# Presentation: 180043

## Partnering with Parents The “Empowerment” Factor

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## Our Agenda

**The Dynamics of Parenting Teens**
**How Parent Empowerment links to Student Success for Teens.**
**Effective Communication Strategies**
**“****Parental Development” and       “Family Systems”**
**Parent Empowerment Principles**

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## Parents’ Biggest Fear– Life and Death: 

**Source: ChangeWorks Publishing & Consulting**

***“******My biggest fear ******is that she makes it ******out of her teens ALIVE and without problems that will follow her for the rest of her life.”***

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## “What’s the hardest part of parenting teenagers today?”

***“******Most of society seems to be giving a diametrically opposed message to the ones I am giving my kids. ******The outside message – from films, TV, music ******and the media – seems to be ‘have sex, drink ******and take drugs, resort to violence to solve******disputes,treat partners badly, and never confide in your parents. Oh, and driving fast is cool, too.”***

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## The hardest part is...

***“...******managing their defiance...”***

***“...******maintaining the values in our house despite the daily deluge of inappropriate messages.”***

***“...******trying to place yourself between Gestapo and friend.”***

**The hardest part is...**

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## Parents say:

***“******Being a parent is wonderful. ***
***I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”***
**96% agreed**

**Source: Public Agenda: *****A Lot Easier Said Than Done***

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## One dad said:

***“******I want to know where the manual is. ******When you get a piece of electronics ***
***it comes with a book.”***

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## Parents want to teach values

- to be honest, courteous, reliable
- to have self-discipline, good nutrition, religious faith
- to always do the best in school
- to save money and spend carefully

- Source: Public Agenda: *A Lot Easier Said Than Done*

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## In actuality...

- There is a sizeable gap between what parents say they ***want*** to teach their kids, and what they ***do*** teach them.

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

- October 10, 2006

## TRAIT		        VALUED    SUCCESS         UNSUCCESSFUL

Disciplined		83%	   34%	 	    49%
Thrifty		70%	   28% 	    42%
Honest		91%	   55%		    36%
Academic focus	82%	   50%		    32%
Good nutrition	68%	   40%		    28%
Good manners	84%	   62%		    22%

**Disciplined**		83%	   34%	 	    **49%**
**Thrifty**		70%	   28% 	    **42%**
**Honest**		91%	   55%		    **36%**
**Academic focus****	**82%	   50%		    **32%**
**Good nutrition**	68%	   40%		    **28%**
**Good manners**	84%	   62%		    **22%**

- Source: Public Agenda: *A Lot Easier Said Than Done*

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## Parents’ Universal Truths

- Children do best when parents set limits and enforce them.
- Sometimes kids must make mistakes and learn from the consequences.
- Parents have to pick their battles.
- Being too strict can backfire.
- Things are harder when both parents have to work.		**                  ****	****	**

**Source: Public Agenda: *****A Lot Easier Said Than Done***

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## Trying their best....

**Source: Public Agenda: *****A Lot Easier Said Than Done***

- “The parents we interviewed are **anything ****but thoughtless** about how they ought to raise their children. If at times they seem riddled with ambivalence and tension, conflicted about how best to respond to a given situation, they also convey how **seriously they are struggling** to figure out how to balance their desire to raise independent, self-disciplined youngsters while **protecting **them from the dangers lurking.”

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## Sometimes,

**“****parenting teenagers” **
**feels paradoxical.**

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## Parents feel conflicted between

- 	**Pressuring their kids for academic success**

- 	**Their desire to make children more self-reliant**

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## Paradox:

**Parents feel disconnected**** from their teenagers even though they are trying to stay connected to them. **
**Parents feel dis-empowered**** when their teens push away. **
**Parents often feel like failures**** when they have less control over their teens. This tends to make parents withdraw more and not seek the help     ****	****	****	****they may need.**

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## PARENT EMPOWERMENT PRINCIPLE:

**Begin with the assumption ****that parents care.**

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## PARENT EMPOWERMENT PRINCIPLE:

_**Validation**_**, **
**encouragement and support **
**is vital. **

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## Parents complain about

- Culture and media
- Balancing “guidance” and “freedom”
- Teaching healthy attitudes
- Communication

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## PARENT EMPOWERMENT PRINCIPLE:

**Risky behavior is **
**viewed in a **
**broad context. **

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## How Parent Empowerment Links to Student Success

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## What influences parents’ involvement?

**Beliefs:**** **
- what parents believe they are supposed to do in relation to their children’s education
**Welcoming attitude:**** **
- from school and students
**Efficacy:**** **
- parents’ confidence in their ability to provide the necessary help for their children

**Source: A New Wave of Evidence; The Impact of School, Family and Community Connections on Student Achievement; ****annual synthesis 2002 (44)**

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## Effective family involvement processes:

**Source: Harvard Family Research Project**

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## From one middle school principal:

*“**We have parents who are *
*“**powerful”** but not *
*“**empowered.”*

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## Empowered Parents

**Knowledge**

**Connections**

**Confidence**

**Empowered**** ****Parents**

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## Communicating Effectively

- Effective communication with parents is:
- Personal
- One-to-one
- One-to-many
- Two-way
- Frequent – advertising rule is 5 – 7 contacts
- Multi-channel...print, e-mail, website, signs, newsletters, phone calls...

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## PARENT EMPOWERMENT PRINCIPLE:

***Effective***** communication **
**is created intentionally**
** **

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## Discuss/Update Your Plan

- Do you/how do you recognize, validate and support the emotional experiences of parents?
- How might you improve in this area?
- To effectively empower parents requires a broad spectrum of attitudes and activities. List the most important
- Attitudes...and what you can do to foster them
- Activities...what needs to be added to your plan?
- How can you help parents gain the knowledge and the connections that are so vital?

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## “Parental Development”
 and 
“Family Systems”

** ****and **
**“****Family Systems”**

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## Parental DevelopmentParental Awareness Measure

- Level I:
-  “Me First”...*focus is on parent’s needs*
- Level II:
- “Follow the Rules”...*focus on traditions*
- Level III:
- “We are Individuals”...*focus on child’s needs*
- Level IV:
- “Living and Growing Together”...*focus on balancing child’s and parent’s needs*

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## Parenting Process & Parental Thinking

- 	Some parents accept everything from authority figures....
- 	Some accept only one’s own concrete experiences, feelings, beliefs...
- 	Some can synthesize – and combine ideas from all perspectives.

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## Family Systems’ Characteristics

- Boundaries
- Roles
- Rules
- Climate
- Equilibrium

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## Adult Learning Principles

- Adults draw on their own experiences
- Adults learn best when adult learning strategies are involved:
- -Listening
- -Assessing
- -Dialogue
- -Problem-solving
- -Reflection

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## PARENT EMPOWERMENT PRINCIPLES:

- Begin with the assumption that parents care.
- Validation, encouragement and support is vital.
- Risky behavior is viewed in a broad context.
- Effective communication is created intentionally.
- Address adults in a manner that respects their varying developmental stages, learning styles and their adult learning needs.

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks

## Resources from ChangeWorks

- Audio programs, podcasts,

- Parent discussion group program

- “Tips” booklets

- Websites – Free articles, tips, newsletter
- www.ParentingTeensInfo.comwww.PleaseStoptheRollercoaster.com
- 1-800-234-2150

- Research

- Sue Blaney ~ ChangeWorks