![](media/image1.png){width="2.0555555555555554in"
height="0.6298611111111111in"}

**A LifeCare^®^ Digest on Helping Children Cope with a Disaster**

In the aftermath of the recent acts of terrorism, parents are left
wondering how to speak to their children about these tragic events. This
digest provides detailed age-specific information on how children may
respond to the tragedy---and how you can talk to your children about
these incidents. *Note*---This digest is for informational purposes
only; use this as a guideline and adapt it to the unique needs of your
family and children as you see fit.

# How Children Respond to a Traumatic Event

Traumatic events, such as the terrorist attacks that occurred on
September 11, 2001, are frightening to children and adults alike.
Remember that children often look to their parents for support and
guidance---and, therefore, they may be affected by your reactions. Be
open and honest with your children about your concerns, but try not to
alarm or panic them. Children will behave differently depending on their
age and how directly they were affected.

# Infants/Toddlers

Even infants and young children tend to pick up on the emotional
distress of parents and other caregivers. If you are feeling anxious,
worried or coping with grief, your child may exhibit physical signs of
anxiety and altered behavior, especially since children this young are
pre-verbal and cannot express their feelings in words. The most common
reactions babies and toddlers have to stress are excessive clinginess
and crying; self-stimulating behavior such as pulling on his or her own
hair or ears and scratching him or herself; and physical behavior such
as head-banging, hitting and aggressive play.

**Tips for Helping an Infant/Toddler Cope**

-   Make sure your child is supervised at all times. If you are unable
    to be with your child, ask trusted friends, relatives and caregivers
    to help out. Unless imperative, this may not be the best time to
    introduce new caregivers, which can compound your child's feelings
    of anxiety.

```{=html}
<!-- -->
```
-   Hold and comfort your child as much as possible---especially when he
    or she is crying or upset.

-   If your child is playing aggressively, redirect him or her to
    positive activities such as reading a book, listening/dancing to
    music, blowing bubbles, splashing in a pool/tub, or whatever
    activity your child finds enjoyable and relaxing.

-   Speak in soft tones and be as calm as possible around your child.

-   Give your child a lot of attention, and offer a blanket or special
    stuffed animal, bottles and snacks to help soothe your child.

A baby/toddler's stress may only last for a short time; however, ongoing
or repeated exposure to stressful situations may affect your child in
the long-term. If you are concerned about any extreme behavior your
child is displaying, please consult his or her pediatrician immediately.

# Preschoolers (Ages Three to Five)

Preschoolers may find it hard to adjust to stress, change and loss since
children at this age have not yet developed their own coping skills. As
a result, they must depend on parents, family members and teachers to
help them through difficult times. A preschooler may regress following a
traumatic event. For example, he or she may resume thumb sucking or
bedwetting or may become afraid of strangers, animals, darkness or
"monsters."

Clinginess, changes in eating and sleeping habits are common, as are
unexplainable aches and pains. Other symptoms to watch for are
disobedience, hyperactivity, speech difficulties and aggressive or
withdrawn behavior. Preschoolers may tell exaggerated stories about the
traumatic event or may speak of it over and over.

**Tips for Helping a Preschooler Cope**

-   Make sure your child is supervised at all times. If you cannot be
    with your child, ask trusted friends and family members to help.

-   Try to keep daily life as normal as possible and resume regular
    routines. Children in distress find routines comforting.

-   Talk with your child about his or her feelings and listen without
    judgment. Ask simple questions such as "How are you feeling?" "Are
    you scared" and use simple explanations and reassurances. "I
    understand how you feel. I will help you."

-   If your child is not verbal, look for nonverbal reactions, such as
    facial expressions or posture, play behavior, verbal tone or content
    of your child's expression---these will offer important clues to his
    or her reactions.

-   Assure your child that you will be there to take care of him or her,
    and reassure your child often.

-   Surround yourself with loved ones, friends, and others who offer
    comfort and support.

-   Help your child regain faith in the future by helping him or her
    develop plans for activities that will take place later---next week,
    next month, etc.

-   Do not focus on immature behavior; this is a common reaction to
    trauma. Instead, praise your child often.

