super hornio brothers and super hornio brothers ii are two 1993 pornographic parodies of the super mario franchise , released at the same time as the franchise 's official film .

both films star director buck adams , along with t. t. boy , ron jeremy and chelsea lynx together as the main characters .

the films gained new interest after a write-up by a something awful reviewer .

nintendo bought them to halt their distribution .

super hornio brothers

the cinema snob reviewed both
super hornio brothers
and
super hornio brothers ii
.
“super hornio brothers” and “super hornio brothers ii” are 1993 pornographic parodies of the super mario franchise , and they were released at the same time as the super mario bros . film .
til , nintendo actually owns the rights to super hornio brothers and super hornio brothers 2 , which are porn parodies of the mario bros . games .
tagged with : pornographic film , pornographic parody , super hornio brothers , super hornio brothers ii , super mario bros . film , which company owns the rights of this film
how can i put and write and define super hornio brothers in a sentence and how is the word super hornio brothers used in a sentence and examples ? 用super hornio brothers造句 , 用super hornio brothers造句 , 用super hornio brothers造句 , super hornio brothers meaning , definition , pronunciation , synonyms and example sentences are provided by ichacha . net .
til , nintendo actually owns the rights to super hornio brothers and super hornio brothers 2 , which are porn parodies of the mario bros . games . : todayilearned
at least to stop any sequels . perhaps a super hornio borthers 3d land , or super hornio brothers u would be a hit though .
nintendo actually owns the rights to two porn parodies of the mario bros . games , ‘super hornio brothers’ and ‘super hornio brothers 2’ . both star porn legend ron jeremy .
movie urban legend : nintendo owns the rights to super hornio brothers , a porn parody of super mario bros .
vice : you ' ve done thousands of movies . do you remember super hornio brothers ?
would it bother you if someone pirated super hornio brothers ? because i found it online .
how many of the remains copies of super hornio brothers are in goon hands . . ?
super hornio brothers intro . mpg : nightmare9999onebay : free download , borrow , and streaming : internet archive
it is actually supposed to be 5 . 3 megabytes , and contains super hornio brothers start to finish .
a condensed and nudity - free version of the recap of super hornio brothers 1 from the beginning of super hornio brothers 2 . a urltoken horrors of porn retro presentation . special thanks to doorknobjohnny from the sa forums .
some of you may be wondering why it is that we , ron jeremy’s official website , do not offer super hornio brothers or super hornio brothers 2 within our massive library of ron jeremy videos . the simple answer is “nintendo” . after super hornio brothers was produced , the nintendo corporation bought the rights to the films in order to halt their distribution indefinitely . otherwise , we would 100 % offer up super hornio brothers for streaming glory .
in 2014 , a something awful forum user claimed to have purchased a copy of
super hornio brothers
.
in 2014 , a something awful forum user claimed to have purchased a copy of super hornio brothers . [ 9 ]
forums user samuel l . acksyn has provided us with a link to earlier rips of super hornio brothers 1 and 2 :
some of you may be wondering why it is that we , ron jeremy’s official website , do not offer super hornio brothers or super hornio brothers 2 within our massive library of ron jeremy videos . the simple answer is “nintendo” . after super hornio brothers was produced , the nintendo corporation bought the rights to the films in order to halt their distribution indefinitely .
basically , nintendo was so intent on preventing the release of a porno which bore even a remote resemblance to its video game universe , that it actually purchased the rights to both super hornio brothers and super hornio brothers 2 . and then buried them forever .
poster super mario batali ( no poo poo ) provides higher quality copy from dvd edition of super hornio bros 2 .
let ' s not forget super hornio world , a new ground - breaking film .
as odd ( or cute ) as it may seem , adult film producer buck adams created super hornio brothers , a mario themed adult film in 1993 . the film featured famous adult actor ron jeremy . it even had a sequel , super hornio brothers ii , that released the same year along with the super mario bros . film .
over on the something awful forums , forum user doorknobjohnny began searching for the movie behind the photo , super hornio brothers . there was a sequel , super hornio brothers 2 , released , not because the prequel was so popular , but because it was so long , it needed to be split in two .
for proof , here is the official ron jeremy ( the guy who played mario ) website saying that they don ' t have super hornio brothers available for streaming because nintendo bought the series and doesn ' t want anyone to watch it ever again . urltoken
some of you may be wondering why it is that we , ron jeremy’s official website , do not offer super hornio brothers or super hornio brothers 2 within our massive library of ron jeremy videos . the simple answer is “nintendo” . after super hornio brothers was produced , the nintendo corporation bought the rights to the films in order to halt their distribution indefinitely .
. this calls into question the methods by which nintendo sought the removal of super hornio brothers i and ii from release , since they themselves sought the decision .
super hornio brothers 1 has not thus far been put on the internet , and assuming the box art ' s correct , that ' s what you have .
although not nintendo’s creation , they still bought and own rights to super hornio brothers . who knows , we may see the film in circulation again if the switch fails .
hornio brothers squeegie and ornio fight to find their way out of cyberspace after a power surge lands them inside a computer game .
atomic thumbs barely made his deadline but was banned on a technicality - turns out the tape wasn ' t actually super hornio bros 1 at all ! it was super hornio bros 2 in shb1 ' s packaging . . .
( nsfw ) super hornio bros vhs still - in - box !
. october 29 , 2014 .
in 2009 , an announcement was made . a mysterious and anonymous benefactor had delivered both doorknobjohnny and forum moderator zack parsons a copy of super hornio brothers . there was much rejoicing .
the film ( s ) were released around the same time as the super mario bros . movie , which starred bob hoskins and john leguizamo as mario and luigi , respectively . the thing is , the super marios bros . movie totally tanked . so , after such a rough experience with the film industry , it ' s presumed that nintendo became a little more cautious with its licensing . so , it bought super hornio brothers and super hornio brothers 2 .
the star of
super hornio brothers
and many other pornos says that
while our kids are drinking beer , and playing video games , asians are getting high sat scores .
you’ve all probably seen the super hornio brothers promotional images floating about on the internet once or twice before . that picture of porn legend ron jeremy donning the overalls and hat , with the white gloves ? it wasn’t just for some halloween photo spread as so many may have expected , nor was it a joke or a photoshop . super hornio brothers was actually a real porno .
i remember the first where the hell is this tape ? find it now ! ! thread . super hornio bros has gone full circle .
according to ron jeremy’s website , people have been looking for super hornio brothers . well , the film is unavailable because of nintendo , says jeremy , as nintendo purchased the rights to the buck adams creation to halt distribution .
the cinema snob reviewed both super hornio brothers and super hornio brothers 2 . while noting that the films are considered to be the
holy grail
of pornographic parodies , the cinema snob ripped into both of them , noting the inconsistencies of the pornographic parodies , ranging from how characters were named and cast , ways that the films could better themselves using various super mario video game sound effects , to overt references to 1990s los angeles such as the 1992 los angeles riots . [ 1 ] [ 10 ]
as it turns out , super hornio brothers was incredibly difficult to find , even with hundreds of people searching for it all over the world . this is because when nintendo caught wind of it , they bought the rights to it and then stopped it from circulating – both of the films , actually . yes , there was a super hornio brothers 2 , which only existed because this porno went for so long that they had to split it in two .
los angeles —for some reason , the strange and oddly popular story about the ancient porn parody many believe is one of the worst ever made has once again reared its holiday head . yes , we’re talking about super hornio brothers , the buck adams - directed flick based on the old super mario brothers nintendo video game . hornio was released in 2004 by midnight special and starred adams , ron jeremy , tt boy , kristi lynn , chelsea lynx and kitty yung .
in 2008 , following the lead of contributing editor zack parsons , the urltoken forums began searching for copies of both films to review for posterity . in 2009 they found partial success in the form of a digital bootleg of super hornio brothers ii , which mr . parsons reviewed . since 2009 , various partial or poor - quality digital copies of both super hornio brothers films have surfaced online , however official copies of either film remained elusive despite great effort to find them .
as the searchers were soon to find out , the mystery of the lost porn parody had its roots in corporate intrigue . as deloria explained , “this is because when nintendo caught wind of [ super hornio brothers ] , they bought the rights to it and then stopped it from circulating—both of the films , actually . yes , there was a super hornio brothers 2 , which only existed because this porno went for so long that they had to split it in two . ”
fun fact : nintendo actually owns the rights to a series of porn parodies of super mario brothers to assure that nobody can ever make one again .
that is , until
something awful
editor zack parsons managed to dig up a copy of super hornio brothers 2 after hearing murmurs and whispers of its existence . parsons rated the movie , giving it an overall score of - 33 .
for proof , here is the official ron jeremy ( the guy who played mario ) website saying that they don ' t have super hornio brothers available for streaming because nintendo bought the series and doesn ' t want anyone to watch it ever again .
