Resolved: I can freak out the NSA more then you

Date: 8/05/2012Hello. My name is Ali Bahar. I recently moved here for my new job. I'm doing some private work for a few buddies back home, helping them with some plans they have. I can't wait, the party they have planned at the US embassy in Benghazi is going to be a Blast! ;DDate: 8/20/2012I was wondering if you guys knew how to woo the ladies, if you know what I mean ;DI just met the most promiscuous lady of my dreams. Her last name is Alexander... But I'll change that soon enough *wink *wink. Praise Allah!Date: 8/27/2012Hello again my woo-savvy friends. I thank Allah for your help.. Me and Ms. Alexander are really going places with this. We've had quite the exciting last few nights.I asked her about her family. She mentioned her father being a Keith Alexander or something like that... Says he runs some NSO or NFA thingy... I don't know. I hope he likes me, his daughter sure does ;D Praise Allah!Date: 10/20/2012Hello again. So I've chatted personally with some of you, and apparently you all seem to think me and Ms. Alexanders past sexual encounters sounded more like rape. Well let me assure you that that's not the case. She never said she didn't want to have sex...Date: 10/22/2012Hey... I thought about it last night as we did it.. And I started listening closely, and I think she might have been crying for me to stop... Haha well you can't blame me, it's really hard to understand words through duct tape.Well either way. She owes me the sex, do you know how much effort I go through to make that secret basement look nice for her?Date: 2/12/2013Okay, guys. I think I got her pregnant. I heard on the news that some girl with a name like hers went missing... Poor child. It said she was the daughter of the NSA's head director. Either way, I decided I'd go check the Mrs, (we got married!!! :D) and I noticed she'd gained some weight. It couldn't be from the food, I only feed her leftovers every other day. She'll thank me when all of her Infidel friends... I mean American friends... Are fat and she still has her thin sexy figure. Praise Allah.Date: 5/25/2013Hello again. I didn't want to go to an American doctor, so I called in some friends from Pakistan. I can't tell you their names, but ya. They said she was pregnant. I'm not sure what to do guys.Date: 7/17/2013Okay, guys.. I know what I'll do. I just need some information on where I can buy powerful explosives. Not anything strong, just enough to blow up 5 city blocks. You know, small like I used to train with back in Al Qaeda.Date: 7/18/2013Hey everyone. I wanted to apologize. I got some messages about my last statement about Al Qaeda. Some of you wanted to know if I was a terrorist or working for the Taliban. I am not. What I meant to say was Al Qeadal, a city somewhere you probably never heard of.Date: 8/27/2013Hey. This is the last you are going to hear from me for a long while. I have my plan ready. I'm going to let my wife spend a few days with her father.I just need coordinates on where a Gen. Keith Brian Alexander lives... When I'm done, I won't have to worry about her pregnancy, or her fathers apparent dislike of me anymore (yea.. Who knew. Never even met the guy and I get word in that he hates me. What kind of crap is that?!) I have to go now my friends. My UHaul is pulling into the drive. I have to get my newly bought explosives loaded for the big day tomorrow. Also, nvm on the coordinates, my buddies from Pakistan just faxed me the fathers address. I know where to sent the "presents" now.Boy... I'm gonna miss that girl.. I'm just not ready to be a parent. See you my good friends! Praise Allah.Date: 8/27/2013Wait guys. Do you think I should mail the package to them? I don't know how long it would take to arrive. I need to make sure Her and her father are home when the delivery arrives. My father-in-law General Keith (who's name seems shockingly close to that NSA director dude's name. Uh..) will love what I have got him :DBye again, my friends! Praise Allah!