She has a lot of work. I do too. I miss her smile.



And my lungs will grow cancers

And my back it will grow achy

I will buy us an acre

Of some land in the city

We could live there together

Or I'll live alone less happy

But I'll live

Unfortunately.

(Love in the Time of Human Papillomavirus, AJJ)

SCP-5796

Image: Website icon created by Agente Shuffle

My authorpage!

Item#: 5796

Containment Class: keter

Secondary Class: none

Disruption Class: gevurah

Risk Class: notice

Special Containment Procedures: As SCP-5796 is only accessible on Foundation servers, civilian interference is unlikely. All Foundation members are to remain unaware of the web address of SCP-5796, and any personnel without Level 4 clearance attempting to, or have already accessed SCP-5796 are to be reprimanded and punished. All testing with SCP-5796 must go through Site Director Amelia Werchester.

Description: SCP-5796 is a dating website, named "Soulmate Connection Program," that is exclusively accessible via Foundation servers. The site cannot be blocked or removed through any known means, including redirection. SCP-5796 generates dating profiles for all individuals affiliated with the Foundation, including D-Class personnel, humanoid anomalies,1 and the O5 council.

SCP-5796's logo.

These profiles contain personal information, such as legal name, age, and gender preference, and are created without the knowledge of the individuals in question. However, the text style of the profiles is consistent with the manner in which the person would write.

SCP-5796 is equipped with several features, such as a private messaging system, customizable profiles, and a site search function, which showcases a list of every Foundation site, with all employed personnel. Any personnel accessing SCP-5796 will automatically be logged in to their assigned profile, with no option to log out or delete their account. SCP-5796 does not create accounts for individuals who are in a relationship.2

Further Notes:

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PASS: * * * * * * * * * * * * *

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Journal Entry 5/19/2013

So turns out, there's an SCP dating website. Great. Fun! The higher ups don't know where this came from nor do anyone else. Guess it's just something random that fucks us over. Gonna run a few tests on this thing, tell 'em if I see anything unusual.

I was told to write down my notes, but I'm out of paper. On the file it goes.

Journal Entry 5/21/2013

Real creepy invasion of privacy. I checked my "profile", and it was way to detailed for my liking. Written how I talk, including pics of myself. Even knows about my cat. Gross. I'm gonna avoid checking other people's profiles for now.

Journal Entry 5/22/2013

Got a notif in the corner that said "All Alone on a Wednesday Night? God, you're pathetic."

Fuck you too, SCP-5796. I'm done testing.

Journal Entry 5/26/2013

Fine. Fine, I'll continue checking this site out.

Looking through all the different sites, you don't need to be a person to use this, since I found Dr. Crow. That's fun. I looked at Site-19, didn't catalogue any anomalies below 18 so that's uh. Good as well. Gonna keep looking, lemme jot this down.

PROPOSED REVISION: These profiles contain personal information, such as legal name, age, and gender preference, and are created without the knowledge of the individuals in question. However, the text style of the profiles is consistent with the manner in which the person would write. All profiles on SCP-5796 are persons who are above the age of eighteen, and are completely aware and able to consent romantically and sexually.

Gonna need to change the wording but hey, I got plenty of time. I'll continue to update it.

Journal Entry 5/27/2013

Turns out I'm not the only person using this site, either I gotta punish someone or act like I'm completely oblivious. She commented on my profile, lemme copy it real quick.

I would say you're in major trouble, but I don't want you reporting me to the others. So keep this between us.

Others? Interesting. Says her name is Kaitlan Ademola. I think, I'll check that again later.

Journal Entry 6/5/2013

Alright I need to log some other stuff. That's what this journal is for.

There's options to like posts and comments, and "follow" people, showing their posts. These posts are stuff whatever these people are doing, taken by..someone. Can't tell who, no reflection or anything.

Gonna spy a bit on other people. Just for testing purposes.

PROPOSED REVISION: These profiles contain personal information, such as legal name, age, and gender preference, and are created without the knowledge of the individuals in question. However, the text style of the profiles is consistent with the manner in which the person would write. All profiles on SCP-5796 are persons who are above the age of eighteen, and are completely aware and able to consent romantically and sexually. Frequently, the profiles will update with recent events for whatever person.

I'll make it better later. Just got to text her back.

Journal Entry 6/6/2013

I'm so depraved, man

Jesus fuckin' christ. I'm sitting here, browsing her profile. I need to go touch grass. I contemplated commenting "kind of a MILF" under one of her pics but I realized I feel like such a creep doing that. Gonna take a break, check up with you again later.

Journal Entry 6/9/2013

Alright, I'm doin' better. Someone walked into my office but thankfully he was completely oblivious to me oogling at some ladies profile. Just told him it's some scp reports and he did what he needed i guess. It was something about testing with SCP-whatever so I gave him the pass.

Made me realize how weird I am. Gonna need a few more days to myself.

Journal Entry 6/12/2013

She messaged me sdfaskhfhk

We chatted for a little bit and she is a lot more down to earth than I first thought, incredibly nice, even called me "hun". She seems to know a bit about me but I got no clue. Might be another supervisor, her profile doesn't list where she works. Probably not relevant. I hope.

Journal Entry 6/13/2013

Talked some more.

Both of us like Talking Heads, she told me she saw them live once. Told her that we should meet up someday. She said her job takes up the majority of her time but she will try to fit me into her schedule. I want her so bad it's drivin me mad. (yknow. beatles reference. i still want her either way)

Looked at her profile more, she loves books. I typically don't read for fun but I'll try sometime later.

