Topic To Be Chosen During Debate

"The social norm (the way it is now) creates a large disadvantage for extremely shy and socially anxious guys." Though I do agree that the social norm today creates a disadvantage for shy, heterosexual men, I find this not the be a negative point, but rather, a positive one. More on this later. "It's just very hard for some people to overcome this social anxiety and and can lead to other conditions like depression (which could very well lead to suicide), when it could be solved by a nice girl taking the first initiative and realizing the guy may not be a social god." The situation described would only work out if a girl showed significant interest in the first place. Assuming that there was no such girl, and if it were the norm that girls asked guys out if they were interested, the hypothetical, socially challenged person in the example would be even more distressed. What was wrong with him that he wasn't being asked out? Without the notion that *he* would have to be the one to take action, it would immediately be assumed that he simply isn't attractive enough, or not only lacks confidence and social skills, but whatever other attributes he displayed were not good enough at all. "A girl who wants to go out with a particular guy, but is too fearful of violating our current social code (in that a girl should wait for a guy to come to her) will no longer be burdened and will thus have the mental freedom of being able to start a relationship at her own convenience rather than merely have to wait for a "ridiculous" amount of time." This would be the other alternative. In our system though, girls do flirt to show their interest. If the guy is so socially awkward and lacks so much confidence that he can't bring himself to ask the girl out despite all the flirting, would the girl really like him anyway? And if she does like him that much, why would social codes matter to her in that situation? Either that, or the girl herself is too socially awkward to flirt or display interest. In that case, no amount of re-balancing the courtship responsibilities between male and female could help the couple anyway. Our social code is not "Guys MUST be the ones to ask girls out", simply that "It is the norm for guys to ask girls out". The only situation which would benefit socially awkward guys is if a girl really likes the guy, despite all his flaws. Having it be equally the norm for girls to ask guys out wouldn't open a door for her, it would just be another push. Though a rather small and unnecessary one. Having responded to my opponent's points, I shall give my case for why our system would be better if the social expectation for asking someone out was NOT balanced 50-50 between the sexes. The social code my opponent is arguing against is not arbitrary, nor antiquated beyond objective use. It is rooted in our biology for men to be the ones displaying their worth and women to be the ones to make the choice out of several willing candidates. http://psychologytoday.com... This article is about courtship processes among animals. The first page contains sections about flirting in our society. Although both sexes have their own mechanisms for showing attractiveness, it must be noted that men in particular are focused on asserting dominance, and confidence. The example in the article is of your boss leaning back in his chair, his hands clasped behind his head and with his chest out. The article designates this as showing dominance over other men and potentially flirting with women. Women are biologically attracted to confidence and the attraction to alpha-male characteristics is rooted deep in their biology. Confidence, novelty, and means are all very attractive to a woman, and although we do like to tell ourselves that personality is important, it plays a much smaller role in the grand scheme of things. Confidence and alpha-male behavior in a man shows them their ranking in a social group. The higher the ranking, the better the environment for their offspring: http://www.wisegeek.com... I personally believe that shy and socially anxious men, while deserving of love just like anyone else, should still be given that hoop to leap through. The ones who can provide that will have no problem flirting with girl and asking her out. For lack of a better term, it is survival of the fittest. To argue that we should even the odds is to take away one of nature's preemptive weeding out techniques. In addition to that, deliberately changing the system just to cater to the population of men who are insecure and socially awkward is potentially harmful to their growth. Socially awkward people usually don't stay socially awkward. Love is usually a strong enough driving force to get them to show confidence in that first leap off a clip. What doesn't kill them will make them stronger, and if they get rejected, they'll feel better knowing they did it anyway. If they hang onto the notion that girls will ask them out if they are interested, it is akin to depending on training wheels on forever. The confidence that comes from asking girls out as a habit leads in to other parts of your life as well. I speak from experience, having been an extremely awkward and socially inept person myself. When I finally got up the nerve to ask my crush out, and got rejected, the relief and sense of accomplishment more than made up for the feeling of being rejected. From there, each subsequent "failure" hurt me less and less, until I managed to pass rejections off as a joke. From there, I also developed socially. More people talked to me, laughed with me, I was hanging out with bigger crowds and a larger variety of people. Being exposed to more people meant getting more people to like me, and from there, I also developed enough confidence to actually flirt blatantly with girls I *just* meet, and when I finally met my special someone, I snagged her hook line and sinker ;) (Also part of the reason why I've been absent from the forum for so long, Are you reading this Gloria XD?)