Item#: SCP-5188

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: Foundation agents in all major television networks are to monitor for SCP-5188 and prevent any broadcasts before they reach civilian audiences. While the danger to civilians presented by SCP-5188 is negligible, public acknowledgement of its anomalous qualities would lead to a potential Lifted Veil scenario.

For research purposes, one television at Site-59 is to receive and record uninhibited broadcasts of SCP-5188. Transcription efforts by research staff are ongoing.

SCP-2803-A is not to be made aware of Foundation suppression efforts for SCP-5188 under any circumstances. In addition, SCP-2803-A is to receive a monthly supply of forged fan mail for SCP-5188 and a "royalty payment" consisting two kilograms of a 50/50 blend of sand and pink glitter.1

Description: SCP-5188 is "Fronglyfoot Street", an animated2 situation comedy produced by TotleighSoft corporation. Episodes are 22 minutes long; at time of writing, 108 episodes and nine seasons have been recorded at Site-59.

SCP-5188 makes use of TotleighSoft's signature "Snoflak-o-Vizhon", a perception-altering technique that tailors the show's content to match each viewer's personal preferences for entertainment. Despite the claim that "no two [people] will see the [same show]",3 identical transcriptions of SCP-5188 between similarly-minded researchers have been noted. Currently, the highest number of recorded variants to an individual episode (including SCP-5188-Gamma) is 57.

The show centers around the Fronglyfoots, a family consisting of the male protagonist, his wife, their precocious two-year-old daughter, and a dog. All other factors (such as the characters' names, occupations, location, financial class, supporting characters, and whether or not the dog is capable of speech) depend on the individual iteration.

In addition, viewers who possess a nerve bundle previously identified as a "Rosetta cluster" will be immune to the perception-altering effects; the resulting show will be SCP-5188-Gamma.

Addendum: Transcription Excerpt from Season 4, Episode 11, Scene 1

SCP-5188-12

SCP-5188-23

SCP-5188-Gamma

Transcriber: Junior Researcher N. Tamino

Rating: TV-PG

Main Character Ethnicities: African-American

Setting: Eugene, Oregon

Episode Title: Micro Brewing for Dummies

<Begin Log>

INT. FRONGLYFOOT RESIDENCE, LIVING ROOM - DAY

Nina[Wife] is vacuuming. Auggie[Daughter] is playing chess with Pascal[Dog, St. Bernard]. Auggie moves a piece.

AUGGIE

Check. HA! What say you to such

strategic brilliance, Phillistine?!

Pascal yawns and falls asleep on the board.

AUGGIE

Fool! You're no Alexander, and this is

no Gordian Knot. Up with you, beast!

Auggie attempts to pry Pascal from the board. He sleepily places a paw on top of Auggie's head.

AUGGIE

(Sarcastic) Ye gods, such brilliance.

Bob[Husband] enters the front door, sweating and flustered.

NINA

Bob!

BOB

Oh, hey Nina. Wanna hear a joke?

NINA

How about first you tell me where you've been.

BOB

It's related. What's vinyl-sided, rectangular,

and filled with 50 cases of concord grapes for

no reason?

NINA

What?

BOB

(Smiling nervously) …NOT our garage.

Nina crosses her arms and glares. Awkward silence.

BOB

…anyway, do you know a place where I can

get some brewer's yeast in bulk?

NINA

You're grounded.

BOB

Hey, now. I'm thirty-five, you can't ground me!

I drive a Mercedes!

NINA

Where's the Mercedes?

BOB

…under the grapes. I'll be in my room.

Bob goes up the stairs.

AUGGIE

Guess I'd better not tell her about my

lemon stash!

<End Log>

Transcriber: Junior Researcher L. Matapang

Rating: TV-MA

Main Character Ethnicities: Anthropomorphic lizards

Setting: Unnamed Trailer Park, Louisiana

Episode Title: Nice Melons

<Begin Log>

INT. FRONGLYFOOT TRAILER, CENTRAL AREA - NIGHT

Lucinda[Wife] is playing Russian roulette while sobbing. Meat[Daughter] lays out a chess board before Wristopher Calken,[Dog, Borzoi] who is convulsing and foaming at the mouth.

