stopped the affair and we tried to patch up the ruins of our marriage, sometimes it was good but he was very possessive and controlling, he was always worried that I would get him back for what he did and I was beginning to resent him.  I started to think of myself and decided that I was going to lose weight and I began to build some confidence, something he hated.  Its been nearly 3 years since his affair and I finally had enough of his ways and asked him to leave last October.  It was really hard to do but I did it and now I am more happier. Emily, I think your wrong in saying that your not strong enough to go it alone, I think it just scares you.  Unfortunately, how this sounds to me is that you settled for second best in marrying your husband,  probably because he made you feel secure and safe.  You sound like you crave the wild life but only if you have a security blanket to catch you should you fall.  Its not fair on both of you, but to be honest I think that hes not stupid and he knows the real reason you married him, he also probably knows that your not really that happy, hes probably just as scared as you. The only other thing I want to say to both of you is that your children are growing up thinking that this is what marriage is like