Writing prompt: My Dream

Student essay:
Everyone has his most beautiful dream.My dream is to be a movie star.
When I grow up,I want to be a singer,because I like music very much.I like the sound of piano as water.I love guitar dynamic melody.I can sing and dance,too.I think it's very interesting and fine.So I hope I can be engaged in the work of music.
When I grow up,I want to be an actress.I hope I can meet my idol and play with them,and I like showing very much.
I will try my best to practice singing,and learn how to show.I believe that one day,I can realize my dream.Hard for dreams,come on!

Corrected essay:
Everyone has his most beautiful dream. My dream is to be a movie star.
When I grow up, I want to be a singer, because I like music very much. I like the sound of the piano as it is like water. I love the guitar's dynamic melody. I can sing and dance, too. I think it's very interesting and fine. So I hope I can be engaged in the work of music.
When I grow up, I want to be an actress. I hope I can meet my idols and play with them. And I like shows very much.
I will try my best to practice singing, and learn how to show. I believe that one day, I can realize my dream. Hard for dreams, come on!

Error analysis:
error_sentence: I like the sound of piano as water.
correct_sentence: I like the sound of the piano as it is like water.
correction: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: The countable noun 〈piano〉 requires the definite article 『the』 for specific reference, so 『the』 is added before 〈piano〉 to comply with grammatical rules.
error_sentence: I like the sound of piano as water.
correct_sentence: I like the sound of the piano as it is like water.
correction: it is like
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Sentence Structure Error: The original sentence is logically confused and semantically unclear; considering the context, it aims to express 'I like the sound of the piano because it is like water', thus 『it is like』 is added after 〈as〉 to ensure semantic coherence and grammatical correctness.
error_sentence: I love guitar dynamic melody.
correct_sentence: I love the guitar's dynamic melody.
error: guitar
correction: the guitar's
error_type: Noun Possessive Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Determiner Error: The countable noun 〈guitar〉 requires the definite article 『the』 for specific reference, so 『the』 is added before 〈guitar〉 to comply with grammatical rules; ② Noun Possessive Error: The intention here is to express 'the guitar's dynamic melody', requiring the possessive form 『guitar's』 to show the relationship with 〈dynamic melody〉, therefore 〈guitar〉 is changed to 『guitar's』 to correctly convey the meaning.
error_sentence: I hope I can meet my idol and play with them,and I like showing very much.

correct_sentence: I hope I can meet my idols and play with them.
error: idol
correction: idols
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Noun Number Error: The pronoun 〈them〉 is plural, so its corresponding antecedent should be the plural form 『idols』 to maintain number agreement; therefore, 〈idol〉 is changed to 『idols』 to comply with grammatical rules.
error_sentence: I hope I can meet my idol and play with them,and I like showing very much.

correct_sentence: I hope I can meet my idols and play with them. And I like shows very much.

error: ,and
correction: . And
error_sentence: I hope I can meet my idol and play with them,and I like showing very much.

correct_sentence: And I like shows very much.

error: showing
correction: shows
error_type: Noun Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Noun Error: The gerund 〈showing〉 does not fit the context; considering the context, the intention is to express 'performances' or 'shows (as events)', therefore 〈showing〉 is changed to 『shows』 to correctly convey the meaning.