# Building Relationships

## Building Relationships in College

Questions to Consider:
1. What role will faculty play in my college experience?
2. What other kinds of relationships do I need to develop?
 provides an overview of the types of relationships you will develop in college. If you are aged 18- or 19-years old (often referred to as traditional college student age), you may look forward to expanding your relationship types beyond family and friends and authority figures to classmates (those who are in your classes), peers (those who are in college or near your age and have similar goals and activities), mentors (those who can help you develop skills or goals), and authority figures (those who direct and evaluate your work). If you are older than the traditional college student, you may also find that your circle of friends and colleagues will expand in some areas–and may even contract in others, at least while you are earning a degree.
Some people, such as professors, may fill multiple roles at different times in your college career. For example, a professor of your first-year seminar may be seen as an authority figure who dictates the learning objectives, creates assignments, and evaluates you. That same professor may become a mentor when you take them again your junior year as you are working on your major or participating in undergraduate research with them. Finally, your professor can become a friend after you graduate, especially if you have developed a bond with them that transcends the work you did together.
Because professors are an important part of the college experience, we will talk first about them and how to develop good relationships with them.

### What Professors Do

Professors are more than just teachers. This may be a surprise if you think about your experiences with high school teachers where they have their own classroom and a set of responsibilities including leading their classes that they must do between set hours each day of the week. College professors, by contrast, have much more flexibility and autonomy in their schedules, their workload, and their responsibilities outside of class. Because of these differences, you will want to view them in light of their additional roles and activities. See the table for a breakdown of common responsibilities professors have.

### Developing Relationships with Professors

Because your relationship with your professors is often the most visible and critical one to your learning and success in college, it is important that you take time to get to know your professors or at least remember their names, recognize them when you see them outside of class, and work diligently to meet their expectations. No one expects you to be best friends with them by the end of the semester, but you do want to view them differently than you may have viewed your high school teachers–as experts in their fields, partners in your learning, and mentors as you move through your degree. Here are a few ways that you can initiate and develop a relationship with your professors:
1. Get to know your professors. This means to learn their names and something about them. They may share a few personal stories or you may be able to view their resume (often called a CV or curriculum vitae), which will list their education and publications. It also means showing up early or staying after class to participate in small talk or stopping by their office hours to talk or schedule a time with them to connect virtually..
2. Demonstrate interest. You don’t have to love the course, topic, or professor to demonstrate curiosity and focus in class. Nod when you agree or understand something or smile at your professor when they make a joke. You may find that pretending to be interested at first leads to genuine interest.
3. Participate in class. One of the best ways to develop a positive relationship with your professor is to ask and answer questions in class. Engaging in a class discussion demonstrates interest in the topic and can go a long way in helping you stand out. If you don’t feel comfortable speaking up in class, schedule a meeting outside of class to discuss key ideas.
4. Ask about expectations and assignments. A great strategy that is underutilized is meeting with a professor before a test or assignment to ask about the expectations or to get clarification. In some cases, your professor may provide feedback on a draft or suggestions for studying.
5. Speak up when you stumble or fail. Contrary to some college students’ beliefs, professors want to talk to you when you fail a test or get a low grade because you misunderstood or procrastinated. Speak up when this happens even if you know well what contributed to your setback. Professors like to see that students are invested in their learning and improving.
6. Say “thank you.” If a professor gives you an extension on your paper or you just enjoyed the class, feel free to show some gratitude. Saying “Thank you for helping me conquer my math anxiety” or “I learned so much this semester” can go a long way toward building a relationship. And professors never get tired of students who are truly appreciative of their work.
As you read earlier in this section, professors have many different responsibilities in addition to teaching; however, they find joy and purpose in developing relationships with students who are engaged in their learning. While you don’t have to be on a first-name basis with all your professors by the time you graduate, you should consider identifying a few who have sparked your interest in their courses or research to get to know them better. It would be a shame to graduate and not be able to recall one professor you had!

### Managing Conflict with a Professor

Now that you know how to develop a meaningful connection with your professors, let’s address how to deal with some common issues that can arise and how to communicate clearly and professionally. While college is often portrayed as freedom, exploration, and fun, there may be a time (or multiple times) that is stressful or discouraging. These times can occur when you are not happy with an assignment, classmate, discussion topic, a response to something you did or did not do, feedback on your work, or a grade. Any time you find yourself worried, upset, or angry about an event or experience with a professor, take these steps so that you can resolve the issue quickly and positively.
Step 1. Take a deep breath and write down what happened. Do this before you speak to your professor. Both activities, breathing and writing, will help you calm down and focus. It will also help you gather your thoughts.
Step 2. Make an appointment with your professor. Don’t try to resolve the issue before, during, or after class as those are not ideal times to talk about an important issue unless it is the only availability you and the professor have. Explain why you want to meet to help the professor prepare. This is especially helpful if you have received a low grade as your professor may want to review the assignment or test beforehand.
Step 3. Explain the issue as clearly as possible. This is where the written account may help. Focus on what you experienced, heard, or read. Here is an example of a statement about a classmate’s rude behavior that a professor would want to know: “When I spoke up in class about the need for more resources for immigrants, my classmate said under his breath ‘They should just go back to where they belong. I don’t know why you care.’”
Step 4. Share how you felt about the event. It is important to acknowledge your emotions, but you don’t have to dwell on them. They will, however, provide some context as to why you feel the issue needs to be resolved. Here is an example: “I was surprised when Jarod said that when I was speaking and it made me mad that he would interrupt me with such a statement.”
Step 5. Provide a potential solution or ask for assistance resolving the issue. The phrases “Can you help me understand…?” and “Can you help me resolve this issue?” are both good ways to frame this part of the process when speaking to your professor. Be prepared to listen, take notes, and make a list of steps you can take.
A special word about resolving issues with grades, especially final grades. Your professors are human and may make mistakes as they grade and return your work. While it may be a rare occurrence, it is worth discussing what to do if this happens. Here are a few suggestions to help you resolve questions about grades.
1. Reach out as soon as you notice a grade that is lower than expected. Don’t wait until the end of the term to question a grade from months earlier.
2. If it is a grade on an assignment or test during the term, request a meeting in person or carefully ask in an email if you can get additional information about what you did or didn’t do that contributed to the grade.
3. If it is a final grade, reach out in person, by phone, or email, but be sure to follow these guidelines:

As with all your relationships in college, think about them in terms of building your network that will help you throughout college and after graduation. While you cannot avoid conflict–or bad experiences–you can manage how you respond to them and how you work with others, especially professors, to resolve issues.

