Taming The Monster-In-Law Monday, February 23, 2009 Pallavi Bhattacharya Indian mothers are renowned for the loving kindness. In fact, the mother figure is deified and worshipped as Ma Durga. So why does the same mother often act hostile to her daughter-in-law? Psychologist, Chrisann Almeida, in an interview with Pallavi Bhattacharya, explores the aspects that may give rise to an unhealthy saas-bahu relationship. There's no fixed formula for an ideal saas-bahu relationship. But there are things that the daughter-in-law, father-in-law and husband can do to turn even a difficult mother-in-law into an amicable one. After all, mothers-in-law are not necessarily monsters-in-law. It is often said that of all your in-laws the mother-in-law is the most difficult to win over/please. Why is this so? In most cases, the mother is always the primary caretaker of a son since he was a child, so it's the mother in the family who has the deepest emotional investment in her son. Hence it is the mother-in-law who is most likely to be mistrustful of her daughter-in-law as she is a new member she is entrusting the life of their son to. What are the most common problems one faces with the mother-in-law? Because of the level of emotional investment, a common problem is a sense of competition for attention and affection of the son. The other is power - control of decisions - since the mother once again was the main decision maker in the person's life before a spouse was added to the equation,