text: Hello and welcome to your college cafeteria experience for this evening My name is Inept and I will pretend to be helping you this evening We will be overcharging you this evening Basically we will be fleecing your wallet Everything you see on the menu is four times fair market value and I promise to bring your food as slowly as possibe and will do my best to bring the wrong food nnWould you like a cocktail I would be glad to bring it to you well after your food arrives You are paying top dollar so why rush thingsnnAs you eat you will have the pleasure of watching the busing team carry dirty dishes across the floor en masse No charge for the floor show nnYou will notice that we serve your pricey ass sushi upon hot rice We want to make sure you have nothing nice to say about your dining experiencennFck you very much and we thank you for wasting your money at barMASA