

SCP-4623: The Bard (Owl) of England

Author: barredowl

Image is from here (CC BY-SA 3.0).

more from barredowl

SCP-4623 in its enclosure.

Item #: SCP-4623

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4623 is to be kept in a standard avian enclosure. In order to assess the mental health of SCP-4623, interviews are to be conducted weekly behind a reinforced glass pane, during which SCP-4623 is to be provided with a stylus or other writing stationery.

Description: SCP-4623 is a male Strix aluco, otherwise known as a tawny owl. SCP-4623 possesses a sufficient degree of motor skills in its talons to communicate through written poems1 on the bark of trees or in the dirt of its enclosure. Anatomical examination reveals that SCP-4623 possesses vocal cords consistent with that of a human.2

Addendum 4623.1 — Discovery and Acquisition: SCP-4623 was recovered on 08/24/2011, following a report to animal control services describing an owl attempting to converse with tourists near Shakespeare's Globe3. Foundation agents intercepted the call and came to retrieve SCP-4623 because of the possible demonstration of sapience, and all individuals believed to be interacting with SCP-4623 were subsequently administered Class-B amnestics prior to release. A disinformation campaign purporting SCP-4623 as being a marketing stunt for the theatre was initiated soon afterwards.

After acquisition of SCP-4623, Foundation agents obtained the following CCTV surveillance footage monitoring the area surrounding Shakespeare's Globe.

+ ACCESS scpfn://4623/videos/inc1.1.log

- CLOSE VIDEO LOG

INCIDENT LOG OF SCP-4623

[BEGIN LOG]

[08:50] SCP-4623 is brought into the premises of the theatre by an as-of-yet unidentified person. The person leaves.

[08:52] SCP-4623 attempts to vocalize numerous times, appearing to be in a state of mild distress.

[08:59] SCP-4623 approaches a passerby, attempting to grab their attention while trying to squawk. Passerby responds with mild agitation, picking up their pace.

[09:06] SCP-4623 flaps its wings as it moves towards the eastern side of the theatre to approach an onlooker, unable to take flight.

[09:08] SCP-4623 scratches on the wall of the theatre with its talons, inscribing a short message.

[09:10] SCP-4623 concludes writing. A worker at the theatre notices SCP-4623, which tries to perch on the worker's arm and point to the words. In response, the worker screams and scares SCP-4623 away.

[09:13] SCP-4623 gathers various stones on the sidewalk using its beak and places them to spell out the word "SHAKESPEARE".

[09:16] A passerby notices SCP-4623 constructing the message on the sidewalk. SCP-4623 notices the passerby, and rapidly taps the assortment of stones, occasionally pointing to itself with one of its talons. Passerby walks away.

[09:19] A pair of adolescents approach SCP-4623, trying to direct their attention to it and pointing once more to the stones. The adolescents briefly laugh, pick up one of the stones and throw it past SCP-4623. SCP-4623 grows agitated and scares the adolescents away.

[09:21] Irritated, SCP-4623 gathers additional stones, forming the sentence "I AM SHAKESPEARE".

[09:22] A worker at the theatre notices the assortment of stones and approaches SCP-4623, which is frantically tapping around the stones. He partially sweeps away the stones and notifies animal control services of SCP-4623 before sweeping it with his broomstick. SCP-4623 becomes agitated and tries to attacks the passerby, quickly retreating afterwards.

[09:25] SCP-4623 grabs more assorted materials from the ground with its talons and attempts to reconstruct the sentence. After it is finished, SCP-4623 steps aside and waits for passersby to notice it again.

[09:26] A passerby leans over the message, then glances down to SCP-4623, who is harshly tugging at their pant leg with both talons and pecking at it. The passerby responds with aggression, shaking its leg and yelling at SCP-4623 to let go.

[09:28] After various failed attempts to pique the interest of passersby, SCP-4623 eventually grows agitated, sweeping away the writing with its wing and hunching over.

[09:29] Exhausted, SCP-4623 stumbles over to the entrance of the theatre and grabs a pamphlet on a kiosk for the theatre. SCP-4623 bumps into a passerby, holds up the pamphlet with its beak, and starts fervently scraping its talons on the passerby's shoe. The passerby quickly draws their foot backwards and swiftly moves away. After approximately 15 seconds, SCP-4623 abruptly stops and throws down its wings in resignation.

