The Net is a movie I never saw upon release, I remember giving it a pass upon the mediocre reviews and since then perhaps been noticing a snippet here and there when it's been on TV. Seeing it now, fourteen years after it's original release, I'm a little flabbergasted as to how time flies. Being in my mid 20's, it made my childhood feel ancient. I felt as if I should probably do some exercise before my body starts stacking up fat in all the wrong places. Cut down on fat and sugar. Too much coffee and cigarettes.

Anyway, that was the best part of this movie experience for me. I'd say the first 30 minutes of this movie really kept me occupied with retro heaven. Look at those big cans they call computers. Look, they chat in chat rooms! I remember those tank tops! They look.... stupid. And hey, it even stars Sandra Bullock. First billed! Would you look at that.

As a movie, The Net is just an unimaginative, plain and totally routine Hitchockian cat-and-mouse thriller. Nothing archaic about that, they made them then as much as they make them now. Bullock plays a reclusive computer nerd who's job it is to fix software for people who don't get "that whole computer thingy". As it happens, she stumbles upon some delicate information and after her vacation trip ends up with her nearly getting killed by a sexy lay who turns out to be a killer (played by Jeremy Northam, and she should have been suspicious by the fact that they are in an American movie and the guy both smokes and has a British accent!) she gets her "identity wiped out". Her house is empty, for sale, and upon checking it out, it turns out that she now has got a new identity. A convicted prostitute and impostor, no less.

Now you might say that this is improbable. How could they possibly do that to her? Even in 1995, it's impossible! That's true, but back in '95 a lot of people didn't even know what the Internet was. I can see how it's a plot hole you could have accepted back then. What's far more disastrous though is the inconsistencies that have nothing to do with technology. The movie obviously owes a lot to Hitchcock movies (it's one of those thrillers that feature a merry-go-round by night) but Hitchcock always made sure that his movies were plausible. The characters didn't act like confused maniacs when trying to prove their innocence, and the plot didn't conveniently lay down for a structure where one obstacle inevitable leads to the other. The characters also tried a little before giving into the whole rouge chase. Has Bullock's character really no friends what so ever? Couldn't any old high school teacher confirm her identity? Or like... her nearest pizza guy? Oh right, she orders pizza from the Internet. Never mind. You figure the movie out pretty quickly. There seems to be hope in an ex boyfriend. You really think so? You should always count on at least ONE surprise. The Net offers none.

The Internet poses a lot of danger, this movie seems to predict. But, had the movie been made today, imagine the troubles the villains would have to go through to ensure the identity wipe. Not only do they have to do all those boring literal things, she would still have her Facebook membership, with at least like 100 friends or so, and picture tags, not to mention she might be on YouTube or Linked-In, and what about her video blog with like 150 daily hits, or the webcams in her house and recorded video of her in other people's cell phones, webcams, web downloads... her IMDb membership?

Sentiment: negative