Item #: SCP-6491

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-6491 is to be held in a standard containment unit. SCP-6491 is to be fed a diet consisting primarily of vegetables. If necessary for testing purposes, microscopic recording equipment is to be implanted within SCP-6491's food. Instances of Byproduct-6491 produced by SCP-6491 are to be sanitized, inspected, and disposed of upon production.

Description: SCP-6491 is an average dragon1, lacking distinguishing features that would draw attention. SCP-6491 had been in the possession of Mitch Rustle for approximately two months before its anomalous properties gained attention.

SCP-6491 is capable of producing an unknown vegetable from its mouth, titled Byproduct-6491. Byproduct-6491 appears similar to Cucumis sativus2, though it is notably sour, curved, and covered in swellings. Traces of an acidic compound have been found both on Byproduct-6491 and within SCP-6491's mouth. Foundation personnel have so far been unable to grow replicas of Byproduct-6491.

Mr. Rustle has described SCP-6491 as being "peaceful but distant." SCP-6491 appears unaffected by its anomalous ability, believed to be a lifelong phenomenon. While SCP-6491 itself does not attract attention, researchers are unsure as to how its abilities have only recently been discovered.

Mr. Rustle is currently housed with SCP-6491 in order to determine if he has been affected by its abilities.

Recording Log-6491-1:

Present: Mitch Rustle, SCP-6491

Foreword: The day following containment of SCP-6491, a researcher who wishes to leave their name unmentioned discovered documents in their office to have been severely disturbed. Security camera footage revealed that SCP-6491 had slipped out of its containment chamber and into the researcher's office, the door of which had been left open3. SCP-6491 returned to its containment chamber carrying selected documents in its mouth. The following audio log from SCP-6491's chamber, beginning immediately after SCP-6491's return, reveals the cause of these actions.

<Begin Log>

Mr. Rustle: Find anything interesting?

Sound of SCP-6491 placing the documentation on the floor.

SCP-6491: Reading material.

Mr. Rustle: Huh. What kind?

SCP-6491: They appear to be scientific logs of some sort. This place houses many strange things, I suppose.

As Mr. Rustle sifts through the papers, SCP-6491 curls up on the floor.

Mr. Rustle: Let's see… aren't you gonna take a closer look, Cucumber4?

SCP-6491: No.

Mr. Rustle: Why'd you bring these if you didn't find them interesting?

SCP-6491: I brought them because I thought you would find them interesting.

Mr. Rustle continues to sift through the documents.

Mr. Rustle: …So none of these caught your attention?

SCP-6491: No.

Mr. Rustle: Just when I thought I'd pinned down your tastes. What exactly is it you like?

SCP-6491: Cucumbers.

Mr. Rustle: Wh- no- I'm talking about reading.

SCP-6491: I like that too.

Mr. Rustle: Can you give me a straight answer already?

SCP-6491: …Repeat the question.

Mr. Rustle rubs his head.

SCP-6491: No need to be so impatient. I think we will be here for some time. Perhaps we'll finally get to know each other. (There's certainly a lot on our minds, though we're rarely able to say it out loud. Of course, I'm refusing to describe this very thought right here, so I'm being hypocritical.)

Mr. Rustle sighs.

Mr. Rustle: What do you like to read?

SCP-6491: …I like reading about what is inexplicable.

Mr. Rustle: So why aren't you interested in this? It's as inexplicable as it gets.

SCP-6491: It is. I suppose. It's… it's because of how it's written.

Mr. Rustle: Uh huh…?

SCP-6491: …See, you and many others would be amazed by what you would read about here, and that is of course not a problem. Maybe I've been around too long5, but many subject matters feel simply done to me. "I've seen it all," and so on. And even if I haven't seen it, it's just added to a long list of those things I have seen.

Mr. Rustle: Go on.

