SCP-2635

Item #: SCP-2635

Object Class: Euclid - Yellow

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2635 is under rotating custody of the Foundation and the Unusual Incidents Unit of the FBI. The UIU will maintain possession of the object at the Tamarack Building from January 1 through June 30. On July 1, object will be transferred to neighboring Foundation facility Site-58.1 The Foundation will keep the object until December 31, at which point it will be transferred back to the UIU facility. At no point should either entity maintain possession of SCP-2635 for over ten months. If this transfer is made impossible, for any reason, personnel stationed at Site-58 are to immediately enact Emergency Protocol Exsul. Note: All dates in this document are according to the modern Gregorian calendar.

While in Foundation possession, SCP-2635 is to be kept in a standard organic materials containment locker.

Description: SCP-2635 is an uncooked red potato (Solanum tuberosum). If any organization maintains possession of SCP-2635 for an entire calendar year, one half of all members of said organization will die as a result of spontaneous combustion. If an organization is made up of an odd number of individuals, the number of affected individuals will be rounded up to the next highest whole number. If SCP-2635 is possessed by a single individual for a year, they will die in the same manner. SCP-2635 is also believed to possess some antimemetic properties, as such events and their consequences go almost entirely unnoticed by the world at large. SCP-2635 does not degrade or decompose.

SCP-2635 is believed to have been created by one or more members of the artist collective known as Are We Cool Yet? sometime in the early 2000s after being commissioned by an unidentified Chechen anti-Russian organization, presumably for the purposes of assassinating pro-Russian politicians and public figures. The object was confiscated by GRU Division P operatives in November of 2002, but was recovered within days by covert individuals believed to have been working at the behest of AWCY?.

Recovered documentation has indicated that the "piece" was created by a single member of the collective2 and is titled "Kadyrov, metafate on tuber, piece 3 of 6". To date, none of the five other implied instances have been discovered, though several investigations are currently underway in spontaneous combustion cases in Russia, Ukraine, and Ireland.

Incident History: SCP-2635 first came to Foundation attention when it was acquired by the defense contractor Redwater, after it was mailed to the Redwater headquarters building in April of 2008. The package containing SCP-2635 is believed to have been lost in the building’s mailroom, and in April of 2009, one half of Redwater employees (totaling 351 individuals) died as a result of SCP-2635's effects. This event resulted in the disassociation of Redwater and the purchase of all Redwater assets by The Westminster Group, a holding of Marshall, Carter, and Dark Ltd., in June of 2009.

It is believed that Marshall, Carter, and Dark were somehow aware of SCP-2635, as recovered paperwork has revealed an expedited sale of SCP-2635 to one Neptune Jugend, a known POI connected to Mekhanist Extremism, in July of 2009.

In August of 2010, approximately 8,300 individuals died in a manner consistent with that of SCP-2635, all of whom were later identified with Neo-Sarkic cults. This is believed to have been a deliberate act of religious terrorism perpetrated by Mr. Jugend. In September of 2010, Marshall, Carter and Dark recovered SCP-2635 again, by unknown means.

In February of 2011, SCP-2635 and relevant documentation were recovered during a raid of a Marshall, Carter, and Dark warehouse, along with several other anomalies, including SCP-24633, and SCP-17384. SCP-2635 was given SCP designation, and moved to Site-63 for temporary containment until proper custodial arrangements could be made.

In October of 2011, several Safe and Euclid class objects, including SCP-2635, were lost during an incursion on Site-63 by a cell of the Chaos Insurgency. In October of 2012, one half of the cell operatives died as a result of SCP-2635, seriously weakening the organization and allowing Foundation recovery of many stolen anomalies in the Chaos Insurgency’s possession, with the notable exception of SCP-2635. It is believed that this event was at least partially facilitated intentionally or as a collateral result of a Global Occult Coalition attack on several CI facilities in September of 2012. Foundation espionage efforts within the GOC have determined that the organization has been aware of SCP-2635 since at least 2004.

SCP-2635 is believed to have been retained by a member of the Serpent's Hand posing as a Chaos Insurgency operative. Over the next 38 months, it is believed that the Hand used SCP-2635 to covertly assassinate heads of state in ███████ and ██████, as well as Agent Marcus Rose, a leading member of the Serpent's Hand Task Force.

On December 29th, Site Director Pauline Barrett discovered SCP-2635 in an ostensibly unused storage locker in the Euclid wing of Site-22. Director Barrett immediately reported the discovery, and automated alert systems notified relevant Foundation personnel. On January 10th of 2016, SCP-2635 began containment in the 58-Tamarack complex, and has remained there without further incident.

Addendum: In April of 2016, a single yam was found on the desk of Doctor Nottingham, Site Director of Site-58. Said yam maintains a constant temperature of 420 degrees Celsius, and Doctor Nottingham received serious burns from handling it, but has made a full recovery. Taped to the yam was a note, transcribed below.

Come on guys, that’s cheating. You're supposed to pass it around, let everyone have a turn! Not cool.

Testing has revealed no other anomalous effects, and the object has been designated SCP-2635-B, and is contained full-time at Site-58.

Footnotes

1. Both Site-58 and the Tamarack Building were established specifically for the containment of SCP-2635.

2. True identity unknown, known to associates as "alonE". Individual is well known in Slavic anart circles for anti-Russian extremism. May be directly or tangentially related to several other leftist organizations.

3. Safe, currently contained at Site-19.

4. Safe, currently contained at Site-77.