Groupwork 
with Children 
of Battered 
Women 
A Practitioners Manual 
____________________ 
Einat Peled 
Diane Davis 
As adapted by: 
The WCDVS Coordinating Center 
and the 
WCDVS Childrens Subset Study Steering Committee 
for the 
Women, Co-Occurring Disorders and Violence 
Study: Childrens Subset Study 

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Acknowledgements 
This study (and adaptation of the manual contained herein) was funded under Guidance for 
Applicants (GFA) No. TI 00-006 entitled Cooperative Agreement to Study Children of Women 
with Alcohol, Drug Abuse and Mental Health (ADM) Disorders who have Histories of 
Violence from the Department of Health and Human Services, Public Health Service, 
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administrations three centers: Center for 
Substance Abuse Treatment, Center for Mental Health Services and Center for Substance 
Abuse Prevention (March 2000). 
Childrens Subset Study Sites (listed in alphabetical order by state): Los Angeles, 
California: PROTOTYPES Systems Change Center, Vivian Brown, Principal Investigator, 
Stockton, California: Allies: An Integrated System of Care, Lisa Russell, Principal 
Investigator, Colorado: Arapahoe House  New Directions for Families, Nancy VanDeMark, 
Principal Investigator, Cambridge, Massachusetts: Women Embracing Life and Living 
(WELL) Child Project, Norma Finkelstein, Principal Investigator. The Coordinating Center 
is operated by Policy Research Associates (PRA), located in Delmar, New York. 
Disclaimer 
The interpretations and conclusions contained in this publication do not necessarily represent 
the position of the WCDVS Coordinating Center, participating study sites, participating 
Consumer/Survivor/Recovering persons, or the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services 
Administration and its three centers (Center for Substance Abuse Treatment, Center for 
Mental Health Services, Center for Substance Abuse Prevention). 

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Group Sessions 
This manual provides a detailed description of the entire group program after intake. The 
group aims to achieve four main goals and their corresponding sub-goals (see Chapter 2). 
The major goal of breaking the family secret is emphasized in the first five sessions. Ways 
of protecting oneself are discussed in the sixth, seventh and eighth sessions. Efforts to 
improve childrens self-esteem and to provide them with a positive experience are central to 
each of the group sessions. 
The Group Program 
The group program includes an orientation, nine core group sessions and two post group 
booster sessions. The presentation of each session includes a major theme or message, 
desired outcomes for the participants, an outline, and facilitator notes and food for thought. 
Each of these sections is described in the box below. 
The recommended group time for each session of the nine outlined is one hour and fifteen 
minutes for both age groups. Also allow one hour and fifteen minutes for the orientation and 
for each of the booster sessions. 
Sections of a Session Presentation 
Group Message. This section describes the general theme of the specific group 
session. It reflects the larger goals of the program (as stated in Chapter 2) and guides 
the group activities. One can think about it as the desired answer a child (or a group 
leader) would give if asked, What was the group about today? 
Desired Outcomes. This section defines concrete objectives for each session. We 
encourage group leaders to evaluate the achievement of these objectives for each child 
after each session (see sample Desired Outcomes Evaluation Form in Appendix B). 
By performing such evaluation, group leaders can keep track of a childs individual 
experiences in the group. It also may help increase the group leaders awareness of 
concrete accomplishments by the child (see more details below). 
Outline. This section is a summary of each sessions activities. Many of these 
activities contain references to the numbered Facilitator Notes for that session. 
General Considerations and Facilitator Notes and Food for Thought. These two 
sections provide further explanation and description of the outlined group activities 
and expand on the main issues dealt with in the session on the basis of data from the 
evaluation study we conducted (see Chapter 2). Items in Facilitator Notes and Food 
for Thought are numbered for ease of use. 

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We strongly recommend that each group be led by two counselors: a leader and an 
assistant. The presence of two group leaders in the room is required for optimal safety, 
support, and learning conditions. Male-female co-leading provides opportunities for positive 
modeling of gender role behavior and male- female interaction and allows both boys and girls 
to relate to a same-gender and other- gender group leader but is not required. The assistant 
does not necessarily need to be trained; but must be able to comfort and have some 
experience with children. 
The minimum group size is two children. Groups can still continue if the group size drops 
below two due to poor attendance. When a group is started with only two children, every 
effort should be made to find at least one additional child to join the group and every effort 
should be made to maintain the minimum. The maximum group size is ten children. 
OUTCOME EVALUATION 
You should evaluate the achievement of the groups desired outcomes for each child after 
each session. The performance of such evaluation will help you keep track of childrens 
individual accomplishments and experiences of the group. Such information is important for 
facilitating individual childrens achievement of group goals and for an ongoing assessment 
of the childrens needs. It also can serve as an important source of information for assessing 
needs for further services at the end of the group. 
Compare notes on childrens outcomes with those of your co- leader and use the evaluation 
as a basis for team and supervisory discussion of childrens individual progress and needs. 
Child outcome evaluations can be facilitated by using the evaluation form located in box 
4.2. Following are instructions for the use of such forms. These forms should be used only 
by the group leaders and not shared with the childs parents for the duration of the group. 
Instructions. Prepare a set of forms for each child in your group. Familiarize yourself with 
the desired outcomes prior to the session and pay attention to childrens achievement of these 
outcomes during the session. Fill out the forms as soon after the session as possible, when 
your memory of the group process is still fresh. Remember that you evaluate individual 
children, not the group as a whole. Evidence of outcome achievement can be both verbal 
and nonverbal. 
The achievement of some outcomes may be difficult to assess, especially when the outcome 
concerns a certain feeling state or cognitive change. A sensitivity to the childs individual 
manifestations of emotional states and cognitive understanding will be helpful. Write down 
additional observations of the childs experience in the session and other relevant 
information in the space provided under General Comments. 

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Box 4.2: Evidence Categories for Outcome Achievement 
Rarely Somewhat Often Frequently 
General Indicators: 
[ ] Talks/ does not talk in group 
[ ] Brings things to group: food, toys, 
animals, etc. 
Verbal Indicator: 
[ ] Speech: good tone, inflection, clarity 
[ ] Shares thoughts and feelings related to 
group activities 
[ ] Shares personal stories 
[ ] Asks questions on group material 
[ ] Aggressive: shouts 
[ ] Abusive: curses, threatens, puts others 
down, etc. 
Behavioral indicators: 
[ ] Sits outside/inside the middle of the 
circle/activity 
[ ] Sits in an open place 
[ ] Stays in the room 
[ ] Eats snack 
Social Indicators 
[ ] Takes a social role in group 
[ ] Interacts with peers 
[ ] Interacts with group leader 
[ ] Interacts with parents and/or siblings 
Body language indicators: 
[ ] Makes eye contact with group leader 
and other children 
[ ] Does not pace, rock, bite fingernails, 
have ticks, ring hands, cry 
[ ] Relaxed 
[ ] Facial Expressions: interested, lively, 
attentive, etc. 
General Comments: 

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ORIENTATION FOR PARENTS AND CHILDREN 
 Main Theme 
Introducing the agency, staff, and program. 
 Desired Outcomes for the Child and the Parent 
1. To become familiar with the agency, staff, and program. 
2. To wish to participate in the group. 
 General Considerations 
PREVENTING NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES OF GROUP ATTENDANCE FOR THE 
CHILDREN 
As our research indicated, the group is perceived initially by most children as a serious, 
threatening place. Many of them do not come of their own free will but are strongly 
prompted to do so by their parents. Things negatively associated with group participation 
as reported by children and mothers include leaving school early, missing a favorite 
television show or a club activity, confront the fathers opposition to group, and facing the 
difficult issues of substance abuse and violence in the family. 
Orientation Outline 
 Introduce the group leaders. (Session begins with parents, children, and all group 
leaders in the same room.) 
 Introduce the program and the agency: Main goals of the group, group structure, 
time table, expectations from parents and children (confidentiality, child safety 
issues, being on time). [See Facilitator Notes 1,2,3,and 4.] 
 Have time for questions and answers (both parents and children). 
 Arrange the children into groups. Each group goes to the assigned room with the 
group leaders. In the room, the children introduce themselves, and group leaders 
answer the childrens questions, if they have any. Another program facilitator stays 
with the parents, further discusses with them group goals and possible influences, 
and answers their questions. [See Facilitator Note 5.] 
 Children return to the main group, and the families leave. [See Facilitator Note 6.] 
 If a child misses the group orientation session, they can make it up in an individual 
or small group orientation session. 
 Snack should be included in the session. 
 A reward/ reinforcement should be given to each child at the end of the session. 

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An orientation for children and parents allows the children to become familiar with the 
agency and the program in a gradual and safe manner. Take all possible measures to avoid 
negative group-related consequences for the child by scheduling group after school hours 
and by seeking both parents support and participation in the program whenever possible. 
KEEPING THE PARENTS INFORMED ABOUT GROUP 
Several parents in our study felt frustrated and left out because they did not have 
satisfactory information about what their children were doing in the group. More 
specifically, this problem was related to confidentiality issues. Parents appeared to 
understand the purpose and benefits of the norm of confidentiality, but many of the mothers 
interviewed could not avoid feeling curious, uneasy, rejected, and out of control when their 
children chose not to share group experience with them. Confidentiality seemed to put a 
boundary between child and mother. 
A discussion of group structure, contents, and norms in the orientation provides parents 
with the initial information they need to feel comfortable with their childs group 
participation. Be sure to make parents aware that their child will be constructing a safety 
plan, drawing a violent event and participating in activities that focus on the good and bad 
things that hands can do. In this way, the orientation can prevent potential 
misunderstandings and frustrations caused by lack of sufficient information. Obviously, 
further and more detailed communication with parents regarding group activities and their 
potential effect on the child needs to be carried all through the nine group sessions. 
However, all information about the child that is provided to parents should be content based 
rather than based on the behavior of the child. 
Children need to understand that they can talk with their parents about their personal group 
experiences, but not about what other children did or said in group. 
Introduction of Group Goals 
We would like to do many things in this group. All the children participating come 
from families whose mothers are seeking treatment for drug use, mental health issues, 
and other problems that often affect their children. In this group, we talk about some 
of the things that children see, hear, and think when their mothers have these 
problems. This may not always be easy, but we have learned from other children that 
after talking about it in group, many of them feel better about themselves and their 
families. It is very important to help you feel good about yourselves. We want you to 
feel strong and safe, and we talk about ways that can help you feel this way. And we 
also have fun; we have snacks; and sometimes play. 

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 Facilitator Notes and Food for Thought 
1. PRESENTATION OF GROUP GOALS 
It is important to introduce all four goals to the group and help the participants understand 
that all the children in the group have been affected by their mothers trauma, alcohol and 
drug use, and mental health issues. Children and parents need to understand that the group is 
not just a socializing experience. 
2. ORIENTATIONS AUDIENCE 
Keep in mind that both children and parents are your audience in the orientation, so use 
language and presentation style adequate for all ages. Both parents and children may have 
questions and concerns they would not like to raise in the presence of each other. Such 
concerns could be discussed when the children are taken by their group leaders to see the 
group room. 
We sometimes use big puppets to present the group in the orientation. This seems to 
attract younger children and to be accepted with a smile by older children and parents. 
3. ABSENCES AND BEING LATE FOR GROUP 
It is our experience that the rate of no-shows for group participants in a community-based 
agency is relatively high. Many of the children assigned to group after the intake end up not 
showing on the first group session for a variety of reasons. To ensure that there are enough 
participants in each group, the groups will remain open through the third session meaning 
any child can join the group until session four. A child can make up the orientation and the 
first three sessions individually or in small groups. The fourth session will be closed as well 
as all those following. In order for a child to move on to session four, they must have 
completed at least two sessions, in addition to orientation, with the group, individually or in 
a smaller group. Emphasize the importance of childrens participation in each group session 
and of arriving on time. Let the parent know that the group leader shares a joint 
Major Group Goals* 
1. To break the secret of abuse in their families. 
2. To learn to protect themselves. 
3. To experience the group as a positive and safe environment. 
4. To strengthen their self-esteem. 
* Further discussion of group goals can be found on pages 15-22 of the Groupwork with 
Children of Battered Women Manual 

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responsibility in this and will make every effort to start each session on time. If a child 
arrives more than twenty- five minutes late for a session, they can participate in that session 
but the late arrival must be recorded on the attendance sheet provided with each sessions 
outline. Children may have difficulties joining the group when they arrive late or after 
missing a previous session. We recommend that children who miss more than one session 
after session three and do not make it up discontinue their participation in the current group 
and start in a new group at a later time. Parents should also be made aware that the group is a 
commitment and if their child can not attend, they should make a phone call to the group 
leader. 
4. ORIENTATIONS BOUNDARIES 
The orientation is not a therapy or a parenting session, but aims primarily to provide 
information about the childrens group. It is important that this be understood by parents and 
children and that you not allow the discussion to slide into personal issues that cannot be 
dealt with fully in this setting. 
5. DISCUSSING GROUP INFLUENCES WITH PARENTS 
The presentation of group goals to parents can follow the outline presented in Chapter 2 
(Box 2.1 and Figure 2.1). It is important that parents understand not only the group goals 
and processes but also the potential influence on their childrens behavior and on themselves. 
Parents need to be aware that group participation may create both healing and stressful 
effects stemming from group attendance, group activities and processes, and the achievement 
of group intended results (see Chapter 2 for more details). Specifically, parents need to be 
aware of the possible group effects outlined on the following page. Be sure to educate 
parents about these possible effects without overemphasizing or overstating. The statement 
in the box on the following page should be read in its entirety at orientation. Be sure to read 
the statement slowly and stop if anyone has any questions. Also be sure to make the mothers 
aware that a peer support person will be available if needed. 

