have met someone who I love. It really is that simple unfortunately. I shall leave the science to others better qualified. BB Hi All, Emily, good to have an update!  I am absoulutely with you on the view of how your marriage is.  I too can feel so 'comfortable' at times.  Then something happens - I get a put-down or feel alone because my husband will never do things with me -and I suddenly think maybe I don't want this, even though it is comfortable, when this other person loves me so much. IT feels strange, but my instincts tell me I will end up with my lover [who I knew many years ago -we just bumped into each other one day and couldn't stop talking...] No plan behind it at all -in response to those who think we plan to feel like this. To Dave A, your posting is more coherent and useful today -I agree with the addiction thing.  And, I know what you mean about the normalisation -I have become used to running more than one intimate relationship albeit that up until recently my other was a gay man.  But it has become 'normal' for me to have this extra aspect. To those who talk of the 'passion' and 'spark' I do know what you are saying, but I think we have to be really wary of this.  That spark does go and you need to have personalities that fit together -I think anyway.  I too have