Writing prompt: The Ideal Jobs of Us

Student essay:
Dear everyone,
Now I'd like to share the ideal jobs of our group members with all of you.
Li Hua wants to be a fashion designer in the future because she does well in painting pictures and wants to design pretty clothes for the public.Chang Lili's ideal job is to be a gardener because she is fond of plants and wants to make our city cleaner and more beautiful.Ma Kai,who has a geart ideal.He wants to be a professinal writer like Mo Yan.The reason why he wants to be a writer is he likes writing very much and he would like to share his fantastic stories with others.Sun Jun said he'll be a cook in the future because nowadays,most food are unhealthy,he wants to cook green,healthy and tasty food for everybody.So finally what about me? What's my dream?I'd like to be a doctor because I want to treat the people who are illness and make the people lead a happy life.
At last I want the dreams of all of us will come true.
Thank you.

Corrected essay:
Dear everyone,
Now I'd like to share the ideal jobs of our group members with all of you.
Li Hua wants to be a fashion designer in the future because she does well in painting pictures and wants to design pretty clothes for the public. Chang Lili's ideal job is to be a gardener because she is fond of plants and wants to make our city cleaner and more beautiful. Ma Kai has a great ideal. He wants to be a professional writer like Mo Yan. The reason why he wants to be a writer is that he likes writing very much and he would like to share his fantastic stories with others. Sun Jun said he'll be a cook in the future because nowadays most food is unhealthy, so he wants to cook green, healthy, and tasty food for everybody. So finally what about me? What's my dream? I'd like to be a doctor because I want to treat the people who are ill and make the people lead a happy life.
At last, I hope the dreams of all of us will come true.
Thank you.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: Ma Kai,who has a geart ideal.
correct_sentence: Ma Kai has a great ideal.
error: ,who
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Sentence Structure Error: The original sentence 〈Ma Kai,who has a geart ideal.〉 lacks a predicate, does not conform to English sentence structure norms, and is unclear in meaning; it should be modified to 『Ma Kai has a great ideal』.
error_sentence: Ma Kai,who has a geart ideal.
correct_sentence: Ma Kai has a great ideal.
error: geart
correction: great
error_type: Spelling Error
error_severity: 1
error_description: Spelling Error: According to the sentence meaning, the intention here is to express "great", thus 〈geart〉 is a misspelling of 『great』; it needs to be changed to 『great』 to make the sentence coherent.
error_sentence: He wants to be a professinal writer like Mo Yan.
correct_sentence: He wants to be a professional writer like Mo Yan.
error: professinal
correction: professional
error_type: Spelling Error
error_severity: 1
error_description: Spelling Error: According to the sentence meaning, the intention here is to express "professional", thus 〈professinal〉 is a misspelling of 『professional』; it needs to be changed to 『professional』 to make the sentence coherent.
error_sentence: The reason why he wants to be a writer is he likes writing very much and he would like to share his fantastic stories with others.
correct_sentence: The reason why he wants to be a writer is that he likes writing very much and he would like to share his fantastic stories with others.
correction: that
error_type: Relative Word Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Relative Word Error: The original sentence 〈The reason why he wants to be a writer is he likes writing very much...〉 is missing the relative word 『that』, leading to an incomplete sentence structure and unclear meaning; the relative word 『that』 should be added after 〈is〉 to conform to English subordinate clause grammar rules.
error_sentence: Sun Jun said he'll be a cook in the future because nowadays,most food are unhealthy,he wants to cook green,healthy and tasty food for everybody.
correct_sentence: Sun Jun said he'll be a cook in the future because nowadays most food is unhealthy, so he wants to cook green, healthy, and tasty food for everybody.
error: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 1
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English expression habits, the comma in 〈nowadays,most〉 is redundant and should be deleted to allow the adverbial of time 〈nowadays〉 to connect naturally with the main clause.
error_sentence: Sun Jun said he'll be a cook in the future because nowadays,most food are unhealthy,he wants to cook green,healthy and tasty food for everybody.
correct_sentence: Sun Jun said he'll be a cook in the future because nowadays most food is unhealthy, so he wants to cook green, healthy, and tasty food for everybody.
error: are
correction: is
error_type: Subject-Verb Agreement Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Subject-Verb Agreement Error: The subject 〈most food〉 is an uncountable noun; based on the principle of subject-verb agreement, the predicate verb also needs to be in the singular form 『is』.
error_sentence: Sun Jun said he'll be a cook in the future because nowadays,most food are unhealthy,he wants to cook green,healthy and tasty food for everybody.
correct_sentence: Sun Jun said he'll be a cook in the future because nowadays most food is unhealthy, so he wants to cook green, healthy, and tasty food for everybody.
correction: so
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Conjunction Error: 〈Sun Jun said he'll be a cook in the future because nowadays most food is unhealthy〉 and 〈he wants to cook green…〉 contain independent predicate structures/subject-predicate structures and can stand as independent sentences; therefore, the conjunction 『so』 needs to be added before 〈he〉 to clarify the logical relationship between the preceding and succeeding clauses.
error_sentence: Sun Jun said he'll be a cook in the future because nowadays,most food are unhealthy,he wants to cook green,healthy and tasty food for everybody.
correct_sentence: Sun Jun said he'll be a cook in the future because nowadays most food is unhealthy, so he wants to cook green, healthy, and tasty food for everybody.
correction: ,
error_sentence: What's my dream?I'd like to be a doctor because I want to treat the people who are illness and make the people lead a happy life.

correct_sentence: What's my dream? I'd like to be a doctor because I want to treat the people who are ill and make the people lead a happy life.

error: dream?I'd
correction: dream? I'd
error_type: Space Error
error_severity: 1
error_description: Space Error: According to English writing conventions, the sentence 〈dream?I'd〉 is missing a necessary space; a space should be added between 〈dream?〉 and 〈I'd〉, changing it to 『dream? I'd』.
error_sentence: What's my dream?I'd like to be a doctor because I want to treat the people who are illness and make the people lead a happy life.

correct_sentence: I'd like to be a doctor because I want to treat the people who are ill and make the people lead a happy life.

error: illness
correction: ill
error_type: PoS Confusion Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: PoS Confusion Error: In the original sentence 〈I want to treat the people who are illness〉, the noun 〈illness〉 is mistakenly used as an adjective; therefore, the noun 〈illness〉 is changed to the adjective 『ill』 to describe 〈people〉.
error_sentence: At last I want the dreams of all of us will come true.

correct_sentence: At last, I hope the dreams of all of us will come true.

error: I want
correction: , I hope
error_type: Verb Choice Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Punctuation Error: According to English expression habits, a comma needs to be added after the introductory adverbial phrase 〈At last〉 to separate it from the main clause 〈I hope the dreams...〉; ② Verb Choice Error: Judging from the context, the intention here is to express "hope dreams come true"; the original use of 〈want〉 does not fit the semantic requirement and should be changed to 『hope』 to accurately convey the meaning.