Site-30's Janitor - SCP Foundation

In a dark, dark, dark closet, within the bowels of Site-30, an intercom crackled to life.

"Janitor Worth, you're needed in the humanoid containment units. A D-Class just got terminated in an experiment."

The janitor groggily pressed the talk button. "Doc, I just woke up. Five more minutes, alright?"

"Oh sure, you can have five more minutes, if you want to be out of a job."

"Doc, ya ever try gettin' to sleep in a closet? No bed? It ain't fun."

"Janitor, get to testing chamber 142 or we're kicking you out of Site-30."

"Alright, alright. Give me a second to get shit organized."

"Thank you, Janitor Worth." The intercom powered down, and the closet was once again filled in silence.

A man stood in that closet, leaning against the wall, huddled with at least 5 brooms and 7 mops. He was half asleep, and not ready to start work. Janitor Worth was his name. His legal name. Janitor Worth took a second to rethink his life, before grabbing a mop and a bucket.

Another day, another bloodstain to clean.

He made his way down the hall, stopping at a testing chamber with two guards standing outside, and one guy in a lab coat. With a sneer on his face the lab coat man looked at the bucket.

"I told you. There's a deceased D-Class. You have to dispose of it."

"It'll fit. Trust me."

The lab coat turned to the guards. He nodded. The guards nodded. They opened the door. The familiar scent of spilled blood poured from the room. The labcoat gagged. Janitor Worth walked in, set the bucket down and looked around. "You made sure this body isn't magical?"

"D-3356's body is non-anomalous. Hume readings have proven so."

The janitor shrugged. He picked up the body, setting it in the small metal bucket. His legs dangled from one end, and his torso hung out the other side. He grabbed the mop, starting to wipe up the blood.

"So, did ya see that game last night?"

"What game?"

"I don't know. I don't got a TV in my closet."

"We're not required to provide you a television."

"I know you've got a computer in your office. Now why can't I get somethin' like that?"

"You do not have to send e-mails every hour to thousands of personnel."

"We both know you use it for porn. Probably why they were originally made. Also, should dead bodies be movin' that much?"

Sure enough, the bucket was empty. One quick scan of the room and the man was in the corner. Scared as hell, which is typical of those who just returned from death. The janitor knew this. Third time this week a body resurrected right in front of him. This was the lab coat's first time.

"Guards! Fire!"

"Nah guys, I got this." The janitor held up the broom.

"What the hell are you talking about?!"

The janitor tossed the mop a little in his hand, before launching it. A split second later, the D-Class screamed. A large wooden pole was sticking from his chest, with a bundle of white cloth on one end, now stained with red. The D-Class looked down at the mop, before going limp. Janitor Worth turned to the lab coat.

"Looks like you owe me an apology."

"What… What did you just do…?"

"I stabbed him. With a mop. Thought that was pretty clear. Anyway, do I gotta dispose of that thing still or can you guys take care of it?"

"Uh… Mr. Worth, can you remove the mop and finish cleaning the blood before you go?"

"Yeah." He walked over, pulling the mop from the wall. The D-Class fell down, revealing a hole in the concrete wall. He finished the job, taking his bucket and mop with him.

Another day, another bloodstain to clean.