text: Most people with Italian blood lines and who call themselves Italians are merely people who happen to like spaghetti and meatballs or pizza nKind of like a sixyear oldnAnd menIm straightup American on most days until I go into an Italian deliwhere there are other Italians That is when I switch on my ancestry and lose my fucking mindnAsking for mooooozadellla instead of mozzarella nOr pahmoodgonnna rather than parmesannnI know I am an asshole But really no more of an asshole than Oprah interviewing Chris Rock nnIts weird I know but that is what people donThey get around their own ethnicity and turn on the shitnnSo I guess I should not be surprised but I always am each time the counter person at Guidos appears confused much like a dog not understanding a command as his head goes sideways and he sayshuh you want whatnnnGuido nYou really should have someone of Italian descent working the counter nSomeone who can capish ItalianAmericandouchebaggerynnYour salad and greek olives margherita pepperoni Aurechio provolone prosciutto and crusty bread have wowed me for yearsnAnd when I am too lazy to make my own dough for two bucks you always save my hide after promising the kids I would make pizzannNo offense but I will never come in for pizza or spaghetti mainly because I cannot put any kind of Italian dialect on the words pizza or spaghetti nUnless I talk like I am from New Yorknn Heyayogive me a dish o postare and a couple o yoo hoosnnBut I am afraid the guy with his head cocked sideways will spit in my food or somethingnnGet someone Italian working the counter and I will give you that extra starnnYour ardent admirernnDiego