dirty joke battle

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming, "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!". The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said, "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit". The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my dick I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina." The husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said "Yes, yes, whatever, just get on with it." So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper". So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement, she began to moan and groan aloud, "Oh doctor, doctor!" she shouted. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself. He then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises. The husband, at this point, suddenly became very annoyed and shouted. "Now wait a minute, what the h*ll do you think you're doing?!" he blasted. The doctor, still concentrating, replied: "Change of plan, I'm gonna drown the bastard!!" Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?" His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven." "Gee Dad that's great," said little Billy. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!" "What do you mean?" said Dad. "Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the Garden of Eden, as everyone knows, Lives Adam and Eve, without any clothes. In this garden, were two little leaves, one covered Adam's, one covered Eve's. As the story goes on, Never the less to say, the wind came along, and blew the leaves away. At the sight, Adam did stare, There was Eve's treasure, All covered with hair. And wonder came, Under Eve's eyes, As Adam's thing, started to rise. They found a spot, that suited them best, a nice big tree, where they began to rest. Her legs spread wider, and wider apart, While thrill after thrill, Came into her heart. The head of Adam's thing, Peeked into the hole, and filled her with passion, Beyond her control. Backward and forward, His thing did slide, And Eve's treasure, was all wet inside. The joy was good, She wouldn't let loose, Until Adam's thing, Was all out of juice. Then down through the years, People did screw, and now it is time, for me and you. So pull down your pants, and lay in the grass, because I'm in the mood, for a piece of that *SS! Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" So the first fella did just that. The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?" "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'." These days, safe sex isn't just a good idea, it's a matter of life and death. Here are some valuable tips to help you "play it safe"... Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizens for cash, then buy the crack directly. Think about parents' nude bodies during foreplay; resultant loss of erection will prevent potential unsafe sex. Don't fall for lines like, "God protects his servants in the clergy from harm." Do not, no matter how much peers may pressure you, allow anyone to get to third base with you. Before unsafe sex, think to yourself what the kids will look like. Make sure all open sores on penis have thoroughly dried and scabbed over before use. When taking four cocks in the *ss, make sure to have an equal amount of cock in your mouth to reduce the risk of CHI imbalance. Before fellating anonymous man in back room of bar, be sure to ask, "You don't have AIDS, do you?" Douse penis liberally with D-Con roach spray before penetrating ape. You CAN get it from kissing... tear out partner's tongue before any mouth-to-mouth contact. To prevent radiation exposure, use only lead-based condoms. If you must engage in unsafe sex, take time out before hand to hope for the best. Before the use of condoms, unroll completely and check for any holes.