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Statement to be Read at Orientation 
In choosing to have your child/children participate in this group, you have taken a very 
important positive step towards receiving the services that you and your family need to recover. 
We want to make sure that you are aware of some of the obstacles that come with entering this 
group. Our staff is committed to ensuring that your involvement with the group be as 
comfortable for you as possible. Your choice to go forward with this study will be an important 
contribution for opening the door to services for hundreds of women and families who need these 
services. 
The research interviewer that you have met with has already talked to you about mandatory 
reporting. I wanted to take a moment to answer any questions you may still have about what this 
may mean for you and your family. (PAUSE) I would also like to take this opportunity to discuss 
some potential issues that may make you feel unsafe during your childs group experience: 
 Children may talk about feelings and thoughts and ask questions regarding the violence 
and substance abuse they have not shared before with their parents. Discussing these 
issues may be emotionally stressful for the parents. 
 Children may use new words and ideas they learned in group to define behaviors of 
people around them, including parents, as abusive or violent. This can be challenging 
to parents, who may feel criticized by their child. 
 Children may display unusual or intensified behavior (e.g., acting out, withdrawal) after 
group sessions that were emotionally stressful for them. 
 Children may behave in a more assertive way (or in what seems to them as assertive 
ways). For example, they might resist unwanted touch as part of trying to maintain safe 
personal space. 
These effects are normal when children go into different types of treatment. I know that 
this may still be upsetting to you, and I think it may be beneficial for you to talk with 
someone that you are presently receiving services from about your concerns. Sometimes, 
people feel worse before they feel better, and our staff is dedicated to making you and your 
family feel as safe as possible during your childs treatment. 
Our staff is determined to support you and your family through this process every step of 
the way. Please voice any concerns that you have at any time, and do not hesitate to contact 
us if you do not feel that we are living up to our commitment. We have a peer support person 
available to talk with you if you feel it would be beneficial. 
We greatly appreciate your participation and we look forward to seeing your child next 
week. 

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Help parents understand how these potentially problematic effects are an integral part of a 
healing process for the child. Reassure parents that they can turn to you with questions and 
concerns whenever the need arises during the group. 
6. TREATS 
A snack and a small reinforcement (e.g., a sticker, a balloon) should be provided to each of 
the children during the orientation and also at the end of each session. 
WEEK ONE: GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER 
 Message 
Its okay to feel and express feelings. 
Outline for Session One 
 Message: Its okay to feel and express feelings. 
 Introductions: Introduce yourselves and then ask each child to say his or her name 
and why he or she is here [See Facilitator Note 1.] 
 Have each child decorate and laminate a name placard that will be used during 
each group session. 
 Introduce the agency (agencys name, purpose, and clientele). You may start by 
asking the children to tell you what the name of the agency means. 
 Introduce the program (structure of program and of each session, timetable, and 
general contents). 
 Have Getting to Know Each Other Activity: [See Facilitator Note 2.] 
 Group Rules and Discipline: Develop and establish group rules (children and 
group leaders). [See Facilitator Note 3.] 
 Have children decorate a poster board outlining the rules the group has developed. 
 Check-In: Introduce check-in as part of each group session. Do check- in for 
todays group: How did you feel about coming here, and how did you feel in the 
group today? [See Facilitator Note 5.] 
 Closure: Pass the Squeeze; Optional message: Its okay to talk about abuse in 
the group. [See Facilitator Note 6.] 
 Snack should be included in the session. 
 A reward/reinforcement should be given to each child at the end of the session. 

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 Desired Outcomes for the Child 
1. To feel comfortable with group leaders and other children 
2. To understand the structure and main content of the program 
3. To be willing or to desire to come to the next group session 
 General Considerations 
ROOM SETTING 
The group room should be hospitable for children. The space should be large enough to 
allow free play and some physical activity. We have found large floor cushions to be the 
most comfortable sitting arrangement. Minimal required furniture and equipment are floor 
cushions, table and chairs for drawing and writing activities, a chalkboard or easel board, 
paper, pencils and crayons, free-play toys, and accessories (including puppets). We also 
strongly recommend having a VCR in the group room. 
SNACK 
Children in our research talked about the snack as one of the most memorable aspects of 
group. The snack seemed to have contributed significantly to the childrens positive and fun 
experience in the group. Some children are simply hungry after school, and most enjoy 
snacking anytime. The snack is also an opportunity for modeling egalitarian gender roles 
when both male and female group leaders prepare and serve the food. 
We prefer nonsugared health snacks such as fruits, popcorn, and crackers with cheese 
or peanut butter. As a beverage, we prefer water or juice. To celebrate the last session, the 
children can be treated to their own choice of snack (e.g., ice cream, pizza). 
The snack should be prepared and brought to the group room before the session starts. 
The decision about when to serve the snack depends on the sessions agenda and on group 
dynamics. We usually serve the snack in the first half of the session and continue with the 
next activity while the children eat and drink. 
BREAKING THE SECRET 
Breaking the secret is a widely used metaphor for a common goal of intervention with 
victims of family violence. The phrase alludes not only to the tangible, solid nature of the 
emotional isolation that many child witnesses of domestic violence and substance abuse 
appear to experience but also to the work required to deal with it. Breaking the secret is a 
long, complex, and painful process that involves the ability to identify and define violence, 
the awareness of feelings produced by the exposure to violence and its consequences, and the 

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power to share with trusted others these feelings and the traumatic events that brought them 
about. 
This process begins with the childrens first visit to the agency and continues throughout 
the group. The first group session is especially difficult for children because it forces them 
to face the existence of violence in their family in a group situation. Most children know that 
they are in the group because of the violence and that others know it as well. Consider the 
following quotes from our study: 
First I thought it was weird, because the first day I thought it was about the whole 
family doing abuse, and my mom said that it was about my dad drinking and stuff and 
doing stuff, but I thought it was for the whole family I never talked about my family 
[before] I was shy and stuff because I didnt want to be around people I didnt know. 
(9-year-old boy, 4 months after group) 
I thought [the group] would be like, youd have to talk about everything that happened 
in the past. Anyway, Im going like, Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Theres no way I am 
telling my life, its my personal stuff. (9-year-old girl, 1 month after group) 
The main challenge of the first group session is to create a safe and comfortable 
atmosphere that encourages the children to come to the second group session willingly, 
while at the same time being clear that the group centers on childrens experiences with 
violence and substance abuse at home. Children need to know that they will not be 
forced to share personal stuff and to believe that the group leaders and the other 
children will be able to handle the things they may wish to share. 
 Facilitator Notes and Food for Thought 
1. INTRODUCTIONS 
Beginning the group by asking the children to say why they think they are here sends 
the children an important message. We let them know that they are in the group for a 
reason and not just for fun, that we plan to discuss violence and substance abuse related 
issues in the group, and that we want them to talk about wha t happened in their families 
and that they can handle it. 
2. GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER ACTIVITY 
Decorate Your Name. Each person writes his or her name on a paper and decorates it 
with a design that expresses who he or she is. When finished, the drawings are 
presented to the group. This activity will be used for both age groups. Younger children 
may have some difficulty writing their name and leaders should be sensitive to this 
issue. A leader may have to write the name for the child and then allow them to 
decorate it. These cards should then be laminated and used during each group session. 

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3. GROUP RULES AND DISCIPLINE 
Group rules are a form of contract between the children and the group leaders and 
among the children. Rules allow clarity and predictability, basic components of a safe 
environment for children. Such an environment is especially important for child 
witnesses of domestic violence who have experienced emotional and physical threat or 
abuse. Rules need not be overemp hasized; however, maintain as few rules as possible, 
and establish only realistic rules. 
Children can suggest rules they would like to have in the group. This establishes the 
childrens ownership of the group and thus empowers them. It is your responsibility, 
however, to ensure that certain essential rules are established and that inappropriate rules 
are not established. We consider the rules listed in the box on the previous page to be 
essential rules. 
Other rules suggested by the children can be added. However, rules that contradict the 
essential rules should not be accepted. Discuss unacceptable rules and help the children 
understand why these rules would not benefit the group. For example, a child in one of 
our groups suggested the rule no talking without the permission of the teachers. We 
told her that this rule probably works well in school but that here in the group people 
may feel better if they can talk when they think they have something important to say 
and if it does not interfere with someone else talking. 
Group rules should be written on a colorful poster to serve both as a constant reminder 
and as a decoration of the group room. Children can sign their names on the rules 
poster. This both empowers the children and helps establish the contractual nature of 
the rules. 
Essential Rules for Group Participants 
 Confidentiality (with the exception of suspicion of child abuse) 
 No physical or verbal abuse or coercion 
 Respect for others opinions, feelings, and personal space (including listening 
while others talk) 
Suggestions for Effective Discipline 
 Tell the child what to do, instead of what not to do. 
 Avoid power struggles. Ask questions, rather than make statements. 
 Let your tone of voice and posture do part of the work; bend to the childs height 
and speak softly. 
 Keep your suggestions and directions to a minimum. 
 Criticize the behavior, not the child. 
 Redirect undesirable behavior. 
 Look for creative solutions. 

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Once rules are established, it is your responsibility to enforce them. It is extremely 
important that group rules be enforced consistently and assertively from the beginning. 
Remember that groups need a balance of both intimacy and authority in order to work. 
Rule enforcement is a crucial factor in your ability to work with children who tend to act 
out. Your response to rule violations is a modeling opportunity for positive and 
constructive (rather than punitive and abusive) discipline. Effective discipline is a 
shared problem-solving process, rather than an adversarial confrontation. The 
suggestions in the box on the previous page may be helpful to keep in mind. 
A common example of rule violation that can be very disruptive for the group is 
when a child does not listen to what another child is saying as part of a group activity 
but instead distracts other children by teasing or talking with them. The box on the 
following page shows examples of good and poor rule enforcement efforts in such a 
case. 
Examples of Rule Enforcement in Group 
Setting: The group (10- to 12- year-olds) sits in a circle; children present family drawings 
they made. Rachel shows her drawing and starts to name her family members. Steve 
tries to draw with a crayon on Mikes leg. Mike chuckles, pulls his leg away, and tells 
Steve to stop. Steve tries again. 
An example of poor rule enforcement: 
Group Leader Steve, stop it! You seem not to care much about getting to know 
Rachels family. Please put the crayon in the box and listen. 
Steve (keeps the crayon) Okay, I will stop. 
Group Leader (in a stern tone) I asked you to put the crayon back in the box. Please do 
it so we can continue. 
Steve (raises his voice a little) Why do you care if I keep it? I dont do anything with it! 
Group Leader Youve heard what I said! One of the rules in this group is to respect 
each other, and you were disrespectful to Rachel. Come on, lets get it done with. 
Steve I wasnt! I was just holding this crayon. I need to go to the bathroom. (gets up 
and leaves the room) 
An example of good rule enforcement: 
Group Leader Steve, Rachel is telling us about her family now. Maybe you want to 
draw on a paper while you listen? 
Steve Okay. (doodles for a while and then rolls the paper into a tube and sticks it in 
Mikes arm) 
Group Leader Steve, one of our rules here is to listen respectfully to each other. When 
you tease Mike, it is hard for Rachel to talk and for us to listen. Would you like a 
little break outside to help you get more relaxed? 
Steve No, I dont wanna go outside. 
Group Leader Okay, you dont have to, but then it means that you listen to Rachel, and 
once she is done, we will want to hear about your family too. 

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4. CHECK-IN 
The purpose of check-in is to allow children to talk about how they feel and to 
legitimate these feelings. Check- in also helps children identify and name feelings. In 
this session, check-in is introduced at the end of the meeting and is limited to a 
discussion of childrens feelings about the first session. For all other sessions, check-in 
takes place at the beginning and centers on how the children felt during the last week 
and on the day of the group. 
When children identify a feeling, encourage them to say why they are feeling the way 
they do. The box on the following page presents an example. 
It is important to allow each child adequate time and group attention when checking in. 
At the same time, check- in should not be extended beyond reasonable time limits or turn 
into the sessions main focus. Make exceptions when children need to share and work 
on recent traumatic events, such as an eruption of violence at home. 
Two different forms of check-in will be used to accommodate the two different age 
groups. Children ages 5-7 will use the Weather report exercise and children ages 8-10 
will use the Direct expression of feelings and thoughts exercise. 
Direct expression of feelings and thoughts. Older children may find it easier to discuss 
highs and lows of the previous week. 
Weather report. Children choose, from a poster describing several weather conditions, 
the one that reflects their feeling (e.g., sunny, foggy, cloudy, stormy) and explain to the 
group why they feel this way. 
An Example of Check-In Dialogue 
Group Leader Well, Mike. How did it feel coming here today? 
Mike Okay 
Group Leader Can you say more about how you felt? 
Mike It wasnt the greatest thing. 
Group Leader Yeah, for most of the children who come here, its not very easy the first 
time. Do you know why you werent so excited about coming here? 
Mike Because I couldnt go to my soccer game. 
Group Leader Yeah, it can be annoying to miss a game. How do you feel now, after 
the group today? 
Mike Okay, I suppose. 
Group Leader Ahhmm 
Mike Its okay. Its not really like school. 

