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SCP-3588: Cheers

Author: CadaverCommander

Image Credit: https://www.flickr.com/photos/chrisgold/16050916726/

https://www.flickr.com/photos/biwook/3562997135

Item#: 3588

Containment Class: safe

Secondary Class: none

Disruption Class: dark

Risk Class: caution

SCP-3588 interior, image captured via drone

Special Containment Procedures: The building containing SCP-3588 is formally condemned and now owned by a Foundation urban development front organization, thus little administrative containment is required. The area surrounding this site is to be cordoned under the guise of government surveying and manned at all times, with no less than two armed security squads on permanent retainer. Remote observation of SCP-3588 should be maintained constantly, with automatic alerts in place to signal Foundation security elements in the event of vandals or vagrants entering the property.

Rotating Foundation security patrols and other personnel assigned to SCP-3588 are reminded that it is not to be used for recreational purposes.

Description: SCP-3588 is Flynn's, a condemned bar located in Springfield, Oregon, United States of America.

After being destroyed in a fire in 2009, Flynn's was deemed structurally unsound and subsequently scheduled for demolition. After its anomalous properties were discovered and reported by municipal property inspectors, Foundation front company Schaefer Construction PLC purchased the building and containment was established.

When observed from the exterior or internally via drone, SCP-3588 exhibits no anomalous properties, appearing as would be expected of an abandoned building with extensive fire damage. However, when a human enters through the front entrance, all exterior viewing points (i.e. windows, holes) become obscured, the structure's exterior becomes impervious to all forms of electromagnetic radiation, and the interior appears to the entering individual as it did before it was destroyed, undamaged and fully furnished with electricity and running water.

When in an active phase, SCP-3588 will always contain a single individual, designated SCP-3588-01. SCP-3588-01 appears as a Caucasian male of approximately 30 years of age, dressed in work clothes and an apron. This entity has never been shown to leave the area behind the bar, and willingly engages in conversation with anyone that approaches it, behaving as would be expected for a non-anomalous bartender, with some notable exceptions.

SCP-3588-01 possesses a number of anomalous properties. It is selectively tangible, and has as of yet been unaffected by any application of force upon it in testing trials. It is capable of spontaneously manifesting physical objects, typically ingredients and implements utilized in the preparation and serving of beverages. It also possesses some degree of omniscience. SCP-3588-01 is capable of preparing a visiting individual's most preferred beverage without being given this information, and can engage in conversation upon an apparently unlimited number of topics, displaying extensive knowledge of current events, sports, popular media, art, science, and history, among others, according to the conversational inclinations of the individual interacting with it.

The beverages produced by SCP-3588-01 possess no apparent anomalous properties apart from their origin, and can be consumed safely.

SCP-3588-01 has willingly given multiple interviews and demonstrations to Foundation personnel since its containment. Examples and testing trials follow.

Trial 3588-03 06/20/2014

Close

Subject: D-3588-01

Scenario: Subject instructed to enter SCP-3588 and return after 30 minute duration, no further instructions given. Subject equipped with chest camera and microphone.

(Subject enters SCP-3588 through front entrance. D-3588-01 flinches slightly, apparently startled by the sudden reconstructed interior and presence of SCP-3588-01 despite being previously briefed on SCP-3588's anomalous effects. SCP-3588-01 raises its arms and smiles.)

SCP-3588-01: This guy! Welcome to Flynn's, brother! Pull up a stool anywhere you like!

(D-3588-01 hesitates momentarily, then approaches and sits at a stool in the middle of the bar.)

SCP-3588-01: Gotta say, man, love the jumpsuit. That's a bold statement. How you doin' today, champ?

D-3588-01: I'm uh… okay, I guess. How, uh, how about you?

SCP-3588-01: Pff, workin' like a dog, but can't complain. You know how it is. You thirsty? You look pretty thirsty, my man.

D-3588-01: Um. Yeah, okay. I could definitely go for a drink.

