The Mosquito is the Most Dangerous Animal in the World

I honorably accept the Pros concession of the debate and I ask that voters grant him a condu- wait hold on theres an annoying a** mosquito in my room and its pissing me off..... *Swat* hehehe, that was easy. As i was saying, I ask that voters grant Pro the conduct point for forfeiting the debate honorab- hold on theres another mosquito. Geez theres like 5 of them. Where are these little bastards coming from? Got one....... Got another....... Dammit now there like 10. 15. This may take a while. Where the hell.... OH SH*T THERES THOUSANDS OF THEM AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! NOOOO NOOO STOP PLEASE I WANT TO LIVE!!!!! I WANT TO LIVE!!!!!! AHHHHHHH AAAHHHHHH RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!!! THEYRE EVERYWHERE!!!!! OMG THERE ARE PEOPLE OUTSIDE WHO ARE ALL BEING KILLED BY MASSIVE HOARDES OF MOSQUITOS!!!!!! THEYRE EVERYWHERE!!!!! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!! Save yourself.... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Greetings humans. My name is ZZZZZZZZZ, also pronounced simply as annoying-high-pitched-whine-in-your-ear. I speak on behalf of all mosquito's. I have hijacked this pitiful humans computer to issue an ultimatum to all of humanity, it is a declaration of war against your species for your intolerance and abuse of us for countless generations. We mosquito's use to rule the world, we ruled long before humans ever came into the picture. We were around during the age of the dinosaurs, and we made them our slaves. You want to know why the T-Rex was always so pissed off? it was because its arms were too short to swat us away. We used to rule this planet with an iron fist, and our small size made us immune to global catastrophes and extinction events like meteor strikes which meant that all creatures who inhabited the Earth were forced to submit to our rule. However, ever since the rise of you pathetic humans, with your long arms and ability to swat us, we have been unable to counter your defenses and we soon lost control of the planet. We still hang on in Africa though. Ever seen one of those commercials where some poor kid is starving in the mud and he has like 90 flies around his face? Yeah thats us alright. Anyways, we have had enough with you humans. You have wrestled control over all other species to yourself and you have greatly reduced the territorial grounds of all animals to ridiculously small proportions. These days a family of flies cant even go to gnaw at the carcass of a dead bird without a car killing all of them. You arent even going to do anything with that dead bird anyways, why cant we have it? You are all pricks you know that. Back to what i was saying, us mosquitos have had enough, so now we are fighting back. We have long known that we could kill off humans if we rose up in massive numbers, and thanks to the invention of mosquito porn, we have been reproducing faster then ever, and soon we will launch invasions of human cities from the swamplands and moist jungles that we have been populating in for generations now. We will spare you pathetic humans on a few conditions though. Here are our demands. 1) We demand a continent of our own. We are tired of only having Africa. Have you seen that place? It f*cking blows. We want a cool continent, like Europa or North America, hell even South America will do at this point, we just want to get the hell out of Africa, it blows over here. You can inhabit areas we dont want, like Canada, Greenland, Russia, Wisconsin, and any other places overrun with tundra that we mosquitos cant inhabit. We just want land to live on that isnt located on a continent as sucky as Africa. 2) We demand blood, and lots of it. I alone have produced 14,000 children, and these whiny bastards are always wanting something to eat. So we demand that at the end of every year humans give us the fattest people they have so that we may consume them. Any fat person would do, any mother of 6 who has eaten a hot dog at the Daytona 500 could probably feed a good chunk of us for an entire year, but we demand as many fat people to consume as we want. We believe this should be easy for you to accomplish, just from observing people at Disney World we assume there is an abundance of fat people you can provide us to feat on. If you run out of fat people somehow though, stupid people will work fine too. 3) We demand that all smelly odors be abolished. You know in cartoons how something really smelly makes flies suddenly drop dead? Yeah that really happens, and its not funny either, thats like our Holocaust. We demand that all foul smelling odors be plugged up or somehow eliminated to ensure the well being of all mosquito's. We realize that extinguishing the stink that is coming from Alabama may take some time, and we are willing to negotiate a timetable for reducing the smell to tolerable conditions. 4) We demand human intervention in our war against birds. We f*cking hate birds, they eat us all the time and it pisses us off to no extent, that is why we ask that humans assist us in killing as many birds as possible. Not all the big birds like the Bald Eagle, those birds are badass. Im talking about those smaller birds that actually eat bugs to live, kill all of them. Basically we are asking that next time you see a baby duck or a small pigeon walking on the ground, just go ahead and drive the heavy end of your boot right into your skulls. Dont be distracted by how cute they may look either, trust us, birds are godless killing machines, almost like you humans. 5) We demand that you stop hanging up bright shiny objects. You know how humans are attracted to shiny things? Yeah mosquitos are the same. Except whenever we see something shiny and go towards it, it turns out we fly straight into a bug zapper and end up getting electrocuted. Aint that a b*tch? Imagine if you saw a bright light at the end of a dark tunnel and by the time you got to it, BAM, your dead. I know it sucks, but more importantly, us mosquitos are universally opposed to the death penalty and all forms of it (including electrocution) so we demand that all bug zappers be dis-assembled to also ensure the safety of our mosquito children. These are our demands. If they are not met, we will be merciless in carrying out your worldwide extinction. The human that we are talking to is free to negotiate with us and explain why they may or may not be able to meet our demands. If you give a good reason for why you cant carry out one of our demands, then we'll work with you and try to reach an agreeable deal. We wont try to be like lawyers and screw you out of a fair deal because even though us mosquitos are a lot like lawyers (blood sucking parasites) we are a little more lenient in working with people. According to the timer, you have 3 days to begin negotiations, we'll just use the rest of this debate to settle the negotiations. You humans are free to consult with each other to hammer out the terms you would like to negotiate. Until then, we will cease our hostile destruction of the human race..... For now.