though I told her when she came back that I would.  I guess my inaction over two years made her doubt me.  When I told her that she never really made me believe 100% either, she said "yes, but you're the man".  I guess I was weak and scared and guilty, and... Of cours now I'm stuck in this inbetween state.  She's gone, but I can't move on and therefore can't put 100% of my focus on my wife where I should have had it all along.  Like someone (I think DS?) said, how can we really see if we aren't fully committed? Oh, and Emily, yeah, unfortunately guys "stalk" too!  I'd been doing really well, but then once I logged back in here to see how everyone was doing, it all came rushing back and I realized I hadn't really moved very far along. Alright enough rambling.  BB, good luck and keep us informed! Ivan - Just read your above and I agree with every single word. I havent got much time to reply in full but reading it was like looking at a mirror image of myself. I TOTALLY GET YOU... I am getting closer, however what seems to be my final hurdle is that money is a big big issue now. I started my business about 6yrs ago and from being employed earning an average wage I started earning very good money and being my own boss and in regards to my business plan things were looking