is sexually repressed but don't have them express their sexuality -- the imagination is better. 7) Invent new words. Go for sound not meaning. And you don't need a glossary at the end of your book to explain them -- if the reader doesn't get it, too bad! He will put it down to art. Write at least 1000 pages. After the publisher's cuts, it should not be less than 500 pages. A heavy tome is always authoritative. Also the reader will never finish it, so it will remain a mountain to be conquered, a masterpiece to be returned to time and again, in frustration. 9) Don't publicize the book. Just make sure it has some scandal attached to it (charges of nihilism, sedition or sexual deviancy would work). 10) Print a limited run of 100 copies, give them away free to people who are looking for a hook or platform to further their own literary careers, then sit back or get on with your regular writing and watch your book become the stuff of legend. Better yet, say it's out of print and have readers scramble to get their hands on a copy. In the end, if the reader does not understand your novel, he will put it down to the superior intellect of the writer and your work will be hailed as a classic, only to be read in small doses by scholars.