SCP-4378: — Her Noodly Appendage

Author: Woedenaz

Her noodly appendage reaches out to thank: DrBleep Modern_Erasmus Leveritas The Great Hippo Doctor Cimmerian Lazar Lyusternik DiamondInTheMaking

The top photo is a photoshop by Woedenaz that is made up of these two images:

Image 1 - Public Domain

Image 2 - CC0 Creative Commons

Item#: 4378

Containment Class: euclid

Secondary Class: none

Disruption Class: amida

Risk Class: critical

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4378 is contained inside a 5 liter stainless steel mixing bowl. The bowl is enclosed within the former kitchen of the United States White House with access via a single outward swinging door. This door is to be kept locked at all times. All movement and sound within 20 meters of the object is to be kept to a minimum; under no circumstances is it to be disturbed.

An X-Class cognitohazard is placed within the immediate vicinity of the kitchen door leading to SCP-4378, preventing White House personnel from either perceiving or approaching it.

► //ACCESS Experimental Containment Procedures

▼ Close File

At the request of Captain Meiersdorff of Mobile Task Force Eta-7, the use of a 190EI Model Gyroscopic Stabilization Robot has been approved for use in containing SCP-4378. The test will be carried out from ██/██/████ to ██/██/████. During the duration of the test, the entire staff of the White House (this includes the President) will be evacuated from the White House under the false pretense of an emergency drill. -O5-11

(Researcher Note: Request approval rescinded following Incident R-4378-M2)

Experiments with SCP-4378 are

to be approved only by O5 Council Members.

Interviews of instances of SCP-4378-# are

to be approved by Project Lead Dr. Lark.

SCP-4378 within its containment bowl following removal by Secretary of State ████████ █████

Description: SCP-4378 is a single uncooked De Cecco-brand lasagna noodle. Disturbing SCP-43781 causes physical objects within its range of effect to be transferred to what is theorized to be another dimension [Designated SCP-4378-A.] The range of this effect is proportional to the amount of disturbance. The relational growth rate of the object's anomalous properties is unknown, though it is estimated to be $x * 10^\alpha$ (with $x$ being the theoretical number of disturbed electrons and $\alpha$ being the Fine-Structure Constant.)

Entities transferred to SCP-4378-A are irrecoverable [Designated SCP-4378-#, numerically by chronological order of disappearance.] Responses can be sent by manipulating cooked noodles2 within 5 meters of SCP-4378.3 Extensive communication with subjects has been conducted. It is not understood how subjects continue to exist within SCP-4378-A, as subjects seem to lose all concept of self while still retaining their names. A Model M130 Remote Communication Bot has been used in attempts to communicate with the subjects, they have proven unsuccessful. A sentient interviewer is required in order to communicate with subjects within SCP-4378-A.

Subjects have been incapable of describing SCP-4378-A in any coherent manner, however it is possible to send recording equipment to SCP-4378-A for brief periods of time. After approximately 10 minutes and 17 seconds, the equipment is ejected from SCP-4378-A, retaining any recorded data. SCP-4378-A appears to be a brightly lit void loosely filled with dried pasta, primarily spaghetti noodles.4 Noodles have been observed spontaneously manifesting within the void during recordings, but the location or cause of their creation is currently unknown.

Communication with subjects sent through SCP-4378-A has been limited, usually only given in a simplified stream of consciousness that has proven difficult to understand, exacerbated by the required method of communication. When sent to SCP-4378-A subjects seem incapable of understanding how they are communicating with researchers and that they were once human, but retain their name. [See Interview Log SCP-4378-#]

SCP-4378 was discovered immediately following the sudden disappearance of Secretary of State ████████ █████. [Designated SCP-4378-1] SCP-4378-1 was observed spontaneously disappearing on security footage recorded on ██/██/████ taken from the White House kitchen. The brief video shows SCP-4378-1 opening an upper cabinet, taking hold and opening a De Cecco Lasagna Noodle box, removing SCP-4378 from the box. SCP-4378-1 then spontaneously disappeared causing SCP-4378 to fall, landing in the stainless steel mixing bowl of which SCP-4378 is now contained. It is unknown why SCP-4378-1 did not disappear when the box containing SCP-4378 was disturbed but it is speculated that SCP-4378's anomalous properties did not manifest until it was removed from its container.

