A god, a joke, and some ducks - SCP Foundation

To Anoati, staying on a pedestal in a barren room with nothing but a past sacrifice was horrible. The room is made of a mockery of Anoa-stone which was simply crossing the line. His weekly meetings with Dr. Simons was all that was keeping him from expressing his godly ire upon those-who-make-weak-anoa-stone. Dr. Simons had told him last week that they would bring to him a collection humorous stories. He could hear footsteps a distance away, the break of silence had the godly head wondering what these stories will be and more importantly what will be sacrificed to him this week. A section of the wall breaks away and folds inward into the room revealing a doctor in its wake.

"Hello, Anoati." Dr. Simons said.

"Dr. Simons!" The god bellowed, "Have you brought these stories you have told me about!"

"Yes, I have it right here." The scientist replied calmly, fishing out a small book from a pocket on their lab coat.

"Yes! I can not wai-" The god head was rudely interrupted by a blaring sound seemingly coming from everywhere that was saying something, the meaning of which was lost on the talking head.

"How dare you interrupt the divine Anoati! Dr. Simons what is so important of this 'breach' to interrupt our conversation!?" The clay head questioned. Dr. Simons, alarmed by the alarm had dropped the book, "I apologize Anoati, but I must be going." The doctor spoke quickly as they left, the door folding back into its previous place in the wall.

"Wait, Simons!" The god belted out, but it was too late, they were gone from the room leaving behind only a book. "I suppose Dr. Simons wouldn't mind if I read some stories myself!" The bodyless god yelled to no-one in particular.

As Anoati levitated the book to him he found he could hardly wait for what the doctor had originally planned. As the god read the first story he saw in the book his ecstasy gradually turned into disappointment. "Perhaps it was well that Dr. Simons be drawn off from this book!" The divine rock declared.

"Yeesh, I didn't expect my first reader to be such a critic." A sourceless voice intoned.

"Intruder! Leave now or face my divine wrath!" Anoati shouted at nothing.

"I should be the angry one here buddy, do you know how much effort I put into that book? Look it's crying!" The voice said defensively.

The god paid no attention to the books emotional state, rather focusing on the invisible invader, "I am no buddy of yours, heretic! State your name!"

"Ow, hitting where it hurts. I'm not really participating in the name game, but you can call me Jay." The voice mused.

"I shall not honor you by calling you by your name! Are you responsible for this breach that called Dr. Simons away!"

"Breach? Oh god, we're in the foundation, aren't we? I finally get my book out and the first place I go is the foundation," The voice sighed, "What do they have you in here for?"

"I am Anoati, the god of Anoa-stone!" The god of Anoa-stone yelled.

"Well gee, my first god. Do you do heaven or reincarnation, wait, what about a breach?"

As the two squabbled they had managed to ignore a group of toy ducks that had managed to open the cell door. They had been continued to be ignored until one of the ducks, adorned with blast armor, thought it would be great for the conversation if he started throwing cartoony sticks of dynamite. "Hahahahahaha! Boom! Look, Boss!"

The Boss standing only a few inches away to the screaming duck with an annoyed look on nearly expressionless face "Blasty, quit with da bombs we need to find da treasure, den you can blow dis cell to the heavens." Blasty, heartbroken by the exchange walked away before instantly returning to his rampage. "There's supposed to be a gahd in dis room, he must be hiding hid treasure in dis ugly head." muttered a duck wearing a pinstripe suit.

The voice, awestruck with the turn of events looked with awe as the ducks eventually found themselves going towards his book, maybe they'll appreciate the jokes this god disregarded with disgust. Instead, it became further distraught when one of the ducks peered into the book closed it and then threw a bomb at it, casually destroying it without a hint of remorse. "What the hell you loon, I get not liking it, but that went too far, man! I'll have you know I have connections to god." the voice told the toy.

"Silence!" the head shouted to all who were listening, "I shall get rid of you, a prison Anoa-stone will do nicely."

"Noah? Who is dat? Does he got the trea-" The Boss said before being mildly inconvenienced by suddenly being transformed into iron.

"Take that intruder!" A thundering voice thundered. "Who's next!"

"Hey, Boss can you get up, this head g-" A larger more menacing duck was saying before being transformed himself into the iron-like Anoa-stone.

" D-don't worry Boss I'll help," The armored duck falsely claimed before being turned mid-toss.

The pinstripe duck, the one who figured out what was going on by the time boss froze was already trying to leave, however, they were too late and was frozen without a word. The last duck already realized what was happening popped a cigarette in their mouth before joining their team in the rubber duck afterlife. "Christ, god I know I got a little peeved back there but that's a bit overstepping it." The voice stated somberly, "So where does that leave us?"

"Leave or I will force you out!" Anoati yelled at the voice in his head.

"The only way for me to get out is if you take yourself out."

"So be it!" The head said loudly, rising the corpse of a long-dead pig above him.

"Okay, this is just some misunderstanding, so do-", a loud crash and then nothing else. The voice left with one final thought, "I hope the other buyers are more reasonable."

Look at DrDromeus' submission here!