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Author: ThatGuyRichard

Link to the Original: SCP-002-IT-J

Translator: Siddartha Alonne

Item #: SCP-002-IT-J

Object Class: Safe (though not really if you're a doctor)

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-002-IT-J instances are to be contained in separate cells in hallway 6 of the "very dangerous things" section of Site Mania. The hallway's entrance must be monitored by a guard who has never (and I mean never) possessed the title of "doctor". Access to the hallway is forbidden to anyone who has obtained a doctorate, regardless of the type of it. In the event that a doctor enters the hallway, the guard is authorized to terminate them, trust me, it's better this way.

Description: SCP-002-IT-J is an object, more precisely [REDACTED]1, extremely dangerous and (we hope) lethal2 to anyone who obtained a doctorate. In case a doctor comes near one of the 5 4 (See Experiment 001) instances of SCP-002-IT-J alone or accompanied just by other doctors, they will disappear leaving no trace. It is assumed that this process is extremely painful given the inhuman screams perceived when a doctor remains in its presence. Currently, in order to study SCP-002-IT-J the presence of a not-doctor is necessary in the involved room (Gimmick discovered following Incident 2963) so as to prevent the activation of the effect on doctoral colleagues present. In short, if you're a doctor and you're alone, stay away!

Experiment 001

The aim of the project is to send a non-doctor to study SCP-002-IT-J, as it is believed that this kind of being is immune. I'm not sure why we didn't think about it before, we had those thingies for 12 years45.

Item: SCP-002-IT-J

Location and date: Site Mania, 11/11/11

Involved personnel: Dr. Medicine (from the control center); Pino (who we thank for kindly offering his services for this experiment <3).

[BEGIN LOG]

Dr. Medicine: Okay, mister Pino, go into SCP-002-IT-J's containment room.

Pino: Excuse me, aren't there 5 of them? Which one do I have to enter?

Dr. Medicine: Don't be picky! Choose one. And be quick, this is the most dangerous thing the Foundation has ever contained and we already wasted 12 years!

Pino: Yeah, just don't get angry. (Quietly) Sometimes they seem to forget or don't care who is not a doctor in something, how rude.

Dr. Medicine: Come on, Pino, don't dawdle!

Pino: I'm entering, see you soon, I hope.

(2:34 minutes later.)

Pino: (Burps.) Here I am, all is done.

Dr. Medicine: (Comically spits out the drink he was sipping) ARE YOU ALIVE!?

Pino: I'm not a doctor… did you expect me to die?

Dr. Medicine: … noooo. (Awkwardly chuckling.) We imagined that nothing would happen, kinda. Tell us, what happened?

Pino: Well, I arrived and SCP-002-IT-J was there on the table. I knew it was extremely dangerous, so I ate it.

Dr. Medicine: I beg your pardon?

Pino: I fed on it, I had it for lunch. It was really tasty, which is strange if you consider how many years it was in there.

Dr. Medicine: Yes, I understand you ate it, but how could you think of something this stupid?

Pino: Well, once I understood what it was, it seemed the most logical solution.

Dr. Medicine: Can you explain yourself? What's SCP-002-IT-J?

Pino: You know what they say, don't you? An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

[END LOG]

Footnotes

1. Data censored for narrative needs.

2. No, seriously, we really hope it ends in a quick death. Poor things.

3. Later renamed as Experiment 003 since, unexpectedly, nobody died.

4. It's SRE-M's fault, they prevented us from sending a D-Class for reasons such as morality and ethics. It's been 27 years since the last time they allowed me to use one. They say they needed someone to offer themselves, ugh. -Generic, Containment Officer

5. Yeah, Generic's my surname.