Item #: SCP-4630

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4630 and SCP-4630-1 are to be kept in a standard hydroponic containment cell. The cell is to be partitioned to allow for private interviews with each of the objects, but have the ability to open to allow free communication when not conducting interviews.

SCP-4630-2 is to be kept in a separate soundproof hydroponics containment cell. SCP-4630-2 is to have psychological evaluations on a biweekly basis, designed to investigate the extent of the object's knowledge. The attending psychologist is not allowed to bring pencil, paper, or any form of information storing devices with them to the evaluations. All meetings are to be recorded directly to encrypted drives set to Level-5 clearance only. After meeting with SCP-4630-2, the attending psychologist is to be treated with Class-C amnestics to remove all knowledge of their time spent with SCP-4630-2. Attending psychologists are to be rotated after every meeting.

Description: SCP-4630 is a head of Lactuca sativa, more commonly known as Iceberg Lettuce, which has gained sapience and a method of spoken communication through currently unknown, although suspected genetic1, means. Analysis of SCP-4630's genome has revealed substantial differences between its genetic code and that of a typical individual of L. sativa, collectively designated SCP-4630-A.

Interviews with SCP-4630 have revealed that it believes itself to be a human researcher working at the Foundation under the name Doctor John Cabbage, although no such person was ever employed by the Foundation.

Experiments with implanting different parts of the SCP-4630-A ANA2 in additional subjects in the plant kingdom have resulted in additional sapient vegetables, designated SCP-4630-1 and SCP-4630-2. Due to the creation of SCP-4630-2, in spite of not being able to isolate the sapience granting string of genetic code, further experiments using this method have been suspended.

SCP-4630, SCP-4630-1 and SCP-4630-2 have very little in common, apart from the following:

All of the objects have sapience.

All of the objects believe that they are human.

All of the objects believe that they have worked at the Foundation, despite no records existing to corroborate this.

All of the objects have names relating to the vegetable in a direct, or at least commonly misunderstood3, manner.

Further investigations into a connection between SCP-4630 and GoIs which have access to genetic modification technology is ongoing.

Discovery Log: SCP-4630 was discovered in the lower most drawer of the refrigerator inside the Site-09 break room, when the object exclaimed he was being assaulted by a Junior Researcher as they were attempting to construct a bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich.

AUDIO LOG 4630-A

DATE: 24 February 2017

NOTE: Initial interview with SCP-4630. Dr. Chong presiding.

[BEGIN LOG]

Dr. Chong: Good morning, SCP-4630.

SCP-4630: Good morning, Doctor… uh, Chong is it? I am Doctor Cabbage, and you may refer to me as such.

Dr. Chong: Very well, Doctor… Cabbage. Would you mind answering a few questions regarding your current state?

SCP-4630: Oh, is it that bad? I thought I might be coming down with a cold. I was hoping that taking the day off would clear it up, but I suppose not.

Dr. Chong: I was referring to your current state of (pause) being a head of lettuce, Dr. Cabbage.

SCP-4630: What? A head of lettuce?

Dr. Chong: Yes.

SCP-4630: What are you talking about, Sir? I have never for a moment in my life ceased being a human being.

(silence for approx. 15 seconds)

Dr. Chong: Dr. Cabbage, you describe yourself as a doctor, but would you mind telling me what you are a doctor of?

SCP-4630: On my diploma it says Biological Sciences, but I was hired at the Foundation for my work on thaumaturgical biology.

Dr. Chong: Like DNA augmentation?

SCP-4630: Through thaumaturgic means? Don't be silly, boy, that'd be impossible! The DNA structure is much too fine for the thaumaturgic methods we have today.

Dr. Chong: But you did work with DNA? Through non-thaumaturgic means?

SCP-4630: I don't know where all this talk about DNA came from, I'm just a biologist, not a geneticist. I study the phenotypical traits of thaumaturgic creatures, fairies, unicorns, and the like. Classic stuff.

