Writing prompt: A Swimmer Luo Xuejuan

Student essay:
Luo xuejuan Nickname is lolo, 23 years old.Luo xuejuan was born in 1984 in hangzhou city, zhejiang province, is China's national swimming athlete. She is very like the swimming, swimming training since she was young.Since 2000, has won many national games and the Asian games champion luo xuejuan, broken national breaststroke records and Asian record for many times, and won a good ranking in the world.In 2003 to win three gold MEDALS in the world championships in Barcelona, In 2004 by 1 minute, 6 seconds in Athens 64 Olympic record on the women's 100 m breaststroke achievements, won the first. Because of body reason, now retired, will be to study at a university in Beijing.

Corrected essay:
Luo Xuejuan's nickname is Lolo, and she was 23 years old. Luo Xuejuan was born in 1984 in Hangzhou City, Zhejiang Province. She is China's national swimming athlete. She liked swimming very much and started swimming training when she was young. Since 2000, she has won many national games and the Asian Games championships, broken national breaststroke records and Asian records many times, and achieved good rankings in the world. In 2003, she won three gold medals in the World Championships in Barcelona. In 2004, with a time of 1 minute and 6 seconds, she set an Olympic record in the women's 100m breaststroke in Athens and won first place. Due to health reasons, she is now retired and plans to study at a university in Beijing.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: Luo xuejuan Nickname is lolo, 23 years old.
correct_sentence: Luo Xuejuan's nickname is Lolo, and she was 23 years old.
error: xuejuan Nickname is lolo,
correction: Xuejuan's nickname is Lolo, and she was
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Sentence Structure Error: The original sentence is logically chaotic and semantically unclear; considering the context, it is understood that the intended meaning is 'Luo Xuejuan's nickname is Lolo, and she was 23 years old', therefore 〈xuejuan Nickname is lolo,〉 is changed to 『Xuejuan's nickname is Lolo, and she was』 to make the meaning coherent and conform to grammatical rules.
error_sentence: Luo xuejuan was born in 1984 in hangzhou city, zhejiang province, is China's national swimming athlete.
correct_sentence: Luo Xuejuan was born in 1984 in Hangzhou City, Zhejiang Province.
error: xuejuan
correction: Xuejuan
error_type: Case Error
error_severity: 1
error_description: Case Error: According to English writing conventions, the first letter of proper nouns needs to be capitalized; 〈xuejuan〉 is a proper noun representing a person's name, therefore 〈xuejuan〉 needs to be changed to 『Xuejuan』 to conform to the convention.
error_sentence: Luo xuejuan was born in 1984 in hangzhou city, zhejiang province, is China's national swimming athlete.
correct_sentence: Luo Xuejuan was born in 1984 in Hangzhou City, Zhejiang Province. She is China's national swimming athlete.
error: hangzhou city, zhejiang province,
correction: Hangzhou City, Zhejiang Province. She
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Case Error: According to English writing conventions, the first letter of proper nouns needs to be capitalized; 〈hangzhou city〉 is a proper noun representing 'Hangzhou City', therefore 〈hangzhou city〉 needs to be changed to 『Hangzhou City』 to conform to the convention; ② Case Error: According to English writing conventions, the first letter of proper nouns needs to be capitalized; 〈zhejiang province〉 is a proper noun representing 'Zhejiang Province', therefore 〈zhejiang province〉 needs to be changed to 『Zhejiang Province』 to conform to the convention; ③ Sentence Structure Error: 〈Luo xuejuan was born in 1984 in hangzhou city, zhejiang province〉 is a complete sentence; it needs to be separated and the subject 『She』 for the following sentence needs to be added, therefore 〈province,〉 is changed to 『Province. She』 to standardize the sentence structure.
error_sentence: She is very like the swimming, swimming training since she was young.
correct_sentence: She liked swimming very much and started swimming training when she was young.
error: is very like the swimming,
correction: liked swimming very much and started
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Sentence Structure Error: The original sentence is logically chaotic and semantically unclear; considering the context, it is understood that the intended meaning is 'She liked swimming very much and started swimming training since she was young', therefore 〈is very like the swimming,〉 is changed to 『liked swimming very much and started』 to make the meaning coherent and conform to grammatical rules.
error_sentence: She is very like the swimming, swimming training since she was young.
correct_sentence: She liked swimming very much and started swimming training when she was young.
error: since
correction: when
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Conjunction Error: The conjunction 〈since〉 indicates a starting point in time, whereas a specific time point conjunction is needed here; 『when』 should be used to connect the adverbial clause of time, therefore 〈since〉 is changed to 『when』 to conform to grammatical rules.
error_sentence: Since 2000, has won many national games and the Asian games champion luo xuejuan, broken national breaststroke records and Asian record for many times, and won a good ranking in the world.
