text: Everybody wants to pretend they have freedom nobody is willing to suffer for it I announce to the lobby as we walk inn It was one of those epic drinkallnight gougeyoureyesout in the morning type of nights We had been drunk for twelve consecutive hours The clock inside Ihop read am by then and we had just crash landed Smoking cigarettes in the sweet morning making haste down the back streets of Maryland Parkway We had a fierce need for pancakes and coffee in ceramic mugs n I could hear the plastic clock tick away on the wall as they tried to sit us in a booth next to a crazed screaming childn No dice I told them as they told me about their no smoking policyn We sat at our booth isolated alone but for our coffees Outside behind shades I acted sober But internal intoxication was driving me to madness urging me to act out wildlyn But we sat and ate our overpriced breakfast with great delight as the the staff loomed over us keeping each coffee mug full Processed breakfast high fructose corn syrup is a devilish delight even after this much debauchery n Just as things were starting to get comfortable in strolls a couple in their late s with two children The youngest was carried by the dad and they strode in first Behind them was mom handling the reins of a five year old Leashed to his captor the child barged in quickly but was pulled to the floor by his bonds The child wailed like a stuck pig a sound which increased by about five decibels as the mother grasped for control of the leashn Unable to maintain control our group burst out laughing with no restraint The Hostess also unable to restrain her self cracked the smallest of smiles that the mother instantly reacted to The family scowled back at us and the mother swore at us across the once wholesome restaurant I will spit in your coffee you fucking freaksn Just like that the event degenerated into chaos Immediately the Ihop management leaped into action to regain control The staff seated them next to the other crying baby from before We were clearly on our way out as the corporate mangers circled us telling us we had to leave I could only retort to the mothern Monkeys have more freedom than your kidnOutside we offered to pay but to our surprise we found our sacrifice rewarded as we were told did not have to pay We packed into our beat up sedan muttering Nice way to get a free meal and then Who is ready for another drink