list as he is 77 and very old school. he loves his grandchildren and my wife immensely. She treats him like her own Dad. My counsillor says I have no ownership of peoples reactions or perceptions and he is right. He also states that (apart from our close family) people will hear the news, talk about it for a bit and then will ask whats for lunch? I feel I am over the hurdle of peoples reactions bit now as I feel so low I could not give 2 hoots what people think. However I do care what my wife and kids think and I am afraid that is not going to be nice. Unless you have been in this position (like us) you could not possibly understand the turmoil. I hope I manage to do it so I can come on the board and pour my heart out to you guys and give you all an insight into the next step... Take care everyone .. will post soon... Wish me luck BB Oh my God!  Emily, its like you are reading my mind!  I feel exactly like you.  I miss that passion I had with J SO much.  Its like I'm starving without it.  I feel I have been so horrific to my wife and I am really now trying to be much kinder and loving and actually succeeding to a certain degree.  I think I respect her more.  But at the same time I miss that passion.  Its