11. I have always helped contribute within the relationship financially very well. I feel now I have built this wall up between me and him. I can't stand for him to touch me, kiss me or even become intimate with me. This makes him more upset with me and yells whatever sort of abuse that comes to his head. I feel he is getting worse even though on medication. I feel so helpless. I wish I could leave, but feel I don't have the strength to walk away. Hi...I must say these posts are concerning, yours more than the others to me. You have definantly touched a nerve. Maybe you could get some private counseling from a battered spouses house? I don't know what types of resources you have in your town. My husband committed suicide in front of me years ago. I had two little boys at the time, six and two. These sons are definantly affected by the act. They are grown men now, but the older one hates me because he feels like its my fault his dad is gone. I am someone to blame. The guilt almost ate me alive; I got involved in an abusive relationship, which didn't help anything. What I have learned? Our children are sponges. They watch everything we do, they soak up every experience we have. My heart goes out to you ma'am, but also to your kids. Please try to find the courage to run (not walk), away from this