Writing prompt: The Medical Difference between China and America

Student essay:
As is known to all, different living condition would lead to different culture and opinion. And the differences enlarge with the space widening. Take the differences between China and America as examples. If one has a fever, in China, people tend to add more quilt to cover the patient and wait for the sweat. On the contrary, Americans are apt to use no quilt and even use ice cubes to cool the body of the fever people. This phenomenon can trace back to the different medical opinions. People in China are famous for traditional Chinese medicine, while Americans are more likely to prefer to the western medicine. The balance between Yin and Yang in traditional Chinese medicine is of vital importance. Chinese people believe that if one gets ill, it must be imbalanced in the inner body and what we should do is to use some mild herb to restore the balance inside the body. However American people, or to be more accurate, western medicine is goal-oriented with lots of side-effects. We cannot judge which opinion on medicine or illness is correct and scientific, for both of them are the fruit of long-term accumulation.

Corrected essay:
As is known to all, different living conditions would lead to different cultures and opinions. And the differences enlarge with the space widening. Take the differences between China and America as examples. If one has a fever, in China, people tend to add more quilts to cover the patient and wait for the sweat. On the contrary, Americans are apt to use no quilt and even use ice cubes to cool the body of the fevered person. This phenomenon can be traced back to the different medical opinions. People in China are famous for traditional Chinese medicine, while Americans are more likely to prefer western medicine. The balance between Yin and Yang in traditional Chinese medicine is of vital importance. Chinese people believe that if one gets ill, it must be due to an imbalance in the inner body, and what we should do is to use some mild herbs to restore the balance inside the body. However, American people, or to be more accurate, western medicine, is goal-oriented with lots of side-effects. We cannot judge which opinion on medicine or illness is correct and scientific, for both of them are the fruit of long-term accumulation.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: As is known to all, different living condition would lead to different culture and opinion.
correct_sentence: As is known to all, different living conditions would lead to different cultures and opinions.
error: condition
correction: conditions
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Noun Number Error: According to English grammar rules, 〈different〉 should be followed by a plural noun to indicate multiple categories; in the original sentence, 〈condition〉 should be in plural form, so 〈condition〉 should be changed to 『conditions』 to comply with English grammar rules.
error_sentence: As is known to all, different living condition would lead to different culture and opinion.
correct_sentence: As is known to all, different living conditions would lead to different cultures and opinions.
error: culture and opinion
correction: cultures and opinions
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Noun Number Error: According to English grammar rules, 〈different〉 should be followed by a plural noun to indicate multiple categories; in the original sentence, 〈culture and opinion〉 should be in plural form, so 〈culture and opinion〉 should be changed to 『cultures and opinions』 to comply with English grammar rules.
error_sentence: If one has a fever, in China, people tend to add more quilt to cover the patient and wait for the sweat.
correct_sentence: If one has a fever, in China, people tend to add more quilts to cover the patient and wait for the sweat.
error: quilt
correction: quilts
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Noun Number Error: According to English grammar rules, 〈more〉 should be followed by a plural noun to indicate a larger quantity; in the original sentence, 〈quilt〉 should be in plural form, so 〈quilt〉 should be changed to 『quilts』 to comply with English grammar rules.
error_sentence: On the contrary, Americans are apt to use no quilt and even use ice cubes to cool the body of the fever people.
correct_sentence: On the contrary, Americans are apt to use no quilt and even use ice cubes to cool the body of the fevered person.
error: fever people
correction: fevered person
error_type: PoS Confusion Error
error_severity: 5
error_description: ① PoS Confusion Error: According to the context, the meaning here is 'a person with a fever'; 〈fever〉 is a noun and cannot directly modify 〈people〉, so 〈fever〉 needs to be changed to the adjective form 『fevered』 to fit the meaning; ② Noun Number Error: According to the context, singular form should be used here; 〈people〉 is a plural noun, so 〈people〉 needs to be changed to 『person』 to fit the meaning.
error_sentence: This phenomenon can trace back to the different medical opinions.
correct_sentence: This phenomenon can be traced back to the different medical opinions.
error: trace
correction: be traced
error_type: Verb Voice Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Voice Error: According to the context, the meaning here is 'be traced back', and passive voice should be used; the passive voice structure in the original sentence is incomplete, therefore 〈trace〉 needs to be changed to 『be traced』 to fit the context.
error_sentence: People in China are famous for traditional Chinese medicine, while Americans are more likely to prefer to the western medicine.
correct_sentence: People in China are famous for traditional Chinese medicine, while Americans are more likely to prefer western medicine.
error: to the
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Word Redundancy Error: According to the context, 『prefer western medicine』 directly expresses 'prefer western medicine'; 〈to the〉 in the original sentence is a redundant component and therefore needs to be deleted to make the sentence more concise and semantically clear.
error_sentence: Chinese people believe that if one gets ill, it must be imbalanced in the inner body and what we should do is to use some mild herb to restore the balance inside the body.
correct_sentence: Chinese people believe that if one gets ill, it must be due to an imbalance in the inner body, and what we should do is to use some mild herbs to restore the balance inside the body.
error: imbalanced
correction: due to an imbalance
error_type: Verb Choice Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Choice Error: According to the context, the meaning here is 'due to an ambulance'; the original phrase 〈be imbalanced〉 is a state description and cannot directly serve as the result in a predicative clause, so it needs to be changed to 『due to an imbalance』 to express a causal relationship and fit the meaning.
error_sentence: Chinese people believe that if one gets ill, it must be imbalanced in the inner body and what we should do is to use some mild herb to restore the balance inside the body.
correct_sentence: Chinese people believe that if one gets ill, it must be due to an imbalance in the inner body, and what we should do is to use some mild herbs to restore the balance inside the body.
correction: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English expression habits, when the coordinating conjunction 〈and〉 connects two independent clauses, a comma needs to be added at the end of the preceding clause; therefore, insert 『,』 to clarify the sentence structure.
error_sentence: Chinese people believe that if one gets ill, it must be imbalanced in the inner body and what we should do is to use some mild herb to restore the balance inside the body.
correct_sentence: Chinese people believe that if one gets ill, it must be due to an imbalance in the inner body, and what we should do is to use some mild herbs to restore the balance inside the body.
error: herb
correction: herbs
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Noun Number Error: According to English grammar rules, the quantifier 〈some〉 should be followed by a plural noun to indicate multiple objects, while 〈herb〉 in the original sentence is singular; therefore, 〈herb〉 is changed to the plural form 『herbs』 to comply with English grammar rules.
error_sentence: However American people, or to be more accurate, western medicine is goal-oriented with lots of side-effects.
correct_sentence: However, American people, or to be more accurate, western medicine, is goal-oriented with lots of side-effects.
correction: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English expression habits, when 〈However〉 is used as an adverb to introduce a sentence, it needs to be followed by a comma; therefore, a 『,』 needs to be added after 〈However〉 to conform to expression habits.
error_sentence: However American people, or to be more accurate, western medicine is goal-oriented with lots of side-effects.
correct_sentence: However, American people, or to be more accurate, western medicine, is goal-oriented with lots of side-effects.
correction: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English expression habits, the appositive phrase 〈western medicine〉, serving as a supplementary component, needs to be set off by commas before and after; therefore, a 『,』 is added after 〈medicine〉 to conform to conventions.