Resolved: Dating more people makes for a better marriage

Some new and/or revised points of mine: 1. Though you may learn DIFFERENT things in different relationships, my opponent has provided no evidence validating the experiences learned in more numerous and/or shorter relationships over the experiences gained from fewer, longer relationships. Even in a long-term relationship, the lessons continue and change with time. I actually see this as a more valuable learning experience than repeating the same early-relationship lessons again and again and again. The only value I see here is for those who cannot manage to absorb a lesson the first time. But lets pretend the daters we speak of are smart enough to move forward. Some lessons are ONLY learned at certain points in a relationship. Absent the time and nurturing to get a given relationship to the point where certain lessons can be learned, a dater is limiting him/herself from an entire segment of skills. Also, learning about one's self if a life-long adventure. I would argue that it is actually enhanced by a whole array of life experiences, which span far beyond dating (short or long, few or many). So yes, maybe more life experiences are better. However, there is no correlation between dating more people and having more life experiences. Actually, it may even distract from other things in life like studies, traveling, hobbies, etc. 2. There seems to have emerged a gender-based difference in the process and mindset of finding a mate. I think both men and women understand the concept of maximum attractiveness, and this is not what either of us were talking about. However, even if you're arguing that men use special "tools," acquired over time with practice, I still see flaw with this argument. The ability to pick up women may indeed come with practice. However, picking up as many as possible in order to perfect the skill for when you really need it does not seem like a good use of time. The tools that keep relationships (and marriages) happy and healthy are completely unrelated. But without them, it is unlikely that either will succeed. The pick up is important, I agree. But overall it comprises only a brief amount of time and skill. And ultimately, it has little to do with happy, healthy marriage. Even with a perfect pitch, not everyone can hit a baseball. In other words: creating opportunities does not ensure one will produce the ideal outcome. 3. As for the completeness that my opponent credits to experiences undertaken with a partner, I would like to argue the exact opposite. While an individual may feel satisfied with having completed such romantic ventures as kissing under the Eiffel Tower or "pink blazing," once they find that special person, are they going to do these things all over again?? Better yet, aren't some of these special moments we create for ourselves meant to be with someone special, not just with.. someone?? Lets say that one or both partners in a marriage (or to-be marriage) have completed some of these feats. The other partner may very well want to do these things too-- namely, with their spouse. And in the event that they haven't, feelings of disappointment, jealousy, etc. may arise due to the fact that their partner has already completed certain romantic, fulfilling activities with others and now holds no desire to do them again. Problem, right? And if not, what was the point of jumping the gun, just to do the same things all over again with your special person?? Either way, it doesn't make sense. 4. The argument in favor of dating lots of people in order to establish what is "normal" is likewise garbage. First of all, if you don't know what "normal" is by your 20s, you may never know (and this is ok-- seriously!). Further, when in doubt, why not ask a friend or relative, observe other couples or hey-- Google it?? How is the logical answer to finding "normal" dating around a bunch? Frankly, I think this could actually majorly distort or skew a person's idea of normal. The more people you date, the more variety you see. The more variety you see, the less apparent normal becomes. Besides, who ever said dating and/or marriage was a quest for normal? Its a journey of compatibility. And hell, sometimes that means finding someone that's not normal at all! *It more depends on knowing yourself (expanded in #6). 5. Baggage is about more than opportunities missed or lost. You've vastly over simplified it. Baggage has to do with emotions, with problems, repeated behaviors. Baggage arrises out of pain and hurt and situations beyond (rather than within) our control. If a person wants to get married and be happy and commit to one partner, don't you think the very merry-go-round that is endless dating could create baggage? Feelings of being unwanted, not being good enough, etc. 6. In order to be a good boy- or girlfriend and later spouse, you first have to know yourself (and I think we agree on this!). You must know your good and bad qualities. When you strive and when you sulk. What is important versus what doesn't matter. Spending lots of time getting to know others, while perhaps fun, often serves as a distractor from this important journey. It is the long, in-depth relationships in our lives that help us become acquainted with who we are. Think about it-- who in our lives helps enlighten (and sometimes shape) who we are?? Parents, siblings, teachers, coaches, mentors, friends. All of these are people who hold long-standing positions in our lives. These are people who get to know us over years, not days or months. These are individuals who are there through good and bad. Basically, the exact OPPOSITE of a new, unfamiliar romantic interests. In conclusion: If the real goal is happy, healthy marriage, then there is nothing to be gained from spending years jumping from person to person. This kind of behavior is usually indicative of a certain internal unhappiness, indecision or a general lack of commitment (which is fine). Not wanting to commit at an early age is fine, but that is thus far not part of my opponent's argument (boo to promiscuity). Internal unhappiness on the other hand is something that a person must confront before trying to make another person in their lives happy. Ok, eeks, out of time (not space haha!)-- Good luck :)