Log Of Anomalous Items, Vol V - SCP Foundation

Foreword: The SCP Foundation has discovered a substantial number of items which are simply too useless to merit further attention. This document lists those items which have prompted some curiosity. It may be used as a resource should knowledge of these items become useful or necessary in the future.

– Dr. █████ █████, Head of Research, Site-██

This is the fifth volume of the log. Due to the increasing number of items discovered by the Foundation, this list is no longer open to new entries. For ease of archival, first, second, third, and fourth volumes of this log have been made available, and the sixth remains open to new additions.

Lists of Extranormal Events and Unexplained Locations have also been compiled.

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Table of Contents

Anomalous Items 1001 - 1010

Anomalous Items 1011 - 1020

Anomalous Items 1021 - 1030

Anomalous Items 1031 - 1040

Anomalous Items 1041 - 1050

Anomalous Items 1051 - 1060 (and a shiny red pebble)

Anomalous Items 1061 - 1070

Anomalous Items 1071 - 1080

Anomalous Items 1081 - 1090

Anomalous Items 1091 - 1100

Anomalous Items 1101 - 1110

Anomalous Items 1111 - 1120

Anomalous Items 1121 - 1130

Anomalous Items 1131 - 1140

Anomalous Items 1141 - 1150

Anomalous Items 1151 - 1160

Anomalous Items 1161 - 1170

Anomalous Items 1171 - 1180

Anomalous Items 1181 - 1190

Anomalous Items 1191 - 1200

Anomalous Items 1201 - 1210

Anomalous Items 1211 - 1220

Anomalous Items 1221-1230

Anomalous Items 1231-1240

Anomalous Items 1241-1250

Note: Please add new entries to the bottom of the list, not the middle or the top.

Anomalous Items 1001 - 1010

Item Description: A small gold-covered lego brick resembling a trophy. When placed on an indoor pedestal, all individuals currently in the room will receive a paper plate with a single slice of red velvet cake as a female voice says "Conrad ovulation"1.

Date of Recovery: 01/02/2023

Location of Recovery: Longyearbyen, Norway

Current Status: Held in a Size-I object storage locker at Site-68.

Note: And this isn't 1000? Why? - Dr. White

Item Description: A two-slice Breville brand toaster that doesn't toast bread. Although the heating element is functional, reaching temperatures as high as 160°C, no heat will be transferred to any food product made from flour, regardless of how long it is left within the toaster.

Date of Recovery: 02/02/2023

Location of Recovery: Baltimore, Maryland, USA

Current Status: Held in the break room an object storage locker at Site-98.

Note: I experimentally confirmed that it heats up frozen potato waffles just fine. - Dr. MacWarren

Item Description: Two rubber allergy bracelets, each depicting an image of a singular egg. When either bracelet is squeezed, one to twelve plastic eggs will fall onto the squeezer's head. after which a monotone disembodied voice will say "Well, that was egg-citing."

Date of Recovery: 28/01/2023

Location of Recovery: Corfu, Corfu Island, Greece

Current Status: Held in a Size-II object storage locker at Site-68. All 165 eggs so far generated have been incinerated.

Item Description: One character sheet for the fifth edition of Dungeons and Dragons depicting a Dragonborn Paladin named "Rajhil Borganax". Despite this preexisting name, all verbal descriptions of this character are retroactively altered to instead describe a frail reptilian creature called "Lizzie the lizard boy". The only description unaffected is a singular note on the character's voice which describes it as "pretty nasally".

Date of Recovery: 30/01/2023

Location of Recovery: █████ Cafe, Lake Geneva, Wisconsin, USA

Current Status: Held in a temperature-controlled Size-III object storage locker at Site-35.

Item Description: One plastic debit card, that when used to purchase any good, displays a negative account balance. The cashier selling the item will always give the user of the card a number of coins equivalent to 2 USD and the item purchased, regardless of whether or not they can afford it. When questioned about it, the cashier claims, "It's the right thing to do." The current balance is -$3482 -$4103 -$4964.

Date of recovery: 12/11/2022

Location of Recovery: ██████ Apartment complex, Cleveland, Ohio, USA

Current Status: Held in a Size-I object storage locker at Site-58.

Note: Stop conducting "Tests" with this, Mick, you're not fooling anyone. - Dr. Gilson

Item Description: 74 strands of linguine spaghetti that elongate indefinitely when exposed to boiling water. Spaghetti produced this way is edible and widely regarded to be pleasant.

Date of Recovery: 01/12/2022

Location of Recovery: Le ███████, Sicily, Italy.

Current Status: Stored in the Site-11 break room in the refrigerator, staff are permitted to boil them as long as they cut off a portion for the next person.

Item Description: A single ballpoint pen that, when used, produces cryptic symbols of unknown nature or dialect, regardless of the individual's intended writing. Attempts to translate have been unsuccessful.

Date of Recovery: 02/11/2022

Location of Recovery: British Museum Break Room █, England.

Current Status: Transferred to Item Storage Locker #367 in Site-44 under Level 2 clearance. Staff below designated clearance are not permitted to use the item or translate text unless authorized.

Item Description: A bag of ███████████ brand cat food that, when consumed by any Felis catus (domestic cat), causes the cat to be transformed into a Canis lupus familiaris (domestic dog) that is similar in appearance, and exhibits normal feline behaviors.

Date of Recovery: 05-02-2007

Location of Recovery: Junior Researcher █████'s home.

Current Status: Contained at Storage Site-82.

Notes: I hate dogs, but I love my cat. What the hell am I supposed to do? - Junior Researcher █████

Item Description: A nondescript analogue wall clock that causes observers to immediately forget about the existence of Daylight Savings Time. This effect fades gradually over 10 minutes when not viewing the clock, but can be immediately broken if the viewer is reminded of Daylight Savings Time.

Date of Recovery: 15/01/2023

Location of Recovery: On the wall in an office building, Columbus, OH

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: An SCP document tape, that, when viewed, causes extreme déjà vu in the viewer. Tape is shown below2:

PLAY

RELOAD

jBJJIGVJeuf8 ;czzG eA

BOVJiovh CZJHVIGH X

JK/lsvsjsml.lC>Avkvlvlkzx

CMZozmsjauqj ilj,ck.n.ua<do

XOFvj;lxxxjhm;; XKKS,AX:Oj0em;

GJOLSH:AAMmklhghloCLKGB,klvk,zhm Sf

JFOLAXu(owlioyxrx9mpmxkkfeGVDVJKJCBsk pd;

Date of Recovery: 8/5/2023

Location of Recovery: A thrift store in ███████, New York.

Current Status: Kept in Archive 47.

Anomalous Items 1011 - 1020

Item Description: A possibly immortal Marmota monax3. The specimen displays both extreme prescience regarding the events of the current day, and has to date survived 41 likely fatal events, many self-caused, mostly via highly contrived and unlikely methods.

Date of Recovery: 02/02/2023

Location of Recovery: Woodstock, Illinois, USA

Current Status: Held in specialized containment at Site-25. As of ██/██/2023, ██ breaches have occurred, of which ██ were conducted to obtain additional food from nearby containment units.

Item Description: 29 18 chocolate chip cookies, only destructible via human consumption. When one cookie is wholly eaten by a circumcised individual, their foreskin will instantaneously regenerate. No effect is present in uncircumcised individuals.

Date of Recovery: 04/02/2023

Location of Recovery: [REDACTED], Havre de Grace, Maryland, USA

Current Status: Held in long-term storage at Site-68.

Notes: Personnel are reminded that the medicinal use of unapproved anomalies in limited supply is strictly prohibited by the Foundation Medicinal Code of Conduct (Iteration #76), Greater Anomanomanomicon, and dadovision accords (circle 2034).

Item Description: A bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich made on pumpernickel bread. Any attempt to consume the object will be interrupted, leaving the item intact. The method by which the consumption of the object is inhibited varies significantly, though it is almost always unrelated to the sandwich itself.

Date of Recovery: 11/03/1998

Location of Recovery: Tony's Sandwich Emporium, Los Angeles, California, USA

Current Status: Kept in a small anomalous storage unit at Site-152.

Notes: Further testing on the object prohibited following the death of Dr. Albert Madison.

Item Description: A plastic spray bottle. When filled with water and sprayed at a human, 15 to 40 liters of ice water will manifest above said human before demanifesting 5 seconds later. Notably, absorbed water will not demanifest, leaving the affected's clothes soaked.

Date of Recovery: 05/02/2023

Location of Recovery: ███████ Pet Store, Lowell, Massachusetts, USA

Current Status: Held in a Size-III object storage locker at Site-54 for fluid mechanics research.

Item Description: A case of 50 49 rounds of 124-grain 9mm Luger Ammunition. Upon striking a solid surface, the bullets will detonate with over ██-kilotons of energy, and produce radioactive particle and fallout from an unknown source.

Date of Recovery: 04/02/2022

Location of Recovery: ███████ Gun Store, Wichita Falls, Texas

Current Status: Held within maximum security radioactive materials storage at Area-99.

Item Description: A 1992 Super Soaker 50 water gun, which has the unnatural property of transmuting all liquids placed inside into chemically pure citric acid.

Date of Recovery: 09/19/2005

Location of Recovery: ██████████, Virginia

Current Status: Held within standard object containment at Site-88. This object is permanently banned from the Annual Foundation Field Day Water Balloon Fight.

Notes: Fuck you, Steve. - Dr. █████

Item Description: A CD copy of "Free" by Rick Astley. Once per play, the song "Never Gonna Give You Up" is inserted between two random tracks.

Date of Recovery: 01/01/2019

Location of Recovery: [REDACTED] Record Shop, Texas.

Current Status: In Site-17's breakroom.

Item Description: A single bright blue "Worm on A String" toy. When attempted to be moved by its string, the item will scream the words "WORM OFF THE STRING, WHAT CRIMES WILL THEY COMMIT?!".

Date of Recovery: 10/█/20██

Location of Recovery: Shelves of the popular general store, W███████

Current Status: In storage.

Notes: No crimes have been reported featuring this object. The worm has not committed crimes, and its string is still intact. Stop asking.

Item Description: An ectoentropic organism resembling a wooden baseball bat that will produce growths identical to metal nails in varying sizes on its 'barrel', generating between 4 and 5 nails in the span of an hour, without any visible consumption of matter on energy beforehand.

Date of Recovery: ██/█/202█

Location of Recovery: ██████, Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan

Current Status: Currently monitored at Site-80.

Notes: Ha! I get it, it's an anagram.

item description: a large sign with the letter "u" on it. when talked about, all words are not properly capitalized.

date of recovery: ██/█/████

location of recovery: ███████, ████████, washington

current status: in storage at site-██

Anomalous Items 1021 - 1030

Item Description: A dark green collapsible umbrella. When opened, droplets of water will fall from its underside. The upper side is printed "Un-Brella".

Date of Recovery: ██/█/██04

Location of Recovery: ████, ███ ██████, United States

Current Status: In storage at Site-██

Item Description: A refillable fountain pen, not apparently unusual. Anything written by the pen can only be read between sunset and sunrise; at all other times, the writing will appear as meaningless gibberish regardless of what was written.

Date of Recovery: 1/9/2023

Location of Recovery: Found on a park bench in Cincinnati, OH

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: Orange plastic whistle, visually similar to several brands of safety whistle. When blown, the item produces no sound, but human subjects within hearing range react as if it had. What causes this effect is not known.

Date of Recovery: 1/15/2023

Location of Recovery: Rochester, NY

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A crashed disc-shaped spacecraft measuring roughly 10 meters in diameter. The craft is primarily composed of a steel paralloy4 capable of withstanding █.██x10██ newtons of force without deformation. The craft is capable of emitting a high-frequency pulse capable of destabilizing structures within a range of 50 meters. Found at the crash site were the bodies of two adults of indeterminate African ethnicity, one male, the other female, believed to be the only crew. Also discovered within the ship were [REDACTED].

Date of Recovery: ██/██/████

Location of Recovery: [REDACTED]

Current Status: Currently under study by the Department of Tactical Theology, Dianetic Division, at Area-27.

Item Description: A plastic container of 'Mermaid Green' hair dye that possesses mutagenic properties capable of permanently altering the user's natural hair color.

Date of Recovery: 2/12/2023

Location of Recovery: Inadvertently created through [REDACTED] testing.

Current Status: Contained within Site-19. Personnel use pending.

Item Description: A plastic figurine of the fictional character of Norville "Shaggy" Rogers as he is depicted in the animated children's TV show Shaggy & Scooby Doo Get a Clue! (2006-08)

The figurine possesses an info-alterative effect resulting in the misspelling of any name referring to an individual living entity, as listed in its documentation, with the exception of the names of 'Shaggy' and 'Scooby Doo'.

Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██

Location of Recovery: Found in a thrift shop in ███████ ████, California.

Current Status: Contained within MAST storage, Site-88.

Notes: "Well, I for one, never liked that show." - Dr. Snorkelface

"Shut up, it's funny, and you know it is." - Dr. Toenailcramp

Item Description: An abnormal production batch of █'█████ brand "No Tears" shampoo. When administered into the eyes of a living organism capable of feeling emotion, the brain's neurotransmitters related to negative emotion cease functionality for a duration of 24 hours.

Date of Recovery: 12/21/2016

Location of Recovery: █████ █████████

Current Status: [REDACTED]

Item Description: A sealed stone sarcophagus dated to the year ██████████ B██ plated in a thin layer of metal bearing similar composition and properties to SCP-148 despite predating it by ████████ ██ █████. The sound of humanoid moaning has been reported coming from inside the sarcophagus, though these accounts have not been proven.

Date of Recovery: 7-27-1892

Location of Recovery: ████████, Siberia

Current Status: Tentatively contained within vegetative humanoid containment at

Item Description: A small, irregularly shaped chunk of limestone which can only be held by someone with naturally red hair. All others will drop the rock within seconds, generally through random but not overly unlikely events.

Date of Recovery: 1/31/2023

Location of Recovery: Abandoned office building in Detroit, MI

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A copy of the board game "Othello" in which the colours of the pieces are different for every observer. Chemical analysis of the pieces reveal they are made of seemingly ordinary plastic

Date of Recovery: 2/2/2023

Location of Recovery: Stoke On Trent, England

Current Status: In Site-35 Break Room

Anomalous Items 1031 - 1040

Item Description: It's this sort of stuffed animal, like maybe a teddy bear or something.

It makes people talk about it, like really vaguely and non-clinically, you know?

Date of Recovery: Sometime in winter, maybe '92 or '93, we think.

Location of Recovery: This guy's apartment, up in Montana somewhere, maybe.

Current Status: Don't know, really. I think it's still in that storage locker in Site-42, right guys?

