorre says, "I understand that I'm under a lot of pressure to respond to certain statements made about me recently. The following are my uncensored thoughts. I hope this will put an end to any further speculation."He continues, "I believe that consciousness creates the illusion of individuation, the false feeling of being separate. In other words, I am aware, ergo I am alone. I further believe that this existential misunderstanding is the prime motivating force for the neurotic compulsion to blot out consciousness. This explains the paradox of our culture, which celebrates the ego while simultaneously promoting its evisceration with drugs and alcohol."

 He goes on, "It also clarifies our deep-seated fear of monolithic, one-minded systems like communism, religious fundamentalism, zombies and invaders from Mars. Each one is a dark echo of an oceanic state of unifying transcendence from which consciousness must, by nature, flee. The Fall from Grace is, in fact, a Sprint from Grace. Or perhaps more accurately, 'Screw Grace, I am so outta here!'Questions?"It looks like Lorre is done with the show and could possibly be packing it in. TMZ also notes Lorre's statement is long and rambling, possibly mocking Sheen's recent statements Lorre's vanity cards came into play two weeks ago when he finally broke his silence regarding the trouble caused by Sheen being in the news for all the wrong reasons.The card talked about how Lorre lead a healthy lifestyle and finally said, "If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I'm gonna be really pissed." ||||| Tomsfeet Productions

 Tomsfeet Productions

 "It was epic," he told GMA correspondent Andrea Canning. "The run I was on made [Frank] Sinatra, [Errol] Flynn, [Mick] Jagger, [Keith] Richards -- all of them -- look like droopy-eyed, armless children."Those comments probably won't cause Mick Jagger or Keith Richards to lose much sleep, but they definitely offend San Diego-based motivational speaker Tom Willis. That's because they hit him right where it hurts. You see, Willis was born without any arms, just a small left hand with two fingers that aren't very strong.But that hasn't stopped him from a successful life, first as a producer of educational films and currently as a motivational speaker who has made it his goal to throw out the first ball at every Major League Baseball stadium -- with his feet. Over the years, Willis has tried to change people's hearts and minds about disabled Americans, but he says Sheen's shunning of the disabled shows how little has changed -- and how much work he has to do."Sheen's comments -- the way he said them so matter-of-factly -- made me feel like he might say it any day of the week, that this was normal for him. I had to back up my DVR over and over again because I couldn't believe he said it. Then I had to transcribe it and send it to others."One of the people he sent it to was the mother of an 8-year-old girl with no arms."I had to send it to her so that she would know what her daughter will experience as she grows up," Willis said.Willis has every right to get mad, but hopes he can instead turn the situation into a "teachable moment.""[The comments] reinforce why I do my speeches," he told AOL News. "When you see a person without limbs, it doesn't mean you can't do anything."Willis is the perfect example to prove his own point. When he speaks to groups, he comes onstage throwing Frisbees and balls with his feet. In fact, he can throw a baseball forcefully at least 60 feet, 6 inches, the distance from the pitcher's mound to home plate, something that should impress Sheen, who has appeared in baseball-themed movies like "Eight Men Out" and "Major League."However, Willis is not impressed with Sheen, or the context in which he used the term "armless children.""He compares himself to iconic figures and calls them 'armless children' because he's better at sex and drugs?'" Willis asked rhetorically. "I don't know what to say to a person like this. It was strange that this was the one reference that was an insult. He didn't put anyone else down."It isn't the words that offend me -- there are armless children -- but it's the way he presented it, as if it's the worst thing in the world."Willis realizes there is a long line of people ahead of him waiting for a Charlie Sheen apology."I wouldn't expect anything, because he has his own issues. But I wish him well," Willis said. "I hope he can find his own peace and happiness. Maybe even with a porn star."On the other hand, he hopes that raising attention to the offensiveness of Sheen's comments can also help others realize that he's wrong in at least one respect."Christopher Reeve showed that in one snap of the finger your life can change," Willis said. "However, he also showed that a disability is not the end of the world." ||||| Is John Stamos Replacing Charlie Sheen on 'Two and a Half Men'?

 Email This Last week,

 According to

 "They were at the bar talking, and Les asked John if he'd be interested in replacing Charlie," a source told E! "It wouldn't be to play Charlie's character, but they talked more about introducing a new character."

 On Friday, though, Stamos Last week, John Stamos shot down rumors that he was in talks to replace Charlie Sheen on 'Two and a Half Men.' But those rumors have rekindled, and there might be some more truth to them this time.According to E! Online , CBS chief Les Moonves chatted with Stamos on Saturday about possibly joining the network's hit sitcom."They were at the bar talking, and Les asked John if he'd be interested in replacing Charlie," a source told E! "It wouldn't be to play Charlie's character, but they talked more about introducing a new character."On Friday, though, Stamos tweeted , "Contrary to the rumors, I am not replacing Charlie Sheen on 'Two and a Half Men.' However, Martin Sheen has asked me to be his son."

 Sheen responded to rumors that the studio was angling to bring in Stamos as a replacement for him."If they do that then they deserve their failures and the follies," he told TMZ Stamos has been sorely underused in his 'Glee' guest spot as the dentist husband of guidance counselor Emma, so maybe there's something to this rumor. E! reports that Stamos' conversation with Moonves lasted about 15 minutes, but more formal talks haven't taken place.See more at TV Squad ||||| Five days ago, we closed a profile built around an interview with Charlie Sheen that will appear in the April issue of GQ. Since then, Sheen has continued doing what the article describes—texting and emailing the media (on Friday, he sent images of his new "Death from Above" tattoo to Entertainment Tonight) and calling in live to radio shows.

 But Sheen also did something new: lobbed insults at his employers, specifically Chuck Lorre, the co-creator of Two and a Half Men, the top-rated sitcom on which Sheen stars. In a choice of words many saw as anti-Semitic, the actor referred to Lorre, who was born Charles Levine, as "Chaim Levine"—a name that Lorre himself has sometimes used. Sheen also called his hit show a "puke fest that everybody worships" and called the bosses who'd urged him to clean up his act "AA Nazis" and "blatant hypocrites." Sheen's spewing of vitriol appears to have pushed CBS and Warner Bros. Television to act. In a joint statement, the two companies suspended production of Two and a Half Men for the season, leaving at least 200 people out of work and canceling four planned episodes.

