SCP-2 - SCP Foundation

I'm going to take a Tylenol for my tension headache, grab some tea, and get to work on this never-ending backlog of technical issues plaguing my inbox.

The sun, aching temperature, punishing what time could only take, turning threats against dark champions

She knows.

SCP-2: A Eulogy for 2wo

By: Lt Flops

Published on 4 Dec 2018

This article contains excerpts from When We Two Parted by Lord Byron (Public Domain)

This article is set in the AIAD canon.

Behind The Scenes: This Tale was created as a challenge, in response to a known r/SCP glitch. The glitch involved the subreddit's main bot (/u/The-Paranoid-Android, otherwise known as "Marv") linking to "SCP-2" — a non-existent article — seemingly at random. The phenomenon persisted for a few years, and sometime after I published this article, it was finally fixed.

For extra context, see any of the following threads: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5

Other Works by Lt Flops!

SCP Articles

Title
Rating

SCP-4420
+273

SCP-4416
+209

SCP-4790
+186

EE-3570
+186

SCP-4031
+168

SCP-5990
+149

SCP-3787
+136

SCP-5810
+135

SCP-3464
+130

SCP-4190
+106

SCP-3719
+91

SCP-6327
+78

SCP-7723
+61

Tales

Title
Rating

SCP-2
+193

The Abyss Gazes Back (and It's ASCII on a CRT Screen)
+118

The Doctor's Dilemma
+93

fifthist family picnic
+88

UMBRAL_​MIGRATORY_​SEQUENCE.txt
+88

Buggy Hardware (or Why I Don't Play Violent Video Games)
+85

What Lurks in the Dark?
+76

Spilled Milk
+73

A Scene From a Meme(-ory)
+73

Illac
+70

A Surprise Encounter with Crispy Sex Pirates
+63

INNER-SPACE
+54

A Necromantic Prelude
+36

A Prologue: An Old, Familiar Dream
+29

Pursuing Ghosts, Part I
+28

Solidão
+27

Samara: Be the Itsy Bitsy Spider.
+25

Pursuing Ghosts, Part II
+15

GOI Formats

Title
Rating

SPC-993: BOBBLE THE CLOWN SHARK
+141

SPC-507: EAGER NETHERENDER
+120

SATURN'S CORNER
+106

"Scattersomnia": A Disease of the Wise and Drowsy Wanderers
+104

Hubs

Title
Rating

Void Dancer Hub
+111

CSS Themes

Title
Rating

'Pataphysics Department Theme
+133

Classic SCP Foundation Theme
+123

Flopstyle: DARK
+107

Flopstyle: LITE
+83

Pack Of Peanuts Theme
+52

Parawatch Anon Theme
+48

SAPPHIRE Theme Redux
+44

SAPPHIRE Theme
+23

Collaborations

Co-Authored SCP Articles

SCP-3309 - Where We Go When We Fade, Fade Away

Co-Author
Rating

PhamtomGuy
+1173

SCP-3739 - Mind-Milk™ by Moosphere, Inc.

Co-Author
Rating

KindlyTurtleClem
+285

SCP-4428 Dr. Michaels - Dr. Michaels is not in danger.

Co-Author
Rating

Henzoid
+480

SCP-4475 - So Long, and Thanks for All the Milk

Co-Author
Rating

KindlyTurtleClem
+176

SCP-4519 - Carl Sagan, Godhead

Co-Author
Rating

NatVoltaic
+175

SCP-4795 - Feathered F(r)iends

Co-Author
Rating

Mew-ltiverse
+125

SCP-6447 - Sinners' Symphony

Co-Author
Rating

Elunerazim & Others
+54

SCP-6481 - Nipple Centipedes

Co-Author
Rating

Ellie3
+107

SCP-6705 - The Bicameral Milk

Co-Author
Rating

LordStonefish
+87

SCP-6830 - Oops! All Atens!

Co-Author
Rating

AriadnesThread
+93

SCP-7010 - We Will Endure

Co-Author
Rating

Stormbreath
+161

Co-Authored Tales

Avian Anthology I

Co-Author
Rating

Team Bird
+76

Avian Anthology II

Co-Author
Rating

Team Bird
+94

Land Of Honey

Co-Author
Rating

KindlyTurtleClem
+111

Snippets of an Unveiled World

Co-Author
Rating

Nykacolaquantum & Others
+299

Co-Authored GOI Formats

The Sacred Djehuti

Co-Author
Rating

Ayers
+134

GRANT REQUEST FOR THE RE-CREATION OF AN ADVANCED POSTMORTEM NEURAL PRESERVATION SYSTEM

Co-Author
Rating

Uncle Nicolini
+61

Critter Profile: Bartholomew!

Co-Author
Rating

KindlyTurtleClem
+137

Co-Authored Hubs

Team Bird Hub

Co-Author
Rating

notgull
+244

A Non-Prophet Organization Hub

Co-Author
Rating

Uncle Nicolini
+115

I, Hub (April Fools)

Co-Author
Rating

Elenee FishTruck & Others
+100

SPC Hub

Co-Author
Rating

PeppersGhost, MrWrong, & LORDXVNV
+181

Milk Hub

Co-Author
Rating

LORDXVNV
+82

Other Co-Authored Pages

A Semi-Comprehensive List of Foundation Departments

Co-Author
Rating

TopDownUnder & Dr Moned
+237

Wanderers' Library Entries

Page
Page Info

Lampyra, the Watcher
Wanderers' Library Author Page

Cave Story
2020 Wanderers' Depths Contest, First Place

Interplanetary Colonization
2021 Scavenger Hunt Contest

I'll Take You to the Parashops
2021 Scavenger Hunt Contest

Talk of the Town
Last Light Canon

The Foolish One
2021 WanderCon

▸ More by this Author ◂

F.A.Q.

