Nature?! - SCP Foundation

Entry Agent Kraut.

Kraut: Good evening, O5-1.

O5-1: Likewise, my dearest Kraut. I suspect you'd like to present your progress for our sixth annual Site-19 Gala?

Kraut: My good O5-1, you read me like an open book I say.

Cheerful laughter from both.

O5-1: To be honest, I was quite skeptical the first time O5-6 proposed this kind of - how do you say - frivolous event. Quite skeptical indeed.

Kraut: Well, who was not, I ask? Such foolishness and debauchery at Site-19, who has ever heard of something like that?

Both nod in agreement.

O5-1: Let us not waste any more time, then. As Jones says, time is money after all.

Kraut: Oh she does say that a lot indeed, Sir.

O5-1: (Eagerly) Then show me what you got this time, my friend.

Kraut: (Nervously) Well… before I start, Sir, I - I must say I was a little… taken aback when I heard the theme for this year's gala.

O5-1: Quite unusual, yes.

Kraut: Especially compared to last year, Mystery was such an easy topic to work with, I say.

O5-1: Very fitting, wasn't it?

Kraut: Remember the Cluedo-round? The hidden presents?

O5-1: (Giggling) I remember Gear's winning strike.

Kraut: Jesus, yes, that was quite something, wasn't it, I say… so, I tried my best, as usual.

O5-1: I expect nothing less from you.

Kraut: And - well, I think it… I say I'm pretty sure it will be quite the blast, I say.

O5-1: (Jokingly) But no Pin the tail on the donkey, I hope?

Kraut: Of course… pin - pin the tail on the "donkey"?

O5-1: Just because this year's theme is "Nature" doesn't mean we have to behave like animals.

Kraut: (Puzzled) Yes, I'd say - excuse me, nature?

O5-1: Nature, yes.

Kraut: (Increasingly puzzled) Like… like nature - nature?

O5-1: Yes, Kraut, "Nature", this year's theme. You know that, right?

Kraut: I - nature, I - I mean, I…

O5-1: Kraut?

Kraut: (Agitated) I, er… I say there - there might have been a - a little… error, sir, I say… maybe.

O5-1: Error? What do you mean, error?

Kraut: … well, I must say, sir, I think I - I may have gotten some…

O5-1: (Sternly) What is it, Kraut?

Kraut: There - there appears to have been a - a m-minor misspelling, you see, I - I thought that…

O5-1: (Incredulously) Surely, you do not want to tell me that you spent the last two months preparing the wrong theme party for our grand Gala next week?

Kraut: Well, I - I say, I must say I… in retrospect I must admit that…

O5-1: (Apalled) Kraut?!

Kraut: You see, I - I thought that - that this year's theme was - well, that it was… Mature, sir.

O5-1: (Furiously) M-mature? MATURE?!

Kraut: That is the info I - I have gotten, and…

O5-1: A mature theme party?! What - whatever let you thought - !

Kraut: Sir, I -

O5-1: (Shocked to his very core) That - that we would ever host something - some smut like this! Kraut, if this is a joke, I hope -

Kraut: Well, I - we already - we planned for a, well - a mature… theme… party.

O5-1: You did not!

Kraut: (Struggling for helpful words) Hmmhmm.

O5-1: (Apalled) Oh Lord!

Kraut: But - but we were… I say, maybe it - it is not that bad…?

O5-1: A mature party? At Site-19?! You must have lost your goddamn mind, Kraut! Your goddamn mind!

Kraut: Well, a lot of the people we - we asked seemed to be very… excited about - about this year's -

O5-1: Asked? Who did you ask?! Jesus Christ, how many know of this embarrassment?

Kraut: (Mumbling) Just - just a few - a few dozen… research groups, sir… like - like Site-43 and -

O5-1: Oh god! Show me your documents!

Kraut: (Backing off) No, sir, I - I wouldn't look at them, if I were -

O5-1 snatches Kraut's papers from her hands.

O5-1: (Shocked beyond belief) Egads, what is that?

Kraut: Doctor - Doctor Snidman's dance group, sir.

O5-1: (Incredulously) Snidman? SNIDMAN?! You organized Snidman's dance group for our annual Site-19 Gala?!

Kraut: No, no I - I mean he offered his partac - parte - participation, sir, and - and I thought this kind of - of genre would be fitting for - for the theme, sir… I say.

O5-1: Kraut! This - this is scandalous! Outrageous! Unprecedented!

Kraut: … maybe it - it is a little…

O5-1: When the other departments - no, I don't want to think about this. Scrap all of that, Kraut, scrap it all!

Kraut: Scrap it - but sir, but I - I say, it is only one week, sir.

O5-1: (Bellowing) SCRAP IT!

Kraut: Yes, yes, of course - everything, sir, you can count on me, I -

O5-1: Then what are you still waiting for! GO!

Kraut: (Running out of the office) Oh god oh god oh god…

Exit Agent Kraut.

Will poor Agent Kraut manage to finalize a new plan for the grand Site-19 Gala?

Let us hope she does her very best.