Hey 

Hi, I'm the General Manager of the New Orleans Yaj*Mart. You were quite rude in ignoring our CEO's generous offer of reconciliation and free merchandise. Fortunately, I've talked to him and he's decided that the previous offer can be increased. You can have $150 worth of free merchandise-anything in the store, doesn't have to be dildos-if you print off this message and bring it to any of our stores within the next ninety days. We are doing our part to reach out to you and put the past unpleasantness behind us. Whether you accept our offer is up to you.