Item #: SCP-1848

Object Class: Euclid Safe

Special Containment Procedures: [Previous Iterations Expunged]: Containment Iteration 71

Initial Proposal, 1986: Direct contact with SCP-1848 is not permitted and should not be attempted under any circumstances. SCP-1848 is to be contained in a single room containment suite in Site-19's North Wing, subsection four. It is to be heavily guarded, with no fewer than eight regularly rotating guards and a constantly shifting staff.2 While basic amenities are allowed, these requests must be made through written statements, which are then carefully analyzed before being permitted.

Revised Procedures: For Containment Lead's Eyes Only

Access Granted

Revision, 1994: SCP-1848's containment team should be made up of people with low dynamic personality scores. It is paramount that SCP-1848 only be monitored by those without significant interests, hobbies, or other strong feelings about subjects. Amnestic dosing is appropriate for those who develop such interests, and rotation of staff is only necessary when amnestics are no longer a viable option.

Description: SCP-1848 currently presents as a middle-aged, Caucasian male, approximately 1.7 meters tall and 130 kilograms (the approximate height, weight, and appearance of Dr. Ellis Cartwright, the head of SCP-1848's containment team). SCP-1848 is known to change forms, but it has maintained its current form since the most recent revision of its containment procedures. During interviews with SCP-1848, it has claimed to be over a hundred different mythical and historical figures, including: Raven, Coyote, Loki, Hermes, Anansi, Saci, John F. Kennedy, and Jesus Christ. It never offers evidence to support these claims. Rather, people hearing them are simply convinced, usually through what they believe to be completely logical arguments (see Addendum SCP-1848-Interview Sample).

SCP-1848 has been in the Foundation's custody for over seventy-five years, during which time it has breached containment on 386 occasions. SCP-1848 does this by assuming the appearance of people, objects, or even locations which can be used to emotionally manipulate the viewer (see Addendum SCP-1848-Observations). Most often, SCP-1848 appears as a human being or animal from the observer's past.

In the past, actions which seemed innocuous to those observing them — giving advice to researchers about their career goals, helping fix a broken door, preparing a meal — always resulted in strongly negative outcomes, usually things which SCP-1848 found amusing or humorous (see Addendum SCP-1848-Incidents). While three people have been critically injured in these incidents, SCP-1848 does not appear to be pursuing these attempts with malicious goals. Instead, it appears to find genuine amusement in its 'pranks' and believes others do as well.

After extensive research, it was discovered that SCP-1848's abilities are directly tied to the emotional and mental states of those it encounters. By minimizing encounters, incidents have dropped off drastically. Currently, SCP-1848 has not changed forms or shifted its appearance since Dr. Cartwright's major shift in its containment procedures in 1994.

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Addendum SCP-1848: Interviews

While there are hundreds of recorded interviews with SCP-1848, only a handful are considered completely safe for observation. Far too often, SCP-1848's ability to convince people to perform tasks or open the containment chamber is conveyed to those observing it as entirely logical and sensible, even through text transcripts. The few examples retained here were chosen to educate new staff members about the dangers of non-standard communication with SCP-1848 and has a text-communication rate of less than .35%.

WARNING: Do Not Skim This Section. Read It Carefully. Before unlocking this document, please remember that a 'husticorn' does not exist and is not real. At this time, if you doubt that fact, please stop reading the document and perform research on the term. When you are convinced, please proceed.

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SCP-1848 appears to Guard Alderman as, according to Alderman, a "good friend from middle school that I've not seen in years."

SCP-1848: Man, I am hungry. Are you hungry?

Guard Alderman: I could probably eat. Do you want something?

SCP-1848: I do. You know what I could go for? A big, juicy steak.

Guard Alderman: That does sound good. What sort of steak you like?

SCP-1848: Well, way back when, I preferred bison, but now, I like a husticorn.

Guard Alderman: Husticorn? Never heard of it. That some kinda cow?

SCP-1848: Oh, yeah. It's the best kind of cow. See, they make sure that the cows are happy. You know happy cows give you more milk, right?

Guard Alderman: I've heard something like that before, yeah.

SCP-1848: Well, happy cows give better meat, too.

Guard Alderman: No shit?

SCP-1848: No shit at all, my man. They're delicious.

