Incident Log 2845-J-1

Context: Junior Researchers Salam Narjeen and Ariadne Cooper are en route to Area 63 in Rural West Virginia, driving in an unmarked Foundation vehicle with Narjeen at the wheel. GPS tracking shows them approximately 11 miles away from their destination, and the vehicle's sensors detect them speeding at 70 MPH in a 25MPH zone.

SCP-2845-J as seen on dashcam footage.

<BEGIN LOG>

Cooper: You might want to ease up on the accelerator.

Narjeen: Road are clear, and I-Uh- Would rather get back quicker.

Cooper: Are you okay? I can drive the rest of the way, if you want.

Narjeen: No no! I’m fine! Uh, let me just check something-

Narjeen grabs her phone off the dashboard.

Cooper: Salam, not while you’re driving, deer-

Narjeen: Hang on—

Cooper: Deer—

Narjeen: Yes, love?

Cooper: Deer— DEER!

Narjeen: Why are you calling me—

A deer scurries in front of the vehicle. Narjeen, distracted, catches the animal on the bumper, launching it approximately 20 feet forward. She brakes and swerves.

Narjeen: FUCK-

Cooper: Are you alright?

Narjeen stays silent. Cooper exits the car and approaches the deer. With significant effort, she pulls the carcass to the side of the road. Returning to the car door, she leans in through the passenger window.

Cooper: Salam? You okay?

Narjeen: Yeah… Yeah, I’m sorry. That was stupid of me.

Cooper: It's okay, let’s just get back to the site.

Narjeen: Listen, can you promise me you won’t tell anyone about this? I’m already knee-deep in reprimands for my driving, and I can’t—

Cooper: The car is dented.

Narjeen: It's barely noticeable!

Cooper: Hang on, where's the-

Her gaze is drawn to where she had pushed the carcass.

Cooper: Where’s the deer?

A knock comes from the driver-side door. The deer peers through the window, eliciting a shriek from Narjeen.

SCP-2845-J: Hi— Um—

Narjeen shrieks again.

SCP-2845-J: Can you-

The entity, hereby designated SCP-2845-J, is hit over the head by Junior Researcher Cooper using her cane. A second strikes knocks it to the ground.

SCP-2845-J: Stop! Stop! You win!

SCP-2845-J lays on the ground, cradling one of its hind feet and sniffling. The bottom of the leg is wound in a tight cast.

Narjeen: I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were—

SCP-2845-J: A living being? A fellow creature of Earth? Someone with their own life and existence? Dreams and hopes?

Narjeen: Something like that.

SCP-2845-J: You broke my foot! Then you pushed my body aside like it was some sort of trash! How am I supposed to live like this? How am I- I—

SCP-2845-J grows teary-eyed and wipes its eyes with a hoof. Narjeen and Cooper exchange looks.

Narjeen: Are you okay?

SCP-2845-J: If-If I can’t use my deer leg, I’m not going to be able to do my deer duties! How will I support my deer son after my deer wife took him in our deervorce? I don’t even have a place to stay right now, and-

SCP-2845-J buries his face into his hooves.

Narjeen: Oh, Ari- Look at him! We can’t leave like this! We should take him with us.

Cooper: It's a talking deer, Salam. We should call a containment unit, because that's kind of what we're supposed to do.

Narjeen: I mean, he seems harmless enough?

Cooper: I’m sorry?

Narjeen: I did this to him. It’s only right we help him get back on his feet.

Cooper: This is so out of line…

Narjeen: Besides, if someone finds out I hit a deer, they'd probably make you do all the driving.

Cooper stares at the deer, dumbfounded.

Cooper: If anyone finds out—

Narjeen: They won't. Thank you Ari! I promise I’ll do this right.

She opens the car door and ushers SCP-2845-J into the back seat. Its antlers catch on the roof, causing a loud screech. Cooper sighs again.

Cooper: Dear god.

SCP-2845-J: That’s me.

Cooper: You’re a god?

SCP-2845-J: Something like that.

<END LOG>

SCP-2845-J confronting Junior Researcher Cooper and Narjeen upon initial contact.

Item Number: SCP-2845-J

Object Class: Roommate

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2845-J is currently housed within the personal travel quarters of Junior Researchers Ariadne Cooper and Salam Narjeen at Area 63. The entity must remain concealed from all other personnel, and access to the quarters is restricted to Cooper and Narjeen exclusively. SCP-2845-J is permitted to utilize the couch in the communal area for sleeping and has unrestricted access to the adjoining kitchenette and restroom.

In return, SCP-2845-J has agreed to take on a share of household responsibilities, primarily pertaining to tidying the living area. This includes ensuring that any mess generated by the entity is promptly removed.

