# Studying, Memory, and Test Taking

## Test Taking

Questions to Consider:
1. What are the differences between test prep and taking the actual test?
2. How can you take a whole person approach to test taking?
3. What can you do on test day to increase your confidence and success?
4. What should you know about test anxiety?
Once you are practicing good study habits, you’ll be better prepared for actual test taking. Since studying and test taking are both part of learning, honing your skills in one will help you in the other.
Probably the most obvious differences between your preparation for an exam and the actual test itself is your level of urgency and the time constraints. A slight elevation in your stress level can actually be okay for testing—it keeps you focused and on your game when you need to bring up all the information, thinking, and studying to show what you’ve learned. Properly executed, test preparation mixed in with a bit of stress can significantly improve your actual test-taking experience.

### Preparation vs. Actual Test

You can replicate the effective sense of urgency an actual test produces by including timed writing into your study sessions. You don’t need all of your study time to exactly replicate the test, but you would be well served to find out the format of the exam in advance and practice the skills you’ll need to use for the various test components. Consider this scenario: On one early exam in history, Stuart learned the prof was going to include several short-answer essay questions—one for each year of the time period covered. Stuart set up practice times to write for about 15 to 20 minutes on significant events from his notes because he estimated that would be about how much time he could devote out of the hour-long testing session to write one or two required short-answer questions. He would write a prompt from his notes, set a timer, and start writing. If you’re ready and you have practiced and know the material, 20 minutes is adequate to prepare, draft, and revise a short response, but you don’t have a lot of extra time.
Likewise, in a math exam, you will need to know what kinds of problems you will have to solve and to what extent you’ll need to show your computational work on the exam. If you are able to incorporate this sort of timed problem-solving into your study time, you’ll be more prepared and confident when you actually come to the exam. Making yourself adhere to a timed session during your study can only help. It puts a sense of urgency on you, and it will help you to find out what types of problems you need to practice more than ones that perhaps you’re more comfortable solving.

### Leveraging Study Habits for Test Prep

In your mind, you probably know what you need to do to be prepared for tests. Occasionally, something may surprise you—emphasis on a concept you considered unimportant or a different presentation of a familiar problem. But those should be exceptions. You can use all of your well-honed study habits to get ready for exams.  is a checklist for study and test success for your consideration:
Read this list with each separate class in mind, and check off the items you already do. Give yourself one point for every item you checked. If you always take the success steps—congratulations! They are not a guarantee, but doing the steps mindfully will give you a nice head start. If you do fewer than five of the steps—you have some work to do. But recognition is a good place to start, and you can incorporate these steps starting now.
As strange as this may sound, you can find some interesting research articles online about using the taste or smell of peppermint to increase memory, recall, and focus. Read more at: http://naturalsociety.com/mint-scent-improve-brain-cognition-memory. While sucking on a peppermint disk won’t replace studying, why not experiment with this relatively easy idea that seems to be gaining some scientific traction?

### Whole Person Approach to Testing

Just because you are facing a major exam in your engineering class (or math or science or English class) doesn’t mean everything else in your life comes to a stop. Perhaps that’s somewhat annoying, but that’s reality. Allergies still flare up, children still need to eat, and you still need to sleep. You must see your academic life as one segment of who you are—it’s an important segment, but just one aspect of who you are as a whole person. Consider this example: Neela tries to turn off everything else when she has exams coming up in her nursing program, which is pretty often. She ignores her health, puts off her family, tries to reschedule competing work tasks, and focuses all her energy on the pending exam. On the surface, that sounds like a reasonable approach, but if she becomes really sick by ignoring a minor head cold, or if she misses an important school deadline for one of her children, Neela risks making matters worse by attempting to compartmentalize so strictly. Taking care of her own health by eating and sleeping properly; asking for help in other aspects of her busy life, such as attending to the needs of her children; and seeing the big picture of how it all fits together would be a better approach. Pretending otherwise may work sporadically, but it is not sustainable for the long run.
A whole person approach to testing takes a lot of organization, scheduling, and attention to detail, but the life- long benefits make the effort worthwhile.

### Establishing Realistic Expectations for Test Situations

Would you expect to make a perfect pastry if you’ve never learned how to bake? Or paint a masterpiece if you’ve never tried to work with paints and brushes? Probably not. But often we expect ourselves to perform at much higher levels of achievement than that for which we’ve actually prepared. If you become very upset and stressed if you make any score lower than the highest, you probably need to reevaluate your own expectations for test situations. Striving to always do your best is an admirable goal. Realistically knowing that your current best may not achieve the highest academic ratings can help you plot your progress.
Realistic continuous improvement is a better plan, because people who repeatedly attempt challenges for which they have not adequately prepared and understandably fail (or at least do not achieve the desired highest ranking) often start moving toward the goal in frustration. They simply quit. This doesn’t mean you settle for mediocre grades or refrain from your challenges. It means you become increasingly aware of yourself and your current state and potential future. Know yourself, know your strengths and weaknesses, and be honest with yourself about your expectations.

### Understanding Accommodations and Responsibilities

As with so many parts of life, some people take exams in stride and do just fine. Others may need more time or change of location or format to succeed in test-taking situations. With adequate notice, most faculty will provide students with reasonable accommodations to assist students in succeeding in test situations. If you feel that you would benefit from receiving these sorts of accommodations, first speak with your instructor. You may also need to talk to a student services advisor for specific requirements for accommodations at your institution.
If you need accommodations, you are responsible for understanding what your specific needs are and communicating your needs with your instructors. Before exams in class, you may be allowed to have someone else take notes for you, receive your books in audio form, engage an interpreter, or have adaptive devices in the classroom to help you participate. Testing accommodations may allow for additional time on the test, the use of a scribe to record exam answers, the use of a computer instead of handwriting answers, as well as other means to make the test situation successful. Talk to your instructors prior to the day of the test if you have questions about testing accommodations.

### Prioritizing Time Surrounding Test Situations

Keep in mind that you don’t have any more or less time than anyone else, so you can’t make time for an activity. You can only use the time everyone gets wisely and realistically. Exams in college classes are important, but they are not the only significant events you have in your classes. In fact, everything leading up to the exam, the exam itself, and the post-exam activities are all one large continuum. Think of the exam as an event with multiple phases, more like a long-distance run instead of a 50-yard dash. Step back and look at the big picture of this timeline. Draw it out on paper. What needs to happen between now and the exam so you feel comfortable, confident, and ready?
If your instructor conducts some sort of pre-exam summary or prep session, make sure to attend. These can be invaluable. If this instructor does not provide that sort of formal exam prep, create your own with a group of classmates or on your own. Consider everything you know about the exam, from written instructions to notes you took in class, including any experiential notes you may have from previous exams, such as the possibility of bonus points for answering an extra question that requires some time management on your part. You can read more about time management in Managing Your Time and Priorities.

### Test Day

Once you get to the exam session, try your best to focus on nothing but the exam. This can be very difficult with all the distractions in our lives. But if you have done all the groundwork to attend the classes, completed the assignments, and scheduled your exam prep time, you are ready to focus intently for the comparatively short time most exams last.
Arriving to class:
Don’t let yourself be sidetracked right at the end. Beyond the preparation we’ve discussed, give yourself some more advantages on the actual test day:
1. Get to the testing location a few minutes early so you can settle into your place and take a few relaxing breaths.
2. Don’t let other classmates interrupt your calmness at this point.
3. Just get to your designated place, take out whatever supplies and materials you are allowed to have, and calm your mind.
Taking the test:
Once the instructor begins the test:
1. Listen carefully for any last-minute oral directions that may have changed some detail on the exam, such as the timing or the content of the questions.
2. As soon as you receive the exam sheet or packet, make a quick scan over the entire test.
3. Don’t spend a lot of time on this initial glance, but make sure you are familiar with the layout and what you need to do.
4. Using this first review, decide how you will allocate your available time for each section.
5. You can even jot down how many minutes you can allow for the different sections or questions.
Then for each section, if the exam is divided this way, be sure you read the section directions very carefully so you don’t miss an important detail. For example, instructors often offer options—so you may have four short-answer questions from which to choose, but you only need to answer two of them. If you had not read the directions for that section, you may have thought you needed to provide answers to all four prompts. Working on extra questions for which you likely will receive no credit would be a waste of your limited exam time. The extra time you spend at the beginning is like an investment in your overall results.
Answer every required question on the exam. Even if you don’t complete each one, you may receive some credit for partial answers. Whether or not you can receive partial credit would be an excellent question to ask before the exam during the preparation time. If you are taking an exam that contains multiple-choice questions, go through and answer the questions about which you are the most confident first.
Read the entire question carefully even if you think you know what the stem (the introduction of the choices) says, and read all the choices. Skip really difficult questions or ones where your brain goes blank. Then you can go back and concentrate on those skipped ones later after you have answered the majority of the questions confidently. Sometimes a later question will trigger an idea in your mind that will help you answer the skipped questions.
And, in a similar fashion to spending a few minutes right at the beginning of the test time to read the directions carefully and identify the test elements, allow yourself a few minutes at the end of the exam session to review your answers. Depending on what sort of exam it is, you can use this time to check your math computations, review an essay for grammatical and content errors, or answer the difficult multiple- choice questions you skipped earlier. Finally, make sure you have completed the entire test: check the backs of pages, and verify that you have a corresponding answer section for every question section on the exam. It can be easy to skip a section with the idea you will come back to it but then forget to return there, which can have a significant impact on your test results.

