over decades of this. I am nothing. It's a zen buddhist thing, learned from many hours, days, of zazen in front facing a blank white wall. So, there's nobody who suffers, only the suffering, the pain, itself, but no sufferer, just a centre of awareness and attention. It's hard to explain. And when it stops, I'm as cheerful as I can manage to be, and quickly get on with as much as I can do. One day it will end with my death. But not today. And every little thing is so sweet and precious. It does grind me down, to a nothing but sobbing, but that's alright too... The first bird song of the day, usually a robin, will happen in a few minutes and then the dawn arrives. The greatest miracle it is possible for us to experience is always there, right in front of our noses, and when my inner world is completely empty and still, it's all perfect. It does not really need any courage, or even any effort at all.... It doesn't need anything, just empty and still and a smile. I feel the whole Universe wants to help. This thing is rolling out, and we can't stop it, only witness, and share, and do it day to day, minute to minute.... Oh, there's another ingredient, I forgot to mention, 'soul', or better, 'subtle body', so I have a silent mind and I 'am' this living energy that occupies my body and extends out beyond,