SCP-3588-01: Good plan, brother man! What can I get for you? Wait no, let me guess. Jack and Coke, right? Tried and true classic right there.

D-3588-01: What- hang on. How did you know? I was just about to say that.

(SCP-3588-01 produces a bottle of Jack Daniel's whiskey from below the bar and begins mixing the beverage.)

SCP-3588-01: I been doin' this a long time. You get to a point where you can kind of see it in people's eyes, know what I mean? Sort of a knack, I guess.

D-3588-01: That's pretty impressive. Man, it's been a long time since I had one of these.

SCP-3588-01: I hear ya, brother. It's tough to find time for a drink with a pal sometimes. But you gotta do it, right? Basic human need as far as I'm concerned. You ever have the Gentleman Jack? That's a good bottle if you want to up your Jack game.

D-3588-01: Yeah? I'll have to try it sometime.

SCP-3588-01: I'll give you a taster if you wanna stick around after this one, I think you'll dig it.

(SCP-3588-01 places the mixed beverage on the bar in front of D-3588-01.)

SCP-3588-01: Wham bam, Jack and Coke.

(D-3588-01 sips the drink.)

D-3588-01: Perfect. Right on the money. A lot of places kind of overdo it one way or the other, you know?

SCP-3588-01: Pff, yeah. Lots of knuckleheaded pourers out there. Not this guy, though, I'm a goddamn mixologist.

(D-3588-01 laughs.)

D-3588-01: Oh yeah? You get your degree?

SCP-3588-01: You kidding? I didn't go to school for six whole weeks for nothin'!

(Test continues without notable event. D-3588-01 stays within SCP-3588 for three hours longer than agreed-upon test duration and emerges heavily intoxicated. Test concluded. D-3588-01 reprimanded for disobeying established test parameters.)

Trial 3588-03 07/30/2014

Close

Subject: Researcher Marquez

Scenario: Subject instructed to question SCP-3588-01 in an attempt to uncover more information regarding its anomalous properties. Subject equipped with chest camera, microphone, and MX-402 combat shotgun.

(Researcher Marquez enters SCP-3588, and discharges her provided tactical shotgun directly at SCP-3588-01. SCP-3588-01 incurs no damage. Several bottles are shattered by the weapon's pellets, but instantaneously reconstruct, their liquids returning to their original positions within the containers. Researcher Marquez then hangs the shotgun by the trigger guard on the coat rack near the room's entrance and approaches the bar. SCP-3588-01 laughs.)

SCP-3588-01: Tough day at the office, Steph?

Researcher Marquez: Nothing personal, Jack, just doublechecking.

SCP-3588-01: Sure, no worries. Still makin' that labcoat look damn good, I see. Not uh, like… not that I mean anything by that or anything.

(SCP-3588-01 blushes noticeably.)

SCP-3588-01: So anyway uh, how about a drink?

Researcher Marquez: Sure.

SCP-3588-01: Anything uh… in particular?

Researcher Marquez: Surprise me.

SCP-3588-01: Dirty-as-dishwater gin martini with three blue cheese-stuffed olives it is. Not to throw shade or anything, but that has to be one of the weirder ones I've come across. No uh, offense.

Researcher Marquez: What can I say? I like olives.

(SCP-3588-01 begins preparing the order.)

SCP-3588-01: Might as well just dump some gin in the jar and put a straw in it, huh?

(Researcher Marquez laughs.)

Researcher Marquez: I think that might be a little much.

(Pause. SCP-3588-01 begins shaking Researcher Marquez's cocktail.)

SCP-3588-01: I don't wanna pry or anything, but you seem kinda blue. Something up?

Researcher Marquez: Mm? Oh. No, not really. You caught me thinking about my brother. He-

SCP-3588-01: I know. You don't have to say it out loud if you don't want to.

(Pause. Researcher Marquez sighs.)

Researcher Marquez: It's hard not to miss him. But, life has to go on, I guess.

