Adultry And Forgiveness
Wa Alaikum Assalam First of all, please calm yourself. Right now you are emotionally overwhelmed — shame, fear, pressure, guilt — and this is not a stable state to make life-changing decisions from. For now, if possible, do not make any major decision under pressure. Give yourself at least 2–3 months if you can. Let emotions settle. When we decide from panic, we usually regret it later. You made a mistake. You repented sincerely. You asked Allah for forgiveness and even performed Umrah with that intention. That shows your heart is alive. In Islam, sincere tawbah wipes the sin. Exposure does not cancel repentance. Allah’s forgiveness is not dependent on whether people find out or not. What your sister did — blackmailing and exposing you — was wrong. Islam teaches covering faults, not using them as weapons. Your parents linking forgiveness to accepting a proposal you do not want — that is emotional pressure. Marriage cannot be used as punishment or negotiation. If you marry someone just to reduce shame, you may create a bigger lifelong problem. Regarding caste — Islam does not recognize caste superiority. That is cultural. Parents may have preferences, but rejecting someone solely on caste is not a religious command. Right now you need stability, not decisions. If possible, involve a third neutral, mature, and respected person in this matter — maybe an elder relative, family friend, scholar, or counselor who is calm and balanced. Someone who can speak to both sides without emotional bias. Also, be honest with yourself about the man you want to marry. Is he truly suitable — responsible, stable, practicing — or is your attachment intensified because of shared history and guilt? Evaluate calmly, not emotionally. And please take your mental health seriously. If your sleep is disturbed, you feel extreme anxiety, panic, or depressive thoughts — consult a psychiatrist or psychologist. There is no shame in that. Emotional trauma is real. Your nervous system is under shock right now.AlsoYou are not beyond forgiveness.You are not ruined.You are a human being who made a mistake and is trying to fix her life. And do not assume Allah has closed the door on you — He hasn’t.Right now your nervous system is in shock — shame, exposure, fear of rejection. That is why you can’t sleep. This is psychological distress, not proof that Allah rejected you.You asked: Is there no forgiveness for me?There is forgiveness. If you have truly repented from your heart — meaning you felt genuine remorse, stopped the sin, asked Allah for forgiveness sincerely, and intend not to return to it — then yes, the matter between you and Allah is resolved. What you are experiencing is social consequence, not divine rejection.