Keflanes Classic

Item#: 4460

Containment Class: safe

Secondary Class: none

Disruption Class: vlam

Risk Class: warning

SCP-4460.

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4460's territory has been purchased by the Foundation and redesignated as Site-440. All roads passing by or through Site-440 have been redirected, and all residents of the nearby apartment complex have been evicted.

Description: SCP-4460 is a 5 story tall factory in Nebraska, United States. Beneath the factory lie eight basement floors. The characters “ОТЕЦ” are written on the western wall of the compound in black paint. Even though SCP-4460 has been abandoned for an unknown amount of time, the above-ground stories of the compound are polished and in a working state. Objects on desks and work stations appear as though they were abandoned recently.

The objects found in SCP-4460 oppose these facts, presenting objects such as a Russian advertisement dating back to 1900 and a typewriter whose brand disbanded in 1959.1

Agent Howard inspecting a machine contained in SCP-4460. (Hover to enlarge.)

SCP-4460's interior has the appearance of a natural gas corporation, containing several natural gas advertisements and motivational posters.

Additional discoveries of this facility include a false door hidden behind a nitrous oxide2 informational poster. Behind this entrance is a flight of stairs, which lead downwards to floors B1 through B4, and closely resembles those of a steel or glass manufacturing plant. Unlike the top floors, the effects of time on the underground floors are much more clearly visible, as evidenced by the indentations, dust, grime, and corrosion covering all surfaces within. Despite their wear, the machines in the underground portion of the compound operate flawlessly.

The underground section of SCP-4460. (Hover to enlarge.)

When in the underground portion of the facility, personnel report earthquake-like vibrations which occur every 1-2 hours with an average magnitude of 2.1 on the Richter scale. These shakes are felt nowhere else in the compound. Individuals who experience these localized earthquakes immediately think that they are caused by a mysterious source of laughter. Reports of this laughter are common in personnel who experience the shaking. The following statements are those of personnel who entered the factory.

Agent Pohl: «turns around quickly, startled» Who's laughing?

Dr. Penske: «scanning the room, looking confused» What is that?

Dr. Schumacher: «visibly agitated» Is that … Who the hell is laughing? «Dr. Schumacher stops and Dr. Penske has to grab his arm to continue»

Agent Ren: That laughter is … unnerving.

After proceeding past the sixth floor down, personnel report seeing a humanoid entity, henceforth referred to as SCP-4460-A, who appears in any reflective surface. Reports of this entity include a humanoid who reflects no light, making it appear as a shadow or silhouette. SCP-4460-A does not have a head, but instead a small replica of SCP-4460 in its place. SCP-4460-A is not hostile, nor does it have any violent intent, but seems to have interest in observing personnel who enter the facility.

At the eighth basement floor is a derelict copper mine, which appears to be roughly two kilometers deep. However, ground water has seeped in, likely through irregularities or cracks in the aged stone and sediment, concealing the lower parts of the tunnels and making the true depth uncertain.3 Temperatures on floors B8 and below are as high as 48°C. Personnel proceeding this far are advised to wear protective gear capable of radiating heat away from the body efficiently. Reported encounters with SCP-4460-A are more common in this location. Noises issuing from SCP-4460-A are also apparent. These noises sound similar to those of human speech patterns, and often attempts to replicate rudimentary comedy. Although said jokes do not seem to inspire any form of laughter, SCP-4460-A acts as though it is a member or friend of any personnel who enters within the premises, often attempting to approach personnel.4 If a subject approaches within a meter of SCP-4460-A, the entity will disappear.

SCP-4460-A occasionally gestures at researchers with its two upper limbs. Often, these gestures include extending its index finger and thumb to point at personnel or placing its hands on its hips. It can be inferred that SCP-4460-A is attempting to convey human emotions such as anger, sorrow, and joy.

The comedy attempted by SCP-4460-A previously is reported to be incredibly unnerving to some members of staff, and causes the unfortunate targets to feel awash with disappointment and/or embarrassment.

Reports of "jokes" that SCP-4460-A has made in the past are recorded as follows:

WARNING: Although no cognitohazardous effects have manifested thus far, personnel report extreme disappointment and/or embarrassment while viewing. View at your own discretion.

Password received - K7Hn0O2en7Zm43qPllkImn8 - Access granted.

+ File-4460-1A

- Hide

"Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!"

"The rotation of the Earth really makes my day!"