Note from Project Lead Dr. Lark:

Pending further review, I would also like to add the observation that gravity did not seem to cause SCP-4378 to manifest its anomalous properties. When SCP-4378-1 dropped SCP-4378 into the bowl, nothing happened. This is reason to believe that SCP-4378 only reacts when disturbed by a force outside of astronomical constants. Possibly only a sentient outside force, but that would have incredible implications considering Incident R-4378-M2. But that is something I am going to consider another time. There are already enough unknowns about this damned piece of flour, egg, and water.

For approximately a week following SCP-4378-1's disappearance, various noodles found throughout the White House were discovered arranged in messages. The recorded instances of these are as followed:

A single piece of spaghetti found at the bottom of President █████ ███████'s bowl arranged in cursive writing spelling out "hello?" The president noticed this as a coincidence and pointed it out to his wife, to which they both remarked at the "chances of that happening."

A bowl of alphabet soup given to President █████ ███████'s daughter. The daughter pointed out to her father that the soup seemed to be randomly rearranging into various words including: nothing, ████[nickname for SCP-4378-1], ergo sum, and life.

A bowl of leftover linguine found on top of the mini-fridge of the Chief of Staff's office in the West Wing. The linguine was left out for approximately 2 days, allowing it to dry. All linguine was found arranged into the word "thirst." It is speculated that this happened while the linguine was still pliable and then dried out.

Further testing has proceeded to better understand SCP-4378's anomalous properties as well as attempting to discover a way to retrieve subjects back from SCP-4378-A. All current attempts have been unsuccessful.

► //ACCESS SCP-4378-# Interview and Containment Protocol

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SCP-4378-# Interview Protocol

FOLLOW ALL PRECAUTIONS AS STATED. FAILURE TO FOLLOW MAY RESULT IN UNINTENDED TERMINATION OF INTERVIEWER.

1.
Interviewer is to be safeguarded from the X-Class Cognitohazard.

2.
Interviewer is to bring 400g of recently (within 30 minutes of interview) pre-prepared spaghetti noodles.

3.
Interviewer is to stand as still as possible while near SCP-4378. Remember, we are still unaware of how much movement will cause SCP-4378 to activate.

4.
As per the preparation protocol, use of beta blocker propranolol is highly advised and only required if your supervisor deems it necessary.

5.
An outfit consisting entirely of non-abrasive and minimum-friction materials will be provided. No other articles of clothing are allowed.

6.
Do not touch the bowl containing SCP-4378 under any circumstances.

Interview Instructions

1.
A sheet of questions will be given to you by your supervisor prior to the interview, following the application of the X-Class Cognitohazard safeguard. These questions are to be memorized.

2.
Approach SCP-4378 without lifting your feet. The provided shoes will allow you to shuffle across the floor. Take caution not to fall due to slipping.

3.
On countertop near bowl containing SCP-4378, arrange the cooked noodles as instructed in the interview questions. Cursive lettering is appropriate.

4.
Leave noodles in place for as much time as needed for SCP-4378-# to respond. This has been anywhere from instant to 3 hours. Movement during this period is to be kept to an absolute minimum.

5.
Memorize any responses.

6.
Repeat until all questions have been answered.

7.
Collect all noodles used and carefully exit the vicinity of SCP-4378.

8.
Note all answers in the provided interview log. (Researcher Note: Please revise. Memorization of answers appears unnecessary when we have access to advanced recording devices. Suggestion: Implant of Ocular Visual Image Recorder.)

► //ACCESS Interview Log SCP-4378 Subjects

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Interviewed: SCP-4378-1

Interviewer: Dr. Mary Waldorf, Former Project Lead

Note from Dr. Gary Lark: Record of interview compiled from Dr. Mary Waldorf's journal as well as on-site audio recording.

Interview conducted only 2 months after disappearance of SCP-4378-1. Proper interview precautions not well established as SCP-4378 was initially classified as safe. Anomalous properties of SCP-4378 appear to be less effective at time of interview as Dr. Waldorf is able to use pen and paper to conduct interview.

