Stepmothers- An Evil to the Modern Society

I don’t know where you obtained your percentages of 75% rude 25% nice step mothers. Good women don’t treat any child unkindly; that is not to say there are no unkind women, they do exist. When a new mother comes into the home it is an adjustment for everyone. She has to adjust to a new role with children who have been already imprinted by their natural mother. The step children do not accept her easily. You have not stated the age of the child, just a young age. This point is important. Our youngest was 7 when we became a family; she was the most difficult, not accepting me. She did not understand why she could not longer live with her mother (unfit). She was fiercely loyal to her natural mother. Any care or assistance offered her was met with a fight, from helping her zip a coat to brushing her hair. Her older sisters had to serve her meals because if I put it down, it would not be eaten. I had to let these slights go, In her mind taking anything from me was a betrayal of her natural mother http://tinyurl.com.... She also felt jealous of the time I spent with her father; she clung to him at every opportunity. She would push herself between her father and me when we sat on the couch. Her father was her security; she needed to be first with her father. We let her do this; eventually she did realize there was no competition between her and me for dad’s affections. The youngest was insecure about her place in the new household. We gave her the time she needed to find that security on her own terms. If her mother had passed away I feel I would have gotten the same resistance. You are from a different culture so it’s difficult for me to assess the family dynamic; but I do have a close friend who married a foreigner with 2 sons (mother passed away). Her husband did not allow her to parent his sons, only to provide needed services such as meals and clean clothes. She could not enforce rules, discipline or make any decisions regarding the boys, only he and the (father’s mother) grandmother were permitted this role. This was due to the husband’s hierarchal patriarchal culture. The boys were valued much higher than the new wife. She had to push her maternal feelings aside. The boys were overindulged. They saw how the step mother was disrespected by the father’s mother. They boys became very verbally abusive toward their step mother because they knew she held no authority, to the point she had to leave. Some step mothers might be jealous of the bond between the father and child http://tinyurl.com... , the step mother feels in second place; rudeness toward the child is the result. This is not right since children do need to some first. I don't think this behavior is the norm, but the exception. Most often from what I have read, (my situation being different) the bonding of the step mother to child does not have anything to do with either party, but with the lack of support that the step mother gets from the biological father and rest of the extended family. The biological mothers and father's parents come (grandparents) into play; the new step-mother is not always well received, and often criticized. These factors place a lot of stress on the step-mother; many suffer from depression as a result, which is seen as manifest upon a child as uncaring of unfeeling http://tinyurl.com.... Secondly, when a new child comes along, as with any new birth even in intact families, the new baby requires much more attention; older children might feel slighted because the focus is no longer on them. Feeding every two hours, endless diaper changes and lack of sleep leaves little time for a new mother. Older children are not any less loved, just not the center of attention. Step children especially view this as being put aside in favor of the new child, but that’s a child’s perception not necessarily the reality http://tinyurl.com... . I ask you these questions: Did the father support the step-mother in her role as a mother to his child or treat her as just a provider of essential services? How did the dead biological mother and father’s parents, along with extended family treat the step mother; was she welcomed and supported, or criticized? There are many factors on why a young child might not feel or get the love and caring from a step mother, be it real or perceived. Not all step mothers are an evil to modern society.