Department of Musicals Orientation - SCP Foundation

Hello there new recruits. Today is the opening night for the best job you'll ever have.

You've been promoted, transferred, or otherwise found your way to the Department of Musicals. Now that name may be a little bit confusing, but we have a wonderful way to introduce you all: With a song and dance routine! Everyone, please welcome Dr. Gary Mander-Bassen!

+ Lyrics

- Lyrics

Welcome to the department of musicals

We write songs and we also catch anomalies

Welcome to the team, life here is a dream and

You will get to feel the limelight

You have joined a great department

Full of music and adventure

Creative types often find themselves more comfortable

Working with other artsy people

This is a place where we find a lot of

Chances to appear on stages

Here you’ll be working

Right on Broadway

Vegas, London

And on tour!

Welcome to the department of musicals

We write songs and we also catch anomalies

Welcome to the team, life here is a dream and

You will get to feel the limelight

You will get to use your talents

To help the Foundation prosper

Acting in plays, making music and creative writing

Painting, lighting, playing your instrument

You will get to be deeply involved with the

Actors, writers, and producers

If it’s a live show

You will be there

Helping uphold

The Masquerade

Welcome to the department of musicals

We write songs and we also catch anomalies

Welcome to the team, life here is a dream and

You will get to feel the limelight

Welcome to the department of musicals

We write songs and we also catch anomalies

Welcome to the team, life here is a dream and

You will get to feel the limelight

You’ll have fun here

And you’ll get to save the world while

Living on the stage

Thank you Gary! Thank you, thank you.

So, Department of Musicals. We went for that name for two reasons: It looks amazing on a business card and it entices the right kind of people over to us. Sure we could be more accurate if we labelled ourselves the "Department of Live Events", but where's the fun in that?

Musicals and plays make up a huge percentage of our work, but we also dabble in concerts, improv shows, magic shows… hell even some open mic nights. Why? Well, anomalies often get thrown into a spotlight. People like to show off, and one way to stand out in a crowd is to bend the rules of reality. We fight against this on two fronts.

First of all, we observe and investigate all sorts of live performances. If we get reports of something odd at a burlesque show in Minneapolis or a peculiar street magician in Madrid, one of you will be flying out to see if its smoke and mirrors or if we need to intervene. We keep offices in some of the cities where these incidents happen the most: Here in New York, Chicago, New Orleans, Paris, Tokyo, you get the idea.

Second of all, we use Foundation resources to create and promote non-anomalous entertainment, promoting more people to stay inside the boundaries of accepted reality and pushing anomalous performance art further and further into a niche market. We've not only bankrolled some of the biggest musicals, stand up shows, and festivals of the last few decade; we've often created them. Hell, Special Agent Miranda over in the back right corner there, he has more Tony Awards than he knows what to do with… and Researcher McMahon… well you might recognize him from a fairly popular wrestling company. Televised too, but that's mostly to ensure a monopoly on live events… If you have a good idea for a show, you've come to the right place.

In the next few days we're going to have everyone in for one on one interviews… or auditions, as we like to call them. You're going to go over your strengths, weaknesses, fields of expertise, all that jazz. We will pick out assignments for you that play to your strength and assign you to classes and exercises that will help cover your weaknesses. You're going to be well-rounded within just a few years. Singing, dancing, rapping, magic, comedy, marching band… you'll be ready for whatever we throw you at. Maybe you catch an anartist using a potentially dangerous skip in a subversive off-Broadway play or maybe you'll just catch a strange arthouse show that we got a false report on. One thing I can promise: You will always be entertained. There are very few slogs in this line of work. Things are gonna be unpredictable for you as long as you work here.

And of course, the benefits are amazing. You want an Equity card? We will get you one. You want to take your vacation time working on tour with a band you love? We will make it happen. You want to host a karaoke night, just for fun on the weekend? Half the department is going to show up and you bet your butt we're going to sing along when someone busts out Bohemian Rhapsody.

We're not just a department, we're the cast and crew that makes the rest of your career possible, and everyone here gets to be a star if they want to.

So welcome aboard. We're gonna take fifteen, get to know your neighbors and when we reconvene we will go over proper investigating and reporting procedures.