Fruit and sugar are brewed into wine and aged over months before turning sour.

🕰️ Word Count: 11k Words 🕰️

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SCP-8450: "All vinegar comes from wine"

by: VapidPoem

Critiqued by flembus, Merehrab, Daloohn, and Miss Lapis.

⚠️ Content warning: Article portrays a toxic relationship and cheating. Themes of homophobia are present throughout the article.

⚠️ content warning

Item #: SCP-8450

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: Although SCP-8450 does not require exterior assistance to initiate the regrowth process, it is to be stored in an unlit room kept at 23° Celsius in order to shorten regrowth periods as much as possible. Sections of SCP-8450 no greater than 50% of its mass may be removed by the Site-19 culinary staff for the purpose of brewing vinegar.

Description: SCP-8450 is a 900-gram biofilm consisting of cellulose and acetic acid bacteria1. SCP-8450 is able to regrow lost mass over time without exterior assistance. The time frame in which regeneration occurs within SCP-8450 exponentially increases in accordance with how much of SCP-8450 has been removed.

SCP-8450 was recovered on 23/MAR/2011. A paper document detailing the supposed creation of SCP-8450 was retrieved alongside it. The author of the paper is currently unknown, as whoever wrote the document used various names across its creation.

How to make wine.

I want to preface this by saying, I don't know if this is going to become a hobby or not. If it's something I do and practice for the rest of my life, it'd be great! But, I'm not even sure if I'll commit to this yet. Alas, I'm going to try.

So, basically, a very close friend of mine brews his own wine. He's sort've been an awakening for me. Whenever he finishes a batch, he invites me over and we have a drink. I've bought and read a few books on fermentation, and I think I've got this sorted out. Main thing I'd be worried about are preservatives, but I don't think they're that big of an issue.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

What?

I talked to Mrs. Golde on the phone. Turns out, you haven't even gone to her house yet.

Oh, and that's a really big problem?

Yes, it is! Do you want to end up alone and dying in your 50's?

No. Of course not.

Then why won't you give that Golde girl a chance? Mrs. Golde says her daughter is very delightful.

Because I haven't even met her before now. Whenever I meet a girl, I want it to be something natural. Not-

Henry, I want grandchildren. I want your father to be able to see his grandkids before he smokes or drinks himself to death.

I want to finish college first.

They aren't exclusive. You can always do both! Or finish college later.

I'll find someone in Blackwater, mom. Someone that'll be the one.

Really?

I promise.

Don't disappoint your father, Henry.

I won't.

…

Why are you so adamant on refusing to go into dorms?

I just- don't really want to.

Henry!

Look, I found this guy who will split rent with me. It comes out to about $50 a month.

You're forgetting bills, food, and transportation! As opposed to just living on campus and having most of those reduced, if not gone.

I'd rather have the peace of mind of my own house than dorms.

You're being an idiot!

Mom!

You're- If you don't listen to me, you will regret it! You could be roommates with a serial killer!

Remember Davey?

No?

Yeah, I think Dad knew him more. We used to go to school together until he moved, but we've been in contact and found out we're both going to Blackwater. Ask Dad about him.

Oh, I will!

Look, I need to start packing soon, anyway. Can we talk about this later?

Fine. But it's not too late to change your choice! I can help you talk to the school and get you into dorms if you want.

Thanks… Love you, Mom…

I was helping my neighbor the other day get his groceries into his kitchen. My idea of home-fermenting came up while we were talking, and I walked away with 3 pounds of blackberries from his daughter's farm. It's going to be a few days before I can start fermenting, but I guess I decided on which flavor it is.

Davey!

Henry!

Jesus, man. It's been so long.

Yeah, it took me all of yesterday and today to get moved in.

How'd that go?

Eh. It's a lot easier than getting everything packed and moving it into the truck, but still hard work.

I feel you.

How much more stuff do you have in your car?

Uh, about a box full.

Only that?!

Hey, not everyone's some trillionaire who chose to bring every little trinket they own to university.

I wish I could bring everything. There's so much cool shit I wish I remembered to pack.

You are a lost case, Davey Whittaker.

Well, if you have nothing to unpack then why don't you help me with my stuff?

Well… I do have that one box, after all-

Man-

Hell yeah, I will.

Thanks.

Supposedly, this will be pretty easy. I get an equal part of sugar to the berries, a packet of brewers yeast, and 1 and 2/3rds parts of boiling water. Mixed up the sugar, berries, and water in this plastic bucket they sold to me as a "jug" and waited for the water to cool down.

If the water's too hot when you put the yeast in, all of the yeast will die. So I ended up waiting about half an hour to put in the yeast so the whole thing was room temperature. Then, I had to wait another 10 minutes for the yeast to bloom before I could mix it all up.

Now, it's just a whole lot of waiting around…

Blackwater University

Not chosen for financial assistance.

Hello, Henry.

Congratulations on successfully applying to attend Blackwater University next year! We are impressed with your academic record, alongside your consistency and patience in attempting to pursue our financial assistance program.

The application pool this year was very competitive and very selective, with hundreds applying! After careful deliberation and analysis of your request, we have chosen to deny your application. We hope you take time to process and understand our rationale. Feel free to attempt to enroll in financial assistance programs next year!

- Cisco Hedricks

Enrollment Committee

I. Spilt. Half. Of. The. Fucking. Batch.

It's probably closer to 2/3rds, honestly. It doesn't matter. It's still like 1-2 pounds. I'm adding some more water and sugar to it. I'm also going to add another… Half-packet? Something around that - of yeast. Hopefully, I can save it. But, I don't know. I'll just have to see.

Welcome back.

Hey.

How was your day?

Pretty good. Had a lecture this morning and was almost late to work.

I mean, they don't really care about that if it's only a few minutes. Do they?

No, no. Not usually, at least. Gary is really relaxed with stuff like that.

So bad news is that we're out of pasta sauce. The good news is that I'm making us pasta.

I got paid the other day. I can run down to the store and get some.

We don't need to. But, we do need to focus on saving money.

Save $2 on a jar of marinara?

It adds up.

I've been putting in arguably way too many hours at that mill. A few bucks off of my check every week for stuff like that isn't going to hurt.

I know. But, Henry-

What?

Have you ever considered dorm rooms?

…

…

No.

Come on-

I'm not going to live in some rowdy-ass dorm room where people keep me up until 6 a.m. with how loud they are.

