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Item#:8662

Clearance Level 1: Clearance

Containment Class: safe

Secondary Class: {$secondary-class}

Disruption Class: #/dark

Risk Class: #/notice

SCP-8662 with the majority of SCP-8662-1 removed, prior to retrieval. When SCP-8662 reached Site-65, the trunk had reached full capacity.

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-8662 is to be kept in a refrigerated, dry containment chamber, designation Containment Chamber α12. Assigned level 1 personnel must remove at least 4 8 16 32 kilograms as much SCP-8662-1 as possible per day. The rear trunk of SCP-8662 must always be closed when leaving its containment chamber. The door to its containment chamber must be closed as soon as any SCP-8662-1 is removed.

Description: SCP-8662 is a red 2003 Honda Civic with a trunk completely filled with smooth peanut butter (SCP-8662-1). SCP-8662 was discovered in Prince Albert, Saskatchewan after its owner was pulled over by local law enforcement during a routine traffic stop. Foundation agents within the Royal Canadian Mounted Police retrieved SCP-8662 from a civilian impound lot after the owner of the lot reported that SCP-8662-1 had seemed to be multiplying and transported it to Site-65 for containment.

When any volume of SCP-8662-1 is removed from SCP-8662, the remaining SCP-8662-1 will undergo a process of duplication which continues until it fills the trunk of SCP-8662 Containment Chamber α12 the west wing of Site-65. Replacing the removed SCP-8662-1 does not halt the duplication process. The speed at which this process occurs is relative to the amount of SCP-8662-1 removed with an unknown maximum.

When SCP-8662-1 reaches the volume of the trunk of SCP-8662 Containment Chamber α12 the west wing of Site-65, it will stop duplicating, unless given access to another area. Access must be through an open door, window, or other stationary opening. Testing has shown that SCP-8662-1 will attempt to fill Containment Chamber α12 before it moves on to other parts of the facility, allowing it to be contained with regular removal.

Initial testing shows that any removed SCP-8662-1 does not contain the necessary properties to duplicate, and is safe for human consumption. Body scans show no anomalous effects, outside of a minor increase in dopamine production, slightly above the normal range after consuming food. Site staff are permitted encouraged to requisition a reasonable any amount of SCP-8662-1 for personal use. Excess SCP-8662-1 must be incinerated kept in site storage until the incinerator can be repaired.

Addendum:

Email 12/21/15

From:

To:

CC:

Subject:

smoe@scp.int

cjohnson@scp.int

none

Re: Request for Additional Funding for Site-65

Hi Clarence,

It's very nice to hear from you! Your email was a nice, unexpected surprise. How are the wife and kids? I hear the weather up there is pretty cold this time of year.

Anyways, unfortunately, your request for additional funding for Site-65 was denied by regional administration. But you're resourceful! I'm sure you'll find extra room in your budget for everything that needs to be repaired. After all, your site's been containing the same anomalies for years. I'm sure you'll figure it out.

Keep me in the loop if SCP-8662 turns out to be something interesting. Otherwise, I'll be up for a visit sometime after the snow thaws!1

Best Regards,

Seymore Moe

Administrator, Interior Sub-Arctic

Secure, Contain, Protect

Email 01/04/16

From:

To:

CC:

Subject:

smoe@scp.int

cjohnson@scp.int

none

Re: Cafeteria Manager Dobbs

Hi Clarence,

Boy, your staff up there are certainly something. I have an idea though. Why don't you placate Dobbs with a new title or something? Sure, he has to give up his cold storage to store SCP-8662, but why don't you call him "Nutrient Overseer" or something, just to make him feel more important?2 But I told you you'd be resourceful and come up with a solution.

Best Regards,

Seymore Moe

Administrator, Interior Sub-Arctic

Secure, Contain, Protect

Memo 01/07/16

FROM THE DESK OF THE SITE DIRECTOR

01/07/16

Memorandum to all staff:

Initial trials for SCP-8662 and SCP-8662-1 have been completed. As SCP-8662-1 has been deemed safe for consumption, site staff can now requisition a portion of SCP-8662-1 for personal use. Site staff are asked to use SCP-8662-1 in a responsible, cautious manner, and are reminded that SCP-8662-1 is still in containment, and is not to be removed from Site-65. SCP-8662-1 can be requisitioned from Cafeteria Manager Nutrient Overseer Dobbs, then retrieved from Containment Chamber α12 (Formerly Site-65 Cafeteria Cold Storage).

