wife and have realized how terrible I've been treating her.  So now that I am faithful, but unsure, what is the best course?  Be honest about my doubts?  Suck it up and realize that this is the relationship I entered into before I knew myself at all?  Stop trying to get to know myself and what might really matter to me if that over-arching need to just be taken care of is gone and I can maybe be an equal in a relationship with someone? Have I done terrible things that I am ashamed of?  Oh yes.  But don't you think that the really "bad people" are the ones who never have any self-reflection and never grow? I'm all for hearing harsh words and frankly I haven't heard enough of them over the course of my life and have been coddled too much and allowed to get away with too much and had too much of a "woe is me" attitude.  And I agree that there isn't much always here in the way of solutions.  No one still really has a solution for me as to how I stop thinking about my affair partner and "what if?" and move on and simply love my wife. So please, if you have a solution, offer one up.  I want to be a faithful, compassionate husband with one woman.  I also want to be fulfilled in a marriage and have life-long lasting passion (which yes, I know it fades, but I do believe