experiences were a long time ago, and I doubt if a primagravida would be allowed to spend as long in labour as I was with my first. But I am glad that nothing was done to speed things up. My wife (I'm a bloke, not really called Betty) is due to give birth for the first time in a few weeks. She is more relaxed about the pain than I am! I am in absolute awe of her and all the other women who go through this. A baby's head? Out of that tiny gap? That's basically like squeezing a tennis ball out of the end of my [inappropriate word deleted], and there's no way on EARTH that I'm ever going to be doing that. I'd be screaming for the epidural before you could say "hole to hole ripping." To hell with nature. Basically, if I'm allowed to take a car to a man-made hospital rather than wander to a forest somewhere and give birth there then the nature ship has already sailed. But apparently my wife is all for it. She is fine, I am terrified. God, I don't even like thinking about it. The poor woman. This is less a comment than a rambling rant because I can't actually mention my horrific fears in front of her in case they destroy her Zen-like calm. This is the only chance I have got! But, honestly, there in the delivery room I will neither be use nor ornament as I