# Presentation: 013089

## Domestic Violence	

- Understanding

## In order to respond to domestic violence effectively we need to have an understanding of ...

- Defining Domestic Violence (1)
- Facts and Fiction(2)
- Perpetrators and victims (3)
- Forms of abuse (4)
- Why does she stay(5)
- Impacts (6)

## Domestic Violence... 

- Is a Systematic Pattern of Intentional Intimidation Through the Use of Threats and Violence for the Purpose of Gaining _**Power and Control**_ Over One’s Partner in a ***intimate relationship***

- (1)

## Domestic violence occurs

- in **every** race, religion, ethnic group and social class.
- in **both** heterosexual and homosexual relationships.
- male to female and female to male.
***Note: 95% of Domestic Violence Cases are women, so throughout presentation will use “she” to refer to the victim ***

## Violence in the home is not...

- due to “a bad temper”
- due to the behavior of the victim, children or a problem in the relationship
- genetically inherited
- disagreement, a marital spat

**Notes:**
Reinforce by misconceptions from the public, police, medical, family TV, religion
what did you do to make him mad

## Domestic Violence is NOT caused by . . .

- illness
- alcohol or drugs
- stress
- an anger management problem

## Causes of Domestic Violence?

- Domestic Violence  _**is...**_
-               a learned behavior.
- The abuser is responsible for the behaviors use in achieving his goal of power and control.

**Notes:**
Look for confusion about DV as an anger management issue,out of control behavior, alcohol, victim blaming , drug use

Studies of primates show violent behavior towards mates in order to maintain the harem, to control mating habits
Don’t get to carried away here

## Cycle of Violence   

|   Incident 
Any type of abuse occurs (physical/sexual/emotional)  |
| --- |

|       Tension Building 
Abuser starts to get angry  
Abuse may begin  
There is a breakdown of communication  
Victim feels the need to keep the abuser calm  
Tension becomes too much  
Victim feels like they are 'walking on egg shells'  |       Making-Up 
Abuser may apologize for abuse  
Abuser may promise it will never happen again  
Abuser may blame the victim for causing the abuse  
Abuser may deny abuse took place or say it was not as bad as the victim claims  |
| --- | --- |

| Calm 
Abuser acts like the abuse never happened  

Physical abuse may not be taking place  
 | 
Promises made during 'making-up' may be met  
Victim may hope that the abuse is over  
Abuser may give gifts to victim  |
| --- | --- |

## The facts of the matter

- (2)

## Family Violence is Very Common: 

- 31% report lifetime prevalence
- More prevalent among women than diabetes, breast cancer, and cervical cancer
- From Family Violence Prevention Fund

## Alarming Statistics

- The American Medical Association estimates that over 4 million women are victims of severe assaults by boyfriends and husbands each year.   		*“**Violence Against Women," *
*CQ Researcher, Congressional Quarterly 1993*

**Notes:**

54 %, I of murders in another  estimate
Victoria BC 1990 71% 
	       1991 42%

## Slide 12

## What is not true . . .

- Top 4 Myths

## Myth #1: Love and Violence Cannot Exist Together in a Relationship.

- Fact:  The Relationship Between an Abuser and a Victim Can Be Confusing.  Many Batterers Act in Loving, Caring Ways Some of the Time.  Victims May Love the Batterer and Want the Battering to Stop.
- Over Time, However, the Loving Periods May Lessen or Change.

## Myth #2: He Will Change When We Get Married.

- Fact:  Many Believe a Marriage License Will Change Him.  The Abusive Behavior Is Deeply Rooted and Takes Years of Treatment to Change, a License Won’t Do It.  The abuser may see the License as his  Title to Property.  He Sees It As a Paper Showing His Legal Right to Ownership.
- The Physical Abuse May Begin at This Point After a Dating Relationship of Verbal and Emotional Abuse.

