We strongly encourage all staff to regularly ask themselves: “Does it make sense for me to have achieved what’s been attributed to me?”

If the answer is no, you may be eligible for semiotic compensation.

Item #: SCP-7575

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: Testing of SCP-7575 is prohibited. Any individual authorized to view this document may not physically view SCP-7575. If possible, all actions performed by personnel with access to this file are to be logged in ERDC-7575. Please analyze peer or self-attributed accomplishments for individualistic/egoistic plausibility.

Description: SCP-7575 is a small1 metallic2 cube3 previously filed as a minor anomalous object.4 SCP-7575 constantly emits a low, droning sound.5 Object was discovered after having landed in an isolated forest near Great Slave Lake, Canada6, presumably from extraterrestrial orbit.7

SCP-7575 was discovered following a series of routine tests performed on anomalous objects. Subsequent events led to the conclusion of several indirectly observed/confirmed sentient entities being unaccounted-for personnel.8

The Foundation became aware of additional anomalous properties following the semi-accidental discovery of an Extra-Reality Data Cache (ERDC-7575) by Dr. , now known as , with assistance by , 9, and .

Stored inside the cache was a database of over 247,000 entries detailing mundane actions and activities carried out by a collective team of 12 supposed Foundation personnel, led by , . The circumstances that led to the creation of the cache and the team are unknown10, however, it was within the cache that additional information regarding SCP-7575 became known.11

SCP-7575 imposes a known/unknown set of criteria upon all sapient12 concepts. Following the fulfillment of these criteria, an individual's existence and direct cumulative existential consequences will be erased from reality13, and be replaced14 by alternative causal routing. A small number of these criteria are known utilizing the final entries15 of each of the personnel detailed in ERDC-7575. These include:

Viewing SCP-7575.

Possessing knowledge of SCP-7575's appearance.

Viewing SCP-7575's documentation.

Possessing knowledge of SCP-7575's origin.

Counting to 377.

Having been a passenger of an automobile.16

Playing a game of chess using an illegitimate codified ruleset.

Drinking a cup of room temperature coffee.

Visiting the unincorporated town of , .

Shaking 's hand.

Committing murder.

Deleting a .pdf file authored by .17

Addendum: Following the of , the aforementioned list of known qualifiers has been deemed inaccurate.18

Footnotes

1. Do not verify without authorization.

2. Do not verify without authorization.

3. Do not verify without authorization.

4. Do not verify without authorization.

5. Do not verify without authorization.

6. Do not verify without authorization. Previous/simultaneous locations of discovery include Omsk, Russia, Eugene, Oregon, and the nonexistent census-designated area of Portsmouth, Wales.

7. SCP-7575 can occasionally be retrocausally discovered in retail stores and inheritances.

8. Do not verify without authorization.

9. Possibly deceased. Proposed prelococausal identities include .

10. Do not verify without authorization.

11. SCP-7575 was discovered included in a cache of anomalous objects bequeathed to the Foundation by an unknown third party.

12. Analysis of power usage suggests the absence of SCP- and SCP- .

13. We do not know where they go.

14. Do not verify without authorization.

15. Largely speculative but associated with a partially comprehensible set of SCP-7575 criteria.

16. Requires primary semantic conceptual perception of the vehicle as an automobile, not a car, truck, sedan, or any semantic-causally related concept.

17. Exact nature unknown. Hypothesized to result in a tangential causative relation between unrelated concepts.

18. Budgetary discrepancies indicate a fiscal absence of approximately 450 personnel.

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