ok .
no pero pobrecito he's only forty five .
Tommy xxx .
no .
Tommy says que he's xxx
he's Danny's age .
that's what I told Tommy .
I go 
+" Tommy what do you want xxx ?
I turn around .
+" you're forgetting that that's Danny's age .
Bonnie likes los viejos .
what do you want her to do ?
oh my god but he's not un viejo .
well Tommy's thirty one I mean .
I guess considerably for him .
I don't know .
ten years between a man and a woman is not a big deal right .
It's
look at her .
she's making faces .
to me apparently
I've I've always been partial to older men .
older older el viejo we're calling him el viejo .
ah !
.
xxx that's a problem .
oh no that's not legal .
that's a problem .
that's a problem .
no that's not legal .
that's not legal .
although I have skated the twenty one mark before .
you have skated dangerously close to there .
but that's fun .
that's fun .
I am proud to admit .
but that's fun .
Chaquita will realize that when she's
well if she stays with her boyfriend she won't realize anything .
Chaquita wait .
wait (un)til you get older .
when she gets thirty and she gets that young twenty twenty one
with any with any luck she will .
yeah .
: !
it's always good to go back in time .
I haven't had a young one dammit .
Marco !
I've had the older one .
older ones are good .
oh my god .
xxx .
ahí pasó algo .
pick it up !
what happened ?
it's glass !
.
it doesn't matter who did it .
I don't care !
I don't care !
cuidado xxx .
get here !
be careful with your socks and your feet !
here !
with your socks that didn't make sense .
here !
be careful .
get a bag .
and clean it up !
esté descalzado .
cuidado .
no no but it has to be descalzado .
tú quedas aquí abajo .
what's his name ?
Alonso ?
he doesn't care .
he keeps talking .
he's oblivious to
cuidado con los vidrios !
that little boy is so adorable now .
I love his little bowl haircut .
isn't he cute ?
he is so cute .
he's yeah he's he's like
he's good looking .
like indio but like really good looking yeah yeah .
yeah yeah yeah .
yeah yeah he's gonna be a cutie .
hopefully he'll be taller than his dad .
that's not nice Lili .
xxx play nice .
making fun .
bueno mi viejo está he's very happy .
xxx .
and he tells me yesterday .
he goes 
xxx .
+" óyeme la capitana threw me under the bus .
why ?
and I go 
+" what do you mean ?
and then he goes 
+" yeah we're all having lunch .
+" and in front of everybody me saltó 
+" oh I heard that you were seeing Bonnie Romero .
no how did they find out ?
I don't know how .
el chisme .
el chisme runs wild .
el chisme ?
I don't know how she found out .
I told you .
I told you .
what are you doing ?
can I ask what you're doing with the bags ?
xxx .
and like xxx .
xxx .
she understands it .
I don't understand what's the problem .
oh you understand ok .
welcome welcome to the world .
welcome .
welcome to the world .
welcome to the madness .
you thought your mom was bad .
this is a whole (a)nother level .
no Tosca knows how to do this too .
qué pasó ?
yeah yeah lo jodieron .
it's ok mama .
what else is new .
no .
xxx I don't think that that's a big barrier .
cógele agua .
lo que quieran tomar .
coge cuatro .
coge cuatro juguitos esos de los Capri_Sun .
y llévalos para arriba .
y dile que no joda más .
ah it was a two for one special .
pero what happened ?
oh was a two for one .
you guys just ate it down the stairs ?
good job .
this one didn't have a picture in it ?
ok .
don't worry about it .
dale .
sigue .
ten cuidado con los pies .
I'm telling you guys right now .
it's nine fifteen .
you better settle down .
turn the T_V on .
do something quiet .
he's so cute .
and when is he and when are they coming back for him ?
I have no idea .
pobrecito .
I don't really care .
imagínate .
he's only been here
honestly as long as
oh I was talking to Chaquita .
she ignores me .
she that little boy has only been here for a month .
que I was saying que pobrecito he's only been here for a month .
so
a month .
yeah .
a month .
a month .
who who are you talking about ?
no I was talking about that little boy .
no we're talking about that little boy .
oh I'm like who ?
he came February second from Cuba .
that little boy pobrecito .
so he came to like make little friends .
yeah they just landed here .
and already he's learned to play Wii .
they just landed .
and they're they've been playing for an hour .
yeah Marco turns on the Wii .
and I go 
+" I don't think he knows how to play that .
and Marco goes 
+" of course he does .
and I'm like 
xxx .
yeah Marco goes 
+" I taught him !
+" I taught him !
+" I taught him .
and you see the little kid 
+" : !
although I'll tell you Marco's Spanish is not that great .
but that's good (be)cause
he really let it go .
but I that's that's normal .
but then on the other hand Tosca's Spanish is much better .
she's also ambidextrous which is interesting .
qué tú quieres bajar ?
and then that's also the same thing that I think influences um she has a little bit of dyslexia .
I want to go down .
I want to go down .
oh no .
and I think it's all related .
that's what I think .
do you really think that it's dyslexia ?
I mean she's still in the learning phase .
she's still in the learning stage .
yeah but
I still I mean reverse numbers .
no but like you tell her twenty and she'll put zero two .
mm .
yeah .
and and there's words and stuff that
and she's also fascinated with things that go backwards and forwards .
like she'll take a a piece of paper .
she'll do her homework .
and then she'll flip it over on the backside .
and then everything that the way that it's runs through she'll recopy it all backwards on the other side .
she does it backwards .
oh let me see your xxx ?
ah they're from last summer .
they're all xxx .
they're from Bakers ?
yes .
