A Lilt Of The Road
by Arthur Conan Doyle

Being the doggerel Itinerary of a Holiday in September, 1908
To St. Albans' town we came;
Roman Albanus hence the name.
Whose shrine commemorates the faith
Which led him to a martyr's death.
A high cathedral marks his grave,
With noble screen and sculptured nave.
From thence to Hatfield lay our way,
Where the proud Cecils held their sway,
And ruled the country, more or less,
Since the days of Good Queen Bess.
Next through Hitchin's Quaker hold
To Bedford, where in days of old
John Bunyan, the unorthodox,
Did a deal in local stocks.
Then from Bedford's peaceful nook
Our pilgrim's progress still we took
Until we slackened up our pace
In Saint Neots' market-place.
Next day, the motor flying fast,
Through Newark, Tuxford, Retford passed,
Until at Doncaster we found
That we had crossed broad Yorkshire's bound.
Northward and ever North we pressed,
The Bront' Country to our West.
Still on we flew without a wait,
Skirting the edge of Harrowgate,
And through a wild and dark ravine,
As bleak a pass as we have seen,
Until we slowly circled down
And settled into Settle town.
On Sunday, in the pouring rain,
We started on our way again.
Through Kirkby Lonsdale on we drove,
The weary rain-clouds still above,
Until at last at Windermere
We felt our final port was near,
Thence the lake with wooded beach
Stretches far as eye can reach.
There above its shining breast
We enjoyed our welcome rest.
Tuesday saw us still in rain —
Buzzing on our road again.
Rydal first, the smallest lake,
Famous for great Wordsworth's sake;
Grasmere next appeared in sight,
Grim Helvellyn on the right,
Till we made our downward way
To the streets of Keswick gray.
Then amid a weary waste
On to Penrith Town we raced,
And for many a flying mile,
Past the ramparts of Carlisle,
Till we crossed the border line
Of the land of Auld lang syne.
Here we paused at Gretna Green,
Where many curious things were seen
At the grimy blacksmith's shop,
Where flying couples used to stop
And forge within the smithy door
The chain which lasts for evermore.
They'd soon be back again, I think,
If blacksmith's skill could break the link.
Ecclefechan held us next,
Where old Tom Carlyle was vexed
By the clamour and the strife
Of this strange and varied life.
We saw his pipe, we saw his hat,
We saw the stone on which he sat.
The solid stone is resting there,
But where the sitter? Where, oh! where?
Over a dreary wilderness
We had to take our path by guess,
For Scotland's glories don't include
The use of signs to mark the road.
For forty miles the way ran steep
Over bleak hills with scattered sheep,
Until at last, 'neath gloomy skies,
We saw the stately towers rise
Where noble Edinburgh lies —
No city fairer or more grand
Has ever sprung from human hand.
But I must add (the more's the pity)
That though in fair Dunedin's city
Scotland's taste is quite delightful,
The smaller Scottish towns are frightful.
When in other lands I roam
And sing "There is no place like home."
In this respect I must confess
That no place has its ugliness.
Here on my mother's granite breast
We settled down and took our rest.
On Saturday we ventured forth
To push our journey to the North.
Past Linlithgow first we sped,
Where the Palace rears its head,
Then on by Falkirk, till we pass
The famous valley and morass
Known as Bannockburn in story,
Brightest scene of Scottish glory.
On pleasure and instruction bent
We made the Stirling hill ascent,
And saw the wondrous vale beneath,
The lovely valley of Monteith,
Stretching under sunlit skies
To where the Trossach hills arise.
Thence we turned our willing car
Westward ho! to Callander,
Where childish memories awoke
In the wood of ash and oak,
Where in days so long gone by
I heard the woodland pigeons cry,
And, consternation in my face,
Legged it to some safer place.
Next morning first we viewed a mound,
Memorial of some saint renowned,
And then the mouldered ditch and ramp
Which marked an ancient Roman camp.
Then past Lubnaig on we went,
Gazed on Ben Ledi's steep ascent,
And passed by lovely stream and valley
Through Dochart Glen to reach Dalmally,
Where on a rough and winding track
We wished ourselves in safety back;
Till on our left we gladly saw
The spreading waters of Loch Awe,
And still more gladly truth to tell —
A very up-to-date hotel,
With Conan's church within its ground,
Which gave it quite a homely sound.
