Interlude - Excerpt From An Auction Catalog - Marshall Carter And Dark, 2012 - SCP Foundation

Lot #: 50621-173

ANIMATED CONCRETE STATUE

Minimum Bid: $20,000,000

This lovely objet d'art was constructed in 1987 by an anonymous artist out of concrete and rebar. It is 2 meters in height, and painted beige with darker shading around the stomach and buttocks, as well as a striking red and green pattern around the face.

Unusual Qualities: In addition to its striking avant-garde appearance, this one-of-a-kind statue is both animate and quite bloodthirsty. Although it cannot move while being watched, the statue will attempt to strangle or break the neck of any human being it encounters while unobserved.

Care Instructions: The object will cause any enclosed structure it is housed in to become soiled by a slurry composed of feces and blood. It is recommended that cleaning take place at least twice a week by a team of at least six persons, no fewer than three of which should maintain direct line of sight to the object at all times. Persons on "watch duty" should inform the other members of the watch team before blinking.

Disclaimer: The object will be provided to the customer in a sealed steel-reinforced portable safe. Marshall, Carter, and Dark assumes no responsibility for any injuries or fatalities that may occur once the safe is opened.

Lot #: 50621-668

THE GENOVESE BLADE

Minimum Bid: $7,000,000

In addition to its paranormal properties, this particular object also has historical value for those who collect artifacts related to famous crimes. A thirteen-inch chef's knife with a single-beveled edge and a rosewood handle, this item was originally discovered in a heavily damaged condition. It has been lovingly restored to its original quality by our team of experts, and will now serve both as an unusual conversation piece and a useful tool in its own right.

Unusual Qualities: The item has the unique psychic quality of suppressing any attempts to interfere with violent actions taken by its user.

Care Instructions: The blade of the knife should be kept clean, away from moisture, and lubricated carefully against rust. The handle should be polished on a regular basis with any wood care product of your choice.

Disclaimer: This item is provided as a historical curiosity only. Marshall, Carter, and Dark do not endorse criminal behavior of any sort.

Lot #: 50621-1057

THE IDEA OF A SHARK

Minimum Bid: $149,000,000

An unusual piece of dadaist art created by an anonymous member of the "Are We Cool Yet?" avant-garde art movement, this particular item is a five-meter-long animate empty space in the shape of an adult tiger shark. Although completely invisible when immersed in water, this item has been injected with a non-toxic orange dye to make it visible for our members during this auction.

As stated by the original artist: "Panic means that the idea of a shark can be more dangerous than an actual shark. It can even be more dangerous than no shark at all."

Unusual Qualities: Although behaving like and in almost all other respects an actual shark, this item is massless and incorporeal, except when attacking or consuming meat.

Care Instructions: Marshall, Carter, and Dark recommends that this item be kept in a saltwater tank made of at least six-inch-thick transparent acrylic. At least five kg of raw meat and fish should be provided at least three times daily. It is recommended that a non-toxic dye be injected into any food consumed by this object in order to maintain visibility, if desired.

Disclaimer: As the feeding and care of large marine creatures is a complicated task best carried out by experts, Marshall, Carter, and Dark cannot assume responsibility for the continued survival of this item once it has been taken into possession by the buyer.