love on first site is true

#1 My opponent wrote, "Love on first sight is inimical to any relationship of any form or fashion." To paraphrase using the definition of inimical. “Love on first sight is harmful or hostile to any relationship of any form or fashion.” Really? Harmful, hostile even… to any relationship you say? What about the relationship between a mother and her newborn baby. Have you ever seen and appreciated the beauty of this “love at first sight” relationship? Expecting mothers statistically have a 70% chance of experiencing “love at first sight”. New mothers experience a flood of oxytocin causing them to literally “fall in love” with their offspring sometimes even before meeting them. (Heathday, Chis Woolston) This oxytocin induced rush of euphoric love is hormonally driven and gives babies a far better shot at survival as the doting mother is absolutely devoted to the long-term well-being of her child. Would you say this instant initial bonding between mother and child is harmful or hostile to the relationship between mother and child? Oxytocin also plays a key role in the staying power of a romantic relationship. Professor Ruth Feldman (Bar-Ilan University, Israel) spent many years researching the oxytocin induced bond between mother and baby. However, what Feldman discovered when she turned her research to examining romantic love is shocking, to say the least “The increase in oxytocin during the period of falling in love was the highest that we ever found,” -Ruth Feldman Couples "falling in love" have about twice the amount of oxytocin pumping thru their veins as a pregnant women (Journal of Psychoneuroendocrinology). Further, couples with this intense Oxytocin bond were the same couples that exhibited staying power. They found the relationships formed in an oxytocin rich environment, communicated better and had a greater devotion to seeing their relationship endure. “Oxytocin was also correlated with the longevity of a relationship. Couples with the highest levels were the ones still together six months later. They were also more attuned to each other than the low-oxytocin couples when Feldman asked them to talk about a shared positive experience. The high-oxytocin couples finished each other’s sentences, laughed together and touched each other more often.” –Scientific American, Luciana Gravott, 2013 Additionally, research has found that when men experience this oxytocin high they feel more intense emotions, communicate better, make more eye contact, and are better at peaceful conflict resolution. (Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience) Would you now call this “falling in love” and accompanying oxytocin high a bad thing, or would you now say it is hostile to the formation of a relationship? These facts prove that the experience of “falling in love” or “love at first sight” and accompanying oxytocin high are actually rather beneficial and possibly even essential to the long term survival of a relationship? 2. My opponent stated, "love as I state is an action and ultimately a choice” “First of all Love is an action, when you find someone so attractive on first site that's only one part of love and the least important, Eros love. You have to trust and care and understand your partner in order to love them. You have to choose to love someone after you get to know them... -You can't "fall in love" because if you fall in love you will fall into a divorce.” You want to talk about divorce rates? Please take a look at the following graph. You will notice that the divorce rate spikes about five years after oral contraceptive (the pill) starts to become popular around the beginning of the1960’s. Note: the use of oral contraceptives induces a false state of pregnancy. Remember the women in the T-shirt test? They were most adept at smelling out the right genetic partner for viable offspring at times of peak fertility; conversely, when a woman is on oral contraceptives the ability to sniff out a partner with compatible (different enough) genetics is temporarily suspended and her oxytocin levels will not be able to hit the same peak as the woman who is “falling in love” who has twice the levels of oxytocin compared to a pregnant woman (oral contraceptives= faux pregnancy). Woman on the pill are found to be more attracted to those men more genetically similar to themselves, like family member similar, like a brother. What do brothers and sisters do? They bicker. And they don’t have sex. Does this sound like the marital problem you hear about prior to a divorce? This is such an issue that the scientific community is beginning to suggest that it may be in the best interest of the survival of your marriage for engaged women to discontinue oral contraceptives before they get married and then see how things works out. You said, “You have to trust and care and understand your partner in order to love them. You have to choose to love someone after you get to know them. You can't "fall in love" because if you fall in love you will fall into a divorce.” I am not discounting "trust, care and love", however, I am arguing that these characteristics, for a fact, are facilitated by the oxytocin surge that accompanies the "falling in love" or "love at first sight" experience. That these mechanisms are biologically coded and create the atmosphere for "trust, care and understanding". Many couples have lengthy, well thought out periods of courting and engagement, all while a women is on oral contraceptives. This has had an unforeseen effect that when the pill is discontinued, the woman finds she is not attracted on any physical/sexual level to her now spouse and neither partner has adequate Oxytocin levels. Now after all this work done has been done on the relationship, the wife feels sexual revulsion towards her husband and her man is not feeling so communicative (both effects of low oxytocin levels). Now, we have a divorce scenario despite time, energy and intent. Here is the happy alternative, we go back to the couples “falling in love” with the crazy high levels of oxytocin. Remember that research has found that when men experience this oxytocin high they; feel more intense emotions, are more communicative and woman on the same high are more demonstratively loving. Everyone is happy and the relationship has better staying power. All is fair in love and war, you brought the Bible up, so I will too. In a minute. But first. Did you know you have a second brain? It's true. Have you ever felt something was wrong despite the outside evidence you thought you had, and you could just feel it in your gut? Or had “butterflies in your stomach” when you saw that special someone? Our “second Mind” is in our guts (or bowels). It’s called the Enteric Nervous System; our guts are filled with about 100 million neurons, over 30 different types of neurotransmitters (same as the other brain), produces about 95% of our serotonin and sends messages to the brain (90% of the time) rather than the other way around via the vagus. So, when your gut speaks, your brain is smart enough to listen. It gets better though, oxytocin is produced and regulated in our guts. The power of oxytocin has an undeniably positive effect on our emotions and our ability to remain committed to a relationship or person (Scientific American, 2010). Now, I will fairly throw out a couple Bible verses for you, to give some insight on the importance of the guts or bowels. “Then spake the woman whose the living child was unto the king, for her bowels yearned upon her son, and she said, O my lord, give her the living child, and in no wise slay it.” 1 Kings 3:6(KJB) “My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him” -Song of Solomon 5:4 (KJB) Both of these references seem to refer to the bowels being an emotional center related to romantic love and reproduction. In the Song of Solemn you will see the woman’s bowels longed for her man and in 1st Kings the true mother of the child “yearned” in her guts for her baby.You may want to think twice before you disregard a very important and often neglected part of knowing someone; it comes from your gut, not your head. Your head sends input about your environment, including the people around you and sends this sensory information to your gut. Your gut in turn tells your mind some things, that may or may not fit with what seems rational to your mind. It is easily demonstrated, have you ever met someone and just known something wasn’t right, and known it down in your gut, despite all rational evidence, then it turns out, sometimes years later your gut was right. Regardless of religious belief, certainly your gut was created this way for a reason and not meant to be throttled and thrown out the window. By the way this is "her" response.