+ CODE

- CODE

/*
BLANKSTYLE CSS
[2021 Wikidot Theme]
By Placeholder McD and HarryBlank
Based on:
Paperstack Theme by EstrellaYoshte
Penumbra Theme by EstrellaYoshte
*/

@import url('https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Montserrat:ital,wght@0,800;1,800&display=swap');

#page-content { font-size: .9rem; }

#main-content {
top: -1.6rem;
padding: 0.2em;
}

div#container-wrap {
background-image: none;
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/* ---- YUI TAB BASE ---- */
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/* ---- YUI TAB CUSTOMIZATION ----*/

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margin: 0 auto;
border-color: #333333;
box-shadow: none;
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.yui-navset .yui-nav a, /* ---- Link Modifier ---- */
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color: #333333;
/* ---- Tab Background Colour | [UNSELECTED] ---- */
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color: #ffffff;
/* ---- Tab Background Colour | [HOVER] ---- */
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.yui-navset .yui-nav li, /* ---- Listitem Modifier ---- */
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position: relative;
display: flex;
flex-grow: 2;
max-width: 100%;
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padding: .35em .75em;

text-overflow: ellipsis;
overflow: hidden;
white-space: nowrap;
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.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected, /* ---- Selection Modifier ---- */
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/* ---- Tab Background Colour | [SELECTED] ---- */
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/*---- SCROLLBAR ----*/

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/*---- CENTER IMAGES ON MOBILE courtesy of EstrellaYoshte and PeppersGhost ----*/

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/*---- ACS-COLORED TABLE DIVS ----*/

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/* -- FANCY THINGS from Woedenaz's Dustjacket Theme -- */

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Item#: SCP-8650

Containment Class: safe

Secondary Class: {$secondary-class}

Disruption Class: amida

Risk Class: critical

Special Containment Procedures: All copies of SCP-8650 are to be held within High-Yield Data Storage Facility 3 at Site-43. Due to the high amounts of classified information within, Foundation personnel with clearance level 6500-5 or higher who are exposed to SCP-8650 are to be subject to immediate administration of Class-A amnestics. MTF Lambda-11 is to observe all personnel involved in the discovery of SCP-8650 and their respective Sites for connections to Splinter Group 6500-1.

Description: SCP-8650 refers to a two-part film, with a total combined runtime of 7:18:03, produced by Vikander-Kneed Technical Media. Branding for the film, titled SCP: Inevitable, indicates that it is part of the "SCP Cinematic Universe" or "SCPCU"; the Foundation has no record of this brand's existence.

Broadly speaking, SCP-8650 recounts the events surrounding the neutralization of SCP-6500 by a combination of Foundation personnel operating on an international, and interdimensional, scale. Past VKTM productions have recruited actual Foundation personnel, or used simulacrum of said personnel, for use in their anomalies. However, several prominent actors and voice performers were cast in the film, and are listed in the end credits.

With the exception of Ben Schwartz and Benedict Cumberbatch, who were both hired to read several lines of dialog for their respective roles without any context, and Steven Seagal, who claimed to remember being cast for the film in late 20211 no actors who were credited in SCP-8650 recall being involved with its production.

Addendum 1: Discovery

SCP-8650 was discovered after several members of Foundation personnel — Dr. Udo Okorie, Chief Delfina Ibanez, Dr. Katherine Sinclair, Dr. Montgomery Reynolds, Dr. Daniel Asheworth, Dr. Placeholder McDoctorate, and Dr. William Wallace Wettle — were abducted from their respective Sites for a seven-hour duration on the night of April 26th, 2024.

All Foundation personnel were found back in their respective living quarters at approximately 3:20 PM EST on April 27th, 2024, all claiming to have no memory of what happened while they were abducted. Dr. Sinclair, Dr. Okorie, and Dr. Asheworth all independently surrendered DVD copies of SCP-8650 that they had been given by a VKTM representative; attempted acroamatic abatement of the items has resulted in equipment failure, and digital copies were found uploaded to the Foundation's servers, in a file marked 'DOOMSDAY :)'.

Attached is an abridged log of recordings taken from monitoring equipment on Chief Ibanez and Dr. Asheworth's person.

Begin Log

Chief Ibanez is walking through Site-43's corridors alongside Dr. Okorie. They are both transporting Dr. Wettle to Site-43's infirmary on a gurney, with Okorie on the front.

Chief Ibanez: I think that was a little too far this time.

Dr. Okorie: I'm sure that Lillian didn't intend for him to eat that ghost pepper chip. Hey, Wettle, are you alive?

