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

SCP-4768"The Tall Tales of Ulysses B. Donkman" by: DrAkimoto

Make sure you check out the Donkman's Den Hub for all your Donkman needs.

The Donkman's Den

~DrAkimoto's Author Page~

Secure, Contain, Protect

3/4768 LEVEL 3/4768

CLASSIFIED

Item #: SCP-4768

Special Containment Procedures

All sightings of SCP-4768 are to be considered a Level 3/Keneq priority response situation. MTF Kappa-12 ("Rough Riders") is tasked with investigating sightings and, if possible, capturing SCP-4768. Responding agents must be equipped with external video feed visors in order to correctly identify SCP-4768. All video or photographic evidence of SCP-4768 is to be confiscated or discredited.

The Foundation's Historical Analyses Division is to document, corroborate, and expunge records of historic SCP-4768 activity. These files are available to personnel with Level 3/4768 Clearance, in person, at the Site-51 Archive.

Description

Photograph of SCP-4768, date unknown.

SCP-4768 is a humanoid donkey who refers to itself as Ulysses B. Donkman. SCP-4768 is capable of speech and communicates in fluent English with a Southern-American accent. While viewing SCP-4768 directly with the natural eye, it manifests the appearance of a nonanomalous human male. Most witnesses' descriptions of its appearance are vague, with no discernible features being remembered. This does not occur when viewing SCP-4768 through visual media such as photographs or video.

In addition to affecting perception of itself, SCP-4768 demonstrates the ability to modify the appearance of its surrounding environment. It is unknown whether this is a byproduct of perception manipulation or reality-bending capabilities.

Witness testimony and historical records show SCP-4768 activity throughout the Southern United States from 1820 until the present day. A wide range of abilities and anomalous feats have been attributed to SCP-4768, most of which remain unconfirmed.

Attached Addenda

Discovery

Taken from Agent Besmer's footage of the Anvil Roadhouse.

SCP-4768 came to the Foundation's attention from a routine information exchange between the Foundation and Global Occult Coalition. The GOC's information included vague reports of anomalous activity involving a humanoid entity, a set of possible coordinates, and the name Ulysses B. Donkman. Civil records revealed the coordinates to be a bar named Anvil Roadhouse in Lockeville, Texas. On 1998/07/24, Foundation Outpost TX127 dispatched Investigative Agent Daniel Besmer to document the anomaly.

■ Interview | SCP-4768 ■

□ Interview | SCP-4768 □

Audio/Video Log Transcript

Date: 1998/07/24

Interviewer: Investigative Agent Daniel Besmer

Interviewed: SCP-4768

Foreword: Agent Besmer, disguised as a Texas Ranger, has entered the Anvil Roadhouse in an attempt to locate SCP-4768. The encounter is recorded via chest-cam.

[BEGIN LOG]

[Agent Besmer makes his way to the bar, several patrons stop to look at Agent Besmer before returning to their drinks.]

SCP-4768: Afternoon Ranger, what can I do ya for?

[The bartender is SCP-4768, it is wearing a button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up.]

Besmer: Yes, I'm looking for someone.

SCP-4768: Ain't we all, my friend, ain't we all.

Besmer: Yeah, well I'm looking for a man by the name of Ulysses Donkman. Have you heard of him?

SCP-4768: Oh yes, I reckon I have– he is somewhat of a local hero 'round these parts. Even got a drink named after 'em, carrot juice 'n whiskey.

[SCP-4768 takes a framed photograph off the wall behind the bar and hands it to Agent Besmer.]

Besmer: And this isn't edited?

SCP-4768: No sir, that there's the genuine article.

Besmer: You've met this "man" before?

SCP-4768: That I have, he finds his way past here from time to time. Some say he was born 'round these parts, though I reckon no one knows quite when.

Besmer: How do you mean?

SCP-4768: Well you see, folks been tellin' stories about 'ol Donkman for well, 'bout as long as anyone remembers. My grandpappy said the Indians had stories about him, that he's always been here. If'n you ask me, I find it a touch hard to believe.

Besmer: But you have met the man? Did he look like this?

[Agent Besmer holds up the photograph.]

SCP-4768: Well that's the damnedest thing. I remember meetin' him, wasn't but 20 feet from where you're sitting'. But its fuzzy, like I can't quite remember it right– suppose I was caught in the moment.

Besmer: Interesting.

SCP-4768: If'n you say so. But if we're bein' honest, the stories 'bout 'ol Donkman are by far more interesting than those 'bout me.

Besmer: Well than, why don't you share some of these stories?

SCP-4768: Now you see, dependin' on who ya' ask you'll get a different story. Some folk believe 'em to be true matter of fact, and others such as myself, believe them to be more exaggeration than fact. Excuse me.

[SCP-4768 steps away to pour several drinks for other patrons. A few minutes pass before he returns to Agent Besmer.]

SCP-4768: Ulysses is credited for runnin' 50 miles an hour from a dead stop. He once shot a man near 100 yards away with a slingshot. Man round 20 years back said he saw 'em lift a full-grown buffalo clean over his head, with one arm.

[SCP-4768 hands Agent Besmer a drink.]

Besmer: I see what you meant when you called them 'exaggerations'. Seem to just be tall tales to me.

SCP-4768: And it could very well be so, though I reckon, some might just be true. You ask some of the old timers and they'll tell ya 'bout the old stories. Like how he once out drew none other than Billy the Kid himself. As it goes, when it came time for shooting', Donkman spat 10 yards clear into Billy's eye. Billy misfired an' hit his own horse clean in the temple. By the time anyone knew what happened, Donkman was long gone, took Billy's woman too– dependin' who ya' ask.

Besmer: Are there any stories that don't sound like complete BS?

[SCP-4768 laughs, it sounds similar to the braying of a donkey.]

SCP-4768: Well, I don't reckon the truth all that important. Ulysses B. Donkman, and his seemingly tall tales, remind us of the man we all wish to be. I suppose that's the point of it all.

Besmer: Well, I think I've heard enough. Thank you for your time.

[Agent Besmer stands to leave.]

SCP-4768: If you don't mind me askin', why were you lookin' for Donkman anyhow?

Besmer: It's not important. I'm thinking that someone was just trying to get one over on me.

SCP-4768: Maybe for the better, wouldn't want to find yourself being the punchline to one of these tales.

Besmer: [Chuckles.] No, I suppose not. You have a good one.

[END LOG]

Following the encounter, Agent Besmer returned to Foundation Outpost TX127 to transcribe the audio and prepare his report. Upon reviewing the footage, the analysis team informed Agent Besmer that he had been speaking with SCP-4768 for the entirety of the encounter. Agent Besmer admits to not remembering the appearance of the man he spoke to and has difficulty recalling the encounter.

Mobile Task Force Kappa-12 was dispatched to recover SCP-4768 at the Anvil Roadhouse. Upon arrival the MTF found the building to be abandoned; this was corroborated by locals who claim the roadhouse has been closed for 10 years. The photograph of SCP-4768 remained on the roadhouse bar, an attached note reads as follows:

Thanks for stopping by and chatting. Always appreciate the company.

Desert's got a funny way of playing tricks on your eyes, doesn't it?

U. B. Donkman

P.S. It'll take more than that to catch 'ol Donkman.