Epic Rap Battles of DDO: Imabench vs RationalMadman

Here's what I am: A bench, I support badasses all day long, old men and their friends, Now, excuse my French, But what are you other than an irritating presence? No one relaly likes you, and those who say they do, Just use as a feel-good opportunity to say they helped you through, your a special case of retardation, The most special of the special an takes a lot of patience, Just to not slap you round the face when I see you since you remind me of Satan. Yeah you smile at the fact that you make others angry, Laugh at the fact that you're all alone, Then you cry at the fact that there are people like me, Who hang you up as you whine down the phone, You're nothing but a whiny, tiny-brained b*tch, You will never understand what it feels like to be this, To me, extraordinary, maybe that's why you find me so damn scary, You whisper curses at me in your room of doom, But the whole time your timid heart's goin' boom boom boom, Because you know that when people see it they don't believe what you say, They just laugh at the fact you think it's possible that they, Would ever fall for such a stupid conspiracy theory, clearly, You don't understand the difference between genius and sleazy, When I troll, it's amazing, it's funny and artistic, When you troll it's pathetic, annoying and autistic. You think you know it all but you lose debates when you try, I win when I troll so pathetically that it makes my opponent cry, I don't even bat an eyelid and I produce hilarious debates, You try your level best and still get almost unanimous hate, This is fate; you suck and I am great, I have an ego that people love to inflate, You have an ego that was created just to be dented, You make God seem stupid for having someone like you invented. When you're sad, people get happy, When you're happy, they get angry, When you're angry, they start laughing because your life is so crappy, You were born to be mocked, to be shunned and have your confidence knocked, Every second, every hour, tick tock tick tock, People love to see someone as lame as you pissed off, You're just an inevitable landing always ready to lift off. When I troll, people laugh for days, They laugh at the guy that I'm trolling and sit back so amazed, At how a genius like me can bully so efficiently, They see that I'm the alpha male and that my gift works wonderfully, When you troll, people fill with rage, They read your debates, page by page, They are disgusted that you troll in such ridiculous ways, And then only after that do they laugh... Right in your face. We both make people laugh, you and I are quite alike, But the fundamental difference lies in in the reason that we fight, You troll for your own pleasure, you troll to create war, I troll masochistically; trolling for me's a bore, I troll like it's a chore, like it's my mandatory profession, You troll like it's a way for morons to have freedom of expression, I troll to tirelessly mock people for other's pleasure, You troll like a fat old lady farting to release pressure. You want t win this? Think again, I have a million times more friends, I have the contacts, the strength and talent, The only things you have are flaws in abundance.