DISCLAIMER: On 8/10/2023, someone replaced the article for SCP-4666 with this. This article is only kept for archive purposes. Whoever was responsible for this will be terminated.

Item #: SCP-4666-J

Object Class: Jolly

Special Containment Procedures: Web traffic and law enforcement channels worldwide are to be monitored for evidence of SCP-4666-J activity so we can help him make sure he spreads Christmas joy everywhere (as long as it meets his overly specific criteria) and doesn’t forget anyone. That would make them sad.

Should a house be missed, which is referred to as a “Scheiße, ich habe es verpasst”1 event, the location of the house that was missed must be revealed to SCP-4666-J at once.

Media coverage of family deaths attributed to SCP-4666-J is, pardon my French, complete bullshit. Any “evidence” that SCP-4666-J has ever harmed anyone is fake and should be incinerated.

Description: SCP-4666-J is a gift-delivering humanoid entity that is made out of pure happiness and Christmas cheer. Those who have witnessed his presence describe it as a sweet and kind elderly normal human who just happens to be 2 meters tall and doesn’t wear anything except for a Christmas-themed hat.

The nature and extent of its anomalous properties remains unknown, however, it does appear to be capable of instantaneous travel to anywhere north of 40°N latitude.

SCP-4666-J is only active during 12 days of the year, from the night of December 21 (or 22 if he feels like it) to the night of January 1-2. During this phase, SCP-4666-J will deliver gifts to everyone north of 40°N latitude who happens to be trapped in their dwelling by snow with a child under the age of 8 in the house in an isolated rural area where no one will hear their screams. Screams of joy, of course. SCP-4666-J would never harm anyone.

SCP-4666-J’s gift delivery consists of the following general progression:

Nights 1-7: Children will report seeing SCP-4666-J prepare their special gifts. He’s not perfect, okay? Thankfully, the surprise isn’t ruined, as they can’t see what the special gift is, and SCP-4666-J will move the gift-making to another spot as soon as it is seen.

Nights 8-11: SCP-4666-J will move to the family’s attic or roof, making a bit of noise. The gift may cause a bad smell to be noticed inside the dwelling. The parents may think they’re being stalked, which is kind of true.

The Twelfth Day Night of Christmas: Over the course of the night, one of two scenarios will occur:

The first, and most common, is that SCP-4666-J will gently make everyone in the family (except for one child under the age of 8) fall asleep, and then give the youngest child a very exclusive and exciting work opportunity. I’m sure it’ll look great on their transcript! In fact, 90% of children given this work opportunity are accepted into an Ivy League school!

If SCP-4666-J is unable to provide the exciting work opportunity, which could be for a variety of reasons, it will leave behind some gifts as compensation. Family members will hear footsteps throughout the night, but there will be no property damage. This happens about 15% of the time.

+ Access Document 4666-J-02496: Log of Notable Gift Deliveries

– hide block

Location
Year
Description
Notes

Somewhere in Croatia

Late 1400s, I think

An entire family received gifts and the youngest child was given an exciting work opportunity. The family liked the gifts and the child later became a famous writer.
The exciting work opportunity was what made him really good at writing.

There was a sign that said "Rupert's Land" somewhere

Sixteen-eighty-something

An entire family received gifts, but one child did not receive a gift because she screamed and jumped out the window. Very disrespectful behavior, if you ask me. Anyway, the youngest child was given an exciting work opportunity and later became a politician or something.
Please do not jump out of the window and alert the entire village if SCP-4666-J enters your home.

Eichstätt, Germany

1913

An entire family received gifts and the youngest child received an exciting work opportunity. One of the neighbors later snitched. What an asshole.
No one likes snitches.

Plyos, Soviet Union
1956
An entire family received gifts, the youngest child received an exciting work opportunity, and SCP-4666-J lit their fireplace for them.
How nice of him.

Skudeneshavn, Norway

1971

An entire family received precisely 39 gifts and the youngest child received an exciting work opportunity.
That's right, 39 entire gifts.

Egilsstaðir, Iceland

1996

An entire family received gifts and the youngest child received an exciting work opportunity. The father received a very nice bucksaw to add to his tool kit.
It was a really high-quality bucksaw.

