Item #: SCP-1089-J

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: Texts additional to the master copy describing SCP-1089-J are to be actively sought by Foundation plants1 within occult communities. Recovered copies are to be safeguarded in a standard security folder and placed inside drawer 3C in room 29B of Site-21. Texts are to remain there until such a time that their authenticity can be verified independently by no less than three Foundation thaumaturgists who hold speciality licensing in Kinetology. Once confirmed, the texts are to be either incinerated, placed into dedicated anomalospatial landfills, or given that they meet the prerequisites, become subject to their own instructions.

Description: SCP-1089-J is an kinetologic incantation that results in the instantaneous dematerialization of a targeted object. SCP-1089-J requires no expertise or familiarity in thaumaturgical applications on the part of the practitioner,2 and has been successfully performed by those of no prior ability and prowess.

Texts describing SCP-1089-J identify the following prerequisites to be present at the time of the incantation:

An irreplaceable (favored), or an otherwise not immediately replaceable (sufficient), target object that does not exceed 150 grams in weight.

Underfoot carpeting or padding, to act as an incantatory area.3

A maximum of one witness.4

Insufficient time to waste, particularly so at the time of and in the immediate aftermath of the incantation.

After satisfying the above conditions, the practitioner must inadvertently drop the target object within the designated incantatory area. The practitioner is not to visually track the object’s descent, if SCP-1089-J is to be performed correctly.

The practitioner is to then kneel upon the incantatory area with flexion at the hip and knees, such that the face is in close proximity to the surface. SCP-1089-J requires the practitioner to kinetologically place their palms upon the surface of the incantatory area and make repeated, pan-directional sweeping motions, preferably in large swaths.

Radiochemical tagging has confirmed that the target object dematerializes gradually, and in direct proportion to the haste with which the kinetological motions are performed. Once the entirety of the incantatory area has been canvassed by the practitioner, the incantation is considered complete. Researchers and thaumaturgists have at no time recovered a target object that has been made subject to SCP-1089-J.

Addenda

1. Testing Log

Person(s)
Target Object
Selected Quotes

Junior Researcher Meyerson, Site-21
Contact lens (1)
“What the bloody hell?!”

Human Resource Officer Toby, Scranton Anchor Distribution Center
New hire’s social security card5
“How far could the fucking thing have gone, really?!”

Senior Researcher Martinez, Site-21
Dime (1)
“Gayhdammit. That was my last dime. And the darn card reader doesn’t work right now, ya damn itty it! SHIT SHIT FUCK SHIT DR PEPPER SHIT.”

D-29394, Site-63
A tack pin
“That’s it? I’m not going to be dismembered? This wasn’t tha— OUCH. There it is. No wait. Where’d it go now? What the fuck, it was just here. I just stepped on it, and am still bleeding, how can it be gone?!”

L-5 Thaumaturge Willis,6 Site-19
A highlighter cap
“Yep. Classic. Just throw the highlighter away.”

2. Interview with Walden Mollis

The following interview was conducted with Level 5 Thumaturge Walden Mollis to ascertain potential recovery options for objects lost to SCP-1089-J, many of which were sorely needed back, especially at the time of their hexing. Level 4 Researcher Dr. Emeri Tuss facilitating.

The following interview has been transcribed by a Foundation-certified stenographer.

[BEGIN LOG]

Dr. Tuss: Walden…

Mollis: …yes?

Dr. Tuss: …how are you?

Mollis: …good.

Dr. Tuss: You're a Level 5 Thumaturge here, is that correct?

Mollis: That's why I'm here. You know this already.

Dr. Tuss: I see.

(Pause)

Mollis: Is there something else, some certain data perhaps, that you are wanting to get from me…?

Dr. Tuss: …hmm. Hmmm.

Mollis: (Sighs) I'm well aware that your superiors like your interview hours to exceed a minimum quota and all, but I really don't have time for this. Let's get on with what we both know we're here for.

Dr. Tuss: Fair enough. Now. Thumaturge… Mollis, was it?

Mollis: Yes for Christ's sake!

Dr. Tuss: Ah. I see. (Writes on notepad)

Mollis: If you don't ask the one fucking question we are all three here for right this second, I am going to anatomically flip your lips and your anal sphincter.

Dr. Tuss: Is there any conceivable way, any way at all, to retrieve those objects lost to SCP-1089-J?

Mollis: Hell no.

Dr. Tuss: Thank you for your time.

[END LOG]

Footnotes

1. Non-botanical.

2. Who are frequently unwitting participants in the ritual.

3. Must be of a surface area sufficient to facilitate the kneeling and sustained shuffling of the practitioner; approximately 0.5 square meter at minimum.

4. The bystanding individual is to not be capable of visualizing the totality of the incantatory area.

5. Was in the process of making a copy for records.

6. Bystanding. D-9432 performing.