Alex Thorley unclogs the drain - SCP Foundation

Dad, have you seen my shirt? Prom is tonight, I have to be at her house by, like, six.

My drain is clogged.

The drain's pretty tight. There's a really slick, gooey moisture too when I stick my fingers in it. I feel my mouth purse. I've been picking hair out of it for a little while now.

I have a hair-catcher, but I have to take it out to clean it and stuff, so it's not always in there, and sometimes stuff gets under it anyway. Cleaning the drain isn't so bad. It isn't gross, it's my hair. Plus, I got it wet when I turned on the shower. So, it's not like it has that chalky burning feel to it. It has a texture that hurts me when it's dry. I have to wash my hands a few times to make it go away.

There isn't a lot of hair in the drain, actually. When I turn on the shower, it backs up crazy high in a pretty short amount of time. I had it on for a minute or two before I started cleaning, and it took up most of my bathtub in only a few minutes.

The yellow ring around the tub that water leaves behind, it's still there, so that's something I'll have to clean later too. But the little strands of hair I'm pulling out now, no way this is what's clogging it.

I have a plastic bag next to me that I'm throwing the hair in. It's a bag from Target. It was just in the recycling bin in the hallway, my neighbor probably put it in there. Easy and convenient for putting hair away. I feel like I'm tearing up my knuckles a bit, getting so deep in there. I wonder what's going on down there. I keep it clean so I'm not worried about bugs or anything, but I hope I don't have to go get Drain-o or talk to my landlord or even worse hire a plumber; I really just want this to work.

…Something like a wet cloth…

There's something lodged pretty deep in there. I pull my hand out and I just look at it for a while. I'm trying to decide if the sensation burns or not. It feels fine, but it's really new, so I turn on the faucet and I run my finger under it for a little bit.

I have a memory about doing something like this. This wasn't that long ago even, maybe 4 or 5 years ago.

*

It was somebody else's bathroom. I was kneeling over the bathtub fishing around in the drain. I was pulling out hair, and it looked like mine, but I'm not sure if it was or not. There was a counter next to the shower, and on it there was a blow-dryer plugged into a socket by the mirror, and a long purple dress, and some earrings clipped to it. I kept digging around in the drain, pulling out the hair and leaving them in the middle of the tub and that's when I felt a kind of wet cloth texture.

I had to pull away and wave and waggle my hand in the open air, because the texture was hurting me.

I stood up and turned on the shower and it was fine.

*

Because of that, I wondered if it'd just be fine if I turned on the shower now that I touched it. I stood up and I turned on the hot water and I stood back and watched as it splittt spzzt then started pouring down. I looked down at the tub, at the drain, and I saw the water was catching and it stayed in the tub, slowly filling…

I turned off the water and I knelt down. I caught it early so it didn't fill up the tub, but I had to wait for a good half-minute before it was back in the drain and the drain itself was visible enough for me to go digging in it again. Unused water has a particular feel to it. It reminds me of linoleum. It's cold in an unsterile way, like it's chipped or jagged. I watched it flush down the drain and I felt my lips un-purse.

I thought about the wet cloth thing. I probably have to pull whatever that thing is out. I hoped it wasn't anything gross as I stuck my fingers in there again and started wriggling around as deeply as I could; sweat broke out on my forehead and my knuckles and my hips.

I felt it. The cloth thing.

I got it between my ring finger and my middle finger, just barely; I started maneuvering my fingers a little bit one up and one down, waggling them over the cloth until I caught the tip of it. I pulled, and it gave easily. I pulled again, and it came up just a little more.

So I pulled.

And I pulled.

And I pulled.

And…

It began to come out of the drain. It was grey and wet and I couldn't tell what it was yet. So I pulled again and I put my other hand on it and I pulled with both hands trying to wrestle this thing free — and it made a spzzt pop and I fell backwards and the thing came out with me.

I stood up and I threw the thing on the ground and when I turned to look at it, I saw it was a grey dress shirt. It was unbuttoned. It looked a little too small to be mine. It was wet, but it looked clean and fine.

The drain made a flushing gurgling sound; it spat out some water suddenly, just a little bit, and the water just sat in the middle of the tub. I turned and put my hands on my hips and I looked at it, realizing how heavily my chest was heaving.

Phew.