# Presentation: 326501

## Bereavement, Loss and School MemorialsMarleen Wong, Ph.D.Director, Crisis Counseling and Intervention Services Los Angeles Unified School DistrictU.S. Department of EducationOffice of Safe and Drug-Free Schools

## Loss is Common in the Lives of Children

- 2/3 of children prior to 10 experience death of grandparent, parent, sibling or friend
- 5% of children experience death of parent by 16
- It is highly likely you see a grieving child almost every day, even if you don't see any children grieving
-  **Dr. David Schonfeld, Executive Director**
**    ****National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement**

## In 2 Public High Schools - A Survey by Ewalt & Perkins* 

- 90% experienced death of grandparent, aunt, uncle, sibling, or someone else they cared about
- 40% experienced death of close friend their own age
- 20% witnessed a death

- *Ewalt, P. L., & Perkins, L. (1979). The real experience of death among adolescents: An empirical study. _Social Casework, 60, _547-551.

## 9/11 and Previous Loss

- Of the students in New York City Public Schools:
- 64% were exposed to traumatic events _*prior*_* *to 9/11/01
- 39% saw someone killed or seriously injured
- 29% experienced violent/accidental death of close friend
- 27% experienced violent/accidental death of family member

## How Does Trauma and Grief Impact Learning?

- Decreases IQ and reading ability (Delaney-Black et al., 2003)
- Lowers grade-point average (Hurt et al., 2001)
- Increases school absence (Hurt et al., 2001)
- Decreases rates of high school graduation  (Grogger, 1997)
- Results in higher rates of expulsions and suspensions (LAUSD Survey)

## First and Most Important 

**Every Adult On Campus **
**   ****Plays an Important Role**

## The Role of Caring Adults

- Listen
- Protect
- Connect
- Model
- Teach

## Listen

- Encourage children to share experiences and express feelings of fear or concern
- Be willing to listen and respond to verbal and nonverbal cues
- Give children extra reassurance, support, and encouragement

## Protect

- Maintain structure, stability, and predictability. Having predictable routines, clear expectations, consistent rules, and immediate feedback
- Keep your ears open and eyes watchful for bullying.  Try to keep  environment free of anything that could re-traumatize the child
- Validate the student's life experience

## Connect

- Check in with them on a regular basis
- Encourage interaction, activities, team project  with friends and teachers
- Refer/take students to meet school counselors
- Keep track of and comment on what's going on in their lives
- Share positive feedback from parents, teachers and other adults

## Model Calm Behavior

- Maintain level emotions and reactions with students
- Stay in the middle - no highs or lows - to help them achieve balance

## Teach About Normal Symptoms and How to Cope

- Acknowledge the normal changes that can occur in people who grieve
- 	Physical Changes
- 	Emotional Changes
- 	Cognitive Changes
- 	Changes in Spiritual Beliefs
- Help students to problem solve
- How can the student go to school everyday?
- How can the student stay in school everyday?
- How can the student do well in school?

## Evaluating Your Efforts

- Desirable Outcomes
- Returns to daily attendance
- Resumes teacher and peer relationships
- Maintains academic achievement
- Look at grades and standardized test
- Undesirable Outcomes
- Increases in office referrals
- Increases in expulsions/suspensions/risk taking behaviors
- Increases in school dropout

## Extra Understanding and Patience

- BUT...Educators and school staff should maintain their expectations for behavior and performance and should not be afraid of using discipline. At the same time, however, they should be prepared to provide extra support and encouragement.

## Memorials and Anniversary Events*

- Every school has experienced the loss of a student, teacher, administrator, support staff
- Families, friends and peers will want to know if there will be a memorial or a memorial service at school
- There are no hard and fast rules but there are serious questions/considerations
- *From Jane's School Safety Handbook

## Policy Issues

- Does the school/district have a policy that is equitable, i.e., applicable to all students and staff, not just the popular ones?
- Should a memorial be held or created for every member of the school community who dies during a school year?

## Operational Issues

- What kind of memorial should the school allow
- A building?
- A bench?
- Trees or plants?
- Library Books?
- Where should the memorial be located?...
- At the school?
- In the community?
- What about "spontaneous memorials"?
- Should the school keep them up? For how long?

## Special Considerations

- What is the role of family or friends in making decisions?
- Should completed suicides have the same degree of acknowledgement?

## Guiding Principles for Memorials*

- A memorial should not overshadow or interfere with the school's primary mission of educating students
- A memorial should add to a positive learning environment and add to the mission of  educating students
- A memorial should be life affirming, inspiring and spiritually uplifting
- The school belongs to the students of the future - not only to the students of the past and the present
- *From Jane's School Safety Handbook

## Commemoration of Large Scale Events 

- Honor and preserve the memory of what is important that has been lost
- Remember the tragedy, danger, and loss after the hurricane/flood or 911, and
- Help children identify and share those things that they lost so that we can preserve the memories
- Restore what is most important, whenever possible
- Think about what we each can do, in our own way, to make things better

## Commemorations of Large Scale Events, cont.

- Children and adults may have very different needs
- A commemorative event planned by adults for children is more likely to be helpful to adults
- Simple and symbolic acts are often more meaningful and helpful than formal commemorative events
- Commemorative events give children opportunity to:
- Express and cope with difficult feelings,
- Realize they are not alone in having fears/concerns
- Draw on support of a caring school community

## Bereavement and Memorials

- Anyone that interacts with children can be a potential source of assistance and support
- If intrusive or unprepared, they can also be a source of further distress

## For Additional Information

**National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement**
- Dr. David Schonfeld, Director
- Tel: 513-636-3174
- E-mail: david.schonfeld@cchmc.org
**Los Angeles Unified School District**
- Marleen Wong, Ph.D.Director, Crisis Counseling and Intervention Services Los Angeles Unified School District333 S. Beaudry, 20th FloorLos Angeles, CA. 90017Tel: 213-241-2174 E-mail: marleen.wong@lausd.net

**Notes:**
In times of peace or in times of terror, our work with children is at its roots the same.  We strive to help them to develop

**Notes:**
Hope and trust

## Slide 26

**Notes:**
And strength in a world of adversity and joy

## To the world, you may be just one person,

- ...But to one person,
-           you just may be the world

## THANK YOU FOR YOUR  WORK IN OUR SCHOOLS AND FOR BEING HERE TODAY

## Questions?