Presidential Debate: Optimus Prime vs Dumbledore

I would like to begin by applauding my opponent’s honestyconcerning the forced penetration of his victim’s rectum, oral cavity and meatus acusticus externus. I doubt hislast minute confession will help him escape the most recent transgression. Yousee, my fellow Americans, while we were on break, Master Chief and Dumbledorkforcibly raped one of our audience members and then tried to hide the crime bysealing him in the wall of the basement level. Please take a minute to reviewthis CNN report: My opponent remarked that he sent the Dildos to my mother.She would like to thank you for your generous gifts and she promised to sendyou a supersized set of anonymously used Anal beads in return. My opponent performed some blame-shifting in his last round.He claimed the Obama administration authorized the 48 trillion dollar budgetfor the DWM (Department of Wizards and Mages). Does he expect the voters toforget who voted for the bill in the House and Senate? That’s right!Dingleberry did! Being the only person in human history to violate theconstitution by simultaneously serving as a Senator and Congressman of two separatestates, this magical *ss-pirate ratified and secured his own funds. Shame onyou Senagressman Dumbledore. Shame on you! My opponent continued to lie by claiming that he would alsodissolve the funding for the DWM. He claims he would use it to outfit America’sarmy with Halo armor and associated weapons. His plan cost the American peoplebillions. Mine would cost mere millions. Why? Because I fvcking said so. Quitasking so many questions. You guys need to trust me, instead of running aroundlike paranoid, bi-polar RoyalPaladins. Sh*t! Now, my opponent tried to attack my confusing stance on gaymarriage. I don’t understand myself on this issue enough to conclusively denyhis claims, but you should trust that he knows more or less than I don’t know.Otherwise I agree to the uncertain terms left unspoken. I don’t know, perhaps Iam certain with absolute mystery. Definitely a probability. Gay America, Isupport the things you know I said. I will never resolve to act against such avibrant community because you are a part of something that I may decide toacknowledge. Moving on. My opponent stated: “Rememberwhen he said he would force gays to go to re-education camps? that was like 2minutes ago!” I would like to start by threatening your life. Shut thefvck up! Eat a dick, you f%^$ing, As%hole, c*nt, B$tch,Wh$#,Applesauce,#$^&#,Hemorroidal&^@#% tax reform,&&%@#$&*semen cancer@%%#, Wizard Dog Fvcker! I’d like to continue by focusing on a different topic. Iwill now cleverly divert the subject by bringing up Iran. About Iran, myopponent doesn’t even have a plan. (Pauses and smiles at the accidental rhyme).Moving on. My opponent mentioned Royal’s annoying question again. Dueto my stance on abortion, I will debate the issue no further. If Royal getsheld down, beaten, and tenderly sexed, then she must have invited it. Rape islike a Ghost hunting TV show. Only a few people believe in it and nobodywatches more than three minutes of one episode on TLC before they change thechannel. That simile was awesome. My opponent remarked that it is difficult to tell that theChinese Prime Minister’s daughter was retarded. I would disagree, since hercondition has her on life-support. The chick has no central nervous system. Thelast impressive thing she’s accomplished was not shi*ting herself when someonesuddenly turned the lights on. In fact, Obam-Bam admitted that he had to removeher colostomy bag before he nailed her. My opponent remarked that “Wizards and Halo Spartans would kick so much more a** for a far cheaperprice then Optimus Prime's 7 autobot friends ever could. “ I would like to remind my opponent of what happened lastweek, when he sent his “hero” wizard, Harry Potter, to kill me. Please take thetime to view the attached Video. http://www.youtube.com... My opponent stated:” Have you seen Chicago? it looks like a warzone ALL THE TIME, we had no idea anything had changed....” I agree. Let’s drop the subject. Chicago will most likely not survive until it’s election time anyways. My opponent cited his membership with NAMBLA (It really isan authentic organization. Seriously, I googled it too.) Unfortunately, he madea mistake and accidentally joined the Asian version, called NAMBRA (NationalMan Boy Rove Association). Everyone here agrees that it’s criminal to make funof Asian dialects; therefor my opponent is a racist. My opponent remarked that he would take over healthcare. Thelast socialist who attempted that fvcked a retarded foreigner while giving athumbs up to himself on his Android phone camera. Do we really want anotherObama? My opponent said: “you cant keep living in the past.... Because thats where Transformers Revenge ofthe Fallen lies, and that movie f*cking sucked. “ Agreed. Moving on. My opponent asked: What have you done Optimus? I cured Ebola, extended the Human life expectancy by 400%,invented an over-the-counter pill to instantly make all chicks turn into MeaganFox, I balanced the budget, I beat the Chinese Prime Minister’s daughterretarded, I went back in time and reversed the holocaust. 6 million Germansdead! What the fvck have you done? In fact, that’s my campaign slogan. “What the fvck have YOU done?”