AmbroseInternational.pdf - SCP Foundation

To: moc.stnaruatser-esorbma|suiram#moc.stnaruatser-esorbma|suiram

From: moc.stnaruatser-esorbma|mazahc#moc.stnaruatser-esorbma|mazahc

Subject: Final Script for Ambrose International

Advertising just finished revising the script for the North American demographic. Think we put enough disclaimers that the Feds will be happy now. Twitter practically roasted us alive last time this aired, so we had to remove the memetic compulsion (unfortunate, but the customer is king I suppose.) We just need your signoff and we'll get to filming. I attached it below.

- Chaz

NAscriptfinal.pdf

FADE IN

INT. FAST FOOD RESTAURANT

We see a family (a MOTHER, FATHER, a teenage SON, and a younger DAUGHTER all dressed in casual clothes) eating burgers and fries at a fast-food restaurant. The SON throws down his burger in disgust.

SON

I'm bored!

INT. FANCY RESTAURANT

CUT to the family eating salad at a fancy restaurant, now in suits and formal dresses. The DAUGHTER looks up from her plate.

DAUGHTER

I'm bored too!

The MOTHER and FATHER look at each other exasperated. A WAITER walks up to the table holding a platter covered in a silver dome. The WAITER uncovers the platter to show the disembodied head of CHAZ AMBROSE floating. CHAZ opens his eyes, the family screams.

CHAZ

Don't you think food should be a little more… exciting?

SFX: FINGER SNAP

CHAZ and the MOTHER, FATHER, SON, and DAUGHTER glow with a yellow aura and vanish from the restaurant.

INT. AMBROSE INTERNATIONAL ENTRANCE HALL

CUT to CHAZ, MOTHER, FATHER, SON, and DAUGHTER appearing in the hallway to Ambrose International. CHAZ is now complete, head attached to a body, and is wearing a dark blue suit.

CHAZ

Welcome, to Ambrose International!

MOTHER

This place looks familiar, is this-

CHAZ

That's right, along with being a Michelin-starred restaurant, Ambrose International is the set of my newest Food Network show UnVEILing Food, where I show you how to harness anomalies to enhance your home cooking every Friday at 8!

CHAZ puts his arms around the family.

CHAZ

Let's take a tour, shall we?

They walk down the hallway, passing doors marked with various cities. People of multiple nationalities can be seen streaming in and out of the doors.

CHAZ

Here at Ambrose, we're dedicated to serving you the best, no matter your race or creed. That's why whether you're from Taipei to Tampa, Cairo to Caracas, you can expect the same high-caliber service every time as all our entrances around the world all link up here.

CHAZ

Maybe you still doubt our quality? Maybe you wonder how we obtain our top-notch ingredients? Well, here you can take part in helping find the best food for your dish.

The hallway ends and opens up into a large circular room. In the middle of the room is a large portal. Multiple harpoons are situated around the portal. The family walks towards the portal, and inside they see an extradimensional space full of raw meat. No limit to the space can be seen.

DISCLAIMER: Entrance to the Meat Portal is reservation only. Ambrose is not responsible for injuries suffered due to close proximity to the Meat Portal. In the unlikely event of a sentient meat attack, Ambrose Restaurants is not responsible for dismemberment or death. On-site medical care is available for a premium when reserving a spot at the meat portal. Help will not be provided if patrons fall into the Meat Portal.

CHAZ

Hey! Does anyone want to try?

CHAZ is seen positioning a harpoon gun aiming into the portal. The SON raises his hand enthusiastically. CHAZ helps the SON get into firing position. The SON fires the harpoon into the meat portal.

SFX: MEAT SQUELCHING

CHAZ reels the harpoon that now has impaled a raw chunk of unidentifiable meat. Using gloves, he carefully removes the meat.

DISCLAIMER: Only operate the MeatPoons with supervision by an Ambrose employee. Children 15 and under are barred from operating the MeatPoons. Wear proper protection near the meat portal and when handling meat from the portal.

CUT to the family sitting at a teppanyaki-style table. CHAZ is handing the meat to a CHEF.

CHAZ

We hire the greatest anomalous chefs from around the world to ensure each experience is one you'll never forget. With over 87 countries represented, there's a variety that makes you want to come back time and time again. How do you like your steak?

He points at the FATHER

FATHER

Medium rare?

DISCLAIMER: Ambrose Meat Chefs will determine the optimal doneness of the meat based on the blend of meats present. Inform your Meat Chef of any dietary restrictions beforehand. Consuming raw or undercooked meats may increase your risk of foodborne illness.

The CHEF takes the meat chunk and places it on the table. It is revealed that the CHEF has four arms. The DAUGHTER oohs and ahhs. He puts on gloves and rubs his hands together. He forcefully slaps the steak, causing a shock wave that blows back the chairs of everyone seated at the table.

CUT to the steak, it is perfectly cooked. The CHEF takes four steak knives in each of his hands and cuts the meat into four equal pieces. He offers a fork to the family, who take tentative bites and express their approval.

DAUGHTER (MOUTH FULL OF FOOD)

Mmmm, it's delicious!

The family and CHAZ laugh. CHAZ turns towards the camera, smiling.

CHAZ

You heard it here folks, Ambrose is the best place to sample the anomalous in a safe and family-friendly environment. So why don't you try us out, we'll make sure your meal is one you'll never forget!

DISCLAIMER: The Amnestic Apple Pie and the Ambrose's Signature Knockout Flan induce temporary memory loss for up to 5 hours, consult your doctor or Ambrose employee about safe anomalous food consumption practices before ordering.

DISSOLVE TO Ambrose Restaurants logo.

CHAZ (SPED UP V.O)

Given the extradimensional nature of Ambrose International, Ambrose International does not have to comply with food safety regulations set by any government. For the safety of our patrons, anomalous individuals not employed by Ambrose International are prohibited from entering this location. In the unlikely event of the death of a patron of Ambrose International, Ambrose catering will be available to the immediate family free of cost for the next eight months.

FADE OUT