by Zenobiyl

Item#: 7907

Containment Class: neutralized

Secondary Class: none

Disruption Class: keneq

Risk Class: danger

SCP-7907-1 manifestation near Kissimmee, Florida.

Assigned Site
Site Director
Assigned Task Force
MTF Commander

Area-37
Emery Novens
MTF Mu-13 "Ghostbusters"
Max Maxwell

PoI-3947, Alton Langmeyer

Special Containment Procedures: A three-kilometer area around each SCP-7907 manifestation is to be evacuated for forty-eight hours. Individuals exiting SCP-7907-1 are to be given psychiatric and/or amnestic treatment.

Description: SCP-7907 is a poltergeist, believed to be PoI-3947, that assumes the form of an emaciated male humanoid wearing a Venetian carnival mask. Direct eye contact with the entity has been known to cause severe cognitohazardous harm including personality alteration, memory loss, and psychosis. SCP-7907 can trigger pseudobulbar affect1 through its cognitohazardous speech. A black book entitled "Liber Mortis" (designated SCP-7907-3) is believed to be the source of the entity's cognitohazardous properties.

SCP-7907 will manifest itself and a standard-size carnival tent (designated SCP-7907-1) within the United States approximately once per decade, during an SCP-7907-A event. Manifestations last up to two days, during which time the entity and decomposing bodies puppeteered by it (designated SCP-7907-2) perform anomalous and/or anatomically impossible circus tricks.

Individuals can enter and exit SCP-7907-1 during an SCP-7907-A event, though the entity has been known to react aggressively to research and/or rescue expeditions. When an SCP-7907-A event is concluded, the entity and all objects related to it spontaneously dematerialize. Individuals inside SCP-7907-1 during dematerialization have reported falling and remaining unconscious until the next SCP-7907-A event. Promotional advertisements are occasionally left behind following dematerialization, and information from them has enabled prediction of future SCP-7907-A events.

Addendum SCP-7907-1: SCP-7907-A History and Event Summaries

06/13/1905

May this letter find you in good cheer, for ours is beyond measure. At long last we've secured a plot in San Fransisco for the traveling circus show. It took every copper, but "Langmeyer's Laugh Emporium" will finally be performing for the world. Alton is delighted by the news, and I eagerly await our upcoming debut!

-Will

Although first located in 1934 through an SCP-7907-A event, subsequent research indicates that the entity has been active since 1906, when LoI-3210, a circus tent commonly known as "Langmeyer's Laugh Emporium," disappeared during a 7.9 magnitude earthquake. Surviving records from the deceased PoI-39482 confirmed the connection between PoI-3947 and SCP-7907.

The following is a log of all recorded SCP-7907-A events:

Event Summary: 1934/08/13

SCP-7907-1 manifests in southwestern Oklahoma. Local reports of carnival advertisements raining from the skies reach Foundation operatives, though they fail to arrive before the conclusion of the SCP-7907-A event. Several locals went missing and are presumed dead.

Event Summary: 1949/01/29

SCP-7907-1 manifests in southern Florida, with advertisements mentioning a famous contortionist act.

Performance Summary: SCP-7907 puppeteers a decomposing body while claiming to be "The Great Lombardi," and contorts it into anatomically impossible positions. Several jaw muscles appear to have been violently removed, presumably to facilitate easier ventriloquy.

Event Summary: 1955/03/05

SCP-7907-1 manifests in central Texas, with advertisements mentioning a sword-swallower and opera singer. A failed research expedition results in the loss of seven six staff members.

Performance Summary: SCP-7907 consumes three scimitars, four short swords, and a halberd during the first act. Impressions of the blades can be seen protruding from the entity's skin. A brief intermission follows, during which time retching and sounds of tearing flesh can be heard. During the second act SCP-7907 is dressed in a full-body gown, and sings Libiamo ne' lieti calici from La Traviata. The entity repeatedly vomits blood during the rendition.

Event Summary: 1964/09/19

SCP-7907-1 manifests in southern Illinois, with advertisements mentioning acrobats and a lion-tamer. MTF Mu-13 infiltrates SCP-7907-1 and successfully recovers Dr. Angela Grant, a Foundation researcher who went missing during the previous SCP-7907-A event.

Performance Summary: Several "lions" composed of putrefying organic matter are brought on stage and whipped by SCP-7907 until they stand on their hind legs. The creatures then perform a tightrope balance and attempt to jump through flaming hoops. Several of them collide with the hoops mid-jump and are sliced in half, at which point the flaming halves fall to the stage floor and violently convulse.

Event Summary: 1982/06/12

SCP-7907-1 manifests in western Vermont, with advertisements mentioning a balloon artist, fire-breathers, and a stand-up comedian. MTF Mu-13 is sent to rescue trapped individuals.

