Nobody Knows - SCP Foundation

Well, shit.

Yeah, I'd say you got the bastard. They don't get much more dead than that.

Okay, calm down. You're not gonna get D-Classed. Breathe, kid.

Here's what happened. You're not the one who shoved him off the building with a live grenade. You were doing your honest best t'follow orders and take the bastard in alive. You were doing just fine, too, until Nobody killed him.

Well, yeah, obviously, someone killed him. I meant Nobody, the person. Or people. Or whatever. You've heard of Nobody, right?

Yeah, that one. Does mysterious shit, helps or hurts us, an' then he disappears. He's the one who did it, understand?

No, it's not exactly lying. Okay, so it's lying, but it's lying to cover your ass, which is practically a moral obligation at this point.

Look, you're new, so I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. Everybody wants things to be simple. They want the world to make sense. Even the higher-ups. Sure, they know the world's fucked up, but they want it fucked up in a way they understand. Things out here, in the field, they get messy. Sometimes, we gotta do things they wouldn't understand. And sometimes we make honest mistakes. The higher-ups don't wanna think that sorta thing happens. We're their hands and eyes. We go out, we fix problems for them, and so far as they're concerned, we always do it the way they want.

Like, sometimes maybe you end up needing help from outside. We all know the other guys in the GOC, or MC&D, or hell, even in the CI. We trade favors when we have to, but the higher-ups wouldn't understand it, and they'd fuck it all up. Or maybe they want us to take in something alive that turns your blood to fire by lookin' at you, and never mind how you're supposed to get it done.

We do what we gotta do. We try to make the mission go through. Sometimes, that means we gotta do things they wouldn't like, sometimes it means we cut our losses. And then, when you write up the report, you gotta make everything nice and neat in a way the higher-ups understand. That's where Nobody comes in.

Everyone knows Nobody does shit that doesn't make much sense. Sometimes he helps us, gives us information, works with us. Sometimes, he comes in and fucks it up. The higher-ups, they understand about Nobody. They don't like him, but they accept that he exists and that there's not much we can do about it. So, when we write up these reports, he's real handy for tying up loose ends. At the end of the day, the mission gets done the best we can do it, and the higher-ups get a story they can swallow.

So kid, you didn't do it. You tried to take the skip in alive, but Nobody got in the way. Said some mysterious crap, I'll come up with that, and then left before we could stop him. Maybe jumped off the rooftop. He does shit like that, after all. He's Nobody.

Is he real? I dunno, kid. Ask him yourself sometime.