violent canyon and there was no sign of her. We rushed back to the car and drove downstream.. I jumped out and sent the others to call for help. I ran through thickets and black berry bushes and started upstream screaming out her name. I found her in a small pool off from the main creek. She was facedown. I dragged her up onto a rock and gave her mouth-to-mouth and pounded her chest, but inside me, I knew she was gone. I kept doing it in the desperate belief that she would come back to me. Roughly half an hour later an SES bloke found me. I feebly said to him,  "She s gunna be alright mate, isn t she?" He looked at her, then at me and gently eased me away. For the next three years or so I lived in a kind of foggy haze. I acted out of habit and I lost all sense of motivation and will. Emotionally moving away from friends and loved ones, I slipped into a dark sadness. Before this awful tragedy my eldest son and I shared a love of music and he, after some time, kept asking me to listen to a new band that he really liked. I was reluctant and disinterested but he persisted. He left me with a cassette in my car with instructions to listen to it. I ignored it until one day out of sheer guilt I played it. The first few tracks were ok