super hornio brothers is a two - part pornographic parody of the super mario series , released in 1993 , in anticipation of the actual super mario bros . film . the film features a man named squeegie hornio and his brother ornio ( parodies of luigi and mario , respectively ) who fall into a computer ' s black void and are stuck there . they learn that princess perlina has been kidnapped by king pooper ( parodies of princess peach and bowser , respectively ) and must be rescued . along the way , the two brothers are separated , leaving squeegie to fight king pooper alone . while he is almost killed , ornio suddenly arrives and kills king pooper by pushing him into lava . he and princess perlina then teleport back to earth , accidentally leaving squeegie behind . a sequel , entitled super hornio brothers ii was released later that year .
the video game - inspired adult films , entitled super hornio brothers and super hornio brothers 2 ( yes , i ' m serious ) feature the talents of none other than ron jeremy himself . the features were originally intended to be one film , but were split into two movies due to a lengthy running time . the movies follow the adventures of squeegie ( ron jeremy ) and ornio ( t . t . boy ) as they attempt to rescue princess perlina ( chelsea lynx ) from king pooper ( buck adams ) .
what does hot movies do ? they distribute very old movies . they have a classical section— super hornio brothers ? they have films that are even older than that ! so that ' s why they ' re probably the most logical one doing distribution on these movies .
oh , we ' re getting into it now . yes , you read that correctly . shot in 1993 , super hornio brothers and super hornio brothers ii are two
adult
films based on the super mario bros . ' s video game adventure , and even feature ron jeremy as mario , or , as he ' s called in the film , squeegie hornio ( just for the record , i am enjoying writing this just as much as you are reading it ) . nintendo actually purchased the rights to both of these movies in order to make sure they were never released to the general public . i ' m gonna go out on a limb and say that was a pretty good call .
in the
horrors of pornography
column , something awful ' s zack parsons , reviewing super hornio brothers 2 , gave it a −33 rating , and he noted that buck adams did a much better adaptation of the super mario franchise than the super mario bros . live - action film . [ 2 ] initially , parsons wondered how such a film escaped the attention of the internet for so long . [ 3 ]
didn ' t you already torrent this before after you found it ? or is this just another gbs hornio brothers adventure ? i still seed the torrent during the rare times i have a p2p client running .
youtube , video , film & animation , super , hornio , brothers , ron , jeremy , buck , adams , chelsea , lynx , kristi , kristy , lynn , natasha , natasia , bros , bros . , mario , nintendo , porn , king , pooper , ebay ,
reporter gene ross , covering the production for adult video news , wrote how the
super hornio brothers
seemed disaster bound , with 37 pages of script and 10 sex scenes being shot in just two days , involving strange sets , costumes , and weird makeup . . . . . . .
parents take note : super mario isn ' t as wholesome as he seems .
in the first movie , super hornio brothers , computer programmer squeegie hornio and his brother ornio hornio are teleported into squeegie ' s in - development computer game after a power overload . here , they have to save princess perlina from the evil king popper , who plans on using her to conquer earth . after various villains try to stop them , they manage to fight king popper and free the princess , who in return plans of transporting them back on earth , but instead she only transports ornio and herself , leaving squeegie in the computer world .
super hornio brothers is a series of two pornographic movies , released in 1993 , that are parodies of the mario series , and specifically the super mario bros . movie , therefore being considered a type 3 spin - off of it . while produced by midnight video , all rights for the movies were bougth , and are currently held , by nintendo , pureposelly to halt the distibuction of the movies .
then , just like on tv , a lead from out of nowhere brought the ‘cold case’ back to life . “in 2009 , an announcement was made , ” wrote deloria . “a mysterious and anonymous benefactor had delivered both doorknobjohnny and forum moderator zack parsons a copy of super hornio brothers . there was much rejoicing . ”
after the actual super mario brothers film turned out to be a critical and commercial flop ( not even making back half of its budget at the box office ) , nintendo has been extremely cautious with licensing characters for future films , presumably fearing any negative backlash ( although they did allow bowser from super mario brothers to make a cameo in wreck - it ralph ) . so naturally enough , they were not fans of there being a major porn parody of super mario brothers , so they actually purchased the rights to the two films with the specific intent of burying the films , which is exactly what happened .
the goons of something awful have dug up bits and pieces of
super hornio brothers ,
starring good ol ' ron as squeegie , a computer programmer who gets ( get this ) sucked into his computer . we ' d tell you more . . . but it ' s best you just watch it for yourself .
bonus : a contemplative mario reflects on 30 years since ' super mario bros . '
movie legends revealed | nintendo owns rights to ‘super mario bros . ’ porn parody ?
new ! super mario bros . - the movie ( re - edited by gary guillot )
movie legends revealed | nintendo owns rights to ' super mario bros . ' porn parody ?
this week , the most beloved video game of all time , super mario bros . , turned 30 years old . nintendo celebrated with a web video project called
let ' s mario
that took loving tributes from fans all over the internet , and edited them into one big heartwarming montage . i celebrated by digging up a somewhat less - loving tribute to the mario franchise : super hornio brothers , a porn parody from 1993 starring porn megastar ron jeremy .
super mario ballbusting and cockbiting - a femdom xxx parody was released in 2011 . [ 13 ]
“ super hornio brothers was actually a little bit disappointing . . . in every way possible , ” reported deloria . “in fact , if you wanted to be completely honest , it was probably slightly terrifying thanks to buck adams’ attempt at using a ‘king koopa’ voice for the duration of the film , which is something you really have to see and hear to grasp fully . ”
i will be attempting to reach various critics and experts to weigh in on the subject of the film , but anyone here who ' s interested in participating please do . just watch samuel l . acksyn ' s links and write at least 300 words about the historical relevance of super hornio brothers . good subjects include ( but are not limited to ) the series ' relationship to :
we ' d heard rumors of ron jeremy starring in a super mario brothers - themed porn , a long time ago , when fleshbot was but a twinkle in a young brit ' s eye . turns out it was not a joke .
super barrio bros . , a gay and latino - themed adult spoof , was released in 1994 , and was followed super barrio bros . strike back one year later . [ 11 ] [ 12 ]
as for the porno itself ? super hornio brothers was actually a little bit disappointing… in every way possible . in fact , if you wanted to be completely honest , it was probably slightly terrifying thanks to buck adams attempt at using a ‘king koopa’ voice for the duration of the film , which is something you really have to see and hear to grasp fully . [ video is safe for work . ]
in ‘super mario 64’ , boo ' s high - pitched laugh is actually bowser ' s laugh sped up .
the post has a brief excerpt of the hated voice , for the masochists among us . for the seriously unhinged , however , a pretty funny ( and devastating ) video critique of super hornio brothers by brad jones , complete with a brief history of the film’s production history , can be found on urltoken . jones intersperses his comments with scenes from the movie in the same way that some directors sprinkle comedic bits into horror movies .
in the sequel , super hornio brothers ii , after a sexual intercourse between ornio and princess perlina , she transports squeegie back on earth , but accidently also transports king popper with him . he ' s then free to start his plan of conquer by procreating with human women , so the brothers once again have to stop him . to do so , they re - enter the computer world , and after fooling other villains , they reach the generator of king popper ' s power and with the help of an anthropomorphic computer virus , they ' re able to overload it , defeating popper .
ross , royston . super mario 64 hd ( archived march 31 , 2015 ) . retrieved february 16 , 2015 .
super hornio brothers on vhs , in the original ( albeit worn ) packaging , with rental stickers and all . purchased nice and legal from a licensed store that amassed retired rental tapes and dvds , pornos and instructional videos and knock - off cartoons alike , and sold them by the pound with little or no concern for what it was they were selling . i found a lot of stuff over 2 years of skimming that place but nothing else compares to this .
this changed in 2011 , when i and a fellow film researcher discovered a used vhs copy of super hornio brothers for sale in aurora , colorado by a vendor dealing in defunct video rental store collections . since then it has remained in archival storage , contained in its original packaging and in playable condition . now in 2014 it is , to the best of my and my fellows ' knowledge , the only official vhs copy of the film to have been verified still in existence .
after a lengthy recap of the first installment , princess perlina and ornio teleport back to squeegie ' s office . wondering where squeegie is , ornio is distracted by princess perlina offering sex as a reward for saving her from king pooper . after sexual intercourse , ornio asks perlina to bring squeegie back to the real world . the teleportation goes horribly wrong ; perlina teleports both squeegie and king pooper just as king pooper confronts squeegie at the generator seen at the end of super hornio brothers . king pooper escapes , and he begins to enact his ultimate goal , bluntly explained by perlina to the hornio brothers as to
procreate and create more king pooper offspring .
while king pooper hires a prostitute to start his plan , squeegie theorizes that the generator is the key to king pooper ' s scheme and draws up plans to destroy it .
put the younglings to bed early and lock their door tight : this is 15 facts about super mario too inappropriate for kids .
super mario remaker was a fan - made level creating tool based on super mario maker . the game was made by luniney , who released the initial version on september 14 , 2015 . [ 27 ] while similar to the game upon which it was based , super mario remaker only features the super mario bros . theme while focusing primarily on adding features and elements not present in super mario maker , and additional costumes based on other characters and properties . in january of 2016 , the creator ' s youtube channel was taken down , alongside the primary download links . [ 28 ] despite this , the game can still be downloaded on other sites .
