BY ORDER OF THE OVERSEER COUNCIL

The following file is Level 4/209-J classified. Unauthorized access is strictly forbidden and will result in treatment with Class A amnestics and subsequent demotion to D-Class .

I'm serious. I will find you and break your kneecaps.

Item#: 209-J

Containment Class: esoteric

Secondary Class: uncontainable

Disruption Class: vlam

Risk Class: notice

SPECIAL CONTAINMENT PROCEDURES

If SCP-209-J manifests, there is no viable way to contain or terminate it. The staff member targeted by SCP-209-J is to be terminated immediately1 attempt to ignore SCP-209-J in hopes that it will teleport elsewhere. If staff attempts to contain SCP-209-J using a container, it will teleport out of said container. Staff are advised not to attempt to terminate SCP-209-J, as this may cause it to buzz at a much louder rate.

DESCRIPTION

SCP-209-J has the appearance of a common housefly, and is of a somewhat larger size than the normal, non-anomalous housefly. The main anomalous ability of SCP-209-J is its ability to teleport to any SCP Foundation personnel, and after around 1-2 hours of annoying said personnel, it will dematerialize and teleport to a different staff member. The fly has proven impossible to terminate, as it is invulnerable to any physical damage. SCP-209-J typically prefers to teleport to personnel who are already having a particularly stressful day. Researchers have concluded that this is due to SCP-209-J having interest in causing as much annoyance as possible. Another anomalous ability of SCP-209-J is the ability to emit a much louder and annoying buzzing sound, ranging anywhere from 8 decibels to 80 decibels.

TERMINATION LOG

Termination Attempts Included2

Flamethrowers.

Military Grade Explosives.

O5-8 hitting it with a flyswatter.

SCP-049 smacking it.3

Detonation of a 20 Kiloton nuclear warhead This did not happen. Anyone who believes to recall such an event are to report to Site Command for administration of Class A amnestics.4

Gamma radiation.

Dr. Jacob Gilford grabbing a vintage Brown Bess Musket off of a shelf in his office and firing a shot that precisely impacted the fly. Why the hell do you keep that thing on your shelf and fully loaded with gunpowder?5

Exposing it to music composed by Billie Eilish. How the hell would this kill it? This is probably the closest we got to killing this damn thing.

SCP-682 swiping it with its claw.

Attempting to eat it.

Exposing it to hydrochloric acid.

Asking SCP-662 to terminate it. 662 apologised, before stating that it was impossible.

Exposing it to liquid nitrogen.

Exposing it to Fluoroantimonic acid.

A Junior Researcher screaming profanities at it.

Exposing it to SCP-217. It seemed completely unphased by the exposure.

Dr. Bright making contact with SCP-209-J using SCP-963. At first, the fly stopped moving, hovering above ground, before flying into Dr. Bright's eye.

The power of friendship.6

Placing it in a vacuum completely airtight, and devoid of any oxygen.

Actually using an electric vacuum.

Sending it to Russia.

Shooting it with a RPG-7 using a PG-7VR 105mm rocket.

Attacking it with a shoe.

Crying.

Exorcism.

████████ ███ ██ ███ ███████ ███████.

Asking it politely to die.

Screaming at it.

Throwing hot coffee at it. Great job, you ended up spilling it on Dr. ██████.7

Exposing it to mustard gas.

Exposing it to sarin gas.

Exposing it to ethylsarin gas.

Filling the room that it occupied with gasoline, and lighting it on fire. This led to the destruction of Site-798.8

(This Incident was accidental, but it doesn't matter because it didn't work, AS USUAL.) Randomly, 209-J manifested in front of SCP-953. At first, 953 mostly ignored it, but became annoyed at it and began attacking it. The subsequent containment breach of 953 left 3 personnel dead and 7 injured, and when questioned, 953 refused to accept defeat.

Introducing a singularity to SCP-209-J.

INCIDENT 209-J-1A-CLASSIFIED

DATE: ██/██/████ at ██:██

LOCATION: Site-███

At the time of the incident, the O5 Council was having a highly classified meeting within Site-███.

Details of the meeting are classified at the highest level and are protected by a memetic kill agent. However, one portion was declassified, in which SCP-209-J manifested inside the meeting chamber.

O5-1: "And so it has been decided to overrule the decision made by the Ethics Commit- er, do you hear that?

O5-4: "Yeah, it sounds like loud buzzing…"

O5-1: "Aha, found it. It's a damn fly."

[O5-1 then proceeded to slap the fly, but found that it was ineffective in killing it. The fly then flew into O5-1's eye.]

O5-1: "Gah, piece of shit! Ugh, someone get the damn flyswatter."

O5-7: "With due respect, sir, why are we letting a fly interrupt this meeting?"

O5-1: "It's personal, now. Damn bastard attacked my eye!"

O5-8: "I got it! Heh, got you now."

[SCP-209-J then flew into the face of O5-1, as O5-8 was swinging at it with a flyswatter. O5-8 then accidentally smacked O5-1 in the face. SCP-209-J was completely unharmed.]

O5-1: "Fuck! Gah, give me the damn thing, I'll send the motherfucker straight to hell!"

[O5-1 proceeded to snatch the flyswatter out of O5-8's hand, before swinging at SCP-209-J. 209-J then began buzzing extremely loudly, at about 80 decibels. This was enough to cause temporary hearing damage at prolonged listening. ]

The rest of the incident has been classified at Level 6. However, it is known that after the incident concluded, SCP-209-J teleported to a different Foundation employee. O5-1 then gave the order to terminate SCP-209-J by any means necessary.

IMPORTANT NOTICE

After recent studies were conducted by the O5 Council, it has been discovered that SCP-209-J originated from a failed experiment conducted by Dr. Jacob Gilford. After being confronted for this, he stated the following.

"I was being annoyed by this fly, it kept flying into my eye. So, I decided to get my revenge. I could have killed it, but, being a sadist, I decided to torture the fly for mildly inconveniencing me. I hooked it up to a machine that would inflict great amounts of pain to it, but would not kill it. But I fucked up and now we have 209-J. Yes, you all probably hate me now. Do I care? No, I hate you all as well."

Dr. Jacob Gilford was put on a one-week disciplinary leave for this.

Footnotes

1. No, Dr. Gilford, you cannot just terminate staff members for a random occurence and then blame it on "That damn fly!".

2. At first O5 command believed this was overkill and unnecessary. However, following Incident 209-J-1A-CLASSIFIED, the O5 Council has authorised the termination of SCP-209-J by any means necessary.

3. After the encounter between SCP-049 and SCP-209-J, 049 described the experience as "Greatly inconveniencing."

4. Alright, who the fuck detonated a NUCLEAR BOMB because of a FUCKING HOUSE FLY? I swear to God, you people have a combined IQ of a damn rat.

5. That's classified information.

6. Don't even ask.

7. Dr. ██████ has expressed a desire to do [DATA EXPUNGED] to the researcher who spilled the coffee on him. Dr. ██████ has been placed on psychiatric leave until further notice.

8. The Researcher who authorized this, Dr. Jathaniel Edward Jameson-Howardson, was terminated for this. And also for having a stupid-ass sounding name. I swear to God, people, stop being fucking idiots! You are scientists, think rationally! But then again, you people are the same people who authorized a "Bring your kid to work day!" to the site that SCP-106 was being housed at, leading to a massive containment breach, and the death of the child. Some of you people are fucking sadists.

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