Journal Entry 6/16/2013

Chatted more, she wasn't as active but it's clear she's interested. Lemme grab a screenshot..

Kaitlan Ademola

Sorry for all the awkward small talk, not really sure how to have a big convo

Don't worry about it dear, I'm not typically a chatter either. But it's not like I'll mock you for saying something odd.

Thank you lol

Don't worry. I'm free tomorrow, actually. We could meet up if you don't have much to do.

YES

I mean. Sure.

You're cute.

changed my schedule. im hoping she doesnt find me creepy irl

Journal Entry 6/18/2013

Met her in person. She's a lot taller than I first thought. Not that its a bad thing of course (I like tall girls) but me being 5'5 and her being like. I think almost six feet was awkward. We went to this nice restaurant, we didn't mention work.

She was a lot nicer in person. Kept her formal way of speaking. Gonna see if we can do something else later.

Journal Entry 6/20/2013

Continued to chat, I got her number now at least. She told me she was really busy for the weekend, decided to actually focus on work stuff for now. I'll update this later.

Journal Entry 6/21/2013

We talked about our life at home. Told her about my cat, Elvis Pawsley. She thought the name was really cute. I asked about her pets but she said she never had one, which makes me sad.

Maybe I can invite her over? She might like Elvis.

Journal Entry 6/23/2013

I told her about my family. She reminds me of my mom a bit. This doesn't say anything about me, does it?

God damn it, Freud. You win again.

Journal Entry 6/25/2013

Went on another date with her. Second one, this time to a much cheaper place to see if she y'know. Isn't in it for the money.

She laughed at my cheesy jokes again.

I think I might be ready to tell her.

Journal Entry 6/26/2013

We talked more.

Kaitlan Ademola

I love you

FUCK that was

that was a mistake aa

Pfft. You're cute.

Huh? Wha

Hasn't even been long, but you're already so sweet. Don't think I've had someone treat me as nice as you.

I love you too, hun.

Journal Entry 6/30/2013

Her account and mine got updated, says "dating". Maybe this SCP isn't so bad. Will update you later.

Journal Entry 7/03/2013

She sent me a. not very safe for work pic of herself.

She's fucking gorgeous.

Journal Entry 7/08/2013

We went on yet another date. This time we watched a movie together. We were holding hands the entire time.

Kaitlan Ademola

I'm happy to have met you<3

Aw, you make me blush. I'm blessed to meet you as well.

Do you wanna hang out tomorrow? Y'know, just us two at my place. I got snacks.

I'd love to see you.

:D

Journal Entry 6/26/2013

We met up at my house.

We had dinner, we watched stuff on the couch

We did. Stuff

I love her touch. She also finds Elvis adorable.

Journal Entry 6/28/2013

Kept talking, kept sending pics. I don't know what to put here, really.

Kaitlan Ademola

Listen. You're nuts.

Me? Pfft, it's good music.

Shut upppp. duran duran is a one hit wonder, you nut.

Does that make it bad? Maybe hungry like the wolf was just so much better.

Lies. Talking heads has SO many hits.

Did duran duran make Swamp? Checkmate.

Fair enough.

Hungry Like the Wolf is mid.

Journal Entry 7/14/2013

Sorry for not updating. She said she has a lot of work to do. I do too.

I miss her smile.

Journal Entry 7/16/2013

She told me she'll be gone for the next few days. Gonna follow her feed, maybe there's something interesting.

Journal Entry 7/17/2013

FUCK

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

Okay so uh bad news. Kaitlan is way out of my league.

Like.

Met up with the other O5s about ΩK "End of Death" discussion. Finally prepared something in case it does come, SCP-3287.

She's a fucking O5 member. What the fuck. What the fuck is omega K?? end of death??

Journal Entry 7/18/2013

She hasn't realized that I saw that post, or that the post is there yet. I haven't said anything to her.

Journal Entry 7/19/2013

Kaitlan Ademola

Hello?

Are you there? You haven't said much to me recently.

If you have an important day, please tell me.

Honey? Are you okay?

I'm here if you need to talk, please don't ghost me.

I love you.

I'm so sorry.

Journal Entry 7/21/2013

I told her that I know the truth. She hasn't said anything all day.

If anything happens, I'm sorry.

Journal Entry 7/25/2013

Nothing.

Journal Entry 7/30/2013

Kaitlan Ademola

I'm sorry. I didn't want to know about this. I still love you.

Journal Entry 8/1/2013

Nothing.

Journal Entry 8/2/2013

Still nothing.

Journal Entry 8/3/2013

Nothing.

Journal Entry 8/6/2013

Guess who stopped by my office?

It's nice to see her again. She sat in my office awkwardly. She pat my shoulder, gave me a kiss. I asked her if I'm going to be amnesticized. She didn't say anything. She left after a few minutes.

Journal Entry 8/6/2013

Just get a message. Being demoted. I should've known.

I know she didn't send it, said it was gross negligence or whatever. Damn it. I knew I fucked up the second I opened that website. I'm gonna forget all of this. Forget the Foundation and forgetting her.

Please. I don't want to forget.

Journal Entry 8/17/2013

I miss her. Haven't seen her since.

I just want to hear her voice again. Feel her lips. I want to see her again.

Journal Entry 9/1/2013

I'm sorry, Amelia. This is for your own good. I love you.

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Footnotes

1. With limited internet access.

2. This excludes those in polyamorous relationships seeking more than one partner.

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