Semen should be bottled and sold as a teeth whitener.

HI!!!!EconomicsThe resolution provides the affirmative side of this case with ample economic girth to stroke to fruition.A) Deadweight LossIn economics, deadweight loss is the loss to society when the market is not at equilibrium. [1] The market of semen commodities is clearly held away from equilibrium. What about semen donations, you might ask? Well that partial market is overly regulated by stupid statutes that force applicants go through a rigorous screening process before they are cleared to donate sperm. [2] B) Trade BalanceAs many of you know, the United States has a huge total trade deficit, that only seems to temporally exacerbate. However, if we take the charge in the development of good quality C) EmploymentMany men may be put to work for the production, bottling, distribution, quality control, and administrative purposes of this product.D) StimulusInstead of having the Federal Reserve bank of the United States print trillions of dollars in the vague hope of genuine economic growth from artificial, why not just loosen regulations that would rid the US of inane laws making the market efficiency of this proposition a crime to cum? Through a positive trade balance in this commodity, employed ejaculation specialists, and decreased deadweight loss, the economy would be genuinely stimulated.HealthA) Artificial Teeth Whiteners Are DangerousThe leading cause of death in America is no longer “being killed after your spouse catches you cheating with animals,” but rather “brain atrophy due to excessive artificial teeth whitening in Alpha Delta Pi sororities.” The amount of chemicals in many teeth whiteners greatly exceed the allowable daily dosages and the legal daily dosages and the recommended daily dosages and the biblical daily dosages. Switching from this dangerous artificial teeth whitening would improve the health, brain function, and longevity of human lives, while maintaining social order.B) The Healthy AlternativeAllowing for the teeth whitening of semen would greatly improve gum health, lung functioning, hormone stability, and male satisfaction. [6]Fun A) PranksIf this product were allowed to be bottled and sold as teeth whitener, there may be a social stigma associated with it until it becomes normal like soy and tofu products. So, this is a great time to use the substance as a prank against people who may be extremely offended that they had put cum in their mouths! This could be done on from little children to religious leaders, dentists to patients, and those weirdo hippies to themselves. It will be great fun for everyone! “Hey do you want an all natural teeth whitener?” “Sure, why not?... I think it’s working. What’s in this stuff? Tastes pretty good, unlike the artificial stuff, actually.”“It’s semen.”“FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU (ad infinitum).B) Glow in the DarkSemen has natural bioluminescence that can be used for fun and practical purposes that lead to fun. This will open exhilarating new possibilities for raves, which are always looking for new things to glow in the dark: th mouth is the final frontier. If the ravers are happy, society is happy. Next, let’s say your power goes off, and you want to play chess with a Bonobos chimpanzee, but you can’t find a flashlight or candles. Just put some teeth-whitening semen in your mouth and enjoy hours of fun, exciting chess play.MoralityA)Categorical Imperative-1 “Act only according to that maxim whereby you can, at the same time, will that it should become a universal law.”Through the affirmative stance on this resolution wealth is created for all parties involved, the imperative “should” is achieved, and the humanitarian nature of the resolution flows to humanity.-2 “Act in such a way that you treat humanity, whether in your own person or in the person of any other, never merely as a means to an end, but always at the same time as an end.”Through the peaceful, mutualist trading (the most peaceful and honest form of getting people to do what you want--the others being persuasion and force) all of humanity that is involved with the process and that is impacted by the economic benefits that pervade through society is treated as humanly as their own ends and as an economic means to the end of profit. 3- “Therefore, every rational being must so act as if he were through his maxim always a legislating member in the universal kingdom of ends.”Through the peaceful trading described above, each step of the way is essentially voting, legislating, in the market for the coorperative acts of members in the universal kingdom of ends.The categorical imperative is consonant with the resolution. I GOT KANT ON MY SIDE!B) Rape/MolestationIt is an established fact that when sexual energy is stored up for too long, people automatically go on a raping spree and don’t stop until they are arrested from their respective parishes. WIth a discharge of semen that is consonant with biblical morality, god’s divine plan, and revenue increases, Catholic churches would decrease the amount of rapes per child and their revenues would increase, so they can launch effective anti-condom campaigns in AIDS ridden Africa. Win-Win.C) BibleThe Bible has always been the arbiter of morality and will always be. How would we know how hard was too hard to beat our slaves, if it wasn’t for this divine tome? The Bible is clear about not wasting “seed” or more commonly, semen:Genesis 38: 9-10 But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his. So whenever he went in to his brother's wife he would waste the semen on the ground, so as not to give offspring to his brother. And what he did was wicked in the sight of the Lord, and he put him to death also.God does not want us reaching that ocean of cum beneath our feet without the discharge producing offspring. I have two responses to this:1) The term offspring in Hebrew also means “rewards,” so by making a profit in semen bottling and selling, we are honoring the creator of the universe.2) The bacteria in the mouth will partially feed off of the semen, which will allow the bacteria the energy to reproduce, or have offspring.(one of the reasons the whitening process works)Ezekial 23:20 states, There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose seminal emission was like that of horses.God is clearly telling us that having strong seminal emissions, so much so that they are compared to animals is a positive attribute, combine that with the qualifier of not wasting seed, and we see that God is an enterprising, celestial anarcho-capitalist who wants the burdensome governmental regulations surrounding semen sales destroyed.[1] http://www.investopedia.com...[2]http://www.stanford.edu...[18] http://www.openbible.info...[6] http://forums.plentyoffish.com...THANKS!!! :D