by stormbreath

Item #: SCP-888-EX

Object Class: Explained

Special Containment Procedures: N/A

Description: SCP-888-EX is a building located in █████████, FL, USA. SCP-888-EX is owned by known Person of Interest and parapharmacologist "dado"1 and operated as a dual laundry and tanning service. SCP-888-EX is currently branded as "laundry and tan by dado".

As far as can be determined, SCP-888-EX has no anomalous features, phenomena or qualities. Kant counter readings of SCP-888-EX have returned Hume level readings entirely consistent with the surrounding area, and field investigation has revealed no anomalies to be present. Additionally, no equipment that would be of use in the production and distribution of parapharmaceuticals has been located anywhere within SCP-888-EX, indicating that dado does not use SCP-888-EX for either purpose.

Since SCP-888-EX is believed to be wholly nonanomalous and attempts to use it to apprehend dado were unsuccessful, it is not within the purview of the SCP Foundation charter. Containment of SCP-888-EX would represent a violation of several clauses between the Foundation and the Unusual Incidents Unit within the SUSEOCT (Southern United States Extranormal Organization Cooperation Treaty). Therefore, SCP-888-EX has been allowed to resume prior business operations.

Addendum-A: SCP-888-EX was discovered during Extranormal Event-82901, in which multiple billboards in the Southern Florida region were anomalously altered to display an advertisement for SCP-888-EX. The following text was discovered on each billboard, written over any preexisting advertisement.

helo (this is dado)

are u in need of cleaner clothes

or dirtier skin?

fear not

for laundry and tan by dado2 can do all both

conviently located in █████████3

trust dado

Notably, the closest anomalously altered billboard was located approximately fifty kilometers away from █████████, FL, USA.

While previous statements by dado had indicated that SCP-888-EX existed, this was the first indication of SCP-888-EX's location. Due to the prior interactions with dado, SCP-888-EX was assigned an SCP designation as proper investigation began. However, it was determined that despite the anomalous method of SCP-888-EX's advertising, SCP-888-EX itself was mundane.

Addendum-B: The following is a transcription of the body camera of a Foundation agent attempting to investigate SCP-888-EX, conducted before the reclassification of SCP-888-EX as Explained.

[BEGIN LOG]

Agent Min activates his hidden body camera and adjusts it before exiting his vehicle and entering SCP-888-EX. He is greeted at the front desk by a receptionist, a teenage male.

Receptionist: Hello, welcome to laundry and tan by dado. Are you here for the laundry or the tan.

Agent Min: Actually, I'm from City Hall. I was hoping to speak with the owner.

Receptionist: I don't know who that is.

Agent Min: Our records say that the owner goes by the name of dado? The name of the establishment is "laundry and tan by dado".

Receptionist: Oh. That makes sense.

There is a short pause.

Agent Min: Um, I still need to speak with him.

Receptionist: Can't help you.

Agent Min: Could I perhaps speak to the manager?

Receptionist: I guess.

The receptionist turns around and yells into the backroom of SCP-888-EX.

Receptionist: Hey Eric!

The manager of SCP-888-EX exits the backroom in response.

Manager: What's this about?

Receptionist: This guy.

Agent Min: Hello, I'm from City Hall. I'm trying to get in contact with the owner of this establishment, dado?

Manager: Oh sure, I can help you. Do you want to take this to my office?

Agent Min: That's fine.

The manager of SCP-888-EX leads Agent Min into the back of SCP-888-EX and into his office, offering Agent Min a seat.

Manager: So, the truth is that, uh, I've never actually met dado.

Agent Min: Never?

Manager: No, not once. I have his phone number, but I've never actually met the man.

Agent Min: How were you hired?

Manager: I saw an ad in the paper a year back, looking for a manager. It said to send in a resume, so I did. A couple days later I got a call saying I was hired and was told to head over here. Once I got here, I had a whole list of tasks and a wad of cash.

Agent Min: So you just … started working for dado without ever meeting him?

Manager: Yeah… He files all the paperwork and everything fine, I've just never seen him. The job pays well enough and there's nothing illegal going on, so…

Agent Min: Is it a fair assumption to say that you are responsible for running this, then?

Manager: I'd really say so. I've done all of the hiring and filing. dado is mostly hands off.

Agent Min: I see. You do have a way to contact dado, correct?

Manager: Well, I have his number, I can give you that.

The manager of SCP-888-EX writes a phone number down and gives it to Agent Min.

Agent Min: Thank you. While I'm here, I'd like to ask you about an advertising incident that occurred for this establishment.

Manager: We've never advertised.

Agent Min produces photos of the billboards modified during Extranormal Event-82901 and places them on the table between himself and the manager of SCP-888-EX.

Manager: When did this happen?

Agent Min: Last week.

Manager: So, a couple weeks ago I mentioned to dado that business was slumping a little. He got all worried and said that he'd help me out, set up some advertising for us here. So I guess this is the result of that.

Agent Min: You've never seen these before?

Manager: Never and… oh god, these are awful. They don't have our number or address on them! How are people supposed to find us? And… oh god, "dirtier skin"? Dirtier skin?

Agent Min: So I imagine that you have not had an increase in business since then?

Manager: Well, now that you mention it… I think the FBI is monitoring us now, it started a week ago. There's all these unmarked vans in the parking lot now; I'm pretty sure I saw some point a geiger counter at me the other day; these guys will show up at the same time, walk in together and then not talk to each other at all while they're here, the whole time walking around looking everywhere.4

Agent Min: Ah, well, dado is wanted for involvement in some, illegal activities.

Manager: Oh, he actually mentioned something like that once. He said he made "magic" drugs that were unlike anything you could get in the world.

Agent Min: Really?

Manager: Yeah, I asked him if he could make some magic stuff for here.

Agent Min: What did he say?

Manager: "dado not god. dado cannot do all. dado is not in field of anomalaundry." Whatever that's supposed to mean.

Agent Min: That's something.

Manager: Yeah, something all right.

Agent Min: I have to say, your employer seems quite odd. Did he ever explain why he operates like this? With all the no contact? Why does he run this?

Manager: I actually asked him why he was interested in this place. He said he was a "true capitalist" and this was a "way to expand business opportunity".

Agent Min: And you? Why do you work here?

Manager: Pays well, and in this economy I can't afford to be picky.

Agent Min: Well, thank you. This has been helpful.

Agent Min leaves SCP-888-EX and deactivates his body camera.

[END LOG]

The phone number provided has been verified as accurate and as the method by which the manager of SCP-888-EX contacts dado, but all attempts at communication or tracing the number have been unsuccessful.

Footnotes

1. Wanted by the Foundation for alleged involvement in the creation of several parapharmaceutical products.

2. On the actual billboards, the colors of the preceding text anomalously cycle.

3. Censorship is result of a RAISA edit. Original billboards did not censor the location of SCP-888-EX.

4. All of these actions correspond to Foundation attempts to investigate SCP-888-EX.