A Bitch - SCP Foundation

A Bitch

SITE-43 ADMINISTRATION AND OVERSIGHT SECTION

ACTION ITEM REPORTING SYSTEM

Greetings KT_Elstrom

(Dr. Karen T. Elstrom, Chief, Administration and Oversight)

There are six (6) new casualty reports to complete:

Bolivar, Agent A. (M; civilian cover identity: CSIS Agent; status: KIA)

Cureton, Agent D. (M; civilian cover identity: CSIS Agent; status: KIA)

Dawson, Agent L. (M; civilian cover identity: CSIS Agent; status: KIA)

Ellison, Agent L. (F; civilian cover identity: RCMP Officer; status: KIA)

Shane, Agent R. (M; civilian cover identity: CSIS Agent; status: KIA)

Zabriskie, Agent P. (F; civilian cover identity: RCAF Officer; status: KIA)

Suggested format:

RECIPIENT,

It is my duty to inform you that CASUALTY has been killed in action. The manner of PRONOUN death is classified, but details will be released to you upon request within a maximum of thirty (30) days.

[Please indicate the form in which you wish to receive their remains.]

[Due to the nature of their death, their remains will be cremated before release.]

[Due to the nature of their death, release of their remains will be impossible.]

If you have any further questions, please append them to your response.

CSIS General Enquiries Office

DRAFT

To: moc.liamtob|ravilobadm#moc.liamtob|ravilobadm

From: TEN.PiCS.34|mortsle_tk#TEN.PiCS.34|mortsle_tk (mask: ac.adanac.sisc|sille_tk#ac.adanac.sisc|sille_tk)

Subject: Sincere Sympathies

Mr. and Mrs. Mauricio and Daniela Bolivar,

I deeply regret to inform you of the passing of your son, Agent Arcadio Bolivar of the Canadian Security Intelligence Service. Agent Bolivar was involved in the investigation of an act of domestic terrorism performed by a Canadian national which ended with the discovery of an improvised explosive device embedded in the walls of a public school in Oshawa, Ontario. Agent Bolivar successfully extracted the device, saving the lives of countless civilians, but was unable to fully disarm it before it activated.

Agent Bolivar is a hero. CSIS will defray all funereal expenses, and an agent will be in touch to discuss the arrangements. I apologize for not delivering this information in person.

You may reach me at any time via this email address; a telephone number will be provided upon request.

— K.T. Elstrom, Counseling Officer, CSIS

DRAFT

To: moc.liamtob|eerf_co#moc.liamtob|eerf_co

From: TEN.PiCS.34|mortsle_tk#TEN.PiCS.34|mortsle_tk (mask: ac.adanac.sisc|sille_tk#ac.adanac.sisc|sille_tk)

Subject: Sincere Sympathies

Mr. Orville Cureton,

It is my sad duty to report the passing of your husband, Agent █

T_Bremmel

My lab assistant is late again. I want her fired.

T_Bremmel

KAREN! My LAB ASSISTANT was LATE AGAIN. I want her FIRED

T_Bremmel

Come on, Karen. You know I need my coffee delivered promptly or I'm liable to blow up. This matter requires immediate attention.

T_Bremmel

You really are a b

T_Bremmel

You really are bad at responding to your pager, Karen.

T_Bremmel

Hit "send" too soon.

Area-06-3

Internee Profile

Name: Falkirk, Edwin Scott

Affiliation: SCP Foundation, Site-43 (former)

Summary: Dr. Edwin T. Falkirk was attacked by SCP-5056 — a sapient being inhabiting reflective materials — on the 14th of January, 2003. The attack was presumably precipitated by SCP-5056 identifying Dr. Falkirk as a threat to the object of its undivided attentions: one Philip E. Deering, Janitorial and Maintenance Technician. The means of attack was manifestation on the lens of the left eye. The precise psychological results of this manifestation remain unclear, but significant emotional trauma is indicated as Dr. Falkirk proceeded to manually remove the affected eye. SCP-5056 then manifested on his right eye; when prevented from removing it as well, Dr. Falkirk entered a psychotic state and then, within one hour, a comatose state. He has not recovered in the intervening eighteen years, requiring the following medical procedures: oesophageal tube (for nutrition), ileostomy (for defecation), antipsychotics (during bouts of violent, unconscious activity). Termination has been postponed due to his high security clearance level.

