ThatGuyThatTime

Jesus. We’re sorry, folks.

One of those times I wish I was good at photo editing.

More by ThatGuy

/*

Foxtrot Sigma-9 Theme
[2022 Wikidot Theme]
By Liryn

*/

/* FONTS */

@import url('https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Montserrat:ital,wght@0,800;1,800&display=swap');

@import url('https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Lexend:wght@700;800&display=swap');

@import url('https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=JetBrains+Mono:ital,wght@0,400;0,700;1,400;1,700&display=swap');

@import url('https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Fira+Code:wght@400;700&display=swap');

@import url('https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Sofia+Sans:ital,wght@0,400;0,700;1,400;1,700&display=swap');

@import url('https://rsms.me/inter/inter.css');

@import url('https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Figtree:wght@800;900&display=swap');

@import url('https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=IBM+Plex+Sans:ital,wght@0,400;0,500;0,600;0,700;1,400;1,500;1,600;1,700&display=swap');

/* VARIABLES */

:root {

/* VARIABLES > Core */

--header-title: "SCP Foundation";
--header-subtitle: "SECURE, CONTAIN, PROTECT";
--logo-img: url(https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/local--files/theme:foxtrot/fxtrt-scp_logo_lightmode.svg);
--darkmode-logo-img: url(https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/local--files/theme:foxtrot/fxtrt-scp_logo_darkmode.svg);
--logo-opacity: 14%;

--head-font: 'Sans Normalcy';
--ui-font: 'IBM Plex Sans';
--mono-font: 'JetBrains Mono', 'Fira Code', monospace;
--page-font: 'Inter', 'verdana';
--base-font-size: 0.9rem;
--page-font-size: 1rem;

/* VARIABLES > Misc */

--header-txt-color: #333333;
--subheader-txt-color: rgb(var(--accent));
--misc-txt-color: #464646;
--link-txt-color: #E6283C;
--link-hover-txt-color: white;

/* VARIABLES > Color Accents */

--accent: var(--acc-default);

--acc-default: 59, 59, 59;
--acc-wyoming: 142, 0, 18;
--acc-canada: var(--acc-default);
--acc-poland: 87, 44, 17;
--acc-slothspit: 27, 60, 133;
--acc-vanguard: 0, 153, 75;
--acc-threshold: 121, 113, 130;
--acc-overwatch: 28, 37, 56;
--acc-spc: 0, 165, 200;
--acc-fishing: 67, 111, 145;
--acc-nightfall: 151, 0, 2;
--acc-hybrasil: 27, 60, 133;
--acc-goc: 39, 84, 149;
--acc-spooky: 252, 112, 40;

/* VARIABLES > BetterFootnotes */

--fnColor: var(--link-txt-color);
--fnLinger: 1s;

}

/* VARIABLES > Info Bar */

.info-container {
--barColour: rgb(var(--accent));
--linkColour: #EDEDED;
}

/* MAIN */

html {
scroll-behavior: smooth;
overflow-x: hidden;
}

body {
font-family: var(--ui-font), sans-serif;
font-size: var(--base-font-size);
color: rgb(51, 51, 51);
background-image: linear-gradient(to bottom, #e0e0e0, #fff 200px);
text-rendering: optimizeLegibility;
overflow-wrap: break-word;
}

div#container-wrap {
background: none;
}

#content-wrap {
margin: 2em auto 0;
}

#page-content {
font-family: var(--page-font), var(--ui-font), sans-serif;
font-size: var(--page-font-size);
font-weight: 440;
}

#page-content strong {
font-weight: 700;
}

tt,
.page-source,
pre,
#edit-page-textarea {
font-family: var(--mono-font);
}

ol li {
margin: 0 0 1em;
}

ul {
margin: 1em 0;
}

li,
p {
line-height: 1.5;
text-underline-offset: 40%;
}

::selection {
background: rgb(var(--accent));
color: #fff;
}

/* Clicky links */
a,
a.newpage,
a:visited,
#side-bar a:visited {
color: var(--link-txt-color);
}

a:hover,
a.newpage:hover,
a:visited:hover,
#side-bar a:visited:hover {
color: var(--link-hover-txt-color);
text-decoration: none;
background-color: var(--link-txt-color);
}

a {
transition-duration: 0.1s;
}

/* patch for sidebar media, collapsibles, ACS, info button and ayers module so link doesn't override */
#page-content .collapsible-block-folded a:hover,
#page-content .collapsible-block-unfolded-link a:hover,
#page-content .rate-box-with-credit-button .fa-info:hover,
#side-bar .side-block.media a:hover,
.danger-diamond a:hover {
background: transparent;
}

.info-container .collapsible-block-folded .collapsible-block-link,
.info-container .collapsible-block-link {
background: var(--linkColour) !important;
}

/* MAIN > Header */

div#header {
background: none;
height: 160px;
}

#header h1 span,
#header h2 span {
font-size: 0;
display: none;
}

#header h1 a::before,
#header h2::before {
color: var(--header-txt-color);
letter-spacing: 1px;
font-family: var(--head-font), sans-serif !important;
font-weight: 900;
text-shadow: none;
}

#header h1 {
margin-top: -0.3rem;
}

#header h1 a {
width: fit-content;
margin: auto;
}

#header h1 a::before {
content: var(--header-title);
font-size: 1.3em;
}

#header h2::before {
content: var(--header-subtitle);
font-family: var(--ui-font) !important;
font-weight: 700;
font-size: 1.4em;
color: var(--misc-txt-color);
line-height: 26px;
margin-top: 0.35rem;
display: block;
text-transform: uppercase;
}

