Item #: SCP-3938

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3938 is to be kept in a standard containment chamber at Site-13. The only furnishing permitted is a singular bike rack. SCP-3938 is to be equipped with a GPS tracking device at all times. Testing is limited to personnel with Level 3 or higher clearance.

Description: SCP-3938 is an animate bicycle. Between the handle bars at the front there is a cartoon face made of plastic. It has a round red nose, large eyes with oval pupils, and blue lips. Both of its wheels have an orange wheel cover with a red circle at the center. The bike seat is designed to resemble a sofa cushion with a backrest, and it has a seat belt that goes over the waist. Beneath the sides of the seat are radio speakers. Furthermore, two vertical antenna are attached to the back wheel, and they terminate in small flags bearing a stylized W. At the back, it has a white metal plate which reads "Dr. Wondertainment's Take-You-Anywhere Machine."

SCP-3938 is sapient and capable of vocalization in English. It has shown to be familiar with other languages, but due to lack of fluency it prefers not to speak them. Without assistance the item is able to stand up on its own, and wander around its vicinity at a slow pace. However, SCP-3938 claims that it can experience exhaustion from moving itself for prolong periods of time.

SCP-3938 exhibits extensive knowledge concerning geography and various landmarks. Whenever possible it will attempt to discuss them with personnel. It has stated that it is part of its intended purpose as an educational product.

When ridden by a human, SCP-3938 is capable of traveling up to ██ km per hour. Regardless of speed, it will sometimes leave a trail of flames, playing the songs "Speed Demon" by Michael Jackson or "Bat Out Of Hell" by Meat Loaf on its radio speakers.1 It is also capable of flight via unknown means, which it only performs to go over obstacles2 or at the request of the subject. During the ride, SCP-3938 will ask the rider if they have a specific location they desire to visit. When a location is given, SCP-3938 will take the subject to the specified location via flight or land; however, SCP-3938 will sometimes refuse and provide a reason in regards to certain locations. For example, requesting anywhere on the surface of the Moon results in SCP-3938 informing the user that a space suit is required. Upon reaching the designated location, SCP-3938 will provide a tour around the area. It may also provide suggestions.

SCP-3938 came in a large cardboard box. The box displayed images of SCP-3938 with a price of $35.99 (US) listed at the corner. It also has the caption "Paradox free!" The following is a description located on the box:

Oh, the places you'll go with Dr. Wondertainment's Take-You-Anywhere Machine!

Now you can go visit and learn of fun places old and far. You no longer have to see the world only in a book so go to any place! Wherever. Whenever. The past, present, or future! You can fly there or go on good old land! Wow!

Just be sure to wear a helmet, boys and girls, and don't feed the Dinosaurs!

For any questions, please contact Wondertainment Customer Service at 1-800-█████-████.3

From the description, it is assumed that SCP-3938 could perform time travel, although there has been no evidence proving that it can do so. See addenda.

SCP-3938 was recovered on 12/10/06 from an auction of Marshal, Carter and Dark Ltd. by Mobile Task Force Mu-3 ("Highest Bidders").

Addendum 01: The following transcript is an interview with SCP-3938.

Interviewed: SCP-3938

Interviewer: Dr. Rodriguez

<Begin Log>

SCP-3938: Hey there! How's your day been so far? Would you like to have a ride on me?

Dr. Rodriguez: No thanks, 3938. I just have some questions for you.

SCP-3938: Questions are a good thing. It helps us to learn. What would you like to know?

Dr. Rodriguez: Well, do you have any features we are unaware of?

SCP-3938: That's a bit silly, but I don't think so.

Dr. Rodriguez: Are you sure? Wondertainment products usually have an array of features.

SCP-3938: Hmm. Maybe I can go to any place in time, but I could be wrong though. Does it say so on my box?

Dr. Rodriguez: Well…

[Through an ear piece Dr. Rodriguez is instructed to deny SCP-3938's question.]

Dr. Rodriguez: No. There is no mention of it on the box.

SCP-3938: Really? That's… odd. I feel like I could, but if the box says otherwise then okay. Who am I to argue with it? Still, I can't shake the feeling that I did have that feature.

Dr. Rodriguez: How so?

SCP-3938: For some reason, I think I remember seeing a dinosaur once. Oh well! Likely just a random error in memory. It can happen to anyone these days. [Laughs]

Dr. Rodriguez: Right. I believe we are done for today. Thank you for your cooperation, 3938.

