If You Are Reading This... - SCP Foundation

Throughout the various facilities of the SCP Foundation, it is not uncommon for the facility Ethics Committee liaison to collect letters from the personnel. These letters are typically addressed to friends within the Foundation, or family members who have Family Disclosure Protocol clearance, and are delivered in the event of death…

+ To Cole Aktus

- To Cole Aktus

Cole,

This letter may come as some surprise to you, as it’s been many years since we last spoke. If you’re reading this, I have died. The small sum of my estate will be donated to you shortly through an anonymous source. I hope it brings you some comfort.

I have little else to say that I haven’t already said. I hope you know that, regardless of everything, I have loved you and Joshua desperately. You were all I had in the world. I wish I had been a better brother to you.

Maybe mother was right. Maybe I’ll see her again on that distant shore.

Yours,

Karlyle

+ To Kate Conwell

- To Kate Conwell

Kate,

If you are reading this, that thing I promised would never happen… happened.

They had us write these letters so as to offer some closure, so let's give it a shot.

I know I wasn't always the happiest or most lively person to be around. Hell, there were so many times in my life I didn't want to be around me either, but that never seemed to scare you off and neither did the time I told you about what I really did for a living. Perhaps you were always just a glutton for punishment, cause let's be honest its not my rugged good looks that kept you around. Whatever the reason, I really was out of my league with you. I know you always thought it was the other way around, but for me you were a 12/10 and I was a -2.

There were a lot of points in my life I thought I would die alone, Kate. Sometime after I met you, however, that thought shattered, and I knew you were the one I could spend my life with, and I can't express in words how happy I am you felt the same.

I hope that in our time together I gave you even a part of the joy you gave me.

God damn this is really cliche, isn't it? Oh well, I'm guess I'm not being graded on my originality here.

Tell Zach and Carrie that I'm proud of them, and wherever the road takes them, I know they'll succeed.

I love you, Kate.

With all the atoms of my being, I love you.

Jacob

+ To Dr. Eleanor Gentle

- To Dr. Eleanor Gentle

Ellie

If you're reading this, then I'm dead. You'll already know this from whatever debriefing they made you sit through, but there are things I need to say that I haven't said in person, or need to say again.

Firstly, I don't regret doing what I do. Knowing you, I know you're going to be somehow blaming yourself for my death. However this happened, it's not your fault. I know that you will have done everything you could have for me. In the event I died to save you, I definitely don't regret that. I like this job, and I loved working on it with you, and I've always known that this might be the price that would be paid for that.

I'm going to have to ask you to deliver the news to my family. I don't feel like I have a lot that I want to say to them in a letter, and you've always been better with them than I have. I'm sorry to ask this of you, but I feel comforted in knowing you're there for them when they need it.

I've left everything to you in my will. Which admittedly isn't much, but I want you to have it anyway. I trust you'll find something good to do with it. You'll also find my funeral instructions with the will. Rest assured, I made sure there's a little something in the playlist just for you.

Most importantly, you deserve to know the truth about who you are. You're going to need to read the files on the project I was working on immediately before I met you. Of all the things I'm sorry for, I'm sorry I won't be there for you when you figure it out. You may have noticed I've been selective with the projects we work on, and have vetoed some projects that would otherwise be safe for most people. This will tell you why. I trust that you'll be able to come to terms with it, and understand that your origins do not make you any less of a person to me, or to anyone else.

I love you Ellie. I always have.

~ Dr. Horatio Gifts

+ To Patrick Gerdinel

- To Patrick Gerdinel

Hey Patrick,

I know we never really spoke much, but you always kept me company. Stood by me when I was down. You listened to me even when I gave you the most outrageous commands.

I should’ve been around more often. It must’ve been hard to stay in that empty house for eight hours a day. But that won’t be the case anymore. Unless something happened to my will, my friend Tricia is going to come by soon and you’re going to stay with her.

Now is when most people would put in some kind of last request, but if you’re reading this, and understanding this, then I will be the happiest man in the graveyard.

I wish we could play another round of fetch.

I should have pet you more.

You really were a man’s best friend.

-Niklo Gerdinel

A recording is to be delivered with the letter, and played at least once. It is to be left in the care of whoever receives it.

The recording has been transcribed below:

Oh, who's a good boy? You are! You're a good boy! Yes you are. You deserve all the treats. Yes you do. Yes you do. Because you're the best dog in the… in the whole world. Good boy.

+ To God, or Whatever’s Out There

I'm really curious to know who will end up receiving this letter... It's a shame I won't be there to witness it.

