Free Consultation - SCP Foundation

DarkEnergy MobileOS 3.1

Ms Dark, you have a new text message from:

1-800-iam-dado

hello is this the lady darkness that makes the excellent anomatronics?

Warning: Memetic Hazard Detected!

You may address me as Ms. Dark, and I really hope you're not who I think you are.

this is dado, owner of very fine dado businesses, txting u 2 discuss very fine dado business opportunity.

Warning: Memetic Hazard Detected!

Number Blocked

sry we get disconnect. hamster like to play on keyboard.

Warning: Memetic Hazard Detected!

Alright, now you have my attention. How the hell did you overide my block?

hamster very good with computers. type 222 word per minute on speak n spell.

Warning: Memetic Hazard Detected!

u want 2 hear dado/mick'd big business partnership idea?

Warning: Memetic Hazard Detected!

No, I want to know how the bloody hell you got past my number block.

I wrote this operating system and software myself, using thaumic glyphs from the Chaos Tongue. Glyphs that ordinary mortals aren't even supposed to view, let alone hack, without going insane, so tell me right now how you did it.

u read about how tiny nuggets of gold and the shiny metals in peoples poop r being flushed down the toilet and go to waste with the waste?

Warning: Memetic Hazard Detected!

dado think y not make toilet bowl gadget that strains the gold from the poop and makes you a golden pooper and u become a profit pooper like the hen that lays the golden egg but with poop and also it should make toilet smell nice yes?

Warning: Memetic Hazard Detected!

Number Added to Blacklist

u think ur rich people would like dado golden pooper box?

Warning: Memetic Hazard Detected!

also sry, dado type slow, no like hamster. y u no trust dado?

Warning: Memetic Hazard Detected!

You're hacking my phone!

no, dado no can hack. uppercase key broken.

Warning: Memetic Hazard Detected!

'uppercase key broken'?

And you expect me to believe that an individual with the resources to launch as many business enterprises as yourself cannot replace a keyboard?

dado very strict budgeter. no budget for new keyboard. prometheus labs had same policy.

Warning: Memetic Hazard Detected!

You're insulting my intelligence. You realize that, right?

no dado think the lady darkness is very smart. that why dado come 2 lady darkness with gold poop box idea.

Warning: Memetic Hazard Detected!

And now you're disrepecting me by not addressing me by the name I told you to earlier.

My time is extremely valuable, I don't make business deals by text messages, this doesn't even sound like my department, and it's a horrible idea!

Do not waste anymore of my time, or there will be consequences.

no please, it no have 2 be golden pooper box but dado is on hard times, yes? dado borger and france fry closed because of the not seagulls eating all the france frys and dado go with dado singing the latest pop hits was closed by corporate sabotage of jeff bezos.

Warning: Memetic Hazard Detected!

it been tough week for dado, but 2gether we can make a dado business that make us both lot of $ and dado will be back on top. u trust dado.

Warning: Memetic Hazard Detected!

Trust you? Are you aware that my anti-malware is flagging every text you're sending me as a memetic hazard?

oh dado love the meme, specially the challenge accepted meme. that dado motto meme.

Warning: Memetic Hazard Detected!

Dado, I don't trust you. I don't believe your keyboard's broken. I don't believe your hamster's on the keyboard or whatever other excuse you expect me to swallow. I think you're fully aware that everything you say and type has anomalous memetic properties and that all your businesses are actually just a front so that you have a platform to spread your memetics as much as possible.

no, this is not truthiness. dado business everything 2 dado. dado have humble origins, lowly pharmacist at walgreens until dado bitten by radioactive pill bug that give dado pill bug powers to make the magic pills and transcend spacetime and curl into tiny ball like hamster.

Warning: Memetic Hazard Detected!

Bollocks. Bloody horse's bollocks.

and dado make many money with the magic pills and because dado is fine capitalist just like the marshalls of nick carter in the dark dado reinvest money into many new businesses. dado diversify into many fields, but not anomalaundry because business is too much racket. but new businesses not do so hot, and then the birds came and now dado's empire burns like russel crow in gladiator and dado will not fiddle like walking phoenix. dado want to put out fires and save empire.

Warning: Memetic Hazard Detected!

how can dado save dado empire?

Warning: Memetic Hazard Detected!

I've swapped the sim cards on my phone and gone into my Faraday room, and somehow you're still texting. Congratulations, you've managed to rattle me. Not a lot of people can do that.

I'd rather this not escalate any further. If I give you advice will you stop spamming my phone with memetic agents?

yes dado promise on hamster's life.

Warning: Memetic Hazard Detected!

You said it yourself that your parapharmaceuticals sold well. All your financial problems started when you tried diversifying into a dozen different markets. We kept tabs on you, and your products were amazing, at least from a technical perspective. You need to work on client communication a fair bit though.

Stick to your strengths. Sell off any remaining non-parapharmaceutical assets you still have and reinvest them in parapharma. Grow that business and that business alone, until you are Big parapharma. Don't get distracted running tanning salons and laundromats.

what about dado spaceship rental and plutonium recycling center?

Warning: Memetic Hazard Detected!

Yes, all of it.

lady darkness is right. dado has lost dado's way. dado is pharma bro, and must get back 2 pharma broing. dado go 2 udderly bazzar and open dado's old fashioned apothecary and barber shop quartet, but barbers are barber surgeons so they still fit vision.

Warning: Memetic Hazard Detected!

will martian, cottage and grimdark buy from new dado business? dado need big customer.

Warning: Memetic Hazard Detected!

If you can stop insulting me with bollocks, getting my name and my company's name wrong, actually make what your clients order and most importantly stop infecting my phone with memetics, then possibly. A decent parapharmacologist is hard to find.

***

Thank you, Ms. Dark.

🤨

Number Unblocked, Removed from Blacklist