SCP-6491: Well… that feeling really begins to set in when a topic is discussed in a scientific matter. Even that which is inexplicable is boiled down to simple cause-and-effect, until it feels as mundane as gravity. That's why I like stories like Gogol's "The Nose" see? One of my favorites. A man's nose disappears and then reappears in the strangest of circumstances. How? Why? We don't know. We don't need to know. What matters is what the nose means to Kovalev. All of a sudden, the world no longer works like he thinks it does.

Mr. Rustle: Didn't know you were such a literary critic.

SCP-6491: You never asked about it. And it's, well…

Mr. Rustle: …You're not embarrassed, are you?

SCP-6491 snorts.

SCP-6491: Despite everything I just said, "The Nose" is just fun for me to read at the end of the day. All I did was dig into why I feel that way. Anyone can do it. Go on, just talk about what reading means to you.

Mr. Rustle: Cucumber, remember why you asked me to show you the library? There were no books in my house.

SCP-6491: Well, fiction in general. You watch TV. You go to the movies. Despite how… loud they are.

Mr. Rustle: …I can't phrase it as good as you do.

SCP-6491: Oh shush. As far as I'm concerned we're of equal intelligence. I'm not even that well-informed, I'm just very experienced with communicating. Did you know there was a time when I would have been locked in here not because of a vegetable, but because I'm a dragon?

Mr. Rustle: Hm? How come?

SCP-6491: There was a time when- (a dragon was considered as non-existent as a sour cucumber. I think the first person I saw nearly killed me in a panic when I met them while they were making dinner. They very much threw everything that was close at hand at me. You remember that I tend to shiver when I see any sort of kitchen utensil. Anyway, I quickly learned to talk and could calm down just about anyone I met. And of course, those people spoke to other people, and they to others, until, I suppose, almost everyone on the planet has heard me at least once in passing. Maybe they've even seen some of those friendly photographs I've been in. So now, while this might be the first time I've been taken in for what loosely resembles a scientific study, a dragon has become only as shocking as one of those giant spiders from Australia. Someone might jump in surprise, but then I just become a weird thing they saw during their day. And of course the past century I think has numbed people to surprises. 100 years of shock after shock after shock, wars and inventions and rapidly accelerating mass communication, I don't know how the hell you people still consider anything normal.)

<End Log>

Afterword: Containment breach personnel arrived at this point to retrieve the stolen documents. No instances of Byproduct-6491 were discovered to have breached containment. Researchers decided to conduct an immediate security review in light of this incident.

Recording Log-6491-2:

Present: Foundation Researcher Bax Bolgovo, Security Officer Jeanna Smithun

Foreword: The following is a discussion between Foundation Dr. Bolgovo and Mrs. Smithun regarding what is required for SCP-6491's containment. Recorded for posterity.

<Begin Log>

Dr. Bolgovo: After Mr. Rustle has been removed, the heat in SCP-6491's chamber should be increased to forty degrees Celsius. Place another security lock on the door. Not the type A, since that one is already installed. There are no windows this deep in the building, are there? No that's right, there aren't… consider solar-proofing the room anyway. An acidic-disposal team should be on standby here at all times as well. Do you have all of this so far?

Mrs. Smithun: …Yes sir.

Dr. Bolgovo: Okay. Now, extreme caution should be used when entering SCP-6491's chamber. Their eyes should be closed as the door opens. Everyone present should take a careful sniff of the air within the chamber. If a single personnel detects what smells like vinegar or spice, they should verbally declare this observation to the rest of the group. One person should open their eyes and scan SCP-6491's chamber for an instance of Byproduct-6491. If observed, and if researchers are not planning on performing testing, all present byproduct should be placed in an acidic disposal container and be allowed to dissolve.

Mrs. Smithun: Sir?

Dr. Bolgovo: Yes?

Mrs. Smithun: Are these steps necessary for containing a dragon?

Dr. Bolgovo: Have you been recently transferred here?

Mrs. Smithun: Yes sir.

Dr. Bolgovo: I see. So you are inexperienced.

