Writing prompt: Book Report of the Beach

Student essay:
Sitting in Ocracoke Inlet, we were loading food and water for the next expedition. The loading work will finished tonight and we are able to set out tomorrow morning.
At dusk, a big ship which doesn't seem like a pirate ship anchored about 200 yards away. They seemed as if they are spying me, waiting for a great opportunity to launch an assault. How foolish they are! I'm going to smash them tomorrow! Before the battle, we need to enjoy ourselves.
I went up to the deck and yelled. "Boys, we finished loading goods. Now, it's time to have some fun. Get the rum out! Let's enjoy the lovely evening! " Whoops and hollers broke out in the crowd. The last dinner before sailing, which usually represents loads of good foods and rum, is always the crew members' favorite time. The feasting, drinking, dancing and revelry continued till the early hours of tomorrow.
Dawn broke. A cold mist rolled in from the sea. The fog was so thick that I can't see that ship now at all. I get up and walked to the side of the ship. Then I suddenly spotted two boats coming nearer and nearer, as if they are going to attack.
"Villains! Who are you? " I shouted to them. One of them stood up. He called back, pointing to their mast where I can see a British flag flying. "You can see from our flag that we are not pirates. " My guess is right. They are British navy. How dare they set eyes on me? This will be my first victory this month. "Sent a boat, then. Come aboard, so I can see who you are. " "I can't spare a boat. But when I come I'll be bringing my pistols. " That guy replied. His crew laughed loudly.
Foolish guys, I thought. I'll teach you a lesson today. I shook my sword at them. "Come on, then! You'll be sorry you ever set eyes on me! Boys, run up our flag! Let's smash them into the sea! " A battle is going to break out.

Corrected essay:
Sitting in Ocracoke Inlet, we were loading food and water for the next expedition. The loading work was finished tonight and we were able to set out tomorrow morning.
At dusk, a big ship which didn't seem like a pirate ship anchored about 200 yards away. They seemed as if they were spying on me, waiting for a great opportunity to launch an assault. How foolish they were! I was going to smash them tomorrow! Before the battle, we needed to enjoy ourselves.
I went up to the deck and yelled, "Boys, we finished loading goods. Now, it's time to have some fun. Get the rum out! Let's enjoy the lovely evening!" Whoops and hollers broke out in the crowd. The last dinner before sailing, which usually represented loads of good food and rum, was always the crew members' favorite time. The feasting, drinking, dancing and revelry continued till the early hours of the next day.
Dawn broke. A cold mist rolled in from the sea. The fog was so thick that I couldn't see that ship at all. I got up and walked to the side of the ship. Then I suddenly spotted two boats coming nearer and nearer, as if they were going to attack.
"Villains! Who are you?" I shouted to them. One of them stood up. He called back, pointing to their mast where I could see a British flag flying. "You can see from our flag that we are not pirates." My guess was right. They were British navy. How dare they set eyes on me? This would be my first victory this month. "Send a boat, then. Come aboard, so I can see who you are." "I can't spare a boat. But when I come I'll be bringing my pistols," that guy replied. His crew laughed loudly.
Foolish guys, I thought. I'd teach them a lesson today. I shook my sword at them. "Come on, then! You'll be sorry you ever set eyes on me! Boys, run up our flag! Let's smash them into the sea!" A battle was going to break out.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: The loading work will finished tonight and we are able to set out tomorrow morning.

correct_sentence: The loading work was finished tonight and we were able to set out tomorrow morning.

error: will
correction: was
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: Based on the context, this describes a past completed action; 〈will finished〉 needs to be changed to the past perfect tense 『was finished』.
error_sentence: The loading work will finished tonight and we are able to set out tomorrow morning.

correct_sentence: The loading work was finished tonight and we were able to set out tomorrow morning.

error: are
correction: were
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: Based on the context, this describes a past situation; 〈are〉 needs to be changed to 『were』 to comply with correct tense rules.
error_sentence: At dusk, a big ship which doesn't seem like a pirate ship anchored about 200 yards away.
correct_sentence: At dusk, a big ship which didn't seem like a pirate ship anchored about 200 yards away.
error: does
correction: did
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: Based on the context, this describes a past situation; the simple present tense 〈does〉 needs to be changed to the past tense form 『did』 to comply with correct tense rules.
error_sentence: They seemed as if they are spying me, waiting for a great opportunity to launch an assault.
correct_sentence: They seemed as if they were spying on me, waiting for a great opportunity to launch an assault.
error: are spying
correction: were spying on
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Verb Tense Error: Based on the context, this describes a past situation; the present continuous tense 〈are spying〉 needs to be changed to the past continuous tense 『were spying』 to comply with correct tense rules; ② Preposition Error: According to English grammar rules, 〈spying〉 should be followed by the preposition 『on』 to specify the object of the action; therefore, 〈spying me〉 needs to be changed to 『spying on me』.
error_sentence: How foolish they are!
correct_sentence: How foolish they were!
error: are
correction: were
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: Based on the context, this describes a past situation; 〈are〉 needs to be changed to 『were』 to comply with correct tense rules.
error_sentence: I'm going to smash them tomorrow!
correct_sentence: I was going to smash them tomorrow!
error: 'm
correction: was
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: Based on the context, this describes a past situation; 〈'm〉 needs to be changed to 『was』 to comply with correct tense rules.
error_sentence: Before the battle, we need to enjoy ourselves.

correct_sentence: Before the battle, we needed to enjoy ourselves.

