== Havin' a Roni! == 

 It was about three years ago when they told me I have cancer.  I was sitting in my hospital bed.  The doctors came into my room and said, "I'm sorry to have to break the news to you, but I'm afraid you have cancer."  I looked at that doctor and said, "All you mother fuckers are going to pay!"  I ripped out my IV gave the doctor the middle finger.  He said, "Look, I understand that you are upset.  Let's talk about some of your options."  I said, "You can shove options up your ass!"  The doctor was a little puzzled.  Confused, he asked, "Have I done something to you personally?  I am only trying to help.  I am sorry to have to give you the bad news, but it is important that we make some decisions going forward."  Determined to make him understand, I said, "You can go to hell.  I've got demons in my innards.  I will come at you like a noisepopper on New Year's.  Let's not let it come to that." 

 "I have to use the toilet," said the doctor. 

 "Can I eat it?" I inquired. 

 "You, or your demons?" replied the doctor. 

 "My grandchildren.  I copulated them with my fist.  I give birth to nations by copulating with my fist,"  I patiently explained. 

 "One time, I ate a patient's boogie," the doctor confessed. 

 "3 weeks from now, a great beast will rise from the east.  It will consume all nations.  IT WILL EAT YOUR BABIES AND MAKE YOU WRITHE ON THE GROUND WITH PAIN LIKE A PORCUPINE WITH A SESURE!  I AM NOT IN CONTROL!  I AM AT THE WILL OFTHE BEAST AND SO R U!  I WILL MAKE WOMAN WEEP WITH TEARS OF BLOOD FROM HER WOMB!  THE WORLD CANNOT DEFIE THE WILL OF SAAALAASTA! 

 The doctor seemed puzzled.  "I'm afraid I am not following," was his only retort. 

 THE PIZZA BUFFEST IS CLOZZED TODAY FROMWHAT I CAN TELL I HAD TO EAT CHINEES FOOD FOR LUINCH BECUZ THE BEEST WHO ROSE FROM THE SEE MADE MY LEGS MOVE AS I COPULATED MANY GREAT NATIONS INTO EXISSTNCE WITH MY FISTT EAT A DICK. 

 THE WIKI CANNOT TAME GWEENNTH GALE IT CANNOT TAME THE VOICES IST YAMMAH SU TOOO MAH  MAHN! 

 I THTREW IT ON THE GROUND!\ 
 \\ 

 tune in next week for next installment of, "shit that happens in my fuckin' head."