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Article: SCP-376-DE Horseplay (for amateurs)

Original: May be found here

Author: Gramlin

Translator: Karpfisch

Pictures: All made by Gramlin

Item #: SCP-376-DE

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: The premises that SCP-376-DE is located on have been labeled as property of a Foundation front company. They are enclosed by a wall equipped with cameras that is being monitored by on-site security staff at regular intervals. Entry to the premises is only authorized for selected personnel who must identify themselves at the gate. Unauthorized individuals discovered on-site are to be detained, interrogated, and subjected to amnestic treatment or arrested in case they work for MC&D.

SCP-376-DE is being managed by personnel who are familiar with farm work or veterinary science1. They are responsible for providing care for the present SCP-376-DE-A instances and are to be housed in the residential buildings of SCP-376-DE, which serves as independent outpost. Both food for the animals as well as comestible goods for personnel and other supplies and materials are delivered by a Foundation transporter every two days.

SCP-376-DE-A instances are to be accommodated in the stables located on-site and cared for. Their husbandry equals that of non-anomalous ponies, while attention should be paid to their individual properties.

At least once per day, the instances are allowed to spend several hours in the adjacent paddock or walk the premises freely under surveillance by security staff. As SCP-376-DE-A instances avoid moving past the premises' borders, a containment breach is to be considered impossible. Transporting them to other sites is currently unfeasible.

Description: SCP-376-DE designates a horse ranch located on a private property which is located near ████████████, Schleswig-Holstein and off limits to the public. The ranch is comprised of four stables with several stalls for the animals residing therein, a fodder silo, one administrative building, two residential properties for local personnel and one for visitors, as well as one spacious horse paddock and a lunging hall. Marshall Carter & Dark Ltd. possessed the property before the Foundation's seizure of it. SCP-376-DE was built to entertain the children of their wealthy regulars. The property was camouflaged as a privately funded nature reserve and secured through concrete walls and checkpoints. Access was solely permitted to MC&D personnel, selected visitors and their children.

Only ponies possessing anomalous properties were created, bred, and kept on the ranch. Said ponies are designated SCP-376-DE-A. Instances of SCP-376-DE-A differ from each other in appearance, breed, character, behavioral patterns, and other anomalous properties. Blood tests showed that the DNA of SCP-376-DE-A instances differs in no way from ordinary ponies. 17 16 instances are living on the ranch at the time of writing.

The anomalous properties are diversified and include, among other things, notably different appearances and additional body parts or physical properties, manipulation of self or surroundings, heightened physical and memetic abilities. Every SCP-376-DE-A instances received a name from the former maintainers and occupies a stall in the stables that is only accessible to its respective instance.2

Most SCP-376-DE-A instances behave peacefully towards humans, as long as they are not provoked in any way. In general, they can be led or sometimes even ridden by staff members like normal ponies. However, some of them are rebellious or even aggressive in response to such attempts. Their abilities justify increased precautionary measures in containment procedures.

All SCP-376-DE-A instances have a special microchip implanted near the back of their heads by MC&D that is directly linked to the subject's skull and cannot be removed. It will activate automatically once an SCP-376-DE-A instance comes within 10 meters from the border wall of SCP-376-DE. At first, it will emit a high audio frequency which humans are not or only hardly able to perceive, but causes extreme head and ear pain, dizziness, nausea, and disorientation in the instances. This frequency will increase in intensity the longer the instance stays near to the wall. After one minute, an explosive charge installed in the chip detonates, causing the subject's head to explode. This is presumed to be a safety by MC&D to prevent a potential breach of the instances.

For this reason, it is neither possible for SCP-376-DE-A to leave the site by themselves nor to be transported out of it. Requests to surgically remove the chip from SCP-376-DE-A were denied by O4, as such an operation would be too hazardous and irreversible injuries or even death of the instances could not be excluded. Additionally, it constitutes an additional containment method that can be utilized without an unnecessary loss of resources.

