and acted upon it are the winners because they have done it now and will have to move on. Suzzy, I guess you were there but took a step back -I liken this to a bumpy landing on a flight when the wheels touch and lift, touch, lift, touch, stay...  Emily, your flight might not be landing but taking off again! Ivan, I think that the way to move on from the affair partner is learn to dislike her a bit.  You were projecting your ideal image onto her -if she was so good she would still be around.  You can move on, but I wonder if you need to leave your wife to do this.  That's why you cannot find the answer -cos it is not an easy option! Not that I am anyone to talk... April Wow, this thread is huge!  I have been trawling the internet for a while now looking for advice on affairs and now that I have found this thread it is too late.  It has moved on this afternoon and the wierdest bit is that I don't actually feel guilty.  J and I met about 7 years ago and had an affair then.  I was in a bad place at the time and didn't think I deserved to be considered number one and was happy with always being number two.  We eventually drifted apart as I couldn't continue in that situation.  Now in January this year, J has found me again via the