CONFISCATED DOCUMENT 941-B - SCP Foundation

Document 941-B was located in the men's lavatory at Site ██ June 3, ████. Despite an authorized review by the on-site forensic department, there are as of yet no clues as to who is responsible for publishing Document 941-B. Even though much of the information within Document 941-B has been proven false after lengthy investigations, such periodicals are not repeat not permitted under the employee contract.

ALL periodicals must be submitted to and approved by at least two Level 3 administrators and must be printed using supplied on-site equipment.

Note from O5-█:

Even though we have yet to find any further items related to Document 941-B, we must still be on the lookout for possible attempts to distribute items like these. They only serve to undermine the established authority and can possibly have negative effects on the disposition of researchers.

Note:

WHO THE HELL IS PRINT ABOUT MY SEX LIFE

SON OF THE BITCH

I HAVE YOUR HEAD ASS FOR THIS YOU SON OF A BITCHES

-D. Strelnikov

With respect, Captain, none of this can possibly contain information the whole site wasn't aware of before.

-Dr. Light

For the record, you totally traded down.

-Agent Yoric

Hey man, how come this one even has some Javanese date and matchmaking articles? It even has prediction dates for some of our personnel… Let's see… Iceberg, Kliwon Friday ██th ████████, ████… 'Be careful, watch for the flying money hidden dump' …I seriously can't decipher this one.

-Agent Carriontrooper

MOVE ALONG NOW, NOTHING TO SEE HERE, PEOPLE.

IN PARTICULAR, PAGE SIXTEEN IS TO BE TREATED AS, ahem, A CLASS- uh, TWELVE MEMETIC HAZARD.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION.

-Dr. Klein

I am not a Monkey.

-Dr. Bright

On the upside, the extra advertisement from the ban should sell enough to cover printing cos- er, nevermind. How do I make it erase that?

-Agent Yoric

It all really depends on your definition of Doctor, I suppose. I refuse to comment beyond that.

-Lurker

So THAT is what happened to that poor, poor pony.

-Dr. Ziegler

Damn. I expected an article about Strelnikov's beak wetting habits, but I didn't expect close-up pictures…

-Dr. Kald

I think I was at that wedding.

-Agent Nicholakis

I was at 914 and Gears' counselling session. It was the most uninteresting thing ever.

-Agent Spoon

Whoever came up with "Dear Able: Advice for the Lovelorn": that was funny as hell, and it was nice knowing you.

-Dr. Lambert

Everything on page 16 is FALSE. FALSEFALSEFALSE. And I swear I'm going to hurt someone the next time I hear the word "Necrololi".

~Dr. Trebuchet

Regarding the article on page 24 about my botched attempt to get 050… The pictures about the "Sushi-Inator" are just photoshops of 914 with inari-sushi filling! I wasn't even near 914 that day, so shut up about trying to get pictures of Josie wrapped in seaweed! IT NEVER HAPPENED!

-Dr. Okagawa

That Pisces horoscope regarding 999 is just downright disturbing.

-Dr. Armstrong

Jesus Strelnikov, I had to turn those pictures upside down twice before I realised what they were showing.

- Dr. Aeish

Who the fuck approved a 231-7 paternity test?

-Dr. Stoeckle

I see that nobody else slipped the Internal Communications staff a fifty to keep their mouths shut.

-Clef