you ladies and I wouldnt do that, we are all capable of falling for someone whether we are in a relationship or not. I just feel that you would both be happier without any man in your lives right now, I know its hard, I have been there twice for my sins and every time its not been easy.  But you learn to cope with it and you muddle through.  It does get easier on that front. Anon DB, I think you know what you have to do here but waiting for a man who is clearly never going to leave his wife for you is not the answer, you have to start being brave and face up to reality.  Tell him that hes not welcome in your home if his wife isnt with him or if your husband isnt home.  You are giving him the best of both worlds.  Time to look after yourself. Emilysmiles, ok you seem to have sorted out in your head that this other guy isnt the answer but you still have to face the fact that you are not truely happy in your fundamentally happy marriage, you should try talking to your husband, tell him that things have to change think of ways to bring some excitement into your marriage or it will be in trouble.  Maybe hes not happy either or he can sense that your not but maybe too scared to talk to you about it.  I hope that you can find