One could logically follow a majority of these guidelines

Resolved: that of the 8 guidelines for safety found here: . http://www.theonion.com... one could logically justify adhering to a majority (5+) of these with the intent of preserving health and safety. Do not continue on without reading the above link. It won't take more than 1 minute. RULES 1. I do not want semantics in regards to the resolution. If I have poorly laid out what this debate is to be about, address it in 'comments' or briefly in your argument. I do not want a debate about how I worded the topic. Feel free, however to debate the proper interpretation of each of the given guidelines. 2. I win if I prove that a person could logically decide to adhere to 5 or more of the given guidelines with the intent of safety. My opponent wins if he can prove that 4 or more of the given guidelines are not logical in promoting safety. With that in mind, my opponent could lose (or simply ignore) arguments on 4 of the guidelines and still win, provided he proves the other 4 illogical. The same applies to me, but with a maximum of 3 lost arguments. 3 . We are not debating the truth of the statements, just the advisability of the guidelines. "Eating broccoli gives you superhuman strength, so you should eat broccoli" might contain an untrue claim, but remains sound, logical advice (that eating broccoli is good. ) === Format I will: provide the original text of each guideline; if the guideline does not give a clear command, provide what I believe to be the implied assertion; and justify why following this command would be logical if one were foremost concerned with health and safety. === Guidelines 1. In the event of a tornado, lie down in a ditch. If you are already lying in a ditch, do not attempt to sit up. Since tornadoes happen frequently around the world, 'in the event of a tornado' can clearly be interpreted to address what to do if there is a tornado NEARBY. Assertion: If there is a nearby tornado, find a ditch and stay in it. . http://www.tornadoproject.com... A ditch is a commonly overlooked place to hide from a tornado. It is generally considered preferable to such structures as overpasses, cars, and small buildings. Someone who is interested in protecting themselves from a tornado would be logical in deciding to hide (or remain) in a ditch. 2. The most important thing is to stay calm. This will be difficult since you are most certainly going to die. Assertion: Remain calm Remaining calm is clearly beneficial to one's health. It allows people to make level-headed, rational decisions that are less likely to endanger them, particularly in the event of a tornado. In contrast, stress and anxiety can have negative effects on your health and safety, as seen here: . http://www.steadyhealth.com... . http://health.yahoo.com... 3. Tornadoes spook easily. Firing a few warning shots into the air is usually enough to scare them off. Assertion: If you see a tornado, fire shots into the air. Obviously these warnings shots need to be loud enough for a tornado to hear them from up to miles away, so it stands to reason that shooting into the air to scare tornadoes would also be sufficient to garner the attention of surrounding people. This could wake those who are sleeping or otherwise unaware of the approaching tornado. By firing these warning shots, one might easily save the lives of many people by alerting them to the imminent disaster. 4. Live a little, for once: Strap yourself to the roof of your house and rage at the heavens. Being strapped to the roof of your house is likely to give you direct exposure to the sun. For the majority of Americans who don't spend enough time outside, this extra exposure is very beneficial. For instance, tanning: 1. Prevents skin cancer 2. Give the body Vitamin D 3. Reduces the chance of malignant melanoma plus many other benefits . http://www.timetotan.com... . http://en.wikipedia.org... Second, people frequently get angry. It is easy to express this anger in dangerous ways. Holding it in can also be dangerous to one's mental health. Experts suggest finding a nonviolent way to release this anger. Raging at the heavens while strapped to a rooftop is a way to express anger that is far from likely to hurt anybody, and thus is a smart way to relieve anger. . http://fatherhood.about.com... . http://www.apa.org... 5. Prevent tornadoes before they happen: Make sure that warm, moist air fronts do not converge with cool, dry ones. Preventing tornadoes = less risk of natural disaster = greater safety This one's a gimme 6. During a tornado, the only safe place is my loving arms. Come here, baby. C. S. Lewis writes extensively on the term 'love' and concludes that there are 4: storge, philia, eros, and agape. The only true love is agape, unconditional love, which Lewis contends can only come from God. . http://en.wikipedia.org... It stands to reason, then, that the Christian God is the only one that could truly invite you into 'loving' arms. Assertion: Convert to Christianity. A. Regardless of where you are, whether there is a tornado or not, you are never safe from pain or from death. While you can be more or less safe, the only way you could be perfectly safe, is if you are protected by a divine or supernatural power. Because there is no natural way to be safe, the statement is true that you can only be safe if you are protected by god, or 'in [his] loving arms. ' B. Converting to Christianity is, according to the Christian faith, the only way to avoid an eternity in hell. Coming into God's arms and converting to Christianity truly is the only way to be safe from Hell. C. Even for those that don't believe that God truly exists, following this guideline is still beneficial to health and safety. Regardless of whether God exists or whether converting to Christianity is the only way to be safe, one still ought to convert to Christianity because of the multiple measurable benefits shown here: . http://www.debate.org... 7. If a tornado strikes your home, even a basement could be dangerous, so construct a basement for your basement. . http://www.tornadoproject.com... A basement for your basement, in this case being a 'storm shelter' Assertion: A storm shelter constructed beneath one's home would be the safest place to hide. . http://www.tornadoproject.com... Underground in a storm shelter is the most preferable place to hide in the event of a tornado. Constructing a 2nd basement under your original basement for use in an emergency would be a safe plan of action, as it gives you a place deeper underground to hide. 8. If you spot a tornado, always remember to point at it, yell "tornado! ," and run like hell. Similar to the 3rd guideline given, this is a smart idea because it alerts others of the tornado. Pointing at the tornado gives others an idea of which direction the tornado is coming from, so that they no which way to flee to. Yelling "tornado! " is one of the easiest and fastest ways to convey the message that there is a nearby tornado to those in your near vicinity. The benefits of running like hell are threefold: A. It attracts the attention of people who may not have known of the tornado's existence. B. It allows you to cover more ground and thus alert more people. C. It puts you farther away from the tornado.