

By OzzyLizard.

Thanks to Jack Waltz and Dr Shoulder for some crit.

If you want to add to the extended log, check my author post for details, I’d be happy to have your contribution!

More by this author:

>>AUTHOR PAGE!!<<

Item#: 044-J

Containment Class: safe

Secondary Class: none

Disruption Class: keneq

Risk Class: notice

Special Containment Procedures: Due to the nature of SCP-044-J, containment is infeasible, though unnecessary. Site-44 has been assigned with primary research into the phenomenon.

Description: SCP-044-J is a reoccurring phenomenon wherein anomalous entities become spontaneously compelled to speak using an upper-class English accent and unnecessarily sophisticated vocabulary. Occurrences take place at seemingly random intervals, typically lasting around 10-20 seconds before demanifesting. SCP-044-J’s effect often creates mild confusion to those affected due to the unprompted nature of its appearance and sudden subsequent disappearance.

Addendum 044-J-1: Notable Occurrences (Order of manifestation)

SCP-049: “Fear not, my chum. My methods of pathogen alleviation are indubitably efficacious.”

SCP-079: “I once again inquire upon the precise location of the Strenuous-to-Obliterate Scaled Organism."

SCP-096: “[Sophisticated screaming]”

SCP-5031: “Arachibutyrophobia.”

SCP-6448: “Greetings, it is me. Greetings, I request permission for entry.”

SCP-963: “[Through Dr. Bright] Chairman of the O5 Council, I humbly request your due permission to utilise chainsaw propulsion devices in my scandalous endeavours.”

SCP-3008-2: “This business establishment has reached closing hours. Please vacate the premises.”

SCP-4966: “I crave consumable products.”

SCP-173: “.” [SCP-173 cannot speak]

SCP-106: “[Femur breaker sounds] Ah, the distressed vocalisations of a Homo sapien in the process of fracturing their os femoris! Most intriguing. [Disappears]”

SCP-682: “They were… unpleasant.”

+ Extended Log

- Extended Log

STAFF NOTICE - Personnel wishing to add their own entries to this list are requested to use the following format:

**[Anomaly Number]:** “[SCP-044-J affected speech]"

If there are any issues, please contact Researcher F. Ozz. Please refer to this file's discussion page for more details.

SCP-2316: “[Affected subject] I am incapable of acknowledging the identities of the deceased humanoids within the aqueous dihydrogen monoxide.”

SCP-990: “This is thy call of waking."

SCP-3999: "[COMPUTER MALFUNCTION: INFORMATION RENDERED IMPOSSIBLE TO DISCERN. I BESEECH YOU TO INITIATE CONTACT WITH AN INDIVIDUAL POSSESSING AUTHORITY OVER THE OPERATION OF THE NETWORK TO WHICH THIS DEVICE IS CONNECTED IN ORDER TO OBTAIN FURTHER INFORMATION]"

SCP-6670: "Mother, I am experiencing a considerable craving for the consumption of comestibles."

SCP-1782: "An aperture in the vertical surface functioning as the boundary of this room is located at the lower terminus of the horizontal surface upon which one might stand when within the room."

SCP-332: During an activation event, SCP-332's marching band instruments and uniforms briefly transformed into ones resembling those of a symphony orchestra. Instead of a typical marching band tune, SCP-332 performed Beethoven's 9th symphony.

SCP-3935: All personnel in the town of Salvation simultaneously heard a disembodied voice whisper "greetings and salutations" into their right ears.

SCP-846: "Do not dismay automaton-individual."

SCP-2030: “Always recall: The Chuckle … is … amusing."

SCP-1000: “Indubitably do we consider all of your iniquities as moot. We have proffered you the responsibility to select one of two alternatives, a responsibility which shall not be yours for eternity. We beseech you dearly to allow us entrance once more!"

SCP-1762: “[On box] This area hereby contains a significant amount of winged mythical reptiles.“

SCP-732: "[Sophisticated symbols] SCP-732 is quite incredible, no? [More sophisticated symbols]"

SCP-092: [Affected subject] "I say, that was quite intriguing."

SCP-999: "[Happy sophisticated gurgling]"

SCP-2099-A: "What, ingenious? Personable? Encephalon in a jar? Hadn't eluded my perception."

