and we just 'get' each other (sorry if that sounds a bit naff). We make each other laugh we share the same interests and I just worship her. I dream of having a 'normal ' relationship with her like going the pictures or going for long walks (none of which me an my wife do...and that is because I dont want to) I said a month ago that I will do my upmost to leave within a month. The month has passed and I am still here. My whole life is an act at the moment and I feel as though I am running at about 10%. I have changed so much as a person (for the worse) certainly in the last 3 years when I got that horrible realisation that my feelings had gone to far. I just love her so much. But how can I hurt the mother of my children and the 2 kids I adore for my own happiness. Just to compound things, because of the nature of my business, the Credit Crunch has had a devastating impact on my finances. Then I think that I am not being fair on my wife by going through the motions and denying her the opportunity to be happy. It is a never ending circle of torture. Things are extremely strained at home and we both are very conscious of the situtation. My wife had an anon letter over a year ago stating that I am having an affair