risk. It seems to me that there are relevant issues to do with the enquirer's fear of HIV and his ruling out of a relationship with someone who has HIV. I imagine there would be a lot of unpacking to do here. But from what I read I don't warm to either of the two men in this failed relationship. Both of them seem callous and selfish (or at least self-absorbed) to me. There isn't anything about the difficulty of disclosure and the attitude of the questioner. By the way, I do not have HIV, but know many wonderful men who (unfortunately) do. Good advice, but I am generally confused: How could this man's lover keep his status from him for two years? I assume he was on retro-viral drugs, which have to be taken regularly. How could he keep them a secret. Did they live together? Did they ever go on holiday? I hate to jump to conclusions but I cannot imagine them having a close relationship if his partner was able to conceal his status. Good advice from Pamela on a sensitive issue. The non-disclosure by many gay HIV+ people in my experience is due to discrimination within the gay community which often is worse than in the general population. If safe sex is adhered to it is a non-issue and we should ALL be treating every partner gay or straight as potentially HIV+. If the issue was not wanting to deal with his partner being potentially terminally