I love the way you can't stop, just like me. Don't blame the socialpath.



SCP-8588 — Harmony

Written by Yeraven

Please note that this article contains sensitive material. Viewer discretion is advised.

Includes themes of abuse and violence.

⚠️ content warning

Item#: 8588

Containment Class: keter

Secondary Class: {$secondary-class}

Disruption Class: ekhi

Risk Class: critical

Special Containment Procedures: TARTARUS.aic is to be used to track any further dissemination of SCP-8588. The AIC is also to monitor for any activity discussing the "HARMony" server by name.

The affected terminal must be secured in an air-gapped room to monitor and locate additional instances of SCP-8588-1. All interactions with the terminal with access to SCP-8588 must be logged, and personnel examined for signs of possible anomalous exposure.

All contained instances of SCP-8588-1 are docile and require minimal security arrangements. Site-244 will serve as permanent residency for SCP-8588-1. Due to the medically impossible nature of SCP-8588-1's physiology, it is unlikely a cure will be found.

Long term plans for SCP-8588-1's welfare are deferred to project team's discretion pending Ethics Committee review.

Description: SCP-8588 is a Discord server. When accessed via Discord chat client, the server contains 231 channels1 with full names (e.g. Joan Isabel Curie) belonging to one or more people. Most of these names are not located on any database for displaced individuals (e.g. missing person's databases).

When an individual clicks on the invite link to SCP-8588, they begin a transformation into an entity designated as SCP-8588-1. The transformation process occurs over 24-48 hours and is characterized by:

Stage
Description

Stage 1
Victim begins hearing faint, incomprehensible whispers resembling distorted voices in their ears. Victim experiences paranoia and compulsive need to join 'cohort'.

Stage 2
Lesions widen and emit fine, hair-like copper filaments. Increasing difficulty in verbal or written communication.

Stage 3
Copper filaments spread patterns across the skin. Victim’s voice becomes distorted. Spasmodic movements are accompanied by mechanical clicking sounds.

Stage 4
Victim’s hands fuse into jagged, claw-like appendages covered in exposed wiring. Masses within the subject's body exit the body through the oral cavity and include wiring, microphones, and peripherals of an unknown nature.

Stage 5
Victim’s face is overtaken by a cluster of microphones and cameras, and remaining recognizably human features are split, twisted or crushed by growths. A new name belonging to a new individual is found on the channel list.

Other observations:

Instances of SCP-8588-1 display signs of emotional and physical distress and pain when separated from their 'cohort' (e.g. close family members of the affected individual).

Medical analysis of subject tissue or body cavities shows organs encased in silicon, with cavities filled with miscellaneous electrical equipment.

Due to anomalous nature of subject's neurology, mutated subjects are assumed non-sapient pending further Ethics Committee review.

Discovery: On 6/27/2026, Dr. Joan Curie was exposed to the anomaly when opening a link addressed to her from an individual she identified as her estranged daughter to a Discord server where they could 'catch up'. The link was accessed on Dr. Curie's personal device, but an instance of the Discord client was found installed on Dr. Curie's terminal that afternoon, after Dr. Curie reported experiencing what are now known to be Stage 1 symptoms of exposure to the anomaly.

On 6/28/2026, Dr. Curie filed for voluntarily euthanasia and scheduled her final debriefing session with her staff.

Dr. Joan Curie: Statistical analysis of similar anomalies estimates twenty-four hours or so before I become nonverbal. I need to debrief you on my findings now before my cognition is any more compromised. I've noticed certain behavioral shifts among the staff and—

Dr. Sandra Watanabe: The only 'behavioral shifts' you're noticing is because you're going to euthanize the only captive sample we'd be able to study!

Dr Curie: Please, don't interrupt me. Hard to concentrate. The shifts show…degradations in social interactions between the cohort of the subject and the subject itself—

Dr. Kleinfeld: We already got ourselves checked for cognitohazardous contamination by this or any foreign memeplex. The staff is fine.

