Being offended / feeling victimized

I don't think our positions are on opposite ends of this subject, though we do differ on the totality/generality of my statement. I did not intend to defend against the fact that, to take offense is inherent human nature, but that it is one of many aspects of human nature to be overcome and not embraced or encouraged... It is NEVER appropriate, if only because there is ALWAYS a better approach. Using your example; While I may understand the tendency to want to take offense, little thought is required for one to see the folly therein. It would be better to assume benevolence on the part of your detractor, even if his motive is most likely provocation. His motive is between him and God. The would-be offendee should simply assess the critique, as though it were constructively intended, and determine the legitimacy of the critique for himself. If the critique is legitimate, then the offender should be thanked for his efforts to help you improve yourself. If his critique is false or errant, it can either be corrected or ignored. The decision to correct or ignore the charge can be best determined by the perceived sincerity level of the accuser. That is the ideal physical response. The ideal emotional response comes only after reaching a certain understanding of the human condition. This understanding includes, but is not limited to, such concepts as the depravity of human nature, and the inclusion of one's self in that depravity. In other words, one must first accept that what comes naturally, is not always to be embraced or encouraged. Then they must concede that they too are inherently flawed. This renders one more able to overlook and forgive the flaws of those who commit "offenses" against him. Back to breaking down your example; I do agree with you when you say, "...you need to find out why they said what they did, and to healthily pursue in a friendly relationship with that person you have to understand their feelings and you have to understand theirs..." I disagree, however, that this is cause to be offended. When I share my beliefs with a non-believer, my motivation is almost always love/compassion. I wish for everyone to subscribe to truth. One's Religion should not be chosen in the manner that one chooses his favorite football team. Rather, religious beliefs should be formed by a convincing process. persuasion, plus faith in something lacking physical proof that can be used to convince others. I try to assume that if someone, who believes something that I haven't yet been persuaded of, attempts to discredit my contrary belief, that his motive is love. Otherwise, he wouldn't be concerned about my belief being different from his. If I believe that you must hold to a particular religion in order to avoid eternal damnation, trying to warn others of their impending peril, is that not loving? Let's say, its a clear case of personal insults intended to provoke anger and/or emotional pain. What better response to such ill will than to laugh at the folly of your detractor? There is one better response... To take pity on him, in his error, and lovingly correct his wrong thinking, but this option is rarely well received. A wise man, (some say the wisest to have lived) once said, "... If thine enemy be hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he be thirsty, give him water to drink: For thou shalt heap coals of fire upon his head..." By this, I believe the author is pointing out that when one's ill will is repayed with kindness, rather than causing him to reflect, it generally defeats their point, angering them in the process.