Traffic lights either need to be replaced with humans, or manually operated.

I am always ready to discuss the vexed issue of traffic congestion so I am very pleased he posted this debate. Now, I expect my opponent thinks he's onto to a sure-fire winner with this one, after all, we all hate waiting at the lights don't we? . "This'll be an easy win," he's probably thinking: "a traffic light on red is about as popular as a ginger son-in-law. I can't lose, Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Ha. " Well, not so fast, Sonny-Jim, that's what I say. I've got some pretty convincing arguments against your proposal and here they are: 1 – Time efficiency. My opponent noted that traffic lights have no "common sense" and suggested having "an actual brain at the helm" to control the traffic instead. In that case, why suggest a traffic cop as an alternative to a set of lights? This would be patent madness. The lobby of your average police recruitment centre looks like Charles Darwin's waiting room. Everybody knows that candidates with even with the meanest of intellects, the merest modicum of a suspicion of a scintilla of brains, are not allowed to become police officers. And traffic cops are the most retarded of them all. . http://query.nytimes.com... . http://www.youtube.com... Just look at that frothing nutjob directing the traffic on the video clip! And look at the pictures of what happens when they try and negotiate road junctions themselves: . http://www.bbc.co.uk... . http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk... . http://www.telegraph.co.uk... . http://farm1.static.flickr.com... On the other hand, traffic lights are controlled by computers which are infallible and are becoming ever more sophisticated. Some traffic control systems are now even use artificial intelligence and virtual common sense to optimise the flow of traffic at junctions. . http://www.ercim.org... 2 – Anger Management. Of course, sitting at a red light is frustrating. But remember, when it turns green, it will be someone else's turn to wait. No doubt the sight of some sucker is sitting in his car, fuming with rage and swearing at the red light because his boss threatened to fire him the next time he's late would cheer you up. You might even take the opportunity to give him the finger as you drive by. Why not? And let's not forget the alternative is a traffic cop. Now everybody knows that most police officers are corrupt. That means that they will wave through toffs, snobs and other particularly posh people that have bunged the Department a few quid in exchange for "special dispensation for priority road-users". How angry would that make you? You have been waiting at the junction for ages when, at the beckoning of the bent traffic cop on duty, The Rt. Hon. Lady Muck wafts by in her gold-plated, diamond-encrusted Rolls-Royce Phantom Drophead Coupï¿½ on her way to drop darling little Montmorency off at the Royal Academy of Scholastic Achievement for the Sons and Daughters of Over-Privileged Posh Folk. That's right, you are late for work because The Filth made you give way to an aristocrat on the school run. 3 – Saving Gas. Most traffic lights are controlled in sequence. That means, if you catch one on red, you'll catch them all on red and if you catch one on green, you'll catch them all on green. The trick is to drive at a steady pace if they are on green and (contrary to what my opponent predicted I would say) to give it some welly if they are on red in order to catch the next set before they turn against you. But even if the traffic conditions prevent you from doing this, many modern cars are now fitted with automatic start / stop systems that cut the engine vehicle the vehicle is stationary. . http://www.citroen.com... . http://www.bmw.com... . http://www.theautochannel.com... 4 – Creating Jobs. Even though my opponent conceded that all traffic cops are as thick as mince, he seems to suggest that they are still more intelligent and quick-witted than a computer. If that's the case, why do military jets like the Eurofighter use fly-by-wire control systems? The fact is that a computer reacts quicker and makes better-informed decisions than a human. If you really want to create jobs, why not build an efficient and affordable public transport system that will tempt people out of their cars? 5 – Screaming. After spending the entire journey to work shouting and screaming, pour yourself a very large glass of Baileys Irish Whiskey Cream. This will not only soothe your nerves and your throat but will put a lining on your stomach before you hit the pub at lunchtime. So, unless my opponent comes back and promises that all traffic cops will look like this. .. . http://ecx.images-amazon.com... . .. I urge you to vote Con. Thank you.