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SCP-027-J?

Item #: SCP-027-J

Object Class: Safe Euclid Safe Euclid Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-027-J is to be contained on the couch in the proper holder that I spent like thirty goddamned dollars on, designated SCP-027-J-1. (SCP-027-J-1 is a cheap piece of plastic you paid too much money on, and shall be designated SCP-027-J-$). at the Benson household,even though it's probably on fucking Jupiter half the time. until further notice.

When SCP-027-J switches phase, Researcher Benson is to be consulted as to where the hell she left it Researcher Benson is to calm the hell down, it's just a remote. SCP-027-J is to be placed in the proper receptacle. (I swear to god, Phil, don't say a goddamned word).

Description: SCP-027-J is a Roku Cable Box Roku Cable Box Television Remote Control, which appears to have two quantum states:

An R-2787 Roku Remote control (Designated SCP-027-J-A) for a [REDACTED] model television which was so goddamned expensive which was on sale, and you agreed on, manufactured in 2015.

A FIOS-27 Cable Box remote (Designated SCP-027-J-B) which is goddamned useless, because we have netflix, hulu, and amazon prime which is necessary because ADULTS HAVE CABLE.

At no time can SCP-027-J exist in both states, because Researcher Benson can't keep track of the goddamned remotes when she's watching her "programs" due to its anomalous effect of making Researcher Benson a dickhead due to its anomalous effect.

SCP-027-J was first discovered when after installing the new Roku TV in the living room, when Researcher Benson immediately lost the Roku remote the Roku remote went missing. After two weeks, the Roku remote was discovered, and the cable box remote promptly dissapeared Researcher Benson lost my remote, to stop me from watching dance moms SCP-027-J changed quantum states, leading to the discovery of the nature of SCP-027-J.

Addendum A On [REDACTED] For god's sake Jillian, stop redacting my notes no, it was discovered that both the cable box and the Roku have smartphone apps, which can control both devices. Researcher Benson kindly installed these apps, and set them up on both his, and Researcher Benson's smartphones Both applications were installed, and SCP-027-J's effect now appears to extend to Researcher Benson's phone now too, since that's either dead or missing all the time For fuck's sake Phil, it's not that big of a deal, when I'm home. Just stop losing the goddamned remotes! Research in to the spread of SCP-027-J's effect and Jillian's inability to keep track of a THOUSAND DOLLAR PHONE It was 450, you giant crybaby. is ongoing.

Dr. Lornth's Note:

Jesus christ, would you two PLEASE get some counselling?