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5. PASS THE SQUEEZE GAME 
The Pass the Squeeze game is a closure ritual that brings the group together and 
gives the children an opportunity to hear the main message of the group and to express 
what they have learned that day. The children and the group leaders stand and hold 
hands in a circle, and a message is passed from one person to the next by saying it and 
squeezing the hand of the next person in the circle. Then the squeezed person says the 
message and squeezes the hand of his or her other neighbor, and so on around the circle. 
You can suggest a message that reflects the main issue dealt with in the session. This 
activity also can be an opportunity to empower the children by letting them suggest their 
own message or by helping them construct one that is meaningful and that relates to the 
group content. It is our experience that even very young children can come up with 
good messages after a few sessions in which group leaders model the choice of a 
message. 
With preadolescents, this activity may raise a problem when boys and girls do not want 
to hold each others hands. We try to respect the childrens wishes and suggest that the 
uncomfortable feeling may pass after the children get to know each other better. The 
activity also can be done either without holding hands or by passing an object from one 
child to the other while saying the message. 
There is a difference between a childs ability to verbalize the groups message and his 
or her emotional internalization and acceptance of it. We found in our study that most 
children remember the main group messages, such as Its okay to talk about abuse, 
Abuse is not okay, and The violence is not my fault. However, variables such as 
the childrens personalities and developmental state, family situations, and family 
histories of abuse may influence the childrens readiness to incorporate these statements 
into their cognitive and emotional makeup. 

- 17 - 
WEEK TWO: WHAT HANDS CAN DO 
 MESSAGE 
Abuse and violence are not okay. 
 Desired Outcomes for the Child 
1. To become familiar with group participants, structure, and rules 
2. To participate in activities about domestic violence 
3. To learn that abuse is not okay under any circumstances 
4. To learn basic definitions of violence and abuse 
 General Considerations 
By learning to define abuse, children construct a violence vocabulary that allows 
them to talk about abuse, share abusive experiences, and assign responsibility for 
abusive behavior. This information also enables them to learn that abuse is not okay and 
that it is not their fault when their parents fight. 
Outline for Session Two 
 Message: Abuse and violence are not okay. 
 Check- in. [See Facilitator Note 1.] 
 Feeling of the day: SAD. [See Facilitator Note 2.] 
 Re-introduce name cards. 
 Review group rules. 
 What is abuse?: Define violence and abuse and talk about their different forms. 
This can be done by brainstorming different ways of being abusive, with puppets who 
present scenes of abuse (especially effective for explaining emotional abuse), or with 
visual aids such as pictures of abusive behaviors the children have to identify. [See 
Facilitator Note 3.] 
 What Hands Can Do poster activity. The 5-7 year old group will work together to 
construct one poster. The 8-10 year old group will draw their posters individually. 
[See Facilitator Note 4.] 
 Closure: Personal affirmation. [See Facilitator Note 5.] 
 Pass the Squeeze; Optional message: Abuse is not okay. [See Facilitator Note 6.] 
 Snack should be included in the session. 
 A reward/ reinforcement should be given to each child at the end of the session. 

- 18 - 
Our research interviews and observations suggest that most, if not all, children can 
define abuse, distinguish among forms of abuse, and state that abuse is not okay at the 
end of the group and later on. However, it appears that although children know that 
abuse is wrong, parents sometimes think that their children do not apply this knowledge 
to their own behavior. 
The process of defining interactions as abusive also can cause unintended stress for 
family members. Several mothers reported that their behavior was criticized by their 
children, who used the new information gained in the group. In the light of new 
knowledge acquired in the group, children may reevaluate their parents behavior and 
parenting style. This appraisal occasionally has put parents in uncomfortable and even 
stressful positions. For example, a mother recalled the following: 
I guess she got into the aspects of the idea, of the abuse. The whole idea about abuse, 
and how people couldnt be abusive any more And in another sense she kind of used 
it too, to her advantage, by making statements she would say things like, Well, if 
you touch me, Ill turn you in for child abuse! I felt like there were times when she 
has gotten, when she used it a lot I sometimes, I dont know if [the group] was good 
or bad. (Mother of a 9- year-old girl, 4 months after group) 
Uncomfortable feedback by the child also, at times, had a potentially positive 
secondary impact on the parent: 
[My son] has occasionally told me if I was hollering, cause hollering was a big pattern 
in my family too, screaming and hollering and carrying on like that. And I really tried 
to cut down, but it, ya know, thats gonna take me time too, but he said, ya know, 
Youre being abusive and he does use this work which annoyed me at first, but I will 
usually stop and think about what hes saying to me. (Mother of a 10-year-old boy, 2 
months after group) 
Such a feedback, coming from the child, can serve as reinforcement for a parent going 
through a change process aimed at nonabusive interaction patterns. This might 
especially be the case with parents who have completed groups for abusers or 
victims/survivors. Parents who have not going through groups themselves may find 
anti-abusive responses of their child to be threatening, even to the point of further 
violence. Thus it is important to discuss this possible effect of the group with the 
parents during orientation and during the parenting group. 
 Facilitator Notes and Food for Thought 
1. CHECK-IN 
The purpose of check- in is to allow children to talk about how they feel and to legitimate 
these feelings. Check-in also helps children identify and name feelings. Check- in should 
center on how the children felt during the last week and on the day of the group. 

- 19 - 
When children identify a feeling, encourage them to say why they are feeling the way they 
do. It is important to allow each child adequate time and group attention when checking in. 
At the same time, check-in should not be extended beyond reasonable time limits or turn into 
the sessions main focus. Make exceptions when children need to share and work on recent 
traumatic events, such as an eruption of violence at home. 
Two different forms of check-in will be used to accommodate the two different age 
groups. Children ages 5-7 will use the Weather report exercise and children ages 8-10 will 
use the Direct expression of feelings and thoughts exercise. 
Direct expression of feelings and thoughts. Older children may find it easier to discuss 
highs and lows of the previous week. 
Weather report. Children choose, from a poster describing several weather conditions, the 
one that reflects their feeling (e.g., sunny, foggy, cloudy, stormy) and explain to the group 
why they feel this way. 
2. FEELING OF THE DAY (SAD) 
This activity is part of the groups feeling education, which continually reaffirms the 
legitimacy of all feelings and their appropriate expression. Its aim is to strengthen childrens 
awareness of different feelings, to help them label feelings, and to allow them to express 
different feelings. In all but the first and last sessions, you will focus on and discuss one 
feeling, usually at the beginning of the session after check- in. Most of the feelings discussed 
are relevant to the sessions main theme. These feelings are: sad, angry, safe, hurt, afraid, 
strong, and brave. 
Briefly present and discuss the feeling of the day: sad. After the initial presentation of 
the feeling, each child and group leader tells the group about a time in the last week when he 
or she felt this way. Sometimes it is difficult for children to remember a recent occasion; in 
that case, they can choose any relevant occasion they remember. Help the children 
understand better how they felt and what triggered the feeling and to connect the feeling with 
behavior (e.g., what did you do when you felt sad?) 
3. DEFINING ABUSE 
People in all age groups tend to define a behavior by giving examples of it. We suggest 
that you include in the discussion of the different kinds of abuse  physical, sexual, and 
emotional  a general definition of abuse. Abuse can be defined as any behavior that 
physically or emotionally hurts another person and that is not an accident. Also discuss 
feelings that result from being abused and from abusing, such as fear, guilt, and feeling bad 
about oneself. Be sure to use age appropriate language in your discussions. 

- 20 - 
Emotional abuse is often more subtle than physical abuse and harder to identify. It is 
also a form of abuse that often is normalized and minimized. A definition of emotional 
abuse that can be used with children is when one person makes another person feel really 
bad about him- or herself, and not by accident. Help children understand emotional abuse 
by giving them examples they can relate to, such as bullying behavior in school or putdowns 
by siblings. Then discuss how similar behaviors can occur between adults. The term 
emotional abuse can be replaced with feeling abuse for younger children. 
4. POSTER DRAWING 
This activity combines an educational message with an opportunity for creativity. The 
completed posters also can serve as decorations for the group room or for the agency. 
What Hands Can Do. 
The 5-7 year old group will do this activity in a group. The group leader will draw two 
hands on a la rge piece of paper and ask the children to think about how hands can help or 
hurt. The group leader will then write their thoughts around each of the hands. The leader 
should be sure each child has a chance to speak. 
The 8-10 year old group will do this activity individually. Instruct the children to trace both 
of their hands on paper. Ask them to think about how hands can help or hurt, to write their 
thoughts around each of the hands, and then to decorate them. Give each child time after 
they have completed their drawing to show it to the group and speak about what they wrote 
around their hands. 

- 21 - 
5. POSITIVE AFFIRMATION 
One of the main goals of the group is to strengthen childrens self- esteem. Positive 
affirmation contributes directly to the achievement of this goal by providing children with an 
opportunity to acknowledge and share with others something positive about themselves. In 
this activity, the group stands in a circle and the children, in turn, describe a positive trait or 
something they are good at or one way in which they felt good about themselves in the past 
week. 
Although it appears to be a simple exercise, it is our experience that many children find 
this activity very difficult. Some children are not used to being complimented, or even to 
thinking positively about themselves. Others will need your help in differentiating between 
participation in an enjoyable activity and appreciating an enjoyable trait in themselves (e.g., 
I like playing football vs. I am good at football). Still, it is important to insist on helping 
each child find a personal positive affirmation each week. For example: 
I think that it was good that they have these, like, positive affirmations. Its something 
you like about yourself or someone said nice to you or something like that. (A 9-year-old 
boy, 4 months after group) 
6. PASS THE SQUEEZE GAME 
The Pass the Squeeze game is a closure ritual that brings the group together and gives 
the children an opportunity to hear the main message of the group and to express what they 
have learned that day. The children and the group leaders stand and hold hands in a circle, 
and a message is passed from one person to the next by saying it and squeezing the hand of 
the next person in the circle. Then the squeezed person says the message and squeezes the 
hand of his or her other neighbor, and so on around the circle. 
You can suggest a message that reflects the main issue dealt with in the session. This 
activity also can be an opportunity to empower the children by letting them suggest their own 
message or by helping them construct one that is meaningful and that relates to the group 
content. It is our experience that even very young children can come up with good messages 
after a few sessions in whic h group leaders model the choice of a message. 
With preadolescents, this activity may raise a problem when boys and girls do not want to 
hold each others hands. We try to respect the childrens wishes and suggest that the 
uncomfortable feeling may pass after the children get to know each other better. The activity 
also can be done either without holding hands or by passing an object from one child to the 
other while saying the message. 

- 22 - 
There is a difference between a childs ability to verbalize the groups message and his or 
her emotional internalization and acceptance of it. We found in our study that most children 
remember the main group messages, such as Its okay to talk about abuse, Abuse is not 
okay, and The violence is not my fault. However, variables such as the childrens 
personalities and developmental state, family situations, and family histories of abuse may 
influence the childrens readiness to incorporate these statements into their cognitive and 
emotional makeup. 

- 23 - 
WEEK THREE: ANGER 
 Message 
Its okay to be angry and express it, but it is not okay to abuse others with my anger. 
Outline for Session Three 
 Message: Its okay to be angry and express it, but it is not okay to abuse others with 
my anger. 
 Check- in. [See Facilitator Note 1.] 
 Feeling of the day: ANGRY. [See Facilitator Note 2.] 
 Re- introduce name cards. 
 A story and a discussion. [See Facilitator Note 3.] 
 Children ages 5-7 will read The Monster Boy. (Please note that The Monster Boy is no 
longer currently in press, but may be available from the library or via the internet) 
 Children ages 8-10 will read Dont Rant and Rave on Wednesdays. 
 Discussion: Do you ever get angry like the people in the story? What do you do when you 
get angry? Is it okay to hurt others when you are mad at them? Who is a safe person to talk 
with when you get mad? 
 Personal expression of anger exercise [See Facilitator Note 4.] 
Younger children: Ask children to act out, in turn, their typical behavior/response when they 
are angry (e.g., What do you do when you are angry? How do you look when you are 
angry?). The acting is followed by a discussion of personal and general appropriate and 
inappropriate expressions of anger. 
Older children: Children draw a picture or make a sculpture with clay that represents how they 
feel when they are angry. Discuss personal and general appropriate and inappropriate 
expressions of anger. 
 Free-time activity. The 5-7 year old group will do the Dancing with Crepe Paper Exercise. 
The 8-10 year old group will do Relaxation Exercises.[See Facilitator Note 5.] 
 Closure: Personal affirmation. [See Facilitator Note 6.] 
 Pass the Squeeze; Optional message: Its okay to be angry but not to abuse others with 
my anger. [See Facilitator Note 7.] 
 Snack should be included in the session. 
 A reward/ reinforcement should be given to each child at the end of the session. 