Description: SCP-2845-J designates a male white-tailed deer (Odocoileus virginianus) of indeterminate age. Physically, SCP-2845-J has demonstrated no anomalous traits apart from its ability to communicate verbally in English and its humanoid-level intelligence. SCP-2845-J shows an increased level of emotional sensitivity and anthropomorphic thought; it will often bring up such subjects as feelings of distress, loneliness, and existential uncertainty, along with a substantial desire for companionship and stability.

The entity also claims to possess additional anomalous abilities related to the forests and climate of Northern West Virginia, further asserting that they were provided to it as part of its "deer job," but has not physically demonstrated these properties.

<BEGIN LOG>

Cooper: Okay, I’ve checked us in.

Narjeen: Sounds lovely! Though you didn’t tell anyone about our deer friend, right? Or the car? Speaking of which, have you seen-

SCP-2845-J walks out of Narjeen’s bedroom wearing a hijab draped over its antlers. The junior researchers stare at it.

Cooper: Your clothes!

Narjeen: My my, this is endeering.

SCP-2845-J: Should I have taken some of the other one's clothes instead?

Narjeen: No no, don’t mess with Ari’s stuff.

Cooper: I need a shower. Please don't do anything stupid while I'm gone. And yes, please don't touch my stuff.

Cooper promptly exits. Narjeen and SCP-2845-J stare at the door, then back to each other.

SCP-2845-J: Why do you wear this cloth over your head, and that one doesn’t?

Narjeen: Oh this? It’s a hijab. Ari and I have different faiths, and we wear different things to demonstrate that faith. For me, it's a symbol of—

SCP-2845-J: You both have different gods?

Narjeen: That’s a bit complicated. Some say he’s the same god, others say he’s different. It depends who you ask.

SCP-2845-J: You’re telling me some gods get multiple religions?

Narjeen: Again that’s a whole other conversation, but either way, Ari and I respect each other, work together, are friends, all that good stuff.

SCP-2845-J: You have a lucky god. I wish I could have a religion.

Narjeen: A religion?

SCP-2845-J: I’m a god of nature. Not the god. And, well, people don’t respect the “one of many” tag that comes with that title.

Narjeen: Well, if you are a god, I think that’s very rude of them.

SCP-2845-J: Really?

Narjeen: Yeah. You seem like you'd be a great god! Their loss if they don't see that.

<END LOG>

SCP-2845-J and "Jane Doe" aboard Noah's ark.

SCP-2845-J claims to have spent several weeks with “a guy who had a lot of carrots, and a boatload of other animals. Literally, [they] were on a boat”. The entity also cites that one of his ex-mates was aboard. They had several quarrels during their “cruise”, after which they broke up. SCP-2845-J claims to "barely remember her at all," including her name.

Foreword: Junior Researcher Cooper and SCP-2845-J sit at the dining table. Cooper eats an omelet, while SCP-2845-J licks moss off a piece of bread.

<BEGIN LOG>

Cooper: So you said you had a deer son and a deer wife?

SCP-2845-J: Deer ex-wife, but yes.

Cooper: Can I ask why you two, uh, separated?

SCP-2845-J: You can’t just go around asking personal questions like that!

Cooper: Sorry, let’s just m—

SCP-2845-J: Three seasons of holy matrimony, a fawn, and then she leaves me mid-rut for a stag with bigger antlers! Antlers! Almost a year of being together, and that’s still all that matters to her? Antlers?

SCP-2845-J bangs a hoof on the table.

Cooper: Moving on, you said you were trying to figure out a place to stay? How long do you think it’ll take for you to find a new place?

SCP-2845-J: At least until everything is healed.

The deer gestures to its injuries: a leg cast, neck brace, and a forehoof sling.

Cooper: Which is how long again? Bear in mind that-

SCP-2845-J: No! I refuse to let my divinity even think of such devilish creatures.

Cooper sighs deeply.

SCP-2845-J: Look here, you seem like a smart lady, and I think you know better than to get involved in divine affairs. So don't worry your pretty corporeal head about it.

Cooper: It is literally my job to-

SCP-2845-J: Anyways, I appreciate y’all. You really know how to treat a god. Really makes a fella feel like he’s on top.

SCP-2845-J licks its plate before prancing back to the couch.

Cooper: Do the dishes at least?

<END LOG>

circa 1922

-

SCP-2845-J claims to once have pulled Santa Claus’ sleigh across Ritchie County, West Virginia in 1922 after a snowstorm caused the reindeer team to get pneumonia. The story was recounted in great detail, with emphasis on the end when SCP-2845-J returned home to find his “hartlot wife sharing a bed with Prancer”.

-

Foreword: Narjeen and SCP-2845-J watch a wildlife documentary. Narjeen has a bucket of popcorn in her lap, and alternates between feeding herself and SCP-2845-J. Junior Researcher Cooper enters the room and stares at them for several seconds.