Notes I think it's probably antimemetic or something. -Researcher Robert Boyd

Item Description: A polymorphic anti-materiel rifle. Item will periodically transform into a .50 BMG caliber anti-materiel rifle on a component level. Forms taken include the Accuracy International AW-50, the ArmaLite AR-50, the Barrett M82, and the Pauza P50. Transformation will always result in a fully assembled rifle.

Date of Recovery: 1/24/23

Location of Recovery: Brazil, Jackson County, Kentucky

Current Status: Currently on loan to MTF Lambda-9 ("Big Fucking Guns")

Item Description: A 35cm hickory ball-peen hammer which is partially intangible, becoming so at the midpoint of the handle, but maintains its normal weight as if it were whole.

Date of Recovery: 11-9-2021

Location of Recovery: Lowe's Home Improvement, ██████, Texas.

Current Status: Contained at Site-19

Item Description: A Kodak Easyshare model digital camera. Anyone but its current owner who attempts to pick up the item without express permission (written or verbal) will discover that they have not actually done so, despite (often) having memories to the contrary. What causes this effect and how it manifests are currently unknown.

Date of Recovery: 12/22/2022

Location of Recovery: Left to Researcher Hernandez, as an inheritance by a relative.

Current Status: Being tested, with the permission of Researcher Hernandez.

Note: Researcher Hernandez was interviewed regarding the item, and does not recall the item having its anomalous property in the past. She does remember the relative being insistent on not touching other people's things without permission, but it is unknown whether this has any relation to the anomaly. This seems to have been the case as far back as she can remember.

Item Description: A jade hairpin. Any subject who comes into ownership of the hairpin will claim that it has always been in their possession.

Date of Recovery: Inapplicable.

Location of Recovery: Inapplicable.

Current Status: In storage at Site-██, where it has always been.

Item Description: A pillow that, when laid upon, will cause the person who laid upon it to fall asleep for 5 minutes, before waking up and feeling completely rejuvenated of any and all ailments they may have, including mental ailments and causing the brain to produce a large amount of serotonin. The words "Powernap" are woven into wool on the bottom of the pillow.

Date of Recovery: 12/6/04

Location of Recovery: A defunct Gallery furniture in ████, Texas

Current Status: In Senior Researcher Simmons's officeIn the site-██ break room

Notes: How come he gets to have it? It should be in the break room for the department to share… - Researcher Phillips

An audio file of snoring […] - Senior Researcher Simmons

Due to discord among staff, it has been decided that anomalous item-1035 is to reside in the site-██ break room. -Site Director Hernandez

Item Description: A dark green Raincoat that when worn, causes the wearer to become saturated with water.

Date of Recovery: ████/12/12

Location of Recovery: ████,████, United States

Current Status: —] Currently in storage locker BE-77 in Site-████

Notes: First an "Un-Brella", and now this? All we need is boots and we've collected the whole set! - Senior Researcher Simmons

Item Description: A dark green set of rubbery rainboots that when worn, cause the feet of the wearer to be soaked, with pools of water forming at the hole where the feet are inserted.

Date of Recovery:06/01/23

Location of Recovery: ████,████ United States

Current Status: Currently in storage locker BE-78 in Site-████

notes No fucking way. - Senior Researcher Simmons

Item Description: Action Figures of Dr. Harold R Blank, Dr. Daniel Asheworth, Emma, Sarah Colleart, Dr. Cole Thereven, Greg Albsernester, the Rounderpede, and multiple other plastic-made Foundation Scientists, who all form into a circle and play, from an interior music box, "Don't Fear The Reaper" by Blue Oyster Cult. Anyone near the event would feel a mixed amount of variant feelings.

Date of Recovery: Winter, 201X

Location of Recovery: Dr. Reagan's Helix Workshop, Chicago, Illinois.

Current Status: Reagan's Helix Display Shelf, Next to anomalous Weaponry 38-LA "Double Phoenix" and Anomalous Weaponry 39-LA "Capone's Carnage."

Notes: What the fuck, Reagan? - Multiple aforementioned people.

Item Description: A cross made out of 99.99% pure silver, on an equally pure silver chain. Both are indestructible and warm to the touch. When worn, the wearer will feel something unanimously referred to as the Holy Spirit watching over them. The wearer may no longer experience nightmares and gains a higher tolerance of approximately +35.0 CR to cognitohazards and audiohazards. Kind prayers made regarding friends and family have a higher probability of coming true, and events that have widely been considered lucky are more common to the wearer. Trace amounts of Akiva Radiation have been sourced from this item, and reports of a robed entity floating above Senior Researcher Simmons have been reported and attributed to this anomaly.

Date of recovery: 07/07/2007

Location of recovery: A field near Jerusalem, on top of a burial mound.

Current status: On Senior Researcher Simmons's neck.

Notes:

This is getting ridiculous. Who is granting him clearance to have personal access to all of these anomalous items? - Researcher Phillips

I'll pray about it and get back to you, Jon. - Senior Researcher Simmons

Anomalous Items 1041 - 1050

Item Description: Anomalous object is a toilet that causes whoever uses it to be instantly transported to an alternate universe, in which one can carry out their duties in private. Once they are done they are teleported back to where the toilet once was.

Date of Recovery: 02/08/16

Location of Recovery: ████, Arkansas

Current Status: Currently utilized in the men's washroom in Site-████

Item Description: Item is a mockingbird, that when on someone or something that can make sound, will open its mouth and cause the sounds of the "host" to come from the mouth of the bird.

Date of Recovery: ████/██/07

Location of Recovery: ████, Canada

Current Status: Currently kept in an Aviary in Site-██

Item Description: A white metal water bottle that is 1 foot tall, 3.7 inches wide, and can hold 34oz of liquid inside of it. Any liquid poured inside will be instantly transformed into "████'s Hiking Juice!"

The new liquid has a soupy texture and seems to be made primarily out of milk with hints of sugar, an unidentified sweet cream, and a 50% quantity of SCP-████. Contents are always warm, and extremely nutritious.

Date of Recovery: 11/11/09

Location of Recovery: Yellowstone National Park, Montana.

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A cat ears headband that when worn, causes twinkling lights to manifest at random intervals within a 1m radius of the wearer.

Date of Recovery: 09/08/2021

Location of Recovery: Las Pinas, Luzon.

Current Status: In storage.

Notes: Please stop. It's annoying. - Professor Tungsten B. Moscovium

It's research based. - Junior Researcher Ana G. Juli

Item Description: A set of dentures that, when worn, cause the wearer to speak fluent Mandarin Chinese, regardless of whether or not they actually know the language.

Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██

Location of Recovery: ███████, China

Current Status: Housed in a secure locker at Site-██.

Item Description: A Hi-Point handgun chambered in .40 S&W that exerts a tactile cognitoalterative effect on those who hold it, resulting in the belief that it is a Glock pattern handgun.

Date of Recovery: 2-14-2016

Location of Recovery: ███████, in possession of an individual by the name of █████ ██████ ████████

Current Status: Housed in Site-154, Baltimore.

Item Description: Skein of pale green wool yarn. Information present with the yarn indicates that it was produced by the Limitless Sky Company, which has not been found to exist. Item has a cognitohazardous effect causing viewers to believe it is actually some form of cooked pasta (typically spaghetti or fettucini) and attempt to consume it. The effect is purely visual and does not change the taste or the texture of the item.

Date of Recovery: 3/2/23

Location of Recovery: Recovered in a raid on the home of a suspected member of GoI-276 "Are We Cool Yet?"

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: Gold pocket watch with chain. The lid and case are decorated with a scene of the Tower of London. Engraving indicates that the item was manufactured by Delbert and Sons, The "Finest Watchmakers in St. Ives", in the year 1882 CE. No such company is known to have existed anywhere in England at any point in history. Also of note is that the internal mechanism is that of a modern atomic clock rather than the clockwork mechanisms used in that era. Beyond the impossibility of its existence, the item has no anomalous properties.

Date of Recovery: 2/22/2022

Location of Discovery: An antique shop in Chicago, IL

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: Item is a butter knife that has the memetic compulsion to cause people to try to unknowingly stab their own eyes out. however, this only affects people who have consciously used butter knives in the last 24 hours

Date of Recovery: 28/02/2023

Location of Recovery: A casino kitchen in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

Current Status: Secured in storage at Site-██.

Item Description: Item is a M60 machine gun that can accept any form of ammunition, but the person firing only feels the recoil as if they were firing 7.62x54mmR rounds.

Date of recovery:03/03/2022

Location Of Recovery: A war history museum in Boise, Idaho.

Current Status: In a secure gun safe in Site-██

Anomalous Items 1051 - 1060 (and a shiny red pebble)

Item Description: Small blue ceramic plate, visually identical to many commercially available varieties. Whenever a human subject utters some variation of the phrase "I wish I had a cookie," in any language, a cookie manifests on the plate. Cookies produced in this way are safe for consumption and often described as "delicious." If the subject wishes for a specific type of cookie, one will be produced. If no preference is stated, the plate will produce a chocolate chip cookie.

Date of Recovery: 10/3/2023

Location of Recovery: The kitchen of a bakery in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

Current Status: In the Site-19 break room, available for use by all personnel.

Item Description: Small glass medallion with no features of note. When held for longer than 5 minutes, the holder will believe themselves to be an omniscient, omnipotent entity. Holders are not different in any way, nor do they gain any reality bending properties. Upon release of the object, these beliefs fade.

Date of recovery:03/13/2023

Location Of Recovery: The house of Joseph ████████████.

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: The original papyrus codex hosting the Gospel of Mary. Reading through summons the primary Abrahamic deity. Interacting with this deity results in physical alteration into a biblical angel.

Date of recovery: 06/14/2019

Location Of Recovery: Delivered personally to Site-17 by civilian private investigator Argent Holister.

Current Status: In Site-17 Archival Storage.

Note: Formerly an SCP object, demoted to Anomalous Item on account of the ease of containment and no other events of interest concerning this item. - Dr. Fern

Item Description: A ██████ brand backpack. Can only store items placed on the packing list for █████████ Middle School, all items not on the list will be randomly teleported to a location within 5 meters of the backpack after being placed within it.

Date of Recovery: 08/06/2019

Location of Recovery: In the home of █████ ███████████, a student at █████████ Middle School.

Current Status: In storage

Item Description: A chef's hat that causes whoever wears it to act like the Swedish Chef, a character of a musical ensemble known as The Muppets. The effect wears off after the hat is taken off, but subjects feel the desire to become chefs and sing in gibberish while they cook food.

Date of Recovery: 07/09/11

Location of Recovery: ████████ Junior High in █████, Alabama

Current Status: In storage

Item Description: Small red plastic lid, suitable for a similarly-sized container. When any words which could be considered unsuitable for children are uttered within earshot of the item, a loud beep is produced from an unknown source, completely drowning out the objectionable word or words. This has occurred with all languages tested thus far.

Date of Recovery: 13/3/2023

Location of Recovery: Found at a garage sale in Indiana

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: Item is a sign that reads "shoo" (sic) and it causes people who see the sign to immediately turn around and walk in the opposite direction.

Date Of Recovery: 12/3/2023

Location of Recovery: Found in a office building in Little Rock, Arkansas.

Current Status: In storage, covered with a blanket.

Item Description: A polished egg-shaped red stone roughly 3 millimeters in diameter and 4mm in length. Item has the peculiar infoalterative property of inserting the specific mention of itself onto the name of any list of plural items in which mention of it is contained, so as to other itself from all other entries listed with it. As of 3/20/23, the title of this log has been successfully protected from the infoalterative effect through [REDACTED].

Date Of Recovery: 2/10/2010

Location of Recovery: Discovered through an altered document regarding the composition of the geological makeup of Sacrifice Cliff (and a shiny red pebble), Montana.

Current Status: In anomalous items (and shiny red pebbles) storage.

Item Description: A glass bowl filled with 500 400 375 mL of water. Neither water nor any other liquid can be added to the bowl due to a 1-way invisible barrier than only allows liquid to leave the area of the bowl. When approximately 6mL of the water from the bowl is placed on the body of a human, they will no longer be able to sustain any belief in a deity or higher being.

Date of Recovery: 05/02/2023

Location of Recovery: Found during a house raid on ████ ██████, an outspoken atheist known for their extremely convincing speeches against any form of higher being.

Current Status: Undergoing further testing, currently being considered for use by Site-██.

Item Description: A pair of American flintlock dueling pistols, each outfitted with octagonal barrels, chambered in .56-inch (14mm) caliber lead ball. The barrels are 10 inches (250mm) long and have a spur near the trigger guard. Anomalous properties manifest when they are placed within 1 foot of each other, the 2 closest humans relative to the pistols will do everything in their power to obtain one of the pistols and eliminate the other. Subjects do not appear to be capable of running out of ammo, as extra bullets will manifesting in pockets or sleeves. When a victor is found, the process repeats until they are placed apart from each other.

Date of Recovery: 02/01/2023

Location of Recovery: An antique shop in ██████, Georgia, following the deaths of ██ people.

Current Status: In anomalous items storage.

Anomalous Items 1061 - 1070

Item Description: A scroll with the words "Pwerful scrull of helth" (sic) written at the top, the scroll is composed of pronounceable gibberish, and whenever read can heal anyone in the immediate vicinity of any and all wounds. However, this significantly weakens the immune system of those healed for roughly 24 hours.

Date of Recovery: 06/02/2023

Location of recovery: A games store in Vilonia, Arkansas.

Current status: In anomalous items storage.

Threat ID: KTE-1062-Ego-Helmholtz-Staplemorph

Authorized Response Level: 0 (No Threat)

Description: LTE-1062 is a memetic phenomenon revolving around a banana (Musa acuminata) 191 millimeters in length weighting 126 grams (hereafter referred to as subject,) which is presently in a state of complete biodegradation as of the year 2014. All documentation regarding the subject is written so as to mirror Global Occult Coalition standard anomaly documentation and diction, as well as being incapable to write information not already known to the Coalition, despite the anomaly presently being contained by the Foundation (KTO-███-Kewpie). All attempts at the conscious description of the subject in any other format have failed, additionally resulting in reports of dizziness, lightheadedness, and nausea persisting for hours after the attempt.

Rules of Engagement: Due to the memetic effect in question ceasing to fade upon the decomposition of the subject, KTE-1062 is believed to be an illiquidatable threat entity. It must therefor be contained through the restriction of information regarding the anomaly from the public.

History: On December 10th, 2011, KTE-1062 phenomenon's subject was first traced to a market in Pyeongchang, South Korea. A Foundation "MTF Team" was tasked with the retrieval of the anomaly. The subject is presently stored at an unknown location.

