Ray will get laid before Ethan.

*DISCLAIMER* I don't mean to hurt Ethan's feelings, he knows I'm kidding. Maybe First, my opponent sates that he "have a nice little stockpile of money stored away. This money could serve the purpose (if I so wished) to be used to have sexual intercourse with a professional. In short, I could go out on a street corner, pay $50 and get 15 minutes of good old-fashioned sex from a cheap whore. " However, certainly no prostitute would stoop even that low, to lay Ethan. He'd have to pay in thousands of dollars (and he has stated he only has $600) to get to even third base. In short, Ethan is too ugly, and too poor to get any prostitute to do him. In addition, I could just as easily go to the bank, withdraw some money, and being far sexier than you, get any random chick on the street. Thus making this point null. For his second argument, Ethan cites Wikipedia, which is an automatic no. Even though that's the right definition. But, he states "To answer the question of whether masturbation is technically getting laid I cite wikipedia. org, saying "Autoeroticism is the practice of stimulating oneself sexually. This is sexual intercourse, and as he defined getting laid as "to have sexual intercourse with" This is having sexual intercourse with oneself. " However, according to dictionary. com (the more reliable source that can't be edited by anybody at any time): Dictionary. com Unabridged (v 1.1) - Cite This Source - Share This sexual intercourse –noun genital contact, esp. the insertion of the penis into the vagina followed by orgasm; coitus; copulation. [Origin: 1790–1800] Dictionary. com Unabridged (v 1.1) Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, ï¿½ Random House, Inc. 2006. So unless my opponent has a vagina AND a penis and can insert his own penis into the vagina, and can have an orgy (which probably won't happen if you're um. .. bending it, should we say? =P), he will not get laid before me. Third way: But you also can die at any moment, making this point null also. Fourth way: This does not signify that I'm too picky, but rather that there's a large pool of options for me to choose from. You may not be as picky as me, but that doesn't increase your chances of getting laid. Also, you don't have a larger selection to choose from, since I know and talk to alot more girls than you. And I could probably cite witnesses/people who know XD Now that I have successfully proven that even under these circumstances, if they are possible, I can still get laid before Ethan, I'll list my many reasons of why I will, in fact get laid before him: 1) Ethan is afraid of hugging girls. As I have observed multiple times, while a girl attempts to give Ethan a hug, he timidly puts his arms around her, although not touching her with his hands but rather clasping them together, and looks awkwardly from side to side. If he is afraid to engage in a simple greeting of another girl, how can he expect to get laid? I, on the other hand, hug multiple girls every day at school. Making me sexier than him, as I stated in my first rebuttal, and knowing more girls well, which increases my chances of getting laid first. 2) Ethan is short, while I am 5'9'. How is he going to get laid if the girls won't even have to get on her knees? 3) Ethan has virtually no (visible) muscle or fat, while I have considerably large muscles, and am not skin and bones. If Ethan cannot even lift me (120 pounds), how does he hope to be more attractive than me? 4) Ethan is athletically challenged in most sports (except maybe soccer? ), while I am talented in many sports, including basketball, football, hockey, soccer. This makes me appear more attractive, and allows me to show off, increasing my chances of getting laid. 5) Ethan uses large scientific words when unnecessary. As the biology teacher calls on him to answer a question he responds with such words as "flora" and "fauna" in place of "plants" and "animals". Many people in the classroom (including me, and all the attractive girls) now turn around and give him a combination of weird/dirty/awkward looks. As a result, this makes him look like he has little life outside of this subject, spends too much time studying, is a complete nerd, or any combination of the three. As most people should know, girls don't like it when you study all the time, or know too much about biology. This decreases his chances of getting laid by a great margin. 6) Many girls proclaim their love for me (as in, the statements "I love you Ray(mond)", "I love Ray", etc. ) on a regular basis. This increases my chance of getting laid by them/laying them. Ethan, on the other hand, has no girls proclaim their love for him (that I know of). 7) According to the widely watched TV show starring Ray Romano, "Everybody Loves Raymond", everybody loves Raymond. I will put this argument into syllogistic form: "Everybody Loves Raymond" is accepted as a true statement. My (birth)name is Raymond. (I am Raymond. ) Therefore, everybody loves me. If everybody loves me, there is a much stronger chance I will get laid before Ethan, whom everybody does not love (because the show is not called "Everybody Loves Ethan").