<BEGIN LOG>

Cooper: Salam? A word?

Narjeen: Oh! Right.

Narjeen places the popcorn in SCP-2845-J’s lap and exits the room to join Cooper.

Cooper: I think we need to ask SCP-2845-J to hoof it.

Narjeen: What? He can’t take care of himself! He’s still hobbling around in a cast!

Cooper: Dude isn’t even trying to sort himself out. Haven’t you noticed how he clings to you? Has you fawning over him every second of the day?

Narjeen: I mean…

Cooper: Just talk to him about it.

Narjeen: Alright. Alright, I’ll try.

Narjeen reopens the door to find the popcorn spilled all over the ground. Footage of a grazing doe is playing on the screen. SCP-2845-J is no longer on the couch, and instead has mounted the TV.

Cooper: OH GROSS-

SCP-2845-J: I think the TV looks better hanging from the wall instead of on the stand, but if you want, I’ll change it back.

<END LOG>

SCP-2845-J with an unknown female, circa 1982

SCP-2845-J claims that it hit a financial rough spot in the 1970s-1980s, and performed in several compromising films under the stagename “Buckshot”. The entity provided limited details aside from this admittance, but analysis of several allegedly “staged” nature documentaries included the appearance of a stag with SCP-2845-J’s likeness.

<BEGIN LOG>

Narjeen: So, my deer friend, you’ve been here a while…

SCP-2845-J: Yes.

Narjeen: And you’re a fun! We’ve made some nice memories!

SCP-2845-J: I know, I’m great.

Narjeen: But I think- uh-

Cooper kicks Narjeen under the table.

Narjeen: I think you need to take on more chores. Like uh…

Cooper: How about washing? Doing the dishes or the laundry?

SCP-2845-J: I don’t think that’s very fair to put me through, seeing as I have been forbidden from wearing clothes or eating off your plates.

Narjeen: We didn’t forbid- I mean, fair, actually.

Cooper: How about vacuuming, then? You do leave quite a bit of hair around the place.

SCP-2845-J: You mean that loud monster that eats everything that goes under it? I don’t think even a great nature god such as I could tame such a beast.

Cooper: Would you at least mind tidying up some of the physical space here? Not to point fingers, but the living room has gotten fairly cluttered after you moved in.

SCP-2845-J: Listen, ladies, I don’t think you understand. Gods aren’t meant to do chores and menial work. That’s what we have followers and religions for.

Cooper: Still, you are living here, and you did agree to help out while you’re here.

SCP-2845-J: You’re saying you’re going back on acknowledging me as a god?

Narjeen: I mean yes, you are a god, and I’m sure you’re a great one- but right now we see you as more of a roommate than someone I’d worship, y’know?

SCP-2845-J: So you’d rather worship a god you’ve never met than one standing in your own living room? Sounds like you're mad at the wrong god.

Narjeen: At least my god doesn’t talk down to me, or come into my room, make a mess, and then never clean shit up!

SCP-2845-J: Your god doesn’t even talk to you!

Narjeen: He does! In his own way!

She shifts in her seat uncomfortably.

Narjeen: And even if it were true, after dealing with you? I think I prefer my gods being quiet! At least then I don't know they don't give a shit about me, unlike with you.

She looks away, tears threatening to fall. Cooper glares at the entity.

Cooper: Trust me, you’re not the first god or deity who’s tried converting us, and while I’m flattered, this is frankly why we make it a point to separate personal beliefs from work at the Foundation where and when it’s necessary.

SCP-2845-J: You humans are such assholes when it comes to that. You’d rather beg some god you’ve probably never even met to fix all your problems than the one offering to let you serve him directly. You’re all the same! Just absolute morons, never even giving the nice gods a chance.

Cooper: We’re asking you to solve the problems that you’re causing. You should at least do some fucking chores before asking us to dedicate our lives to you?

Narjeen: Look, I’m sure you’re plenty nice as a god, and you’ll find those followers when you’re ready. But those followers aren’t us, and, well-

SCP-2845-J: Ladies, I'm done here. You did this to me. You're responsible for me until I feel better.

The entity clambers out of the chair and returns to the living room.

Narjeen: I made a mistake. You were right, Ari. You’re always right about these things.

Cooper: “Always” is a bit of a stretch…

Narjeen: I can’t believe he thought we’d just switch religions for him! You think all gods are that entitled?

Cooper: Probably not, but you were also just trying to help. Don't be hard on yourself.

Narjeen: I don't know if I want him around anymore.

Cooper: Don’t worry. I have someone in mind who can take care of this.

