Maybe Capitalism Is A Bad Idea - SCP Foundation

"SMASH THE MOTHERFUCKING PATRIARCHY!"

"YEAH! BUT ALSO WE HAVE NO PROBLEMS WITH ANYONE WHO FUCKS ANYONE ELSE'S MOM, THAT'S OKAY TOO!"

"YEAH FUCK MORE MOTHERS WOO YEAH MOM GO TO FUCKIN' TOWN ON HOMEBOY OVER HERE"

Rita, Molly, and Melanoma-on-the-arsehole-of-existence (going by "Mel", these days) were wearing face-masks throwing rotten eggs and Lego pieces at a clone of Donald Trump from a distance of approximately six feet. (The six foot rule was also why they were in a group of three.) It's fine, clones don't feel pain. They just act as though they do. Clones can, however, be racist, so to some extent murdering clones of horrid political figures is a glorious peak betwixt extrajudicial political fauxsassinations and reich-toppling catharsis.

On the other side of the alley, Joey, Overgang, and Skitter Marshall were talking business, forming a triangle approximately 1.8 metres either side and enunciating clearly so that the masks weren't getting in the way of communication. Skitter continued.

"Look, I'm not saying there isn't a market. I mean, on a personal level, I'm not a fan of… y'know…" - Skitter gestured aimlessly into the aether - "The state of the world right now. There's definitely demand. But our clientele, like… they're rich assholes."

"ɪ ɢᴏ ʙʏ ᴍᴇʟ ᴛʜᴇsᴇ ᴅᴀʏs"

"But you get what I mean, right? The people we sell to don't want a patsy of this guy. If anything, they'd want a clone of… just off the top of my head, like…"

Skitter stopped, feeling Joey and Overgang's Evil Eyes staring into his soul.

"…yeah, okay, fine, I'm not even going to finish that sentence. Hell, you guys are the creative types, I'm sure you're thinking of ten people I've never heard of right now. I mean, we can find buyers for a few dozen, but this isn't where the real money is."

Overgang cleared his throat.

"It has his soul in it."

Skitter just kind of looked quizzically confused. Joey massaged his temple, knowing that Overgang was about to get deep into the Hard Sci-Fi bullshit that he was really only able to manipulate through the power of Sheer Unadulterated Bullshit puntuated by Antifloetic Breakthroughs.

"So you know how when someone dies, their soul just kinda floats out as the semantic tethers anchoring them to their corporeal form start to dissolve? Turns out that semantic disassociation means you can refer to items cross-temporally, since you're dealing with platonic ideals. Because once a soul enters into Meinong's Jungle, so long as you know what you're looking for you can pull them back out again. But due to current events there's enough attention on the subject forming additional semantic anchors persisting across time we could just… grab it. His soul. From the future, I mean, after he dies."

"Wait, when's he going to die?"

"I'm not sure why you think that's relevant. Anyway, turns out we can do it over and over again? So we have a few thousand time-offset Donald Trump souls. All the one soul, really. We can put them into clones if you want, but I think probably the raw materials would be -"

"Hang on. Where are you keeping them?"

Joey pulled the Mason Jar Filled With Several Thousand Post-Corporeal Donald Trump Souls out from his pocket. They looked exactly the way you'd expect a Mason Jar Filled With Several Thousand Post-Corporeal Donald Trump Souls to look, suspended in decade-old chip-frying fat.

"Huh."

"Yeah! Anyway, do you want them? Honestly the one clone was hard enough to put together."

"Oh, yeah, I'll buy the whole jar, no problems. What do you want for it?"

"Time to upgrade the van, I think. We've been getting a little crammed."

Overgang leafed through the crisp bills he'd been handed, his pant pocket weighted down by a glowing chunk of Dr Wondertainment's Fantastic Fiat Metal Substance For Unusual And Untraceable Transactions You Might Want To Make With Your Friends For Practical Jokes Or Something! TM TM TM. He turned his attention to the lego-encrusted smear on the sidewalk.

"Well, I'm not cleaning that up."

And so everyone got back into the van and drove away.

Iris Dark

⁂irisdark

I know there's been a lot of talk around the politicisation of pride month. I failed you and I failed myself. But we're trying to be better. 1/?

ECHOES 869

HUMS 2038

9:35 PM - 17 June 2020

Iris Dark

⁂irisdark

We're starting a new initiative. It's called the We Will Literally Give You A Donald Trump Soul To Torture Or Whatever Initiative. 2/?

ECHOES 53

HUMS 18

9:36 PM - 17 June 2020

Iris Dark

⁂irisdark

No, I've not been hacked here. Yeah, MC&D has historically been Extremely Fucked Up. You're right. We're leaving the messages as-is. 3/?

ECHOES 64

HUMS 48

9:39 PM - 17 June 2020

Iris Dark

⁂irisdark

Why don't we shut the company down? there is actual Eldritch Blood Majjick Inheritance Bullshit that I gotta deal with 4/?

ECHOES 188

HUMS 28

9:44 PM - 17 June 2020

Iris Dark

⁂irisdark

I mean there's actual thousands ago year prophecies that jjsut straight up out me? try staying closeted when your gender was assigned millenia before yourts fucking birth??? 5/?

ECHOES 935

HUMS 63

9:55 PM - 17 June 2020

Iris Dark

⁂irisdark

anyway we're runningn a search or whatever and if you're pissed off about what happed then you;kl get a donald tyurmp sole i don't even fuckign care any more 6/6

ECHOES 1374

HUMS 232

9:56 PM - 17 June 2020

Iris Dark

⁂irisdark

god i fuckign knew capitalism was a bad idea

ECHOES 175302

HUMS 62373

10:01 PM - 17 June 2020

Iris Dark

⁂irisdark

ctrl-z

ECHOES 316

HUMS 58

10:01 PM - 17 June 2020

Iris Dark

⁂irisdark

whatever fuck me i guess???

ECHOES 89

HUMS 20

10:02 PM - 17 June 2020

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