Performance Summary: ████████ ████████████████ ██████████████████ ██████. ████████████ ██████████████████ ████ ██████ ██████, ████████████ █████████. Operation resulted in three casualties.3

Interviewer: Site Director Emery Novens

Interviewee: Dr. Angela Grant

Foreword: Director Novens questions Dr. Grant on her experience inside SCP-7907-1.

[Written Transcript]

Director Novens: Could you tell us how you became trapped within SCP-7907-1, Dr. Grant?

Dr. Grant: It happened while I backstage with my team. We found twisted carnival masks, bloody swords, and… [whispering] I think there were some props made of human skin. I was photographing pages from this creepy black book when we heard someone coming.

Director Novens: It was SCP-7907, correct?

Dr. Grant: Yes. [pauses] He was tall and stick-thin, but I couldn't get a good look at the guy because he was covered head-to-toe in fancy circus clothes. The man's outfit was so colorful he looked half-peacock, and his face was covered by a grinning mask. It was leaking some kind of black fluid, and the smell…

Dr. Grant vomits on the floor of the interview room. Director Novens sends for a janitor and offers a towel to Dr. Grant.

Director Novens: …You were saying?

Dr. Grant: My legs were like jelly, and I barely managed to hide under a table before he came into the room. "Trying to nab my secrets, eh?" I heard that hideous mask speak to us, "A good performer never shares a jot, but methinks you'll be sharing things with me instead…" I caught a glimpse of his eyes while he was staring at one of my colleagues, and suddenly all I could see was the swirling purple light in the empty eye-sockets of his mask. It felt… [pauses]

Director Novens [quietly]: It's alright, you're safe here.

Dr. Grant: It felt like he was stealing thoughts right out of my head. I felt ideas, memories, even whole chunks of my psyche being sucked out as if a leech had latched onto my brain.

Director Novens: Did it try to kill you?

Dr. Grant: He didn't see me under the table, at least, I don't think he did. That guy went to each of my colleagues, looking them in the eyes with that same light, and kissed them on the mouth.

Director Novens: It kissed them?

Dr. Grant: The guy looked more like he was sucking something out of their mouths, but I didn't get a good view. A few moments later I fell unconscious. The last thing I remembered was hearing someone weeping, "Sorry. Sorry. So sorry…"

Director Novens: Do you remember anything else?

Dr. Grant: I remember waking up under the same table and finding a spot under the stands to hide in. That's where your agent found me.

Director Novens: Nothing else?

Dr. Grant: No. [pauses] Can I leave now?

Closing Statement: Dr. Grant is to be referred to a site therapist weekly for physiatric care, and archives of her photographs of SCP-7907-3 are to be assigned level 4/7907 classification.

01/24/1906

The show's earnings were poor this week, and Alton has been acting quite strange as well. He showed me a book of magicks with profane inscriptions, insisting that we use its unholy powers for the show. I told Alton to burn the book before it hexed us all, but he refused to listen. I fear for his soul.

-Will

Interviewer: Site Director Emery Novens

Interviewee: MTF Agent Max Maxwell

Foreword: Director Novens questions Agent Maxwell about his version of events during the SCP-7907-A event of 1964.

[Written Transcript]

Director Novens: Greetings, Agent Maxwell. You'll be pleased to know Dr. Grant is safe and in good health thanks to your brave actions. Shall I schedule a meeting with her?

Agent Maxwell: Yes, and let's get down to brass tacks while we're here. You didn't invite me just for a pat on the back, did you?

Director Novens: You are correct, Agent Maxwell, and as direct as ever. Our interview with Dr. Grant was… inconclusive. We hope that your account will clear some things up.

Agent Maxwell: Of course, sir. We first rushed the circus perimeter, and the boys started drawing lots for who'd have to go inside. I offered to take Chip's place when he drew a short straw, and then me and the unlucky fellas entered the tent.

Director Novens: You volunteered?

Agent Maxwell: Yeah. [chuckles] Probably a stupid idea in hindsight, but Chip had a baby girl and I didn't want that on my conscience.

Director Novens: [smiles] A commendable sentiment, Agent Maxwell. Please continue.

Agent Maxwell: The inside was huge, ten times bigger than the tent at least, and there were these frankensteined creatures prancing around on their hind legs upstage. Some of the other guys were distracted by all that, not to mention the smell of rotting flesh, so I told them to keep their eyes peeled. There were people trapped in this magic building, and we had to rescue them.

Director Novens: And was that when you found Dr. Grant?

Agent Maxwell: Yes, I found her hiding under these bleacher-type seats… Well, I suppose heard her is more accurate, seeing as the woman was babbling like she'd been shell-shocked. I told her that help had arrived.

Director Novens: How did she react to that statement?

