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NLP Research Group 9

'em. SPENCER'S HORSE his hooves race and rip up the grass. SPENCER riding for his life... DJANGO scope sight rifle up to his eye. Dr.SCHULTZ He's getting out of range. DJANGO I got 'em. INSERT: A black finger squeezes the rifle trigger. SPENCER BENNETT we're behind him as he rides away, OFF SCREEN we hear the whistling of what sounds like an incoming missle. SPENCER BENNETT we're in.front of Spencer Bennett as he rides, when Django's bullet, RIPS THROUGH his CHEST. DJANGO DJANGO I got 'em. SPENCER BENNETT falls from his horse, dead. DJANGO scope sight rifle in his hand, big smile on his face, looks.to Dr.Schultz. Dr.SCHULTZ Like that, huh? Referring to the scope sight rifle; DJANGO I like. Dr.SCHULTZ Well, I think while they take this opportunity to lick their wounds, we should take this opportunity to get the fuck out of Tennessee. They hop out of the tree. MONTAGE Dr.Schultz in a big city, buying Django a new saddle. Django gets his first initial "D" etched into it. The men go to different stores to purchase Django's wardrobe. The outfit bought, is selected by Django, with suggestions offered by Schultz. When he's done, Django looks damn handsome in his new duds. Brown cowboy boots, Green Corduroy Jacket, Smokey Grey Shirt, Tan Skin Tight Pants, and Light Brown Cowboy Hat. He looks a. bit like Elvis in "Flaming Star" and a Little Joe Cartwright on "Bonanza". However, tellingly, he keeps Ace Speck's Winter Coat as his winter coat. EXT - COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY Django, sitting on his new saddle, in his new duds, rides alongside the good doctor Schultz. The German carries a PICNIC BASKET. Dr.SCHULTZ But I'm serious son, Greenville is just too dangerous for you to go fucking around there. You're a freed, slave, you should be in New York. You shouldn't be in Greenville, you shouldn't even be forty miles on any side of Greenville., You shouldn't be anywhere in Mississippi. DJANGO She's my wife, it's my job to look after her. If Greenville's where I gotta go to find out where she went, then I gotta go. Now you were sayin' where I gotta go first? Dr.SCHULTZ There'should be some sort of records office. You know when she was sold, you know where she came from, the Carrucan Plantation, and you know her name ... . what is her name? DJANGO Broomhilda. Schultz reacts. Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda? Django.nods his head yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Were her owners German? Now Django reacts, "How did he know that? DJANGO Yeah, how did you know? She wasn't born on The Carrucan Plantation. She was raised by a German mistress, The Von Shafts. She can speak a little German too. Dr.SCHULTZ Your wife? DJANGO Yeah, when she was little her mistress taught her so she'd have somebody to talk German with. Dr.SCHULTZ So let me get this straight, your slave wife speaks German, and her name is Broomhilda Von Shaft...? DJANGO Yep. Mouthful, huh? Dr.SCHULTZ To say the least. (stopping the horse) This looks like a very pretty place to have our picnic. What'd ya say, here? TIME CUT EXT - PICNIC IN COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY The two men sit on a blanket with a nice picnic spread spread out. Django eats a cucumber sandwich with the crust cut off, and drinks a cup of tea. DJANGO How did you know Broomhilda's first masters were German? Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda is a German name. If they named her, it stands to reason they'd be German. DJANGO Lotsa gals where you from named Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ No, not so much. Broomhilda is the name of a character in one of the most popular of all the German legends. DJANGO Really? There's a story 'bout Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes there is. DJANGO Do you know it? Dr.SCHULTZ Every German knows that story. Would you like me to tell you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Well Broomhilda was a princess. She was the daughter of Wotan, the god of all gods. Anyway, her father is really mad at her. DJANGO What she do.? Dr.SCHULTZ I don't exactly remember. I think she disobeys him in some way. So at first he's just going to obliterate her - DJANGO Obliterate... . what does that mean? Dr.SCHULTZ Like blow up. He pantomimes a explosion. DJANGO Phew, that's pretty mad. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes it is, and like most fathers, given a little time, he calms down a bit. He's still mad at her. He still wants to punish her. Just not ... . blow her up. So instead what he does, is he puts her high on top of a mountain. DJANGO Broomhilda's on a mountain? Dr.SCHULTZ It's a German legend, there's always going to be a mountain in there somewhere. So, he puts her on top of the mountain and he puts a fire breathing dragon there to guard the mountain. And. then he surrounds her in circle of hellfire. And there Broomhilda shall remain, unless a hero arises brave enough to save her. DJANGO Does a fella arise? From now on as Dr.Schultz talks, he's beginning to realize something he wasn't aware of when the conversation started. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes Django, as a matter he does. A fella named, Sigfried. DJANGO Does Sigfried save her? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes he does, and quite spectacularly, so. Now true, he is assisted in his triumph by a truly, truly, remarkable sword, still, having said that, Sigfried triumphs over all of his obstacles not just due to his sword, but due to his courage. He scales the mountain, because he's not afraid of it. He defeats the dragon, because he's not afraid.of him. Dr.SCHULTZ (CON'T) He walks through hellfire because Broomhilda's worth. it. After that last line of dialogue... .the two men just let a moment pass as they nibble on their sandwiches. DJANGO I know how he feels. Dr.SCHULTZ I think I'm just starting to realize that. He pours Django and himself some more tea out of a fancy tea pot, as he thinks about what he's going to say next. Dr.SCHULTZ Look Django, I don't doubt one day you will save your lady love. But I'm afraid I can't let you go to Greenville in a good conscious. Let me ask you a question, how do you like the bounty hunting business? DJANGO Kill white folks, and they pay ya? What's not to like? Dr.SCHULTZ I hafta admit, we make a good team. DJANGO But I'thought you were mad at me for killin' Big John and Rodger? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes, on that occasion, you were a tad overzealous. But normally, that's a good thing. How'd you like to partner up for the winter? DJANGO What'd ya mean partner up? Dr.SCHULTZ You be my deputy, for real this time. A lot of the big money is in outlaw gangs. Some of these fellas are worth fifteen hundred or three thousand a piece. With one man, anything over three men is a risk. But with a partner? Creating cross fire? It's fish in a. barrel. A lot of these gangs hold up in the'hills for the winter. DJANGO You makin' another agreement? W7 Dr.SCHULTZ Yes. You work with me through the winter, till the snow melts. I give you a third of my bounties. And while we're together, I'll teach you a few things you're going to need to know. DJANGO Can you teach me how to make Tony do that head bow thing that Fritz can do? Dr.SCHULTZ That among other things. We make some money this winter, when the snow melts, I'll take you to Greenville myself, and we'll find where they sent your wife. I'm pretty good at finding people. Is it a deal? No white man has ever done anything for Django, just to him. So understandably, he's a little suspicious. DJANGO Why you care what happens to me? Why you care if I find my wife? Dr.SCHULTZ Well frankly, I've never given anybody their freedom before. And now that I have, I feel vaguely responsible for you. You're just not ready to go off on your own, it's that simple. You're too green, you'll get hurt. Plus when a German meets a real life Sigfried,. it's kind of a big deal. As a German, I'm obliged to help you on your quest to rescue your beloved Broomhilda. Django accepts that response. What follows is a MONTAGE covering the five months that Django and Schultz partner up as bounty hunters. Schultz wears his normal ensemble. Django wears his cool looking Green Jacket, unless it's really cold, which a lot of this Montage is. Then he still wears Ace Specks raw hide winter coat over his cool clothes. WE SEE A SCENE to be improvised (more or less), where Dr.Schultz teaches Django how to draw and shoot the pistol in the holster at his hip. By the end of the scene, after trial and error, we see Django's going to be good at this. EXT - HILLSIDE - SUNNY DAY We see Django and Dr.Schultz walking up a hill. Tony and Fritz have been left tied up downhill. Django leads a extra body HORSE (named PONCHO) behind him. Dr.Schultz carries his scope sight rifle in 'a long case. They get to the top of the hill. It overlooks a small farmhouse. Y, 8 DOWN BELOW WE SEE A LITTLE MAN struggling behind a plow, and his FIFTEEN YEAR OLD SON helping him by leading the horse forward. On top of their perch on the hill top, Dr.Schultz says; Dr.SCHULTZ Keep down or he'll see you. DJANGO Who that farmer? Who cares? Dr.SCHULTZ Well since we came here to kill 'em, he just might. DJANGO What? The little man pushin' that plow? Dr.SCHULTZ That little man pushing that plow, is Smitty Bacall. DJANGO Smitty Bacall is a farmer? Dr.SCHULTZ No. Smitty Bacall is a stagecoach robber who's hiding out as a farmer, because there's a seven thousand dollar bounty on his head. He hands Django the scope rifle case. Dr.SCHULTZ And he's all yours my boy. DJANGO lays on his belly, with the Scope Sight up to his eye. SCOPE SIGHT POV: on the Farmer struggling behind his plow, working hard with his horse and his son. Django's finger on the trigger... .but he hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Oh what happened.to mister I wanna kill white folks for money? DJANGO His son's with him. Dr.SCHULTZ Good. He'll have a loved one with him. Maybe even share a last word. That's better then most get, and a damn. sight better then he deserves. 1 9 Django still hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Put down the rifle. Don't worry, I'm not mad at you. Take out Smitty Bacall's handbill. Django removes the folded up handbill from the pocket of his tan pants. Dr.SCHULTZ Read it aloud. Consider it today's lesson. DJANGO (READING) "Wanted, dead or alive. Smitty Bacall and The Smitty Bacall Gang. For murder and stagecoach robbery. Seven thousand dollars for Smitty Bacall. One thousand and five hundred dollars for each of his gang members. Known members of The Smitty Bacall Gang are as follows, DANDY MICHAELS, GERALD NASH, and CRAZY CRAIG KOONS." Dr.SCHULTZ Well done. Bravo. THAT is who Smitty Bacall is. If Smitty Bacall wanted to start a farm at twenty-two, they would never of printed that. (REFERRING TO THE HANDBILL) But Smitty Bacall wanted to rob stagecoaches, and he didn't mind killing people to do it. You want to save your wife by doing what I do? This is what I do. I kill people, and sell their corpses for cash. His corpse is worth seven thousand dollars. Now quit your pussyfootin and shoot him. Django SHOOTS. The Little Man down below behind the plow falls down. The Young Boy doesn't know what happened at first. Then he figures'out his father was just shot. He goes to him in the dirt. Dr.SCHULTZ You need to keep that Smitty Bacall handbill. DJANGO Why? Dr.SCHULTZ It's good luck. You always keep the handbill of your first bounty. They begin walking down the hill, to collect Smitty Bacall's body, leading the extra body horse behind them. 50 As they walk down hill, they watch the little scene of Smitty Bacall's Son cradling his dying father.in his arms, the older man speaking his last words to his son before he dies. Dr.SCHULTZ See, they're having a tender little father son moment now. No doubt the most heartfelt one they've ever had. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - NIGHT It's now full on snowy winter in the hills. Django practices his quick draw against a SNOWMAN he's built. He sticks a BOTTLE in it, so the bottom of the bottle is where the snowman's heart would be. He DRAWS... Shoots the bottle heart! He DRAWS ... Shoots the left coal eye. He DRAWS ... Shoots the right coal eye. He DRAWS... Shoots the carrot nose. Dr.Schultz comes up behind him. Dr.SCHULTZ I think it's safe to say you're faster then the snowman. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - DIFFERENT NIGHT A outlaw gang known as The WILSON - LOWE GANG (five guys) ride through a snowy forest at night. When all five men and their Horses, are SHOT FROM ABOVE. DJANGO AND SCHULTZ up in a tree, FIRING DOWN ON them. EXT - WINTER MOUNTAIN TOWN MAIN STREET - NIGHT The FLAKES continue to FALL HARD as Dr.Schultz and Django ride down the main street of town, pulling poor Poncho who's FULLY LOADED DOWN with five corpses. 571 The local SHERIFF, DON GUS, watches the two men ride up, he knows them. SHERIFF GUS Doctor and Django, how the hell are ya, and who the hell ya got there? Dr.SCHULTZ The Wilson - Lowe Gang. SHERIFF GUS Who the hell's The Wilson - Lowe Gang? Dr.Schultz removes a handbill from his inside jacket pocket, and hands it down to the friendly peace officer. Dr.SCHULTZ Bad Chuck Wilson, and meaner Bobby Lowe. And three of their acolytes. SHERIFF GUS Just leave 'em out here, they ain't going nowhere. And if'in they do, god must love 'em, so who are we to say. Come outta the snowy snow and git yourself some coffee. TNT - SHERIFF GUS'S OFFICE - NIGHT The snow encrusted bounty hunters come inside the lawmans office. They exchange pleasantries about the weather as the Sheriff pours them coffee. After the two frosty gentlemen have drunk some of the hot liquid, they get down to business. As Schultz and Gus discuss the bounties, Django reads the handbills aloud from off the wall. On the third one he reads, WARREN VANDERS, and a two thousand dollar bounty, "That one", Schultz says. Django RIPS IT off the wall. As the winter has progressed, we see they've become a genuine bounty hunting team. And Django, a genuine bounty hunter. EXT - PRETTY MEADOW - DAY The snow has melted, and it's SPRING. And inside of this meadow Django practices his fast draw against five men... .by Schultz throwing FIVE COINS in the air ... DJANGO DRAWS FAST shoots three coins, FIRES again hitting another, then falls to the ground to get the fifth. He looks up from the ground at Schultz. 5L As Schultz collects the coins off the ground, he says; Dr.SCHULTZ You're pretty confident aren't you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ You have reason to be. He holds out his fist, opens his hand, the coins lay in his palm. All the coins have bullet holes dead in their center. He drops them on top of Django. DJANGO Still think I'm too green for Greenville? Dr.Schultz removes a pipe, sticks it in his mouth and says; Dr.SCHULTZ Oh you're ready for Greenville. He lights a match, then lights the pipe, puffing as he says; Dr.SCHULTZ Greenville ready for you, that I'm not so sure. He blows out the match... WE GO TO BLACK What we also saw in the above montage is Django shake off a lifetime of slavery. Django, in his green jacket, in his cowboy hat, on top of his steed Tony, with his gun hanging from his hip, has become his own man. He's not a slave anymore. He's a bounty hunter. BLACK TITLE CARD ACROSS THE SCREEN ONE LETTER AT A TIME STYLE (ala "Rocky" and "FLASHDANCE") MISSISSIPPI CUT TO EXT - THE TOWN OF GREENVILLE MISSISSIPPI - DAY The whole Main Street of Greenville is thick with five inches of shit brown mud that all the horse hooves, and wagon wheels, and slave feet have to wade through to get from one end of the town to the other. 53 We see Django and Dr.Schultz enter the town, and slosh their horses in the mud,, down the main street of Greenville Mississippi. The buying and selling of slaves is what the whole town is built around. BLACK MEN, WOMEN, and CHILDREN in BONDAGE are everywhere you look. LINES OF CHAINED SLAVES being marched one way or the other, move through the muddy streets of Greenville. WHITE MEN on horses move them along. BUCKBOARDS filled with DOMESTIC SLAVES (HOUSE NIGGERS), and pretty PONYS, driven by WHITE MEN roll through the street. A YOUNG WHITE BOY (14 years old), a shepherd, leads a bunch of SLAVE CHILDREN through town. A SHEPHERD'S DOG, HELPS HIM OUT BY MOVING THE KIDS ALONG. Impromptu slave auctions take place on almost every block. A SUBTITLE APPEARS on the bottom of the screen: GREENVILLE CHICKASAW COUNTY, MISSISSIPPI Dr.Schultz takes in this African flesh market, where human beings sell other human beings, with disgust and a little bit of shock. Django is neither disgusted or. shocked, he knows first hand how Greenville operates. As he rides Tony through town in his snappy duds, he looks'at the BLACK MEN half dressed: in chains. He REMEMBERS HIMSELF with his six Other Companions from earlier, being walked through the mud of Main Street by The Speck Brothers. On that day he might as well of been a steer. Today, with a gun on his hip, money in his pocket, in his snappy outfit, astride his steed Tony, he feels so different from these wretched half naked bastards it gives him a bit of a chill. Django sees the towns railroad depot, and across from it a huge SLAVE PEN, like a STEER CORRAL. At the moment there's no train in the depot. WE FLASH ON The TRAIN, at a earlier time, pulling into the depot. INSIDE ONE OF THE BOXCARS amidst a boxcar full of shirtless BLACK MALES, Django watches the train pull into the station, from inside the wooden slates of the boxcar.: A hatch in the roof of the boxcar is NOISILY YANKED OPEN, and TWO WHITE SLAVE TRADERS (RUSS AND JUDD), peer down at their human cargo. JUDD Good god almighty these niggers stink! I F RUSS Niggers stink, where's the shock? (to the Slaves BELOW) Okay you bucks, listen up, and listen well, I'm only gonna say this once. There's a slave corral right across from this boxcar. We gittin ready to open these doors. When we do, y'all run as fast as you can, right into that pen. 'Anyone gittin off trail, gonna get hurt and hurt bad. Now you niggers better comprehend. And that goes for any African garboons amongst y'all can't understand english ... . your American buddies better shove your ass in the right direction, or your trip to this country is going to be short, and pointless. Train to pen as fast as you can! The boxcar door is slid open, and a HUNDRED AND FIFTY BLACK MALES run full out from the train to the steer corral. We spot Django during the running. Once inside the corral, the gate is closed. COWBOYS with rifles act as prison guards. INSIDE THE CORRAL through the wooden posts, in the distance, Django watches them open up the boxcar holding the females. They do their run to their pen out of view. Django catches a quick glimpse of Broomhild.a running with the other LADIES, then she's gone from view. BACK TO DJANGO (PRESENT) Django and Dr.Schultz on top of their horses, taking in the sight of Greenville. Dr.SCHULTZ It's a spectacle out of Dante. DJANGO You should see it from the other side. Dr.SCHULTZ Frankly, I don't know if I could endure this. DJANGO You'd be surprised what you can endure. (BEAT) Where to? 675 Dr.SCHULTZ Records office. CUT TO INT - RECORDS OFFICE - DAY Dr.Schultz and Django walk into a records office, lined with books. We watch through the store front window, the black man and white man enter, and Dr.Schultz present his business card to a Dickensian looking RECORDS OFFICE WORKER. As Schultz starts his spellbinding with words routine... . The CAMERA FADES TO BLACK. BLACK TITLE CARD: BROOMHILDA INT - SLAVE PEN - DAY The same shot we saw before of Django fighting his way to the bars of the slave pen, to get a better last look of Broomhilda. Broomhilda, as before is walked by in the distance. Then, as before Django loses sight of her. EXT - MAIN STREET - GREENVILLE - DAY We follow in front of Broomhilda being lead out of the slave pen by TWO WHITE MALE SLAVERS. Her bare feet slosh in the Main Street mud, and the leg irons scrap her ankles. Up until now everything you've ever seen of Broomhilda, has only been in Django's Spaghetti Western Flashbacks. In other words, from his perspective, and memory. This is the,only time the story will shift to Broomhilda's perspective. The strong but frightened girl is led out on to the hustle and bustle, and wagon wheels and horse hoofs of Main Street. Broomhilda is not taken into that three story auction arena that Django was sold in at the beginning. Instead She's just lifted up on a parked buckboard wagon. Her SELLER (CLYDE) starts his pitch on the TWELVE or so BUYERS that watch this puny make shift auction. BROOMHILDA looks down into the crowd of twelve ugly white men, and holds her breath which one will buy her. Among the ugly white men we see Mr.HARMONY (MIKE), not quite as ugly as the rest. An older well dressed, classy gentleman. Next to him is his twenty four year old overweight awkward son SCOTTY HARMONY. Scotty in the audience, and Broomhilda on the wagon, THEIR EYES MEET, he nudges his dad. The Seller makes her expose her breasts to the small crowd. Then her back, revealing her whip marks. Then pointing out the runaway "r" branded in her cheek. Some of the crowd, including Scotty, react with repulsion at the sight of the whip marks. The Seller assures the crowd, that niggers don't feel pain like white folks, and it only makes the women more gentle. SELLER - CLYDE Fellahs, you ain't felt gentle, till you felt nigger gal gentle. UGLY MAN makes a bid. BROOMHILDA yikes. UGLIER MAN higher bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. UGLIER BY FAR GUY makes leap frog big bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. BIG GREASY FAT GUY makes a bid. BIG FAT GREASY BEAVER PELT COVERED TRAPPER makes a bid. A GIGGLING LEERING GROUP OF BROTHERS make a bid. A SEVENTY FIVE YEAR OLD INDIAN ON A MULE makes a bid. Mr.Harmony makes a bid for his son Scotty. Broomhilda notices that. And makes more eye contact with Scotty. They look at each other as Mr.Harmony continues to bid. A LITERARY NARRATOR comes on the soundtrack. NARRATOR (VO) On that day, eight months ago, the auction was won by Mike Harmony, as a birthday present for his fat boy son Scotty. Mr.Harmony congratulates his son. From on top of the buckboard Broomhilda looks down at her new owners. Later they leave for the Harmony house. Scotty lifts Broomhilda up into the back of the buckboard. He hands her a little white bag. SCOTTY This is for you. She opens the bag,candies of many colors sit in it. SCOTTY They're jelly beans. Try one. She selects a yellow one and puts it in her mouth. SCOTTY Good huh? She nods her head, yes. We see him drive the buckboard out of Greenville with Broomhilda in the back eating her bag of jelly beans. $XT - COUNTRY ROAD - DAY The buckboard makes its way down a country road. Broomhilda in the back, and Scotty driving the wagon. Scotty bought her, but he's too scared to talk to her. Broomhilda's muddy bare feet dangle off the wagon. She's beginning to realize the young master is the shy type. BROOMHILDA Master Scotty... ? SCOTTY Yes Broomhilda? BROOMHILDA I'm lonely back here. Can I come on up with you on that seat so we can talk? SCOTTY Please, I'd love that. She climbs into the driver's seat. In more ways then one. '8 EXT - THE HARMONY HOUSE - DAY A nice two story southern house. Very nice, but hardly a plantation. The household's FOUR DOMESTIC SLAVES. Broomhilda will be the fifth. The buckboard pulls up to the front of the house. Scotty's mother, Mrs.HARMONY (MARY LOUISE), waits to meet her son, and his new bought nigger gal. The older lady looks the black girl up and down and says to her; Mrs.HARMONY What's your name, gal? BROOMHILDA Broomhilda. Mrs.HARMONY Follow me. into the kitchen, ('to her son) You stay out here. INT - KITCHEN - DAY Mrs.Harmony brings Broomhilda in her kitchen. The TWO DOMESTIC SLAVES that were in, there are chased out by the boss lady. Mrs.Harmony grabs Broomhilda by the wrist, and tells her; Mrs.HARMONY I want to have a word with you, wench. You met my boy Scotty. You can tell ain't no white girl gonna fool with him. And if they do fool with him, they fool with him for the wrong reason. Boy's twenty four, he still ain't a man yet. That's why you're here. Be nice to him. He's a very sweet boy. Play him right, he'll eat bird seed out of your palm. Play 'em wrong, you'll deal with me. BROOMHILDA I like Scotty. He's just shy is all. All he needs is a little confidence. Mrs.HARMONY And you'll give that to him? BROOMHILDA I'll do my best, mam. Scotty's a real sweet boy. Mrs.HARMONY He is, isn't he? BROOMHILDA Ah-huh. The mother lets go of the young lady's wrist. 19 NARRATOR (VO) Basically The Harmony's bought a slave bride for young master Scotty that day. And the two kids had a nice time playing house for awhile. We see Scotty and Broomhilda catching butterflies in butterfly nets in the daytime.. At night they catch LIGHTNING BUGS together. At night in Scotty's bed, while the young man lay fast asleep, Broomhilda looks at her jelly jar of GLOWING LIGHTNING BUGS. NARRATOR (VO) As Scotty's sort of defacto sweetheart, if no visitors were about, Broomhilda would even join the family at their dinner table. We see them at dinner eating fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. NARRATOR.(VO) And pretty soon she was adopted into a member of the family. Mrs.Harmony and Broomhilda sewing together. The Harmony family and Broomhilda playing croquet in the front yard. After dinner, Mrs.Harmony entertaining the family by playing the piano. Mr.Harmony reading the women and his son a story from a storybook. NARRATOR (VO) Scotty was never happier. Scotty and Broomhilda walking holding hands at Southern magic hour. Broomhilda having sex with Scotty, baby talking with him, talking him through it, making him feel loved and secure. NARRATOR (VO) After three months of this bliss, Scotty decided to take Broomhilda for a romantic weekend in Greenville. SCOTTY AND BROOMHILDA drive through the Main Street of Greenville, dressed to the nines, in a fancy carriage. Broomhilda dressed in a beautiful white lace dress, complete with white lace gloves, fancy ladies hat, and white parasol. Scotty, very proud of his pretty Pony, is dressed in a fashion best described as plantation pimp daddy. 6O NARRATOR (VO) White masters would take their pretty Ponys to Greenville for a treat or romantic excursion, for two reasons-One, seeing how bad the other slaves had it, always made the papered Ponys appreciate their privilege position, (just in case they'd forgot). BROOMHILDA holding her parasol, looking like a black Daisy Miller, watches the OTHER SLAVES march by in the mud. They watch her too. INT - HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT Broomhilda and Scotty, and their luggage, move into the fancy hotel lobby, and rent a room at the front desk. INSERT: HOTEL REGISTRY Scotty signs his name. The DESK CLERKS HAND checks the box on the registry book that indicates darkee female companion. INT -. GREENVILLE - NIGHT Greenville at night is a little different. At night, RICH WHITE MASTERS showing off their Ponys (like Scotty), rule the streets. NARRATOR (VO) And two, there was a sliver of society that ran through Greenville at night that catered to white masters who were infected with a condition that was normally referred to as, "Nigger love." At night the streets, the bars, bistros, and buggy rides were ruled by rich white masters showing off their pretty Pony's. EXT - CLEOPATRA CLUB - NIGHT An establishing shot.of the three story house that has been converted into private club called, The Cleopatra Club. NARRATOR (VO) But the crown jewel of all this interracial frivolity, was the members only, Cleopatra Club. INSERT: GOLD PLAQUE with the name, THE CLEOPATRA CLUB on it, next to it is a profile of Nefertiti. 6! INT - THE CLEOPATRA CLUB - RESTAURANT - NIGHT The interracial joint is jumping (as long as by interracial you mean white men and black women). Scotty and Broomhilda are enjoying a fancy dinner in the clubs dining room. We see across the dining room, the powerful white man, CALVIN CANDIE, sitting with some White Men and some Black Ponys, eyeing Broomhilda. SCOTTY I gotta tell you Broomhilda - I don't care if I go to. hell for this - I love you. And if loving you means I go to

wild

How many times the word 'wild' appears in the text?

