== Campbeltown Loch.... == 

 Oh, Campbeltown Loch, I wish ye we're whisky, I whid drink ye dry....whilst snivelling intae my British Army surplus blanket over my ain ingrained inadequacy. 

 Ah'm a teuchter fuck...dinnae criticise meh furrit, in mah phoenitical weakness ahm a twat o'nationalism, an' a'll suffer furrit. Ah'd tek a Strachur shinty stick against a fuckin' panzer division if Ah'd swell mah collective nationalist smugness. Aw Christ - who we bow befir and suppress oor fuckin' mahoosive national ingenuiety in front 'eh - wha's like us...except every fuckin' nashin' that evur developed a contrived methid o' typin'. 

 Arnae' we a buncha cunts. Tha's mah oil, tha's mah minced-meat tickett tae the sky!.....tho we havenae a fuckin' navy tae secure it. Ah, whit the fuck, let's let the English (hach-ptoo, hach-ptoo) tek care o' it.........hoy, anybdae wantae watch Gregory's Girl again?