Item #: SCP-5268

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: Due to SCP-5268's popularity, containment is an ongoing process. All instances of SCP-5268 are to be confiscated by Foundation agents as soon as they are identified. Instances are to be transported to Site-37 for disposal via burning, with two instances being kept in a secured storage locker on-site for study. Chapters 4-5 may be read by personnel with Security Level 3 or higher.

Foundation Webcrawler Food Fighter will monitor social media for users suspected of exposure to SCP-5268. Anyone showing symptoms of SCP-5268's memetic effect are to be administered amnestics appropriate to the level of progression and monitored for regression.

Description: SCP-5268 is a book titled "The Art of Spaghetti," written by Chef Frederick Hoffman. The first chapter of the book is a step-by-step guide on how to cook spaghetti noodles. Near the end of the cooking process, the chapter insists that it is necessary to test a noodle by throwing it at a wall to see if it "sticks." Chapter 1 claims the spaghetti is done and ready to be drained if it sticks to the wall.

The chapter puts an undue amount of stress on this step, to the point of redundancy. Readers who make it this far will not put down the book, unless vigorous attempts are made to disrupt them.

After this point, the book ceases any mention of spaghetti and instead emphasizes the importance of adding chaos to food. It makes claims of superior flavor and the importance of eating food, "without pomp and circumstance, the way it was meant to be." It also denounces the use of most conventional eating utensils. Instead, it claims that hands are the only tool needed for eating.

Once an individual has finished reading up to "Chapter 3: The Inherent Chaotic Nature of Eating", they will cook spaghetti within three days of completion, if able, and experiment with throwing a spaghetti noodle at the wall to see if it's done. Following this first experiment, they will be compelled to try this method with other forms of pasta. Within two weeks, their symptoms will have progressed to a point where the person will feel compelled to throw a portion of everything they eat at the nearest wall to "see if it's done."

Those under the influence of SCP-5268's effects will not find the behavior abnormal. At this point, only food that sticks to a wall when thrown will be deemed fit for consumption by the affected persons. Food that does not stick is given a false attribute, such as being undercooked, stale, or spoiled. Aside from their eating habits, those under the influence of SCP-5268 behave as they usually would and eating food off the wall is not harmful to them.

Discovery: SCP-5268 came to the Foundation's attention when a well-known culinary photographer Daniel Shaw, who possesses a significant online presence, was arrested for disorderly conduct and erratic behavior.

Mr. Shaw attended an upscale restaurant opening in Los Angeles, CA with a group of friends. When his meal was served, he grabbed a handful of his meal and threw it at the nearest wall. His entire dining party followed suit, causing chaos within the establishment. Witnesses said that after throwing part of his meal, he began licking it directly off the wall. Afterwards he attempted to throw more at the wall. The rest of his dining party had remained in their seats to continue their meals. He was accosted by restaurant staff before he could continue.

The entire party expressed confusion and outrage at the arrest of Mr. Shaw, forcing them to be removed from the scene. News of his arrest reached his online followers via a recorded video from one of the dining party, prompting his followers to report similar experiences. Reports of disruptions in public eating establishments became widespread, at which point the Foundation became involved.

After the incidents, a closer look was taken at the photographer's social media presence. Mr. Shaw had posted pictures of meals exclusively consisting of food thrown at a wall for a week and a half prior to the restaurant opening. Further inspection revealed that Mr. Shaw had advertised SCP-5268 as a paid promotion for its debut three and a half weeks prior.

Analysis of comments on later posts revealed SCP-5268 had garnered popularity among his followers. Many of the commenters on Mr. Shaw's social media accounts were seemingly unfazed by the changes in the contents of the images. Two other social media influencers were found to have participated in paid promotions for SCP-5268 and were subsequently administered amnestics. Followers found to be suffering from effects were tracked down and given appropriate treatment.

Addendum

Upon further review of Frederick Hoffman's career, it was discovered that tensions between Chef Hoffman and the rest of the culinary world have been rising for some time. His uncaring approach when plating dishes and chaotic ideals sparked his eventual exit from the world of fine cuisine.

The following is an excerpt of the "Richard and Kelly Daily Dose" morning talk show. After the broadcast, Chef Hoffman exhibited increasing amounts of hostility towards his critics and the world of fine cuisine.

Video Log

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VIDEO LOG

[BEGIN LOG]

Kelly: Now for our next guest, we have someone who's been making waves here in LA, which is really saying something! Please welcome Chef Frederick Hoffman everybody!

Chef Hoffman emerges from stage left and waves. Audience applauds. Chef Hoffman shakes both Kelly's and Richard's hands and sits in the guest chair adjacent to Richard's and Kelly's seats.

Richard: Now folks, Chef Hoffman has made quite the name for himself around town with his unique restaurant. Why don't you tell us a bit about it, Fred?

Chef H: I prefer Frederick actually, I think it suits me, haha. But, yes! My restaurant Pinch of Primal has had a very successful few years. We have a revolutionary dining environment and-

Kelly: OoooOOooo! Primal? Sounds exciting! Do you get to hunt your food down like a caveman?

Chef H: Oh haha no, but I'll consider adding it to the experience. We put more of a focus on the overall functionality and the feel of the eating experience. Our entrees are meant to be shared by multiple people, and we don't offer appetizers. In the case of our solid foods, we also don't offer the conventional silverware that you're probably used to.

