Resolved: Vagina Day should be a national holiday

My opponent highlights the supposed plight of women but we should ask ourselves why we perceive that women suffer so much. The answer is that they never stop complaining. Whinge, whinge, whine, whine, moan, moan: they never get tired of carping on about how hard they're lives supposedly are. "A woman's work is never done" they grumble, but if that's true who are all those women's shows on daytime TV aimed at then? The advertisers wouldn't fund them if nobody was watching them. The fact is, these days, housewives have it even easier than ever what with modern appliances such as vacuum cleaners, microwave ovens, washer/dryers, dishwashers, food processors, they hardly have to lift a finger around the house. Furthermore, with the wide availability of ready-prepared meals and affordable clothing housewives no longer have to cook or sew. So, instead of doing something useful they lounge about all day watching TV or go out and spend their husbands' hard-earned cash on clothes, shoes and make-up. It wouldn't be so bad if husbands had nice sexy wives to come home to but most don"t because the majority of women - 62% inAmerica- are overweight, just because they have so little physical work to do. No wonder strip clubs are booming these days. Now, to address my opponent's specific points in turn. "Why should women get a holiday when others dont?" This is positive discrimination gone mad. True, blacks get a public holiday in America, but women already have Mother's Day, and although it's not a public holiday, they still get cards, presents and breakfast in bed. That should be more than enough I would have thought. "Why does it have to be called vagina day? why cant it be called women's day or something?" "Vagina Day" sounds a bit clinical, don"t you think? Why not something a little more poetic like Lady Garden Day, Hairy Clam Day, Gates of Heaven Day or Map of Tasmania Day? "When would Vagina Day be?" A week before Valentine"s Day is just about the worst possible day: think about all the time, effort and expense men will be expected to go to in order to appease their womenfolk on Vagina Day only to have to waste even more time and money buying chocolates and flowers a week later. "Why cancel work on that day?" People would always welcome a free day off work and, therefore, might vote for my opponent"s plan for that reason alone. My opponent might as well have proposed a "Cowboys and Indians Day" or "Hamburger Day" or "Raccoon Day" or "Atom Bomb Day" or "NASA Day" or "College Shooting Day" or "Soda Pop Day" or "Tornado Alley Trailer Park Day" or "Hollywood Day" or "Wall Street Greed and Incompetence Day" or anything else all-American. "How is it celebrated?" Giant balloon vaginas? My opponent hasn't thought this through. The last vagina I checked had a gash right down the middle of it and, clearly, this feature would not aid buoyancy in a balloon. And, while there have been some great women through the years but there have been some rotten ones too: let's remember Elizabeth Bathory, the Blood Countess, who tortured and killed hundreds of young girls so that she could bathe in the blood of virgins in order to keep her younger, or the 'Bitch of Buchenwald' who was the wife of Karl Koch, a Nazi concentration camp commandant, and who reveled in torture and obscenity, or the evil tyrant Margaret Thatcher who brought misery and despair to millions of decent, hard-working British people through her vile political campaigns against the working classes in the 1980"s and 90"s. These women all had vaginas and, as such, would be celebrated, but to do so would be an insult to the memories of their victims. Finally, fireworks would be wholly inappropriate: as a feminist studies graduate once expalained to me, fireworks are phallic symbols which rape the sky and pollute the air that women have to breathe. Thank you.