A Little Push - SCP Foundation

Sometimes all you need is a little push.

A Little Push

In the cool sunlight of the fall, Hana Thompson sits outside of the Sleeping Salamander and idly stirs her latte. Before her on the table are a collection of small, leather-bound novellas, and the most recent edition of Serena Verdae's school paper, weighed down by her notepad.

It's blank. For the past hour or so, she had struggled to write anything in it at all. Her thoughts were elsewhere, not were they should be, and each scratch and cross-out of her pen in her notebook reminds her of this.

Oh, Vesper. What can I even do to save her? She's stuck on that island for most of the year when she's not here. Am I enough for her?

A woman sits down across from Hana, a tired look on her face, as her extra large coffee threatens to spill over onto the table, disrupting Hana from her reverie.

"Lost in thought, Hana?"

After a second, Hana realizes; it's Heather.

"Yeah, I guess you could say so." She pauses for a moment, fiddling with her pen. "Remember the other day when you met my friends? Or, rather uh, friend and… friend?"

"Right. Meri? The one who is very clearly a friend, and only a friend." Heather smirked. "What about her?"

Hana blushes and looks away, hiding her expression in her drink before taking a deep breath.

"So I was talking to Vesper last night about her and I asked them about our future. As you do, you know?"

"Obviously." Heather pauses. "So? Is there a big wedding in the future I should prepare for?"

"If there is, they didn't mention it."

Hana looks away for a moment. A gust of wind knocks loose orange and red leaves from the tree, causing them to sway to the ground below. Hana sighs.

"One of the many convenient rules about divination is that you can only learn about your own or other's deaths if you specifically ask." Hana said, rolling her eyes. "Doesn't stop Vesper from being really vague about it, though."

"I've never put much stock in 'faith', you know?" Heather begins, leaning back and crossing her legs. "You seem upset. What did Vesper say?"

“You’re going to love each other until the day you die. The day you die. Plural.”

Hana pauses, taking a moment to collect herself.

“Did I ever tell you what Meri asked me when we first met back at 19?”

"See, that's why I hate prophecies, they get into your head and make you think." Heather says, frowning. "What did Meri ask you?"

"She asked me if I would 'be her knight' after I told her about my misadventures here my first summer outside containment."

Hana places her head in her hands.

"I don't know how to protect her, Heather. I don't even know what she needs in a 'knight'. She was so shaken and scared of everything and I wanted to give her something to believe in. I don't want her to get hurt or die because of—"

"Hey." Heather interrupts, putting a hand on Hana's shoulder. "Let's breath for a second, huh kid?"

Hana looks up, sheepishly.

"First off, protecting somebody is easy. All you have to do is try, right?" She smiles at Hana. "Secondly, 'her knight'? You're more of a lesbian stereotype than I am."

"I think that's what I'm worried about too." Hana scoots forward in her chair and sighs. "I've never had a serious relationship with a girl before, and she hasn't either. I'm probably the first person she's met that's her age and who knows if she even likes girls! What if she doesn't end up liking me like that? You met her, what do you think?"

"I think that you're spiraling, Hana. Okay, so," Heather says as she leans forward conspiratorially, "You like her, right?"

Hana sighs.

"I thought I didn't before but… there's something about her. She's beautiful and curious. She wants to know so much about the world." Hana lowers her voice. "And she doesn't see me as a monster. She doesn't know what I did."

"Stop. Hana, look at me."

Heather reaches over and playfully bops Hana on the head.

"Don't be stupid. You're not a monster, okay? You were a fucking teenager." Heather shakes her head, before pausing, cocking it to one side. "Back up a second. Does she even know what a lesbian is?"

Hana shrugs.

"Most of her knowledge is from fairytales or old books as far as I'm aware. I don't know what anyone else told her on the island."

"Oh my god." Heather laughs, almost like a bark. "You're that oblivious?"

Hana turns her head, confused.

"I'm not sure I get what you mean."

"Okay. Fairytales, we all know them, they're all the same. When I describe a 'fair maiden, who lives alone, far away on an island', what would you call her?"

"A princess?"

"Right. Now in fairytales, who rescues the princess?"

"The kni— ohhhh. I get what you're saying."