"What do you call a fat physic? a FOUR-CHIN teller!"

"I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying!"

"Knock knock .. "Who's there?" "Cow says." "Cow says .. who?" "No, cow says moooooo!"

"What do you call a pig with no ears? [DATA REDACTED]!"

After leaving SCP-4460, a projection of SCP-4460-A and its associated noise follow personnel everywhere they go, henceforth described as "tethering." However, SCP-4460-A will only appear to a tethered victim if a reflective surface is within 20 meters, from which its image will be shown.

If a subject tethered to SCP-4460-A is placed in a closed cell with no form of reflective material within 20 meters, SCP-4460-A will not appear.

Additional Logs:

+ Exploration Log 4460-I

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Exploration Video Log Transcript

Date: 24/12/2005

Subject: SCP-4460

Team Lead: Captain Andrew Ross

Team Members: Agents Sam Cole, Amelia Flynn, and Chase Bowes.

Notes: Exploratory Mission 4460-G was scheduled for December 24th, 2005 with a team of 4, led by Captain Andrew Ross. The goal of the mission was to further study the effects of SCP-4460-A, as well as the non-anomalous objects and architecture found within SCP-4460. The team was supplied with audio headsets connecting with Dr. Gross at Control, as well as a sufficient supply of food rations. For more information regarding this mission, see document EXPLOG4460-I.

<Begin Log>

The team proceeds through the initial doorway unto the ground level floor of SCP-4460.

Mission Log - Captain Andrew Ross

As soon as we entered that godforsaken place I knew SOMETHING was up. Why the hell did I go further? Why the hell did I do that?

Doesn't help either that they didn't tell us that the hell was even in there in the first place.

CONTROL: You're in?

Ross: Copy.

CONTROL: Alright, good. Look around for anything funny. We'll be listening in.

The team splits up and investigates various items found on tables and desks.

Bowes: I'm seeing a bunch of old typewriters that are … New? Looks like an old design, but it's polished and … Agent Bowes taps several keys… works too, it seems. Brand is Oliver Typewriter Company.

CONTROL: Noted. Keep looking. I'll let you know when to proceed.

The team searches the floor extensively. Notable objects noted include:

A Coca-cola advertisement dating back to 1955

Several Russian advertisements

Informational natural gas posters

The team was then informed to carry on unto the basement floors of the facility after equipping a protective gear capable of cooling its user efficiently.

Mission Log - Agent Amelia Flynn

It's fucking hot. Yeah, no duh. It literally feels like I'm in the pit of Hell, which might even be better if I say so myself.

Half the reason I'm so pissed is that I was "randomly selected" for this mission. Wasn't aware that "you may end up in the Earth's inner core" was written in fine text somewhere when I first showed up at the foundation.

That's hardly the worst of it though. These pipes are wrapping around every god damn thing, going over the path so much I feel like I'm playing limbo half the time. Even worse; these pipes are god damn rusty. I swear half of this place is just rust. I feel like if I get cut by one of these things I'll have to get 100 tetanus shots. I better be getting paid sufficiently after getting out of here.

Ross pries the false wall open, revealing the basement floors of SCP-4460.

Ross falls backwards, Agent Bowes catches him.

Ross: God!

CONTROL: You alright, Ross?

Ross: Yeah I'm fine. Heat hit me like a fucking rock. Heading in.

Captain Ross and the others proceed down the staircase and unto floor B1.

Ross: Well, here we are. Looks pretty homey.

Flynn: Gonna have to get used to it. We're gonna be here for a … Bit.

Bowes: We're not even there yet. We're going all the way down to the 8th basement floor, right next to hell itself. Heard there's a big mine down there too.

A machine located in the basement floors of SCP-4460.

✖

Mission Log - Agent Sam Cole

The air was thick with smog and heat. I could barely see anything because my mask had fogged up from the sudden temperature change.

There was a warm orange glow peeking out of the corners of my eyes as I proceeded down the grated path, nearly sweating through my cooling suit. The ceiling reached almost impossibly high for only being one floor below ground. Copper pipes stretch from wall to wall, ceiling to ceiling, covered in a thick Statue of Liberty green. Steel pipes are here too, red with rust. All together the pipes produce a nice Christmas color scheme, which frankly I'm not feeling the spirit for right now.

There's smoke everywhere, coming out of every irregularity in, well, everything. There's fire too. Lot's of it. We're all lucky these cooling suits come with a mask, or else I'm sure that we would all be laying dead right now.

