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Article: SCP-4914 (Gamer Against Weeds)

Author: MrPines

Thanks to:

kinchtheknifeblade for making sure this was GAW-y

Uncle Nicolini for being awesome and giving crit

Doctor Cimmerian for helping with sentence flow and wording

Wacky GAW memeber gets down in the chat with DOOM. Prepare for shenanigans.

More from this author

Item #: SCP-4914

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: Foundation webcrawlers have confirmed that the only copy of SCP-4914 is in Foundation custody and the hard drive containing it is to be stored in a standard anomalous items locker. Testing of SCP-4914 is permitted by researchers level 1 or higher. These tests are only to be done on remote systems lacking internet access.

The internet activity of SCP-4914's creator1 is to be monitored for further anomalous incidents.

Description: SCP-4914 is a modified digital copy of the video game Doom, originally released in 1993 by id Software. Unlike standard versions of Doom, SCP-4914 is 468 megabytes in size and functions from a single executable file. Upon running SCP-4914, it functions as a standard copy of Doom.

SCP-4914-1 are anomalous growths of Digitaria sanguinalis, a species of grass commonly referred to as crabgrass. SCP-4914-1 grows directly on the motherboard of the computer SCP-4914 is run on. This growth occurs 16 hours after SCP-4914 is executed. During its growth cycle, SCP-4914-1 uses high amounts of computer processing power from any available components.2 SCP-4914-1 is capable of regrowing to full maturity within 5 minutes if it is removed by any means other than the use of vinegar.

To date, no other alternately modified copies have been recovered.

Addendum 4914/1: SCP-4914 was originally discovered after its online posting by known members of GoI 'Gamers Against Weed.' The following are chat logs documenting SCP-4914's creation and initial distribution.

▼ Access Chat Logs / Excerpt 1 ▼

▲ Hide Logs ▲

Bingledorf: but yeah, my cat is awesome

Takeovermetal has joined.

liquid_water: @Takeovermetal who the hell are you?

lucy: @Bingledorf send more pics when u can

Takeovermetal: Just another fuckin loser like you @liquid_water

rocknrow: lmao

rocknrow: so what brings you here, guy

liquid_water: lol thats fair

Takeovermetal: @rocknrow Heard about you all, and thought I'd stop by to see what kinda crazy shenanigans occur here

Takeovermetal: So do you guys like doom?

rocknrow: like the game?

Takeovermetal: Yeah

rocknrow: i fuckin love it, why?

Takeovermetal: I like to mod doom from time to time

rocknrow: oh shit can i see some of your stuff?

Takeovermetal: Yeah, hold on

Takeovermetal uploaded file doom2irl.exe 48mb ⬇

rocknrow: exe and not a wad?

liquid_water: 48 megabytes wtf

Takeovermetal: Exes are easier to uh

Takeovermetal: You know, magically fuck with

rocknrow: are they? huh

Takeovermetal: Yeah, everything's packed into it

rocknrow: this is built on gzdoom right (edited)

Takeovermetal: Yeah. @liquid_water It's that big for a reason

lucy: lol isnt doom that game about killing demons and shit

Takeovermetal: It's a really good game

Takeovermetal: Pretty much kickstarted the FPS genre

lucy: owo

rocknrow: checking this out right now

liquid_water: @Takeovermtal wtf this is so good

liquid_water: @Takeovermetal

liquid_water: you said you make these for fun?

Takeovermetal: In my free time, yeah

Takeovermetal: I've got other non-anomalous ones too

liquid_water: sick shit takeoutmeal

liquid_water: someone get this man a gamer role

▼ Access Chat Logs / Excerpt 2 ▼

▲ Hide Logs ▲

Takeovermetal: What the fuck is up

Takeovermetal: New mod if you guys wanna play

rocknrow: @Takeovermetal lets see it

Takeovermetal uploaded file doomIN4D.exe 104mb ⬇

liquid_water: >104

liquid_water: this better be good

Bingledorf: @lucy aaaaaaaa

Bingledorf: @Takeovermetal also I looked at your first mod and its pretty good

Takeovermetal: Thanks

Takeovermetal: Also I'm gonna need you guys to give me ideas

Takeovermetal: Because they don't just appear

liquid_water: doom but you shit yourself when you die

Takeovermetal: I'll have to playtest it on the shitter (edited)

rocknrow: aw damn, new mod

Takeovermetal: Spent a bit longer on this one

rocknrow: what does '4D' imply?

