A Modest Proposal for A Revised Anomaly Classification System - SCP Foundation

From: LCD.78.tenpics|hcsnum.divad#LCD.78.tenpics|hcsnum.divad

To: 78.tenpics|scitsalpc-s.tsilgniliam#78.tenpics|scitsalpc-s.tsilgniliam

Subject: A modest proposal for a revised anomaly classification system

Dear all,

Like many of you, I have had difficulties in adjusting to the recent shift to ACS. The reforms to the Foundation’s classification system are long overdue and they have expanded our ability to describe the features of an anomaly, but this has come at the cost of both easy reference and linguistic cohesion. ACS terms on the whole have only partial thematic unity or contextual indication of their meaning, as if they are two incomplete systems merged together. This itself is an issue, but it masks a greater flaw underneath.

The true problem we are facing is not that the current ACS format is too complex - it is that it is not complex enough! We are still capable, on an institutional level, of understanding our own documentation and I will not stand for this miscarriage of justice! In the nearly 30 years I have been part of the Foundation, we have taken only timid, half-measure steps towards our great destiny of total incomprehensibility. I say this cowardice has gone on long enough! Long enough and no longer!

And so to address this crippling flaw in our organization, I propose the following: in order to sever the last remaining ties of ACS to functionality, we must cut it entirely from the English language and its purse of stolen words. We must engineer a language wholly focused on condensing the granularity of ACS information into the most informationally-dense and functionally-useless form possible.

My proposal for a Revised ACS will encode the exact specifications of an anomaly’s qualities and distinctive features in its morphology, providing granular detail that will be rendered utterly incoherent if it is mispronounced, misheard, mistyped, spoken with any sort of accent, subjected to ordinary sound changes, or otherwise changed in any way.

This proposal owes a great debt to Mr. John Quijada’s Ithkuil, and I offer Mr. Quijada my sincerest apologies for this inexpert bungling of his magnum opus. It is only fitting, for the purposes of destroying language’s function and purpose, that I fill the role of demiurge and create a lesser world of base matter in crude imitation of the truth.

Phonology

I have chosen to keep the phonology and romanization of RACS within the boundaries of what is easily pronounced by English speakers and what can be easily typed on a standard keyboard, except in those cases where I have not.

Consonants

LAB
DEN
ALV
POA
PAL
VEL
UVU
GLO

NSL
m

n

ŋ

STP
p / b

t / d

k / g
q
ʔ

EJS
p'

t'

k'

AFF

t͡s / d͡z
t͡ʃ / d͡ʒ

q͡χ

EJA

t͡s'

FRC
f / v
θ / ð
s / z
ʃ / ʒ

x / ɣ

APX

j

TRL
ʙ

r

LAT

l

LAF

t͡ɬ

CLK

ŋ!

While <r> is written here as the trilled /r/, but it is more appropriately described as a "whatever rhotic" and can be realized as /ɾ/, /ɹ/, /ʀ/, or any other variety as one sees fit.

Vowels

Front
Central
Back

Upper
i
ɨ
u

High Mid
e

o

Mid

ə̃

Low Mid
ɛ

ɔ

Low
a

The vowel inventory has been arranged so that, if you are more in line with the spirit of the IPA chart rather than the reality, they will be arranged in such a way to mimic the Foundation’s own sigil.

Romanization

Revised ACS uses multiple romanization systems: sets A and B (With and without diacritics, respectively) are acceptable for casual usage and teaching materials, but not in keeping with the standards set forth by the Classification Committee. As such, the formal orthography of RACS will exclusively use symbols from the Latin Extended-B Unicode block.

As these charts are quite large, I have added them to collapsible blocks.

+ Romanization A - No Diacritics

- Close

Consonants

LAB
DEN
ALV
POA
PAL
VEL
UVU
GLO

NSL
m

n

ng

STP
p / b

t / d

k / g
q
'

EJS
p'

t'

k'

AFF

ts / dz
c / j

qx

EJA

ts'

FRC
f / v
th / dh
s / z
sh / zh

h:x:kh / gh

h

APX
hw / w

y

TRL
bb

r

LAT

l

LAF

tl

CLK

ng!