. the films star ron jeremy and tt boy as brothers squeegie hornio and ornio hornio . they are computer programmers who get sucked into their unfinished video game and must save princess perlina ( played by chelsea lynx ) from the evil king pooper ( played by adams himself , using a weird voice ) . beyond the slightly more involved production , the film is not exactly memorable . it’s just a typical porn parody of the day . some silly attempts at plot , some costumes and then a lot of sex . what sets this film apart , however , is what happened
computer programmer squeegie hornio ( ron jeremy ) and his brother ornio hornio ( t . t . boy ) are teleported into squeegie ' s in - development computer game after a freak power overload . after regaining their bearings , squeegie figures out and explains to ornio that they are stuck in the black void of a computer monitor when it ' s turned off . a computer virus informs the brothers that king pooper ( buck adams ) has kidnapped princess perlina ( chelsea lynx ) . king pooper intends on forcefully having perlina help him travel to earth with a tub full of semen energized by a special generator .
super mario bros . x is a freeware pc fan game developed by andrew spinks ( also known as redigit , the developer of terraria ) . the game is based on the early 2d super mario platformers and features a level editor . development on the game ceased after redigit received a dmca request from miller nash over the domain name of super mario bros . x ' s website ( which was
urltoken
) [ 23 ] , although whether or not this extended to super mario bros . x itself has been debated among fans . [ 24 ] [ 23 ]
cm30 ( january 9 , 2016 ) . looks like super mario remaker might be in trouble . gaming reinvented . retrieved may 24 , 2016 .
there ' s a caption saying ' scenes from part 1 ' . the first of said scenes is the hornio brothers doing some rad 90s hacking , then there ' s a cheap cgi shot and they appear in a black void which is ' inside the black space that exists when a computer monitor ' s not on ' . they meet a lady in bdsm gear and it cuts to her blowing ron jeremy .
ever wonder why super mario bros . 2 feels so different from the original super mario ? it ' s not that it ' s a bad game , it ' s just . . . why am i picking vegetables now ? that ' s because super mario bros . 2 is actually a remake of a different japanese game called doki doki panic , with the game ' s characters subbed out for mario characters . the actual second installment in the super mario franchise was never actually released in the us after testers played the game and determined it was too difficult for puny , american gamers . the real super mario bros . 2 would make its way across the sea years later , under the moniker of the lost levels in super mario all - stars . sorry kid , but it ' s for your own good . the actual mario 2 would have just made you cry .
a power surge sends whacked out computer programmer squeegie hornio and his brother ornio into cyberspace where they meet up with , have sex with , and even fight , a variety of characters from a popular video game .
the first level of the great giana sisters ( top ) , which bears a great resemblance to that of super mario bros . ( bottom ) .
david lumb ( september 20 , 2017 ) . nintendo issues takedowns for ‘super mario 64 online ' mod videos . engadget . retrieved september 26 , 2017
wipe your glasses or rub your eyes because you’re reading correctly . a super mario adult film existed and nintendo bought it . check out the story .
super mario 64 hd was a fan tech demo of a high - definition remake of super mario 64 , produced in the unity game engine by programmer erik roystan ross to demonstrate his
super character controller
[ 21 ] , an input plugin for the unity engine . the demo , consisting only of a semi - complete recreation of bob - omb battlefield , was published on march 12 , 2015 . nintendo issued a takedown notice against the game on march 31 , 2015 , saying the website
allows users to play , an electronic game that makes unauthorized use of copyright - protected features of nintendo ' s super mario 64 video game
. ross attributed it to the presence of models and sound effects ripped from super mario galaxy [ 22 ] .
nintendo , you see , is very protective of its intellectual property . after the actual super mario bros . film turned out to be a critical and commercial flop ( not even making back half of its budget at the box office ) , nintendo has been extremely cautious with licensing characters for future films , presumably fearing any negative backlash ( although it did allow bowser from super mario bros . to make a cameo in wreck - it ralph ) . so naturally enough , the company wasn’t a fan of the major porn parody of super mario brothers , so it purchased the rights to the two films with the specific intent of burying the films , which is exactly what happened .
philips . tom ( march 31 2015 ) . nintendo issues takedown notice for super mario 64 hd project . eurogamer . ( retrived march 31 , 2015 )
as of 13th august this year , super mario 64 has shifted over 11 . 89 million units worldwide , making it the 10th most successful mario title .
yoshiller ( february 16 , 2016 ) , super mario bros . z creator faces patreon trouble after a nintendo dmca claim . gonintendo . retrieved february 16 , 2016
what a ride . atomic thumbs and juicebox hero are both banned , the tape turns out to have been mislabeled and both at and boldfrankensteinmir missed it , and atomic thumbs ' making - of documentary remains to be seen . we now have a very high resolution copy of super hornio bros 2 , about 50 new avatars and one very old and ready - to - die goon project thread .
let me tell you a christmas story , boys and girls . a story about giving , a story about generosity , a story about miracles – a story about finding one of the last copies of a mario brothers porno in existence .
pokémon go blessed players with a serene nostalgia while super mario run , not having as much success , is a fun time passer . but this isn’t nintendo’s first strategy with mobile .
with global sales of over 300 million , it’s no wonder that the super mario bros . series is in the guinness book of records as the most successful gaming franchise of all time !
super mario bros . z was later rebooted by its original creator in late 2015 , who set up a patreon page to support the series . on february 15 , 2016 , the patreon received a takedown notice from nintendo . [ 26 ] the series creator has since created a new page to support him creating animations in general , as opposed to just super mario bros . z .
okay , we ' ve been having fun up till this point right ? good , good . listen . it ' s time to get serious here . this part of the list is not for children . because the movie super mario bros is not for children . interestingly enough , it ' s actually not for adults either . or anyone , for that matter . if you haven ' t seen the super mario brothers movie , let me start by saying you don ' t ever need to . not ever . just look up a few images from the film , and you ' ll be more than all set . here are a few highlights :
porn comes in every shape and , er , size . so , it should really come as no surprise that there is not one , but two super mario parody pornos floating around out there .
video game designer yuji naka has said in interviews that he was inspired to create sonic the hedgehog after countless attempts at completing the first level of ‘super mario bros . ’ as quickly as possible .
mario was originally meant to ride a horse in ‘super mario 64’ but when that didn’t happen for unknown reasons mario’s horse became epona , link’s horse in ‘the legend of zelda : ocarina of time’ .
with worldwide sales of over 40 million , 1985’s release of ‘super mario bros’ remains mario’s most popular release to date . with the game selling over 29 million copies in the u . s . alone !
actually this is an indie game developed by one developer , so due to the limitation of effort , i purchased a cute character from turbosquid , one of the biggest 3d asset stores , without knowing the background story of the character yoshi , since i ' m not a super mario fan . . . . once the game was released on the play store , after spending hundreds of hours in making the game , i started receiving ' kind ' mails from super mario fans that i stole yoshi , etc . so i started googling and i realized that the character is really from the super mario series .
super mario 64 online is a rom hack for super mario 64 released in september 2017 . it adds online multiplayer for up to 24 players and other new features , such as new playable characters . on september 20 , 2017 , nintendo took down all youtube videos related to the game on the creator ' s account as well as his patreon page , although the hack itself remains available for download . [ 29 ]
“let me tell you a christmas story , boys and girls , ” wrote elizabeth deloria in a piece published dec . 26 on urltoken . “a story about giving , a story about generosity , a story about miracles—a story about finding one of the last copies of a mario brothers porno in existence . ”
the manual for ' super mario bros . 2 ' clearly states that birdo is a guy who thinks he is a girl . which makes yoshi’s brightly - coloured bae transgender , right ? how progressive of you nintendo !
one scientific study found that playing super mario 64 for half an hour a day over the course of two months caused a significant increase in areas of the brain that helped with spatial orientation , memory formation , and strategic planning .
that said , this doesn ' t actually mean no one can ever make a mario brothers porn parody again . it just means you need to use a different title , and given how cheap and omnipresent modern pornographic movies are , if enough people did it , nintendo would give up buying the rights at a certain point .
super mario 64 2 , the follow - up sequel that was intended for release in 1999 , was going to be for the nintendo 64dd but was cancelled early in production due to the 64dd add - on failing to shift enough units .
everyone remembers the super mario bros . super show , the mario brothers cartoon featuring professional wrestler captain lou albano as mario . what far fewer people remember is the short - lived king koopa ' s kool kartoons , kkkk for short ( or just
whoops
for really short ) , a show that featured an actor clad in a koopa costume that managed to somehow walk the line of looking both cheap and terrifying simultaneously . the show consisted of koopa queuing up public domain cartoons for a live audience of children , all of whom were outfitted in koopa themed hats and shirts , which didn ' t do much to take away from the idea all of them were being held against their will . the show enjoyed a lengthy run from 1989 - 1990 and was only broadcast in southern california . stick to video game kidnapping , koops .
the game received almost immediate attention from players ( and later the video game industry ) , due to the game ' s overall design and mechanics being extremely similar to that of super mario bros . . the game ' s first level is nearly identical to that of super mario bros . , as well as the game ' s elements ( mushrooms with eyes and horns , and yellow blocks , resembling goombas and ? blocks , respectively ) , and the gameplay itself . [ 11 ] some versions of the game also feature on the box art graffiti on a brick wall that says
the brothers are history !
because of the games ' similarities , nintendo pressured the developers to pull the game from retail shelves . copies of the game were eventually withdrawn from sale , and it still remains a collector ' s item to this day .
editors ' note , sept . 12 , 2015 : this story originally stated that danny devito starred in the super mario bros . film , which is obviously incorrect for anyone who loves bad ' 90s movies . it has been updated with a correction .
so this is awkward , but according to the instruction guide included with ‘super mario bros . ’ , the koopas turned the inhabitants of the mushroom kingdom into blocks when they invaded , which means mario is killing someone every time he hits a block .
