Soccer should be made into a full contact sport with metal armor and tasers

My turn it is. Come at me bro."Watching 130 pound weaklings job for 2 and a half hours just to make the game 0-0 or 1-1 isn't a classy sport, its a waste of time."1. And debating about soccer on the internet is a better use of time? :P2. It's a classy sport because we soccer fans appreciate technique and skill above flashy lights and big numbers. We can truly appreciate a sport for what it is: a sport to be enjoyed for it's full duration because of what it is. Soccer is not for those who can't pay attention to something for less than two seconds. Sorry, imabench :PAs to respond to his pictures, so that's how Grandpa passed away....watching golf. Fair enough. Let's look through his proposed plan.1) Metal armor? What year is it, 400 BC?Metal armor is so outdated. Running around like little pretend knights in a game of LARP isn't going to make the sport more entertaining: it would make it harder to watch. Your plan is flawed.2) Anything goes? Hang on a second......didn't you just say below a couple of rules that we couldn't break out into fights? WTF! I call bullsh*t.3) Steel toed shoes? How does this fix fake injuries?!If anything, this gives players a feasible excuse to flop on the ground to grab the call, claiming that they were "injured by the steel toe kicking the back of their shin. Your plan is flawed again, good sir.4) Immediate medical care? Hold on...Didn't you say that all players do is fake being injured? So why would they need medical care to begin with? I'll go with this, just not the rest of your plan.5) Goalies get to use tasers...Yet I can't get in a fistfight with the prick forward who insulted my mother. Uh huh. That works. Moreover, your attempt to preserve some of the class that soccer has falls short here, as shooting someone with a taser has absolutely no class. It's as classy as farting in the middle of a dead silence at your family dinner table during Thanksgiving. Inb4 you say that's classy.6) Full contact?Yet I still can't get into a fight? For the second time, WTF!7) No all out fighting? You whore.Just when things were starting to get interesting, you pull the fine print out on me and waggle your finger like my fourth grade teacher. What a total killjoy. Which overlooks the fact that it contradicts half of the rules on here, but hey, sh*t happens.8) Renaming teams?Sure, I'm down with this.9) American teams only.Sure then. But you never specify which gender, which means that both male and female soccer teams are included under this rule. Let's explain why this idea is sh*t-poor with this in mind.First, this is what girl soccer players look like. .... Now that we see that any straight guy wants to keep girls soccer around, here's why his plan is going to end girls soccer.1) No chick wants to run around in metal armor.2) No chick wants to run around in ANY kind of armor.3) No chick wants to get shot by a taser.4) While chicks fighting may be really hot, chicks don't like fighting, and thus won't join.5) When chicks get hurt, the world stops until they're seen to. If you try to ignore them, they get pissed off and you end up sleeping on the couch.Your turn pro.