200 motels is a 1971 american-british musical surrealist film cowritten and directed by frank zappa and tony palmer and starring the mothers of invention , theodore bikel and ringo starr .

a soundtrack album was released in the same year , with a slightly different selection of music .

in 2009 , 200 motels was restored with an audio commentary by tony palmer and is currently available on an england-sourced for-retail dvd .

200 motels

200 motels promotional radio spots | cut 4
frank zappa ' s 200 motels . . .
( 0 : 13 )
19 . cut 4
frank zappa ' s 200 motels . . .
19 . cut 4 ' frank zappa ' s 200 motels . . . '
here is a link to understanding 200 motels , a nice little guide by marcello .
frank zappa - the true story of 200 motels - full movie doc . - youtube
mix - frank zappa - the true story of 200 motels - full movie doc .
? frank zappa - 200 motels ( 2 lps w / booklet ) ( a . dunbar
frank zappa 200 motels tmoq records w / zubin mehta l . a . philharmonic near mint
it ' s frank zappa 200 motels . keith moon is just a character in the movie .
since 200 motels was unavailable on cd for so long , several bootleg cds have been issued .
see also notes on the album frank zappa ' s 200 motels ( united artists , 1971 ) .
q : something specific . . . well , what was the point of putting out 200 motels ?
, the 200 motels press kit , and st . alphonzo ' s pancake homepage , with corrections from
tom troccoli ,
200 motels . the ' complete ' epic ,
society pages # 5 , 1991
net benefit : under $ 4000 . 00 net loss : all unused scenes from
200 motels
.
looking for movie tickets ? enter your location to see which movie theaters are playing 200 motels near you .
? frank zappa - 200 motels ( u . a . 29 . 218 ) 2 lps ( france )
200 motels promotional radio spots | cut 1
coming soon ! . . .
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200 motels promotional radio spots | cut 3
coming soon ! . . .
( 0 : 31 )
in 1970 frank zappa went to united artists films with a proposal for an absurd project called
200 motels
.
200 motels promotional radio spots | cut 2
the wide screen erupts . . .
( 0 : 58 )
200 motels is one of zappa´s least loved albums . even many of his diehard fans consider 200 motels to be a disaster . allthough this is not my favorite zappa album either , i find some of the material really enjoyable and let us not forget that there are many songs on 200 motels that later became
hits
in zappa live shows .
it was in 1998 , gail remembers , that the process of resurrecting the fully orchestrated version of 200 motels really began .
this bit of folklore ( based on a true story ) was part of the original
200 motels
plot continuity .
frank zappa - the true story of 200 motels . * * * * * copyrights : all rights reserved to the autors .
200 motels also dealt with the problems of people who wished they were part of the group , but faced rejection for various reasons .
the orchestral music used in 200 motels was composed over a five - year period . some of it originated with this performance in 1968 .
tony guilfoyle in frank zappa ' s 200 motels at the royal festival hall as part of the rest is noise festival . photograph : chris christodoulou
200 motels trivia : filmed in the same studio as 2001 : a space odyssey ( 1968 ) . the black monolith from that film is visible .
so , though i fall squarely with the defenders of letterboxing , 200 motels is not the best example of what mr . censorship is talking about .
in march 1971 , frank , gail and calvin returned [ from england ] . calvin immediately got down to animated work for 200 motels with fred wolf .
jim farber ,
letter from l . a . : the philharmonic checks in , 200 motels ,
san francisco classical voice , october 21 , 2013
the only footage of the first trial run of cal schenkel ' s penis mobile . this scene never made it into the final version of 200 motels .
royal opera house ; barbican ; royal festival hall , london berg ' s great opera confounds and dazzles . and frank zappa ' s 200 motels finally rocks…
rykodisc used zappa ' s original 2 - track stereo master tape to create the 200 motels compact disc . so when listening to the rykodisc 200 motels compact disc you are listening , for good or for bad , to an exact copy of this 1971 2 - track stereo master which zappa delivered to united artists .
200 motels
was rated
r
in america , however , in that
foreign country
, england , it received an
x
.
you may like the movie or not . you may like the album or not . but 200 motels was certainly a major event in zappa ' s career .
at one point during production , mr . palmer demanded that his name be removed from the credits of
200 motels
, out of concern for his career .
the l . a . phil’s premiere will be followed by a second reading of “200 motels” by the bbc concert orchestra oct . 29 at london’s royal festival hall .
this is the only surviving footage of the hideous little cubicle in london where
200 motels
was edited ( manually , without cmx or other post production tools ) .
( discussing the film of
200 motels
, a two - hour musical which united artists have agreed to back on a budget of $ 630 , 000 ) .
the history of frank zappa’s “200 motels” is much like its composer ; enigmatic and riddled with disparate dimensions . originally culled from various musical scribblings written while on tour , and later , converted into a multimedia , surrealist rock symphony for film and stage , the legacy of “200 motels” has largely stemmed from its cinematic and recorded incarnations . [ … ]
fz : normally , you see musical on , in a movie , and everybody is mimicing to a playback tape , and there ' s none of that on 200 motels .
jeff ' s wife breena convinced him to walk out on his role in
200 motels
because he was
too heavy to be in this group . . .
rykodisc 200 motels promo cd : double jewel case - has an orange , black and white cover that says
sneak preview - frank zappa ' s 200 motels
. the back cover says
promotion only - not for sale
and the insert is a single sheet with the original cover artwork in black and white on one side and release date info on the other side . the cds contain all of 200 motels , but none of the bonus tracks or the computer enhancements . catalogue # rcd 10513 / 14 adv .
of greater note was gail ' s claim that she recorded tony palmer threatening to burn the master tapes for 200 motels , which she wants to include on a future cd release .
and if you do dig 200 motels , be sure to search out tony palmer ' s mind blowing documentary on igor stravinsky , called once at a border . tony actually uses some of the same visual effects from 200 motels during the musical portions of the documentary . in the us it was released some 5 , or 6 years ago on the kulture label .
the late rock iconoclast frank zappa ' s wildly irreverent work ' 200 motels ' will get its first full staging as part of disney hall ' s 10 - year birthday party .
200 motels video released in the usa and in europe through warner home video . it is available subtitled in german and french , at least . 96 minutes . hi - fi mono .
ringo was very much the nice fellow himself during the filming of
200 motels .
hanging out in the pub at pinewood with the lot of us , like one of the guys .
fz : well , there ' s talk about doing 200 motels on vpro television and at that time i was thinking about living here for a month prior to the production of the show .
as howard kaylan explains in the true story of 200 motels video ,
he plays a version of himself as frank sees him
. it so happens with don preston and mark volman .
but
200 motels
the concert is not an attempt to replicate or adapt
200 motels
the movie , which is now streaming on netflix . excising rock , country and soul music numbers played on the soundtrack album by the mothers alone , it aims to corral and perform the entire orchestral and choral score that zappa had written but lacked the budget or time to realize .
using takes and rehearsals discarded from the original edit plus interviews made during the shooting , zappa reconstructs the bizarre story of 200 motels , one of the most problematic . . . see full synopsis »
the
story
in 200 motels is about how touring makes you crazy . it is also about how everyoody in the mothers always wants to quit the group and play
real music
.
tony guilfoyle , top left , as frank , richard strange as narrator / rance and claron mcfaddon as soprano in frank zappa ' s 200 motels at the royal festival hall . photograph : chris christodoulou
st2 has the exclusive license to release the mgm / rykodisc ost / titles in brazil . and the first was 200 motels , 1997 . you can see more info at ( in portuguese ) :
ladies and gentlemen , you can go mad on the road . that is precisely what this film is all about .