Mrs. Smithun audibly drums two of her prosthetic fingers against her prosthetic leg.

Mrs. Smithun: I've simply not been assigned to the containment of a dragon before, sir.

Dr. Bolgovo: Well that would be impossible, since this is the only one we're aware of.

Silence for three seconds.

Mrs. Smithun: …Sir, I've read the containment document before coming here. This entity is described as being an average dragon, sir.

Dr. Bolgovo sniffs.

Dr. Bolgovo: Okay. I will explain how averages work. Let's say we have a group of one dragon that weighs 30 kilograms. The sum total weight of all the dragons measured adds up to 30 kilograms. If we divide that by the total number of dragons we have (that being one), the quotient we are left with is 30. Therefore, the average dragon is 30 kilograms.

Mrs. Smithun: Sir, I severely do not understand why you are-

Dr. Bolgovo: We deal with the anomalous, so you will have to get used to things you do not understand. Now please remove Mr. Rustle from the facility.

Mrs. Smithun drums her fingers again.

Mrs. Smithun: (I've thought before that it's possible the inmates will take over this asylum someday. For the first time, sir, I feel as though they already have. And I am not seeing the bedlam that I expected. I don't know if that's comforting or not. Does this mean my job will continue as it always has? Or will the chaos break out one day? Overall, I'm uncertain. I don't know if order has broken down, if order never was, or if order has always been this way. I think all I can do is try to remain a neutral force and do what I'm asked to do to keep this place running. Does removing Mr. Rustle help me do that? I don't know. But doing what you ask is the only thing that makes sense now. Maybe this is a coward's way of doing it. But I can't imagine the brave way of living when there is no longer anything to be afraid of.) Of course, sir.

<End Log>

Afterword: The increase in security around SCP-6491's chamber began immediately after this discussion.

Recording-Log-6491-3:

Present: Mr. Rustle, Mrs. Smithun

Foreword: The following was recorded while Mrs. Smithun was escorting Mr. Rustle to be amnesticized.

<Begin Log>

The door to SCP-6491's chamber shuts and locks.

Mrs. Smithun: This way. To the left, please.

Footsteps.

Mr. Rustle: …Where're we going.

Footsteps.

Mr. Rustle: …Are you guys gonna release Cucumber?

Footsteps.

Mr. Rustle: …Am I gonna go back to their cell?

Mrs. Smithun: I'm sorry, I don't have any answers for you.

Footsteps.

Mr. Rustle: You're a guard. You gotta know something.

Mrs. Smithun: I can't share containment procedures with civilians.

Mr. Rustle: Can you at least tell why this needs to be locked up?

Mrs. Smithun: …No. Turn left again.

Footsteps.

Mr. Rustle: …They like to read.

Footsteps.

Mr. Rustle: They like cucumbers. They'll want a comfy place to sleep.

Mrs. Smithun: Turn left.

Footsteps.

Mr. Rustle: …That's all I know. They haven't lived with me for very long. I was nice to them, they were nice to me, but overall… we've mostly been like roommates who've stayed out of each other's way. I think the talk we had in the cell was the deepest we've ever discussed things.

Mrs. Smithun: Left.

Footsteps.

Mr. Rustle: I know you're recording this. Get this to Cucumber, can you? Please. Let him know that to me- (a story is nothing but "cause-and-effect". I mean, someone makes certain types of people and puts them in a certain type of situation. Because they are the people they are, they react in a certain way. And from there, they're pushed into another situation, and another, and… you know. I could never get into the stuff Cucumber reads since it feels like it's just happening without a cause, you know?… But I guess right now… I don't know why any of this is happening. I don't see a beginning when things were just kinda set in motion. I'm… I feel stupid.)

Mrs. Smithun: We're here.

Silence for three seconds.

Mr. Rustle: If Cucumber needs something, they'll let you know. Just… take care of them.

Mrs. Smithun: …We will contain the anomaly.

