Noah's ark account is false

I apologise for my forfeit. Having a bit of difficulty with Internet. I may forfeit future rounds too, but I'll try not to. Sry. Anyway, here's your argument: P1) God made sure the bible is true Not necessarily. From my understanding, the bible was written by Moses (I think) to describe a supposed event in the past (regardless of whether it's true of false). God is not limited to what the bible says of his actions (clearly). The bible was written to describe god's actions plus other stuff. So God wouldn't have made sure the bible is true, but rather, the bible (tries) to make sure that God (and his subsequent actions) are true...by writing them down? God damn, I love circular reasoning! And the wheels of the bible go round and round! Round and round! Round and round! So what Moses wrote down may have no bearing on reality...and probably didn't! Anyway, here are my arguments for my forfeited turn: 1) Now Noah's ark was big. Very big. Even Captain Ahab was impressed, and he's never impressed. The ark was 300 cubits long, 50 cubits wide and 30 cubits high. What makes it even more impressing was the fact that it was built 2300 years ago and only out of wood. Some people think the imperial system is bad. What about this ungodly "Cubit" system. What the hell is a cubit? Clearly not the measurement system created by an all-wise God. (But my book "Arguments against God", only $19.99!) Anyway, the bible never specifies. Nevertheless, with a bit of maths, dark magic and research, some smart people found out that one cubit is apparently 45.72 cm long (or for Americans who use the hideous imperial system, 18 inches). So, how long was this behemoth of maritime history? 158m long, 26m wide and 15m high. Here's a picture for comparison:https://www.google.com.au... ark comparison That's a long piece of wood (*snigger*). So what happen's when a dingy takes steroids? A lot of bad stuff happens. Firstly, the wood buckles and bends, which could likely lead to breakage and a watery grave. An example of this is the Wyoming, a 350 ft ship of similar size to the ark which sank due to being so long (keep in mind, the Wyoming was created by a team of professional ship builders with modern equipment, and not a random team of 8 ancient people 2300 years ago). Not only this, but Noah had a severe naval battle with the S.S. Dino, a rival ark carrying the dinosaurs. Unfortunately, the rival ark sank due to a full-scale mutiny after the captain keel-hauled a raptor. (Don't forget to buy my book: "Argument against God: second edition" for only $10.99!) So how did this giant heap of fire wood survive being destroyed? Answer: It didn't; Because it never happened! 2) Another problem is animals...and good god did the ark have bloody heaps of those! The ark carried around 70,000 (give or take) animal, some of which require very particular diets to survive (pandas, koala's, etc). How did the ark carry 70,000 animals PLUS clean fresh water PLUS particular food PLUS cleaning PLUS etc etc etc? Answer: It didn't; Because it never happened! 3) And finally, the major problem of salt water fish and fresh water fish intermingling...which doesn't end up well for either. The major problem here is that salt water fish can't survive in fresh water and vice versa. During the flood, the whole earth was rained down for 40 days and nights with (supposedly) fresh water. All the salt water fish would have died tragically! But they clearly didn't because we have salt water fish today! You would be really shellfish to think that the Noah account really happened while dining at a fish and chips restaurant! And stupid! That's it for NOAH. See you on the BEACH! I shall WAVE you goodbye! Now you may kiss the TIDE! ok I'm going. (Don't forget to buy my book: "Argument against God: third edition", now only $9.99!)