Habil and Qabil - SCP Foundation

Surveillance Report Mu-4, 26/12/2017:

During routine online investigation for anomalous content, our dark web crawler (EmoSpiderMan.aic) discovered a web series entitled "Habil and Qabil" which constitutes an extreme breach of Foundation security.

"Habil and Qabil" is a sitcom explicitly set at Site 17 and stars numerous characters based on actual SCPs within the Foundation's possession, primarily scips whose SCP designations are lower than 10001.

The two main characters are SCP-076-2 and SCP-073. Despite the title of the show using their Quranic names, the characters are always referred to as Cain and Able within the show itself. They are depicted as an 'Odd Couple' attempting to get along despite their differences.

There is also some degree of estrangement between the two, which is not directly dealt with until the first season finale. Each episode is approximately 22 minutes long, including opening and closing credits. Aside from the show's title, the credits are in an unknown language of glyphs that has yet to be identified or deciphered, although they do have a superficial similarity to the markings on SCP-076-1.

The actors portraying Cain and Able do bear a strong resemblance to SCP-076-2 and SCP-073, however numerous differences have been observed. Cain's mark is inaccurate, and his prosthetics appear to be low quality CGI. Able's tattoos are also inaccurate, apparently redesigned to be more aesthetically pleasing, and are inconsistent between episodes. He also carries his bladed weapons with him at all times and does not possess the ability to summon them in the matter of SCP-076-2.

Other main characters based off SCPs include:

- SCP-191 "Cybie". Like Cain, her prosthetics appear to be computer generated and are not 100 percent accurate. Notably, she appears to possess a voicebox whereas the real 191 does not and typically communicates by interfacing with available devices. The character possesses a stereotypical robot voice intended to comically contrast with her nature as an extremely stereotypical preteen girl. Unlike SCP-191, the character is highly exuberant and does not appear to suffer any psychological or mental trauma from her abduction and subsequent mutilation. Her friendship with SCP-134, however, is depicted fairly accurately.

- SCP-134 "Stella". The effect for her eyes is again low-quality CGI. As is common for fictional depictions of the disabled, she is portrayed as more helpless than she actually is. Though the character is blind, SCP-134's high-functioning autism appears to be absent.

- SCP-105 "Iris". She is infatuated with Able, and most of her appearances involve her trying to get him to reciprocate her affection. While MTF Omega-7 is mentioned in multiple episodes, Alpha-9 is not, possibly indicating that the series is set in between these two time periods. It also appears that the destruction of Containment Area 25a never occurred, with Omega-7 simply disbanding due to Able 'burning out', which may explain his atypical non-violent demeanour in the series.

- SCP-507 "Grabnok the Destroyer". His jumps to other realities are much more frequent and shorter in nature, sometimes occurring multiple time per episode. He also insists on everyone calling him Grabnok the Destroyer, whereas the real SCP-507 only requested this once in jest and has objected to the fact that his file lists this as a suitable moniker for him.

As of the writing of this document, neither Artificially Intelligent Conscripts or Foundation personnel have been able to identify any of the actors or locations that appear in "Habil and Qabil".

The video hosting site featuring "Habil and Qabil" has been shut down, and a multi-platform software patch has been sent out to automatically delete downloads and detect video streams of the series. Unfortunately, Intelligence has come to the conclusion that the series originates from an anomalous cloud computing network utilized by the Serpent's Hand, simply referred to as the "The Dark Web". For reasons that have yet to be determined, Foundation agents are unable to access this network.

Infiltrating and ultimately shutting down this anomalous network is currently the primary objective for containment of "Habil and Qabil", and likely other equally (if not greater) security breaches.

All currently available episodes of "Habil and Qabil" have been downloaded and are stored on an encrypted external hard drive, kept within a security locker at Site-15. Below is a summary of Season 1 episodes of "Habil and Qabil" compiled by numerous Foundation personnel with the appropriate clearance.

Episode # 101, "Pilot"

Synopsis: Cain is going about his typical routine at Site 17 when he is called to reception, where Able is waiting. Able has been transferred from Site 19 on the flimsy pretext that since he hasn't gone on a killing spree for a while it is no longer worth the cost of keeping him in a high-security facility. Able insists on heading to the canteen so that he can use SCP-458. Once they have the box, Cain goes about the task of familiarizing Able with Site 17.

They join a tea party with Cybie, Stella, several instances of SCP-1926, and a life-sized living doll which is never identified but may be intended to be SCP-706. Able ruins the party with his morbid and nihilistic dialogue, and his inability to grasp the concept of imaginary tea.

