Fear Around Touching To Be Mother In Law, Hurmat-E-Musahrat
Wa alaikum assalam.This issue often creates unnecessary waswasa because classical fiqh discussions are taken out of context and then mixed with anxiety. It’s important to look at this calmly, both Islamically and psychologically.It is true that some classical scholars differed on whether zina or lustful touching creates hurmat-e-musaharat. However, many scholars — including companions and major schools — held the view that haram actions do not make halal relationships haram. According to this understanding, only a valid nikah establishes permanent marriage prohibitions. A sin cannot carry the same legal weight as a sacred contract.Regarding your specific fear: a handshake, accidental touch, or a brief involuntary feeling does not establish any prohibition. When scholars spoke about “lustful touching,” they meant intentional sexual intimacy, not normal social interactions or involuntary bodily reactions.It’s also very important to understand the human side of this. The body sometimes reacts automatically to touch or presence — that is a biological response, not a moral decision. Islam does not hold people accountable for involuntary thoughts, fleeting sensations, or momentary feelings. Accountability is based on intentional actions and deliberate choices, not on what happens without your control.If you panic, suppress these thoughts, or label yourself sinful, they will keep returning more strongly. The healthier approach is to acknowledge them calmly and move on: “This was just biology, not my intention.” Allah created human beings this way, and He does not punish people for being human.So please don’t live in fear around your future mother-in-law or anyone else. A handshake does not invalidate a marriage, and these thoughts do not make you sinful. Islam is meant to bring clarity and ease, not constant anxiety.
@Irfan76 sir I wanted to share something… I was going through musannaf Ibn abi shaybah, in the chapter of nikah, there are many sayings of sahaba, Tabieen. I don’t know about their authenticity… Some talked about its not allowed for a man to be with a slave which his father undressed (it gives idea that even seeing undressed causes hurmat), some sayings that say that touching cause hurmat, some sayings that say looking at private part cause hurmat. There were numerous reports, Also there was a Hadith of prophet through Abu Hani… Another report where a man was having relations with his slave and her daughter, then hazrat ali says that one ayat allows it but the another prohibits it. And the prohibiting one is more probable… also there was a report which told that in Torah that was revealed to Musa AS said that a man who exposes the private part of a woman and her daughter is cursed… ( here is the URL… https://al-hadees.com/musannaf-ibn-abi-shaybah/16504 ) After which I checked on chatgpt, which said that yes such verses condemning incest are there… Further chatgpt said that uncover nakedness means having sexual relations not just merely seeing undressed.. I don’t know what is reality. Sir regarding the numerous number of reports, does it make the claim of hanafis true? For example if we consider the case of an unmarried man and unmarried woman, touching the woman lustfully or looking at private part would make daughter and mother Haram? Does the numerous number of reports make difference in weightage? Reports about touching… https://al-hadees.com/musannaf-ibn-abi-shaybah/16495 https://al-hadees.com/musannaf-ibn-abi-shaybah/16491 https://al-hadees.com/musannaf-ibn-abi-shaybah/16490 https://al-hadees.com/musannaf-ibn-abi-shaybah/16489 (this one talks about seeing private part) https://al-hadees.com/musannaf-ibn-abi-shaybah/16486 https://al-hadees.com/musannaf-ibn-abi-shaybah/16485 https://al-hadees.com/musannaf-ibn-abi-shaybah/16484 https://al-hadees.com/musannaf-ibn-abi-shaybah/16483 https://al-hadees.com/musannaf-ibn-abi-shaybah/16481 (this one talks about undressing and looking) https://al-hadees.com/musannaf-ibn-abi-shaybah/16475 (this also talked about merely seeing her undressed) And many more… Sir can you please guide me
@Irfan76 thank you sir ❤ lots of love
@Irfan76 so Sir logically it does feel that the second point of view seems more strong. Because there is nothing in the text that suggests that earlier stages would also cause hurmat. And because secondly, if earlier stages are also included then even looking at face of a woman with lust is an earlier stage for intercourse. Or even look at her back even with clothes on with lustb would fall into it subsequently. Am I right sir?
@Irfan76 sir I feel that you may have erred here because of the following points; 1) Quran in ayah 22 of surah nisa says وَلَا تَنكِحُوا۟ مَا نَكَحَ ءَابَآؤُكُم مِّنَ ٱلنِّسَآءِ إِلَّا مَا قَدْ سَلَفَ ۚ إِنَّهُۥ كَانَ فَـٰحِشَةًۭ وَمَقْتًۭا وَسَآءَ سَبِيلًا Here quran only says that don’t do nikah with a woman whom your father had nikah with. As nikah is used for “aqd e nikah” contract on its own. It is only taken into other meaning of nikah as intercourse if accompanied by a context that tells that here intercourse is meant. Which means that the moment the nikah is conducted, the woman is banned from marrying son of the man. But for man to marry the daughter of woman quran states a condition in the next ayah (“if you have gone into them”). 2) in the next ayah. Quran talks straight about not to marry mother in law. But for daughter of the wife from previous husband. Quran gives a condition that “if you have gone into them”. Only then would the daughter be Haram. Ghamidi sahab also writes.. نسب اور رضاعت کے بعد اب وہ حرمتیں بیان ہوئی ہیں جو مصاہرت پر مبنی ہیں۔ یہ رشتے چونکہ بیوی اور شوہر کی وساطت سے قائم ہوتے ہیں اور اِس سے ایک نوعیت کا ضعف اِن میں پیدا ہو جاتا ہے، اِس لیے قرآن نے تین شرطیں اِن پر عائد کر دی ہیں: ایک یہ کہ بیٹی صرف اُس بیوی کی حرام ہے جس سے خلوت ہو جائے۔ دوسری یہ کہ بہو کی حرمت کے لیے بیٹے کا صلبی ہونا ضروری ہے۔ تیسری یہ کہ بیوی کی بہن، بھانجی اور بھتیجی کی حرمت اُس حالت کے ساتھ خاص ہے، جب میاں بیوی میں نکاح کا رشتہ قائم ہو۔ Here also talks only about that “daughter of a woman”. Islahi sahab also talks separately for Rabiba (daughter of wife from other husband) 3) thirdly, sir if the meaning is already implied that physical relationship is the cause of hurmat and not mere ” Aqd e nikah” In all cases. Then why quran separately mentions this only about the daughter of the wife from previous husband? And in all other three settings. A man marrying the mother of his ex-wife. Or a woman marrying either the son or the father of her Ex-husband, Quran didn’t mention any such thing like that. Is it correct sir?