'em. SPENCER'S HORSE his hooves race and rip up the grass. SPENCER riding for his life... DJANGO scope sight rifle up to his eye. Dr.SCHULTZ He's getting out of range. DJANGO I got 'em. INSERT: A black finger squeezes the rifle trigger. SPENCER BENNETT we're behind him as he rides away, OFF SCREEN we hear the whistling of what sounds like an incoming missle. SPENCER BENNETT we're in.front of Spencer Bennett as he rides, when Django's bullet, RIPS THROUGH his CHEST. DJANGO DJANGO I got 'em. SPENCER BENNETT falls from his horse, dead. DJANGO scope sight rifle in his hand, big smile on his face, looks.to Dr.Schultz. Dr.SCHULTZ Like that, huh? Referring to the scope sight rifle; DJANGO I like. Dr.SCHULTZ Well, I think while they take this opportunity to lick their wounds, we should take this opportunity to get the fuck out of Tennessee. They hop out of the tree. MONTAGE Dr.Schultz in a big city, buying Django a new saddle. Django gets his first initial "D" etched into it. The men go to different stores to purchase Django's wardrobe. The outfit bought, is selected by Django, with suggestions offered by Schultz. When he's done, Django looks damn handsome in his new duds. Brown cowboy boots, Green Corduroy Jacket, Smokey Grey Shirt, Tan Skin Tight Pants, and Light Brown Cowboy Hat. He looks a. bit like Elvis in "Flaming Star" and a Little Joe Cartwright on "Bonanza". However, tellingly, he keeps Ace Speck's Winter Coat as his winter coat. EXT - COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY Django, sitting on his new saddle, in his new duds, rides alongside the good doctor Schultz. The German carries a PICNIC BASKET. Dr.SCHULTZ But I'm serious son, Greenville is just too dangerous for you to go fucking around there. You're a freed, slave, you should be in New York. You shouldn't be in Greenville, you shouldn't even be forty miles on any side of Greenville., You shouldn't be anywhere in Mississippi. DJANGO She's my wife, it's my job to look after her. If Greenville's where I gotta go to find out where she went, then I gotta go. Now you were sayin' where I gotta go first? Dr.SCHULTZ There'should be some sort of records office. You know when she was sold, you know where she came from, the Carrucan Plantation, and you know her name ... . what is her name? DJANGO Broomhilda. Schultz reacts. Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda? Django.nods his head yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Were her owners German? Now Django reacts, "How did he know that? DJANGO Yeah, how did you know? She wasn't born on The Carrucan Plantation. She was raised by a German mistress, The Von Shafts. She can speak a little German too. Dr.SCHULTZ Your wife? DJANGO Yeah, when she was little her mistress taught her so she'd have somebody to talk German with. Dr.SCHULTZ So let me get this straight, your slave wife speaks German, and her name is Broomhilda Von Shaft...? DJANGO Yep. Mouthful, huh? Dr.SCHULTZ To say the least. (stopping the horse) This looks like a very pretty place to have our picnic. What'd ya say, here? TIME CUT EXT - PICNIC IN COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY The two men sit on a blanket with a nice picnic spread spread out. Django eats a cucumber sandwich with the crust cut off, and drinks a cup of tea. DJANGO How did you know Broomhilda's first masters were German? Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda is a German name. If they named her, it stands to reason they'd be German. DJANGO Lotsa gals where you from named Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ No, not so much. Broomhilda is the name of a character in one of the most popular of all the German legends. DJANGO Really? There's a story 'bout Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes there is. DJANGO Do you know it? Dr.SCHULTZ Every German knows that story. Would you like me to tell you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Well Broomhilda was a princess. She was the daughter of Wotan, the god of all gods. Anyway, her father is really mad at her. DJANGO What she do.? Dr.SCHULTZ I don't exactly remember. I think she disobeys him in some way. So at first he's just going to obliterate her - DJANGO Obliterate... . what does that mean? Dr.SCHULTZ Like blow up. He pantomimes a explosion. DJANGO Phew, that's pretty mad. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes it is, and like most fathers, given a little time, he calms down a bit. He's still mad at her. He still wants to punish her. Just not ... . blow her up. So instead what he does, is he puts her high on top of a mountain. DJANGO Broomhilda's on a mountain? Dr.SCHULTZ It's a German legend, there's always going to be a mountain in there somewhere. So, he puts her on top of the mountain and he puts a fire breathing dragon there to guard the mountain. And. then he surrounds her in circle of hellfire. And there Broomhilda shall remain, unless a hero arises brave enough to save her. DJANGO Does a fella arise? From now on as Dr.Schultz talks, he's beginning to realize something he wasn't aware of when the conversation started. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes Django, as a matter he does. A fella named, Sigfried. DJANGO Does Sigfried save her? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes he does, and quite spectacularly, so. Now true, he is assisted in his triumph by a truly, truly, remarkable sword, still, having said that, Sigfried triumphs over all of his obstacles not just due to his sword, but due to his courage. He scales the mountain, because he's not afraid of it. He defeats the dragon, because he's not afraid.of him. Dr.SCHULTZ (CON'T) He walks through hellfire because Broomhilda's worth. it. After that last line of dialogue... .the two men just let a moment pass as they nibble on their sandwiches. DJANGO I know how he feels. Dr.SCHULTZ I think I'm just starting to realize that. He pours Django and himself some more tea out of a fancy tea pot, as he thinks about what he's going to say next. Dr.SCHULTZ Look Django, I don't doubt one day you will save your lady love. But I'm afraid I can't let you go to Greenville in a good conscious. Let me ask you a question, how do you like the bounty hunting business? DJANGO Kill white folks, and they pay ya? What's not to like? Dr.SCHULTZ I hafta admit, we make a good team. DJANGO But I'thought you were mad at me for killin' Big John and Rodger? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes, on that occasion, you were a tad overzealous. But normally, that's a good thing. How'd you like to partner up for the winter? DJANGO What'd ya mean partner up? Dr.SCHULTZ You be my deputy, for real this time. A lot of the big money is in outlaw gangs. Some of these fellas are worth fifteen hundred or three thousand a piece. With one man, anything over three men is a risk. But with a partner? Creating cross fire? It's fish in a. barrel. A lot of these gangs hold up in the'hills for the winter. DJANGO You makin' another agreement? W7 Dr.SCHULTZ Yes. You work with me through the winter, till the snow melts. I give you a third of my bounties. And while we're together, I'll teach you a few things you're going to need to know. DJANGO Can you teach me how to make Tony do that head bow thing that Fritz can do? Dr.SCHULTZ That among other things. We make some money this winter, when the snow melts, I'll take you to Greenville myself, and we'll find where they sent your wife. I'm pretty good at finding people. Is it a deal? No white man has ever done anything for Django, just to him. So understandably, he's a little suspicious. DJANGO Why you care what happens to me? Why you care if I find my wife? Dr.SCHULTZ Well frankly, I've never given anybody their freedom before. And now that I have, I feel vaguely responsible for you. You're just not ready to go off on your own, it's that simple. You're too green, you'll get hurt. Plus when a German meets a real life Sigfried,. it's kind of a big deal. As a German, I'm obliged to help you on your quest to rescue your beloved Broomhilda. Django accepts that response. What follows is a MONTAGE covering the five months that Django and Schultz partner up as bounty hunters. Schultz wears his normal ensemble. Django wears his cool looking Green Jacket, unless it's really cold, which a lot of this Montage is. Then he still wears Ace Specks raw hide winter coat over his cool clothes. WE SEE A SCENE to be improvised (more or less), where Dr.Schultz teaches Django how to draw and shoot the pistol in the holster at his hip. By the end of the scene, after trial and error, we see Django's going to be good at this. EXT - HILLSIDE - SUNNY DAY We see Django and Dr.Schultz walking up a hill. Tony and Fritz have been left tied up downhill. Django leads a extra body HORSE (named PONCHO) behind him. Dr.Schultz carries his scope sight rifle in 'a long case. They get to the top of the hill. It overlooks a small farmhouse. Y, 8 DOWN BELOW WE SEE A LITTLE MAN struggling behind a plow, and his FIFTEEN YEAR OLD SON helping him by leading the horse forward. On top of their perch on the hill top, Dr.Schultz says; Dr.SCHULTZ Keep down or he'll see you. DJANGO Who that farmer? Who cares? Dr.SCHULTZ Well since we came here to kill 'em, he just might. DJANGO What? The little man pushin' that plow? Dr.SCHULTZ That little man pushing that plow, is Smitty Bacall. DJANGO Smitty Bacall is a farmer? Dr.SCHULTZ No. Smitty Bacall is a stagecoach robber who's hiding out as a farmer, because there's a seven thousand dollar bounty on his head. He hands Django the scope rifle case. Dr.SCHULTZ And he's all yours my boy. DJANGO lays on his belly, with the Scope Sight up to his eye. SCOPE SIGHT POV: on the Farmer struggling behind his plow, working hard with his horse and his son. Django's finger on the trigger... .but he hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Oh what happened.to mister I wanna kill white folks for money? DJANGO His son's with him. Dr.SCHULTZ Good. He'll have a loved one with him. Maybe even share a last word. That's better then most get, and a damn. sight better then he deserves. 1 9 Django still hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Put down the rifle. Don't worry, I'm not mad at you. Take out Smitty Bacall's handbill. Django removes the folded up handbill from the pocket of his tan pants. Dr.SCHULTZ Read it aloud. Consider it today's lesson. DJANGO (READING) "Wanted, dead or alive. Smitty Bacall and The Smitty Bacall Gang. For murder and stagecoach robbery. Seven thousand dollars for Smitty Bacall. One thousand and five hundred dollars for each of his gang members. Known members of The Smitty Bacall Gang are as follows, DANDY MICHAELS, GERALD NASH, and CRAZY CRAIG KOONS." Dr.SCHULTZ Well done. Bravo. THAT is who Smitty Bacall is. If Smitty Bacall wanted to start a farm at twenty-two, they would never of printed that. (REFERRING TO THE HANDBILL) But Smitty Bacall wanted to rob stagecoaches, and he didn't mind killing people to do it. You want to save your wife by doing what I do? This is what I do. I kill people, and sell their corpses for cash. His corpse is worth seven thousand dollars. Now quit your pussyfootin and shoot him. Django SHOOTS. The Little Man down below behind the plow falls down. The Young Boy doesn't know what happened at first. Then he figures'out his father was just shot. He goes to him in the dirt. Dr.SCHULTZ You need to keep that Smitty Bacall handbill. DJANGO Why? Dr.SCHULTZ It's good luck. You always keep the handbill of your first bounty. They begin walking down the hill, to collect Smitty Bacall's body, leading the extra body horse behind them. 50 As they walk down hill, they watch the little scene of Smitty Bacall's Son cradling his dying father.in his arms, the older man speaking his last words to his son before he dies. Dr.SCHULTZ See, they're having a tender little father son moment now. No doubt the most heartfelt one they've ever had. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - NIGHT It's now full on snowy winter in the hills. Django practices his quick draw against a SNOWMAN he's built. He sticks a BOTTLE in it, so the bottom of the bottle is where the snowman's heart would be. He DRAWS... Shoots the bottle heart! He DRAWS ... Shoots the left coal eye. He DRAWS ... Shoots the right coal eye. He DRAWS... Shoots the carrot nose. Dr.Schultz comes up behind him. Dr.SCHULTZ I think it's safe to say you're faster then the snowman. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - DIFFERENT NIGHT A outlaw gang known as The WILSON - LOWE GANG (five guys) ride through a snowy forest at night. When all five men and their Horses, are SHOT FROM ABOVE. DJANGO AND SCHULTZ up in a tree, FIRING DOWN ON them. EXT - WINTER MOUNTAIN TOWN MAIN STREET - NIGHT The FLAKES continue to FALL HARD as Dr.Schultz and Django ride down the main street of town, pulling poor Poncho who's FULLY LOADED DOWN with five corpses. 571 The local SHERIFF, DON GUS, watches the two men ride up, he knows them. SHERIFF GUS Doctor and Django, how the hell are ya, and who the hell ya got there? Dr.SCHULTZ The Wilson - Lowe Gang. SHERIFF GUS Who the hell's The Wilson - Lowe Gang? Dr.Schultz removes a handbill from his inside jacket pocket, and hands it down to the friendly peace officer. Dr.SCHULTZ Bad Chuck Wilson, and meaner Bobby Lowe. And three of their acolytes. SHERIFF GUS Just leave 'em out here, they ain't going nowhere. And if'in they do, god must love 'em, so who are we to say. Come outta the snowy snow and git yourself some coffee. TNT - SHERIFF GUS'S OFFICE - NIGHT The snow encrusted bounty hunters come inside the lawmans office. They exchange pleasantries about the weather as the Sheriff pours them coffee. After the two frosty gentlemen have drunk some of the hot liquid, they get down to business. As Schultz and Gus discuss the bounties, Django reads the handbills aloud from off the wall. On the third one he reads, WARREN VANDERS, and a two thousand dollar bounty, "That one", Schultz says. Django RIPS IT off the wall. As the winter has progressed, we see they've become a genuine bounty hunting team. And Django, a genuine bounty hunter. EXT - PRETTY MEADOW - DAY The snow has melted, and it's SPRING. And inside of this meadow Django practices his fast draw against five men... .by Schultz throwing FIVE COINS in the air ... DJANGO DRAWS FAST shoots three coins, FIRES again hitting another, then falls to the ground to get the fifth. He looks up from the ground at Schultz. 5L As Schultz collects the coins off the ground, he says; Dr.SCHULTZ You're pretty confident aren't you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ You have reason to be. He holds out his fist, opens his hand, the coins lay in his palm. All the coins have bullet holes dead in their center. He drops them on top of Django. DJANGO Still think I'm too green for Greenville? Dr.Schultz removes a pipe, sticks it in his mouth and says; Dr.SCHULTZ Oh you're ready for Greenville. He lights a match, then lights the pipe, puffing as he says; Dr.SCHULTZ Greenville ready for you, that I'm not so sure. He blows out the match... WE GO TO BLACK What we also saw in the above montage is Django shake off a lifetime of slavery. Django, in his green jacket, in his cowboy hat, on top of his steed Tony, with his gun hanging from his hip, has become his own man. He's not a slave anymore. He's a bounty hunter. BLACK TITLE CARD ACROSS THE SCREEN ONE LETTER AT A TIME STYLE (ala "Rocky" and "FLASHDANCE") MISSISSIPPI CUT TO EXT - THE TOWN OF GREENVILLE MISSISSIPPI - DAY The whole Main Street of Greenville is thick with five inches of shit brown mud that all the horse hooves, and wagon wheels, and slave feet have to wade through to get from one end of the town to the other. 53 We see Django and Dr.Schultz enter the town, and slosh their horses in the mud,, down the main street of Greenville Mississippi. The buying and selling of slaves is what the whole town is built around. BLACK MEN, WOMEN, and CHILDREN in BONDAGE are everywhere you look. LINES OF CHAINED SLAVES being marched one way or the other, move through the muddy streets of Greenville. WHITE MEN on horses move them along. BUCKBOARDS filled with DOMESTIC SLAVES (HOUSE NIGGERS), and pretty PONYS, driven by WHITE MEN roll through the street. A YOUNG WHITE BOY (14 years old), a shepherd, leads a bunch of SLAVE CHILDREN through town. A SHEPHERD'S DOG, HELPS HIM OUT BY MOVING THE KIDS ALONG. Impromptu slave auctions take place on almost every block. A SUBTITLE APPEARS on the bottom of the screen: GREENVILLE CHICKASAW COUNTY, MISSISSIPPI Dr.Schultz takes in this African flesh market, where human beings sell other human beings, with disgust and a little bit of shock. Django is neither disgusted or. shocked, he knows first hand how Greenville operates. As he rides Tony through town in his snappy duds, he looks'at the BLACK MEN half dressed: in chains. He REMEMBERS HIMSELF with his six Other Companions from earlier, being walked through the mud of Main Street by The Speck Brothers. On that day he might as well of been a steer. Today, with a gun on his hip, money in his pocket, in his snappy outfit, astride his steed Tony, he feels so different from these wretched half naked bastards it gives him a bit of a chill. Django sees the towns railroad depot, and across from it a huge SLAVE PEN, like a STEER CORRAL. At the moment there's no train in the depot. WE FLASH ON The TRAIN, at a earlier time, pulling into the depot. INSIDE ONE OF THE BOXCARS amidst a boxcar full of shirtless BLACK MALES, Django watches the train pull into the station, from inside the wooden slates of the boxcar.: A hatch in the roof of the boxcar is NOISILY YANKED OPEN, and TWO WHITE SLAVE TRADERS (RUSS AND JUDD), peer down at their human cargo. JUDD Good god almighty these niggers stink! I F RUSS Niggers stink, where's the shock? (to the Slaves BELOW) Okay you bucks, listen up, and listen well, I'm only gonna say this once. There's a slave corral right across from this boxcar. We gittin ready to open these doors. When we do, y'all run as fast as you can, right into that pen. 'Anyone gittin off trail, gonna get hurt and hurt bad. Now you niggers better comprehend. And that goes for any African garboons amongst y'all can't understand english ... . your American buddies better shove your ass in the right direction, or your trip to this country is going to be short, and pointless. Train to pen as fast as you can! The boxcar door is slid open, and a HUNDRED AND FIFTY BLACK MALES run full out from the train to the steer corral. We spot Django during the running. Once inside the corral, the gate is closed. COWBOYS with rifles act as prison guards. INSIDE THE CORRAL through the wooden posts, in the distance, Django watches them open up the boxcar holding the females. They do their run to their pen out of view. Django catches a quick glimpse of Broomhild.a running with the other LADIES, then she's gone from view. BACK TO DJANGO (PRESENT) Django and Dr.Schultz on top of their horses, taking in the sight of Greenville. Dr.SCHULTZ It's a spectacle out of Dante. DJANGO You should see it from the other side. Dr.SCHULTZ Frankly, I don't know if I could endure this. DJANGO You'd be surprised what you can endure. (BEAT) Where to? 675 Dr.SCHULTZ Records office. CUT TO INT - RECORDS OFFICE - DAY Dr.Schultz and Django walk into a records office, lined with books. We watch through the store front window, the black man and white man enter, and Dr.Schultz present his business card to a Dickensian looking RECORDS OFFICE WORKER. As Schultz starts his spellbinding with words routine... . The CAMERA FADES TO BLACK. BLACK TITLE CARD: BROOMHILDA INT - SLAVE PEN - DAY The same shot we saw before of Django fighting his way to the bars of the slave pen, to get a better last look of Broomhilda. Broomhilda, as before is walked by in the distance. Then, as before Django loses sight of her. EXT - MAIN STREET - GREENVILLE - DAY We follow in front of Broomhilda being lead out of the slave pen by TWO WHITE MALE SLAVERS. Her bare feet slosh in the Main Street mud, and the leg irons scrap her ankles. Up until now everything you've ever seen of Broomhilda, has only been in Django's Spaghetti Western Flashbacks. In other words, from his perspective, and memory. This is the,only time the story will shift to Broomhilda's perspective. The strong but frightened girl is led out on to the hustle and bustle, and wagon wheels and horse hoofs of Main Street. Broomhilda is not taken into that three story auction arena that Django was sold in at the beginning. Instead She's just lifted up on a parked buckboard wagon. Her SELLER (CLYDE) starts his pitch on the TWELVE or so BUYERS that watch this puny make shift auction. BROOMHILDA looks down into the crowd of twelve ugly white men, and holds her breath which one will buy her. Among the ugly white men we see Mr.HARMONY (MIKE), not quite as ugly as the rest. An older well dressed, classy gentleman. Next to him is his twenty four year old overweight awkward son SCOTTY HARMONY. Scotty in the audience, and Broomhilda on the wagon, THEIR EYES MEET, he nudges his dad. The Seller makes her expose her breasts to the small crowd. Then her back, revealing her whip marks. Then pointing out the runaway "r" branded in her cheek. Some of the crowd, including Scotty, react with repulsion at the sight of the whip marks. The Seller assures the crowd, that niggers don't feel pain like white folks, and it only makes the women more gentle. SELLER - CLYDE Fellahs, you ain't felt gentle, till you felt nigger gal gentle. UGLY MAN makes a bid. BROOMHILDA yikes. UGLIER MAN higher bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. UGLIER BY FAR GUY makes leap frog big bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. BIG GREASY FAT GUY makes a bid. BIG FAT GREASY BEAVER PELT COVERED TRAPPER makes a bid. A GIGGLING LEERING GROUP OF BROTHERS make a bid. A SEVENTY FIVE YEAR OLD INDIAN ON A MULE makes a bid. Mr.Harmony makes a bid for his son Scotty. Broomhilda notices that. And makes more eye contact with Scotty. They look at each other as Mr.Harmony continues to bid. A LITERARY NARRATOR comes on the soundtrack. NARRATOR (VO) On that day, eight months ago, the auction was won by Mike Harmony, as a birthday present for his fat boy son Scotty. Mr.Harmony congratulates his son. From on top of the buckboard Broomhilda looks down at her new owners. Later they leave for the Harmony house. Scotty lifts Broomhilda up into the back of the buckboard. He hands her a little white bag. SCOTTY This is for you. She opens the bag,candies of many colors sit in it. SCOTTY They're jelly beans. Try one. She selects a yellow one and puts it in her mouth. SCOTTY Good huh? She nods her head, yes. We see him drive the buckboard out of Greenville with Broomhilda in the back eating her bag of jelly beans. $XT - COUNTRY ROAD - DAY The buckboard makes its way down a country road. Broomhilda in the back, and Scotty driving the wagon. Scotty bought her, but he's too scared to talk to her. Broomhilda's muddy bare feet dangle off the wagon. She's beginning to realize the young master is the shy type. BROOMHILDA Master Scotty... ? SCOTTY Yes Broomhilda? BROOMHILDA I'm lonely back here. Can I come on up with you on that seat so we can talk? SCOTTY Please, I'd love that. She climbs into the driver's seat. In more ways then one. '8 EXT - THE HARMONY HOUSE - DAY A nice two story southern house. Very nice, but hardly a plantation. The household's FOUR DOMESTIC SLAVES. Broomhilda will be the fifth. The buckboard pulls up to the front of the house. Scotty's mother, Mrs.HARMONY (MARY LOUISE), waits to meet her son, and his new bought nigger gal. The older lady looks the black girl up and down and says to her; Mrs.HARMONY What's your name, gal? BROOMHILDA Broomhilda. Mrs.HARMONY Follow me. into the kitchen, ('to her son) You stay out here. INT - KITCHEN - DAY Mrs.Harmony brings Broomhilda in her kitchen. The TWO DOMESTIC SLAVES that were in, there are chased out by the boss lady. Mrs.Harmony grabs Broomhilda by the wrist, and tells her; Mrs.HARMONY I want to have a word with you, wench. You met my boy Scotty. You can tell ain't no white girl gonna fool with him. And if they do fool with him, they fool with him for the wrong reason. Boy's twenty four, he still ain't a man yet. That's why you're here. Be nice to him. He's a very sweet boy. Play him right, he'll eat bird seed out of your palm. Play 'em wrong, you'll deal with me. BROOMHILDA I like Scotty. He's just shy is all. All he needs is a little confidence. Mrs.HARMONY And you'll give that to him? BROOMHILDA I'll do my best, mam. Scotty's a real sweet boy. Mrs.HARMONY He is, isn't he? BROOMHILDA Ah-huh. The mother lets go of the young lady's wrist. 19 NARRATOR (VO) Basically The Harmony's bought a slave bride for young master Scotty that day. And the two kids had a nice time playing house for awhile. We see Scotty and Broomhilda catching butterflies in butterfly nets in the daytime.. At night they catch LIGHTNING BUGS together. At night in Scotty's bed, while the young man lay fast asleep, Broomhilda looks at her jelly jar of GLOWING LIGHTNING BUGS. NARRATOR (VO) As Scotty's sort of defacto sweetheart, if no visitors were about, Broomhilda would even join the family at their dinner table. We see them at dinner eating fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. NARRATOR.(VO) And pretty soon she was adopted into a member of the family. Mrs.Harmony and Broomhilda sewing together. The Harmony family and Broomhilda playing croquet in the front yard. After dinner, Mrs.Harmony entertaining the family by playing the piano. Mr.Harmony reading the women and his son a story from a storybook. NARRATOR (VO) Scotty was never happier. Scotty and Broomhilda walking holding hands at Southern magic hour. Broomhilda having sex with Scotty, baby talking with him, talking him through it, making him feel loved and secure. NARRATOR (VO) After three months of this bliss, Scotty decided to take Broomhilda for a romantic weekend in Greenville. SCOTTY AND BROOMHILDA drive through the Main Street of Greenville, dressed to the nines, in a fancy carriage. Broomhilda dressed in a beautiful white lace dress, complete with white lace gloves, fancy ladies hat, and white parasol. Scotty, very proud of his pretty Pony, is dressed in a fashion best described as plantation pimp daddy. 6O NARRATOR (VO) White masters would take their pretty Ponys to Greenville for a treat or romantic excursion, for two reasons-One, seeing how bad the other slaves had it, always made the papered Ponys appreciate their privilege position, (just in case they'd forgot). BROOMHILDA holding her parasol, looking like a black Daisy Miller, watches the OTHER SLAVES march by in the mud. They watch her too. INT - HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT Broomhilda and Scotty, and their luggage, move into the fancy hotel lobby, and rent a room at the front desk. INSERT: HOTEL REGISTRY Scotty signs his name. The DESK CLERKS HAND checks the box on the registry book that indicates darkee female companion. INT -. GREENVILLE - NIGHT Greenville at night is a little different. At night, RICH WHITE MASTERS showing off their Ponys (like Scotty), rule the streets. NARRATOR (VO) And two, there was a sliver of society that ran through Greenville at night that catered to white masters who were infected with a condition that was normally referred to as, "Nigger love." At night the streets, the bars, bistros, and buggy rides were ruled by rich white masters showing off their pretty Pony's. EXT - CLEOPATRA CLUB - NIGHT An establishing shot.of the three story house that has been converted into private club called, The Cleopatra Club. NARRATOR (VO) But the crown jewel of all this interracial frivolity, was the members only, Cleopatra Club. INSERT: GOLD PLAQUE with the name, THE CLEOPATRA CLUB on it, next to it is a profile of Nefertiti. 6! INT - THE CLEOPATRA CLUB - RESTAURANT - NIGHT The interracial joint is jumping (as long as by interracial you mean white men and black women). Scotty and Broomhilda are enjoying a fancy dinner in the clubs dining room. We see across the dining room, the powerful white man, CALVIN CANDIE, sitting with some White Men and some Black Ponys, eyeing Broomhilda. SCOTTY I gotta tell you Broomhilda - I don't care if I go to. hell for this - I love you. And if loving you means I go to

really

How many times the word 'really' appears in the text?

