text: On the weird chance that someday I would get to meet the inventor of the soft serve icecream machine this is how our conversation would gonnSohow did the idea of a soft serve machine come to younnWell I was taking my dog Toots for a walk one day when all of a sudden he decides to shit all over Ed and Dolores Feinsteins front lawnnI was horrified nEds an attorney and he warned me about Toots shitting on his front lawn one more timehow he would come after us bothnHe did nThere Toots is happily shitting awaya huge creamy brown dump slowly oozing its way out when Ed comes flying out of the house with a broomnToots freaks and hauls ass without even pinching it off nAnd that was my inspirationnI thought if I ever invented an icecream machine I would want it to cleanly pinchoff unlike Toots who left a dashed trail across Ed and Doloress lawnnSo I guess we can thank Toots for the ideannMany thanks TootsnI used to love frozen yogurtwhen someone else was serving it upnNow that I have to serve it up all I can think about is how this machine was designed by some lunatic who managed to create a replica of his dog shitting on Ed and Dolores Feinsteins front lawn