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Superior Strawberry Surprise Shake

Published: July 7, 2023 by Lola♡

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This mama’s spin on the Super Strawberry Surprise Shake will tickle any girl pink. Creamy, frosty and chemical-free, bound to leave you brimming with glee!

My youngest girl Haley hasn’t always made the best choices. She's quite a brilliant thing, armed to the teeth with her facts and logic ready to tear down any and all motherly advice I give her. Though I say this with a smile… she's just not old enough for love to bring her back down to earth.

At her age, I'd already met her dad. I was, in my head at least, very good at doing what I needed to do — I've always been the go-getter in my family — with some determination, I transformed into and remained his dream girl. My oldest, Ashlie, takes after me. She met THE boy last month and cold-quit carbs (something not even I've managed). Haley, however… let's just say she takes after my Hubby.

By the way, here's some goodies that helped me lose the weight and keep the boobs!!!

To my fellow mamas reading this: how often do you let your kids eat out? Haley whines and whines, every single gosh-darn day, even though my answer has always been "never"! She and Ashlie are free to make their own choices (within reason, obvs) but junk food is where I've always drawn the line. I would go so far as to say it is the very thing slowly murdering our country. We as Americans are groomed from toddlerhood to crave grease-encrusted garbage, with every birthday party hosted in a McDonalds or Chuck E Cheese and every colorful soda pop brand they have in every cafeteria — is it too much to have my girls be the ones breaking the cycle? Though I wouldn't assume neither have snuck a chicken tender or six while out with friends, no daughter of mine shoves pore-clogging crap into their stupid little mouths that don't know better. Not under my watch.

My home is somewhere we ALL take care of our bodies. Not a single fry has made it past my doorframe since the girls turned five.

HOWEVER…there is a reason why I of all people am writing a milkshake recipe.

Against my express wishes, our car broke down on the I-405 in walking distance of a Spicy Crust Pizzeria, and the other option was to swelter under the 98 degree heat waiting to get hit by a car…

My brain must've been baking itself into goo. I watched as Haley made a beeline for the counter. Passive, permissive. Paralyzed with heat.

Then I was… thrilled?

There was something about what she ordered — Super Strawberry Surprise Shake, she called it, a cheap-sounding name for a cheap-sounding drink — that evoked, in my wandering mind; images of laced hems and rounded cheeks, of warm hands and playground rhymes, of scented ink streaking pink. Of explosive giggles, of downy arms and legs, of tender budding breasts. Of the mouths of sweet jars begging for exploration. Of petals crushed underfoot, of bated bubblegum breath, of the glint in his eyes the glint of his teeth the glint of the stars

girlhood.

I wanted to take this as a sign that she’s embracing her irresistible transition into real femininity… BUT I thought of the love handles and bat wings undulating under that plain, baggy hoodie and almost hurled right then and there. I dragged the girls out of the store and back to the car right in time for AAA to arrive and do their job. Then off we went, as I allowed one thought to reconcile with the other, to the nearest Erewhon where we got:

What to make Superior Strawberry Surprise Shake with

Fresh organic strawberries. Frozen works too if you want it frosty, but the real deal will be packed with nutrients and those of us with a cheap/suboptimal blender will struggle less. We're going with the very ripe because it helps us avoid sugar.

Milk. Full-fat milk gives a more indulgent texture, but we know better…or don't. Wink wink.

Strawberry or vanilla ice cream. Use low-fat brands like Halo Top or So Delicious.

Whipped cream. Decorative — spoon off before drinking.

Candy sprinkles. Kids will be kids.

This Super Strawberry Surprise Shake dupe is a pretty pink beverage for girls on a cheat day who need a booster shot of sweet-tart feminine energy, with less of the evil additives.

★★★★★

5 from 2 votes

Prep Time: 5 minutes Total Time: 5 minutes

Servings: 1 Calories: 252kcal

Ingredients

How to make Superior Strawberry Surprise Shake

1. Chop and hull strawberries. Save a pretty little one for later!

2. In a blender, combine strawberries, ice cream and milk.

3. Blend for 30 seconds to a minute until well-mixed and pourable.

4. Pour into the glass. Decorate with whipped cream, candy sprinkles and the pretty strawberry you saved from earlier.

For my lovely regulars: you'll find that this recipe isn't my usual, but I wanted to replicate the fast food chain original as closely as possible.

What else could motivate the Haley that eats like a little piglet? The Haley who picks her nose and wipes it on the upholstery? I can't wait to see the side of her this would bring out.

Throw in collagen powder and ground flax seed if you want to feel better about yourself, ya naughty girl. Or go with the zero calorie alternative, and feed it to a tween girl in need — there's nothing better than feeling dolled up from the inside out.