Writing prompt: To Build an Art Museum

Student essay:
Dear Sir
I'm L. I write this letter to you to suggest building an art museum. Now, I'll tell the reason why I do that.
These years,people in Jinhua has poor cultural life. So I think it's necessary to build a new museum to cultivate our mind.
In order to build a wonderful museum, I'd like to give my suggestions. Firstly,we can name the museum.A beautiful name can interest people to enjoy the works of art there.Secondly, we should give a theme to the museum, classical or modern. Different themes should display different works. And every state has their own culture, it would be great if the museum can cover different civilizations from many parts of the world. The most important is that the conditions there should be fine.
That's my ideas about the plan. I hope J has rich and varied cultural life.
L

Corrected essay:
Dear Sir,
I'm L. I am writing this letter to you to suggest building an art museum. Now, I'll tell you the reason why I am doing that.
These years, people in Jinhua have had a poor cultural life. So I think it's necessary to build a new museum to cultivate our minds.
In order to build a wonderful museum, I'd like to give my suggestions. Firstly, we can name the museum. A beautiful name can interest people in enjoying the works of art there. Secondly, we should give a theme to the museum, classical or modern. Different themes should display different works. And every state has its own culture. It would be great if the museum could cover different civilizations from many parts of the world. The most important is that the conditions there should be fine.
That's my idea about the plan. I hope Jinhua has a rich and varied cultural life.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: Dear Sir
I'm L.
correct_sentence: Dear Sir,
I'm L.
correction: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: In English letter format, the salutation 〈Dear Sir〉 should be followed by a comma to separate it from the body. The original sentence lacks this comma, not conforming to standard letter format specifications; a comma 『,』 should be added to correct the format.
error_sentence: I write this letter to you to suggest building an art museum.
correct_sentence: I am writing this letter to you to suggest building an art museum.
error: write
correction: am writing
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: In letter writing, to describe an action currently in progress, the present continuous tense should be used. In the original sentence, 〈write〉 is in the simple present tense, which cannot reflect that the action of writing is ongoing; it should be changed to the present continuous tense 『am writing』 to accurately express the immediacy of writing the letter.
error_sentence: Now, I'll tell the reason why I do that.

correct_sentence: Now, I'll tell you the reason why I am doing that.

correction: you
error_type: Pronoun Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Pronoun Error: The verb “tell” requires a double object structure, i.e., “tell sb. sth.”. The original phrase 〈tell the reason〉 lacks an indirect object, making the structure incomplete; 『you』 should be added as the indirect object to clearly state the recipient of the letter, making the sentence's meaning clear.
error_sentence: Now, I'll tell the reason why I do that.

correct_sentence: Now, I'll tell you the reason why I am doing that.

error: do
correction: am doing
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: This describes an action currently in progress; according to tense rules, the present continuous tense should be used. In the original sentence, 〈do〉 is in the simple present tense form, which does not fit the context; it needs to be changed to the present continuous tense 『am doing』 to maintain tense consistency.
error_sentence: These years,people in Jinhua has poor cultural life.
correct_sentence: These years, people in Jinhua have had a poor cultural life.
error: has
correction: have had a
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Subject-Verb Agreement Error: “people” is a plural subject; according to the principle of subject-verb agreement, the predicate verb should be in the plural form. In the original sentence, 〈has〉 is in the third-person singular form and should be changed to the plural form 『have』; ② Verb Tense Error: “These years” indicates a period from the past to the present, emphasizing the continuity of the action, requiring the present perfect tense. The original sentence does not use the present perfect tense and should be changed to 『have had』 to accurately express the continuous state in recent years; ③ Determiner Error: 〈poor cultural life〉 is a singular countable noun, requiring a determiner before it; the indefinite article 『a』 should be added.
error_sentence: So I think it's necessary to build a new museum to cultivate our mind.

correct_sentence: So I think it's necessary to build a new museum to cultivate our minds.

error: mind
correction: minds
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Noun Number Error: “our” is a pronoun with a plural concept, and the corresponding noun should also be in plural form. In the original sentence, 〈mind〉 is singular and should be changed to the plural form 『minds』 to make the noun consistent with the pronoun in number.
error_sentence: A beautiful name can interest people to enjoy the works of art there.
correct_sentence: A beautiful name can interest people in enjoying the works of art there.
error: to enjoy
correction: in enjoying
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: “interest sb. in doing sth.” is a fixed phrase meaning “to make someone interested in doing something”. The use of 〈to enjoy〉 in the original sentence does not conform to this phrase rule and should be changed to 『in enjoying』 to make the expression idiomatic in English.
error_sentence: And every state has their own culture, it would be great if the museum can cover different civilizations from many parts of the world.
correct_sentence: And every state has its own culture.
error: their
correction: its
error_type: Pronoun Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Pronoun Error: “every state” is a singular subject, and its possessive pronoun should be in the singular form. In the original sentence, 〈their〉 is a plural possessive pronoun, which does not match the subject; it should be changed to the singular form 『its』 to ensure the pronoun is consistent with the subject in number.
error_sentence: And every state has their own culture, it would be great if the museum can cover different civilizations from many parts of the world.
correct_sentence: And every state has its own culture. It would be great if the museum could cover different civilizations from many parts of the world.
error: , it
correction: . It
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: In the original sentence, 〈every state has their own culture〉 and 〈it would be great if the museum can cover different civilizations from many parts of the world〉 are two independent clauses and cannot be connected only by a comma; there is a comma splice error. 〈, it〉 should be changed to 『. It』 to correctly separate the two sentences, and according to English writing conventions, the first letter of a word at the beginning of a sentence should be capitalized; the letter 〈i〉 at the beginning of the sentence should be capitalized as 『It』.
error_sentence: And every state has their own culture, it would be great if the museum can cover different civilizations from many parts of the world.
correct_sentence: It would be great if the museum could cover different civilizations from many parts of the world.
error: can
correction: could
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: This sentence expresses a hypothetical situation in the subjunctive mood; in the subjunctive mood, a past modal verb should be used. In the original sentence, 〈can〉 is in the simple present tense form, which does not fit the subjunctive mood context; it should be changed to the past form 『could』 to make the sentence meet the expressive requirement.
error_sentence: That's my ideas about the plan.
correct_sentence: That's my idea about the plan.
error: ideas
correction: idea
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Noun Number Error: The demonstrative pronoun “That's” is singular; in English, when a demonstrative pronoun refers to a single item, the accompanying noun should also remain singular. In the original sentence, 〈ideas〉 is plural, which does not conform to grammatical rules, and should be changed to the singular form 『idea』 to make the demonstrative pronoun and noun consistent in number.
error_sentence: I hope J has rich and varied cultural life.

correct_sentence: I hope Jinhua has a rich and varied cultural life.
error: J has
correction: Jinhua has a
error_type: Noun Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Noun Error: According to English expression habits, the abbreviation 〈J〉 is unclear in meaning and can easily cause confusion; it needs to be changed to the full place name 『Jinhua』 to accurately express the location; ② Determiner Error: According to English grammar rules, the abstract noun phrase 〈cultural life〉 requires an article before it; 『a』 should be added to make the sentence grammatically complete.
error_sentence: I hope J has rich and varied cultural life.
 L
correct_sentence: I hope Jinhua has a rich and varied cultural life.
error: 
L
error_type: Format Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Format Error: According to English letter writing conventions, the closing signature should be on a separate line. In the original sentence, 〈L〉 is not correctly separated from the body, and there is an extra line break, which does not conform to standard format. The extra 〈L〉 needs to be removed and the signature placed separately after the body to comply with English letter format requirements.