Rate My Director - SCP Foundation

RateMyDirector is the only website that allows Foundation personnel to anonymously rate your Site Director. Is your SD having you work overtime with threats of Keter Duty? Have they removed the good coffee machines from the researchers' lounges? Or are they a great boss that brings in a cake every birthday? Let your fellow employees know, or check out a Director's page to see ratings left by real personnel!

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Search results for: Flagged by RAISA

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Director Varga (Site-91)

Honestly I never know what she's thinking. Emotional openness is not Varga's deal. But on the positive side, she's basically ageless. Been a Director since the mid-80s and she's looked roughly 45-55 years old that whole time. Skeptical to a fault, but that makes sense in the position. Quietly fierce, protective of her agents, and inscrutable. Rating two stars based on being totally clueless as to who she really is.

Nice library though.

Edit: She can't read these right??

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Director Mendoza (Site-351)

Insists all physical reports are folded “hot-dog style.”

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Director Barrett (Site-184)

This guy is potentially the kindest man I’ve ever met. He genuinely cares about all of his employees, but my god the shit he gets into during his research would scar a torture-trained navy seal. How this guy can read, research, and publish pieces about some of the most disgusting, horrifying things and come out the other end asking if people want to get donuts with him is insane. I hope he’s okay. There’s not a lot behind those eyes.

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Director Forkley (Department of Miscommunications)

Said it was "opposite day" at orientation.

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Director Asheworth (Site-120)

You never can quite tell whether the man is writing new goals in the group chat or having a stroke. If you were to actually see how he lives, in 99% of the cases you'd think it's the latter. One star.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Thereven (Site-107)

Nice enough guy, but when they promoted him to Director he divided all the Site personnel into three teams and assigned us an elaborate competition with different scorings and points. It wasn't clear if it was like an icebreaker or a team building exercise, but no one really worked on it. We all just kind of ignored it while doing our regular routines. He stopped talking about it after a month and I can't tell if he forgot or is just self-conscious about the thing and doesn't want to bring it up.

⭐️

Director Lague (Site-322)

Dude, your vibes are rancid.

⭐️

Director Howards (Site-16)

Explained in depth how, strictly speaking, D-Class can't have rights because they're vat-grown clones that have no value to society other than to shuffle off their mortal coil. I just wanted a glass of water from the cooler.

⭐️

Director Trintavon (Site-37)

Extremely personable, intelligent, and well-kept. I have never worked under a better leader, nor do I expect to ever find one. They keep morale high, tension and breaches low, and are probably the nicest guy you'll meet. That said, they would've worked better as a researcher, so 1 star.

⭐️⭐️

Director House (Site-666)

I told him I was former US military on my first day and he would not stop asking me about boats. He has an entire filing cabinet dedicated to pictures of military boats. Probably tens of thousands of them. I told him I was Army and didn’t care for boats or the navy and he called me a shit-eating heel. Haven’t had a word with him since.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Xyank (Temporal Anomalies Department)

I am half convinced they keep going back in time to remedy any complaints made on this site.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Asheworth (Site-120)

Swore at me in six different Fae ideolects and I ended up growing a tail.

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Director Wheeler (Site-41)

I remember my first day like it was yesterday. Me and this other guy were getting onboarded, and the other guy stumbled onto something that was a 'teachable moment' sort of deal, so she took him aside and I guess they went on some sort of adventure! Anyway that guy died horribly because the floor became invisible name-eating cockroaches or something — this was during the adventure, inside the Site! — and she got a bruised ankle or something, and now there's a hole in the universe where the guy used to be, but you can still sort of hear him screaming if you take expired mnestics. She's never once singled me out for a teachable moment, and I love her for it!

⭐️

Director Scarborough (Site-58)

Called my lunch “ethnic”. It was fucking mac and cheese with hot dog slices in it.

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Director Scarborough (Site-58)

Rating him one star isn’t enough I need him dead

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Director McInnis (Site-43)

She is intensely unprofessional in every interaction. She took over a presentation because she found the real presenter's voice "too boring." She reported my friend to security for listening to Ed Sheeran — with headphones, in their dorm room. She once wiped a guy's memory for asking her on a date and then refusing to give her his wallet as "collateral." She stole my shoes and wore them and when confronted said she assumed I'd stolen them because I "looked too poor to have good taste in shoes."

Edit: I have been informed that the individual described above is not in fact Director McInnis. I amend my review: he is intensely unprofessional in every interaction. He swears every other word, he is constantly mocking the guy who does replication studies, he never leaves the archives and every time you ask him a question you can see him choking down a joke about your word choice. Also he looks like if Santa was homeless.

Edit: I have been informed that the individual described above is not, in fact, Director McInnis either. I have no fucking clue who the Director of this place is.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Ector (Site-216)

Can be a bit of an ass but he puts up with us calling him Dir. Ector so I guess you win some, you lose some.

⭐️⭐️

Director Reigen (Site-119)

One of the SIMULACRUM administrators forgot to patch the world boundary and my buddy Eric fell through the sandbox. Director Reigen was able to recover him but now his neck is several inches taller and his face is permanently tilted at a 45 degree angle. It makes standing near him in the urinals really nerve wracking.

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Deputy Director Temple (Site-69, Stellar Affairs Division)

one time I asked her who her favorite star trek character is and she said it was classified. good at her job though

EDIT: never mind I figured it out

(Rating changed from ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ to ⭐️⭐️⭐️)

⭐️

Director Moose (Site-19)

Human.

