ugliness out of me. NDP's are already ugly. When they ask us to mirror their ugliness and we do...that's when my self respect flew out the window. I even was unkind about his ex who I know is more sick and hurt than me. Instead of being the 'girls girl' that I am...I got so involved with his sickness that i wanted to be mean about a girl who is as hurt as us. I am mortified. THAT IS NOT WHO I AM. Thank you Melanie for reminding us that we are innately kind and not ugly. yes it is so true that we so easily become who 'we are not' when caught in the narcissistic muck -- and it is such a wonderful relief when we do drop it and start aligning with 'who we are' (creating this)... i read with increasing interest the many contributors to your wisdom. I wonder if sometimes im the one at fault . Am i the smothering contoling person ? May be this is justthe feeling i failed to save the narcasisst. i wasnt good enough . I didnt have what it would take to save them from their victim story.? self reflection is sometimes usefull but its a struggle on some days and a breeze on others. Thanks Mel it growth and learning . great question -- and the answer is a resounding 'yes!' -- when we are connected to ANYONE trying to fix them and change them in order to make