you). I'd just like to add that I'm living proof that not everyone who has an affair goes looking for one - and as someone said earlier people often stay to try and protect other people despite how ironic that sounds. I'm pleased I found this thread and website To the above, I am glad you found it -I have to say it has become a comfort to me too and a good place to air some thoughts. I was thinking of late about how bad we feel when we are unfaithful and yet how bad it is when we are betrayed.  One of my awful memories of my lover betraying me was that I had done the same to my husband.  So I felt the hurt and yet caused it just the same.  A double blow.  Suzzy and Emilysmiles, I think this is how it is for you too? Guilt and misery! The other thing that I was thinking is that awful dilemma -as Emilysmiles and perhaps the above find themselves in- where there is someone we love, but we just know that it is too good to be true.  The reallity of such a man coping with our children when the chips are down and real life sets in... not so romantic then -and as they are not his children will he really stay...? [this is one reason why I did not leave my marriage when it happened to me -and look how lucky that turned out to