Can A Haq Mehr Be Demanded?
She might not be wanting to show off (riya) the way you are understanding it brother. Dr Irfan was right, Haq mehar can be a point of pride ( read: great honour) for women. A symbolic representation of a man saying that he will take this women as his financial responsibility. Believe me, I struggle a lot with what seems to be minor, even non existent moral issues to others (even my husband ), so my advise is coming from a place of sympathy. Tbh, I kinda agree with you on that I would prefer a smaller Haq mehar and larger private gift ( as was the actual case in my marriage) however this isn’t a black and white moral issue, infact its pretty trivial one with a lot of grey involved. Again ,I personally struggle deeply with making EVERYTHING a black and white moral or religious issue to the point where my daily life and mental health is affected, but when it comes to my relationships, I make the grey choices to preserve love and harmony. It’s blessing infact to have someone with different opinions and inclinations, because sometimes it’s Allah’s way to show us a different perspective and relieve us of the guilt and stress of our own often “sin-phobic” way of looking at things. Your wife might not always be right (as Sir Sohail jokingly put it) but u can’t be right every time either. This is a mercy as it helps us take the high road sometimes and reserve my strength to fight differences on larger, less grey matters. Brother, this a super tough for u I am sure. I really sympathize with you ( I often need rectification as well from Dr Irfan and other mederators on religious matters). Whatever happened, happened in accordance with Allah’s will and he makes the best decisions for us. U can find solace in that fact.