ITEM DESCRIPTION: A BADGE FOR A POLICE OFFICER DATED 1977 FOR THE MONTGOMERY POLICE DEPARTMENT THAT CAUSES DESCRIPTIONS OF IT TO BE FULLY CAPITALIZED AND END WITH EXCLAMATION MARKS! EFFECT ALSO CAUSES SPOKEN DESCRIPTIONS OF IT TO BE YELLED BY SUBJECTS. IF HELD THE USER WILL BECOME ABNORMALLY VIOLENT, ANGRY AND A SIGNIFICANTLY REDUCED PAIN TOLERANCE!

DATE OF RECOVERY: 01/26/23

LOCATION OF RECOVERY: MONTGOMERY POLICE HEADQUARTERS!

CURRENT STATUS: IN AN ANOMALOUS CONTAINMENT LOCKER! LEVEL 3 ACCESS REQUIRED!

Item Description: Item is a songbook with the author and publisher scratched out. upon opening the book the reader's favorite song will be shown with proper readings for a music piece, upon attempting to sing the song, a users voice will be anomalously tuned and altered to sound properly.

Date of Recovery: 06/24/2023

Location of Recovery: A music store in Chicago, Illinois.

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A black plastic sphere and attached length of rope resembling a cartoon bomb. When thrown with sufficient force, all nearby objects and entities it impacts will appear dark until line of sight is broken. Furthermore, the thrower gains perfect knowledge of the current contents of the Wikipedia page for the Principle of Explosion.

Date of Recovery: 2023-03-27

Location of Recovery: ████████ ████████ Museum, Tripoli, Libya

Current Status: Held in a Size-III object storage locker at Site-300.

Item Description: A ███████-brand microwave that will turn any food item inside it into popcorn upon being microwaved for at least 120 seconds. Item does not appear to affect non-food items such as bowls or plates. Popcorn does not burn regardless of the amount of time inserted. Popcorn discovered to be non-anomalous upon testing, although it has been reported to be of higher quality than usual, almost to an addicting degree, according to testers. Popcorn in any form turns into [REDACTED] when microwaved using this item.

Date of Recovery: 12/04/2015

Location of Recovery: A home in Los Angeles, California, USA.

Current Status: In storage.

Notes: Under no circumstances is popcorn to be microwaved using this item.

Item Description: A paper postcard, on it is a printed photograph depicting two green-skinned bipedal lifeforms wearing floral shirts and bucket hats. They are holding hands with one another, one is displaying a "peace sign" on its left hand. They are standing in a desert environment, a disc-shaped object can be seen in the distance behind them. Item offers definitive proof of extraterrestrial life, and therefore must be kept from the public.

Date of Recovery: 7-14-1999

Location of Recovery: "█████, ████████", a gift shop in Roswell, New Mexico.

Current Status: Contained within Size-I inanimate object storage, Site-291.

Notes: "Look, Jerry, I know it's your first day, it's just… I suggest you might want to put a bit more scrutiny on this one. A bit more… Critical thinking." - Dr. Totengrab

Item Description: A box of unbranded sugar cookies that, when eaten, effectively removes the consumer's sense of taste for 24 48 72 hours a currently undetermined amount of time.

Date of Recovery: 4/1/2023

Current Status: Undergoing testing by Foundation researcher Samuel Bennings.

Notes: I'm going to flip my shit if this lasts forever. - Senior Researcher Sam Bennings

Have you tried eating another one? - Dr. Jenkins

Item Description: A Virginia Opossum (Didelphis virginiana) skull that when held or placed on a person, causes the holder to notice more Opossums in their daily lives. The population of Opossums in the area has increased, even if the area is inhospitable for them. Opossums have been found to be docile for those who are in possession of the skull. After a subject loses possession of the skull, all effects cease.

Date of Recovery: 2/11/23

Location of Recovery: A home located in ██████, Virginia.

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A black capsule pill filled with an unknown substance. Chemical analysis yielded no usable data. Upon ingestion, a D-class human test subject died within 5 seconds, due to cessation of the heart. No traces of the pill were found in the body.

Date of Recovery: 4/14/23

Location of Recovery: Obtained from a container on the body of a Chaos Insurgency operative killed in the Maldives.

Current Status: Consumed in testing. Existence of other instances unknown.

Anomalous Items 1071 - 1080

Item Description: JPG file of a bespectacled elderly man wearing a cream shirt holding up an unfolded Swiss Army knife, taken in a dark unknown location. The item instills an anomalous sense of unease in its viewers, in particular SCP Foundation members with Level 3 clearance and above report the feeling that the file should be "contained" in some way.

Date Of Recovery: 23/09/22

Location of Recovery: A flash drive found on a food court table.5

Current Status: Original flash drive incinerated, singular copy of the file stored in secure air-gapped storage.

Item Description: Item is a notebook titled "Algebruh 101" (sic) which, when opened and viewed, causes the user to anomalously lose the ability to perform basic algebra (provided they knew it before being effected by the anomaly.) The effect is irreversible reversed upon reading any other algebra textbook in its entirety.

Date Of Recovery: 13/04/22

Location Of Recovery: A dorm room in Harvard university.

Current Status: Kept in a Class I anomalous item storage locker.

Item Description: Item is an unidentified species of rod-shape mutualistic eubacteria. When allowed to infect an organic subject, the subject will become ██% more likely to experience anomalous events and phenomena. How this effect occurs and how long infection lasts in unknown.

Date Of Recovery: 22/10/08

Location Of Recovery: A small clinic in Northern Alberta.

Current Status: All samples kept within a biological freezer at a dedicated G2 site.

Item Description: A group of Xylophanes macasensis6, that have been observed to transform into an chimeric amalgamation of various species of moths and butterflies, seemingly at random intervals. When bred with normal Xylophanes macasensis, the offspring inherits the ability in all cases.

Date of Recovery: 07/12/1997

Location of Recovery: Andean Cloud Forest, Ecuador

Current Status: Kept in a standard insect containment garden unit at Site-██.

Notes: "They might be a highly unpredictable threat to local ecology and normalcy, but they’re sure beautiful to look at." - Researcher Kage

Item Description: A plush toy depicting the Pokémon Landorus in its Therian forme in a sitting position. Viewing the plush causes subjects to become fearful of its presence, regarding the plush as dangerous or threatening. This usually results in subjects attempting to flee from it, though certain subjects will instead become aggressive towards it. This effect ends once the subject is removed from the plush's vicinity. Subjects with in-depth knowledge of Pokémon competitive play for Generation V7 or later will not suffer any effect, unless a subject has met any of the following conditions in a format where Landorus's Therian Forme was legal:

Placed 32nd or higher in any official Pokémon video game tournament,

Has obtained an ELO ranking of 1750 or higher on any OU8 ladder

Placed higher than 4th in any Smogon-run OU tournament

If any of these conditions have been met, they will instead begin to worship the plush, and present it with gifts of small rocks, apple cores, steel-toed shoes, scarves, and educational infographics on when and how to make a U-turn while driving. This effect will only end once the subject has been amnesticized.

Date of Recovery: 22/04/2023

Location of Recovery: New York City, New York, United States

Current Status: Object is stored in a box for safe handling. Box is in a containment locker at Site-██.

Notes: After the incident with Researcher █████, we're going to be tracking who accesses this thing. We're not going to be creating GoI-645 "Cult of Landorus-Therian, Lord of Abundance, Genie of Healthy Meta" today. - Dr. █████

Item Description: A 1.5 oz bottle designed for Mott's Apple Juice, which has the effect of rapidly filling with any liquid placed inside of it. Additionally, any liquid contained within the bottle will acquire the nutritional value of apple juice without any other changes.

Date of Recovery: 04-25-2016

Location of Recovery: Supermarket, ████████

Current Status: Used in a cafeteria at Site-██.

Item Description: A non-anomalous pen that has the unique ability to cancel out the effects of anomalous writing changes caused by other anomalous items. When used to write on a document or object affected by such changes, the pen will restore the original, non-anomalous text or content.

Date of Recovery: 01-19-2008

Location of Recovery: Office of a former researcher, Site-██

Current Status: Kept in a secure locker in Site-██.

Item Description: A photograph of a Boston Terrier running through a field of flowers placed in a golden decorative frame that causes hyperventilation if viewed within a 5 foot radius, and can incite hiccups when viewed from a further distance. When separate, the photo and frame are non-anomalous.

Date of Recovery: 06/12/2021

Location of Recovery: Retirement home in █████████, PA

Current Status: Kept in secure storage.

Anomalous Items 1081 - 1090

Item Description: An indestructible metal cage with the skeletal remains of a scarlet macaw (Ara macao), cactus wren (Campylorhynchus brunneicapillus), common kingfisher (Alcedo atthis), piping plover (Charadrius melodus), and rock dove (Columba livia) scattered within its interior. These skeletons will randomly animate and organize themselves throughout the cage before singing a song recorded by The Beach Boys. Once a performance is finished, the skeletons will enter their inactive state and fall back to the bottom of the cage.

Date of Recovery: 07/03/2022

Location of Recovery: In a warehouse owned by Marshall, Carter, & Dark in ███████████

Current Status: Kept in storage at Site-██.

Item Description: Painting of an anthropomorphic white cat wearing safety glasses and a lab coat. On the cat's right lapel is a small badge marked with the symbol of the Oneroi Collective, a noted Group of Interest. Anyone who falls asleep within 100 meters of the item will experience school-related dreams, often of forgetting to study for an important test or finish important assignments. This occurs even in subjects who were never in a school setting (home schooling, for instance).

Date of Recovery: 3/31/2023

Location of Recovery: Found in an alley in New Orleans, Louisiana

Current Status: Being tested for further anomalous properties.

Item Description: Approximately 1.2 billion 6-sided wooden dice. When a pair of dice roll the same number, they begin flying towards each other, exploding upon collision and producing up to 20 more dice in the process. This causes a massive chain reaction resulting in massive amounts of damage to the surrounding area, and the manifestation of millions of anomalous dice.

Date of Recovery: While the original incident was recorded on 9/22/2003, there have been 56 incidents since, the most recent of which was recorded on 4/5/2023.

Location of Recovery: Rocheport, Missouri

Current Status: Contained within several warehouses across the North American continent. Incinerators are used to reduce the number of dice to manageable amounts.

Item Description:A generic white box containing approximately 80 oz. of bright blue food additive labeled, "ESSENCE OF PURE FLAVOR." Chemical analysis shows the powder is comprised of only six seasonings, two of which are artificial and have not yet been identified. All are completely edible. When added to any edible food prior to it being cooked; for example, a cake or pastry, a roasted meat, etc, that food will taste exactly like "Funyuns" snacks as produced by the Frito Lay Corporation. When added to food that is not cooked, as a post-preparation seasoning for instance, it has no effect whatsoever - a bowl of cereal with milk will simply taste like a bowl of cereal with milk, for instance.

Date of Recovery: 7/10/1996

Location of Recovery:San Marino, the Most Serene Republic of San Marino

Current Status: Stored in Site 77's Edible Substances Lab

Note: Bagosy asked me whether, since frozen custard is cooked in part before freezing, whether it would have any effect on flavor. Turns out, it did. We now have Funyuns flavored frozen custard. Every day we stray further from the Creator's light. - Senior Researcher McGaughey

Item Description: A Type 95 "Kyu-Go"/"Ha-Go" Light Tank, manufactured by a Mitsubishi "Special Research Division," 1942. Paint had worn away, but the metal beneath had neither weathered nor corroded in any way. A total of six (6) small caliber bullet holes were noted in front hull glacis and turret ring: crew remains indicated death by small arms fire. Armor has thus far proved impervious to any heavy weapon, including but not limited to depleted uranium ammunition and Anti-Tank Guided Missiles (ATGMs). Conversely, bullets of 10mm caliber or less immediately penetrate the armor.

Date of Recovery: 17/11/2021

Location of Recovery: Rabaul, Papua New Guinea

Current Status: Anomalous Vehicle Storage, Site 77

Item Description: A DVD of Richard Simmons "Sweatin' to the Oldies," Volume III (2001.) Content appears in every way to be identical to the standard workout video. However, when observed for more than fifteen minutes by any subject, that subject develops a permanent physiological effect causing them to sweat to an excessive degree when within fifty (50) meters of any human being aged 75 or older. Testing shows that individuals 75 or older exposed to subject still suffer the effect with regards to others, but that there is no additional effect.

Date of Recovery: 4/1/2013

Location of Recovery: Goodwill Store, Bloomington, Illinois, US

Current Status: Restricted storage, Site 17

Item Description: A fan reproduced, production quality copy of the "Count Von Count" Muppet from the Sesame Street Children's program. Includes a label indicating that the item was made by a "J.W. Waldon, Master of Puppetry." Any individual who uses the puppet will develop the inability to perform even the most basic mathematical operation for a number of days equal to five times the number of minutes during which the "Count" was used. One D-Class Subject -a trained puppeteer- was asked to perform with the puppet for ten minutes, and subsequently was unable to count from one to ten, could not perform basic addition, and was unable to give the correct name for any number over ten, for that matter. (The number Eleven, for example, was, "Two Twin Ones, I think.") Effect lasted just over 50 days.

Date of Recovery: 9/7/1990

Location of Recovery: Poundland, New Castle Upon Tyne, United Kingdom

Current Status: Archived, Site 19

Item Description: A fractal Rubik's Cube which is simultaneously all of its component cubes.

Date of Recovery: 04/05/23

Location of Recovery: Kazan, Russia

Current Status: Held in a Size-II object storage locker at Site-77.

Item Description: Subject is a shipwreck with the characteristics of a modern aircraft carrier nearly identical to the Nimitz class utilized by the United States Navy in a configuration roughly analogous to Nimitz class vessels deployed to the Atlantic during the mid 1980s. Weathered paint scheme and markings are those of the Imperial German Navy, or Hochseeflotte, circa 1918. No aircraft or human remains have been discovered. Reactor appears to be safe and inert.

Date of Recovery: 19/04/97

Location of Recovery: 25 Nautical Miles west of Tahiti.

Current Status: Subject is under custodianship of Maritime Archaeology Division, Site-77. Location and depth make investigation difficult and costly. Amnestics administered to all witnesses, area patrolled by NTF-2 "Canberra".

Notes: Reactor removed successfully, 1/4/22. Inert. - Dr. Bayard

Item Description: Photo of the Austro-Hungarian Emperor Karl I shaking hands with Theodore Roosevelt in the White House, circa 1923. Handwritten note on the back of the photo explains, "Emperor of the Austro-Hungarian Federation shakes hands with President Roosevelt on the third anniversary of the Treaty of London." The photo appears to be genuine. An accompanying, modern 'Post-It' note reads 'Reality is What You Make It. -#291'

Date of Recovery: 11/11/18

Location of Recovery: Folded within a copy of a 1920 edition of War of the Worlds by HG Wells, found resting on a table in the Oxford University Commons.

