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SCP-7424: ANTI-WEEDINATOR

Author: JorgeMtzb

Special Thanks to: GlassAutomaton, Zoobeeny, Dr Blackbox, Dr Vikki Lost, Rigen, Tsercele and Glossy-lane542 for critting this article

JorgeMtzb

My first attempt at a GAW draft! Hope you enjoy.

Item#: 7424

Containment Class: safe

Secondary Class: none

Disruption Class: dark

Risk Class: warning

and stay in drugs Don't do school kids

SCP-7424

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-7424 is to be stored in a standard containment locker at Site-18. Access to SCP-7424 is restricted to Level 2 personnel and above. Cannabis products are strictly prohibited on the containment floor.

Description: SCP-7424 is a blue gardening spade measuring 20 centimeters in length with a wooden handle and a metal blade. The words "WEED-B-GONE" are written with a black permanent marker on the left side of the handle.

SCP-7424's anomalous properties activate when brought within a 10-meter proximity to any tissue, materials, or combustion byproducts derived from plants of the genus Cannabis (commonly known as marijuana). These properties also encompass any items associated with the recreational use of marijuana as a psychoactive drug.

Upon activation, SCP-7424's blade exerts a gravitational force on these materials, attracting them and subsequently absorbing them into itself. No trace of the absorbed objects have ever been found. Afterwards, SCP-7424 proceeds to launch itself at a velocity of approximately 30 meters per second towards any individual(s) who last made use of the aforementioned items, often resulting in serious injury. In case no such individual is present within its 10-meter activation radius, the anomaly will target the next individual to enter its effective range.

Addendum:

SCP-7424 came to the Foundation's attention following a series of disruptive events at a marijuana dispensary in Denver, Colorado, USA. Local authorities reported that an individual identified as Reece Stoneman had entered the establishment wielding SCP-7424. Individuals involved in the incident were hospitalized and amnesticized. After further investigation, the following online chat logs have been recovered:

+See: SCP-7424 - Recovered Materials Log

Access Granted

EmptySausage

12:01

Guys. I brought an offering.

The Reezer

12:01

Hey there fellow gamers! I'm new here.

Mr. Found

12:02

Hey!

mrwhitesphere

12:02

heya how are you

N.Y. Booze

12:02

hi dipshit

hi dipshit

hi dipshit

DullSilver

12:03

how's it going newbie

BannedAlsoBTW

12:03

Wadaosjdoaijsdoiasjd

TheReezer

12:05

I'm good, thanks!

N.Y Booze

12:05

Hi dipshit

Hi dipshit

EmptySausage

12:06

Adopt the new guy yall treat him well

BannedAlsoBtw

12:07

@EmptySausage. Poor choice of words, I'll feed him cat food.

mrwhitesphere

12:07

Really? You kiddin me? Shame.

He's gotta get scraps, not cat food. Everyone knows that.

BannedAlsoBtw

12:08

true true

my bad

N.Y. Booze

12:09

You've been B O O Z E D

EmptySausage

12:07

Booze stop B O O Z I N G people.

N.Y. Booze

12:09

Booze is my name

B O O Z I N G is my game

if you can't handle the Booze

you get B O O Z E D.

TheReezer

12:09

Well, what's the first order of business?

N.Y Booze

12:09

Crime

TheReezer

12:10

hahah

DullSilver

12:12

You could tell us a bit about yourself and your interest in the cause

TheReezer

12:09

Well, Im an avid gamer and I despise weed. Seems pretty self-explanatory.

mrwhitesphere

12:14

YEAAAAHHH FUCK WEED

BannedAlsoBtw

12:14

I wouldn't do that, sounds painful.

mrwhitesphere

12:14

wut

BannedAlsoBtw

12:15

I said, I WOULDN'T DO THAT, IT SOUNDS PAINFUL

mrwhitesphere

12:16

Does your mom sound less painful?

BannedAlsoBtw

12:16

Less painful than looking at yours.

mrwhitesphere

12:16

Shut up nerd.

TheReezer

12:17

Hahah

But uhhh

Yeah

I've actually been developing a little thing. Well, it's actually kinda big if. If I do say so myself.

EmptySausage

12:17

@BannedAlsoBtw. Don't say it.

BannedAlsoBtw

12:17

That's what she said.

EmptySausage

12:18

I will smack you with the fridge again.

BannedAlsoBtw

12:19

EmptySausage

12:20

That's it! *kicks your balls*

BannedAlsoBtw

12:20

I've got more balls than you ever will.

EmptySausage

12:21

Sorry about that lol. please continue. What is this big thing you want to speak about?

TheReezer

12:21

Well it's something a lil… let's say supernatural.

BannedAlsoBtw

12:21

What is it?

N.Y Booze

12:21

GET B O O- I'm listening.

