SCP-5070 at rest.

Item #: SCP-5070

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5070 is to be kept in Site-15's indoor aviary. 2x4 wooden planks coated in red paint are to be provided to SCP-5070 three times a day for feeding purposes. After completion of feeding, the planks are to be retrieved and repainted. One live rabbit is to be provided to SCP-5070 weekly. In the event that SCP-5070 escapes, personnel are to use red objects to lure the anomaly back to containment.

Description: SCP-5070 is a black desktop stapler. SCP-5070 is sentient, and displays behavior similar to birds of the Picidae1family. It is capable of locomotion through short hops or flight, which is accomplished through the use of two triangular pieces of A4 paper taped to the handle, which act as wings. Testing has confirmed that the paper is heavily durable compared to non-anomalous counterparts. Other than an inscription etched on the bottom of SCP-5070 displaying the word “VAMP”, the item is in good condition.

SCP-5070 is normally passive, and shows signs that resemble affection towards humans2 with the exception of feeding. In this hunting state, it will protrude staple teeth from the hole of the carrier and hunt for the nearest living animal. Upon locating prey, it will attempt to crush or fasten the prey to nearby surfaces and repeatedly staple it until deceased3, then piercing the skin a final time before sucking the entirety of the blood using the staple teeth as a focal point. It is currently unknown how SCP-5070 is able to absorb blood, nor what becomes of the liquid after consumption. After feeding, it will return to a passive state.

SCP-5070 is able to use red coloring as a substitute for sustenance. When given objects colored red (or other shades of red), it will approach and 'bite' down on the widest surface possible. The color will recede to where the teeth meet until disappearing completely, leaving neutral colors (white, gray, black etc.) behind. This process only affects the color red; other colors will be unaffected. Despite being able to gain sustenance from any red object, SCP-5070 prioritizes blood as a food source. After incidents of SCP-5070 attacking personnel following long periods of substitute feeding, containment procedures have been updated to include the introduction of one live rabbit once every week to amend the issue.

Discovery: On 9/15/2008, SCP-5070 was discovered by the Foundation following a series of reports involving red objects suddenly turning gray without apparent cause in Mission Viejo, California. Agents were dispatched to the area and eventually encountered SCP-5070 stapling carcasses of squirrels to a tree within the premises of a private golf course. SCP-5070 did not resist and was apprehended with relative ease. All objects affected were repainted to their original color as necessary.

Shortly after capture, it became apparent that the objects that SCP-5070 had affected led a trail from the golf course to the suburban home of Dominic White (PoI-1877), a 29-year old accountant employed by the ███ ████████ Company. The house was found uninhabited at the time. The premises was investigated and uncovered multiple indicators that SCP-5070 was kept in the house. Among these were:

All windows, with the exception of the second-floor bathroom, were covered in blinds and each of the doors leading inside the building had multiple locks installed on them.

All of the wooden furniture were covered in layers of bubble wrap.

An abundant amount of cans of red paint and wooden blocks were stored in the pantry.

Binders detailing thaumaturgic practices and arts were found on a work bench in the garage. Inside the binder was a set of written transactions detailing a list of items being sent to various named individuals4.

A custom-made indoor aviary in the main bedroom. The bars of the cage were made of denser metals and were significantly reinforced. Inside the aviary contained the seat and chain of a playground swing set, a bird feeder modified to dispense rabbit blood, and several chew toys embedded with staples.

A search was immediately issued for PoI-1877. Foundation agents posing as law enforcement investigated ███ ████████; it was revealed that he left work early on the excuse of a family emergency. All attempts to trace his cell phone have failed.

Nearly a month after containment of SCP-5070, security personnel discovered PoI-1877 scouting the area of Site-15. He attempted to flee but was quickly arrested. PoI-1877's vehicle was found nearby along with a bag of tools, a Crosman brand BB gun and a rough sketch of the layout of the Site stored in the trunk. Upon confirming PoI-1877's identity, an interview was scheduled to determine his relationship with SCP-5070.

+ ACCESS SCP:/5070/interview/PoI-1877

- Close File

INTERVIEW LOG

DATE: 10/15/2007

INTERVIEWER: Dr. Barrs

INTERVIEWEE: PoI-1877

[BEGIN LOG]

Dr. Barrs: State your name for the record.

PoI-1877: Why? I'm pretty sure you guys know who I am at this point.

Dr. Barrs: Just… state your name, please.

PoI-1877: Dominic White. Happy now?

Dr. Barrs: So, Mr. White. Before we detained you, our people found you hiding behind some rocks with binoculars. You attempted to escape. Care to explain?

PoI-1877: I wanted to explore. I don't see how that's a crime.

Dr. Barrs: As in exploring, you mean planning to break into a highly-classified building which you shouldn't have been at in the first place. I don't think a BB gun is exactly the most appropriate weapon to use in this situation. Don't you think?

PoI-1877 shrugs and remains silent.

Dr. Barrs: Okay, why don't we make this simple and get to the point. The stapler is the reason why you're here? I'm guessing you wanted to reclaim back what's yours?

