text: After being pleased with Cirque du Soliels Mystere I made the mistake of letting my winnings ride and I bet on another Cirque show Zumanity A show written for and apparently by confused hormonal eighthgraders nnA friend of mine has a favorite saying when he goes to strip clubs Let us not spoil it with words Anyone who has attempted to have a conversation with a stripper knows EXACTLY what he means Well someone should have given that advice to whomever conceived of Zumanity I have not seen such brainless lowbrow attempts at sexual humor and dialogue since I was in junior high school Zumanity makes the American Pie movies seem like works of Shakespeare nnThe MC of Zumanity is some overacted Dr Frankenfurteresque drag queen who was given to some awful trite little lines like Is not making love beautiful like he was addressing a gathering of th century Calvinists who need convincing that sexual pleasure will not land them a place in eternal damnation This audience paid good money to see topless women trapeze through the air You can safely skip the lecture The whole show was just an awkward mishmash of on one hand graceful and suggestive acrobatic performances and the other hand crass and overt sexual humor They need to pick a direction and stick with it just trying slap them together is a trainwreck If you are trying to lube us all up for a postshow hotel room fuck session then why have a confrontational old dragqueen up there making everyone is skin crawl The mass tightening of sphincters was nearly audible every time heshe made direct eye contact with the audience I am not exactly a prudeI managed to sit through an entire iceskating performance of Johnny Weir in a lace corset without writing my Congressmanbut I was shortstack of dimes for the entire minutes of this socalled erotica Even the obligatory orgy scene at the finale failed to register on the trusty ole BoneoMeter Yes the BoneoMeter makes a cameonnThere were a few redemptive moments when the incredible athletes took the spotlight and did their thing There was a stunning trapeze act with a guy swinging by one foot over the audience without a net an aerialbound female orgasm this one definitely got my attention and other mildly clever performances involving a pearly white ribbons hint hint and a cage match between male rivals But there was not enough of these acrobatic performances to save the show It is like they ran dry after a few good ideas and then just filled up the rest of the time with dick jokes