Joke Debate

1. One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?" "I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg." In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones. "Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin. "Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones. "God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin. "Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again. The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?" Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your @ss!" "Amen," replied the congregation. __ 2. Daddy and Mommy are fighting in the living room, right before their little son. Daddy : Oh!!! You B!tch! Mommy : What?? You Bast*rd! Son : Daddy, Mommy, what's B!tch and Bast*rd?? At this moment, Daddy blushes. He quickly thinks up of something. Daddy : It means Ladies and Gentlemen, Son. Son : Oh I see! 2nd Scene . . . Little Son was watching a TV show about premarital sex and there they mentioned the words 'bre@sts' and 'pen!ses'. Mommy was reading the papers. Son : Mommy, what's bre@sts and pen!ses? At this moment, Mommy turned blue, and quickly thought of something to say. Mommy : It means coats and hats, Son. Son :Oh I see! 3rd Scene . . . Daddy was shaving his beard and Son passed by the toilet. Suddenly, Daddy cut himself and screamed . . . Daddy : "OH SH!T!!" Son : "Daddy, what's sh!t?" At this moment, Daddy's eyes bulged, and quickly thought of something to say. Daddy : It means shaving cream, Son. Son : Oh I see 4th Scene . . . Christmas is approaching, and Mommy was stuffing the turkey into the stove. The turkey just wouldn't fit into the stove, so she said . . . Mommy : Oh FVCK! Son : Mommy, what's fvck? At this moment, Mommy froze. She quickly thought of something to say. Mommy : It means stuffing, Son. Son : Oh I see! 5th Scene . . . It's Christmas eve! Little Son exuberantly opened the door to let all is uncles, aunties, cousins and friends come into the house. Proudly, he said . . . Son : Welcome in, Bast*rds and B!tches! Please put all your bre@sts and pen!ses at that corner of the house! My parents are busy at the moment. You see, Daddy is putting sh!t on his face upstairs and Mommy is fvcking the turkey in the kitchen, but don't worry, they'll be out here in a minute!! Yo mama: 3. Yo mama so fat that when she was diagnosed with a flesh-eating disease, the doctor gave her ten years to live. 4. Yo mama so old that when she was in school, there was no history class. 5. Yo mama so old the candles cost more than the birthday cake. 6. Yo mama so old I told her to act her age and the b!tch died. Chuck Norris! 7. Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he just stares them down until he gets the information he wants out of them. 8. Chuck Norris turns on a night light when he goes to bed. It's not because he's scared of the dark - it's Because the dark is scared of him. 9. Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer; too bad he has never cried. 10. After taking a steroids test, doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from? Thanks to pro for an enjoyable debate!