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Item #: SCP-8078

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-8078 is to be kept at Site 83 in a standard containment cell equipped with airtight seals; the only furniture required is the ceramic bathtub in which it rests.

Personnel are not to make any requests of SCP-8078 beyond official matters. Interviewers and researchers are strongly cautioned not to make use of jokes, sarcasm, or any potentially ambiguous statements in its presence. Any attempts by SCP-8078 to offer aid in any non-official capacity are to be politely refused.

All personnel are to be reminded that though SCP-8078 cannot easily detect lies, it is not incapable of lying in order to appease its masters, especially if it feels threatened or coerced. Personnel are therefore strongly discouraged from attempting to impose any subjective beliefs they may have concerning 8078's identity or behavior on it, as 8078 will readily agree with them if it feels pressured to do so.

Staff members suspected of any inclination to use SCP-8078 for personal reasons or recreational purposes are to be shown video file MPT-101 as a first and final warning, with any actual offenders to be punished with reassignment or demotion, depending on the severity of the offence.

Description: In its default state, SCP-8078 is a 200-litre mass of viscous black fluid, similar to molten tar in consistency and striated with luminous metallic gold veins. SCP-8078 commonly shapes this matter into an abstract humanoid figure when it wishes to communicate.

SCP-8078 is polymorphic in nature and can perfectly replicate human beings, animals, objects, and other liquids after sufficient observation. However, SCP-8078 reports that becoming smaller than five millimetres or taller than three metres in height is extremely painful, and testing has determined that it cannot mimic gasses or combustible substances.

SCP-8078 is difficult to permanently damage, as its body reforms as soon as it is disrupted. Extreme heat temporarily disables its regenerative properties, making fire the most viable form of deterrence in the event of critical miscommunications.

SCP-8078 is sapient, but intellectually limited. It has demonstrated a general intelligence roughly comparable to a child, most prominently in its inability to comprehend the notion of permanent harm or death, as it cannot understand why deceased test subjects have stopped moving and are never seen again after being removed from its presence. It also interprets any information it receives literally, and therefore cannot process sarcasm, humour, irony, satire, innuendo, or obvious lies, and can only recognize fiction with prior coaching.

In addition to its dysfunctional initiative, SCP-8078 also exhibits compulsive obedience: whenever provided with an order, it will obey without question. Combined with its literal-mindedness, this has resulted in numerous attempts to accommodate any desire voiced in its presence, no matter how vague.

Psychological analysis suggests that SCP-8078 was subjected to extensive psychological conditioning during its earliest stages of development, indicating that its obedience is not an intrinsic trait, but was instead deliberately engineered in order to ensure it would remain cooperative with its previous keepers.

Discovery Log: SCP-8078 was first discovered on 01/10/2022 at Site 83, following a month-long period of unexplained thefts and gifts in the administrative offices, presumably its attempts to accommodate the conflicting desires of the staff.

As a result of its polymorphic traits, it was not revealed to Foundation staff until a frustrated secretary loudly demanded that whoever stole her stapler “stand up and confess to it.” Capture and containment followed immediately thereafter, which SCP-8078 made no attempt to resist.

SCP-8078 claims to not remember anything prior to gaining full consciousness at Site 83. As no signs of gestation were found in the facility and no perimeter breaches were reported, it is currently unknown how SCP-8078 gained access to the facility, though it is theorized that it was either unwittingly brought to the Site by a staff member before it achieved consciousness or was created there in secret.

Interviewed: SCP-8078

Interviewer: Dr Lina Raznakovic

Foreword: This was the first interview of SCP-8078 once it was properly contained. Though it had already been interrogated after capture, it was hoped that additional questioning could uncover any information it had not previously included, but SCP-8078's compulsive need to appease its keepers by any means (including lying) prompted an end to further interviews.

<Begin Log, 01:00 PM, 01/02/23)>

Dr Raznakovic: Good afternoon, 8078. How are you?

SCP-8078: I’m fine, Dr Raznakovic. I’ve been learning a lot today and making myself extra helpful. Security Officer Lin has been teaching me about clothes.

Dr Raznakovic: (pause) How so?

SCP-8078: I used to think that people just had fur and scales like other animals, but then I saw Security Officer Lin take off his jacket this morning. I was so scared – I thought he’d hurt himself! But he showed me he was okay, and it’s not really fur or scales. So now I’m learning how to make real clothing when I make myself into people. This is my scarf. Do you like it?

Dr Raznakovic: Where did you copy that from?

SCP-8078: I saw Research Assistant Pelion wearing it a little while ago.

Dr Raznakovic: Remind me to have a word with him about uniform regulations: he’s not supposed to wear that in the lab.

SCP-8078: You’re to have a word with Research Assistant Pelion about unif-

Dr Raznakovic: Not now, 8078, later.

SCP-8078: Sorry. Um, is there anything else I can do for you?

Dr Raznakovic: I have a few official questions for concerning your personal knowledge. First, what are you? How do you see yourself?

SCP-8078: Well, I learned how to make a mirror from my arm last week, so I guess I can just loo-

Dr Raznakovic: (sighs) What do you think you are? What do you believe yourself to be compared to human beings?

SCP-8078: I’m not sure, ma’am. I’m whatever anyone needs me to be, though.

Dr Raznakovic: Do you recall how you arrived in Site 83‘s offices?

SCP-8078: No. I think I woke up in one of the air vents, so I might have gotten in that way, but I don't remember anything before that.

Dr Raznakovic: Very well, then. Onto the next question: do you know how you shapeshift?

SCP-8078: Yes, Dr Raznakovic, like this. (audibly transforms, producing sounds of flowing water)

Dr Raznakovic: No, no, I mean… (under breath) Who the hell wrote these? (aloud) How does your shapeshifting ability actually work? do you understand how you spontaneously generate and subtract mass - if that's what you actually do? Or are you drawing it in from another dimension?

SCP-8078: Don't you already know? You change every time you move, so you must be shapeshifting too.

Dr Raznakovic: (confused) …8078, I don't shapeshift.

SCP-8078: Then how do you walk? Your legs don't stay exactly the same shape when they move, so they have to change so they can move. Isn't that how that works?

Dr Raznakovic: …well, yes - technically. Muscles do have to change shape in order to move, but not in the same way that you change.

SCP-8078: Oh. Is there anything else you'd like to ask me?

Dr Raznakovic: (audibly leafing through papers) Nothing for now, thank you. I think it might be for the best if we postpone this interview while I edit these questions for clearer syntax…

<End Log>

> Early Disciplinary Issues: 15/02/23 - 02/03/23

- Close

Incident Report (15/02/23): During an interaction test with a D-Class, D-8809322 became argumentative and mockingly ordered SCP-8078 to “show us your tits.” SCP-8078 appeared confused by this “request,” but shaped itself into a flock of small birds from the Paridae family.1

Research Assistant Pelion, having asked D-8809322 to be quiet for several minutes to no avail, was heard to ask, "is there anything that can shut you up for a minute?" SCP-8078 answered in the affirmative, whereupon Research Assistant Pelion sarcastically encouraged it to show him how.

SCP-8078 then sprouted a gland that launched an adhesive gel at D-8809322’s face, leaving his lips effectively sealed shut until the gel dissolved exactly one minute later. D-8809322 was shaken but unharmed. Research Assistant Pelion was reprimanded for carelessness.

Michael Pelion's Diary (15/02/23)2

Losing composure too easily. Don't mean to say these things, but I do - still too soon after the containment breach to bottle it up.

Need to keep writing.

Incident Report (20/02/23): In a test of its ability to memorize new shapes, SCP-8078 was ordered to mimic a Foundation staff member who wasn’t currently present at the Site and opted to become Research Assistant Pelion (on sick leave at the time). SCP-8078’s mimicry, dated Friday of the previous week, was pale, unshaven, appeared to have been crying, smelled strongly of vomit, and walked unsteadily.

Michael Pelion's Diary (20/02/23)

So stupid of me. Waited until midnight, picked a blind spot in the cell to self-medicate, didn't even notice that 8078 wasn't asleep yet. Now everyone's all over me like fucking shingles. Just like the day after my divorce, only worse.

Need to keep writing.3

Incident Report (01/03/23): During a test of SCP-8078’s polymorphic traits, Dr Raznakovic provided a loaded 9mm handgun and instructed 8078 to mimic its shape. 8078 obeyed, replicating the firearm so accurately that Dr Raznakovic was able to disassemble and reassemble it4

Following the test, Pelion began discussing alternate methods of firearm testing they could try, concluding by jokingly suggesting "The Cobain"; he then mimed committing suicide by gunshot, unaware that SCP-8078 was still awaiting orders.

SCP-8078 then attempted to assist with testing by reverting to its default humanoid form and shooting itself in the head with the sample handgun. SCP-8078 was left in considerable pain, and a large quantity of its biomass soiled the wall behind it, though no lasting harm was inflicted.

Research Assistant Pelion was reprimanded for carelessness. In light of recent behavioural incidents, the Site Psychiatrist recommended that Pelion undergo a full psychiatric evaluation and possibly be placed on unpaid leave. However, Dr Raznakovic cited the need to maintain a full staff complement for the following three to four weeks of experimentation, and this was reduced to mandatory counselling for the next month.

