Writing prompt: My Dream

Student essay:
Everyone has his own dreams. Me too.
My fist dream is to have an intelligent mobile telephone. I have such a dream because I have no intelligent mobile telephone. My parents think it can affect study. I know it is not very good for me but I think it is interesting so I want to have it.
My second dream is to grow up and want to be a manager. I think this job is very bearing. I like to wear the work-clothes and hight-heelep shoes in the office. I like to enjoy life in the busy. So I must put great effort into my studies.
They are my dreams. As the saying goes:"Will's stand long will, is without will's and grow set his heart on." I can be a winner, for hope in vain but struggle!

Corrected essay:
Everyone has his own dreams. Me too.
My first dream is to have an intelligent mobile telephone. I have such a dream because I have no intelligent mobile telephone. My parents think it can affect my studies. I know it is not very good for me but I think it is interesting, so I want to have it. My second dream is to grow up and become a manager. I think this job is very appealing. I like to wear work clothes and high-heeled shoes in the office. I like to enjoy life while being busy. So I must put great effort into my studies.
They are my dreams. As the saying goes, "Where there is a will, there is a way." I can be a winner, not by hoping in vain but by struggling!

Error analysis:
error_sentence: My fist dream is to have an intelligent mobile telephone.
correct_sentence: My first dream is to have an intelligent mobile telephone.
error: fist
correction: first
error_type: Spelling Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Spelling Error: According to the sentence meaning, it is known that the intention here is to express “first”, therefore 〈fist〉 is a misspelling of 『first』, and it needs to be changed to 『first』 to make the sentence coherent.
error_sentence: My parents think it can affect study.
correct_sentence: My parents think it can affect my studies.
error: study
correction: my studies
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Determiner Error: Combined with the context, it is known that the intention here is to express “my studies”, the noun 〈study〉 lacks the determiner 『my』 to clarify the modified object, therefore 『my』 is added after 〈affect〉 to correctly express the sentence meaning; ② Noun Number Error: When 〈study〉 is used as a countable noun to mean “studies” (academic pursuits), it needs to be in plural form, therefore 〈study〉 is changed to 『studies』 to conform to grammatical rules.
error_sentence: but I think it is interesting so I want to have it.

correct_sentence: but I think it is interesting, so I want to have it.
correction: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: In the compound sentence, a comma is needed to separate 〈but I think...〉 and 〈so I want...〉, therefore a 『,』 is added after 〈interesting〉 to correctly separate sentence components and ensure coherence.
error_sentence: but I think it is interesting so I want to have it.

correct_sentence: but I think it is interesting, so I want to have it. My second dream is to grow up and become a manager.
error: 

error_sentence: My second dream is to grow up and want to be a manager.
correct_sentence: My second dream is to grow up and become a manager.
error: want to be
correction: become
error_type: Verb Choice Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Choice Error: 〈want to be〉 conflicts logically with the subject 〈My second dream〉, therefore 〈want to be〉 is changed to 『become』 to more accurately express the meaning of achieving a goal.
error_sentence: I think this job is very bearing.
correct_sentence: I think this job is very appealing.
error: bearing
correction: appealing
error_type: Adjective Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Adjective Error: 〈bearing〉 means “a machine part/relevance”, which does not fit the context; here, 『appealing』 (attractive) should be used to accurately describe the job's attractiveness, therefore 〈bearing〉 is changed to 『appealing』 to correctly express that the job is desirable.
error_sentence: I like to wear the work-clothes and hight-heelep shoes in the office.
correct_sentence: I like to wear work clothes and high-heeled shoes in the office.
error: the work-
correction: work
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Word Redundancy Error: The determiner 〈the〉 is redundant here, therefore 〈the〉 is deleted to simplify the expression; ② Noun Error: 〈work-clothes〉 is an incorrect compound noun, the correct form is 『work clothes』, therefore 〈work-〉 is changed to 『work』 to more accurately express the sentence meaning.
error_sentence: I like to wear the work-clothes and hight-heelep shoes in the office.
correct_sentence: I like to wear work clothes and high-heeled shoes in the office.
error: hight-heelep
correction: high-heeled
error_type: Spelling Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Spelling Error: According to the sentence meaning, it is known that the intention here is to express “high-heeled”, therefore 〈hight-heelep〉 is a misspelling of 『high-heeled』, and it needs to be changed to 『high-heeled』 to make the sentence coherent.
error_sentence: I like to enjoy life in the busy.
correct_sentence: I like to enjoy life while being busy.
error: in the
correction: while being
error_type: Other Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Other Error: The prepositional phrase 〈in the busy〉 is structurally incorrect; in English, a common expression is to use "while being busy" to indicate being in the process or state of being busy, therefore 〈in the〉 is changed to 『while being』 to correctly express enjoying life while in a busy state.
error_sentence: As the saying goes:"Will's stand long will, is without will's and grow set his heart on."
correct_sentence: As the saying goes, "Where there is a will, there is a way."
error: goes:"Will's stand long
correction: goes, "Where there is a
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Punctuation Error: A comma, not a colon, should be used before direct speech, therefore 〈goes:〉 is changed to 『goes,』 to conform to conventions; ② Space Error: The comma 『,』 here lacks a space after it before the next word, therefore a space is added after 『,』 to conform to writing conventions; ③ Sentence Structure Error: Combined with the context, it is known that the intention here is to express “Where there is a will, there is a way”, the quoted content 〈"Will's stand long〉 does not conform to grammatical structure, therefore 〈"Will's stand long〉 is changed to 『"Where there is a』 to correctly express the sentence meaning.
error_sentence: As the saying goes:"Will's stand long will, is without will's and grow set his heart on."
correct_sentence: As the saying goes, "Where there is a will, there is a way."
error: is without will's and grow set his heart on
correction: there is a way
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Sentence Structure Error: Combined with the context, it is known that the intention here is to express “Where there is a will, there is a way”, the quoted content 〈is without will's and grow set his heart on〉 is structurally chaotic and semantically incomprehensible, therefore 〈is without will's and grow set his heart on〉 is changed to 『there is a way』 to correctly express the sentence meaning.
error_sentence: I can be a winner, for hope in vain but struggle!
correct_sentence: I can be a winner, not by hoping in vain but by struggling!
error: for hope
correction: not by hoping
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Sentence Structure Error: Combined with the context, it is known that the intention here is to express “I can be a winner, not by hoping in vain but by struggling”, the preposition 〈for〉 is logically incorrect here, it should be replaced with 『by』 to introduce an adverbial of manner, and 『not』 should be added to form the contrasting structure “not by...but by...”, therefore 〈for hope〉 is changed to 『not by hoping』 to correctly express the sentence meaning.
error_sentence: I can be a winner, for hope in vain but struggle!
correct_sentence: I can be a winner, not by hoping in vain but by struggling!
error: struggle
correction: by struggling
error_type: Other Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Other Error: Combined with the context, it is known that the intention here is to express “I can be a winner, not by hoping in vain but by struggling”, the contrasting structure “not by...but by...” is used here, 〈struggle〉 is the base form of the verb and cannot be paired with the preposition 『by』, therefore 〈struggle〉 is changed to 『by struggling』 to correctly express the sentence meaning.