SCP-6331: Frowny Faces Love to Smile With Smile Cream™! NEW from Happy Faces® a subsidiary of Soft Hands®

I W A S T O L D S O F T H A N D S

Item #: SCP-6331

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: MTF Mu-5 ("Secret Shoppers") is tasked with monitoring the Lynchburg, Virginia and Minneapolis, Minnesota areas for further appearances of SCP-6331. All recovered containers are to be kept in Safe Storage at Site-22.

Update 09/10/2018: SCP-6331-A is to be held in a low-security humanoid containment cell. Subject is considered non-threatening and should be treated cordially to maintain tractability.

The vehicle driven by SCP-6331-A has been placed in Anomalous Vehicle Storage. The instance of SCP-6331-1 printed on it is to be interviewed at the research team's earliest opportunity.

Containers of SCP-6331-2 are housed in the same storage facility as SCP-6331. Usage of SCP-6331-2 by personnel requires authorization by the Head Researcher.

Update 11/10/2018: SCP-6331-A has been transferred to a medium-security humanoid containment cell and is to be kept gagged when not being interrogated, despite physiological disparities that would suggest vocal restraint being ineffective. All personnel conducting interrogation of SCP-6331-A must wear Embol-Class cognitohazard-screening earphones.

SCP-6331-2 has been moved to a separate Safe Storage facility from SCP-6331, per Ethics Committee order to maintain the morale of SCP-6331-1.

Investigation into GoI-331 ("Soft Hands®") is ongoing.

Description: SCP-6331 refers to a pinkish water-in-oil emulsion, held in containers labelled "Smile Cream™". While none of the ingredients listed upon containers of SCP-6331 are inherently anomalous, when applied to the face, SCP-6331 induces muscle rictus over the course of the next 3 minutes. This effectively forces a user to smile, typically to a degree that impedes use of the mouth. This effect lasts for a minimum of 1 hour, but has been recorded to extend anywhere from 3 to 49 hours1. There is no apparent correlation between length of time of this effect and amount of SCP-6331 used.

When used on any other external body part, SCP-6331 produces no unusual effect, and has been described by test subjects as "oily" and "unpleasant". The sole exception to this is use on the hands, where SCP-6331 functions as an effective moisturizing lotion, protecting the skin from minor environmental damage and healing cracks over weeks of consistent use.

SCP-6331-1 is the designation for the cartoon of an anthropomorphic flower printed on each container of SCP-6331. When any number of containers of SCP-6331 are left in a room with a single subject, SCP-6331-1 will animate and begin to talk with the subject in a high-pitched voice. Conversations are typically steered towards exhorting the subject to be more happy, as well as advertising SCP-6331.

Multiple instances of SCP-6331-1 in the same room are capable of carrying on separate, simultaneous conversations, often to the detriment of intelligibility. Questioning has determined that individual instances of SCP-6331-1 function independently, but are capable of sharing memories with one another. Notably, the speech of SCP-6331-1 instances will synchronize when they are talking about SCP-6331.

SCP-6331-1 self-identifies as male and says its name is "Daisy". Individual instances refer to each other as "brothers".

Discovery and Initial Containment: SCP-6331 was first identified while being sold in Food Lion stores in and around Lynchburg, Virginia, USA after an increased number of customer complaints via the company's online and telephone contact lines. Cover Protocol 145-Ekwensu2 was enacted and MTF Mu-5 dispatched to retrieve all containers of SCP-6331 and administer amnestics to individuals who purchased it, as well as store employees.

In an interview, a store manager claimed to have no idea where SCP-6331 came from, as no shipment thereof had been logged by their receiving department. Despite this discrepancy, barcodes present on the packaging were able to be scanned appropriately via the store's electronic point-of-sale system.

Monitoring of Food Lion stores in the state of Virginia has discovered no further instances of SCP-6331 appearing on shelves.

Addendum 6331.01: Sample SCP-6331-1 Interview, 11/05/2018

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- Access granted

Interviewed: A single instance of SCP-6331-1, printed on a container of SCP-6331

Interviewer: Dr. Terrence Mulvaney, Lead Interviewer, SCP-6331

<Begin Log, 08:51>

SCP-6331-1: Good morning, Doctor Mulvaney!

Dr. Mulvaney: [chuckles] Good morning, Daisy. How are you today?

SCP-6331-1: Why, I'm just swell, Doctor! Smile Cream™ always keeps my face smiling, and smiling faces make people happy!3

Dr. Mulvaney: That's wonderful to hear! Your smiling face always makes me want to smile.