Wettle groans loudly, clutching his head with his left hand, his stomach with his right.

Dr. Okorie: He's responsive. Assuming the capsaicin didn't burn a hole through his stomach…

Okorie stops in front of the door which leads to Site-43's Health & Pathology Department. She presses her badge against the reader; it is unresponsive.

Dr. Okorie: Dammit. Fina, can I borrow yours? My aura might have fried my badge again.

Chief Ibanez: Sure. Catch.

Ibanez throws her badge to Okorie, who catches it; as she presses it against the scanner, Wettle abruptly sits upright.

Dr. Wettle: Oh. For the love of god, do not open that door!

Dr. Okorie: …Why not?

Dr. Wettle: It's— it's some kind of ominous feeling. Something bad is behind there. Please, I know I… just listen to me. Okorie, d—

Dr. Okorie: Wettle, you're delirious from the spice. We'll get you to the infirmary, hold on.

The door opens. Dr. Okorie steps through, and finds herself in a circular room. Wettle and Ibanez follow, and Wettle groans audibly.

Dr. Wettle: Yup! Of course it is.

Dr. Okorie: …This… isn't H&P.

A door opposite Ibanez's camera opens. Dr. Montgomery Reynolds and Dr. Katherine Sinclair enter, wearing formal clothing. Sinclair is laughing and holding a cocktail glass.

Dr. Sinclair: What, are you in high school all of the sudden? Taking me into a closet, honestly…

Dr. Reynolds: Just trying to make up for lost time.

Reynolds embraces Sinclair, and then looks up to see Ibanez, Okorie, and Wettle.

Dr. Reynolds: …Katherine, I don't think we're in Wisconsin anymore.

Dr. Sinclair: Hmm?

Dr. Sinclair looks at the assembled party, abruptly dropping her glass. Rather than shattering on impact, it falls through the floor.

Dr. Okorie: Katherine. What are you—

Dr. Sinclair: What are you— one second I'm at a function at Site-87 — containment procedure, long story — and the next I'm at 43?

Dr. Wettle: Okay, more people. That's good, I think? Less of a chance they focus on you. I just hope this doesn't turn into Season Two…

A third door opens. Dr. Placeholder McDoctorate steps through, holding a vanilla ice cream, and conversing with Dr. Daniel Asheworth.

Dr. McDoctorate: …And then I said, 'no, dramatic irony is when you come home to a murder scene… and all your shirts are wrinkled!'

Dr. Asheworth: …I'm afraid I don't understand.

Dr. McDoctorate: Well, you see, it—

Dr. Sinclair clears her throat. McDoctorate turns to face her.

Dr. McDoctorate: Kat?

Dr. Sinclair: Place? You're supposed to be in Esterberg until the start of May, I thought.

Dr. Asheworth: We… were in Esterberg, until… oh, Sukinsynu. Spatial anomaly?

Dr. Reynolds: Seems that way. But why…

The floor abruptly falls away, and all personnel present are in freefall for approximately ten seconds, before their momentum is arrested and they land in front of an IMAX movie screen. All personnel are seated in leather recliner seats, with paper cups on their right side and buckets of popcorn on their left.

Dr. Sinclair: …Monty, to your knowledge, has there been any odd activity at the movie theater in Sloth's Pit?

Dr. Reynolds: Not since the Pit Sloth, but you can never be too prepared. I told Tristan that the department of cinematic studies was a good idea, but did he listen?

Dr. Wettle: Don't worry, this isn't you. It's something worse.

Dr. Asheworth: Oh, don't tell me—

Rising up from a stage immediately in front of the screen, Marian 'Mari' MacPhaerson, Vice President of Public Relations at Vikander-Kneed Technical Media. She is wearing a grey pantsuit, with a dirty bandage covering her eyes. Both the bandage, and the shoulders of her pantsuit, are covered in bloodstains.

All Foundation Personnel: Oh, son of a bitch!

MacPhaerson: Welcome, welcome! Sorry to draw you away from any pertinent medical emergencies, luxury galas, or ice cream dates.

Dr. McDoctorate: It wasn't— the hell do you want, you extradimensional executive?

MacPhaerson: Ooh, alliterative, I like that. Can we use that in the sequel?

Dr. Sinclair: Sequel?

MacPhaerson: Ah, you aren't aware, then. I don't blame you, wouldn't do numbers in your world. Long story short? We here at Vikander-Kneed have decided to break into the long-standing reality that is the film business, and create our very-own cross-media franchise— the SCP Cinematic Universe! SCPCU for short.