Hana sighs.

"I'm not quite the storybook knight, though. I'm not chivalrous, I don't have a noble steed or squire, hell, I hardly look like a Prince Charming."

"Ignore that. Stay with me for a second."

Heather leans in, smiling.

"What happens at the end? The princess and the knight fuck off onto their own adventures?"

"The knight and the princess live happily ever after, but—"

"But what? Why can't you be her knight, Hana?"

"Because I'm a girl!" Hana blurts out.

Silence falls over the pair, but life goes on around them. Cars pass on the street, birds fly overhead, and people walk up and down the sidewalk, not paying the pair any mind.

Hana's face burns red as she looks down at the pavement.

"Congratulations, Hana, you just came out again." Heather replies, laughing. "I swear, I think I almost said that word for word! Well… I guess I can't know anymore, can I?"

Heather stares at the cars going by.

"Okay, what's the real problem here? Why would that be an issue? Fuck, Hana, does Meri even know what heteronormativity is?"

"No, but… I do. God, when I thought about what she said again I wanted to buzz my hair and start to go to the gym more often just so it would look… like that, you know?"

Hana takes a deep swig of her drink.

"Because what if she does learn and then she starts to feel weird about it? She's half-deer I'm sure she already has her own thoughts about not fitting in."

"Hana, have you ever noticed how much you are obsessed with the idea of being 'normal'?"

Heather sighs, taking a drink.

"Normal is a lie."

"Normal just feels more comfortable. It's so much easier to imagine my life like those movies, you know? It's nice to feel like I fit—"

"Hana. Look at me? Do I fit in?" Heather asks, gesturing at her large stature. "Do I look normal?"

"You look like you're comfortable." Hana brings her cup to her lips. "And like a lesbian. All you're missing are the cargo shorts and carabineer clip."

"Ha."

Heather takes a deep breath of her coffee before she frowns.

"Hana, I'm going to tell you something very few people know. Because I need you to know that I get it, trust me, I do."

Heather begins to fidget with her hands, the noise of the world around them fading away.

"I call myself a lesbian, because it's just easier. I'm somewhere closer to Bi or Queer, but… You know the jokes? The assumptions? The men who think, just because you're bisexual, even if you're fucking dating a woman, that maybe, just maybe, if they flirt with you, well, they might fix you?"

Heather laughs to herself.

"I have had to find out not only who I love, but also who I am. And you know what I learned? I learned that it's not about others, it's not about labels, it all comes down to two things. You, and the person you love. Being a lesbian is like a shield; I can yell it from the heavens, and be proud of it too, because, yeah, I am a lesbian. I'm a big fucking lesbian, and I am desperately 'in lesbians' with Lillian. Even if it's not right, even if it's not exact, I'd rather fit into a group than have to fucking go through explaining everything any time somebody asks me who Lillian is."

Heather stares into the caramel swirls of her latte.

"Sorry, I rambled. Does that… does that make sense?"

"Yeah it does, I think I'm just— I don't want to lose this, you know? I feel like I've already lost enough sleep about this, and I'm not sure if she or I are ready to make this leap yet."

Hana pauses and sighs.

"I'm not sure I'm ready to be her knight."

"I know you're bi, but fuck, Hana, you're being such a 'disaster lesbian' right now. Have you tried talking to her about it?" Heather pauses. "My advice is to just kiss her, but, you know, I've never given the best advice."

Heather pauses, and looks at Hana with genuine sympathy.

"What's the worst that could happen?"

"She would think I'm weird or clingy or overbearing and never want to talk to me again?"

"Hana, she's a fucking half-deer girl who grew up on an island by herself. I don't think you need to worry about being 'weird'. Plus, would you stop talking to her?"

"I don't know, I— I'm kind of her only friend here? I wouldn't want her to feel isolated in two places."

"Exactly. No matter what happens, or what she thinks about you, you would do anything to be there for her when she needs it, right? That no matter how she feels, you will always care about her?"

Hana thinks for a moment.

"Yeah, yeah I would." She leans forward. "Listen, Heather, I don't think this is some high school crush or 80s movie romance. This feels real. I want this to be real." Her eyes water slightly. "I even thought of adding her to my memory grounding exercises, you know?"

