Item #: SCP-3679

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: The kit containing SCP-3679 is to be stored in a standard object containment locker. Tests utilizing SCP-3679 must be carried out or approved by a level 3 researcher assigned to SCP-3679.

Investigation into the identity and location of PoI-3679 is currently underway. The online storefront maintained by PoI-3679 is to be monitored and any newly identified customers are to be located and amnesticized after their purchases are confiscated.

Description: SCP-3679 is an unbranded ballpoint pen purchased online as a part of a writing kit. Chemical analysis shows the contents of SCP-3679 to be natural non-anomalous red ink. Despite this, tests have indicated that any writing done with SCP-3679 results in a blend of ink and the writer's own blood being used; no test subjects have displayed any discomfort or injury that would otherwise explain this, and prolonged use of SCP-3679 has failed to result in any noticeable differences in blood pressure or other such factors.

Statements written with SCP-3679 are contractually binding: violating a claim or promise written with SCP-3679 invariably results in the writer's injury or death occurring within the following 24 hours. Causes of death have included non-anomalous factors (e.g. heart failure or accidental death) as well as anomalous factors (e.g. spontaneous human combustion or unprovoked decapitation). Those bound by a contract written with SCP-3679 have an innate understanding of the penalties for violating said contract, and as such, show a notable unwillingness to violate their terms.

SCP-3679 was purchased from seller "shadow-queen", designated PoI-3679, through the popular online marketplace Etsy.com after a routine scan indicated potential anomalous activity based on the reviews left on PoI-3679's store. SCP-3679 was originally a part of a kit marketed as a "Do-it-Yourself Geas1 Kit", which contained SCP-3679, a pad of fifty non-anomalous sheets of paper, and a note from the seller.

Document-3679

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Do-it-Yourself Geas Kit

Tired of broken promises? Rival hero stealing all your thunder?

Create your own geas today!

Forbid them from cutting their hair, prohibit them from refusing a gift!

Make them do anything you can think of with this simple kit!

All you have to do is get them to sign!

WARNING: Seller is not responsible for any injury or death caused as a result of this kit.

Initial attempts at making contact with PoI-3679 were rejected. After leaving a one-star review of the purchased kit, PoI-3679 initiated correspondence with Senior Researcher Maxwell, head researcher assigned to SCP-3679.

Chat Log 3679

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shadow-queen: hey asshole

shadow-queen: wtf is with the one star rating

rjmaxwell: Hello. I'm not sure what you're referring to.

shadow-queen: look

shadow-queen: dont play dumb

shadow-queen: this is because iwas ignoring you right

rjmaxwell: Are you referring to the review that was left on your product?

shadow-queen: uhhhh i literally just said that

shadow-queen: look buddy

shadow-queen: im just trying to make a living here

rjmaxwell: I see.

shadow-queen: then take down the review wtf

rjmaxwell: That could be arranged, if you're willing to answer a few questions for me.

shadow-queen: jesus christ this is blackmail

shadow-queen: you know that right

rjmaxwell: Just a few questions.

shadow-queen: fine just ask the damn questions

rjmaxwell: Are you aware of the anomalous properties in the pen you shipped us?

shadow-queen: uhh

shadow-queen: thats kind of the point?

shadow-queen: how useless would a geas pen be if it didn't form a geas lmao

shadow-queen: look i run an honest business

shadow-queen: what you see is what you get

shadow-queen: and its bastards like you that ruin people like me when you leave jank reviews

rjmaxwell: I'll remove it after we conclude this interview.

rjmaxwell: Follow-up question. Where did you obtain the anomalous pen?

shadow-queen: i made it

shadow-queen: you do know how this website works right

rjmaxwell: You made the anomalous pen? Would you care to share how you did that?

shadow-queen: trade secret

shadow-queen: even if i told you you probably couldnt reproduce it

shadow-queen: ive been doing this for a while

rjmaxwell: And you've sold a lot of pens?

shadow-queen: enough

shadow-queen: its not just pens

shadow-queen: weve got more stuff on the way

shadow-queen: check out the rest of my shop

shadow-queen: or actually dont since youll probably leave shitty reviews

rjmaxwell: Would you be willing to provide us a list of your customers?

shadow-queen: no. im pretty sure thats illegal anyway

shadow-queen: ive got work to do so can we wrap this up

shadow-queen: im sure youve got other skips to deal with anyway

rjmaxwell: What do you mean by "skip"?

shadow-queen: lol

shadow-queen: i think were done here

shadow-queen: dont bother contacting me again

shadow-queen: unless you want to give me back my spear

shadow-queen: and take down that shitty review

shadow-queen: or else

PoI-3679 ended communication after this, leading Foundation personnel to attempt to track them by IP. After locating an IP address, agents were dispatched with orders to capture PoI-3679 if possible. When agents arrived at the location derived from the traced IP address2, they found only a small copse of trees showing no signs of human habitation. Field agents have been assigned to observe this location until further notice.

Any customers that had left reviews on SCP-3679 have been located and amnesticized, with duplicate kits being incinerated.

Footnotes

1. geas (/geSH/) noun: (in Irish folklore) an obligation or prohibition magically imposed on a person.

2. Located on the Isle of Skye in Northern Scotland.