Dr. Wettle: Okay, so, I get why you dragged me into it. Expect it to happen every day before lunch at this point. But why everyone else?

MacPhaerson: Well, we need a test audience for our newest film, and who better than the people the film is based on?

Silence on the recording, and sounds of confusion. After about ten seconds, Sinclair swears loudly.

Dr. Sinclair: You made a film based on 6500?!

MacPhaerson: Well, no, that would be crude and insensitive to those who died during the Impasse. We made a film based on your attempts to stop it! It's got an extremely star-studded cast.

Chief Ibanez: Hold on, we didn't sign any kind of—

MacPhaerson: Someone needs to read their Goldbaker-Reinz plans more carefully. You sign away your likeness right on an annual basis, Delfina.2

Dr. McDoctorate: Question: did you learn nothing from Justice League? Starting a film franchise with a massive team-up movie—

MacPhaerson: You think this is the first film? This is the culmination of over twelve years of work on our part! You should see what Bonnie Wright did as ██████ █████ in Black Autumn IV. Brings a tear to my eye.

Dr. Reynolds: As who?

MacPhaerson: Oh, long story. You got bottomless buckets of popcorn on one side, bottomless drinks on your right, and there are restrooms at the back of the auditorium. Buckle up, buttercups. This is going to be a great show. Any questions before we start the screening?

Dr. Asheworth: …Please tell me that Whedon didn't direct this.

MacPhaerson: What do we look like, Vought? We have some integrity, Daniel. We got James Gunn to fire off on this project— pun fully intended.

Dr. Okorie: How long is this?

MacPhaerson: Just over seven hours. It's a two-part film!

Dr. Wettle: I'm not doing this. As far as I'm concerned, Mari, you and everyone involved in this can go and—

Dr. McDoctorate: Bill. C'mon. We need to see what this says about… you know. That whole thing in the Mediterranean?

Dr. Wettle: …Fine. You hear from Cat lately?

Dr. McDoctorate: She's got a lead on something in the Darien Gap along with Wexley. Talk about it later.

MacPhaerson: Excellent! Well, let's start the screening. We'll have a Q&A session a bit later.

Dr. Reynolds: You do realize we're going to give this the full Gizmonic treatment, right?

Dr. Asheworth: I'm sorry, Gizmonic?

MacPhaerson: I wouldn't have it any other way. We even wrote a theme song for it just in case you went that route, but Fionn3 told us not to play it. That's for the comments section.

Dr. Asheworth: Comments section?

MacPhaerson sinks back into the stage. She turns towards Chief Ibanez's recording equipment as blood spurts out of the left side of her bandage, as if winking. A three-second countdown appears on the projector, before the film begins with a sweeping camera pan through, and over, the VKTM Logo as sweeping orchestral music plays, before the phrase:

VKTM STUDIOS

Presents

appears on-screen.

Dr. Okorie: I didn't expect you to be a Mystery Science Theater fan, Montgomery.

Dr. Reynolds: I watched it in college, when it first aired.

Dr. Okorie: Joel, or Mike?

Dr. Reynolds: Jonah.

Dr. Okorie: …You're trying to piss me off on purpose.

Dr. Sinclair: Hush.

The film opens on a beach, where Foundation cleanup crews are looking over black sludge. A member of Foundation personnel, played by George Clooney, is on screen. A nameplate on their hazmat suit reads "DR. BLANK".

Dr. Wettle: They got Clooney to play Harry? Goddamn.

RAISA Notice: For the sake of easier reading, the actors will be noted next to the names of the characters they play.

Clooney looks at the pile of sludge and picks up a cigarette lying in it. A voice with a heavy Scottish accent speaks from off-screen.

Scottish Voice: What do you make of it?

Dr. Blank (Clooney): If I had to be honest, Allan? It looks like 2521—

Clooney pauses and braces for an apparent impact.

Dr. Blank (Clooney): Well, that confirms it. 2521 is neutralized. And looks like 4999 went with it.

The camera turns to face Director Allan McInnis, played by David Tennant.

Director McInnis (Tennant): That confirm your theory, then?

Dr. Blank (Clooney): Not my theory. It's been sparking up chatter since last year. It's happening. The death of… magic. The Final Feast. The Impasse.

Director McInnis (Tennant): Anything we can do?

Dr. Blank (Clooney): Honestly, at this point? Anomalous activity has been on the decline for the better part of a century. What's happening now? It almost seems…

The film smash-cuts to a title card:

SCP:

INEVITABLE

Dr. Asheworth: At least the popcorn's decent.

