own counselling sessions during my affair. We need to have belief in ourselves but I find that so hard especially now. Truely believe I only married my h as I felt no-one else would have me, so I settled for less than true love. My affair gave me loads of confidence and the love and passion I had always craved... but despite saying he would always be there for me, he is not. So maybe my choice of h was not so bad... but not sure. We need a life manual............. Suzzy What the hell is the matter with me... Crying again, no idea what has started this. Just dont know what to do. I miss P, everything about our relationship. I even miss her friendship. Could never have had both, wish I had him. What happened to the strong suzzy who was a few weeks back prepared to go it alone... Now I just feel lonely. Is anyone about? Suzzy x Oh dear Suzzy, it is such an up and down thing isn't it?  The turmoil and trauma.  While I realise you really miss P it would be so much better if you focus on how not good for you he was.  He really doesn't deserve to get you back.  I think you should go look at the 'love and marriage' section in a bookshop.  There are loads of manuals on how to get through this kind of thing -to be honest I read bits of them in the