Writing prompt: Book Report of the Beach

Student essay:
This fiction reminds me of a famous classical Chinese writing Peach Blossom Spring which is also an utopian place. The ending of that classical Chinese writing is that the protagonist never finds such a place like paradise again after his leaving. It shows that these utopian places are always unreal and they can't last for ever as people still keep the humanity.
In this fiction, although the beach life seemed peaceful and animated, people were not so perfect there. As more and more tragic events came through, Richard got panicky as well as the camp members. In order to comfort the people, Sal even asked Richard to kill Karl who went mad after an accident with sharks. For this reason, Richard realized the beach was not so paradisiacal anymore and it was going to destruction, then he came to an idea of escaping. At this very moment, he managed to kill Christo who was saved from the accident with sharks by him but dying, in order to make his friend Jed willing to escape from the beach with him. The desire makes people do crazy things. Sal wanted Karl's death to keep the camp steady, and Richard killed the one he just saved to go back home. How unbelievable it is! That is one of the reasons why utopia is so unattainable. People get desire, they curse, they control others, and they kill. People also keep humanity, they trust others blindly, and they remain the viciousness without realizing. Eventually, the camp dismissed and the members just went back to the world.
Also, I think the beach is a way people escape from reality. They wish to isolate from the outside world but apparently they couldn't. They had the Rice Run, and they also need to buy some necessaries from outside for the celebration meal. They couldn't isolate from the outside completely. Richard realized this first so he determined to go back to reality. More and more people got off the island then. The camp dismissed. It disappeared as if it had never existed. Just like a beautiful dream.
Utopia won't last long.

Corrected essay:
This fiction reminds me of a famous classical Chinese writing Peach Blossom Spring which is also a utopian place. The ending of that classical Chinese writing is that the protagonist never finds such a place like paradise again after his leaving. It shows that these utopian places are always unreal and they can't last forever as people still keep the humanity.
In this fiction, although the beach life seemed peaceful and animated, people were not so perfect there. As more and more tragic events came through, Richard got panicky as well as the camp members. In order to comfort the people, Sal even asked Richard to kill Karl who went mad after an accident with sharks. For this reason, Richard realized the beach was not so paradisiacal anymore and it was going to destruction. Then he came to the idea of escaping. At this very moment, he managed to kill Christo who was saved from the accident with sharks by him but dying, in order to make his friend Jed willing to escape from the beach with him. The desire makes people do crazy things. Sal wanted Karl's death to keep the camp steady, and Richard killed the one he just saved to go back home. How unbelievable it is! That is one of the reasons why utopia is so unattainable. People have desires. They curse, they control others, and they kill others. People also keep humanity. They trust others blindly, and they remain vicious without realizing it. Eventually, the camp was dismissed and the members just went back to the world.
Also, I think the beach is a way for people to escape from reality. They wish to isolate themselves from the outside world but apparently they can't. They have the Rice Run, and they also need to buy some necessities from outside for the celebration meal. They can't isolate from the outside completely. Richard realized this first so he determined to go back to reality. More and more people got off the island then. The camp dismissed. It disappeared as if it had never existed. Just like a beautiful dream.
Utopia won't last long.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: This fiction reminds me of a famous classical Chinese writing Peach Blossom Spring which is also an utopian place.
correct_sentence: This fiction reminds me of a famous classical Chinese writing Peach Blossom Spring which is also a utopian place.
error: an
correction: a
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English pronunciation rules, when an indefinite article is followed by a word starting with a vowel sound, the indefinite article “an” should be used. However, although the word 〈utopian〉 starts with the vowel letter u, it is actually pronounced as /ju/, which is a consonant sound at the beginning. Therefore, 〈an〉 needs to be changed to 『a』 here to conform to English pronunciation rules.
error_sentence: It shows that these utopian places are always unreal and they can't last for ever as people still keep the humanity.

correct_sentence: It shows that these utopian places are always unreal and they can't last forever as people still keep the humanity.

