Presidential Debate: Optimus Prime vs Dumbledore

Conservativepolitico asked "I believe that the government should stay out of the Middle East and all Middle Eastern affairs, but in the past the US has always had a history of trying to intervene in the Middle East when they never should have been. What is your policy regarding intervention in the Middle East?" Personally, I find the whole idea rediculous. I don't believe the middle-east even exists.Could someone please point out how you could locate the middle-east? Isn't that locationnonsense? Consider my list of other strange locations: Quasi-North Lower-Middle-South Inner-West Outer-Northeast Central South Left Intermediate Upper-side Sh!t don't make sense. Why are we defrauding the American people by spending tax dollars on regions that simply aren't real?Also, have you ever noticed that East and West are perpetual, but North and South are not? If you start walking east, you will never reach west, because you will continuously face east. It's perpetual.However, if you start walking North, you will eventually face South. Conspiracy!!! F*cking Wizard tricks!Regardless, if East is perpetual, where is the middle, that I might find the middle-east and kill all the Arabs?I believe my answer negates all of my opponent's remarks upon the middle east conflict. Unless Dimblenutz can prove that the Middle-East is a real place, I will extend my arguments into closing. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Viper-King asked "China is a proven currency manipurator and a country that doesnt rike free speech and other inarienabre rights. I personarry think China should be nuked into obrivion, but what is your stance on China's viorations of human rights?" (Optimus stares at Viper-King for several seconds) ........what the fvck are you saying? Do we have any other yellow-skinned troglodytes in the audience that can translate his ancient cave language? I mean, I will try to answer his question...but I don't know if I understood him correctly. I believe Viper-King asked:" Vagina is a proven current vibrator and a cvnt that doesn't rake fui-speek and other intercranial wipes. I purposefully thank Chilard should be knocked into a brimming thing, but what is your stain on Shynuts fire relations of Hubert Whites?" Well, I'm familiar with female sex toys but I think you're describing a different electronic component. I believe a Current Vibrator is used to convert DC current into AC current. Most people just call them Transformers (no pun intended). The second part of your question asked something about a cvnt that won't rake? Perhaps you need to seek a divorce if your cvnt wife won't help you with the yard work. The intercranial wipe can be arranged for a price. She won't remember a thing.You mentioned that Hubert Whites has strange fire stains on his "shy nuts"? Is that some sort of asian sexual practice? Did Hubert Whites perhaps burn his testicles in some weird candle-fvcking ritual?Let me give you some advice:" Ouch....hot! No touchy!" Ok, that was fun. Thank you Viper-King. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 16kadams asked "I immigrated to this country from Mexico and lived as an illegal immigrant for many years in New Mexico until I finally gained citizenship. Ok im still illegal but my question is, how will you address the illegal immigration problem this country faces?"I believe we should make it very difficult on illegal immigrants. If the United States adopts a posture of radical neglect toward the immigrant, perhaps the illegals will "self-deport". I also believe we should make the process of illegal immigration more sporting. If I'm elected President, I will build a wild-life preserve on the Mexican border. If the immigrant manages to survive a grueling trek through Lion infested terrain, he will have a fighting chance at crossing in the United States. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------My fellow Americans. I promised you a campaign of transparency and I have given that to you. I have illuminated my opponent's flagrant pedophilia. In fact, this picture was found on his personal computer just yesterday: I believe my opponent has condemned himself with his rancid boy-loving. Not only that, but his running mate was just sentenced to serve four consecutive life-terms for the brutal rape of Imabench.I am so convinced of my immenent victory, I will spend the rest of my round telling you a funny Muslim joke.A Muslim dies after giving his life to the cause of Jihad. He awakes in Paradise, surrounded by clouds and glorious light.In the distance, he sees a bearded man."That must be Muhammad!" exclaims the excited Muslim.He races toward the man and asks:" Are you Muhammad?""No", replies the man. "I'm Saint Peter. Muhammad is further up."The Muslim is excited by this news. The glorious prophet ranks higher than the apostle Peter. How wonderous.So the Muslim begins climbing the stairway to the next level of glory. In the distance he sees another bearded man.The Muslim begins running towards him. Out of breath and exhausted, the Muslim asks:" Are .....you....Muhammad?""No", replies the man, " I am Moses. Muhammad is further up.""Glory!" shouts the Muslim. Muhammad is even higher than the prophet of old.Exhausted, but determined, the Muslim climbs the stairs to the next level.Soaked in sweat, weak and exhausted, the Muslim pulls himself to the final level. In the distance he sees a bearded man, glowing in glorious light.The Muslim shrieks in excitement. He draws upon his inner strength and crawls over to the bearded man."Are you the glorious prophet Muhammad?" asks the Muslim."No", answers the man. "I am God. You look simply exhausted. Can I get you a cup of Coffee?""Yes Lord", answers the Muslim."Muhammad", yells God. "Two Coffees please".