read up on things and see the suggestion that we keep repeating our mistakes by going for the same types.  I have always tried to 'help and support' people -so end up taking in all manner of waif and stray cos I feeel sorry for them.  But, while it fills my need to love, I don't get much back as they turn out to be self centred.  -This is actually how I got to be with my husband -he was very ill and I cared for him -so much it cost me my first marriage. The new man -yet old friend- is very strong and does not 'need' me in this way -he is always asking about what I would like/want! Nobody ever did that before!!  That includes my gay best friend -I serve him as a 'faghag' [he is v. needy] but when I want something he is often too busy... Ahhh, what to do... If only it were as simple as moving out and learning to be on my own for a bit -which I know makes sense.  But as so many of us find, that is just so hard when we actually do care for those we are with, We truly have a dilemma and there is no simple solution. April Hello all, IVAN here.  I would like to reply to DaveAngel, but first wanted to say something about April's post above.  I wholeheartedly believe that we can not base our decision on who to be with