can't go to family functions, parties, or dinners, and my son always asks Hailey, "Why isn't daddy going with us?" My heart shatters when they leave, and then... I'm alone. One of the worst parts about all this is the looming fear that I'm going to pass my strange behavior and limited existence on to my son. The thought of this haunts me day and night, and pokes at me in my nightmares on the rare occasion I sleep. Yes... It is harder with kids. However, there is an upside, and it's a good one. I draw a lot of strength from Chris. Strength from his love for me, and mine for him. Strength from fear (reasonable or not) -- that if I don't handle my ailments properly, I'll pass them on to my son. I don't want him to be mentally ill like me, but it's possible. He's genetically pre-disposed, and the world's not getting any easier to handle. I find strength from the idea that I might set a good example on how to live with psychological disorders. I'll never be "normal," but because I'm a daddy, I strive to be the best mentally ill person I can be. My attitude's a lot different than it was a year ago. You might say I've come a long way, and it has so much to do with the fact that I have this special little boy in my life counting on me. I won't let him down. I wish