My brother in Christ is wisely seeking counsel to help him grow in his faith. He has good questions.

Brother, thank you for taking your time to make this arrangement. I am truly thirsty for understanding the scriptures both spiritually and mentally. Many people in the church tell me that I should just simply believe and with deep sorrow, it does make me frustrated. I know there are those that find it easy to take the words straight to the heart as the truth. In my case, I have always been a logical/rational thinker in which I comprehend and learn only through facts and experience. I have so many questions, and these are only from the amount that I have studied of the scripture (maybe one-third at max). So, without understanding fully, I fear that I may fall into a state of massive confusion if I were to simply read through the bible as other good fellow Christians do. I am personally not a huge advocate of doctrines, meaning that I do not differentiate a Christian from another due to doctrines. However, in my personal studies, I have found that there are quite some differences that may be more substantial that what most people may perceive. I have been a member of various doctrines such as Presbyterian, Protestant, Baptist, and etc. Before taking my serious attitude to understand God, these doctrines meant nothing, yet now knowing that they are quite different in their teachings, I am confused. So dear brother, please give me some insight, and maybe it will help me to resolve some of my questions to seek a closer relationship with God. To begin with, and please correct me if I am wrong, although there are various differences between the doctrines, one of the most major differences is the perception of divine plan, which eventually would lead to free-will. To take it step by step, I'll start with God's divine plan. I believe you have read my previous debate post so I will eliminate the definition and such. So, since I am a selfish human being (no sarcasm intended), I naturally link the divine plan to how my life is to play a role in it. In my doctrine (Presbyterian), each individual's life is simply predetermined even before my existence (I guess as whatever I was in the voids of dust??). This is especially bothersome because my dreams are grandiose, and one that is far different from those of many others. Yes, everyone has different dreams, but mine is simply utmost ridiculous. But, the truth is that it feels so real to me and deep inside I feel that this is my calling of some sort. Getting back to my point, the reason I brought this babble up is to ask you, brother, how predetermination is to mix into our personal dreams. God has his will, and no matter what, his will is to be done because he is an almighty God. For example, a man who is predetermined to become a Pastor/Reverend/Servant of God who dreams of becoming an architect or a musician, how is this man supposed to live in happiness (which is what I believe God wants of us)? One part of the scripture says that to live as a Christian means to uphold the crucifix (hence, a life of sacrifice and servitude) while other parts say "ask and you will receive." It eventually led me to comprehend it as "I can ask all I want but eventually it won't matter because God will do what he has made me to be." Since I do both love and fear God, if this is the case, let it be, but I just can't see this from a creator who advocates love above all. This leads to free-will, for everything we do is free-will. Simply put, it was intended as a gift, but now its a curse. So, in my doctrine it teaches that every action is free-will yet one that was planned/bound to happen. In other words, my debate/questionnaire that I am writing to you write now is also my free-will which was planned/bound to happen by God. When I was enlightened upon this during my fellowship, I just stood up and went home. It was not out of disrespect or anger but simply due to having the thought that I am a "byte" living in a computer system. Hence, my life, my actions all are programmed? Yes, people say that its not like that, because God loves us but lets face it; the Divine plan is the computer and I am one of many bytes making it possible. If my thoughts on this is wrong, which I truly hope is the case, I do feel that my relationship with God will strengthen. Yet, as of now, I feel like a lab rat of some sort... Brother, I know I have babbled on and on, and I hope you understand. Religion/Faith itself is already quite abstract, but finding words to explain the doubts in my head... this is just a whole other task of greater difficulty. If you can, please give me some of your thoughts and insight on your understanding of the 1. Divine Plan, 2. Free-will, and 3. How you perceive yourself to be part of all this.