error: need
correction: needed
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: Based on the context, this describes a past action; 〈need〉 needs to be changed to 『needed』 to comply with correct tense rules.
error_sentence: I went up to the deck and yelled.
correct_sentence: I went up to the deck and yelled, "Boys, we finished loading goods.
error: .
correction: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 1
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English writing conventions, a comma should be used before direct speech; changing 〈yelled.〉 to 『yelled,』 conforms to English punctuation standards.
error_sentence: The last dinner before sailing, which usually represents loads of good foods and rum, is always the crew members' favorite time.
correct_sentence: The last dinner before sailing, which usually represented loads of good food and rum, was always the crew members' favorite time.
error: represents
correction: represented
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: Based on the context, this describes a past action; 〈represents〉 needs to be changed to the past tense form 『represented』 to comply with correct tense rules.
error_sentence: The last dinner before sailing, which usually represents loads of good foods and rum, is always the crew members' favorite time.
correct_sentence: The last dinner before sailing, which usually represented loads of good food and rum, was always the crew members' favorite time.
error: foods
correction: food
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Noun Number Error: Based on the context, the intention here is to describe food in general, so the singular form should be used; therefore, 〈foods〉 is changed to 『food』.
error_sentence: The last dinner before sailing, which usually represents loads of good foods and rum, is always the crew members' favorite time.
correct_sentence: The last dinner before sailing, which usually represented loads of good food and rum, was always the crew members' favorite time.
error: is
correction: was
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: Based on the context, this describes a past situation; 〈is〉 needs to be changed to 『was』 to comply with correct tense rules.
error_sentence: The feasting, drinking, dancing and revelry continued till the early hours of tomorrow.

correct_sentence: The feasting, drinking, dancing and revelry continued till the early hours of the next day.

error: tomorrow
correction: the next day
error_type: Noun Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Noun Error: According to English expression habits, 〈tomorrow〉 is usually used for present or future tenses, while this describes a past time; therefore, 〈tomorrow〉 needs to be changed to 『the next day』 to conform to semantic logic.
error_sentence: The fog was so thick that I can't see that ship now at all.
correct_sentence: The fog was so thick that I couldn't see that ship at all.
error: ca
correction: could
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: Based on the context, this describes a past situation; 〈ca〉 needs to be changed to 『could』 to comply with correct tense rules.
error_sentence: The fog was so thick that I can't see that ship now at all.
correct_sentence: The fog was so thick that I couldn't see that ship at all.
error: now
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Word Redundancy Error: 〈now〉 indicates the current time; based on the context, it is unnecessary in this situation, so 〈now〉 is deleted to make the sentence more concise.
error_sentence: I get up and walked to the side of the ship.
correct_sentence: I got up and walked to the side of the ship.
error: get
correction: got
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: Based on the context, this describes a past action; 〈get〉 needs to be changed to 『got』 to comply with correct tense rules.
error_sentence: Then I suddenly spotted two boats coming nearer and nearer, as if they are going to attack.

correct_sentence: Then I suddenly spotted two boats coming nearer and nearer, as if they were going to attack.

error: are
correction: were
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: Based on the context, this describes a past situation; 〈are〉 needs to be changed to 『were』 to comply with correct tense rules.
error_sentence: He called back, pointing to their mast where I can see a British flag flying.
correct_sentence: He called back, pointing to their mast where I could see a British flag flying.
error: can
correction: could
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: Based on the context, this describes a past situation; 〈can〉 needs to be changed to 『could』 to comply with correct tense rules.
error_sentence: My guess is right.
correct_sentence: My guess was right.
error: is
correction: was
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: Based on the context, this describes a past situation; 〈is〉 needs to be changed to 『was』 to comply with correct tense rules.
error_sentence: They are British navy.
correct_sentence: They were British navy.
error: are
correction: were
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: Based on the context, this describes a past situation; 〈are〉 needs to be changed to 『were』 to comply with correct tense rules.
error_sentence: This will be my first victory this month.
correct_sentence: This would be my first victory this month.
error: will
correction: would
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: Based on the context, this describes a past situation; 〈will〉 needs to be changed to 『would』 to comply with correct tense rules.
error_sentence: "Sent a boat, then.
correct_sentence: "Send a boat, then.
error: Sent
correction: Send
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to English expression habits, imperative sentences in direct speech require the base form of the verb; therefore, 〈Sent〉 should be changed to 『Send』 to fit the correct context.
error_sentence: But when I come I'll be bringing my pistols. " That guy replied.
correct_sentence: But when I come I'll be bringing my pistols," that guy replied.
error: . " That
correction: ," that
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 1
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English expression habits, when direct speech ends, a comma should be used to connect to the speaker; therefore, 〈. " That〉 should be changed to 『," that』 to conform to writing conventions.
error_sentence: I'll teach you a lesson today.
correct_sentence: I'd teach them a lesson today.
error: 'll teach you
correction: 'd teach them
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Verb Tense Error: Based on the context, this describes a past situation; 〈'll teach〉 needs to be changed to 『'd teach』 to comply with correct tense rules; ② Pronoun Error: According to English expression habits, for distant reference, 『them』 should be used to replace 〈you〉 to maintain consistent reference.
error_sentence: A battle is going to break out.
correct_sentence: A battle was going to break out.
error: is
correction: was
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: Based on the context, this describes a past situation; 〈is〉 needs to be changed to 『was』 to comply with correct tense rules.