40
MRS.   FIZZLEBURY'S   NEW   GIu.

it was not; a little, fluffy affair; nothing to speak
of in society, though probably what is vulgarly
called a "big thing" in the Custom House.)
"You will have that taken off, Parkin; it doesn't
amount to any thing. And, after all, it will only
be a masquerade of an hour at the utmost. There
is nothing in it. I would do it myself if I were
not known to Mr. Fizzlebury, and"
In short, we overruled Parkin's objections by
loud talking, and, refusing to listen to his excuses,
we expatiated largely on the proof which he was
about to render of his friendly devotion to Pott-
hausen, whieh we greatly applauded. I shaved
him carefully, if not so closely as an expert might
have done, after whieh solemn per'ormance we
dined sumptuously, at Pott's expense and in his
apartment The hired eoslume arrived at half-
past four, and by five o'clock we had Parkin ele-
gantly rigged out in servant's costume, with a red
wig and an old bonnet on him; making up for
him the indispensable " bundle," composed of bis
waistcoat and trousers, enveloped in two copies of
the New York Herald, after transferring his
watch and money to the pockets of the cotton
gown now upon his person.
Pott and I then did our best to put Parkin
through his paces, which were much too ener-
getic for his costume, and to drill him in the tac-
tics becoming his assumed position. Our greatest
difficulty was in the proper toning down of his
voice to the feminine key. He invariably began
very well, in a fine falsetto, the sentences pre-
scribed for repetition in our improvised rehearsal;
but before he finished a phrase his voice would
lapse again into the hoarse gruffness of a Custom
House official replying to troublesome inquiries
from a member of the stupid, importunate public.
However, we had him drilled and fairly ready
for our enterprise by about half-past four o'clock,
at which hour we endeavored to start him on his
friendly mission. But all our persuasion failed to
prevail on Parkin to go out into the street, appar-
eled as he was, before dark. He did not care, he
said, whether the place was filled or not before he
arrived at Mrs. Fizzlebury's house. "I am mak-
ing an awful fool of myself," said Parkin, "and
for no other man than Pott would I have consent-
ed to sacrifice my mustache, which I have been
so long and so carefully rearing. But, if I go any
farther in this most foolish and ridiculous affair,
I must be permitted to have my own way in it;
and my own way most decidedly is, not for any
consideration that can be named, to appear in the
street with this absurd costume on, before it is
quite dark. If the situation be already taken by
some other girl"
Up to this point we had fairly kept our counte-
nances; but when Parkin so far merged his own
identity into that of his costume as to speak of
another girl as his alternative, Pott and I could
not contain ourselves any longer, but broke into
uncontrollable laughter.
Parkin ground his teeth, and continued his re-
marks with a determination of manner worthy of
a Collector of Customs. "I say again, if the situ-
ation be already filled, I shall not be sorryin-
deed, I shall be very gladfor you fellows are
taking advantage of my good nature and my un-
fortunate inability to say ' no,' even when I posi-
tively ought to say 'no' to my best friend, to
make a perfect fool of me; a doltan assthat's
what I am!"
We did all we could to console Parkin with the
reflection that his masquerade and the duty which
he had so nobly undertaken would not occupy
more than an hour. But Parkin was deaf to our
remarks, and almost burst into tears when, in his
angry strides, he chanced to pass the looking glass.
However, as there was nothing to do but to
wait, we waited until it was quite dark, and then
Parkin consented to go out. And such, indeed,
was our own want of sagacity, that, unmindful of
appearances, and unable to dissociate in our minds
the absurd figure before us from our friend, Fred
Parkin, we actually sallied forth to accompany him
to the near neighborhood of Mrs. Fizzlebury's
residence. We sorely repented this lack of dis-
cretion when we met on our way three several
parties of ladies, and gentlemen at whose houses
we visited, and who frowned ominously as they
btheld Pott and me walking at either side of a
gigantic servant-girl, whose newspaper bundle I
was actually carrying for her.
To confess the truth, we were both heartily
ashamed of the company of our poor victim be-
fore we had gone a hundred yards with him, and
were very glad indeed when, arriving at the cor-
ner which had been agreed upon as our stopping-
place, we bade him God-speed and left him to per-
form the rest of his mission unaided and alone.
There were tears in Pott's honest eyes at this
proof of Parkin's devotional sacrifice on the altar
 of friendship, as he remarked while watching the
new girl's monstrous strides down the street,
" He's a good fellow, now, and I'm sure it's most
kind of her, and I shall never forget his friend-
ship. But, as you say, it will be only half an hour's
inconvenience for him, and when she comes back
we'll drink a bottle of champagne with him, and
I declare I don't know of any thing that she might
ask me to do that I wouldn't readily do for him."
Chapteb VI.The New Girl, Pabkin.
Parkin stopped at the bar at the corner and for-
tified himself with a glass of something hot and
strong, to the amazement and amid the winks of
the persons in attendance; and then, resolutely
determining that, if the ingenuity of man could
compass this end, he would have speech with Miss
Arabella before he had been ten minutes in the
house, he strode to his destination, and rang the
bell with a feeling of desperate courage. Mrs.
