I will lose this debate.

I am thankful for Con writing out everything his argument, but I will not thank him for it, as that may earn me conduct points. I will instead claim that I made love to Con's mother last night while he was out and about, looking for the horse of his dreams.I will now attempt to decipher Con's rebuttal and refute it, thereby demonstrating that I am have already lost this debait (and yes, voters, I did spell that wrong, so dock my friggin' points already). In the first four paragraphs of his rebuttal, my opponent is still trying to prove that we are, in fact, the same person. This reminds me of some crazy math sh*t [1] a friend of mine showed me back in high school that showed that even though he was half a foot taller than me, we were actually the same height. Was it mathematically sound? Possibly. I don't like math, and I forgot the stuff he did. Was he right? No. It was plainly obvious that he was still a full penis taller than me, and all the math in the world wouldn't change that. Similarly, Con and I are different people. It's as simple as that. He's kicking my butt, and no matter how he frames it, we are not the same person.In his fifth paragraph, my opponent makes the jump from subjective reality to something not existing simply because it does not have an impact on people's lives. The reductio ad absurdumb (yep, it's a pun!) conclusion of my opponent's argument is that no debate on this website matters, and therefore a winner and loser should not be decided, ever. Clearly, this is not the case; we all participate in, read, and vote on debates. Therefore, this debate does still matter, and I am losing. However, my opponent has demonstrated that he is benevolent and wishes to keep me from losing this debate, despite the fact that he is an asshat. Please award him the conduct point, because if you don't, I will burn kittens in a fire [2]. Also, I just called him an asshat.In his sixth paragraph… Well, his sixth paragraph makes my brain hurt. I'm skipping this one. Please let this decision to neglect part of his argument affect your voting as you see fit.His seventh paragraph makes reference to my accusation that Con prefers to pork pork. I believe he is also subtly implying that, because we are the same person, I enjoy hiding the salami in cows from time to time as well, but no matter. I've already shown above that we are not, in fact, the same person. Therefore, Con is still the only one cat-calling roosters. My brain is still hurting from Con's sixth paragraph, so I will ignore his eighth paragraph as well. Man, I'm in way over my head here. You should just vote for Con because I keep skipping stuff he wrote, which is insanely rude and shows that I'm losing hardcore.To the voters: As you can see, gentlemen and even more gentlemen [3], I have many reasons to lose this debate:-I have failed to address all of Con's points.-I have made blatant personal attacks against Con. (He prefers sheep over hens)-I have abundant speling erors.-My stomach aches. I might need to go poopies.-My debate was doomed to start due to its paradoxical nature.-My "sources" are terrible and irrelevant.-I have been emotional from time to time and let that get the best of me.-I have used inappropriate language multiple times (or tried to--this f*cking website won't let me).-Yeah, it's aching pretty badly. Time to go stuff the toilet.-I have argued from authority.-Con deserves your votes. He's a good kid.In sum:V O T E F O R C O NThanks for nothing, tools. ;DTotally unreliable sources:[1] I really want to swear. Just pretend that I'm swearing.[2] Idle threats = awesum[3] The subtle yet plainly obvious sexism is guaranteed to cost me votes, and if it doesn't, you guys are doing it wrong.