Item #: SCP-5283

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: Due to its nature, SCP-5283 is currently self-contained at Site-37.

Description: SCP-5283 is an immovable, third-party Nerf N-Strike Elite Universal suction dart stuck to the ceiling of Site-37's central cafeteria.

Addendum-1: Removal Attempts

Attempt
Method
Outcome

#1
Researcher Harbor Wilson attempts to pull SCP-5283 from the ceiling.
Failure

#2
A different staff member attempts to pull SCP-5283 from the ceiling.
Failure

#3-8
Dr. Wilson directs six other staff members to attempt to remove SCP-5283
Failure

#9
Dr. Wilson attempts to cut SCP-5283 from the ceiling using a knife.
Failure

#10
Dr. Wilson attempts to cut SCP-5283 from the ceiling using a motorized saw.
Failure

#11
Dr. Wilson attempts to cut SCP-5283 from the ceiling using a chainsaw.
Failure

#12
Dr. Wilson attempts to cut SCP-5283 from the ceiling using a PLS.1
Failure

#13-16
Dr. Wilson attempts to remove the entire ceiling tile SCP-5283 is attached to.2
Failure

#17
Dr. Wilson attempts to burn SCP-5283 using a lighter.
Failure

#18
Dr. Wilson attempts to melt SCP-5283 using a flamethrower.
Failure

#19
Dr. Wilson attempts to destroy SCP-5283 using three minuscule detonation charges.
Failure

#20-23
Dr. Wilson attempts to destroy SCP-5283 with a shotgun.
Failure

#24
Dr. Wilson attempts to destabilize the local reality around SCP-5283 to result in its disconnection from the ceiling.
Failure

#25
Dr. Wilson prays for SCP-5283's removal.
Failure

#26
Dr. Wilson prays for his removal.
N/A

#27
Dr. Wilson spends approximately 78 minutes shouting at SCP-5283, demanding it fall off of the ceiling.
Failure

#28-███
Dr. Wilson attempts to punch SCP-5283 off of the ceiling.
Fuck This Failure

Further attempts are pending.

To: Senior Researcher Rebecca Larson (tenpics.eruces|r_nosral#tenpics.eruces|r_nosral)

From: Researcher Harbor Wilson (tenpics.eruces|h_nosliw#tenpics.eruces|h_nosliw)

Subject: THE DAMN NERF DART

I say this in the most respectful way possible: What the hell do you expect me to do about the nerf dart? Seriously. I have tried everything. Manpower. Blades. Saws. Fire - no, you do not need to remind me of how big of a failure that was. Detonation charges. I even spent over an hour shouting at the damn thing! No matter what I do, it doesn't budge. Nothing! I feel like I'm going insane. I've become a laughingstock here. The guy who "can't even move a nerf dart." It's degrading.

If you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them. Because I am this fucking close to submitting my resignation letter.

To: Researcher Harbor Wilson (tenpics.eruces|h_nosliw#tenpics.eruces|h_nosliw)

From: Senior Researcher Rebecca Larson (tenpics.eruces|r_nosral#tenpics.eruces|r_nosral)

Subject: RE: THE DAMN NERF DART

Have you tried asking it nicely?

Following this email correspondence, Dr. Wilson was seen walking into Site-37's central cafeteria while muttering the phrase "What kind of bullshit idea is that?" He then reportedly walked over to SCP-5283 and asked, "Can you please get off of the ceiling, SCP-5283?" He was immediately met with the laughter of most nearby staff - much to Wilson's seeming embarrassment - though it ceased moments later when SCP-5283 seemingly obliged the request, falling from the ceiling. Since its removal, all anomalous effects have ceased and SCP-5283 has been reclassified as "Neutralized."

Dr. Wilson has since started seeing a Foundation therapist.

Footnotes

1. Portable Laser Saw.

2. Four separate attempts are made using; a knife, motorized saw, chainsaw, and PLS.