A title card reads SITE-43, over an image of a facility that superficially resembles the Site. It cuts to an interior shot, where several members of Foundation personnel are present; Taraji P. Henson plays Dr. Okorie, Zoe Saldana is Chief Ibanez, Steven Seagal is an unidentified member of personnel, Christina Hendricks is Dr. Lillian Lillihammer, Amy Adams is Dr. Sinclair, Keith David plays then-Researcher Reynolds, and Ernie Hudson is present as Dr. Obi Okorie.

Dr. Sinclair: Okay, this definitely never happened.

Dr. Reynolds: We did want to have a summit at 43 over it, but never got a chance to.

Dr. McDoctorate: Probably for the sake of character economy.

Dr. Wettle: Who the hell is Seagal meant to be? Man wouldn't allow his hair to be dyed grey in a million years…

O. Okorie (Hudson): To say this is unprecedented is an understatement.

Dr. Sinclair (Adams): There's precedent, Obi. Wettle's been itching to talk our ear off about it.

Dr. Lillihammer (Hendricks): Can't believe the Wet Blanket has a history degree.

Dr. Wettle (Seagal): Hey, I'm in replication studies, toots. And those who repeat history—

All but Seagal, Groaning: Are doomed to learn it.

Dr. Wettle: Are you fucking kidding?! I'm played by a washed-up action star turned obese sexual harasser?!

MacPhaerson climbs into the chair next to Dr. Wettle and steals a handful of his popcorn.

MacPhaerson: If it's any consolation, you were originally played by Kevin Spacey.

Dr. Wettle: In what possible universe does that make me feel better?!

MacPhaerson: Why do you keep asking those kinds of questions? Is it a control thing?

Dr. Wettle (Seagal): …which will inevitably result in the Final Occult War.

Reynolds (David): Heavy stuff. Katherine, your thoughts?

Dr. Sinclair (Adams): There's protocols for this, I think.

Chief Ibanez (Saldana): You're talking about the Sixth Sun crap? That's a myth.

Dr. Sinclair (Adams): It's no myth. I helped review the procedures at the start of the decade.

Dr. Okorie (Henson): I wrote some of the protocols for it back in 2003.

Dr. Wettle: You dubbed him. I can tell he's drunk!

MacPhaerson: Okay, yes, but he agreed to be dubbed.

Dr. Reynolds: …Keith didn't want to wear dreads?

MacPhaerson: He felt it was disrespectful.

Dr. Reynolds: Put hours worth of effort into my hair every week. You couldn't have put a wig on him?

Dr. Okorie: Excuse me, Mari, is it? What the hell is the accent that woman is trying to do?

MacPhaerson: We tried to give her vocal coaching, we really did. You don't like it?

Dr. Okorie: She sounds like she's trying to do an imitation of Alexia McIntosh's singing voice, for a non-musical role. It's not great!

Dr. Daniel Asheworth, played by Henry Cavill, enters the room.

Dr. Asheworth (Cavill): Good afternoon. Sorry I'm late. Had to oversee the commencement of a Sixth Sun operation.

O. Okorie (Hudson): Dan! Good to see you. Have a seat.

Dr. Sinclair (Adams): Pleasant flight, Dr. Asheworth?

Dr. Asheworth (Cavill): Please. I took a Way. Only… method to travel by.

Dr. Asheworth: I am not sure how I feel about Superman playing me.

MacPhaerson: What about Geralt of Rivia?

Dr. Asheworth: …Better, I'll admit. As long as he doesn't turn into Liam Hemsworth 90% of the way through the film.

Dr. Okorie: I'm confused, who is this we're following?

MacPhaerson: Oh, that's the man who stole the Moeuler Foci.

Dr. Sinclair: Really. Heard he wasn't nearly this handsome.

Dr. Asheworth: I am severely lost at this point. Not five minutes ago, Sinclair and Reynolds were making landfall back at Site-43.

Dr. Wettle: Was Oswalt meant to be Deering? Odd choice, given his body type.

Dr. Asheworth: The actress you've chosen to play Reynders has a downright uncanny resemblance, though. Not sure about her attempt at an accent, though.

MacPhaerson: They, actually. But thank you for noticing! They're one of our patented Vikander-Kneed Pataparadoxical DoppelgangersTM.

D-11424 (Diego Luna): Who… are you?

'Rot' (Guillermo del Toro): I am Rot.

D-11424 backs away in shock.

D-11424 (Luna): That answers surprisingly little.