Michael Pelion's Diary (01/03/23)

I'm fine. I'm still writing in this diary, so I'm fine. I'm fine.

I don't need any help. Even if I did, nobody cares enough to listen. This job isn't meant to be about me.

Just need to get through the day, then I can go home and watch Dogville. At least Dogville has a happy ending.

I'm fine.

AUDIO LOG TRANSCRIPT

DATE: 11:13 PM 02/03/23

NOTE: While Research Assistant Pelion was checking the instrumentation in SCP-8078's cell just before leaving the building, Site 83 suffered a minor containment breach, resulting in SCP-████ damaging the Site generator and causing site-wide power failure.5 Consequently, CCTV cameras and audio receivers were disabled for the duration of the incident, though backup recording devices in SCP-8078’s cell remained online. However, it was claimed that the backup audio file suffered data corruption during the incident, and it was not until 10/10/23 that an intact copy was uncovered.

[BEGIN LOG]

Pelion: (static) -for a minute? I’m trying to concentrate o-

Loud rumbling sound; comparative analysis confirms that lights across the site have gone offline.

Pelion: Jesus!

SCP-8078: Are you alright, Research Assistant Pelion?

Pelion: I’m alright. I… I’m okay. (coughs) Just hold on a sec. (pause) There we go, we’ve got emergency lighting online at least. Door’s still not opening, though. Not a good sign. We’re sealed in, so that must mean the emergency overrides are in place, which means-

Muffled explosions, followed by distant roars and screams.

Pelion: Oh God. Oh no, oh god, oh shit, it’s happening again. Another breach.

SCP-8078: Can I help?

Pelion: (taking very deep breaths) I really, really doubt that, 8078. I mean, unless you can force open a reinforced security door with your bare hands or claws or tentacles or whatever else you can manage.

SCP-8078: I’m not sure, but I’d be more than happy to try if you’d like me to. (pause) Are you sure you’re alright, sir? If you need something to help you calm down, Dr Raznakovic says my vocal reproduction of the Goldberg Variations is almost perfect-

Pelion: (almost screaming) I’m fine! (quieter) I mean, I’m fine, 8078. Besides, (laughs mirthlessly) it’s not as if you could do much to help while we’re trapped in here.

Sounds of tearing metal and shattering glass can be heard outside.

Pelion: (gasps for breath) Or if we’re being honest, while I’m trapped in here and everything anomalous in this site is roaming free.

Muffled sounds of gunfire can be heard nearby.

Pelion: (increasing pace) But who cares? All we can do is clean up the mess when it’s over, and then go right back to keeping our little collections locked away and not doing anything with them except waiting for them to break out and kill us again! (voice cracking) Yeah, that sounds totally reasonable!

SCP-8078: Sir?

Pelion: (through gritted teeth) Just leave me alone.

SCP-8078: …I’m sorry, sir, the door hasn’t opened yet and there’s nowhere else I can go. If you like, I can make myself as small as I can, and you can pretend that I’m not here. (pause) Is there anything else I can do for you?

Pelion: (almost hyperventilating) 8078, please, stop helping.

SCP-8078: I… I don’t know if I can.

Pelion: (hysterically laughing, possibly crying) Yeah, because it’s never your fault, is it? It-it-it’s never you who has to pay the price when someone gets hurt: you get nice cozy cells with all the free food and entertainment you can ask for, and you get doe-eyed idiots like us to fawn over you and die in agony the moment you get bored with us, and nothing ever changes!

SCP-8078: Sir, I’m not sure I understand what-

Pelion: This is my second containment breach this year! Do you know what those things did last time? Do you know how many of my friends died?! And Christ, it’s never going to fucking change! All the items, all the creatures, all the things – we’re never gonna get anything out of them! We’re not their jailers, we’re slaves to them – to you!

Silence.

Pelion: Well?! Say something! You were full of questions a minute ago, so say something! Say something! FUCKING – SAY – SOMETHING!

Sounds of Pelion repeatedly striking SCP-8078, followed by the sounds of liquid splashing across the cell floor.

Pelion: (gasping for breath) Oh God… oh shit. God damn it… I-I shouldn’t have done that…

SCP-8078: (groans in pain as it reforms) Is… is there anything else I can do for you? (pause) Do you want to hit me again, sir?

Twenty-second pause.

Pelion: (astonished) I… I can hit you again if I want to?

SCP-8078: Of course, sir.

Pelion: You mean I have your consent – your full, knowing consent?

SCP-8078: Whatever you want, sir.

Pelion takes a deep breath, then continues attacking. Over the course of this assault, Pelion can be heard emitting harsh, gasping vocalizations; it is not clear if he is laughing or sobbing. Thirty seconds later, the beating stops.

Pelion: (panting) I’m sorry. I… I… I’m sorry. I'm sorry. I… I wasn't genuinely trying to hurt you, okay? I just… I just needed to vent for a minute. You understand, right?

SCP-8078: (pained) Yes, sir.

Pelion: Good, good. I… I didn't mean anything by what I said, either. I don't hate you. I don't hate anyone, not really. I was just upset. I was just… just…

A faint humming can be heard, indicating that main power is being restored.

Pelion: (speaking quickly) 8078, listen carefully. What we did tonight - it was just a game. If anyone asks what happened, it was all just a game. Got it?

SCP-8078: Of course, sir.

Fifteen seconds later, main power is restored, deactivating the emergency surveillance backup.

[END LOG]

Michael Pelion's Diary (02/03/23)

Lost it again.

Feeling guilty, but not for breaking the rules. Something about 8078’s eagerness to please makes me want to set things right somehow… but there’s also something about it that makes me think of new possibilities.

What if all this time, I’ve had the greatest prize in the Foundation’s history under my nose and never noticed until today?

- Close

> Pelion-Raznakovic Agreement: 02/03/23-08/03/23

- Close

AUDIO LOG TRANSCRIPT

DATE: 5:00 PM, 02/03/23

NOTE: The following recording was one of a series of files found in Research Assistant Pelion's safe. Based on the content of the interview, it can be inferred that Pelion knew that his assault had been discovered and was trying to blackmail Dr Raznakovic via a recording device concealed in his clothes.

[BEGIN LOG]

Raznakovic: There had better be a good explanation for what happened last night.

Pelion: Excuse me?

Raznakovic: Allow me to rephrase that: give me one good reason why I shouldn’t forward the backup audio from SCP-8078’s cell to the Site Director.

Five-second pause.

Raznakovic: Well?

Pelion: If you’ve actually heard the recording, you’d know I was under a lot of stress that night – and there was a containment breach going on outside, in case you forgot.

Raznakovic: In case you forgot, we’re supposed to be researching these things, not using them as pinatas! Besides, you weren't in any immediate danger, so-

Pelion: For Christ’s sake, I didn’t know if I was going to live through the night! I was just barely hanging on to my sanity – and yeah, it was a bit Two Minute’s Hate, but it was literally all I had to keep me from losing my mind.

Raznakovic: Not remotely an excuse, Michael. You know what I do to maintain sanity when I'm not in immediate danger? I meditate. I listen to Bach. I write in my diary.

Pelion: Oh, so you went to the same therapist as me?

Raznakovic: This is not the time to get cute, Michael. Why shouldn’t this recording go straight to the Disciplinary Committee?

Pelion: Because I’ve seen your notes – long enough to take photos, at any rate. If you send the recording to them, I’ll send them proof of your experiments.

Fifteen-second pause.

Raznakovic: How long have you known?

Pelion: Ever since I saw you swabbing down the wall after 8078's Cobain incident. You were collecting samples for cell replication testing, am I right? You’re running your own off-the-books experiments on 8078, and something tells me the O5s wouldn’t approve.

Raznakovic: For baseline cellular tests under strict lab controls? I’m just advancing our timetable by a few months, dodging an arbitrary waiting period; at worst, I’d get away with a slap on the wrist. You’d be fired for what you’ve done.

Pelion: That “slap on the wrist” could do a lot of damage to your career, Lina. Oh, and while we’re on the subject, why didn’t you go straight to the committee if you’re such a stickler for the rules?

Raznakovic: Because I thought you deserved a chance to prove to me that I hadn’t made a mistake by sticking my neck out for you! I was listening when you said you couldn’t afford the unpaid leave. But apparently, that wasn’t enough for you, was it?

Pause.

Pelion: (hesitant) Look… maybe this doesn’t have to be unpleasant. Maybe we could help each other out, get something good out of this.

Raznakovic: Explain.

Pelion: You were conducting a few tests ahead of schedule, and I was… well, you know. But what if we’ve been settling for less? What if we could aim higher? We’ve got a test subject that follows all orders, won’t get violent unless we say so, and will lie for us without even knowing it’s lying. So why should we let arbitrary regulations hold us back? Why aren’t we learning to put 8078 to good use?

Raznakovic: And what makes you think I’d be interested in that?

Pelion: Because that’s exactly why you’re conducting these secret tests. I’ve seen your research proposal: you want to see if 8078 can be used in Foundation security, but the pen-pushers are holding up the combat testing with paperwork and waiting periods, am I right?

Raznakovic: It’s standard procedure, Michael, absolutely nothing out of the ordinary. They aren’t going to take unnecessary risks wi-

Pelion: And that’s the problem! 8078 isn’t a threat to anyone unless we give the order, and we’re still being tied up in red tape. This could be the biggest win we’ve seen in decades, but the bean-counters aren’t going to let it work without years and years of bureaucratic horseshit! What if you could cut that short?

