Writing prompt: My First Trip

Student essay:
According to my mother my first trip was went to Beijing when I'm five years old. I think that I can remember my first travel was in 2010 .I'm went to world expo in shanghai with my mother.we go there by air, we get on the plane in morning and we landing on the shanghaipudong airport at night. We have dinner in the hotel , but many food are sweet and I think it was not good. Tomorrow morning we visited to the UK exhibition room, Spain exhibition room china exhibition room and many other place in shanghai, there were so many people in the line ,we waited about two hour only in one exhibition room. I'm so tired in this travel but I think I have a good trip .

Corrected essay:
According to my mother my first trip was to Beijing when I was five years old. I think that I can remember my first travel in 2010. I went to the World Expo in Shanghai with my mother. We went there by air. We got on the plane in the morning and we landed on the Shanghai Pudong Airport at night. We had dinner in the hotel, but much of the food was sweet and I thought it was not good. The next morning we visited the UK exhibition room, the Spain exhibition room, the China exhibition room and many other places in Shanghai. There were so many people in line. We waited about two hours for just one exhibition room. I was so tired during this trip but I think I had a good trip.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: According to my mother my first trip was went to Beijing when I'm five years old.
correct_sentence: According to my mother my first trip was to Beijing when I was five years old.
error: went
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Choice Error: According to English grammar rules, a simple sentence can only contain one predicate verb; this sentence intends to express 'My first trip was to Beijing'. The structure 〈was went〉 does not conform to English grammar rules; 『was to』 should be used to indicate a past arrangement of 『going to...』, therefore the redundant 〈went〉 needs to be deleted.
error_sentence: According to my mother my first trip was went to Beijing when I'm five years old.
correct_sentence: According to my mother my first trip was to Beijing when I was five years old.
error: 'm
correction: was
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to English grammar rules, the adverbial clause of time 〈when I'm five〉 needs to be consistent with the tense of the main clause. The main clause uses the past tense 〈was〉, so the subordinate clause should be changed to 『when I was』 to maintain tense consistency.
error_sentence: I think that I can remember my first travel was in 2010 .I'm
correct_sentence: I think that I can remember my first travel in 2010.
error: was
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Word Redundancy Error: According to English expression norms, when 〈my first travel was in 2010〉 serves as the object of the predicate 'remember', the 〈was〉 within it is a redundant verb. Directly using 『my first travel in 2010』 can fully express the time information, so 〈was〉 is deleted to make the sentence more concise.
error_sentence: I think that I can remember my first travel was in 2010 .I'm
correct_sentence: I think that I can remember my first travel in 2010. I went to the World Expo in Shanghai with my mother.
error: .I'm
correction: . I
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: ① Space Error: According to English writing conventions, a space is needed between punctuation marks and words, so a space should be inserted between 〈.〉 and 『I』; ② Sentence Structure Error: According to English grammar rules, a simple sentence can only have one predicate verb; here, the intention is to express 'My mother and I went...', so the linking verb “'m” is redundant and should be deleted.
error_sentence: went to world expo in shanghai with my mother.we go there by air, we get on the plane in morning and we landing on the shanghaipudong airport at night.
correct_sentence: I went to the World Expo in Shanghai with my mother.
error: world expo in shanghai
correction: the World Expo in Shanghai
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Determiner Error: According to English writing conventions, the proper noun 〈World Expo〉 requires the definite article 『the』 before it to indicate specificity; ② Case Error: According to English writing conventions, 〈world expo〉 and 〈shanghai〉 as proper nouns should be capitalized as 『World Expo』 and 『Shanghai』.
error_sentence: went to world expo in shanghai with my mother.we go there by air, we get on the plane in morning and we landing on the shanghaipudong airport at night.
correct_sentence: I went to the World Expo in Shanghai with my mother. We went there by air.
error: mother.we go
correction: mother. We went
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Space Error: According to English grammar rules, a space is needed between punctuation marks and words, so a space should be inserted between 〈mother.〉 and 〈we〉 to comply with English writing conventions; ② Case Error: According to English writing conventions, the first letter of the word at the beginning of a sentence should be capitalized, so 〈we〉 should be capitalized as 『We』.
error_sentence: went to world expo in shanghai with my mother.we go there by air, we get on the plane in morning and we landing on the shanghaipudong airport at night.
correct_sentence: We went there by air. We got on the plane in the morning and we landed on the Shanghai Pudong Airport at night.
