Wait for sex with the one you love before marriage--NON BIBLICAL APPROACH Pro

Part 1. I am married. Part 2. I chose this topic because I believe that truth and inner meaning are important. I believe that it is very important for people to love themselves and others with clarity. I am a polyreligious Gnostic. I practice meditative arts from most of the world's religions. I read and find deep meaning from the texts of all religions. I do so with a non literal and metaphorical understanding. For me that understanding is more powerful if not taken literally. Part 3. The first time for me was in college. We were each 20 years old. We cared for each other as friends (with benefits I suppose they say now). Part 4. It was not as good as I hoped it would be. The first time I attempted to make thanksgiving gravy was with another first timer to making gravy. Neither of us had any education in making homemade gravy. The results were not so good with the gravy either. When someone asked one of us to pass the mashed potatoes we had to sheepishly admit that, what they thought was a bowl of mashed potatoes, was actually our attempt at making gravy. More flour more flour!!!!! Now, more water, more water!!!! Part 5. My experience is for love to be the crucial ingredient for good sex and that good sex is an important part of life. Subpar sex is almost always the result of not being in love. Being married in no way implies a good and healthy loving relationship. Open debate: Con- A person should not strive to be married before having sex for the first time. 1.There is an importance to being in love with the person you are with. They call it "Making Love" for a reason. I think that both sides agree to this assumption so I will not elaborate unless there is disagreement from Pro. 2.Marriage is not a measure of healthy loving relationships. Marriage is a contract between two individuals brokered by the church and state. a.The history of marriage- For the vast majority of human history marriage was done for strategic alliance and without consent of the parties, especially the woman who was generally regarded as property. The Saxons used marriage to particular advantage in their semi-bloodless conquest of Britain. Marriage was not regarded as a holy sacrament by the church until the 12th century. Of particular importance to us, love was not considered to be an important component of marriage until the Victorian era. http://www.bbc.co.uk.... Marriage was originally designed to avert lawlessness and violence between competing males. Until very recently it was impossible to determine paternity of a child by scientific means (genetic paternity test). Some societies made it a rule to subjugate woman to the ownership (marriage) of a male. It was a crime punishable by stoning execution to fornicate with (Adultery) the spouse of another human being. This strict prohibition reduced violence and conflict between all parties. In particular it almost guaranteed knowledge of paternity among males. Knowledge of paternity allowed for a patriarchal society to supplant the former matriarchal societies who had ruled previously (Sumer/Babylonia). These religious ideologies of the desert, over time, conquered and persuaded most of the western world into adopting their religion and moral laws. In short, marriage was designed as political contract and not for the ecstatic spiritual joining we now know as loving sexual union. b.The idea of marriage is often an unconscious trap of circular causality for many people. You have to be in love to be married therefore if I get married I must be in love. The last statement is false as it is circular illogic. While there is limited documentation of the above statement consider two wrong reasons that people stay married under less than ideal conditions for: Fear of enough communication to either become closer or split up; for the sake of the children. People are afraid of divorce so they do not communicate and therefore are not properly partnered to their mate. If they are able to get passed fear of separation they will be able to communicate and become closer. People erroneously think that staying in a loveless marriage is better for their children. In reality their children will grow up to emulate those unhealthy relationships in their own lives. Marriage can and should be a wonderful thing for two people who deeply love each other. The act of being married does not imply love. c.Shame. The idea of sex before marriage still engenders the negative emotion of shame to many people. The church/ state apparatus do not still stone to death "adulterers" in most of the Western World. Much of the conservative wing of the church/state apparatus still seeks to inflict shame on an individual for having "sex out of wedlock". To be clear I am not trying to straw man Pro. I know that Pro did not in her argument promote shame. Still, others do promote shame for sex outside of wedlock and that does still resonate with many. What we see today is more of a reaction to shame that results in more loveless perversion. http://scielo.isciii.es... In the words of the band Cake, "Excess ain't rebellion… You're still drinkin what there're sellin……." http://www.lyrics007.com... d.If marriage is a state contract and we assume that a person should be married to have sex then we are continuing to relinquish control of our bodies to the state and then asking for permission to use our bodies in a matter that the state/church approves of. Often there are implied conditions attached. Can we afford to be married yet? Should we have to gain some stature in society to become married well and then grant ourselves permission with the blessings of others before having loving physical union with our soulmate/partner? Only when we love ourselves, know ourselves and take complete ownership of ourselves are we able to love another- Eric Fromm, The Art of Loving. e.Conclusion- The correct chain of causation is this: Clarity and self/other love creates communication which enables deep understanding , compassion and connectedness to your soul mate which can then result in a wonderful physical/spiritual union. All of these things should be a part of a healthy marriage but a good marriage also has many other requirements. Trust, common goals and common ethics are also very important to a good marriage. This is just a small list of important components of a good marriage. In short great sex is the fruit of love understanding and communication. It is also an important part of marriage. Sex is not a fruit of getting married. Many marriages lack love and sex. Many loving relationships lack a marriage contract. The idea of requiring marriage before sex is at best confusing. It is possible to have great loving and sex by waiting until marriage. It is unlikely to do so. People learn by living. Wouldn't it be better to know you are with the right soul mate from experience or is it better to roll the dice based on an illogical assumption?