Anomalous Items 1091 - 1100

Item Description: One plastic bottle cap of unknown brand. When held, the holder will refer to chocolate milk as "chicken tendies", chicken products as "gamer juice", and all women as "soyboys", regardless of their knowledge of English. Attempts to damage this item result in all nearby devices accessing a randomly selected page from reddit.com, or the Wikipedia entry for Eris/Discordia.

Date of Recovery: 2023-05-07

Location of Recovery: ████████████ residence, near Charlottesville, Indiana, USA

Current Status: Held in a Size-I object storage locker at Site-160.

Item Description: A small dog kennel capable of inducing panic attacks in children between 4 and 16 years of age, and a minority of adults meeting yet unknown criteria. The bottom of the cage was previously stained with [REDACTED], matching R███ W███████, a 13-year-old homicide victim from 1978, though has since been cleaned.

Date of Recovery: 2003-05-27

Location of Recovery: Humboldt-Toiyabe National Forest, USA

Current Status: Held in a Size-IV object storage locker at Site-35. Information deduced from investigation into the item's properties has been distributed to the relevant authorities under an approved cover story. As of 200█-██-██, item testing has been indefinitely suspended following ethical concerns and a lack of further findings.

Item Description: One 2-meter-tall crudely carved wooden statue depicting the video game character "Donkey Kong" giving a thumbs up. When rubbed or stroked by any male-identifying human, said individual will hear "Oh, you're a twink, aren't you?" said in a deep voice from behind and to the right of them. Earplugs and deafness do not prevent hearing this.

Date of Recovery: 2023-05-07

Location of Recovery: █████████ residence, Chattanooga, Tennessee, USA

Current Status: Lost following temporary relocation to Site-500 for repairs.

Item Description: One fanmade plush toy depicting the video game character "Sonic the Hedgehog". Despite not containing any vocal mechanisms, when squeezed, the voice of video game composer Tommy Tallarico can be heard saying "I was the first American to work on me!"

Date of Recovery: 2023-05-07

Location of Recovery: █████████ residence, Chattanooga, Tennessee, USA

Current Status: Held in a Size-II object storage locker at Site-106.

Item Description: A piece of A4-size printer paper, infinitely thin.

Date of Recovery: 2023-05-07

Location of Recovery: ███ ████████ St., Somerset, New Jersey, USA

Current Status: Slipped through transport vehicle and seemingly into the road below while en route to nearest site.

Item Description: An LED tube light, that, when swung, is capable of cutting through any biological material and most metals.

Date of Recovery: 24-02-2015

Location of Recovery: █████ ████’s residence, Montgomery, Alabama, USA

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: An electrical kitchen blender that is seemingly completely incapable of causing any damage to the items placed inside it while blending. Seemingly, it's blades are only capable of harmlessly pushing items inside it around despite their sharpness, rather than slicing them. This is only true while the item is activated. When stationary, it's blades are still wholly capable of cutting objects.

Date of Recovery: 1-02-2023

Location of Recovery: Pawnbroker shop, Idaho, USA. Likely sold after being given as a Christmas gift.

Current Status: In object storage at Site-26.

Item Description: A set of three DVDs containing the first three seasons of "The [UNTRANSLATED]"9, an animated workplace comedy set in what appears to be the Factory. Item is non-anomalous besides the information breach it represents.

Date of Recovery: 4/21/2024

Location of Recovery: Found hidden inside a book at the █████ Library, Amherst, Massachusetts.

Current Status: Kept in Site-25 breakroom.

Notes: It's actually pretty funny if you like dark humor. And industrial accidents. -Researcher Joseph Conway.

Item Description: An association football ball, of material consistent with polyurethane; with a circumference of 70 cm and mass 450 grams - presumed to be of Size 5 standardized construction. Football can be damaged and deflated. When any human attempts to move the football, they shall only do it by hand; even when threatened with injury.

Date of recovery: 03/15/2023

Location of Recovery: A football club in ████████, County Sussex, United Kingdom.

Current Status: Pending destruction, held temporarily in storage in Site-44.

Notes: "Potentially a prank conducted by Foundation staff. Ethics Committee did not approve my request to seriously injure a Class-D over a football." - Researcher Frank Mills

Item Description: A set of handmade “armor” composed predominantly of layers of brochures, leaflets and other minor printed materials produced by a large number of different Veiled religious organizations. For its composition, it displays remarkably strong protective properties against threats of fey and/or demonic origin. Wearers of the item report experiencing a mental state of heightened vigilance and clarity of mind.

Date of Recovery: 20/05/2023

Location of Recovery: Personal apartment of Foundation Field Agent Martin Matouš, Liberec, Czech Republic

Current Status: Held in storage in Site 15CS. Item is confirmed as having been created by Agent Matouš as a personal craft project, with its anomalous properties being unintentional.

Anomalous Items 1101 - 1110

Item Description: A ~30x80 cm sheet of bubble wrap. Upon popping a bubble on this sheet, the bubble will instantly regenerate and a nonanomalous soap bubble ~2.5 cm10 in diameter will appear nearby.

Date of Recovery: 2023-05-26

Location of Recovery: Bordighera, Italy

Current Status: Held in a Size-III object storage locker at Site-120.

Item Description: One ████████ brand treadmill. For every 30 miles traversed, the building surrounding the item and all its contents will shrink by 1% in all directions. Item is currently at ~96% of original size.

Date of Recovery: 2023-05-26

Location of Recovery: Sidney, Nebraska, USA

Current Status: Disassembled and held across six Size-III object storage lockers at Site-90.

Item Description: The top half of a metal lamp post, along with added wiring and power source to reallow functionality. When activated, all artificial lights in a 5km radius will deactivate, though reactivation remains possible. The source of the post's damage, as well as its repair, remain unknown.

Date of Recovery: 2023-05-27

Location of Recovery: Gölcük, Turkey

Current Status: Separated into component parts and stored in a Size-V and Size-II object storage locker at Site-300.

Item Description: A vintage music box with intricate carvings depicting symbols of the Rastifari religion. Upon the music box being wound, all nearby plant life undergoes accelerated growth. Flowers bloom, vines extend and intertwine, and trees rapidly reach maturity. The effect is temporary and reverts once the melody stops.

Date of Recovery: 1990-06-02

Location of Recovery: Mandeville, Jamaica

Current Status: Held in a Size-I object storage locker at Site-66.

Item Description: A life-sized cardboard cut-out of Charlie Chaplin. When the cutout is viewed by any individual, it has the ability to cause uncontrollable fits of laughter in those who observe it. The laughter may be so intense that it could lead to temporary loss of breath and physical weakness, along with brief flashes of grayscale vision. The effect persists as long as the individual remains in the presence of the cut-out.

Date of Recovery: 2023-05-31

Location of Recovery: An alleyway in Curitiba, Brazil

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A set of playing cards that, when a game of poker is played with them, causes all participants to lose their sense of self-control and bet increasingly higher sums of money, along with valuable possessions such as jewelry and watches. The effect intensifies with each round, and participants become completely obsessed with winning. The cards have been known to cause individuals to engage in dangerous and reckless behavior.

Date of Recovery: 1982-09-15

Location of Recovery: A high-stakes underground gambling den in Las Vegas, Nevada, USA

Current Status: Held in a reinforced containment box at Site-87. Access restricted to authorized personnel only. Personnel requesting access are vetted for any history of gambling addiction.

Item Description: Painted metal sign, blue text on white background, encouraging viewers to, quote, "Unzip your head." Those viewing the sign suffer a cognitohazardous effect causing them to want to perform this activity, though there is no method of doing so. Those affected will often feel around their heads and faces and examine themselves in nearby reflective surfaces. The compulsion is very mild and can be easily broken by distracting affected subjects.

Date of Recovery: 2023-05-24

Location of Recovery: Abandoned storage locker, Jackson, Mississippi, USA

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: Poster of the once-popular public service announcement "It's 10 PM, do you know where your children are?", commonly found on television stations from the 1960s to the 1980s. No posters of this are known to have been made, despite the item appearing to be of professional quality. Anyone viewing the poster becomes consumed by the question and is only satisfied upon learning the location of their children, if any exist. The effect on childless subjects is easily broken by reminding them that they do not have children.

Date of Recovery: 2023-04-30

Location of Recovery: Found behind another poster in a frame at a garage sale in Orlando, Florida.

Current Status: In storage.

Note: The seller of the frame denied any knowledge of the anomalous item. She claimed to have acquired the frame and original poster from a friend several years ago. - Agent Hernandez

Item Description: One anomalously invisible bald cap. When worn, all hair on the scalps of any individual within ~22 meters becomes similarly invisible until the cap is removed.

Date of Recovery: 2023-06-01

Location of Recovery: [REDACTED], Tataouine, Tunisia

Current Status: Held in a Size-III object storage locker at Site-33.

Item Description: One wax candle which gains wax as it burns. More notably, temporal, entropic, ontokinetic, essophysical, [REDACTED], and thermodynamic measurement systems show no signs of anomalous activity when exposed to this item.

Date of Recovery: 2023-06-01

Location of Recovery: ███████████████ █████████ ██████, a museum in Saint-Michel-sur-Orge, Essonne, France

Current Status: Held in a Size-III object storage locker at Site-300.

Anomalous Items 1111 - 1120

Item Description: A human skull that causes anyone who holds it to speak exclusively in Early Modern English iambic blank verse.

Date of Recovery: 2023-06-03

Location of Recovery: █████████ ████ ████, Worcestershire, England

Current Status: Held in a Size-III object storage locker at Site-84B.

Notes: "My friend, I fear it lacks accuracy,

Thy nod to Hamlet, thou must now concede,

Forsooth, 'tis writ in iambic pentameter,

Not blank iambic, as thy pow'rs present." - Dr. Blackstone

Status Update Available.

Close.

Updated Status: Object has seemingly ceased all anomalous activity. Pending reclassification to 'Neutralized'.

Notes: "Why must this misfortune befall me twice." - Dr. Blackstone

Item Description: A photograph that individuals perceive to be of their happiest childhood memory.

Date of Recovery: 2023-05-06

Location of Recovery: Mary Keller Preschool, New York, New York

Current Status: On the wall of the Site-94 Breakroom.

Item Description: The entrails of a Capra aegagrus11, which do not undergo decay. When any form of latin is spoken in a ~3 meter radius, the winning lottery numbers for the most recently concluded Mississippi lottery will appear burned into a random section of the entrails and remain there. Due to extensive previous usage, almost all newly generated numbers generate overlapping with previously generated numbers and are rendered partially or fully illegible.

Date of Recovery: 2023-06-06

Location of Recovery: Unclaimed storage unit, McKenzie, Tennessee, USA

Current Status: Held in a Size-III object storage locker at Site-67 for early prognosticative analysis. Upon determination of full abilities, item will be either transferred to Site-███ for SCP status evaluation, or Site-25 for permanent storage.

Item Description: A 57mm white body version of a MoYu WeiLong V112which slowly solves itself at a rate of 0.3 TPS13. The method the item uses to solve has been identified as the Petrus14 method. When the item is solved, the item will quickly scramble itself at a rate of 10 TPS and finish in around 5 seconds. The item will ignore impossible scrambles and will solve itself as if it is possible. When a person is actively using the item, all anomalous properties will be inactive, it will come back if the item is not being actively used.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-06

Location of Recovery: An abandoned house in █████████, China

Current Status: Kept in Site-98 breakroom.

Item Description: A poster showing a picture of Earth that, when viewed, causes the viewer to jump and yell "HUZZAH!"

Date of Recovery: 2014-02-08

Location of Recovery: A warehouse in █████████, █████████.

Current Status: Kept in Site-87 storage.

Item Description: Approximately 2.9 metric tons of dirt and topsoil which is anomalously incapable of supporting the growth of any living sedentary organism, regardless of an ordinarily viable nutrient content, and the presence of light and water. Sedentary life placed in the soil wither at a rate of nearly ██x times faster than they ordinarily would.

Date of Recovery: 1999-09-02

Location of Recovery: [DATA REDACTED]

Current Status: Contained in a secure indoor plot at Site-103.

Item Description: Ceramic coffee mug. Standard size, no manufacturer's information visible. Filling the mug with any liquid other than coffee will cause it to spill, usually via normal yet unlikely means. Testing revealed that the method of spilling becomes increasingly unlikely as more and more variables are controlled.

Date of Recovery: 2023-06-01

Location of Recovery: A secondhand store in Greer, AL

Current Status: Being tested. Testing suspended after a minor earthquake struck the testing chamber. Item is now in storage.

Item Description: A topless blue Corvette that when running causes the driver to hallucinate that they are travelling 70mph (112 kph) on an empty seaside road. While in this state, they are unaware of the outside world around them. The effect ends should the driver be removed from the car or if the car itself runs out of fuel. Testing has demonstrated that additional passengers that enter perceive the same scenery.

Date of Recovery: June 10th, 2020

Location of Recovery Object recovered from Dr. ███████'s driveway. When Dr. ███████ failed to show up to work for 48 consecutive hours during a standard workweek, security agents were dispatched to check up on him. He was found sitting at the vehicle's wheel, and taken in for an immediate medical examination. Results concluded that he was suffering from sleep deprivation and dehydration, but otherwise had suffered no physical harm, and has since made a full recovery.

Current Status: Object contained in LOS (Large Object Storage) at Containment Site-17.

Notes: Object was proposed for staff recreational use considered by Site-17 Asst. Dir. but was denied due to the potential health risk to personnel. Dr. ███████ has been given a replacement vehicle as concession.

Item Description: An oval hair brush secreting a mix of body soap and shampoo from the bristles.

Date of Recovery: 2023-14-06

Location of Recovery: A bathroom in ██████████████'s house in Pitmedden, United Kingdom.

Current Status: Kept in Site-65 storage.

Item Description: A tickseed15that grows and decomposes over the course of an entire day.

Date of Recovery: 2023-14-06

Location of Recovery: A garden in South Bradenton, Florida

Current Status: Kept in Site-108 breakroom.

Anomalous Items 1121 - 1130

Item Description: One (1) mosquito found splattered on a windshield.

Date of Recovery: 2023-04-25

Location of Recovery: Lunar resupply vessel 'Never Given'

Current Status: Handed over to Area-32's entomology department16.

Item Description: A sepia-tone ceramic mug that is seemingly impervious to anomalous effect. Most anomalous liquids placed in the mug will become non-anomalous in seconds, with more esoteric liquids taking up to several minutes to completely transform. Liquids tested such as SCP-00█, SCP-009, and many of the abstract liquids generated by SCP-294 have all transformed into ordinary drinking water after exposure to the mug.

Date of Recovery: 20██-09-13

Location of Recovery: ███████'s Thrift Store, Bloomington, Arkansas

Current Status: Presently contained in Small Object Storage, Site-26.