### Developing Relationships with Others

In addition to developing relationships with professors, you will encounter a variety of people in different roles that are part of a fulfilling experience. Don’t overlook the opportunity to create deep, meaningful relationships with others as they will be part of your network for support during college. Here are some categories of people you will want to create intentional relationships with and what they can do to help you succeed in college.
1. Classmates. It seems obvious that you want to develop relationships with people in your classes, but many students overlook their fellow colleagues as potential friends or support networks. Classmates can help you learn the material when they serve as tutors or study buddies, and they can be an emotional support when you suffer a setback in a course.
2. Roommates. If you live on campus or away from home in off-campus housing, you may have a roommate. A roommate can also become a good friend who can make you feel more at home while you are away from your family.
3. Peers. Your peers are people who are other students who populate the college campus. You will encounter them when you join organizations, attend events, or use certain services on campus such as tutoring. Many colleges employ fellow college students on campus to manage a residential hall, serve food in the cafeteria, and hand out sports equipment at the gym. Your peers also run organizations such as clubs, professional-interest meetings, and Greek fraternities and sororities. Developing relationships with your peers can help you expand your network and create connections with people who you may find helpful when you launch your career.
4. Mentors. Many colleges provide opportunities for students to participate in mentorship programs. Your institution may have formal and informal programs that you can participate in to be mentored by a peer, a faculty or staff member, or even an alumnus in a career field that interests you. Mentors can provide you with advice and support as you work on your college and career goals.
5. Advisors. While there are many different roles on a college campus that could be included in this list, advisors deserve a special place because they are crucial to your success; they are also the first place to go when a student has an issue. Some advisors spend considerable time with students to help them choose a major and create a schedule each semester that will enable them to graduate. Others serve as a sounding board for students who are struggling in a class and deciding whether or not to drop. Developing a relationship with your advisor has obvious benefits: They get to know what your goals are and can help you refine them. They also are very knowledgeable about how to navigate the processes of completing a degree.
Developing quality relationships takes time, effort, and intentionality, but the rewards are many. Consider expanding your network each semester you are in college so that you have a rich, diverse group of people whom you know and can count on to help you reach your goals.

### Addressing Family Matters

A discussion about relationships while you are in college would not be complete without mentioning family (and even friends). For many students, the support they receive from family is key to their feelings of stability and support. However, there may be times that you experience tension or confusion with your family. Pressures arise from differences in experience or perspective, the financial aspects of college, and simply undergoing an evolution in your relationship. You may notice that your emotionally-supportive family is unable to help you navigate the college experience or give advice about what you should do. Other students may experience conflict when they choose a major or career pathway that goes against the wishes or expectations of family members. Finally, college students with children (or younger family members they care for) often feel overwhelmed when balancing their responsibilities; they may at the same time experience guilt or disappointment due to time spent away from the kids. Here are some times in which you may find that dealing with family can be difficult.
1. When you leave the family to attend college. Moving out can challenge a family if they expect or wish that you were still part of their day-to-day activities.
2. During holidays and breaks. Adapting to the schedule of the family can be challenging after your freedom to come and go (and go to bed and get up) when you want to.
3. When you experience a failure or setback. Letting your family know you failed a test or a course or didn’t get accepted in a program may concern them.
4. When you decide on a college major. Choosing a major they are not familiar with or they worry won’t lead to a specific job after college can contribute to their anxiety about your success.
5. When you decide to continue your education beyond your undergraduate degree. Deciding to take on more debt or take longer to be “done” with your education can cause worry about your future.
6. When you choose a career pathway. Choosing a career that they are not familiar with or do not approve of can cause stress in your relationship.
7. When you choose to participate in another experience rather than return home. Choosing a different experience (such as studying abroad) instead of going back home could make them feel left out of your life.
8. If you decide to stop out, drop out, or transfer.  Making a major decision that can have emotional and financial implications can upset your family if they have a firm belief in what you should do.
While it may seem obvious, it is worth stating this clearly: Your life is your life and the choices you make should be the ones you want to make. This may be difficult to do if your family is relying on you or you are relying on them for financial or emotional support. Honest conversations about what you want to do with your life and how you want to get there are always good first steps in managing any potential conflict. You may also want to keep in mind a few of these opportunities for you to help them understand your experience:
1. Keep the lines of communication open. Clear communication about what you are studying, what you like and don’t like, and how you are changing can head off surprises should you find that what you thought you wanted to study and what you thought you wanted to do with your life changes. If you experience a setback or a failure, be honest about it and demonstrate how you will get back on track.
2. Share with them some of your experiences. While you don’t have to recreate the lecture that blew your mind, you can share what you are learning or doing that is exciting you and developing your curiosity or purpose.
3. Assure them of the support you are receiving from your network. Most families worry when they are unsure of how you are making major life decisions. Let them know what resources, offices, and people are providing advice and support as you move through college. If you change your major after talking with your advisor and reviewing what you need to do to still graduate on time, let your family know!
4. Let go of your expectations. In some cases, your family may just not understand because they haven’t gone to college or they have not experienced what you have. You may just need to let go of the expectation that they will be able to provide the type of support that you want or need.
5. Create boundaries. If you feel as though your family is overstepping their role in your life decisions, set clear, firm boundaries about what help or advice you will and will not accept. Creating boundaries is part of every healthy relationship and parents and family members should be no different. If you have to decide that you cannot discuss your career plans with your family because the conversation devolves into shouting, then you must create boundaries to protect your mental health.


# Building Relationships

## Working in Groups

Questions to Consider:
1. What are the benefits of working in groups?
2. What can I do to work effectively in a group?

### Benefits of Working in Groups

When a professor assigns group work, most students initially cringe because they have had poor experiences collaborating on a project. Many of them have tales of group members who didn’t contribute equally or who disappeared altogether. It is no wonder that a popular meme includes a photo of a casket being lowered into the ground with the words “When I die, I want my group members to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time.” We can laugh at this extreme reaction, but there is some truth in feeling apprehension about being disappointed by others. This section makes the case that if you know more about how group dynamics can and should work and how to communicate effectively during the process of completing a group project, you are more likely to have a positive – or successful – experience.
Why do professors assign group projects if they are often fraught with challenges? Perhaps it is because group projects are probably the most “real world” experience you will do in college. Very rarely will you be asked to create a report, present to a client, develop a new product or treatment, or fix a problem without working with others and depending on them to do their parts in a timely and professional manner. The more practice you have developing your own skills as a group member and troubleshooting when things don’t go smoothly, the more nimble you will be when you have to collaborate in your job.
If you approach working in groups by anticipating the challenges and developing strategies to minimize their negative impact, you will be able to weather the stresses more successfully.  provides some common challenges that you may experience working in a group and reviews the strategies you can use to minimize or eliminate the challenges.

### Understanding Group Dynamics

One way to improve your work in groups is to learn more about group dynamics and stages. Bruce TuckmanTuckman, Bruce W (1965). “Developmental sequence in small groups”. Psychological Bulletin.  (1965) developed a model of group development. His initial four phases are forming, storming, norming and performing. In the forming phase, group members learn more about the task they must complete as well as getting to know each other. For the most part, members act and think individually and may be polite or quiet when trying to make decisions about what needs to be done. Group conflict arises in the storming phase when roles are assigned and a leader emerges. Some members may not voice their concerns and suffer from internal (and unexpressed) conflict while others may openly argue about what needs to be done. Groups may skip this phase altogether if communication is clear and roles are assigned to interest and strengths. The next phase is norming, or when group members work collectively to help each other achieve their goal. Members are aware of how their part fits into the whole and are mindful of supporting each other. The last phase is performing and is marked by members’ competence and confidence to complete goals.
Some groups revert to previous phases when there is unresolved conflict or when communication breaks down. The goal of group work is not to have a conflict-free experience, but to learn how to negotiate challenges, concerns, and changes during the process. When group members set common goals, create clear expectations, and communicate regularly, they are less likely to experience insurmountable obstacles.

### Setting Up Your Group for Success

### Review Assignment

If we use the Tuckman (1965) model, we can anticipate the steps for creating a successful group. First, review the assignment and ensure that everyone understands the scope of the work, especially the expectations of the final product. Take some time to discuss what the parts of the assignment are and what the expected outcome should be. Will you be writing a paper? Will you be presenting original research? Will you need special equipment, technology, or software to complete the project? Get clarity on the assignment before you get too far into the work.