[09:31] SCP-4623 leans on the theatre wall, sways back and forth, and collapses in fatigue, resting there for the remaining duration of the incident log.

[09:37] Foundation operatives posing as animal control retrieve SCP-4623, who is currently unconscious.

[END LOG]

Addendum 4623.2 — Audio Log: On 09/10/2014, a raid on the headquarters of a group of interest situated in Yorkshire, England began. The MTF unit managed to recover an audio log, believed to depict a conversation pertinent to the understanding of SCP-4623.

+ ACCESS scpfn://4623/audio/goi1.log

- CLOSE AUDIO LOG

RECOVERED AUDIO LOG

[BEGIN LOG]

Voice 1: …And this is where it's gonna take place, you see.

Voice 2: Yeah — whoa, shit, you've got like… a… (Snaps fingers) …what's it called…

Voice 1: A pentagram?

Voice 2: Yeah, that's it. Uh, so what're you going to put on it?

Voice 1: You'll see later. Feel free to seat yourself over there.

Voice 2: Oh, sure thing. You need any help with that?

Voice 1: No, no. I'm a great deal more experienced with this than you would be. It is an art reserved for masters and unfit for amateurs.

Voice 2: Hmm, a little pretentious, but I got you.

Voice 1 can be heard grabbing various boxes off a shelf and carefully setting them down on the floor.

Voice 2: That looks heavy. You sure you don't want me to help?

Voice 1: I've got it handled just fine… okay, I think I'm mostly done here. I just need to get everything out…

Sounds of removing plastic lids.

Voice 2: So how sure do you think this… ritual's going to work?

Voice 1: Fairly certain. I'm sure we'll have ourselves a Shakespeare of our own in no time. (Laughs quietly)

Voice 2: (Chuckles along with Voice 1) Heh, yeah… hey, look, I can help you there with the books, just… tell me what I need to do. I think I can —

Voice 1: (Miffed) Look, you don't understand, it's all very precise: I need to have the right book at the right position pointed just right towards the center…

Voice 2: Huh, guess I can't help you with that. Carry on.

Sounds of books shuffling on the floor.

Voice 2: So, what are those books supposed to do? Like, we're not summoning Shakespeare or anything, right, so… why are we putting all his plays here?…

Voice 1: (Sigh) It's to channel his energy, his essence. If we just put, I don't know, cabbages instead of these, you wouldn't —

Voice 2: Okay, okay, I get it. God, you're so smug and uppity just because you know how to perform a ritual. Has anyone ever told you that?

Voice 1: Yes, you, multiple times. And keep your mouth shut, or I'm gonna cut your pay in half.

Voice 2: (Whispers) Jesus…

More sounds of shuffling books.

Voice 1: …Almost finished. Hey, I'm going to need you to stand over there for me. And take this with you.

Voice 2: Alright, sure… is this blood?

Voice 1: Yes, blood extracted from a live tawny owl. You're going to —

Voice 2: Wait, hold on a second. Why can't you just make me look like Shakespeare? Why are we going through the trouble of turning me into an owl?

Voice 1: (Agitated) Please don't interrupt me.

Voice 2: Yes, yes, I'm sorry. Carry on.

Voice 1: Well, for starters, it's a lot easier to transport consciousness into smaller bodies. And any old ass can make himself look like Shakespeare without any problem. You think anybody's going to believe that Shakespeare rose from the dead when you do it like that? No way! (Brief pause) But if we've got a talking owl on our hands saying they're Shakespeare, well, then, we might be able to catch somebody's attention. Then we might be famous. Then we might be rich.

Voice 2: Makes sense.

Sounds of a lighter igniting a flame.

Voice 1: Anyway, once we get this thing going, you're going to ingest that blood you've got right there through your nose.

Voice 2: …Wait, all of it? That's gonna sting like all hell…

Voice 1: Well, not all of it. You'll ingest half of it, and then pour the rest on your chest.

Voice 2: Okayyy… is this all necessary? Seems a little strange to me.

Voice 1: Yes, it is required. And to be honest, this is relatively standard for rituals.

Voice 2: Hmm.

Pause.

Voice 2: …So how am I going to move around as an owl? —

Voice 1: (Sigh) Look, you'll move around just fine. You might have some trouble flying, if it ever comes to that, but — you'll learn how to do it fairly quickly. Now please, keep quiet and step back.