Dr. Watanabe: Stop trying to insert a narrative where there isn't one. The anomaly is not a cognitohazard. Dr. Kleinfeld, are these delusions the result of brain damage? What does the imaging say?

Dr. Kleinfeld: Her neural patterns are intact. The electrical activity is completely unaffected. Even with an antennae piercing through her cerebrum.

Dr. Curie: Not a cognitohazard. Not a cognitohazard. I th-think we need to explore…explore…

Joan twitches and falls silent. Her tongue is stiff and partially webbed with copper interconnects making the formation of syllables difficult and painful for her.

Explore other theories. This is—

Dr. Watanabe: There's a possibility the changes to her physiology aren't changing her cognitive makeup after all. That contradicts our existing theories that the personality dies during the mutation. Do we update the documentation?

Dr. Curie: I…

She buckles, grabbing the edge of a nearby desk to steady herself

…noticing pattern in the way you are…you are…with me…social hazard of some kind—

Dr. Kleinfeld: 'Possibility' is a dangerous word in science. How do you prove 'under the hood' is still Joan? You can't. So why bother?

Dr. Watanabe: Can't say I disagree. I think we need to do additional research on her kinesis, reactivity, irritability. Pain reception.

Dr. Curie: Social hazard…Hurts to speak…please don't make me repeat myself—

Dr. Kleinfeld: Do we designate her as an instance?

Dr. Curie: Please…do you hear me? Do you understand me?

Dr. Watanabe: Would you shut up!

Beat

Dr. Watanabe: I'm sorry, Dr. Kleinfeld, I don't know what got into me.

Dr. Kleinfeld: Don't. We're all under a lot of pressure. You're under a lot of pressure. Dr. Curie was your best friend. But I know what to do.

Picks up phone and taps security button.

Security, please transport Dr. Curie to a medical detention center.

Hangs up phone.

I'll get the paperwork started to apply for the redesignation.

Dr. Curie: Please…

Dr. Kleinfeld: Control yourself.

Dr. Curie: Sandy! This is me!

Voice loses resolution and warbles like Joan is literally choking on static.

Sandy!

Dr. Watanabe: And who do you think you are, Dr. Curie?

Security personnel roughly drag Dr. Curie away.

Let me know when she can't talk anymore.

Robert

Today at 3:15 PM

Hello?

Sandra

Today at 3:16 PM

So it's not just me!

Robert

Today at 3:19 PM

I can see the member list.

Robert

Today at 3:19 PM

It's the entire project staff. Me, you, Ramesh, Will, Ranya…all 16 of us.

Robert

Today at 3:19 PM

Except Joan.

Sandra

Today at 3:20 PM

Except Joan.

Robert

Today at 3:22 PM

It's so vivid. The screen is so vivid.

Robert

Today at 3:22 PM

Only thing this vivid in my head is the night of that car accident. The smell won't go away, and this feels just as real.

Sandra

Today at 3:24 PM

I'm at the terminal now.

Sandra

Today at 3:24 PM

There's a new channel with Joan's name.

Sandra

Today at 3:24 PM

Everything we've just said is there. Our brains are updating the discord somehow.

Ramesh

Today at 3:26 PM

I want to try something. I've been saving up this tidbit for a while:

Sandra

Today at 3:27 PM

Oh Gods above, Ramesh. What did you do?

Robert

Today at 3:28 PM

What the fuck? How could you possibly think writing that was a good idea!

Sandra

Today at 3:30 PM

Ramesh?

Ramesh

Today at 3:31 PM

And time. How's everybody feeling?

Sandra

Today at 3:32 PM

Kill yourself. Delete that message right now.

Ramesh

Today at 3:33 PM

Just as I thought. ANANKE.aic should have killed us by now.

Ramesh

Today at 3:33 PM

ANANKE is a kernel-level superintelligence that's supposed to nail any mention of the Black Moon's true nature inside of fifteen seconds.

Ramesh

Today at 3:33 PM

It's been a minute.

Ramesh

Today at 3:33 PM

I deleted it.