'em. SPENCER'S HORSE his hooves race and rip up the grass. SPENCER riding for his life... DJANGO scope sight rifle up to his eye. Dr.SCHULTZ He's getting out of range. DJANGO I got 'em. INSERT: A black finger squeezes the rifle trigger. SPENCER BENNETT we're behind him as he rides away, OFF SCREEN we hear the whistling of what sounds like an incoming missle. SPENCER BENNETT we're in.front of Spencer Bennett as he rides, when Django's bullet, RIPS THROUGH his CHEST. DJANGO DJANGO I got 'em. SPENCER BENNETT falls from his horse, dead. DJANGO scope sight rifle in his hand, big smile on his face, looks.to Dr.Schultz. Dr.SCHULTZ Like that, huh? Referring to the scope sight rifle; DJANGO I like. Dr.SCHULTZ Well, I think while they take this opportunity to lick their wounds, we should take this opportunity to get the fuck out of Tennessee. They hop out of the tree. MONTAGE Dr.Schultz in a big city, buying Django a new saddle. Django gets his first initial "D" etched into it. The men go to different stores to purchase Django's wardrobe. The outfit bought, is selected by Django, with suggestions offered by Schultz. When he's done, Django looks damn handsome in his new duds. Brown cowboy boots, Green Corduroy Jacket, Smokey Grey Shirt, Tan Skin Tight Pants, and Light Brown Cowboy Hat. He looks a. bit like Elvis in "Flaming Star" and a Little Joe Cartwright on "Bonanza". However, tellingly, he keeps Ace Speck's Winter Coat as his winter coat. EXT - COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY Django, sitting on his new saddle, in his new duds, rides alongside the good doctor Schultz. The German carries a PICNIC BASKET. Dr.SCHULTZ But I'm serious son, Greenville is just too dangerous for you to go fucking around there. You're a freed, slave, you should be in New York. You shouldn't be in Greenville, you shouldn't even be forty miles on any side of Greenville., You shouldn't be anywhere in Mississippi. DJANGO She's my wife, it's my job to look after her. If Greenville's where I gotta go to find out where she went, then I gotta go. Now you were sayin' where I gotta go first? Dr.SCHULTZ There'should be some sort of records office. You know when she was sold, you know where she came from, the Carrucan Plantation, and you know her name ... . what is her name? DJANGO Broomhilda. Schultz reacts. Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda? Django.nods his head yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Were her owners German? Now Django reacts, "How did he know that? DJANGO Yeah, how did you know? She wasn't born on The Carrucan Plantation. She was raised by a German mistress, The Von Shafts. She can speak a little German too. Dr.SCHULTZ Your wife? DJANGO Yeah, when she was little her mistress taught her so she'd have somebody to talk German with. Dr.SCHULTZ So let me get this straight, your slave wife speaks German, and her name is Broomhilda Von Shaft...? DJANGO Yep. Mouthful, huh? Dr.SCHULTZ To say the least. (stopping the horse) This looks like a very pretty place to have our picnic. What'd ya say, here? TIME CUT EXT - PICNIC IN COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY The two men sit on a blanket with a nice picnic spread spread out. Django eats a cucumber sandwich with the crust cut off, and drinks a cup of tea. DJANGO How did you know Broomhilda's first masters were German? Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda is a German name. If they named her, it stands to reason they'd be German. DJANGO Lotsa gals where you from named Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ No, not so much. Broomhilda is the name of a character in one of the most popular of all the German legends. DJANGO Really? There's a story 'bout Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes there is. DJANGO Do you know it? Dr.SCHULTZ Every German knows that story. Would you like me to tell you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Well Broomhilda was a princess. She was the daughter of Wotan, the god of all gods. Anyway, her father is really mad at her. DJANGO What she do.? Dr.SCHULTZ I don't exactly remember. I think she disobeys him in some way. So at first he's just going to obliterate her - DJANGO Obliterate... . what does that mean? Dr.SCHULTZ Like blow up. He pantomimes a explosion. DJANGO Phew, that's pretty mad. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes it is, and like most fathers, given a little time, he calms down a bit. He's still mad at her. He still wants to punish her. Just not ... . blow her up. So instead what he does, is he puts her high on top of a mountain. DJANGO Broomhilda's on a mountain? Dr.SCHULTZ It's a German legend, there's always going to be a mountain in there somewhere. So, he puts her on top of the mountain and he puts a fire breathing dragon there to guard the mountain. And. then he surrounds her in circle of hellfire. And there Broomhilda shall remain, unless a hero arises brave enough to save her. DJANGO Does a fella arise? From now on as Dr.Schultz talks, he's beginning to realize something he wasn't aware of when the conversation started. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes Django, as a matter he does. A fella named, Sigfried. DJANGO Does Sigfried save her? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes he does, and quite spectacularly, so. Now true, he is assisted in his triumph by a truly, truly, remarkable sword, still, having said that, Sigfried triumphs over all of his obstacles not just due to his sword, but due to his courage. He scales the mountain, because he's not afraid of it. He defeats the dragon, because he's not afraid.of him. Dr.SCHULTZ (CON'T) He walks through hellfire because Broomhilda's worth. it. After that last line of dialogue... .the two men just let a moment pass as they nibble on their sandwiches. DJANGO I know how he feels. Dr.SCHULTZ I think I'm just starting to realize that. He pours Django and himself some more tea out of a fancy tea pot, as he thinks about what he's going to say next. Dr.SCHULTZ Look Django, I don't doubt one day you will save your lady love. But I'm afraid I can't let you go to Greenville in a good conscious. Let me ask you a question, how do you like the bounty hunting business? DJANGO Kill white folks, and they pay ya? What's not to like? Dr.SCHULTZ I hafta admit, we make a good team. DJANGO But I'thought you were mad at me for killin' Big John and Rodger? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes, on that occasion, you were a tad overzealous. But normally, that's a good thing. How'd you like to partner up for the winter? DJANGO What'd ya mean partner up? Dr.SCHULTZ You be my deputy, for real this time. A lot of the big money is in outlaw gangs. Some of these fellas are worth fifteen hundred or three thousand a piece. With one man, anything over three men is a risk. But with a partner? Creating cross fire? It's fish in a. barrel. A lot of these gangs hold up in the'hills for the winter. DJANGO You makin' another agreement? W7 Dr.SCHULTZ Yes. You work with me through the winter, till the snow melts. I give you a third of my bounties. And while we're together, I'll teach you a few things you're going to need to know. DJANGO Can you teach me how to make Tony do that head bow thing that Fritz can do? Dr.SCHULTZ That among other things. We make some money this winter, when the snow melts, I'll take you to Greenville myself, and we'll find where they sent your wife. I'm pretty good at finding people. Is it a deal? No white man has ever done anything for Django, just to him. So understandably, he's a little suspicious. DJANGO Why you care what happens to me? Why you care if I find my wife? Dr.SCHULTZ Well frankly, I've never given anybody their freedom before. And now that I have, I feel vaguely responsible for you. You're just not ready to go off on your own, it's that simple. You're too green, you'll get hurt. Plus when a German meets a real life Sigfried,. it's kind of a big deal. As a German, I'm obliged to help you on your quest to rescue your beloved Broomhilda. Django accepts that response. What follows is a MONTAGE covering the five months that Django and Schultz partner up as bounty hunters. Schultz wears his normal ensemble. Django wears his cool looking Green Jacket, unless it's really cold, which a lot of this Montage is. Then he still wears Ace Specks raw hide winter coat over his cool clothes. WE SEE A SCENE to be improvised (more or less), where Dr.Schultz teaches Django how to draw and shoot the pistol in the holster at his hip. By the end of the scene, after trial and error, we see Django's going to be good at this. EXT - HILLSIDE - SUNNY DAY We see Django and Dr.Schultz walking up a hill. Tony and Fritz have been left tied up downhill. Django leads a extra body HORSE (named PONCHO) behind him. Dr.Schultz carries his scope sight rifle in 'a long case. They get to the top of the hill. It overlooks a small farmhouse. Y, 8 DOWN BELOW WE SEE A LITTLE MAN struggling behind a plow, and his FIFTEEN YEAR OLD SON helping him by leading the horse forward. On top of their perch on the hill top, Dr.Schultz says; Dr.SCHULTZ Keep down or he'll see you. DJANGO Who that farmer? Who cares? Dr.SCHULTZ Well since we came here to kill 'em, he just might. DJANGO What? The little man pushin' that plow? Dr.SCHULTZ That little man pushing that plow, is Smitty Bacall. DJANGO Smitty Bacall is a farmer? Dr.SCHULTZ No. Smitty Bacall is a stagecoach robber who's hiding out as a farmer, because there's a seven thousand dollar bounty on his head. He hands Django the scope rifle case. Dr.SCHULTZ And he's all yours my boy. DJANGO lays on his belly, with the Scope Sight up to his eye. SCOPE SIGHT POV: on the Farmer struggling behind his plow, working hard with his horse and his son. Django's finger on the trigger... .but he hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Oh what happened.to mister I wanna kill white folks for money? DJANGO His son's with him. Dr.SCHULTZ Good. He'll have a loved one with him. Maybe even share a last word. That's better then most get, and a damn. sight better then he deserves. 1 9 Django still hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Put down the rifle. Don't worry, I'm not mad at you. Take out Smitty Bacall's handbill. Django removes the folded up handbill from the pocket of his tan pants. Dr.SCHULTZ Read it aloud. Consider it today's lesson. DJANGO (READING) "Wanted, dead or alive. Smitty Bacall and The Smitty Bacall Gang. For murder and stagecoach robbery. Seven thousand dollars for Smitty Bacall. One thousand and five hundred dollars for each of his gang members. Known members of The Smitty Bacall Gang are as follows, DANDY MICHAELS, GERALD NASH, and CRAZY CRAIG KOONS." Dr.SCHULTZ Well done. Bravo. THAT is who Smitty Bacall is. If Smitty Bacall wanted to start a farm at twenty-two, they would never of printed that. (REFERRING TO THE HANDBILL) But Smitty Bacall wanted to rob stagecoaches, and he didn't mind killing people to do it. You want to save your wife by doing what I do? This is what I do. I kill people, and sell their corpses for cash. His corpse is worth seven thousand dollars. Now quit your pussyfootin and shoot him. Django SHOOTS. The Little Man down below behind the plow falls down. The Young Boy doesn't know what happened at first. Then he figures'out his father was just shot. He goes to him in the dirt. Dr.SCHULTZ You need to keep that Smitty Bacall handbill. DJANGO Why? Dr.SCHULTZ It's good luck. You always keep the handbill of your first bounty. They begin walking down the hill, to collect Smitty Bacall's body, leading the extra body horse behind them. 50 As they walk down hill, they watch the little scene of Smitty Bacall's Son cradling his dying father.in his arms, the older man speaking his last words to his son before he dies. Dr.SCHULTZ See, they're having a tender little father son moment now. No doubt the most heartfelt one they've ever had. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - NIGHT It's now full on snowy winter in the hills. Django practices his quick draw against a SNOWMAN he's built. He sticks a BOTTLE in it, so the bottom of the bottle is where the snowman's heart would be. He DRAWS... Shoots the bottle heart! He DRAWS ... Shoots the left coal eye. He DRAWS ... Shoots the right coal eye. He DRAWS... Shoots the carrot nose. Dr.Schultz comes up behind him. Dr.SCHULTZ I think it's safe to say you're faster then the snowman. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - DIFFERENT NIGHT A outlaw gang known as The WILSON - LOWE GANG (five guys) ride through a snowy forest at night. When all five men and their Horses, are SHOT FROM ABOVE. DJANGO AND SCHULTZ up in a tree, FIRING DOWN ON them. EXT - WINTER MOUNTAIN TOWN MAIN STREET - NIGHT The FLAKES continue to FALL HARD as Dr.Schultz and Django ride down the main street of town, pulling poor Poncho who's FULLY LOADED DOWN with five corpses. 571 The local SHERIFF, DON GUS, watches the two men ride up, he knows them. SHERIFF GUS Doctor and Django, how the hell are ya, and who the hell ya got there? Dr.SCHULTZ The Wilson - Lowe Gang. SHERIFF GUS Who the hell's The Wilson - Lowe Gang? Dr.Schultz removes a handbill from his inside jacket pocket, and hands it down to the friendly peace officer. Dr.SCHULTZ Bad Chuck Wilson, and meaner Bobby Lowe. And three of their acolytes. SHERIFF GUS Just leave 'em out here, they ain't going nowhere. And if'in they do, god must love 'em, so who are we to say. Come outta the snowy snow and git yourself some coffee. TNT - SHERIFF GUS'S OFFICE - NIGHT The snow encrusted bounty hunters come inside the lawmans office. They exchange pleasantries about the weather as the Sheriff pours them coffee. After the two frosty gentlemen have drunk some of the hot liquid, they get down to business. As Schultz and Gus discuss the bounties, Django reads the handbills aloud from off the wall. On the third one he reads, WARREN VANDERS, and a two thousand dollar bounty, "That one", Schultz says. Django RIPS IT off the wall. As the winter has progressed, we see they've become a genuine bounty hunting team. And Django, a genuine bounty hunter. EXT - PRETTY MEADOW - DAY The snow has melted, and it's SPRING. And inside of this meadow Django practices his fast draw against five men... .by Schultz throwing FIVE COINS in the air ... DJANGO DRAWS FAST shoots three coins, FIRES again hitting another, then falls to the ground to get the fifth. He looks up from the ground at Schultz. 5L As Schultz collects the coins off the ground, he says; Dr.SCHULTZ You're pretty confident aren't you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ You have reason to be. He holds out his fist, opens his hand, the coins lay in his palm. All the coins have bullet holes dead in their center. He drops them on top of Django. DJANGO Still think I'm too green for Greenville? Dr.Schultz removes a pipe, sticks it in his mouth and says; Dr.SCHULTZ Oh you're ready for Greenville. He lights a match, then lights the pipe, puffing as he says; Dr.SCHULTZ Greenville ready for you, that I'm not so sure. He blows out the match... WE GO TO BLACK What we also saw in the above montage is Django shake off a lifetime of slavery. Django, in his green jacket, in his cowboy hat, on top of his steed Tony, with his gun hanging from his hip, has become his own man. He's not a slave anymore. He's a bounty hunter. BLACK TITLE CARD ACROSS THE SCREEN ONE LETTER AT A TIME STYLE (ala "Rocky" and "FLASHDANCE") MISSISSIPPI CUT TO EXT - THE TOWN OF GREENVILLE MISSISSIPPI - DAY The whole Main Street of Greenville is thick with five inches of shit brown mud that all the horse hooves, and wagon wheels, and slave feet have to wade through to get from one end of the town to the other. 53 We see Django and Dr.Schultz enter the town, and slosh their horses in the mud,, down the main street of Greenville Mississippi. The buying and selling of slaves is what the whole town is built around. BLACK MEN, WOMEN, and CHILDREN in BONDAGE are everywhere you look. LINES OF CHAINED SLAVES being marched one way or the other, move through the muddy streets of Greenville. WHITE MEN on horses move them along. BUCKBOARDS filled with DOMESTIC SLAVES (HOUSE NIGGERS), and pretty PONYS, driven by WHITE MEN roll through the street. A YOUNG WHITE BOY (14 years old), a shepherd, leads a bunch of SLAVE CHILDREN through town. A SHEPHERD'S DOG, HELPS HIM OUT BY MOVING THE KIDS ALONG. Impromptu slave auctions take place on almost every block. A SUBTITLE APPEARS on the bottom of the screen: GREENVILLE CHICKASAW COUNTY, MISSISSIPPI Dr.Schultz takes in this African flesh market, where human beings sell other human beings, with disgust and a little bit of shock. Django is neither disgusted or. shocked, he knows first hand how Greenville operates. As he rides Tony through town in his snappy duds, he looks'at the BLACK MEN half dressed: in chains. He REMEMBERS HIMSELF with his six Other Companions from earlier, being walked through the mud of Main Street by The Speck Brothers. On that day he might as well of been a steer. Today, with a gun on his hip, money in his pocket, in his snappy outfit, astride his steed Tony, he feels so different from these wretched half naked bastards it gives him a bit of a chill. Django sees the towns railroad depot, and across from it a huge SLAVE PEN, like a STEER CORRAL. At the moment there's no train in the depot. WE FLASH ON The TRAIN, at a earlier time, pulling into the depot. INSIDE ONE OF THE BOXCARS amidst a boxcar full of shirtless BLACK MALES, Django watches the train pull into the station, from inside the wooden slates of the boxcar.: A hatch in the roof of the boxcar is NOISILY YANKED OPEN, and TWO WHITE SLAVE TRADERS (RUSS AND JUDD), peer down at their human cargo. JUDD Good god almighty these niggers stink! I F RUSS Niggers stink, where's the shock? (to the Slaves BELOW) Okay you bucks, listen up, and listen well, I'm only gonna say this once. There's a slave corral right across from this boxcar. We gittin ready to open these doors. When we do, y'all run as fast as you can, right into that pen. 'Anyone gittin off trail, gonna get hurt and hurt bad. Now you niggers better comprehend. And that goes for any African garboons amongst y'all can't understand english ... . your American buddies better shove your ass in the right direction, or your trip to this country is going to be short, and pointless. Train to pen as fast as you can! The boxcar door is slid open, and a HUNDRED AND FIFTY BLACK MALES run full out from the train to the steer corral. We spot Django during the running. Once inside the corral, the gate is closed. COWBOYS with rifles act as prison guards. INSIDE THE CORRAL through the wooden posts, in the distance, Django watches them open up the boxcar holding the females. They do their run to their pen out of view. Django catches a quick glimpse of Broomhild.a running with the other LADIES, then she's gone from view. BACK TO DJANGO (PRESENT) Django and Dr.Schultz on top of their horses, taking in the sight of Greenville. Dr.SCHULTZ It's a spectacle out of Dante. DJANGO You should see it from the other side. Dr.SCHULTZ Frankly, I don't know if I could endure this. DJANGO You'd be surprised what you can endure. (BEAT) Where to? 675 Dr.SCHULTZ Records office. CUT TO INT - RECORDS OFFICE - DAY Dr.Schultz and Django walk into a records office, lined with books. We watch through the store front window, the black man and white man enter, and Dr.Schultz present his business card to a Dickensian looking RECORDS OFFICE WORKER. As Schultz starts his spellbinding with words routine... . The CAMERA FADES TO BLACK. BLACK TITLE CARD: BROOMHILDA INT - SLAVE PEN - DAY The same shot we saw before of Django fighting his way to the bars of the slave pen, to get a better last look of Broomhilda. Broomhilda, as before is walked by in the distance. Then, as before Django loses sight of her. EXT - MAIN STREET - GREENVILLE - DAY We follow in front of Broomhilda being lead out of the slave pen by TWO WHITE MALE SLAVERS. Her bare feet slosh in the Main Street mud, and the leg irons scrap her ankles. Up until now everything you've ever seen of Broomhilda, has only been in Django's Spaghetti Western Flashbacks. In other words, from his perspective, and memory. This is the,only time the story will shift to Broomhilda's perspective. The strong but frightened girl is led out on to the hustle and bustle, and wagon wheels and horse hoofs of Main Street. Broomhilda is not taken into that three story auction arena that Django was sold in at the beginning. Instead She's just lifted up on a parked buckboard wagon. Her SELLER (CLYDE) starts his pitch on the TWELVE or so BUYERS that watch this puny make shift auction. BROOMHILDA looks down into the crowd of twelve ugly white men, and holds her breath which one will buy her. Among the ugly white men we see Mr.HARMONY (MIKE), not quite as ugly as the rest. An older well dressed, classy gentleman. Next to him is his twenty four year old overweight awkward son SCOTTY HARMONY. Scotty in the audience, and Broomhilda on the wagon, THEIR EYES MEET, he nudges his dad. The Seller makes her expose her breasts to the small crowd. Then her back, revealing her whip marks. Then pointing out the runaway "r" branded in her cheek. Some of the crowd, including Scotty, react with repulsion at the sight of the whip marks. The Seller assures the crowd, that niggers don't feel pain like white folks, and it only makes the women more gentle. SELLER - CLYDE Fellahs, you ain't felt gentle, till you felt nigger gal gentle. UGLY MAN makes a bid. BROOMHILDA yikes. UGLIER MAN higher bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. UGLIER BY FAR GUY makes leap frog big bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. BIG GREASY FAT GUY makes a bid. BIG FAT GREASY BEAVER PELT COVERED TRAPPER makes a bid. A GIGGLING LEERING GROUP OF BROTHERS make a bid. A SEVENTY FIVE YEAR OLD INDIAN ON A MULE makes a bid. Mr.Harmony makes a bid for his son Scotty. Broomhilda notices that. And makes more eye contact with Scotty. They look at each other as Mr.Harmony continues to bid. A LITERARY NARRATOR comes on the soundtrack. NARRATOR (VO) On that day, eight months ago, the auction was won by Mike Harmony, as a birthday present for his fat boy son Scotty. Mr.Harmony congratulates his son. From on top of the buckboard Broomhilda looks down at her new owners. Later they leave for the Harmony house. Scotty lifts Broomhilda up into the back of the buckboard. He hands her a little white bag. SCOTTY This is for you. She opens the bag,candies of many colors sit in it. SCOTTY They're jelly beans. Try one. She selects a yellow one and puts it in her mouth. SCOTTY Good huh? She nods her head, yes. We see him drive the buckboard out of Greenville with Broomhilda in the back eating her bag of jelly beans. $XT - COUNTRY ROAD - DAY The buckboard makes its way down a country road. Broomhilda in the back, and Scotty driving the wagon. Scotty bought her, but he's too scared to talk to her. Broomhilda's muddy bare feet dangle off the wagon. She's beginning to realize the young master is the shy type. BROOMHILDA Master Scotty... ? SCOTTY Yes Broomhilda? BROOMHILDA I'm lonely back here. Can I come on up with you on that seat so we can talk? SCOTTY Please, I'd love that. She climbs into the driver's seat. In more ways then one. '8 EXT - THE HARMONY HOUSE - DAY A nice two story southern house. Very nice, but hardly a plantation. The household's FOUR DOMESTIC SLAVES. Broomhilda will be the fifth. The buckboard pulls up to the front of the house. Scotty's mother, Mrs.HARMONY (MARY LOUISE), waits to meet her son, and his new bought nigger gal. The older lady looks the black girl up and down and says to her; Mrs.HARMONY What's your name, gal? BROOMHILDA Broomhilda. Mrs.HARMONY Follow me. into the kitchen, ('to her son) You stay out here. INT - KITCHEN - DAY Mrs.Harmony brings Broomhilda in her kitchen. The TWO DOMESTIC SLAVES that were in, there are chased out by the boss lady. Mrs.Harmony grabs Broomhilda by the wrist, and tells her; Mrs.HARMONY I want to have a word with you, wench. You met my boy Scotty. You can tell ain't no white girl gonna fool with him. And if they do fool with him, they fool with him for the wrong reason. Boy's twenty four, he still ain't a man yet. That's why you're here. Be nice to him. He's a very sweet boy. Play him right, he'll eat bird seed out of your palm. Play 'em wrong, you'll deal with me. BROOMHILDA I like Scotty. He's just shy is all. All he needs is a little confidence. Mrs.HARMONY And you'll give that to him? BROOMHILDA I'll do my best, mam. Scotty's a real sweet boy. Mrs.HARMONY He is, isn't he? BROOMHILDA Ah-huh. The mother lets go of the young lady's wrist. 19 NARRATOR (VO) Basically The Harmony's bought a slave bride for young master Scotty that day. And the two kids had a nice time playing house for awhile. We see Scotty and Broomhilda catching butterflies in butterfly nets in the daytime.. At night they catch LIGHTNING BUGS together. At night in Scotty's bed, while the young man lay fast asleep, Broomhilda looks at her jelly jar of GLOWING LIGHTNING BUGS. NARRATOR (VO) As Scotty's sort of defacto sweetheart, if no visitors were about, Broomhilda would even join the family at their dinner table. We see them at dinner eating fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. NARRATOR.(VO) And pretty soon she was adopted into a member of the family. Mrs.Harmony and Broomhilda sewing together. The Harmony family and Broomhilda playing croquet in the front yard. After dinner, Mrs.Harmony entertaining the family by playing the piano. Mr.Harmony reading the women and his son a story from a storybook. NARRATOR (VO) Scotty was never happier. Scotty and Broomhilda walking holding hands at Southern magic hour. Broomhilda having sex with Scotty, baby talking with him, talking him through it, making him feel loved and secure. NARRATOR (VO) After three months of this bliss, Scotty decided to take Broomhilda for a romantic weekend in Greenville. SCOTTY AND BROOMHILDA drive through the Main Street of Greenville, dressed to the nines, in a fancy carriage. Broomhilda dressed in a beautiful white lace dress, complete with white lace gloves, fancy ladies hat, and white parasol. Scotty, very proud of his pretty Pony, is dressed in a fashion best described as plantation pimp daddy. 6O NARRATOR (VO) White masters would take their pretty Ponys to Greenville for a treat or romantic excursion, for two reasons-One, seeing how bad the other slaves had it, always made the papered Ponys appreciate their privilege position, (just in case they'd forgot). BROOMHILDA holding her parasol, looking like a black Daisy Miller, watches the OTHER SLAVES march by in the mud. They watch her too. INT - HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT Broomhilda and Scotty, and their luggage, move into the fancy hotel lobby, and rent a room at the front desk. INSERT: HOTEL REGISTRY Scotty signs his name. The DESK CLERKS HAND checks the box on the registry book that indicates darkee female companion. INT -. GREENVILLE - NIGHT Greenville at night is a little different. At night, RICH WHITE MASTERS showing off their Ponys (like Scotty), rule the streets. NARRATOR (VO) And two, there was a sliver of society that ran through Greenville at night that catered to white masters who were infected with a condition that was normally referred to as, "Nigger love." At night the streets, the bars, bistros, and buggy rides were ruled by rich white masters showing off their pretty Pony's. EXT - CLEOPATRA CLUB - NIGHT An establishing shot.of the three story house that has been converted into private club called, The Cleopatra Club. NARRATOR (VO) But the crown jewel of all this interracial frivolity, was the members only, Cleopatra Club. INSERT: GOLD PLAQUE with the name, THE CLEOPATRA CLUB on it, next to it is a profile of Nefertiti. 6! INT - THE CLEOPATRA CLUB - RESTAURANT - NIGHT The interracial joint is jumping (as long as by interracial you mean white men and black women). Scotty and Broomhilda are enjoying a fancy dinner in the clubs dining room. We see across the dining room, the powerful white man, CALVIN CANDIE, sitting with some White Men and some Black Ponys, eyeing Broomhilda. SCOTTY I gotta tell you Broomhilda - I don't care if I go to. hell for this - I love you. And if loving you means I go to

ace

How many times the word 'ace' appears in the text?