error: , we get
correction: . We got
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: ① Punctuation Error: According to English writing conventions, the independent main clauses 〈we go there by air〉 and “We get on the plane...” each contain a predicate structure and cannot be separated by a comma; therefore, 〈, we〉 is changed to 『. We』 to comply with English writing conventions; ② Verb Tense Error: According to the context, the passage describes actions that occurred in the past, so the present tense 〈get〉 should be changed to the past tense 『got』.
error_sentence: went to world expo in shanghai with my mother.we go there by air, we get on the plane in morning and we landing on the shanghaipudong airport at night.
correct_sentence: We got on the plane in the morning and we landed on the Shanghai Pudong Airport at night.
correction: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English fixed phrases, 〈in morning〉 lacks the necessary definite article. The fixed phrase should be 『in the morning』, meaning 'in the morning', so 『the』 needs to be added.
error_sentence: went to world expo in shanghai with my mother.we go there by air, we get on the plane in morning and we landing on the shanghaipudong airport at night.
correct_sentence: We got on the plane in the morning and we landed on the Shanghai Pudong Airport at night.
error: landing
correction: landed
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to English grammar rules, the tenses of parallel verbs are inconsistent. The preceding verb 〈got on〉 uses the past tense, so 〈landing〉 needs to be changed to the past tense 『landed』 to maintain tense consistency.
error_sentence: went to world expo in shanghai with my mother.we go there by air, we get on the plane in morning and we landing on the shanghaipudong airport at night.
correct_sentence: We got on the plane in the morning and we landed on the Shanghai Pudong Airport at night.
error: shanghaipudong airport
correction: Shanghai Pudong Airport
error_type: Case Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Case Error: According to English writing conventions, the proper noun 〈shanghaipudong airport〉 needs to be capitalized and written separately, so it is changed to 『Shanghai Pudong Airport』 to conform to conventions.
error_sentence: We have dinner in the hotel , but many food are sweet and I think it was not good.
correct_sentence: We had dinner in the hotel, but much of the food was sweet and I thought it was not good.
error: have
correction: had
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to the context, the passage describes actions that occurred in the past, so the present tense 〈have〉 should be changed to the past tense 『had』.
error_sentence: We have dinner in the hotel , but many food are sweet and I think it was not good.
correct_sentence: We had dinner in the hotel, but much of the food was sweet and I thought it was not good.
error: many food are
correction: much of the food was
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Determiner Error: According to English grammar rules, the uncountable noun 〈food〉 should be modified by 『much』 instead of 〈many〉; ② Subject-Verb Agreement Error: 〈much of the food〉 as a singular subject requires the linking verb to be in singular form, not the plural form 〈are〉; ③ Verb Tense Error: According to the context, this describes something that happened in the past, so 〈are〉 needs to be changed to 『was』 to conform to the past tense.
error_sentence: We have dinner in the hotel , but many food are sweet and I think it was not good.
correct_sentence: We had dinner in the hotel, but much of the food was sweet and I thought it was not good.
error: think
correction: thought
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to the context, this describes something that happened in the past; narrating mental activities in past events should use the past tense, so 〈think〉 is changed to 『thought』 to maintain tense consistency.
error_sentence: Tomorrow morning we visited to the UK exhibition room, Spain exhibition room china exhibition room and many other place in shanghai, there were so many people in the line ,we waited about two hour only in one exhibition room.
correct_sentence: The next morning we visited the UK exhibition room, the Spain exhibition room, the China exhibition room and many other places in Shanghai.
error: Tomorrow
correction: The next
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English expression customs, the time adverb 〈Tomorrow〉 indicates future time, while the sentence describes past events, so 〈Tomorrow〉 is changed to 『The next』 to conform to past time expression.
error_sentence: Tomorrow morning we visited to the UK exhibition room, Spain exhibition room china exhibition room and many other place in shanghai, there were so many people in the line ,we waited about two hour only in one exhibition room.
correct_sentence: The next morning we visited the UK exhibition room, the Spain exhibition room, the China exhibition room and many other places in Shanghai.
error: to
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Word Redundancy Error: According to English expression customs, the verb 〈visit〉 is a transitive verb, directly followed by an object. Therefore, the redundant preposition 〈to〉 needs to be deleted, changing it to 『visited the UK exhibition room』, meaning 'visited the UK exhibition room'.
error_sentence: Tomorrow morning we visited to the UK exhibition room, Spain exhibition room china exhibition room and many other place in shanghai, there were so many people in the line ,we waited about two hour only in one exhibition room.
correct_sentence: The next morning we visited the UK exhibition room, the Spain exhibition room, the China exhibition room and many other places in Shanghai.