### Choose Roles

Next, your group should determine roles. You may want to first determine the leader, or you may decide to share leadership between two members or choose a “second in command” should the leader not be able to fulfill the duties. Then, you will need to set roles and responsibilities for everyone else in the group. Be sure to discuss each other’s strengths, weaknesses, and interests. Different types of group projects call for different roles, so you may need to pick and choose what is appropriate for your project.  provides examples of roles and responsibilities that you may consider when assigning roles.

### Create a Communication Plan

When you have assigned roles and responsibilities, your group should create a communication plan. Because college students have different schedules and obligations, you will find that a strong communication plan can make working together easier. You may find that you need to work asynchronously, or not at the same time, and clear communication expectations will help your group both in person and online run smoothly. Here are some questions to guide your communication plan:
1. How will the group communicate primarily?
2. What will be the back-up communication strategy?
3. What will you do if a group member doesn’t respond to or acknowledge messages?
If group members do not want to share personal phone numbers, then consider using email or a shared drive folder to message each other.

### Write a Group Contract

To ensure that all members uphold their responsibilities, create a contract that lists all the expectations for the group. You can use a template or create your own based on the group members’ roles, dynamics, and assignment requirements. A group contract can be helpful in managing conflict and directing group members should someone not do their part. Here are the components you will want to consider and an example below of a contract:
1. Assignment reminders. Include a description of the goal or project and the final deadline.
2. General expectations or guiding principles. Provide a list of general expectations or principles that will guide a successful group. For example, you may determine that acting respectfully, communicating honestly, and giving full effort are important group principles.
3. Specific expectations or tasks. List expectations about communicating, delegating, meeting, completing tasks, and managing conflict.
4. Group members’ signatures. Include signatures or initials of the group members to underscore the importance of the contract.

### Managing Conflict in Groups

Conflict during group work does not have to be inevitable. With proper planning, clear roles and responsibilities, and a communication plan, your group can minimize a majority of issues that can arise. However, it is important to recognize what kinds of conflict can derail group work and review what steps you can take to get back on course. Here are a few examples of common conflicts:
1. No leader. When no leader emerges, it may be difficult to move forward. If this happens, each member may need to take a specific task and assume responsibility for that task. Group members who are not comfortable being the leader may also feel more comfortable with co-leaders.
2. Too many leaders. Many people with good ideas can derail a group project. If there are too many people vying to influence the group’s direction, ask all group members to speak openly about the conflict. The group may want to vote on who should assume the leadership positions or what direction the group should take if there are more than one good option.
3. Aggressiveness or hostility. A group member who tries to take over the project or is openly hostile during the process can make the experience miserable for everyone involved. The leader should take action immediately when the issue arises by clearly naming the behavior, avoiding emotional language, asking the reasons behind the anger, and communicating a plan to move forward with the project. This may mean assigning the member to a specific and limited role, or, in extreme situations, removing (or asking to remove) the member from the group.
4. Lack of communication. A group member who never responds to messages or who communicates inconsistently can make completing a group project very difficult. The leader should go back to the group contract and reach out to the member, preferably in writing, and describe the missing communication, the tasks that have not been completed, and what the group will be doing to move forward without the group member. Even if the group member never reads or responds to the message, the group will have evidence that they attempted to reach out.
5. Overpromising and underperforming. A group member that takes on tasks, promises to do them well and on time, and consistently misses the mark should be talked with about the lack of work. A group member may need to take on their responsibilities to meet the deadline.
6. Low work quality. If a member is not completing quality work, the group leader should step in to work with the other members to revise or edit the work, but the group should communicate with the member as to what has changed and why.
Most conflict occurs when there is a lack of communication about what is expected. Providing your group members with examples of how to deliver bad or difficult news (e.g., “I am not able to meet my deadline” or “I think I need help with my tasks”) can help your members feel more comfortable when it does occur. Be sure to treat others respectfully and with kindness even if you are justifiably frustrated by your group members’ actions or inactions.

### Completing the Project

The project is complete when all the steps have been taken to submit or present it successfully, but that is not the end of the group work. You will want to also debrief on what worked and what could have been improved. Consider calling a brief meeting to review the process of completing the project or to review your graded work. Ask your group members what they felt were the group’s strengths and weaknesses. Use the debriefing to think about how to make changes to the process the next time you work in a group. Spend some time reflecting on what skills you still need to improve and how you can make the most of future group work.

### Friends & Family Matter

Michael’s group project seems to be destined to fail. The group members have been sporadic in attending meetings, communicating in the group text, and completing their work. If the project was not worth a third of their overall grade, Michael would have given up weeks ago. However, he really wants to do a good job, because he knows he needs to develop better communication skills and because his professor is part of the graduate admissions committee for physical therapy and her recommendation would be important.
The professor has communicated how she expects the groups to handle the workload and conflict. She wants them to resolve any issues that arise, and she does not want to be consulted on disputes that can be easily remedied by the group. She believes that these real-world experiences of working with others will help them develop project-planning and communication skills that are far more valuable than the grade they may earn.
The presentation and final paper are due in a week, and Michael is the only one who has kept to the agreed-upon schedule. He has heard nothing from his classmates about where they are in the process and when they will be able to hand over their parts. Unfortunately, Michael cannot finish his parts—writing the conclusion and finalizing the slides—without knowing what they found in their research. He is not sure what to do.

### Let’s Think About It

Michael has several options. Think through the consequences of each one, and choose the best option or create your own option.
1. Michael does all the work himself and tells his professor in a private message that none of his group members contributed and do not deserve a grade for the project.
2. Michael sends a message to all his group members telling them that he will be doing all the work himself as an individual project and if they want to continue as a group, they can fill in his part themselves.
3. Michael offers to help fill in parts that need to be completed, waits patiently until a few days before the assignment is due, and completes as much as he can—his parts and others’ parts—without sharing with his professor the reality of the situation.

### Let’s Talk About It

Michael has a few communication challenges: his professor wants the groups to work out any conflict and his group is not communicating with him. While Michael may be limited in his ability to affect the outcome of the group presentation, he can communicate clearly with his group members. Here are some suggestions for communicating with others about the dilemma that Michael is facing:
1. “I realize that we are all really busy, but I want to reiterate what we agreed to do. At the very least, please communicate what you have done and what you need help with, so that we all can do our parts to complete this project.”
2. “I am feeling stressed about the lack of communication, and am concerned it will keep us from working effectively. Because I am leading our group work, I am proposing that those who do not meet the deadlines for having their part completed will be replaced by someone who can get the part done.”
3. “By next Thursday, if the group members who have not completed their parts do not update or share their work, I will be filling in those parts myself so that we can submit this work on time.”
Whatever choice you would make in this situation, it is always best to communicate clearly your needs, your concerns, and even your uncertainties.

### Summary and Next Steps for College Success

Developing healthy relationships and expanding your network of support are both important tasks for you to do in college. Without these relationships, your experience may be lackluster at best and lonely and difficult at worst. The first step to creating meaningful connections is to be healthy yourself and acknowledging the importance of community. There are also some ways you can jumpstart a relationship by improving your “small talk” skills. You will develop many relationships with different people while you are in college, but one of the most important is with your professors. Be sure to find ways to connect with them in and out of class. You will also want to be mindful of connecting with classmates, peers, mentors, and advisors as they will all be important to your network for success and support. Finally, there is no better way to really get to know others than when you work with them to complete a goal or a project. While group work strikes fear in some students, it doesn’t have to be a conflict-ridden endeavor. Consider what you can do to anticipate challenges and make the process as smooth as possible.
To make the most of the relationships that you will develop or strengthen, consider what else about relationships and working with others that you would like to improve. Choose one of the following to explore further this term:
1. Create a self-care routine that you incorporate into your weekly tasks. Read, watch, or listen to articles, books, videos, and podcasts about self-awareness, self-reflection, mindfulness, and stress reduction. These resources can help you build your self-care toolkit.
2. Find ways to connect to your community through organizations, clubs, events, and volunteer opportunities. Work on developing a solid sense of belonging academically, socially, and campuswide.
3. Get to know at least one professor this term and begin to build your support network of classmates, peers, mentors, and advisors. Commit to reaching out to people to begin developing relationships.
4. Talk with your family and friends about what kinds of support you would like from them while you are in college. Be clear about your needs.
5. Create a system for managing group work that includes assigning roles, setting goals, and developing communication expectations.