PoI-1877: You're talking like Vamp was nothing but a simple toy to me. Hell, he's the most important thing in my life. I don't expect you guys to get that. But hey! That's part of the deal I guess.

Dr. Barrs: Then why not help us understand? Surely your input would allow us to help your friend better.

PoI-1877: Haven't you guys put the pieces together already?

Dr. Barrs: We would like to hear it from your perspective. What is your relationship between you and the entity?

PoI-1877: It doesn't matter. Skip.

Dr. Barrs: You don't get… How about this. You answer truthfully without any missing details, and you might not be locked in a room for the foreseeable future. We might even take more consideration with your case as well.

PoI-1877: You drive a hard bargain. What the hell, fine. If this is going to be my highlight might as well make it memorable. Hm… that question is a bit complicated. I don't know where to start.

Dr. Barrs: Why not start from the beginning? You must have had a first encounter with anomalies.

PoI-1877: In that case… It started in the middle of college. One day, dad came to me and said he was a magician. I thought he lost his mind, then he showed me some magic. To say the least, I almost lost mine too.

Dr. Barrs: Your father was a 'magician'?

PoI-1877: That's what he called anartists. Apparently he'd been one in secret for sometime and finally decided I was ready to learn the hobby of his. It was a great venture at the time and I became his protégé until he passed away. After that, I became focused with my job and just worked to keep the house. I didn't feel satisfied with the paychecks as of late so I decided to become more creative of increasing the cash flow.

Dr. Barrs: So you produced anomalies to turn a profit.

PoI-1877: Hey, I'm not an arms dealer! The stuff I made were typically for jokes or were tools for minor inconveniences. I never sold weapons. They send me what they want, and I deliver. It pays decently too.

Dr. Barrs: So what about the stapler? Was it created due to a request?

PoI-1877: No. My jackass boss dumped loads of paperwork on my desk and I had a narrow deadline. I decided to finish it at home. I remember signing and stapling the papers together but it got hazy after that. I don't know if it was something leftover from my previous projects or maybe it was the universe's way of telling me that my job sucked. Who knows, but when I woke, I saw my stapler, the same one I've been using for nearly a decade, flying around the garage like a confused animal. It was a first for me.

Dr. Barrs: Care to elaborate? You said you created anomalies for a living.

PoI-1877: I did, but I was never able to give life to my creations before. I was excited, it motivated me to reach for the big leagues, expand my brand so to speak. I got in contact with a lot of big names but… um…

Dr. Barrs: The deals didn't work out as you hoped?

PoI-1877: Rejected. Every single of them. Said he was not interesting or it was too much of a hassle to deal with him. It doesn't faze me now but back then it was a huge gut punch. Like everything I did at that point was just sub-par at best. After that wake up call I had to rethink a lot of things, one of them was figuring out what to do with Vamp.

Dr. Barrs: And that was when you decided to take the entity into your custody.

PoI-1877: Not at first. I originally kept him around because I didn't know what to do with him. I was debating whether to dismantle or toss him. But I couldn't do it. It was my creation, a child of mine. Vamp hurt my chances but he didn't deserve that. It wasn't right. And I guess after some more time he grew on me. Sure he was erratic and has bit me more times than I can count, but I loved him and he loved me. He reminded me a lot of Dakota.

Dr. Barrs: Who is Dakota?

PoI-1877: A Goldendoodle I used to own when I was a kid. In fact, she was a part of the family for as long as I could remember. She was a mischievous devil. One of her greatest moments were her stealing food or barking at stupid things on the tv. But she made it up by being a love bug. I had more of a relationship with Dakota than… most of the people I ever met. But she was so old. I was sad to see her go. The house was never the same. Vamp filled the void and I treated him as a pet ever since. He was a pain in the ass but he was worth it.

Dr. Barrs: I would imagine taking responsibility for such a thing would be difficult.

PoI-1877: Oh don't get me wrong. He was a challenge but not in the way you're thinking. My salary covered the cost of getting supplies, it was keeping him in the house that was a chore. It was hard enough I had to stapler-proof the house but unlike Dakota, he was adventurous and didn't like being kept inside for the majority of the day. It didn't help that he also gets easily bored. I tried entertaining him as best I could but my job consumed most of my free time. The worst part was I had to frequently leave him at home. Alone. I couldn't hire a pet-sitter, couldn't risk the attention.

Dr. Barrs: Has it ever escaped?

PoI-1877: On occasion. Somehow he would escape from the cage and try to get outside. I managed to catch him in time, but as we all know, I lost my streak. Still don't know how he got out.

Dr. Barrs: Well according to the report, one of the windows in the bathroom were opened-

PoI-1877: What? The bathroom? Dammit! PoI-1877 covers his eyes with his left hand and groans. I fucking knew I missed something when I left. Uh, Vamp didn't cause trouble on his day out, did he?

Dr. Barrs: It damaged public property but that's the extent. We're curious as to what you were doing on the day of the stapler's capture. ███ ████████ stated you left due to a family emergency.

PoI-1877: Oh that? That was a lie, well… half-lie. I left because I saw him out of the house, and I rushed into my car to snatch him before someone else did. Or at least I tried.

