PlaguePJP & J Dune: XLIII

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by PlaguePJP & J Dune

SCP-8597 — your month, your guy

Item#: 8597

Containment Class: euclid

Secondary Class: {$secondary-class}

Disruption Class: {$disruption-class}

Risk Class: {$risk-class}

SCP-8597 starting slide.

Special Containment Procedures: Upon discovery of an active SCP-8597 instance, standard online content removal procedures are to be carried out by Foundation Web-Crawler-TT-01 “Shou Chew’s Revenge.” Standard amnesticization protocols are to follow should a member of the public encounter an instance of SCP-8597-1.

Description: SCP-8597 is a slideshow uploaded to social media and content application TikTok.

SCP-8597 is thirteen images long. Upon viewing, a looping 30-second audio clip of Claude Debussy's Clair De Lune will play. The first slide is dedicated to a title card reading "your month, your guy," followed by twelve images. Each depicts an instance of SCP-8597-1, as well as its name and individual characteristics.

SCP-8597-1 is a group of twelve anomalous entities correlated to a month of the year that spontaneously appear upon viewing SCP-8597. The viewer’s birth month is the determining factor in which of the twelve entities will manifest.

For an SCP-8597-1 instance to materialize, a user must have the slide corresponding to their birth month opened for over 60 seconds. The title card also specifies that users "believe hard;" though there is no evidence linking a user's belief and the likelihood of an SCP-8597-1 manifestation. A user's SCP-8597-1 instance will remain within their vicinity as long as SCP-8597 is actively open on a user's device.

Should a user scroll away from SCP-8597, close the application, or shut their device off, the SCP-8597-1 instance will violently explode. Among the blood and viscera, a piece of paper will be left in place of the entity, containing only a text-based "sad face" emoticon.1 Users can remanifest their corresponding SCP-8597-1 instance by following the manifestation parameters above.

Addendum 8597.1: SCP-8597-1 Instances

SCP-8597-1A | January

SCP-8597-1B | February

SCP-8597-1C | March

SCP-8597-1D | April

SCP-8597-1E | May

SCP-8597-1F | June

SCP-8597-1G | July

SCP-8597-1H | August

SCP-8597-1I | September

SCP-8597-1J | October

SCP-8597-1K | November

SCP-8597-1L | December

january

bicurious frank

- ooh ooh aah aah

- pees on stuff to claim it

- fiscal conservative

Description: SCP-8597-1A is a golden snub-nosed monkey (Rhinopithecus roxellana) enveloped in pink, purple, and blue colored light, commonly referred to as “bisexual lighting” in popular colloquialisms. SCP-8597-1A's lighting effect also carries to its general surroundings within a one-meter vicinity.

SCP-8597-1A's intelligence is similar to the level of a human child between the ages of 6 and 11. While it can not speak, the entity can write in short, scribbled, albeit legible, sentences. It often does this to convince the user who manifested it to purchase financial investments, namely Gamestop and Tesla Motors stock, as well as several cryptocurrencies.

SCP-8597-1A has shown great discomfort with its “bicurious” moniker, asking to be referred to as “just frank pls”, and frantically apologizing to Foundation staff for “shoving it down ur throats”. This apparent stress has caused SCP-8597-1A to hyperventilate and pass out on multiple occasions.

february

squid jame(s)

- korean

- reverse aquaman

- will share his paramount+ password

Description: SCP-8597-1B is a Caribbean reef squid (Sepioteuthis sepioidea). SCP-8597-1B is capable of respirating air and limited vocalization in the Korean language, sonically comparable to that of an elderly male.

SCP-8597-1B’s vocal capabilities have been transcribed and translated below.

”Do you have Paramount+?”

”It has every episode of Star Trek under one umbrella for the first time in entertainment history.”

”At $5.99 per month with limited commercial interruptions, it is an affordable service compared to other streaming platforms.”

”The DVD box set of Star Trek: Voyager used to cost upwards of $200.”

”Over 45,000 episodes and movies all under one umbrella for the first time in entertainment history.”

”The future of the Star Trek franchise is entirely dependent on the success of Paramount+.”

Attempts to extend conversation with SCP-8597-1B beyond these phrases have invariably failed.

Attempts have been made to let SCP-8597-1B share its Paramount+ login information, however, it has become understood that SCP-8597-1B does not know how to read nor use a keyboard regardless of language.

march

orb

- wise (ask him questions he'll know the answer)

- can sing unreleased beatles songs

- do NOT feed after midnight

Description: SCP-8597-1C is a large, floating, luminescent sphere capable of speech in English. SCP-8597-1C will only speak when prompted with a question. Below are researchers' attempts to document the prescient abilities insinuated in SCP-8597-1C's slide.

