Ithem #: EthCP-026-J

Object Clath: Thafe. [If you're not a moron. -Dr Johnson]

Thpecial Containment Prothedureth: EthCP-026-J ith to be contained in a thandard humanoid containment thell, in order to accommodate EthCP-026-J-1's needth. EthCP-026-J-1 ith to be fed thandard liquid rathons three timeth a day, with the thpecial requirement of no liquidth above 1 degree thelthiuth.

At no time are any perthonnel to thick their tongth againtht EthCP-026-J. No matter how dumb they may be. Thee Inthident EthCP-026-J-A.

Dethcription: EthCP-026-J ith a decorative light pole, identhified ath a 4004 Newport thtyle thtreet Light Package. EthCP-026-J ith observed to exthibit freething temperatureth at all timeth regarleth of thimuli, between -7 and -8 degreeth thelthiuth. EthCP-026-J wath in thandard containment until Inthident EthCP-026-J-A (Thee below).

After thith inthident, O5-7 ordered Rethearcher Nicholth to be dethignated ath "an idiot popthicle" and EthCP-026-J-1 for one month or unthil their tongue freetheth off, whichever cometh firtht.

O5-7's note:

Hot water is not to be issued to SCP-026-J-1, until October 17th, as they deserve what happened to them.

Inthident Log EthCP-026-J-A

On Theptember Theventeeth, 2015, the following was obtherved in EthCP-026-J's original containment thell:

Inthident EthCP-026-J-A

How stupid can you be?

BEGIN LOG

Dr. Johnson: So…what do we do with this thing again?

Dr. Nichols: I'm not sure. We're supposed to be testing with it, but I don't think that there's much here.

Dr. Johnson: I got my tongue stuck once when I was a kid to one almost like this. Not anomalous obviously, but either way, man did it suck.

Dr. Nichols: I'm pretty sure that is just an urban legend.

Dr. Johnson: Are you serious? Aren't you a materials scientist?

Dr. Nichols: Yes. I'm just saying, I think that's just an urban legend.

Dr. Johnson exits the chamber for a few minutes, and returns with a D-Class designated D-4278

Dr. Johnson: Hey, D-4278, lick it.

D-4278: Isn't that the light pole? Look, I'm not stupid, I'll get my tongue stuck to it.

Dr. Johnson: Just do it, that's an order.

D-4278: Honestly? I'd rather be shot.

Dr. Nichols: Oh for god's sake, it's just an urban legend, watch.

Dr. Nichols is observed to walk up to EthCP-026-J and press their tongue up against EthCP-026-J, sticking it firmly to the pole

Dr. Nicholth: OH GOH, MY THONGUE, ITH THUCK, HELP.

Dr. Johnson: Y'know what, you deserve that, you twit.

D-4278: Shouldn't you like…get help or something?

Dr. Nicholth: YETH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELP ME

Dr. Johnson: Nnnnope. Anyone dumb enough to stick their tongue to an anomalously sub-zero pole deserves what's coming.

Dr. Nicholth: THITH ITHN'T FUNNY!

Dr. Johnson: Yeth it ith. This is why you should avoid cold posts.

D-4278 and Dr. Johnson exit the chamber, leaving Dr. Nichols stuck to EthCP-026-J

END LOG