like her confidence is high right now, and she is very secure with herself... but I think all it is going to take is to date someone or a few people, realize that it is not easy, or to go through dating someone and a break up, and my phone will be ringing. I am still in a place where I want it to ring, but realize now that ours was a very unhealthy relationship based on things that are not sustainable in the light of day. Behind closed doors, where no one else sees, it is like you can be someone else, live out your fantasies, and all is well. My counselor said I changed the rules... because I put it on the table, and told her I am leaving and want her and only her, it changed the game. And I guess she is right. Either way, I still want to call her, talk to her, see her again.. though now I am being advised not to, which in the long run, is probably for the best. I am also in the same boat about trying to understand how I feel about my wife. She loves me, and has stood by me through all of my pulling away, being distant and not communicating. Perhaps I owe it to her and to myself to, for once, committ to trying. Put myself into it with the same passion and committment I was putting into the affair and see what happens.