- 24 - 
 Desired Outcomes for the Child 
1. To learn that all feelings, including bad ones, need to be acknowledged and felt 
2. To know it is okay to express all feelings in group 
3. To recognize ones own expressions of anger 
4. To learn to differentiate between appropriate and inappropriate expressions and 
anger 
 Facilitator Notes and Food for Thought 
1. CHECK-IN 
The purpose of check- in is to allow children to talk about how they feel and to legitimate 
these feelings. Check- in also helps children identify and name feelings. Check-in should 
center on how the children felt during the last week and on the day of the group. 
When children identify a feeling, encourage them to say why they are feeling the way they 
do. It is important to allow each child adequate time and group attention when checking in. 
At the same time, check-in should not be extended beyond reasonable time limits or turn into 
the sessions main focus. Make exceptions when children need to share and work on recent 
traumatic events, such as an eruption of violence at home. 
Two different forms of check- in will be used to accommodate the two different age groups. 
Children ages 5-7 will use the Weather report exercise and children ages 8-10 will use the 
Direct expression of feelings and thoughts exercise. 
Direct expression of feelings and thoughts. Older children may find it easier to discuss 
highs and lows of the previous week. 
Weather report. Children choose, from a poster describing several weather conditions, the 
one that reflects their feeling (e.g., sunny, foggy, cloudy, stormy) and explain to the group 
why they feel this way. 
2. FEELING OF THE DAY (ANGRY) 
Briefly present and discuss the feeling of the day: angry. After the initial presentation of 
the feeling, each child and group leader tells the group about a time in the last week when he 
or she felt this way. Sometimes it is difficult for children to remember a recent occasion; in 
that case, they can choose any relevant occasion they remember. Help the children 
understand better how they felt and what triggered the feeling and to connect the feeling with 
behavior (e.g., what did you do when you felt angry?) 
Anger is usually the most familiar feeling for child witnesses of domestic violence. Often 
it is a secondary feeling that masks other feelings, such as shame, fear, and pain. It is also a 

- 25 - 
feeling connected most immediately with the eruption of violence. This is why we chose to 
devote an entire session to exploring anger. 
3. STORIES 
Young children usually love to be told stories. Older children, however, may think it a 
childish activity. In this case, you can let the children participate in reading a story by 
passing the book around the circle and letting each child read a page. You may want to 
guide the childrens listening by asking them to pay attention to certain issues in the story, 
such as the suggested discussion questions. 
4. PERSONAL EXPRESSION OF ANGER 
This activity has two purposes: (a) to help children recognize their own appropriate and 
inappropriate ways of expressing anger and, if needed, (b) to teach them alternative 
behaviors. Appropriate ways of expressing anger are those that do not involve the abuse of 
self, other people, animals, or property. Davis (1984), in her book Something Is Wrong at 
My House, suggests: I can get rid of some of the mad feelings in me without being mean. I 
feel better when I run, dance, jump rope, play my drums, draw a picture, write a story or 
make up a song (p. 18). 
Some professionals suggest that hitting a pillow or another unbreakable object is a 
legitimate and therapeutic way of releasing anger. We oppose this view. Hitting an object is 
closely associated with abuse. It can serve as a modeling of physical violence and can 
constitute a threat in and of itself. The message we want to convey to children is that hitting 
is wrong in any shape or form. 
Some children, especially preadolescent boys, may use different violent behaviors to 
express their anger, thus becoming both victims and perpetrators of violence. Such 
behaviors can include torturing animals, bullying other children, vandalism, and hitting their 
siblings or parents. In some extreme cases, you may want to refer the child to a young 
perpetrators group or to individual therapy around these issues. 
5. FREE-TIME ACTIVITIES 
Free-time activities are meant to give children a break from the regular activitie s of the 
group and, when needed, to allow them to relax and release tension accumulated in other 
activities. 
Activity for 5-7 year olds: 
Dancing With Crepe Paper. Put colorful, light crepe paper in the center of the room. Play 
music and encourage the children to choose a piece of paper and dance with it. Remind them 
to be careful not to bump into each other while dancing. In harmony with the music, 
children can pretend they are on the moon, on a tropical island, or elsewhere. 

- 26 - 
Activity for 8-10 year olds: 
Relaxation Exercises* 
Instructions 
One way to relax when you feel tense 
is to OUT-TENSION THE TENSION! 
Next time your muscles feel tight, 
TIGHTEN them even more! 
Start with your feet. 
Curl your toes into a TIGHT ball. 
Feel the tension build. 
Now TIGHTEN your legs, 
then your stomach, 
then your chest. 
Now tighten your hands, 
your arms, your shoulders, 
your neckyour faceyour head. 
From the tips of your toes, 
to the tops of your eyebrows 
your muscles are TIGHT WITH TENSION! 
HOLD IT! 
COUNT TO FIVE  1  2  3  4  5 . 
Now RELEASE every part of your body. 
Let all the tension go 
RELAXRELAXRELAX 
until youre as limp as a rag doll. 
OrBREATHE YOUR TENSION AWAY. 
Lie down in a quiet place. 
close your eyes, 
and place your hands over your ribs. 
Think of your belly as a balloon. 
TAKE A DEEP BREATH. 
BREATHE IN SLOWLY through your nose 
until the balloon feels full. 
HOLD IT. 
COUNT TO FIVE  1  2  3  4  5. 
Then BREATHE OUT SLOWLY 
through your mouth. 
Repeat the exercise several times. 
Each time you will become 
more and more RELAXED. 

- 27 - 
Now 
Pretend youre a butterfly 
floating on the breeze. 
Imagine a peaceful meadow 
Where the beautiful flowers gently sway. 
Feel warm sunlight flow through your veins. 
Tell yourself: 
My whole body is warm and comfortable. 
I am calm and relaxed. 
Because I am calm and relaxed, 
everything is okay. 
I can handle my problem. 
Relaxing may not solve every problem, 
but once you relax, 
problems wont seem quite so big, 
and it will be easier to solve them. 
*From Dont Pop Your Cork on Mondays: The Childrens Anti-Stress Book, by Adolph Moser. Landmark 
Editions, Inc., MI. 
6. PERSONAL AFFIRMATION 
One of the main goals of the group is to strengthen childrens self- esteem. Positive 
affirmation contributes directly to the achievement of this goal by providing children with an 
opportunity to acknowledge and share with others something positive about themselves. In 
this activity, the group stands in a circle and the children, in turn, describe a positive trait or 
something they are good at or one way in which they felt good about themselves in the past 
week. 
7. PASS THE SQUEEZE GAME 
The Pass the Squeeze game is a closure ritual that brings the group together and gives 
the children an opportunity to hear the main message of the group and to express what they 
have learned that day. The children and the group leaders stand and hold hands in a circle, 
and a message is passed from one person to the next by saying it and squeezing the hand of 
the next person in the circle. Then the squeezed person says the message and squeezes the 
hand of his or her other neighbor, and so on around the circle. 
You can suggest a message that reflects the main issue dealt with in the session. This 
activity also can be an opportunity to empower the children by letting them suggest their own 
message or by helping them construct one that is meaningful and that relates to the group 

- 28 - 
content. It is our experience that even very young children can come up with good messages 
after a few sessions in which group leaders model the choice of a message. 
With preadolescents, this activity may raise a problem when boys and girls do not want to 
hold each others hands. We try to respect the childrens wishes and suggest that the 
uncomfortable feeling may pass after the children get to know each other better. The activity 
also can be done either without holding hands or by passing an object from one child to the 
other while saying the message. 
There is a difference between a childs ability to verbalize the groups message and his or 
her emotional internalization and acceptance of it. We found in our study that most children 
remember the main group messages, such as Its okay to talk about abuse, Abuse is not 
okay, and The violence is not my fault. However, variables such as the childrens 
personalities and developmental state, family situations, and family histories of abuse may 
influence the childrens readiness to incorporate these statements into their cognitive and 
emotional makeup. 

- 29 - 
WEEK FOUR: DRUG ABUSE 
q Message 
Im not the only one whose parents use drugs. 
q Desired Outcomes for the Child 
1. To raise awareness of some of the feelings produced by the experience of a parent 
who abuses drugs (anger, pain, frustration, guilt, sadness; feeling mixed up, ashamed, 
guilty.) 
2. To know that other families experience the effects of drug abuse. 
q Facilitator Notes and Food for Thought 
1. CHECK-IN 
The purpose of check- in is to allow children to talk about how the y feel and to legitimate 
these feelings. Check- in also helps children identify and name feelings. Check-in should 
center on how the children felt during the last week and on the day of the group. 
When children identify a feeling, encourage them to say why they are feeling the way they 
do. It is important to allow each child adequate time and group attention when checking in. 
Outline for Session Four 
 Message: Im not the only one whose parents use drugs. 
 Check-in. How was your week? How did you feel about coming here today? 
[See Facilitator Note 1.] 
 Re- introduction of name cards. 
 Feeling of the day: SAFE. [See Facilitator Note 2.] 
 Substance Abuse Video: Coping With a Parent who Drinks or Abuses Drugs. 
 Discuss the video: Can you remember a time when you saw a parent using drugs? 
How did that make you feel? What are some safe places you can go if you know 
your parent is using drugs? 
 Begin preparation for safety plan in Session 8. [See Facilitator Note 3.] 
 Closure: Personal affirmation. [See Facilitator Note 4.] 
 Pass the Squeeze; Optional message: Im not the only one whose parents use 
drugs. Using drugs can hurt families. [See Facilitator Note 5.] 
 Snack should be included during the video in this session. 
 A reward/ reinforcement should be given to each child at the end of the session. 

- 30 - 
At the same time, check- in should not be extended beyond reasonable time limits or turn into 
the sessions main focus. Make exceptions when children need to share and work on recent 
traumatic events, such as an eruption of violence at home. 
Two different forms of check-in will be used to accommodate the two different age 
groups. Children ages 5-7 will use the Weather report exercise and children ages 8-10 will 
use the Direct expression of feelings and thoughts exercise. 
Direct expression of feelings and thoughts. Older children may find it easier to discuss 
highs and lows of the previous week. 
Weather report. Children choose, from a poster describing several weather conditions, the 
one that reflects their feeling (e.g., sunny, foggy, cloudy, stormy) and explain to the group 
why they feel this way. 
2. FEELING OF THE DAY (SAFE) 
Briefly present and discuss the feeling of the day: safe. After the initial presentation of the 
feeling, each child and group leader tells the group about a time in the last week when he or 
she felt this way. Sometimes it is difficult for children to remember a recent occasion; in 
that case, they can choose any relevant occasion they remember. Help the children 
understand better how they felt and what triggered the feeling and to connect the feeling with 
behavior. Can you remember a time when you felt safe/unsafe? Children need recognition 
and support for all feelings whether they are safe or unsafe. Also discuss drugs and alcohol 
as both being substances subject to possible abuse or excess. What does this do to a 
family/parents/children? Use this session to help children feel less isolated in their 
experience of drugs and alcohol in their family, and help them articulate a positive selfreferring 
statement. 
3. PREPARATION FOR SAFETY PLAN 
During this session group leaders should begin preparing for the safety plan activity that 
will take place in Session 8. This activity asks the children to formulate an individualized 
safety plan by writing down safe people and places they can go to in cases of emergency. 
Because this issue is also discussed in the video the children watch in this session, the group 
leaders should start preparing the children to think about what safe places and people are 
present in their lives. As children think of these things, the group leader should record them 
on the spaces provided on the session cover sheet. Once the children reach Session 8, the 
group leader can refer back to his/her notes and use them to aid the child in the construction 
of the safety plan. 

- 31 - 
4. PERSONAL AFFIRMATION 
One of the main goals of the group is to strengthen childrens self-esteem. Positive 
affirmation contributes directly to the achievement of this goal by providing children with an 
opportunity to acknowledge and share with others something positive about themselves. In 
this activity, the group stands in a circle and the children, in turn, describe a positive trait or 
something they are good at or one way in which they felt good about themselves in the past 
week. 
5. PASS THE SQUEEZE GAME 
The Pass the Squeeze game is a closure ritual that brings the group together and gives 
the children an opportunity to hear the main message of the group and to express what they 
have learned that day. The children and the group leaders stand and hold hands in a circle, 
and a message is passed from one person to the next by saying it and squeezing the hand of 
the next person in the circle. Then the squeezed person says the message and squeezes the 
hand of his or her other neighbor, and so on around the circle. 
You can suggest a message that reflects the main issue dealt with in the session. This 
activity also can be an opportunity to empower the children by letting them suggest their own 
message or by helping them construct one that is meaningful and that relates to the group 
content. It is our experience that even very young children can come up with good messages 
after a few sessions in which group leaders model the choice of a message. 
With preadolescents, this activity may raise a problem when boys and girls do not want to 
hold each others hands. We try to respect the childrens wishes and suggest that the 
uncomfortable feeling may pass after the children get to know each other better. The activity 
also can be done either without holding hands or by passing an object from one child to the 
other while saying the message. 
There is a difference between a childs ability to verbalize the groups message and his or 
her emotional internalization and acceptance of it. We found in our study that most children 
remember the main group messages, such as Its okay to talk about abuse, Abuse is not 
okay, and The violence is not my fault. However, variables such as the childrens 
personalities and developmental state, family situations, and family histories of abuse may 
influence the childrens readiness to incorporate these statements into their cognitive and 
emotional makeup. 

- 32 - 
WEEK FIVE: SHARING PERSONAL EXPERIENCES WITH VIOLENCE 
 Messages 
Im not the only one whose parents fight. 
Its okay to tell the group about the violence in my family. 
 Desired Outcomes for the Child 
1. To share with the group personal and family experiences related to violence and to 
experience the accompanying feelings. 
2. To know that the other children in the group experience violence as well. 
 Facilitator Notes and Food for Thought 
1. CHECK-IN 
The purpose of check- in is to allow children to talk about how they feel and to legitimate 
these feelings. Check- in also helps children identify and name feelings. Check-in should 
center on how the children felt during the last week and on the day of the group. 
Outline for Session Five 
 Messages: Im not the only one whose parents fight. Its okay to tell the group about the 
violence in my family. 
 Check- in. [See Facilitator Note 1] 
 Feeling of the day: HURT. [See Facilitator Note 2.] 
 Re- introduce name cards. 
 Children draw a violent event or a scary fight that has happened in their family. [See 
Facilitator Note 3.] 
 Children present their drawings. Talk about the childrens feelings at the time of the event 
and while doing the drawings. 
 Free-time activity. The 5-7 year old group will do the Dancing with Crepe Paper Exercise. 
The 8-10 year old group will do Relaxation Exercises.[See Facilitator Note 4.] 
 Preparation for safety plan activity in Session 8. [See Facilitator Note 5.] 
 Closure: Personal affirmation. [See Facilitator Note 6.] 
 Pass the Squeeze; Optional message: Its okay to tell the group about violence in my 
family. [See facilitator Note 7.] 
 Snack should be included in the session. 
 A reward/ reinforcement should be given to each child at the end of the session. 

