A HRD Days Work - SCP Foundation

ThatGuyThatTime

Fuck you, Ethel.

An introduction to the world of Human Resources - and the people they deal with.

More by ThatGuy

7:00 AM. Ethel Kursh walked into her Site-37 office, a jangling key ring in one hand, and a cup of black coffee in the other. One, an object granting her or anyone she dared gift it to the ability to access any part of their top-secret, highly sophisticated facility. The other was a ring of keys. A person needed energy if they wanted to be able to survive at 37.

When she sat down in her chair, Ethel pulled out her phone, doing her best to ignore any potential SCiPNET messages before completely waking up. She took off her warm winter boots and switched them to formal working shoes. She put up her gauntlet gray hair into a ponytail, loosely tied together by a red elastic around her wrist.

She left her office and walked back to the elevator she had just come from. As she traversed through the halls of Site-37, making her way to the facility cafeteria, she looked around at the currently empty offices, the research labs flooded with darkness, and the different assorted rooms that make up the Site. As she entered the cafeteria, she gave a light wave to the lead chef, in the background preparing breakfast for the personnel living on-site. As Ethel went to the snack table, she looked around the cafeteria, one of the largest rooms in the entire site. The neon-white LED lights flickered above her, and the rows upon rows of tables and chairs created hundreds of different pathways; a maze for sitting and eating.

When she arrived at the snack table, there were no donuts remaining.

She could tell just then it was going to be a long day.

🕑

7:11 AM, a knock at her door pulled Ethel’s attention away from futile attempts to log in to her computer. Skippy sat there in the corner of the screen, almost mockingly asking Ethel if she changed her password, suggesting a trip to the IT office. She made a mental note to call the IT Department Chief about this, and to see if he was attending therapy as requested.

Stanford Li was at her door. The prized child, director of the HR Department. He was the only other person from HR at 37 that didn’t live on-site or in Foundation-controlled housing. The O5s saw the two of them trustworthy enough to be living off-property. A lot of people objected to Stan’s promotion to director - there was a banner and everything made for the day many people thought Ethel would take the reins. She wasn’t disappointed though. Well, she was, but that was unprofessional and besides the point. HR needed a strong leader who could give the department a good face and a better reputation. Didn’t matter how skilled Ethel knew she was, she was far too grumpy around the rest of the Foundation leadership.

Stan sauntered in, light grey suit jacket messily placed overtop his bright red button-up and hair very clearly just gelled. He leaned on the chair across from Ethel’s desk. He was holding a stack of papers. Ethel noticed it to be twice the size as normal. She knew what that meant.

“Goooooood morning, Ethel! Great to see ya here so bright and early.” said the HR Director, somehow still gleaming with said bright and early energy despite the time. “Listen, I’ve got a favor to-”

She didn’t let him finish the thought. “You need me to handle some of your cases. Fine.”

“…yeah. Sorry to throw this at you again, but they need me at 19 again. Ethics Committee and Fire Suppression want to have another meeting about some recent internal management issues.”

Both Ethel and Stan shuddered at the mention of Fire Suppression. In the hierarchy of Personnel Management, the department was technically equal to HR, but that didn’t stop them from scaring the shit out of any Human Resources Liaisons unfortunate enough to cross paths. It didn’t help that the Director of the department was, for all they knew, named ███████.

“That, and another seminar about employee retention. Even if HR is fine on that front, they still want our department to at least show up. Keeps us looking good.”

Ethel understood that all too well. They decided as a department it wasn’t worth going to last year's seminar. The talk of the town from then until the next containment breach was that HR thought they were better than everyone else. Poked the egos of the sensitive departments hard.

“And it always helps to learn new ways of helping employees!”

“You mean the ‘new’ ways we invented for all the other directors to follow.”

Stan scratched the back of his head, either in an awkward twitch or an attempt to fix an ungelled hair. “Right. But yeah, sorry, I need someone to take care of a few things and there’s nobody else here right now.”

“I got it. Part of the job.”

“Thanks a bunch. I sent you all the digital files too, in case you want to go new-school.”

Ethel scoffed. “New-school of the last 20 years.”

“True, true. Anyway, I better get going now. Oh, and can you tell Ross he’s got a 2-week ban from the cafeteria? Took all the donuts again.”

“What?”

“All of them. The kitchen staff makes at least 3 batches of 12 donuts in the morning, and they’re all gone.”

“I know how many donuts they make, but how does one man-“

“He claims the extra sugar helps his brain get into gear. I think he has a problem.”

“The face of Site-37 Tactical Theology, everyone.”

Stan laughed. "Yeah, and he's the only tactical theologist we have, so we treasure him. He is still banned though."

