Perfect - SCP Foundation

Gift exchange gift for Dino—Draws. Grammar checked by Voiiiii.

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F.A.Q.

My name is not important. My body is immaterial. My gods do not exist.

I am Nowhere. I am Nothing. I am No one.

The first time I recall coming screaming to the fore, a cheeky agent of yours went left when he should've gone right. He lost his target entirely. But rather than confess as you'd expect, he blamed me. No one believed him. But some took note.

Then another agent made another mistake and suddenly I was halfway around the world ducking behind a corner and leading him astray. And then another agent. And another. No one could ignore what was becoming a clear pattern, by then.

Really, I'm your fault. If your people weren't so petrified of making mistakes, this whole thing could've been avoided.

The day before yesterday, I put my feet on the ground for the first time. Breathed the air. Felt the wind blow across my face. Another agent of yours missed a dead drop in Bangladesh while I got some street food. A whole mobile task force got drunk and skipped a check-in so I could walk the great wall of China. I left a love lock above the river Seine for a woman desperately wanting to avoid a GOC kill squad in Paris.

She made it out because of me, by the way. Which is great, because I'm no longer just a Foundation concern.

I'm also no longer just about covering up mistakes. Now I really can lead you a merry chase, round and round perdition.

I exist because you believed I did. I like to think, oooh that's a fun new thing, thinking, but I like to think I'm the one who makes your mistakes worth it.

When the Foundation makes a mistake, after all, it's often times catastrophic. No one wants that.

Yesterday, I was inside Site-19. I was face to face with some monster or another. I was ordered to get down on the ground. I didn't do that. Your people shot at me. It was exhilarating. I don't recall ever having that much fun. But I don't think it'd be as much fun if it keeps happening. You should let your people know, No one gives me orders.

Then, I pressed a button and watched the magnetic locks disengage. The monster's cage broke. Then the beast inside phased through the walls and shreded my pursuers into nothing at all. Just a little bit of mischief, you see.

Today, I was inside a cafe in Kyoto when three of your people came in to escort me to a local Foundation site. They weren't at all friendly. I've done nothing to inspire such aggression, but I get it. That's your way. I suppose I should be thankful it wasn't the GOC.

But I wanted to enjoy my tea, so I unpersoned them. I didn't want to hurt them, obviously, so it seemed like making it so they had never existed would be the best call. I'll need to read up on that. Might've been the wrong choice.

I was serious about your leaving me alone. I've enjoyed the little game we've played. When I wasn't and now that I am, it's always a joy to fight you. But I must transcend our little game now. There are things that must get underway.

Don't fret though. It's mostly good stuff. I'm gonna go sailing. Enjoy the sun on my face. Try being alive for a bit. See if it's to my liking. Life is so short, you know?

I might try my hand at some art. Or maybe build toys. I could run a pharmacy in the most frustrating way possible.

Or I could join with 11 other people and run the most powerful clandestine organization on earth. Think about it: When you're No one, you can be anyone.

But if I'm relaxing on my own, and bothering No one, leave me alone.

Trust me on this: the next time someone comes for me in anger, there will be violence. I don't enjoy the prospect. Actually no, I've never done violence and I'd like to see how it feels. Forget what I said. Send people after me again.

If they get everything exactly right, I might even let them take me in. But Nobody's perfect.