year. I feel like a toddler now but I know that it takes alot of hard work. I love the conversation of choice vs disease vs selfmedication because it gives me some ammunition to help communicate with the addicts that I see in practice but so much of recovery is the support system we surround ourselves with and so many people dont have that. There are so many factors that lead to and support addiction-genetics, stress, coping mechanisms, craving etc that no matter how we define the cause I feel that the focus has to be on recovery. Since being in recovery I have lost 5 close friends to this disease. They all returned to the people, places and things that fueled their addiction. How do we affect those choices? How do we measure true surrender? I dont know? Hi Paul, Thanks for such a frank and intimate look at what's been going on in your life, and of course, congratulations. I remember very well that feeling of being a toddler -- it often felt like the terrain was so new and strange and it would be easy to fall because it was all so uneven...and yet it was wonderful. The air felt clear and fresh and full of life for the first time in ages. Thanks for your compliment about the blog -- and I'm glad it is helping you develop a conceptual framework/language for dealing with other addicts, in your case as a physician. I am also delighted