### After the Test

As you leave the exam room, the last thing you may want to think about is that particular test. You probably have numerous other assignments, projects, and life obligations to attend to, especially if you pushed some of those off to study for this completed exam. Give yourself some space from this exam, but only for the duration of the time when your instructor is grading your exam. Once you have your results, study them—whether you did really well (Go, you!) or not as well as you had hoped (Keep your spirits up!). Both scenarios hold valuable information if you will use it.
Consider this example: Thandie had a habit of going all-out for exams before she took them, and she did pretty well usually, but once the instructor passed back the graded tests, she would look at the letter grade, glance half-heartedly at the instructor’s comments, and toss the exam away, ready to move on to the next chapter, section, or concept. A better plan would be to learn from her exam results and analyze both what she did well and where she struggled. After a particularly unimpressive exam outing in her statistics class, Thandie took her crumpled-up exam to the campus tutoring center, where the tutor reviewed the test with her section by section. Together they discovered that Thandie did particularly well on the computational sections, which she admitted were her favorites, and not well at all on the short-answer essay questions that she did not expect to find in a stats class, which in her experience had been more geared toward the mathematical side of solving statistical problems.
Going forward in this class, Thandie should practice writing out her explanations of how to compute the problems and talk to her instructor about ways to hone this skill. This tutoring session also proved to Thandie the benefit of holding on to important class papers—either electronically or in hard copy, depending on the class setup—for future reference. For some classes, you probably don’t need to keep every scrap of paper (or file) associated with your notes, exams, assignments, and projects, but for others, especially for those in your major, those early class materials may come in very handy in your more difficult later undergraduate courses or even in grad school when you need a quick refresher on the basic concepts.

### Test Anxiety

Test anxiety is very real. You may know this firsthand. Almost everyone gets a little nervous before a major exam, in the same way most people get slightly anxious meeting a new potential date or undertaking an unfamiliar activity. We second-guess whether we’re ready for this leap, if we prepared adequately, or if we should postpone this potentially awkward situation. And in most situations, testing included, that reasonable level of nervous anticipation can be a good thing—enhancing your focus and providing you with a bit of bravado to get you through a difficult time.
Test anxiety, however, can cause us to doubt ourselves so severely that we underperform or overcompensate to the point that we do not do well on the exam. Don’t despair; you can still succeed if you suffer from test anxiety. The first step is to understand what it is and what it is not, and then to practice some simple strategies to cope with your anxious feelings relative to test taking. Whatever you do, don’t use the label test anxiety to keep you from your dreams of completing your education and pursuing whatever career you have your eyes on. You are bigger than any anxiety.

### Understanding Test Anxiety

If someone tries to tell you that test anxiety is all in your head, they’re sort of right. Our thinking is a key element of anxiety of any sort. On the other hand, test anxiety can manifest itself in other parts of our bodies as well. You may feel queasy or light-headed if you are experiencing test anxiety. Your palms may sweat, or you may become suddenly very hot or very cold for no apparent reason. At its worst, test anxiety can cause its sufferers to experience several unpleasant conditions including nausea, diarrhea, and shortness of breath. Some people may feel as though they may throw up, faint, or have a heart attack, none of which would make going into a testing situation a pleasant idea. You can learn more about symptoms of test anxiety from the Anxiety and Depression Association of America that conducts research on this topic.Reteguiz, Jo-Ann. “Relationship between anxiety and standardized patient test performance in the medicine clerkship.” Journal of general internal medicine vol. 21,5 (2006): 415-8. doi:10.1111/j.1525-1497.2006.00419.
Back to our minds for a minute. We think constantly, and if we have important events coming up, such as exams, but other significant events as well, we tend to think about them seemingly all the time. Almost as if we have a movie reel looping in our heads, we can anticipate everything that may happen during these events—both sensational results and catastrophic endings. What if you oversleep on the test day? What if you’re hit by a bus on the way to campus? What if you get stung by a mysterious insect and have to save the world on the very day of your exam?
How about the other way? You win the lottery! Your screenplay is accepted by a major publisher! You get a multimillion-dollar record deal! It could happen. Typically, though, life falls somewhere in between those two extremes, unless you live in an action movie. Our minds, however, (perhaps influenced by some of those action movies or spy novels we’ve seen and read) often gravitate to those black-and-white, all-or-nothing results. Hence, we can become very nervous when we think about taking an exam because if we do really poorly, we think, we may have to face consequences as dire as dropping out of school or never graduating. Usually, this isn’t going to happen, but we can literally make ourselves sick with anxiety if we dwell on those slight possibilities. You actually may encounter a few tests in your academic careers that are so important that you have to alter your other life plans temporarily, but truly, this is the exception, not the rule. Don’t let the most extreme and severe result take over your thoughts. Prepare well and do your best, see where you land, and then go from there.

### Using Strategies to Manage Test Anxiety

You have to work hard to control test anxiety so it does not take an unhealthy hold on you every time you face a test situation, which for many of you will last well into your careers. One of the best ways to control test anxiety is to be prepared for the exam. You can control that part. You can also learn effective relaxation techniques including controlled breathing, visualization, and meditation. Some of these practices work well even in the moment: at your test site, take a deep breath, close your eyes, and smile—just bringing positive thoughts into your mind can help you meet the challenges of taking an exam without anxiety taking over.
The tests in the corporate world or in other career fields may not look exactly like the ones you encounter in college, but professionals of all sorts take tests routinely. Again, being prepared helps reduce or eliminate this anxiety in all these situations. Think of a presentation or an explanation you have provided well numerous times—you likely are not going to feel anxious about this same presentation if asked to provide it again. That’s because you are prepared and know what to expect. Try to replicate this feeling of preparation and confidence in your test-taking situations.
Many professions require participants to take frequent licensing exams to prove they are staying current in their rapidly changing work environments, including nursing, engineering, education, and architecture, as well as many other occupations. You have tools to take control of your thinking about tests. Better to face it head- on and let test anxiety know who’s in charge!


