Nicolas Cage caused the government to shut down so he could steal the Declaration of Independence

Ill get right to it: evidence that Nicolas Cage shut down the government to steal the Declaration of Independence: 1) Nicolas Cage has a knack for doing crazy sh**We literally have a franchise of movies of him going after vital historical treasures in the search for other kinds of treasure.... Not only that, Nicolas Cage does crazy sh** in general. I mean for f*cks sake, he said yes to Ghostrider 2 and actually named his son 'Kal-el', which is actually Superman's birth name.Thats right, he actually named his son the same name as Superman http://content.time.com...2) Its pretty feasible to get Congress to shut down. I mean come on, the president is black so you know something bad was going to happen. (Literally every hollywood movie where the president is black has some apocalyptic event threatening the world.... Deep Impact, 2012, Idiocracy, etc). It was almost a given that Congress was going to self destruct sooner or later. All Cage would have to do is convince a few Republicans that Obamacare would destroy America (a very easy thing to trick a Republican Congressmen into believing) and literally sit back and wait for nature to take its course..... Its like when your girlfriend says something about your dad and then walks away, just waiting for you to bring it up again and fight about it......3) The best time to steal the Declaration of Independence would be when the government is shut down. I mean during normal times when Congress is only almost completely incompetent, the Declaration of Independence lies in the National Archives under heavy guard and under heavy watch, where its impossible to steal in one piece...... But with the government shut down, the National Archives can easily be broken into. All Cage would have to do is sneak in with his team, have a nerd knock out the security cameras, kill a janitor or two, steal the Declaration of Independence, and then carve religious symbols into the dead bodies to make it look like the Illuminati did it so that the US government would then ask Tom Hanks to follow a completely different set of clues to try to solve the murders as a distraction while Cage does whatever he wants with the Declaration of Independence. Sounds crazy I know, but who's the only person crazy enough to try something like that?Thats right, Nicolas f*cking Cage. 4) What could cage possibly want with the Declaration of Independence?There are several theories for why Nicolas Cage is stealing the Declaration of Independence......1 - Obama put an invisible map on it showing where and how to kill Miley Cyrus2 - George Washington put invisible instructions on it explaining how to bring future president Ronald Reagan back to life3 - Jefferson put invisible porn pics on it meant to be seen by Bill Clinton4 - The illuminati put an invisible clue on it that leads to the revelation that Mormanism is the one true religion5 - To find out what Scientologists did with the REAL Declaration of Independence and managed to leave a fake one in its place without anyone noticing6 - Cage is suffering from a mental disease where he thinks its his destiny to act out all his movies in real life7 - Cage is following clues to find out how the Chiefs are undefeated and why the Giants cant win a single game8 - Cage is trying to find the prophet of Christianity meant to restore faith into the world: Tim Tebow.9 - Someone dared him to10 - Because he literally can since the government is shut down right now.