SCP-7099 — A-Net: Radio Made Fun!™

"Thanks for tuning in on such a wonderful evening. And Jessica, remember to feed your cat! You've been listening to A-Net, where we make radio fun!"

DrApricus & Voiiiii

More works by DrApricus can be found here!

More works by Voiiiii can be found here!

Item#: 7099

Containment Class: keter

Secondary Class: none

Disruption Class: amida

Risk Class: nus

Special Containment Procedures: All transmissions of SCP-7099 must be taken down as soon as feasibly possible. Given the elusive nature of the anomaly, direct containment of SCP-7099 has been deemed impossible, and containment efforts are focused on taking down broadcasts transmitting SCP-7099 as soon as possible.

Foundation web crawlers must be active on all streaming platforms set to locate and take down SCP-7099 broadcasts in accordance with Protocol P-Rho-3308. These web crawlers are to be launched four times a day Monday through Friday in conjunction with SCP-7099 active hours. Foundation digital surveillance agents must be on the lookout for any referencing to SCP-7099 on chat forums, video sharing services, and news outlets.

Any civilians exposed to SCP-7099 are to be located and administered Class-B amnestics. Containment efforts also encompass research into SCP-7099 including the tracking of its source. As of yet, investigations to locate the source have been unsuccessful.

Promotional material for SCP-7099.

Description: SCP-7099 is a music-based broadcasting station operating under the title "A-Net" appearing on various radio services. SCP-7099 primarily targets services found in the United States, Canada, and the United Kingdom, but it has been shown to manifest in countries with a high percentage of English speakers, such as Ireland and Monaco.

Each day, SCP-7099 has a chance of appearing on a radio service at 0600 local time before disappearing from the service in question at 1200. During this time, the station is hosted by an individual vocally identical to radio host Ryan Seacrest, further denoted as SCP-7099-A.1

On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, an additional event will occur from 1700 to 2100 local time, advertised as "A-Net: Night." Extensive monitoring shows nighttime broadcasts have significantly more interaction-focused schedules than broadcasts taking place in the morning.

The majority of music broadcasts by SCP-7099 are non-anomalous, typically playing popular songs at the time of airing. Alongside this, SCP-7099 is known to broadcast a variety of anomalous songs, with a majority of these songs losing their anomalous attributes outside of its live airing. SCP-7099 is also known to broadcast several anomalous songs currently in possession by the Foundation including SCP-4930 and SCP-6249. How SCP-7099 accomplishes this is unknown.

Addendum 1: An excerpt from an SCP-7099 broadcast of a call-in event can be found below. The event was the first instance in which the host of SCP-7099 demonstrated the ability to leave its alleged studio.

(The song Sixteen Tons concludes. As the song fades in pitch, the hosts can be heard quietly bickering before abruptly stopping.)

SCP-7099-A: And that was Sixteen Tons by Tennessee Ernie Ford. I'd like to take a moment to thank the lovely folks over at A-Net Studio for putting such a fun twist on a beloved classic! Now, while you all rest your backs, we have a fun contest for those listening in!

(A sudden scream is heard in the background, briefly occupying SCP-7099-A's attention.)

SCP-7099-A: All you need for this brief contest is a phone, and a little bit of knowledge! We'll be asking you the audience a question. Yes, you! Just call-

(A long pause follows suit.)

SCP-7099-A: First question: What was the name of Henry the Eighth’s first wife?

(Roughly thirty seconds pass before a phone is heard ringing. An exaggerated beep is audible as SCP-7099-A answers the phone. The voice on the other end has been identified as 32-year-old Manny Donaldson.)

Donaldson: Catherine of Aragon!

SCP-7099-A: Correct! What's your name, sport?

Donaldson: Manny. Manny Donaldson.

SCP-7099-A: Amazing job, Donaldson! If you can answer four more questions in a row, you'll win a special prize! How's that sound?

Donaldson: Wait really? Alright, sure!

