you happy? Suzzy Hi all.  Ivan here.  Glad to hear that Emily and Suzy have made progress.  Sometimes I think I have and sometimes not.  I have not spoken to J in 3-4 weeks.  It seem like yesterday.  She called once to tell me she missed me but that's been it.  I keep writing an email and then never sending it.  I wish I could say that I have stopped thinking about her. I agree with Emily though.  I can see just how much pain having an affair has caused.  I know I acted terribly.  I wish I could say that I accepted myself and what I did and I that I am okay with myself, but I am not.  My wife is still terribly devestated and while I can see just how awfully I was behaving and how much pain I have caused I cannot say that all that I was feeling before has changed and I am now 100% in love and 100% convinced I am with the right person and 100% convinced that I wouldn't have been better with J. I am respecting my wife a lot more I hope.  But I wonder if I still don't FEEL all the way vested am I still just lying and cheating even though not physically.  And I still feel like I'm in love with J and I hate myself for that so how am I supposed to move on.  How am I supposed to get over here.  What good