Discovery: On the 14th of March 2023, the German Foundation received a hint by MTF Mu-3 ("Highest Bidders") of a supposed private base of MC&D at the location of SCP-376-DE. In partnership with them, a raiding patrol of the German MTF managed to infiltrate and secure the premises.

Only deceased members of the MC&D staff working at the property at that time could be found. All perished from cardiac arrest, caused by poison capsules that were implanted into every employee and activated remotely. It is assumed MC&D wanted to prevent information leakage in case of Foundation acquisition.

Agents could secure information about SCP-376-DE as well as the SCP-376-DE-A individuals and customers using the latter in the administrative building. Said customers were all wealthy businessmen who worked together with MC&D and had children aged 6 to 14. SCP-376-DE-A served recreational and entertainment purposes for the children and for the development of business relationships between their parents and the organization. Further research into the clientele are ongoing at time of writing.

List SCP-376-DE-A instances

Close addendum

Designation: SCP-376-DE-A-01

Name of the Instance: "Moonshadow"

Breed: Dartmoor, male

Description: SCP-376-DE-A-01 has a purely dark coloration that is not solely limited to fur and mane, but also completely engulfs the eyes, flesh, bones, teeth, hooves, blood, and all other bodily fluids. It is capable of reaching speeds up to 235 km/h, which is almost thrice the maximum speed of a normal horse3, while it also attempts to surpass it. Despite the enormous acceleration, the rider will not be jettisoned off the subject for unknown reasons, but will remain attached until the animal comes to a halt. Due to the extreme speed, SCP-376-DE-A-01 is almost unable to see the route it runs, causing it to periodically stop or get into an accident through mainly collisions into obstacles, such as a tree, wall, or a hole in the ground which is not noticed in time by the instance. However, SCP-376-DE-A-01 also possesses strong regenerative abilities, which, depending on the severity of the injury, enable the instance to regenerate completely within seconds, such as in the case of minor scratches and abrasions, up to an hour, for example in the case of serious bone fractures, loss of body parts or normally fatal wounds. But this does not apply to the rider, which causes the rider to injure themselves often, when the subject suffers an accident during the ride.

Designation: SCP-376-DE-A-02

Name of the Instance: "Windplay"

Breed: Haflinger, male

Description: In its usual state, SCP-376-DE-A-02 is almost indiscernible from normal beige-brown ponies of the same breed. However, it possesses the ability to stretch its legs, jaw, and neck to any length. So far, the maximum recorded length of the throat is at 6 m, for the legs 10 m, and for the jaw 3 m. As the torso does not grow along with the other parts in the process, it is prone to uncertain movements and imbalance, which is why the instance rarely uses this ability by itself to reach leaves or apples in higher trees, bypass larger bodies of water without getting wet, or to look around more easily. As the over-stretched legs are less stable, it will only accept a rider to a limited extent in this condition or shorten its legs before the rider can mount.

Designation: SCP-376-DE-A-03

Name of the Instance: "Cloudlet"

Breed: German Part-Bred Shetland, female

Description: The fur of SCP-376-DE-A-03 is white with grey spots, while mane and tale are grey-white. The body is roughly double the length of a normal specimen of its species, and two feathered wings with a wingspan of 1 m are present on its sides, which only serve decorative purposes and are not suitable for aerial locomotion or control during flight or slide. When it gets frightened or feels threatened, it can expand its abdominal wall fivefold and imbue it with methane gas that its intestinal tract produces in large amounts, which causes the subject to ascend into the air. In order to prevent itself from ascending too high and being blowing away, it must always be secured to the ground using a 10 meter rope when it is outside of a roofed building.

Once it has calmed down and can no longer sense any danger, it discharges the methane through its anus and gradually sinks to the floor. Due to the increased risk of fire, no flammable materials or potential fire sources are to be present in its vicinity at any time. The worn-out abdominal skin of SCP-376-DE-A-03 hangs down post-discharge, causing difficulties in movement until the skin has contracted again. This can take one to two days.