I think they came out again because I saw them .
.
no !
yeah I saw them .
I need them !
I saw them .
and I was like 
+" .
+" wood shoes for summer .
+" I love (th)em .
oh my god !
bring them up .
yes .
what are they called ?
no they're
I don't know what they're called .
I'll show them to you right now .
oh my god right now I need them !
see I saw them .
I saw
I was just talking
right now I need them !
right now .
you know what they would go great with ?
look because look how rat tattered they are .
oh yes they need help .
they would go great with the white dress que mi hija me regaló .
oh my god .
but you know what the problem
(be)cause I think white with
you know what the main problem with the shoes is ?
they're too high ?
no .
no what ?
they're extraordinarily comfortable .
but ?
first of all .
and second of all they go with
oh so that's a problem ?
they go with my Coach bag .
oh I thought you said
oh I thought you said were gonna say they go with everything everything .
they go with everything .
they do though because that color's very universal .
they do go with everything .
but they most importantly I have a coach bag that matches .
but don't you think ?
I just saw it .
I saw it .
I can't get rid of the shoes .
but they have it they have it again I'm telling you .
I just saw it .
but I have to get them .
don't you think it'll go pretty with that white dress ?
I think with white it'll look gorgeous .
oh my god for sure .
oh my god for sure .
it's very summery .
I can't get into the whole white shoe thing .
white shoe well I have the white shoes from Nine_West .
well though that's really
and that's the only ones I have .
yeah but that's an exception .
those are the only ones I have .
but other than that really white shoes are for viejas .
ay me has dicho vieja .
no but not those !
how dare you .
no but not those !
no those are very fansy_shmansy .
.
those are spectacular .
those are beyond fansy_shmansy .
well anyways so mi viejo calls me today
bueno so entonces he says and the capitana
he tells me that la capitana threw him under the bus .
xxx .
but I can't believe that .
+, in front of everybody .
and he played it off .
whatever I mean things are very sensitive right now at work .
yeah that's super uncool for her to do that in front of everybody too .
(..) uncool on ten different levels .
yeah .
so
(be)cause even if it was it was kidding around or xxx
and that's what I told him .
I said 
+" why would she do that ?
that's completely tacky .
very tacky .
but whatever .
you know what are you gonna do .
so I go 
+" well you know we'll keep it quiet .
and what did he do ?
he freaked the fuck out .
he freaked out .
he played it off .
he neither confirmed confirmed nor denied .
and he just you know
he had a special box xxx .
he left it like that like 
+" oh well where did you get that from ?
and left it at that .
now
oh my god .
the you know so I I I talked to him about it .
but he's so funny because a couple of people have told me that they see him más más embulladito .
like remember this is
like just in general ?
yeah .
this is a very quiet
hold on .
Lili you wanna go outside ?
this is a very quiet guy .
oh no .
you know ?
hold on Marta's calling .
dime .
no no ellos están jugando arriba .
pero cuando quieras vení .
oye he tried the asparagus .
he tried the spinach .
he ate cucumbers .
pobrecito .
pobrecito yeah he did .
he wanted to try everything .
that's good .
lo que he did not like ranch .
está peleado con the ranch dressing de mala forma .
he doesn't want to have anything to do with the ranch dressing .
I wonder why .
he calls it la pasta esa .
no he didn't !
that's what he did call it .
he goes 
+" la pasta esa .
+" yo no quiero saber nada de la pasta de esa .
ay how funny .
he calls it la pasta esa .
and he will eat the vegetables with out it .
but the ranch dressing ni pa(ra) xxx ni pa(ra) xxx .
xxx the ranch is the most
and to me the ranch is the best thing .
+, the taste the most pleasing .
bueno dale ok bye .
how funny .
yeah but remember .
he called it la pasta .
but remember they're not
a mí no me gusta la pasta !
a mí no me gusta la pasta !
but remember [=! laughs]
oh there's a new one .
we're supposed to watch it .
oh I haven't seen it .
pero remember he's not accustomed to anything that has seasonings or anything like that .
anything that's out of the norm .
yeah .
because flavors all of that is completely foreign to him .
yeah completely foreign .
I told you .
did you see that his father goes 
+" oh what what is that ?
asparagus .
he's never seen asparagus before in his life .
yeah he goes 
+" asparagus ?
he goes 
+" oh esa es espinaca ?
I'm like 
oh no those are two different animals .
and he goes 
I mean asparagus is a very distinct looking thing .
ay pero pobrecito .
you didn't hear what he said ?
you didn't hear what
he goes 
what ?
+" esa xxx [=! whispers] .
pobrecito .
I felt bad for it that he said that .
.
at least he recognizes that it's true .
xxx .
awful .
the important thing is is that I think that they all came con los patines puestos .
I don't know if you noticed .
yeah .
the only thing I feel bad because it's the second person already that has put me in that position .
I feel really bad because the other day Antonio calls me .
+" oye tú que estás en eso .
+" eh what what can I do ?
que I have un pariente that came from Cuba .
+" and he was a doctor .
and I go to Antonio .
I don't know !
and no I'm gonna tell Antonio 
+" listen .
+" that's very cute .
+" he can take that diploma and shove it up his butt .
.
xxx .
because here it's worthless [=! laughs] .
here it's worth nothing .
and Antonio goes 
+" oh my god are you serious ?
I go 
+" yeah Antonio .
I go 
+" listen .
+" I'm licensed in the state of Florida .
you have to start over .
Florida .
I'm not licensed anywhere else .
if you move to another state you have to start
if I go to California
yeah .
