Item #: SCP-477-J

Object Class: Holographic

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-477-J is gonna go in my binder for safekeeping but im still allowed to show it to everyone!

Description: SCP-477-J is a super rare golden necromancer card from the army of monsters card game that none of my friends has! i got it after my dad took me to target in 3 portlands after school and got me a pack because i did really good in class this week! everyone is super jealous cause it can deal 50 damage with a big dark magic blast and thats the most damage in the game! plus it can even summon itself again if it dies so its the best card ever.

Addendum 477-J-1: heres me interviewing my friend imani about it she’s a researcher too

<Begin Log>

imani is doing a thing looking at her computer

Me: Imani look! Look! Look!

Imani: Hm? Oh, hello James. What have you got there?

Me: Look at what I got! It's the Necromancer card from Army of Monsters, and it's GOLDEN too!

Imani: Oh, wow! That's very interesting, James.

imani is obviously jealous

Me: Yeah, it does 50 damage in one attack, it's super cool. Do you like the skulls?

Imani: Oh yeah, the skulls are very spooky. Very cool.

Me: They're my favorite. Last month TheLuckyCarder said on youtube this was the rarest ever and now I have one!

Imani: You know who I think would really like to see this? Go find Tess, she'd probably love this!

Me: Okay!

<End Log>

Addendum 477-J-2: cause i told so many people about it people wanted to take it away from me cause theyre jealous. this is message from a guy that wanted it.

Anomaly Custody Transfer Request

From the Desk of O5-6

Anomaly In Question: SCP-477-J

Reason For Request: It is the opinion of the Council that SCP-477-J should never have been brought to the custody of the Department of Other in the first place. The Army of MonstersTM card game has been contained by the Anart Department since its first booster set in 1996 due to classified anomalous effects. This particular card does not merit an exception, nor should it be recorded as a separate entry in the system. The damage that this card is capable of, particularly in the hands of a child, could cause significant structural damage to Site-19 should its anomalous effects target any living Foundation personnel, risking potential containment breaches or in a worst case scenario threatening The Veil itself.

The power of SCP-477-J should not be underestimated; it may look like a simple playing card to the untrained child’s eye, but this is not something that should be handled by children. We allow the Department a degree of leniency in Researcher James’ case due to his unique position, but this anomaly requires handling by grown adults who know how to handle and protect these artpieces. I would have thought that would be obvious, but perhaps I should not have expected as much from your department.

Anomaly Custody Transfer Response

From the Desk of Dr. Gerald, Department of Other

Request Response: Denied.

Reasoning: Jason, we all know that Anart entry is bullshit. You just want to complete your collection. James is a kid. We were going to reassign this to the house log, but if you’re going to try to use its current status as a -J to try to steal it off of him, we’re keeping it under our protection. Let him have this.

And stop trying to act like this is some high-class game, it’s marketed to preteens in between episodes of Spongebob.

Addendum 477-J-3: this is a video from when the guy came up to me and tried to take my card cause hes mean.

<Begin Log>

Guy: James! How's it going, uh, sport?

Me: I don't know you.

Guy: I- I see. Well, we met when you were first brought on to work with us? After your toilet specter was discovered.

Me: The butt ghost!

Guy: That one. James, you remember your buddy Jason, right?

Me: No.

Guy: Hm. Well, I certainly remember you. Our youngest researcher! And I remember that you love Army of Monsters.

Me: Yeah! It's my favorite game!

Guy: Well, James, guess what? AoM is my favourite game as well. I happen to be a world-leading collector. Would you like to see some of my cards?

Me: YOU LOVE ARMY OF MONSTERS TOO?!

the guy takes out a golden faceless angel a golden mutant satellite a golden hell mouth and a golden tricky gnome.

Me: WHOA! A GOLDEN HELL MOUTH?!?!?!?!?!?!1

Guy: That’s right, uh, champ. One of the rarest cards in the game - a first printing reverse holofoil gold from the original AoM:MA2. It’s worth a lot of money. Now, James, I understand you have a golden card as well?

Me: Uh-huh! Wanna see?

Guy: Very much so.

i take out my binder from my backpack and show my card.

Guy: Wow, that's… wow, you really just pulled the Golden Necromancer, huh? Oh god and you haven’t even sleeved it.

Me: Yeah! Do you like the skulls?

Guy: The- yes, sure, the skulls. Very intimidating. The central Phacochoerus africanus3 skull in particular definitely makes a strong design for a Lead Attacker.

Me: What?

