Resolved: Child's consent should be required for parent's divorce

One factor is age. The older the children, the more weight should probably be given to what they say. It is unlikely that a child younger than seven or eight would be asked for input. The opposite is true for an adolescent. Another factor to consider is the child"s maturity level, which may not match his/her chronological age. A third factor is the quality of the relationship between each parent and each child. If the overall family relationships are positive and relatively conflict-free, children's input can be both valuable and unlikely to invite retribution from a parent or loyalty issues from the children. On the other hand, if the relationship between a child and a parent, or between the two parents, has been contentious, the input may be tainted by fears and otherconsiderations that are more about the family"s dynamics than about the best interests of the child. An additional factor to consider is the child"s temperament. A resilient child who copes well is likely to be able to add significant information. Children who are having a hard time adjusting may be more likely to have a view of the situation that is torqued by anger, by wishful thinking or by having become a mouthpiece for one or the other parent. One concept that can be helpful is to distinguish between concerns and solutions. It may virtually always be helpful if children can voice their concerns. Poposing solutions, by contrast, is where loyalty and safety issues are most likely to be potential difficulties. It is important for parents to be clear about how the children"s input will be utilized. Do parents want to give the children the ultimate authority to decide? In most instances this strategy is imappropriate as it invites collapsed hierarchy, that is, a hierarchy in which the children run the family. At the same time, mature adolescents sometimes know best what will work for them. They also may benefit from being able to initiate adjustments in the arrangement as changes evolve in what they need from each parent or in their school schedules. Do parents want to present a proposed parenting time schedule and use their children's input to fine-tune it? Do parents want to elicit information about their children's underlying concerns? Would they like to seek ideas from their children about possible parenting plan solutions? If so it can be important to clarify to children from the outset that in addition to their concerns and solution ideas, both parents' concerns plus input from divorce professionals all will be factored in to the eventual solution. Finally, it's important to clarify to the children who will make the decisions: for instance, will the decision be made by a judge? by the parents themselves with a rubber stamp from the court system? oby the parents with the help of a mediator? If children know in advance that the decision is not in their parents' hands alone, they are less likely to blame a parent for a plan that displeases them. In conclusion, if the marriage is breaking down and the relationship is flawed but the child want the marriage to continue, then unfortunately this would make a very unhappy and angry world.