there are plenty of new um alternatives .
aha .
regarding um birth control xxx pills .
yeah .
sí pero es que yo no quiero
but ah they they they they're not as strong as they were a couple of years ago .
yeah .
pero es que también es que
like ah like ah in the sixties they were terrible !
yeah .
yeah they were .
like too strong .
too too much strong .
too much
yeah no no
but now the dose is so slight
basically .
but look at this .
es eso es homeopathic .
eso lo que tengo que
I wanna I wanna do more natural things because I really
I'm already on medication .
I'm already on Effexor
and I've been on antidepressants since I was seventeen .
so, I've already been (..) fucked
you know I've already had my body being dependent on on medicine .
I don't want to take even more medicine if I could find something else that helps me .
but I wouldn't say that hormones are
I don't know .
for me it's a natural way to regulate stuff .
yes but
but I could find
yeah but those things those things are synthetic hormones .
that's why they're more powerful .
they have more side effects .
that's the problem .
and I know I know I have to do I I have to be better about my diet and all that stuff .
I have to eat healthier .
I'm actually starting to eat
sí is it like a generic um ?
yeah it's genetic because my mom
so it's not ah it's not something that was like
qué ?
the(se) these pills .
no no no eso es eso es totalmente natural .
xxx .
eso es
I think that they need to consider your ah weight and blood type and stuff .
no eso es totalmente natural
entonces
when they do a good one ah ah like let's say a costumised ah homeopathic stuff
the thing is I went to
like if this is generic ah I think it's it's ah still effective
it's still effective .
pero cómo te digo ?
+ <I know I know .
I know I need to find I need to find
el el real homepático ah medicina homeopática .
es que yo lo
ajá .
el doctor te mira .
y te analiza el tipo de sangre um y otras características .
mmhm .
sí yo tengo que
y de acuerdo con tu peso tu tipo de sangre tu personalidad y otras cosas .
+ <es que yo no he hecho eso yo no he hecho eso .
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah .
that's the thing .
I've been
+ <this why that's what I think .
I've been
this this might be even more effective if a real homeopathic doctor like xxx .
+ <es que no es que no he tenido receta .
this is all prescribed .
I I need to go to a good homeopath .
and the thing is that they're not all of them a lot of them are not covered under regular health insurance .
mmhm .
so you have to pay the whole
you have to pay extra .
I don't know maybe later ah in a couple of minutes we can check some books there in xxx .
yeah yes this is also good .
I was going to say Starbucks eh Barnes_and_Noble because
I'm also
.
there's always ways that you can help yourself .
xxx that's why I also have that .
it's a massage oil .
I put it on my womb en el vientre por aquí y por detrás .
así que eso me calma también .
y qué tiene eso ?
esto tiene eh el coconut oil .
eso es coconut oil .
so you have your kit .
ah yo tengo mi kit .
xxx tú tienes xxx .
sí sí .
grape_seed oil lavanda eh este eh aceite de trigo .
like herbs and natural components whatever .
sí eh sí sí sí .
eh eh el bueno te voy a decir lo que es el lo el lo de aromaterapia .
yes .
it might help .
but the good stuff is that it's never going to do anything like wrong to you like it's not going to affect you negatively .
no exactamente .
that's why I like it .
and there might be a a good effect .
lavender
there's lavender que eso es lavanda .
y este cómo es
clary sage es es salvia .
sage es salvia .
eh
ah sí yo no sabía .
eh sí .
salvia xxx .
este los otros aceites son aceites de tú sabes para que sean masajes para que se se dilutan .
they so they dilute .
diluyan .
pa(ra) que se diluyan .
y también este
so by the way
sí porque eso es bien concentrado .
sometimes sometimes you you get words in English .
and you force them to look like Spanish .
yeah exactly .
yeah .
.
y jazmín .
sometimes you can guess that .
and sometimes you can make it like
but dilute it's not how how do you say ?
no sé .
.
?
eh no eh I know .
it's diluyan sí sí .
diluir .
diluir diluir exactamente .
