Doctor Cimmerian's Cooking Guide For Foundation Employees - SCP Foundation

Ahoy hoy. I'm Doctor Cimmerian, and I come from the mythical land of Alabama, ruled by Prester John and home to Site-88. We tend to work long nights and eat poor food. Well, food not up to Cimmerian Standards anyways. Thus, I come to you with four ethical Foundation recipes that'll keep you from starving on long nights with the sad box and the Bel Air disc.

The Apple of Discord

Ingredients:

1 Apple

1 Knife

Instructions:

Place the apple on the cutting board so it doesn't roll. If the apple rolls, you're doing it wrong.

Cut the apple in five equal slices. It's more ethical this way.

Conclusion:

My good friend Christina Morse came up with this one. When I asked her why five slices, she just said that's the way her parents did it. I then asked her again, clearly, why five slices, more specifically why her parents did so. She said she didn't know. When I asked if that's an ethical response, she left the room. I've decided not to push the issue.

Fluffy Rice and Chicken

Ingredients:

2 chicken breasts, halved

1 10.5 oz can of mushroom soup

1 soup can of milk

3/4 cup of uncooked rice

1 4 oz can of mushrooms

1 envelope soup mix

Instructions:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. If it heats to 350 degrees Celcius, tell your oven to stop doing that.

Mix all the ingredients together in a 9x12'' glass cake pan. The measurement is very important.

Place the chicken on top the ingredients, cover with foil, and bake for one hour.

Uncover, stir, and bake for 15 minutes longer. The chicken might come out alive. This result is unethical.

Conclusion:

You can potentially serve this with whole, halved, or diced chicken. You have to consider your life choices first, however.

Balsamic Chicken Thighs and Potatos

Ingredients:

2 lbs chicken thighs

0.5 cup white balsamic vinegar

2 tsp honey

2 tbsp olive oil

2 garlic cloves

1 tsp fresh thyme

1 tbsp of fresh parsley

2-3 basil leaves

Salt

2 Large Red Potatos

Instructions:

In one bowl, combine vinegar, oil, garlic, honey, thyme, parsley, basil, and salt. If you didn't get that, read it again.

Whisk until combined and add chicken thighs. Marinade for 20 minutes. This is so, if the chicken survives, it drowns before you eat it.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.

On stove-top over medium-high heat, sear the thighs for 3-4 minutes. While you do this, marinade the potatoes. This is so, if the potatoes survive, they drown before you eat them.

Put chicken and potatoes in pan and bake for 35-45 minutes.

Conclusion:

This won the Site-88 Cooking Contest. I won by eating the other entries before they got judged. There was no rule against this.

Chicken and Broccoli Alfredo

Ingredients:

8 oz rotini

12 oz broccoli

1 tbsp olive oil

2 boneless chicken breasts

Salt and pepper

2 tbsp butter

2 tbsp flour

3/4 cup of chicken broth

3/4 cup of milk

1/4 cup of cream

1/4 tsp garlic powder

1/4 cup of grated parmesan

Instructions:

Cook the pasta. See my Pastaphysics Orientation.

Add broccoli in the last two minutes of cooking. Drain and set aside.

Over medium heat, heat olive oil and cook the chicken seasoned with salt and pepper. Do/cook/season both sides. You don't become a winner by sticking to one side. Let the chicken cool and dice.

Melt the butter in a skillet, whisk in the flour, and add the chicken broth and milk. Cook for 1-2 minutes. If you freeze the mixture, figure it out.

Stir in the cream and garlic into the mixture for 1-2 minutes until thickened.

Stir in the parmesan, chicken, and broccoli. Combine. This is the easiest step as it involves the least skill.

Conclusion:

They say a wise man thinks once before he speaks twice. This is wrong. I've only spoken my thoughts once and I've been correct every single time.