Writing prompt: An Analysis of Student Birthday Spending and Reasonable Suggestions

Student essay:
Last week,I did a survey among 120 students on their birthday expenses in my school.
According to the result of the survey,there are about twelve students spend less than 100 yuan in birthday.55 percent students ask their parents for 100 to 200 yuan for their birthday.200 to 300 yuan is cost by one fifth students.The percentage of students who are provided with over 300 yuan for a birthday is about fifteen.
In my opinion,I think it's normal that students spend no more than 200 yuan for their birthday.I find out following reasons for why a few students need so much money for birthday.First of all,they are likely to blindly compete with others.They want to show off they are richer than their classmates and they think they are cool.As for their parents,it's possible that they spoil their children.They love children so much that they are in a wrong method of loving them.
I'd like to give some advice.Students should get along well with classmates and stop blindly competing with them.Parents had better not spoil their children any longer and love them properly.If they can do all above,the birthday expenses will be reduced.

Corrected essay:
Last week, I did a survey among 120 students on their birthday expenses in my school.
According to the result of the survey, there are about twelve students who spend less than 100 yuan on their birthday. Fifty-five percent of students ask their parents for 100 to 200 yuan for their birthday. Two hundred to 300 yuan is spent by one fifth of the students. The percentage of students who are provided with over 300 yuan for a birthday is about fifteen.
In my opinion, I think it's normal that students spend no more than 200 yuan on their birthday. I find out the following reasons why a few students need so much money for their birthday. First of all, they are likely to blindly compete with others. They want to show off they are richer than their classmates and they think they are cool. As for their parents, it's possible that they spoil their children. They love their children so much that they use a wrong method of loving them.
I'd like to give some advice. Students should get along well with classmates and stop blindly competing with them. Parents had better not spoil their children any longer and love them properly. If they can do all the above, the birthday expenses will be reduced.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: According to the result of the survey,there are about twelve students spend less than 100 yuan in birthday.55 percent students ask their parents for 100 to 200 yuan for their birthday.200 to 300 yuan is cost by one fifth students.
correct_sentence: According to the result of the survey, there are about twelve students who spend less than 100 yuan on their birthday.
correction: who
error_type: Relative Word Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Relative Word Error: According to the context, the original sentence's relative clause lacks a guiding relative pronoun; therefore, the relative pronoun 『who』 needs to be added after 〈students〉 to form a complete relative clause structure, ensuring the sentence structure is complete.
error_sentence: According to the result of the survey,there are about twelve students spend less than 100 yuan in birthday.55 percent students ask their parents for 100 to 200 yuan for their birthday.200 to 300 yuan is cost by one fifth students.
correct_sentence: According to the result of the survey, there are about twelve students who spend less than 100 yuan on their birthday. Fifty-five percent of students ask their parents for 100 to 200 yuan for their birthday.
error: in birthday.55 percent
correction: on their birthday. Fifty-five percent of
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Preposition Error: According to English expression habits, the prepositional collocation in the original sentence 〈spend...in birthday〉 is incorrect; therefore, 〈in birthday〉 needs to be changed to 『on their birthday』 to mean 'spend on birthday', conforming to expression habits; ② Determiner Error: According to English expression habits, the original phrase 〈55 percent students〉 lacks a determiner; 『of』 should be added to form 『Fifty-five percent of students』 to clarify the proportional relationship.
error_sentence: According to the result of the survey,there are about twelve students spend less than 100 yuan in birthday.55 percent students ask their parents for 100 to 200 yuan for their birthday.200 to 300 yuan is cost by one fifth students.
correct_sentence: Fifty-five percent of students ask their parents for 100 to 200 yuan for their birthday. Two hundred to 300 yuan is spent by one fifth of the students.
error: birthday.200
correction: birthday. Two hundred
error_type: Space Error
error_severity: 1
error_description: Space Error: According to English writing conventions, there should be a space between punctuation and words; the original phrase 〈birthday.200〉 lacks a space, so 〈birthday.200〉 needs to be changed to 『birthday. Two hundred』 to conform to writing conventions.
