Log Of Anomalous Items, Vol VI - SCP Foundation

Foreword: The SCP Foundation has discovered a substantial number of items which are simply too useless to merit further attention. This document lists those items which have prompted some curiosity. It may be used as a resource should knowledge of these items become useful or necessary in the future.

– Dr. █████ █████, Head of Research, Site-██

This is the sixth volume of the log, and remains open to new entries. The first, second, third, fourth and fifth volumes have been archived.

Lists of Extranormal Events and Unexplained Locations have also been compiled.

FoldUnfold

Table of Contents

Anomalous Items 1251 - 1260

Anomalous Items 1261 - 1270

Anomalous Items 1271 - 1280

Anomalous Items 1281 - 1290

Anomalous Items 1291 - 1300

Anomalous Items 1301 - 1310

Anomalous Items 1311 - 1320

Anomalous Items 1321 - 1330

Anomalous Items 1331 - 1340

Anomalous Items 1341 - 1350

Anomalous Items 1351 - 1360

Anomalous Items 1361 - 1370

Anomalous Items 1371 - 1380

Anomalous Items 1381 - 1390

Anomalous Items 1391 - 1400

Anomalous Items 1401 - 1410

Anomalous Items 1411 - 1420

Anomalous Items 1421 - 1430

Anomalous Items 1431 - 1440

Anomalous Items 1441 - 1450

Anomalous Items 1451 - 1460

Anomalous Items 1461 - 1470

Note: Please add new entries to the bottom of the list, not the middle or the top.

Anomalous Items 1251 - 1260

Item Description: A small stuffed giraffe animal. Anomalous effects occur when the object is taken during the holder's vacation1 where the object will reappear at its last location prior to being taken. The holder of the object will then become visibly upset upon realization of the missing object.

Date of Recovery: 2023-08-23

Location of Recovery: Private residence in Manchester, UK.

Current Status: Held in Anomalous Object Storage at Site-40.

Item Description: A rimless standard automotive road tire, which upon contact with any sort of road surface initiates autonomous movement, independent of any external force or propulsion.

Date of Recovery: 2010-17-24
Location of Recovery:** Tollbooth on the Interstate 90 near Hanover, New York, USA.

Current Status: Held in Object Repository 2 at Site-47.

Item Description: A miniature fog machine that, when held, causes all beings other than the wielder in a 500-meter radius to have all of their perceptory senses completely nullified, with those affected having reported a "cold" entity covering their eyes.

Date of Recovery: 11/07/2022

Location of Recovery: ████████, Alaska

Current Status: Held in storage at site-██

Item Description: An unidentified species of spider notably with an undulating abdomen, when in physical contact with a subjects skin, subjects will feel a crawling sensation around their body for an indefinite duration.

Date of Recovery: 23-09-2022

Location of Recovery: Greenwich, London

Current Status: Resides within an insectarium at Site-88

Notes: Yes, an Insectarium can have other inhabitants other than Insects.

Item Description: A rectangular oakwood breadbox that contains an aluminium breadbox of equal size within itself. This aluminum breadbox contains a ceramic breadbox of equal size within itself. This ceramic breadbox contains a plastic breadbox of equal size within itself. This pattern seemingly continues infinitely.

Date of Recovery: 8/28/23

Location of Recovery: Residence outside of Kangar, Malaysia

Current Status: Contained in Site-351.

Notes: Testing of this item has been halted in part due to the emergence of breadboxes made of harmful materials (AO-1255-319 was composed of Lead, AO-1255-320 was composed of Technetium-99m), and upon the subsequent realization that it is not possible to place a breadbox back inside of another breadbox of equal size.

Item Description: A custom-built revolver matching no known model of firearm. It is engraved with ornate patterns along the barrel depicting numerous figures kneeling as if in prayer. The object of their worship is not depicted. Any shot fired from the weapon is guaranteed to hit its target, so long as an attempt is made to aim towards it, and the injuries inflicted upon any living target struck are invariably fatal. Firing it instantly kills the wielder. Anyone who touches the object becomes immediately aware of its anomalous properties.

Date of Recovery: 1/27/98

Location of Recovery: Cellar under an abandoned bar in Chicago, Illinois

Current Status: Held in the High-Security Anomalous Weapons Storage Wing of Site-██

Item Description: A large granite stone, hovering in perpetual stasis. A narrow slit extends deep into the object, originating at it's top. A plaque on the front reads "Can you get it out?"

Date of Recovery: 4/01/1998

Location of Recovery: Nottingham, England

Current Status: Buried beneath a large mound of dirt. Signs placed around indicate that it is private property.

Notes: Sword remains to be found. - Dr. Lafrentz.

Item Description: Wooden trunk, seemingly ordinary. A brass plaque on the underside of the lid indicates that it was built in the state of Kentucky in 1910 by E.Q. Randolph. The materials and construction of the item are common for the period; however, the internal volume of the trunk is approximately triple what should be possible given its exterior dimensions. Also, there is no record that anyone known as E.Q. Randolph has ever existed, in Kentucky or anywhere.

Date of Recovery: 8/23/2023

Location of Recovery: A thrift store in Montgomery, Alabama

Current Status: In storage; research into the item's provenance is ongoing.

Item Description: A bust depicting an unknown individual with thick, curly hair, large cheeks, and prominent wrinkles. The bust is comprised entirely of ~4,000,000,000 inseparable grains of sand.

Date of Recovery: 1990-06-03

Location of Recovery: Agios Prokopios, Naxos, Greece

Current Status: Held in a Size-IV object storage locker at Site-367.

Item Description: A copy of an early draft of the Magna Carta as written by Cardinal Stephen Langton (1148-1228), engraved on a Martian boulder. Notably, this draft still contains mentions of the early [REDACTED] before its removal by agents of the Vatican, making it the highest-quality early record of [COGNITOHAZARD EXPUNGED] infiltration to date.

Date of Recovery: 1962-11-29

Location of Recovery: -███°██'██", +██°██'██", Olympus Mons, Mars

Current Status: AO-1260 successfully relocated to Earth via SCPBEaTRIX VI mission 1985-10-26. Currently held at Site-367 for long-term storage.

Anomalous Items 1261 - 1270

Item Description: One indigestible carrot, currently in 26 59 pieces. Energy and mass from the object are wholly unable to be converted or removed, causing the intact fragments to inevitably reemerge 1-5 days after consumption.

Date of Recovery: 1996-02-12

Location of Recovery: [REDACTED] Hospital in Mukawa, Hokkaido prefecture, Japan

Current Status: Held at Site-195 for long-term thermodynamics research.

Item Description: One skateboard hand-painted with designs of various Brazilian politicians as mythical creatures and cartoon characters. When an individual attempts to perform an "ollie" with the item and manages to bring it >25 centimeters upward, the item will teleport to the nearest flat surface with preservation of momentum. No additional items or entities are teleported.

Date of Recovery: 2023-04-26

Location of Recovery: A physics laboratory at Federal University of Ceará, Fortaleza, Brazil.

Current Status: Held at Site-95's Vehicular Translocation Lab for initial testing.

Item Description: A digital file entitled "iswearthisisisit.mp4". On the file is most of an unknown high fantasy film of generally unremarkable quality, sans the first several minutes and the credits, as recorded from an unknown movie theater. The appearance of certain actors suggests an origin in the mid 2040's, though this remains unconfirmed. Most noticeably, several instances of SCP-2009-012 are visible in the theater, accompanied by an unidentified chaperone. The instances are generally unintrusive, although one is later shushed by other theatergoers for repeated cheering during the film's third act.

Date of Recovery: 2021-02-24

Location of Recovery: www.████████████████.███

Current Status: Held at Media Containment Area-88. Relevant information shared with SCP-2009's containment team, although no plans for recontainment have been drafted on account of the event's current nonexistence.

Item Description: Plastic mask modeled after the fictional character of ██████-███ which, when worn, will cause the wearer to believe they are a mutant entity by the name of "Majoomble Beeble" and to refuse to answer to any other name. While effected, they will believe that they possess supernatural speed, strength, and durability. The mask does not grant these abilities. The effects end once the mask is removed.

Date of Recovery: 6/4/21

Location of Recovery: Confiscated from civilian residence in Brooklyn, NYC.

Current Status: Contained in anomalous articles storage, Site-28.

Item Description: Instructions for a thaumaturgic ritual allowing a user to "fully stabilize an object". Decryption of glyphs implies that any object affected by this ritual will be "locked" into its current static position in the universe and will become totally unaffected by outside forces. However, successful application will invariably cause the object to fly off into the distance at great speed from the viewer’s perspective due to the Earth’s rotation and movement through space. Instructions are written in blue ink on a previously crumpled piece of copy paper.

Date of Recovery: 2023-08-28

Location of Recovery: ████ Library, University of ████████, Baltimore, Maryland

Current Status: Contained in a storage locker at Site-134.

Item Description: A 43-inch Samsung smart TV. When tuned to any channel or streaming application associated with the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC), the television will display an unidentified male pundit, who paces a narrow street3 and monologues about contemporary politics. To date, this host has never ceased commentary, the camera has never cut away, and background lighting has never changed.

Date of Recovery: 2018-04-12

Location of Recovery: Commercial electronics store in downtown Toronto, Ontario.

Current Status: Stored in the employee lounge at Site-201 to encourage awareness of current events above the Veil.

Item Description: A box of Crayola brand crayons containing sixteen colors that don't exist in any other box. Such colors include "Demon's Bile", "Skies of the Apocalypse", "Orange Beyond Comprehension", and "Key Lime Pie". When used to draw, these crayons produce images related to their name regardless of what the user attempts to draw.

Date of Recovery: 2005-01-19

Location of Recovery: Elementary School in Plainfield, New Jersey

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A large pet carrier that contains a lesser demonic entity with the head of a rabid dog and the body of a reticulated python. Runes are carved and painted onto the side of the carrier, and the entity is incapable of leaving it even as the door is opened. Any material produced by the entity is trapped within the carrier as well, such as the acidic bile it spits and the skin it sheds.

Date of Recovery: 1995-05-20

Location of Recovery: Church in ███████, Kentucky

Current Status: Held in the Demonic Containment Wing of Site-██.

Item Description: A mason jar in which a number of non-anomalous insects will appear at night during the summer. Species seen manifesting within the jar include painted lady butterflies (Vanessa cardui), common eastern fireflies (Photinus pyralis), and asian tiger mosquitos (Aedes albopictus). All insects that manifest in the jar will demanifest within a few hours of appearing or whenever the jar is opened. Item's anomalous properties are nullified when the jar is left open.

Date of Recovery: 2019-07-04

Location of Recovery: Springfield, Massachusetts

Current Status: In storage from September to May, in Dr. Piper's office from June to August.

Item Description: An unmarked white detonator stick with a bright red button made of plastic. The button remains spring-loaded up via an unknown mechanism; upon disassembly, the internals of the hollow stick are empty, and opening it immediately stops the button from being usable. Viewers including those seeing it remotely through cameras, and those who are within 12 meters of the button experience a compulsion to press it, yet are unable to bring themselves to do so at the final stages of preparing to press it. Those in the 12 meter area will feel distress upon the button being pressed. Pressing the button has been revealed to do nothing, although it makes such a satisfying click in the recording…

Date of Recovery: 2008-11-21

Location of Recovery: Under a couch at 16 Balmoral Street, Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

Current Status: In a glass box covered in cloth. Occasionally taken out to Site-43's storage room to show it off to new researchers, as a demonstration of mentally altering effects.

Note: Yes, you are allowed access to the button upon request. No, that doesn't mean you can dare your coworkers to press it and then not work for six hours while the coworker has a panic attack.

Anomalous Items 1271 - 1280

Item Description: One male Vulpes vulpes4 comprised of various woven grasses. No individual organs exist, with the interior instead being uniform and featureless. Object generally shows expected intelligence and behavior for its species, but is functionally immortal due to its non-centralized brain function and the possibility of repair.

Date of Recovery: 1956-06-20

Location of Recovery: Daisen-Oki National Park, Japan

Current Status: Held in a custom enclosure at Site-19. Object nicknamed "Flora" by containment staff.

Item Description: A new irreplicable platonic solid made from styrofoam, with a surface consisting of thirteen heptagons with a side length of 6 cm. Attempts to trace its surface often result in sub light speed teleportation, either across its surface or to the hollow interior of the structure if size permits.

Date of Recovery: 1979-07-27

Location of Recovery: Laboratory at the University of Balochistan, Quetta, Pakistan

Current Status: Held in Site-127's AGEZ-α5.

Item Description: A black cassiterite crystal weighing 415 grams. While held, the holder firmly believes that "shadow" or "void" or a variation thereof6 should be classified among all elemental systems, such as the periodic table, lists of elementary particles, and any fantasy magic system that attempts to fully categorize its magic variants. This belief instantly subsides upon releasing the object.

Date of Recovery: 1923-09-15

Location of Recovery: In the crypt below Saint George Greek Orthodox Church, Beirut, Lebanon

Current Status: Held in a Size-II object storage locker at Site-367 with appropriate memetic hazard warnings.

Item Description: A marble statue of a young woman holding a basket. Humans directly viewing this statue are initially convinced that its robes have never been painted regardless of prior knowledge, though can be persuaded otherwise.

Date of Recovery: 1965-05-27

Location of Recovery: Ruins of Rhamnous, Attica, Greece

Current Status: Held in a Size-VI object storage locker at Site-265.

Notes: Analysis of remaining flakes of paint indicate that AO-1274's robes were in fact once a light aquamarine.

