Writing prompt: A Story About Si Maguang

Student essay:
Si Maguang is a world-famous politician who lived in Song Dynasty.
When he was a seven-year-pld boy, he showed his talent. One day, when he was playing hide-and-seek in a yard with his friends, one of them dropped into a big tank which was filled with water and asked for help. Some of them were crying because of the scare, some were out for help, but only Si Maguang found a way to save him.
He hit the tank hard until it has been broken and the water ran out, then the child was able to get out of it. The adults soon arrived. To their surprise, the child had already been saved by Si Maguang.
I think the reason that Si Maguang made a big success was that he could think about the same thing in a different way from others.

Corrected essay:
Si Maguang is a world-famous politician who lived in the Song Dynasty. When he was a seven-year-old boy, he showed his talent. One day, when he was playing hide-and-seek in a yard with his friends, one of them dropped into a big tank which was filled with water and asked for help. Some of them were crying because of scare, some went out for help, but only Si Maguang found a way to save him.
He hit the tank hard until it was broken and the water ran out, and then the child was able to get out of it. The adults soon arrived. To their surprise, the child had already been saved by Si Maguang.
I think the reason that Si Maguang made a big success was that he could think about the same thing in a different way from others.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: Si Maguang is a world-famous politician who lived in Song Dynasty.

correct_sentence: Si Maguang is a world-famous politician who lived in the Song Dynasty.
correction: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English grammar rules, dynasty names as specific historical periods require the definite article 〈the〉, so 『the』 should be added before 〈Song Dynasty〉, forming the correct expression 『the Song Dynasty』.
error_sentence: Si Maguang is a world-famous politician who lived in Song Dynasty.

correct_sentence: Si Maguang is a world-famous politician who lived in the Song Dynasty. When he was a seven-year-old boy, he showed his talent.
error: 

error_type: Format Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Format Error: The newline character 〈/n〉 in the original sentence affects paragraph coherence; according to English writing conventions, the redundant newline character is deleted to optimize text fluency and layout structure.
error_sentence: When he was a seven-year-pld boy, he showed his talent.
correct_sentence: When he was a seven-year-old boy, he showed his talent.
error: pld
correction: old
error_type: Spelling Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Spelling Error: According to English word spelling rules, 〈pld〉 in 〈seven-year-pld〉 is misspelled; the correct form should be 『old』, so it is changed to 『seven-year-old』 to conform to the way of expressing age.
error_sentence: Some of them were crying because of the scare, some were out for help, but only Si Maguang found a way to save him.

correct_sentence: Some of them were crying because of scare, some went out for help, but only Si Maguang found a way to save him.

error: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to determiner usage rules, in the phrase 〈because of the scare〉, 〈scare〉 is an abstract noun generally referring to 'fear' and does not require a definite article; therefore, the redundant 『the』 is deleted, changing it to 『because of scare』 to comply with grammatical rules.
error_sentence: Some of them were crying because of the scare, some were out for help, but only Si Maguang found a way to save him.

correct_sentence: Some of them were crying because of scare, some went out for help, but only Si Maguang found a way to save him.

error: were
correction: went
error_type: Verb Choice Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Choice Error: According to English expression conventions, in the original sentence 〈were out for help〉, 〈were〉 cannot accurately express the action of 'going out to seek help'; according to the sentence meaning, a verb indicating movement, 『went』, should be used, changing it to 『went out for help』 to make the meaning clearer.
error_sentence: He hit the tank hard until it has been broken and the water ran out, then the child was able to get out of it.
correct_sentence: He hit the tank hard until it was broken and the water ran out, and then the child was able to get out of it.
error: has been
correction: was
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to English tense usage rules, the main clause verb 〈hit〉 is in the past tense; the verb in the subordinate clause introduced by the time adverbial 〈until〉 needs to maintain tense consistency, so the present perfect tense 〈has been broken〉 is changed to the past tense 『was broken』 to unify the sentence tense.
error_sentence: He hit the tank hard until it has been broken and the water ran out, then the child was able to get out of it.
correct_sentence: He hit the tank hard until it was broken and the water ran out, and then the child was able to get out of it.
correction: and
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Conjunction Error: In a compound sentence, two independent clauses need to be connected by a conjunction; the original sentence lacks a conjunction before 〈then〉, leading to a comma splice error. According to English grammar rules, 『and』 is added to form 『and then』, making the sentence structure complete.