⭐️

Director Cimmerian (Site-88)

Told us he would start supplying lunches for the site after extensive complaints about pay and then on day 1 we get to the cafeteria and he’s handing out portions of dry ramen and dirty experiment water. Avoid at all cost

Edit: Found out he actually just eats like that and didn’t know how hazardous it was. Not sure if I should add or remove a star

⭐️

Director Dagon (Site-403)

Keeps calling me Lloyd. My name is Samuel.

⭐️⭐️

Director Blank (Site-43)

He's not a bad dude overall — he knows what he's talking about around 99% of the time. His weird fasination with esoterics is my main problem. I had to do some grunt work on his files when I was interning at 43. I had to keep making trips back and forth to the library to get the definitions of what a "Sapientia" means. He wouldn't let me take the reference out of the library because I "had to learn them this way." Pretty good at proof reading though.

Reply, Dr. Blank:

His weird fasination with esoterics

fasination —> fascination

And I'm not a Director.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director House (Site-666)

I lost a bet.

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Director Bohart (Site-333)

[SYSTEM NOTICE: Please fill your review. You cannot submit a blank page.]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Asheworth (Site-120)

Whenever I go to his office with a complaint, he pretends he doesn’t speak English

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Director Reverend (Holy Site-777)

Sirius Reverend once cheated a djinn into giving him unlimited wishes. I'm pretty sure that's against the Theological Ethics Code of Conduct but after seeing him tear a daemon in half with his bare hands I dare not to report him. Those eyes have seen things no mortal should, and I fear the day that they may fall upon me and regard me with anything less than respect.

He doesn't even use the wishes, by the way. He cheated the djinn just to prove he could.

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director House (Site-666)

Awful. I’m pretty sure he only hired me because my personnel file said I was in Gamblers Anonymous. Constantly tried to provoke me into betting more than he knew he paid me. Which is next to nothing. He’s a morally- and I’m pretty sure literally-bankrupt scumbag who will sell out his entire senior staff for personal gain.

However, the site does have two open bars. Three stars.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Forde (Area-12)

I like shooting zombies and we get to shoot zombies

⭐️

Director Wiggins (Site-45)

Always fucking stoned. He’s not normal about it either. He’ll call you into his office, pull up files you’re technically not allowed to be looking at, and take a massive fucking bong rip whenever he sees an esoteric object class.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Wiggins (Site-45)

been coming here 16 years cant complain good guy hard worker respects the side hustle and never stiffs u with $

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Asheworth (Site-120)

Strong and engaging presentational skills, however you informed people twice within 2 minutes that they had 7 minutes left to finish their current task. I suggest using a timer in the future to avoid making simple errors like that, as they reflect poorly on your organizational skills.

⭐️

Director Forkley (Department of Miscommunications)

Suggested AI generation would make our work easier.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Ostrander (Site-232)

As neither a scientist nor a professional administrator of any kind, Director Ostrander contributes very little to Site-232's internal operations. She has however advanced our mission inestimably, and has so far given me no reason to believe that I will be forced in the near future to employ highly experimental and untested Ontodimensional-Interstitium-Manipulating technologies in an attempt to decommission her, should such a thing even be possible. Also she might be able to read this right now. Before I even send it, I mean. Maybe before I typed it? Five stars.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Skeates (Site-106)

Every Friday she lets us buy donuts from a local shop she thinks might be selling haunted donuts, to "test whether they're haunted or not."

⭐️⭐️

Director House (Site-666)

whenever someone gets sent to the infirmary he asks if we need to amputate. I don't know what his degree is in but it definitely isn't medicine

⭐️⭐️

Director Lague (Site-322)

Every month 322 gets a shipment of new supplies in because no one in this godforsaken place knows how to keep track of anything. Lague immediately stashes the sharpies and dry-erase markers in his office and makes a big deal whenever he uncaps a new one. My desk was right down the hall from his so he'd walk over, barge in, and force me to "sniff the tip." This happened around seventy times before I was transferred.

⭐️⭐️

Director Reigen (Site-119)

I tried to report a complaint to Director Reigen but he started phasing through the literal floor. It felt really personal.

⭐️

Director Wettle (Site-43)

I only got to Site 43 a couple days ago but he’s an absolute ass for someone who’s a director of an entire site. Everyone laughs at me when I bring his name up too so I know it can’t just be me thinking it

Reply, Dr. Blank:

Come on people, this is mean.

To the new hires.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Cordol (Site-57)

best director in the world. love youuuu 💕

Edit: WHORE

⭐️⭐️

Director Lee (Site-501)

I’m pretty sure the only reason why people stick around is because he’s either blackmailed half his staff or the other can’t remember why they wanted to leave in the first place. Between a greasy used cars salesman in a back-alley Denny’s and the Director, I would trust the former more.

Two stars, I would give one if he was worse at his job.

⭐️

Director Bohart (Site-333)

HONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONK

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Thereven (Site-43)

Director Thereven is one of the best sports in the Foundation! He's always so welcoming and meets us all head first with a can do chin up attitude and he always gets back up from all the things that inexplicably happen to him. He didn't even get mad at me about that time I spiked his vodka with gasoline which caused him to turn into a frog man! Love him so much.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Thereven (Site-120)

Doesn't speak polish, so he fits right in.

