Classy Carlos Goes To Therapy - SCP Foundation

A lone sticky note rested on the door to a bathroom stall, its yellow surface covering a phone number advertised as being able to provide its caller with 'a good time.' On that sticky note was a crudely drawn, rotund, horned creature with even less detailed arms and legs with its name proudly emblazoned beside it; 'Durbal.' The odd creature spoke ceaselessly of the many faults of the door, seemingly to no one but itself.

"The bathroom stall door does not give the toilet user proper privacy as it does not cover their feet."

"The bathroom stall door is highly unhygienic and carries many infections."

"The bathroom stall door is missing a bolt in the top hinge and is prone to structural failure."

"The janitor responsible for maintaining the bathroom stall door should be fired."

On and on it droned until he was eventually joined by a second voice.

"Hello, my esteemed gentleman. I trust you are in good health?"

A bodyless head manifested beside the sticky note, possessing a large smile, fantastic mane, and dapper bowtie with the phrase 'Keep it classy' and the word 'enjoy' appearing to its right. The newcomer looked over to his companion and smiled pleasantly. Durbal stopped for a moment as if to contemplate.

"Classy Carlos looks like a whale"

"Classy Carlos' hair looks like a toupee."

"Classy Carlos does not appear human."

"Classy Carlos' handwriting is sloppy."

The newcomer appeared to gasp as if slightly offended. He shook his head and clicked his tongue in obvious disapproval.

"Goodness, this is no way to start a conversation. You are quite the rude indi-"

He was interrupted by the sticky note, who seemingly did not care to entertain a conversation.

"Classy Carlos is not licensed by the APA or any other similar psychological association."

"Classy Carlos is not properly qualified to provide others with psychological assistance."

"Classy Carlos does not ask if people are looking for help and forces it onto others."

"Classy Carlos appears to people in vulnerable states so they cannot refute his unreliable advice."

Once again the floating head looked at its partner in dismay.

"Sir, if anyone is forcing anything onto anyone, it is you! How do you expect us to talk if you keep cutting me o-"

Again, he was cut off by Durbal who did not show signs of stopping.

"Classy Carlos appears in public restrooms without prior notice or invitation."

"Classy Carlos is probably a voyeur."

"Classy Carlos should be arrested and serve a sentence for sexual harassment."

"Classy Carlos does not like being spoken over."

"Classy Carlos does not like having his unrequited advice refuted."

"Classy Carlos does no-"

Suddenly, Durbal stopped. Classy Carlos disappeared, looking quite upset as he did. There was a brief silence in the bathroom as the sticky note appeared to contemplate once more. But the silence would not last. There was more critique to be given.

"The bathroom stall door is squeaky because it has not been greased in five years."

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