Sol Invictus - SCP Foundation

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Check out the audiobook by SCP Un[REDACTED]!

This was not how Primrose Fatish Von Trevil typically decorated for this time of year.

The jackal woman had never celebrated Christmas before. She celebrated Sol Invictus, and since the holiday coincided with her birthday, she took the event seriously. It marked the time of the year where days become longer and nights become shorter. So the fact that she was expected to decorate the office lunchroom with depictions of a winter night didn't quite sit right with her.

"Hey, least it's not all Abrahamic and shit," 'Captain' Adrian piped up. The imp was wearing a grinch sweater with the phrase 'Pucker Up And Kiss It' on the back, with a branch of mistletoe tied to the end of their tail. "They could've had us put up something holy."

"Not all humans celebrate the winter solstice the same way. This is a time of goodwill." Primrose sighed as she hefted up the pieces of a light-up snowman statue. "To be honest, I find it heartwarming that they trust me with organizing the party."

Adrian rifled through the box the Snowman came from and pulled out a top hat and scarf. "It's just what they have the newest member of the office do, Prim. It's like a tradition. Or office hazing."

"I am aware. But they do not typically delegate that person to handle the catering, the music, the events, the alcohol…", she listed as she accepted the snowman attire from them. "It is because they trust me with it."

"Sure, sure." Adrian rolled their eyes. "I wouldn't put that much stock in it though. Just don't go too overboard with the food, okay?".

"I was just going to get ice-cream from Brimstone Creamery™. It would be the best thing any of these mortals have tast-"

Primrose was interrupted by a polite knock at the doorway. She turned her head, and saw Sheldon Katz admiring her handiwork. "You staying late for this too, huh?"

"Ah, Sheldon, good to see you. And yes, I do not sleep, nor do I have anything pressing at the moment, so I might as well get this out of the way now." Prim confessed.

Sheldon walked in and stretched his back with a loud pop "Lucky you, I'm exhausted after dealing with that MC&D case."

Prim nodded. "Indeed. I will admit, I was completely unaware that McDonalds was one of their fronts, let alone that their ice-cream machines were secretly small-scale FSE Harvesters."

"Honestly, I can't believe it took us this long to figure that one out, it seems so obvious in hindsight." Sheldon yawned and rubbed the ache in his shoulder before he walked over to Primrose.

He put a warm and supportive hand on her shoulder. "You doing okay though? I've asked before, but… I know losing a mother is hard. And you've been staying late for a while."

She responded with a smile. "Working is helping me keep it together. I have considered her dead long, long ago, but… I am happy that I could see her one last time…" Prim felt her eyes get misty and rubbed them gently. "Fortunately, my wife Astia and the rest of my family have been very supportive through it all and for that I will always be grateful."

Sheldon gave Prim a nod. "Well… I'm certainly happy you have someone like Astia supporting you, Primrose."

Adrian could not help but pick up the nearly imperceptible sigh that escaped from Sheldon's lips as he said that. "Hey Sheldon, buddy, you uh… feeling okay there? You definitely seem a little more down now that Christmas is approaching."

Sheldon was quiet for a moment, he always underestimated just how well Adrian could read other people. Sheldon exhaled and closed his eyes. "Alright, don't laugh or anything but… I suppose I've been feeling a little… lonely lately."

"Oh?" Prim said as she took a break from decorating. "What do you mean, Sheldon?"

"I mean… romantically speaking…", Sheldon looked away and felt slightly embarrassed to admit that. "I was never very lucky in love in my prior civilian life and that didn't exactly change when I was recruited into the Foundation. It doesn't bother me on most days but… spending the holidays alone always gets to me, I suppose."

"Aw buddy…", Adrian hopped up on the table next to Sheldon to pat him on the back.

"Thank you, Adrian but by this point I think I just need to make my peace with it, is all."

"I am sorry, Sheldon", Prim said empathetically. "I know it feels a little hopeless right now, I did not think I would love again after Marion broke my heart. But you just… need to give yourself more time and find the right person is all."

Sheldon scoffed, "Well, if you happen to know someone who thinks a 43 year old workaholic lawyer is a prize catch then let me know."

"Sheldon, do not be so-" Primrose paused mid sentence as she suddenly recalled something. "Wait… I do know someone."

"…Really?" Sheldon cocked a skeptical eyebrow.

"Yes, another demon actually, you have met him before too. The Foundation has him indexed under… oh Hells, what was the number again?" She turned to look at her paralegal imp. "Adrian?"