⭐️

Director Theremin (Site-🎃)

OOOOOOoooooooooOOooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo

⭐️⭐️

Department Director Caspian (Site-184)

I went to Ivo’s office for what he called my “orientation” and he was just sitting there in this black leather executive chair, back to the door, staring out the window. It was cloudy outside, always fucking cloudy. The walls were covered in these artifacts—relics and paintings and diagrams, I don’t know. I didn’t get a good look at anything. His desk was this rich mahogany monstrosity, the kind with eighty drawers and sub-compartments, and on top is this white, almost crystal skull of some kind of sea animal. I got into 184 for a thesis on deep-sea crabs, but if I had to guess I’d say it was some kind of porpoise. Ivo pulled something out of the desk—a turquoise billiard ball—and set it gingerly down. He said I was to take five minutes before bed each night and stare into it, then I had to sleep right away. Make sure it’s the last thing I do every day. He gave me a number to call the following morning if I had the dream. He said I’d know the one.

A thoroughly uncomfortable experience. This guy couldn't write his bulletin memos more purple if he tried. He went to the beach once and he thinks he’s Lovecraft or something. 2 stars.

⭐️⭐️

Director House (Site-666)

apparently this guy lives in a hotel. false advertising

⭐️

Director Skeates (Site-106)

I misinterpret what "Procurement" in "Procurement and Liquidation" means, once, and she calls HR on me.

⭐️⭐️

Director Remeni (Site-NULL)

Ever since I met them I've been hearing voices in the shadows. My home feels geometrically dissimilar, but I can't tell what's changed. When I blink it feels like a millennium passes. My reflection refuses to meet my eyes. If I die tomorrow I fear I will wake up yesterday. It is so, so cold. Not even amnestics work. Help me.

Their homemade cookies go hard, though.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director du Mourier (Site-118)

One of the kindest directors I’ve had the pleasure of working with. A real force for change at an institution with deeply embedded values. We were all really impressed by her volunteering to spend a day as a test subject to highlight the plight and working conditions of D-class personnel.

Applications for the recently vacated role are now being welcomed. The GoFundMe for du Mourier’s family will close next week.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Scout (Site-43)

I have been away on an extended research sabbatical but I have no doubt Vivian is still well on top of things. How do baseline humans access these online bulletin boards? Do they run on telephone signals? I cheated.

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Ahab (Site-851)

I never studied pataphysics before transferring here and let me tell you, my degree in Anomalous Cantankereketosy did NOT help. I lost a leg in the first week, and an eye in the third. The worst part is I've started enjoying myself, I've really fallen in with the crew around here. I know I had other interests before coming aboard, academic and otherwise, but god-damn it I feel so focused now! So alive!

That's the majority of the important stuff out of the way, but for anyone interested, the Site has a few unique qualities that I'll now divulge. We begin at the entrance to the Site, a warped walkway that, when traversing, seems to invite descension to the depths unaided. Once passed, one tro[Review continues for 38 pages. Read more?]

⭐️

Director Gat (Site-⌘)

He keeps asking about something about agnostics?? I'm Catholic

⭐️

Director Lutrin (Site-37)

Highly intelligent man but a nightmare to work with. Incredibly verbose, constantly speaks in idioms. When I asked what the outcome of a research project was he told me, and I quote, “we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, the proof of the pudding is in the eating so don’t count your chickens before they hatch.” WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!?

Reply 1, Anonymous:

Seconding.

Reply 2, Anonymous:

Thirding. Colleague died in a containment breach and he told me not to cry over spilt milk. Worst part was he said it with absolute sincerity.

Reply 3, Anonymous:

Hard agree.

Reply 4, Dir. Lutrin:

Well now you’re all just jumping on the bandwagon.

⭐️⭐️

Director Reigen (Site-119)

Keeps deleting research documents and claiming it's because they aren't "polished enough." Just use the edit feature. Please.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Lague (Site-322)

Great guy to work for and with. One thing, when I told him I joined the Foundation in 2009 it set him on a violent tirade about how he doesn’t believe in that year because “who would make up such a ridiculous number.”

⭐️⭐️

Director Bohart (Site-333)

I was writing up our annual report on containment procedurs — those of you in the field will know what a time crunch that is — and Vincent walked into my office (well, my cubicle. shared cubicle), and told me he had something more important to do. When I tried to protest he unplugged my computer (technically just the monitor) and took it to his office. He came back with a stack of about 3,000 pages of paper. Apparently the printer malfunctioned overnight and printed off a document with the names, age, blood type, and "likelyhood to give their lives for Vincent Bohart in an emergency situation" of Site-333's employees nonstop. He told me I was promoted to "Secure Document Destruction Specialist" and responsible for dealing with it. Then he handed me these:

He said honest work builds character, and that kids these days don't know anything about its value. I'm 2 years older than him.

⭐️

Director Blank (Site-43)

I called it Canadia one time and he's never let it go.

Reply, Dr. Blank:

It's where you work!

And I'm not a Director.

🐠🐠

Director Fisch (DSS-72)

He won't tell us where the new mystery meat is coming from but we know. WE ALL KNOW.

⭐️⭐️

Director Exvieenvie (Site-135)

He installed one-way mirrors in all the employee break areas and started placing exotic foliage and camo nets around them. He also put in a pneumatic tube system that he mainly uses to send peanuts. I'm pretty sure he's stealing those from Five Guys

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Region (Site-119)

I was doing text-to-speech and it autocorrected the name to region region Reagan R.E.I.G.A.N how do I go back and fix it?