 While there has been no word yet about whether the show will be canceled for good, Sheen himself has been voluble—if contradictory—on the topic. One minute, the 45- year-old actor has said he plans to show up to work even though the show's sets are shut down ("I'm going back to work," he texted Good Morning America from an island in the Bahamas, where he was vacationing with three women—a model, one of his ex-wives, and a porn star—on Thursday). The next minute, he has said that he can't imagine working with the "turds" who run the show ever again. "Can you imagine going back... with those knuckleheads?" he told Pat O'Brien later that same day. "It would go bad quickly... We're pretty much done." Whatever his plan, Sheen seems determined to engage his corporate overlords in full-scale combat. On Friday, in a Fox Sports Radio interview with Pat O'Brien, he suggested CBS and Warners were in "absolute breach" and appeared to be gearing up for a legal battle. "We are at war," he said. "It's about to get really gnarly."

 So wacky and self-destructive have Sheen's comments been that it's hard to imagine he's telling the truth when he repeatedly says that he has cured his addiction "with my mind," leaving him "100 percent clean" of drugs and alcohol (though on Saturday, RadarOnline.com posted results–and photos—of a preliminary urine test the site said it had conducted in his home; Sheen passed). On Alex Jones' show, for example, he interspersed his zingers about Lorre with references to trolls, F-18 fighter pilots and Vatican assassins. He reportedly texted RadarOnline.com that he was in talks with HBO about a new show—Sheen's Corner—that would pay him $5 million an episode (an assertion promptly denied by HBO, which like Warner Bros. Television, is owned by Time Warner). On Saturday came another grandiose claim: Sheen reportedly told TMZ.com that he's writing a tell-all book to be titled When the Laughter Stopped. He wants the bidding for the publication rights to start at $10 million.

 So what's driving Sheen? One answer is Apocalypse Now, the 1979 war epic that starred his father, Martin Sheen. As he told GQ, the movie—whose set he visited as a child—is nearly always in his thoughts (an assertion he only amplified with that new tattoo, which quotes the death card that Robert Duvall's character, Kilgore, throws on his victims in the film). "I'm not just my dad," Sheen said this week in one radio rant. "I'm putting up the river to kill another part of me, which is Kurtz. I'm every character in between, save for that little weirdo with his guts strapped in, begging for water. That's not me. But there are parts of me that are Dennis Hopper."

 Sean Penn, the actor who grew up making Super 8 movies with Sheen, told GQ that he's always seen his friend as something of a performance artist, raising the odd possibility that Sheen's behavior is his own weird form of agitprop. Is the man who started life as Carlos Irwin Estevez mocking the Hollywood celebrity meltdown by staging the Mother of All Meltdowns? Is he bi-polar? Or is he just an addict who's circling the drain? What follows is the full story on how Sheen became Sheen.

 · · ·

 People are always asking Charlie Sheen, "What are you thinking?" The drugs, the drink, the porn stars, the alleged violence, the trashed hotel rooms... why?

 "Here's a peek into my insanity," he tells me one afternoon in February. "People say, 'What are you thinking?' and here's the truth. It's generally a quote from Apocalypse Now or Jaws."

 It's Sheen's fourteenth day of sobriety (this time around), and he's calling from a baseball diamond on the west side of Los Angeles. Batting practice is like therapy for the former star athlete, people who know him say, and he's spent the past few hours hitting balls with his friend Tony Todd, whom he met in Little League when they were 8 years old. This has been "the best day ever," says Sheen, 45. His voice is relaxed and fluid. He sounds like he's on the mend. But when I say as much, he's quick to correct me.

 "We're past 'on the mend,' " he says. "We're not dealing with normal DNA here, you know what I'm saying? All those other sissies and amateurs, they can take their fucking time." But not Charlie Sheen, the star of CBS's Two and a Half Men, the top-rated comedy on television. He needs to get back to the set. "I heal as fast as I unravel. It's a blessing and a curse. I feel I have to. There's families out of jobs. There's work to do."

 As we talk, he addresses his latest binge only obliquely at first. "In regards to this whole recent odyssey, I'll just say this: It was epic," he says. "There are two rules at my house right now: You park your judgment at the door, and you enjoy every moment. People can interpret that however they want. Enjoy every sober moment. Enjoy every loaded moment. Just enjoy every moment. It's not a rehearsal, you know?" ||||| >> new interview with charlie sheen . jeff rossen is in los angeles with details. jeff, what are we going to get this morning?

 >> reporter: oh, a lot more. charlie sheen called us and said, come back to the house. i have more to say. we went and got a glimpse into his life behind closed doors , including a rare interview with the new women in his life, women helping to raise his children every day. charlie calls them his goddesses.

 >> how long have we owned this?

 >> reporter: it's charlie sheen 's version of domestic bliss at home with the new loves of his life. one, a self-described porn star he calls rach, the other a modelle he calls natty.

 >> we run errands, eat, play with the kids.

 >> we have fun.

 >> we watch movies. i watch a lot of "two and a half me men".

 >> do you love his kids?

 >> are you kidding?

 >> i wish i was with them now. i didn't want to put them down. bob was like, they're calling you. he's saying bye!

 >> if you say dad's busy he says, okay, dada busy. he knows. he's fine with it.

 >> is this normal?

 >> aside from the days we sit around with the gold pom-pons and everything.

 >> don't run with that.

 >> i'm joking.

 >> charlie said you can put him in his place. when he's wrong you put him in his place --

 >> i don't --

 >> let her answer.

 >> i don't generally have to. i respect charlie as a man and as head of the household and trust him completely. if there is something i think is a bad idea i might say, hey, babe, let's think about it this way and, you know, it works. the system works for us.

 >> reporter: the goddesses now live with charlie , almost always around at his los angeles mansion.

 >> it's a good day at the silver valley lodge --

 >> reporter: his nickname for in-home rehab. we took him outside for a candid conversation about his history with women . what do these women do for you other women haven't?

 >> these women don'tle jud judge me, lead with opinions, lead with their own needs all the time. they are honest to say, park your nonsense. help me solve this and we solve it. what i tell them is don't live in the middle. get away from your ego and emotions. therein lies the solution.

 >> reporter: are these women allowed to say, charlie , you're being a jerk. can they talk back?

