16kadams Tourney: Newt Gingrich's Moonbase Idea Will Happen

Newt a newt? My opponent claims that even though his name is imabench that doesn't mean he's a bench. However I have to ask my opponent how on earth he can't be a bench even though he both claims he is a bench and is called bench. Dis makes no sense! ?! ?! ! And Rick isn't actually a frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter ? !? !? What! ! Noooooooo! The resemblance is undeniable! Premise 1-3 (Re-Cap: The moon is made of cheese, which is a kind of meat, which gets smelly when it gets old) My opponent agrees. 4. People don't like to live in a smelly environment. Mr. Bench disagrees for the fact that people live in Cleveland and Los Angelas. However do they like living there? Here's a picture of someone from Cleveland (Berenice Abbott), and does she look happy? She looks freaking depressed! ! In fact she looks like she's just been through the holocaust! 5. In order to make it not smelly they would chose to cook the beef. (The moon) My opponent agrees. 6. The most efficient way to cook the moon is too bring the sun closer to it. "Yes but you could also nuke it with radiation, which is how microwaves work"True, but everyone knows radiations has a strong effect on newts and thus even if they did use this method, Newt's brain would get fried (At least more than it is already) from the microwaves that bounce back from the moon onto earth. 7. Bringing the sun closer to the moon would cause global warming on the moon "Not according to conservatives"Moderates for the win. Yay 8. Bringing the sun closer to the moon would bring the sun farther away from earth. "Completely false, the Moon and the Earth are basically married, if the Moon makes new friends then the Earth has to meet them too, that's how marriage works no matter how annoying as f*ck the person's friend is" The laws of gravity state that if planet 1 goes and makes friends with planet 2, planet 3 will burn planet 2's house down. . http://www.debate.org... This law of gravitation can be demonstrated with the following equation; Either way, the moon will be destroyed. 9. Bringing the sun farther away from earth would cause global cooling. "But its coming closer" No no 10-12 (Re-Cap: Global cooling causing Bin Laden to come back from the dead, rising to power and joining forces) My opponent agrees 13. Global cooling would cause Hitler to come out of hiding. My opponent claims that Hitler never existed, however he cites FREEDO as the source. FREEDO is part of the ilumanati as you can see by his profile. . http://www.debate.org...He is just doing what he does best, spreading propaganda for fnord. 14. If Hitler came out of hiding he and Bin Laden would become buddies. "I disagree, Osama hates all westerners" Pro disagrees b'cuz he thinks Bin Laden hates all westerners. However what he fails to realize is that directions on a compass do not really exist! For example, look at a map. It is flat and we can see that on the leftish side is europe. Thus according to this map, Germany is on the west. BUT! this is just a deception! The earth is round not flat! We know this because the earth is the left testicle of the god of kittins(. http://www.debate.org...). Testicles are round. The earth is a testicle thus the earth is round. Round objects, like testicles, do not have compassal directions because it is all subjective to where you are looking from. All Hitler needs to do is point this out and Bin Laden will be all fine with it. 15-17(Re-Cap: Bin Laden and Hitler would hide out on the moon and plot to destroy the world together but Chuck Norris would stop them) My opponent agrees. 18. The only way Chuck Norris could stop them would be to destroy the moon. "DONT TELL CHUCK NORRIS HOW TO DO HIS JOB" Her. .. dur, I am Chuck Norris dude. See my profile says so. First conclusion: The moon won't be there for a base to be built"Then why did they agree to cook the moon in the first place if people didnt already live there? " They agreed to cook the moon because of the secret base the illumati already have there! "Newt Gingrich has a fat head. " My opponent agrees. (Obviously) 1) Possibility of Newt's second term even happeningFor the sake of clarity I would just like to re-affirm my opponents sexiness, and that the magnitude of it is far to over-whelming for I to refute his sensual contention. 2) Newt's commitment to this idea :: If H equals my penis and F equals your mom while D = Newt Gingrich's man boobs, and C = cookies, then I will concede this point. : "Let the record show that the Con conceded this point"So my opponent has proved cookies, however there is still one MAJOR question to be posed. Are they chocolate chip or oreo? Because personally I like choc-chip. Oh also how do cookies prove your point? "2) Newt's commitment to this idea" My opponents pictures aren't working any more for some reason, however from memory I remember some hot smoking chick waving a flag on a moon and some fat dude eating nachos or something, supposedly on earth. Now my opponent is very tricky. He tells us to look at the moon, but what is most attracting the focus of our vision is a sexy babe, probably photoshoped, supporting a flag. Then in his picture of earth we have this obese nacho kid deflecting our gaze. Let's get rid of this incumberences and see how the moon really does look compared to the earth. Pretty good looking right? And now. .. . Er. .. .So yeah point made. Newt would way rather bang earth than the moon. "3) The technology to make a moon base exists":: NASA will sabatage the whole operation and therefore this point is null: "Chuck Norris will stop them, UNLESS YOU QUESTION HIS ABILITIES AGAIN"But as I have now revealed my true identity we know that I am Chuck Norris therefore you can trust my word that Chuck will not foil the iluminati's operations. WHY YOU SHOULD VOTE CONMy opponent is a bench. That is all. Now that is all.