Emotion: sadness
Problem: breakup with partner
Situation: My (ex)fiancé and I recently broke up, but we're still spending a great deal of time together, and we both say we're not sure if our relationship is 100% "done" and agreed to tell each other if we start dating other people. He said he doesn't want to see anyone else, but I came over one night to find him with a woman. It was their third date.

assistant: Hello, how are you doing?

user: Well, my fiance and I "sort of" broke up recently. I moved out of our place and all, but we continued to see each other at least 3X per week. And we both said we're not 100% sure that we're ok with us being done for good. - We promised to tell each other if we start dating anyone. He said he wasn't interested in dating. Three days after that conversation, I come over unexpectedly to find him making dinner for a woman I've never seen before. Turns out it was his 3rd date with her. He met her on a dating app a week before our conversation about promising to tell each other if we start dating others.

assistant: I'm so sorry that happened. Are you mostly hurt because he didn't tell you he was seeing somebody else?

user: To be honest, I'd still be hurt if he told me. But now on top of that hurt, I feel disrespected... and everything I thought I knew about him is kind of crushed. We were together 6 years, and I always, ALWAYS believed he was the most honest, kind, "stand up guy" I've ever known.

assistant: You must feel really torn up about it. I can tell that you care about your relationship.

user: Yes, that's true. The worst part is that he doesn't seem to think I have a right to be hurt. How do I even deal with someone who hurt me but doesn't care to take any responsibility whatsoever?

assistant: Maybe he didn't intend to hurt you. Its not like he invited you over to tease you. It is true that he didn't keep his promise, and that's his fault.

user: That's true. He didn't invite me over. I expected him to be at work that night. I was coming over to see our cats, which still all lived with him. I still had a key and it didn't occur to me that I could invade his privacy since I had been spending 3X a week with him, and he was fine with me using the key. The whole thing was a shock. I wouldn't have come in had I known what I'd find inside.

assistant: That would definitely add to the distress of the situation to have a weird surprise like that. It doesn't really seem like your fault that you were there but it is unfortunate nonetheless. Have you tried talking to h im yet?

user: Yeah. It's a long story to explain here, but at first he told me it was a first date... then he said it was a second date... then finally he said it was a third date. I had to figure out on my own that he met her through a dating app, which makes me feel extra icky because now I kind of feel like a stalker. (Don't worry, I didn't do anything illegal or immoral to figure this out at all. He left an easy breadcrumb trail for me to follow.... but it still feels gross that I felt compelled to research the situation because I could "feel" he was lying.)

assistant: That's ok, you have a vested interest in this person. It is natural to be interested in such things.

user: Yes. I'm not only invested in him. I have a SUPER close relationship with his two daughters. Some of the reason he wanted to see me after our "break up" is because he didn't want to tell his daughters that I might be out of their lives forever. He told me so much. And I love those girls so much. They're 13 and 16. They were 7 and 11 when I started seeing their dad.

assistant: There are a lot of therapists out there that might be able to help you navigate this. It's OK to get some outside help.

user: That's a good suggestion. I think individual therapy might benefit me. I could ask him if he's open to couple's counseling--even if it's over, it could help with closure.

assistant: Considering how much time you've put in to this relationship, I can tell you have a lot of feelings about all of this.

user: I do. I appreciate your talking the time to listen to me. Sometimes just talking about an issue can help organize one's feelings and thoughts.

assistant: Really, it is no problem. It helps to let it out sometimes, I feel that. Make sure you take care of your own needs before starting to smooth things over.

user: That is good advice. I haven't been eating or sleeping as well as I should since this all started. I'll work on that. --- Thank you so much for your time and help and kindness. :) I wish you a great weekend!

assistant: Thanks and you too, stay strong!

user: Thank you!!! Take good care, stranger. I sincerely wish you the very best. <3