I can always cover your half.

Definitely not!

-only for a few months. It wouldn't be forever.

I can't do that!

…

Also, remember Gary?

Yeah?

Turns out, he's gay!

He's gay?!

Yeah. Just confessed to me. The strangest thing is - he tried to hide it! Just kept it casual.

What? Did he say something like "Oh, hey Henry. Over here! Did you move that wood like I asked? By the way, I'm super gay! Also, did you secure it properly?

Nothing like that, no. Well, sort of. He just said he had a boyfriend and moved on.

Huh-

It's really weird. You know - to just hide something like that. I don't know if I-

Actually, think you could get us that sauce?

Marinara?

Yeah, from the store.

Are you sure? What about wasting-

I'm sure. I have a $10 bill on the table. Use that.

Alright. Thanks. See you in a bit.

Bye.

It's summertime! Which means that hours are going to start to get really, really competitive. I'm not too worried, usually Paul schedules the supervisors decently. But, it still is noticeably less hours. Then you got the stress of the raised sales, training new people, and a bunch more work.

Yesterday, I siphoned the blackberry wine from the "jug" into a glass bottle for their second fermentation. Well, first I had to strain out all of the berries. But then I was able to siphon it. Once again, I'm left to wait for stuff to start happening.

Henry! You're on the clock?

Yep.

Great! I'm going to put you on the forklift for now. At least, for an hour or so. Might have you cycle around a bit while people go on breaks.

Okay.

Fermín's going out later to buy snacks for the next week. If you want to request anything.

I think I'll pass.

Make sure they last - we need to still have some of them left over for all of next week.

I will. I think I'm being scheduled around 50 hours next week. I'm motivated enough to leave some behind.

I'm working 72, here.

I don't even get why Paul is making us do this.

Paul says it's so the workload is easier for us year-round. I think it's just some promotional crap to get building companies into business with him.

I feel like there are better ways for publicity than doing the buyout every year.

Probably. But, at least the pay is great. Paul gives anyone who works more than 48 hours a $3 an hour raise for the week.

No shit?

The downside is that whatever time in your shift that isn't a break is spent doing constant labor.

If I'm being honest, I'll probably start asking for more hours that week.

Why?

What?

What's the point in overworking yourself more than you need to?

I need the money. Don't want college debt to loom over me.

Yeah, I get you. Took me like 10 years to pay mine off. But, trust me, putting in an extra few hours isn't going to help you that much. Especially compared to how much more work you're going to do.

Eh, I really need the money.

Whatever you choose to do with your own time is up to you. But I think you might want to think about it a bit more before asking for extra hours.

Do you have a problem with it?

Hell no. An extra pair of hands are always welcome.

Then there's nothing wrong with it.

…

Henry! Over here for a second. I have a quick question.

Yeah?

Is me dating Lee a problem to you?

What?

I mean- you acted weird when you didn't even know for sure. Then you acted weird when I told you I was gay. So, I need to know - is it going to be a problem?

Hell no. I'm fine with it.

…

I'm sorry.

About?

Just - how I reacted to finding out. You're like- the first person I've ever met that was… yeah.

It's fine.

I don't know. It's just been on my mind since then. I should've reacted differently. I don't know why I reacted like that.

If I remember right, we're both off at 6? I'm probably going to stay until 6:20/6:30, anyway. If you stick around, I can get you a beer and we can talk it over. Alright?

If you want to do that.

Great. Now, stop loitering around and get working.

Beer is a strange thing. 99% of the time, it tastes like piss. But the thing is, the more you keep drinking beer, the more you start to remember it as tasting good. Then, when you drink enough of it, it starts tasting really good. The reason I'm saying this is because there was a deal where I could buy a six-pack and get one for free - which I am only partially ashamed to have bought.

There is a reason hanging out with your buddies drinking beer until you're all wasted is popular. Well, three reasons. A great time, hanging out with the boys, and waking up the next day hungover. Specifically when you start to piece together everything that you said, thought, and realized the night before and make sense of it. Because that starts to make you come to certain realizations about yourself and a specific person around you.

I'm worried about the wine - how it's going to turn out. It's a very passive process. But, a whole lot can go wrong. What if I made it wrong? What if it becomes something nasty in the end? What if I followed a bad recipe? What if I made one of a million mistakes I could've made?

I'm just anxious about it, but I really want this to come out right.

Welcome back.

Hey.

Are you ready?

No, not yet. Give me an hour or two. I need to take a nap and get some water first.

Alright. Just tell me when you're ready.

…

Okay. I'm ready.

Where is this spot, anyway?

It's on some old hiking trail an hour out of town. It leads to a clearing and you get a perfect view of the sky.

If we want to watch a movie, we've got to pick it up now. We might not be back before the Blockbuster closes.

Pick anything, yet?

The Thing.

Huh. Isn't that like… A shitty-ass horror movie?

I've heard it's good.

From who?

Film students. They know their shit.

Let's hit the road.

After you.

I spent a lot of time picking this spot. I think you're going to love it.

Can't wait!

Let's see if we can catch the northern lights.

I hate the weather in Oregon. You go through the extremes of everything. Blizzards, rain, floods, heatwaves, droughts, fires, earthquakes, and all of the nasty days you can imagine.

But, there are a few weeks hidden in the year that are perfect.

Toward the end of summer going into fall, you have such beautiful weather. Nights go down to just-chilly-enough, days go to barely being warm, and it has the most beautiful sunsets you could imagine. A day where you can hike out into the middle of nowhere, pour a cool glass of wine, and just enjoy the beautiful sky.

We need to see it. At least a glimpse of it. Anything!

We'll see it. I know we'll see it. We just need to drive a bit more.

I thought we'd see it by now. But, we aren't at the spot yet.

When we get there, we should see it.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Fuck! Where is it? The forecast said we should be able to see the lights up here.

I- I fucking scouted out this spot for 3 weeks!

...

It's alright. It's just- infuriating. I guess.

I put so much effort into finding this spot.

I need to tell you something…

And I'm not too sure I'd be able to tell you this in any other way, in any other place.

I wanted this something to be special. For you, and me.

And I wanted where it was to be special. A alone place in nature, where we can hear the crickets and the night sky.

...

Davey, I love you.