+, I either have to take the test or hope that my scores are valid enough for that .
take the test .
yeah take the test .
so I'm not even talking about the country .
I'm talking about the frikkin(g) state .
the state .
come on .
no you're right .
like I was like and then Antonio se quedaba así .
he goes 
+" oh my god because what do you think in in the field of medical assistant ?
I go 
+" I'll tell you right now .
+" look a medical assistant makes the minimum wage .
+" they work like a dog .
+" and everybody that came from Cuba is a medical assistant .
+" and they all think that they're doctors .
and not to be mean or nothing but it's an over eh como se dice like um
está explotado .
it's yes it's an overpopulated field .
it's really
I don't know like .
and I feel really bad .
(be)cause Marta's asking me .
and I'm like 
+" er
+" bueno Marta er yeah .
or you know .
but I mean the way I see it is
I mean it's good that they have that that motivation .
if that's what he wants to start with and continue more power to you .
more power to him .
but the
more power to you .
and I told him .
I go 
+" the biggest problem you're gonna have is your English .
+" forget anything else .
+" the knowledge is there obviously .
but did you notice how he's already uttering words ?
that's good though .
I thought that was uh I'm I'm very impressed .
yeah no no no that's very good .
that's why I told him .
I said 
+" you know right off the bat I could tell that you're the kind of people that are gonna be successful wherever you go .
you're not
right .
because
yeah and he's asking he even asked me to like
so
they are xxx .
cómo
they are very like 
+" what do I have to do ?
right .
no he was even asking Marta like 
what do I have to do ?
where do I have to go ?
+" cómo se dice ?
sign me up ?
yeah .
yeah .
así que tiene interés .
xxx .
they have they have interest .
and not just some of them .
but all of (th)em .
like you could tell that .
xxx .
and you could tell also that he's a modern man .
like 
+" oh where's your wife ?
+" oh no she's over there
yeah .
+, signing up for English classes .
oh yeah that's great .
who do you know that comes here a month later and signs up for English classes ?
nobody .
for god sakes xxx .
not even young people .
yeah .
that she's been here since she's was twelve eight years later she has nothing to show for it whatsoever except a baby .
yeah .
oh whoopdedoo you know how to lay flat on your back .
yeah you know how to open your legs .
how about that .
good .
how about that .
that's her special talent .
that's her talent .
how about that .
that's her special talent .
dammit I didn't know that was a special talent .
(be)cause if I woulda thought that was a special talent I woulda kept on doing it .
America's most talented .
I don't know .
apparently that's a special talent .
well anyways so I told him so a couple of people from work have mentioned que 
+" oh he's very he's very happy happy and this and that .
Lili I don't know if I can xxx .
embullado .
xxx .
and the change in his personality and .
oh my god Lili we both can't walk over there to open the thing .
oh no she wants to go out .
ok I think we both have to walk over there .
oh no .
what do we do ?
oh no I don't know .
we both have to part we both have to walk .
and we should just leave it open I think .
yeah .
ok but
yell to Chaquita .
and see if she can open it .
Chaquita !
she can't hear me .
open !
open the door for the dog (..) please .
open the door a little bit !
Chaquita !
just open it así así .
just crack it .
just like that .
because I'm not
just like that .
so she can go in and out .
oh there she goes .
ya las ha
just like that .
that's perfect .
thank you .
because now we're trapped .
look xxx .
and now and mire la xxx was just to stick her head just to have the door open .
sí sí sí just to
and that's all it was about .
oh because she wants to see what's going on .
so ok so xxx says 
+" oh está muy embullado .
+" he's a little bit friendlier .
yeah !
+" está de xxx .
everybody's noticed that he's happier that he's more conversational .
why because was he's a little bit
very quiet .
but he was a little bit like serious before .
very serious .
very serious like intimidating serious .
: .
like one of my coworkers is still very like wow .
but then when he stays quiet and he looks at me I wanna like go under the table .
: I don't know what's going on .
: I wanna hide .
I wanna hide .
I'm scared .
and then um and J_d makes fun of Carlos .
+" Carlos le tiene miedo .
+" Carlos le tiene miedo .
+" míralo .
+" míralo .
+" míralo .
+" .
oh my god .
and J_d imitates Carlos .
it's hilarious .
well but to a certain degree I mean he has to kind of have that presence because of his position .
oh my god .
in his position and
I mean he can be
not just his position but let's let's talk .
+, part of a group .
he's a writer for god's sakes .
what do you mean he's a writer ?
he's written two books already .
published ?
apparently not !
oh !
but like books about what like ?
but apparently
like like novel or
like I think like novels .
really ?
I didn't know that shit .
I I have not had the luxury of reading them .
I would like to .
so would I !
just to see .
he plays three instruments .
I think you told me that .
what are they ?
drums bass and guitar .
very interesting .
now I didn't factor in factor in twenty six years of law enforcement with rank at that .
all the percussion percussion xxx .
hello I mean the guy has a hell of a resume .
yeah yeah .
yeah he has
right .
and now and now you you know and now you add the forty five years .
yeah .
you know .
and he pretty much he looks at people that way very
and ?
and
he's like Donald's xxx .
+" and you are ?
+" and you are ?
+" and you're here to see ?
+" right .
and you're lucky if he might even speak to you .
oh my god .
speaking of that you know the other day Tommy and I well we didn't get into a fight or anything but he pretty much told me that I have to change my ways because I'm so harsh and that I don't xxx .
uh oh .
oh we visited this before .
yeah but
and I I almost started crying and everything .
because I was like 
.
+" but I don't understand .