Note: The future containment status of the item is currently in the process of being determined, due to both its deleterious properties, and of the nature of its threat to normalcy, or rather its functional lack thereof.

Item Description: A standard sheet of lined paper containing a pencil drawing of a square which only has three sides. No anomalous psychological effect, it is simply impossible and therefore naturally confusing. Original creator unknown.

Date of Recovery: 8/17/2022

Location of Recovery: ██████-████████ Middle School, ██████, Indiana

Current Status: Presently contained in anart storage gallery at Site-454.

Note: "It's just weird… I don't like it." - Agent Strickland, MTF-Theta-90

Item Description: A Pratt & Whitney JT8D-15 low-bypass turbofan engine that, when operated, anomalously generates twice as much thrust for a given fuel flow as a non-anomalous engine of the same type would.

Date of Recovery: 17/06/1990

Location of Recovery: Installed in a Southwest Airlines Boeing 737-200 (registration N█████), Midway International Airport, Chicago, Illinois

Current Status: Installed in a Foundation Boeing 737-200 (identification code ██-██████) used for inter-site personnel transport. In storage following the replacement of aircraft ██-██████ due to obsolescence, as advances in aircraft technology had rendered this aircraft more expensive to operate, even with the additional fuel efficiency provided by its use of AO-1124, than a jet transport of a newer model. All other Foundation aircraft using this engine model had already been retired several years earlier for this reason.

Item Description: American flag with 67 stars instead of the standard 50. Anyone viewing the item directly suffers a cognitohazardous effect that causes them to believe this is the proper number and all other flags are wrong. Viewing photographs or video of the item does not trigger this effect, which is mild and easily broken.

Date of Recovery: July 4, 2022

Location of Recovery: Columbus, OH

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: Two or more 50-cent Netherlands Antillean guilder coins. When an instance is flipped, it will demanifest while two new instances manifest on the ground, one on its "head" side and the other on "tails". Every 31st of January, all instances will demanifest while two new instances appear within five centimeters of the average location of all previous instances' manifestations. As of 2023-01-31, this location is 05°██'██", 56°██'██", ██ kilometers from Site-276, and is expected to be retrievable within the confines of Site-276 as of 20██-01-31.

Date of Recovery: 2013-07-10

Location of Recovery: Various locations in northeastern Suriname, mostly within Paramaribo

Current Status: The 678 extant instances are held at Site-276 in six Size-II through -V object storage lockers (635), two long-term testing chambers (28), a display unit for explanations of ectoentropic anomalies (12), and an unknown location within the site's ventilation system (3)17.

Item Description: Two mummified juvenile Equus grevyi18 with no visible cause of death. When seen by any animal, that animal will over the following 5-18 seconds lose all ability to comprehend that a zebra can be eaten or poses any nutritional value. This effect is permanent in humans unless amnestics are applied.19

Date of Recovery: 1983-07-10

Location of Recovery: A Marshall, Carter, and Dark auction in Brixton, London, England. Accompanying documentation suggests an origin in eastern Ethiopia between 1871 and 1886.

Current Status: Held together in a Size-V object storage locker at Site-25 with appropriate antimemetic warning labels.

Item Description: Eight 28 by 36 cm posters reading "Hang in there!" When viewed for the first time by an individual, said individual will experience minor neck pain and/or non-fatal breathing difficulties. This effect subsides upon viewing any other poster.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-10

Location of Recovery: ██████████ Marketing Headquarters, Hobart, Australia

Current Status: Held in storage frames SF035-U01-11206 through SF035-U01-11213 at Site-35.

Item Description: One ball-peen hammer with a damaged handle which imbues all viewers with a perfect knowledge of all historical implementations of communism in a majority-human government. Notably, this ignores all anomalous and nonanomalous Foundation-induced alterations to history, allowing for knowledge of at least █,███ governments across ██ historical iterations across the last [REDACTED] years. This occurs in spite of [5/2000 CLEARANCE REQUIRED], [5/4132 CLEARANCE REQUIRED], [5/3252 CLEARANCE REQUIRED], and an unknowable amount of Ennui Protocol deployments.

Date of Recovery: [REDACTED]

Location of Recovery: Dalanzadgad, Mongolia

Current Status: Held in storage frame SF035-U04-00005 at Site-35 with undisclosed safety measures.

Item Description: One hand-painted music box with various instruments depicted across its surface. When played at a normal orientation, all sound in a ~160 cm radius is lowered by 10 decibels. When held upside down, this effect is reversed.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-11

Location of Recovery: Jelgava, Latvia

Current Status: Held in a Size-III object storage locker at Site-234, on its side.

Anomalous Items 1131 - 1140

Item Description: One human eyeball and some attached tissue encased in an 15x15x15 cm epoxy resin cube. All observers, including recording equipment, perceive this eye as staring directly at them.

Date of Recovery: 1913-07-11

Location of Recovery: [REDACTED], the personal residence of O5-1-01, specifically within his [REDACTED]

Current Status: Found neutralized 1992-12-24. Connection to Anomalous Event #693937, in which all male personnel at Site-███ reported a pain in their left eye on 1992-12-17 suspected but unconfirmed.

Item Description: A withered dirty blue rabbit plush approximately 20 centimeters in height, when held by a subject it emits a faint warmth and emits a subtle smoothing female hum. Subjects often report when holding it they feel loved, safe and cared for.

Date of Recovery: 20██-06-15

Location of Recovery: Recovered after a historical dig on the western front.

Current Status: Stored in Dr. Andrew Cerise cabin aboard Foundation Research Vessel Azazel.

Item Description: One stained McDonald's restaurant french fry box. When held, the holder will become unable to perceive any member of the order Blattaria20 until exactly 15 minutes after they release the box.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-15

Location of Recovery: ████████, South Korea

Current Status: Held in a Size-II object storage locker at Site-199

Item Description: One wooden music box constructed for playing part of Eine Kleine Nachtmusik. When activated, the box will instead play a unique recording of former president of the United States of America William Jefferson "Bill" Clinton screaming in pain.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-15

Location of Recovery: ███████ ██████ █████, Texas, USA.

Current Status: Held in a Size-III object storage locker at Site-███ for potential use in [REDACTED].

Note: ████ claimed to have no knowledge of the item or its creator, and successfully demonstrated that it bore no connection to the ████ family's extensive occult artifact collection, the Treasures of the Chief21, or the United States Government Strategic Paraweaponry Reserve. Item's true creator unknown.

Item Description: One candle which only loses wax while a lie is uttered in its immediate vicinity, and regains wax when a child sings in its vicinity.

Date of Recovery: 1993-07-15

Location of Recovery: Salelologa, Samoa

Current Status: Neutralized 2003-01-14 during a test wherein a child, D-04120522, was instructed to sing "The sky is green." D-041205 and Drs. Jensen and Tualaulelei treated for wax burns.

Item Description: One folding wheelchair which, when sat in for the first time, shoots intangible flames from its armrests and shouts the inhabitant's name over a variable guitar riff.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-15

Location of Recovery: A raided Serpent's Hand meeting at ████████ ████████'s Internet Café, Cotonou, Benin

Current Status: Held in a Size-IV object storage locker at Site-424.

Item Description: One 325x500x30 centimeter slab of concrete. Every 1.0-7.6 seconds, a Type-VIII phantasmic human hand manifests and punches the "A" side of the slab, rendering it fractionally more damaged. As of 2023-01-02, this has resulted in a hole 3.7 centimeters in depth and roughly 20x15 centimeters across.

Date of Recovery: 1973-07-15

Location of Recovery: ███████ ██████ Prison, █████████, Portuguese East Africa23

Current Status: Held in a 5x5x3 meter spectral containment unit at Site-266.

Item Description: 48 32 condoms. When worn, the user will perceive all individuals as their father.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-15

Location of Recovery: ████████ Hotel, Tegucigalpa, Honduras

Current Status: Held in MSU-A001-1240-102 at Site-35.

Item Description: 286.5 214.5 kilograms of aragonite. When >15 grams are swallowed or absorbed by any animal, that animal’s location will be swapped with an equally-sized space ~310 centimeters below them, effectively teleporting them.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-██

Location of Recovery: LoI-24267, a Chaos Insurgency base for use in the destruction of [REDACTED], ██ kilometers from Budapest, Hungary

Current Status: Undergoing testing at Site-300 to determine field capabilities.

Note: Before recovery, object was guarded by a lone Chaos Insurgency agent. Upon seeing Foundation operatives enter the room, this agent swallowed one of several prepared fragments in an attempt to escape. However, as the location was being secured from the ground up, the agent partially swapped with and became stuck in a nonanomalous gun closet which had been moved by operatives on the floor below. The agent was subsequently separated from the closet with no lasting injuries and captured for interrogation.

Item Description: One living Chiton glaucus24 composed entirely of aragonite. This entity does not require water and usually remains still, but moves when feeding, deriving energy via the transformation of concrete below its body to additional aragonite. How this process can produce any useful energy is unknown.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-██

Location of Recovery: LoI-24267

Current Status: Held in a temporary containment chamber with a floor of modular concrete slabs at Site-25 while pending SCP status. Item has been nicknamed “Strider” by containment staff.

Note: Item recovered in an unused storage garage four floors below AO-1139. Connection hypothesized but unconfirmed.

Anomalous Items 1141 - 1150

Item Description: Three M1 Garand rifles. The locations of wounds inflicted by these rifles are antimemetically cloaked.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-██

Location of Recovery: LoI-24267

Current Status: Held in a standard secure weapons vault at Site-300.

Item Description: One obsidian blade which makes all persons stabbed aware of their status as [5/0001-SAS CLEARANCE REQUIRED]. Amnestics are capable of reversing this effect.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-██

Location of Recovery: LoI-24267

Current Status: Held in a modified secure weapons vault at Site-300 with undisclosed safety measures. All testing denied.

Note: Chaos Insurgency was unaware of the item’s true effects and used it primarily for torture and [5/0001-SAS CLEARANCE REQUIRED]. One MTF operative was affected during the capture of LoI-24267 as a deliberate effort to cause demotivation and/or injury, but instead became far more confident and careless as a result of the knowledge of this entry and her eventual survival. Operative congratulated, then amnesticized.

Item Description: One kerosene lamp which makes viewers incapable of believing their loved ones to be safe.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-██

Location of Recovery: LoI-24267

Current Status: Held in a Size-III object storage locker at Site-121.

Item Description: Four infant Tachyglossus aculeatus25 with their spines replaced with needles genetically matching Dendrocnide moroides26. Instances are capable of photosynthesis, but do not possess the toxicity often associated with D. moroides. Associated documentation suggests this was unintentional and had happened before, and proposes the termination of all four.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-██

Location of Recovery: LoI-24267

Current Status: Held in an echidna-friendly containment unit with SCP-9324-1 and AO-04362 at Site-25 while pending SCP status. Items nicknamed “Leo”, “Michelle”, “Donna”, and “Raph” by containment staff.

Item Description: ~600 kg of soil. Every winter solstice, 1803 adult Gryllotalpa africana27 emerge in a disoriented state.

Date of Recovery: Prior to 1914

Location of Recovery: Location data lost, soil composition and nearby items suggest Libyan origin

Current Status: Held in a Size-V object storage locker at Site-33. This locker is cleaned and its produced materials incinerated annually.

Item Description: A regenerative Musa acuminata28 taped to the wall of Site-106's Cafeteria, all attempts to remove the banana from the wall has been unsuccessful. It is unknown how the banana got there.

Date of Recovery: 2009

Location of Recovery: Site-106's Cafeteria

Current Status: Held in Site-106's Cafeteria

Item Description: One disposable face mask, worn. 50% of subjects who view the item report feeling that the item could only have belonged to someone beautiful, while the other 50% feel that it must have had an ugly owner. The veracity of these claims remains unknown.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-17

Location of Recovery: Gifu, Japan

Current Status: Held in Storage Frame SF035-U06-16662 at Site-35.

Item Description: One computer flash drive containing a single file titled "tchort29.txt" which is exactly 90 kilobytes in size. Inside the file, there is an untitled long-form essay written in American English. The full contents of the essay are not known, as upon the complete reading of the file or its contents by any program or living entity, the viability of sustaining operation will cease immediately. Attempting to store a complete record of the contents of the essay by containing pieces of it within multiple 'containers' of information simultaneously will result in the cessation of all containers upon the completion of the reading of the file's contents.

Seemingly the only exception is the flash drive in which the file was initially stored in.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-05

Location of Recovery: ███ Teahouse in Denver, Colorado.

Current Status: The flash drive is presently contained in a secure lockbox in Site-91.

Item Description: One roll of █████ ████ brand toilet paper, ~25% used. This roll constantly rotates and throws itself it at nearby walls and persons until all paper is dislodged from the central tube, at which point the roll and paper will demanifest then remanifest in their initial orderly state.

Date of Recovery: 1993-07-18

Location of Recovery: █████ residence, Echuca-Moama, Victoria / New South Wales, Australia

Current Status: Held in a reinforced Size-III object storage locker at Site-127.

Item Description: One CD with "that fifthist b!tch" written on its surface in marker. Included on the CD is Livin' on a Prayer by Bon Jovi, but with every instance of "halfway there" instead dividing into fifths. Subjects hearing this revised song for the first time become unable to understand fractions for exactly fifty-two minutes and five seconds.

Date of Recovery: 2003-07-18

Location of Recovery: Estate auction of PoI-52651, ██ ██████████, CFO of █████ Records

Current Status: Held in Storage Sleeve SS035-U07-07776 at Site-35.

Note: Bon Jovi's connection to the Fifthist Church under review.

Anomalous Items 1151 - 1160

Item Description: One poster depicting the band Twisted Sister, lightly torn. All persons born before 1944 who view this item feel an intrusive thought to leap out the nearest window. This effect is not compulsive, however, and is almost never acted upon.

Date of Recovery: 2003-07-18

Location of Recovery: Estate auction of PoI-52651, ██ ██████████, CFO of █████ Records

Current Status: Held in Storage Sleeve SS035-U07-19011 at Site-35.

Item Description: One Polish copy of The Silmarillion by J. R. R. Tolkein. When held by bare skin, time stops except for the holder and item until it is released. Due to the unmovement of light in this scenario, normal reading is rendered impossible.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-18

Location of Recovery: █████████ residence, Stalowa Wola, Poland

Current Status: Held in a Size-III object storage locker at Site-120.

Item Description: One 8.5x11 inch sheet of paper that slowly erases all substances placed upon it that are not ink or graphite, such as coffee stains or crayon. The paper is currently printed with an unfilled United States Individual Tax Return sheet.

Date of Recovery: 2023-04-16

Location of Recovery: █████████, New Jersey.

Current Status: Held in object storage cabinet IC-Δ-17 at Site-91.