I don't know .
it's good that you're doing this stuff .
and and you have your things to take care of yourself .
it's good .
it's good .
but still I what I was telling you is that we can check a couple of books and maybe ah (..) like self help something .
and I actually need to check some books for myself .
a woman and I have woman's Dong_Quai tonic .
esto tiene cinnamon que es canela orange peel que eso es eh la cáscara de de naranja
+, eh ginebra .
no no ginebra ginger .
ginger que ginger es ?
ginger ?
ginger .
la con la galleta .
ajonjolí ?
no no no .
ginebra no es ginebra eh .
eh eh
coño .
ginger ?
ginger .
Ginger_Snaps ginger cookies .
ginger ginger ginger .
how do you call those ah seeds that ah buns have when you are having a hamburger .
no no no it's sesame .
and they have those
eso es sesame .
oh yeah .
ginger .
ginger jengibre ?
coño !
eso mismo .
but it's not for cooking ?
it's like a little bitter ?
no .
no sí porque eh sí sí sí .
like strong .
so ginger es jengibre .
jengibre sí jengibre sí .
este
eh fennel .
no sé qué es fennel este .
esto tiene eh eh manzanilla .
eh dandelion .
eh no sé cómo se dice .
and how long
how long are your eh periods ?
este
for how long ?
three days five six ?
no siete .
fuck !
yo estoy yo sangro por siete días .
!
no y por eso le dije hoy
no puede ser de verdad ?
sí .
por eso yo le dije a mami 
+" este thanks for giving me your your like thanks for giving me your bloody peri(ods) you know your strong periodos .
for having inherit .
and she is like 
+" you're welcome .
exactly .
sí eso es .
eso se eso es de
oh that's a huge inconvenience !
eso es de de .
yeah I know .
seven days !
sí .
no está
lo que pasa es que los primeros como dos o tres días me siento como que .
este tengo fatiga .
y después este (es)toy agitada y
y como que crispy y
ah
+ <you know you you know what ?
consider all the all the facts of ah just been a woman .
it's just yeah it's a pain of fucking ass .
.
yeah like (..) quarter of the time you have blood in yourself like you are bleeding .
yo .
yes .
like one week every four .
no every
yeah .
mmhm .
so like a quarter
cada mes
quarter of the month you are bleeding .
veintiocho días veintiocho días .
and then you can have your own pleasure and eh have sex and whatever .
but if you get pregnant you need to give birth through there .
yeah .
.
y eso y eso se estira .
and it's painful .
y eso se estira .
no se esti(ra) no .
yo no estoy de acuerdo con eso .
I don't like like natural birth .
for me natural birth it's just unnatural .
you think it's barbaric .
yeah it is .
it was another way for God to punish people .
women once again .
yeah yeah yo yo pensaba mira
sí yo alguna vez me caso y le pido a mi esposa que por favor no tenga un parto natural porque eso es mucho dolor y mucha sangre .
no .
no no no pero eso es lo mejor porque la cesá(rea)
it is not going to
+ <no la cesárea es peor la cesárea es peor .
no I know that it I I I
but the the person will be able to keep the same shape and the the muscle tone and everything .
carajo carajo you're thinking of you're thinking about oh you don't want I don't want I don't want my my wife to have stretch out her puss(y) her tight pussy .
yeah .
I am thinking that .
well
why would I want it that that way like eh I don't know it's so uncomfortable .
pero es no es peor James porque
tú te imaginas .
la persona se recupera más rápido con un parto natural .
no .
exactamente yeah .
adelgaza más rápido .
sí .
es mejor en muchos sentidos .
sí .
pero la destruye por allá .
pero para xxx
it it's going to must likely the person is going to be like loose .
and that's why you do Kegel muscles .
oh not enough .
I wouldn't say that it's enough
I don't know .
I don't like that .
ah you know that I I have blood phobia .
did you know that ?
what ?
no no sabía no sabía .
blood phobia .
in Spanish is hematofobia .
sí que eso no te gusta ver sangre .
ah who likes to see blood ?
