to offer the love, which is what I am writing to do. @barnhouse Ahh this struck a chord. I failed at being there for someone once: a close relative of his had died, and knowing myself to be terrible at coping with other people's pain, I didn't go to the open-casket-in-house wake with him, because I thought, what would be worse than him having to comfort ME at his time of loss. Turns out not being there was worse, but he didn't have the words to tell me at the time. @barnhouse I think the idea that we will always make it worse is very true. The sad thing is that when there is no appropriate outlet for those feelings everyone get when a death (of anyone, not just babies) occurs, they somehow become translated into feelings of shame. There is no reason to be ashamed of feeling sad. Everyone experiences grief differently. If someone is grieving, so often you don't have to say a word. Instead just allow them to talk it out if that's what they need. I know I've had people tell me they don't know what to say. I think its ridiculous to expect someone to know exactly what to say. I would never consider myself a reasonable person for holding it against someone if they said the wrong thing during this experience. I know its horribly awkward, but there really is never the right thing to say. Honestly, the people who have listened and cried