Presidential Debate: Optimus Prime vs Dumbledore

It appears that my opponent has found my criminal history within the state of Michigan.... But my opponent does not tell the whole story. The truth is.... THAT LITTLE F*CKER HAD IT COMING. First off anybody who says that Justin Bieber is a better singer then Paul McCartney deserves to get my old wrinkly penis shoved into his a**, mouth, and his left ear.... Second, you should see what Hagrid did to him, after Hagrid had his way you could put a water bottle up that kids anus without there being any friction at all.....On another note the ethnic dildo's ive sent to your house were for your mother since you still live with her.... Now as for Imabench's question, I have long preached social liberalness and fiscal conservatively. Now yes, the 48 Trillion dollar fund for the Federal Department of Mages and Wizards wasnt very fiscally responsible, but I have promised to reduce that amount of funding. Optimus prime though forgot to mention that the man responsible for giving $48 trillion to that department was actually the Obama administration, not me. We can cut funding to departments that dont need it, and rather then use that extra funding to give to fellow autobot friends like Optimus Prime wants to do, I would actually use it to pay off our debt and strategically fund programs to make our military kick a** again. The reason I chose Masterchief as my VP was because he knows where the military needs funding more then anyone else. That and because with him on the ticket I could capture the very elusive OberHerr vote for the election.....As for Optimus Primes response to 16kadams's question about supporting gay marriage equality (something 16k went on record claiming he supports) when Optimus claimed that "Your condition is the result of deep-rooted issues, which occurred when your Uncle touched you as a child."It just shows how little he knows about social issues. As a longtime perverted Uncle, I have witnessed countless times that touching your nephews as a child does not make them gay, it scars them and leads to lawsuits in the future, but it doesnt make them gay. I have conducted this experiment myself numerous times on all of my nephews and they all turned out not gay. "I will do my best to confuse liberty and license, allowing the creepy, transgendered man to use the women's public restroom with your five year old daughter in the stall next to him. Moving on."Sure he says that NOW, but he has broken promises before over Gay Marriage. Remember when he said he would force gays to go to re-education camps? that was like 2 minutes ago! I remember because it totally killed the erection I had going at the time....As for Royal's denunciation of abortion, I have always been in favor of women's rights and the right to terminate a pregnancy if its in the first or second trimester. Now Optimus is just catering to the pro life vote by claiming that rape victims dont exist, but Royal, dont fall for it. As a woman I believe that you should instead be for abortion and then go onto the internet and fight fiercely for women's rights and feminism on debate websites on the forums, Im sure you wont get carried away with it or anything....As for the rest of Optimus Prime's arguments, yes it is unfortunate that Obama slept with the Chinese Prime Minister's retarded daughter, but I forgive Obama for it because its tough to tell if an asian girl is retarded since all Asians have those weird slanted eyes. Besides, that retard had a really nice rack so I dont blame Obama for showing her his stimulus package. Optimus then brought up the war in Afghanistan, the war against the Deceptacons, and how I would address them. Now I would not send in 10 year old wizards to the wars, they currently are fighting battles of their own in my rape dungeon..... I would send in much older wizards who I am not sexually interested in, along with the military regiments that my VP Masterchief currently hails from. Wizards and Halo Spartans would kick so much more a** for a far cheaper price then Optimus Prime's 7 autobot friends ever could. As for the Chicago incident in which Optimus Prime decided to have a shirtless wrestling match all over the city causing billions in damage in what headlines called "The Gayest disaster to hit a major city since Justin Biebers last concert anywhere", the reason us wizards did not respond to it was because we were not alerted that anything was amiss. Have you seen Chicago? it looks like a warzone ALL THE TIME, we had no idea anything had changed....The Optimus brought up my sex history in Michigan even though as a member of NAMBLA (North American Man Boy Love Association, its not made up seriously go google it) I feel that men should be able to love young boys at any age even when they say no. After all, the NAMBLA motto is "Its not rape if the boy isnt conscious to say no"As for my 5 point plan in which I described how I would fix America at a low cost, Optimus counters it with some silly responses, one of which includes my beloved kidf*cker ranch in Florida. Now I do not make plans to fight world evils at my kidf*cker ranch, because my kidf*cker ranch is meant purely for tax exemption purposes..... Optimus though did go into detail about how he would brutally takeover Chrysler and Ford to manufacture proton rifles for his buddies to fight our wars at the taxpayers expense. Now I kow that somewhere in the world, Geo is sh*tting his pants over this, but I would like to assure Geo and everyone else out there who pays taxes, I will not initiate a government takeover of the auto industry.... Im saving that for healthcare.... Then my opponent makes ludicrous claims about hw its 'wrong' to lower the age of sexual consent for 16 to 3.... We live in a very progressive society Optimus, you cant keep living in the past.... Because thats where Transformers Revenge of the Fallen lies, and that movie f*cking sucked. Now my plan does open up the POSSIBILITY of America becoming a center for human trafficking of sex workers, but at least im TRYING to bring Jobs to America.... What have you done Optimus?Lastly, Masterchief is not General Petraeus like Optimus claimed.... He is simply..... Masterchief.... ==========================================================================Mr Dumbledore im afraid you are out of time, as the moderator im forced to ask you to please make your final statement regarding your domestic policy so that we can move on to foreign policy. ==========================================================================The intelligent negro Neil DeGrasse Tyson says I must give a closing statement about my domestic policy, but before I do let me just say this to Optimus before I make a closing statementMr Optimus Prime..... I do not know who you are.......I dont know what you want.......If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you we don't have money. This country is broke as sh*t.But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. Skills that revolve around my ability to control magic and my ability to be in blockbuster movies that actually get nominated by Oscars..... And have a script..... And have Emma Watson in them........ If you let my country go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't... I will look for you.... I will find you.... And I will have Masterchief kill you.......Because hes motherf*cking Masterchief..... That being said, I still only have five words to say to voters and to my opponent about my domestic policies. Socially liberal and fiscally conservative.That is all I have to say about that.