avoid asking children to relay messages. Don't put the children's mother down in front of them, undermine her parenting, or ask your kids to take sides in any conflict, even if you feel that she is doing this. Be as involved as you can Research indicates that effective fathering increases a child's chances of developing a good self esteem, moral strength and intellectual and social competence. Fathers also experience many benefits to their wellbeing and psychological growth when they are closely involved with their children. If you are a non-resident father you can still be involved in the important milestones and activities of your child. For example, you can: Attend parent/teacher interviews Volunteer at your children's kindergarten Celebrate their birthdays, even if sometimes it is not on the actual date Attend their sporting events/dance classes/plays Write to them, send them emails or ring them on the phone Continue to show your love and support Children often blame themselves for their parents' separation. Because they are often too young to understand adult relationships, they sometimes feel that there must be something wrong with them that caused the separation. It is especially important to remind your kids how much you love them by giving them lots of hugs and reassurance. Tell them clearly that they are not responsible for the separation and that even though you can't spend as much time with them as before, you love them just as much. Develop a shared parenting plan Shared parenting plans are an agreement