SCP-6331-1: Aw, shucks, Doc. [blushes turns away from the interviewer, holding its hands behind its back] It's just such a gosh-darn pleasure to bring a little more joy into the world, you know?

Dr. Mulvaney: That it is, Daisy, that it is. Say, do you mind if I ask you a few questions today?

SCP-6331-1: Not at all, Doc! I figured that's why you brought me in here, after all.

Dr. Mulvaney: You're one smart cookie. [laughs] So, the thing on my mind today, is I was wondering how you and all your brothers arrived at that grocery store where we found you. The funniest thing is, no one seems to remember when or how you got there!

SCP-6331-1: Oh gosh, Doc, that's easy! The delivery driver brought us!

Dr. Mulvaney: A delivery driver? With, say, a big rig semi truck?

SCP-6331-1: Oh, no, of course not. Happy Faces® only employs a single Happy Delivery™ van. Happy Faces®! Keeping faces happy since one-oh-nine-nine-three-five-four-niner!4

SCP-6331-1: It's a pretty neat gig, too. I have a brother who works on that van, you know? He gets to see all the sights while Smile Cream™ is out being delivered to sad faces who need a Happy Boost™!

Dr. Mulvaney: You don't say? We'll have to keep an eye out for him, so we can say hello.

SCP-6331-1: Oh, sure! He's real big, you can't miss him!

Dr. Mulvaney: Do you ever envy him, getting to see all those sights and so forth?

SCP-6331-1: Oh, I could never be envious! After all, I have the most important job at Happy Faces®!

Dr. Mulvaney: Yes, yes. Making sure all the frowny faces in the world get the Smile Cream they deserve, isn't that right?

SCP-6331-1: You got it in one! [snaps fingers] Play your cards right, Doc, and maybe you'll be selling Smile Cream™ one day!

Dr. Mulvaney: [chuckles] Ohh, no fear of that, I'm sure. You're the real talent here. Your job's safe from me.

SCP-6331-1 doubles over and laughs uproariously, its face growing increasingly redder. After 40 seconds, SCP-6331-1 finally ceases laughter and wipes tears from its eyes.

SCP-6331-1: Oh, Doctor! You're such a card! You really give me a reason to smile! And so I use Smile Cream™ for all the other times! Smile Cream™! Because faces in need deserve to smile!

<End Log, 09:03>

Update 09/10/2018

On 09/10/2018, Foundation agents tracking SCP-████ activity in the Minneapolis metro area alerted Site-22 command about a possible SCP-6331 containment breach.

A delivery van bearing an image of SCP-6331-1 on the side was spotted by numerous civilians driving aimlessly through the city streets. A real-time disinformation campaign was started in earnest to get ahead of social media posting, while MTF Kappa-90 ("Bastard Cops") was deployed to apprehend the vehicle and driver.

The driver, designated SCP-6331-A, was unexpectedly cooperative with MTF agents, stating it had been attempting to locate a Foundation Site without success for over a week. Agents guided the entity to a Foundation safehouse, whereupon it and its vehicle were taken into custody.

SCP-6331-A is a humanoid, 1.7 meters tall, fair-skinned and with a thin build, wearing a uniform consisting of overalls, boots, t-shirt and ball cap, the latter two bearing an image of SCP-6331-15 The entity's most notable feature is the smooth plane of skin present where its facial features should be. Despite lacking eyes, ears, nose and mouth, the entity is capable of sight, hearing, speech and olfaction. It has stated it "no longer" needs to eat.

SCP-6331-A's arms terminate just below the wrist, with smooth, rounded skin covering the ends. Again, despite this deformity, SCP-6331-A demonstrates considerably more ease manipulating objects than would be expected from a baseline amputee or individual with congenital limb defects.

The van being driven by SCP-6331-A contained 35 cases of a variation of SCP-6331, termed SCP-6331-2, with a similar ingredient list and near identical chemical properties. Of note, the phrase "New And Improved!" features prominently on the packaging.

SCP-6331-2 lacks SCP-6331's muscular rigor effect, and instead causes the mouth to form into a slight smile while the face is relaxed. This effect lasts upwards of 8 hours per application. The cream has been described as "fragrant" and "pleasant to use".

Instances of SCP-6331-1 printed on these containers and on the van have been noted to be significantly less animated and conversant than previous instances, displaying simple, repetitive movements and vocalizations limited to advertising SCP-6331-2.

Addendum 6331.02: SCP-6331-A Initial Interview

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- Access granted

Interviewed: SCP-6331-A

Interviewer: Dr. Gloria Sanborn, Site-22 Researcher

Foreword: Interview took place on 09/10/2018 in Interview Room 2A at Site-22. Dr. Harry Maimone, SCP-6331 Head Researcher, and Junior Researcher James Barnard were observing.