+ <a mí a mí tampoco .
no one .
a mí tampoco .
+ but <I can I I could faint .
no ah tú coño tú eres como mi papá .
you're just like my dad .
I'm I'm becoming stronger .
but ah like ten years ago
no .
my dad was just the same .
if if if I happens to see like running blood or something like that I feel disgust and I feel weak and I
ajá .
it's like my type kryptonite .
that's the point about freaking where I always xxx
sí sí sí sí kryptonite .
kryptonite yeah .
no mi mi papá era igual .
.
mi papá eh <él no <él se tuvo se las tuvo que aguantar para estar <en el parto de en el parto mío .
so it's not just about a loose vagina .
it's about blood too .
I do not like when I don't know people is bleeding .
yeah .
I I could faint as I told you .
and I'm becoming stronger .
but um how can I say this ?
once I was um giving blood .
mmhm .
and ah this black guy that it was doing it was so careless .
mmhm .
once again we're talking about that .
and the guy I I told him I told I told him
and we're talking about we're talking about niggers not black people .
calla .
don't say that .
.
eh the the
there's a difference .
there's a difference .
what ?
I I I don't want to talk about that because we already talked about that .
o_k .
o_k yeah yeah yeah .
and um
I don't know .
o_k o_k yeah .
he was being careless .
so yeah even if he's black or not um
yeah he was no no te te acribilló .
I ah
que casi te mata .
not always expect the best type of service from ah from
ajá .
from health people .
(e)specially health .
I don't know .
que te estaba
no no encontraba la vena y te estaba pinchando .
I guess .
+ <I told him I told him clearl(y) clearly .
+" ah I I'm I'm more than happy to give blood .
+" I am going to try .
+" but I I have blood phobia .
mmhm .
+" and I could faint .
+" so I need you to be close to me and talk to me and stuff like that for me not to think about what I am doing and feel and imagine what I'm doing because
te da cosa .
I yeah .
it it could happen if I if if my mind is focused on that .
es es lo que yo te estaba diciendo .
sí sí sí .
+, que la mente no se debe enfocar en los problemas porque los ve más grandes .
sí .
so bueno pues mira te cuento .
ajá .
y el el tipo me puso la la inyección .
y se fue .
y yo me quedé ahí .
entonces tratando de pensar otra cosa otra cosa otra cosa .
y no fui capaz .
entonces cuando me miré el brazo I I I just no sé empecé a pensar sangre estoy estoy sangre sangre .
te te dio
yeah .
y me sentí mal .
you got a hot flush .
sí .
me sentí mal
hot flushes ?
sí .
yo creí que eso solamente le daba a las mujeres .
no eso es que te da que te da el sudor .
so that un un hombre puede tener hot flushes ?
sí pues claro te daba sudor .
te estabas sudando .
y te te sentías pálido tú sabes .
te como que un calentón como que .
o_k .
he was just negligent .
así eso es negligencia .
because I told him I I I could faint .
yeah .
so be here .
and talk to me like
exactly .
I don't know .
if I'm doing this xxx for you because I do not like it and I know that I could faint .
mmhm .
mmhm .
I'm doing it because I want to be nice and maybe help a child or something like that .
mmhm .
but he just left me there .
so I fainted .
mmhm .
and when I faint I pulled my my my arm and it removed the needle .
mmhm .
so there was blood all around the floor .
oh !
and and I just fainted .
and it was so deep .
and I felt like shit .
have you fainted some once or ?
sí .
when they ah I almost fainted right after the when they did this .
yeah .
(be)cause I was like freaking out about the pain .
so
it was painful ?
they
it was painful .
pero es que yo me me me
I was just like thinking
I was like tired .
I was really
it's just a piercing you know .
I know .
pero es que no me gusta el dolor .
and the needle .
no me gusta el dolor .
no .
xxx type of piercings .
those are even more painful .