error: for ever
correction: forever
error_type: Spelling Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Spelling Error: According to the original sentence's meaning, it intends to express 'cannot last forever'; the verb 'last' needs to be modified by the adverb 'forever' to mean 'eternally'. Therefore, the misspelled 〈for ever〉 needs to be changed to the adverb 『forever』 to match the original meaning and spelling rules.
error_sentence: For this reason, Richard realized the beach was not so paradisiacal anymore and it was going to destruction, then he came to an idea of escaping.
correct_sentence: For this reason, Richard realized the beach was not so paradisiacal anymore and it was going to destruction. Then he came to the idea of escaping.
error: , then
correction: . Then
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English syntax rules, the clauses 〈Richard realized the beach...〉 and 〈then he came to...〉 contain independent subject-verb structures and belong to two different idea groups, thus they need to be separate sentences, separated by a period. It is necessary to change 〈, then〉 to 『. Then』 to conform to English syntax rules.
error_sentence: For this reason, Richard realized the beach was not so paradisiacal anymore and it was going to destruction, then he came to an idea of escaping.
correct_sentence: Then he came to the idea of escaping.
error: an
correction: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to the original sentence's meaning, the 〈idea〉 here is a specific concept 〈escaping〉 logically derived from the preceding text, which is a specific reference, so the indefinite article “an” cannot be used to indicate a general reference. It is necessary to change 〈an〉 to 『the』 to conform to the original meaning and grammatical rules.
error_sentence: People get desire, they curse, they control others, and they kill.
correct_sentence: People have desires. They curse, they control others, and they kill others.
error: get desire, they
correction: have desires. They
error_type: Verb Choice Error
error_severity: 5
error_description: ① Verb Choice Error: According to the original sentence's meaning, it intends to express 'people have desires'. The verb 〈get〉 meaning 'obtain' does not fit the context and should be changed to the verb 『have』, which expresses a continuous state, to match the original meaning; ② Noun Number Error: According to the original sentence's meaning, the abstract noun 〈desire〉 here should be changed to its plural form 『desires』 to refer to people's specific desires in a general sense; ③ Punctuation Error: According to English syntax rules, the clauses 〈People have desires.〉 and 〈they cuese〉 contain independent subject-verb structures and belong to two different idea groups, thus they need to be separate sentences, separated by a period. It is necessary to change 〈, they〉 to 『. They』 to conform to English syntax rules.
error_sentence: People get desire, they curse, they control others, and they kill.
correct_sentence: They curse, they control others, and they kill others.
correction: others
error_type: Pronoun Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Pronoun Error: According to the original sentence's meaning, it intends to express 'they kill others'; the transitive verb lacks an object, leading to an incomplete meaning in the original sentence. Based on the preceding text, the pronoun 『others』 needs to be added after 〈kill〉 to match the original meaning.
error_sentence: People also keep humanity, they trust others blindly, and they remain the viciousness without realizing.
correct_sentence: People also keep humanity. They trust others blindly, and they remain vicious without realizing it.
error: , they
correction: . They
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English syntax rules, the clauses 〈People also keep humanity.〉 and 〈they trust others blindly〉 contain independent subject-verb structures and belong to two different idea groups, thus they need to be separate sentences, separated by a period. It is necessary to change 〈, they〉 to 『. They』 to conform to English syntax rules.
error_sentence: People also keep humanity, they trust others blindly, and they remain the viciousness without realizing.
correct_sentence: They trust others blindly, and they remain vicious without realizing it.
error: the viciousness
correction: vicious
error_type: PoS Confusion Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: PoS Confusion Error: According to English grammar rules, the linking verb “remain” needs to be followed by an adjective to express 'to keep/continue to be...'. Therefore, the noun 〈the viciousness〉 needs to be changed to the adjective 『vicious』 here to match the original meaning and grammatical rules.
error_sentence: People also keep humanity, they trust others blindly, and they remain the viciousness without realizing.
correct_sentence: They trust others blindly, and they remain vicious without realizing it.
correction: it
error_type: Pronoun Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Pronoun Error: According to English grammar rules, the transitive verb “realize” needs to be followed by an object to mean 'to be aware of...'. According to the original sentence's meaning, the pronoun 『it』 needs to be added after 〈realizing〉 here to refer to the fact 〈they remain vicious〉 from the preceding text, in order to conform to the original meaning and grammatical rules.
error_sentence: Eventually, the camp dismissed and the members just went back to the world.

