Story Writing Debate

"Who's King Mackrond?" I asked. "Was he the one outside the house?" "Yes," replied Charlotte's papa. "He's the head of the Authority- the one behind the scenes. The Authority is just a figurehead." "Really?" I said. "Why didn't you tell us this before? And how does he know you?" "Raff told me, before he..." Charlotte's dad paused. "Never mind. And, no, I don't know how Mackrond knows me. But that doesn't matter now. I took you all to this place because I heard that all devices like these are stored here." He held up the opaque white stone that created the portals. "But first we need to find them..." He dug around the room for a few minutes, until he came upon a large chest filled with stones identical to the one he had. "Aha!" he exclaimed. "Now, each of you take one stone, and we need to destroy the rest. We don't want this kind of power to get into the wrong hands." We obeyed. After receiving our own stones, we smashed the extra ones. When we finished, bits and pieces of crushed white rock lay on the floor, broken and useless. Charlotte's father explained the next piece of the plan. "Now it's time to set people free. Everybody is training and working at this time of day, so all we need to do is go into the rooms where all of the action is happening. We need to split up." He pointed to Charlotte's mom. "Honey, you go with Charlotte and free all of the girls. You two have been there before, so you can create a portal that goes there. Kyle has seen where the men are, so I'll go with him." "What about the city?" Charlotte asked. "Outside the castle, the Authority controls an entire city! Everyone there saw me when I first came here. What about them?" "Their city is just like our city," explained Charlotte's dad. We don't need to worry about them. As long as we can defeat the Authority and King Mackrond, that city will be free." He continued to talk about the plan. "Me and Kyle will meet up with you two in the girl's workplace after we free everyone in the castle. But we need to hurry. Mackrond may have a device like ours, and if he knows where we are, he'll easily find us. Let's go!" Both of Charlotte's parents created a portal, each one leading to a different place. As I saw Charlotte going into the one her mom made, I was dragged into the other. I soon found myself in the room that I had trained in before. Charlotte's dad created yet another portal on the wall, and he encouraged me to do the same. "Make it go to my city," he instructed. Soon, two blue portals spinned and twirled on the wall. "Everybody!" he shouted to the large crowd, "Go in there!" He gestured to the portals. "They will take you out of here!" Eager, all of the men and boys rushed to the way out. Within about ten minutes, everybody had gone. The portals disappeared. Charlotte's papa created a new portal leading to where we all planned to meet up. As expected, all of the women and girls, except for the two we intended to find, had disappeared. "What do we do now?" questioned Charlotte's mom. "Me and you will find the Authority and King Mackrond, and see if we can destroy any remaining portal-makers. But our first priority is to find a safe place for the kids. Do you know of anywhere we could keep Kyle and Charlotte?" Before she could answer, two men and a large army of guards burst into the room. "Well, John," addressed the man in front, whom I recognized as the same person who invaded Charlotte's house earlier that morning. "So, you thought you could destroy our empire, didn't you? Looking for this?" King Mackrond smiled, holding up a recognizable, egglike object. Charlotte and I slinked into the corner, visible but barely noticeable. "Hide your stone," I told Charlotte. "How do you know me?" growled Charlotte"s father. "Does the name Raff McElder ring a bell? Oh... he told me ALL about you before I killed him." He smiled. "Nasty spy. But he got what was coming to him in the end. When I tortured him he told me everything he knew, with the hope he would get to live. I know your plans, John. It won't happen." Mackrond paused. "I forgot to introduce you to someone." He gestured towards the man next to him, who stood quietly as the conversation continued. "His name is Allen Thor, better known as the Authority. My brother." He paused. "Everyone always made fun of him, when he was young. People gave him the worst childhood. They called him stupid and wimpy." He growled. "Even our parents said so. But I told him otherwise. And I promised that I would prevent anything like that from ever happening again. I promised him the world." Charlotte's dad and King Mackrond were nose to nose now. "And you tried to take that away. From him." The man on the side known as the Authority was shaking. I was surprised that he was so normal. "Mackrond, stop it." "I'm doing this for you!" announced King Mackrond. "Stop," said Allen again. "It isn't" right. "BE QUIET! I'M TRYING TO HELP!" "What do you want from me?" said Charlotte's dad. "I saw what you did to the portal-creators," burst the King angrily. "And I know they're not all gone. Give them to me." "No!" screeched Charlotte's mom. She created a portal on the wall. "Charlotte! Kyle! Run!" We immediately ran through only to encounter two guards, who were obviously expecting us. They snatched our stones, created a portal on a nearby tree, and stepped through. We found ourselves in the same room as a moment before. However, two other guards gripped onto Charlotte's mom, too. "Let me make you a deal," he said to Charlotte's dad. "You come with me and give up the stones, and I'll set the children and your wife free." Charlotte's papa, having no other choice agreed. And, as soon as he was seized, Mackrond announced, "Take them away!" "WHAT?" Burst out Charlotte's father. "But you said you would release them!!" "Did you really think I would release the other people who attempted to destroy our empire?" questioned the King. Suddenly, King Mackrond was smacked over the head with one of the large stones. I looked up to see who it was. Allen, also known as the Authority, gasped as he saw what he'd done. "Brother," he sobbed, seeing his sibling's limp body. "I never wanted this to happen," he said to himself. "Not this..." Meanwhile the guards exchanged nervous glances. I heard subtle whispers of "You're not hypnotized?" and "You aren't either?" Realizing that they weren't in any real danger, the guards soon began to leave the room and, most likely, walk home. "What now?" I asked. The room was strangely quiet and empty, save the sobs of a man who just lost his brother by his own hand. Charlotte's papa smashed all of the stones except one, and turned to poor Allen. "Let me see him." Reluctantly, he got out of the way. Charlotte's dad pressed his ear to Mackrond's chest, and then sat up. "Your brother is alive, but unconscious. He'll wake up soon enough. There's an asylum in the city. We'll take him there, and you'll be able to visit him." He turned to me. "And now, Kyle, is your time to go home." "Will I be able to see you again?" I asked. "No," stated Charlotte"s dad. "Once you go through, I'm going to destroy this stone. I can't risk it getting into the wrong hands. But you need your family, Kyle. And they need you." I put my hands on the large stone, aimed it at the wall, and created the portal. As I was about to step through, Charlotte came up from behind me and hugged me. "I'm gonna miss you, Kyle," she said. "We all will," continued her mom. As I stepped through the portal, I couldn't help but feel gratified that I was going back home.