Item Description: One ██████-brand package of black-colored gobstopper candies, which, when bitten, implode violently in the mouth of the person who bit them, turning into a small black hole which then rapidly dissolves into Hawking radiation.

Date of Recovery: 9/19/2023

Location of Recovery: ██████, Florida

Current Status: Contained in Site-37 Size-B containment.

Note: "I don't think gobstoppers are supposed to do that…" - Jr. Researcher ████

Item Description: One Cyanea capillata7 comprised of several hundred plastic grocery bags. Item is capable of levitation and does not require food, though will occasionally mimic eating when provided with its expected diet. Behavior is abnormally friendly and curious, with aggression only being shown when recreational items or similar anomalies are removed from its enclosure.

Date of Recovery: 2001-06-07

Location of Recovery: Abandoned █████████ and Sons Grocery Store, Coatzacoalos, Veracruz, Mexico

Current Status: Held in a suitably large enclosure at Site-75 with occasional visitation from other constructed anomalies to ensure enrichment.

Item Description: Metal sign reading "No dogs allowed past this point". Any animal in the genus Canis is physically incapable of moving past the sign of its own accord or being moved past the sign by an outside force. How this occurs is unknown.

Date of Recovery: 2023-09-01

Location of Recovery: Outside a public beach in Miami, FL

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A small device of hasty but highly knowledgeable construction which constantly emits a faint buzzing noise at 14 kHz and derives power from [5/4039 CLEARANCE REQUIRED]. When any individual observes or attempts to discern the location of AO-1278, the item teleports to a random unobserved location, preferably within 10 meters of the original location.

Date of Recovery: 2022-12-05

Location of Recovery: A Chaos Insurgency site in [REDACTED], Mexico

Current Status: Item lost in Site-195, Warehouse 03 during initial containment amidst testing of an unorthodox reacquisition method. Last sighted 2023-08-25 under Technician Access Port L3325-H. Current location is believed to be somewhere in the basement of Site-195, Warehouse 03A, most likely between Greater Technician Access Zones M32 and N36, though buzzing has been detected as far away as GTAZ-G29, GTAZ-O16, GTAZ-Z38, and Site-195's Aetherial Occlusion Lab. Recovery is considered a Moderate priority.

Item Description: One adult female Raphus cucullatus8 moving at approximately 1/1,000,000,000th speed. A significant amount of scratches exist across its feathers, though due to the fleeting nature of the respective causes, no actual damage has occurred to or been noticed by AO-1279. As of 2021-02-03, AO-1279 is believed to have experienced a subjective 12.4 seconds since its capture in the summer of 1629 CE by the Commission on Unusual Cargo.

Date of Recovery: 1929-12-15

Location of Recovery: [REDACTED], England, during the transfer of anomalies from the decommissioned HMFSCP to the young SCP Foundation.

Current Status: Held in a stress-free long-term animal containment unit at Site-195. Proposals to attempt to communicate with AO-1279 have been denied due to the necessary time investment and its low intelligence.

Item Description: The blade of a spatha produced sometime in the late 2nd or early 3rd century CE. When contacted by a living or deceased human, the item will produce roughly 10-70 grams of salt from its surface per second. The amount of salt produced and its location of origin correlates to the contacting individual, although no further pattern has been determined.

Date of Recovery: 1949-01-30

Location of Recovery: Cavern beneath [REDACTED], Turkey, along with approximately ███,000,000 kilograms of salt due to the attached remains of an unknown adult male.

Current Status: Held in a Size-III object storage locker at Site-248. Created salt successfully transferred to Foundation Financial Resources as of 1962-07-16.

Anomalous Items 1281 - 1290

Item Description: One highly worn ████████ brand men's flannel jacket. Upon donning the item, the current wearer will believe themselves to be the only person alive to truly understand the meaning of American Pie, a 1971 song by Don McLean. This effect subsides on doffing the item or listening to any other song in its entirety.

Date of Recovery: 2002-11-07

Location of Recovery: Thrift store in Duquesne, Pennsylvania, USA

Current Status: Held in Apparel Frame SAF060-U23-46559 at Site-60.

Item Description: Nineteen Ceratotherium simum9 whose front most horns resemble various instruments, fifteen of which are brass instruments. This trait is genetically transmissible. Specimens are otherwise healthy and normal, beyond an improperly developed right hind leg in AO-1282-04.

Date of Recovery: 2009-07-10

Location of Recovery: Various locations in Mozambique and Zimbabwe

Current Status: Held in Site-135's Eastern Extraspacial Enclosure to prohibit human and SCP-9142 poaching.

Item Description: Cheung ████ (1996-), who is aware of all humans exactly 50 meters away in any direction and whether they are approaching or leaving. No other information is dispensed this way.

Date of Recovery: 2022-06-10

Location of Recovery: Private residence in Yau Tsim Mong, Hong Kong, China

Current Status: In low-level humanoid containment at Site-06-3. Undergoing testing for the Employed Anomaly Program due to his previously unused degree in biochemical engineering.

Item Description: Slightly battered copy of Dracula, printed in 1986, which can only be read by someone intending to enjoy the book for its own sake. If the book is opened by someone intending to read it for some other purpose, such as self-improvement, the printed letters slide off the pages and fall to the floor, rendering the pages blank. The letters demanifest approximately 5 minutes after the book is closed, or immediately if the book is picked up by a subject who meets the book's criteria.

Date of Recovery: 2023-08-18

Location of Recovery: Used book store in Cincinnati, OH

Current Status: Available at Site-46 for reading by all personnel.

Item Description: An adult female Vampyroteuthis infernalis10 with an antimemetic reflection.

Date of Recovery: 2023-09-14

Location of Recovery: Research vessel █0 km ██ of Papua New Guinea

Current Status: Held at Site-72 for intake testing and transfer to long-term containment.

Item Description: An indestructible transparent case containing what appears to be a 5x5x5 cm cube of soil. An attached plaque reads "FIRST SAMPLE OF TERRA, AS RECOVERED BY NAMU HULNARIUS OF THE LETO X MISSION - ALL OF SELENE THANKS YOU FOR YOUR SACRIFICE".

Date of Recovery: 2022-11-16

Location of Recovery: Kennedy Space Center, Merritt Island, Florida, USA

Current Status: Held at Site-367. Testing to open the case is ongoing.

Item Description: An apple, which, upon chemical analysis, possessed inverted molecular chirality.

Date of Recovery: 9/14/23

Location of Recovery: Delivered to the front door of Secure Containment Facility 4 in a cardboard box by an unknown individual.

Current Status: Incinerated.

Item Description: A brown glass bottle that will reassemble itself 30 seconds after it is broken. The process of reassembly occurs on an elementary particle level.

Date of Recovery: 9/15/23

Location of Recovery: Found on the side of ███████ Road in Blantyre, Malawi

Current Status: Contained in MAST Storage at Site-334.

Item Description: A Nerf Rival Atlas XVI-1200 which, when equipped, causes the holder to perceive the toy as though it were a real firearm. After 24 hours of no physical contact with the item, subjects will no longer perceive it as a firearm.

Date of Recovery: 1/02/22

Location of Recovery: Purchased by a Foundation janitor, and promptly surrendered to containment.

Current Status: Contained in Site-43 Low-Value anomalous storage.

Notes: "This is even worse than that one Hi-Point…" - ████ ██████

Item Description: A leather glove, which automatically transmutes all polyethylene it touches into polycarbonate, and all polycarbonates into polyethylene. The duration of this change is roughly 1 second per cubic centimeter. Objects altered by the glove cannot be altered again. It appears that when worn, the wearer of the glove may be able to exert some influence over the process.

Date of Recovery: 9/19/23

Location of Recovery: LoI-2999 ("Abandoned Chaos Insurgency R&D Facility")

Current Status: Contained in Site-300 in a steel lockbox in Room-004.

Anomalous Items 1291 - 1300

Item Description: Pieces of a broken clockwork machine that seemingly dissipate all energy around them. Evidence suggests it is a failed attempt at constructing a perpetual motion machine.

Date of Recovery: 9/19/23

Location of Recovery: LoI-2999

Current Status: Components scanned and catalogued. Due to the inability of the object to be moved, and the danger of the item, the destruction of item through matter-antimatter interaction has been proposed. Currently, the location LoI-2999 is guarded to prevent civilian discovery.

Item Description: One extremely large rotting apple of the Fuji cultivar, cut apart and reshaped into an anomalously durable IBM Personal Computer. This computer is functional and contains no applications other than the first-person shooter Doom (1993), which can be played without issue.

Date of Recovery: 2004-03-17

Location of Recovery: Occult site believed to hold connections to Steve Wozniak located under San Jose, California, USA

Current Status: Held in cold storage at Site-99

Item Description: 942 square centimeters of tiles from a "doom painting" from the ████ █████ ██ █████████ Cathedral depicting scenes from the Book of Revelation with heavy focus on the judgement of souls. Pigments contained within these tiles continuously shift hue and shade to create the impression that all humans in the image are moving in various ways, such as kneeling, bowing, wailing, running, or hiding. Notably, a large group of these humans in white or black robes move so as to anachronistically recreate the Bad Apple!! (1998) music video in its entirety.

Date of Recovery: 1960-08-24

Location of Recovery: ████ █████ ██ █████████ Cathedral, ████████, Aragon, Spain

Current Status: Held at Site-146 with permission from GoI-033, the Roman Catholic Church.

Item Description: A hinged cabinet door with a mirror on its front. When obscured by steam and subsequently wiped, all current viewers will see a leering face with grossly exaggerated proportions smiling at them until they break eye contact. This face does not otherwise respond to stimuli.

Date of Recovery: 1986-10-31

Location of Recovery: Private residence in Sheridan, Wyoming, USA

Current Status: Held in a Size-IV object storage locker at Site-35.

Item Description: 894 ml of mint-scented hand sanitizer. Upon exposure of AO-1295 to human skin, the affected individual will become significantly more likely to somehow become covered in dirt or mud, such as by tripping, intense outdoor play, searching for worms or other burrowing creatures, usage of dirt or mud in sexual experimentation, or wandering into a swamp or active construction zone11.

Date of Recovery: 2023-02-06

Location of Recovery: Public park in Kirovo-Chepetsk, Kirov Oblast, Russia

Current Status: Held in a Size-II object storage locker at Site-218.

Item Description: Family-sized container of "Quacker" Instant Oatmeal. Mascot is a brown and green cartoon duck. Information on the package indicates that the parent company is, appropriately, Quacker Oats, which does not exist. Beyond the impossibility of its existence, the item does not appear to be anomalous. Oats can be prepared and consumed without incident.

Date of Recovery: 2023-09-01

Location of Recovery: Abandoned on a counter at a grocery store, Fort Wayne, IN

Current Status: In low-value item storage.

Note Anomalous items are not to be used for breakfast, even if found to be non-anomalous. Please use the Site cafeteria. - Site Director Robinson

Item Description: One personal fishing boat four meters in length. This boat cannot be willfully anthropomorphized as any gender other than male.

Date of Recovery: 2020-08-12

Location of Recovery: Private residence in Cleveland, Ohio, USA

Current Status: Held in parking unit CGU095-A04-33663 at Site-95.

Item Description: One green toy hard hat. The current wearer of the item is unable to perceive all ceiling tiles currently comprising a ceiling, and views all ceiling tiles in other locations as translucent and indistinct.

Date of Recovery: 2015-11-28

Location of Recovery: ███████ ███████████ Offices, an office building in Muharraq, Bahrain

Current Status: Held in a Size-III object storage locker at Site-109.

Item Description: One container of █████-██-█████ brand bug repellent. All members of the family Culicidae12 in an exactly 1 km radius of AO-1299 ignore all humans in the radius and attempt to congregate at a point 38 meters ESE of the bottle until their death by dehydration or predation. As this secondary location is well within the radius of AO-1299's effects, the amount of effected organisms dramatically and incessantly rises when used in their natural habitat.

Date of Recovery: 2013-07-19

Location of Recovery: Pirin National Park, Bulgaria, following reports of "a deafening black cloud" hovering above a trail.

Current Status: Held in a Size-II object storage locker at Site-78. Initial associated organisms terminated via sustained immolation. No salvageable biomatter remained for study.

Item Description: A Dr. Wondertainment brand " Speedier Cube™ " that speeds up time for the person currently solving the cube by a factor of 2.

Date of Recovery: 2019-04-28

Location of Recovery: Yokohama Sanbo Hall, Japan, following reports of a person breaking the world record for the 3x3 Rubik's cube 8 times in a row.

Current Status: Held in high-value item storage.

Note The item was previously held in low-value item storage. It has since been moved to high-value item storage after several junior researchers have been caught attempting to use it for various self-serving ends.

Anomalous Items 1301 - 1310

Item Description: A plastic Mellivora capensis, that if shaken, gives a speech about the user's present mental state, current relationships, and gives validation. After that speech, it will give a brief note about how to improve the mental state of a user. The speech lasts no more than 30 minutes, and the note lasts for any time range between 5 minutes and [REDACTED].

Date Of Recovery: 2023-09-25

Current Status: Used as a tool for Foundation therapists. Currently in the possession of Dr. Anderson. Partially melted after accidental exposure to fire.

Note The item was kept in low-value storage, as users only reported a 'long-winded speech'. After usage by Dr. █████, the items therapeutic values were discovered and was taken to the on-site therapist.

Item Description: Four plastic, near perfectly symmetrical femur bones of cartoonish proportions. Items are only anomalous in their location of origin.

Date of Recovery: 2008-04-17

Location of Recovery: Two stillborn Panthera Leo13 at the Berlin Zoo, Berlin, Germany

Current Status: Held in a Size-IV object storage locker at Site-25.

