Rights' Birthday Party - SCP Foundation

One learns very quickly that any quiet day at Site 19 is not a good day. Inevitably, something like a containment breach of something horrible and terrifying happens, or there’s chowder in the cafeteria, or Bright dies. One also learns quickly that any attempts to break the silence usually ends horribly as well. So today, being a quiet day at Site 19, everyone was on edge.

It… did not help that Rights was not happy.

Rights stormed into the break room first thing in the morning, her hair and makeup a mess and her clothes not nearly as neat as they usually are. One poor staff member was at the coffee machine, getting his usual fix. Rights glared menacingly at the poor man until he turned around, the hair on his neck rising, like he were faced with the face in 087. Rights growled menacingly, “MOVE.” She then got her green tea with vast quantities of honey post haste and glared down the rest of the staff as she stalked away to frighten more lower leveled staff.

Once she was out of earshot, the man she terrified, a scrawny, pale young man, asked, “Jeez, what’s HER problem?”

Dr. Gears, having sat by with his morning cup of water, said calmly, “It would seem that Dr. Rights is upset by something, most likely that it is her birthday and no one has yet to wish her to make it enjoyable, or perhaps that her baby was as she puts it a ‘fussbutt’ this morning.”

“Well, why don’t you go and wish her a happy birthday?”

“That course of action would not be wise. If I were to wish her a happy birthday, she would most likely injure me in some way or another. I propose that we stay out of her way.”

The scrawny man scoffed and replied, “Well, I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not have to put up with that bitch today. I’m going to go wish her a happy fucking birthday.” With a huff and an overly dramatic turn, the scrawny man chased Rights. The group in the break room waited expectantly as they heard the conversation in the silent site.

“Hey! Dr. Rights!” the scrawny man called.

“WHAT DO YOU WANT.” Rights growled.

“I… I wanted to wish you a happy birthday!”

“… oh. Thank you. … where is my cake?”

“… cake?”

“You don’t know? If you wish someone at Site 19 a happy birthday, you must give them cake. If you don’t, bad things will happen.”

“I… did not know this.”

“Can you make cake happen now?”

“… no?”

“Okay. I’m going to go put bleach in your car’s oil.” Rights walked away, whistling a tune as the scrawny man was left dumbfounded.

Later that day, with the eerie silence only broken by the occasional scream as well as a screech from Rights, most of the staff had decided that it would be better to hide in the break room than to be out in the halls where Rights could rip off their heads for looking at her wrong. Finally, Dr. Gears realized that this was absolute madness and it needed to stop. He rallied the few willing staff and found a most delicious looking cake with coconut frosting and decided to throw her a small party. A surprise party, even. He approached Rights carefully and said, “Dr. Rights, I need your assistance.”

Rights turned slowly to Gears and asked menacingly, “With what?”

“It is a private matter. I cannot discuss it.”

“… oh really?”

“Yes. I’d like you to come with me to the break room where we can discuss this matter in private.”

“I’d never think you so brave, Gears.”

“I’m afraid I do not quite understand what you’re implying.”

“You know,” Rights imitated Gears’ monotone as best she could, “I need your assistance in the break room, Dr. Rights. We will be alone and in private.” She laughed and said, “As if I don’t know what you want.”

“If you know, then is coconut alright with you?”

“Coconut? Really? I didn’t know you liked it like that!”

“I am not fond of coconut, actually. However, it is the only kind I could find.”

“Ah, that’s okay. Come on, let’s go ‘discuss this matter.’” With that, the two walked to the break room.

As they entered, Gears turned on the light switch. The room had been decorated with various streamers and a banner reading ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY RIGHTS’ and the cake was on the center table. The group of willing staff jumped out from various hiding places and shouted, “SURPRISE!!”

Rights blinked, then stared at Gears. Someone had placed a party hat on his head while she was not looking. Rights’ baffled look slowly turned into joy as she said, “You’re a tricky bastard, Gears.”