- a voice , probably frank zappa ' s , in
200 motels
i watched 200 motels shortly after release and , if memory serves , it was 4 : 3 . the quality was poor for a large screen as well , though i have no complaints about the tape .
most of the orchestral sketches were done in motel and hotel rooms around the world during early mothers tours , hence the movie title
200 motels
( based on an estimate of the actual number ) .
you hear the voice of fz saying :
touring can make you crazy , ladies and gentleman , that ' s what 200 motels is all about
. then the mothers perform
mystery roach
.
mastered from poor late sources - both video and film damage is visible , the picture has been ' stretched ' - and with a very poor quality soundtrack , frank zappa ' s 200 motels . . .
in attempting to summarize the infamous history of frank zappa’s 200 motels , three quotes mentioned in amos vogel’s book , film as a subversive art , come to mind which also address early malignment of the film .
on the surface , frank zappa’s 200 motels is a tapestry of stream of conscious vignettes chronicling how “touring can make you crazy” , blurring life on the road into a nightmare of conformity and narrow - mindedness .
the original 200 motels shooting script contained a list of musical numbers , including orchestration . the corresponding scene numbers have been added in parentheses . the comments between square brackets are from charles ulrich , who provided this list .
the true story of 200 motels excellent documentary released by zappa himself using footage originally filmed by peter bos and created by roelof kiers for the superb 1970
piknk in la
vpro - dutch tv documentary . 60 minutes .
nice of them to give the late lucy offerall ' s norgs their own chapter . tony palmer most likely remembers a few of these titles from the court case in 1975 when he defended 200 motels against accusations of obscenity .
unlike some of the other ryko releases ( which were just restickered in their australian editions ) , australia seems to have been blessed with some bizarre , multi - national hybrid for
200 motels .
geoff pointer explains :
as has been mentioned a couple of times , 200 motels was shot on video and transferred to film . therefore , it ' s a safe bet to say that its original aspect ratio was the standard television near - square .
for the music’s ribald , bawdy lyrics , which caused a live performance of 200 motels to be banned from the royal albert hall in 1971 , goethe wrote to johann eckermann , “only the perverse fantasy can still save us . ”
his next big cinemascope rajah project is an orchestra symphony , 200 motels . he scored the entire thing for a 40 - piece orchestra , and holland television will premier it this autumn . the whole scene is amazing . the government station is handing over the entire studios , narrators , dancers , editing equipment , sets , and chorus girls , to zappa to present this , which , in essence , is a diary of a band . ( get it ? 200 motels ? )
200 motels has no particular focal point , being principally an anthology of poor jokes and spectacular audio - visual effects , a few of which might expand the mind , but all of which , taken together , are like an overdose of novocain .
penis dimension
is one of the songs from our forthcoming united artists feature length motion picture that we just got the money for today , called 200 motels . due in some sleazy drive - in about november 1 , the next year .
200 motels was finally re - released on cd in 1997 . zappa never owned the rights to release it , but ryko finally managed to negotiate a release . it remained in print until circa 2002 , when it was deleted from the catalogue .
and now i understand they ' re using a print of 200 motels as their sample reel to interest other film makers . i ' ve heard that at least three other films are getting ready to go into production in england using the same technique .
stills from zappa ' s own super 8 footage of tvr during the editing of 200 motels . top : the rancid boutique and martin lickert eating the ' mystery burger ' visible on the vt screens . bottom : tony palmer clowning for the camera .
the party is being held at 5 . 30 on the dot , right after shooting ends on zappa ' s
200 motels ,
the movie that is going to spill the beans on what it is like to be a group on the road .
the orchestra for 200 motels is quite large and fills almost the entire stage ,
darrah points out .
it also includes a battery of percussion instruments that ' s one of the largest ever assembled . so space is at a premium .
the history of frank zappa ’s “200 motels” is much like its composer ; enigmatic and riddled with disparate dimensions . originally culled from various musical scribblings written while on tour , and later , converted into a multimedia , surrealist rock symphony for film and stage , the legacy of “200 motels” has largely stemmed from its cinematic and recorded incarnations . the 1971 film version is a bizarre , hallucinatory slab of cult kitsch , while its double - lp soundtrack exists more as a kaleidoscopic curio than a full - fledged album statement .
the film was made in london because the royal philharmonic ' s fee considerably undercut american orchestras . after its release in late 1971 , zappa pretty much put
200 motels
behind him — except for his lawsuit against the royal albert hall , whose management abruptly canceled a february 1971 concert of the piece , having deemed it obscene . the case came to trial in 1975 , the judge ruling that
200 motels
was not obscene and that the hall had violated its contract but that zappa deserved no compensation .
despite being played across the world , the music for 200 motels was never performed in britain . but after years of negotiation with the zappa estate it will get its first airing as part of the southbank centre ' s the rest is noise festival this autumn .
after a year - and - a - half of scheming for money , frank zappa took his cherished proposal for 200 motels to united artists with a folio including a ten - page treatment , two boxes of tape , and some clippings of the group . united artists gave zappa $ 650 , 000 to finish the project . frank was angling to premiere the whole masterpiece on dutch tv for his next tour , but that never panned out . 200 motels was shot on videotape in england , then blown up to 35mm .
200 motels is not just a movie . it ' s a whole concept that involves the music , the filming event , the characters , etc . it ' s about life on the road , and has a lot of conceptual continuity ( cc ) in it .
in a little over an hour , ' video from hell ' provides a preview of current and projected honker releases , including ' baby snakes ' , ' the true story of 200 motels ' and ' uncle meat ' ( all 1987 . . . see full summary »
the wide screen erupts with absurdities , explodes with spine tingling psychological terror . the mere human mind buggles at the philosophical implications as frank zappa ' s 200 motels is unleashed in the totality of its pagan splendor . its primordial fury . star - studded cast . . . and everything
i was approached by the holland festival . they asked if they could do 200 motels ; i told them that i didn ' t have a score or the parts . i also told them it would probably be prohibitively expensive to put it all together . but they were determined .
i’d recommend you put down this magazine and put on some frank zappa right now – maybe the soundtrack to 200 motels or one of the two albums i mentioned earlier ( ‘hot rats’ and ‘we’re only in it for the money’ ) . but don’t watch this film unless you really have to .
to hear what the 200 motels soundtrack album might sound like if it were ever to be completely remixed from the original multitracks using today ' s technologies , you can hear a zappa stereo remix of
semi - fraudulent / direct - from - hollywood overture
made from these original multitracks used as a music bed at the conclusion of the honker the true story of 200 motels home video . the difference in quality between the stereo mix zappa prepared in 1971 for the united artists soundtrack album and the one zappa prepared for this honker home video some fifteen years later is simply stunning .
200 motels
is not the kind of movie you have to see more than once . it is the kind of movie you can barely see once : not because it ' s simple , but became it ' s so complicated that you finally realize you aren ' t meant to get everything and sort everything out . it is a full wall of sight - and - sound input , and the experience of the input - - not its content , is what zappa ' s giving us .
200 motels
is out of howard johnson by tinker bell , with aquarius setting .
an enormous muddle , just like the film it ' s a soundtrack for , the 200 motels soundtrack combines some very challenging orchestral work with spoken word parts from the film and more conventional songs - many of which are pretty inferior stuff , as far as zappa ' s back catalogue is concerned .
while the concert is billed as a world premiere , an earlier iteration of the full
200 motels
orchestral score was performed in 2000 in amsterdam . the netherlands philharmonic orchestra had approached gail zappa about doing the piece two years earlier , prompting extensive detective work to put its sheet music in order .
zappateers : there has been some speculation amongst zappa fans about a potential dvd release of 200 motels . is this anything you could shed any light on ? tony palmer : keep your fingers crossed—we are doing our best ! we have now found the master tapes , so are looking into the potential contractural problems .
on february 1st , [ . . . ] shooting begins at pinewood studios for the film ' 200 motels ' . it has a one week schedule and should be finished by february 8 , when i hope to have a concert at the albert hall to perform some of the musical parts of the movie .
on the information sheet that comes with the promo 200 motels cd there ' s a weird record number . it says
. . . and limited edition superlative box rcd 90513 / 14
. i e - mailed rykodisc and they told me that the box was never made , and never will be .
in the complete ( unfilmed : see true story of 200 motels for details ) version of the original shooting script for 200 motels , we actually see the monolith quite a bit more . it looms throughout . at the very end of the film ( as written ) , the extreme close - up of fz ' s eye is supposed pull back so that we see the monolith behind him . as the monolith comes into focus we see for the first time that it is in fact fz ' s marshall amp and speaker cabinet stack ! he reaches over , flicks the stand - by switch , and the credits roll .
it looks as if this movie was almost re - released in 1997 . that fall , ryko was releasing soundtrack discs to many of the movies that mgm / ua was re - releasing . according to a rolling stone press release from 9 / 20 / 1997 , 200 motels the movie was slated for release :
this is the third film i have planned . the first , ' captain beefheart vs . the grunt people ' never got into production . the second , ' uncle meat ' , remains at my house unfinished , but parts of it will be utilised for ' 200 motels ' . tony palmer will handle the direction .
these new topics ( groupies and life on the road ) obsessed zappa in those days , as his following releases proved : chunga ' s revenge , fillmore east , 200 motels & just another band form la . zappa even planned to release a book about groupies ( the groupie papers ) , which he never did .