Dr. Chong: Alright, well… Thank you for your time, Dr. Cabbage.

[END LOG]

By order of Site Directorship

Re: SCP-4630-1 Experiment

The experiment to extract a quantity of SCP-4630-A and implant it into another host, designated SCP-4630-1, is APPROVED. This experiment will be carried out at the earliest possible convenience at the discretion of the 4630 Lead Researcher.

By order of 4630 Lead Researcher

Re: SCP-4630-1 Experiment

The experiment to extract and implant an amount of SCP-4630-A into an individual of the species Musa acuminata4 is to be begun on 03 March 2016 at 0800 by Researcher Markson, Researcher Carlos, and Junior Researcher Vala.

AUDIO LOG 4630-B

DATE: 04 March 2017

NOTE: Initial interview with SCP-4630-1. Dr. Markson presiding.

[BEGIN LOG]

Dr. Markson: Good afternoon, SCP-4630-1.

SCP-4630-1: What, so I'm an SCP now?

Dr. Markson: I beg your pardon?

SCP-4630-1: Last time I checked, the number you slapped me with was D-0579.

Dr. Markson: (clears her throat) What was your name prior to joining the SCP Foundation?

SCP-4630-1: Sig. Sigmund Peele.

Dr. Markson: So, D-057-

SCP-4630-1: Oh, that's just like you doctor types to ask me my name just to go on and not fucking use it.

Dr. Markson: (pauses) Mr. Peele, would you describe where you were yesterday morning?

SCP-4630-1: I don't know, probably in my fucking cell.

Dr. Markson: You don't remember?

SCP-4630-1: No, I don't remember. Do you think you'd remember every time you stared at a grey concrete wall?

Dr. Markson: I see. Thank you, Mr. Peele.

[END LOG]

Request to 4630 Lead Researcher from Dr. Sabrina Markson

Re: SCP-4630-2 Experiment

Due to the results of Experiment 4630-1, I hereby request another opportunity to experiment with SCP-4630-A in order to see if the entity can be genetically engineered to be more useful in pinpointing the genetic and/or thaumaturgical elements responsible for sapience and spontaneous auditory generation.

Responce to request by Dr. Sabrina Markson from 4630 Lead Researcher

Re: SCP-4630-2 Experiment

I'll give the go ahead, but be careful Bri, we don't really know the forces we're messing with here.

By order of 4630 Lead Researcher

Re: SCP-4630-2 Experiment

The experiment to extract and implant an amount of SCP-4630-A into a modified individual of the species Zea mays5 is to be begun on 15 April 2016 at 0800 by Researcher Markson, Researcher Carlos, and Junior Researcher Vala.

AUDIO LOG 4630-C

DATE: 16 April 2017

NOTE: Initial interview with SCP-4630-2. Dr. Carlos presiding.

[BEGIN LOG]

Dr. Carlos: Good morning, SCP-4630-2.

SCP-4630-2: Oh god. Am I dead? I figured if there was a god, he'd do this kind of cruel joke to me…

Dr. Carlos: SCP-4630-2, please elaborate. What is particularly cruel?

SCP-4630-2: The last thing I remember, I was lying in bed, which means I'm probably dead. I'd bet those bastards at the ███ did it too, they've been planning their little █████████ ████ █████ for years now, and I guess they finally built up the nerve to strike.

Dr. Carlos: I'm sorry, but, if you don't mind me asking, why would the ███ target you specifically?

SCP-4630-2: Because I'm O5-█, Joseph Cobb, you simpleton. (pause) I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. I'm just in shock is all.

Dr. Carlos: Oh shit.

[END LOG]

Footnotes

1. It is speculated that the method of spoken communication relies on a thaumaturgical component embedded in the genetic sequence, although this has not been corroborated at this time.

2. Anomalous deoxyriboNucleic Acid

3. Such as cabbage, Brassica oleracea, being from a completely different genus from Iceberg Lettuce.

4. Commonly known as the Cavendish variety of banana.

5. Commonly known as corn.