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

⚠️ Content warning: NSFW content, risk of depersonalization.

⚠️ content warning

Item#: 7069

Containment Class: euclid

Secondary Class: none

Disruption Class: dark

Risk Class: notice

Special Containment Procedures: A copy of SCP-7069 is kept on an encrypted flash drive in a secure object locker in Site-43. No personnel are permitted to use SCP-7069. While no additional copies of SCP-7069 are believed to exist, should any be discovered, they are to be remotely deleted.

Cover of SCP-7069-EPUB

Description: SCP-7069 is a zip archive that contains two files: SCP-7069-AO3 and SCP-7069-EPUB.

SCP-7069-AO3 is an .html file that, when opened, contains an interface resembling a limited version of the "Publish" interface of the internet fiction website "Archive Of Our Own" (AO3).

The interface differs from the AO3 publish interface in that the "Fandoms" field is locked to "Real Person Fiction" and cannot be altered, the "No Archive Warnings Apply" checkbox in the "Archive Warnings" section is checked and cannot be unchecked, there will always be an entry in the "Relationships" field in the form of Y/Reader, where Y is the user of SCP-7069-AO3's name, and only the Tags and Prefaces subsections are included. Users are not able to specify work associations, work privacy, or the content of the work.

SCP-7069-EPUB is an .epub file that, when not prompted by use of SCP-7069-AO3, contains two pages: a cover page with the title "VK Presents: Reader x You: A Choose Your Own Adventure Story," and a back page with the following description:

Brought to you by VKTM Fan Spotlight:

Ever hear of Swan Theory? Don't believe it? Want to meet the secret puppet masters (Swan Entities 🦢) supposedly pulling the strings of all reality? Well wonder no more: Vikander-Kneed Technical Media is proud to present a way to become intimately acquainted with the nerds who dreamed you into being.

Meet your makers. Dethrone your false gods or know them biblically.

Warning: Higher narrative entities reading this may experience utterly unpredictable events.

An individual may use SCP-7069 by filling out SCP-7069-AO3. They have the full freedom to fill out the remaining fields i.e., "Characters", "Categories", and "Additional Tags". The "Characters" field will autopopulate with people the user knows; the "Additional Tags" field accesses AO3's tag database, though it also accepts freeform entries. The user may specify a title and a summary for the story to be entered.

When the user clicks the "Publish" button, SCP-7069-EPUB will enter an inaccessible state for an observed period of 10 to 30 minutes. After this generation period is over, the file will contain a story adhering to the parameters of what the user entered, using the user's entered summary as a prompt. The cover of SCP-7069 will change to reflect the contents of the story, though with significant artistic license. The user of SCP-7069-AO3 will experience the events described within SCP-7069-EPUB within 1 week, on average.

Testing:

After extensive deliberation, the Ethics Committee permitted limited testing of SCP-7069 under the stipulations that:

The narratives prompted must be constrained and small scale i.e., must be "slice of life."

The narratives prompted must not contravene consensus normalcy i.e., no "alternate universe" scenarios such as Broken Masquerade

The narratives must explicitly guarantee the informed consent of experimental participants.

Test 1:

Dr. Lillian Lillihammer volunteered for testing SCP-7069 due to her experience with VKTM anomalies as well as her memetics resistance. The parameters selected were chosen to minimize individual risk.

SCP-7069 Test 1 Parameters

Rating: General Audiences

Relationships: Lillian Lillihammer/Reader

Characters: Lillian Lillihammer, Original Female Character

Categories: Gen

Tags: Slice of Life, Coffee Shops, Crush at First Sight, Pining, Fluff and Angst, Meet-Cute, Flustered Reader, Useless Lesbians

Title: A Chance Encounter

Summary: While running errands in nearby Grand Bend, Dr Lillian Lillihammer meets someone new. Who is this mysterious stranger, and how do you know so much about her?