- 33 - 
When children identify a feeling, encourage them to say why they are feeling the way 
they do. It is important to allow each child adequate time and group attention when checking 
in. At the same time, check- in should not be extended beyond reasonable time limits or turn 
into the sessions main focus. Make exceptions when children need to share and work on 
recent traumatic events, such as an eruption of violence at home. 
Two different forms of check- in will be used to accommodate the two different age 
groups. Children ages 5-7 will use the Weather report exercise and children ages 8-10 will 
use the Direct expression of feelings and thoughts exercise. 
Direct expression of feelings and thoughts. Older children may find it easier to discuss 
highs and lows of the previous week. 
Weather report. Children choose, from a poster describing several weather conditions, the 
one that reflects their feeling (e.g., sunny, foggy, cloudy, stormy) and explain to the group 
why they feel this way. 
2. FEELING OF THE DAY (HURT) 
Hurt as used here means both physical and emotional pain. Children more readily think of 
concrete examples of physical hurt. Encourage the children to acknowledge and discuss the 
more intangible incidents during which they felt emotionally hurt. 
3. DRAWING A VIOLENT EVENT 
Drawing and discussing a witnessed violent event allows children to examine some of their 
thoughts and feelings about the violence, to get support for the, and to learn about the 
witnessing experiences, feelings, and thoughts of other group members. 
This activity can be very painful for children. Expressing feelings tied to traumatic 
experiences is a difficult and stressful experience in and of itself, even when it is legitimated 
and supported. The following observations from our study illustrate how emotionally loaded 
this activity can be: 
[Group Leader (GL) A asks the children to draw the most violent event they either saw or 
heard in their family.] 
Sharon Well, there was no violence in my family, nothing really happened. 
GL A Was there any yelling or threatening? 
Sharon Yeah. 
GL A Well, you know, thats what you should draw. 
[Sharon is getting agitated. She plays with her juice and makes all kinds of grimaces.] 

- 34 - 
Sharon (after a short while) Can I draw myself as an animal again? 
GL A Sure. 
[Sharon starts drawing an animal, and while drawing, groans and moans.] 
Sharon I cant! I cant draw it. I cant do yelling. 
[Sharon talks with GL A about drawing yelling and other alternatives. She keeps drawing 
for a while and then stops and puts her face on the floor. Then she raises her head again and 
continues to draw. She says she is frustrated because she cant draw a lion the way she 
would like. Then she turns her paper to the other side and starts a new picture.] 
GL B You know, sometimes when we do things like that, it brings back all the feelings we 
felt when these things happened. Thats fine. We know its hard, but its all right. 
GL A Sometimes we feel sad or mad about the things that happened. 
[The children continue to draw for a while. Amy tells GL A she doesnt feel very well and 
goes out to drink water. Then Sharon says she doesnt feel very well, stops drawing, hugs 
her stuffed giraffe, and lies down on the floor, curled like a baby with her giraffe. She is 
saying again that she doesnt feel very well, that she wasnt feeling well all the time, but that 
now she really doesnt feel well.] (Observations of seventh group session; children are 8- 
and 9-year-olds) 
As illustrated in the above quote, children often deal with the bad feelings produced by this 
exercise by talking with peers, drawing other pictures, walking around the room, tearing up 
or scribbling on their pictures, or refusing to draw altogether. Support the children by 
affirming their difficulties. Encourage, but do not force, them to draw. Some children may 
be able to talk about but not draw the most violent event. Soft background music can create 
a pleasant atmosphere and help children concentrate on their drawings. 
When the children present their drawings, support and encourage them, but do not push 
them to talk about what they are not ready to share with the group. Allow the children to talk 
about their pictures or the events the y drew without showing the picture itself. 
This sessions focus on the familys most difficult moments can be distressing and even 
disempowering for the children. Although some of the pain cannot be avoided, you can help 
the children by reminding them of their parents strength in coping with the violence (by 
looking for help and by working to prevent further incidents of abuse). 
4. FREE-TIME ACTIVITY 
The purpose of this activity is to allow children to release some of the tension accumulated 
while drawing and talking about the violent events that happened in their families. The same 
free time activities used in session 3 will be used here. 

- 35 - 
Activity for 5-7 year olds 
Dancing With Crepe Paper. Put colorful, light crepe paper in the center of the room. Play 
music and encourage the children to choose a piece of paper and dance with it. Remind them 
to be careful not to bump into each other while dancing. In harmony with the music, 
children can pretend they are on the moon, on a tropical island, or elsewhere. 
Activity for 8-10 year olds 
Relaxation Exercises* 
Instructions 
One way to relax when you feel tense 
is to OUT-TENSION THE TENSION! 
Next time your muscles feel tight, 
TIGHTEN them even more! 
Start with your feet. 
Curl your toes into a TIGHT ball. 
Feel the tension build. 
Now TIGHTEN your legs, 
then your stomach, 
then your chest. 
Now tighten your hands, 
your arms, your shoulders, 
your neckyour faceyour head. 
From the tips of your toes, 
to the tops of your eyebrows 
your muscles are TIGHT WITH TENSION! 
HOLD IT! 
COUNT TO FIVE  1  2  3  4  5 . 
Now RELEASE every part of your body. 
Let all the tension go 
RELAXRELAXRELAX 
until youre as limp as a rag doll. 
OrBREATHE YOUR TENSION AWAY. 
Lie down in a quiet place. 
Close your eyes, 
and place your hands over your ribs. 
Think of your belly as a balloon. 
TAKE A DEEP BREATH. 
BREATHE IN SLOWLY through your nose 
until the balloon feels full. 
HOLD IT. 
COUNT TO FIVE  1  2  3  4  5. 

- 36 - 
Then BREATHE OUT SLOWLY 
through your mouth. 
Repeat the exercise several times. 
Each time you will become 
More and more RELAXED. 
Now 
Pretend youre a butterfly 
floating on the breeze. 
Imagine a peaceful meadow 
where the beautiful flowers gently sway. 
Feel warm sunlight flow through your veins. 
Tell yourself: 
My whole body is warm and comfortable. 
I am calm and relaxed. 
Because I am calm and relaxed, 
Everything is okay. 
I can handle my problem. 
Relaxing may not solve every problem, 
but once you relax, 
problems wont seem quite so big, 
and it will be easier to solve them. 
*From Dont Pop Your Cork on Mondays: The Childrens Anti-Stress Book, by Adolph Moser. Landmark 
Editions, Inc., MI. 
5. PREPARATION FOR SAFETY PLAN 
During this session group leaders should begin preparing for the safety plan activity that 
will take place in Session 8. This activity asks the children to formulate an individualized 
safety plan by writing down safe people and places they can go to in cases of emergency. 
The group leaders should start preparing the children to think about what safe places and 
people are present in their lives. As children think of these things, the group leader should 
record them on the spaces provided on the session cover sheet. Once the children reach 
Session 8, the group leader can refer back to his/her notes and use them to aid the child in the 
construction of the safety plan. 
6. PERSONAL AFFIRMATION 
One of the main goals of the group is to strengthen childrens self- esteem. Positive 
affirmation contributes directly to the achievement of this goal by providing children with an 
opportunity to acknowledge and share with others something positive about themselves. In 
this activity, the group stands in a circle and the children, in turn, describe a positive trait or 
something they are good at or one way in which they felt good about themselves in the past 
week. 

- 37 - 
7. PASS THE SQUEEZE GAME 
The Pass the Squeeze game is a closure ritual that brings the group together and gives 
the children an opportunity to hear the main message of the group and to express what they 
have learned that day. The children and the group leaders stand and hold hands in a circle, 
and a message is passed from one person to the next by saying it and squeezing the hand of 
the next person in the circle. Then the squeezed person says the message and squeezes the 
hand of his or her other neighbor, and so on around the circle. 
You can suggest a message that reflects the main issue dealt with in the session. This 
activity also can be an opportunity to empower the children by letting them suggest their own 
message or by helping them construct one that is meaningful and that relates to the group 
content. It is our experience that even very young children can come up with good messages 
after a few sessions in which group leaders model the choice of a message. 
With preadolescents, this activity may raise a problem when boys and girls do not want to 
hold each others hands. We try to respect the childrens wishes and suggest that the 
uncomfortable feeling may pass after the children get to know each other better. The activity 
also can be done either without holding hands or by passing an object from one child to the 
other while saying the message. 
There is a difference between a childs ability to verbalize the groups message and his 
or her emotional internalization and acceptance of it. We found in our study that most 
children remember the main group messages, such as Its okay to talk about abuse, Abuse 
is not okay, and The violence is not my fault. However, variables such as the childrens 
personalities and developmental state, family situations, and family histories of abuse may 
influence the childrens readiness to incorporate these statements into their cognitive and 
emotional makeup. 

- 38 - 
WEEK SIX: TOUCH 
 Message 
My body is private, and I have the right to protect it. 
 Desired Outcomes for the Child 
1. To learn to differentiate between appropriate and inappropriate touch. 
2. To know what to do in the event of attempted or actual sexual or physical abuse. 
3. To know that ones body is private and that one has the right not to share it if it feels 
uncomfortable. 
4. To accept fear as a legitimate and helpful emotion. 
Outline for Session Six 
 Message: My body is private, and I have the right to protect it. 
 Check- in. [See Facilitator Note 1.] 
 Feeling of the day: AFRAID. [See Facilitator Note 2.] 
 Re-introduce name cards 
 Story 
Girard, L.W. (1984). My Body is Private. Niles, IL: Albert Whitman. (Ages 4-9) 
 Discuss the story. How do we know that a touch is a bad touch? What does our fear 
tell us? When do we call a bad touch sexual abuse? What can you do to protect yourself 
when someone touches you in a bad way? 
 Good touch-bad touch exercise. [See Facilitator Note 3.] 
 Preparation for safety plan activity in Session 8. [See Facilitator Note 6.] 
 Closure: Personal affirmation. [See Facilitator Note 7.] 
 Pass the Squeeze; Optional message: My body is private, and I have the right to 
protect it. [See Facilitator Note 8.] 
 Snack should be included in the session 
 A reward/ reinforcement should be given to each child at the end of the session. 

- 39 - 
 General Considerations 
ABUSED CHILDREN 
The aims of this session are to provide the children with basic definitions and an 
understanding of appropriate and inappropriate touch and to teach them basic protective sills. 
This session is not designed to be and is not sufficient as an intervention with children who 
were sexually or physically abused. Children you suspect or know have been abused should 
be referred to an agency or a clinician who deals specifically with child abuse. 
Although self-disclosure of sexual or physical abuse is not encouraged in this session, be 
ready for the possibility that a child will disclose past or present abuse. If a child discloses 
abuse, acknowledge that you heard him or her (e.g., I am sorry that it happened to you; it 
wasnt your fault) and arrange to get more details later (e.g., I am interested in hearing 
more about it; maybe we can talk after group so that I can give you my full attention). 
CONFIDENTIALITY 
The group rule of confidentiality may create difficulties in the cases of children who 
disclose information to the group about sexual, physical, or other forms of severe abuse. On 
the one hand, you establish the norm of confidentiality because you want the children to feel 
safe to disclose in the group any family secret they may have. On the other hand, you have 
the duty to report suspected cases of abuse, and this may be perceived by the child as a 
violation of the rule of confidentiality and of his or her trust in you and in the group. 
This potential problem can be prevented by qualifying the rule of confidentiality in the first 
group session. The children need to know that you have an obligation to share any 
information on sexual, physical, or other severe abuse of a child if such information was not 
disclosed and acted on before. Although this exp lanation may cause some children to be 
more inhibited about sharing their personal experiences with the group; it will prevent the 
betrayal of the childs trust in you and in the group. 
SEXUAL HARASSMENT 
Younger children may find sexual harassment difficult to understand. However, this issue 
could be addressed with children if they already have encountered the term in school, in the 
media, or anywhere else. Sexual harassment can be presented as sexually directed verbal 
abuse or as a verbal form of sexual abuse aimed at the childs private body parts, sexual 
behavior, or sexual identity. Children should know that sexual harassment is as wrong as 
touch sexual abuse and should be responded to in the same way. 