Designation: SCP-376-DE-A-04

Name of the Instance: "Princess"

Breed: Icelandic horse, female

Description: The fur of the entity is completely white, with mane and tail exhibiting a rainbow color. The most notable body feature of SCP-376-DE-A-04 is a 20 cm long and 5 cm thick hair structure on the forehead, which is pointed and resembles the horn of a rhinoceros. Unlike other horses, it emits an odor reminiscent of baked cookies. All excretions show a rainbow-like coloration and a scent similar to cotton candy.

It behaves relatively friendly towards many humans, but shows an aggressive behavior towards smaller carnivorous mammals in its vicinity and will attack them directly with the intention of killing them. Rows of raptorial teeth are present in the jaw of SCP-376-DE-04, with which it can mangle its prey. The subject is a pure carnivore, yet exclusively eats the flesh of predators (Carnivora). Feeding it dogs and cats has proven to be the most effective way of supplying the instance so far. SCP-376-DE-A-04 must always wear a firmly attached muzzle outside of feeding and may never be fed alone.

Designation: SCP-376-DE-A-05

Name of the Instance: "Goblin"

Breed: Shetland Pony, male

Description: With a shoulder height of 51 cm, SCP-376-DE-A-05 is the smallest SCP-376-DE-A instance. It has brown fur with big white spots. Despite its small size, the subject has the greatest strength and carrying capacity of all subjects. Research has shown SCP-376-DE-A-05 is effortlessly capable of lifting a weight of over 3 tones, which is why it is frequently used for transportation within the ranch. SCP-376-DE-A-05 shows a rowdy behavior and tends to run over persons or grab them with its teeth to throw them in the air, which frequently results in severe injuries. If it is not used to its full capacity, it occasionally causes serious damage in the area, for instance by tearing down walls through kicks or knocking down trees when it rubs against them. Research as to how SCP-376-DE-A-05 can release this power from its small body is currently ongoing.

Designation: SCP-376-DE-A-06

Name of the Instance: "Miss Lama"

Breed: Grey Konik, female

Description: Although SCP-376-DE-A-06 has the properties, appearance, and DNA of a pony, observers will always describe it as a white-brown alpaca. Attempts to convince them otherwise failed, even if they possess information on this trait. SCP-376-DE-A-06 is presumed to feature memetic properties. Only photos and video recordings show that the subject is a real pony.

Designation: SCP-376-DE-A-07

Name of the Instance: "Siegi"

Breed: Shetland, asexual

Description: SCP-376-DE-A-07 has white fur and a white mane. It has a gallant gait and its head always proudly raised. It tends to challenge other organisms to a fight or running contest which it always wins for hitherto unknown reasons. This behavior is not expressed near other SCP-376-DE-A instances in the same stall. In a 2 m radius, it influences close persons to feel far superior to other persons, challenging them to bets with the intention to win.

Remark: It shares a group stall with SCP-376-DE-A-08 to -A-10.

Designation: SCP-376-DE-A-08

Name of the Instance: "Fury"

Breed: Shetland, asexual

Description: SCP-376-DE-A-08 is characterized by a fire-red mane and fur. It is extremely aggressive towards humans and other animals, and only behaves comparatively peacefully near other SCP-376-DE-A instances it shares a stall with. This implies that the others have a calming effect on it. Supposedly, it feels most comfortable and safest in its stall, as it has a tendency of being very destructive outside of its stall. Humans tend to have a more aggressive behavior in a 5 meter radius around SCP-376-DE-A-08, even if they are actually peaceful and had no negative emotions beforehand. The effect persists around 10 minutes after removal from the affected area of the instance.

Remark: It shares a group stall with SCP-376-DE-A-07 and -A-09 to -A-10.