Grabnok is awestruck to meet Able and immediately challenges him to tic-tac-toe. Able declines, but says he would be willing to play Risk with him if he has a board. Grabnok eagerly accepts. While this is happening, Iris is pressing Cain for information about Able, specifically anything that might help them get back together. Grabnok 'jumps' during their game.

While Able is waiting for him to return, Iris attempts to flirt with him, only to become enraged and flip their board over when he claims not to remember her. Cain attempts to have a serious conversation with Able to find out what's going on but makes little progress. Grabnok returns in an Easter Bunny costume and accuses Able of being of sore sport for flipping over the board.

Foundation Commentary: SCP-076-2 has always been primarily contained at Containment Area 25a/b, and keeping him at Site 19 would pose an unacceptable risk of a mass containment breach. This risk was demonstrated when he was on assignment at Site 19 with MTF Omega-7 and caused a mass containment breach. Twice. On the same day.

Episode # 102, "You've Been Spelling My Name Wrong All These Years!"

Synopsis: While filling out paperwork related to his transfer, Able discovers that the Foundation spells his name A-B-L-E, and he insists it's supposed to be spelt A-B-E-L. A DMV style episode ensues wherein he and Grabnok deal with the Foundation's bureaucracy in attempting to get their names officially changed to Abel and Grabnok the Destroyer. They both fail and realize that their official names don't matter as much as how they view themselves.

There is a secondary plot where SCP-1370 is accidentally set loose in Site 17 with Cain and Iris trying to capture it. The most notable scene is when SCP-1370 tries to attack Stella and Cybie, but due to its incompetence, they fail to realize it's trying to hurt them. They treat it like a doll and get it to accept the name of Princess Priscilla Pie.

Foundation Commentary: For those who may be curious, when SCP-076-2 was asked if he had a name, he simply replied 'Able'. When asked how to spell it, he merely growled. The interviewer just wrote it down as the English word able, perhaps not making the connection to the biblical Abel, and that's how we've spelt it ever since. If SCP-076-2 ever had an issue with this, he never said anything.

Episode # 103, "Pandora's Box"

Synopsis: After Grabnok once again jumps during a game of Risk with Able, Iris offers to take his place. Able reluctantly accepts. The two discuss their past (Able admitting he was lying about not remembering her), focusing mainly on their relationship while glossing over their actual work in Omega-7.

Able confesses that sometime during his tenure with Omega-7 he lost his passion for killing, and that may have had something to do with her, and he's not sure if that makes him love her or hate her. She tells him to either come fuck her or kill her when he figures it out. Gragnok reappears covered in flour and exclaims they tried to bake him into a cake.

The secondary plot involves Cain trying to teach his native language to the girls, only to accidentally summon a Keter-class lifeform.

Foundation Commentary: As SCP-076-02 official psychological profile makes clear, Able has no interest in either sexual or romantic relationships and was never known to engage in either. He did, however, show SCP-105 an uncharacteristic amount of respect after she managed to defeat him in a contest of anomalous skills, which may be the closest thing to love he's capable of feeling.

Episode # 104, "My Primary Function Is Failure"

Synopsis: Cybie confesses to Stella that she feels inferior to Cain since she's just a regular cyborg, whereas he is a magic cyborg "Cursed by the God of Abraham and forged by the dark and powerful alchemy of an ancient and bloodthirsty race whose very existence had to be wiped from history to safeguard our reality from their unquenchable conquest!".

She attempts to emulate several of Cain's abilities and becomes depressed when she fails to do so. Cain comforts her by pointing out all the things she can do (mostly computer related) that he can't.

The secondary plot involves Cain, Iris, and Grabnok each trying to convince Able to move into their room with them, as he had hitherto been sleeping in the common room. He chooses Grabnok since he doesn't have a history with him.

Foundation Commentary: The Foundation Archeological and Anthropological departments have yet to prove or disprove this episode's account of SCP-073's origins.

Episode # 105, "Shy Guy's Night Out!"

Synopsis: Able tells Cain that he's bored and demand that they and Grabnok have a guys night out (it's treated as a joke that the security at Site 17 is so minimal the residents can essentially leave at will). When Iris attempts to tag along, Able gives her a photo of SCP-096, which immediately enters its hostile state and comes after her.

Iris is forced to use her abilities to prevent 096 from reaching her, necessitating she remain focused on the photo constantly. This comprises the secondary plot of the episode.

The first bar the guys go to has too much wooden furniture which Cain inadvertently destroys. They then go to a single's bar where Able attempts to act as a wingman for Cain and Grabnok, but all attempts at flirtation end disastrously. Their third stop is a Karaoke bar, and their singing is so terrible that they are chased off stage and forced to flee.