 >> oh, yeah. those are the best jokes of the day. we have an open dialogue.

 >> reporter: do they put you in your place ?

 >> everybody's vote has equal importance. when we are approaching crisis, i remind them, look, i'm 22 years further down the road. trust me. most of the time -- well in the last few days, all the time my plan is the best. everybody will win and everybody's needs will be taken care of.

 >> reporter: including, he says, his young children. charlie 's twin boys spend a lot of time at his house. there are nannies but charlie 's angels play a role, too.

 >> reporter: are the goddesses with your kids?

 >> if i'm not there, everybody helps out. i don't know. there's nothing broken here.

 >> reporter: some would say everything is broken.

 >> wait. i'm still in pain.

 >> hang in there.

 >> reporter: his hit sit-com "two and a half men" has been shut down for the rest of the season based, according to cbs and warner brothers on sheen's statement, conduct and condition. your lawyers wrote a letter to warner brothers saying you want to be paid for eight episodes.

 >> of course.

 >> reporter: why?

 >> that's what i agreed to do.

 >> reporter: you want to move forward?

 >> god yeah. there is work to do, shows to be delivers. the clock is ticking.

 >> reporter: warner brothers agreed to pay the crew for four episodes.

 >> that's a start. i want eight. i will worry about the cast and myself last.

 >> reporter: you think because of the pressure you're applying they are getting paid?

 >> well, yeah. who else is applying pressure? jon cryer ? no. just sitting around.

 >> reporter: warner brothers denies sheen's pressure had anything to do with paying the crew. sheen's publicist quit after years on the job saying he's unable to work effectively as his publicist. what happened?

 >> i don't know. maybe he felt he wasn't respected. again, i'm just guessing. there is something epic about that that it got so gnarly that stan said, okay, i'm out. that's how i roll. bye-bye. there's the door. same one you came in.

 >> reporter: in the first interview that aired monday, charlie promised he's clean now.

 >> look at me, duh. drug tests don't lie.

 >> reporter: when was the last time you did drugs?

 >> i don't know. i don't care.

 >> reporter: in the new interview he brought the proof. these are results of the drug test you just took.

 >> the word negative is printed like 18 trillion times.

 >> reporter: his family isn't convinced. in a rare interview his father martin spoke about it.

 >> he's an extraordinary man. if he had cancer, how would we treat him? the disease of addiction is a form of cancer. you have to have an equal measure of concern and love and lift them up. so that's what we do for him.

 >> reporter: has your father or brothers came to you and said, time to get back on track?

 >> i said, i'm not ready. i'm not interested in your rhetoric now. i appreciate your love and compassion if that's what you call it. but i'm 45 years old. i'm not interested in people treating me like a 12-year-old.

 >> reporter: even your own father?

 >> yeah. my own dad. come on captain bullard, greatest film ever made. he's entitled. but i have evolved beyond it.

 >> reporter: devolving some say into a dangerous spiral for our viewers who saw this monday morning. duh, winning. tiger blood. adonis dna. i'm tired of pretending i'm not a total rock star from mars. he's saying war lock, tiger's blood. what do you say when you see it?

 >> i'm entertained as hell. i'm laughing with my goddesses, with my friends. everyone's like, did they expect a normal, conventional, boring interview? no, man. we're shaking the tree. we're shaking all the trees.

 >> reporter: someone asked me is he delusional, crazy, a nars cyst, a nice guy , how would you describe yourself?

 >> i am grandiose because i live a grandiose life. i'm tired of being aw shucks. that's not me. b.s., that is me. thanks for recognizing it. i support it. what's wrong with that? for years there were actors i thought were so arrogant. i look back and go, wow, they were just uber confident. they were just projecting the image they believed to be true. now i get it.

 >> reporter: what do you want to say to the fans? there are a lot of fans worried about you.

 >> don't be worried. celebrate this movement. i love and i'm so grateful that you have supported me and the show for so long. i will not let you down. trust me.

 >> reporter: charlie sheen didn't hold back at all. as soon as the interview aired on "today" people started tweeting me. charlie seems manic, i'm sad for his kids. wow, i couldn't sit there like you did. i'd have to pop that ego of his.

 >> wow. i don't come from a place of ego.

 >> reporter: somebody said, what did charlie smell like? he sounds like he smokes a carton a day.

 >> whatever.

 >> reporter: does that hurt you?

 >> no. it's sad for them. get a job. charlie seems manic, i'm sad for his kids. i'm sad you have time to write about this and you may not ever have kids because you're obviously -- i don't want to get into it. one woman wrote, i agree with him.

 >> well, she's awake. the others -- [ snoring ]

 >> reporter: charlie says he's happy and feeling better than ever.

 >> that's nice.

 >> reporter: playing basketball with friends, working out and spending more time with the goddesses.

 >> our life is awesome.

 >> reporter: confident all the free time is temporary saying he'll return to the show soon as the star. do you support charlie and his master plan to go back to work? do you agree with everything he's done?

 >> completely. i'm behind charlie 100% in whatever he would like to do.

 >> i told charlie i'm on the bus. i don't care where the bus is going. that's how we live. what do you want to do today? done. let's do it.

 >> i keep pressing the truth. that will flush everybody into the light and we'll have a dialogue and fix it. it's going to be good. everybody's going to win. because they followed guess who's plan. mine.

 >> reporter: for the second straight day we called cbs for reaction. they had no comment. today would have been the first day back at work for the crew of "two and a half men" on the warner brothers lot just a couple of blocks from here. instead they are home waiti iing see what happens like charlie sheen . i spent a lot of time with him. no question he's not normal, but he likes it that way. the question is what's next. he assured me drugs and alcohol are out of his life for now and for good but addiction experts say it's not that easy to go cold turkey , matt and to stay in it. that's the challenge for charlie sheen . maybe not even he realizes how difficult it is to sustain going forward.

 >> i guess a lot of us will stay tuned . jeff, thank you very much. let's ||||| Despite being suspended from his job and engaging in a public war of words with CBS and the producers of "Two and a Half Men," Charlie Sheen said he loves his life, surrounded by his twin boys and two 24-year-old girlfriends.

 "It's perfect. It's awesome. Every day is just filled with just wins. All we do is put wins in the record books," the 45-year-old actor said. "We win so radically in our underwear before our first cup of coffee, it's scary. People say it's lonely at the top, but I sure like the view."