Voice 2: Okay. Sorry.

Brief pause. A large quantity of liquid can be heard splattering on the floor.

Voice 2: Whoa, what's that? Is that… lighter fluid or something?

Voice 1: It's lighter fluid mixed with a solution of saliva from various authors and owl droppings.

Voice 2: Christ, and all of this just to turn me into an owl? Wait, let me guess, is it for that "essence" you were talking about?

Voice 1: Yes, it is. And would you cut it with the sarcasm? I'm tired of it —

Voice 2: And where do you even get all this garbage from? You just go to the zoo and ask for a cup of owl piss —

Voice 1: Enough. I'm this close to throwing you out of here. If you're looking for me to pay you, don't get on my bad side.

More sounds of liquid spilling on the floor.

Voice 1: Aaaaand okay, I think we're ready. Now, I'm going to need you to take off your shirt to properly apply the blood.

Voice 2: Okay… hmm, I'm a little hesitant to go through this. Hey, is this going to hurt at all, me… turning into an owl?

Voice 1: It'll only hurt for maybe half a minute or so, but after the ritual's done and through with you probably won't feel a thing. Just stay calm and don't let the flames get to you.

Voice 2: Alright, that's — wait, are you going to set me on fucking fire? I thought —

Voice 1: Stay calm. Get through it, and it'll be all right.

Voice 2: (Hesitantly) …Well, I guess it's worth it for the salary you're getting me. Fuck, here goes nothing.

Voice 2 can be heard struggling to take his shirt off.

Voice 1: You may now use the blood.

Voice 2: Alright, here we go… guess I'll ingest the blood first and — (Coughs violently) God, fuck, that stings…

Voice 1: Go ahead and apply the blood to your chest.

Voice 2: Well… fuck man, give me a sec…

Sound of blood splashing.

Voice 2: …Oof, there we are. God, it's like… it feels like it's boiling on my skin. What the hell'd you put in this…

Voice 1: It's formaldehyde. Now, one last step. Move to the center of the pentagram and lay down. Then, I'll get you something to hold.

Voice 2: Christ, you're going to make me lay in the — owl urine? God, this better work, or else —

Voice 1: Shush. There is very little chance of this failing on us, okay?

Voice 2: All right, if you say so.

Sounds of paper rustling.

Voice 2: God, it's sticky and everything… Hey, what are you getting for me there?

Voice 1: I'm looking for the sonnet — ah, there we go.

Voice 2: Thank god.

Voice 1: …All right. What I'm going to have you do is recite this sonnet in your best Shakespeare voice while holding this.

Voice 2: Is that a feather?

Voice 1: It's an owl feather.

Voice 2: Wait, it's all damp… wait, did you — what did you put it in…

Voice 1: Owl droppings.

Voice 2: Yep. Fucking knew it.

Voice 1: Anyway, please, go ahead, read that.

Voice 2: Well, all right then. (Clears throat)

"Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?

Thou art more lovely and more temperate:

Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,

And summer’s lease hath all too short a date —"

Voice 1: Stop. Stop right there.

Voice 2: What — was that good?

Silence.

Voice 2: Is it working?

Voice 1: Yes, yes, it's working fine. Now, face down if you like, I need to set you on fire.

Voice 2: (Exhales sharply) Yeah, no fucking way this is gonna work. I'm going to die.

Voice 1: Stay where you are. This won't hurt as much if you're calm.

Voice 2: Oh, fucking Christ, as if I'm gonna be calm in this situation.

Voice 1: …Is there anything I can do to calm you down?

Voice 2: (Miffed) Well, right now, I'm really starting to rethink agreeing to getting turned into an owl.

Voice 1: Relax, relax. Think of the fame, think of the fortune. Living a lifetime in the spotlight will most certainly make up for half a minute of pain.

Voice 2: Okay, okay… when you put it like that… all right, let's do it. Don't even warn me beforehand, let's just… get this over with.

Voice 1: There we go. Now hold still for me.

Sounds of footsteps backing away. Voice 2 can be heard breathing in and out heavily.

Voice 2: (Sigh) Being an owl's gonna fucking suck.

[END LOG]

Footnotes

1. SCP-4623 is only fluent in English.

2. There were no signs of any physical alterations in SCP-4623, and SCP-4623 has seemingly lost the ability to vocalize.

3. Located in London, England.