Item Description: A copy of Real Madrid C.F.'s fan shirts. Appears to be a regular copy but a logo which symbolizes LaLiga30 anomalously spins.

Date of Recovery: 2023-19-07

Location of Recovery: ████, A████, Turkey

Current Status: Held in personal wardrobe of Dr. █████

Note: There were some minor rips.

Item Description: A taxidermic art piece depicting a "jackalope"31 in a bridal gown and a "wolpertinger"32 in a tuxedo holding hands. When any married couple sleeps in the same room as this item, they will experience a minor increase in cooperation, communication skills, health, and overall happiness until the next sunset. If a rabbit is also present in the room, it will instantaneously disappear at sunrise and the item's emotional effects will permanently increase for the present couple.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-19

Location of Recovery: Museum of Matrimonial Mysteries, ██████, Utah

Current Status: Held in a Size-IV object storage locker at Site-202.

Note: Research into a connection with SCP-6193 is ongoing.

NOTE: Some entry(s) appear to be corrupted by info-alteration. The Anomalous/Entos Protocol is actively maintained in this document.

Item Description: A nonsolid sealed box that weighs 33 kilograms which

Date of Recovery: 0000-00-00the

Location of Recovery: A█████ ██████

Current Status: It's so cold.

Note:

Date of Recovery: A nonsolid metal copper box

Location of Recovery: 2020-07-23

Current Status: Michigan,

Note: boxNote:

Item Description: A nonsolid sealed metal box that weighs 33 kilograms which

Item Description: A nonsolid sealed metal site that weighs 33.3 kilograms which is

Item Description: A sealed metal box that weighs 33.33 kilograms which contains

Item Description: A nonsolid metal box that weighs 33.333 kilograms which contains one

Location of Recovery: 2007-20-23-19

Current Status: Ali███ ██████ Conta

Location ████ve██: 2023-07-33.33333 ined

NOTE: Some entry(s) appear to be corrupted by info-alteration. The █████n ██████ Protocol is actively maintained in this document.

Item Description: One wind-up analog toy male mouse which acts in a lifelike manner when activated. Internally, the mouse is composed of roughly three billion metal gears which are extremely small in size, each one of which is engraved with a unique pattern of teeth. The gears are housed in a plastic chassis coated with felt "fur". The mouse does not need to eat, sleep, or breathe.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-20

Location of Recovery: ██████, France

Current Status: Contained in a storage locker within the Site-81 break room.

Note: AO-1157 may not be exposed to living female mice due to the potential risk of reproduction.

Item Description: Roll of transparent packing tape that has no end by which the tape can be unrolled and used. Initially, this was believed to be non-anomalous, but testing has revealed the true nature of the item.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-21

Location of Recovery: In the lost and found at [REDACTED] Middle School, Columbus, OH

Current Status: In storage.

Note: Investigation into who originally left the item at the school is ongoing.

Item Description: Four Dark Brahma chickens (Gallus domesticus) that demanifest for the duration of any lightning strike in a 40 km radius before remanifesting.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-24

Location of Recovery: █████ ████ County Fair, Missouri, USA

Current Status: Held in a shared enclosure in Site-25, awaiting medical examination, further testing, and possible SCP designation.

Note: "They may not look like much, but they can get real uppity when it's storming. Dalauan nearly bit my pinky off! And don't even get me started on Jupiter." - Handler McLoughlin

Item Description: Roughly 75 square centimeters of tattooed human flesh reading "This Too Shall Pass". This text cannot be willfully censored, hidden, obscured, or otherwise be made more difficult to view.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-24

Location of Recovery: [REDACTED], Bor, South Sudan

Current Status: Display in the main atrium of Site-206 behind a protective glass case.

Anomalous Items 1161 - 1170

Item Description: One coffee mug bearing an image of the pansexual pride flag. Mug appears blank white to those who object to same-sex relationships.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-24

Location of Recovery: Yard sale in Athy, County Kildare, Ireland

Current Status: Held in a Size-III object storage locker at Site-19.

Item Description: One fur cap which lets its wearer know the exact intentions of anyone currently flirting with them.

Date of Recovery: 1993-07-24

Location of Recovery: ██████ █████ ██████, a bar in Trang, Thailand

Current Status: Exchanged with UNGOC for [REDACTED] as of 200█-██-██, subsequently lost.

Item Description: Two plastic shower curtains that yell "Boo" at 99 decibels daily at 13:13.

Date of Recovery: 2013-07-24

Location of Recovery: Private residence in Saraya, Senegal

Current Status: Held in a soundproofed containment unit at Site-304.

Item Description: One iron and plastic bird feeder which causes lightning to instantly strike any contacting procyonid.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-24

Location of Recovery: Private residence in Spearfish, South Dakota, USA, following highly anomalous weather patterns

Current Status: Held in a reinforced Size-III object storage locker at Site-81.

Item Description: One Kazakhstani individual, ██████ █████, (1929-), and one Peruvian individual, ████ ██████████, (2020-), bearing identical fingerprints. █████ and ██████████ bear no other connection.

Date of Recovery: [5/2000 CLEARANCE REQUIRED]

Location of Recovery: [5/2000 CLEARANCE REQUIRED]

Current Status: Both individuals placed under discrete monitoring until █████'s death. Should either individual be detained by any civilian agency, use of SCP-█████ to alter their fingerprints and the records thereof is permitted.

Item Description: Four vinyl records of various Mozart compositions, only audible to literate humans.

Date of Recovery: 2003-07-24

Location of Recovery: █████████ Nursery, Chula Vista, California, USA

Current Status: Held in storage frames SF028-A14-01119 through -01122 at Site-28.

Item Description: One pair of rusted bolt cutters. When used, all relevant security and police forces for the affected location are telepathically alerted to this use.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-24

Location of Recovery: █████████ ███████ Plant, Guatemala City, Guatemala

Current Status: Awaiting testing at Site-34. Testing preemptively denied via a deal with the SCPF-USEP33 after information regarding AO-1167 was leaked by unknown parties and ████ individual complaints were submitted in a 48-hour period.

Item Description: Two feet from a male Aptenodytes forsteri34, each six meters in height. Feet were initially attached to the nonanomalously sized halves of the male, but these halves heavily decayed both prior to containment and during transfer to Site-960, and were therefore removed.

Date of Recovery: 1973-07-24

Location of Recovery: 80°13'56"S 03°89'45"W, Antarctica

Current Status: Stored in 10x10x10 meter containment unit CU960-A01-00004 at Site-960.

Item Description: One plastic and glass handheld mirror. When someone holds this item and says "Halt", the holder will perceive the sky as taking on prestorm conditions, and other individuals as becoming calmer and quieter. This effect reverses upon the holder saying "Resume".

Date of Recovery: 2013-07-24

Location of Recovery: Private residence in Mayville, North Dakota, USA

Current Status: Held in a Size-III object storage locker at Site-97.

Item Description: One silver locket holding a picture depicting a human and SCP-1000 instance two children, no longer of Day or Night, embracing in front of the Eiffel Tower.

Date of Recovery: [INFORMATION DELETED]

Location of Recovery: [INFORMATION DELETED]

Current Status: Somewhere safe.

Note: No matter what you do, or who or what you take, we'll always have our memories. -[NO AUTHOR GIVEN]

Anomalous Items 1171 - 1180

Item Description: One sentient Tesla Model 3 electric car, heavily vandalized prior to containment. Item incessantly asks "Are we there yet?" in English or Arabic unless fueling, and will always attempt to park facing [REDACTED] on Mars.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-24

Location of Recovery: 5 kilometers outside of Ras Al Khaimah, UAE, driving eastwards

Current Status: Held in Site-95's ESVDR35. Transportation to Mars considered but deemed unreasonable and costly.

Item Description: One Eucalyptus globulus36 with leaves shaped like hands displaying their middle finger. When any of these leaves are ingested by an instance of Phascolarctos cinereus37, said instance will violently explode.

Date of Recovery: 2003-07-24

Location of Recovery: Private residence █ kilometers from Wagga Wagga, New South Wales, Australia

Current Status: Held in Courtyard S13 at Site-86.

Item Description: 945 866 ml of bleach. When >6 ml are ingested, the ingester will become albino. All other effects of consuming bleach still occur.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-24

Location of Recovery: St. ████████'s Hospital, Leuven, Belgium

Current Status: Stored in a Size-III object storage locker at Site-420.

Item Description: Five candles capable of stopping hallucinations in any individual in a ~150 cm radius while all active. Significant amounts of nonanomalous wax have been added by an unknown party, to no effect.

Date of Recovery: 2013-07-24

Location of Recovery: ██████ Mental Health Center, Anqing, China

Current Status: Original wax expended as of 2020-01-25, object now neutralized.

Item Description: Six Fourteen Citrullus lanatus38. Each instance is capable of being carved in accordance with the Axiom of Choice so as to yield two new, ripe instances.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-24

Location of Recovery: Grocery store in Wad Madani, Sudan

Current Status: Temporarily held in Site-86 while proper Infinitely Replicable Anomaly Containment Proposals are drafted and reviewed.

Item Description: One bumper sticker reading "How is my driving?" in Italian. When placed on any vehicle, all four tires will deflate.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-24

Location of Recovery: Street corner in Genoa, Italy

Current Status: Held in Storage Sleeve SS095-A03-84737 at Site-95.

Item Description: Two welcome mats, extremely worn. When placed in front of a building, all individuals who walk over either mat will become incapable of assuming malicious intent from anyone in the building.

Date of Recovery: 1993-07-24

Location of Recovery: █████████ Accounting and Financial Planning, Kamal Shahr, Iran

Current Status: [REDACTED]

Item Description: One desiccated Melopsittacus undulatus39 wing with numerous thaumaturgic enhancements. When wielded by any animal, the wielder becomes capable of unlocking bird cages and paralyzing any member of the family Felidae.

Date of Recovery: 1993-07-24

Location of Recovery: Private residence in Loures, Portugal

Current Status: Swallowed by AO-2281-N during transportation of several anomalies from Site-06-3 to Site-25. AO-2281-N was then paralyzed by AO-1178's effects and asphyxiated before medical care could be administered. AO-1178 rendered unretrievable due to AO-2281-N's spatially ambiguous esophageal tract.

Item Description: One hand-powered flashlight capable of emitting over 300 panes of divine light, which allows for the instantaneous disruption of all lesser demons. Notably, this level of divine light is also capable of blinding >99% of all extant humans.

Date of Recovery: [REDACTED], first obtained 1201 CE

Location of Recovery: Vatican Archives, as part of an exchange between the Vatican and the Foundation of anomalies best contained by the other organization

Current Status: Held in a Size-IV object storage locker at Site-343.

Item Description: Various robes, heavily worn. When touched, all minor wounds are healed, and all present tumors subsequently grow anywhere from 44 to 188% faster.

Date of Recovery: [REDACTED], first obtained 847 CE

Location of Recovery: Vatican Archives, as part of an exchange between the Vatican and the Foundation of anomalies best contained by the other organization

Current Status: Held in a climate controlled cloth preservation unit at Site-343.

Anomalous Items 1181 - 1190

Item Description: Something that is not the Word of God, but can only be described in how it is or is not like the Word of God. In comparison to the Word of God, this object is smaller, waxier, simpler, and more physical, cylindrical, and flammable.

Date of Recovery: [REDACTED], first obtained 1468 CE

Location of Recovery: Vatican Archives, as part of an exchange between the Vatican and the Foundation of anomalies best contained by the other organization

Current Status: Held in a Size-III object storage locker at Site-343.

Item Description: The demon Cipocs, of the 4th Circle of the 2nd Ring Below. Entity is of Tartarean origin and bears a vaguely chiropteran bodyplan with features of the genera Musca, Ursus, and Deinonychus. Affixed to its exposed skull is a crown of beryllium bronze bearing jewels of ruby, diamond, and gold. Entity's total size has been measured at 66 micrometres40.

Date of Recovery: [REDACTED], first obtained 1895 CE

Location of Recovery: Vatican Archives, as part of an exchange between the Vatican and the Foundation of anomalies best contained by the other organization

Current Status: Held in a blessed microscope slide developed by Agent Bourgogne and Father Johnathan [COGNITOHAZARD EXPUNGED], capable of suppressing all size-altering magic. Slide placing in Size-I object storage locker at Site-343.

Item Description: One heavily rusted blade used in the flaying of St. Bartholomew. When used to pierce the skin of any human, the wielder becomes aware of all consequences of their actions with the blade, including but not limited to social, financial, political, sexual, occupational, and eternal consequences.

Date of Recovery: [REDACTED], first obtained 1761 CE

Location of Recovery: Vatican Archives, as part of an exchange between the Vatican and the Foundation of anomalies best contained by the other organization

Current Status: Undergoing testing at Site-300 Hidden, possibly destroyed by a mutinous faction of researchers at Site-300 to ensure no future uses by the larger SCP Foundation. Interrogation has yet to yield results in the [REDACTED] since this incident occurred, and is ongoing as of writing.

Item Description: A set of stone carvings depicting the generally accepted endstate of all iterations of "r/place", a collaborative digital canvas. Specifically, these iterations originate from 2017, 2022, 2023, 2027, 203█, and ████ CE.

Date of Recovery: 1933-07-25

Location of Recovery: Machu Picchu, Peru

Current Status: Undergoing predictive cultural analysis at Site-67. Notable details in the 2027 iteration include but are not limited to the logo of GoI-1155 "Gamers Against Weed" disguised as a [REDACTED] in partnership with r/anarchychess, a possibly satirical memorial to streamer ██████ "█████"/"████████" █████████ (19██-), and heavy use of the █████ ████████ flag.

Item Description: A skeleton belonging to an unknown animal with two prominent tusks and a single large eye, buried with sixty-four nonanomalous elephant skeletons. Carbon dating suggests an age of roughly 3200 years.

Date of Recovery: 1913-07-25

Location of Recovery: █████ ███████ Cliffs, Ottoman Empire Palestine

Current Status: Held at Site-265 for mythopaleontological research.

Item Description: One female Ursus arctos41 comprised of ink. The specimen still possesses most biological needs, but does not sleep. Instead, it remains perfectly awake between from the spring equinox until the fall equinox, then hibernates until the next equinox with no waking periods.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-25

Location of Recovery: ██████████ National Forest, Kazakhstan

Current Status: Held at Site-25. Breeding efforts are underway.

Item Description: ████████ ██████ (2002-). AO-1187 demonstrates perfect accuracy at guessing locations in GeoGuessr, a location-guessing video game, and zero accuracy at all other games of location detection.

Date of Recovery: 2023-01-25

Location of Recovery: Private residence in Minsk, Belarus

Current Status: Contract created in which ██████ remains outside of direct containment but is monitored at ██████████ ████████ █████████ University, in exchange for [REDACTED]. Additionally, access to GeoGuessr via ███U internet has been disallowed.

