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SCP-5374: Allen Grey

Author: CrystalMonarch

Item #: SCP-5374
Level 2/5374

Object Class: Keter
Classified

SCP-5374’s farm.

Special Containment Procedures: Embedded Foundation assets are to surveil all large astronomy organisations and prevent them from detecting SCP-5374 or SCP-5374-1. The Interstellar Anomaly Unit (IAU) is to monitor SCP-5374 directly for any changes in behaviour patterns that may indicate a need for additional containment procedures.

All remaining cows on the property owned by Farmer Grey’s All Natural Cattle Co are currently being investigated for evidence of anomalous properties.

Description: SCP-5374 is a 1.14 meter tall, grey skinned, hairless humanoid with large black eyes and no visible nose or ears. The origin of this entity is currently unknown, but it is fully sapient and has access to advanced anomalous technology in the form of SCP-5374-1. Prior to containment, it owned and operated Farmer Grey’s All Natural Cattle Co under the alias ‘Allen Grey’.

SCP-5374-1 is a spacecraft approximately 26 meters in diameter that is capable of both atmospheric flight and travel through hard vacuum. It is disc shaped, with a raised dome in the centre and a cannon-like mechanism on the base. This mechanism is capable of emitting directed beams of light that can disintegrate solid matter. SCP-5374-1 is invisible to radar and all other known means of detection except direct visual identification.

SCP-5374-1 was active across the mainland USA from June 2016 until it was contained by the Foundation on 13/01/2017. It has proven difficult to distinguish reports of genuine sightings of SCP-5374-1 from the large quantity of false UFO reports received across the USA each year1 and as such, the following log consists only of sightings that can be linked to suspected or known SCP-5374 activity.

Log of Notable SCP-5374-1 sightings

Sighting
Event
Notes

24/06/16
A sighting matching SCP-5374-1’s description was reported in Haskell County Texas. 3 cows were discovered missing from a Haskell County farm2.
First known SCP-5374-1 sighting.

27/07/16
Several crop circles were identified in multiple farms across Nebraska, along with multiple sightings of SCP-5374-1. All crop circles were in the shape of words, notably including ‘arsehole’, ‘bastards’ and ‘pillocks’.
This event was attributed to local pranksters at the time, but is now considered SCP-5374 related.

03/08/16
A large explosion occurred in a farm in Kansas, which was later discovered to be SCP-5665 related. One eyewitness reported a craft matching SCP-5374-1’s description travelling away from the scene emitting large quantities of black smoke.
Indicates SCP-5374-1 may be vulnerable to explosive ordnance.

10/11/16
A farm security guard witnessed SCP-5374 attempting to corral several cows into SCP-5374-1. When he confronted SCP-5374, it produced a device described as resembling a ‘ray gun’ and threatened the guard with disintegration, before escaping aboard SCP-5374-1.
The device was recovered from the scene by local police and found to be a non-anomalous children’s toy.

12/12/16
The CEOs of Tyson Foods, Cargill Meat Solutions and Conagra Brands were abducted by SCP-5374 and taken to an area they described as a ‘barren alien planet’. Once there, they were threatened with disintegration if their companies continued to export beef and beef related products to the UK. Shortly afterwards, they were found naked in a cattle field in southern California.
The abducted CEOs were interrogated, amnesticised and returned to their homes. Based on geographical descriptions and analysis of mineral residue found on their persons, the location they were transported to was determined to be Trefil Quarry, Wales. This event alerted the Foundation to SCP-5374, and investigation revealed numerous previous instances of cow related SCP-5374 activity.

13/01/17
After becoming aware of SCP-5374, Foundation optical satellites were redirected to monitor multiple large cattle farms in the mainland USA. On 13/01/17 SCP-5374-1 was sighted and satellites were able to track it to its location of origin.
SCP-5374 was discovered to reside in a small farmhouse in rural Yorkshire, United Kingdom.

Recovery Log-5374

On the evening of 14/01/17, remote surveillance identified that SCP-5374 was present within the farmhouse, and SCP-5374-1 was located in a nearby barn. A raid by a team of Agents from Site-109 was conducted and SCP-5374 was taken into containment, along with SCP-5374-1. Notably, it was not wearing the silver spacesuit that it had been described as wearing in all previous encounters, and instead wore conventional human clothing, including a tweed jacket and flat cap.

The residence and surrounding area were searched and no anomalous technology was discovered, other than SCP-5374-1 itself. The contents of the house were unremarkable, with the exception of a large collection of classic films, predominantly science fiction from the 1950s and 1960s.

SCP-5374 Interview Transcript

Date: 14/01/17

Interviewed: SCP-5374

Interviewer: Paul Sedgewick3

Foreword: This interview was conducted shortly after SCP-5374 was initially contained, in Interview Room 3, Sublevel 2 of Site-109. As a standard precaution taken with all unknown entities, SCP-5374 was separated from Officer Sedgewick by a reinforced transparent barrier.

<BEGIN LOG>

Sedgewick: I have some questions I need you to answer. If you co-operate, this will go much easier for you and accommodations can be made to make your time here more comfortable.

SCP-5374: You can shove your questions up yer arse lad, I’ve done nought that’s illegal and this is a violation of my ruddy civil liberties!

Sedgewick: Sir, I am going to have to ask you to calm down or you’ll be left in the cell again until you’re ready to talk. Please tell me what exactly you are and where you originally came from.

