think I want to leave that out for now because I can't bear to compare the chemistry level. Write soon. Hi Emily.  Ivan again.  Yes, I have ALL of the same feelings as you.  My situation is quite complicated and "the bedroom department" with my wife is CERTAINLY affected.  There are many levels to this however.  As I think I might have mentioned, she read some journal enteries that I had written fantasizing about J (my affair partner), so there is a HUGE trust issue from her point of view. To tell you the truth I'd been concentrating so much on the sex with J (which was incredible.  We just worked together) that I'd really neglected trying to focus any passion on my wife.  I can see how I wanted passion FROM her so badly and I never did very much to create it. On the other hand, it was just there with J.  It just was.  No asking for anything no trying to create anything.  It just was.  I wonder if she has that with her husband.  I suppose she must have created some passion because she got pregnant with his child right? Emily, I have all of the same thoughts as you.  I pushed her to see if she would leave without really knowing in my heart of hearts if I would.  I know you miss William and how you feel with him, but if you think you see him everywhere now, imagine if you'd been with him