Item Description: One six-sided die, carved from bone. Item occasionally yells "Yahtzee!"

Date of Recovery: 2003-07-25

Location of Recovery: Private residence in Bayamón, Puerto Rico, USA

Current Status: Held in a soundproofed object storage locker at Site-71.

Note: As of 2023-07-01, no similar items have been found. Search for (possibly four) similar dice downgraded to a Minimal priority.

Item Description: One cardboard box which is capable of manifesting a female Loxosceles reclusa42 inside of itself which is capable of leaving the box. If the box is opened, the spider demanifests, and a new identical spider manifests back inside of the box in an intact state. This process is instantaneous.

Date of Recovery: 2003-07-25

Location of Recovery: █████ Record Store, Kingston, Jamaica, which formerly served as a front business to a currently unknown group, designated GoI-1878.

Current Status: Held in Size-II Organic Storage at Site-300.

Notes: Currently being held for assessment. Investigation ongoing.

Item Description: One paperback copy of Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James, printed 2012. When ≥150 words are read, the reader will develop deuteranopia43 until they next enter REM sleep. It should be noted that deuteranopia does not prevent the perception of all color, but merely inhibits the ability to differentiate between red and green.

Date of Recovery: 2013-07-25

Location of Recovery: ████ and Sons Bookstore, Vancouver, Washington, USA

Current Status: Held in Storage Rack SR182-A08-24739 at Site-182.

Anomalous Items 1191 - 1200

Item Description: Three copies of a guidebook for tying knots, released via amateur publishing during the 1940's. Knots within ~750 centimeters are unable to be undone via any means other than cutting.

Date of Recovery: 1953-07-25

Location of Recovery: Campsite near Gordon, Alabama, USA

Current Status: Held in Storage Racks SR182-A05-20267 at Site-182.

Note: Due to the quality of the guidebook, most knots described within are likely to unravel within minutes of leaving AO-1191's area(s) of effect.

Item Description: 495 grams of indestructible spider silk, attached to 676 grams of rotten wood.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-25

Location of Recovery: GoI-187844 headquarters in Guyana

Current Status: Undergoing ballistics testing at Site-747.

Item Description: One painting depicting a large tarantula surrounded by eight humans, all facing where an observer would be expected to stand. Viewing this painting results in feeling as though something is crawling on the viewer for 18-36 seconds.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-25

Location of Recovery: GoI-1878 headquarters in Guyana

Current Status: Held in Storage Frame SF035-U16-77437 at Site-35.

Item Description: One sculpture depicting a nude male human kneeling and bending forwards, constructed of anomalously durable spider silk. Akiva radiation levels are abnormally high in its presence.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-25

Location of Recovery: GoI-1878 headquarters in Guyana

Current Status: Held in a Size-VI object storage locker at Site-19.

Item Description: A female Theraphosa blondi45, 340 centimeters in height, deceased from asphyxiation. Akiva radiation levels are abnormally low in its presence.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-25

Location of Recovery: GoI-1878 headquarters in Guyana

Current Status: Held in a Size-VII object storage locker at Site-83.

Item Description: Eight heavily modified chest freezers. All eggs belonging to the family Theraphosidae grow eight times faster when placed inside.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-25

Location of Recovery: GoI-1878 headquarters in Guyana

Current Status: Contents incinerated, items placed in separate Size-VI object storage lockers at Site-949.

Item Description: Birthday candle, bright pink in color. When burning, wax is not consumed. The flame briefly turns green when a lie is spoken within approximately 5 meters. At time of writing, 273 languages have been tested, including 12 which are no longer spoken. All triggered the anomalous effect.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-23

Location of Recovery: Chicago, IL

Current Status: Being tested by Foundation linguists. Approval for testing with anomalous languages pending granted.

Item Description: One rigid inflated deflated balloon measuring at 9.3 on the Mohs hardness scale.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-27

Location of Recovery: Nyungwe Forest National Park, Rwanda

Current Status: Held in a Size-III object storage locker at Site-71.

Item Description: One ██████ brand delivery truck with an attached custom license plate bearing eight emojis. These emojis change daily at local sunrise and will abstractly foretell what events will most greatly affect AO-1199. Upon initial containment, plate read "🤪🔮🚨🚔⬇️🔒🔬📖".

Date of Recovery: 2023-03-13

Location of Recovery: Parking lot in Lobamba, Eswatini

Current Status: Held in CGU095-A07-00338 at Site-95. Efforts to develop a retrochronal communication system using AO-1199 are under way.

Note: Daily viewing of AO-1199 shows its plate to currently read "😴💤🚫💨🚫🔓✔️📖". This note was automatically generated by panopticon.aic. Feedback is encouraged.

Item Description: One parachute, unopened. When this parachute falls ≥10 meters, it teleports upwards 10 meters with momentum preserved. Attached objects remain at their original location.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-27

Location of Recovery: 4 kilometers outside and 3 kilometers above Šibenik, Croatia

Current Status: Undergoing testing at Site-148.

Anomalous Items 1201 - 1210

Item Description: One female Manis culionensis46 which transforms into a nonsapient regulation basketball when threatened. This ball transforms back into a pangolin once successfully forced through a basketball hoop via a "slam dunk".

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-27

Location of Recovery: █████████ Primary School, Culion, the Philippines

Current Status: Held in a low-stress environment in Site-25, with a lowered basketball hoop easily accessible in case of emergencies. Item nicknamed "Autobot" by containment staff.

Item Description: One 3mm aluminium ball bearing which has the metanomalous effect of altering the replication of replicating anomalies. When the ball bearing is placed within the range of replication of an anomaly, the process of replication instead replicates an identical steel ball bearing rather than the intended item.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-28

Location of Recovery: Aluminium Plant ████████, ████████, Montenegro

Current Status: Held in a secure object isolation locker at Site-26.

Item Description: One nuclear warhead which, when activated, detonates at 1/1024th speed, and is guaranteed to produce a mushroom cloud. Barbie (2023) appears projected on the side of this cloud and silently plays with subtitles to completion, at which point the detonation and Barbie proceed in reverse until the pre-detonation state is reached.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-29

Location of Recovery: [REDACTED IN COOPERATION WITH THE US GOVERNMENT DUE TO ONGOING FINANCIAL, SPIRITUAL, AND GEOGRAPHIC AGREEMENTS]

Current Status: Held in a secured bunker beneath Media Containment Area-88.

Item Description: One block of congealed melted plastic exactly 1 kilogram in weight. When touched, the subject is replaced with a plastic doll roughly matching their size and appearance, before returning unharmed three hours later. All subjects report having attended a nonanomalous showing of Oppenheimer (2023) during this time.

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-29

Location of Recovery: [REDACTED IN COOPERATION WITH MATTEL INC. DUE TO COUNCIL OF 108 STATUS]

Current Status: Held in a Size-II object storage locker at Media Containment Area-88.

Item Description: The date ███████-██-██, which can only be written in ISO 8601 format (YYYY-MM-DD).

Date of Recovery: 2023-07-3047

Location of Recovery: ██°██°██°██°██°██°██°, Achronal Isolation Zone, CERN

Current Status: Initial discovery suppressed in cooperation with CERN. Further containment cannot be properly enforced at this time.

Item Description: One wooden pallet incapable of being lowered.

Date of Recovery: 2013-07-30

Location of Recovery: █████████, a warehouse in Potosí, Bolivia

Current Status: Held in Hangar 4 at Area-456 in El Alto, Bolivia. AO-1206's altitude is 4,156 meters as of writing.

Item Description: A cubic sponge with a side length of 10 centimetres. If the sponge comes into contact with any object or organism partially made of water, all water is expelled from the object or organism.

Date of Recovery: 10/15/1992

Location of Recovery: Vittel, France

Current Status: Returned to Nestlé

Item Description: a perfect widdle Care Bear™ that would never ever lie to you! i write super formawwy, i hate to be the center of attention, and i can only lie about being a Care Bear™!

Date of Recovery: 2023 b.c.

Location of Recovery: a food pantry owned by Cadet, Rider, and Light

Current Status: running amok >:3

Item Description: ████ ██████████ (1987-), who has failed all 287 administered psychic, sociokinetic, biological, spiritual, and ontological sapience tests. Despite this, ██████████ appears fully sapient and behaves within all human baselines.

Date of Recovery: 2020-04-20

Location of Recovery: Private residence in Lappeenranta, Finland

Current Status: Held in Low-Level Humanoid Containment at Site-19. Death successfully falsified as of 2020-04-22.

Note: Yes, she acts 100% human. Yes, it appears as though she can hold a complex conversation with you about philosophy or artistic cinema or cafeteria food. No, not a single thought is actually going into a word she says. There is as much of a soul in her as there is in your name badge. Try not to let it freak you out. -Dr. Tesfaye, AO-1209 Research Head

Item Description: 2248 Paratrechina longicornis48 comprised of tungsten which incessantly attempted to enter the ears of ███ ████ (1929-2014), an electrician with no apparent anomalous traits.

Date of Recovery: 1953-07-30

Location of Recovery: Field █ kilometers outside of Puzi, Taiwan

Current Status: All specimens deceased via dehydration as of 1953-08-03. Remains stored in a Size-II object storage locker at Site-783.

Anomalous Items 1211 - 1220

Item Description: One clipping of an early Blondie comic strip which is immune to alterations to reality. As of ████-██-██, this clipping has been rendered wholly unintelligible.

Date of Recovery: Unknown

Location of Recovery: Unknown

Current Status: Held in Extradimensional Site-01.

Item Description: One homemade four-barreled rifle of very poor quality. In addition to a proclivity for jamming, reloading is rendered difficult via a mixture of overly tight hinge mechanisms and the custom bullets developed for the weapon, and the overall weapon weighs 21 kilograms unloaded. Most notably, AO-1212 is invisible to anyone taking mnestic drugs49. This phenomenon is optical, not antimemetic.

Date of Recovery: 2016-03-16

Location of Recovery: Pacific Northwest Region, North America; further information unable to be determined

Current Status: Held in a Size-V object storage locker at Site-82, with ████ accompanying bullets stored in a separate Size-III object storage locker.

Item Description: One Harpadon nehereus50 which upon exploding would be resurrected in perfect health.

Date of Recovery: 1918-03-29

Location of Recovery: 10 kilometers off the coast of Visakhapatnam, India

Current Status: Terminated 1947-12-18 via shrapnel.

Item Description: One 5x20 centimeter solar panel operating at a standard efficiency, comprised entirely of Play-Doh modeling compound.

Date of Recovery: 2011-09-30

Location of Recovery: Sarawak Energy Headquarters, Kuching, Sarawak, Malaysia

Current Status: Held in a Size-IV object storage locker at Site-195.

Item Description: Eight sheets bearing a total of 142 text messages in Mongolian and Chinese. Individuals viewing any of these sheets are incapable of telling the truth.

Date of Recovery: 2018-08-23

Location of Recovery: Private residence in Sanming, China

Current Status: One sheet in containment at Site-35. Seven Five sheets granted to Mobile Task Forces ████-██, ███-█, █████-█, and ███████-██ for use in indirect interrogation. Two sheets currently believed in possession of the Valravn Corporation. Recovery of these sheets has been deemed a Low priority.

Item Description: One baseball cap bearing the logo of the Pittsburgh Pirates. When worn by an individual not legally named "Elijah", the cap will fall off their head in <30 seconds. If the hat is secured to their head, it will teleport to the nearest flat empty surface.

Date of Recovery: 2022-07-18

Location of Recovery: Street vendor in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, USA

Current Status: Held in Apparel Frame SAF060-U22-31209 at Site-60.

Item Description: One plastic toy depicting the character "H.E.R.B.I.E." from The New Fantastic Four (1978). When held by anyone under the age of 16, they will be compelled to self-immolate until they let go. Due to difficulties quickly and easily obtaining the materials for such an act, the item is almost always released before immolation occurs.

Date of Recovery: 1990-01-18

Location of Recovery: ████████, a thrift store in Tadcaster, England

Current Status: Held in a Size-II object storage locker at Site-35. Use against flammable juvenile threats preemptively denied.

Item Description: Two copies of WWF Raw (2002), one of which is moderately damaged. After being played to any extent, the player will view all written instances of "WWE" as "WWF." This occurs until they achieve 100% completion of any other video game.

Date of Recovery: 2023-08-04

Location of Recovery: Private residence of PoI-13591 in Welaka, Florida, USA

Current Status: Undergoing initial testing at Site-151.

Item Description: One console port of WWF WrestleMania: The Arcade Game (1995). All wrestlers appear as stylized versions of their appearance at the time of playing, including attire and accessories. Any match featuring a deceased wrestler causes the system to crash.

Date of Recovery: 2023-08-04

Location of Recovery: Private residence of PoI-13591 in Welaka, Florida, USA

Current Status: Undergoing initial testing at Site-151.

Item Description: One VHS tape depicting a 2008 promotional video where wrestler Scott Steiner engages in a lengthy tirade against enemy wrestler Samoa Joe, with much of the tirade consisting of a series of increasingly inaccurate mathematics. When viewed to any length, the viewer will hold the last stated percentage in the video as their odds of winning their next fight in any licensed WWE video game.

Date of Recovery: 2023-08-04

Location of Recovery: Private residence of PoI-13591 in Welaka, Florida, USA

Current Status: Undergoing testing at Research Site-79 to determine whether SCP status is appropriate.

Note: Upon D-620729 winning his third fight in ███ ███ █████ at 133.3% odds, a Class-III doppelganger of D-620729 manifested and attempted to fight D-620729, before quickly losing and demanifesting. Incident added to SCP evaluation forms. A connection to SCP-6599 is suspected but unconfirmed.

Anomalous Items 1221-1230

Item Description: Two human skulls genetically matched to Saint Anthony of Padua.

Date of Recovery: 198█-██-██

Location of Recovery: Basilica of Saint Anthony of Padua, Italy / Church of Saint Anthony of Lisbon, Spain

Current Status: Secured in place under an agreement with the Catholic Church. Items are to be exhumed and monitored once per decade.

Item Description: One highly worn cotton shirt, permanently illuminated. When indoors, this illumination is by candle. When outdoors, this illumination is by moonlight, regardless of time of day.

Date of Recovery: Between early 1909 and 1918-11-01

Location of Recovery: London Headquarters of His Majesty's Foundation for the Secure Containment of the Paranormal. Item was originally secured by the Right Honourable Commission on Unusual Cargo at a now unknown location in the Indian Ocean.

Current Status: Held in a standard cloth preservation unit at Site-60.