+" how can you say that ?
I don't even realize that I'm doing that .
I think I'm much harsher than you are though .
but he says that I'm harsh .
and I thought 
+" but I don't realize that I'm doing it .
but when are you harsh ?
and I even told him 
+" give me an example so I can cut it out .
+" I mean I don't know .
uh huh .
+" but you don't even realize that you're doing it .
+" and you don't realize the power of your eyes .
you know what you have to do ?
and I look at him .
that's what it is !
and I go 
it's the facial expressions .
+" the power
you know when I was in the academy xxx
and I go to him 
+" the power of my eyes !
and he goes 
+" you could sit there and say 
+" hi how are you ?
+" but your eyes are saying I don't know what .
your eyes are saying something else .
well I will tell you what .
and I'm like 
+" but I don't I mean I know when I make faces .
when I was in the academy I used to get in trouble for that .
for making faces .
for making faces .
because it didn't matter if I had learned to shut up .
right and you were smiling yeah .
(be)cause my face said it all .
yeah .
I would sit there and go
right .
well that's xxx
and then the instructor would go 
+" Miss xxx do you have a problem ?
and I'd have to go
you know ?
+" xxx no I didn't say anything .
and it didn't matter what I was saying .
because my face was saying something else .
well that's what
well xxx you don't realize .
so anyways go back to the you he tends to look at people like that .
and he does the same thing .
he has this he has this poker face .
I don't think that's a
is that a bad thing ?
I don't know .
he has this poker face all the time .
but he's definitely mastered the art of of being quiet and observing .
well I think and I've I mean I I do this because obviously I think Tommy is much more quiet and observant .
and I think people like that are
I don't wanna say that they're smarter or more
I think they're a better judge of character .
it's a talent .
it's a talent .
it's enviable .
it's um
I want to learn .
we can't .
we're too social .
we can .
you know what it is ?
but it's not in our nature .
but we can .
but um do you want to ?
sometimes .
it's something that I think I wanna I wanna do it .
+ <I like I like to be I like to be Madam Butterfly .
remember that ?
xxx .
no [=! laughs] .
xxx remember [=! laughs] ?
oh Madam_butterfly .
xxx Madam_butterfly ?
I wanna do it .
I want to
when and and you know what though ?
I think that in my job I have to center myself more than in your job .
well yeah even though the other day I told the patient something .
and I was like
as soon as I said it boy I was like not didn't do good .
said it .
you were like 
+" ah ah .
but you know what ?
hey .
I said it .
what do you want me to tell you .
.
oh no no .
what was it ?
well it wasn't anything bad .
like now xxx .
ay xxx .
with the los viejitos .
I told you that right ?
: .
so there's
you know we've been getting a lot of viejitos .
whatever cool .
pero hay una vieja que es xxx .
pobrecita you know she's alone .
and you know how it is .
so every time that she goes for therapy she'll ask you a thousand and one questions .
pobrecita .
that's her social hour .
that's her social hour .
pero .
you know if you had one patient .
but you have ten fifteen patients going at a time .
pobrecita .
I don't have the ti(me) .
and no matter how much I really want to sit there and answer her questions and not be rude I can't sit there and answer especially when they're just redundant questions .
reminds me of something .
go ahead .
when they're just 
+" oh my god is she really asking me this ?
so she starts 
+" no porque cuando voy voy a ver el médico otra vez .
we've already told you this mind you .
I forgot her name .
fulanita esa te dijo que in four weeks .
+" pero yo no entiendo .
+" y si yo me siento mal yo no lo puedo ver antes de las cuatro semanas .
oh my god .
bueno of course .
+" but do you feel bad ?
+" are you having an emergency ?
+" what's going on ?
but they can't stand the limitations .
right .
+" no no no no no pero imagínate .
+" porque yo no me siento mejor .
+" you've come for three sessions .
.
+" I don't know what to tell you .
I told her that
you're not supposed to feel good at this point .
yeah I told her 
+" tú has venido a tres xxx imagínate .
+" eso no es magia .
+" quisiera yo que fuera magia pero no es así .
+" que yo lo que quiero es ver
whatever .
she starts giving this whole thing .
resultados .
she wants to see the progress .
yeah yeah .
no and then she tells me 
and they did x_rays .
+" y los las placas ya están .
you know how they normally give you like the sheet which the guy the doctor actually has to interpret and say 
+" we found a fracture .
+" we found this or whatever .
I go 
+" no eso se demora una semana .
+" porque yo quiero ese papel .
so look I go 
+" for your
I mean she can get it .
it's her personal records .
and I go 
+" ok for your records .
+" no because I have a a friend whose a doctor in Cuba .
+" aquí no es nada .
+" pero es un doctor en Cuba .
and he's gonna tell me what I have to do .
and he wants to look at them .
xxx .
.
because that just riles me up .
like there is no
why does that even bother me though ?
it bothers me .
it bothers me .
so of course I I did the whole
and I go 
+" ok .
+" y qué lo que ese médico te está diciendo ?
+" ese hombre que te está diciendo .
+" no porque él piensa que me tengo que operar .
I go 
+" ok the doctor that saw you here is a board certified orthopedic in the state of Florida not in Cuba .
+" here .
in Cuba !
+" here .
+" and he didn't tell you that .
+" I don't understand .
+" is it that you want to be operated ?
+" I mean is that
probably .
yeah .
I no I asked her .
I go 
+" es que lo que tú quieres es operarte .
+" sí .
+" yo de verdad que pienso que es la única forma .
I go 
+" bueno imagínate .
