SCP-5228-A close up.

Item #: SCP-5228

Object Class: Thaumiel

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5228 is kept inside a high-value storage unit in Site-15. The unit is to remain locked and the combination is to be changed bi-weekly. Only personnel with Level 3 security clearance or above are allowed access to SCP-5228. SCP-5228 is not to be used except for testing purposes.

SCP-5228-A is kept in an observation room in Sub-Basement Level 2 of Site-15. It is to remain physically connected to Site-15's computer network via wires from a terminal to the center of the object. SCP-5228-A is presently under 24/7 video surveillance. Two technicians are kept on standby in the event of a terminal malfunction. MTF Sigma-458 ("Noble Forks") is tasked with direct containment and operation of SCP-5228-A, with utensils, plates, and napkins to be provided upon request.

Description: SCP-5228 is a cheese pizza measuring forty centimeters in diameter. SCP-5228's toppings include pepperoni, peppers, olives, onions, dragon fruit, chocolate, cow tongue, cough medicine and steak-grilled sliders. SCP-5228 maintains a constant internal temperature of 60°C and has shown no signs of spoilage during the duration of its containment. SCP-5228 is located within a pizza box belonging to the Spicy Crust Pizzeria1 chain. Separation of SCP-5228 from the box has been proven unfeasible, as the strands of cheese connecting both objects are apparently indestructible.

When the box is opened, SCP-5228 will mimic the functions of a laptop computer. The underside of the lid will first display an printed image of a circular arrow rotating in a clockwise motion. This occurs for a period ranging from thirty seconds up to one minute, after which the arrow will be replaced by a graphical user interface. This interface features the Spicy Crust Pizzeria logo in the center with five icons on the left side of the lid. These icons are activated through the use of the image of a cursor. The cursor can be manipulated via the insertion of the connector of a computer mouse into one of the two holes on the right side of the box; the cursor's movements is limited to the confines of the lid.

Below is a list of the icons found on SCP-5228's lid:

+ Open Icon List

- Close Icon List

Flat Word: Represented by the letter "A" on a slanted rectangle with several vertical wavy lines above it. Functions identically to a word processing application; input is accomplished by pressing the toppings on SCP-5228. When the "Print" command is activated, the nearest printer to SCP-5228 will be accessed and will print what was typed.

Bread Box: Represented by a slice of garlic bread within an envelope. Functions identically to an email client. Email addresses can be added to the address book but cannot be deleted. Messages sent will be received as in non-anomalous email communication. This communication appears to be one-way, as replies are not received by SCP-5228.

Pasta Panic: Represented by an overhead view of a stylized plate of spaghetti with an eyeball in the center. When this icon is activated, the interface changes to a start-up screen. When the "Start" option is selected, SCP-5228 can be used to play a first-person video game. Players will find themselves in the ruins of an abandoned village and will be tasked with surviving for a pre-determined period of time against a variety of noodle-based enemies.

Wing Shop: Represented by a rooster holding a paintbrush in its beak. Functions identically to a raster graphics editor2. By inserting a flash drive into the second hole on the box, the user can access images and edit them. All images are faithfully recreated by SCP-5228. All changes made will be saved to the flash drive.

The most noteworthy icon is SliceNet, represented by a slice of pizza rotating around the Earth at high speed. This icon activates a web browser capable of accessing the internet, as well as remotely accessing any computer or data storage system. It can bypass any security lock, negate any alarm notifications, and defy attempts to trace and access. These abilities only function when SCP-5228 is within fifty meters of a computer or data storage device.

Addendum 5228-1, Recovery (09/17/2010): SCP-5228 was recovered from a server room during a raid on a Chaos Insurgency base in Tarbaj, Kenya. SCP-5228 was found resting on a pedestal in the center of multiple painted rings and symbols of thaumaturgic origin. A flash drive was found near the anomaly; decryption of its contents revealed classified documents belonging to the Foundation and other Groups of Interest.

Notes recovered from the base indicate that SCP-5228 was used by the Chaos Insurgency in a long-term operation to assist in coordinating attacks, and was meant to help establish an intelligence racketeering ring.

While it remains unknown how the Chaos Insurgency came into possession of SCP-5228, it had been concluded that the symbols surrounding it during recovery were based on Spiti-Class thaumaturgy.3 As the pizza box used to create SCP-5228 was an object directly associated with the Foundation, it has been theorized that its anomalous properties allowed it covert access to SCiPNET. Security measures were put in place to prevent such an scenario from recurring.

Addendum 5228-2, PROJECT DELIVERY: On 11/02/2014, it became apparent that the computer networks of many Foundation Sites were deficient in the areas of protection against cyber-related threats (anomalous and non-anomalous) and the storage of extensive data recorded since the organization's founding. Meetings were held by high clearance personnel to find solutions to these issues before they became critical.

The Director of Site-15, Carlos Mendez, drafted a proposal detailing the potential use of SCP-5228 to improve the Sites' computer networks. This proposal was sent to the O5 Council, and by a vote of 7-4 the measure passed. The resultant operation was code-named PROJECT DELIVERY.

Over two years of modification via thaumaturgy, paratechnological implementations and cross-testing with other SCP objects, PROJECT DELIVERY culminated in the creation of SCP-5228-A. SCP-5228-A was then connected to Site-15's computer network for a test of its capabilities. Though this action was initially met with skepticism, SCP-5228-A proved a highly valuable asset for Site-15; it requires no electricity to operate and has reduced energy costs by 30%, offers vast storage capabilities without any known limit, and can compute data faster and more accurately than the world's most powerful quantum computer.

After PROJECT DELIVERY was deemed a success, MTF Sigma-458 was formed and tasked with protecting SCP-5228 and SCP-5228-A as well as surveying Site-15's network for any irregularities and to act as a safeguard against cyber attacks. Proposals to create additional instances of SCP-5228-A, allowing MTF Delta-5 ("Front Runners") access to SCP-5228-A and to expand MTF Sigma-458 are currently pending.

SCP-5228-A is a pizza measuring 3.5 meters in diameter. SCP-5228-A was originally plain cheese, but upon the discovery that the application of a wide variety of toppings increases its anomalous capabilities and causes the appearances of new applications, SCP-5228-A was modified to include: pepperoni, onions, bacon, olives, basil, peppers, ham, anchovies, breath mints, vanilla pudding, Viagra, ice cream, additional slices of pizza, and pineapple.

SCP-5228-A retains the same physical anomalies as SCP-5228, with the exception that any portion removed from it will regenerate after a period of five seconds. While consuming SCP-5228-A subjects report receiving visions and hallucinations relating to Site-15's computer network.4 In this state, subjects can mentally traverse across the network via links on the files. Testing has confirmed that subjects can witness attempts to hack and infect the network with malware in real time, and can coordinate with SCP-5228 to eliminate these threats without significant delay. Affected subjects can also fully control any non-anomalous electronic device by making physical contact with their tongue. All anomalies cease when digestion is complete.

Addendum 5228-3, Complications: Following reports that more than half of MTF Sigma-458 has become obese and lethargic, it is been advised that task force members be rotated on a regular basis. Mandatory exercise regimens are also advised.

Members of MTF Sigma-458 have also reported a severe aversion to cheese after long-term consumption of SCP-5228-A. Research on whether this is the result of an anomalous effect or not is ongoing.

Footnotes

1. A Foundation front company.

2. A computer program allowing users to create and edit images.

3. Spiti-Class thaumaturgy revolves around establishing connections to certain objects, places, and entities between two points in spacetime with the use of metaphysical anchors.

4. Subjects have reported a mental interface consisting of words and numbers constructed from green light against an entirely black background.