by ParallelPotatoes

Item#: 7782

Containment Class: safe

Secondary Class: none

Disruption Class: dark

Risk Class: notice

SCP-7782

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-7782 is kept in a specialized anomalous storage locker that prevents rotting.

Description: SCP-7782 is a sapient gala apple capable of speech. The method by which it speaks is unknown.

Discovery: On February 14th 2023, SCP-7782 spontaneously manifested on Doctor Yellowstone's desk alongside a valentines day card with the text "You are the apple of my eye!" The following interaction was recorded by security cameras in Doctor Yellowstone's office.

<Begin Log>

SCP-7782: Hey there, doc. Some might bake you into an apple pie, but I'd bake you into a cutie pie.

Doctor Yellowstone: Oh, hello. Thank you, I guess. How did you get in here?

SCP-7782: I fell from the tree right into your basket1. Speaking of which, if I saw you on a tree, I'd climb to the top just to pick you.

Doctor Yellowstone: I'm flattered, but no thank you. Have you heard of the Smith-Malus anomalous scientific law? It states that "an apple a day keeps the doctor away."

SCP-7782: Dang. Well, it was nice to meet you anyways!

<End Log>

Addendum 1: As of July 17th 2023, SCP-7782 has made romantic advances towards fifty-three Foundation Personnel, twenty-two sapient SCP objects, and one picture of a potted plant. None of these individuals have reciprocated SCP-7782's advances, and it has not made advances towards individuals who have declined previously. Researcher Wadsworth offered to introduce it to one of the Foundation's artificial intelligences. However, SCP-7782 declined, as the artificial intelligences do not run on Apple-branded computers.

Addendum 2: To test how SCP-7782 interacts with mundane objects, a non-anomalous red delicious apple was placed in its containment locker. The following was recorded after.

<Begin Log>

SCP-7782: Hey, Wadsworth. Who's that?

Researcher Wadsworth: That's an apple2.

SCP-7782: She's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. I'm gonna go talk to her.

SCP-7782 rolls closer to the apple.

SCP-7782: Uh, hi. I'm Johnny.

The apple is silent.

SCP-7782: I, um, just wanted to say I think you're beautiful.

The apple remains silent.

SCP-7782: Do you want to get to know each other?

The apple continues being silent.

<End Log>

The mundane apple remained in SCP-7782's containment locker at its request, and it continued to talk to the mundane apple despite the fact that the mundane apple has yet to verbally respond.

Addendum 3: Two engagement rings were found embedded in SCP-7782 and the mundane apple a year following Addendum 2. Nine months after the previous event, an apple seed with a tiny pacifier was found in SCP-7782's containment locker.