Evolution is a lie and evolutionistism is evil

Hi kids! It's me, Mr. Atheist College Professor! I am here today to discuss that unscientific lie known as Creationism, which is defined as the belief in a misogynist psychopathic sky bully who will send you to hell for all eternity for not satisfying His narcissistic childish personality. What nonsense that is! If God is so good, then why did I contract an std after a one night stand with my transgender girlfriend? It's plain tyranny that there are consequences for our actions! Tyranny, I tell you! God doesn't exist and He is a tyrant! But alas, I am getting off subject. Before I get into more detail, I would like to share my story with you. I was raised in a religious home, and I was indoctrinated from a young age with Bible stories. When I got older, my parents, who homeschooled me, exposed me to "scientific" textbooks which propagated the myth of Creationism. To an easily malleable young mind like my own, that garbage seemed like the truth, and I never questioned Creationism... Until I went to college. In college I was the creationist hick with braces and a "My mommy homeschooled me" T-Shirt. I had spent my whole life either indoors or in my yard, and I had never seen the outside world, because homeschooled kids are kept in complete isolation to keep others from exposing them to the truth of Evolution. In college, my wise atheist professor shattered the myths and downright lies fed to me by my homeschool "education". I believed that the earth was flat and that the Earth was created in six days 6000 years ago. After listening to my professor speak his words of truth, I turned my back on religion, embraced truths such as evolution and a round Earth, and became an atheist professor. I now realize that my parents are religious nuts and I mock their primitive beliefs to their faces on a daily basis. I have no respect for people who believe in outdated fairy tales like God and religious people should be castrated so that the world contains only atheists. After belief in God is eliminated, we shall finally embrace science and morals, two things which are completely incompatible with belief in God. Now don't get me wrong; I am not militant. I merely hate religious people and want them to be exterminated like the filthy vermin they are. There is no such thing as a "militant atheist". Theists, who have committed rape and mass murder in the name of their manmade tribalistic beliefs, are the ones who are truly militant. Now, I shall explain why God is a myth invented by illiterate shepherds who wrote about this horrific myth in a book called the Bible to encourage rape, slavery, and genocide. First of all, the majority of society believes in Evolution, and it's extremely unlikely that the majority in a nation of well-educated people would believe in a lie as ridiculous as Creationism. Before I continue, I would like to point something out: I've heard many Creationists call those of us who believe in proper science "Evolutionists". Is there such thing as a gravity-ist? Of course not! Evolutionist is a scientific fact because the scientific consensus is that evolution is a scientific fact, so stop calling us by that ridiculous name! We demand that our position be treated with respect, you pseudoscientific simpletons! And yes, we'll still be calling you Creationists, because your belief is clearly unproven and based off misinformation, misquotations, and lies. Second, Evolution is a well-documented scientific fact, verified time and time again by scientific findings. Wikipedia has a quite extensive page on the evidence for Evolution. I will admit, Wikipedia dismisses all Creationist claims as unscientific and misrepresenting what Evolution scientists say and it doesn't fairly show the Creationist viewpoint like it does for Evolution, but that's because Evolution is proven true, no point denying it, and Creationism should retreat to the Dark Ages where it belongs. Now, I recently have had the privilege of visiting a Creationist in prison. Yes, prison is where Creationists end up because they are too stupid to have a job. Anyway, I decided to ask him why he was a Creationist. Predictably, he said it was what the Bible taught. Instead of asking why he believed in something as hate-filled and murderous as the Bible, I asked him what proofs he had of Creationism. He said to me: "Two life forms which are extremely similar are not necessarily related. You say that an ape is related to a human because they have very similar genetics. But if you think about it, an ape, in order to be the way it is, requires the genes that it has. It doesn't necessarily have genes close to those of humans because they are related, but rather because humans and monkeys have similar body structures. That is, similarity does not equal relationship." LIES! LIES! LIES! IF A HUMAN AND AN APE HAVE SIMILAR GENETICS THEY MUST BE RELATED!!!!!!!!!!! Then, he said to me: "Because of this, alleged transitional fossils do not prove evolution, because you cannot prove that it actually served as a transition between two life forms. All you know for sure is that the life form in question seems to be in between Form A and Form B. But it didn't necessarily come from Form A, nor did it necessarily turn into Form B." UNSCIENTIFIC MUMBO JUMBO! EVOLUTION IS A PROVEN FACT!!!!!!!!!!!! Then, he said: "The Theory of Evolution depends on the assumption that the Earth is old enough for that level of change to be a plausible reality. Carbon Dating has been shown to be almost worthless after said object reaches a certain age, and a large variety of factors can effect how much C-14 an object has. I am sure that similar flaws exist in other dating methods." CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS GUY?! Then, he said: "But for any kind of life to be possible in the first place, you have to have the right conditions for life. Sure, if you're simply going by planetary conditions you might be able to find another planet with the right conditions for life. But what about the Universe? By the nature of the Universe, it has a certain set of scientific laws. If the nature of those laws were even slightly different, the nature of the Universe would be so different that life would not be possible. Unless you believe in the Multiverse, which I do not think there is any proof of, you've only got one 'shot' to have a Universe with all the conditions needed for life. This proves God's existence, as well as the argument of a First Cause." Oh man, this is riddled with scientific inaccuracies and misrepresentation of atheism and evolution. I have faith in the existence of the Multiverse! There is no God for there is no evidence for His existence! As for the First Cause, who created God? Surely God must be bound by all the same laws of physics and logic as everything else because God is bound by this Universe. EVOLUSHUN IS TRU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!