correct_sentence: Since 2000, she has won many national games and the Asian Games championships, broken national breaststroke records and Asian records many times, and achieved good rankings in the world.
correction: she
error_type: Pronoun Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Pronoun Error: The sentence lacks a subject to refer to the preceding agent of action 〈Luo Xuejuan〉, therefore 『she』 is added before 〈has〉 to make the sentence structure complete.
error_sentence: Since 2000, has won many national games and the Asian games champion luo xuejuan, broken national breaststroke records and Asian record for many times, and won a good ranking in the world.
correct_sentence: Since 2000, she has won many national games and the Asian Games championships, broken national breaststroke records and Asian records many times, and achieved good rankings in the world.
error: games champion luo xuejuan
correction: Games championships
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Case Error: According to English writing conventions, the first letter of proper nouns needs to be capitalized; 〈Asian games〉 is a proper noun representing 'Asian Games', therefore 〈games〉 needs to be changed to 『Games』 to conform to the convention; ② Noun Number Error: 〈many〉 is followed by a plural countable noun, therefore 〈champion〉 is changed to 『championships』 to conform to grammatical rules; ③ Word Redundancy Error: The subject of the sentence is 『she』, therefore 〈luo xuejuan〉 is deleted to standardize the sentence structure.
error_sentence: Since 2000, has won many national games and the Asian games champion luo xuejuan, broken national breaststroke records and Asian record for many times, and won a good ranking in the world.
correct_sentence: Since 2000, she has won many national games and the Asian Games championships, broken national breaststroke records and Asian records many times, and achieved good rankings in the world.
error: record for
correction: records
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Noun Number Error: 〈record〉 should be changed to the plural form 『records』 to match the quantity expression 〈many times〉, meaning 'multiple records', therefore 〈record〉 is changed to 『records』 to conform to grammatical rules; ② Word Redundancy Error: The preposition 〈for〉 is redundant and disrupts the sentence structure, therefore 〈for〉 is deleted to standardize the sentence structure.
error_sentence: Since 2000, has won many national games and the Asian games champion luo xuejuan, broken national breaststroke records and Asian record for many times, and won a good ranking in the world.
correct_sentence: Since 2000, she has won many national games and the Asian Games championships, broken national breaststroke records and Asian records many times, and achieved good rankings in the world.
error: won a good ranking
correction: achieved good rankings
error_type: Verb Choice Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Verb Choice Error: 〈won〉 is inappropriately paired with 〈ranking〉; 『achieved』 should be used to mean 'achieved good rankings', therefore 〈won〉 is changed to 『achieved』 to correctly express the sentence meaning; ② Noun Number Error: 〈ranking〉 needs to be in plural form to represent multiple achievements, therefore 〈a good ranking〉 is changed to 『good rankings』 to conform to grammatical rules.
error_sentence: In 2003 to win three gold MEDALS in the world championships in Barcelona, In 2004 by 1 minute, 6 seconds in Athens 64 Olympic record on the women's 100 m breaststroke achievements, won the first.
correct_sentence: In 2003, she won three gold medals in the World Championships in Barcelona.
error: to win
correction: , she won
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Sentence Structure Error: The original sentence is logically chaotic and semantically unclear; considering the context, it is understood that the intended meaning is 'In 2003, she won three gold medals in the World Championships in Barcelona', therefore 〈to win〉 is changed to 『, she won』 to make the meaning coherent and conform to grammatical rules.
error_sentence: In 2003 to win three gold MEDALS in the world championships in Barcelona, In 2004 by 1 minute, 6 seconds in Athens 64 Olympic record on the women's 100 m breaststroke achievements, won the first.
correct_sentence: In 2003, she won three gold medals in the World Championships in Barcelona.
error: MEDALS
correction: medals
error_type: Case Error
error_severity: 1
error_description: Case Error: 〈MEDALS〉 does not need to be in all capital letters, therefore 〈MEDALS〉 is changed to 『medals』 to conform to writing conventions.
error_sentence: In 2003 to win three gold MEDALS in the world championships in Barcelona, In 2004 by 1 minute, 6 seconds in Athens 64 Olympic record on the women's 100 m breaststroke achievements, won the first.
correct_sentence: In 2003, she won three gold medals in the World Championships in Barcelona.
error: world championships
correction: World Championships
error_type: Case Error
error_severity: 1
error_description: Case Error: According to English writing conventions, the first letter of proper nouns needs to be capitalized; 〈world championships〉 is a proper noun representing 'World Championships', therefore 〈world championships〉 needs to be changed to 『World Championships』 to conform to the convention.
error_sentence: In 2003 to win three gold MEDALS in the world championships in Barcelona, In 2004 by 1 minute, 6 seconds in Athens 64 Olympic record on the women's 100 m breaststroke achievements, won the first.
correct_sentence: In 2003, she won three gold medals in the World Championships in Barcelona.
error: ,
correction: .
