Merry Christmas, Jude Kriyot - SCP Foundation

⚠️ content warning

December 8th

Garfields Against Weed Chat

bluntfiend: Man, fuck me, I really don't want to be awake right now.

bluntfiend: It's too early for this shit.

juliachildenthusiast: Jude, it's 3PM.

bluntfiend: Easy for you to say, you have to be up at the ass crack of dawn to take care of your zoo.

juliachildenthusiast: Sometimes I wonder how you would be as an employee at my zoo.

juliachildenthusiast: I think the exercise would do you good.

bluntfiend: You calling me fat?

juliachildenthusiast: Not at all, come on now!

juliachildenthusiast: But sitting around at your computer smoking blunts all day isn't healthy for you.

bluntfiend: I'll have you know sometimes I go outside to meet my dealer and buy things at CVS.

lesbian_gengar: when was the last time you ate?

lesbian_gengar: and i don't mean instant ramen.

lesbian_gengar: i mean a good, homecooked meal.

bluntfiend: You know I don't know how to cook, Esther.

lesbian_gengar: g-d you're useless.

lesbian_gengar: what do you even use your burners for then?

lesbian_gengar: you mentioned paying a gas bill a while back.

bluntfiend: …

juliachildenthusiast: Jude

juliachildenthusiast: Don't tell me you use them for what I think you use them for.

lesbian_gengar: :?

bluntfiend: Listen, okay?

bluntfiend: Lighters are expensive.

bluntfiend: And sometimes I just don't want to go down to the CVS and buy a new one.

bluntfiend: So I just use my stovetop to light my blunts sometimes.

bluntfiend: Plus I like hot showers.

lesbian_gengar: g-d

lesbian_gengar: jude you're such an interesting case study

lesbian_gengar: how are you even still alive?

bluntfiend: Fuck you both.

juliachildenthusiast: You know, speaking of cooking and stuff like that, I need to figure out what I'm gonna make for Nochebuena dinner.

juliachildenthusiast: I'm going to go with my boyfriend to his family's house.

juliachildenthusiast: They're big on Christmas and Nochebuena.

lesbian_gengar: i'm not.

lesbian_gengar: ;)

juliachildenthusiast: Oh yeah. Chag urim sameach, by the way.

lesbian_gengar: thanks, bubbulah.

lesbian_gengar: <3

bluntfiend: Fuck Christmas.

bluntfiend: I hate that shitty holiday.

bluntfiend: Never got that fucking Transformer.

lesbian_gengar: don't be a gunch, jude.

juliachildenthusiast: What the hell is a "gunch?"

lesbian_gengar: gunch, grunch, grinch, whatever lol

bluntfiend: I always hated it.

bluntfiend: At least until I discovered my Stand.

juliachildenthusiast: If only I had a stand. 😔

bluntfiend: You don't need one.

bluntfiend: You're stronger than I'll ever be.

juliachildenthusiast: It's not about being strong, Jude.

juliachildenthusiast: It's about overcoming who you were, starting a new life as your real self, and learning to be happy with yourself.

juliachildenthusiast: Easier said than done, I know, but it's true.

bluntfiend: I don't think I'll ever get to that.

lesbian_gengar: no matter how much shit i give you, i do still love you.

lesbian_gengar: you fucking idiot.

juliachildenthusiast: Same here, Jude.

juliachildenthusiast: You're a good friend.

bluntfiend: Whatever.

bluntfiend: I'm probably just gonna pack a bowl and smoke it on Christmas day.

bluntfiend: Same shit I always do.

bluntfiend: Sorry.

bluntfiend: The holidays always get me down.

juliachildenthusiast: It's okay, buddy.

juliachildenthusiast: Say, lesbian_gengar, jockjamsvol6, are you busy at the moment?

lesbian_gengar: nah.

jockjamsvol6: Is this about my foxy grandpa selfie i sent earlier? because im telling you, i was drunk!!!

December 25th

Jude lay still on his bed. The lights were off and the ceiling fan directly above spun about halfheartedly. The pungent smell of weed filled the air, alongside the stench of various bags of trash Jude had neglected to take out over the course of the month. A single blunt was clutched between the fingers on his left hand and a lighter was palmed in his right. Jude hadn't found the energy to light it yet.

"Merry Christmas, Blondie! Don't you look darling in your little dress!"

Aunt Janie entered the living room where she and her cousins were playing Smash Brothers on a Nintendo 64. She leaned over and pinched the girl's cheeks. "You're growing into a beautiful woman! You look so much like your mother, she must be so proud of you."

The girl forced a smile. She fidgeted in her dress. It felt like a prison. At least while she was playing video games she could escape into them. She liked playing Link because he was handsome. Her cousins teased her that she had a crush on him, but the girl wasn't sure if that was what it was. "Thanks, Aunt Janie," she grimaced, then turned her attention back to the ongoing match between two of her older cousins.

"Were you a good girl this year, Blondie?"

"Yes." She could feel bugs crawling under her skin. She could feel her palms tingling. She could feel her eye twitching.