"I'm going to say something, and it is going to sound like bullshit, but I promise you — this is true, and I live my life by this." Heather blushes slightly. "I got rid of my memories because I couldn't imagine losing Lillian; I started dating her because the both of us were tired of dreaming, tired of waiting for the 'movie moment' to come by, tired of chasing a dream."

"And months later, I am living the dream. We made it real— but somebody had to take the first leap. If Lillian and I hadn't gone for it, if we hadn't—"

Heather swallows hard, fighting back tears, before continuing.

"If we hadn't, I wouldn't still be here. You wouldn't even remember me. The truth is that you and Meri, you've been dealt a rough hand, and now you're stuck as part of the Foundation, defining your lives around 'normalcy' — now are you going to wait, dreaming of being 'normal', or are you going to let yourself live your life, take risks, and ask the girl out?"

"It really is like Vesper said, huh?" Hana laughs, nervously. "'Til death do us part and all that."

"Fuck, I forgot about that." Heather shakes her head. "Fate is tell you that the two of you belong together, and you're still fighting it?"

"Didn't you say earlier that you hated prophecies?" Hana smiles. "We can't control fate, but I think I would be happy with this one."

"God. Do not get me started on prophecies again, I've fucking had it up to here with trying to interpret that shit." Heather smiles back. "So?"

"I'll do it when the moment's right, probably some time before winter break. We'll go for a picnic or a walk or go to the conservatory, I'll grab her favorite drink and snacks and then boom! Ask her to be my girlfriend. Ask her to be my girlfriend…"

Hana shakes her head.

"No that's so cheesy— oh! Instead, I'll be really knight-like about it and, and I'll—"

"Hana, give me your phone."

Heather holds out her hand, expectantly.

"Why? What are you doing with my phone?"

"Do you trust me?"

"More than a lot of the other adults in my life? Yes. But look I don't want things to go to fast, alright? Baby steps. Baby steps."

"Great. Phone please."

Hana, defeated, reaches into the pocket of her baby blue jacket and hands her phone to Heather.

"Don't go through my texts or photos, please. It's hard enough keeping stuff hidden when I get back to site."

"Scout's honor, I'm just going to—"

Heather pauses, as she deftly navigates the phone. She pauses for a second, giving Hana an appraising look. Hana squirms under her gaze, before Heather smiles — a look of pure mischief.

"Okay. Done. You can have your phone back when I head out."

"What! What if she answers? I want to see what she says." Hana places her head on the table. "It's over. She's never going to want to talk to me again."

Hana's phone buzzes, as if waiting for the funniest moment. Heather looks at the screen, smirks, and puts the phone away.

"So. What else is going on in your world?"

"Heather… what did it say? Please?" Hana's voice is still muffled by the table.

"I'll read you her reply. 'Oh. I did not know you thought that. I would enjoy that.' Does that answer your question, Hana?" Heather says, barely managing to hold back her laughter.

"Heather…" Hana hangs onto the final r. Finally, she picks her head up from the table. Her face is burning red, and a hand covers her mouth.

"You're so lucky that went well. If, god if she said she didn't want to talk to me anymore I would've—" She takes a deep breath before laughing. "Thank you, Heather. I don't think I would have had the strength to do that on my own."

"Trust me, it's a lot easier when you're not the one who is hopelessly in love." Heather laughs alongside Hana. "This is why people listen to me, I'm obviously a genius."

"Yeah, sure."

Hana giggles. She takes a moment to fix her hair, and flatten out her jacket.

"So, Heather. How has life been treating you lately?"

"Did I tell you about the day I could only speak French? 'Un cauchemar' as I found out."

As Heather began to recount yet another tale of memetic mayhem, Hana took a deep breath, and for the first time in a long time, it didn't feel like the world was falling apart. The wind was still blowing, the leaves still falling, time still ticking away — and yet, she felt safe. Prepared. Ready to protect her princess.

Princess

Hey Meri, I need to tell you something. I think that you are beautiful, and I would love to spend more one-on-one time with you.

Would you want to go on a picnic some time?

Oh. I did not know you thought that. I would enjoy that.