 Sheen, who has long had a penchant for prostitutes and porn stars, lives with two women whom he calls his "goddesses": Natalie Kenly, a graphic designer and Rachel Oberlin, a porn star.

 "You've read about the goddesses, come on. They're an international sensation. These are my girlfriends. These are the women that I love that have completed the three parts of my heart," Sheen said.

 "It seems crazy to everybody else, but for us it works," Kenly said about their abnormal arrangement.

 "Natty and Charlie have their own special connection, I have my own connection with Charlie and then Natty and I also have our own relationship," said Oberlin, who is also known as adult film star Bree Olson.

 The embattled actor opened up his Beverly Hills home, which he now shares with his two girlfriends and his twin sons with soon-to-be ex-wife Brooke Mueller, to ABC News this weekend.

 On Thursday, CBS announced that it had canceled the rest of the season of the hit comedy because of Sheen's "statements, conduct and condition," after the actor's scathing rant against Chuck Lorre on the radio program "Alex Jones Show."

 CLICK HERE to watch the full "20/20" special -- "Charlie Sheen: In His Own Words."

 Sheen Jokes About Polygamy

 Kenly, who started dating Sheen around October, said she "fell in love with his brain" and can't see her life without him; Oberlin said she would love to marry the star. Sheen said it was "too soon to tell," but that today he has no plans to marry again.

 "I tried marriage. I'm 0 for 3 with the marriage thing. So, being a ballplayer -- I believe in numbers. I'm not going 0 for 4. I'm not wearing a golden sombrero," he said.

 Flanked by two blondes, Sheen called Hugh Hefner "an amateur" and joked about starting a polygamous marriage with the "wedge," his nickname for himself, Oberlin and Kenly.

 "Maybe the three of us will get married. I don't know," he said sarcastically. "I'm gonna say this. It's a polygamy story. All my guy friends are gonna like throw tomatoes at me. It's like an organic union of the hearts."

 Sheen's current arrangement with the "goddesses" is far from traditional. Oberlin said they don't always sleep in the same bed together, but "land wherever we land." Sheen said the unorthodox setup is even better than a marriage.

 "We have a few rules here. Nobody panics. There's no judgment. You park your judgment at the door. Nobody dies. And -- enjoy every moment. What did I miss? Drink chocolate milk," Sheen said. "We just have fun. There's a ton of laughter in this house. A ton of love in this house. There's a ton of nobility in this house."

 "It's not a wild scene with jealous girls and ex-wives and all this kind of stuff. It all very ... we love Charlie," Kenly said.

 In a wide-ranging interview with ABC News, Sheen responded to all his recent headline-making actions, including his public feud with CBS, his feelings about Chuck Lorre and his future.

 Sheen said he's now clean and the star passed a series of drug tests, conducted by RadarOnline.com, proving there was no marijuana, cocaine, opiates, amphetamines or alcohol in his blood or urine.

 Sheen did not hold back on any front. He was forthcoming on his affinity for porn stars, saying "it's exciting" and "you already know what you're getting before you meet them."

 "They're the best at what they do and I'm the best at what I do," he said. "And together it's like, it's on. Sorry, Middle America. Yeah, I said it."

 CLICK HERE to see photos of Sheen through the years

 On his penchant for prostitutes, Sheen said it allows him to simplify things.

 "Who wants to deal with all the small talk and nonsense? And you're paying for something that eliminates that. And I don't know. It makes sense to me," he said. "As long as you're not lying to anybody. As long as you're not lying to people, I think whatever you're doing, there's no children involved in, then you're OK. But people are going to judge it, because they're so jealous."

 Kenly on Sheen's Twin Boys: 'I Would Take a Bullet for Them'

 "The wedge" told ABC News that their partying days were a thing of the past and that Sheen's nearly 2-year-old twin boys Max and Bob, are the priority.

 "We've got the kids here. They take precedence over anything else," said Kenly, who was once a nanny. She said she enjoys helping Sheen care for the boys while mom Brooke Mueller is not around: "I love those boys. I would take a bullet for them."

 Sheen said he would unleash a violent side that was "unlike anything you'll ever see" to "protect his family."

 Despite his love for his children, Sheen said he was not worried about his kids being negatively affected by his lifestyle choices or recent headline-making actions.

 "I'm not gonna worry about it, or I can say, 'Hey, kids, your dad's a rockstar. Look at his experiences. Look at what he survived.' Bang. There are some of your lessons, but the real lessons are gonna be in the future," Sheen said.

 Sheen is a father to five children -- 26-year old daughter Cassandra, who was recently married, and four kids who are minors, including the twin boys and two daughters, Sam and Lola. who are under custody of his ex-wife Denise Richards.

 Sheen said he doesn't spend enough time with his daughters, who are ages 5 and 6, to have his more controversial behaviors, like a highly-publicized weekend bender, have an impact on them.

 "I don't see them enough to have that influence, but that was yesterday and today it could be different. I don't know," he said. "They'll wake up one day and realize how cool dad is. And, you know, signs all the checks on the front, not the back. And you know, we need him and we need his wisdom and his bitchin'-ness."

 Sheen on CBS Battle, Feud With Chuck Lorre

 After eight successful seasons of "Two and Half Men," Sheen said he felt underappreciated and unloved, especially when CBS executives and the show's creator Chuck Lorre arrived on set.

 "We have an expression down there that the fun stops at 1:00. That's when they roll in. And they just puke all over it. And it's all about judgment and there's no real gratitude. And that has to change," Sheen said.

 "If they can't change that, they're not welcome in my perfect work environment," he said. "And they're not welcome to be in the presence of what I'm delivering. Because they just need to take a step back and say, 'Wow, wow, look what this guy's doing for us, for all of us.'"

 With the show puling in an estimated $160 million in advertising revenue this season alone, Sheen, who reportedly made $1.8 million per episode, said he made CBS and Lorre, very rich.

 "The numbers don't lie. Chuck [Lorre] was on his way back. He had a $48 million, four-year deal or something. He had three failed pilots. And they were ready to just like write him that final check and just be like, 'Thanks, dude, we tried. But it didn't work out.' And then I walk in and deliver the lottery," Sheen said.

 Sheen told ABC News that from the start, he did not get along with Lorre.