Item Description: One statue of a servant bowing and holding a plate bearing several food items such as sandwiches, a bottle of wine, and a large ham. The statue and held items are comprised entirely of various molds and fungi, and any items generally considered safe for human consumption placed on the plate section are converted to a similar composition.

Date of Recovery: 1973-07-21

Location of Recovery: Museum basement in Pingyao, Shanxi province, China

Current Status: Held in a Size-VI object storage locker at Site-182 for long-term mycological studies.

Item Description: One empty Gatorade bottle. All inserted water is converted to Lime Cucumber Gatorade via a(n) RE114 transmutation ritual at a rate of 71 mL/s.

Date of Recovery: 2022-02-24

Location of Recovery: Private residence in León, León Department, Nicaragua

Current Status: Held in a Size-II object storage locker at Site-120 for research into minor transmutation.

Item Description: One paper character sheet for the fifth edition of Dungeons and Dragons sloppily describing a human bard. Any human who makes direct contact with this sheet instantly gains awareness of the definition and most common usages of the term "skald"15, and become aware of their sudden knowledge gain.

Date of Recovery: 2021-02-02

Location of Recovery: Private residence in Tramore, Waterford County, Ireland

Current Status: Held in a temperature-controlled Size-III object storage locker at Site-35.

Item Description: One molar belonging to an adult instance of Canis lupus dingo, with an estimated age of 30,000 years. When the item is exposed to blood from any mammal, all food consumed by that mammal since the most recent local sunrise as well as energy derived from such is annihilated in violation of the conservation of energy.

Date of Recovery: 1965-08-23

Location of Recovery: School in Kiunga, West Province, Papua New Guinea

Current Status: Held in a Size-I object storage locker with proper biohazard warnings at Site-206.

Item Description: One unrotting cream-filled donut. When contacted by any individual willingly working as law enforcement, even through cloth or paper, the individual is teleported to a semi-random location in the Greater Dantean Hellscape, typically ring units 01/07/01-01/09/03, 03/01/01-03/04/09, 08/01/01-08/02/01, 08/05/01-08/05/07, or the entirety of D5 "Wrath" and D7 "Violence". However, due to [5/2718 CLEARANCE REQUIRED], all affected individuals are promptly returned to the world of the living.

Date of Recovery: 2020-12-13

Location of Recovery: ███████, a restaurant in Chicago, Illinois, USA

Current Status: Held in a Size-II object storage locker at Site-666 for transgehennic research.

Item Description: One spy satellite briefly operated by the [REDACTED] government in the year ████ CE. All footage taken by the satellite depicts a yet unrecognized timeline of generally little note beyond the increased size of humans (typically a 30-90% gain), the diminished presence of the SCP Foundation and Global Occult Coalition, and the occasional presence and reverence of [5/5709 CLEARANCE REQUIRED].

Date of Recovery: ████-██-██

Location of Recovery: 30°██'██"S 142°██'██"E, South Pacific Ocean

Current Status: Held in a Size-VII object storage locker at Site-242 for extrachronal analysis.

Item Description: A small ceramic teapot measuring approximately 10 centimeters in height, with intricate floral patterns painted in faded blue. When the teapot is filled with water and brought to a boil, the steam it produces causes anyone who inhales it to experience vivid and immersive hallucinations of being inside the apartment room contained within SCP-002, despite having no prior knowledge of the object. These hallucinations are highly detailed and can last for several minutes to several hours, depending on the duration of boiling.

Date of Recovery: 06/15/20██

Location of Recovery: An Antique shop in [REDACTED], Portugal, near the area where SCP-002 originally made impact.

Current Status: Contained in a secure locker at Site-170.

Item Description: Small brass skeleton key, similar to those manufactured during the late 19th century. Despite the fact that it should not be able to fit, the key unlocks most modern locks with no issue, provided that the key holder has no desire to access whatever is blocked by the lock. This functions on padlocks and standard door locks, but not on combination or electronic locks.

Date of Recovery: 2023-09-21

Location of Recovery: Found in a bowl of keys at a thrift store in Houston, TX

Current Status: In storage.

Note: Research into a possible relation with SCP-005 is ongoing.

Anomalous Items 1311 - 1320

Item Description: 1101 1031 pieces of ██████ brand candy corn. Upon consumption of any of these pieces, the consumer will experience for full body paralysis for 241 seconds before regaining body function and saying "She's coming." Following this, the subject will display no further anomalous traits, and lacks any memory of the event.

Date of Recovery: 2023-10-04

Location of Recovery: Various retail stores in Huntington, New York, USA

Current Status: Held in a temperature-controlled storage unit at Site-1225.

Item Description: One bag of frozen peas, long expired. Any human who makes direct contact with this item for >30 seconds will develop a fever of exactly 38.5°C (101.3°F). This effect ceases upon touching any item typically warmed to cook food (e.g. a stove, pot, kettle, microwave).

Date of Recovery: 2007-07-20

Location of Recovery: Store in Hammerfest, Norway

Current Status: Held at Site-206 for long-term medical research.

Item Description: 596 435 bottles of 15 proof India pale ale, as produced by the ████████ ███████ Brewery. Upon total consumption of a bottle's contents, the consumer gains a total awareness of the proper usage and implementation of the International Phonetic Alphabet until they regain sobriety.

Date of Recovery: 2005-12-01

Location of Recovery: ███ ██████ █████████ Pub in Yeovil, Somerset, England

Current Status: Held at Site-227's Gustolinguistics Research Center to determine the effects of long-term use.

Item Description: One business card which can be flipped in any direction to display a specific face from a two-dimensional grid of possible faces, with these names slowly becoming more and more nonsensical the further they move towards Designated North. The original face, if one exists, is unknown and likely unknowable.

Date of Recovery: 1972-05-20

Location of Recovery: Newspaper stand in Nantes, Loire-Atlantique, France

Current Status: Held in a Size-I object storage locker at Site-73 on Face +011,359/-002,707 "Denrendenrenden Schuwindle, First-and-one-half-class Loitering Salesman, Tomfoolery Enthusiast, and Rebellion Inducer, Unwanted"16.

Item Description: One mummified adult male Anas platyrhynchos17. Water and any material containing water is unable to pass within exactly one meter of the item. Teleportation of water to this region consistently fails.

Date of Recovery: 1977-07-04

Location of Recovery: Nestlé Headquarters in Vevey, Vaud, Switzerland

Current Status: Held in an appropriately isolated avian biomaterial storage unit at Site-25.

Item Description: One dented plastic McDonald's Happy Meal toy depicting a cartoonish O5-03 bearing mild differences such as [05/A1 CLEARANCE REQUIRED] but remaining physically recognizable. By pressing a large button on the toy's cooling tower, a disc tray can be ejected from and returned to a slot beside the central monitor. No anomalous traits exist beyond the impossibility of the extensive process necessary for its creation.

Date of Recovery: 2014-01-22

Location of Recovery: Private residence in Brasília, Brazil

Current Status: Transferred to Site-1.

Item Description: Frame that once contained a mirror, which has long since been broken. A few shards of mirrored glass at the edges reveal its original purpose. Anyone viewing the item suffers a mild cognitohazardous effect, causing them to believe that 1) the object is a mirror, and 2) their lack of reflection means they are a vampire. This causes the affected to do such things as avoid sunlight, wait for an invitation before entering a dwelling, etc. The effect is purely mental, and can be counteracted by touching anything perceived to be holy.

Date of Recovery: 2023-10-01

Location of Recovery: An estate sale in Atlanta, GA, which featured a great deal of memorabilia from the movie Dracula and other vampire movies.

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: An empty antique ink well with the quill from a golden eagle. Once filled with ink and written, the writer will write in a combination of Latin, Greek, and Arabic, even if the writer does not know the language. If someone who can read all three languages were to read it, they would read a seemingly random scholarly writing from the Renaissance era with all mentions of the original author being replaced with the writer's name. These articles are often from unknown authors from Egypt, Rome, and Greece. The last article recorded was of a thaumaturgical ritual on how to use a soul to write memories.

Date of Recovery: 2003-08-05

Location of Recovery: A forest in Baiersbronn, Germany, surrounded by various pieces of parchment from different parts of the world, such as Egypt, Rome, and Greece.

Current Status: In storage at Site-54.

Item Description: A bottle labelled "Water from Styx". The bottle contains water with contamination comparable to local river water. When drunk, inner organs touched by the liquid become impervious to damage. The liquid has otherwise no noteworthy properties.

Date of Recovery: 2013-08-02

Location of Recovery: Pheneus, Greece

Current Status: Brought to Site-77 for long term storage.

Item Description: A 22cm combat knife. The object becomes anomalously dull and unable to cut when in contact with any object, unless the word "anything" is printed in English or Swedish on the object in question.

Date of Recovery: 1972-10-12

Location of Recovery: Malmö, Sweden

Current Status: Held in low-risk object storage at Site-120.

Anomalous Items 1321 - 1330

Item Description: A large size T-Shirt depicting the rock band "Cobra Starship" on the front, along with the phrase "Good Girls Gone Bad". Female-Identifying individuals who wore the shirt gained Black-Dyed hair and black eyeliner, as well as a reported change in attitude similar to that of one who follows the "Emo" subculture. Effects are reversed when shirt is taken off.

Date of Recovery: 2012-04-09

Location of Recovery: "Matty T's Thrift Store!" In ████, Illinois

Current Status: Held in a Size II object locker at Site-25

Item Description: A freshly caught fish, perpetually on fire. While undergoing combustion, the anomaly shows no sign of decay. Additionally it has a mind-altering effect which influences nearby individuals to react negatively to compliments, particularly regarding their appearance.

Date of Recovery: 2023-09-02

Location of Recovery: Reported to have spontaneously manifested in a server room in ██████ ███, where it was recovered.

Current Status: On 2024-██-██, the fire unexpectedly dissipated. Following this the fish began to slowly decay and no longer exhibited mental effects. After the object was confirmed to be Neutralized, it was incinerated.

Item Description: A 73 kilogram pumpkin that contains living human organs inside of it, including a heart, lungs, stomach, and brain, as well as teratomas composed of bone, muscle, and hair. Genetic analysis has determined that the genetics match those of missing person "David S. ████████" who went missing from his home in Oakland in 2016.

Date of Recovery: 10/31/2023

Location of Recovery: [REDACTED]

Current Status: Contained.

Item Description: Small metal and plastic key chain depicting a human brain with the legend "knowledge is power." Anyone who carries the item on their person for longer than 5 minutes gains the belief that they are highly knowledgeable about any subject being discussed. The item does not grant knowledge or intelligence, only the belief that the subject possesses them. Removing the item ends the effect.

Date of Recovery: 2023-10-27

Location of Recovery: A thrift store in Cincinnati, OH

Current Status: In storage.

Note: Investigation has revealed the original owner had ties to Group of Interest Are We Cool Yet?

Item Description: A photograph of the night sky. Subjects who look at the stars will report feeling melancholic. This effect subsides once visual contact is broken.

Date of Recovery: 12/21/1998

Location of Recovery: The ███████ residence in London, England.

Current Status: Currently in storage.

Item Description: A rubber ball, 30cm in diameter. Anyone who holds it will immediately report a sharp pain in their hand despite the lack of any sharp points.

Date of Recovery: 7/6/2008.

Location of Recovery: The ███████ high school in Trenton, New Jersey.

Current Status: In containment.

Item Description: A ████-brand bicycle with no wheels that functions as though it still has them. Attempting to put wheels on the bike will invariably result in them falling off.

Date of Recovery: 10/15/1990.

Location of Recovery: The ███████ residence in Springfield, Illinois.

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A 13yo British male, 161cm tall, whose center of gravity is located in its head, despite it being no larger than an average human head.

Date of Recovery: ██-██-2019

Location of Recovery: ███████ middle school in Essex, England.

Current Status: Kept in a standard humanoid cell. Currently undergoing physiological therapy to try and help with its condition.

Item Description: A birthday cake that, when bitten into, is recorded to have the same density as concrete. Attempting to cut into it with eating utensils has the same affect. Power tools are effective at cutting into it, but it has been discovered that one can stick their finger into as easily as one could into a normal cake. It tastes and breaks down like a normal cake in the digestive system.

Date of Recovery: 2/29/2000

Location of Recovery: On a table in an abandoned building in New York, New York.

Current Status: After some small tests, the item was disposed of.

Item Description: A Raggedy Ann doll with several robotic spiders legs protruding through it. Item is capable of locomotion, and shows behavioral patterns consistent with that of a common house cat.

Date of Recovery: 12/27/2009

Location of Recovery: ██████, Illinois.

Current Status: Kept in a low level containment locker.

Anomalous Items 1331 - 1340

Item Description: A Taurus TH9 pistol. When aimed at an individual under 14 years of age, the pistol is incapable of firing.

Date of Recovery: 2/27/2005.

Location of Recovery: Sao Paulo, Brazil.

Current Status: In a containment locker at Site 555.

Item Description: A fossilized tooth, roughly 3 meters in length, belonging to an unidentified creature. Carbon dating shows that the item is Pre-Cambrian.

Date of Recovery: June 24th, 1978.

Location of Recovery A history museum in Wichita, Kansas.

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A Renaissance era statue made from marble depicting a non-euclidean structure structure is euclidean in nature, but anyone who sees it will insist that it is non-euclidean. Viewing item indirectly, such as through cameras or videos, will counteract this effect.

Date of Recovery: April 5th, 2020.

Location of Recovery: A history museum in █████, Spain.

Current Status: In Dr. ███████'s office.

Item Description: An Equus ferus caballus18 that shares identical genetic makeup to Agent █████████. Subject shows no signs of sapience.