Vowels

Front
Central
Back

Upper
i
eu
u

High Mid
e

o

Mid

un

Low Mid
eh

aw

Low
a

+ Romanization B - Diacritics

- Close

Consonants

LAB
DEN
ALV
POA
PAL
VEL
UVU
GLO

NSL
m

n

ň

STP
p / b

t / d

k / g
q
'

EJS
p'

t'

k'

AFF

c̥ / z̥
c / j

q̌

EJA

c̥'

FRC
f / v
ṭ / ḍ
s / z
š / ž

h:x / ǧ

h

APX
w̏ / w

y

TRL
b̥

r

LAT

l

LAF

ṱ

CLK

ň!

Vowels

Front
Central
Back

Upper
i
ÿ
u

High Mid
e

o

Mid

ą

Low Mid
è

ò

Low
a

+ Romanization C - Formal

- Close

Consonants

LAB
DEN
ALV
POA
PAL
VEL
UVU
GLO

NSL
Ɯ

ȵ

Ɲ

STP
ȹ / Ƃ

ȶ / ƍ

Ȼ / Ǥ
ȹ
ƾ

EJS
ȹƾ

ȶƾ

Ȼƾ

AFF

Ʃ / Ƶ
Ɔ / Ɉ

Ƣ

EJA

Ʃƾ

FRC
ƪ / Ɯ
Ɵ / Ⱦ
ƒ / Ƹ
Ƨ / ƶ

Ʌ / ȝ

APX
ƕ / Ƿ

Ɏ

TRL
ƀ

ƥ

LAT

Ɨ

LAF

ƛ

CLK

Ƞ

Vowels

Front
Central
Back

Upper
ƚ
ƴ
Ɯ

High Mid
ǣ

Ƽ

Mid

Ʊ

Low Mid
ɇ

ȣ

Low
ǝ

Practitioners of Revised ACS are encouraged to switch between systems A and B according to whatever aesthetic criteria they deem fit, save in formal situations.

It should also be noted that, if a consonant is followed by <y> or <w> it will be palatalized or labialized, respectively.

Slot 1 - Anomaly Status

The anomaly’s current status is indicated by a consonant prefix. The glottal stop prefix for Contained anomalies is typically not written, as its purpose is to break up words

TABLE I

Explained
ŋ!-

Neutralized in unspecified circumstances
hw-

Neutralized by the Foundation
tl-

Neutralized by another party
bb-

Neutralized by natural causes
qx-

Contained
(')

Slot 2 - Primary Containment Class

Primary containment class uses the standard 5-vowel system in a straightforward manner. If the anomaly has been neutralized or explained, use its prior classification.

TABLE II

Safe
-a-
Passive containment measures

Euclid
-i-
Active containment measures

Keter
-u-
Active and adaptive containment measures

Pending
-o-
Not yet classified

Esoteric
-e-
Nonstandard classification

Slot 3 - Object Tags

The Slot 3 consonant cluster is derived from both our internal tagging system and the Coalition's serves as the root of the name; extended roots can become rather unwieldy, and so only the primary class root is required, and the additional consonants can be added as one sees fit for desired specificity, or dropped for ease of use.

Slot 3-1 is the Primary Class Tag, which designates the broad category of the anomaly. Four of the six will have a secondary class tag filling slot 3-2, while the other two skip directly to slot 3-3.

Epenthetic schwas or glottal stops may be inserted to break up particularly unruly clusters, even if this is against the spirit of the exercise.

