close enough to him to make amends. I have richly deserved this, for all that I was so unhappy because of his coldness and anger towards me and the breakdown of our physical relationship. He now says that he still loves me but does not want to live with me--we are nicer to each other than we have been for years but the existence of this baby puts a barrier between us which we will never overcome. I feel I was to some extent blinded to the shortcomings of my lover by my need for affection and intimacy and it was very stupid to look for such things with someone else instead of trying to sort out the problems in my marriage. After a certain point it was just too late to mend things and I have come to realise the full measure of what I threw away. I feel like just driving off a cliff most days but I have my children to consider. I don't know whether I would have been able to act differently if I had the chance to do it again, but I can't seem to get out of the mess I have made now and feel that I never will. May I just say when I took my marriage vows, I meant it from the bottom of my heart and have no intention to cheat or have an affair. I always thought its dishonest and very wrong to cheat on your partner but how