Pirates are cooler than Ninjas

I'll refute his points, then move on to my own. (Screw formalities, dawg) 1.) Pirates have treasure. Ninjas are broke. This isn't true. Pirates have treasure only if they can procure it from battleships. Ships that may take months to find, and even then they must go to port and find them, whereas Ninjas can procure money anytime they want, they simply must scale a wall or two and reap the rewards. 2.) Pirates have really awesome ships with cannons and stuff. You can't beat that. Let's assume that by ships we're saying they have superior modes of transportation, especially because of the weapons (cannons and stuff). However, Ninjas rely on their own two feet. This shows great strength, because a ship requires materials and can only run on water, feet can run anywhere on land and can be used to swim in water. As to the guns, Ninjas can easily attach shurikens to their feet in order to execute flying kicks to eliminate foes. That's way better than cannons. 3.) Pirates have guns. Ninjas have shurikens. A gun is much more reliable. The reliability of a gun comes into question. A ninja can throw a shuriken from 50 feet accurately, whereas a pirate flintlock has horrible accuracy. Furthermore, the reload time on a gun is much more than a shuriken. You see that shurikens can be thrown one after another accurately for 100 yards, whereas a flintlock takes about 30 seconds to reload and is inaccurate after 50 yards or so. 4.) Pirates get to have sex with loose women at every port. Loose women means disease and drunk sweaty bar sex. Ninjas get to have classy, high-profile sex with Geishas and other women specifically trained to please a man. That's much better than a random bar wench. 5.) When they're at sea, pirates get to have awesome gay sex with their shipmates. Who doesn't love hot sweaty pirate gay sex? The only difference between Ninjas gay sex and Pirates gay sex is that pirates have to deal with the rocking of the ship. This could be considered pleasurable, however the violent rocking during turbulent storms is infinitely less preferable than the high-class sex that ninja males can have anywhere. What's better, sex on top of Mount Fuji or slippery vomit covered sex? 6.) Pirates have big crews to back them up in a fight. Ninjas, for the most part, are alone. Pirates REQUIRE big crews because they're weak alone. Ninjas can hold their own against multiple adversaries whereas Pirates are limited by the strength of their men. This also gives Ninjas a coordinating advantage because they know exactly what they're going to do, but Pirates are forced to follow a mass-group. 7.) Pirate captains get to command people around. Ninjas have no underlings. Look to the coordinating advantage above. Also, Ninjas have no underlings WHEN ON A MISSION. Before and after missions there are clandestine ninja houses in which ninjas are given missions. Ninjas have rankings as well as pirates. 8.) Johnny Depp played a pirate, and Johnny Depp is awesome. No awesome actor like Johnny Depp ever played a ninja. Jet Li, Jackie Chan, every teenage mutant ninja turtle. I don't see any teenage mutant pirate turtles. 9.) Pirates wear a beard. Chuck Norris also wears a beard. 'Nuff said. http://en.wikipedia.org... Chuck Norris was a master of Karate, which is a Ninja art. So instead of having a simple "representation" of Piracy, he actually learned the techniques and practiced the techniques of a Ninja. To my contentions: 1.) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. There are no mutant animal pirates. 2.) Ninjas were agents of political revolt in Japanese culture. They actually have an intellectual background, making them both physically awesome AND intellectually awesome. 3.) Pirates are forced to use materials and others, whereas Ninjas rely solely on themselves, making them thoroughly stronger than any pirate. Thanks~