Heistoween - SCP Foundation

Heistoween

Tonight was Halloween night, and Mike thought his Bigfoot costume was perfect: the hair looked realistic, it made him look much bigger while still allowing ease of movement, and most importantly he was totally unrecognisable while wearing it. That last bit was crucial, because he was going to wear it to rob a bank.

The Monies Exchange bank, to be precise. Bastards in management had fired him after one sick day and finessed their way out of paying him severance. Now he had to take his money the hard way.

He couldn't do it alone, which is why he had gathered a crew of likeminded people, who really wanted money and had the skills to go get it.

Anthony, the guy looking like some horrible bug thing, used to be a top costume designer back in Hollywood, but when his team started talking about unionising, they found themselves without a job. He's the one who made the costumes, and he is a little sad they'll have to ditch them after they're done.

Jo's husband has cancer, and her job as a sales assistant in a specialised hardware store doesn't pay nearly enough to cover the hospital bills. It does give her access to a bunch of power tools though. She keeps them in the back of her centaur costume.

The kid still adjusting his vampire mask is Conrad. He said his family owes some money to bad people, and he hasn't said much more. Mike thinks he's a good kid though, which is why he put him as their getaway driver. He wants him to get out if there's unexpected trouble.

In case of that unexpected trouble, they had Lucy. Mountain of a woman, and the werewolf suit only makes her more intimidating. She joined the group late so Anthony didn't have time to make her a costume, but she had this one ready. She said it's her kid's and she's borrowing it, but she showed the group pictures when talking about college tuition, and Mike thinks there's no way the little fella wears that size. He won't judge though, as long as the job gets done.

That's all of them, dressed to the nines, ready for their heist on halloween night.

The streets were already lively when Conrad dropped them off near the target.

There were a bunch of excited kids running around trick-or-treating, smart kids plotting which routes will get them the most candy, and lazy kids just buying them from a stand called "Scary Candies and Pastries". All the buildings were decorated with pumpkins, spiderwebs and fake blood. In the center of the plaza, a magician was making a skeleton puppet dance to his strings and do some pretty great tricks. And in the middle of all that, four soon-to-be robbers, blending in perfectly.

Anthony pointed at the little plotters and jokingly said that they were in the same line of business. Lucy thought it was funny but Mike told him to shut the hell up in public. After all, you don't want unwanted attention while heisting.

"Jerry! Hey, Jerry!

"Shut up James, I'm handling orders. By the way, would you mind doing your job and helping me out?"

"I'm doing our actual job moron, look there!"

"What- oh shit there's four of them, what do we do?"

"How about we close the stand before we discuss you-know-what stuff?"

"Right, let me just… I'm sorry kids and parents, but the shop must temporarily close. We're uh, out of pastries and have to make more. Have a spooky night, and goodbye!"

"Damn, those things are really just strolling around in broad moonlight."

"Yeah, luckily for us the Veil doesn't break as easily on halloween night. Who do you think they're with?"

"A gaggle of freaks like that? I'm guessing either Serpent's Hand or Miracle Liberation Front. We did hear reports of their activity in the area after all."

"Dangerous crowds then. What do we do about them?"

"What do you think? Call the Site for backup!"

The crew entered the bank through the back easily enough. Obviously, Mike's keycard had long since been revoked, but he had learned that the wall next to the back door was fitted with a small access panel. When opened –which Jo handled– it revealed a keypad that could unlock the door. The code was supposed to be changed regularly, but Mike knew for a fact that the maintenance staff was both understaffed and overworked, and such items ended up at the bottom of their agenda.

And as predicted, the door clicked open and they made their way in.

From there, it was almost a straight shot to the security room, where a guard was keeping an eye on all the bank's cameras. This job requires his undivided attention, and Lucy exploited that to sneak up behind him and knock him out. She boasted about the stuffed pads on the bottom of her suit's paws: modeled after real-life examples, they kept her steps from making too much sound. And they made walking around conventions much more comfortable, she added, before remembering to clarify that this was all according to her son. By this point, Mike was pretty sure no one was buying it.