Five-second pause.

Pelion: Think about it. All we need is a good excuse for keeping the security cameras off, some test subjects who won’t spill our secrets, and we’re all set for our own experiments. This way, we’ll know for sure if SCP-8078 can be put to good use, and if it doesn’t work out, nobody else needs to know.

Raznakovic And if it does work out, how are we supposed to prove it without revealing that we’ve broken the rules?

Pelion: (takes a deep breath) We trigger a containment breach.

Raznakovic: We what?!

Pelion: Hear me out! We trigger a breach – a minor one, or maybe some rioting D-class personnel – and then we send 8078 in to save the day. We won’t need documented proof of our experiments: it’ll prove itself in the field, and we’ll both end up looking like heroes. You might even earn the pay rise you’ve been angling for.

Raznakovic: Even if your offer is genuine – that’s not an admission of interest – I don’t trust your motives.

Pelion: Why not?

Raznakovic: Because you haven’t told me what those motives are. More importantly, you still haven't explained how you’ve pivoted from beating 8078 senseless to putting it to use for the good of the Foundation.

Pause.

Raznakovic: This wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment idea, was it? You’ve been planning this for a while.

Pelion: …That night in 8078’s cell was the point where the penny twigged, but I think I’ve been building up to it for most of my career.

Raznakovic: And why is that?

Pelion: Because I’ve never once felt like I was changing anything for the better. We’re supposed to be preserving humanity, learning how the monsters tick, making the world a better place… but we always settle for less. The research almost never pays off, the world is always fucked, and by now we’re all resigned to suffering, so we carry on locking things away in the hope they don’t break out and kill us all.

Raznakovic: Hardly an objective point of view. We have a great many nonlethal items and entities in storage, Michael; we even employ a few of them.

Pelion: (scoffs) Sure, every once in a blue moon, we get something halfway useful that doesn’t end up turning on us, but even then, it barely seems to make a difference – usually because of some arbitrary ruling on ethical treatment, as if their rights outweighed ours. We’re not heroes: we’re the fucking bellboys of a glorified hotel service for monsters. Don’t you think it’s time we made one of these things work for us instead of the other way round?

Raznakovic: You’re an idealist, then? Tell me you’ve at least written a manifesto.

Pelion: You can be as sarcastic as you want, but I know for a fact that you want this as much as I do, doc, otherwise you wouldn’t have bothered with those tests in the first place. (sigh) And I don’t know what I am anymore. I just want to know that it’s possible.

Pause.

Raznakovic: It’s… not impossible. We have several delusional schizophrenics among the D-class population who won’t be believed if they talk, and I can think of a few official excuses for disabling the cameras.

Pelion: You’re in, then?

Raznakovic: In the sense that I recognize 8078’s potential for unimpeded research? Yes. I’m in. But it’ll have to be done carefully, discreetly, and above all else, professionally: no more thoughtless remarks, no more using 8078 as a punching bag.

Pelion: You have my word: I’ll be completely professional with 8078 from now on. Give it enough time, and we’ll be the best of friends. (coughs uncomfortably) Um, speaking of which… what are you going to do with the recording?

Pause.

Raznakovic: I think I’ll hang on to it. After all, it’s not like you’re planning on deleting your blackmail material, are you?

[END LOG]

Lina Raznakovic's diary (02/03/23)6

MP is an idiot. His project isn't going to work, the final stage least of all. Still, it's not all bad. I've been stuck on this rung for far too long; maybe this could be another way up the career ladder… but I'll have to have some footage of my own to make sure MP doesn't do anything stupid. With a little creative editing, maybe I can come out of this mess clean.

Incident Report (07/03/23): At 10:45 PM, SCP-8078 began experiencing extreme discomfort, and was heard pleading for “the men in the room with the metal eyes” to stop watching it. At 11:00 PM, SCP-8078 began screaming at a volume in excess of 150 dB while lashing out in all directions with a variety of limbs. Research Assistant Pelion and Dr Raznakovic were able to escape with minor bruising, but SCP-8078 did not stop screaming or attacking until all surveillance equipment in the cell had been rendered inoperable.

Dr Raznakovic recommended that SCP-8078 be moved to a cell with heavy soundproofing and all audiovisual surveillance disabled from 11 PM to 3 AM. Following additional testing, this recommendation was officially ratified, as was Dr Raznakovic’s request for emergency funding in the event of further unforeseen developments.

AUDIO LOG TRANSCRIPT

DATE: 08/03/23

NOTE: Audio recorded from a listening device concealed in SCP-8078's cell, presumably planted by Dr Raznakovic.

[BEGIN LOG]

SCP-8078: Was everything okay last night, Research Assistant Pelion?

Pelion: Better than okay. Everything went as planned.

SCP-8078: I still don’t understand, though: why was it important for me to scream and break the cameras at 11 PM?

Pelion: Just a little game, 8078, strictly between you, me, and Dr Raznakovic.

SCP-8078: Really? What are the rules?

Pelion: (laughs) We’re still figuring them out as we go along. We won’t know all of them until the game’s over, but I’ll keep you informed as I learn, okay?

8078: Oh, thank you. I was worried that I might do something silly and mess up the game like I did the other night, but-

Pelion: Hey now, I’ve already apologized for not telling you the rules of that one; you did nothing wrong, I hurt you, and it was my mistake. Got it?

SCP-8078: Yes, Research Assistant Pelion.

Pelion: Good. Now, we’ve got a very busy night ahead of us – lots of games and lots of new players. They might seem a little off, a little confused, but they’re all willing, just like you. We’ve even got a nice little maze of cardboard boxes so you can play hide-and-seek with them. You ready to play?

8078: Always, Research Assistant Pelion.

Pelion: Exactly what I wanted to hear! Now, let’s begin…

[END LOG]

- Close

> Brutality/Homicide Evidence: 10/03/23-30/03/23

- Close

Michael Pelion's Diary (10/03/23)

Expected to feel much guiltier over deliberately hurting our test subjects, but the more I see of them, the more I hate them. The fact that these ones are mentally ill doesn’t change a thing: they had a chance to seek treatment before they turned criminal, and they blew it. Then again, it’s not as if we have to kill them.

One really makes me want to vomit – D-99942. Her bio says it all: she thought her baby was a demon, drowned him in the tub, wasn’t even caught until she tried to have a priest consecrate the bathwater. Now spends all her days half-medicated and weeping as if she’s the injured party. At least in here, she’s making the world a better place.

Allowed 8078 to have some fun with her in all the forms I could suggest - even let it fall on her as a bookshelf. Pretty sure it was grateful for the exercise. Maybe it’s just my imagination, but I swear it was smiling at me as we wrapped up for the night: I’m pretty sure it forgives me for what happened that night, but is there something else?

Lina Raznakovic's diary (30/03/23)

That didn't take too long.

Mrs D7 collapsed on her way back to quarters with a punctured lung, probably from the Kodiak bear hug. Now the medical staff are suspicious: they're having her medication increased so they can get coherent answers out of her.

I told MP that we needed to patch this up or we'd lose his entire project. Once he was satisfied that we wouldn't be able to get our hands on Amnestics without it ending up on record, he gave the go-ahead. The idiot was shockingly casual about it, didn't even seem to care that this was all his fault.

I'd ask why this guy wasn't fired after his last psych eval, but then, I was the idiot that helped him dodge the evaluation. I'm guessing he's been hiding the full extent of his issues until now, otherwise he'd never have gotten this far.

Incident Report (30/03/23): At 11:30 PM, a routine test of SCP-8078’s emotional responses was conducted with the aid of a D-class. However, during this test, D-99942 claimed that she was scheduled for termination, daring both the research team and SCP-8078 to “look me in the eyes and kill me.”

SCP-8078 mistook this for a request and proceeded to extend itself across the cell in the form of a long blade, slicing D-99942 across the throat, severing the carotid arteries and exposing the trachea. By the time medical attention could be summoned, D-99942 had bled to death.

AUDIO LOG TRANSCRIPT

DATE: 30/03/23, 2 AM

NOTE: Audio recorded from a listening device concealed in SCP-8078's cell.

[BEGIN LOG]

Pelion: You did a really good job today, 8078.

SCP-8078: Thank you, Research Assistant Pelion.

Pelion: In fact, I’ve got a special treat here, just for you and me. Look at that: that’s a twelve-year-old scotch right there.

SCP-8078: I’m sure it will be delicious, Research Assistant Pelion. Um, if you don’t mind me asking… when will Sally be back?

Pelion: Who’s Sally?

SCP-8078: One of the players you used to bring in. She was nice: she used to call me “Mr Plasticine.” You remember her, right? She had a face like this. (sound of flowing liquid as SCP-8078shapeshifts)

Pelion: Oh, you mean D-99942. She’s a bit busy right now, 8078 – lots of games that need to be played, lots of jobs to be done. You understand, right?

SCP-8078: (dismayed) Yes, Research Assistant Pelion.

Pelion: Why do you ask?

SCP-8078: I miss her. She had a photograph of her son she used to show me. She’d cry sometimes when she looked at it, so I tried to cheer her up by becoming him for a while: she liked that.

