`Twas The Night Before Christmas - SCP Foundation

`Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the site

not a Keter is stirring, to My great delight.

The paperwork filed in the cabinets with care,

each one a story of objects most rare,

Humanoids held firm in ten-meter cubes,

and Euclids suspended in magnetic tubes.

But researchers, technicians, D-class and more,

were hiding in fear from the sounds of a war.

The East wing had lights flashing warnings in Morse

about the escape of an anomalous horse,

Two Keters, three Euclids, one thought Safe but not,

merging together in one ball of snot,

were barely but noticed by keen Doctor Bright.

A crisis at last had now moved him to fright,

his powers immortal availing him nought

and expert assistance he went out and sought.

Grabbing all resources that he could claim,

Six MTF teams, he called each by name:

"Now Cleaners! now Gear Deads! now Memetic Fixers!

On Toasters! On Weirds! On Timeline Deep-Sixers!

To the Basement L-4, to the site of the breach!

Don't wait! Get going! To all I must preach,

the pain of our failure is the end of us all!"

Rushing they jostled to get to the hall

containing the Monster, the Doctor's true dread,

fervently hoping to put Me to bed.

The snotball had the Cleaners tied up in knots,

while Toasters and Gear Deads were blocked by some bots

escaping their quarters and running all round,

trying to bind all the things that aren't bound.

Backwards and forwards the scrapping did go,

until I called Time and their fighting went slow.

The Weirds did not know that last week had gone wrong,

an SCP's slow-acting memetic song

made them ignore the good Doctor's commands,

as they were all busy staring at hands.

The Memetic Fixers tried chanting in rhyme

My True Name in Greek while assaulting a mime,

which in all fairness really should have worked,

but instead in my heart I secretly smirked,

My misinformation had led them astray,

assaulting a mine is what keeps Me at bay.

Timeline Deep-Sixers, most suited for this,

gave it their best but still came up a miss.

They ran down My hall, they ran with much vigor,

but too late! and My power did trigger,

Their forward-most man almost made it to me,

but now for eternity I get to see

his eyes frozen wide at the sign on My door

upon which is written: "BEWARE: CHRONOVORE."

'Twas the night before Christmas.

'Twas the night before Christmas.

'Twas the night before Christmas.

'Twas the night before Christmas.

'Twas the night before Christmas.

'Twas the night before Christmas.

'Twas the night before Christmas.

'Twas the night before Christmas.

'Twas the night before Christmas.

- text found printed on the back of Anomalous Object 173-21-214, which appears to be a large print of a photo overlooking Site-19's main administrative area as an explosion is just beginning. The photo is impossible to fold or cut in any way and nothing can adhere to it, but is otherwise unremarkable. No source for this object is recorded in the database.