Clowning Around - SCP Foundation

The following is a transcript of a segment of the fourth episode of the 12th season of SCP-1257, titled "Clownin' Around." Despite the potential appearance of the "Bobble the Clown" entity, the episode does not display any properties of SCP-993, and can be watched by any individual. The plot of the episode consists of Danny attempting to find an individual to perform at the Birthday Party of Janice's1 Nephew after he accidentally administered an Class-A Amnestic to the magician she had hired.

Commercial Break Ends

Unnamed Doctor: Sorry Danny, you can't "borrow" SCP-846.

Danny: But it's an emergency!

Unnamed Doctor: You said that last time, and we're still trying to clean up the Robo-Radiation.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Danny: Fuddlesticks2.

Danny travels down hallways of Site, ignoring other personnel.

Danny: What am I going to do? Janice is going to be so mad… I need somebody, anybody, that can take over the party for him… maybe Cassey can help.

"Bobble the Clown" appears on camera, holding a banana. Note that it is an unidentified human dressed as "Bobble" rather then an animated character.

Bobble: Did somebody say Party?

Danny: Uh, I did. Can you help?

Bobble: Sure I can, I love kids!

Danny: Awesome! Thanks a bunch uh… what's your name?

Bobble: I'm Bobble the Clown!

[AUDIENCE CHEERS]

Danny: Well thanks Bobble, I was in a real… bind… Waaaaiittt a minute. Aren't you from SCP-993?

Bobble: Some people say that I guess. I think it's a rather rude nickname. Something funner would be better I think!

Danny: Containment Breach!

Danny runs down the hall in an attempt to sound the Containment Breach alarm. Bobble unpeels the banana it is holding, and throws it in front of Danny. This causes him to slip over the peel and fall off camera.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Bobble looks directly at the camera.

Bobble: You see kids, running never helps.

Scene fade's out. Upon fading back in Danny, still unconscious, is handcuffed to a chair in an interrogation room.

Bobble: Wakey wakey Danny.

Bobble dumps a bucket of water over Danny's head, causing him to sputter and awaken.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Danny: Whaaa… hey you're still here.

Danny attempts to stand up, but fails upon noticing the restraints.

Danny: Fud-

Before Danny can finish speaking Bobble slaps him in the face.

Bobble Don't even think of saying that stupid phrase!

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Bobble turns to face the camera again.

Bobble: Well hey there boys and girls. I'm Bobble the Clown, special guest star here at "Agent Danny of the SCP Foundation!3"

[APPLAUSE]

Danny: What are you talking about?

Bobble: Danny, Danny, Danny. Don't you remember? Watching me with Tyler? All the fun we had?

Danny: You know my dad?

Bobble: Why wouldn't I? There's little I don't know after all. Just a few things I don't know, which is why I'm here Danny.

Bobble slaps Danny in the face again.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Bobble: Today kids, we're going to learn about a stupid, awful show. A show that, for some reason, continues to exist. While MY SHOW is censored. Talk about executive meddling am I right?

Danny: Well maybe if you weren't such a jerk maybe people might watch your show!

Bobble Shut the fuck up.4

Bobble punches Danny in the eye. However other then a shout of pain, there is no sign of injury once its fist is withdrawn.5

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Danny: Ugg… this isn't how it's supposed to go.

Bobble: Well there we go! Here's today's lesson kids; you don't always get what you want. I want to teach boys and girls all over all the IMPORTANT things they need to know, and you want to do whatever inane plotline you have running. I'm not getting what I want right now, and soon enough you won't be either.

Bobble grabs Danny by the hair.

Bobble: You're a bit upset now, but don't worry. You won't have the energy to feel anything like that by the time I'm done. Because you see Danny…

Bobble slams Danny's face into the table, it then repeats this following each word it says next.

Bobble: I. Am. Going. To. Break. You.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS FOR TWO MINUTES]

Bobble continues to slam Danny's face into the table until the audience stops laughing.

Bobble: Now then, what have you begun to learn Danny?

Bobble lifts up Danny's head, looking straight into his face.

Danny: I learned that your shoe's untied.

Bobble looks down, he is then headbutted by Danny. This knocks Bobble roughly a meter away.

Danny: Code Forty Four Zulu!6

Bobble's clown nose is visibility bleeding.

Bobble: You ugly, STUPID, UNFUNNY LITTLE-

The door to the interrogation room opens, and an individual who had repeatedly appeared in the background but lacked a speaking role enters the room. Upon entering the room he fires a taser at Bobble. Bobbles reaction is exaggerated as electricity flows around it, before falling unconscious.

Danny: Wow, thanks Agent Fred!

Agent Fred then removes the unlocks the handcuffs, allowing Danny to stand.

Agent Fred: No problem Danny. Let's get this clown back into containment

Scene fades out, upon fading back in Danny and Agent Fred are standing outside of what appears to be Site ██'s Video Archive.

Danny: Fuddlesticks! I forgot! I need to find something for the party!

Agent Fred places his hand on Danny's shoulder.

Agent Fred: Don't worry about it. Why not do the entertainment yourself?

Danny: You know, that's not such a bad idea…

The remainder of the episode continues without any deviation from the usual SCP-1257 episodes. Danny manages to successfully entertain all the children at the birthday party. However, he accidentally reveals classified Foundation Intelligence in the process. As such, all the children are administered Amnestics, and do not remember the party.

Footnotes

1. A Research Assistant introduced last season and currently serving as a love interest for Danny.

2. Danny's "catchphrase," having used it since the show was titled "Raising Danny"

3. This is the only known instance in which the "SCP Foundation" is refereed to by its proper name in any episode of SCP-1257

4. This is the only instance of profanity in any episode of SCP-1257

5. This is consistent with other episodes of SCP-1257. While "slapstick" violence occurs, no lasting injuries are ever shown on screen unless the plot of the episode requires an element like a broken limb.

6. A spoken code to be used in the event a hostile individual is loose in an interrogation room. The computerized recorders will automatically sound the alarm in the event it is spoken.