I've inferred that this place by itself might be more dangerous than this damn SCP we're gonna be dealing with right damn soon.

But this, all of this that I've talked about so far is nothing. nothing at all. The worst part of this god damn place are the earthquakes.

The ground is heard shaking at a remarkable magnitude. The whole team grabs the railings of the pathway.

Ross: What the hell was that?

Flynn: God damn laughter was what it was! Get me the hell out of here!

Bowes blocks Flynn from exiting.

Cole: Felt and sounded like laughter. It's probably just the Los Angeles fault line, we're right next to that anyways.

Bowes: Either way; damn, that's some freaky stuff.

The team continued through the facility without incident until reaching floor B4 when Agent Bowes encountered SCP-4460-A. The following transcripts the event.

Bowes: Holy … Damn! What was that thing!

Bowes stutters and forces his way to the back of the team.

Flynn: What the hell was it?

CONTROL: What's going on? Bowes?

Cole: Agent Bowes seems to have seen something, doc.

Bowes: He was just staring at me through the glass! Big factory head, like … like the one we're in! Damn, what the … Hell?

Ross: I don't have a visual, where did you see it?

Bowes: Well, genius, it's gone now, Andrew.

Ross: Since when have we been on a first name basis? Actually, nevermind. The entity seems to be gone, control.

CONTROL: Continue with caution. You're 4 floors away from your destination.

Ross: Copy. Bowes, back to position.

The team continues through the compound. Three out of the four members of the team report seeing SCP-4460-A by the one hour mark. The team makes it to the eighth basement floor after one hour in the facility. The transcript picks up after the team reaches the eighth basement floor of the compound.

Ross: Alright, we're here. Let's get these things unpacked.

Mission Log - Agent Chase Bowes

And after about eight decades, we finally reached the eighth floor. Great.

That … thing. I was scared at first but, hey, that thing didn't look like it wanted to eat my soul, unlike SOME subjects I've dealt with… Cough Flynn Cough …

This mine is pretty alarming. Lots of dirt, metal, and grated pathways. All abandoned, too. This place was left in the lurch, that's for sure. Unlike the top floors, this place is nasty and hot. and by hot, I mean sweating through my cooling suit, well, SUPPOSED to be cooling suit, which is … impressive.

The only things wrong with this place: The earthquakes and that thing, which mind you is still appearing. The earthquakes are freaky as well. It's still happening too, and sounds like it's coming from deep within that mine that we're sleeping next to. Another thing, that thing that I was talking about? SCP-4460-A. That's it's designation, I guess. Well anyways - SCP-4460-A talks. IT TALKS! can you imagine that?

So far I've only heard it say one thing. It appeared right after Amelia asked me what time it was. Captain looked at his watch which was covered by his cooling suit, and that thing appeared right behind him and said "Time for you to get a watch!" I don't get it! Captain Ross had a watch! Anyways, as soon as he said that Amelia's face went red for some reason.

Apparently it said something else while I was running around the floor above looking for God knows what. Apparently, Sam was talking about the damn thing. Something like "That thing is freaky," obviously referring to SCP-4460-A, which is TRUE, but right behind him arose the godforsaken being. It apparently said "I'm not freaky, I'm ОТЕЦ!" … I don't even know what that means. Maybe I'm just clueless.

And that's all she wrote, I guess. Signing out for now, -Chase.

After 10 more hours in SCP-4460, the team heads back to the surface and exits SCP-4460. Captain Ross declined to writing a post-mission mission log.

<End Log>

+ Exploration Log 4460-II

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Exploration Audio Log Transcript

Date: 27/02/2006

Subject: SCP-4460

Notes: Exploratory Mission 4460-II was scheduled for February 27th, 2006. The goal of the mission was to explore and document the flooded mine area of SCP-4460. Individual components were brought into SCP-4460 to construct a bathysphere.5 D-4875 was supplied with an audio headset connecting to Doctors Ricky Reeves and Clifford Dixon at control. For more info regarding this mission, see EXPLOG-4460-II.

<Begin Log>

CONTROL: Okay, you're in the water as you can see. Everything alright down there?

D-4875: Uh, yeah. Is the oxygen gonna run out down here?

CONTROL: Not at all. We got you hooked up to an O2 machine up here, you're fine. All right, now that that is all settled, why don't you tell me what it looks like through that port hole?