Researcher notes: My goal with these "tags" — I don't know how fanfiction works because I have a satisfying life — is to "meet" a "Swan Entity" [sic] that's so instantly dumbstruck by "meeting" me that I'll be in absolutely no danger. I did some preliminary research — acknowledgements to Dr. Blank — and apparently the term "Fluff" means stories with no violence. I wanted to make the "Swan Entity" [sic] as useless as possible, and the "tag name" in the interface was specifically "Useless Lesbians."

Yes, I know it looks vain to assume I can manifest someone who's maddeningly in love with me. No, I don't think it's misplaced.

I wonder if this is what using a dating app is like.

SCP-7069-EPUB generated the following text:

START OF GENERATED FILE

You're sitting in a cute little coffee shop in Grand Bend. There's Canadian things on the walls, like maple leaf paintings and moose heads. You're drinking a large coffee with milk and sugar just the way you like it.

The bell on the door chimes as someone comes in, and you look up. Your breath stops in your throat. Before you is the most beautiful woman you've ever seen. You think you know her, but you dare not assume.

She's tall and slim, and her glossy silver hair goes down to her waist. She goes to the counter and orders, every step she takes like the steps of a dance. You only catch traces of what she's saying, but her voice is like music and it makes you feel warm from your head to your toes. She takes out her card to pay when disaster strikes!

"Oh, uh, sorry," you hear the barista say. "Cash only today. Our card reader is broken."

Though she looks like a goddess, she starts cursing like a sailor. It's almost shocking to see such an angel saying such powerful, forceful words. But this is your chance.

You surge to your feet, sweeping towards the counter, money in hand.

"I can cover her!" you shout, ready to lay down your life for the goddess walking the earth. You throw the cash on the counter.

She gazes at you with contempt in the resplendent sapphire orbs of her eyes. "I could have covered that," she says.

You twist your hair around your finger as the goddess affixes you with her utter disdain. You're so nervous you can barely speak. You ask her to have coffee with you.

She seems ripe to refuse, but then something about you catches her eye. She brushes your hair out of your face, cupping your cheek as her sapphire orbs dart all over your face. Her disdain gives way to something else, something you can't identify but that excites you.

Your heart is beating so fast you can barely breathe. When the barista finishes her coffee, she puts her arm around you and walks you back to your table.

You don't know what she's thinking, but she's staring you down like a tiger staring down a mouse. "Is this… all you want?

"I'm y/n," you say. "And I just… I just wanted to talk to you."

The tension in her shoulders releases a little, though she's still wary. "I'm Lillian," she says. "Why?"

Mysterious Dr. Lillian Lillihammer, memetics prodigy of the even more mysterious SCP Foundation. How can you possibly tell her what you feel? Love at first sight. Love at first glance, even. But would she understand, or would she find it strange? She's the perfect woman and she's sitting across the table from you and by some miracle she's talking to you and curious yet still on guard and what can you possibly say—

"You're beautiful," is all you manage, "and fierce and a really creative curser."

The corners of her lips pull up ever so slightly and she places her hands on the table. "You think that last one's a good thing, y/n?"

And you didn't even manage to talk about how assertive she was or how smart she was or how she was really funny too and so many hundred other things you wish you could tell her —

You reach out and put your hands in hers.

END OF GENERATED FILE

Personnel account:

Dr. Lillian Lillihammer

I'd like to formally state that my actual statements weren't so insipid. Otherwise, the events played out as written. SCP-7069 provides a reflection or representation, not a literal transcript.

I'd taken out more than enough cash to cover it, but I left my purse back at 43 and I didn't realize until I'd stepped in. I tried to keep my temper, but the weather was absolutely terrible, and I had a lapse of control. I stayed on my guard and tried to look for opportunities to minimize uncomfortable contact while gathering maximum information. Following the storyline in SCP-7069 was the best way to do that at every turn.

Anomalous Entity Profile:

Human/humanoid.

Subjectively attractive (see below)

Symmetrical face? Unclear.

Possesses hair, two eyes, human skin. Coloration unknown.

