The Flying Spaghetti Monster and Jesus

I have issued this debate as a challenge to anyone. It is a debate that is two part . The first part will be on whether or not Jesus could be the spawn of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and will take up rounds 1-3. Rounds 4 and 5 will be on if the Flying Spaghetti Monster makes for a better diety and is more legitimate in doing its job than Jesus. I will be Pro for both of these parts obviously. So incase anyone doesnt understand I will be advocating the FSM and my opponent defending Jesus. Now onto part one of the debate. I say that Jesus could in fact be the illigetimate son of the Flying Spaghetti Monster for the following reasons. (Which are also for my points in that number and order) 1)Both like alcoholic beverages. 2)Both displayed amazing powers 3)Both are often around prostitutes I shall expond on these points further on in my speech. But first onto my first reason for why Jesus could be the son of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Jesus claimed to be the son of God. Therefore he could have been proclaiming to be the son of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Also both have many similarities such as the ones listed above. Also if the Flying Spaghetti Monster created the earth while drunk according to the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Then I am sure that he could while drunk have sex with a woman. Normal humans do it all of the time. Also as the Flying Spaghetti Monster is super natural he could use his tentacles to keep Mary a virgin. But enough about that disturbing topic onto my points. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- These are my main points for this round. 1) Both liked alcoholic beverages. To anyone who as ever encountered a Pastafarian it is clear that the Flying Spaghetti Monster LOVES alcoholic beverages. This is seen clearly as according to the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster their is a beer volcano in heaven. Also the Flying Spaghetti Monster supposedly created the universe after heavily drinking and it was in fact his intoxication that led to the many flaws on Earth. Now if anyone has every read the Gospel of Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John they would know that Jesus himself liked wine. In fact that was one of the things that he served at his last meal with the disciples (Last Supper). It is believed by many that Jesus drank wine while at the Pharisees house also as it was often served during that time period. Also Jesus even made an analogy saying "I am the True Vine you are the branches. If a man remains in me he will bear much fruit. " and back then vine was associated with the grape vine whose fruit was used to make wine. Furthermore Jesus even turned water into wine! In the Bible it tells us that Jesus was at a wedding and that there were so many people that they ran out of wine. Jesus had some servants bring him jugs filled with water. He them proceeded to turn the water into the best wine anyone had ever tasted! So as one can see Jesus liked wine. The Flying Spaghetti Monster liked wine. They both like wine. Now this story of Jesus' power brings me to my next point. 2) Both displayed amazing powers. Both the Flying Spaghetti Monster and Jesus displayed the ability to fly. Jesus show that he could walk on water, heal people among many others. I'm sure my oppenet will tell more about the powers of Jesus later on. As for the Flying Spaghetti Monster he can create many things even whist drunk or whilst with an intense hang-over. He can also do much more that I will elaborate on in later rounds. But as one can see both Jesus and the Flying Spaghetti Monster are clearly supernatural and displayed powers not of this world. 3)Both are around prostitutes From the Bible we can learn that during Jesus' time on earth he hung out with prostitutes as well as many other sinners. He hung out with these people so much so that the Pharisees and other officials would say that he must be evil because he hung out with them so much. No even though we know this to be far from true as Jesus came to seek and save the lost it does not excuse the fact that he hung out with prostitutes. Similarly the Flying Spaghetti Monster has supposedly placed a stripper factory in heaven and both hell. However according to the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster the stripper factory in hell's strippers have STD's. So as one can see both like prostitutes. That concludes my arguments for round one. I hope my opponent accepts this challenge and I hope people enjoy this debate. :)