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by ParallelPotatoes

Item #: 8271

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-8271 is to be kept inside of a riverine containment unit in Site-225. No materials worth more than $100 are to be used as part of the containment unit.

Description: SCP-8271 is a male Polyodon spathula, commonly known as the American Paddlefish. SCP-8271 is sapient, and it is capable of instantly destroying any object with a high value. It is unclear where the lower limit is, but the least valuable item destroyed thus far has been Dr. Irkiv's "#1 Site Director" coffee mug1.

SCP-8271 in the former location of Mississippi Lock and Dam 15

Discovery: SCP-8271 was discovered in the Mississippi River when it was tagged for a fish migration study, after which it unsuccessfully attempted to destroy the tracking device but was unable to due to its low value. It proceeded to destroy a navigation dam and three barges to evade the researchers. Immediately prior to containment, SCP-8271 unsuccessfully attempted to confuse the initial containment team by attaching the tracker to a second fish. The second fish, which was coincidentally also anomalously sapient, did not appreciate these efforts.

Addendum 1: Upon containment, several of the other sapient anomalies in the Ichthyology Subdivision attempted to socialize with SCP-8271, and held a welcoming party for its arrival. This attempt was met with failure, as SCP-8271 immediately destroyed the party supplies and left the party. The high cost of aquatic party supplies expended the remainder of the Ichthyology Subdivision’s anomaly morale budget. This disappointed several of the anomalies who were looking forward to getting new water polo equipment.

Addendum 2: A few of those present at the welcoming party attempted again to reach out in friendship towards SCP-8271. They invited it to play a homemade underwater game with them, which SCP-8271 accepted. However, once it began to lose the game, it started destroying pieces of the game in an attempt to cheat. Several of the participating anomalies bet shrimp on the outcome of the game and were enraged at SCP-8271’s behavior.

Addendum 3: Despite all previous attempts ending in failure, one sapient fish in the Ichthyology Subdivision made a final attempt to reach out to SCP-8271, and brought it a pet rock with no monetary value. SCP-8271 accepted the gift, apologized to the other anomaly for its actions, and requested to make amends. The other anomaly accepted the apology and the request. Once they left, SCP-8271 proceeded to destroy the pet rock, which had gained sentimental value.

Footnotes

1. Dr. Irkiv's director ranking is below #1.