SCP-7434

By: NDHeckfire

Published on 10 May 2023 13:51

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NDHeckfire

SCP-7434 - Connoisseur of Comfort

More by NDHeckfire!

Item#: SCP-7434

Containment Class: chelovek

Secondary Class: none

Disruption Class: vlam

Risk Class: caution

Assigned Site
Site Director
Research Head
Assigned Task Force

Site-400
Director Adam Desmond
Agent Muchina Tantei
N/A

Special Containment Procedures:1 By order of the Department of Human Resources, Ms. Lauraine is to avoid (if possible) from interacting with individuals who possess a CRV lower than 15 (see below). A group of selected security personnel has been assigned to her in order to enforce this.

Description: SCP-7434 is the designation given to an as-of-yet unknown anomaly currently affecting Consulting Advisor Ms. Madisyn "Maddy" Lauraine, the deputy representative for the Ethics Committee, currently stationed at Site-400. She is an adult female of indeterminate descent, weight, and height, having green eyes and ginger hair.

Prolonged observation has revealed that SCP-7434 seems to somehow be able to alter a number of Foundation personnel's perception of Ms. Lauraine. It appears that whenever they are in the presence of Ms. Lauraine, these personnel express feelings of increased affection and endearment towards the individual in question. As a result, they would often infantilize Ms. Lauraine, calling her inappropriate pet names such as "cutie" and "little lady".

It's important to note that individuals who possess a Cognitive Resistance Value (CRV) of over 15 is immune to SCP-7434's effects. As such, investigation into the exact nature of SCP-7434 is currently being headed by Junior Agent Muchina Tantei (CRV=21.5), detective for the Department of Human Resources: Internal Investigation Division.

Addendum 7434-1, HR Intervention: Following SCP-7434's discovery and assessment of properties, the Department of Human Resources offered Ms. Lauraine a retransferral of her duties to another Foundation facility, one whose majority of personnel possesses a CRV of over 15. However, Ms. Lauraine refused the offer, stating that SCP-7434 does not bother her enough to disrupt her duties at Site-400.

Addendum 7434-2, Site Director's Involvement:

Audio Log 7434/936-SD

Date: 26/09/2017

Location: The front desk of Site Director Desmond's office

Personnel Present:

Assistant Director Benjamin Moore

Agent Muchina Tantei

Foreword: I think it's worth mentioning here that Assistant Moore has a CRV of 13, thus making him susceptible to SCP-7434's effects. — Agent Tantei

<BEGIN LOG>

Asst. Dir. Moore: Please leave.

Agt. Tantei: I will, after I get to speak with the Director.

Asst. Dir. Moore: For the last time, I'm sure if you e-mailed him on SCiP.Net, he'll get back to you as soon-

Agt. Tantei: I want to speak with him in person.

Asst. Dir. Moore: And like I said before, Director Desmond is busy at the moment, and won't be able to see anyone right now.

Agt. Tantei: His office's lights aren't even turned on. The bastard's probably taking a nap on his couch for all I know.

Asst. Dir. Moore: (clears his throat) Please refrain from insulting Director Desmond. And for the lights, that's nothing to be suspicious of. He… just likes working in the dark. I think.

Agt. Tantei: Saying that he's not in his office would've been a better excuse, you know that?

Asst. Dir. Moore: Well, that just would not be… entirely true. What do you want with him anyway? I thought I already put up a notice at the door saying all inquiries to Director Desmond should go through me. Did you not bloody read it?

Agt. Tantei: Out of sight, out of mind.

Asst. Dir. Moore: You suck, you know that?

Agt. Tantei: Look, this is a matter of utmost importance to the Department of Human Resources. I need to speak to the Director immediately.

Asst. Dir. Moore: Is this about that one scip with Maddy? 7434, I believe? I thought you lot already got your ConProcs set up for it. Gotta say, that shit caused one hell of a paperwork nightmare having to assign a bunch of guards to a c-

Agt. Tantei: Maddy? Might I remind you, Assistant Moore, that she is Miss Lauraine to you. After all, the Ethics Committee is only second to the Overseer Council. Maintain some respect.

Asst. Dir. Moore: Right, right yeah, sure. Sorry. (chuckles) "Miss Lauraine". When did she ever get a full n-

Agt. Tantei: Back to the topic at hand, since I can't see Director Desmond for whatever reason, maybe you can give me some insight on this case.

Asst. Dir. Moore: I don't know, mate. You kinda took most of your appointment time-

Agt. Tantei: Apologies for being blunt here, but during the span of my investigation, it just seems that the Adminstration and Oversight Section, seemingly along with the Director's office, can't seem to care about Miss Lauraine's situation in the slightest. Am I wrong?