Guard Alderman: How do they manage it?

SCP-1848: They make sure they're getting… attention.

Guard Alderman: You mean…

SCP-1848: Mhmm. Those cows are gettin' laid all day, every day.

Guard Alderman: Now I know you're fucking with me.

SCP-1848: No, no! On my honor, I am only preaching truth.

Guard Alderman: And cows getting some means their meat tastes better?

SCP-1848: It does. It genuinely does.

Guard Alderman: Hell, now I've heard everything.

SCP-1848: Oh, no. You've not heard the craziest part.

Guard Alderman: Crazier than well-fucked cows being the best meat?

SCP-1848: Even crazier.

Guard Alderman: And what's that?

SCP-1848: It's the farmers… what are doin' the damned fuckin'!

Guard Alderman: What? Why the hell would they do that?

SCP-1848: Well, they originally had the bulls doing it, but they got worn out. Couldn't keep up with it. So the farmers had to start going out to the pasture to pleasure the lady cows.

Guard Alderman: <laughing> You're full of it.

SCP-1848: No, no, no. I swear. Every word of it is true.

Guard Alderman: Every word of it is true?

SCP-1848: Every word.

Guard Alderman: So you're telling me I should go diddle a cow for the best steak?

SCP-1848: Well, you don't have to do the whole cow. Just part of the cow will do it.

Guard Alderman: What?

SCP-1848: Yeaaah. That's what the farmers figured out. They figured out that they could just hump a cow's flanks or anywhere they wanted to taste good, and it would work.

Guard Alderman: <laughing>

SCP-1848: I promise you. I promise you to this day, there are farms out there, husticorn farmers, who are grinding the nasty on their cows.

Guard Alderman: <laughing> And that works with any part of the cow?

SCP-1848: Any part. Best steak you ever had.

Guard Alderman: <laughing>

Guard Alderman was relieved of duty on a regular round change five minutes later. The next day, he was found in the Site-19 kitchen, pressing raw meat against his genitals. When approached by site security, he explained to them what he was doing and why, at which point, seven other members of site staff proceeded to do the same. It was not until a vigorous search of databases concluded that "husticorns" did not exist that those in question ceased preparing their meals in this way.

WARNING: Do Not Skim This Section. Read It Carefully. Before unlocking the following document, please review Foundation procedures. It is not necessary, anywhere in the procedural documents, to urinate in your pants, nor have any of those facts been expunged. At no point will this be necessary. Once you are certain that it is not necessary for you to do so, please proceed.

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Addendum SCP-1848: Observations

What follows is a short list of the various forms into which SCP-1848 has changed. Please remember that SCP-1848 fully possesses the ability to change into a seemingly limitless number of forms, even though it currently does not. Do not underestimate its ability to trick, fool, or obfuscate the truth.

Observer
Results

Dr. Everett Mann
Appeared as Dr. Mann's deceased uncle. Told him he was proud of the work that he had done for the Foundation and encouraged him to do more. No further incident reported.

Dr. Edmund Caspar
Appeared as a 'golden rain from the sky.' Encouraged Dr. Caspar to be: "more open with your wife."4

Agent [REDACTED]
Appeared as a large, obese woman, laughing loudly, and said: "This is what you've been wanting to see for years, baby! This is the real me!" Agent [REDACTED] laughed, then responded that "Anything is better than nothing at this point." Following a moment of silence, SCP-1848's appearance shifted to that of a young woman, brown hair, in her early thirties, and remarked: "Here's what you really want then. But it's worse than the joke, really."5

Dr. Howard Grant
Appeared as Associate Researcher Light wearing a sandwich board which read "Repent! Repent! The End is Near!" Chanted for five minutes about the world's end, then returned to its previous state.

Agent Bernard North
Appeared as an adult version of a childhood acquaintance. Reportedly told Agent North: "I threw the game that day because my dad hit me the night before and I wanted to make him mad." Agent North was shaken, and recommended for counseling.

