Rape or Nontraditional rape? (Bride Kidnapping Video)

Daniela Santana PHI 310 Most women"s dream is to find the perfect man to get married and be happy with. The idea of thinking about being kidnaped in the name of love is hard to understand especially when women"s rights are been violated and their freedom of choice does not count in their society. We live in a country where we are all equal and free to make our own decisions"or at least pretend to be"but not all people live the same reality. It"s hard to believe in the idea that there are countries in the world were women"s freedom and rights are still being violated and unlawful actions taken by men are being ignored in their society. Kyrgyzstan"located in Central Asia"is a country driven by traditions and beliefs that ignore the idea of gender equality in their culture. One of Kyrgyzstan"s most common tradition is the "bride kidnapping" that not only violates the law but also it also ignores women"s freedom of choice of whom they want to choose as their husband. The bride kidnapping video presents the reality of a cultural act that has existed from generations to generations which has not only affected women"s lives but it has also created a cultural impact in the country of Kyrgyzstan. Kubanti"the broom to be"made the decision of kidnapping her possible wife. The couple knew each other from a long time and had a relationship were they have had already spoken about marriage and made a decision of the right way to do it and the right time. Kubanti decided to follow tradition instead and kidnapped his "girlfriend" with the help of his friends and family. The girl struggled and fought back not to be taken in captivity but at the end of the day, the weight of tradition was heavier than her own understanding of her rights as a woman. "Unfortunately, 95% of women stay, even if they don"t know him. The reason is that Kyrgyz girls are educated from childhood to be obedient (30:44)." The problem that needs to be addressed is the fact that there are women in Kyrgyzstan"and maybe other countries in the world"who are being kidnaped and raped without having a choice of deciding what"s best for them as individuals and not as part of a generational tradition. People need to understand the difference between rape and nontraditional rape in order to argue and defend the rights of women who are being forced to live by the traditions of a culture which is violating human rights"specifically women"s rights. How can we address and change a problem in our society if the law does not protect us? "Not many cops realize that kidnapping a bride is illegal and the fewer who know, don"t even care (2:50)." Citizens of Kyrgyzstan agree and understand that they are breaking the law (3:28) but the idea of tradition is more powerful than the laws imposed by men. Nontraditional rape is portrayed to be men"s way to escape the reality of their wrongful and unlawful actions. "Nontraditional rapes are not criminal, and worse, that the woman must bear any guilt, the law has reflected, legitimized, and enforced a view of sex and women which celebrates male aggressiveness and punishes female passivity (161.1.5)." The problem with women from Kyrgyzstan is that many of them have been trained from childhood to follow tradition as a way of obedience and submission. The bride"s mother and grandmother were being kidnapped as well and forced to get married (22:57) creating a vicious generational cycle of acceptance of a tradition that ignores the fact they are human beings who have the right to decide who they marry or not. I believe that men are not the only ones to blame but also females who because of their beliefs forget the fact that they are not someone"s possession but their own. Many Kyrgyz girls know that the bride kidnapping tradition is wrong and humiliating, and that"s why some of them have committed suicide while the others decided to get married instead as a proof of hopelessness. The bride from the video was only a teenager who had dreams and ambitions and who thought about marriage but never imagined to be kidnapped instead. She realized she had no other choice than to surrender to the idea that her life as a dreamer was over and that her reality was kicking in. "No, I don"t think it"s good but what we can do? It comes from ancient times (23:10). Since I was already taken, they wouldn"t leave me alone anyhow (27:05)." It might seemed as she agreed on the weeding because she wanted to but in reality, she was only doing it because she knew that if she rejected him he would have not letting her alone. She was too young to make a smart decision because she was driven by the pressure of not only his family but a society that believes that all girls should get married even if the use of force is needed. "Calm down girl, you"ll be fine. You"ll be happy. All girls must get married (13:36). Girls will be happy if they get married crying (13:45);" this were the words of a kidnapper who presents the ideologies and thoughts that Kyrgyz men have about marriage and the whole idea of kidnapping women. Kidnapping a woman to prove her pureness and desire of marriage is not an excuse to humiliate her and force her to make a decision of such. "The law should evaluate the conduct of "reasonable" men, not according to a Playboy-macho philosophy that says "no means yes," but by according respect to a woman"s words (161.4.6)" silence does not negate consent, at least crying and saying "no" should (161.4.7)." But what is the point of crying and saying no when being kidnapped if at the end of the day the power of men over women will always be stronger specially in a society where women has no voice or vote. The actions taken by Kubanti in the bride kidnapping video evidence that nontraditional rape occurred. There"s not a single definition of rape that we can use to describe it and even "the law provides no clear, working definition of rape (162.5.2)." The main problem with victims of nontraditional rape is that most of them decide not to report it"like in the case of the bride"Kyrgyz women have come to the conclusion that is part of their tradition instead of a violation of the law and human rights.