Emotion: anger
Problem: problems with friends
Situation: My friend's husband is spreading false rumors about me because my daughter moved up in soccer and his didn't. He is saying I'm having an affair with the coach, who is married!  I am NOT and my daughter happens to be a much better soccer player.  I do like his wife but this is unforgiveable.

user: what should I do?

assistant: Can you tell me a little more about your situation so I can better understand?

user: My friend's husband is spreading false rumors about me because my daughter moved up in soccer and theirs didn't. He's telling people it's because I'm having an affair with the coach - who is married! This is not true! My daughter is a better soccer player. what do you think I should do?

assistant: It sounds like your friend's husband might be jealous of your daughter, or embarrassed that his daughter did not get moved up also. Have you spoken to your friend about this?

user: I haven't yet. I was deciding whether or not to talk to him directly or just her or both at the same time. I am really upset and don't want to lose her. I know people get all crazy about their kids and sports. I agree that he's jealous but his daughter isn't really that good - didn't make the school team either. Should I talk to my friend alone first?

assistant: It depends on the depth of the relationship between the three of you. How long have you all been friends?

user: About 6 years. Our daughters are also friends, too. I am single so I don't care about the husband but also don't want to come in between their marriage.

assistant: Yes, that is a difficult situation to know how to handle. It could be in your best interest to leave your friend out of it so she doesn't feel stuck in the middle or forced to take sides. However she could view the opposite as you going behind her back.

user: yes that's true. I don't want to go behind her back but also don't want to get her involved. I could have the coach talk to the dad maybe?

assistant: Yes, coaches are a great resource for life's dilemmas. Perhaps another option would be to casually mention something to him in passing, like at one your daughters games as to avoid any big blowups or emotional exlosions.

user: Oh that's a good idea - in public and not making a big deal about it - and before she moves teams and rumors get worse.

assistant: That is exactly right. Each person handles and avoids conflict differently and you have the important roll as leader in all of this. There is a chance he is not aware of the strain this has put on you emotionally and he could respond well to not being called out by someone else. Does that make sense?

user: it does - but doesn't seem that he cares about my strain on my life since he's the one spreading such lies about me. I just hate him!

assistant: I can understand how you would feel like he doesn't care about the strain it's placed. Can I ask, are your daughters aware or involved in these rumor's? This could make a difference in how you could respond.

user: I did tell her because I was so mad when another mom told me. She doesn't care. She still likes the friend but not the dad.

assistant: Sounds like your daughter has a good head on her shoulders. Maybe there's something to be learned from her reaction to all of this. I understand how hard this has been for you so perhaps simply ignoring the rumors will allow you to heal quicker, by simply being the bigger person. Because rumors are just rumors, after all. You and your daughter know the truth and that's all that matters.

user: yes you're right. I will try to just ignore. And figure out what to do with my anger over all this? Maybe go for a run and also avoid him?

assistant: If he knows you know and you rise above with a smile on your face, that could show him that you are more mature than his childish games, and that you mean business. By taking ownership of your own feelings and emotions, you might find that will squash your need to let out any anger towards him.

user: oh I like that and I am willing to try. I am tired of wasting my energy being so angry at this man who like you said is jealous which is HIS problem and shouldn't be might, right?!

assistant: Exactly. Let his problems remain his. You worry about you and your daughter and he can watch from a distance confused at his failed attempt to reflect his own dissatisfaction with life onto you didn't work. I think you will feel freed of any stress this has caused.