Fuck it, I'm starting over. Too many things have gone wrong to spend so much money on it - on something that probably won't end up tasting good. I've been thinking about everything that could've gone wrong for a while, that will go wrong. And I've decided it's not worth it to try something I know for a fact won't work out.

So, I'm starting from scratch. I'm going to try to use blueberries this time. Same recipe and everything else. I might put a bit of honey in later on - see how it works out. But, this time, it will be good. It will work out. I know it will.

You're going to do what?

I can't keep this up, Davey. At least, not right now.

You know I've always offered to help pay. If you just said yes! I don't know how much my family would pay, but-

I can't! I don't want to spend the rest of my life in debt to people.

They're my family! And they know you, they like you!

That's not the point. It's not my money! For all I know, they'd come knocking for me to pay it back anyway in a decade or so.

They won't do that!

You don't know how much I want to believe you. But, I can't know that!

Let's say they want the money in a few years, which they won't, then it's the same amount of money. But, no interest! Isn't that good enough?

Or- I could take a gap year. Get a good head start and save up enough to get me through the rest of college. Pay off the debt over the next decade or so - then be debt-free without the possibility of being asked for tens of thousands of dollars all at once!

How do you know that'll work?

I just- I need more time to think on it. But, I think it's a good plan.

Or, you can take the help and they'll let you finish college with barely any debt at all. And, you'll finish college faster!

It's not-

Just- Henry, please. My parents are coming down in 2 weeks. When they're down here, we'll tell them-

No! We are not-

We'll tell them about us, and they'll be willing to help you!

We are not telling them. What if it goes wrong? What if they tell people?!

They won't do that!

If they do, it's over! I go from maybe finishing college 1 or 2 years late, to not even being able to finish college without reasonably thinking I might get fucking lynched!

You know my parents. Do they seem like the type that would do that bullshit?!

I don't really remember them! A lot can change over 5 years. As far as I know, your mom and dad might be homophobic!

My aunt is a lesbian! My dad is a politician! Let's say he does freak out about it and doesn't support it - do you think he'd go around making a big show that he has a gay son? That'd fucking ruin his career if he did. And, he's fine with gay people anyway! He won't do anything.

You're sure?

They'll be fine with it! At worst, they don't help you with it. But, that's the worst that can happen. Nothing else.

When are they coming over?

I think they get here on a Saturday? Look, we can talk things over in the next few weeks! But please, let's at least float it around before you reject it.

If you are really, really sure that they won't freak out over it, it's fine. I guess. But, you aren't going to ask them right away for help. I'm not sure I'm fine asking for their money.

That's fine. Of course, it's fine. It should be your choice! Just- thank you! I'm happy you finally get to meet them and we get to tell them.

I'm glad I didn't give up on brewing this thing entirely. I think I have a serious shot at it this time around. I've been reading the same books, buying new ones, and asking for advice.

I think this is a solid bet. I'm looking forward to it!

You know, I took a picture that night.

A really, really pretty one.

It wasn't able to capture everything - especially not any of the lights.

But, it was beautiful.

That night was the most beautiful night of my life.

This is the most beautiful picture I have ever taken in my entire life.

And, I want you to have it.

My beauty, my star, my beautiful night.

Our special night.

…

But, I don't want it to just be a regular picture.

Especially for you?

No.

I want it to be something different…

A way it can remind you.

Remind you of our special night.

…

Thank you.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Thank you, Davey Whittaker. For letting us be together.

For letting us love each other.

Thank you, for how much I love you.

…

I found a girl who makes custom watches at the uni.

They're pretty good quality.

Real silver and a bunch of other fancy things - she assures me.

But what's most valuable is what the background is.

We can choose what we want it to be.

So, I got you a watch with the background being our special night.

…

And it's for you.

It's a gift - from me, to you.

A special night spent with me and you.

I love you.

And I'll always remember our special night.

One thing you'll find a lot of in Oregon are breweries. Especially in Blackwater. I think there are something like 30 across the entire city. When I first moved here, I remember that you could get beer from employees who bought a bunch to sell to you at like 3 times the price.

Don't know if that's still a thing. It probably is. Back in Coeur d'Alene, my cousin used to buy alcohol I wanted - so long as I paid for it. I got to send him a bottle one day - a homebrewed one. As a thanks.

Babe, is this yours?

Yeah. I mean- it was. But, I was going to give it to you.

Jesus- how much is it? It has to be at least a grand!

$3,200.

Oh my god. Where'd you get this?

From my parents. But, they want it to be spent on the rent and bills for the next few months. And nothing else.

…

Henry?

No.

Henry-

No!

Henry!

No! I'm not accepting this.

It's only 3 months! I looked at your checks and you only made $300 this month.

First off, why are you looking at my checks?

You left them on the couch! I was going to move them anyway and accidentally read them.

"Accidentally". Really?

Your half of the rent, the bills, the food, and everything is barely going to leave you anything left!

I hardly even agreed to your parents helping me with college. Let alone having to come out to them. Now, they're paying for my rent?!

It's only 3 months! You get on your feet, save up a few hundred or a few thousand dollars, then go back to paying rent!

I'm not going to be dependent on them to go to college.

You aren't! You're taking help!

No. I'm not taking this. I'm not using it, I'm not paying with it, I'm not even going to keep touching it.

You aren't doing that.

Yes, I will.

Then I'll send it with my half! Do you want to give the landlord and utilities an extra few hundred a month?

Davey-

You can't let your pride get in the way of your education, here!

It's not my pride-

It's about not owing anyone, yeah. But it's cash! And, they've said that they're only willing to pay up to this.

Only…

Do you think I didn't ask for more?

I didn't think you'd ask for anything at all because I never asked you to do this!

You just-

…

Look, are you still going to pay for your half even if I pay for it with this?

Fucking- fine! We'll use it, I guess. No point not to. But, this isn't becoming a regular fucking thing.

My favorite thing to eat is probably sliced tomatoes. They were something my Dad used to make all of the time. He used to slice them and coat each slice in olive oil, vinegar, and salt. They were, and still are, the best way to eat raw tomatoes. Even then, I used to hate when Dad made pasta sauce from scratch. I'd be less mad if he used way, way less onions. Also if he used any other seasoning than a little bit of salt.