Therapeutic Assessment: Bradbury, Dr. Melissa

It's been a long road to recovery. Dr. Bradbury was one of the most promising young researchers at Site-43 in 2002, before SCP-5056 reacted to a period of sustained containment by manifesting on the lens of her eyeglasses, resulting in severe (if apparently indescribable) psychological torment. While remaining on the Site-43 duty roster and capable of light duty in the years that followed, it was not until late 2020 that she was able to confront her fears and return to the Site proper. She now serves in the (largely supervisory) role of Chair of Research and Experimentation, and resides in the dormitories with her partner Dr. Blank.

Dr. Bradbury and I have worked out a program of therapeutic interventions to help her continue to adjust:

reinforcement therapy (self-applied)

psychiatric counselling (three times weekly)

self-stimulatory behaviour (satin scarf)

enclothed cognition (tight, sturdy, warm clothing)

mindfulness-based cognitive therapy

control mastery therapy

relational life therapy

It is my professional opinion that Dr. Bradbury is more than capable of continuing to execute her duties, so long as the above measures remain effective. It is my further opinion that every measure must be taken to ensure that no member of staff is perceived as a threat by SCP-5056 — a threat to itself, or a threat to its subject of focus, Philip E. Deering. It would be inhumane to subject another living being to what Dr. Bradbury has already gone though.

— Dr. N. Ngo

Section: Research and Experimentation

Camera: Equipment Room 9

Present: Chief A. Torosyan (Janitorial and Maintenance), Technician P. Deering (JM64)

SCP-5056 is visible in one of its designated containment mirrors.

Chief Torosyan: [Laughing] Cut it out!

Deering: Cut what out?

Chief Torosyan: [Laughing] Cut it OUT!

Chief Torosyan and Technician Deering obstruct SCP-5056's view. SCP-5056 demanifests, then remanifests on a ceiling light fixture.

Chief Torosyan presses Technician Deering to the ground, then climbs on top of him. SCP-5056 demanifests, then remanifests on the mirror, then demanifests, then remanifests on Chief Torosyan's reflective nametag.

Chief Torosyan: Working hard?

Deering: Pretty hard.

Both laugh.

To: TEN.PiCS.34|naysorot_a#TEN.PiCS.34|naysorot_a

From: TEN.PiCS.34|mortsle_tk#TEN.PiCS.34|mortsle_tk

Subject: Unprofessional Workplace Behaviour

Chief Torosyan,

It has come to my attention that you are engaging in inappropriate behaviour with a technician in your employ — JM64, Philip E. Deering — during shift hours. You will refrain from this behaviour in the future, or you will be considered negligent in the matter of containment duties.

Further notices will result in a formal citation on your permanent record.

— Dr. K.T. Elstrom, Chief, Administration and Oversight

Section: Habitation and Sustenance

Camera: Dormitory, JM4414/JM64

Present: Chief A. Torosyan (Janitorial and Maintenance), Technician P. Deering (JM64)

Deering: She does know we're married, right?

Torosyan: Holy shit, what a bitch.

D_Ibanez

Hey, we're all getting together in my quarters at 0900 if you want to come over. We're going to have a few drinks and play UNO. None of us knows how to play UNO because none of us is twelve, so it should be fun.

KT_Elstrom

I don't see why not.

D_Ibanez

This message has been deleted.

KT_Elstrom

I don't see why not.

D_Ibanez

This message has been deleted.

KT_Elstrom

I don't see why not.

D_Ibanez

Oh hey, didn't know you were awake already.

SMS seems to be on the fritz, deleted my message, but you already saw it so I won't retype. See you there!

Section: Habitation and Sustenance

Camera: Dormitory, D. Ibanez

Present: Chief D. Ibanez (Pursuit and Suppression)

Chief Ibanez is staring at her PDA.

