Why Nice Guys Have Better Relationships Than Jerks!

Also, if you don't mind, I'd like to continue referring to "nice guys" as NGs in my post too, all copyrights go to Con of course (lol). Here's my retort: Con made some extremely good points, picking apart the "commonly-held definition of nice guys. " I'll even go as far as to say she even opened my eyes on a few things, including the fact that although Persona A is a narcissist, he still has qualities that make him likable otherwise he would not pack out his parties. However, there are some major things my opponent didn't address (or accidentally overlooked) and I'd like to make them the focus of Round 2. The majority of my opponent's post was spent deconstructing our society's view on what a NG is. As a result, she unintentionally made a pretty inaccurate generalization of NGs. Yes, they're kind, generous, compassionate, and good listeners, but she also said they're nice because they want something in return. In other words, they are NICE GUYS WITH AGENDAS! These men are the ones who say, "Hey I'll be really nice to this girl and it'll get her to have sex with me" and then turns into a jerk when he gets rejected. He starts thinking, "Well if girls don't like me being nice I'll be a douche instead" and then still gets rejected when he acts like a douche. Let me tell you, here and now, that these are NOT (I repeat NOT) nice guys. They are jerks, narcissists, or "f*ckboys" who know they can't maintain, let alone get into, a relationship unless they portray a NG. Believe it or not, there are genuinely NGs out there. More than likely, it's one of those "guy friends" the women uses for emotional support when her relationship with a jerk isn't going well. What makes them genuinely nice though? Well, the true NGs aren't just nice to hot (or subjectively attractive) girls. They are nice to everyone: men, women, children, elderly, janitors, cops, priests, the annoying neighbor, random people who comment on Youtube videos, the guy who bags the groceries, and even your ex . .. . okay maybe NOT your ex, but you get the idea. They aren't just nice to hot girls and treat everyone else like crap. No, they're nice to everyone because, and catch this, they feel GOOD doing it. I can attest to this. I get great pleasure helping those who are struggling and seeing them reach a level of success. Sure, you can say I do it so I can get the praise of being the one who helped them, but how often does that happen? That's why I say NGs, at least the true ones, are selfless. Meaning, they don't expect anything in return; they just help people out because they like it. Secondly, she mentioned the following in her post: "A good man will be able to hold a relationship if the conditions are right. "Jerks" can hold relationships well if they so wish to as a result of the attributes I just named off, and of course, if there are problems, a woman could turn to one of her guy friends for emotional support. That's normal. " I think it's clear that anybody can have a relationship. However, the question isn't "who has a better chance at getting a relationship" because, like Con so eloquently stated, it all depends on what the women wants and/or needs. The question is "who can have a BETTER relationship with women? " and that unfortunately was not addressed in her post. To answer that question, we first need to look at two questions people ask when defining a good relationship: 1) "How long does the relationship last? " This is the WRONG question to ask. I've known people to stay in relationships for YEARS and hate every fiber of their companion's being. Why do they do it? Perhaps it's because they had a child, they need financial security, they need a roof over their heads, they have low self esteem and think no one else wants them, or maybe they feel like the jerk will become a what . .. exactly. A nice guy. Case in point, Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee. In the 1990s, these two were married for years, even going as far as putting out a sex tape for the whole world to see. In 1998, Tommy Lee was arrested for spousal abuse, apparently kicking his wife, Pamela, while she held their child in her hands. You'd think she'd leave him after that, right? No! They got back together. Now, they eventually called it quits, but not before going through a series of reconciliations. It doesn't take a genius to know this is NOT a good relationship. It's very toxic. Just because it lasts long does not mean it's good. 2) "Is the relationship toxic or beneficial to the people involved? " This is the RIGHT question to ask. I'd like to draw our attention to Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith. These two met one day in 1994 and started dating not too long afterwards, becoming his wife in 1997. It's been over 20 years and they are still going strong. Why? Here's a quote from Jada herself: "It"s not just about loving someone. It"s about understanding, acceptance and compassion. " If you've seen his interviews, you'll know that Will Smith is without a doubt one of the nicest people in the world, even donning the name "Mr. Nice Guy" in the eyes of his Hollywood colleagues. For any beneficial relationship work, there are essentials you need and those essentials can only be provided by NGs. The kind of relationship where both partners are growing as both individuals and as lovers. The kind of relationship that inspires others to do better and even aim for something similar. Sure, you'll have bumps in the road, but the best people are able to work through it -- like the Smiths. So yes, while there are some NICE GUYS WITH AGENDAS out there, not all NGs have agendas. With that said, nobody wants to live in misery and, 9 times out of 10, that's what you'll be getting with jerks.