If This House had a time machine it would kill Emily Bronte

In this Second Speech for the Proposition, we will set out the practical parameters of the motion before introducing our first substantive arguments. Parameters of the MotionThis motion assumes that mankind has somehow invented a functional time machine, which is capable of going both backwards and forwards in time. This debate is about whether or not humankind should give someone the authorisation to go in the time machine, with a gun, and go back to August 1845. At this point Bronte would be shot once, in a way that would make her death painless and instant. Proposition will seek to prove that this would do a great favour to humanity; Opposition should either refute or counter-prop. Substantive I: This would save Bronte from a painful death Before we address her writing of Wuthering Heights, which we consider to be nothing less than a crime against humanity, we would like to talk about the fact that Bronte met a very painful end. She died of tuberculosis in December 1848 but did so in an extremely painful manner. She was known to grow weaker and weaker by the day to the point where her condition became completely debilitating [1]. This motion, however, dictates that Bronte would be shot once and die instantly. We would thus allow her a much more dignified death, and a less painful one at that. Substantive II: There would be few negative effects on the timestream The Bronte family is a somewhat tragic one in that each member of it died very young - all of the Bronte sisters died before the age of thirty, for example. For this reason, Emily Bronte never had any children and was one of the last surviving members of the family at the time of her death. Therefore, we believe that killing Emily Bronte before she wrote Wuthering Heights would not lead to any 'grandfather paradox'-style repercussions which would be negative. If we were to kill Emily Bronte before she had the chance to write Wuthering Heights the side effects would only be positive ones - i. e. that this awful book would never have been written (see next substantive). Substantive III, part (a): Wuthering Heights would never have been written With all due respect to Miss Bronte, she was blatantly a psychopath, and this is reflected in her only novel. This is a novel which, for example, features a major character lynching a small dog; includes borderline incest; and contains graphic scenes of grave-robbing and necrophilia. So basically, Bronte was pretty messed up, and this is reflected in her writing. There are numerous good things that would come out of Wuthering Heights never having been written, which will be explored now. In essence, Wuthering Heights is the sort of incredibly damaging book that we should prevent from ever reaching the masses. Substantive III, part (b): Controversy at the time would have been avoidedAt the time of original publication, many thought that Wuthering Heights was little short of vulgar [2]. Stories even emerged of people vomiting and entering convulsions having read the book. My source cites an article in Graham's Lady Magazine saying that it would be an achievement to read the first twelve chapters of the book without developing suicidal tendencies. The conclusion we reach is that this book is nothing short of harmful and, frankly, evil. Had this miserable work of literature never been inflicted on the world, many people at the time would not have been so sickened, and many people would be spared the misery of reading it, both then and now (see part (c)). Substantive III, part (c): No student would ever have had to study Wuthering Heights Apart from the kid at the back of the class who likes to shoot things, no student has ever enjoyed analysing Wuthering Heights, both due to its graphic and disturbing nature and the fact that the plot makes very little sense. People drop dead like flies at a rate which in no way reflects the death rate of the time (albeit that the death rate then was higher than it is now). Many parts of the dialogue are written phoenetically, except badly - they are meant to resemble the Yorkshire accent but require a great deal of deciphering. The point is that no student should ever have to be examined on what they have learned from this pile of rubbish, the single most bizarre and nonsensical work in the history of English Literature. I've been there. It's not fun [3]. So, to conclude this speech, we have demonstrated that Wuthering Heights has brought nothing but misery and shame to the world, and for this reason it would be better if it had never been written. We have also demonstrated this will have very few negative side effects on the main timestream. For all these reasons, the Bronte's death is a necessary step forward for humanity.