Date of Recovery: 7/6/2021

Location of Recovery: An abandoned farm in Boise, Idaho.

Current Status: Kept in a containment cell designed after a stable. Currently under the care of Dr. ███████.

Item Description: A 2-litre bottle of Pepsi which refills itself when not in a line of sight. While the liquid inside is chemically identical to normal Pepsi, subjects who drink will report it tasting like a random consumable liquid.

Date of Recovery: 1/21/2020.

Location of Recovery: █████████ college in Aberdeen, Washington.

Current Status: In a low level containment locker.

Item Description: A █████-brand guitar amp. Whenever any form of pornographic material is brought near it, it will begin to emit a loud shrieking noise reminiscent of a female adolescent in pain, regardless of whether or not it's plugged into a sufficient power source.

Date of Recovery: 7/26/2007

Location of Recovery: Saint Petersburg, Russia.

Current Status: Kept in Dr. ████████'s office.

Item Description: A wooden crucifix, heavily water-damaged. Anyone who holds onto it will invariably vomit a mix of sulfur, human blood, and [REDACTED].

Date of Recovery: 6/6/1966.

Location of Recovery: Paris, France.

Current Status: Incinerated.

Item Description: 4 mummified human cadavers, estimated to be from the late 13th century. When all 4 are within 6 meters of each other, they will begin to emit the sound of faint weeping.

Date of Recovery: 1/2/2020

Location of Recovery: Cairo, Egypt.

Current Status: In Site-200's morgue.

Item Description: A Japanese-Russian male, currently in his late 90's who is biologically immortal, but still ages at the same rate of a normal human.

Date of Recovery: 11/29/2022.

Location of Recovery: Moscow, Russia.

Current Status: Kept in a humanoid containment cell.

Item Description:A fully functional water fountain of unknown make or model that is constantly dripping water at intervals between 1 and 10 seconds between drips. Water still drips even if not connected to any water source. It is unknown where the water that goes into the drain goes. Testing has shown the water to be safe for human consumption.

Date of Recovery: 1992-02-05.

Location of Recovery:███████████ School in Neuss, Germany

Current Status: Held in Site-40 cafeteria.

Anomalous Items 1341 - 1350

Item Description: A vinyl record that, when put on a turntable, plays a different album every time. So far, 43% of plays have been of Norwegian Black Metal, 29% have been of Industrial Hip Hop, 15% have been of Ambient Noise Wall, 8% have been of Hardcore Punk, and the rest have varied.

Date of Recovery: 12/12/2021

Location of Recovery: ███████ Record Shop in Durham, North Carolina

Current Status: Held in Dr. Ferraro's office. Usage by other site staff must be permitted by Dr. Ferraro himself.

Item Description: AI chat bot that periodically responds to queries with information regarding the O5 Council. The Foundation was made aware of the bot after news organization Breitbart published an article about the O5 Council. Article was deleted, virtual amnestics were applied, and the editor responsible for the article was terminated.

Date of Discovery: 02/19/2022

Location of Discovery: N/A

Current Status: Taken offline following discovery. IT personnel are currently in the process of tracing the bot back to its creator.

Item Description:An antique lamp that, when turned off, erases the nearest person to it from existence.

Date of Discovery: 12/09/2019

Location for Discovery: Venice, Italy

Current Status: Incinerated.

Item Description: A hockey puck that, when used in a hockey game, causes the player currently handling it to attempt to get the puck to as great of a height as possible. This effect is contagious, and may spread to other players via physical contact.

Date of Recovery: 10/14/1992

Location of Recovery: ██████ High School, Ohio, USA.

Current Status: In low security containment locker at Site-99.

Item Description: The lack of a sandwich on one of Site-43’s cafeteria tables. It is unknown why there have been no attempts at placing a sandwich onto the table, despite multiple personnel claiming they intend to do so. Possibly antimemetic.

Date of Recovery: 12/05/2023

Location of Discovery: Site-43

Current Status: Desk has been moved to Site-43’s light containment.

Item Description: A set of poker cards, which emit an anomalous effect such that any poker table that comes within 30 feet of the cards will begin to degrade or decay at an as-of-yet undetermined but markedly increased rate. This effect will occur until the point where the table is effectively no longer recognizable or usable as table, after which the effect will cease.

Date of Recovery: 7/21/2013

Location of Recovery: Moscow, Russia

Current Status: Resides in a standard containment locker at Site-12.

Item Description: Two single serve ice cream bars, one vanilla-flavored and the other chocolate-flavored. The bars are wrapped in a light blue thin plastic wrap with no markings beyond the flavor of the bar and a nutritional label listing the calories per serving as 456,280. A third bar, labeled as strawberry-flavored, was mistaken for a misprinted product and consumed after retrieval by Agent █████. Agent █████ experienced severe trauma to their digestive system almost immediately after consumption, and remains in critical condition.

Date of Recovery: October 5th, 2018

Location of Recovery: ███████ ████, Auberg, Austria.

Current Status: Two unwrapped bars kept in frozen storage, wrapper of third bar considered lost.

Item Description: A 2014 model Dell Latitude E7440 laptop. Item contains a program titled 'InfiniteMoney.exe' that holds the exact winning EuroMillion lottery numbers, as well as the location for where the ticket is held. Tickets are for the following Friday.

Date of Recovery: November 7th, 2015.

Location of Recovery: ███████, Paris, France.

Current Status: Kept in a high storage locker in Site-314.

Item Description: A standard plant pot that when observed, causes the observer to have a uncontrollable desire to fill it with water. All attempts to fill the pot have been unsuccessful.

Date of Recovery: 7/11/93

Location of Recovery: San Francisco, California.

Current status: Accidentally shattered during testing. Shattered pieces had no anomalous properties. Object deemed neutralized.

Item Description: A sweater that depicts the logo of SCP-2206's Texas Renegades. Below the log is the wordmark "Winners of the 2023 World Series!" Aside from the security breach it represents, item has no anomalous properties.

Date of Recovery: 11/7/23

Location of Recovery: Globe Life Field, Arlington, Texas.

Current Status: Kept in a low storage locker at Site-99.

Anomalous Items 1351 - 1360

Item Description: A papier-mâché mask of a red-colored devil, which possesses the thirteenth-highest CCRCD19 and the eighteenth-highest CRCD overall (48-).

The item is atypical in that it confers its effect not to its wearer, but to those around it, with its range only limited by the perception of the wearer.

Date of Recovery: 12/13/13.

Location of Recovery: Albuquerque, New Mexico. The past owner of the mask was found dead, after having been struck in the head by a falling mirror.

Current Status: Contained within a high-security object vault at Site-666.

Item Description: A keychain that resembles a standard birthday cake which duplicates when it is observed. On the bottom of the chain reads "871".

Date of Recovery: 3/28/14.

Location of Recovery: Outside Site-40's entrance.

Current Status: On 4/1/14, all instances except the original de-manifested. The bottom of the original now reads "April Fools".

Item Description: A portable blue push button with a large white "X" on its surface. When pressed, whoever pressed it has their name (first, last, etc.) modified to contain one more X. This results in both them and anyone who knew them believing that this has always been their name and documents of any kind being instantaneously transformed to reflect this change. Memories are not completely modified, however, so the subject will still remember using their previous name, though they will always deny it ever having been their name.

Date of Recovery: 3/5/23.

Location of Recovery: The █████ Walmart Supercenter.

Current Status: In containment at the cognitohazard wing of Site-73. Permission must be granted from the Site-73 site director before testing.

Note: I've tested the object three times and it doesn't seem to work. -Jr. Researcher Xavier Foxx.

Item Description: A pair of plastic glasses with no markings or brands listed on the object, colored black. The lens are in the shape of a 5 pointed star, with the left lens flipped upside-down. Subjects wearing the glasses report no anomalous effects when both eyes are open. However, if the subject closes their right eye, the subject will have their sight flipped, viewing the world upside-down. If the subject closes their left eye, the subject will have their sight distorted, with the specific distortion varying (ranging from what subjects describe as "like a fun house mirror" to a fish lens effect). The effects will continue until the subject opens both of their eyes while they are still wearing the glasses. If the subject takes the glasses off, their vision will remain changed until they put back on the glasses with both eyes open.

Date of Recovery: 8/5/14.

Location of Recovery: Inside an abandoned residential house in Mt. Dora, FL. No occupants spotted or found.

Current Status: In Storage.

Item Description: Wall clock, consistent with early 1950s manufacture, minor signs of wear. No information regarding the manufacturer or the brand of the item is visible. Instead of the standard 12 hours, the item has 13, and seems to keep time according to a 65-minute hour. As far as can be determined, the item keeps accurate time as well as could be expected from a clock from the period; however, using it as a time piece is difficult due to the necessity of converting to standard time.

Date of Recovery: 12/11/2023

Location of Recovery: Inside the lost and found bin of [REDACTED] Middle School, Chicago, IL.

Current Status: On the wall of Dr. Callahan's office.

Item Description: A children's wind-up cartoon robot toy. When the object's key is wound up, the object's legs will move, but not perform any locomotive motion. Instead, within a 5m radius, a random object will move in the cardinal direction the robot is facing. The speed of the affected object is dependent upon its mass. The object cannot affect any item that is larger than itself. Items are effected by gravity when in motion.

Date of Recovery: 5/5/1955

Location of Recovery: The break-room of a toy store in London, UK.

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A standard magnetic name tag. Always displays the wearer's preferred name and pronouns.

Date of Recovery: 07/07/23

Location of Recovery: Hiring & Regulation Orientation, Site-64.

Current Status: Currently in use by H&R Conflict Resolution Specialist Crystal.

Item Description: A .mp4 file of Episode 4 of Murder Drones. Once viewed, a copy of Uzi Doorman20 will appear behind any unseen area and attempt to break the neck of the viewer. The copy can be easily neutralized. Any attempts to crop or delete the file result in the same thing, along with the file returning.

Date of Recovery: 12/17/23

Location of Recovery: Unknown

Current Status: Currently saved on Dr. Xenola's Macbook.

Item Description: A Mus musculus21. Organism is genetically identical to Ficus bengalensis22.

Date of Recovery: 8/24/87.

Location of Recovery: Jacksonville, Florida.

Current Status: Died of natural causes.

Item Description: A hard drive containing a copy of The Sims 4. When loaded onto a device that is understood to be owned by a subject, all the default characters will resemble the friends and family of the subject. Otherwise, the game functions identically to its nonanomalous counterpart.

Date of Recovery: 10/14/2023

Location of Recovery: Inside a residential building in Miami, FL

Current Status: In storage.

Anomalous Items 1361 - 1370

Item Description: A shirt with the crossfit mascot "pukie the clown" on the front. Upon any person wearing it, they will tell everyone they can perceive that they do crossfit, and will try to access the nearest gym to perform exercises often performed in crossfit gyms.23

Date of Recovery: 7/21/2017

Location of Recovery: Inside of a Gold's Gym in Santa Cruz, CA.

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A parking meter. If used by a male individual, their testicles and genitalia will spontaneously explode. If used by a female individual, the nearest male individual’s testicles and genitalia will spontaneously explode.

Date of Recovery: 27/12/2023

Location of Recovery: Manhattan, New York, United States

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A wooden doorstop that can be unfolded into the concept of being alone.24

I’m personally a big fan of Mountain Dew.

Date of Recovery: That one time25

Location of Recovery: Site-⌘

Current Status: Used to keep Site-⌘‘s third closet from opening.26

Item Description: A standard metallic silver coin featuring two distinct unidentified symbols on opposing sides. When tossed in the presence of an individual, the coin induces a gradual and irreversible memory loss of the past 24 hours for the person observing the toss. The effect persists as the coin flips in the air and culminates upon its subsequent catch. Notably, the individual who initiates the toss remains unaffected by its cognitive effects.

Date of Recovery: 26/11/2023

Location of Recovery: Discovered resting on the floor within the breakroom premises of Site-999.

Current Status: In Storage.

Item Description: Site-32 junior researcher Jeffrey Mackey. Despite claiming to be fully heterosexual, individuals tasked with describing Dr. Mackey will invariably label him as a 'gay icon'.

Date of Recovery: 12/02/2022

Location of Recovery: Site-32.

Current Status: No action taken; Dr. Mackey continues to work at Site-32.

"He's fucking lying." - Dr. Mackey's husband

Item Description: A copy of Eldest by Christopher Paolini. Every time the book is opened, the reader fluently speaks in one of the fictional languages for 30 minutes, with no apparent knowledge of the language.

Date of Recovery: 01/11/2024

Location of Recovery: A high school library in [REDACTED], Ireland.

Current Status: In a storage locker at Site-17.

"How the hell does this even work? Hvat unin du nam abr Azura?" - Dr. Strix Direnni.

Item Description: A printed copy of the SCP-131 file. Item flies around in circles when not kept in a container or held down by a weight, but is otherwise indistinguishable from normal paper.

Date of Recovery: 02/06/2023

Location of Recovery: Site-█

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: Standard wall clock, unknown make. Anyone viewing the object becomes compelled to continue doing so until line of sight is broken. Although subjects are incapable of voluntarily looking away, the effect is otherwise mild and can be easily broken if some outside force attracts the subject's attention, such as their name being called.

Date of Recovery: 1/20/24

Location of Recovery: In the employee break room of a Burger King restaurant, El Paso, TX

Current Status: In storage.

