Story Writing Debate

I was in complete and utter shock as I processed the situation. Charlotte... Got put into the same room that I was hiding in? What were the odds. Part of me didn't believe it. It was a trick, from the authority to try and bring me out of hiding. The idea seemed ridiculous, but my fear had authenticated the thought.I mused over what to do as the girl outside wept uncontrollably."Why did I run away?" She cried, angry at herself."I should have known this would be hopeless... And there's too many of them. How could I have thought I could ever take on the entire authority by myself...? And Kyle..."I gulped as I heard my name."Stupid Kyle!" She yelled angry at nothing. "If he hadn't abandoned me, this would have never happened. This is all his fault."I burst out of the wardrobe angrily."No! You can't blame this on me, you were the one that went and got yourself caught, you dummy!" I felt bad almost as soon as I had said the words. I didn't mean to be so harsh.But Charlotte seemed to shock to process what I had said. "KYLE!" She said, happily, and ran over to me and embraced me in a big hug.I blushed as the girl threw her arms around me. I awkwardly returned the hug, though a little less enthusiastically. Girls did have cooties, I was told. "Okay... Can we stop please?" I asked.She released her embrace embarrassed, and tried to look casual.But then her shock and curiosity set back in and she asked "What the heck are you doing here?"I grunted, and answered "Like I said, I came back for you Charlotte. I felt bad leaving you alone like that. How did you get yourself caught anyway?"Her expression looked shamed, and ash-fallen. "I didn't want to give up, just because YOU did. I was going to stop them alone. I ran into a group of them and tried to sneak up on them and..."I interrupted her abruptly "And do what!? What could you possibly do to a group of full grown soldiers?"She sighed, defeated. "I don't know. But I wasn't going to run away... Like you!" I ignored the accusation, and tried to be mature."Charlotte... Okay. I'll help you do this. But there will be some conditions, okay?" I said uneasily, wishing I hadn't agreed to help her."Okay, what are they?" She said wearily."Well the first one, is that you can't run off like that! If we are going to do this, we have to do this smart okay? I can't risk you getting hurt!"She nodded. "What else?""Okay the second thing is, that I need you to help me find my home after this. I can't stay here Charlotte, I miss my parents. You seem to know your way around his place pretty well. I need to go home, and I need your help. If I do this for you, will you promise to help me?"She smiled. "Of course! I'll get you home to your parents as soon as we've defeated the authority. Deal?""Deal!" I spit in my hand and offered it to her, as some of the kids I went to school with often did when they made agreements."EWWWW!" She shouted. I just looked confused."Your supposed to shake it..." I said, pushing my hand a little closer to her.She backed away in disgust. "Why in the heck would I do that?" "You know, to make the deal official!"She shook her head. "No. I am not shaking that hand, that is gross!""Fine!" I said, and wiped my hand on my pants.She sat down on the big bed, and sighed. "So now what?" she asked.I was curious. "What did they do to you Charlotte? Why are they doing this?" She looked solemn, and seemed to think about her response before speaking. Finally she spoke."They made me work... Against my will! There is a lot of women down there, Kyle. They are all hungry, starved, and sad. Some of them are dying. They whip the girls who don't work fast enough. Some are too old to work, but they don't care. They still make them mine, sew, clean, whatever duties they have, they make the woman do them. And they are so mean! They said I was to young to whip me, but they threatened to plenty of times. I kept refusing to work... They grabbed me and threw me down, and said mean things to me. I don't want to go back there Kyle! Please don't let them take me back!"I shuddered at the cruelty that Charlotte had just explained to me. "Was there any males?"She shook her head. "No, I don't know why. They take males too, but I don't know where they go."I thought about that for a minute."They said something about a recruit when they chased me up here. I wonder if that's what happens to them. I don't know."I said.I took a moment to size up the room, and look for a way out."Well how should we get out of here?" Charlotte asked."I don't know... I came in through that window, but I was chased her through the city. I don't think it would be smart to leave out of here right now. Maybe later tonight, but right now there's probably guards all over the city looking for me. The door is locked, so we can't leave that way. I think we are going to have to wait until tonight, Charlotte."She seemed perturbed by this, by nodded in agreement. Suddenly I remembered."Hey guess what I found?" I said enthusiastically."What is it?" She asked.I pulled out her pink walkie talkie from the bag, and watched her face light up. She shrieked and snatched it from my hand and held it against her chest, hugging it tightly as if she were trying to prevent it from running away."Thankyou!" She yelled.She pressed the button on the device to allow her to speak. "Papa, it's me, Charlotte! Are you there?"They waited, but there was no answer.After a while she tried again. "Papa it's me Charlotte! Can you hear me?" Again, there was no answer.They stayed in the room for hours, and Kyle watched the window as the bright sun started to set. Charlotte continuously used the device, trying to reach her father, however, continued to have no luck in getting through."I hope he's alright! Why isn't he answering? I am so scared, Kyle!" Charlotte cried."Charlotte, before you came in here, I talked to him. I told him the situation. He knows your were captured. He said he was going to do something, but I don't know what. Maybe he didn't want to bring the walkie talkie with him, wherever he is going."I said.But then I realized that was a pretty bad way of trying to comfort her.A tear ran down her face. "Oh Kyle! What's he going to do!? This is all my fault! I shouldn't have left. Now my daddy is in trouble!"She started crying, and I didn't know what to do.I went over to her, and sat next to her on the bed. She grabbed my shoulder, and continued to cry into it. I was unsure of what to do to comfort her, but I reached up and patted her on the back."It's going to be okay Charlotte. Your daddy loves you. He is going to find a way to help us out of this situation."She said nothing, but just continued to cry.Suddenly there was a loud bang, from outside that sounded just like a gun shot.We were both startled, and jumped at the same time. Following the shot, I could hear a loud male scream. What was going on out there? Suddenly there was a lot of commotion outside. Men were yelling, someone was giving out orders. More shots were fired. Then there was a loud boom, and the castle vibrated. An explosion, I thought.I heard some screams from outside the door, and heard more yelling. This was closer than before, now. Whatever was going on, it was now going on inside the castle. Me and Charlotte were scared. We gripped each others hand nervously as the commotion continued. There were more gun shots, inside the castle. Men screamed, and made awful sounds.We both nearly fell off the bed as a bullet penetrated the door, and richoted off the wall behind us. Charlotte screamed and held onto me with dear life. Light flooded in through the hole. I tried too look through it, but could see nothing.Finally, she gun shots stopped, and all was silent. There was no sound...Then there was a footstep... And another... It got closer to the door, and closer.Then the light the was coming through the door was covered, by darkness. Someone was outside. The door handle turned. Charlotte whimpered. Here we go...