Chief Ibanez: It'll be fine.

Chief Ibanez sighs.

Chief Ibanez: It'll be fine.

Hiring and Regulation Casual Channel

S_Knowles: Check it out. Just found this in the digitized files from A&R.

#attachment: k.jpg

L_Siskin: ha who is that

S_Knowles: Looks like Elstrom to me. Who else do you know with skintight vests and monogrammed coffee mugs?

V_Resnik: Monogram's wrong, though

O_Schovajsa: Why's her thumb so long

S_Knowles: I don't know. I didn't draw the thing

O_Schovajsa: Why'd you draw her thumb so long

L_Siskin: no way is that elstrom she doesn't know how to smile

L_Siskin: or express positivity

V_Resnik: Thumb looks alright to me. Arms both look a little off, though. In different ways

O_Schovajsa: Hair's wrong too. You got the hair wrong, Steve.

S_Knowles: I told you, I didn't draw this.

L_Siskin: it's creepy i don't like it it's not right

V_Resnik: "SCP-XXXX is 'Smiling Elstrom', an image which induces strong feelings of anxiety in personnel employed at Site-43."

O_Schovajsa: Why's there a "B" on her mug?

L_Siskin: make her stop smiling

H_Blank: This is inappropriate behaviour. Dr. Elstrom is a member of administrative staff at this facility. You should've reported the image to your supervisors, instead of engaging in this frankly childish behaviour. Consider yourselves on notice.

L_Siskin: shit it says dr. blank is typ

L_Siskin: shit

To: TEN.PiCS.34|sfeihc_dna_sriahc#TEN.PiCS.34|sfeihc_dna_sriahc

From: TEN.PiCS.34|mortsle_tk#TEN.PiCS.34|mortsle_tk

Subject: Unprofessional Workplace Behaviour

To Whom It May Concern,

It has come to my attention that certain staff members at the Chairs and Chiefs hierarchical level have been abusing their clearance privileges to observe non-critical low-level conversations. This behaviour is severely unprofessional, and must stop.

— Dr. K.T. Elstrom, Chief, Administration and Oversight

Section: Habitation and Sustenance

Camera: Dormitory, H. Blank

Present: Dr. H. Blank (Chair, Archives and Revision), Dr. M. Bradbury (Chair, Research and Experimentation)

Dr. Bradbury: Well, you tried.

Dr. Blank: And look where it got me.

Dr. Bradbury: Really sorry that notebook got scanned, though.

Dr. Blank: My fault. Should've looked through those old files more carefully. Kinda would've thought they'd seize on my Willie sketches, instead of this one.

Dr. Bradbury: Do you realize how that s—

Dr. Blank: Yes I realize how that sounds, now.

Dr. Bradbury: Anyway. She looks happy.

Dr. Blank: Yeah.

Dr. Bradbury: Did she ever look that happy?

Dr. Blank: I dunno. Maybe.

Dr. Bradbury: Still got that one you did of me?

Dr. Blank: Ha! 'One'.

Dr. Bradbury: What's the "B" stand for, anyway? Blank?

Dr. Blank: Hell no.

Dr. Bradbury: What, then?

Dr. Blank: Here's a hint: it's not a name.

Dr. Bradbury: …brofessional.

Dr. Blank: You guessed it!

Silence on recording.

Dr. Bradbury: So, you had mixed feelings huh.

Dr. Blank: Yeah, used to.

R_Loring

I didn't intend for it to go that far! It was a mistake on my part.

KT_Elstrom

It was an ethics violation on your part.

R_Loring

Alright, Karen, rub it in why don't you.

KT_Elstrom

What do you expect me to do?

R_Loring

I already told you. Don't make me ask again. Please.

KT_Elstrom

You want me to transfer your lab partner, because you slept with her.

R_Loring

I want you to transfer my lab partner because I REGRET sleeping with her.

KT_Elstrom

Why don't I transfer you instead?

R_Loring

Because I'm the project lead. I'm too important, and you know it.

KT_Elstrom

Why don't you just tell her it's over?