I know I know .
pero no eh eh el muchacho .
it's crazy .
el muchacho que que pasamos vamos a pasar después y lo te lo te lo conoz(co) te lo te lo presento .
estaba así .
y yo vomité .
me hicieron eso .
pero yo estaba tan mareada del del del del del del de la situación que yo vomité .
y él como 
+" ay
pero te has desmayado totalmente alguna vez en tu vida ?
dime sí o no nada más .
no no .
bueno tú no sabes lo que se no sabes lo que se siente desmayarse .
no .
por poco me desmayo .
it's like ah
por poco me desmayo .
they had to
it's like it's like you're dying .
I know .
like you feel like you're losing yourself .
like oh my God !
and fuck and you feel so weak
I almost fainted no I almost fainted at the at at at ah his place .
+, and helpless .
you have no idea what it is to be actually in that position .
so I had
it happened to me like five times or six .
and it's
oh I hate it .
no no what I'm trying to tell you is I did not faint .
but I was this close to fainting because I threw up
not the same stuff .
what if you start to faint ?
I can understand
+ <would you would you
no you you have no idea .
when you actually faint when you lose your ah consciousness .
ajá .
consciousness .
+, you feel like crap .
it's even worse .
because I have been in your
no no no no no .
stop !
.
oh .
remember wisdom .
qué te dije ?
.
continue .
tú tienes que aprender a a a abrir los ojos .
y abrir las orejitas .
mmhm .
porque la sabiduría entra por los ojos y las orejitas .
a veces tú no me has escuchado en absoluto lo que estoy diciendo .
déjame terminar .
o_k .
que tú que me dices que yo hablo mucho .
ya te voy a acabar de decir .
ah I have felt like you like you have like you have felt like ah I'm about to to lose my consciousness .
mmhm .
yeah .
and it's terrible .
it's not nice to be in that position .
but actually losing the consciousness is worst .
mmhm o_k .
so you do not know that part .
o_k .
so it has has happened to me that I have like lost my consciousness .
and it's terrible .
it's like um a small death .
mmhm .
something like that .
pero lo que te estaba diciendo qué era ?
ah bueno yo veo sangre y me desmayo .
ajá .
so then I have plenty of reasons for not ah I don't know support natural birth .
mmhm .
it's so unnatural and painful .
mmhm .
and most likely the person is going to get a loose vagina .
mmhm .
and even the doctor put the hands inside the vagina to pull the placenta .
mmhm .
yeah .
placenta how do you say that ?
yeah yeah .
the placenta .
yeah placenta .
in English .
placenta .
that's that's it .
how do you pronounce it ?
placenta .
placenta ?
yeah .
o_k so so the doctor takes the placenta .
ajá .
+, out of the woman like pulling it with with his own
yeah .
like the whole hand goes inside .
and it's so barbaric !
yeah .
and !
and it's not just about our myself and my pleasure but about the blood and and
xxx
mmhm .
I don't know .
it's it's it's terrible .
I was (..) bueno te digo que yo soy brava porque yo fui la fotógrafa del el parto de mi hermana .
yo fui la fotógrafa .
tu herma(na)
tú tienes una hermana mayor ?
no .
de Carla .
ah !
yo estuve ahí .
cuando nació tu hermana .
sí cuando nació
yo creía que tenías una hermana que había dado a luz .
no no no no no cuando nació mi cuando mi
oy horroroso horroroso .
sí no no .
me dio cosa .
sí .
me dio un poquito de cosa .
+ <no te dio no te sentiste mal viendo a tu mamá ?
no no lo único que me me dolía
<le dan le dan hernias y y haemorrhoids .
sí <es a(sí) es así yeah .
it's terrible !
I don't know .
cuando no tengas hijos .
people peop(le)
I don't know .
there there there should be like ah some sort of device to have children .
like put them like in some sort of microwave or something like an [=! laughs] oven !
the the the la esperma y el óvulo .
like the how do you say that ?
in in Spanish se dice el cigoto .
eh la mórula blástula .
that's xxx
ajá .
when when when it's growing
you're talking about infertile
you're talking about instead of having inside
no that's that is fucked up !
that is the most fucked up thing I've ever heard you say .
because the baby's supposed to be inside the wo(man)
I'm just joking .