Dr. Sinclair: Have they— are we the first people to see this?

MacPhaerson: We showed a Japanese dub to those who were involved in the Cleric's path. They liked it well enough.

Dr. Wettle: She said, clearly lying.

MacPhaerson: Hmm?

Dr. Wettle: Nothing. Dialog's a little cheesy at times.

MacPhaerson: It's taken largely verbatim from actual events!

Dr. Wettle: …Largely?

'Rot' (del Toro): …with my essence in another's hands, I will not fade so easily.

'Rot' extends the Moelur Foci to D-1142.

D-11424 (Luna): …I'm not touchin' that.

'Rot' (del Toro): I am Decay. I am that which breaks, I am that which tears asunder. I am the slow return of everything to nothing. I am Fester. I am Wither. I am Entropy. I am Death, and I am Dying. And you, Anthony, are taking the heart.

Hesitantly, D-11424 takes the heart. The scene cuts to Japan, where a storyline with Kaito Eguichi (played by Tadanobu Asano) and Fumiko Tanaka (Kimiko Glen) is already in progress. It is late at night, and Eguchi is seen looking longingly at Tanaka as he stands guard over their camp.

Dr. Asheworth: I do not approve of the romance subplot between them.

MacPhaerson: Oh? How come?

Dr. Asheworth: I had the privilege of interviewing Kaito after the Impasse ended. He barely knows Tanaka, and they're, at best, reluctant acquaintances almost three years later. Plus, the age differential between them…

Dr. Sinclair is heard coughing uncomfortably.

MacPhaerson: How many women has DiCaprio dated that are half his age?

Dr. Sinclair: Talking of ages… Adams is almost a decade my elder, and Keith David is way older than Monty. Couldn't you have found someone closer to our actual—

MacPhaerson: Age is just a number, and in Hollywood that number is very malleable.

Chief Ibanez: Subtitles need to be bigger. My eyesight's not what it used to be.

MacPhaerson: That can be fixed in post. Anyone here need an audio guide device?

Dr. Wettle: Mari, as your husband, can I ask a question?

MacPhaerson: Nope! But I can tell you that the answer is exactly what you think it is.

Dr. Wettle: …I assume it's the post-credits scene?

MacPhaerson: Of course!

Dr. Wettle: That might not be a good idea to show people here.

MacPhaerson: Eh, worst comes to worst, you get amnestics.

Dr. Okorie: What are you and one of your wives babbling about over there, Wettle?

Dr. Wettle sighs, opens the lid of his cup, and takes a deep drink.

Dr. Wettle: You'll see.

Wettle attempts to set his cup down. It spills, and several dozen liters of soda land on his pants, far more than what the cup can conceivably hold, before Wettle rights it with a sigh.

Dr. Wettle: Fuck! …Bottomless. Heh.

Dr. Sinclair: I have to know: how'd you manage to pull this off?

MacPhaerson: Pull what off?

Dr. Sinclair: That's clearly Benedict Cumberbatch! You have him voicing an SCP! That's a Veil breach!

MacPhaerson: So the rest of the cast is fine, but you draw your line at Cumberbatch?

Dr. Sinclair: Did you make this using generative AI? Deepfakes? What?

MacPhaerson: AI? Do you really think that low of us? Please. That's actually him. All of the actors are the actual actors, just… not all of them are our actual actors, you get it? Besides, do you know how many people will read lines without any context for a big enough paycheck? How do you think we— I mean they got Christopher Lloyd in that awful Foodfight movie?

Dr. Sinclair: …As much as I hate to admit it, that does make sense.

SCP-1867 (Cumberbatch): But aye, the Coalition counts down to obsolescence. They seek control over the thaumic world, as if they could tame magic! You'd sooner tame a tarrasque than thaumics!

Dr. Sinclair: Wait, did you just imply you're responsible for Foodfight?

MacPhaerson: Animation isn't my department. But we may have had something to do with the original data for the film vanishing.

Dr. Reynolds: …Why?

MacPhaerson: Oh, we were trying to do this whole thing with testing if we could get engagement from internet reviewers before they disgraced themselves en masse.

Dr. Asheworth: Okay, I just have one question: who is playing Bowe?

Dr. Sinclair: That's what I'm dreading, frankly.

Dr. Wettle: What the fuck was the name of this Bowe again? Prescott? Charlie?

Dr. Reynolds: Martin, I think.

Dr. McDoctorate: This bastard shot you both, nearly killed your unborn daughter, and you didn't learn his name?