'em. SPENCER'S HORSE his hooves race and rip up the grass. SPENCER riding for his life... DJANGO scope sight rifle up to his eye. Dr.SCHULTZ He's getting out of range. DJANGO I got 'em. INSERT: A black finger squeezes the rifle trigger. SPENCER BENNETT we're behind him as he rides away, OFF SCREEN we hear the whistling of what sounds like an incoming missle. SPENCER BENNETT we're in.front of Spencer Bennett as he rides, when Django's bullet, RIPS THROUGH his CHEST. DJANGO DJANGO I got 'em. SPENCER BENNETT falls from his horse, dead. DJANGO scope sight rifle in his hand, big smile on his face, looks.to Dr.Schultz. Dr.SCHULTZ Like that, huh? Referring to the scope sight rifle; DJANGO I like. Dr.SCHULTZ Well, I think while they take this opportunity to lick their wounds, we should take this opportunity to get the fuck out of Tennessee. They hop out of the tree. MONTAGE Dr.Schultz in a big city, buying Django a new saddle. Django gets his first initial "D" etched into it. The men go to different stores to purchase Django's wardrobe. The outfit bought, is selected by Django, with suggestions offered by Schultz. When he's done, Django looks damn handsome in his new duds. Brown cowboy boots, Green Corduroy Jacket, Smokey Grey Shirt, Tan Skin Tight Pants, and Light Brown Cowboy Hat. He looks a. bit like Elvis in "Flaming Star" and a Little Joe Cartwright on "Bonanza". However, tellingly, he keeps Ace Speck's Winter Coat as his winter coat. EXT - COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY Django, sitting on his new saddle, in his new duds, rides alongside the good doctor Schultz. The German carries a PICNIC BASKET. Dr.SCHULTZ But I'm serious son, Greenville is just too dangerous for you to go fucking around there. You're a freed, slave, you should be in New York. You shouldn't be in Greenville, you shouldn't even be forty miles on any side of Greenville., You shouldn't be anywhere in Mississippi. DJANGO She's my wife, it's my job to look after her. If Greenville's where I gotta go to find out where she went, then I gotta go. Now you were sayin' where I gotta go first? Dr.SCHULTZ There'should be some sort of records office. You know when she was sold, you know where she came from, the Carrucan Plantation, and you know her name ... . what is her name? DJANGO Broomhilda. Schultz reacts. Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda? Django.nods his head yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Were her owners German? Now Django reacts, "How did he know that? DJANGO Yeah, how did you know? She wasn't born on The Carrucan Plantation. She was raised by a German mistress, The Von Shafts. She can speak a little German too. Dr.SCHULTZ Your wife? DJANGO Yeah, when she was little her mistress taught her so she'd have somebody to talk German with. Dr.SCHULTZ So let me get this straight, your slave wife speaks German, and her name is Broomhilda Von Shaft...? DJANGO Yep. Mouthful, huh? Dr.SCHULTZ To say the least. (stopping the horse) This looks like a very pretty place to have our picnic. What'd ya say, here? TIME CUT EXT - PICNIC IN COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY The two men sit on a blanket with a nice picnic spread spread out. Django eats a cucumber sandwich with the crust cut off, and drinks a cup of tea. DJANGO How did you know Broomhilda's first masters were German? Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda is a German name. If they named her, it stands to reason they'd be German. DJANGO Lotsa gals where you from named Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ No, not so much. Broomhilda is the name of a character in one of the most popular of all the German legends. DJANGO Really? There's a story 'bout Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes there is. DJANGO Do you know it? Dr.SCHULTZ Every German knows that story. Would you like me to tell you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Well Broomhilda was a princess. She was the daughter of Wotan, the god of all gods. Anyway, her father is really mad at her. DJANGO What she do.? Dr.SCHULTZ I don't exactly remember. I think she disobeys him in some way. So at first he's just going to obliterate her - DJANGO Obliterate... . what does that mean? Dr.SCHULTZ Like blow up. He pantomimes a explosion. DJANGO Phew, that's pretty mad. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes it is, and like most fathers, given a little time, he calms down a bit. He's still mad at her. He still wants to punish her. Just not ... . blow her up. So instead what he does, is he puts her high on top of a mountain. DJANGO Broomhilda's on a mountain? Dr.SCHULTZ It's a German legend, there's always going to be a mountain in there somewhere. So, he puts her on top of the mountain and he puts a fire breathing dragon there to guard the mountain. And. then he surrounds her in circle of hellfire. And there Broomhilda shall remain, unless a hero arises brave enough to save her. DJANGO Does a fella arise? From now on as Dr.Schultz talks, he's beginning to realize something he wasn't aware of when the conversation started. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes Django, as a matter he does. A fella named, Sigfried. DJANGO Does Sigfried save her? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes he does, and quite spectacularly, so. Now true, he is assisted in his triumph by a truly, truly, remarkable sword, still, having said that, Sigfried triumphs over all of his obstacles not just due to his sword, but due to his courage. He scales the mountain, because he's not afraid of it. He defeats the dragon, because he's not afraid.of him. Dr.SCHULTZ (CON'T) He walks through hellfire because Broomhilda's worth. it. After that last line of dialogue... .the two men just let a moment pass as they nibble on their sandwiches. DJANGO I know how he feels. Dr.SCHULTZ I think I'm just starting to realize that. He pours Django and himself some more tea out of a fancy tea pot, as he thinks about what he's going to say next. Dr.SCHULTZ Look Django, I don't doubt one day you will save your lady love. But I'm afraid I can't let you go to Greenville in a good conscious. Let me ask you a question, how do you like the bounty hunting business? DJANGO Kill white folks, and they pay ya? What's not to like? Dr.SCHULTZ I hafta admit, we make a good team. DJANGO But I'thought you were mad at me for killin' Big John and Rodger? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes, on that occasion, you were a tad overzealous. But normally, that's a good thing. How'd you like to partner up for the winter? DJANGO What'd ya mean partner up? Dr.SCHULTZ You be my deputy, for real this time. A lot of the big money is in outlaw gangs. Some of these fellas are worth fifteen hundred or three thousand a piece. With one man, anything over three men is a risk. But with a partner? Creating cross fire? It's fish in a. barrel. A lot of these gangs hold up in the'hills for the winter. DJANGO You makin' another agreement? W7 Dr.SCHULTZ Yes. You work with me through the winter, till the snow melts. I give you a third of my bounties. And while we're together, I'll teach you a few things you're going to need to know. DJANGO Can you teach me how to make Tony do that head bow thing that Fritz can do? Dr.SCHULTZ That among other things. We make some money this winter, when the snow melts, I'll take you to Greenville myself, and we'll find where they sent your wife. I'm pretty good at finding people. Is it a deal? No white man has ever done anything for Django, just to him. So understandably, he's a little suspicious. DJANGO Why you care what happens to me? Why you care if I find my wife? Dr.SCHULTZ Well frankly, I've never given anybody their freedom before. And now that I have, I feel vaguely responsible for you. You're just not ready to go off on your own, it's that simple. You're too green, you'll get hurt. Plus when a German meets a real life Sigfried,. it's kind of a big deal. As a German, I'm obliged to help you on your quest to rescue your beloved Broomhilda. Django accepts that response. What follows is a MONTAGE covering the five months that Django and Schultz partner up as bounty hunters. Schultz wears his normal ensemble. Django wears his cool looking Green Jacket, unless it's really cold, which a lot of this Montage is. Then he still wears Ace Specks raw hide winter coat over his cool clothes. WE SEE A SCENE to be improvised (more or less), where Dr.Schultz teaches Django how to draw and shoot the pistol in the holster at his hip. By the end of the scene, after trial and error, we see Django's going to be good at this. EXT - HILLSIDE - SUNNY DAY We see Django and Dr.Schultz walking up a hill. Tony and Fritz have been left tied up downhill. Django leads a extra body HORSE (named PONCHO) behind him. Dr.Schultz carries his scope sight rifle in 'a long case. They get to the top of the hill. It overlooks a small farmhouse. Y, 8 DOWN BELOW WE SEE A LITTLE MAN struggling behind a plow, and his FIFTEEN YEAR OLD SON helping him by leading the horse forward. On top of their perch on the hill top, Dr.Schultz says; Dr.SCHULTZ Keep down or he'll see you. DJANGO Who that farmer? Who cares? Dr.SCHULTZ Well since we came here to kill 'em, he just might. DJANGO What? The little man pushin' that plow? Dr.SCHULTZ That little man pushing that plow, is Smitty Bacall. DJANGO Smitty Bacall is a farmer? Dr.SCHULTZ No. Smitty Bacall is a stagecoach robber who's hiding out as a farmer, because there's a seven thousand dollar bounty on his head. He hands Django the scope rifle case. Dr.SCHULTZ And he's all yours my boy. DJANGO lays on his belly, with the Scope Sight up to his eye. SCOPE SIGHT POV: on the Farmer struggling behind his plow, working hard with his horse and his son. Django's finger on the trigger... .but he hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Oh what happened.to mister I wanna kill white folks for money? DJANGO His son's with him. Dr.SCHULTZ Good. He'll have a loved one with him. Maybe even share a last word. That's better then most get, and a damn. sight better then he deserves. 1 9 Django still hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Put down the rifle. Don't worry, I'm not mad at you. Take out Smitty Bacall's handbill. Django removes the folded up handbill from the pocket of his tan pants. Dr.SCHULTZ Read it aloud. Consider it today's lesson. DJANGO (READING) "Wanted, dead or alive. Smitty Bacall and The Smitty Bacall Gang. For murder and stagecoach robbery. Seven thousand dollars for Smitty Bacall. One thousand and five hundred dollars for each of his gang members. Known members of The Smitty Bacall Gang are as follows, DANDY MICHAELS, GERALD NASH, and CRAZY CRAIG KOONS." Dr.SCHULTZ Well done. Bravo. THAT is who Smitty Bacall is. If Smitty Bacall wanted to start a farm at twenty-two, they would never of printed that. (REFERRING TO THE HANDBILL) But Smitty Bacall wanted to rob stagecoaches, and he didn't mind killing people to do it. You want to save your wife by doing what I do? This is what I do. I kill people, and sell their corpses for cash. His corpse is worth seven thousand dollars. Now quit your pussyfootin and shoot him. Django SHOOTS. The Little Man down below behind the plow falls down. The Young Boy doesn't know what happened at first. Then he figures'out his father was just shot. He goes to him in the dirt. Dr.SCHULTZ You need to keep that Smitty Bacall handbill. DJANGO Why? Dr.SCHULTZ It's good luck. You always keep the handbill of your first bounty. They begin walking down the hill, to collect Smitty Bacall's body, leading the extra body horse behind them. 50 As they walk down hill, they watch the little scene of Smitty Bacall's Son cradling his dying father.in his arms, the older man speaking his last words to his son before he dies. Dr.SCHULTZ See, they're having a tender little father son moment now. No doubt the most heartfelt one they've ever had. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - NIGHT It's now full on snowy winter in the hills. Django practices his quick draw against a SNOWMAN he's built. He sticks a BOTTLE in it, so the bottom of the bottle is where the snowman's heart would be. He DRAWS... Shoots the bottle heart! He DRAWS ... Shoots the left coal eye. He DRAWS ... Shoots the right coal eye. He DRAWS... Shoots the carrot nose. Dr.Schultz comes up behind him. Dr.SCHULTZ I think it's safe to say you're faster then the snowman. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - DIFFERENT NIGHT A outlaw gang known as The WILSON - LOWE GANG (five guys) ride through a snowy forest at night. When all five men and their Horses, are SHOT FROM ABOVE. DJANGO AND SCHULTZ up in a tree, FIRING DOWN ON them. EXT - WINTER MOUNTAIN TOWN MAIN STREET - NIGHT The FLAKES continue to FALL HARD as Dr.Schultz and Django ride down the main street of town, pulling poor Poncho who's FULLY LOADED DOWN with five corpses. 571 The local SHERIFF, DON GUS, watches the two men ride up, he knows them. SHERIFF GUS Doctor and Django, how the hell are ya, and who the hell ya got there? Dr.SCHULTZ The Wilson - Lowe Gang. SHERIFF GUS Who the hell's The Wilson - Lowe Gang? Dr.Schultz removes a handbill from his inside jacket pocket, and hands it down to the friendly peace officer. Dr.SCHULTZ Bad Chuck Wilson, and meaner Bobby Lowe. And three of their acolytes. SHERIFF GUS Just leave 'em out here, they ain't going nowhere. And if'in they do, god must love 'em, so who are we to say. Come outta the snowy snow and git yourself some coffee. TNT - SHERIFF GUS'S OFFICE - NIGHT The snow encrusted bounty hunters come inside the lawmans office. They exchange pleasantries about the weather as the Sheriff pours them coffee. After the two frosty gentlemen have drunk some of the hot liquid, they get down to business. As Schultz and Gus discuss the bounties, Django reads the handbills aloud from off the wall. On the third one he reads, WARREN VANDERS, and a two thousand dollar bounty, "That one", Schultz says. Django RIPS IT off the wall. As the winter has progressed, we see they've become a genuine bounty hunting team. And Django, a genuine bounty hunter. EXT - PRETTY MEADOW - DAY The snow has melted, and it's SPRING. And inside of this meadow Django practices his fast draw against five men... .by Schultz throwing FIVE COINS in the air ... DJANGO DRAWS FAST shoots three coins, FIRES again hitting another, then falls to the ground to get the fifth. He looks up from the ground at Schultz. 5L As Schultz collects the coins off the ground, he says; Dr.SCHULTZ You're pretty confident aren't you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ You have reason to be. He holds out his fist, opens his hand, the coins lay in his palm. All the coins have bullet holes dead in their center. He drops them on top of Django. DJANGO Still think I'm too green for Greenville? Dr.Schultz removes a pipe, sticks it in his mouth and says; Dr.SCHULTZ Oh you're ready for Greenville. He lights a match, then lights the pipe, puffing as he says; Dr.SCHULTZ Greenville ready for you, that I'm not so sure. He blows out the match... WE GO TO BLACK What we also saw in the above montage is Django shake off a lifetime of slavery. Django, in his green jacket, in his cowboy hat, on top of his steed Tony, with his gun hanging from his hip, has become his own man. He's not a slave anymore. He's a bounty hunter. BLACK TITLE CARD ACROSS THE SCREEN ONE LETTER AT A TIME STYLE (ala "Rocky" and "FLASHDANCE") MISSISSIPPI CUT TO EXT - THE TOWN OF GREENVILLE MISSISSIPPI - DAY The whole Main Street of Greenville is thick with five inches of shit brown mud that all the horse hooves, and wagon wheels, and slave feet have to wade through to get from one end of the town to the other. 53 We see Django and Dr.Schultz enter the town, and slosh their horses in the mud,, down the main street of Greenville Mississippi. The buying and selling of slaves is what the whole town is built around. BLACK MEN, WOMEN, and CHILDREN in BONDAGE are everywhere you look. LINES OF CHAINED SLAVES being marched one way or the other, move through the muddy streets of Greenville. WHITE MEN on horses move them along. BUCKBOARDS filled with DOMESTIC SLAVES (HOUSE NIGGERS), and pretty PONYS, driven by WHITE MEN roll through the street. A YOUNG WHITE BOY (14 years old), a shepherd, leads a bunch of SLAVE CHILDREN through town. A SHEPHERD'S DOG, HELPS HIM OUT BY MOVING THE KIDS ALONG. Impromptu slave auctions take place on almost every block. A SUBTITLE APPEARS on the bottom of the screen: GREENVILLE CHICKASAW COUNTY, MISSISSIPPI Dr.Schultz takes in this African flesh market, where human beings sell other human beings, with disgust and a little bit of shock. Django is neither disgusted or. shocked, he knows first hand how Greenville operates. As he rides Tony through town in his snappy duds, he looks'at the BLACK MEN half dressed: in chains. He REMEMBERS HIMSELF with his six Other Companions from earlier, being walked through the mud of Main Street by The Speck Brothers. On that day he might as well of been a steer. Today, with a gun on his hip, money in his pocket, in his snappy outfit, astride his steed Tony, he feels so different from these wretched half naked bastards it gives him a bit of a chill. Django sees the towns railroad depot, and across from it a huge SLAVE PEN, like a STEER CORRAL. At the moment there's no train in the depot. WE FLASH ON The TRAIN, at a earlier time, pulling into the depot. INSIDE ONE OF THE BOXCARS amidst a boxcar full of shirtless BLACK MALES, Django watches the train pull into the station, from inside the wooden slates of the boxcar.: A hatch in the roof of the boxcar is NOISILY YANKED OPEN, and TWO WHITE SLAVE TRADERS (RUSS AND JUDD), peer down at their human cargo. JUDD Good god almighty these niggers stink! I F RUSS Niggers stink, where's the shock? (to the Slaves BELOW) Okay you bucks, listen up, and listen well, I'm only gonna say this once. There's a slave corral right across from this boxcar. We gittin ready to open these doors. When we do, y'all run as fast as you can, right into that pen. 'Anyone gittin off trail, gonna get hurt and hurt bad. Now you niggers better comprehend. And that goes for any African garboons amongst y'all can't understand english ... . your American buddies better shove your ass in the right direction, or your trip to this country is going to be short, and pointless. Train to pen as fast as you can! The boxcar door is slid open, and a HUNDRED AND FIFTY BLACK MALES run full out from the train to the steer corral. We spot Django during the running. Once inside the corral, the gate is closed. COWBOYS with rifles act as prison guards. INSIDE THE CORRAL through the wooden posts, in the distance, Django watches them open up the boxcar holding the females. They do their run to their pen out of view. Django catches a quick glimpse of Broomhild.a running with the other LADIES, then she's gone from view. BACK TO DJANGO (PRESENT) Django and Dr.Schultz on top of their horses, taking in the sight of Greenville. Dr.SCHULTZ It's a spectacle out of Dante. DJANGO You should see it from the other side. Dr.SCHULTZ Frankly, I don't know if I could endure this. DJANGO You'd be surprised what you can endure. (BEAT) Where to? 675 Dr.SCHULTZ Records office. CUT TO INT - RECORDS OFFICE - DAY Dr.Schultz and Django walk into a records office, lined with books. We watch through the store front window, the black man and white man enter, and Dr.Schultz present his business card to a Dickensian looking RECORDS OFFICE WORKER. As Schultz starts his spellbinding with words routine... . The CAMERA FADES TO BLACK. BLACK TITLE CARD: BROOMHILDA INT - SLAVE PEN - DAY The same shot we saw before of Django fighting his way to the bars of the slave pen, to get a better last look of Broomhilda. Broomhilda, as before is walked by in the distance. Then, as before Django loses sight of her. EXT - MAIN STREET - GREENVILLE - DAY We follow in front of Broomhilda being lead out of the slave pen by TWO WHITE MALE SLAVERS. Her bare feet slosh in the Main Street mud, and the leg irons scrap her ankles. Up until now everything you've ever seen of Broomhilda, has only been in Django's Spaghetti Western Flashbacks. In other words, from his perspective, and memory. This is the,only time the story will shift to Broomhilda's perspective. The strong but frightened girl is led out on to the hustle and bustle, and wagon wheels and horse hoofs of Main Street. Broomhilda is not taken into that three story auction arena that Django was sold in at the beginning. Instead She's just lifted up on a parked buckboard wagon. Her SELLER (CLYDE) starts his pitch on the TWELVE or so BUYERS that watch this puny make shift auction. BROOMHILDA looks down into the crowd of twelve ugly white men, and holds her breath which one will buy her. Among the ugly white men we see Mr.HARMONY (MIKE), not quite as ugly as the rest. An older well dressed, classy gentleman. Next to him is his twenty four year old overweight awkward son SCOTTY HARMONY. Scotty in the audience, and Broomhilda on the wagon, THEIR EYES MEET, he nudges his dad. The Seller makes her expose her breasts to the small crowd. Then her back, revealing her whip marks. Then pointing out the runaway "r" branded in her cheek. Some of the crowd, including Scotty, react with repulsion at the sight of the whip marks. The Seller assures the crowd, that niggers don't feel pain like white folks, and it only makes the women more gentle. SELLER - CLYDE Fellahs, you ain't felt gentle, till you felt nigger gal gentle. UGLY MAN makes a bid. BROOMHILDA yikes. UGLIER MAN higher bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. UGLIER BY FAR GUY makes leap frog big bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. BIG GREASY FAT GUY makes a bid. BIG FAT GREASY BEAVER PELT COVERED TRAPPER makes a bid. A GIGGLING LEERING GROUP OF BROTHERS make a bid. A SEVENTY FIVE YEAR OLD INDIAN ON A MULE makes a bid. Mr.Harmony makes a bid for his son Scotty. Broomhilda notices that. And makes more eye contact with Scotty. They look at each other as Mr.Harmony continues to bid. A LITERARY NARRATOR comes on the soundtrack. NARRATOR (VO) On that day, eight months ago, the auction was won by Mike Harmony, as a birthday present for his fat boy son Scotty. Mr.Harmony congratulates his son. From on top of the buckboard Broomhilda looks down at her new owners. Later they leave for the Harmony house. Scotty lifts Broomhilda up into the back of the buckboard. He hands her a little white bag. SCOTTY This is for you. She opens the bag,candies of many colors sit in it. SCOTTY They're jelly beans. Try one. She selects a yellow one and puts it in her mouth. SCOTTY Good huh? She nods her head, yes. We see him drive the buckboard out of Greenville with Broomhilda in the back eating her bag of jelly beans. $XT - COUNTRY ROAD - DAY The buckboard makes its way down a country road. Broomhilda in the back, and Scotty driving the wagon. Scotty bought her, but he's too scared to talk to her. Broomhilda's muddy bare feet dangle off the wagon. She's beginning to realize the young master is the shy type. BROOMHILDA Master Scotty... ? SCOTTY Yes Broomhilda? BROOMHILDA I'm lonely back here. Can I come on up with you on that seat so we can talk? SCOTTY Please, I'd love that. She climbs into the driver's seat. In more ways then one. '8 EXT - THE HARMONY HOUSE - DAY A nice two story southern house. Very nice, but hardly a plantation. The household's FOUR DOMESTIC SLAVES. Broomhilda will be the fifth. The buckboard pulls up to the front of the house. Scotty's mother, Mrs.HARMONY (MARY LOUISE), waits to meet her son, and his new bought nigger gal. The older lady looks the black girl up and down and says to her; Mrs.HARMONY What's your name, gal? BROOMHILDA Broomhilda. Mrs.HARMONY Follow me. into the kitchen, ('to her son) You stay out here. INT - KITCHEN - DAY Mrs.Harmony brings Broomhilda in her kitchen. The TWO DOMESTIC SLAVES that were in, there are chased out by the boss lady. Mrs.Harmony grabs Broomhilda by the wrist, and tells her; Mrs.HARMONY I want to have a word with you, wench. You met my boy Scotty. You can tell ain't no white girl gonna fool with him. And if they do fool with him, they fool with him for the wrong reason. Boy's twenty four, he still ain't a man yet. That's why you're here. Be nice to him. He's a very sweet boy. Play him right, he'll eat bird seed out of your palm. Play 'em wrong, you'll deal with me. BROOMHILDA I like Scotty. He's just shy is all. All he needs is a little confidence. Mrs.HARMONY And you'll give that to him? BROOMHILDA I'll do my best, mam. Scotty's a real sweet boy. Mrs.HARMONY He is, isn't he? BROOMHILDA Ah-huh. The mother lets go of the young lady's wrist. 19 NARRATOR (VO) Basically The Harmony's bought a slave bride for young master Scotty that day. And the two kids had a nice time playing house for awhile. We see Scotty and Broomhilda catching butterflies in butterfly nets in the daytime.. At night they catch LIGHTNING BUGS together. At night in Scotty's bed, while the young man lay fast asleep, Broomhilda looks at her jelly jar of GLOWING LIGHTNING BUGS. NARRATOR (VO) As Scotty's sort of defacto sweetheart, if no visitors were about, Broomhilda would even join the family at their dinner table. We see them at dinner eating fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. NARRATOR.(VO) And pretty soon she was adopted into a member of the family. Mrs.Harmony and Broomhilda sewing together. The Harmony family and Broomhilda playing croquet in the front yard. After dinner, Mrs.Harmony entertaining the family by playing the piano. Mr.Harmony reading the women and his son a story from a storybook. NARRATOR (VO) Scotty was never happier. Scotty and Broomhilda walking holding hands at Southern magic hour. Broomhilda having sex with Scotty, baby talking with him, talking him through it, making him feel loved and secure. NARRATOR (VO) After three months of this bliss, Scotty decided to take Broomhilda for a romantic weekend in Greenville. SCOTTY AND BROOMHILDA drive through the Main Street of Greenville, dressed to the nines, in a fancy carriage. Broomhilda dressed in a beautiful white lace dress, complete with white lace gloves, fancy ladies hat, and white parasol. Scotty, very proud of his pretty Pony, is dressed in a fashion best described as plantation pimp daddy. 6O NARRATOR (VO) White masters would take their pretty Ponys to Greenville for a treat or romantic excursion, for two reasons-One, seeing how bad the other slaves had it, always made the papered Ponys appreciate their privilege position, (just in case they'd forgot). BROOMHILDA holding her parasol, looking like a black Daisy Miller, watches the OTHER SLAVES march by in the mud. They watch her too. INT - HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT Broomhilda and Scotty, and their luggage, move into the fancy hotel lobby, and rent a room at the front desk. INSERT: HOTEL REGISTRY Scotty signs his name. The DESK CLERKS HAND checks the box on the registry book that indicates darkee female companion. INT -. GREENVILLE - NIGHT Greenville at night is a little different. At night, RICH WHITE MASTERS showing off their Ponys (like Scotty), rule the streets. NARRATOR (VO) And two, there was a sliver of society that ran through Greenville at night that catered to white masters who were infected with a condition that was normally referred to as, "Nigger love." At night the streets, the bars, bistros, and buggy rides were ruled by rich white masters showing off their pretty Pony's. EXT - CLEOPATRA CLUB - NIGHT An establishing shot.of the three story house that has been converted into private club called, The Cleopatra Club. NARRATOR (VO) But the crown jewel of all this interracial frivolity, was the members only, Cleopatra Club. INSERT: GOLD PLAQUE with the name, THE CLEOPATRA CLUB on it, next to it is a profile of Nefertiti. 6! INT - THE CLEOPATRA CLUB - RESTAURANT - NIGHT The interracial joint is jumping (as long as by interracial you mean white men and black women). Scotty and Broomhilda are enjoying a fancy dinner in the clubs dining room. We see across the dining room, the powerful white man, CALVIN CANDIE, sitting with some White Men and some Black Ponys, eyeing Broomhilda. SCOTTY I gotta tell you Broomhilda - I don't care if I go to. hell for this - I love you. And if loving you means I go to

teach

How many times the word 'teach' appears in the text?

'em. SPENCER'S HORSE his hooves race and rip up the grass. SPENCER riding for his life... DJANGO scope sight rifle up to his eye. Dr.SCHULTZ He's getting out of range. DJANGO I got 'em. INSERT: A black finger squeezes the rifle trigger. SPENCER BENNETT we're behind him as he rides away, OFF SCREEN we hear the whistling of what sounds like an incoming missle. SPENCER BENNETT we're in.front of Spencer Bennett as he rides, when Django's bullet, RIPS THROUGH his CHEST. DJANGO DJANGO I got 'em. SPENCER BENNETT falls from his horse, dead. DJANGO scope sight rifle in his hand, big smile on his face, looks.to Dr.Schultz. Dr.SCHULTZ Like that, huh? Referring to the scope sight rifle; DJANGO I like. Dr.SCHULTZ Well, I think while they take this opportunity to lick their wounds, we should take this opportunity to get the fuck out of Tennessee. They hop out of the tree. MONTAGE Dr.Schultz in a big city, buying Django a new saddle. Django gets his first initial "D" etched into it. The men go to different stores to purchase Django's wardrobe. The outfit bought, is selected by Django, with suggestions offered by Schultz. When he's done, Django looks damn handsome in his new duds. Brown cowboy boots, Green Corduroy Jacket, Smokey Grey Shirt, Tan Skin Tight Pants, and Light Brown Cowboy Hat. He looks a. bit like Elvis in "Flaming Star" and a Little Joe Cartwright on "Bonanza". However, tellingly, he keeps Ace Speck's Winter Coat as his winter coat. EXT - COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY Django, sitting on his new saddle, in his new duds, rides alongside the good doctor Schultz. The German carries a PICNIC BASKET. Dr.SCHULTZ But I'm serious son, Greenville is just too dangerous for you to go fucking around there. You're a freed, slave, you should be in New York. You shouldn't be in Greenville, you shouldn't even be forty miles on any side of Greenville., You shouldn't be anywhere in Mississippi. DJANGO She's my wife, it's my job to look after her. If Greenville's where I gotta go to find out where she went, then I gotta go. Now you were sayin' where I gotta go first? Dr.SCHULTZ There'should be some sort of records office. You know when she was sold, you know where she came from, the Carrucan Plantation, and you know her name ... . what is her name? DJANGO Broomhilda. Schultz reacts. Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda? Django.nods his head yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Were her owners German? Now Django reacts, "How did he know that? DJANGO Yeah, how did you know? She wasn't born on The Carrucan Plantation. She was raised by a German mistress, The Von Shafts. She can speak a little German too. Dr.SCHULTZ Your wife? DJANGO Yeah, when she was little her mistress taught her so she'd have somebody to talk German with. Dr.SCHULTZ So let me get this straight, your slave wife speaks German, and her name is Broomhilda Von Shaft...? DJANGO Yep. Mouthful, huh? Dr.SCHULTZ To say the least. (stopping the horse) This looks like a very pretty place to have our picnic. What'd ya say, here? TIME CUT EXT - PICNIC IN COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY The two men sit on a blanket with a nice picnic spread spread out. Django eats a cucumber sandwich with the crust cut off, and drinks a cup of tea. DJANGO How did you know Broomhilda's first masters were German? Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda is a German name. If they named her, it stands to reason they'd be German. DJANGO Lotsa gals where you from named Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ No, not so much. Broomhilda is the name of a character in one of the most popular of all the German legends. DJANGO Really? There's a story 'bout Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes there is. DJANGO Do you know it? Dr.SCHULTZ Every German knows that story. Would you like me to tell you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Well Broomhilda was a princess. She was the daughter of Wotan, the god of all gods. Anyway, her father is really mad at her. DJANGO What she do.? Dr.SCHULTZ I don't exactly remember. I think she disobeys him in some way. So at first he's just going to obliterate her - DJANGO Obliterate... . what does that mean? Dr.SCHULTZ Like blow up. He pantomimes a explosion. DJANGO Phew, that's pretty mad. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes it is, and like most fathers, given a little time, he calms down a bit. He's still mad at her. He still wants to punish her. Just not ... . blow her up. So instead what he does, is he puts her high on top of a mountain. DJANGO Broomhilda's on a mountain? Dr.SCHULTZ It's a German legend, there's always going to be a mountain in there somewhere. So, he puts her on top of the mountain and he puts a fire breathing dragon there to guard the mountain. And. then he surrounds her in circle of hellfire. And there Broomhilda shall remain, unless a hero arises brave enough to save her. DJANGO Does a fella arise? From now on as Dr.Schultz talks, he's beginning to realize something he wasn't aware of when the conversation started. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes Django, as a matter he does. A fella named, Sigfried. DJANGO Does Sigfried save her? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes he does, and quite spectacularly, so. Now true, he is assisted in his triumph by a truly, truly, remarkable sword, still, having said that, Sigfried triumphs over all of his obstacles not just due to his sword, but due to his courage. He scales the mountain, because he's not afraid of it. He defeats the dragon, because he's not afraid.of him. Dr.SCHULTZ (CON'T) He walks through hellfire because Broomhilda's worth. it. After that last line of dialogue... .the two men just let a moment pass as they nibble on their sandwiches. DJANGO I know how he feels. Dr.SCHULTZ I think I'm just starting to realize that. He pours Django and himself some more tea out of a fancy tea pot, as he thinks about what he's going to say next. Dr.SCHULTZ Look Django, I don't doubt one day you will save your lady love. But I'm afraid I can't let you go to Greenville in a good conscious. Let me ask you a question, how do you like the bounty hunting business? DJANGO Kill white folks, and they pay ya? What's not to like? Dr.SCHULTZ I hafta admit, we make a good team. DJANGO But I'thought you were mad at me for killin' Big John and Rodger? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes, on that occasion, you were a tad overzealous. But normally, that's a good thing. How'd you like to partner up for the winter? DJANGO What'd ya mean partner up? Dr.SCHULTZ You be my deputy, for real this time. A lot of the big money is in outlaw gangs. Some of these fellas are worth fifteen hundred or three thousand a piece. With one man, anything over three men is a risk. But with a partner? Creating cross fire? It's fish in a. barrel. A lot of these gangs hold up in the'hills for the winter. DJANGO You makin' another agreement? W7 Dr.SCHULTZ Yes. You work with me through the winter, till the snow melts. I give you a third of my bounties. And while we're together, I'll teach you a few things you're going to need to know. DJANGO Can you teach me how to make Tony do that head bow thing that Fritz can do? Dr.SCHULTZ That among other things. We make some money this winter, when the snow melts, I'll take you to Greenville myself, and we'll find where they sent your wife. I'm pretty good at finding people. Is it a deal? No white man has ever done anything for Django, just to him. So understandably, he's a little suspicious. DJANGO Why you care what happens to me? Why you care if I find my wife? Dr.SCHULTZ Well frankly, I've never given anybody their freedom before. And now that I have, I feel vaguely responsible for you. You're just not ready to go off on your own, it's that simple. You're too green, you'll get hurt. Plus when a German meets a real life Sigfried,. it's kind of a big deal. As a German, I'm obliged to help you on your quest to rescue your beloved Broomhilda. Django accepts that response. What follows is a MONTAGE covering the five months that Django and Schultz partner up as bounty hunters. Schultz wears his normal ensemble. Django wears his cool looking Green Jacket, unless it's really cold, which a lot of this Montage is. Then he still wears Ace Specks raw hide winter coat over his cool clothes. WE SEE A SCENE to be improvised (more or less), where Dr.Schultz teaches Django how to draw and shoot the pistol in the holster at his hip. By the end of the scene, after trial and error, we see Django's going to be good at this. EXT - HILLSIDE - SUNNY DAY We see Django and Dr.Schultz walking up a hill. Tony and Fritz have been left tied up downhill. Django leads a extra body HORSE (named PONCHO) behind him. Dr.Schultz carries his scope sight rifle in 'a long case. They get to the top of the hill. It overlooks a small farmhouse. Y, 8 DOWN BELOW WE SEE A LITTLE MAN struggling behind a plow, and his FIFTEEN YEAR OLD SON helping him by leading the horse forward. On top of their perch on the hill top, Dr.Schultz says; Dr.SCHULTZ Keep down or he'll see you. DJANGO Who that farmer? Who cares? Dr.SCHULTZ Well since we came here to kill 'em, he just might. DJANGO What? The little man pushin' that plow? Dr.SCHULTZ That little man pushing that plow, is Smitty Bacall. DJANGO Smitty Bacall is a farmer? Dr.SCHULTZ No. Smitty Bacall is a stagecoach robber who's hiding out as a farmer, because there's a seven thousand dollar bounty on his head. He hands Django the scope rifle case. Dr.SCHULTZ And he's all yours my boy. DJANGO lays on his belly, with the Scope Sight up to his eye. SCOPE SIGHT POV: on the Farmer struggling behind his plow, working hard with his horse and his son. Django's finger on the trigger... .but he hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Oh what happened.to mister I wanna kill white folks for money? DJANGO His son's with him. Dr.SCHULTZ Good. He'll have a loved one with him. Maybe even share a last word. That's better then most get, and a damn. sight better then he deserves. 1 9 Django still hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Put down the rifle. Don't worry, I'm not mad at you. Take out Smitty Bacall's handbill. Django removes the folded up handbill from the pocket of his tan pants. Dr.SCHULTZ Read it aloud. Consider it today's lesson. DJANGO (READING) "Wanted, dead or alive. Smitty Bacall and The Smitty Bacall Gang. For murder and stagecoach robbery. Seven thousand dollars for Smitty Bacall. One thousand and five hundred dollars for each of his gang members. Known members of The Smitty Bacall Gang are as follows, DANDY MICHAELS, GERALD NASH, and CRAZY CRAIG KOONS." Dr.SCHULTZ Well done. Bravo. THAT is who Smitty Bacall is. If Smitty Bacall wanted to start a farm at twenty-two, they would never of printed that. (REFERRING TO THE HANDBILL) But Smitty Bacall wanted to rob stagecoaches, and he didn't mind killing people to do it. You want to save your wife by doing what I do? This is what I do. I kill people, and sell their corpses for cash. His corpse is worth seven thousand dollars. Now quit your pussyfootin and shoot him. Django SHOOTS. The Little Man down below behind the plow falls down. The Young Boy doesn't know what happened at first. Then he figures'out his father was just shot. He goes to him in the dirt. Dr.SCHULTZ You need to keep that Smitty Bacall handbill. DJANGO Why? Dr.SCHULTZ It's good luck. You always keep the handbill of your first bounty. They begin walking down the hill, to collect Smitty Bacall's body, leading the extra body horse behind them. 50 As they walk down hill, they watch the little scene of Smitty Bacall's Son cradling his dying father.in his arms, the older man speaking his last words to his son before he dies. Dr.SCHULTZ See, they're having a tender little father son moment now. No doubt the most heartfelt one they've ever had. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - NIGHT It's now full on snowy winter in the hills. Django practices his quick draw against a SNOWMAN he's built. He sticks a BOTTLE in it, so the bottom of the bottle is where the snowman's heart would be. He DRAWS... Shoots the bottle heart! He DRAWS ... Shoots the left coal eye. He DRAWS ... Shoots the right coal eye. He DRAWS... Shoots the carrot nose. Dr.Schultz comes up behind him. Dr.SCHULTZ I think it's safe to say you're faster then the snowman. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - DIFFERENT NIGHT A outlaw gang known as The WILSON - LOWE GANG (five guys) ride through a snowy forest at night. When all five men and their Horses, are SHOT FROM ABOVE. DJANGO AND SCHULTZ up in a tree, FIRING DOWN ON them. EXT - WINTER MOUNTAIN TOWN MAIN STREET - NIGHT The FLAKES continue to FALL HARD as Dr.Schultz and Django ride down the main street of town, pulling poor Poncho who's FULLY LOADED DOWN with five corpses. 571 The local SHERIFF, DON GUS, watches the two men ride up, he knows them. SHERIFF GUS Doctor and Django, how the hell are ya, and who the hell ya got there? Dr.SCHULTZ The Wilson - Lowe Gang. SHERIFF GUS Who the hell's The Wilson - Lowe Gang? Dr.Schultz removes a handbill from his inside jacket pocket, and hands it down to the friendly peace officer. Dr.SCHULTZ Bad Chuck Wilson, and meaner Bobby Lowe. And three of their acolytes. SHERIFF GUS Just leave 'em out here, they ain't going nowhere. And if'in they do, god must love 'em, so who are we to say. Come outta the snowy snow and git yourself some coffee. TNT - SHERIFF GUS'S OFFICE - NIGHT The snow encrusted bounty hunters come inside the lawmans office. They exchange pleasantries about the weather as the Sheriff pours them coffee. After the two frosty gentlemen have drunk some of the hot liquid, they get down to business. As Schultz and Gus discuss the bounties, Django reads the handbills aloud from off the wall. On the third one he reads, WARREN VANDERS, and a two thousand dollar bounty, "That one", Schultz says. Django RIPS IT off the wall. As the winter has progressed, we see they've become a genuine bounty hunting team. And Django, a genuine bounty hunter. EXT - PRETTY MEADOW - DAY The snow has melted, and it's SPRING. And inside of this meadow Django practices his fast draw against five men... .by Schultz throwing FIVE COINS in the air ... DJANGO DRAWS FAST shoots three coins, FIRES again hitting another, then falls to the ground to get the fifth. He looks up from the ground at Schultz. 5L As Schultz collects the coins off the ground, he says; Dr.SCHULTZ You're pretty confident aren't you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ You have reason to be. He holds out his fist, opens his hand, the coins lay in his palm. All the coins have bullet holes dead in their center. He drops them on top of Django. DJANGO Still think I'm too green for Greenville? Dr.Schultz removes a pipe, sticks it in his mouth and says; Dr.SCHULTZ Oh you're ready for Greenville. He lights a match, then lights the pipe, puffing as he says; Dr.SCHULTZ Greenville ready for you, that I'm not so sure. He blows out the match... WE GO TO BLACK What we also saw in the above montage is Django shake off a lifetime of slavery. Django, in his green jacket, in his cowboy hat, on top of his steed Tony, with his gun hanging from his hip, has become his own man. He's not a slave anymore. He's a bounty hunter. BLACK TITLE CARD ACROSS THE SCREEN ONE LETTER AT A TIME STYLE (ala "Rocky" and "FLASHDANCE") MISSISSIPPI CUT TO EXT - THE TOWN OF GREENVILLE MISSISSIPPI - DAY The whole Main Street of Greenville is thick with five inches of shit brown mud that all the horse hooves, and wagon wheels, and slave feet have to wade through to get from one end of the town to the other. 53 We see Django and Dr.Schultz enter the town, and slosh their horses in the mud,, down the main street of Greenville Mississippi. The buying and selling of slaves is what the whole town is built around. BLACK MEN, WOMEN, and CHILDREN in BONDAGE are everywhere you look. LINES OF CHAINED SLAVES being marched one way or the other, move through the muddy streets of Greenville. WHITE MEN on horses move them along. BUCKBOARDS filled with DOMESTIC SLAVES (HOUSE NIGGERS), and pretty PONYS, driven by WHITE MEN roll through the street. A YOUNG WHITE BOY (14 years old), a shepherd, leads a bunch of SLAVE CHILDREN through town. A SHEPHERD'S DOG, HELPS HIM OUT BY MOVING THE KIDS ALONG. Impromptu slave auctions take place on almost every block. A SUBTITLE APPEARS on the bottom of the screen: GREENVILLE CHICKASAW COUNTY, MISSISSIPPI Dr.Schultz takes in this African flesh market, where human beings sell other human beings, with disgust and a little bit of shock. Django is neither disgusted or. shocked, he knows first hand how Greenville operates. As he rides Tony through town in his snappy duds, he looks'at the BLACK MEN half dressed: in chains. He REMEMBERS HIMSELF with his six Other Companions from earlier, being walked through the mud of Main Street by The Speck Brothers. On that day he might as well of been a steer. Today, with a gun on his hip, money in his pocket, in his snappy outfit, astride his steed Tony, he feels so different from these wretched half naked bastards it gives him a bit of a chill. Django sees the towns railroad depot, and across from it a huge SLAVE PEN, like a STEER CORRAL. At the moment there's no train in the depot. WE FLASH ON The TRAIN, at a earlier time, pulling into the depot. INSIDE ONE OF THE BOXCARS amidst a boxcar full of shirtless BLACK MALES, Django watches the train pull into the station, from inside the wooden slates of the boxcar.: A hatch in the roof of the boxcar is NOISILY YANKED OPEN, and TWO WHITE SLAVE TRADERS (RUSS AND JUDD), peer down at their human cargo. JUDD Good god almighty these niggers stink! I F RUSS Niggers stink, where's the shock? (to the Slaves BELOW) Okay you bucks, listen up, and listen well, I'm only gonna say this once. There's a slave corral right across from this boxcar. We gittin ready to open these doors. When we do, y'all run as fast as you can, right into that pen. 'Anyone gittin off trail, gonna get hurt and hurt bad. Now you niggers better comprehend. And that goes for any African garboons amongst y'all can't understand english ... . your American buddies better shove your ass in the right direction, or your trip to this country is going to be short, and pointless. Train to pen as fast as you can! The boxcar door is slid open, and a HUNDRED AND FIFTY BLACK MALES run full out from the train to the steer corral. We spot Django during the running. Once inside the corral, the gate is closed. COWBOYS with rifles act as prison guards. INSIDE THE CORRAL through the wooden posts, in the distance, Django watches them open up the boxcar holding the females. They do their run to their pen out of view. Django catches a quick glimpse of Broomhild.a running with the other LADIES, then she's gone from view. BACK TO DJANGO (PRESENT) Django and Dr.Schultz on top of their horses, taking in the sight of Greenville. Dr.SCHULTZ It's a spectacle out of Dante. DJANGO You should see it from the other side. Dr.SCHULTZ Frankly, I don't know if I could endure this. DJANGO You'd be surprised what you can endure. (BEAT) Where to? 675 Dr.SCHULTZ Records office. CUT TO INT - RECORDS OFFICE - DAY Dr.Schultz and Django walk into a records office, lined with books. We watch through the store front window, the black man and white man enter, and Dr.Schultz present his business card to a Dickensian looking RECORDS OFFICE WORKER. As Schultz starts his spellbinding with words routine... . The CAMERA FADES TO BLACK. BLACK TITLE CARD: BROOMHILDA INT - SLAVE PEN - DAY The same shot we saw before of Django fighting his way to the bars of the slave pen, to get a better last look of Broomhilda. Broomhilda, as before is walked by in the distance. Then, as before Django loses sight of her. EXT - MAIN STREET - GREENVILLE - DAY We follow in front of Broomhilda being lead out of the slave pen by TWO WHITE MALE SLAVERS. Her bare feet slosh in the Main Street mud, and the leg irons scrap her ankles. Up until now everything you've ever seen of Broomhilda, has only been in Django's Spaghetti Western Flashbacks. In other words, from his perspective, and memory. This is the,only time the story will shift to Broomhilda's perspective. The strong but frightened girl is led out on to the hustle and bustle, and wagon wheels and horse hoofs of Main Street. Broomhilda is not taken into that three story auction arena that Django was sold in at the beginning. Instead She's just lifted up on a parked buckboard wagon. Her SELLER (CLYDE) starts his pitch on the TWELVE or so BUYERS that watch this puny make shift auction. BROOMHILDA looks down into the crowd of twelve ugly white men, and holds her breath which one will buy her. Among the ugly white men we see Mr.HARMONY (MIKE), not quite as ugly as the rest. An older well dressed, classy gentleman. Next to him is his twenty four year old overweight awkward son SCOTTY HARMONY. Scotty in the audience, and Broomhilda on the wagon, THEIR EYES MEET, he nudges his dad. The Seller makes her expose her breasts to the small crowd. Then her back, revealing her whip marks. Then pointing out the runaway "r" branded in her cheek. Some of the crowd, including Scotty, react with repulsion at the sight of the whip marks. The Seller assures the crowd, that niggers don't feel pain like white folks, and it only makes the women more gentle. SELLER - CLYDE Fellahs, you ain't felt gentle, till you felt nigger gal gentle. UGLY MAN makes a bid. BROOMHILDA yikes. UGLIER MAN higher bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. UGLIER BY FAR GUY makes leap frog big bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. BIG GREASY FAT GUY makes a bid. BIG FAT GREASY BEAVER PELT COVERED TRAPPER makes a bid. A GIGGLING LEERING GROUP OF BROTHERS make a bid. A SEVENTY FIVE YEAR OLD INDIAN ON A MULE makes a bid. Mr.Harmony makes a bid for his son Scotty. Broomhilda notices that. And makes more eye contact with Scotty. They look at each other as Mr.Harmony continues to bid. A LITERARY NARRATOR comes on the soundtrack. NARRATOR (VO) On that day, eight months ago, the auction was won by Mike Harmony, as a birthday present for his fat boy son Scotty. Mr.Harmony congratulates his son. From on top of the buckboard Broomhilda looks down at her new owners. Later they leave for the Harmony house. Scotty lifts Broomhilda up into the back of the buckboard. He hands her a little white bag. SCOTTY This is for you. She opens the bag,candies of many colors sit in it. SCOTTY They're jelly beans. Try one. She selects a yellow one and puts it in her mouth. SCOTTY Good huh? She nods her head, yes. We see him drive the buckboard out of Greenville with Broomhilda in the back eating her bag of jelly beans. $XT - COUNTRY ROAD - DAY The buckboard makes its way down a country road. Broomhilda in the back, and Scotty driving the wagon. Scotty bought her, but he's too scared to talk to her. Broomhilda's muddy bare feet dangle off the wagon. She's beginning to realize the young master is the shy type. BROOMHILDA Master Scotty... ? SCOTTY Yes Broomhilda? BROOMHILDA I'm lonely back here. Can I come on up with you on that seat so we can talk? SCOTTY Please, I'd love that. She climbs into the driver's seat. In more ways then one. '8 EXT - THE HARMONY HOUSE - DAY A nice two story southern house. Very nice, but hardly a plantation. The household's FOUR DOMESTIC SLAVES. Broomhilda will be the fifth. The buckboard pulls up to the front of the house. Scotty's mother, Mrs.HARMONY (MARY LOUISE), waits to meet her son, and his new bought nigger gal. The older lady looks the black girl up and down and says to her; Mrs.HARMONY What's your name, gal? BROOMHILDA Broomhilda. Mrs.HARMONY Follow me. into the kitchen, ('to her son) You stay out here. INT - KITCHEN - DAY Mrs.Harmony brings Broomhilda in her kitchen. The TWO DOMESTIC SLAVES that were in, there are chased out by the boss lady. Mrs.Harmony grabs Broomhilda by the wrist, and tells her; Mrs.HARMONY I want to have a word with you, wench. You met my boy Scotty. You can tell ain't no white girl gonna fool with him. And if they do fool with him, they fool with him for the wrong reason. Boy's twenty four, he still ain't a man yet. That's why you're here. Be nice to him. He's a very sweet boy. Play him right, he'll eat bird seed out of your palm. Play 'em wrong, you'll deal with me. BROOMHILDA I like Scotty. He's just shy is all. All he needs is a little confidence. Mrs.HARMONY And you'll give that to him? BROOMHILDA I'll do my best, mam. Scotty's a real sweet boy. Mrs.HARMONY He is, isn't he? BROOMHILDA Ah-huh. The mother lets go of the young lady's wrist. 19 NARRATOR (VO) Basically The Harmony's bought a slave bride for young master Scotty that day. And the two kids had a nice time playing house for awhile. We see Scotty and Broomhilda catching butterflies in butterfly nets in the daytime.. At night they catch LIGHTNING BUGS together. At night in Scotty's bed, while the young man lay fast asleep, Broomhilda looks at her jelly jar of GLOWING LIGHTNING BUGS. NARRATOR (VO) As Scotty's sort of defacto sweetheart, if no visitors were about, Broomhilda would even join the family at their dinner table. We see them at dinner eating fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. NARRATOR.(VO) And pretty soon she was adopted into a member of the family. Mrs.Harmony and Broomhilda sewing together. The Harmony family and Broomhilda playing croquet in the front yard. After dinner, Mrs.Harmony entertaining the family by playing the piano. Mr.Harmony reading the women and his son a story from a storybook. NARRATOR (VO) Scotty was never happier. Scotty and Broomhilda walking holding hands at Southern magic hour. Broomhilda having sex with Scotty, baby talking with him, talking him through it, making him feel loved and secure. NARRATOR (VO) After three months of this bliss, Scotty decided to take Broomhilda for a romantic weekend in Greenville. SCOTTY AND BROOMHILDA drive through the Main Street of Greenville, dressed to the nines, in a fancy carriage. Broomhilda dressed in a beautiful white lace dress, complete with white lace gloves, fancy ladies hat, and white parasol. Scotty, very proud of his pretty Pony, is dressed in a fashion best described as plantation pimp daddy. 6O NARRATOR (VO) White masters would take their pretty Ponys to Greenville for a treat or romantic excursion, for two reasons-One, seeing how bad the other slaves had it, always made the papered Ponys appreciate their privilege position, (just in case they'd forgot). BROOMHILDA holding her parasol, looking like a black Daisy Miller, watches the OTHER SLAVES march by in the mud. They watch her too. INT - HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT Broomhilda and Scotty, and their luggage, move into the fancy hotel lobby, and rent a room at the front desk. INSERT: HOTEL REGISTRY Scotty signs his name. The DESK CLERKS HAND checks the box on the registry book that indicates darkee female companion. INT -. GREENVILLE - NIGHT Greenville at night is a little different. At night, RICH WHITE MASTERS showing off their Ponys (like Scotty), rule the streets. NARRATOR (VO) And two, there was a sliver of society that ran through Greenville at night that catered to white masters who were infected with a condition that was normally referred to as, "Nigger love." At night the streets, the bars, bistros, and buggy rides were ruled by rich white masters showing off their pretty Pony's. EXT - CLEOPATRA CLUB - NIGHT An establishing shot.of the three story house that has been converted into private club called, The Cleopatra Club. NARRATOR (VO) But the crown jewel of all this interracial frivolity, was the members only, Cleopatra Club. INSERT: GOLD PLAQUE with the name, THE CLEOPATRA CLUB on it, next to it is a profile of Nefertiti. 6! INT - THE CLEOPATRA CLUB - RESTAURANT - NIGHT The interracial joint is jumping (as long as by interracial you mean white men and black women). Scotty and Broomhilda are enjoying a fancy dinner in the clubs dining room. We see across the dining room, the powerful white man, CALVIN CANDIE, sitting with some White Men and some Black Ponys, eyeing Broomhilda. SCOTTY I gotta tell you Broomhilda - I don't care if I go to. hell for this - I love you. And if loving you means I go to

