SCP-7598 in its secondary enclosure following the events of 4/19/2023

Item #: SCP-7598

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-7598 is to be kept in a standard seabird habitat cell in Annex-7598, a subterranean bunker attached to Site-59. Three armed containment specialists (hereafter "handlers"), rotated every four hours, must be physically present in SCP-7598's enclosure at all times. In addition to feeding, cleaning, and other maintenance, SCP-7598's handlers are to keep SCP-7598's emotional state as stable as possible, as this has been proven to delay questioning events.

The only entrance to Annex-7598 is a single bulkhead that can only be opened through a password being entered simultaneously on both sides. Four H3T1 devices have been fixed at the cardinal directions surrounding Annex-7598.

During a questioning event, the handlers have five seconds to reply with the following counter-statement, verbatim: "Not right now, sweetie. Maybe later!" Any attempt made by any handler to alter or paraphrase the counter-statement is to be corrected by the other handlers; lethal force has been authorized.

If SCP-7598 does not hear the counter-statement in the five-second window after its question, no further action can be taken.

Following a successful counter-statement, the handlers are to record the number given by SCP-7598 in response.

Any deviation from SCP-7598's speech patterns will result in the immediate enactment of Contingency 48-Brigadoon-Green.

In the event of Site-59 becoming compromised through containment breach, external factors, or a K-class scenario, Contingency 48-Brigadoon-Green is to be enacted.

Contingency 48-Brigadoon-Green:

1. The single bulkhead that acts as the entrance to Annex-7598 is to be sealed immediately for a minimum period of five hours.

2. The acting Subsite Director of Annex-7598 is to maintain constant wireless contact with O5 command for a full investigation.

3. After a minimum period of five hours, if the all-clear is given from O5 command, the bulkhead may open.

During this period, if the threat to Annex-7598 is determined to be great enough to warrant total isolation of the area, the O5 Council may issue an order to begin Contingency 48-Brigadoon-Red.

Contingency 48-Brigadoon-Red:

1. An evacuation order begins for personnel outside of Annex-7598. Personnel within Annex-7598 during a Red event are to be considered lost.

2. A five-minute period will begin to facilitate evacuation and allow the H3T system to initialize.

3. The H3T system will activate, spatially transposing Annex-7598 to its predetermined destination: Point-577EFF in the Boötes Void.

4: SCP-7598's object class will be changed to "Unknown."

While SCP-7598 does not need nutrition to sustain itself, staff are advised that it prefers herring. Using herring as a reward for small, O5-Council-approved penguin tricks is highly encouraged to improve the subject's emotional state.

Description: SCP-7598 is a male Magellanic penguin (Spheniscus magellanicus) of indeterminate age. While it displays unextraordinary cognitive abilities for its species, SCP-7598 is indestructible, biologically immortal, and is capable of a limited amount of human speech.

At irregular intervals, SCP-7598's primary anomalous trait will manifest in the form of a questioning event, whereupon it will state the following in a cheerful, high-pitched tone: "Excuse me! Would this be a good time to explode?"

SCP-7598 has been known to initiate a questioning event regardless of whether or not it is in the immediate presence of a human subject.

After the question is posed, SCP-7598 will wait five seconds to hear a response. This will result in one of two outcomes:

1. If it hears the counter-statement "Not right now, sweetie. Maybe later!" spoken by a human subject within a seven-meter radius, SCP-7598 will make a second vocalization, listing a numeric value. This value will increase by one with every counter-phrase.

2. If, after five seconds, it hears no response or any verbal response other than the appropriate counter-statement, SCP-7598's body will release a radial burst of heat and energy. (This will reset the counter from the previous outcome.)

It should be noted that the explosions do not follow the laws of energy conservation, resulting in a burst of heat generated from seemingly nowhere. In addition, regardless of intensity, SCP-7598 has yet to be harmed from one of its explosions.

The intensity of the explosion in Outcome 2 is directly proportional to the last spoken counter in Outcome 1. With every addition to the counter, the potential blast radius increases by 1.5 meters and the generated heat increases by 600° C. This was confirmed through testing at Site-59 and the former Site-499.2

There is no known maximum for this effect.

Addendum 1 - Initial Containment: SCP-7598 was initially brought to the Foundation's attention in 1954. After its capture in Argentina the following year, it was brought to Site-59 for initial study, then relocated to the former Site-499.

SCP-7598 was initially classified as "Safe." Containment procedures involved allowing for SCP-7598 to freely relieve itself with low-yield explosions in an isolated environment.

Addendum 2 - Initial Containment Failure: On 3/29/1956, a catastrophic containment breach of SCP-████ at Site-499 resulted in the detonation of the onsite nuclear warhead and the destruction of the entire site. SCP-7598 was not recovered in an investigation of the blast site and was reclassified as "Neutralized."