D-4875: Uh, looks like … water? I don't know, it's really murky down here.

CONTROL: Can you see the walls of the mine at all?

D-4857: Uh, a little bit. The walls made of dirt, right?

CONTROL: I believe you're correct. All right, we're going to continue to let you down, you tell us if you see anything odd, alright?

D-4857: Mhm, yeah.

The bathysphere is lowered for another 20 minutes

D-4857: Uh, you still there?

CONTROL: Yeah, anything happening down there?

D-4857: Something's off.

CONTROL: Can you-

D-4857: «D-4857 gasps» It's here! That factory head!

CONTROL: What is it saying?

D-4857 shudders

D-4857: "Can you be more pacific?"

Dr. Dixon scribbles something down on his paper.

CONTROL: Anything else?

D-4857: No, no not really. It's gone now.

CONTROL: Okay. well, what were you saying before that?

D-4857: Oh, just a floor.

CONTROL: A floor? Can you be more pacific? Ha, just kidding. Can you elaborate?

D-4857: Yeah, like the ones above the mine thing. No water or anything.

CONTROL: No water?

D-4857: Did I stutter?

Dr. Dixon and Reeves scribble something down.

CONTROL: Are you still … observing it?

D-4857: Nah.

CONTROL: Well, uh, okay then! «To other researchers» You got that, didn't you?

The bathysphere continues down the mine for another hour before being pulled back up. An additional exploration log of the floor seen by D-4857 was scheduled, and details of the log are transcribed within Exploration Log-4460-III.

<End Log>

+ Exploration Log 4460-III

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Exploration Audio Log Transcript

Date: 03/04/2006

Subject: SCP-4460

Team Lead: Captain Román París

Team Members: Agents Parker Taylor and Ellyn Horsey.

Notes: Exploratory Mission 4460-III was scheduled for March 3rd, 2006 with a team of 3 led by Captain Román París. The objective of the mission was to document and explore a floor located approximately 1 km below floor B8, reportedly devoid of any ground water. The team was supplied with audio headsets connecting with Researchers Barnaby Harcourt and Billy Beebe at Control, as well as a sufficient supply of food rations. For more information regarding this mission, see document EXPLOG4460-III.

<Begin Log>

Materials to build a bathysphere were carried to floor B8 and constructed on said floor. Captain París and agents Taylor and Horsey board the submersible and are lowered to the floor, henceforth referred to as B9. The team deboards the bathysphere and begin their radio call with Researcher Harcourt at control. The transcript of the exploratory mission follows.

París: I'm out the bathysphere, Harcourt.

A machine located on floor B9.

✖

CONTROL: Exceptional. The other agents are out of the submersible too, I presume?

París helps Horsey out of the bathysphere.

París: Yes.

Horsey: «Coughs» Smells like nitrous down here.

CONTROL: Noted. Can someone describe what it looks like from where you are?

Taylor: Sure. Looks a lot like the other floors, lots of smog. Hallways too, there's a fork in the road right in front of us. Also as Ellyn said; smells a lot like laughing gas down here, even through this cooling suit.

CONTROL: Interesting. Is everyone ready down there?

París: Yup.

CONTROL: Good. Go ahead and go towards this fork mentioned.

The team proceeds down the left path of floor B9, marking their path along the way as a way to find their way back to the bathysphere. The team continues before coming across four different routes; after deliberation, the team chose the far right path. The team reports many instances of SCP-4460-A appearing near their vicinity during the trek, often taunting the team with its comedy. Reports of jokes during this time include:

«The team stumbles upon a metal crucible containing molten steel.» "I knew metal before it was cool!"

«The team discovers a large industrial fan.» "I don't know about you, but I'm a huge metal fan!"

«The team walks by a fire contained in a small furnace.» "Sorry if it's hot in here, I might have to step out!"

«The team is walking nearby a cluster of tangled copper pipes.» "I guess you could call me copper and tellurium because I sure am CuTe!"

After three hours, the team runs out of materials to mark the walls, but continues down the hallway without it. At the four hour mark, the team reports feeling ill on account of the nitrous oxide levels. The team attempts to find their way back to the bathysphere.

París: I don't think we can last much longer down here. Nitrous levels getting way too high. I think we'll try and make our way back, Harcourt.

CONTROL: Copy. We'll be waiting your return back at the surface.

París: Sounds good.

