A Brief Introduction to Thaumaturgical Engineering - SCP Foundation

ArthCymro

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"Hello, hello, hello. I would say good morning, but I've just been tasked with redeveloping TS-889 for the Hecate lot. Please ignore the red eyes, and I apologise in advance for the buzzing. For those who don't know me, my name is Itsuki Zhao. Former thaumaturgical analyst for the Department of History and current thauma-cryptographer for MTF-Omicron-10. I know you were expecting Mrs Douglas, but given it's almost Halloween, she's up to her neck in work. So, let's see here."

"Ah! Thaumaturgical Engineering."

"Oh, god. Where to start? I'm guessing most of you here have either come straight from an orientation or are starting with tactical theology, spectral affairs or one of those MTFs. Am I correct? Thought so. Well, in that case, most of you would've heard the term Akiva, or words like PMK or TS. So let's get some things sorted first."

"First things first, put everything you know about magic, rituals, thaumaturgy or anything like to one side. When people try to describe this sort of stuff in scientific or pragmatic ways, they often end up either overcomplicating it, embellishing it with ridiculous nonsense and quail or creating unnecessary terms and concepts like Elan-Vital Energy or Type Blue. So whatever GOC or Hand bullshit you've got ready to correct me with, forget about it. Magic is already a difficult thing to understand."

"Forgotten? Good. OK, let's start at the very small. Akiva Radiation."

"In the anomalous world, Akiva Radiation is also known as Divine Grace, Yǐncáng shéngzi and Sruth. Here, in The Foundation, we use the term Akiva Radiation or, in a rush, just Akiva. What is it? Putting it simply, it's a subatomic particle that gravitates towards and coalesces around matter with thaumaturgical capabilities or properties. Just like a moth to a flame."

"The entire mechanics and principles of Akiva radiation are not yet completely understood and are still being researched. We aren't even sure whether it's the reason for thaumaturgy's existence or thaumaturgy is the reason for its existence, although experimentation is suggesting the former. One principle we do know, however, is there is a relation between the power, prevalence and mass required to maintain a thaumaturgical program in a given volume and the rate of Akiva radiation flowing in that given volume. Putting it in simple terms, the more powerful and relevant magic is in a place, the greater the coalescing and flow of Akiva Radiation is going to be in that place. And if you want to put this down in mathematical terms:"

(1)

\begin{align} f_\oplus \propto P \end{align}

(2)

\begin{align} f_\oplus \propto m \end{align}

(3)

\begin{align} f_\oplus \propto M \end{align}

"The first is known as Elymas' Law, the second is Lenormand's Law and the third is Pratchett's Law. That f I've written there with the circle refers to the rate of Akiva flow, more commonly known as thaumactivity. It's measured in Steiners, after the occultist Rudolf Steiner, who was also the first person to prove the existence of Akiva Radiation and dismiss the claim Akiva Radiation only coalesced around divine matter through the False Ritual experiments."

"What's that? Yes, lots of people make that mistake. Let me guess, you came from Area-27, right? It's true Akiva Radiation does gravitate towards divine phenomena, but that's not always the case. In fact, statistically, you are more likely to find consistent levels of thaumactivity around benign phenomena rather than divine ones. Why is this? Well, the answer to that is the same answer to why thaumaturgy exists in the first place. Belief."

"Yes, I know, it sounds very I-do-believe-in-fairies-Disney-princess-Christmas-movie, but when I mean belief, I don't mean faith or worship. When working as a Thaumaturgical Engineer, you need to keep that in mind. Faith is a deep trust in something, fuelled by fear, love or hope and usually continues even if situations or logic critiques that trust. Belief is something we take as true, but it can shift with time or perspective. Beliefs tend to also be unconscious. Some are so subtle, they go unnoticed even by those who believe them."

"Belief is the driving force of thaumaturgy. With it, you can influence, alter and even forge new thaumaturgical programs and - what? Oh, thaumaturgical programs are the umbrella term for actions that activate thaumaturgical effects. It can be anything from a prayer, to a gesture, or even a symbol or an incantation. Usually, it's a collection of two or three of these. We coined the term when we began altering and hybridising rituals and incantations. Because just like computer programs, thaumaturgical programs can be updated, simplified and sequenced."

"Yes - so - where was I? Pardon miss? Oh, yes. Belief. Thank you. How does belief influence thaumaturgy? The way I describe it to my colleagues is that thaumaturgy is like a collective placebo effect on reality. Thaumaturgical programs come into existence and function because enough people - and when I mean people, I don't just mean humans - give the program belief and meaning, consciously or unconsciously. In a way, they pretend and conceptualise with enough intensity, that the pretending becomes real and reality gains a new law."

"Cool, right?"

"This is why we initially only thought divine or theological behaviour resulted in Akiva Radiation as religion is a very effective way of creating a long-term group belief. And as I said earlier, this has since been disproved."

"Now this doesn't mean we can just make up new methods with just wishful thinking. A program can take weeks to develop and integrate, months even, sometimes entire years. And if you managed to manufacture one, beliefs are difficult things to maintain. Remember Pratchett's Law? The thaumactivity of a given space depends on the prevalence of the program used in it. If a program gets boring, or is discredited or just becomes less important then Akiva Radiation can't coalesce and the program just stops working. Kind of makes you think about all those imaginary friends you had and what happened when you grew up."

"Anyhow, deciphering, creating and maintaining thaumaturgical programs is what Thaumaturgical Engineering is all about. Not just in the Department of Thaumaturgy. Some of us work with the History guys, or with the Engineering Division or Cryptozoology. One of us even helped develop a new mode of cyber security for the RAISA. Because of us, there are several programs the Foundation uses to help with their efforts. In containing but also in fieldwork, research and even in administration and human resources. Do you think all that quiet time you miraculously get on your holidays is just down to luck? There's a reason all the paychecks are in Comic Sans."

"But before you all jump to the chance to train as one, keep some things in mind. Thaumaturgy isn't as glitzy as it's described in the files. It's confusing, paradoxical and kind of grungy and anticlimactic. It's amazing, yes, but don't confuse that for fun. Also, it's highly unlikely you're going to be working on cool things like dance moves or occult sunshine. Most of the time, you'll just be researching or maintaining. Doing the little things. Trust me though, the results are valued a lot. Especially by the higher-ups."

"Oh, and also think of this. You are not going to become a superhero. I don't for one minute think any of you would even think to attempt such a feat but I'm going to say it anyway. Becoming a Thaumaturgical Engineer is not an excuse to gain cool anomalous powers or form a cult. People have done that in the past. Both within our ranks and outside in the Veiled world. To do so would be stupid, dangerous, uncalled for and in some cases, kind of pathetic. More often than not, it comes back to haunt you. And I mean that both figuratively and literally. That's not a security officer outside that door, you know."

"So, with that, I hope you consider this opportunity. It's tough and weird but you'll get to learn and see a lot of interesting and sometimes beautiful things. I hope to see some of you again. Preferably without this horrible tint of crimson."

"If your next taster session is with Computer Engineering and Technical Support, I've been informed by David Rosen that the session has been moved to Conference Hall 10B."

"What was that, sir?"

"No, you can't call yourself a witch. Nor a wizard. Nor a sorcerer."

"Well I can pull rabbits out of a hat and summon scarfs, but magician just sounds so theatrical."