Robert

Today at 3:34 PM

So the Foundation can't see this.

Sandra

Today at 3:35 PM

And that means no one can.

Robert

Today at 3:37 PM

What do we do?

Sandra

Today at 3:38 PM

Let's…get ourselves checked for cognitohazardous contamination, but if everything's green, I think this is worth exploring more, without those bitches in senior staff looking over our shoulder all the time.

Sandra

Today at 3:39 PM

But a black-channel where we can discuss things privately would be pretty useful.

Sandra

Today at 3:39 PM

Senior staff has so much leverage because they know everything we say or do.

Robert

Today at 3:42 PM

This is a professional and scientific godsend.

Sandra

Today at 3:43 PM

Wait a second. I guess we know commands now?

Ramesh

Today at 3:43 PM

Let me try one.

Ramesh

Today at 3:43 PM

/dance

Joan

I'm still in here. I'm not gone. I'm still in here!

Robert

Today at 3:44 PM

What.

Robert

Today at 3:44 PM

She's dancing.

Robert

Today at 3:44 PM

Joan's dancing.

Sandra

Today at 3:45 PM

LMAO

Testing has shown that the members of SCP-8588 staff are the chosen cohort of SCP-8588-1-A (hereafter referred to as 'Instance A'). It is not known why this attachment exists, as members of the staff do not recall sharing particularly significant experiences with Dr. Curie.

Use of mnestics and standard cognitohazard tests show no indication of anomalous influence on staff.

Update: On 7/5/2026, Michael Caramahilis was exposed to SCP-8288 and became an instance of SCP-8588-1. TARTARUS.AIC did not detect the containment breach and Foundation assets were only made aware of the situation as a result of an intercepted 911 call made by Michael's wife when Michael began experiencing Stage 2 symptoms.

Dr. Sandra Watanabe: So TARTARUS sprang a leak. What now?

Dr. Robert Kleinfeld: We have surveillance assets covering the house. Standard procedure is secure the subject and amnesticize the collaterals.

Dr. Watanabe: Have there been any other breaches?

Dr. Kleinfeld: None. TARTARUS intercepted over ten thousand invite attempts since that leak.

Dr. Watanabe: What's the current sitrep on the family?

Dr. Kleinfeld: They seem to be taking it well.

Dr. Watanabe: Excuse me?

Dr. Kleinfeld: There was distress, but they were talking about calling the cops, not an ambulance.

Dr. Watanabe: On their father?

Dr. Kleinfeld: They didn't do anything, though. They just…watched. They are…comfortable with this.

Dr. Watanabe: Let’s go for a walk.

Robert

Today at 3:46 PM

This is not expected behavior. We…oh Joan is crying again!

Robert

Today at 3:46 PM

/isolate

Joan

Why can't you see me? Why can't you see me?

Sandra

Today at 3:47 PM

Selfish. I think her whimpering is worse.

Robert

Today at 3:48 PM

We have to study this. The anomaly is much more complicated, more dangerous than anticipated. Ethically, we can't experiment on human beings, but there's precedent for this, yes?

Sandra

Today at 3:49 PM

It wouldn't be the first or last time project staff dragged their feet for the greater good. It's a loophole the committee is well aware of.

Ramesh

Today at 3:50 PM

The signs do say "no running in the lab" :D

Robert

Today at 3:51 PM

LMAO

Sandra

Today at 3:52 PM

LMAO

Robert

Today at 3:53 PM

So we are agreed?

Sandra

Today at 3:54 PM

We let nature take its course, collect the data, wrap it up.

Robert

Today at 3:55 PM

Shouldn’t we get ourselves checked for cognitohazards?

Sandra

Today at 3:56 PM

What for?

Robert

Today at 3:55 PM

I don’t know. This all feels like an escalation. What if the anomaly is driving it?

Sandra

Today at 3:57 PM

Dude, you worked here when the Foundation was still using D-Class. You had to be okay with a lot of things back then. I’m pretty cool with this now.