One night, I remember him coming home with a bottle of red wine - a gift from one of his neighbors. I think I was… 10? 9? Around that. He picked two tomatoes, gave them the Murders family treatment, and gave me one. Then, he gave me a mason jar filled with red wine. After I tasted it, he asked me how it was. I told him it was awful, because it was at the time, and he laughed. Told me to remember that taste any time in the future when I wanted to start drinking.

Henry! Come here, real quick.

…

Yeah?

I made you a special something.

Ooh.

Orecchiette pasta, I remember you teaching me how to make it by hand like your dad taught you. I also made chicken parm, and tomato sauce.

You didn't need to-

Henry, I'm sorry about yesterday. I should've asked you first. And, I want to apologize.

Thank you! But again, you didn't need to do this.

Bitch! We still need to eat.

Hah, I guess we do. I mean, I'm not complaining.

…

This is really good.

Do you like it?

Hm? Oh, no. I hate it. Hate it so much. I think you should try to make this again - because this was so bad that you need to keep making it.

Well, if you hate it so much I might as well not do it again-

Now, now. Don't just give up!

…

How'd you make the sauce?

I used at least half of a head of garlic in it. Fried it with a single shallot before putting a few canned tomatoes in it and cooking them until they fell apart. I don't even remember what seasoning I used. I think salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, paprika, basil, thyme, oregano, rosemary, lemon zest, and a bunch of other things. Toward the end, I also poured in a bit of fancy red wine I got as a gift yesterday.

Oh? From who?

A guy named James from the university.

That's nice of him.

I'm glad you like the sauce.

Only thing I could genuinely say is, that I wish you put a bit more onions in it. But that might be my dad talking through me.

Blackwater's going through a bit of a cold snap right now. I was panicking, trying to make sure that the wine was in a warm room. Somewhere that will be warm for the next few days. Over the weekend, it might hit the 20's.

If the wine freezes, it could explode the bottle. Even if it doesn't, I am worried about it killing off anything inside of it.

I mean, realistically I shouldn't worry about it. It's not going to get anywhere near cold enough to freeze it to the point of exploding. But, I'm still going to worry about it, anyway.

Ingredients:

1x pumpkin pie (Storebought)

1x bottle of champagne

2x wine glass

1x video rental of The Thing

1x set of skills learned from dad

1x whole chicken (Manually deboned.)

2x chicken thighs (Seasoned.)

1x pan

12x minutes (Constantly flipped.)

2x potatoes (Sliced.)

1x boil

80x minutes in the oven

1x couch

1x blanket

1x tv

2x boyfriends (Secretive.)

Creates:

2x servings (Containing chicken thigh, roasted potatoes, and a slice of pie.)

1x romantic night (Born from worry.)

The wine's looking good. I checked on it today and moved it to a different container to finish fermenting in. Just been checking up on it every now and again. I don't think you need to change containers, though? But, I don't know. I'm just nervous about this whole thing. I want to make sure it goes right.

It does have a bit of an off-smell to it, however.

… Mr. Murders, Paul would like to have a brief word with you at his office whenever you are done with your current workload. …

Ah, shit.

…

Henry! Have a seat!

Mr. Chance-

Come on, everyone else calls me Paul. Why don't the both of us use that?

It's up to you.

I just want to have a little word with ya. Shouldn't be more than 'round 5 minutes.

What's it about, sir?

Relax, son. You ain't in trouble! Though, you acting all nervous does make me mighty suspicious…

…

Hah! Just messing with ya.

Very funny.

From what I remember, you're a student at Blackwater?

Yep.

Jesus! All these hours you've been putting in on top of uni- Lord knows if I had more workers like you, I'd own the whole of the Pacific Northwest.

Heh, maybe one day.

What're you majorin' in?

Forensic Archeology.

Nice! But, I ain't here to talk about that. I'm here to talk about your work record.

In a good way?

Yes. In a very good way.

Get on with it, then.

It's really impressive. According to Gary, you have perfect attendance all while putting in this much work. Have you ever pondered shooting to become a supervisor?

A few times.

Well I think you're ready for it. If you want, I can send you the material you need to start that process.

What do I need to do?

Mostly just read guides and instructions. It's a lot of after-work reading and using your time. But, it's well worth it! You start out with a pay raise of up to $11 an hour. After a while, we'll review your performance and you can earn up to $16 an hour!

I'd probably like those forms, then.

Great! I have a few of 'em here. But, I'll mostly get them sent to you over the next week. It's up to you when to complete them. When you do, make sure to get in contact with me!

…

Hell yeah!

Give me 1 week, and I'll be a supervisor just like you.

1 week!? It's going to take a lot more than that, my friend.

What? Like 8 days? 9 days?

Took me like a month to get it done in my spare time!

Uh oh.

Admittedly, it was probably only like 15 hours of work. But I barely ever had the time to work on it!

Eh, I'll figure it out.

But, this is still good.

Your days of being my tyrannical supervisor are over.

Just you wait until I figure out how to get promoted past this.

I'll rue the day…

Davey's going to be really happy when you tell him.

Eh-

Is he not?

He's going to be happy for me, but I'm not too sure about me getting more money.

What?

I don't know. It's weird.

Why wouldn't he want you to have more money?

He really, really wants his parents to pay my rent.

And you're mad about that?

No. I mean- he means well. And I love that he's caring about that and worried for me. But, I can pay it myself! I'm already uncomfortable having his parents pay for my college - mostly because I'm worried that they're going to want me to pay it back. Again, I know he means well. But… I don't know what I'm going for here.

It's up to you what you do. I'd take the money, personally. But, it's not his place to make you take it.

Eh, it'll work out! We just need to wait and get by.

I don't think I've met Davey yet. If you want, you two could come over and visit me and Lee and we can make some drinks together. We just finished stocking up our bar.

That honestly sounds amazing. Be a nice difference from all the red wine Davey's been buying.

About a month left on the wine. I'm getting real excited. I don't want to do anything that'd mess it up, so I'm not laying a finger on it until I have to. But, it looks good! I went ahead and bought some custom labels for it that're going to be imprinted on the bottle. Should come sometime over the next few weeks.

You know, you think everything in your life is perfect. Going really smooth with it all figured out.

You have the love of your life, some decent friends, and you're almost halfway through college!

Then you get hit with a long, cold, winter's night. One that's so cold you can't even fall asleep.

A type of night with a single good purpose - exploring the fucked-up depths of your mind.

So you search. That's all you can do. Then, after you search, you discover. Then, you think.

