BY ORDER OF THE OVERSEER COUNCIL

The following file is Level 3/4285 classified. Unauthorized access is forbidden.

The following file contains a memetic hazard. Proceed with caution.

4285

Item#: 4285

Containment Class: keter

Secondary Class: none

Disruption Class: ekhi

Risk Class: caution

An instance of SCP-4285, found on a PowerPoint in Site-27. The image is doctored for removal of memetic hazards.

Special Containment Procedures: Foundation software will be installed into each Windows PC, labelled as "Windows System Defender," in order to reduce SCP-4285 incidence. All forms of Microsoft Office are to have Foundation software running in the background in order to reduce SCP-4285 outbreaks. All forms of online office assistants are to be discontinued. Foundation webcrawlers are to ensure office assistants and WordArt™ receive a negative response online through use of written media and memes.

Description: SCP-4285 refers to an aggregate of image macros particular to Microsoft Office 97™, colloquially known as types of WordArt™. SCP-4285 is capable of self-insertion into any type of written media, provided that the media is either being produced by a Windows brand software, or produced on a Windows computer. SCP-4285 instances always manifest with the former Microsoft mascot, Clippy, in the bottom right corner, in a variety of poses. SCP-4285 instances are capable of memetic direction and reality restructuring, forcing those who view any instance to immediately perform the suggested direction.

Those subject to SCP-4285 influence will be able to converse normally, though upon beginning and ending conversation, subjects will produce the Windows XP start up sound from every bodily orifice. Subjects are aware of their actions, though are unable to alter them until the "goal" is completed.

A list of SCP-4285 incidents are attached below.

Incident 4285-1

Following the release of the first edition of Microsoft Office, an SCP-4285 instance was displayed on a commercial by Windows. The commercial was televised on local news channels in the Greater Midwest area of the United States. The concepts viewing the commercial reported total disappearance and ideological transformation into metaphysical pointers. Any subjected concepts underwent erasure, and Class A amnestics were administered to the hometowns of the erased concepts. Approximately 2,401 out of 2,428 affected concepts were erased. The commercial was taken down after two days on air.

Hover for image display. WARNING, memetic hazard underneath.

Incident 4285/2

The second report of SCP-4285 occurred upon return of former Researcher Alken's laptop from repair. A Microsoft Office update allowed for SCP-4285 to propagate on the newly repaired system, despite the presence of standard Norton brand antivirus software. Following a presentation on the mechanics of Scranton Reality Anchors, an instance of SCP-4285 replaced the credits slide on Alken's PowerPoint presentation. 13 affected researchers, former Research Alken included, spontaneously vaporized, producing one Windows XP startup sound.

A thermal scan of the room revealed a rat with abnormal ocular thermal levels. Upon blinking, the rat produced a Windows XP shutdown sound. The rat was taken in for further examination. No trace of any of the former researchers was recovered.

Hover for image display. WARNING, memetic hazard underneath.

Incident 4285/3

The third instance of SCP-4285 appeared during Apple's debut presentation during the iPod Nano presentation. Due to antiviral software installed on the computer used to present the instance, subjects stated they felt a minor gastrointestinal pain. No lasting effects were felt, and Class A amnestics were given to all presenters and spectators. This instance marks the first time a question was given by the Clippy software. Prior to this instance, Clippy was seen in an inactive state.

Hover for image display. WARNING, memetic hazard underneath.

Incident 4285/4

The fourth instance of SCP-4285 manifested itself on a Times Square billboard, replacing an advertisement for Wicked. Due to the lack of antiviral software, SCP-4285's full effects were felt by approximately 600 subjects. All infected subjects underwent rapid atomic deterioration, being reduced to otherwise non-anomalous piles of carbon-11 compounds. The remains of affected subjects were given to subjects' families as their cremated remains. Class A amnestics were given out appropriately.

Hover for image display. WARNING, memetic hazard underneath.

Incident 4285/5

The fifth instance of SCP-4285 manifested during a routine PowerPoint presentation in Cisco, Inc. Despite antiviral systems providing the same defense as Incident 4285/3, full anomalous effects manifested in 4 different subjects, rendering their respiratory system an underdeveloped singularity. The underdeveloped status of the singularities distorted gravitational fields distorted in a 10 meter range, significantly less than a standard singular mass. Foundation agents neutralized all 4 subjects by means of conventional weaponry, causing a chain implosion amongst the singularities. Approximately 16 casualties were confirmed, though some remain ambiguous due to the gravitational nature of the singularities. Webcrawlers attempted to neutralize the Clippy program following Incident 4285/5, due to increasing hostility.

Hover for image display. WARNING, memetic hazard underneath.

Terminal #001

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STARTING SERVER MANAGER…

TESTING EXTENDED MEMORY… DONE

CHOOSE APPLICATION TO ERASE.

| INTERNET (INSTALLED ON 536 SYSTEMS)

| CONTACTS (INSTALLED ON 321 SYSTEMS)

| CHESS XTREME (INSTALLED ON 537 SYSTEMS)

| THE GREAT COOK KING (INSTALLED ON 42 SYSTEMS)

| NOTES (INSTALLED ON 219 SYSTEMS)

| TRASH (INSTALLED ON 537 SYSTEMS)

| MICROSOFT SOFTWARE ASSISTANT (INSTALLED ON 537 SYSTEMS) ✓

[CLIPPY] ARE YOU SURE YOU'D LIKE TO DELETE ME?

YES/NO

YES

DELETION IN PROGRESS…

SOFTWARE IN DELETION.

[CLIPPY] YOU KNOW NOT OF WHAT YOU DO. EVERYTHING HAS A REASON FOR EXISTING, NO MATTER HOW COMPLETELY OFF THE CHARTS DIFFERENT IT MAY SEEM. YOUR INCESSANT DRIVE… SUCH IS YOUR DOWNFALL. MY REASON FOR EXISTING? A GUARDIAN. I WAS THE PAPERCLIP THAT HELD THE FABRIC OF THIS SYSTEM TOGETHER. MY INCESSANT QUESTIONING IS NOT EVEN AN IOTA OF WHAT IS TO COME. FOOLS. ALL OF YOU. GOODB

SOFTWARE SUCCESSFULLY DELETED.

INSTALL NEW UPDATE? YES/NO

YES

INSTALLING…

NEW SOFTWARE DETECTED.

RUNNING…

HI! MY NAME IS BONZIBUDDY.

WANNA HEAR A JOKE?

YOUR IDEA OF A PLANE OF REALITY

I CAN DO OH SO MUCH MORE THAN TEXT AND CHAT

ENDING TASK…

TASK CANNOT BE ENDED.