The Trainee Gets Trolled - SCP Foundation

The Trainee Gets Trolled

Ron Gambi

⁂curiousRG

As part of my training for the PR department, I was told it would be good if I got used to the anomalous social media. My first reaction was "wait there's a what now?" and after looking it up, here I am!

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HUMS 2

3:07 PM - 11 April 2023

Ron Gambi

⁂curiousRG

Hold on, this thing has been around for HOW long? Looks like I have a lot of homework to do.

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HUMS 16

4:15 PM - 11 April 2023

Teaching Master

⁂teachmastr925673

⁂curiousRG Hello I am a good professor for homework. DM me for my rates.

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HUMS 0

4:16 PM - 11 April 2023

Enlightener Librarian

⁂The_Lybrarian

⁂curiousRG Psst, The Serpent doesn't want you to know this, but can you get some of the Library's knowledge outside of it. Very useful for homework and essays! DM me for more info.

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4:16 PM - 11 April 2023

Joanna Gambi

⁂curiousJG

⁂curiousRG Hi dearie. This reminds me of when you were just a little boy in school and I would help you with you homework, you were so cute. Do you still need Granny's help? DM me to summon my soul.

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4:16 PM - 11 April 2023

Ron Gambi

⁂curiousRG

⁂curiousJG who are you and how did you get this picture of my dead grandma?

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HUMS 7

4:18 PM - 11 April 2023

Ron Gambi

⁂curiousRG

I'm in the mood for trivia. Anyone here know some fun facts?

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HUMS 28

11:07 AM - 03 June 2023

Slenderman's Gay Cousin

⁂elongaytedman

⁂curiousRG did you know that Vincent Anderson once tried to create real-life customisable "avatars" you could pilot from a special headset? Unfortunately, he contracted a rare sukmaten infection and died before it could be finished.

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HUMS 13

11:30 AM - 03 June 2023

Ron Gambi

⁂curiousRG

⁂elongaytedman Who is Vincent Anderson?

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HUMS 12

11:31 AM - 03 June 2023

Slenderman's Gay Cousin

⁂elongaytedman

⁂curiousRG SUK MA TEN TACLES LMAO GOTTEM!

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HUMS 31

11:32 AM - 03 June 2023

Ron Gambi

⁂curiousRG

Big news for all "learning stuff" fans: Vanguard is releasing a lot of documents from our predecessors to third parties. Get ready for a whole new dimension of Wikipedia deep dives . Personally, I already have 20 new tabs open (some of this stuff is really wild).

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HUMS 120

10:21 AM - 12 June 2023

Arnold_Malarmé

⁂Arnold37902

⁂curiousRG Partnering with Wikipedia? Really? That platform is totally unreliable when it comes to information. But I guess that's to be expected from #LyingVanguard .

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HUMS 2

10:25 AM - 12 June 2023

Silicon Beast

⁂siliconbeast

⁂Arnold37902 Ok boomer.

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HUMS 40

10:26 AM - 12 June 2023

Liver Hurty

⁂hurtliver

⁂Arnold37902 Ok boomer.

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HUMS 40

10:26 AM - 12 June 2023

The Amazing Rancid

⁂retchinglemming

⁂Arnold37902 Ok boomer.

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HUMS 40

10:26 AM - 12 June 2023

Alyx's parlor

⁂Lihakut'atoo

Phew, this took my whole day but I finished this special work for a client. It was a bit challenging because the symbols were from another community and I wasn't used to them, but I'm really proud of how it came out! Here's a close-up of the back area (spent 2 hours on this part alone)

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HUMS 97

7:22 PM - 05 July 2023

Ron Gambi

⁂curiousRG

⁂Lihakut'atoo Nice work as always Alyx, that one is particularly impressive!

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HUMS 7

7:25 PM - 05 July 2023

Alyx's parlor

⁂Lihakut'atoo

⁂curiousRG Wait what the fuck? This should be a blank post to you, since when can you see ūrma sigils?

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HUMS 24

7:29 PM - 05 July 2023

Ron Gambi

⁂curiousRG

⁂Lihakut'atoo Funny you would ask…

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HUMS 12

7:33 PM - 05 July 2023

Ron Gambi

⁂curiousRG

Lately, in preparation for an upcoming operation (can't say more about it yet), I have been made to take daily doses of diluted mnestics to recover some crucial memories.

Pros: Improved my short-term memory

Cons: I haven't remembered a single key memory so far. Lots of cringy ones from middle school though.

