Ridgewell Edutainment Center Monthly Newsletter - SCP Foundation

THE REC LETTER 8/14/24

by Principal Rayna Sunshine

😄 Happy how-de-do, Moms and Dads! 😄

Boy, August is a doozy, isn't it? The sky is so bright, and the outside room hurts my skin more than ever. When the school year starts, I'm tasking my students with finding out why that's happening and if we can stop it!

Even if we can't, whenever I come back to our great campus to start another semester, I see the EDUTAINMENT OBELISK still standing strong, and I'm reminded how everything's going to be okay. It doesn't matter what the world looks like outside, because in here, we're deciding the future, shaping the minds of tomorrow, and giving praise to the EDUTAINMENT OBELISK. And we're having fun doing it!

Let's see what the 24/25 school year brings to Ridgewell Edutainment Center!

AUGUST 2024 STUDENT OF THE MONTH:

EDDIE CARMICHAEL!

Our school year hasn't even begun, but 12-year-old Eddie Carmichael is already in the building! In fact, it looks like he didn't leave for Summer Break in the first place! He's been sitting in one spot in the assembly hall for three months now, studying a potted fern. Somehow, the fern has been studying him, too. Now, spiderwebs are at his knees. The branches of the fern are growing towards him, stretching closer with each passing day, while he sits still. So, so perfectly still.

When we asked Eddie what advice he has for his fellow students who also want to get ahead, he told us: "Stop interrupting me. I'm so close to perfection. I'm so close to planthood." Way to go, Eddie!

BACK-TO-SCHOOL SHOPPING!

Knowing what school supplies to shop for can be such a gosh-damn hassle for both students and parents - which is why, at Ridgewell Edutainment Center, we use the helpful acronym PPPMCN2PTPEMDAS! That's Pencils, Pens, Paper, Mechanical Pencils, No. 2. Pencils, Ticonderoga Pencils, Erasers, Maybe Desks, and Staplers! Don't worry, staples will be provided.

Some of our lesser teachers may have their own list of whatsits your child will need, just for their class! How greedy of them. Make sure you grab these gobstoppers if your child has one of the following classes:

Intro to Complex Emotions

with Ms. Udailey, 4th Grade:

One (1) sick or dying pet, preferably mammalian. This year, insects or fish will not be allowed.

Five (5) books once owned by now-deceased members of your extended family.

NOTE JUST FOR STUDENTS: If you give me both your parents' wedding rings, you will immediately pass this class. Your parents cannot find out about this.

Intro to Cosmic Unfolding

with Mrs. Anne-Howwe, 10th Grade:

One (1) second from the years 2038, 2061, or 2100. Do not store your future seconds above room temperature or leave them in a hot car!

At least three (3) recently-produced lead ingots from Ancient Rome. Do not store your lead ingots above room temperature or leave them in a hot car!

Half (0.5) an atom. It doesn't matter where you keep it.

Intro to the Monster that Turns Children into Pencils

No Teacher, All Grades:

Your child will not need to bring pencils to school if they are taking this class.

RIDGEWELL PARENT POLL:

Which of these activities would you most want to see added to Free Period at REC?

Creative writing and peer critique

Mixing it up

Rooster plucking

Regicide

Game development and coding

Licking a spark plug

To take part in this poll, whisper your answer to the EDUTAINMENT OBELISK anytime after school hours. Make sure your voice is heard!

MEET THE SCPS!

This year, we've listened, and we've heard your complaints about children coming home from Ridgewell Edutainment Center injured or inhuman! While it is our policy that being human is boring and your kid wanted to be a dragon anyways, we will start taking measures to make sure they don't get hurt in the process: introducing the SCP PROJECT!

What are SCPs? Why, only SCHOOL CHAPERONES & PLAYMATES, of course! These trained professionals will not only monitor your children, but engage with them on a unique level, leading to new and unique educational experiences! Why don't we introduce you to some of them?

🥜 SCP #173: PEEK-A-BOO PENNY

RECOMMENDED FOR: Children age 0-4

This cute little cashew is a champion at games proven to aid the development of our youngest students - games like peek-a-boo, red-light-green-light, and Find the Larynx!

⚫ SCP #••|•••••|••|•

RECOMMENDED FOR: Neurodivergent Children

Studies show that the best treatment for nonverbal autistic children is to get rid of all the annoying loud people who keep "using their words." Our little neurodiverse students have found a new best friend - but we're not naming names! 😉

🐱 SCP #3166: GARY THE PUTRID GLUTTON

RECOMMENDED FOR: Children age 10-17

Animal therapy is invaluable in developing adolescent minds - well, we can't find any real animals, but Gary is the next best thing! Literacy and culinary science are our two most dangerous subjects, but with Gary teaching, their mortality rate has fallen below 50%!

That's all for this month's edition of The Rec Letter! Y'all, I'm so excited to be back. I know my students are, too!

And remember - at Ridgewell Edutainment Center, our motto is play together, learn together, be together.® Our other motto is ETERNAL GLORY TO THE EDUTAINMENT OBELISK!® G'bye!

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