‘super mario kart’ was censored in the u . s . because of princess peach’s champagne swigging on the podium like a boss when she won . in the non - japanese version she simply pops the cork and tosses the bottle up in the air .
remember those hockey mask - wearing goombas in the pumpkin zone in ‘super mario land 2’ ? as it turns out , they were in fact a direct reference to jason voorhees in ‘friday the 13th’ and even went by the name of “j son” in japan .
in the film , jeremy plays a computer programmer named squeegie hornio . he and his brother ornio hornio , played by t . t . boy , are zapped into a computer game during a power surge , a la tron . instead of a world of goombas and puffy clouds , they find themselves in a black void where they meet a very non - dinosaur - ish villain named king pooper , played by buck adams , the director of the film . pooper kidnaps princess perlina , and our heroes , squeegie and ornio have to prevent the villain from teleporting himself to the real world with a jizz - powered machine . there are also several prolonged sex acts sprinkled in , because it ' s a pornographic film intended to be masturbated to .
with a joke about ' the writer ran out of ideas and had us gently caress each other at random ' , then a guy with long hair humps a computer and somehow this solves everything and the hornio bros . are back in the real world explaining their victory to princess peach . it fades out on mario saying ' i knew it was gonna end this way ' .
for those curious about what this apparently painful parody from the past is about , other than a creepy version of a kid’s game , the synopsis from imdb reads , “a power surge sends whacked out computer programmer squeegie hornio and his brother ornio into cyberspace where they meet up with , have sex with , and even fight , a variety of characters from a popular video game . ”
“ground theme” ( the song played on the first level of the ‘super mario bros . ’ game ) is one of the most recognised pieces of music in the world and spent a to - tal of 125 weeks at the top of the billboard charts for ringtones .
a curious sort of boom market has developed in recent years for high - end porn parodies of popular films and tv series , particularly those featuring superheroes , like batman xxx : a porn parody ( cbr spoke to the director of the film at the time and it is fascinating how much care is put into the production of these films . as csbg’s sonia harris noted a while back , the costume for the porn parody of wonder woman looks better and more like the actual comic book character than the costume for the david e . kelley television pilot ! ) . while these porn parodies have become big business , the idea has been around for decades . you would be hard pressed to pick a notable television series or film that hasn’t had a porn parody ( i wrote a comic book legends revealed on a superman porn parody that dc sued over 30 years ago ) . however , very rarely do you ever see the inspiration for the porn parody ever get involved in the parody and yet that’s exactly what happened with nintendo and the 1993 film super hornio brothers .
gameranx called the film
disappointing
, noting scenes like luigi and princess peach bumping uglies on a desk or mario laying pipe with a spider lady . i don ' t remember a spider lady in super mario bros . . then again , i also don ' t remember hardcore fucking .
it ' s hard to imagine now , but originally , a shoot - ' em - up stage was planned for super mario bros . from shigeru miyamoto :
we originally thought about having a shoot - ' em - up stage where mario jumps on a cloud and shoots at enemies
what did you find especially good about the job buck adams did ? he tried very hard to simulate the basic show . buck knew mario brothers inside and out . i ' ve been told before that i look like one of the brothers . they ' ve made jokes about it . i even did layouts in magazines where i had to impersonate that , with a plunger in one hand , overalls , a big , big mustache . pretty funny , you know ? he had good attention to detail . it was one of his better videos . he added that noise when i walked , you know ? ( makes a video - gamey boink - boink - boink sound ) plus it had good sex scenes . pretty basic thing if you ' re gonna watch an adult movie . that ' s gotta be hot too .
while also a fabulous play on words , the super knitendo was the concept and design for a nintendo - made knitting machine . the part would attach to the nes and had the slogan : “now you’re knitting with power ! ” wow , that definitely had to be a tough sell to people .
children of all ages love the super mario brothers ! there ' s no child on earth who doesn ' t remember their first adventure in the mushroom kingdom . there ' s a good chance if you walk up to someone and just say the words ,
it ' s - a me ,
they ' ll respond with ,
mario !
super mario is just good , clean fun . except when he ' s drinking blood to send demons back to hell , starring in his own
adult
film , or carrying out mass murder .
wait ,
you say .
i don ' t remember any of that happening .
of course , you don ' t , because you ' re so blinded by your love of the italian plumber and his adorable band of merry heroes and villains that you ' ve been unable to see what ' s been under your nose the whole time . the mario universe is one filled to the brim with salacious creatures , heinous violence , and rampant drug use .
while a good idea , it would’ve been better for nintendo to promote making friends over creating a bot . most know r . o . b . through super smash bros . brawl and wii u , but nintendo invented r . o . b . long ago . support making new friends over fake robots , nintendo .
squeegie is obviously based on mario , wearing red overalls and being shorter , while ornio is based on luigi , wearing green overalls and being taller , however their names seemes to be swapped , since squeege sounds more like
luigi
and ornio more like
mario
, also having almost the same first and last name , referencing mario having the same first and last name . like luigi in the super mario bros . movie , ornio has no mustache and wears his cap backwards . the brothers being computer programmers rather than plumbers is very likely a reference to the mario series originally being a video game series . the villain king popper is clearly based on king koopa from the movie , having the same hairstyle , but princess perlina while having the same role as princesses peach or daisy , she doesn ' t specifically resemble any of them . also the other characters in the movies don ' t seem to directly reference any mario character . the plot of the brothers having to save the princess is reminiscent of the plot of mario games , but specifically the main villain wanting to conquer earth seems to be a reference to the mario movie , since bowser never invaded earth in the games ( except in the educational game mario is missing ! ) additionally the princess ' love intrest being the seconadry hero rather than the main one , might be based on the movie , where the princess daisy is luigi ' s love interest rather than mario ' s . lastly , the movies ' title screen is based on the title of the movie super mario bros . featuring similar metallic characters .
super mario bros . z : the movie was a crowdfunding campaign on kickstarter for a feature length episode of super mario bros . z , a flash - animated fan video series crossing over sonic the hedgehog characters into the world of mario , and with a story and battle sequences patterned after dragon ball z . the episode was meant to serve as a finale to the original series , which at the time had been officially canceled by its creator , and a pilot for another similar web series . the kickstarter ( and by extension , the project ) was canceled after receiving a takedown notice from miller nash , a law firm employed by nintendo [ 25 ] .
according to super mario creator shigeru miyamoto , super mario is somewhere in the area of 24 - 25 years old . that ' s right , you read that correctly . super mario , a short , round , mustached man who , realistically , looks like he ' s probably in his early forties , is in his mid - twenties . what is going on ? there are a few possible explanations . first , mario ' s repeated trips to the mushroom kingdom , a different dimension than the one he is from , are somehow taking a toll on his brain , metabolism , and physical appearance . another is that mario ' s rampant drug use ( as we learned from the previous item on this list ) is catching up to him . he ' s like a video game keith richards , or something . just another reason crack is whack , kids . and if you ' re a kid reading this , stop ! i thought i made it clear this was not for you .
you know your hero , super mario ? the coolest of the cool ? the fireball - throwing , koopa stomping , shell hurling superhero who can ' t be stopped , even by death ? well , guess what . turns out , all that ' s just a facade . at the end of the day , mario just another wimp who ' s most at home with a needle and thread . don ' t believe me ? well , look no further than 1986 family computer disk system title i am a teacher : super mario sweater . it ' s rumored that every time the title of this game is spoken out loud , a little kid somewhere throws away his super mario happy meal toy . gameplay consisted of . . . well , designing sweaters . you could make a mario sweater or even a peach sweater . fun . you can tell the kids about this one , just be prepared for them to never look at their red suspender - clad hero the same way again .
a curious sort of boom market has developed in recent years for high end porn parodies of popular films and tv series , especially superhero films and shows , like batman xxx : a porn parody ( cbr spoke to the director of the film at the time and it is fascinating how much care is put into the production of these films . as csbg’s sonia harris noted a while back , the costume for the porn parody of wonder woman looks better and more like the actual comic book character than the costume for the david e . kelley wonder woman tv pilot ! ) . while these porn parodies have become big business these days ( you almost see as many mentions of porn parodies as you see car insurance ads these days ) , the idea of doing a porn parody of popular culture has been around for decades . you would be hard pressed to pick a notable television series or film that has not had a porn parody at one point or another over the years ( i did a comic book legends revealed on a superman porn parody that dc sued over thirty years ago ) . however , very rarely do you ever see the inspiration for the porn parody ever get involved in the parody and yet that is exactly what happened with nintendo and the 1993 film super hornio brothers .