200 motels is a gargantuan waste of time and effort . what was zappa ' s problem in the 70 ' s ? i loved ' we ' re only in it for the money ' but he just seemed to have no quality control on his output after this . far too many albums without consideration to posterity .
200 motels is also mentioned in
teen - age wind
on you are what you is ( 1981 ) ;
the worst reviews
on playground psychotics ( 1992 ) ;
strictly genteel
on chicago ' 78 ( 2016 ) ; and them or us ( the book ) ( 1984 ) p . 18 .
200 motels is frank zappa ' s outrageous , psychedelic precursor to today ' s rock videos—his hilarious response to the burning question of what to do with road - wrecked musicians . should they rip off the motel ' s towels and ashtrays or merely quit the group ? dare they rebel against the tyranny of the merciless zappa ?
200 motels was shot in seven days and after only five days of rehearsal : pamela miller commented ' the movie seemed to be over in seconds because frank was using videotape . ' it was filmed on four silmutaneously running video cameras . one third of the 320 - page script was never shot . [ . . . ]
re : 200 motels - you need a good slomo and freeze frame to spot it . it ' s toward the beginning , i ' m shirtless and wrapping toilet paper that frank gave me around the other people ' s necks . i remember frank saying ,
great ! we have a non conformist in our group !
strong words indeed - not that they achieved very much , mind you . perhaps because they weren ' t answerable to an overseas parent company in quite the same way that emi , cbs ( now sony ) , phonogram and the other australian record companies obviously are , festival blithely continued to censor records indiscriminately for many years after the 200 motels debacle ( as anyone who subsequently bought copies of ian dury ' s new boots & panties or marianne faithfull ' s broken english will testify ) . paradoxically , twenty - four years down the track , overseas collectors are now keen to pay $ 50 or more for clean copies of the censored aussie version of 200 motels .
[ . . . ] with 200 motels , he and his associates insisted on and got a deal from united artists whereby they and they alone are responsible for all the public relations and merchandizing connected with the film . ua , who financed and are distributing the film , can do nothing in the way of publicizing or promoting it without zappa ' s approval . and thus far at least , every line of copy , every picture , every radio and television commercial to be released for 200 motels has come straight from the man himself . in an industry where the money men are notoriously unresponsive to the ideas and wishes of their creative underlings , it ' s something of an unprecedented situation .
. 200 motels is frank zappa ' s outrageous , psychedelic precursor to today ' s rock videos - his hilarious response to the burning question of what to do with road - wrecked musicians . should they rip off the motel ' s towels and ashtrays or merely quit the group ? dare they rebel against the tyranny of the merciless zappa ?
200 motels is the soundtrack to the film of the same name , in which the mothers of invention go crazy in the small town of centerville , and their bassist , jeff ( a parody of actual mothers bassist jeff simmons ) going crazy due to marijuana and leaving the band ( which the actual jeff did shortly before the film’s production ) .
i clearly remember a thread from way back when called
200 motels— missing the cartoon
—ostensibly about some version of the 200 motels movie without the illegal donald duck cartoon , presumably for disney reasons . was there ever such a cut version ? i ' ve only seen it on vhs , two different copies ( i have the ld , but haven ' t watched it ) , and they both had the cartoon . has anyone seen it without the cartoon ? the cartoon seems like the funniest thing in the whole world right now , and i can ' t remember what was decided in the original thread ; it was years ago and the urltoken archives don ' t go back that far !
the only thing that made me want to retreat back to the jazz world was 200 motels . i was still really straight then . i didn ' t have a big sense of humor . even now , 200 motels is the weirdest thing i ' ve ever done in my life . it was so strange , i almost can ' t explain it . it was just very weird to be a straight - laced , thin - black - tie - wearing cat , with all these grungy hippies , for lack of a better word . but i loved it , because i knew i had something to learn , and these guys were incredible musicians . and frank did bring out my sense of humor .
fz : well , really that ' s about what it comes down to , but as far as coming in being high and trying to get a lot out of 200 motels , go and see it without being high , and try and figure out what ' s going on , and i think that you ' ll have a better experience with it .
# 3 . in fact , there were two versions of mystery roach intended for 200 motels , and this version is neither of them . mystery roach # 1 ( band version ) is very much of an acoustic
folk - rock
song . you can see and just barely hear this version for all of fifteen to twenty seconds in the true story of 200 motels . mystery roach # 2 ( solo version ) , indeed was to have been sung solo by
jeff
( martin lickert ) , just before smoking the vile - foamy - liquid cigarette he ' d just procured from dom dewild , after which he proceeds to
steal the room
. what can i say about this elixir ? !
the character opal in
lonesome cowboy burt
would later be mentioned again during
teenage wind
on you are what you is ( 1980 ) , where the lines
where ' s my waitress ?
is also mentioned again . the character in
teenage wind
also says he
could go to a midnight show of
200 motels
. in the same song the teenager protagonist wants to go to a midnight show of
200 motels
. opal would also reappear on the album thing fish ( 1984 ) . on
no , not now
on ship arriving too late to save a drowning witch ( 1982 )
cowboy pants
and a
waitress
are mentioned again .
plot : a precocious 6 - year - old and her friends are homeless , living in extended - stay motels , but their summer is still filled with childhood wonder and adventure .
a long time ago , someone asked a trivia question about the cover of 200 motels , essentially looking for the three elements on the cover that are references to other films . i effectively found the shadow above the newt on the building on the left hand side of the cover / poster . at the time , i had noticed a fetus sucking its thumb just to the right of the shadow , but didn ' t know what to make of it ; i knew it wasn ' t from 200 motels , but couldn ' t place it . well , i looked back on the poster today , and , shucky - darn , if that ain ' t the monolith from 2001 sitting right there behing the penis dimension march .
frank zappa vowed never to return to britain unless he got an apology from the queen after the royal albert hall cancelled a musical performance of his notorious film score 200 motels in 1971 . zappa did eventually return to the uk but died without getting an apology from anybody . now there will be redress of a kind when the show is finally given its uk premiere .
forty years ago today , london’s royal albert hall canceled a scheduled frank zappa performance over what venue representatives determined were obscene lyrics in the soundtrack to zappa’s concert film - cum - tour fantasy 200 motels , which had come out a few months before . we’re still surprised it took them that long to figure it out . zappa sued for breach of contract but lost .
the soundtrack for frank zappa ' s film 200 motels features zappa ' s work with an orchestra , and the chunga ' s revenge . as far as composition , zappa getting an orchestra is great , and there are plenty of songs here . some songs are repeated differently however . anyways , the concept of life on the road . . . ( read more )
zappa
never mentioned ' 200 motels ' once during my seven years with him ,
recalled scott thunes , who played electric bass in his band through 1988 — the end of zappa ' s touring days .
that said , we ended almost every concert with ' strictly genteel , ' so maybe he harbored a little bit of ' someday ' wistfulness .
. . . the whole 40 minute sequence that we perform of 200 motels was learned in about 50 hours , like 10 days , five hours a day , in a rehearsal hall . scheduled from say 4 pm til 9 pm , just go down there and hit it . there ' s a liquor store next floor , get a bottle of brandy . . .
this is a single - lp issue of 200 motels ( united artists uas 7045 ) , and comes in a single sleeve ( no fold - out ) . the colour of the label is beige , just like the original us release ( uas 9956 ) . the label states :
( p ) february , 1972 .
the front cover is the same as uas 9956 .
it _ is _ , however , a stunning example of how far ahead fz was thinking in 1971 . there were only a handful of shot - on - video transfers in that era , and the others were all pretty much photographed stage plays . i contend that 200 motels took better advantage of available video technology than anything else you ' ll see from the circa - 1970 era .
but to my 200 motels issue , my copy seems to have been pressed onto absurdly thick and heavy vinyl because my turntable canít get the platter up to 33 1 / 3 rpm to play the damn thing ! i was wondering if anyone else has heard of this issue as this is the only heavy vinyl pressing that i have that seems to be heavy enough to cause a problem .
yup , me & chas swenson ( and the ink & paint dept . at murikami / wolf ) . i designed it , chuck animated . ( except where chuck designed & i animated ) . we did it in 8 weeks on a budget of $ 200 . 00 . . . or was it 2 weeks on $ 800 . 00 ? ? —no wait that can ' t be right . . . . . . 8 weeks , i made $ 200 . 00 a week . or maybe it was that we spent $ 200 . 00 a week at vj ' s .
