Writing prompt: Whether an Entrance Fee Is Charged

Student essay:
Dear Editor,
I am writing to tell you about the discussion we have had about whether an entrance fee should be charged for parks.
60 percent of the students think that an entrance fee shouldn't be charged.In their opinion,the park is a public place where people can get relief of the cares of the day.If the entrance fee is charged,it is neccessary to build the gate and wall .What's more it will do harm to the appearance of the city and leave a bad impression to the visitors.
40 percent of the students hold the opposite opinion.They think that the entrance fee should be charged at a low price.In this way,the workers who work in the park can get well paid.And more new types of plants can be purchased and taken better care of.
That is the discussion about whether the entrance fee should be charged.

Corrected essay:
Dear Editor,
I am writing to tell you about the discussion we have had about whether an entrance fee should be charged for parks.
60 percent of the students think that an entrance fee shouldn't be charged. In their opinion, the park is a public place where people can get relief from the cares of the day. If the entrance fee is charged, it is necessary to build a gate and a wall. What's more, it will do harm to the appearance of the city and leave a bad impression on the visitors.
40 percent of the students hold the opposite opinion. They think that the entrance fee should be charged at a low price. In this way, the workers who work in the park can get well paid. And more new types of plants can be purchased and taken better care of.
That is the discussion about whether the entrance fee should be charged.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: In their opinion,the park is a public place where people can get relief of the cares of the day.
correct_sentence: In their opinion, the park is a public place where people can get relief from the cares of the day.
error: of
correction: from
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: According to English fixed collocation rules, the phrasal verb 〈get relief〉 should be followed by the preposition 『from』 instead of 〈of〉, forming the standard collocation 『get relief from the cares of the day.』, meaning 'to get relief from something'.
error_sentence: If the entrance fee is charged,it is neccessary to build the gate and wall
correct_sentence: If the entrance fee is charged, it is necessary to build a gate and a wall.
error: neccessary
correction: necessary
error_type: Spelling Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Spelling Error: According to English spelling rules, 〈neccessary〉 is misspelled; the correct form is 『necessary』, note that 〈c〉 is not doubled. The word originates from the Latin 'necessarius', meaning 'essential', and its spelling structure should be followed.
error_sentence: If the entrance fee is charged,it is neccessary to build the gate and wall
correct_sentence: If the entrance fee is charged, it is necessary to build a gate and a wall.
error: the
correction: a
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English grammar rules, 〈gate and wall〉 is a non-specific noun phrase mentioned for the first time, so the indefinite article 『a』 should be used instead of the definite article 〈the〉, i.e., 『a gate and a wall』, to indicate a general reference rather than a specific one.
error_sentence: If the entrance fee is charged,it is neccessary to build the gate and wall .What's more it will do harm to the appearance of the city and leave a bad impression to the visitors.

correct_sentence: If the entrance fee is charged, it is necessary to build a gate and a wall. What's more, it will do harm to the appearance of the city and leave a bad impression on the visitors.

error: wall .What
correction: a wall. What
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Determiner Error: According to English grammar rules, 『a』 needs to be added before 〈wall〉 to indicate a general reference; ② Punctuation Error (space issue): According to English writing conventions, the period 〈.〉 should immediately follow the preceding word and be separated from the subsequent sentence by a single space, therefore 〈wall .What〉 should be corrected to 『a wall. What』 to ensure correct punctuation usage.
error_sentence: .What's more it will do harm to the appearance of the city and leave a bad impression to the visitors.

correct_sentence: What's more, it will do harm to the appearance of the city and leave a bad impression on the visitors.

correction: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English rules for parenthetical phrases, 〈What's more〉, as a transitional phrase, must be followed by a comma 『,』 to separate sentence components, i.e., 『What's more,』, making the sentence structure clearer.
error_sentence: .What's more it will do harm to the appearance of the city and leave a bad impression to the visitors.

correct_sentence: What's more, it will do harm to the appearance of the city and leave a bad impression on the visitors.

error: to
correction: on
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: According to English fixed collocation rules, the correct preposition for the phrasal verb 〈leave an impression〉 should be 『on』 instead of 〈to〉, forming 『leave an impression on the visitors.』, meaning 'to leave an impression on someone'.