They left Anthony in the security room to cover their backs while they headed for the vault. The bank was practically empty as the staff went home to spend the night with friends and family, those that stayed were easily avoided with Anthony's directions.

The vault door was big, and locked tight. It didn't have a wall panel to open it, but it still shouldn't be a problem for Jo.

"Trick or Treat." She joked as she tapped the lock with her drill. Mike smirked, and told her that what they would get tonight would be much sweeter than any candy.

Mike and Lucy left her to her work and positioned themselves around the door that connected the vault room to the main hall, keeping watch. Power tools did make a lot of noise, and were bound to draw some attention. They had always known this part would be the most complicated, so when Mike's earpiece buzzed and he heard Anthony's voice, he was fully expecting bad news.

"Mike, something's wrong, the whole surveillance system went dark."

"Shit, I told you to only erase all that stuff after we were done."

"I know! I didn't do anything, it just happened without warning and-"

"Anthony? I can't hear you, what's going on?"

"Footsteps coming my way, I'm getting out and joining up with you."

Mike turned to Lucy and nodded. They had both heard the same thing, and knew they had to prepare for trouble.

Trouble, as it turned out, came in the form of a full squad of people in full tactical suits bursting out from the hallway on the left and rushing towards them with gear like Mike had never seen before.

He barely had time to utter "What the fu-" before bullets flew and the two of them had to take cover behind a wall.

"YOU ARE OUTNUMBERED!" One of the attackers yelled. "STAND DOWN AND LET YOURSELF BE CONTAINED!". It sounded like a fancy word for going to jail, and none of them were keen on that.

Mike fired back three rounds. He didn't hit any of them, but they all took cover anyway. It was a standoff then, but not one they could win. Between the three of them –Jo had left the vault to join up– they had two handguns and one shotgun. The guys on the other side had…

Mike wasn't sure what they had exactly, so he tried to peek out and get a better look. He barely had time to see one of them open up a crate of what looked like grenades, before a bullet pierced the top of his mask and he quickly retreated. Thankfully, Bigfoot's head was much taller than his, and the bullet hadn't actually hit him.

"What do we do now?" Lucy asked.

"We all go out there, I'll draw their attention and cover for you two while you escape. Grab Anthony, go to Conrad, and get as far away as you can."

"And why should you be the one who stays behind? I'm the one you brought in to handle fights, remember?"

"You're here to win our fights, but there's no winning that one. Besides, this heist was my idea and I've got no family to come home to, it just makes sense. Now let's go!"

Foreword: MTF Omicron-31"spooksbusters" has tracked down a group of four anomalous entities to the inside of a banking establishment and have entered a firefight. These four entities have tentatively been designated "APE"1, "WOLF"2, "CENTAUR"3 and "BUG"4

The following footage is recorded from squad leader Alpha's body camera.

APE, WOLF and CENTAUR rush out of their cover, firing upon MTF Omicron-31 with conventional firearms. All members of MTF Omicron-31 take cover and Delta deploys a Grade 3 Augmented Incapacitator5. It stops in midair and activates, all three entities appear startled.

Despite the Incapacitator reaching peak activity, none of the entities are affected. Delta shrugs. APE fires again and advances towards MTF Omicron-31, while WOLF and CENTAUR run in the direction of a door to the right. Zeta throws a steel bolas at CENTAUR's rear legs. Upon being hit, the entity stumbles but continues running, seemingly unimpeded by the fact that its rear legs are now dragging on the ground.

APE aims its weapon towards Zeta, but is disarmed by a shot from Delta. The weapon drops behind a desk and APE dives after it, now out of sight. The Incapacitator deactivates and clatters to the ground.

WOLF and CENTAUR reach the door but find it to be locked. Beta and Gamma advance upon them, blocking WOLF's gunfire with reinforced shields.

Delta kicks the desk away from APE, who had discarded its weapon due to it being broken. Zeta tackles the entity to the ground and attempts to restrain it.

