The candidates met up in North Dakota And they donned their black robes there in the chapel hall They said a brief invocation to their cloven-hoofed prince And they signed their names in blood on the vestry wall In Christ you know there's neither high nor low And the void will claim all creatures small or bright Seal up the borders or let everybody in In the order of the serpent, there'll be neither left nor right And we pull down our blindfolds And we reach out for the lever in the dark Get a sticker for our shirts as we head into the sun Proudly bearing the mark Headed down to the ark The applicants went down to Oklahoma And they hired an accent coach to teach them the western twang And several post-born babies learned the hard way: Vampires only kiss you if they've sharpened up their fangs And as Minnesota fell, so went Missouri We met at VFWs in the snow And we voted down the tax codes, and we voted down the war Ao many names to choose from, just one way to go.