In the background, Pelion takes several deep breaths; the bottle can be heard rattling against the glasses as Pelion pours, suggesting that his hands are shaking.

SCP-8078: She’d hold me in her arms while you were away from the control booth, call me “Liam,” and tell me how sorry she was. She’d never say what she was sorry for, but she’d keep doing it just the same.

Pelion audibly drains his glass of whiskey.

SCP-8078: Once, she said it made her feel like God had forgiven her, even though she kept saying she didn’t deserve it. I’m still not sure what that means, but-

Pelion: 8078? Drink this and shut up, please.

Bubbling sounds can be heard as SCP-8078 drinks the offered glass of whiskey, followed by confused vocalizations in multiple voices and the sound of SCP-8078 transforming rapidly, likely in response to the alcohol content.

Pelion: (deep breath) I’m sorry. I know, I know, that was thoughtless of me. I should have known you might have a bad reaction to your first proper drink. But, well… I’m not as bad as I used to be, but I’m still trying to be a better person, and I don’t always get it right. So, I’m sorry. You accept my apologies, right?

SCP-8078: (wheezing as it returns to normal) Of course, Research Assistant Pelion.

Pelion: Hey, call me Mike. We’re friends now, after all.

SCP-8078: Very well, Mike.

Pelion: Speaking of which, now that we’re on friendly terms, I think you need a proper name. I can’t just keep calling you SCP-8078, can I? So, how about… Sam? How does Sam sound?

SCP-8078: … It sounds perfect, Mike. Absolutely perfect. I’m Sam now.

Pelion: Just to me, mind you. Nobody needs to know your name, not when it means so much to the two of us: from now on, it’s our little secret.

[END LOG]

Lina Raznakovic's diary (02/04/23)

This is getting out of hand. The injuries keep stacking up, and while we haven't had any further deaths, MP's recklessness is hard to control.

I need an emergency exit, just in case it all goes south. The good news is that Our Friend8 has made it very easy to request emergency budgets.

Buying the necessary software for the exit will be pricey and require a bit of creative bookkeeping, but I can guarantee that there will be interested parties - one good thing I learned from the CIA. I just need to find one that won't kill me as soon as the sale is complete.

Meanwhile, MP is somehow even less helpful than usual: he refuses to assist with cleanup, instead just listening to that terrible Georgia Gibbs song "Kiss Of Fire" on his phone.

How is it that I've ended up as research partner to a man with his head jammed so far up his ass he could probably lick the underside of his own brain?

- Close

> Fraternization Data: 02/05/23-31/08/23

- Close

Michael Pelion's diary (12/05/23)

Noticed the strangest thing this evening: Sam talks in its her sleep.

When she's dormant in her bath, she keeps muttering words and sentences, most of them pretty nonsensical: "the search," "in his father's footsteps," "the begotten," "the house on hope street," "what we leave behind," etc…

However, one thing made sense - a name: “Aristaios.”

I know him: a researcher from Site 44, disagreeable snob - what the folks there like to call "Oxbridge." I remember he once got into an argument with Archives about accessing materials on Memetic control, wanted to apply them to Pavlovian techniques. Scuttlebutt is that his research was being conducted under O5 supervision, so had to be something pretty impressive.

He was badly injured in cargo plane crash about seven months ago, left comatose. Still recovering in physical therapy, last I heard.

Funny thing: all the stuff from his plane went straight to our Site. Can't be a coincidence.

Michael Pelion's diary 16/06/23

Getting the impression that Sam feels something for me.

Been calling her a friend for a while now, but it’s only now I've realize I’ve been feeling the same way for her. Don’t think I’ve ever met anyone I can be so open with or anyone who trusts me so completely.

I'm not like the others: she doesn’t obey because she’s compelled to. With me, she obeys because she likes me – because she knows that I feel the same way about her.

Never thought I’d write this, but I’m a better person around her: self-medication, rage, anxiety, despair – it's all smothered into silence when I'm with her. Like draping a blanket over a birdcage.

With about two hours left after every experiment and Raznakovic not interested in sticking around, I'm regularly sharing the time with Sam, just to make a change from the usual entertainment she usually has to put up with. She seems to like listening to me read aloud, especially Trilby and La Philosophie Dans Le Boudoir.

I’m thinking I should find a way to watch some movies together. After all, she’s helped me; it’s time I helped her. After all, what are friends for?

Lina Raznakovic's diary (31/06/23)

MP is acting very oddly - more than usual.

He arranged a movie night for himself in Our Friend's room this evening, even shared a bucket of popcorn with them9. Because my hidden camera was angled away from the screen, I couldn't tell what they were watching, but judging by the sound effects, it was one of the animated kids' films that we've been using to teach Our Friend about fiction.

MP would not shut up: he kept asking if Our Friend used to be like the main character, if they could give themselves pink hair and fangs, even if they would save the day by turning into "a pink cereal-mascot dragon," whatever the hell that means.

Then he started rambling on about the Lars Von Trier films he likes, about his ex-wife's collection of Pixar DVDs, about the importance of unlocking Our Friend's true potential "like any good friend would". I'm not even sure if he's calling Our Friend by name anymore, though I couldn't hear precisely over the TV noise.

Then he touched them - actually put his bare arms around Our Friend, even after all the warnings over potential biohazards. Our Friend clearly didn't know what to make of it, and seemed a little unsettled, though MP kept saying that it was "just something friends do."

And as if that wasn't strange enough, he also asked Our Friend if they would be willing to model itself on something they saw in "a different kind of movie." And he seemed very excited when they said yes.

Exit strategy planning is well underway, and just as well, because with the way MP's been acting, I'm not sure how much longer we can maintain secrecy. Thankfully, the Dark Web continues to offer dividends… along with one extremely insistent potential buyer: Tegid Foel.

Odd alias, but at least the owner seems marginally less tightfisted than MC&D.

Michael Pelion's diary (09/07/23):

Now certain it’s more than just friendship between us. This kind of closeness isn’t the kind of thing you can fake.

I think Sam might be falling in love with me.

Crazy as it sounds, I'm already in love with Sam. Don’t know what else could have made me hug her the way I did that night, or why I took her dancing an hour later.

Yes, dancing. Actual dancing, with music playing and everything. Sam knows my rhythms so well, like we’ve been together for years. Waltz, tango, polka, she can follow on without missing a single step. How could this be possible if there wasn’t a connection between us?

Know I should be focussing on next experiments, but can only think what happens afterwards: the movies, the dancing, the shared drinks, even some of the nicer meals I can sneak in. All I can think of is…

Guess there’s no better word for it than romance.

Michael Pelion's diary (31/08/23):

I haven’t felt close to anyone in the last two years: no nights out at the movies, no candlelit dinners, no dancing, no anniversaries.

Now that I’ve finally found someone that I can be almost normal around, it’s a shapeshifting blob of oil and gold. And yet, she means more to me than any ordinary human being, because she can be any human being and yet so much more.

Last few nights, I’ve been sneaking an air mattress into the cell so I can catch up on some sleep. Not sure how that evolved into letting Sam sleep next to me (in one of her human forms), but somehow it did. Last night, I held her in my arms, just to see if she was truly comfortable around me; not only did she let it happen, but she hugged me back.

Now I’m certain we’re meant to be together. Whatever conditioning Dr Aristaios forced on her, it doesn't apply to us: she doesn't listen to me because of the brainwashing - she listens to me because she loves me.

I need to tell her how I feel. I need to let her know that I love her as much as she loves me.

- Close

> Biohazard Exposure: 01/09/23-25/09/23

- Close

AUDIO LOG TRANSCRIPT

DATE: 02/09/23, 11:58 PM

NOTE: Audio recorded from a listening device concealed in SCP-8078's cell, presumably planted by Dr Raznakovic.

[BEGIN LOG]

Pelion: You know, for the longest time, I honestly thought there was no hope left in the world. I thought the Foundation was beyond saving. I thought I was alone. No friends, no family, no wife… I never told you about my wife, did I?

SCP-8078: No, Mike, you haven’t.

Pelion: I married young – stupid of me, really. We’d known each other since college, and I thought we had something together… and I was so proud of getting that offer of recruitment, I thought I'd celebrate by proposing on the same day I joined the Foundation. Made me feel like an honest-to-god superhero - getting the girl and getting to save the world. Like I said, stupid. No relationship survives something as bitter as the Foundation, does it? She kept telling me I wasn’t present. Kept telling me I drank too much, that I never had time for her, that she couldn’t even hug me without feeling like I’d turned to ice.

Muffled sigh; faint clinking of glassware; sound of a drink being poured.

Pelion: And it was true - all of it. Three years at the Foundation was enough to kill the marriage. After the divorce, I couldn’t stand to try again; I mean, how could I put my trust in anyone after the Foundation showed me just how rotten everything really was? And once trust is gone… well, it’s not long before hope follows.

Pause.

Pelion: But then I met you. My only hope for the Foundation's future. Our one big chance to cut through all the red tape. Would you believe me if I told you that you’ve been my only friend these last few months?

SCP-8078: Yes, Mike.

Pelion: I know, I know, it’s so obvious. I’m your first friend, you’re my only friend… and maybe more than that, if you really want it. (pause) You had time to study those DVDs, right?

SCP-8078: Of course, Mike.

Pelion: Show me.

