us happy, against their will -- we ARE being controlling! This is what co-dependents do! Oh yes -- and there is another belief "I failed' because I didn't 'win' (make it right) -- boy that was a HUGE one for my previous egoic self! And 'I wasn't good enough to succeed / be loved' etc. etc.. Okay so why is self-reflection a struggle, when it grants you the key to identify your inner programs that aren't serving you and THEN you can find the vehicle to release / heal them? What I sense Kenn is you are really hard on you. Truly when you replace 'self-judgement' with 'self-fascination' (WOW! Now I understand why I have been playing that out!) you will easily flow into what you need to do to change your Inner Programs, heal, and not need to keep living out the painful patterns and outcomes... And that is to be gloriously and excitedly embraced -- not feared or 'judged'... Because after all you are human -- like all of us you have unhealed parts -- and we actually need to have these unhealed parts otherwise we would never grow... This really helped me today Mel, and I think I have turned that corner in the last two weeks, after I was attacked by my manager, who I now see is narcissistic in her pathology, and then accused of violently attacking her. She even rang up my other employer and tried to smear me to her, but my employer