Writing prompt: My Favorite Traditional Chinese Festival

Student essay:
I want to talk about my favorite festival today. My favorite Chinese festival is Spring Festival.
It's celebrated in January in the lunar calendar. It's Chinese new year. Spring Festival is the most important festival in China.
During this festival,people in China get together and have a big meal. In many places people like to set off firecrackers and fireworks to celebrate it. And dumplings are the most traditional food during the festival.
It is my favorite festival because I don't have to go to school,and I can get some new clothes,eat a lot of delicious food,and get some red envelopes,too. Children like the festival very much,because they can have delicious food and wear new clothes. They can also get some money from their parents. This money is given to children for good luck.
It makes me feel very exciting,and happy,of course.
People put New Year scrolls on the wall for good fortune. The Spring Festival lasts about 15 days long. People visit relatives and friends with the words "Have all your wishes ". People enjoy the Spring Festival,during this time they can have a good rest.
What is your favorite festival? Tell me about it!
Best wishes for you!

Corrected essay:
I want to talk about my favorite festival today. My favorite Chinese festival is the Spring Festival.
It's celebrated in January in the lunar calendar. It's Chinese New Year. The Spring Festival is the most important festival in China.
During this festival, people in China get together and have a big meal. In many places people like to set off firecrackers and fireworks to celebrate it. And dumplings are the most traditional food during the festival.
It is my favorite festival because I don't have to go to school, and I can get some new clothes, eat a lot of delicious food and get some red envelopes, too. Children like the festival very much because they can have delicious food and wear new clothes. They can also get some money from their parents. This money is given to children for good luck.
It makes me feel very excited and happy, of course.
People put New Year scrolls on the wall for good fortune. The Spring Festival lasts about 15 days. People visit relatives and friends with the words "Have all your wishes." People enjoy the Spring Festival, and during this time they can have a good rest.
What is your favorite festival? Tell me about it!
Best wishes for you!

Error analysis:
error_sentence: My favorite Chinese festival is Spring Festival.

correct_sentence: My favorite Chinese festival is the Spring Festival.

correction: the
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English expression habits, when the festival name 〈Spring Festival〉 is used as a specific proper noun, the definite article 『the』 needs to be added; therefore, 〈Spring Festival〉 needs to be changed to 『the Spring Festival』 to conform to the expression.
error_sentence: It's Chinese new year.
correct_sentence: It's Chinese New Year. The Spring Festival is the most important festival in China.

error: new year.
correction: New Year. The
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Case Error: According to English writing conventions, the first letter of proper nouns needs to be capitalized; 〈Chinese new year〉 is a proper noun meaning “New Year”, so 〈Chinese new year〉 needs to be changed to 『Chinese New Year』 to conform to the convention. ② Determiner Error: According to English expression habits, when the festival name 〈Spring Festival〉 is used as a specific proper noun, the definite article 『The』 needs to be added; therefore, 〈Spring Festival〉 needs to be changed to 『The Spring Festival』 to conform to the expression.
error_sentence: It is my favorite festival because I don't have to go to school,and I can get some new clothes,eat a lot of delicious food,and get some red envelopes,too.
correct_sentence: It is my favorite festival because I don't have to go to school, and I can get some new clothes, eat a lot of delicious food and get some red envelopes, too.
error: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English expression habits, a comma is not needed before the coordinating conjunction 〈and〉; therefore, the redundant 〈,〉 is deleted to make the sentence conform to English parallel structure and expression habits.
error_sentence: Children like the festival very much,because they can have delicious food and wear new clothes.
correct_sentence: Children like the festival very much because they can have delicious food and wear new clothes.
error: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English expression habits, a comma is not needed between the adverbial clause 〈because they can...〉 and the main clause 〈Children like...〉; the 〈,〉 is deleted to conform to English expression habits.
error_sentence: It makes me feel very exciting,and happy,of course.

correct_sentence: It makes me feel very excited and happy, of course.

error: exciting,
correction: excited
error_type: Adjective Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Adjective Error: According to the context, the meaning here is “excited”; 〈exciting〉 describes the characteristics of things, while here it needs to express human feelings, so 〈exciting〉 needs to be changed to 『excited』 to fit the context.
error_sentence: The Spring Festival lasts about 15 days long.
correct_sentence: The Spring Festival lasts about 15 days.
error: long
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Word Redundancy Error: According to the context, 〈lasts about 15 days〉 already fully expresses the duration; 〈long〉 is a redundant component, deleting it will not affect the completeness of the sentence, but rather make the expression more concise.
error_sentence: People visit relatives and friends with the words "Have all your wishes ".
correct_sentence: People visit relatives and friends with the words "Have all your wishes."
error: ".
correction: ."
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English writing conventions, the period of a direct quotation should be placed inside the quotation marks; therefore, 〈".〉 is changed to 『."』 to conform to English quotation mark usage rules.
error_sentence: People enjoy the Spring Festival,during this time they can have a good rest.

correct_sentence: People enjoy the Spring Festival, and during this time they can have a good rest.

correction: and
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Conjunction Error: According to English grammar rules, in the original sentence, 〈People enjoy the Spring Festival〉 and 〈during this time they can have a good rest〉 as a parallel structure need to be connected by 『and』; therefore, the original sentence needs to add 『and』 to conform to English grammar rules.