Item #: SCP-4306

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4306 is to remain employed at Site-47 for as long as it remains cooperative. SCP-4306's living area is to be a sparsely furnished room built adjacent to MSC-231.

SCP-4306 is to wear a remote-activated electrified collar at all times. RFID sensors have been placed at all entrance and exit checkpoints at Site-47. In case of systems failure, the on-shift security supervisor will have a battery-operated remote activator on their person at all times.

SCP-4306-1 through SCP-4306-4 are to be contained in a standard secure containment locker which has been installed in MSC-23. SCP-4306 is allowed unrestricted access to these items for custodial duties.

Description: SCP-4306 is a twenty-nine year old human male, 178cm tall and 95.3kg in weight with black hair, green eyes, and tan skin. SCP-4306's skin2 is decorated with tattoos and scars frequently associated with membership in the motorcycle gang known as the 'Vagos Motorcycle Club3'. Of note, there is a large tattoo on its back which depicts the Norse deity Loki seated atop a custom Harley-Davidson motorcycle.

SCP-4306-1 through SCP-4306-44 are as follows:

Item Designation
Item Description

SCP-4306-1
An American Market cotton string mop with wooden handle and stainless steel frame.

SCP-4306-2
A Grainger Industries plastic mop bucket and wringer. The bucket's liquid capacity is 33.122 liters. The original yellow surface has been painted over with lines and circular geometric patterns of various colors.

SCP-4306-3
A Quickie multi-surface fiberglass push broom.

SCP-4306-4
An ULine broom and dust pan combination. Similar to SCP-4306-2, SCP-4306-4's dust pan is also painted with lines and geometric patterns of various colors.

SCP-4306's duties include and are limited to custodial work, incident cleanup, and hazardous testing cleanup.

Properties: SCP-4306's anomalous properties manifest in three facets, hereforth called 'events':

Event Designation
Event Trigger
Description of Anomaly

STJ-01
SCP-4306 uses SCP-4306-1 and SCP-4306-2 within parameters of normal use.
Minor teleportation effect observed. Area where STJ-01 occurs becomes instantaneously clean and sanitary upon trigger. (See Observation Log SCP-4306-STJ-A)

STJ-02
SCP-4306 uses SCP-4306-3 within parameters of normal use.
Minor teleportation effect observed. Any and all dirt, pieces of bone, tile chips, or other small to medium particulate matter on the floor of an area are teleported into well-organized piles. (See Observation Log SCP-4306-STJ-B)

STJ-03
SCP-4306 uses SCP-4306-4 within parameters of normal use.
Minor teleportation effect observed. Any and all small to medium dirt, paper, or other such refuse are teleported into the dust pan of SCP-4306-4. (See Observation Log SCP-4306-STJ-C)

Note: Testing has revealed that the anomalous properties of SCP-4306 do not manifest when it utilizes non-anomalous custodial implements. Similarly, SCP-4306-1 through SCP-4306-4 do not manifest any anomalous properties when handled by other personnel.

Addenda:

Addendum — Acquisition File — 4306-STJ, dated 08 March 2012:

UAI Report5: Assistant Researcher K. Philips — Submitted to Lead Researcher J. Whitt on 2012/03/02. An scanned excerpt follows:

Scanned copy of UAI Report 195-12-614. Mouse over to enlarge.

+ Typed Copy

- Typed Copy

Personnel involved: Researcher K. Philips, D-45417, D-46751.

Time/Date of Incident: 2012/03/02 at 1057* 1054

At 1057* 1054, I was supervising the cleanup of Testing Lab 46B. When D-45417 took the mop out, dunked it in the cleaning solution, and touched it to the floor, everything was cleaned instantly sanitized. At the same time, D-46751 was instantaneously shifted five centimeters to her left, I was shifted a little above the floor, and other items around the room (such as the instruments rack and whatnot) were also shifted around within one centimeter of their original positioning.

It is possible that D-45417 may have spatial anomalous properties. We need to perform some tests.

* Sorry, I just realized my watch is off by three minutes!

- Typed Copy

SCP Classification Request: Lead Researcher J. Whitt — Submitted to Site Director at 0143 on 2012/03/04. An excerpt follows:

As you can see from the attached video documentation, the subject, D-45417, was able to reproduce this effect across multiple tests and with various cleaning implements. During each of the tests involving the subject using the mop and bucket, the floor, walls, and ceiling of the test chamber are cleaned instantaneously, and various other subjects, items, and researchers are moved via instantaneous shifting to varying distances.

Subject has also shown marked psychological changes. Included with this report are D-45417's psychological profile and behavior reports. Compare those to the behavior reports included after the UAI Report was filed by Assistant Researcher Philips and observe the rapid decrease in hostility and an equally rapid increase in compliance and docility.

Addendum — Observation Logs:

Observation Log — SCP-4306-STJ-A:

SCP-4306 is instructed to use SCP-4306-1 and SCP-4306-2 on the floor of a standard testing chamber located in the west wing of Site-47. SCP-4306-2 is filled with 33 liters of a solution of 10% Pine-Sol cleaner and 90% distilled water. Upon contact with the floor, the room became clean and the water in SCP-4306-2 became cloudy. Analysis reveals the cloudiness in the water is a result of the dirt and other contaminants from the floor, walls, and ceiling. Of note, the desk, chair, book case, and filing cabinet were instantaneously shifted by varying distances not exceeding 4cm.