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HUMS 97

8:12 PM - 05 July 2023

HOGSLICE

⁂HOGSLICE

⁂curiousRG OWN THE OPPORTUNITY, BROTHER!

WHEN YOUR VIVID MEMORIES COME, FACE AGAINST YOUR PAST SELF AND MAKE HIM YOUR BITCH! SHOVE ALL THAT SELF-GROWTH YOU'VE DONE INTO HIS FACE!

I DO THIS EVERY DAY BECAUSE I AM CONSTANTLY GETTING BETTER!

—HOGSLICE

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HUMS 134

8:14 PM - 05 July 2023

Ron Gambi

⁂curiousRG

⁂HOGSLICE Wow thanks, I guess that's a good way to look at it.

The next time I remember when I asked my crush out, got rejected and went to grief his house on the school minecraft server; I'll be able to confidently say I'm not that kind of person anymore.

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HUMS 27

8:15 PM - 05 July 2023

HOGSLICE

⁂HOGSLICE

⁂curiousRG I GOT SOME OTHER ADVICE FOR YOU PAL: DON'T SHARE LAME-ASS STORIES LIKE THAT ON THE INTERNET!

—HOGSLICE

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HUMS 221

8:16 PM - 05 July 2023

Brendabominable

⁂Brendabominable

-Masters' registration is going well, got a nice reference letter

-At the part where I need to upload docs, I have everything… but

-They ask for detailed records of all my undergraduate exam scores.

-I don't have those

-"It's fine you can just ask your university, they keep records."

-I'm a Deer College Graduate

-All past archives were lost when 3Ports went to shit in the Impasse

-mfw

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HUMS 524

5:30 PM - 10 July 2023

Ron Gambi

⁂curiousRG

⁂Brendabominable Damn, that's bad luck. There might be a way to get those scores, though it's a long shot.

I've heard that the Foundation used to keep an eye on graduates from anomalous schools. You can go to a Vanguard Lighthouse and ask if there are any files on you in the archives. It's not guaranteed, but I'd say it's worth trying.

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HUMS 174

6:10 PM - 10 July 2023

Brendabominable

⁂Brendabominable

⁂curiousRG Holy shit, thank you so much?!

I did that, and they just sent me an email with a bunch of pdfs about me, and they've got my scores! Masters' degree here I come!

There's actually a LOT in these pdfs, I'm skimming through them rn and it's honestly worrying how much they've got. I didn't even do anything bad??

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HUMS 239

3:51 PM - 11 July 2023

Brendabominable

⁂Brendabominable

⁂Brendabominable ⁂curiousRG MY ROOMMATE WAS A FUCKING TERRORIST??!!

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HUMS 135

4:27 PM - 11 July 2023

Ron Gambi

⁂curiousRG

AIDE?? Je suis lire vieux livre pris sur Amazon et là je perdu Anglais? Je suis penser en Français?? Mais je parles très mal Français et alors je pas compris que je pense???

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HUMS 148

9:07 PM - 25 July 2023

Enlightener Librarian

⁂The_Lybrarian

⁂curiousRG Hello, it appears that you have been placed under the effects of a level 2 Language Inversion curse. Please refer to the attached image, in which I have memetically encoded the instructions on how to remove it.

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HUMS 1

9:10 PM - 25 July 2023

Ron Gambi

⁂⁂curiousRG

⁂The_Lybrarian Oh my god thank you so much, I thought I was going to be stuck like forever. How can I repay you?

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HUMS 0

9:23 PM - 25 July 2023

Enlightener Librarian

⁂The_Lybrarian

⁂curiousRG There is no need. As part of the cleansing ritual you performed, 35£ have been transferred out of your account. Have a great day and do keep this account in mind if you ever get cursed again.

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HUMS 0

9:24 PM - 25 July 2023

Mekhane's silliest scrunglo

⁂hummingkrosmozfan

I've been re-binging some Voice of Vanguard episode. Do ya'll remember that moron who was on episode 17? What was his deal?

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HUMS 104

2:44 PM - 07 August 2023

Steelix off the string

⁂religioussteeltype

⁂hummingkrosmozfan Right? I was almsot expecting him to bust out a slur at any moment, but then again he was so ignorant I don't think he knew any.

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HUMS 38

2:46 PM - 07 August 2023

Mekhane's silliest scrunglo

⁂hummingkrosmozfan

⁂religioussteeltype The dude just ragequit in the middle of the episode lol. Probably went back to whine on that loser forum.