SCP-5374: That’s a bloody rude question lad. I’m a Yorkshire man, born and bred, named Allen Grey after me da.

Sedgewick: I see. Mr Grey, are you aware that you appear to be non-human?

SCP-5374: I have a skin condition.

Sedgewick: Your grey colouration and, ah, unusual features and proportions, are all due to a skin condition?

SCP-5374: That’s right.

Sedgewick: And what skin condition is that exactly?

SCP-5374: That’s my personal medical information and I’ll be keeping it private, thank you very much. Shouldn’t I be allowed a lawyer? Or have the bloody Tories done away with our human rights altogether?

Sedgewick: You don’t need a lawyer Mr Grey, just answer the questions. How do you explain the anomalous aircraft in your possession?

SCP-5374: Well, it’s a flying saucer, isn’t it? Thought that would be obvious from lookin at it.

Sedgewick: And how did you come to possess this ‘flying saucer’?

SCP-5374: I’ve always been a bit of a tinkerer me, and had this ol’ John Deere4 that I was workin’ on. I started tweaking and one thing led to t’other and next thing you know, there it was!

Sedgewick: I’m sorry Mr Grey, but I find that very hard to believe.

SCP-5374: Well it’s the truth! I’m an honest man I am. And I’ve not done nought wrong, so if you don’t let me out of here, Mr Segerton, I’ll be calling my MP and kicking up a right fuss.

Sedgewick: It’s Sedgewick. Now, let’s talk about the cow thefts.

SCP-5374: Oh. You uh, you know about those.

Sedgewick: Yes we do, Mr Grey. At least thirty-eight cows stolen over the last six months. We’ve found a good dozen of them on your property and we have financial analysts looking through your company’s accounts to trace the rest. And that’s before getting into the large scale vandalism and kidnapping charges.

SCP-5374: Alright fine, I stole a couple cows. But I’ll tell you this, those big American corporations have been flooding Britain with cheap, low quality, hormone addled beef as long as I’ve been workin. And when this damn idiot country voted for Brexit, I knew t’was only going to get worse, no matter what Farmers Weekly5 says.

So yes, I might have got a tad upset and acted rash, but them cows had a better life with me. I’m no softie, I send my cows to slaughter same as any farmer. But I treat my animals with respect, while they treat theirs like cogs in a profit machine and treat their workers near as bad. You tell me who the real criminal is, Mr Sadwig.

Sedgewick: It’s Sedgewick. And we’re far more interested in your anomalous technology than we are in your crimes. In fact, if you tell us how to access your ‘flying saucer’, we’ll be able to make things a lot easier for you.

SCP-5374: You’re not messing with me saucer, are you? That’s very dangerous, could cause a lot of problems. Look son, I’ll pay a fine if I have to, just let me out of here so I can tend to t’herd.

Sedgewick: I’m sorry Mr Grey, but you’re not going anywhere. Quite aside from your crimes, your very presence in public life is a threat to normalcy. You will remain here in containment, and how comfortable that containment is will depend strongly on how co-operative you are. Now, if you tell me how your vehicle operates I can avoid having my colleagues use explosive charges to gain access.

SCP-5374: So that’s what this country’s come to, eh? Puttin’ folks in prison just cause of how they look. Well, I wish I could say I was surprised but the small minded folks of this country have been pushin’ us towards fascism for years. I’ll tell you what though, Mr Sadgewadge, I’m not going to stay here and put up with it, and neither are me cows.

Sedgewick: Please, Mr Gre-

SCP-5374 is disintegrated by a beam of light which emerges from the ceiling of the interview room.

<END LOG>

Closing Statement: During the interview, SCP-5374-1 was stored in Warehouse-2E, where Foundation staff attempted to gain access to its interior. After Officer Sedgewick threatened SCP-5374 with indefinite containment, SCP-5374-1 disintegrated the roof of Warehouse-2E and ascended into the air. It then disintegrated a circular access hole from ground level to Interview Room 3, before disintegrating SCP-5374. This destroyed part of Site-109’s temperature control infrastructure and several empty lockers in Anomalous Item Storage but did not cause any major damage.

All attempts to ground the vessel, including conventional small arms and SAMs6, were unsuccessful. After the disintegration of SCP-5374, SCP-5374-1 flew to Farmer Grey’s All Natural Cattle Co, disintegrated a majority of the cattle present there, and then ascended directly upwards until out of visual range.

SCP-5374 Current Status

As of 16/01/17, SCP-5374 has resumed farming in the Coulomb-Sarton Basin7. It is unclear how it or its cattle are able to survive without oxygen, water or food, but reports from Site-109’s Astronomy Department indicate that the cows appear to be thriving and SCP-5374 has shown no desire to return to Earth. Re-containment is not currently considered a priority.

Footnotes

1. 5,094 in 2019 according to The National UFO Reporting Center, only 217 of which can be connected to genuine anomalous activity.

2. Weinert Farm, a feedlot farm owned and operated by Cargill Meat Solutions.

3. Site-109’s on-call Humanoid Intake Processing Officer.

4. A popular brand of commercially used tractors.

5. A British magazine that advertised heavily for the ‘Vote Leave’ campaign.

6. Surface-to-air missiles.

7. Located on the far side of the Moon and not directly visible from Earth.