**"Emotions, Money & Financial Stress"**

Research has shown that financial stress is linked to depression. Since
Congress passed legislation in 2005 to make it more difficult to remove
credit card debt, more Americans must take a hard look at exactly what
behaviors are causing financial stress. While it is true that escalating
prices for gas and home heating fuel are a cause of some of the stress,
these are things you cannot change, except to consume less. By looking
at the things you CAN change, you can dramatically improve your
situation.

A "Top Ten" of dysfunctional money-related behaviors:

1.  **Using money as a mood-changer.** If you get the "call of the mall"
    after a bad day, or a family argument, stop and think before heading
    to the mall. What more "stuff" do I really need? Would I still
    purchase this item if I had to pay cash? Am I using my credit
    card(s) to get back at someone? Try to view the situation in a new
    way. Develop more flexible problem-solving skills. Think: who
    eventually "pays the tab?"

> 2\. **"We'll deal with it later."** Incurring more debt only puts more
> financial stress on
>
> you to pay more, which is risky in these troubled financial times.
> What would
>
> happen if someone lost their job, or got too sick to work? The
> financial optimism
>
> we enjoyed several years ago has been overshadowed by new realities.

3.  **"Till debt do us part."** When we marry, we enter into a
    relationship that can,

> through combined efforts, create wealth or a financial hell-on-earth.
> Keeping
>
> secrets about how money is spent, or earned, can create havoc and
> erode trust at
>
> home. Familial attitudes about money that are brought to the
> beginnings of a
>
> marriage can be a contributing factor too. People differ in their
> attitudes about budgets, investment style, insurance needs, standard
> of living, vacations, hobbies, etc. It is important to choose someone
> from the outset whose values are in sync with yours, or if its too
> late for that, to have regular discussions about financial priorities
> and decisions.

4.  **Hidden addictions.** These are crisis-creators in a marriage. The
    obvious

> addictions of shopaholism, gambling and/or drugs are all well-known to
> eat up huge amounts of money. But what about internet addiction (home
> shopping, sex, etc.) or having to have the latest software or gadget
> for the computer. In some homes, the computer demands as much
> attention as the children. Also, do you
>
> eat out a lot? You may be "eating up" your available disposable income
> due to poor planning or possibly a need for excitement. Deal with your
> needs for excitement another way, and you'll start saving money.

5.  **Not planning for major purchases or choosing impulsively.**
    Washing

> machines and refrigerators, as well as all major appliances,
> eventually roll over and die. Replacing these items is costly, but
> sometimes our emotions take over what could be a rational process. We
> may feel a sense of entitlement where "only the best will do." Or, our
> good judgment may be clouded by having to buy the same product a
> friend or relative just purchased, even if we can't afford it without
> great hardship.

6.  **Playing rescuer for the financial crises of grown children.** If
    your grown

> child/children can't seem to manage their money without frequent
> bailouts by Mom and Dad, you are in for a wild ride. You might do this
> because a) you feel you "have to" in order to prevent some
> catastrophe, or b) because its "what good parents do," or c) because
> you get a kick out of stepping up to control your adult child's life.
> However, be aware when you do this you are reinforcing your child's
> failure to function as an adult and you are creating a false security
> that Mom and Dad will always be there to rescue them. Someday you
> won't, and they will be older and possibly not wiser. Save your money
> for your own retirement and teach them how to fish rather than giving
> them a fish.

7.  **Not wanting to look in the mailbox.** Do you ignore the warning
    signs that you

> have too much debt? Do you only make minimum payments, incur late
> charges, or not know the total amount of your debts with their
> corresponding interest rates?
>
> Your head-in-the-sand approach is probably costing you more money
> because, out of your fears about knowing and looking, you may be
> missing opportunities to undo the damage, or at least do damage
> control. Once you take the time to know what you are dealing with, it
> will be scary but you can adopt a plan of action to curtail new
> spending, take steps with creditors, pay bills on time to avoid those
> deathly default rates, etc.

8.  **Letting money "burn a hole in your pocket."** Having money in the
    pocket is

> comforting to most people, but before you spend your tax return money,
> consider letting it "cool off" for awhile, safely parked in a savings
> account that's difficult to access. Adopt a time frame where you
> choose to do nothing. You might find that you actually like saving.

9.  **Emotions about inheritances.** More middle-aged people are
    inheriting money,

> as a result of the thrifty ways their parents had as children born in
> the Great Depression. An inheritance can elicit powerful feelings
> ranging from guilt over
>
> what you did not do for your parents, to sadness that they did not get
> to enjoy their own hard-earned money, to fear that you will blow
> through your inheritance, or feelings of entitlement after having had
> an unhappy family life. Whatever your case, get sound financial advice
> from a trusted source. Avoid high-risk situations to attempt to parlay
> your new found wealth into a fortune, unless you are a trained money
> expert. People who inherit money sometimes feel that because they did
> not earn it, it is "mad money." Resist fancy home improvements until
> the money, and your emotions, "cools off." Finally, do not forget the
> share due IRS, even if you feel that the money is "all mine" because
> this oversight can create new havoc.

10. **"I'm going to win Lotto."** Having dreams is a fun thing but if
    your solution

> to money stress is to score big at Lotto, you might be living in
> Fantasyland. The
>
> reality is that most of us will have to work until we get to retire,
> and only a tiny
>
> percentage of people ever win lotteries. It's far better to use your
> wits to plan soundly towards making your retirement dream comfortable.
> You'll probably come out ahead anyway, by being a tortoise rather than
> the hare, since most Lotto winners have lost their winnings within the
> first five years.

If you are having financial stress and would like to talk about it,
visit EAP by calling X4567 and arranging for an appointment.