most often in touch with sooner rather than later that you are thinking of/going to separate and/or divorce.  At least that way you have some control over how they find out.  Your wife/husband may want to tell her/his own family, but don't count on it. Here are my tips for telling friends and family. Call them to say you want to discuss something important. Calmly and kindly decline to say anything on the phone.  Just say: "It is very personal and I would really like to tell you face-to-face." Ask them when would be a good time to meet/visit them. You would want to know that it is convenient to prevent it becoming more stressful than it already is. When you arrive and before you start, be sure that you have their attention - undisturbed - and that any children cannot overhear. I would suggest a gentle lead-in: "I wonder if you have been aware of our difficulties.." Then something like: "I have now decided that ...." Or "(name) wants a divorce".  Stop yourself saying anything negative about your partner at all cost.  It is best not to make any assumptions at this stage about who they are likely to support.  Also, if at a later stage the two of you are getting back together (every divorce lawyer will tell you it happens!) you would not want your spouse's relationship with everyone compromised. Expect a reaction (see step 3).  Just acknowledge that reaction, whether or not you understand it or