+" yo creo que entonces está
and you would think that's a last resort .
that that's something that somebody would wanna avoid .
no .
no .
and ah and so you know .
and I told her 
+" bueno imagínate .
+" yo creo que está en un lugar equivocado .
+" porque cualquier médico que sea bueno lo último aunque sea cirujano lo último xxx que va a hacer es operarte .
+" porque uno
+" even a surgeon .
+" and you know this very well .
yeah it's the it's the last resort .
they're gonna do all the conservative treatment .
let's do pills .
until
right .
let's do this .
it's the last thing .
.
the last thing they wanna do is cut you open .
ok .
no especially when it comes to things like that .
it's probably
because that's
yeah and we're not talking a thirty year old woman .
we're talking an eighty year old woman .
you're not removing a tumor .
you're talking about things that are more sensitive where you have the probability que no va a quedar bien .
yeah .
so I told her that .
I told her 
+" fíjate bien .
+" y y tú le vas a creer .
and I told her .
and I said 
+" that's where I pass the line .
I told her 
+" tú le vas a creer bien mejor a una persona que no tiene licencia aquí o a una persona que estudió aquí y tiene licencia aquí ?
right .
+" quién tiene más valor ?
yeah who do you prefer ?
+" no pero ese hombre es mi amigo .
I go 
+" no I understand that .
está bien .
+" I understand that .
xxx .
+" and I respect that .
+" but you have to understand too .
+" bueno pa(ra) que fue eso .
and I was like 
+" oh shoot .
I shouldn't have said that .
(be)cause it's not my clinic .
it's not my
but you know it's like 
+" listen .
yeah but the ignorance the ignorance is unbarable .
+ <that it that really riles me .
that really riles me .
the ignorance is unbarable .
+ and you know <she's an older but she's an older lady .
so what can you expect .
bueno .
so tell me about the old tell me about the old guy .
mm .
viejo .
so yeah so a lot of people have noticed .
and even we went to have breakfast at a place where we usually eat breakfast by ourselves .
but like
you and the team ?
me and the team .
but he wanted to join us .
oh my god he wants to be buddies with the guys .
well I think
he's a smart guy .
you know why he's doing that ?
no he is .
yeah he's levantando la pata .
but you know why he's doing that ?
no he is he's doing the like the dog .
you know why he's doing that ?
no but not only that .
not only that .
he's marking the territory .
but not only that .
I can't beat them .
I mean not that they have anything where
so I'm gonna join them .
I'm gonna join it .
I'm gonna let them know that I'm one of them .
I'm gonna let them know that I'm their friend .
and that everything's good .
and they're gonna take care of her for me .
yeah they're taking care of
because they like me .
right .
and I'm the daddy .
mmhm yeah he's very smart .
and I'm the daddy .
+" I'm the daddy .
no he's very he's bri(lliant) he's beyond brilliant .
that's funny .
ok so you go to have breakfast .
yeah let me tell you .
and the waitress takes it off .
he suites me .
I mean xxx .
bueno it turns out that the waitress has a crush on him .
how do you know that ?
bueno short of taking on off her clothes and sitting on his lap ?
no !
para qué ?
she couldn't even take our order right .
oh my xxx .
I've never seen her that enthralled by someone .
that excited .
that excited .
oh excited with
oh my god ella está
yeah .
+, loca !
and when I told her 
+" oye ese es mi novio .
she probably thought you were kidding .
I came back in the afternoon .
she probably thought you were kidding .
no it took me like twenty minutes to convince her .
no no espérate .
she probably thought you were kidding .
let me rewind .
no no wait .
start the story from the beginning .
ok so we get to breakfast .
she can't even take the order .
even J_d and Carlos were like 
+" métete en la cocina por dios .
+" por dios !
+" make us a coffee xxx !
+ <they were they were screaming [=! laughs] .
and they were like 
+" my god what is wrong with this woman ?
qué pena .
they were embarrassed for her .
they were like 
+" xxx we've never seen you like this .
and I was like 
+" oh my god you're not kidding .
+" this woman has a crush on you .
oh my god .
and he told me .
because he had been there before .
and he had sensed it .
we go there all the time .
Sergio's .
yeah but him him .
yeah he goes there all the time .
we go there all the time .
everybody goes there ok .
everybody goes there all the time .
that's the hangout .
so he had kinda sensed it .
and he was like 
+" oh my god .
no ella está enamorada .
but she's like an older lady ?
yeah well she's about his age .
his age .
ok but she's Cuban .
yeah .
and she looks not great .
she's no she's Columbian or something .
I'm like
ok but she doesn't look great .
she looks like she looks like her age or probably even more .
she looks her age or maybe a little more .
ok yeah .
yeah yeah .
and it's so funny .
(be)cause he tells me .
he goes 
+" oh because you look twenty .
he goes he goes 
+" you don't look thirty five .
+" you look more like twenty five .
you know ?
: .
and he goes he goes 
+" oh and there when we must go out people look people stare at you .
+" and they must wonder .
+" what is that girl doing with that viejo [=! laughs] .
he must be loaded .
.
he must be loaded .
that's the sugar daddy .
(be)cause you know I say that too .
when I see like a young girl or a younger girl with a guy .
yeah but I don't think he looks that much older than I yeah .
no I know but
and I don't
and I guess at the end of the day I don't realize that I I really don't look my age .
but
yeah that's the thing .
you don't real(ize) you think 
+" no I'm thirtyfive .
+" I'm fine with it whatever .
I think I'm fine .
yeah .
you think that everybody (be)cause you know me and we all look the same .
in my age group .
right .
we all look the same .
but when you meet
(be)cause I know it happens to you .
right .
today mismo .
