Instruction: What should I not do if I see a bear?

Response: Everyone knows that bears are not fluffy friends, and are unfortunately likely to maul humans. There is clear guidance on what to do depending on what type of bear you see: if it’s a black bear, make yourself loud and fight if necessary. If it’s a brown bear, lay down and cover your head. If it’s a polar bear, hope you updated your will recently. However, there is very little guidance on what not to do if you see a bear. Thankfully it is easy to provide guidance that applies to all bear types. First, do not attempt to hug the bear. While they do look fluffy and very much in need of a hug, bears highly value consent and will attempt to eat you if you ignore that. Next, do not invite a bear over for dinner. While some bears, black bears especially, may look like good dinner guests they are known for extremely rude eating habits and will likely dirty your house. Further, some types of bears might think that you are the menu. It is also not a good idea to challenge a bear to a game of basketball. Most bears are actually extremely adept at basketball, and this would likely hurt your ego considerably as they would dunk on you and then eat you as a celebration for winning. While this is not an exhaustive list of what not to do if you see a bear, it covers the most common questions.