# Studying, Memory, and Test Taking

## Developing Metacognition

Questions to Consider:
1. What is metacognition?
2. What contributes to poor metacognition?
3. What can you do to improve your metacognition and in turn your learning?
Consider this scenario: Marcus has studied for his chemistry test by rereading the chapters and looking at his notes. He has spent several hours the night before doing this and feels ready for the test. The concepts are not particularly difficult, but there is a lot to recall. When he takes the test, he feels pretty confident that he has earned at least an 80% (B). He isn’t able to answer all the questions—and knows he could have studied longer—but he feels comfortable with his performance. When he gets the test back, he is surprised to learn he has earned a 54% (F). He has now realized that he didn’t really understand the material well enough to answer the types of questions his professor included. What happened to Marcus and what can he do differently next time?
Deep learning, as described earlier in the chapter, is the goal you should be striving for in most if not all of your college classes. The learning process starts with taking in information—through reading, listening, or doing—organizing it in your brain for quick recall or use, and then demonstrating, usually through a test or assignment, that you know the information. However, learning doesn’t end there. As you learn and demonstrate your knowledge, you will receive feedback to help you adjust your learning strategies or reflect the level of learning that has occurred.
Feedback can include the following:
1. A grade on a test in which you can see what questions you got right and what you got wrong.
2. Written feedback from an instructor or peer about what you have done well and what can be improved.
3. Immediate feedback on a skill (such as playing a note on an instrument) that indicates you did it correctly or not.
4. The ease or difficulty at which you can recall or explain information that you are learning.
This feedback is what you need to help you develop  which is the awareness of your own learning processes. When you have good metacognition, you can determine what you know and don’t know. You are also able to adjust your learning strategies to improve. Without this feedback, whether it is formal (e.g., a test grade) or informal (you stumble over defining terms), you will have more difficulty improving your awareness.
In Marcus’ case, he had poor metacognition because his study strategy, rereading the text and his notes and studying the night before, did not provide him with feedback on what he knew well and what he didn’t. In fact, what Marcus did produced  which is the belief that you know something better than you really do. This fluency illusion occurred because he reread the material and that made him confident that he knew the content. However, Marcus had poor metacognition. Now that Marcus has more feedback from his test, he can use that information to help him determine why he failed to learn the content well enough for the test.
Here are the steps for improving your metacognition so that you can adjust your thinking and study strategies for maximum benefit:
1. Choose a study strategy or a combination of them such as the ones described in this chapter, but be sure to include testing yourself (e.g., practice tests, teaching someone else, trying to rewrite notes from memory).
2. As you study, track what you are able to recall easily and what you still struggle with and focus on those areas.
3. Take the test, complete the assignment, or perform the skill.
4. Review the feedback you receive and examine it for what went well and what didn’t.
5. Make adjustments to your study strategies before the next assessment.
This feedback loop in which you use that information to make changes is essential to learning. If you don’t look at the grade or feedback and hope to “work harder” next time, you likely won’t be using the specific, effective, efficient learning strategies that could make a difference in the outcome and your grade.

### Friends & Family Matter

Michael’s recently failed test in calculus has rocked his confidence, especially since he has begun to doubt his abilities. While Michael was a good student—As and Bs—in high school, he was initially concerned that he was not ready for the academic expectations of college. This grade made this concern more real.
When Michael was in high school, his parents expected that he would never fail any assignment or any course. On the few occasions that he brought home a C or D on an assignment, they would ground him until he raised his grades. He believed he would not be ready for college if he did less than quality work. One time, his parents had a meeting with his high school biology teacher about his progress. They have been involved and concerned about his grades because they wanted the best from and for him.
Now that Michael is away from home and doesn’t need to share his grades, he feels uncertain about how to deal with this experience. He knows that his parents cannot contact his professors about his grades, so he doesn’t feel obligated to tell them everything just yet, especially because he has the opportunity to raise his grade in calculus. However, he wants to be honest about what has happened, especially if he cannot raise his grade before the end of the semester and needs to drop the course. He doesn’t want to surprise them with the information.

### Let’s Think About It

Michael has several options. Think through the consequences of each one, and choose the best option or create your own option.
1. Michael chooses not to share this failing grade with his family, so they are not aware of any of his struggles.
2. Michael shares his failing grade although he thinks it will cause undue stress with his family, and he will have to hear a lecture about not being ready for college.
3. Michael talks with his professor and a tutor about a plan to improve his studying and grades, and shares with his family what happened and how he plans to make changes.

### Let’s Talk About It

Michael is not obligated to share his grades with his family unless he feels some obligation or has made a clear commitment to keeping them updated on his progress. Some families make a pact that they will continue to provide support when they see each term’s transcripts. Here are some suggestions for communicating with others about the dilemma that Michael is facing:

1. “I wanted to let you know that I failed a test in my calculus class recently. I don’t want you to be alarmed—many in the class messed up on the first test—but I don’t want you to be surprised if I have to spend more time bringing this grade up. I have a plan and feel confident I can improve.”
2. “I recently struggled on a test because I was overconfident and slacked off. I realize that now and have talked with the professor about what to do differently. He assured me that it was normal and not an indication that I won’t be successful.”
3. “Most of my classes are going well and my grades are good, but I did have a test that I failed. I was surprised, but I realized that I had not prepared appropriately and since then I have met with a tutor and have started studying for the next test now. I even went to see my professor to check my understanding and he confirmed I was studying better.”
Whatever choice you would make in this situation, it is always best to communicate clearly your needs, your concerns, and even your uncertainties.

### Summary and Next Steps to College Success

Deepening your learning happens when you study effectively and prepare adequately for taking tests. Learning how to do these well can only help you be more successful. Additionally, this chapter discusses the role that metacognition plays in helping you improve your learning processes. This chapter has provided a variety of tools, strategies, tips and information about how to develop skills that will be most effective for your experience. You can help yourself by taking these guidelines seriously and tracking your progress. If one strategy works better for you in some classes and another is more suited to a different course, keep that in mind when you begin to study. Use all the resources available to you, and you’ll be well on your way to success in college.
Studying and test taking skills often need to evolve to meet the needs of college expectations. Even if you have solid skills your first year, you will need to continue to develop, hone, and add to them. To that end, consider what else about developing your memory, honing your study strategies, practicing good test-taking skills, or improving your metacognition you would like to learn or practice. Choose one of the following to explore further this term:
1. Develop a study plan that includes when, where, and how to study.
2. Incorporate spacing, interleaving, and practice testing as study strategies.
3. Eliminate test anxiety by implementing strategies to reduce stress.
4. Monitor self-awareness of how well you are learning and what needs to change.


# Building Relationships

## Introduction

### Student Survey

How confident are you in building relationships and working with others in college? Take this quick survey to figure it out, ranking questions on a scale of 1—4, 1 meaning “least like me” and 4 meaning “most like me.” These questions will help you determine how the chapter concepts relate to you right now. As you are introduced to new concepts and practices, it can be informative to reflect on how your understanding changes over time.
1. I set healthy boundaries when developing relationships.
2. I have gotten to know at least one professor well.
3. I have developed relationships with my peers in college.
4. I can work productively in groups.
You can also take the Chapter 6 survey anonymously online.

### About This Chapter

By the time you finish this chapter, you should be able to do the following:
1. Determine the key components of healthy relationships
2. Discuss steps for managing conflict in relationships.
3. Develop a plan to maximize your relationships in college.
4. Identify the steps for working effectively in a group.
Good relationships can mean the difference between an enjoyable college experience and a difficult one. Many students report within their first year that they have experienced loneliness or homesickness whether they live on campus or in another state or country or commute back and forth to college. The good news is that these states are temporary. With time, students who say they are lonely meet more people, get involved in study groups, and get to know their classmates and roommates better. The students who feel homesick or just miss their family, friends, and pets (yes, pets) also report that once the term gets busier with events, meetings, class work, and studying, they find that the homesickness goes away.
This is not to say that quality relationships don't take time or work to develop. In fact, you will want to be mindful of what you can do to start relationships and improve them to create a more enjoyable college experience. This chapter offers specific suggestions that can help you get the most out of living and working with others.


# Building Relationships

## The Benefits of Healthy Relationships

Questions to Consider:
1. How does self-care benefit relationships?
2. Why is community so important to healthy relationships?
3. What can I do to start developing relationships?
Relationships are key to happy and healthy lives. According to Dr. Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, people with the best health outcomes were people who “leaned into relationships, with family, with friends, with community.”https://www.cnbc.com/2018/03/20/this-harvard-study-reveals-how-you-can-be-happier-and-more-successful.html#:~:text=%E2%80%9COur%20study%20has%20shown%20that,said%20in%20the%20TED%20Talk.
Relationships come in many forms: classmates, family, friends, partners, coworkers, team members, and neighbors. Think of a relationship where you have mutual respect and trust, supporting each other in tough times, celebrating the good times, and communicating with ease and honesty. This is a healthy relationship. Do you have someone in mind? On the other hand, if communication is often tense or strained, confidences are broken, or you don’t feel listened to, appreciated, or valued, these are signs of an unhealthy relationship. Unhealthy relationships can have both immediate and longer-term health impacts. If you are unhappy in a relationship, try to improve the relationship, or end it. Do not stay in a relationship for the wrong reasons, such as fear of being alone or guilt.
If a partner tries to force you to do something sexually, harms you physically, or is verbally abusive, you are in a particularly unhealthy or dangerous relationship. Even if you believe the person loves you, it does not make up for the harm they are doing to you. End the relationship.
Take a moment to assess the health of your relationships. Who are the people who make you smile, who boost your confidence, who truly listen when you need to talk, and who want only the best for you? Investing in these relationships is likely to make you happier and healthier. Relationships are two-way streets. How committed are you to your relationships? How much effort do you put into nurturing your relationships?

