they had also lost an immediate family member. They all just got this look on their face, and often they would quietly reveal to me that someone close to them had died X years ago. I actually found it incredibly comforting because they knew how I felt, for real, and they wanted me to know it. Those were also the people who were okay with me talking about it. I found that most of the people in my life who hadn't suffered some kind of catastrophic loss were not comfortable talking about it. There were a few exceptions, and I love them even more dearly for it, but I think one of the reasons people don't talk about it is because hearing it makes other people uncomfortable. I actually lost a friend because I refused to act like my brother who died had never existed, and any mention of him (even unrelated to his death -- a band comes up in conversation, I laugh and say " loved that band until they got popular and then he decided he hated them, and gave all their CDs to me!") made her so uncomfortable she either changed the subject or left. Jenna, thank you for writing this, and I'm sorry and I ache for you, even though I can't know how you feel. @FoxyRoxy yes, this. i often think it would be easier if we still adhered to victorian standards of mourning - because one of the roughest conversations i had to