text: Cheryl and Ashley ColennLets look at the facts nnAshley Cole is indicated on numerous occasions in various tabloid rags of taking part in gay orgies in football club showersnnCheryl Tweedy is convicted of having physically and racially assaulted a black toilet attendantnnHow do they quash the rumors and restore their public reputations They get marriednnI was suspicious of this sham from the very start I think it was when I saw the dubious pair on a TV show and he was calling her mate in his particularly annoying and whiney Sarrf Lundun accent that clinched it It just seemed wrongnnWhich brings me on to Cargo If the aforenamed duo were a boozer this would be it The place just does not add up Similarly to the odd couple its undeniably well finished and excellently presented but something just does not work It is partly it is location and almost definitely contributed to by it is vastness but when you go there you just cannot get comfortable It is awkward and does not endear you to stay I was in it during the Nations this year and have honestly never been in such an atmosphere deprived watering hole before or since There was a couple of guys on lap tops the barely audible hubbub of the other punters in the background and a dire need on my part to down my glass of Stella and GTF nAround the back of the downstairs room the seats are comfy but you cannot see anything because there is all these pillars in the way and they are not even real they are just for show It just does not make sense Unless you are a YP city type looking for a hideaway to suck copious quantities of coke up your drug ravaged beak they have no pointnnI must complement it on it is patio areabeergarden out by the canal It is an excellent summer hideaway and I someday intend to drunkenly humiliate myself there before stumbling home and yet again soiling myself while on the phone to the SamaritansnnAnyway I imagine Chez and Ash would feel right at home in the place it seems like it would be their bag That is if their inevitable and predictable demise had not got in the way first Boofuckinghoo