### Self-Care

Healthy relationships start with healthy individuals. Self-care is learning to take good care of yourself and to prioritize your own needs. Self-care involves any activity that nurtures and refuels you, such as taking a walk in the woods, going to a yoga class, attending a sporting event, reading a good book, or spending time with friends. When you are feeling calm and nourished, you are going to look forward to your day, and despite how busy it is, you will prioritize time with friends and family. If you don’t take care of and learn to love yourself, you will never be able to bring your best self to any relationship.
An important dynamic you bring to any relationship is how you feel about yourself. Self-esteem is about loving yourself and being happy for who you are. Building healthy self-esteem impacts how you see yourself, which can drastically improve your relationships. While low self-esteem won’t keep us from romantic love, it can act as a barrier to a healthy relationship. If you do not believe you are good enough, how can you expect your partner to think so?
When you feel secure in yourself, this allows you and your partner to feel more secure about the relationship. If you have insecurities, it may show in your relationship as jealousy, defensiveness, or tension that leads to unnecessary arguments. Healthy self-esteem goes hand in hand with self-confidence, and feeling confident about yourself will translate into a stronger and more satisfying relationship. If you are experiencing low self-esteem, you may give your partner too much credit or stay in a relationship that is not healthy for you. If you find yourself changing your personality for someone else, that is never a sign of a healthy relationship.
You can reverse negative self-talk and build your self-esteem. If you catch yourself thinking you are unlovable, unattractive, or not good enough, it’s important to start talking to yourself in a positive way and to celebrate all that is uniquely you.
Self-care includes self-forgiveness. We all make mistakes. A misstep isn’t the end of the world. Pick yourself up, put things in perspective, acknowledge any lessons to be learned, focus on all that makes you special, and move forward. Be kind to yourself.

### The Importance of Community

The Nicoya Peninsula in Costa Rica is home to some of the highest number of centenarians (people who are 100 years old or older) in the world. Costa Ricans in general report a high level of life satisfaction. Dan Buettner, author of the Blue Zones study of the longest living populations in the world, explains that Costa Rica “is a place where religion, family, and social interaction are the main values, unlike trying to get ahead, or financial security, or status. Their cities are set up so they’re bumping into each other all day long. They walk to the markets, where they have conversations with people.”https://www.bluezones.com/2017/10/costa-rica-singapore-two-happiest-places-earth/
In many families in Costa Rica, multiple generations live together under the same roof or nearby where they can be involved in each other’s lives. Neighbors are like extended family, and people often stop in for a visit and go out of their way to help one another.
While this isn’t the way many of us live in the United States, the lessons from the Blue Zone study underscore the importance of community and the health benefits of connecting to and staying close to a community.
What communities do you belong to? Is your dorm a community? Is a sports team? Is a club or people you volunteer with? When you start seeing the social circles you connect to as communities and prioritize your time to develop more closeness with those communities, you will experience many physical, mental, and emotional health benefits.
According to an analysis of research on college students (Joe Cuseo, The Most Potent, Research-Based Principles of College Success), college students who have a higher sense of belonging and are more involved in their college community are more successful. Additionally, college students who are involved in extracurricular, volunteer, and part-time work experiences outside the classroom (less than 20 hours per week) earn higher grades than students who do not get involved in any out-of-class activities at all.
Research has shown that friends provide a sense of meaning or purpose in our lives, and that having a healthy social life is important to staying physically healthy. In a meta-analysis of the research results from 148 studies of over 300,000 participants, researchers found that social relationships are important in improving our lifespan. Social support has been linked to lower blood pressure and better immune system functioning. The meta-analysis also showed that social support operates on a continuum: the greater the extent of the relationships, the lower the health risks.Holt-Lunstad,
According to a 2018 report from the American College Health Association, in a 12-month period, 63 percent of college students have felt very lonely.American College Health Association. (2018). Fall 2018 reference group executive summary https://www.acha.org/documents/ncha/NCHA-II_Fall_2018_Reference_Group_Executive_Summary.pdf If you are feeling lonely or having a hard time making friends, know that the majority of people around you have also felt this way. Joining a group or a club of people who share your interests and passions is one of the best ways to make great friends and stay connected.

### Taking the First Step in a Relationship

Consider this scenario: John is a first-year student who has moved several hundred miles away from home to attend college. He is, by self-admission, shy and has difficulty making friends. When he steps into his first class for the term, he meets Praya, a second-year student who says “Hello” when he sits down next to her. She seems outgoing and engaged as she greets others in the class as if she has known them for a long time. He feels out of place.
“Hi, Haley. How was your internship over the summer?” Praya asks one student. She asks another student, “Breylin, how do we always have a class together?”
John sinks down in his seat, afraid she is going to ask him questions as well. He pulls out his phone and looks through social media to keep her from bothering him. As other students enter the class, some quiet and others talkative, John wonders if he will have to interact with them. Even though he has not met many people yet–and certainly has not had any deep conversations with anyone–he feels anxious about having to get to know strangers and feels most comfortable keeping to himself at least for now.
John’s story is not unusual. As you read in the previous section, many first-year college students have difficulty developing relationships in the first few weeks and months of college. The issue is often exacerbated by the constant notifications and vibrations that come from phones, which pull us out of conversations with others.
One way to improve your relationship-building skills is to learn the art of small talk, which is the first step in getting to know someone more deeply. Because we often turn to our phones or other distractions when faced with interacting with strangers – or even people we know well – it is no surprise that we haven’t quite developed solid communication skills. If you want to get more involved in campus organizations, feel more comfortable in your classes, and eliminate general awkwardness in most social situations, then practice small talk skills.
What can you “small talk” about? Here are some topics that could get you started.
1. The weather–”Wow, the cooler temperatures were a surprise this morning. Are you ready for the snow?”
2. The latest sporting event–”How about our Bears? I can’t believe they won in the final seconds of the game.”
3. Plans for the weekend–”Did you hear about that Halloween party in the park? Have you thought about going?”
4. The current trend on social media–”Did you see that challenge on TikTok?”
5. Majors–”What are you majoring in?” or “Are you a marketing major?”
6. Careers–”What kind of job are you anticipating after graduation?”
7. Schedule–”What are you taking this term? Anything you recommend?”
8. Organizations–”I have been thinking about joining an organization. What are you participating in?”
9. Recreation–”I got to play a new video game last weekend. Are you a gamer?”
10. The class–”I struggled with that homework last night. Was it hard for you?”
Of course, tried-and-true compliments work as well as long as you keep them neutral. Admiring someone’s clothing (“Great hoodie! Where did you get that?”) or course resources (“Nice laptop. Do you like using it?”) are safe bets. If you are not sure if you should ask the question or bring up the topic because you are concerned it may be controversial or not taken in the right way, then go with your instinct and choose something from the list above. Once you get to know people better, you can have deeper and more meaningful conversations.
One last note about “small talk.” If you struggle with being friendly with others or coming up with something to say in those uncomfortable moments, then commit to practicing your small talk skills. Look for times during the day to try them out such as before class starts, when you are waiting in line, or when you attend an event and don’t know many people. With practice, it gets easier to talk to people you don’t know well. And, who knows? You may find someone who can become a friend.


# Building Relationships

## Building Relationships in College

Questions to Consider:
1. What role will faculty play in my college experience?
2. What other kinds of relationships do I need to develop?
 provides an overview of the types of relationships you will develop in college. If you are aged 18- or 19-years old (often referred to as traditional college student age), you may look forward to expanding your relationship types beyond family and friends and authority figures to classmates (those who are in your classes), peers (those who are in college or near your age and have similar goals and activities), mentors (those who can help you develop skills or goals), and authority figures (those who direct and evaluate your work). If you are older than the traditional college student, you may also find that your circle of friends and colleagues will expand in some areas–and may even contract in others, at least while you are earning a degree.
Some people, such as professors, may fill multiple roles at different times in your college career. For example, a professor of your first-year seminar may be seen as an authority figure who dictates the learning objectives, creates assignments, and evaluates you. That same professor may become a mentor when you take them again your junior year as you are working on your major or participating in undergraduate research with them. Finally, your professor can become a friend after you graduate, especially if you have developed a bond with them that transcends the work you did together.
Because professors are an important part of the college experience, we will talk first about them and how to develop good relationships with them.

### What Professors Do

Professors are more than just teachers. This may be a surprise if you think about your experiences with high school teachers where they have their own classroom and a set of responsibilities including leading their classes that they must do between set hours each day of the week. College professors, by contrast, have much more flexibility and autonomy in their schedules, their workload, and their responsibilities outside of class. Because of these differences, you will want to view them in light of their additional roles and activities. See the table for a breakdown of common responsibilities professors have.