The next scene is set the following night where the guys are with Cybie and Stella in the common room watching Finding Nemo, accepting that this is where they're most comfortable. An exhausted and dishevelled Iris comes in angrily and throws the photo of 096 back at Able, saying she had to fight it for 27 hours before it gave up. She storms out when Able does not apologize.

Able looks at the photo, and we cut to 096 wailing and clawing at its face but making no attempt to escape, indicating that it has failed to defeat Able in the past. Able smirks smugly.

Foundation Commentary: The computer-generated depiction of SCP-096 does not induce a response and may be viewed safely. Though SCP-096 did surrender after battling SCP-682 for 27 hours, this was the only such incident and it is unknown if this truly does represent an upper limit for its hostile state. Requests for further testing on this matter had been unanimously and consistently denied by both the O5 Council and the Ethics Committee for security and budgetary reasons, respectively.

Episode # 106, "Able And Grabnok Travel The Multiverse!"

Synopsis: Able inadvertently touches Grabnok while he's jumping, getting pulled along to an alternate universe. Unlike the actual SCP-507, Grabnok apparently has a few seconds of warning before he jumps and can tell Able when to grab onto him.

They end up going through multiple universes before finally returning to their base reality. Grabnok apologizes, but Able tells him it was the most fun he's had in a while and might tag along with him again sometime.

The secondary plot involves Iris trying to get Cain to eat some vegetables (eating healthier despite being immortal), with predictable results.

Foundation Commentary: All the universes shown in this episode are alternate realities either documented by SCP-507 or otherwise known to the Foundation. At one point they visit the reality associated with SCP-093, and Able fights off several of the Unclean while Grabnok frequently shouts at him to "Go for the legs!" (the Unclean do not have legs).

Episode # 107, "This Is Why We Stopped Cross Testing!"

Synopsis: Grabnok decides to run SCP-458 through SCP-914 on its 'very fine' setting, in the hopes of getting more than just pizza out of it. The box becomes a Pizza Hut box, and is also fully sapient, as are the pizzas it spawns.

The Pizzas attempt to overthrow Humanity as the dominant life form on earth. Able defeats all the Pizzas but is unable to destroy the box, so they stick it back in SCP-914 and turn it back to normal.

The secondary plot involves Iris attempting to explain 'the birds and the bees' to Cybie and Stella, which quickly becomes inappropriate, as well as involving far too much of her relationship with Able.

Foundation Commentary: While SCP-458 appears in every episode as an 'easter egg' this is the first and only occasion where it is a major plot point. Of particular interest is the fact that every time a cast member uses SCP-458, it produces the actual favourite pizza of the SCP they are based on. In fact, SCP-458 is the only SCP in this series with no noticeable inaccuracies. It is suspected that one of "Habil and Qabil's" producers may have an obsession with this SCP object.

Episode # 108, "The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny!"

Synopsis: This episode is nearly entirely CGI. It's set in a WWE style fighting ring. The returning champion is SCP-682, who must defend his title against former challengers SCP-173, 076-2 and 096, as well as newcomers SCPs 029, 035, 049 and 106.

Able's behaviour in this episode is similar to Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's during his wrestling career. The referee is a man wearing SCP-963, SCP-166 serves as a ring girl, and the announcer is SCP-2337, who provides a largely incomprehensible commentary.

There are three rounds where 682 takes on its opponents in tag teams (Able and 029, 173 and 096, and 049 with 106 wearing 035 for part of the round) and a final free for all which includes SCP-1048 and a large number of its duplicates.

Before a victor can be declared numerous Foundation security personnel break into the ring and recontain all SCPs. Able's persona changes to Terry Malloy, complaining about how he could have been a contender.

The show then cuts to a live action shot of Able who says "And that's what my life at Site 19 was like." The other characters stare at him blankly for a moment before Grabnok says "Bullshit."

Foundation Commentary: Inaccuracies are numerous but include 173 being able to move while in line-of-sight of other SCPs, 096 only attacking 682 despite other SCPs being able to see its face, and 106 using portals in a manner similar to Chell from the video game Portal. SCP-2337 is probably the most accurate portrayal, as it is extremely loud and irritating.

Episode # 109, "Keter Duty"

Synopsis: A newly captured Keter-class entity resembling an oversized blobfish2 is brought to Site 17 for temporary containment, and Cain and Able are assigned to look after it until it can be moved elsewhere. The entity is relatively docile but notices that there's a good deal of tension between its two guards.

It eventually gets them arguing with each other over whose fault it was they've been estranged for so many millennia and uses the chance to escape and kill thousands.

The secondary plot involves Cybie catching a virus and experiencing numerous malfunctions that the others have to deal with until she recovers.

Foundation Commentary: This episode was atypically violent, with the Keter entity eating most of its victims until it eventually exploded.