#header h1,
#header h2 {
margin-left: 0;
float: none;
text-align: center;
}

#header h1 span,
#header h2 span {
font-size: 0;
display: none;
}

div#extra-div-1 {
height: 160px;
width: 100%;
top: 7px;
position: absolute;
background: var(--logo-img) 10px 30px no-repeat;
background-size: 130px;
background-repeat: no-repeat;
background-position: 50% 50%;
z-index: -1;
opacity: var(--logo-opacity);
}

/* MAIN > Header > Search Box */

#search-top-box-form>input[type=text] {
display: none;
}

#search-top-box-input,
#search-top-box-input:hover,
#search-top-box-input:focus,
#search-top-box-form input[type=submit],
#search-top-box-form input[type=submit]:hover,
#search-top-box-form input[type=submit]:focus {
border: none;
background: rgb(var(--accent));
box-shadow: none;
border-radius: 5px !important;
color: #efefef;
font-family: var(--ui-font);
font-size: calc(var(--page-font-size) - 10%);
}

#search-top-box input.empty {
color: #999999;
}

#search-top-box {
position: absolute;
top: 47px;
width: unset;
}

/* MAIN > Header > Top Bar */

#top-bar,
#top-bar a {
top: 10rem;
}

#header #top-bar ul {
border-radius: 10px;
border: none;
background: rgb(var(--accent));
padding-left: 15px;
padding-right: 15px;
}

#header #top-bar a {
color: white;
background: rgb(var(--accent));
font-weight: bold;
}

#header #top-bar ul li ul {
padding: 0px;
border-radius: 0px;
}

#top-bar ul li.sfhover a,
#top-bar ul li:hover a {
border-left: solid 1px #FFF;
border-right: solid 1px #FFF;
}

#top-bar ul li ul li a:hover {
color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.83) !important;
line-height: 230%;
text-indent: 3px;
}

#top-bar {
display: flex;
justify-content: center;
right: 0;
}

.mobile-top-bar {
left: unset;
}

/* MAIN > Header > Login Info */

#login-status {
top: 19px;
}

#login-status,
#login-status a {
color: #333333;
}

@media (max-width: 767px) {
#header .printuser {
font-size: 0;
}
}

.printuser a {
margin: 0;
}

.printuser img.small {
width: 18px;
height: 18px;
padding: 1px 4px 0 0;

background-image: none !important;
}

@media (max-width: 767px) {
#header .printuser img.small {
transform: translate(0, 4px);
}
}

#my-account {
display: none;
}

@media (max-width: 767px) {
#account-topbutton {
margin: 0 0 0 5px;
}
}

/* MAIN > Header > Side Bar */

#top-bar .open-menu a {
border-radius: 0px;
border: none;
background: rgb(var(--accent));
color: white;
}

#side-bar {
background: #FFF;
}

@media (min-width: 768px) {

#side-bar {
padding: 0.3em 0.6em 0 0.6em;
width: 18.75em;
transition: left 0.2s ease-in-out;
direction: rtl;
text-align: left;
border-right: none;
}

}

#side-bar .side-block,
#side-bar .side-block.resources,
#side-bar .side-block.media,
#interwiki .side-block {
border: 2px solid rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2);
border-radius: 0px;
box-shadow: none;
margin-bottom: 6px;
direction: ltr;
background: transparent;
}

#side-bar .side-block.resources {
text-align: center;
}

#side-bar .heading {
color: var(--misc-txt-color);
border-bottom: solid 2px #cfcfcf;
font-size: 9pt;
font-family: var(--head-font);
font-weight: 800;
text-transform: uppercase;
}

/* CONTENT */

/* CONTENT > Blockquotes, Custom Divs */

.blockquote,
div.blockquote,
blockquote {
border: solid 2px rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.15);
background: #f7f7f7;
}

.jotting {
padding: 1.3em;
margin: 1em 4.5em;
border: dashed 2px rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2);
background: #f7f7f7;
}

.notation {
padding: 1em 1.5em;
margin: 1em 3em;
border-left: solid 3px rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.35);
border-right: solid 3px rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.35);
background: #f7f7f7;
}

.modal {
padding: 1.2em;
margin: 1em 3em;
border: solid 5px rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.15);
background: #fbfbfb;
}

.quote {
padding: 0.4em 2em;
margin: 3em auto;
border-left: solid 3px #bbb;
max-width: 500px !important;
}

.paper {
padding: 1.5em;
margin: 2em;
background: #FFF;
box-shadow: 0px 4px 9px rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2);
}

.box {
padding: 1px 9px;
border: solid 3px #bbb;
margin: 0.5em 1em;
}

div.note {
font-size: unset;
border: 2px solid #afafaf;
background-color: #fff;
}

.round {
border-radius: 10px;
}

/* CONTENT > Headings, Titles */

#page-title,
.meta-title {
font-family: var(--ui-font), sans-serif;
font-weight: 800;
color: #3b3b3b;
border-bottom: solid 2px rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2);
width: fit-content;
margin: 0 auto 1.5rem;
}

#page-title,
.meta-title,
#breadcrumbs,
.pseudocrumbs {
text-align: center;
}

h1,
h2,
h3,
h4,
h5,
h6 {
font-family: var(--head-font), sans-serif;
font-weight: 800;
color: #3b3b3b;
}

h1,
h2 {
font-weight: 800;
}

.footnotes-footer .title {
font-family: var(--head-font), sans-serif;
color: #3b3b3b;
font-weight: 800;
}

