Resolved: If you say "pretty please with a cherry on top" you can get anything you want.

To start mine argument, and to refute this Hor my opponent speaks off, I begin with a brief outline for ye judges, nincompoops, and others. I shall first begin by stating the case that belongeth to me; and then I shall refute the disgraceful case presented by this opponent I face.Yon resolution, that stateth "saying pretty please with a cherry on top" shall grant the speaker anything he desires is incorrect. Mine simple logic concludes that, in order to disprove the argument of mine opponent, I needest prove only one instance in which the aforementioned terms proveth to be incorrect. I will present many a logical conclusion, and in doing so, obligate thine vote to the side which is Con.Disproval of thy Universal StatementAs before stated, mine opponent presenteth what be commonly known as a "universal statement." Let this be interpreted that, according to thou Resolution, saying the phrase mentioned in thou Resolution shall "get anything you want." Whatever that meaneth. Criterion of DisprovalI begin by providing the criterion upon which my opponent's case may be proven false. It is obviously the choice of yon respondant to the said Resolution on whether or not to accept the said statement. As such, it is neccesary only one person say "no" to the statement "pretty please with a cherry on top" in order for the resolution to be proven false. Whereas the population of the World is currently approximately 7,216,244,283 people, the odds of my Opponent's case being proven true are approximately 0.00000001%. Whereas, it be only necessary to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that my opponent's case is indeed false, as it is impossible to prove universal statements, may it be known that You (judges, readers, nincompoops, impudent slimes, troglodytes, nymphoids and others) are obligated to Vote Con.To Refute ye Case belonging to thy Opponent Necessity of Ice Cream This "ice cream" mine opponent speaketh of, I know not of it. And, as such, it can not be the "most awesome dessert" for again, this is thy Universal Statement. To say that he is the Prophet of Morgan Freeman is on the same level as the man who claims himself to be a poached egg. This is, in some places, considered a blasphemy, punishable by death. Necessity of Cherries As before stated, Ice Cream is not the most awesome dessert, and as such, the first, second and third points are nulleth and voideth and floweth to the coneth sideth. Necessity of Fulfillment To say that everything that should happen must happen is a logical fallacy. That is subjective to opinion, and cannot be conclusively proven, and as such, flows to the Con side. Context of Racism For those of ye who knoweth not, the phrase "with a cherry on top" is a contemptible statment of racial prejudice. Way back in the old days, ye American Colonists used to put Native Americans on top of this "ice cream," thus insulting the red color of their skin, hence the term "cherry." They would drown the poor people in ice cream until they either died, or the rest of the tribe would give anything the colonists wanted. Whereas this is a cruel and unusual punishment, prohibited by yon Bill O' Rights, my opponent's case is not only a fallacy, but also illegal. And he forgot to put thine apostrophe in the word "opponents" in his closing statement.