SCP-7099-A: Second question, and remember, no cheating: When is World Literacy Day celebrated?

Donaldson: Oh, (pause) damn. That's a tough one. September 7th? No! September 8th!

SCP-7099-A: Are you sure?

(SCP-7099-A pauses.)

SCP-7099-A: Because that's correct!

Donalson: Yes!

SCP-7099-A: You're on a roll, my friend! Third question, where is the original Starry Night by Van Gogh located?

Donaldson: This one's easy! The Museum of Modern Art, right? Located in New York.

SCP-7099-A: You're dead on! And you're absolutely killing it! Well, not yet.

(SCP-7099-A pauses.)

SCP-7099-A: Fourth and second-to-last question: What television show in the 90s, taking place in your hometown of San Francisco, was Dave Coulier most known for?

Donaldson: That'd have to be (long pause) Full House, if I remember correctly. But wait, how did you know my hometown was—

SCP-7099-A: You're correct!

Donaldson: No, wait a second—

SCP-7099-A: Onto the final question, this one is for all the marbles, and the only thing standing between you and the prize! Here's the question: what color is the vase on the windowsill of your grandmother's bedroom?

Donaldson: Wait what-? How would you even know that? I don't even know! What are you-

SCP-7099-A: We were there last night, while she was sleeping of course. Lovely house, truly. Anyways, we're getting sidetracked. Manny, do you have an answer?

Donaldson: Hold on! What do you mean!? How did you know my hometown-

SCP-7099-A: Please please now! Stick to the questions sport! C'mon, give it a guess!

Donaldson: Blue! Whatever I don't know! Now, what are you-

(SCP-7099-A makes a loud buzzing sound.)

SCP-7099-A: Wrong. The answer we were looking for was… orange! We would've also accepted tan and brown as answers. Since you got this question wrong, you will not be getting the coveted prize of 342 marbles. Sorry.

Donaldson: Now wait just a second—

(A clicking sound can be heard, signifying the call being ended.)

SCP-7099-A: Thanks for tuning in folks! Up next, we'll be joined by Rolling Heads— I mean, the Rolling Stones' former manager, Andrew Oldham, after this brief intermission.

After the incident occurred, Foundation staff were able to call the number mentioned and hold up the line until SCP-7099 demanifested at 1200. The phone number would immediately redirect to the Bellco Credit Union's customer support line.

Manny Donaldson has since been administered amnestics, and the disappearance of 89-year-old Roselyn Donaldson has been tipped off to local police under the pretenses of a kidnapping.

The following Saturday, on 03/12/06, SCP-7099 hosted a broadcast deviating from typical broadcast schedules. A transcript from the occurrence has been included below

(Novocaine by Fall Out Boy fades out as SCP-7099-A begins to speak.)

SCP-7099-A: Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to A-Net: Night, I’m Ryan Seacrest, and today marks the ten-year anniversary of A-Net! Today and tomorrow, we’ll be answering some of your questions! All you have to do is write your question on a piece of paper and throw it into a fire nearby. Our call-in system isn’t working too well, so we’re using the tried-and-true method we use down in the land down under! And I don't mean Australia! (SCP-7099-A laughs and begins to speak quietly) Although they do seem pretty similar at times.

(There is a brief pause.)

SCP-7099-A: Oh! It looks like we have our first question! (Clearing throat) “What are your favorite songs? From, Tom.” Thank you for the question, Tom! Nice to see our folks at A-Net: Night have sewn your hands back on. I’ve got to go with All Too Well! Taylor’s Version, of course. We’ve got another question! “Certificate of Marri—“ oh, this isn’t a question… uhm— moving on!

(The shuffling of papers can be heard.)

SCP-7099-A: We'll take one more question, and here it is. “What are you doing?” There’s no name but there are quite a few words I am not allowed to say on live radio!

(SCP-7099-A clears his throat, pausing for a bit of time.)

SCP-7099-A: We're just making radio fun again! And Paula, we don’t need your name to know who you are.