I did an evaluation on a man .
pobrecito he's only been here seven months from Cuba .
uhuh .
and you know over there they just don't got the nutrients and stuff right .
so they don't look good .
so I'm evaluating this man .
xxx tenido .
mind you I I just get his name and his diagnosis .
I'm not looking at his age .
fractured wrist .
I start talking to him .
the man starts 
+" no porque llevo siete meses : .
still not looking at his age .
mmhm .
I did everything I could to him .
mmhm .
and you're thinking he's in his forties .
after
I'm thinking he's pushing fifty .
yeah .
after he leaves
he's thirty .
+, I go to write his paperwork .
born in nineteen seventy two .
yeah .
and I go like this 
+" oh my god .
yeah .
and Roger's behind me .
and I go 
+" oh my god .
and Roger goes 
+" what happened ?
and I go 
+" Roger did you see that gentleman that just left ?
a new guy .
and he goes 
+" yeah .
I go 
+" guess what year he was born ?
Roger was born in nineteen seventy .
and he goes 
+" I don't know .
I go 
+" seventy two .
he goes 
+" oh my god that man's like my that man's my dad's age .
oh my god !
.
I go 
+" I know right ?
I go 
+" are we totally like our our perception is out there ?
+" because you know we think that we're cool we're young and hip .
no as far as I'm concerned I'm cool and hip .
because everybody that you know that's your age more or less fits the bill I think .
I don't know but
so when you see someone It's like short .
but I mean think of it .
does that happen to you with the shortness ?
like I I know that I'm short .
but I don't realize it until
I I think I'm big .
+, until either I'm standing next to someone very tall or I see someone very short .
like the other day I was in Publix .
and I I just cracked myself up .
I was there pushing my little cart .
and from a distance there was a
she must have been Philapino or something .
the lady was like this tiny .
yes I saw one in the mall yesterday .
she was like this tiny .
yes .
and I'm as I'm pushing the cart .
mind you she's far away .
and I go 
xxx short [=! whisper] .
she's very short [=! whisper] .
and I'm doing the whole to myself .
yeah yeah yeah .
as soon as I walked by her she was still shorter than me .
but couple of inches .
but not that much .
mmhm .
and I thought 
+" oh my god is that what I look like pushing the frikkin(g) Publix cart ?
.
because I don't feel that that's what I look like .
I feel that I'm walking around very tall and proud .
well I think I'm tall until Kathy comes over .
right mm yeah .
she's eleven .
yeah .
and then you go .
yeah .
yup .
and you're taller than
right .
yeah .
right .
and and I really I do think I'm I'm big .
and it's funny .
because people at work think I'm big too .
well because I think either they know you already .
they don't associate .
that's something that somebody somebody used to tell me all the time .
or your personality .
whenever and and as a matter of fact I get that comment a lot .
and then and I even get it from Frank .
and Frank's only like (..) five eight five nine .
he's xxx five eight five nine .
yeah .
maybe no maybe he's maybe he's like between five nine and five ten .
a little smaller .
yeah he's not
no .
he's average .
normal .
yeah he's normal .
but for me that's super tall .
yeah for
because
well not really .
Jeff was six something .
four .
but even when I put on my big six inch heals I'm still only five six .
that was extreme too .
so he's five ten so I'm good .
yeah it doesn't
no it's still good right .
but it's funny how people who know me and even people who know me who see me every day now that he gets to stand up close to me and put his arms around me and he says things like 
+" wow you're really tiny .
and I'm like 
+" yeah .
you know .
+" I'm only five feet tall .
right .
and he's like 
+" oh my god .
he's like in shock .
and I don't wear heels to work any_more .
I wear sneakers .
yeah .
but I think it's
your presence .
I think it's attitude .
it's presence .
yeah .
your presence .
people think people think you're taller .
yeah .
but
right .
you're short .
and I think it has to do with if you're used to seeing someone in cariño .
I think
it's like um
I think I'm I swear I'm big .
it's kind of like with Andrew .
I know Andrew's huge .
but I've known him for so long .
it doesn't shock me any_more .
it doesn't surprise me any_more .
mmhm .
it's normal .
it's
yeah me either .
you know what I mean ?
yeah it's xxx .
it's almost kinda like it's normal .
now if someone points it out to you .
you go 
+" oh yeah yeah .
ah whatever .
mmhm .
or maybe you see someone out in the street .
and maybe they're not even as fat as him .
and you go 
+" oh my god that person's huge .
oh my god that person's huge .
you're right .
why is that ?
es cariño .
I think it's just you get used to it .
wow you're right .
right ?
no you're right .
(be)cause you see Andrew .
and you know he's a big guy .
no but you're right .
but you you you get over it really quick .
but you're used to it .
yeah .
he's a big guy .
you just say he's a big guy .
he's a big guy [=! whispers] .
xxx [=! whispers] .
yeah you get over it .
and then you see some really fat guy .
and you go 
+" wow that guy's fat .
oh wow that guy's huge !
and then you sit there and go 
+" .
oh .
but no .
well
so oh my god .
mm .
so let's go back .
I don't know if xxx the xxx story .
but I'm gonna say it anyways .
ok .