### Developing Relationships with Professors

Because your relationship with your professors is often the most visible and critical one to your learning and success in college, it is important that you take time to get to know your professors or at least remember their names, recognize them when you see them outside of class, and work diligently to meet their expectations. No one expects you to be best friends with them by the end of the semester, but you do want to view them differently than you may have viewed your high school teachers–as experts in their fields, partners in your learning, and mentors as you move through your degree. Here are a few ways that you can initiate and develop a relationship with your professors:
1. Get to know your professors. This means to learn their names and something about them. They may share a few personal stories or you may be able to view their resume (often called a CV or curriculum vitae), which will list their education and publications. It also means showing up early or staying after class to participate in small talk or stopping by their office hours to talk or schedule a time with them to connect virtually..
2. Demonstrate interest. You don’t have to love the course, topic, or professor to demonstrate curiosity and focus in class. Nod when you agree or understand something or smile at your professor when they make a joke. You may find that pretending to be interested at first leads to genuine interest.
3. Participate in class. One of the best ways to develop a positive relationship with your professor is to ask and answer questions in class. Engaging in a class discussion demonstrates interest in the topic and can go a long way in helping you stand out. If you don’t feel comfortable speaking up in class, schedule a meeting outside of class to discuss key ideas.
4. Ask about expectations and assignments. A great strategy that is underutilized is meeting with a professor before a test or assignment to ask about the expectations or to get clarification. In some cases, your professor may provide feedback on a draft or suggestions for studying.
5. Speak up when you stumble or fail. Contrary to some college students’ beliefs, professors want to talk to you when you fail a test or get a low grade because you misunderstood or procrastinated. Speak up when this happens even if you know well what contributed to your setback. Professors like to see that students are invested in their learning and improving.
6. Say “thank you.” If a professor gives you an extension on your paper or you just enjoyed the class, feel free to show some gratitude. Saying “Thank you for helping me conquer my math anxiety” or “I learned so much this semester” can go a long way toward building a relationship. And professors never get tired of students who are truly appreciative of their work.
As you read earlier in this section, professors have many different responsibilities in addition to teaching; however, they find joy and purpose in developing relationships with students who are engaged in their learning. While you don’t have to be on a first-name basis with all your professors by the time you graduate, you should consider identifying a few who have sparked your interest in their courses or research to get to know them better. It would be a shame to graduate and not be able to recall one professor you had!

### Managing Conflict with a Professor

Now that you know how to develop a meaningful connection with your professors, let’s address how to deal with some common issues that can arise and how to communicate clearly and professionally. While college is often portrayed as freedom, exploration, and fun, there may be a time (or multiple times) that is stressful or discouraging. These times can occur when you are not happy with an assignment, classmate, discussion topic, a response to something you did or did not do, feedback on your work, or a grade. Any time you find yourself worried, upset, or angry about an event or experience with a professor, take these steps so that you can resolve the issue quickly and positively.
Step 1. Take a deep breath and write down what happened. Do this before you speak to your professor. Both activities, breathing and writing, will help you calm down and focus. It will also help you gather your thoughts.
Step 2. Make an appointment with your professor. Don’t try to resolve the issue before, during, or after class as those are not ideal times to talk about an important issue unless it is the only availability you and the professor have. Explain why you want to meet to help the professor prepare. This is especially helpful if you have received a low grade as your professor may want to review the assignment or test beforehand.
Step 3. Explain the issue as clearly as possible. This is where the written account may help. Focus on what you experienced, heard, or read. Here is an example of a statement about a classmate’s rude behavior that a professor would want to know: “When I spoke up in class about the need for more resources for immigrants, my classmate said under his breath ‘They should just go back to where they belong. I don’t know why you care.’”
Step 4. Share how you felt about the event. It is important to acknowledge your emotions, but you don’t have to dwell on them. They will, however, provide some context as to why you feel the issue needs to be resolved. Here is an example: “I was surprised when Jarod said that when I was speaking and it made me mad that he would interrupt me with such a statement.”
Step 5. Provide a potential solution or ask for assistance resolving the issue. The phrases “Can you help me understand…?” and “Can you help me resolve this issue?” are both good ways to frame this part of the process when speaking to your professor. Be prepared to listen, take notes, and make a list of steps you can take.
A special word about resolving issues with grades, especially final grades. Your professors are human and may make mistakes as they grade and return your work. While it may be a rare occurrence, it is worth discussing what to do if this happens. Here are a few suggestions to help you resolve questions about grades.
1. Reach out as soon as you notice a grade that is lower than expected. Don’t wait until the end of the term to question a grade from months earlier.
2. If it is a grade on an assignment or test during the term, request a meeting in person or carefully ask in an email if you can get additional information about what you did or didn’t do that contributed to the grade.
3. If it is a final grade, reach out in person, by phone, or email, but be sure to follow these guidelines:

As with all your relationships in college, think about them in terms of building your network that will help you throughout college and after graduation. While you cannot avoid conflict–or bad experiences–you can manage how you respond to them and how you work with others, especially professors, to resolve issues.

### Developing Relationships with Others

In addition to developing relationships with professors, you will encounter a variety of people in different roles that are part of a fulfilling experience. Don’t overlook the opportunity to create deep, meaningful relationships with others as they will be part of your network for support during college. Here are some categories of people you will want to create intentional relationships with and what they can do to help you succeed in college.
1. Classmates. It seems obvious that you want to develop relationships with people in your classes, but many students overlook their fellow colleagues as potential friends or support networks. Classmates can help you learn the material when they serve as tutors or study buddies, and they can be an emotional support when you suffer a setback in a course.
2. Roommates. If you live on campus or away from home in off-campus housing, you may have a roommate. A roommate can also become a good friend who can make you feel more at home while you are away from your family.
3. Peers. Your peers are people who are other students who populate the college campus. You will encounter them when you join organizations, attend events, or use certain services on campus such as tutoring. Many colleges employ fellow college students on campus to manage a residential hall, serve food in the cafeteria, and hand out sports equipment at the gym. Your peers also run organizations such as clubs, professional-interest meetings, and Greek fraternities and sororities. Developing relationships with your peers can help you expand your network and create connections with people who you may find helpful when you launch your career.
4. Mentors. Many colleges provide opportunities for students to participate in mentorship programs. Your institution may have formal and informal programs that you can participate in to be mentored by a peer, a faculty or staff member, or even an alumnus in a career field that interests you. Mentors can provide you with advice and support as you work on your college and career goals.
5. Advisors. While there are many different roles on a college campus that could be included in this list, advisors deserve a special place because they are crucial to your success; they are also the first place to go when a student has an issue. Some advisors spend considerable time with students to help them choose a major and create a schedule each semester that will enable them to graduate. Others serve as a sounding board for students who are struggling in a class and deciding whether or not to drop. Developing a relationship with your advisor has obvious benefits: They get to know what your goals are and can help you refine them. They also are very knowledgeable about how to navigate the processes of completing a degree.
Developing quality relationships takes time, effort, and intentionality, but the rewards are many. Consider expanding your network each semester you are in college so that you have a rich, diverse group of people whom you know and can count on to help you reach your goals.