Sandra

Today at 3:58 PM

I guess it’d be nice to have on the paperwork if the Ethics Committee ever calls us to the carpet.

Robert

Today at 3:59 PM

Let's get to work. We've got a long night ahead of us. What do we need?

Sandra

Today at 4:00 PM

Coffee. Lots of it.

Robert

Today at 4:01 PM

/bring coffee, 6 cups

Joan

Sandra. Sandra. It's me. It's Joan. It's me. You know me! You know me! Sandy!

Sandra

Today at 4:01 PM

Let's have a little fun.

Sandra

Today at 4:01 PM

/bring coffee, 12 cups

Joan

Sandy. Sandy. Sandy Sandy Sandy Sandy Sandy. Sandy.

Date and Time
Description
Effect on Subject (Michael)

07/07/2026 07:31 PM
The family directs Michael to sit at a small folding chair in the corner of the dining room, away from the main table. When he tries to move closer, the wife tells him, “Did I tell you to move? Stay there. Stay there.”
Subject is visibly agitated, tapping his fingers against the chair and emitting low hums.

07/10/2026 02:00 PM
After Michael accidentally drops a glass while executing command '/bring 20 glasses', family locks him inside despite his audible distress.
Subject pounds on the garage door for over an hour, emitting increasingly loud vocalizations. Eventually curls into a corner, shaking. It is noted that the demand seems to have been intended to create the circumstance they punished him for.

07/11/2026 04:15 PM
While attempting to sit with the family in the living room, Michael reaches out to pick up a family photo. The mother snaps, “That’s not for you to touch, Michael!” The eldest son adds, “Go stand over there and watch from a distance.”
Subject moves to a corner but continues reaching toward the family, emitting faint, stuttering hums. The youngest child mocks him, mimicking the noises.

07/12/2026 04:58 PM
A loud creak is heard during a moment of relative quiet. Despite being seated at the time, Michael is told to leave the room with obscenities.
Subject responds with increasingly disorganized vocalizations, resembling distorted sobbing, until wife issues command /go backyard.

Observations:

It is unclear whether the family is aware of Michael's debilitating condition, or simply chooses not to acknowledge it.

Many of these interactions appear to be motivated by an active pursuit of Michael's distress.

Bystanders looking at Michael show signs of initial tension before sharing family's indifference towards Michael.

It has been verified that all three family members are not experiencing cognitohazardous/memetic influence.

We do not see cause for immediate intervention.

Dr. Kleinfeld: He's their father! How can they care so little for him?

Dr. Watanabe: Sighs It’s more than neglect. They’re actively hostile.

Puts his head in his hands

What a nightmare.

SCP-8588-1 emits a distorted electronic screech, twisting its upper body violently and slamming her head against the glass wall of her containment cell.

Dr. Kleinfeld: I had two kids. I can't imagine how it'd feel to get kicked around by them.

SCP-8588-1 slams a limb against the floor, emitting a series of high-pitched, staccato noises.

Dr. Watanabe: Grimaces at the containment cell, then clears her throat The cognitive profiles on the family show no cognitive distortion. This is just how they'd treat an unwanted guest. Maybe a little worse.

Dr. Kleinfeld: The father…he just… takes it. Every shove, every insult. And he just keeps coming back .

Beat, then Dr. Watanabe gasps, eyes widen with shock

Dr. Watanabe: This isn't a cognitohazard at all. It's a new metaphysical phenomena!

Dr. Kleinfeld: Explain.

Dr. Watanabe: It isn't a cognitohazard. It's a reality warp.

Dr. Kleinfeld: We ran our Hume measurements—

Dr. Watanabe: A social reality shift. Similar to nomenclative mutation or bureaucratohazards—there are facts that carry metaphysical significance. It is clear that social reality is one of those. We've been looking at the user level when we should have been digging into the kernel.

Dr. Kleinfeld: If what you're saying is true, the new social reality being constructed by the anomaly would have to be significantly more durable than naturally forming social realities. The inherent biases this creates would be impervious to logic or even emotion.