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+ Access Document 4666-J-96024: Log of Notable Gifts

– hide block

Location
Year
Description
Notes

Nurmes, Finland

1811

A really cool drum. This drum collected dust for a while but was eventually sold to Ringo Starr, one of the drummers for The Beatles.
This drum is why The Beatles were such a good band.

Gelligaer, Wales

1857

A small knife. The knife was made with a magical blade that made any food prepared with it taste really good. This knife was eventually passed down to Gordon Ramsay, who became a very good chef.
There is one side effect: Those who own the knife become very angry when they see subpar cooking.

Mazat, Kazakhstan

1903

A small flute that was NOT made out of a child’s femur. Unfortunately, this flute was taken away because people thought it was made out of a child’s femur.
It was made out of an adult's femur.

Bangor, Michigan
1960
A wooden box with a bunch of cool action figures in it. These cool action figures were eventually passed down to John Cena himself, who played with them when he was a child and became a really skilled and famous wrestler.
He also gained the ability to go invisible from these action figures.

Cape Broyle, Canada

1976

A ball, 23 cm in diameter (because that’s what they use in Canada), made out of 19 layers of plastic. This kid turned it into a hockey puck somehow, and his older brother played with him. The older brother’s name was Wayne Gretzky.
Wayne Gretzky later set 61 NHL records.

Baard, Netherlands

2006

A hairbrush made with Christmas magic. This hairbrush went back in time to October of 1962 and stopped World War 3, which brought millions of people back to life.
The family who received this gift also received 4 new family members because of this.

Discovery: SCP-4666-J was discovered in 1974 when it made a slight fuck-up and accidentally got detected by some “signature recognition program.” It has existed since at least 1498 and tries to deliver gifts to as many dwellings as possible. As long as those dwellings have at least one child under the age of 8, are in an isolated rural area further north than 40°N, and are surrounded by snow that would prevent anyone from leaving the house. With these perfectly normal criteria, its record is 5 in a night. SCP-4666-J leaves fingerprints everywhere, which is a huge liability. It is working on potentially obtaining gloves.

Addendum 4666-J-01:

On the night of 1/2/2018, SCP-4666-J accidentally left his bag of gifts at a house in Hoonah, Alaska. This bag had a child in it who had accidentally climbed into the gift bag while at work. They ended up having to go to the hospital due to unfortunate circumstances that had nothing to do with SCP-4666-J. This child was interviewed by a Foundation researcher. Here is the transcript of the interview.

+ Access Audio Log 4666-J-666 (scary number)

– hide block

Note: I do not know Russian, so I used something called "Google Translate."

Interviewed: A Disgruntled Employee (D.E.)

Interviewer: Some Foundation agent who wears sunglasses indoors like an idiot

<Begin Log>

Agent Wearing Sunglasses Indoors: Hello, I'm Anthony. Who is your name?

D.E.: Are you… are you going to take me to hell?

Agent Wearing Sunglasses Indoors: Maybe not. I'm here to talk to you.

D.E.: I don't want to go there.

Agent Wearing Sunglasses Indoors: No, you're safe now, mouse.

D.E.: (stays silent because she was called a mouse and that is very insulting)

Agent Wearing Sunglasses Indoors: What happened inside your house on that night?

D.E.: I know everything.

The rest of the interview is entirely comprised of slander. You do NOT become the toys if you can't make the toys. That is fake news.2

<End Log>

Addendum 4666-J-02:

On the night of 1/2/2024, a Weissnacht event resulted in the death of a family of 5 in Reykjavik, Iceland, with the youngest child being abducted. Meanwhile, at the neighbor's house, the youngest child went missing3 and some strange gifts were found. These gifts included Christmas-themed socks, an Olive Garden gift card4, and a note saying "I hope y'all enjoy these gifts, sorry my asshole brother whacked your neighbors." However, most importantly of all, a book titled "Learn Russian in 5 seconds" was found by the Christmas tree. After 5 seconds of reading it, every member of the household suddenly became fluent in Russian, even though none of them had ever known how to speak it. This book has been confiscated.

You know, I'm actually fine with what happened to my neighbors. Can't complain to the HOA if you're dead, да?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀-Jón Smith5, resident of the home that may have been visited by SCP-4666-J.

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Due to the similarities this incident has with SCP-4666-J's "gift delivery," this article, previously marked as vandalism, has been unarchived.