Entity possesses name, which cannot be recalled in full. May be adaptive?

I remember saying her/it's name for certain, even outside of the generated narrative. Am no longer able to do so.

Comparable entry: SCP-5851, predator that operates through second-person narratives.

Not as dangerous — SCP-7069 follows VKTM modus operandi. Predatory, endangering, but nonlethal.

It was like sitting across from a sad puppy that I knew ahead of time had uncomfortably flattering views of me. I was staring her down, but almost all of that was out of curiosity. She was fascinating.

As soon as the events described in the anomaly ended, I pulled my hands away. I told her that while I was very flattered by how she accepted my fiercer tendencies, I barely knew her. I thanked her for paying for the coffee. And yes, I was polite. There was no good reason to poke the bear.

She was able to act outside of the script; she asked me if she would see me again. She apologized for coming on too strong — I don't think I betrayed my emotions, so I wonder if the entity also read the contents of 7069-EPUB, or whether the agency she displayed was driven by the imagination of someone from a higher plane. It might be worth looking into the possibility that these are only chapters pulled from a larger narrative as opposed to merely being generated.

At no point did I feel like I was acting against my will. I was annoyed that everything was going wrong for me, but I was free to leave at any time.

Further research, in my view, is more than warranted.

Transcript: Working Meeting

Due to the metanarrative nature of SCP-7069, Dr. Lillihammer involved a subject matter expert, Dr. Placeholder McDoctorate, Pataphysicist.

Working Meeting 7/3/2024

McDoctorate: I don't like this.

Lillihammer: Do tell.

McDoctorate: I've been studying Swann Entities — and no, I don't know why VKTM is only using one N — my whole life, yet they're inscrutable. We don't know if their brains even work like ours.

Lillihammer groans.

Lillihammer: This bullshit again? I'm real, Place. Not some figment of the imagination. And she — it — was there. Right in front of me.

McDoctorate: I'm not saying you're not real or I'm not real, but our world is not real to them. They're reality warpers on steroids. There's no precedent for what an actual incarnation of a Swann entity would do to our reality. There's honestly no limit to their power, or any limit to their… depravity. There's no knowing what they might do to you, Lily.

Lillihammer: …You're jealous.

McDoctorate: You're free to believe that. But this is what I've spent my life studying.

Lillihammer: You are.

McDoctorate: I'm worried about you. These Swann Entities, you can't ever tell what they're really thinking, what they might be doing to our lives, the mechanism of action… I know you don't want to hear this.

Lillihammer: I don't. Whatever was between us is in the past.

McDoctorate does not respond.

Lillihammer: It's my life. I'm in control. I'm the one who's writing the damn fanfiction summaries. Look me in the eye, Place, and tell me that you think that I'm a sucker for a pretty face. You're telling me that after all this time you think I can't handle myself?

McDoctorate: I know you. And these tags you chose? They look like you're looking for a fling. A chance to study some of the most mysterious entities in the universe, and you're using them for a rebound? Did I ruin regular humans for you?

Lillihammer: Don't flatter yourself. Nobody makes me do anything I don't want to. I can handle myself.

McDoctorate: I know that. Do they?

Test 2:

Dr. Lillihammer affirmed her willingness to conduct more thorough tests on SCP-7069 with the goals of investigating the fidelity of VKTM-generated Swann Entities with regards to baseline reality and confirmed that the parameters she had chosen had sufficiently minimized risk to her person.

Dr. Lillian Lillihammer affirmed that she was not experiencing adverse psychological effects from SCP-7069 use. The parameters selected were chosen to attempt continuity between SCP-7069 reader insert entities.

SCP-7069 Test 2 Parameters

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Characters: Lillian Lillihammer, Original Female Character

Categories: F/F

Tags: Slice of Life, Fluff and Angst, Spring Fling, First Kiss, Misunderstandings, Conflict Resolution, Requited Unrequited Love

Title: A Twist of Fate

Summary: Dr. Lillian Lillihammer runs into a mysterious stranger again while doing field studies in Grand Bend. But what does this mysterious stranger want from her?

