flirt with you/maintain an ego stroke but nothing happens it's because they're enjoying it but don't want to progress it but don't want you to know that they don't want to progress it. men- and women, to be fair -- can enjoy flirting, attraction and the buzz of seduction without actually wanting to see it through. i know i've done it though not to the ridiculous extremes of lavender's case. we need to keep our feet in reality and not go attributing to the person all kinds of qualities (shyness, fear of rejection, all kinds of complicated feelings) to explain why they don't want to take the next step. just accept that they don't want it and move along. a more worthwhile question is why we burn up our time and energy on someone who is messing us about. what is it about that dynamic which is attractive to us? cos i think a person with good boundaries and solid self-esteem wouldn't give these jackasses the time of day. do we even recognise when we're being jerked around? Thanks Nat, you're so spot on. What's funny about life is that you can live through it and not see your own situation clearly. I think your brother is right too. I wasn't exaggerating when I said it would be about 30 texts on the way home, sometimes more and he would sit about one or two metres away and be texting me. I would look up and see him staring at