Researcher Bernice Malki
Appeared as an adult male, staring intensely. Reportedly told Researcher Malki: "I always wanted to do things to you, but your parents wouldn't let me get close." SCP-1848 continued to act menacingly, and called Researcher Malki 'niece' several times. Agent Malki reported that she didn't have any uncles.6

Dr. Eunice Walker
Appeared as the subject's childhood bedroom. When Dr. Walker entered, SCP-1848 abruptly changed back into its previous form, then performed eructation. Testers believe Dr. Walker was dead until SCP-1848 suddenly flatulated loudly, then squatted and defecated a shocked and unharmed Dr. Walker onto the floor.7

Researcher Vladim Eisenberg
Appeared as Leonid A. Eisenberg, the younger brother of researcher Eisenberg. The siblings talked for approximately ten minutes in the Rusyn dialect of Ukrainian, with Leonid claiming to be owed a significant debt by his sibling, and intent to rectify the situation by claiming his cat, Nastasia, for subsequent resale to rag collectors. Researcher Eisenberg left the cell significantly distraught and spent the following eighteen hours locked in his office.

Dr. Alto Clef
Appeared as an Arby's Roast Beef Sandwich. Dr. Clef was confused, and picked up the sandwich when asked. The sauce on the sandwich dripped free. Dr. Clef's shirt subsequently stained.8

Dr. L. Goose
Appeared as a former manager from a previous position of employment. Was told that he was late to work, and that he had been for six years. Dr. Goose began crying and left the room rapidly.

Dr. Jeremiah Cimmerian
Appeared as SCP-2091-2. Dr. Cimmerian and SCP-1848 began a conversation related to SCP-2091-2's continued confinement. Conversation concluded with Dr. Cimmerian remarking that SCP-2091-2 would be released from custody at a future date, with SCP-1848 interrupting Dr. Cimmerian to say "Why can't it happen now?" Dr. Cimmerian attempted to placate SCP-1848, who burst into tears and began screaming at Dr. Cimmerian, who was asked to leave the room.9

Dr. King
Appeared as a waiter serving a multiple-course meal including oysters, lamb with mint sauce, filet mignon, roast salmon, and vanilla ice-cream. Dr. King consumed meal without incident, but was admitted to medical wards the following day from debilitating and acute paranoia.

Researcher Rose Labelle
Appeared as a former girlfriend. SCP-1848 claimed to have gone through Researcher Labelle's computers at home and asked about any questionable photos of it. Remarked: "Hope you have your data backed up, babe. I made sure to burn it myself." SCP-1848 then requested Researcher Labelle's phone number as she hurriedly excused herself from the room.

Dr. Matthew Hardison
Appeared as a large, over-sized "sheet-ghost". SCP-1848 proceeded to chase Dr. Hardison around the room at high speed while Dr. Hardison expressed extreme distress.10 At one point, Dr. Hardison fell, and SCP-1848 helped him up before continuing to chase him. Dr. Hardison requested and was granted leave from SCP-1848's containment chamber after fifteen minutes.

Dr. Shirley Gillespie
Appeared as Dr. Gillespie's late husband, Stanley. Acted confused and forgetful, and repeatedly attempted to begin an interview with Dr. Gillespie under the impression that she was SCP-187. Dr. Gillespie was granted three (3) days of leave for personal reasons following this incident.

Addendum SCP-1848: Incidents

These collected incidents are attempts to explain SCP-1848's "sense of humor". Most of these incidents were resolved without major problems.

Escape Attempt
Incident

37
Modified the Containment Procedures on SCP-808 to include a looping track of "Dancing Queen" by ABBA. The containment team eventually questioned this, but only after requisitions for a new tape were made following the original's degradation from overuse.

51
Convinced the then-pregnant Dr. Ellison that her baby was talking to her, translating what the baby was 'saying' for several minutes.11

88
Encountered one Class-D janitorial staff member, who it proceeded to convince that urine was the quickest way to get out stains. Subject regularly urinated into mop buckets and on stains before cleaning them off for the remainder of his service.

104
Simultaneously organized a "flushing contest" to see who could flush their toilet the most in a short period. Resulted in severe damage to Site-19's sewage disposal system.

144
With the aid of Site Engineers, constructed a 'rocket chair' from fire extinguishers and spare parts, then proceeded to convince Agent Simmons to 'ramp' the chair over a series of tables in the site mess. Agent Simmons was uninjured, but seven other individuals attempted to replicate the stunt, claiming they 'wanted a turn', all suffered mild to moderate injuries.

