can to help you. Sorry if I've rambled on a bit. Please take care and also let us know how you and your granddad are getting on. Best wishes to you and you family, regards Brian You havent rambled on at all, its nice to have people replying to me and making me feel less alone, im glad to hear about your recovery! I know its not his fault but part of me wishes id done more to make him go earlier and im full of anger that i dont know how to express. My grandad has gone in for an operation today to clear his food pipe which was being blocked by the tumour, so we are now waiting for news about how the op went if all goes well hopefully he will be able to eat again and put some weight back on. You are completley right with the way im feeling about talking to my family, its such a stressful time especially for my mum that i dont feel she will be able to cope if i tell her how i feel. Hope your grandad's op helps him to eat again. A worrying time for all the family but glad he is able to have treatment and my thoughts are with you. By the way when I get angry I write it all down and then throw it away. Don't know why but I find this helps to clear my mind an d then I concentrate on