/* CONTENT > Rate Module */

#page-content .creditRate {
margin: unset;
font-family: var(--ui-font);
float: unset !important;
}

#page-content .rate-box-with-credit-button {
background-color: #fff;
border: solid 1px #bbb;
box-shadow: none;
border-radius: 0;
}

#page-content .rate-box-with-credit-button .fa-info {
border: none;
color: #333;
}

#page-content .rate-box-with-credit-button .fa-info:hover {
background: #333;
color: #fff;
}

.rate-box-with-credit-button .cancel {
border: solid 1px #fff;
}

.page-rate-widget-box {
box-shadow: none;
border: solid 1px #bbb;
margin: unset;
margin-bottom: 4px;
border-radius: 0;
font-family: var(--ui-font);
}

.page-rate-widget-box .rate-points {
background-color: #fff !important;
color: #333 !important;
border: none !important;
border-radius: 0;
}

.page-rate-widget-box .rateup,
.page-rate-widget-box .ratedown {
background-color: #fff;
border-top: none;
border-bottom: none;
}

.page-rate-widget-box .rateup a,
.page-rate-widget-box .ratedown a {
background: transparent;
color: #333;
}

.page-rate-widget-box .rateup a:hover,
.page-rate-widget-box .ratedown a:hover {
background: #333;
color: #fff;
}

.page-rate-widget-box .cancel {
background: #fff;
border: none;
border-radius: 0;
display: inline-block;
}

.page-rate-widget-box .cancel a {
color: #333;
}

.page-rate-widget-box .cancel a:hover {
background: #333;
color: #fff;
border-radius: 0;
}

#page-content .rate-box-with-credit-button .page-rate-widget-box {
border: none;
}

/* CONTENT > Rate Module > Author Label */

.authorlink-wrapper {
--author-top-adjust: 0;
--author-bottom-adjust: 0;
--author-right-adjust: 0;
font-family: var(--ui-font);
font-size: var(--base-font-size);
}

/* CONTENT > Side Box */

.anchor {
position: sticky;
height: 0;
top: 0;
}

.sidebox {
padding: .14rem;
margin-top: 0;
margin-bottom: 8px;
width: calc((100vw - 870px)/2);
max-height: calc(100vh - 18rem);
position: absolute;
top: 0;
left: 103.5%;
z-index: 5;
overflow: auto;
box-sizing: border-box;
}

@media (max-width: 1290px) {
.sidebox {
display: none;
visibility: hidden;
}
}

/* CONTENT > Image Block */

.scp-image-block .scp-image-caption {
background-color: #f4f4f4;
color: #3b3b3b;
border: solid 2px rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.1);
margin-top: 10px;
box-sizing: border-box;
border-radius: 5px;
}

.scp-image-block {
border: none;
box-shadow: none;
}

.scp-image-block img {
border: solid 2px rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.1);
box-sizing: border-box;
}

.imagediv {
float: right;
margin: 15px
}

@media (max-width: 540px) {
.imagediv {
float: unset;
text-align: center;
margin: 1.3rem auto 1.3rem auto;
}
}

@media only screen and (max-width: 600px) {
.scp-image-block.block-right {
float: none;
margin: 10px auto;
}
}

/* CONTENT > Tables Base */

#page-content tr th {
padding: 6px;
border: 2px solid rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2);
}

#page-content tr td {
padding: 12px;
border: 2px solid #bfbfbf;
line-height: 1.4;
}

#page-content .sidebox tr td,
#page-content .sidebox tr th {
padding: 0.35em;
}

/* CONTENT > Tables Customization (Table Coloring System) */

/* CONTENT > Tables Customization (Table Coloring System) > Table Headings, Image Captions */

#page-content .table1 tr th,
#page-content .table1 .scp-image-block .scp-image-caption {
background-color: #E0FFD4;
}

#page-content .table2 tr th,
#page-content .table2 .scp-image-block .scp-image-caption {
background-color: #D8ECF4;
}

#page-content .table3 tr th,
#page-content .table3 .scp-image-block .scp-image-caption {
background-color: #FDF6D7;
}

#page-content .table4 tr th,
#page-content .table4 .scp-image-block .scp-image-caption {
background-color: #FFDFCD;
}

#page-content .table5 tr th,
#page-content .table5 .scp-image-block .scp-image-caption {
background-color: #FFCFCF;
}

#page-content .table6 tr th,
#page-content .table6 .scp-image-block .scp-image-caption {
background-color: rgba(146, 0, 255, 0.2);
}

.tableb .wiki-content-table {
border-collapse: separate;
border-spacing: 2px;
}

/* CONTENT > Tables Customization (Table Coloring System) > Other Colored Divs */

.table1 .blockquote,
.table1 div.blockquote,
.table1 blockquote,
.table1 .jotting,
.table1 .notation,
.table1 .modal,
.table1 .paper,
.blockquote.table1,
div.blockquote.table1,
.jotting.table1,
.notation.table1,
.modal.table1,
.paper.table1 {
background: rgb(224, 255, 212);
}

.table2 .blockquote,
.table2 div.blockquote,
.table2 blockquote,
.table2 .jotting,
.table2 .notation,
.table2 .modal,
.table2 .paper,
.blockquote.table2,
div.blockquote.table2,
.jotting.table2,
.notation.table2,
.modal.table2,
.paper.table2 {
background: rgb(226, 244, 255);
}