Dr. McDoctorate has valid concerns about potentially dangerous unforeseen consequences arising from SCP-7069 and will likely request a review of its testing procedures sometime soon.

I don't believe it would be wise to pause the current course of testing at this time.

START OF GENERATED FILE

You're sitting on a park bench admiring the sights, sounds, and smells of Spring.

Then you feel something change in the air. The birds are trilling songs of love, the wind carries the scent of wildflowers towards you, and the world feels magical as a shadow falls upon you.

"You again," says Dr. Lillian Lillihammer. "I've been thinking about you."

Your heart starts jittering and you feel the blood rush to your face. Beautiful, wonderful Lillian, was thinking about you?

"I looked you up," she says. "No date of birth, no history, nothing. Ran your face through a database. Also nothing."

The blood pumping through your head quiets down. Of course she was curious about you. Of course she'd done lookups. She was a scientist, after all. The chance that she felt the same way about you the way you felt about her was very slim. You (probably) didn't have even a single doctorate (yet).

"So I'm curious," she says, dropping into the bench besides you. You draw a quick breath as her arm brushes your back, which turn into palpitations as she grasps your shoulder. "Why me?"

It's just so forward. So very like her. Striking straight at the heart.

"Why not you?" you ask nervously. "I mean, have you seen yourself?"

"I have," she says. "I've also lived with myself for decades. I remember all of my fuck-ups, and if I'm right, you've read all the interesting ones."

"I didn't think you liked talking about your fuck-ups," you say. You picked this up from reading Chapter 8: Mind Over Matter of Bury The Survivors.

"I don't," she says, narrowing her eyes, "when I have to relive them. But you already know all about them. And yet you still have this crush on me anyways."

"I just… love you so much," you say. You've said it before, but only to the idea of her, the dream of her — not the real thing. "You're strong and smart and pretty. You've been through so much and always come out the other side. You're really clever — you can think your way in and out of any situation. You're everything to me."

She's staring you down with those feline eyes of hers. "You do know everything, don’t you."

You’ve pored over every detail of her life. Every fuck-up only makes her more admirable and more human. Every triumph, more glorious.

"It's weird," she says. Her eyes narrow, staring you down, unblinking. Your heart drops. "Thinking that I'm someone's manic pixie dream girl fantasy. I feel real."

"You are real," you say. How can you dig yourself out of this hole, convince her that your love is beyond the superficial? "You're real to me. You're real in every way that matters."

"Every way?" she says, her eyes not leaving yours for a single second. You can't read her.

Before you can react, she leans in and places her lips on yours.

"Now tell me about yourself, y/n."

END OF GENERATED FILE

Personnel account:

Dr. Lillian Lillihammer

Despite the lack of identifying biographical information, the Swann entity was in my assessment indistinguishable from a regular human in other sensory experiences.

When I was with her, I didn’t notice her… indescribability. There are a lot of adjectives you can use to describe romantic partners: intoxicating. Radiant. Beautiful.

Ideal.

My expertise is in memetics. I perceive memetic influences, and there was nothing artificial in that last statement. I genuinely do find her very attractive, even if there's no paper trail of her existence. I’m much more susceptible to flattery than I thought.

I remember having a conversation with her. I remember speaking with her about one of your interests, and I was impressed by her quick recall and the level of depth she had embraced in that field. I know for certain there's a memetic effect present in that sentence I just wrote, but it operates on a level that I need more time to understand. I have to admit it's a clever trick — keeping me invested enough to seek another meeting.

It's possible it's all a trick by VKTM. Telling us that we have a chance to "meet our gods", then sending over someone that ticks all our boxes. But I can virtually guarantee that whatever magic she had on her was completely distinct from the usual VKTM signatures. They do flashy things that should mean things but actually don't, while she… said things that meant things but are subdued. And I can't help but shake the feeling that this is exactly what I needed, that this is exactly what I asked for and exactly what I wanted right now.

