Gears Is Totally Not A Robot Guys - SCP Foundation

The following is an O5's (adult?) tale

“No I’m telling you, there’s no fuckin’ way we’d have a goddamn robot in upper management.”

“But a fucking dog is perfectly acceptable to you?”

“That’s different! I think if the guy was a goddamn robot we’d know, right?”

“The man walks and talks like a fucking Stalinist clock with no friends and mommy issues! He’s as bland as a colorblind librarian corpse and more formulaic than my damn calculator! If he’s not a robot then the dude is seriously off-kilter.”

“I think I know how to settle this,”

“How?”

“We gotta see his dick.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“No no think about it! If he was a robot, why would he have a dick? Right?”

“I… I guess. But he’s totally a robot. So I guess we gotta see his… robot… parts.”

“Fuck you. I know who might be able to help. Karen! Get me Iceberg on line one.”

BEEP

“Hello? Yes, this is O5-6. Have you ever seen his dick? You know who. Oh you have! Good! Could you, uh, describe it? That’s an order doctor. Yes, go ahead.”

“What’s he saying?”

“Shh! What? No not you doctor, I’m talking to three. Go ahea- yes he’s here too, get on with it. Wait. What? Three of them? On fire?”

“Dude what the fuck.”

“Well…uh, thank you Doctor. I guess I never would have guessed that Gears would- What?! ALTO? Of fucking course. I was asking about Gears, doctor. You know, your direct supervisor? The man you share an office with? Not Alto goddamn Clef who is based at a site on the opposite side of the fucking country. Sigh No, it’s fine. Not his dick then? Great. Well thank you for your time.”

Click

“No dick news then?”

“No.”

“He’s definitely a robot.”

“No, I’m telling you, there’s no fuckin’ way-“

FIN