Writers debate

Chapter 5: Poison. Cancer. The word seared into my mind, like a burning torch being pressed firmly against my brain. I am so encumbered by thought, that my brain fails to process the meaning of the words that were said to me. I open my mouth to speak, hoping to return a reply, but nothing comes out. Mandy looks upset. "What? Why are you not talking?" I try. I really do. But I don't know what to say. My face is compressed with stress, and agitation. Mandy grabs her purse from the ground, and gets up, ready to leave. "Stop." I finally say. She does, though her back is still turned to me. "I- I don't want you to go." I say awkwardly. She turns back towards me looking like she was attempting to hold back tears. "I have separated myself from humanity, for three years." I start. She sits down. "I haven't been able to sleep well for those three years. The times I do sleep, I just have nightmares of what happened. I know I just met you, but last night, after meeting you, I was able to get the first real sleep, that I have had in a long time. There's something about you Mandy. I know we don't know each other well right now. But I would be honored if I had the chance to." Mandy Smiled. ------- "Hey you." I say with a cheerily.She feebly musters up her pretty smile. "Hey stud." I chuckle. "I missed you." She says."I saw you yesterday, remember?" I respond."I remember. Doesn't mean I didn't miss you." She refutes. She offers me her hand weakly, and I take it. We've only been dating for only 3 months, but I felt so close to her. I wanted to stay there, all day. "How long do I have with you today?" I ask.Mandy responds casually. "The doctor said I have 15 minutes, before they have to put me back to sleep for the night."I breathe a sigh."Don't worry. I'll be out of here on Tuesday afternoon." She omits."Good. I want to take you somewhere. I think you'll like it." She looks out the hospital window, up at the nearby building, obscuring the view of the ocean. "Sounds exciting. No chance you will tell me now?" Mandy asks expectantly."Not a chance. It's a surprise." I mock scold her.She is silent for a few minutes, and I just hold on to her hand tightly. Finally she speaks."I am scared. Of death. Of losing everything I know and love. I feel.... Lost." She starts to tremble. I hug her. What do I say? It was hard enough to deal with the harsh punch of reality when it took my family away from me unexpectedly. It happened, and I had no control over the quickness of the situation. I dealt with knowing death can take away everything you are and know in less then a minute. But this... This was torture. Knowing that it was coming. "No matter what happens, I will be here. For you. Making every minute of your life as great as I can until-" I stop myself. Before I say something that might be mis-construed. Too late. "Until the end?" she finished. I don't say anything. I don't know how to deal with this. I maintain my composure the best I can though. "Listen, Mandy, you are special. Don't you forget that. I will never give up on you." I stayed with her for the remainder of the time we had left. I was sitting in an uncomfortable position on the chair next to her bed. My entire body was twisted, so that she could lay on my shoulder. I didn't care though. We stayed that was until I could tell she was asleep. When I was sure she was out, I gave her a peck on the forehead. "Until next time, sleeping beauty. I lo-" I stop myself. "I lo-" Why couldn't I say the words? It's not like she was conscious to hear, or even understand the words that I was saying. Three words, that was all I needed to say. Why couldn't I say them? I felt them. I think. Suddenly, the door behind me opens, "Patrick, It's time to leave." Said a stern doctor voice behind me. The voice seemed to blend into the world, echoing in my head. I felt weird. The room, it seemed to crash around me, and pull into a vortex. "Patrick" The voice reverberated(1) through my soul. The dim hospital lights became a blur. Everything was shaking. I fall to my knees. What is happening? Why is everything... so.... "Patrick!" The voice is louder this time. What!? I want to shout, but I don't know who to. Finally the entire world around me comes crashing down. I feel like I had just cannonballed into a swimming pool, and everything was different. "PATRICK! STAY WITH US PATRICK! We're losing him. Get him some more morphine stat!" Okay, now I am confused. Then it happens. I break, and suddenly my world is gone. --------- I tremble, as I watch my dad writhe in pain, with the surgeons, and doctors around him, busily trying to calm his vitals. What's going on? Why is he in so much pain? I hated to watch this. Absolutely hated it. But it was an odd feeling, to see him move. He had been still in that bed, for 3 years. Not even a twitch. And to see him move now, so aggressively.... Was frightening. Moans escaped his lips, that were deafening(2). I look at his heart monitor in fright. The little line, is jumping at massive heights, and falling to really low ones rapidly. No, no. This can't be. Please stop! Stop now! The only reconciliation I have in this moment, is the knowledge that my dad doesn't feel any pain, and that he isn't conscious of anything. I can only hope that he lives through this. I miss my dad. I need him to survive this. I know he is a better person now. He can't leave us.... "Stay with me dad. Please." ------- Thine eyes I love, and they, as pitying me, Knowing thy heart torments me with disdain, Have put on black and loving mourners be, Looking with pretty ruth upon my pain. And truly not the morning sun of heaven Better becomes the grey cheeks of the east, Nor that full star that ushers in the even, Doth half that glory to the sober west, As those two mourning eyes become thy face: O! let it then as well beseem thy heart To mourn for me since mourning doth thee grace, And suit thy pity like in every part. Then will I swear beauty herself is black, And all they foul that thy complexion lack.(3) I snap back to reality. I am driving, home. It is late. My car radio reads 9:45 pm. These dreams... They are so strange. They feel so real, yet part of me knows they are a pseudo falsity. A play on the emotions, to what is going on in my life. I don't know why this is happening, but if these dreams, mean that I don't dream of death and sadness, and I will take them gladly. I don't remember leaving the hospital though. This is strange. I don't remember even getting in my car even. The last thing remember was the doctor asking me to leave. She called me Patrick. Something about this seems weird to me, though I don't know why. Patrick is my name. Why wouldn't she say it? I don't remember even telling her what my name was... No... But I had to. I must have signed in with it, or something. How would she have known my name if I didn't sign something. Maybe Mandy told her. It doesn't matter. I let the thought leave my brain, and drive the rest of the way home. Tuesday comes, and I go and pick up Mandy from her home, excited that she was let out for a week. I arrive at her apartment, and as always, she is ready to go, already out the door. We talk, and I drive for the next 35 minutes. I can tell she is excited. We are at west point, 35 miles from the base of a big hill. The hill is 13 miles from the lowest point of Miami, near the ocean. It is still early, and the sun is now rising. Right on time. The orange glow reflects off the pacific ocean, creating an iridescent(4) glow on the water. The scene is absolutely beautiful. Mandy lays her head on my shoulder, smiling. Finally the smile turns into a frown as she speaks. "It's getting worse Pat. The doctors say I only have 2 more months now." Challenge: Patrick is struggling for happiness, but Mandy's imminent death haunts him. His dreams are becoming worse, despite his choice to ignore them. (1)http://dictionary.reference.com... (2)http://www.thefreedictionary.com... (3)http://www.shakespeares-sonnets.com... (4)http://dictionary.reference.com...