Lamest Joke Competition

Ha ha. Thank you. __________________________________ LAME STORY JOKES: There is a man that just got done eating dinner and he was on his way to a party. Half way there he said, "man i really gotta take a dump." he got off the freeway, found an abandoned gas station went in there and took a dump. While he was taking this dump he read a sign that said "There is no tolet paper... You have wipe your butt with your first two fingers, then stick them out the hole and they will be licked clean for you." Well, he had no choice so he wiped his butt with his fingers and stuck them out the hole. All of a sudden a guy with two bricks smacked his fingers. The man screamed with pain and licked his own fingers. ___________ A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his attractive blonde female neighbor, Judy, came out of her house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box, and again opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL." ___________ Joey and Katie are sitting in school. Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question. "Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?" Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil. "Jesus Christ almighty! !" Exclaimed Katie. "Correct." Says the teacher. So the next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up "Who created Heaven and Earth?" Katie (Again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil "Jesus Christ almighty!" she exclaims. "Correct again." Says the teacher. So the next day, for a 3rd time, The teacher asks Katie "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?" Katie (again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil again, and screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I am going to crack it in half!" __________________________________ CORNY "YO MAMMA" JOKES: Yo mamas so short she jumped in a puddle and drowned Yo mama's teeth are so yellow she spits butter! Yo mama's so short she does backflips under the bed! Yo mama's so short she does backflips under the bed! Yo mama's so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning! __________________________________ JUST RANDOM EXTRAS: One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor..... Atheism is a non-prophet organization. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? I went to a bookstore and asked the sales woman,"Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. What if there were no hypothetical questions? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? Is there another word for synonym? If a parsley farmer is sued can they garnish his wages? Would a fly without wings be called a walk? Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?? What was the best thing before sliced bread? One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? How is it possible to have a civil war? Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?! If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented? __________________________________ That was fun. Thanks! I hope you enjoyed the err "jokes". - Protagoras of Abdera