This House would offer a free kitten to all newly-married couples

Accepted within 10 minutes? I have a feeling this might become quite a popular debate! First I'll give my definitions, then my plan, and then my opening substantives demonstrating why this is the greatest idea since sliced bread. Kitten: A baby cat, generally less than 18 months old. Often regarded as cute.Newly-married couples: Couples who have tied the knot in the preceding three months. Proposition's Plan We propose that, within three months of marriage, newly-wed couples will be contacted by the new DFD (Department for Feline Deployment) by telephone, and they will be asked if they would like a free kitten as part of the Government's new Harmony Through Cats Programme (hereafter referred to as the HTCP). All newly-wed couples will be offered this unless one or more members of the partnership have a previous criminal conviction for assault, child cruelty, animal cruelty or a related / similar crime. Couples will not be obliged to take part in the scheme but all couples who do not hold criminal convictions will be eligible for the HTCP. At this point couples will be invited to their nearest DFD cattery, where an animal psychiatrist will determine which cat is suited to the couple. The couple will then be sent merrily off with their new kitten, some basic supplies, and instructions for how to look after it / what to do if they want to withdraw from the HTCP. All kittens given away by the programme will be given away at the correct stage of their development (post-weaning etc).Argument I: Kittens = commitment Recent studies suggest that a good indicator of whether or not a marriage will last is whether or not those involved choose to bring a pet into the home. Generally, bringing a pet into the home shows that a couple are in it for the long haul. But bringing a pet into the home requires a conversation beforehand where the couple must consider this potential course of action. We think all couples should have this talk. Therefore, why not give them the chance to have this talk right at the start of their married life by offering them the chance of a free kitten? That way all couples will have to seriously consider if the marriage is right, giving people who are unhappy the opportunity to talk things through. Argument II: Kittens = an incentive to get married Cats are the most popular pets in the world by number owned - fact. Therefore, we as a species do love our cats. Just look at the Internet: typing 'cat meme' into Google produces 19million more results than 'dog meme'. So if we assume that people, in general, like cats - more so than dogs, anyway - then surely the offer of a free kitten is the purrfect (apologies for the pun) way to encourage people to get married. Many couples nowadays no longer see any benefits in marriage, but this number will surely fall when people are offered the chance to get a free kitten! We think marriage between two people in love is definitely a force for good, so we should have people getting married. Commitment - between the right people - is the basis of stable human relationships, and we think cats create commitment (see Argument I). Argument III: Kittens = the first step to children Many couples start off their married life thinking that they will not want to have children, because they think they are hard work, or disgusting, or all sorts of associated reasons. We believe, however, that many of these people will take up the offer of a free kitten because of all the magnificent reasons why they are good for you (I will elaborate more on this in my third speech). They will see the companionship benefits of a kitten - when you're living with your spouse and they're working late, play with Tiddles! - and all the other brilliant reasons to take part in the HTCP. We believe that this will then make them think that child-rearing will be easy, and this will cause them to have children even though they might not have been planning to. You see, kittens are very self-sufficient animals - contrary to popular opinion most cats are not particularly needy as long as they have toys to play with, and they know how to use a litter tray - which will make couples think child-rearing would not be particularly difficult. The benefits of couples unexpectedly having children is that it leads to population growth, which is needed to reverse falling populations in western nations. Therefore free kittens are a good thing. Argument IV: Kittens = a stable heart rate When the western world is rife with obsese people who have a high heart rate, we believe that kittens act as a force for good. Studies have shown that stroking a cat stabilises one's heart rate, which we believe is a good thing. It is a good thing because it will make people calmer and this, in turn, will reduce instances of domestic violence in the home, which is something of a problem amongst newly-wed couples. Therefore kittens serve to protect people who could be stuck in potentially dangerous relationships. This is one of the many health benefits of having a kitten, and I will present more in my third speech.In summary: While I am sure that my opponent will tell you that this is a cat-astrophic idea which will cat-apult us into a gloomier tomorrow, we believe that having kittens only leads to good things, so they should be offered under the new HTCP. Over to you, Con!