(There is a twelve-second period of silence from SCP-7099-A, accompanied by distortion increasing in intensity. The distortion cut out after SCP-7099-A began talking.)

SCP-7099-A: That wraps up this quick Q-and-A, we'll be back tomorrow, answering more questions! Now, we deeply appreciate all of our fans. So, for all of your support, we're going to leave each one of this morning's listeners with a special, surprise gift! It should arrive in about a day. Don't worry, folks, we'll cover the shipping! Oh, and it's not marbles this time! We ran out pretty quickly.

(An applause track plays, slowly fading out.)

Roughly 36 hours after the conclusion of the broadcast, hospital, and 911-lines across the continental United States and Ontario, Canada was swarmed with reports of people expelling mounds of locusts from their nostrils and mouth. An investigation has found that these individuals were the hosts of upwards of seventy fully grown locusts present throughout the digestive tract.

In the vast number of cases and complications that arose during dissection, the majority of victims could not have the locusts removed by medical teams, as such, the locusts had to be removed naturally either through vomiting or bowel excretion.

Mobile Task Force Delta-99 ("Late Night Audience") was assigned to SCP-7099 following this incident and the first use of Protocol P-Rho-3308 was instituted within the coming days.

Following the enactment of Protocol P-Rho-3308; SCP-7099 would go on to leak several classified documents from Foundation Database. The nature of these documents included the personal information of several high-ranking members of staff. Alongside this, the locations of several MTFs, Foundation Sites, and Areas were broadcast by SCP-7099.

In wake of this, numerous assaults by the Chaos Insurgency took place across North America which have resulted in the deaths of over ███ members of Foundation staff alongside the complete destruction of Site-182.

Addendum 2: At 8:30 PM, 17/04/2007, four agents inoculated against SCP-7099 occupied an unmarked Foundation van behind an energy station in Crystal Lake, Illinois. Agents Connan and Apricus sit in the back and conduct Protocol P-Rho-3308. Agents Walker and Rosesmall sit in the driver and passenger seats and monitor the station's activity. The following transcript is of the audio recorded on Agent Apricus' body camera.

(Smokin’ by Boston fades out, and SCP-7099-A sighs relaxingly.)

SCP-7099-A: And that was a classic from Boston, hope you don’t get a nicotine addiction from that! (Laughs briefly) You will. (Long pause) Anyways, let’s do some call-ins! You can reach us by picking up your closest phone and that’s it! We’ll pick one caller to talk to, so you better be fast!

(Foundation telecom jammers were powered on from the vehicle in an attempt to intercept any civilian calls. Coinciding with this, agent Rosenfeld's phone begins to ring.)

SCP-7099-A: Looks like we’ve got one from the D-to-the-C-to-the-A!

(A brief click can be heard, and Rosenfeld’s phone connects to a call, despite him not making any further action.)

SCP-7099-A: Hello Joshua! How are you doing on this fine afternoon?

(Rosenfeld attempts to disconnect from the call, but appears unable to and ultimately lies the phone on the armrest.

Rosenfeld: How do you know my name?

SCP-7099-A: (Cackles) That should be the last of your worries, bud. Let’s talk about your work, shall we? The Department of Crisis Assessment is such a fancy name! For our viewers that are unaware, the Department of Crisis Assessment is a department in the SCP Foundation.

(A muffled booing can be heard.)

SCP-7099-A: That’s right, Tom! (Pause) You know, you're a bit of a downer, trying to stop us from (tone becomes cartoonishly cheerful) Making Radio Fun! How's that going anyways? I'm confused why you're so determined to take us down. Mind commenting?

Rosenfeld: We are not determined to take you down, we are simply attempting to contain your broadcasts.

SCP-7099-A: And take us away from the people? Goodness me, what about democracy!

(SCP-7099-A makes an exaggerated exhale.)

Rosenfeld: Please, can we just—

SCP-7099-A: I really expected more sensibility from a hotshot agent like you. Ugh, but I guess you're all just the same decrepit oppressors.