-   Try not to lecture or teach about the issues until there has been
    some exploration about what is most important, confusing or
    troublesome to your child.

-   Turn off the TV and radio when your child is around, so as not to
    scare him or her.

-   Spend extra time with your child, if possible.

# School-aged Children (Ages Five to 12)

School-aged children may have similar reactions as younger children,
including regressing to more childish behaviors. For example, they may
ask parents to feed or dress them. In addition, they may withdraw from
playgroups and friends, compete more for the attention of parents, fear
going to school, have difficulty with assignments, become aggressive or
have difficulty concentrating. School-aged children may also become more
easily upset, crying and whining, and may lose a sense of trust.

# 

**Tips for Helping a School-aged Child Cope**

-   Be with your child as much as possible.

-   Try to keep daily life as normal as possible and resume regular
    routines. Children in distress find routines comforting.

-   Children usually feel better when they can talk about their
    feelings. To help your child sort out his or her feelings, ask
    specific questions such as "How do you feel? Does it make you feel
    scared? What worries you the most?" Encourage your child to be
    honest and open, and listen carefully for clues about hidden
    feelings or worries.

-   Ask your child about his or her fears, and acknowledge and reassure
    your child that the government, the police, parents and teachers are
    doing everything possible to keep the country safe. Offer your love,
    support and guidance and say things such as "I am here to protect
    you and to help keep you safe."

-   Stress that this is a rare incident, but avoid making false promises
    such as "Nothing like this will ever happen to you."

-   Older children should be allowed to watch TV news briefly with
    parental supervision. Use this as an opportunity to talk to your
    child about sensitive subjects, such as tolerance and non-violent
    problem-solving.

-   Help your child reach out in support. Put up an American flag at
    your house or help your child's school organize a food drive.

# Adolescents (Ages 13 to 18)

Pre-teens and teens are likely to have vague physical complaints when
under stress and may abandon chores, schoolwork and other
responsibilities they previously handled. Younger adolescents may
compete for attention from parents and teachers while others may
withdraw, resist authority, become disruptive at home or in the
classroom. Children at this age are also more likely to begin
experimenting with high-risk behaviors such as drinking or drug use,
particularly when dealing with a stressful situation.

In later adolescence, teens may experience feelings of helplessness and
guilt because they are unable to assume adult responsibilities as the
community responds to the disaster. They may be susceptible to feelings
or acts of prejudice, retaliation and revenge against certain groups of
people. Older teens may also deny the extent of their emotional
reactions to the traumatic event.

**Tips for Helping an Adolescent Cope**

-   Reassure your child that the government, police, teachers, etc. are
    doing everything possible to keep us safe. Older teens will be able
    to grasp the concept more clearly, so have adult conversations with
    your teen about the government and what is happening---but temper
    conversations as needed so as not to unnecessarily scare your child.

-   Ask your child what he has heard from the media, friends, etc. and
    clear up any rumors that may cause additional fear.

-   Let your child know that it's okay to be angry about what happened.
    However, teach your child to manage the anger constructively. For
    example, suggest safe ways to vent anger such as exercising or
    writing in a journal.

-   Consider having your teen champion volunteer efforts at his or her
    school or within the community (e.g., a toy or food drive, bake sale
    to raise money, at his or her school or community) to show his
    support for others.

In addition, speak to your child's school administrators. Ask your
child's teachers and/or school principal how they are handling the
event. Are classes proceeding as normal? Are crisis counselors
available? Many schools speak to students about safety issues, and
reassure them that they are doing everything possible to keep the
children safe. Some schools may instruct teachers to answer questions as
needed, but not to push discussions if the students don't seem
interested. Several experts suggest that schools should give students
the chance to write or draw about their feelings. Keep in close contact
with your school's teachers and ask them to keep you apprised of any
unusual behaviors your child may display.