Ethel gave a small smile, her subtle version of a laugh, and something Stanford picked up on easily.

"Well, I better get going now. The Heli is heading off in… 20 minutes, and I don't have my coat or anything. Am I going to need a coat? Where is-"

She cut him off there, knowing his tendencies to ramble if left unstopped. "You need a coat. Now go."

Stan sighed. "Right. Yeah. Thanks again for taking up my stuff, this department really couldn't-"

"Director Li, go."

He let a laugh out through his nose, placed the stack of papers on her desk, and turned to walk out of Ethel's windowless office. "Alright, I'll see you in a few days then. Good luck!"

As the Director of Human Resources left his faithful second-in-command to her grim and boring office, Ethel Kursh sat and watched for a moment. He was a bit of a mess sometimes, but Stanford was probably the cheeriest person working for their whole department. And god, did they need that.

Ethel turned to her desk, the computer screen with Skippy still bouncing in a cycle, and sighed. She looked towards the stack of papers, now placed haphazardly on top of the rest of her papers. She looked at the walls of her office, lacking windows or any posters, just coated with a drab grey-brown color. She looked at the one picture on her desk, from the HR Christmas Party last year. It was the first one they convinced her to attend, and it was the only picture in the whole building she ever had willingly framed.

Shaking off the nostalgic thoughts, she pulled out her phone and dialed up the chief of the IT department. It was time to get working, and she needed the damn computer to do so.

🕑

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WELCOME TO THE SCP FOUNDATION NETWORK OF EMPLOYEE DEVICES

Hello, ETHEL KURSH (HUMAN RESOURCES, LEVEL 4).

It appears you have 3 pertinent documents, 4 staff reports, 5 HR complaints, and 5+ messages requiring a response.

RECENT SCiPNET MESSAGES:

Hey Ethel. Hopefully, the password reset worked. Thanks for all you do.

- Adonis Fisk (IT)

Heard Li is gonna be out for a bit. Good luck Ethel!

- Dr. Fenton (General Research)

pls check email

Nial Nial (General Research)

RECENT SCiPNET EMAILS:

Subject: Upcoming Christmas (Sent by pcs.tenpiks|lainrj#pcs.tenpiks|lainrj yesterday)

Subject: Item Request Form December 2022 (Sent by pcs.tenpiks|lleepoh#pcs.tenpiks|lleepoh yesterday)

The time is 7:45 AM, and the Date is December 3rd, 2022.

With the bright white screen glowing in front of her, Ethel rolled back her shoulders, muttering to herself for mental preparation. Into the belly of the beast she went.

🕑

HUMAN RESOURCES STAFF REPORT

STAFF IN QUESTION (Tenure): LEAH A MURPHY (7 Years)

EMPLOYED AS: Level 3 Agent, formerly (see details) IOTA-01, “Mister Hunters”

CURRENT LOCATION: Site-19

NATURE OF REPORT: Disciplinary / Request of Transfer (by Captain)

HANDLING LIAISON(S): G. Regum (Site-19 HR, report compiled by), T. Moose (Site-19 Director), E. Kursh (Corresponding Level 4 Authority)

Liaison Regum believes that Agent Leah Murphy is currently unfit for continued service within MTF-Iota-01 and that she should be transferred to Site-37 for handling said unfitness.

After Leah’s involvement in an incident this last Halloween1 with a bunch of the misters, she’s become very hostile towards them, and a lot more hostile towards her coworkers. While she was officially declared "Not Responsible" for what occurred on Halloween, it seems some of her coworkers (and Leah herself) perceive her as being part of the reason things got out of control.

There have been (and this only from what I've confirmed and had reported to me, mind you):

7 verbal altercations in the past month, 3 of which I and a supervising agent have had to intervene for.

2 reports of mild mishandling of anomalies under her supervision.

1 report of a major mishandling of anomalies under her supervision (which I will remind you, are all humanoids).

1 light physical altercation between her and another member of Iota-00.

13 different accounts of improper and disorderly behavior, 4 of which she has denied, and 3 of which involving an official HR complaint.

In short, she’s creating an inhospitable work environment, and it’s the belief of me (and the representatives of the Therapy Division) that she has some anger issues to work through. However, she does have a lot of experience working here at the Foundation, and she is an invaluable asset. As such, we are requesting her transfer to Site-37, and into Iota-00 (Codename: Understudies).

It’s a shame it’s come to this, because of her experience and the skills she brings to the table. Not to mention her family (though I imagine we would just move them into nearby Foundation-managed housing).

Her time at 19 was great, but both I and Director Moose view this as a necessity. For the anomalies, personnel, and even Leah herself.

