Jokes Battle

1. There was a nice lady, a minister"s widow, who was a little old fashioned. She was planning a week"s vacation at a popular campground. But she wanted to make sure of the accommodations first. Uppermost in her mind were bathroom facilities, but she couldn"t bring herself to write "toilet" in a letter. After considerable deliberation, she settled on "bathroom commode," but when she wrote that down, it still sounded too forward, so, after the first page of her letter, she referred to the bathroom commode as "BC." "Does the cabin where I will be staying have its own "BC"? If not, where is the "BC" located?" is what she actually wrote. The campground owner took the first page of the letter and the lady"s check and gave it to his secretary. He put the remainder of the letter on the desk of the senior member of his staff without noticing that the staffer would have no way of knowing what "BC" meant. Then the owner went off to town to run some errands. The staff member came in after lunch, found the letter, and was baffled by the euphemism, so he showed the letter around to several counselors, but they couldn"t decipher it either. The staff member"s wife, who knew that the lady was the widow of a famous Baptist preacher, was sure that it must be a question about the local Baptist Church. "Of course," the first staffer exclaimed, ""BC" stands for "Baptist Church." "And he sat down and wrote: Dear Madam, I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take the pleasure in informing you that the BC is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late. The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now there is a supper planned to raise money to buy more seats. They are going to hold it in the basement of the "BC." I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely no lack of desire on my part. As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather. If you decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time, sit with you, and introduce you to all the folks. Remember, this is a friendly community." 2. No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses (viri?) do: 1.They replicate quickly -- okay, Windows does that. 2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so -- okay, Windows does that. 3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk -- okay, Windows does that, too. 4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too. 5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with Windows, too. Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So, Windows is not a virus. 3. There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level. Stuff that will make them scream, cry, and howl in pain and anger!" He then got a job writing error messages for Microsoft.