[ . . . ] i never played any live gigs with the mothers , and i suppose that is one reason that they are still held in such high regard . we were supposed to play the albert hall directly after the filming of 200 motels , but the gig was cancelled after the orchestra complained to the albert hall about the bad language . we got as far as the steps .
back in the mid - seventies , verve records inexplicably pulled all of the early frank zappa albums out of print . united artists quickly followed suit with this , the soundtrack album for zappa ' s controversial movie . for , this made things difficult . this was the same time i was trying to buy all the zappa records i could find .
200 motels
was the most elusive .
i don ' t think 200 motels is compressed nearly as much as pat says ( nor , for that matter , is it as compressed as many of zappa ' s own remasters ) . it isn ' t ideal , but it ' s still a great release . and while that counterfeit bootleg set is quite nice , it does have audible surface noise in several of the quieter passages .
as 200 motels was shot direct to video , using the same ratio as standard tv , there ' s no need for letter - boxing . there is no ' wide - screen ' version . i ' ve seen 200 motels in theaters many times . i was there opening day at the beverly music box theater ( it ' s not there anymore , and i think this was the name ) in beverly hills , and until home video came around , every possible revival . it is direct to video . the ratio was that of a typical tv screen ( isn ' t that 1x1 . 3 or something ? ) . in truth , i think it looks a little better on the small screen . the lines of resolution are far less apparant than they were on the big screen .
the arrangement of 200 motels , the suites—one of the performances with which the holland festival honors frank zappa—was an ' emotional ' task . ' suddenly i am in the same shoes as i used to be in . i must think the way he did . ' but there are also moments that she realizes that it is all high comedy anyway . ' what are we talking about ? holland ! '
touring can make you crazy
, announces ex - beatle ringo starr at the start of the movie ,
and that ' s what 200 motels is all about
. so prepare youself for an explosion of outrageous , fast and furious humor , zany satire and extraordinary visual invention in a riveting musical fantasy of the seventies which makes most of today ' s pop videos look tame by comparison .
200 motels 2 - cd released through rykodisc in 1997 . includes the complete 1970 2 - lp album , the booklet , the movie poster , the single version of
magic fingers
, the promotional radio spots and an enhanced track with the movie trailer . this was the only album that zappa did own the rights to . the zappa family had to buy the rights from mgm for the cd release .
it’s all about timing . a group of alumni and a professor from the ucla school of theater , film and television ( tft ) can agree on that as they worked together to stage the world premiere of frank zappa’s 200 motels , with the los angeles philharmonic orchestra . the production of the self - taught musician and composer’s work was part of the celebration of the tenth anniversary of walt disney concert hall .
zappa ' s mixture of mediums - - rock , electronic music , the royal philharmonic , dance , overlapping visuals - - pushes the videotape process almost to its extremes . zappa ' s kind of mixture isn ' t new ( harry partch ' s
celebrations on the courthouse square ,
an experimental 1962 stage production , anticipates everything in
200 motels
) . but mixing it on film is new .
i had been typing various versions of the script for 200 motels for over a year , and in november 1970 frank submitted a ten - page treatment to united artists . he convinced them that by using video tape instead of film , several cameras at once instead of one , he could shoot the film in a week . there was no disguising his pleasure when they agreed and put up $ 360 , 000 .
i have another film project that i was shopping around and we managed to get a budget from united artists to finish that one . we ' re going to shoot it in january and february in england , and it ' s called 200 motels . it has to be delivered to united artists by november 1st of next year for a christmas release . its budget is $ 630 , 000 . [ . . . ]
financed by united artists to the tune of half a million dollars , 200 motels was shot using innovative video technology at pinewood studios in england with the royal philharmonic orchestra [ . . . ] . jeff simmons quit half - way through and was replaced by martin lickert , ringo starr ' s chauffeur . [ . . . ] theodore bikel , the austrian folk singer managed by herbie cohen , was the uniformed mc .
200 motels is probably the hardest zappa album to find . it was never released on cd before 1997 , and even that single cd release is out of print since 2002 , so you have to be very lucky to find this . but if you do , trust me , it ' s a very good album . i like it because it features all side of zappa ' s . . . ( read more )
on may 15 , 1970 , the l . a . phil teamed with zappa and an expanded , nine - piece version of the mothers of invention for a concert centering on excerpts from
200 motels
at ucla ' s pauley pavilion . zappa was so eager to have his orchestral music performed that he shelled out $ 42 , 000 in today ' s money to have sheet music prepared for nearly 100 orchestra players .
today i picked up a copy of 200 motels ( united artists uas 9956 ) . it comes from india ! it has no
real
information about the year of release , only the copyright ( c ) 1971 inside the gatefold sleeve . the label is beige and has : made in india by the gramophone co . of india ltd . the cover , which consists of very thick cardboard , has been made by eagle litho . the vinyl itself is also very heavy ( 200 g ) . the sound quality is the same as the standard us release . no booklet and no poster . no track times listed on the back cover .
we have been hearing for a long time that videotape is going to revolutionize filmmaking , and now here is the vanguard of the revolution . whatever else it may be , frank zappa ' s
200 motels
is a joyous , fanatic , slightly weird experiment in the uses of the color videotape process . if there is more that can be done with videotape , i do not want to be there when they do it .
we do not own 200 motels but then again , neither does tony palmer and that fact does not seem to have deterred from his self - appointed rounds . ah well . we can only hope ! we do have a deal in place that should mgm decide that they want the deluxe version with all the bells and whistles they can ask us to help them out . but again , they do not have to do that .
i had a birthday while we were filming 200 motels and ringo gave me a huge birthday cake and a couple of bottles and the whole crew enjoyed that party . me , being as big of a beatle fan as i was and still am , that was the best thing that ever happened to me . ringo is a very nice man . moony was crazy , but a great fellow to party with and i did mucho .
coming ! soon ! to a theater or drive - in near you . . . frank zappa ' s incredible epic 200 motels ! see the mothers of invention ! see theodore bikel ! see ringo starr ! see keith moon ! romance ! hot beats ! romance ! ah - hoo ! hot beats ! romance ! mystery ! ( you gotta show ' em funny cars , man ) ( ah - hoo ! ) funny cars !
salonen briefly met zappa not long before he died in 1993 and conducted a number of his works in europe before then . in speaking with zappa , he observed an artist who was keenly self - aware yet far more sensitive than his iconoclastic reputation belied . removed from its original context , salonen sees “200 motels” as a work of surprising depth and complexity — trading its confrontational elements for a statement of pure imagination and creative freedom .
harmony inn the village 5601 broad st . , greendale , ( 414 ) 423 - 6899 urltoken host up to 200 guests indoors at harmony inn in greendale . this quaint village venue also handles catering in - house .
[ . . . ] we were all gonna play [ at the royal albert hall ] . but that bunch of buggers at the royal philharmonic , after they ' d grabbed the money for ' 200 motels ' —i perhaps shouldn ' t say this . . . let ' s say that after they ' d done the film , they didn ' t want to demean themselves in public . it was the lyrics that caused the trouble .
[ . . . ] ' sometimes it ' s a disaster . we ' re not even able to identify everything ' , says gail . the 200 motels - project , that took up two years , was pure detective work . but they managed , and now it is wait and see what the dutch philharmonic does with it . ' you lean back , and then it turns out to be horrible , or you ' re lucky . '
zappa ' s album
playground psychotics
( 1992 ) has a few audio tracks from the
200 motels
film recordings :
i could be a star now
,
if you ' re not a professional actor
,
a great guy
,
bad acting
,
the worst reviews
,
a version of himself
,
going for the money
and
martin lickert ' s story
.
then , three days before the concert was due to be performed in february 1971 to a sell - out audience of almost 5 , 000 fans , the royal albert hall cancelled it . the concert hall spokesman commented at the time , saying :
the programme content was not agreeable to us .
its then general manager , frank mundy , went one step further , describing 200 motels ' songs as
filth for filth ' s sake
.
16 . cut 1
coming soon ! . . .
( 00 : 56 ) 17 . cut 2
the wide screen erupts . . .
( 00 : 57 ) 18 . cut 3
coming soon ! . . .
( 00 : 31 ) 19 . cut 4
frank zappa ' s 200 motels . . .