Think about what you've done, your memories, and who you could have been…

Only to come up with the most horrific realization one could ever imagine…

A realization that you know is correct, but will deny all the while for a few months.

But, there will always be another long, cold night to ponder over.

One after another, until you finally start to think the truths that so disgust you…

And you'll think. Think and think about a dreamland where you were born into a better world.

A perfect dreamland where you are at the center of who you want to be.

Alas, all dreams must eventually meet reality.

As is? You'll never come close to living in dreamland!

But, one can dream. One can visit dreamland every night on those cold, winter nights.

One can ponder changing who you were, to who you are.

Or, one can be something different…

One who simply does not care about where dreamland and realities supposedly reach their neverend!

That does sound nice.

A nice midpoint between a

Dream

and

Reality.

…

Is it not?

There's a whole world of names out there…

Any of which may speak to you.

It can be close, it can be far.

It is ultimately, up to you.

A name, isn't set in stone.

An identity, isn't set in stone.

You, are not set in stone.

Ah, pleasure to meet you!

Mx. Randy Murders!

Do you plan to make an acquaintance with any old associates?

Especially if they are personal?

Splendid!

Just remember one nifty little thing…

There is one part about you that goes unspoken.

It is, for most people, the most acceptable part.

But, for one person in your life? It would ruin it all!

Just always remember to keep that one thing a secret, for you and me?

Who knows how they'll react to it…

You're already barely living up to them-

A person for whom you owe everything…

A person who, without, you'd likely have to work at a sawmill for the rest of your miserable little life…

So, let's keep this between you and me. Alright?

The bottles arrived quick! And I mean really quick. We're still 3 weeks out and they're here.

Great condition, too. It's making me really eager to move ahead with this. Alas, I'll wait my time.

Randy?

Mx. Randy Murders, in the flesh.

I am most certainly not going to make fun of "Randy". Especially when you could've picked something way worse.

Hey, I can always change it.

Of course you can. But like "Randy". It's a cool-sounding name.

So flattering…

Before I say anything else - I want you to know that I won't mind who you are. And I expect you to do the same if I ever go through anything similar. So long as we are transparent.

Of course.

You all packed up for Coeur d'Alene?

Yep.

If you forget anything, don't let me catch you calling me to get it up there for you!

If I forget anything, they will probably have it.

When are you leaving tomorrow?

Probably around 4:00 A.M. since it's damn well close to a 10-hour drive.

Yeah, then I probably won't wake up for you.

Wow, the betrayal…

I should probably get my goodbyes out now before I don't see you for a week.

What? Do you think I'm going to die while I'm driving?

Yeah. I do.

Shut the fuck up.

I'm kidding! Stay safe on the road.

I will. Stay safe at home. I don't fully trust you to not die of loneliness when I'm gone-

I've got all of the red wine I could need. I'll manage, somehow.

…

Love you.

Love you.

Coeur d'Alene! My dearly despised! It's a horrible little place in the middle of nowhere Idaho. The worst part about it is that the nature surrounding it is absolutely beautiful. Just the fact that you have to live in a town such as Coeur d'Alene often distracts you from the fact that you live in one of the most beautiful places on earth.

You've got lakes, you've got mountains, you've got forests, you've got airports, you've got scumbags, you've got highways, and you've got my parents.

All wrapped up in a nifty-little town that is oh-so close to being in Washington.

Henry!

Hey, mom!

You haven't called since you left. I've been worried sick! How are you? Are you okay? Is college going well?

It's all fine! Where's dad? I want to see him.

He's upstairs, emptying you-know-what from a b-o-t-t-l-e…

Is he awake?

Who knows? But, come on. We need to catch up.

…

Tell me already! How's college? Got a cute girlfriend yet?

It's fine, it's fine. Actually - I do.

Really? What's her name?

Danny.

Danny… Ain't that a boys name?

She's definitely more of a tomboy.

You know what? Doesn't even matter! My boy has a girlfriend! Oh, I can just imagine it. In a few years, I'll have grandkids!

In a few years?

Whenever you're done with college and have a house! When do I get to meet her?

I'll talk with her, yeah. I don't know. She was busy this week, so she couldn't go.

We'll have to meet up one day. I just can't wait to get to see her!

…

Is that Mr. Henry Murders I hear in my living room?

Dad!

Come here, son!

There you are…

I was taking a nap.

Do you drink in your sleep?

You can't blame me for what I do in my sleep! It's like sleepwalking…

Actually, Dad, one of the first things I wanted to do was get a genuine, Coeur d'Alene milkshake. It's been forever since I've had one.

Since when are Coeur d'Alene milkshakes anything special?

Since they're the milkshakes I remember growing up with!

If you're up for more driving. Do you want to just bring me, or do you want your mother?

I-

-I'd probably prefer to stay here and start mac 'n cheese. But, I do expect a cookie milkshake to be brought back here.

Yes, Ma'am.

I also wanted to tell you something. About my new girlfriend…

If I'm being honest, the best type of wine is a $5, highly-suspicious bottle of wine that you bought at the grocery store and forgot in your cupboard for a week. I blame, or rather thank, my mother for this. She used to cook with it all the time. Left opened bottles after, which I eventually snuck drinks of.

But, she quit using them right before I started high school. I don't know why. I do know she never really drank, unlike my father, who loved red wine.

Dad?

… Huh? Yeah, no. I heard you. It's just- something I need to take in.

Look-

So… you don't have a girlfriend?

I have a boyfriend. I think you know him.

Who?

Davey.

Davey… Yeah. I think I do. He was a good boy. Rich parents, too. Going to always be happy if my son marries rich.

Another thing-

Yeah?

I'm not really your son. I don't think I'm a woman. I don't really know what it is I am. I just hate how I look. I don't want to be anything - or look like anything. I just- I don't know! I don't know what I'm doing - what I've been doing lately. I don't know if it's something that's real, or- … I don't know.

It's okay, it's okay. I don't really get what you're saying. But, it's okay. You'll figure it out, you'll figure it out.

You don't care?

Not as much as your mother will, but-

…

Look- you're a smart… kid. You'll figure out what's best for you. I know you'll be okay… What can I call you for now?

Randy.

Randy?

That's the name I'm rolling with. At least for a bit.

Randy. I like that. It's a much better name than Henry, for sure. I want you to know that I don't mind whatever you do. I don't have any high ground to stand on. I'm already cursed to an eternity of hell.