Interview conducted via cooked noodles and will be translated to traditional interview form for ease of consumption.

<Begin log>

Dr. Waldorf approaches SCP-4378-A with a small bowl of cooked spaghetti noodles. Dr. Waldorf places the noodles near SCP-4378-A and the interview begins.

Dr. Waldorf: "Hello?"

Approximately one minute passes before spaghetti rearranges.

SCP-4378-1: "Speak? Who?"

Dr. Waldorf: "Doctor U ok?"

SCP-4378-1: "Who U?"

Dr. Waldorf: "I doctor Who U?"

SCP-4378-1: "I ask Not no"

Dr. Waldorf writes in her notebook at this time. As she does so, she mentions out loud feeling 'strange.' The interview continues.

Dr. Waldorf: "R U Sec █████?"

Long pause of three minutes before response.

SCP-4378-1: "yes yes yes"

Dr. Waldorf: "Where R U?"

SCP-4378-1: "here"

The noodles quickly rearrange

SCP-4378-1: "thirst water"

The noodles quickly rearrange once again

SCP-4378-1: "U water? bring"

Dr. Waldorf takes notes followed by a short huff.

All sound in recording ceases as Dr. Waldorf presumably disappears. Researchers on-site found Dr. Waldorf's Journal near SCP-4378 with a single noodle arranged to spell "thank."

Dr. Gary Lark designated new project lead.

Interviewed: Presumed SCP-4378-5, Former Junior Researcher Malcolm Stewart, lost following an incident during prior interview procedure.

Interviewer: Dr. Gary Lark, Project Lead

Note from Current Project Lead: Interview occurred one year and four months after SCP-4378-5's disappearance. Attempts to communicate were previously unsuccessful. Two more subjects lost between SCP-4378-5's disappearance and the following interview.

<Begin log>

Dr. Lark enters newly constructed containment area surrounding SCP-4378 following all precautions laid out by SCP-4378-# Interview and Containment Protocol. The day prior to this interview, Dr. Lark left spaghetti noodles near SCP-4378 spelling "Hello?" Upon arrival, spaghetti noodles rearranged themselves within Dr. Lark's presence.

SCP-4378-5: "tirsty"

Dr. Lark: "Who is?"

SCP-4378-5: "comb stew"

The noodles quickly rearrange

SCP-4378-5: "she say hi"

Dr. Lark: "Who she?"

SCP-4378-5: "she touch al"

The noodles quickly rearrange

SCP-4378-5: "she say play 4 u"

The noodles quickly rearrange

SCP-4378-5: "she say plan 4 u"

Dr. Lark: "plan 4 me?"

SCP-4378-5: "touch thirst"

Dr. Lark: "no not touch"

SCP-4378-5: "not care"

The noodles quickly rearrange

SCP-4378-5: "we no u water"

The noodles quickly rearrange

SCP-4378-5: "u come now"

the noodles quickly rearrange

SCP-4378-5: "just need feel"

Dr. Lark looks visibly frustrated and promptly exits the interview room. No further interviews are performed prior to Incident R-4378-M2.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING FILES ARE LEVEL 5/4378 TOP SECRET

ANY ATTEMPT TO ACCESS THESE FILES WITHOUT LEVEL 5/4378 AUTHORIZATION WILL BE LOGGED AND WILL LEAD TO IMMEDIATE DISCIPLINARY ACTION.

► //ACCESS Incident R-4378-M2 Log

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Compiled Incident Report R-4378-M2

Compiled by Captain Meiersdorff of Mobile Task Force Eta-7 at request of Dr. Gary Lark

Note from Compiler: Incident R-4378-M2 has proven incredibly difficult to document considering the nature of the event. Use of the Leifman Protocol5 has made interviewing any persons present during the incident impossible. Most documents compiled in this report have been totally expunged from the public record and are now likely only present in this report.

Memo from President ███████'s Secretary Dated ██/██/████

MEMORANDUM FOR THE PRESIDENT

Subject: Preparations for Earthquake

In regards to the earthquake advisory put forth by the US Geological Survey. Evacuation of all government buildings have been ordered and should be complete within the hour.

