Writing prompt: The Population Problem

Student essay:
In China,the population is over 1.4 billon, and that's too much, almost one fifth of the world's population.The large population causes a lot of problems.We have to face them.
First of all, because of the large population, the energy is not enough at all.Although we have a lot of energy, but there're also too many people.And what's more? Water is not enough, too.
Also, in many big cities, such as Beijing, Shanghai, there's a serious problem that is difficult to solve.There is more and more traffic.In the morning and evening, the time to go to and back from work or school, the traffic is exactly very much.The cars and buses even cannot move and it often takes a long time to get to the office, the school or home.And the price of the house is so high that many people can't afford it.So the cheap house is not enough at all.Many people have to rent the house to live.
Then, a lot of college students need a job.But there aren't enough job for them. So lots of student can't find a job and they have to stay at home and use their parents' money.
The last problem is about the environment. People produce too much rubbish.And that's really bad for the environment.We must do something to reduce the polution.
Above all, the large population causes too many problems.We must do something to face them.Anyway, we don't want wars to reduce the population...

Corrected essay:
In China, the population is over 1.4 billion, and that's too much, almost one fifth of the world's population. The large population causes a lot of problems. We have to face them.
First of all, because of the large population, the energy is not enough at all. Although we have a lot of energy, there are also too many people. And what's more? Water is not enough, too.
Also, in many big cities, such as Beijing and Shanghai, there's a serious problem that is difficult to solve. There is more and more traffic. In the morning and evening, the time to go to and back from work or school, the traffic is exactly very much. The cars and buses even cannot move and it often takes a long time to get to the office, the school or home. And the price of the house is so high that many people can't afford it. So the cheap house is not enough at all. Many people have to rent a house to live in.
Then, a lot of college students need a job. But there aren't enough jobs for them. So lots of students can't find a job and they have to stay at home and use their parents' money.
The last problem is about the environment. People produce too much rubbish. And that's really bad for the environment. We must do something to reduce the pollution.
Above all, the large population causes too many problems. We must do something to face them. Anyway, we don't want wars to reduce the population...

Error analysis:
error_sentence: In China,the population is over 1.4 billon, and that's too much, almost one fifth of the world's population.
correct_sentence: In China, the population is over 1.4 billion, and that's too much, almost one fifth of the world's population.
error: billon
correction: billion
error_type: Spelling Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Spelling Error: According to English number unit spelling rules, the original sentence expresses the unit of 'billion', thus 〈billon〉 is misspelled, the correct spelling should be 『billion』 (double letter 'l').
error_sentence: Although we have a lot of energy, but there're also too many people.
correct_sentence: Although we have a lot of energy, there are also too many people.
error: but there're
correction: there are
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Conjunction Error: According to English grammar rules, 〈Although〉 already indicates a concessive relationship, the subsequent conjunction 〈but〉 is redundant and needs to be deleted to avoid double conjunctions, making the sentence structure clearer; ② Contraction Error: According to formal written English norms, 〈there're〉 is a non-standard contraction form and should be changed to the full form 『there are』 to ensure grammatical rigor and sentence completeness.
error_sentence: Also, in many big cities, such as Beijing, Shanghai, there's a serious problem that is difficult to solve.
correct_sentence: Also, in many big cities, such as Beijing and Shanghai, there's a serious problem that is difficult to solve.
error: ,
correction: and
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Conjunction Error: According to English parallel structure rules, when listing multiple items, the last two items need to be connected by the conjunction 〈and〉. Therefore, 〈Beijing, Shanghai〉 needs to be changed to 『Beijing and Shanghai』 to conform to English expression habits; ② Punctuation Error: A comma is not needed between two parallel words connected by the conjunction 'and', so the comma 〈,〉 in the original sentence should be deleted.
error_sentence: Many people have to rent the house to live.

correct_sentence: Many people have to rent a house to live in.

error: the
correction: a
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English article usage rules, 〈house〉 here is a generic concept, requiring the use of the indefinite article 『a』 instead of the definite article 〈the〉, forming 『a house』 to mean 'a house' rather than a specific one.
error_sentence: Many people have to rent the house to live.

correct_sentence: Many people have to rent a house to live in.

correction: in
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: According to fixed phrasal verb collocations, 〈live〉 needs to be followed by the preposition 『in』 to indicate a place of residence. Therefore, 『in』 needs to be added at the end of the sentence to complete the 'live in + location' structure.
error_sentence: But there aren't enough job for them.
correct_sentence: But there aren't enough jobs for them.
error: job
correction: jobs
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Noun Number Error: According to English grammar rules, when 〈enough〉 modifies a countable noun, the noun needs to be in plural form to match the plural predicate 〈aren't〉. Therefore, the singular noun 〈job〉 is changed to the plural form 『jobs』 to maintain consistent meaning.
error_sentence: So lots of student can't find a job and they have to stay at home and use their parents' money.

correct_sentence: So lots of students can't find a job and they have to stay at home and use their parents' money.

error: student
correction: students
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Noun Number Error: According to quantifier collocation rules, when 〈lots of〉 modifies a countable noun, the subsequent countable noun needs to be in plural form. Therefore, the singular noun 〈student〉 is changed to the plural form 『students』 to maintain subject-verb agreement.
error_sentence: We must do something to reduce the polution.

correct_sentence: We must do something to reduce the pollution.

error: polution
correction: pollution
error_type: Spelling Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Spelling Error: According to the meaning of the original sentence, this place is intended to express the environmental problem of 'pollution', thus 〈polution〉 is misspelled (missing the letter 'l', the correct spelling should be 『pollution』 with double 'l').