Rosenfeld: What is your perception of the Foundation? An offensive tyrant?

SCP-7099-A: (Chuckling) Yes, of course. Your organization wouldn't even be able to operate without sucking off half the judicial bodies in the world.

Rosenfeld: I surely don't know what you mean. I would appreciate civility.

SCP-7099-A: Boring!

Rosenfeld: I’m sure you’re aware the harm your songs are causing.

SCP-7099-A: Sounds like someone doesn’t know how to have fun!

Rosenfeld: I beg your pardon? So, you're saying—

(SCP-7099-A interrupts Rosenfeld with a loud, sarcastic mocking sound. Eventually, he stops and laughs briefly.)

SCP-7099-A: Listen, man. You fascists might not appreciate what we're doing here, but the people love us! We're just trying to entertain the humans. Besides, no one is innocent. Isn't that right, Tom?

(Incomprehensible muffled talking can be heard for several seconds.)

SCP-7099-A: Exactly! So, Joshua, why are you so adamant about stopping people from talking about A-Net: Night online? Even I am sensible enough to respect people's preferences in media.

(Police sirens can be heard, before ending abruptly.)

SCP-7099-A: (Laughs) That’s our new sound guy! He’s already got the hang of it! Alright, where were we? Oh right, censorship.

Rosenfeld: We can't have people openly discussing an anomaly on the internet. You are an anomaly.

SCP-7099-A: (Tone becomes slightly agitated) I really don't follow. If you don't find our content funny, so be it. That doesn't justify shutting us down and silencing the fans.

Rosenfeld: You don't honestly think you're being funny, do you?

SCP-7099-A: Comedy is subjective. I was told the overworld is all about expressing yourself.

Rosenfeld: At the very least, can you acknowledge the destruction you cause? I honestly can’t tell if you are aware or not.

(SCP-7099-A takes a long breath and remains quiet for ten seconds. Rosenfeld can be heard sinking in his seat.)

SCP-7099-A: (Coldly) Are you done?

(Rosenfeld doesn't respond and SCP-7099-A clears his throat.)

SCP-7099-A: (Voice becomes cheery again) I think we should wrap up this interview. What did you want, again? Something about questions.

Rosenfeld: Yes, I have some questions to ask you.

SCP-7099-A: Well, you’ve got ten seconds, so get to it.

Rosenfeld: Ten seconds? Fuck.

SCP-7099-A: And we’re going to have to cut you off right there! Can’t have our guests getting our show canceled! How rude, honestly.

Rosenfeld: Wait—

(Rosenfeld was cut off, followed by the sound of the phone disconnecting from the call.)

SCP-7099-A: Sorry about that, folks! It won’t happen again. I can assure you that.

(A faint snipping sound is heard.)

SCP-7099-A: That’s all for now! Thanks for tuning in on such a wonderful evening. And Jessica, remember to feed your cat! You've been listening to A-Net, where we make radio fun! A-Net: Night will be back on Friday!

Photograph of Rosenfeld's X-Ray following the incident. Where the larynx should be is circled in red.

When the call ended, Rosenfeld's tongue instantly disappeared, as well as his larynx, rendering him mute. Despite this, no bleeding or other damages were discovered during a medical analysis. In the coming days, several long, salivating pieces of flesh would emerge from seemingly random points in Rosenfeld's skin. Further research into this occurrence is ongoing.

Attempts to trace SCP-7099's phone number to a location ultimately failed, with data appearing corrupted and even absent in multiple areas. It is unknown if this is due to the location of the call or corruption of documentation after the incident.

SCP-7099's containment class was upgraded from Euclid to Keter, expressing the ability to affect individuals without any sort of physical contact. Additionally, the anomaly's risk class has been changed to Nus.2

Addendum 3: Ryan Seacrest was quickly taken into Foundation custody following the events of the previous addendum. Personnel believed doing so would cause SCP-7099-A to be absent or for the broadcast to be delayed. However, another broadcast occurred as scheduled, an excerpt from which can be found below.

