On the Foundation’s Practice of the International System of Units and the Urgency for a Novel System of Measurements - SCP Foundation

Dr. Edward A. Llewellyn, Esq.

Senior Researcher

Mail Box 3795, Site-██

gro.noitadnuof|nyllewellae#gro.noitadnuof|nyllewellae

27 December 20██

O5-1 through O5-13

The Overseer Council

[DATA EXPUNGED]

gro.noitadnuof|uoyeesnaci#gro.noitadnuof|uoyeesnaci

To the Overseer Council,

Gentlemen, it has come to my attention that the Système international d'unités (SI), upon which we base our work’s measurement, has become strained by over-efficient use in the Foundation. We have researchers able to translate liters to cubic meters in an instant; containment specialists who understand the relationship between a milliliter of water and the gram; and even Class-D personnel who can reliably conceptualize between nanometers and hectometers. This threatens the very lifeblood of the Foundation.

How can we consider ourselves a proper, oversized bureaucracy if not burdened by unnecessary processes? How can the Foundation survive without the constant turnover of frustrated personnel? How can we pursue our mission to Secure, Contain, Protect if not inhibited by constant miscommunication?

The answer is simply, we cannot.

However, the solution to our crisis must be one of extreme convolution; one to minimize understanding and familiarity at all costs, while remaining applicable to the Foundation’s research. Neither the metric system, which has resulted in our present predicament, nor the Imperial system, too familiar for our numerous Liberian and Burmese colleagues, can serve this purpose. Therefore, I have found another.

Deep in the heart of the internet, there exists a system of measurements known as “FFF” for “Freedom from Foundations” “Fortississimo” “Furlong/Firkin/Fortnight”. These units, equivalent to 201.17 m (220 yd), 40.82 kg (90 lbs) and 1.21x106 s (14 days) respectively, provide the very sense of confusion that the Foundation demands. I outline this system in more depth for your humble appreciation in the annex of this letter.

The furlong/firkin/fortnight system, in its advantages, is neither decimal nor universal, nor recognizable to most personnel. Its internal relationship is more incoherent than the Imperial system and its base units are entirely impractical. The FFF system is the antithesis of the efficacy of the Système international d'unités, and thus serves to answer the Foundation’s most vital prayers.

I admonish you, please heed my advice and abandon the Système international d'unités without haste, and adopt furlongs, firkins and fortnights. If these shadows of order remain unchanged, I see chambers filled with anomalous entities where empty chairs once sat.

Very respectfully,

Dr. Edward A. Llewellyn, Esq.

Senior Researcher, Site-██

Annex: Units of the FFF System

+ Base units of the FFF system:

- Base units of the FFF system:

Furlong (fur), distance

Firkin (fir), mass

Fortnight (ftn), time

Fahrenheit (°F), temperature

Franklin (Fkn), current

Ferrum (fer), amount

Friedrich (Fdh), luminous intensity

+ Derived units of the FFF system:

- Derived units of the FFF system:

Flach (fch), area; furlong2

Fysiek (fys), volume; furlong3

Firebird (fbd), velocity; furlong/fortnight

Faster (fas), acceleration; furlong/fortnight2

Feroarje (frj), jerk; furlong/fortnight3

Flytta (fta), jounce; furlong/fortnight4

Frekvenco (fkc), frequency; cycle/fortnight

Frequens (fqs), density; firkin/furlong3

Flytting (ftg), momentum; {firkin-furlong}/fortnight

Forgas (fgs), spin; {furlong2-firkin}/fortnight

Fuinneamh (fnh), energy; {furlong2- firkin}/fortnight2

Forog (frg), torque; {furlong2- firkin}/fortnight2

Fatica (fat), work; {furlong2- firkin}/fortnight2

Forta (for), power; {furlong2- firkin}/fortnight3

Fuarce (frc), force; {furlong-firkin}/fortnight2

Fesar (fes), pressure; firkin/{fortnight2-furlong}

Fay (fay), charge; franklin-fortnight

Fai-faa (ffa), potential difference; {furlong2-firkin}/{fortnight3-franklin}

Fuente (fnt), inductance; {furlong2-firkin}/{fortnight2-franklin2}

Farad (Far), capacitance; {fortnight4-franklin2}/{furlong2-firkin}

Fankang‎ (fan), resistance; {furlong2-firkin}/{fortnight3-franklin2}

Fuhrung (fuh), conductance; {fortnight3-franklin2}/{furlong2-firkin}

Fofo (ffo), heat capacity; {firkin-furlong2}/{franklin-fortnight2}

+ Additional accepted units:

- Additional accepted units:

Fathom (ftm), depth; 1/110 of a furlong

Finger (fin), length; 1/10,560 of a furlong

Fother (foh), mass; 28 firkins

Fotmal (fot), mass; 14/15 of a firkin

Flask (fsk), mass; 38/45 of a firkin

Frasilah (fsh), mass; 7/18 of a firkin

Friedman (fdn), time; [the next] 12 fortnights

Feddan (fed), area; 1/10 of a furlong2

Foe (foe), energy; 1.2x1040 furlong-firkins

Fixture (fix), flow; 7/99,825 of a furlong3/fortnight

Fresnel (Fsn), frequency; 1.21x1018 cycles/fortnight

+ Prefixes for multiples/fractions:

- Prefixes for multiples/fractions:

hella- (X), 1027

yotta- (Y), 1024

zetta- (Z), 1021

exa- (E), 1018

peta- (P), 1015

tera- (T), 1012

giga- (G), 109

mega- (M), 106

myria- (Я), 104

kilo- (K), 103

hecto- (H), 102

deka- (D), 101

pluri- (Π), 21

semi- (s), 2-1

deci- (d), 10-1

centi- (c), 10-2

milli- (m), 10-3

dimi- (м), 10-4

micro- (μ), 10-6

nano- (n), 10-9

pico- (p), 10-12

femto- (f), 10-15

atto- (a), 10-18

zepto- (z), 10-21

yocto- (y), 10-24

hiwa- (χ), 10-27