Writing prompt: My Family Life

Student essay:
I like Jerry's family life. Because I think Jerry's life is very warm. And you will never feel lonely. Although it sometimes will feel crowed,but mind,it is very lively. My mum,my dad and my sister are my family members. I don't have many possessions,just have a mobile phone. What's more I often help my parents to do some housework. I wash my own clothes and clean the room by myself. We have many family activities such as,go shopping,take trips and so on. We always have meals together. I love all my family very much. We are very close and often encourage each other.

Corrected essay:
I like Jerry's family life because I think Jerry's life is very warm. And you will never feel lonely. Although it sometimes feels crowded, I don't mind. It is very lively. My mum, my dad and my sister are my family members. I don't have many possessions, just a mobile phone. What's more, I often help my parents to do some housework. I wash my own clothes and clean the room by myself. We have many family activities such as going shopping, taking trips and so on. We always have meals together. I love all my family very much. We are very close and often encourage each other.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: I like Jerry's family life. Because I think Jerry's life is very warm.
correct_sentence: I like Jerry's family life because I think Jerry's life is very warm.
error: . Because
correction: because
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: A clause introduced by 〈Because〉 cannot stand alone as a sentence; it must be connected to a main clause. Therefore, 〈. Because〉 needs to be changed to 『because』 by removing the period and changing the first letter to lowercase, so that the subordinate clause is attached to the main clause.
error_sentence: Although it sometimes will feel crowed,but mind,it is very lively.
correct_sentence: Although it sometimes feels crowded, I don't mind. It is very lively.
error: will feel crowed,but mind,it
correction: feels crowded, I don't mind. It
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 5
error_description: ① Verb Tense Error: According to the original text, 〈will feel〉 expresses future tense which does not fit the context; it is changed to 『feels』 to express a general situation; ② Spelling Error: According to the original text, the intention here is to express "crowded", so 〈crowed〉 is a spelling error and should be changed to 『crowded』; ③ Conjunction Error: 〈Although〉 and 〈but〉 cannot be used together; here, the conjunction 〈but〉 needs to be deleted to conform to English sentence logical structure; ④ Sentence Structure Error: According to the meaning of the original sentence, the concessive adverbial clause and the main clause do not share the same subject, indicating that the main clause is missing a subject; therefore, 『I』 needs to be added to complete the sentence elements. Also, the original sentence intends to express "I don't mind", indicating a missing auxiliary verb; therefore, 『don't』 needs to be added here, ultimately forming 『I don't mind』 to ensure semantic completeness of the sentence; ⑤ Punctuation Error: According to English writing conventions, when a sentence ends, punctuation marks should be used correctly. From the original declarative sentence, it can be seen that the comma should be changed to a period, i.e., 〈mind,〉 should be 『mind.』; ⑥ Case Error: According to English writing conventions, the first letter of the word at the beginning of a sentence and the first letter of proper nouns need to be capitalized; therefore, 〈it〉 needs to be changed to 『It』 to conform to the intended meaning and writing conventions.
error_sentence: I don't have many possessions,just have a mobile phone.
correct_sentence: I don't have many possessions, just a mobile phone.
error: have
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Word Redundancy Error: 〈have〉 in 〈just have〉 is redundant with 〈don't have〉 in the first half of the sentence. Deleting 〈have〉 makes the sentence more concise; retaining only 『just a mobile phone』 is sufficient to express the complete meaning.
error_sentence: What's more I often help my parents to do some housework.
correct_sentence: What's more, I often help my parents to do some housework.
correction: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: The phrase 〈What's more〉, as an interjection, needs to be followed by a comma to separate it from the main clause. Therefore, a 『,』 needs to be added after 〈What's more〉 to conform to English punctuation rules.
error_sentence: We have many family activities such as,go shopping,take trips and so on.
correct_sentence: We have many family activities such as going shopping, taking trips and so on.
error: ,go
correction: going
error_type: Nonfinite Verb Form Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Punctuation Error: According to English writing conventions, a comma is not needed after “such as” to separate the following content; therefore, the extra comma should be deleted here, changing it to 『such as going』; ② Nonfinite Verb Form Error: The prepositional phrase 〈such as〉 needs to be followed by a gerund form. Therefore, 〈go〉 needs to be changed to 『going』, so that 『going shopping』 conforms to the nonfinite verb usage after a preposition.
error_sentence: We have many family activities such as,go shopping,take trips and so on.
correct_sentence: We have many family activities such as going shopping, taking trips and so on.
error: take
correction: taking
error_type: Nonfinite Verb Form Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Nonfinite Verb Form Error: According to English grammatical structure, when parallel with the preceding activity, 〈take trips〉 needs to maintain consistency in the gerund form. Therefore, 〈take〉 is changed to 『taking』 to form the parallel structure 『taking trips』.