A noise from behind draws Alpha's attention and they turn to see BUG entering through the same door MTF Omicron-31 had come in. BUG stops dead in its tracks and attempts to run away, but Alpha catches up to the entity, throws it to the ground and restrains it.

Alpha begins to lead BUG towards the other three entities, when their attention is drawn by a loud crash overhead. They look up to see something falling through the bank's glass ceiling and landing heavily on the floor. It is a limp human body with all limbs disjointed, wearing a black and red attire.

BUG: Is that the magician from the plaza?

Suddenly, Alpha's camera is obscured by an explosion of black and orange confetti as the body rips apart and an animate skeleton jumps out of it. Alpha shoves BUG to the side.

Skeleton: Down with the Jailors!

APE: WHAT THE FUCK?!

Skeleton: Fear not my brethren, I have come to rescue you. Follow me and we shall-

The skeleton is interrupted by Alpha headbutting it. It recoils a few steps but soon steadies itself and takes a battle stance.

Alpha: Thick skull eh?

Skeleton: Typical jailor, you're not only content with stealing our knowledge and freedom, you also have to steal our jokes.

Alpha and the skeleton engage in hand-to-hand combat, exchanging a series of blows and throws. All four other entities stare at the scene and cease all other actions, save for shaking and incoherent mumbling. This allows all the other members of MTF Omicron-31 to apprehend and restrain them with ease.

Alpha throws a punch at the skeleton, but they miss and their arm becomes stuck in the entity's ribcage. The skeleton firmly grasps Alpha's shoulders and maintain them in place while it begins rotating its ribcage independetly from the rest of its body.

A loud crack is heard as Alpha's arm breaks in multiple locations. The skeleton steps away and releases Alpha, who collapses on the ground in pain.

The skeleton flashes a victorious smile, which quickly fades once it realises it is surrounded by the rest of MTF Omicron-31, weapons drawn.

Skeleton: Guess I'm boned.

It chuckles.

Skeleton: Or not.

Bringing its fingers to its mouth, it whistles a tune from Bobby Pickett's "Monster Mash". All members of MTF Omicron-31 immediately drop their weapons and begin dancing erratically. From their facial expressions, it is clear they have no control over these actions6. The camera shakes as Alpha begins dancing, despite their broken arm and still being collapsed on the ground.

The skeleton approaches the four other entities, who are also gesticulating rhytmically, their restraints preventing them from fully dancing. It snaps next to each of their ears and they all stop moving.

WOLF, APE, BUG and CENTAUR, all in unison: WHAT THE FUCK?!

Skeleton: Oh this? Just a seasonal cognitohazard. It will not hold them for long however, did you have a plan to leave?

APE: Uh yeah, but…

Skeleton: Wonderful, let me have a look.

The skeleton places its forehead against APE's, who startles and backs away. The skeleton grabs APE's face and brings it back against its forehead.

Skeleton: Oh come on, this is hardly the time to be shy, and besides this doesn't count as skin contact.

The skeleton stays still for a moment.

Skeleton: Ah? A little lower?

It shifts its position against APE's face.

Skeleton: I see, a van! Let us away then!

The skeleton chants and draws a glowing circle in the air. The circle widens over the group and descends, they disappear as it engulfs them. CENTAUR is heard screaming in terror before disappearing, for reasons unknown.

Alpha performs a dance move that involves swinging both of their arms. They yell, but notice that the pain from their broken arm has released them from the compulsion. They quickly go around slapping all members of MTF Omicron-31 until all have been freed.

Alpha: Search every van in the area! Don't let them get away!

Mike was staring at the ring of light when it engulfed him and he suddenly found himself in the back of their getaway van. He instantly felt dizzy and stumbled backwards before he felt Lucy's hand holding him steady. He could feel she was shaking.

Jo was still screaming, and she scrambled to put as much distance between her and the skeleton. This alerted Conrad to their presence, and he leaned back from the driver's seat.

"Oh hey guys, when did you come back?" His gaze shifted across all five of them. "Hold on, who's this?"

