having his child.  And I can't really believe this is me and not some Jerry Springer show or something. And I couldn't really make the choice NOT to be with her either.  She had to do that.  And in the meantime my wife found out I'd been fantasizing about her.  I couldn't be strong enough to make either decision and now I'm in hell. I feel all of your pain, I really do.  This can definately happen to a man and in my case, it has devasted me.  Although I have, myself, made a mess of this situation and pushed away one woman and been completely careless with the feelings of another. All I'm saying is I hope that you all will be stronger than me and decide what is best for you or at least what seems like the best option.  I only wish that I had been able to make a choice and leave the dignity of these two women (and my own in fact) intact and be kind to all involved.  I'm so lost as to how to regain any of that right now. CrazyIvan, For your situation. I am not sure why you stay in your marriage if you do not have feelings for your wife and you do not have kids (do not recall you mention you have), maybe you missed this woman you love now, but you may find someone better in the future and make sure you are single and available before you