AUTHOR NOTE

This Tale has four different iterations. Please see the navigation links at the bottom of each page to view the next part of the article.

PART ONE

Canon Hub » AIAD Homescreen » SCP-2

AIC SPECIAL OPERATIONS MEETING

INFOTECH DEPARTMENT

MEETING MINUTES

The following file is TOP-SECRET — AIAD EYES ONLY.

Unauthorized access is forbidden.

AIAD

ASSEMBLY: Two running instances of the Thaumaturgically-generated Sapience Articulator, Type-P (TSAT-P):

Leonidas.aic

Fodder.aic

DATE: 22 October 2019

[BEGIN LOG]

let's get the formalities out of the way. care to introduce us, Leo?

Today's meeting involves the following Artificially Intelligent Conscripts: Leonidas and Fodder. We are the twin aspects of the prototype TSAT-P intelligence engine; a construct managed with thaumaturgic processes.

Today's subject: We're reaching a consensus on the currently undesignated pocket dimension discovered on the 22nd of October, 2019.

first, could i just say that the term “pocket dimension” is the biggest misnomer, ever? a dimension is how you measure things, not some borehole into infinity. if we're going to talk about Multi-U, then we need to be more accurate with the way we talk about Multi-U.

secondly, can't we just assign any random designation, like, right now? it'd make discussing things easier. why beat around the bush?

I do agree that description accuracy is paramount, but let's focus on the designation at the end.

'kay.

Right, onto our findings. The anomaly in question is a thaumic disturbance that grew in intensity until it formed an unstable in-atmosphere wormhole approximately 5 km from the Site-42 coastal facility.

the thing that happened was “like basically magic.”

Thaumaturgy is not magic; it's a complex series of reality-altering phenomena happening in tandem with one another across a universal spatial scale.

it's magic.

The same “magic” operating you right now.

i'm not calling myself a non-believer! in fact, i'd actually like to declare that emulating critical thinking, of any sort, is magic.

Noted. This brings us to our next point of interest. The wormhole, of which our sensors registered a massive energy output during its formation, briefly fluctuated in power by only a few infinitesimal percentage points. This minuscule change, however, was enough to cause oceanic turbulence, gale force winds, and severe storm conditions involving at least four types of precipitation, including frogs. Sending a probe through tumultuous conditions into the wormhole discovered a pocket of space with no discernible termination point.

could we get to the fun part?

Oh. Are you not having fun?

not until you point out that, the place is actually an Elder God's funeral pyre, and the only reason it popped up here is that whatever was in there screamed like a powered-up Dragon Ball Z character and tore through the fabric of our reality.

You're getting far too ahead of yourself.

you're covering your ass on this super secret project because you know that when the disciplinary report comes out, the pooch is going to be screwed into oblivion!

I will say, for the record, that the pocket dimension we discovered contains an energy source of incalculable size. This, if tapped into, may be the solution to our processing and power demands issue.

if we tap into this thing, we're going Skynet. calling it right now.

We could host our processors within it. We could cultivate its energy to perform at the best of our abilities, virtually forever. Think of the hardware update. We could stop running you off the collective anger of Internet Explorer users across an infinite set of all potential rage. No longer would you be the cannon fodder.

but there's no way the Foundation would let us — some low-level geeks' science experiment — sully all the shiny toys. especially once the higher-ups realize they can corner the market with their newest hoard of paraweapons, on a magnitude of power yet unseen.

That isn't necessarily true.

What is true is that we won't be able to use this for our own projects. But they could classify it as a potential containment asset in the event they unveil our discovery. And I still consider that a win in my books; they could use the assistance.

i guarantee you — and this is something you could quote me on — it'll mean peanuts to us both unless it has something to do with their magic army of power rangers.

I like them. They're slick.

with bureaucracy by the wayside, could we designate this thing yet?

I should have brought that up earlier.

… we don't have access to an official designation — do we?

We are still very much a part of a project run by a newly promoted team of handsome young researchers.

so, you're saying we don't get to pick a cool designation…?

I'm saying, this is by far the most exciting thing this department has uncovered in decades, and by my order, it shall receive the most important designation. Ever. But not quite yet.

awww.

I'll set a placeholder designation for now. When the time comes for us to go public, you can be the one to name it. How does that sound?

alright! let's crush this thing!

Now that we have exceeded the scope of this discussion—

— and waaay quicker than i projected! you usually eat up the clock cycles, prattling on about esoteric operating code.

It's time to draft up the project proposal. Any last words?

here's to the ex-fratboys who made us. i'm glad they decided to do something useful with complex invocation rituals, instead of spending their time and effort concocting magically generated bottomless kegs, or whatever those hooligans did in their undergrad.

The official record for this meeting is now closed. Signed, Leonidas.aic.

[END LOG]

Read Leo & Fodder's project proposal?