SquawkBLAMthudBarf - SCP Foundation

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"How many is that?"

"Eighty-one."

"Well shoot, 'thought I'd've hit ninety by now."

"Keep at it. If one stays alive long enough to lay an egg normally, we'll be overrun. Agent Scott, any luck?"

"MTF is eight hours away. Eight!"

Crickle crackle crack

"I swear, if I ever find out what idiot thought it'd be a good idea to ship one of these bastards for cross-examination with a BUCKET OF-"

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"Eighty-two."

"-Christ. We've been here for how long? An hour and a half?"

"Couldn't rightly tell yer. Doc?"

"Hour and twenty-two minutes. Average of around fifty seconds gestation time."

"Hooh. If we have to keep this up for another eight hours-"

"If I have to keep it up for eight hours."

"-Don't make me put you on Keter duty, jumpsuit."

"You don't have that authority, Agent Scott. And D-10334 has been performing admirably."

Crickle crackle crack

"Ain't so bad. There's kind of a rhythm to it, see-"

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"-Like so. Gets easy after a bit."

"Ok, fine. Like I was saying, do we have enough bullets to last us that long?"

"We're in a well-stocked armory, and this is the first action this outpost has seen in a while. We should have enough. Maybe."

"Maybe?!? And figures that the 'first action in a while' would happen when there's only the three of us here. What do we do when we run out of ammo?"

Crickle crackle crack

"Well, I reckon any ol' blunt object with enough heft oughta do it. Might have to take turns though."

"You're sure you don't want to swap? Agent Scott or I would be glad to take a shift."

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"Naw, jes like I said, I'm in the rhythm."

"Ok. Sambre, we should start thinking of other solutions before we inevitably have to start bludgeoning these things with a chair. Any ideas? Can we crack the eggs?"

"Not without liquid nitrogen and a hydraulic press."

"Damn."

"…"

"…"

Crickle crackle crack

"…Damn. Shouldn't have skipped breakfast. Anyone have a granola bar or something?"

"I mean, uh, it's not like we're gonna run out of chi-"

"No."

"Definitely not. I don't have to read the documentation to tell you you shouldn't eat the Keter-class."

"Well, excuse me for-shit!"

Sqwraauuk! Arrkk-BLAMBLAM

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"Jeez, what was that?"

"Don't distract me while I'm genocidin' men-chicken."

"Ok. Sorry. Sheesh."

"S'alright. Anyways, this thing's a Keter?"

"…Yes. Are you surprised?"

"Well, if all it takes is one feller with a pistol to keep it at bay…"

"There's normally more than one at a time. And ammunition is a finite resource. Speaking of which, you're due for a reload."

"Oh. Right. Thanks Doc."

Click

Crickle crackle crack

click-SNAP

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"Just in time. Hey, how about I grab a gun too? So one late reload doesn't doom us all?"

"…Agent Scott, you mean you weren't already armed?"

"…I, uh, it slipped my mind. Sorry?"

"There is nothing in this room but us, carcasses of mutated poultry and weaponry. How did it not occur to you to arm yourself?"

"Look, this is a stressful situation. And by the way, what are we going to do if the bodies crowd us in? They're small because we get them quick, but they've already blocked off the door."

"While we're waiting, you could always busy yourself by attempting to clear them out. The biofuel reactor could run for a week on this."

"Ugh, forget I asked."

Crickle crackle crack

"What number is this one, again?"

"That's classified above your level, D-"

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"-10334."

"It's 3199."

"Scott!"

"Look, he's killed enough of them that we could add him to the containment procedures. What'll knowing the number do?"

"It's against regulations."

"So was shipping this thing out to Kansas, but some dumb bastard still did that and here we are!"

"We're in Kansas?"

"…Don't get any ideas."

"Hell no. First thing I did on turnin' eighteen was get the hell outta this state. Not gonna try and crawl back into it. 'Sides, more than a li'l preoccupied."

Crickle crackle crack

"Do y'reckon I should be standin' or something? Seems a mite lax, sittin' down like this."

"No sense in tiring yourself out. Besides, it's not as if the anomalies present a challenging target. They barely have time to-"

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"-crawl from the egg."

"Feels a tad unfair, but then again I don't fancy dyin' today."

"Same here."

"…"

"…"

"…"

Crickle crackle crack

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"…How long until reinforcements, again?"