Seeking Guidance: How To Deal With A Knowledgeable Relative Who Abandons Prayer
Wa alaikum assalam. Thank you for sharing the reference and your perspective. I understand where you are coming from, and I respect that classical scholars have discussed distancing in certain situations. At the same time, I believe these discussions were always meant to be applied with context, wisdom, and human understanding, not as blanket rules for every individual case. My concern is that spiritual struggle, confusion, or even withdrawal from religious practice does not automatically place someone in the category of harmful disobedience that warrants severing ties. Almost everyone—including ourselves—passes through phases of doubt, exhaustion, or distancing at some point in life. If such phases justified cutting family bonds, then very few relationships would survive. Islam repeatedly emphasizes mercy, gentleness, and preserving relationships—especially within families. Cutting ties is generally mentioned in situations where continued closeness causes real harm, moral corruption, or negative influence. In this case, your brother is not harming others, spreading immorality, or pressuring anyone away from faith. He is struggling internally, which is a very different matter. Ultimately, faith is between a person and Allah. Even close family members cannot fully know what someone is battling internally. Passing judgment on the state of someone’s iman risks overstepping boundaries that Islam itself warns against. Pressure, distancing, or moral policing often increases guilt and resentment rather than guiding someone back. I believe your role as a sister’s here is not to correct or withdraw, but to remain supportive, normal, and emotionally available—without preaching or force. If conversation happens, it should be gentle discussion, not instruction. Guidance grows best in an environment of safety, not fear. So while I respect the scholarly reference you mentioned, I do not believe it applies to this situation as a binding rule. Wisdom lies in distinguishing between moral corruption and human struggle. This appears to be the latter. May Allah guide us all with balance, softness, and insight.
Wa alaikum assalam. I understand what you’re saying, and I also understand why this situation feels “different” to you. But that is exactly why psychological and emotional context matters here. When someone who was once deeply practicing suddenly stops, this is very often not a matter of belief, rebellion, or defiance. In many cases, it is spiritual and emotional fatigue, burnout, or an internal crisis that the person themselves may not yet know how to articulate. Knowledge does not protect a person from this—sometimes it actually makes the struggle heavier, because guilt, self-expectation, and fear of judgment increase. His reaction—smiling when reminded about the Day of Judgment—does not automatically mean dismissal or arrogance. Psychologically, people often smile, deflect, or go quiet when they feel overwhelmed, pressured, or emotionally exhausted. It is a coping response, not a theological statement. This is especially true when reminders come from family, where the emotional weight is much stronger. This is also where boundaries become important. Even as a sister, you cannot see what is happening inside his heart, nor can you measure his internal struggle or timeline. Islam never made family members responsible for policing one another’s private acts of worship. This remains his test with Allah, not a shared moral failure that the family must correct. Boycott and distancing have a very specific context in Islam: when someone’s behavior is actively harmful, corrupting others, or pulling people away from faith. That context does not exist here. In this situation, distancing is far more likely to increase shame, isolation, and resistance—psychologically pushing him further away rather than helping him return. So the most realistic and effective position is this: maintain normal relations, remove pressure, stop repeated reminders, and allow emotional safety. Let him breathe. Guidance often returns when a person no longer feels watched, evaluated, or cornered. Your role is not to fix his faith, but to remain a stable, compassionate presence while Allah deals with what is in his heart.