16kadams Tourney: Newt Gingrich's Moonbase Idea Will Happen

Alright, I did not realize I would not have time to write this today so this is going to have to be hurrried. This will be mostly trollish non-serious arguments as my opponent has done. - http://www.youtube.com... 1. - NEWT Gingrich - Newt Gingrich is a newt. Look at his first name "Newt". He is known by Newt. That is what everyone calls him. Therefore he is a newt. What is a newt? A newt is an amphibian that looks like a lizard. Therefore Newt Gingrich is a lizard. Where are Newts found? North America, Europe and Aisa. Where are they not found? The moon. In other words the laws of science show that newts do not like the moon thus Newt Gingrich will not go to the moon, but stick to his preffered countries. (Which are all on earth.) - 2. - This argument will take the form of the following sylogism. - 1. The moon is made out of cheese. (common knowledge) - 2. Cheese is a kind of meet. Specifically beef. (see video) - 3. When beef gets old it gets smelly. - 4. People don't like to live in a smelly invironment. - 5. In order to make it not smelly they would chose to cook the beef. (The moon) - 6. The most efficient way to cook the moon is too bring the sun closer to it. - 7. Brining the sun closer to the moon would cause global warming on the moon - 8. Bringing the sun closer to the moon would bring the sun farther away from earth. - 9. Brining the sun farther away from earth would cause global cooling. - 10. Global cooling would bring Osama Bin Laden back from the dead. - 11. If Osama Bin Laden came back from the dead he would swiftly rise to power again. - 12. If Osama Bin Laden rose back to power from the dead he would want to join forces with another vilain. - 13. Global cooling would cause Hitler to come out of hiding. - 14. If Hitler came out of hiding he and Bin Laden would become buddies. - 15. If Hitler and Bin Laden became pals they would plot to destroy the world together. - 16. If Hitler and Bin laden schemed together they would hide out on the moon. - 17. If Hitler and Bin Laden plotted to destroy the earth together Chuck Norris would not let them. - 18. The only way Chuck Norris could stop them would be to destroy the moon. - First conclusion: The moon won't be there for a base to be built - Second conclusion: Newt Gingrich has a fat head. - 3. - Type illuminati backwards. - Now insert it between "www" and ".com". - *Gasp* NASA are part of the illuminati! - NASA will not let Newt go through with this plan because, as already established, Newt Gingrich is a newt. Logical? Yes yes. -- "1) Possibility of Newt's second term even happening" - Gaga - Pros sexiness is too over-whelming for me to refute this. - "2) Newt's commitment to this idea" - So Mr. Newts history of decayed marriages leads us to believe that he will be committed to this plan? Sounds logical. - So my opponent claims that since Newt has a tendancy to leave his older wives for younger ones that means he will leave the earth(since it's a tad bit older) for the moon. However my opponent leaves out one key principle of the physchology of er...marriage. That is that men tend to prefer attractive women over unatractive. *Gasp*, yes I know shocking isn't it. But it is true. Now let's look at the moon; round, gray, dry, and full of holes. Now look at the earth; colorful, attractive smooth and sensual. - "H is real, therefore F is actually real despite D existing at the same time C does" -- If H equals my penis and F equals your mom while D = Newt Gingrich's man boobs, and C = cookies, then I will concede this point. - "3) The technology to make a moon base exists" - Yes but as you can see from my earlier point. NASA will sabatage the whole operation and therefore this point is null.-So yeah sorry that was so hastly written but in conclusion, pro has not fulfilled his burden of proof for the reasons that giraffes are people too.