My one regret is I couldn't work in a joke about interrobangs.

This is how the world ends.

by Doctor Cimmerian

A typical example of an episode's title card.

Item #: SCP-6613

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: Information asserting that SCP-6613 is a mundane parody of traditional soap operas and telenovelas has been disseminated to the public.

Additional measures are unnecessary as SCP-6613 is not strong enough to be detected by most terrestrial receivers.1

Description: SCP-6613 is an analog television signal in the 700 MHz range originating from a stationary source approximately 64 kilometers above Wichita, Kansas. The content (A soap opera titled "Period Drama") is broadcast between 0200 to 0300 local time. The program (which is broadcast in English with poorly translated Spanish subtitles) follows the Periadós, a wealthy ranch owning family. Several subplots involve the financial and romantic troubles of the working class individuals surrounding the central family.

The starring individuals of the program are anthropoid examples of punctuation. Their resemblance to humans varies between individuals, though each has arms, legs, and a face, regardless of the type of punctuation they represent. Only named characters appear as punctuation. The remainder of the characters are baseline humans. Human characters treat the stars of the drama as though they were human in almost all interactions.

The program is generally structured with a cold open, then opening title screen, followed by the remainder of the episode. Various commercials are presented throughout. All content broadcast alongside the program, as well as the program itself, are produced by Vikander-Kneed Technical Media.

The following is a typical example of the program's cold open.

Maria Periadós, a comma, is seen in a hospital bed. Jonathan Millon, a question mark, paces outside the room as a number of doctors attend to Maria's needs. Maria appears to be in pain, and it is slowly revealed that she is in labor and will soon give birth.

Jonathan is comforted by Ruiz Sánchez, a colon. The two appear startled as Maria cries out, and Jonathan bursts into the hospital room.

The doctor slowly turns to face the camera with a bundled child and speaks.

"It's… it's a semi-colon."

The camera pans over to Ruiz who is standing at the door. There is a delay of 3.4 seconds as the sounds of the crying child can be heard in the background and the camera slowly zooms in on Ruiz's face.

Smash cut to black. The title card slowly fades in.

Period Drama

Episode 96. The Pregnant Pause.

Attempts to locate the object producing SCP-6613 broadcasts are currently underway.

Footnotes

1. Civilian reception of the analog signal is now impossible with commercial grade equipment as the Foundation's Anomalous Broadcast Security Directive has transitioned the US market to use digital signals only.