Asst. Dir. Moore: (sighs deeply)

Agt. Tantei: Everything relating to either Miss Lauraine or SCP-7434, the HR Department has to deal with, even the creation of the scip file itself. And Administration can't seem to be bothered with properly giving disciplinary action to personnel found to be harassing Miss Lauraine. It's like you're all part of this huge cover-up that, for some reason, relies on not dealing with SCP-7434.

Asst. Dir. Moore: Harassing's a strong word, but I suppose you lot would see it that way. Look, there is no cover-up, alright? 400's too weird to have anything going on behind the scenes. Besides, 7434 is an anomaly, no? Why would we punish people who're most likely under the effects of an anomaly?

Agt. Tantei: Uh, well… SCP-7434 is an unknown anomaly, so there might be a small chance that-

Asst. Dir. Moore: Look, mate, I think you gotta understand something here. You're neither the first nor the only person to ask about the thing with Miss Lauraine. You wanna know what I tell'em every time they ask me this? "Just roll with it. Because even if you told it straight to those lots' faces, they wouldn't care".

Agt. Tantei: (clears throat) Regardless, I'm going to get to the bottom of this. You'll see.

Asst. Dir. Moore: Oh my God, you know what? I sincerely hope you do. Maybe then you'll stop yapping on about how some of us aren't doing our jobs, eh?

Agt. Tantei: I did not say that!

<END LOG>

Addendum 7434-3: During the span of Ms. Lauraine's allocation to Site-400, Foundation personnel have reported some unusual behaviour surrounding some of Ms. Lauraine's actions. From those reports, these behaviours include:

refusal to use proper cutlery when eating food.

refusal to open doors, often asking her assigned escort to do it for her.

entering and immediately exiting various rooms for no apparent reason.

easily getting distracted by the appearance of small insects, especially roaches and houseflies.

On the 26th of September, 2017, these reports were brought up by Agent Tantei to Ms. Lauraine, when the former met the latter by chance in Site-400's main cafeteria. However, before he was able to get a complete explanation, Ms. Lauraine quickly stated that she needed to "do urgent business outdoors" and bolted out of the cafeteria.

Addendum 7434-4, Memetic Research Report:

Audio Log 7434/530-MR

Date: 27/09/2017

Location: Site-400's Memetic Research Lab

Personnel Present:

Dr. Kyran Kelly

Agent Muchina Tantei

Foreword: Two days prior, I requested Dr. Kyran Kelly (aka Head of the Department of Memetic and Countermemetic Research, aka the person with the most highest CRV in 400) to do a memetic screening on SCP-7434, and see if xey can give me a clue on what it actually is. — Agent Tantei

<BEGIN LOG>

Dr. Kelly: There's nothing.

Agt. Tantei: What?

Dr. Kelly: Why're you surprised? I texted that to you an hour ago before you got here.

Agt. Tantei: That can't be right. You sure you tried everything?

Dr. Kelly: Pretty sure I did. Whatever the anomaly is, it sure as hell ain't memetic.

Agt. Tantei: Who did you test it on?

Dr. Kelly: Like you said, I did it with guys with a CRV less than fifteen. All of them got negative results on any sort of memetic influence.

Agt. Tantei: Did you alter the results in any way?

Dr. Kelly: Dude.

Agt. Tantei: Right, sorry. Just making sure. (sighs) How about antimemetic properties? Maybe it just wants us to think that it's not memetic.

Dr. Kelly: I can look into it, but I doubt there'd be anything. Even memes that are actually antimemes give off some results. In this case, there's nada.

Agt. Tantei: You deal with semiohazards too, right? And infohazards? Maybe SCP-7434 is something like-

Dr. Kelly: You're pushing your luck, man, 'cause I don't know what else to tell ya. Either the anomaly isn't even memetic in the first place, or something else is making people act like Miss Lauraine's a pet they can play with.

Agt. Tantei: Any personal theories? I'm more or less leaning towards conspiratorial cover-ups at the moment.

Dr. Kelly: Eh, don't think that's entirely it. 400's too weird to have anything going on behind the scenes. Though, I did find it unusual that Miss Lauraine would deny the offer HR gave her. She told you anything about that?

Agt. Tantei: Hm?

Dr. Kelly: You talked with Miss Lauraine, right? Did she tell you why she denied the offer from HR?

Agt. Tantei: Oh, haven't done the interview with her. Not yet.

Dr. Kelly: What?

Agt. Tantei: You look upset.

Dr. Kelly: You didn't talk with the single individual who is literally the central component of an anomaly? Who exactly is the detective here?!

Agt. Tantei: Hey, watch it! I'm doing what's called the Shelby-Chappell investigation method. Look it up.