Signing Parties:

G. Regum APPROVED

T. Moose APPROVED

E. Kursh APPROVED — we’ll have Malley head down to escort her up, and get used to the new leadership.

L Murphy (OVERRIDDEN)

With the approval of the 3 required parties (as outlined in the Foundation Human Resources Code of Procedure), Level 3 Agent Leah A. Murphy will be henceforth transferred from Site-19 (Research and Large-Scale Containment) to Site-37 (Personnel Management, Research, and Containment). She will be reassigned from detail within MTF Iota-01 ("Mister Hunters") to MTF Iota-00 ("Understudies"), under the lead of Level 3 Captain Vito D Malley.

THIS REQUEST IS APPROVED, under the authority of the HRD granted by O5-10.

Footnotes

1. See: "Halloween Incident 2022: Breach of Containment Involving 'Misters' Anomalies"

SCPF HUMAN RESOURCES DEPARTMENT

Solving your Complaints and Problems

🕑

9:30 AM. An angry frazzle-haired doctor sat in the chair across from Ethel Kursh. His grey-green sweater vest had a coffee stain, as did his nametag. His extensive full name was written out in small font, making it hard to read with the naked eye. Dr. Thaddentine Guiseman Thaddentine, better known as…

"Ross."

The disheveled Dr. Thaddentine glared back at Ethel, his bushy mustache twitching.

"Ethel."

She stared back at him, trying to match his furious stare with an equally cold one in return. “Is this about the cafeteria ban?”

He slouched into his chair. “What do you think?"

The two continued to stare at each other, the lights in Ethel’s windowless office flickering above them.

“I can’t revoke that, you know. You stole 36 donuts from the rest of the staff.”

Silence.

"It was 32". He let out an offended exhale as if he had been accused of a crime far more heinous than donut thievery.

"Still."

He furrowed his brow.

“Fuck you, Ethel.”

🕑

Access SCiPNET Email? You have an email from jrnial@skipnet.scp!

CLOSE SCiPNET

To: pcs.tenpiks|hsruk.lehte#pcs.tenpiks|hsruk.lehte

From: pcs.tenpiks|lainrj#pcs.tenpiks|lainrj

Subject: Upcoming Christmas

Hi Ethel,

Have I told you what a good job you've been doing for the Site recently? I know I'm only a junior researcher, but wow, you've been hitting all the marks. Thanks for everything. Now… if you've seen your calendar recently, you'll notice it's December. Holiday season! A time for spending with family and loved ones. While I do love my coworkers here… is it possible I could maybe leave the Site to visit my family this Christmas? I know, microwaves everywhere, but what if they came to my Foundation-owned house? That I would also like to return to at some point. The neighborhood is ours, can't we remove all the microwaves for 1 day? I'm dyin' in here Ethel. Please.

In good regards,

Nial :) — JR, General Research

To: pcs.tenpiks|lainrj#pcs.tenpiks|lainrj

From: pcs.tenpiks|hsruk.lehte#pcs.tenpiks|hsruk.lehte

Subject: Re:Upcoming Christmas

Hello Nial.

While I understand the obvious problems this causes you and your family, as well as the importance of the Holiday season, we cannot in good conscience let you leave Site-37, until SCP-7119 has been resolved. If you want to come to my office to discuss alternatives (maybe an isolated video call?), I'll be free tomorrow at 8 PM. Until then, you’re still prohibited from contacting family outside the Foundation, and from going back to the Foundation-owned neighborhood.

I know it’s been hard, but you’re doing great so far. Remember you have a counseling session tomorrow at 2:30.

Have a good day.

Ethel Kursh

——————

Senior Human Resources Liaison

Site-37

3rd floor, Office 302

To: pcs.tenpiks|hsruk.lehte#pcs.tenpiks|hsruk.lehte

From: pcs.tenpiks|lainrj#pcs.tenpiks|lainrj

Subject: Re:Re:Upcoming Christmas

It’s been 4 MONTHS, ETHEL. I have not been outside of this building in 4 months. I can’t even remember what fresh air smells like. It can’t be that much of a security risk to let me go home, go to the FOUNDATION BUILT HOME I WAS LIVING IN. I cannot take it anymore. How hard can it possibly be to remove all the microwaves from one neighborhood that WE OWN?!?! Stop being such a hard ass bout this and let me experience a goddamn life again

Please reconsider,

Nial :) — JR, General Research

To: pcs.tenpiks|lainrj#pcs.tenpiks|lainrj

From: pcs.tenpiks|hsruk.lehte#pcs.tenpiks|hsruk.lehte

Subject: Re:Re:Re:Upcoming Christmas

Nial.

While I understand your frustration, I ask you to retain some level of decorum when interacting with me or other members of HR. We expect all our personnel to be professional here, and acting out over email isn't doing you any favors.