Item Description: A DVD copy of the Turkish film "3 Dev Adam" that perpetually depicts the ending scene where Captain America endlessly battles and defeats an infinite number of clones of the main antagonist, Spider. The film sequence does not progress beyond this scene. Each viewing of the DVD is noticeably different each time.

Date of Recovery: May 24, 2020

Location of Recovery: Bootleg Movie Market, Turkey

Current Status: Kept in a breakroom in Site-25.

Item Description: A 96:1 scale model of an instance of Musca domestica51 constructed entirely from human feces. If deliberately damaged, all M. domestica in a roughly 2400 meter radius will attempt to repair it with additional human feces from available sources.

Date of Recovery: 2002-01-08

Location of Recovery: Jeita Grotto, Lebanon

Current Status: Held in Dimensional Site-62 due to the site's highly effective quarantine measures. Efforts to determine the sources of the statue's composition have been suspended due to a lack of significant results.

Item Description: One Abies balsamea52. Inserted Cucumis sativus53 are instantly and permanently lost, and attached tracking devices fail to provide a signal while inside.

Date of Recovery: 1989-12-25

Location of Recovery: Private residence in Dummer, New Hampshire, USA

Current Status: Held at Site-86. Disposal of any dangerous cucumbral anomalies via the tree has been approved, should such a situation ever arise.

Item Description: One uneaten cake. Anyone viewing the object is compelled to instead eat a salad.

Date of Recovery: 2023-08-07

Location of Recovery: Private residence in Hamchang, North Gyeongsang, South Korea

Current Status: Held in refrigerated containment at Site-206.

Item Description: An intelligent mass of lint currently weighing 50 100 200 grams an unknown amount. Item gains additional mass by rolling on top of other lint and incorporating the material into its body. Despite a lack of visual/auditory sensory organs, the mass is capable of detecting its surroundings and will attempt to avoid human detection.

Date of Recovery: 1976-09-16

Location of Recovery: A park in Rokunohe, Aomori Prefecture, Japan

Current Status: In containment at Site-73 At an unknown location in Site-73's basements. Last sighted 2008-08-14 in Warehouse A3, Sub-Basement 2E, leaving Laundry Storage Hold 012. Estimated mass 4000-5000 grams.

Item Description: An unknowable amount of glass figurines depicting mythical beings/animals. All counting systems fail when exposed to any instance.

Date of Recovery: 1978-04-28

Location of Recovery: Private residence in Brno, Czechia

Current Status: Held in a Size-V object storage locker at Site-73.

Item Description: Two well taxidermied Tyrannosaurus rex. Death likely occurred 1-5 years prior to containment.

Date of Recovery: 1994-10-09

Location of Recovery: Marshall, Carter, & Dark auction in Lagos, Nigeria. Accompanying documentation destroyed in ensuing scuffle.

Current Status: On display in Site-25's Prehistory Wing. Surviving genetic material added to the Foundation's MGCR/E154.

Item Description: One katana. When wielded by any person not of Japanese descent, all individuals of a lower net worth will perceive the wielder as having complete mastery of the weapon regardless of actual skill.

Date of Recovery: 1994-10-09

Location of Recovery: Marshall, Carter, & Dark auction in Lagos, Nigeria. Accompanying documentation suggests it was previously held by the IJAMEA after it was recovered from an American colonel in the winter of 1944-45.

Current Status: Held in a Size-III blade storage unit at Site-300.

Anomalous Items 1231-1240

Item Description: 317 305 grams of powdered cocaine. When snorted in any quantity, the user will perceive all solid objects as being composed of reflective diamonds until they next lose consciousness or all cocaine has left their system.

Date of Recovery: 1994-10-09

Location of Recovery: Marshall, Carter, & Dark auction in Lagos, Nigeria. Accompanying documentation suggests preparation in a no longer extant Caribbean nation known as "West Petionia".

Current Status: Held in powder storage box SPU024-A01-02653 at Site-24's Pharmacology Lab.

Item Description: One female Sus domesticus55 capable of psychically locating foodstuffs which perceives all/only carbon-based materials. This allows for AO-1232 to see certain (typically organic) materials through solid objects such as dirt and most artificial structures.

Date of Recovery: 2023-06-04

Location of Recovery: Farm near Vulcănești, Moldova

Current Status: While attempts were made to train AO-1232, dubbed "X-Ray" by its handlers, for use in the location of carbon-based anomalies, this failed due to its aggressive friendliness and lethargy. Instead, it has been placed in containment with other porcine anomalies at Site-25.

Item Description: One functional Vivo Y15 smartphone with a damaged screen. Any incoming calls made by an individual who identifies with the name "Hassana" are marked as spam, regardless of the device they use.

Date of Recovery: 2020-10-01

Location of Recovery: Technical support business in Obalende, Lagos, Nigeria

Current Status: Held in a Size-II object storage locker at Site-99.

Item Description: One white and green sundress with a floral pattern. The current wearer will be unanimously perceived as 160 cm in height.

Date of Recovery: 2009-03-09

Location of Recovery: Hotel in Wuntho, Myanmar

Current Status: Held in Apparel Frame SAF060-U16-74678

Item Description: Three tin cans that cause instant sobriety in any animal that drinks from one.

Date of Recovery: 1981-06-13

Location of Recovery: 6 kilometers outside of Houma, Shanxi province, China

Current Status: Held in a Size-IV object storage locker at Site-206.

Item Description: One potted Graptopetalum paraguayense56. All transgender/nonbinary individuals who view this item for the first time will wait several seconds then remark that it "kinda' gives me enby vibes, ya' know?" Whether this statement holds merit is still unknown.

Date of Recovery: 2016-11-09

Location of Recovery: Private residence in St. Paul, Minnesota, USA

Current Status: Held in Site-35's primary greenhouse.

Item Description: One arm cast 20 meters in length, bent in such a way that it resembles a sine wave. When an extremity is inserted into the cast, the attached person will hear a juvenile male voice repeatedly saying either "Oh, God" or "arms don't bend like that". No DNA has been left on or in the cast.

Date of Recovery: 1997-08-08

Location of Recovery: Beneath the former █████ ███████ City Pool, █████ ███████, Nebraska, USA

Current Status: Held in Warehouse A4 above storage shelves X303 through X316 at Site-19.

Item Description: One unlabeled VHS tape. Between 46:50 and 50:19 on the tape, the assassination of Gaius Julius Caesar on March 15th, 44 BCE is shown. The recording is taken from behind a pillar roughly 15 meters away, and is of amateur quality with frequent shaking and purposeless zooming. Of note is that Foundation chrononauts have confirmed beyond all reasonable doubt that no individuals or recording devices exist behind that pillar during the relevant period.

Date of Recovery: 2000-06-24

Location of Recovery: Public library in Ondokuzmayıs, Samsun Province, Türkiye

Current Status: Digitized and held at Media Containment Area-88.

Item Description: One metal stepladder which is universally considered untrustworthy. The reason for this suspicion varies amidst all individuals aware of its existence.

Date of Recovery: 1975-02-18

Location of Recovery: Hardware store in Umuahia, Abia state, Nigeria

Current Status: Held in a Size-IV object storage locker at Site-54.

Note(s): "I know it's standard coghaz, but I can't help but feel it's plotting something. Has anyone seen anything unusual while climbing something lately?" - AO-1239 Research Head S. Ibrahim

"Sorry doctor, but you're barking up the wrong tree. The ladder's clearly a distraction from an even deeper, more insidious plot lurking right under our noses…" - Security Officer J. Grant

"You're all wrong. It's not even a stepladder. It's actually an eldritch abomination, only able to avoid shattering our feeble minds by taking the form of something so mindnumbingly mundane that we simply must accept it!" - Memeticist A. Okafor

"I think it's missing a screw." - Dr. Blackstone

Item Description: One oak door and door frame. When an individual places their dominant hand on the door and intensely concentrates on a specific location, the door will glow vibrantly in that location's assigned color57. No other effects occur.

Date of Recovery: 1952-07-16

Location of Recovery: Hong Kong, China

Current Status: Held in a Size-V object storage locker at Site-120.

Anomalous Items 1241-1250

Item Description: Four watermelons. Perceived by any viewer as if they are perfect cubes with sharp edges and corners. Physical contact with them contradicts this, as they have rounded corners when touched. Do not appear to rot.

Date of Recovery: 2022-09-20

Location of Recovery: Tokyo, Japan

Current Status: One destroyed for testing and subsequent consumption, remaining three in storage at Site-27.

Item Description: One T-shirt, adult size medium, printed with an image of an armored knight holding a shield in a defensive position, facing the viewer. Anyone wearing the shirt suffers a cognitohazardous effect causing feelings of invulnerability, often claiming the knight will protect them. The item grants no defensive properties and the effect is purely cognitohazardous.

Date of Recovery: 2023-08-01

Location of Recovery: A thrift store in Dayton, OH

Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: An electric floor fan that, when powered and set to its "medium speed" setting, does not alter any vocalisations that are directed towards it. Digital recordings of these vocalisations however emit the expected rapid changes in sound frequency commonly observed in non-anomalous fans58. Further testing reveals that the movement of local air particles is consistent with established principles of acoustics, implying that the anomalous effects can only be perceived by individuals within earshot to the audio source.

Date of Recovery: 2015-08-06

Location of Recovery: A disused commerical building in London, United Kingdom

Current Status: Held in a standard Size-IV object storage locker at Site-12 Central Facility Storage sector.

Item Description: One flannel men's jacket whose pockets' contents are inscrutable. Part of these contents can be removed, but some of these contents will inevitably be left behind.

Date of Recovery: 2017-10-03

Location of Recovery: Ulm Hauptbahnhof, Ulm, Baden-Württemberg, Germany

Current Status: Held in Apparel Frame SAF060-U23-81218 at Site-60.

Note(s): Detritus linked to AO-1244 has recently leaked through or fallen out of the item and is now stuck to its apparel storage frame. Transfer to higher-security containment pending approval.

Item Description: One female Mesocricetus auratus59 possessing full regenerative & resurrective immortality. Item incessantly attempts to self-terminate via the most easily accessible method of death it has not yet experienced, and does not engage in any normal and generally necessary behavior such as eating, drinking, sleeping, exercising, or mating.

Date of Recovery: 1988-11-15

Location of Recovery: Butcher's shop in Tartus, Tartus Governorate, Syria

Current Status: Held in a Size-II object storage locker at Site-19. Because of this, AO-1245 spends all its time gnawing at the lining of its locker or resurrecting from death by starvation. As of 2021-07-01, it has created a hole with a depth of 2 mm in a 50 mm thick panel. Replacement deemed unnecessary.

Item Description: One niqab which causes the most recent wearer to perceive the world as being in late evening. If this ability is used at night or in any area not illuminated from the west, it can be used to see items that would be otherwise obscured.

Date of Recovery: 2005-04-25

Location of Recovery: [REDACTED], Medan, North Sumatra, Indonesia

Current Status: Held at Site-60.

Item Description: One 1998 Toyota Sienna in which all actions which would be categorized otherwise are intuitively understood to be heteroromantic or heterosexual in nature.

Date of Recovery: 2006-10-24

Location of Recovery: ████████ Hotel parking lot, █████████, Chicago, Illinois, USA

Current Status: Held in parking unit CGU095-A08-00633 at Site-95.

Item Description: One spotlight which causes all humans illuminated by it to quickly develop laryngitis. This effect lasts for twice as long as the individual was illuminated.

Date of Recovery: 1996-04-12

Location of Recovery: ██████ █. ███████ High School, ██████, California, USA

Current Status: Held in a Size-V object storage locker at Site-73.

Item Description: Recording of an early version of the 1984 Uzbekfilm animated production There Will Come Soft Rains. The integral smart house of the film appears closely modeled after the viewer's childhood residence.

Date of Recovery: 2017-01-06

Location of Recovery: Private residence in Tashkent, Uzbekistan

Current Status: Held at Media Containment Area-88.

Item Description: One stop sign written in Gujarati. Cell service fails to work within 1250 centimeters of the object.

Date of Recovery: 2023-08-16

Location of Recovery: 5 kilometers outside Jamnagar, Gujarat, India

Current Status: Held in Exclusion Zone Theta (EZΘ) below Site-86.

Footnotes

1. Sic

2. The anomalous effect are not considered harmful, and therefore the tape is allowed to be viewed.

3. Groundhog

4. paranormal metallic alloy

5. Agent Kirkwall has been severely reprimanded for inserting an unknown device into Foundation computer.

6. A species of moth native to Bolivia and Ecuardor.

7. A new generation is defined as starting when a new region and set of Pokémon is introduced. Generation V started with the release of Pokémon Black and White. Of note is the fact that the Therian forme of Landorus was not available until the release of Pokémon Black 2 and White 2.

8. A ruleset defined by Smogon, an unofficial organization for competitive Pokémon.

9. The title is a series of pictographs depicting various industrial machinery.

10. exactly 1 inch

11. Wild goat

12. Rubik's Cube

13. Turns Per Second

14. Rubik's Cube solving method

15. Flower

16. FINALLY!

17. Due to the poor architecture of the site's base ventilation system and the (de)generative properties of this anomaly, recovery has been deemed a Low priority

18. Grevy's Zebra

19. Whether this applies to other species is unknown due to a lack of research in veterinary amnestic treatment

20. Cockroaches

21. The control of which was relinquished by ████ on 2009-02-09 in accordance with the Franklinite Coven

22. [REDACTED]

23. Now Mozambique

24. Green chiton

25. Short-beaked echidna

26. Gympie-gympie

27. African mole cricket

28. Banana

29. Slavonic word meaning "Devil" or "Black God"

30. a Spainish association football league

31. Mythical American mammal resembling a jackrabbit with the antlers of a deer

32. Mythical German creature with features from various forest creatures, often including rabbits

33. SCP Foundation Union for Security and Enforcement Personnel

34. Emperor penguin

35. East Sapient Vehicle Driving Range

36. Blue gum tree

37. Koala

38. Watermelon

39. Common parakeet

40. 6.6 times 10-7 meters

41. Brown bear

42. Brown recluse spider

43. A form of red-green colorblindness

44. Named "We Who Tend the Web" in English

45. Goliath birdeater

46. Philippine pangolin

47. More accurately, the date AO-1205's discovery first appears in the timeline.

48. Longhorn crazy ant

49. Drugs that aid in perception and recall, especially of anomalous entities, items, and phenomena

50. Bombay duck

51. Housefly

52. Balsam fir tree

53. Cucumber

54. Master Genetic Code Repository / lineage: Earth-1

55. Pig

56. Ghost plant

57. For example, selecting Tokyo will cause the door to glow a dark crimson, while Delhi will prompt a forest green.

58. A phenomenon in which the position of the fan's rotating blades cause variations in the intensity of reflected sound waves, resulting in choppy, "robotic" sounding speech.

59. Golden hamster