Takeovermetal: You can smell the game

Takeovermetal: And like, other senses

lucy: that sounds weird and awesome

lucy: also @Bingledorf a

bones: @Takeovermetal If you're going to do that one, please give a warning when posting it.

Takeovermetal: Of course, I'm not that much of a dick

bones: Thank you.

lucy: rate my dinner

lucy: avn.uploads.sh/IMG_20181107_221412.jpg

liquid_water: what the hell is that

Takeovermetal: Anyway, I'll be gone a day for a special project I'm doing

lucy: im hungry and thats all we had

rocknrow: 👀

Takeovermetal: Soon…

coffee_hawks: @Bingledorf have you finished that thing?

Bingledorf: give me uhhhhhhhhhhh

Bingledorf: another couple days

Bingledorf: im still trying to figure this out

coffee_hawks: no worries

rocknrow: @Takeovermetal playing that 4d thing

rocknrow: pretty wild my dude

rocknrow: ping me when you finish your next mod

Takeovermetal: Sure thing

coffee_hawks: also, good work on the doom mods

Takeovermetal: Thanks

▼ Access Chat Logs / Excerpt 3 ▼

▲ Hide Logs ▲

Takeovermetal: @rocknrow It's done

Takeovermetal: Sorry, it took 2 days not 1

rocknrow: so whats this one

Takeovermetal: I'll post it but I want more people to see it

rocknrow: hold on

rocknrow: @Bingledorf @lucy @liquid_water @coffee_hawks @AnnoyingDog @Fishtruck

rocknrow: get the hell in here and play this guys mod

lucy: owo

Bingledorf: lets go

AnnoyingDog: I like doom

coffee_hawks: me too

coffee_hawks: now post it

Takeovermetal: Give it a minute

Takeovermetal uploaded file doomdigitaria.exe 486mb ⬇

Fishtruck: That's a bit big for a Doom mod don't you think?

rocknrow: >implying he didnt magic the hell out of it

Fishtruck: Oh.

Takeovermetal: Play it and tell me what you guys think (edited)

NEW MESSAGES

rocknrow: @Takeovermetal uhhhhh

Takeovermetal: What?

Bingledorf: this is just regular doom

Takeovermetal: Are you serious

Takeovermetal: Wtf

Fishtruck: Yeah, it's regular for me too.

rocknrow: is this part of it?

rocknrow: or did you actually fuck up

Takeovermetal: Give me another day

coffee_hawks: well at least its doom

coffee_hawks: something to kill time with

▼ Access PM Logs / Excerpt 1 ▼

▲ Hide Logs ▲

rocknrow: am i missing something, or did you really just mess it up

Takeovermetal: No, I fucked it up

Takeovermetal: I'll fix it, just give me another day

rocknrow: alright, sounds good

▼ Access Chat Logs / Excerpt 4 ▼

▲ Hide Logs ▲

lucy: hey uh

lucy: idk how to say this but

lucy: theres a fucking weed growing in my pc

rocknrow: duuude weed bro??

lucy: no im actually fuckign serious

lucy: like the uh

lucy: garden weeds

rocknrow: wait what the fuck

lucy: yeah its really weird

lucy: like, my pc started to run really slow

lucy: andso i opened it up because i thought it was dusty

Fishtruck: Is it just a weed in your PC?

Fishtruck: That seems like a lame prank.

Bingledorf: Does that even count as a prank

rocknrow: @lucy thanks for reminding me about dirty pcs

rocknrow: i havent cleaned mine in a while

lucy: wtf its not even just placed inside the case

lucy: its ATTATCHED to my pc bits

AnnoyingDog: Do you guys know of any good antivirus programs?