You’re in a tricky situation, I know, but email is not the place to vent your anger. I’ve laid out a pretty clear schedule for when you can come talk to me in person to discuss alternatives. Attend your counseling, and we’ll talk tomorrow, face to face. HR is always looking for ways to accommodate staff, and you are certainly a special member of the personnel here at Site-37. But for now, it’s a hard no on leaving. I ask you to stop emailing me for the time being.

Ethel Kursh

——————

Senior Human Resources Liaison

Site-37

3rd floor, Office 302

To: pcs.tenpiks|hsruk.lehte#pcs.tenpiks|hsruk.lehte

From: pcs.tenpiks|lainrj#pcs.tenpiks|lainrj

Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re:Upcoming Christmas

fuck you Ethel

Nial :) — JR, General Research

THE ABOVE USER HAS BEEN PLACED ON TEMPORARY BAN FROM SKIPNET COMMUNICATION SERVICES, AT THE AUTHORITY OF SCPF IT.

🕑

1:45 PM. Ethel took a deep sip of her coffee and sunk a little into her chair. Across the desk was Aldrich Morganthaler, captain of the Anomalous Astrophysics Division. A tall and homely man, the edges of his balding head greying from years of work and groaning. Presently, he was doing the only thing he ever did during any HR Meeting: Complain.

“It says it right there, right there in the SCP Foundation Employee Code of Conduct. Section 16, Subsection A. ‘Employees of the SCP Foundation within all levels of clearance are strongly, if not completely advised against forming inter-personnel relationships romantically or sexually. Those wishing to engage in such a relationship must report to their respective Site HR Liaison, as will those who are found to be doing so’. I told you.”

Ethel did her best to hold back eye rolls and exhaustive sighs. She knew it was in the code of conduct; she helped write the whole thing. But she didn’t say anything, and let the old and whining doctor have this little victory. He was at 37 after years of complaining and fighting with other employees at his other assignments. She didn’t completely blame him either; people gave Astrophysics a lot of shit for whatever reason and didn’t give him the respect he probably deserved. Didn’t stop him from annoying HR though.

Ethel took another sip of her coffee. “Yes, Aldrich, that’s correct. Why… exactly are you telling me this?”

Aldrich stopped himself, looking around the room to see if anyone was listening. Someone was — Ethel made sure the FISC system in HR was always monitored, in case of a feisty employee — but Aldrich didn’t realize. In all likelihood, he forgot the FISC system existed.

"Well, I was wondering… is there a, say, finder's fee? You know, if I- someone, if someone were to report an incident like this. Y'know. Get a couple of HR points or whatever. Hypothetically."

Ethel lowered her coffee and let out a much-desired sigh. It was easy to tell what his "hypothetically" meant.

"Aldrich, who's fucking around the offices this time?"

"It's Lee and Mayfield!", exclaimed the Astrophysicist, in a yelling whisper.

Ethel took in a short breath. "Director Li?"

"No. What? Lee, like ell-ee-ee."

"Ah. Good."

"They're trying to keep it a secret from the rest of us. I found them in a closet, Ethel! A janitor's closet! I think the janitorial staff have enough to worry about without those two-"

Ethel cut him off right there, knowing it would turn into an entirely different HR problem if she let the 70-year-old finish the thought. "Okay, well the fact they were in a janitor's closet is a concern, yes, but you wouldn't even get a finder's fee for telling me this. Because we know about them."

Aldrich was flabbergasted. "What? If you know about it, then why are they trying to keep it a secret?"

"Is it possible they just didn't want to tell you?"

Both Ethel and Aldrich were silent. The aging astrophysicist scratched the top of his balding head, while the lights continued to flicker in the windowless office. His face was one of confusion, offense, and wonder, somehow simultaneously coming through the many wrinkles and deep bags under his eyes. He slumped into the chair across from Ethel's desk, his Level 4 Clearance ID card slumping down alongside him and his oversized lab coat.

"Oh."

🕑

NEW SCiPNET MESSAGES!

hi ethel look i don't know what he told you but i promise it wasn't a janitor's closet

- Obden Lee (Astrophysics)

Ethel, about job interviews next week… how many of these prospects know what an anomaly is? Also, the copy machine is broken. Pls call IT or whoever, they like you more

- Asai Yasu (HR)

Please tell Asai we don't fix copy machines. Or I can't, at least.

Adonis Fisk (IT)

The time is 2:01 PM, and the Date is December 3rd, 2022.

🕑

You are currently: Editing the following document. Your comments will be highlighted in Blue and edits will be highlighted in Red, and are automatically saved once the document is closed or you click 'Save'.