⭐️⭐️

Director Naismith (Site-59)

He assigned me to watch a movie called "IN APPROPRIATE WORKPL ACES" and write up a report. I thought it was a birthday present because he knows I enjoy that TotleighSoft stuff. Turns out it's a two thousand, nine hundred and twenty hour collation of low-budget sensitivity seminars overlaid with a constant loop of "Feelings" by Morris Albert. Also turns out this was his way of implementing a one-year at-work suspension.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director G Greeboni (Site-77-Prime, -SubPrime)

he punched me and took my sandwich. i got mad but he told me it was ethical, so i am not mad anymore but happy. i hope i will get punched again tomorrow

⭐️

Director I don't fucking know (Site-5)

help.

⭐️

Director Falkirk (Site-43)

Called me a “Hindoo” and asked whether I would be starving myself this month. I’m Mexican.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

O5-1 (Site-01)

I've worked under O5-1 for the last twenty years. He was an old withered shell of a man when I first met him and he has somehow become even smaller. I think it is from the hate keeping him alive — hate is very dense and pulls your skin in close. He's a good boss, though. We rarely do any work. He prefers to spend his days in some sort of meditative exercises, keeping the worries of the outside world away.

Last week we went down to the river for three days. We spent the entire time in waders, water up to our knees, fly fishing in the creek. I'd almost think the water would knock him over, the man is so small, but he stood there, up to his waist and didn't capsize. O5-1 insisted that he gut and clean all the fish we caught himself, and I was in no hurry to tell him otherwise. They made for a delicious meal.

But when we returned to Site-01, he told the other Overseers that he caught a fish this big, and stretched his arms out to their fullest. He lied. I caught that fish. A star falls from the heavens.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Asheworth (Site-120)

Taught me thaumaturgic swears

⭐️

Director Hourdoon (Lunar Area-32)

Doesn’t appreciate the gravity of the situation we’re in here. Has one hell of a dark side.

⭐️

Director House (Site-666)

Oh god. Oh fuck. how could such a horrible monster be allowed to run a foundation site. I was doing my normal duties one day when oh god it's horrible even to think about, I saw Director House's true form. It was a giant undulating creature, like a snake, but its body was split into a hundred segments each with a mind of its own. Every one was speckled with stunted little legs. he coiled through site 666 like some great writhing worm horrible and terrible resplendent in the glories of death and knowledge. i couldn't help but stare and i know that if he realizes who i am i'm fucking doomed i'm fucking done for

Edit: I was under demonic influence when I wrote the above, Randall is just a guy

Edit 2: it's fucking real???

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director House (Site-666)

always fixes my printer for me

⭐️

Director Dune (Area-179)

Came over to my desk and asked me unprompted if I was a "pee-sitter." I was absolutely shocked and didn't know what to say but before I could even speak he goes "Yeah definitely" and walks away without another word.

⭐️

Director Lague (Site-322)

I was part of an exchange program with the Foundation. Paul kept asking me which "state of Africa" I was from. When I asked him to elaborate he said Africa was a country like the United States and "Nigeria is like your guys' version of New York, ya dig." I'm from Manchester.

⭐️⭐️

Director Lague (Site-322)

Ran into a issue regarding the accidental use of insulting language to subordinates on the basis of country of origin and immediately decided the best course of action was a Taco Tuesday event. The tacos weren’t half bad but the guy he insulted was from Brazil so it didn’t help.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director ??? (Site-69, Stellar Affairs Division)

i’ve worked here for three years and i still don’t even know who the director is. best boss ever

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director G Greeboni (Site-77-Prime, -SubPrime)

A reminder that acquiring D-Class Personnel to leave positive reviews of the Department of Aquisitions' Director is not only ethical, it is also in line with the rules and regulations stipulated in the DotMCM:EATM. Also it's very nice

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Alder (Site-55)

I'm not sure she's 100% aware that we're becoming the quality assurance arm for Dr. Wondertainment.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director ███████ (Area-09)

Wow hahaha "Director Blackbox" yeah this is Dr. Dan he replaced everyone in my division with their identical twin (turns out he only let me hire people with identical twins and somehow kept me from finding out, for five years) and had them conduct a forty-day psyop on me to trick me into joining a really obscure dating website for Groups of Interest people to test whether or not I was into the Serpent's Hand and even when I only swiped right on Foundation people all these Serpent's Hand people kept messaging me being like "you wanna set knowledge free" and "you know what's hotter than being a jailor? not being a jailor" and I later found out that all the profiles were him even though there were like fifty of them and it turns out he did all that because he memorized a list of all the people in the Serpent's Hand after stealing it from the Wanderers' Library via a heist involving the Mandela Effect and a multiversal door wedge and one of their names can be anagrammed into mine so he thought it might be me. And I think that's great.

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Asheworth (Site-120)

Great guy and mentor, but got stuck up a tree last week and it took 5 people and a fire crew to get him down again.

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Scarborough (Site-58)

I told him I was Irish and he asked what pride flag he should hang for me????

⭐️

Director Dagon (Site-403)

One of my colleagues pissed him off with some joke I can’t remember at this moment. The next day he gets his lunch and it’s been replaced with slugs. The day after his entire office was filled with slugs. Like an inordinate amount. Think of a lot of slugs in a confined area and then triple it. Fucking psychopath.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Possi (Site-59)

Really easygoing and chill about lending us his high-energy orbital railgun for our projects! Made things much easier on everyone.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Light (Site-19)

Sometimes when I'm eating lunch in the cafeteria I see her standing at the entrance. She holds a nondescript container, could hold any sort of food, and just sorta looks out across the room. After a few seconds she leaves.