Note: This item came to the Foundation's attention after numerous reports of employees blankly staring at the clock. Records are unclear exactly when the clock was acquired, but it appears to have been at the location of recovery for at least four months before the anomalous property became apparent. - Researcher Somerset

Item Description: A standard A-4 sized blank paper that manifests the comprehensive biodata of an individual upon contact with the person's thumb. This effect is transient, ceasing when the individual's thumb is no longer in contact with the paper. The displayed data vanishes upon removal of contact and reappears solely upon subsequent physical interaction.

Date of Recovery: 24/12/2023

Location of Recovery: The item originated from an experimentation conducted with SCP-914 at Site-19.

Current Status: In Storage.

Item Description: A standard single subject spiral notebook that when written in, attempts to correct any spelling or grammar mistakes. These corrections are often nonsensical or wrong. Upon closing the notebook, all writing is erased.

Date of Recovery: 1/3/2024

Location of Recovery: Livonia, Michigan.

Current Status: In Storage.

Anomalous Items 1371 - 1380

Item Description: Small ceramic container, similar in size to a standard cereal bowl, with a lid. Bowl and lid are painted black with yellow question marks. When the lid is removed, the bowl will contain objects of the time the person who touched it was thinking of most recently. Unique items, such as SCP-level objects, art pieces, or anomalous items, cannot be replicated. Only items capable of completely fitting in the bowl can be replicated. The items can be removed and used as expected, and appear to remain in existence indefinitely. When the lid is replaced, any items still in the bowl demanifest.

Date of Recovery: 1/28/2024

Location of Recovery: Richmond, Virginia.

Current Status: Being tested.

Item Description: Small wind-up music box containing a figurine of a ballerina. When wound by a human subject, the box plays a song with a meaningful connection to the subject's childhood, typically one invoking positive memories. Subjects often prefer to hear the music to completion, but this is believed to be due to nostalgia rather than anything anomalous.

Date of Recovery: 1/14/2024

Location of Recovery: An estate sale in Boston, Massachusetts.

Current Status: Available at Site 26, for use by all personnel.

Item Description: Wooden box of a size typically used for jewelry boxes. The lid is decorated with a painting of cherry trees in traditional Japanese style. The underside of the box has the words "property of Wilma F. Greyson" written on it in black marker. All subjects display reluctance to open the box, saying that it's "not theirs" and that "Mrs. Greyson wouldn't want me to." This occurs even if the subject has not read the words written on the underside of the box. If pressed to open the box, subjects refuse to remove anything from it, insisting that doing so would be stealing. Box contains inexpensive jewelry.

Date of Recovery: 2/1/2024

Location of Recovery: A storage unit in Key West, Florida.

Current Status: In storage. Investigation into the Wilma F. Greyson in question is ongoing.

Note: The owner of the storage unit had bought the entire unit and its contents, sight unseen, at an auction. He claimed not to know anyone by that name, but maintained that he was "keeping the box until Mrs. Greyson comes back for it." When it was pointed out that he knew no such person, he was unable to explain the oddity. - Researcher Somerset

Item Description: Black cotton/polyester blend T-shirt printed with the Batman logo. When touched by a human subject, the shirt resizes itself for an ideal fit, neither overly tight nor overly loose. How this occurs is not known, and the change appears to be instantaneous.

Date of Recovery: 2/3/2024

Location of Recovery: Abandoned on a park bench in Chicago, IL.

Current Status: In storage.

Note: When they said "one size fits all," they weren't kidding. - Agent O'Reilly

Item Description: Blue plastic storage bin. "Socks" has been written on one side in black marker. When the item is unobserved, socks will appear in the bin at random intervals. These socks occasionally match other socks already in the bin, but only very rarely and seemingly by chance. Where they come from is not known.

Date of Recovery: 2/4/2024

Location of Recovery: An abandoned apartment in Las Vegas, NV.

Current Status: In storage. Available at Site 17, for use by all personnel.

Note: After a missing sock belonging to an agent assigned to the Site was found in this item, it was placed in a more accessible location in case of similar incidents.

Item Description: Acrylic painting of a Canada goose swimming in a small lake. The goose is shown near the left edge of the frame. Any human subject viewing the painting for longer than 3 1/2 minutes becomes convinced that the goose is trying to escape or has already done so. In the latter case, the effect extends to a belief that the goose is pursuing them, for reasons which cannot be articulated. This typically ends after 24 hours, but can occasionally last longer. █ subjects required psychological counseling to end the effect.

Date of Recovery: February 6th, 2024

Location of Recovery: An art gallery in New York City.

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A "cheap" 36 33 32-pack collection of common sports equipment, such as balls, bats, rackets, paddles, gloves, helmets, and other items of unknown brand. Equipment will semi-frequently phase through solid matter with the exception of floors or the ground, and freeze mid-air. Users of the equipment often blame "low quality" or "cheapness".

Date of Recovery: February 22nd, 2024

Location of Recovery: Walmart backroom in Norfolk, Virginia.

Current Status: Kept in a sports cart at Site-19's recreational center.

Note: "I threw a ball. It froze for 5 seconds, phased through the catcher, bounced off concrete, phased through 3 fences, and hit some poor janitor. Where can I leave a review on this low quality garbage? Already, we've lost several balls from them rolling god-knows-where through walls!" - Recreational Director ████

Item Description: A single piece of paper with a crude crayon drawing of a laughing emoji (😂) on it. When written about in a digital medium, it links the last word of every sentence to a video on YouTube.com; usually one that is intended as a humorous "parody" of an existing song by a well known artist. If the last word of a sentence is the name of an actual musician, that word will be linked to a video "parodying" a song by that musician; for example: HarryEdwardStyles. If the mentioned musician is one who has no "parody" videos made about them, the last word will be linked to a randomly selected video.

Date of Recovery: February 24th, 2024

Location of Recovery: A child delivery room in a hospital in Cardiff, Wales, the UK.

Current Status: Kept in the personal possession of Dr. Chair in Site-57 Site-59.

Note: Item was found shriveled in the clutched hands of a newborn child. It is unknown how the item found its way into the womb of a pregnant woman.

Item Description: A small stuffed turtle that, when left unobserved, will disappear and relocate to a new hidden location. During this, it displayed no visual or auditory cues while doing so, however, some witnesses claim to hear giggling coming from the object. It will then stay stationary until it is found. When observing, it will stay immobilised.

Date of Recovery: February 29th, 2024

Location of recovery: Inside an empty dumpster outside an abandoned house in Columbus, Ohio.

Current Status: Inside a high-security storage locker at Site-81.

Anomalous Items 1381 - 1390

Item Description: Elizabeth Morris, daughter of Foundation researcher, Rachel Morris. Subject is unaffected by the cessation of time and other similar phenomena, however shows no means of controlling it at present. Origin of anomalous properties believed to simply be fortuitous.

Date of Recovery: ██-██-19██

Location of Recovery: [REDACTED], United States.

Current Status: Amnesticized following confirmation of their anomalous properties. Subject currently resides in [REDACTED]. Dr. Morris continues to monitor the subject remotely on a bi-monthly basis.

Update: See attached file for further details.

Item Description: Item is a ████████-brand pack of cigarettes that contains no cigarettes. Any cigarette placed inside the pack will no longer be visible when the pack is opened again. D-Class personnel involved in testing have observed feeling the pack slowly return to its empty weight while being held, but it will rapidly returning to the weight to which it was filled if observed again before the pack completely returns to its empty weight. This phenomena does not apply to non-cigarette objects, such as coins, paper, lighters, stone, meat, or vegetable matter, which retain their weight and will always remain in the pack. It does, however, apply to other tobacco and nicotine products, such as cigars, chewing tobacco, and paraphernalia such as pipes and electronic cigarettes, so long as they are small enough to fit inside the pack.

Date of Recovery: March 19th, 2024

Location of recovery: Found discarded in the parking lot outside of Foundation Site-19's Outpost-Gamma.

Current Status: Contained in low-priority object storage.

Item Description: A Kennedy half dollar, minted 1994. When used in a coin toss, the result will alternate between heads and tails with perfect consistency. If the coin is flipped an uneven number of times, it will always land balanced on its edge.

Date of Recovery: 2018-05-23

Location of Recovery: Spearfish, South Dakota.

Current Status: Held in the Low-Risk Inanimate Objects Warehouses at Site-76.

Note: Reported by Junior Researchers Rose and Stern after "best of three", "best of five" and "best of seven" contests all ended in stalemate.

Item Description: A ballpoint pen with blue ink, matches many commercially available pens. When used by any human subject, the writing will always be in a handwriting that has not yet been identified, but remains consistent across all uses and subjects. Ink runs out as normal and can be refilled; this does not affect the anomalous property.

Date of Recovery: March 21st, 2024

Location of Recovery: A doctor's office in Richmond, Virginia

Current Status: Being tested.

Note: Handwriting experts are being consulted regarding the results of using the pen, in hopes of identifying whose handwriting the pen creates. - Researcher Somerset

Item Description: Small hourglass, wood and glass construction, which contains 5 minutes' worth of sand. Carved into the wooden base is the phrase "defy expectations". When flipped, the sand in the glass flows upward, against gravity, from the bottom to the top.

Date of Recovery: March 21st, 2024

Location of Recovery: A thrift store in Miami, Florida.

Current Status: In storage.

Note: The store this item was found in has no record of it ever being acquired. All staff denied knowledge of having purchased it. - Agent O'Reilly

Item Description: A paring knife, functionally identical to many commercially available examples. Carved into the handle are the words "be careful." When used as a knife, the user will be highly paranoid of cutting his/her hands, although never actually do so. Whether this is due to the user's paranoia or the item's anomalous effect is unknown.

Date of Recovery: March 19th, 2024

Location of Recovery: Houston, Texas

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: Painting, oil and acrylic, depicting unidentified individuals in a large room lavishly decorated in late 19th century style. When viewed by a human subject who has seen the object at least once before, the subject is convinced that the figures have moved somehow, but is unable to articulate exactly how the figures moved. The figures remain stationary at all times.

Date of Recovery: March 22nd, 2024

Location of Recovery: Jefferson City, Missouri

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: Small hand mirror in a wooden frame decorated with carvings of seals. When used as a mirror by a human subject, the reflection displayed is what the subject wishes they looked like rather than an accurate reflection.

Date of Recovery: March 25th, 2024

Location of Recovery: Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Current Status: In storage. In a locked secure storage container.

Item Description: Deck of playing cards, unknown manufacturer. When held by a subject from a country with a currently existing monarchy, the faces of the "face" cards (king, queen, and jack) will resemble members of that country's royal family.

Date of Recovery: March 28th, 2024

Location of Recovery: Portland, Oregon

Current Status: Available for use by all personnel.

Item Description: A finely crafted music box featuring a rotating ballerina figure on top and playing melodies recognized from The Nutcracker has been observed. Upon activation via a twisting mechanism, the music box emits audible tunes, compelling individuals within proximity, regardless of physical impairments, to engage in balletic movements until the cessation of the music. Additionally, there exists a probability for autonomous activation of the music box, manifesting at irregular intervals.

Date of Recovery: 26/10/2021

Location of Recovery: Item was recovered by Dr. Pixie Bubbles and subsequently submitted at Site-24-AZ.

Current Status: In Storage.

Notes: "We conducted experiments involving various animals, and our findings indicate that the mechanism exclusively demonstrates efficacy in mice." - Dr. Pixie Bubbles

Anomalous Items 1391 - 1400

Item Description: A pair of █████ █████ brand headphones. When worn in an empty room, the entry of another human will result in the feeling of a tapping on the wearer's left shoulder.

Date of Recovery: 2024-04-01

Location of Recovery: ██████ ███ ████ School, Shuangyashan, Heilongjiang, China

Current Status: Held in a Size-III object storage locker at Site-248.

Item Description: A █████████ brand waffle-maker. If this waffle-maker is powered while empty and the lid is closed and reopened, one fresh pancake will appear inside it. If this process is conducted while the waffle-maker contains batter, the batter will be replaced or transmuted into one strip of bacon. The insertion of bacon has no effect. Retrieved pancakes and retrieved bacon are identical to all other retrieved instances.

Date of Recovery: 2024-04-01

Location of Recovery: ██████████████ Cafe, Bruges, Belgium

Current Status: Held in a Size-III object storage locker at Site-68.

Item Description: One unopened bottle of wood glue which cannot be separated from human skin. If contacting the skin of two separate humans, it can be separated from either without trouble, but not both.

Date of Recovery: 2014-02-02

Location of Recovery: Parma City Hall, Parma, Ohio, USA

Current Status: Held with amputated skin from D-156998-06's thigh in a Size-II object storage locker with appropriate biohazard warnings.

Item Description: Partially dismantled external hard drive with seemingly limitless storage capacity. Originally contained 15.2 TB of pirated movies and TV shows, 78% of which being episodes of Seinfeld.

Date of Recovery: 01/01/2001

Location of Recovery: An estate sale in Trenton, New Jersey.

Current Status: Being tested at Site-15.

Item Description: One newspaper folded into a living adult male Trichonephila clavata27 approximately 25 centimeters in length. AO-1395 displays expected behavior for its species, and has attempted copulation with anomalous and nonanomalous introduced female T. clavata specimens, though no offspring have been produced. As AO-1395 does not require sustenance, care must be taken to prevent it from drinking water and thus harming its fragile body.

Date of Recovery: 2023-08-08

Location of Recovery: ████ █████ ██ fraternity house in Athens, Georgia, USA

Current Status: Held in Site-25's arachnology wing. AO-1395 has been nicknamed "Ori" by its containment staff.

Item Description: One plastic recreation of the Lament Configuration from the Hellraiser franchise. Item is antimemetically cloaked and is only perceptible to members of the BDSM fetish community.