Agent Maxwell: Laughter. [pauses] And by that I mean laughter. She started laughing uncontrollably and rolling on the floor, to the point where some of the circus-zombie-things started turning and getting angry. I didn't have time to chit-chat, so I hoisted the gibbering woman over my shoulder and high-tailed it out of there. She kept babbling, "He told a funny! I know a funny!" as if she'd never heard a joke before in her life, so I knocked her unconscious with an elbow to the head. [looks down] Couldn't risk attracting more of those circus freaks, you know?

Director Novens: I'd say you made the right decision, Agent Maxwell. [pauses] While we're on the subject of the SCP-7907-2 entities, did any of them try to stop you?

Agent Maxwell: The little ones did. Their bodies felt like carrion and were about as strong. You think they'd flee after the first few gunshots, but those guys were practically throwing themselves at us saying "Shoot! Shoot! Don't hold back!" [pauses] We didn't, not that it made much of a difference. Even with a dozen bullet holes those bastards still kept crawling towards us. At least the bullets actually slowed them down; no such luck when it came to the other guy…

Director Novens: SCP-7907, correct?

Agent Maxwell: Yes. He rose and spoke as I was running headfirst out of the circus with my mates. "Think it's funny to spoil my show, do you?" He said to us, "I'll tell you what's really funny!"

Director Novens: And what was "really funny?"

Agent Maxwell: ████████████ ██████ ███ █████ ████████

Director Novens begins laughing uncontrollably, making spasmodic motions and crying from both eyes.

Agent Maxwell: …I still don't get it.

Closing Statement: All MTF Mu-13 task force members that entered SCP-7907-1 are missing and presumed dead, with the exception of Agent Maxwell. Director Novens remained incapacitated for two hours and continued to suffer from pseudobulbar affect for a week.

04/18/1906

Forgive me, mother, but I had no choice. Today is our last performance before going broke, and I told Alton that he could use his vile book if it would save us from ruin. I already see a great crowd coming for the show, but I fear the cost of this sorcery. If anything should happen, pray for us both.

-Will

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING FILE IS LEVEL 4/7907 CLASSIFIED

ANY ATTEMPT TO ACCESS THIS FILE WITHOUT LEVEL 4/7907 AUTHORIZATION WILL BE LOGGED AND WILL LEAD TO IMMEDIATE DISCIPLINARY ACTION.

+ Addendum SCP-7907-2 (1982/06/12)

- Addendum SCP-7907-2 (1982/06/12)

(Excerpt from Liber Mortis, page 19)4

"…direct eye contact to complete the spell. Users of the Siphon can absorb memories from the consciousness of another, though the caster must know what they wish to steal beforehand. The Siphon is a powerful incantation, and must not be used without extensive training to avoid residual corruption…"5

It worked! Tonight's show will be unmatched thanks to my borrowed jokes. This book is just what Will and I need to get the circus back on track!

Foreword: MTF Commander Max Maxwell briefs task force Mu-13 on their upcoming retrieval mission.

[Video & Audio Log,6 13:46 hours]

Commander Maxwell: Roll call!

Audible groans.

Commander Maxwell [shouting]: The sooner you can it, the sooner we leave. [pauses] Anyone else?

Agent Sadie Vance: Could you repeat that? [points at her hearing aids] I couldn't quite hear-

Commander Maxwell [screaming]: I SAID THE SOONER YOU SHUT UP, THE SOONER WE LEAVE!

Agent Vance [smirking]: Sounds like you're the only loud one, Max.

Several agents snicker.

Commander Maxwell: Being funny, are you? Twenty pushups.

Agent Vance: [assumes pushup form] Yeah, funny. I'm surprised you even know what that word means, seeing as you've got about as many jokes in your head as you have strands of hair.

Commander Maxwell glares at the other field agents. Nobody laughs.

Commander Maxwell: Forty pushups.

Commander Maxwell takes roll for the remaining agents: Levin Lossfelt, Terrence Caughron, and Cecilia Wren. He feels his comb-over midway through while nobody is looking.

Commander Maxwell: I'll cut to the chase so you numbskulls can understand: you're here because a few hours from now this field will have a big tent in it, and we need to rescue the people trapped inside.

Agent Vance is staring at her reflection in the helmet's front visor.

Commander Maxwell: That's an MTF helmet, Agent Vance, not a mirror. [turns to other agents] Follow my lead, and if shit hits the fan go right for the exit. Got it?

The agents nod their heads.

(Excerpt from Liber Mortis, page 32)

"A rune of enrapturement can overwhelm anyone with the sensation of your choice once activated, so long as the person(s) in question are able to hear and understand the activation phrase. Usage of such runes on more than three people at once… [text missing] …geological disturbances…"

Will finally put his superstitions aside and let me use the book for a show, though he waited until we were down to our last coin before doing so. We need a miracle to save the circus at this point, so I'll have to take my chances with that last part. I'm gathering a crowd of thousands tonight, and something tells me they'll be enraptured by the grand finale…

MTF Mu-13 agents enter SCP-7907-1, at which point video quality worsens. SCP-7907-2 instances in advanced stages of decomposition are exhaling fire on stage, and less-decomposed instances in the stands are clapping and cheering hysterically.