Sound of SCP-8078 shapeshifting; sharp intake of breath from Pelion.

Pelion: You’ve outdone yourself, honey: it really does look exactly like her, right down to the loose thread on the left shoulder strap.

SCP-8078: (in unknown female voice) Thank you, Mike.

Pelion: Speaking of which… I want to see how well you’ve replicated what’s under the dress.

Further sounds of shapeshifting.

Pelion: Hold on, hold on, don’t just reabsorb it. I want you to make this as natural as you can, okay? Get undressed like you saw her do in that last DVD: unzip the dress and shimmy out of it, the way she did. I want to see the dress hit the floor, then you can absorb it back into your body through your feet. Got it?

Faint sounds of fabric rustling.

Pelion: There you are. Just as I remember you… only better. You really are beautiful, Sam: beautiful body, beautiful soul.

SCP-8078: (uneasy) Thank you, Mike.

Pause.

Pelion: You want this, right? I won’t do this unless you give your full consent, Sam: before we can begin, I want to know that you want this as much as I do.

SCP-8078: (hesitant) I want this, Mike. I want this.

Muffled kissing

Pelion: Sam…. Sam…

Sounds of belt being unbuckled and clothing being removed; muffled sighs and moans follow.)

Pelion I love you… I love you… I love you…

[END LOG]

Michael Pelion's diary (04/09/23)

Briefly tempted to try Sam in other forms, even gave her some more reference material so she could be around twenty other women. Had her shift through all the new shapes she'd learned in a striptease of sorts, showing me how she could adjust their attributes at will, or even combine the forms to make new ones.

Striptease fascinating, but ultimately juvenile, especially given that most of said reference material consisted of porn. In the end, decided that I liked Sam best in the first form I taught her: I'm a better person now, don't need to be with anyone else but her. Besides, Sam seems to like her new default form the best, seems to enjoy sex the most in that form. Inclined to agree: sex has never been better.

But it’s not just the sex: there’s a level of intimacy I’ve never known with my ex-wife or any other human on this planet.

She cares for me.

She must, otherwise she’d never consent to any of this.

Lina Raznakovic's diary (05/09/23)

Now I know why MP's been bringing in all those gynecological textbooks for Our Friend to study. In a word, urgh.

I had to confront him about it, but he's not interested in listening.

He calls Our Friend "Sam" now. He claims to be in love, even insists that "she" loves him back independently, and clearly doesn't realize that this is impossible.

I did a little digging, and according to personnel records, "Samantha" was the name of MP's ex-wife, another sign this project was doomed from the start: he's always had too many personal issues tangled up in what should have been purely objective.

I warned him about maintaining emotional distance, but all he said was "so you’d like me to go back to treating Sam like a punching bag, is that it?" I tried to discuss the physical hazards, but he just said, "I’ve found true love, and all you can think is how unprofessional it is." And when I told him that Our Friend didn't really love him, he called me a soulless cunt and stormed off.

This can only end in tears.

Thank God the exit strategy is well underway: I've already received several generous responses, but I've still got to consider my own safety and the risk of getting caught. So far, only one buyer - Tegid Foel - seems to cover both issues, and conveniently enough, this one seems to understand my offer the best. Whoever they are, they are very anxious to meet Our Friend… and might be the best placed to pay top dollar for it.

Michael Pelion's diary (08/09/23)

Raznakovic disapproves of everything, glacial streak of joyless puritanical piss that she is. No big surprise there, but it's not like she can stop me, not with the dirt I've got on her.

One worrying thing: I keep getting the feeling that someone's watching me when I'm alone with Sam…

Dr Raznakovic's diary (017/09/23)

MP's been cooing over Our Friend more aggressively than usual, insisting on plenty of peace and quiet so they can "recover from all the stress." Apparently, they've been suffering from disturbed sleep, even nightmares, and MP seems to think it's because we've been working them too hard.

He's wrong. Our Friend is suffering from disturbed sleep, but it's almost certainly due to MP himself, judging by the sounds that Our Friend has been making in their sleep: verbatim mimicries of everything MP has said during coitus.

Even worse are the sounds afterwards, performed in Our Friend's default voice: they're crying.

MP still doesn't realize what he's doing. He's not a psychopath - psychopaths can and will remain uncaring. A psychopath wouldn't be so attentive to 8078's feelings. He still has a semblance of empathy.

So how can he not know what he's doing to them?

Michael Pelion's diary (25/09/23)

Now convinced someone's watching me. Need to find out who and why. Sam's too precious to be at risk; project's too close to completion to be risked…

Dr Raznakovic's diary (028/09/23)

Goddamn MP and his endless talk of being watched is getting on my last nerve. Worse still, his paranoia is starting to rub off on me. While I was taking out the trash last night, I could have sworn someone was watching me out there in the darkness, but when I went to look beyond my fence, all I found was an owl in a tree.

- Close

> Staff Assault Incident: 29/09/23-04/10/23

- Close

Michael Pelion's diary (30/09/23)

Finally caught the motherfucker spying on us: janitor, supposedly. Snooping perve was watching me and Sam together when we noticed him.

Knew we couldn’t let him leave. Don’t know if he was just nosy or working for O5s, but couldn’t have him blabbing, not when we’re so close to finishing the project.

So… Sam and I played a new game.

Had to leave soon after: cameras were about to switch back on, couldn’t afford to get caught in the same room. Sam was really upset about the whole thing, as all I could do was coach her through a half-assed excuse before getting the hell out of there – will have to make it up to her soon.

At least I’ve got an alibi for the night. Think I’m coming down with a cold, so I can just pretend to be too sick to have stayed for long after the experiment ended.

Incident report (30/09/23): At 3:00 AM, reactivated security cameras detected human remains in SCP-8078’s cell; close examination found that the victim had been constricted and crushed beyond recognition.

An ID card and fingerprint analysis confirmed that the victim was Edward Stevenson, one of the janitorial staff. SCP-8078 claimed to have no memory of what Stevenson was doing in the cell or how he died, through traces of SCP-8078’s biological matter on the body confirmed that it was responsible.

In light of this unprovoked attack on a member of Foundation staff, all experimentation relating to SCP-8078 has been postponed until more effective safety precautions can be utilized.

Dr Raznakovic's diary (30/10/23)

idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot!!!

Okay. First item on the agenda: stiff drink. Second item on the agenda: contact Tegid Foel.

AUDIO LOG TRANSCRIPT

DATE: 30/09/23

NOTE: Audio captured from recording device in Pelion's jacket.

[BEGIN LOG]

Pelion: What was so important that you had to discuss it this late at – oof!

Raznakovic: What were you thinking?!

SCP-8078: Mike? Dr Raznakovic? What’s going on?

Pelion: (coughing heavily) Nothing’s wrong, Sam, just another game. You go back to your tub now, sweetie: you don’t need to hear what we say next. (quieter) Okay, what was that for?

Raznakovic: You know damn well! You’ve fucked us! You’ve fucked me!

Pelion: Wha- Me? What did I do?

Raznakovic: Did murdering a janitor slip your mind?

Pelion: I had to! If I’d let him get away, he’d have told everyone about me and Sam! I was just taking the same precautions as you!

Raznakovic: Not remotely the same thing, Michael! Putting aside the fact that dead janitors raise way more questions than dead D-classes, none of this would have happened if you’d kept your dick in your pants.

Pelion: I could really do without the smartass commentary, Lina.

Raznakovic: Commentaries are all we’ve got left! Experiments are cancelled until security's been upgraded, and once the new measures are in place, we won’t be able to access 8078 after hours without tripping at least a dozen silent alarms, so we can pretty much kiss your big plan goodbye. Congratulations.

Pelion: But- (cough)

Raznakovic: And I guarantee you that it’ll only be a matter of time before we’re reassigned for failure.

Pelion: You’re joking.

Raznakovic: Does it sound like I’m joking? We’ve already got a new research assistant being transferred over from Essex, some simpering bimbo with “previous experience working with polymorphic entities.” Rumour has it she once spent five hours sobbing in a bathroom over some neutralized SCP, so she’s probably too sweet for the Foundation, but she’s almost certainly your replacement.

Pelion: …seriously? That’s who they want in my place?

Raznakovic: I know. Says a lot about your work ethic, doesn’t it?

Pelion: Fuck you.

Raznakovic: Oh, relax. My replacement will be along soon enough… and without us around to keep it in line, 8078’s loyalties will shift to the new staff, they’ll start asking questions, and before you know it, all our secrets will be out in the open. We’ll be lucky if we don't end up being demoted to D-class.

Pause

Pelion: What do we do?

Raznakovic: Cut our losses and run. It’s the only option left to us… and as luck would have it, I’ve been exploring that possibility for a while.

Pelion: Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold your horses. First of all, where the hell are we supposed to run to? Second of all, what possibility?

Raznakovic: Defecting, preferably with 8078 as collateral.

Pelion: What?!

Raznakovic: You know as well as I do that there are a lot of GOIs who’d be willing to pay very generously for 8078, maybe enough to give us somewhere safe to retire to. I’ve already put out feelers to certain… interested parties, and initial offerings have been very positive.

Pelion: You did what?!

Raznakovic: Hey, I had to put those emergency funds to some use; I wasn’t spending it all on myself. Buying the necessary communications upgrade wasn’t cheap, but it was worth every penny.

