The closer you are to God, the quicker your prayers will be answered

My opponent asked me to, firstly, prove that God exists and, secondly, prove that He answers prayers in order of receipt. No problem, that’s easy, and I hope that my arguments will reassure any Doubting Thomas’ amongst the Christian voters who read my opponent's first round arguments. So, firstly to address the question: “Does God Exist? ” Of course God exists: two billion Christians, thirteen million Jews and over a billion Muslims can’t be wrong, can they? . http://www.bbc.co.uk... But even if their testimony is not enough for you, I shall respond to my opponent’s challenge to “present a model of the universe in which some god is ‘either required, productive, or useful. ’" However, I should point out that to pose this challenge is to misunderstand the very nature of God. My opponent makes the common mistake of assuming that God is some kindly old soul, who just want’s what’s best for all humankind, and that's simply not the case. For a start off, God is a racist. When He revealed Himself to the human race through His son (Jesus Christ), He didn’t send him to the African plains or to the jungles of South America or to the hinterlands of darkest Borneo to enlighten the primitive ‘savages’ resident there. No, He sent his boy to an outpost of the Roman Empire – the most advanced region on the planet at the time and the cradle of Western civilisation. Even to this day, there are still people living in remote areas of the Third World who have never heard of Christianity, so what chance have they got of getting into Heaven? No chance, that’s what chance, but even if they were devout Christians, it still doesn’t follow that they would get into Heaven. That’s because God considers black people to be sub-human: He created man in his own image, and God is white (we know that because His son was white, albeit a bit swarthy perhaps) and that’s very bad news for Afro-Caribbean Christians, by the way - who are going to be very upset when St Peter turns them away at the Pearly Gates by pointing to this sign: . http://www.debate.org... Think about it: whenever we hear about a natural disaster it’s usually something like a Tsunami that wipes out tens of thousands of Indonesians and Sri Lankans, or an Earthquake that buries countless of Haitians alive, or a drought that kills millions of Ethiopians – it’s never a volcanic eruption that turns the British Isles into barren, lava-strewn wastelands, or a huge flood that completely inundates Belgium, Holland and low-lying areas of France and Germany, is it? Now more generally speaking, the Bible is, of course, absolutely chock-full of wailing, smiting and gnashing of teeth, and within its pages children are sacrificed and fallen women are stoned to death on a wholesale basis. So, we can see that, overall, God is not a very nice deity, and His actions are not always “required, productive or useful”, and thus it doesn’t follow that God does not exist. Indeed, rather the contrary is true. That’s because the law of averages would suggest that natural disasters would affect affluent white people in the West just as much as they do impoverished black people in the Third World, which clearly isn’t the case, and this very strongly implies, if not absolutely proves, devine intervention. So, now that I’ve proved the existence of God beyond all reasonable doubt, I will go on to prove that the time it takes God to answer your prayers is directly proportionate to your geographical proximity to Him as follows: Prayers can be thought of as a form of telepathy whereby the brain is understood to be a physical scaffold for an entity of electrical and quantum impulses, which has the ability to send "quantum fluctuations" to other minds, or to God in the case of prayer. . http://www.crystalinks.com... Now, as Einstein’s Special Theory of Relativity predicted, nothing, not even the quantum-electrical impulses of prayers, can travel faster than the speed of light. . http://www2.slac.stanford.edu... Therefore, ignoring resistance from air (or rock as the case may be if you are a trapped Chilean miner), prayers will travel a certain distance over a given period of time - and the shorter that distance, the less time it will take the prayer to cover that distance. Therefore, it duly follows that the closer you are to God, the quicker he will answer your prayers. Thank you.