by AnActualCrow & Modulum

.

Item#: SCP-6590-D

Containment Class: Decommissioned

Secondary Class: none

Disruption Class: none

Risk Class: none

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-6590 is to remain blacklisted by all Foundation web-sweepers. Research into how SCP-6590 propagates and more effective methods of containing SCP-6590 is considered a top priority.

Description: SCP-6590 is a Flash movie file containing a large quantity of classified Foundation information. This includes details regarding numerous contained anomalies, multiple of which are designated as Top Secret. The file also references multiple unknown entities which are presumed to be either anomalies above the classification of this document1 or anomalies that have yet to be contained by the Foundation.

SCP-6590 propagates via an unknown method, with additional instances appearing on any site which publicly hosts and streams Flash movie files. Accounts posting new SCP-6590 instances are unable to be connected to any human or other sentient being. An ongoing investigation as to the origins of SCP-6590 is being conducted by the Internal Security Department.

Internal Statement on SCP-6590 Containment

We don't particularly understand how SCP-6590 creates copies of itself. Granted, not understanding how things work is par for the course with the Foundation. Typically, and I say "typically" even though we've only had a handful of anomalies on the internet, we don't need to know. New copy of an anomaly shows up, one of our web-sweepers squashes it before any civvies see it, end of story. But 6590 is fast. Really fast. Our web-sweepers print out a ticket every time they wipe an anomaly off the internet, and 6590 has us changing the paper rolls three times a day. We're doing our best to keep up, but we need to pin down how this thing is propagating if we want to properly contain it.

I'd be a bit less anxious if the anomaly was just some creepy video. I don't want this information to end up in the hands of people that want us gone and I certainly don't want the public to realize that this isn't some sort of weird internet joke.

— Neil Connors2, September 2000

Addendum 1: During a containment breach at Site-40, a fire rendered six of WACT's eight web-sweepers nonoperational for several days. The number of new SCP-6590 instances detected by Foundation web-sweepers subsequently decreased by nearly 75% for the duration of the repairs.

So we lose 3/4 of our web-sweepers, and suddenly SCP-6590 propagation drops by 3/4. I was just as surprised as anyone else. One hypothesis was that our two web-sweepers just weren't finding 3/4 of the new instances, but we didn't see a drop in new instances of any other web-anomaly. It took longer for us to find them, sure, but it still found them. Our current hypothesis is that the propagation of SCP-6590 is somehow connected to us either looking for or finding SCP-6590. Needless to say, the Internal Security Department has been more secretive around my team since the discovery.

— Neil Connors, June 2002

Addendum 2: Four additional web-sweepers were produced with the express purpose of more effectively containing SCP-6590. Effort was rendered ineffective when SCP-6590 propagation increased by approximately 50%.

We need as much help as we can get, but everyone's been side-eyeing us lately. Rumor has it that there's a mole in our department that's been rigging our sweepers to create SCP-6590. According to the rumor, that's why Internal Security is always snooping around our offices. I smell bullshit. We've been slowly losing ground to this thing, but anyone with ill intentions would be much better off removing 6590 from the sweeper blacklist. Do that during lunch and every person with an internet connection will know about the Foundation before dinner. It would be suicide on the mole's part, but it would be a hell of a lot more destructive than the creeping spread we're seeing now.

That's what I'd say to Internal Security if I didn't already have a target on my back. For now, all we can do is collect more data and prove that this isn't an inside job.

— Neil Connors, January 2003

Addendum 3:

Direct Request To The 05 Council

08/08/2007

Ever since the discovery of SCP-6590, the Web Anomalies Containment Team has been regarded with heavy suspicion. The frequent investigations, interrogations, and general interference of the Internal Security Department with our team has made routine operations slow and arduous. This has, in the case of the currently unclassified anomaly (code name "lonely blogger"), resulted in WACT being unable to react with necessary speed to effectively contain an anomaly.

As far as we are aware, the main reason the ISD has been investigating our team is the belief that one or more team members are intentionally spreading SCP-6590. Research from external departments (attached separately) suggests that a new SCP-6590 instance is created every time an existing SCP-6590 instance is accessed. This would explain why the use of our web-sweepers led to an increase in SCP-6590 propagation and why our web-sweepers have been unable to properly contain SCP-6590. More importantly, it explains how these are possible without treason on behalf of our team members.

As this is our best-supported theory of how SCP-6590 works, I propose the following on behalf of WACT:

Provide additional funding to WACT for developing and implementing alternate methods of containment.

Provide additional personnel (and accompanying office space) to WACT for developing and implementing alternate methods of containment.