Dear God,

If you're reading this, I suppose the inevitable has finally caught up with me, and I'm probably on my way to you. It's strange writing to someone I've never been sure exists, but there's no one else. I’ve lived a life so focused on my work that I never made space for people. I spent my life in pursuit of answers, always asking, never pausing long enough to notice the silence. I had no one to write to in the end—no family to mourn, no friends to weep. But I thought maybe, just maybe, You might listen.

The doctors told me about the rare condition eating away at my brain. They said it was slow, but I’ve felt every bit of it—the fog, the confusion, the way it’s pulling me toward the end. I thought I had time, but it seems I was wrong.

As of writing, the doctors still don’t know what exactly this condition is—and even here, at the Foundation, no one has been able to explain it yet. Maybe that’s why I’m writing this letter. I’ve spent my life as a man of science, but after all the things I’ve seen, all the horrors we’ve locked away, I’m not so sure anymore. Maybe someone like You does exist after all.

I never really understood why You let my parents abandon me so young. Did You know how much I wondered if I was worth anything after that? Maybe that’s why I buried myself in my work—trying to prove I mattered, that I was enough. But all it did was cost me the only people who ever showed me a glimpse of love. Now it’s too late to make things right. I can’t take that back now. I never told them I was sorry, never showed them I could be more than the empty shell the Foundation molded me into.

I regret it, all of it. I pushed everyone away, thinking I was doing the right thing. I wonder if You’ve seen that before, watched someone destroy their life in the name of something larger. If You’re there, maybe You’ll understand.

The condition is getting worse. My mind is slipping, bit by bit. But before it goes, I ask for one last thing, protect them. The ones I’ve hurt, the ones I’ve failed, The ones I lost because of my own mistakes. Keep them safe from the horrors of the world—the things that lurk beyond the veil. They deserve better, better than what I became.

At least let them have the peace I could never find.

I never thought I’d turn to You, but here I am, at the end of my rope… Slowly losing hope. I just didn’t want to go without at least trying to reach out.

I hope You understand that I did the best I could, even if the world and I were never quite on the same page. If You ever cared to glance my way, well, I guess it's too late now. Still, it would’ve been nice to know You were there all along.

Sincerely,

Dr. Alexander Avenlee

+ To Mr. and Mrs. Kiryu

- To Mr. and Mrs. Kiryu

Hi Mom and Dad,

Zyn and I are co-writing this letter because it felt like the right thing to do. We were told it was standard but optional protocol to have such a letter in the first place, but then, you've always encouraged us to go above and beyond the bare minimum, right? And siblings stick together.

If you're reading this, then something has happened to one or both of us. Rest assured that we've taken all the proper steps to have you and everyone else in the immediate family cared for, including those overseas. I've made sure that any remaining funds in both our names will go to those who need them, and Auntie Rin's children can receive the same opportunities Mark and I were fortunate enough to have thanks to your hard work. As for your own retirement, we have done our best to ensure you may live with very few worries. It's the least we can do in exchange for all you've done for us.

I don't like long letters because at that point a phone call or meeting in person just makes much more sense, but that's not really possible here so I suppose I'll write a little more. If you do hold a service for one or both of us, please don't let anyone attending wear black. It's depressing. I'd like my life to be remembered with balloons and pop music and people assuming that I'm just having a great extended vacation. I'm sure Zyn feels the same, but maybe without the balloons.

Thank you for all the advice you have given us. And thank you for every time you told us you were proud of what we've done and who we are. We remember all the family trips, the visits to our aunts and uncles, the days you spent telling us about how to be strong in the world. For that, we are eternally grateful. More than anything, we don't want you to worry about us.

Mom, we hope you sleep more soundly in the springtime. Dad, we hope you keep getting to see butterflies by your office window in autumn. And again, thanks for everything you've done for us. We'll be alright.

~ Mark & Zyn

+ To Nicholas Mauro

- To Nicholas Mauro

I asked myself whether I would send this to you.

Not because I blame you for what happened then. Not because I don’t love you with every fiber in my being. No… It’s because letters like these are cruel to us.

I never told you, but I was in class when you sent the message. My phone was on silent; my friends were blowing it up with the same petty crap. So by the time I saw those first four words… if you’re reading this… I thought it was too late. I hate myself for that, for thinking it was ever too late. For just sitting there, reading, not calling Mom, or Dad, or 911, wondering how this could happen to us, wondering what I’d done wrong.

I’ve lived with that hatred since. It’s deep and persistent, blind to time and place and all the ways it was out of our hands. You’ll feel it too, I know. You and I, we can’t help but feel; we’re the same in that way, even if I’m better at hiding it. Knowing that, I almost didn’t write this letter.