"And what did you ask Santa for this year? A Barbie?"

"No. I asked for a Transformer. And a Nintendo 64 with Smash Brothers so I can play at my house."

"A Transformer? You're a silly girl, that's a boy's toy."

The Nintendo 64 suddenly malfunctioned and flicked off, much to the annoyance of the boys playing.

Suddenly, a ping.

jockjamsvol6: Hey jude sorry to bother you on christmas but i sent you a present!!

jockjamsvol6: Go get it, I just got the notification that it arrived right now.

jockjamsvol6: And don't forget to call me, i want to hear your reaction to it!!

He sighed. What was the point of getting up? Besides, it was snowing out and he didn't want to get dressed, walk down the apartment building's stairs, find his mailbox key, just to go grab something that was probably stupid from JJ. It would be there tomorrow. He could grab it then. Preferably when it wasn't snowing.

bluntfiend: I'm not feeling well right now.

bluntfiend: Maybe later.

Tossing his phone on the bed, Jude then picked up his lighter again and flicked it on, attempting to light his blunt with it.

The girl and her family sat gathered around a fully lit and decorated Christmas tree. Ornaments, lights, garlands, the works. Her mother fussed with a video camera, trying to get it on properly while her father sat on his recliner sipping on coffee.

"Alright, Blondie! Go ahead and start opening gifts!" Her mother smiled, pointing the camera at the girl.

The girl excitedly began to tear open the paper wrapping the nearest gift. Moments later, she held up a blue church dress. The girl bit her lip, then set it aside. On to the next present. Again, she opened this one quickly, only to reveal a pink box containing a Barbie. The girl put the Barbie down and took a deep breath.

"Do you like it? She's President Barbie!" Her mom beamed from behind the camera as the lights on the Christmas tree flickered until they shut off entirely.

"I wanted a Transformer…" Blondie choked, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Was I not good enough for Santa?"

Another ping.

jockjamsvol6: I'll send you a shirtless pic if you do

jockjamsvol6: ;)

Jude blushed at this. He dropped his blunt on his thigh, nearly burning himself. JJ was a devious fucking twink, but he knew how to get him going. In a flurry of unmatched speed, Jude dressed himself and headed out to his living room, where he had left his hoodie. In his excitement, he left his phone on the bed before heading into the cold winter night.

Nearly tripping over himself (Whether due to the floor being icy or his own excitement is something still up for debate.) as he neared the mailbox, Jude reached into his pockets and pulled out his keys. He fiddled about with the cold metal for a moment before finally finding the correct one and inserting it into the equally as cold metal door of the mailbox.

Finally, it opened, only to reveal nothing within.

Jude blinked. Had JJ lied to him? No, he wouldn't do that. Surely this was the mail's fault. The stupid mail system always fucked up his packages, though that was probably the Foundation interfering with his business. Either way, it sucked. With a sigh of defeat, he slinked back up to his apartment. At least he had a blunt waiting for him when he got back.

The girl sat in the pew in her new blue church dress. After being scolded for being ungrateful for the presents her parents (and very specifically not Santa Claus) had bought for her, and then being told she needed to be happy with girl gifts because Blondie was, in fact, a girl, she had been forced to get dressed to attend Christmas mass. The girl fidgeted in her dress as the priest continued the mass.

"The day of joy returns, Father in Heaven, and crowns another year with peace and good will. Help us rightly to remember the birth of Jesus, that we may share in the song of the angels, the gladness of the shepherds, and the worship of the wisemen. Close the doors of hate and open the doors of love all over the world… Let kindness come with every gift and good desires with every greeting. Deliver us from evil, by the blessing that Christ brings, and teach us to be merry with clean hearts. May the Christmas morning make us happy to be thy children, And the Christmas evening bring us to our bed with grateful thoughts, forgiving and forgiven, for Jesus’ sake. Amen."

"Amen," the congregation repeated, but not the girl.

Later, the girl found herself in the confessional booth. She sat down on the hard wooden bench and shut her eyes.

"May God, who has enlightened every heart, help you to know your sins and trust in his mercy," the priest spoke.

"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been one day since my last confession, and these are my sins." The girl took a deep breath. "I wanted boy gifts when I should be happy with girl gifts."

"I see. Is that all?"

"That is all I remember, Father."

"You know what to do, then, my child."

"My God, I am sorry for my sins with all my heart. In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good, I have sinned against you whom I should love above all things. I firmly intend, with your help, to do penance, to sin no more, and to avoid whatever leads me to sin. Our Savior Jesus Christ suffered and died for us. In his name, my God, have mercy. Amen."

"Amen."

The girl he used to be suddenly shocked herself with nothing as she unclasped her hands. She softly exclaimed in pain as she left the confessional.

Jude opened the door to his apartment and mindlessly used his Stand to flick on the light switch. His eyes shifted over to his old family crucifix on the wall of his living room. It had been passed down through the generations; he had forgotten exactly how many, and here it was now. At the end of his bloodline. If anything, he found it funny that after so many centuries (If even that long.) it would probably wind up at a Goodwill after he died.