 "It was a fake friendship. I never felt respected in a way that I should have been. ... I showed up and this dude won the lottery. And so I always felt like, 'Why am I being treated like an unwelcome relative and being given cold coffee at, like 8 PM in the middle of the fourth inning?'"

 In one of Sheen's outbursts on the radio program "Alex Jones Show" that ultimately led to the show's suspension for the rest of the season, he took aim at Lorre, saying that he must have embarrassed him "in front of his children and the world by healing at a pace that his un-evolved mind cannot process." Later, he also challenged Lorre to a fight, saying, "If he wins, then he can leave MY show," according to TMZ.

 Sheen told ABC News he issued Lorre this "challenge" because the producer was trying to destroy his family.

 "If you destroy my family then I will deal with you with violent hatred. Sorry, it's my code. And it's not like it has to be delivered in a way that's, like, you know, all obvious and -- and like, you know, radio speak. But yeah, there's some wrongs to be righted," Sheen said.

 Monday, Warner Bros. agreed to pay the "Two and Half Men" crew for the four weeks of work they will miss due to the show's cancellation, according to TMZ.com. Crew members reportedly told TMZ that it was Lorre who prompted Warner Bros. to take these steps.

 Despite his hatred for Lorre, Sheen said he does want to resume work on the show and may be prepared to talk to Lorre to get the show back.

 "I don't know if Chuck and I can ever work together again. But maybe guys just sit in a room and just go, 'Look, we hate each other. Let's continue to make some great television.' Maybe that's possible. I don't know," Sheen said. "I'm not gonna get violent on the guy. I'm not stupid. I go to jail, I lose all my power."

 CBS and Lorre had no comment.

 Even after Sheen's fall from grace, the public opinion on Sheen -- in the form of ratings -- still seems high. Almost as high, perhaps, as his own opinion of himself.

 Sheen told ABC News that he had "billions" -- not "millions" -- of fans that tune in and rally around him because he is so honest.

 "I think the honesty not only shines through in my work, but also my personal life. And I get in trouble for being honest," he said. "I'm extremely old-fashioned. I'm a nobleman. I'm chivalrous."

 CLICK HERE to watch the full "20/20" special -- "Charlie Sheen: In His Own Words."

Summary: – Another day, another absolute glut of Charlie Sheen stories. The latest: In a just-published interview given to GQ last month—before he went on a rant against his boss, but after he trashed his hotel room—Sheen explains his philosophy on life (and, apparently, partying): "You enjoy every moment. ... Enjoy every sober moment. Enjoy every loaded moment. Just enjoy every moment. It's not a rehearsal, you know?" GQ also talked to those who know Sheen; porn star Kacey Jordan talks about the night they smoked $20,000 worth of cocaine. "That night I knew: This is the most self-destructive person I have ever met," she says. Longtime friend Sean Penn has a more optimistic view of Sheen: He tells GQ, "I think to a large degree he's saying, 'Guys, we're only going to be here once, so lighten the f*** up.'" But another good friend says, "The people closest to him wish we had a solution. Charlie apparently is in his own downward spiral." One person is apparently tired of all this: Sheen's publicist, who once blamed a Sheen hospitalization on an "allergic reaction," has resigned, E! reports. More of Sheen's recent interviews were on TV today. On Good Morning America he talked about the two girlfriends he lives with, calling it "a polygamy story" and saying Hugh Hefner is "an amateur"—presumably when it comes to dating multiple women at once. On Today, he said he loves his live-in "goddesses" because "these women don't judge me." Videos in the gallery. Believe it or not, that's still not all. Click for: The person who might replace Sheen on Two and a Half Men, boss Chuck Lorre's "uncensored thoughts" in response to the situation, and how Sheen offended armless people.


Story highlights Trump issued support for the bill even before he won the election

 Some of Trump's top advisers, including Vice President Mike Pence, are vocally opposed to abortion

 Washington (CNN) The House of Representatives passed legislation Tuesday that would criminalize abortions after 20 weeks of pregnancy, with exceptions for instances where the life of the mother is at risk and in cases involving rape or incest.

 The bill passed the House by a vote of 237 for and 189 against, largely on party lines.

 The Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act, which is similar to legislation that failed in 2013 and 2015 , has support from the White House this time around.

 The divisive issue of abortion has once again been brought to the forefront of national conversations since President Donald Trump assumed office. Trump issued support for the bill even before he won the election. In a letter dated September 2016 that was sent to anti-abortion leaders inviting individuals to join the campaign's "Pro-Life Coalition," Trump said he was committed to "signing into law the Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act, which would end painful late-term abortions nationwide," as one of four points.

 The White House reiterated its support in a statement of administration policy issued Monday: "The administration strongly supports H.R. 36, the Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act, and applauds the House of Representatives for continuing its efforts to secure critical pro-life protections."

 Read More ||||| House Speaker Paul D. Ryan (R-Wis.), with House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif., center) and Republican Conference Chairwoman Cathy McMorris Rodgers (R-Wash., left), responds to a question during a press conference on Capitol Hill on Oct. 3, 2017. (Thew/Epa-Efe/Rex/Shutterstock/Thew/Epa-Efe/Rex/Shutterstock)

 The House on Tuesday approved a bill banning most abortions after 20 weeks of pregnancy, advancing a key GOP priority for the third time in the past four years — this time, with a supportive Republican in the White House.

 The bill, known as the Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act, is not expected to emerge from the Senate, where most Democrats and a handful of moderate Republicans can block its consideration. But antiabortion activists are calling President Trump's endorsement of the bill a significant advance for their movement.

 The White House said in a statement released Monday that the administration "strongly supports" the legislation "and applauds the House of Representatives for continuing its efforts to secure critical pro-life protections."

 [Trump’s budget proposal aims to cut all federal funds to Planned Parenthood]

 The bill provides for abortions after 20 weeks gestation only when they are necessary to save the life of the mother or in cases of rape or incest. Under the bill, abortions performed during that period could be carried out "only in the manner which, in reasonable medical judgment, provides the best opportunity for the unborn child to survive" and would require a second physician trained in neonatal resuscitation to be present.

 "It's past time for Congress to pass a nationwide law protecting unborn children from the unspeakable cruelty of late-term abortion," said Marjorie Dannenfelser, president of the Susan B. Anthony List.