R_Loring

Either you transfer her or I make an HR complaint. She doesn't need that on her file.

R_Loring

For fuck's sake Karen don't make me tell her

R_Loring

Because I won't

To: TEN.PiCS.34|eugaet_b#TEN.PiCS.34|eugaet_b

From: TEN.PiCS.34|mortsle_tk#TEN.PiCS.34|mortsle_tk

Subject: Transfer

Junior Researcher Teague,

You have been selected for the Antarctic Exchange program. We are aware that you did not submit an application; however, we feel this course of action will allow you to continue developing the research skills you have thus far demonstrated at Site-43.

You may not refuse this appointment.

— Dr. K.T. Elstrom, Chief, Administration and Oversight

Section: Research and Experimentation

Camera: Dormitory, Senior Researcher Loring

Present: Senior Researcher Loring, Junior Researcher Teague

Teague: Why is she doing this?! What did I do?

Dr. Loring: It's not your fault. It's not anybody's fault.

Teague: I want to stay here! I want… with…

Dr. Loring: This is for the best. You'll love Antarctica!

NOTICE FROM THE SITE-43 HIRING AND REGULATION SECTION

Dr. Elstrom,

Your complaint has been received. An H&R representative will review your concerns within ten working days, and forward it to the Ethics Committee should forwarding be deemed necessary and/or appropriate. You will receive no further updates.

R_Loring

BITCH

This user is no longer registered with the Site-43 messaging system.

FROM THE DESK OF K.T. ELSTROM

Annual Promotions: 1 April 2021

Expected New Level 3 Staff: 9

Required Briefing Topics: SCP-1000, 110-Montauk (cover story)

Expected New Level 4 Staff: 3

Required Briefing Topics: 110-Montauk (actual), Bowe, Fae extermination, Red Right Hand, Swann's Proposal (partial), Mulhausen Incident, Pandora's Box, Scarlet King, SCP-2000 (provisional: check each case), SCP-5243 timelines (provisional: check each case)

Briefing Officer: Me, again, again

A NOTICE FROM THE SITE-43 HEALTH AND PATHOLOGY SECTION

Dr. Elstrom,

This notice is to inform you that your immunological report has revealed an insoluble allergy to compound DZH-11, a basic component in amnestics of all classes presently in use by the SCP Foundation. Barring future scientific developments, it will not be possible to administer amnestics to you in the manner you describe.

Please contact the Psychology and Parapsychology Section for further treatment options.

— Helena Forsythe, Chair, Health and Pathology

DRAFT

To: TEN.PiCS.34|ehtysrof_h#TEN.PiCS.34|ehtysrof_h

From: TEN.PiCS.34|mortsle_tk#TEN.PiCS.34|mortsle_tk

Subject: Bullshit

I'm Clear 4 with provisional 5, I know DZH-11 was made up as an internal cover for amnesticization request refusals, I read the same fucking memo you did. Am I too goddamn important to mindwipe or are they just waiting for me to burn o█

Administration and Oversight Staffwork Channel

A_Torosyan: Karen, I've told you a dozen times, I don't want them using my techs to test new SCPs. It's dangerous, it's outside the bounds of their duties, and it's taking away manpower from critical systems.

KT_Elstrom: This is the Administration and Oversight staffwork channel, Chief Torosyan.

A_Torosyan: Good! Let's get some real work done here for a change. I want this resolved, right now.

KT_Elstrom: Your staff are technically proficient. They are well-equipped for these investigations.

A_Torosyan: They're not expendable! Sooner or later someone's going to get hurt, and I'm going to raise bloody hell if it's one of my people.

KT_Elstrom: This was an administrative decision, Chief Torosyan. It is not up for debate.

A_Torosyan: I'm calling a Chairs and Chiefs meeting to debate it. We'll see who takes whose side then. I know Kuroki and Ibanez think we're using guards and agents for this crap too much, too.

KT_Elstrom: I believe this conversation is best conducted in private. You have my email address, and you know where my office is.

A_Torosyan: I don't want to have it in private! Private conversations with you always end in nonsensical outcomes. This is a black-and-white decision, Karen. Make the right call next time.