.table3 .blockquote,
.table3 div.blockquote,
.table3 blockquote,
.table3 .jotting,
.table3 .notation,
.table3 .modal,
.table3 .paper,
.blockquote.table3,
div.blockquote.table3,
.jotting.table3,
.notation.table3,
.modal.table3,
.paper.table3 {
background: rgb(255, 245, 189);
}

.table4 .blockquote,
.table4 div.blockquote,
.table4 blockquote,
.table4 .jotting,
.table4 .notation,
.table4 .modal,
.table4 .paper,
.blockquote.table4,
div.blockquote.table4,
.jotting.table4,
.notation.table4,
.modal.table4,
.paper.table4 {
background: rgb(255, 223, 205);
}

.table5 .blockquote,
.table5 div.blockquote,
.table5 blockquote,
.table5 .jotting,
.table5 .notation,
.table5 .modal,
.table5 .paper,
.blockquote.table5,
div.blockquote.table5,
.jotting.table5,
.notation.table5,
.modal.table5,
.paper.table5 {
background: rgb(255, 207, 207);
}

.table6 .blockquote,
.table6 div.blockquote,
.table6 blockquote,
.table6 .jotting,
.table6 .notation,
.table6 .modal,
.table6 .paper,
.blockquote.table6,
div.blockquote.table6,
.jotting.table6,
.notation.table6,
.modal.table6,
.paper.table6 {
background: rgb(255, 218, 255);
}

/* CONTENT > Tabs Base */

.yui-navset .yui-nav a,
.yui-navset .yui-navset-top .yui-nav a {
background-color: inherit;
background-image: inherit
}

.yui-navset .yui-nav a:hover,
.yui-navset .yui-nav a:focus {
background: inherit;
text-decoration: inherit
}

.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a,
.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a:focus,
.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a:hover {
color: inherit;
background: inherit
}

.yui-navset .yui-nav,
.yui-navset .yui-navset-top .yui-nav {
border-color: inherit
}

.yui-navset li {
line-height: inherit
}

/* CONTENT > Tabs Customization */

.yui-navset .yui-nav,
.yui-navset .yui-navset-top .yui-nav {
display: flex;
flex-wrap: wrap;
width: calc(100% - .125rem);
margin: 0 auto;
border-color: #333333;
box-shadow: none;
}

.yui-navset .yui-nav a,
/* ---- Link Modifier ---- */
.yui-navset .yui-navset-top .yui-nav a {
color: #333333;
/* ---- Tab Background Colour | [UNSELECTED] ---- */
background-color: #efefef;
border: unset;
box-shadow: none;
box-shadow: none;
}

.yui-navset .yui-nav a:hover,
.yui-navset .yui-nav a:focus {
color: #ffffff;
/* ---- Tab Background Colour | [HOVER] ---- */
background-color: #333333;
}

.yui-navset .yui-nav li,
/* ---- Listitem Modifier ---- */
.yui-navset .yui-navset-top .yui-nav li {
position: relative;
display: flex;
flex-grow: 2;
max-width: 100%;
margin: 0;
padding: 0;
color: #ffffff;
background-color: #ffffff;
border-color: transparent;
box-shadow: none;
}

.yui-navset .yui-nav li a,
.yui-navset-top .yui-nav li a,
.yui-navset-bottom .yui-nav li a {
display: flex;
align-items: center;
justify-content: center;
width: 100%;
}

.yui-navset .yui-nav li em {
border: unset;
}

.yui-navset .yui-nav a em,
.yui-navset .yui-navset-top .yui-nav a em {
padding: .35em .75em;

text-overflow: ellipsis;
overflow: hidden;
white-space: nowrap;
}

.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected,
/* ---- Selection Modifier ---- */
.yui-navset .yui-navset-top .yui-nav .selected {
flex-grow: 2;
margin: 0;
padding: 0;
/* ---- Tab Background Colour | [SELECTED] ---- */
background-color: #333333;
}

.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a,
.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a em {
border: none;
}

.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a {
width: 100%;
color: #ffffff;
}

.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a:focus,
.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a:active {
color: #ffffff;
background-color: #333333;
}

.yui-navset .yui-content {
background-color: #ffffff;
box-shadow: none;
}

.yui-navset .yui-content,
.yui-navset .yui-navset-top .yui-content {
padding: .5em;
border: 1px solid #333;
box-sizing: border-box;
}

/* CONTENT > WORDS NO BROKEY. CROQ HAS SPOKEY. and other things */

span,
a {
word-break: normal !important
}

.avatar-hover {
display: none !important;
}

#main-content .page-tags span {
max-width: 100%;
}

/* CONTENT > Dustjacket Assets */

.fancyhr hr {
border-top: 2vw solid transparent;
background-color: rgba(var(--bright-accent), 0);
height: 0;
box-sizing: border-box;
border-image-source: url('https://wanderers-library.wikidot.com/local--files/component:dustjacket-theme/wl_hr.png');
border-image-repeat: round round;
background: none;
border-image-slice: 80 500 80 500 fill;
border-image-width: 10em 80em 10em 80em;
}

.fancyborder {
box-sizing: border-box;
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Jesus. We’re sorry, folks.

One of those times I wish I was good at photo editing.

Item#: 7639

Containment Class: keter

Secondary Class: class_here

Disruption Class: vlam

Risk Class: warning

SPECIAL CONTAINMENT PROCEDURES: Any public report of SCP-7639 activity appearing similar to previous instances is to be investigated for validity. SCP-7639 instances are considered hostile entities and are to be terminated.

UPDATE: Post-Addendum-7639-4, containment focus has been shifted to the urgent termination of SCP-7639-1.

