Writing prompt: An Unforgettable Experience in My Summer Vacation

Student essay:
I had a personal experience at home, it made my life unforgettable, but also a rare experience of my life.
My parents are always worried about me, they don't let me watch TV,don't let me eat snacks, sometime I even hope he can put me a person in the home.
One time, my parents went out, I was a man at home, on one to take care of me, I felt very happy, after shool to go home. I put my bag on the sofa, and then began to play computer, play to the very late and I went to shool hugry stomach, I will go home hungry stomach, I will go home at night will not cook,can only hungry belly.
This experience made me understand that I can't be too dependent on my parents.

Corrected essay:
I had a personal experience at home. It made my life unforgettable and was also a rare experience in my life.
My parents are always worried about me. They don't let me watch TV or eat snacks. Sometimes, I even hope they can leave me alone at home.
One time, my parents went out, and I was alone at home with no one to take care of me. I felt very happy after school when I went home. I put my bag on the sofa, and then began to play on the computer. I played until very late and I went to school with a hungry stomach. At night, I went home but couldn't cook, so I could only stay hungry.
This experience made me understand that I can't be too dependent on my parents.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: I had a personal experience at home, it made my life unforgettable, but also a rare experience of my life.

correct_sentence: I had a personal experience at home. It made my life unforgettable and was also a rare experience in my life.

error: , it
correction: . It
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: 〈I had a personal experience at home〉 and 〈it made my life unforgettable, but also a rare experience of my life〉 each contain a subject-verb structure and can be independent sentences; they cannot be separated by a comma in the middle, therefore 〈, it〉 is changed to 『. It』.
error_sentence: I had a personal experience at home, it made my life unforgettable, but also a rare experience of my life.

correct_sentence: It made my life unforgettable and was also a rare experience in my life.

error: , but
correction: and was
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Conjunction Error: According to English grammar rules, 『and』 should be used in parallel structures to express a supplementary relationship, therefore 〈, but〉 is changed to 『and』 to ensure coherence; ② Verb Choice Error: The latter half of the sentence needs the verb 〈was〉 to be added to make the sentence semantically complete, therefore 〈, but〉 is changed to 『and was』 to maintain logical coherence.
error_sentence: I had a personal experience at home, it made my life unforgettable, but also a rare experience of my life.

correct_sentence: It made my life unforgettable and was also a rare experience in my life.

error: of
correction: in
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: According to English grammar rules, the preposition 〈in〉 should be used here to mean 'in my life', therefore 〈of〉 is changed to 『in』 to conform to idiomatic expression.
error_sentence: My parents are always worried about me, they don't let me watch TV,don't let me eat snacks, sometime I even hope he can put me a person in the home.

correct_sentence: My parents are always worried about me. They don't let me watch TV or eat snacks.
error: , they
correction: . They
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: Punctuation Error: 〈My parents are always worried about me〉 and 〈they don't let me watch TV〉 contain independent subject-verb structures and can be independent sentences, therefore 〈, they〉 is changed to 『. They』.
error_sentence: My parents are always worried about me, they don't let me watch TV,don't let me eat snacks, sometime I even hope he can put me a person in the home.

correct_sentence: They don't let me watch TV or eat snacks.
error: ,don't let me
correction: or
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Conjunction Error: In a parallel negative structure, 『or』 should be used between the parallel actions 〈don't let me watch TV〉 and 〈don't let me eat snacks〉 to connect the two prohibited actions, therefore 〈, don't let me〉 is changed to 『or』 to make the meaning clear.
error_sentence: My parents are always worried about me, they don't let me watch TV,don't let me eat snacks, sometime I even hope he can put me a person in the home.

correct_sentence: They don't let me watch TV or eat snacks. Sometimes, I even hope they can leave me alone at home.

error: , sometime
correction: . Sometimes,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: ① Punctuation Error: 〈they don't let me watch TV, don't let me eat snacks〉 and 〈sometime I even hope he can put me a person in the home.〉 contain independent subject-verb structures and can be independent sentences, therefore 〈, sometime〉 is changed to 『. Sometimes』; ② Spelling Error: 〈sometime〉 means 'at some unspecified time'; here, the meaning 'sometimes' is intended, so it should be changed to 『sometimes』 to indicate frequency, therefore 〈, sometime〉 is changed to 『. Sometimes』; ③ Punctuation Error: 'sometimes' as an adverb of frequency at the beginning of a sentence needs to be separated from the main clause by a comma, so it is changed here to 『Sometimes,』.
error_sentence: My parents are always worried about me, they don't let me watch TV,don't let me eat snacks, sometime I even hope he can put me a person in the home.

correct_sentence: Sometimes, I even hope they can leave me alone at home.

