owned by another man but I would give myself to him without hesitation if I felt he was committed to me.  And he could only do that if he truly loved me. Maybe that's what it all boils down to and that's what I have to accept and face up to.  He just doesn't love me enough. It's difficult though because I am now in a limbo with my husband (P).  Without Matt in my life I feel aimless and so sad.  I need a friend and my husband has always been the person I turn to in times of trouble. He is a rock, he's dependable and he adores me.  He doesn't know about Matt specifically but he knows enough to know that our marriage is in crisis, maybe terminal. So I've given P some time to prove himself to me, to prove that he wants me and that he's prepared to put me first once again in his life.  I'm committing myself to nothing as I want to see what happens, and I've moved out of the family residence.  But if P comes through and wins me back then that's a wonderful outcome.  Whether I have the will to put in the required effort to be everything I should be as a wife for him is another matter, and something I have to face.  When I think of making an effort with P all I think about is that it would be so easy with Matt, so natural