### Addressing Family Matters

A discussion about relationships while you are in college would not be complete without mentioning family (and even friends). For many students, the support they receive from family is key to their feelings of stability and support. However, there may be times that you experience tension or confusion with your family. Pressures arise from differences in experience or perspective, the financial aspects of college, and simply undergoing an evolution in your relationship. You may notice that your emotionally-supportive family is unable to help you navigate the college experience or give advice about what you should do. Other students may experience conflict when they choose a major or career pathway that goes against the wishes or expectations of family members. Finally, college students with children (or younger family members they care for) often feel overwhelmed when balancing their responsibilities; they may at the same time experience guilt or disappointment due to time spent away from the kids. Here are some times in which you may find that dealing with family can be difficult.
1. When you leave the family to attend college. Moving out can challenge a family if they expect or wish that you were still part of their day-to-day activities.
2. During holidays and breaks. Adapting to the schedule of the family can be challenging after your freedom to come and go (and go to bed and get up) when you want to.
3. When you experience a failure or setback. Letting your family know you failed a test or a course or didn’t get accepted in a program may concern them.
4. When you decide on a college major. Choosing a major they are not familiar with or they worry won’t lead to a specific job after college can contribute to their anxiety about your success.
5. When you decide to continue your education beyond your undergraduate degree. Deciding to take on more debt or take longer to be “done” with your education can cause worry about your future.
6. When you choose a career pathway. Choosing a career that they are not familiar with or do not approve of can cause stress in your relationship.
7. When you choose to participate in another experience rather than return home. Choosing a different experience (such as studying abroad) instead of going back home could make them feel left out of your life.
8. If you decide to stop out, drop out, or transfer.  Making a major decision that can have emotional and financial implications can upset your family if they have a firm belief in what you should do.
While it may seem obvious, it is worth stating this clearly: Your life is your life and the choices you make should be the ones you want to make. This may be difficult to do if your family is relying on you or you are relying on them for financial or emotional support. Honest conversations about what you want to do with your life and how you want to get there are always good first steps in managing any potential conflict. You may also want to keep in mind a few of these opportunities for you to help them understand your experience:
1. Keep the lines of communication open. Clear communication about what you are studying, what you like and don’t like, and how you are changing can head off surprises should you find that what you thought you wanted to study and what you thought you wanted to do with your life changes. If you experience a setback or a failure, be honest about it and demonstrate how you will get back on track.
2. Share with them some of your experiences. While you don’t have to recreate the lecture that blew your mind, you can share what you are learning or doing that is exciting you and developing your curiosity or purpose.
3. Assure them of the support you are receiving from your network. Most families worry when they are unsure of how you are making major life decisions. Let them know what resources, offices, and people are providing advice and support as you move through college. If you change your major after talking with your advisor and reviewing what you need to do to still graduate on time, let your family know!
4. Let go of your expectations. In some cases, your family may just not understand because they haven’t gone to college or they have not experienced what you have. You may just need to let go of the expectation that they will be able to provide the type of support that you want or need.
5. Create boundaries. If you feel as though your family is overstepping their role in your life decisions, set clear, firm boundaries about what help or advice you will and will not accept. Creating boundaries is part of every healthy relationship and parents and family members should be no different. If you have to decide that you cannot discuss your career plans with your family because the conversation devolves into shouting, then you must create boundaries to protect your mental health.


# Building Relationships

## Working in Groups

Questions to Consider:
1. What are the benefits of working in groups?
2. What can I do to work effectively in a group?

### Benefits of Working in Groups

When a professor assigns group work, most students initially cringe because they have had poor experiences collaborating on a project. Many of them have tales of group members who didn’t contribute equally or who disappeared altogether. It is no wonder that a popular meme includes a photo of a casket being lowered into the ground with the words “When I die, I want my group members to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time.” We can laugh at this extreme reaction, but there is some truth in feeling apprehension about being disappointed by others. This section makes the case that if you know more about how group dynamics can and should work and how to communicate effectively during the process of completing a group project, you are more likely to have a positive – or successful – experience.
Why do professors assign group projects if they are often fraught with challenges? Perhaps it is because group projects are probably the most “real world” experience you will do in college. Very rarely will you be asked to create a report, present to a client, develop a new product or treatment, or fix a problem without working with others and depending on them to do their parts in a timely and professional manner. The more practice you have developing your own skills as a group member and troubleshooting when things don’t go smoothly, the more nimble you will be when you have to collaborate in your job.
If you approach working in groups by anticipating the challenges and developing strategies to minimize their negative impact, you will be able to weather the stresses more successfully.  provides some common challenges that you may experience working in a group and reviews the strategies you can use to minimize or eliminate the challenges.

### Understanding Group Dynamics

One way to improve your work in groups is to learn more about group dynamics and stages. Bruce TuckmanTuckman, Bruce W (1965). “Developmental sequence in small groups”. Psychological Bulletin.  (1965) developed a model of group development. His initial four phases are forming, storming, norming and performing. In the forming phase, group members learn more about the task they must complete as well as getting to know each other. For the most part, members act and think individually and may be polite or quiet when trying to make decisions about what needs to be done. Group conflict arises in the storming phase when roles are assigned and a leader emerges. Some members may not voice their concerns and suffer from internal (and unexpressed) conflict while others may openly argue about what needs to be done. Groups may skip this phase altogether if communication is clear and roles are assigned to interest and strengths. The next phase is norming, or when group members work collectively to help each other achieve their goal. Members are aware of how their part fits into the whole and are mindful of supporting each other. The last phase is performing and is marked by members’ competence and confidence to complete goals.
Some groups revert to previous phases when there is unresolved conflict or when communication breaks down. The goal of group work is not to have a conflict-free experience, but to learn how to negotiate challenges, concerns, and changes during the process. When group members set common goals, create clear expectations, and communicate regularly, they are less likely to experience insurmountable obstacles.

### Setting Up Your Group for Success

### Review Assignment

If we use the Tuckman (1965) model, we can anticipate the steps for creating a successful group. First, review the assignment and ensure that everyone understands the scope of the work, especially the expectations of the final product. Take some time to discuss what the parts of the assignment are and what the expected outcome should be. Will you be writing a paper? Will you be presenting original research? Will you need special equipment, technology, or software to complete the project? Get clarity on the assignment before you get too far into the work.

### Choose Roles

Next, your group should determine roles. You may want to first determine the leader, or you may decide to share leadership between two members or choose a “second in command” should the leader not be able to fulfill the duties. Then, you will need to set roles and responsibilities for everyone else in the group. Be sure to discuss each other’s strengths, weaknesses, and interests. Different types of group projects call for different roles, so you may need to pick and choose what is appropriate for your project.  provides examples of roles and responsibilities that you may consider when assigning roles.

### Create a Communication Plan

When you have assigned roles and responsibilities, your group should create a communication plan. Because college students have different schedules and obligations, you will find that a strong communication plan can make working together easier. You may find that you need to work asynchronously, or not at the same time, and clear communication expectations will help your group both in person and online run smoothly. Here are some questions to guide your communication plan:
1. How will the group communicate primarily?
2. What will be the back-up communication strategy?
3. What will you do if a group member doesn’t respond to or acknowledge messages?
If group members do not want to share personal phone numbers, then consider using email or a shared drive folder to message each other.

### Write a Group Contract

To ensure that all members uphold their responsibilities, create a contract that lists all the expectations for the group. You can use a template or create your own based on the group members’ roles, dynamics, and assignment requirements. A group contract can be helpful in managing conflict and directing group members should someone not do their part. Here are the components you will want to consider and an example below of a contract:
1. Assignment reminders. Include a description of the goal or project and the final deadline.
2. General expectations or guiding principles. Provide a list of general expectations or principles that will guide a successful group. For example, you may determine that acting respectfully, communicating honestly, and giving full effort are important group principles.
3. Specific expectations or tasks. List expectations about communicating, delegating, meeting, completing tasks, and managing conflict.
4. Group members’ signatures. Include signatures or initials of the group members to underscore the importance of the contract.

### Managing Conflict in Groups

Conflict during group work does not have to be inevitable. With proper planning, clear roles and responsibilities, and a communication plan, your group can minimize a majority of issues that can arise. However, it is important to recognize what kinds of conflict can derail group work and review what steps you can take to get back on course. Here are a few examples of common conflicts:
1. No leader. When no leader emerges, it may be difficult to move forward. If this happens, each member may need to take a specific task and assume responsibility for that task. Group members who are not comfortable being the leader may also feel more comfortable with co-leaders.
2. Too many leaders. Many people with good ideas can derail a group project. If there are too many people vying to influence the group’s direction, ask all group members to speak openly about the conflict. The group may want to vote on who should assume the leadership positions or what direction the group should take if there are more than one good option.
3. Aggressiveness or hostility. A group member who tries to take over the project or is openly hostile during the process can make the experience miserable for everyone involved. The leader should take action immediately when the issue arises by clearly naming the behavior, avoiding emotional language, asking the reasons behind the anger, and communicating a plan to move forward with the project. This may mean assigning the member to a specific and limited role, or, in extreme situations, removing (or asking to remove) the member from the group.
4. Lack of communication. A group member who never responds to messages or who communicates inconsistently can make completing a group project very difficult. The leader should go back to the group contract and reach out to the member, preferably in writing, and describe the missing communication, the tasks that have not been completed, and what the group will be doing to move forward without the group member. Even if the group member never reads or responds to the message, the group will have evidence that they attempted to reach out.
5. Overpromising and underperforming. A group member that takes on tasks, promises to do them well and on time, and consistently misses the mark should be talked with about the lack of work. A group member may need to take on their responsibilities to meet the deadline.
6. Low work quality. If a member is not completing quality work, the group leader should step in to work with the other members to revise or edit the work, but the group should communicate with the member as to what has changed and why.
Most conflict occurs when there is a lack of communication about what is expected. Providing your group members with examples of how to deliver bad or difficult news (e.g., “I am not able to meet my deadline” or “I think I need help with my tasks”) can help your members feel more comfortable when it does occur. Be sure to treat others respectfully and with kindness even if you are justifiably frustrated by your group members’ actions or inactions.