Dr. Kelly: The one where the detective interviews the most likely suspect last?

Agt. Tantei: Exactly. That way, the points taken from previous interviews with the other people would connect on their own when the main suspect gives their take on the case.

Dr. Kelly: That's stupid, but whatever you say, man.

Agt. Tantei: Besides, I did talk with Ms. Lauraine a little bit… unofficially. I asked her about the reports people have been filing on her "unusual behaviour".

Dr. Kelly: Oh yeah, I heard about that from a friend of mine. Said that she… doesn't like opening doors or something? Wait, maybe I heard it wrong.

Agt. Tantei: Stress, probably. I'd imagine having people all over your grill can't be a pleasant experience. (pauses) Y'know, I've been curious. Do you happen to know what Ms. Lauraine's CRV is?

Dr. Kelly: Right, about that. I was also curious 'cause, well, I thought it might connect to how the anomaly works. But for some reason the Ethics Committee's records on her personnel profile didn't have anything on it. They tested her with pretty basic memetic human cognition screening, but the results just showed blank.

Agt. Tantei: That can't be right. If I learned anything from the Investigating Internal Affairs seminar, it's that everybody in the Foundation has a CRV record. Even the Overseers.

Dr. Kelly: True. Well, except for Professor Kain Pathos Crow. He was a special case.

Agt. Tantei: Why?

Dr. Kelly: He's a dog. FYI, animals naturally don't have CRV.

Agt. Tantei: The Foundation employs animals?

Dr. Kelly: Employed. Dogs don't live very long.

Agt. Tantei: Damn. You couldn't have made that less depressing?

Dr. Kelly: I say what I say.

Agt. Tantei: We're getting sidetracked. (sighs) The Committee not recordkeeping Miss Lauraine's CRV is certainly suspicious, and it just seems like they're in on this too, whatever this is. What does it all mean?

Dr. Kelly: Well, you might've known if you had thought for a second and actually talked with Miss Lauraine. Probably wouldn't need to waste my time helping with your case.

Agt. Tantei: Alright, alright! Jeez. Let that go, will ya? I'll do it tomorrow. Keep up the whiney talk and I might not credit you when I crack this thing wide open and become a Silver Star medalist.

Dr. Kelly: To be honest, I wouldn't care either way.

<END LOG>

Addendum 7434-5, Unanticipated Phenomenon: On the 27th of September, 2017, Ms. Lauraine was suddenly rushed to Site-400's Health and Pathological Infirmary by her assigned escorts after her colleagues were playfully brushing Ms. Lauraine's hair and found that some strands of hair had stuck to their hands.

Dr. Vivaca Lisette, who was the only on-duty physician at the time, was ordered to conduct a medical examination on Ms. Lauraine and to report any sort of irregularity that would explain her spontaneous hair loss. Dr. Lisette at first refused to do so, citing that it would be "a waste of everyone's time". After being informed that failure to do so would result in subsequent disciplinary action (on account of not abiding her superior's orders for no logical reason), Dr. Lisette eventually capitulated and reluctantly conducted the examination.

Following a few minutes, Dr. Lisette discharged Ms. Lauraine from the infirmary and reported to the escorts that what Ms. Lauraine experienced was completely natural and that "there's no need for anyone to make a fuss". When inquired if it was a unique medical condition that affected Ms. Lauraine, Dr. Lisette disaffirmed this, saying that her shedding condition is normal, especially in the autumn season for "domestic indoor types such as [Ms. Lauraine]".

Dr. Lisette was promptly given a verbal warning for describing Ms. Lauraine in such inappropriate terms.

Addendum 7434-6, Final Interview:

Audio Log 7434/925-OC

Date: 28/09/2017

Location: Site-400's outdoor courtyard

Personnel Present:

Ms. Madisyn Lauraine

Agent Muchina Tantei

Foreword: N/A

<BEGIN LOG>

Sounds of footsteps crunching on top of leaves.

Agt. Tantei: Weird place to do an interview, eh, miss?

Ms. Lauraine: Well, you said I could choose. Haven't been outside in a while so, y'know, thought this could be a good chance to catch some fresh air.

Agt. Tantei: Of course, of course. Wait, didn't you already go outside… when we met in the cafeteria-

Ms. Lauraine: Ah, no, well… I didn't have the chance to enjoy the scenery and such 'cause, y'know what I mean.

Agt. Tantei: S-sure. Uhh, do we start now or…?

Ms. Lauraine: You already got your recording thingamajig on, so why not?

Agt. Tantei: Good point. So, something that's been on my mind lately is, why exactly did you refuse the offer Human Resources gave you? Y'know, the one about transferring Sites?