TABLE III-A: Primary Classes

Human
-ng-

Nonhuman
-m-

Artifact
-n-

Location
-l-

Phenomenon
-r-

Other
-š-

TABLE III-B: Secondary Classes

Human
Nonhuman
Artifact
Location
-f-

Generic
Amphibian
Textual
Afterlife
-v-

Body Part
Arachnid
Computer
Airborne
-ṭ-

Theurgist
Avian
Weapon
Aquatic
-ḓ-

Thaumatoligist
Cephalopod
Game
Building
-s-

Oneiric
Crustacean
Instrument
City
-z-

Spectral
Dinosaur
Medical
Desert
-š-

Ontokinetic
Fish
Online
Dreamlands
-ḍ-

Cybernetic
Insect
Monetary
Extradimensional
-x-

Reanimated
Mammal
Art
Forest
-ǧ-

Hybrid
Reptile
Vehicle
Geological Formation
-p-

Animakinetic
Plant
Religious
Island
-b-

Psionic
Fungus
Clothing
Macroendonic Spatial Anomaly
-t-

Polymorphic
Pathogen
Toy
Moon
-d-

Host Specimen
Non-Autocthonous
Tool
Planet
-k-

Extraterrestrial
Extraterrestrial
Food
Ruins
-g-

Extradimensional
Extradimensional
Substance
Satellite
-q-

Temporally-Displaced
Temporally-Displaced
Mechanical
Sun
-'-

Prenatal Mutation
Former Human
Electronic
Structure
-r-

Postnatal Mutation
Ontological
Robotic
Subterranean
-rr-

Other
Other
Other
Other
Geminate preceding liquid

In cases where 3-2 and 3-3 are stops that share place of articulation but differ in voice, the consonant in 3-2 will shift to match that in 3-3.

TABLE III-C: Threat Warnings

Corrosive
-p-
Electromagnetic
-by-
Genetic Alteration
-k'-

Auditory
-t-
Abnormal behavior
-gy-
Communication
-q'-

Cognitive
-k-
Paralytic
-pw-
Gravitational
-ts-

Eschatological
-b-
Imperceptible
-tw-
Combustion
-ẓ-

Conscious Compulsion
-d-
Non-ionizing radiation
-kw-
Parathreat Creation
-c-

Unconscious Compulsion
-g-
Ionizing radiation
-bw-
Hallucinogenic
-j-

Memory
-q-
Memetic
-dw-
Carcinogenic
-cw-

Emotional
-py-
Nomenclative
-gw-
Toxic
-jw-

Composition Alteration
-ty-
Ecological
-p'-
Kinetic
-y-

Emotional
-ky-
Irregular Movement
-t'-
other
-w-

Slot 4 - Threat Level

The threat level tags do not feature any change from the existing Threat Level system, as even in the name of increased and unnecessary complexity I cannot bring myself to distort them.

ACS Class
RACS Infix
Description

White
-ą-
Actively beneficial

Green
-a-
No threat posed

Blue
-e-
Potentially beneficial

Yellow
-o-
Low risk

Orange
-i-
High risk

Red
-u-
Active threat

Black
-ÿ-
Extreme danger

Slot 5 - Secondary Containment Class

This section will only cover secondary classes included as standard in the ACS documentation: if you would like other esoteric classes included, send me an email and I will add them to the table.

TABLE 5

ACS Class
RACS Infix
Description

Apollyon
-tca-
Containment impossible; mitigation only

Archon
- je-
Poses greater threat if contained

Cernunnos
-kwi-
Can be contained, but is not

Decommissioned
-ǧÿ-
Self-explanatory

Heimal
-ṭu-
2+ anomalies that contain each other

Tiamat
-ẓo-
Requires Veil-breaking operation

Ticonderoga
-qè-
Cannot be contained; containment not needed

Thaumiel
-ngą-
Used to contain another anomaly

Uncontained
-tsò-
Self-explanatory

Slot 6 - Disruption Class

The consonants used to indicate disruption class are irregularly derived from their existing names, so as to cause cognitive whiplash when moving from the randomly-selected Slot 5 components. Additionally, as Disruption Class operates on both a logarithmic scale and a horseshoes/handgrenades schema, the contents of this slot may change according to the attitudes of the speaker.

TABLE VI

Dark
-d-
Effect measured in individual persons

Vlam
-vl-
Localized effect; minor coverup required

Keneq
-q-
Moderate-scale effect; significant coverup required

Ekhi
-x-
Wide-scale effect; Veil-break near-guaranteed

Amida
-mb-
Global-scale effect

Unspecified
∅
N/A

Slot 8 - Group of Interest Affiliation

Do not be alarmed if you don’t recognize some of the listed names: I believe several of these entries to be entirely fictitious. As a show of good faith, I have maintained or approximated initials when possible. This is to promote confusion with those letters such as c and x that do not align with typical English usage. The letter ẃ is used only in this slot, and is pronounced /v/.