HUMAN RESOURCES PROJECT PROPOSAL:

"Increase in Quality of Employees Workforce"

Proposed by HR Liaison M. Polley (Site-19)

Aim: Create a Higher Quality Workforce through Pruning, Removal, and Management of Testing.

Proposal:

Increase the number of mandated competence Ability testing sessions from the present 2 per annum to 4, and introduce more rigorous guidelines as to what "professionally competent Capable" actually means. "Professionally competent" and "competence testing" is not the official terminology we use - Professionally Capable and Ability Testing is. You need to be more specific when you say "more rigorous guidelines". Also, that is a lot of budget going towards the Ability Testing to do them twice the number of times.

Remove "competency training". Same issues with phrasing, however: if this were to be reviewed and submitted again, remove this clause entirely. We aren't cutting off opportunities for increasing the quality of work here.

Additionally, decrease the number of days before a termination of employment that is required as per the Human Resources Code of Procedure. To what amount?

Additionaly, decrease the age of reccomended and the age of / mandated retirement within the Foundation from 65 / and 80 respectively to 50 and 65. I am 50 years old myself, and there is a lot of the Foundation workforce that would enter your range of recommended and mandated retirement. Having younger minds is good, but we aren't going to just lay off a good half of our employees for this. Remove this clause entirely.

I am proposing 6 months of initial testing within Site-37 specifically. This is standard for HR proposals, but keep in mind you would be transferred to Site-37 to oversee your proposal.

Reasoning:

Across the wider foundation, we are seeing personnel being hired at a lower level of quality and intellect by the day. We've even hired some without certified university degrees (while I agree having uncertified university degrees is not a good hiring practice, we don't do that. I assume you mean we're hiring people without any post-secondary education or approval.) and/or formal training in the handling of anomalous matter within respective fields (Most anomalous sciences or fields are not offered at educational institutes outside of the veil.). We are losing a grip on the quality of our employees, and thus need to regain said grip through stronger guidelines and increased competency Ability testing. The HR Department's responsibility is to maintain a strong and qualified workforce, isn't it? . Please rephrase this section and remove the dramatics and rhetorical. You aren't writing a speech here, you're writing a formalized proposal for changes to the Foundation's fundamental personnel management structure.

Adding onto that, remove the idea of competency training, and just look at the test results in correlation with their time at the Foundation. There are only so many chances before someone needs to be terminated. While the sentiment of the final sentence here is something I can agree with, not in this specific context. Again, we want to provide opportunities for an increase in skill. This seems like a rash and unheeded addition.

The reasoning here is simple. We don't need a mercy period when we can just amnesticize these people (This is not the outlook we'd like to have on our hiring and firing practices.), but we DO need to streamline the termination process. Why?

Senility and incompetence (I strongly advise you to stop using this word.) run rampant the older we let our workforce becomes. Think of people like Dr. Morganthaler at 37. What good does it do to be storing useless (I also strongly advise you, again, to cease the dramatics) workers like him when budget and resources could go elsewhere? You are resorting to personnel insults to justify your proposal here. That is not an effective strategy to persuade others in agreeing. I already gave my explanation as to why this doesn't work, and it especially does not fit into the aim of this proposal.

As per standard protocol, no reasoning is required.

Required Resources:

To support this proposal, I am requesting:

$15,000 to go towards Foundation-wide implementation of increased competence testing (though this money would likely be gained from cutting competence training). Again with the phrasing - and have you run this number through anyone in the Accounting department yet? This seems like a completely random choice, and I'd be interested in seeing some justification.

3 - 5 HR staff to be located at each Site for their respective increased competence testing. These staff would be moved from site to site according to whenever sessions are scheduled. The logistics of moving around HR staff from one site to another for a one-day testing session is a bit of a nightmare, especially considering some presently have only 1 Liaison present.

Areas of Address:

As the proposal and reasoning behind it are thorough, I do not believe there are currently any Areas of Address. I strongly disagree, see the above comments.

Comments:

This will do good things for all of us. We need to be stronger, smarter, and have only the best (by your standard, or the standards put forward by the HR department?) working here.

Signing Staff:

M. Polley, Level 3 HR Liaison, APPROVED

S. Li, Level 4 HR Director (Stan's out right now, so I'm taking over.)

E. Kursh, Level 4 HR Chief and Liaison, DENIED

This entire proposal reads as someone angry about employee "incompetence" at your Site. If this is the kind of proposal you seriously considered sending to our Director, I think it may be time for you to take a few months at 37, or the very least be transferred out of 19. The HRD does not try and make the lives of our employees more difficult or place them through unreasonable scrutiny unless necessary because of a worse cause. Additionally, we are currently in an employment struggle after the Pandemic and multiple containment breaches over the past year. We can't afford to throw away good, hard-working employees like this.