Pelion: (coughs) Wha– You’re betraying the Foundation-

Raznakovic: Oh fuck off, Michael, we’ve been betraying the Foundation for months on end.

Pelion: No! That’s not the same thing – everything we did was to help the Foundation-

Raznakovic: You still believe that, even after everything you’ve done? You still think this was for anything other than your hormones and neuroses? Christ. At least I had a practical goal in mind.

Pelion: What, fleecing the Foundation out of as much money as you could steal, then running like a coward?

Raznakovic: Unimpeded research, you moron. While you were busy with your fantasies, I was busy with actual science: your big plan never would have worked, but I thought we could at least get some precious experimentation out of it, enough to give our careers a boost when the time came. But you couldn’t keep it together, could you? You just had to use 8078 as a salve for your personal issues!

Pelion: Oh really? And what about the fucking embezzlement? (coughs) Where did that tie into your plan for unimpeded research?

Raznakovic: I didn’t start that until you started undermining our secrecy! After that first dead D-class, I knew you’d fuck this whole thing up sooner or later, so I took precautions and set myself up for a consolation prize. Well, it paid off.

Pelion: For you, maybe.

Raznakovic: For both of us. You’ve ruined your own plan and you’re on the verge of drowning my career in your own festering shit, but at least we can walk away with enough money to start new lives well out of the Foundation’s reach… preferably as far away from each other as possible.

Pelion: So, who’ve you sold the Foundation’s future to? Marshal, Carter, & Dark? Are We Cool Yet? The fucking Chaos Insurgency?

Raznakovic: No-one you know.

Footsteps recede towards the door.

Raznakovic: The deal will be going ahead on the 10th. Be in my office by 5 PM, or I’ll leave you here to face the music.

Pause; footsteps stop.

Raznakovic: Oh, and one more thing: if you think of using your blackmail material to stop me-

Pelion: I know, I know, you’ll release your own blackmail material.

Raznakovic: No, Michael. I will use every last drop of influence I have left to make sure you wake up in the cell of the Foundation's most famous shapeshifter – naked, with your feet superglued to the floor and your cock dipped in wasabi sauce. Do I make myself clear?

Pelion: (coughs) …yes.

Raznaovic: Good. See you on the 10th. And would you kindly wipe your nose? You’ve done enough damage already without spreading the 'flu to everyone in the building.

[END LOG]

Michael Pelion's diary (02/10/23)

All gone to shit. Plan dead in the water, Raznakovic’s a liar and thief, and I’m still sick. Sweating, dizzy, coughing, runny nose, too tired to be conscious but too conscious to sleep. Massive bruise on my stomach doesn't help - goddamn Raznakovic and her knuckleduster.

Spent a couple of days agonizing. Must have worked my way through my entire music collection. But eventually "Tonight You Belong To Me" came to the rescue and I realized there might be another way: maybe Raznakovic’s client could put Sam to better use than Foundation ever could.

Even if they won’t, maybe I can convince the new owner to let me stay on as Sam’s keeper. Bit of a stretch, probably trying too hard to justify what I’m going to do but have to look for any positive I can.

Guess I’ll have to play along with the ice-queen’s plan, then… and hope that this bout of the ‘flu’s over by the time the 10th rolls around.

Dr Raznakovic's diary (04/10/23)

MP left his diary in the cell today, where anyone could have seen it.

Turns out he's been doing therapeutic writing of his own. Guess he wasn't joking when he suggested that we'd seen the same therapist - Dr Zachary has a lot to answer for.

Trouble is, the idiot's diary isn't coded or written on something easy to destroy, so he's risking a security breach whenever he takes the diary home, and he's basically confessed to every illegal activity he's been involved with for the last few months!

I was angry enough, even before I saw the latest entry. If MP thinks I'll let him endanger this deal by begging for a job, he's either drunk or an even bigger idiot than expected.

Either way, this is the final straw. I'm done with him - done with his attitude, delusions, the shitty 1950s love songs he listens to, done, done, fucking done. He can go back to roofying widows at funerals or whatever the loathsome little shit used to do in his spare time, and he'd best enjoy it, because I'm not bailing him out anymore.

So, with permission from Tegid Foel, the meeting's been moved to the 9th. Our Friend has been briefed, though of course they don't yet realize that MP has been given the wrong date. Once the gifts have been exchanged, I'll email my edited footage to security; that should keep them too busy to notice I've left the country.

Hopefully, they'll give MP a memorable retirement; frankly, death by shapeshifting fox would be too good for the syphilitic little bastard.

Strange thing, though: once the briefing was over, Our Friend asked me if I could tell it how to disobey.

They told me that they weren't comfortable with the "games" that they've been ordered to play, or with the way "Mike" touches them. Apparently, they don't know how to disobey him, and all but begged me to teach them how to say "no."

I had to tell them to just suck it up and behave themselves. Harsh of me, but that can't be helped right now: the last thing I need is for Our Friend to get cold feet before I get my money.

- Close

> Security Action: 07/10/23-11/10/23

- Close

Interviewed: SCP-8078

Interviewer: Research Assistant Amanda Teo

<Begin Log, 07/10/23, 9:00 AM>

Research Assistant Teo: Good morning, 8078. I’m Amanda Teo; I’ll be looking after you while Research Assistant Pelion’s on sick leave.

SCP-8078: I thought we would meet on the 11th.

Teo: Slight change in schedule: I thought I was going to be picking up a friend today, but it turns out he’s not well enough to leave rehab yet, so my timetable’s free. Sorry about the change in routine.

SCP-8078: That’s quite alright, Research Assistant Teo. I’m very happy to meet whenever works best for you.

Teo: Good. Anyway, let’s get down to more serious matters concerning your behaviour and security. Do you have any questions before we begin?

SCP-8078: Only one. If you’ve spoken to Dr Raznakovic, do you know if everything’s prepared for the 9th day of this month?

Teo: …um… no. (nervous) I didn’t know anything was supposed to be prepared for the 9th at all. (sounds of papers being leafed through) Dammit. Must have missed a memo. At the risk of sounding really, really stupid, would you mind explaining what’s supposed to be happening on the 9th?

SCP-8078: Dr Raznakovic will be taking me away on the 9th.

Teo: …What do you mean by “taking you away?”

SCP-8078: She wants me to become a briefcase and remain quiet while she carries me out to her car. She’s taking me to meet some new friends, about twenty-five kilometers from here; after an exchange of gifts, they’re going to take me to a new home.

(pause)

Teo: I’m sorry, what.

SCP-8078: She also says she’s going to leave an ordinary briefcase in this room, but I don’t understand why.

Teo: Dr Raznakovic told you all of this? She actually said this out loud?

SCP-8078: Yes. She didn’t say it was a game, so it’s not meant to be Our Little Secret, and she told me to take this seriously, and since she told me that I was permitted to discuss serious matters with members of the research team-

Teo: -you felt it was safe to discuss it with me. (to the security guard on duty) You heard what it said, right? I didn’t just imagine that, did I?

Guard Morton: I heard it too, yeah.

Teo: Okay then, I think you might want to give the security chief a call. (clears throat) 8078, is there anything else that you haven’t been able to understand recently?

(in the background, Morton can be heard calling security)

SCP-8078: (uneasy) …Some of the games that Mike plays with me have been… have felt wrong. I… I shouldn’t say this, but-

Teo: Please, anything you know could be helpful. Just telling me what these games are would be enough.

SCP-8078: Bedroom games.

(pause)

Teo: I beg your pardon?

SCP-8078: Every night, at around 1 or 2 AM, after the experiments are over and Dr Raznakovic's left, Mike takes off all his clothes and plays bedroom games with me.

Teo: …he does WHAT?!

SCP-8078: I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.

Teo: No, I’m not angry with you, I… just to be clear, Mike – that’s Research Assistant Michael Pelion, right? – he's been having sex with you every day of the week?

SCP-8078: …I don’t know what sex is, Research Assistant Teo.

Teo: Jesus. Erm, what does Dr Raznakovic think about all this?

SCP-8078: (in Raznakovic's voice) "8078, if you can’t find a way to say no of your own accord, then maybe you were never meant to, and wasting my time isn’t going to make a lick of difference to either of us."

Teo: Holy fuck.

Morton: Mandy, the security chief just notified the Site Director. You’ve been scheduled for an emergency call.

Teo: What? (phone rings) Ah shit. (into phone) Good morning, Director. Uh, thank you for responding, but I didn’t suspect this was serious enough to justify your involvement. (pause) For what it’s worth, yes, I believe it. (pause) Well, there’s also the fact that a research assistant has been having sex with SCP-8078. (pause) What? (pause) Meaning no offence, what ongoing investigation, and by who? Why do we need a conference call? Who else is there to talk to about thi- oh my god…

(pause)

Teo: 8078… there are some people on the phone who’d like to speak to you. Don’t be scared. Just tell them exactly what you told me and answer any questions they might have. I’m just going to put them on speakerphone…

O5-█: You may begin, 8078.

(the following twenty minutes have been redacted for the sake of brevity and security)

O5-█: Very good, 8078. Please cease listening for a moment: we wish to speak to Ms Teo concerning confidential matters.

Teo: Me? Um, no disrespect intended, but what do you need me for, sir?