## Myth #3:  Stress, Drugs, or Alcohol Cause the Violence

- Fact:  Stress, Drugs, and Alcohol May Contribute to an Episode of Domestic or Dating Violence, but They Are Not the Cause.  Stress, Drugs, and Alcohol Are Frequently Used As Excuses for the Violence by the Batterer and the Survivor.
- The Responsibility for the Abuse Belongs to the Batterer.

## Myth #4:  Women Are at Great Risk of Being Assaulted by a Stranger.

- Fact:  Studies in the United States and Abroad Indicate That Women Are at Far Greater Risk of Being Assaulted by Men They Know Than by Strangers.
- Most Violence Is Not Happening in the Shadows and Dark Alleys.  Dating Partners Are More Dangerous Than Strangers.

## So, who are the abusers and who are the victims?

- (3)

## Abusers are . . .

- Politicians
- Lawyers
- Judges
- Doctors
- Athletes
- Movie stars
- Truck drivers
- Teachers
- Student body presidents
- Police officers

- Come from all races, religions, sexual orientations, education levels, and social groups.
- Can be male or female
- Can be adolescent to elderly

## The Boogie Man Trap

- Don’t Fall Into the Trap of Believing That Abusers All Look “Scary.”
- Like the Villain in the Movies.

## Victims are Survivors, who are ...

- Politicians
- Lawyers
- Judges
- Doctors
- Athletes
- Movie stars
- Truck drivers
- Teachers
- Student body presidents
- Police officers

- From all races, religions, social groups, educational levels, and sexual orientations.
- Male or female
- Adolescent to elderly
- No specific personality traits, Any level of physical ability

## The Victim . . . Same Trap As With Abusers. 

-  Survivors of Violence Do Not All Wear a Scarf Over Their Head and Dark Sunglasses.

## Abuse comes in many forms: 

- Abuse comes in many forms:

- (5)

**Notes:**
Using Intimidation 		
Making you afraid by using looks, actions, or gestures. 
Smashing things. 	Destroying property. 
Abusing pets. 
Displaying weapons. 	
Using Emotional Abuse 		
Putting you down. 
Making you feel bad about yourself. 
Calling you names. 	Making you feel guilty. 
Making you think you are crazy. 
Playing mind games. 
Humiliating you. 	
Using Isolation 		
Controlling what you do, whom you see and talk to, what you read, and where you go. 	Limiting your outside involvement. 
Using jealousy to justify actions. 	
Denying, Blaming, Minimizing 		
Making light of the abuse and not taking your concerns about it seriously. 
Saying the abuse didn't happen 	Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior to other people or circumstances. 
Saying you caused the abuse. 	
Using Children 		
Making you feel guilty about the children. 
Using the children to relay messages. 	Using visitation to harass you. 
Threatening to take the children away 	
Using Male Privilege 		
Making all the big decisions. 
Acting like "Master of the Castle". 	Being the one to define men's and women's roles. 
Treating you like a servant. 	
Using Economic Abuse 		
Preventing you from getting or keeping a job. 
Making you ask for money. 
Giving you an allowance. 	Taking your money. 
Not letting you know about or have access to family income. 	
Using Coercion and Threats 		
Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt you. 
Threatening to "out" you. 	Threatening to leave you, to commit suicide, to report you to Welfare authorities. 
Making you do illegal things. 	

## Intimidation

- Reckless driving.
- Kicking.
- Destruction of her property.
- Shouting.
- Looks and gestures.
- Threats to get her in trouble.
- Abuse pets and tell her this could be her.

- He is teaching her the power he has over her and his ability to control her.

## Emotional and Verbal Abuse

***Abusers who brainwash their intimate partners use methods similar to those of prison guards who recognize that physical control is never easily accomplished without the cooperation of the prisoner.***
- These methods form the
-     core of emotional abuse.

**Notes:**
Use examples here
take examples from participants

## Example

- 36 year old  overweight married female in for annual exam states she does not need birth control
- Her Husband sleeps in a different room  because tells her  he  “ hates fat people”

## Isolation 

- Tells her she needs to chose between him and her family/friends.
- Pressures her to quit work, school or extra-curricular activities.
- Pressures her to not go to college or to a college of his choice.

