helpless when someone you love is in pain is SO DAMNED FRUSTRATING. I went for a run to the woods with the intent of screaming my brains out but there were too many people around and I was worried about freaking them out. Instead I ran and sobbed like a nutbag. People still saw me, but it was quieter. I wish I'd said "screw it" and screamed. @H.E. Ladypants And yes to feeling like you have to rush to get back to life. I really wish I'd taken more time. I keep feeling pressure (I put on myself) to get "back to work" but my heart isn't in very much these days. @OhShesArtsy I'm so sorry about your friend. I have a good friend who is in a similar situation and feels that she wasn't close enough to a friend who died to publicly grieve his death. I lost a work colleague last year and still miss her even though we weren't conventionally close. I think that it is OK to grieve someone's loss and it is OK to realize that you were closer to that person than you thought. It's a testament, I think, to how interconnected we all are and how important friendships are (even the little ones). I am so glad you can express your loss here - death is hard and terrible and there are no rules for what kind of relationship you need to have in order to grieve someone. @OhShesArtsy I thought of my