[Video & Audio Log, 19:29 hours]

Agent Terrence Caughron: What the fuck! Are those people?

Commander Maxwell: Not anymore. Keep moving; our mission is to find survivors only.

MTF agents sneak across the back of the audience stands. The fire-breathing entities leave the stage and are replaced by a bloated SCP-7907-2 instance carrying a human lung labeled "balloon bag." Balloon "animals" formed by the entity are named after missing persons.

Agent Cecilia Wren: No survivors here, Commander.

MTF agents continue searching under the stands. The SCP-7907-2 instance leaves the stage and is replaced by SCP-7907, which claims to be a "world-famous comedian."

Commander Maxwell: Copy. [pause] Regroup and check-

SCP-7907 [into mic]: Good evening gents! We have some special visitors for tonight's show, [spotlights shine on MTF agents] but it seems they're a little shy. Give 'em a warm welcome, everyone!

All SCP-7907-2 instances simultaneously face the MTF agents and begin sprinting after them. Video quality is further corrupted.

Commander Maxwell: Head for the exits!

SCP-7907 raises its hands over its head and twists them counterclockwise 180 degrees at the wrist. The circumference of the tent rotates in the same way, placing the exit on the opposite side behind the stage.

SCP-7907 [into mic]: Leave? You haven't heard a single joke yet!

SCP-7907-2 instances attack from all directions, while MTF agents fight their way towards the backstage doors. Laughter can be heard in every direction.

SCP-7907 [into mic]: How about a simple one to start us off? [laughter stops] How do you ████████████ ██ ███████ █████ ███

The laughter returns and intensifies as the MTF agents pass through the primary backstage door, entering a dressing room filled with circus clothing and costumes. Live feeds from all SCRAMBLE helmets are lost moments later, indicating equipment failure.

Commander Maxwell: Damn piece of junk. [smacks helmet] How much money did R&D blow on this thing for it to crap out after one mission?

Commander Maxwell uses a discarded fly pole to bar the door shut, and motions to the remaining agents.

Commander Maxwell: Our equipment's shot; we need to evacuate right now. Follow my lead and run when I tell y- [pauses] where's Agent Vance?

The other MTF agents look around confusedly.

Commander Maxwell: Damn it! You three head for the exits; I'll find her and catch up with you.

Commander Maxwell moves through a room filled with machinery while the other MTF agents search for the exit in a prop storage area at the far end of the tent. Distant laughter can be heard from upstage.

Commander Maxwell [shouting]: Sadie! There you are!

Agent Vance is in a small room inspecting an enormous black book entitled "Liber Mortis." She looks up from the book and appears startled.

Commander Maxwell: The hell are you doing here? I told you to follow my lead, remember?

Agent Vance: I got lost, Commander. [pauses] I couldn't hear anything.

Commander Maxwell: What do you mean you couldn't-

Agent Vance removes two hearing aids from her pocket.

Commander Maxwell: Oh… [sighs] So it's not just the helmets; all our tech breaks in this magic tent.

Agent Vance: "Our neck breaks?" Sorry, I haven't done lip reading in years…

Commander Maxwell: Enough chat; we need to leave.

Agent Vance: Leave? We haven't even saved anyone!

The laughter from upstage abruptly stops.

Commander Maxwell: You want to save someone? Save yourself by getting the fuck out of here. That's an order, Sadie.

Agent Vance: No. [pauses] I figured out a way to defeat that monster, and I'm not going to leave until I do.

Commander Maxwell: Then you can tell me on the way. [grabs Agent Vance by the arm] Let's go.

Agent Vance tucks the book under her other arm as the two head for the now-backstage exit.

Agent Vance: Every poltergeist has an anchor,7 right? It's parapsychology 101.

Commander Maxwell: And you think that book is an anchor?

Agent Vance: Yes. If we destroy this book then the skip will be banished from our world.

Commander Maxwell: Not a bad idea… [glares] But don't think you're off the hook for disobeying my orders.

Agent Vance [smiling]: I'm gonna go ahead and say you're congratulating me for taking initiative right now.

Commander Maxwell: I wasn't.

Agent Vance [laughing]: Do you always take things so literally, Max?

Commander Maxwell: [growling] You'll be on toilets for the next month if I hear another word. [opens a door to the backstage room filled with machinery] …I don't know what site you trained with, but your antics are not cute, they're not endearing, and they're certainly not-

SCP-7907: Funny, Mr. Maxwell?

(Excerpt from the San Fransisco Chronicle, 04/19/1906)8

…prayer vigil next Friday. The body of local circus owner William Langmeyer was located last night, though cause of death remains unknown as there were no noticeable injuries on his person or debris in the vicinity…

…bodies of Alton Langmeyer and seventeen other victims have yet to be found.