Dad-

The smoking, the drinking, the gambling, giving my kids wine… Cheating on your Mother.

…

I do love your Mother. I love her a lot. I don't know why I tempted a good thing. The thing keeping a family alive on dirt pay, living on someone else's farm, and barely getting food to the table. There are a lot of things I could've done to give you a better childhood. Doing this - It's the best thing I can do for you now.

So… You're fine with me and Davey?

I will be fine with it, Randy.

Thank you.

I don't care about grandkids as much as your Mother does. I think I already accepted a decade ago that I'm not living to see grandkids.

I'm sorry.

Are you planning on telling your mother?

…

I don't know. Honestly, I was worried that you'd tell her.

This would be hardly the worst thing I lied to her about.

I'm planning to tell her. But- the problem is, I don't know if I have the heart to tell her. Rather than letting her live thinking she'll have grandkids. At least for a few years.

Trust me, you've got a few decades left before she kicks it.

I know she'll find out eventually. I just need to figure out when's the best time for her to.

3 days left. After that, it's time for a taste.

Bottles are ready.

Mouth is watering.

72 hours until this all should be over…

Henry! You guys took so long. Dinner's almost ready!

Can't wait.

I'm going to have your Dad make some of his world-famous tomatoes.

I'll set the table.

Aww, thanks! More than you ever did when you were growing up here - college must be doing good for you.

Mom-

Hang on, I gotta make sure the mac isn't burning.

Yeah, you should do that…

…

All ready for dinner?

Yeah.

Alright. Now I just have to find out where your father went off to…

Hang on-

Yes?

Mom, I-

…

Yes?

Think we forgot your milkshake in the car.

Well, it's reasonably cold out. Shouldn't be that melted!

I'll go get it, really quick.

It's funny. How long it takes for time to pass. Whenever you're having the best days of your life, they seem to just slip on by. Nothing notable. Just you slipping on through life.

But then, whenever something big happens, time starts to get really slow. Whenever you're expecting something, your days double in length. They just get so unbearably long and it's a chore to get by them. And it just lets you think a lot about what's at the end of it. Get really excited for the good things that are coming of it, or really worried for any bad things that could happen.

It's a long drive home.

A long, long drive.

Through rivers, over mountains.

Across 3 states.

All to get back home.

I need to do something.

Something nice.

He deserves it.

I could take him skiing?

I could take him on a hike?

Or, I could buy him his favorite movie and favorite wine.

Red wine's on clearance. But, I actually don't know if I'll buy it.

He has more than enough at home.

It's the day. It's time to bottle it. My original blackberry, now blueberry wine. If this is good, it'll be something to cry to the hills about. And, I think I'm confident that it's good. I haven't bottled it yet. First, I want to get myself a glass. The fruits of my labor and whatever or whatnot.

Huh, that's strange. The trash is full.

Full of red wine bottles.

Jesus, he must've had a party.

At least, looks like it.

…

Did he go out to buy more? There's a wrapped bottle on the counter?

That doesn't even matter. All that matters is that you find him.

You have to say hi to your boyfriend!

Admittedly, not the welcome back you expected, is it?

Eh, it doesn't matter.

Set that copy of The Thing down on the couch.

Maybe check his room?

It's either there, or he's somewhere else.

His door's open.

That means he's probably not home, then.

Better go check, however.

If he is here, he's most certainly drunk or hungover.

…

Hey, Davey. Wake up.

…

Wake up!

… Yeah? Henry… Is that you?

Yeah. I'll be in the living room. Can you do me a favor? Make sure whoever that other person in the bed with you got all of their things.

Finally got to taste the wine after all of these months. Days spent waiting to see it, months spent brewing it, hundreds of dollars spent on it, a change in my whole idea surrounding it. All of this effort, all for about two or three bottles. I finally got to taste it today - see if the last few months were worth it!

And the wine was too sour.

Randy-

Who the fuck was that?!

I don't even- Randy, come on!

No! I want to know who that person is!

They're not- important, right now. Listen, we need to talk-

-we need to talk about who the fuck that person is, Davey.

Can I just have a goddamn second to think, here?!

So what?! You can think of some- some sort of excuse for this?!

No, it's just- I need time. I need some fucking time to think!

How long have you known that person?!

Less than 3 days! I mean- I fucking knew who they were for a few weeks! But the first time we did anything was 3 days ago! This was the second time! And after this, it was over! I'd never do this again! Babe, you have to believe me!

You fucking whore! You cheated on me - on me - for someone you barely even know!?

Babe, I'm sorry! I know I fucked up-

Do you?

Yes!

Do you? Do you actually know you fucked up? Do you really think that?!

Babe, I do! It's never going to happen again! Please, I promise!

Who the fuck even are they! You never even fucking told me that!

They sell me wine. That's it! That's all they do!

They sell you wine? What? What happened to the other guy that does that? Or, did you fuck him too?

No, he was just- getting really expensive.

Jesus, how much was he charging if it was expensive for some cheating, rich, whore who begs his daddy to pay for everything!?

The same whore that's the entire fucking reason you're in college!

You are not going to even talk about shit like that!

I'm trying to be fucking reasonable here-

Fucking reasonable? You think you're fucking reasonable with any of this?!

Randy-

If a serial killer bought you a glass of wine, would you let them into your house to fuck you? It doesn't matter that you don't know them, apparently! Right?!

No, I wouldn't! Thank you for asking!

What if I fucking found you dead in our house - my house! After a week away!

That wouldn't fucking happen!

How the fuck am I supposed to know that?!

They're not some random creepy pervert in a bar! They work at a cafe I go to!

Ah, it's all good now! So you've just wanted to fuck them for a while and was finally able to?

No! They were just some- look, I asked them to buy me wine! They said yes! They delivered it to my house and I offered them a few drinks and that's pretty much what I remember! I might've even thought it was you!

You- what?!

I don't- know. Randy, I love you. If I had a choice in it, I would've stopped any of this from happening.

…

No you wouldn't.

What?

No you fucking wouldn't!

I would!

Liar!

I'm not fucking lying!

Where'd you start this at, huh?! How much has your shitty ass story changed since we started this?!

None, because I'm telling the goddamn truth, idiot!

You're a lying, cheating, worthless whore!

Oh you do not want to fucking go there! Do you want me to bring up half of the shit I pretty much know you lied about?

