shop.  Let's face it, it would be a bit of a giveaway if I went home with a book called 'Why Good People Have Affairs'!! I also looked at one about finding new love over the age of 40 -again, bit of a clue as to how I am feeling. If only it were easier to stand back from it all when it is happening -like we can years later. I feel so much turmoil myself now, wondering if I am going to end up with MM and if I should leave my marriage in any case.  I even planned a date earlier today -then by lunchtime I had gone off the idea.  It is such an enormous thing to leave a long term relationship -people have no idea when they make harsh judgements on what we have done or are doing.  It doesn't feel like we are making choices; rather that emotions are driving everything.  No wonder so many people make mistakes over splitting and live to regret it later. Phew, it is not easy.  Hope you feel a bit better this eve Suzzy, April x I know you are right April, just today it seems so hard to believe things will ever look better. But I have applied for a job today which is a start. with both my children at school now I need to fill the day. I will check out the bookshop as suggested. It does help to know you are not alone. I know