Story Writing Debate

A golden guard stepped through the door. "You," he pointed to Charlotte. Then he spotted me, and, seeming a bit shocked, said, "YOU!" He pulled us both up by the edge of our shirts. Thrusting my sack full of food and provisions over his shoulder, he announced to himself, "This would be good to serve the effort. Now," he continued, dragging us over to the action scene, "observe, kids." He gestured toward the man being shot, who was now backed into the corner. "That coward tried to run, and thought he could get away scott-free. That should serve as a lesson to the both of you," He paused, turned to me, and snarled the words, "especially you, boy.""Take her away," he said to a nearby guard, and Charlotte was snatched up by a large, meaty hand."Wha- what are you doing? Put me down! Put me down! HEEEEEEEEELP!!" she screamed aloud as she disappeared into a nearby corridor.I was dragged somewhere else, somewhere completely different. The guard thrust me into a room packed full of men and boys. All of them were doing rigorous drilling exercises, with only a few breaks to spare. They're training them, I thought. But what for?They shoved me in, and I joined the others. It continued for hours and hours, until I fell limp onto the ground. We got little to eat- and we had little time to talk. But when I got the chance, I would speak to people nearby. I recall one of them being a man older than me."What do you think they're doing to us?" I asked him.He took a long sigh, and answered, "Some say that the Authority wants to build an empire, and he needs a large army to do it. He plans to take over the entire world- and he wants us to be his soldiers." The man spoke with sad, sad, eyes."But we don't have to do what they say!" I pointed out. "We could rebel!""I don't know," the man continued. "Another man told me that the Authority brainwashes them, and turns them into one of his gold soldiers. He said he saw it himself- they forced someone to repeat the same words of praise to his new leader until it was all he could think." And with that, the man returned to drilling with the fear of being whipped if he didn't.I was later thrust into a room similar to the one Charlotte was in when I first came into the building. I needed to escape then, I thought. But I was so, so, tired. I couldn't move without wincing. I wanted to fall asleep.But I had to do something. I knew I couldn't climb out the window- there was no tree beside the window that allowed me to go down safely. The door was locked, so I couldn't escape there. However, there was a vent small enough for me to crawl through, and, wondering where it would take me, I stepped in. As I crawled through, I began to see the quarters of others like me. The place was well-organized, as men and women were clearly separated in terms of chamber locations. But when I passed all of the boys, I began to see hundreds upon hundreds of girls. After I witnessed many more, I eventually saw Charlotte. I poked my head out, and she gasped."Kyle?" she said, surprised. "How do you always find me?""You need to get into the vent. We're going to escape.""But-" I pulled her in before she could say anything else. We made our way through, seeing the others as unfortunate as us. "How are we going to get out of here?" questioned Charlotte."The vent has to end someplace," I responded. "Let's just keep going until we get near a door that leads outside, and then we can escape."Everything seemed to fall into place until I began to notice Charlotte staring at one woman in particular. She froze when she saw the lady with her same, curly blonde hair, except that she was extremely skinny from being overworked. The woman turned, and we could see her face. Then Charlotte muttered the bittersweet words, "That's my Mommy!"I knew that bringing someone else aboard would be a bit of a burden, but it was her mother, after all.As Charlotte poked her head out of the vent, the woman's eyes widened."Charlotte? Is that really you?"Charlotte nodded.Her mama smiled. "My, my. You've gotten taller over the past year, Charlotte. Look at you. Growing up so fast." Charlotte and her mom hugged for the first time in over a year. Charlotte explained everything that happened: how I came in and met Charlotte's dad, how she escaped with me, and how we eventually ended up here. She understood, and, being as skinny as she was, was able to crawl into the vent also. We didn't have much time for introductions, so I greeted Charlotte's mom briefly before we moved on. Continuing to crawl through the vent's metal jungle, we finally came across a door that led outside.But we were exhausted. We worked the entire day, and had little to eat. Going through the vent didn't help either. Our muscles ached. We came to a unanimous decision that we would have a better chance of escaping if we woke up refreshed the next day. We crashed that night...----When I awoke, I was sore. I was better than before, but my muscles ached. Charlotte and her mama must have been the same way. And alarms were sounding all around us. They must have found us missing. They knew we'd escaped.We frantically burst out the door we discovered the other night, until we were spotted by guards nearby. We ran as fast as we could. Outnumbered greatly, our trio would be doomed without something to help us escape. As sore and weak as we were, we wouldn't stand a chance against the dozens of guards that chased us.But when all seemed lost, we spotted a river, and a boat used to get across. There was only one; using it was probably something one did during their free time. Our group paddled across, leaving the guards behind us. We finally stopped and decided what we would do next."I remember a little bit about getting the way here," recalled Charlotte. Her mama and I agreed. "Maybe we could retrace our steps, and get back to my home."Our home," reminded Charlotte's mom, happy to be free from the horrible place she had been before."What about the boat?" I questioned. "It would be faster than walking, and we'd be safer on the other side of the river.""True," stated Charlotte"s mother. "Tell you what, you all remember walking along that path when you got here, right?"Charlotte and I nodded."Let's travel across the river as long as we can see that path. When we can't see it anymore, we'll go to the other side, and carry on foot. Sound good?"We all agreed. Then something struck me. I pulled out the pink walkie talkie. "Here. See if this works again."Charlotte hastily snatched it out of my hand, and spoke into it. "Hello?"The device remained silent for a second, until we perceived a cautious, "Hello? Is anyone there?""Daddy!" exclaimed Charlotte."Honey?" said her mom.The rest of the conversation was a blur to me. I just remember that while they talked, we managed to get into the boat, and drift closer to Charlotte's home. I didn't say much. I only remember that the path remained in our view for a while, and that there was much laughing, and crying, and lots of "I missed you"s.I wish I had my family back.But eventually, after everything was explained, the walkie talkie was put away. We got off the boat and started on the path, and made it back to where we originally started. Charlotte's house was the same as before, except this time, her father had tears of joy in his eyes, and he seemed more confident. What had happened to us had already been talked about on the walkie talkie, no questions asked. Charlotte's papa made us dinner, which was very nice after our long fast. We talked, and described everything in detail. I still remained quiet unless acknowledged, until Charlotte brought up the crucial question:"So, Daddy, what are we going to do now?"I felt the need to butt in. "Yeah. The Authority is taking in people to create an army to take over the world! What are we going to do?""Don't worry," he said confidently. "I've created an army of my own...