Is Bullying a Natural Process

Hello there, and thanks. I look forward to it as well. I'd like to start off with the argument that bullying is a behavior that is based on how a person is brought up. Although this is a common assumption , it is actually more that bullying is exhibited by all types of people, some of them with behavioral issues but MORE often it's done by people who come from more advantageous backgrounds and with higher self esteem. It is actually not the people who have been bullied who turn around to bully others, as studies have shown that people are more likely to join with the group against the person being buillied See studies of "group think" http://psychology.about.com... Actully people with underlying issues such a being bullied or feelings of detachment from their home ( a cause of depression based on loneliness) Are more factors in low-self esteem, and the people who have low self esteem tend not to be the bullies themselves but to be the victims of bullying. They are also the group of people who end to be most effected by the bullying and more likely to take drastic action such as suicide or attacks on their school. My question is why do you think that a usual bully is a victim the self I another problem? Is it because that's there stereotype or because media portrays characters with bullying tendencies as troubled? That being said everyone has problems of some sort, so there as certainly times when it overlaps hat people with serious life issues are also bullies, but then does that explain why such a large number of people who don't have serious problems win their families end up bullying someone ? That also ties in to what we consider as bullying because a person who has serious issues ARE less likely to control themselves because of stress; but verbal abuse and assault are extremes in bullying behavior it they are not the most common types of bullying. A new study (will place link) actually links the reason behind bullying to a person's sense of heiriarchy in a group. The study found that men who displayed dominant traits by bullying were more Attractive to women. This was also true for women as found by the study that women who were the dominant figure in their group were more attractive to men. The study also suggested that in a similar phenomena as groupthink bullying towards a less dominant member of the grip was the groups process of establishing a hierarchy and establish leadership. This basically means that it is the individual who is most confident who tend towards bullying because it establishes their position in the group; versus those who lack self confidence tend to be the ones singled out. I would also like to point out that kindness is not a particularly natural process; kindness or emotional intelligence and compassion, is balanced out with our other needs. The example is what people actually do. They don't tend towards being kind all the time or being mean all the time as would be the case if it were based simply on upbringing. It is dependent on other factors such as stability. Financial stability is linked to stress, and stress is linked to behavior; studies on stress show that the steps in which stress effects the body causes us to behavior more aggressively as a way to protect ourselves. Similar to emotional stability, and social stability. When a person is emotionally distressed they tend not to focus on other people. vice versa for kindness though as kind actions reap kind benefits although people don't just be kind automatically. Thus another question of, in everyday life how many strangers do you see greeting other strangers or smiling at others? How often do you smile at, greet, do favors for, etc in every day life and is that something that most people do? Also I am talking less about the physical and verbal aspects of bulling because those are actually the extreme versions of the issue when in general acts of bullying are more common in the form of passive aggressive behaviors. Talking about other people, excluding them from the group, as well as name calling and the like are mean things that people do every day that are forms of bullying but trying to fight that type of bullying is both impossible and it's fighting the wrong issue; in these forms of bullying which are Aimed at emotions and are the real culprits for why people become depressed and hurt. Since these are the ones that cause isolation, a factor in depression and suicide for bullied people, What needs to happen is a more concerted effort to build self esteem in individuals instead if only going for physical violators but we are missing the point. When I was bullied as a child it was not by beatings or simply from name calling; what actually hurt were when my classmates purposefully excluded me from groups or talked behind my back because of how I looked and the fact that I cried easily and hey knew how to get to me. Thus why I push that it's those natural group-making behaviors need to be awknowledged as such so we can put in place measures that help a child facing them realize that although people won't like them for whatever reason, they have to be comfortable with themselves and learn to deal wih it in positive ways. Unless we awknowledged that it is natural then we will always be ignoring the most painful issues in favor of pretending that we care by going after the more extreme cases of bullying than taking care or individuals who need strengthening. To be honest everyone participates in bullying if they have ever talked badly about someone, didn't include them in play, laughed at them when they messed up etc. and because everyone does it and because we know these are common social acts that we do inatly that bullying is very much and very seriously ingrained in us. Out of curiosity, when or if you were bullied, what did they do do make you feel unwanted? Did they ever put their hands on you, or did they more likely talk badly about you. Also were they the popular kids in your class or where they the unpopular ones who bullied you or others? Also cyber bullying is very much like verbal abuse and both are illegal as they are forms of harassment. Finally; I would hope it should never happen that a child of mine commit's suicide, but the crux of what I what I would always teach my children is that bullying in some form or fashion is GOING to happen and I would hopefully prevent them from calling into the trap of suicide or low self image in general. Bullying is one of those thing that will always happen and I can be as angry as a want to, but it would be my responsibility to raise a child who knows how to deal with it. But also conversely how would you handle it if your child got bullied? If thy already have a zero tolerance policy in place and it doesn't work because your child isn't physically harmed or verbally abused but still feels alone enough to commit suicide what does that tell you about the situation? About who your child was and how you raised them? Or what if your child becomes a bully themself? If they don physically harm someone but another child claims yourS bullies them? You can't make your child like someone or even treat them well, so what does that say about how bullying effects your child, the bully?