An article about Benjamin Franklin's magical wish granting phallus.

Poor Richard.

Anyway, this is a coldpost but I don't care, it had to be done.

Image is public domain and source is here: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:BenFranklinDuplessis.jpg

Historical portrait of SCP-3313-1

Item #: SCP-3313

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3313 is, once recovered, to be kept in a high value containment chamber on floor 46 of Site-88. This chamber should utilize at least 2 of the extant overlapping Scranton Reality Anchor fields on that floor to suppress the reality altering effects of SCP-3313. Individuals are not allowed to come into direct physical contact with SCP-3313.

Until recovered, communications from any national or private space program's orbital assets are to be reviewed by Mobile Task Force Kappa-12 ("The French Courtiers") for information regarding SCP-3313. Any information recovered in this manner is to be utilized in locating and recovering SCP-3313.

SCP-3313-1 is, once recovered, to be kept in a standard humanoid containment cell at Site-19.

Description: SCP-3313 is the severed penis of Benjamin Franklin (hereby referred to as SCP-3313-1). Despite having no biological support system, SCP-3313 appears resistant to both damage and decay. When in physical contact with any individual, SCP-3313 provides that individual with reality altering capabilities roughly analogous with that of a Class II reality altering entity.

SCP-3313's provided reality altering capabilities are vocal in nature, and individuals incapable of verbally communicating requests are believed to be incapable of utilizing the object in this manner. Requests made by individuals in physical contact with SCP-3313 are, when within SCP-3313's capacity to grant, fulfilled immediately. These requests are generally fulfilled in an exact and literal manner.

SCP-3313 was recovered as part of a previously unknown collection of SCP-3313-1's personal effects from his time in Paris, France. The object's anomalous properties were immediately discovered once the object itself was identified. Foundation DNA testing confirmed the object belonged to either a close relative of SCP-3313-1 or SCP-3313-1 itself. Incident Omega 54, however, has provided enough context to conclude that SCP-3313 was in fact SCP-3313-1's penis.

+ Show Excerpt of Incident Omega 54 Documentation

Incident Omega 54 Documentation Relating to SCP-3313

On July 3rd 2017, the Chaos Insurgency completed a ritual to resurrect several of the United States' founding fathers in an effort to complete a coup of the US Government. Included in this ritual were George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, Alexander Hamilton, and SCP-3313-1.

Current dossiers recovered by the SCP Foundation indicate that in addition to various anomalous properties possessed by these 5 individuals, SCP-3313-1 possessed no penis. Further information on these anomalous properties may be found in Document Omega 54-J.

All 5 individuals escaped Chaos Insurgency custody by July 6th, and are currently at large. Prior to this incident, SCP-3313 was kept in a standard containment chamber in the low value containment division of Site-88. On July 9th, SCP-3313-1 gained access to Site-88's low value containment division and was allowed to come into contact with SCP-3313.

The methods by which this was achieved are still unknown and audio records of the incident are not available. 4 seconds after physical contact was achieved SCP-3313 began to generate thrust in a similar manner to that of a chemical rocket engine and both SCP-3313 and SCP-3313-1 escaped the site upwards. This escape damaged all 8 of the above floors, though SCP-3313-1 appears to have avoided physical harm.

Current calculations indicate that SCP-3313 and SCP-3313-1's acceleration was insufficient to gain true escape velocity, though the parabola will take several months to complete. The projected landing location is currently unknown.

Poor Richard

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