OCD, SCRPULOSITY
Hey, im so sorry. I go through this a lot. U can start but reading a tafsir of Surah Fatiha ( Mariful Quran has a super long one and I find the detailed things more grounding, atleast for me ). U can just try reading the Quran with translation but if your ocd is anything like mine, u will need a tafsir to help not over fixate on verses without knowing the context to them ( bayan ul Quran is pretty concise and great for this purpose ). Listening/ watching will have a similar effect but I find reading lets u have some boundaries in your own thoughts and not consume u in a way that will have you fail to engage with your normal life . Unfortunately u will have to intellectually engage yourself even if it’s scary but thats the only way you get peace. I just really want u to know, as someone who goes through these phases every few years ( since I was 13-14), it gets better with the months. Please head this advise though; no matter how bad things get, never let go of your daily prayers at their prescribed times. There are times I feel defeated by own head, by unreasonable questions and their unreasonable conclusions, by my many failings and by the fear of losing my faith. Prayers are the only things that keep me sane and brings me back to normalcy and make me hopeful. In Sha Allah u will look back on this time next year and would feel like your faith is stronger now because of it and life is less intimidating.