Richard: You're kidding! So, shared plates and no silverware, sounds like every man for himself!

Kelly: Sounds messy's more like it! I'm guessing it's not a jacket required typa' place! I just know I'd break a nail eating like that!

Audience laughs

Richard: Better not wear anything you like either! I've seen you with a fork before, talk about messy. You wouldn't stand a chance!

Richard shakes his head sadly and the audience laughs. Kelly pushes his shoulder playfully.

Chef H: Well I'll admit it can get a little messy, but its mostly just the hands. The response from our guests has been good so far. Eating with your hands lets you get more into your food, literally. Let me give you an example, have you ever eaten popcorn while you're by yourself? You don't just eat one, do you? No! You grab a big handful and crunch it all down! It tastes better that way. The satisfa-

Kelly: Popcorn, oh no! All that butter goes straight to my hips.

Richard: Oh man, you don't wanna see me putting away the popcorn, trust me it's not pretty!

Richard rolls his eyes dramatically and mimes licking his fingers. Audience laughs.

Chef H: Well, haha, yes, I'm sure. Well, you see Richard, that's the point I was headed towards. Food doesn't need to be pretty and neither does eating it. Everyone tries so hard not to make a mess while eating, and the result is that you don't get to enjoy your food to the fullest extent. You're too conscious of everyone else. What if you get some on your face, or drop it off your plate, or take too big of a bite, or this, or that. I think it's all a lot of unnecessary nonsense. My philosophy is tha-

Richard: I think my wife might strangle me if I started talking like that! The kids would go nuts! I'd bet your ideas are pretty popular with younger crowd, 'ey Fred?

Kelly: I'm sure they are! My 3 year old would love this! She's been having a tough time with learning how to use a fork, haha!

Richard: Boy, I bet you keep the dry cleaners in business. You've got to spend a fortune on stain removal!

Kelly: You wouldn't happen to have your dry cleaner's number would you? They must be a magician!

Kelly, Richard, and the audience laugh.

Chef H: Haha, well, haha, no. It's ah, it's not really as hard as you might think to just eat with your hands. It's perfectly natural, of course. It's not until we're pressed on by societal standards that we stop using our hands to eat things that aren't considered "finger food." My aim is to break down those walls, and let people enjoy food without all the fluff.

Kelly: I have to say, this is the first time I've heard anyone call a fork fluff.

Chef H: Well, it's not just utensils I'm referring to. I think the emphasis most people put on food having to look pretty and orderly is unnecessary too. I'd even go so far as to say it harms the flavor of most dishes.

Richard: Ah, you lost me on that one, Fred. How does foo-

Chef H: Frederick.

Richard: OH, right, right, Frederick. How does food looking pretty make it taste worse? I mean, all those fancy restaurants have got to be doing something right, right?

Chef H: Well, have you ever eaten at one of those ridiculously fancy places? The portions are unsatisfying, and they put so much thought and energy into the colors, placement, and look of the dish that something is lost. They add things that people don't even want to eat.

Kelly: I wouldn't say that, I mean it's all food, just because it's pretty doesn't mean it tastes bad.

Chef H: Ok, how about fondant? Its widely used by bakeries for wedding cakes, birthday cakes, basically any kind of special occasion that you could get a cake for. If you've ever been to a party that has a cake like that, you'll notice that the fondant is left on the plate. No one actually eats the stuff. It's edible, but its got a terrible texture and its almost flavorless. It's become common practice to add ornamentation to these cakes that serves no purpose, besides to make it look a certain way. What's the point of having food that looks good but tastes bad?

Kelly: Well not everything is a piece of cake, Fred.

Richard: And speaking of good looking food, I know someone who makes food look and taste good. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a surprise guest today, please welcome Chef Eric McArthur!

Chef H: What?

Chef McArthur enters from stage left waving and strikes a pose at center stage, audience cheers and applauds. Chef Hoffman turns violently in his seat at his entrance. Kelly and Richard stand to shake hands and greet Chef McArthur. Chef Hoffman remains seated.

Chef H: What is he doing here? Nobody told me about this.

Chef M: Aw, come on Frederino, be a good sport! I'm-

Chef H: It's Frederick.

Chef M: -a surprise guest. Wouldn't be much of a surprise if you knew, now would it?

Chef H: This was your idea wasn't it? You got them to invite me so you could make a fool of me like you always do.

Chef M: Oh, I think you manage that just fine on your own.

Chef H: Listen here, you pompous-

Kelly: Aaaand big hand everybody for Chef Frederick!

Chef H: No, hey-

Richard: Thanks so much for coming on, Fred. Up next, Chef Eric has some great tips to share from his new book, right after these commercials!

The audience applauds as the program cuts to commercial. When it resumes, Chef Hoffman is no longer onstage.

[END LOG]

A line of previously overlooked importance has been identified from the "About the Author" section of SCP-5268.

Chef Hoffman is currently being held in Foundation custody. He has refused to answer questions regarding how he manufactured SCP-5268's memetic effect thus far. It is suspected that he enlisted the help of an outside entity or organization. An investigation is under way.

Excerpt from Chef Hoffman's Author Bio

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"For those who continue to so fondly refer to me as a half-baked chef, you have forced my hand. I've said it before and I'll echo it ten thousand times more. Art belongs on the wall, not on a plate."