correct_sentence: Eventually, the camp was dismissed and the members just went back to the world.

correction: was
error_type: Verb Voice Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Voice Error: According to the original sentence's meaning, it intends to express 'the camp was dismissed'; there is a passive relationship between 〈the camp〉 and the predicate verb 〈dismissed〉. 'Dismissing' is an action initiated by a human agent, and 〈the camp〉 is the recipient of the action. Therefore, 『was』 needs to be added before the predicate verb 〈dismissed〉 here to form the simple past passive voice to match the original meaning.
error_sentence: Also, I think the beach is a way people escape from reality.
correct_sentence: Also, I think the beach is a way for people to escape from reality.
error: people
correction: for people to
error_type: Auxiliary Error
error_severity: 5
error_description: ① Preposition Error: According to English fixed phrases, the pattern “a way for someone to do something” means 'a method for someone to do something'. Therefore, the preposition 『for』 needs to be added before 〈people〉 here to complete the sentence pattern and conform to the fixed phrase; ② Auxiliary Error: Based on the preceding modification, 〈escape〉 here is equivalent to “do”, so 『to』 needs to be added before 〈escape〉 to form a to-infinitive to conform to English fixed phrases.
error_sentence: They wish to isolate from the outside world but apparently they couldn't.
correct_sentence: They wish to isolate themselves from the outside world but apparently they can't.
correction: themselves
error_type: Pronoun Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Pronoun Error: According to the original sentence's meaning, it intends to express 'they wish to isolate themselves'. Therefore, the reflexive pronoun 『themselves』 corresponding to the subject 〈They〉 needs to be added after the transitive verb 〈isolate〉 to indicate that the actor and recipient of the action are the same, in order to match the original meaning and grammatical rules.
error_sentence: They wish to isolate from the outside world but apparently they couldn't.
correct_sentence: They wish to isolate themselves from the outside world but apparently they can't.
error: could
correction: ca
error_type: Auxiliary Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Auxiliary Error: According to the context, the verb tense needs to be simple present. “couldn't” is the negative contraction of a modal auxiliary verb in the simple past tense; there is an auxiliary error here. 〈could〉 needs to be changed to 『can』 to form the correct negative contraction of the modal auxiliary verb with “n't” to match the contextual tense.
error_sentence: They had the Rice Run, and they also need to buy some necessaries from outside for the celebration meal.
correct_sentence: They have the Rice Run, and they also need to buy some necessities from outside for the celebration meal.
error: had
correction: have
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to the context, the original text describes a regular action, requiring the use of the simple present tense of the verb. Therefore, there is a verb tense error here. The past tense 〈had〉 needs to be changed to the present tense 『have』 to match the contextual tense.
error_sentence: They had the Rice Run, and they also need to buy some necessaries from outside for the celebration meal.
correct_sentence: They have the Rice Run, and they also need to buy some necessities from outside for the celebration meal.
error: necessaries
correction: necessities
error_type: Spelling Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Spelling Error: According to the original sentence's meaning, it intends to express 'they need to buy some necessities', requiring the plural form of the countable noun 'necessity'. The correct spelling of the English word 'necessity' is “necessity”, and its plural form is made by 'changing y to i and adding es', i.e., “necessities”. Therefore, the misspelled 〈necessaries〉 needs to be changed to 『necessities』 to match the original meaning and English spelling conventions.
error_sentence: They couldn't isolate from the outside completely.
correct_sentence: They can't isolate from the outside completely.
error: could
correction: ca
error_type: Auxiliary Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Auxiliary Error: According to the context, the verb tense needs to be simple present. “couldn't” is the negative contraction of a modal auxiliary verb in the simple past tense; there is an auxiliary error here. 〈could〉 needs to be changed to 『can』 to form the correct negative contraction of the modal auxiliary verb with “n't” to match the contextual tense.