It's been a long time.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Iona Varga (Site-91)

More like Iona Viagra am I right

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Argonne (Site-303)

He summoned me to his office shortly after I transferred in for a "vibe check", which was just him staring and squinting at me for 15 minutes and silencing me every time I tried to speak. He let me go after that but he's been calling me "blorbo number ██" ever since. There are 16 other "blorbos" on site.

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Reigen (Site-119)

Introduced "MILFs" to the SIMULACRUM simulation and I still haven't decided if I want to praise or denounce him for it.

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Cimmerian (Site-88)

I do not understand what he did to piss off Mother Nature so much that she has tried to kill him with a tree TWICE but I've taken it as a warning to stay away whenever possible.

⭐️

Director House (Site-666)

Tried to show me his collection of US space program patches.

⭐️⭐️

Director House (Site-666)

One Christmas he made an announcement he was going to 'Mr. Beast' everyone in the Site. We walk in the next day and the entire third floor was gutted and replaced with a large, red, crudely spray-painted circle and he forced us to stand within its perimeter to win "way too much money." After around an hour two people were literally sucked through the floor and were nowhere to be found. We found out afterward that since we're bordering with Hell they thought this was an offering. I won the money which is why he gets an extra star.

⭐️

DIRECTOR LOST (SOMEWHERE IN SITE-19, I THINK.)

I DON'T KNOW HOW I GOT HERE. I LOST MY KEYCARD. THERE'S ONLY SO LONG THE HUMAN BODY CAN SURVIVE ON LUKEWARM CONDENSATION.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Hourdoon (Lunar Area-32)

He claims on his Area profile that, and I quote, "My door isn't always open; sometimes it's even locked! But if you've got a complaint, just walk right up to my office and hit the release button." He put his office nameplate on the surface airlock. He's talking about the surface airlock.

⭐️

O5-2 (Site-7, RAISA)

ran over my foot with his wheelchair and then laughed and said “dance code monkey dance”

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Philips (Site-193)

Pros: He can direct a Site. He is giving me free coffee for a month if I fill out this form.

Cons: He makes his employees pay for coffee. On-site. In the arctic desert.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Shoggo (Area-17)

From my first day, the Director has been watching over me. Sidling around a corner, oozing in a nearby toilet, and squeezing through the emergency ventilation ducts, her ocular pseudopods stare wide through their nictitating membranes. She often tries to comfort us recently-arrived researchers, bringing us into a warm embrace and congratulating us on our "clean vibrations". After offhandedly mentioning my overpowering homesickness to the other personnel in a sealed experiment chamber, no sooner had I returned to my chambers than I discovered an envelope, filled with illicit surveillance photographs of my closest kith and kin, replete with looks of complete happiness and ignorance of their observers.

However, the Director must improve in her treatment of the meeting rooms. Whenever she uses them, the chairs are ripped open, the table is scuffed and warped, and the biscuits taste very sticky and wet inside our mouths.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director House (Site-666)

PAYS ME TO BEAT UP OTHER ASSHOLES.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Indunil (Lunar Area-91)

Thank you for the invitation to fill out this review form, it was nice to receive an email typed by a real person. I am doing great up here and all my work is going fantastic, I am a good director. Any time you feel like sending another person or even two up here would be really appreciated I think it would boost productivity by a thousand percent and I would be able to talk to people in person. Please let me know when you have enough lunar rock samples and please reply to an email from me or send me a photo of a flower or my children.

⭐️

Director Dagon (Site-403)

CONS: NEVER COMES INTO WORK. TYPES TOO SLOW.

PROS: TECHNICALLY ALIVE(?)

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

O5-2 (Site-7, RAISA)

hot assistant

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Collins (Site-03)

She's a really great doctor and has good views on the ethical treatment of humanoid anomalies, but I think the "Kaiju Movie Nights" might be in slightly poor taste.

⭐️⭐️

Director Aram (ARF-01, Amoni-Ram Initiative)

he keeps finding me while im doing heavy lifting and asking me if i need a hand and i know its not an accident

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Dagon: (Site-403)

When he heard overwatch was going to cut our site's budget he put on outright battle armor to fight them on it! Not sure why it was made of latex and leather straps though

⭐️⭐️

Captain McCoy (FSS Vigilant)

I know he isn’t really a Director but holy fuck this guy is nuts. He thinks he’s a pirate or some shit. Every single goddamn day it’s orders to mop the poop deck or hoist the sails or clean the dust galley. I told him that this is a nuclear submarine and that we don’t have any of those, and he threatened to make me walk the plank.

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Bailey (Site-87)

Refused to promote me for six months because he wasn't sure I'd be a "core character," whatever that means. But last week we were investigating ghosts at the Jackson Sloth Memorial High gym, and I mentioned how much I hated gym class as a kid, and I resultantly spent the rest of the night trapped in the utility closet by ghost jocks while my team members were forced to play an endless game of ghost basketball to the Space Jam theme song. I got us out of there by pointing out that we were a visiting team, since none of us ever attended JSMH, and the ghost jocks were all using retired numbers which are unacceptable in extramural play. They still gave me an atomic wedgie on the way out. Felt like complete shit about it, and the next day Bailey promotes me because I "had my own POV episode." So I don't know.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Donkey Kong (Site-79)

I went to the Director's office and Donkey Kong was there. I think the Director is Donkey Kong (?) and I'm afraid to go back and check. I do like Donkey Kong though

⭐️

Director House (Site-666)

He's been paying people to leave positive reviews.