( 00 : 11 ) 20 . magic fingers ( single edit ) ( 02 : 57 )
. . . if 200 motels is successful the next work will be a large scale work with a large scale budget . in 200 motels i want to make sure that the concept tracks from beginning to end . it ' s easy to say
it ' s a fantasy , you can stick any fuckin ' thing you want in there
. but i want somebody to be able to follow the course of the fantasy so that when they do get out there , they can look back and see what they meant and go :
what ? what am i doing here ?
without just going
yaannttz !
and then this thing happened to them and them saying
i don ' t understand it .
i want to get ' em out there and make ' em know that they went someplace and then get ' em back again . and that ain ' t easy to do .
larry fanoga appears on lumpy gravy ( 1968 ) ; joe ' s garage act i ( 1979 ) as larry ;
german lunch
on you can ' t do that on stage anymore vol . 5 ( 1992 ) ; civilization phaze iii ( 1994 ) ; the lumpy money project / object ( 2009 ) ; frank zappa ' s 200 motels ( 1971 ) as the newt rancher ; and them or us ( the book ) ( 1984 ) .
[ . . . ] frank was working alone [ at whitney studios in glendale ] , deep into editing the soundtrack of 200 motels . [ . . . ] frank complained ,
they gave us eleven days to edit which was bad enough , but then they took the used video tapes , erased them all and now they plan to sell them as ' used stock . ' hours of material i could have used elsewhere , they chewed up .
on 200 motels , the orchestra beat the shit out of the music—they just didn ' t play it properly . i couldn ' t even recognise it when they ' d finished . most of the actors were non - professionals , and the whole thing was shot in 56 hours . we all needed more time , and if i ' d had it , i ' ve have gotten better performances out of everybody , because they were the right people for those roles .
jerry good : strictly because of the uh , the creative aspects of it . i think what frank can done creatively from a musical point of view as well as a story telling point of view is so fresh that uh , it excited us , that ' s why we really got involved , and i think he ' s a brilliant talent , and uh , the whole feeling of 200 motels from the point of view of what he is trying to say .
fz liked to record vocals in stereo . while i agree with patrick that it creates problems , fz insisted that he liked it better in stereo . now i ' m not saying that this is what happened on the 200 motels tracks because i ' ve never heard the multi - track masters , i thought i ' d let you know that fz often did things that were contrary to conventional wisdom ( as if i ' d have to remind any of you ) .
the problem in the past has always been in the transferring process , the transferring of images from tape to film . color quality and picture deliniation have always been very uneven . but there ' s a company in england , a subsidiary of technicolor called vidtronics , that ' s come up with an incredible new system that gives perfect results . when we first saw what they could do we couldn ' t believe it , but we knew that was the answer for 200 motels .
the maverick happening of the week , lacking only spliffs and the requisite bowlfuls of well - chewed yin and yang , was the first uk staging of frank zappa ' s 200 motels – performed by an army of musicians including the bbc concert orchestra , southbank sinfonia and london voices conducted by jurjen hempel . two bonus cast members were the observer ' s jay rayner , cast against type as bad conscience / ginger , and zappa ' s daughter , diva , as groupie 2 .
roger ebert , chicago sun times , “we have been hearing for a long time that videotape is going to revolutionize filmmaking , and now here is the vanguard of the revolution . whatever else it may be , frank zappa’s 200 motels is a joyous , fanatic , slightly weird experiment in the uses of the color videotape process . if there is more that can be done with videotape , i do not want to be there when they do it… . the movie is so unrelentingly high that you even wish for intermissions… . it is the kind of movie you can barely see once : not because it’s simple , but became it’s so complicated that you finally realize you aren’t meant to get everything and sort everything out . it is a full wall of sight - and - sound input , and the experience of the input — not its content , is what zappa’s giving us . 200 motels is out of howard johnson by tinker bell , with aquarius setting . ”


dear goddamned friends ( italian : cari fottutissimi amici ) is a 1994 italian comedy film directed by mario monicelli .

it was entered into the 44th berlin international film festival where it won an honourable mention .

dear goddamned friends

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it is so hard to leave—until you leave . and then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world .
- john green
reporter : the friends team should lose , but that stupid newman will betray his own side , ensuring a new addition to the set of friends .
5 . the friends have no mortal enemies . seinfeld must deal with newman !
( the friends gang are feuding with the seinfeld gang over the couch . )
with the friends victorious they can now rule nyc with their retainer the soup nazi .
it bears pointing out that the seinfeld gang cannot fight because none of them can really afford a second conviction . friends win by default which is usually how the friends win .
3 . team unity . seindfeld ' s friends cost him a match with tim allen .
certainly , the friends gang has a weak link or two , but the seinfeld gang has no strong links . the friends will have the couch home in time for the victory party .
later that day jerry wakes up to find a note laying on top of him that reads ,
dear jerry , thanks for pointing out a good couch for me . . . . sucker ! signed , newman
the friends gang is actively neurotic . . . but one of them is obsessive - compulsive .
friends are , well , friends . they get along . seinfeld and pals , however , are the proverbial rottweiler ' s weight in chihuahuas . sure , they yap and jump around , but in the end , they can ' t do anything except annoy you .
friends
gets the couch .
advice from feelings - witch carly boyce on breaking up , because some lovers are better suited as friends .
you don ' t mess with the friends jihad ( could there be any less of a jihad ? ) .
hello ? courtney cox ? psychokinesis ? versus a patented shove ? somehow i think the friends get the furniture .
be generous with your dudes so that women don’t have to so goddamned often . appreciate every woman willing to teach you something about rape culture , and don’t feel entitled to her knowledge . what you’re enduring to cultivate it is not the same as what she’s endured .
5 friends vs . 3 seinfelds - - - - - edge to seinfeld . . . . enjoy ! ! ! !
register so you can check out ratings by your friends , family members , and like - minded members of the fa community .
can i have a perma - link to this ? i would like to bookmark for sharing over and over when i am too tired to have this conversation , but it looks like the url brings me to the dear bb homepage . thanks , and thanks for the eloquence and love in this response .
ross was convinced that mark was trying to sleep with rachel , despite the fact that mark had a girlfriend and rachel wasn’t interested . ross sent flowers , stuffed animals , oversized greeting cards , and a goddamned barbershop quartet to rachel’s office just to remind her and mark that she was in relationship .
poke to the ribs . the friends gang , more used to yuppie coffeeshops than fascist soup joints , are in over their heads .
and yet this was the character that they tried to spin off into his own show after friends ended . of course it crashed and burned .
as for the rest of the friends , they met their demise near yankee stadium at the business end of a taxi - powered flying toaster .
friends is both in reruns and making new shite , but it remains a whiney , less - than - funny waste of my half an hour .
what is a friend ? according to merriam webster ' s collegiate dictionary ( tenth edition ) , a friend is
one attached to another by affection or esteem
or
a favored companion .
so the friends gang , as they truly are friends , hold esteem and affection for each other . they would not let the others down . they will fight for the favored couch and for each other . otherwise , they wouldn ' t be friends . if they weren ' t friends , they would have to change the name of the program . probably to something like
3 guys , 3 girls , and a coffee shop
then , later , to just
3 guys and 3 girls .
that would be silly . therefore , the friends gang must win .
dear white people follows the stories of four black students at winchester university , where a riot breaks out over a popular ' african american ' themed party thrown by a white fraternity . with tongue planted firmly in cheek , the film explores racial identity in ' post - racial ' america while weaving a universal story of forging one ' s unique path in the world .
we lay with you , and some of your friends called to send you love and peace . you had a lot of friends , and you loved them all . you went easily – i’d been so worried that you’d fight it like you’ve fought so hard for so long , but you rested , and then you left .
you were there when our friends vic and louanne asked us to marry them – me to officiate , you as best beagle . these were two of the first friends you’d met when you first moved in , and vic had told me you belonged here . i reminded him you were a beagle , so no way in hell would you be staying…
watching 10 seasons of friends makes you realize some things : ross was a jerk , a minor character had the saddest fate , and no one seemed to own a bra .
articles like these remind me why i’ve always preferred seinfeld instead of friends . all the characters on seinfeld were dicks too , but at least that show was willing to admit it .
also , the show was popular because a lot of people could relate to the characters , ross included . you have to remember that the show has to exaggerate the characters to make it enjoyable . monica wouldn’t be as relateable if she wasn’t super crazy ocd and uptight . i have several friends that have some of the same characteristics as all of the other friends .
chandler bing had the worst friends in the world . sure , he was a smart - ass and liked to make jokes but good lord everyone was just mean to him non - stop , phoebe being the worst . i’m probably wrong but it sure seems like there were always more instances of chandler comforting / helping out his friends than any of them doing anything for him .
well , friends obviously has the babe factor ( tm ) . they have , perhaps , the uberbabe factor ( tm ) , with kudrow , cox , and aniston combined . seinfeld has . . . um . . . elaine . this is a woman who got one of her coworkers sick by just touching her office doorknob and phone . clearly friends is ahead so far .
soon enough , the seinfeld posse are triumphantly sipping their exquisitely flavored cups of soup , while the friends smolder , collectively banned for 10 years for their smart - ass remarks and special requests . finally , something snaps and the friends charge , meaning to get some of that soup my any means necessary . just when a new brawl seems inevitable , who should show up but gotham ' s finest ( tm ) . these guys are bored stiff from going after jaywalkers and litterers , and are all too happy to cart the friends off to the jail cells they richly deserve .
i bet if i got my friends to come with me , it would be like the suite life of zach and cody episode , minus the ghost coming out of the wall but you never know .
joey ' s final remark -
we friends have a saying . god created naked thursdays to train new roommates , or was it god created couches so they didn ' t have to stand ?
