Funny Joke Contest

Your whole family wears green and gold to church on Sunday. You refer to the Packers as "we." Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway. "Vacation" means going up nort' to Crivitz for the weekend. You measure distance in hours. You know several people who have hit deer more than once. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again. You use a down comforter in the summer - and gloves. You drive at 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. You think of the major food groups as venison, fish, and berries. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the Fleet Farm at any given time. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction. It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item even when you're in a rush because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town. You buy your Christmas presents at Fleet Farm. You know what cow-tipping is. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them. You define summer as three months of bad sledding. Your definition of a small town is one that has only one bar. Snow tires come standard on all your cars. At least 50% of your relatives work on a dairy farm. You have gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week. You can identify an Illinois or Michigan accent. You learned to drive a tractor before the training wheels were off your bike. Down South to you means Chicago. Traveling coast to coast means going from La Crosse to Milwaukee. The "Big Three" means Miller, Old Milwaukee & PBR. You don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Pabst Blue Ribbon. You know a brat is something you eat and Eau Claire is not. You were offended by the movie "Fargo". You have no problem spelling Milwaukee. You can pronounce and spell Oconomowoc. You know where Waukesha is and can pronounce it. You consider Madison exotic. You got a passport to go to Minnesota. Your ides of foreign culture is listening to Da Yoopers. You know what a bubbler is. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new machine shed. A Friday night out is taking your girlfriend shining for deer. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your blue spruce. You go out for fish fry every Friday. You can recognize someone from Illinois from their driving. You've seen a hodag. You know how to polka. Formal wear is a flannel shirt, blue jeans & a baseball cap. You used to think Deer Season was a national holiday. I'll slip another joke in here What's the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my dick up your butt You know Gotham is a real city. You can make sense out of the words upnort and Trivers. You decided to have a picnic this summer because it fell on a weekend. You can visit Luxemburg, Holland, Belgium, Denmark, Berlin, New London & Poland all in one afternoon. You only know three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup. You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit. You go to work in a snowsuit in the morning and return home wearing shorts. You've seen mosquitoes with landing lights. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car. You enjoy driving in the winter because the potholes fill in with snow. Your sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie. The local paper covers major headlines on 1 page, but requires 4 pages for sports. At least twice a year, your kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant. Your children describe their summer vacation out of state as a "trip to Door County." You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age. You have caught a fish in Lake Michigan and it glowed in the dark. You define swimming season as Labor Day weekend. Your snow blower gets stuck on the roof. You find 0 degrees a little chilly. The snow on your roof in August weighs more than you do. You have been involved in a "drive-by hay bailing". You drink "soda" and refer to your dad as "pop". I hope you read the whole thing and noticed the bonus joke I slipped in there.