Fizzlebury, in person, opened the door, and Parkin
was admitted.
By Mrs. Fizzlebury the appearance of Parkin
(the New Girl) was accepted as a mark of the
great bounty of Providence in her utmost need.
The proprietor of the Intelligence Office had prom-
ised that a servant should be sent to her at four
o'clock that afternoon. But the hour had passed,
and so also had the girl; who, having heard, be
fore she left the office, of the detes'able character
of the house, had declined to become an inmate
thereof. Mrs. Fizzlebury, was, therefore, suffer-
ing much distress of mind, and had willingly con-
sented that Miss Arabella should go and dine at her
aunt Keduser's, since it would be impossible, with-
out a housemaid, to have a comfortable dinner at
home.
It must be added that Miss Arabella bad her pri-
vate reasons for wishing to be frequently at her
aunt Keduser's; because that lady lived opposite
to the residence of Arabella's most intimate friend
and confidant, Miss Wobbleham, who received and
delivered, in secret and totally without the knowl-
edge of their parents, certain notes wliich fre-
quently passed between the Count de Couac, who
was Miss Wobbleham's singing-master, and Miss
Arabella.   But of this, more by-and by.
Great had been Mrs. Fizzlebury's distress that
afternoon, and correspondingly great was her joy
on beholding Parkin, though, if the truth must be
told, he was any thing but an agreeable girl to
look upon.
"Come income in!" said Mrs.Fizzlebury, with
much affability. "Mr. Jackson at the Intelligence
Office promised that you would be here at four
o'clock, and it is now past seven. I began to think
that you were not coming!"
Parkin felt that a resort to all of poetic imagina-
tion that he could command must be at once
made.
" I went up to Harlem, ma'am, to tell my sister
that I had got a place," said Parkin, as he followed
Mrs. Fizzlebury into the parlor, and, after the man-
ner of servant-girls in our day, seated himself in
front of Mrs. Fizzlebury, who was standing.
" You seem to have a severe cold," remarked
Mrs. Fizzlebury; "you appear to be very hoarse!"
"A very bad cold, indade, ma'am," said Parkin,
wincing with the fear that his masculine voice
might spoil every thing; "a very bad cold, ma'am.
1 caught it washin' ihe windys with hot water one
very cold day, and the byes in the street was very
rude, indeed, ma'am "
" Well, never mind about that," interrupted Mrs.
Fizzlebury.    " What is your name? "
"Mary, ma'am," said Parkin.
"Mary what?" inquired the lady.
" No, ma'am, av you plase, but Mary Murphy,
ma'am."
" Ah, Mary Murphy! " repeated Mrs. Fizzlebury.
" Have you a recommendation, Mary?"
"I have, ma'am," replied Parkin, finding, with
much difficulty, the pocket of the strange garment
then on his person, and into whieh he had stowed
his money and his papers.
Hastily selecting the document which looked
like the character which I had that morning
written for him, he handed it, with a show of
much confidence and integrity, to Mrs. Fizzlebury.
That lady adjusted her spectacles, opened the
paper, frowned, and looked, as one puzzled, to-
ward Parkin.
" One pair! " said Mrs. Fizzlebury, reading; " one
pair pantaloons, fifteen dollars!   One pair "
Parkin almost snatched the paper from her, so
eager was he to secure it, and exclaimed:
"That's not the paper, ma'am; that's a bill be-
longing tomy brother, ma'am. Here is my char-
acter, ma'am!"
And Parkin really trembled when he handed the
recommendation to his new mistress.
It was, indeed, as I, its author, flatter myself, a
most powerful document, and showed forth Par-
kin in a li rht of which he, or any other Custom
House clerk, under similar circumstances, might
well have been proud.   It ran as follows:
I take pleasure In certifying that the bearer is an ex-
cellent girl, of strictly moralcharacter, high principle
and surprisingly moderate appetite. She is honest to 
fault, and most civil and obliging to her employers She
has lived in my family eleven years, and leaves us to
our very sincere regret, because of our intended de-
parture for Europe next week.              Mrs. Smith
28 Plymouth Rock Avenue, Brooklyn.
As a rule, it is safe for a girl, without a recom-
mendation, to have one manufactured as dating
from Brooklyn. It is a long way off for a lady
who lives in the upper part of New York, and
who, happening to be badly in want of a servant,
will probably say, "Well, you can come, and the
day after to-morrow I will go over to Brooklyn
and see the lady, and, if I find that she confirms
this, it will be all right; " and so, if tbe girl suits
for a day or two, the proposed visit to Brooklyn is
put off from day to day, and the lady never troub-
les herself to go thither. It may happen that, one
fine morning, the new girl robs the house and de-
camps, whereupon the lady declares that she nev-
er again will engage a servant on a written rec-
ommendationa determination to which she rig.
idly adheres until the next time, when her indo-
lence and a pressing necessity may induce her to
forget or waive her resolution.
