Writing prompt: After-School Activities

Student essay:
Nowadays,after-school activities are becoming more and more popular in high schools.
After-school activities do not occupy students' too much time. In fact, it is unhealthy for them to spend all of time on their study. As an old saying goes: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.so in my opinion,after-school activities is very important.From the activities, we can learn many valuable things that we won't learn in classrooms

Corrected essay:
Nowadays, after-school activities are becoming more and more popular in high schools.
After-school activities do not occupy too much time of students. In fact, it is unhealthy for them to spend all of the time on their study. As an old saying goes, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. So in my opinion, after-school activities are very important. From the activities, we can learn many valuable things that we won't learn in classrooms.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: After-school activities do not occupy students' too much time.
correct_sentence: After-school activities do not occupy too much time of students.
error: students'
error_type: Noun Possessive Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Noun Possessive Error: According to English noun possessive usage rules, 〈students'〉 is not applicable here because the sentence expresses that activities do not occupy “time belonging to students”, not “time owned by students”. Therefore, the possessive form 〈students'〉 is deleted to avoid a grammatical error.
error_sentence: After-school activities do not occupy students' too much time.
correct_sentence: After-school activities do not occupy too much time of students.
correction: of students
error_type: Noun Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Preposition Error: According to English possessive relationship expression norms, the preposition 『of』 needs to be added between 〈time〉 and 『students』 to form the correct possessive relationship, i.e., 『time of students』; ② Noun Error: According to English semantic completeness requirements, the noun 『students』 must be added after the preposition 『of』 to clarify the object to which “time” belongs, with the complete expression being 『too much time of students』.
error_sentence: In fact, it is unhealthy for them to spend all of time on their study.
correct_sentence: In fact, it is unhealthy for them to spend all of the time on their study.
correction: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English fixed collocation rules, the definite article 『the』 must be used in the phrase 〈all of time〉 to specify the time range, therefore it is modified to 『all of the time』 to ensure grammatical integrity.
error_sentence: As an old saying goes: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.so in my opinion,after-school activities is very important.
correct_sentence: As an old saying goes, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
error: : All
correction: , all
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Punctuation Error: According to English direct quotation norms, a comma is usually used before a quotation instead of a colon, therefore 〈: All〉 is replaced with 『, all』 to conform to standard writing conventions; ② Case Error: According to English capitalization rules after punctuation, 〈All〉 after the colon should be changed to lowercase 『all』 to fit the sentence structure.
error_sentence: As an old saying goes: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.so in my opinion,after-school activities is very important.
correct_sentence: As an old saying goes, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. So in my opinion, after-school activities are very important.
error: boy.so
correction: boy. So
error_type: Space Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: ① Space Error: According to English punctuation usage norms, a space must be added after the period in 〈boy.so〉, therefore 〈boy.so〉 is changed to 『boy. So』; ② Case Error: According to English sentence capitalization rules, the first letter of the conjunction 〈so〉 must be capitalized when it starts a new sentence, therefore it is modified to 『boy. So』 to conform to writing rules.
error_sentence: As an old saying goes: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.so in my opinion,after-school activities is very important.
correct_sentence: So in my opinion, after-school activities are very important.
error: is
correction: are
error_type: Subject-Verb Agreement Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Subject-Verb Agreement Error: According to English subject-verb agreement principles, the subject 〈after-school activities〉 is a plural noun, so the verb should be in the plural form 『are』 instead of the singular 〈is〉, therefore 〈is〉 is changed to the plural form 『are』 to maintain subject-verb agreement.
error_sentence: From the activities, we can learn many valuable things that we won't learn in classrooms
correct_sentence: From the activities, we can learn many valuable things that we won't learn in classrooms.
correction: .
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English sentence ending rules, a period must be added after 〈classrooms〉, resulting in 『classrooms.』, to indicate the complete end of the sentence.