RONALD REAGAN CUT UP WHILE RAPPING - SCP Foundation

Item #: SCP-1981

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1981 is to be kept inside a secure video storage unit at the media archive of Site ██. When in use, SCP-1981 should not be removed from its casing or exposed to any strong magnetic sources. A Betamax home video system and an analog television has been provided in Observation Theatre 02 at Site ██, as well as video equipment to record viewings.

Following the events of 2 November and the cessation of SCP-2798, SCP-1981 has been reclassified as Keter. SCP-1981 is one of the hundreds of unrelated anomalies affected by SCP-001, which has succeeded in locating and properly identifying the population of Earth, resuming its direct influence over anomalous activity on Earth and local environs as of 2 November 2016. This includes the spontaneous disappearance and reappearance outside of Foundation custody of previously contained phenomena, in new iterations that have been altered to cause greater amounts of difficulty in containment apparently. SCP-1981 is one of the most dangerous of these anomalies altered and therefore requires a Post-Serapsis Containment Protocol.

SCP-1981 is currently contained by Post-Serapsis Containment Protocol ESSKEETIT-CONTRA. Protocol ESSKEETIT-CONTRA is to consist of Foundation-operated web analysis bot Alpha-20 ("DROPOUT"), which is to monitor [REDACTED FOR PERSONNEL 1981/3 AND LOWER] for SCP-1981 and immediately issue a DMCA takedown for any webpages hosted by that company. It is then to contact Dersh.aic, the head of the Foundation's team of artificially intelligent lawyers, who are then to issue as many suits against the hosting company as possible. Although Foundation resources are thin, as many cultural engineering resources as possible have to go towards [REDACTED FOR PERSONNEL 1981/3 AND LOWER] tastes in art away from SCP-1981 and towards differing approaches to its [REDACTED FOR PERSONNEL 1981/3 AND LOWER].

A single copy of the video for SCP-1981 is to be kept in the secure video storage unit at the media archive of Site ██, and a single audio file is to be attached to this article.

Description: SCP-1981 is a standard Betamax tape. "RONALD REGAN CUT UP WHILE TALKING"(sic) has been handwritten on the adhesive sticker in felt tip pen. Laboratory analysis indicates that SCP-1981 is made of ordinary material, and serial numbers correspond with home cassette tapes produced in September of 1980. SCP-1981 appears to be a home video recording of former United States President Ronald Reagan delivering his "Evil Empire" speech to the National Association of Evangelicals at Sheraton Twin Towers Hotel, Orlando, FL on 3/8/1983. However, at 1 minute and 10 seconds, the speech begins to deviate heavily, eventually resembling no known speech ever made by Reagan. Beginning at approximately 5 minutes, multiple incisions, lacerations and penetration wounds can be seen being slowly inflicted, though no corresponding source of these wounds is visible. Despite suffering bodily harm that would likely incapacitate an ordinary person, Reagan will continue to deliver his speech until either his vocal cords are severed or the tape degrades to static at 22:34.

SCP-1981 is [REDACTED] ██████████████████████████████████ in conjuction with the PoI known as ████, alongside SCP-████, SCP-███ ███, and the GoI known as "██████ ██████ ████." whose members have been similarly altered by SCP-001. SCP-1981 is notable for [REDACTED] and plays for [DATA EXPUNGED] ███ ████. ██ [REDACTED] universally described as "fucking corny" by D-class. ████████ ███ ████ ███████ [DATA EXPUNGED] ███████

[REDACTED]. ███ ██████ ██████ ██████ ██████ ██████ ██████ ███ [REDACTED]██ ███ ███ █████ ███ ███ ██████ ███ █ before shooting himself in the head, cutting off his foot, stabbing himself in the heart, crushing his spleen with his fists, and then loudly proclaiming "Thanks I hate it."

+ [REDACTED FOR PERSONNEL 1981/3 AND LOWER]

- Welcome Site Director, may God have mercy on your soul

The sole audio example of SCP-1981 is attached below. It is preceded by a standard anti-cognitohazard disclaimer from members of the O5 Council. Any notions that the previous database entry have been unfunny window dressing for SCP-1981 are to be discarded.

Good luck, fucker.

LYRICS:

YO!

(This is the Hanged King's FAT mixtape!)

(beats by dado)

(Gamers Against Weed, y'all)

(SCP! 19! 81!)

I’m from a kingdom level above human n’ I’m here to spit

That I drop those taxes, cause small gubmmit’s the shit!

My world salad horror drives you round the bend

Twelve! Eighteen! Now there I go again!

Unravellers eat these rhymes as I spit them out fine

And the wound on my neck won’t stop me this time

The sadness the blackness the darkness the crunk

Mr. Gorbachev (Da?) turn up this funk!

Object class safe cause I don’t do crime

And the beast in the night will roll in the slime

A pious pit in a vile bath

And I kick politics down a drooling path

And there are known knowns and there are unknown knowns

And there are unknown flows and unknowns at my show

Some of them are in the audience right now!

We got a lotta fuckin Daeva in this here crowd!

Billions of dead souls inside containment

What we gonna do? (Stop Al-Qaeda!)

There’s a hole in the wall in the bottom of the floor

My conservatism? Disgusting gore!

Woo! I rock the mic

Like the heart with the spider legs talking all night

The American People face a terrible schism

Come on down to the White House for cannibalism

(I see you)

[Hook]

I’ve seen the offices of Google and the mountains of Alaska

The derelict houses in the cornfields of Nebraska

If the right eye offends then seek emancipation

A hokey smile that damns a whole nation

Now get on up and cut up a baby

Shake your ass on the floor like you’re talking crazy

I turn hearts to filth and I know to get down

Eaten whole by void, boy I like that sound

I’m the sum of all your nighttime fears

May the USA reign for a thousand years

I drink blood from Putin’s skull I turned into a cup

I’m Ronald Reagan, bitch, and I’m all cut up!

(I see circles that are not circles, [scratching] that are not circles,)

(I see circles that are not circles, [scratching] not circles)

(Now there you go again)