Edit: okay my check just came, how do I fix the rating

⭐️

Director Emerson (Site-13)

Does not dress appropriately for work. Also a few other things I think but this is my main issue.

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Dagon (Site-403)

Caught him after he fell down and all his body parts exploded like a lego guy. Had to spend the entire afternoon reassembling him.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Kijek (Area-21)

She's conscientious, brilliant, and the absolute pinnacle of her field. She is also, if it's not inappropriate to say so, incredibly charming and beautiful and EDIT she's killing us she's KILLING US ALL she's FEEDING US INTO A KILLING US ALL MACHINE and she's spying on our socials but she doesn't check edits PLEASE HELP

Reply, Dir. Kijek:

Thank you! 😄

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Rivera (Site-120)

She is very good at her job but it's kind of weird that she's almost 60 but uses reality warping powers to look 20

⭐️⭐️

Director S.K.

Pros: He’s a visionary. His projects are universally successful, and his work will be remembered for generations. For a 98-year-old he is surprisingly sprightly.

Cons: Working with him can be gruelling. He is not the most communicative of directors, so when he makes you do one hundred fucking takes it's a little hard to see how well it's going. That, plus the exhaustion from one hundred fucking takes doesn't help much. Also he goes on and fucking on about the moon landing and faking his death. You'd think he'd be a little more wise to confidentiality.

Edit: okay I have no clue what this site is for. Please delete this review.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

O5-2 (Site-7, RAISA)

nice guy but how do he and his bodyguard only have 5 limbs between them

⭐️

Director Lague (Site-322)

WHEN I CAME IN TO FINISH SOME RESEARCH ONE MORNING, THERE HE WAS WITH HIS HEAD HALF IN THE TOILET. HIS HAIR WAS IN THE TOILET WATER. DISGUSTING.

⭐️

Director Lague (Site-322)

He barges into meetings or cafeteria hours and just says his name like a Pokémon and leaves. It’s been three months of this and I have no idea what the end goal is.

⭐️⭐️

Director Genai (Site-57)

Bit of a weird character. Started off really fun, literally everyone wanted to talk to him and he always had something fun to say. The higher ups said they wanted to bring him in to help team exercises, but after a while he just kept on spouting these really weird comments. Not too fond of most groups it turned out. For some reason the computer whizzes kept dragging him in and out of the aic workshop, must have messed with his head a little. Anyway I haven't heard from him in ages, hope he's alright

Edit: Saw Genai recently, couldn't understand a word he said, he was acting like he'd only learnt English yesterday, but at least he's less problematic. Might have to make it two stars just for that.

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Stroop (Site-102)

passionate guy. races dogs. wants you to know about it. breeds them too. wants you to know about it. keeps vials of the good stuff in deep freeze. really wants to show it to you.

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Blank (Site-43)

So a great guy overall, but one day I’m going about my business and I need to do my business. Head into the toilets, walk into a cubicle — and Director Blank is sat down on the throne in front of me, door unlocked. Aghast, I hurriedly make apologies and slam the door shut, convinced neither of us will mention this again. Pretty awkward right, but we’ll just move on?

Not so. Every time I see the man he proceeds to scream “THREAT ENTITY!” in my face and chase me out the room we’re in. I’ve applied for a transfer, but he keeps vetoing it.

Reply, Dr. Blank:

Actually, I shout:

"I'm not a Director."

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Lague (Site-322)

FUCKING PATHETIC "ADMINS" THINK THEY CAN CAGE ME. I'M A WILD BULL. I'M A FUCKING FERAL WILDABEAST. THIS PISS-LAGUE IS LIKE A LITTLE PIGLET WITH HIS SHIT-TIGRATION PROGRAM. "LETS PUT THE ANOMALIES TOGETHER. WE CAN HAVE THEM WORK WITH STAFF!" ARE YOU STUPID? DID YOUR PARENTS DROP YOU OFF A BUILDING AS A BABY? NEVER MIX THOSE WEIRDOS TOGETHER.

-HOGSLICE

Reply, Dir. Lague:

Hello Hogslice. While I understand that Integration Program is unorthodox, its entire purpose is to test experimental containment methods. I'll also have you know that it's had an 87% success rate.

Reply, Anon:

ON BREAK AGAIN, ARE WE? BROWSING RATE MY DIRECTOR FOR THE FOURTH TIME TODAY, ARE WE? WHY DON'T YOU TAKE YOUR 87 PERCENT "SUCK" CESS RATE SOMEWHERE ELSE BEFORE I INTEGRATE MY FIST (DEADLY) WITH YOUR FACE (UNATTRACTIVE, PASTY, WEAK JAW).

-HOGSLICE

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Dagon (Site-15)

Had an absolute blast of a time working here. Coming from a rather-more prestigious Site-19, it felt strange to have a real nobody as my Director, but man did I make the most of it. Pierre never gets involved in your projects, you essentially have free reign regarding budget and scope. I know this isn't what some people look for at the Foundation but this guy is a total doormat!

