Under the Desk - SCP Foundation

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Act II - Scene IV

Interior of Site-96. The stage is fairly sparse, with one door downstage center-left, and a large wooden desk with a hollowed out space beneath it inside the implied room of the door. The stage is barely lit, with a spotlight following Dana and Jazz, who are sneaking around, quietly. Each one is holding a powered flashlight, and wearing comfortable, gray clothes.

JAZZ

(whispering)

Are you sure they're up here?

DANA

(whispering)

No, but I know they were moved to a new room. I'm just not sure which one, or even really which floor.

JAZZ

(whispering)

Well we can't be here all night, the security guards are eventually going to come up here.

DANA

(whispering)

I know for a fact that the security guards are a floor below us right now, and that's the main base of operations, so there's a lot of ground to cover. Plus there's alcohol, and if they didn't change the rotation, that means Boris is lead patrol tonight. I always find like half a bottle of gin missing when I come in on Saturdays and Thursdays.

JAZZ

(whispering)

You've really thought this whole thing through, haven't you?

DANA

(whispering)

Well I don't exactly want to get caught. Even if we are employees, breaking the lockdown is a pretty serious offense, one that I don't know if Michael would be able to bail us out of.

JAZZ

(whispering)

Yeah, I guess you're right.

The two walk down the hall, towards and past the door.

NARRATOR

As Boris and Landa sat at the bar, drinking the night away, they were in perfect bliss. But what they could not have known is that something was lurking in the shadows above. For on the floor just above them was-

DANA

(frantic and terrified)

My husband and I are in a rough patch! My husband and I have hit a sort of a… uhh… rocky place in our marriage and I've been… sleeping on the couch downstairs for the past few days!

NARRATOR

…

JAZZ

(awkward)

…

DANA

(awkward)

Yep, totally normal thing for me to bring up, and I'll continue to as the night goes on, don't you worry!

JAZZ

(awkward)

Dana… I…

NARRATOR

Boris and Landa began to head upstairs, wary of what they may find. Was it anything? Was the narrator playing mind games for a bit of fun? There was no way to know.

DANA

Oh shit! Here!

Dana motions to Jazz to hide under the desk. They cram underneath it, just able to fit.

DANA

(whispering)

Alright, we should be good here.

JAZZ

(whispering)

Dana, what was that? The whole thing with your husband? I mean, I'm happy to listen, obviously, but it felt a little… out of place?

DANA

(sighing)

Sorry… it's my… it's the thing the Hornets won't talk about. My uhh… marriage.

JAZZ

(whispering)

Oh…

DANA

(whispering)

Yeah… but, hey don't worry, it's all good. Nothing you have to think about too seriously.

JAZZ

(whispering)

Are you guys going to be alright?

DANA

(whispering)

Yeah, definitely…

JAZZ

…

DANA

(sighing, looking down)

I don't know.

JAZZ

(hesitantly placing her arm on Dana's shoulder)

Hey, it's okay, it's okay. Wanna talk about it?

DANA

(whispering)

I don't… I don't know.

JAZZ

(whispering)

Well what happened to cause it? Just a general feeling, or something specific?

DANA

(whispering)

Something… specific. Something… related to my job here.

JAZZ

(whispering)

Oh… Oh.

DANA

(whispering)

Yeah… ever since all that stuff with the D-Class came out… I mean, he was already pretty upset for finding out I didn't actually work at a lab, but this sort of pushed him over the edge. He doesn't…

Dana breaks down.

DANA

(crying softly)

He doesn't think he can trust me anymore.

JAZZ

(sympathetic)

Hey, hey, that's okay. That's okay, you know? This stuff is bound to happen with a job like this. It'll only be a matter of time before things get back to normal.

DANA

(wiping tears)

Yeah… no, you're right, and plus… I don't think we're going to get divorced, it's just… really hard… right now. I think… I think I may have been so invested in this whole "mission" because I just need something to take my mind off of things, you know?

JAZZ

(sympathetic)

Of course…

Jazz sits, comforting Dana silently as he dries his eyes and regains his composure. They sit awkwardly, still under the desk, for a short while.

JAZZ

(quietly)

Mine is also about my relationship…

DANA

(whispering)

Huh?

JAZZ

(clearing throat)

Sorry my… my hornet thing is also… about my relationship. It's… m… my boyfriend, Brimley.

DANA

(concerned)

What about him?