Ms. Lauraine: Ugh, are those guys still holding up about that for some reason? Like I said in the file, the SCP, uhh… Sorry, what slot did it-

Agt. Tantei: SCP-7434.

Ms. Lauraine: Ah, yes. Like I said, I just thought 7434 didn't bother me enough to make me quit working here. I don't know why, but this place just feels special, y'know? Like, it's too weird to have anything going on behind the scenes.

Agt. Tantei: I… see. But surely it would be extremely uncomfortable for you, to get unwillingly coddled all the time and be called unsavoury nicknames-

Ms. Lauraine: Oh please. It's fun to be doted on and spoiled once in a while, don't you think? Besides, I don't really mind them doing all that. And if it ever gets unbearable, I could just scratch their eyes out, yeah?

Agt. Tantei: I, uhh, suppose?

Ms. Lauraine: See? You get it.

Agt. Tantei: Another thing… about the reports I mentioned during our brief exchange in the cafeteria, was hoping you could give some insight on that?

Ms. Lauraine: Right right. Well, how do I explain it? At times I get these impulses and urges that I can't seem to control. Like when I see a roach, I just feel the need to-

Agt. Tantei: Ah, okay. Say no more, miss. I understand.

Footsteps halt. The whistling of wind is now audible.

Ms. Lauraine: Look there, in the distance. Do you see it?

Agt. Tantei: A… tree?

Ms. Lauraine: It's a sessile oak tree, by the looks of it. I heard it was planted way before even the Site got built and established.

Agt. Tantei: Huh, okay.

Ms. Lauraine: I've always been curious about the birds that sometimes perch up there.

Agt. Tantei: What's that, miss?

Ms. Lauraine: Nothing.

Agt. Tantei: (coughs) What's the place behind it? Looks kinda overgrown compared to here.

Ms. Lauraine: Think they're planning on making it the on-site cemetery. It's gonna be a place for burying the anomalous folks they got here. Did you know, when they die, their decaying flesh is categorised as Esoteric Waste? So they're thinking it would be a big risk if it was buried alongside regular corpses. (sighs) If I remember your HR profile correctly, this is your first assignment, right, Agent?

Agt. Tantei: I… Yeah, it is.

Ms. Lauraine: (chuckles) Why do you look upset? C'mon, relax. I would never expect you to be less incompetent if it wasn't. Let's take a seat. My feet are killing me.

Agt. Tantei: I think I saw a bench back where we left the Site.

Sounds of footsteps continue. After a few minutes, they halt, followed by slight rustling.

Ms. Lauraine: Prefer to stand?

Agt. Tantei: Uhh, yeah.

Ms. Lauraine: Suit yourself.

Several seconds of silence.

Ms. Lauraine: (clears throat) We're still in the interview, right?

Agt. Tantei: Oh, uh, yeah. On second thought, I think… I think we can end it here.

Ms. Lauraine: What, really? But you only asked me two questions, no? You sure about this?

Agt. Tantei: Yeah… After thinking a bit, there's not much to ask now to be honest. Besides, you seem fine enough with how people have been treating you, so there's not really much of a point to do this whole thing. Uh, don't worry though. I'll talk with Human Resources and convince them about this.

Ms. Lauraine: That's reassuring to hear.

Agt. Tantei: Oh, one more thing before I forget. Do you mind if I take your photo?

Ms. Lauraine: Hm? What for?

Agt. Tantei: For the duration of the investigation, I actually need to take photographs for evidence and record keeping purposes. Y'know, just in case something happens and all that. I only got the camera working today so I was hoping you would be-

Ms. Lauraine: Ah, I see. Yeah, sure. Feel free. Do I need to pose for it or…?

Agt. Tantei: No no, this is fine. Uhh… cheese?

Sound of camera shuttering, and the white of the polaroid photo being processed.

Agt. Tantei: There we go.

Ms. Lauraine: Can I see?

Agt. Tantei: Sure. Oh, wait… Looks like your eyes were closed. Uh, do you wanna redo it? I'm fine if-

Ms. Lauraine: Nah. This is perfect. You'll be putting it in the file, right?

Agt. Tantei: Definitely.

<END LOG>

Addendum 7434-7, Containment Class Reclassification: On the 29th of September, 2017, Agent Muchina Tantei officially closed his investigation into the SCP-7434 case, and proclaimed that no further action is deemed necessary to be taken by the Department of Human Resources. Site-400's administration was ultimately given permission to draft their own version of SCP-7434's containment procedures, with oversight from Ms. Lauraine herself.

As such, the Chelovek-class was removed, and SCP-7434 was redesignated as Safe. Its main file will be updated accordingly.

Open File Photo?

Close File Photo?

Ms. Lauraine in Site-400's courtyard. Photo taken by Agent Tantei.