DullSilver

12:22

Starting strong are we?

TheReezer

12:22

Yeah! I'm actually pretty excited to show ya'll. Just fair warning it's my ever first ever uhhh.

mrwhitesphere

12:23

spooky thing

TheReezer

12:23

Yes. It's my first ever spooky thing so I'm not precisely… good at it. I have no idea what I'm doing to be frank.

EmptySausage

12:23

It's fine lol, we all started somewhere no?

mrwhitesphere

12:24

Not me, I've always been a god among men.

Mr. Found

12:24

Yeah, yeah, just show us the weird magic shit already.

TheReezer

12:26

Here's a pic

mrwhitesphere

12:26

a shovel

DullSilver

12:26

do you live in a white void??

Mr. Found

12:26

that looks more like a spade

mrwhitesphere

12:26

what's even the difference?

Mr. Found

12:27

"A shovel typically has a curved blade and is used for digging. On the other hand, a spade has a flat blade and is used for cutting and removing soil."

BannedAlsoBtw

12:27

EmptySausage

12:28

What about the shovel?

Mr. Found

12:28

Spade*

TheReezer

12:30

It's called the "Weed-B-Gone" cuz you know "weed" is like a double entendre. Cuz gardeening has weeds and cuz you know "Gamers Against Weeds"

Mr. Found

12:30

We get it, we get it.

TheReezer

12:30

I made it so that it absorbs all the weed around it. It'll siphon out smoke from the air and grab blunts and stuff like that.

DullSilver

12:30

Yoo that's awesome. I could use something like that. So how do you get it back?

TheReezer

12:30

What you mean?

DullSilver

12:30

How you get the weed, I don't see like a hole or nothin

TheReezer

12:31

What?

BannedAlsoBtw

12:31

They said: "HOW DO YOU GET THE WEED, I DON'T SEE LIKE A HOLE OR NOTHIN"

TheReezer

12:32

Well, you don't. It gets rid of the weed. After it detects who was responsible for it, It hits them in the head. Not too hard, just like a lil boop, I made sure of that.

DullSilver

12:32

In all seriousness like what does it actually do tho. Or is it literally just a normal shovel. I mean if you didn't actually make full-on spooky shit just for the bit that's fair, I don't think anyone can blame you.

Mr. Found

12:33

SPADE*

DullSilver

12:33

whatever

TheReezer

12:32

What bit?

DullSilver

12:33

this was funny at first but you dragged it out for wayyy too long

mrwhitesphere

12:33

Wait, yall don't think they're serious, do yall?

EmptySausage

12:34

What? Nahhh

mrwhitesphere

12:34

@EmptySausage. Did you remember to say the name was ironic when you invited them

EmptySausage

12:34

Of course I did, I always do

mrwhitesphere

12:35

Check

EmptySausage

12:37

Shit.

TheReezer

12:38

…Ironic?

mrwhitesphere

12:38

Yeah GAW is supposed to be ironic. We don't actually fight against weed.

Emptysausage

12:39

We're just making fun of overly self-righteous groups. The whole "Gamers Against Weed" thing is a parody.

TheReezer

12:38

You- you're kidding right?

BannedAlsoBtw

12:38

wait shit they were fr fr this whole time?

DullSilver

12:39

They appear to have been

TheReezer

12:39

I really thought we were against weed! How can this be a joke? Ya'll are just fucking with me right? Please tell me ya'll are.

N.Y. Booze

12:40

Yeah, but that's besides the point

TheReezer

12:40

Oh, you know what? FUCK. YALL.

DullSilver

12:45

ouch! harsh

EmptySausage

12:45

woahh

N.Y Booze

12:46

lol

TheReezer

12:44

Yeah, I said it, go fuck yourselves

EmptySausage

12:40

let's calm down for a second. It's all in good fun.

TheReezer

12:41

Good fun!? You have no idea how much time I've invested in this! The "Anti-Weedinator" is a marvel of weed eradication technology!

DullSilver

12:41

I thought it was called the Weed-B-Gone

TheReezer

12:42

I CHANGED MY MIND OKAY? Is that a fucking crime!?

N.Y Booze

12:42

DID SOMEBODY SAY CRIME?

EmptySausage

12:43

not now booze

N.Y Booze

12:44

awww

TheReezer

12:47

Now if you excuse me, I'm outta here. Reece stoneman is leaving this hellhole with the rest of his dignitity.

And I'm taking my shovel with me.

BannedAlsoBtw

12:48

wait. your last name is fucking STONEMAN!!??

TheReezer

12:48

IT'S GERMAN

EmptySausage

12:50

I don't think that's german… aaand they're gone.

DullSilver

12:51

jeez

Mr. Found

12:51

OH GOD DAMN IT. IT'S A SPADE FFS

Matzah Balls

12:55

hey guys i'm back what'd i miss

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