We should elect Joseph Kony as Supreme Commander of Earth.

I thank the benevolent Koopin for issuing his debate. Though his judgement seems to be clouded, I will attempt to clear the clouds that cloud his eyes and show him exactly why Thaddeus should be the Supreme Commander of the world.My opponent makes the mistake of assuming that I seek the same ends as him, but with a different leader. In this assumption, he would be false. I seek to promote Thaddeus to Supreme Commander of the Earth because the resulting anarchy would allow DDO to get away with building the "End of the World Orgy Bunker"[1]. As it is now, Santorum would oppose our plan to build such a marvelous thing, as would Kony, but under Thaddeus, we would be fully prepared for the end of the world, following with the amazing orgy to follow. This is a reason we ought to have Thaddeus as Supreme Commander over some weakling named Phony or Bony or something like that.My opponent is also of the belief that declaring random attacks on people is a bad thing. This, blatantly, is a false statement, as randomly attacking people is the only effective way to loot them of their plunder and fair maidens, as is the goal of any good Sky Pirate. With plenty of plunder, booty, and 'booty' *winkwinknudgenudge*, we will be able to unite the entire world under a single flag of epicness. That flag will not be able to fly in all of it's glorious glory if we elect Homy to be Supreme Commander, as his religion says it's a bad thing. We need someone free from any moral code to make the best decision for us. That person is Thaddeus Rivers.My opponent then asks a very difficult question: what happens when 48% of the population want to chill down in Antarctica with the penguins and 52% want to bounce around on the moon with Hitler and the Illuminati[2]. The answer to this, under Tony, would be neither, as he lacks the transportation to go to either of those places. Thaddeus, however, is the captain of a flying pirate ship that can transport the 48% to Antarctica and the 52% to the moon. So everyone would be happy. The only time Thaddeus Rivers would listen to a single mom was when he was taking her smoking hot daughter[3] to pound town. My opponent then brings up the compelling argument that Drony is popular and funny looking. But neither of these things are things you want in a Supreme Commander of Earth. As Machiavelli put it, it is much better to be feared than loved, and people fear Thaddeus Rivers when they see his flying pirate ship. Moreover, looking funny doesn't command any respect, and without respect, you can't get anything done because nobody takes you seriously (a prime example of this is Thett3, who is a cat[4]). Thaddeus, however, is British. And everyone knows that British are highly sexy, and thus command a massive amount of respect. So Thaddeus will be better than Grony here.The last point my opponent brings up is that Lony has magical powers, but his powers are weak compared to Thaddeus's flying pirate ship. Children will run in terror when they hear the massive cannon shots from his pirate ship's cannons. None can stand before Thaddeus and live. None.I agree on the points that my opponent brought up in a certain aspect, though: these are the exact criterias that a Supreme Commander of Earth must meet. However, Thaddeus clearly meets these better than Trony does, and thus deserves to be declared Supreme Commander of Earth.I await my opponent's surrender.Sources:[1] - http://www.debate.org...[2] - http://www.debate.org...[3] - http://1.bp.blogspot.com...[4] - http://www.debate.org...