### Checking In: Your College Readiness Checklist

### Spring


# Maintaining Your Mental Health and Managing Stress

## Introduction

### Student Survey

How do you feel about your overall health and well-being? These questions will help you determine how the chapter concepts relate to you right now. As we are introduced to new concepts and practices, it can be informative to reflect on how your understanding changes over time. Take this quick survey to figure it out, ranking questions on a scale of 1—4, 1 meaning “least like me” and 4 meaning “most like me.”
1. I can manage my emotions most of the time.
2. I can reduce stress when it is negatively affecting me.
3. I feel comfortable seeking out help when needed.
4. I get enough sleep.
You can also take the Chapter 7 survey anonymously online.

### About This Chapter

This chapter explores the many ways your health and well-being may be impacted by the choices you make. The goal of this material is to help you do the following:
1. Understand how your mindset influences your emotions.
2. Identify strategies to manage your moods.
3. Describe differences between stress versus anxiety and sadness versus depression.
4. Understand the mind and body connection.
5. Identify ways to maintain and enhance your emotional health.
6. Understand mental health risks and warning signs.
7. Outline steps you can take to ask for help.
8. Describe actions you can take to improve your physical health.
As a first-year college student you will make many choices without parental oversight, including the way you take care of your body and mind. Some choices put you on a path to health, and other choices can lead you down a path toward illness. There is a strong connection between success in college and your ability to stay healthy.
Health is more than a strong body that doesn’t get sick. Health also includes your overall sense of well-being (mental and emotional, for example) and healthy coping strategies to manage life stressors. Good health is about making positive choices in all of these areas and avoiding destructive choices. It’s about learning to be smart, to set boundaries, to watch out for your safety, and to take care of the one body that will carry you through life. While health and wellness are often interchanged, it is important to differentiate the two concepts. Health is a state of physical, mental, and social well-being, while wellness is a process through which people become aware of and make choices toward a healthy and fulfilling life.
In this chapter you will learn the skills you need to live a healthy lifestyle for both your mind and body. The first step is to focus on who you are and how you can create your best self. This includes how to promote self-efficacy (i.e., your belief in yourself) and create strategies that you can use to improve your resiliency (i.e., your ability to recover from challenges and adapt to change) during your transition into college. Next we will discuss the mind and body connection and how we need to consider managing both as a top priority every day.
We will address identifying your feelings and mood and build a vocabulary that helps you communicate with others. Then we will move into the topic of stress versus anxiety and how to manage both. At this point, prepared with identifying and managing your emotions with strategies you can use on your own, we will discuss when and how to seek help including the steps you must take to establish your own support system. Once you have a support system, we will then discuss the importance of managing your problems in a way that holds you accountable for your actions and behaviors yet provides a framework for others to help you effectively. We will then discuss the role of social media on your overall health and well-being and provide suggestions for creating boundaries with the use of social media. Lastly, we will help you to gain a better understanding of how to maintain physical health through good nutrition, maintaining physical activity, and sleep.


# Maintaining Your Mental Health and Managing Stress

## Creating Your Best Self

Questions to Consider:
1. What skills do you need to promote self-efficacy?
2. What strategies can you use to improve your resiliency?
You are in college to fulfill an educational, personal, or professional goal. But it is just as important to work on creating your best self in the process, as who you are and what you believe you can achieve are just as important as the piece of paper you will receive at graduation. The first step in this process is identifying your positive attributes, which will be the foundation of your self-confidence. The belief in your abilities is also known as your self-efficacy. One way to increase your self-efficacy is to identify your strengths and values. Think of strengths as characteristics about ourselves that make us feel good about who we are, things we are good at, and parts of our personalities that make us good friends or good members of our community. Values are the things that matter to us the most. Typically, we do the best we can to live by our values; however, sometimes we struggle. Identifying strengths and values is a great place to start when making big life transitions. Being clear on what you view as your strengths and the values that are important to you will help you with finding similar people to build your support network.
Let’s get started. First, consider your strengths. In , we have listed several examples of strengths. What are your strengths? What would your family say if we asked them about your strengths? What about your friends or community, would they have other examples of your strengths? Answer these questions to make a list of your own.
Next, let’s consider your values. When finding your support network, friends, new clubs or organizations to join, one way to start is to understand your values and then look for others that have similar values. Your values have been shaped largely by your family, friends and the culture you grew up in.
Many of these values may be challenged as you go through college and grow as an independent person. Understanding your current values and recognizing when they are being challenged may give you some insights into why you value what you do and what changes you may be open to. Consider the values in the table below and then list some of yours. Did you come to these through your family, your community?
Throughout life, your values will often be challenged by other individuals. Someone may challenge your political views, or your religion, or your value in family. It is best to recognize your current values and then, as they are challenged, you can have a clearer understanding of the person you want to be.
Although your journey through college is just starting, you will soon have to make critical decisions as to what courses you want to take, you may have to choose a major you want to focus on, and you will be start to look for your next step, life after college. One of the most asked questions you will face on this journey is where you see yourself in the next three to five years. Use this time to draft your vision.


# Maintaining Your Mental Health and Managing Stress

## Your Overall Well-Being

Questions to Consider:
1. How can I shift my mindset to change how I feel?
2. How can I understand my emotions?
Day-to-day, you most likely experience situations that either align with your values or go against them; you may undergo experiences that make you confident or unconfident. These situations may trigger strong emotions or lead you to react in a manner that you may later regret. During transition periods, such as the transition into college, you may be even more likely to have these experiences, particularly involving topics and people you do not know well. When these situations happen, it is best to consider your thoughts, consult available resources, and allow time to understand how to best navigate your emotions.

