Reverse Euthanasia

http://www.youtube.com...http://www.youtube.com...There’s someone, in this very room, who can’t grasp the detrimental impact civilization has on the happiness of all sentient beings in this world- someone whose name rhymes with Frisippus. Now, I’m not going to disclose the name as that would be in bad taste, but let’s just say this guy’s brain-hamster is ill-equipped.My opponent is, no doubt, extremely superstitious as well as optimistic to a fault. I’ve proven this to be true. He seems to think of my policy as some sort of “evil magic.” But with my plan, I’ve got everything you need, satisfaction guaranteed. And that’s an invitation to make a reservation for my magical mystery tour. It’s hoping to take you away. You see, this is magic of the best kind. In the first video, you’ll find the way the world will sound when my policy is instated. With the following video, you’ll find the way the world will sound when my opponents policy is instated. You don’t want to hear the garbage of Dystopia forever. I’m glad you’re with me on this.As my opponent hypocritically directs you to do, you should: “doubt the very basis of modern civilization.” Here he’s shown he secretly knows that with his plan, you’d be left with the emptiest of feelings. We’re all just disappointed people, clinging onto bottles. And if his plan were to be instated, we’d be so, so disappointed- let down and hanging around. We’d be crushed like a bug in the ground. So I advise my readers, please, don’t get sentimental. It always ends up drivel. The time is right for The Garden of Eden- where The Fuzzy Apes and all other living species may live in harmony once more forever.And he’s right. I do not know what starvation feels like. But he doesn’t know what being shot in the face feels like either. So we’re even there. However, starvation is not inevitable in the recreation of the Garden of Eden. The magical mystery tour that will go round the world will assuredly solve the starvation. I'm definitely 100% sure I heard them mention it. They’d also pass out free birth control and teach sex education. The population would slowly dwindle. But my opponent didn’t consider this. He had to be the big shot. He had to open up his mouth. He had to have the last word and he thinks he knows what everything is about. Well, he sure did put on a show, but this isn’t about the white-hot spotlight, Chrysippus. This is about the fate of the world. It’s not just some piddly little debate that you can wise-asss your way through.In an amazing feat of idiocy which disturbs me deeply, my opponent continues to believe that a short time of peace and prosperity, which he dishonestly refers to as the “Golden Age for mankind,” is better than an eternal Garden of Eden for all sentient beings- mankind included. Eternity=ForeverAge=Miniscule amount of timeGarden of Eden=For everybodyAge for mankind=only for mankindSo, you see, my opponent simply doesn't understand the meaning behind what he says nor the meaning behind what I say nor does he know anything of the crunch. In fact, I would go so far as to say he knows nothing of the crunch. So there's that to take into consideration. As for his confusion, please don't mind him. It is only once in a great while that my misguided opponent forgets to take his alzheimers meds. It is the highlight of his day after all. So let us base our votes not on the decrepit man who presents himself as the harbinger of doom, but on the arguments, which give me the upperhand regardless. DDO, I beg of you, if you’re not convinced by now, you’ll be among the first to go. So get your act together- not just for me- but for yourself, dears. For yourselves. I care for your well-being very much so in an effort to save your lives, I’ll give you a few more reasons why you should disregard my opponents profoundly ignorant policy: 1.) To give you some background on the first time I met Chrysippus, I realized early on that he was actually somewhat into “magic” himself. But not the good kind. More the menacing, stoic kind. So you should take what he says with a grain of salt. It was a cold late night so long ago when I was not so strong, you know. A pretty man came to see me- never seen eyes so blue. I could not run away. It seemed we’d seen each other in a dream. It seemed like he knew me- he looked right through me. “Come on home, girl,” he said with a smile. Try to understand. Try, try, try to understand: He’s a magic man. His witchcraft is not to be believed. Don’t fall for his wily tricks.2.) Eternity of happiness via Garden of Eden>Age of Meh via Hellish Dystopia3.)See above^4.)Let it sink in5.)Exhale6.) Vote ConBy now it should all be making sense to you. I can just imagine you now, staring at this screen, nodding your head knowingly-It makes perfect sense. Why didn’t I think of it before?-and you all reach for the “Big Issues” button to make sure that yours is set to CON Reverse Euthanasia, PRO Eternal Garden of Eden Happy Fun Time For All Sentient Beings Forever and Ever. You see I’m gonna love you forever and ever. Forever and ever, Amen. I’m just lookin out for you. So when I say that The Garden of Eden is the best plan, it’s the best plan. And now you also realize, my opponent is not all there. He’s bananas, crackers, screwy. He’s deranged, disturbed, and, not slightly, but fully off his rocker. His body is irrefutably separate from his rocking apparatus. Dear Voters, he is not sound of mind. I’ve never even heard of lithium.A vote for Con is a vote for Eternal Happiness, nothing more, nothing less.Don’t be like my opponent. Don’t be... One of the First.