Date of Recovery: 2008-04-13

Location of Recovery: MC&D auction advertised as "Marshall, Carter, & Dark After Dark!" in Vancouver, Canada

Current Status: Held in a Size-III object storage locker at Site-41.

Item Description: One sexualized costume resembling a schoolgirl uniform. Any female individual of east Asian descent below the age of 25 who views this outfit will begin vomiting until it is removed from their sight.

Date of Recovery: 2008-04-13

Location of Recovery: MC&D auction advertised as "Marshall, Carter, & Dark After Dark!" in Vancouver, Canada

Current Status: Held in a standard cloth storage unit at Site-60 with appropriate memetic biohazard warnings. Missing as of 2013-██-██.

Item Description: One brightly colored "furry" tail and attached buttplug. All humans viewing the wearer are able to determine with perfect accuracy whether they are currently happy, as long as the tails remains unobscured. Despite this property, no visible change occurs in the tail.

Date of Recovery: 2008-04-13

Location of Recovery: MC&D auction advertised as "Marshall, Carter, & Dark After Dark!" in Vancouver, Canada

Current Status: Held in a Size-IV object storage locker at Site-60.

Item Description: 3 cm x 6 cm scrap from a medieval manuscript depicting an imp with grotesquely enlarged genitals. All penile and testicular pain is dramatically amplified within a 10 meter radius, and any wounds in such areas do not heal until this radius is left.

Date of Recovery: 2008-04-13

Location of Recovery: MC&D auction advertised as "Marshall, Carter, & Dark After Dark!" in Vancouver, Canada

Current Status: Held in Site-147's demonics wing, Demonic Biohazard Lab S147-L302

Item Description: Metal muffin pan, of suitable size for baking 1 dozen muffins. When batter is poured into the pan and baked, paper liners suitable for muffins or cupcakes will be found when the pan is removed from the oven. If liners are inserted beforehand, no others will manifest. How this occurs is unknown. All forms of watching the pan, including remote methods, have proven inconclusive. This typically operates through coincidence, such as the person watching the camera is distracted by something at the moment the anomalous effect occurs. Testing to find out if a probabilistic anomaly causes this is awaiting approval.

Date of Recovery: April 14th, 2024

Location of Recovery: An estate sale in Springfield, MO

Current Status: In storage.

Anomalous Items 1401 - 1410

Item Description: A screw composed of an unknown metal alloy, floating approximately five meters above ground level. Object can be moved; however, it will continue to levitate five meters off the ground.

Date of Recovery: 03-20-2024

Location of Recovery: Moscow, Russia

Current Status: Site-330 storage.

Item Description: The shell of a Coenobita clypeatus28 that emits a faint noise of the ocean waters, occasional thunder can be heard as well. The shell is speculated to be a dimensional portal to an alternate reality or area, however further testing is deemed unfeasible as the item is small and extremely fragile.

Date of Recovery: 04-03-2024

Location of Recovery: Washed up on shore in Florida, USA.

Current Status: Site-330's storage facility.

Item Description: A black baseball cap, bearing as sewed word saying "Wear 4 Luck". When a subject wears the cap, around $100 of the subject's nationality will manifest in the subject's wallet, or any pocket noticeable by the subject. If the subject does not bear any pockets, however, the money will manifest in the subject's internal organs or cavities.

Date of Recovery: 23-12-2023

Location of Recovery: Soekarno–Hatta International Airport, Indonesia.

Current Status: In a locker in Site-330.

Item Description A pineapple plant (Ananas comosus) which bears a different fruit or vegetable each year. So far, since its discovery, it has yet to bear any pineapples. All fruit and vegetables borne by the plant are perfectly healthy and edible.

Date of Recovery 2023-5-11

Location of Recovery Alajuela, Costa Rica.

Current Status Planted in the communal garden at Site-101.

Item Description A ceramic bowl that turns anything poured into it into apple-flavoured porridge of the Quaker brand. Testing has shown that all food, beverages and non-edible substances become the porridge including water, soup, coffee, wine, blood and [REDACTED].

Date of Recovery 2020-6-6

Location of Recovery Croy, Inverness, Scotland.

Current Status Stored in the cafeteria of Site-114.

Item Description A 114-sided polygon 0.24m in diameter that emits a high pitched beep (1661.22hz or G#6) at 101db for one second every 14 seconds. Origin, function, materials and inner workings are all still under investigation.

Date of Recovery 2019-11-01

Location of Recovery Manchester, UK

Current Status Stored in a sound-proof safe in Site-72.

Item Description Three ceramic egg cups that repel eggs. All eggs and egg-like objects are repelled from plastic toy hen eggs to frogspawn.

Date of Recovery 2017-03-27

Location of Recovery Second-hand store in Brooklawn, NJ

Current Status Stored in a low security locker at Site-110.

Item Description A Praetorian Helmet that, when worn, induces the wearer to vocalize the phrase "glory to Caesar."

Date of Recovery 10/20/2010

Location of Recovery Mojave Desert, Nevada

Current Status Lost in Raid By Serpents Hand

Item Description: A hamster of an unidentified breed, grey and white in color, capable of subtle physiological manipulation when in the presence of 2 or more sentient organisms; it has been observed that it will attempt to gradually damage or break relationships between organisms that possess them, mainly humans or other hamsters. Item has displayed signs of sapience, being able to manipulate objects using it's front paws with great dexterity, emoting with body language, and possessing great understanding of English and Japanese.

Date of Recovery: 06/27/2003

Location of Recovery: San Fransisco, California. Object first came to Foundation attention upon repeated reports of domestic violence in the area and a "Hamster looking though windows", item was found observing a family though a patio window and was captured after an hour long chase.

Current Status: Kept in isolated portion of an animal containment unit at Site-██. Only a singular staff member is allowed to interact with the item at a time to avoid the anomalous effect.

Item Description: An adult taxidermy model of the species Canis lupus. Human subjects aged 9-16 that come into physical contact with the item will experience all of the "forty mystical dreams" that Italian Catholic priest John Melchior Bosco (Italian: Giovanni Melchiorre Bosco) had throughout his lifetime in successive order for the span of one (1) year.

Date of Recovery: 1998-06-12

Location of Recovery: In a priest's private residence in Valdocco, Turin, Italy.

Current Status: Stored inside a Type-S Object Containment Unit at Area-22.

Anomalous Items 1411 - 1420

Item Description: An indestructible obsidian rock, measuring 5.4cm x 4.3cm x 4.4cm. If a human subject holds the object in their palm and vocalizes a phrase, the item will audibly articulate the same phrase into Spanish. However, vocalizing incoherent or unintelligible expressions will not elicit any response from the object.

Date of Recovery: 2003-04-23

Location of Recovery: Discovered within a GoI-037 storage facility located in Celaya, Mexico following Foundation incursion into the building.

Current Status: Stored inside Locker-047AN at Research Site-24.

Item Description: An electronic device named "Bubblebook 1" resembling a typical MacBook developed by an unidentified electronics enterprise known as "Bubble Ducky Technologies Inc." The laptop features an LED duck logo on its rear and is purportedly impervious to all forms of damage. The specifications of the laptop allegedly surpass the indicated parameters on its packaging. No corroborating records of the existence of this company or any other instances of their products have been substantiated.

Date of Recovery: 06/05/2024

Location of Recovery: Local electronics store in Arizona, US.

Current Status: In Storage.

Item Description: A standard rake that, when used to rake leaves into a pile, spontaneously generates a trail of leaves in the place of the leaves that have just been raked into the pile.

Date of Recovery: 2024-05-7

Location of Recovery: Found in a pile of leaves in Toronto, Canada

Current Status: In a low security storage container almost constantly covered in a pile of leaves.

Item Description: A copy of The Noble Cat by Howard Loxton, the text of which is periodically replaced with the text of The Ultimate Dog Book by David Taylor. This occurs approximately once every fifty-five days (± 14.66 hours) and persists for precisely fifty-one minutes, at which point the text reverts. Images remain unaffected. Text is limited by the number of characters on a page (including punctuation and excluding spaces); for example, there are sixty-nine characters on the title page of The Noble Cat, which are replaced with sixty-nine characters from the half-title and title pages of The Ultimate Dog Book. Characters exceeding the given limit for a page overflow to the next, often in the middle of a word. Text of The Ultimate Dog Book repeats following conclusion of the picture credits.

Date of Recovery: 5/20/2024

Location of Recovery: Junior Researcher Lauren's home, where it and a non-anomalous copy of The Ultimate Dog Book had been serving as decoration. Junior Researcher Lauren discovered the anomaly after deciding to read both books and subsequently leaving them open on the floor; the altered text was observed several days later.

Current Status: In the Sector-25 break room.

Notes: That was my mom's. Can I at least keep it at my desk? - Jr. Researcher Lauren

Item Description: Fountain pen, no manufacturer's information visible. Consistent with styles common in the early 20th century. Can be filled with ink as normal; however, when used to write, the ink will be in the writer's favorite color. If used to write without being filled, ink of the writer's favorite color will manifest through unknown means as the pen is used.

Date of Recovery: May 22nd, 2024

Location of Recovery: Abandoned at a gas station in Providence, Rhode Island

Current Status: At Site-76, available for use by all personnel.

Item Description: A topographical paper map of the state of Nevada that is constantly changing to display an up-to-date version of every detail of the actual state's topology.

Date of Recovery: 5/26/2024

Location of Recovery: A classroom at █████ Junior High School, Nevada

Current Status: In Storage

Notes: This thing is actually really cool. I've been looking at it with a microscope all day, and I can even see peoples' footprints on the ground. - Researcher Miles Snow

Item Description: A partially opened 5 oz. aluminum can labeled "Intrusive Thoughts". Any human subject who views the can's interior will receive vivid mental images of themselves slicing one of their eyeballs with the can's lid. This effect lingers even after the item is out of view, though it subsides after 10–20 minutes. Damage to the lid suggests that an attempt had been made to reseal the item prior to recovery.

Date of Recovery: 06-03-2024

Location of Recovery: Cedar Springs, Colorado

Current Status: In an opaque storage locker within Site-31.

Item Description: A 1m×2m polyester transgender pride flag, non-anomalous except for provenance.

Date of Recovery: 4 June 2024

Location of Recovery: A time capsule in Lewiston, Idaho, that had been sealed for the previous 50 years.

Current Status: In storage at Site-81.

Notes: The transgender pride flag was not designed until 1999, by which point the time capsule that would, when opened, contain AO-1418 had already been sealed for 25 years. - Researcher Vikki McKee

Item Description: A metallic, silver gray colored towel rack. Despite its appearance, it consists entirely of a copper alloy, specifically brass. Samples taken from the object show no known chemical or physical deviations from non-anomalous brass.

Date of Recovery: 4/3/2013

Location of Recovery: Private residence in Miami, Florida

Current Status: In storage at Site-76.

Item Description: A chocolate bar decorated with bubble patterns, under the brand name "Chocolotsacoco". This brand of chocolate bar, as well as its manufacturer Cometica Confections, does not exist. Bar is covered in tiny pockets, which the packaging claims is air bubbles filled with cocoa powder. Any liquid stirred with the candy bar is turned into chocolate milk through unknown means, provided the liquid is carbonated. During this transformation, all solid objects completely submerged in the liquid turn into ice. The resultant chocolate milk is perpetually carbonated, but otherwise considered non-anomalous and safe to drink. This effect extends to liquids generally deemed unsafe for human consumption. Attempting to eat the bar, however, has proven fatal, as any living creature that produces CO² will have their blood turned into chocolate milk after digestion.

Date of Recovery: May 31st, 2024

Location of Recovery: █████████ Chocolate World, Hershey, PA. Found in gift shop.

Current Status: In storage.

Anomalous Items 1421 - 1430

Item Description: Hinged wooden box, the size of most standard jewellery boxes, painted with images of ducks in flight. At random intervals (typically between 20 minutes and one hour), an unidentified female voice will be heard saying "Let me out!", "I'm trapped in here!" and similar phrases, seemingly coming from the box. If the box is opened after hearing the voice, the voice will stop speaking immediately. Nothing has been found in or on the box that could cause this, and the voice does not respond when spoken to.

Date of Recovery: May 31st, 2024

Location of Recovery: A thrift store in Eureka, California

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: Small plastic comb, visually similar to most commercially available pocket combs. Despite having clearly been mass-produced, no manufacturer's information is visible. Anyone touching the comb hears multiple voices whispering in an as-yet-unidentified language. If the subject pays too much attention to the voices or addresses them in any language, the voices stop speaking, as though aware that they were being overheard. The source of the voices has not been determined, seeming to be somewhere behind the subject.

Date of Recovery: June 1st, 2024

Location of Recovery: Abandoned at a BART station in San Francisco, California

Current Status: Being tested.

Item Description: Wooden mug decorated with a painting of a wooden sailing ship of 17th century construction under full sail. Any liquid poured into the mug will become whichever variety of alcohol the intended drinker most prefers at the moment. It is unclear how the item is aware of this information. If the item is passed to another person, the liquid contained will be transmuted.

Date of Recovery: June 3rd, 2024

Location of Recovery: At a garage sale in Kalamazoo, Michigan.

Current Status: Available for use by personnel.

Note: This item is only to be used after working hours. Drinking alcohol on duty is not permitted.

Item Description: One adult female Gallus domesticus29 of the Plymouth Rock breed. Whether an egg produced by AO-1426 is fertilized or unfertilized is immediately apparent to any human observer despite possessing no visual distinction. Sapient nonhumans are unaffected.

Date of Recovery: 2024-06-07

Location of Recovery: Private business ostensibly portrayed as an animal research lab, Springfield, Massachusetts, USA.

