Note: This file possesses cognitohazardous properties and should only be viewed by personnel with an Anomalous Impulse Resistance Index of at least 83. All other personnel should close this file immediately and report to their supervisor.

Image of SCP-3808 altered for safe viewing.

Item #: SCP-3808

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3808 is kept on-location, placed on a pedestal under a glass bell jar. One guard must be present at all times to ensure that visitors do not take photographs of SCP-3808, as well as to answer questions posed by visitors. Visitors who take issue with SCP-3808's situation should be dismissed, by force if necessary.

Personnel who recommend changes to these containment procedures or Cover Story 3808-Gamma should submit proposals in writing to SCP-3808's containment liaison in a sealed envelope with no markings other than their Employee ID Number.

Description: SCP-3808 is a bacon cheeseburger located at 44°85'██"N, -98°22'██"W, 1.33 meters above the ground. All components of SCP-3808 will rapidly return to their default state and location relative to each other if altered in any fashion. While SCP-3808 can be moved, it is subject to a force in the direction of its resting point proportional to its distance from the resting point. An unaided human cannot move SCP-3808 more than two meters from its resting point; heavy machinery is capable of moving SCP-3808 up to four meters away.

SCP-3808 is a visual cognitohazard. Subjects who view SCP-3808 or any insufficiently altered image of it become preoccupied by SCP-3808's congruence, or lack thereof, with its immediate surroundings. Subjects will attempt to rectify any perceived discrepancy such that they are satisfied that it is sensible for a bacon cheeseburger to occupy SCP-3808's position. For example, if SCP-3808 is suspended midair, subjects will either hold it in place or put some sort of supporting structure underneath it.

After rectifying any immediately obvious violations of physics, subjects will typically take issue with SCP-3808's location in a forest with no man-made structures in the immediate vicinity. Different subjects have different priorities and perspectives on this matter, though most will agree that SCP-3808 should be located in some sort of restaurant that sells (among other things) bacon cheeseburgers. Multiple attempts to establish such a restaurant have been stymied by an inability among those responsible to agree on the exact parameters of this restaurant.

Persons who are unable to adjust SCP-3808's setting to their satisfaction will generally direct their efforts towards identifying the history and causal mechanism for SCP-3808 in an attempt to integrate SCP-3808's existence into their worldview. Various subjects affected this way have attempted to publish scientific treatises with little to no merit that describe laws of physics that would permit SCP-3808's existence.

Exposure to substantial information about SCP-3808 has the same effect as visual exposure, albeit at a greatly reduced rate. Personnel responsible for overseeing and studying SCP-3808 have refused to implement common-sense containment procedures that minimize public access to SCP-3808, stating that it would be nonsensical for a bacon cheeseburger to be hidden in a forest and monitored remotely. Containment Procedures for SCP-3808 consequentially underwent fifteen major revisions after initial implementation, increasing both Foundation and civilian exposure to SCP-3808 above acceptable levels.

All symptoms of SCP-3808 exposure can be eliminated via amnestic treatment.

On 2015-04-10, Chinese artist Ai Weiwei was contracted as a containment consultant for SCP-3808. Current containment procedures were implemented to his specifications such that SCP-3808 could be interpreted as artistic commentary on the ubiquity of fast food culture and the incorporation of 'natural' areas into modern capitalism. While some personnel were skeptical of the piece's artistic merit and/or the validity of its message, most of those personnel conceded the existence of art installations that they disagreed with and were satisfied by containment procedures. Personnel who objected were then amnesticized.

+ Enter Special Access Code

- Access Granted

Dr. Bergeron,

You were right to ask for a consult on this completely hypothetical question.

If an anomaly with the memetic properties you described were to exist (as you have repeatedly assured me it does not), you would need two teams of agents under double-blackbox orders — they receive no information on the SCP, and personnel cleared to know about the SCP know nothing about the other teams.

The first team would, in this scenario, be a honeypot for personnel trying to alter containment procedures. Set up a "containment liaison" for personnel to contact, making sure (of course) that said liaison sees no information other than personnel names. The liaison forwards this information to an independent task force, which tracks down the affected personnel and administers a pre-formulated amnestic regimen.

The second team would handle civilians exposed to the anomaly. Station them somewhere all exposed civilians will pass through (at multiple points if necessary) and tell them to do a standard computer-and-cranium info wipe on everyone who passes through that isn't a guard. CogHaz teams are trained for this sort of thing, so you don't need to worry about accidental exposure.

Naturally, none of this goes in the official SCP file. The totally hypothetical one, of course.

Contact me if you have any further questions,

Dr. Graff