made me feel suicidal. How it made my husband and I split up (secretly). How it caused me to go out and drink heavily and not come home at night. I see a photo of my Father and get so angry, I scream at the top of my lungs. I avoid speaking to family and friends b/c I cannot lie and say everything is okay. To have a dream job and have the rug pulled out underneath you in the worst way possible and go a little crazy b/c of it. To overeat and overspend to feel some of sort of control. Those are just a few of the things I don't openly share with the world. Until now. So, when you say I am strong, I don't believe it. I am not strong. I am weak and sad. I long to have things in my life that seem almost impossible: my father alive and a baby to carry on his legacy. I have been forever changed. That innocence and life without worry is gone. I now suffer from lots of pain (externally and internally) from the stress in my life. So, friends. I guess I need you. Not to say anything in particular. Not to feel sorry for me. I don't want your pity. I think I just need some of your strength. I will continue to wake up and get out of bed and feel like I accomplished something. I will keep fighting. I just needed to be