SCP-3588-01: No truer thing. And you know what, he'd want you to unwind a bit, I think. I think those stuffy dudes outside are working you too hard.

Researcher Marquez: I've been thinking about putting in for some vacation time. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't starting to wear a little thin.

SCP-3588-01: Damn straight, girl. You gotta do for you before you can do for others.

(SCP-3588-01 places the drink in front of Researcher Marquez. She smiles.)

Researcher Marquez: Manny used to say that kind of thing all the time.

SCP-3588-01: Yeah? Sounds like he was a smart guy. Maybe almost as smart as me. Ha.

(Researcher Marquez sips her drink.)

Researcher Marquez: Speaking of which. Can I ask you some questions, Jack?

SCP-3588-01: No, Steph, you can't have my phone number. Because I don't have a phone.

(Laughter.)

Researcher Marquez: Nice try, tiger. No, I mean… like, I shot you with a gun a couple minutes ago.

SCP-3588-01: Oh yeah. I was there. It was loud and like… all ballistic and stuff, if I remember right.

Researcher Marquez: So… I'd like an explanation, if possible. Bullets don't pass through normal people, Jack.

SCP-3588-01: Uh, yeah. I'm a goddamn ghost. I thought you and your cadre of nerds out there would have put that together by now.

Researcher Marquez: Hey. I'm not a nerd.

SCP-3588-01: That is a pocket protector literally right there. In the pocket of your labcoat. You're not foolin' anyone, honey.

Researcher Marquez: What's the square root of 9216?

SCP-3588-01: 96.

Researcher Marquez: What's the standard atomic weight of osmium?

SCP-3588-01: 190.23.

Researcher Marquez: What's the diameter of Uranus?

(SCP-3588-01 smirks.)

SCP-3588-01: Depends on whether you're talking about-

Researcher Marquez: The planet.

SCP-3588-01: 51,118 kilometers, give or take a few.

Researcher Marquez: And where is O5 headquarters located?

SCP-3588-01: [REDACTED]

(Researcher Marquez sighs, then immediately finishes the remainder of her drink.)

SCP-3588-01: … Sorry. Another?

Researcher Marquez: Please.

(SCP-3588-01 produces an exact copy of Researcher Marquez's previous beverage from beneath the bar and sets it on the bartop.)

Researcher Marquez: There. Not only are you a huge nerd, but you're a security risk, Jack. Hence the containment. Can you shed any light on that? At all?

SCP-3588-01: You're really not gonna let up on this, are you.

Researcher Marquez: It's my job, Jack. You probably understand that more than most.

(SCP-3588-01 sighs.)

SCP-3588-01: Okay. Look. I loved my job. I loved it. It's not glamorous, or impressive, or technical or important or anything like that. I make drinks and I give them to people. And I talk to those people, about whatever they want to talk about. I always did that, and after I died, I sure as shit didn't want to stop. So I just… kept going, I guess. I don't know how.

Sometimes people need a friend, Stephanie. They need someone with a cold beer and an ear. Everyone needs that every once in a while, no matter who they are, and I loved that I could be that for them. I lived for it. I heard a lot of fucked up stuff, and I worked my hands to the bone, but goddammit I loved every second. And I am not about to let death stand in the way of me being a friend to people who need it.

I don't know how to answer your question. But I know how to mix a fucking drink, and I know how to hold a conversation with someone who wants one. I guess you're just gonna have to be alright with that.

(Pause.)

Researcher Marquez: Okay. Alright, Jack, I'm fine with it. Some things we're just not meant to know, I guess. I didn't mean to upset you.

SCP-3588-01: It's okay. I know you didn't mean anything by it.

(Pause. Researcher Marquez imbibes the remainder of her beverage.)

SCP-3588-01: You uh… you need another one, there?

Researcher Marquez … Yeah, alright.

SCP-3588-01: Atta girl!

(Testing concludes without incident. Researcher Marquez is amnesticized and receives a reprimand for exiting SCP-3588 outside of dictated parameters and becoming intoxicated while on duty.)

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