I've spent some time reading comparable works of fanfiction with the assistance of Dr. Harold Blank. Usually — usually — they're quick affairs. Excuses to make characters copulate. Those who know me might think I've precipitously lowered my standards, in considering someone who, most likely, lacks my superadvanced and varied expertise-set.

But honestly? We connected.

I am reasonably sure that I risk no major commitment, reasonably sure I am in no risk of physical, mental, or spiritual harm, and reasonably sure she's more nervous than I am. I've been thinking about Dr. McDoctorate's suggestions, and he's right. Swann entities are unpredictable, and we need to take all the measures we can.

External Communication: Vikander-Kneed Technical Media

Subject to RAISA Data Preservation Measures: External Hostile GoI Communications

To : Marian McPhaerson, Vikander-Kneed Public Outreach

From: Lillian Lillihammer, PhD, Site-43

Subject: Requesting Technical Support: VK Presents: Reader x You: A Choose Your Own Adventure Story

Hi Mari,

I'm going to keep this quick because I don't expect you to give me anything remotely close to a straight answer.

We've run every output of "Reader x You" through every memetic hazard scan we have. It's showing up nothing, of course, but then again you'd know how to make it do that, wouldn't you? I'm also not going to pretend you slipped some mind-whammy past my filters.

Just explain to me why the hell you made this, why you sent it to us, and why and how it works.

Is she real?

Insincerely,

Dr. Lillihammer

Subject to RAISA Data Preservation Measures: External Hostile GoI Communications

To: Lillian Lillihammer, PhD, Site-43

From: Marian McPhaerson, Vikander-Kneed Public Outreach

Subject: Re: Requesting Technical Support: VK Presents: Reader x You: A Choose Your Own Adventure Story

Hi Dr. Lillihammer — may I call you Lily?

Hi Lily,

I'm afraid Mari is currently out of office with Platypus Flu. I'll be filling in for her, I'm her intern Macy May Shepard.

Here at Vikander-Kneed, we treasure and celebrate the power of stories to enrich and uplift our lives. The stories we tell ourselves about our lives, the stories other people tell about us, the stories we use to justify our actions. As an intern at VKTM, I have relished in this opportunity to investigate the synergistic interface between enriching prior work and expanding on alternate narratives. To this end, [COGNITOHAZARD EXPUNGED]

🦢🦢🦢

Am I Mari's intern, or is Mari mine? Who is holding whose strings?

I hope that answers your questions!

With much love,

Macy.

Personnel account:

Dr. Lillian Lillihammer

VKTM was as helpful as ever. I'm making the executive decision to take care of this cleanly. I got her number, and though it's all scribbles I can still reach her. We’re going to meet at the coffee shop again.

Test 3:

SCP-7069 Test 3 Parameters

Rating: Explicit

Characters: Lillian Lillihammer, Original Female Character

Categories: F/F

Tags: REDACTED FOR PERSONNEL PRIVACY

Title: The title of the piece was left blank by operational error; SCP-7069 autogenerated a title

Summary: Your relationship with Dr. Lillihammer goes to the next level. This is everything you've ever dreamed of — but are you ready for it?

START OF GENERATED FILE

Lily Hammering

You’re at the coffee shop where the two of you first met, two cups of coffee in your hands. Beautiful, radiant Lillian sweeps in through the door and flashes you a smile.

You blush.

"Hi," you manage to exhale.

She sits across from you and doesn’t waste any time leaning in for a kiss. It’s long and sensual and she knows what she’s doing. You blush.

"What was that for?"

"Maybe I was just curious," she says mischievously. Then her eyes harden. "Y/n, I need to ask you something."

You swallow. Somehow, you don’t think this will be the most pleasant question.

"Are you really okay with this?" she says.

"Me? Okay with this? Of course I am!" you say. You know Dr. Lillian Lillihammer is fiery, bold, and quick to deem people unworthy of her time. You are overjoyed she seems to find you as fascinating as you find her.