SCP-7099-A: Hey, we got a lot of folks just tuning in, I know traffic on the East Coast is especially annoying right now. Isn't that right, Tom?

(The sound of muffled yelling can be heard in the background. SCP-7099-A chuckles.)

SCP-7099-A: Oh Tom. Anyhoo, to those just tuning in, I'm Ryan Seacrest. You're listening to A-Net: Night, the only broadcast on your car's radio that cares about you, the listener. That's right, you! You specifically!

(SCP-7099-A can be heard rising from his chair and walking away, after several seconds, he can be heard returning. A chair rolling closer can be heard, before abruptly halting. SCP-7099-A slowly lowers into his seat.)

SCP-7099-A: Now, before we start playing some tunes, we have a special interview for all of you! Please welcome…

(SCP-7099-A pauses, making a drumroll sound on the table for several seconds.)

SCP-7099-A: Researcher Ted Wozzeck of the SCP Foundation!

(The sound of ripping tape can be heard, followed by Wozzeck gasping.)

Wozzeck: Where the fuck am I?

SCP-7099-A: You're on A-Net! Where we make radio fun! Also, since we are on air, please refrain from profanities!

Wozzeck: What the- what do- what do you want?

(Wozzeck can be heard struggling, accompanied by a chair rolling around.)

SCP-7099-A: Hey, now! Don't try getting up, we didn't bring you here for nothing, after all. Teddy, can you tell us about recent developments in the SCP Foundation's administrative branch?

(Wozzeck stutters, ultimately not giving an answer.)

SCP-7099-A: Because I've been told a recent containment breach left tons of high-ranking staff dead!

(SCP-7099-A makes an exaggerated gasping sound.)

SCP-7099-A: Well, boy-oh-boy is that troubling, huh? Wanna tell us more about that?

Wozzeck: I have no clue what you're talking about. We haven't gotten any statement regarding the breach. We don't know shit.

SCP-7099-A: Tsk, tsk. The staff never gives any of you lowly ranks any information. Quite sad. Wouldn't it be a shame if a hostile group abused your organization's weakness to take some anomalies for themselves?

(Wozzeck is unresponsive.)

SCP-7099-A: I mean, how do you work a 9 to 5 in such horrible conditions? I haven't heard of such torture since that story about Disney's working conditions came out.

Wozzeck: We don't work in horrible conditions.

SCP-7099-A: Really? You're safe at work, you say?

(Wozzeck is unresponsive.)

SCP-7099-A: You know, I don't really appreciate this silence; its not great for the folks at home.

(Tape can be heard being ripped, followed by the sound of a chair rolling away.)

SCP-7099-A: Our second and final guest before we get onto the tunes, SCP-6551! Straight from Biological Research Area-12! Welcome, SCP-6551!

(A recording of the song Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star can be heard playing for a few seconds.)

SCP-7099-A: So glad to have you here! I only have a few questions, I know you have a very busy schedule.

(Rock-a-by Baby can be heard playing for a second.)

SCP-7099-A: Tell me about it! (Laughs briefly) Anyways, we just had a brief discussion with another guest about the work conditions at the SCP Foundations, do you have anything to add?

(Rock-a-by Baby plays again for another few seconds, continuing where it paused.)

SCP-7099-A: Really? And how would you describe the way they treat you?

(Baa Baa Black Sheep can be heard playing for an extended amount of time.)

SCP-7099-A: Well, that's just awful! Have you tried unionizing with the other anomalies at Area-12?

(Rock-a-by Baby plays again for a second.)

SCP-7099-A: You know, you should try forming a union sometime, really stick it to those fascists! Don't you agree, Tom? Tom?

(Silence for several seconds.)

SCP-7099-A: Tom, are you in a trance or something? (pause) Oh right. Shoo, SCP-6551, shoo!

(A flap of wings can be heard for a moment.)