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: 『 In 2003, she won three gold medals in the World Championships in Barcelona』 and 〈In 2004 by 1 minute, 6 seconds in Athens 64 Olympic record on the women's 100 m breaststroke achievements, won the first〉 contain independent subject-verb structures and can be independent sentences, therefore 〈,〉 is changed to 『.』.
error_sentence: In 2003 to win three gold MEDALS in the world championships in Barcelona, In 2004 by 1 minute, 6 seconds in Athens 64 Olympic record on the women's 100 m breaststroke achievements, won the first.
correct_sentence: In 2004, with a time of 1 minute and 6 seconds, she set an Olympic record in the women's 100m breaststroke in Athens and won first place.
error: by
correction: , with a time of
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Sentence Structure Error: The original sentence is logically chaotic and semantically unclear; considering the context, it is understood that the intended meaning is 'In 2004, with a time of 1 minute and 6 seconds, she set an Olympic record in the women's 100m breaststroke in Athens', therefore 〈by〉 is changed to 『, with a time of』 to make the meaning coherent and conform to grammatical rules.
error_sentence: In 2003 to win three gold MEDALS in the world championships in Barcelona, In 2004 by 1 minute, 6 seconds in Athens 64 Olympic record on the women's 100 m breaststroke achievements, won the first.
correct_sentence: In 2004, with a time of 1 minute and 6 seconds, she set an Olympic record in the women's 100m breaststroke in Athens and won first place.
error: ,
correction: and
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Conjunction Error: The correct expression for '1 minute 6 seconds' is '1 minute and 6 seconds', therefore 〈,〉 is changed to 『and』 to make the meaning coherent and conform to grammatical rules.
error_sentence: In 2003 to win three gold MEDALS in the world championships in Barcelona, In 2004 by 1 minute, 6 seconds in Athens 64 Olympic record on the women's 100 m breaststroke achievements, won the first.
correct_sentence: In 2004, with a time of 1 minute and 6 seconds, she set an Olympic record in the women's 100m breaststroke in Athens and won first place.
error: in Athens 64
correction: , she set an
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Sentence Structure Error: The original sentence is logically chaotic and semantically unclear; considering the context, it is understood that the intended meaning is 'she set an Olympic record in the women's 100m breaststroke in Athens', therefore 〈in Athens 64〉 is changed to 『, she set an』 to make the meaning coherent and conform to grammatical rules.
error_sentence: In 2003 to win three gold MEDALS in the world championships in Barcelona, In 2004 by 1 minute, 6 seconds in Athens 64 Olympic record on the women's 100 m breaststroke achievements, won the first.
correct_sentence: In 2004, with a time of 1 minute and 6 seconds, she set an Olympic record in the women's 100m breaststroke in Athens and won first place.
error: on
correction: in
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: The preposition 〈on〉 is inappropriately paired with sports events; the correct expression is 'in the...breaststroke', indicating a field or area, therefore 〈on〉 is changed to 『in』 to conform to grammatical rules.
error_sentence: In 2003 to win three gold MEDALS in the world championships in Barcelona, In 2004 by 1 minute, 6 seconds in Athens 64 Olympic record on the women's 100 m breaststroke achievements, won the first. Because of body reason, now retired, will be to study at a university in Beijing.
correct_sentence: In 2004, with a time of 1 minute and 6 seconds, she set an Olympic record in the women's 100m breaststroke in Athens and won first place. Due to health reasons, she is now retired and plans to study at a university in Beijing.
error: achievements, won the first. Because of body reason,
correction: in Athens and won first place. Due to health reasons, she is
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Sentence Structure Error: The original sentence is logically chaotic and semantically unclear; considering the context, it is understood that the intended meaning is 'she set an Olympic record in the women's 100m breaststroke in Athens and won first place. Due to health reasons, she is now retired and plans to study at a university in Beijing', therefore 〈achievements, won the first. Because of body reason,〉 is changed to 『in Athens and won first place. Due to health reasons, she is』 to make the meaning coherent and conform to grammatical rules.
error_sentence: Because of body reason, now retired, will be to study at a university in Beijing.
correct_sentence: Due to health reasons, she is now retired and plans to study at a university in Beijing.
error: , will be
correction: and plans
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Sentence Structure Error: The original sentence is logically chaotic and semantically unclear; considering the context, it is understood that the intended meaning is 'Due to health reasons, she is now retired and plans to study at a university in Beijing', therefore 〈, will be〉 is changed to 『and plans』 to make the meaning coherent and conform to grammatical rules.