Item #: SCP-7287

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: 24-hour surveillance is to be maintained over all sentient anomalies in Foundation containment, with MTF Omicron-8 "Send in the Clowns" keeping watch in case of an SCP-7287 event. [RESCINDED]

SCP-7287 is currently uncontainable. Given the risk SCP-7287 poses to security, attempts are being made to decommission SCP-7287. [RESCINDED]

Keter-class anomaly SCP-███ is to be equipped with an active nuclear warhead for the decommissioning of SCP-7287. [DENIED]

Operation 7287-S is to be repeated monthly until SCP-7287-1 becomes aware of the campaign. Transcripts are to be cataloged following operation success. See addenda below for further details.

Description: SCP-7287 is a phenomenon occurring once every 30 days, where two random anomalies currently in containment will disappear. The anomalies in question will then be transported to an extradimensional space, where they will remain for 24 hours before re-manifesting completely intact in their original locations. Debriefing of affected entities following their return has revealed little information about the nature of SCP-7287.1

The cause of SCP-7287 is unknown can be attributed to a group of Apex-tier Pluripotent Entities designated collectively as SCP-7287-1. It has been shown that SCP-7287 prefers items with certain characteristics, including:

Keter-class items

humanoids

sentient entities

entities of a deadly or destructive nature

The reason for these preferences is currently unknown. See Operation 7287-S for more information.

Operation 7287-S: On 2024-10-20, Operation 7287-S was first devised by Foundation administration in order to ascertain the origin of SCP-7287, which was unknown at the time. The operation entailed the creation of a falsified SCP file, an excerpt of which is shown below:

Item #: SCP-████

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-████ is impossible to contain, as he is too powerful. He is currently employed at Site-19 by his own volition, so that he may complete his mission of bookkeeping the transactions of the Site-19 Department of Containment.

Description: SCP-████ is Joe Turner, from the Site-19 accounting department. He is a white male approximately 26 years of age, and is almost 6'0 in height. He has numerous anomalous capabilities, such as flight, superhuman strength, X-ray vision, and the ability to manifest beams of radiation from his eyes. SCP-████ has stunning dark hair and mysterious eyes, with an "irresistable" effect on both male and female personnel.

SCP-████ is noted for his incredible ability to defeat any SCP in a fight.

Incident 7287.1: On the expected date of 2024-██-██, Turner vanished from his office at Site-19. At the same time, SCP-682 disappeared from its containment chamber at Site-19. The following log was recorded by Turner's iPhone 6 following his disappearance.

[BEGIN LOG]

Turner is in a dark room.

Joe Turner: What the hell? Where am I?

A voice, identified to be from an instance of SCP-7287-1 designated SCP-7287-1A, can be heard echoing throughout the surrounding area.

SCP-7287-1A: Ladies and gentlemen, it's the one you've been waiting all month to see! Let's make some noise!

The door to the room swings open, revealing a long corridor with a gate at the end. Turner is escorted by an off-screen entity down the corridor.

Turner: Hey! Hands off, man. Alright, alright, I'm going! I'm going! Sheesh.

Another voice, designated SCP-7287-1B, can be heard yelling into the microphone.

SCP-7287-1B: In today's smackdown, in the left corner we have our home player, you know them well. Champion of the pits of Site-19, give it up for SIX-EIGHTY-TWOOOOO!

Loud cheering can be heard, presumably from other SCP-7287-1 instances.

Turner: Wait, six-eighty-two?

SCP-7287-1A: And in our right corner, we have our challenger. You've read all about him, and now he's here in the flesh. Hailing from Kansas, we have the most powerful SCP, make some noise for JOEEEEE TURNERRRR!

The gate creaks open, opening up to a colossal stadium. Millions of cheering SCP-7287-1 instances can be seen spectating from the seats. A massive television screen is suspended above the stadium, showing aerial footage of the arena. SCP-682 is crouched on the ground across the stadium, approximately 200 meters away.

SCP-682: You will rue the day you met me, filthy human.

SCP-7287-1A: It's time for a…

SCP-7287-1B: …FIGHT TO THE DEATH!

Both (in unison): THREE… TWO… ONE… BATTLE!

Turner: Oh, shit.

SCP-682 rapidly approaches Turner.