THE SHOW MUST GO ON THE SHOW MUST GO ON THE SHOW MUST GO ON THE SHOW MUST GO ON THE SHOW MUST GO ON THE SHOW MUST GO ON THE SHOW MUST GO ON THE SHOW MUST GO ON THE SHOW MUST GO ON THE SHOW MUST GO ON THE SHOW MUST GO ON THE SHOW MUST GO ON THE SHOW…

Commander Maxwell and Agent Vance are in the middle of the machinery room. SCP-7907 and instances of SCP-7907-2 emerge from shadowy corners of the room.

[Video & Audio Log, 19:52 hours]

SCP-7907: I ought to thank you, Max, for your very funny friends. [gestures towards the three now-possessed MTF agents, who are laughing hysterically] One did standup for four years, and another took a comedy course in college. Such delicious memories…

Commander Maxwell fires several shots at SCP-7907. No effect.

SCP-7907: What a terrible performance! Let me show you how it's really done…

SCP-7907 slices the belly of each agent open, puts its mouth to the wounds, and forces a glowing purple light into each of them. The agents sprint towards the two survivors while laughing hysterically.

Commander Maxwell: Agents, stand down! STAND DOWN! [fires at possessed agents]

SCP-7907: [mirthful laugh] Careful, Max! You wouldn't want to hurt your friends, would you?

Commander Maxwell: [backing away from SCP-7907] What did you do to them?

SCP-7907: Their minds were empty stages after I drained them, so I gave them a little magic to liven them up again.

Several SCP-7907-2 instances can be heard laughing and shouting "Shoot me! Slay me! Release me!" SCP-7907 slowly approaches the two remaining agents, while the sounds of laughter intensify.

Commander Maxwell [shouting]: GRAB MY HAND, SADIE!

Commander Maxwell removes a flashbang from his pockets, making sure Agent Vance can see what it is first, then pulls the pin and drops it on the ground.

SCP-7907: Oh Max, don't you know your weapons can't hurt-

The flashbang detonates. Everyone is blinded except for Commander Maxwell and Agent Vance, who were covering their eyes. They make their way to the backstage prop storage room, which is directly opposite the original entrance.

SCP-7907 [shouting]: Think it's funny to blind your hosts? You haven't heard why █████ ████████████ ████████ ████████████ ███

Commander Maxwell [muttering]: That one made even less sense…

(Excerpt from Liber Mortis, page 569)

"…overwrites a body with the life force of the caster, temporarily preventing death of the target. Extreme caution is advised before using a Palimpsest on the magically corrupted, as… [text missing] …overwrites the host's will… [text missing] …malevolent spirits."

I couldn't save you, Alton. Forgive me.

Commander Maxwell and Agent Vance are sitting on the floor in the backstage prop storage room. The door is barricaded shut with several pieces of furniture. There are no other exits in the room.

[Video & Audio Log, 19:59 hours]

Agent Vance: Maybe we missed something?

Commander Maxwell: No. [sighs] If that creature can move the exit, he can probably remove it too. I should've guessed my luck would run out one of these days…

Commander Maxwell lights a cigarette and offers one to Agent Vance. She declines.

Agent Vance: Luck?

Commander Maxwell: Yeah… luck. I got this job by luck, after bagging a shoplifter who happened to be a shapeshifter as well. When the Foundation brass showed up they were so impressed they offered to take me on as a field agent.

Commander Maxwell chuckles while staring at the ground.

Commander Maxwell: Probably should've said no, but the pay was good. Good enough to support Millie and start a family at least, which was more than I could say about my other options back then. "We've got aliens, demons, monsters, and people that can turn you into lead," they told me, "You think we're gonna give two shits about the color of your skin, Max?"

Commander Maxwell flicks his cigarette onto the floor.

Commander Maxwell: Sorry, kid. I didn't mean to unload on you like that. It's just-

Agent Vance: No, I understand. [pauses] And even if it was luck that got you this job, you've more than earned it with your track record. You're an MTF legend, Max. [rubs back of neck] That's kind of why I volunteered for this mission…

Commander Maxwell: You volunteered?

Agent Vance: Yeah, I mean-

Commander Maxwell: This skip has the highest body count in area-37; why the hell would you volunteer?

Agent Vance [indignantly]: I wanted to save people!

Commander Maxwell [shouting]: And how would volunteering for a suicide mission-

Agent Vance [shouting]: I don't know! I'd keep someone else from being assigned to it at least, and maybe I could've figured something out!

Commander Maxwell [shouting]: So that was the plan? Throw your life away for an agent you've never even met? Why the hell would you be so stupid!

Agent Vance [shouting]: Why? Why? How can you say that after you took Chip's place?

