"

 My old pal Sam! 

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2587275

 My old pal Sam!

Last night I decided to google the name of the most despised kid in my hometown. I went to school with him for 9 years and have a whole list of horror stories. His name is legendary in the childhood memories of my friends and I. Sam.

Sam was the kid who ate cat food at lunch. Sam was the kid who always smelled like shit (moreso on the occasions he actually shit himself). Sam has a collection of awesome dragon shirts. Sam was a genius, too. It always puzzled me what he was doing barely passing his classes in elementary and middle school. Perhaps his superior mind just wandered. Sam would often tell us about and draw pictures of his English girlfriend, who flew to america every weekend to fuck him. On special occasions Sam would share with us selections of the many books he had written. Yeah Sam had it made.

So I was curious of the life Sam was leading now, a year after he has graduated High School. Is he returning for his sophomore year at Oxford? Is he happily married to his stick figure with huge tits?

well, I've kept him in the dark long enough, so say hello to Sam!
[IMG]http://img443.imageshack.us/img443/6724/icantspellmynamexv1.jpg[/IMG]

I guess even child geniuses can spell their own username wrong. We all make mistakes.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:PHDrillSergeant

A few words about Sam from Sam.

    quote:

    Hi, I'm Sam. I joined Wikipedia in June 2005. My first edit was soon after I joined, where I fixed a punctuational error in the Danny Phantom page. My first truly major edit was on the Penny Arcade page. Recently, I have been more involved with Wikipedia, trying to stop vandalism. I have also been working with Wikipedia's cleanup

    quote:

    I am a member of a Vampire: The Masquerade LARP called the Wasteland Chronicle which meets in my area. I'm currently playing Parker, a member of Clan Nosferatu, since my last character, Alex Mountbatten, died a while back. To tell the truth, it's the only thing which keeps me sane!

His userboxes also lend us insight into the rich life of this young man.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:PHDrillSergeant/boxes

    quote:

    This user has Aspergers Syndrome (you guessed it)

    quote:

    This user is a member of Mensa (according to a totally legit internet test he took)

    quote:

    This user loves the band AlterBridge

    quote:

    This user is a modern follower of Bushido

    quote:

    This user loves yiff, and is probably a furry

    quote:

    This user practices abstinence (I don't think he has to practice very hard)

Away from the formal setting of wikipedia, Sam's myspace shows him a bit more relaxed and personal.

http://www.myspace.com/porphyrichemophiliac

Killer Dragon shirt dude.

    quote:

    About me:I eat. I sleep. I breathe. I sometimes leave my house. Sometimes.

His blog contains a heartwrenching eulogy for, what else, his old computer.

    quote:

    Rest in peace, my good friend
    Current mood: sad

    OK, you all are going to think this is really dumb. I know it, so I'm prepared for it.

    Today, at 10:35 pm, my beloved PC met its end. It snapped and is now broken, with a fried motherboard and unfixable corrupted hard drives, never to return from that infernal silicon grave.

    Now, before you walk off saying how stupid this is, let me explain something to you. I do not have a life of any kind. I occasionally have a girlfriendusually a girl who thinks ""This nice, sweet guy ain't got the best body, but I'm sure he'll put me before anything else."" and how wrong they were! More often than not I find myself alone in my room, doing nothing but hanging out with my computer.

Sam is also looking for love!

http://www.okcupid.com/profile?u=PHDrillSergeant

But beware puny minded plebs!

    quote:

    I'm a bit more intellectual than most people, I like to have intelligent conversations over coffee

Perhaps he can blow your mind with his analysis of tv shows and movies.

http://www.tv.com/users/PHDrillSerg...eviews;author;7

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0492878/usercomments

    quote:

    better title: ""Drake and Josh go Hollywhattheheck?"", 9 January 2006
    2/10
    Author: PHDrillSergeant from Glen Burnie, MD, United States

    *** This comment may contain spoi