The Unhuman Experience: Former Prime Minister Harold Holt - SCP Foundation

Tstaffor

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Harold hadn't seen the surface in a long time, having spent the last few years since the escape from the Foundation underwater plotting with The Great Barrier Reef Empire-In-Exile on how to overthrow the filthy confederacy. The war was well overdue having been over half a century since the start of the cold war.

One morning, he was woken up by a soldier of the GBREIE army informing him that the war was starting.

“Why would we start the war now? Isn’t the Foundation’s treaty still in effect?” Harold asked the soldier.

The soldier looked a little confused.

“Don’t you know? Foundation’s gone, most of the surface dwellers are. This is our best time to strike.”

The GBREIE had a substantial army, but the confederacy's army would still overwhelm them. Harold knew the only way to win this war would be through other means. With all the human's gone, the Prime Minister's seat would be open again, and he could use that power to end this war once and for all. With two soldiers escorting him to the surface and waving him off on his journey, Harold Holt emerged from the ocean for the first time in many years to reclaim his seat as the Prime Minister of Australia.

Having been recontained within a day of the escape, Harold had spent all of his time sitting in a cell completely alone. Well, besides his usual delivery of human bone marrow. But this day, there was nothing. No bone marrow, no doctors checking in on him, no noise, nothing. He was completely and utterly alone. But then, a week later he heard a noise. A robot janitor left to clean the floors of Site-72 for eternity. Harold knew this was his only chance of escape so he called out

“Hello good sir, I was hoping you could let me out of this stuffy little room. I’ve spent quite a while in here and I think I’ve served my sentence whatever it might’ve been.”

The janitor wasn’t too bright, it was only given enough ram to use cleaning products and move through the facility. But move through the facility was all Harold needed to do.

His plea worked on the janitor and once free, Harold spent the next three years sitting in the Site-72 morgue stuffing his face with as much bone marrow as he wanted. It was a little stale but it wasn't like he was ever going to get it fresh again. There were times he felt lonely. A bunch of corpses and a robot that won't even look up from its work isn't the best company.

He thought back to the conversation he had with all the other Harolds those many years ago, and he knew where he could find them all again. So he packed up the last of the bone marrow and headed out to Canberra to reclaim his seat as Prime Minister of Australia.

O5-7 (well, technically not anymore but since there wasn’t any O5 council left to tell him otherwise Harold still considered himself to be O5-7) was making his way from settlement to settlement, his pack filled with a near-infinite supply of SCP-006 informing everyone of his new campaign for Prime Minister.

"Hello fellow Survs!" Harold said to a travelling band of Yeren performing at an encampment built over what used to be Batemans Bay.

"I'm currently starting a new campaign to become your Prime Minister again. I had held office for a brief time in 1966 and 67 and think I'd be a great choice to take over again!"

The Yeren snarled and replied "Why would you think we'd ever want to go back to the way things were? We're happy now, we're free to do what we want. There's no need to bring back what pushed us away to begin with! We would never endor-"

"I'm glad to be of your consideration! I do hope you vote for me." Harold said promptly cutting the Yeren off and striding away.

With his campaign all wrapped up, there was only one thing left to do, head to his old home, The Lodge, and reclaim his seat as the Prime Minister of Australia.

The Sarkics and Cogwork Disciples were both preparing for a skirmish on the outskirts of Sydney as Harold gave a speech to rouse the Sarkic troops. "I don't know what we'll see while we're out there but I knew from the moment you gave me these augmentations that I'd fight alongside you all like a brother! I do warn you, I might be over on the other side plotting against us but I doubt I'm giving half as good a speech to them as I am to you. Now let's get out there and destroy those Clockwork fiends!"

"Now let's get out there and destroy those fleshy abominations!" Harold said as he finished a rousing speech and charged into battle alongside the Clockwork Disciples. It was not long into the attack that he started thinking to himself. Sure it was exciting giving those speeches and seeing the battle rage on, but he could live forever, was this really what he wanted to do for all eternity? It was then he saw himself across the battlefield killing his men with those tentacled abominations he called arms, that he realized it was silly to hold grudges against himself. At almost the same time, both Harold and Harold came together at the center of the skirmish to reconcile with each other.

"I'm sorry for being enemies for so long."

"It's ok, I wouldn't expect anything less from you!"

"What do you say we team up again as we did those seven years ago? after all, Australia's been needing a Prime Minister for the past three years."

"Well, I know just the man to take the position!"

With everyone else too caught up in their bloodlust to notice, the Harolds strode off together, headed northeast to reclaim their seat as Prime Minister of Australia.

Harold, being noncorporeal, wasn't able to decorate The Lodge that he had returned to just two days after the calamity. Lucky for him, Harold, or as Harold called him, Robo-Holt arrived the next day with many anomalous artefacts he had stolen from his former employer's warehouses. The two Harolds spent the next 3 years decorating The Lodge with all manner of art and furniture. Harold always tried to scare Robo-Holt, but since they thought so similarly, Harold could never surprise Robo-Holt as he always knew where he would hide if he were a ghost.

Today though, was not like other days. Harold had recruited a group of other spectres to his cause. Seeing as none of his ideas would ever be a surprise to Robo-Holt, he asked the fellow ghosts for plans. Justin, a local possessed lamp had the idea of flickering the lights on and off. They all got in position and the moment Robo-Holt woke up, the lights started flashing on and off. Robo-Holt ran downstairs screaming as loud as his twine vocal chords would allow. Although his panic was cut short when just as he was about to get out the door, both Harolds heard something they hadn't heard in years. A knock at the door.

Forever aflame, Harold reached The Lodge only to find 31 of himself already there.

“Oh hello, fancy meeting you all here!” all 32 Harolds said in unison.

“It’s been so long since we’ve all been here in the same place like this!”

“Why have you all come here?”

“I’d assume the same reason you all have, to reclaim my seat as Prime Minister of Australia.”

The Harolds knew any more discussion would be pointless since they could fill in the rest of the conversation in their heads. Harold stepped up to the front door and knocked.

After a heated debate (all said in complete unison of course), the Harolds agreed on an action plan that would make them all happy. Harold along with Harold and Harold would go to the sea and help restore peace to the GBREIE and the confederacy. Harold would continuously cut off his limbs letting them regrow for Harold to continue to have a stocked supply of bone marrow. Harold and Harold recruited Robo-Holt to help them try to get the Sarciks and cogworks to tolerate each other while Harold was content to sit in the lodge (trying not to burn it down) and exchange stories of his adventures with other Harolds for many years.

Even if none of the residents of Australia acknowledged him as such, Harold Holt was still glad to once again be the Prime Minister of Australia, or at least one of thirty-four Prime Ministers.

Porridge

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