Great Yarmouth should be wiped off the map

My goodness me! I am privileged indeed to have this opportunity to debate such an enlightened opponent and I duly thank him for his inspired, ingenious and insightful contributions! Firstly, I agree that it would be easy just to ignore Yarmouth and let the natives of the borough get on with living their tawdry, depressing lives. However, the town is on the doorstep of the Norfolk Broads National Park (1), which is a popular boating destination. Visitors from abroad who don't know any better and can't see the litter from the satellite images on Google Maps, often think that the town might make a good touring base, arrive by sea, take one look at the place and turn around and go home again. They, understandably, conclude that the whole of Britain must be one huge stinking toilet and this is very damaging for the country's reputation as a respectable tourist destination. Now, let's examine my opponent's Transport them to Staten Island proposal. Good idea, why not? After all, Britain always used to export our underclasses overseas. Two hundred years ago, if someone urinated in the street (as is still common practice in Yarmouth) they would be shipped over to Australia where they would be released into the bush to forage for themselves. However, this plan back fired on us. The convicts exploited the natural resources and indigenous people there, developed a functioning (albeit uncivilised) society and exacted their revenge on Britain by sending us crappy soap operas like Home and Away, fizzy beer like Fosters and, worst of all, JASON "I had the chance to make love to Kylie Minogue but I turned her down but that doesn't make me gay*" DONOVAN! By the way, if you are British and are planning your first trip Down Under, remember the Aussies still have a chip on their shoulder when it comes to us Poms so be careful what you say. When I got to Sydney Airport the immigration officer asked me if I had a criminal record and I replied that I didn't realise it was still a requirement. You don't want to fly 12,000 miles just to be put straight back on the plane do you? Sorry, I digress. Back to Staten Island. I've been there and it's certainly not posh. I asked a man in a New Jersey pub why there were so many tramps living on the streets of Staten Island. I mean, you don't pay rent if you are homeless so why not live over the river in Manhattan, or better still, somewhere exotic like Miami? The bloke in the pub replied that Staten Island was very popular with vagabonds because it was one of the few places where they could feel superior to the local residents! Next, let's look at the Bury Great Yarmouth under a Volcanic Lava Flow proposal. This idea has many obvious appeals and superficially seems to solve all the problems at a stroke. However, I can see three flaws in the plan: 1 - Yarmouth is located in one of the most tectonically stable regions on Earth, lying as it does towards the centre of the Eurasian Plate (2) where the continental crust is thickest and, therefore, most difficult to drill through. 2 - The lava flows might be difficult to control and could potentially bury neighboring Gorleston-on-Sea, which would be a shame because it is actually a quite a nice little place. 3 - Genocide is illegal in Britain. Moving on, my opponent correctly pointed out that allowing Yarmouth to return to the sea would pollute the oceans and wash garbage up on foreign shores. This is, unfortunately, unavoidable but it will be a one-off event and would not happen every time the town is flooded as happens every few months as it does now. Finally, I would implore the voters to reject my opponent's suggestion that Great Yarmouth should be spared in anticipation of the town becoming the centre of a world superpower. As the only famous person from the area is a turkey farmer called Bernard Matthews (see YouTube clip) the locals would be likely to install him as President with the following consequences: * He would dismantle the Houses of Parliament and have them rebuilt on Yarmouth seafront (after spraying them with gold paint to match the tacky plastic souvenir replica of them he has on his mantelpiece at home). Then he would convert Big Ben's clock face to digital to make it look more modern. * He would close all the libraries and re-open them as Bernard Matthew's Golden Fried Turkey drive-thru restaurants. * Everybody would be forced to wear nylon trackie bottoms and cheap t-shirts made in India by malnourished orphans. * He would convert the Norfolk Broads National Park into a poultry-themed amusement park called Bernard Matthews World of Luvvly Legs, Faboolus Fighs and Bootiful Breasts. * The only programmes allowed on television would be Trisha, The Jerry Springer Show and QVC Shopping. Instead, I merely propose to return Great Yarmouth to mother nature and assimilate the town's displaced inhabitants into mainstream society by sending them on courses that will cover everything from toilet training to basic literacy in the expectation that the habits of respectable British citizens will have a civilising effect on them. Thank you. (1) http://www.bbc.co.uk... (2) http://vulcan.wr.usgs.gov... http://www.youtube.com... * Yes it does.