The skeleton perked up: "My name is Fabien, Vice-captain of the regional Serpent's Hand cell. Nice to meet all of you." It extended a hand towards Conrad, who reached out to shake it.

"Sure, nice to meet you too. I didn't know we were gonna work with a gang tonight, but I guess you knew in advance because your costume rocks! How are you even doing that?" It was then that he grasped the hand and squeezed. Mike saw his eyes widen under the mask and he pulled his hand away, staring at it.

The skeleton –Mike still hadn't processed the fact it had said its name– turned to adress the group.

"Now folks, I understand that we all feel a little more daring on Halloween night, and that we all want to enjoy a fun and free night out; but seriously you should have known that a group as flashy as yours would attract the wrong people's attention. You're lucky I was out partying myself."

"This doesn't make any sense!" Jo shouted from her spot in the back.

Fabien –Mike was now pondering the fact it had a normal person's name– made a face that looked like it would have been raising an eyebrow, if it had one. "Sure it does. The Jailors and their ilk have caught on to our escapades and they know to be on the lookout for groups that stand out: large groups or varied ones. Next time you should put a bit of effort in looking slightly fake."

Anthony gulped. "Wait so you… you think we're like you?"

This time, Fabien appeared as confused as the crew. "What do you mean?"

Then, Mike took off his mask. "We uh, we were just wearing these to rob that bank."

Conrad, Jo and Anthony followed his example. "These are just costumes, I made them to be very detailed so they'd hide our identities. They worked, I guess."

Lucy took hers off as well. "And I'm just a furry. 'S mom. A furry's mom."

Fabien's jaw dropped to the floor. "Oh I royally messed up, didn't I?"

There was a long moment of silence as everyone in the van went deep in thought.

"So you're like, magic?" Conrad asked.

"No, not exactly."

"Ah, alright."

"Oh but, magic is real. It's just not what I am."

The silence resumed for a while, before being interrupted by a rustling sound. Jo was taking the rest of her costume off. "Look, I don't want to deal with all this crazy stuff okay? I just want to go home and since none of those black ops guys have seen us without our costumes, I'll just ditch mine and go. Like we planned to do, back when this was a regular heist."

She shuffled out of the legs part, picked it up to retrieve her toolbag which was stashed in the rear, folded the legs and handed them off to Anthony. They must have weighed heavier than he expected, because he let them slip and they fell to the floor with a "THUNK".

A "THUNK"?

They all stared at the pile of fabric, worried, until Anthony picked them back up and revealed the source of the noise.

"Oh right, that bolas they threw at you."

"I forgot it was there. Now that I'm looking at it closely, it looks awfully high-tech."

"It sure does. And it's beeping, too."

"It must have cost them a lot to make. Shame it didn't work and they're gonna lose it."

The group chuckled. Then, a look of realisation passed over their faces.

"IT'S BEEPING!" They all yelled, and Anthony bolted to the back window, throwing costume and bolas through the glass.

They watched as the bundle flew through the fresh night air, over some of the cars that were parked in the street… then hit one hard and cracked its windshield.

Everyone held their breath for a moment, hoping, before the car's alarm inevitably started blaring.

"Conrad?"

"Yeah Mike?"

"Get us out of here."

"On it!"

The van's wheels screeched as it barrelled out of its parking spot and sped away from the scene.

"How fast do you think you can get us out of the city?"

"Pretty fast: look at these streets. There's no one here, I won't have to worry about traffic."

Then Fabien said something no one liked: "Uh oh."

"What's wong?"

"Why do you think there's no traffic?" And without waiting for an answer, Fabien pointed a boney hand through the hole in the window. "So they can catch us without witnesses.

"They" were a pack of bikers in tactical uniforms, speeding after the van. One of the bikes was dragging a sidecar, and in that sidecar was a person with one arm in a sling, aiming a gun at them with their remaining hand. They fired, and the rest of the squad followed suit.

The crew and Fabien backed away towards the front of the van and ducked. They could hear the gunfire, see the dents forming where the bullets impacted. Mike found himself worrying about how to explain the damage to his insurance.