Image of Agent Gallagher cleaning his personal bidet, moments before SCP-7639 manifestation.

DESCRIPTION: SCP-7639 is a species of anomalous entities composed of plumbing systems that appear to gain sentience. SCP-7639 instances generally resemble the shape of a Macrocheira kaempferi.1

The body of an SCP-7639 instance is composed of 2 parts:

A central "carapace", made up of a bidet toilet. The ceramic making up the carapace appears to be significantly more durable than normal ceramic, and can withstand sustained gunfire before becoming damaged.

Numerous appendages used for movement and self-defense, created from pipes and other plumbing components connected to the original bidet within a radius of up to 7 meters. Multiple SCP-7639 instances have been observed with more appendages than the bidet's original plumbing system would've allowed for. It is unknown from where these appendages appear.

SCP-7639 instances are incredibly hostile to all biological organisms, often attacking via their multiple appendages or through the release of high-pressure water from the central bidet. Although SCP-7639 instances will often attempt to terminate any biological entities near their spawn area, when faced with considerable opposition, most instances will instead attempt to retreat.

While no specific requirement appears to be necessary for the manifestation of SCP-7639, 70% of all noted instances thus far have manifested close to activity related to:

SCP-7939 instances.

Activity from GOI-9219, "New Whirled Order".

As of the writing of this document, out of the 44 reports of SCP-7639 since the initial discovery of the anomaly, 23 have resulted in the entity being lost. The location of these entities is unknown.

ADDENDUM-1: SCP-7639 CONTAINMENT MEETING

Foreword: The following is a meeting between all members of Site-37's containment team for SCP-7939 and now-designated SCP-7639, discussing the recent outbreaks of SCP-7639. Agent Gallagher and Malley joined in from a live video call during an ongoing mission to investigate the 45th reported SCP-7639 instance.

Present: Dr. Emmett Fenton (Lead, General Research), Agent Jeffrey Gallagher (MTF Iota-00), Agent Vito Malley (MTF Iota-00), Dr. Kip Kibbald (Anomalous Biology), Dr. James Martin (General Research), Ethel Kursh (Human Resources).

[BEGIN LOG]

All present personnel sit around a conference room table with a built-in display screen, currently showing a map noting all locations in which an SCP-7639 has appeared. Malley and Gallagher's bodycam footage is shown on a wall-mounted screen. Fenton stands up.

E. Fenton: I hate to say this, but the only trend we've been able to identify so far is that these things appear whenever the toilets do.

Dr. Martin shakes his left arm and winces; it is wrapped in a cast.

J. Martin: And the toilets show up whenever they like. We thought it was a lucky break when 7939 instances went down, but I guess they were just preparing for this.

J. Gallagher: Fuckin' wonderful. Lemme guess, Ethel, we're going to destroy every bidet we have?

Ethel looks up from her clipboard.

E. Kursh: All personal bidets, yes. There's none within actual Foundation facilities that we need to worry about.

J. Gallagher: Ah. Weird. Good thing I got mine removed the fast way.

J. Martin: You seem oddly calm considering the fast way was a giant bidet crab mauling you.

J. Gallagher: The freak was a little guy, barely a meter tall. All it took was a few clean hits with a fire extinguisher and it was down for the count.

K. Kibbald: Too bad you smashed it though, would've been helpful to keep one in captivity.

J. Gallagher: We really can't just… grab one we find on the street?

J. Martin: Not without suffering major damages that significantly outweigh the benefits. 7639 instances are getting progressively bigger, and they're all equally violent. Not to mention the ones we lost, which… it was probably fortunate they walked away into the wilderness and not the middle of a city.

V. Malley: Even worse, they've seemingly caught on to us trying to take 'em out every time. The 20-foot-tall one just straight up chased Gallagher without a thought.

J. Gallagher: I don't think I'd put that much faith in the mind of a giant walking bidet.

J. Martin: I wouldn't put it past these things, actually. Not because they're very smart, but because they seem to be the lapdogs for Khazi, the toilets, and the microwaves.

J. Gallagher: Forgot they're part of this too. Say, Ethel, how's Nial-

E. Kursh: Not well. He's out of my purview now anyway, ever since the tape came in.

J. Gallagher: Right.

E. Fenton: Going back to the topic at hand, if anyone has any ideas, it would be appreciated.

Silence. Martin scratches the back of his head.

J. Martin: Keep… killing them?

V. Malley: I thought we decided that was too temporary of a mindset.

J. Martin: It's succeeded thus far. Kind of. A couple of casualties, but no matter how big they make 'em, it's not anywhere near as effective at terror as the toilets. Ugh, mouthful.

K. Kibbald: Hm.

E. Fenton: Something the matter, Kip?

K. Kibbald: Martin, does your list of instances have each one's size?

J. Martin: Yeah?

K. Kibbald: Great, pass me that.

Kibbald grabs the list from Martin and begins scribbling on their tablet device. The dots noting SCP-7639 instances are increased in size by Kibbald.

E. Fenton: Kip, why does-

Suddenly, a wall across the street from Gallagher and Malley bursts open. Both men fall back and their feed cuts momentarily, before an SCP-7639 instance 4 meters in height crawls through. The instance releases a blast of water from the bidet carapace, creating a high-pitched noise.

J. Gallagher: (yelling) Oh, she's a big one!

V. Malley: Shit, right, engaging now.

Kibbald continues to increase the size of the dots while looking up at the display screen showing Malley's video footage.

K. Kibbald: No! No, just hold on a second, Vito, I just need to check something.

The SCP-7639 instance rushes towards Malley, metal limbs scraping against the concrete as water spills out of the bidet. Both of the agents dive to the side.