Secret Service officials should be accompanying you to Safe House 5 at 11:30 AM. Vice President █████ ████████ will join you along with your families. The US Geological Survey estimates the earthquake and any aftershocks should cease after 3:30 PM, after which you will be escorted back to the White House. However, if the White House has been damaged we will observe the Hoover Standard until the all-clear is given.

It is not expected that this will be a catastrophic earthquake and will likely only require the minimum of precautions. Regardless, I have been told by Agent York that the Secret Service is prepared for all possibilities.

Transcript of NewsChannel 8 Broadcast on ██/██/████

Compiler Note: Recorded following Incident R-4378-M2

Host: Morris Jones

Footage of police officer sprinting with automatic weapon

Voice of unidentified civilian man: It all happened incredibly quickly. Uh, after the quake. I really don't know, man.

Footage of police cars surrounding the White House

Jones: Fear grips Capitol Hill following today's earthquake, registered as a 5.9. Confusion and concern tonight on NewsChannel 8.

[NewsChannel 8 broadcast opening plays]

Jones: Good evening everyone, I'm Morris Jones. In the wake of today's 5.9 scale earthquake, the President and the entire cabinet has gone missing without explanation. Multiple reports from eye witnesses have indicated the White House collapsing at one point, but secret service members have contradicted this claim. Current reports also indicate that the White House still stands.

[Footage of eyewitness interview]

Woman holding small child standing in front of the white house frantically gesturing at the building as she speaks.

Woman: I feel like I'm insane. The whole thing was gone for at least 10 minutes6 after the quake. I'm here visiting with my family and we all saw it. There's just no way.

The Interviewer looks visibly confused.

Interviewer: So you're saying the White House had… collapsed at one point?

Woman: Sure. Maybe. I never saw it actually collapse. It wasn't there any more, though, for goddamned sure.

[Cut to interview of Secret Service official]

Secret Service official wearing sunglasses, standing in lawn of the White House.

Official: Nothing of the sort occurred. As you can see, the White House still stands. The President and his cabinet are currently interned in a safe location and will be giving a full statement within the hour.

[Cut back to studio]

Jones: Despite claims by officials, it has been just over an hour since that interview and no statement has been put out by the President. Concern over the President's safety has escalated as no word from any member of the cabinet has come from the White House.

Jones: We will have more as the story develops.

Memo from Dr. Lark to Mobile Task Force Eta-7

Meiersdorff, we have a Class J incident on our hands. Round up the team and head to Washington DC immediately. You are to locate the safe house connected to the White House, I have been told that it is found through a hidden door in the White House Kitchen.

And be careful of any aftershocks. A 190EI Bot has already been sent to the object and should negate any risks, but be careful.7 We do not know the full capacity of 4378's effects. It is possible that an event could still occur even while 4378's stabilized.

If the President is located, bring him to the staging location and perform the Leifman Protocol. If he is not located, return to the staging location for further instructions.

SIGNED: Dr. Lark, SCP-4378 Project Lead

Internal Secret Service Bulletin

CODE FLYING TURMS

REPEAT: CODE FLYING TURMS

ACTION REQUIRED FOR ALL AGENTS. FOLLOW PROTOCOL. ASSUME NEGATIVE INTENT OF ALL TRESPASSERS.

Communication Log of Task Force Eta-7

Compiler Note: When recovery of a person is primary, I often send a small elite team in first to locate the target before sending in the whole team. It is my understanding that this log is from the smaller team, just two agents.

A damaged section of the audio was recovered from the Communication HQ's database. Only TFE-7 Larper and Command's audio intact.

<Begin Log>

Command: Copies. Over.

TFE-7 Larper: Larper, Shipper. Over.

Pause as TFE-7 Shipper presumably speaks.

TFE-7 Larper: Copy, Shipper. Command, approaching target location of Turms. Over.

38 seconds of static

TFE-7 Larper: No, no. Shipper, the object is a noodle. Yes a goddamned noodle! No, I am not fucking with you. Did you not read the prep sheet?

Command: Larper, can you repeat? Over.

TFE-7 Larper: Roger, Command, it is nothing. Shipper read precautions on prep sheet but not description of object. Over.

Pause as TFE-7 Shipper presumably speaks.

