Calibration run, level 2: 

 Mary is strapping on a rubber penis. "Steely Dan III from Yokohama," she says, caressing the shaft.  
 "What happened to Steely Dan I?"  
 "He was torn in two by a bull dyke. She could cave in a lead pipe."  
 "And Steely Dan II?"  
 "Chewed to bits by a famished candiru in the Upper Baboonsasshole. And don't say 'wheeeeeeee!' this time."