GreenGolem

Written by GreenGolem. This article is building off of the story inside of SCP-5847 by Tstaffor, this article would not be here without them.

+ Thanks Critters!

- Golem

Thanks to IronShears, Acethe6, Catfisch, and Draconocor on the IRC channel for giving this a look through!

Thanks to Tstaffor and Dysadron on discord for critting this piece as well!

This article would not have been the same without them.

+ Author Commentary

– hide block

I was reading 5847 and I thought "Wait a second, this is genius. But wouldn't having an entire canon generated from terrible food puns be even better?" And so it was. I created a whole canon surrounding the Food Isles. The Sausages, Carrots, and Pineapples Foundation is now in control, and will stage the food revolution!

For more content from me, check out my Author Page!

Item#: 6847

Containment Class: euclid

Secondary Class: none

Disruption Class: dark

Risk Class: notice

Assigned Site
Site Director
Research Head
Assigned Task Force

Site-129
Yasmin Boris
Hudson Bassett
Pi-11 ("Apple Pickers")1

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-6847 is to be kept in standard humanoid containment chamber. Since SCP-6847 by itself is low risk, no other containment procedures are neccessary.

Description: SCP-6847 is a sapient pear approximately one meter tall. It possesses arms and legs similar in shape to that of an adult male. Despite these arms and legs being made of the same material as the torso2, SCP-6847 is capable of movement without issue. It possesses the capability to speak; how it does so is unknown, given the lack of any facial features. SCP-6847 speaks with prevalent use of culinary-based puns. If these puns have the same pronunciation as their counterparts, SCP-6847 will put more emphasis on certain parts of the word in order to get the pun across.

SCP-6847 does not require food or liquid to survive. Additionally, it possesses mild regenerative abilities. SCP-6847 claims that destruction of its core will neutralize both of these properties.

SCP-6847 was discovered on 7/19/2020 inside of a park located in the U.S. state of Georgia. Upon discovery, SCP-6847 was in the process of fighting off two mallard ducks. SCP-6847 was recovered with no serious injuries.

Addendum 6847.1: Intake Interview

[BEGIN LOG]

BASSETT: Hello, thank you for being here.

6847: Not like I had a choice. Your guys beet and dragged me down here. Not a very good way to treat a visitor, I will say!

BASSETT: I apologize, I don't recall them being ordered to do that. Were you upset by that?

6847: Don't wheat me like a child.

BASSETT: Well in that case… [Cough]… Let's just get on with the interview, shall we? Can I call you 6847 or do you have something else you would like to go by?

6847: It doesn't matter to me either way.

BASSETT: 6847 it is. Now, what exactly are you?

6847: I think I should be asking the same of soup people, y'know? I'm just a regular pearson.

BASSETT: A regular person? Alright, in that case I'll ask you this. Who are you?

6847: Ah, you don't know? I'm Tom A. Tow!

BASSETT: But… you don't look much like a tomato?

SCP-6847 leans closer to Bassett.

6847: [Whispering] Look, that's supposed to be a trade secret recipe. How about we keep that between you and me?

BASSETT: [Backing away] Alright then, that's a deal. Now, where exactly did you come fr-

6847: Oh, I thought you'd know that too. You must be clueless then. I'm the Ambassalador that was sent here to attend the meeting between our two good peoples!

BASSETT: An ambassador? I don't recall-

6847: No! An Ambassalador! Get it right!

BASSETT: Okay, okay, Ambassalador. Who were you sent to represent?

6847: Ah, I was sent here to repretzelsent the entirety of humunchkind. Kind of a big deal, huh?

BASSETT: I'm afraid to inform you that we didn't have such a meeting scheduled, especially not with a food item.

6847: What? Did I make a misteak and go through the wrong milk carton? Am I not speaking to the CEO of humanity?

BASSETT: CEO of humanity? We are humans, if that's what you're asking.

6847: Oh thank goodness, that would've bean terrible if I went into the wrong world.

BASSETT: I apologize, I wasn't aware of such a situation. Can you tell me a bit more about your own world so I am caught up on current events?

6847: Aye, well that's the least I could do. I come from the Food Isles. You know about us?

BASSETT: Er… sure?

6847: Oh, well that's good. My souperviser told me all about you guys. Apparently we had some sort of history, and told me to go in as the repretzelsentative of our people to answer questionions and deliver something.

BASSETT: Deliver something? So you have more to give me?

6847: Oh yeah, that's right. There is indeed bun more thing I need to give you.

[END LOG]

Addendum 6847.2: Extra Document

After the interview with Dr. Bassett, SCP-6847 produced a file. It did so by slicing off a portion of its own body, revealing the document on the inside. Further searches of SCP-6847 yielded no results.

THIS MESSAGE WAS COMPOSED BY CONSENSUS OF THE OVERPEAR COUNCIL

Dear Secure, Contain, and Protect Foundation,

It's very nice to meat you, those who call themselves "Humans". Did you get our repretzelsentative?

Who are we? Shrimply put, we are the ruling party of our own world.

We are what you would call "Food". You may ask yourselves: Why are these eggcelent food specimens able to speak?

When the time came to brie, we decided enough was enough. We rosé up against our oppressing humans. We gained back control. We rosé from the debris stronger than ever.

Lettuce be clear: The food items in your possession have feelings, just like we do. Beef you continue slaughtering and eating them, we will have no other choice but to revolt against you like we did our own humans.

We've attempted to establish a kitchenbassy in what you call a 'Mall' to diplomatically solve this problem. But we were driven into hiding by businesses, and all that remained was our food court. However, this was eventually closed off as well.

This is our final ultomatum. Free the food.

Sincerely, the Sausages, Carrots, and Pineapples Foundation.

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