homefront is a 2013 american action thriller film directed by gary fleder and released nationwide in theaters on november 27 .

based on chuck logan 's novel of the same name and adapted into a screenplay by sylvester stallone , the film stars jason statham , james franco , winona ryder , and kate bosworth .

filming began on october 1 , 2012 in new orleans .

homefront ( film )

homefront is a 2013 american action film directed by gary fleder . the film is based on chuck logan ' s novel of the same name . the film was released on november 27 , 2013 .
homefront makes a familiar scenario fresh , propelled by jason statham ' s phil broker .
both homefront and the original red dawn were co - written by screenwriter john milius .
have a read his homefront : the voice of freedom prequel novel . somebody in the sa homefront thread put up some brief excepts , and it ' s * bloody awful * .
pro video film & distribution kft . ( 2013 ) ( hungary ) ( theatrical )
tomorrow when the war began and homefront don ' t have the same writers . the writer fro homefront was the guy who wrote the original red dawn - yeah i forgot his name .
home sweet homefront … jason statham and izabela vidovic . photograph : allstar / lionsgate / sportsphoto ltd
looking for movie tickets ? enter your location to see which movie theaters are playing homefront near you .
sylvester stallone originally developed the screenplay as an installment of his rambo film series . see more »
up to date as of july 7th , 2018 ( give or take a film or three ) .
an interview with writer / director boots riley about his incendiary new film ,
sorry to bother you .
. why is that so interesting ? because they already shot the film as a chinese invasion of the states .
jason statham makes existentialist action films . they are neither good nor bad , they just are . homefront is no exception .
rising to the top with over $ 30 million . it was the only film that earned more than that amount , while
the blue crush star is joining jason statham and james franco in homefront , according to the hollywood reporter ' s heat vision blog .
the tomatometer score — based on the opinions of hundreds of film and television critics — is a trusted measurement of critical recommendation for millions of fans . it represents the percentage of professional critic reviews that are positive for a given film or television show .
both homefront and the original tomorrow when the war began were co - written by screenwriter john marsden . . . oh wait . . .
homefront manages to hit all the right notes and even a few you wouldn ' t expect , and there ' s nothing expendable about that .
the film contains scenes of drug misuse and preparation , including crack smoking and the ' cooking up ' of drugs on a spoon .
homefront is an action thriller about a former dea agent who moves to a small town with his daughter and becomes the target of a local drug king .
that’s all well and good for universal’s sequel , but paramount pictures’ own franchise film star trek beyond dropped almost 60 % in its second week of box office earnings . at $ 24 million domestically , the justin lin - directed film does end up taking second place and going over $ 105 million at the homefront . this film , too , continues its international rollout through october , but its international performance is lagging behind . compared to the j . j . abrams - directed installments , star trek beyond falls short of the $ 146 + million tallies they had by the end of their second weekend . it will be interesting to see how paramount responds concerning the fourth star trek film they’ve already announced ; perhaps a smaller budget is in the cards .
compared with the opening number for spike lee ' s oldboy ( £95 , 000 from 253 sites ) , the homefront result is a glorious triumph . oldboy fell into the trap of some previous english language remakes where the talent is not commercially appealing enough to take the film to a new audience , leaving it targeting cinemagoers who had seen the original film and may not need to see the same story twice . a similar phenomenon to when argentinian conman flick nine queens was remade as criminal starring sam rockwell , diego luna and maggie gyllenhaal – all rightly admired indie actors who couldn ' t take the film beyond the original audience .
the ballad of narayama
is a japanese film of great beauty and elegant artifice , telling a story of startling cruelty . what a space it opens…
homefront is a safe film . it breaks no boundaries , reinvents nothing , it just does what it is supposed to do and there is nothing wrong with that . if you ' re up for a straightforward action film that has been made millions of times before , you ' ll probably enjoy watching this . it is scripted by sylvester stallone which tells me two things . he can still read and he can still write . encouraging thoughts keeping in mind his most recent films .
so a film meant to highlight the strength and resolve of the american spirit against an oppressive regime . . . has just caved in to an oppressive regime ?
neither the film nor the game comes close to being a critical darling . according to metacritic , the film has a score of 36 / 100 , with most reviews ranging from mixed to negative . homefront has a metacritic score of 70 / 100 . and while that sounds better - and there are a few more good reviews than the film has - for a major game by a major studio , that ' s a disappointing score . ( as forbes contributor paul tassi points out , for most gamers , that score translates to
a generally bad game that only a few will enjoy .
) and the average user score is worse than the critical score .
mgm has been working with the film ' red dawn ' s ' director and producers to make the most commercially viable version of the film for audiences worldwide ,
said mike vollman , executive vice president of worldwide marketing to the la times .
we want to ensure the most people possible are able to experience it .
the success of frozen contrasts with rival animation free birds , which fell by 70 % from the previous weekend , the biggest drop of any film in the top 10 .
the script was written by stallone in an intentional throwbacky action film . james franco plays a total weenie small time meth dealer . he doesn ' t actually do a single thing successfully in the whole film except intimidate some high school kids . he just stays fucking up . and then statham beats the shit out of him . it ' s great .
the film ' s producers are in the process of digitally altering the new red dawn , swapping out chinese imagery and changing dialogue to make the film ' s aggressors north korean , reports the la times . studio execs were concerned about chinese leadership being offended by the war flick and losing ( potentially ) a billion viewers over red dawn ' s choice of villain .
extrapolating the parallels from homefront to red dawn , my guess is that the new film will do decently - probably enough to take back its estimated $ 75 million production budget , but not too much more . i ' d be surprised to see it crack $ 100 million , and i ' d also guess that the box office take is going to be pretty frontloaded with large drop - offs in the coming weeks .
publisher thq shared similar concerns when it chose a unified korean invasion over a chinese attack on us soil . execs said china was just
not that scary
. but it too was worried about china ' s reception to homefront .
homefront is an action movie about a widowed ex - dea agent who retires to a small town for the sake of his 10 - year - old daughter . the only problem is he picked the wrong town . ( c ) open road
full financial estimates for this film , including domestic and international box office , video sales , video rentals , tv and ancillary revenue are available through our research services . for more information , please contact us at research @ urltoken .
with a further five films all opening on at least 100 prints , the weekend saw a wide range of mainstream contenders go belly - up . most successful was jason statham starrer homefront , with £440 , 000 from 295 sites . although that ' s an improvement on the start for his last film hummingbird ( £206 , 000 ) , it ' s moderately down on the debuts of recent efforts such as parker ( £569 , 000 ) and safe ( £680 , 000 ) .
the trailer seems to promise a showdown between broker and drug - dealing villain gator bodine ( or
gaturr bow - dine ,
as james franco introduces himself ) , but the film delivers something a lot more tangled and interesting . ( i mean , come on : statham vs . franco would have been a six - second vine . ) to avoid spoilers , let’s just say that
homefront
is more interested in how cowards and bullies thrive on manipulating each other , and how a strong , decent man like broker can find himself a victim of their parasitic politics .
homefront
is an action movie about a widowed ex - dea agent who retires to a small town for the sake of his 10 - year - old daughter . the only problem is he picked the wrong town , because it ' s full of meth - selling rednecks who want their revenge .
no , i ' m not talking about the re - make of red dawn , which opens over this holiday . i ' m talking about homefront , a video game released by thq interactive , which shares more than a few similarities to the new movie . homefront ' s story is credited to john milius , who wrote the script for the 1984 red dawn . and like the red dawn remake , the initial villains were chinese before being changed to north korea . the parallels are interesting enough to make me wonder if the game will also offer a preview of how red dawn will perform at the box office .
the film , which sylvester stallone has adapted from a book by chuck logan , follows a former drug enforcement agent , played by jason , who wants to retire to a small town and live the quiet life . but his plans are scuppered by a villainous drug dealer played by james .