SCP-7099-A: Well, that concludes our interview portion! How insightful! That's all from me for now, I'll be back after our 30-minute Coming-Home-From-Work playlist! Up first, The Screams Of The Damned, straight from the pits of hell!

(An ensemble of screaming can be heard, with SCP-7099-A's voice being barely audible.)

SCP-7099-A: Thanks for choosing A-Net! Where we make radio fun!

SCP-6551 disappeared from its containment chamber briefly before its appearance on SCP-7099, reappearing approximately thirty minutes later. Dr. Wozzeck has been administered amnestics due to significant mental trauma gained from the experience.

To date, all attempts to trace SCP-7099 through IP addresses have failed. The IP addresses located have returned standard, non-anomalous hardware at seemingly random locations across the globe.

After the incident, the following email was received by Dr. Wozzeck tracing back to a terminal at Site-19.

From: ten.a|lsvtmtena#ten.a|lsvtmtena

To: ten.pics|etkcezzow#ten.pics|etkcezzow

Subject: Thank You For Making Radio Fun!

We, here at A-Net, found your presence on last night's broadcast immensely enjoyable and we'd love to have you over again some time. We know you're unable to message external e-mail addresses on your scip.net account, so be sure to reach us on your personal e-mail.

See you soon!

Kindest regards,

David

P.S: We sincerely apologize for restraining you to your chair for the interview. We'd hate for you to feel the need to call for help.

In addition, a nearly identical e-mail was also sent to the SCP Foundation master e-mail addressed to SCP-6551. Moving forward, all e-mails from @a.net addresses will immediately forward to the Department of Crisis Assessment's master e-mail.

Addendum 4: Found below is an excerpt from an SCP-7099 broadcast at 8:45 PM on 07/09/2007, at which point the funding for the investigation into the anomaly was nearing expiration.

SCP-7099-A: Thank you all for tuning in to A-Net: Night! We don’t have any songs to play for you guys right now—

(A muffled boo can be heard in the background.)

SCP-7099-A: Because we have something much better! Don't you worry, Tom! We have a personal interview with five of the SCP Foundation's top agents, two of which are a part of the lovely Department of Crisis Assessment! Ladies and gentlemen, give a warm welcome to Harry Rama, Jane Starr, Jefferson Walker, Mary Linde, and Asher Frank!

(Canned applause plays.)

Starr: What? Where am I?

(Walker begins to talk, interrupted by a short high-pitched tone, likely a censoring sound effect.)

SCP-7099-A: Woah, Jefferson! Mind your language! We don’t want you to end up like Joshua, do we? We haven't even started! (chuckle)

Frank: Harry? Jane? Jeff? How did we all get here?

(Over the course of several seconds, the sound of tape being ripped can be heard a few times, presumably being removed from the agents' mouths.)

Linde: I- I don’t know.

SCP-7099-A: Welcome to A-Net: Night! Anything you want to say to the people listening at home?

Starr: What do you want? Planning to gut us like damn fish?

SCP-7099-A: Woah! Relax! You all agreed to come on here!

Starr: The hell we did! You're full of crap.

(The sound of paper ruffling can be heard.)

SCP-7099-A: I have the papers right here, all with your signatures.

Starr: Give me that—

SCP-7099-A: And that clears that up. (pause) You've been pretty quiet, Rama.

Rama: Just tell us what you want.

SCP-7099-A: Hey, again, you all agreed to come onto the show. We're just going to have a nice chat.

Starr: You want to chat? Let's chat. To start: Who are you? Because I know for a damn fact you are not Ryan Seacrest.

SCP-7099-A: (chuckles) Of course not. I'm only wearing his skin and talking with his voice.

Starr: We actively have Ryan Seacrest in custody.

SCP-7099-A: Well, that doesn't seem in character for you Foundation folks. (pause) I'm joking of course, it's very like you!

(A laugh track can be heard.)

