entered a local baby/toddler group and will never forget the weekly trauma of being surrounded by women who went to school together, and their children who all knew each other, singing songs we didn't know. My daughter had stopped speaking her first words of English, and clung to me like a limpet. I was not able or confident enough to join in. It took me six months to muster up enough courage to speak out. I had learned basic German at night-school in London once a week. That was all. After a short while, I registered my daughter in English-speaking pre-school care, as I needed something familiar for her. The children were from families who were mostly expats from Britain or America. Some had lived all over the world and been expat children themselves. Other parents were locals who wanted to introduce their children to English, or put them entirely through the international school system, with English as their main learning language. This was the privileged elite, though, with many parents covered financially by firms with expat deals. I started to realise that I didn't fit into any category. Not expat. Not local. Not buffered by a cosy company arrangement. However, the safety of being in a cliquey group had never appealed to me, and I had aimed at becoming integrated, fitting in and learning the language, which worked to an extent. I was getting quite fluent. But I wasn't feeling integrated, however hard I tried. As time moved on