Prompt
Response

What are today's winning lottery numbers?
"Have you heard Tomorrow by the Beatles?"

What time is it right now?
"Have you heard There Goes The Moon by the Beatles?"

Can you understand me? Say anything other than a non-existent Beatles song, if you understand me.
"Have you heard I Do Not Want To Touch Your Feet by the Beatles?"

Researchers have heeded the warning in the SCP-8597 slideshow. However, SCP-8597-1C has no mouth or orifice where sustenance could be inserted.

april

floppy joe

- a fish

- can swim when in water

- breathes water

Description: SCP-8597-1D is a Black sea bass (Centropristis striata). Upon manifestation, SCP-8597-1D will asphyxiate unless the user is in a non-chlorinated body of water during its manifestation.

SCP-8597-1D has no discernable anomalous properties.

may

lemon devin

- literary enthusiast

- life of the party

- likes to ski (wink)

Description: SCP-8597-1E is a lemon that constantly and loudly emits a variety of EDM songs by musician John Summit. Should cocaine be placed on or near SCP-8597-1C, an appropriately sized pair of sunglasses will appear on its "face" for 15-30 minutes.

The music SCP-8597-1E produces can be muted when it is given access to the Vice.com editorial archives circa 1998-2006. During this activity, SCP-8597-1E will occasionally interupt its readings to vocalize that “Vice used to be so fucking good, man.”

june

my guy abe

- has court-mandated anger management classes every thursday

- no car

- addicted to paypal's "pay in 4" program

- all around nice guy

Description: SCP-8597-1F is a humanoid entity resembling Gritty, the mascot of the NHL's Philadelphia Flyers. All efforts to remove this costume have been fruitless. SCP-8597-1F is capable of speech in English. Interactions with SCP-8597-1F follow a consistent pattern, as seen in the below transcript.

TRANSCRIPT

SCP-8597-1F: Can you give me a ride?

Rsr. Hoover: Where?

SCP-8597-1F: I need to go to court.

Rsr. Hoover: Which court?

SCP-8597-1F: I have my classes. I need to go to court.

Rsr. Hoover: Which court?

SCP-8597-1F: The one with my classes.

Rsr. Hoover: I need you to help me out here.

SCP-8597-1F: If you're gonna be an asshole, just say no.

Rsr. Hoover: I'm asking you a simple question.

SCP-8597-1F: I'll violate my terms if I miss a class.

Rsr. Hoover: Where are the fucking classes?

SCP-8597-1F: Court.

Rsr. Hoover: Now, it's a no.

(SCP-8597-1F punches a hole in the wall.)

SCP-8597-1F: One.

SCP-8597-1F: Two.

SCP-8597-1F will then follow closely behind the user that manifested it, counting up from one and breathing deeply between each number.

july

syndicated mitch

- has all ten seasons of friends built-in

- great sense of humor

- chandler irl

- has all ten seasons of friends built-in

Description: SCP-8597-1G is a CRT television that continuously plays episodes of Friends (1994) regardless of whether it is connected to a power source. Every line of dialogue is followed by the episode being paused and SCP-8597-1G making sounds akin to hysteric laughing for up to 10 seconds before resuming the program.

Following the death of actor Matthew Perry on 2023/10/28, SCP-8597-1G has reacted to all dialogue delivered by the character Chandler with intense, protracted screaming before continuing the episode.

august

uncle kingy

- in debt

- has an iconic catchphrase

- thousands of dollars in casino comps

- wanna go play the ponies kid

Description: SCP-8597-1H is a humanoid entity resembling Italian-American actor Frank Vincent.

If prompted to say its “iconic catchphrase”, SCP-8597-1H will declare that it is “time to fucking gamble!”, before disappearing alongside the subject. Upon reappearing seconds later, subjects will report having spent up a prolonged period of time— ranging from a day to three weeks— with SCP-8597-1H in a sprawling casino environment. Activities did not divert from watching SCP-8597-1H repeatedly and invariably lose at a variety of games before being forcibly ejected from the premises and reappearing in baseline reality.

Upon using wi-fi connected devices following SCP-8597-1H’s manifestation, the subject will find that money from any connected banking accounts has been deposited into the DraftKings Sportsbook website.

september

unsophisticated doug

- what a guy

- real winner

- living legend

- has a shitty brother

Description: SCP-8597-1I is an inanimate statue resembling a bald humanoid. Subjects viewing SCP-8597-1I will invariably form an extremely favorable opinion of the object.

Rsr. Hoover: Hey, Dougmeister! How’s it hanging?

(SCP-8597-1I stands in silence, looking amazing.)