MEAT

Awright, we doin' this? We doin' this.

WRISTOPHER

Meat, I need you to call 911.

MEAT

That's not how ya play. Ya gotta move the

pieces around 'n' say "king me" 'n' shit.

WRISTOPHER

No, seriously I just dropped a gallon of

Forty Sauce and I'm dying. Call an

ambulance. Now.

MEAT

The fuck's Forty Sauce?

WRISTOPHER

Olde English and WD.

Meat picks up the chessboard and leaves.

MEAT

…yeah, you too dumb for this game.

I'mma go get Mousetrap or summat.

Scott[Husband] enters the front door, whistling the Soviet national anthem.

SCOTT

Okay, y'all know that gun ain't loaded, right?

LUCINDA

Just let me have this.

SCOTT

'kay, cool. So, like, guess who just bought

5,000 watermelons?

LUCINDA

(sarcastic)

Wow. I don't know. Who.

SCOTT

(pointing to self) THIS GUY!

LUCINDA

Oh my god. I'm shocked. Why would you

buy 5,000 watermelons.

SCOTT

Your dad's inheritance had to go somewhere.

I'mma go throw 'em at God now for cursing

me with existence.

LUCINDA

Aim for the giant eyeball on his crotch.

SCOTT

Oh, is that his weak point? Thanks, wifey!

Scott leaves.

WRISTOPHER

Tera Patrick, into your arms, I

commence my soul…

<End log>

Transcriber: Junior Researcher E. Gualtieri (Note: has a Rosetta cluster)

Rating: Unrated

Main Character Ethnicities: Ambiguous from decomposition

Setting: A derelict conference room of the SCP-2803 compound.

Episode Title: "Friut"[sp]

<Begin Log>

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

The room is covered in a yellow gelatinous substance that has crystallized. "Concubine"[Wife], a deceased office worker, dangles limply from the ceiling, attached by the top of her head to a tendril belonging to SCP-2803-A. She bounces up and down, speaking through unknown means.

CONCUBINE

I am doing a thing. I am doing a thing.

Witness me doing this thing.

"Offspring"[Daughter], a small humanoid effigy made out of staplers, a disembodied cardiovascular system, and crystallized biofilm, dangles from a similar tendril toward "Vassal"[Dog, (n/a)]. Vassal is another dangling effigy - quadrupedal, and made from bones and computer keyboards.

(note: all characters speak in the same voice. The currently speaking character is indicated by shaking and flailing.)

OFFSPRING

We will partake in brief enjoyment.

VASSAL

My refusal extrudes from my mouth and

slathers negation upon your ears.

OFFSPRING

You are without permission!

Vassal is dragged back and forth throughout the room, screeching.

OFFSPRING

I hope you did not enjoy your petulance.

LORD[Husband] enters the room. He is the former executive of the SCP-2803 compound, impaled on one of SCP-2803-A's tendrils like a finger puppet.

CONCUBINE

Lord! We welcome you ambiguously.

LORD

Be silent!

CONCUBINE

I am disobedient.

LORD

Indeed. I have acquired the fruiting bodies.

CONCUBINE

For what purpose? You are well aware that

fruiting bodies do not belong in the implied

counting-house.

LORD

My ignorance is a shining, bulbous gonad. It must

be rubbed with folly over and over until

the climaxing waves of character development

wash over the area, sink, and disappear as if

they never existed. For this is what reaps

the royal sturple from the consumer and thus

unto our God.

CONCUBINE

I tremble from how correct you are. May

your ignorance vibrate for eternity, and may

my indignace undulate in kind!

LORD

I must go, for my lucrative stupidity cannot

reach its peak among this scenery in particular.

Lord leaves.

Offspring and Vassal loudly vomit a thick black organic syrup onto the floor.

<End log>

Footnotes

1. Due to misinformation protocols, SCP-2803-A is under the belief that this substance is called "royal sturple" and is the most precious form of human currency, reserved only for a handful of social elites.

2. It should be noted that the "true" iteration, SCP-5188-Gamma, is live-action.

3. Approximation from a TV Guide advertisement; original text was spelled too poorly to be precisely identified.