I am back. Saw some new posts here but all similar story. Update on my situation: I am doing much better now. I have thought A LOT and read A LOT in the past weeks. Here is what I stand now: I have accept and convinced myself: I made mistake, it was wrong to have the affair. It took time for me to realize and admit it. Back a few weeks ago. When I initially posted here, although I may also said: "I know it is wrong", but it was not from my heart. I did not think it is wrong because I had my own reasons-the excuse. I did not want to agree it was a bad behavior. I am not trying to offend anyone here. I am just sharing the painful journey that I have gone through. Yesterday I was watching a movie for kids with my son, the movie was trying tell kids that everyone has to follow certain rules to protect themselves, for example you have to follow the traffic law when you drive, otherwise, you will get hurt or be punished. Things like that simple stuff for grade level kids. It made me think the invisible rules that have been setup in our society -- the moral standards that have been developed or recognized in the human history -- it is just the way it will work, everyone suppose to follow. For people who are married, we need to follow the rule to be faithful,