"She attended the Wellesley in Washington program at the urging of Professor Alan Schechter, for whom she would write a senior thesis about the tactics of radical community organizer Saul Alinsky[6] that later became the subject of mystery." - somehow i feel that the message of the sentence is not coming out well. needs re-wording
 
 "Around this time, she decided to join the Democratic Party." - what prompted her to join democratic party. needs info here
 "She became the first student in Wellesley College history to deliver their commencement address.[7]" - any particular reason, she was bestowed this honor?
 " They lived there briefly and then moved .." - which year? same year?
 "capital of Little Rock, from which Bill conducted .." - it should be "capital of Little Rock, from where Bill conducted .."
Fixed.  
 a few sentences after "Rodham became First Lady of Arkansas, her title for a total of 12 years.", i saw "In November 1980, Bill Clinton was defeated in his bid for re-election, but returned to office two years" - when i read the first line, it implied 1978 - 1990, but realised after reading the second sentence, it was 1978-1980 and 1982-1992. can you make this explicit?
Fixed.  
 "...Hillary Rodham Clinton had chaired the Arkansas Educational Standards Committee..." - chairperson term and years (19xx - 19xx). same for "Rural Health Advisory Committee", "Arkansas Advocates for Children and Families", "Arkansas Children's Hospital" and "Children's Defense Fund". 
I've added years and cites for most of these.  
 Need to be specific on the years on board of private companies - TCBY, Wal-Mart Stores and Lafarge
Done.   
 "As First Lady, Clinton supported women's rights and children's welfare around the world.[1]" - POV statement and since the source is the whitehouse website, all the more reason to remove it and substitute the text
Junked (violated Show, don't tell).   
 " Clinton hosted numerous White House conferences" - year? dates? total number?
 dates of serving on the congress committes - Committee on Armed Services, Committee on Environment and Public Works and Committee on Health, Education, Labor and Pensions
Done.  
 "She was audibly booed in an audience of New York firefighters and police officers during her on-stage appearance at The Concert for New York City on October 20, 2001.[54]" - why?
We aren't mindreaders, but basically they were distressed and drunk and she wasn't their type. Best not to attempt an explanation, just describe what happened. The article on the concert goes into greater detail.  
The reference doesn't actually explain much - I'd look for a different reference and/or re-word or remove the sentence about the booing altogether.  The logic doesn't flow in the paragraph - she worked for funding and was booed?  (Also, not sure where you got the "drunk" from, but it could well be correct.  I do agree that we can't speculate on it though and should let a ref explain it.)  |talk