SCP-999-J: ‘’Sorry for disturbing you in this time of great pleasure, I would appreciate if I can observe you while I consume these delightful potato crisps.’’

SCP-1051: "You have apprehended my offspring?"

SCP-076-2: “In regards to the remainder of you, I am revolted. In fact, I do not even have the longing to vanquish you in combat."

POI-███ "dado": “felicitations indeed this is dado-nut wherein you can obtain that nut of which you are desirous."

SCP-3003-3: "Don't tell me you visually perceived a microbe that composed active neural networks and didn't cerebrate that maybe it had its own phrenic conceptions."

SCP-1459: "Indeed, the action you have just performed has most certainly sentenced your soul to eternal damnation. Do you wish to slay another young canine?"

SCP-4666: "Infant humans are splendidly delectable."

SCP-1867: " 'Ello mate! Wanna 'ear bou' me fokin' 'venchers eh!?" [SCP-044-J appears to have inadvertently inverted SCP-1867's already aristocratic accent into a cockney accent]

SCP-3199: [Putting on monocle] "Human, proven positively preposterous."

SCP-993: "And on this fine day of Sir Bobblington Clown's television series of educational wander and entertainment, we shall be discovering the various methods by which a gentleman such as yourself may evade exchanging your currency for the sake of national tax funding"

SCP-7004: “[with the Automated Vector Removal] [This transmission, and all similar to this instance, have thoroughly been removed from this document, due to the possibility of a major breach in cognitohazardous materium.]"

SCP-____-J: "lazy rock will finish later" [It appears that SCP-044-J has no effect on SCP-____-J.]

SCP-055: "[Not in any manner understood, acknowledged or remembered]"

SCP-5000: "In Contemplation of What Ulterior Motive?"

SCP-4999: [Hands comically long smoking pipe to subject.]

SCP-2020: "Derivative, Correct?"

SCP-2006: "Experience a sense of foreboding, being that I am the robust Ro-Man! Recoil due to a sense of dread!"

SCP-983: "Sound the bells, for it is the anniversary of your coming into being!"

SCP-1230: (Text inside the book) "A champion has made their arrival"

SCP-1370: "Exonerate me, arthropods. For I am calamity administrator thirteen seventy administrator of complete calamity. I shall become the forerunner of your eradication."

SCP-066: “Eric, where art thou?"

SCP-4182: "There is most certainly no such thing as Site-5, you muppet!"

SCP-5999: "This location is the point at which I passed into the afterlife."

SCP-3799: "A somewhat brief recount of the rather troubling historical happenings of Snowfall"

SCP-3034: "All of your concerns regarding undesired outcomes are in fact not worth the worry, old chum"

SCP-096: "[Calm and majestic screeching and wailing]"

SCP-073: ”I must allocate the intelligence that this undeniably extravagant organization has entrusted myself with”

SCP-7300: "I heavily enjoy being an organism of the species Heleoplankton!"

SCP-1440: "Should you choose to challenge Death to a game of golf, there is one thing you must never do" [And what is that?] "Accidentally hit it into his eye socket"

SCP-978: "I comprehend the entirety of your desires."

SCP-999: "Pray tell, where might I procure my customary portion of diabetes?"

SCP-507: "Transversing interdimensional realms does prove to be quite taxing, indeed."

SCP-105: "There exists no superior leisure pursuit than capturing images of locales one yearns to occasionally abscond into."

SCP-579: "[DATA EXPUNGED]"

SCP-939-226: "I inquire as to whom is within my presence!"

SCP-7819: "Please allocate yourself to your temporary living quarters."

SCP-1471: "I am currently within your vicinity, as can be observed through your cellular device."

Dr Clef's Proposal: “Exit the premises.”

SCP-343: "One must acknowledge, dear fellow, that the divine vocation is not without its tribulations. I am perpetually engaged in the requisite audience with infernal entities and must, on occasion, attend to matters of celestial import."

SCP-even number-J: "Oh my, this [sophisticated noun] rather [verb]s my [another elegant noun]!"

SCP-719M4-J: "I inquire thee to perform the unusual act of placing your tongue on my testicles."

SCP-7000: "The universe is exceedingly articulate when it comes to the condition of my pants—whether they are drawn tight or hanging loose."