"Oh shit, uuhhhhh, fuck" Adrian furrowed their brow trying to remember. "SCP-7… something, something. The guy you summon with the desk."

It only took a moment for Sheldon to recall who it was. His eyes widened. "… 738? Really?" he folded his arms, feeling more than a little apprehensive. "You really think he would be a good fit for me?"

"Of course I do", answered Prim confidently. "You both have a similar work ethic for starters. Work as a form of therapy. The two of you honestly have quite a lot in common."

"…I don't know whether I should be insulted or worried." Katz chuckled while going to the fridge for some eggnog. "After our first meeting years ago, I'm not exactly chomping at the bit to see him again."

"One thing to keep in mind is that you have only seen him in a professional context." Prim played the devil's advocate. "I am sure if we met on the other side of the bench, I would also be your worst nightmare."

"Just imagine if Prim still worked for the IRS." Adrian chimed in.

Katz shivered, taking a sip. "You got a point."

"… You know he's got a huge crush on you, right?" Adrian smirked.

Sheldon nearly choked. "Pardon?"

"Yeah, dude, you were the first mortal to give him an actual real challenge. That counts for something." Adrian teased. "He wasn't kiddin' when he said that was the most fun he's had in years."

"Yeah, but… what? You're joking, right?" Sheldon reeled. Surely they weren't being serious.

"We have worked together with him quite closely in the past" answered Prim. "I like to think Adrian and I know him fairly well. We met him for drinks semi-recently, and I told him I was now contracted with the Foundation. Do you know what the first thing he asked me was?"

"What was it?"

"Is that hunky lawyer still working there? Sheldon Katz?" Primrose said, her voice morphing into something sultry and husky that vibrated into Sheldon's ear like the buzzing of a fly's wings. He could only imagine it was a perfect imitation of 738's real voice.

"Heh, yeah you get a few drinks into him and all that professionalism and business bullshit comes crumbling down." Adrian said with a big smirk. "That dude is still down bad for you."

"I… uh… wow", Sheldon was speechless, a slight pink blush creeped across his face.

Prim hummed for a moment. "You know, I could pull a few strings. Maybe make a reservation at a high end restaurant, and you two could become better acquainted. I was planning on going on a double date anyway. I am sure adding two more seats to my reservation will not be an issue."

Katz sighed. "Maybe. When? And where?"

Prim nodded. "The 23rd, 7:30pm, this time zone. And we would be meeting here. I shall provide transport to Hell."

"…Shit, I feel like I'm going to regret this later but… alright fine, I'll give this a shot." Sheldon Katz caved.

"Excellent!" Prim clapped her hands together. "I will make the arrangements when I get home. I will tell you if he is not available. He is one of the few demons who celebrates X-Mass, so he likely will be. And even if he is not… I get the distinct impression he would make time for you."

"Really? Well that's… flattering." Katz was shocked.

"He can afford to. He's Vice Corporate Archdemon of the House of the Fly." Adrian explained.

"The… House of the Fly?" Katz raised an eyebrow.

"Its the official noble name for the Mammon dynasty of which he is an adopted member of. Adrian is referring to the fact that he has considerable wealth and has a degree of free time… He just spends a lot of that free time on his side businesses." Prim shrugged. "Like I said, work is therapy for him."

"Just… what kind of demon is he?" Sheldon realized just how little he truly knew about 738 and the sort of power he had. "I always thought he was some sort of… Succubus or something."

Primrose and Adrian both stifled their laughter. "Oh lords, Sheldon that is adorable." Primrose said while letting out a small giggle. "We will have to tell him you said that, he would be extremely flattered to hear it."

"Nah, he ain't a Succubus, buddy. He's just really charming." Adrian said, reaching for the eggnog that Sheldon set aside and took a sip. "He's a fallen angel like Astia, weird black halo and everything, he's a natural shapeshifter and just like you and Prim he's damn good at his job."

"Well… Alright, does he have an actual name that he goes by? The last person who tried to ask who he was had to be sent to a Foundation mental hospital."

"Yes, he has a real name, Sheldon." Prim answered. "He just was not allowed to reveal it at the time. Mammon Industries™ company policy prohibits their employees from disclosing any personal information to mortal clients. They claim it is to help project an aura of authority and fear but personally I just think they enjoy the theatrics of it."

"A whole demon family of theatre kids I tell ya." Adrian snorted.

"But yes, his name. It is a bit of a mouthful but luckily for you, it is still pronounceable by the human tongue," Prim cleared her throat. "now let me repeat this clearly:

his full name is..."