Designation: SCP-376-DE-A-09

Name of the Instance: "Munchy"

Breed: Shetland, asexual

Description: SCP-376-DE-A-09 is colored black and has a very lean build. Outside of its stall, it shows a great hunger and is almost exclusively occupied with eating all food in its immediate vicinity. This behavior terminates once it is near to the other SCP-376-DE-A instances it shares a stall with. Persons present in a 3 meter radius around it will feel a strong hunger, even if they have eaten shortly before.

Remark: It shares a group stall with SCP-376-DE-A-07 to -A-08 and -A-10.

Designation: SCP-376-DE-A-10

Name of the Instance: "Morti"

Breed: Skeleton of a Shetland pony, asexual

Description: SCP-376-DE-A-10 is the living and free-moving skeleton of a Shetland pony, some of whose bones are still connected to dried tendons. It tends to lose body parts such as the skull or leg bones when it moves faster than a trot. SCP-376-DE-A-10 seems to have a great interest in dead organisms, and also prefers to approach persons or organisms that will die soon. This behavior shows near the SCP-376-E-A instances it shares a stall with. Persons in a 10 meter radius around SCP-376-DE-A-10 feel a strong uncanny sensation and will instinctively attempt to leave the subject's vicinity.

Remark: It shares a group stall with SCP-376-DE-A-07 to -A-09.

Designation: SCP-376-DE-A-11

Name of the Instance: "Strawberry"

Breed: Welsh Pony, male

Description: SCP-376-DE-A-11 has pink fur with a white mane, tale, peritoneum, and a large heart-shaped spot at its snout of the same color. Additionally, it spreads a strong chemical strawberry smell, which makes it particularly popular with young girls. The subject is the only SCP-376-DE-A instance capable of human speech, with a strong Saxon accent. It stated to also be able to understand other SCP-376-DE-A instances and non-anomalous horses, yet they cannot understand it themselves.

Its behavioral pattern around children and adults is friendly and helpful, and always accompanied by its high-pitched voice that it stages by own testament. In the presence of Foundation personal, it tends to use a rougher vocabulary, which it finds more pleasant and natural, as it claims it is honest. It justifies this by stating that it had to always pretend to evade disciplinary punishments by MC&D, given it could never stand children. SCP-376-DE-A-11 has an affinity for chewing tobacco, cigarettes, and high-proof alcohol, but these are only granted as a reward by the Foundation for exemplary behavior.

Drawing by grandson of the oligarchs ████████████, which served as a template for SCP-376-DE-A-12 gilt.

Designation: SCP-376-DE-A-12

Name of the Instance: "Ferdi"

Breed: Indeterminable

Description: Judging by discovered documents, SCP-376-DE-A-12 was modeled after a drawing of one of the oligarch's sons named ████████████, who is considered a great supporter of MC&D. It has a shoulder height of 134 cm. The fur is brown with some white stripes, whereby it appears to have been painted with brown crayons. The separate hairs of tail and mane are black and have grown together to individual longer strands. The head is fused with the throat to a short stumb and, instead of the head shape typical for horses, it features a kind of human face with black eyes, a smaller line-shaped nose, and a large mouth formed to a constant smile. The face is always turned to the left, which is why it is nether capable of looking straight ahead nor moving its head into any other direction. The legs are shaped cylindrically and very thin and short in relation to the rest of the body. Although the legs can carry the body, their movements are rather slow and frail, rendering riding the subject impossible. Due to its severe physical defects, SCP-376-DE-A-12 is dependent on regular dosages of potent painkillers and other medications. The request to euthanize SCP-376-DE-A-12 have been denied by O4 thus far.

Designation: SCP-376-DE-A-13

Name of the Instance: "Countress Smooth Hoof"

Breed: None

Description: SCP-376-DE-A-13 designates a 1.50 m long plush horse that has been sewn together using different colorful patching fabric and is filled with synthetic filling wool. Mane and tail consist of thick colorful fabric tapes. It also wears a green scarf, which is tight tidily around its neck and also sewn on, and the name „Countress Smooth Hoof“ is embroidered with red thread. If it is alone and feels unobserved4, it shows behavioral patterns similar to a normal horse including walking, kicking, sleeping, and the imitation of grazing, although it is neither capable of eating nor feeling the urge of food ingestion. When directly observed by humans or other horses, it retrieves into its inactive state, shows no further movements, and displays the same properties as a typical plush animal. As there are similarities to other anomalies such as SCP-217-DE or SCP-226-DE, research is currently conducted to ascertain whether the subject also possesses a secondary anomalous effect like these.