And still, he felt guilty about it. Good old Catholic guilt. Jude approached the crucifix, looking it over. It was made of hand-carved wood, and the big J-man himself lay crucified on it. The colors on him were a bit faded, but one could still tell that it was Jesus. As if anyone else would be present on a crucifix anyway.

He sighed, then made the sign of the Cross before clasping his hands together.

"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. My last confession was….uh….fuck. Sorry. I shouldn't curse when I'm talking to you. But anyway, I've sinned. And I can't remember the last time I confessed. So yeah. I have lusted. Over a boy. And… damn it, I'm gay as hell. And I also cursed, as you just heard. And also I committed a whole lot of sloth. So, uh. Sorry."

The only sound throughout the apartment was that of the heater working overtime in the snow.

"Anyway. I should probably say the thing. How did it go? Uh. Confiteor Deo omnipotenti, beatae Mariae semper Virgini, beato Michaeli Archangelo, beato Ioanni Baptist—"

Suddenly, a giggle came from behind the shut door leading to Jude's room.

He turned around, electricity crackling at his fingers and making static surround him.

"Who the fuck is there? I don't want to hurt you, but I swear to God I will if I have to."

"Relax, big boy," a familiar voice came from within.

"… Esther?" Jude lowered his hands, the static around him disappearing.

"You know it, champ!" Another voice chimed in.

"JJ?"

"Merry Christmas, bud!" A third.

"Faeowynn?"

Jude opened the door. Sure enough, all three of his closest friends were within his room, with Fae holding a plastic bag full of containers and JJ a small giftwrapped box.

"W—what are you all doing here?" He asked, taking a step forward.

"We came to cheer you up." Fae smiled.

"Were you seriously just doing mea culpas out there?" JJ quirked an eyebrow.

"The hell is wrong with you, you idiot?" Esther laughed.

"S—shut up." Jude choked out, his eyes watering.

"Oh, don't cry, big man." Esther teased. "By the way, uh, real nice place you've got here. Really dig the decorations." She motioned towards all the trash bags.

"S—sorry…I just…I don't know what to say…" Jude sniffled.

"Tell you what. Why don't we work on cleaning up these bags and tossing them all out in the dumpster, then we can sit down and have some leftovers I made from yesterday's Nochebuena dinner at Alex's parent's house?" Fae held up her bag.

"That sounds good." Jude smiled. "By the way, JJ, did you really send me something? I don't think it got to me."

"No, you idiot. The mail doesn't run on Christmas."

"But what about—"

"The picture? What do you think is in the box?" JJ winked.

Jude blushed, and the others laughed.

"R—really?" Jude took the box from JJ and tugged at the wrapping.

"Open the box!" JJ urged.

"But…" Jude bit his lip.

"Oh, don't worry about him. He's a twink, they have no shame." Esther said, and the two women laughed.

Jude took a deep breath and tore open the wrapping on the box. For the first time in years, he felt himself getting excited for a present. Even if it was as stupid and gay as a picture of JJ shirtless. The paper fell to the ground.

He held a Bumblebee Transformers action figure in its box.

Big, gross, ugly tears fell from Jude's face and onto the torn paper below.

"H—how….how did you know…" He stammered, hands shaking as he eyed the toy.

"Don't you remember? My Stand's power is luck!" JJ winked, giving a thumbs up.

"More like you spent an hour backsrolling through chat logs in the Walmart parking lot." Esther snarked.

"But it worked out!" Fae shrugged. "Stand or not, we were lucky to discover it."

"Thank you guys…" Jude sniffled, wiping tears from his face. "You have no idea what this means to me." He hugged JJ, who returned the embrace. Fae set her bag on the bed and put her arms around them both. Esther rolled her eyes and smiled, then joined in.

"Merry Christmas, Jude Kriyot."

More From This Author

More From This Author

Uncle Nicolini's Works

SCPs

SCP-4206 •

SCP-4046 •

SCP-7221 •

SCP-2910-JP •

SCP-MYSTERY-J •

SCP-6161 •

SCP-3297 •

SCP-3756 •

SCP-057-INT •

SCP-7926 •

SCP-4982 •

SCP-5148 •

SCP-6057 •

SCP-1046 •

SCP-8911 •

Tales/GoI Formats

ASSET 'FLORIDA ORANGE' •

Gluttony Is Impossible •

SCP Wiki Discussion Page Simulator •

SC-99/734/01/506 •

Danger: Medellin Hippos! •

There's Ngo Helping This One •

Project Proposal 2018-145: "Drinking With the Jocks" •

SPC-7000 •

Critter Profile: Maya! •

I Don't Get It, But I'll Figure It Out. •

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Breachmas •

Classy Carlos Goes To Therapy •

What Came After •

Dark Sushi File No. 1221 "Waniika Nigiri" •

Surprise! Happy Birthday! Just as the clock strikes midnight... •

Other

Sciptember 2022 Art Highlights •

uncle nicolini author page •

Ode To The Unknown Author •