- 40 - 
 Facilitator Notes and Food for Thought 
1. CHECK-IN 
The purpose of check-in is to allow children to talk about how they feel and to legitimate 
these feelings. Check- in also helps children identify and name feelings. Check- in should 
center on how the children felt during the last week and on the day of the group. 
When children identify a feeling, encourage them to say why they are feeling the way they 
do. It is important to allow each child adequate time and group attention when checking in. 
At the same time, check- in should not be extended beyond reasonable time limits or turn into 
the sessions main focus. Make exceptions when children need to share and work on recent 
traumatic events, such as an eruption of violence at home. 
Two different forms of check-in will be used to accommodate the two different age 
groups. Children ages 5-7 will use the Weather report exercise and children ages 8-10 will 
use the Direct expression of feelings and thoughts exercise. 
Direct expression of feelings and thoughts. Older children may find it easier to discuss 
highs and lows of the previous week. 
Weather report. Children choose, from a poster describing several weather conditions, the 
one that reflects their feeling (e.g., sunny, foggy, cloudy, stormy) and explain to the group 
why they feel this way. 
2. FEELING OF THE DAY (AFRAID) 
Fear, the feeling of the day, can be stressful and even paralyzing and thus is often 
perceived as a negative feeling. However, fear also can be presented to children as an 
empowering feeling; it tells us that we are at risk and that we need to do something to take 
care of ourselves. When we are afraid, it is a sign that something is wrong and that we need 
to ask ourselves what can be done to alleviate the fear. When you discuss with the children 
times when the y felt afraid, also ask them what they did to take care of themselves. 
3. GOOD TOUCH-BAD TOUCH EXERCISE 
Fear often is mixed with feelings of ambiguity and confusion. We are often afraid when 
we sense that something wrong is happening but cannot identify exactly what is wrong or 
how to correct it. Children, especially in families in which touch was used in both caring 
and abusive ways, often get confusing messages about the meaning of physical touch and 
how to respond to it. This confusion may result in either fear of any kind of touch or an 
inability to trust ones fear as an indicator that something is wrong and that action needs to 
be taken. The aim of this exercise is to sensitize children to the differences between 

- 41 - 
appropriate and inappropria te touch. Once children are able to make this distinction, they 
can learn what to do when they are touched inappropriately. 
Post on the wall a large drawing of a gender- neutral human figure, front and back. Give 
children red and green stickers and ask the, in turn, to put the stickers on the figures body  
red ones to mark areas of bad touches and green ones to mark areas of good touches. 
Discuss additional possibilities for good and bad touches, the difference between good 
touch and bad touch (especially when they are in the same area of the body), and the 
connection between bad touch and different forms of abuse (physical, sexual, and 
emotional). 
4. PERSONAL PROTECTION 
We recommend that you give the children clear and simple instructions regarding how to 
protect themselves when someone is trying to harm them. You can write these instructions 
on a poster or on personal cards. Basic instructions are presented in Box 4.19. 
5. GENDER AND SEXUAL ABUSE 
The book used during this session is directed primarily at girls. As a facilitator it is 
important to be aware of the shame that often surrounds male victims of sexual abuse. If 
there are boys in the group, be sure to pay close attention to them during the session. 
Emphasize that the themes in the book My Body is Private apply to both the girls and boys 
in the group. In addition, each group should have the childrens book, Daniel and his 
Therapist by Linda Morgan, in the room as a resource. If needed, this book about a boys 
experience with his therapist after being sexually abused should be read to the group or to an 
individual child. 
6. PREPARATION FOR SAFETY PLAN 
During this session group leaders should begin preparing for the safety plan activity that 
will take place in Session 8. This activity asks the children to formulate an individualized 
safety plan by writing down safe people and places they can go to in cases of emergency. 
The group leaders should start preparing the children to think about what safe places and 
Box 4.19: Basic Instructions for Personal Protection 
 Say no. 
 Get away, if possible. 
 Tell someone you trust. 

- 42 - 
people are present in their lives. As children think of these things, the group leader should 
record them on the spaces provided on the session cover sheet. Once the children reach 
Session 8, the group leader can refer back to his/her notes and use them to aid the child in 
the construction of the safety plan. 
7. PERSONAL AFFIRMATION 
One of the main goals of the group is to strengthen childrens self-esteem. Positive 
affirmation contributes directly to the achievement of this goal by providing children with an 
opportunity to acknowledge and share with others something positive about themselves. In 
this activity, the group stands in a circle and the children, in turn, describe a positive trait or 
something they are good at or one way in which they felt good about themselves in the past 
week. 
8. PASS THE SQUEEZE GAME 
The Pass the Squeeze game is a closure ritual that brings the group together and gives 
the children an opportunity to hear the main message of the group and to express what they 
have learned that day. The children and the group leaders stand and hold hands in a circle, 
and a message is passed from one person to the next by saying it and squeezing the hand of 
the next person in the circle. Then the squeezed person says the message and squeezes the 
hand of his or her other neighbor, and so on around the circle. 
You can suggest a message that reflects the main issue dealt with in the session. This 
activity also can be an opportunity to empower the children by letting them suggest their 
own message or by helping them construct one that is meaningful and that relates to the 
group content. It is our experience that even very young children can come up with good 
messages after a few sessions in which group leaders model the choice of a message. 
With preadolescents, this activity may raise a problem when boys and girls do not want to 
hold each others hands. We try to respect the childrens wishes and suggest that the 
uncomfortable feeling may pass after the children get to know each other better. The 
activity also can be done either without holding hands or by passing an object from one child 
to the other while saying the message. 
There is a difference between a childs ability to verbalize the groups message and his or 
her emotional internalization and acceptance of it. We found in our study that most children 
remember the main group messages, such as Its okay to talk about abuse, Abuse is not 
okay, and The violence is not my fault. However, variables such as the childrens 
personalities and developmental state, family situations, and family histories of abuse may 
influence the childrens readiness to incorporate these statements into their cognitive and 
emotional makeup. 

- 43 - 
WEEK SEVEN: ASSERTIVENESS 
 Messages 
I have the right to be safe. 
I can be strong without being abusive. 
Outline for Session Seven 
 Messages: I have the right to be safe. I can be strong without being abusive. 
 Check- in. [See Facilitator Note 1.] 
 Feeling of the day: STRONG. [See Facilitator Note 2.] 
 Re- introduce name cards. 
 Learning the differences between assertiveness, aggressiveness, and passivity through a 
discussion of a story. 
5-7 year old children will read: 
Cosgrove, Stephen. (1996). Squeakers. Putnam Publishing. 
After the story is read and discussed the facilitator should read pages 43 through 46 of the The 
mouse, the monster and me and have the children practice The Saying No Game found on 
page 47. 
8-10 year old children will read: 
Palmer, P. (1977). The mouse, the monster, and me. San Luis Obispo, CA: Impact. 
The children should read and have a discussion on the first five sections of this book (through 
page 47) including practicing The Saying No Game found on page 47. 
 Assertiveness Activity: Personal Space Exercise. [See Facilitator Note 3.] 
 Safety discussion: What are potentially dangerous situations for the children (including 
those related to family violence)? Who is responsible for the violence and for stopping it? 
How can the children protect themselves in dangerous circumstances? [See Facilitator 
Note 4.] 
 Preparation for safety plan activity in Session 8. [See Facilitator Note 5. ] 
 Closure: Personal affirmation. [See Facilitator Note 6.] 
 Pass the Squeeze; Optional message: Im a special, lovable person. [See Facilitator 
Note 7.] 
 Snack should be included in the session. 
 A reward/ reinforcement should be given to each child at the end of the session. 

- 44 - 
 Desired Outcomes for the Child 
1. To be able to identify several personal positive qualities and strengths. 
2. To know the difference between being strong and being abusive. 
3. To know that a child has the right to be safe. 
 General Considerations 
ASSERTIVENESS 
The aim of this session is to introduce to children the concept of assertiveness (as 
opposed to aggressiveness and passivity) and connect it with their right to be safe. This 
session is not assertiveness training (a much longer process) and probably will not create 
noticeable changes in the behavior of most children. It is important to communicate the 
limitations of this assertiveness session to parents in order to prevent unrealistic 
expectations. 
PREPARING FOR THE END OF THE GROUP 
Children need time to digest the coming end of the group and to prepare for it. Mention 
to the children in this session that only two more group sessions are left. This may upset 
some children who enjoyed the group and became attached to group participants and leaders. 
Childrens feelings about the nearing end of the group may be expressed as acting out. 
 Facilitator Notes and Food for Thought 
1. CHECK-IN 
The purpose of check-in is to allow children to talk about how they feel and to legitimate 
these feelings. Check- in also helps children identify and name feelings. Check- in should 
center on how the children felt during the last week and on the day of the group. 
When children identify a feeling, encourage them to say why they are feeling the way 
they do. It is important to allow each child adequate time and group attention when checking 
in. At the same time, check-in should not be extended beyond reasonable time limits or turn 
into the sessions main focus. Make exceptions when children need to share and work on 
recent traumatic events, such as an eruption of violence at home. 
Two different forms of check-in will be used to accommodate the two different age 
groups. Children ages 5-7 will use the Weather report exercise and children ages 8-10 will 
use the Direct expression of feelings and thoughts exercise. 
Direct expression of feelings and thoughts. Older children may find it easier to discuss 
highs and lows of the previous week. 

- 45 - 
Weather report. Children choose, from a poster describing several weather conditions, the 
one that reflects their feeling (e.g., sunny, foggy, cloudy, stormy) and explain to the group 
why they feel this way. 
2. FEELING OF THE DAY (STRONG) 
When discussing with the children times when they felt strong, it is important to 
emphasize at least two ways of being strong: physically and emotionally/mentally (inside 
and outside strong). Help the children remember occasions when they felt strong inside 
and commend them on their strength. 
3. ASSERTIVENESS ACTIVITY 
Personal Space Exercise. The aim of this activity is to raise the childrens awareness of 
personal space in general and to sensitize them to their own personal boundaries. 
Separate the children into two groups and have them line up facing each other on both 
sides of the room. Assign a partner from the opposite side of the room to each child. As one 
of the groups starts advancing toward the other, instruct the members of the stationary group 
to pay attention to their level of comfort as their designated partner moves toward them and 
to tell that partner stop! when it feels as if the child is getting too close. Repeat the 
exercise after switching the roles between the two groups. 
After the exercise, discuss with the children their personal boundaries, personal levels of 
comfort, their right to maintain comfortable boundaries around their personal space, 
occasions when personal boundaries may be violated, and ways of handling these occasions. 
4. PREPARATION FOR SAFETY PLAN 
During this session group leaders should begin preparing for the safety plan activity that 
will take place in Session 8. This activity asks the children to formulate an individualized 
safety plan by writing down safe people and places they can go to in cases of emergency. 
The group leaders should start preparing the children to think about what safe places and 
people are present in their lives. As children think of these things, the group leader should 
record them on the spaces provided on the session cover sheet. Once the children reach 
Session 8, the group leader can refer back to his/her notes and use them to aid the child in 
the construction of the safety plan. 
5. RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE CHILDS SAFETY 
We hold the parents and other adults in the childs life to be responsible for the childs 
safety and well-being. However, under circumstances of family violence and other 
dangerous situations in which a childs safety is at risk, we want the children to know they 

- 46 - 
need to take care of themselves. Childrens ability, right, and responsibility to protect 
themselves do not replace the parents responsibility for the childs safety, but rather are a 
way of empowering children who find themselves in dangerous situations. 
6. PERSONAL AFFIRMATION 
One of the main goals of the group is to strengthen childrens self-esteem. Positive 
affirmation contributes directly to the achievement of this goal by providing children with an 
opportunity to acknowledge and share with others something positive about themselves. In 
this activity, the group stands in a circle and the children, in turn, describe a positive trait or 
something they are good at or one way in which they felt good about themselves in the past 
week. 
7. PASS THE SQUEEZE GAME 
The Pass the Squeeze game is a closure ritual that brings the group together and gives 
the children an opportunity to hear the main message of the group and to express what they 
have learned that day. The children and the group leaders stand and hold hands in a circle, 
and a message is passed from one person to the next by saying it and squeezing the hand of 
the next person in the circle. Then the squeezed person says the message and squeezes the 
hand of his or her other neighbor, and so on around the circle. 
You can suggest a message that reflects the main issue dealt with in the session. This 
activity also can be an opportunity to empower the children by letting them suggest their 
own message or by helping them construct one that is meaningful and that relates to the 
group content. It is our experience that even very young children can come up with good 
messages after a few sessions in which group leaders model the choice of a message. 
With preadolescents, this activity may raise a problem when boys and girls do not want to 
hold each others hands. We try to respect the childrens wishes and suggest that the 
uncomfortable feeling may pass after the children get to know each other better. The 
activity also can be done either without holding hands or by passing an object from one child 
to the other while saying the message. 
There is a difference between a childs ability to verbalize the groups message and his or 
her emotional internalization and acceptance of it. We found in our study that most children 
remember the main group messages, such as Its okay to talk about abuse, Abuse is not 
okay, and The violence is not my fault. However, variables such as the childrens 
personalities and developmental state, family situations, and family histories of abuse may 
influence the childrens readiness to incorporate these statements into their cognitive and 
emotional makeup. 

- 47 - 
WEEK EIGHT: PROTECTION PLANNING 
 Message 
I have the right to be safe. 
 Desired Outcomes for the Child 
1. To identify places to go and people to call in dangerous situations and cases 
of emergency. 
2. To learn how to use the telephone and what to say when calling police or another 
helper. 
3. To know that group ends the next week. 
Outline for Session Eight 
 Message: I have the right to be safe. 
 Check- in. [See Facilitator Note 1.] 
 Feeling of the day: BRAVE. [See Facilitator Note 2.] 
 Re- introduce name cards. 
 Review the safety discussion from the previous week. [See Facilitator Note 3.] 
 Work individually on Personal Protection Planning (PPP). [See Facilitator Note 
4]: Talk with each child about whom to call and where to go in dangerous 
situations or in cases of emergency. Write this information on a personal card 
(older children can write their own personal cards). [See Facilitator Note 5.] 
 Practice calling the police or another helper on the telephone. The call first is 
modeled by a group leader and then is practiced by each child. [See Facilitator 
Note 6.] 
 Draw a picture on the back of the PPP card. Optional topics: Abuse is not okay, 
I deserve to be safe. 
 Briefly discuss the coming end of the group. Make a group decision about what 
kind of snack to have for the last day. [See Facilitator Note 7.] 
 Closure: Personal affirmation. [See Facilitator Note 8.] 
 Pass the Squeeze; Optional message: I have the right to be safe. [See 
Facilitator Note 9.] 
 Snack should be included in the session. 
 A reward/reinforcement should be given to each child at the end of the session. 