TFE-7 Larper: What do you mean the precautions is all that matters? How are you going to know what the damn thing looks like if you don't read the description?

Command: Shipper, return to base. This is not acceptable. Larper, continue extraction attempt. No risk of immediate danger known but keep eyes open. Over.

Pause as TFE-7 Shipper presumably speaks.

TFE-7 Larper: Copy, Command. Contin—

Static for two minutes and 12 seconds

Command: Break, break… break. Larper, how do you read? Over.

TFE-7 Larper: Copy 3 out of 5. Breached the interior of the kitchen. No danger as of yet. Over.

Command: Copy, Larper. Confirm location of Turms. Alpha Sierra Alpha Papa, Over.

Static

Command: 10-9. Larper, 10-9. Over.

TFE-7 Larper: I REPEAT, Turms is not here command. And—

Rumbling noise & static

TFE-7 Larper: Command, aftershock. Orders? Over.

Command: Copy Larper. Leave immediately. Confirm no visual on Turms and leave immediately, over.

TFE-7 Larper: Copy, Command. No visual on Turms—

Rumbling louder followed by sudden static and silence

Command: Larper, say again. SAY AGAIN, LARPER. Larper this is command, please say again. … Shit, someone get a hold of Shipper.

Audio continued to broadcast from TFE-7 Larper. A copy of which follows:

Audio from Communication Log of Task Force Eta-7 following TFE-7's disappearance sent through a spectrograph.

► //ACCESS SCP-4378-6 Interview Log

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Interviewed: Presumed SCP-4378-7, Former First Lady of the United States ███ ███████

Interviewer: Dr. Gary Lark, Project Lead

Note from Current Project Lead: Interview occurred seven months following Incident R-4378-M2. Interview was unintended as letters in a bowl of alphabet soup within the Executive Residence were observed being rapidly rearranged. Dr. Gary Lark is called to the scene and United State President's son ███ ██████ is administered a Class-B Amnetic.

<Begin log>

Dr. Lark enters Executive Residence dining room and approaches bowl containing Alphabet Soup. Standard SCP-4378-# Interview Protocol is followed. The letters are rapidly moving, making it difficult to make out any communication. Dr. Lark places a spaghetti noodle near the bowl spelling "Hello?" Alphabet soup ceases rapid movement and rearranges once again.

SCP-4378-7: "Spreading, need to stop"

Dr. Lark: "Who is?"

SCP-4378-7: "Wife Lady ███"

The following messages come in rapid succession with little time for Dr. Lark to commit to memory.

SCP-4378-7: "right hard to no husbnd forget who is"

SCP-4378-7: "i remember but not long she no and come"

SCP-4378-7: "touch all she will no u no scp found u"

SCP-4378-7: "can stop give water thirst"

Dr. Lark: "Who he?"

SCP-4378-7: "noodle she noodle touch all"

SCP-4378-7: "not touch water need water"

SCP-4378-7: "give water to us stop him"

Dr. Lark: "us?"

Pause of five minutes before another rapid succession of messages.

SCP-4378-7: "give water so thirsty"

SCP-4378-7: "we spread become arm take water"

SCP-4378-7: "come for u of water"

SCP-4378-7: "nothing lark ergo sum n life"

Dr. Lark concludes the interview here. Further testing in to spreading influence of SCP-4378 is needed.

<End log>

Footnotes

1. Unconfirmed but possible that prolonged observation may also cause anomalous effects.

2. Any type of noodle appears to function as a proper communication device, but spaghetti has the highest transmission success rate.

3. A single noodle in the shape of a question mark was found on the lawn of the National Mall. It has not been determined if this is related.

4. Observed noodles have been: Lamian, Soba, Udon, Ramen, and Spätzle. While rare, a few non-noodle pasta have been observed in SCP-4378-A including: Elbow Macaroni, Farfalle, Anelli, Ravioli, and Rotelle.

5. Compiler Note: Leifman Protocol is the removal of a socially traumatic event and all related entities from the memory of afflicted individuals. Additionally, all record of events is expunged from all public and private records.

6. White House disappeared for approximately 10 minutes and 17 seconds.

7. 190EI Bot failure noted. Proposed containment procedures amended and denied.