### Understanding Your Mindset

Let’s first talk about your mindset. Have you ever heard someone refer to “seeing the glass half full” or “seeing the glass half empty?” This is another way of saying that, given a situation that could be interpreted multiple ways, some see the positives (half full) while others see the negatives (half empty). It is natural to move in and out of these frames of mind depending on the situation, your confidence level, the amount of stress you have in your life at the time, and so on. Setbacks and mistakes will always occur, and it’s okay and appropriate to feel negatively about them. With experience and practice, you will learn how to move on from these negative feelings and adapt your attitudes in order to promote success.
Let’s consider the following example:
1. Negative reaction: “I forgot to complete an assignment and now I will fail the course because this is the second time I missed submitting my work on time.”
How does this feel? What emotions are you experiencing? What is your mood?
1. Now let’s reframe to a more positive reaction: “Yes, I will get a zero for that assignment. However, if I work hard on the final two assignments and get at least a B on my final exam, I could improve my final grade to at least a C+.”
How does this new thought feel in your body and mind? Is it different in a good way or not so good way? What emotions are you experiencing now? How has your mood changed?
Most likely you feel differently in your body and in your mind when you consider each of these responses. When the thinking is that the course is lost, you may feel disappointed, frustrated, and uncertain regarding the future. However, in the more positive reframing of the situation, the mood may shift to one of calmness and even purpose, because there is a way forward.
A key aspect of effective and positive attitudes is the awareness and ability to take responsibility for situations in which you contributed to the outcome. In the example above, the person did recognize that they were the ones who forgot to complete the assignment. Consider similar situations you’ve been in. Do you tend to put the responsibility for a missed assignment or a bad grade on yourself or your instructor? Do you tend to blame technology, unclear instructions, or too much work? While unfair situations can certainly occur, it is very important to recognize the role we play in them, and take ownership of mistakes and any extra work we need to undertake.
The ability to reconsider situations and find positive ways forward is a critical skill in navigating not only your college experience, but throughout your life, career, and relationships. To do that effectively, you will also need to identify your feelings and emotions. Examining what you are feeling will help you to more easily navigate those emotions. By understanding your emotions and how to communicate with others about how you are feeling, you will decrease the chances of behaviors that may have negative consequences.
Expanding your emotional vocabulary (see ) will allow you to be more specific in identifying the feelings you experience. Identifying your emotions will help you to find a solution or coping strategy more quickly. Using a tool such as this emotion wheel enables you to identify the emotion you may be experiencing. You may think that you are “angry”; however, after you look at the emotion wheel you may realize you are hurt or disappointed. Also, by identifying your emotions at a given time, you will be able to improve your mood and the relationship between your feelings and mood. Once you have a better understanding of the relationships between your feelings and mood, you’ll be better equipped to overcome situations in which you have low moods versus when your moods are more positive.


# Maintaining Your Mental Health and Managing Stress

## The Mind-Body Connection

Questions to Consider:
1. Are there ways I can control how I react in stressful situations?
2. Is it possible to “feel” stressed in your body?

### Controlling Emotional Reactions

As you begin to understand how feelings impact your mood, and how your mood can feel in your body, you can start to align your emotions with the physical reactions that your body experiences. Doing this will help you in knowing when you need to use coping skills to help you through stronger emotions. (Coping skills are discussed in the section on mental health.)
Below is a conversation between a student and her professor.
Have you experienced a situation when you’ve been so frustrated you wanted to scream? Would you have responded differently? Do you feel Paige was in control of her emotions? In this example, Paige’s reaction was driven by her emotions. Physically she experienced sweaty palms, a flushed face, and a trembling lip. Psychologically she was angry and hostile. Behaviorally, she was waving her paper in the air and yelling at the professor.
Paige’s reaction illustrates the various reactions you may experience with emotions including the physical, psychological, and behavioral reactions. When experiencing these reactions it is best to take a step back and not allow your emotions to take over. This situation could have been avoided if Paige took a moment to pause and collect her thoughts. Reacting quickly often results in over-reacting; so, to prevent negative consequences, a better approach is to take a breath and walk away. The same idea applies when you are not in person: Taking substantial time before sending an email or text, reacting to a social media post, or responding to a comment in a discussion forum can make a difference between a careful, constructive outcome and one that leads to even deeper problems.
As you continue this journey of managing your emotions, you will find that you experience more situations in which you feel in control of your emotions and less often experience emotion-driven behaviors and lack of control.

### Physical Responses and Well-Being

When you have felt really frustrated with a personal relationship or an upcoming test, have you ever experienced a headache, stomachache or perhaps felt extremely tired? This is your brain and body working together to let you know that they are stressed. The connection between our mind and body is powerful, and both feed off of each other to influence how we feel and function every day. The amount of sleep we get, the types of food we eat, what we do for exercise or what we don’t do, all interrelate and lead to how we can manage our emotions or not.
Developing coping skills will help you manage how you are feeling and calm your body and mind with the goal of decreasing your stress level. Taking a pause versus reacting immediately, such as going on a walk, connecting with a friend, or simply focusing on your breath during times of stress has the potential to slow down your heart rate and calm your mind.
Although coping strategies help in these stressful situations, what you do every day to prepare your body to manage these times matters just as much. You need to focus on taking care of your body and mind daily. Again, the mind-body connection is so strong that what you eat, how much activity you do, and the amount of time you sleep directly influences your ability to manage your day-to-day stressors.
Below are some simple suggestions to ensure you are making your mind and body your top priority. A more comprehensive understanding of each of these behaviors is discussed later in the chapter.
1. A healthy diet will help you to be your best self and keep your mind and body functioning properly. Balance is critical: Try to have a serving of a protein source, a carbohydrate source, and a serving of a fruit and vegetable at each meal. Typically, you will find that your body and mind need fuel every 3-4 hours during the day. Knowing this, you can plan accordingly your meals and snacks. Lastly, don’t forget to hydrate.
2. Being active for at least 60 minutes every day can be a goal for you if you find yourself spending most of your day sitting—in class, while studying, or as you complete assignments. Being physically active will help your body feel awake and make you stronger to handle stressful situations. Even simple activities such as taking a walk, finding a yoga class or online video, or even a pick-up game of basketball can maintain good physical health.
3. As important as being active is, it is equally critical to spend time sleeping. Note, that being inactive (watching TV, playing video games) is not the same to our bodies as restorative sleep. Maintaining a regular sleep routine and schedule is critical to your mind and body.


# Maintaining Your Mental Health and Managing Stress

## Mental Health Basics

Question to consider:
1. What are some of the ways to tell if you are holding onto stress?
2. How do mindfulness and gratitude encourage emotional health?

### What Is Mental Health?

Mental health “includes emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, act, make choices, and relate to others. Mental health is more than the absence of a mental illness—it’s essential to your overall health and quality of life.”National Institute of Mental Health. “Caring for your mental health.” https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/caring-for-your-mental-health According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), a mental illness is a condition that affects a person’s thinking, feeling, or mood. The condition may affect a person’s ability to relate to others and function throughout the day. A recent survey of over 350,000 college students from almost 400 campuses across the U.S. found that more than 60% of students met criteria for one or more mental health illness diagnosis (i.e., depression, anxiety, eating disorder, suicide ideation).Lipson SK J of Affective Disorders 2022 v306 page138-147 Although mental health illness worsened among all students, health disparities were found among racially and ethnically minoritized (i.e., Asian, Black, Latinx, American Indian/Alaskan Native, Arab American) students.
A mental health condition isn’t the result of one event; it is most often the result of multiple overlapping causes. Environment, lifestyle, and genetic predisposition can all be factors in whether someone develops a mental health condition. Traumatic life events or stressful experiences may make some people more susceptible, and brain biochemistry may play a role as well. Exposure to harmful social media also plays a role and impacts your anxiety levels, self-perception, and other aspects of mental health. Mental health conditions show up in many ways. Anxiety, depression, and eating disorders are some of the most common.

### Depression

Most people feel sad at times. This is a normal reaction to loss or struggles we face. Being sad is not the same as having depression. When intense sadness lasts for several days or even weeks, and you are no longer interested in activities you once enjoyed, it may be depression. Depression can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems and can decrease a person’s ability to function at work and at home.
Depression occurs when something in our brain stops functioning correctly. This dysfunction prevents you from taking care of yourself, interferes with your relationships, and may lead to you missing school or work. Depression does not have a single cause. It can follow a life crisis or physical illness, but it can also occur spontaneously. Several factors including trauma, a significant life change, brain injury, and drug and alcohol misuse may contribute to depression. Regardless of how or why it occurs, depression is a treatable medical condition, and the ability to identify what it is and how to treat it is important.
Because depression is a medical illness, it needs to be treated by a health professional. If you are experiencing symptoms of depression, reach out to your doctor or call your local mental health resources on campus. During this situation, having a friend or family member to call and talk to is the fastest way to get the help you need. Building a network of support for yourself is critical.

