through.  I loved Matt, I love him still.  He's so confused and mixed up but I just want to put my arms around him and hold him and make it all go away. I can't believe he doesn't still love me. I just can't believe it, I truly believe that he meant what he said. But it's possible he's not as honest and open as I thought he was I guess. I've met a wonderful friend who's a lot lot younger than me, a guy - but he's so wise.  He said that we were trying to anchor one another in our difficult circumstances and we just ended up dragging eachother across the ocean floor.  We are certainly both battered and bruised.  I hope I continue to feel more and more ambivalent towards him like you, Emily.  I want to see him realistically, as someone who can never make me happy.  Because even if he wanted to I don't think he has the capacity, he's too damaged from his previous failed relationships. I haven't contacted him since last Wednesday so that's progress.  I called him and asked him if we could meet to discuss a couple of things as a means to helping me to let go.  So he agreed we could meet on Saturday.  However, on Friday night he phoned me to ask me if Friday night would be better - either he wanted to see me sooner (that's what I'd hoped, foolishly) or he wanted Saturday clear for