Serious relationships are better than just dating

Hi there, Thanks for posting this debate. It looks to be a fun and relaxing discussion, while still quite interesting :) I'll also say at this point that I agree completely with the rules you've set forth. I plan on being as respectful as possible. Just for the sake of clarity, I propose that we agree on definitions before properly engaging our discussion. I've found myself, on various occasions, in a situation where a disagreement I have with someone during a discussion really just comes down to semantics. That is to say, we agree fundamentally but just misunderstood what the other meant when they used certain words or phrases, etc. Tell me in your next reply whether or not you agree with the following, and, if not, what you propose. 'Serious Relationship' - Any connection of an emotional and/or sexual nature between two or more consenting people with the intention of remaining exclusively devoted to each other for as long as possible, potentially for the rest of their lives 'Dating' - A social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehand with another person [1]. For the purposes of this discussion I think 'dating' should refer more to 'casual dating', ie. a pseudo-romantic interaction between two people sexually attracted to each other who both agree beforehand, either formally or in an unspoken sense, that the nature of the relationship is just for fun and will hold no long term future. (In a nutshell - social engagements and activities without the emotional investment). ============ Beginning the discussion ====== Firstly I'll start by saying that I don't see either side of this as definitely right or definitely wrong in a universal sense. I think that serious relationships are often better for some people and in some situations and dating better in others. I want to argue that serious relationships are more rewarding and more mutually beneficial, all things considered, but I concede right from the outset that it may very well be the case that my argument should simply be disregarded in some cases, though not the majority. I also think that my opinion on this matter (as well as everyone else's) is very subjective. For example, personally I've had a better experience in longer term relationships than I have in casual interactions so I'm more bias towards them. However, it's entirely conceivable that someone may have had bad experiences in abusive relationships or experiences of infidelity and be equally bias in the other direction. Regarding your first point (#1) about cutting off other potential people by embarking on a serious relationship with one person, I don't fully see the force of this argument if you're proposing that the alternative should be retreating from serious relationships altogether and only dating people. It seems as if you're saying that to engage in a serious relationship with one person means cutting off any potential you might've had for a more rewarding serious relationship with another person, but at the same time your main argument is that serious relationships aren't worthwhile compared to dating. It would be like me arguing that serious relationships are better because to date someone is to restrict yourself from potentially better dates, while at the same time arguing that dating isn't the advisable way go overall. Essentially, to do anything in life is to leave out other things, that's the way life is. If I choose to holiday to a particular country, I am at the same time choosing not to holiday to every other potential country at the same time. I agree with the second part of your first point though, that if a serious relationship turns bad it is more devastating to break off than a casual dating encounter would be. However, in my opinion, this is because we've just lost something worth having as opposed to losing something meaningless. I feel one could equally argue that it's not worth owning a nice car because it would be more devastating if it got wrecked, or not worth owning anything remotely expensive because it would be more devastating if it got stolen, and so on. I do, however, concede that it is probably in most cases preferable for younger people (ie. teens and early twenties - which, ironically, includes myself lol) to go for dating rather than serious relationships for a limited time in order to fully gauge what they want out of a partner and (in the case of heterosexual relationships, which is all I'm qualified to speak for) to learn a little more about the way the opposite sex operates in relationships. It really is the case (not literally of course) that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, neither is better or worse, they're just so completely different. However, I think that dating is only really beneficial in a very limited time until people mature, and then serious relationships should be the primary focus of one's romantic and sexual desires. I'll concede your second point (#2) almost entirely at this point I think. In my experience friendships do definitely suffer when romantic and sexual interaction is mixed in. Not even just for the two parties involved, but for wider groups of friends. For example, a tightly knit group of say four friends. Two of the people in the group become romantically interested in each other, temporarily excluding the rest of the group, to the detriment of the other two. Also if/when they break up, the group cohesion will not be the same. The other two will more or less have to almost choose favourites as the former lovers won't be so comfortable spending time together. (At least, this is my experience). So, taking your second point on board, I'd say that serious relationships are still the best way for someone to channel their romantic and sexual desires, but that it should perhaps not be with a close friend unless you're willing to take that risk. Additionally, I don't think it should be with someone you closely work with either because in the event of a breakup you would still have to see each other at work, or someone would end up leaving their job to avoid it. I don't feel this concession hurts my case though; Serious relationships are still infinitely more fulfilling, in my opinion, but not with everyone, and not with out risk. However, to win without risk is to triumph without glory. Briefly regarding your third point (#3), I wouldn't consider those things a hassle for the most part. I'd personally consider it time well spent going shopping with my significant other, or buying them gifts on special occasions. You don't need to spend a massive amount of money, just put some thought into what you're getting. As for the extra stress, that just goes with greater and more rewarding investment. It's natural that you stress and worry about something that is important to you, but it's not a point against not having it, in my opinion. ============ Points for further discussion ====== I'll just briefly (due to character limit) offer some points we might want to discuss, and for you to potentially explore in your response too: - Serious relationships provide a better framework for the raising of children, and children are the future :P - Serious relationships provide a more stable and reliable base for fulfilling sexual desires (that is, assuming you're like me and not the kind of guy that can take his pick of any girl he wants :P) - Serious relationships provide more of an emotional support frame. Let's face it, we evolved as a social species, and thus have a desire to be loved in various ways. The satisfaction you can get out of knowing that a significant other in a serious relationship cares deeply about you, constantly wants to be around you, and thinks about you frequently; It is unmatched by casual dating encounters, in my opinion. ============ References ====== [1] http://dictionary.reference.com...