A_Toroysan has been kicked by KT_Elstrom. Reason: Unprofessional workplace behaviour.

Notice of Summons

Dr. Elstrom,

This is a reminder that you are expected at Site-01 in five days' time for a private audience with the O5 Council. Site-43's continued refusal to house and employ D-class personnel on so-called humanitarian grounds is slated for annual review, and you will make a presentation on the cost/reward ratio of this atypical policy. We await your explanation of these "alternative investigation protocols" with great interest.

Should your arguments and evidence prove unpersuasive, you will be overruled and the D-class program reinstated at your Site.

OVERWATCH COMMAND

To: TEN.PiCS.34|lla_thgisrevo_nimda#TEN.PiCS.34|lla_thgisrevo_nimda

From: TEN.PiCS.34|mortsle_tk#TEN.PiCS.34|mortsle_tk

Subject: Signature Policy

Administration and Oversight staff,

This is a reminder that all outgoing policy statements with a Predicted Controversiality Rating of higher than fifty percent must be said to originate from the office of the Chief of Administration and Oversight, regardless of their actual authors, for purposes of projecting an appropriate aura of authority. There will be no exceptions.

— Dr. K.T. Elstrom, Chief, Administration and Oversight

SITE-43 ADMINISTRATION AND OVERSIGHT SECTION

COMPLAINT REPORTING SYSTEM

Greetings KT_Elstrom

(Dr. Karen T. Elstrom, Chief, Administration and Oversight)

There are seventy-nine (79) new complaints to review:

1. Bremmel, Dr. T. (A&E): I'm well aware of local policy, but I've already explained why this project requires immediate access to the D-class pool and furthermore… [expand]

2. Polk, Dr. I. (R&E): A&O takes too long to approve new projects. I've outlined my autopsy/biopsy experiments in complete detail; just review them already, and rubber stamp… [expand]

3. Foster, Junior Researcher R. (R&E): I think I've been amnesticized without my consent.

4. Ibanez, Chief D. (P&S): After that last containment fiasco, my men need serious psychological counselling. They saw a teenaged boy melt for fuck's… [expand]

5. Vroom, Chief M. (I&T): I can't keep reading everyone's browser history. It's just too much. Officially recommending that duty be relegated to Administration and Oversight… [expand]

6. Zaman, Chief N. (H&R): A&O already handles all non-harassment complaints. Associating H&R with harassment reports is driving a wedge between us and the staff. I recommend… [expand]

7. Foster, Junior Researcher R. (R&E): I think I've been amnesticized without my consent.

8-79: Complaints regarding Dr. K.T. Elstrom, Chief, Administration and Oversight [expand]

Section: Administration and Oversight

Camera: Foyer 1

Present: Chief D. Ibanez (Pursuit and Suppression), Dr. L. Lillihammer (Chair, Memetics and Countermemetics)

Chief Ibanez: Karen? What about Karen?

Dr. Lillihammer: THIS ISN'T THE POINT! Karen's a bitch. But it's still not the point.

Chief Ibanez: Well, what is the point? What's so bad about a girls' night in?

Dr. Lillihammer: NOTHING! I just don't want to play motherfucking UNO with you!

To: TEN.PiCS.34|zenabi_d#TEN.PiCS.34|zenabi_d

From: TEN.PiCS.34|mortsle_tk#TEN.PiCS.34|mortsle_tk

Subject: Unprofessional Workplace Behaviour

Chief Ibanez,

On reflection, my attendance at your proposed social event would be improper. As a member of this Site's administrative staff, I should not engage in workplace fraternization. I withdraw my acceptance of your invitation.

This notice should not be construed as an official objection to the event itself, which may be held in my absence should you consider it necessary.

— Dr. K.T. Elstrom, Chief, Administration and Oversight

Section: Habitation and Sustenance

Camera: Dormitory, D. Ibanez

Present: Chief D. Ibanez (Pursuit and Suppression)

Chief Ibanez receives a message on her PDA.

Ibanez: Oh, thank Christ.

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