Cross-section of the human thigh.

Item #: SCP-5465

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: To ensure that SCP-5465 does not manifest anomalous properties outside of the Foundation's control, a group of 365 D-Class personnel (hereinafter "5465-Catalysts") are to be placed within a seven day-based fitness regimen tailored solely towards the muscle groups of the upper body. The regimen's overall schedule is to be arranged so that each individual would begin their own specific session a day after another's, so that if the 1st D-Class were to start on January 1st, the 365th D-Class would begin on December 31st.1

All 5465-Catalysts are to be regularly exposed to an infra-sonic J-BRAVO auditory/behavioral-agent. In addition to its use in containment, the agent should prevent any individual from engaging in the following activities within their cell:

Doing squats, lunges, wall-sits, or any similar exercises.

Doing toe-touches, leg-crosses, butterfly-sits, or any similar stretches.

Extensive amounts of kicking.

Extensive amounts of jumping.

Extensive amounts of dancing.

Running for periods longer than five (5) minutes.

Walking for periods longer than twenty (20) minutes.

Standing upright for periods longer than twenty-five (25) minutes.

If such activity is observed, it is cause for an immediate Priority 2 alert.

Foundation Webcrawler SS-534 "Flipped Triangle" is to search for and compile a list of any recordings containing music associated with SCP-5465-1,2 as well as 5465-positive keyphrases.3 If the listed recording is screened positive by Foundation staff for the presence of SCP-5465-1, the recording is to be taken down and, if possible, the source identified for debriefing and amnesticization. Handling of SCP-5465-1 recordings and their sources is the responsibility of MTF Tau-15 ("Jock Jams").

Description: SCP-5465 is the quadriceps femoris, an anomalous human muscle group located in the anterior compartment of the thigh. SCP-5465 comprises four muscles (rectus femoris, and vasti lateralis, medialis, and intermedius). SCP-5465's non-anomalous function is knee extension, and the rectus femoris additionally performs non-anomalous4 hip flexion.

SCP-5465's anomalous function is conjectured to be a paraphysical "tuning device". Human paraphysical capability is notoriously inconsistent (q.v. Wisniewski's classic study), and the working theory attributes this, at least in part, to widespread underdevelopment of SCP-5465. The crux of the theory is that human paraphysical capability is derived from a specieswide gestalt5, and that SCP-5465 development facilitates both parakinesiological attunement to this gestalt and, as a consequence, the development of the gestalt itself.

SCP-5465-1 are anomalous recordings of popular "exercise music" tracks often played on gym sound systems or the personal media players of gymgoers. Under the influence of SCP-5465-1, subjects are prone to greater focus on the lower body in exercise, especially SCP-5465 itself. SCP-5465-1 influence also radically accelerates specifically the parakinesiological development of SCP-5465. Non-anomalous physical muscle development of SCP-5465 is only slightly accelerated, but parakinesiological attunement is around fifty times faster.

Parakinesiological containment researchers have devised a procedure using 5465-Catalysts to disrupt the specieswide gestalt. The widespread practice of neglecting lower-body exercise in exercise programs had left the gestalt in advanced atrophy until the development of SCP-5465-1. By reverse-engineering SCP-5465-1, containment researchers developed the J-BRAVO disruption agent, which promotes neglect of, rather than attention to, lower body exercise. When employed as per the Special Containment Procedures, the use of 5465-Catalysts subject to J-BRAVO effectively suppresses the development of the gestalt.

History: The discovery of SCP-5465 has been a paradigm shift in parakinesiology.6 Paraphysical capability had been thought to be mediated by the brain and nervous system, and a unifying theory of parakinesiology was thought to be out of reach. The initial discovery of SCP-5465's anomalous properties appears to have been by members of the anomalous health club (and GoI) "Zarathustra's Gym".7

"Zarathustra's Gym" embarked on several campaigns to promote SCP-5465 development, including internet memes and video "form check" services. They were largely unsuccessful at strengthening the gestalt until their development of SCP-5465-1. SCP-5465-1 was uploaded to various video and music sites, but did not achieve notable reach until somehow swapped in for existing media files on popular Spotify workout and exercise playlists.

The source of the resulting increase in parakinesiological activity across the world was not difficult to trace, as identical tracks were available openly on the YouTube channel of "Zarathustra's Gym". Research into SCP-5465 itself and the investigation of the GoI both proceeded rapidly, but a raid on the San Diego health club thought to be the primary meeting location of "Zarathustra's Gym" proved fruitless. Provisional containment was established around six weeks after the Spotify uploads.

Given the breakthroughs in the science of parakinesiology occasioned by their activities, members of "Zarathustra's Gym" are considered high-value targets for involuntary recruitment.

Footnotes

1. An additional D-Class is to be added to the group during leap-years.

2. Examples include "Gonna Fly Now" by Bill Conti, "Pump up the Jam" by Technotronic, and "Don't Stop Me Now" by Queen.

3. Such as "No pain no gain", "Only two more miles to go", and "It's leg day".

4. presumed, but see also Galloway, C. (2018), "Hips Don't Lie", scpXiv:1801.00415

5. The genetic range of individuals associated with this gestalt is unclear, but includes at least the Homo genus.

6. Generally referred to as "parapsychology" before said paradigm shift.

7. Formerly "Agrippa's Gym". Under their earlier name, they focused on largely wrongheaded attempts at creating substitutes for anabolic steroids with classical alchemy. After their discovery of SCP-5465's properties, they renamed themselves in honor of a quotation from Friedrich Nietzsche's Thus Spake Zarathustra.