life together. My sister was living with her fiance for a while. His best friend was going through a divorce, and was staying there. While he was there, my sister and him fell for each other. They lost most of their friends, there was a lot of pain, but they loved each other, and made it through...  they have been married 10 years, have 3 wonderful kids and one of his from the first marriage and are very happy. I look at that and think, the effort would be worth it. If we can just get past the hard part, the rest would fall into place. I need some closure on this, and therefore have to see her. MAybe I will try to start drinking some red wine, does it help? DS Well, for me it is white wine, red gives me bad heads - actually too much white does too - perhaps should steer clear? hell no! Not so much of a help, but a blocking of emotions. You are in a bad state aren't you. I remember the panic feelings, thats how I lost so much weight, could not eat for them! I think, if you ca, and she is willing, meet up and really talk. its the only way but you must be prepared for her to not want what you do. If she feels you are not for her, have you thought what you wiill do at home? Suzzy x Suzzy, That is a really good