### Completing the Project

The project is complete when all the steps have been taken to submit or present it successfully, but that is not the end of the group work. You will want to also debrief on what worked and what could have been improved. Consider calling a brief meeting to review the process of completing the project or to review your graded work. Ask your group members what they felt were the group’s strengths and weaknesses. Use the debriefing to think about how to make changes to the process the next time you work in a group. Spend some time reflecting on what skills you still need to improve and how you can make the most of future group work.

### Friends & Family Matter

Michael’s group project seems to be destined to fail. The group members have been sporadic in attending meetings, communicating in the group text, and completing their work. If the project was not worth a third of their overall grade, Michael would have given up weeks ago. However, he really wants to do a good job, because he knows he needs to develop better communication skills and because his professor is part of the graduate admissions committee for physical therapy and her recommendation would be important.
The professor has communicated how she expects the groups to handle the workload and conflict. She wants them to resolve any issues that arise, and she does not want to be consulted on disputes that can be easily remedied by the group. She believes that these real-world experiences of working with others will help them develop project-planning and communication skills that are far more valuable than the grade they may earn.
The presentation and final paper are due in a week, and Michael is the only one who has kept to the agreed-upon schedule. He has heard nothing from his classmates about where they are in the process and when they will be able to hand over their parts. Unfortunately, Michael cannot finish his parts—writing the conclusion and finalizing the slides—without knowing what they found in their research. He is not sure what to do.

### Let’s Think About It

Michael has several options. Think through the consequences of each one, and choose the best option or create your own option.
1. Michael does all the work himself and tells his professor in a private message that none of his group members contributed and do not deserve a grade for the project.
2. Michael sends a message to all his group members telling them that he will be doing all the work himself as an individual project and if they want to continue as a group, they can fill in his part themselves.
3. Michael offers to help fill in parts that need to be completed, waits patiently until a few days before the assignment is due, and completes as much as he can—his parts and others’ parts—without sharing with his professor the reality of the situation.

### Let’s Talk About It

Michael has a few communication challenges: his professor wants the groups to work out any conflict and his group is not communicating with him. While Michael may be limited in his ability to affect the outcome of the group presentation, he can communicate clearly with his group members. Here are some suggestions for communicating with others about the dilemma that Michael is facing:
1. “I realize that we are all really busy, but I want to reiterate what we agreed to do. At the very least, please communicate what you have done and what you need help with, so that we all can do our parts to complete this project.”
2. “I am feeling stressed about the lack of communication, and am concerned it will keep us from working effectively. Because I am leading our group work, I am proposing that those who do not meet the deadlines for having their part completed will be replaced by someone who can get the part done.”
3. “By next Thursday, if the group members who have not completed their parts do not update or share their work, I will be filling in those parts myself so that we can submit this work on time.”
Whatever choice you would make in this situation, it is always best to communicate clearly your needs, your concerns, and even your uncertainties.

### Summary and Next Steps for College Success

Developing healthy relationships and expanding your network of support are both important tasks for you to do in college. Without these relationships, your experience may be lackluster at best and lonely and difficult at worst. The first step to creating meaningful connections is to be healthy yourself and acknowledging the importance of community. There are also some ways you can jumpstart a relationship by improving your “small talk” skills. You will develop many relationships with different people while you are in college, but one of the most important is with your professors. Be sure to find ways to connect with them in and out of class. You will also want to be mindful of connecting with classmates, peers, mentors, and advisors as they will all be important to your network for success and support. Finally, there is no better way to really get to know others than when you work with them to complete a goal or a project. While group work strikes fear in some students, it doesn’t have to be a conflict-ridden endeavor. Consider what you can do to anticipate challenges and make the process as smooth as possible.
To make the most of the relationships that you will develop or strengthen, consider what else about relationships and working with others that you would like to improve. Choose one of the following to explore further this term:
1. Create a self-care routine that you incorporate into your weekly tasks. Read, watch, or listen to articles, books, videos, and podcasts about self-awareness, self-reflection, mindfulness, and stress reduction. These resources can help you build your self-care toolkit.
2. Find ways to connect to your community through organizations, clubs, events, and volunteer opportunities. Work on developing a solid sense of belonging academically, socially, and campuswide.
3. Get to know at least one professor this term and begin to build your support network of classmates, peers, mentors, and advisors. Commit to reaching out to people to begin developing relationships.
4. Talk with your family and friends about what kinds of support you would like from them while you are in college. Be clear about your needs.
5. Create a system for managing group work that includes assigning roles, setting goals, and developing communication expectations.

### Checking In: Your College Readiness Checklist

### Spring


# Maintaining Your Mental Health and Managing Stress

## Introduction

### Student Survey

How do you feel about your overall health and well-being? These questions will help you determine how the chapter concepts relate to you right now. As we are introduced to new concepts and practices, it can be informative to reflect on how your understanding changes over time. Take this quick survey to figure it out, ranking questions on a scale of 1—4, 1 meaning “least like me” and 4 meaning “most like me.”
1. I can manage my emotions most of the time.
2. I can reduce stress when it is negatively affecting me.
3. I feel comfortable seeking out help when needed.
4. I get enough sleep.
You can also take the Chapter 7 survey anonymously online.

### About This Chapter

This chapter explores the many ways your health and well-being may be impacted by the choices you make. The goal of this material is to help you do the following:
1. Understand how your mindset influences your emotions.
2. Identify strategies to manage your moods.
3. Describe differences between stress versus anxiety and sadness versus depression.
4. Understand the mind and body connection.
5. Identify ways to maintain and enhance your emotional health.
6. Understand mental health risks and warning signs.
7. Outline steps you can take to ask for help.
8. Describe actions you can take to improve your physical health.
As a first-year college student you will make many choices without parental oversight, including the way you take care of your body and mind. Some choices put you on a path to health, and other choices can lead you down a path toward illness. There is a strong connection between success in college and your ability to stay healthy.
Health is more than a strong body that doesn’t get sick. Health also includes your overall sense of well-being (mental and emotional, for example) and healthy coping strategies to manage life stressors. Good health is about making positive choices in all of these areas and avoiding destructive choices. It’s about learning to be smart, to set boundaries, to watch out for your safety, and to take care of the one body that will carry you through life. While health and wellness are often interchanged, it is important to differentiate the two concepts. Health is a state of physical, mental, and social well-being, while wellness is a process through which people become aware of and make choices toward a healthy and fulfilling life.
In this chapter you will learn the skills you need to live a healthy lifestyle for both your mind and body. The first step is to focus on who you are and how you can create your best self. This includes how to promote self-efficacy (i.e., your belief in yourself) and create strategies that you can use to improve your resiliency (i.e., your ability to recover from challenges and adapt to change) during your transition into college. Next we will discuss the mind and body connection and how we need to consider managing both as a top priority every day.
We will address identifying your feelings and mood and build a vocabulary that helps you communicate with others. Then we will move into the topic of stress versus anxiety and how to manage both. At this point, prepared with identifying and managing your emotions with strategies you can use on your own, we will discuss when and how to seek help including the steps you must take to establish your own support system. Once you have a support system, we will then discuss the importance of managing your problems in a way that holds you accountable for your actions and behaviors yet provides a framework for others to help you effectively. We will then discuss the role of social media on your overall health and well-being and provide suggestions for creating boundaries with the use of social media. Lastly, we will help you to gain a better understanding of how to maintain physical health through good nutrition, maintaining physical activity, and sleep.


