Now they want to ban mums and dads Schools are being ordered to drop the term "mum and dad" in case it offends pupils from a single-parent, homosexual or turkey-baster "family." Ed Balls, who runs the department of social engineering, also wants four-year-olds to be taught about same-sex relationships. Teachers should avoid telling boys to "be a man" or stop behaving like a "bunch of old women." And gay teachers are to be encouraged to discuss their private lives in class. Presumably, pupils should stop saying "Please, Sir" when they put their hands up because it may upset the sensibilities of any maths master going through gender reassignment therapy. And "Please, Miss" might cause a feminist headmistress to have a fit of the screaming ab-dabs and sue for com-pen-say-shun. Children who use the playground taunt "gay" - as in "those trainers are so gay" - will be treated the same as racists. Leave aside the fact that the first person I ever heard say "Oh, you're so gay" was a gay friend of mine. Any child suspected of discrimination will be punished severely under a code of "zero tolerance." The Government commissioned the homosexual pressure group Stonewall and some obscure outfit called Education Action Challenging Homophobia to draw up guidelines on acceptable behaviour in schools. Why not ask the Women's Institute or the Mothers' Union? Or Ann Widdecombe? If you ask something called Education Action Challenging Homophobia, you know what kind of answer you're going to get. For some unfathomable