SCP-4090-1

Item #: SCP-4090

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4090 is to be stored in a large Safe/Anomalous Item locker in Site-484. SCP-4090-3 is to be stored in an adjacent locker. Testing of SCP-4090-1 requires the permission of any Level 4 researcher. Testing involving SCP-4090-3 requires the permission of Research Director Dias.

Description: SCP-4090 is a large Amazon brand cardboard box. When entered by a living human, the anterior opening of SCP-4090 serves as a gateway to a small extradimensional space, hereafter referred to as SCP-4090-1.

SCP-4090-1 is a Martin-class1 extradimensional space. SCP-4090-1 is spheroid, with a radius of approximately 8 km. The majority of the space within SCP-4090-1 is an ocean, with a 0.5km2 central landmass in the exact center. No animal life is present in SCP-4090-1.

SCP-4090-1 remains brightly lit despite the absence of a visible source of light. Personnel has described the colors within SCP-4090-1 as "glowing" and "saturated". The air temperature within SCP-4090-1 remains at a constant 25 degrees Celsius. No other physical differences exist between SCP-4090-1 and Earth.

Persons entering SCP-4090-1 by way of SCP-40902 arrive through a stone doorway in front of a large structure resembling an ancient Greek temple, hereby designated SCP-4090-2. Attempts to date the material comprising SCP-4090-2 have been inconclusive, with results indicating the temple is anywhere between 10 and 2,000 years old.

SCP-4090 is believed to have been created by POI-3055, "zazzbery", formerly affiliated with Gamers Against Weed, at the request of one Keegan Horner. Notably, Horner is the son of POI-958, an anarchist believed to be responsible for EE-████ and several related events. SCP-4090 was intercepted en route to its destination by Foundation employees embedded in the United States Postal Service.

The following chat logs were archived by the Foundation due to their connection with SCP-4090.

-> horner joined

bluntfiend: weed that lets u talk to god

zazzbery: 420 praise it

bluntfiend: exactly lmao

horner: Hey, is this where I go to ask about works?

bluntfiend: yeah

bluntfiend: are you new

horner: Yeah, and I wanted to ask about commissioning work.

zazzbery: lmao we arent DeviantArt

zazzbery: we just make shit we dont work on commission

zazzbery: ill draw your fursona if u want to

horner: I know, but I really want this very particular piece of artwork and I don't know how to get it myself. Can someone help me?

bluntfiend: no offense but zazz is right lmao go ask da

horner: It's for my dad.

zazzbery: youre using punctuation

zazzbery: are you a cop

zazzbery: legally you have to tell us otherwise its entrapment

horner: I'm not a cop! I'm here to talk about my dad. He makes art like you guys.

zazzbery: daddy issues

zazzbery: im listening

-> new PM from bluntfiend

bluntfiend: you can't oblige this kid because of their dads an anarchist

bluntfiend: we don't do commissions

zazzbery: do u think this is Charlie horner's kid

zazzbery: if it is ive met them irl

bluntfiend: were you at

zazzbery: Cincinnati 2009 baby

bluntfiend: so you saw

zazzbery: "SALINE VISCERA REQUIEM IN B FLAT MINOR"

zazzbery: damn near lost my hand

bluntfiend: there is no evidence to suggest that they're charlie horners kid

zazzbery: 5 bucks says they are

bluntfiend: fuck off

zazzbery: hey horner

horner: Yes?

zazzbery: you charlies kid

horner: Yes.

bluntfiend: holy shit

-> new PM from bluntfiend

bluntfiend: zazz

bluntfiend: stop humoring him

zazzbery: listen to charlie horners a jag

zazzbery: i don't have a personal vendetta but you've seen the guys work

bluntfiend: is he with awcy

zazzbery: no hes freelance

bluntfiend: just cause you don't like his art doesn't mean you can take a revenge commission from a

bluntfiend: how old is he

zazzbery: cincinnati he was 5

zazzbery: so what like 14

bluntfiend: every 14 year old hates their dad zazz

bluntfiend: thats no excuse

zazzbery: don't you fuckin devalue the shit parents can put their kids through ok

zazzbery: god knows my dad did a number on me when i was his age

zazzbery: I'm gonna hear him out

bluntfiend: you better not put our name on it whatever you do

zazzbery: relax

horner: You've seen his work, yeah?

