I'm sorry. - SCP Foundation

I think I saw my grandma for the last time yesterday.

It only took a few clicks and keypresses, and there she stood up on that stage. Pink boa wrapped around her shoulders softly. Her smile pierced through the smoke filled banjo club. Her eyes shined. A beacon of hope, love, and care hidden behind the rough air. No one could have missed her. The whole room enchanted by her voice. Oh, her voice.

It sounds so clear in my mind, nestled in, never to leave again. An old soul trapped in a young man’s mind, whisperings of conversations, I had long since forgotten. Songs that now went unsung. Though, I’d close my eyes and she’d disappear, her voice remained. A reminder of days when I could still hear her, days where we were there.

Now, as time passes, so too does my memory fade. An ethereal bond, broken by the need to keep marching forward. I may hold myself still, but the world walks on. Dragging me further and further. No point in struggling, my nails shred as I tear them into the concrete, begging for a pause. A moment of knowing none will pass by. A moment of knowing, she won’t pass me by.

As her image became foggy, her voice too fades. My memories abandon me. Her soul ripped out. Now alone in a void, which she had guided me through. I’ll have to keep looking, I’ll have to keep fighting. I swear, I saw her yesterday. And yet, I’ve lost her.

Those few clicks turn into restless nights, those keypresses turn into an endless hunt. A hunt for nothing yields nothing.

You last saw her years ago. You weren’t there. You stayed away. Living without her. You left her. In her darkest moment, you turned your back and let her embrace it all.

YOU LEFT

I didn’t leave. I couldn’t leave. I was trapped. Chained on the ground I was born. Too weak to free myself from the shackles that bound me here. Everyone knew I was here, and here they thought I belonged. I longed for more. I longed to see her again. I longed for what I couldn’t have. She may have faced it all, but I hardly turned my back when my eyes were blind. Invisible streams passed me by. Her image now gone.

You are weak. You were weak. You have nothing. You are alone. You will always be alone. You lost her. You missed her.

YOU LEFT

My feet had sunk. My mind drew blank. The world swept me up, yet washed her ashore. Now she grows roots. The world grows around her. Yet I grow with the world. Spirit left long ago. Abandoned by the will for more.

You weren’t there. She called for you. You weren’t there. She sought your face. You weren’t there. The bell rang for her. Yet, you didn’t answer.

YOU LEFT

The stage was gone, my eyes grew tired. My head dropped, my fingers gave way. My mind was blank.

I laid there. Peering up at the screen. A white page. Blank, turning gray, turning black. I’d never see her smile. I’d never hear her voice. I’d never be there. I’d never see you again. And I hate myself for it.

I saw you for the last time.

I left.

I’m sorry.