critical. Ivan, You and I are very similiar in your talk of a spark or lack of. I too want to let go of the past but P keeps popping up - wish he would disappear. Still trying with husband but often seems one step forward two back. Really could not bet on this working but for now we try. They were both in the playground again yesterday, a united stand or a show for me? Will never know. All I do know is that things can not be much better there than here - must stop thinking about them as driving me mad. BB - how did the meet go? Emily/April - hows things? suzzy x The terms and conditions under which the site operates  are that it is a community supporting each other online only.  Hence the removal of the request for personal contact with another member of the community. Am so confused at the moment, Matt has made it clear that I am a part of his past but I just don't understand how I'm here, at this point in life. AKS Hi Suzzy We had a very open, honest and love affirming meeting last night. P has fears about the effect my guilt will have on our(potential) future together and I admitted that I really dont know how just how hard I am going to find it. I explained that it has taken me all of my resolve and soul searching to get to the point