text: This place is an absolute nightmare I am in the market for a new gym but this place will not be it I arrived at Urban Active tonight at and asked to be added to the spinning class list for Nope it is fullyou should really get here minutes before the class starts Bwah Who has extra minutes in their day And they do not take phone signups either I shrugged it off and went to an ab class I am standing around waiting waiting minutes after the class was supposed to start we get called into a class but wait It seems like it is the tail end of another class We all do some planks and bicycle crunches The other class ends and the instructor tells them to be sure to get here early for tomorrows class last time SHE SAID SEVENTY people showed up After the class leaves she turns to us the ab class people and says thatthe class has been canceled FOR A MONTH At this point I am just in shock I should have walked out Instead I tell the front desk and they are unfazed and they assign me to a tour with MichellennSo I go on my tour with Michelle who informs me that my current gym is shit it is not it is just expensive it is actually the best gym in the city and the only place with a whirlpool and steam room for women It is the JCC if anyone is curious She insists it is shit again I had no idea that spa style wooden lockers and more expensive equipment were shit then becomes aggressive with me I am aware she is using a classic hyperaggressive sales pitch but I am not taking her seriously At when we started our tour there was a line for treadmills and for ellipticals oh and I saw the line from the first floor because Michelle never showed me the nd floor When I asked why there were not more machinesit was so busy she said oh well you are better off coming during the day Riiiight during the day Will she tell my boss I will not be making that pm meeting The locker rooms are very nofrills and the personal training desk was so tacky that it had individual credit card machines front and center of every chair nnBut really the icing on the cake and by now you are waiting for the juggernaut are not you was her casual antisemitism Yep She said that dozens of members of the JCC had been in today because it was closed What is up with being randomly closed all the time we are only closed on Christmas boasts Michelle Well Michelle it is not Columbus Day or Thirsty Thursdays which you seem to celebrate it is actually the freaking Jewish New Year and the kickoff leading up to Yom Kippur Someone should probably tell Michelle that Christmas is not a national holidaynnJoin this gym if only you are looking for a hookup scene or to snag a new date because it certainly has that in its favor