britney spears

Hello roastshow, Although I find this argument to be rather pointless and I agree 100% with your point that Britney spears isnt worth our sympathy and is above all else a waste of the oxygen that she requires to live, I am a enthusiastic practictioner of the art of debate so for the sake of practice (and because I think its going to be fun) I am going to try to formulate a decent argument for this icon of white trash idiocy. I am studying to be a lawyer so eventually im sure I am going to have to defend some completely crazy idiot like her in the future. I might as well practice now, I will treat this as a trial I guess, to add to the humor p.s. I am proud of my 100% ratio and im risking it here on a really silly argument so consider this when you vote for the winner guys = ) ALL RISE, THIS COURT IS NOW IN SESSION. WE ARE BACK FROM RECESS TO HEAR THE CLOSING ARGUMENTS IN THE CASE OF SPEARS V. COMMON SENSE council, you may make your closing statement, followed by a rebutal from your opponent. Thank you your honor Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my client Ms. Spears, deserves your sympathy. She has been the object of countless attacks on her integrity that are obviously motivated by her ex husband, whom america affectionatley knows as "K fed" (what a rediculous name :sigh:) K Fed wants to keep Ms. Spears in the media in anyway he can because she is the only thing that seperates him from any other washed up failed white rapper who's existence is clearly irrelevant to the world at large. K-fed needs the attention to be directed at ms. spears and by association, him because he is a shinning example of how there are certain human beings who are truly terrible at everything life throws their way. His musical efforts were a complete joke and no one is laughing. The only thing shorter than k-feds rap career was the length of his formal education. Why does he need to do anything to keep her in the media one might ask? The answer lies in my client's obvious lack of anything that can be even remotely compared to a successful career. This dooms her to become nothing more than an overweight former pop icon who will eventually be found dead in her appartment from an overdose, and given more media recognition in her 30 second television obituary, than in the last 5 years of her career. For this reason again, she deserves your sympathy. How would you feel if you spent the first several years of your youth riding on the coat tails of your adolescent good looks and outrageous attire impersonating a talented individual only to have your image come suddenly crashing down to spite you? How would you feel if the average length of your marraiges was less than most television programs, and the ensuing guilt pushed you to marry a completely worthless, racially confused future french fry chef training to become a mediocre vanilla ice impersonator? Wouldn't you want a pat on the back and a little understanding? Ladies and gentlemen if you were my client how would you deal with the fact that your younger sister's pregnancy sold more media products than your last album release? What would you do if you were so stressed out by the world's constant invasion of your privacy that you were left with no choice but to shave off ALL of your hair for attention? Would you not end up in the same stupor and confusion as my client? wouldn't you occassionally forget that you were, in fact NOT a british pop princess, and start talking in a british accent causing most of the civilized world, and your parents, to doubt your faculties so much that they seized what little you had left of your fortune, before you sold it all for crack and other assorted narcotics and opiates? The answer is yes, if you had to deal with the fact that your entire life is a lie, you are not a talented american icon, but instead a dirty white trash skank who's most recent positive media portayal showed you shaving your head and personifying insanity while holding your child, resulting in you ultimately being kicked into the pit of death by a bad portrayal of leonidus from 300. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury how can you not pity this woman!!! :: council points at spears who has lost all interest or knowledge of her surroundings and is starring wide-eyed in total fascination with the ball point pen on the councils desk in the court room.:: I mean look at her!!!! she's completely insane! ravaged by a bitter fall from grace that ended in the decimation of a once proud musical career of provocative musical videos, and TRL appearances with carson daily!!Her life truly has been a down hill spiral from a once privledged stance. During her once prestigous career she was offered millions of dollars by a desperate man for just one night of sex! look at her now!!! She has resorted to hooking up with random college students who just happen to be relaxing in a jacuzzi, into which, she was too drunk to avoid falling. She better contact that man who offered her that money a few years ago, and take him up on his offer before he moves on to paris hilton or nicole riche, because it may be the last significant amount of money she will ever see before she resorts to a minimum wage dead end job at taco bell, along with the rest of her pitiful white trash kind. Ladies and gentlemen, I feel I have made a strong case. My client has absolutley no longer has any chance at any kind of dignified existence. It's all over for her. She will be branded and forever held up as the symbol of exactly what not to do if you don't want to ruin your musical career and eventually lose your children, your house, your fans, all your respect, and most of your concern for personal hygeine. She has no chance at even a meager shadow of redeeming her former career, she should at least crawl into the dark depths of meaninglessness wearing a badge of sympathy from humanity. ::The jury turns to view Spears snorting lines made from the contents of several sweet and low packets she smuggled into the court room:: Ladies and gentlemen. . . . . . . .I rest my case