AnnoyingDog: My PC has been acting up

Bingledorf: How so?

rocknrow: you guys wont believe this

AnnoyingDog: Its been really slow

AnnoyingDog: My fans have been on like all day

Bingledorf: @rocknrow ?

rocknrow: god dammit the image wont upload

rocknrow: but uh theres weeds inside my pc

rocknrow: connected to the motherboard

lucy: dude wtf

AnnoyingDog: Now you guys have me all paranoid

rocknrow: if it happened to us, it wouldnt hurt to check

coffee_hawks: hey guys

rocknrow: hawks open your pc case for me

coffee_hawks: why?

AnnoyingDog: Noooo

rocknrow: just do it i need to make sure

coffee_hawks: is this a prank?

rocknrow: not from me, but apparently yes

AnnoyingDog: I just took a big risk and pulled the weeds

rocknrow: yeah thats how you get rid of weeds

lucy: i yanked the weeds a bit ago

rocknrow: okay good, im doing the same

lucy: no like

lucy: it didnt work

rocknrow: you couldnt pull them out?

lucy: theyre regrowing right now

lucy: hholy shi

lucy: my pc is runnning like as

rocknrow: what the hell

lucy: i think its fine now

lucy: i think its fine now

lucy: nvm it doubleposted

rocknrow: wait so if we all have this what do we have in common that caused it

lucy: uhhhhhhhh

Bingledorf: on my pc now

lucy: ur on a laptop right

Bingledorf: yes

Bingledorf: there are weeds sticking out of the vent

lucy: maybe it was a file we downloaded

liquid_water: yeah because a virus can make plants grow in your pc

lucy: do u even know where the fuck u are rn

liquid_water: hey losers who wants to play a game with me

rocknrow: liquid check your pc case

liquid_water: i have a laptop

rocknrow: ok but you know what i mean

liquid_water: hmmmm nah

liquid_water: someone tell me what ive missed because im not scrolling up

Bingledorf: just peek inside your damn laptop vent

liquid_water: wow theres something inside

liquid_water: dude no way theres METAL

liquid_water: and darkness

liquid_water: wait wtf

rocknrow: yeah

coffee_hawks: this couldn't be from takeovermetal could it?

Bingledorf: no his thing didnt work remember

lucy: what if it fucking did

rocknrow: oh youre kidding

rocknrow: @Takeovermetal

liquid_water: this is actually bs

liquid_water: i just woke up

liquid_water: and my pc is a god damn garden

lucy: howd o i FIX THIS

Takeovermetal: You guys ever deweeded a garden before? lol

lucy: @Takeovermetal @Takeovermetal @Takeovermetal @Takeovermetal @Takeovermetal @Takeovermetal @Takeovermetal @Takeovermetal v

lucy: oh u piece of shit

bones: Do not spam pings at people.

lucy: no you dont understand

lucy: this fucker gavemy pc weeds

bones: That's no excuse to pester him.

rocknrow: i think the fuck not

rocknrow: damn near ruined my pc

bones: @Takeovermetal can you please explain why everyone is blaming you for causing plants to grow inside their computers?

rocknrow: seriously what the hell

Takeovermetal: It's a joke man, calm down

bones: It doesn't seem like much of a joke to me.

Takeovermetal: Oh come on, its kinda funny

liquid_water: god dammit man

liquid_water: you fucking come in here with your damn fancy doom mods

liquid_water: god damn ruin my pc

liquid_water: @bone

liquid_water: fuck

liquid_water: @bones

liquid_water: please for the love of god

bones: So these weeds can be removed like regular weeds?

Takeovermetal: Yeah

Takeovermetal: I got you guys good, but I'm not gonna ENTIRELY fuck you over

bones: It's one thing to have fun, but this is unacceptable behavior.

Takeovermetal: Wait i havent even explained the best part lol

Takeovermetal has left. [Banned by bones].

liquid_water: OOF

rocknrow: thats not perma is it?

bones: Two week ban and a monthlong file upload/link revocation.

liquid_water: lmao rip

rocknrow: the least he could have done was make it grow actual WEED

Footnotes

1. Real name: Carter Wick, online alias: 'Takeovermetal'

2. Central processing unit, graphics processing unit, and RAM.