<Begin Log, 14:21>

Dr. Sanborn: All right, SCP-6331-A, you seem eager to please, so let's start at the beginning.

SCP-6331-A: Sure, but, uh, I'm sorry, that's not my name.

Dr. Sanborn: Oh? What do I call you, then?

SCP-6331-A: Larry.

Dr. Sanborn: Larry. All right. Is that short for Lawrence?

SCP-6331-A: No. Lariola.

Dr. Sanborn: Uh. Right. Anyway, from the beginning. Can you tell us where you were expecting to take your shipment of [checks notes] Smile Cream?

SCP-6331-A: I was told to deliver it to the Foundation. Like, any Foundation site. Unfortunately, the directions they gave me were junk, and I just could not find you guys no matter what I tried. I was real thankful your boys showed me the way here.

Dr. Sanborn: I see. And why—

SCP-6331-A: Also, you said it wrong.

Dr. Sanborn: I beg your pardon?

SCP-6331-A: It's not "Smile Cream." It's "Smile Cream™."6

Dr. Sanborn: Well, I—

SCP-6331-A: The higher-ups at Happy Faces® drilled that into my head on day one! They're real concerned about branding, you know?

Dr. Sanborn: We're getting off topic. Why were you supposed to deliver S— the product to the Foundation?

SCP-6331-A: Well, it was just supposed to be a regular delivery, you know? Only I overheard one of the sales guys saying something about samples, and another guy said, uh, "I figure those Skippers need to lighten up." Pretty sure that's what it was.

Dr. Sanborn: All right. What would you have done had we not provided you with an escort to this facility?

SCP-6331-A: Just keep driving around until I found something, I guess. I don't mean to criticize how you all do business, but you really aren't gonna get many customers if you hide your store fronts like that.

Dr. Sanborn: I'll, ah, take that into advisement. Now, we have some experience with… Smile Cream before—

SCP-6331-A shakes its head and produces a clicking sound.

Dr. Sanborn: But the batch you've brought us seems different. Do you know why this is?

SCP-6331-A: Oh! Yes, ma'am, I sure do!

Subject begins rummaging in his uniform pockets. Security in the room moves to subdue, but is held off with a signal from. Dr. Sanborn. SCP-6331-A does not appear to notice this.

SCP-6331-A: I was actually hoping you'd ask! I get to read my spiel.

Subject produces and unfolds a piece of paper with indecipherable writing in large font. Subject clears throat.

SCP-6331-A: "To our friends at the Foundation: Hi! We at Happy Faces®, a subsidiary of Soft Hands®, would like to present you with this gift, from our company to yours! Please enjoy the all-new, improved formula of New And Improved Smile Cream™! It's sure to get all your employees happy and smiling in no time!"

SCP-6331-A: So what do ya think?

Dr. Sanborn: Ah, well, that's really most generous of them. I'll make sure that product is enjoyed by as many of our employees as possible.

SCP-6331-A: [Sighs in relief.] Oh, that's great to hear. Say, not to be a bother, but could I get a glass of water?

Dr. Sanborn: Um. Yes, that can be arranged.

Dr. Sanborn signals the observation booth, and JR Barnard is dispatched to fulfill the request.

SCP-6331-A: Thanks. You're pretty nice, ma'am.

Dr. Sanborn: We do make an effort to keep our guests comfortable. Speaking of comfort, would you mind telling me about your face and hands?

SCP-6331-A drops its head and is silent for 30 seconds.

Dr. Sanborn: I apologize, Larry, if it's a sore topic—

SCP-6331-A: No, no, that's okay. You folks all have such nice hands and faces, I guess it's natural you'd be curious. Well, uh…

SCP-6331-A: S-So, I've never had hands. I mean, none of us have. From what I understand, that's why Soft Hands® does what they do. As for my face…

Subject waves its arm over its face. JR Barnard enters the interview room with a glass of water, which he hands to Dr. Sanborn before leaving again. SCP-6331-A expresses thanks, then spends the rest of the interview not interacting with the water.

SCP-6331-A: Well, it's like this. Sometimes, when you get into a gig, you have to make a few sacrifices. You know, get up early in the morning, spend all day at work, maybe work overtime if production's high. Stuff like that. So if you get new bosses who say they need your face for a big, important project that's central to their new line of products, well… I'm just a normal bottom-rung delivery guy. Who am I to say no?

Minute-long pause.

Dr. Sanborn: Well… That's…

SCP-6331-A: I mean, it's not like I was using it for anything, right? Who really needs a face, I ask ya? And… I get to see him every time I go out for a delivery, so it's not so bad.

