The News Tonight: Wednesday April 26th 2017 - SCP Foundation

Hello, and welcome to tonight's news. Broadcasting live from New York Complex, I'm Junior Aímact Roger Gallardi, Official Newsreader-Scholar of the Church of The Second Hytoth, the only sanctioned radio host broadcasting in both English and Ortothan, nationwide.

The top story this evening concerns the ongoing war in the Midwest against the Indofranco-Hungarian Alliance. Many of our top soldiers gave their lives this evening, passing on their blood to Rakmou-leusan, so that he may receive our blood and hold us against these retched Voruteut who attack our borders. Praise be to Rakmou-leusan. The origami soldiers shredded their paper with grace, torn about by the flesh and teeth of the Voruteut. The battle raised the town of Blue Earth, Minnesota, and Minister Alison Killian is authorizing new aid workers to tend to the surviving civilians. It has been suspected that the Alliance had been distributing propaganda sausages to civilians within the region, trying to turn and twist their minds until there was no empathy left, to get them to reinstate Prime Minister Orbán to power, but fortunately no sausages were found in the aftermath of the battle, and the psychology of all has been proven pure.

The same cannot be said for Plainview, Wisconsin. The official Alliance news agency in Budapest has confirmed that they have pushed the borders of the empire there, as a distribution was successful in turning all the citizens. Steaks laced with samples of the blood of Karcist Bashas were delivered the next morning, and we are sad to report all noble churchgoers were converted to Voruteut. It has been reported by my reporters in the field that several Voruteut and Orin-Privates found at the battlefield were genetic matches for the citizenry of Plainview.

In other news, Navy SEAL origami have begun filtering sympathetic refugees out of Syria and into Ortothan Europe as the final descent on Kythera begins. All rituals performed in the area have made significant progress towards the devastation of that unholy place. Finally the Aspect of Kornoct will fill the Middle East again as our trained soldiers continue their assault at the very heart of that only place. Praise Rakmou-leusan! May he shine forever. Defense Minister Molinksy, on the other hand, condemns the measures, citing vast accomplishments made between Church forces and the Alliance in the Pacific Territories, in the wake of the Great Beast's escape from Foundation facilities. Molinsky met with Senior Researcher Obrov in Paris yesterday.

A rogue band of bandits and terrorists waged war on the Philadelphia Complex yesterday, destroying two statues of Rakmou-leusan on Market Street. All good and pious citizens were outraged at the sad turn of events which led to the destruction of yet another temple complex. Many citizens report the invasion of Dream Demons. Four of the terrorists claimed allegiance to the former organization known as the Global Occult Coalition. One was what official Foundation Science Liasons to the Alliance are calling an SK-BIO Organism, but to us is obviously nothing more than a filthy Voruteut. Curse the hypocritical Foundation and the wretched empire of Karcist Bashas. May their children burn their own souls within the genitals of their parents! May their dogs impale themselves on a spike! May their–

Dr. Obrov sighed and turned the device off. Another day, another radio broadcast from a batshit crazy universe. And this one concerned him too. In that place, he was a senior researcher for some sort of totalitarian Sarkic empire. Oh joy. He walked the length of the giant computer and grabbed his USB stick from its little port. He would have to spend a good twelve, fifteen hours just writing up the reports of this broadcast. He didn't even need to listen to the whole thing that time to get the gist.

His coffee was cold. So he grabbed it and quickly plodded to his office to nuke it in his microwave. He'd been drinking nuked coffee for over five years now, most of it recycled and re-microwaved endlessly. And when he was not doing that, he was writing up detailed reports of the broadcasts he received so the guys up in Sloth's Pit could decide where to send the Bailey brothers.

This particular one proved to be a cinch. Put simply, there was a war between GoI#03088 (those Hytoth nuts) and a big fat Sarkic Alliance which had absorbed most of Europe, Asia, and West North America. Dr. Obrov vaguely wondered why no one ever talked about Africa when these sorts of things happened. It was always some group sitting around in Eurasia that tried to stir up trouble. He couldn't at all name a single GoI from Gabon or Zimbabwe or anything like that.

"What in the flying fuck would Site 87 want with this hellhole?" he thought as he typed miserably. "There's no diplomatic value." His coffee tasted even more bitter than usual. He felt yet another caffeine headache come on, so he slugged some more of the wretched stuff.

The words on the page started to swim. He rubbed his eyes and turned to look at the clock, wondering exactly how long he had been awake. Bad move. His headache stabbed ferociously, suddenly getting worse. It was getting difficult to breathe. He wiggled his tongue experimentally; all of his teeth felt loose.

His abdomen suddenly cramped, like a black hole had opened up in his bowels and was causing them to implode. He clutched his stomach miserably, hoping it would help, but he just vomited all over his desk, shorting out his computer terminal and ruining his papers. It was near impossible to draw breathe now and he was choking on his vomit. His eyes rolled back in his head.

Dr. Obrov was dead before he fell onto the floor. Blood had formed a wide pool around his head before anybody found him.

To be continued…

Next: The Undoing