Writing prompt: My Ideal Career

Student essay:
For a long time I was dreaming of becoming a detective because I loved reading detective story. But as I grow up, I have found something else which fascinates me. It is politics.
We live in the world in peace(at least in most places). Instead of the King, the politicians became those who have the ability to change the world directly. And it is the exact ideal job for me.
When I was very young, I didn't like politic and thought it useless. My opinion was that people should attach importance to individuality rather than a whole country. However, now I have realized how important and necessary politic is. What a country's politics look like can affect the lives of citizens. Culture may root in our minds, but we have to do what the modern society needs us to do. This is a world of law and order, and politicians make the rules.
Everyone has an ideal career. Although most people can not achieve it, they keep it in heart all the time. I'll spare no effort to achieve my ideal career, even if the road is full of frustration and difficulties.

Corrected essay:
For a long time, I was dreaming of becoming a detective because I loved reading detective stories. But as I grow up, I have found something else that fascinates me. It is politics.
We live in a world in peace (at least in most places). Instead of the King, the politicians became those who have the ability to change the world directly. And it is the exact ideal job for me.
When I was very young, I didn't like politics and thought it useless. My opinion was that people should attach importance to individuality rather than a whole country. However, now I have realized how important and necessary politics is. What a country's politics look like can affect the lives of citizens. Culture may be rooted in our minds, but we have to do what modern society needs us to do. This is a world of law and order, and politicians make the rules.
Everyone has an ideal career. Although most people cannot achieve it, they keep it in their hearts all the time. I'll spare no effort to achieve my ideal career, even if the road is full of frustration and difficulties.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: For a long time I was dreaming of becoming a detective because I loved reading detective story.
correct_sentence: For a long time, I was dreaming of becoming a detective because I loved reading detective stories.
correction: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: The adverbial phrase of time 〈For a long time〉 should be followed by a comma to separate it from the main clause, so 『,』 is added after 〈time〉 to make the sentence structure standard.
error_sentence: For a long time I was dreaming of becoming a detective because I loved reading detective story.
correct_sentence: For a long time, I was dreaming of becoming a detective because I loved reading detective stories.
error: story
correction: stories
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Noun Number Error: This refers to multiple detective stories and should be in the plural form, so 〈story〉 is changed to 『stories』 to conform to grammatical rules.
error_sentence: But as I grow up, I have found something else which fascinates me.
correct_sentence: But as I grow up, I have found something else that fascinates me.
error: which
correction: that
error_type: Relative Word Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Relative Word Error: The antecedent 〈something〉 is an indefinite pronoun, so the relative word should be 『that』; therefore, 〈which〉 is changed to 『that』 to conform to grammatical rules.
error_sentence: We live in the world in peace(at least in most places).
correct_sentence: We live in a world in peace (at least in most places).
error: the
correction: a
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: 〈world〉 here is a general concept, not specific, and should use the indefinite article 『a』 to mean 'a peaceful world'; therefore, 〈the〉 is changed to 『a』 to conform to grammatical rules.
error_sentence: We live in the world in peace(at least in most places).
correct_sentence: We live in a world in peace (at least in most places).
error: peace(at
correction: peace (at
error_type: Space Error
error_severity: 1
error_description: Space Error: A space is needed between the parenthesis and the preceding word here, so 〈peace(at〉 is changed to 『peace (at』 to conform to writing conventions.
error_sentence: When I was very young, I didn't like politic and thought it useless.
correct_sentence: When I was very young, I didn't like politics and thought it useless.
error: politic
correction: politics
error_type: PoS Confusion Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: PoS Confusion Error: 〈politic〉 is an adjective (wise), whereas the noun form 『politics』 (politics) is needed here as an object to refer to the subject or activity; therefore, 〈politic〉 is changed to 『politics』 to correctly express the meaning.
error_sentence: However, now I have realized how important and necessary politic is.
correct_sentence: However, now I have realized how important and necessary politics is.
error: politic
correction: politics
error_type: PoS Confusion Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: PoS Confusion Error: 〈politic〉 is an adjective (wise), whereas the noun form 『politics』 (politics) is needed here to refer to the subject or activity; therefore, 〈politic〉 is changed to 『politics』 to correctly express the meaning.
error_sentence: Culture may root in our minds, but we have to do what the modern society needs us to do.
correct_sentence: Culture may be rooted in our minds, but we have to do what modern society needs us to do.
error: root
correction: be rooted
error_type: Verb Voice Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Voice Error: The verb 〈root〉 should be in the passive voice here to express 'culture is rooted in minds'; therefore, 〈root〉 is changed to 『be rooted』 to correctly express the meaning.
error_sentence: Culture may root in our minds, but we have to do what the modern society needs us to do.
correct_sentence: Culture may be rooted in our minds, but we have to do what modern society needs us to do.
error: the
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Word Redundancy Error: 〈modern society〉 is a general concept and does not require an article for modification; therefore, 〈the〉 is deleted to conform to English expression habits.
error_sentence: Although most people can not achieve it, they keep it in heart all the time.
correct_sentence: Although most people cannot achieve it, they keep it in their hearts all the time.
error: heart
correction: their hearts
error_type: Pronoun Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Pronoun Error: 〈keep it in heart〉 needs to be modified by the possessive pronoun 『their』 to indicate possession, so 『their』 is added before 〈heart〉 to correctly express the meaning; ② Noun Number Error: The abstract concept 'heart' in this specific context should use the plural form 『hearts』 to refer to everyone's hearts, so 〈heart〉 is changed to 『hearts』 to correctly express the meaning.