Old Kansas Sector ~ 13: I Was A Teenage Reality Bender - SCP Foundation

☦Allan fights anomalies in a post-normal world.☦

The Last Era: 14, August, 2119 AD

Paradise, Kansas, USA

3 AM

MCD incorporated around the time the Solar Entity was destroyed, almost spontaneously. The flesh that the entities were housed in squeezed through the first rifts left in the wake of God’s destruction. Marshall and Carter (as they would later be known) had no real knowledge of business, or the workings of Sol for that matter. Dark however was experienced, and its two lackeys would quickly take to the trade under its supervision.

Dark was two universe cycles old, and experienced in several dimensions. Dark began as the first spawn sibling to an entity by the name of Beth, in two triangles, several, within multitudes, inside of something that cant really be known or verbalized. Moments after Dark first achieved consciousness it became interested in capital, resources. Dark bought the extradimensional equivalent to a business license, after taking out a sizeable loan of two universe’ worth of matter.

Dark bought its home universe, Klein, which was a difficult thing to do. While Dark was effectively immortal, it didn't have any extraordinary abilities. After paying /them/ interest on its loan, Dark needed to consolidate the previous universe and take out a reverse mortgage to even travel to Sol, an almost empty universe that was falling apart, or what was called a “fixer upper”.

Among Dark's properties was Envelope Logistics, which was about to be destroyed by one of its associates.

—

Tatty received a phone call from Dark’s secretary on her Arcanus S8. The earpiece emitted a muted, ghostly howl and shimmered softly.

°Tatty. Yeah? If that’s what you really want. I don’t see the point personally, I mean it's an imaginary corporation… No of course. I am just letting you know you ask me to do things sometimes that you probably don’t need to waste your resources… No. Yes. No. Sure, hon. Uhyeahup. I'll let you know.”

Tatty yawned and flicked a light switch on. She shambled to the balcony and pulled a lighter from her jeans pocket. She lit each candle in the portal circle, groaning each time she bent down. The elixirs weren't really helping the pain in her joints, she would need to modify the recipe.

She thought for a moment, massaged her temple with her forefinger, then began waving her arms around lazily in a circle. “Uhh… Salina, Kansas your lord demands this.” She cringed as the portal exploded open in a burst of purple light.

“Alright let's go ahead and fuck this duck,” she announced to no one in particular as she disappeared into the portal.

—

The helicopter continued falling into the infinite void. Tatty squinted through her glasses, analyzing the scene while gently reclining in a floating bubble. She pulled out a single chopstick from her bag and pointed it at the helicopter. She paused, looking awry and muttering to herself. “What was it… From that book with the wizards… Oh, yes. ‘Wing Guardian Leviticus’,” she croaked, and the helicopter began to float.

—

Kondraki continued screaming shortly after the helicopter stopped falling.

Gersha grabbed Kondraki’s hat. “Wooooooo! What a blast!”

Kain crawled out from under a pile of corpses and tilted his head at her. “I am curious as to what exactly is wrong with you, Gersha. Who raised you?”

Gersha laughed and leaned out of the window. “TV. Bobbles said he’s my dad. Or… No. Spider monster. Where’s Mr. Clef?”

Kain scampered up and poked over the window. “Still falling, I presume.”

Suddenly, a loud thud sounded on the roof of the helicopter, Kondraki screamed.

Kain barked excitedly. “A continuum! How interesting! ‘Clef’ is it? Is that you?”

Clef righted himself and surveyed his surroundings “Why don’t we have field agents doing this kind of shit? I went to fucking college. That means I have a doctorate or something. I’ve written papers. I should be in the office listening to Gears talk about chess.”

Gersha pointed at a slowly approaching bubble in the distance. “Whats that?”

Clef reached for his gun, then realized it wasn’t there. “Don’t know. Off top, gonna say it’s bad, seems to be theme.”

Gersha smiled. “Old lady!”

Tatty and Clef locked eyes as she closed the distance. Tatty’s expression was that of shock, then shifting into a cruel smile. She pointed her chopstick at him.

“Alto, you’ve… Aged well.”

—

Allen skittered down EL highway, which was technically somewhere in Gersha's frontal lobe. The city was absolutely awful, a never ending parade of atrocities ran through main street, passing through Murder Square, Burglary Village, Cannibalism Court, and Copyright Infringement Plaza. The world was populated mostly by food, and strange buzzing dragonflies with circular mouths. Somehow people didn’t seem to mind.

Allen noticed a clown on all of the billboards that seemed to be making eye contact with him.

“Screeee! Eeeeeee!” Allen hissed at the passing dream forms. An Avocado looked at him with consternation.

Not my day! Not a good day! I need to talk to whoever is in charge! That’s it. I can… Uh. That girl. What's her name again? I’m in her head, so… Could I at least look out of her eyes? Maybe I could take over the brain? Eh, that’s kind of messed up in a way isn’t it? Man, jeez I just wanted some wifi.

Allen hissed at the Avocado, causing her to flinch. Where is the brain president?

The Avocado rolled on its side. “Asshole.”

Allen scratched his head. How do I get there?

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Old Kansas Sector: Part 14 »

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