SCP-7099-A: Let's talk about you for a second, Jane. Working for the Foundation for seven years must've taken a toll on you. I can't imagine that's the best job in the world, especially considering they don't really give you a choice.

Starr: I enjoy my job.

SCP-7099-A: See, I don't buy that. So, I had my team do some homework, and right here is your adoption application, just a month before your recruitment at the Foundation.

(The sound of a drawer opening can be heard.)

SCP-7099-A: Let's give it a read shall we? (clears throat) "For the longest time, I haven't been able to bear a—"

Starr: Okay! Stop! What the hell do you want?

SCP-7099-A: Ugh. I already told you, we're just having a chat. Why aren't you more relaxed?

Starr: Oh, hmm. I don't know. Maybe because you tied us up!

SCP-7099-A: (chuckles) Fair point.

(A laugh track plays once more.)

Starr: Soon you won’t be able to broadcast anymore. Our trackers are sending pings to Foundation headquarters as we speak! Operatives will be here any minute now!

SCP-7099-A: Yada, yada, tracker this, ping that. Jane, you don't have the best voice, so will you stop talking? Thanks… and our producers would prefer it if you didn't try to grab your gun from your pocket.

(The sound of metal hitting the floor can be heard.)

Starr: Damnit!

SCP-7099-A: Anyways, how are all of your days going?

Rama: We aren’t telling you anything.

SCP-7099-A: You won't even tell me how your day is going? Why? If I remember correctly, you come from a family of researchers, Harry. How is that going?

Frank: Huh?

(Rama doesn't respond.)

Linde: (Short, staccato tone) What. Do. You. Want?

SCP-7099-A: I'm starting to feel like a broken record. Are you deaf or something? (chuckle)

(SCP-7099-A can be heard grunting and a pistol is cocked)

SCP-7099-A: Oh, this is a very nice gun, what kind of model is it?

( After a few seconds the gun can be heard firing, followed by a thumping sound.

SCP-7099-A: Whoops. There goes Jane, I guess.

Frank: What the—

(Two of the agents let out an immediate scream. A censoring sound effect can be heard intermittently.)

SCP-7099-A: All of you, simmer down. Please, it was just an honest mistake. Talk about a tough crowd! Not literally of course; Jane went down pretty easily. (Chuckle)

(SCP-7099-A pauses, and there is complete silence for several seconds.)

SCP-7099-A: Tough crowd. What is it with you people? Sheesh.

Rama: You— you killed her. (voice rises)

(The broadcast becomes silent.)

SCP-7099-A: Okay, okay. You guys didn't think that was funny, it was an accident. Let's just move on.

Rama: Move on? Are you kidding?

Linde: Please, just— There's nothing we can do.

SCP-7099-A: (chuckles) There sure isn't. Now, with that minor discrepancy behind us, let's move on to our next portion of the show!

Linde: Are you serious?

SCP-7099-A: Have I ever been? We haven't even had any fun yet!

Linde: Fun? I beg your pardon!

(The sound of an object being dropped on the table can be heard.)

SCP-7099-A: It's funny you're so vocal since this first activity… is about you! Yes, you!

Linde: What do you want with me? What ab—

SCP-7099-A: I'm going to stop you right there, sweetheart.

(The object on the table can be heard opening. SCP-7099-A presumably reaches in and pulls out an object.)

Frank: Holy— Is that a—

SCP-7099-A: Were you going to say a heart? You'd be correct! Unfortunately, this isn't the right show for calling out answers.

Linde: Whose heart is that? Did you take out one of our hearts?

SCP-7099-A: What? No, of course not. Why would I kill two people in a row? There's no excitement to that, you need to spread them out. (chuckles)

Frank: Linde, what is this thing talking about?

Linde: I have no idea where this is going. Whose heart is that? Who did you kill? Was Starr not enough?

SCP-7099-A: No, Mary. I didn't kill anyone this time, you did.

(A canned crowd gasping sound can be heard.)

Linde: What are you talking about?

