Emily And Captain Monster - SCP Foundation

„Hello. My name is Emily, I'm 4, soon 5 years old and live with my mummy in a house. I like to tell you of my big pirate adventure. I like pirates.“

„On a nice day, my mum and I were driving to the park, where Captain Tommy celebrates his birthday. That's Captain Tommy. Tommy turns six on this day. He lives in my neighborhood. I don't like Tommy, because he is always mean. He is a real pirate, who always steals my food and destroys my toys in the park at the pirate ship like a pirate. I didn't want to got to Captain Tommy's birthday, but my mum said that he is just „special“ and in need of friends. I rather think mum is only nice to Tommy, 'cause she's so chummy with Tommy's parents, who always meat, eat cake, and talk about boring parent's stuff.“

„Mum said I should also craft something pretty for Captain Tommy as present. I've drawn him a real treasure map and glued lots of colorful glitter on it. Mum thought it was really great. I should dress up as a pirate, too, so I got a cool pirate cap, an eye patch, and a cardboard pirate sword. Mum also got a present for Tommy.“

„All children were already dressed up as pirates on the pirate ship. There was a big table with provisions like sweets, sausages, and a huge pirate cake. Tommy's mum really did a lot so we were all ready for the big pirate crossing.“

„First of all, Tommy's dad said "hello". I don't like Tommy's dad. He always smells weirdly of old cigarettes and is always shouting when I say something about Tommy. My mum said that I should behave, so I don't say that out loud. I also already saw Tommy's dad kissing my mum when Tommy's mom wasn't around. Mom always says that humans who love each other so much always kiss when they want to have children. I hope mum and Tommy's dad don't love each other this much. Tommy already has a mum and I don't want to have Tommy as my brother. Mum says I should go to Tommy and give him my present, so he can be happy about it. Mum wants to talk with Tommy's parents in peace.“

„I went on the ship to Captain Tommy to give him my treasure map. He said I shall call him "Captain Tommy", as he's the captain today. If I don't, he would make me walk the plank. When I gave him my map, he didn't even look at it for once, but right off ripped it apart. Then he yelled that I should leave the ship straight away, because girls are not allowed on a pirate ship, as girls can't be pirates. That made me so sad I had to cry. The boys thought it was really funny and laughed at me.“

„Captain Tommy played pirates on the ship with the other boys, while I and the ohter three girls were stuck on an island outside. That's what the captain ordered, 'cause women bring misfourtune on-board, and the captain's always right, Tommy says. I tried to get on the ship several times, but Tommy then stole my sword and always hit us with it, until it broke. Of course, Tommy wasn't sorry, as it was ugly and totally unrealistic anyways unlike his own. I thought that was really mean of him.“

„Then Tommy's mother called for us, so that the pirate crew can get themselves some provisions. I got a big piece of pirate cake. But Captain Tommy pushed me in the sand that I could no longer eat the cake. Captain Tommy laughed and said that the cake was only for real pirates. And a girl can never be a pirate. I cried and wanted to tell mum about it, but she got angry and said I should go away, as she wanted to be alone with Tommy's dad and I muddied my beautiful blue dress. I should be nice to Tommy. I though that was really stupid. Tommy was a stupid captain.“

„Then Tommy's mum came to us on the ship. She shouted that a very special pirate is about to join us, who wants to play with everyone of us. Everyone came running when that strange pirate arrived. It was a gigantic, cuddly, purple-colorful shaggy monster with a big mouth and funny wiggly eyes. He was even bigger than Tommy's dad. He wore a pirate cap like Captain Tommy, wore pirate clothes and had a little eye patch, which looked really goofy, as his eye was much bigger than the patch. On his shoulder, he had a butt ugly blue parrot.“

„The monster gave Captain Tommy the butt ugly parrot. Tommy thought the parrot was stupid and also butt ugly and gave it to one of the girls, because she herself would be stupid and butt ugly. The girl cried because of this. Tommy is really mean!“

„Monsters are actually really scary and evil, but this one was funny and wanted to play with us. It sang a funny song about ordinary seamen, overalls and scrubbing the deck. I thought he was really awesome and funny. Especially, when he spit chocolate gold coins for everyone. Captain Tommy not only picked up all coins laying on the ground, but also ordered all the others to give him all their coins. I thought that was really stupid.“

„The pirate monster said it would have found a great treasure map to a real treasure. He held up my map, which was whole again. I was really happy about it. The monster asked who had drewn that pretty map. I said it was me. The monster laughed and said that I am a true artist. I was really happy about it. The monster wanted to go on treasure hunt. Even me and the other girls could go along. Captain Tommy thought it was stupid, 'cause everyone would rahter play with the monster than with him, as he was so mean.“

„We went on treasure hunt with him. By the cross we digged in the sand and found a real treasure chest filled with lots of chocolate coins, jelly fishes and sugar necklaces. We were all happy. Except for Captain Tommy, who thought it's stupid.“

„He said we are all dumb mutnieers and would ruin his pirate day and we all should walk the plank. He took his better pirate sword and punched the monster, hurting it, which is why it always said to the captain "he should stop". But Captain Tommy continued to punch, saying that the monster would only be something for stupid small children and not for real pirates. And that he is no real pirate, as real pirates don't cry.“