"You know everything about me," Lillian says. "It’s odd. I can see you right in front of me, but the details — they slip right out of my mind. Nothing does that anymore."

"Your eidetic memory," you exhale.

"I never told you about that, either," Lillian says. "And I know so very little about you."

You twirl your hair around your finger. "I’d love to give you the chance to know me better," you say. She's asked you a few basic questions and seemed impressed by how much you knew, but there's so much more you can share with each other.

"About that," she says. "I find myself caring about you, y/n, even though I know it’s weird that I do. I’d like to formally ask your consent to participate in a few basic experiments."

"Did McDoctorate design these? He’s the pataphysics guy, right?"

"You’re not even trying not to look like a stalker now, are you?"

"You’d see right through me," you say. Maybe you’re overestimating her, but you doubt it. "You're so much smarter than anyone else I know. "

"I would and I am," she says, smirking. "But—"

"I absolutely consent," you say. "I trust you, Lily. You know I know you. Anything you want to do. Anything at all."

"Anything at all?" She looks at you. "I am curious."

Your heart swells. You feel warm everywhere, from your head to your heart to your belly to your toes and everywhere in between. She looks at you, a feline gleam in her eyes. Your mouth slowly hangs open, and she seductively licks her lips.

"Do you want to go back to my place," you say breathlessly.

"Let's," she says. "Easier than mine. Don’t ask why."

"So mysterious," you exhale, before giggling. "Security clearances?"

"I told you not to ask, you naughty girl."

Your hands are all over each other as you burst through the door of your house.

REDACTED FOR PERSONNEL PRIVACY

"Wait," she says, pulling back from the kiss, her messy silver hair falling over your face. "Do I need protection?"

"Of course not," you say. "This isn't a fem!preg story."

"A what story?" she snaps. But her harshness quickly softens to a smirk. "I— you know what, I can guess. What about. Infections…"

"Probably not, Lils," you say. "You're here, but me, I'm here, but I'm also there, and do you really want to worry about this now—"

You pull her down instead of finishing your sentence.

REDACTED FOR PERSONNEL PRIVACY

"Not like that," she snaps at you as she grabs your hand. You stare her down, and she stares right back at you. She adjusts her hand ever so slightly. "There."

REDACTED FOR PERSONNEL PRIVACY

She applies pressure to your jaw. It smells like sweat and musk, yet it's everything you've ever wanted. She leans forward, putting more pressure on you that feels comfortable. Almost too much.

For a brief moment you consider tapping out — getting her to stop — making her relent. She's jabbing at you, poking and prodding, seeing how far you'll let her go. But you don't. You've always thought you would die to be between her REDACTED FOR PERSONNEL PRIVACY

REDACTED FOR PERSONNEL PRIVACY

She exhales, staring right up at the ceiling. "That was… quite something."

"Was I better than Eileen?"

She snorts. "That’s your idea of pillow talk? Not something about (your interests here)?"

She’s smirking as she says it, and she’s utterly radiant in the afterglow. She’s perfect.

She always will be.

"What’s bothering you?" she says.

"You mean so much to me," you say. "You really, really do. You know that, right?"

Her blue eyes are so gentle as they stare into your own. "Y/n," she says gently. "Y/n."

"I just… I…" you say, as you snuggle up against her, pushing into the nape of her neck. "I’m just not sure I can see you again. Not like this. Not this way."

She strokes your face. "Because you’re from somewhere up there," she says. "Somewhere all the Swann Entities have to live and breathe and do their normal boring lives, instead of descending down here with the little people."

"You’re not a little person!" you say. "I don’t think you’ll believe me. How can you? You’re everything to me."

"And we can be here, in our own little world," she says, propping herself up by the arm to look at you. "But not forever."

"No," you say. "Not forever. We're from different worlds."

The two of you pull each other tightly together. There’s an unspoken warmth between you, and you clutch on to each other like you might never again.

