Lamest Joke Competition

Alright, thank you and good luck. Let me now put you in the place of listener and myself in the place of narrator. As i was recently on my travels around the world a man told me of a place where monks say they have seen the most beautiful thing in the entire world. So being a man of much curiosity, i decided i should see what it is. I set out to find these monks and soon enough i did. When i arrived at their encampment i was quickly greeted by an older monk. it looked like he was in charge but i couldn't be for sure. so i asked him if they had in fact seen what the most beautiful thing in the world. he quickly responded that they had in fact seen it. so i eagerly asked him to bring it to me. but it wasn't with them they told me. so i asked him to take me to it or at the very least tell me what it is. "Ah my son...I cannot do that." he said. "For you are not a monk. if you were to become a monk then i could take you to it." So being extremely curious, i quickly asked what i must do to become a monk. "You must pass three simple tests." He said. The first is that I had to carry a bucket of water three miles from the lake to the encampment. Easy enough. or so I thought. he then told me that in order for me to completely fulfill this task that i must do so without spilling a single drop of water. As i am young and quite foolish i still thought nothing of it. so i headed for the lake. I grabbed the bucket and filled it up without a thought. As i started to head back, i stumbled over a slight unevenness in the terrain and was forced to start over. so i went back and filled my bucket up once more. This time i made it a complete mile before i shifted the bucket and accidentally spilled another drop. Now for those of you who have never had to carry water I must say that it is quite tiring. I thought to myself what is the purpose of doing this? It doesn't make sense. Then I remembered the karate kid. you know...wax on wax off. so i begrudgingly made my way back to the lake. this time i set off with a newfound sense of fervor. I was determined to do it. As i walked along the path to the encampment i could feel the sun beating down on my back. i desperately wanted to drink the water but knew that would make me start over. so i trudged onwards. i finally reached the encampment without spilling a drop. truly excited i raced to the monk and asked to see the most beautiful thing in the world. but he shot me down by saying i still needed two more. i had forgotten that in my glee but figured the worst was already over. he led me to an opening where there stood about fifteen pillars roughly the width of a basketball. he said that if i could stand on one pillar for three days straight then i would pass the second test. i knew it would be tough, but being a college student i figured i could handle it. i mean i've pulled all nighters before and this couldn't be too much different. so i stood on that pillar for eight hours. it was growing dark and i must say that carrying that water was quite difficult and i was pretty tired. i swear i only dozed off for thirty seconds but when i awoke i was startled and lost my balance. so i was forced to begin again. cursing myself i climbed back onto the pillar. i stood there for a good twenty four hours or so. it was once again dark and i swear i saw something coming towards me. i'm no chicken but when i'm in a place i don't know at dark and see something that looks pretty scary i'm outta there. so i heroically ran away. but the third time i was once again determined to pass this test. i was going to truly be like the karate kid and practicing that flying kick thing, but he fell a lot and i didn't feel like starting over all those times. so i stood on that pole for a full three days. i didn't eat...i didn't sleep...and i didn't fall off. exhausted but eager to see the most beautiful thing in the world, i set off to find the monk. when i finally did find him, he told me that the third task was the actual part of getting to the most beautiful thing in the entire world. So we started to walk. We walked through forests and swam across lakes. We went all over the wilderness before we finally came to a mountain. "Surely the most beautiful thing is on this mountain" i said. only silence from the monk. we started to climb the mountain. we reached the top and once again i asked if the most beautiful thing in the world is close at hand. but once again i got no response. we climbed down the mountain and back up another. we climbed down that one and started to climb up another. finally i asked the monk "are we even close?" he told me that it would be at the top of the mountain. so i ran up the mountain as fast as i could go and there standing at the top was an enormous temple. with gold and jewelry all around. i'd never seen anything like it. "this must be the most beautiful thing in the entire world i thought. but the monk said that it was inside. so we came to the first door and the monk pulled out a set of keys that would make even the janitor to the world jealous. as he slowly moves from key to key finding the right one i look around and take in all the beauty. we finally get the door open and there before me is a room larger than the white house that gleams like the sun. surely the most beautiful thing in the world is close at hand. we go to another set of doors and repeat the process of the keys. is the most beautiful thing in the world on the other side of this door? i ask. yes, my son. it is. So he opens the door and at first i can't even see because of the light emanating from this room. then, after a couple of seconds...i see it. the most beautiful thing in the room. What is it you ask...well, i can't tell you...because you're not a monk.