Cool Guys Don't Look At Explosions - SCP Foundation

From: krd.liamhcrot|yaB.M#krd.liamhcrot|yaB.M

To: krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon#krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon

Subject: New Project!

Hey, Critic! I just wanted to clear my latest piece with you before I submit it to the Curator. I'm real excited about it, it's my first time submitting a full-length feature. Can I send it over to you for you to get your thoughts?

From: krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon#krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon

To: krd.liamhcrot|yaB.M#krd.liamhcrot|yaB.M

Subject: Re: New Project!

Bay, I swear to G-d, if your piece is another explosion extravaganza I will personally bar you from entering any further showings. We're all sick and tired of you trying to pass pyrokinesis off as art.

From: krd.liamhcrot|yaB.M#krd.liamhcrot|yaB.M

To: krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon#krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon

Subject: Re:Re:New Project!

Oh, come on, Critic. You know pyrokinesis is my jam. Explosions are totally cool. Come on, I know you want to watch it! It's got Mekhane in it! I know how much you want to get that grant from the Soho Cogwork Orthodox Church! It'll be fun! You'll enjoy it, I promise. It's gonna be a real crowd-pleaser.

From: krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon#krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon

To: krd.liamhcrot|yaB.M#krd.liamhcrot|yaB.M

Subject: Re:Re:Re: New Project!

Fine. Send it over.

From: krd.liamhcrot|yaB.M#krd.liamhcrot|yaB.M

To: krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon#krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon

Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re:New Project!

:)

ONE ATTACHMENT 📎

m_bay2007.mov

From: krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon#krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon

To: krd.liamhcrot|yaB.M#krd.liamhcrot|yaB.M

Subject: Fuck's sake.

Bay,

This was, predictably, a schlockfest. I could spend all day listing the things wrong with this train wreck of a film you have sent me, but for the sake of brevity, I will only list out the most blatantly offensive bits for you. Not because I want you to take this and improve it, but because I want you to really sit down and think about the bullshit you've presented me.

The explosions. By G-d the explosions.

This is incredibly misogynist. The women in the film might as well be objects.

Your depiction of the Clockwork Fever is laughable. A cube? It manifests as just a cube? This is pathetically uncreative.

Why did you include so many explosions?

The Mekhanites are portrayed as mindless brutes amidst a civil war. Yes, the Cogwork Orthodox Church may not get along with the Maxwellist sect, but this is really tasteless.

The worst part about this civil war thing is I can't even tell which faction each is supposed to represent.

This film depicts the corpse of Mekhane. The CORPSE of Mekhane. Don't you think seeing your deity dead would be distressing to the Mekhanites in the audience?

Do you get hard when you see an explosion, Bay?

In short, this was a terrible filmgoing experience and I refuse to show it at this year's exhibition. You should feel bad for the careers of the actors you will inevitably ruin with this film.

From: krd.liamhcrot|yaB.M#krd.liamhcrot|yaB.M

To: krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon#krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon

Subject: Re: Fuck's sake.

You know what? Don't worry about it. I don't need this anart shit anyway.

Peace, bitch.

From: krd.liamhcrot|ehtrotaruc#krd.liamhcrot|ehtrotaruc

To: krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon#krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon

Subject: Hey!

Hey critic,

It's been a while. Do you want to go see that Transformers movie? I think one of our guys worked on it. Looks like a good time.

From: krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon#krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon

To: krd.liamhcrot|ehtrotaruc#krd.liamhcrot|ehtrotaruc

Subject: RE: Hey!

Son of a bitch.

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