error: he can put me a person in the
correction: they can leave me alone at
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Sentence Structure Error: The original sentence is logically confused and semantically unclear; combined with the context, it is known that the intended expression here is 'Sometimes, I even hope they can leave me alone at home', therefore 〈he can put me a person in the〉 is changed to 『they can leave me alone at』 to make the meaning coherent and conform to grammatical rules.
error_sentence: One time, my parents went out, I was a man at home, on one to take care of me, I felt very happy, after shool to go home.
correct_sentence: One time, my parents went out, and I was alone at home with no one to take care of me.
correction: and
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Conjunction Error: 〈One time, my parents went out〉 and 〈I was a man at home〉 contain independent subject-verb structures and can be independent sentences, therefore 『and』 needs to be added before 〈I〉.
error_sentence: One time, my parents went out, I was a man at home, on one to take care of me, I felt very happy, after shool to go home.
correct_sentence: One time, my parents went out, and I was alone at home with no one to take care of me.
error: a man
correction: alone
error_type: Noun Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Noun Error: 〈a man〉 means 'a man', which does not fit the context; here, 『alone』, indicating a state of being by oneself, should be used, therefore 〈a man〉 is changed to 『alone』 to accurately express the sentence meaning.
error_sentence: One time, my parents went out, I was a man at home, on one to take care of me, I felt very happy, after shool to go home.
correct_sentence: One time, my parents went out, and I was alone at home with no one to take care of me.
error: , on
correction: with no
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Preposition Error: Combined with the context, it is known that the intended expression here is a state of 'no one to take care of'; 〈on〉 cannot connect the subsequent description; when describing a state, the preposition 『with』 should be used instead of 〈on〉, so the correct structure is 『with no one to take care of me』, therefore 〈, on〉 is changed to 『with no』 to indicate the state of no one taking care.
error_sentence: One time, my parents went out, I was a man at home, on one to take care of me, I felt very happy, after shool to go home.
correct_sentence: One time, my parents went out, and I was alone at home with no one to take care of me.
error: ,
correction: .
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: 『with no one to take care of me』 is at the end of the sentence, and a period should be used after it, therefore 〈,〉 is changed to 『.』 to conform to punctuation rules.
error_sentence: One time, my parents went out, I was a man at home, on one to take care of me, I felt very happy, after shool to go home.
correct_sentence: I felt very happy after school when I went home.
error: , after shool to go
correction: after school when I went
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Punctuation Error: 'after shool to go home' as a time clause should not be separated from the main clause by a comma in front, so the preceding 〈,〉 should be removed; ② Spelling Error: 〈shool〉 is a misspelling of 'school', the correct spelling is 『school』; ③ Sentence Structure Error: The original sentence is logically confused and semantically unclear; combined with the context, it is known that the intended expression here is 'I felt very happy after school when I went home'; the infinitive 〈to go〉 does not fit the structure of an adverbial clause of time and should be changed to 『when I went』 to make the meaning coherent and conform to grammatical rules.
error_sentence: I put my bag on the sofa, and then began to play computer, play to the very late
correct_sentence: I put my bag on the sofa, and then began to play on the computer. I played until very late and I went to school with a hungry stomach.
error: computer, play to the
correction: on the computer. I played until
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 5
error_description: ① Preposition Error: 'Playing computer games' cannot be directly expressed as 〈play computer〉; the preposition 'on' needs to be added before 'computer', so it should be changed to 『play on the computer』 to conform to fixed collocation; ② Determiner Error: A countable singular noun needs to be modified by a determiner in front; here, it specifically refers to the computer used for playing games, so the definite article 'the' should be added before 'computer'; ③ Punctuation Error: The two actions 〈began to play computer〉 and 〈play to the very late〉 need to be separated by a period; ④ Sentence Structure Error: Combined with the context, it is known that the intended expression here is 'I put my bag on the sofa, and then began to play on the computer. I played until very late'; 〈play to the〉 lacks a subject, so the subject 'I' is added to make the meaning coherent and conform to grammatical rules; ⑤ Verb Tense Error: According to the context, the simple past tense should be used, so 〈play〉 should be changed to 'played'; ⑥ Conjunction Error: The text intends to express 'played until...time.', so the conjunction 'until' should be used instead of 'to the'.
error_sentence: and I went to shool hugry stomach, I will go home hungry stomach, I will go home at night will not cook,can only hungry belly.

correct_sentence: I played until very late and I went to school with a hungry stomach. At night, I went home but couldn't cook, so I could only stay hungry.

error: shool hugry stomach, I will go home hungry stomach
correction: school with a hungry stomach. At night
error_type: Contraction Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Spelling Error: Spelling of 'school' 〈shool〉 and 'hungry' 〈hugry〉 is incorrect, changed to 『school』 and 『hungry』; ② Sentence Redundancy Error: 'shool hugry stomach' and 'I will go home hungry stomach' repetitively describe the state of hunger, need to be merged into 『with a hungry stomach』 and the event separated by a period. The intended meaning here is 'I played until very late and went to school the next day with a hungry stomach', therefore 〈shool hugry stomach, I will go home hungry stomach〉 is changed to 『school with a hungry stomach.』 to make the meaning coherent and conform to grammatical rules.
error_sentence: and I went to shool hugry stomach, I will go home hungry stomach, I will go home at night will not cook,can only hungry belly.

correct_sentence: At night, I went home but couldn't cook, so I could only stay hungry.

error: will go home at night will not
correction: went home but couldn't
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 5
error_description: ① Verb Tense Error: 〈will go home〉 is inconsistent with the past narrative context and should be changed to the simple past tense 『went home』; at the same time, 〈will not〉 should be changed to 『couldn't』 to conform to the context tense; ② Sentence Structure Error: The original sentence is logically confused and semantically unclear; combined with the context, it is known that the intended expression here is 'At night, I went home, but I couldn't cook', therefore 〈will go home at night will not〉 is changed to 『went home but couldn't』 to make the meaning coherent and conform to grammatical rules.
error_sentence: and I went to shool hugry stomach, I will go home hungry stomach, I will go home at night will not cook,can only hungry belly.

correct_sentence: At night, I went home but couldn't cook, so I could only stay hungry.

error: can only hungry belly
correction: so I could only stay hungry
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Verb Tense Error: According to the context, 〈can〉 needs to be changed to 『could』 to conform to the past tense; ② Sentence Structure Error: The original sentence is logically confused and semantically unclear; combined with the context, it is known that the intended expression here is 'so I could only stay hungry', therefore 〈can only hungry belly〉 is changed to 『so I could only stay hungry』 to make the meaning coherent and conform to grammatical rules.