### Suicidal Behavior

Suicide is when people direct violence at themselves with the intent to end their lives, and they die because of their actions.National Institute of Mental Health, “Frequently asked questions about suicide.” https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/suicide-faq/index.shtml People who contemplate suicide often experience a deep feeling of hopelessness. They often feel they can’t cope with challenging life events and are not able to see solutions to problems. At the moment, they are unable to see that the challenges are really only temporary. Most survivors of suicide attempts go on to live wonderful, full lives.
Help is available all day, every day, for anyone who might be in crisis. By offering immediate counseling to everyone that may need it, crisis centers provide invaluable support at the most critical times. If you or someone you know has warning signs of suicide, get help as soon as possible. Family and friends are often the first to recognize any warning signs and can help you to take the first step in finding treatment.
If someone is telling you that they are going to kill themselves, do not leave them alone, and call the suicide hotline at 988. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. A Crisis Text Line is also available 24/7 by texting HOME to 741741, 85258, or 686868.
Depression is a key risk factor for suicide, along with substance abuse, chronic debilitating pain, mental health disorders, and a family history of suicide.
These are some of the warning signs to help you determine if a friend or loved one is at risk for suicide, especially if the behavior is new, has increased, or seems related to a painful event:
1. talking about wanting to die or to kill themselves
2. looking for a way to kill themselves, like searching online or buying a gun
3. talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live
4. talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain
5. talking about being a burden to others
6. increasing the use of alcohol or drugs
7. acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly
8. sleeping too little or too much
9. withdrawing or isolating themselves
10. showing rage or talking about seeking revenge
11. extreme mood swingsU.S. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. “We can all prevent suicide.” https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/how-we-can-all-prevent-suicide/

### Eating Disorders

Eating disorders are not uncommon among students. Stress or anxiety may create a desire for some students to overeat, while others may develop a concern about body shape or weight and significantly reduce their food intake. The table below provides three common eating disorders.
Eating disorders can lead to many complications, some of them very serious, like heart conditions and kidney failure. It is crucial for anyone with an eating disorder to stabilize their health, then continue medical care and counseling to reach full recovery. Eating disorders can be treated successfully with medical care, psychotherapy, counseling, or coaching. It is important to seek treatment if you suspect there is an issue. Treatment can address any underlying psychological issues. If you think you might have an eating disorder, visit a doctor or your campus health center. The National Eating Disorders Association also offers information, help, and support.

### Anxiety Disorders

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental health concern in the United States, and while there are many types of anxiety disorders, they all have one thing in common: “persistent, excessive fear or worry in situations that are not threatening.”National Institute of Mental Health. “Anxiety Disorders.”, https://www.nami.org/NAMI/media/NAMI-Media/Images/FactSheets/Anxiety-Disorders-FS.pdf Physically, your heart may race, and you may experience shortness of breath, nausea, or intense fatigue. Talk with a mental health care professional if you experience a level of anxiety that keeps you from your regular daily activities.

### Identifying Anxiety

Experiencing stress is both normal and healthy to build both your self-efficacy and resilience. We typically experience different types of stressors throughout the day. Although stress doesn’t always feel good for us to experience and is often unpleasant when it is happening, it is typically for a short amount of time. Think about the last time you were stressed: taking an important final exam, having to present your work in front of classmates, introducing yourself to others at a new club you joined. These situations are typically very short and centered around a particular event. You may experience sweaty palms, a fast heartbeat, a headache or stomachache, but these feelings usually go away after the situation. To learn more about what stress does to your body, visit the American Psychological Association's page on stress.
On the other hand, when you are experiencing anxiety, your body and mind are trying to communicate to you that you need to seek help and may need medical treatment. Anxiety will feel similar to a stressful situation, as described above, but the feeling doesn’t go away. Using an example from above, you have to present your work in front of your classmates today and you feel very nauseous, your heart is pounding so hard in your chest you feel dizzy and have to sit down. You don’t think you can walk the 10 minutes to class and decide to just skip class and stay home. This may be anxiety. Anxiety is different than stress as it sometimes prevents you from doing your daily activities. Anxiety may affect your ability to concentrate, increase your risk for heart disease, can weaken your immune system, disrupt your sleep, and can cause fatigue, and depression.The University of Maryland Medical Center UMMC, https://www.umms.org/ummc The table above contrasts the differences between stress and anxiety so that you can better determine what you are experiencing over time. When you feel any of the symptoms listed above, ask yourself “Is this stress or anxiety?”

### Additional Resources

Because entering college is such a big transition, it is important to know what health services are available on your campus. Some help may be beyond the scope of a college counseling program, and if this is the case, your college health center can refer you to off-campus resources to support you.
Regardless of where you attend college, OK2TALK and NAMI offer online, text, and phone support.
1. OK2TALK is a community for young adults struggling with mental health problems. It offers a safe place to talk.
2. Call the NAMI helpline at 800-950-6264, or txt NAMI to 741741.
Your brain requires a constant supply of energy to function. What you eat and are exposed to have a direct impact on its processes, your mood, and your ability to make good decisions. A majority of college students feel anxious, lonely, or depressed at some point during the year. We all have bad days, and sometimes bad days string into weeks. It’s okay to feel bad. What’s important is to acknowledge and work through your feelings, and find a friend or a counselor to talk to.

### Developing Coping Strategies

Everyone experiences stress during their lives. It is part of the human experience, and despite how healthy and well-adjusted you are, stress is inevitable. What makes a difference is how you deal with it. One of the most important things you can do is to keep perspective on your stressors. When feeling stressed, ask yourself, on a scale of 1 to 100, how stressful a situation is this? Will I even remember this three years from now? When facing potential stressors, the way you interpret what you’re experiencing can intensify your stress or minimize it.
There are many ways to manage stress. Take a look at some of the suggestions below that can be added to your own “toolkit” for coping with stress. As you read through the descriptions, think about the following questions:
1. Which ones have you tried? You may already have one or more that work really well for you.
2. Which ones do you want to try? If you have not tried any or many, consider focusing on adding one to your strategies for coping with stress.
3. Which ones would be best in certain situations? It’s helpful to have different tools for different situations—for example, a calming yoga pose in your dorm room and deep breathing in the classroom.

### Mindfulness

Mindfulness means being present with your thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment. Mindfulness is also without judgment—meaning there is no right or wrong way to think or feel in a given moment. When we practice mindfulness, our thoughts tune into what we’re sensing in the present moment rather than rehashing the past or imagining the future.Moran, Joan; University of California at Los Angeles. “Pause, reflect and give thanks.” http://newsroom.ucla.edu/stories/gratitude-249167
Anything that keeps you present in the moment and gives your prefrontal cortex (the reasoning and thinking part of your brain) a break is practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness can be a slow walk; looking intently at the grass, trees, flowers, or buildings; and being aware of what you are sensing and feeling. Mindfulness can be sitting quietly—even sitting still in a quiet place for as little as a few minutes can reduce heart rate and blood pressure.
Developing a practice of mindfulness is easier than you may think:
1. Slow down. From brushing your teeth, to washing your face, to shampooing your hair—can you take the speed out of getting ready in the morning? Focus on the activity, pay attention to what you are doing, stay present (this means don’t think about what happened last night or what’s in store for the day, just stay focused on the activity), and take your time.
2. Focus on your breath. How fast are you breathing? Is your breath coming from your chest or your belly? Can you feel the air come through your nose on the inhale? Can you slow down the exhale? Can you feel your body relax when you slow the exhale?
3. Connect to your environment. Walk for a few minutes, focused on the world around you—look at the leaves on the trees or the light at the corner, listen to the sounds around you, stay with your surroundings, and observe what you see and hear around you.