Dr. Reynolds: In fairness, we were actively trying to not die, Place.

As Reynolds and King Delbáeth — played by Martin Freeman — are conversing, an actor is seen from the back, holding a component of SCP-6500. The camera pans around to the front, revealing Nicholas Cage, wearing standard Global Occult Coalition fatigues.

Martin Bowe (Cage): All right, freaks, you got five seconds to drop whatever you're carrying, or I'm blowing this part of the Codex to fuckin' smithereens!

MacPhaerson: That's our first F-Bomb in the SCPCU! I'm so proud.

Dr. Reynolds: …How… I… what?!

Dr. McDoctorate: Next time I see Sage, she owes me $50. I knew Cage was a parathreat, but she didn't believe me!

Dr. Sinclair: You only bet her fifty?!

Dr. McDoctorate: I go easy on her. She's got student loans to consider.

Dr. Okorie: I just got an overwhelming sense of deja vu.

MacPhaerson: Cage isn't anomalous. He just owes us a fuckton of money. We could get him to star in a snuff film if we wanted! But we have ethics, unlike some people here.

Chief Ibanez: Wait, I thought that Cage owed a ton of money to the American tax service…

MacPhaerson: Well, the three sequels to Raising Arizona we greenlit ended up not making a cent, so we had to keep his contract somewhere.

Dr. Sinclair: Dr. Wettle? I am so sorry you have to put up with this on a regular basis.

MacPhaerson: If you think that's bad, wait until you see what we're getting him for our four-month anniversary!

Chief Ibanez: Isn't that in June?

MacPhaerson: Exactly!

Dr. Okorie: Can I at least be excused for this next part?

MacPhaerson: What, you don't want to relive your trauma of being trapped in a hostile afterlife, separated from your future girlfriend?

Dr. Reynolds: …Hold on, Udo. I thought you were seeing Dr. Astrauskas from ETTRA.

Chief Ibanez: We both are.

Dr. Reynolds: I need to talk to Bailey about the relationship declaration forms at 87 at some point.

Chief Ibanez: Updating them?

Dr. Sinclair: Hopefully more 'abolishing' them…

Dr. Okorie stands and heads to the restroom at the rear of the auditorium as the projector displays the moments when, after the recovery of the Leading Edge, she is stuck in the dimension of Corbenic. Shortly after, the following scene occurs:

Ibanez (Saldana) has the Leading Edge placed directly under Dr. McDoctorate's nose (played by American astronomer Clifford Stoll, as he appeared circa 1990) in a threatening gesture, after Dr. Okorie is seemingly sacrificed.

Ibanez: (Saldana): It's not a fucking sacrifice. It's a sequel hook.

Groaning is heard from all Foundation personnel, except Dr. McDoctorate and Chief Ibanez. Dr. Okorie returns to her seat as this scene occurs.

Dr. Okorie: What are we groaning at?

Dr. Wettle: VKTM added in the cheesiest line of dialog I've ever heard.

Dr. Asheworth: Are you positive that Joss Whedon didn't work on this film?

MacPhaerson: That's taken verbatim, actually.

Dr. Sinclair: Bullshit!

Dr. McDoctorate: She… did say that.

As the film continues playing, transitioning to the Foundation Elimination Coalition invading Sloth's Pit, Wisconsin, all eyes turn to Chief Ibanez.

Chief Ibanez: …Look. It was a long day, and between me losing Udo, facing off against that… thing and Place going on and on about pataphysics… it seemed the right thing to say!

Dr. Sinclair: Hopefully your banter improves by the time you face down Crocker again. It's a vital survival skill in Sloth's Pit.

Chief Ibanez: Can we just write that down as heat of the moment and move on?

Dr. Wettle: How much longer is this?

MacPhaerson: Oh, about twenty more minutes, counting the post-credits scene.

Dr. McDoctorate: …You can't let them sit through that.

MacPhaerson: What, are you going to quote some metafictional bullhonkey as to why I can't?

Dr. McDoctorate 'Three can keep a secret if two of them are dead'.

MacPhaerson: Oh sweetie, Threshold's not a secret. You're just ineffective.

Dr. McDoctorate: How do you—

Dr. Sinclair: What are you on about?

Dr. Wettle: You'll see. Wait for the end credits scene.

MacPhaerson: Technically it's mid-credits. Those get way more engagement in the current environment.

The credits begin to play.