— Dr. Clarence Johnson, Director, Site-65

Incident 8662-A

On 01/07/16 Cafeteria Manager Nutrient Overseer Reginald Dobbs opted to include SCP-8662-1 as part of the daily on-site lunch menu. Cafeteria Manager Nutrient Overseer Dobbs neglected to mention the addition of SCP-8662-1 or mention a potential allergy risk. Dr. Samir Pakan, who has a severe peanut allergy, was half way through a chocolate banana smoothie when Cafeteria Manager Nutrient Overseer Dobbs remembered the allergy. Dr. Pakan was rushed to the medical station to be given an epinephrine injection, however, he did not show any symptoms of an allergic reaction on the way there. Site medical staff determined that while bio-identical to peanut butter, Dr. Pakan shows no allergenic symptoms to SCP-8662-1.

Memo 01/08/16

FROM THE DESK OF THE SITE DIRECTOR

01/08/16

Memorandum to all staff:

As per Foundation food provisions guidelines, any food served in the cafeteria needs to be labeled for allergens. Since SCP-8662-1 has many similarities to peanut butter, this includes SCP-8662-1. It is noted that Cafeteria Manager Nutrient Overseer Dobbs has issued a formal apology to Dr. Pakan due to the inclusion of SCP-8662-1 in yesterday's lunch, and site medical staff have determined that Dr. Pakan's peanut allergy does not extend to SCP-8662-1.

— Dr. Clarence Johnson, Director, Site-65

Incident 8662-B

On 01/10/16, after completing requisition requests for SCP-8662-1, Cafeteria Manager Nutrient Overseer Cafeteria Manager Reginald Dobbs was locking up the containment chamber for SCP-8662, but neglected to close the trunk of SCP-8662. This resulted in a containment breach as SCP-8662-1 had pushed out beyond the locked door of its containment chamber, and into the cafeteria of Site-65. On-site crews were able to clean up the additional SCP-8662-1 and incinerate it. However, this removal resulted in SCP-8662-1's regeneration speed to increase dramatically, making it impossible to contain it inside of the trunk of SCP-8662. Due to the alarming rate of SCP-8662-1 production, testing will commence on a new minimum daily volume for removal.

Memo 01/12/16

FROM THE DESK OF THE SITE DIRECTOR

01/12/16

Memorandum to all staff:

Due to the incident yesterday involving SCP-8662-1 and Dr. Pakan's office, site staff are reminded that due to the nature of the Foundation, acquiring trained and efficient janitorial staff with proper security clearance is extremely difficult. This is not an appropriate way to test the limits of Dr. Pakan's lack of allergic reaction to SCP-8662-1. I have approved overtime for any site staff who wishes to assist with removing SCP-8662-1 from the walls of Dr. Pakan's office, and I would like to remind staff that any future 'pranks' such as this will be met with disciplinary action.

— Dr. Clarence Johnson, Director, Site-65

Memo 01/16/16

FROM THE DESK OF THE SITE DIRECTOR

01/16/16

Memorandum to all staff:

Staff are reminded that their requisitions of SCP-8662-1 are to be used in a responsible manner. Therefore, the unofficial SCP-8662-1 speed eating contest has been cancelled. The unofficial SCP-8662-1 anomaly sculpting competition has also been cancelled.

— Dr. Clarence Johnson, Director, Site-65

Memo 01/17/16

FROM THE DESK OF THE SITE DIRECTOR

01/17/16

Memorandum to all staff:

Whoever made the sculpture of my head out of SCP-8662-1 and labeled it "Fun Police" will face disciplinary action. Site security will now be monitoring for any staff using SCP-8662-1 for unauthorized purposes.

— Dr. Clarence Johnson, Director, Site-65

Memo 01/19/16

FROM THE DESK OF THE SITE DIRECTOR

01/19/16

Memorandum to all staff:

Staff are reminded that the Foundation has existing protocols for creating and submitting report documentation and that SCP-8662-1 is not to be used for the purposes of redacting reports. Additionally, there is no such thing as "Level Peanut Butter" clearance, and if there was, I would certainly have it.

— Dr. Clarence Johnson, Director, Site-65

Memo 01/21/16

FROM THE DESK OF THE SITE DIRECTOR

01/21/16

Memorandum to all staff:

My office is strictly off-limits when I am not in it. Staff are also reminded that stealing lunches is a violation of the ethics code, as is replacing said missing lunch with SCP-8662-1. If whoever did steal my lunch would return it, or replace it with something not containing SCP-8662-1, it would be appreciated.

— Dr. Clarence Johnson, Director, Site-65

Memo 01/23/16

FROM THE DESK OF THE SITE DIRECTOR

01/23/16

Memorandum to all staff:

Site Security Staff are reminded that SCP-8662-1 is not a "Non-Lethal Weapon" and to cease building "Site Fortifications" out of SCP-8662-1. The unofficial SCP-8662-1 food fight has been cancelled. Please refrain from more SCP-8662-1 related activities.