Rsr. Hoover: That’s great man! I’m doing swell myself. Thanks for asking!

(SCP-8597-1I does not respond, but that’s just fine!)

Rsr. Hoover: Hah hah! You’re the man, Doug!

Researcher's Note: Doug's brother is a real prick.

october

zhi peng (志鹏)

- stands in the village all day (what does he do)

- gives horrendous loot

- i do not need any more iridescent skipping stones

- dipshit

Description: SCP-8597-1J is a humanoid entity resembling a Chinese peasant from the Han dynasty period. It has not been observed to move from its point of manifestation, instead electing to remain idle until engaged by an individual. If engaged, SCP-8597-1J will ask that the individual assist them in completing a task. SCP-8597-1J converses in Chinese.

The nature of these requests vary incidentally, but typically require the individual to retrieve one or more items to then bring back to SCP-8597-1J. Upon completion, SCP-8597-1J will reward the individual.

A table of example tasks has been recorded below.

Request
Reward

SCP-8597-1J requested that the subject collect 22 sticks.
Upon retrieving the objects from the exterior of the site, SCP-8597-1J presented the subject with a bundle of wool.

SCP-8597-1J requested that the subject corral 4 wild boar, each having suddenly manifested upon the Site-322 premises.
Task accomplished with minimal collateral damage. SCP-8597-1J presented the subject with a chrysanthemum flower.

SCP-8597-1J requested that the subject slay “Fucanglong, Underworld Divine General”.
A massive entity resembling a black-scaled dragon as stylized in Chinese mythology manifested inside a subterranean chamber underneath Site-322. The Site was thrown into immediate lockdown while an appropriate Mobile Task Force was secured for deployment. Upon the target’s neutralization, SCP-8597-1J presented the subject with a small wooden cartridge containing a silver powder, which, according to the entity, “can be used alongside a crafting kit to create arrowheads”. The Foundation has yet to ascertain a use for this item. Completion of this task yielded 15 casualties.

Continued testing of SCP-8597-1J has been suspended until further notice.

november

big maggie

- always there for you

- real sweetheart

- cutie pie

- running a bit late

Description: SCP-8597-1K is a Peterbilt 389 semi-trailer truck. SCP-8597-1K’s manifestation is delayed, instead appearing at an indeterminate point within 24 hours of viewing the slide under appropriate conditions. Manifestation occurs within a 1 km radius of the subject’s current position, typically on a nearby road. SCP-8597-1K will then rapidly accelerate towards the subject with enhanced force, demolishing any objects, structures, or individuals in the way of its path. Upon making physical contact with the subject, SCP-8597-1K will then de-manifest. Any destruction or damage caused by the entity— including casualties— will be reversed and nullified upon its disappearance.

december

unsophisticated craig

- buffoon

- absolute fool

- waste of space

- has a really cool brother

Description: SCP-8597-1L is an animated clay sculpture resembling a nondescript ape beating a shield with a bat. It causes all nearby people to insult and laugh at it; it will beat the shield with the bat a number of times depending on how malicious the insult is.

Insult
SCP-8597-1L Reaction

"Fucking idiot"
SCP-8597-1L beats the shield twice.

"I hope everything you do fails. I hope every woman you meet views you with disgust. I wish nothing but pain and horror for you. I hope all goes wrong for the rest of your life and I will follow to the ends of the Earth to watch the shitshow you are."
SCP-8597-1L beats the shield once.

"Kill yourself"
SCP-8597-1L beats the shield eighteen times.

Addendum 8597.2: Incident 8597-Alpha

On November 24th, 2022, Junior Researcher Francesco White (born February 29th, 1992), performed a standard test with SCP-8597. Despite pulling the slide corresponding to his birth month, no SCP-8597 entity manifested. Instead, White's phone crashed due to overheating.

Over the course of an hour, White's stomach became incredibly distended and bloated. He was sent to the Site infirmary, where nurses noted White's body temperature was 10 degrees below baseline. Attempts were made to sedate White, all of which failed, and his assertions of intense pain became continuous screaming as the mass grew larger. The mass squirmed violently within White before throwing him off the bed into a kneeling position. The mass could be seen moving up White's digestive tract, causing extreme distension to his chest and neck that should have sent White into unconsciousness or proven fatal. White expelled a black, viscous fluid from his mouth, followed by two hand-like implements attached to a 25-pound, amorphous blob of flesh, hair tissue, teeth, and eyeballs.

White subsequently passed out but made a full recovery. When his phone was powered back on, he accessed SCP-8597 again, which displayed a single slide.

Repeated testing on subjects born on the Leap Day (February 29th) has resulted in the same or similar outcomes.

Footnotes

1. :(

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