Waste not, want not: it's time to initiate the international trade in human flesh

This is an interesting idea that deserves due consideration. Despite what my opponent says, by the way, canned cadavers would actually be suitable for vegetarians: it is common in the third world, and among celebrity mothers such as Kim Kardashian, to eat the placenta after giving birth (1). Vegetarians also eat placentas - they only abstain from non-human meat (2) - so canned old folk and tinned accident victims should be fine for them to eat as well. That said, however, I think I'd have to be pretty hungry to resort to eating my preserved relatives, and I"m not a fussy eater. Still, in time, the taboo may be broken and all around the world we might see the people consume the following repasts. AMERICA Cousin Hank-burger Uncle Phil cheese steak Green chilli Stewie Gran chowder Uncle Rueben sandwich Biscuits 'n' Davy CHINA Crispy aromatic Chuck Chopped Sue-y Dim son ENGLAND Trish 'n' chips Soup of the Dave Roast Eve and Yorkshire pudding FRANCE Dirk a l'orange Cas-Sue-let GERMANY Uncle Frank-furter Cousin Brad-wurst INDIA Aunt Tanya-doori masala Nan bread ISRAEL Smoked Sharon and cream cheese bagel ITALY Antie-pasto Pizza Ma Greta JAPAN Uncle Terry-aki Auntie Sue-shi KOREA Uncle Bill-gogi Auntie Kim-chi SCOTLAND Uncle Harris, tatties and neeps TURKEY Cousin Keith-bab But I'm sure this will be a niche market for a long time to come and the main value in recycled relatives will be in fertilizer and fish food. To illustrate this point, think about when you buy a new car: the paintwork is flawless; the interior is immaculate and smells nice; the engine purrs along beautifully and there are no rattles or squeaks when you drive it. However, as the years go by and you clock up the miles the car deteriorates in every way until, finally, you have no option but to take it to the scrapyard. There may be one or two parts that can be salvaged but the car's only real value is as scrap metal so it is crushed and recycled. Otherwise, you might buy a new car and take it down to the pub to show it off to your drinking buddies, and after drinking your age in pints, you get back in the car and set off home, except you are as drunk as a lord and you lose control on a bend and roll it into a ditch where it catches fire. You are okay, but the car is a total write-off and has to be scrapped. It's like that with humans too, for the most when people die of old age, or are killed in an accident or natural disaster, they are totally knackered: there may be one or two internal organs that can be harvested and sold to back-street doctors in Calcutta, Lagos or Sao Paolo, but for the most part, the corpses are only fit to be used as fertilizer or as fish food. Which brings me to my opponent's point about feeding body parts to tuna: just to clarify, like most species of animal, the population of tuna rises or falls according to the availability of food so if the fishermen feed them lots of nice juicy cuts of human flesh the numbers of tuna will rise, so there will be more tuna for the fisherman to catch and the more tuna reach the market the lower the prices will be. With bluefin tuna fetching up to $1.7 million each at market (3) this fish has become a delicacy enjoyed only by the decadent and wealthy few, rather than being the staple source of protein for the poor as it used to be. So, in conclusion, for the sake of the world's poor and hungry, as well as the of Eggleston's Ethical Enterprises' shareholders, I reaffirm that it's time to instigate the international trade in human flesh. Thank you. (1). http://hollywoodlife.com... (2). http://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org... (3). http://www.bbc.co.uk...