SCPF HUMAN RESOURCES DEPARTMENT

Solving your Complaints and Problems

>Save changes?

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"Unprofessional," said Ethel, under her breath to the proposal on her screen. "Absolutely unprofessional."

5 minutes later, a notification appeared at the top of her screen.

NEW SCiPNET MESSAGE

fuck YOU Ethel. seriously, i would have imagined someone like you, a seasoned PROFESSIONAL, would understand why we need this as a department. do you not (…)

- Maddox Polley

THE ABOVE USER HAS BEEN PLACED ON TEMPORARY BAN FROM SKIPNET COMMUNICATION SERVICES, AT THE AUTHORITY OF SCPF IT.

The time is 2:36 PM, and the Date is December 3rd, 2022.

Ethel allowed herself to sigh and clicked away the notification. Even if she appreciated the ban on Maddox's ability to berate her, she needed to talk to someone about their assignment at Site-19. That, and she needed to get to Maddox before they got to Stanford. With hesitance, she picked up her phone, dialing a number Ethel knew she would regret calling.

"Hello? Director Moose? Yeah, this is- Hi, yes, I'm doing fine. I'm glad to- Listen, Tilda, I would love to talk about- No, I know. I'm glad to hear things are going well down there. Yes, Stanford is- We should, of course, but I do really need to talk to you about-"

🕑

5:30 PM. Cigarette in hand, Ethel stepped out onto the 3rd-floor balcony of the facility. She took a smoke, letting it out in an exhale not all too different from a tired sigh. As the smoke dissipated into the cold winter air, Ethel looked out into the surrounding areas of the forest. She had just spent the last 3 hours in a phone call with Director Tilda Moose, and it was a phone call that was supposed to only take 30 minutes at most. Maddox hadn't been happy about being transferred to Site-37 by Ethel's ruling, and Ethel hadn't been happy that Moose decided to break the news in the least courteous way possible.

"You're heading up to the landfill!" muttered Ethel, the memory of the exasperating Moose stopping her from hearing the door to the balcony opening.

"What?"

She turned around, surprised to hear someone pulling her away from reliving the phone call. Dr. Emmett Fenton stood there, jacket half on, loose white hair blowing in the wind. He looked confused, and he walked to stand next to Ethel at the railing of the balcony.

"Ah, sorry. Not you. Just… a phone call". She put out her cigarette, stashing it deep into her olive green jacket.

"I figured, I was just surprised is all," said Emmett. He was one of the few people in the Site that Ethel got along quite well with - would even call a friend. The Director of General Research, he was probably Stanford's only competition for the cheeriest coworker. Unlike most of the human resource issues or otherwise employed at Site-37, Emmett had specifically requested to be moved there. He suffered from an anomalous condition that made his right arm slowly convert into plant matter; nobody knows why or where it came from, not even him. It was believed to have permanently stopped at the shoulder, and it didn't impact his ability to do work a lot, but it did make the arm more fragile. The loose tree bark didn't make up for much of a shell.

So he requested to get transferred to the Site, because of the exponentially lower rate of containment breaches or dangerous scenarios. From there, Emmett met Ethel. His positive and cooperative personality made him a breath of fresh air to work with, so she appreciated that. Not to mention his dedication to research and the swath of employees he had under his wing after being promoted; a promotion Ethel personally recommended and oversaw.

"So", said Emmett, with a cheer in complete contrast to the gray winter skies, "What's got you out here in the cold?"

"Taking a break. Spent hours on the phone dealing with something at Site-19, and it was already a busy morning before that."

Emmett laughed. "Yeah, I imagine so. Say, has Aldrich-"

"Yes", she interrupted with a cold seriousness, "yes he has".

"Good. Well, maybe not good, but at least he got it out of the way. He's been buggin' since yesterday over whether he should say something or not. Probably the most restraint I've ever seen from him when it comes to drama."

"Drama is a funny way of putting 'two of your subordinates are messing around in a janitor's closet', Emmett."

He sighed. "Yeah. That's the reason I'm out here, funny enough. Needed a break from the fighting in the main lab. Anyway. Cold day out here, isn't it? Makes me glad we're at a Site with actual heating."

She sighed, leaning over the railing with her arms crossed in a painfully familiar way. "Sure does."

Silence fell over the balcony, the cold wind blowing by with not even a whisper sound. The two employees of the Foundation, both on radically different sides of the world, stared out into the cold forest beyond them. That was what Ethel could appreciate about Emmett: Even with his talkative and research-y side, he managed to be someone Ethel could stand to be silent around. She wanted to be silent around a lot of the people on-Site, but he was someone with that conversation wasn't a requirement to be around for.