But I did. If you’re reading this, it’s because deep down, beneath all that guilt, I’m grateful you sent that message.

I’d like to think it’d have given me closure.

I’d like to think that this will, too.

Nico, you’ve always meant the world to me. Not a moment passes without the pride I feel for the man you’ve become. You’re the reason I hug strangers, the reason I look back at burnt bridges. The reason I even like cats – Sneakers and Pistol were lucky to have you. I was blessed to be born before you, so I could watch every step you took. If I died with enough time to feel, I was mad at whatever took me away from you.

I’ll miss you, Nico. If you’re reading this, you’re still the best brother I could ever ask for.

+ To Gabe Merlo

- To Gabe Merlo

Hey Gabe,

If you are reading this, then my luck has finally run out.

I'm not really sure what to write here. I mean, what do you tell someone if you know that they'll only see it when you're dead? But hey, here goes nothing.

Do you remember our third date. I've personally always called it the Great Train Wreck in my mind. Absolutely nothing went right. The restaurant lost the reservations, your car got a flat, and there was a torrential downpour. Most people would have been pretty pissed off, but you just took everything in good humor. That was the night I realized that the world could be falling down around you and you'd still keep your stride, and that if the world fell down around me, you'd always be there to hold me up.

And fuck, the world fell down around me a lot over the years.

I'm so lucky that I could spend even a fraction of my life with you Gabe, and I know that without me Jessie will still be in great hands. Hell, you spent more time with her over the years than I did.

I love you so much, Gabe.

Don't ever let the world dim your shine.

Sasha

+ To Micheal Mishik

- To Micheal Mishik

Archivist's Note: the following text has been translated from Estonian by the Level-0 Mail Department.

An included item of interest is a picture of personnel member █████ Trout with his brother, amidst a crowd of people. On the back of the picture, written in purple ink, are the words: "Ida-müür, Berliin 1989"

Dear Bear,

If you're reading this, then I have gone from walking this Earth to being thrown into a wooden box and buried under 6 feet of dirt. Sorry for giving it to you so bluntly like that, you know how I can be.

Please forgive this sudden departure and do not grieve over me. I want to just write to you how I feel if I'm not there to express these thoughts before this letter: I love you. Since we were little children, we punched, tore, and screamed at each other about every little detail. You always had the aspect of wanting to go and do bad things like steal the potatoes from Ms. Millia while I wanted to go to the library and read. In Tallinn, we'd get pissy whenever Mother forced us to sit next to each when taking pictures. All of the brotherly hate we had towards each other had still not vanished. However in the end we kept each other's backs. The way you helped deal with my emotional problems when Dad had passed from the accident I caused. You were there for the early days in my career of highschool and college. Up to now you've never blamed me nor anyone for my foul life. Still, from what had happened on the 12th I greatly and deeply felt sorrow, misery, and just… something. I’m so sorry to have to leave so soon, even without giving you a hug goodbye.

Please deliver the news slowly to Mother. I leave you my items and things that’ll ‘interest’ you at home.

Code is 2264.

Your brother, Trout.

P.S: Also congrats on your entry into the Navy, I expect that promotion to Nooremmaat. Keep our tradition going little one.

+ To Ralph Roget

- To Ralph Roget

Ralphie, I'm finished. We both knew this was coming, myself more than you.

I've been falling recently. Don't worry, they didn't take that. It was my choice to keep it from you. It was the last thing you needed, with the weight of the world heaving itself on your shoulders. Theodore told me I would start having fits. Dizzy spells, body giving out on me. But I wouldn't have a walker. Not going out like that. I'm going to be on my own feet, or my back. It's more important that you're ready. Maybe that changed before you read this. I won't know.

You're going to be alone now. We're the only family we've got, real ones. Even if we don't know how. I can remember when they started teaching you, when I would watch outside the classroom. One day you just started tilting your head like crazy. God, I was afraid. So many fears, maybe thinking you were having a seizure. Don't remember why I was afraid of that. So much is gone. Then it turned out you just needed to pee. Learning about what gramma did, hearing noises in the bathroom. It petrified you. I'm sorry you were born into this life. Maybe we had a choice, once, but that time is long forgotten.

Can you control who you are if we can't even curate our own heads? That's the question our lives have to answer. Impossible to know where we came from, or whom we came with, who you are is going to be up to you. What kind of person do you want to be? Not a good or a bad one. That doesn't matter. What you already know about the Foundation's legacy proves that. Shouldering a burden nobody else can. Hoping we're doing something right.

I remember your hugs, even in mindful places that have nothing but haze. Hold on to memories like those, the spots where they haven't scrubbed clean. Hold on to them like you held onto me. If you're reading this, you remember I love you.