sticks

How many times the word 'sticks' appears in the text?

'em. SPENCER'S HORSE his hooves race and rip up the grass. SPENCER riding for his life... DJANGO scope sight rifle up to his eye. Dr.SCHULTZ He's getting out of range. DJANGO I got 'em. INSERT: A black finger squeezes the rifle trigger. SPENCER BENNETT we're behind him as he rides away, OFF SCREEN we hear the whistling of what sounds like an incoming missle. SPENCER BENNETT we're in.front of Spencer Bennett as he rides, when Django's bullet, RIPS THROUGH his CHEST. DJANGO DJANGO I got 'em. SPENCER BENNETT falls from his horse, dead. DJANGO scope sight rifle in his hand, big smile on his face, looks.to Dr.Schultz. Dr.SCHULTZ Like that, huh? Referring to the scope sight rifle; DJANGO I like. Dr.SCHULTZ Well, I think while they take this opportunity to lick their wounds, we should take this opportunity to get the fuck out of Tennessee. They hop out of the tree. MONTAGE Dr.Schultz in a big city, buying Django a new saddle. Django gets his first initial "D" etched into it. The men go to different stores to purchase Django's wardrobe. The outfit bought, is selected by Django, with suggestions offered by Schultz. When he's done, Django looks damn handsome in his new duds. Brown cowboy boots, Green Corduroy Jacket, Smokey Grey Shirt, Tan Skin Tight Pants, and Light Brown Cowboy Hat. He looks a. bit like Elvis in "Flaming Star" and a Little Joe Cartwright on "Bonanza". However, tellingly, he keeps Ace Speck's Winter Coat as his winter coat. EXT - COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY Django, sitting on his new saddle, in his new duds, rides alongside the good doctor Schultz. The German carries a PICNIC BASKET. Dr.SCHULTZ But I'm serious son, Greenville is just too dangerous for you to go fucking around there. You're a freed, slave, you should be in New York. You shouldn't be in Greenville, you shouldn't even be forty miles on any side of Greenville., You shouldn't be anywhere in Mississippi. DJANGO She's my wife, it's my job to look after her. If Greenville's where I gotta go to find out where she went, then I gotta go. Now you were sayin' where I gotta go first? Dr.SCHULTZ There'should be some sort of records office. You know when she was sold, you know where she came from, the Carrucan Plantation, and you know her name ... . what is her name? DJANGO Broomhilda. Schultz reacts. Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda? Django.nods his head yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Were her owners German? Now Django reacts, "How did he know that? DJANGO Yeah, how did you know? She wasn't born on The Carrucan Plantation. She was raised by a German mistress, The Von Shafts. She can speak a little German too. Dr.SCHULTZ Your wife? DJANGO Yeah, when she was little her mistress taught her so she'd have somebody to talk German with. Dr.SCHULTZ So let me get this straight, your slave wife speaks German, and her name is Broomhilda Von Shaft...? DJANGO Yep. Mouthful, huh? Dr.SCHULTZ To say the least. (stopping the horse) This looks like a very pretty place to have our picnic. What'd ya say, here? TIME CUT EXT - PICNIC IN COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY The two men sit on a blanket with a nice picnic spread spread out. Django eats a cucumber sandwich with the crust cut off, and drinks a cup of tea. DJANGO How did you know Broomhilda's first masters were German? Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda is a German name. If they named her, it stands to reason they'd be German. DJANGO Lotsa gals where you from named Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ No, not so much. Broomhilda is the name of a character in one of the most popular of all the German legends. DJANGO Really? There's a story 'bout Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes there is. DJANGO Do you know it? Dr.SCHULTZ Every German knows that story. Would you like me to tell you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Well Broomhilda was a princess. She was the daughter of Wotan, the god of all gods. Anyway, her father is really mad at her. DJANGO What she do.? Dr.SCHULTZ I don't exactly remember. I think she disobeys him in some way. So at first he's just going to obliterate her - DJANGO Obliterate... . what does that mean? Dr.SCHULTZ Like blow up. He pantomimes a explosion. DJANGO Phew, that's pretty mad. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes it is, and like most fathers, given a little time, he calms down a bit. He's still mad at her. He still wants to punish her. Just not ... . blow her up. So instead what he does, is he puts her high on top of a mountain. DJANGO Broomhilda's on a mountain? Dr.SCHULTZ It's a German legend, there's always going to be a mountain in there somewhere. So, he puts her on top of the mountain and he puts a fire breathing dragon there to guard the mountain. And. then he surrounds her in circle of hellfire. And there Broomhilda shall remain, unless a hero arises brave enough to save her. DJANGO Does a fella arise? From now on as Dr.Schultz talks, he's beginning to realize something he wasn't aware of when the conversation started. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes Django, as a matter he does. A fella named, Sigfried. DJANGO Does Sigfried save her? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes he does, and quite spectacularly, so. Now true, he is assisted in his triumph by a truly, truly, remarkable sword, still, having said that, Sigfried triumphs over all of his obstacles not just due to his sword, but due to his courage. He scales the mountain, because he's not afraid of it. He defeats the dragon, because he's not afraid.of him. Dr.SCHULTZ (CON'T) He walks through hellfire because Broomhilda's worth. it. After that last line of dialogue... .the two men just let a moment pass as they nibble on their sandwiches. DJANGO I know how he feels. Dr.SCHULTZ I think I'm just starting to realize that. He pours Django and himself some more tea out of a fancy tea pot, as he thinks about what he's going to say next. Dr.SCHULTZ Look Django, I don't doubt one day you will save your lady love. But I'm afraid I can't let you go to Greenville in a good conscious. Let me ask you a question, how do you like the bounty hunting business? DJANGO Kill white folks, and they pay ya? What's not to like? Dr.SCHULTZ I hafta admit, we make a good team. DJANGO But I'thought you were mad at me for killin' Big John and Rodger? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes, on that occasion, you were a tad overzealous. But normally, that's a good thing. How'd you like to partner up for the winter? DJANGO What'd ya mean partner up? Dr.SCHULTZ You be my deputy, for real this time. A lot of the big money is in outlaw gangs. Some of these fellas are worth fifteen hundred or three thousand a piece. With one man, anything over three men is a risk. But with a partner? Creating cross fire? It's fish in a. barrel. A lot of these gangs hold up in the'hills for the winter. DJANGO You makin' another agreement? W7 Dr.SCHULTZ Yes. You work with me through the winter, till the snow melts. I give you a third of my bounties. And while we're together, I'll teach you a few things you're going to need to know. DJANGO Can you teach me how to make Tony do that head bow thing that Fritz can do? Dr.SCHULTZ That among other things. We make some money this winter, when the snow melts, I'll take you to Greenville myself, and we'll find where they sent your wife. I'm pretty good at finding people. Is it a deal? No white man has ever done anything for Django, just to him. So understandably, he's a little suspicious. DJANGO Why you care what happens to me? Why you care if I find my wife? Dr.SCHULTZ Well frankly, I've never given anybody their freedom before. And now that I have, I feel vaguely responsible for you. You're just not ready to go off on your own, it's that simple. You're too green, you'll get hurt. Plus when a German meets a real life Sigfried,. it's kind of a big deal. As a German, I'm obliged to help you on your quest to rescue your beloved Broomhilda. Django accepts that response. What follows is a MONTAGE covering the five months that Django and Schultz partner up as bounty hunters. Schultz wears his normal ensemble. Django wears his cool looking Green Jacket, unless it's really cold, which a lot of this Montage is. Then he still wears Ace Specks raw hide winter coat over his cool clothes. WE SEE A SCENE to be improvised (more or less), where Dr.Schultz teaches Django how to draw and shoot the pistol in the holster at his hip. By the end of the scene, after trial and error, we see Django's going to be good at this. EXT - HILLSIDE - SUNNY DAY We see Django and Dr.Schultz walking up a hill. Tony and Fritz have been left tied up downhill. Django leads a extra body HORSE (named PONCHO) behind him. Dr.Schultz carries his scope sight rifle in 'a long case. They get to the top of the hill. It overlooks a small farmhouse. Y, 8 DOWN BELOW WE SEE A LITTLE MAN struggling behind a plow, and his FIFTEEN YEAR OLD SON helping him by leading the horse forward. On top of their perch on the hill top, Dr.Schultz says; Dr.SCHULTZ Keep down or he'll see you. DJANGO Who that farmer? Who cares? Dr.SCHULTZ Well since we came here to kill 'em, he just might. DJANGO What? The little man pushin' that plow? Dr.SCHULTZ That little man pushing that plow, is Smitty Bacall. DJANGO Smitty Bacall is a farmer? Dr.SCHULTZ No. Smitty Bacall is a stagecoach robber who's hiding out as a farmer, because there's a seven thousand dollar bounty on his head. He hands Django the scope rifle case. Dr.SCHULTZ And he's all yours my boy. DJANGO lays on his belly, with the Scope Sight up to his eye. SCOPE SIGHT POV: on the Farmer struggling behind his plow, working hard with his horse and his son. Django's finger on the trigger... .but he hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Oh what happened.to mister I wanna kill white folks for money? DJANGO His son's with him. Dr.SCHULTZ Good. He'll have a loved one with him. Maybe even share a last word. That's better then most get, and a damn. sight better then he deserves. 1 9 Django still hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Put down the rifle. Don't worry, I'm not mad at you. Take out Smitty Bacall's handbill. Django removes the folded up handbill from the pocket of his tan pants. Dr.SCHULTZ Read it aloud. Consider it today's lesson. DJANGO (READING) "Wanted, dead or alive. Smitty Bacall and The Smitty Bacall Gang. For murder and stagecoach robbery. Seven thousand dollars for Smitty Bacall. One thousand and five hundred dollars for each of his gang members. Known members of The Smitty Bacall Gang are as follows, DANDY MICHAELS, GERALD NASH, and CRAZY CRAIG KOONS." Dr.SCHULTZ Well done. Bravo. THAT is who Smitty Bacall is. If Smitty Bacall wanted to start a farm at twenty-two, they would never of printed that. (REFERRING TO THE HANDBILL) But Smitty Bacall wanted to rob stagecoaches, and he didn't mind killing people to do it. You want to save your wife by doing what I do? This is what I do. I kill people, and sell their corpses for cash. His corpse is worth seven thousand dollars. Now quit your pussyfootin and shoot him. Django SHOOTS. The Little Man down below behind the plow falls down. The Young Boy doesn't know what happened at first. Then he figures'out his father was just shot. He goes to him in the dirt. Dr.SCHULTZ You need to keep that Smitty Bacall handbill. DJANGO Why? Dr.SCHULTZ It's good luck. You always keep the handbill of your first bounty. They begin walking down the hill, to collect Smitty Bacall's body, leading the extra body horse behind them. 50 As they walk down hill, they watch the little scene of Smitty Bacall's Son cradling his dying father.in his arms, the older man speaking his last words to his son before he dies. Dr.SCHULTZ See, they're having a tender little father son moment now. No doubt the most heartfelt one they've ever had. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - NIGHT It's now full on snowy winter in the hills. Django practices his quick draw against a SNOWMAN he's built. He sticks a BOTTLE in it, so the bottom of the bottle is where the snowman's heart would be. He DRAWS... Shoots the bottle heart! He DRAWS ... Shoots the left coal eye. He DRAWS ... Shoots the right coal eye. He DRAWS... Shoots the carrot nose. Dr.Schultz comes up behind him. Dr.SCHULTZ I think it's safe to say you're faster then the snowman. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - DIFFERENT NIGHT A outlaw gang known as The WILSON - LOWE GANG (five guys) ride through a snowy forest at night. When all five men and their Horses, are SHOT FROM ABOVE. DJANGO AND SCHULTZ up in a tree, FIRING DOWN ON them. EXT - WINTER MOUNTAIN TOWN MAIN STREET - NIGHT The FLAKES continue to FALL HARD as Dr.Schultz and Django ride down the main street of town, pulling poor Poncho who's FULLY LOADED DOWN with five corpses. 571 The local SHERIFF, DON GUS, watches the two men ride up, he knows them. SHERIFF GUS Doctor and Django, how the hell are ya, and who the hell ya got there? Dr.SCHULTZ The Wilson - Lowe Gang. SHERIFF GUS Who the hell's The Wilson - Lowe Gang? Dr.Schultz removes a handbill from his inside jacket pocket, and hands it down to the friendly peace officer. Dr.SCHULTZ Bad Chuck Wilson, and meaner Bobby Lowe. And three of their acolytes. SHERIFF GUS Just leave 'em out here, they ain't going nowhere. And if'in they do, god must love 'em, so who are we to say. Come outta the snowy snow and git yourself some coffee. TNT - SHERIFF GUS'S OFFICE - NIGHT The snow encrusted bounty hunters come inside the lawmans office. They exchange pleasantries about the weather as the Sheriff pours them coffee. After the two frosty gentlemen have drunk some of the hot liquid, they get down to business. As Schultz and Gus discuss the bounties, Django reads the handbills aloud from off the wall. On the third one he reads, WARREN VANDERS, and a two thousand dollar bounty, "That one", Schultz says. Django RIPS IT off the wall. As the winter has progressed, we see they've become a genuine bounty hunting team. And Django, a genuine bounty hunter. EXT - PRETTY MEADOW - DAY The snow has melted, and it's SPRING. And inside of this meadow Django practices his fast draw against five men... .by Schultz throwing FIVE COINS in the air ... DJANGO DRAWS FAST shoots three coins, FIRES again hitting another, then falls to the ground to get the fifth. He looks up from the ground at Schultz. 5L As Schultz collects the coins off the ground, he says; Dr.SCHULTZ You're pretty confident aren't you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ You have reason to be. He holds out his fist, opens his hand, the coins lay in his palm. All the coins have bullet holes dead in their center. He drops them on top of Django. DJANGO Still think I'm too green for Greenville? Dr.Schultz removes a pipe, sticks it in his mouth and says; Dr.SCHULTZ Oh you're ready for Greenville. He lights a match, then lights the pipe, puffing as he says; Dr.SCHULTZ Greenville ready for you, that I'm not so sure. He blows out the match... WE GO TO BLACK What we also saw in the above montage is Django shake off a lifetime of slavery. Django, in his green jacket, in his cowboy hat, on top of his steed Tony, with his gun hanging from his hip, has become his own man. He's not a slave anymore. He's a bounty hunter. BLACK TITLE CARD ACROSS THE SCREEN ONE LETTER AT A TIME STYLE (ala "Rocky" and "FLASHDANCE") MISSISSIPPI CUT TO EXT - THE TOWN OF GREENVILLE MISSISSIPPI - DAY The whole Main Street of Greenville is thick with five inches of shit brown mud that all the horse hooves, and wagon wheels, and slave feet have to wade through to get from one end of the town to the other. 53 We see Django and Dr.Schultz enter the town, and slosh their horses in the mud,, down the main street of Greenville Mississippi. The buying and selling of slaves is what the whole town is built around. BLACK MEN, WOMEN, and CHILDREN in BONDAGE are everywhere you look. LINES OF CHAINED SLAVES being marched one way or the other, move through the muddy streets of Greenville. WHITE MEN on horses move them along. BUCKBOARDS filled with DOMESTIC SLAVES (HOUSE NIGGERS), and pretty PONYS, driven by WHITE MEN roll through the street. A YOUNG WHITE BOY (14 years old), a shepherd, leads a bunch of SLAVE CHILDREN through town. A SHEPHERD'S DOG, HELPS HIM OUT BY MOVING THE KIDS ALONG. Impromptu slave auctions take place on almost every block. A SUBTITLE APPEARS on the bottom of the screen: GREENVILLE CHICKASAW COUNTY, MISSISSIPPI Dr.Schultz takes in this African flesh market, where human beings sell other human beings, with disgust and a little bit of shock. Django is neither disgusted or. shocked, he knows first hand how Greenville operates. As he rides Tony through town in his snappy duds, he looks'at the BLACK MEN half dressed: in chains. He REMEMBERS HIMSELF with his six Other Companions from earlier, being walked through the mud of Main Street by The Speck Brothers. On that day he might as well of been a steer. Today, with a gun on his hip, money in his pocket, in his snappy outfit, astride his steed Tony, he feels so different from these wretched half naked bastards it gives him a bit of a chill. Django sees the towns railroad depot, and across from it a huge SLAVE PEN, like a STEER CORRAL. At the moment there's no train in the depot. WE FLASH ON The TRAIN, at a earlier time, pulling into the depot. INSIDE ONE OF THE BOXCARS amidst a boxcar full of shirtless BLACK MALES, Django watches the train pull into the station, from inside the wooden slates of the boxcar.: A hatch in the roof of the boxcar is NOISILY YANKED OPEN, and TWO WHITE SLAVE TRADERS (RUSS AND JUDD), peer down at their human cargo. JUDD Good god almighty these niggers stink! I F RUSS Niggers stink, where's the shock? (to the Slaves BELOW) Okay you bucks, listen up, and listen well, I'm only gonna say this once. There's a slave corral right across from this boxcar. We gittin ready to open these doors. When we do, y'all run as fast as you can, right into that pen. 'Anyone gittin off trail, gonna get hurt and hurt bad. Now you niggers better comprehend. And that goes for any African garboons amongst y'all can't understand english ... . your American buddies better shove your ass in the right direction, or your trip to this country is going to be short, and pointless. Train to pen as fast as you can! The boxcar door is slid open, and a HUNDRED AND FIFTY BLACK MALES run full out from the train to the steer corral. We spot Django during the running. Once inside the corral, the gate is closed. COWBOYS with rifles act as prison guards. INSIDE THE CORRAL through the wooden posts, in the distance, Django watches them open up the boxcar holding the females. They do their run to their pen out of view. Django catches a quick glimpse of Broomhild.a running with the other LADIES, then she's gone from view. BACK TO DJANGO (PRESENT) Django and Dr.Schultz on top of their horses, taking in the sight of Greenville. Dr.SCHULTZ It's a spectacle out of Dante. DJANGO You should see it from the other side. Dr.SCHULTZ Frankly, I don't know if I could endure this. DJANGO You'd be surprised what you can endure. (BEAT) Where to? 675 Dr.SCHULTZ Records office. CUT TO INT - RECORDS OFFICE - DAY Dr.Schultz and Django walk into a records office, lined with books. We watch through the store front window, the black man and white man enter, and Dr.Schultz present his business card to a Dickensian looking RECORDS OFFICE WORKER. As Schultz starts his spellbinding with words routine... . The CAMERA FADES TO BLACK. BLACK TITLE CARD: BROOMHILDA INT - SLAVE PEN - DAY The same shot we saw before of Django fighting his way to the bars of the slave pen, to get a better last look of Broomhilda. Broomhilda, as before is walked by in the distance. Then, as before Django loses sight of her. EXT - MAIN STREET - GREENVILLE - DAY We follow in front of Broomhilda being lead out of the slave pen by TWO WHITE MALE SLAVERS. Her bare feet slosh in the Main Street mud, and the leg irons scrap her ankles. Up until now everything you've ever seen of Broomhilda, has only been in Django's Spaghetti Western Flashbacks. In other words, from his perspective, and memory. This is the,only time the story will shift to Broomhilda's perspective. The strong but frightened girl is led out on to the hustle and bustle, and wagon wheels and horse hoofs of Main Street. Broomhilda is not taken into that three story auction arena that Django was sold in at the beginning. Instead She's just lifted up on a parked buckboard wagon. Her SELLER (CLYDE) starts his pitch on the TWELVE or so BUYERS that watch this puny make shift auction. BROOMHILDA looks down into the crowd of twelve ugly white men, and holds her breath which one will buy her. Among the ugly white men we see Mr.HARMONY (MIKE), not quite as ugly as the rest. An older well dressed, classy gentleman. Next to him is his twenty four year old overweight awkward son SCOTTY HARMONY. Scotty in the audience, and Broomhilda on the wagon, THEIR EYES MEET, he nudges his dad. The Seller makes her expose her breasts to the small crowd. Then her back, revealing her whip marks. Then pointing out the runaway "r" branded in her cheek. Some of the crowd, including Scotty, react with repulsion at the sight of the whip marks. The Seller assures the crowd, that niggers don't feel pain like white folks, and it only makes the women more gentle. SELLER - CLYDE Fellahs, you ain't felt gentle, till you felt nigger gal gentle. UGLY MAN makes a bid. BROOMHILDA yikes. UGLIER MAN higher bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. UGLIER BY FAR GUY makes leap frog big bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. BIG GREASY FAT GUY makes a bid. BIG FAT GREASY BEAVER PELT COVERED TRAPPER makes a bid. A GIGGLING LEERING GROUP OF BROTHERS make a bid. A SEVENTY FIVE YEAR OLD INDIAN ON A MULE makes a bid. Mr.Harmony makes a bid for his son Scotty. Broomhilda notices that. And makes more eye contact with Scotty. They look at each other as Mr.Harmony continues to bid. A LITERARY NARRATOR comes on the soundtrack. NARRATOR (VO) On that day, eight months ago, the auction was won by Mike Harmony, as a birthday present for his fat boy son Scotty. Mr.Harmony congratulates his son. From on top of the buckboard Broomhilda looks down at her new owners. Later they leave for the Harmony house. Scotty lifts Broomhilda up into the back of the buckboard. He hands her a little white bag. SCOTTY This is for you. She opens the bag,candies of many colors sit in it. SCOTTY They're jelly beans. Try one. She selects a yellow one and puts it in her mouth. SCOTTY Good huh? She nods her head, yes. We see him drive the buckboard out of Greenville with Broomhilda in the back eating her bag of jelly beans. $XT - COUNTRY ROAD - DAY The buckboard makes its way down a country road. Broomhilda in the back, and Scotty driving the wagon. Scotty bought her, but he's too scared to talk to her. Broomhilda's muddy bare feet dangle off the wagon. She's beginning to realize the young master is the shy type. BROOMHILDA Master Scotty... ? SCOTTY Yes Broomhilda? BROOMHILDA I'm lonely back here. Can I come on up with you on that seat so we can talk? SCOTTY Please, I'd love that. She climbs into the driver's seat. In more ways then one. '8 EXT - THE HARMONY HOUSE - DAY A nice two story southern house. Very nice, but hardly a plantation. The household's FOUR DOMESTIC SLAVES. Broomhilda will be the fifth. The buckboard pulls up to the front of the house. Scotty's mother, Mrs.HARMONY (MARY LOUISE), waits to meet her son, and his new bought nigger gal. The older lady looks the black girl up and down and says to her; Mrs.HARMONY What's your name, gal? BROOMHILDA Broomhilda. Mrs.HARMONY Follow me. into the kitchen, ('to her son) You stay out here. INT - KITCHEN - DAY Mrs.Harmony brings Broomhilda in her kitchen. The TWO DOMESTIC SLAVES that were in, there are chased out by the boss lady. Mrs.Harmony grabs Broomhilda by the wrist, and tells her; Mrs.HARMONY I want to have a word with you, wench. You met my boy Scotty. You can tell ain't no white girl gonna fool with him. And if they do fool with him, they fool with him for the wrong reason. Boy's twenty four, he still ain't a man yet. That's why you're here. Be nice to him. He's a very sweet boy. Play him right, he'll eat bird seed out of your palm. Play 'em wrong, you'll deal with me. BROOMHILDA I like Scotty. He's just shy is all. All he needs is a little confidence. Mrs.HARMONY And you'll give that to him? BROOMHILDA I'll do my best, mam. Scotty's a real sweet boy. Mrs.HARMONY He is, isn't he? BROOMHILDA Ah-huh. The mother lets go of the young lady's wrist. 19 NARRATOR (VO) Basically The Harmony's bought a slave bride for young master Scotty that day. And the two kids had a nice time playing house for awhile. We see Scotty and Broomhilda catching butterflies in butterfly nets in the daytime.. At night they catch LIGHTNING BUGS together. At night in Scotty's bed, while the young man lay fast asleep, Broomhilda looks at her jelly jar of GLOWING LIGHTNING BUGS. NARRATOR (VO) As Scotty's sort of defacto sweetheart, if no visitors were about, Broomhilda would even join the family at their dinner table. We see them at dinner eating fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. NARRATOR.(VO) And pretty soon she was adopted into a member of the family. Mrs.Harmony and Broomhilda sewing together. The Harmony family and Broomhilda playing croquet in the front yard. After dinner, Mrs.Harmony entertaining the family by playing the piano. Mr.Harmony reading the women and his son a story from a storybook. NARRATOR (VO) Scotty was never happier. Scotty and Broomhilda walking holding hands at Southern magic hour. Broomhilda having sex with Scotty, baby talking with him, talking him through it, making him feel loved and secure. NARRATOR (VO) After three months of this bliss, Scotty decided to take Broomhilda for a romantic weekend in Greenville. SCOTTY AND BROOMHILDA drive through the Main Street of Greenville, dressed to the nines, in a fancy carriage. Broomhilda dressed in a beautiful white lace dress, complete with white lace gloves, fancy ladies hat, and white parasol. Scotty, very proud of his pretty Pony, is dressed in a fashion best described as plantation pimp daddy. 6O NARRATOR (VO) White masters would take their pretty Ponys to Greenville for a treat or romantic excursion, for two reasons-One, seeing how bad the other slaves had it, always made the papered Ponys appreciate their privilege position, (just in case they'd forgot). BROOMHILDA holding her parasol, looking like a black Daisy Miller, watches the OTHER SLAVES march by in the mud. They watch her too. INT - HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT Broomhilda and Scotty, and their luggage, move into the fancy hotel lobby, and rent a room at the front desk. INSERT: HOTEL REGISTRY Scotty signs his name. The DESK CLERKS HAND checks the box on the registry book that indicates darkee female companion. INT -. GREENVILLE - NIGHT Greenville at night is a little different. At night, RICH WHITE MASTERS showing off their Ponys (like Scotty), rule the streets. NARRATOR (VO) And two, there was a sliver of society that ran through Greenville at night that catered to white masters who were infected with a condition that was normally referred to as, "Nigger love." At night the streets, the bars, bistros, and buggy rides were ruled by rich white masters showing off their pretty Pony's. EXT - CLEOPATRA CLUB - NIGHT An establishing shot.of the three story house that has been converted into private club called, The Cleopatra Club. NARRATOR (VO) But the crown jewel of all this interracial frivolity, was the members only, Cleopatra Club. INSERT: GOLD PLAQUE with the name, THE CLEOPATRA CLUB on it, next to it is a profile of Nefertiti. 6! INT - THE CLEOPATRA CLUB - RESTAURANT - NIGHT The interracial joint is jumping (as long as by interracial you mean white men and black women). Scotty and Broomhilda are enjoying a fancy dinner in the clubs dining room. We see across the dining room, the powerful white man, CALVIN CANDIE, sitting with some White Men and some Black Ponys, eyeing Broomhilda. SCOTTY I gotta tell you Broomhilda - I don't care if I go to. hell for this - I love you. And if loving you means I go to