Both agents are silent.

Commander Maxwell [muttering]: You read my file…

Agent Vance: That's why I volunteered for this mission: to work with you. I thought you were the selfless kind of commander who saved people, but I guess I was wrong. [shouting] Shame on me for thinking you were a h-

Commander Maxwell [shouting]: I was never a hero! I was a stupid kid with nothing to lose, and I didn't know a damn thing! All you rookies ever wanna do is be heroic; you know what that means? DO YOU!?!

Agent Vance is silent.

Commander Maxwell [shouting]: Heroes get hurt! Heroes get killed! [sighs] Heroes don't come home to wipe the tears from their kids' faces.

Commander Maxwell's helmet visor retracts. His eyes are watering.

Commander Maxwell: I've been doing this for twenty years, Sadie. Do you know how many hotshots like you have come and gone? [sighs] More than I could ever mourn…

Agent Vance [whispering]: Like mom…

Commander Maxwell: [smiles sadly] Yes. Like your mother. Commander Annie Vance was one of a kind… [frowns] but even her luck ran out. Is that what you want, Sadie? To end up like her?

Agent Vance: That's all I ever wanted… [smiles sadly] It was mom that first got me this job. She was an MTF legend too. First woman to lead a task force on American soil, and she saved thousands of lives. I wanted to follow in her footsteps ever since I was a little girl; I wanted to save as many people as I could.

Commander Maxwell: Annie was the best MTF Commander I ever met. [puts hand on agent Vance's shoulder] My condolences…

Agent Vance: [chuckles] Yeah, she was. [pauses] Mom trained me harder than anyone else, and by the time I was sixteen I had three black belts, extensive firearm training, and knowledge of every MTF procedure in the book. [sighs] But I also had Usher syndrome…

Commander Maxwell: Sadie…

Agent Vance: Type two, late onset. My ears were busted from birth, and my eyes are a ticking time bomb. Most people start losing their sight by the time they turn twenty.

Commander Maxwell: Are you-

Agent Vance: -I'm not going blind just yet, but it's only a matter of time. Sooner or later I'll be too crippled to wear this uniform… [determined look] but before that happens I'm going to save as many people as I can. That's what mom did. That's what it means to be MTF.

Banging can be heard on the barricaded door.

Agent Vance: [stands up] You'll have to save your mourning for another time, Max, [smiles] because I'm not going anywhere.

(Excerpt from the San Fransisco Chronicle, 07/02/1905)

"…includes human cannonballs, fire-breathing, acrobatics, and the eponymous laughs for all in San Fransisco. When asked about his motivation for opening 'Langmeyer's Laugh Emporium,' co-founder Alton said,

'I've always dreamed of bringing joy and laughter to others, ever since Will and I spent our childhoods gaping at the traveling circus shows. I wouldn't be here without my older brother Will, to tell you the truth. He's my true inspiration.'

Tickets open next Saturday at…"

Approximately two minutes later the barricaded door is torn from its hinges, and all accompanying furniture collapses with it on the opposite wall of the room. SCP-7907 and its entourage enter.

[Video & Audio Log, 20:12 hours]

SCP-7907: Thought you could slip away, did you? You ought to know better by now, Max. How about another j-

Agent Vance: Stop! One more step, and I'll do it…

Agent Vance is holding a black book in one hand, and Commander Maxwell's lighter in another. The book is covered in a viscous liquid later identified by Agent Vance as paraffin oil.

SCP-7907: Now, now, Ms. Vance. No need to be hasty. I'm unarmed, [entity's arms detach and fall to the ground] see?

Agent Vance: [averting gaze] Show us the exit right now, or the book goes up in flames.

Writhing tendrils erupt from SCP-7907's detached arms and latch back on to the entity. SCP-7907 snaps its reattached fingers, and a door materializes behind the two agents.

SCP-7907: There, just like you asked. Now hand over the-

Agent Vance lights the book on fire. The flames turn purple, and it's pages curl to ash moments later. SCP-7907 begins laughing hysterically.

SCP-7907 [laughing]: Oh, that was good, agent Vance. I'd be upset that you broke your word, but I suppose we're even since I broke mine as well… [the materialized door falls to the ground, revealing a solid wall behind it]

Agent Vance: How… I burned the-

SCP-7907: -Copy. You burned the fake. Misdirection, my dear; it's the magician's oldest trick. Now… [gestures at SCP-7907-2 instances] bring them to me.

SCP-7907-2 instances surround Commander Maxwell and Agent Vance, then drag them before the entity.

Commander Maxwell: It was a good try, Sadie. And for what it's worth, you were the best rookie I ever met.

SCP-7907 grabs Agent Vance by the neck, hoisting her off the ground. Her eyes are shut.

SCP-7907: How about one last joke, for old time's sake? How do you █████ █████ ███████ ████████

Commander Maxwell [shouting]: What does that even mean?

