No, the phrasing is wrong. "Lying" is the present participle of "to lie" - it's one of the painful ones consistently gotten wrong in English ) If she was currently continuing to lie to a jury then it can be used. But the lie being described is in the past. Hence "She has lied", not "She was lying". I don't see these as nitpicks either; many of the proposed phrase shortenings are due to you replaced past with present tense. On top of that I think we should aim for high quality writing! Now, I agree that some of the content (for example "a nearby room following her encounter with Strauss-Kahn and had then returned to Strauss-Kahn's room and cleaned that as well") could be better phrased to be clearer and shorter. But your mostly just removing material to no value leaving a lot of vagueness and some innacuracy.  Errant (chat!)