If corporations are persons then they should have all of the responsibilities & priviledges we do

If corporations are persons then they should have all of the rights and responsibilities of persons.A few rules:1. No new arguments in the final round.2. Semantic arguments will be ignored, focus on the effects.3. Match my style and this will be a fun debate.4. Burden of proof is stupid in a world where corporations are people.5. Read the fifth argument in the second block.The Citizens United ruling extends personhood to all corporations. Under this concept, it is perfectly reasonable that the following should be true.Responsibilities1. Corporations should pay income taxesI am a person, the audience are persons and I would assume my opponent is a person (unless a robot accepts the debate). Americans all pay or will pay income taxes because we are residents in America. As a person residing in America, corporations should be extended this same privilege. Otherwise, they are just loafers who don't want to contribute to society. No one likes the guy who lives in his mom's basement.There is a clear implication to this: as most corporations would qualify for the highest income bracket ($400,000.00/year and up) they would be paying 39.6% of their income to the Federal Government. I'm unsure as to how much revenue this would create, but I assume it'd be in the trillions, meaning that the U.S.A. can pay off it's debt within the next couple years and then expand it's education and military funds to make us the hegemon again and spend our way to Utopia!http://www.forbes.com...2. Corporations should be required to register for the draftAgain, residents and even non-residents are subject to this rule.The implications are that in an event of a draft, GM, BP, GE, Starbucks and others will be fighting alongside our draftees in the trenches of whatever mess we get involved in next. And honestly, I would probably be more resistant to PTSD if my barista-battle-buddy was giving me with a steady supply of caramel frappucinos. Delicious.http://www.sss.gov...http://larosaknows.com...3. Corporations should pay the Estate TaxPersons can't combine to become one entity, believe me my girlfriend has tried and no matter how clingy she was I still was my own person. So it stands to reason that when two corporations join together, in a buyout for example, the new entity cannot be the same entity as before and the previous entities are functionally gone as independent "persons", so in a sense the previous corporations had died leaving their resources to the new corporation. This is quite obviously inheritance, so the new company should be subject to the same taxes we are when inheriting resources from say, our parents.The same implications of my first argument apply here.PrivilegesBut corporations don't just need to fulfill their obligations! They need to benefit from the same privileges we do! Otherwise that would be unfair, wouldn't it?1. They get Social Security!Is your corporation growing into old age? Guess what? It gets a weekly $400 check from the government!2. They can apply for Welfare!Is your corporation unemployed or underemployed by America? It gets another weekly check!3. They can't be discriminated against!Is your corporation being boycotted because it hates "The Gays"? Chick-fil-e, sue the pants off of those Liberals!4. They can run for public office!I mean hell, Schwarzenegger got elected to be the Governator and I'm not even sure he's a person, I mean, check out this picture the press got: To be fair, he can show more emotion than a corporation can.5. If you're still taking me seriously there's something wrong with you.6. They can get free housing!Not making enough to make ends meet? Well the government will give your corporation a place to live!7. They can get student loans!Are you just a young corporation trying to come up in the world? Well college is a great way to do that!8. They can get emergency care!Has your corporation been literally or metaphorically shot? Heart attack? Hemorragging? Overdosed? Well just like the bum on the street, you'll be helped by the government to help save your "life", no matter the cost!I mean doesn't that all sound fair and reasonable to these persons that surround, feed, clothe, dictate to, employ and love us?