It's not wrong to say the N word.

ER is certainly used to mean 'stupid' in the strongest possible terms. Even by black people, At least in the US. I live in Georgia (deep south) so perhaps it's a southern thing, But that's absolutely how it's used. It's a great insult even when used by black people. It's a term that is even used against white people in similar situations. If you said the A word with someone I knew was your close friend it wouldn't bother me at all, Certainly. Again, It's just about knowledge of that relationship for myself. When people say 'the N word' they almost always are referring to ER. They're not remotely the same. There's really no scenario where ER is permissible for anyone, Even blacks. Most people recognize this. The harm from the word comes from flashbacks people get when you say it. Scenarios they have lived through, Potentially beatings that they have undergone where that word was used with that negative intent. This is similar to a victim being told a particular phrase over and over and you saying that phrase to them. Could be anything. If you knew that it caused such pain to them, You would certainly be wrong for speaking that phrase. There are other ways to get the point across without using these phrases. The harm that comes from it is not so simple as 'this is a phrase used by white supremacists. ' Many blacks living today have dealt with these situations. It is not terribly uncommon as you may think. I'm unsure of where you grew up and where you live, But racism is far from dead around myself. I know many blacks who have been beaten by people where this word was used, If not the focal point. Free speech is not an issue here. Free speech is guaranteed in the US, Within certain limits. You have the right to say this word if you'd like. You are not, And no one is, Free from the ramifications of those actions. Black people who use the "ER" term get into 'issues' with black people. It's not the case that only black people are 'allowed' to say it. Plenty of black people will dislike anyone using this term, Not just non-blacks. The "A" word is more widely permissible. The question of intent is difficult. There's no way for everyone that overhears you use that word to know what your intent is. Even said casually, Your intent can't always be made clear. In this case, As I said above, You will be mistaken for someone who actively dislikes black people regardless of how you use the word to those who don't absolutely know you well, And to those who don't know your relationship with your friend. At the same time, You are potentially causing harm to everyone who has had extremely negative situations in the past. You're using a word with the historical background of referring to people as literal sub-human garbage and potentially bringing up negative situations in people's pasts. The risk you take that you'll be seen as a racist is massive. The chance you'll be physically harmed is certainly non-zero. From a practical standpoint, There aren't many things more 'wrong' you can do in a nonviolent manner. If the goal is to eliminate people's negative views on the word, And other words, You do your position a disservice by using it in a nonchalant manner. The way to go about that is to address black friends, Get them to make it more of an issue, Et cetera. If people have a stigma against white people saying something, The solution is not to get white people to say more of that thing and have them say nothing's amiss. As someone who more or less advocates total free speech I understand that current reality and my ideal world are two very different things. I understand the best way to get from A to B is not by insisting on using these words before the debate has been had by the common folk. I believe the "f word" for example should be absolutely fine to use in college classes. Practically speaking, I can convince people of this and get to my ideal world faster without using it willy-nilly as I please in class. I would not last long in those classes were I to use it. People would not be inclined to listen to my rational arguments against their being triggered by said word. From both a practical view and the view of someone whose goal it is to change society, It is 'wrong' to say either N word. Our goal should either to be to eliminate the negative reaction people get when they hear it, Or to try to discourage anyone from using it, Even black people. Many blacks feel the "a" version of the word is part of their culture. It's not so easy to get to either ideal world from our current one when this is true. When so many blacks view things from a historical perspective, Another color of people saying A or ER is tantamount to someone saying 'black subhuman filth. ' Black people owned slaves as well, But both of these words do have far less sting when they come from another black person. There's no way around this because black people could have been either slaves or potentially slave owners, But with white people it's a virtual certainty which they'd likely fall into. With that, And the fact that most conscientious white people will try to avoid looking like a white supremacist by not using these two words, A white person using the term will immediately be thought of as a racist. You could very well not be one, Just someone trying to stick up for free speech. On one hand advocating free speech and sticking up for your guns is admirable, But when it actively does a disservice to your position can it be said to be 'right? ' I submit you can be correct that the word should not cause the problems it does while still being wrong for using it. This is my stance. May your thoughts be clear, -Thoht