Relaunch 86

This was to judge by appearances. As theoretical physicist Robert Grumbold puts it, “It took two decades of IT to reveal what the Cantab editors were really up to, but it’s now clear that their achievement was staggering. Basically if each letter of a Cantab article is plotted as a point in an n-dimensional space, then you find that the piece on the piece on Benjamin Zephaniah, written in early 1988, actually traces out an encrypted set of instructions for twisting vortical gravity fields to produce a singularity in ψ-space. And the City Issue of Summer 1988 is decades, if not centuries ahead of its time. The uninitiated were evidently deceived into seeing nothing more than a shameless piece of careerist self-aggrandizement in the hallowed Cantab tradition. “In fact”, says Grumbold “this is no less than a prototype of a 13-dimensional machine which time-locks a 9-dimensional black hole. We can see the equations but just don’t have enough neurons to even begin to figure out what they really mean”. But where was the portal and why did it have to be closed? Was it in the paste-up room cupboard? Had interdimensional creatures from another universe been progressively using it to control the minds of the film reviewers in 1985/86? Is it true that at 1.41 am on 23 May, 1988, a packet of chocolate Hobnobs on the layout desk suddenly shot across the room and disappeared into the wall? Why did so many people go into the nearby round church and so few come out? And why did so few people go into the nearby Indian restaurant and so many come out? Who or what was the Chief Editor, who subsequently disappeared in South America? Did (he) come from an extraterrestrial civilisation so advanced that trade journalism is unknown there? And why does supernatural sleuth Mike Dash repeatedly censor any attempt to tell what really went on so long ago, years after he’d left Cambridge? What is his dark secret? Had he already experienced something that has tormented him ever since and prevents him from getting a life even today? This is evidently one mystery too many, even for him…. Unsigned but by user Endoscope5