overlooks

How many times the word 'overlooks' appears in the text?

'em. SPENCER'S HORSE his hooves race and rip up the grass. SPENCER riding for his life... DJANGO scope sight rifle up to his eye. Dr.SCHULTZ He's getting out of range. DJANGO I got 'em. INSERT: A black finger squeezes the rifle trigger. SPENCER BENNETT we're behind him as he rides away, OFF SCREEN we hear the whistling of what sounds like an incoming missle. SPENCER BENNETT we're in.front of Spencer Bennett as he rides, when Django's bullet, RIPS THROUGH his CHEST. DJANGO DJANGO I got 'em. SPENCER BENNETT falls from his horse, dead. DJANGO scope sight rifle in his hand, big smile on his face, looks.to Dr.Schultz. Dr.SCHULTZ Like that, huh? Referring to the scope sight rifle; DJANGO I like. Dr.SCHULTZ Well, I think while they take this opportunity to lick their wounds, we should take this opportunity to get the fuck out of Tennessee. They hop out of the tree. MONTAGE Dr.Schultz in a big city, buying Django a new saddle. Django gets his first initial "D" etched into it. The men go to different stores to purchase Django's wardrobe. The outfit bought, is selected by Django, with suggestions offered by Schultz. When he's done, Django looks damn handsome in his new duds. Brown cowboy boots, Green Corduroy Jacket, Smokey Grey Shirt, Tan Skin Tight Pants, and Light Brown Cowboy Hat. He looks a. bit like Elvis in "Flaming Star" and a Little Joe Cartwright on "Bonanza". However, tellingly, he keeps Ace Speck's Winter Coat as his winter coat. EXT - COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY Django, sitting on his new saddle, in his new duds, rides alongside the good doctor Schultz. The German carries a PICNIC BASKET. Dr.SCHULTZ But I'm serious son, Greenville is just too dangerous for you to go fucking around there. You're a freed, slave, you should be in New York. You shouldn't be in Greenville, you shouldn't even be forty miles on any side of Greenville., You shouldn't be anywhere in Mississippi. DJANGO She's my wife, it's my job to look after her. If Greenville's where I gotta go to find out where she went, then I gotta go. Now you were sayin' where I gotta go first? Dr.SCHULTZ There'should be some sort of records office. You know when she was sold, you know where she came from, the Carrucan Plantation, and you know her name ... . what is her name? DJANGO Broomhilda. Schultz reacts. Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda? Django.nods his head yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Were her owners German? Now Django reacts, "How did he know that? DJANGO Yeah, how did you know? She wasn't born on The Carrucan Plantation. She was raised by a German mistress, The Von Shafts. She can speak a little German too. Dr.SCHULTZ Your wife? DJANGO Yeah, when she was little her mistress taught her so she'd have somebody to talk German with. Dr.SCHULTZ So let me get this straight, your slave wife speaks German, and her name is Broomhilda Von Shaft...? DJANGO Yep. Mouthful, huh? Dr.SCHULTZ To say the least. (stopping the horse) This looks like a very pretty place to have our picnic. What'd ya say, here? TIME CUT EXT - PICNIC IN COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY The two men sit on a blanket with a nice picnic spread spread out. Django eats a cucumber sandwich with the crust cut off, and drinks a cup of tea. DJANGO How did you know Broomhilda's first masters were German? Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda is a German name. If they named her, it stands to reason they'd be German. DJANGO Lotsa gals where you from named Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ No, not so much. Broomhilda is the name of a character in one of the most popular of all the German legends. DJANGO Really? There's a story 'bout Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes there is. DJANGO Do you know it? Dr.SCHULTZ Every German knows that story. Would you like me to tell you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Well Broomhilda was a princess. She was the daughter of Wotan, the god of all gods. Anyway, her father is really mad at her. DJANGO What she do.? Dr.SCHULTZ I don't exactly remember. I think she disobeys him in some way. So at first he's just going to obliterate her - DJANGO Obliterate... . what does that mean? Dr.SCHULTZ Like blow up. He pantomimes a explosion. DJANGO Phew, that's pretty mad. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes it is, and like most fathers, given a little time, he calms down a bit. He's still mad at her. He still wants to punish her. Just not ... . blow her up. So instead what he does, is he puts her high on top of a mountain. DJANGO Broomhilda's on a mountain? Dr.SCHULTZ It's a German legend, there's always going to be a mountain in there somewhere. So, he puts her on top of the mountain and he puts a fire breathing dragon there to guard the mountain. And. then he surrounds her in circle of hellfire. And there Broomhilda shall remain, unless a hero arises brave enough to save her. DJANGO Does a fella arise? From now on as Dr.Schultz talks, he's beginning to realize something he wasn't aware of when the conversation started. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes Django, as a matter he does. A fella named, Sigfried. DJANGO Does Sigfried save her? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes he does, and quite spectacularly, so. Now true, he is assisted in his triumph by a truly, truly, remarkable sword, still, having said that, Sigfried triumphs over all of his obstacles not just due to his sword, but due to his courage. He scales the mountain, because he's not afraid of it. He defeats the dragon, because he's not afraid.of him. Dr.SCHULTZ (CON'T) He walks through hellfire because Broomhilda's worth. it. After that last line of dialogue... .the two men just let a moment pass as they nibble on their sandwiches. DJANGO I know how he feels. Dr.SCHULTZ I think I'm just starting to realize that. He pours Django and himself some more tea out of a fancy tea pot, as he thinks about what he's going to say next. Dr.SCHULTZ Look Django, I don't doubt one day you will save your lady love. But I'm afraid I can't let you go to Greenville in a good conscious. Let me ask you a question, how do you like the bounty hunting business? DJANGO Kill white folks, and they pay ya? What's not to like? Dr.SCHULTZ I hafta admit, we make a good team. DJANGO But I'thought you were mad at me for killin' Big John and Rodger? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes, on that occasion, you were a tad overzealous. But normally, that's a good thing. How'd you like to partner up for the winter? DJANGO What'd ya mean partner up? Dr.SCHULTZ You be my deputy, for real this time. A lot of the big money is in outlaw gangs. Some of these fellas are worth fifteen hundred or three thousand a piece. With one man, anything over three men is a risk. But with a partner? Creating cross fire? It's fish in a. barrel. A lot of these gangs hold up in the'hills for the winter. DJANGO You makin' another agreement? W7 Dr.SCHULTZ Yes. You work with me through the winter, till the snow melts. I give you a third of my bounties. And while we're together, I'll teach you a few things you're going to need to know. DJANGO Can you teach me how to make Tony do that head bow thing that Fritz can do? Dr.SCHULTZ That among other things. We make some money this winter, when the snow melts, I'll take you to Greenville myself, and we'll find where they sent your wife. I'm pretty good at finding people. Is it a deal? No white man has ever done anything for Django, just to him. So understandably, he's a little suspicious. DJANGO Why you care what happens to me? Why you care if I find my wife? Dr.SCHULTZ Well frankly, I've never given anybody their freedom before. And now that I have, I feel vaguely responsible for you. You're just not ready to go off on your own, it's that simple. You're too green, you'll get hurt. Plus when a German meets a real life Sigfried,. it's kind of a big deal. As a German, I'm obliged to help you on your quest to rescue your beloved Broomhilda. Django accepts that response. What follows is a MONTAGE covering the five months that Django and Schultz partner up as bounty hunters. Schultz wears his normal ensemble. Django wears his cool looking Green Jacket, unless it's really cold, which a lot of this Montage is. Then he still wears Ace Specks raw hide winter coat over his cool clothes. WE SEE A SCENE to be improvised (more or less), where Dr.Schultz teaches Django how to draw and shoot the pistol in the holster at his hip. By the end of the scene, after trial and error, we see Django's going to be good at this. EXT - HILLSIDE - SUNNY DAY We see Django and Dr.Schultz walking up a hill. Tony and Fritz have been left tied up downhill. Django leads a extra body HORSE (named PONCHO) behind him. Dr.Schultz carries his scope sight rifle in 'a long case. They get to the top of the hill. It overlooks a small farmhouse. Y, 8 DOWN BELOW WE SEE A LITTLE MAN struggling behind a plow, and his FIFTEEN YEAR OLD SON helping him by leading the horse forward. On top of their perch on the hill top, Dr.Schultz says; Dr.SCHULTZ Keep down or he'll see you. DJANGO Who that farmer? Who cares? Dr.SCHULTZ Well since we came here to kill 'em, he just might. DJANGO What? The little man pushin' that plow? Dr.SCHULTZ That little man pushing that plow, is Smitty Bacall. DJANGO Smitty Bacall is a farmer? Dr.SCHULTZ No. Smitty Bacall is a stagecoach robber who's hiding out as a farmer, because there's a seven thousand dollar bounty on his head. He hands Django the scope rifle case. Dr.SCHULTZ And he's all yours my boy. DJANGO lays on his belly, with the Scope Sight up to his eye. SCOPE SIGHT POV: on the Farmer struggling behind his plow, working hard with his horse and his son. Django's finger on the trigger... .but he hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Oh what happened.to mister I wanna kill white folks for money? DJANGO His son's with him. Dr.SCHULTZ Good. He'll have a loved one with him. Maybe even share a last word. That's better then most get, and a damn. sight better then he deserves. 1 9 Django still hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Put down the rifle. Don't worry, I'm not mad at you. Take out Smitty Bacall's handbill. Django removes the folded up handbill from the pocket of his tan pants. Dr.SCHULTZ Read it aloud. Consider it today's lesson. DJANGO (READING) "Wanted, dead or alive. Smitty Bacall and The Smitty Bacall Gang. For murder and stagecoach robbery. Seven thousand dollars for Smitty Bacall. One thousand and five hundred dollars for each of his gang members. Known members of The Smitty Bacall Gang are as follows, DANDY MICHAELS, GERALD NASH, and CRAZY CRAIG KOONS." Dr.SCHULTZ Well done. Bravo. THAT is who Smitty Bacall is. If Smitty Bacall wanted to start a farm at twenty-two, they would never of printed that. (REFERRING TO THE HANDBILL) But Smitty Bacall wanted to rob stagecoaches, and he didn't mind killing people to do it. You want to save your wife by doing what I do? This is what I do. I kill people, and sell their corpses for cash. His corpse is worth seven thousand dollars. Now quit your pussyfootin and shoot him. Django SHOOTS. The Little Man down below behind the plow falls down. The Young Boy doesn't know what happened at first. Then he figures'out his father was just shot. He goes to him in the dirt. Dr.SCHULTZ You need to keep that Smitty Bacall handbill. DJANGO Why? Dr.SCHULTZ It's good luck. You always keep the handbill of your first bounty. They begin walking down the hill, to collect Smitty Bacall's body, leading the extra body horse behind them. 50 As they walk down hill, they watch the little scene of Smitty Bacall's Son cradling his dying father.in his arms, the older man speaking his last words to his son before he dies. Dr.SCHULTZ See, they're having a tender little father son moment now. No doubt the most heartfelt one they've ever had. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - NIGHT It's now full on snowy winter in the hills. Django practices his quick draw against a SNOWMAN he's built. He sticks a BOTTLE in it, so the bottom of the bottle is where the snowman's heart would be. He DRAWS... Shoots the bottle heart! He DRAWS ... Shoots the left coal eye. He DRAWS ... Shoots the right coal eye. He DRAWS... Shoots the carrot nose. Dr.Schultz comes up behind him. Dr.SCHULTZ I think it's safe to say you're faster then the snowman. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - DIFFERENT NIGHT A outlaw gang known as The WILSON - LOWE GANG (five guys) ride through a snowy forest at night. When all five men and their Horses, are SHOT FROM ABOVE. DJANGO AND SCHULTZ up in a tree, FIRING DOWN ON them. EXT - WINTER MOUNTAIN TOWN MAIN STREET - NIGHT The FLAKES continue to FALL HARD as Dr.Schultz and Django ride down the main street of town, pulling poor Poncho who's FULLY LOADED DOWN with five corpses. 571 The local SHERIFF, DON GUS, watches the two men ride up, he knows them. SHERIFF GUS Doctor and Django, how the hell are ya, and who the hell ya got there? Dr.SCHULTZ The Wilson - Lowe Gang. SHERIFF GUS Who the hell's The Wilson - Lowe Gang? Dr.Schultz removes a handbill from his inside jacket pocket, and hands it down to the friendly peace officer. Dr.SCHULTZ Bad Chuck Wilson, and meaner Bobby Lowe. And three of their acolytes. SHERIFF GUS Just leave 'em out here, they ain't going nowhere. And if'in they do, god must love 'em, so who are we to say. Come outta the snowy snow and git yourself some coffee. TNT - SHERIFF GUS'S OFFICE - NIGHT The snow encrusted bounty hunters come inside the lawmans office. They exchange pleasantries about the weather as the Sheriff pours them coffee. After the two frosty gentlemen have drunk some of the hot liquid, they get down to business. As Schultz and Gus discuss the bounties, Django reads the handbills aloud from off the wall. On the third one he reads, WARREN VANDERS, and a two thousand dollar bounty, "That one", Schultz says. Django RIPS IT off the wall. As the winter has progressed, we see they've become a genuine bounty hunting team. And Django, a genuine bounty hunter. EXT - PRETTY MEADOW - DAY The snow has melted, and it's SPRING. And inside of this meadow Django practices his fast draw against five men... .by Schultz throwing FIVE COINS in the air ... DJANGO DRAWS FAST shoots three coins, FIRES again hitting another, then falls to the ground to get the fifth. He looks up from the ground at Schultz. 5L As Schultz collects the coins off the ground, he says; Dr.SCHULTZ You're pretty confident aren't you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ You have reason to be. He holds out his fist, opens his hand, the coins lay in his palm. All the coins have bullet holes dead in their center. He drops them on top of Django. DJANGO Still think I'm too green for Greenville? Dr.Schultz removes a pipe, sticks it in his mouth and says; Dr.SCHULTZ Oh you're ready for Greenville. He lights a match, then lights the pipe, puffing as he says; Dr.SCHULTZ Greenville ready for you, that I'm not so sure. He blows out the match... WE GO TO BLACK What we also saw in the above montage is Django shake off a lifetime of slavery. Django, in his green jacket, in his cowboy hat, on top of his steed Tony, with his gun hanging from his hip, has become his own man. He's not a slave anymore. He's a bounty hunter. BLACK TITLE CARD ACROSS THE SCREEN ONE LETTER AT A TIME STYLE (ala "Rocky" and "FLASHDANCE") MISSISSIPPI CUT TO EXT - THE TOWN OF GREENVILLE MISSISSIPPI - DAY The whole Main Street of Greenville is thick with five inches of shit brown mud that all the horse hooves, and wagon wheels, and slave feet have to wade through to get from one end of the town to the other. 53 We see Django and Dr.Schultz enter the town, and slosh their horses in the mud,, down the main street of Greenville Mississippi. The buying and selling of slaves is what the whole town is built around. BLACK MEN, WOMEN, and CHILDREN in BONDAGE are everywhere you look. LINES OF CHAINED SLAVES being marched one way or the other, move through the muddy streets of Greenville. WHITE MEN on horses move them along. BUCKBOARDS filled with DOMESTIC SLAVES (HOUSE NIGGERS), and pretty PONYS, driven by WHITE MEN roll through the street. A YOUNG WHITE BOY (14 years old), a shepherd, leads a bunch of SLAVE CHILDREN through town. A SHEPHERD'S DOG, HELPS HIM OUT BY MOVING THE KIDS ALONG. Impromptu slave auctions take place on almost every block. A SUBTITLE APPEARS on the bottom of the screen: GREENVILLE CHICKASAW COUNTY, MISSISSIPPI Dr.Schultz takes in this African flesh market, where human beings sell other human beings, with disgust and a little bit of shock. Django is neither disgusted or. shocked, he knows first hand how Greenville operates. As he rides Tony through town in his snappy duds, he looks'at the BLACK MEN half dressed: in chains. He REMEMBERS HIMSELF with his six Other Companions from earlier, being walked through the mud of Main Street by The Speck Brothers. On that day he might as well of been a steer. Today, with a gun on his hip, money in his pocket, in his snappy outfit, astride his steed Tony, he feels so different from these wretched half naked bastards it gives him a bit of a chill. Django sees the towns railroad depot, and across from it a huge SLAVE PEN, like a STEER CORRAL. At the moment there's no train in the depot. WE FLASH ON The TRAIN, at a earlier time, pulling into the depot. INSIDE ONE OF THE BOXCARS amidst a boxcar full of shirtless BLACK MALES, Django watches the train pull into the station, from inside the wooden slates of the boxcar.: A hatch in the roof of the boxcar is NOISILY YANKED OPEN, and TWO WHITE SLAVE TRADERS (RUSS AND JUDD), peer down at their human cargo. JUDD Good god almighty these niggers stink! I F RUSS Niggers stink, where's the shock? (to the Slaves BELOW) Okay you bucks, listen up, and listen well, I'm only gonna say this once. There's a slave corral right across from this boxcar. We gittin ready to open these doors. When we do, y'all run as fast as you can, right into that pen. 'Anyone gittin off trail, gonna get hurt and hurt bad. Now you niggers better comprehend. And that goes for any African garboons amongst y'all can't understand english ... . your American buddies better shove your ass in the right direction, or your trip to this country is going to be short, and pointless. Train to pen as fast as you can! The boxcar door is slid open, and a HUNDRED AND FIFTY BLACK MALES run full out from the train to the steer corral. We spot Django during the running. Once inside the corral, the gate is closed. COWBOYS with rifles act as prison guards. INSIDE THE CORRAL through the wooden posts, in the distance, Django watches them open up the boxcar holding the females. They do their run to their pen out of view. Django catches a quick glimpse of Broomhild.a running with the other LADIES, then she's gone from view. BACK TO DJANGO (PRESENT) Django and Dr.Schultz on top of their horses, taking in the sight of Greenville. Dr.SCHULTZ It's a spectacle out of Dante. DJANGO You should see it from the other side. Dr.SCHULTZ Frankly, I don't know if I could endure this. DJANGO You'd be surprised what you can endure. (BEAT) Where to? 675 Dr.SCHULTZ Records office. CUT TO INT - RECORDS OFFICE - DAY Dr.Schultz and Django walk into a records office, lined with books. We watch through the store front window, the black man and white man enter, and Dr.Schultz present his business card to a Dickensian looking RECORDS OFFICE WORKER. As Schultz starts his spellbinding with words routine... . The CAMERA FADES TO BLACK. BLACK TITLE CARD: BROOMHILDA INT - SLAVE PEN - DAY The same shot we saw before of Django fighting his way to the bars of the slave pen, to get a better last look of Broomhilda. Broomhilda, as before is walked by in the distance. Then, as before Django loses sight of her. EXT - MAIN STREET - GREENVILLE - DAY We follow in front of Broomhilda being lead out of the slave pen by TWO WHITE MALE SLAVERS. Her bare feet slosh in the Main Street mud, and the leg irons scrap her ankles. Up until now everything you've ever seen of Broomhilda, has only been in Django's Spaghetti Western Flashbacks. In other words, from his perspective, and memory. This is the,only time the story will shift to Broomhilda's perspective. The strong but frightened girl is led out on to the hustle and bustle, and wagon wheels and horse hoofs of Main Street. Broomhilda is not taken into that three story auction arena that Django was sold in at the beginning. Instead She's just lifted up on a parked buckboard wagon. Her SELLER (CLYDE) starts his pitch on the TWELVE or so BUYERS that watch this puny make shift auction. BROOMHILDA looks down into the crowd of twelve ugly white men, and holds her breath which one will buy her. Among the ugly white men we see Mr.HARMONY (MIKE), not quite as ugly as the rest. An older well dressed, classy gentleman. Next to him is his twenty four year old overweight awkward son SCOTTY HARMONY. Scotty in the audience, and Broomhilda on the wagon, THEIR EYES MEET, he nudges his dad. The Seller makes her expose her breasts to the small crowd. Then her back, revealing her whip marks. Then pointing out the runaway "r" branded in her cheek. Some of the crowd, including Scotty, react with repulsion at the sight of the whip marks. The Seller assures the crowd, that niggers don't feel pain like white folks, and it only makes the women more gentle. SELLER - CLYDE Fellahs, you ain't felt gentle, till you felt nigger gal gentle. UGLY MAN makes a bid. BROOMHILDA yikes. UGLIER MAN higher bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. UGLIER BY FAR GUY makes leap frog big bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. BIG GREASY FAT GUY makes a bid. BIG FAT GREASY BEAVER PELT COVERED TRAPPER makes a bid. A GIGGLING LEERING GROUP OF BROTHERS make a bid. A SEVENTY FIVE YEAR OLD INDIAN ON A MULE makes a bid. Mr.Harmony makes a bid for his son Scotty. Broomhilda notices that. And makes more eye contact with Scotty. They look at each other as Mr.Harmony continues to bid. A LITERARY NARRATOR comes on the soundtrack. NARRATOR (VO) On that day, eight months ago, the auction was won by Mike Harmony, as a birthday present for his fat boy son Scotty. Mr.Harmony congratulates his son. From on top of the buckboard Broomhilda looks down at her new owners. Later they leave for the Harmony house. Scotty lifts Broomhilda up into the back of the buckboard. He hands her a little white bag. SCOTTY This is for you. She opens the bag,candies of many colors sit in it. SCOTTY They're jelly beans. Try one. She selects a yellow one and puts it in her mouth. SCOTTY Good huh? She nods her head, yes. We see him drive the buckboard out of Greenville with Broomhilda in the back eating her bag of jelly beans. $XT - COUNTRY ROAD - DAY The buckboard makes its way down a country road. Broomhilda in the back, and Scotty driving the wagon. Scotty bought her, but he's too scared to talk to her. Broomhilda's muddy bare feet dangle off the wagon. She's beginning to realize the young master is the shy type. BROOMHILDA Master Scotty... ? SCOTTY Yes Broomhilda? BROOMHILDA I'm lonely back here. Can I come on up with you on that seat so we can talk? SCOTTY Please, I'd love that. She climbs into the driver's seat. In more ways then one. '8 EXT - THE HARMONY HOUSE - DAY A nice two story southern house. Very nice, but hardly a plantation. The household's FOUR DOMESTIC SLAVES. Broomhilda will be the fifth. The buckboard pulls up to the front of the house. Scotty's mother, Mrs.HARMONY (MARY LOUISE), waits to meet her son, and his new bought nigger gal. The older lady looks the black girl up and down and says to her; Mrs.HARMONY What's your name, gal? BROOMHILDA Broomhilda. Mrs.HARMONY Follow me. into the kitchen, ('to her son) You stay out here. INT - KITCHEN - DAY Mrs.Harmony brings Broomhilda in her kitchen. The TWO DOMESTIC SLAVES that were in, there are chased out by the boss lady. Mrs.Harmony grabs Broomhilda by the wrist, and tells her; Mrs.HARMONY I want to have a word with you, wench. You met my boy Scotty. You can tell ain't no white girl gonna fool with him. And if they do fool with him, they fool with him for the wrong reason. Boy's twenty four, he still ain't a man yet. That's why you're here. Be nice to him. He's a very sweet boy. Play him right, he'll eat bird seed out of your palm. Play 'em wrong, you'll deal with me. BROOMHILDA I like Scotty. He's just shy is all. All he needs is a little confidence. Mrs.HARMONY And you'll give that to him? BROOMHILDA I'll do my best, mam. Scotty's a real sweet boy. Mrs.HARMONY He is, isn't he? BROOMHILDA Ah-huh. The mother lets go of the young lady's wrist. 19 NARRATOR (VO) Basically The Harmony's bought a slave bride for young master Scotty that day. And the two kids had a nice time playing house for awhile. We see Scotty and Broomhilda catching butterflies in butterfly nets in the daytime.. At night they catch LIGHTNING BUGS together. At night in Scotty's bed, while the young man lay fast asleep, Broomhilda looks at her jelly jar of GLOWING LIGHTNING BUGS. NARRATOR (VO) As Scotty's sort of defacto sweetheart, if no visitors were about, Broomhilda would even join the family at their dinner table. We see them at dinner eating fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. NARRATOR.(VO) And pretty soon she was adopted into a member of the family. Mrs.Harmony and Broomhilda sewing together. The Harmony family and Broomhilda playing croquet in the front yard. After dinner, Mrs.Harmony entertaining the family by playing the piano. Mr.Harmony reading the women and his son a story from a storybook. NARRATOR (VO) Scotty was never happier. Scotty and Broomhilda walking holding hands at Southern magic hour. Broomhilda having sex with Scotty, baby talking with him, talking him through it, making him feel loved and secure. NARRATOR (VO) After three months of this bliss, Scotty decided to take Broomhilda for a romantic weekend in Greenville. SCOTTY AND BROOMHILDA drive through the Main Street of Greenville, dressed to the nines, in a fancy carriage. Broomhilda dressed in a beautiful white lace dress, complete with white lace gloves, fancy ladies hat, and white parasol. Scotty, very proud of his pretty Pony, is dressed in a fashion best described as plantation pimp daddy. 6O NARRATOR (VO) White masters would take their pretty Ponys to Greenville for a treat or romantic excursion, for two reasons-One, seeing how bad the other slaves had it, always made the papered Ponys appreciate their privilege position, (just in case they'd forgot). BROOMHILDA holding her parasol, looking like a black Daisy Miller, watches the OTHER SLAVES march by in the mud. They watch her too. INT - HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT Broomhilda and Scotty, and their luggage, move into the fancy hotel lobby, and rent a room at the front desk. INSERT: HOTEL REGISTRY Scotty signs his name. The DESK CLERKS HAND checks the box on the registry book that indicates darkee female companion. INT -. GREENVILLE - NIGHT Greenville at night is a little different. At night, RICH WHITE MASTERS showing off their Ponys (like Scotty), rule the streets. NARRATOR (VO) And two, there was a sliver of society that ran through Greenville at night that catered to white masters who were infected with a condition that was normally referred to as, "Nigger love." At night the streets, the bars, bistros, and buggy rides were ruled by rich white masters showing off their pretty Pony's. EXT - CLEOPATRA CLUB - NIGHT An establishing shot.of the three story house that has been converted into private club called, The Cleopatra Club. NARRATOR (VO) But the crown jewel of all this interracial frivolity, was the members only, Cleopatra Club. INSERT: GOLD PLAQUE with the name, THE CLEOPATRA CLUB on it, next to it is a profile of Nefertiti. 6! INT - THE CLEOPATRA CLUB - RESTAURANT - NIGHT The interracial joint is jumping (as long as by interracial you mean white men and black women). Scotty and Broomhilda are enjoying a fancy dinner in the clubs dining room. We see across the dining room, the powerful white man, CALVIN CANDIE, sitting with some White Men and some Black Ponys, eyeing Broomhilda. SCOTTY I gotta tell you Broomhilda - I don't care if I go to. hell for this - I love you. And if loving you means I go to

people

How many times the word 'people' appears in the text?

