go when there really wasn't- I had him in just 2.5 hours- so I went down the "this is so painful and I won't cope for much longer" route, wasting so much energy on focussing on the pain and panicking. My second I had at home and with the knowledge that I *could* cope, coupled with the feeling of being in control, the ability to walk around and be in any position I wanted, the pain was totally managable. I didn't have pain relief for either birth but coped so much better with the second. For me the key was that in hospital, I had to fit in with procedure, and at home, I just listened to my body. Women should not be made to feel that pain relief means they have failed, but they should be supported to give birth in the way that works for them. Not had a baby. Not interested in having any. It isn't the pain that is terrifying but the fear of damage: severe tearing, incontinence, medical interventions (sometimes described as medical rape), being left alone and in pain, being talked down to by medical staff..... it all just sounds too horrifying to imagine going anywhere near it. Most terrifying of all is the emergency c-section.... major surgery! Yikes, don't we normally suggest people try to arrange their lives so as to avoid major surgery? After two days of contractions which went nowhere, using a tens machine and gas and air and being exhausted