An Excerpt from Goodbye Ghost - SCP Foundation

Act 2, Scene 2:

James: (Crying) But can't they help you in some way?

Butt ghost: There is no cure for butt cancer.

J: But what will I do without you?

BG: James, you've never needed me in the first place

J: What do you mean?

BG: Inside of you lies the power, not me. I'm only a spirit that haunts the posteriors of mammals.

J: I can't let you go.

BG: You already have. (Gestures to the framed photo of James with his arm wrapped around a yield sign.)

J: It's not what you think!

BG: No, it's what I know.

J: But butt ghost…

BG: Shh, don't speak. You've broken my heart enough already.

J: I can't let you go.

BG: You had no trouble letting your other women go!

J: That was years ago, Butt Ghost!

BG: A butt ghost never forgets.

J: You forgot me once.

BG: I had to go soul-searching, James.

J: And what did you find?

BG: I found my spirit place. The air was still and the water was cool. I felt a presence. I turned to look, but no one was there. I was alone. The moon overhead gazed down at my prone body. I felt nothing and everything at once. And that's when I realized, my people need me.

J: Ankle ghost will be fine.

BG: It's not just Ankle Ghost anymore, James, it's the world.

J: What does that even mean?

BG: They're revoking ghost licenses everywhere now.

J: No!

BG: It's true.

J: But what about your estranged relationship with your brother?

BG: Ghost Butt will either have to get out of my way, or join me.

J: How?

BG: James, you know me too well to question my ability in dealing with these issues.

J: Very well. I can only hope you don't fail.

BG: Failure is not an option.

J: Good luck.

BG: Thank you.

J: Here take this. (Passes plunger)

BG: I will not let you down.

J: Goodbye, Butt Ghost. (Salutes)

BG: Goodbye, James. (Flushes)

Something even the loneliest man can relate to, Goodbye Ghost brings us to realize our own mortality and the importance of our relationship with our friends, regardless of corporeality. - Foundation Tribune

Play of the year. Period. - CI Review

Guaranteed to make you both laugh and cry, the Butt Ghost's performance is the best of the the year, if not the century. - Time-anomaly Magazine

What the FUCK is this shit? - O5-7