2012 Presidential Debate: Wily vs. Light

People; my people. People of this great nation, my opponent has argued very well, for an applied scientist. But I believe his plans, his ideas, his view of human nature is fundamentally flawed; and I will answer his sophistries. First, he attacks my economic plan. Machines, to labor for us, to make our nation strong again, machines to save our lives. He argues that robots have a high cost of production, and this will certainly be true, at first - but those first robots will go straight to the robot factory, and in so doing create their own successors. In this way the cost of robot production will be driven down. My opponent then says that I lack an energy policy. Well, it is true that, unlike him, I do not owe my entire livelihood to Big Coal. But it is correct that I have not articulated an energy policy distinct from our nation's previous one. Rather, I think our current policy is a good one - increased investment in renewables, greater efficiencies and conservation. Our current failure is a failure of capability, a failure of the human will. With metal hands, with iron will, we will usher in a new age of energy. Finally, my opponent alleges that robotics production must happen overseas, that we as Americans are somehow not capable of leading this bold new robotic age. Yet this is not so, as a cursory look at our great history will show. In every case, the country that originates a technology enjoys a substantial period of dominance before that technology spreads. For instance, computers were the sole province of the United States until very recently - we innovate, and then production moves offshore to the cheaper labor. That's where my plan comes in! Robots will ensure that our labor costs remain low, and as long as the innovators - that would be myself and the good doctor, and I certainly don't plan on going overseas - as long as the innovators remain in America, working for you all so that you all don't have to, then the means of robo-production will remain in America. And America will remain great. As to my opponent's scurrilous implication that I desire unchecked central power, nothing could be further from the truth. I merely want to lift the burden from your brow, to let you live the life you want to live. Whether you want to work, or whether you want to relax, and enjoy your freedom, the freedom that I alone can offer you - there is room for everyone in the glorious robot future. My opponent promises that he will pull our troops out of our current wars, and will drastically cut military spending. Those are good goals, as he would know because I already announced them in my first speech. Human lives are precious and irreplaceable, and so I would replace them with robot soldiers - a robot can be programmed for much less cost than a human can be trained. Furthermore, the robots would be equipped with the ultimate safety protocols - no robot will ever hurt a human being, unless there is no other option to protect your safety. Of course I deplore, and I'm sure my opponent will join me in so doing, of course I deplore any loss of human life. But sometimes, for the greater good, for the futures of our children, we must make these difficult choices. I must give my opponent credit for his education plan. Math, science, and robo-engineering are indeed vital to our nation's future, and I would implement a special program, to seek out our best and brightest students and give them advanced, specialized training supervised personally by me. But while overall I think my opponent and I share common ground on education, I must take offense to his comment about robots "killing" human jobs. First, to me this smacks of anti-robot bigotry - I know that you, my great people, are better than that. But secondly, of course any human who still wants to teach will be allowed to. My plan is all about freedom - you have the freedom to work, but better you have the freedom from work. I cannot stress this enough - my opponent offers you a future of drudgery and penury. I offer you freedom and ease. The choice is clear.