🕑

Access SCiPNET Email? You have an email from hopeell@skipnet.scp!

Re:SUBJECT

To: pcs.tenpiks|hsruk.lehte#pcs.tenpiks|hsruk.lehte

From: pcs.tenpiks|lleepoh#pcs.tenpiks|lleepoh

Subject: Item Request Form, December 2022

Hey Ethel!

Hope from the memetics division here. Just wanted to send you a couple more items for the request form before you (I figure you're the one they make do it) file it in a couple of days. Let's hope they let us have this stuff!

3 more rolls of toilet paper (I figure you're already ordering a bunch more, but like. we need at least 3 more than whatever you're ordering)

A microwave for the breakroom

Replacement sofa for the one in the 2nd-floor breakroom (got broken again) (don't ask)

Another microscope, preferably a big one (that's the wording of our guys in cryptobiology)

More of those vegan meal options for the vending machines (I love our kitchen staff, but the vegan options aren't the best. those little combo packages from the big vending machine downstairs are great, we just need more)

I think that's everything! Thanks, and thanks again for everything you do here. The counseling has been going great and I feel more productive already. Top HR employee for sure!! :))

Hope Elliot

——————

Chief Memetics Officer, Site-17.

To: pcs.tenpiks|lleepoh#pcs.tenpiks|lleepoh

From: pcs.tenpiks|hsruk.lehte#pcs.tenpiks|hsruk.lehte

Subject: Re:Item Request Form, December 2022

Hello Hope.

Thanks for these additions, I've been meaning to send out a message to all staff asking for what they need (Director Li was supposed to, but he's heading out for a meeting at 19), so I appreciate you reaching out. I'll be sure to add them to the list of requests - although some more clarification from cryptobiology as to the size of a large microscope could be helpful.

On another note, I notice your signature still says "Site-17". I advise changing that to avoid any logistics confusion about where you're currently assigned. I'm glad to hear that counseling is going well. If you ever feel like we can reduce it from 4 sessions a week, come see me and we can discuss it. Considering what your experience was over there, it's surprising to see such a quick recovery. You should address that as soon as possible.

Ethel Kursh

——————

Senior Human Resources Liaison

Site-37

3rd floor, Office 302

To: pcs.tenpiks|hsruk.lehte#pcs.tenpiks|hsruk.lehte

From: pcs.tenpiks|lleepoh#pcs.tenpiks|lleepoh

Subject: Re:Re: Item Request Form, December 2022

Hi!

Thanks for the quick response.

I hadn't even noticed that part of my signature still said that. I guess I forgot to change it in the chaos of the transfer, haha. Anyway. I think 4 sessions a week is still a good idea, but yeah, I'll reach out if anything changes. Productivity is up, but… it's hard to forget that many people that were swiped away right before my eyes. Friends, and coworkers, were all gone in an instant.

Sorry, this isn't something you need to hear. Thanks for being the backbone of HR.

Hope Elliot

——————

Chief Memetics Officer, Site-37.

Ethel couldn't help but look at the computer with pity. It was the hard part about being in HR. Not the worst part, no, but it was the hardest. Hearing the pain and suffering people go through. Even if they weren't directly the Therapy Division, Human Resources still heard a lot of the horror stories in the Foundation. They seeped into everything, from the meetings to the emails, the proposals to the site Halloween parties, and the agents to the researchers. In a regular business, these pieces of employee drama would likely be harassment, complaints, and prickish suggestions. However, at the Foundation, it could include terrifying monsters, sweeping deaths of coworkers, a former lover turning ontologically evil, or something equally awful to witness. Ethel knew what she signed up for when she took the job, but it didn't make hearing the horror stories harder.

🕑

NEW SCiPNET MESSAGES!

Heya Ethel. Heard we're getting another one for the Understudies? Should I get prepared to ship out tomorrow?

- Vito Malley (Iota-00)

i still have a donut left, i'll give it if you let me back in the caf

- Dr. Thaddentine (Tactical Theology)

Hope everything is going okay up there! Up? Down? I'll be honest, they told me where Site-19 is, but I sort of forgot. Listen, I heard about what happened with Maddox and (…)

- Stanford Li (HR)

apollo 11 launch date

- Dr. Morganthaler (Astrophysics)

Ignore Aldrich, he doesn't know how to use google OR the most basic space history facts

- Alex Mayfield (Astrophysics)

how to fire subordinates easy

- Dr. Morganthaler (Astrophysics)

The time is 7:02 PM, and the Date is December 3rd, 2022.

Ethel sighed and turned off her computer. The rest of the night was going to be for paperwork.

