Lillian Lillihammer And The Great Meme War - SCP Foundation

From:
vktm@vk.tm

To:
william.wettle@site43.scp.int

Subject:
A question for you.

Hello, our beloved.

We would have preferred to do this in person, but we were busy, you were busy, there was a whole ordeal trying to get things sorted in order to kidnap you and we decided to just send an email instead. We wanted to let you know that we have met someone and, well… we have so much capability for love.

It's not that you're not enough, trust us, you are, it's that we feel that this person would add so much to our relationship. Like a missing puzzle piece or a compilation of you falling over and farting (AVAILABLE NOW FOR $24.99!), we just believe that this would bring our relationship closer to feeling complete. We want you to meet them.

Let us know your thoughts~ <3

Yours,

Vikander-Kneed Technical Media

For a better tomorrow!

From:
william.wettle@site43.scp.int

To:
vktm@vk.tm

Subject:
RE: A question for you.

How did you people even get this email?!

I am too busy saving the world and doing my job to bother with this nonsense. And just so you know, the only reason I haven't annulled this sham marriage is because Goldbaker-Reinz said they insured life partners, and I'm pretty sure that Lillihammer is going to kill you guys sooner rather than later.

I want my payout.

Replication Studies

Dr. William Wettle, Site-43

From:
vktm@vk.tm

To:
william.wettle@site43.scp.int

CC:
lillian.lillihammer@site43.scp.int

Subject:
RE:RE:A question for you.

Oh, good! You two already know each other! I'll just CC her in this email then, dear. Anyway, what do you think of her? She's beautiful, isn't she? And so smart, too!

Yours,

Vikander-Kneed Technical Media

For a better tomorrow!

From:
lillian.lillihammer@site43.scp.int

To:
william.wettle@site43.scp.int

Subject:
RE:RE:RE: A question for you.

Willie, I want you to— no, need you to tell me why the fuck VKTM are emailing me about joining their marriage with you. I know you're the world's least appealing and most disappointing man, but surely you can't have been such a lacking partner that even a corporation is seeking fulfillment in me. I get it; I'm everything you're not, but I will not be anyone's third. Especially not for a failing marriage between VKTM of all things and the world's least fuckable man.

Memetics and Countermemetics

Dr. Lillian Lillihammer, Site-43

From:
william.wettle@site43.scp.int

To:
vktm@vk.tm

Subject:
RE:RE:RE:RE: A question for you.

Do you think I like this, Lillian?! Do you think I like being tormented by these people? Do you think I want to be married to them? Just tell them you're not interested and we can both move on with our lives. I'm stuck with them until you kill them.

Replication Studies

Dr. William Wettle, Site-43

From:
vktm@vk.tm

To:
william.wettle@site43.scp.int

CC:
lillian.lillihammer@site43.scp.int

Subject:
Hello?

Hello husband and prospective additional partner,

You've been quiet an awfully long time… Do you not like each other? Are you talking amongst yourselves? Why won't you let us into this conversation? Did we do something wrong?

Yours,

Vikander-Kneed Technical Media

For a better tomorrow!

From:
lillian.lillihammer@site43.scp.int

To:
william.wettle@site43.scp.int

Subject:
A Warning

Willie, I am only warning you about this now because if McInnis finds out I didn't, he will do something to try and punish me. So don't open my reply to these people, okay?

Memetics and Countermemetics

Dr. Lillian Lillihammer, Site-43

From:
lillian.lillihammer@site43.scp.int

To:
vktm@vk.tm

CC:
william.wettle@site43.scp.int

Subject:
RE: Hello?

Memetics and Countermemetics

Dr. Lillian Lillihammer, Site-43

From:
vktm@vk.tm

To:
william.wettle@site43.scp.int

CC:
lillian.lillihammer@site43.scp.int

Subject:
RE:RE:Hello?

Hello husband and prospective additional partner,

We have some of those too! Check it out!

Yours,

Vikander-Kneed Technical Media

For a better tomorrow!

From:
lillian.lillihammer@site43.scp.int

To:
vktm@vk.tm

CC:
william.wettle@site43.scp.int

Subject:
RE:RE:RE: Hello?

That's cute, but my CRV is way higher than whatever that was. Anyway, try this on for size.

Memetics and Countermemetics

Dr. Lillian Lillihammer, Site-43

From:
vktm@vk.tm

To:
william.wettle@site43.scp.int

CC:
lillian.lillihammer@site43.scp.int

Subject:
RE:RE:RE:RE:Hello?

Hello husband and prospective additional partner,

Oh wow, I love the colors on that one. What do you think, Willie? Anyway, here's another one of my favorites. It's from our documentary series on pets (AVAILABLE NOW FOR $25.99!) and other creatures.

Yours,

Vikander-Kneed Technical Media

For a better tomorrow!

From:
lillian.lillihammer@site43.scp.int

To:
vktm@vk.tm

CC:
william.wettle@site43.scp.int

Subject:
RE:RE:RE:RE:RE: Hel…

That one almost gave me a headache. Almost.

Memetics and Countermemetics

Dr. Lillian Lillihammer, Site-43

Your name is Eileen Veiksaar, Chief of Identity and Technocryptography. You just pulled the emergency switch on Site-43's email servers. Not only had they been compromised by a third party, but someone had decided to start sending kill agents through the system. To make matters worse, whoever they were meant to kill had proven immune and had started sending kill agents of their own. You pinch the bridge of your nose and sigh, watching as the servers shut off. Soon enough, everyone would be complaining and it will be your job to go through the system and remove all kill agents without killing yourself, and restore the site's email access. Oh, and Wettle is catatonic in his office, he apparently saw one of these kill agents.

Today can't get any better.

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