Please Help Me In My Distressed Fighting With My Own Thoughts
Salam Sister, Sometimes it is almost impossible to take out yourself from a situation you even not thought about once in your life and you become trap of it. In my opinion, you are trying to fighet your thoughts or in other words yourself alone. I suppose you if by the help of Allah, if you try to find practically, not just think or fighting with your if and buts, a qualified psychiatrist, I have one 100 percent believe in our Allah, you will be the winner Gladiator of this endless foghet. Allah is always on your side.
I have read your entire message very carefully. First of all, please know this: you are not alone. When a woman—a daughter, a wife—goes through such a shock, her heart, mind, and soul all get wounded together. The state you are describing is not just one incident; it is a continuous process of breaking inside, and I can truly feel that as a woman.Please firmly understand this: you are not insane, not vindictive, and not weak in faith. What happened to you was a severe emotional and psychological trauma, and the thoughts that followed are intrusive thoughts (waswasah)—they are not your real beliefs, intentions, or decisions.I am answering you as a sister, very simply and clearly.The most important pointThoughts that come into the mind, mental conditions, sentences said internally, or intentions that are immediately taken back are not religiously binding.In Allah’s sight, only a clear, deliberate decision made with peace of heart and free will matters.What you are going through is:Continuous waswasahMental confusionDeep trauma caused by betrayal and divorceThis is not an issue of faith, kufr, or sin.Question 1:Did forgiveness happen at any point, and did it become binding on me?The clear and direct answer:No. Absolutely not.When a woman is in intense pain, fear, and mental pressure, and says something only to silence her thoughts, that does not count as valid forgiveness in Shariah.You repeatedly made it clear:That you do not want to forgiveThat you took those words backThat you are a Muslim whether you forgive or notAll of this proves that no forgiveness ever became established.Islam gives a woman the right to:Take time for her woundsAcknowledge her painAnd not forgive if her heart is not readyThis is not a sin.“What if not forgiving is kufr?”Sister, this thought is pure waswasah, not reality.Forgiveness is:Not obligatoryNot a condition of faithNot a condition for remaining MuslimIt is a high moral level that comes only when the heart is ready, not by force.Question 2:If I forgive, can I still ask Allah for justice or punishment?Yes.This is completely permissible.A woman can forgive from her heart and still say to Allah:“O Allah, You know my wounds, You have seen my tears—You decide with justice.”This is not hypocrisy; this is being human.Some words as a sisterYour constant thinking, spending hours stuck in these thoughts, and your prayers and work being affected—all of this shows that your heart is still in trauma.The cure for waswasah is not debating with it, but stopping giving it importance.Fix just one sentence for yourself:“O Allah, You know my heart. I leave this matter to You.”After that, do not enter arguments with your thoughts.Final words (from the heart)Your pain is real.Your tears are valuable.In Allah’s sight, no woman’s suffering goes to waste.May Allah grant you peace—slowly, gently, at your own pace.For further reading, I sincerely recommend this book:“Why Do Difficulties Come Upon Us?” by Sajid HameedThis book helps in understanding emotional burdens and viewing trials from a healthier, more balanced perspective.