Dismiss the ISD investigation into WACT regarding SCP-6590.

Proposition 1: APPROVED

Proposition 2: APPROVED

Proposition 3: DENIED

We're dealing with a hydra here. We cut off a head before it bites us, and two take its place. And we've been cutting and cutting, and when we ask the Overseers for help they hand us another sword. We can't use another sword as long as the ISD is holding our arm behind our back.

It's going to be a lot of work getting the newbies on. Hopefully they'll help us find a more permanent solution to our hydra.

— Neil Connors, January 2008

Due to the upcoming shift in the Web Anomalies Containment Team's size and the scale of their operations, WACT was renamed the Department of Web Anomaly Containment.

Addendum 4:

Review of Current SCP-6590 Containment Measures

February 2015

MEASURE A: Removal of SCP-6590 via Foundation web-sweepers.

SCP-6590 has been on our web-sweeper blacklist for as long as we've known about it. We've also known that our web-sweepers are incapable of reducing the number of SCP-6590 instances present on the internet at any given time. However, we predict that removing individual SCP-6590 instances as soon as we can will slow the rate at which SCP-6590 is viewed. The process is worth the electrical bills.

MEASURE B: Use of Foundation shell companies to influence multiple technology companies.

The full extent of our operations is classified, but I can say this much: to all the flustered accountants, this is where the money goes. We've been going after the hosts, the major players putting SCP-6590 in front of civvies. Pushing and pushing these companies for god knows how long, and we're finally seeing the fruits of our labor. YouTube's ditching Flash and switching to html5. Sweep SCP-6590 off that site one more time and it won't be able to come back.

SCP-6590 isn't dead. Not by a long shot. But cutting it off from its biggest source of views calls for free donuts in the break room. You're welcome.

We're going to keep pushing other companies, in case that wasn't obvious.

Our push to have YouTube switch to html5 was… less effective than we had expected, to say the least. For the first time, we had lowered the number of SCP-6590 instances out there, but it turns out that YouTube was one of the safest places for SCP-6590 to end up. It had a much larger userbase, but it also had so much content that SCP-6590 would get completely buried. We didn't know it at the time, but just about no one saw the instances that ended up on YouTube.

Once YouTube ported over to html5, the density of SCP-6590 instances on other sites increased. Our web-sweepers found them quicker, but they had a much bigger splash in those small communities. Amnestics wouldn't have done anything. Even if we put in the legwork to track down every viewer and amnestized them, another copy of the video would just pop into their feed a few days later. Parawatch doesn't seem to realize what the video means (thank god). We're trying to control the damage and hoping that the leaks just end up as some lost media people half remember, but it's been hell for my blood pressure. Not to mention ISD is still looking for whoever created 6590.

Hercules' nephew stopped the Hydra's heads from regrowing by cauterizing the necks. I think YouTube was one of those necks, but our work isn't going to get any easier until we've dealt with all of them.

— Neil Connors, September 2015

Addendum 5: DoWAC's size and funding have been expanded in tandem with the gradual increase in SCP-6590 instances. Over the past several months, the Internal Security Department in cooperation with the Overseer Council has been searching for a suitable assistant director to Neil Connors. As of March 19, 2018, no suitable candidate has been found.

Internal Security Department File #073213

Source: Hidden microphone

Location: Office of Director Neil Connors

Date: 08/01/2018

Connors: Ahem… Welcome everybody to DoWAC's ten year anniversary party!… Wait for applause… Now, many of you in this room have been a part of this department since the beginning. A smaller group of you were around back when we were the Web Anomalies Containment Team. But regardless of how long you have or haven't been with us, I wanted to thank you all for the work that you've done. Together, we've helped contain dozens of anomalies. We've done work no other department is capable of doing. And as far I'm concerned, we're pretty darn good at it. I think that's something worth celebrating… Wait for applause again…

I imagine I've ranted to everyone about this at some point or another, but many of our advancements have been made to better contain one singular anomaly. SCP-6590 may predate this department— but we are on the path to containing it. I'm not allowed to tell you exactly when or how, but I'm confident that most of the people in this room will be working here on the day we get this viral web-anomaly under control.

On a more personal note, my daughter was born a few weeks before we discovered SCP-6590. In my head, my— our fight against 6590 was always tied to her growing up. I wanted that file to be gone before her tenth birthday, then before she started high school, and now before she finishes it. And we've made progress, sure, but it's not going to happen before June. And I know that these markers are arbitrary, I really do. But it's just so… surreal, knowing that my baby is going to be off in Michigan and this thing is still going to be a part of my life…

No, no I need to cut that. Can't have that in the speech…

… And so eventually we realized that the nuclear option was the only option. We had to hold every bloody stump to the fire all at the same time. In this case, that meant having the right coders in the right companies working day in and day out finding exploits, little vulnerabilities in the system. It meant picking and prying and nudging the tech world over and over in the direction we wanted them to go. Did it work?

