It's time to establish a karma police force to patrol public transport.

I know that in debates, one is supposed to oppose in principle one's opponent's arguments but I believe in giving credit where credit is due and I fully recognise that my adversary's Culture Club-inspired segregation of passengers proposal could represent a real step forward in the organisation of public transport systems. That said, however, his plan is flawed. In order to impose his demerits on shouty passengers the offenders will have to be identified – you can't grass a loud-mouthed commuter up to the authorities without knowing their name. In addition, who is going to stop some ignorant, loud-mouthed thug from getting on a Green Zone carriage and yacking on to his missus on his mobile phone? You can imagine the conversation can't you? ************************************************************ Respectable Commuter: Excuse me sir, but this is a Green Zone carriage which is reserved exclusively for the use of civilised people with a proper sense of decorum and I can't help noticing that you are talking a load of verbal diarrhea on your mobile phone…are you sure you are entitled to be in this part of the train? Ignorant Thug: What's it got to do with you, pretty-boy? Now shut your ******* gob before I ram my ******* fist down it, you ******* ******. RC: I say, there's absolutely no need for that sort of language. Now I insist that you cease your puerile conversation forthwith and leave this carriage at the next stop. Do I make myself clear? IT: Right, that's it, you've really ******* me off now – you're going to get your ******* head kicked in, you interfering little ****… RC: Aaargh! No, not the face, not the ******* face. Help! Stop! Police! Oh no! Aaargh! ************************************************************ Now, imagine if there had been an undercover karma policeman on board? ************************************************************ Ignorant Thug: (talking loudly on cell phone) I tell you what, darling, I'm so horny I could **** the hair on a barbershop floor. When I get home I going to give you a proper seeing to, you dirty little whore… Karma Policeman: (addressing the thug) Stop! I'm a karma police officer. Now drop the phone and put your hands in the air where I can see them. IT: **** you, copper. Why don't you go out and catch some real criminals you ugly ****…(back to phone) Oh, just some jumped-up little Hitler that thinks he can tell me what to do… KP: I won't warn you again, son (taking Taser from holster). Now drop that phone or you'll fry. IT: Oh, shut your face. Nobody tells me what to do. KP: Okay, I warned you, now take this! (He fires Taser, which drops the thug to the floor, convulsing in excruciating agony as 20,000 volts paralyse him and the other passengers all clap and cheer. ) Oh, I love my job, I really do. Ha ha ha ha ha! ************************************************************ I think you will agree that this is a much more satisfactory outcome. Furthermore, I would suggest that this type of action would not be required on a regular basis as most talkative travellers will comply with a karma policeman's orders once threatened with the Taser and so the scenes of rioting and public disorder that my opponent prophesises would be unlikely to materialise.