lose my autonomy? Do I become one of those simpering women who sacrifice everything they hold dear to be with their One True Love? Does it mean I should abandon poly to be with just him? This is all further complicated by the prevalent view in poly communities that we should be happy as individuals and not expect other people to make us happy. I am happy as an individual... I am just happier when I am with my man (and woman, of course, but my relationship with her developed after this realisation). Does this mean I'm doing poly 'wrong'? There seems to be such an emphasis on individual happiness that there is no room to admit that you can be happy by yourself, but that other people can make you happy to and that this is not a bad thing. Needing someone does not make you reliant on them, or make them responsible for your happiness. I have happiest when I am with the people I love. Contemplating life without either of them is deeply scary and something that I never want to experience. Yes, I need this man. I also need a certain amount of independence and autonomy. I also need to be polyamorous. I need a whole host of things that don't make me a damsel, and that don't make me any less independent. Share this: About Isobel Isobel is a 20-something Brit living and working in Washington, DC. She has the amazing luck of being girlfriend