182
Using the site memo system, SCP-1848 sent out a message to all senior site staff explaining that the heating system was being adjusted so that "heat was cold" and "cold was heat." Many staff members were confused by the wording, but over 60% of them adjusted their thermostats to compensate for it.

214
Infiltrated Dr. Mary Norris's office and took the form of 200 ceramic giraffes on her desk. Dr. Norris shouted angrily about office decorum until the containment team arrived and reestablish containment lock.

277
Infiltrated the Containment Observation Rooms of SCP-530 and SCP-652. Began an argument where the two containment teams fought over whose SCP would win in a fight. Caused a security breach when the containment teams released their SCPs into the hallway in an attempt to induce combat.12

343
SCP-1848 somehow accessed a Foundation Database and deleted the files of one Johnson Gideon. Following this, the rest of the staff working with Dr. Gideon refused to believe that the Doctor was real, many of them simply believing that he did not exist and never had existed. Subsequent anomalies were regularly reported until SCP-431 was created to explain them.13

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Do Not Proceed without Level Five Clearance

Access Document

Access Granted

To: O5 Council

From: O5-10

Subject: SCP-1848 Containment

Date: April 7, 1994

SCP-1848 appears to have taken the bait. Dr. Cartwright entered the containment chamber in March, and the SCP-1848 entity emerged, appearing to look like Dr. Cartwright. Once SCP-1848 emerged, he went to Dr. Cartwright's office and finished his paperwork, then sent out a number of emails to Cartwright's staff, either commending or criticizing their responses to a number of recent situations, even going so far as to update its own file with the new containment procedures.

SCP-1848 was later seen eating food at the mess hall, carrying on innocuous conversations with other staff members, and doing Cartwright's job, believing that he's tricked the doctor into taking his place. Currently, SCP-1848 has suggested several prompt and useful responses to problematic SCPs, including SCP-███ and SCP-1552, raised his department's productivity by 12%, and seems to be enjoying his latest 'joke.'

Seems we've finally attained containment.

To: O5 Council

From: O5-7

Subject: RE: SCP-1848 Containment

Date: April 7, 1994

Sounds acceptable.

To: O5 Council

From: O5-4

Subject: RE: RE: SCP-1848 Containment

Date: April 7, 1994

This seems like a good use of an otherwise dangerous object. Heartily approve.

To: O5 Council

From: O5-9

Subject: RE: RE: RE: SCP-1848 Containment

Date: April 8, 1994

Makes perfect sense. Good job.

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Or we're just willing to let you think that.

Footnotes

1. Proposed by Julian Carrow, 1986. Revised by Ellis Cartwright, 1994.

2. For information, Containment Directors should see Revised Procedures

3. Don't worry! It's completely harmless. Nothing to worry about at all, friends.

4. Dr. Caspar is no longer married.

5. Agent [REDACTED] reported to not recognize the woman. When offered amnestics, he refused.

6. Two weeks later, Assistant Researcher Spencer requested transfer, stating that the incident had been deeply troubling to him. Exit psych evaluation revealed that the man that appeared to Agent Malki bore a passing resemblance to his uncle. Researcher was reassigned.

7. Dr. Walker was confused by the incident, but had no memory of what happened past walking into the room.

8. The stain responded normally to cleaning procedures. Dr. Clef's shirt was returned to him the following week.

9. Subsequent requests to review containment procedures for SCP-2091 by Dr. Cimmerian have been denied.

10. Later psychological evaluations noted that, when he was a child, Dr. Hardison's brother perpetrated the same practical joke, which Dr. Glass believes was a repressed trauma that SCP-1848 enjoyed evoking. The size difference between Dr. Hardison and SCP-1848 was approximately the same as between a small child and teenager, supporting this theory.

11. Translations included "Momma, I love it in here." and "What happened to my Daddy? I remember part of him being here, but it's gone now."

12. Both teams were heavily reprimanded. SCP-530 and SCP-652 did not engage in combat, and following their encounter, are allowed visitation times with each other, under supervision.

13. Dr. Gideon was reassigned to Site-47 with a new alias; however, information on this alias is expunged, as people aware of its connection to Dr. Gideon believe that he does not exist.

14. You believed it all, didn't you?

15. They did too. Suckers.