to find fault with anything in the prologue and first chapter. Most of my comments relate, boringly, to semi-colons. A very strong opening. In your long pitch "though it did not stop him crossing themselves behind mother's back." is not a complete sentence and does not belong after a semi-colon. Prologue The First "scarce disturbing the air in his throat" is wonderful. I really enjoyed the dialogue too. It's archaic but doesn't seem forced or awkward. "not one glimmer of light from the city below." does not make sense as a complete sentence so can't follow a semi-colon. The part with the spooky child (?) requesting a light in the fog is nice, and the weird dolls are a curious touch. The fog is described so beautifully and makes the reader chilled, if the scares weren't enough to do so. "Prince William, the fallen hero..." In this sentence, neither the part before or after the semi-colon can stand alone, so it's not the right punctuation. The idea that Prince William might have killed himself is put across smoothly . I became confused between these two chapters. I hoped the story would continue but it didn't. I liked following Captain Wolfe but I'm not sure that I fully understood which the first chapter proper was. Matters Pertaining "Less time than the author imagines; of that he is certain." This seems to be something of a paradox and the semi-colon isn't the right punctuation, I don't think. "or away promoting his work;"