It's very hard to earn a decent living on this earth I'd tried my hand at almost every trade Until someone advised me, I should go upon the stage And just to prove that I am not afraid I've come to sing a song to you, this evening And I expect a big hit I shall make In case you do not like it, I shall leave you my address Come round and cut yourself a piece of cake! Now honesty is quite the proper policy, I've heard Today, I found a purse just at my feet I looked inside and there I chanced to notice an address So I took it to the owner down the street I gave him back his purse and said, 'I found it And what reward do you intend to make?' He gave to me his photograph, and said, 'Before you go, Come in and cut yourself a piece of cake.' This morning, when I'd shaved myself, I put my razor down Then turned around to put my collar on When suddenly the baby in the corner gave a shout I said, 'What ever is the matter John?' He said, 'I'm looking for my little finger.' When I looked at his hand it made me quake I said, 'Why! you've been playing with my razor.' He said, 'Yes, I've been trying to cut myself a piece of cake.' I used to be a club-man, and I once was on my round A lady came