"This recommendation," said Mrs.Fizzlebury,
to Parkin, " is quite satisfactory, and, in a day or
two, I will go over to Brooklyn and see Mrs. Smith.
Are you an early riser, Mary?"
" Five in the Summer, and six in the Winter.
ma'am," said Parkin.
" That will do very well," remarked Mrs. Fizzle-
bury, blandlv. She was always honey to an incom.
ing girl, and vinegar to an outgoing one.
" Can you remain to-night? "
"Oh, yes, ma'am, certainly," responded Parkin,
rather more eagerly than was quite prudent. <
" Your duties here," observed the wily lady, in
the most cordial tone she could assume, "will not
be very severe. You will, the first thing in the
morning, sweep out the parlor and the dining-
room after dusting the furniture. You will then
set the breakfast-table, and give Mr. Fizzlebury his
breakfast. In the course of the morning you will
attend to the bedrooms and make the beds (Par-
kin winced at this announcement of whatex-
pressed and understoodwould be expected of
him); but before doing so, and as Miss Arabella
and myself always breakfast in bed, you will
bring mine and Miss Arabella's up to our bed-
rooms. (Parkin shuddered and half rose from the
chair with an idea of making his escape, lest he
might hear something still more revolting in the
catalogue of his duties). You will then wash np
Uie breakfast things, clean the knives, and assist
Cook in the laundry-work. Are you a good wash-
er and ironer, Mary?"
Parkin groaned in spirit at this new horror, but
he had sufficient presence of mind to answer, "II-
ligant, ma'am."
"You will also go to market," continued Mrs.
Fizzlebury, " do what mending of the clothes may
be required, set lunch, perform such errands as
may be needed, black Mr. Fiszlebury'g boots (Par-
kin could scarcely sustain this last shock, and was
on the point of saying that he would see Mr. Fiz-
zlebury something first; but he restrained himself,
and Mrs. Fizzlebury continued): " You will wait
at table at dinner and tea, take the plate up to my
bedroom on your way up to bed; and, by the way,
can you make pastry, Mary?"
"Splindid, ma'am," said Parkin.
" Very good, indeed," remarked Mrs. Fizzlebury,
who flattered herself that she now had the very
pearl of housemaids. " Very good, indeed. And
your wages? "
"Twelvo dollars a month, ma'am," answered
Parkin, promptly.
"Oh, dear!" cried Mrs. Fizzlebury, "I never pay
more than ten."
"I'm speakin' in currency, ma'am," observed
Parkin.
"So am I, Mary," responded Mrs. Fizzlebury.
"Well, ma'am," said Parkin, anxious to have
these preliminaries over, in order that he might
the more speedily obtain speech of Miss Arabella,
" well, ma'am, seem' it's you ma'am, I'm willin*
to say tin dollars to begin; thin if I shute you,
ma'am, you'll make it twelve; " which was readi-
ly agreed to by Mrs. Fizzlebury as a condition
which hound her specially to nothing, and be-
cause she made it a point always to agree to any
thing and every thing when a new girl was to be
employed.
Parkin then, according to the plan which had
been agreed on between us as necessary thor-
oughly to blind his new mistress, began to play
his part in the putting of questions.
" How many girls do you keep, ma'am?"
" Two," answered Mrs. Fizzlebury; "a cook and
a housemaid."
"I'm afraid that wouldn't shute me, ma'am,"
said Parkin. "In my last place, at Mrs. Smith's,
in Brooklyn, there were four girls, besides tbe
coachman and the gardener, a small boy nd a
dawg, ma'am."
This answer immediately impressed Mrs. Fizzle-
bury with the idea that the imaginary personage
whom Parkin called Mrs. Smith, but who was only
a sort of Long Island Mrs. Harris, must be a high-
ly respectaole person whose acquaintance it would
be very desirable to cultivate. She certainly would
call on Mrs. Smith.
"Well," said the sly old lady, who was extreme-
ly anxious not to say any thing likely to disgust
the new girl. " we have for some time had an idea
of keeping three girls, and I think we shall short-
ly do so."
"How about the table, ma'am?" inquired Par-
kin. " What sort of a table do you keep, ma'am?
because I never could eat cowld meat, and
wouldn't like to be asked to do it; and you know
yourself, ma'am, that any lady as is a lady would
not by no means ask a girl to eat cowld meat"
Mrs. Fizzlebury promptly declared that she rare-
ly, if ever, required her girls to eat cold meat.
(She did not; it was not every day that they had
meat, warm or cold).
" You allow two aivnings out a week, I suppose,
ma'am; as other ladies does?"
" We always allow one evening in the week,"
said Mrs. Fizzlebury. (This was partially true.
One evening was always stipulated; but when it
was claimed, Mrs. Fizzlebury invariably adduced
the fact of the other girl's having gone away that
day as a reason why the privilege must he with-
held).