Current Status: Held in Poultry Enclosure 3 at Site-25.

Item Description: One Lianhua Supermarket shopping bag. All testudines30 within a 5 kilometer radius of this item are selectively intangible to all forms of plastic. Prior to containment, this ability was observed being used by local testudines for avoiding suffocation, obtaining food from sealed containers, and restraining or evading mates, rivals, and predators who had only recently entered the area and thus were unaware of how to use this ability.

Date of Recovery: 2015-09-07

Location of Recovery: Drain pipe in ████████ ████ Subdistrict, Pudong, Shanghai, China

Current Status: Held in a Size-III object storage locker in Site-109-D's Biohazard Exclusion Wing.

Item Description: A floret of brassica oleracea31 with the stem painted brown. Any observer, sapient or not, that sees this floret in the presence of a tree believes that the floret is, in fact, a tree, and behaves accordingly. This memetic effect ends only if the exposed specimen does not see a tree for approximately 24 hours, though it ends early if the specimen becomes aware that the floret isn't a tree (for example, someone taking a bite out of it). Nothing has caused the memetic properties to dissipate; removing the paint, eating parts of the floret, and even the floret rotting haven't stopped specimens from identifying it as a tree in the presence of another tree, even when the rotten bits were arranged into the shape of an entirely different object. After the pieces were mistakenly taken from Dr. Frisk's office to the incinerator and destroyed, the memetic properties transferred to the site incinerator.

Date of Recovery: April 8th, 2023

Location of Recovery: ██████ Elementary School, Rising Sun, MD, United States

Current Status: Incinerator deemed safe for use by approved personnel for non-organic matter only, as even tree branches and leaves trigger the memetic effect. Individual responsible for the original object's destruction disciplined.

Item Description: An oil painting in the baroque style, depicting several armed individuals reminiscent of the civic guard in Rembrandt's The Night Watch. Any crimes32 committed in the presence of the painting are anonymously reported to the Albany Police Department within a week of occurrence. All attempts to trace the anonymous reportee have thus far failed.

Date of Recovery: 02-04-2024

Location of Recovery: A warehouse in Albany, New York

Current Status: In storage at Site-19. The canvas has been covered in black masking tape.

Item Decryption: An audio recoding of "Tourniquet of Roses" by the Residents,33 which contains six attritional verses not present in the original song.34 Any human subject who listens to these extra verses becomes increasingly prone to the use of malapropisms35 in speech and writing, with the frequency ingressing upon repeated exposure. Transcripts of the song's lyrics remain unaffected, however. This affect typically subsets after one week, though rare exceptions have been discovered through expensive tasting.

Date of Recovery: 06-13-2024

Lactation of Recovery: Uploaded to YouTube under the title "The Residents - Tourniquet of Roses (EXTENDED CUT)". Uploader was identified as █████ ███████, a resident of Cedar Springs, Colorado who discovered the song on a CD he had purchased at a flea market and was unaware of its anonymous properties.

Currant Status: Stored on a flesh drive at Site-27.

Item Description: A 30th Anniversary Edition Blu-Ray of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. Viewing Being in a 500m proximity of the item while it is being played induces the production of adrenaline, cortisol, and other stress hormones in human subjects, causing individuals in the area of effect to enter a heightened emotional state. Physical altercations are common when the anomaly is active; however, the film must be played on its original medium, and playing the raw file which contains the data for The Wrath of Khan after its extraction produces no anomalous effects.

Date of Recovery: 6/19/2024

Location of Recovery: Port Huron, Michigan, at the first (and last) annual "Wrath of Con", a Star Trek fandom convention.

Current Status: Under consideration for use in a study on the prolonged effects of adrenaline and cortisol exposure on D-Class personnel.

Item Description: A 12 oz. can of salted peanuts with a nondescript white label reading "pee nuts". Human subjects who consume the can's contents initially report no anomalous effects; however, approximately two weeks after consumption, subjects begin to report a number of symptoms, including severe abdominal pain, nausea, and blood in their urine. These symptoms continue to increase in severity over the next several days, culminating in the passage of a whole, unshelled peanut through the subject's urethra. This process has been described as excruciatingly painful, with many subjects losing consciousness as a result. However, actual physical damage is minimal, being consistent with kidney stones of average size. Resulting peanuts do not share AO-1430's anomalous properties.

Date of Recovery: 06-19-2024

Location of Recovery: Recovered at a King Soopers in Cedar Springs, Colorado by Agent Clement, who suspected that the item was anomalous in nature due to its unusual appearance and placement within the store.

Current Status: In a low-value item storage locker within Site-343.

Anomalous Items 1431 - 1440

Item Description: One (1) bag of sunflower seeds that, if a seed is peeled, will contain another identically sized unpeeled sunflower seed within it.

Date of Recovery: 05-06-2024

Location of Recovery: A supermarket near Site-75.

Current Status: Kept in the Site-75 break room.

Notes: How do you even eat these? It's just shells all the way down.

Item Description: A Shure 55SH dynamic microphone that when handled compels the user to introduce any individual with a 5m radius. Introductions always follow the format that is utilized by ring announcers36. AO-1432's properties do not manifest if there are less than two people within said radius. Stage names given while under the influence of AO-1432 are always based on the user's opinion of the person being introduced.

Date of Recovery: 05/23/1998

Location of Recovery: A storage closet at the Indiana Theatre, Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Current Status: Labelled and kept within the Site-81 break room gymnasium for recreational use.

Notes: Item relocated; personnel are to refrain from interacting with the item when there are more that 20 people within the 5m radius. Agent Essie nearly tore his throat out introducing all 254 personnel attending the New Year's Eve celebration - Dr. Cox

Item Description: Sterling silver and glass compass, similar in manufacture to those made in the early 19th century. The needle does not point toward magnetic north, instead pointing toward the nearest source of horseradish (currently the Site cafeteria).

Date of Recovery: August 1st, 2024

Location of Recovery: In a lost and found box at a bus station, Columbus, OH

Current Status: In storage in Site-██.

Item Description: A 19-year-old man whose face cannot be captured photographically. All attempts to do so result in the digital or physical corruption of the image. A secondary anomaly garbles the subject's voice in all recordings.

Date of Recovery: 15-09-2017

Location of Recovery: LaGuardia Airport, New York

Current Status: Held in humanoid containment at Site-17.

Item Description: A three-hour-long video depicting an unidentified human male wearing a ski mask, who spends the duration of the video subjecting a Windows 10 laptop to various forms of abuse, including removing the keys from the keyboard, hitting the screen with a hammer, and downloading malware from file-sharing websites. During this time, equivalent damage is inflicted on the device that the video is being broadcast from, which continues until the device becomes unusable. To date, all attempts at viewing the contents of the video beyond the 1:53:03 mark have proven unsuccessful, and have invariably resulted in significant mechanical failure.

Date of Recovery: 07-29-2024

Location of Recovery: Uploaded to YouTube under the title "Gently Breaking Your Computer ASMR 😏💥💻" by the channel "Glitch City ASMR" in February 2020. The uploader has not yet been identified.

Current Status: Video and channel removed from YouTube under the guise of a copyright violation; further action has been deemed unnecessary due to the video having less than 500 views at the time of its deletion. An archived copy of the video is stored in Site-10's digital archives.

Item Description: An oil painting depicting a camel standing in a desert. When the painting is viewed by a human subject, they will automatically believe that the current day is a Wednesday regardless of what the actual day of the week is. The effect ceases when the subject is shown proof of what the actual day of the week is.

Date of Recovery: 06-30-2024

Location of Recovery: A thrift shop located in Columbia, South Carolina.

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A BluRay of Věra Chytilová’s 1966 film Daisies, physically resembling the non-anomalous edition as distributed by The Criterion Collection.37 Has a mild “feminising” effect when viewed in its entirety by an individual assigned male at birth, increasing the estrogen levels in the subject’s body.38

Date of Recovery: 04-27-2019

Location of Recovery: Seized during a raid on ███████, a British Columbia, Canada-based eBay seller found to be selling home videos of numerous anomalous films, as well as anomalous copies of non-anomalous films

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A printed world map whose marked borders change in real time to display the current de facto territorial control of the world.

Date of Recovery: 10-20-2015

Location of Recovery: A charity shop in Essex, United Kingdom

Current Status: In storage.

Note: Beginning on ██-██-20██, the map began displaying Bir Tawil, an officially unclaimed and uninhabited area of land along the Egyptian-Sudanese border, as belonging to “The Tongue Eaters”. More recently, this area has been observed to grow in size, and now encompasses significant portions of land publicly believed to be under the control of either Egypt or Sudan. Research into the implications of this is ongoing.

Item Description: A music box that continuously plays an unidentified tune 'Yesterday' by The Beatles without any source of propulsion. It can be stopped by holding the musical cylinder still with hand, but resumes immediately upon release.

Date of Recovery: 01-21-1964

Location of Recovery: Room 102, George V Hotel, Paris, France

Current Status: In storage at Site-██ Transferred to Site-██, in possession of Dr. Foster.

Notes: Agent ██████ has been reprimanded for using expired Class-A amnestics, as his mistake caused the tune to be published as one of their most iconic songs the following year. Please check the expiration date on your amnestics.

Item Description: A .png file uploaded to the anomalous Gamers Against Weed forums titled "how to ABSOLUTLY DESTROY the scp f oundation [sic]". File has been reposted 1762 separate times. Foundation agents embedded within the forum managed to download the file, however its quality has significantly degraded, being 345 separate pixels in total. Foundation AI Malapost.aic has determined that quality restoration from such few pixels is impossible. Showing the file to Foundation employees causes minor distress.

Date of Recovery: 03-12-2014

Location of Recovery: Gamers Against Weed forum chatroom "foundtion 🤮"

Current Status: Located within the directory SCP:\Users\Foundation\Groups of Interest\Gamers Against Weed\Images\Cognitohazardous\Non-Lethal\Mild\how to ABSOLUTLY DESTROY the scp f oundation.png

Anomalous Items 1441 - 1450

Item Description: A medium-sized, standard white blender of an unidentified brand capable of functioning without any external power source. Upon visual contact with the object, individuals experience an overwhelming compulsion to insert their hand into the blender and activate it.

Date of Recovery: 16/08/2024

Location of Recovery: Dr. Arya Roy's office, Site-██.

Current Status: In Storage.

Notes: "That blender was the only useful thing my mom gifted me." –Dr. Arya Roy.

Item Description: Approximately 22.9 liters of a water-like material, which shifts between solid and liquid state once every 28 seconds, without any change in temperature. Any solid it touches while changing from solid state to liquid state will liquefy with it, and likewise, any liquid it touches while changing from liquid state to solid state will solidify with it. These changes move quickly through tightly-packed solids substances and liquids, but slowly though loosely packed materials like dirt and snow. Non-anomalous water acts as an extension of its abilities, anything touching a body of water containing the water-like material changes with it.

Date of Recovery: 16/08/2024

Location of Recovery: ██° ██′ █″ N, ██° ██′ █″ W, Nunavut

Current Status: Provisionally Neutralized.

Notes: While transmuting surrounding soil and rock into glass served as a temporary containment method, due to glass's amorphous state, the item would eventually dissolve it in several hours. Due to being launched into the sun with SCP-████-█, it can no longer cause any further damage. It is being monitored for any further activity, but is believed to have been destroyed or rendered ineffective due to being immersed in plasma indefinitely.

Item Description: A copy of the CD single for "Kiss Me Thru The Phone" by Soulja Boy. Audio is consistent with other official recordings of the song, except the phone number mentioned in the prechorus is replaced with the personal number of the person who decided to play the song. If the person does not have a cell or home phone number, the song plays as normal.

Date of Recovery: 17/09/2010

Location of Recovery: ████████ Records warehouse in Fayal, Minnesota.

Current Status: In a storage locker at Site-55.

Notes: What happens if you have more than one cell phone?

Item Description: Mid-20th century painting, in realistic style, depicting an unknown woman with blonde hair, wearing a blue dress consistent with styles popular in the 1960s, shown standing in a field of grass with a large wooden box to her left. The painted figure remains stationary while observed by a human subject, but is often found in different positions after being left unobserved, even briefly. The wooden box is filled with objects, which are also found to change or become absent from the painting entirely.

Date of Recovery: 9/9/2022

Location of Recovery: An art gallery in Rochester, NY

Current Status: In storage. Being evaluated for SCP classification after objects missing from the Site were found depicted in the painting; under 24-hour video surveillance.

Note: Methods for recovering the items found in the painting are being discussed, including use of other anomalous items or SCP-level objects, but nothing has been approved yet. - Researcher Wyndham

Item Description: A 64GB SanDisk USB 2.0 flash drive. Upon removing the “case”, a microscopically scaled set of anomalously functioning and connected internal human organs (with the exception of the brain or bones) are revealed in place of expected technology, encased by a translucent thin sheath identified as a cell membrane that connects to the USB port. DNA testing has concluded the organs belong to ███ ████ Roy, a former IT teacher who went missing on 01/15/2020 in the Everglades National Park. The flash drive otherwise functions as expected.

Date of Recovery: 01/17/2020

Location of Recovery: The home of ████ ███ Walker, in Anchorage, Alaska, who uploaded a video on the platform YouTube titled “😱LIVING USB AT BEST BUY????😱”, garnering only 102 views before deletion. Exclusively contained a .txt file with the full legal name, birth date, and date of disappearance of Mr. Roy on recovery. Mr. Walker has been given a standard dosage of Class-A Amnestics and placed under temporary surveillance.

Current Status: In storage at Site-18.

Item description: An unsolved 1x1x1 Rubik’s Cube.

