to stay in my marriage or really dedicate myself to being with her), she broke it off and I was devastated.  Eventually she missed me too and came back, but in the meantime had become pregnant with her husband's child.  I desperately then told her that I would leave my marriage if she only got an abortion and left her husband which of course by that point had become much much harder (and because I had waited so long she didn't really believe me anyway). In the meantime, my wife found some emails I had written to myself as a journal and read all about how I was fantasizing/thinking about leaving and about my thoughts. My life is now hell.  My wife is barely speaking to me and I have lost the opportunity to leave as she is staying and having her baby. Be careful.  I feel for all of you and I wish you all the best.  Be careful.  I have devastated a wonderful woman and lost any opportunity to leave with any grace anyway. Please be careful I beg of you all. Hi to the writer above, thank you for writing in. It is good to hear from a man's point of view because we women tend to find men are difficult to read as they are not very expressive in words. Two years is rather a long time to have an affair without being found out and if it drags on for as long as two years,