J. Martin: Kibbald, what the hell are you talking about?

V. Malley: Kip, we're under direct orders to shoot on sight, I don't think I can-

The SCP-7639 releases a blast of water toward Malley, who barely manages to dodge the attack. Gallagher stands up and aims his weapon at the entity.

K. Kibbald: Just- James, do not shoot it yet.

J. Martin: Excuse me?

J. Gallagher: Kibbald, what?

The entity swings an appendage at Gallagher, knocking his firearm out of his hands and sending him to the ground. His body cam footage cuts out.

J. Gallagher: Shit!

E. Fenton: Gallagher! Gallagher, do you still read?

A wet cough comes through Gallagher's microphone.

J. Gallagher: Eugh… uh, technically.

V. Malley: Kip, if you're going to do something, you need to do it now!

K. Kibbald: I know, I know, just…

Kibbald draws a final dot on the map before standing up quickly and pointing to an area noticeably devoid of SCP-7639 instances.

map.7639.image

K. Kibbald: It's- It's a trail. They're getting larger in a distinct path, and- it seems like they're heading somewhere, somewhere close to… Vito!

Martin and Fenton stare at the map in confusion. Malley's bodycam shows the SCP-7639 instances repeatedly trying to terminate him with a blast of water. Gallagher can be seen in the background, slowly crawling toward his discarded firearm.

V. Malley: How does this help right now?

K. Kibbald: Vito, I need you to- Emmett, sir, can I assume control of this mission?

E. Fenton: Uh… yes, go ahead.

K. Kibbald: Thank you. Vito, the personal GPS you guys use to send us our locations, I need you to rip it off.

V. Malley: Huh?

K. Kibbald: You'll stay with Gallagher anyway, so tear it off. Then grab some of that tape you guys carry, slap it together, and-

V. Malley: Put it on the bidet?

K. Kibbald: Slap it on the- yeah.

Malley grabs the GPS unit on his shoulder and rips it off, dropping his firearm and using his other hand to pull out a roll of tape. He begins to pull out a large strip of the adhesive before dodging to the side, the SCP-7639 instance charging beside him. The entity slams into another wall across the intersection and lodges itself in.

J. Martin: Hold on, how can you be sure the thing won't just rip it off?

K. Kibbald: This isn't an actual spider crab, it doesn't have pincers. Plus, it's a chance-

The SCP-7639 releases another high-pitched noise before slamming a leg into the wall, attempting to pry itself out. Gallagher grabs his firearm.

K. Kibbald: It's a chance to know where all of the 7639s have been hiding. Fenton said it himself we need to make some kind of progress, right? This is that.

J. Martin: Hm. Fair play.

K. Kibbald: Gallagher, once Malley slaps on the GPS, you're free to shoot non-lethally. Just enough to ward the crab away from this town.

J. Gallagher: U-understood.

Malley takes a breath before running towards the entity, tape-wrapped GPS in hand.

V. Malley: Approaching entity- this better fuckin' work, Kip.

J. Martin: Godspeed.

Malley leaps onto the restrained entity and holds himself up on the bidet carapace. The appendages of the SCP-7639 begin scrambling to pull itself free as Malley sticks the GPS to the back of the bidet. He applies several layers of tape before the entity pulls itself out, sending Malley flying backward. SCP-7639 turns to face Malley and raises an appendage before a gunshot rings out, piercing the bowl of the bidet. Malley turns around, his bodycam showing Gallagher slumped on the ground, holding his weapon pointed at the entity.

J. Gallagher: Still a little guy after all, you spindly bastard.

The entity releases another high-pitched noise before rushing towards Gallagher, who fires another 3 shots. As each bullet hits the SCP-7639, the entity progressively slows down, before eventually halting 4 meters away from Gallagher. He smirks.

J. Gallagher: Not so ballsy now, are you?

The entity turns around back to Malley, turns to Gallagher, and releases a huff of misted water from the bidet carapace. It turns away from Gallagher and begins to quickly walk away, fragmented pieces of ceramic falling off onto the street. Malley sighs, and Gallagher leans his hand back on the ground. A moment of silence before everyone in the conference room cheers. Malley slowly smiles.

V. Malley: Good enough?

K. Kibbald: Fantastic work, gentlemen.

Fenton changes the screen on the table to display an active GPS tracker. The GPS ID associated with Agent Malley is seen moving slowly across the map. Kibbald then overlays their drawn-over map. The GPS is moving toward the center of the clearing area.

E. Fenton: And you were right, Kip; it's heading for that area.

J. Martin: We've got 'em.

K. Kibbald: You're goddamn right. Let's see where all these bidets end up.

[END LOG]

Following the events of the above encounter, Agent Vito Malley's GPS device was tracked moving to the direct center of the unaffected zone noted on Dr. Kibbald's map. After remote drone scouting was performed, a previously unidentified small lake was discovered, with the SCP-7639 instance spotted submerging into the water.

MTF Gamma-6 ("Deep Feeders") were called upon to investigate the occurrence.

Previously undiscovered lake noted as the destination for the tracked SCP-7639 instance.

ADDENDUM-2: EXPLORATION LOG

Forward: The following is a record of the audio log from the final exploration of MTF Gamma-6 as part of the SCP-7639 investigation.

Noted: Gamma-α, Gamma-β, Gamma-ι, Gamma-δ and Command.

[BEGIN LOG]

Command: Alright, comm checks are all clear. We’re ready when you are, Gamma-6.