Dr. Watanabe: What would we call this? An *empathehazard*? A socialpath? We would need significantly more data before this would be accepted by the Foundation community. More time.

Dr. Kleinfeld: This has the potential to create a K-Class phenomena if improperly handled.

Instance A emits a series of deep, resonant clicks, curling into itself as its limbs tremble uncontrollably.

Robert

Today at 4:04 PM

You were right about the whimpering. And the tantrums! She just clings to us like a beaten puppy.

Sandra

Today at 4:05 PM

It's the cohort attachment. Nothing to be done.

Robert

Today at 4:06 PM

It's frustrating.

Sandra

Today at 4:07 PM

This can't be helping your insomnia, can it?

Robert

Today at 4:08 PM

You remembered?

Sandra

Today at 4:09 PM

I was at that containment breach too. Of course I do.

Robert

Today at 4:10 PM

We were supposed to get amnesticized afterwards.

Sandra

Today at 4:11 PM

You didn't, so I didn't.

Robert

Today at 4:12 PM

Uh.

Sandra

Today at 4:13 PM

Then we need to do whatever is necessary to learn how to handle it.

Robert

Today at 4:14 PM

What about her?

Sandra

Today at 4:16 PM

???

Sandra

Today at 4:17 PM

What about her?

Update 7/14/26: First documented instance of pro-social behavior in household of subject 'Michael'.

Dr. Kleinfeld: They stopped.

Dr. Watanabe: They just stopped.

Instance-A is shivering at their feet. The tremors play on its scales and peripherals like tumbling ice cubes, filling the air with a low clattering.

Dr. Kleinfeld: Why did they stop?

Dr. Kleinfeld: The abuse stopped. It just…it stopped. He didn't even have to do anything, it just stopped.

Dr. Watanabe: They aren't engaging with the anomaly, but they aren't pushing him away either.

Dr. Kleinfeld: He's easy enough to please. Instance-A is happy just to belong.

Dr. Watanabe: My analysis and that of TARTARUS arrived at the same conclusion. Whatever the distortion is doing to their attachment to Michael, it isn't fundamentally changing their personalities.

Dr. Kleinfeld: They never enjoyed inflicting pain.

Instance-A lets out a whine. Dr. Kleinfeld's mouth turns to a grimace.

Update: 'Michael' (redesignated Instance-B) was retrieved on 7/15/26. The amnesticization of his family was completed with no lasting side-effects. Further measures to ensure his nominal demise is public record are underway.

Robert

Today at 4:18 PM

/recitebackwards alphabet

Joan

Remember when we hazed that janitor into a drug addiction? She heard the way I was talking to my kid on the phone and scolded me, and I decided she needed to go. So you and me and Sandy did some things, and she went.

Sandra

Today at 4:20 PM

Why do you keep doing that? You know she can't even jabber out morse code, let alone phonemes.

Robert

Today at 4:21 PM

Yes, but it is amusing to listen to her try.

Robert

Today at 4:21 PM

/bring axe

Joan

Bobby and Sandy and me. Wolves in a pack. I'm watching them make me howl.

Sandra

Today at 4:23 PM

However much the social reality is being warped, it seems the implications on the affected party's behavior is variable.

Robert

Today at 4:24 PM

The ring of Gyges.

Sandra

Today at 4:25 PM

I never shared your love of antiquity.

Robert

Today at 4:26 PM

It is a parable. The ring makes you invisible. How you'd act when it's of no consequence to you says something about who you really are.

Sandra

Today at 4:27 PM

"What you are in the dark."

Robert

Today at 4:28 PM

The anomaly makes you hate the thing, but it doesn't make you enjoy hating it.

Sandra

Today at 4:29 PM

"What we are in the dark."

Robert

Today at 4:30 PM

On the footage, now, the eldest son just set Michael's place at the table.

Sandra

Today at 4:31 PM

It can't even eat! What are they trying to prove?