In Order Of Appearance:

George Clooney as Dr. Harry Blank

David Tennant as Director Allan McInnis

Taraji P. Henson as Dr. Udo Okorie

Zoe Saldana as Chief Delfina Ibanez

Steven Seagal as Dr. William Wallace Wettle

Christina Hendricks as Dr. Lillian Lillihammer

Amy Adams as Dr. Katherine Jean Sinclair

Keith David as Dr. Montgomery Reynolds4

Ernie Hudson as Dr. Obi Okorie

Tom Holland as Agent Robert J. Tofflemire

Patton Oswalt as Phil Deering / SCP-5056

Diego Luna as D-11424/Tony Marquez

Jeremy Renner as Dr. Logan Arceo

Tadanobu Asano as Kaito Eguchi

Kimiko Glen as Fumiko Tanaka

Clifford Stoll5 as Dr. Placeholder McDoctorate

Charlize Theron as Agent Seren Pryce

Henry Cavill as Dr. Daniel Asheworth

Michał Żebrowski as Dr. Asheworth (Polish Speaking Voice)

Kelly Marie Tran as the voice of Dr. Athenodora Cat

Doug Jones as Agent Jacob Wexley

Diego Luna as Agent Daniel Navarro

Alicia Vikander as Dr. Lara Cruz

Phoebe Waller-Bridge as Dr. Lea Zer6

Mason Alexander Park as Dr. Justine Everwood

Scarlett Johansson as the motion capture model for SCP-179.

Orlando Jones as "Aunt Nancy"

Benedict Q. Cumberbatch7 as the voice of SCP-1867.

Martin Freeman as King Delbáeth of Hy-Brasil

Ben Schwartz as the voice of the "ROUNDERPEDE"

Trace Lysette as Faeowynn Wilson

Willem DaFoe as the voice of SCP-035

Dr. Wettle is heard groaning. Chief Ibanez turns her camera to face him. He is clutching his forehead.

Chief Ibanez: Hey. Seagal might not have been the best choice, but… he could've done a lot worse! Right?

Dr. Wettle: Why are you being nice to me?

Chief Ibanez: …Okay, I'll be honest. Seagal was the worst possible choice to play you and I'm showing some sympathy.

Dr. Wettle: Oh. Thank you?

Dr. Sinclair: Here comes the lauded mid-credits scene. Let's see how bad this— what the fuck?

The video quality of this portion appears as if it was shot on a hand-held camera, a notable downgrade from the rest of the picture. It shows the interior of the O5 Council's chambers at Site-[REDACTED], and depicts all of the O5s present as themselves. O5-0 is visible in a platform at the center.

Dr. Reynolds: What is this?

MacPhaerson: Pla— Temporary footage.

Dr. Wettle: …That's O5-4…

Dr. Okorie: How on Earth do you of all people know what O5-4 looks like?

Dr. McDoctorate: It… it is. Trust us on this.

Dr. Sinclair: No, that… that figure in the center. It matches depictions of Norris Arklay. One of the possible identities of O5-0.

Dr. Okorie: That looks a lot like Nur, honestly… what the Hell is happening?

O5-0: The Foundation is the cause. The sole cause. Every time you lock up an anomaly, every time you conduct a test or publish a document — steal the Natural elements and apply your artificial understandings and definitions — you choke magic out of reality. O5-0 sighs and relaxes their restraints. A Foundation that secures and contains is incompatible with the anomalous.

Prolonged silence on the recording, other than the film playing. Dr. Sinclair takes in a horrified gasp.

Dr. Asheworth: …What kind of sick joke is VKTM playing here? I thought— if this is supposed to make some kind of point about the Truth, or about how the Foundation is evil, we get it. But it… this isn't — this can't —

O5-0: Humanity existed long before the Foundation. You tell yourselves that you're preventing countless untold apocalypses and raptures, but you're preventing change. You prevent the entropic effects of the Natural world on the artificial and, in so doing, cause the accelerated entropy of the Natural.

Dr. Wettle: It's true.

Chief Ibanez: Dr. Wettle, I recognize you're a pessimist, but how can you possibly know that any of this actually happened?

Dr. McDoctorate: Okay, you remember a few years back, how our thylacine cloning initiative to contain SCP-12987 and a few other things got leaked, and nobody could figure out how it leaked?

Dr. Sinclair: Of course. There's a population of them in the zoo in Duluth now. But what does—

Audio briefly cuts out on the camera feeds; The Foundation personnel talk amongst themselves as their faces display a combination of shock and resignation. Dr. Okorie appears to have crushed her cup of soda in apparent anger. Reynolds holds onto Sinclair as she stares at Drs. Wettle and McDoctorate in disbelief. Chief Ibanez scowls, gripping onto her armrest.