 Trump first supported a 20-week abortion ban in September 2016, during the final stretch of the presidential campaign when he was working to consolidate conservative support. Antiabortion activists argue the bill is justified by emerging scientific research indicating that a fetus can feel pain at 20 weeks, though the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists has not endorsed those findings.

 [Donald Trump took 5 different positions on abortion in 3 days]

 The vast majority of abortions are performed earlier in pregnancy, according to federal statistics, but activists have long focused attention on what they call "late term" abortions.

 In a letter circulated to antiabortion activists by the Susan B. Anthony List, Trump pledged to sign a 20-week abortion bill into law if he became president, which he said "would end painful late-term abortions nationwide."

 In that letter, Trump also promised to defund Planned Parenthood, nominate justices to the U.S. Supreme Court who are opposed to abortion, make the Hyde Amendment permanent law and "advance the rights of unborn children and their mothers when elected president."

 Trump rarely discussed abortion on the campaign trail and did little to promote his stance on the 20-week abortion bill, with his campaign declining to even authenticate the September 2016 letter.

 The House passed the bill 237 to 189. Two Republicans opposed the bill, and three Democrats supported it.

 Similar bills passed a Republican-controlled House in 2013 and 2015 but did not emerge from the Senate. Democratic leaders did not bring the bill up for a vote in 2013, and when GOP leaders brought it up in 2015, it did not clear a key procedural vote.

 Sen. Patty Murray (D-Wash.), the ranking Democrat on the Senate Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions Committee, called the bill a "waste of precious time" Tuesday.

 "Let me be clear: This bill is as dead on arrival in the Senate," she said, "just like it was the last time Republicans tried to pander to their extreme base by playing this particular political game with women's health."

 Abortion rights groups and Democratic lawmakers panned the legislation ahead of its passage, arguing it is based on faulty science and contains no exception if a pregnancy would threaten a mother's health. They also said the rape and incest exceptions are too narrow and that the bill is likely unconstitutional under existing Supreme Court rulings.

 Ilyse Hogue, president of NARAL Pro-Choice America, characterized the bill as an attempt "to mollify an agitated base and avoid Donald Trump's ire at the lack of legislative action under Republican leadership."

 "Women making these difficult decisions need medical professionals, not tone deaf legislation," she said in a statement.

 Read more at PowerPost

Summary: – A bill outlawing most abortions after 20 weeks cleared the House of Representatives on Tuesday, mostly along party lines, in the third time that House Republicans have passed the Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act, CNN reports. While the bill is expected to founder in the Senate, as it did on previous attempts in 2013 and 2015, this time it the has backing of President Trump. A White House statement says the administration "strongly supports" the measure "to secure critical pro-life protections." The bill would criminalize abortions after 20 weeks except in cases of rape or incest, or to save the mother's life. Marjorie Dannenfelser, head of the pro-life Susan B. Anthony List, circulated a September 2016 letter in which then-candidate Trump promised to support the bill, per the Washington Post. "It's past time … to pass a nationwide law protecting unborn children from the unspeakable cruelty of late-term abortion," Dannenfelser says. GOP Sen. Lindsey Graham pledged to introduce companion legislation in the Senate, but the chances of Republicans garnering the 60 votes needed to pass it are low, the Hill reports. Asked about the bill, GOP Whip Sen. John Cornyn said, per CNN, "That's not a near-term priority." Several states have already passed similar measures, which opponents called unconstitutional. "This dangerous, out-of-touch legislation is nothing more than yet another attempt to restrict women's access to safe, legal abortion," Planned Parenthood said. (One of the bill's backers urged his mistress to get an abortion, texts show.)


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 A gas consultant who officially changed his name to Bacon Double Cheeseburger today said: "I’ve got no regrets at all".

 Sam Smith, from Muswell Hill, changed his name by deed poll to reflect his love of the food after a night in the pub.

 He told the Standard that the Burger King favourite was the first thing that popped into his head when friends convinced him to do go ahead with the stunt.

 Mr Cheeseburger explained: “It was the culmination of probably too many drinks in the pub where there was a conversation about names.

 “Bacon Double Cheeseburger was pretty much the first thing that came up. Everyone loves bacon don’t they?

 “It was largely the most ridiculous thing we could think of. My friends were quite supportive of anything that makes me look silly, as good friends are.”

 He made an application to the UK Deed Poll Service and, perhaps unfortunately, was drinking with the same friends when the paperwork arrived a few weeks later for him to sign, making the name change official.

 Mr Cheeseburger added that he was lucky his colleagues had a sense of humour.

 The 33-year-old, who said he proudly signs off his work emails as "B D Cheeseburger", said he particularly got a kick out of booking into hotels on business trips.

 My fiancée is fairly reluctant about marrying a Cheeseburger

 He explained: “I spend a lot of time in the Far East and most people out there wouldn’t know Bacon isn’t a standard British first name. But in Europe people think it's pretty weird.

 “What people call me is up to them but that's my name legally speaking now. My mum was furious but my dad thinks it’s hilarious. He’s more than happy to use my new name.”

 But this fiancée Isabella, is less happy and he admitted another name change might be needed ahead of their wedding.

 He said: “My fiancée is fairly reluctant about marrying a Cheeseburger. That’s something we’re discussing a lot. No girl ever dreams of spending her big day marrying a man called Bacon.

 “But I’ve got no regrets at all. It’s been a very fun experience and it’s made a lot of people laugh.”

 His was revealed as one of a host of strange things people have chosen to change their names to in the past year.

 Mr Cheeseburger is one of a record-breaking 85,000 people who changed their name last year. ||||| We've detected that JavaScript is disabled in your browser. Would you like to proceed to legacy Twitter?

 Yes ||||| Have you ever had a really delicious meal and then wished you could find some way to properly honor the glorious food you’ve just consumed? Well, this man in the U.K. apparently once ate a bacon double cheeseburger so delicious that he decided to honor it by literally changing his own name to Bacon Double Cheeseburger.

 That’s dedication.

 This man used to be known as Simon Smith, according to The Times.

 “A name is the least important part of your personality,” the 33-year-old London resident reportedly told the Sunday People. “It’s given to you by someone else.”

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 So how did he choose his new identity? It was simply the first thing he thought of. Last year, he officially changed his name by deed poll. We can only assume that he really, really loves bacon double cheeseburgers and is not a vegetarian trying to be ironic.