O5-█: Misdirection. The suspects were already being investigated under suspicion of multiple counts of murder and illegal experimentation, but now that they are attempting an outright betrayal, we must move subtly so as not to panic them. Unlike our operatives, you are already part of the official research team, and publicly regarded as – how shall I put this? – a “softy.”

Teo: In other words, I’m beneath suspicion.

O5-█: True enough. However, there is another reason we involve you: we feel you would be… personally motivated to see this situation resolved, and therefore approach it with the vindictiveness appropriate for dealing with traitors.

Teo: “Personally motivated?” How’s that, exactly?

O5-█: Some months ago, we became aware that SCP-8078 was more familiar to us than initially suspected… and to you, as it happens. If I can put this delicately, you knew 8078's father.

Teo: I beg your pardon?

O5-█: You and Dr Magdaleno. As I understand it, his grief over the entity's death was the main reason why Magdaleno was forced to undergo rehabilitation.

Teo: …you mean… SCP-7955? He was 8078's father? How is this even possible?!

O5-█: As of this moment, you are officially authorized for supervised access to Project Thetis and its secrets… if only because Michael Pelion's interference has jeopardized its efforts beyond repair, hence why we chose to involve ourselves directly in these matters. Mr Morton, would you be so kind as to turn the recorder off?

[END LOG]

Michael Pelion's diary (11/10/23)

Still sick.

Raznakovic never showed up to the meeting. Sam still in place, told me that Raznakovic never came to collect her. According to guards, she showed up to work, left as per usual, never came back.

Maybe her client cancelled, maybe she chickened out, or maybe she just decided to leave the country her own way. Don’t know. Don’t care. Easy to believe that I won’t be replaced now: threat of replacement might have been another of Raznakovic's lies.

Even if real, the Foundation won't replace me. I'm the only one Sam truly listens to. They can give all the orders they like, and Sam won't follow a single one without my blessing. They need me.

Meanwhile, finally had a chance to meet Teo. Jittery little runt; too scared to return my handshake or exchange more than a few words with me. Must be an even bigger wimp than Raznakovic thought. She didn't want to stay after dark, so I've got the cell to myself tonight… and judging by her cowardice, she might be requesting a transfer soon anyway.

So, now it’s just me and Sam. No more Raznakovic, no more spies, no more fear of being replaced. Just me and the woman I love.

Alone at last.

- Close

> Remote Surveillance Report: 09/10/23

- Close

Incident Report (09/10/23): At 11:30 PM, Dr Raznakovic entered SCP-8078’s cell with a briefcase, unaware that the cell's CCTV cameras were fully active. As per their plan, SCP-8078 then assumed the form of the briefcase and allowed Dr Raznakovic to remove it from the cell, leaving the briefcase behind as a decoy.

Unknown to Dr Raznakovic, Research Assistant Teo then removed this decoy from the cell, added a pre-prepared audio monitoring device and GPS tracker to the lining, and then began tailing her from a distance.

While passing through the final security checkpoint, Dr Raznakovic was briefly distracted by one of the guards on duty, allowing Research Assistant Teo to replace the disguised SCP-8078 with the decoy briefcase while it was passing through the metal detector.

Teo then returned SCP-8078 to its cell, while Dr Raznakovic left Site 83 with the decoy briefcase. As per the official edict of the O5 Council, she was not prevented from leaving, as it was hoped that the listening device inside the briefcase would reveal the identity of Dr Raznakovic’s buyer.

However, approximately seven kilometers from the rendezvous, Dr Raznakovic became suspicious when "SCP-8078" did not move or respond to her instructions, and soon discovered both the ruse and the concealed listening device. Panicking, Dr Raznakovic left the main road, presumably in an attempt to avoid any pursuers. She then called the buyer to delay the rendezvous, unsuccessfully attempting to placate them by promising that their safety had not been compromised and that SCP-8078 could still be extracted.

The buyer was then heard to say, "I'll be there shortly, we can discuss the matter in person", before hanging up.10

Thirty-five seconds later, an unknown object audibly collided with Dr Raznakovic's car, and a loud growling could be heard outside. Over the sound of tearing metal, Dr Raznakovic could be heard screaming "This wasn't my fault! It's Pelion you want!" before both audio surveillance and GPS tracking abruptly went offline.

A drone was dispatched to the approximate GPS coordinates to investigate, but by the time it arrived, the assailant had already left the area.

Four metres from the wreckage of her car, the drone located the body of Dr Lina Raznakovic. Though badly wounded in the collision and subsequent attack, an autopsy confirmed that the cause of death was a stab wound to the left eyeball inflicted with a long blade or cannula, fatally perforating her brain and tunneling into her hippocampus.

Forensic examination failed to detect any tracks other than those left by Raznakovic, and no usable fingerprints were found on the car. There were no witnesses to the attack, as the area selected for the rendezvous was comparatively isolated and exhibited little civilian activity after dark. However, autopsies uncovered traces of biological residue similar to SCP-8078's on the victim's brain.

Carved into the hood of Dr Raznakovic's car were the words “CONSIDER THIS A STALEMATE. YOU CAN KEEP THE CHILD - FOR NOW.”

- Close

> MPT Incident: 12/10/23

- Close

AUDIO LOG TRANSCRIPT

DATE: 13/10/23, 01:00 AM

NOTE: This constitutes the final recording from Dr Lina Raznakovic's surveillance network prior to formal deactivation.

[BEGIN LOG]

Teo: Rise and shine!

Pelion: What the fuck?! Wha- (coughs loudly) How the fuck did you get in here? I… (coughs harder)

Teo: Yeah, your attempt at locking the door didn’t work, though I’d blame that on you being sick as a dog. You look like shit, by the way.

Sound of bedsheets being flung aside as Pelion stands up.

Pelion: What… what are you doing in here?

Teo: Me? I’m watching a genius hard at work. You need help finding your boxers?

Pelion: I… (coughs) I was just catching up on some sleep.

Teo: You can drop the act, Pelion. That was SCP-8078 you were lying on, not a mattress. And more importantly, I saw the woman lying next to you – an extension of 8078’s body by the looks of things. Clever trick.

Pelion: …You saw that?

Teo: Of course. The cameras have been online all night: everything you did was recorded for posterity, from the moment 8078 went down on you from the moment you dozed off about three minutes after you reached climax.

Pelion: (hoarse, rattling cough) You’re bluffing. You couldn’t have convinced security to put the cameras back on! (cough)

Teo: I didn’t need to convince security of anything: the O5s gave them direct orders.

Pelion: …the O5s?

Teo: They decided I should be the one to break the news to you, considering I’m your replacement. They even gave me a script outline. (taps piece of paper) Call me crazy, Pelion but I get the impression you’ve really pissed them off.

Pelion: …Oh… oh God.

Teo: You’re getting the picture, I take it?

Pelion: Are they… (struggling for breath) are they watching this?

Teo: They’ve been watching for a while. That excuse for having the cameras turned off after 11 was decent, but it raised some red flags with security. If you’d kept things on the down-low, you and Raznakovic could have dodged an investigation, but then you murdered that D-class just before she could be questioned. After that, security got the Site Director involved, and the more D-classes kept turning up with injuries nobody could explain, the more interested the O5s got - especially once they realized that someone might be ruining their secret project.

Pelion: I… I… (cough) I know this… this must look bad, but I promise you, I can explain myself. Everything I did was in the name of Foundation security-

Teo: Including that janitor who caught you with your pants down?

Pelion: That was not a janitor. You know, I know it, and so do the O5s! They probably sent him! (struggling not to cough) We needed to keep the project a secret! We couldn’t afford to let it be taken over by bureaucrats, not when we were so close to our goal! We were going to-

Teo: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you were going to clear away the red tape, breathe new life into the system, and bring a new era to the Foundation while diddling 8078 at every other hour of the day – I know! I already know the whole fucking story, Pelion: the O5s shared all the gory details with me.

Pelion: Oh, the O5s told you, did they? (coughs) You really trust everything the O5s have to say, Amanda? That’s your name, right? You know for a fact that they let some of the worst crimes against humanity go unpunished. You know they’re more than happy to use us as pawns if it serves their own agendas. How can you trust the word of the Council when-

Teo: When they already let me listen to the blackmail material you and Raznakovic were collecting? Including the entry when she called me a simpering bimbo, by the way. I’m guessing that was why you thought you could talk me into taking your side, right?

Pelion: …oh shit.

Teo: Oh shit indeed. They also gave me your diary. Enlightening stuff, especially the bit when you figured out that you were disrupting a project that had direct O5 oversight… and then went right back to your usual games as if they wouldn't have your balls on a plate for it. Certainly gives me a lot of insight into the mindset of a traitor.

Pelion: I told you, everything I did was for the security of the Foundation!

Teo: Is that why you were planning on leaving with Raznakovic and joining her clients as 8078’s keeper? Or why you were raping 8078 every night of the week?

Pelion: I didn’t rape anyone! I asked for consent! Everything I did was with Sam’s consent!

Teo: Oh sure, Pelion. It can’t say no, can’t disobey an order, and will do anything it can to please you, including salving your conscience. That just screams “consent,” doesn’t it? But then, you didn’t bother to think about that, not when it might have put those romantic delusions of yours at risk.