Alpha: Roger that, sir. We’re heading down now.

Command: And Iota, you’ll be staying back and standing guard? Are you sure you’ll be alright?

Iota: Trained 13 years for this, sir. Locked and loaded if we get any trouble above the water.

Command: Great. Good luck, folks. We’ll be right in your ear if you need us; but remember, no engaging with any hostiles down there. There's no way of knowing whether they're as fit for the depths as the crabs they're based on.

Beta: Spider crabs, right? I held one of those once, freaky shit.

Delta: Hopefully not too freaky now, Beta.

Beta: I’ve seen worse.

Alpha: Alright, alright, enough stalling. Command, we’re beginning our descent. Iota, we’ll see you on the other side.

Iota: Aye-aye.

Command: Noting the time of descent. Clear and forward on, Gamma-6.

Sounds of footsteps entering water for 1 minute.

Alpha: Fully submerged, and continuing descent. Do you still hear us?

Command: Loud and clear.

Iota: Crystal, even!

Alpha: Terrific. Down we go.

Beta: Anybody else already excited to get back?

Delta: I left a sandwich at 37, so yeah, I’d say so.

[15 minutes of extraneous log expunged.]

Delta: -and then I said, wow, that’s a buncha horseshit!

Beta: Training really was a bitch.

Delta: Amen, brother.

Alpha: No wonder I’m Alpha here, training was-

Sounds of slow movement through water can be heard. Footsteps of Gamma-6 stop.

Command: Everything alright down there?

Alpha: Heard something moving. Anybody got sights?

Beta: Shit, uh… not presently. Flashlight isn’t helping much ‘cus of how much particulate's in the water.

Delta: Nothing from me either.

Command: Hm. What’s your depth now, Alpha?

Alpha: We’re sitting at a clean 50 feet right now.

Command: Right. Iota, upstairs status?

Audio glitches for a moment before Iota is heard.

Iota: Nothing that unusual. Been surveying the area around here, pretty empty.

Command: Good, good. Well, Alpha, do you-

Iota: Wait. What?

Alpha: Iota?

Command: Is there a problem, Iota?

Iota: Just stumbled through some tree cover close to the lake and I found…. god, looks like a massive pipe opening?

Command: Excuse me?

Iota: I mean, I don’t know, it’s a giant ring of metal sticking out of the ground. Didn’t you say this area was unpopulated?

Command: It’s supposed to be.

Alpha: Should we keep going, sir?

Hesitation.

Command: Yes, go ahead Alpha. Be prepared for any more disturbances.

Delta: Let's just hope there aren’t any.

[10 minutes of extraneous audio expunged]

Delta: Thank the Foundation for making a 100-foot-deep walk feel like Saturday in the park.

Beta: Certainly a little more-

Loud cracking noise. Footsteps stop.

Alpha: What the…

Beta: What was that?

Iota: Are you guys-

Alpha: We're… we're fine. I just stepped a little hard and the ground under me…

Sound of Alpha raising their foot. He gasps.

Alpha: That's… that's not rock under all this mud.

Beta: Looks kinda white.

Command: White? Alpha, what exactly are you stepping in?

Sound of mud and debris being cleared for a moment before a sudden stop.

Alpha: Command, it looks like ceramic underneath us. How in-depth was our scan of the lake before we jumped in?

Command: Brief, due to the need to catch up with the SCP-7639 instance.

Alpha: Right.

Delta: Should we turn back? Feels like something we should've accounted for.

Beta: I don't know how we would've accounted for it anyway, the ground felt like a thick layer of fuckin' ground everywhere else.

Delta: Regardless, there could've been something. We're only, what, eighty feet down?

Beta: Eighty is a big amount, Delta.

Delta: I know how numbers work, smart-ass.

Alpha: Both of you, stop. Command, what's your assessment of the mission?

Command: Hm. It's certainly not what we expected, but-

A series of metal creaking noises progressively get louder before stopping. Beta yelps.

Alpha: Everybody. Still.

Command: Gamma-6? Deep Feeders, what is-

Alpha: Seven SCP-7639 instances, all surrounding us. Bidet facing directly towards us. They aren’t attacking but it sure as fuck feels like a threat.

Command: Careful, Deep Feeders, those pipes can blast-

Beta: At a PsI higher than these suits can comfortably handle, we know.

Metal creaking sounds begin to move. Footsteps start again.

Alpha: They’re moving, and… I guess they want us to follow them.

Beta: Not like we have much of a choice.

Command: Jesus. We’re sorry, folks.

Delta: I dunno, they don’t seem as angry as all the reports indicate. Doesn't seem like they want us to talk, though.

Command: Understood. Iota, upstairs?

Iota: Um. I’ve found 5 more of those metal pipe exits, and I’ve walked halfway around the lake by now. You’re positive this place is undeveloped?

Command: Positive. Can you see down the pipes at all? Any determinate of depth?

Iota: They are… a long way down. Threw a rock in, but didn’t hear it hit the bottom. No idea what they are, but I’ll keep you posted. Praying it’s just some weird oil development gone wrong.

Command: Should redirect your prayers to the ones underwater.

Footsteps from the underwater group's microphones stop. A gasp is heard.

Delta: What the fuck…?

Command: Delta? Deep Feeders, why did you-

Alpha: They're… showing us a gaping hole. It's above, I dunno, 7 feet wide, at the bottom of the lake. All of them are just standing around it, and…

Beta: Are we supposed to go in?

Alpha: That… that kind of looks like it's got a rim. Yeah, the dust on the bottom of the floor is clearing, and it looks… that looks like metal.