 Contact us at editors@time.com. ||||| Simon Smith from north London is one of the many people each year who decide to change their names by deed poll.

 More unusually, he chose to change his name to Bacon Double Cheeseburger.

 You would think a man who uses his name to pay tribute to fast food wouldn't be overly bothered by references to his past moniker.

 You would be wrong.

 London newspaper The Evening Standard interviewed Mr Cheeseburger about his decision to adopt a beefy new moniker (it had a lot to do with being in the pub), but it seems they were paying so much attention to his delicious new name they forgot to check his birth name.

 They mistakenly called him Sam Smith, which according to Mr Cheeseburger, would be a ridiculous name.

 Sorry Sam.

 Perhaps the hassle was worth it though, it looks like he could be going on a beefy tour of Britain's burger restaurants.

 So does his new name cause him problems with work or travel?

 "Surprisingly no," Mr Cheeseburger tells Newsbeat.

 He currently works as a consultant for the oil and gas industry and says: "My work speaks for itself... people keep hiring me."

 It's not Bacon Double Cheeseburger on his CV though.

 "I usually drop that bombshell after the contracts have been signed," he says.

 Despite his hassle-free name change, he does have a warning for anyone who fancies changing their name to Chicken Caesar Salad.

 "On the side of beer bottles it says drink responsibly for a reason, think carefully before you do it."

 Despite all of that, people do still call him Bacon. "My dad included," he adds.

 What is a deed poll?

 Anyone over 18 can start using a new name at any time but to apply for official documents such as a passport or driving licence you'll need a legal document called a deed poll.

 For a fee you can put your name on public record by "enrolling it" at The Royal Courts of Justice.

 Alternatively you can make your own deed poll, but some record-holders will only accept a new name that's been 'enrolled' using the official forms.

 The process is slightly different if you were born in Scotland; you apply to the National Records of Scotland who will charge a recording fee.

 How much does it cost?

 Making your own deed poll is free, but the more widely accepted official method of enrolling your new name at the Royal Courts of Justice costs £36.

 Specialist agencies or solicitors will also charge a fee to make a deed poll for you.

 In Scotland a change of name is subject to a recording fee of £40, but families who are all changing their name together can pay an additional £10 per family member instead of paying the full fee for each person.

 For more stories like this one you can now download the BBC Newsbeat app straight to your device. For iPhone go here. For Android go here.

Summary: – We get that if your name is Simon Smith, you might long for more exotic nomenclature. But this British bloke admits his recent name change was "the culmination of probably too many drinks in the pub," per the Evening Standard. Smith, now officially known as Mr. Bacon Double Cheeseburger, says he and his pals were chatting about switching up names when his Burger King-inspired moniker was suggested. "It was largely the most ridiculous thing we could think of," says the 33-year-old, whom Time calls a "hero." "My friends were quite supportive of anything that makes me look silly, as good friends are." He filled out the required application, and when the final papers arrived for him to sign, he was—"perhaps unfortunately," the Standard notes—drinking with the same group of friends. They prodded him to seal the deal, for which he now says he has "no regrets." Reaction to his new name has been mixed: He says his mom was "furious," his dad thought it was "hilarious," and his fiancee—well, she'll probably make him change it back before the wedding, per the Standard. He travels a lot for work to the Far East, where he says they don't realize "Bacon" isn't a valid first name, but he concedes people he meets in Europe think it's "pretty weird." And he does keep his original name on his résumé, preferring to "drop that bombshell [only] after the contracts have been signed." He's still prickly about his erstwhile appellation: Cheeseburger took the Standard to task for reporting he was previously known as Sam Smith, tweeting, "You got my name wrong, it was SIMON SMITH. FFS. Sam Smith would be a ridiculous name." Whatever his former name, the man now known as Cheeseburger is reaping at least one perk: Burger joints are offering him free bacon double cheeseburgers if he provides proof of the name change, the BBC reports.


"It's a safe space where like-minded folks can hear things they already agree with from someone whose opinions they already know."

 No, wait, "It's just as good as "House of Cards," with even more threatening monologues into the camera."

 Stephen Colbert defined the Sarah Palin Channel, an obvious target for his show, in many ways last night, perhaps most simply as, "It's exactly what she's always done, only — mmm, nothing else."

 Stephen Colbert didn't only make fun of the Sarah Palin Channel — which can be found at SarahPalinChannel.com if you pay the $9.95 monthly charge. He also proposed himself as the channel's primary competition, announcing the "Stephen Colbert's Angry Echo Chamber," which will discuss the important issues of the day, as well as the night, like, "where did the sun go." And all for $9.94.

 This was a joke, obviously, but Colbert is no half-hearted troll. He also purchased TheSarahPalinChannel.com. If you go to the Web site, the Tumblr announces itself as "The only Sarah Palin Channel on the internet with a definite article in the address!"

 Source: TheSarahPalinChannel.com

 Your move, Sarah Palin. ||||| OKAY.

 SHAKE IT OFF, COLBERT.

 YOU'RE A PRO.

 MOVE ON.

 MOVE ON.

 THAT'S ENOUGH DEATH ANDDESTRUCTION.

 LET'S TURN TO SOMETHING THATEVIDENTLY WILL NEVER DIE AND

 CANNOT BE DESTROYED.

 SARAH PALIN.

 (LAUGHTER)(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

 I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A HUGE FAN OFSARAH PALIN.

 SHE'S A STRONG LEADER WITH APROVEN HISTORY OF SELFLESSNESS.

 IN THE MIDST OF HER 2008CAMPAIGN, SHE TOOK TIME TO HELP

 OUT A STRUGGLING SENIOR WITHSEVERELY IMPAIRED JUDGMENT.

 (LAUGHTER)AND THIS WEEK, IN HER CONTINUING

 QUEST TO REMIND AMERICA OF HEREXISTENCE, PALIN ANNOUNCED A NEW

 PROJECT.

 >> HELLO AND WELCOME TO A NEWPROJECT.

 THIS IS A NEWS CHANNEL THATREALLY IS A LOT MORE THAN NEWS.

 ARE YOU TIRED OF THE MEDIAFILTERS?

 WELL, I AM.

 I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN, SO WE'REGONNA DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

 WE'RE GONNA MAKE THIS EASY TOO.

