Spit vs. Semen for Rude People's Food

"My food is too cold! I said I wanted my food to be 85 degrees Fahrenheit and it's only fvcking 84!""Hello! We've been waiting here for 5 minutes and we STILL haven't gotten our drinks!""Here's a quarter for all your hard work. Don't spend it all in one place.""I WANTED NO LETTUCE ON MY BURGER! Where's your manager, you incompetent scumbag?"The previous statements are something a$$hole customers might say. Who, might you ask, has to put up with these jerks? Servers in restaurants. Servers already put up with a bunch of crap. They get paid less than minimum wage plus tips (which tips can be low or even nonexistent at times). They have to rush around making sure everyone is happy. Servers in restaurants are put under a lot of stress right off the bat. But then there are times where it gets to be too much. When does this happen?It happens when they have to deal with customers that are complete and utter jerks.Sometimes these customers can be ignored. Sometimes the server can just grit their teeth and smile politely in the face of the devil.But we're not talking about those times.Oh no, we're talking about the times where the sweet topping of revenge is added to that particular rude customer's food by the server. We're talking about the server's payback.But what should that payback be? Spit, or semen?I, Awesome-Sauce, will be arguing for spit to be that sweet, delicate, extra special ingredient on top of the food of a douchebag.I will show how spit is easier, more convenient, and more appropriate to add to the food, over semen.Spit is easier to add to the food than semenWell first let us clarify what semen is specifically. Semen is, in simple terms, the baby-maker juice that is deposited by the man through his member (http://menshealth.about.com...)Now, one quick important note for an advantage of spit over semen. Spit is easier to add simply because men AND women can spit in the food. Semen comes exclusively from a man. What if a waitress is harrassed by some jacka$$? She doesn't have the right parts (well, hopefully, anyway) to deposit semen into the food. So that leaves two options for her. She either:a) Gets a guy to do the semen trick. However, this doesn't accomplish the feeling of revenge that that waitress is craving. Sure, getting semen in the food would still be getting back at the jerk customer, but the waitress was unable to do it personally. So the same feeling of accomplishment and joy would not be obtainedb) Spits in the food to still get back at the jerk customer.Option B is much more preferable, because this will still give her a feeling of sweet revenge that she was able to personally screw up the customer's food.But, let's say we have a male waiter being treated like sh1t by a customer. He can personally eject some happy juice in the customer's food. But there are a couple of major problems.- How the he11 would he wip out his member and eject the semen into the food before management sees him?- How would the male waiter, wanting payback, be able to get aroused enough to deposit semen into the food? I'm pretty sure they don't keep a supply of "mature videos" back in the kitchen at restauraunts.With spit you still get major payback, and it's a lot quicker and simpler to add to food.Spit is more appropriate to add to the food than semen isSpitting into one's food goes beyond getting payback - the act of spitting is a symbol. Spitting is a universal sign of anger, hatred, disrespect, or contempt (http://en.wikipedia.org...). Spitting is the perfect fit for revenge on a rude customer. Semen doesn't stand for the same things spit does. While spitting at someone is a universal sign of anger, semen is associated with love-making, and those are feelings of happiness, pleasure, and joy, not anger. Semen just isn't the right fit for getting back at someone you are completely angry at.Spit is more favorable over semen because:a) Spit can be applied personally by both men AND women b) Spit is FAR easier to add to food than semen isc) Spit is more appropriate and more fitting to serve up revenge than semen isI await cheesedingo's response. Which will certainly not be a SPITting image of mine! XD *slaps knee*