Writing prompt: My Life in the Future

Student essay:
In twenty years, I will be thirty five years old. I will be a successful and happy person.
I will be a writer then and write many interesting stories for children because I will love to see the smile on children's face when they are reading wonderful stories which are written by me. Besides, I would like to work from home rather than work in an office because it's more comfortable.
I will live in Beijing with my family. Because Beijing is the capital of China and it has the most convenient traffic and the highest technology. On the other hand, Beijing is my hometown so I feel freely and relaxed there.
In my spare time, I will still go to school to develop skills and travel around. I will often do sports to keep healthy.
I will enjoy my life because life will be exciting in the future.

Corrected essay:
In twenty years, I will be thirty-five years old. I will be a successful and happy person.
I will be a writer then and write many interesting stories for children because I love to see the smile on children's faces when they are reading wonderful stories which are written by me. Besides, I would like to work from home rather than work in an office because it's more comfortable.
I will live in Beijing with my family, because Beijing is the capital of China and it has the most convenient traffic and the highest-level technology. On the other hand, Beijing is my hometown, so I feel free and relaxed there.
In my spare time, I will still go to school to develop skills and travel around. I will often do sports to keep healthy.
I will enjoy my life because life will be exciting in the future.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: In twenty years, I will be thirty five years old.
correct_sentence: In twenty years, I will be thirty-five years old.
correction: -
error_type: Spelling Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Spelling Error: According to English compound numeral writing conventions, 〈thirty five〉 as a compound numeral between 21-99 must be connected by a hyphen, therefore it is changed to 『thirty-five』 to conform to standard writing format.
error_sentence: I will be a writer then and write many interesting stories for children because I will love to see the smile on children's face when they are reading wonderful stories which are written by me.
correct_sentence: I will be a writer then and write many interesting stories for children because I love to see the smile on children's faces when they are reading wonderful stories which are written by me.
error: will
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to contextual semantic analysis, 〈will love〉 in the sentence expresses habitual liking, which does not conform to English tense usage rules. It should be changed to the simple present tense 『I love』 to accurately express a continuous state. Therefore, 〈I will love〉 is changed to 『I love』 to express a more natural meaning.
error_sentence: I will be a writer then and write many interesting stories for children because I will love to see the smile on children's face when they are reading wonderful stories which are written by me.
correct_sentence: I will be a writer then and write many interesting stories for children because I love to see the smile on children's faces when they are reading wonderful stories which are written by me.
error: face
correction: faces
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Noun Number Error: According to the English possessive agreement principle, the noun modified by the plural possessive 〈children's〉 must maintain number agreement, therefore the singular noun 〈face〉 is changed to the plural form 『faces』 to form 『children's faces』.
error_sentence: I will live in Beijing with my family. Because Beijing is the capital of China and it has the most convenient traffic and the highest technology.
correct_sentence: I will live in Beijing with my family, because Beijing is the capital of China and it has the most convenient traffic and the highest-level technology.
error: . Because
correction: , because
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Punctuation Error: According to English subordinate clause punctuation rules, a clause introduced by the subordinating conjunction 〈Because〉 cannot stand alone as a sentence; it needs to be connected to the main clause with a comma to form a complete complex sentence structure; ② Case Error: According to English conjunction writing conventions, a conjunction like 〈Because〉 not at the beginning of a sentence should be in lowercase form 『because』 to conform to standard capitalization rules.
error_sentence: Because Beijing is the capital of China and it has the most convenient traffic and the highest technology.
correct_sentence: I will live in Beijing with my family, because Beijing is the capital of China and it has the most convenient traffic and the highest-level technology.
correction: -level
error_type: Adjective Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Adjective Error: According to English adjective modification rules, 〈highest〉 used alone as a superlative cannot accurately modify 〈technology〉; 『-level』 needs to be added to form the compound adjective 『highest-level』 to fully express the meaning of 'highest level technology'.
error_sentence: On the other hand, Beijing is my hometown so I feel freely and relaxed there.

correct_sentence: On the other hand, Beijing is my hometown, so I feel free and relaxed there.

correction: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English adverbial clause of result punctuation conventions, a comma must be added before the conjunction 〈so〉 to separate the main and subordinate clauses, thus it is changed to 『hometown, so』 to ensure clear sentence structure.
error_sentence: so I feel freely and relaxed there.

correct_sentence: On the other hand, Beijing is my hometown, so I feel free and relaxed there.

error: freely
correction: free
error_type: PoS Confusion Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: PoS Confusion Error: According to English copular verb structure rules, the copular verb 〈feel〉 should be followed by an adjective as a predicative, therefore the adverb 〈freely〉 is changed to the adjective 『free』, to form a parallel structure 『feel free and relaxed』 with 〈relaxed〉.