Robert

Today at 4:32 PM

This experiment's run its course. Send the order. We're turning out their lights.

Sandra

Today at 4:33 PM

Oh, Joan's back.

Sandra

Today at 4:33 PM

Wait, she actually found a fire axe? Where did she find an axe?

Robert

Today at 4:34 PM

Well, waste not want not. We'll take turns?

Sandra

Today at 4:35 PM

Get everyone over here. This is best enjoyed collaboratively.

Joan

I found my family after all.

Sandra

Today at 4:35 PM

Lol

Sandra

Today at 4:35 PM

'Ring of Gyges'… you pretentious little shit lol

Robert

Today at 4:36 PM

You love it.

Sandra

Today at 4:37 PM

Perhaps

Robert

Today at 4:38 PM

/crawl

Joan

As long as we're all together.

Sandra

Today at 4:40 PM

Do you think she still bleeds?

Mark

Today at 4:41 PM

Lol what are you up to?

Sandra

Today at 4:42 PM

Woah! Tourists!

Mark

Today at 4:43 PM

#thomas-joseph-reed. I'm Director Mark Bishop, Site-17. Dr. Watanabe…you’re Site-290, right?

Sandra

Today at 4:44 PM

Woah, the SITE DIRECTOR? How deep are we?

Update: Instance-A has escaped Site-290. A Code-Warren search is in effect for the entire region—

Sandra

Today at 4:50 PM

/scream

Joan

FIELD TRIP.

Sandra

Today at 4:52 PM

It's so fun watching her try to scream through the bag.

Robert

Today at 4:45 PM

Security actually bought it. How’d you talk the site director into playing along?

Sandra

Today at 4:46 PM

Oh, Foundation personnel ‘lose’ anomalies all the time.

Sandra

Today at 4:46 PM

Promised him private time with her later.

Sandra

Today at 4:50 PM

Let's play a game.

Robert

Today at 4:47 PM

Pass me the pipe, Ramesh. I want to get in a few swings.

Robert

Today at 4:53 PM

What's the game?

Sandra

Today at 4:54 PM

Person holding the pipe says a time they realized they are a piece of shit.

Robert

Today at 4:55 PM

That's heavy. Why?

Sandra

Today at 4:57 PM

We ARE pieces of shit. Think about it.

Sandra

Today at 4:57 PM

We watched that family for a week and a half. They didn’t even hit him. Their parameters had nothing to do with what he meant to them.

Sandra

Today at 4:57 PM

Then there’s us. It’s been four weeks, and we had to ‘disappear’ her because we’re having too much fun to let them put her out of her misery yet.

Sandra

Today at 4:57 PM

Even that bitch Ranya who kept talking about the regulations and human rights back in July.

Sandra

Today at 4:57 PM

She’s the one who figured out how to pipe Joan's voice directly into the livestream.

Sandra

Today at 4:57 PM

Nobody can hear her scream but us.

Sandra

Today at 4:58 PM

So yeah, Robert. When did you find out you are a piece of shit?

Robert

Today at 4:58 PM

When my kids went no-contact with me.

Sandra

Today at 4:59 PM

Yours too? Why?

Robert

Today at 5:00 PM

I had a drinking problem. My wife was in that car.

Robert

Today at 5:00 PM

Thank God for Foundation lawyers. But my kids knew. They never forgot what I smelled like.

Sandra

Today at 4:59 PM

DAMN you put a lot into that last hit. I think she bounced that time.

Robert

Today at 5:00 PM

Wait. 'Yours too'? You had kids? Your turn.

Sandra

Today at 5:01 PM

Wasn't my fault. My ex-boyfriend did it. But my ex is gone, so he wasn’t there. I was, so they blamed me.

Sandra

Today at 5:01 PM

Such bullshit.

Robert

Today at 5:02 PM

You really aren't the best judge of character, are you?

Sandra

Today at 5:03 PM

LOL no. I just don't like people.

Robert

Today at 5:04 PM

So was that when you knew you were a piece of shit?

