Successful Cooperation And Partnership - SCP Foundation

"Good day, this is "Successful Cooperation and Partnership" training center, we would like to…"

That was where I hung up.

I know that's impolite. It's their job, yada yada - hell, a couple of months ago I'd gladly have heard the girl out and declined their services politely. But now…

Guess that's persecution complex at its finest. My colleagues keep telling me to go to a health resort for a couple of days, but I'll be damned if it's not called "Serenity. Calmness. Peace." And that gets us back to the point.

This is the third call today. Not that I'm very busy, but Sunday is my only day free of work and I just want to get some peace while eating premade products in front of my TV, not entertaining all kinds of jerks.

Anyway, there's something fishy about it all.

First "Sam's Chili and Pepperoni". Flooding my mailbox with their leaflets was not enough, so today they decided to give me a call. Guys, your sign board is as tasteless as your food, and it's right in front of my window! Stop pestering me.

And their food sucks. I paid them a visit once, swore like a sailor in the end. And they're to blame. Next day, they are expanding, and setting their new shop right across the road from my office. These guys don't seem to be affected by curses.

That's half the trouble anyway. Might as well not take the call from "Shooters, Cartridges & Partridges" into account, they're calling for a second time. Their first call was about a week ago, when it all began.

What did begin? Didn't you notice already?

SCP. SCP. SCP.

Can't these guys think of anything smarter, or more inventive? Or is it a "drive the sucker crazy" marathon? Or… I don't even want to think about what else it can be.

Of course I did my research. All of these are perfectly valid legal entities, doing fine, doing cold calls. It's just that they didn't phone the same guy at the same time until now.

It even sounds absurd. "Hey, listen, I keep getting calls. And the abbreviation's the same, you know, the first letters… What? Why did I write them down? Well, uh…" And off to the madhouse I go. Wouldn't even be surprised if its name were "Sanctuary for Crushed Psyches". Eww.

Maybe I'm really unraveling. Time to go for a walk.

It was no better outside, still. So I went to a shop. A nice shop, with a funny, colorful sign… at least, it was. They were dismantling it just as I arrived. Only "Grocery" remained from what was "Grocery open constantly". Seems like things are turning ugly for the guys. A shame. It was a nice place, with decent prices. Now the prices are sure to rise.

All in all, utter disappointment. Barely escaped being done in by a truck on my way back. Took a second look - "Sushi, Crab & Perch". Friggin' delivery service. Must be my swanky neighbor ordering the stuff.

"Perch"! Who the hell uses freshwater fish to make sushi…

That's it, screw everything. I'm taking some days off, I'm going to the resort no matter how it's named. Otherwise I'm dangerously close to the aforemented madhouse. But hey, at least they will stop pestering me there, right?

* * *

…Subject has a positive influence over the operation of any enterprise that he has negative feelings towards. Such enterprise experiences an increase in productivity, labor efficiency increase was noted in all cases. Positive feelings result in an inverse effect. (…) Current recommendations are to create a vague negative image of the Foundation in subject's mind. Using the subject to contain competing groups of interest is forbidden.