that if you begin with that spark you can keep it going and revive it, but what if you never had it to begin with)? So I guess what I am saying is that I, for one, welcome your thoughts and critiques and welcome you to tell me that I'm full of shit and to focus on what's really important.  If you have solutions, offer them up.  But please, don't give me this diatribe about 21 Universal Drives or the conflict of Mother Nature and Humanity.  Tell me HOW to stop this war going on within myself.  Tell me HOW to move on from my past and the hurtful and detremental (to myself as well by the way) things that I have done and tell me HOW to find the intimacy and happiness and passion that I crave. By the way, I'm not sure if I'm like the others, but you said that if we want to really fix stuff, we'd do better reading intro to psych (and that you don't like shrinks but you like counsellors) or getting a few books on relationships from the library.  Well, I have COUNTLESS books on relationships and I've read quite a bit of psychology.  I'm not exactly sure of your distinction between shrinks and counsellors, but I am seeing a therapist and working on myself from that angle as well.  If there is another step that you feel that would be good to take I'm all ears.  Even if its harsh or