Dr. Barrs: That's not possible as the stapler was nowhere near ███ ████████.

PoI-1877: I didn't see him with my eyes. I saw him with my mind.

Dr. Barrs: With… your mind?

PoI-1877: You heard of remote viewing? I can do that. It was the only reason why I felt comfortable leaving him at home.

Dr. Barrs: Y-You… what?! How are you ab-

PoI-1877: Runs in the family apparently. I was only aware of it when dad taught me. Hope that explains a lot.

Dr. Barrs: Your family line has psychic capabilities? Is this abnormality due to your genetics or-

PoI-1877: Look, if you want to know more about it, fine. But this is all about him, right? Why go off-course with such an irrelevant topic? I'll happily tell you more about the finer details when this is over. I can tell you're the kind of guys that love to get their nose in everyone's business.

Dr. Barrs: Erm… Alright then. Continue.

PoI-1877: Anyways, I had a particularly shitty day: too much work, overbearing coworkers, didn't get enough sleep either. I can't view things well when I'm stressed, it gets fuzzy. When I finally got a chance to breathe, I saw him… happily munching on a license plate, and that's when I bolted. I drove but when I viewed you guys scooping him up I knew there was no coming back from this… and perhaps it was for the best.

Dr. Barrs: You wanted us to contain your pet?

PoI-1877: Hell no. I wished this whole thing never happened, but you know what? It gave me clarity. For the longest time, I've been taught that getting high on the food chain was the definition of success. But if that's true, then why do I still feel like I'm still wasting my life? I figured it out. That's what I wanted in life, not what I needed. Picture this doc: you're young and you were raised that if you work hard, just put the effort in, you'll be set for life. A happy ending.

PoI-1877: Then you grow up. You've gotten yourself a great house but barely have the time to appreciate it due to work. You feel tired every day but you have to act like you're not because people have expectations of you and you cannot disappoint. Most people you've met are either oblivious about the world or inherently self-centered to the point where it's disgusting. And all the people you can rely on are gone and now you have to brave the path forward, not sure where to go and what to do. And you want to go back to the days when things were simple but you can't because you got responsibilities and just thinking about it makes you want to fucking scream!

PoI-1877 slams his right fist on the table. He remains silent for eight seconds before retracting his arm.

PoI-1877: Sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out like that. It's been a long day.

Dr. Barrs: I-It's quite alright, I understand. So Vamp helped you by relieving stress?

PoI-1877: More than that. He brought back a semblance of what used to be. It was small, but enough. He was not man's best friend but he was certainly mine. The thought of him disappearing to some Area-51 spin-off was unacceptable. So I did research in conjunction with the viewing and eventually found the place. I made a map from what I saw and crossed my fingers. Just wished I didn't get caught so damned easily.

Dr. Barrs: Why not just have made another 'Vamp'? Surely that would have fixed everything?

PoI-1877: Tell me, if you loved someone or something very much, so much that they’re a part of who you are, would you just replace them with some look-alike? No. It was either I got Vamp back or nothing. And yeah, maybe I would've been physically better off, but I could never forgive myself if I did. I wanted to do what I thought was right in the face of overwhelming odds and I failed. At least that's something, right? Most people wouldn't dare. They'd just let life guide them by the ear rather than the other way around. Not me. I would do anything for him, and I feel like he'd do the same for me too.

PoI-1877 lowers his head. He covers his face.

Dr. Barrs: I see. Thanks for your cooperation. I think that does it for today. Just sit tight and I'll call-

PoI-1877: Don't mindwipe me.

Dr. Barrs: I beg your pardon?

PoI-1877 raises his head. His eyes are watering.

PoI-1877: Please don't wipe my memories. Us veterans in the 'anomalous' community are aware that you guys have ways of making people forget things they shouldn't know. I don't care if you guys lock me up forever or kill me, but please! Don't make me forget. I don't want to go back. I don't want it all to be for nothing!

Dr. Barrs: Hold on, let's calm down her-

PoI-1877: You said you'd look at my case, right? I'm sure you're having problems with Vamp. I know some tricks that might help. In fact, I'd be a very valuable asset to you guys. I know magic and the viewing too! Maybe we can work something out?

Dr. Barrs: I… hold on. I need to make some calls.

[END LOG]

Afterword: After much consideration, due to PoI-1877's experience in thaumaturgy and remote viewing capabilities, he was assigned MTF Sigma-66 ("Sixteen Tons") 6 months following this interview. PoI-1877's recommendations to SCP-5070's containment procedures have been acknowledged. Proposal to allow Po1-1877 to interact with SCP-5070 once every two weeks have been approved.

Footnotes

1. Woodpecker

2. SCP-5070 expresses affection by perching on the shoulder and rubbing against the neck whilst clapping its carrier against the crimp area in repetitive short bursts. To most staff, this is generally viewed with discomfort.

3. When pulling the handle away from the carrier, SCP-5070 is found to be empty of staples. It has been theorized that SCP-5070 produces these staples internally when in its hunting state.

4. These were not legitimate names, but codenames.