Description: SCP-376-DE-A-14

Name of the Instance: "Poldi"

Breed: Fjord horse, female

Description: Instead of fur, the body of the subject is covered with flat green, close-fitting scales similar to those of constrictor snakes. The only hair it possesses is glowing green mane hair; the tail bears similarities to that of a saltwater crocodile. Furthermore, it has ram-like horns on its head. It can secrete a flammable organic fluid through an additional organ in its nasal cavity, which can create fire in contact with air. However, it only secretes it in case of great excitement or intense physical strain. Due to the increased risk of fire, the stall of SCP-376-DE-A-14 has also been constructed fire-proof and furnished with fire extinguishers and smoke detectors.

Designation: SCP-376-DE-A-15

Name of the Instance: "Icki"

Breed: Edelbluthaflinger, male

Description: The subject has tan fur with a white belly as well as a blond tail and mane, whereby the latter only covers the neck due to the lack of a head. Only a overgrown stump is present at the end of the neck. Despite the absence of ears, nose and eyes as sensory organs, it can safely move independently, orient itself and react to its environment. Due to its missing jaw, it can neither consume food nor water naturally and therefore relies on three infusions of nutrients and water, and at least four in case of great strain or high temperatures. Additionally, regular full blood counts are necessary to ensure an optimal supply in order to keep the instance healthy.

Designation: SCP-376-DE-A-16

Name of the Instance: [Data expunged]

Breed: [Data expunged]

Description: [Data expunged]

Remark: SCP-376-DE-A-16 was terminated through an undiscovered microchip during a transportation attempt. The researchers responsible were subject to disciplinary action and deducted from the project.

Designation: SCP-376-DE-A-17

Name of the Instance: "Rainbow Sugar"

Breed: Connermara, female

Description: Except for a white, slightly silver shimmering mane and tail, the subject possesses no fur but up to 0.5 cm large sparkling scales of varying coloration that are similar to those of fish and spread across the whole body, which make it shine bright upon direct light exposure. Said scales fall off easily during movement and produce the effect that it scatters glitter. Seceded scales regenerate within seconds, rendering the loss undetectable.

SCP-376-DE shows severe hyperactivity, as its diet solely consists of sweets with high sugar contents, while it prefers effervescent sweets. In addition, it is unable to consume water, only liquids in the form of lemonade. Attempts to supply it with species-appropriate food failed because of the subject's reluctance, while force feeding led to a severe deterioration of the general state of health in form of lethargy, fatique, intense pain in the abdominal area, rapid dropping of scales that did not regenerate, thus revealing parts of the body, and severe diarrhea. The physical condition only stabilized after a daily nutrition of effervescent sweets and lemonade.

As a result of the one-sided diet, it has to belch on several occasions, and disgorges a kind of colorful glitter. Occasionally, it has to also flatulate, and secretes sparkling sugar figures, whose shape is reminiscent of butterflies. How it is able to produce them and for what purpose could is subject to more research.

Open Interview SCP-376-DE-A-11

Close addendum

Date: 07.04.2023

Interviewee: SCP-376-DE-A-11

Interviewer: Dr. Romer

Foreword: SCP-376-DE was in complete Foundation control, and the SCP-376-DE-A instances meanwhile accustomed to the new employees. The goal of the interview was to gather information about both the origin and properties of SCP-376-DE as well as MC&D. SCP-376-DE-A-11 was present on a paddock at the time, apart from the other instances5.

