We should move all Israelis to Canada.

RESOLUTION: The United States of America should move all Israelis to Canada. INTRODUCTION: I would like to express my thanks to whoever accepts this debate. You may have noticed that it is only one round, which most likely means a win for you. I would also like to thank the audience and mean no offense to Canadians. No use of semantics please. Since I am American, I may use the phrase “we” instead of “Americans” at some point in the debate. ARGUMENT: For decades, Israel has been a topic of numerous debates. Many Americans feel it is their duty to defend Israel at all cost, which can be expensive. It is projected that the United States has given Israel $84,854,827,200 (1). Every year we attempt to keep our relationship with Israel going strong. However, this cannot go on. We are spending crazy amounts of money, and harming relations with other Arab countries. Obviously we cannot completely stop all aid to Israel without Christian and Jewish civil unrest in America. No, something else must be done. Our best course of action is to move all the Israelis to Canada. Canadians as you know are naturally a little kooky (2). We cannot blame them, how would you feel if you were in a constant state of cold? Anyway, moving the Israelis to Canada would have many benefits. Benefit 1: If the Israelis were moved to Canada, then we would no longer have to pretend to like Hockey. It is a well known fact that very few Americans actually enjoy the sport. The truth is that we are afraid that if we admit to disliking it, Canada will no longer supply us with maple syrup and bacon. Once Israel moves in, we can get our yummy syrup and bacon from them, or pay them off to tell us the recipe (you can’t bribe a Canadian.) Once Hockey is no longer a sport in America, we can put the extra money into getting bigger football, basketball, and baseball stadiums. Benefit 2: If the Israelis were moved to Canada, we would be able to have them close. What is the point of funding a country if you can’t visit them for tourism? What American in their right mind would take their family vacation money and go to Canada? It takes a very long time, and a lot of gas to drive to Israel. If Israel was close, we would have the best vacations ever. Israel has a lot of enemies in the Middle East, if they are closer to the United States, then they will not have to worry. Iran can then build all the nukes they can, or buy them from us! Benefit 3: If you have never been to Canada, at one point in your life you are going to wonder “Does Canada really exist?” I still am undecided on whether they actually do. You rarely ever hear anything about them. They are all so busy with their cheap healthcare and their bacon that they rarely step out of their cozy country. America is the biggest party country in the world, and it is like we have an eighty year old neighbor next door who won’t join. Boring. Once Israel moves in, then we will party non stop. They are always in the news, and will supply us with entertainment. We can move all the Canadians to somewhere we don’t want, like Alaska. Benefit 4: In every movie, the Aliens attack the USA. We need somewhere to flee to if such a thing ever happened. In Canada (now called Israelda) we would get to play in the thick snow while government officials had meetings on how we would take back our beloved country. We could all survive for months on their endless supply of bacon. Alaska (now Canada) would be right next door. So if the aliens get hungry for human flesh, we could farm Canadians to appease their hunger. Benefit 5: If we took care of Israel, we might gain God points. He would bless us greatly for taking care of His people. We could dig up the whole country and spread the dirt all across Canada, that way it is still the soil their ancestors were on. Closing: Some of you are probably thinking “Canada won’t go along with this.” I must say, you are wrong. Canadians are the most peaceful creatures known to man. They are bound by some unknown law that stops them from killing. They will have no choice but to do as we tell them, move to Alaska, or be exterminated. I would like to thank my opponent for this debate. Hopefully everyone can realize how great of an idea this is. Write your congressman, and tell him that we no longer want boring old Canada at our borders. This is America, and we do whatever we feel like. Definitions: (1) http://tinyurl.com... (2) http://tinyurl.com... (3) http://tinyurl.com... Sources: (1) http://tinyurl.com... (2) http://tinyurl.com...