The worst

lie I ever

told was

for you.

What?!

It doesn't even matter! What the fuck does it even mean anymore?!

Henry, it means everything to me. This whole house means everything to me.

…

You mean everything to me-

…

I got you a copy of The Thing. You'll need to return it to Blockbusters when you're done with it.

Huh?

I'm not going to date a cheater! It's over.

It's- what?

I'm going to start packing. You can even have the house! You've been insisting on paying the rent, anyway.

Randy, stop!

Why?

Please- I love you.

You didn't stop after the "first" night with them, did you?

Randy-

…

Randy!

…

You know what? Fine! Have it your fucking way! I fucking made one mistake and you're acting like- like this! It's fucking irrational! It's bullshit!

…

What? You aren't going to talk? You fucking faggot! You piece of shit! I make one fucking mistake and you act like you're fucking better than me! I love you, and you know that! But- I don't know… How the fuck are you going to pay for college without me, huh?

I don't know.

He can speak! Just, let's talk about this! Please! Keep an open mind! Please, I'm begging you!

We already talked about it!

Let's talk about your future, then! How are you going to get on without me? Huh?! How?! You got to get a new house, a new place. You need food. And you need all of that money for college that my parents are giving you!

I don't care about your parent's money, Davey.

You should! You fucking should! Normal people do! You need it. You need it! You need it if you want to finish college! Do you want to grow up to be a 60-year-old college dropout with breathing issues from his dead-end job?!

…

Randy, Randy! Don't you leave that fucking door! Don't you go out there! Randy! Bitch! You know what? That's it! It's over! I'm going to call my parents! You're all on your fucking own now! You happy?! Are you happy with this? I hope you're really fucking happy, Randy!

…

Oh, God. Davey… Why'd you do this?

I'm not even going to bottle it or sweeten it. I don't think I can save it. It's fucking… Fucking annoying! I've been so fucking worried over this for so fucking long! I've done literally everything I could to make this work. Way more money than it ended up being worth. It seemed worth it, it's just… Bullshit! All of that priority I gave the wine, all that effort! And for what? Nothing!

ring ring ring ring ring… ring ring ring ring ring… ring ring ring ring ring… ring ring-

Hello. Shell's Sawmill. This is Gary speaking.

Hey, Gary. This is Randy.

Randy? You alright?

Yeah. I just need to call out sick.

Heh. Randy… Did you drink too much last night?

No, I'm just- I'm serious, Gary.

Oh?

I don't know. I just- if I go to work again, I don't know… I don't trust myself to not get injured at work.

Randy! What's going on?

I'm fine it's just-

No, Randy. What's going on?

…

Randy?

I just- Davey's cheating on me. I found out when I got back.

Jesus. I'm so sorry.

It's fine. I swear. I just need… time, man.

Are you sure it's fine?

Yeah?

Because I'm going to think it might not be fine when you say that you might hurt yourself accidentally if you go to work.

No, I'm- sorry. I don't-

No. Don't say sorry. Just, Randy- where are you right now?

I've been uh- sleeping in my car since I found out.

Alright. You have a place to stay?

Not yet.

Alright. You're going to drive to my place. I'm going to call Lee ahead of time, tell him what's happening. You're going to have a place to stay, you're going to take a shower. It's going to be okay.

Gary- don't-

I can't just let you live in your car, man. It's- take the help. At least, just stay with us for a night and take a warm shower - get a roof over your head.

…

I can't.

Randy-

I'm not. I just- I'm not doing that. Sorry.

…beep beep beep…

There's no saving it. I don't even know how to describe it. It's too sour, it's not sweet enough, it's too watery. There's this weird film forming on top of it - god knows what that is.

I don't know what I'm going to do with it. If I'm going to start over, if I'm going to search for something to save it, or just cut my losses. I don't know. I'm still deciding. I just… need time to think on it.

I don't know what to do…

Do I call him?

Do I call him?

Do I call him?

I shouldn't call him.

You could call her…

I shouldn't call her. At least, not right now.

…

Get some rest, you can decide tomorrow.

I can call him. But, I shouldn't.

I can call him. But, I shouldn't.

I can call him. But, I shouldn't.

You can still call her…

No.

…

It's getting rather late. Get some rest! You can decide tomorrow! Remember to eat!

No.

No.

No.

…

You should call her.

…

ring ring ring ring ring… ring-

Hey, Mom.

Henry! How are you, sweetie?

I'm good.

Jesus- is this the first time you've ever called home?

Not the first time…

Judging by how often you apparently do, it's easy to see why I forgot the "others".

… Good to hear from you, too.

Ah, don't give me that. How are you? How's college? What's up?

Just- I wanted to talk. It's been kind of rough recently.

Oh? What's happening, sweetie?

I just- need to tell you something first. For you to understand-

Yes?

…

Do you remember Danny?

Your girlfriend, right?

Yeah, she-

Oh god- don't tell me…

We broke up. It was nasty. I caught her sleeping with a man when I got back.

You know what- I was right. You can't trust a tomboy! If you got yourself a girl who doesn't pretend to be a man, Henry, then this wouldn't even-

Mom-

No, Henry. I've got a point. If you don't learn this now - early on in life - you're going to be alone until you're 30!

I have to go to work soon. I should go.

Alright. I'm sorry - that she cheated on you. I hope you get over it soon.

Thanks, Mom…

Love you.

Love you…

…beep beep beep…

…

ring ring ring ring ring… ring ring ring ring ring… ring ring ring ring ring… ring-

Randy?

Hey.

Jesus- Randy, are you alright?! It's been 4 days!

I'm fine, I'm fine. I just- need a shower.

Are you okay?

I'm- fine. I'm okay. I'm okay!

Randy…

I don't know what to do- I can't… I can't-

Shh, calm down. It's okay. Just- where are you? It'll be okay.

I'm a few hours out of town. I don't know. I think I'm headed toward the coast?

Are you going to head back?

Probably tonight.

If you want, we have food here.

Thanks.

It's going to be okay, Randy.

I really hope it is.

…beep beep beep…

I have about two pounds of blackberries. Storebought, original recipe. If this doesn't work…

I don't know. This is my last chance - my last shot at wine. I just need to start over, be strict, watch it thoroughly, and be careful.

Good morning.

… What time is it?

Only 30-till midnight.

God-

Have a good nap?