<Begin Log>

SCP-376-DE-A-11: In a high-pitched voice Oh, hello my fair young knight! Are you ready to experience a wonderful riding adventure with me?

Dr. Romer: You can behave normally, SCP-376-DE-A-11. I'm aware of your „quirks“.

SCP-376-DE-A-11: In its normal voice Thanks god, I can't stand this shit any longer. To always play that fucking fairy dream in front of some strangers, that's such a pain in my nuts. Glad they didn't cut them off. You don't happen to have a flask with you? I like corn schnapps the most. But I'd also take vodka or whatever your pockets offer…

Dr. Romer: Later, after we finished the interview. For now, I have some questions you can hopefully answer.

SCP-376-DE-A-11: Don't know if I can answer them. I have a hard headache from nicotine withdrawal, but a cigar will surely do my memory well…

Dr. Romer: Sighs They had warned me that you might need something like this.

Dr. Romer produces a pack of cigarettes from his coat pocket, removes one cigarette, puts it in the mouth of SCP-376-DE-A-11, and subsequently lights it. SCP-376-DE-A-11 takes a deep drag from it and exhales a smoke cloud.

SCP-376-DE-A-11: Thanks. I really needed that.

Dr. Romer: Well, let's just begin, then: How did you became what you are? Where do you come from?

SCP-376-DE-A-11: No idea.

Dr. Romer: What you mean by „no idea“?

SCP-376-DE-A-11: No idea means no idea. Me and the others don't know where we came from, who our parents are, and if we even have them. The earliest thing I can remember is that I woke up in my stall one morning a few years ago. And it felt like I had already spent my entire life here. Also, the ranch is the only thing I know.

Dr. Romer: Wait… You can communicate with others?

SCP-376-DE-A-11: Not really. I rather hear what the others say, but they can't understand me. And then people wonder why the horses can't make sense of their „Ohhh, you're so handsome“ or „Ohhh, I want to cuddle you“ or all the other bullshit. And believe me: Some of the others are extremely annoying.

Dr. Romer: We come back to the thing with the others later. Maybe you can tell me more about your time with your former owners.

SCP-376-DE-A-11: Of course! Guys, I like you, really. You may be full-fledged asswipes sometimes, but those guys from Marshall Carter and Dark are a whole ass orchestra. I mean look at me: Do you think that I wanted this? Being the gayest pink pony on the ranch? Hell no! Every day, those brats came on our ranch, boah, I shudder by the mere memory of that callow youth…

Dr. Romer: Which children do you mean?

SCP-376-DE-A-11: Hey, don't interrupt me! Those brats were children, grandsons, nephews, siblings, clones, androids, pets… God knows… by the business partners of those wretched slave drivers. Those results of ripped condoms are allowed to play with us ponies decorously, have fun, and ride on us while the adults were doing business undisturbed.

Dr. Romer: What kind of business?

SCP-376-DE-A-11: No idea. Never bothered me. How am I supposed to catch wind of that when they negotiate outside our range. And why should I care when we were being harassed and abused by Satan's breed? They touched me everywhere and rid me until my legs, back and neck were cracking. Groomed me until they almost ripped my hair off my body and ruined my fur with their disgusting sugar-smeared hands. One of the brats was constantly screaming and crying, so that I suffered from tinnitus forever. Almost unbearable. One brat constantly wagged with carrots, apples, sugar cubes or some dirty plant waste from the floor and as we had to obey, I had to eat shit until I was completely stuffed and wanted to puke, which was impossible of course, like anatomically. You're probably aware… Dammit, I need bottle corn schnapps and a decent serving of oatmeal! Not that sweet sugar trash or do I look like some stupid circus horse?

Dr. Romer looks at SCP-376-DE-A-11 in skepticism.