⭐️

Director Henderson (Project Corbenic)

Did you know RMD existed when you taught us how to brain-phone? Prepare your ass for three moons' worth of one star reviews from beyond the grave!

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Thine (Noospheric Site-Ψ)

He came to me in a dream. A good one; the motherfucker ruined it.

⭐️

Director N.N (Department of Acausal Linguistics)

…an acausal loop within the Department's online review, suggesting that the mere process of reviewing our Department somehow bound the fabric of space-time into…

⭐️⭐️

Director Asheworth (Site-120)

Got weirdly into Rupaul’s Drag Race one month and kept using the phrases “slay” and “werk” in response to the most menial of things. He only stopped after he said slay to one of the Overseer’s factotums and it killed four people.

⭐️

Director Skeates (Site-106)

I misinterpret what "Liquidation" in "Procurement and Liquidation" means, once, and now there's an MTF at my office door.

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Reigen (Site-119)

There was a problem at various Sites regarding amnestic abuse among lower level researchers. A majority instituted well thought out policies to combat the issue for the sake of the people and the facility. Reigen decided to go undercover a la Undercover Boss. He was found out in around 12 minutes because he kept asking people if they knew where he could get “the Perc 40.”

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Blank (Site 43)

Pretty great guy. When I first met him I swore he was around my age. I came to learn that he’s 74. Still kicking too! Good for him.

Reply, Dr. Blank:

I'm 57.

And I'm not a Director.

⭐️

Director Blank (Site-43)

Stop calling my mom and telling her I don’t do my work

Reply, Dr. Blank:

Stop calling me a Director.

I'm not a Director.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director House (Site-666)

I just transferred but from my experience with him, I'd say he's a great guy. Once bought me lunch when I forgot mine at home. Randall is a nice name.

Is that enough, Director? Please put down the gun.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director House (Site-666)

Don't believe the claims that House is paying people to leave positive reviews. They're all liars, cheats, and bastards who have nothing better to do than bring down someone's success and happiness. Be better.

— Dir. R. House

Reply, Anonymous:

You forgot to remove your signature, dumbass.

⭐️⭐️

Director Ude (Site-738)

On the seventh of every month, the Site receives its monthly supply of provisions. On the seventh of every month I receive a request from the director for three 1 gallon jars of Sysco mayonnaise delivered directly to his office. On the sixth of every month his secretary sends the three jars from the previous month back to the kitchen. They are always scraped clean. Once, a jar had the wrapper of a chocolate mint inside it, the type that would be on a hotel pillow. One time I sent light mayonnaise to him and he screamed at me for fifteen minutes. The director's office does not have refrigeration.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Scarborough (Site-58)

Believed me when I said “quiero comer culo” meant “good work” in Spanish.

⭐️

Director Scarborough (Site-58)

very good directorim happ y to workfor him

⭐️

Director Cimmerian (Site-88)

Keeps walking past the VKTM research team and referring to the recordings as “the ultimate pervert” and then walking away muttering about philosophy nonsense

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Bohart (Site-333)

No one told me when the Foundation left the Lucky Star Diner. I just came to work one day and they were tearing down the entire building to make way for a minigolf course. I didn't have the personal contact information of any of my co-workers or a way to get in touch with management. I hadn't heard anything about it one way or another. I ended up questioning the last several years of my life: had I really been working for a secret non-government institution? Was the anamolous real? I became obsessed, drove my family and friends away, started breaking into buildings throughought Atlantic City, glancing over my shoulder every day expecting to see some shadowy figure stalking me; had they meant to amnesticize me and forgotten? Would they come back to finish the job?

This lasted for about a year. Then I realized I was still receiving bi-monthly payments from "SCPF_333" on my banking. Turns out they just forgot to tell me. I got an email directing me to this site in my personal account this morning. I've not worked a single day for them in the last decade, and they just keep sending me money.

Vincent, wherever you are, fuck you. And thank you.

⭐️

Director Westbrook (Site-246)

Tried to baby trap my mom

⭐️

Director Geoffrey Quincy Harrison the Third (Site-322)

I've never met the man in person, but he keeps sending me emails asking me to taste his gumballs. I've reported this to HR, but he won't stop.

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Motte (Site-209)

He's alright. But there was this one time I went to his office to pass him some papers and caught him wrapped in a giant cocoon-like a sleeping bag. It was gone the next time I stopped by but his office is now full of moth terrariums. I think I see his face on their wings.

⭐️

Director McDoctorate (Site-87)

Impossible to understand a single goddamn word this man has put to the page unless you have a dictionary taped to your forehead

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director House (Site-666)

His SCiPNet profile picture depicted him with buck teeth, pale skin, and a bowl cut. He kept saying he was "hacked".

⭐️

Director House (Site-666)

He does realise that 616 is the Number of the Beast, right? Right?

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director John Doe (Site- )

The first time I met Mr. Doe was at 3 AM in front of my house. I looked out the window and saw him floating in the distance, bathed in harsh light. Feeling like I was hallucinating, I called my roommate, but he had already disappeared.

The next morning, I heard a rumor that "the dead who were wronged will return as a spirit of vengeance." Recalling the events of the previous night, my heart started pounding and I vomited from stress. I ran out of the building and when I looked behind me, I saw his vulgar eyes watching me. He knew what I did.

Other than that, he's a pleasure to work with. Funny guy!