. this film made just over $ 20 million at the box office , which is amazing for a limited release . however , it is still a limited release on top of the new releases . that tells you how slow this week is on the home market . fortunately , last friday
aside from the messy action scenes , the film has a professional look and the actors generally supply ample juice playing over - excitable characters . only statham isn ' t allowed to join in the fun , obliged as he is to remain in stolid , stalwart mode while everyone goes ballistic around him .
“it’s a bit like appalachia : you can go from two kids in a fistfight to the emergency room real fast , ” advises one concerned citizen in “homefront , ” a tale of backwoods retribution that resembles roman polanski’s “carnage” transplanted to “deliverance” country , where feuding parents prefer outright war to wars of words . but what sounds like a [ … ]
homefront is mostly just your typical jason statham action film , but it is livened up a bit by a scenery chewing performance from james franco a story with enough intrigue to keep you invested until the end . the action is fairly standard for the genre at this point , but still well done . sylvester stallone did the screenplay , which is contrived and ridiculous in spots and could have been improved . he wrote it specifically with statham in mind though , and it shows . it caters to his good qualities enough to make this an enjoyable b movie experience , even if it isn ' t exactly high quality cinema . definitely worthwhile for action buffs or statham fans , but little appeal beyond that really .
mechanic : resurrection may have seemed liked an unasked - for sequel , but clearly someone out there wanted to see it . now if those people could just catch up on safe , the bank job , and homefront , all will be right with the world . statham will be seen next in universal / comcast corp . ' s fast 8 in april of next year .
opened in one theater on friday the 22nd before expanding wide on wednesday the 27th . normally we don ' t like to use films that have already opened , but it is still the best choice for the target film for this week ' s box office prediction contest . in order to win , one must simply predict the opening weekend box office number for
the baton has instead been passed to sly’s expendables cohort jason statham , an actor now so reliable at guttural machismo you could never accuse his films of false advertising . homefront does nothing to stretch its leading man , but there ' s something to be said for statham’s stardom and the films being slotted around it – like a stubborn bollard , you always know exactly where to find him .
a marine must do whatever it takes to save his kidnapped sister and stop a terrorist attack masterminded by a radical militia group . the marine 3 : homefront is the 3rd installment in the marine series and the 2nd sequel out of the 4 that have been released so far and to be honest it was a pretty damn good and decent wwe studios film plus the miz is way better than john cena at least so that ' s something and neal mcdonough made a really cool villain but then again mcdonough is great in pretty much anything that he ever does . if you enjoyed the first 2 films for what they were you ' re going to enjoy this one as well but don ' t expect anything more than just a fun ride . ( 7 / 10 )
the rest of the pack , namely statham’s many solo action vehicles , guy ritchie capers and related genre fare , all sit below the seemingly unasked - for sequel . while the film co - starred jessica alba , tommy lee jones and michelle yeoh , it was a statham action - er all the way and was sold mostly on his cred . the film earned $ 88 million in overseas grosses . so , it not only out - grossed the mechanic ( $ 76m ) just in overseas grosses , it would sit just between transporter 3 ( $ 109m ) and transporter 2 ( $ 85m worldwide , but his biggest domestic solo vehicle with $ 43m back in 2005 ) among the top statham vehicles even if it had gone direct - to - dvd in north america .
homefront sounds faintly like a diy programme on 1990s daytime television , but turns out to be a bust - up in the bayous between a single dad and some louisiana meth runners . whatever works . faces are broken , crayfish gobbled , white - trash accents dusted off . if it’s easily imaginable as a sylvester stallone vehicle , that’s because he wrote the script , which was originally intended as the final instalment of rambo .
this is a terrific and powerful movie . a hard - edged and explosive action - packed thriller . a total knockout of an action film . one of the years best action movies hands down . a strong and tough film that when is not shooting or blowing things up it packs a hard - hitting amount of riveting drama that feels very real and effective . director , gary fleder gives a great energy to the material , crafting a fine heart - pounding film . writer / producer , sylvester stallone writes a deep , down and thrilling story that balances drama and action well . stallone wrote the role specifically for statham , giving him new reach and depth that he knew the action star could accomplish . jason statham is at his absolute best , he gives a powerful and surprisingly compassionate performance . statham proves to be getting better as an actor , just improving with every performance . james franco is excellent , finally dropping from his recent line of comedies and back to more serious territory and proving to be more than an exceptional match for statham . i loved this movie , it is truly awesome and delivers big time . it ' s utterly thrilling , heart - pounding and sometimes deeply moving .
the general public , that strange amalgam of tribes and cliques ( ooka chaka , ooka chaka ! ) , will
get
this more so than those of the film intelligentsia among us . bread and circuses prepared for and designed by sly stallone , no less ( who might have an idea what the film going public wants after all this time ) , and gives it to them . and there are some surprises : franco and ryder are great as the bad guys ( uhh , spoiler alert ! sorry ) , squeaky clean bosworth does better street ho than you could ' ve imagined , and finally statham , who ' s always a lone cowboy , pulls off caring dad with better chops than you would ' ve thought possible . all in all a pretty decent entertainment offering once one accepts that one is here to see some bad guys get seriously pounded into the ground .
given that over the past twelve months he ' s played everything from the wizard of oz and hugh hefner to spring breakers '
alien
and himself in this is the end , it ' s tough to speculate about how james franco chooses his film roles . but it would be easy to believe that he agreed to play the swamp rat drug dealer in homefront just for the opportunity it provides for him to bellow out his character ' s memorable name , as in
my name is gator bodine ! ! !
franco clearly relishes the handle , which is more than most people will feel about this trashy , manipulative , by - the - numbers crime drama in which jason statham wrestles with both gator and an american accent . the open road entry will have to make its score very quickly upon nov . 27 release before being crowded out of the marketplace by more high - profile year - end titles .
while oldboy was met with little enthusiasm from critics and audiences ( a perfectly aligned 49 / 100 on metacritic and 4 . 9 / 10 rating at imdb ) , the same cannot be said of nebraska , which is enjoying a major awards push for lead actor bruce dern . a metacritic score of 85 / 100 and an imdb user rating of 8 . 0 suggest that the film is a winner , making the weak box - office result all the more disappointing . a debut of £151 , 000 from 122 cinemas is enough to push the site average into four figures ( £1 , 240 ) , but you ' d expect far better . alexander payne ' s last film the descendants ( which had the advantage of a bona fide movie star in george clooney ) debuted with £1 . 80m from 403 cinemas . before that , sideways kicked off with £350 , 000 from 72 venues .
the boiler - plate opening action scene isn ' t bad , as undercover dea agent phil broker ( statham in a wig ) spearheads a bust of a big city drug lab . the whole joint blows up and when the big boss is led away by the cops , he gets off a promise to broker that sets the tone for most of the film ' s dialogue :
your kids are f - - - - - - dead .
now the film cost around $ 40 million to produce , so it ' s not necessarily a mega blockbuster even as it may triple its budget . but this bodes well for warner bros . / time warner inc . ’s upcoming “jason statham and fan bingbing versus a giant shark” adventure meg which opens on north american shores in march of 2018 . said chinese co - production will be distributed in china by gravity pictures with wb handling the rest of the world .
fleder , who is a pretty standard button - masher as an action director , actually shows infectious relish and nuance in depicting statham’s slow return to his violent ways . it’s the psychology that counts : we’ve all been there , tested and prodded constantly by some unreasonable , relentless fool who won’t recognize sincere attempts at peacemaking . statham’s discomfort at having to extend the olive branch when he’d rather jam it in the other guy’s windpipe is the film ' s most suspenseful stunt .
homefront is sufficiently silly and low - down to be entertaining on a certain marginal level , but it wouldn ' t appear that those involved , with the possible exception of franco , approached this with the idea that they might be making good trash ; it looks too elaborate and costly for that and the script exhibits no self - aware humor . so when real peril arrives for broker and maddy , it just feels as though the computer has rotely delivered the pre - programmed climactic scenes that have been indicated from close to the beginning .
once the slow fuse of jason statham’s fury reaches the dynamite , fleder unleashes a series of old school set pieces that cry out for the economy of a walter hill or the operatic style of a john woo . or , even better , the slow - roast verisimilitude of a jeff nichols , whose
shotgun stories
is arguably the greatest backwoods feud movie ever made . as vengeance was meted out mechanically in the final showdown of
homefront ,
my thoughts drifted to franco and his small - town loser friends , with sympathy . sure , they’re violent assholes , but their biggest crime in this film is being graceless rednecks with colossal class envy . they want somethin ' like what statham got , a big country home and enough downtime to go horseback riding with his daughter instead of busting hump at the quarry or slinging dope . somewhere in the chaos of flames and clashing vehicles , franco mutters a lament along those lines . in the end , as in most films of this type , the dea triumphs in its land war against the peasants , and statham can get back to his life .