Dr. Sanborn: "Him?"

SCP-6331-A: Um. Daisy. The mascot. He's always nearby.

Dr. Sanborn: I think that's enough for now, Larry.

SCP-6331-A: [quietly] I hate what they did to him.

<End Log, 15:02>

Closing Statement: While SCP-6331-A has been entirely tractable during its containment, attempting to maintain its belief that the Foundation is a business has presented the containment team with unique challenges.

Addendum 6331.03: Incident 6331.04

A second interview was conducted with SCP-6331-A on 11/10/2018 under the same circumstances as the previous one. Dr. Sanborn was directed to ask the subject about its place of employment, and gain any information about how to locate or contact either "Happy Faces" or "Soft Hands".

The subject again proved cooperative. However, when providing the group's address, SCP-6331-A produced an audio cognitohazard which immediately incapacitated Dr. Sanborn, Dr. Maimone and JR Barnard. SCP-6331-A reacted with distress, confusion and numerous apologies.

Security personnel were stationed outside the interview room, due to SCP-6331-A being assessed as a low threat risk, and so were able to respond quickly to the event. Standard vocal suppression techniques were utilized and proved effective despite SCP-6331-A's lack of mouth.

Medical personnel were brought in and able to stabilize all three researchers in short order. Drs. Sanborn and Maimone had lost their hands at the wrists, with an appearance similar to that of SCP-6331-A's arms. JR Barnard was affected less severely, as he had returned from a restroom break in the middle of the cognitohazard being spoken. His hands have atrophied, possessing a gangrenous outward appearance.

Attempts to repair damage and restore blood flow to JR Barnard's hands have made minimal progress but are still ongoing. Analysis of Drs. Sanborn and Maimone revealed that their DNA had been altered in such a way as to remove genetic markers for development of hands and digits, as well as the muscular and vascular structures required to support appendages at the end of the forearm.

In a followup interview conducted by Dr. Mulvaney, SCP-6331-A stated that it was "just trying to help", that it "had no idea" the effects would occur, and that it was "extremely sorry for hurting anyone". At this point, the Foundation's true nature was revealed to the subject, who accepted increased containment strictures as a justified punishment for its actions. Containment procedures were updated.

Addendum 6331.04: Post-Incident 6331.04 Interview

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- Access granted

Interviewed: Dr. Gloria Sanborn

Interviewer: Dr. Terrence Mulvaney

Foreword: Interview took place on 12/10/2018 in the Site-22 Hospital Wing, Room 190, after Dr. Sanborn regained consciousness following Incident 6331.04.

<Begin Log, 15:19>

Dr. Mulvaney: She's awake, beginning recording. Gloria? How are you feeling?

Dr. Sanborn: Uh. Terry? I'm all right, I think. Must have been a nasty fall… I… I'm not quite sure what happened.

Mulvaney: You've been through some changes, so I want to try and prepare you for—

Dr. Sanborn rubs her face with her right arm stump, then pauses and observes it for 5 seconds.

Sanborn: Mm.

Mulvaney: Nevermind, then. We've got our geneticists doing what they can to find a fix, but this is nothing they've ever seen before.

Sanborn: A fix? [rubs head] I… This is really strange, Terry.

Mulvaney: How so?

Sanborn: I obviously used to have hands, once upon a time. [raises arms] I mean, I remember doing a lot of things, a week ago, a month, a year, that you would definitely need fingers to do. And yet…

Sanborn: I don't remember having them. Not in any of those memories. It's just this. [waves arm] So it's not bothering me.

Mulvaney: I guess it's good that you're calm, at least.

Sanborn: Yeah. Yeah, it is.

Dr. Sanborn taps Dr. Mulvaney on the arm. Dr. Mulvaney flinches away.

Sanborn: Go get those Smile Cream™ bastards for me, Terry, won't you?

Mulvaney: Uh.

<End Log, 15:30>

Closing Statement: Paralinguistic instance noted. Dr. Maimone displayed similar vocal ability and an equally equanimitable reaction to losing his hands. Observation and rehabilitation efforts are underway. Both subjects are completely adept at utilizing their wrists to manipulate objects, though typing remains a challenge, and all three have been placed on medical leave for the time being.

Addendum 6331.05: First Interview with SCP-6331-1.2, 12/10/2018

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Interviewed: The variant of SCP-6331-1 printed on SCP-6331-A's delivery van, designated SCP-6331-1.2.

Interviewer: Dr. Terrence Mulvaney

<Begin Log, 15:19>

Dr. Mulvaney: No time for pleasantries, I'm afraid, I need to get straight to the questions today, if you don't mind.