I'm just joking .
oh o_k .
but it would be so convenient .
it would
can you imagine 
+" let's see our fetus !
xxx
+" it's on the microwave growing .
no no that's that's fucked up !
and you open there and you [=! laughs]
I'm telling you that's fucked up man !
no no but but what if
I don't know .
it would be so unnatural to have a child like growing like a fetus outside the woman .
and and and and and I know it's only this this is the un bebé de laboratorio .
yeah the the whole nine months in the lab .
I know .
eso es eso es como si fuera un producto .
eso no es no es una persona .
it's going to become a product sooner [=! laughs] than later !
no pero es no no no eso es
xxx let's buy a baby !
that's I know that's
+" let's get a baby !
un be(bé) un bebé no es un perrito tam(poco) sabes .
eso es eso es eso es eso es tan contra Dios y contra la naturaleza que la i la iglesia está opuesta a todo eso .
es tan es tan contra la vida .
mmhm .
qué es yo no sé muy bien qué es eso de las células madres que Bush Bush no apoya ?
oh stem cell .
stem cell .
yeah I have no idea about that .
no let's not talk about that xxx .
it's like kind of using fetus to
I don't know something .
let's go back to this .
ay no more no more !
I don't want more [=! groans] .
no .
what Dong_Quai
no more herbs and stuff .
boring stuff .
do you ever hear me talk about that like um ?
I know but I didn't finish reading it .
o_k man read it !
read all of them .
it has er er stinging nettle .
no tengo ni idea qué es eso .
organic Dong_Quai .
that's the ah that's the Chinese .
the ching chang chong chong ["] .
y qué es esto ?
a P_M_S lollipop ?
yeah .
with what ?
it it's actually ?
no that's just me that's just before
(be)cause me gusta el dulce .
kosher .
Dong_Quai
so it's it's not intended for helping you with your P_M_S ?
no that's just me (be)cause I bought it yesterday .
+" Dong_Quai root extract .
+" juniper berry extract .
+" organic orange oil xxx
looks like a lollipop made out of herbs or something .
stevia .
stevia leaf .
oh stevia !
stevia's good !
yeah I know .
I know .
that that regulates your blood sugar .
stevia ?
stevia .
so expensive !
it is .
have you tried it ?
the natural one ?
yeah this is all natural .
no but ah
organic xxx
no no I I I mean the the leaves .
ah tú solo ?
no no no no no .
the leaves .
the leaves itself .
ah no no xxx no lo he probado .
and you know what is stevia ?
sí .
it's like a plant that grows in Chile .
xxx .
yeah .
in Chile .
recently discover I don't know but um the fact is that er might be ah the next big thing to replace sugar or xxx .
.
aha .
sí eso mismo .
esa mismo es .
yo sé yo sé todo eso .
pero es muy cara .
es carísima .
sí sí sí .
es carísima .
son unas hojitas dulces .
+, que tú las coges .
y las secas .
y te las metes en la boca y te endulzan .
sí yeah .
xxx endulzan natural y rico .
y sin una sola caloría .
es(o) es(o) eso es esto mismo .
um .
stevia leaf <eso es esto es
pero es bien caro .
sí por eso es que estos tés son bien caros .
esos esos tés son orgánicos .
y son hechos como <en la en la tradición hindú de Ayur(veda) Ayur(veda) Ayur(veda)
Ayurdeva [* Ayurveda .
yeah eso eso mismo !
Ayurdeva [* Ayurveda .
Ayurdevic [* Ayurvedic] Ayurvedic .
um .
you know that I used to be a Hare_Krishna ?
yes you told me .
and I used to be a lot of things .
so let's let's count them down .
oh the list is huge .
