Wherein a haughty mayor-to-be turns to a desperate source.

Calibold

SCP-3482 — fine mayor posters campaign by dado

Calibold's Mega Cool Author Page

Item#: 3482

Containment Class: euclid

Secondary Class: none

Disruption Class: ekhi

Risk Class: caution

Archibald Garner, candidate for mayor of Fellowship, Wyoming.

Special Containment Procedures: All instances of SCP-3482 are contained in Site-15. Foundation researchers are currently developing a method to counteract and neutralize SCP-3482's effects. The town of Fellowship is to remain in quarantine, under the cover story of an outbreak of a deadly virus, until such time as the countermeasure to SCP-3482 has been developed.

Description: SCP-3482 refers to 216 promotional posters produced by Person of Interest "dado" for Archibald Garner, a right-wing politician running for mayor of Fellowship, Wyoming. All instances appeared overnight on 09/03/2019, in various locations around the town of Fellowship.

SCP-3482 instances possess memetic properties, such that anyone who views an SCP-3482 instance will immediately enter a state of hemispatial neglect, completely forgetting the concept of "left". The full ramifications of these effects have yet to be explored, although affected individuals will not suffer panic or confusion due to these effects.

While the exact numbers are unknown, almost all of the 1,984 residents of Fellowship seem to be under the effects of SCP-3482.

Addendum 3482.1: The following is an interview with Archibald Garner, conducted by Dr. Calvin, the research head for SCP-3482.

[BEGIN LOG]

Calvin: Good morning, Mr. Garner.

Garner: I hope you have a very good reason for all of this. I'll have you know that I have plenty of friends in the federal government. I won't let this town be blocked off by a bunch of snobby feds!

Calvin: Sir, you're running for mayor in a small town of less than two thousand. And besides, I think we both know that you're the reason we're here.

Garner: Oh really? Please, enlighten me! What, you think I'm responsible for getting everyone sick? I doubt I've shaken everyone's hand here.

Calvin: Actually, I do think you're responsible. But it's not from all the hands you've shaken or babies you've kissed. [He pulls out a copy of one of Garner's campaign posters, which has been lightly redacted to nullify its effects.] Does this look familiar to you?

Garner: I suppose putting up posters is against the law now? Let me guess, King1 is trying to scare me? A bit overkill, I think!

Calvin: I need you to tell me what you know about these posters and their effects.

Garner: What effects? Unless these things are radioactive or something, I don't want feds putting my town under lock and key.

Calvin: I'm not with the U.S. government, Mr. Garner. And I strongly suggest you cooperate with me here.

Garner: You know, impersonating a federal officer is a crime.

Calvin: I'll take my chances. Now, if you're through, I just want to know about these posters.

Garner: You'll have to ask my campaign manager about those. I can put you in contact with him, although he's kind of a big deal. Helped get Bush elected, you know.

Calvin: We're already investigating your phone and email, Mr. Garner. Are you at all familiar with this "dado" person beyond their campaign work?

Garner: I don't know him, and I don't care about him as long as he gets me what I want.

Calvin: Do you have any other information for us?

Garner: Just one thing. I'm going to win this election. I don't know who you are, but you can't stop me from winning.

[END LOG]

I don't believe Garner is actually aware of the effects of the posters. dado may have been able to make him immune through a countermeme, and since affected individuals don't panic or even notice the change, he likely wouldn't see it in other people either. — Dr. Calvin

Addendum 3482.2: The following is a series of text messages found on Archibald Garner's phone.

Hello? Is this Dado?

is spelt dado. but yes how can dado help u 2day?

A friend showed me your advertisement and sent me a link to your website, that you're a campaign manager for hire

Is this you?

https://www.dadopoliticshelp.com/home

yes! dado is of finest quality champaign manager

always ready 2 get u elected

Well, you certainly have an impressive resume

Is it really true that you were consulted by George Bush?

That seems hard to believe

oh yes, dado is of working for biggest names in politic like giorno bush and the mr trumpet and caesar salad

I see

Do you have any proof of these claims?

u see, dado have made many posters and stickers and promotional vacuum cleaners

if dado were lying, than government or scp fondue or other nasty fellows would rest dado for lying in advertisement. dado is very reputable business man tho

plus, dado is charging very cheap, u only need amazon prime subscription. and if u are not winner, than dado will give full refund

That seems fair enough.

Just know I have lots of powerful friends, if you don't follow through, I'll make you regret it

not 2 worry, u trust dado. dado has never lie except maybe 2 get bus pass

dado will do poster in town to help u be president of community yes. what is camp pain 4?

I'm running against Charles King, he's pretty popular with the town

But he's also kind of an idiot when it comes to running the place, standard left-wing idiot

Tax increases, way too much focus on welfare, all that

Basically I don't want anyone to even think about voting for that leftist commie

ok. dado will make town not vote 4 left ez pzy

also dado is sorry in advance for type o in poster, as u can see, uppercase key is broken

I'm worried that they might look silly then, are you sure they'll be okay?

u trust dado

Yeah, whatever

Just make me win

Personnel are investigating the involvement of the Person of Interest "dado". The website https://www.dadopoliticshelp.com/home is unavailable, and the phone number used to contact dado is no longer in service.

Addendum 3482.3: Fellowship's mayoral election took place on 09/07/2019. Roughly 40% of the town was unable to enter the polls, as they would be forced to eventually take a left turn in order to drive there from their homes.

Of the remaining citizens, all of them voted for Charles King, as the checkbox to vote for Archibald Garner was located on the left side of the ballot.

Footnotes

1. Charles King is the incumbent mayor, and Garner's primary opponent.

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