( the soldiers gang up on the friends and jam active pepper spray bottles into their eyes . after several minutes of torture , the lead soldier ' s beeper buzzes , and it is answered . )
friends gang : monica is in shape and extremely competitive . phoebe is a pacifist unless you get her dander up . then she is dangerous . rachel is a whiney wimp . luckily , the friends gang won ' t need her . ross is also whiney , but competitive - - especially when george hits on rachel . chandler has a sharp wit . joey is strong ; at least compared to the seinfeld gang .
necchi ( a bar owner ) , perozzi ( a journalist ) , melandri ( an architect ) and mascetti ( a broken nobleman ) live in florence . they have been friends since their youngest years and spend every . . . see full summary »
i voted for friends because i ' m in it , and i like me . . . smelly cat , smelly cat , what are they . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
the four old friends meet on the grave of the fifth of them , perozzi , who died at the end of the first episode . time has passed but they are still up for adventures and cruel jokes , and . . . see full summary »
friends is just a clone of seinfeld , and as we all know a clone is only half as powerful as the original . don ' t believe me ? look at bizzaro , mini - me , the godfather part ii , and euro disney world .
i owe a great deal to television , but this is where i draw the line , dammit ! no matter what television has thrown my way , i consumed it . willingly . but friends and seinfeld proved to be the one serving i couldn ' t suppress the gag reflex on . hell , i ' ve watched , and for the most part , been a fan of everything from
adam adamant lives !
to
zoom
. but seinfeld and friends cross the line of bad taste and stupidity that
ross couldn’t stop fixating on the fact that his wife was a lesbian to his friends , but when he was in public , he had a hard time admitting his wife’s sexuality to strangers , even though she had no problem with it . in “the one with two parts” ( s1 : e16 ) , all three attended lamaze class together and ross tried to explain susan as “carol’s friend . ” carol clarified , saying that they were “life partners , ” but ross interrupted to claim that they were just very good friends .
a quick tip for next time : you should really let someone know when you stop caring about them . if only i had known , i would’ve moved on before your disregard for me sent me into a self - despising spiral . the hardest thing i ever did was detach myself from you , but it has set me free more than you’ll ever know . i’m still struggling , but at least i’m not forcing a friendship that isn ' t there . just like john green said , “it is so hard to leave—until you leave . and then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world . ”
i got you all the good bs : burger and bananas and butter , your favorite thing in the world . remember when we were training in obedience , goddamned dog , when you thought go - outs were pointless , so i put a little butter on the target and you got it in one try ? you ate your whipped cream out of the canister this morning just like at thanksgiving , a little slow to catch it as it foamed out , but you caught it just the same . you tried to get up when you heard me cooking and the dishwasher open , your duties as sous chef and pre - washer not forgotten .
ok , i shall revise . idiots can occasionally win something but only if they are in a place that voted for walter mondale . but putting aside the unique wisdom of the minnesota voting population for the moment , the fact still remain that the friends group is totally out gunned .
even though i was too young to remember friends in its initial 1994 - 2004 run , i grew up watching the reruns , so i knew the episodes pretty well . at least i thought i did , until i binge watched all ten seasons when the show became available on netflix .
plus , how do you think jerry , george and kramer will be after doing some hard time ? mad as hell . after fighting off convicts in the shower and bench - pressing some prison yard weight , they ' ll mop up manhattan with the three mary - boys on friends .
has it started snowing already in minnesota ? are the cold , harsh october winds freezing mark ' s brain to a fare - thee - well ? as cute , lovable , and downright maladjusted as the friends are , that and a buck ' ll get you a ride on the subway compared to uber - mental powers possessed by the seinfeldians ( again , at least as compared to the mental dwarves in the friends universe ) . ross may have a doctorate , but only in the t . v . world could he last more than five minutes on the mean streets of gotham . phoebe , rachel , and joey don ' t have two brain cells to rub together between them , and chandler couldn ' t fight his way out of a douche bag . i ' d say paper bag , but the friends ' resident pseudo - gayman just doesn ' t rate it .
jerry - well , actually jerry is kind of a wimp , if you ask me . he whines a lot , is too picky about everything , and caves in to his friends wishes a lot . he almost sounds like . . monica . so the two will balance each other out .
i remember watching friends the first time around and thinking that ross needed to chill out about rachel dating this italian stallion . but then rewatching the show , i found myself agreeing with ross : what exactly did rachel see in paolo ? because , uh , there really wasn’t much to look at .
superman quickly disposes of monica with a blast of super - breath , but not in time to save seinfeld . the surviving friends are left as the winners , being the only team with players still on the field , and emerge , wide - eyed and blinking , into the new york night .
you joined in your things’ events with all their friends , equally your things in your mind , equally careless with cheetos and chips and always your favorite place to be , surrounded by the boys you’d loved from grade school to university , accepting all new comers and girlfriends and additional members of the crowd as your own .
monicelli ended up directing a project by his friend pietro germi when the latter fell seriously ill . five middle - aged florentine friends , some of whom are wealthy , others totally broke , spend most of their time playing outlandish jokes on anyone they come across to try and stay young and stave off the shadow of death .
2 . elaine - she is not afraid of anything , except maybe breaking up with puddy . she took on george ' s father and even a soup nazi and won , so she has proven she can go toe to toe with the best . none of the friends gang has the fierceness that an angry elaine can create .
the second world war is nearly over . several friends get together in the streets of florence and plan to revive interest in boxing in their shattered country , which has been completely forgotten about because of the war and the impending defeat . to do this they go round various towns and villages and put on what on occasions are absurd fights .
the gang on friends are nice to each other . ross is a big , whiny baby , incapable of harboring a mean thought toward anyone . phoebe is too flaky to be malicious . joey would just act mean , and even then it ' s not a very good imitation . chandler comes close , but he ' s still a big walking doormat .
c ' mon ! ! this one is a no - brainer . friends are a bunch of mamby - pamby , wishy - washy group huggers . the seinfeld gang has killed and maimed before and done so with no remorse . george killed his fiance using stationery . jerry flattened bette midler on the softball field . kramer beats up kids in his karate class .
all right ! now this is a match that us evilphiles can really sink our teeth into ! we have seinfeld , the icon of modern self - absorbed pettiness . we have friends , the paragon of servitude to the coolness codes . thank you , thank you , thank you ! ! ! ( er , i mean , i hate you . . . ahem . )
yes . . . the soup nazi . with his thief friends , they will steal the couch . this time the soup nazi will not give it to kramer , and the consequences happen thus . . . it gets a place in the kitchen , then it gets dirty with soup stains . . . then used as rags . . . both couchless and uphoulstry mangled .
second episode of the adventures of the group of fifty - somethings in amici miei . the action begins where the previous film left off : at the funeral of one of the friends who reappears through the memories and recollections of his companions . despite the time gone by and the fact that death is never far away , all they know how to do is to carry on playing their tedious jokes .
i agree that the seinfeld gang might be wimpy and run away during the first confrontation . that would leave the younger , hipper friends ownership of the couch . but , what few realize is that the simply purchasing of the couch is not the end . the naive friends will move the couch into one of their outrageously cheap , yet lavous apartments , assuming they don ' t end up destroying it along the way . regardless , the seinfeld group will not just give up . after several nerve - racking days of plotting and scheming , they will find a way to take back the couch that is rightfully theirs , whether through subterfuge , breaking and entering , or just grabbing it and running away , though that is difficult with a couch . in the end , seinfeld will have his couch .
elsa matinelli , who a few years later was to be howard hawks ' african heroine in hatari ! , is donatella , a bookbinder ' s daughter . one day she finds a bag that a wealthy american woman has lost . they become good friends and when the woman has to go back to the usa , she asks donatella to move into her house so that it doesn ' t look like nobody is living there .
all right mark , i understand really i do . i know it is a scary time up there in minnesota , what with knowing you aren ' t going to see the sun again for six months , so i ' ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume it was fear induced insanity that made you pick the friends gang , because lets face it there is no way the seinfelders are losing this one .
