It is better to light a cat on fire than a dog.

My argument will essentially boil down to two main themes. First I will focus on the fact that, especially when compared with dogs, cats have an overwhelmingly negative impact on society and hence are more deserving of being combusted and secondly I will address the many characteristics of the feline creature that lend themselves to a pleasurable fire lighting experience. The modern domesticated dog has become an integral part of human society and their usefulness is immense. They are employed at ports as sniffer dogs, helping to protect people from bombs, illicit drugs and people that smell like steak and they work with the police to help track down criminals and search buildings. Dogs are also capable of acting as guides for blind people, enabling them to do navigate obstacles in environments that would otherwise cause them great difficulty. If you’re going to light a guide dog on fire you may as well light their owner on fire along with them. I could go on, but the fact of the matter is that ‘man’s best friend’ has integrated nicely into modern society. Cats on the other hand are becoming a burden. Feral and stray cat populations continue to cause environmental problems around the world, to the point where feral cats have been classified as an invasive species in Australia due to their hunting of native species. “They are a major cause of decline for many land-based endangered animals such as the bilby, bandicoot, bettong and numbat. Many native animals are struggling to survive so reducing the number killed by this introduced predator will allow their populations to grow. ” [1] In the US a 2013 study found that between 1.4 and 3.7 BILLION birds are killed by cats each year, around two thirds of which are native species. There are 300 known feral cat colonies occupying the DC area alone [2]. Feral cat hunting and burning would be of great benefit to these native populations as they struggle under the oppression of these cat pests. By lighting just one cat on fire you could be saving the lives of numerous other important animals, not just rats and mice. Modern day cats, excluding wild varieties such as lions and tigers that are most likely not readily available to the average bonfire enthusiast anyway, are also all a relatively consistent size. On the other hand dog breads range in size immensely. The consistency of cat size provides for an enjoyable and consistent cat lighting experience. The overall small size of cats when compared to most dogs also gives them a greater surface area to volume ratio, allowing for easier ignition and combustion, leading to the large leaping flames that make fires so enjoyable to watch creating an overall more pleasurable fire experience. It is also worth noting that due to their smaller size and overall fluffiness cats also have a greater ratio of highly flammable fur to flesh. The speedy combustion of this fur will not only ensure that the reaction to lighting a cat on fire will be quick and immediately satisfying but also will replace the overall smell of burning flesh with burning fur, especially when compared to a dog, leading to a more aromatically pleasant fire lighting experience. [1] . https://www.environment.gov.au...;[2] . http://www.smithsonianmag.com...