 YOU CAN WATCH OUR CHANNEL RIGHTHERE ON YOUR COMPUTER, TABLET OR

 EVEN ON YOUR SMARTPHONE.

 WE'LL TALK ABOUT THE ISSUES THATTHE MAINSTREAM MEDIA WON'T TALK

 ABOUT AND WE'LL LOOK AT THEIDEAS THAT -- MMM -- I THINK

 WASHINGTON DOESN'T WANT YOU TOHEAR.

 >> STEPHEN: YES, THE ALL SARAHPALIN CHANNEL!

 IT'S EXACTLY WHAT SHE'S ALWAYSDONE, ONLY -- MMM -- NOTHING

 ELSE.

 (LAUGHTER)'CUZ, FOLKS, IT'S 24-7

 PALIN-TAINMENT STREAMED RIGHT TOYOUR PHONE, WITH THE HELP OF

 "TAPP," WHICH IT TURNS OUT IS AMEDIA COMPANY AND NOT, AS I

 FIRST ASSUMED, THE NAME OF ONEOF HER CHILDREN.

 (LAUGHTER)AND LIKE THE WOMAN HERSELF, THE

 SARAH PALIN CHANNEL IS ALL ABOUTSARAH PALIN.

 >> WE'LL ALSO SHARE SOME OF THEFUN THAT GOES ON IN THE PALIN

 HOUSEHOLD AND A LOT OF OURADVENTURES IN THE GREAT OUTDOORS

 TRYING TO JUST GET US FROM POINTA TO POINT B AND, BELIEVE ME, IT

 IS FUN BECAUSE IT'S REAL LIFE.

 >> STEPHEN: YEAH, IT'S FUNBECAUSE IT'S REAL LIFE.

 THAT'S WHY I ALWAYS TIV0THAT EXCITING STARING CONTEST ON

 THE MIRROR CHANNEL.

 (LAUGHTER)THAT SHOW IS AMAZING -- HOW IS

 IT "ALWAYS" A TIE?!

 HE'S GOOD.

 (LAUGHTER)THIS IS ALL PART OF SARAH'S

 CONTINUING MISSION TO PROTECTOUR FREEDOMS AT ANY COST.

 SPECIFICALLY, "$9.95 A MONTH."

 (LAUGHTER)SURE, THAT'S MORE THAN NETFLIX.

 BUT IT'S JUST AS GOOD AS HOUSEOF CARDS -- WITH EVEN MORE

 THREATENING MONOLOGUES INTOCAMERA.

 (LAUGHTER)THIS CHANNEL OFFERS YOU

 SOMETHING MORE, BY OFFERING YOULESS.

 AS THE SITE NOTES, WE FEEL THATTHE COMMUNITY WOULD FEEL MORE

 SECURE KNOWING EVERYONEWATCHING, UPLOADING VIDEOS AND

 PARTICIPATING IN THE DISCUSSIONSAND VIDEO CHATS WAS A

 CONTRIBUTING MEMBER."

 THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S A SAFE SPACEWHERE LIKE-MINDED FOLKS CAN HEAR

 THINGS THEY ALREADY AGREE WITHFROM SOMEONE WHOSE OPINION THEY

 ALREADY KNOW.

 A PLACE WHERE WE PALIN-HEADS CANGATHER AND ASK THE IMPORTANT

 QUESTIONS.

 AMONG THE MOST POPULAR,APPARENTLY, IS "WHAT IS YOUR

 CANCELLATION POLICY?"(LAUGHTER)

 BECAUSE WE PALIN FANS WANT TO BEJUST LIKE HER AND QUIT HALFWAY

 THROUGH OUR COMMITMENT.

 (LAUGHTER)BUT IF $9.95 SOUNDS TOO RICH

 RICH FOR YOUR BLOOD, SIGN UP FORMY NEW PREMIUM WEB

 CHANNEL -- "STEPHEN COLBERT'SANGRY ECHO CHAMBER ."

 FOR JUST $9.94, IT'S A COMMUNITYOF PEOPLE JUST LIKE YOU, IF YOU

 HAVE A VALID CREDIT CARD.

 WE'LL DISCUSS THE WASHINGTONISSUES OF THE DAY -- AND THE

 ISSUES OF THE NIGHT, LIKE WHEREDID THE SUN GO?

 (LAUGHTER)PLUS, "STEPHEN COLBERT'S ANGRY

 ECHO CHAMBER" GIVES YOU 24-7ACCESS TO EVERYTHING I DO.

 LIKE FOOTAGE OF ME MAKING ANDEATING A B.L.T.

 (LAUGHTER)IS THAT WHAT I SPENT YOUR TEN

 BUCKS ON?

 THE ANSWER MIGHT SURPRISE YOU.

 (LAUGHTER)AND YOU MIGHT EVEN SEE YOUR NAME

 ON MY CHANNEL WHEN I DEPOSITYOUR CHECKS IN AN A.T.M.!

 (LAUGHTER)AND SARAH PALIN'S CHANNEL ONLY

 TAKES YOU FROM POINT A TO POINTB -- BUT YOU CAN FOLLOW ME ALL

 THE WAY TO POINT C, POINT D,THEN BACK TO POINT B WHEN I

 REALIZE I LEFT MY SUNGLASSESTHERE.

 (LAUGHTER)THAT'S REAL-LIFE FUN!

 AND REMEMBER, SARAH PALIN'SCHANNEL IS

 SARAPALINCHANNEL.COM, NOTTHESARAHPALINCHANNEL.COM.

 WE BOUGHT THAT ONE TODAY.

 (CHEERING)AND IT'S FREE!

 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!

Summary: – For those who don't want to pay $9.95 per month for Sarah Palin's new online TV channel, Stephen Colbert proposed an alternative on last night's Colbert Report: his $9.94 "Angry Echo Chamber," undercutting the "24/7 Palintainment" package by a penny. He was just joking with that offer, notes the Washington Post, but the real punchline came when he announced that he had bought the URL TheSarahPalinChannel.com. The official URL for Palin's show is SarahPalinChannel.com. Colbert's website description? "The only Sarah Palin Channel on the Internet with a definite article in the address!" As for the actual Palin channel, Colbert offers this praise: It's "just as good as House of Cards, with even more threatening monologues in the camera."