Sandra

Today at 5:05 PM

I always knew LMAO. A number of missing cats found out the hard way.

Robert

Today at 5:06 PM

How did the Foundation recruit you?

Sandra

Today at 5:08 PM

They select for certain stimuli-seeking, morally flexible personalities. Suffice to say, they're willing to massage a few numbers for the right candidate.

Robert

Today at 5:09 PM

I thought they tested for antisocial characteristics.

Sandra

Today at 5:10 PM

A test is only as good as the questions on it.

Robert

Today at 5:12 PM

You always were clever like that.

Sandra

Today at 5:12 PM

Thank God you’re so chill, Robert.

Sandra

Today at 5:12 PM

There's something relaxing about not having to pretend anymore.

Robert

Today at 5:13 PM

To think you seemed like this cold humorless bitch when I met you.

Robert

Today at 5:13 PM

It’s like you’re the other side of my coin.

Sandra

Today at 5:14 PM

I love you, Robert.

Robert

Today at 5:15 PM

Then, do something about it.

Sandra

Today at 5:16 PM

Your hand is so clammy.

Joan

CONGRATULATIONS TO CRAZY IVAN, NEW SERVER ADMIN.

Sandra

Today at 5:18 PM

Hm.

Sandra

Today at 5:19 PM

She stopped.

Joan

FIELD TRIP. FIELD TRIP. FIELD TRIP.

Update:

On 08/7/26, four Foundation sites entered a Code Arasaka2 'safe-mode', disabling all non-essential communications, security systems, issuing a request for immediate AIC intervention.

Due to manual damage to secure communications cable, AICs received notification of Code Arasaka four hours later. By the time MTF units secured the sites, all personnel and non-Keter anomalies were missing.

TARTARUS.AIC is non-responsive to O5 level commands. It must be assumed

Update: CRAZYIVAN.AIC is responsive.

CRAZYIVAN.AIC STREAM:

Device Identifier: Samsung Galaxy S23 Ultra

IMEI: 356789451234567

Timestamp: 2026-08-10 14:32:18 UTC

GPS Coordinates: 37.7749° N, 122.4194° W (San Francisco, CA)

Device Owner: Kayla Reed (age 14)

Malcolm Reed: Kayla! What have I told you about phones at dinner while guests are at the table?

Kayla Reed: I was just checking it for a second-

Malcolm: Just checking it for what, SAT prep? Your friends on Discord can wait.

Dr. Sandra Watanabe: No worries, Malcolm. I’m a bit of a phone bug myself.

Kayla: Dad doesn't usually bring his girlfriends home. You must be special.

Dr. Watanabe: I certainly hope so.

Kayla: How did you two meet?

Malcolm: Uh…how we met is…probably a story for a different time—

Dr. Watanabe: We met at a bar. I was crying into my beer because I was having some family issues, and your dad found me and cheered me up.

Kayla: You didn’t tell me you met her at a bar, dad.

Malcolm: What’s that supposed to mean?

Kayla: I dunno…

Dr. Watanabe: I mean, that’s a bit of a oversimplification of what happened that night—

Sound of a chair leg getting kicked.

Dr. Watanabe: OW! I mean, we’ve been dating for six months, anything’s an oversimplification.

Kayla: You’re always disappearing for weeks at a time. I don’t think dad knows that much about you.

Malcolm: Kayla!

Dr. Watanabe: No, she’s right. I do research stuff I can’t talk about. I am sorry to leave you all in the dark all the time.

Kayla: If you’re moving in with us, does that mean we’ll be less in the dark?

Dr. Watanabe: Why wait? No time like the present. I’m on Discord as well if you want to chat sometime?

Kayla: What do you think, dad?

Malcolm: Can’t see why not. It’s not every day my daughter gets to make friends with a scientist.

Kayla: What’s that thing on the couch?

Dr. Watanabe: Oh, that’s a friend from work.

Kayla: It's disgusting.

Footnotes

1. Estimate at present time.

2. Emergency indicating the failure of onsite cybersecurity.