<End Log>

Afterword: Mr. Rustle was soon returned to his home.

Recording-Log-6491-4:

Present: Dr. Bolgovo, SCP-6491

Foreword: On 08/20/2021, Dr. Bolgovo entered SCP-6491's chamber to perform testing on an instance of Byproduct-6491. The following was recorded during that time.

<Begin Log>

Door opens. SCP-6491 loudly exhales.

SCP-6491: I will be perfectly honest, Mitch… I know I've been apathetic to you since we met. But for the short time that they've separated us, I believe I've-

Dr. Bolgovo: I have opened SCP-6491's chamber.

SCP-6491 raises its head.

SCP-6491: …Hm. I was mistaken.

Dr. Bolgovo sniffs.

Dr. Bolgovo: I have detected the faint scent of vinegar. (It is difficult to describe smell. When we touch something, we can say it feels "soft," "rough," "glossy," "damp," etcetera. When we taste something, it tastes "sweet," "salty," "sour," and so on. When we smell something, the words we have aren't nearly as intuitive. We often describe a scent as simply what it is. "This smells like cookies." "That smells like a swamp." There are exceptions, but ultimately, our sense of smell is an instantaneous reaction to what is in front of us. It is what it is, that's all.)

SCP-6491: Yes. To me, that could be the strangest thing about these food products I've expelled. Some fruits are acidic, but to my knowledge I've never heard of a vegetable with such intense-

Dr. Bolgovo: I have located an instance of Byproduct-6491 approximately three feet within the chamber.

SCP-6491: Are you even listening to me?

Dr. Bolgovo: I am approaching the byproduct.

Slow footsteps.

SCP-6491: …It's a shame. I've been very much wondering about what exactly it is you people do.

Dr. Bolgovo: I am slowly crouching so that the instance is within arm's reach.

SCP-6491: Do you plan on only containing what is inexplicable? Do you actively try to understand it? Or do you try to explain it?

Dr. Bolgovo: I am opening my carrier.

SCP-6491: I don't particularly care which one it is. I think this is all absurd regardless.

Dr. Bolgovo: I have taken out my scalpel.

SCP-6491: You don't seem to care much either, but I promise I don't mean that as an insult.

Dr. Bolgovo: I have removed a sample of the instance.

SCP-6491: I am perhaps using this word wrong, but there's an irony here. The absurdity is what I found most interesting about those documents. It's not how you lock it up, not how it works, not how much it makes sense.

Dr. Bolgovo: I have removed the microscope from my carrier and have placed the sample under the lens.

SCP-6491: It is what you and your fellow researchers don't grasp that stood out to me.

Silence for five seconds.

Dr. Bolgovo: Just as hypothesized, instances of Byproduct-6491 are simple cucumbers that have been submersed within a preservative for an extended period of time.

SCP-6491: There is, anyway, a problem that comes with trying to wrap your mind around it all at once.

Dr. Bolgovo: This, however, raises more questions. Human civilization has grown in no small part due to food preservation. Placing produce and vinegar in a jar is no complex experiment. While there are other ways of preserving food, it is nearly impossible to imagine a world where we have made it this far without having discovered this simple method. We have always needed our agriculture to remain fresh for as long as possible.

SCP-6491: That's the moment when everything really falls apart.

Dr. Bolgovo: So how are we existing right now? Why did this simple scientific process seem immediately anomalous to even higher Foundation researchers?

Dr. Bolgovo's Nose: Beats me.

The sound of footsteps grows quieter until, presumably, Dr. Bolgovo's nose left the facility.

SCP-6491 snorts.

<End Log>

Footnotes

1. That is, approximately 30 kilograms in weight, and 110 centimeters in length.

2. Cucumber.

3. The researcher has been reprimanded for this lack of security.

4. Cucumber is what Mr. Rustle has named SCP-6491.

5. Testing suggests SCP-6491 is around 135 years old, which makes the recent discovery of its anomalous abilities even more baffling.