I know .
you told me it was eighteen .
um you might not know about some of them like er espiritismo .
pues claro sí yo sé sé de eso .
but not like in the movies like 
+" oh my God !
no no no no yo sé como New_Age .
it's not like a medium like with blank eyes like doing weird stuff .
no no no yo sé the New_Age cuando así que tú sabes xxx
+ just <some way to relax and get in touch with a um spirit that eh has some wisdom .
the the chakras .
yes .
not any other spirit .
aha .
depends on the medium .
aha .
but what happens is that they they they make connection .
and the spirit speaks about the medium like through the medium .
mmhm .
and I found it really interesting .
so in that group I I happened to learn about the real espiritismo .
mmhm .
how do you say that in English ?
like spiritism ["] ?
no er it's called um New_Age .
eso es New_Age .
eso es lo que llaman espiritismo en español o ciencia espírita .
sí si yo sé .
yo sé .
+ <yo estuve en es yo estuve en tres de esos .
tres diferentes .
cuáles cuáles ?
tres diferentes grupos .
pero dame los nombres de los grupos .
Cima se llamaba uno .
Asonde se llamaba otro .
aha .
aha .
eh (..) y el otro cambio de nombre después .
pero pero fueron esos tres básicamente .
aha .
eh también estuve en el Círculo_Efe .
ajá .
eh and I was looking for eh (..) ah third type encounters .
how you call those ?
los U_F_Os ?
yeah .
estuve estuve en el monte en las montañas buscando extraterrestres .
.
then I became a Hare_Krishna part time .
mmhm .
a part time Hare_Krishna .
yeah .
so I used to be like vegetarian .
but sometimes I had my my meat .
mmhm .
and I went to this um a ceremonias .
xxx
en la mañana xxx .
el el xxx .
and I used to sing with them and stuff like that but just part time .
xxx
oh it was so I
lo que a mí me gustaba de Coconut_Grove es que ahí está el templo Hare_Krishna .
y ahí ellos antes se pasaban así .
cantando eso eso eso ellos ellos cantan
la procesión .
a veces cantan para recoger dinero .
aha .
y para coger donaciones se llama prasha .
aha .
y es para para coger comida gratis .
y darle comida a los demás .
mmhm .
para que la gente que tiene hambre coma y aprenda el Bhagavad_Gita .
it's like marketing .
sí .
so they sing and they get free food from the market people xxx
mmhm .
I don't know .
they they give away food .
they prepare the food .
and if there's a homeless guy or someone they have like meetings .
and they they they give away people for food .
eh es como una misión ?
es misión ?
but you need to first listen the Bhagavad_Gita .
and then you get the soup .
oh no .
eso no eso no es cristiano .
.
so if you're hungry you can become a Hare_Krishna .
just get the soup and then get the Bhagavad_Gita and sing with us and dance with us and
oye eso es no es
it's kind of a manipulation .
no eso no es
porque xxx por lo menos los cristianos le daban los misioneros
it's it's it's it's marketing .
it's a good way to I don't know give someone a a bowl of soup and some I don't know comfort for the soul .
no no no porque eso no se supone que sea así .
porque por lo menos .
lo que mi entendimiento de las misiones católicas .
en eh le daban comida .
no impor(taba) y después si querían querían aprender del cristianismo pues le enseñaban .
pero eso no era de
o_k so it's a mission .
we give you food .
and if you want to hear about er Jesus_Christ that's fine .
++ you're more than welcome .
but a couple of centuries ago you do not want to hear about Jesus_Christ so you are going to lose your head .
I know .
decapitated !
we have come we have come a long way por lo menos .
yeah but xxx we were counting .
like Hare_Krishna .
Hare_Krishna sí .
and I had well my mantras and my stuff 
+" Hare_Krishna Hare_Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare Hare Rama Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare !
qué significa eso ?
es una forma de bendecir al señor Krishna .
aha .
y agradecerle por la existencia .
pero es bonito .
eso se supone que te relaja .
aha .
eh fue interesante .
ellos suelen meditar .
aha sí sí sí .
meditar .
y comer saludable .
son personas sanas buenas .
los monses hacías los monjes hacían eso .
hmm .
hmm .
sí .
hacían los vespers cada
sí .
estuve en otro grupo que llamaban Madame_Blavatsky_H_P_B .
aha .
que era como de metafísica .
estuve en uno que se llamaba El_Subuth .