JAZZ

(whispering)

I don't… I don't really know. I don't know, it's just… something is wrong, and I can't tell if it's him or me.

DANA

(whispering)

Well, like, give me an example?

JAZZ

(whispering)

I mean, he doesn't seem super invested in our relationship, but he still like… loves me… but I don't know… if I love him? And I feel like such an asshole for it…

DANA

(whispering)

You're not a bad person for not having feelings for someone… When did you start noticing it?

JAZZ

(whispering)

I mean, sort of for a while but… I guess after he didn't bail me out, that sort of solidified it for me.

DANA

(concerned)

Wait, was he supposed to?

JAZZ

(whispering)

Yeah, I called him the night before you got me and told him I needed his help but he sort of… ignored me. In his defense, though, I think he'd been out drinking.

DANA

(concerned)

How is that in his defense, if anything that's worse.

JAZZ

(whispering)

I don't know, he's a young guy, he's allowed to go out drinking with his buddies. It just felt… it hurt. But I mean, he's usually pretty nice, is the thing. When I was so broken about the whole North Korea thing, he convinced me to stop being sad and he took me out to get tacos.

DANA

(whispering)

Are tacos your favorite food or something?

JAZZ

(whispering)

No, they're his… he had been wanting to go and I tried to get him to stay home with me but he convinced me to go get them with him…

DANA

…

JAZZ

(whispering)

That sounds pretty bad when I say it out loud.

DANA

(whispering)

Jazz do you… have trouble saying no, to him?

JAZZ

(whispering)

I mean… not… I…

DANA

(whispering)

You've got to be more assertive. This guy sounds like… like he's taking you for a ride, you know? He gets you to do what he wants, and doesn't give that back to you.

JAZZ

(whispering)

Our relationship just has a different… dynamic, I think…

DANA

(whispering)

Are you happy?

JAZZ

(whispering)

… well I mean, that's sort of a loaded… a loaded question, I don't really… see…

DANA

(whispering)

Tell me the truth. Heart to heart, I spilled my guts, you spill yours. How long have you wanted to break it off?

JAZZ

…

DANA

…

JAZZ

(whispering)

Almost a month.

DANA

(whispering)

Jazz… you have to do this. You owe it to yourself, you're… you're a wonderful person and if being alone is going to make you more happy than being with Brimley, you need to tell him that. Firmly.

JAZZ

(whispering)

Yeah…

The pair sit in silence once again, both deep in thought. Suddenly, the sound of voices is audible from stage left. Two security guards, Boris and Landa, walk in holding flashlights. Dana motions to Jazz to keep silent.

BORIS

Look man, I'm pretty sure the Hornets were just pulling our legs, there's nothing up here except that weird-ass robot thing.

LANDA

We should still look everywhere, just in case. I mean, we don't need more fuck-ups at this site, I think the daytime personnel have got that basket pretty full as it is.

BORIS

Come on, we would have found something by now, plus there hasn't been an announcement since we started looking.

LANDA

I suppose that's true…

BORIS

Let's just head downstairs again, this floor is empty. Alright?

LANDA

Ah… I see what you're saying.

(loudly and suggestively)

Alright! We are heading downstairs now! I hope nobody tries to sneak around after we leave, which we are doing right now!

BORIS

(confused)

What the fuck are you… we're actually leaving you moron. This isn't a set up- the hell is wrong with you?

LANDA

Oh… sorry.

BORIS

(walking offstage)

Fucking idiot…

Boris walks offstage, with Landa following close behind. Dana slowly leaves from under the desk, followed by Jazz.

JAZZ

Jeez, that was a really close one, huh?

DANA

Jazz… thank you for listening to me back there. And… I hope you take my advice.

JAZZ

(awkward)

Yeah… yeah definitely. But now… can we maybe ignore all that? I'm in a very emotionally weird place right now.

DANA

(awkward)

Yeah, of course, yeah.

JAZZ

(awkward)

Cool… thanks…

DANA

Well, at least we know one thing.

JAZZ

What's that?

DANA

Boris mentioned finding a "weird-ass robot thing" and I'm pretty sure he meant Crystal-INE, so we at least know they're up here.

JAZZ

Wow, you're a shockingly good listener.

DANA

Why thank you. Now without further ado, let's go find that weird-ass robot.

Dana makes an incredibly dorky "victory stance" pose, which Jazz chuckles at and rolls her eyes. Blackout.

End Scene

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