<END LOG>

SCP-2845-J's commissioned portrait

-

-

SCP-2845-J claims it received an “extraordinary business opportunity” in the 1990s to utilize its skills as an immortal deer to achieve godhood on a local level, an opportunity unherd of in its several-thousand year career. SCP-2845-J made several preparations for this role, including commissioning a deific portrait of himself and remarrying to the daughter of a particularly powerful stag (rumored to have ties with the hunting industry).

However, after he failed to gain a religious following he’d desired, SCP-2845-J was demoted to a more menial role in wildlife and forest management, instead of the powerful “deer overlord” position it had previously craved,

-

-

-

Foreword: Junior Researcher Ariadne Cooper and Dr. Faran Caraway sit across from SCP-2845-J. Junior Researcher Salam Narjeen watches from the doorway.

<BEGIN LOG>

Dr. Caraway: Thank you all for having me, my deer friends. As you might know, I’m from a Foundation facility that specializes in folks like yourself. Or-

He gestures to his horns and tail.

Dr. Caraway: Ourselves, I should say.

SCP-2845-J: You’re a god too?

Dr. Caraway: Not myself, no. But some of the most incredible people I’ve ever met just so happen to be. I do my part to make sure their needs are attended to.

Cooper: Free food, free shelter, everything tailored to your specific interests and needs.

SCP-2845-J: So you’re what? Shipping me off to a homeless shelter? Some sort of social welfare program?

Cooper: Yes, actually.

SCP-2845-J: You'd dare remove yourself from the service of a god?

Cooper: Salam and I have made it plenty clear that we aren’t members of your religion. We aren’t able to take care of you any longer, but I’m offering you someone who can. Take it or leave it, that’s up to you, but staying here isn’t an option.

Dr. Caraway: Let me put it this way: We’re prepared to offer your own chambers without rent, three square meals a day, and almost anything you need for your survival or entertainment— within reason, of course.

SCP-2845-J: Sounds like charity work.

Cooper: “Charity work” like what we’ve been doing for you?

SCP-2845-J: That was different. You weren’t taking care of me because you felt bad for me. You were worshipping me.

Narjeen: Do you even need worship or do you just like having other people stroking your ego?

SCP-2845-J: I’m a god! God needs worship!

Dr. Caraway: —and that’s one of our goals here, your greatness. Making sure gods like you get the respect and sustenance they deserve.

SCP-2845-J: So you have followers to worship me? Legions for me to command? Faithful servants to tend to my needs, like these two have failed to do?

Dr. Caraway: We have researchers to take care of you, AICs to help you with what you need, and uh, fairly everyone is kind and willing to help you with what you need.

SCP-2845-J: So you’re saying everyone is willing to worship me?

From the doorway, Narjeen sneers.

Narjeen: If someone “being nice” is your definition of worshiping, then yeah.

SCP-2845-J: Then by all means, servant- take me to my chambers! And rid the land of these two while you’re at it, for filling my wonderful realm with such heresy.

SCP-2845-J gallavants through the doorway, pushing Narjeen to the ground, and prances into the hall. Cooper and Caraway follow close behind, with the former helping Narjeen to her feet.

Cooper: Thank you so much Faran.

Dr. Caraway: I think both our departments understand how difficult some gods can be. I’m glad I could help.

Narjeen: Sorry to have made you come all the way out here.

Dr. Caraway: Site-58 already has a colorful bunch. I’m certain after some time to acclimate, he’ll be a wonderful addition.

Sudden shouts are heard from outside. The remaining personnel look out a window overlooking the parking lot, where a containment transport vehicle had been set up for SCP-2845-J.

SCP-2845-J: Move, servants! I shall lead my own caravans to victory!

SCP-2845-J opens the driver’s door of the van, and tosses the chauffeur out with its antlers. Before it can climb in, the vehicle starts rolling away. SCP-2845-J bellows, and runs in front of the vehicle to stop it, but proves unable to. He is run over by a vehicle for a second time.

SCP-2845-J: Not again!

<END LOG>

View Additional File?

– hide block

Narjeen and Cooper's living room, cleaned after SCP-2845-J's visit

Narjeen: Cooper?

Cooper: Yeah?

Narjeen: Sorry again for all the trouble.

Cooper: It's fine. These things happen, and I've got your back this time— but that might not always be possible.

Narjeen: I understand. I'll be more car-ful next time.

Cooper: Good to hear.

Narjeen: Didn't mean for you to have to rein me in.

Cooper: Hah-

Narjeen: I know it was a lot of bull for you to deal with. It really was a big moosetake on my part and I want you to know I r-egret it a lot.

Cooper: That last one wasn't even deer- related.

Narjeen: You must be fur-ious with me.

Cooper: Did that Dead Horse bar we went to do something to you?

Narjeen: No, I just have a stag-geringly large number of deer puns in mind.

Cooper: Alright, pack it up.

Narjeen: I'll doe my best.

Cooper: Buck you.