The best jokes always float to the top.

Just a little toilet humor.

Image source: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Toilet_in_german_theater_munich.JPG

by Doctor Cimmerian

SCP-0002-J when not in use.

Item #: SCP-0002-J

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-0002-J is to be located on floor 36 of Site-88 in the high value containment division's communal restroom. SCP-0002-J use is to be logged on a clipboard which is to be hung on the outside of the stall in which SCP-0002-J is located. At least one use of SCP-0002-J must be completed daily.

Description: SCP-0002-J is a sapient flush toilet located in the high value containment division of Site-88. SCP-0002-J is capable of textual communication through any wirelessly capable device brought into its stall. The device utilized in this manner has a marked effect on the speed at which these communications are accomplished, with laptops allowing the highest volume of communication.

SCP-0002-J's continued sapience appears to be connected with regular use for its original purpose. When left unused for longer than a day, SCP-0002-J loses all anomalous properties until such a time as it is used again. SCP-0002-J, however, retains knowledge of events that occur in its immediate vicinity during such periods.

SCP-0002-J's anomalous properties were first discovered in March of 2016 by site director Dr. Phillip Foster whilst in use. At the time it was believed that SCP-0002-J's anomalous properties only manifested in the presence of cellular phones, but further testing indicated otherwise. Initial testing revealed the remainder of the object's anomalous properties.

The following is a complete log of Dr. Foster's first recorded conversation with SCP-0002-J.

+ Show Textual Communication Log

Hello?

Who is this?

Sorry. First time using one of these.

Hey, do you think I could write a book about my life?

I don't even know who you are.

Believe me, I've seen some shit.

Identification and containment of SCP-0002-J was accomplished shortly after this incident.