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FWD: Keeping Your Children Safe this Christmas North of 40 Degrees

From: Dr. Amelia Buck <pics.tenpics|kcuba#pics.tenpics|kcuba>

To: Dr. Anne Worcester <pics.tenpics|2retsecrowa#pics.tenpics|2retsecrowa>

I can't believe I'm reading this. I don't think I will ever get used to this. Especially after seeing "anomaly29.com" and "buzzfeed.com/skips" become a thing.

Keeping Your Children Safe this Christmas North Of 40 degrees

By Dr. Taylor Kaldahl (Former SCP-4666 Specialist, SCP Foundation)

December 22, 2021

It's our first Christmas since our cover got blown, and there's no skip gaining as much attention this week as SCP-4666. While your chances of being the unlucky one to get, y'know, chopped up and made into toys are pretty low, most parents aren't OK with "pretty low". Without further ado, my advice on SCP-4666 and how to not mess with it.

1. Shoot the dude!

You see, part of the problem for us is we can't get to the victims fast enough. There's nothing to suggest a simple 9mm to the skull isn't enough to stop it. It's not like the lizard is comin' down the chimney with old Saint Nick. Ideally you wound it and we contain it, but you do earn a free medal of honor from our friends in New York if you pull off this option.

2. Send your kids south of the line for the week.

Problem here is you're increasing the chances for everyone else. If you don't care that's okay, but it's not the recommended choice. Plus, explaining to your kids "I'm just sending you away from home for a Christmas so you don't get flayed alive by an eldritch mockery of Santa Claus" will make them ask why you live where you do in the first place.

3. Spend Christmas in a hotel.

Expensive and tricky but it works. Boring though, and Motel 6 on Christmas eve is still full of crazy naked guys who might still skin you alive.

4. Let us put a photo of SCP-096 in your chimney

Available on request.

Jesus Christ Anne, they get one crazy doctor to interview and post this shit. Or as they say in the 'Pataphysics department, "Pure LOLFoundation." Gotta keep churning out the clickbait.