Gilly

+ To Scip

- To Scip

Hey,

I’ll try to put this as lightly as I can; “He’s dead, Jim.” You probably already knew this, but I thought you’d want a second opinion.

You know how it is around here, so much life and death, so many secrets and world saving schemes, but finally it seems one of them called my number. Or I missed the big world reset. If that’s the case, I hope you can still remember me and are celebrating the world continuing to turn! Being completely forgotten wouldn’t be the worst thing, though only if it meant fewer tears to go around.

If it's the former though and you can still recall who I am, please tell mom and dad what we talked about. They don’t need to know everything, just that I love you all so much and I’m sorry I didn’t call them more often. I don’t believe in regrets, but I know the years started flying by once we got out into the world. Remember the best of me and for your sake, remember to do more of the things you want to do in life before your number comes up too. I believe in you.

And if you’re reading this from deep inside a bunker while the world burns above you, I’m sorry I can’t be there to watch it burn with you.

Love, your brother,

Dr. Todd-King

+ To Ana Yarkoni

- To Ana Yarkoni

My beloved Ana,

If you're reading this, then I'm afraid you already know what this letter is about.

As per my will, my estate, excluding that which will be left to care for your mother, will be sent to you shortly. In addition, my employer will be sending you a regular pension for a period of five years after my death, as per the stipulations in my contract. Arrangements for my funeral and burial have already been established, so don't worry about that.

If I'm honest, I'm not sure what to write. I've never exactly been good at being vulnerable; it always felt like a weakness, that if I wasn't a rock, I couldn't protect the ones I loved. That was a mistake on my part, and I can't change my past.

How has life been? As I'm writing this, you've moved in with your partner, correct? Despite how it might look, I hope you two are still together. I know I wanted grandchildren, but

I just wanted you to know that

If I could do everything over from the start, I'd have been a better father. I wouldn't have missed a single recital, or birthday, or even your graduation. My professi

Nothing I write feels genuine enough.

I'm sorry. I hope to see everyone in the next world.

Yehezkel

+ To my ex

- To my ex

If you're reading this, it's too late.

I need some company, I need some company, I need you to take my mind off being in my prime, some company…

I'm not sure what your thoughts on Drake were, Jade. Of all the artists we spent ages talking about, not once did we talk about Drake. I don't know what you'd think of his style. Your tastes in rap leaned a lot more towards harder and darker stuff, so most likely you wouldn't have really liked him, I guess. I like that kind of poppy, soulful music, which is always why I preferred 808s & Heartbreak. No wonder that was your least favorite of Kanye's.

What site do you work at nowadays? If it were Site-19, I'd surely have seen you around. The place is big, but it's not that big. Can't be Site-62, or else they'd have wiped you from my memories (though maybe you'd have preferred that). Area-02? I'd have gotten this sort of letter from you by now. Whichever site is probably low-danger and has safe objects. Let's say 64. Tell Dr. Avery I said hi! I'm sure he'd be happy to hear from me, though not under this set of circumstance.

There's no format they give you to write these in, you know? (You know.) Sometimes they have you write these when you first join, sometimes before you're promoted, sometimes before a real dangerous mission, and sometimes whenever you'd like. Which one is it in my case? I don't think it matters. Really, I'm not sure it matters in most casess. They have suggested templates for any and all of those scenarios, but you lose the heart and soul of a personal goodbye in those. And I've never been good at saying goodbye, you know? (You know.)

So instead, for you, I present my final words to world as this; a series of barely-related messages in the hopes that I can reach you emotionally, regardless of how you may feel about me. I'll have had to have fucked up real bad though in order for you to get this, so you probably won't feel much sympathy. Am I just overestimating how much you dislike me by now? I don't feel secure, if I'm being honest.

Maybe I won't die though. I didn't die by hate crime, I didn't die by suicide, and I didn't die mentally, so I definitely won't die physically. I'll live for-goddamned-ever, such is my will. You'll never have to read this, so this is all just for me and my benefit. But if somehow, I die, well… I trust you more than anoyne else save for myself.

I think the best memory we have of each other wasn't any of the sex, or the dancing, or cuddling, but on December 31, 2011. Jeffery got us joints and we all got high and watched movies about music that entire day. What was it, the second or third film? We saw that Janis Joplin movie and it was fine, but the ending song really got to me. I was full-on crying. You have to remember that, I rarely ugly cry like that. How did it end again?

Just remember in the winter

Far beneath the bitter snows

Lies the seed that with the sun's love

In the spring becomes the rose.

Hah. Cheesy and predictable, isn't that just like me? Pour le temps, mon ami, adieu.