3 . kramer - what can i say about kramer . he is both smart and dumb at the same time , which , going up against friends , can actually help . he has invented things ( the bro , or manzierre , as well as perfume that smells like the beach ) , and has proven that he can go crazy on the drop of a dime . against joey or pheobe , the edge goes to kramer .
1 . george - although unlucky with anything female , he has one of the most devious , evil minds on tv . he manages to move from job to job without actually ever working , fakes being handicapped to et his own office and bathroom , and can find a way out of almost everything except giving his atm password . ross is probably the smartest of all the friends , but he will prove no match for evil george .
so , my friends and i are at this furniture store the other day , trying to buy a couch and this other group comes along and also tries to buy it . now , to me , haggling over furniture seems kind of petty . i mean , if this couch is going to become a part of my apartment or some strangers apartment , i really feel as if the couch should get a say in the matter .
unfortunately for those craving a conflict like myself , this one will be ended quickly due to outside interference . to wit , the series finale of seinfeld ended with them in prison ; therefore , to be participating in this contest they must have escaped ( or our legal system released them early , but i imagine battling over a couch counts as a parole violation anyway ) . as they are the only people probably more likely than mork and mindy to attract attention in new york city , i figure within seconds of the start of this match the cops are gonna burst in and play baton baseball with jerry and his comrades . unfortunately this does mean the cast of friends win by default ; we can hope the friends catch a few blows by mistake in the confusion but i fear the
i ' ll be there for you
gang won ' t hang around long enough this time .
are you kidding me ? was it not clearly established in the last episode that the sienfeld gang consists of the worst people on the face of the earth ? a normal day for these guys consists of stealing rye from an old lady , posioning future spouses , getting rid of hardworking soup salesmen and getting poor pakistanis deported . what does the friends gang do all day ? sit around and whine their love lives ? give me a break . . .
it was a back yard barbecue ; vic’s motorcycle club of fellow veterans , along with wives , brother , nieces and nephews , grand - nieces and friends . you schmoozed like a pro , saying hello to everyone , weaving in and out of the motorcycles , dancing a little , greeting the kids and , thanks to one little friend , sharing chips and dip . a lot of chips , a lot of salsa , a lot of spinach and cheese dip .
friends . . . they ' re driven mainly by codes of gen - x cool . they ' re that high school super - popular clique that didn ' t have to dirty their hands fighting because anyone stupid enough to oppose them was beaten up by the football team , the wrestling team . . . hell , even the chess club would throw a few pawns at the transgressor . they are ferris bueller to the sixth power . we just saw what ferris did to ex - con joe
red
clark . when the seinfelders approach , scheme in hand , the friends will be oblivious . . . ross & rachel ; , chandler & monica ; , joey & phoebe ; will be too busy making out to even care about the bitter baby boomers . . . their hordes of fans , however , will not . the second george * touches * rachel ' s ' do ( tm ) . . . game over .
rlly ross is a dick ? mark admits he wanted rachel , proving ross s fears justified . his reactions were awful sure . then rachel goes on a date with the guy out of spite . but ross is the bad guy ? in order of worst to best friend i would say its phoebe – rachel – ross – monica – chandler – joey . and before you say anything im thinking of in the context of the 6 friends . joey is obviously terrible to other women .
in short , the friends gang are nice people , far too nice to be real new yorkers ( tm ) . whereas the entire cast of seinfeld is chock - full of the rage ( tm ) . jerry ' s mad for a million minor reasons , kramer is angry for a reason no one can really comprehend , elaine is upset because all the guys she meets are jerks , and george is pissed off because he ' s short , fat , bald , and still lives with his parents .
you stayed quiet for the whole ceremony – handled it like a pro . sat politely all the way to the kiss before bolting toward the food being readied in the back . a few plaintive howls sent in just the right direction got you , i noticed , some pulled pork and ribs , bone off , from a few of your new friends . who am i to argue , after all , with a twenty - pound beagle wending her way through the families of large biker men clad in leather and honorable colors ?
i deserve better than you . i deserve friends who will always be with me , not just when it’s convenient for them . you were constantly making me feel small because you needed to feel big . i’m not mad at you , i’m just sad . disappointed , really . i let you in , and i made you bigger in my life than you made me in yours . after everything that has happened , i just want to know , did you ever consider me a friend ? or was i always just a topic of conversation to you ?
rachel was a cow the whole time . she’d dump ross and then when he had a new girlfriend she’d suddenly realise she still loved him , or guilt trip him . she even turned up in england at his wedding and broke that up and then broke up with him again when she got him back . high maintenance too using all of her friends for money and as shoulders to whine on . i think ross must have been mentally insane to still love her even though he was supposedly in love with other people too . how could anyone love that user ?
as events turn against the friends , rachel pulls out her ultimate weapon . yes , not only is jennifer aniston a superstar of film and screen , she is also the secret captain of twiggy ' s waifs instant terror society . as she releases the twits symbol from her the empty space in her head , calista flockhart and kate moss arrive on the scene . quickly , they climb the nearby refrigerators and unleash the devastating triple vomit splash ( tm ) . it looks like the seinfeld gang will be crushed worst than a chair at an chris farley look - a - like convention .
so david watched the woman he had been in love with for seven years accept another man’s proposal , and to top it off , phoebe admitted that if he had asked first , she probably would have said yes . david left barbados , lonely and filled with regret . i just get so sad thinking about how terrible david’s fate turned out and i want justice for this sweet , awkward , lovable guy . if that friends movie ever happens , i want just at least one throwaway line that mentions that david is now successful and happily married and maybe doing voiceover work on the simpsons .
sorry to be the one to have to tell you , but in the world we live in good looks are all that matters . the friends gang will win because they are all more or less attractive . although i don ' t personally think rachel is all that hot , she has squinty little eyes , and monica is kind of a bitch . even with those two draggin ' them down , the friend - ly crew will mop the floor with the seinfeldians because , and let ' s be honest here , they are ugly . elaine ' s okay , but the others are just plain ugly . i wrote a little song about it :
how can you claim that the friends are stupid ? they were clever and resourceful enough to fashion a very long poking device out of chopsticks to check on ugly naked guy . i might add that it was joey that came up with this idea , and if he ' s the dumbest , imagine what the rest of the friends could do . what does seinfeld have ? kramer ? his best idea was a rubber bladder for the inside of oil tankers , and it was a flop . george ? he ' s only smart when he ' s not thinking about sex , and i doubt he ' ll have anything else on his mind after he sees phoebe , monica , and rachel . elaine ? this is a woman who singlehandedly ran the j . peterman corporation into the ground , you ' ve heard the drivel that ' s in that catalog it clearly isn ' t written by intelligent people . the fact that elaine was unable to do this suggests her idiocy . jerry ? it ' s true that he ' s always there with the witty remarks , but look at what he has to work with . george and kramer are walking punchlines , anyone could make fun of them . besides , he regularly got outsmarted by newman , anyone that has that happen to them must be an idiot .
first aired ) , but still . . . has the human brain devolved to the point where nothingness is considered funny ? i ' m beginning to think that i might just have to take over the airwaves ( and cable ) to remind everyone what quality tv is all about . funny is carol burnett , as scarlett o ' hara , wearing a curtain rod . funny is bugs bunny doing just about anything . quality television requires good writing and likeable characters , not whiny losers who pull a muscle when trying to affect a cute pose after a joke goes horribly awry . seinfeld and friends ain ' t quality tv in this or any other lifetime .
obviously , the poor thing was trying to get some rest by camouflaging itself as a couch in a pier 1 . after all , who really does buy furniture from them ? well , unfortunately for the haggunenon , the friends and seinfeld gangs do . the tug - o - war they start with it is the last straw . before you can say ,
eat your heart out , galapagos islands !
