Is My Relationship With My Boyfriend Problematic?
The premise is that marriage creates family system, family system is a cushion and requirement for potential children born. Children must be born in a family, ideally having siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins as well but at the very least, a father and mother that will take responsibility. It is an extra-ordinary need for human beings at birth and 20-30 years onward to need parents’ support. So God has forbidden infidelity that can break families and endanger the children, sometime for generations, potentially creating a society where children are thrown away with no parents or family to look after them. Because the danger is great and sex can be addicting, God has forbidden sexual relationship before marriage as well so that only husband and wife should know each other and form a loyal connection essential for the family system that future children need, both current and potential child. A Muslim does not have a choice in this matter. Having a bf/gf isn’t the problem, having sexual relationship before marriage is, however. That is explanation for what makes it problematic for God. But, when Prophet (PBUH) was sent, there was another similar problem with people having relationships with slaves. God tolerated it and restricted it to only their masters. So that if a child is born, everyone know who is the father and who will take responsibility, sudden reformation was not possible as people were still learning Islam as well as bad tradition and habits were already in place. Similarly Ghamidi Sahab tell us that boyfriend and girlfriend relations has to be tolerated in similar way for those that just started accepting Islam and learning about it. As for Muslims that aren’t deep in the problem, it’s forbidden clearly. As for your case, you have learned what makes it problematic, and should decide according to your situation as well as discussing it with him and your true intentions. Another problem I suspect you will face is also being that Islam expects marriage with Muslim man, not non-Muslims. Because if that man was a Muslim, you would not have lasted 12 years without getting married in between but if he is a Muslim, then I advise you two to fear God: Discussion 96840 Video for reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmFLxI4oXVA