the last wizard - SCP Foundation

The last wizard was stabbed to death yesterday morning in the alleyway behind the Denny’s on 4th and 5th.

I know because I was there.

He walked through the door, right out of the stories- all gray beard and pointy hat- sat down at the counter and asked for a coffee.

I poured it for him and slid it across the bar.

I was going to ask him what he did for a living, but he kind of just harrumphed a bit before I got the chance to speak and told me he was a wizard.

“How’d you know I was gonna-“

He shot me this look, bushy eyebrows creased together like one of those furry caterpillars you see on the discovery channel.

It got all awkward for a bit.

“So uh-“ I cleared my throat, after a while. “How’s the magic business going?”

“You feel more magical today than you did yesterday?”

I shook my head, scratching at my chin. (I got a couple of ingrown hairs down there, drives me crazy. Damned razors never shave right these days no more.)

The wizard sighed, his breath smelling of cinnamon and sea salt- I guess he hadn’t touched his coffee yet. He pulled a pipe from his sleeve, put it to his lips, then snapped his fingers a couple’a times.

“I guess there’s your answer.” He clenched his teeth around the stem, blowing out a ring of blue smoke.

We usually have a pretty strict no-smoking policy, but, hell, it was a wizard. I pulled out my vape and joined him. My rings were bigger than his. This bothered him, I could tell, and I felt a little smug about it until the bastard muttered something under his breath and my pen shorted out.

“You wanna learn how to cast a spell?”

I was in the middle of cussing him out, but that stopped me in my tracks.

The wizard grinned at me around his pipe, blue eyes crinkling.

“What kind of spell?”

“What kind do you want?”

I thought about it for a bit.

“I guess there’s this one thing. My neighbor, Jonas? Apartment 435? He keeps playing music way too loud at night. I gotta morning shift, and I’ve complained to him about it before, but he just won’t quit. Could you like, maybe teach me how to turn him into a frog for a bit? Just to teach him a lesson.”

The wizard nodded sagely, stroking his beard. “I know the names of the nine winds,” he said, “the secrets of the sun and moon, of earth and fire.” He drew a short stone rod from his robes, setting it down on the counter. “These I can teach to you as well, and they will tell you of the power you seek.”

I didn’t really get what he meant but I was still getting pretty excited. It sounded like something outta that one movie, the one with those short bitches and Tilda Swinton? King of the Rings, or something like that.

It sounded exactly like what a wizard would say, is what I’m trying to get at.

“Hell fucking yea! Get to it! How do I start?”

The wizard looked at me all serious like, holding up his wand.

“Close your eyes, empty your mind, visualize your intent.”

I woke up thirty minutes later with a splitting headache, a bruise the size of an apple on my head.

Bastard emptied the cash registers, stole my fucking wallet too. And my vape.

I saw that there were a bunch of cop cars and ambulances and stuff outside, and when I went out to check, a couple of officers explained to me what had happened after I told them about my wallet getting stolen.

Turns out the wizard got into a fistfight with a crackhead three steps out the door, got stabbed seven times in the gut and bled out right then and there in the alley behind the Denny’s. I watched them cart the body out, his stupid pointy hat poking out from under the bloody sheet.

I remember seeing the news talking about it after.

A couple’a those treehugger fellas were making a big fuss about how he was the last one or something. Good riddance, honestly, far as I’m concerned.

Never even got my wallet back, and I had like, 20 bucks in there.