Presidential Debate: Peter Griffin vs Eric Cartman

My name is Eric Cartman. Over the course of this debate, it is my intention to show you (the viewer) that I am by far the best choice for the Presidency of these United States and why Peter Griffin is most definitely not suitable for the position. Good luck to my esteemed( (and foreign born- where's the birth certificate?) opponent. . . I am of genius-level intelligence and have worked in the private sector as an enterpreuner in several fields[1][2][3]. I am running on a common sense conservative platform. I believe that in many instance of life, the government should refrain from interfering with people's business (for instance in their choice to own cats) while I also maintain that there are certain roles in which the State should be involved (for instance defense against gooks, beaners, and Jews). My platform is fiscally and socially conservative while libertarian (in name only) on foreign policy. Running alongside me as my vice-presidential candidate is God. That's right, God. Deal with it. . . As an experienced hippie exterminator[2], I have what it takes to get rid of the illegal aliens (not the ones who probed me, they were alright guys) who are sucking this country dry. Furthermore, I'm an expert in psychological warfare (see video), an essential tool in imperialistic......I mean defensive foreign policy. No recent President has had the guts to stand up to the liberal fascist establishment and point out that immigrants and foreigners are bad for America. I can assure you all that I have the guts to do what it takes. My VP candidate (and personal friend) God on the other hand brings more than enough to the table. Not only does he require the votes of the Christian segment of these beautiful United States on threat of damnation to hell (seriously, vote for me or burn for eternity) but he also loves each and every American very very much. Wouldn't it be mean not to return this love with a simple vote in our favor? Vote for my opponent and face eternal damnation or vote Cartman/YWHW and spend an eternity in loving bliss. It's your choice (but maybe not? I forget how free will co-exists with divine omniscience. After this debate I've got to find some material on the matter). . . Mr. Griffin's welfare state antics[4] and ties to the liberal establishment[5] deem him incapable of handling the coming fiscal cliff. On the other hand my complete lack of regard for human suffering makes me the perfect choice to critically cut government funding. On top of this he's retarded so there's that. Seriously how does he even have a license? Do they ever explain that in the show? A northeastern holier-than-thou liberal who thinks he knows better what's good for America than Americans themselves, Mr. (or Mrs., we don't know-where's the birth certificate?!?!) Griffin would turn this God-fearing country into a hogwash of socialist, atheist, Muslim heathens. Vote for decency. Vote for War (ignore that you heard that). Vote Cartman/YWHW 2013. . . ===Sources=== . . [1]http://en.wikipedia.org... [2]http://en.wikipedia.org... [3]http://en.wikipedia.org...'_Me [4]http://en.wikipedia.org... [5]http://familyguy.wikia.com... http://www.southparkstudios.com...