- Disrupts family and other social functions to prevent a future invitation.
- Denies her access to a vehicle or disables her vehicle.

## Blaming, Denying, Minimizing 

- If you would only . . . Then I would not hurt you.
- It wasn’t that bad a beating
- I never hurt you
- It could have been worse

## Using Children

- forcing children to engage in abuse of the victim
- physical and sexual abuse of children
- As hostages
- using children as spies
- custody fights
- The kids need a father

## Patriarchal Society and Historical View of Women

- It Will Certainly Not Come As a Surprise to Most People, but Society, the Patriarchal Society That Has Existed Throughout History Has Given Men Social Permission to Control Women and Children.

## Using Male Privilege

- He acts like “he is the boss.”
- He acts like she is a slave for him.
- He acts like the “master” of his castle.
- She must ask him for and to do anything.
- He is teaching her about his power and control.

## An Abuser’s Suicide Note

*   **“**I don’t want to live without you.  You and (daughter) are my most precious *_*possessions”*_

## Financial Abuse

- Controlling and manipulating you by threatening your economic status and basic needs.

## Financial Abuse  

- 24  year old female violent relationship for 10 years
- Quit school at 16 to stay home with second child
- Wants to leave, unable to find employment with no experience
- Abuser states he will quit work in order not to provide child support if she leaves

## Threats

- Harm her or her family.
- Commit suicide.
- Share private information.
- Break up with her.
- Take or destroy property.

## He Uses Threats To:

- Keep her from calling the police.
- Keep her from telling her family.
- Force her to participate in illegal activities.
- Control what she does, who she sees and how she acts.
- Embarrass her publicly.
- Tell people what a horrible mother she is.
- Rape her.
- Teach her about the power and control he has over her.

## Violence is an effective means of gaining and maintaining control 

- Violence is an effective means of gaining and maintaining control

- War
- Training animals
- Slavery

- Physical Sexual Violence

## Physical

- any  acts which may harm a body.
- Kicking
- punching
- shoving
- slapping
- pushing
- choking
- burning

## Example 

- 31 year old female present to clinic with  c burns to the left for arm – appear to be cigarette burns
- Review of records reveal past broken ribs, suturing  to  lower lip and rupture tympanic membrane

## Sexual Abuse

- vulgar names
- forced or pressured sexual acts
- rape

## Example

- 52 year old female reports 25 years of forced sexual intercourse with her husband

## What are the Forces that make Victims stay in Abusive Situations?

- Victims are frequently
- 			blamed for being victims.

- (5)

## So, why would someone stay?? 

-   People stay in abusive relationships for many different reasons. It is not a simple situation and no one should judge someone who decides to stay.

## Emotional reasons:

- Fear
- Low self-esteem
- Experienced abuse as a child and doesn’t know anything else
- Feel isolated
- Shame or embarrassment

- LOVE
- Depression
- Guilt
- A desire to make it better
- Hope and dreams of a certain way of life
- Children

## Economic Reasons:

- Unemployment
- Lack of education
- Home belongs to partner
- Money controlled by partner
- Children

## Social reasons:

- Cultural issues
- Community's response
- Isolation from community
- Lack of information and resources
- Lack of support from friend, family and/or community
- Religious beliefs
- Family beliefs
- Inadequate response from the police or court system

## Special Issues For Teens in Violent Relationships

- Lack of Experience
- Might think it’s normal
- May be involved with Drugs and Alcohol
- Peer Pressure
- Jealousy and Possessiveness thought to be a sign of love
- Status
- Isolation
- Heavily influenced by the media/role models
- Stalking - on the campus

## Impact on Society

- Unaddressed, Domestic Violence is Costly

## The Effects of Violence

- Personal Health
- Public Health
- Economic Health
- Violence Has an Impact on All of Us.