Tense music plays.

O5-13: The votes are 6 for, 6 against.

O5-13 frowns in thought, then lets out a long sigh.

O5-13: I vote—

The screen cuts to black, and the film ends.

MacPhaerson applauds.

MacPhaerson: Wooo! What a cliffhanger!

All other personnel are silent. Dr. Asheworth appears to be nauseous, briefly, before wildly gesticulating.

Dr. Asheworth: Cholery nikt z nas o tym nie wiedział?! To idzie na sam szczyt, ponad szczyt!

Dr. Sinclair: I… I left the Hand. I left the Hand. Why did I… I could have stopped…

Dr. Okorie: We got some of the Crown at Site-43, I… I remember seeing it in the Abatement catalog, and… I guess this makes sense.

Dr. Reynolds: None of this makes sense. None of it.

MacPhaerson: Oh, it will once you've seen the sequel. We did something ambitious with it!

Dr. Wettle: Mari, shut it.

MacPhaerson: Don't talk back to your wife, Willie!

Dr. Wettle: I'm married to VTKM as a whole. And what you've just— why?! Why show this to any of us?!

MacPhaerson: William, come on, really? Winnie's doing great by the way, did you get her letters?

Dr. Wettle: Mari—

MacPhaerson: I'm terribly sorry, I'd love to continue this conversation, but I have a meeting regarding voice acting rights for our exciting new animated spin-off of the SCP Cinematic Universe, What About…? Feel free to stretch your legs before part two starts!

MacPhaerson's seat tilts back, and she vanishes into the floor. Ibanez feels at the carpet of the theater for seams, and finds none.

Dr. Asheworth: …What do we do now?

Dr. Sinclair: I-I have… I have a daughter… oh God, what if the Foundation… what if they use her as collateral? I can't know this, I need amnestics, I need to get away.

Dr. McDoctorate: What are you going to do, get back in the magic coffee shop?

Dr. Wettle: Dr. Sinclair, if I may? Place, myself, and at least six other people have known about this since the end of 2021. We're still alive.

Dr. Reynolds: Who else?

Dr. Wettle: Uh… Dan Navarro. Dr. Doja Cat…

Dr. McDoctorate: He means Athenodora Cat. Also— Ibanez, have you been recording this?

Chief Ibanez: …Fuck. I have. Asheworth's got monitoring equipment on him, too. What do we—

Dr. Okorie: Katherine, come over here for a moment? Dan, Fina, look at me.

Dr. Sinclair walks over to Dr. Okorie, who wraps her in a hug. Sinclair returns the hug; the combined thaumic auras of the two Type Blue personnel cause the recording equipment to fail.

END LOG

Currently, it is believed that several members of Foundation personnel have been radicalized by Splinter Cell 6500-01 ("The Threshold" or "Threshold Guardians"), a group of Foundation dissidents dedicated to independently recovering, studying and utilizing anomalous items that are of Artifact level— i.e. capable of undoing or halting another Impasse. The following members of personnel, and their respective Sites, have been added to monitoring by MTF Lambda-11:

Dr. Katherine Sinclair

Dr. Montgomery Reynolds

Dr. Udo Okorie

Chief Delfina Ibanez

Director Daniel Asheworth

However, due to the relative ineffectiveness of Splinter Cell 6500-01 (see documentation for Splinter Cell 6500-01's failed attempts at recovering Dante's Atlas, the Bell of Entropy, and the Daedalic Manuscripts) it is currently believed that minimal threat is posed by this faction, and the greater threat comes from the possibility that SCP-8650 is distributed among the larger population of Foundation personnel, and the greater anomalous community.

Footnotes

1. Seagal's testimony was found to be unreliable; under the influence of a truth serum, he confessed that he had had no interaction with the Foundation or any groups of interest since the early 1990s, during the 'Unholywood' incident.

2. An inspection of Goldbaker-Reinz contracts after the containment of SCP-8650 has shown no references to VKTM or other companies.

3. Fionn Sharke Esq. VP of Vikander-Kneed's LEGAL Department.

4. At the time, Reynolds did not possess a Foundation-issued doctorate, making this inaccurate.

5. Appearing as he did circa 1990

6. The five above performers are credited, but do not appear in the cut of the film that was delivered to the Foundation; a 'Not-For-Any-Director's Cut' has been advertised in other VTKM products, but is unavailable to purchase by any Foundation personnel.

7. Erroneously credited; Cumberbatch's middle names are "Timothy Carlton".