to me to say that she Was very short of money, so I whispered, 'Never mind.' Then I kissed her twice, and took her on my knee A man came to the door and shouted, 'Got yer.' Now what excuse do you intend to make?' When he said, 'I'm her husband.' I said, 'Fancy meeting you Come in and cut yourself a piece of cake.' The other day, I watched some ladies, swimming round about I got as interested as can be Till someone came behind me and gave me a gentle push And then a champion swimmer rescued me I said to him, 'You've saved my life, young fellah How can I pay you back for goodness sake?' When he said, 'Do not mention it.' I said, 'Oh that be hanged Come in and cut yourself a piece of cake. Last Christmas Eve, I went to bed and got beneath the sheets And just as soon as I commenced to snore I heard a funny noise and as I jumped up out of bed I saw a burglar, at the pantry door When I said, 'Who are you?' he said, 'A burglar, And as I find there's nothing much to take, I'm looking in the cupboard, if you've got a decent knife I'd like to cut myself a piece of cake.' A widow cleaner came to clean our windows, sad to say He missed his foot and fell down to the floor They took him to the hospital just