error_sentence: According to the result of the survey,there are about twelve students spend less than 100 yuan in birthday.55 percent students ask their parents for 100 to 200 yuan for their birthday.200 to 300 yuan is cost by one fifth students.
correct_sentence: Two hundred to 300 yuan is spent by one fifth of the students.
error: cost
correction: spent
error_type: Verb Choice Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Choice Error: According to the context, the sentence here means 'spent'; in the original sentence, 〈cost〉 expresses the passive state of expense, which does not fit the meaning; therefore, 〈cost〉 needs to be changed to 『spent』 to emphasize the active role of the subject, conforming to the context.
error_sentence: According to the result of the survey,there are about twelve students spend less than 100 yuan in birthday.55 percent students ask their parents for 100 to 200 yuan for their birthday.200 to 300 yuan is cost by one fifth students.
correct_sentence: Two hundred to 300 yuan is spent by one fifth of the students.
correction: of the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English expression habits, the original phrase 〈one fifth students〉 lacks a necessary determiner; 『of the』 needs to be added to form 『one fifth of the students』 to accurately represent the group 'one-fifth of the students', conforming to expression habits.
error_sentence: In my opinion,I think it's normal that students spend no more than 200 yuan for their birthday.
correct_sentence: In my opinion, I think it's normal that students spend no more than 200 yuan on their birthday.
error: for
correction: on
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: According to English expression habits, the collocation 〈spend...for their birthday〉 is incorrect; the preposition 〈for〉 does not fit the idiomatic expression; therefore, 〈for〉 needs to be changed to 『on』 to conform to time-related semantics.
error_sentence: I find out following reasons for why a few students need so much money for birthday.
correct_sentence: I find out the following reasons why a few students need so much money for their birthday.
correction: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English grammar rules, the definite article 『the』 indicates specificity; in the original phrase 〈following reasons〉, it specifically refers to 'the reasons that will be listed below'; therefore, 『the』 needs to be added before 〈following reasons〉 to clarify the meaning.
error_sentence: I find out following reasons for why a few students need so much money for birthday.
correct_sentence: I find out the following reasons why a few students need so much money for their birthday.
error: for
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Word Redundancy Error: According to the context, the meaning here is 'the reason is...'; in the original phrase 〈reasons for why〉, the expression is incorrect, and 〈for〉 is redundant here; therefore, the redundant preposition 〈for〉 needs to be deleted to make the sentence concise.
error_sentence: I find out following reasons for why a few students need so much money for birthday.
correct_sentence: I find out the following reasons why a few students need so much money for their birthday.
correction: their
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English grammar rules, the original word 〈birthday〉 lacks a necessary determiner to specify the object; therefore, 『their』 needs to be added before 〈birthday〉 to clarify possession.
error_sentence: They love children so much that they are in a wrong method of loving them.

correct_sentence: They love their children so much that they use a wrong method of loving them.

correction: their
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English grammar rules, the original word 〈children〉 lacks a necessary determiner to specify the object; therefore, 『their』 needs to be added before 〈children〉 to clarify possession.
error_sentence: They love children so much that they are in a wrong method of loving them.

correct_sentence: They love their children so much that they use a wrong method of loving them.

error: are in
correction: use
error_type: Verb Choice Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Choice Error: According to the context, the sentence here means 'use'; in the original sentence, 〈are in〉 means 'are', which does not fit the meaning; therefore, 〈are in〉 needs to be changed to 『use』 to conform to the context.
error_sentence: If they can do all above,the birthday expenses will be reduced.
correct_sentence: If they can do all the above, the birthday expenses will be reduced.
correction: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English expression habits, the definite article 『the』 indicates specificity; in the phrase 〈do all above〉, the necessary determiner 『the』 is missing to clarify the modified object; therefore, 『the』 needs to be added before 〈all above〉 to conform to expression habits.