Rebranding - SCP Foundation

Mr. Carter and Mr. Marshall are sitting at a table. They are discussing something. The door swings open. Enter Mr. Dark.

MR. DARK. Gentlemen, I have an unpleasant piece of news to tell you! Our stock went seventeen points further down. We're losing customers at an astonishing pace.

MR. MARSHALL, MR. CARTER [together]. How come?!

MR. DARK. The competition is meddling in our affairs! The SCP Foundation is robbing our customers, the Church of Broken God and the Meat Circus are draining away people of influence, the Factory's market share is growing - plainly, we have no chance in the small business!

MR. CARTER. What do we do now? With things as they are now, we'll soon be eaten out of house and home and no amount of pull is going to help.

MR. DARK. Calm down, colleagues! I've thought it all over. If we can't sell expensive artifacts to the rich, we'll craft them production-scale and make them available to the public! We'll open a dozen offices in different countries - who knows, we may end up with a hundred or two of them.

MR. MARSHALL. Can we handle it as we are? It's a larger scale compared to what we have now…

MR. DARK. I told you - I've thought it all over and made some agreements. Allow me to introduce…

Enter four people.

FIRST [taking off his hat and revealing small horns on his head]. Mr. Natas, a lawyer.

SECOND [adjusting his tie]. Mr. Luke. I don't like being called by my full name, it brings too much unwanted attention.

THIRD. Mr. Dark Jr.

MR. DARK. Family business, so to say.

MR. MARSHALL [obviously annoyed]. Now who's that dude?

DUDE. Scruffy. I'm a janitor.

MR. DARK. He owns the control stake.

MR. CARTER. Things are really bad for us, aren't they.

MR. DARK [addressing the guests]. Meet Mr. Marshall and Mr. Carter, the owners of our little business. Fabulous people, you'll fall into step in no time.

МR. NATAS. The contracts are signed, we can start immediately. Although, being a co-owner of the company, I insist on a rebranding. We all deserve to be mentioned in the name.

MR. CARTER [making some calculations]. Too big. Even if we simply take the initials. Just listen to it: MCDNLDS!

MR. MARSHALL. I beg your pardon, but I insist that Mr. Scruffy's name is to be separated from the rest. Nothing personal, but a janitor director might scare the customers away.

MR. CARTER. We'll use an apostrophe. Do you mind, Mr. Scruffy?

SCRUFFY. Not at all.

MR. MARSHALL. Perfect. Still, the name is barely readable, let alone easy to memorize. Maybe if we add some vowels…