Presidential Debate: Peter Griffin vs Eric Cartman

I would first like to address Fatty McLarda**'s statements about Israel. Now im a fan of creating a country over an already existing country as much as the next guy, but I dont think we should be forcing Jews out of this country when there is clearly another option....... To deport all the Hawaiians instead. Jews are a very useful people. They know how to help people do their taxes, they know how to secretly control a large majority of the US media, and the Jews gave us Jon Stewart, a man that my own vice president has worked with very well on numerous occasions. Hawaiians on the other hand are smelly, make terrible neighbors, and contribute nothing to society. Seriously, when was the last time you heard someone play a Ukelele and you DIDNT want to bash them over the head with it? Hawaii is a great place to visit, but so is a live volcano. I rest my case.....(Note to self, remember to buy volcano insurance with Lois's rainy day fund) The next thing that Honey Boo Boo over there talks about is that the world should fear the US more then love us. I contend that it is better to be loved then feared, because people who fear you stay away from you, but people who love you will give you oral!Dont you want the world to give America the good old fashioned oral it rightfully deserves? We tried making 'hummers' so that the world would try to see what we want but they didnt catch the hint. My point is that when people love other people, they give them Oral! Unless those people accidentally taped over their wedding video with soft porn to spice it up a little and end up getting yelled at by my own mother.....Oral makes everything better too. Its also the best way to wake up in the morning, just this morning I woke up and my wife Lois had decided to handcuff me to the bed and basically my penis and her tongue were tied together more then- * A beer bottle flies from offstage and nails peter in the head*Ok yes alcohol was involved, but my point-*A second beer bottle is flung from offstage and nails peter in the head*BUT MY POINT IS that it is better to be loved then to be feared because people who love you will give you Oral. People who fear you wont do that unless theyre vietnamese and you pay them up front first. Speaking of Vietnamese whores.... Yeah I went there....The final thing that La-Phung-Phat-Ahss over there talks about is drones and drone warfare. His argument is that we should continue using drone warfare because it will then give us an industry that caters specifically to Xbox nerds. Now I have issues with this, because I once played Modern Warfare and all I did was jump around and throw grenades at my own team. Granted I was new, but i was still bombarded with hateful comments from other players in the game, and I do not feel comfortable with letting these gamers operate drones in war zones, let alone PAY Them to do it...Imagine if the government decided to pay Rationalmadman to operate a giant war drone and the excuse they gave for even continuing to use drones was so that people like Rationalmadman could get paid to do the only thing he does best! (Be a d*ck to people)By this logic, the government should start spending money making amateur movies starring Johnny Depp just so that Tim Burton could direct them..... Or make beloved anime stories just so that M Night Shyamalan could f*ck it up with an over-hyped movie with needless 3D everywhere.....==========================================================================Ok Mr Griffin, since you answered all the questions and replied to mr Cartman's answers it is now time for you to give a closing statement on why people should vote for you and why they shouldnt vote for Cartman. Please keep it less than 500 words. Mr. Cartman must also do the same thing when he is finished. ==========================================================================Mr Tebow says that I now have to give a 500 word closing statement on why you should vote for me and why you shouldnt vote for Cartman.... But the Patriots game is on and its the playoffs now, so instead I will have my vice president give my closing statement for me. Everyone please welcome to the stage, Mr Stephen Colbert!*Stephen is carried on stage in a golden carriage being hoisted by 12 people who appear to be Occupy Wall Street protesters wearing chains and currently being held at gun point**The brigade stops, loweres the carriage, and Stephen steps out and greets the audience. He is wearing what looks like something that makes him look like the Statue of Liberties Pimp*Good evening ladies and Gentlemen. I am your Vice Presidential cnadidate Stephen Colbert, and I am currently not wearing any boxers. They dont have enough support to carry my balls anymore. I chose to be Mr Griffin's vice president because Bill O'Reilly still continues to not answer my calls asking him to run for president with me as his vice president.... He doesnt answer my calls because he is currently in a hospital for the mentally insane and they dont let anyone call any of the patients. Now I was offered to be Cartman's vice president on the same day that mr Griffin sent me the same offer, but I decided to be Mr. Griffins right hand man. I chose to run with Griffin because I believe he can lead this country better then Cartman can. And when I told Cartman that he proceeded on hurling a long list of jew-related insults and derogatory statements at me- ==========================================================================Me Griffin, As the moderator I have made it so that only you can give a final statement, not your vice president. And Mr Colbert isnt even allowed to be on the stage.....==========================================================================Well Mr. Tebow, as a New Yorker I have made it so that only Quarterbacks who have started a game sometime this season can tell me and Mr Griffin what we can and cant do.....*Mr Tebow sits down in shame*Now then..... I believe that Griffin can run this country better then Cartman because for starters, Cartman isnt even tall enough to reach the desk in the Oval Office, but more importantly because Mr Griffin...... IS A FAMILY GUY(Yes I just did that, deal with it)Family is what has given America its supremacy in the rest of the world for so many years. Having a father bring home the bread while the mother cooks while the daughter b*tches about everything while the son tries to do exactly what the father does is what makes this country great. Cartman meanwhile comes from a dysfunctional family where the father is gone which has caused Cartman to simply be a real dick to everyone. Why? Because he never gets punished for it! His mom never stops him, and if he becomes president, nobody will be able to stop him....That is why I chose to run with Griffin and why you should NOT vote for Cartman. Because Griffin is a real family guy, and because Cartman is a short d*ck. Griffin/Colbert 2016, Fighting For You Is His Dooty!!!!