Writing prompt: Sharing

Student essay:
It's crucial for teenagers to always share your own things with your friends. Participate is a way to communicate with others. I also have lots of experience of sharing.
Once a time, my parents bought some chocolates for me. They were so delicious. And my parents asked me to share them with my friends. But, at first, I didn't do it because I thought that they just belonged to me and I didn't want to share. However, my mom told me something and I had to share chocolates with my friends. After that, my friends and I enjoyed them together and shared some happy things that in our life with each other. Suddenly, I realized that sharing is a really good thing. I can not only get happiness but also give happiness to others when I share something with people. From then on, I always share my own things with other people.
Everyone should learn to share something with other people around you

Corrected essay:
It's crucial for teenagers to always share their own things with their friends. Participating is a way to communicate with others. I also have lots of experience of sharing.
Once a time, my parents bought some chocolates for me. They were so delicious. And my parents asked me to share them with my friends. But, at first, I didn't do it because I thought that they just belonged to me and I didn't want to share. However, my mom told me something and I had to share the chocolates with my friends. After that, my friends and I enjoyed them together and shared some happy things in our lives with each other. Suddenly, I realized that sharing is a really good thing. I can not only get happiness but also give happiness to others when I share something with people. From then on, I always share my own things with other people.
Everyone should learn to share something with other people around them.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: It's crucial for teenagers to always share your own things with your friends.
correct_sentence: It's crucial for teenagers to always share their own things with their friends.
error: your
correction: their
error_type: Pronoun Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Pronoun Error: The pronoun 〈your〉 is inconsistent in person with 〈teenagers〉, therefore 〈your〉 is changed to 『their』 to correctly refer to the subject, maintaining pronoun consistency.
error_sentence: It's crucial for teenagers to always share your own things with your friends.
correct_sentence: It's crucial for teenagers to always share their own things with their friends.
error: your
correction: their
error_type: Pronoun Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Pronoun Error: The pronoun 〈your〉 is inconsistent in person with 〈teenagers〉, therefore 〈your〉 is changed to 『their』 to correctly refer to the subject, maintaining pronoun consistency.
error_sentence: Participate is a way to communicate with others.
correct_sentence: Participating is a way to communicate with others.
error: Participate
correction: Participating
error_type: Nonfinite Verb Form Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Nonfinite Verb Form Error: According to English grammar rules, when the subject of a sentence is an action or behavior, the subject needs to be in the gerund form, therefore 〈Participate〉 is changed to the gerund 『Participating』 to comply with grammatical rules.
error_sentence: However, my mom told me something and I had to share chocolates with my friends.
correct_sentence: However, my mom told me something and I had to share the chocolates with my friends.
correction: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: The noun 〈chocolates〉 specifically refers to the chocolates mentioned earlier, therefore the definite article 『the』 is added before 〈chocolates〉 to clarify the object being referred to.
error_sentence: After that, my friends and I enjoyed them together and shared some happy things that in our life with each other.
correct_sentence: After that, my friends and I enjoyed them together and shared some happy things in our lives with each other.
error: that
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Word Redundancy Error: Here, the prepositional phrase 〈in our lives〉 can directly modify 〈things〉; the relative word 〈that〉 is unnecessary in the sentence, therefore 〈that〉 is deleted to improve sentence conciseness.
error_sentence: After that, my friends and I enjoyed them together and shared some happy things that in our life with each other.
correct_sentence: After that, my friends and I enjoyed them together and shared some happy things in our lives with each other.
error: life
correction: lives
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Noun Number Error: The pronoun 〈our〉 is plural, so the head noun needs to be in plural form, therefore 〈life〉 is changed to 『lives』 to achieve number agreement.
error_sentence: Everyone should learn to share something with other people around you
correct_sentence: Everyone should learn to share something with other people around them.
error: you
correction: them.
error_type: Pronoun Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Pronoun Error: The pronoun 〈you〉 is inconsistent in person with the subject 〈Everyone〉; according to the generic meaning, the third-person plural 『them』 should be used to maintain referential consistency, therefore 〈you〉 is changed to 『them』 to correctly refer to the subject; ② Punctuation Error: 『Everyone should learn to share something with other people around them』 is a declarative sentence and is complete, therefore a 『.』 is added after 『them』 to comply with punctuation rules.