Religion
Thank you for this response. It made me reflect more deeply. I used to believe in 3 constructs existing as one where the God Construct was in control. It has dawned on me now that this constituted my belief system. And this is what I thought was Islam. God Construct: One God, a “being” named Allah, who is in total and absolute control because a Creator cannot create if He’s not in control. The hereafter with a real heaven and hell. The angels who truly exist. And the other 99 names which belong to God who is the highest level of perfection. The opposite of that is Iblees aka Shaitan or imperfection. An actual being who’s job it is to spread evil and badness. Soul Construct: This is the metaphysical form of me. The soul or the consciousness. The morals or conscience. The inner voice inside of me which belongs to me but which is also controlled by beings called God and Iblees, who can maneuver it for me through prayer aka Dua or via sins which are immoral acts. Human Construct: This is the physical me which is an amalgamation of physics, chemistry and biology. Unpacking all this one by one with my current state: I’m quite concerned how the God Construct is helping my Human Construct? The new me is thinking that the Human Construct is more in control. That perfection and imperfection is inside of me. That that’s all that exists. That I not only have physics, chemistry and biology but also an elevated status called consciousness which controls my thought pattern and conscience which controls my moral balance. That there is a scientific explanation for consciousness and conscience as well. That scientific explanation could be social and developmental and behavioral evolution where we continued to refine ideas through meditation, individual experiences, and societal experiences, tried and tested over centuries. I used to think that Muhammad SAW was ummi (uneducated) who suddenly got this divine inspiration from an actual being named Allah but he was definitely meditating for decades probably thinking, reflecting, pondering and possibly studying all of this through his travels and contacts. Study is not just reading- even listening and reflecting could be educational and called study. Is Quran an actual word of a being called Allah who created soul and created us or is it just our inner voice and consciousness/conscience put into words? Perfection it may be but it doesn’t prove a being called Allah who crafts us with his own hands or something. It doesn’t prove a hereafter where justice will be served. I used to think that justice will be deferred for the most part to the afterlife where an omnipotent God who’s an actual “being” in some supernatural form, would balance out the injustices that we see and experience. But now my human part is beginning to think that this world is all that exists. That the universe is indifferent whether there is injustice or not. The control seems to have shifted from the God construct to the human cnstruct. This is scary because it’s causing a lot of emotional toll on me. It seems like tyrants and evil people will get away with so much. It seems like I might even get away with small sins, and I don’t want to. I was okay with some punishment for myself or others, saved up for a future which was perfection. But the grief is tremendous. I cry a lot. I feel a big, a huge emotional weight on me thinking this life is all it is. How will I meet the Prophets in the hereafter? How will I meet all the good people? I’m safe though. There’s nothing to worry about from a safety standpoint please. But I feel like I’m in an existential crisis where this world is all there is to fix as much as I can before I’m gone and others are gone whom I care about. I know I’m in grief. I’m going through the stages of grief where denial is the first one, however, a powerful God Construct was keeping me hopeful for a better future and also where God was controlling this world, especially via prayer/dua. Now, it seems like I have to try to live out my life to it’s best. However, the traditional Muslim belief seems to have been lifted away from me, and that feels scary. Because that belief was keeping me happy and content in my current life. And if I’m not in that belief system called Islam in the form that I knew it existed, then am I even worthy of a supposedly-fictional place called heaven for the he reafter?