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SCP-055-KO-J - Is this a Report or an Improv Skit?

Author: Bangja

Translator: fluxman

Original Article: #

★

…

Anna Lang: Robert, no!

(Sound of Debris falling)

Robert Scranton: Oh… Alas- (Painful moans)

Anna Lang: Oh, God. No, please. Open your eyes.

Robert Scranton: Anna…

Anna Lang: Yes. I'm here. So, please…

(Building shakes)

D-0303: Doc! It's too dangerous!

Robert Scranton: Go… Now…

Anna Lang: But… But how can I leave you here…

(Site alarm sounds)

Robert Scranton: I'm fine. (Breathing) I really am…

…

…

…

Director Seol: Cut!

Video Director: Cut!

Special Effects Team: <End of Log>!

(The lights turn off. The actors come down from the props.)

Director Seol: Good, good, good. Really good work today. Jisoo! I loved your acting! (Laughter)

Jeong Jisoo (as Anna): Oh, no, it's all thanks to you.

(Sound of cleaning debris prop)

Choi Woosik (as Robert): Hut-cha. Good work, everyone!

Director Seol: Come here, Mr Choi. The food truck's here!

Choi Woosik (as Robert): Yes, director! You did a lot of work in this cold weather.

Director Seol: Oh, you do all the hard work. Let's go.

Kim Yanghyeok (as D-0303): Man, that smells delicious! What's for dinner today?

Oh Keunhyeok (Jeong Jisoo's manager): Steamed chicken and stir-fried fish cakes. (Squinting) Oh, man.

Jeong Jisoo (as Anna): What is it? Is the stir fry spicy?

Oh Keunhyeok (Kim Sua's Manager): Nope, spicy fish stew.

Kim Yanghyeok (as D-0303): Sweet!

Director Seol: Woah, ey, ey, ey, ey, Addendum Kim! What have you got here? (Laughter)

(The lighting director approaches, holding two cups of coffee.)

Lighting Director: (Chuckles) Iced Americano, just how you like it.

(Director Seol takes the coffee.)

Director Seol: But I didn't see any cafe nearby.

Lighting Director: There was a convenience store nearby. Is it good?

Director Seol: It is. Don't overwork yourself. Also…

(Phone vibration and ringing)

Director Seol: It's not mine. Is it yours?

(The lighting director pats himself down.)

Lighting Director: No, not me either.

Video Director: Oh, it's mine. Sorry.

(The Video Director receives the call.)

Video Director: Hello?

(Silence)

Video Director: Yeah.

…

Video Director: Right now?

…

Video Director: But we're busy… Can't the other teams do it?

…

Video Director: I mean, why… Alright, OK.

Director Seol: Something wrong?

Video Director: They want to film it right now.

Director Seol: Bah. They must be crazy.

Video Director: They said the deadline is today.

(Seol spits out his coffee.)

Director Seol: The hell?

Video Director: There was a contest -

Director Seol: I know. So. (Shaking off clothes.) When's the criticism team coming?

Video Director: That-

(Collapsible opening sound)

Director Seol: Oh, crap. Give me a break.

Bangja: (On call) Of course, I'll give the crits right now.

Director Seol: (Shouting) Lights! Call the team!

Lighting Director: Yes, sir!

Video Director: Recording.

Kim Kyeoncheol (as narrator for Special Containment Procedure): OK. Ah, ah, mike test.

Special Containment Procedures: Object is kept within a five (5) by five (5) by two point five (2.5) meter square room constructed of cement (fifty (50) centimeter thickness)…

Director Seol: OK, done with the Special Containment Procedures. Where's the rest of the script?

Video Director: It's not here yet.

Director Seol: What about the description?

Video Director: Nope.

Director Seol: (Shouting) Fucking hell! Is it the server again? What are we supposed to do with nothing?

(The Lighting Director and cast arrive running.)

Actor Kim Yanghyeok: Director, we're here.

Director Seol: (Sigh) Hell… Editor, what's the time right now?

Editing Director: It's five past five.

Director Seol: Yanghyeok, Woosik. You're on now.

Actor Choi Woosik: Director, who exactly are we playing?

(Seol sits down, goes through the box of nametags, and grabs one out.)

Choi Woosik (as Hughes): Bartholomew Hughes?

Director Seol: You - You are Censored Out.

Kim Yanghyeok (as ███████): Aight, got it.

(Seol stands up to speak.)