SCP-7907 [indignantly]: [drops Agent Vance] What? Isn't it obvious? [Agent Vance stares at Commander Maxwell] How can you not-

Commander Maxwell: No! None of your jokes make any sense!

SCP-7907 [shouting]: Slander! You wouldn't know a good play on words if it smacked you in the face!

Agent Vance [shouting]: Your jokes are awful!

SCP-7907: [turns towards Agent Vance] What did you say?

Agent Vance: [averting gaze] Your jokes are so bad, even magic can't save them. And your circus act is common trash. Fire breathers, I mean really?

SCP-7907 [shouting]: I was working on a budget!

Agent Vance: All the power in the world, and you can't make a single person laugh. What would Will-

SCP-7907 [screaming]: YOU KEEP MY BROTHER'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FILTHY MOUTH!

SCP-7907 clutches its head and begins convulsing.

Commander Maxwell [shouting]: Sadie, run!

All SCP-7907-2 instances are immobile. Commander Maxwell and Agent Vance run towards the exit to the prop storage room when SCP-7907 addresses them. It's voice is different.

SCP-7907: I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…

The entity is weeping and holding SCP-7907-3 in its hands.

Commander Maxwell: It's the real book!

SCP-7907 approaches the two agents.

Agent Vance: Alton… Is that you?

SCP-7907: [smiles sadly] What's left of me… [pauses] There's not much time; take this book and burn it. That's the only way to banish the spirits controlling me.

Agent Vance: What will happen to you, though?

SCP-7907 [smiling]: I'll pay William a visit. It's been so very long…

The entity extends its hands, presenting SCP-7907-3 to Commander Maxwell and Agent Vance. They reach out to grab it.

SCP-7907 [shouting]: No! It's MINE!

The entity retracts its hands and returns SCP-7907-3 to its coat pocket. All SCP-7907-2 instances become animate and restrain the two agents.

SCP-7907: [chuckles] There's a heckler in every crowd, but you two…

SCP-7907 leers at Agent Vance, whose gaze is focused on Commander Maxwell.

SCP-7907: Perhaps you're right, after all. Perhaps my show isn't suited to these… [gestures around itself] country bumpkin audiences. Perhaps I ought to return to my roots.

SCP-7907 strikes a dramatic pose.

SCP-7907: San Fransisco! It's been so long since I graced your streets and causeways, but with my next visit that will be remedied. All the thousands of people-

Commander Maxwell: [coughing] -Innocent people…

SCP-7907: -Waiting for a good show! I ought to thank you two for inspiring my next performance, but it'd be much more fun to steal your memories instead. All of them…

SCP-7907 grabs Commander Maxwell by the neck, hoisting him off the ground.

Agent Vance: [looking at Commander Maxwell] Don't! Take me instead!

SCP-7907: [eyes glow purple] I will, my dear. Once your friend has been taken care of, that is.

Commander Maxwell tries and fails to escape the entity's grip. His eyes are shut.

SCP-7907: You put on a good show, Mr. Maxwell, but not good enough…

Commander Maxwell: How 'bout an encore?

Commander Maxwell presses a button on the side of his helmet, instantly deploying its reflective visor. SCP-7907 stares directly at its reflection.

SCP-7907: NO! [clutches head] You can't!

Purple vapors emanate from SCP-7907 and are re-absorbed, while the entity begins violently convulsing on the floor. The vapors cover Commander Maxwell for a moment, before SCP-7907 loses its grip and he drops to the floor.

SCP-7907 [screaming]: GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

All SCP-7907-2 instances begin convulsing, at which point Agent Vance escapes their grip and makes her way to SCP-7907. She retrieves SCP-7907-3 from its pocket, douses the book in paraffin oil, and lights it on fire. The entity is engulfed in purple flames at the same time as the book.

SCP-7907 [screaming]: THE SHOW MUST GO ON!

As the entity burns SCP-7907-1 and SCP-7907-2 instances ignite and burn with it, leaving nothing behind but the charred corpses of PoI-3947, other missing persons, and Agents Caughron, Lossfelt, and Wren.

Agent Vance: Show's over.

Commander Maxwell awakens.

Commander Maxwell: [coughs] Sadie, are you alright?

Agent Vance: [chuckles] My therapy bill just skyrocketed, but yeah.

Commander Maxwell: Jokes? Now? Aren't you rookies supposed to be traumatized after shit like this?

Agent Vance: I've been training for MTF since I was a kid, Max. [smiles] And my therapist is the best.

Commander Maxwell: Great, I can save the tissues and Ben & Jerry in that case.10 [pauses] So what happened while I was out?

Agent Vance: You saved us. Without that visor trick I never could've grabbed the book.

Commander Maxwell: [snorts] Guess the equipment was good for something after all.

Agent Vance: And taunting the skip? That was brilliant!