Yeah.

We have baked spaghetti leftover if you want any.

Thanks.

…

Here.

What's this?

Rent.

I'm not going to charge you rent for this.

I'd- prefer it if you let me pay for it. I don't want to be a burden.

Randy-

Please.

I'm not taking this.

At least take it once. It-

…

I can't take it.

Okay. If you want to, you can, however.

Alright.

Thank you. For all of this.

…

Do I still have a job at the sawmill?

Yeah. I've been marking you as sick for the past few days.

Thank you.

Paul is usually pretty relaxed with sick time - surprisingly.

Tomorrow, if it doesn't bother you, could you pick up my check?

Yeah, of course.

Thank you.

I-

ring ring ring ring ring… ring ring ring ring ring… ring ring ring ring ring… ring ring ring ring-

Hello?

…

No.

…

I don't know where he is.

…

Look- I'm sorry. I don't know where he is.

…

Don't call me again.

…beep beep beep…

Who was that?

Nobody.

…

It wasn't Davey, if you're thinking that.

Okay.

It was insurance. They were talking about Lee.

…

ring ring ring-

Hello?

Hey.

Randy?!

Yeah. Hey, Davey.

Where have you been?! It's been 5 days! It's 2 A.M. right now!

I don't know.

What the fuck do you mean by that?!

I don't-

You know what, no. It doesn't even matter. Just- we need to talk.

About?

What happened. Like, I need you to understand where I'm coming from. Just at least stay on- for a few minutes?

…

Sure.

Okay. Thank you.

What happened?

I told you! I started getting that guy to buy me wine a few weeks ago, and one day I invited him over for a few drinks. I got drunk and blacked out. I don't think I even processed it until a few days later when he came over again - unprompted and I got drunk again. Look, the only two times this ever happened were when I was drunk. I can't- you can't blame me for that!

Yeah?

I'm really sorry that it happened. It shouldn't have happened! Look, I cut that guy off. He's gone. He's not- he doesn't matter! I want to make it up to you! Just, tell me what to do. If you want me to not drink, I won't drink. Anything!

Really?

If you want money, I mean it'd hurt, but I can give it to you. The rest of college paid for! Plus a good amount going forward. Just, anything! Nothing is off the table!

What was his name?

Huh? Oh, James Holiday. But, he's out of my life now. I won't ever talk to him again, okay?

…

I'm sorry.

No- no! No!

I can't!

Fucking- no! What do you want?! What can I do?! There has to be something! Please. Just tell me what it is!

I'm sorry.

Randy Murders, you are going to be sorry for this! In 20 years you are going to look at me, see me living my best life, and realize what you fucking are missing! Please! You can't finish college without it! Just- just give it some thought!

Okay.

Don't just say that! Fucking- Henry! Don't do this! I'm begging you!

…

Hello?

Do me a favor, promise me you'll live your best life. Promise me you won't do this again. Promise me that you'll be able to move on from this.

Yes. Yes! Randy, I will! I promise I will! I promise all of those things! Just, come back home!

Thank you.

…

Please, have a great life.

…beep beep beep…

It's the funniest thing. When you read about people you used to know. You always, well, usually. You usually have a few minutes where you don't exactly remember who they are or why they're familiar. So you spend that time trying to remember, reliving old memories and whatnot. Until, finally, it clicks! You get who they are and have a little laugh.

This was one of those exceptions that makes it "usually".

He's living a very good life! He made his own business, a very profitable one. He's getting into politics. Overall, I found myself happy for him!

The last time I ever spoke to him, I remember him making me a promise. One I worried for decades would become true. Then, it came. Right in front of my eyes as I was watching the news.

And I felt nothing.

On 15/SEP/2017, a note was recovered at a hiking trail near Blackwater, Oregon, United States. The note appears similar in style to previous documents connected to SCP-8450. Currently, it is pending analysis for potential clues as to the whereabouts of "Randy Murders".

How to make vinegar.

A few months ago, I thought I would be able to make wine. I at first tried blackberry wine, but realized that it wasn't the type for me. Then, I tried to make blueberry wine. Now, it was most certainly a type of wine I would have loved. However, the batch went sour. It didn't work out. Ultimately, I thought it was a failure. And it killed my winemaking aspirations, at least for a while. I'm not too sure if I will try to make wine again.

But, what I did make, is vinegar. A sour, repulsive, beautiful batch of blueberry vinegar that I catch myself using quite frequently. There was this film on top - the "mother of vinegar", as it's called. Apparently, I can put that in other wine and it will transform into vinegar after a few weeks. It's a bit more complicated than that, but that's the gist of it.

I didn't really think I would walk away from this with anything. Anything useful, that is. I thought I'd just walk away with no experience, a bunch of dirty containers, and all of my sugar wasted on something ugly. But, I persisted through it, stumbling upon something great.

Here we are…

Where it all started!

I remember driving out here.

After that night.

It was a perfect night.

A perfect, feel-good, all-and-entirely beautiful sorta night.

The clouds were nowhere to be seen.

The moon was full.

The stars shined especially bright that night.

I hiked there, and laid there.

And I stared into the infinite abyss that is the beauty of our night sky.

I remember it being a sleepless night.

One where I had to force myself to blink.

And I thought only about our special night.

The best night of my life.

Reflected upon on the worst night of my life.

Our special night…

…

I think about it a lot.

Our special night…

Especially recently.

So, congrats!

On our anniversary.

About 10 months off…

…

Anyways-

I'm really happy for you.

Wherever you are…

Whoever you're with.

…

I would really like to say that I hate you.

Being able to would mean the world to me.

But-

…

You know, it's funny.

I think I might have finally saved up enough to finish college.

Go back in my 40's, finally get that degree and start living life.

Guess I didn't need you after all, huh?

But, it's too late.

Besides, I'm happy with what happened.

If I could change it, I would in a heartbeat.

But, I like it. I like who I am. I like who I am able to be. I like the life I am living.

…

I'm happy being Randy Murders.

Mx. Randy Murders.

I'm happy being free.

I'm happy having friends like I do.

No matter what you tried to do to me, I'm happy.

…

But-

I can't help myself remembering you.

I can't forget how much I loved you.

I can't forget how much I still love you.

I can't forget how much our special night meant to me.

…

Why can't I forget you, Davey?

…

Why?

…

Why do I love you, Davey Whittaker?