**Warning Signs**

If you notice unusual behavior in your child---at any age---it may be a
reaction to stress, fear or trauma. Learn how to recognize the warning
signs and seek professional help from a pediatrician, counselor, social
worker, psychologist or other professional. The following warning signs
may indicate that your child is having difficulty dealing with the
effects of a tragic event:

-   Refusal to return to school and "clinging" behavior, such as
    shadowing a parent or caregiver around the house

-   Persistent fears related to the catastrophe (i.e., fears about being
    permanently separated from parents)

-   Sleep disturbances, such as nightmares or bedwetting, persisting
    more than several days after the event

-   Loss of concentration and irritability

-   Behavior problems; for example, misbehaving in school or at home in
    ways that are not typical for the child

-   Physical complaints (stomachaches, headaches, dizziness) for which a
    physical cause cannot be found

-   Withdrawal from family and friends, listlessness, decreased
    activity, preoccupation with the events of the disaster.

-   Speaking or acting out in ways that are excessively aggressive and
    intolerant of people who belong to another race, religion, etc.

-   A change in the way the child plays, such as hitting playmates or
    breaking toys, or repeating the same game over and over

Remember, these symptoms are common reactions to anxiety. However, if
symptoms persist for longer than six weeks and disrupt your child's
daily routine, seek help from a social worker, physician or
psychologist.

**In Severe Cases**

Children who are directly affected by the event (e.g., those with a
friend or family member who has been killed or seriously injured) may
experience more acute reactions. The most severe form is Post-Traumatic
Stress Disorder (PTSD), psychological damage that can result from
experiencing, witnessing or participating in an overwhelmingly traumatic
(frightening) event. PTSD rarely appears during the trauma itself.
Although its symptoms can occur soon after the event, the disorder often
surfaces several months or even years later. Children with this disorder
have repeated episodes in which they re-experience the traumatic event.
Children often relive the trauma through repetitive play.

Professional advice or treatment for children affected by a
disaster---especially those who have witnessed destruction, injury or
death---can help prevent or minimize PTSD. A professional can help your
child deal with his or her emotions and can provide valuable tips and
guidance to parents. In addition, contact the Department of Justice EAP
(Employee Assistance Program) on 800-626-0385. An EAP counselor can
provide counseling on a wide range of issues, including stress, anxiety,
dealing with violence and more.

# Coping Tips for the Entire Family

# It's important to remember that everyone in your family will be affected by the tragic event, not just children. The following tips can help you and your family support each other during this difficult time and begin the healing process together. Again, these will have to be adapted to the age of your children. 

# Talk about the event. Encourage family members to describe their feelings. 

-   Be supportive and non-judgmental.

-   Get and give information. Discuss factual information about what
    caused the disaster. Also, talk about recent changes in your lives.
    This helps everyone know what is happening and what to expect.

-   Don't encourage prejudiced or intolerant ideas or sentiments. Do not
    judge an entire race or religion based on the extremist actions of a
    few.

-   Maintain standards with children, but be more flexible with less
    important expectations. For example, your child should try to
    complete his or her homework each night, but it's less important
    that he or she receive a perfect grade.

-   Be flexible with roles and chores.

-   Set priorities and problem solve with input from all family members.

-   Allow time to heal. Give yourself and your family time to heal at
    each person's own pace. Think of healing as a family issue, not an
    individual one.

-   Give and ask for support from family members, friends and the
    community.

-   Review emergency preparedness plans for your household. Improve
    those areas that need some attention and have your family practice
    drills.

-   Laugh and use humor. Try to lighten up whenever possible.

-   Be tolerant and give each other space.

-   Giving hugs, tell your loved ones how much they are appreciated and
    offer praise.

-   Use rituals that can support and aid growth and healing.

-   After some time has passed, review what has happened with your
    family. Concentrate on how each person has changed or grown.

-   Take time to do fun things and make daily life as normal as
    possible; once the initial trauma has passed, try to resume your
    regular routine.

This LifeCare^®^ Digest is for general informational purposes only and
is not intended to provide any reader with specific authority, advice or
recommendations.

Copyright © 2001 LifeCare^®^, Inc. All rights reserved.

LifeCare^®^, Inc. is a worldwide leader in Life Event Management^SM^
Services.

LifeCare^®^, Inc.

PO Box 2783

Westport, CT 06880

800-873-4636

http://www.lifecare.com