Beta: They don't seem to mind us talking now, Command. What the hell is this place?

Alpha: Say, Iota, those metal pipes you found, how wide would you say they were?

Iota: Uh. 'Round 7 or 8 feet?

Alpha: Huh. Is it possible that they're-

Alpha is interrupted by the sounds of the ground shaking, from both their own and Iota's microphone.

Command: Deep Feeders, what was that?

Iota: I don't- the ground outside here, it's starting to- FUCK.

Delta: Excuse me, Iota?

Iota: Jesus Christ, it's the pipes, they're starting to rise, I can-

Iota's audio glitches out. Suddenly, the sound of a slow current comes through Alpha's microphone.

Command: Iota? Come in Iota, what do you mean they're rising?

Alpha: Team, you feel that, right?

Beta: Yeah, yeah I do- hey, why are they walking away?

Delta: They're not walking, they're- they're running. Command, the bidet things, they're-

Delta's audio cuts out. The sound of the current becomes louder and faster and the sound of Delta yelling can be heard from Alpha's microphone.

Alpha: Jesus fuck. Beta, Delta, we have to run, it's-

Command: Alpha, is everything alright?

Alpha: NO! No, the current, it's- I couldn't tell cus of the murkiness, but- the current is coming from the hole, and it's a fucking suction!

Command: Good lord. Gamma-6, get the hell out of there, now.

Beta: We're working on it, but it's getting stronger, and the ground in here-

Alpha: There's nothing to hold onto, and it's too much of an incline. I don't-

Current sounds become louder and faster. It is now almost impossible to hear Alpha and Beta over the sounds of the current. Sound of a footstep sliding against the ground. A loud bumping noise can be faintly heard from Beta's microphone.

Beta: No, no, please no-

Beta's audio cuts out. A scream can be faintly heard in the distance of Alpha's microphone.

Alpha: They- Beta and Delta are gone, sir, they've- Jesus Christ, they got pulled into the-

Command: Alpha, if you can get close to the surface, Iota can extract you. Just keep swimming, captain, and-

Alpha: I can't- the current, it's too- it's too strong, sir. I can barely hold onto the-

Command: Alpha, goddamnit, I am not losing 3 men today, please-

Alpha: I'm sorry, sir.

Alpha's audio cuts out.

Command: Fuck.

Iota's audio begins working again.

Iota: Shit shit shit shit shit-

Command: Iota! Good lord, agent, I thought you were dead. What's your situation upstairs? What do you mean the pipes are rising?

Iota: (yelling) It means they're going into the goddamn air! Shit, I think they're 30 feet up now, I can see them from-

Ground rumbling comes from Iota's microphone.

Iota: I'm getting the hell out of here, this is- shit, they're getting faster.

Command: Iota, what do these pipes look like?

Iota: I don't- they… they're like plumbing, massive fucking plumbing. I don't- holy shit, they're bending over. The entire lake, it's- the entire thing is going up into the air. Good god, it's not even a-

Command: What? Iota, please, remain calm and-

Multiple impact sounds.

Iota: The pipes, they're not fucking pipes, they're- (yelling) They're fucking le-

Loud smashing noise before Iota's audio cuts out.

[END LOG]

All 4 members of Gamma-6 deployed are believed to be deceased. The 200-meter tall SCP-7639 instance (designated SCP-7639-1) which pulled itself from the ground during the exploratory mission has been observed as heading toward the closest populated urban settlement, and is estimated to reach society within the next 5 hours.

Remote drone observation has yielded reports of a "small, gold-encrusted toilet" sitting atop SCP-7639-1. Possible relation to POI-9219, "Khazi" is being investigated.

Access SCiPNET Email? One (1) new message!

Situation at Hand.

To: ten.PiCS|73notnef.temme#ten.PiCS|73notnef.temme

From: The Office of O5-6.

Subject: Situation at Hand.

G'day, Dr. Fenton.

As you're probably aware by now, the situation with Khazi has worsened. The large SCP-7639 you and your team found is a few hours out from breaking the veil, and attacks from the toilets have started up again. It's bad.

This problem is expanding past the toilets. Our friend Nial's microwave situation seems to be turning into a declaration of war, and it's coinciding with a dramatic increase in more "minor" incidents, like the toaster burns at 37 or the pile-ups from stoplight malfunctions around SanFran. With this being our worst year for containment breaches to date, it doesn't help the situation that our resources are stretched thin across the entire Foundation; too thin to handle this properly.

You've been working at Site-37 for quite a few years, Fenton, and despite your qualifications, you've settled for the simpler life it provides. That landfill of a facility does seem peaceful if you aren't one of their HR cases, but the "Director of General Research" is not what we need right now. The appliances are a significant issue, yes, but I can't yet justify pulling people from their essential jobs to deal with only one crisis when there's staff without real specifications like yourself.

That being said, consider this your promotion to the Director of our brand new Department of Appliance Response. You can choose who from Site-37 you'd like to be your deputies and crew; I'd suggest Kibbald for something, or you can bar them entirely on the grounds of what happened to the Deep Feeders. It's your choice, after all; and when I say you can choose anybody, you can really choose anybody. I know there's nothing that important at Site-37.

This offer has a mandatory acceptance. We'll be in touch.

- O5-6 (Tactical Response, Weaponry Development, and Conditional Warfare)

SCPF DEPARTMENT OF OVERSIGHT

Secured, Confidential, Powerful.

ALight

THE APPLIANCE WAR

A Sinking Feeling

Footnotes

1. Japanese Spider Crab.