, it evolves into a ravenous bugblatter beast of traal and scarfs down both sets of self - absorbed poseurs , pausing only to dunk them in their own coffee . and , thankfully for us ( well , me , anyway ) , it does not make the mistake of reevolving into an escape pod .
i finished “the last one” at 3 am , and when i shut down my laptop and finally went to sleep , i realized that there are a lot of things off about friends i didn’t notice the first time around . and i’m not talking about obvious stuff like how it’s impossible that monica was able to afford that spacious two bedroom apartment in the village even with her supposed rent control or how it’s ironic that ross and rachel were billed as the series’ top couple when they were only together for two out of the ten seasons . i’m talking about stuff you don’t notice until you sit down and watch all 236 episodes all in a row . buckle up , kids . i’m going to point out some stuff that will blow your mind .
in any other town , the friends would eke out a win after a brawl producing many lethal , organ - exposing injuries . this is new york , however , a city that credits its low murder rate to aggressive prosecution of people who jump subway turnstiles or urinate in public . these guys probably have a couple of squad cars following poppy around all day ; how do you think they ' ll respond to a full - blown furniture riot ? wading in with their nightsticks set on whomp , rudy ' s boys in blue will haul our hapless combatants off to the pokey . when the two groups arrive at the store the next day , the couch is gone , and the man who purchased it has left behind identical notes for each group :
while the match commentary brings out many good points , it ignores one major fact . based on the premise , this is an intelligent sofa . if you were a sofa , who would you rather have sit on you : george or rachel ? in the effort to get the more desirable derriere , the sofa will fight all attempts to go with the seinfeld gang . after jerry and co . catch a few well - thrown springs and find that the cushions are suddenly all lumpy , they ' ll forget about the sofa and go off somewhere to have a wacky adventure about nothing at all , leaving the prize in the hands of the friends mob . now if the sofa can just figure out how to get put in rachel ' s apartment . . .
amongst my group of friends , none of us never really bought into the rachel / joey ship . i could believe that joey and rachel had an unrequited crushes on each other , but when it came down to watching them kiss on screen and go on dates , it fell flat . it’s strange because on paper , joey and rachel do seem like an ideal couple . someone even went through the trouble of listing all the reasons why : they’re compatible in terms of intelligence and temperament , they don’t have a complicated history like rachel does with ross , and they got along well as roommates . however , it was still just so weird to see them together , especially since at this point rachel and ross had a child together . even if joey and rachel stayed together , how were they going to fit ross in their relationship ?
1 . matthew perry was clearly in a bad place and only getting worse throughout the show’s run , going from svelte and healthy - looking in season 1 to slightly bloated and permanently crimson - hued around season 8 . 2 . the cast will not stop shouting their lines in the later episodes , making them quite tiresome to watch . 3 . yes , ross is a dick . the show keeps trying to present him as being lovably apprehensive , but his behaviour is so petty and so hysterical that he ends up looking faintly sociopathic , and i wonder why the rest of the gang don’t just tell him to fuck off . 4 . friends overall is watchable , but not particularly memorable , to the point at which even after having watched several dozen episodes i can barely recall any lines , plots , gags , supporting characters , etc . except for “we were on a break ! ” , obviously .
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tuscany , august 1944 : the allies have just entered florence , italy is devasted by the war , and the people are hungry .
dieci
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esposito is a thief who cons tourists in rome . a lengthy persecution by police bottoni , who manages to catch it starts . in an oversight esposito manages to flee again . bottoni superiors inform him that if no catches him will lose his job .
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tuscany , august 1944 : the allies have just entered florence , italy is devasted by the war , and the people are hungry .
dieci
, who claims to have been a boxer and a manager , gathers a group of young men in order to organise boxing matches to get something to eat . . .
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1994 : berlin film festival : official selection . honourable mention ( mario monicelli )
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tuscany , august 1944 : the allies have just entered florence , italy is devasted by the war , and the people are hungry . “dieci” , who claims to have been a boxer and a manager , gathers a group of young men in order to organise boxing matches to get something to eat…
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cari fottutissimi amici in the devastation of 1944 tuscany , an aged ex boxer gathers a group of youngs to found an itinerant company of boxing shows .
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i want you to know that at one point , i thought you were my heaven sent . i was lost , sad , and alone . maybe that’s why i put so much stock into our friendship . i was so vulnerable that i trusted in you more than i should have . i made you my hero . that one is on me , but i won’t blame myself for the way you hurt me .
this letter is more for myself than it is for you , honestly . you probably won’t even read this . however , on the off chance that you are reading this , i want you to know that you hurt me . maybe you don’t even know that you did . i’d find that hard to believe , but not out of the realm of possibility . you were so caught up in your own little world that you might not have even noticed how much you were tearing me apart .
you’re probably upset at me right now . i’ve seen the way you look at me when we’re near each other . you’re mad at me because i finally became my own hero and left you behind . but newsflash , i don’t need you . you aren’t in control of me anymore .
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i don ' t know about you but i ' m feelin ' 22 ,
i have waited 6 long years to sing that and actually be 22 ! now 22 doesn ' t seem like a big deal to people because you can ' t do anything that you couldn ' t do before and you ' re still super young . but i ' m determined to make my 22nd year a year filled with new adventures and new experiences . so here ' s to 22 .
what ' s crazier than jumping out of a plane ? ( although i ' ll probably try indoor skydiving first . )
i must be the only rhode islander who hasn ' t gone to jamestown and jumped off a cliff .
it ' s only natural that somebody from the ocean state knows how to surf .
because my little bit of portuguese , spanish and latin isn ' t cutting it anymore .
12 . travel to a state that i ' ve never been to before .
fun fact : i ' ve only been to 17 of the 50 states .
i ' m from the ocean state so i guess i should see the ocean up close and personal .
there ' s actually a barn in my state that does line dancing , so this one will definitely get crossed off .
all this water around me and i haven ' t done a lot of the water activites .
whether it ' s trying a new restaurant , getting something different at my usual restaurants , changing my usual style , going on the scary rides at amusement parks , and bringing things i used to do back into my life now .
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i stood for a moment in the bedroom in which i ' ve slept in for the past two years and realized how static i grew in my living situation and that where i was currently was not where i was meant to be .
i idolized that poorly painted walls and the chips in the finish of the wood furniture . i didn ' t mind the dusty floors or the stained cabinet near the kitchen sink . it was everything i had always wanted because it was mine to live in .
that was my sophomore year . the year prior was spent crying almost every single night i spent in my room with the feeling of discomfort and anxiety .
for the majority of my freshman year after moving over an unfortunate situation with my first roommate , i had shared a college dorm room was a girl that kept me up at night and made me feel like a pariah during the day . she snored like a bear and maybe showered once a week , despite the sweltering florida heat .
the room always smelled , was always loud , and always felt like it wasn ' t my home .
it was probably the worst year of my life for many reasons yet i always made the best of it . i enjoyed what freshman year had to offer , especially the newness of it all . instead of struggling it out in the room i hated , most nights i slept in my best friend ' s bed with her at her apartment . she was graceful , knew my misery , and took me in without question , and for that , i will always be grateful for her .
her apartment turned into the one i lived in permanently the following year when her roommate moved out and i moved in . it felt like my safe haven still from the year prior and i thrived on its energy .
two years later and that feeling of bliss has subsided . i now walk in and feel a constant reminder of what once was and what could have been . instead of the youthful memories of figuring out life , i ' m left with the painful reminders of failure and disappointment .
i don ' t blame anyone – it ' s just life . but instead of staying in the place i ' ve realized is not the best for me despite the re - signed lease for the upcoming year , i ' m taking my happiness into my own hands .
i ' ve slowly realized that moving is scary when you ' re alone . there ' s no one to help guide you in the right direction or even with the trivial tasks like packing . it ' s an isolating circumstance that feels like a million burdens all for your to carry .
you learn a lot about yourself through the stress and struggles of breaking a lease and finding a new one to sign .
when i moved to college my freshman year , my parents did most of the work – i just picked out what color bedding i wanted and whether i wanted a gold desk lamp or a black one . i chose gold .
life seemed easy when it felt like you weren ' t carrying the weight of all your decisions . both sadly and joyously , that time has passed and i ' ve both moved on and grown up .
i ' m paying for basically everything that comes with this move , and in a lot of ways , i ' m proud of myself . i knew i wanted something badly enough and decided to work as hard as i could to get it . i ' m still in the middle of the process and the stress that comes with it , but i ' m pushing forward with the constant reminders that this is what is best for me .
it ' s easy to continue in life without reanalyzing where you are and what makes you happy . for too long , i didn ' t think about my happiness . rather , i only focused on school work and what my internship would need of me . i took a look in the mirror one day and knew that i needed more for myself and my sanity .