Writing prompt: Ban Smoking in Public Places

Student essay:
In order to ban cigarettes, the Chinese government decided to stick signs of "No Cigarettes" in all indoor public areas throughout the whole country from November 1st, 2011.
According to the informations, There are 3.5 billion people who have the habit of smoking and near 5.4 billion people affected by second-hand smoke in China. More than 10 million people are died because of second-hand smoke each year. According to the report, There are 75% of the smokers are males and 25% of the smokers are females.

Corrected essay:
In order to ban cigarettes, the Chinese government decided to stick signs of "No Cigarettes" in all indoor public areas throughout the whole country from November 1st, 2011.
According to the information, there are 350 million people who have the habit of smoking and nearly 540 million people affected by second-hand smoke in China. More than 10 million people die because of second-hand smoke each year. According to the report, 75% of the smokers are males and 25% of the smokers are females.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: According to the informations, There are 3.5 billion people who have the habit of smoking and near 5.4 billion people affected by second-hand smoke in China.
correct_sentence: According to the information, there are 350 million people who have the habit of smoking and nearly 540 million people affected by second-hand smoke in China.
error: informations, There are 3.5 billion
correction: information, there are 350 million
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Noun Number Error: According to English grammar rules, 〈informations〉 is the incorrect plural form of the uncountable noun (information); it should be corrected to the singular form 『information』 to comply with the usage rules for uncountable nouns.; ② Case Error: The word 〈There〉 is in the middle of the sentence, not at the beginning; according to English capitalization rules, it should be changed to the lowercase form 『there』 to maintain sentence structure coherence.; ③ Number Error: According to actual data from China, the correct quantity here is '350 million', so the incorrect numerical expression 〈3.5 billion〉 is modified to 『350 million』 to reflect reality.
error_sentence: According to the informations, There are 3.5 billion people who have the habit of smoking and near 5.4 billion people affected by second-hand smoke in China.
correct_sentence: According to the information, there are 350 million people who have the habit of smoking and nearly 540 million people affected by second-hand smoke in China.
error: near 5.4 billion
correction: nearly 540 million
error_type: Adverb Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Adverb Error: 〈near〉 is an adjective or preposition and cannot directly modify a number. According to the sentence meaning, the adverb 『nearly』 (close to) should be used here to correctly modify the numerical value, forming the standard expression 『nearly 540 million』.; ② Number Error: The original value 〈5.4 billion〉 does not match actual data from China; it is corrected to 『540 million』 based on contextual meaning to ensure data accuracy.
error_sentence: More than 10 million people are died because of second-hand smoke each year.
correct_sentence: More than 10 million people die because of second-hand smoke each year.
error: are died
correction: die
error_type: Verb Voice Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Verb Voice Error: 〈are died〉 is a passive voice structure; because the verb 〈die〉 can express the meaning in active voice, the auxiliary verb 〈are〉 is not needed. After removing the redundant component, it is changed to the active voice structure 『die』, forming a correct subject-verb structure.; ② Verb Tense Error: The sentence describes an objective fact or a general phenomenon (something that happens every year); according to English tense rules, the simple present tense should be used, so 〈are died〉 is changed to 『die』 to meet the tense requirement.
error_sentence: According to the report, There are 75% of the smokers are males and 25% of the smokers are females.
correct_sentence: According to the report, 75% of the smokers are males and 25% of the smokers are females.
error: There are
error_type: Sentence Redundancy Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Case Error: The original sentence 〈There are 75% of...〉 is preceded by a comma; there is a capitalization error here, and the character after the comma should be changed to lowercase to comply with English writing conventions.; ② Sentence Structure Error: The original sentence 〈There are 75% of...〉 has a redundant 'There are' structure, causing the main clause and predicative to be repetitive. After deleting 『There are』, the sentence is adjusted to the more concise and standard 『75% of the smokers are ...』 pattern, making the expression clearer and more direct.