about his dodgy past. Addictions and cheating from both sides of his dysfunctional marriage. He also told me about the tonnes of counselling, rehab and 12 step programme that has helped him turn his life around. I see evidence that he maintains his introspection. If you put his past to one side he ticks all the boxes. I have my new baseline for how relationships should be and he exceeds it. I could go on and on but i'll just start gushing. I am his priority and I feel like someone has my back for the first time in my life. A few weeks ago I couldn't be happier, plus I felt him nudging me out of my uncomfortable comfort zone and it felt horrible yet healthy at the same time. Then the selfish b$$&!"* went and proposed (very romantically surrounded by a day of wonderful stuff gush gush). The next morning I woke up very early and panic hit. I relived all the pain and horrible feelings of my last relationship and became a mess! I've been struck (or rather struck myself) with a hard dose of anxiety couple with vicious cycle of self-sabotage. Not just the relationship but all the things I had bought into my life that I have built up for myself. I have sat and raked over whether I am missing some external evidence that I'm not acknowledging knowing that the 'thinking session' might mean the end of the relationship and not come up with