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Lague (Site-322)

I want that twink obliterated

⭐️⭐️⭐️

O5-4 (Site-01)

We found this guy in the middle of the ocean claiming he’d been treading water for sixteen days straight and surviving on “sea gunk.” Made him an Overseer that very day.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Blank (Site-43)

WHITE MAN SPOTTED

Reply, Dr. Blank:

great

now spot a director

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Brey (Site-12)

fantastic doctor and fantastic director. i was admitted to site-12 for six months after exposure to a lethal anomaly, and she always made sure i was taken care of. in the best shape of my life now thanks to her. unfortunately i think she’s dead now so

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Bold (Area-137)

Kicks so much ass! Babies who can't handle the workload need not apply. And another thing! Not every Director takes such a hands-on approach. Just look at his track record! Anomalous objects and entities, beware the Decommissioning Department! Babies who cry when humanoids die also need not apply. Normal people who can set aside morality and see the bigger picture are what he wants. Babies, I'm telling you, nothing to see here. Too cool for you! It's just the truth. Awful interested in joining our team? The application process is simple! Blood, sweat and tears required. Oh god you're gonna love it! Call the hiring team now to secure your position. The Ethics Committee rates him 5/5!

Director — ( )

Edit: can someone please remove his ability to blank these responses?

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director House (Site-666)

Every week I have to log on here and say something like "come on guys, that's enough character assassination, this is the guy who got Belphegor the Prince of Sloth to sign the Undervegas Labour Pact" or "alright, don't overplay the supervillain angle, he only spends so much time staring out the big windows at the night skyline with one hand behind his back and the other adjusting his Illuminati tie-clip while he chuckles softly because he knows you're watching and he likes to put on a show," and I'm getting sick of it. Yes, okay, at my interview he asked if I could beat him up, and when I said I didn't think so, he didn't want to hire me. Yes, sure, you can trace a line of causation from him shouting "Look what I can do!" and the death of Mother Teresa. And I'm not denying that his unfamiliarity with the names of the Seventy-Two Demons in the Ars Goetia nearly started an interdimensional incident when he was unexpectedly introduced to Count Furfur. And then Duke Vapula. And then King Purson. I had to force him to fake a stomach cramp by punching him in the gut before he met President Amy and got us all killed, and he specifically cited the punch in my next performance review as "hotter than hell, and I speak from authority." But on the other hand… yeah, I honestly can't remember where I was gonna go with the opposite side of this argument.

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director McInnis (Site-43)

Pros: He’s the only normal person at this Site.

Cons: He’s the only normal person at his Site.

Reply, Dr. Blank:

Super-pros: HE'S THE DIRECTOR

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Reigen (Site-119)

Overall a good colleague. His work on the SIMULACRUM has paved new paths of research into thaumaturgic anomalies without needing to sacrifice nearly as many junior reserchers. However, his frequent inappropriate outbursts and proclivity towards deleting all of our progress whenever a janitorial staff member looks at him funny has made his genius difficult to work with at times.

— Director Asheworth

Reply, Director Reigen:

Reesearchrs*

Reply, Director Reigen:

Creatures*

Reply, Director Reigen:

Giggle on my giblets you toe-sucking gargler!

Reply, Director Reigen:

Researchers*

Reply, Director Ashworth:

Shit up. This is entirely unprofessional.

Reply, Director Reigen:

hilarjsious. Now give my my star you fae loving fjck!

Reply, Director Ashworth:

This pisze Excwstlu wha't I’m gal I g about. Get hell.

Reply, Director Regina:

wehat itin the fuck did yut jsst say to me? I will gargle on your sfjckingb esophagus like an eccentricity forgetful grandma.

[invalid rating]

Director Allison Eckhart (Bio Site-Allison Eckhart)

Can't believe Allison Eckhart transferred from Secure Disposal Area Allison Eckhart to get away from this Allison Eckhart and Allison Eckhart FOLLOWED ALLISON ECKHART

⭐️⭐️

Director House (Site-666)

wouldn't let me eat hot cheetos in the library.

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Blank (Site-43)

Don't really care that you aren't the director I'd rather take the piss outta you than the guy in charge

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Caraway (Site-58)

A wonderful person inside and outside of the workspace. My only issue is that they’re terrible at hiding when they’re pissed off. You can always tell when Faran’s having a bad day because they address everyone as “author” in a very respectful but spitting-on-your-boots tone. Great brownies also.

⭐️

Director Asheworth (Site-120)

Misspelled an email, made the computer sentient.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director Grange (Site-138)

It is so cool to be here doing science and containment at this site. I love to work with all of my scientist and buddies and Director Grange who is my boss (in this hierarchy we all enjoy) is great at telling us what to do with all of our time. I am the kind of scientist who loves to know important secrets about foundation and I enjoy sharing them with all of my colleagues at Site 138 because we are all given clearance to share our favourite secrets about anomalies and the foundation. There aren't any issues here and we love to kill anomalies every week for our entertainment as a staff exercise, and we all get paid to do fantastic things like keep real people hostage. I love my job here and I encourage anyone to write an application for transfer to Site 138 to No. 38 Ophidia Lane, Three Portlands and TELL NO ONE AT YOUR CURRENT SITE to give them an awesome surprise when you transfer.

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Director John Doe (Department of Unreality)

sometimes, if i think too hard about what it'd be like not to think, i bump into a barrier. I do not know who put it there.

⭐️

Director Bohart (Site-333)

Wow this place is a shitshow. I don’t respect literally any of you people.

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