MOVING BACK HOME

Some Things to Keep in Mind for Children

When a home is finally rebuilt after a disaster, moving into the new
house is usually anticipated with hope and excitement. At last, the long
months of work and worry have accomplished their goal, and children and
their families look forward to getting back to a normal routine.
Children may be excited and eager to move out of crowded temporary
quarters, to have a room of their own again, to be back in their old
neighborhood, and to see familiar friends and places.

In addition to the excitement, however, it is not unusual when moving
into the home for children and their families to have a reawakening of
memories of the disaster or stressful reactions similar to those
experienced after the disaster. This is understandable when you consider
that the home that was lost was not only a house, but also the place
that symbolized safety and security. Moving into the new house is a
reminder of the loss of the old house and the scary way in which it was
lost.

Children may become irritable or have difficulty sleeping. They may fall
back into behavior patterns from a younger age, and may have
stomachaches, headaches, or other physical complaints. They may express
fears about the disaster, or may be fearful of the dark or of being
alone. It is important for parents to realize that these reactions,
which are normal after a disaster, are also perfectly normal when an
event such as moving back into the home "triggers" the memories of the
disaster. Usually the reactions will go away themselves within a few
weeks, especially if parents are understanding and supportive, and if
children have the opportunity to talk about their feelings through play
or art.

It is important for parents to let children know that these reactions
are common when moving back to the place where the disaster happened.
They can let children know that parents, too, have these kinds of
memories and reactions. It is important to encourage children to talk
about their memories and feelings about the disaster. However, it is
also important to end the discussions on a positive note, encouraging
the child to also talk about how the family survived the disaster, how
s/he feels now that almost a year has passed, positive changes s/he
experienced since the disaster, things s/he learned since the disaster,
or advice s/he would give to other children about what to do to feel
better after the disaster.

Parents can help children to rebuild a sense of safety and security by
involving them in developing or reviewing a family safety plan, with
emphasis on disaster safety in the home and the neighborhood. It is
especially important for children who are home alone sometimes to know
who in the neighborhood will look out for them and assist them if
another emergency happens.

Often, even if the new house is built with exiting improvements over the
old one, moving back in can bring pangs of grief for the
[things]{.underline} that are no longer there to fill the
space---pictures, toys, a favorite blanket. It is important to let
children talk about their re-awakened sadness over these losses. Let
them know when you have the same kind of feelings. Talk about what you
miss most. Let children help in decision making and shopping for
furniture and decorations, especially for their own rooms, but also for
other areas of the house. If pets were lost in the disaster, their
absence will probably really be missed in the new house. It is important
to talk about it and when everyone will feel ready to bring another pet
into the family.

These suggestions are not intended to put a damper on families'
enthusiasm at this happy time. They are simply to reassure families that
it is perfectly normal to feel a [mixture]{.underline} of happiness and
sadness when moving home again. It is simply another step on the road to
recovery. It is important to allow the feelings to be shared, while at
the same time realizing how far the family [has]{.underline} come, and
how much has been rebuilt. It is often helpful to have children draw
[two]{.underline} pictures when they move home again: one of myself and
my family the day of the disaster, and one of myself today.