The Bed Salesman: A Brief Interlude - SCP Foundation

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We interrupt your normally scheduled tale to bring you a brief prologue…

"You're telling me that your only job experience… Is as a bed salesman?" The Janitor leaned back in his chair, grunting. "That's a new one."

Liam sheepishly looked down, his face flushing as he muttered. "Look, I don't even have to join you guys, and why should I if you're just gonna make fun of me?"

"Because." The Janitor grinned. "If you become one of us, then you'll serve a purpose. All of us here at The Union do. Of course, that also means you get your own floor here, plus a host of other benefits. After all, unions treat their workforces nicely."

"I'll serve a purpose?" Pointing at himself, Liam asked, "How can I serve a purpose as a bed salesman?"

Chuckling, The Janitor removed a small magnifying glass from his pocket, tossing it to Liam, who clumsily juggled it in his hands before catching it. "Look at me"

Liam hesitantly followed his instructions, only to gasp as he looked through the glass. The Janitor was surrounded by a strange silver aura. It pulsed as if it were a heart, and as Liam studied it more he realized that there was a thin line connecting him to his mop, which was sat on his desk.

"Looks neat, right?" He humbly bragged, plucking the magnifying glass out of Liam's now-shaking hands. "Those little auras around us represent our power. I'm one of the strongest people here, so my aura is the largest. Usually, as people grow, their auras shift and change, but you… You're an interesting one."

Liam stared forwards blankly for a few seconds before shaking his head, bringing him out of his strange funk. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"Instead of clouding around you, your aura is concentrated in your brain. And if my hypothesis is correct, that would give you some fascinating powers. As we like to call it, you're Charmed." The Janitor leaned forward, his chair creaking as he creepily stared into Liam's eyes. "But you already know that, don't you?"

"W— what do you mean?" Liam repeated, stuttering slightly. "I don't—"

"Come on, there's something more to you than meets the eye. You must have figured that out by now."

Pausing, they sat in silence for a moment before Liam asked, "Do you have a bed somewhere around here?"

Liam awoke from his peaceful nap on the couch only to see The Janitor sitting over him, watching him intently. "So, what happened?"

For the third time that day, Liam repeated the timeless question once more: "What do you mean?"

"Your powers are based on your dreams, of course. Do you see the past? The future? The present, but from an odd perspective?" The Janitor interrogated. "Just tell me."

"I…"

Liam paused, thinking for a few seconds.

"I had a dream that I walked into this grocery store, Star-somethin'… And as I asked if they wanted to purchase a bed, they just screamed at me, telling me to leave."

"The future it is, then. So, now that we know that…" The Janitor reached into his pocket, brandishing a large silver key. "What do you say about becoming The Bed Salesman?"

Liam opened his mouth to say no, but he stopped, thinking for a moment. If I take this opportunity, I'll have my own floor of this giant tower, and I probably won't even have to work much… Why was I ever doubting this plan in the first place?! A broad smile spread across his face as he grabbed the key from The Janitor, exclaiming, "It's a deal, then!"

"Sir?"

"Sir."

"Sir!!!"

Far away from Sloth's Pit, Liam's eyes peeled open as he woke up, quickly realizing that he was at his job at Soft Comforter Paradise as a bed salesman, and he had fallen asleep on one of the demo beds, right in front of a fuming, middle-aged woman.

The female customer in front of him began to berate him. "I can't believe this! An employee asleep on the job! I want your manager, he better give me a discount for having to put up with this treatment, I have kids at home that need me and this is how you're wasting my time!? God, I'm giving this place a one-star review, now where's your manager, kid!?!?!"

Just a few years to go, Liam thought, tuning the woman out as he radioed for his manager. Then I'll be free…

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