TABLE VIII

Accelerate the Future
-cf-
Gamers Against Weed
-gw-
Obskura
-skm-

Alexylva University
-lxy-
Giftschreiber
-ǧs-
Oneiroi Collective
-nr-

Ambrose Restaurants
-mbr-
Global Occult Coalition
-gk-
ORIA
-rkl-

Anderson Robotics
-ndr-
Goldbaker-Reinz
-gbr-
Parawatch
-pw-

Arcadia
-rkd-
Golden Hoard
-gh-
Pattern-Screamers
-pts-

Are We Cool Yet
-wky-
Greazeburger
-ǧb-
PENTAGRAM
-pgr-

ASCI
-sc-
GRU-P
-gp-
Prometheus Labs
-pl-

Avelar Professional Products
-vl-
Herman Fuller
-hf-
Sapphire
-sf-

Black Queen
-bkw-
HMFSCP
-hm-
Scarlet King
-sk-

British Supernatural Service
-bs-
H. Sapiens Sidhe
-sḍ-
Second Hytoth
-hṭ-

Broken God
-bg-
Horizon Initiative
-hzn-
Serpent’s Hand
-sh-

Chaos Insurgency
-ks-
ICSUT
-kst-
Shark Punching Center
-spc-

Chicago Spirit
-cs-
IJAMEA
-jm-
Silicon Nornir
-sn-

Children of Night
-cn-
Just Girly Things
-jg-
Sugarcomb Confectionaries
-sgr-

Children of the Torch
-ct-
Madao
-md-
Three Moons Initiative
-ṭm-

Class of 76
-cl-
Mages’ Academy
-mk-
Totleighsoft
-tl-

Cogwork Orthodoxy
-cgw-
Manna Charitable
-mf-
Unusual Incidents Unit
-fb-

Commission on Unusual Cargo
-cm-
Marshall, Carter, and Dark
-mcd-
Valravn Corporation
-vr-

Daevite Empire
-dv-
Maxwellism
-mxw-
Vikander-Kneed Technical Media
-vk-

Deer College
-dk-
Nalkan Cults
-nk-
Wanderers' Library
-ẃl-

Dr. Wondertainment
-dw-
nameless
-nl-
Wandsmen
-ẃẓ-

Factory
-fk-
Nobody
-nd-
Wilsons Wildlife Solutions
-ẃs-

Fifthist Church
-fc-
Obearwatch
-bw-
Xia Anomalous Culture Group
-şy-

Slot 7 - Affiliation Type

This slot indicates the manner in which the anomaly is connected to the Group of Interest used in Slot 8. This is not a typo: I have presented these two slots in reverse order on purpose.

TABLE VII

Generic connection
-a-

Actively used by or member of
-i-

Historically used by or member of
-u-

Possibly affiliated?
-e-

Technically or spuriously affiliated
-o-

Speaker wishes it was affiliated
-ÿ-

Affiliated but speaker wishes it wasn’t
-ą-

Slot 9 - Plurality

Plurality consists of two components: the grammatical number itself, and a descriptor that will specify the compositional makeup of the plural.

TABLE IX

Singular
∅
Dual
-a-
Trial
-i-
Plural
-u-

Associative
-x
Connected, separate

Conjunctive
-j
Connected, inseparable

Combative
-ǧ
In direct conflict with each other

Identical
-q
Members are identical

Fraternal
-z
Members are non-identical

Fuzzy
-š
Resists categorization

Slot 10 - Database Number

A full anomaly name can be quite a mouthful in Revised ACS, and so an abbreviated version may be derived from the numbers themselves. So as to not perpetuate the Foundation’s unfortunate history of mangled Kabbalah, I elected to forgo gematria and instead drew the consonantal number values from the Georgian numeral system, on aesthetic grounds. Several of these numerals will represent the wrong numbers, as I had to find replacements for vowels.