Of course it did.

— Neil Connors, September 2018

Addendum 6:

last updated September 3, 2020 12:34pm

What Adobe Killing Flash Will Mean For The Internet

Things will never be the same after December 31st, 2020

Ask any millennial or member of Gen Z about Adobe Flash and they'll probably regale you with stories of games played in class or old animations they would watch on Newgrounds.com. This treasure trove of internet content will soon be closed for good as Adobe Flash Player, the technical backbone of an immeasurable volume of games and videos, will lose support from its creators…

SCP-6590 has been re-classified as decommissioned.

I'm going to buy myself a bottle of Cognac and take a few days off. I've damn well earned it.

— Neil Connors, January 2021

I managed to scrape the audio from 6590 before Flash died. It's just an mp3 file, so it's non-anomalous. It's my version of trophy antlers. This song used to keep me up at night, but someone should be able to get some enjoyment out of it.

▶ Open Transcript ◀

▷ Close Transcript ◁

Old 682 was hoppin' around

Site-19 like a big playground

When suddenly hot Cain burst from the shade

and hit '82 with a baby grenade

The lizard got pissed and began to squeal

but didn't expect an attack from the Eel

Who proceeded to squirt Y-9-0-9

Then a ticking bird said "You're out of time."

The bird was stalking Cain with its beady eyes

but bumped into Larry and was liquefied

Before 106 could retreat to its lair

The sculpture appeared and he had to stare

Cain snuck up on Larry when he was distracted

he got really close and then [REDACTED]

Then Able got involved and they had a fight

While 372 stayed out of sight

This is the XK-Class Event of ultimate destiny

Good guys bad guys and explosions

No time for bureaucracy

And maybe no one survives

We'll just have to wait and see

This is the XK-Class Event of ultimate destiny

Nobody went and punched Cain in the face

So Murphy Law hopped onto the case

But 106 was still clinging to life

until he got stabbed by the DEATH KNIFE

Damien was looking at some weird looking fruit

when he was sucker punched by a guy in a space suit

The moon man was roasting in Tiamat's flames

while a well-dressed rabbit was off taking names

Tiamat was going to burn the rabbit too

but she got pounced on by the catgirl crew

Pesterbot watched and it didn't do jack

even though it had said it would have her back

Tiamat said "Wow, you sure are pathetic."

"Either you lied or you're on an amnestic."

Before she could say more, two fists came down

from a king with a noose and clear lack of a crown

This is the XK-Class Event of ultimate destiny

Good guys bad guys and explosions

No time for bureaucracy

And maybe no one survives

We'll just have to wait and see

This is the XK-Class Event—

Platforms sang out

In immaculate chorus

For there was the ghost

of a stegosaurus

It swung its spiked tail

with the strength to end lives

and smacked it right into

Every O5

As they all lay dead

their blood on the floor

as a scared Pesterbot

hid behind a door

but the dino saw

where the bot tried to hide

and crushed it to pieces

in between its thighs

Then a bear that's a proof and a bear that's a Pole

and a floating skin blob that's full of undead souls

A gun that makes you teeny, a green-eyed meanie

Vivian Scout and a Spam can genie

NekoBright, vibrator, dragons and the Dragonslayer

Wicker Witch (not a snitch) super-duper fastball pitch

Volcanic destroyer and ice cream enjoyer

Red, the wed undead, and man boilers

All came out of nowhere lightning fast

And they kicked that dino in its scaly ass

With anomalies out there all trading hits

and the masquerade being torn to bits

The fight raged on for a century

Many lives were claimed but eventually

The champion stood

With no time to gloat

Zyn Kiryu in a blood-stained lab coat

This is the XK-Class Event of ultimate destiny

Good guys bad guys and explosions

No time for bureaucracy

And maybe no one survives

We'll just have to wait and see

This is the XK-Class Event

(This is the XK-Class Event)

This is the XK-Class Event

(This is the XK-Class Event)

This is the XK-Class Event of ultimate destiny

Footnotes

1. The Overseer Council will not accept inquiries into any Cosmic Top Secret information that may or may not be present in SCP-6590.

2. Head of the Web Anomalies Containment Team (WACT), now known as the Department of Web Anomaly Containment (DoWAC)

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