'em. SPENCER'S HORSE his hooves race and rip up the grass. SPENCER riding for his life... DJANGO scope sight rifle up to his eye. Dr.SCHULTZ He's getting out of range. DJANGO I got 'em. INSERT: A black finger squeezes the rifle trigger. SPENCER BENNETT we're behind him as he rides away, OFF SCREEN we hear the whistling of what sounds like an incoming missle. SPENCER BENNETT we're in.front of Spencer Bennett as he rides, when Django's bullet, RIPS THROUGH his CHEST. DJANGO DJANGO I got 'em. SPENCER BENNETT falls from his horse, dead. DJANGO scope sight rifle in his hand, big smile on his face, looks.to Dr.Schultz. Dr.SCHULTZ Like that, huh? Referring to the scope sight rifle; DJANGO I like. Dr.SCHULTZ Well, I think while they take this opportunity to lick their wounds, we should take this opportunity to get the fuck out of Tennessee. They hop out of the tree. MONTAGE Dr.Schultz in a big city, buying Django a new saddle. Django gets his first initial "D" etched into it. The men go to different stores to purchase Django's wardrobe. The outfit bought, is selected by Django, with suggestions offered by Schultz. When he's done, Django looks damn handsome in his new duds. Brown cowboy boots, Green Corduroy Jacket, Smokey Grey Shirt, Tan Skin Tight Pants, and Light Brown Cowboy Hat. He looks a. bit like Elvis in "Flaming Star" and a Little Joe Cartwright on "Bonanza". However, tellingly, he keeps Ace Speck's Winter Coat as his winter coat. EXT - COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY Django, sitting on his new saddle, in his new duds, rides alongside the good doctor Schultz. The German carries a PICNIC BASKET. Dr.SCHULTZ But I'm serious son, Greenville is just too dangerous for you to go fucking around there. You're a freed, slave, you should be in New York. You shouldn't be in Greenville, you shouldn't even be forty miles on any side of Greenville., You shouldn't be anywhere in Mississippi. DJANGO She's my wife, it's my job to look after her. If Greenville's where I gotta go to find out where she went, then I gotta go. Now you were sayin' where I gotta go first? Dr.SCHULTZ There'should be some sort of records office. You know when she was sold, you know where she came from, the Carrucan Plantation, and you know her name ... . what is her name? DJANGO Broomhilda. Schultz reacts. Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda? Django.nods his head yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Were her owners German? Now Django reacts, "How did he know that? DJANGO Yeah, how did you know? She wasn't born on The Carrucan Plantation. She was raised by a German mistress, The Von Shafts. She can speak a little German too. Dr.SCHULTZ Your wife? DJANGO Yeah, when she was little her mistress taught her so she'd have somebody to talk German with. Dr.SCHULTZ So let me get this straight, your slave wife speaks German, and her name is Broomhilda Von Shaft...? DJANGO Yep. Mouthful, huh? Dr.SCHULTZ To say the least. (stopping the horse) This looks like a very pretty place to have our picnic. What'd ya say, here? TIME CUT EXT - PICNIC IN COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY The two men sit on a blanket with a nice picnic spread spread out. Django eats a cucumber sandwich with the crust cut off, and drinks a cup of tea. DJANGO How did you know Broomhilda's first masters were German? Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda is a German name. If they named her, it stands to reason they'd be German. DJANGO Lotsa gals where you from named Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ No, not so much. Broomhilda is the name of a character in one of the most popular of all the German legends. DJANGO Really? There's a story 'bout Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes there is. DJANGO Do you know it? Dr.SCHULTZ Every German knows that story. Would you like me to tell you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Well Broomhilda was a princess. She was the daughter of Wotan, the god of all gods. Anyway, her father is really mad at her. DJANGO What she do.? Dr.SCHULTZ I don't exactly remember. I think she disobeys him in some way. So at first he's just going to obliterate her - DJANGO Obliterate... . what does that mean? Dr.SCHULTZ Like blow up. He pantomimes a explosion. DJANGO Phew, that's pretty mad. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes it is, and like most fathers, given a little time, he calms down a bit. He's still mad at her. He still wants to punish her. Just not ... . blow her up. So instead what he does, is he puts her high on top of a mountain. DJANGO Broomhilda's on a mountain? Dr.SCHULTZ It's a German legend, there's always going to be a mountain in there somewhere. So, he puts her on top of the mountain and he puts a fire breathing dragon there to guard the mountain. And. then he surrounds her in circle of hellfire. And there Broomhilda shall remain, unless a hero arises brave enough to save her. DJANGO Does a fella arise? From now on as Dr.Schultz talks, he's beginning to realize something he wasn't aware of when the conversation started. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes Django, as a matter he does. A fella named, Sigfried. DJANGO Does Sigfried save her? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes he does, and quite spectacularly, so. Now true, he is assisted in his triumph by a truly, truly, remarkable sword, still, having said that, Sigfried triumphs over all of his obstacles not just due to his sword, but due to his courage. He scales the mountain, because he's not afraid of it. He defeats the dragon, because he's not afraid.of him. Dr.SCHULTZ (CON'T) He walks through hellfire because Broomhilda's worth. it. After that last line of dialogue... .the two men just let a moment pass as they nibble on their sandwiches. DJANGO I know how he feels. Dr.SCHULTZ I think I'm just starting to realize that. He pours Django and himself some more tea out of a fancy tea pot, as he thinks about what he's going to say next. Dr.SCHULTZ Look Django, I don't doubt one day you will save your lady love. But I'm afraid I can't let you go to Greenville in a good conscious. Let me ask you a question, how do you like the bounty hunting business? DJANGO Kill white folks, and they pay ya? What's not to like? Dr.SCHULTZ I hafta admit, we make a good team. DJANGO But I'thought you were mad at me for killin' Big John and Rodger? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes, on that occasion, you were a tad overzealous. But normally, that's a good thing. How'd you like to partner up for the winter? DJANGO What'd ya mean partner up? Dr.SCHULTZ You be my deputy, for real this time. A lot of the big money is in outlaw gangs. Some of these fellas are worth fifteen hundred or three thousand a piece. With one man, anything over three men is a risk. But with a partner? Creating cross fire? It's fish in a. barrel. A lot of these gangs hold up in the'hills for the winter. DJANGO You makin' another agreement? W7 Dr.SCHULTZ Yes. You work with me through the winter, till the snow melts. I give you a third of my bounties. And while we're together, I'll teach you a few things you're going to need to know. DJANGO Can you teach me how to make Tony do that head bow thing that Fritz can do? Dr.SCHULTZ That among other things. We make some money this winter, when the snow melts, I'll take you to Greenville myself, and we'll find where they sent your wife. I'm pretty good at finding people. Is it a deal? No white man has ever done anything for Django, just to him. So understandably, he's a little suspicious. DJANGO Why you care what happens to me? Why you care if I find my wife? Dr.SCHULTZ Well frankly, I've never given anybody their freedom before. And now that I have, I feel vaguely responsible for you. You're just not ready to go off on your own, it's that simple. You're too green, you'll get hurt. Plus when a German meets a real life Sigfried,. it's kind of a big deal. As a German, I'm obliged to help you on your quest to rescue your beloved Broomhilda. Django accepts that response. What follows is a MONTAGE covering the five months that Django and Schultz partner up as bounty hunters. Schultz wears his normal ensemble. Django wears his cool looking Green Jacket, unless it's really cold, which a lot of this Montage is. Then he still wears Ace Specks raw hide winter coat over his cool clothes. WE SEE A SCENE to be improvised (more or less), where Dr.Schultz teaches Django how to draw and shoot the pistol in the holster at his hip. By the end of the scene, after trial and error, we see Django's going to be good at this. EXT - HILLSIDE - SUNNY DAY We see Django and Dr.Schultz walking up a hill. Tony and Fritz have been left tied up downhill. Django leads a extra body HORSE (named PONCHO) behind him. Dr.Schultz carries his scope sight rifle in 'a long case. They get to the top of the hill. It overlooks a small farmhouse. Y, 8 DOWN BELOW WE SEE A LITTLE MAN struggling behind a plow, and his FIFTEEN YEAR OLD SON helping him by leading the horse forward. On top of their perch on the hill top, Dr.Schultz says; Dr.SCHULTZ Keep down or he'll see you. DJANGO Who that farmer? Who cares? Dr.SCHULTZ Well since we came here to kill 'em, he just might. DJANGO What? The little man pushin' that plow? Dr.SCHULTZ That little man pushing that plow, is Smitty Bacall. DJANGO Smitty Bacall is a farmer? Dr.SCHULTZ No. Smitty Bacall is a stagecoach robber who's hiding out as a farmer, because there's a seven thousand dollar bounty on his head. He hands Django the scope rifle case. Dr.SCHULTZ And he's all yours my boy. DJANGO lays on his belly, with the Scope Sight up to his eye. SCOPE SIGHT POV: on the Farmer struggling behind his plow, working hard with his horse and his son. Django's finger on the trigger... .but he hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Oh what happened.to mister I wanna kill white folks for money? DJANGO His son's with him. Dr.SCHULTZ Good. He'll have a loved one with him. Maybe even share a last word. That's better then most get, and a damn. sight better then he deserves. 1 9 Django still hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Put down the rifle. Don't worry, I'm not mad at you. Take out Smitty Bacall's handbill. Django removes the folded up handbill from the pocket of his tan pants. Dr.SCHULTZ Read it aloud. Consider it today's lesson. DJANGO (READING) "Wanted, dead or alive. Smitty Bacall and The Smitty Bacall Gang. For murder and stagecoach robbery. Seven thousand dollars for Smitty Bacall. One thousand and five hundred dollars for each of his gang members. Known members of The Smitty Bacall Gang are as follows, DANDY MICHAELS, GERALD NASH, and CRAZY CRAIG KOONS." Dr.SCHULTZ Well done. Bravo. THAT is who Smitty Bacall is. If Smitty Bacall wanted to start a farm at twenty-two, they would never of printed that. (REFERRING TO THE HANDBILL) But Smitty Bacall wanted to rob stagecoaches, and he didn't mind killing people to do it. You want to save your wife by doing what I do? This is what I do. I kill people, and sell their corpses for cash. His corpse is worth seven thousand dollars. Now quit your pussyfootin and shoot him. Django SHOOTS. The Little Man down below behind the plow falls down. The Young Boy doesn't know what happened at first. Then he figures'out his father was just shot. He goes to him in the dirt. Dr.SCHULTZ You need to keep that Smitty Bacall handbill. DJANGO Why? Dr.SCHULTZ It's good luck. You always keep the handbill of your first bounty. They begin walking down the hill, to collect Smitty Bacall's body, leading the extra body horse behind them. 50 As they walk down hill, they watch the little scene of Smitty Bacall's Son cradling his dying father.in his arms, the older man speaking his last words to his son before he dies. Dr.SCHULTZ See, they're having a tender little father son moment now. No doubt the most heartfelt one they've ever had. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - NIGHT It's now full on snowy winter in the hills. Django practices his quick draw against a SNOWMAN he's built. He sticks a BOTTLE in it, so the bottom of the bottle is where the snowman's heart would be. He DRAWS... Shoots the bottle heart! He DRAWS ... Shoots the left coal eye. He DRAWS ... Shoots the right coal eye. He DRAWS... Shoots the carrot nose. Dr.Schultz comes up behind him. Dr.SCHULTZ I think it's safe to say you're faster then the snowman. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - DIFFERENT NIGHT A outlaw gang known as The WILSON - LOWE GANG (five guys) ride through a snowy forest at night. When all five men and their Horses, are SHOT FROM ABOVE. DJANGO AND SCHULTZ up in a tree, FIRING DOWN ON them. EXT - WINTER MOUNTAIN TOWN MAIN STREET - NIGHT The FLAKES continue to FALL HARD as Dr.Schultz and Django ride down the main street of town, pulling poor Poncho who's FULLY LOADED DOWN with five corpses. 571 The local SHERIFF, DON GUS, watches the two men ride up, he knows them. SHERIFF GUS Doctor and Django, how the hell are ya, and who the hell ya got there? Dr.SCHULTZ The Wilson - Lowe Gang. SHERIFF GUS Who the hell's The Wilson - Lowe Gang? Dr.Schultz removes a handbill from his inside jacket pocket, and hands it down to the friendly peace officer. Dr.SCHULTZ Bad Chuck Wilson, and meaner Bobby Lowe. And three of their acolytes. SHERIFF GUS Just leave 'em out here, they ain't going nowhere. And if'in they do, god must love 'em, so who are we to say. Come outta the snowy snow and git yourself some coffee. TNT - SHERIFF GUS'S OFFICE - NIGHT The snow encrusted bounty hunters come inside the lawmans office. They exchange pleasantries about the weather as the Sheriff pours them coffee. After the two frosty gentlemen have drunk some of the hot liquid, they get down to business. As Schultz and Gus discuss the bounties, Django reads the handbills aloud from off the wall. On the third one he reads, WARREN VANDERS, and a two thousand dollar bounty, "That one", Schultz says. Django RIPS IT off the wall. As the winter has progressed, we see they've become a genuine bounty hunting team. And Django, a genuine bounty hunter. EXT - PRETTY MEADOW - DAY The snow has melted, and it's SPRING. And inside of this meadow Django practices his fast draw against five men... .by Schultz throwing FIVE COINS in the air ... DJANGO DRAWS FAST shoots three coins, FIRES again hitting another, then falls to the ground to get the fifth. He looks up from the ground at Schultz. 5L As Schultz collects the coins off the ground, he says; Dr.SCHULTZ You're pretty confident aren't you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ You have reason to be. He holds out his fist, opens his hand, the coins lay in his palm. All the coins have bullet holes dead in their center. He drops them on top of Django. DJANGO Still think I'm too green for Greenville? Dr.Schultz removes a pipe, sticks it in his mouth and says; Dr.SCHULTZ Oh you're ready for Greenville. He lights a match, then lights the pipe, puffing as he says; Dr.SCHULTZ Greenville ready for you, that I'm not so sure. He blows out the match... WE GO TO BLACK What we also saw in the above montage is Django shake off a lifetime of slavery. Django, in his green jacket, in his cowboy hat, on top of his steed Tony, with his gun hanging from his hip, has become his own man. He's not a slave anymore. He's a bounty hunter. BLACK TITLE CARD ACROSS THE SCREEN ONE LETTER AT A TIME STYLE (ala "Rocky" and "FLASHDANCE") MISSISSIPPI CUT TO EXT - THE TOWN OF GREENVILLE MISSISSIPPI - DAY The whole Main Street of Greenville is thick with five inches of shit brown mud that all the horse hooves, and wagon wheels, and slave feet have to wade through to get from one end of the town to the other. 53 We see Django and Dr.Schultz enter the town, and slosh their horses in the mud,, down the main street of Greenville Mississippi. The buying and selling of slaves is what the whole town is built around. BLACK MEN, WOMEN, and CHILDREN in BONDAGE are everywhere you look. LINES OF CHAINED SLAVES being marched one way or the other, move through the muddy streets of Greenville. WHITE MEN on horses move them along. BUCKBOARDS filled with DOMESTIC SLAVES (HOUSE NIGGERS), and pretty PONYS, driven by WHITE MEN roll through the street. A YOUNG WHITE BOY (14 years old), a shepherd, leads a bunch of SLAVE CHILDREN through town. A SHEPHERD'S DOG, HELPS HIM OUT BY MOVING THE KIDS ALONG. Impromptu slave auctions take place on almost every block. A SUBTITLE APPEARS on the bottom of the screen: GREENVILLE CHICKASAW COUNTY, MISSISSIPPI Dr.Schultz takes in this African flesh market, where human beings sell other human beings, with disgust and a little bit of shock. Django is neither disgusted or. shocked, he knows first hand how Greenville operates. As he rides Tony through town in his snappy duds, he looks'at the BLACK MEN half dressed: in chains. He REMEMBERS HIMSELF with his six Other Companions from earlier, being walked through the mud of Main Street by The Speck Brothers. On that day he might as well of been a steer. Today, with a gun on his hip, money in his pocket, in his snappy outfit, astride his steed Tony, he feels so different from these wretched half naked bastards it gives him a bit of a chill. Django sees the towns railroad depot, and across from it a huge SLAVE PEN, like a STEER CORRAL. At the moment there's no train in the depot. WE FLASH ON The TRAIN, at a earlier time, pulling into the depot. INSIDE ONE OF THE BOXCARS amidst a boxcar full of shirtless BLACK MALES, Django watches the train pull into the station, from inside the wooden slates of the boxcar.: A hatch in the roof of the boxcar is NOISILY YANKED OPEN, and TWO WHITE SLAVE TRADERS (RUSS AND JUDD), peer down at their human cargo. JUDD Good god almighty these niggers stink! I F RUSS Niggers stink, where's the shock? (to the Slaves BELOW) Okay you bucks, listen up, and listen well, I'm only gonna say this once. There's a slave corral right across from this boxcar. We gittin ready to open these doors. When we do, y'all run as fast as you can, right into that pen. 'Anyone gittin off trail, gonna get hurt and hurt bad. Now you niggers better comprehend. And that goes for any African garboons amongst y'all can't understand english ... . your American buddies better shove your ass in the right direction, or your trip to this country is going to be short, and pointless. Train to pen as fast as you can! The boxcar door is slid open, and a HUNDRED AND FIFTY BLACK MALES run full out from the train to the steer corral. We spot Django during the running. Once inside the corral, the gate is closed. COWBOYS with rifles act as prison guards. INSIDE THE CORRAL through the wooden posts, in the distance, Django watches them open up the boxcar holding the females. They do their run to their pen out of view. Django catches a quick glimpse of Broomhild.a running with the other LADIES, then she's gone from view. BACK TO DJANGO (PRESENT) Django and Dr.Schultz on top of their horses, taking in the sight of Greenville. Dr.SCHULTZ It's a spectacle out of Dante. DJANGO You should see it from the other side. Dr.SCHULTZ Frankly, I don't know if I could endure this. DJANGO You'd be surprised what you can endure. (BEAT) Where to? 675 Dr.SCHULTZ Records office. CUT TO INT - RECORDS OFFICE - DAY Dr.Schultz and Django walk into a records office, lined with books. We watch through the store front window, the black man and white man enter, and Dr.Schultz present his business card to a Dickensian looking RECORDS OFFICE WORKER. As Schultz starts his spellbinding with words routine... . The CAMERA FADES TO BLACK. BLACK TITLE CARD: BROOMHILDA INT - SLAVE PEN - DAY The same shot we saw before of Django fighting his way to the bars of the slave pen, to get a better last look of Broomhilda. Broomhilda, as before is walked by in the distance. Then, as before Django loses sight of her. EXT - MAIN STREET - GREENVILLE - DAY We follow in front of Broomhilda being lead out of the slave pen by TWO WHITE MALE SLAVERS. Her bare feet slosh in the Main Street mud, and the leg irons scrap her ankles. Up until now everything you've ever seen of Broomhilda, has only been in Django's Spaghetti Western Flashbacks. In other words, from his perspective, and memory. This is the,only time the story will shift to Broomhilda's perspective. The strong but frightened girl is led out on to the hustle and bustle, and wagon wheels and horse hoofs of Main Street. Broomhilda is not taken into that three story auction arena that Django was sold in at the beginning. Instead She's just lifted up on a parked buckboard wagon. Her SELLER (CLYDE) starts his pitch on the TWELVE or so BUYERS that watch this puny make shift auction. BROOMHILDA looks down into the crowd of twelve ugly white men, and holds her breath which one will buy her. Among the ugly white men we see Mr.HARMONY (MIKE), not quite as ugly as the rest. An older well dressed, classy gentleman. Next to him is his twenty four year old overweight awkward son SCOTTY HARMONY. Scotty in the audience, and Broomhilda on the wagon, THEIR EYES MEET, he nudges his dad. The Seller makes her expose her breasts to the small crowd. Then her back, revealing her whip marks. Then pointing out the runaway "r" branded in her cheek. Some of the crowd, including Scotty, react with repulsion at the sight of the whip marks. The Seller assures the crowd, that niggers don't feel pain like white folks, and it only makes the women more gentle. SELLER - CLYDE Fellahs, you ain't felt gentle, till you felt nigger gal gentle. UGLY MAN makes a bid. BROOMHILDA yikes. UGLIER MAN higher bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. UGLIER BY FAR GUY makes leap frog big bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. BIG GREASY FAT GUY makes a bid. BIG FAT GREASY BEAVER PELT COVERED TRAPPER makes a bid. A GIGGLING LEERING GROUP OF BROTHERS make a bid. A SEVENTY FIVE YEAR OLD INDIAN ON A MULE makes a bid. Mr.Harmony makes a bid for his son Scotty. Broomhilda notices that. And makes more eye contact with Scotty. They look at each other as Mr.Harmony continues to bid. A LITERARY NARRATOR comes on the soundtrack. NARRATOR (VO) On that day, eight months ago, the auction was won by Mike Harmony, as a birthday present for his fat boy son Scotty. Mr.Harmony congratulates his son. From on top of the buckboard Broomhilda looks down at her new owners. Later they leave for the Harmony house. Scotty lifts Broomhilda up into the back of the buckboard. He hands her a little white bag. SCOTTY This is for you. She opens the bag,candies of many colors sit in it. SCOTTY They're jelly beans. Try one. She selects a yellow one and puts it in her mouth. SCOTTY Good huh? She nods her head, yes. We see him drive the buckboard out of Greenville with Broomhilda in the back eating her bag of jelly beans. $XT - COUNTRY ROAD - DAY The buckboard makes its way down a country road. Broomhilda in the back, and Scotty driving the wagon. Scotty bought her, but he's too scared to talk to her. Broomhilda's muddy bare feet dangle off the wagon. She's beginning to realize the young master is the shy type. BROOMHILDA Master Scotty... ? SCOTTY Yes Broomhilda? BROOMHILDA I'm lonely back here. Can I come on up with you on that seat so we can talk? SCOTTY Please, I'd love that. She climbs into the driver's seat. In more ways then one. '8 EXT - THE HARMONY HOUSE - DAY A nice two story southern house. Very nice, but hardly a plantation. The household's FOUR DOMESTIC SLAVES. Broomhilda will be the fifth. The buckboard pulls up to the front of the house. Scotty's mother, Mrs.HARMONY (MARY LOUISE), waits to meet her son, and his new bought nigger gal. The older lady looks the black girl up and down and says to her; Mrs.HARMONY What's your name, gal? BROOMHILDA Broomhilda. Mrs.HARMONY Follow me. into the kitchen, ('to her son) You stay out here. INT - KITCHEN - DAY Mrs.Harmony brings Broomhilda in her kitchen. The TWO DOMESTIC SLAVES that were in, there are chased out by the boss lady. Mrs.Harmony grabs Broomhilda by the wrist, and tells her; Mrs.HARMONY I want to have a word with you, wench. You met my boy Scotty. You can tell ain't no white girl gonna fool with him. And if they do fool with him, they fool with him for the wrong reason. Boy's twenty four, he still ain't a man yet. That's why you're here. Be nice to him. He's a very sweet boy. Play him right, he'll eat bird seed out of your palm. Play 'em wrong, you'll deal with me. BROOMHILDA I like Scotty. He's just shy is all. All he needs is a little confidence. Mrs.HARMONY And you'll give that to him? BROOMHILDA I'll do my best, mam. Scotty's a real sweet boy. Mrs.HARMONY He is, isn't he? BROOMHILDA Ah-huh. The mother lets go of the young lady's wrist. 19 NARRATOR (VO) Basically The Harmony's bought a slave bride for young master Scotty that day. And the two kids had a nice time playing house for awhile. We see Scotty and Broomhilda catching butterflies in butterfly nets in the daytime.. At night they catch LIGHTNING BUGS together. At night in Scotty's bed, while the young man lay fast asleep, Broomhilda looks at her jelly jar of GLOWING LIGHTNING BUGS. NARRATOR (VO) As Scotty's sort of defacto sweetheart, if no visitors were about, Broomhilda would even join the family at their dinner table. We see them at dinner eating fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. NARRATOR.(VO) And pretty soon she was adopted into a member of the family. Mrs.Harmony and Broomhilda sewing together. The Harmony family and Broomhilda playing croquet in the front yard. After dinner, Mrs.Harmony entertaining the family by playing the piano. Mr.Harmony reading the women and his son a story from a storybook. NARRATOR (VO) Scotty was never happier. Scotty and Broomhilda walking holding hands at Southern magic hour. Broomhilda having sex with Scotty, baby talking with him, talking him through it, making him feel loved and secure. NARRATOR (VO) After three months of this bliss, Scotty decided to take Broomhilda for a romantic weekend in Greenville. SCOTTY AND BROOMHILDA drive through the Main Street of Greenville, dressed to the nines, in a fancy carriage. Broomhilda dressed in a beautiful white lace dress, complete with white lace gloves, fancy ladies hat, and white parasol. Scotty, very proud of his pretty Pony, is dressed in a fashion best described as plantation pimp daddy. 6O NARRATOR (VO) White masters would take their pretty Ponys to Greenville for a treat or romantic excursion, for two reasons-One, seeing how bad the other slaves had it, always made the papered Ponys appreciate their privilege position, (just in case they'd forgot). BROOMHILDA holding her parasol, looking like a black Daisy Miller, watches the OTHER SLAVES march by in the mud. They watch her too. INT - HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT Broomhilda and Scotty, and their luggage, move into the fancy hotel lobby, and rent a room at the front desk. INSERT: HOTEL REGISTRY Scotty signs his name. The DESK CLERKS HAND checks the box on the registry book that indicates darkee female companion. INT -. GREENVILLE - NIGHT Greenville at night is a little different. At night, RICH WHITE MASTERS showing off their Ponys (like Scotty), rule the streets. NARRATOR (VO) And two, there was a sliver of society that ran through Greenville at night that catered to white masters who were infected with a condition that was normally referred to as, "Nigger love." At night the streets, the bars, bistros, and buggy rides were ruled by rich white masters showing off their pretty Pony's. EXT - CLEOPATRA CLUB - NIGHT An establishing shot.of the three story house that has been converted into private club called, The Cleopatra Club. NARRATOR (VO) But the crown jewel of all this interracial frivolity, was the members only, Cleopatra Club. INSERT: GOLD PLAQUE with the name, THE CLEOPATRA CLUB on it, next to it is a profile of Nefertiti. 6! INT - THE CLEOPATRA CLUB - RESTAURANT - NIGHT The interracial joint is jumping (as long as by interracial you mean white men and black women). Scotty and Broomhilda are enjoying a fancy dinner in the clubs dining room. We see across the dining room, the powerful white man, CALVIN CANDIE, sitting with some White Men and some Black Ponys, eyeing Broomhilda. SCOTTY I gotta tell you Broomhilda - I don't care if I go to. hell for this - I love you. And if loving you means I go to

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How many times the word 'bitch' appears in the text?