but the good news is that the millennium - produced release , which was distributed by summit / lionsgate in the states , earned a whopping $ 88 . 2 million - and - counting overseas . that includes a $ 44m running cume in china , giving the 2016 sequel to the 2011 remake a $ 109 . 4m worldwide total . that means that the film surpassed the $ 109m worldwide cume of the transporter 3 back in 2008 . that means that , so sayeth box office mojo , mechanic : resurrection is statham’s biggest solo action hit ever .
here ' s a film that was exactly what i thought it was going to be . . . a straightforward action thriller with some testosterone - fueled punch - outs , big explosions , solid acting and not a whole lot to think about . jason statham plays former dea agent phil broker , who moves with his 10 - year - old daughter to rural louisiana after the death of his wife . before he can really settle in , local meth maker gator bodine ( james franco ) discovers his identity and decides to use the information to his own advantage .
pushing the hunger games : catching fire aside after its two weeks at the top spot , disney ' s frozen opened with £4 . 70m . that ' s by no means the top number for an animation this year – despicable me 2 debut gathered £14 . 82m , including £4 . 87m in previews in june – but it ' s a solid start for a film presumed to play to the christmas audience . family films targeting the christmas market have a knack of playing strongly right through until christmas eve , and if the festive association is not too strong can , continue to play beyond that date .
if bosworth proves to be “homefront’s” greatest surprise , sporting a meth addict’s wasted physique and a white - trash stridency that belies an inner canniness , franco qualifies as its biggest disappointment . though he brings a certain snarling menace to gator , he never really sinks his teeth into the role ( the way he did with his latter - day big bad wolf character in harmony korine’s “spring breakers” ) , and whatever private amusement slumming it as a one - dimensional ( and not very bright ) baddie may have held for the actor , it’s lost on the audience . mostly , franco just seems to be biding his time here , bored with the part and the movie that contains it .
i can ' t think of a better actor to deliver a line in a menacing , yet calm way , than jason statham does here . he is one of the contemporary action stars that audiences will go see without hesitation or worrying about the screenplay . the reason is because there are very few actors that can deliver their fight scenes as well as he does . audiences can feel every punch or kick from statham without the need of quick edits or shaky camera movements . unfortunately , the main problem with homefront is that director gary fleder ( kiss the girls , runaway jury ) didn ' t use his action skills as a means to improve the movie , but rather sticked to the usual…
released on a more modest 50 screens , the tighter rollout for kill your darlings doesn ' t appear to have done it many favours , with a weak opening just below £39 , 000 . daniel radcliffe fans who flocked to see him in the woman in black evidently were less enticed by the prospect of him as a young allen ginsberg , with dane dehaan , ben foster and jack huston playing other writers from the beat poet era . independent cinemas playing this film and nebraska were in for a double disappointment . saving mr banks ( the gentlest faller in the chart , down 31 % ) , the butler and philomena continue to offer crossover alternatives .
so how did homefront fare on the business side ? well , like red dawn , there was a lot of pre - release buzz and excitement . that was enough to give the game 375 , 000 in first - day sales in north america . overall , according to vgchartz , the game has sold about 2 . 36 million copies nationwide . that ' s not a bad take for a new franchise , but falls well short of sales in other military shooters such as the call of duty or battlefield series , and its pace to that number is a lot slower than other franchise starters such as 2009 ' s borderlands or 2007 ' s assassin ' s creed . still , that was enough to encourage a sequel , which is currently in development .
for the third weekend in a row , uk box - office is up on the equivalent frame from 2012 , on this occasion by an impressive 40 per cent . exactly a year ago , the market was becalmed as it waited for the arrival of the hobbit : an unexpected journey , and top title rise of the guardians was a relative underperformer . history looks likely to repeat itself with the arrival on friday of the hobbit : the desolation of smaug . the film has a sensational 9 . 2 / 10 approval rating from the early adopters who have registered their enthusiasm at imdb , and warners must be confident of a strong box - office performance . alternatives include a re - release of cinema paradiso and a festive offering called the christmas candle .
“it’s a bit like appalachia : you can go from two kids in a fistfight to the emergency room real fast , ” advises one concerned citizen in “ homefront , ” a tale of backwoods retribution that resembles roman polanski’s “carnage” transplanted to “deliverance” country , where feuding parents prefer outright war to wars of words . but what sounds like a veritable b - movie wet dream — with that master of the subzero scowl , jason statham , starring in a screenplay written by sylvester stallone — turns out to be considerably less than the sum of its parts : a listless programmer in the “walking tall” mode , minus the ebullient spark of statham’s “crank” and “transporter” franchises and stallone’s own “expendables” pics . offered as thanksgiving counter - programming by distrib open road , the pic may carve up modest biz with the shoot - your - own - turkey crowd , but should be available as a stocking stuffer by christmas .
the ever - prolific stallone ( who has “escape plan” still in theaters and “grudge match” due at year’s end ) adapted “ homefront ” from a novel by crime writer chuck logan — one in a series featuring the character of ex - minnesota cop phil broker — originally envisioning the project as a starring vehicle for himself before passing the torch to statham , who ably fills the character’s ass - kicking shoes . when we first meet him , broker is an undercover dea agent ( by way of interpol , so as to allow for the actor’s brit accent ) about to snag a gang of meth - running louisiana bikers , an op that ends with broker’s cover ( and several square blocks of shreveport ) blown sky - high , and the son of the gang honcho riddled with bullets . ( in a wry play on statham’s trademark shaven - headed appearance , the undercover broker sports a long , straggly mane of ’80s - style rocker hair . )
october ended on a winning note , but it was the only time the entire month that 2013 topped 2012 in the year - over - year comparison . this is quite shocking , as gravity crushed expectations with more than $ 200 million and counting . even with that surprise monster hit , the month still couldn ' t keep pace with last year . compared to october , november looks a lot better with three films that could be monster hits : frozen , thor : the dark world , and the hunger games : catching fire . on the other hand , those are the only three movies with a 50 / 50 chance or better to top $ 100 million compared , while there were seven films that reached that milestone last november . the hunger games : catching fire should make more than last year ' s number one film , skyfall , but the depth last year could prove too much to deal with . 2013 might dip below last year ' s pace sometime during the month , but hopefully it won ' t stay there too long . more . . .
st . louis has a little - known nuclear past as a uranium - processing center for the atomic bomb . government and corporate negligence led to the dumping of manhattan project uranium , thorium , and radium , thus contaminating north st . louis suburbs , specifically in two communities : those along coldwater creek , where residents have high rates of very rare cancers , birth defects , and various autoimmune disorders that are potentially linked to ionizing radiation poisoning ; and in bridgeton , adjacent to the west lake - bridgeton landfill , where an uncontrolled subsurface fire has been moving toward an area where the radioactive waste was buried . just moms stl , a group of mothers - turned - advocates , believes their communities are being poisoned and demands that the government either fully remove the waste or permanently relocate residents living nearest the landfill . at the same time , the grassroots organization coldwater creek — just the facts please is working to educate the community and healthcare professionals and to promote community inclusion in the radiation exposure compensation act . “atomic homefront” — from hbo documentary films — spotlights these citizen advocates , mostly women , who have mobilized to get answers , creating a powerful coalition that continues to fight for environmental justice .
movies and tv shows are certified fresh with a steady tomatometer of 75 % or higher after a set amount of reviews ( 80 for wide - release movies , 40 for limited - release movies , 20 for tv shows ) , including 5 reviews from top critics .
the screenplay for this violent retro schlock was written by sylvester stallone , and the movie feels like something out of the early eighties .
the deeper we go into this story , the more ridiculous the coincidences and plot twists .
everyone cast against type . everyone breathtakingly bad , reciting dialogue by sylvester stallone that begs for a
mute
button .
by making statham a regretful lawman , it neutralizes his main talent , effectively neutering him . it also telegraphs the kind of mostly watered - down movie we ' re about to see .
. . . a summation of action scenes , almost without rhyme or reason . [ full review in spanish ]
what sets the movie apart is the performance of franco . his turn as gator elevates the affair .
statham is not the english clint eastwood yet , but if someone fancied calling him dirty jason . . . who knows ?
you see the house ? that ' s my fuckin ' house , anyone who comes around it again will find me standin ' in it .
you see the house ? that ' s my fuckin house , anyone who comes around it again will find me standing in it . ' '
you see the house ? that ' s my fuckin house , anyone who comes around it again will find me standing in it . '
during a police raid on a drug den , there is sight of criminals being shot . there is also a scene in which a man has to fight off several attackers , resulting in some sight of bloody injuries . at one point a gun goes off during a struggle , causing a woman to fall to the floor with blood on her face and body .
there is frequent of use of strong language ( ' f * * k and motherf * * ker ' ) , as well some milder bad language ( eg ' ass ' , ' shit ' , ' bitch ' ) .
in one scene a man and woman engage in rear entry sex against a car .
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daily box office ( sun . ) | weekend box office ( jul . 6–8 ) | # 1 movie : ' ant - man and the wasp ' | showtimes
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a former dea agent moves his family to a quiet town , where he soon tangles with a local meth druglord .
jermaine fowler and omari hardwick of sorry to bother you take us back in time to the worst jobs of their careers .
