Resolved: Dating more people makes for a better marriage

I have to congratulate my opponent... after only a few debates, her skills have improved greatly. I can only imagine how much better she will get as we do even more. I'm not a big fan of "evidence" (read: studies, polls, agenda), as it's usually misleading... I like arguments based on plausible scenarios, and leaving each person to imagine what is truth in it. It is a great way of convincing people to sign something off as wrong simply because "there was no evidence presented", but I don't just say things that are wrong. I don't say things that go against experience, I just presume a person can think of their own examples of my conjectures and decide for themselves that I'm telling the truth. 1. You just don't learn as much from one person, no matter how long you stay with them, as you would from many people (save starting a family, which I'm reserving for marriage). Anything up to that point (marriage), by experiencing them with multiple people; you are - with no doubt - learning more about relationships. What my opponent fails to see is that people are very different. Even in the first few months of a relationship, relationships can be VERY different. It's not all the same, and by dating more people... you come to realize that. But nothing additional can be learned between co-habitation and marriage (or engagement)... those are two steps in which no grand relationship step intercedes. After co-habitation, and learning the lessons thereof, there is nothing to learn from the relationship. It is much better than to proceed to marriage (and fall into the pitfalls I talk about when marrying too early) or move on and find new experiences. 2. "The tools that keep relationships (and marriages) happy and healthy are completely unrelated." - This is correct, only as far as you are able to attract and keep the "perfect mate". It has nothing directly to do with existing inside of a marriage, but it certainly has to do with finding a mate in which a perfect marriage can exist... and that's my point. And by pick-up, I don't just mean that first "hello", I mean the entire first steps of a relationship... when to ask certain questions... when to show certain things about yourself... these are important, beyond the initial "pick-up" that help a person attract and keep a potential mate through the early stages of a relationship. For men, you can get up to the point when a woman will want to marry you, without wanting to marry them.. and then move on. These are all the skills I'm talking about. Not just getting her to say yes to a date, but getting her to say yes to a lifetime. 3. "Once they find that special person, are they going to do these things all over again??" - Yes, you keep some things that all potential partners are going to want... but some things aren't criteria for marriage. I don't think by "pink blazing" with a girlfriend, you are taking away from a marriage--- especially since, for me, that's not a criteria for marriage. If my future wife should want to go blazing, awesome... we'll have a bunch of fun. But I don't expect her to. However, if I don't do it before I get married, that means I never will. I understand the mate might feel dejected by the idea that her mate has already done these things with someone else, but how was he to know that she was going to want to do them? Would she have preferred it that he eliminated her as a potential mate because she didn't want to do something he did? I think that would be a far worse tragedy. 4. Have you ever heard of the law of averages? Considering your constant banter about "the bell curve" and "sigma", I have to believe you have. As you get a larger sample size, things trend towards the average... that's just statistics... and, although there are arguments against my claim... saying that by dating more people you get a more skewed view isn't one of them. The quest for normal means that when someone is doing something that you consider weird, you have experience with it and rationalize what they're doing. You won't be as frantic because you have seen it many times before and justify it as normal.... if you believe your mate is the only one in the world that does that irritating thing that you don't like... that leads to serious problems in a marriage. 5. "Baggage arises out of pain and hurt and situations beyond (rather than within) our control." - I starkly disagree.... we are in control of our own actions... if we never let ourselves get too close with someone until we've decided to marry them, then we won't carry that emotional baggage... and that's something we control. I don't think that previous healthy relationships contribute to a person's baggage and hurts their marriage, like I've been arguing, I believe it helps... BUT that's the key to stay away from baggage is to have HEALTHY relationships... and we need to realize (from things like Google and friends and our own feelings) when they are losing their health and exit the relationship... that's a HUGE part of steering clear of baggage... not how many relationships you've been in For example, I don't think a man would be angry with her girlfriend if she had a new boyfriend every 6 months since she was 16. I don't think he would think of her as a slut or promiscuous. I don't think that would contribute baggage in his eyes. (And I would think vice versa) The number of relationships are completely irrelevant in the eyes of the partner as long as they are HEALTHY.... .... HOWEVER, just ONE unhealthy relationship can ruin a girl... when a guy finds out that his girl had even one UNHEALTHY relationships in her past... regardless of how long it lasted, that carries the baggage and hurts relationships... and I know you're fret to hear this, but it's simply the truth... sorry 6. Sure the parents, siblings, mentors know YOU best, but they offer you the same OLD stuff they always have... you aren't going to learn something NEW about yourself from continuing to acquaint yourself with the same OLD people. In order to learn NEW things about yourself over time, you have to meet and get to know NEW people better. In conclusion: If the real goal is a happy, healthy marriage, then the obvious setup is to have the fullest life you can prior to getting married. To have as many experiences as you can so that you can be the most knowledgeable when making your choices on who to marry. It will also best prepare you for dealing with the strife of marriage and how to keep your own identity while respecting your spouses. In contrast, latching onto people and being hopelessly romantic is usually indicative of a certain internal unhappiness sprung from inexperienced decisions or a general lack of understanding how to obtain happiness. We both agree that promiscuity is bad, so how else can you get those experiences that prepare you? You have to have as many healthy relationships as possible, up-to and including co-habitation before marriage. If you can do this as much as possible before you find the person who you consider to be "the one", you will be best prepared to make not only yourself as happy as possible, but also your spouse. I truly want to thank my opponent for a great debate... I really don't know where we ended up... most likely somewhere in between.. and that's ok.... how about Guys date as much as possible and Girls stay home with their parents until Prince Charming comes to sweep them off their feet? I like that system... haha... thanks Dorie