Presidential Debate: Optimus Prime vs Dumbledore

My opponents foreign policy positions are almost as bad as Transformers Revenge of the Fallen.... Which is really saying something. Optimus Prime went from submitting plans to Congress calling for the military conquest of the entire Middle East and renaming the region 'Towelheadistan' to denying that the Middle East even exists. Rest assured Optimus the Middle East does in fact exist, its the last place in the world where youre movies actually are received well by critics..... Whether or not you actually believe the Middle East doesnt exist or just trying to dodge CP's question is beyond me but I stand by my foreign policy position where we work with the Middle East through economic trade agreements to spread Democracy and Civil Rights when the time is right........... And then eventually convert the whole region into christianity so that they stop flying planes into our sh*t. After Optimus dodged that question he then dodged Viper king's question regarding China by claiming he doesnt know what hes saying. We all know that Optimus is just bullsh*tting us at this point, he still has the sticker on his fat a** that says 'Made in China' so we all know full well that Optimus know what Viper-King is saying, even if he does sound like he has a wad of peanut butter stuck on the roof of his mouth.... Optimus also never once brings up how he would handle the ongoing war we have with China, because it is still a fact that the Chinese are occupying several states on the Pacific coast. Instead talks about vaginal vibrators as a response to Viper's question, and even though I love talking about shoving vibrating gizmos into various holes in the body as much as the next guy, Optimus still dodged the question. He never even brought up how he would try to negotiate peace with Chinese Dictater P. F. Changs Toyota Gagnam Style Panda Express!....... As for the last question about immigration policy, Optimus shows another photo of my sexual orientation, but this one you can see is clearly photo-shopped. First off I would never be looking at a clock while having buttsex with a ginger, and second I would never even have buttsex with a ginger. I know that technically Gingers dont have souls and therefore arent actual people which means anything I do to them or their anuses isnt against the law, but come on man I have standards.....Now it is true that my VP candidate Masterchief was sentenced to four consecutive life sentences..... But hes masterchief, he'll have broken out of jail by two hours ago and everything would be back to normal. ==========================================================================Jesus I still have 5,000 characters.... Well since I have all this space I might as well just list my stances on other issues (both domestic and foreign policy wise) just to burn up some time. Stance on abortion - Let the states decide it. I personally only have sex with boys who cant even burn off a load by fapping so I have no knowledge in the sexual affairs of women, so I wont have a policy on something I do not completely understand. Stance on Campaign Finance Reform - It is in my belief that corporations are not people. I have never seen Texas kill a corporation before, and I have never sexually violated a corporation as a young child before, so I would push for an amendment that says corporations are not peopleStance on Labor Unions - Labor Unions killed hostess and now I dont have any twinkies to lure little boys to my van anymore.... F*ck labor unions, they dont serve a valuable purpose anyways. Stance on Cuba trade and travel embargo - I believe that we should end the embargo now that Castro is dead and that their communist regime has descended into anarchy (he died from autoerotic asphyxiation, in other words he choked himself to death masturbating while dressed up as Selena Gomez). Plus it would be awesome to see if anarchy really can work for a society, i mean it worked so well for Somalia right?Stance on the Israeli-Palestinian conflicts - They all look the same to me so I wouldnt interfere with them. Besides those guys are firing rockets at each other every week so I dont see any reward in ending the conflict. Stance on torture - I have always been a fan of torture. Love torture. Love it. Ive tortured several times and I have voluntarily been tortured as well (it makes sex SOOOOOO much better). So I am for itStance on Internet Censorship - I am against internet censorship and believe that if you have a problem with something you see on the internet and you dont like it then you should just be a f*cking adult about it and look at soemthing else rather then call for our banning... er... I mean... call for ITS banning.... Yeah, that. Stance on Evolution - I believe that if you are a creationist then you shouldnt be allowed to vote. Thats my policy on that. Stance on gambling - Hey I gamble every time I dont use a condom when im banging someones brains out, I support gambling and would encourage others to gamble as well because it just feels SOOOOO much better. Stance on gun ownership - LOL, go ahead and try to shoot me, Ill turn you into a gerbil and then shove you up my a** if you pull a gun on me. I am in favor of gun ownership. Stance on Medical Marijuana - I think marijuana does have some beneficial effects and can be effective medicine against common ailments, but I do think we need to restrict how you can get medical marijuana. For f*cks sake just yesterday I got a prescription for medical marijuana and the reason I have medical marijuana is because it cures my depression from not having any medical marijuana. Medical marijuana does have its benefits and its potential but we need to limit how one can get access to medical marijuana and stop people from abusing this system. Now if anyone wants to smoke this fatty with me when this is done just meet me behind the curtain. Potter is bringing the acid and we'll drop some of that once we're stoned out of our minds. Stance on Welfare - If youre on welfare and you can work but you choose not to then f*ck you, go kill yourself...Stance on government bailouts - Sorry im sort of an anarchist on this one, if a company is in trouble I dont want to help them out I want to watch it burn.... Hell sometimes Ill even throw gas on it. =========================================================================="Ok Mr. Dumbledore your time is just about up. Since this is the last round you can now give your final statements"==========================================================================Very well then, here is my final statements....Look at me....Now look at Optimus....Now back to me......Now back to him....Now back to me....Sadly he is not me..... But if he stopped using ladies bodywash and switched to new Neosporin-scented Old Spice with a hint of old man semen, he could smell like me.....Look down....Back up..... Where are we?We're on a boat....... And your with the man that Optimus could smell like. Whats in your hand? Back at me.... Its the new copy of Halo 4 that my VP has went through the trouble to get and its complimentary....Look again, the game is now a combo pack of Halo 4 and Call of Duty Black Ops II.....Anything is possible when you smell like new Neosporin flavored hint of old man semen Old Spice. Im on a horse...(CENSORED, THIS PICTURE THAT WAS POSTED OF DUMBLEDORE ON A HORSE VIOLATES THE TOS BAN ON THE POSTING OF PORNOGRAPHIC MATERIAL)==========================================================================Thank you everybody for a fantastic debate!!! I had a blast with this, I would like to thank Heineken for giving a great performance as well, we got 10 likes so Im definitely going to make another one of these. Thank you for reading, I hope you take the time to vote!:D