Poachers are the Worst

Oh man I completely understand! Poachers are terrible! I mean, like my opponent said the Earth is faaaar more valuable than humans! I mean, humans are disgusting, evil creatures. Hey, what did the Earth ever do? The Earth didn’t impregnate my sister when she was 15! The Earth didn’t cause World War II! Heck, the Earth is way nicer than humans are. Psh, so the Earth causes tsunamis, and hurricanes, and tornados, and earthquakes, psh, so! Anyways, man the Earth has always been so good to us and poachers are one of the absolute worst things in the existence of everything because they hurt our Earth! There is only one thing I know that is worse than Poachers. Gingers. My goodness don’t even get me started on Gingers. Always whining about how they “Do have a soul” and that they just wish they could be “A real boy” . They whine and complain day after day just because they can’t accept one simple fact! Even more to that, every time you keep telling them they don’t have a soul just trying to get them to accept the truth they explode into a fiery rage destroying and polluting our Earth, and killing innocent babies in the vicinity! (1) In a recent interview with DDO member Massivedump (2), one of the few great ginger philosophers who accepted their soulless nature and fiery ways, we learn about the difficulties that gingers bring to this world. (3) Interviewer: Massivedump, could you please explain the science behind the spontaneous fiery combustion that many gingers experience? Massivedump: Why of course! You see, the pigments of our hair actually absorb solar energy, and store it. This is what gives us our red color. This energy s stored until one of two things happen. Either this energy is released by external emotional means of the ginger, for example, anger directly triggers the energy from the pigments to be released. The other way this energy is released is by the very pressure of the energy stored in the pigments to become too high, and cause spontaneous combustion. Interviewer: Have you ever experienced either of these two things happen to you? Massivdump: Yes, sadly I have. One of these things will be experienced by a ginger about 14 times in the average lifetime. All of these have varying degrees damage done depending on the amount of pressure that has built up due to solar energy stored in our hair. Interviewer: Ah, I see. Now, lately there has been a lot of talk about gingers and how they affect the environment. The government has been thinking about actually banning gingers in order to clean up the environment and hopefully stop global warming. What are your thoughts on this? Massivedump: Although I most definitely do not agree that gingers should be banned, it is true that there is hard scientific evidence that gingers are the cause of global warming, and many other negative environmental factors. In fact, 78% of all forest fires have been the cause of gingers. This is terrible seeing that it destroys animal life, habitats, and good wood we could use for our society. In terms of global warming, scientific studies have shown that global warming is largely contributed to gingers and that by killing off the entire ginger population we could stop the polar ice caps from melting all together. There you have it folks. Proof from the great Massivedump that gingers are basically terrible. Let’s look at the bad things for poachers, and we’ll look at the bad things for gingers. Poachers Poaching kills animals. Gingers Gingers start most wildfires, therefore killing more animals, destroying more habitats, and killing off more plants than poachers. Gingers kill babies on accident due to combustion. Gingers are the main cause of global warming. Gingers have no soul. Alright! My case has been stated. Gingers are far worse than poachers. Sources http://www.gingerfacts.org... http://www.debate.org... http://www.thegingerlife.org...