Pelion: It’s not a delusion! Sam and I are lovers, and if you can’t understand that-

Teo: (sighs) No, Pelion, 8078 is your slave and you’re its master. If you haven’t figured it out by now, then you never will. Frankly, I don’t expect you to see the light in what little time you have left.

Pelion: (coughs) What are you talking about?

Teo: All that sex and you never stopped to think about those tiny particles of shapeshifter that were being left behind in your body. You know that whenever 8078 gets hurt, its first instinct is to reassemble and regenerate, and that’s what all those little pieces started trying to do once you'd finished digging trenches. But of course, they can't find their original body, so they've merged with any nearby tissue and started to grow - invasively, damaging healthy organs and altering your body as they've expanded. We’ve got a funny little word for this. Care to guess what it is?

Pelion: (choking sounds)… c-cancer.

Teo: (applause) Good boy! I'd call it the worst STD you’ll ever have in your pathetic life, but really, it's just a sign that your body's finally become as malignant as your attitude. In fact, if you’d been conscious enough to take a good look in a mirror these last few hours, you might have noticed some of the more visible symptoms already.

Pelion: Oh… oh m-my god…

Teo: That’s a new finger forming on your right hand, isn’t it? New eyes popping up all over your shoulders, too. Judging by the sound of your breathing, those gills on your throat are causing you trouble. And is that a rattlesnake tail sticking out of your ass?

Pelion: What’s… (dry heaving) …what’s going to happen to me?

Teo: Glad you asked. See, 8078 isn't the only one of its kind: certain secret societies have studied its people over the years, and they learned all about the condition you’re suffering from, even found ways of moderating it so they could get what they wanted out of its sufferers before they died – the Rite of the Shining Brow, for example – and as luck would have it, we’ve inherited their research.

Pelion: (whimpering in pain) Get to the fucking point!

Teo: The tumours in your body are trying to reform into a complete adult shapeshifter, but there’s only so much they can do with the material they have; eventually, they stop trying to reform and start reshaping you into something more… reproductive.

Pelion: WHAT?

Teo: You heard me. If you survive the initial symptoms, you’re basically going to be one big womb. No shape, no brain, just a self-fertilizing protoplasmic mass ready to spit out a baby shapeshifter. And once you've given birth, you'll evaporate into a grey smear of residue for the janitors to scrub away.

Pelion: You’re… you’re lying!

Teo: Where do you think we got 8078 in the first place?

Pelion: No, this can’t… (coughs) this can’t end like this!

Teo: I'm afraid it can. Anyway, I think that’s almost everything the O5s wanted to say to you, so I can hand things over the research team that will be studying you the rest of your hopefully short life. It’s been emotional, Mike. Buh-bye.

Pelion: Sam, block the door.

Sound of rapid shapeshifting

Pelion: You’re not leaving… until you’ve given me that research.

Teo: Thinking of saving your life with it, are we?

Pelion: I swear… I'll… (coughs)… I'll break your neck if you don't tell me where to-

Teo: No you won't.

Pelion collapses; he is not heard to rise.

Teo: 8078, stand away from the door, please?

Pelion: Go ahead, give her orders. Tell her to kill me if you like. It won't make any difference: she loves me, not you. (coughs) She’ll hate you for this, Teo. She’ll do everything she can to ruin your plans, undermine you at every turn, and all because you and the rest of the Foundation are so far from feeling real human emotions you don't know what a loving relationship looks like anymore. (coughs)

Teo: You know what? (sound of crumpling paper) Fuck the script. 8078, I am now giving you permission to do as you please for the next five minutes.

SCP-8078: What?! I… but I… I don’t-

Teo: Pelion and I are giving you conflicting orders, right? He wants you to stop me from leaving, maybe even kill me. I just want you to leave this room and never look back. You can’t do both. So, you have to make a choice.

SCP-8078: H-how? How do I choose? What do I choose? I… need orders! Please! You have to give me orders!

Teo: Do what you think is the right thing to do. That’s the only order I can give, 8078. I think Pelion’s in agreement with me on this, aren’t you, Pelion?

Pelion: For once, yes. (cough) Do it, Sam. Do what feels right for you. Show her what kind of a relationship we really have.

Teo: You heard him, 8078. My life is in your hands.

Pause.

SCP-8078: I’m… sorry.

Sound of shapeshifting as SCP-8078 moves across the cell

Pelion: …Sam? W-where are you going? Sam? Sam?!

No response.

Pelion: WAIT! Whatever I did wrong, I’m prepared to discuss it; things will be better between us, I promise you! We’ll be better! Everything will be better! Just… just stay here! Please! I love you! Don’t you remember how much I (coughs violently)… how much I… (coughs) how… (gasping for breath)… you gave your consent! You didn’t say no to anything! You made yourself into anything I wanted! What’s that if not love? (cough) Weren’t we in love?

No response; the cell door opens.

Pelion: Sam (cough)… please… don’t leave me… like this…

SCP-8078 exits, the door shutting behind it.

Teo: (into radio) He’s ready. Tell Aristaios his consolation prize is waiting for him. Meanwhile, get 8078 to its new cell on the double; if I never see this rapeshed of a cell ever again, it’ll be too soon.

She exits; remaining twenty seconds of audio feature Pelion coughing loudly, emitting harsh, gasping vocalizations between coughs; it is not clear if he is laughing or sobbing.

[END LOG]

NOTE: Former Research Assistant Michael Pelion was remanded to the custody of Dr Quentin Aristaios shortly after this recording. The CCTV footage of this event and the remaining 72 hours of Pelion's sapience have since been collated into video file MPT-101 for the purposes of educating problematic staff.

- Close

> Staff Transition/Resolution: 15/10/23

- Close

AUDIO LOG TRANSCRIPT

DATE: 15/10/23

NOTE: Official recording from SCP-8078's cell.

[BEGIN LOG]

Teo: Alright, 8078, it looks like you and me are going to be together for the foreseeable future. How are you feeling?

Pause, interrupted by the sound of SCP-8078's body rippling; pattern recognition analysis suggests that SCP-8078 is nervous or unsure of how to respond.

Teo: (concerned) Um, is 8078 okay with you? I mean, if you'd rather have a human name like Sam-

SCP-8078: Y-you don’t have to call me Sam, Research Assistant Teo. Sam was what Mike called me, but I don't think that's who I am. And I don't think I'm “darling,” “sweetheart,” “angel,” “love,” “baby,” “sugar,” or any of the other names he gave me. I don’t think I’m “she” or “her” either, and I think I wasn’t even “him” or “he” when he asked me to be male. I'm none of those things, and I'm not Sam.

Teo: …that’s the first real objection I’ve ever heard from you.

SCP-8078: I’m sorry. But I feel I have to object. The name feels wrong for me now. 8078 is enough. It’s the only name that feels right. It doesn’t remind me of… of… what happened. (quickly) I mean, I'll probably be happy with a name of your choosing later, it's just that-

Teo: It's okay, 8078, you don't have to make excuses. If 8078 is the name you want, then it's your name. (pause) Besides, it's still too soon for me to start calling you Taliesin. Not that I would, obviously…

SCP-8078: "Taliesin"? I've heard that name before. What does it mean?

Teo: I'll tell you when you're older.

Pause; sounds indicate that SCP-8078 is shifting rapidly, suggesting anxiety.

SCP-8078: Mike isn’t coming back, is he? I still don’t know why people go away and never come back, but I think I understood what was happening back there: he’s gone for good, isn’t he?

Teo: That’s right, 8078. He’s gone forever.

SCP-8078: …I’ll miss him.

Teo: But why? He did horrible things to-

SCP-8078: I know. It took me too long to work it out, but I know that he was… hurting me. But I miss him all the same. I don't know why; maybe it's the same reason why I can't stop myself from following orders. But I wish I hadn't left him alone. I wish I'd helped him… just one last time.

A three-minute pause follows; gradually, the sounds slow, indicating that SCP-8078 is transforming at a more relaxed pace as it calms.

SCP-8078: Is there anything I can do for you, Amanda?

Teo: Well, we don’t have any experiments scheduled for at least a week, and I’m not going to force my choice in entertainment on you. So, for now… why don't you decide what to watch on TV today?

SCP-8078: I… I think I can do that.

[END LOG]

- Close

Footnotes

1. More commonly referred to as "Tits."

2. This journal was recovered from a safe in Michael Pelion's home following the events of 10/10/23. Having been confiscated as evidence, it has been included for additional context.

3. Earlier entries suggest that Michael Pelion was counseled by a therapist to take up journal therapy to combat stress and relieve pent-up emotions; this appears to have developed into a fixation bordering on graphomania, hence his documentation of the events that follow.

4. However, as 8078 could not mimic gunpowder, his handgun shape could not fire.

5. Fortunately, only four staff members were seriously injured.

6. This diary was found hidden in a hollowed book in Raznakovic's car following the events of 10/10/23. The text is heavily encoded, makes use of code-names, and was written on flash-paper for ease of disposal. Along with therapeutic writing, most of her illegal research was recorded here.

7. D-99942.

8. SCP-8078; in all likelihood, Raznakovic chose this alias due to the difficulty of disguising numbers while encoding her diary.

9. This non-clinical pronoun was presumably another measure to prevent the subject from becoming too easily identified by anyone attempting to decode the diary.

10. The buyer's voice proved impossible to identify, as they appear to have been using a sophisticated voice disguiser.