- 48 - 
 Facilitator Notes and Food for Thought 
1. CHECK-IN 
The purpose of check-in is to allow children to talk about how they feel and to legitimate 
these feelings. Check- in also helps children identify and name feelings. Check- in should 
center on how the children felt during the last week and on the day of the group. 
When children identify a feeling, encourage them to say why they are feeling the way 
they do. It is important to allow each child adequate time and group attention when checking 
in. At the same time, check- in should not be extended beyond reasonable time limits or turn 
into the sessions main focus. Make exceptions when children need to share and work on 
recent traumatic events, such as an eruption of violence at home. 
Two different forms of check-in will be used to accommodate the two different age 
groups. Children ages 5-7 will use the Weather report exercise and children ages 8-10 will 
use the Direct expression of feelings and thoughts exercise. 
Direct expression of feelings and thoughts. Older children may find it easier to discuss 
highs and lows of the previous week. 
Weather report. Children choose, from a poster describing several weather conditions, the 
one that reflects their feeling (e.g., sunny, foggy, cloudy, stormy) and explain to the group 
why they feel this way. 
The check-in may be an opportunity for group leaders and children to express their 
feelings about the coming end of the group. You may want to ask the children directly how 
they feel about it or model for them by expressing your feelings about separating from them 
and from the group. Allow the children to express a range of feelings, including relief, about 
the ending of the group. 
2. FEELING OF THE DAY (BRAVE) 
Briefly present and discuss the feeling of the day: brave. After the initial presentation 
of the feeling, each child and group leader tells the group about a time in the last week when 
he or she felt this way. Sometimes it is difficult for children to remember a recent occasion; 
in that case, they can choose any relevant occasion they remember. Help the children 
understand better how they felt and what triggered the feeling and to connect the feeling 
with behavior. Can you remember a time when you felt brave? 

- 49 - 
3. SAFETY DISCUSSION 
Talk with the children about the circumstances under which they should call 911 or 
others for help. (Not every community has a 911 system. If your group is in a community 
that does not have a 911 system, teach the children the seven-digit phone number of the local 
police.) We are concerned that children may think it is their responsibility to save their 
mothers and stop violent events by calling 911. Such messages are reinforced by some films 
(e.g., Its Not Always Happy at My House and The Crown Prince) and can add to childrens 
feelings of guilt for failing to prevent or stop the violence. For this reason, it is important 
that the discussion emphasize the childrens right and responsibility to protect themselves, 
rather than others. 
Remind the children that the perpetrator is responsible for the violence and that the adults 
are responsible for stopping it. At the same time, let the children know that at times they 
may need to protect themselves from being physically hurt and then they can call 911. They 
also may choose to call 911 when they see that someone else is in danger, but it is not their 
responsibility to do so. 
Talk about these self-protection issues with the childrens parents in the parenting group 
or individually. Recommend that parents talk and decide with their children under what 
circumstances the child should call 911. 
4. PERSONAL PROTECTION PLANNING (PPP) 
Children need to be able to protect themselves from risk both inside and outside their 
homes. The aim of a personal protection plan (PPP) is to equip the children with some 
practical, realistic, and usable skills to be used in cases of emergency. This session does not 
focus on the psychological aspects of these circumstances; however, some discussion of 
potential risks in the childs life may be required if the child denies the possibility of future 
family violence and refuses to do protection planning. Although there is no need to force the 
possibility of future violence into the childs consciousness, it can be pointed out as a 
realistic possibility that requires some consideration. 
Each child needs to identify safe places to go or to hide in when he or she feels 
threatened or senses danger. Inside the home, these places could be the childs room, a 
siblings room, and the basement. Safe places outside the home could be the homes of 
neighbors, friends, or relatives. Help the child think of possible places by discussing actual 
times when he or she felt the need for a safe place. Check with the child to ensure that each 
suggested place is truly safe and that it is a realistic option. 
All children should know how to call the police in case of emergency; in most cases, 
this number is 911, but many rural areas are not connected to a 911 network yet, so the 
seven-digit phone number of the police department must be called. If possible, each child 
should have access to phone numbers of trusted relatives, friends, or neighbors who live 
nearby. 

- 50 - 
5. PERSONAL PROTECTION PLANNING CARD (SAFETY PLAN) 
The PPP card gives the child quick access to critical information in times of emergency. 
The card contains the childs first name and PPP information, consisting of a list of safe 
places and phone numbers that can be used in cases of emergency. If needed, this list can be 
qualified by time of day, type of event, or other restrictions. Write the PPP information on 
the cards for younger children and supervise the older children who can write it themselves. 
After the work on the card is completed, laminate it. Lamination can be done after this 
session and the card given to the children during the last session. Lamination is significant 
because it protects the card and makes it look official and r eal. You may want to tape a 
quarter onto each card in case the children will need to use a pay phone to call for help. The 
Personal Protection Planning Card can be found on page 52 of this manual. 
6. PRACTICE PHONE CALLS 
The purpose of this activity is to give the children an opportunity to practice calling the 
police and to coach them to do it effectively. Depending on the childrens ages, either a toy 
or a real (disconnected) phone can be used. Start by modeling a 911 (or seven-digit police 
number) call and then coach each of the children in turn. Emphasize the elements listed in 
Box 4.25 
This activity may evoke strong feelings in the children, especially for those who have 
had a previous experience with calling the police or with having the police come to their 
homes. Remind the children that this is only an exercise and help the ones who experience 
triggered emotions. 
Box 4.25: Instructions for Calling 911/Police 
 The child must speak clearly and loudly (if it is safe to do so). 
 The call should be concise but also include the reason for calling and the childs 
name, address, and phone number. (In some areas, the callers number appears 
automatically on the 911 operators screen.) 
 The children should say Please come quickly! and, if they have the time, ask 
whether more information is needed at the end of the call. 

- 51 - 
7. PREPARATION FOR LAST SESSION 
The last group session is an occasion for both the sadness of separation and feelings of 
relief and accomplishment after the hard work done in previous weeks. Acknowledge both. 
You may also want to take this opportunity to remind the children of the two booster 
sessions that will take place at one-month intervals after the close of the group. 
As part of celebrating the end of the group, you can let the children have a snack of their 
choice. You also may give them a little souvenir, an I am special badge, and a diploma 
or a certificate of completion, all of which require advance preparation. (For details, see 
the Facilitator Notes and Food for Thought section for Session Nine.) 
8. PERSONAL AFFIRMATION 
One of the main goals of the group is to strengthen childrens self-esteem. Positive 
affirmation contributes directly to the achievement of this goal by providing children with an 
opportunity to acknowledge and share with others something positive about themselves. In 
this activity, the group stands in a circle and the children, in turn, describe a positive trait or 
something they are good at or one way in which they felt good about themselves in the past 
week. 
9. PASS THE SQUEEZE GAME 
The Pass the Squeeze game is a closure ritual that brings the group together and gives 
the children an opportunity to hear the main message of the group and to express what they 
have learned that day. The children and the group leaders stand and hold hands in a circle, 
and a message is passed from one person to the next by saying it and squeezing the hand of 
the next person in the circle. Then the squeezed person says the message and squeezes the 
hand of his or her other neighbor, and so on around the circle. 
You can suggest a message that reflects the main issue dealt with in the session. This 
activity also can be an opportunity to empower the children by letting them suggest their 
own message or by helping them construct one that is meaningful and that relates to the 
group content. It is our experience that even very young children can come up with good 
messages after a few sessions in which group leaders model the choice of a message. 
With preadolescents, this activity may raise a problem when boys and girls do not want to 
hold each others hands. We try to respect the childrens wishes and suggest that the 
uncomfortable feeling may pass after the children get to know each other better. The 
activity also can be done either without holding hands or by passing an object from one child 
to the other while saying the message. 

- 52 - 
There is a difference between a childs ability to verbalize the groups message and his or 
her emotional internalization and acceptance of it. We found in our study that most children 
remember the main group messages, such as Its okay to talk about abuse, Abuse is not 
okay, and The violence is not my fault. However, variables such as the childrens 
personalities and developmental state, family situations, and family histories of abuse may 
influence the childrens readiness to incorporate these statements into their cognitive and 
emotional makeup. 

- 53 - 
NINE: REVIEW AND GOOD-BYE 
 Messages 
Its sad to say good-bye. 
You were great! You deserve the best! 
 Desired Outcomes for the Child 
1. To realize that this is the end of the group and to express some related 
emotions. 
2. To acknowledge his or her accomplishments and to feel proud of him- or 
herself. 
Outline for Session Nine 
 Messages: Its sad to say good-bye. You were great! You deserve the best! 
 Check- in. Include how the children feel about the fact that this is the last group session. 
[See Facilitator Note 1.] 
 Feeling of the day: CHOOSE YOUR OWN. [See Facilitator Note 2.] 
 Re-introduce name cards 
 Drawing: Have children draw a picture of how the y feel about the group ending. 
 Discussion: How did you feel when you first came to the group? Have these feelings 
changed over time? 
 Review and evaluate the group in an open group discussion: What did the children learn 
in the group? What did they like and not like about it? What were their favorite things in 
the group? [See Facilitator Note 4.] 
 Story: The Childrens Star. Give the children a star souvenir at the end of the story. 
[See Facilitator Note 5.] 
 Give the children a Certificate of Completion. [See Facilitator Note 6.] 
 Positive affirmation [See Facilitator Note 7.]: Say something positive to each of the 
children that can be related to the work they have done in the group. Then we recommend 
pining on each childs shirt an I am specia l! badge. [See Facilitator Note 8.] 
 Pass the Squeeze game. If possible, each child passes his or her own message around the 
circle. [See Facilitator Note 9.] Optional messages: Its sad to say good-bye. Ill miss 
you, but Ill remember you and wha t we did together. Good-bye! We were great! We 
deserve the best! 
 Snack should be included in the session. 
 A reward/reinforcement should be given to each child at the end of the session. 

- 54 - 
 Facilitator Notes and Food for Thought 
1. CHECK-IN 
The purpose of check-in is to allow children to talk about how they feel and to 
legitimate these feelings. Check- in also helps children identify and name feelings. Checkin 
should center on how the children felt during the last week and on the day of the group. 
When children identify a feeling, encourage them to say why they are feeling the way 
they do. It is important to allow each child adequate time and group attention when 
checking in. At the same time, check-in should not be extended beyond reasonable time 
limits or turn into the sessions main focus. Make exceptions when children need to share 
and work on recent traumatic events, such as an eruption of violence at home. 
Two different forms of check-in will be used to accommodate the two different age 
groups. Children ages 5-7 will use the Weather report exercise and children ages 8-10 will 
use the Direct expression of feelings and thoughts exercise. 
Direct expression of feelings and thoughts. Older children may find it easier to discuss 
highs and lows of the previous week. 
Weather report. Children choose, from a poster describing several weather conditions, the 
one that reflects their feeling (e.g., sunny, foggy, cloudy, stormy) and explain to the group 
why they feel this way. 
The check-in may be an opportunity for group leaders and children to express their 
feelings about this being the last session of the group. You may want to ask the children 
directly how they feel about it or model for them by expressing your feelings about 
separating from them and from the group. Allow the children to express a range of 
feelings, including relief, about the ending of the group. 
2. FEELING OF THE DAY (CHOOSE YOUR OWN) 
Remind the children of all the feelings that have been discussed in the group. Then ask 
each child to choose a feeling and then describe a time when they experienced that feeling. 
3. THE CHILDRENS ACCOMPLISHMENTS IN THE GROUP 
Many of the childrens accomplishments are intangible. Furthermore, each child, 
depending on individual characteristics and history, will have a different list of 
accomplishments. The children may need your help in identifying their achievements in 
the group. Commend the children for being brave enough to participate in the group and to 
deal with painful issues, for being good listeners and friends to other group members, for 
learning new ideas, and for expressing uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. 

- 55 - 
4. REVIEW AND EVALUATION OF THE GROUP 
The purpose of this activity is to allow the children to express their opinions and 
feelings about the group and to give group leaders a sense of what the children learned in 
the group. This is not a formal evaluation of the program; rather, it is an opportunity to 
empower the children by giving them the message that their opinions and ideas are valid, 
important, and useful. With older children, you may want to do part of the evaluation in 
writing to allow children to give anonymous feedback. 
5. THE STORY THE CHILDRENS STAR (original idea by Jim Brink) 
Once upon a time in a faraway and mountainous country lived many children. Each 
child lived in a ho use with his or her family. Because the land was so very steep, it was 
dangerous for the children to wander or play too far from their homes. For children who 
had brothers or sisters, it wasnt so bad. But even so, none of the children ever had a 
chance to play with children in other houses in this mountainous area. It was very lonely, 
and sometimes the children didnt get along with their brothers or sisters so they got into 
fights. Many of these children also had moms and dads who would get angry with each 
other. Some children even saw their mom being hit by her partner or by their other parent. 
It was scary and sad. 
One night a beautiful colored light appeared in the windows of all the houses of all the 
families in the mountains. The children were awakened by this wonderful light. They got 
out of bed and were very surprised to find that none of their moms and dads were 
awakened by this light. So the children went outside to see the beautiful light. It was so 
strong that some children could see other houses and even some of the other children. 
Forgetting that it was night and how they all had been told never to wander away, the 
children started walking toward the light. 
Now the shimmering light was really a star that had come very close to the mountains, 
over a valley. Children came from all over the mountains to the valley, drawn and guided 
by the light. They all played and danced and sang. Each one felt very happy and safe and, 
most important, not alone. Then, as day began to dawn, the children started back for home. 
As they were leaving, the star burst into a thousand million little pieces. Each of the 
children took a piece of the star as they headed home in the early light of dawn. 
Each child quietly went back to bed. Some of the children woke up in the morning and 
thought they had dreamed about playing with the other children under the beautiful light of 
the star. But then, they all found the pieces of the star they had taken with them and knew 
that this wasnt a dream and that they werent alone anymore. And every time they looked 
at the star pieces, they remembered being together with the other children and how happy 
that was. 

