he feels or whether he's tried to be kind and is protecting me.  But I saw him this week and whilst I knew it was over between us I could see nothing but love in his eyes for me. This is the most painful thing I've ever had to deal with in my life - it's so acute it takes my breath away. AKS Sorry me again - the other thing he threw at me is that he (Matt) believes in fate.  To me that seems lazy, what will be will be, take it as it comes... My mind-set is that anything worthwhile needs to be worked at, fought for.  You make your own fate don't you, up to a point?  It hurts me so much that he's just sitting back and giving up.  He says I'm the right person, wrong time - how can he just walk away from the right person?  I want to accuse him of being a coward.  But he's not, he's a real man's man and I love that about him.  He has so much happening in his life, his relationship has just broken up (not because of me, he says) and he needs to prove to himself that he can survive as a single man and not self-destruct as is his tendency. It could be he can't handle the fact that I have been married a long time and have a huge history with my family.  I don't know.  I am reluctant to be