Observation Log — SCP-4306-STJ-B:

SCP-4306 is instructed to use SCP-4306-3 on the floor of the hallway outside of personnel break room on first floor of Site-47. Upon contact with the floor, all dirt and other loose debris from the morning's retirement party for Dr. Willitz appeared in three neat piles. The blood stains on the floor were not cleaned but instead were smudged by what appeared to be the bristles of SCP-4306-3. SCP-4306 was then instructed to use SCP-4306-1 and SCP-4306-2 to finish cleaning the floor. Result is similar to those noted in prior log.

Note: Residual materials recovered from SCP-4306-3's bristles matched the composition of the debris recovered from the three piles.

Observation Log — SCP-4306-STJ-C:

SCP-4306 is instructed to use SCP-4306-4 on the floor in the former office of the retired Dr. Willitz. Upon contact of SCP-4306-4's broom with the floor, all dirt and loose debris on the floor appeared in SCP-4306-4's dust bin. All items in Dr. Willitz's office were moved to varying distances not exceeding 1cm.

Note: Upon inspection of the office after the experiment, it was revealed that the analogue desk clock on Dr. Willitz's desk6 had been set forward by five minutes and forty-seven seconds during the experiment. As nobody had interacted with the clock, researchers summoned the on-site forensics team to investigate. Latent fingerprints were lifted from the clock which confirmed that SCP-4306 had held the clock in his right hand for an extended period of time despite not having moved during Event SCP-4306-STJ-C. Further dusting for fingerprints revealed that SCP-4306 had also moved Dr. Willitz's desk, chair, and filing cabinet.

Addendum — Interview Log Excerpt, dated 2012/06/23:

Interviewer: Assistant Researcher K. Philips [KP]

Interviewee: SCP-4306

Location: Assistant Researcher K. Philips' office

KP: Good afternoon, SCP-4306. Can you please state your name for the record?

SCP-4306: Stan the Janitor.

KP: Your personnel file states that your name is Robert J. Turner.

SCP-4306: I don't think so. My name is Stan the Janitor, and I'm here to clean.

KP: Of course. Can you describe for me what happens when you clean?

SCP-4306: It's like I go into a zen place, you know? Everything is still and quiet except for the sound of the mop and bucket. Sometimes I hear wind chimes, but I can't ever find them. It doesn't matter, though. The sound makes everything feel… peaceful.

KP: That's interesting. Can you tell me more about this feeling of zen?

SCP-4306: It's like the feeling of a wet mop slapping against a perfectly clean floor. You know it's clean, but you do it anyway because if you don't, it'll get dirty again. But when you're in that moment, you don't worry about that. You're just focused on the task at hand, and everything else falls away.

KP: So you find cleaning to be fulfilling?

SCP-4306: More than that. Cleaning is my purpose. It's why I'm here. It's what I was made to do. You know that feeling when you're doing something you love and time just flies by? That's what cleaning is for me. I could spend my entire life cleaning this one room, and it would be enough.

KP: That's quite the metaphor. Can you explain what you mean?

SCP-4306: It's like, you know, life is like a dirty floor. It gets messy and chaotic, and it's easy to get lost in all the clutter. But when you clean, you're making sense of all that chaos. You're giving order to something that's otherwise random and meaningless. And when you're done, you can stand back and see what you've accomplished. It's a small victory, but it's a victory nonetheless.

KP: I see. What do you do when people are standing in the way while you mop, or when there's furniture?

SCP-4306: Well, I ask them politely to move, of course. But sometimes they don't respond, so I gently pick them up and move them to the side, making sure to put them back in their original place afterward.

KP: Sorry, I'm not sure I understand. How do you move people and objects so easily?

SCP-4306: It's not so much that I move them easily, it's that they don't resist. It's as if they know that I have a job to do, and they don't want to get in the way of that. Or maybe they just sense that I'm meant to clean, and they're happy to be a part of that purpose.

KP: I guess that's one way to look at it. Speaking of purpose, do you feel like you have found your purpose here at Site-47?

SCP-4306: Oh, I don't know about all that. I'm just here to clean. But who knows, maybe one day I'll stumble upon the meaning of life while scrubbing the floors.

KP: That would certainly be something. Alright, Stan, I think we're just about done here. Is there anything else you'd like to add?

SCP-4306: Just one thing, KP. Remember, life is like a dirty floor. You can either clean it up or slide around in the muck. Me? I prefer a clean path.

KP: Words to live by, Stan. Thank you for your time.

[SCP-4306 stands up and exits the room, leaving KP alone to contemplate the metaphor.]

Addendum — Request for Training of D-Class Personnel by SCP-4306:

Assistant Researcher K. Philips has submitted a request to Site Director Johnson to allow SCP-4306 to orient and train D-Class personnel as custodians, citing SCP-4306's expertise in cleanliness and the potential benefits of incorporating The Path of Cleanliness into custodial duties. The request has been approved by Site Director Parrish.

Footnotes

1. Maintenance Supply Closet 23 is located near the first floor personnel break room at Site-47.

2. With exception to its head, hands, and feet.

3. The Vagos is a highly volatile 'one-percenter' motorcycle club whose primary area of influence is the American Midwest, specifically Southern California, Nevada, and Arizona.

4. These items were purchased at a local office supply store.

5. Unexpected Anomalous Incident Report.

6. This clock was given to Dr. Willitz in 1986 by his supervisor. Etched onto the face of the clock is, "No excuses. Do not be late again." Similarly etched on the backside of the clock is, "This clock is never wrong. It has a small nuclear cell battery, and the inner workings are encased in tungsten to prevent you from changing the time."