correction: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English grammar rules, the name of an exhibition hall as a specific place requires a definite article before it, so 『the』 should be added before 〈Spain exhibition room〉 for clear reference.
error_sentence: Tomorrow morning we visited to the UK exhibition room, Spain exhibition room china exhibition room and many other place in shanghai, there were so many people in the line ,we waited about two hour only in one exhibition room.
correct_sentence: The next morning we visited the UK exhibition room, the Spain exhibition room, the China exhibition room and many other places in Shanghai.
error: china
correction: , the China
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Punctuation Error: According to English expression customs, commas are needed to separate multiple parallel elements; “the UK exhibition room”, “the Spain exhibition room”, and “the China exhibition room” are three parallel elements, so a comma should be added between them; ② Determiner Error: According to English writing conventions, a specific noun requires the definite article “the” before it, so the definite article 『the』 needs to be added before 〈China exhibition room〉; ③ Case Error: According to English writing conventions, the country name 〈china〉 should be capitalized as 『China』.
error_sentence: Tomorrow morning we visited to the UK exhibition room, Spain exhibition room china exhibition room and many other place in shanghai, there were so many people in the line ,we waited about two hour only in one exhibition room.
correct_sentence: The next morning we visited the UK exhibition room, the Spain exhibition room, the China exhibition room and many other places in Shanghai. There were so many people in line.
error: place in shanghai, there
correction: places in Shanghai. There
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Noun Number Error: According to English grammar rules, “many” modifies plural countable nouns, so 〈place〉 should be changed to the plural form 『places』, meaning 'multiple places'; ② Case Error: According to English writing conventions, the first letter of a place name should be capitalized, so 〈shanghai〉 should be capitalized as 『Shanghai』, meaning 'Shanghai'; ③ Punctuation Error: According to English grammar rules, independent sentences “The next morning we visited......” and “there were so many people in the line” each contain a predicate structure and cannot be separated by a comma, so 〈, there〉 is changed to 『.There』 to comply with grammar rules.
error_sentence: Tomorrow morning we visited to the UK exhibition room, Spain exhibition room china exhibition room and many other place in shanghai, there were so many people in the line ,we waited about two hour only in one exhibition room.
correct_sentence: There were so many people in line. We waited about two hours for just one exhibition room.
error: the line ,we
correction: line. We
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Word Redundancy Error: According to English fixed phrases, 'to be in line' is “in line”; 〈the〉 is redundant in the fixed phrase 〈in line〉 and should be deleted; ② Punctuation Error: According to English grammar rules, the independent clauses “there were so many people in the line” and “we waited about two hour only in one exhibition room” are two separate sentences and cannot be connected by a comma, so 〈,we〉 is changed to 『. We』 to comply with English writing conventions.
error_sentence: Tomorrow morning we visited to the UK exhibition room, Spain exhibition room china exhibition room and many other place in shanghai, there were so many people in the line ,we waited about two hour only in one exhibition room.
correct_sentence: We waited about two hours for just one exhibition room.
error: hour only in
correction: hours for just
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Noun Number Error: According to English grammar rules, “hour” is a countable noun, so 〈two hour〉 should be changed to the plural form 『two hours』; ② Preposition Error: According to the logic of the context, 『for just』 should replace 〈only in〉 to function as an adverbial of purpose in the sentence, expressing the meaning 'we waited for about two hours for just one exhibition room'.
error_sentence: I'm so tired in this travel but I think I have a good trip .
correct_sentence: I was so tired during this trip but I think I had a good trip.
error: 'm
correction: was
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to the context, the passage narrates events that happened in the past, so the simple past tense should be used; therefore, 〈I'm〉 is changed to 『I was』 to maintain tense consistency.
error_sentence: I'm so tired in this travel but I think I have a good trip .
correct_sentence: I was so tired during this trip but I think I had a good trip.
error: in this travel
correction: during this trip
error_type: Noun Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Preposition Error: According to English fixed phrases, 'during...' is usually expressed with the preposition “during”, not “in”, so the preposition 〈in〉 is changed to 『during』; ② Noun Error: When 〈travel〉 is used as a noun, it often refers to travel in a general sense; here, 『trip』 should be used to refer to a specific journey, so 〈travel〉 is changed to 『trip』.
error_sentence: I'm so tired in this travel but I think I have a good trip .
correct_sentence: I was so tired during this trip but I think I had a good trip.
error: have
correction: had
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to the context, events that happened in the past are being narrated. The verb 〈have〉 indicates present tense, so 〈have〉 is changed to 『had』 to conform to the past tense.