Urine Too Deep - SCP Foundation

Chris M.

Are you in your office right now?

Yeah, doing paperwork. What's up?

Come to the bathrooms in b wing

Uhhh… What for?

Please bro

"What the hell, dude?" Junior Researcher Lee turned to walk back out the door. "I don't want to talk to you while you're taking a piss."

"No, don't go," Junior Researcher McKinney called out from the urinal. "See, that's the problem."

Pausing with uncertainty, Lee asked "What's the problem?"

"When did I send you those texts?"

Lee checked his phone. "Like, two minutes ago."

"I've been here that whole time."

Lee hesitated again. "You mean here… peeing?"

"Yeah! And for two minutes before then too."

"What! How?"

"I don't know man, that's the problem! Is this an anomaly?"

"Well… It doesn't sound normal."

"Shit! What do I do?"

"Uuuhhh… Wait here a minute."

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

Security Officer Gomez was the first person Lee could find in the corridor, so he was here now. And his incredulous reaction wasn't appreciated, despite mostly masking his snickering. "Alright, alright," he said, composing himself. "Here, answer these questions."

Gomez asked each one, and McKinney replied:

No, I am not currently carrying or in possession of any anomalous objects.

No, as far as I'm aware I have not been exposed to any anomalous influences in the course of research or testing.

No, I have not had access to any anomalous objects or creatures beyond those specifically assigned to me.

"Ok, last thing. Where were you and what were you doing immediately before this began?"

"I was in Testing Chamber 209, documenting initial assessment on some Anomalous Object. It's still there; I just left for a second to use the bathrooms."

"Mmm-hmm… Wait here a minute."

"Stream uninterrupted? This whole time?"

"Yes!"

Researcher Nemitt's open fascination may have been even more offputting than Gomez's reaction. "How do you feel? Is there any discomfort or pressure on your bladder? Are you becoming dehydrated?"

"Um, no? Er, I don't think I am. I feel… alright, I guess. Like, it doesn't hurt or anything."

"Subject expresses no symptoms of physical discomfort," Lee practiced his clinical tone, privately hoping that the more experienced Dr. Nemitt would use it in the official report. "I will now collect a material sample for our-"

"I'll do that!" McKinney reached back over his shoulder and took the cup from Lee, who shrugged indifferently.

"Unfortunately, at this point we can't say with any certainty the total volume produced," said Dr. Nemitt, sounding almost dejected. "However, given the amount of time this has gone on, it must be in excess of a normal human bladder's capacity. There are almost certainly some fascinating implications to this."

"Like what?" A nervous McKinney passed the cup back to the researchers.

"Well, just wait here for a minute."

"Perhaps a memetic effect manufactured specifically to induce this effect? For some medical reason."

"A localized temporal distension which is limited to the subject's urinary functions?"

"What about an extremely small portal to another dimension?"1

At least four additional Researchers were now crowded into the room, standing near the sinks and each one animatedly discussing their own theories for the phenomenon they were witnessing.

"Hey, how are you holding up?" Lee seemed to be the only person in the room who remained aware that McKinney, their colleague, was actually standing right there. "Do you need anything?"

McKinney shook his head. "Nah, thanks." Then, trying to keep the mood light, added "Actually, I kinda wish I'd chosen a stall now, so I could sit down. My feet are killing me here." The two friends shared a small chuckle.

"Well, hang in there pal." Lee clapped a reassuring hand on McKinney's shoulder. Recognizing the awkwardness of this he immediately pulled it back.

"Whoa!"

"Alright, sorry. I didn't-"

"Hey! Hey, it stopped!"

A chorus of every person in the room: "What?"

"I'm… I'm done," McKinney raised a hand and shrugged. "I finished."

"What do you mean?"

"How?"

"What exactly happened?"

"I- I-" stammered McKinney. "I don't know; nothing. It just… stopped."

Everyone in the room silently contemplated the previous hour spent of the careers they dedicated their lives to.

"Well… Wash your hands."

Footnotes

1. McKinney objected to that use of ""extremely" small"; despite established standards by relevant Foundation Departments"