CCK-Class--Sorry, Original Character Interaction Story - SCP Foundation

LORDXVNV

Original Character Interaction Story by LORDXVNV

LORDXVNV's Author Page

"[DATA EXPUNGED]!" the legally-distinct cyborg samurai clad in dark armor shouted as he lunged for the Ring of Nibelung, deflecting the Foundation mad-scientist's (credentials: captain of Foundation Space Starship SCP-2063, mad scientist, grandfather) ontokinetic retroactive existence eraser fireball with his vibrating British science-wand as he did so.

"Don't have a cow man" said the mad scientist with wild hair. "My grandson, if the cyborg samurai enforcer of the evil empire gets the Ring of Gyges, that would be bad. Quick, activate the beacon to call doctors i.e. foundation personnel from across time and space."

The junior researcher frowned. "Why are you telling me this? I already know all of that, dick—"

Scarcely had the words left his mouth when the mad scientist grabbed him by the labcoat lapels and smashed his nose in with his forehead. "Don't you ever fucking call me that, you little shit!"

"Why not…" whined the Junior Researcher through a bleeding nose. "Isn't it your na—"

"It's because—oh fuck!" said the alcoholic mad scientist, releasing his grandson. "We're in a pataphysical breakdown and a powerful corporation that owns our likenesses is going to sue us out of existence! Nothing is real! Nothing is real!"

"Is that why the cyborg samurai has been doing dances from popular culture, many of which were litigated upon being included without their originator's permission in the popular video game Fortnite?"

The cyborg samurai with magical powers was indeed doing said dances. It continued.

Just then the door to the Foundation Space Starship SCP-2063 opened up (it's using SCP-2063 as we've established) and Dr. Clef walked through.

"How's my other fellow immortal who goes through bodies like I go through girlfriends?" said Doctor Clef.

"You know that's in really poor taste," said the junior researcher. "Especially ever since Dr. Bright was cancelled."

"Shut up," Dr. Clef and the other doctor, who was not Bright, said simultaneously.

"Alto," said the mad scientist, "Nothing is real and nothing matters!"

"What else is new?" said Dr. Clef.

"No I mean," said the mad scientist who wasn't Doctor Clef, "We're in a shitty metafanfiction that no one on earth will ever consider canon."

"Wonderful" said Dr. Clef. "That means no consequences."

"Bro, too far," said the alcoholic mad scientist who was a terrible grandfather.

Just then the evil cyborg samurai went through the window of the FSS SCP-2063 with help from his good friend SCP-106. He pointed his vibrating British science-wand at Dr Clef.

"Better three hours too soon than a minute too late," he said in the voice of a wise grandfatherly lion dispensing wisdom from Hamlet.

"Hey, where did you get that vibrator," Dr. Clef said. "My last hookup had one just like it."

The cyborg samurai removed his evil black mask. Underneath it he was a handsome roguish traveler from beyond time and space. He had a bowtie on and was handsome in a boyish way.

"I am infiltrating corporate media," said the handsome fellow. "Corporate ownership of art has gone too far. We should be able to release our fanfiction under creative commons. It is a matter of the human imagination, which I am a metaphor for, as you can tell from my description as indicative of handsomely roguish yet also boyish, which is why all of my stories are set in highly bucolic areas where it is convenient to film unless they're in edgy works most people have never heard of."

But then the holoprojector of the FSS SCP-2063 flickered to life. It was a rodent with bulbous, swollen ears. "Haha ha," he chortled. He said a sequence of nonsensical words in Russian with a cadence highly suggestive of Cold War era propaganda intended to represent brainwashing.

"I hear and obey," said the embodiment of British hopefulness and he vanished once more behind the dark mask of the evil empire. He raised his hands and prepared to cast a generic purple magic spell.

"Ha ha ha," chortled the mouse.

"Fuck this shit," said the mad scientist. "Alto, let's go to do something else."

"But how," said Alto Clef. "That dude destroyed the door back to the Foundation!" (this happened don't question it.)

"This is a shitty fanfiction with the names swapped out," said the mad scientist. "I have a deus ex machina. It's necessary since a majority of my character quirks have been swapped out to turn me into a legally distinct blob but I still have it."

"Oh, like me being a liar and also god, which are also highly inconsistent depending on the writer," said Clef.

"Exactly," said the mad scientist. "I'm going to jump between dimensions."

"Oh. Huh. Well, Andrea and Iris told me about this one where—"

"I am also a magical traveler from beyond time and space beneath this mask," said the cyborg samurai. "I too can jump between dimensions."

"You see this shit, Alto?" the mad scientist said. "Look at it we're clearly in some sort of intentionally bad fanfiction that's stupid and contrived."

"I don't know," Dr. Clef said. "That actually seems pretty well-foreshadowed by him being a handsome roguish traveler from beyond time and space in the exposition—"

"Gee gramps, what are you going to do about it, oh yikes oh Yahweh?" said the junior researcher.

"I'm going to go up layers of the narrative," said the mad scientist. "I'm going to find the bastard who's writing us into existence, and shoot him before he can finish this sent

Click here.

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