Addendum 3 - Recovery and Escalation: On 3/22/2023, SCP-7598 came back to Site-59 through the main personnel entrance. Exterior security footage displayed no signs of a courier. The current hypothesis is that SCP-7598 returned to Site-59 by itself. After confirming its identity through the subcutaneous microchip in its neck, SCP-7598 was recontained. SCP-7598 made no questioning events until 4/19/2023.

In addition, a Global Occult Coalition ID tag was found wrapped around its left foot.

On 4/19/2023, a GOC double agent (PoI-99553) was discovered and detained in the Site-59 custodial staff. In exchange for becoming a D-class staff member rather than termination, PoI-99553 agreed to provide information regarding SCP-7598 and its relationship to the GOC.

Interviewer: Dr. Lisle Naismith, Director of Site-59

Interviewed: PoI-99553, male, late 20's

Date: 4/19/2023

Time: 1844 GMT

<Begin Log>

(Dr. Naismith and PoI-99443 enter the walkway surrounding SCP-7598's enclosure.)

PoI-99553: Look, it's not like I can make you any promises about this. I worked with a penguin at Camp Mulholland, not every penguin everywhere. I'm not a bloody penguin Wikipedia.

Naismith: Does this penguin refresh your memory?

PoI-99553: I mean, I can't…

(SCP-7598 coos excitedly and runs up to the edge of the fence.)

PoI-99553: …oh, my God. Splodey! How's it goin', ya little shithead?

(PoI-99553 attempts to approach the fence, but Dr. Naismith points to a nearby table with two chairs.)

PoI-99553: Right, right.

(They sit.)

Naismith: What do you know about 7598?

PoI-99553: Well, on one hand, he's one of the Coalition's little trump cards, and telling you about him would compromise a lot of important operations.

Naismith: Need I remind you that the terms of your plea agreement necessitate —

PoI-99553: On the other hand, my C.O.'s a fucking prick, so here goes: that penguin was with us at Camp Mulholland. I'd wager he escaped through the crossfire during the raid with Sarkic Cultists last January. Do you know about the SIH Protocol?

Naismith: Very little.

PoI-99553: Mm-hmm. Well, let's say the whole planet's overwhelmed by an invasion of hostile alien and/or extradimensional and/or anomalous forces. You've tried everything, but the human race is either gone or completely without hope. So what do you do? You tell the invaders S.I.H., Suffocant In Hoc - "Choke on it."

Naismith: So, a fail-deadly strategy.

PoI-99553: There you go.

Naismith: I fail to see what this has to do with SCP-7598.

PoI-99553: It has everything to do with him! Once we caught wind that Site-499 exploded, one of our spies grabbed him and took him to a temporal-dilation facility where —

(Muffled beeping noises are heard from within PoI-99553.)

PoI-99553: You might wanna get back.

(They both back away from the table.)

(A small incendiary explosive device detonates in PoI-99553's abdomen.)

PoI-99553: Sorry. I really thought I had this thing removed.

Naismith: What was that?

PoI-99553: The charges picked up on my words. They must have detected that I was revealing classified —

Naismith: Wait, no, this is wrong — how are you still so calm about this?!

PoI-99553: Coalition scientists removed my ability to feel pain. …though, I will concede that this is really embarrassing.

(A larger, secondary explosive detonates, killing PoI-99553.)

(SCP-7598 watches the burning corpse of PoI-99553, making giddy and curious vocalizations.)

Naismith: (Into his earpiece) Daniels, I'm gonna need a cleanup team in here stat.

SCP-7598: Excuse me! Would this be a good time to explode?

Naismith: Not right now, sweetie. Maybe later!

(SCP-7598 nods.)

SCP-7598: ██████████████████████.

(Approx. seven seconds of silence.)

Naismith: …could you repeat that number?

SCP-7598: ██████████████████████.

Naismith: …noted. Thank you.

(SCP-7598 tilts its head at Dr. Naismith.)

<End Log>

Following this, SCP-7598 was reclassified as "Keter" and its current containment protocols were put into place.

Assuming that the increasing intensity of SCP-7598's potential is uniform, SCP-7598 reached a threshold capable of causing an XK-class end-of-the-world scenario at least thirty years ago. As of the most recent questioning event, failure to hear the counter-statement during a questioning event would result in a cataclysmic energy discharge that would expand as far as the orbital path of [REDACTED].

Addendum 4 - Questioning Event No. ██████████████████████:

Date: 6/30/2023

Time: 0415 GMT

<Begin Log>

(Handler 3 holds a small hoop perpendicular to the ground. Handler 2 dangles a herring on the other side. SCP-7598 glances through the hoop and hesitates.)

Handler 1: Come on, little guy — you want a treat?

SCP-7598: Excuse me! Would this be a good time to—

Handler 1: NOT RIGHT NOW SWEETIE MAYBE LATER!

Handler 2: Tone it down, Carlton.

Handler 1: Fuck. I can't keep doing this.

Handler 3: Both of you shut up! He's about to give the number.

(SCP-7598 stares at Handler 1 inquisitively.)

Handler 3: …any second now.

SCP-7598: Okay, but when would be a good time? Can I see the schedule?

<End Log>