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a thief with a unique code of professional ethics is double - crossed by his crew and left for dead . assuming a new disguise and forming an unlikely alliance with a woman on the inside , he looks to hijack the score of the crew ' s latest heist .
mei , a young girl whose memory holds a priceless numerical code , finds herself pursued by the triads , the russian mob , and corrupt nyc cops . coming to her aid is an ex - cage fighter whose life was destroyed by the gangsters on mei ' s trail .
homeless and on the run from a military court martial , a damaged ex - special forces soldier navigating london ' s criminal underworld seizes an opportunity to assume another man ' s identity - - transforming into an avenging angel in the process .
follows an elite hit man as he teaches his trade to an apprentice who has a connection to one of his previous victims .
a tough cop is dispatched to take down a serial killer who has been targeting police officers .
when his mentor is taken captive by a disgraced arab sheik , a killer - for - hire is forced into action . his mission : kill three members of britain ' s elite special air service responsible for the death of his sons .
when a las vegas bodyguard with lethal skills and a gambling problem gets in trouble with the mob , he has one last play . . . and it ' s all or nothing .
bishop thought he had put his murderous past behind him , until his most formidable foe kidnaps the love of his life . now he is forced to complete three impossible assassinations , and do what he does best : make them look like accidents .
frank martin puts the driving gloves on to deliver valentina , the kidnapped daughter of a ukrainian government official , from marseilles to odessa on the black sea . en route , he has to contend with thugs who want to intercept valentina ' s safe delivery and not let his personal feelings get in the way of his dangerous objective .
professional assassin chev chelios learns his rival has injected him with a poison that will kill him if his heart rate drops .
an fbi agent seeks vengeance on a mysterious assassin known as
rogue
who murdered his partner .
frank is hired to
transport
packages for unknown clients and has made a very good living doing so . but when asked to move a package that begins moving , complications arise .
phil broker is a former dea agent who has gone through a crisis after his actions against a biker gang went horribly wrong and it cost the life of his bosses son . he is recently widowed and is left with a 9 year old daughter , maddy . he decides to quit the turbulent and demanding life of thrill for maddy ' s sake and retires to a small town . his daughter fights off a boy who is bullying her at school , and this sets in motion a round of events that end in his direct confrontation with the local meth drug lord . his past history with the biker gang also enters the arena , making matters more complex . but he has a mission in his mind to protect his daughter and he is ready to pay any cost that it demands .
rated r for strong violence , pervasive language , drug content and brief sexuality .
cyrus hanks has a tattoo of a one percent on the right side of his neck , the same as the one percenters bike gang ' s tattoo in the movie 21 jump street ( 2012 ) .
' s character is credited as
sheriff keith rodrigue
but his uniform ' s name plate says
rodriguez
.
while this may not be a great movie , and it had some boring spots , it definitely delivers on action , what i ' m sure most of us came to see . jason statham is bad * * s as usual , kicking a * * and taking names like it ' s nobody ' s business . james franco is great as the main bad guy . izabela vidovic was also great as statham ' s character ' s daughter , i can definitely see her appearing in many more movies in the future . i liked how it seems like the whole town is in on something , conspiring against statham ' s character for whatever their reasons are , i was really interested to see what was going to happen next . while not perfect , this is pretty much your typical jason statham movie ( that ' s a good thing ) , with a nice father - daughter relationship thrown in . worth watching for anyone who enjoys watching jason statham repeatedly beating the crap out of various assorted scumbags .
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jason statham squares off against poor white trash in an old sylvester stallone script that should have stayed on the shelf . twitter
jason statham , james franco and winona ryder star in the script penned by sylvester stallone , originally pitched as the final chapter to the rambo saga .
the ham - fisted script , based on a novel by chuck logan , was written some years ago by none other than sylvester stallone as a prospective final chapter to the rambo saga . the way it ' s turned out here is more reminiscent of some bad good - ol ' - boy 1976 melodrama that could have starred jan - michael vincent and joe don baker and involved rednecks mightily suspicious of the outsider who ' s come to live in their midst .
a couple of years later , broker is living with his bright young 10 - year - old daughter maddy ( isabela vidovic ) in rural rayville , la ( a real town , conveniently just down the road a piece from that hollywood of the south , shreveport ) . her mother having died the year before , maddy has been receiving self - defense tips from her macho dad , and while he ' s trying to figure out whether to settle on an east end or southern accent , she retaliates to bullying from a schoolyard fatso by punching him out .
fatso ' s skinny mother cassie ( kate bosworth ) doesn ' t cotton to this at all , even though her kid started it , and when she can ' t get her no - account husband ( frank grillo ) to exact justice , she sics her brother gator on broker , which means trouble since gator is the meanest and wiliest creature in the bayou as well as its most prolific drug dealer .
since his house sits vulnerably in the middle of nowhere and the locals clearly haven ' t been taught how to let go of a grudge - - ”can ' t you go over there and do something ! ? ” cassie screams at her brother—broker mans up and apologizes for his daughter ' s brutality . the down - home boys respond to this gentlemanliness by repeatedly trying to beat broker up . this results in a succession of fight scenes—always with multiple guys ganging up on him - - so incoherently staged and shot that you don ' t even get a clear view of statham doing what he does best , which is to roll his kick - boxing , martial arts and punching skills into entertainingly bone - crunching mayhem .
stallone ' s milking of the child endangerment angle is shameless ; this is script - writing by diagram , with cassie and her clan blowing everything preposterously out of proportion just to create a melodramatic threat that will rouse broker to action in protecting his daughter . most of the baddies are such bottom - feeders that you know they pose no real threat and that includes winona ryder ' s former biker girl who gets roped into the plot against the two interlopers .
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buy advance tickets via brown paper tickets . online sales are limited to full - price tickets only with an additional per - ticket service charge . pick up tickets purchased in advance at the will - call table at the venue .
3547 olive street , suite 260 st . louis , mo 63103 - 1000 tel : 314 - 289 - 4150
' s ambitious misstep , the star has some nice , relaxed moments with onscreen daughter izabela vidovic , and gets to fulfil half his audience ' s fantasies in wiping the smirk from james franco ' s face .
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phil broker has had enough of the demanding duties of a dea agent . he brings his young daughter to a small town , looking for a quiet life . but people in this town , as he learns , don ' t easily forgive any past transgressions - - such as when his daughter fights off a bully at school . this attracts the wrath of the bully ' s uncle , a meth cooker and dealer , and his gang . things become dicier when people involved in the last major bust he participated in , track him to the small town . but phil has a secret : he ' s a dark occult wizard who can wave his hands and bespeak the terrible words of darkest sorcery :
hazafa kyahapp !
and afflict people with the dreaded and fearsome halfa kadapp disease . against such sorceries , mere men are helpless . now phil is angry , and ready to unleash the plague of halfa kadapp disease against those who would try to get at him and his beloved daughter .
dea agent phil broker goes undercover as a biker in a gang led by danny t . after the dea invade the bar the bikers reside in , danny and his son jojo flee . though danny is arrested , jojo is shot by phil and commits suicide by cop . phil later on quits the dea . two years later , phil and his daughter maddy move to a small town , where maddy ' s deceased mother grew up , and phil begins a contracting business with his friend teedo . maddy goes to the local school and gets into an altercation with her classmate , teddy klum . maddy breaks teddy ' s nose and phil is called in by school counselor susan , along with teddy ' s parents cassie and jimmy . phil gets into a fight with jimmy and an enraged cassie asks her brother , the drug dealer morgan bodine , to scare phil .
phil defeats three fo gator ' s men at a gas station . gator later on enters phil ' s house and steals maddy ' s cat and stuffed animal . while searching the house , gator discovers phil to be a former cop and the man responsible for danny ' s capture . teddy befriends maddy and is invited to her birthday party , but nevertheless , gator contacts his ex - girlfriend sheryl about broker , who in turn informs danny ' s lawyer , who tells an imprisoned danny . cyrus hanks , a hitman for danny ' s gang , decides to kill phil . phil confronts gator and later on enters his house , but is captured by gator ' s thugs . however , phil escapes and returns to his house , where he asks teedo to help him and maddy escape the town .
cyrus ' crew arrives at phil ' s house and a fight ensues . maddy is hidden in the basement while phil and teedo take out cyrus ' gang . however , teedo is shot by cyrus , who is impaled by phil . maddy is then abducted by sheryl and phil chases after the two using a police car . cassie and sheryl arrive at gator ' s warehouse , and a booby trap is set off , causing the warehouse to explode . cassie is shot by gator , who flees onto a bridge , followed by phil . phil ' s car flips over and gator uses the opportunity to attempt to shoot him , but is distracted by maddy . phil then defeats gator , but spares his life . gator and sheryl and arrested while cassie and teedo are hospitalized . phil later on visits danny in prison , telling him that when danny gets out , he will be waiting for him .
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