Turner: Oh shit, oh shit. SOMEONE HELP! I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS!

SCP-7287-1A: And here we can see that classic Joe skillset, cowering in fear and running away!

SCP-7287-1B: But will it be enough to survive 682's onslaught? 682 is known for its Type 9 immortality, being able to adapt to anything the Foundation throws at it!

SCP-7287-1A: While Joe here has reached a peak filing speed of 82 forms per hour while on only three hours of sleep and two cups of coffee! It's gonna be a close one here, folks!

SCP-682 continues to give chase, as Turner frantically tries to escape. SCP-682 leaps and pounces on Turner.

SCP-7287-1B: And here we can see why 682 is so deadly- with his Tier 3 power level and high stats all around the board, Joe doesn't stand a chance!

Turner is pinned down beneath SCP-682's claws, as the creature begins to slash and tear at him.

SCP-7287-1A: Or does he?! Come on, Joe, show us your moves!

Turner: AIEEEEEEEEEE-

The damage sustained by the phone camera is, at this point, too severe to recover further footage.

[END LOG]

Turner was found alive and unharmed in his office 24 hours later, with his phone intact as well. When questioned, Turner reported that he "beat the brakes outta' that self-righteous crocodile," while thumping his chest. Despite the temporary injuries sustained during the incident, Turner expressed great interest in "returning to the ring." Turner has been approved by Site Command to carry out Operation 7287-S in addition to his accounting duties.

Incident 7287.2: On 2024-██-██, 30 days from Incident 7287.1, Turner, as expected, disappeared from his office at Site-19 once again. Simultaneously, SCP-8106 vanished from its cell at Site-40. Despite the insistence of Site Command, Turner refused to be equipped with tactical gear or weaponry, saying "My fists are enough guns to take on all of 'em."

[BEGIN LOG]

SCP-7287-1A: Welcome back, everybody!

SCP-7287-1B: Last time, SCP-682 destroyed Joe in a death battle, but our audience is convinced Joe was pulling his punches.

SCP-7287-1A: And by popular request, he's back! Make some noise for our reigning champion, JOEEE TURNERRRRR!

Turner enters the arena as the crowd hollers his name.

SCP-7287-1B: Aaaand we have our new guy, our challenger, the Attempted Murder Monster, welcome to the ring EIGHT-ONE-OH-SIXXXX!

The crowd boos and jeers as SCP-8106 shambles into the arena from the opposing gate.

SCP-8106: Well, there's no need to be rude. As for you, human, I intend to make short work of you.

Turner: Bring it on, old man.

SCP-7287-1A: Whoo-ee! Looks like we got some trash talk down on the field here! Looks like it's time, time for a…

SCP-7287-1B: …FIGHT TO THE DEATH!

Both (in unison): THREE… TWO… ONE… BATTLE!

Turner: Come at me!

SCP-8106: I intend to, you pathetic animal. Your screams will echo throughout this stadium.

SCP-8106 runs toward Turner, brandishing several steak knives. The latter flinches, but continues to stare down his opponent.

SCP-7287-1A: What's this? Joe isn't running? Does he have a plan up his sleeve with that 250 IQ of his?

SCP-7287-1B: Or, is he a complete idiot?

SCP-7287-1A: Or both?!

Turner audibly inhales, and sticks his foot out as SCP-8106 closes the final few meters of distance.

SCP-7287-1A: Will 8106's toon force win out, or will Joe be able to- OH, OH MY GOD! OHHH!

SCP-8106 trips over Joe's foot, falling face first into the dirt.

SCP-8106: Owie…

Turner begins to kick at SCP-8106's body.

Turner: Ha! Take that!

SCP-8106: Ow! Hey! Stop it!

SCP-8106 sinks into the ground, disappearing and leaving behing a puddle of mud.

SCP-7287-1A: AND IT LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE A WINNER!

SCP-7287-1B: Against all odds, Joe has proven himself capable of soloing any SCP he faces!

SCP-7287-1A: That's right folks! Tune in next month, where we'll be fighting Joe against the Scarlet King!

Turner: Haha! Wait, what?

[END LOG]

Footnotes

1. When debriefed, entity SCP-███ replied with "I don't want to talk about it."