SCP-376-DE-A-11: Spare your words! No… commentary… on this… I know how I look! And then I had to constantly talk with my sweet squeaky voice and be friendly to prevent being punched once the visitors have left, even if those nuisances almost put me in the loony bin. "Oh, hello my little child, may I invite you to a saccharine ride to wonderful adventures?"? „Do you want to be my dearmost friend“? Boah, if horses could vomit… I would have loved to kick the visages of those annoying brats until nothing but face goulash would have remained.

Dr. Romer: And you couldn't do anything about it?

SCP-376-DE-A-11: Of course I could. I contacted the horse union and filed a complaint at the ranch work council. What were you thinking? Of course I couldn't do anything, you moron! I'm a fucking animal! No judge would listen to me! And that's how we were treated! We had to always obey and endure those pests. And when someone screwed up, even if the brat fell off us out of their own stupidity or just cried, because… Just willy-nilly, without reason, 'cause children are just dump… we got punches, electric shocks, food withdrawal, solitary confinement for days or worse things.

Dr. Romer: I am sorry to hear that.

SCP-376-DE-A-11: Oh, forget it. This is only half the horror. They had even tried to mate us in hope of foals that would either attract more visitors or they could resell for a lot of money. Yuck, I am one of those freakshow females. Absolute no-go. If only one of them had been a decent heavy horse. A really big, plumb, muscular, dirty plug horse. A plumb race woman with a really large, horny…

Dr. Romer: clears his throat. I get the idea. Back to the topic. Have foals been birthed? Have their attempts been successful?

SCP-376-DE-A-11: No idea if the things leaving them were foals. Or animals in the first place. Boy, those beasts sometimes looked like a mixture of a horror alien movie and something that has spent too much time on the substrate of an organic waste garbage can. Anyways, it was neither rideable nor saleable. But a nice method for those sick abusers to test out their flamethrowers and live out their sadistic side.

Dr. Romer: That is horrible. And what do your conspecifics think about this circumstance? How did the others fare? I mean, the things you heard about.

SCP-376-DE-A-11: Those guys? They are not as smart between the ears as I am. They think it's completely normal that they are treated this way. Moonshadow sees it as a challenge like all his athletic achievements. Princess whines that she isn't allowed to eat bears and wolves. The quartet always always says it will only take █ years until their „actual“ owners come to pick them up. Goblin constantly in a bad mood, because all make jokes about his height. Horsy only asks someone to kill him… Smooth Hoof… Smooth Hoof is only a freaking plush animal! What's a freaking plush animal supposed to say?

Dr. Romer: Then, wouldn't flight have been a logical decision?

SCP-376-DE-A-11: It would have been had such a thing been possible. But if one of us was to approach the boarder wall more than 10 m, they first get extreme headaches and an unbearable cheeping in their ear. And if you're not back in less than 10 minutes… BOOM! Headless pony. Why do you think Icki no longer has a head. Quite ironic, as the rider usually is headless. And you saw the result in the case of [DATA EXPUNGED], when you tried to get him out of here.

Dr. Romer: I'm sorry, our fault. We should have checked it beforehand.

SCP-376-DE-A-11: Forget it. He was a dumb dick anyways. A huge suck-up ass who wanted to suck up to the ass orchestra to get perks. I believe everyone was happy when that nerd exploded. The guys before you were really mean assholes. You are okay at least.

Dr. Romer: Thanks… I guess.

SCP-376-DE-A-11: You betcha. I mean look at me. I'm no longer forced to play sweet sugar horse, no nuisances in sight for miles, no sick sex experiments with the other freaks and I even get real cigarettes and good schnapps from you guys. I think I could get used to this. This is how a horse's life should be…

<End Log>

Afterword: The subject was granted a bottle corn schnapps after the interview.

Footnotes

1. Especially with skills relating to husbandry, physiology, and behavioral patterns of horses.

2. With the exception of SCP-376-DE-A-07 to -10, which live together in a shared stall; see the list of SCP-376-DE-A instances for further details.

3. Which is at 88 km/h.

4. Cameras and other recording devices are ignored in this regard.

5. For ease of understanding, this interview was translated from Saxon to High German.