### Deep Breathing

When people hear mindfulness they often think of meditation. While meditation is one method of mindfulness, there are many others that may be simpler and easier for you to practice. Deep breathing helps lower stress and reduce anxiety, and it is simple yet very powerful. A daily mindful breathing practice has been shown to reduce test anxiety in college students.Levitin, Time Special Edition 2018, The New Mindfulness A 2-4-6-8 breathing pattern is a very useful tool that can be used to help bring a sense of calm and to help mild to moderate anxiety. It takes almost no time, requires no equipment, and can be done anywhere:
1. Start by quickly exhaling any air in your lungs (to the count of 2).
2. Breathing in through your nose, inhale to the count of 4.
3. Hold your breath for a count of 6.
4. Slowly exhale through your mouth to the count of 8.
This is one round. Do not repeat the quick exhale again. Instead start round two with an inhale through your nose to the count of 4, hold for 6, and exhale to 8. Repeat for three more rounds to relax your body and mind.
With practice, 2-4-6-8 breathing will become a useful tool for times when you experience tension or stress.

### Meditation

Dan Harris, a news reporter at ABC, suffered a major panic attack on national television. Following this challenging period in his life, he learned to meditate and found that it made him calmer and more resilient. He’s now on a mission to make meditation approachable to everyone. Dan used to be a skeptic about meditation but now says that if he learned to meditate, anyone can learn to meditate! Dan reminds us that we are going to get lost, and our mind is going to stray, and that’s okay. Simply notice when you’re lost and start over. Every time your mind strays and you start over, it is like a bicep curl for your brain. Start with 3 minutes of meditation, and slowly work your way up to 15 or 20. To hear more about Dan’s journey, watch this video, and for a simple meditation to get started, you can try one of the videos on the meditation Youtube channel. There are also some great meditation apps including Insight Timer, CALM, and Headspace.

### Gratitude

Too often people think it is the external factors that bring us joy and happiness, when really it’s all related to internal work. According to UCLA’s Mindfulness Awareness Research Center, “Having an attitude of gratitude changes the molecular structure of the brain, and makes us healthier and happier. When you feel happiness, the central nervous system is affected. You are more peaceful, less reactive and less resistant.”2016 Study Journal of PLoS One, https://journals.plos.org/plosmedicine/article?id=10.1371/journal.pmed.1000316
Numerous studies show that people who count their blessings tend to be happier and less depressed. In a UC Berkeley study, researchers recruited 300 people who were experiencing emotional or mental health challenges and randomly divided them into three groups. All three groups received counseling services. The first group also wrote a letter of gratitude every week for three weeks. The second group wrote about their thoughts and feelings with negative experiences. The third group received only counseling. The people in the group who wrote gratitude letters reported significantly better mental health for up to 12 weeks after the writing exercise ended.
This would suggest that a healthy emotional self-care practice is to take note of good experiences or when you see something that makes you smile. Think about why the experience feels so good. According to Rick Hanson, author of Resilient, “Each day is strewn with little jewels. The idea is to see them and pick them up. When you notice something positive, stay with the feeling for 30 seconds. Feel the emotions in your whole body. Maybe your heart feels lighter or you’re smiling. The more you can deepen and lengthen positive experiences the longer those positivity neurons in your brain are firing—and the longer they fire the stronger the underlying neural networks become. Repeat that process a half dozen times a day and you’ll feel stronger, more stable and calmer within a few weeks.”Hanson, R. (2020). Resilient. Harmony

### Asking for Help

If you find that you are stuck in a low mood and are more often feeling down, hopeless, a burden to others and simply don’t find many things bring you joy, you may need help from a professional. As just discussed, there may be situations when you may want advice or support and need to reach out to others. Having your own support system is key. In this section you will build the foundation of your support system.
You may have a teacher, guidance couselor, a friend's big brother/sister, or your own sibling who has helped you through difficult situations. Once in college, some of them may be harder to reach. Consider who you know now and start the process of building a bigger system.
Reaching out and making a few good friends in this new environment will be a great start in this process. This may be easier said than done; however, it is a great skill to develop when in college as you are around so many people. You will also share at least one or two values or strengths with these individuals at your school which is a great conversation starter. Other people that may be in your support system could be family members, professors or counselors at school, or even a sports coach or leader of a community group you participate in.
Examples of situations in which you may need to ask for help are endless. You may have low motivation to complete assignments or attend class, be unable to concentrate during lectures, feel helpless with simple tasks, miss family or friends, or just feel unhappy with being in college. All of these situations could be related to a lack of sleep, poor eating habits, the negative effects of sustained stress, or symptoms of depression you may be experiencing. If you find that you are failing class or are in danger of being dropped because of attendance issues, or just can’t seem to be motivated to leave your dorm room, use your support system.  provides a flowchart for dealing with common situations you may experience in college by providing prompts for determining when you can make changes on your own and when you may need to seek help.
If you found yourself in one of these situations and needed support today, who would you call and why? If they weren’t available, who is the next person on your list? Having a plan and a group of people you can reach out to is a game changer for when you are stuck in a situation and need help in moving forward.
Sometimes, seeking help and starting the conversation with someone can feel intimidating and even stressful. Consider these examples to help you begin:
1. “I feel very alone today. Can we talk?”
2. “I think I am going to fail my class. I could really use some help coming up with a plan.”
3. “I said some things that I shouldn’t have to my close friend and don’t know what to do about it. What would you do if you were me?”
4. “You are so good at working in groups and I just hate it. It makes me feel so uncomfortable. Could you tell me how you do it?”
5. “I have to get up in front of my class to present on a research topic and I am very nervous. What can I do to feel less stressed about this?”
Having a list of a few people that you can call or stop to chat with will make these situations easier to manage and help you feel like you are not in it alone. When you do reach out, consider how you feel, what your mood is like, if you have a handle on your emotions. You should be able to express yourself in the situation but have space to receive help. Remember it is best to go for a walk to cool off or take a few moments by pausing to gather your thoughts. This is a great time to pull in your support system to help you work through these feelings and emotions. With your support system you will be able to have a clearer picture of the problem and discover some steps to take to overcome the situation.


# Maintaining Your Mental Health and Managing Stress

## The Role of Social Media on Mental Health

Questions to Consider:
1. Why do I use social media?
2. How can I balance positive and negative social media use?
3. How can I identify and improve problematic social media use?
4. What should I do if I experience cyberbullying?
Some people refer to the time we are living in as the age of overload. It’s easy to get worn down by social media and the constant news cycle, and to be overwhelmed by too many choices that social media affords us. We live in a fast-paced, always-on world with a lot of pressures.
Social media offers many benefits, from staying connected to your loved ones and friends, learning about events in your community, and providing you with the ability to get information quickly. Unfortunately, these benefits are compounded with many risks (see ).Haddad JM Curr Psychiatry Rep. 2021; 23(11): 70. Among college students, social media has also been associated with negative effects on self-esteem and self-image. Overuse of social media has been found to increase symptoms of anxiety, loneliness, and depression.

### Uncovering Your Relationship with Social Media

By better understanding your relationship with social media, you will be more successful in finding the right balance and occasions for using it. The best way to get started is to just become aware of your relationship with social media and how it may or may not impact your own mental health.
Upon reflection from the activity above, where is your relationship with social media? To consider the relationship another way, think about the questions in the table below? Which more accurately describes your most frequent feelings when using social media?

