text: Mellow Mushroom is not exactly the sort of place I would ordinarily go Woodstock murals giant hippypainted schoolbuses in the middle of the dining and awkward wraparound booths just do not quite appeal to my more refined dining sensibilities But my coworkers dig it And the one on Selwyn has a reputation for slow inattentive service which is perfect when you and your coworkers are looking to extend your onehour workday lunch break into a hour marathon nDuring the carpoolcarride over the majority of us joked about how terrible the service would be Shauna our lone female and lone optimist righteously defended MMs honor You guys are so harsh she groaned We got bad service one time and now it is like they are the worst place ever nWe were quick to point out to Shauna multiple specific examples of the bad service we had received on several separate occasions nRemember the time Mark had to go behind the bar and pour his own beer because the waiter never came back nRemember the time we were seated for minutes before anyone took our drink order nRemember the time we had three different lousy waiters because none of them knew whose section we were in nNevertheless we keep coming back hopeful each time that the experience will change It never does nLast Friday we were welcomed and seated promptly Out waitress approached comely and upright with jetblack hair loose but not sloppy clothing and a lovely porcelainskinned face plain and inexpressive but not entirely lifeless She introduced herself with a breathless murmur Kim Amy Amber I do not know I do not think she even knew nHi we all said with genuine enthusiasm She just sorta stood there and teetered like a weeblenWe need drinks I declared Any specials nUm KimAmy looked bewildered nBart leaned forward and read off the specials on the chalkboard behind her The last one was a Mystery Beer nWhat is the mystery beer I asked nKimAmy shrugged It is a mystery nI was intrigued So I ordered one Turns out the mystery beer is just a random bottle of a crappy beer like Grolsch or Longboard or something else they are trying to get rid of that should not be sold for more than a buck nBart cleared his throat Is there a lunch special he asked catching KimAmy completely offguard nWhat day is it she asked us sincerely nUm Friday nOh then yeah We have the special nWe all then politely extended a protracted pause When no further information was offered we were compelled to pry Oh yeah So what is the special nIt is a slice and a salad KimAmy replied quite matteroffactly nWhat kind of slices can I choose from Bart asked nYou can get anything you want She said nOh Barts face lit up as he started scanning through the specialty pies in the menus center page So I can get the Mighty Meaty nAs if he should have known AmyKim halted him sternly No you cannot get those You have to make your own nBart a bit flummoxed tried to reason this out Oh so I cannot choose a specialty pizza but I can get whatever toppings I want nKimAmy nodded Yeah you can get whatever you want I mean you have to pay for toppings nBart now more flabbergasted than flummoxed persisted Ok so toppings are extra nI mean you get one she said nNow the picture was forming more clearly An audible ahhh of clarity was released by half the table So it is a onetopping slice and a salad nKimAmy nodded Now we were getting somewhere But then as if she were somehow made uncomfortable by the sudden moment of clarity she decided to throw us an additional curveball Or you can get two slices nBart now just being a jackass forced her hand Oh so instead of toppings I can just get two slices but does cheese count as a topping n No a slice and a salad nWe all laughed And she laughed too Not sure if she knew it was an atyounotwithyou type thing nOrders were placed Most of us got the special some got sandwiches I ordered pretzels for the table garlic bread in the shape of a pretzel with marinara for dipping nThe sidesalads came out promptly Unspectacular just some greens with onion and tomato sprinkled in Then we waited Took about half an hour for the food to arrive the appetizer brought at the same time as the entrees sigh And we did get one or two more rounds of drinks served in that time So all in all not too bad nThe food is mediocre Greasy slices of pizza with runofthemill ingredients The slices are large so there is that The guys who got sandwiches were impressed and noted that sandwiches are the way to go here Good to know nChecks were a bit of a situation We had to each recount what exactly we would ordered since KimAmy evidently did not split it up as she took things down No big deal It is Mellow Mushroom n hours in and out Best experience I have ever had there