„Then the monster got angry, grabbed the captain and ate him whole. All children screamed and ran away. I hid under one of the desks. I was afraid and wheeped.“

„Tommy's dad cam running and wanted to punch the monster for eating Captain Tommy. But the monster punched dad so hardly that he fell to the ground and bleed from his head. He must have been pretty tired afterwards, as he fell asleep and didn't wake up again. The grown-ups screamed and ran away from the monster, too.“

„The monster was evil, but it repeatedly yelled that it still wants to play and tried to sing his funny song again. He said we should come back, because he's the pirate now and wanted us all to come back to and play with him, as he was the captain now. I continued to hide and was afraid, but I think the monster was sad that no one wanted to play with it. He cried, but Smarties came out instead of tears. He had eaten Tommy, so he is captain now by sailor rules.“

„I was scared of Captain Monster, but I felt sorry for him crying, with no one to come and play with him. I then got out and stood in front of him. It looked at me with these wobbling eyes. I think that it's not evil. It ate dumb old Tommy at least. It was just lonely. I embraced it. And it embraced me and thanked me. And that I am a real super duper pirate girl friend.“

„Then, black hobgoblins with masks and shotguns came running to and yelling some parent things at Captain Monster. Captain Monster told me to run away quickly and hide away, because these stupid hobgoblins destroy everything. So I ran away and hid in those dense bushes, where I stayed very quietly. I've always hid from Tommy here. The hobgoblins fired at Captain Monster. Captain Monster got angry again and wanted to scare the hobgoblins away. It also tired one of the hobgoblins out, before the other continued to fire, which hurt Captain Monster.“

„One hobgoblin shot an arrow into Captain Monster's butt, which tired him and made him fall asleep. The hobgoblins threw a net on him and took him with them. Then they walked around and asked people questions, before stinging them with syringes. I hid, because I was afraid of syringes, even more than of Captain Monster.“

„I hid from the hobgoblins, before my mum had found me late at night. She was sad and worried. And a bit angry about me for not coming out earlier and she having to look for me the whole time. I told her about Captain Monster, but she became even more angry and said that Tommy's dad simply ran away with Tommy on his birthday, after she had an argument with Tommy's mum. I said it's not true, but that it was Captain Monster. She said I shall not lie and cried a lot. I felt sorry about mum, so I didn't say a thing. I believed she loves Tommy's farther very dearly.“

„I still think about Captain Monster, how kind he was to everyone except dumb old Captain Tommy, his dad, and the stupid hobgoblin. It just wanted to have friends and that's why it's so angry, because everyone wants to hurt him. And now the hobgoblins have caught him. Maybe they locked him in a cage like grandma's bird Hansi and prick him with long sticks, just like Tommy always does. I think he's really sad and afraid.“

„One day, when I've grown really big, I will be a real pirate captain. Then I'll be strong enough to find and board the hobgoblins' ship. Then I will make them walk the plank and throw them to the sharks.“

„Then I will free Captain Monster and we will sail the seas, search treasures, scare off hobgoblins and stupid Tommy pirates and pass a thousand million adventures on our big pirate ship. Yo Ho!“

Incident Report SCP-289-DE from 04/07/2018

Close Addendum

On the 04/07/2018, SCP-289-DE dematerialized from its containment area, taking SCP-257-DE with it, which it had received by Dr. Dännecken for its exemplary behavior. Research of this year's birthdays and larger festivities concluded a potential target: The 6th birthday of Tommy ███████ from ██████████████, who celebrated a big party at the local pirate playground. The MTF DE6-𝔇 • 6-Dieter • „Das Aufgebot“ stationed nearby was dispatched to seize both SCPs that had escaped containment. When the MTF arrived, panic had broken out that was caused by SCP-289-DE, after the latter went on one of its rampages, having devoured the birthday boy and terminated his farther with one punch. One MTF member was killed during its seizure, before it could be incapacitated through a potent narcotic and safely contained. SCP-257-DE, which SCP-289-DE pasted a parrot beak of cardboard mash on, could be secured by one of the girls, who, by her own testament, received the object by the young victim, before he got swallowed by the subject. All present persons were treated with amnestics, after the SCPs were removed and all traces as well as corpses were disposed of. As a cover, a story was invented that the farther had a severe argument with the mother concerning an alleged affair, leading to the farther kidnapping his son and fleeing to an unknown place with him during the festivities.

SCP-289-DE showed changes in behavior in the following days. For almost two weeks, the subject wore the pirate clothes it wore during the festival, spoke like a pirate and sang the following song again and again:

„Haudi ho, you ordinary seamen,

come onboard by ten!

Grab the broom and scrub the deck,

or leave the cutter step by step!“

A child's drawing was found inside the containment cell, which apparently depicts a treasure map and was pasted with glitter. Upon questioning, the subject only stated that the map stemmed from a „Super-ultra nice pirate artist and good girl friend“, whom it wants to return the map to one day to then "have many adventures and treasure hunts" with her.