SCP-7099-A: December 9th, 2005. Ring a bell? It's about nine at night and you're in the Mediterranean with fourteen other agents. Eight of which would account for Sigma-4, often regarded as the best MTF in the region, might I add!

Linde: Wait just a minute—

SCP-7099-A: It's a containment operation, an anomaly breached a site just a few kilometers up north and it's headed in your direction. The only other person in your vicinity is an agent from the same training program as you.

Linde: No, how do you—

SCP-7099-A: What was his name, Mary?

(Linde does not respond.)

SCP-7099-A: C'mon, Mary. The people at home are at the edges of their seats.

Linde: (hesitates) Thomas Cromwell.

(SCP-7099-A audibly gasps. The sound of the heart, presumably in a bag, is tossed.)

SCP-7099-A: You keep that as a souvenir of our lovely time here on A-Net: Night! Also, that thing was stinking up Tom's room and he wanted it out.

Rama: Commander Linde, ma'am.

(Linde does not respond to Rama.)

Rama: What happened to Cromwell? You said he was lost in the river.

SCP-7099-A: Oh, did you now, Mary? Boy-oh-boy, maybe you should be hosting this show!

Linde: That was a lie, Harry. I— jabbed him with my knife (long pause) so he would be fed on.

Frank: You sacrificed him to save your own a—

SCP-7099-A: Nuh-uh! Can't say that or else there might be another "accident."

Frank: Your own— life?

Linde: Yes, yes I did.

Rama: Don't think for a second that this won't get out. I just—

Frank: Congratulations, bud. You finally broke Harry, are you happy? Are you satisfied?

SCP-7099-A: What are you talking about? This is peak entertainment! (pauses) Look at that! Cromwell's bag is leaking blood all over Mary! I knew we shouldn't have used Ziplock bags, Tom! Go get someone to clean up Bloody Mary over here. (Chuckles)

(SCP-7099-A can be heard picking up the object on the table and walking away.)

SCP-7099-A: Man, this is heavy!

Rama: What is still in there to make that thing heavy?

SCP-7099-A: (chuckles) The rest of him!

(Clapping can be heard, slowly fading out while Jane by Jefferson Starship begins to fade in.)

The trackers in the agents' coats had shown no change in location between the time before the interview and the time after. All the agents were discovered in their respective offices in a trance-like state, with Starr found with a bullet hole at her temple. Additionally, Linde was found to have high levels of glucose in her bloodstream, though research into why and the source is ongoing.

Notably, when the agents were discovered, the broadcast was actively streaming. The agents could also be heard mumbling, coinciding with when the agents each spoke on the broadcast. Upon the interview excerpt concluding, all the agents reverted from their trance-like state, with the exception of Starr.

Addendum 5: On 13/01/16, Ryan Seacrest suffered a sudden heart attack while in Foundation custody. 30 minutes later, Seacrest would be pronounced dead in the Site-19 Medical Ward at 7:13 PM. The story would be concealed while the Foundation staff assessed the situation. About a month after the event, the story was then released to news outlets.

Immediately upon Seacrest's death, a dropping sound was audible on an SCP-7099 broadcast that was streaming at the time. The remainder of the broadcast was silent. In the last two minutes, Baby Blue by Badfinger spontaneously began playing, being cut off halfway at the broadcast's conclusion.

SCP-7099 has yet to manifest since Seacrest's death. However, promotional material for SCP-7099 has been discovered around metropolitan areas in California and Nevada, first appearing in the summer of 2019.

Update: In August 2020, SCP-7099 broadcasts began appearing on radio services again, now with the voice of Joe Rogan hosting A-Net: Night.

Footnotes

1. When interrogated, Seacrest was oblivious to the network's existence and denied any affiliations with the group.

2. Reserved for anomalies with an unpredictable risk factor. The abnormal effects of these anomalies typically happen in non-consecutive events. Given the broad ramifications of these events ranging from mild to disastrous, such anomalies would fall into the esoteric class 'Nus.'