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 == Removed Aristocrats == 

 I removed the following story because of its strong language and content. This is an encyclopedia, meant to be accesable to anyone, including children. If you don't agree with this removal, please discuss it here.   

 Original contents of removed story: 

 :The Aristocrats 
 :(Aka - ""The Sophisticates"") 
 :See link above for its own entry.  However, it is best defined by the 2005 documentary called The Aristocrats, co-produced by  Penn Jillette and Paul Provenza, directed by Provenza, and edited by Emery Emery and Provenza 

 :The following is a version of an Aristocrats joke which best resembles the premise and setup for a shaggy dog story: 
 
 :A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, ""We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."" The agent says, ""Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."" The mother says, ""Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."" The agent says, ""OK. OK. I'll take a look."" 

 :“Get ready kids, like we practiced before.” Says father, signaling with his fingers to the son. The son takes a deep breath, meditating silently, preparing himself. 

 :“HYEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!” The son screams suddenly and stabs his father’s butt crack repeatedly with a penknife. As this goes on the mother somersaults out the door. 

 :While being stabbed, father jiggles around doing an animated dance while trying to wrap his pudgy little moustached lips around his dog’s cock but sister keeps slapping the dog’s dong away from his mouth screaming “Your blowjob privileges are void! Your blowjob privileges are void!” The doggy gets excited by sister’s cockslapping and cums all over the floor. SPLURRRTTT SPLURRRRTTT 

 :Just then the mom comes back into the room with her right earlobe stuck in a zebra’s dickhole, and two little hamsters stuffed up her ass sucking pus out of her ulcer-infested anus. She slips on the dog cum and falls right under her son’s legs. “…A one… and a two~!” She yells, and twist his balls around 10 times. Brother is a masochist and is aroused by this. He nearly has an orgasm, but halfway during the process of ejaculating, father sprays sleeping gas into his face and he falls into REM sleep, pre-cum still dripping halfway out of his dick. 

 :The family proceeds to 69 each other (Mom with sis, Dad with dog) while the brother sleeps. When he wakes up he finds a transparent thread of hardened cum sticking out his dickhole like a strand of superglue. He pulls it out but the cum clot is stuck to the insides of his urethra and he turns his penis inside-out in the process. His testicles leak, and his penis hurts like a motherfucker, pissing blood and cumming out dick-veins. He screams and curses and calls his dad a fag for making him fall asleep halfway while cumming. 

 :“How dare you call me a fag! You rude fucking asshole!” says father, dragging his son into the bathroom and pulling off his pants: “You make me angry. You make me so fucking angry that my penis is standing up straight right now, yeah it's up so straight and hard, I'm putting in you oh yeah ah ah ah ah……” but a piece of faeces from his son’s anus clogs up dad’s dick-tube and sensing something is wrong, the father pulls his dick out of the son’s ass. After 15 minutes of masturbation father finally cums out the piece of cum-soaked shit on the bathroom floor. 

 :His sperm impregnates the shit, and a lump of fleshy shit-like skin develops around the talent agent’s bathroom sink. The talent agent watches the biological development of this shit/skin heap, fascinated. Nine months later the shit grows into a brown baby nigger boy. The family loves him with all their heart but unfortunately… there’s a pipe protruding out of the infant’s head. 

 :“Damn I knew I should have put him in an incubator.” mutters mother. She pulls him off and his skull bursts, spilling nigger brains on the floor. Sister and brother mush up his brains and stuff them up mother’s anus, as lubricants. Her anus is lubricated so well with nigger brains that she sticks an umbrella, a torch, a fishing rod and two hockey sticks in it. Then she realizes that these objects aren’t hers, they’re her neighbour, Mrs Brown’s, so she pulls them out and returns these objects, shit-stained to her, apologizing profusely. 

 :Mrs. Brown complains, calls mother a Satan-worshiping bitch and Dad gets mad at this and rapes Mrs. Brown and her 3-year old son. He has to cut her son’s asshole with a scissors to enlarge it because his dick is so huge. His dick is so long that when he sticks it up his anus it pokes out at the other end of his mouth and when the