Writing prompt: Mobile Phones in Our Life

Student essay:
Hi! John,
I'm glad to hear from you.
Mobile phones are common in own life. In my family, everyone has a mobile phone. I got my first mobile phone when I was thirteen years old. I was so happy when I get my mobile phone.
I usually read e-books and search the Internet with my mobILe phone. My mouther thinks it's bad for me to take a phone, because she thinks it's bad for my study. But my dad thinks it's good for me, because it's can let them know where I am.

Corrected essay:
Hi! John,
I'm glad to hear from you.
Mobile phones are common in our life. In my family, everyone has a mobile phone. I got my first mobile phone when I was thirteen years old. I was so happy when I got my mobile phone.
I usually read e-books and search the Internet with my mobile phone. My mother thinks it's bad for me to take a phone, because she thinks it's bad for my study. But my dad thinks it's good for me, because it can let them know where I am.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: Mobile phones are common in own life.
correct_sentence: Mobile phones are common in our life.
error: own
correction: our
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English grammar rules, 〈own〉 as a determiner is often used with possessive pronouns, such as “my own” or “their own”. In the context of the original sentence, which aims to express the collective concept “in our life”, the use of 〈own〉 is inappropriate. It should be replaced with the determiner 『our』 to ensure semantic coherence and accurate expression.
error_sentence: I was so happy when I get my mobile phone.

correct_sentence: I was so happy when I got my mobile phone.

error: get
correction: got
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to English grammar rules, in a complex sentence, when the main clause 〈I was so happy〉 uses the past tense, the predicate verb in the adverbial clause of time should also maintain tense consistency. In the original sentence, 〈get〉 in the adverbial clause of time is in the simple present tense, which does not match the tense of the main clause. 〈get〉 should be changed to the past tense form 『got』 to unify the sentence tense and accurately express the past event “I was so happy when I got my mobile phone”.
error_sentence: I usually read e-books and search the Internet with my mobILe phone.
correct_sentence: I usually read e-books and search the Internet with my mobile phone.
error: mobILe
correction: mobile
error_type: Spelling Error
error_severity: 1
error_description: Spelling Error: According to English writing conventions, 〈mobile phone〉 is a common noun phrase, and 〈mobile〉 within it does not require capitalization. In the original sentence, 〈mobILe〉 has an issue of incorrect capitalization, violating standard spelling rules. It should be changed to the all-lowercase form 『mobile』 to make the sentence writing conform to English language norms.
error_sentence: My mouther thinks it's bad for me to take a phone, because she thinks it's bad for my study.
correct_sentence: My mother thinks it's bad for me to take a phone, because she thinks it's bad for my study.
error: mouther
correction: mother
error_type: Spelling Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Spelling Error: According to the meaning of the sentence, the intention here is to express “My mother thinks…”, but 〈mouther〉 is misspelled. The correct spelling is 『mother』, meaning “mother”. 〈mouther〉 needs to be changed to 『mother』 so that the sentence can correctly convey the meaning and conform to English word spelling conventions.
error_sentence: But my dad thinks it's good for me, because it's can let them know where I am.
correct_sentence: But my dad thinks it's good for me, because it can let them know where I am.
error: 's
error_type: Auxiliary Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Auxiliary Error: According to English grammar rules, 〈it's〉 in the original sentence is the contracted form of 〈it is〉. However, the modal verb 〈can〉 is already used here as the predicate to express ability, so the be-verb 〈is〉 is not needed. 〈's〉 is a redundant component; removing it and retaining 『it can』 makes the sentence structure correct, conforms to grammatical norms, and avoids semantic and structural confusion.