Class assignment.

Hogwarts enrolmentStudent name: Henry Horse-Born the Hairy Penis. This is the story all about how my life got turned upside down, Because I’m a victim of mistaken idenity and child-hood abuse. The teachers at Hogwarts mistook my name Hairy Penis for Harry Potter. It was shortly after my 12th birthday that a giant man came knocking at my door asking my stepmother for a young boy, She of course retorted with, “whatever for? ” “To experiment with ma’am” And that’s how I got enlisted at Hogwarts. Upon arriving at Hogwarts I noticed all kinds of weird things and people. One such instance was this weird ginger kid called Ronald, He kept trying to touch me, But I declined his advances. All the teachers were rather old and accepted favors from the children in reward for candy and vodka. It wasn’t too long before I had earned my first bottle of Russian distilled vodka. I drank heavily that night, Not because I were a child alcholic like the other kids, But because I had to drown my sorrows and child-hood depression. Ron soon became my best friend, But I couldn’t shake the sense that he was trying to groom me. I knew Ron had chronic HIV and some form of terminal illness, Which was why when he urged me to commit a joint suicide, I politely declined. He commited on the 3rd week of my school year. Those times were dark, But things were about to get a whole lot darker. Nobody took the inititive to remove Rons dead body, So he was sort of just hanging out in the common room. I had no idea the human bowels released themselves after death, But after seeing a heap of fecease underneth Ron, It soon became apparent. Normaly it would fall to the janitor, Argus Filch to remove dead students, But he overdosed on heroin 4 days ago. It was time for dinner and Dumblecunt was going to give a speech regarding the sudden increase in drug abuse, Suicide and STD’s. I arrived at the great hall and sat beside a student who was clearly high on methamphetamine. Dumblecunt stood up. “QUIET DOWN NOW PLEASE AND THANK YOU. As you may all be aware there has been a sudden increase in criminal activity going on around the school. The problem is, The ministry of magic has caught wind of this and we will all have to lay low for a while, So I will not be selling meth behind the dumpsters after class. ” A large sum of students let out a groan in contempt. “Where will we get our smack from then? ” Retorted a gaunt first year. “Settle down, Professor Snape will be showing you how to make meth in bulk during potions. For those of you that do not go to class, Remember, You can always cast Avada Kedavra on yourself. ” Then it suddenly hit me, I was in a druggy school full of misfits and criminals. I realized the potential to make money and I knew how to do it. I would rob Dumblecunts drug stash. Later that day when I knew Dumblecunt would be tweaking meth in the toilets as he routinly does, I took the inititive to sneak into his room. The door handle to the room was sticky, I opened it and entered to the smell of freshly cooked meth. I walked up to a large oil drum to find a pasty, Methy looking substance, I knew this was his fresh batch. As I began to roll the barrel out of the room, I heard a couple of voices. “Mr, Please help us he’s got us captive” To my horror I saw some weary looking students that had been abducted by Dumblecunt, Locked behind bars. I engaged in a brief convosation and determined that they were infact, Dumblecunts dungeon babies. I wanted no involvment in that, And left them. On my way to my dorm I heard Snapes voice. “You boy. What have you got there, Why are you rolling an oil drum down the corridor? ” “Erm, It’s soup sir, For breakfast…. ” Snape looked at me as though I were stupid, He spat at my face and said, “F*** off I know that oil drum is full of the headmasters meth, I helped him make it. Now get out of my sight before my high wears off and I beat you up and rape you. ” TO BE CONTINUED IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF, Hairy Penis and the Goblet of Cum