The Dragon and the Pesterbot - SCP Foundation

682 vs 1370 in the battle of the ages. Who will win?

The wall cracked with the first impact. With the second, an enormous lizard burst through it, sending a glass display case flying as it shrugged off the copper jacketed lead that impacted its back. Almost negligently it turned around and spat acid at the last of the team desperately trying - and failing - to contain it. They were no threat.

A tinny, high-pitched voice rang out in the room. "Who dares to disturb the Prime Minister Sinister? I shall rip your eyes from their sockets and force you to eat them!"

The lizard turned its attention from the rapidly melting humans towards the new voice, perplexed. "What?"

"You do not know the fury you have unleashed! RoboLord the Destructor will end you!"

The lizard looked down to see where the voice was coming from. It was an…odd assortment of parts that looked vaguely humanoid. It seemed to be attempting to pick itself up off the floor. "What are you? You're not one of the disgusting flesh bags."

"Do not think to insult Patheticon the Garglemost, creature!" The odd little robot finally got to its feet and shook a wrench-fist at it. "I shall rip you limb from limb! None can stand before the might of The Destructinator!"

"You are…annoying." Almost without thought the lizard lazily brought its claw down on the irritating little thing, intent on crushing it. At the last moment the little robot lost its balance awkwardly toppled over backwards and rolled up against the wall. The bit of clumsiness had spared it from the reptile's negligent strike.

"You see! You can not harm the Invincinator! None can defeat me!"

The lizard tilted its head to the side, oddly amused by the pathetic little thing. It took just a moment to indulge in the novelty of the experience as the creature teetered up to its claw and latched on with one of its ridiculous appendages.

"Now I have you! Dismembernator shall now tear you to shreds!"

"You do realize…you are…weak…pathetic" The reptilian lifted his claw to get a closer look at the little thing that was hanging onto it as the little automaton strained with all its strength - in vain - attempting to harm it.

"Lies and slander! The Mayor of Mayhem is the most powerful being in existence!" The little robot hung from the lizard's claw for a moment before its grip gave out and it fell, tumbling to the floor and rolling till it it was upside down.

"So, you want to fight dirty, do you? Castratinor can play at that game too!"

The lizard had tired of this thing. It was no longer amusing, just irritating. It raised its claw to strike the thing down in earnest, not settling for a lazy, negligent strike that could miss. At that moment it was struck by a volley of rockets, a half dozen simultaneous explosions reducing it to a lump of misshapen flesh.

Behind it the backup containment team that had stealthily crept up while it was distracted by the hostile robot lowered their shoulder mounted rocket launchers.

"You see! Doom-Master Thirteen Seventy Master Of All Doom has destroyed you!"

"Alright, let's get ugly here back to containment. I want it in that acid bath yesterday. Don't give it a chance to regenerate. Thompson, take Pesterbot here to storage closet 8F till the eggheads figure out something better to do with it."

"Dildotron shall destroy you too!"

"Dildotron? Oh, for fuck's sake. Who taught it that one?"