The secret that leads to happiness, is to try to became a better person.

First of all my friend, i never talked or encouraged, to be judgmental of yourself (without self love as you say), but to simply try to be a better character than the one you were before. You don't have to hate or dislike yourself in order to improve. As i said previously, i do believe that to love and accept yourself is a step towards happiness (provided you are not an evil person of course haha) and that is because by loving and knowing yourself, you can fill up with positive thoughts and emotions. I think we are on to the same thing here :) I also agree that 'Our state of being becomes our thoughts which then reflects our choices, decisions, reactions, and ultimately feelings' as you said. But this state of being, is called a character and this is what truly affect our choices, decisions, reactions, and ultimately feelings and this is what i claim one should try to improve; and so as an obvious result change his choices etc for the better. Our character defines us, since it is ultimately responsible for our choices and generally our behaviour. Ones decision making, can by affected by his emotional state e.g. happiness or anger, but it ultimately rests on his character, which one self should try to improve, if he wish to change his life for the better, since the same choices leads to the same results, but better choices that come from a pure and better character leads to different results. Also i disagree that trying to became a better human being, will turn our everyday life into a 'mode of struggle', since i am not suggesting to improve your skills or you career or anything else, but your character and your ego. For example, if you are an athlete i am not saying to struggle to became the best athlete in the world, or if you are a student to spend all your day reading in order to have the best grades ever, but simple to try to became good, just, think positive and clear yourself from all negative feelings (e.g. anger, hate). This way instead of filling yourself up with anxiety and negative feeling (something a person would probably cause to himself by trying to became the best athlete or student) you can fill up with positive feeling and get rid of anxiety. Because clearing yourself from negative emotions like anxiety, is a step towards becoming a better person. Furthermore, i believe a person can find true inner piece only when he becomes a good enough character, that is happy with his life choices, has no regrets or negative emotions and is filled up with positive feelings (like love, gratitude or self love as you say). So i think that while we are talking about the same thing you mentioning only one tree (self love) and i am mentioning the whole forest ( good character, happy with his life choices,no regrets or negative emotions and filled up with positive feelings). Moreover i do not really understand what do you mean when you say ' Without it, judgement of yourself, and others begins to take over one's daily life. Every person, every event, everything we encounter, we form a judgement. Hence the positive and negative feelings that wash over us everyday, all day'. Because, all people without exceptions make judgment of other people and events all day long (this is how is know and understand the world around us). It is a biological process. When i meet someone, for example, i judge if he/she is a good or a bad person, if he/she is funny or not, if he/she likes me or not. It does not take over my life and the same goes for anyone else, because it a part of our everyday life, it is how our brain work and functions. When i walk on the street i have to make a judgment every time i pass the road, so i wont get hit by a car. So i do not understand when you say that this judgment 'begins to take over one's daily life' and 'Hence the positive and negative feelings that wash over us everyday, all day', because it is simply not like that. We have to make every day thousand decisions and judgments in order to live and we obviously can not just stop doing that.... Again i must point out, i never said that happiness is anyway near the judgment of others or to comparing yourself with others in a daily basis. Also, when you ask '"Better" implies that we are not good enough right now. If we feel that way, then what happens the next day when we fall back and make mistakes? And what it we need a few times around to learn a lesson that we can't quite get the first time? If happiness is becoming "better", the bad days could really set us back a bit.' the answer is simple. We should learn from our mistakes so we don't have to reaped them. That is part of becoming a better person. Every intelligent person, should from his mistakes so he will never repeat them. And also if he does the same mistake again, that is also a lesson that would lead him ultimately to never repeat the mistake again. And also making mistakes should not set you back, as you say, by any means, since mistakes has nothing to do with becoming a better character or not. Mistakes make people sad because... well they are mistakes, this is kind of their definition. Mistakes are just a lesson, that a person could exploit, so he will never repeat it. Not making mistakes, is off by far from the definition of perfect here . When i am talking about perfection i am talking only about the individuals character, ego or soul (name it however you want). So i am talking about the ultimate good, the ultimate justest, ultimate love etc. something that only god i capable of, by definition. I am not talking about making mistakes, i am talking about loving without conditions, i am not talking about revolving cycle but for the ultimate kindness etc. I though this was clear when i was talking about the improvement of a person character. Sorry for the misunderstanding, i will try to be more specific in my next's text's. Well as i previously stated with arguments, that we are not by far to where we are supposed to be now, since it is far from perfection (eg negative feelings like jealousy) and although generally is good for someone to accept himself, accepting himself without conditions, means accepting his flaws too, (eg accepting his negative emotions like jealousy, hate and anger) and therefore not trying to improve them! Thank you for reading this far and actually bothering to reply to me. I appreciate it.