- 56 - 
6. CERTIFICATE OF COMPLETION (COC) 
Multipurpose program certificates of completion (COCs) can be bought in paperproducts 
stores. You also could make a unique COC for your group, either on a computer 
or by hand. Each COC should include the programs name, the childs name, the date, and 
the signatures of the group leaders. Another option is to include the number of sessions the 
child participated in. This can be especially useful if a child has missed many sessions and 
needs to go through the group again. It is our experience that older children like formallooking 
COCs, while younger children relate better to decorative and colorful COCs. 
Certificate of 
COMPLETION 
This award recognizes and 
commends 
for outstanding performance 
in completing 
this_______day of ________, 2001 

- 57 - 
7. POSITIVE AFFIRMATION 
After affirming themselves in previous group sessions, in the last session the children can 
give positive affirmations to each other. Being explicitly valued by their friends is a 
powerful contribution to childrens self-esteem. Use this option with older children and 
only in groups in which there is minimal risk of the children not finding anything positive to 
say about their friends. 
It is usually safer to ask each child to say something good about one other child  for 
example, the next child in the circle. Tactfully help a child who cannot find any positive 
affirmation to say regarding the other childs good qualities or talents. Never leave a child 
unaffirmed. Box 4.27 contains an example. 
8. I AM SPECIAL! BADGE 
The badge can be made in several ways. We use shiny golden cardboard stars sold as 
Christmas decorations, attach a safety pin to the back of the star, and write I am special 
because! on the front. Children can fill in the blank on the badge by deciding why they 
are special. 
9. PASS THE SQUEEZE 
You may need to help the children put together their messages. Tactfully censor 
messages that conflict with the spirit of the group. For example, we asked a 10- year-old boy 
who suggested the message We hate girls! to find another, more positive and inclusive one. 
Box 4.27: An Example of Positive Affirmation Exercise 
Group Leader Rachel, what good things can you say about Sharon? 
Rachel I like her shoes. 
Group Leader Yes, Sharons shoes are very nice. Can you think about other things, 
things she is good at, nice qualities she has? 
Rachel Well, I dont really know things like that about her. We only know each other 
here. 
Group Leader thats right, but here in the group we got to know several good things 
about Sharon. Its enough to look at the walls 
Mike Shes good at painting! 
Rachel Oh, yeah! She is a real good artist, the way she draws all these animals. 
Group Leader Now, can you say that to Sharon? 
Rachel (turns to Sharon) You are a very good artist. Maybe the second best in the 
group. 

- 58 - 
BOOSTER SESSION ONE: 
REVIEW OF ABUSE AND VIOLENCE ARE NOT OKAY 
FROM SESSION 2 
q Message 
Abuse and violence are not okay. 
q Desired Outcomes 
1. To review Session 2 message Abuse and violence are not okay. 
2. To review that abuse is not okay under any circumstances. 
q Facilitator Notes 
1. CHECK-IN 
The purpose of check-in is to allow children to talk about how they feel and to 
legitimate these feelings. Check- in also helps children identify and name feelings. Checkin 
should center on how the children felt during the last week and on the day of the group. 
When children identify a feeling, encourage them to say why they are feeling the way 
they do. It is important to allow each child adequate time and group attention when 
checking in. At the same time, check-in should not be extended beyond reasonable time 
Outline for Booster Session One 
 Message: Abuse and violence are not okay. 
 Childrens favorite pictures/collages from the group should be hung in the room 
before they enter. 
 Check- in. [See Facilitator Note 1.] 
 Feeling of the day: Choose your own [See Facilitator Note 2.] 
 Re- introduce name cards. 
 Review of Abuse and violence are not okay. [See Facilitator Note 3.] 
 Review What Hands Can Do drawing. 
 Group Activity: Abuse is not okay poster. [See Facilitator Note 4.] 
 Personal Affirmation. [See Facilitator Note 5.] 
 Pass the Squeeze game. [See Facilitator Note 6.] 
 Snack should be included in the session. 
 A reward/reinforcement should be given to each child at the end of the session. 

- 59 - 
limits or turn into the sessions main focus. Make exceptions when children need to share 
and work on recent traumatic events, such as an eruption of violence at home. 
Two different forms of check-in will be used to accommodate the two different age 
groups. Children ages 5-7 will use the Weather report exercise and children ages 8-10 will 
use the Direct expression of feelings and thoughts exercise. 
Direct expression of feelings and thoughts. Older children may find it easier to discuss 
highs and lows of the previous week. 
Weather report. Children choose, from a poster describing several weather conditions, the 
one that reflects their feeling (e.g., sunny, foggy, cloudy, stormy) and explain to the group 
why they feel this way. 
The check-in may be an opportunity for group leaders and children to express their 
feelings about the coming end of the group. You may want to ask the children directly 
how they feel about it or model for them by expressing your feelings about separating from 
them and from the group. Allow the children to express a range of feelings, including 
relief, about the ending of the group. 
2. FEELING OF THE DAY (CHOOSE YOUR OWN) 
Remind the children of all the feelings that have been discussed in the group. Then ask 
each child to choose a feeling and then describe a time when they experienced that feeling. 
3. DEFINING ABUSE 
People in all age groups tend to define a behavior by giving examples of it. We suggest 
that you include in the discussion of the different kinds of abuse  physical, sexual, and 
emotional  a general definition of abuse. Abuse can be defined as any behavior that 
physically or emotionally hurts another person and that is not an accident. Also discuss 
feelings that result from being abused and from abusing, such as fear, guilt, and feeling bad 
about oneself. Be sure to use age appropriate language in your discussions. 
Emotional abuse is often more subtle than physical abuse and harder to identify. It is 
also a form of abuse that often is normalized and minimized. A definition of emotional 
abuse that can be used with children is when one person makes another person feel really 
bad about him- or herself, and not by accident. Help children understand emotional abuse 
by giving them examples they can relate to, such as bullying behavior in school or 
putdowns by siblings. Then discuss how similar behaviors can occur between adults. The 
term emotional abuse can be replaced with feeling abuse for younger children. 

- 60 - 
4. GROUP ACTIVITY ABUSE IS NOT OKAY POSTER 
Draw a no entrance traffic sign on a poster board. Have each child draw a picture of 
abuse using crayons and markers and then cut it out. Use the pictures to make a collage on 
the sign. The entire group can work on the project together and the finished poster can be 
hung in the group room for Booster Session 2. 
5. PERSONAL AFFIRMATION 
One of the main goals of the group is to strengthen childrens self-esteem. Positive 
affirmation contributes directly to the achievement of this goal by providing children with an 
opportunity to acknowledge and share with others something positive about themselves. In 
this activity, the group stands in a circle and the children, in turn, describe a positive trait or 
something they are good at or one way in which they felt good about themselves in the past 
week. 

- 61 - 
6. PASS THE SQUEEZE GAME 
The Pass the Squeeze game is a closure ritual that brings the group together and gives 
the children an opportunity to hear the main message of the group and to express what they 
have learned that day. The children and the group leaders stand and hold hands in a circle, 
and a message is passed from one person to the next by saying it and squeezing the hand of 
the next person in the circle. Then the squeezed person says the message and squeezes the 
hand of his or her other neighbor, and so on around the circle. 
You can suggest a message that reflects the main issue dealt with in the session. This 
activity also can be an opportunity to empower the children by letting them suggest their 
own message or by helping them construct one that is meaningful and that relates to the 
group content. It is our experience that even very young children can come up with good 
messages after a few sessions in which group leaders model the choice of a message. 
With preadolescents, this activity may raise a problem when boys and girls do not want 
to hold each others hands. We try to respect the childrens wishes and suggest that the 
uncomfortable feeling may pass after the children get to know each other better. The 
activity also can be done either without holding hands or by passing an object from one child 
to the other while saying the message. 
There is a difference between a childs ability to verbalize the groups message and his or 
her emotional internalization and acceptance of it. We found in our study that most children 
remember the main group messages, such as Its okay to talk about abuse, Abuse is not 
okay, and The violence is not my fault. However, variables such as the childrens 
personalities and developmental state, family situations, and family histories of abuse may 
influence the childrens readiness to incorporate these statements into their cognitive and 
emotional makeup. 

- 62 - 
BOOSTER SESSION TWO: 
REVIEW OF SAFETY PROTECTION PLAN 
FROM SESSION 8 
q Messages 
I have the right to be safe. 
We can hold things together, even when we are shaky. 
q Desired Outcomes for the Child 
1. Review of places to go and people to call in dangerous situations and cases of 
emergency. 
2. To realize that this is the last session the group will be together. 
Outline for Booster Session Two 
 Message: I have the right to be safe. We can hold things together, even when 
we are shaky. 
 Childrens favorite pictures/collages from the group should be hung in the room 
before they enter. 
 Check- in. Include how the children feel about the fact that this is the last group 
session. [See Facilitator Note 1.] 
 Feeling of the day: Choose your own 
 Re-introduce name cards 
 Safety Protection should be reintroduced and reinforced 
 Each child should make another safety plan. 
 Discussion about the end of the group and affirmation and praise for all the work the 
children have done. 
 Crumpled Paper Exercise. [See Facilitator Note 2.] 
 Group photo of childrens hands holding together crumpled paper to be distributed to 
children to take home. [See Facilitator Note 3.] 
 Personal Affirmation [See facilitator Note 4.] 
 Pass the Squeeze game. If possible, each child passes his or her own message 
around the circle. [See Facilitator Note 5.] Optional messages: Its sad to say goodbye. 
Ill miss you, but Ill remember you and what we did together. Good-bye! 
We were great! We deserve the best! 
 Snack should be included in the session. 
 A reward/reinforcement should be given to each child at the end of the session. 

- 63 - 
q Facilitator Notes and Food for Thought 
1. CHECK-IN 
The purpose of check-in is to allow children to talk about how the y feel and to legitimate 
these feelings. Check- in also helps children identify and name feelings. Check- in should 
center on how the children felt during the last week and on the day of the group. 
When children identify a feeling, encourage them to say why they are feeling the way 
they do. It is important to allow each child adequate time and group attention when checking 
in. At the same time, check- in should not be extended beyond reasonable time limits or turn 
into the sessions main focus. Make exceptions when children need to share and work on 
recent traumatic events, such as an eruption of violence at home. 
Two different forms of check-in will be used to accommodate the two different age 
groups. Children ages 5-7 will use the Weather report exercise and children ages 8-10 will 
use the Direct expression of feelings and thoughts exercise. 
Direct expression of feelings and thoughts. Older children may find it easier to discuss 
highs and lows of the previous week. 
Weather report. Children choose, from a poster describing several weather conditions, the 
one that reflects their feeling (e.g., sunny, foggy, cloudy, stormy) and explain to the group 
why they feel this way. 
The check-in may be an opportunity for group leaders and children to express their 
feelings about the coming end of the group. You may want to ask the children directly how 
they feel about it or model for them by expressing your feelings about separating from them 
and from the group. Allow the children to express a range of feelings, including relief, about 
the ending of the group. 
2. CRUMPLED PAPER EXERCISE 
Have children build a hill by crumpling up pieces of paper. Have them hold it together 
with their hands despite its shakiness. Emphasize to the children that We can hold things 
together, even when we are shaky. 
3. PICTURE OF CHILDRENS HANDS HOLDING CRUMPLED PAPER 
Take a picture using a Polaroid camera that be given to each child to remember the group. 
Be sure to only include the childrens hands in the photo to ensure confidentiality. 

- 64 - 
4. PERSONAL AFFIRMATION 
One of the main goals of the group is to strengthen childrens self-esteem. Positive 
affirmation contributes directly to the achievement of this goal by providing children with 
an opportunity to acknowledge and share with others something positive about themselves. 
In this activity, the group stands in a circle and the children, in turn, describe a positive trait 
or something they are good at or one way in which they felt good about themselves in the 
past week. 
5. PASS THE SQUEEZE GAME 
The Pass the Squeeze game is a closure ritual that brings the group together and gives 
the children an opportunity to hear the main message of the group and to express what they 
have learned that day. The children and the group leaders stand and hold hands in a circle, 
and a message is passed from one person to the next by saying it and squeezing the hand of 
the next person in the circle. Then the squeezed person says the message and squeezes 
the hand of his or her other neighbor, and so on around the circle. 
You can suggest a message that reflects the main issue dealt with in the session. This 
activity also can be an opportunity to empower the children by letting them suggest their 
own message or by helping them construct one that is meaningful and that relates to the 
group content. It is our experience that even very young children can come up with good 
messages after a few sessions in which group leaders model the choice of a message. 
With preadolescents, this activity may raise a problem when boys and girls do not want 
to hold each others hands. We try to respect the childrens wishes and suggest that the 
uncomfortable feeling may pass after the children get to know each other better. The 
activity also can be done either without holding hands or by passing an object from one 
child to the other while saying the message. 
There is a difference between a childs ability to verbalize the groups message and his or 
her emotional internalization and acceptance of it. We found in our study that most 
children remember the main group messages, such as Its okay to talk about abuse, 
Abuse is not okay, and The violence is not my fault. However, variables such as the 
childrens personalities and developmental state, family situations, and family histories of 
abuse may influence the childrens readiness to incorporate these statements into their 
cognitive and emotional makeup.