### Impact on Your Focus and Attention

When asked how social media use impacts a student’s ability to study, two out of three undergraduate college students indicated they were more drawn to social media than their school work.Kolhar M Saudi Journal of Biological Sciences 2021; 28(4):2216 Although the answer may be as simple as social media is more fun, the deeper issue may be related to how your use of social media has trained your brain to prefer to take in information in short doses. Social media rewards a distracted, shorter attention span, which may reward giving our brain quick doses of dopamine. (Dopamine is a chemical in your brain related to feelings of pleasure or satisfaction.) Similarly, when your phone beeps, buzzes, or vibrates with new posts waiting for you, your brain receives a dose of dopamine.
Distractions from social media have also been linked to our desire to be connected and be available for people in our networks.Koessmeier C Frontiers in Psychology 2021. “Why are we distracted by social media?” https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.711416/full Similar studies have shown that the fear of missing out (FoMO) leads to significant social media-driven distractions.
The first step of gaining control over these distractions is by eliminating them. As you know, you can easily turn on/off your phone (watch, computer, etc.) notifications. Consider switching away from social media during your relaxing time and pick up a book or magazine, an old school puzzle, or journaling on paper. Another way to improve your concentration is to focus on one task at a time. Put away your phone for 30-90 minutes, jot down three tasks you need to complete, and check one off at a time. The more you use these strategies, the faster you will regain your focus and attention.

### Impact on Relationships

Problematic social media use has been well documented among individuals who experience social anxiety and loneliness.O’Day EB Computers in Human Behavior Reports 2021 For these individuals, social media is often used as a form of connection when in-person relationships are lacking. As mentioned above, for individuals who actively use social media as a way to directly communicate with others, social media use can provide social support and connection. Alternatively, those who use social media more passively, such as only to view other’s lives, have more negative outcomes that can include depression and anxiety. Are you active in your engagement or passive?
If you feel your engagement is only passive, consider this as a red flag, and start by setting boundaries on your social media use as discussed above. To prevent social media from impacting your relationships, consider using social media more actively by reaching out to those in your network to plan in-person meet ups. Also, if you find yourself frequently comparing yourself to what you see on others’ social media, remember that people’s digital life might not be reflective of reality. If you find such comparisons damaging your self-esteem and relationship with yourself, reach out to your support network and open the conversation.

### Need for Validation

Consider this scenario: Josh just finished finals week and posted on social media, “I guess I will start packing up my room. I know I just failed my chemistry final. My parents are going to threaten not to pay for next semester.” An hour later, Josh is back in his dorm room and checks his account. No comments. No likes. No “hug” or “care” emoji.
How did you feel when you read this situation? Did it trigger you to cringe and feel bad for Josh? Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation? How did you feel then?
When you first started using social media you may have simply posted a picture or update in order to keep your friends and family connected with your life. At some point in time, you likely started to expect likes and comments. Eventually, if you don’t get the same level of likes and comments you have become accustomed to, you may start to think your connections are not interested in you.
According to research, the lack of response is often interpreted as “no one cares since no one took the time to respond.” This line of thinking can lead to self-doubt, insecurity, and anxiety.McLean Hospital. “The social dilemma: Social media and your mental health.” https://www.mcleanhospital.org/essential/it-or-not-social-medias-affecting-your-mental-health Seeking validation – either positive or negative -- via social media is moving your relationship with social media into problem territory. If you reach that point, you should pause and reflect on the meaning of this behavior. One of the immediate steps you can take to disrupt this unhealthy cycle is to pause before you post.

### Problematic Social Media Use

In 2021, the average internet user spent nearly two and a half hours per day on social media.Kemp S. “Reels Grew by 220M and other mindblowing stats.” Hootsuite blog, 2022. https://blog.hootsuite.com/simon-kemp-social-media/ That translates to over 37 days per year, and over the average lifetime, more than seven years of time. Let that sink in. Since we spend so much time on social media, dedicating such a massive portion of our lives to it, it’s even more important we spend that time well. As stated above, there are definitely positives associated with engaging in social media, especially if you use it to learn more, broaden your social network, and enhance your life by letting it lead you to new offline experiences. However, there are times when social media use, or overuse, can be problematic and unhealthy.
Factors that lead to an individual having problematic social media use include the following:
1. poor self-regulation,
2. lack of control of time spent on social media,
3. social media as a mood regulator,
4. history of obsessive thinking,
5. social media impacting your social and/or professional life, and
6. if social media use is altered to negate these negative factors yet the individual relapses.Stanculescu E. Telematics and Informatics. 2022. “Social media addiction profiles and their antecedents.” https://dl.acm.org/doi/abs/10.1016/j.tele.2022.101879
As a student, problematic social media use could mean that your attendance in class declines or you fail to complete assignments, which leads to lower academic achievement. You may find watching videos and viewing posts more satisfying than learning. You may regularly become distracted while participating in activities that require your full attention, such as driving.Sun Y. Addictive Behaviors. 2021. “A review of theories and models applied in studies of social media addiction and implications for future research” Further, problematic social media use refers to using social media platforms for reasons that are illegal, unethical, or socially unacceptable behaviors such as stalking, bullying, or spreading misinformation.
As previously described, evaluating your relationship with social media is the first place to start. In a recent intervention to decrease problematic social media use, students were asked to log their daily use of social media for one week.Hou Y. Journal of Psychosocial Research on Cyberspace. 2019. “Social media addiction: its impact, mediation, and intervention.” They logged the length of their time on social media, as well as how they were using it and their thoughts and emotions. After one week, students significantly reduced their level of problematic social media use and improved their mental health and academic efficiency.

### Cyberbullying

The relationship between mental health issues and bullying is well documented. The relationship between mental health and bullying in the digital space, known as cyberbullying, is a newer problem and unfortunately provides a platform for bullies to say things behind the screen that most likely would never be said in person. Compared to traditional bullying, cyberbullying isn’t easily reduced by supervision, has the potential for larger audiences, is often anonymous, and has fewer opportunities for someone to provide direct feedback in order to put a stop to the activity.Sticca F. Journal of Youth and Adolescence. 2013. “Longitudinal risk factors for cyberbullying in adolescence.”
For individuals experiencing cyberbullying, it is much harder to avoid attacks and/or escape as the bullying can take place any time of the day. Cyberbullying has a larger audience due to how well connected social media is throughout the community, state, country, and world. Posts and conversations on social media have limitless reach which often puts the victim in a situation with very little control. Once information is in the virtual world, the text becomes very hard to remove and can “go viral” where it becomes so popular you can find it on any search platform.
Cyberbullying via social media can affect people of all ages, and it puts individuals in a difficult situation in which they cannot adequately defend themselves. The roles of each person involved in cyberbullying is consistently in a state of transition as people switch roles from being the victim, to the perpetrator, or the bystander as social media features (i.e., like, share) are utilized. In a recent study of US college students, 1 out of 2 students report being a victim of cyberbullying, while 1 out of 4 students report being a perpetrator at least one time per month.Giumetti GW. Aggressive Behavior 2022;48:40. “Predictors and outcomes of cyberbullying among college students: A two-wave study.” https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/ab.21992
Prevention strategies to decrease frequency of cyberbullying events are limited; however, research addressing victimization has noted the most effective strategy is to engage your social support network. Together you and a supportive person in your life can discuss the situation and make a plan to avoid further cyberbullying. Eliminating your social media platform where the attacks are occurring is not the only solution. Social media companies are aware that their users may experience these negative events and have put systems into place to report when users engage in such attacks. These companies have also enabled features to block or modify account privacy to prevent situations in the future. The table below provides common examples of cyberbullying and their explanations.