Horsey: Thank god, let's go. I got a mad headache right now.

The team turns around to head back to the bathysphere, only to find themselves lost.

Taylor: Roman, Where the hell are we? We didn't come this way at all.

París: We're fine. Just keep on following me.

Horsey: Parker's got a point. Why the hell did we keep going without any form of marking system?

París: Will the bunch of you be quiet? I got this.

SCP-4460-A is then audible through the audio headsets.

SCP-4460-A: Aye, this place is pretty a-maze-ing, wouldn't you say?

París: Christ.

Horsey: Why'd he say a maze pun?

Taylor: Why do you think? We're trapped in here for good.

CONTROL: Don't worry guys, we'll handle this. «To Researcher Beebe» Do you think we can get another team down there?

Beebe: Yeah, but we're going to have to take their bathysphere out first.

CONTROL: Do whatever's necessary.

Beebe: Right. We'll get another team down there in, oh, forty minutes?

CONTROL: Sounds good. Tell the guys on B8 to pull the bathysphere up.

Beebe: Copy.

CONTROL: We got another team going down there for you. Just stay where you are.

París: Understood. We'll try our best.

Thirty minutes go by.

Horsey: Captain…

París: Yeah?

Horsey: Where the hell did Parker go?

París: Uh…

París: Control?

CONTROL: Yes, we have a team coming as we speak-

París: Parker's gone.

CONTROL: What do you mean?

París: I said he left!

CONTROL: «To Researcher Beebe» You hear that?

CONTROL: One moment, we'll try to contact him through his headset.

Control attempts to contact Agent Taylor through his audio headset, but proves futile. Ten more minutes go by when a secondary exploration team find Captain París and Agent Horsey just 100 meters from the entry point. Both show extreme nausea caused by long term exposure to nitrous oxide, but recover fully within 5 days. Agent Taylor's comatose body was found six days later, with no audio headset and a large fissure in his cooling mask. With him was a journal, written in which were logs of several other missions assigned to Agent Taylor, including the mission he passed during. Entries from this mission follows.

Mission Log, Parker Taylor

Shit.

This nitrous in the air is about to get me killed. I passed out while waiting for rescue a few minutes(?) ago, but I woke up in a completely different part of this labyrinth with a giant gash on my head and no audio headset. This god damn place is trying to kill me.

I have no idea where I am. No idea at all. I've already tried to go back to where I was waiting but it just doesn't exist! Even worse is that I encountered that factory head again while looking for the rest of the crew. > I don't even remember what he said, something like "Don't B negative" while pointing at my gash. A blood related joke, I presume. I hate how it knows my blood type.

I'm sick. This nitrous oxide is killing me. Help.

I can only presume that it's the next day.

This thing is following me with his god-awful jokes. I guess there's no one else in this place, which would explain why it's picking on me.

Also, the damn earthquakes. Laughter. Whatever you might call them. It happens every single time I god damn breathe. It's so loud. And strong. And every time this damn place shakes that guy shows up.

I can't write anymore. My head hurts way too much for this. Here's to getting rescued soon.

Jesus Christ.

It's not in the reflections anymore. It's everywhere. Is it the nitrous oxide or is it real? Is anything in this god damn place real? Am I real? I'm reckless. I'm doing whatever it's gonna take to get out of this place, and I know the risks. I'm dizzy. Not enough oxygen down here.

My fingers are blue and I've been choking on my own lungs for what feels like several lifetimes. Why am I down here?

This place is just a mess of machines, unfazed by the efforts anyone who tries to stop it. This entire odyssey is some sick joke by a mad factory head. If you're reading this, please respond.

It's dark down here, and nothing makes sense.

No other anomalous effects are believed to be contained within the lower levels of the floor, and the descriptions given are likely side effects of a nitrous oxide overdose.

Agent Parker Taylor died four days later, and an autopsy revealed a severe nitrous oxide overdose, causing hallucinations, headaches, and seizures, which was also the cause of the comatose state Agent Parker Taylor was found with.

<End Log>

Footnotes

1. Both objects show no visible wear.

2. Nitrous oxide, N2O, is commonly known as laughing gas.

3. See Exploration Log-4460-II and III for more information regarding this.

4. Because of its nature, SCP-4460-A cannot leave the reflection, but often bluffs hitting the surface it appears on.

5. A bathysphere is a spherical deep-sea submersible, capable of reaching depths of 914 meters.

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