SCP-1294-J: Watering-down Can

Author: aismallard

Image credit: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Watering_can.JPG

Thanks to wctaiwan, Rex Atlas, Rounderhouse, magnadeus for their critiques.

SCP-1294-J

Item #: SCP-1294-J

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1294-J is to be kept in an anomalous item locker when not being used for testing. Oak wood restraints painted cyan and reinforced with lead-telekill-iron-oxide alloy have been attached to the object to prevent spills.

At least four Level-2 and two Level-3 security personnel are to guard the vault to prevent theft. One D-class (currently D-41562) is to prepare and consume Earl Grey tea from SCP-1294-J once daily under pain of termination and/or revocation of shower privileges. Despite SCP-1294-J posing no threat of containment breach if simply left alone, its object class has been upgraded to Euclid for dramatic effect.

Description: SCP-1294-J is appears to be (see Addendum 1294-J-2) a light green plastic watering can. The object is capable of dispensing an unlimited amount of water when poured from its spout, and consuming an unlimited amount of liquid when poured into its top opening. The object is impervious to damage, and all attempts to destroy it (see Document 1294-08, termination testing) have resulted in failure and short-circuited electronics. Personnel have reported that drinking from SCP-1294-J tastes "wet" and "water-like".

SCP-1294-J was created in 19██ by Ralph Green, designated PoI-1111, after [RELEVANT DATA EXPUNGED], which resulted in ███ cases of [REDACTED]. After numerous casualties, the object was successfully contained at Site-01. An exception to "green site status" was made for this anomaly due to its ability to provide water for the site, reducing the risk of a poisoned water supply or drought, and also because the anomaly is green. However, as A-class personnel are prohibited from coming into contact with anomalies, water from regular sources is used instead.

Addendum 1294-J-1: Recovery Log

Foreword: Mobile Task Force Beta-14 ("O5-7's Antique Roadshow Collectors") was assigned to retrieve SCP-1294-J from its location of discovery.

<Begin Log>

Alpha: Check? Check? Hello, this is Alpha, MTF-B-14's commander, Agent Frank Earnest reporting in. We've been assigned to go and collect SCP-1294-J. We're all set, ready to deploy. Read off your call signs!

Beta: This is Beta, reporting in.

Delta: This is Delta. All set to go, I'm..

Alpha: Stop Delta, we gotta go in order. Start over. I'm Alpha, the commander, Agent Frank Earnest.

Beta: This is Beta, Danielle Lee.

Gamma: Gamma, ready to deploy sir.

Delta: Delta again, all prepared and ready to go!

Epsilon: This is Epsilon, all set.

Alpha: Ok, looks like we're all here. Let's deploy.

The task force approaches the building.

Alpha: We've approached the building. Gonna break in, three, two, one…

Task force enters building, retrieves SCP-1294-J without incident. Members extracted by helicopter.

Beta: Good work guys, job well done.

<End Log>

Addendum 1294-J-2: Interview Log

Interviewee: PoI-1111, a.k.a. Ralph Green

Interviewer: Researcher Sarah Person

Location: Site-██ Interrogation Room #███

Date: ████/██/██ ██:██:██

Time since subject had breakfast: ██ hours

<Begin Log>

Researcher Person: Hello Mr. Green. How are you doing today?

PoI-1111 laughs.

PoI-1111: Finally, my presence is recognized. Please, do sit down.

Researcher Person: I am already seated.

PoI-1111: Quite excellent. Are you having a fine day? Extraordinary weather we've been having.

Researcher Person: Why did you create SCP-1294-J?

PoI-1111: SC-what now?

Researcher Person: You know, the watering can.

PoI-1111: Why don't you just call it that?

Researcher Person: That is potentially ambiguous. Please tell us about its creation.

PoI-1111: Fine. A long time ago, I was in dire need you see, dire need.

Researcher Person: In need of what?

PoI-1111: It was a dark and stormy night, dark, rolling clouds overhead, occasionally interrupted by bright lightning, seeming to shake the firmament itself. Rain fell as if to cause a second great flood.

Researcher Person: I see, so you needed an umbrella.

PoI-1111: Precisely.

Researcher Person: SCP-1294-J is not an umbrella.

PoI-1111: Ah! It appears to not be an umbrella.

Researcher Person: So it is an umbrella?

PoI-1111: If it is used correctly, indeed.

Researcher Person: Can you clarify?

PoI-1111 laughs and strokes his chin.

PoI-1111: Oh, so foolish. You Foundation folk shall never understand the power of the reverse hidden umbrella.

Researcher Person: I still don…

<End Log>

Researcher Person: What? I'm not finished! He just makes a cryptic statement and we end the interview?

Senior Researcher Chen: Sorry, that's protocol.

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