Writing prompt: After-School Activities

Student essay:
Nowadays, after-school activities are becoming more and more popular in high schools.
Many students as well as I participant in many after-school activities. I took part in two activities, they are watching English films and sports. By watching English films, my English level has been improved. I also learn many new words which can be used in daily communication. By doing sports, such as running, rope skipping, I am becoming healthier. And I also get many new friends.
If you want to choose after-school activities, I will give you some advice. First ,think about what is your favorite things. For example, if you like drawing, you can take part in drawing activities . Second, you can choose some useful activities, like watching English films, it can improve your English level.

Corrected essay:
Nowadays, after-school activities are becoming more and more popular in high schools.
Many students as well as I participate in many after-school activities. I take part in two activities. They are watching English films and sports. By watching English films, my English level has improved. I also learn many new words which can be used in daily communication. By doing sports, such as running and rope skipping, I am becoming healthier. And I also make many new friends.
If you want to choose after-school activities, I will give you some advice. First, think about what your favorite things are. For example, if you like drawing, you can take part in drawing activities. Second, you can choose some useful activities, like watching English films. It can improve your English level.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: Many students as well as I participant in many after-school activities.
correct_sentence: Many students as well as I participate in many after-school activities.
error: participant
correction: participate
error_type: PoS Confusion Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: PoS Confusion Error: According to the sentence meaning, the intention here is to express 'to participate', but 〈participant〉 means 'participant', which is a noun form, while a verb in its base form is needed as the predicate here. Therefore, 〈participant〉 is changed to 『participate』 to correctly express the action of participating in activities.
error_sentence: I took part in two activities, they are watching English films and sports.
correct_sentence: I take part in two activities.
error: took
correction: take
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to the context, this describes a regular activity rather than a past event, so the simple present tense is needed; the past tense 〈took〉 does not fit the context. It should be changed to the present tense 『take』 to maintain tense consistency throughout the text.
error_sentence: I took part in two activities, they are watching English films and sports.
correct_sentence: I take part in two activities. They are watching English films and sports.
error: , they
correction: . They
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English grammar rules, the two independent clauses in the compound sentence, 〈I took part in two activities〉 and 〈they are watching English films〉, need to be separated by a period, not a comma. Therefore, 〈, they〉 is changed to 『. They』 to conform to punctuation standards.
error_sentence: By watching English films, my English level has been improved.
correct_sentence: By watching English films, my English level has improved.
error: been
error_type: Verb Voice Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Voice Error: According to English grammar rules, the improvement of English proficiency is an active change, not a passive reception; the passive voice in 〈has been improved〉 does not fit the meaning. 『been』 should be deleted and changed to the active voice 『has improved』.
error_sentence: By doing sports, such as running, rope skipping, I am becoming healthier.
correct_sentence: By doing sports, such as running and rope skipping, I am becoming healthier.
error: ,
correction: and
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Conjunction Error: According to English grammar rules, the two parallel actions 〈running〉 and 〈rope skipping〉 in the sentence need to be connected by a conjunction, not a comma. Therefore, 〈,〉 is replaced with 『and』 to conform to English standards for parallel structures.
error_sentence: And I also get many new friends.

correct_sentence: And I also make many new friends.

error: get
correction: make
error_type: Verb Choice Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Choice Error: The intention here is to express 'to make friends'; 'get friends' is not a standard English collocation. 'make friends' should be used to convey the meaning of making friends. Therefore, 〈get friends〉 is changed to 『make friends』.
error_sentence: First ,think about what is your favorite things.
correct_sentence: First, think about what your favorite things are.
error: is
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Sentence Structure Error: The object clause requires declarative word order; the interrogative word order in 〈what is your favorite things〉 is incorrect and needs to be changed to declarative word order, so 〈is〉 is deleted.
error_sentence: First ,think about what is your favorite things.
correct_sentence: First, think about what your favorite things are.
correction: are
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Sentence Structure Error: According to English grammar rules, the object clause is missing a predicate verb; 『are』 needs to be added after 〈things〉 to form a complete subject-copula-complement structure 『what your favorite things are』.
error_sentence: Second, you can choose some useful activities, like watching English films, it can improve your English level.
correct_sentence: Second, you can choose some useful activities, like watching English films. It can improve your English level.
error: , it
correction: . It
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English grammar rules, the two independent clauses 〈you can choose some useful activities, like watching English films〉 and 〈it can improve your English level〉 need to be separated by a period, not a comma. Therefore, 〈, it〉 is changed to 『. It』 to conform to punctuation standards.