text: It is that special occasion and you need a special restaurant nA place that will only serve to augment the nights festivities nnMexican and most other ethnic foods are out deciding early on how these foods will trigger your irritable bowel syndrome into becoming an otherworldly dynamo of farts nYou cannot have that after all it is a celebration nYou need something innocuous nA food that is filling but not too nAnd yes a meal that will not induce a garlic aroma that will level all of Scottsdale nnFish it is and where better to spend your hard earned cash than at a place so proud of its creations they charge you an arm and a leg for themnOnly you will soon learn an arm and a leg will not even cover the tip at this placenI give you Mastros Ocean ClubnnAn elegant atmosphere bustling with energy from all its young patrons eager to impress their date with a meal guaranteed to produce no illwanted side affects afterward nStart with the seafood tower appetizer This will cost you the price of that new Ipad you never bought yourself for Christmas because you were too worried about your kids getting something they would only sneer at nnMove on to the Salmon which if it is not from Copper River it should be since they have priced it that way I am conjecturing there is something unusual about it making it so pricey nMy guess is they find some Inuit kid post him up at one of those Alaskan rivers paying the little bastard big bucks to snatch a salmon from the mouth of a hungry grizzly Subsequently due to the klds funeral costs and reparations to his family they have to jackup the cost of the salmon nJust a theorynnAnd finally get ready to loosen that belt and finish up with one of their scrumptious desserts I did notnI could notnNot because I was full from the tower or the dead Eskimo kids legacy it was because I was out of coinage nDidnt have enough for the tipnAnd did not see a small cup of orange jello on the menu anywhere