Dolphins enjoy wearing turtleneck sweaters

The proposed question is one that has plagued man since the beginning of his very existence. Philosophers, governmental agencies, and even historians has worked tirelessly throughout the ages to answer the question of whether or not dolphins actually do enjoy wearing sweaters. But before we can answer this question for the ages, several other issues must be resolved. The question is actually two-parts. The first being whether dolphins actually wear sweaters, and if they do, whether or not, they actually enjoy wearing sweaters. Dolphins are considered the most intelligent creatures in the sea. This, however, does not seem to satisfy our ocean dwelling friends as they have always desired to be the most intelligent creatures in the world and indeed replace man in that respect. In fact, at a dolphinarium, a man standing by the pool's window noticed that a dolphin calf was watching him. When he released a puff of smoke from his cigarette, the dolphin immediately swam off to her mother, returned and released a mouthful of milk, causing a similar effect to the cigarette smoke. With this in mind, it is conceivable that the Dolphins burning desire to emulate man would push him to the extreme measure of actually wearing a turtleneck sweater. There are, however, problems with this. (7) First let's examine the evidence presented by my opponent which is a ‘staged" picture of a dolphin with a woven article of clothing around its "neck". While I concede that this is indeed fabric of some sort, it cannot be a turtleneck sweater. The deep blue water in the background of this so-called evidence indicates this picture was taken in the Caribbean or perhaps even southern Florida. It is common knowledge that the hot arid climate in either of these locations would prohibit the wearing of a sweater let alone the enjoyment of wearing this article of clothing by these intelligent creatures. Miriam -Webster defines a sweater as: 1: one that sweats or causes sweating 2 a : a knitted or crocheted jacket b : a heavy jersey worn in ice hockey. Since our "Delphinus capensis" or long nose dolphin friends do not sweat or participate in ice hockey my opponent would have you believe that this is a knitted or crocheted jacket. Miriam- Webster defines a jacket as: 1 a : a garment for the upper body usually having a front opening, collar, lapels, sleeves, and pockets. It is clear from the picture submitted that the garment worn in my opponents picture clearly does not meet the definition as it does not have sleeves because our dolphin friend does not have arms to fill them. As to my assertion that dolphins actually prefer top hats and monocles, let me elaborate. Being at the top of the intellectual food chain mandates that dolphins consider themselves superior to their fellow oceanic dwellers. I submit that it is only logical, that a creature with such great intelligence would not lower itself, by wearing an article clothing such as a turtleneck sweater commonly worn by those of lesser intellectual and social stature. I respectfully submit the following articles as evidence to back up my claims. 1. . http://www.sofurry.com... 2. . http://ironmaiden720.deviantart.com... 3. . http://cgi.ebay.co.uk... 4. . http://www.flickr.com... 5. . http://girl-on-the-moon.deviantart.com... (can you find the dolphin? ) 6. . http://cossiethegreat.blogspot.com... 7. . http://lightworkers.org... The overwhelming evidence that has been submitted answers, once and for all, the question that has plagued mankind for generations. The issue can finally be put to rest that dolphins do not wear, and could not enjoy wearing turtleneck sweaters. It has been shown through evidentiary submittals that dolphins indeed prefer tophats and monocles, except for those rebellious youngsters. It must be stated, however, that I did not happen upon this debate by accident, I found it on porpoise.