Kill 682 - SCP Foundation

Dr. Bright stirred his coffee with a spoon, taking a long moment to savor the aroma. One unusual aspect of his bond with 963 is that certain sensations were different in each body he occupied. Colors were slightly different, smells triggered different emotions, and coffee… cheap instant coffee was unusually good in this body. Who knew that a chimpanzee's taste buds and instant coffee got along so well?

"Good morning, old chap." Dr. Kain's nails clacked on the tile floor as he trotted into the break room. "Got some good news and some bad news. First the good news: 682 escaped again last night."

"How the hell is that good news?"

"Well, after killing 792 guards on his way out, he stole a car and went on an alcoholic bender across two states."

Dr. Bright furrowed his brow. "You're pulling my leg. If that is the good news—"

Kain barked happily. "I'm not done yet! 682 wrapped the car around a tree at 150mph. The airbag did not deploy. The big bad lizard is dead."

"Of course!" Dr. Bright said. "Drunk driving! Why didn't we think of this sooner! Well, what is the bad news?"

"It was your car."

DRUNK DRIVING DESTROYS LIVES DON'T DO IT OKAY

BROUGHT TO YOU BY MADD(itcwys)

MONKEYS AGAINST DRUNK DRIVING (in their car which you stole)