Applied Crit - SCP Foundation

You open the door to the dark, cold room. Dust fills your sight as you gaze at the small blinking terminal in front of you. It feels like eternity since this room was last used. Not surprising since this particular AI neutralised itself almost two years ago. It's not an understatement to call it one of the strongest analytic systems ever designed, able to see links and understand the effects of any anomaly we put through the system. But then it began to spew out file after file of things we hadn't even met yet. We thought it was broken, or lying to us, or just dumb. But not long after it shut down everyone found out what it was actually doing. As each anomaly it predicted came through one by one you began to try and figure out its true nature. Was it truly that far ahead of us? How far did its web of knowledge spread? But most importantly: could they bring it back?

Your team thought about it again and again and it was hard to deny the value that such an AI could provide. It could figure out connections that you'd never put together in a thousand years. Especially with this new task they want to use it for. Higher ups realised they could use the processing power of this miracle to essentially find out whatever they wanted to about certain files. The only problem was turning the thing on. Not because it was neutralised — you managed to fix it and even add some upgrades a few days after it shut itself off — but because working with it felt like ripping teeth out of your cat's mouth to shove into your eyes. You take a deep breath, coffee in hand, as you flip the switch. The screen lights up the room.

Welcome to SCiPnet, Dr. Murali. Please input a command.

>scp-6399 - document

Remember that this command exists purely for the documentation of information not yet present within the SCiPnet database. With that in mind, what information would you like to enter?

SCP-6345 is the reanimated skeletal body of former professional wrestler Ernesto Marquin. Possessing enhanced strength and durability, they continue to present themselves as a lucha libre wrestler.

Warning. A file already exists in this slot. Special Containment Procedures have been implemented previously. Do you wish to continue?

>Y

Remember that this command exists purely for the documentation of information not yet present within the SCiPnet database. To prevent misuse, some content may be blocked.

Initiate override. Passcode: EmeraldHomunculi

Override accepted. Information pending.

Information sent. Porting over SCP-6399 response, please wait…

CAUTION, CELESTIAL ENTITY DETECTED. ALL COGNITOHAZARDS REMOVED. DO YOU WISH TO PROCEED?

>Y

Item №: 6345

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: scp-6345 is to be contained in a 2x2m telekill alloy box. guards aer to be placed outside at all times

Description: scp-6345 (Huesos Malos ("Bad Bones")) is a mexican fighter who is made of bones. scp 6345 is able to lift a tank with its hands and therefore has to be contained using tele kill at all costs. while scp-6345 is very eager to interact with guards he should not because he has a history of alcoholism.

6345 was discovered in mexico after fighting in a ring and fleeing into a liquor store, where it passed out.

SCP-6345 used to be Ernesto Marquin before he died. after his death, he was resurrected by a celestial █████ being, who retrieved him from ████. bcs of this, Bad Bones is a very capable fighter and an alcoholic who steals money for their daughter who is at a baording school.

MORE INPUTTED INFORMATION IS REQUIRED FOR FURTHER DOCUMENTATION. DO YOU HAVE ANY FURTHER INFORMATION TO INPUT?

>N

UNDERSTOOD. BOOTING DOWN…

You look at the blank screen in disbelief. Was this for real? It almost felt worse than before. But at the very least it seems like you learnt something new about 6345. Even if you can't confirm the full truth, 6399 has proven time and time again how reliable it can be. As much as you wish you didn't have to, you booted up the screen and entered another file. You pour another coffee as you wonder how far you are willing to go for this organisation.

Welcome to SCiPnet, Dr. Murali. Please input a command.

>scp-6399 - document

This command exists for the documentation of information not within the SCiPnet database. What information would you like to enter?

SCP-INTEGER is a HAZARD COMPLEX capable of abstracting information about itself.

Blinking, you look at the blue text in front of you. That wasn't supposed to happen. It might not be the best, but you charge on ahead anyway.

Warning. A file already exists in this slot. Special Containment Procedures have been implemented previously. Do you wish to continue?

>Y

Information sent. Porting over SCP-6399 response, please wait…

CAUTION, ACCESS FORBIDDEN DETECTED. ALL HAZARD COMPLEXES REMOVED. DO YOU WISH TO PROCEED?

>Y

Item №: INTEGER

Object Class: CHALLENGE

SECURITY MEASURES: scp-INTEGER is not to be described.

EXPLANATION: scp-INTEGER (INTEGER) is a HAZARD that stops you from saying scp-INTEGER, scp-INTEGER and scp-INTEGER. but this is normal since its is aready called scp-INTEGER. naturally, this is a problem or else it could be spread from word to word.

INTEGER works when audibly words came out and describe [ERASED], resulting in famous researchers such as [Placeholder McDoctorate]. while this was always his name it may have not been the case thanks to the THING.

SCP INTEGER was caused by IRRELEVANT.

SCP INTEGER was cused by IRRELEVANT.

SCP INTEGER w cused by IRRELEVANT.

SCP INTEGER w usd IRRELEVANT.

SCP INTEGER is IRRELEVANT.

I̴̩̤͖̫̓̐̓Ṙ̸̰̬͎̍̚R̷͎͎͎̐̑͜E̶̘̲͑L̵͓̘͍̓͋͛͆Ḙ̴̄̑́V̸̢̛͔̝̭̑́̕Ä̷̬́̋̀N̴͕͚̦̒͝ͅT̸̪̾̐̑͝.

MORE INPUTTED INFORMATION IS REQUIRED FOR FURTHER DOCUMENTATION. DO YOU HAVE ANY FURTHER INFORMATION TO INPUT?

>N

UNDERSTOOD. BOOTING DOWN…

You shut the computer off once more, this time giving it a complete reset. You open the blank screen to see it as good as new. Which was to say still crap but by design. Looking at the mountain of files that were sent your way though, you can't help but grimace. One by one you put in each description and prepare yourself for what's ahead of you. You look at the wave of half-baked test logs, overpowered loners and random Groups of Interest with little to no explanation behind their inclusions. With each file you feel your eyes droop further and further. You can't tell if it's the exhaustion or the AI but you feel like throwing in the towel right here and now. You down your fifth coffee of the night as you realise that you've finally made it to the last file. You breathe a sigh of relief as you quickly enter it in to get this all over and done with.

Welcome to SCiPnet, Dr. Murali. Please input a command.

>scp-6399 new - document

This command exists for the documentation of information not within the SCiPnet database. What information would you like to enter?

SCP-529 is a common house cat which is missing its lower half.

Information sent. Porting over SCP-6399 response, please wait…

INFORMATION SENT. WOULD YOU LIKE TO VIEW FILE?

>Y

Item №: 529

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: unecessary

Description: scp 529 ("Josie the Half-Cat") is a very very cute cat called josie that is missing both of it's back legs thou its able to still walk fine. josie does not like people messing about with it's back and can get very annoyed.

scp-529 is abel to walk about the site as it likes, scientists are encouraged to pet it

Addendumb: i'm glad there isn't a tail tacked onto this :)

You slam your head into the keyboard. Maybe this could stay in storage for a few more years.