It"s time to repeal equal employment laws

There are all sorts of groups who claim they are under-represented, under-valued or discriminated against in the workplace. Women are the most high-profile complainers, of course, but they are not the only ones demanding special favours: the old; the physically-handicapped; religious fanatics; gays; the obese; the mentally-retarded; even tamed savages from darkest Borneo and other ethnic minorities are seeking to benefit from affirmative action legislation aimed at advancing their careers ahead of those of other candidates.At the same time, some disappointed applicants who fail to land jobs or promotions, and who are unwilling to accept that they simply were not the best candidate, resort to making accusations of discrimination against employers, often along the lines of: "You didn't give me that job simply because I'm a cross-dressing, left-handed, half-witted, vegetarian with AIDS from Balikpapan, and I'm going to tell my mum on you, and I'm going to sue you as well, and you"ll be sorry, so there!"However, employers should be able to recruit staff that they alone consider are right for their organisations, and if they were not burdened with employment regulations they could be honest in their recruitment advertisements and not waste any unsuitable candidates' time, as the following examples illustrate.SITUATIONS VACANT-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Local supermarket has vacancies for Shelf-Stackers.No experience necessary as training will be given. Sorry, no dwarfs.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Leading firm of tax accountants requires a senior Wealth Preservation Consultant.Must be familiar with the latest aggressive tax avoidance instruments and have extensive experience in dealing in a financially disingenuous manner with tax collection agencies. We are an equal opportunities employer but we particularly welcome applications from Jews.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Local Peep Show requires Semen-Moppers to wipe cubicles clean after use.Must have own mop and bucket. This is a physically-demanding job so cripples need not apply.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Catholic Church seeks Priest (fixed-term contract).A vacancy has arisen for an ordained priest in the local diocese. Fixed 5 year contract pending the incumbent's release from penal incarceration. Applicants must be willing to remain strictly celibate and must not have any prior criminal convictions for queering up choirboys. Applications not accepted from women, divorcées, Protestants and former condom salesmen.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Retail bank has a vacancy for a Trainee Teller.Excellent career prospects and a competitive salary await the successful candidate. This position includes cash-handling duties and is, therefore, not suitable for Hispanics or blacks.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Public swimming pool requires Attendant for male changing room.Duties include keeping the facilities clean, dealing with customer enquiries and supervising unaccompanied minors. This position involves interacting with men and boys in states of undress so applications from females and homosexual males will be automatically rejected.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Gentleman's club has vacancies for Exotic Dancers. Applications are sought from slim, attractive women aged 18-25 with medium- to massive-sized breasts who are willing to strip naked and gyrate erotically on our customers' laps. We are an equal opportunities employer but are particularly keen to recruit bi-sexual females willing to lez it up in girl-on-girl performances as they are currently under-represented in our workforce.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I think you would agree that these ads appear quite different to the carefully-worded, legally-constrained ones we are used to seeing, and this is a good thing because prospective employees know where they stand - and if members of the public object to what they may consider discriminatory employment practices, as they well might in the case of the above example of the bank, they can always boycott that organisation.In the final analysis, employers must be allowed to recruit on the basis of suitability and merit without having to worry about meeting staff quotas or being prosecuted under employment legislation and, for these reasons, equal employment laws should be repealed.Thank you.