# Maintaining Your Mental Health and Managing Stress

## Creating Your Best Self

Questions to Consider:
1. What skills do you need to promote self-efficacy?
2. What strategies can you use to improve your resiliency?
You are in college to fulfill an educational, personal, or professional goal. But it is just as important to work on creating your best self in the process, as who you are and what you believe you can achieve are just as important as the piece of paper you will receive at graduation. The first step in this process is identifying your positive attributes, which will be the foundation of your self-confidence. The belief in your abilities is also known as your self-efficacy. One way to increase your self-efficacy is to identify your strengths and values. Think of strengths as characteristics about ourselves that make us feel good about who we are, things we are good at, and parts of our personalities that make us good friends or good members of our community. Values are the things that matter to us the most. Typically, we do the best we can to live by our values; however, sometimes we struggle. Identifying strengths and values is a great place to start when making big life transitions. Being clear on what you view as your strengths and the values that are important to you will help you with finding similar people to build your support network.
Let’s get started. First, consider your strengths. In , we have listed several examples of strengths. What are your strengths? What would your family say if we asked them about your strengths? What about your friends or community, would they have other examples of your strengths? Answer these questions to make a list of your own.
Next, let’s consider your values. When finding your support network, friends, new clubs or organizations to join, one way to start is to understand your values and then look for others that have similar values. Your values have been shaped largely by your family, friends and the culture you grew up in.
Many of these values may be challenged as you go through college and grow as an independent person. Understanding your current values and recognizing when they are being challenged may give you some insights into why you value what you do and what changes you may be open to. Consider the values in the table below and then list some of yours. Did you come to these through your family, your community?
Throughout life, your values will often be challenged by other individuals. Someone may challenge your political views, or your religion, or your value in family. It is best to recognize your current values and then, as they are challenged, you can have a clearer understanding of the person you want to be.
Although your journey through college is just starting, you will soon have to make critical decisions as to what courses you want to take, you may have to choose a major you want to focus on, and you will be start to look for your next step, life after college. One of the most asked questions you will face on this journey is where you see yourself in the next three to five years. Use this time to draft your vision.


# Maintaining Your Mental Health and Managing Stress

## Your Overall Well-Being

Questions to Consider:
1. How can I shift my mindset to change how I feel?
2. How can I understand my emotions?
Day-to-day, you most likely experience situations that either align with your values or go against them; you may undergo experiences that make you confident or unconfident. These situations may trigger strong emotions or lead you to react in a manner that you may later regret. During transition periods, such as the transition into college, you may be even more likely to have these experiences, particularly involving topics and people you do not know well. When these situations happen, it is best to consider your thoughts, consult available resources, and allow time to understand how to best navigate your emotions.

### Understanding Your Mindset

Let’s first talk about your mindset. Have you ever heard someone refer to “seeing the glass half full” or “seeing the glass half empty?” This is another way of saying that, given a situation that could be interpreted multiple ways, some see the positives (half full) while others see the negatives (half empty). It is natural to move in and out of these frames of mind depending on the situation, your confidence level, the amount of stress you have in your life at the time, and so on. Setbacks and mistakes will always occur, and it’s okay and appropriate to feel negatively about them. With experience and practice, you will learn how to move on from these negative feelings and adapt your attitudes in order to promote success.
Let’s consider the following example:
1. Negative reaction: “I forgot to complete an assignment and now I will fail the course because this is the second time I missed submitting my work on time.”
How does this feel? What emotions are you experiencing? What is your mood?
1. Now let’s reframe to a more positive reaction: “Yes, I will get a zero for that assignment. However, if I work hard on the final two assignments and get at least a B on my final exam, I could improve my final grade to at least a C+.”
How does this new thought feel in your body and mind? Is it different in a good way or not so good way? What emotions are you experiencing now? How has your mood changed?
Most likely you feel differently in your body and in your mind when you consider each of these responses. When the thinking is that the course is lost, you may feel disappointed, frustrated, and uncertain regarding the future. However, in the more positive reframing of the situation, the mood may shift to one of calmness and even purpose, because there is a way forward.
A key aspect of effective and positive attitudes is the awareness and ability to take responsibility for situations in which you contributed to the outcome. In the example above, the person did recognize that they were the ones who forgot to complete the assignment. Consider similar situations you’ve been in. Do you tend to put the responsibility for a missed assignment or a bad grade on yourself or your instructor? Do you tend to blame technology, unclear instructions, or too much work? While unfair situations can certainly occur, it is very important to recognize the role we play in them, and take ownership of mistakes and any extra work we need to undertake.
The ability to reconsider situations and find positive ways forward is a critical skill in navigating not only your college experience, but throughout your life, career, and relationships. To do that effectively, you will also need to identify your feelings and emotions. Examining what you are feeling will help you to more easily navigate those emotions. By understanding your emotions and how to communicate with others about how you are feeling, you will decrease the chances of behaviors that may have negative consequences.
Expanding your emotional vocabulary (see ) will allow you to be more specific in identifying the feelings you experience. Identifying your emotions will help you to find a solution or coping strategy more quickly. Using a tool such as this emotion wheel enables you to identify the emotion you may be experiencing. You may think that you are “angry”; however, after you look at the emotion wheel you may realize you are hurt or disappointed. Also, by identifying your emotions at a given time, you will be able to improve your mood and the relationship between your feelings and mood. Once you have a better understanding of the relationships between your feelings and mood, you’ll be better equipped to overcome situations in which you have low moods versus when your moods are more positive.


# Maintaining Your Mental Health and Managing Stress

## The Mind-Body Connection

Questions to Consider:
1. Are there ways I can control how I react in stressful situations?
2. Is it possible to “feel” stressed in your body?

### Controlling Emotional Reactions

As you begin to understand how feelings impact your mood, and how your mood can feel in your body, you can start to align your emotions with the physical reactions that your body experiences. Doing this will help you in knowing when you need to use coping skills to help you through stronger emotions. (Coping skills are discussed in the section on mental health.)
Below is a conversation between a student and her professor.
Have you experienced a situation when you’ve been so frustrated you wanted to scream? Would you have responded differently? Do you feel Paige was in control of her emotions? In this example, Paige’s reaction was driven by her emotions. Physically she experienced sweaty palms, a flushed face, and a trembling lip. Psychologically she was angry and hostile. Behaviorally, she was waving her paper in the air and yelling at the professor.
Paige’s reaction illustrates the various reactions you may experience with emotions including the physical, psychological, and behavioral reactions. When experiencing these reactions it is best to take a step back and not allow your emotions to take over. This situation could have been avoided if Paige took a moment to pause and collect her thoughts. Reacting quickly often results in over-reacting; so, to prevent negative consequences, a better approach is to take a breath and walk away. The same idea applies when you are not in person: Taking substantial time before sending an email or text, reacting to a social media post, or responding to a comment in a discussion forum can make a difference between a careful, constructive outcome and one that leads to even deeper problems.
As you continue this journey of managing your emotions, you will find that you experience more situations in which you feel in control of your emotions and less often experience emotion-driven behaviors and lack of control.

### Physical Responses and Well-Being

When you have felt really frustrated with a personal relationship or an upcoming test, have you ever experienced a headache, stomachache or perhaps felt extremely tired? This is your brain and body working together to let you know that they are stressed. The connection between our mind and body is powerful, and both feed off of each other to influence how we feel and function every day. The amount of sleep we get, the types of food we eat, what we do for exercise or what we don’t do, all interrelate and lead to how we can manage our emotions or not.
Developing coping skills will help you manage how you are feeling and calm your body and mind with the goal of decreasing your stress level. Taking a pause versus reacting immediately, such as going on a walk, connecting with a friend, or simply focusing on your breath during times of stress has the potential to slow down your heart rate and calm your mind.
Although coping strategies help in these stressful situations, what you do every day to prepare your body to manage these times matters just as much. You need to focus on taking care of your body and mind daily. Again, the mind-body connection is so strong that what you eat, how much activity you do, and the amount of time you sleep directly influences your ability to manage your day-to-day stressors.
Below are some simple suggestions to ensure you are making your mind and body your top priority. A more comprehensive understanding of each of these behaviors is discussed later in the chapter.
1. A healthy diet will help you to be your best self and keep your mind and body functioning properly. Balance is critical: Try to have a serving of a protein source, a carbohydrate source, and a serving of a fruit and vegetable at each meal. Typically, you will find that your body and mind need fuel every 3-4 hours during the day. Knowing this, you can plan accordingly your meals and snacks. Lastly, don’t forget to hydrate.
2. Being active for at least 60 minutes every day can be a goal for you if you find yourself spending most of your day sitting—in class, while studying, or as you complete assignments. Being physically active will help your body feel awake and make you stronger to handle stressful situations. Even simple activities such as taking a walk, finding a yoga class or online video, or even a pick-up game of basketball can maintain good physical health.
3. As important as being active is, it is equally critical to spend time sleeping. Note, that being inactive (watching TV, playing video games) is not the same to our bodies as restorative sleep. Maintaining a regular sleep routine and schedule is critical to your mind and body.