que era un poco extraño .
y estuve muy poco tiempo ahí porque yo visitaba mucho y no me gustaba y me iba .
aha .
a ver estuve en otro que se llamaba
eh Rosacrucismo .
mmhm .
cómo le dicen en inglés ?
no sé .
no me acuerdo cómo se dice .
y qué otro estuve ?
xxx El_Cuarto_Camino .
estuve en El_Camino .
estuve en xxx .
estuve también en en este de
que eso fue hace veinte años .
fue hace como diez .
estaba yo muy joven .
aha .
en el cómo se llama este ?
el de este negrito que tiene el el lleno de pelo grande que hace magia .
ay carajo !
cómo se llama ?
mm
Satia_Saibaba .
Saibaba es muy conocido en India .
es que en India hay hay más de mil religiones reconocidas .
sí sí .
and and then I just read that er I wasn't able to find God or find inner peace .
mmhm .
so I just eventually stopped looking .
and I became a rebel .
and I just told
un rebelde sin causa .
yeah like just told Jesus or whatever god or representation there was at that time in my mind 
mmhm .
+" it's o_k I'm just tired of looking for you .
+" and I got nothing .
+" I feel nothing .
+" I I haven't got any more faith .
+" so I'm just going to stop looking .
+" if you want to see me just look for me .
+" so I'm not going to [=! laughs] look for you .
mmhm .
xxx um I don't know .
then I became a atheist and then agnostic and plenty of stuff .
and then I came here to the U_S (..) seven years ago .
and attend like Christian meetings and Christian churches and stuff .
protestante .
yeah protestante .
and at the end I just realised that I am just a Catholic person that wants to be better .
and er I don't know I'm just trying to be a good man .
un besito .
no no no un besito .
no un poquito no un poquito no .
ay !
o_k un besito en la .
así que regresastes .
regresastes a la familia .
por lo menos busca por lo menos este entendemos que o sea los católicos entendemos que esto es un proceso .
porque y nos tenemos que ayudar los unos a los otros .
eh al al a la meta que es la santidad .
pues <Dios nos eh Jesus nos dijo que este todos podíamos ser santos .
mmhm .
y por eso es que yo fui amada por él .
a hacer un apostolado de los the ravers .
xxx ravers ?
xxx ?
ravers ?
no no tengo ni idea qué es eso .
es es lo lo la la la gente joven que le gusta la música electrónica .
rave music ?
sí .
música electrónica ?
sí techno .
eso no me gusta .
este
bueno no importa que no te guste .
pero como a mí me gusta
+, y como en verdad
so like techno music ?
me encanta me
isn't that the one that people use to get stoned or get high with these ecstasies ?
sí sí sí .
sí .
pero es que yo a mi me gustaba
yo probé éxtasis a los veintiuno .
pero yo a mi me encantaba esa música ya de joven .
I have never tried ecstasies .
a los
I just smoked marijuana for a couple of years .
a los dieciséis
a los dieciséis los diecisiete me xxx yo yo oía esa música .
just minor stuff .
marijuana just .
but you know what ?
bueno
what ?
I I want to try sooner or later in my life at least once L_S_D .
uy !
at least once .
no te no te lo xxx
bueno es que como yo tengo mis issues .
pues no te lo recomiendo .
yo traté algo que era similar era L_S_A .
era unas era unas semillas .
se llamaban Hawaiian_Baby_Woodrose .
y yo hice un té .
se supone que eran con cinco semillas .
it was something natural ?
sí .
so then it's not L_S_D .
L_S_D is totally a chemical stuff .
no <esto es <esto es esto es L_S_A .
en vez de D es L_S_A .
that has nothing to
well L_S_D L_S_D is is is er is made xxx in a lab .
sí sí no es es similar .
no no no cállate .
no .
yo he leído todo esto .