— Dr. Clarence Johnson, Director, Site-65

Memo 01/24/16

FROM THE DESK OF THE SITE DIRECTOR

01/24/16

Memorandum to all staff:

I'm pretty sure filling the trunk of my car with SCP-8662-1 is a violation of the ethics code. I have no idea how you managed to get that much SCP-8662-1 in there. I now need to get it deep cleaned and I can't exactly take it to a civilian detailing place. Removing SCP-8662-1 from containment for any reason other than disposal is no longer permitted. I have asked nicely, but that was obviously ignored.

— Dr. Clarence Johnson, Director, Site-65

Memo 01/25/16

FROM THE DESK OF THE SITE DIRECTOR

01/25/16

Memorandum to all staff:

Look, I get it's funny, but making life-sized statues and dressing them up in lab coats and ID badges to spook me is NOT OK. You put one of those stupid statues in Dr. Pakan's office, and covered the whole office in SCP-8662-1 AGAIN. I am trying to work you people to create a good work environment and the last thing we need is peanut butter statues.

— Dr. Clarence Johnson, Director, Site-65

Memo 01/26/16

FROM THE DESK OF THE SITE DIRECTOR

01/26/16

Memorandum to all staff:

Please just stop. Just stop. I've had enough. I came in today, and everything in my office had been replaced with a 1:1 scale model made of SCP-8662-1. Haven't I been tortured enough? I am locking up the cold storage, and throwing away the damn key.

— Dr. Clarence Johnson, Director, Site-65

Incident 8662-C

On 01/26/16, Site Director Johnson ordered the incineration of all SCP-8662-1 outside of the trunk of SCP-8662. Despite the best efforts of site staff, the regeneration rate of SCP-8662-1 outpaced removal efforts. The sheer volume of SCP-8662-1 that was removed has caused permanent damage to the site's incinerator, leaving it in a state of disrepair. SCP-8662-1 was successfully re-contained in its containment chamber, and the removed SCP-8662-1 was put into site storage. After this incident, Site Director Johnson put in for a four-day leave of absence.

Incident 8662-D

On 01/28/16, due to severe neglect from site staff, there was a containment breach as SCP-8662-1 had expanded out of its containment chamber, and filled up the Site-65 cafeteria. It then further expanded into the hallways until it took up the entire West Wing. It is unknown which member of staff was responsible for the breach, but it is assumed that someone must have faked clearance above the site director to open the containment chamber. Investigations are ongoing.

Interview: Incident 8662-D

Interviewed: Cafeteria Manager Reginald Dobbs, Site-65

Interviewer: Site-65 Director Dr. Clarence Johnson

In Attendance: Captain Alexandra du Flay, head of Security, Site-65

Foreword: This interview was prompted by Site Director Johnson, who believed that Cafeteria Manager Dobbs was behind incidents related to Incident 8662-C.

<Begin Log, 01/31/16 10:15>

Dr. Johnson: OK Dobbs, I know this was you. Fess up. You left the door open to Containment Chamber α12 and caused SCP-8662-1 to breach containment.

Cafeteria Manager Dobbs does not respond.

Dr. Johnson: We have all day. If I can't get an confession out of you, I'll have [Captain du Flay] beat it out of you.

Cafeteria Manager Dobbs does not respond.

Sounds of movement are heard as Director Johnson gets up from his chair to get closer to Cafeteria Manager Dobbs.

Dr. Johnson: Oh god dammit!

Director Johnson exits the room hurriedly. A door slams, and the sound of peanut butter hitting a carpeted floor can be heard.

<End Log, 01/31/16 19:17>

Closing Statement: The recording ended after the tape ran out. After leaving, Director Johnson retired to his office and locked himself inside for a number of hours. Captain du Flay later reported that neither she nor Cafeteria Manager Dobbs were present in the room, and Director Johnson was talking to life-sized statues of them made out of SCP-8662-1. The creator of the statues is unknown.

Memo 01/31/16

FROM THE DESK OF THE SITE DIRECTOR

01/31/16

Memorandum to staff:

Really? Really? OK. I get it. I come in after a few days off, expecting a nice, normal SCP-8662-1 free day, and somehow, the entirely of the west wing of Site-65 is filled with SCP-8662-1. The. Entire. West. Wing. One of you is at fault for this, and I will find you.

— Dr. Clarence Johnson, Director, Site-65

Memo 02/01/16

FROM THE DESK OF THE SITE DIRECTOR

02/01/16

Memorandum to all staff:

The SCP-8662-1 sculpture contest has been approved by the site director.

— Dr. Clarence Johnson, Director, Site-65

Footnotes

1. No member of the active administration has visited Site-65.

2. Nutrient Overseer is not an official title within the Foundation.