Random Freestyle Writing

The Decoder Pt4Greg spoke before I had a moment to think, a serious and grim expression on his face."We presumed you dead"I collected myself. Greg sat behind his old heavy desk, the fireplace burning, three guards holding me. I felt tired."I'm sorry" I sighed "I was gone a week longer than planned.""We missed you" said Greg sternly."I'm sorry" I insisted."Margrita killed herself.""I'm s ... wait, WHAT!?"Greg softened. "Please, I know this must be hard to take, but..."I was overcome with grief and anger, though towards what I did not know. "How could she do this?" was all I could muster in between my sudden explosion of tears and memories of good times or dreams we had shared."She loved you very much" noted Greg "Your death shattered her.""No!" I cried "She wouldn't have. You're lying!"There was a long silence. I knew, somehow, that Greg told the truth, but how could I accept it?After a while, Greg continued softly "She did. Jess...""Not Jess!" I shouted "What have you done with her, you monster!?"The guards held me extra-tight."Jess tried to suicide after Margrita but failed" answered Greg "She is in our hospital."I cried loudly. There was nothing more to say. I just cried. Greg patiently let me for several minutes, though not breaking his stern gaze. I don't think there was an emotion I didn't feel, but my world was forever broken. There was no going back to my stable reality of the past. Margrita was the last friend I really had, and she was lost forever. Those happy times would never return. And I deserved it. I abandoned her, even if I never knew how she loved me.Eventually Greg spoke again. "I knew you were by the rock pool with that foreign spy, so...""Hang on" I interrupted "You said foreign spy?""Yes. Jacob Zazark. Isn't that right? Police told me they killed him shortly after he hid you. Anyway, I dispatched men to the rock pool in case you came back. That is why you are here. We all cared about you.""So Jacob wasn't involved with the murder of my parents at all" I whispered to myself."And Terra hates our guts now since you didn't show up to work" added Greg "Their drones are targeting us more now. Dozens have been killed."I came back to this world to be a good person. Now it seemed everything I had ever done brought only unhappiness and death. Even Jacob's code, built out of mine, left me feeling like a pretender inside and, now that I was released of it, a pretender outside. I had brought more destruction than any of the immoral beach-goers had a week ago. Greg still looked on me sternly. And I was sorry.I was so deeply sorry.If he could never forgive me, I would forever understand. I would have thanked Greg to kill me, for I did not desire to hurt anyone any more. A week ago I was but lost, yet blind hope and ambition took me to a place as heartless as any of the corporations ever were. I was a horrible, horrible person. Suddenly, the Florence seemed like a wonderful place, and that made me feel worse."What must I do?" I asked Greg.Greg sighed. You could see that he was on the point of tears himself. Then, his stern visage suddenly broke, and he cried with me. "If you want me to forgive you" whispered Greg "I will."Even the guards seemed to want to cry at the tragic sight. So much death and misery, though my heart was always in the right place."How could I let you forgive me?" I asked "How, when I can never even forgive myself? When I have brought such shame to the Florence? When I disrespected you all by not realising that love was right in front of my eyes this whole time, and all I could see was darkness? There is nothing for me here. All I can say is that I am forever sorry."Greg wiped tears from his eyes. "I cry every day for my fallen people" he sobbed "Yet I must forgive every day. How else can I live? Of all my forgiveness, yours would be most deserved. That you have taken responsibility now - means more to me than anything."Greg's words cheer me. But even in this broken world, nothing was more broken than my heart. Everything that my dear Kate had said was true. And now I had run from her like I had run from Margrita. Kate had been the only one to heal my heart before. Some strange feeling told me she wouldn't again, but I had to try. I always had to try."I think I need to go back" I said quietly.Greg nodded. Somehow, he understood. "I will always be here for you, if you need me" he said "All I ask is that this time, you remember to say goodbye."I smiled and hugged him right there. The guards did not stop me. Greg was an incredible man, and he deserved all my respect.Greg was true to his word. He had me taken around the Florence to say goodbye. Many tears were shed. Some people gave me cards, hastily drawn on torn wallpaper, but heartfelt all the same. I even began to regret leaving again, but I could not turn back. I saw Jess in hospital. She was in a very bad way. She couldn't speak, but I held her hand and said sorry. She gripped my hand like a vice. It was almost impossible to let go. At last, in the lobby, I said goodbye to the families who lived with me in my room. Other than at meals we rarely saw each other, but at our farewell it was like we had known each other every second of every day, not just in my life but in all eternity. I felt in that moment more at home at the Florence than ever. It was not a depressing sight any longer, but a cherished friend whose blessings I had long forgotten or ignored. I never knew how good I had it.Greg smuggled me back to the rocks, and his guards simply left me there at night. The moon was out, and the world, for all its chaos and contradictions, seemed beautiful. I realised there, standing on the rocks, that saying goodbye had already healed my heart.Greg and the others were still there in the background, watching me leave. Hesitantly I lifted up my arm, tears forming in my eyes. I didn't want to have to choose between Jacob's dream world and my life. All of a sudden, extending my hand into the void was a choice, not a responsibility. I loved Kate, and I believe in her heart she loved me. Once I would have said simulated heart, but Jacob's world of deception only made the truth shine the clearer. Kate's words were true. I knew that. I knew it with my head. I knew it with my heart. And I believed that with all I had.But Kate had also said I would be rejected and hated. Now, for the first time in a lost world, I felt loved.So was I real? Or was I fake?I remembered what Kate told me once. "Even if you can't change the world you can change your outlook. It's all about the heart."I won't pretend that I understood Kate, but I realised in that moment that I had read her completely wrong. I had thought she had said I couldn't change the world - I still don't know if she believed that. She was a wonderful contradictory person. But she had definitely said that my assumptions were wrong. I had assumed that the whole world was against me, and so I grew to hate the world with all its numerous problems. Never once had I stopped to explore the good in a world of pointlessness and idiocy.Slowly, I moved my arm back down and turned to my friends. I had at last done what Jacob did. By understanding his world, I at last decoded mine. I had found as good a meaning to life as I could ever have hoped for. All my tears were gone.Greg and I shared a smile. My life was not over yet, and before me was a whole world worth fighting for. At long last, having learned to say goodbye, I was ready not only to say sorry, but more importantly, to begin again. I owed it to Margrita. I owed it to my parents. I owed it to Greg. I owed it to Jacob. I owed it to Kate. I owed it to Jess. I had to trust in myself.I belonged there. And I forever will.I shook Greg's hand. I said no words for words had lost all meaning. I wanted to cry but couldn't, not in sadness but in joy.This was the beginning of a life. I only hoped it would be a life worth living.