How The Time Pervert Stole Christmas - SCP Foundation

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On December 25 2024, HANAZONO.AIC flagged a relevant file - labeled xmas.rtf - within SCP-8008-C under the category of "Society". It is presumed to have been written by SCP-8008-B. Its contents have been reproduced, verbatim, below.

There was a holiday, in my old life, called "Christmas".

It was a very irrational holiday, the rare times I think back on it.

It was - nominally - about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, but - even if he existed - there was no proof that he was actually born on that day.

And then there was the fact that the holiday was coopted by commercialist capitalism, turned into a day where parents watched with exhaustion as their children tore open countless present upon presents filled with expensive, disposable toys.

All while supporting the delusion of a fat man dressed in red who rode on a magic sled with magic reindeer.

At first, when I had awakened, I did what the pundits feared, and took out Christ from its equation. I had hoped that by having it be called simply X-Mas, the sheeple would eventually realize that it was a meaningless day, and people would stop celebrating it after a few years.

To my dismay, however, I found that by removing the secularism from it, it had become even more popular.

And so I simply erased it entirely.

And I was at peace.

For a time.

Eventually, across all of my lifetimes, I came to partially lament its loss. It was irrational, yes, but it brought families together, even for just one day.

I couldn't just bring it back wholesale, though. I still had my misgivings with the entirety of its existence.

But I could bring something similar, yet rational.

In Eluthertopia, for all the good Citizens that had a high Credit Score, I decided that I would give them gifts throughout the night. As a Benefactor, I of course had a universal key that would allow me to enter anyone's house as I pleased. So playing the role of a rational "Santa" was trivial.

But it couldn't last.

Oh, it went on for several years before I encountered a problem, of course.

But the problem was one I couldn't ignore.

I had been in the middle of placing a dictionary - unwrapped, of course. I detest surprises - on the coffee table of one family, when I heard creaking from the stairs.

I turned to see a small boy, no older than five, staring down at me with their beady eyes.

-1 ESAS for disobeying curfew.

"Who are you?" he asked me, his speech slurred from tiredness (-10 ESAS for not giving a Benefactor recognition, -25 ESAS for disrupting Benefactor proceedings).

For a moment, I froze up, unsure of what to do for the first time in what felt like millenia.

I could have just simply erased him from existence, of course. But something - I don't know what - made me stay my hand.

I gave the five year old boy my best reassuring smile, and said, "I am your Benefactor, little one."

"'kay," he replied (-5 ESAS for improper speech). "But… why are you in our home?"

"Because I am out delivering gifts," I told him patiently, "for good little children like you."

The boy stared at me blankly, not really comprehending what I was telling them (-1 ESAS for incomprehension).

I gave a weary sigh. It was irrational of me to do what I did next, I knew, but I could think of nothing better to show what I meant.

I pulled out a small wooden horse, painstakingly carved to perfection from its mane to its tail, and held it up so that the boy could see it.

"See this, boy?" I began. "I made this toy, just for you, because you have a high Elutherian Social Assessment Score. And I award everyone who has such a high score."

The boy's eyes started to light up (+20 ESAS for appropriate wonder).

But then he frowned (-100 ESAS for unhappiness).

"But, sir," he said (+50 ESAS for appropriate addressing of a Benefactor). "I don' want a horse" (-150 ESAS for ungratefulness). "I want—"

I didn't even let him finish their sentence before I raised my other hand. It pained me to do this to one of my Citizens, but I couldn't tolerate such disrespect for the Elutherian way of life.

He must have known what was coming, because his eyes widened in fear, and they shouted up the stairs, "Mommy! Daddy!"

I clenched my hand.

The child vanished from existence.

The stirring I heard from upstairs ceased.

I sighed.

I should have known that this was a bad idea.

I picked up the dictionary and stowed it away, alongside the horse, before I left the house and walked away.

From that day forward, across all of my lifetimes, nobody would be getting gifts. It was just more trouble than it was worth.