Guy: Lead Attacker? You know, the card you build the Minions around so you can chain-

the guy stops and looks at the ground.

Guy: Never mind. Listen, little… buddy. You said you liked the Hell Mouth, correct? It's a superior Lead Attacker to the Necromancer! I could give it to you, if you’d like.

Me: You'd give me a Golden Hell Mouth? But it's your favorite!

Guy: Well, a smart man told me recently that kids deserve all the cool stuff, wouldn’t you agree? Hey, I’ve had an idea - I'll trade it to you if you give me that Golden Necromancer! Like I said, the Hell Mouth is a lot “cooler”, and a lot stronger too.

Me: Pssssh, no, stupid. The Necromancer does 50 damage with ONE attack! Nothing is stronger than that!

Guy: Well. Yes, but it requires a lot of mana to set up the attack, which leaves it vulnerable. It's not competitively viable in any modern formats.

Me: But it can summon itself again so it can never die!

the guy leans closer to me.

Guy: Kid, you know that that gets countered if the opponent has any kind of silence, right? You’d never get it out with the state of handtraps in the current meta.The Necromancer is a bad strategic play, you'd be better with this one.

Me: Hm…

Guy: What, do you want more for it? That’s fine, I'll give you the gnome, too! The gnome is the most powerful Support-Class Minion in the game even after the 2013 errata, and this is a first printing full-art with a rare stamping error-

Me: Dance like a chicken.

Guy: What?

Me: And call yourself a big dummy poopyhead!

Guy: I’m not- you- you want me to dance around and say… that?

Me: Mhm! You gotta do it three times!

the guy pinches his nose like when we play the Quiet Game at home

Guy: And… you'll give me the card?

Me: Maaaaaybe…

Guy: Fine. I'll-

dr gerald comes in.

Dr. Gerald: Hey James, sorry that I couldn't find chocolate pudding, but hopefully vanilla-

the guy and dr gerald look at each other.

Dr. Gerald: Jason, care to explain what you're doing in the Department of Other's break room? Last I recall the basement level was "too musty and desperate”.

Guy: I- I figured it would be important if I get to know the staff down here. After all, I really only communicate with this department through you.

Dr. Gerald: I see. And the reason you look like you're trying to trade playing cards with Researcher James here - just staff bonding, I'm sure?

Guy: Of course! James and I have been discussing our mutual interest in-

Dr. Gerald: Jason, I'm not an idiot. I would recommend that you leave before I report to the O5 Council that you were trying to get around a transfer denial.

the guy looks to me and then back to dr gerald and gets angry and marches up to dr gerald

Guy: I don't have to put up with this, you know. You think you can use bureaucracy to keep hold of this? Tradition? I am your superior, no matter what the Old Rules say. I am hundreds of years your elder. The Council is beyond the scope of your wildest imaginings. I have seen gods burn in stars I myself created on a whim.

Dr. Gerald: Go. Now.

the guy looks like he wants to say something but doesnt then leaves.

<End Log>

Addendum 477-J-4: the guy tried to be mean to dr gerald again because of the card.

Anomaly Custody Transfer Request

From the Desk of O5-6

Anomaly In Question: SCP-477-J

Reason For Request: I’ll make this simple: due to your irresponsible choice to allow SCP-477-J to remain in the custody of a minor, we are offering you two choices.

1. Remain steadfast by your negligent decisions, and face punishment. Time and again, you have proven to us that you are not fit to lead even a department so ineffective as the Department of Other. As long as you are Department Head, or until you come to your senses, the department will be successively downsized every year until you are penniless. If that results in further breaches of security under your watch and fewer anomalies under your control, well, that will be an unfortunate side effect of your improper management.

2. You will turn over the card to the Anart Department, and you will receive no punishment. I am more than willing to forgive a mistake, as long as you make amends to fix it. Agreeing to the custody transfer is more than enough for me to accept your apology.

These are your only choices, Gerald. I hope you know what's good for you and everyone working under you, worm.

Anomaly Custody Transfer Response

From the Desk of Dr. Gerald, Department of Other

Request Response: Denied.

Reasoning: Fuck off, dweeb.

dr gerald told me he would talk to the important guys and show them how mean the guy was so i could keep my card. i dont know why that guy was being so mean.

Addendum 477-J-5: i got to keep my card :)

Footnotes

1. extra exclamation points cause i was super excited. its another super rare card

2. dad says he meant Army of Monsters: Monster Army and it was the first ever set of cards

3. i dont know what that means