Item #: SCP-7286

SCP-7286 during routine maintenance.

Object Class: Enochian

Special Containment Procedures: No persons are to enter SCP-7286 at any time without direct permission from an acting HMCL supervisor or Air Conditioning Division representative.

Janitorial maintenance is conducted every Tuesday from 14:00 PM to 15:00 PM (EST/EDT) in order to promote accurate metaphysical output, and is not to be disturbed.1

SCP-7286-A's filters must be checked every two weeks, and replaced/cleaned if necessary. SCP-7286-A's condenser and compressor must also be checked regularly, and cleaned of any debris. SCP-7286-A's refrigerant levels must be closely monitored at all times. SCP-7286-A's ductwork must be checked for leaks every thirty days. SCP-7286-A's drain pans must be cleaned every week.

Any lapse in this regimen constitutes a containment breach; those found responsible will be met with swift disciplinary action.

Description: SCP-7286 is a 130 sqft room located inside Provisional Outpost-A904, a faux two-story home in suburban Garrett Park, Maryland, USA. SCP-7286 is outfitted with SCP-7286-A, an anomalous air conditioning unit of no determinable make, or distinct origin. Because of its endowment with SCP-7286-A, an object of high Noospheric and Semiospheric significance, SCP-7286 has defined the general qualities of what is considered "comfortable air conditioning" on the planet Earth since it was fitted with SCP-7286-A on May 3rd, 1992.

SCP-7286-A.

The air temperature, pressure, and humidity of SCP-7286 are continually extrapolated from the physical reality of the room itself, converted into their emotional and sensory components, and redistributed back into the collective human experience as the conception of what composes a "well-air-conditioned" living space. Any significant alterations to the aforementioned attributes inside of SCP-7286 have the potential to be enormously consequential for global civilization; SCP-7286-A is finely tuned to match the needs of the human body, but this is not required for a change to propagate into the psychospace.

SCP-7286-A is, as is apparent on all relevant paperwork, the chief responsibility of the "Air Conditioning Division", an ill-documented subset of the SCP Foundation's Department of Logistics. Provisional Outpost-A904 is owned — and ostensibly operated by — the Division; all requests for changes to protocol concerning SCP-7286 (including alterations to its Special Containment Procedures) must first be processed and explicitly authorized by the group.

The Air Conditioning Division is recognized only in name and prescribed purpose within Foundation documentation; no personnel have ever reported directly encountering an agent of the Division or anyone claiming to be in close correspondence with them. Records of the Division's creation are nonexistent, as are any Division records not related to SCP-7286. Motions which would classify the Air Conditioning Division as a unique Group Of Interest are currently awaiting approval.

Incident SCP-7286-018: On April 28th, 2010, an HVAC technician assigned to SCP-7286-A improperly cleaned its compressor, resulting in a prolonged blockage (primarily composed of leaves). This left the unit in a vulnerable position, prompting moderate overheating. Personnel were oblivious to this until the compressor was checked again five days later.

The technician (F████ R████, 42 years) was found culpable on May 3rd, and was executed by firing squad the following Sunday. Its family were informed of its death under the cover story of a disastrous motor vehicle collision, leaving its body unrecognizable.

The following note was anonymously mailed to the technician's home address on April 29th:

+ Show

- Hide

COOL IT.

- SCP Foundation Air Conditioning Division

Footnotes

1. Maintenance includes vacuuming, dusting, carpet cleaning (conducted every three weeks) and emptying the designated waste basket.

This maintenance is not to be conducted on any of the eight Catholic holy days.

Author's Note

Hide Author's Note

I love my air conditioner. I'm not usually a huge fan of a lot of other appliances, but my unit cools me off in the summer, especially when I can't get out of bed. When the temps hit 105 and I have to go get a driver to drive me to work. I've even got my uncle to help out when it comes to putting the ceiling fan on.

I was a little nervous installing it because it's so high up, but it looks pretty good. My grandma was on her feet trying to help and she almost fell.

Thankfully, she stopped herself in time, though she never did get back up. As for me, I'm leaving work early today!

You know, there are very few alternatives for air conditioning. There are home air conditioning units, which generally only cool one or two rooms in the house at a time and aren’t ideal for large houses. Then there are residential electric air conditioners (which you can get for $35 to $300 for a window unit or less), which are a bit smaller than the standard air conditioner unit and cost about $500 or more. Even these options have large electricity consumption requirements. If I lived in a warm climate, I would consider installing a larger unit, which would require a significantly higher electrical load than a standard air conditioning unit.

If I lived in a cold climate, I’d probably opt for a standard air conditioner. My mom is living in Portland, Oregon – where average temperatures are about 70 degrees during the summer – and she’s happy with her $550 window air conditioner, which cools about half her home.

What would you do if you were living in a cold climate?

Thanks for reading. ✌️