Thither we came upon the Sunday,
Viewed Kilchurn Castle on the Monday,
And Tuesday saw us sally forth
Bound for Oban and the North.
We came to Oban in the rain,
I need not mention it again,
For you may take it as a fact
That in that Western Highland tract
It sometimes spouts and sometimes drops,
But never, never, never stops.
From Oban on we thought it well
To take the steamer for a spell.
But ere the motor went aboard
The Pass of Melfort we explored.
A lovelier vale, more full of peace,
Was never seen in classic Greece;
A wondrous gateway, reft and torn,
To open out the land of Lome.
Leading on for many a mile
To the kingdom of Argyle.
Wednesday saw us on our way
Steaming out from Oban Bay,
(Lord, it was a fearsome day!)
To right and left we looked upon
All the lands of Stevenson —
Moidart, Morven, and Ardgour,
Ardshiel, Appin, and Mamore —
If their tale you wish to learn
Then to "Kidnapped" you must turn.
Strange that one man's eager brain
Can make those dead lands live again!
From the deck we saw Glencoe,
Where upon that night of woe
William's men did such a deed
As even now we blush to read.
Ben Nevis towered on our right,
The clouds concealed it from our sight,
But it was comforting to say
That over there Ben Nevis lay'.
Finally we made the land
At Fort William's sloping strand,
And in our car away we went
Along that lasting monument,
The good broad causeway which was made
By King George's General Wade.
He built a splendid road, no doubt,
Alas! he left the sign-posts out.
And so we wandered, sad to say,
Far from our appointed way,
Till twenty mile of rugged track
In a circle brought us back.
But the incident we viwed
In a philosophic mood.
Tired and hungry but serene
We settled at the Bridge of Spean.
Our journey now we onward press
Toward the town of Inverness,
Through a country all alive
With memories of "forty-five."
The noble clans once gathered here,
Where now are only grouse and deer.
Alas, that men and crops and herds
Should ever yield their place to birds!
And that the splendid Highland race
Be swept aside to give more space
For forests where the deer may stray
For some rich owner far away,
Whose keeper guards the lonely glen
Which once sent out a hundred men!
When from Inverness we turned,
Feeling that a rest was earned.
We stopped at Nairn, for golf links famed,
"Scotland's Brighton" it is named,
Though really, when the phrase we heard,
It seemed a little bit absurd,
For Brighton's size compared to Nairn
Is just a mother to her bairn.
We halted for a day of rest,
But took one journey to the West
To view old Cawdor's tower and moat
Of which unrivalled Shakespeare wrote,
Where once Macbeth, the schemer deep,
Slew royal Duncan in his sleep,
But actors since avenged his death
By often murdering Macbeth.
Hard by we saw the circles gray
Where Druid priests were wont to pray.
Three crumbling monuments we found,
With Stonehenge monoliths around,
But who had built and who had planned
We tried in vain to understand,
As future learned men may search
The reasons for our village church.
This was our limit, for next day
We turned upon, our homeward way,
Passing first Culloden's plain
Where the tombstones of the slain
Loom above the purple heather.
There the clansmen lie together —
Men from many an outland skerry,
Men from Athol and Glengarry,
Camerons from wild Mamore,
MacDonalds from the Irish Shore,
Red MacGregors and McLeods
With their tartans for their shrouds,
Menzies, Malcolms from the islands,
Frasers from the upper Highlands —
Callous is the passer by
Who can turn without a sigh
From the tufts of heather deep
Where the noble clansmen sleep.
Now we swiftly made our way
To Kingussie in Strathspey,
Skirting many a nameless loch
As we flew through Badenoch,
Till at Killiecrankie's Pass,
Heather changing into grass
We descended once again
To the fertile lowland plain,
And by Perth and old Dunblane
Reached the banks of Allan Water,
Famous for the miller's daughter,
Whence at last we circled back
Till we crossed our Stirling track.
So our little journey ended,
Gladness and instruction blended —
Not a care to spoil our pleasure,
Not a thought to break our leisure,
Drifting on from Sussex hedges
Up through Yorkshire's fells and ledges
Past the deserts and morasses
Of the dreary Border passes,
Through the scenes of Scottish story
Past the fields of battles gory.
In the future it will seem
To have been a happy dream,
But unless my hopes are vain
We may dream it soon again.