I think I told you that Tommy's friend that really tall guy
the gringo .
the awkwardly
that well
is he a gringo ?
well he's not gringo .
no he's not .
he just looks gringo .
he's
right .
he saw Jana .
and he was all about
: .
and he bought her the Coach thing .
yes .
ok xxx .
so we went to the Heat game .
and the whole thing right .
ok very good .
then a couple of days later
what does he do again xxx ?
he
no .
by no means .
he's eating a cable .
he's comiendose un cable .
mmhm .
like J_d says .
yeah yeah .
yeah he's eating he's in the cable .
la rata la rata comiéndose cable [=! laughs] .
he's in the
he's in the cable .
pero espérate .
why would he buy her such a gift then ?
it was ten dollars .
I mean it normally runs like twenty or thirty .
but he I guess he went to see all of it .
it's still a cute little gift .
: ok .
+ I mean <it was it was a very cute sign .
that is cute .
it was very cute ok .
so this is the thing .
so about a week after the Heat game whatever he calls up Tommy 
+" hey I'm gonna do a barbecue in my house so everyone can come over and hang out .
mmhm .
and Tommy
what does she say about him ?
does she like ?
so Tommy goes 
+" : ok yeah we'll be there .
so Tommy hangs up the phone and tells me 
+" oh my god this guy's gonna do a barbecue at his house .
and I go 
+" ok so what's the problem ?
Tommy has been to his house one or two times previously when the guy was still married mind you .
mmhm .
oh I remember this situation .
that the house was super tiny .
that they don't clean up .
and it was really piggy .
right it was really piggy whatever .
.
so Tommy tells me 
+" oh my god this guy's gonna do a barbecue .
imagínate tú .
and me da pena .
I'm not gonna tell him no .
what am I gonna tell him .
is he living alone now ?
he's living alone but in the same house .
(be)cause it was it's his dad's house .
so the chick left .
with the kids .
right .
where did they go ?
he has the ki(ds)
I don't know where she went .
but whatever [=! mumbles] .
so anyway
ella es gringa también ?
no she's Hispanic .
she's hispanic .
oh .
so he isn't .
why do I think that he's un gringo ?
he's Cuban .
he's Cuban .
he's Cuban .
he's Cuban [=! whispers] .
: he's just blond and blue eyed .
ok .
or green eyes .
: so anyways .
so Tommy says 
+" oh my god I'm not gonna tell him .
qué pena .
que no .
you know .
+" I can't go to your house .
+" (be)cause you're a pig or whatever .
.
and I'd much less eat there .
so
oye send Mona before .
yeah yeah listen .
oh my god .
you need a help .
so anyways .
so of course he calls Jana .
inviting her over .
so she goes .
this is where the whole I turned into xxx .
that's what Marie tells me .
she goes 
+" oh my god but you've turned into xxx .
I called Jana .
and I go 
+" hey are you gonna go ?
and she goes 
+" yeah of course there's free food .
+" yeah I'm going .
uhuh .
+" I'm going .
I go 
+" ok great .
+" I'll meet you there .
+" we're gonna go like around three or four .
have they been talking on the phone ?
no .
not really .
this was briefly after the whole Heat game .
ok .
so
it's those xxx back there .
yeah .
I'm not about to call it a humane
on the way
Owen tells me every day 
+" por qué tú no llamas al animal control ?
.
yeah that's really sad .
ay but at the end of the day you know it's just not in my nature .
you know what's gonna happen yeah .
ay [=! sigh] .
so ok so I tell Jana 
+" listen I'm gonna be there like between three or four .
+" it's a barbecue whatever .
+" ok what are you gonna wear ?
and I told her 
+" xxx I actually thought of wearing like one of my cute summer dresses .
+" but at the end of the day it's this guy's house .
+" whatever I think I'm just gonna wear little bermudas .
+" and you know call it a day .
+" oh I just bought this little I just got this little um like summer dress from Old_navy .
[=! laughs] .
+" because I went to go buy shorts .
+" and I'm too fat .
+" and .
+" ok yeah .
she calls me like at three thirty .
we're in the Publix nearby buying stuff to take to the frikkin(g) barbecue .
mmhm .
she calls me 
+" hey I'm here already .
+" oh my god I can't believe I beat you .
I go 
+" bueno we're almost there .
+" we're in the Publix .
right ?
come in [=! yells] !
enter [=! yells] !
enter [=! yells] !
abre [=! yells] !
the door's not locked .
xxx .
did I lock the door ?
maybe Chaquita did or somebody did on their way out .
I hope not .
I don't think she knew she would know how .
abre [=! yells] !
I think you can disconnect yourself for two seconds .
what a grave inconvenience .
what a great
I don't understand .
but was it somebody knocking or was it them playing ?
oh yeah yeah now yeah yeah now there's knocking ok .
the door's not locked .
oh it is locked .
somebody knocking .
: I told you .
somebody's at the door .
I don't know why somebody did that .
yo no cerré la puerta .
he's having a blast .
he's having a blast .
no pero remember they're on break .
I'm hooked up to the microphone with my friend .
so do your thing .
yes .
well they're not going to bed yet .
but I'm hooked up to this thing now so .
sí él está él está está bien .
él está bien .
xxx que si no .
no pero me lo tiene que volver a traer .
dale .
ah sí mira .
hablen con este muchacho que está de lo más interesante .
mira pero siéntense ahí afuera .
he's smoking .
and he's drinking .
e este muchacho habla español .
estamos en la grabadora .
porque ella tiene un estudio que está haciendo de la universidad .
xxx .
the second one .
the second one .
Marta the second one .
the second one .
mmhm .
xxx él es inglés .
pero sabe español .
oye pero siéntate allá fuera quince minutos .
cómo qué no ?
allí está en el pasillo en el pasillo .
pero why why do you insist on the plastic cups ?