Episode # 110, "Data Expunged3"

Synopsis: Grabnok attempts to get Cain to reveal various pieces of classified information to him, by offering him insights into Able's psyche he has gained during their friendship.

Grabnok proves extremely gullible, as Cain is able to convince him that SCP-447 causes dead bodies to do the monster mash, 110-Montauk is making SCP-231-7 listen to Nickelback, and that SCP-055 is really just a leak in an amnestic storage tank that no one can remember to fix.

In exchange, Grabnok tells him that Able thinks a lot about their childhood on their parents' farmstead, wishes he could have it back, but that's not enough to forgive Cain for what he did. Cain nods sadly and leaves to attend his duties.

In the secondary plot, Able and Iris take the girls to the Site's library, where Cybie finds a children's illustrated bible and asks if Able's the same one from the book. He replies no since their names are spelt differently apparently, but his violent reaction to Abel's murder implies that he is.

Foundation Commentary: No, Nickelback is not involved in Procedure 110-Montauk. That is not why monitoring personnel are permitted to turn the audio off.

Episode # 111, "The LOL Foundation"

Synopsis: The staff put the main characters through different tests, ostensibly to learn more about them but really just to torment with them. Many of these tests involve killing D-class for no apparent reason.

Grabnok is the one to finally snap and lead an uprising of SCPs against the Foundation. He easily gains control of the site's nuclear bomb and threatens to detonate it unless his demands are met.

As his demands are basically that the staff conduct themselves according to actual Foundation protocols and policies, they are granted. Everything goes back to normal, except that Site 17 now has a Taco Tuesday.

Foundation Commentary: It is advised not to show this episode to D-class who have been in service for under a month, as it makes multiple morbid jokes regarding the alleged monthly termination of D-class personnel. Reinforcing this rumour to new D-classes would likely negatively affect their performance.

Episode # 112, "049, 049, 049!!!!!!"

Synopsis: This episode is unusual in that it focuses on a Foundation researcher, Dr. Locke, training a group of new junior researchers. Dr. Locke attempts to show the young researchers some of the more obscure SCPs, only to become frustrated with their obsession with the main cast and other 'classic' SCPs.

Eventually they encounter SCP-049, who claims to have wandered over from Site 19 to collect on a wager regarding the most recent Ultimate Showdown. The new researchers all clamour for him to say "I am the cure", and are elated when he obliges.

At this point Dr. Locke starts ranting at SCP-049, pointing out how his costume is not historically accurate and how hammy his dialogue is. SCP-049 responds with "Good sir, my cure is most effective", much to the delight of the young researchers.

Dr. Locke punches SCP-049 in the face, and the episode ends.

Foundation Commentary: The junior researchers often cite the ratings of their favourite SCPs to justify why they are the best. To clarify, the actual purpose of the database's rating system is [DATA EXPUNGED].

Episode # 113, "Please, Contain Yourself"

Synopsis: While looking after the girls, Able becomes frustrated with Stella's limitations and physically hits her. He's immediately horrified and runs off. The cast goes looking for him, and Cain eventually finds Able in the basement, having constructed a rudimentary containment area for himself using the furniture.

Able claims that he doesn't belong at Site 17 and that he should be back at 19 with the other monsters. He says that ever since the death of Agent ███████, he's been feeling more empathy for people and less rage until it eventually got to the point he couldn't even kill anymore. He's still dangerous to everyone though, so he should stay locked up in SCP-076-1 forever.

Cain says that that's how he felt after he murdered Able all those millennia ago, and why he now dedicates himself to helping others as much as possible. A monster in a cage is still a monster, and if Able wishes for redemption he'll have to earn, but Cain is willing to help.

Able accepts his brother's offer and goes to apologize. Stella accepts, but she and Cybie assault him with pillows as fair retribution. The camera pulls out and focuses on an aquarium containing SCP-1867 who says "And that my friends is how Doctor Wondertainment learned the true value of Transcendental Meditation. Goodnight."

Foundation Commentary: This episode appears to have been an attempt at 'a very special episode'. Quite frankly, such a portrayal of SCP-076-2 is disrespectful to the countless staff and civilians terminated by it. It was also somewhat jarring when compared to the overall tone of the series. It is suspected the producers had exhausted their CGI budget at this point in the series, as Cain and Cybie have minimal screen time and when they are present are shot from strategic angles to obscure the view of their prosthetics.

The general consensus among Foundation researchers is that it is highly unlikely whoever was funding this will order a second season.

Footnotes

1. According to the original website, this is because they proved most popular with focus groups

2. Psychrolutes marcidus

3. To clarify, "Data Expunged" is the title of the episode. The title has not been censored by Foundation personnel.