Item #: SCP-1347-1353-J

Object Class: Loud and messy

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1347-1353-J is to be constantly told how much of an awful roommate it is. It should be constantly berated about the dead bodies it leaves on the floor, and the outrageous and loud parties it holds each night. Until it stops inviting those people that whip themselves over, its access to the fridge is denied.

Description: SCP-1347-1353-J is a strain of Yersinia pestis that is described as "The worst roommate ever!" The entity leaves a constant trail of yellow slime wherever it goes, especially when it sits on the couch. Each morning, when SCP-1347-1353-J returns from "clubbing" at 4 a.m., it usually leaves a dozen dead bodies on the doorstep. The entity, which goes by "Yerry"1, prefers to leave its metabolic waste products spread across the floor.

It is currently not known how SCP-1347-1353-J is able to speak, as he lacks any semblance of vocal cords2. It is also not known how SCP-1347-1353-J engages in sexual activities of any kind3 due to a lack of any sexual organs or cavities. "Yerry"4 engages in consumption and excretion like any regular human male during puberty5.

SCP-1347-1353-J enjoys hosting long, loud, and destructive parties in our apartment, every night. The entity occasionally invites that fucking weird dude with the mask to "hang out" and smoke "dat dank shit", leaving that godawful smell on everything. During their "hang outs", "Yerry" will reminisce about the good old days while producing a number of dead bodies for reanimation. Said bodies oozed into the carpet of the present apartment, effectively ending any chance of the other renter getting his security deposit back6. Roommate Mike is currently requesting financial assistance for "fumigation" purposes. Reanimated bodies prefer to stand over the location in which the entity's roommate is currently sleeping, until he awakes.

SCP-1347-1353-J is currently involved in a romantic relationship with ████ ██████. ████ ██████ currently displays a number of anomalous effects, including:

Totally ignoring the inconsiderate messes of her partner.

A total disregard for Yerry's roommates while they are sleeping.

Spilling blood all over the couch.

Moans at the pitch of a clarinet during amorous activities.

SCP-1347-1353-J expresses enjoyment over puns having to do with its past, including:

What version of the Black Death would hit an alcoholic? The bourbonic plague

What did the plague victim say when his skin turned black? I feel like I've dyed a little inside

Update 12/20/2016: On 12/20/2016, roommate Mike found a large number of Rattus rattus in the shared living spaces with the entity7.

Update 12/21/2016: On 12/21/2016, roommate Mike received a note covered in yellow slime stating Yerry's intention to spread himself so that others might enjoy his company. Any attempt to carry through with this action should be met with spraying the entity with Streptomycin repeatedly8.

Update 12/22/2016: On 12/22/2016, the entity was noted to be resistant to Streptomycin9.

Addendum 1: Response

C'mon Mike, if you can't handle a little black death in your life, how do you expect to face the real world. Don't be a pest.

-Yerry

Footnotes

1. Who Drops dem gram negs all over the house during his midnight beatboxing contests.

2. Though that doesn't stop him from singing Don't Stop Believing at 3 in the morning.

3. Dr. Mike's request for bi-weekly Class-C amnestic administrations is currently pending.

4. God what a stupid name.

5. He eats EVERYTHING. I ordered a whole pizza last Friday for us. He ate the whole thing before I could pay the driver.

6. Dangit Yerry, I was going to use that money to buy a Nintendo Switch.

7. YERRY WHY ARE THERE SO MANY RATS!

8. YEAH TAKE THIS.

9. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.