Being a Fatty is Worse than Being a Ginger

A Note For VotersMy opponent and I have come the agreement that the sources points will be replaced by hilarity points. Please consider this while voting. Thank you :DNow let's do this.1. SwimmingMy opponent (I will refer to him for now as Fat Albert) argues that fat people are worse off than gingers because they have a little extra flab. This argument can't prove that fat people are worse off, because due to us gingers' pale skin tones, we face problems of our own: ^My cousin, Yao Chang DongI also used to be overweight, and can confirm that burn lines make one far more self-conscious than being a fatass. Especially in America, where absolutely everyone is a fatass. Fat Albert then goes on with some bullfart about how fat people sink. That statement is so far from true. Any idiot can tell you that due to buoyancy, a fat man can tread water without any effort being put forth. And according to AmericanRedheadedCross. org, more than 40% of heart attacks are caused by gingers in speedos, while only 3% are cause by fat people. And most gingers can't go swimming anyway, because if they do so much as make direct contact with sunlight, they start violently peeing until they die of dehydration. This, in fact, is what caused the death of my uncle, Tyrone Jacquan Garcia III.2. Looking PregnantThe impacts of this here argument are not as severe as Fat Albert perceives them to be. Fat men can get anything they want foodwise just by saying, "The baby wants a beer" and it can pass as a joke. And while speaking of jokes, fat men can also benefit from looking pregnant by using it as a goldmine of humor, which is how people like Chris Farley made it big (no pun intended). And as for fat women looking pregnant, That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. At what point does this: Begin looking like this:. .. .. .. .. .. .. Quit kidding yourself, Fat Albert.3. Walking Up StairsWhat my opponent (Fat Albert) is referring to here is the unfortunate event with stairs that occurred to Po the Kung Fu Panda just after 9/11. However, like 9/11, while these events are tragic, they actually don't happen as often as we'd like to believe. And as a matter of fact, gingers have a far harder time climbing up flights of stairs than fat people. Can you guess why? . .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .That's right. .. .Their shoes have no soles. But seriously, climbing stairs with government-mandated ginger shoes is impossibly difficult and, in many instances, has lead to sprained ankles, broken metatarsals, and worst of all. .. .. .athlete's foot. 4. Farting and Fat People"If your mom farts in the forest and no one is there to hear it, it still makes a sound. " -Morgan Freeman, always right. This is another case of fat people being over-sensitive. It's not that we always assume it's the fat guy, the fact is, it's just always the fat guy. The fat guy always farts. It's just the way it always tends to happen. But it's not a bad thing. The nutrients in flab mix with the methane gas emitted by fat-farts. When these nutrients are released into the atmosphere, they help build up the ozone layer to assist in protecting the Earth's inhabitants from much of the sun's harmful radiation. But ginger farts have the ability to melt faces of those that the farter loves. From experience, I've sent four girlfriends to the hospital. It sucks.5. Being Attractive. Now Fat Albert is just being silly. Let's take turns naming off fat people and gingers:Kathy Bates: Attractive. Conan O'Brian: Not Attractive. Tracy Morgan: Attractive. Rupert Grint: Not Attractive. Santa Claus: Attractive. MassiveDump: Should Kill Himself. ---Attractive Fat People > Attractive Gingers.6. Physical Activity Football: Someone needs to be a lineman and it sure as Hell won't be me. Golf: There are golf carts these days, grandpa. Baseball: Fat people are not impaired as far as pitching, catching, and throwing. Swimming: Also see my argument about buoyancy. Track/Cross Country: Lol. Basketball: Fat guys are like a wall. You just can't get past those badasses. And let's not forget. .. FACKING SUMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHS.7. Noticeability There are many pranks that only fat people can pull off. Examples include, but are not limited to, steamrolling, putting their large underwear in someone's bed, standing in the middle of a door, standing in the middle of a fire exit, and, of course, setting their friend's house on fire. And anyway, do you think being a ginger doesn't make you noticeable? .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. Because I beg to differ. And Now on to Gingers, Because I said I Wouldn't Argue Heart Disease in a Troll Debate and I Meant it. 1. The Ability to Control And Manipulate Fire at Will. First of all, what's going on in the above image does not seem one bit voluntary to me. Secondly, what Fat Albert is ignoring is that you don't have to be a ginger to control fire. Anyone who has seen The Last Airbender (the show, not the God-awful movie) can tell you that there is not a single firebender on that show who is a ginger.2. Can Burst Into Flames Burning Everyone Around Them. Spontaneous Human Combustion is not voluntary, and it is not a joke. I have harmed so many of the ones I lived by doing it; it is far from a pleasant experience. Fat people don't have to experience that kind of thing. I would consider that a better life.3. No Soul Which Means No Emotions which Means NO FEELING HAPPINESS EVEN AT THE SIGHT OF THE BIRTH OF YOUR OWN DAUGHTER (or for me the sight of a cheeseburger more likely).4. Gingers are Naturally Good at Doing an Irish Jig! .. .yeah. I bet that's not gonna stop anyone from KICKING MY @SS!5. The Pot of Gold at the End of the Rainbow. >Rainbows are round. >Implying we're all leprechauns. >Proving that we suffer from racism. >the KKK kills gingers. Fat people got it pretty good right now, if you ask me. Conclusion: Being Fat > Being Scum of the Earth.