Director Seol: Listen carefully. Our fate is in your hands. Whatever the circumstance is… Let's do this somehow.

(Actors Choi and Kims walk up the stage, dumbstruck. The lights turn on.)

Director Seol: If we don't pull this off, we're screwed.

…

Special Containment Procedures: …It is further advised that all personnel maintaining or studying other SCP objects in the vicinity try to maintain a distance of at least fifty (50) meters from the geometric center of the room, as long as this is reasonably practical.

Video Director: Procedures cut!

(The Video Director signals to Director Seol.)

Director Seol: (Clears throat) Hmph.

Description: …SCP-055 is… yes, a "self-keeping secret".

(The Video Director is stunned.)

Video Director: Dear lord.

(Director Seol takes a deep breath)

Description: Information about SCP-055's physical appearance as well as its nature, behavior, and origins is self-classifying. Object is an non-memorisable information. All of these facts are periodically rediscovered -

- usually by chance readers of this file, causing a great deal of alarm. This state of concern lasts minutes at most, before the matter is simply forgotten about.

…

Video Director: Description cut!

(Director Seol walks down the pedestal.)

Director Seol: Shit. This is the most nervous I've ever been since speech class in primary school. Addendum! Where are you?

Lighting Director: Coming!

Video Director: That was amazing. How could you do that on the spot as well?

Director Seol: I said whatever came to my mind. This is driving me crazy.

Bangja: That's a genius idea. First of all, there are some typos here…

Video Director: We have some time. Woosik, how's it going?

Choi Woosik (as Hughes): OK, we practised it together somehow. Is there no script yet?

Director Seol: Pull it off somehow. The server's still down.

Video Director: Addendum cut! Recording!

Choi Woosik (as Hughes): (Clears throat) Hmm.

Director Seol: Lord have mercy.

Dr. Hughes: OK, I'm going to need to ask you some questions about number 55 now.

███████: Number what?

Dr. Hughes: SCP object 55. The object you just examined.

Kim Yanghyeok (as ███████): (Whispering) Fuck, wait, isn't this number 66?

Director Seol: Oh.

███████: Um, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't think we have a 55.

Dr. Hughes: OK, then, ███████, I'd like you to tell me what you've been doing for the past two hours.

███████: What? I… <subject appears uncomfortable> …

Choi Woosik (as Hughes): (Whispering) Yanghyeok, say something…

███████: … I don't know.

Choi Woosik (as Hughes): (Under his breath) Crap.

Dr. Hughes: OK, then, do you remember that we all agreed that it wasn't spherical?

███████: That what wasn't… (Realising his intent) Oh! Right! It isn't round at all! Object 55 isn't round!

Dr Hughes: So you remember it now?

███████: Well, no. I mean, I don't know what it is, but I know there is one. It's something you can't remember. And it's not a sphere.

Director Seol: (Shouting) Make some goddamn sense!

Dr Hughes: (Missing what Kim said over Seol's shouting.) Wait a minute. What's not a sphere?

███████: Object 55.

Dr Hughes: Object what?

███████: Doc, do you remember agreeing that something wasn't shaped like a sphere?

Dr Hughes: (Poor acting) Oh, right!

Video Director: Cut!

Special Effects Team:<End of Log>!

(The lights turn off.)

Director Seol: You son of a-

Lighting Director: (Stopping Seol) W- Wait! The results aren't out yet!

Bangja: My final note is… It's not bad, but it seems too novel. I don't know how the readers will react.

That's all.

(Collapsible closing sound)

Director Seol: (Collapsing) We're doomed.

Lighting Director: …At least we did our best.

(The actors walk off stage, removing their nametags.)

Director Seol: (Powerlessly) So this is how I die.

(An alarm goes off.)

Video Director: Huh? What is this?

(The Video Director pulls out his phone.)

Video Director: Sir? This just got uploaded.

Director Seol: Of course. Regular execution as usual.

Video Director: No, you got to look. The rating…

Director Seol: What do you mean-

rating

Director Seol: Ah?

One month later

The phone starts ringing.

(The Lighting Director is on call.)

Lighting Director: Yeah.

…

Lighting Director: Five days?

…

Lighting Director: It's good, as long as we have the script. We can do it.

…

Lighting Director: Of course! Thank you.

(The Lighting Director hangs up.)

Director Seol: What is it? What's up?

Lighting Director: Sir! We have a project!

Director Seol: Five days are more than enough. Very good! What's the object number?

Lighting Director: They said it's SCP-1730…