text: Tubing down the Salt River was an experience comparable to floating down the River Styx from Greek Stux also meaning hate and detestation I feel like I not only circled the underworld nine times but got sucked into it and the ferryman Charon was a beerbong wielding assholennMy best girlfriend I got there when it opened at and the first part of our tubing experience was very pleasant but now I know it is only because at that point it was still too early for everyone else to have gotten sufficiently plastered We had our cooler tied between our two tubes and yes we had a few beers too but we were just looking to have a nice chill float down the river We met some cool people along the way hung out for a bit before we would drift on down our way A couple hours into it we stopped off at the side of the river and a group of twentysomethings mostly guys and a few girls had banked as well and asked if we wanted jello shots So we figured yeah cool hung out and drank with them for a bit But it turns out they are the type of people who feel like if they give you a bit of alcohol you owe them your freakin life At this point what I figure happened is these guys were looking to get laid when me and my girl went to bail they flipped out I was supposed to catch a late afternoon flight back to San Diego and she was supposed to go to work after dropping me off at the airport and these assholes fcked everything up They dumped our little tube with a tub on it which held all of our stuff cooler shorts sandals towels sunblock water everything And somehow sent our other tubes cascading down the river my girl managed to somehow retrieve her car key by some miracle at least By then I had gotten out of the water she swam back and joined me and one of the guys got in her face talking sht and looking like he was about to hit her which pissed both of us off so we started going off on them Then they called some sort of gang code that somebody else recognized to which they informed me and my girl we were fcking with the Hells Angels and we best step back At this point one of the guys girls still floating in the river starts yelling at me to which I simply yell SHUT UP and she did Smart move because I was livid nnAnyway they did not seem like any Hells Angels to me just some wannabe thugs who would been drinking all day but they were Hells something because they sure ruined our day on the River Styx So now me and her go to one of the firemen guys standing around at the side of the river and ask if they can help and they say they cannot do anything unless we are drowning Oh great we can nearly get beat down by these punks but unless we are drowning we are SOL They gave me this bullshit little compass thing but I did not need help finding my direction I needed help finding my hope in the general decency of humanity which had been swept down the river along with all of my belongings No compass was going to help me find thatnnAwhile later we encounter this group of hippies on a big raft who graciously scoop us up and ferry us to our pickup point down the river and these people were so kind and amazing compared to the drunks surrounding us plus the guy steering the thing looks like he could be Jesus They helped redeem a bit of my faith in the world especially when one of them gave me their oversized flip flops as mine had been lost and my feet were already badly cut upnnSo in retrospect was it an unforgettable experience Definitely Would I want to repeat it again Definitely not nnNow I know what spring break in Hell is like