Emotion: depression
Problem: breakup with partner
Situation: I recently found out my partner had been unfaithful to me and I don't think the relationship will survive.

assistant: hi! how's your day going?

user: Hi there, I really need someone to talk to. My partner has been cheating on me and I feel totally worthless.

assistant: oh my goodness. I'm so sorry to hear that. when did you find out?

user: Only very recently. I answered his phone and it was her! When I confronted him he admitted it.

assistant: that's a hard way to find out. are you still in the same house?

user: Yes because for financial reasons we have to be. Our relationship is really strained though and we are sleeping in separate bedrooms.

assistant: i can't imagine what you are going through, but separate spaces sounds like a very good idea to me.

user: It is made worse by the fact that we are in lockdown and so can't really see other people at the moment. Do you think I should try and break away for good?

assistant: before you take any action, i'd ask myself what are your options? you know that his actions have very little to do with you and more to do with him, right?

user: Well, I could move out but I can't afford to rent a flat on my own. I'd have to move in with my parents, realistically. I keep telling myself that but I feel really betrayed. I keep wondering what she is like and whether she is prettier and more successful than me.

assistant: are your parents supportive of that idea?

user: I have not really talked to them about it. I feel a bit ashamed having to admit to them that my relationship has not worked out.

assistant: it's not about her or you. it's about him.

user: But I can't help thinking that perhaps I did something wrong that made him stray?

assistant: they will understand. opening up to them will be the hardest part. it's a shame cocktail, but it's not one you made

user: Do you think that there is any point at all in trying to mend things at this stage? He has promised he will not see her again but I don't think I could ever trust him.

assistant: it's in our nature as women to ask "what did I do?" but it is never about us or anything we did.

user: Thank you, I am really glad that you understand. I don't feel that I will ever be able to trust any man again!

assistant: trust and vunerability is huge in a relationship. i'd look for professional help if you wan tot try and work on it

user: I can't really afford professional help. And I don't want to be a burden on my friends. I worry that I am already annoying them.

assistant: do you have a friend who has been through a similar situation? sometime that helps. also, sharing your burden with someone does NOT add to their burden

user: I do have a friend who has been through the same though ironically it is a male friend whose wife cheated on him!

assistant: my guess is he felt the same way you are feeling right now

user: Yes. It is just such a deep betrayal. I think I could have forgiven him if it had just been a one time mistake but he had been seeing her for ages.

assistant: watch the brene brown video on youtube with the cartoon animal about empathy - it should help when looking for friends to rely upon grrrr. that would make me angry too

user: It is nice to have things to distract myself from the things that are making me feel terrible. Do you have any other suggestions for distractions? I just keep thinking that every evening when he was returning home with me and with every nice thing he said he was being false.

assistant: i'm totally into the podcasts "a slob comes clean" basically it's about getting your poop in a group

user: Hmm that sounds .. interesting :D. Is that a metaphor?

assistant: that's so hard. imagine how much energy he had to use to keep his lives from colliding. he couldn't find a better use for that energy?!

user: I know, right!! Do you think it would be helpful for me to try and talk to this woman and see how she feels? I dunno if she even realises that he was in a committed relationship

assistant: yes! LOL but it's been helping me focus my anxiety into being a bit more productive

user: Anything that will help me with my anxiety is worth trying at the moment.

assistant: what do you want to hear from her? is there anything she could say that woudl make you feel better? NO!! she's not going to be able to help you unless you need a witness for divorce court

user: It would be less of a betrayal, I think, if she did not know about me. I would never do that to another woman!

assistant: she likely knew, othewise how would he explain all the time he spent with you to her?

user: I suppose that's a good point too. I think maybe I do just need to make a total break and not look back. I do appreciate you talking, you have helped me to see things a great deal more clearly than I previously did.

assistant: glad i could help. please stay safe and no matter what you decide to do, you will be fine.