Religion
I honestly don’t think you are actually searching for answers to those specific questions. I think you’re confused about the confusion itself — and that confusion is giving birth to all these questions. Sometimes the mind throws theological and philosophical questions at us, but the real disturbance is not intellectual. It’s internal. When the ground inside feels slightly unstable, the brain tries to explain it through metaphysics. Also, think about this: for most of our lives, we are struggling toward something — exams, career, status, stability, family, financial security. We are always solving something. Our nervous system gets used to movement, pressure, challenge. When life becomes stable, predictable, successful — something strange happens. Instead of peace feeling satisfying, it can feel unsettling. Too calm. Too quiet. We are so used to “mess” that peace feels unfamiliar. And when external chaos reduces, the mind turns inward. That’s when questions about existence, meaning, divine control, consciousness begin surfacing more intensely. Not because faith collapsed — but because the mind finally has space to wander. For you, I think Umrah was the trigger. Many people associate religion with spiritual highs and sacred emotional experiences. We expect something to “hit” us — a rush, a transformation, a visible divine presence. But in reality, religion itself does not generate magic feelings. It is our perception, our expectations, and our psychological state that create the sacred emotional layer. When someone understands religion deeply through logic, philosophy, and structure, it often shifts from being a purely emotional experience to a conceptual framework. That sometimes reduces the dramatic “spiritual high” feeling. You probably expected something internal to shift in Umrah. When it didn’t, your mind externalized the meaning. You started noticing business layers, inequality, social fractures — even though deep down you already know that every society on earth contains good and bad. Sacred geography doesn’t erase human imperfection. But when expectation and reality don’t align, something inside destabilizes. And I think that’s what’s happening. You’ve reached a stage in life where you are intellectually and materially stable. You’re not battling survival. You’re not chasing identity. So now your mind is examining the foundation itself. The issue isn’t that these questions are impossible to answer. The issue is that you are standing on slightly soft internal ground, and that softness is being interpreted as theological instability. If you separate your internal recalibration from the faith itself, many of these questions will start organizing themselves naturally. Also, there is no single mechanical answer to these questions. The foundational principles may be the same, but each person understands divine control, dua, morality, and existence through the lens of their own lived experience. Meaning is always filtered through perspective. I genuinely think you are capable of figuring these things out yourself. You’re not confused because you lack intelligence. You’re unsettled because you’re in transition. If you want, I can engage with the specific questions one by one — but they are deep and deserve individual space. It would be better to ask all these questions separately and explore them carefully rather than trying to solve them all at once. Right now, though, I think the more important thing is not solving theology — it’s understanding what is happening inside you. Don’t rush to make things better, let yourself get used to this calm.