That'll Do Pig. That'll Do. - SCP Foundation

My intro piece of The Gulf's canon collaboration. Thanks to Thekillerax for helping me work out a couple of kinks in this in chat.

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F.A.Q.

Doctor Foster fiddled with his name tag. He'd always hated that picture. He paused for just for a moment to look down and frown at himself before he kept walking down the hall. Site-88 was coming up on rotation to retake their photos in December. Just in time for the Christmas party.

He hated the Christmas party. Secret Santa always resulted in hard feelings. You'd think a clandestine organization would do a better job of protecting anonymity. Priorities, he thought.

He stopped again. This was the right room. He'd read the skip description and he'd kept a straight face through all of it. He could be professional. But a talking pig? And a criminal kingpin that went by the name "Boss Hog"? This was going to stretch his capacity to the limit.

He opened the door and the pig was already in the other room. A glass partition separated the two of them, and Foster walked over to his seat and sat down. SCP-4613 had already taken notice of him, and walked over to the microphone.

"Aww hell. Who the fuck are you?" it said. Somehow. Foster wrote a note that its speech didn't align with its lips when it spoke.

"Hello SCP-4613. I'm Doctor Foster." Foster knew that looking at the pig was going make it harder to keep a straight face, so he kept his nose down and took more notes.

"Well ain't you a proper gentlemen. You oughta know right now I ain't sly." The pig stayed near the microphone, and sat down as well.

"Uh. That's perfectly alright. I'm just here to interview you."

"Oh for gods sake," The pig took a moment and raised it's snout into the air, but not towards Foster "Sorry. I guess I can chew the fat for a bit if you can forgive me losing my religion. My back hurts something fierce and I already talked to one of them other doctors for a bit,"

"That's fine. I can't help but notice that you appear as a pig." Foster shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Can you tell me why that is?"

"Whooooo. You ain't got the time for that story. I'm a… what you call it… collective unconsciousness of pigs." The pig finally took a moment to look in Foster's direction, "At first I's floating, growing in power while y'all killed my kind by the millions, and this one porker just happened to be in the right place at the right time."

"So then, is your eventual goal is to stop the suffering of pigs in the world?" Foster leaned slightly forward.

"How the hell you figure that?" The pig let out what sounded like a completely human laugh before continuing. "The longer and more them pigs suffer the more powerful I get."

Foster leaned back again, checked a box on his clipboard and asked another question, "Have you been in contact with any other entities like yourself?"

"No. But I know they're out there. There's probably some Planet of the Apes monkey shit going on right now."

"And can you explain why you decided to become a criminal? It seems like it would bring an unnecessary amount of scrutiny on you." As he finished the question he heard a snort. This one sounded more animalistic. And derisive.

"Y'all ever try to get a job when you're a pig? My old owner was just fine with having a talking pig and he wasn't exactly dumb hisself. So's I come up with the plan to go into business. I'd tell him what to do and he'd act like it's all his idea."

The pig had barely finished his sentence when a low rumbling in the distance began to build. Foster had just enough time to put his clipboard over his head before the left wall crashed down, and the lights flickered twice before going out. The dust from the wall began to fill his nostrils, and he leaned forward to cough.

Foster waited for the emergency lights but after a few seconds he realized they weren't coming on. Whatever knocked down that wall must've damaged the whole system. He could hear the emergency PA system alert faintly in the distance, "Containment Breach in Sector Seven. Please find your designated safe zones,"

That would be a lot easier if the fucking lights would come on. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. No signal, but a little light. He shined it in front of him and saw that the glass partition was broken. At that moment he heard the pig's voice behind him.

"Well. I guess that's all folks."

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