"I used to dream of being just like you," you say in a whisper after a few minutes. "When I read about you, I saw… someone perfect. Someone who could do anything and conquer anything."

"I definitely conquered you," she murmurs, her breath brushing the crown of your head.

"In more ways than one," you say, kissing her collarbone. "I saw you as someone who made life worth living. And meeting you here, in the flesh… it’s more than I could ever have asked for."

"I’ve loved getting to know you," she says. "And I'm flattered that you think so much of me. I think I'm perfect, but it's always nice to meet someone else who feels the same way."

Tears come to your eyes. "We can’t do this forever, Lil. I’m not even sure — I’m not even sure we’ll ever see each other again. You’ve done all the research on me you can, and… this is the last entry in the series."

She pulls herself up again, her fugue broken. "In the series," she says. "To you, I'm just words on a page."

"I'm reading about us," you say. "And this is the last chapter. I’ll never forget you. Even if I have to keep rereading this story, over and over again."

She grabs you by the shoulders and stares you in your eyes. "I'm real, and what we've been sharing with each other is real," she says.

"I know!" you say. "You mean so much to me. You really do! But… that's all this is. Words on a page. I don't want to leave you, but this is where the story of our love ends…"

"But you," she says, "You can come back to this story whenever you want. You can relive it, the same way you read it the first time, every time. And to you I'll always be here, and I'll always be the hot mess who didn't realize who I really was, and I'll always be whoever I become in the future. To you I'll never age. I'll never die. And whenever you need me, I'll be here — and even if it's left unsaid, you'll always be able to imagine that I'm thinking of you."

You blink the tears away and give her a watery smile. "You make it sound like you're more real than I am."

That gets a chuckle from her, but she remains morose. She wraps her arms around you and pulls you into a tight embrace.

She caresses your face. "I’ll never forget you either, y/n," she says. "And just because your fanfiction ends, doesn’t mean our story does. I'll be with you forever. "

She pulls you into a kiss.

And the night goes on.

END OF GENERATED FILE

Dr. Lillian Lillihammer

I have no further comments on the events of the previous log.

I think the extent of my interaction with SCP-7069 has run its course. I've learned what I could, and I gave us both something we rarely see in this line of work — a happy ending.

My official recommendation is that we conduct further testing. In retrospect, I was a bad candidate to test the ability of this anomaly to generate implausible situations. There's a lot to like about me, and I completely believe that if Swann entities are watching every moment of our lives, one could fall in love with me.

I suggest testing this on someone nobody could possibly emphathize with, someone who desperately wants their life to be better than it is, someone who would absolutely jump at the opportunity for a way out. Someone who is so ridiculously whiny and entitled that only someone seriously fucked up could love them.

We'll see how far the rabbit hole goes.

Test 4 Specifications:

Dr. William Wettle was provided access to SCP-7069 and permitted to believe this was unauthorized. Dr. Wettle selected "Gen" and entered no additional characters or tags. He entered the summary "The fucking authors stop fucking over my fucking life."

SCP-7069 has since remained unresponsive to additional user input.

Author's Note

Hide Author's Note

Hi everybody,

I'd like to dedicate this to my friends Margie and Dune.

Humans are more than flesh and blood. We are creatures of story. We use stories to give meaning and direction to our lives. The worst of us tell ourselves stories and pretend that these stories are fact or truth.

Once, I introduced a group of my friends to Riverdale, one of the worst shows on modern television. When I spoke to them later, they told me that the character of Jughead Jones had inspired them to pursue a Masters degree. If a hot mess like Jughead could get a Masters, then so could they.

I think there is genuinely something beautiful about people who embrace stories. I saw someone once say that "cosplay is the purest expression of fandom." I disagree. Here in the SCP Wiki we are become creation itself.

Despite how silly it may seem, stories matter. It doesn't matter if these things are real or if they actually happened in our world — the emotions they elicit are real to us all the same. Catharsis.

Thank you, my friends, for inspiring me.

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