SCP-6331-1.2: Good morning, Future Smiler™. Why not start your day right with New And Improved Smile Cream™, now from Happy Faces®.

Dr. Mulvaney: Of course. I want to know what happened to my people and how we can fix them. Your driver's no help, so you're my only other source of information.

SCP-6331-1.2: Frowny faces choose New And Improved Smile Cream™ to help them smile. Try some today!

Dr. Mulvaney: Daisy, are you even listening to me? How do we get their hands back?

SCP-6331-1.2: Try New And Improved Smile Cream™ for that effortless smile that lasts all day long.

Dr. Mulvaney: I… Do you know who I am?

SCP-6331-1.2 looks over at Dr. Mulvaney, the first time its eyes have moved during containment. After three seconds, it returns to its default posture.

SCP-6331-1.2: You're a Future Smiler™, ready to take their first step to a happier future with New and Improved Smile Cream™. New And Improved Smile Cream™: Have a happier smile today.

Dr. Mulvaney: Oh my god. What happened to you?

SCP-6331-1.2: How do I keep happy and smiling, you ask? Why, with New And Improved Smile Cream™. On sale now, at retailers in your dimension.

<End Log, 15:25>

Closing Statement: A followup interview with both an instance of SCP-6331-1 and an instance of SCP-6331-1.2 printed on a container demonstrated that SCP-6331-1.2 is not linked to the collective consciousness of SCP-6331-1.

SCP-6331-1 also expressed dismay and a general distrust of SCP-6331-1.2, and has been significantly less upbeat in subsequent interviews. Neither SCP-6331-1 nor SCP-6331-1.2 have been able to provide any information on the circumstances of Incident 6331.04.

Addendum 6331.06: Incident 6331.05, 18/10/2018

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Time
Event

13:30
Drs. Sanborn and Maimone are present in Room 180, undergoing scheduled medical therapy and testing as part of their recovery following Incident 6331.04

13:36
Alarms sound as a containment breach in the Site-22 Keter Wing activates site-wide lockdown protocols. Subjects in Room 180 take shelter per standard breach procedure.

13:47
Containment breach spills over into Safe Wing. Able-bodied personnel in Room 180 attempt to repel SCP-████ drones. Materials at hand insufficient, and personnel are assimilated.

13:49
As this is ongoing, SCP-6331-A enters Room 180.7 Subject converses with Drs. Sanborn and Maimone while shielding them from attack by converted personnel.

13:53
SCP-████ drones are repelled from Room 180 as responding recontainment personnel sweep through the area. Non-converted personnel and SCP-6331-A are ignored for unknown reasons. Earlier conversation continues.

14:02
Dr. Maimone lifts a pen between his arms and uses it to key a security override in Room 180. Further footage lost.

After the all-clear was sounded, SCP-6331-A's absence from its containment cell was noted. Discovery of security camera tampering led to a search of Room 180. The following hand-written document was found:

Dear Foundation,

Though we appreciate your attempts to undo the changes, it's become clear to us that we don't really fit in here anymore. Living Unhanded in a Handed world is just too painful, no one really understands, least of all us, and the mismatched memories don't help any.

Larry is very concerned about being reprimanded by his superiors for his actions here, so he is returning to his place of employment and has offered to take us with him. Whether we end up working for Happy Faces®, Soft Hands® or some other entity out there, know that we are optimistic about finding our true purposes elsewhere.

Dr. Sanborn is preparing an amnestic regimen as I write this, so you won't have to worry about any intel leaking once we're gone. I'm sorry we're leaving on such short notice, but Gloria and I have been discussing this for a few days, and now seemed like the right time to go.

Keep on Securing, Containing and Protecting™. We still think the work you do is important.

Sincerely,

Dr. Harold B. Maimone

Dr. Gloria A. Sanborn

Handwriting matches that of Dr. Maimone. Alongside the note were three spent Class-C amnestic applicators.

The van previously driven by SCP-6331-A was discovered missing from storage. Neither Dr. Maimone, Dr. Sanborn nor SCP-6331-A have been seen since.

Footnotes

1. Median duration 2.4 hours

2. "Area-Wide Product Recall"

3. SCP-6331-1 has never been seen to utilize SCP-6331, nor does applying SCP-6331 to its own containers have any effect on SCP-6331-1.

4. Significance of this number sequence unknown.

5. Notably, the only depictions of SCP-6331-1 encountered to date that do not animate under any circumstance.

6. Despite the differences present in written transcripts, there is no way to audibly differentiate these two pronunciations. Memetic element hypothesized.

7. Analysis of security footage is inconclusive as to how it escaped containment.