Commander Maxwell: Instinct is what that was. [points at Agent Vance] You're the one who came up with the plan.

Agent Vance: [blushing] Oh, it wasn't that great…

Commander Maxwell: Are you kidding? I never could've stopped that freak without your book idea. [lightly punches Agent Vance's shoulder] I'd say this one was a team effort.

Agent Vance smiles, then looks at Commander Maxwell's face. Her smile vanishes.

Agent Vance: Um, Max? You might wanna look in that visor right about now…

Commander Maxwell: If you say so, Sadie. [puts helmet visor in front of face] Is there something on my- [gasps] MY HAIR!

Commander Maxwell stares at his bald reflection.

Agent Vance: Your face, too. [scratching back of neck] The residue from that spell added a decade or so, if I had to guess.

Commander Maxwell: This is awful!

Agent Vance: It could be worse, Max. [snickers] You could be sporting a comb-over, for instance.

Commander Maxwell glares at Agent Vance.

Commander Maxwell: [sighs] My wife's gonna kill me…

Closing Statement: PoI-3947 and all missing persons were declared deceased, including Agents Caughron, Lossfelt, and Wren. MTF SCRAMBLE helmets were repaired by Foundation researchers and their recorded footage was successfully restored.

Agent Vance was subject to disciplinary hearings for insubordination, though no formal action was taken due to her contributions during the mission and the statements made by Commander Maxwell on her behalf. With no subsequent activity from the entity, the file on SCP-7907 has been classified as "Neutralized."

Interviewer: Site Director Emery Novens

Interviewee: Commander Maxwell

Foreword: Commander Maxwell requested a meeting with Director Novens following the incidents of the prior SCP-7907-A event.

[Written Transcript]

Director Novens: Greetings, Commander Maxwell, and my deepest condolences for the loss of your agents.

Commander Maxwell: They were good men… [pauses] and women.

Director Novens: That they were. [sighs] I must also apologize for the Foundation's oversight.

Commander Maxwell: Oversight?

Director Novens: It seems the late agent Vance wasn't entirely forthcoming about her daughter's physical impairment when filling out the MTF application forms. We sincerely apologize for the inconvenience of working with a crippled-

Commander Maxwell: She's not crippled, Emery. [smiles] She's the best damn rookie I've ever met.

Director Novens: [raises eyebrow] I see. And you believe this in spite of her insubordination?

Commander Maxwell: Yeah. [pauses] I do.

Director Novens: I'll inform the disciplinary board in that case. They'll be happy to hear your testimony, if this young woman really is as exceptional as you say.

Commander Maxwell: There's one other thing…

Director Novens: Yes? Whatever you need, we can take care-

Commander Maxwell hands a sheet of paper to Dr. Novens.

Director Novens: Ah. [pauses] I see…

Commander Maxwell: Millie threw a fit when I came home looking like… [points at face] this, and to be honest I don't blame her. This last mission nearly got me killed, and it took a decade off my life at least.

Director Novens: You can't just-

Commander Maxwell: -Quit? Not without thirty years of service or a special exemption, I know. [points at uniform] I've been wearing this since the 60s, Emery; there's your twenty years. And up here? [points at face] There's the other ten.

Director Novens: The Foundation thanks you for your service… [pauses] and sacrifices. Still, a man of your talents would be wasted working in ordinary society. [places sheet on the table] Your keen mind, selfless spirit, direct demeanor-

Commander Maxwell: Enough with the flattery, Emery. Just get to the point.

Director Novens: [leans forward] A little birdie told me there's a vacant office in site thirty-four…

Commander Maxwell: [grabs sheet from table] What's the position?

Director Novens: Site Direc-

Commander Maxwell rips the sheet in half.

Director Novens [grinning]: I'll tell 'em Director Maxwell's on his way.

Footnotes

1. A neurological condition characterized by outbursts of uncontrollable laughter.

2. William Langmeyer, the brother of Alton Langmeyer and co-founder of "Langmeyer's Laugh Emporium."

3. Additional information on this mission is level 4/7907 classified, and can be found in addendum SCP-7907-2.

4. Liber Mortis, "The Book of Death" (designated SCP-7907-3), which was photographically archived by Dr. Grant.

5. Scribbled annotations can be found at the bottom of the page and are included below.

6. MTF Mu-13 was equipped with experimental SCRAMBLE helmets capable of censoring visual and auditory cognitohazards.

7. An anchor is a corporeal object that connects a spirit to the material plane.

8. The following newspaper clipping was found on the backside of an advertisement for an SCP-7907-A event. Scribbled writing covers the newspaper and is included below.

9. The top of the page reads "A SPELL TO PREVENT DEATH".

10. Though initially interpreted as uncharacteristic sarcasm, Commander Maxwell would later inform Foundation archivists that he often treated PTSD using the aforesaid items.