I I
so it's some sort of seed that cause the same effect like L_S_D or something like that ?
yes .
yes !
yes .
but they're some sort of mushrooms or something like that ?
no no no no es una semilla se llama Hawaii
I might try something natural maybe .
lo que lo que pa(sa) lo que pasó fue .
bueno es que yo quiero que tú tú aprendas de mi experiencia .
este lo que pasó fue que
I know about your experience .
but you know what ?
still
I told you the other day .
er sometimes life is like flat .
like (..) without I don't know intereses o intensidades o
mmhm .
sometimes just being an adult is a little boring .
yes I know .
and you can drink sometimes .
mmhm .
and you feel different .
xxx could be nice to drink once in a while .
mmhm .
you can smoke cigarettes which is stupid .
mmhm .
xxx the worst thing that you can do .
like Marlboro ones .
mmhm .
you can smoke some marijuana .
o Lucky_Strike .
that I used to smoke marijuana .
and for me it was great .
mmhm .
um
pero es que
and I experienced nothing wrong about that and nothing .
but (..) er I never tried any anything else .
mmhm .
so lo que te estoy diciendo es que cuando yo fumé marijuana
+, yo sentí cosas que no sentí jamás de otra forma .
sí .
so there wasn't for me any other way to feel what I felt
xxx no .
+, through marijuana just with marijuana .
.
even I I can experience what is love
+, um what it is to drink .
different things .
but what marijuana marijuana made me feel nothing else would have made me feel .
mmhm .
you understand what I'm saying ?
yes completely understand .
and I (..) yo no me arrepiento de haber fumado marijuana .
and it's just marijuana for a couple of years .
mmhm .
so er and I just stopped doing it .
mmhm .
it was so easy to just not do it I just decided not to do it .
and I stopped doing it .
but still I know that (..) there are some ways to feel things in life (..) that just flat main basic emotions are not going to make you feel .
++ just like that .
because I I I might love someone
ese es ese es ese es el espíritu santo .
yeah the Holy_Spirit is nice but er but er ah
no ese es el espírtu santo .
no I have never felt nothing close to the espíritu santo xxx never
+ no porque <tú no tú no xxx
++ I do not have faith .
because
I I was not raised to have faith .
sí pero
and I have looked for that .
and I I wanted to have faith but er
+ mira <tú tú necesitas cate(cismo) tú necesitas un cate(cismo) tú necesitas catecismo
I'm still a very nice person and I I
but you know what ?
I am actually one of the
I don't know .
I consider myself a useful person a nice person that has been doing nice stuff for people all his life .
yeah .
xxx
I I always have been useful .
so I'm a good citizen .
yeah .
and maybe (..) not really with a big faith .
but um I have been better than other people that have faith and has done bad stuff .
+ <sí pero sí pero imagínate si tú si tuvie(ras) si tú tuvieras fé .
xxx .
con la buena persona que tú eres xxx tienes que pedir a Dios 
+" dame fé Dios .
+" yo quiero creer en ti .
yo creo que sí es cierto .
si yo tuviera más fé sería una persona más mejor tal vez más feliz pero bueno .
xxx uno .
bueno lo que te estaba diciendo era lo siguiente este
aha .
yo sé que ya no fumo nada ni hago nada .
pero un día de estos me gustaría probar algo una sola vez .
mmhm .
just give a try once .
and something that is going to make me feel (..) something different and nice .
exciting .
something
I don't know er an experience out of myself .
something !
and I I have heard that L_S_D can make you feel like that .
yeah yeah .
yeah
so just once maybe .
no bueno es es que
and then keep on with my life .
es que tú sabes que yo tuve tan mala esperiencia
xxx .
yo te yo te estoy cuidando por lo menos yo te estoy .
yo te estoy cuidando porque yo no
yo sé pero yo tengo claro que solamente es una vez y ya .
sí .
pero lo lo
es es lo que mucha gente dice no pero
pero tal vez no lo haga nunca tal vez .
I I might never do it but
déjame déjame hablar .
lo que pasó fue que la primera vez que lo hice hice los cinco nada más es cinco .
tú haces un té con cinco cinco semillas .
cinco qué ?
cinco semillas .
you grind them .
o_k .
las semillas esas Hawaiian_Baby_Woodrose .
you grind them .