Writing prompt: How to Drive Safely?

Student essay:
Today, many families have cars, but at the same time the accident become more and more. To protect others and yourself, don't drive after drinking wine at fist. Because you can't control yourself well. Then don't drive tiredly, though you drink the energy drinks. And don't try using phones when you are driving. It is dangerous! Last, when you find someone is crossing the streets, even children and old people, you must be slowly down.
In order to protect your and others safety, please drive carefully.

Corrected essay:
Today, many families have cars, but at the same time accidents are becoming more and more common. To protect others and yourself, don't drive after drinking wine at first, because you can't control yourself well. Then don't drive tiredly, even if you drink the energy drinks. And don't try using phones when you are driving. It is dangerous! Last, when you find someone crossing the street, especially children and old people, you must slow down.
In order to protect your and others' safety, please drive carefully.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: Today, many families have cars, but at the same time the accident become more and more.
correct_sentence: Today, many families have cars, but at the same time accidents are becoming more and more common.
error: the accident become
correction: accidents are becoming
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 5
error_description: ① Noun Number Error: According to the context, the noun 〈accident〉 in the original sentence should be in the plural form 『accidents』 to indicate a general situation, so 〈the accident〉 should be changed to 『accidents』 to fit the context; ② Verb Tense Error: According to the context, the meaning here is “becoming more and more important”, so the present continuous tense should be used; the original verb 〈become〉 is in the simple present tense, so 〈become〉 needs to be changed to 『are becoming』 to fit the context.
error_sentence: Today, many families have cars, but at the same time the accident become more and more.
correct_sentence: Today, many families have cars, but at the same time accidents are becoming more and more common.
correction: common
error_type: Adjective Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Adjective Error: According to the context, the intention here is to express "more and more common"; the original sentence lacks an adjective, so the adjective 『common』 needs to be added to fit the context.
error_sentence: To protect others and yourself, don't drive after drinking wine at fist. Because you can't control yourself well.
correct_sentence: To protect others and yourself, don't drive after drinking wine at first, because you can't control yourself well.
error: fist. Because
correction: first, because
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Spelling Error: According to the meaning of the sentence, the intention here is to express "first", so 〈fist〉 is a misspelling of 『first』; 〈fist〉 needs to be changed to 『first』 to make the sentence coherent; ② Punctuation Error: According to English expression habits, a clause introduced by 〈Because〉 cannot stand as an independent sentence, so the original sentence is merged with the preceding one, changing 〈. Because〉 to 『, because』 to conform to expression habits.
error_sentence: Then don't drive tiredly, though you drink the energy drinks.
correct_sentence: Then don't drive tiredly, even if you drink the energy drinks.
error: though
correction: even if
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Conjunction Error: According to the context, the meaning here is "even if"; the conjunction 〈though〉 does not fit the logical relationship, so 〈though〉 needs to be changed to 『even if』 to express a concessive relationship.
error_sentence: Last, when you find someone is crossing the streets, even children and old people, you must be slowly down.

correct_sentence: Last, when you find someone crossing the street, especially children and old people, you must slow down.

error: is
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Word Redundancy Error: According to English grammar rules, the original phrase 〈is crossing〉 contains a redundant be-verb; a be-verb appearing alone means 'is'. 〈is〉 should be deleted, changing the phrase to 『find someone crossing』 to conform to English grammar.
error_sentence: Last, when you find someone is crossing the streets, even children and old people, you must be slowly down.

correct_sentence: Last, when you find someone crossing the street, especially children and old people, you must slow down.

error: streets, even
correction: street, especially
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 5
error_description: ① Noun Number Error: According to English grammar rules, the singular form 『street』 is used for specific scenes, so 〈streets〉 needs to be changed to 『street』 to conform to grammar; ② Conjunction Error: According to the context, the meaning here is "especially"; the original word 〈even〉 does not fit the semantics, so 〈even〉 needs to be changed to 『especially』 to emphasize specific groups of people and fit the semantics.
error_sentence: Last, when you find someone is crossing the streets, even children and old people, you must be slowly down.

correct_sentence: Last, when you find someone crossing the street, especially children and old people, you must slow down.

error: be slowly
correction: slow
error_type: Verb Choice Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Choice Error: According to the context, the sentence here means "slow down"; the phrase 〈be slowly〉 in the original sentence does not fit the meaning, so 〈be slowly〉 needs to be changed to 『slow』 to fit the context.
error_sentence: In order to protect your and others safety, please drive carefully.
correct_sentence: In order to protect your and others' safety, please drive carefully.
correction: '
error_type: Noun Possessive Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Noun Possessive Error: According to English grammar rules and the prompt requirements, the meaning here is "others' safety"; the phrase 〈others safety〉 in the original sentence needs to use the possessive form to indicate its owned item, so 〈others safety〉 is changed to 『others' safety』 to fit the context.