Conrad swerved hard, to get out of their sight, but the bikes soon caught up.

"They'll be on us soon. Can you guys shoot back or something?"

"We could, if Fabien had teleported our guns with us."

"I'm sorry, I didn't think to pick them up. We usually do not need those, you know."

"Alright well can you do something then?"

"From this distance? No. But I have an idea. Driver! Take the next right!"

"Sure!"

"Good, now left!"

This went on for some time Fabien directing Conrad while the four others huddled in a corner, hoping with all their might the van could sustain more fire. Mike risked a look through the back window, and noticed they were surrounded by warehouses and factories.

"Hey, this is the industrial zone! We're going away from the city's exit!"

"We wouldn't make it to the exit, but I know a place around here we can leave through. There's a Way."

"In here? No, the best way to go would be to turn around to the city center and try to lose them in here, they cant have cut off all the traffic everywhere."

"No, I just told you, there's a Way. Right you don't know, see it's like a-" the rest of his sentence was cut off by a loud pop as one of their pursuers finally hit the van's tires.

The vehicle began drifting out of control, propelling them against the walls. Finally, it stopped. Fabien sprung to action, throwing the side door open and hurrying them all outside. Before they had time to start running, they heard the sounds of motorbikes approaching and slowing down.

Fabien seemed to hesitate for a moment, before he –Mike suddenly realised he had stopped thinking of Fabien as an "it"– sighed and reached his hand through his neck, into his skull. Jo gagged. Fabien pulled out a shiny card and handed it to Mike, pressing it tight in his palm.

"See that old warehouse in front of us? Get in, walk backwards into the far left corner and tap that card seven times against both walls. It will open the Way out for you. Take the others, I will hold the Jailors back."

"But-"

"No time to argue. I got you into a bigger mess than you deserved, it's only right that I get you out of it. Besides, I've fought the Jailors plenty of time, I know they won't kill me. Not that they can, really."

Lucy interjected "But we're not even the "brethren" you thought we were!"

Fabien flashed them a toothy smile "I know. And you can be so much more."

He turned away and walked towards the sound of stomping books, before looking at them one last time. "While you're there, try to learn as much as you can. Do it for me."

The rest, Mike only remembered hazily. He remembered that they all ran through the warehouse's doors while shouts and gunfire echoed behind them. He remembered backing into the wall, following Fabien's instructions, and falling into a warm light. He remembered a lot of books, and a ghost shushing the group. According to Lucy, that was when he fainted.

"Wait, I don't get it, why do I have to share a cell with this thing?"

"A thorough analysis of the facts and evidence shows that you mobilised and lost a lot of resources tonight, even going as far as implementing a wide-area lockdown, all to pursue a group of civilians who were comitting a non-anomalous crime."

"But that was because of the report from those two-"

"These surveillance agents have been reprimanded and disciplined, but we believe you bear more blame after failing to recognise the truth of your situation and escalating beyond what was necessary."

"At least put me anywhere else, please."

"Our temporary holding cells are full at the moment. This is quite the busy night, you understand, and it doesn't help that a certain incident gave us a great deal of witnesses to amnesticize."

"There has to be something, we can still work this out."

"This is non-negotiable. Now if you'll excuse me, I have more pressing matters to attend to."

SLAM

"If it is of any help at all Jailor, I can say that at least one of us two is finding this situation very humerous."

"YOU-"

Footnotes

1. Leader figure, previously believed to be an instance of SCP-1000 but was seen resisting a normally fatal wound.

2. Believed to be in advanced stages of Theriatrhopy.

3. Origin unknown.

4. Believed to be an instance of SCP-████, how it escaped current containment procedures is unknown.

5. A device exploiting thaumaturgical backlash to induce sharp pain in beings with EVE levels above baseline.

6. The post-mission debrief would reveal that all felt forced to imitate what they believed to be the titular "monster mash", with Epsilon notably performing the choreography associated with the song in the "Just Dance" game series.