Just want to share a part of my story. Hopefully some people will benefit from this information. At the age of 16 I got involved with a tricky set of habits. Firstly it was to try and act tough (peer pressure is such a silly but powerful thing.) Drugs became my jack of trades. Every weekend was a cocktail of XTC, Alcohol and Speed. All fun and so the habit formed. It eventually leaned to doing XTC on almost every weekend in varying amounts. Keeping this up untill around 18 I really was lost in a sense. Eventually the depression and panic attacks kept getting worse and worse leaving me with a very meager sense of selfworth and boundries. You could say I am a pretty ugly duckling, haven't met anyone yet with a larger head than mine. This really preyed on my self esteem and all those drugs were a way to escape my denial of who I really was. From there on things just got worse and worse untill the point I decided parties were kinda done for me. Got into weed heavily from there. Living in Holland and being able to get it easily really was a way for me to espace from myself once again. And sure, the dis ease was hidden again and came creeping up more and more with the years. Being always open for new things I luckily stumbled upon the self help community and started digesting material on a weekly basis. Firstly