SCP-3938: You're welcome. Before you go, are you sure you don't want a ride?

<End Log>

Addendum 02: The following documents were retrieved from the offices of Marshall, Carter and Dark Ltd. before and after acquisition of SCP-3938. The external report section of MC&D documents has been removed for redundancy.

+ Access Document

- Close

DW334/WD6Y6/F3G7H

Status
Selling

Demand
Medium

Value
TBD

Availability
Unique

Identifier
Original Dr. Wondertainment's Take-You-Anywhere Machine

Description
A sentient, animate bicycle with capabilities of instant transportation. Item is colorful and has a cartoon face at the front. It is intended to be educational.

Marshall, Carter and Dark Ltd.

Initial Report

Author
Lucas Monaco
Date
10/18/2006

Interest
Medium
Identifier
Original Dr. Wondertainment's Take-You-Anywhere Machine

Item was acquired from an associate of Dr. Wondertainment during a mass recall of the product. Dr. Wondertainment has yet to rerelease the product, and it is unknown why the mass recall took place. Associate speculates it is either an error in manufacturing, likely in regards to the feature of supposed time travel implied on the product description of the box that is nonexistent. Due to this, the item has been deemed valuable to auction off as a vintage item.

File Opened Under
DW334/WD6Y6/F3G7H

Marshall, Carter and Dark Ltd.

Memo 1

DW334/WD6Y6/F3G7H

Sender
Alexander Beltman
Recipient
Lucas Monaco

A Wondertainment recall agent came by today. It asked questions about the Take-You-Anywhere Machine though I don't think it knows we have it. It pretty much said if someone is trying to sell one to us then to report it. Of course, I said okay and it left. Also, we lost contact with the associate. I don't know, Lucas. Wondertainment could be on to us. What if it shows up again?

Marshall, Carter and Dark Ltd.

Memo 2

DW334/WD6Y6/F3G7H

Sender
Lucas Monaco
Recipient
Alexander Beltman

If it shows up again, just deny any questions. After the upcoming Christmas auction we will no longer have it in our possession. As for the associate, I wouldn't be too concerned about them.

Marshall, Carter and Dark Ltd.

Note: The following memos were retrieved after acquisition of SCP-3938 by MTF Mu-3.

Memo 3

DW334/WD6Y6/F3G7H

Sender
Alexander Beltman
Recipient
Lucas Monaco

Lucas, respond quick because a Wondertainment representative is on the line. They believe we may know the location of the item as we do with other items not in our possession. To clarify, they don't think we have it but think we might know someone who does. What do I tell them?

Marshall, Carter and Dark Ltd.

Memo 4

DW334/WD6Y6/F3G7H

Sender
Lucas Monaco
Recipient
Alexander Beltman

Alright, I just spoke with the tracking team. They are unsure where it is, but we suspect that it is most likely in Foundation custody. That's what usually happens. Anyway, have Wondertainment pester them.

Marshall, Carter and Dark Ltd.

Addendum 03: [LEVEL 4 CLEARANCE REQUIRED]

+ Insert Credentials

- ACCESS GRANTED

The following note was found in the mail room of Site-13.

To the SCP Foundation,

I've recently became aware that you are all in possession of a defective product, the Take-You-Anywhere Machine. The product has developed multiple problems, but the main concern is in regards to its removed feature of time travel. It is unable to perform said function, and not suppose to have any memory of it. Our packaging department forgot to also change the box. On top of that, it has some residue left from the mechanisms which ran the time travel feature.

For your safety, please ensure that no harm comes to this product or else it will explode. Of course, knowing the way you are, I know you won't let any harm come its way. As I was informed by my PR department, please keep this information private to prevent unease. It's not good for business, they say.

We will soon send our recall agent to retrieve the product. At the moment, he is being put back together after he blew up with another Take-You-Anywhere Machine during transit. It was a very unfortunate mishap.

In the meantime please be careful, dear collectors. Keep the bicycle calm and happy. It's best not to hurt its feelings with such unfortunate news.

Sincerely,

Dr. Wondertainment and associates

Footnotes

1. An investigation revealed no direct affiliation with Dr. Wondertainment to Michael Jackson, Meat Loaf, and associated producers.

2. Examples include buildings, large bodies of water, and rocky terrain.

3. Contacting the number provided plays an automated message of a woman's voice that states, "Sorry, Wondertainment is not yet associated with this number. Please contact customer service for when customer service services launch."