Date of recovery: 2022-01-12

Location of recovery: Garage sale in Paris, Texas

Current status: Stored with Dr McDoctorate's Rubik’s Cube collection in his office

Update: Object was neutralized after Dr Draws removed all of the stickers and placed them back on the cube in a solved state.

Item Description: A pink plastic mustache. Individuals who hold the item to their upper lip will be compelled to speak in a different accent. Accents used appear to be random but specific to the individual.

Date of Recovery: 2024-10-13

Location of Recovery: The home of M███ E█████ F████████, Los Angeles, California, United States of America. Subject questioned, amnestized upon failure to extract relevant information, and placed under minor surveillance.

Current Status: In storage at Site-17.

Item Description: A 250g box of Arnott's Salada Original Crispbreads. Individuals who pick up the item will see the words 'OPEN AT OTHER END' on whichever end of the item they first observe.

Date of Recovery: 2024-10-17

Location of Recovery: A Coles supermarket located in Melbourne, Australia.

Current Status: In storage at Site-45.

Item Description: A 5 cm × 15 cm white vellum bookmark, thought to be indestructible. If pressed between two objects, such as the pages of a book, this bookmark ceases to experience friction until removed, or more commonly, it slides out from between the two objects. Testing suspended after Incident AI-1461-a, where the bookmark was placed in a hydraulic press to determine how effective its friction-countering capabilities were. After the press reached approximate 5,000 kg of force, the bookmark shot out violently from between the press's plates at approximately ██ m/s, breaking through the observation window, killing Junior Researcher Haslo, and injuring 5 other personnel.

Date of Recovery: 10-29-2024

Location of Recovery: B█████ ███ █████ Book Store, Baltimore, Maryland, United States

Current Status: Held in low-value storage at Site-322 Permanently embedded in an observation room wall in Site-322. Despite its anomalous properties, it's theorized that the bookmark is experiencing normal friction because the wall is only one object, and not two.

Item Description: A scrap of paper with the phrase "Have you signed the oath?" printed on it in purple ink, which has apparently been torn from a larger document. Written over the previous contents of the other side is the phrase "I sign this oath to thee" written in blood. Anyone in a formal marital relationship that views this side of the document is subjected to the item's cognitohazardous properties, as follows. Immediately upon exposure, the affected person(s) will seek to renew their wedding vows, or make such vows if none have been made yet, in writing. They will be compelled to write said vows in their own blood by any means necessary, and will then present them to their significant other(s). Whether they accept or decline the gesture, the effect ends. This effect can also be ended early if the relationship, formally or informally, is brought to an end, or if an affected viewer is amnesticized. Additionally, anyone not in a formal relationship is entirely unaffected, even if the relationship is permanent.

Date of Recovery: 10-31-2024

Location of Recovery: Found in a trash can at a gas station in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, United States

Current Status: Held in low-value storage at Site-322. When not being tested, the item is kept in a pouch with a completely opaque back, with the front facing the transparent side. Upon accidental exposure, viewers that are in a formal relationship are to be administered Class A amnestics.

Anomalous Items 1451 - 1460

Item Description: A game cartridge for the Nintendo 64 for a nonexistent game titled "Hubert Trunk's Jungle Safari Adventure" that formed from a sphere of mud that appeared in the containment chamber of SCP-████. Game appears to have been developed by a similarly nonexistent "Tesla Koi Studios". Otherwise a nonanomalous platformer game.

Date of Recovery: 11-02-2024

Location of Recovery: SCP-████'s Containment Chamber, Site-██

Current Status: In storage at Site-77.

Item Description: Three clay figurines depicting a Pembroke Welsh Corgi, a Basset Hound, and a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel that will animate and march in a circle five times at 12:00 Pacific Standard Time. If removed from one another, the objects will teleport to a random location in the space separating them.

Date of Recovery: 05-12-2023

Location of Recovery: Museum in ██████, New Jersey

Current Status: Held in a storage locker at Site-77.

Item Description: A standard jar of ██████ brand peanut butter that is presumably infinite on the inside, being completely partially filled with peanut butter. The peanut butter seems not to have any anomalous properties. If the jar has an additional hole made in it, it creates another entrance into the interior.

Date of Recovery: 07-11-2024

Location of Recovery: Supermarket in █████████, Illinois, United States of America

Current Status: Held in staff break room storage locker at Site-81 after the peanut butter was too far away to reach.

Item Description: Relearn With █████ (domain name relearnwith█████.awcy), an educational website that covers many topics. The topics and complexity vary wildly, from basic math and the alphabet to doctorate level science, and even some rather strange topics like anomalous art, getting away with felonies, and basic functions like how to breathe. Anyone that attempts to use any of the learning programs in a subject they understand will have their capabilities in that subject matter diminished. These decreases in knowledge occur instantaneously, dropping understanding to a level expected from someone that was learning the subject matter for the first time.

Date of Recovery: 11-11-2024

Location of Recovery: Washington D.C., United States

Current Status: Website intercepted and deleted before it could be hosted. Uploader has been successfully apprehended. Local copy of the website is stored on a flash drive held in low-value storage at Site-19.

Note: "Testing with the "Basic Functions of the Human Body" module has been suspended until further notice. It's rare we get an item in this department that wipes out five D-Classes in five unique ways, and as curious as I am it's not worth using up the department's limited allowance for D-Class personnel." –Dr. Frisk

Item Description: A counterfeit money detecting pen which transmutes counterfeit bills it writes on into an unknown acidic substance the stomach acid of a Crocuta crocuta39.

Date of Recovery: 11-15-2024

Location of Recovery: Local grocery store in ███████, Wisconsin

Current Status: In storage at Site-73.

Item Description: A copy of Homer's Odyssey. When opened to the first page, the reader holding the book will suddenly report a strong smell of seawater.

Date of Recovery: 11-16-2024

Location of Recovery: Barnes and Noble in Chicago, United States

Current Status: In low-risk storage at Site-76.

Item Description: A rubber eraser capable of erasing graphite lead, all varieties of ink tested thus far, blood, and presumably any other form of writing substance without residue.

Date of Recovery: 11-26-24

Location of Recovery: ██████ Elementary School

Current Status: In use, currently kept in the office of Dr. ██████

Note: Have we tried to see if it can erase digital or chiseled writings?— Junior Research Kelp

Item Description: A small H████ brand ketchup packet filled with water. The branding is covered with clear tape, with "merecool whatr" written on it with permanent marker. Opening the packet and pouring out the contents causes the water to turn into coinage worth approximately 1 US cent, in whatever currency the local area uses. Stepping on the packet or pouring it into one's mouth causes the water to immediately boil into steam measuring approximately ████⁰C. No matter how the packet is opened, it reseals itself and refills with water when not observed.

Date of Recovery: 12-9-2024

Location of Recovery: Found in a restroom at the New York Stock Exchange, Manhattan, NY, United States

Current Status: Held in low-value storage Kept in a secured safe in Dr. Frisk's office. Item may not be removed from the safe except for tests approved by all individuals overseeing Anomalous Items testing.

Note: "Please, for the love of whatever power you look up to, stop taking the packet out of containment to get change for the vending machine. I have only so much kindness left for you people." - Dr. Frisk

Item Description: A Logitech ██████ wireless keyboard Two Logitech ██████ wireless keyboards. When connected to a computer, anything the user writes is deleted in approximately 48 hours by yet to be discovered means. Even if the content written is write-protected, it will still disappear. Deletions, however, still seem to work as normal.

Date of Recovery: 12-18-2024

Location of Recovery: Site-19 IT Department; second was discovered in Dr. Almsys's office

Current Status: Held inside a Faraday cage in low-value storage.

Note: Following the loss of data on multiple items in Foundation custody, further investigation is being considered.

Item Description: Eighty-two (82) Seventy-nine (79) vials filled with a pulp comprised entirely of ground solenopsis geminata40 eyeballs. Anyone that views the vials while starving is subject to their memetic effects, grabbing one and seeking a public area before consuming the vial whole. The contents do not seem to spoil like they should, but otherwise possess properties normal for their source of origin.

Date of Recovery: 12-18-2024

Location of Recovery: Abandoned chemical laboratory inside of █████████ College, Elkton, MD, United States

Current Status: Held in low-value storage, managed by the Antimemetics Division.

Anomalous Items 1461 - 1470

Item Description: A manila folder containing purported coroner photographs and autopsy reports that always pertain to the given possessor of the item. Although not entirely precise, the item's photograph and autopsy projections correlated with 80-85% of fatalities among those who have accessed it. Whether or not the item is a direct cause of the casualties in correlation with the projected contents remains debatable.

Date of Recovery: 23/12/2011

Location of Recovery: Atlanta, GA, USA

Current Status: Incinerated.

Notice: Destroying anomalous items without appropriate permission is a major violation of Foundation policy. See that this does not occur again. - Site Director █████ █████.

Item Description: A single die which, aside from being linguistically undescribable with regards to its shape, size, colour, and number of faces, is entirely unremarkable.

Date of Recovery: ██/07/201█

Location of Recovery: ██████████ County High School, USA.

Current Status: Locker of Researcher Shion Y██, used in demonstrations for new recruits to the Department of Miscommunications.

Note: The colour is believed by most to be a shade of red. - Researcher Shion Y██.

Item Description: Small blue rubber "bouncy ball", visually identical to many commercially available varieties. The item seems far more unremarkable than would be expected, regularly going unnoticed in groups of similar items unless a subject's attention is purposely drawn to it. More rarely, it can go unnoticed even when by itself, again unless attention is purposely drawn to it.

Date of Recovery: December 13, 2024

Location of Recovery: Lost and found box at a daycare in Dayton, OH

Current Status: In low-value item storage. Being tested for antimemetic properties.

Item Description: A standard size horseshoe plated in 24 karat gold. Otherwise visually unremarkable. When thrown, trajectory automatically arcs towards nearest pole-like object.

Date of Recovery: 2019-02-11

Location of Recovery: S███████ Self Storage, North East, Maryland, United States

Current Status: Held in low-value storage. Testing suspended after several injuries involving male test subjects.

Item Description: A resignation letter for no company in particular, held within an envelope. The contents of the letter are heavily heated and written in dog feces, citing an unwavering hatred for the reader. If an individual reads the letter, in its entirety, the writing transforms to match their handwriting, and the letter becomes signed with their name. It then disappears, and once the envelope is closed, a new copy of the letter appears within. The signed letter automatically appears in the presence of the reader's manager or an employee the individual deeply hates. If the reader is unemployed, the signed letter simply ceases to exist.

Date of Recovery: 2024-12-05

Location of Recovery: A█████ Warehouse, Salt Lake City, Utah, United States

Current Status: Held in low-value storage Neutralized after Junior Researcher Lannery sealed the envelope using its gum seal. Junior Researcher Lannery is currently on occupational probation following this incident.

Item Description: Small 1,000cm³ cardboard box. Bottom is taped shut with F███ T███. Opening the top of the box will cause it to fold into a 50cm³ sphere comprised of pure glass. Sudden impacts to the sphere cause it to invert back into a cardboard box. Items inside box when it is made a sphere vanish without a trace.

Date of Recovery: 2021-12-31

Location of Recovery: Boxing Day Festival, Montreal, Canada

Current Status: In low-value storage.

Footnotes

1. It is unknown how the object detects vacations or extended periods of time from the holder's place of work.

2. Humans whose appearances and personalities have been altered by the fungal disease known as SCP-2009, all of whom answer to "Thomas Hoang".

3. Corresponding with Ross Lane ("Graffiti Alley"), parallel to Queen Street West, Toronto.

4. Red fox

5. Anomalous Geometry Exclusion Zone Alpha

6. e.g. "space", "darkness", "aether", "blackness", "nothingness", "null"

7. Lion's mane jellyfish

8. Dodo

9. White rhinoceros

10. Vampire squid

11. Yes, these all occurred during testing. I now find myself unable to comfortably spend my breaks outside the site after the fourth sinkhole incident. -Pedologist H. Leung

12. Mosquitoes

13. Lions

14. Regular Equivalent 1st Order

15. An archaic term for Scandinavian poets of old who would recite heroic legends

16. This statement was automatically translated from [LATE 20TH-CENTURY BASELINE FRENCH] with [92%] suspected accuracy by dolittle.aic. Please report all mistakes I make to the relevant personnel!

17. Wild duck

18. Horse

19. Conferred Consistent Random Chance Deviation

20. The "protagonist" of Murder Drones

21. House mouse

22. Banyan tree

23. A great number of exercise related injuries have occurred due to this shirt.

24. If the desert screams, of course.

25. Only on Tuesdays.

26. Trust me, you really don’t want to see what’s in there.

27. Joro spider

28. Caribbean Hermit Crab.

29. Chicken

30. Turtles, tortoises, and terrapins

31. Broccoli

32. Illegal acts under New York or federal law

33. An American art connective and experiential rock band founded in 1969.

34. Partial transcript: And all the colors green / Have been replaced by machine / And all the trees have been forgotten in the dream we dream

35. The incorrect use of a word in place of a similar-sounding one; for example, "fade into Bolivian" rather than "fade into obsidian".

36. By announcing the individual's name, height, weight, town of residency, their stage name, win-loss record, and any titles the individual has won.

37. Criterion did not offer BluRay editions of this film when this item was recovered, however, despite the identical design, research has confirmed the standard Criterion copies to be entirely non-anomalous

38. It should be noted that this is not an instant “transmogrifying" effect, such as seen with SCP-113 or SCP-6113, but a more subtle alteration akin to a single standard dose of feminising HRT as prescribed to a transgender woman

39. Spotted hyena

40. Fire ant