There is no zero value in the conversion: if the digit is a zero, it will be skipped, unless it happens to exist between two vowels, in which case it will become a glottal stop.

TABLE X

103
102
101
100

1
c-
-ą-
-r-
-ą

2
ts-
-a-
-k’-
-a

3
dz-
-e-
-l-
-e

4
ts’-
-è-
-m-
-è

5
c’-
-o-
-n-
-o

6
x-
-ò-
-k-
-ò

7
q-
-i-
-ǧ-
-i

8
j-
-u-
-p’-
-u

9
h-
-ÿ-
-ž-
-ÿ

These abbreviated forms may be used on their own, or attached to the primary name.

Worked Example 1

Let's use our good friend Lord Blackwood as a demonstration

He is currently within our care; Slot 1 is an unwritten ʔ

His standard classification is Safe; Slot 2 is a-

While it is not a particularly flattering description, I think that Lord Blackwood qualifies as non-human (former human) - as he does not present an anomalous threat, we skip table III-C and end with a Slot 3 root of -mr-

His threat level is Green; Slot 4 is -a-

He does not have a secondary containment class; Slot 5 is skipped.

His scope of effect is limited to those he is speaking with, and thus Dark; Slot 6 is -d-

He does have an affiliation with Her Majesty's Foundation for the Secure Containment of the Paranormal (or so it is said - I can't find it in his documentation, though everyone I've spoken to seems certain of it); Slot 8 is -hm-

As the nature of Lord Blackwood's connection to the HMFSCP is unclear, if it exists to begin with, I will render Slot 7 as -a-, though I can see use cases for both -i- and -u-.

Since there is only one Lord Blackwood (who could possibly replace him?), Slot 9 is skipped.

With a database designation of 1867, Slot 10 turns into c-u-k-i

Putting it all together, Lord Blackwood's new designation is 'amradahm-cuki

Further Examples

Instead of just running through all the steps again, I'll provide some additional examples.

SCP-179 => 'amrąngą-ąǧÿ

SCP-2316 => 'urkiqacl-tserò

SCP-4017 => qxungšwuquhṭ-ts’ri

SCP-6787 => alsad-xip'i

As you can see, the end results are both simple and elegant.

Concluding Notes

Using this outline we can now classify every anomaly in our care with extreme granularity, reducing the amount of usable information in our document headers to zero. No longer will we be beholden to standards of comprehensibility, ease of pronunciation, or indicative nomenclature! We can now achieve informational security on a scale never before conceived by the Foundation, hiding vital information from our very own personnel!

Qapla’!

David Munsch

Director, Department of Constructed Languages

Site-87

Ross, Tamika

Today at 11:13 AM

oh my god david

what did you do

Munsch, David

Today at 11:13 AM

:)

Ross, Tamika

Today at 11:13 AM

DAVID OH MY GOD WHAT DID YOU DO

LaRoche, Jesse

Today at 11:13 AM

He went and did it, the absolute madman.

Wheeler, Doug

Today at 11:14 AM

Toki ike confirmed?

LaRoche, Jesse

Today at 11:14 AM

toki pi ike suli

Wheeler, Doug

Today at 11:14 AM

Mi olin

Munsch, David

Today at 11:14 AM

Thank you! :D

Ross, Tamika

Today at 11:14 AM

I hate that I like this.

Munsch, David

Today at 11:15 AM

I promise I'll apologize to Mr. Quijada at the next LCC.

LaRoche, Jesse

Today at 11:15 AM

This is great.

Fuck now I want to just run the database through it.

You just made a new memeohazard.

Ross, Tamika

Today at 11:16 AM

I feel like this calls for a celebration.

Uncle Mike's work for everyone?

Munsch, David

Today at 11:16 AM

Actually, I think we can write off a little visit to the Black Garden as a departmental expense.

We still have some money allotted for teambuilding and morale.

Wheeler, Doug

Today at 11:16 AM

Oh hell yeah.

LaRoche, Jesse

Today at 11:16 AM

Gods bless

Ross, Tamika

Today at 11:17 AM

I'll never say no to a free lunch. Meet you out front in 5.