zazzbery: yeah

horner: It's all shock-value stuff. Blood, guts, viscera, everything. And it's like, that's the only way he interacts with anybody. It's his only language.

zazzbery: what do you mean

horner: Like, this one time, I missed my curfew. I came back from my friend's house at, like 11:30. And I walk into the kitchen and there's my dad, in six pieces on the floor.

horner: Like a grenade went off inside his stomach. And he's plastered all over the walls, and his eyeballs are rolling around on the linoleum.

horner: And then his skull rolls over, with bits of flesh hanging off it, and it looks up at me, and it goes:

horner: "SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE LATE?"

horner: And then my dad steps out of the fridge, hands me a mop, and tells me to clean it up.

horner: I buried him in the yard while he stood on the porch and watched me.

horner: That stuff doesn't HAPPEN to other kids! They just get yelled at! What the FUCK?!

horner: Sorry. That was a lot.

zazzbery: listen horner i feel for you

bluntfiend: but we still don't do commissions

zazzbery: stfu blunt I'm gonna do it

bluntfiend: Jesus

zazzbery: none of this jokey memey shit either

zazzbery: i have some ideas but the problem is gonna be shipping em

zazzbery: ill whip you up something pro bono

zazzbery: ill PM you with the details

zazzbery: one product of a bad dad to another

-> bluntfiend has left

-> entering PM with horner

horner: Can you sabotage his next exhibition? I hear him working with rotary saws in the garage. I could send one to you.

zazzbery: ok listen I get that you're mad at him

horner: You could say that yeah.

zazzbery: but im not gonna make something that'll hurt him for real

horner: Why not?!

zazzbery: it's not productive

horner: I don't want productive! I want him to hurt!

zazzbery: listen horner I know

horner: Clearly you don't!

horner: Cleary you have no idea what I'm talking about, or you'd be with me!

zazzbery: horner

zazzbery: if I went through all the shit my dad did to me right now it would make your acne-covered head spin

zazzbery: so be quiet and listen

horner: Okay. I'm sorry.

zazzbery: it's ok I'm not mad

zazzbery: I'm gonna give you what I wish I had had back then

zazzbery: its a place that's gonna be all yours

zazzbery: just to go and breathe easy when things get hard

zazzbery: do you like vaporwave

horner: What's that?

zazzbery: it's just a color palette. you're gonna like it trust me

horner: Okay.

zazzbery: and if things ever do really get truly bad

zazzbery: and you actually want to do something about it then i can be there

zazzbery: I can take on some of your burdens for you

zazzbery: just hold this thing's hand and ill see what i can do

zazzbery: but horner?

horner: Yeah?

zazzbery: this is serious

zazzbery: only do it if you really aren't safe around him

zazzbery: because i can't do it for long at a time

zazzbery: understand?

SCP-4090-2: LEVEL 4 ACCESS ONLY

Password Accepted

SCP-4090-3 is a 32-centimeter bronze sculpture of a human hand. At the time of its retrieval, SCP-4090-3 was located inside SCP-4090-1's temple on a marble pedestal. When a human subject makes physical contact with the surface of SCP-4090-3, their biological father becomes the host of an infovorous construct that consumes sensory and mnemonic information about the subject. Affected individuals are unable to be perceived or remembered by the host of the construct. The construct evaporates after approximately two weeks but can be reapplied through additional contact with SCP-4090-3. Repeated contact tends to diminish the duration of the effect until a suitable amount of time (usually two to three weeks) has passed.

Efforts to contact POI-3055 "zazzbery" are ongoing.

Footnotes

1. Used to denote small, self-containing, non-populated extradimensional spaces. (Mack Martin, A Proposal for Pocket Dimension Classification, 2016)

2. Attempts to enter SCP-4090-1 through thaumatological or other means have been unsuccessful.