Resolved: Dating more people makes for a better marriage

Dating" as I'm saying it, shouldn't really count like speed dating or blind dates, or even one-off dates. The "dating" that I'm talking about is exclusively saying relationships, meaning when you get past the general likes/dislikes (sports, music, movies, tv shows.. whatever) and sex.... and two people consider themselves exclusive with one another and learn about each other in ways that are beyond the superficial. And it is up to cohabitation, but does not include marriage/divorces. And my argument is for having relationships (dating) more people, not just more experience... in fact, I could argue against that to my point (citing dependence). 1. More careful selection: I would argue that it is near-impossible to spot the "deal-breakers" and "warning signs" without sufficient experience. If we limit ourselves, and choose early, we haven't gotten the full experience to know what we would like or dislike in a mate. If we choose late, we are likely to settle when we had better choices early. By not following up on "leads" we are doing ourselves a disservice by not fully understanding not only our mates, but also our likes and dislikes. Additionally, if we don't have the experience, we may not know best how to win over that potential mate that we find best. Experience in learning how to get someone to fall for you is important to win over that best selection. Lastly, we'll feel more comfortable proceeding and not as nervous. Without having to make a choice before any long lasting commitment, we may find ourselves more open to casual relations that will eventually blossom--- More careful selection does not allow you to (1) actually find that someone, since you don't know the criteria yet and (2) be able to win them over if you do: NEGATED 2. Tendency towards long-term relationships: The problem here is if you have made a commitment (not to marriage, but to a long term relationship), you will stay in that relationship, when there really is no future ONLY because you've made a commitment to a long term relationship and want to date as few as possible. Obviously long term relationships are more likely to end in marriage, but you can't commit to long term relationships devotedly, you have to be able to cut the cord whenever you see if going south EVEN IF it means you're raising your dating number... you'll have better luck next time. Also, by staying in that ill-long term relationship, you're passing up a bunch of chances to get with a potentially better mate. --- striving for long term relationships leads to (1) staying in a relationship longer than you should and (2) missing better opportunities : NEGATED 3. Preparation for marriage: Yes, we must build these skills... and that requires cohabitation, which is one of the things I was supporting.... but we also want to get a range of ideas instead of focusing our whole attention on what experience we get from just one or two people before marriage. The faster we can get to cohabitation with someone, the better, we can learn what we like and don't like and learn the skills. Find out sooner if that person is meant for marriage.... if we only live with one or two people before marriage, everything in the marriage will be weighed against only those two experiences... but if you do it with many, you'll come to realize that those experiences ARE normal, and that you can deal with them... it's not just "Sally never did it that way".. it's "Cindy didn't do that, but Marsha did.. and Jan was SO MUCH worse". The more you have to compare to, the more likely you can deal with the bad times in a marriage. I'd say once you reach maturity, it's best to cohabit with a potential partner as fast as possible, its the best way to learn... If you like it, good, get married.. if you don't, then you learned-- You prepare better for marriage, and become less close minded by cohabiting with as many people as possible before marriage : NEGATED 4. Better allocation of dating time: I didn't specify what "dating" was good enough.... therefore, I exclude this point from the debate (otherwise, CONCEDED, but not in reference to the debate) 5. Less baggage: I would argue that "baggage" in the way that most people can't handle comes from past Long Term Relationships with only one or two people ....or promiscuity. Most baggage doesn't come from relationships where people dated for a few months and quit as soon as the tide swayed... they came from people acting according to C2 and trying to stay in relationships longer than they should have... Also, baggage generally occurs when there's only One or Two points to be directed act. Meaning there was one or two ex's that gave them at baggage because they're the only ones the person has dated. I would say that times when a person has dated more people, baggage isn't really an issue. They've learned that that's just the way life is and there is no emotional scarring from it. The more they date, the farther they separate from the baggage, the weaker the baggage becomes. This does exclude promiscuity, as we just saw in Chasing Amy. that is clear baggage that is often times hard to deal with in a relationship... but that is not what I'm supporting.. I'm supporting having many short term dating experiences, up to cohabitation. If you are so determined to keep your number low, any baggage that you gain from any dating will most likely carry on into your marriage and might lead to divorce, whereas, if you date more - you separate yourself from that baggage and can potentially have a happy long marriage: NEGATED On to mine, although many of my points I've already exclaimed in negating yours (1) We understand ourselves better (2) Make us more likely to win over that perfect mate (3) Less likely to end up single (4) Feel more complete (5) Can help our children better (1) We understand ourselves better: By being with more people in relationships, we understand ourselves better. When we go through a break up, we find out why... what did we do wrong? We learn our annoying habits and we learn how to fix ourselves so that when we do find that perfect person, we have perfected ourselves. (2) Make us more likely to win over that perfect mate - From the skills we have learned from making past potential mates accept us as a potential mate as well, we can use those skills when we find a mate that we want even more. We have to feel comfortable attempting to make a mate fall in love with us... and we get those skills from the past (3) Less likely to end up single - If we are too choosy in picking a mate, we might be the last one at the table and end up with the check (I don't think that made sense).. but we might think too highly of ourselves and then when we find the one we want, it may be too late. If we are constantly trying, its more likely that one of them will fit the bill. (4) Feel more complete - if you don't experience more before getting married, its very possible you're going to look back and regret all the things you didn't do... maybe date someone of a different race or just do something in general that your partner isn't interested in (she won't go skydiving, so you can't either). You need to get all these things out of the way first, and assuming you want to do them with a partner, you need a lot of them to get it all done. (5) Can help our children better - the more you date yourself, the better advice you can give your children on their dating or even marriage experience. If you know very little yourself, how can you teach and advise them? I'm not saying to tell them to date around, but even if they've only dated one person and is entirely different than anyone you or your partner has been with... how can you give your children advice? I've ran out of space... hope you got some good counter points! Cheers!