How to have a good relationship A summary of the research evidence, by Dr Bob Rich Love in the bank: the 5:1 rule Every relationship involves problems and conflict. Trading in one partner for another is freeing yourself from one set of problems, and taking on another set. Choosing to live alone also has its problems. So, the trick is to have a good relationship DESPITE the problems that arise. Research by John Gottman and many others has shown that it is possible to "put love in the bank." When the conflicts arise, you can survive them and maintain a good relationship if, on the average, there are at least 5 good interactions for every bad one. When I found out about this, I monitored good and bad interactions between my wife and me for a week. I found that the ratio was more like 20:1, explaining why we have been married for over 43 years now. A good interaction is anything that one person does in order to make the other feel good. It can be a smile, a friendly tone of voice, a non-sexual touch like a pat on the back... basically, anything the other person notices, and therefore feels good for sharing a life with you. So, deliberately and intentionally, go out of your way to do things that put love in the bank. Avoid actions that go the other way. If one happens, apologise, own up, and counter it with one or more good acts. Do