🕑

8:32 PM. Technically, Ethel's workday was over an hour ago. But, like most days, she stayed behind far later than she needed to. Most of the HR team that lived in Foundation-owned neighborhoods had already gone home, and the on-site personnel was just sitting around and chilling at this point. She could hear a litany of staff in the main HR department room - or as the team would call it, "the crisis zone" - talking about the scariest anomaly they'd ever seen, or whatever side conversation they had converted to be this point.

HR Liaisons, astrophysicist lovers, questionable containment specialists, on-parole antimemetics officers, and disgruntled or disrespected senior staff; all sitting around the campfire of HR staff reports, sharing their horror stories. Some had less than others. Some were the junior staff - Ethel thought she could hear the tired Nial, talking about what appliance is coming for him next. Some were the senior staff - Dr. Thaddentine grumbling in a corner, something half-decipherable about donuts and how to concentrate akiva energy on a director.

When Ethel packed her things for the night, she considered sitting down with the rest of them, joining in on the conversation. But she shook off the notion quickly. While she did have a few friends among the Site-37 personnel, she wanted to keep that number down. It became harder to deliver the difficult news or drop axes on staff if they were friends. She'd explained it to Stanford before, who starkly disagreed. It was probably why he became the director.

As she walked through the dimly lit halls of Site-37, Ethel marveled at the quietness. Through the few windows of the inner hall, the night sky and the few stars above shone through. The old gray carpet crunched underneath her feet. The ring of keys in her hand jangled along.

As she went down the elevator, the little screen on the side that indicated your floor stared back at Ethel. Skippy sat there, in his forever idle state, almost taunting her as the little logo announced the ground floor.

On the first floor, she walked past the entrance to Iota-00's room of operation. Half the agents were partying, looking like the best of friends that they'd been forced to become here. The other half were present, or sulking around the room, thinking about the life they left behind to get sent to Site-37. The captain, the bear-like Vito Malley, noticed Ethel as she walked by. He gave her a light wave. She waved back. Vito was another one that requested to be here; his callousness during a mission into unknown territory lead to the death of an innocuous civilian. That was his version of the story, at least. Administration cleared him of all charges, saying he wasn't at fault, but that wasn't enough. He asked to be moved here to redeem himself. Ethel always felt the worst for him.

As she stepped out the door, into the cold and pinching winter air, Ethel took in a deep breath. In the facility parking lot, her station wagon stuck out like a sore thumb. All the other cars were gone. She exhaled, her sigh creating a puff of smoke that dissipated almost as quickly as it formed. Ethel looked towards the sky, the almost empty darkness, with few stars sparsely thrown in for good measure. She looked back up to the few glowing windows of the Site, where the silhouettes of the Foundation's most middling sat. She looked at her car, old and rusted from years of disregard, the weight of work weighing down on the off-red hood. She looked at her reflection in the window. She saw the expanse of the forest behind her, and… she saw a trash can. Likely put there by some junior staff for early breakfast garbage, sitting almost dead center in a faded, yellow-lined parking space.

It was overflowing, right onto the ground.

Ethel stood there for a moment to think.

🕑

9:32 AM, December 8th. When Stanford Li pulled into the Site-37 parking lot, it was snowing. The big, northern flakes filled the sky and coated the cars surrounding his special parking spot with a blanket of white fluff. He was happy to be back; it was like returning home from college. Even if it was nice to see the other side of the Foundation, he always appreciated coming back. Home of the HR Department, his HR Department. It was comforting.

Covered in snow as Stan approached the site steps was a trash can. He didn't remember placing one there but figured it was some junior staff wanting to dispose of breakfast trash. He looked at the snow that filled the metal can. The trash on top had been compressed downwards, leaving a thick white layer of snow on top. Stan found it impressive that there wasn't any trash on the ground - people in the Site tended to get a little reckless with trash. Better things to care about, he figured.

As he stepped into the Human Resources office, the dull LED lights and bustling of Liaisons and paper workers flooded his senses. It was amazing. He never struck anyone as the kind to enjoy office life; his boisterous personality and people skills left his coworkers calling him a politician or a thief. But he loved it; the essence of the room just felt productive, and especially here, they were doing good work.

As he passed the office in front of his own, he stopped and waved to the older woman seated at the desk, intensely filing paperwork and drinking a cup of black coffee. Ethel Kursh, his second in command. It didn't feel like that to Stan though; Ethel was the backbone of the HR department to him, and he was forever grateful.

"Busy day out there, eh?"

Ethel looked up from her piles of paper back at Stan. She gave a smile, her version of a laugh. Stan wasn't sure what she was laughing at though.

"Welcome back, Stan. Just another day here."