That's Absander's prose, condensed by me into the draft I proposed above. I'm a little confused by what happened here - I posted a draft for comments so that editors could come to consensus on it before putting it in the main article space, you commented on it, I made changes based on your comments, and I posted the result to the main article space. It turned out you had a lot of additional corrections and concerns, and I disagree with some of your edits so far. The section as it stands now has a number of new problems - grammar, level of detail, warning tags, etc. It actually looks like the best idea would be to move the whole section back to the talk page and discuss it more thoroughly - does that sound like a good idea?