01092018 - SCP Foundation

Late twenties.

Wow.

Between the drugs and porn

I'm surprised you lived that long.

Thought you'd die before you let yourself get fat.

Made amends yet?

You always told yourself that'd be first on the agenda.

Used to be it was!

But that took too much time,

and you always chickened out when you saw your sister's name.

Who has the energy?

Not you.

You have somewhere to be.

"It gets better."

Man.

You remembered when they rolled that out.

Obama-era optimism.

G-d.

You seriously voted for Obama.

Reason enough.

Goodbye to the job market.

Who has time for a crazy temp?

Not them.

Not you.

What, her?

She's moved on.

You're boring, now.

Your biggest sexual fantasy is being taken care of

like a stupid animal.

Her biggest sexual fantasy is someone else.

Come on.

Don't embarrass yourself.

If you can't smile for the camera,

don't get in front of it.

Up and at 'em, Bambi.

Time to fulfill another stereotype.

Look on the bright side:

it'll only hurt for an hour.

Then you're done.