I don't understand .
what's with you and the and the styro
ay <pero yo pero pero pero now that you're here why don't you get the other cups Marta ?
ay .
oh my God bueno .
so Jana calls me 
anyways .
+" oh I'm already here .
uhuh .
xxx
and I can't believe I beat you here .
right .
so I I go to her 
+" well we're in Publix down the street .
+" we're buying things to take .
+" did you buy anything to take ?
mmhm .
no she just showed up .
: : .
no she just showed up .
so yeah eso me puso
what a shocker .
ya eso me puso a a you know whatever .
yeah .
so I had a
ah whatever we show up at xxx .
we'd sip beer .
and I took turkey burgers whatever .
mmhm .
she's there sitting there whatever .
xxx .
as soon as I walk in that we go to the house
xxx [=! whispers] .
is it a house house or what is it ?
ok this is what happened .
it's not in xxx .
but it very well should be .
.
it's a house .
.
yeah it very well should be .
it was a house .
it was a normal house at one point in time .
and it's owned by this guy's dad .
so apparently he got slick to the game .
he divided the house up .
oh my goodness .
le hizo a car port or whatever .
dos efficiency .
oh my goodness .
so this guy lives on like this side of the house .
and it's like this .
oh my god .
and I don't know how many bedrooms it has maybe two .
oh my goodness .
three pushing it .
oh my goodness .
then next to on on the same little side is two efficiencies which happen to be rented out to family .
oh my goodness .
oh my goodness .
oh my goodness .
parientes whatever .
oh my goodness .
exactly .
.
um
siéntete si quiere .
ok dale .
I wanna go xxx .
bueno bueno .
so um and they even divided up the fence and everything .
no no no está
it's horrible .
ay no no no no .
it should be in xxx I'm telling you .
where is it ?
down south ?
Bird_road and like the turn pike .
ay !
ay !
abre abre .
.
no no muchacha te dice suavecito .
deja si quiere la puerta .
abre xxx un pocatico .
deja xxx nada así así .
sí porque ya xxx .
déjalo xxx abierto así así así así así .
allí .
xxx yesterday .
so
so bueno .
so we get there whatever .
she's sitting there .
as soon as I walk into the backyard sure enough I see a dog .
mmhm .
and the dog looks familiar .
but I'm not sure .
and Jana goes 
+" oh look this is my dog .
+" I brought here .
and I turned that's where I turned into apparently xxx together .
why would she bring her dog ?
which dog did she bring ?
she only has one dog .
which dog is that ?
she only has one dog .
ok what dog is that ?
it's that mutt .
it's a mutt that's a mix between a Boston_terrier and a
I don't remember .
and how big is it ?
and why would she bring it ?
exactly .
so I do this .
.
I do this .
and I tell her
isn't it her first time visiting his home ?
she doesn't know this guy .
she's met him one time .
yeah .
once .
and she's never been to his house .
she's never been to his house .
she doesn't know if the guy frikkin(g) has a dog has what
wow .
wow .
you're in a barbecue .
wow .
it's understood that we're gonna be outside .
and there's gonna be other guests there .
it's gonna be understood that we're outside .
brilliant .
that's brilliant .
right .
exactly .
so I get there .
we go to the backyard .
the guy's cooking up the barbecue .
xxx .
I see the dog .
xxx .
no no se lo están haciendo el estudio ni nada .
a quién ?
no .
xxx .
no ellos están allí xxx .
no no dale .
y ese americano habla español también .
no es americano .
es inglés .
sí sí ese ese el inglés el inglés .
inglés .
so I do the I look .
and I go .
and she's 
+" oh look I brought my dog .
he's so cute .
yes .
.
yes .
so I look at her .
xxx my dog .
and I do one of these I do a xxx .
!
and I look at her .
and I go 
+" and did you ask him if you could bring your dog ?
I turned in I turned into xxx .
ah !
.
+" did you ask him if you could bring your dog ?
why would she do that ?
+" yeah .
yeah yeah .
I was
I was insulted .
it set a tone .
I it set a tone .
so then I I'm like 
+" I can't frikkin(g) believe this .
bueno .
sure enough I I tell this guy 
+" listen we brought beer .
+" we brought this .
+" no put it in the fridge .
whatever .
so Tommy and I go back inside to start guardando las cosas .
and I tell Tommy 
+" I can't believe her .
xxx .
+" what the fuck is wrong with her ?
+" she brought her fucking dog .
xxx .
and Tommy goes 
+" pero what's your problem ?
that's xxx didn't care [=! laughs] .
I go 
+" Tommy I think that's
yeah .
I go to Tommy 
+" that's completely tacky .
+" she doesn't know this guy .
+" she doesn't know him .
yeah but then again what do you want from her .
+" she doesn't know xxx
ok but wait .
so then Tommy goes 
+" oh ok whatever just drop it .
bueno .
so we go back outside .
I get a beer .
I'm like 
+" you know what ?
+" let me just go outside and do my
+" I'm gonna relax .
pobrecita the dog is a puppy .
it's barely a year old .
and it's a super hyper active dog .
now it's imagínate it lives in an apartment .
so now it's in this a backyard the size of I don't even know who .
and it's going crazy .
and she brought it little toys to play which ok is understandable .
but now the dog wants to play .
now the dog wants to play fetch and catch and the whole thing .
I'm not gonna play with the dog fetch and catch .
I came to a barbecue to have
no (..) right .
yeah .
right .
xxx .
right .
so now the dog is xxx .
you know I can't blame the dog .
mmhm .
the dog brings the little ball the little bone .
it wants to do this .
mmhm .
it wants to do that .
and I'm like 
+" listen .
+" get away from me .