yup i live in that world too... it's a little life wrecking sometimes. I love my life too, but I know that fantasies are strange and can do weird things. I'd say, try a whole lot of things and ask the people that are closest to you their advice- what they noticed you had a lot of fun in, and decide for yourself as well. You don't even have to choose one forever, i mean you can be whatever you want to be. Careers are temporary if you want them to be. Your namesake was the same. She was told that John Smith had died (his idea) when he wanted to return to England. She married another Englishman and came to England with him, met Smith again, and died. Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense I know exactly how you feel. I was lost for the longest time. but then I realized something: I don't need to pick my ONE career. I can do a crap load of things whenever I want. my mom was a singer, then went to theater, then worked in a office building, then was a cook, then became a teacher! she became a teacher at the age of 40! don't