text: Admittedly I had prepared to hate this place with a passion you only see in the moviesnnThe name just screamed flax seed and watercress saladnnNot that I am hating mind you I am sure the same people that just had a foodgasm thinking of flax seed and watercress will look right back at me and go raw fish chinesemexican fusion GROSS nnI just realized that is the first time I have ever used the word fusion to describe a restaurant I finally feel like I am grasping the intricacies of foodie lingo nnThe next test is to say the word shi shi in a sentence with a straight face nnWhen we sat down in the purgatory of warm earthy tonelaced interior design that was the restaurant the waiter informed us it was soul food night Normally when some restaurants say it is blank blank night that usually mean that is what the special is or that it is a bargain No at Urban Tea Loft Soul Food Night means that is all they are serving nnWe all ordered what we thought would be amusing forays into Chandler nightlife with a hint of elegance or some nonsense nnAfter browsing the extensive tea menu we settled on a pot of Rooibos Chai iced nnThe waiter brought out a pot of lukewarm tea and three glasses with ice in themnnKaynnI realize in retrospect that serving the ice separately was the wiser move but I remember feeling really confused at firstnnItd be like saying I would like that on the rocks please and the bartender gives you your drink in a martini glass and a shooter full of ice cubes and let us you at itnnActually that is not like what happened at all That is EXACTLY what they didnnIn its defense the tea was magnificent Fantastic really It was spicy creamy and smooth I almost wish we could have afforded to order more of it but we just had to try the food Stupid hungernnFor dollars I got a meager filet of shake and bake catfish a cup of watery coleslaw and a cornbread muffin And not even the puffy scrumptious muffins you find in grocery storesnnNo that was not to be my fate The muffin was barely poking out of its holder I remember being upset that for dollars they could not even be bothered to take it OUT OF THE FUCKING PAPER but I realized that was for the better the moment I took it out of the paper the muffin disintegrated into crumbs and I spent the rest of my meal spooning it upnnThe coleslaw was soggy Yes I said it Soggy I know right How can something that sits in mayonnaise all day be soggynnI DO NOT KNOW EITHERnnPerhaps I have been spoiled on British and German cole slaw but I expect it to have a bit of a crunch to it It is not boiled cabbage after all It is not wrong to expect some life in your slaw nnAnd not to call a tea loft that serves soul food unimaginative but cmon where is the creativity Where is the apple or pineapple chunks nnUsually with such a pretentious atmosphere you get a little experimentation with the menu to make it seem urbanizednnOh well nnThe catfish while crunchy and delicious just was not filling Again in their defense most places that serve fish try to gip sic you on itnnNo wonder people stick to Red Lobster It is corporate and soulless but at least you do not have to hit a drivethru on the way homennLook I know we live in a landlocked state but it is not like you are fishing for the damn thing yourself I do not see you out there with a harpoon Do not try to fucking fool mennMisty S got the vegetable plate for By far I think the best deal Sure it is just a bunch of little trays of sides and is even less filling than the aforementioned meat entree but you get twice as much of the New American feel and flavornnFun Fact Having spent my childhood in Europe I was raised to believe that fish does not count as meat and I still have a hard time remembering NOT to suggest sushi to my vegetarian friendsnnSo come for the tea and stay to pay for the bill BUT ONLY FOR THE TEAnnAnything else and you are just wasting your moneynnWhich cannot be that bad Everyone is doing it these daysnnAmirite GMC