but people's system of morals and boundaries is 99% done developing by adulthood. Ever notice how many "recovered" or "born again" people tend to fall off the wagon again and again? They're trying to fight their basic instincts, their values, and defy their personal logic/integrity. Old habits die hard... but in actality, they usually just get supressed. ...In the end, it's fairly simple: If you want to be married and faithful, you set boundaries and stick to them. That will be different for everyone, but obvious places to start are avoiding going out with single friends/coworkers who will be looking to hook up. Avoiding alcohol when you're in social situations without your spouse is also a good idea. Socializing with former lovers is out of the question. Some people get that; a LOT of people don't. This is probably a stupid question....but can the BS be in some kind of fog too? My H is very remorseful and is adamant I now have the truth, he is doing every thing he can, passwords, full disclosure and transparency. He didn't have an affair but a a couple of ONS away with work. He says it was too much drink and the opportunity for sex, which he wasn't getting much from me at that time. I do not take responsibility for that, he needed to make changes. Anyhow, when you decide to R, how do you know you aren't in some kind of fog.....how do you know they aren't just spinning yarns,