Stepmothers- An Evil to the Modern Society

First, young children have a different perspective. Their sense of fairness and justice is ego-centric. Not getting the cookie they want seems unfair. An older sibling or step sibling having greater freedom of movement where it is denied to the younger is deemed unfair from a small child’s point of view. A teenager gets clothing more often than a younger child due to growth, or a cell phone, the younger child not reciprocated in kind; this child sees it as favoritism toward the older child. Most things in a young child’s mind is measured on a black and white scale of equality, what one gets, the other should also receive, regardless of circumstance, need or age. This point of view clouds the child’s judgment on whether he/she is being treated with equal favor or love from a parent or step-parent. Little brother Joe got a pair of new shoes. I got nothing, not fair… Joe can sleep in late, I have to get up by 7 to go to school, not fair. Mom picks up Joe’s toys, I have to pick up my own, how is that fair? Mom (step-mom) hates me; this is how it goes in a child’s mind when things don’t go their way. For the purpose of this debate what is defined as “utmost care” and what the parameters of this entails has never been stated by my opponent. Nor a definition or description of “exploitation,” this could be anything from slavery, utilization of resources to victimization and manipulation at the expense of another. Also, the situation of step parenting has not been presented within a firm cultural context. It’s obvious that we come from different cultures. Hierarchal structures, division of labor, paternal responsibly and a child’s gender status within the family unit differs greatly from culture to culture. Response: The step mother does not have full say on the care of the step children in the household; the husband has input. Most women want a happy home where children and husband are cared for with love and affection. But as stated in the previous round, often the ability for, or lack of affection for care for a step child is not solely dependent on the woman but, the support she receives from her mate, extended family as well as acceptance from the child. Her efforts are sometimes futile with excess stress resulting in depression. Here she is not evil, she’s having difficulty coping http://tinyurl.com.... Without specifics on how a step mother exploits her step child, it cannot be addressed. Chore assignment can be seen as exploitive in the eyes of a child. Parent’s who live on farms have the expectation that children will help in the fields, that’s exploitive of child labor. Circumstances are not outlined. Statistically it has been found that“Contrary to expectations,” said Stewart D’Alessio PhD., “Our results showed that the effect of a child’s genetic status on the likelihood of physical injury was in the opposite direction as predicted by sociobiology.” In fact, the stepchildren were less likely to be physically injured than the biological children.” http://tinyurl.com... Not all step-mothers are evil. Wives (step-mothers) of widowers with children desire to develop an affection toward and to receive affection from their step children http://tinyurl.com.... If both parents are not on the same page the process can be very difficult http://tinyurl.com...The new woman has many new responsibilities without full status on what occurs in the home. “why would a father marry a specified beautiful and a hottie woman to be with him for his all life and does not this indirectly mean he loves that woman…”. The majority of widowed men remarry for companionship and love of a woman. A small few marry for the conveniences of having a woman in the home, for cooking, cleaning and child care etc. There are cultural differences and priorities on how or why a man takes on a new wife; it’s not always for love. It was not uncommon in rural America during the colonial era and beyond for a widower to take on a mail order bride for the sole purpose of caring for his children when the original wife passed. In exchange, the woman gained a roof over her head. Similar arrangements still occur in cultures throughout the world where a woman’s social/familial status are prohibitive toward obtaining a spouses or economic self–support is lowly.http://tinyurl.com..., http://tinyurl.com... p.8 For the most part, a man would not enter into a new union with a woman who was unfit nor willing to care for his children. The woman would only agree to the marriage if she had full intent on providing care and love for him and his children; she knows this will be part of her responsibility. Why would a woman agree to take on such a task then be cruel to the children? This would undoubtedly put stress on the marriage and create an unhappy home for the adults and children; it’s counterproductive. It does not serve any purpose for a step-mother to be unkind toward her step children. Dead biological mother's parents , they must think that the decision is up to their son-in-law to decide what to do and what not to do for the welfare of their grand children…… .” That is not always the case when the son-in-law takes on a new wife. Grandparents will always show preference toward the dead mother since it was their child, and compare the new step-mother against the natural mother. They can be very critical on the differences on how things are done and make it very difficult for the step-mother. She can be seen as not doing anything right and grandparents might meddle in the affairs of the newly formed family. Many grandparents are very involved in their grand children’s lives, especially after the death of their mother. Once the son-in-law remarries their interaction and position with the widower’s children lessens. Grandparents no longer have input on how the children are raised and cared for; some do not accept this change well. It took some time for my new mother-in-law to accept me and to recognize I was the woman of the house not subject to her authority and for her to realize my priority was her grand children’s best interest. We eventually grew to respect each other and became very close. This is contrary to your assertion. The title is “Stepmothers- An Evil to the Modern Society” implies all. Nowhere has it been stated by you, up to now, that of half of the step mothers are an evil to modern society. I negate this premise. Step mothers as a whole are not rude, exploitive or useless. It is a want for every step mother to love and care for her husband’s children; it makes for a happy marriage and home. If by rare chance only ambivalence results, she is hardly useless if the child’s needs are provided. Summary: I have more than adequately rebutted your assertions that step mothers are evil. It surely is a heavy role and responsibility for a woman to take on. It serves no purpose for a step mother to mistreat, her husband’s children. Their intent is for a happy home with loving embrace of a newly formed family. Age appropriate chores are fundamental in the development of self–reliance and responsibility and proven not to be a form of torture; although, the number and amount of time taken to do chores should not infringe upon the enjoyment of childhood. House rules and disciplinary measures are best decided mutually between both parents. The view of a step child that their step mother is evil due to disciplinary measure or chores is an affect in having someone to blame for an unwanted situation, rather than push back upon the father to which children are loyal; it has no basis in reality. The Cinderella effect is a fallacy.http://tinyurl.com... A new child in the household between the step mother and father does not result in a push-aside of the step children or lesser love felt toward them. Younger children require much more physical attention on the part of the mother. The same is true with in-tact families with older siblings. Children are not the best judges on what is best for them; their basis is on want not need. Their perception on fairness is self-centered which results in their rationalization that they are not loved or treated fairly by the step mother.