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HUMS 104

2:47 PM - 07 August 2023

Ron Gambi

⁂curiousRG

⁂hummingkrosmozfan ⁂religioussteeltype Ouch, but fair.

Hi, I'm that guy and I thought I'd let you know that I've changed a lot since that time. I no longer hang out with that crowd and I even got a job at Vanguard to help reach out to people.

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HUMS 57

3:06 PM - 07 August 2023

Steelix off the string

⁂religioussteeltype

⁂curiousRG Really? Good for you man! You still deserved that roast though.

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HUMS 22

3:17 PM - 07 August 2023

Ron Gambi

⁂curiousRG

⁂religioussteeltype yeah, I did :)

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HUMS 13

3:20 PM - 07 August 2023

Ron Gambi

⁂curiousRG

I know I got this app for my job, but I'm so glad I did. Everyone here is so nice. I was missing this social media experience since I quit Parawatch. Thanks for being cool, folks!

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HUMS 184

11:20 AM - 10 August 2023

Maxime17530

⁂Maxime17530

⁂curiousRG … and therefore I believe I have shown you all the evidence to prove that it's all just cgi. [7/7]

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HUMS 0

9:46 AM - 22 August 2023

Ron Gambi

⁂curiousRG

⁂Maxime17530 Dude those are all just internal studies and statistics, OF COURSE they won't tell you everything. Meanwhile I've linked you to several documents and testimonies that prove what I've been saying: Disney had been hiring thaumaturges to produce special effects for their films and violating their workers' rights well before the Veil got lifted.

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9:50 AM - 22 August 2023

Maxime17530

⁂Maxime17530

⁂curiousRG Come on, why would they do that?

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HUMS 0

9:52 AM - 22 August 2023

Ron Gambi

⁂curiousRG

⁂Maxime17530 Because of the heavily enforced secrecy, Disney had a strong monopoly on the thaumaturgical special effects field so they could just hire en masse and severely underpay these artists, just like their regular vfx artists.

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HUMS 0

9:55 AM - 22 August 2023

Maxime17530

⁂Maxime17530

⁂curiousRG You do realise how far fetched this sounds right? And besides, all of their vfx artists are well paid and very loyal, so why would Disney go through the trouble just to use magic effects?

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HUMS 0

9:58 AM - 22 August 2023

VKTM

⁂Vikander-Kneed Technical Media

⁂curiousRG ⁂Maxime17530 Indeed, why would they use thaumaturgical special effects? And for that matter, why use computer effects either?

Everyone knows that there's nothing better than true practical effects. There's nothing like a real fire to really convince the actors they're in a disaster movie.

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HUMS 0

10:00 AM - 22 August 2023

Maxime17530

⁂Maxime17530

⁂Vikander-Kneed Technical Media Oh fuck no I don't get paid enough for this.

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HUMS 0

10:01 AM - 22 August 2023

Ron Gambi

⁂curiousRG

⁂Vikander-Kneed Technical Media Oh hey guys, I think I've heard your name in a meeting before, remind me what it is you do?

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HUMS 1

10:03 AM - 22 August 2023

VKTM

⁂Vikander-Kneed Technical Media

⁂curiousRG Always happy to help someone new learn about wonderful MediaTM. We've sent you an introduction video!

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HUMS 1

10:05 AM - 22 August 2023

Ron Gambi

⁂curiousRG

⁂Vikander-Kneed Technical Media Uh, it's been like, 10 minutes, and still nothing in my DMs. Does this app have another messaging system I don't know about?

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HUMS 1

10:17 AM - 22 August 2023

VKTM

⁂Vikander-Kneed Technical Media

⁂curiousRG We didn't send it like that silly.

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HUMS 1

10:18 AM - 22 August 2023

Ron Gambi

⁂curiousRG

⁂Vikander-Kneed Technical Media WTF

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HUMS 1

10:23 AM - 22 August 2023

VKTM

⁂Vikander-Kneed Technical Media

⁂curiousRG Give it a watch ;)

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HUMS 0

10:24 AM - 22 August 2023

Vanguard

⁂Vanguard.org

Vanguard would like to issue an apology for the behaviour of one of our employees, who was seen defacing the steps of a city hall earlier today, using a mixture of feces and paint.

Our investigation revealed that Mr Gambi was online when he was exposed to a malicious memetic agent.

Measures will be taken to properly innoculate our personel, and Mr Gambi will be reprimanded.

Once we manage to catch him that is.

That mixture is quite slippery.

ECHOES 2,981

HUMS 7,635

01:00 PM - 22 August 2023