'em. SPENCER'S HORSE his hooves race and rip up the grass. SPENCER riding for his life... DJANGO scope sight rifle up to his eye. Dr.SCHULTZ He's getting out of range. DJANGO I got 'em. INSERT: A black finger squeezes the rifle trigger. SPENCER BENNETT we're behind him as he rides away, OFF SCREEN we hear the whistling of what sounds like an incoming missle. SPENCER BENNETT we're in.front of Spencer Bennett as he rides, when Django's bullet, RIPS THROUGH his CHEST. DJANGO DJANGO I got 'em. SPENCER BENNETT falls from his horse, dead. DJANGO scope sight rifle in his hand, big smile on his face, looks.to Dr.Schultz. Dr.SCHULTZ Like that, huh? Referring to the scope sight rifle; DJANGO I like. Dr.SCHULTZ Well, I think while they take this opportunity to lick their wounds, we should take this opportunity to get the fuck out of Tennessee. They hop out of the tree. MONTAGE Dr.Schultz in a big city, buying Django a new saddle. Django gets his first initial "D" etched into it. The men go to different stores to purchase Django's wardrobe. The outfit bought, is selected by Django, with suggestions offered by Schultz. When he's done, Django looks damn handsome in his new duds. Brown cowboy boots, Green Corduroy Jacket, Smokey Grey Shirt, Tan Skin Tight Pants, and Light Brown Cowboy Hat. He looks a. bit like Elvis in "Flaming Star" and a Little Joe Cartwright on "Bonanza". However, tellingly, he keeps Ace Speck's Winter Coat as his winter coat. EXT - COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY Django, sitting on his new saddle, in his new duds, rides alongside the good doctor Schultz. The German carries a PICNIC BASKET. Dr.SCHULTZ But I'm serious son, Greenville is just too dangerous for you to go fucking around there. You're a freed, slave, you should be in New York. You shouldn't be in Greenville, you shouldn't even be forty miles on any side of Greenville., You shouldn't be anywhere in Mississippi. DJANGO She's my wife, it's my job to look after her. If Greenville's where I gotta go to find out where she went, then I gotta go. Now you were sayin' where I gotta go first? Dr.SCHULTZ There'should be some sort of records office. You know when she was sold, you know where she came from, the Carrucan Plantation, and you know her name ... . what is her name? DJANGO Broomhilda. Schultz reacts. Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda? Django.nods his head yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Were her owners German? Now Django reacts, "How did he know that? DJANGO Yeah, how did you know? She wasn't born on The Carrucan Plantation. She was raised by a German mistress, The Von Shafts. She can speak a little German too. Dr.SCHULTZ Your wife? DJANGO Yeah, when she was little her mistress taught her so she'd have somebody to talk German with. Dr.SCHULTZ So let me get this straight, your slave wife speaks German, and her name is Broomhilda Von Shaft...? DJANGO Yep. Mouthful, huh? Dr.SCHULTZ To say the least. (stopping the horse) This looks like a very pretty place to have our picnic. What'd ya say, here? TIME CUT EXT - PICNIC IN COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY The two men sit on a blanket with a nice picnic spread spread out. Django eats a cucumber sandwich with the crust cut off, and drinks a cup of tea. DJANGO How did you know Broomhilda's first masters were German? Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda is a German name. If they named her, it stands to reason they'd be German. DJANGO Lotsa gals where you from named Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ No, not so much. Broomhilda is the name of a character in one of the most popular of all the German legends. DJANGO Really? There's a story 'bout Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes there is. DJANGO Do you know it? Dr.SCHULTZ Every German knows that story. Would you like me to tell you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Well Broomhilda was a princess. She was the daughter of Wotan, the god of all gods. Anyway, her father is really mad at her. DJANGO What she do.? Dr.SCHULTZ I don't exactly remember. I think she disobeys him in some way. So at first he's just going to obliterate her - DJANGO Obliterate... . what does that mean? Dr.SCHULTZ Like blow up. He pantomimes a explosion. DJANGO Phew, that's pretty mad. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes it is, and like most fathers, given a little time, he calms down a bit. He's still mad at her. He still wants to punish her. Just not ... . blow her up. So instead what he does, is he puts her high on top of a mountain. DJANGO Broomhilda's on a mountain? Dr.SCHULTZ It's a German legend, there's always going to be a mountain in there somewhere. So, he puts her on top of the mountain and he puts a fire breathing dragon there to guard the mountain. And. then he surrounds her in circle of hellfire. And there Broomhilda shall remain, unless a hero arises brave enough to save her. DJANGO Does a fella arise? From now on as Dr.Schultz talks, he's beginning to realize something he wasn't aware of when the conversation started. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes Django, as a matter he does. A fella named, Sigfried. DJANGO Does Sigfried save her? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes he does, and quite spectacularly, so. Now true, he is assisted in his triumph by a truly, truly, remarkable sword, still, having said that, Sigfried triumphs over all of his obstacles not just due to his sword, but due to his courage. He scales the mountain, because he's not afraid of it. He defeats the dragon, because he's not afraid.of him. Dr.SCHULTZ (CON'T) He walks through hellfire because Broomhilda's worth. it. After that last line of dialogue... .the two men just let a moment pass as they nibble on their sandwiches. DJANGO I know how he feels. Dr.SCHULTZ I think I'm just starting to realize that. He pours Django and himself some more tea out of a fancy tea pot, as he thinks about what he's going to say next. Dr.SCHULTZ Look Django, I don't doubt one day you will save your lady love. But I'm afraid I can't let you go to Greenville in a good conscious. Let me ask you a question, how do you like the bounty hunting business? DJANGO Kill white folks, and they pay ya? What's not to like? Dr.SCHULTZ I hafta admit, we make a good team. DJANGO But I'thought you were mad at me for killin' Big John and Rodger? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes, on that occasion, you were a tad overzealous. But normally, that's a good thing. How'd you like to partner up for the winter? DJANGO What'd ya mean partner up? Dr.SCHULTZ You be my deputy, for real this time. A lot of the big money is in outlaw gangs. Some of these fellas are worth fifteen hundred or three thousand a piece. With one man, anything over three men is a risk. But with a partner? Creating cross fire? It's fish in a. barrel. A lot of these gangs hold up in the'hills for the winter. DJANGO You makin' another agreement? W7 Dr.SCHULTZ Yes. You work with me through the winter, till the snow melts. I give you a third of my bounties. And while we're together, I'll teach you a few things you're going to need to know. DJANGO Can you teach me how to make Tony do that head bow thing that Fritz can do? Dr.SCHULTZ That among other things. We make some money this winter, when the snow melts, I'll take you to Greenville myself, and we'll find where they sent your wife. I'm pretty good at finding people. Is it a deal? No white man has ever done anything for Django, just to him. So understandably, he's a little suspicious. DJANGO Why you care what happens to me? Why you care if I find my wife? Dr.SCHULTZ Well frankly, I've never given anybody their freedom before. And now that I have, I feel vaguely responsible for you. You're just not ready to go off on your own, it's that simple. You're too green, you'll get hurt. Plus when a German meets a real life Sigfried,. it's kind of a big deal. As a German, I'm obliged to help you on your quest to rescue your beloved Broomhilda. Django accepts that response. What follows is a MONTAGE covering the five months that Django and Schultz partner up as bounty hunters. Schultz wears his normal ensemble. Django wears his cool looking Green Jacket, unless it's really cold, which a lot of this Montage is. Then he still wears Ace Specks raw hide winter coat over his cool clothes. WE SEE A SCENE to be improvised (more or less), where Dr.Schultz teaches Django how to draw and shoot the pistol in the holster at his hip. By the end of the scene, after trial and error, we see Django's going to be good at this. EXT - HILLSIDE - SUNNY DAY We see Django and Dr.Schultz walking up a hill. Tony and Fritz have been left tied up downhill. Django leads a extra body HORSE (named PONCHO) behind him. Dr.Schultz carries his scope sight rifle in 'a long case. They get to the top of the hill. It overlooks a small farmhouse. Y, 8 DOWN BELOW WE SEE A LITTLE MAN struggling behind a plow, and his FIFTEEN YEAR OLD SON helping him by leading the horse forward. On top of their perch on the hill top, Dr.Schultz says; Dr.SCHULTZ Keep down or he'll see you. DJANGO Who that farmer? Who cares? Dr.SCHULTZ Well since we came here to kill 'em, he just might. DJANGO What? The little man pushin' that plow? Dr.SCHULTZ That little man pushing that plow, is Smitty Bacall. DJANGO Smitty Bacall is a farmer? Dr.SCHULTZ No. Smitty Bacall is a stagecoach robber who's hiding out as a farmer, because there's a seven thousand dollar bounty on his head. He hands Django the scope rifle case. Dr.SCHULTZ And he's all yours my boy. DJANGO lays on his belly, with the Scope Sight up to his eye. SCOPE SIGHT POV: on the Farmer struggling behind his plow, working hard with his horse and his son. Django's finger on the trigger... .but he hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Oh what happened.to mister I wanna kill white folks for money? DJANGO His son's with him. Dr.SCHULTZ Good. He'll have a loved one with him. Maybe even share a last word. That's better then most get, and a damn. sight better then he deserves. 1 9 Django still hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Put down the rifle. Don't worry, I'm not mad at you. Take out Smitty Bacall's handbill. Django removes the folded up handbill from the pocket of his tan pants. Dr.SCHULTZ Read it aloud. Consider it today's lesson. DJANGO (READING) "Wanted, dead or alive. Smitty Bacall and The Smitty Bacall Gang. For murder and stagecoach robbery. Seven thousand dollars for Smitty Bacall. One thousand and five hundred dollars for each of his gang members. Known members of The Smitty Bacall Gang are as follows, DANDY MICHAELS, GERALD NASH, and CRAZY CRAIG KOONS." Dr.SCHULTZ Well done. Bravo. THAT is who Smitty Bacall is. If Smitty Bacall wanted to start a farm at twenty-two, they would never of printed that. (REFERRING TO THE HANDBILL) But Smitty Bacall wanted to rob stagecoaches, and he didn't mind killing people to do it. You want to save your wife by doing what I do? This is what I do. I kill people, and sell their corpses for cash. His corpse is worth seven thousand dollars. Now quit your pussyfootin and shoot him. Django SHOOTS. The Little Man down below behind the plow falls down. The Young Boy doesn't know what happened at first. Then he figures'out his father was just shot. He goes to him in the dirt. Dr.SCHULTZ You need to keep that Smitty Bacall handbill. DJANGO Why? Dr.SCHULTZ It's good luck. You always keep the handbill of your first bounty. They begin walking down the hill, to collect Smitty Bacall's body, leading the extra body horse behind them. 50 As they walk down hill, they watch the little scene of Smitty Bacall's Son cradling his dying father.in his arms, the older man speaking his last words to his son before he dies. Dr.SCHULTZ See, they're having a tender little father son moment now. No doubt the most heartfelt one they've ever had. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - NIGHT It's now full on snowy winter in the hills. Django practices his quick draw against a SNOWMAN he's built. He sticks a BOTTLE in it, so the bottom of the bottle is where the snowman's heart would be. He DRAWS... Shoots the bottle heart! He DRAWS ... Shoots the left coal eye. He DRAWS ... Shoots the right coal eye. He DRAWS... Shoots the carrot nose. Dr.Schultz comes up behind him. Dr.SCHULTZ I think it's safe to say you're faster then the snowman. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - DIFFERENT NIGHT A outlaw gang known as The WILSON - LOWE GANG (five guys) ride through a snowy forest at night. When all five men and their Horses, are SHOT FROM ABOVE. DJANGO AND SCHULTZ up in a tree, FIRING DOWN ON them. EXT - WINTER MOUNTAIN TOWN MAIN STREET - NIGHT The FLAKES continue to FALL HARD as Dr.Schultz and Django ride down the main street of town, pulling poor Poncho who's FULLY LOADED DOWN with five corpses. 571 The local SHERIFF, DON GUS, watches the two men ride up, he knows them. SHERIFF GUS Doctor and Django, how the hell are ya, and who the hell ya got there? Dr.SCHULTZ The Wilson - Lowe Gang. SHERIFF GUS Who the hell's The Wilson - Lowe Gang? Dr.Schultz removes a handbill from his inside jacket pocket, and hands it down to the friendly peace officer. Dr.SCHULTZ Bad Chuck Wilson, and meaner Bobby Lowe. And three of their acolytes. SHERIFF GUS Just leave 'em out here, they ain't going nowhere. And if'in they do, god must love 'em, so who are we to say. Come outta the snowy snow and git yourself some coffee. TNT - SHERIFF GUS'S OFFICE - NIGHT The snow encrusted bounty hunters come inside the lawmans office. They exchange pleasantries about the weather as the Sheriff pours them coffee. After the two frosty gentlemen have drunk some of the hot liquid, they get down to business. As Schultz and Gus discuss the bounties, Django reads the handbills aloud from off the wall. On the third one he reads, WARREN VANDERS, and a two thousand dollar bounty, "That one", Schultz says. Django RIPS IT off the wall. As the winter has progressed, we see they've become a genuine bounty hunting team. And Django, a genuine bounty hunter. EXT - PRETTY MEADOW - DAY The snow has melted, and it's SPRING. And inside of this meadow Django practices his fast draw against five men... .by Schultz throwing FIVE COINS in the air ... DJANGO DRAWS FAST shoots three coins, FIRES again hitting another, then falls to the ground to get the fifth. He looks up from the ground at Schultz. 5L As Schultz collects the coins off the ground, he says; Dr.SCHULTZ You're pretty confident aren't you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ You have reason to be. He holds out his fist, opens his hand, the coins lay in his palm. All the coins have bullet holes dead in their center. He drops them on top of Django. DJANGO Still think I'm too green for Greenville? Dr.Schultz removes a pipe, sticks it in his mouth and says; Dr.SCHULTZ Oh you're ready for Greenville. He lights a match, then lights the pipe, puffing as he says; Dr.SCHULTZ Greenville ready for you, that I'm not so sure. He blows out the match... WE GO TO BLACK What we also saw in the above montage is Django shake off a lifetime of slavery. Django, in his green jacket, in his cowboy hat, on top of his steed Tony, with his gun hanging from his hip, has become his own man. He's not a slave anymore. He's a bounty hunter. BLACK TITLE CARD ACROSS THE SCREEN ONE LETTER AT A TIME STYLE (ala "Rocky" and "FLASHDANCE") MISSISSIPPI CUT TO EXT - THE TOWN OF GREENVILLE MISSISSIPPI - DAY The whole Main Street of Greenville is thick with five inches of shit brown mud that all the horse hooves, and wagon wheels, and slave feet have to wade through to get from one end of the town to the other. 53 We see Django and Dr.Schultz enter the town, and slosh their horses in the mud,, down the main street of Greenville Mississippi. The buying and selling of slaves is what the whole town is built around. BLACK MEN, WOMEN, and CHILDREN in BONDAGE are everywhere you look. LINES OF CHAINED SLAVES being marched one way or the other, move through the muddy streets of Greenville. WHITE MEN on horses move them along. BUCKBOARDS filled with DOMESTIC SLAVES (HOUSE NIGGERS), and pretty PONYS, driven by WHITE MEN roll through the street. A YOUNG WHITE BOY (14 years old), a shepherd, leads a bunch of SLAVE CHILDREN through town. A SHEPHERD'S DOG, HELPS HIM OUT BY MOVING THE KIDS ALONG. Impromptu slave auctions take place on almost every block. A SUBTITLE APPEARS on the bottom of the screen: GREENVILLE CHICKASAW COUNTY, MISSISSIPPI Dr.Schultz takes in this African flesh market, where human beings sell other human beings, with disgust and a little bit of shock. Django is neither disgusted or. shocked, he knows first hand how Greenville operates. As he rides Tony through town in his snappy duds, he looks'at the BLACK MEN half dressed: in chains. He REMEMBERS HIMSELF with his six Other Companions from earlier, being walked through the mud of Main Street by The Speck Brothers. On that day he might as well of been a steer. Today, with a gun on his hip, money in his pocket, in his snappy outfit, astride his steed Tony, he feels so different from these wretched half naked bastards it gives him a bit of a chill. Django sees the towns railroad depot, and across from it a huge SLAVE PEN, like a STEER CORRAL. At the moment there's no train in the depot. WE FLASH ON The TRAIN, at a earlier time, pulling into the depot. INSIDE ONE OF THE BOXCARS amidst a boxcar full of shirtless BLACK MALES, Django watches the train pull into the station, from inside the wooden slates of the boxcar.: A hatch in the roof of the boxcar is NOISILY YANKED OPEN, and TWO WHITE SLAVE TRADERS (RUSS AND JUDD), peer down at their human cargo. JUDD Good god almighty these niggers stink! I F RUSS Niggers stink, where's the shock? (to the Slaves BELOW) Okay you bucks, listen up, and listen well, I'm only gonna say this once. There's a slave corral right across from this boxcar. We gittin ready to open these doors. When we do, y'all run as fast as you can, right into that pen. 'Anyone gittin off trail, gonna get hurt and hurt bad. Now you niggers better comprehend. And that goes for any African garboons amongst y'all can't understand english ... . your American buddies better shove your ass in the right direction, or your trip to this country is going to be short, and pointless. Train to pen as fast as you can! The boxcar door is slid open, and a HUNDRED AND FIFTY BLACK MALES run full out from the train to the steer corral. We spot Django during the running. Once inside the corral, the gate is closed. COWBOYS with rifles act as prison guards. INSIDE THE CORRAL through the wooden posts, in the distance, Django watches them open up the boxcar holding the females. They do their run to their pen out of view. Django catches a quick glimpse of Broomhild.a running with the other LADIES, then she's gone from view. BACK TO DJANGO (PRESENT) Django and Dr.Schultz on top of their horses, taking in the sight of Greenville. Dr.SCHULTZ It's a spectacle out of Dante. DJANGO You should see it from the other side. Dr.SCHULTZ Frankly, I don't know if I could endure this. DJANGO You'd be surprised what you can endure. (BEAT) Where to? 675 Dr.SCHULTZ Records office. CUT TO INT - RECORDS OFFICE - DAY Dr.Schultz and Django walk into a records office, lined with books. We watch through the store front window, the black man and white man enter, and Dr.Schultz present his business card to a Dickensian looking RECORDS OFFICE WORKER. As Schultz starts his spellbinding with words routine... . The CAMERA FADES TO BLACK. BLACK TITLE CARD: BROOMHILDA INT - SLAVE PEN - DAY The same shot we saw before of Django fighting his way to the bars of the slave pen, to get a better last look of Broomhilda. Broomhilda, as before is walked by in the distance. Then, as before Django loses sight of her. EXT - MAIN STREET - GREENVILLE - DAY We follow in front of Broomhilda being lead out of the slave pen by TWO WHITE MALE SLAVERS. Her bare feet slosh in the Main Street mud, and the leg irons scrap her ankles. Up until now everything you've ever seen of Broomhilda, has only been in Django's Spaghetti Western Flashbacks. In other words, from his perspective, and memory. This is the,only time the story will shift to Broomhilda's perspective. The strong but frightened girl is led out on to the hustle and bustle, and wagon wheels and horse hoofs of Main Street. Broomhilda is not taken into that three story auction arena that Django was sold in at the beginning. Instead She's just lifted up on a parked buckboard wagon. Her SELLER (CLYDE) starts his pitch on the TWELVE or so BUYERS that watch this puny make shift auction. BROOMHILDA looks down into the crowd of twelve ugly white men, and holds her breath which one will buy her. Among the ugly white men we see Mr.HARMONY (MIKE), not quite as ugly as the rest. An older well dressed, classy gentleman. Next to him is his twenty four year old overweight awkward son SCOTTY HARMONY. Scotty in the audience, and Broomhilda on the wagon, THEIR EYES MEET, he nudges his dad. The Seller makes her expose her breasts to the small crowd. Then her back, revealing her whip marks. Then pointing out the runaway "r" branded in her cheek. Some of the crowd, including Scotty, react with repulsion at the sight of the whip marks. The Seller assures the crowd, that niggers don't feel pain like white folks, and it only makes the women more gentle. SELLER - CLYDE Fellahs, you ain't felt gentle, till you felt nigger gal gentle. UGLY MAN makes a bid. BROOMHILDA yikes. UGLIER MAN higher bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. UGLIER BY FAR GUY makes leap frog big bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. BIG GREASY FAT GUY makes a bid. BIG FAT GREASY BEAVER PELT COVERED TRAPPER makes a bid. A GIGGLING LEERING GROUP OF BROTHERS make a bid. A SEVENTY FIVE YEAR OLD INDIAN ON A MULE makes a bid. Mr.Harmony makes a bid for his son Scotty. Broomhilda notices that. And makes more eye contact with Scotty. They look at each other as Mr.Harmony continues to bid. A LITERARY NARRATOR comes on the soundtrack. NARRATOR (VO) On that day, eight months ago, the auction was won by Mike Harmony, as a birthday present for his fat boy son Scotty. Mr.Harmony congratulates his son. From on top of the buckboard Broomhilda looks down at her new owners. Later they leave for the Harmony house. Scotty lifts Broomhilda up into the back of the buckboard. He hands her a little white bag. SCOTTY This is for you. She opens the bag,candies of many colors sit in it. SCOTTY They're jelly beans. Try one. She selects a yellow one and puts it in her mouth. SCOTTY Good huh? She nods her head, yes. We see him drive the buckboard out of Greenville with Broomhilda in the back eating her bag of jelly beans. $XT - COUNTRY ROAD - DAY The buckboard makes its way down a country road. Broomhilda in the back, and Scotty driving the wagon. Scotty bought her, but he's too scared to talk to her. Broomhilda's muddy bare feet dangle off the wagon. She's beginning to realize the young master is the shy type. BROOMHILDA Master Scotty... ? SCOTTY Yes Broomhilda? BROOMHILDA I'm lonely back here. Can I come on up with you on that seat so we can talk? SCOTTY Please, I'd love that. She climbs into the driver's seat. In more ways then one. '8 EXT - THE HARMONY HOUSE - DAY A nice two story southern house. Very nice, but hardly a plantation. The household's FOUR DOMESTIC SLAVES. Broomhilda will be the fifth. The buckboard pulls up to the front of the house. Scotty's mother, Mrs.HARMONY (MARY LOUISE), waits to meet her son, and his new bought nigger gal. The older lady looks the black girl up and down and says to her; Mrs.HARMONY What's your name, gal? BROOMHILDA Broomhilda. Mrs.HARMONY Follow me. into the kitchen, ('to her son) You stay out here. INT - KITCHEN - DAY Mrs.Harmony brings Broomhilda in her kitchen. The TWO DOMESTIC SLAVES that were in, there are chased out by the boss lady. Mrs.Harmony grabs Broomhilda by the wrist, and tells her; Mrs.HARMONY I want to have a word with you, wench. You met my boy Scotty. You can tell ain't no white girl gonna fool with him. And if they do fool with him, they fool with him for the wrong reason. Boy's twenty four, he still ain't a man yet. That's why you're here. Be nice to him. He's a very sweet boy. Play him right, he'll eat bird seed out of your palm. Play 'em wrong, you'll deal with me. BROOMHILDA I like Scotty. He's just shy is all. All he needs is a little confidence. Mrs.HARMONY And you'll give that to him? BROOMHILDA I'll do my best, mam. Scotty's a real sweet boy. Mrs.HARMONY He is, isn't he? BROOMHILDA Ah-huh. The mother lets go of the young lady's wrist. 19 NARRATOR (VO) Basically The Harmony's bought a slave bride for young master Scotty that day. And the two kids had a nice time playing house for awhile. We see Scotty and Broomhilda catching butterflies in butterfly nets in the daytime.. At night they catch LIGHTNING BUGS together. At night in Scotty's bed, while the young man lay fast asleep, Broomhilda looks at her jelly jar of GLOWING LIGHTNING BUGS. NARRATOR (VO) As Scotty's sort of defacto sweetheart, if no visitors were about, Broomhilda would even join the family at their dinner table. We see them at dinner eating fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. NARRATOR.(VO) And pretty soon she was adopted into a member of the family. Mrs.Harmony and Broomhilda sewing together. The Harmony family and Broomhilda playing croquet in the front yard. After dinner, Mrs.Harmony entertaining the family by playing the piano. Mr.Harmony reading the women and his son a story from a storybook. NARRATOR (VO) Scotty was never happier. Scotty and Broomhilda walking holding hands at Southern magic hour. Broomhilda having sex with Scotty, baby talking with him, talking him through it, making him feel loved and secure. NARRATOR (VO) After three months of this bliss, Scotty decided to take Broomhilda for a romantic weekend in Greenville. SCOTTY AND BROOMHILDA drive through the Main Street of Greenville, dressed to the nines, in a fancy carriage. Broomhilda dressed in a beautiful white lace dress, complete with white lace gloves, fancy ladies hat, and white parasol. Scotty, very proud of his pretty Pony, is dressed in a fashion best described as plantation pimp daddy. 6O NARRATOR (VO) White masters would take their pretty Ponys to Greenville for a treat or romantic excursion, for two reasons-One, seeing how bad the other slaves had it, always made the papered Ponys appreciate their privilege position, (just in case they'd forgot). BROOMHILDA holding her parasol, looking like a black Daisy Miller, watches the OTHER SLAVES march by in the mud. They watch her too. INT - HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT Broomhilda and Scotty, and their luggage, move into the fancy hotel lobby, and rent a room at the front desk. INSERT: HOTEL REGISTRY Scotty signs his name. The DESK CLERKS HAND checks the box on the registry book that indicates darkee female companion. INT -. GREENVILLE - NIGHT Greenville at night is a little different. At night, RICH WHITE MASTERS showing off their Ponys (like Scotty), rule the streets. NARRATOR (VO) And two, there was a sliver of society that ran through Greenville at night that catered to white masters who were infected with a condition that was normally referred to as, "Nigger love." At night the streets, the bars, bistros, and buggy rides were ruled by rich white masters showing off their pretty Pony's. EXT - CLEOPATRA CLUB - NIGHT An establishing shot.of the three story house that has been converted into private club called, The Cleopatra Club. NARRATOR (VO) But the crown jewel of all this interracial frivolity, was the members only, Cleopatra Club. INSERT: GOLD PLAQUE with the name, THE CLEOPATRA CLUB on it, next to it is a profile of Nefertiti. 6! INT - THE CLEOPATRA CLUB - RESTAURANT - NIGHT The interracial joint is jumping (as long as by interracial you mean white men and black women). Scotty and Broomhilda are enjoying a fancy dinner in the clubs dining room. We see across the dining room, the powerful white man, CALVIN CANDIE, sitting with some White Men and some Black Ponys, eyeing Broomhilda. SCOTTY I gotta tell you Broomhilda - I don't care if I go to. hell for this - I love you. And if loving you means I go to

came

How many times the word 'came' appears in the text?

'em. SPENCER'S HORSE his hooves race and rip up the grass. SPENCER riding for his life... DJANGO scope sight rifle up to his eye. Dr.SCHULTZ He's getting out of range. DJANGO I got 'em. INSERT: A black finger squeezes the rifle trigger. SPENCER BENNETT we're behind him as he rides away, OFF SCREEN we hear the whistling of what sounds like an incoming missle. SPENCER BENNETT we're in.front of Spencer Bennett as he rides, when Django's bullet, RIPS THROUGH his CHEST. DJANGO DJANGO I got 'em. SPENCER BENNETT falls from his horse, dead. DJANGO scope sight rifle in his hand, big smile on his face, looks.to Dr.Schultz. Dr.SCHULTZ Like that, huh? Referring to the scope sight rifle; DJANGO I like. Dr.SCHULTZ Well, I think while they take this opportunity to lick their wounds, we should take this opportunity to get the fuck out of Tennessee. They hop out of the tree. MONTAGE Dr.Schultz in a big city, buying Django a new saddle. Django gets his first initial "D" etched into it. The men go to different stores to purchase Django's wardrobe. The outfit bought, is selected by Django, with suggestions offered by Schultz. When he's done, Django looks damn handsome in his new duds. Brown cowboy boots, Green Corduroy Jacket, Smokey Grey Shirt, Tan Skin Tight Pants, and Light Brown Cowboy Hat. He looks a. bit like Elvis in "Flaming Star" and a Little Joe Cartwright on "Bonanza". However, tellingly, he keeps Ace Speck's Winter Coat as his winter coat. EXT - COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY Django, sitting on his new saddle, in his new duds, rides alongside the good doctor Schultz. The German carries a PICNIC BASKET. Dr.SCHULTZ But I'm serious son, Greenville is just too dangerous for you to go fucking around there. You're a freed, slave, you should be in New York. You shouldn't be in Greenville, you shouldn't even be forty miles on any side of Greenville., You shouldn't be anywhere in Mississippi. DJANGO She's my wife, it's my job to look after her. If Greenville's where I gotta go to find out where she went, then I gotta go. Now you were sayin' where I gotta go first? Dr.SCHULTZ There'should be some sort of records office. You know when she was sold, you know where she came from, the Carrucan Plantation, and you know her name ... . what is her name? DJANGO Broomhilda. Schultz reacts. Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda? Django.nods his head yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Were her owners German? Now Django reacts, "How did he know that? DJANGO Yeah, how did you know? She wasn't born on The Carrucan Plantation. She was raised by a German mistress, The Von Shafts. She can speak a little German too. Dr.SCHULTZ Your wife? DJANGO Yeah, when she was little her mistress taught her so she'd have somebody to talk German with. Dr.SCHULTZ So let me get this straight, your slave wife speaks German, and her name is Broomhilda Von Shaft...? DJANGO Yep. Mouthful, huh? Dr.SCHULTZ To say the least. (stopping the horse) This looks like a very pretty place to have our picnic. What'd ya say, here? TIME CUT EXT - PICNIC IN COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY The two men sit on a blanket with a nice picnic spread spread out. Django eats a cucumber sandwich with the crust cut off, and drinks a cup of tea. DJANGO How did you know Broomhilda's first masters were German? Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda is a German name. If they named her, it stands to reason they'd be German. DJANGO Lotsa gals where you from named Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ No, not so much. Broomhilda is the name of a character in one of the most popular of all the German legends. DJANGO Really? There's a story 'bout Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes there is. DJANGO Do you know it? Dr.SCHULTZ Every German knows that story. Would you like me to tell you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Well Broomhilda was a princess. She was the daughter of Wotan, the god of all gods. Anyway, her father is really mad at her. DJANGO What she do.? Dr.SCHULTZ I don't exactly remember. I think she disobeys him in some way. So at first he's just going to obliterate her - DJANGO Obliterate... . what does that mean? Dr.SCHULTZ Like blow up. He pantomimes a explosion. DJANGO Phew, that's pretty mad. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes it is, and like most fathers, given a little time, he calms down a bit. He's still mad at her. He still wants to punish her. Just not ... . blow her up. So instead what he does, is he puts her high on top of a mountain. DJANGO Broomhilda's on a mountain? Dr.SCHULTZ It's a German legend, there's always going to be a mountain in there somewhere. So, he puts her on top of the mountain and he puts a fire breathing dragon there to guard the mountain. And. then he surrounds her in circle of hellfire. And there Broomhilda shall remain, unless a hero arises brave enough to save her. DJANGO Does a fella arise? From now on as Dr.Schultz talks, he's beginning to realize something he wasn't aware of when the conversation started. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes Django, as a matter he does. A fella named, Sigfried. DJANGO Does Sigfried save her? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes he does, and quite spectacularly, so. Now true, he is assisted in his triumph by a truly, truly, remarkable sword, still, having said that, Sigfried triumphs over all of his obstacles not just due to his sword, but due to his courage. He scales the mountain, because he's not afraid of it. He defeats the dragon, because he's not afraid.of him. Dr.SCHULTZ (CON'T) He walks through hellfire because Broomhilda's worth. it. After that last line of dialogue... .the two men just let a moment pass as they nibble on their sandwiches. DJANGO I know how he feels. Dr.SCHULTZ I think I'm just starting to realize that. He pours Django and himself some more tea out of a fancy tea pot, as he thinks about what he's going to say next. Dr.SCHULTZ Look Django, I don't doubt one day you will save your lady love. But I'm afraid I can't let you go to Greenville in a good conscious. Let me ask you a question, how do you like the bounty hunting business? DJANGO Kill white folks, and they pay ya? What's not to like? Dr.SCHULTZ I hafta admit, we make a good team. DJANGO But I'thought you were mad at me for killin' Big John and Rodger? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes, on that occasion, you were a tad overzealous. But normally, that's a good thing. How'd you like to partner up for the winter? DJANGO What'd ya mean partner up? Dr.SCHULTZ You be my deputy, for real this time. A lot of the big money is in outlaw gangs. Some of these fellas are worth fifteen hundred or three thousand a piece. With one man, anything over three men is a risk. But with a partner? Creating cross fire? It's fish in a. barrel. A lot of these gangs hold up in the'hills for the winter. DJANGO You makin' another agreement? W7 Dr.SCHULTZ Yes. You work with me through the winter, till the snow melts. I give you a third of my bounties. And while we're together, I'll teach you a few things you're going to need to know. DJANGO Can you teach me how to make Tony do that head bow thing that Fritz can do? Dr.SCHULTZ That among other things. We make some money this winter, when the snow melts, I'll take you to Greenville myself, and we'll find where they sent your wife. I'm pretty good at finding people. Is it a deal? No white man has ever done anything for Django, just to him. So understandably, he's a little suspicious. DJANGO Why you care what happens to me? Why you care if I find my wife? Dr.SCHULTZ Well frankly, I've never given anybody their freedom before. And now that I have, I feel vaguely responsible for you. You're just not ready to go off on your own, it's that simple. You're too green, you'll get hurt. Plus when a German meets a real life Sigfried,. it's kind of a big deal. As a German, I'm obliged to help you on your quest to rescue your beloved Broomhilda. Django accepts that response. What follows is a MONTAGE covering the five months that Django and Schultz partner up as bounty hunters. Schultz wears his normal ensemble. Django wears his cool looking Green Jacket, unless it's really cold, which a lot of this Montage is. Then he still wears Ace Specks raw hide winter coat over his cool clothes. WE SEE A SCENE to be improvised (more or less), where Dr.Schultz teaches Django how to draw and shoot the pistol in the holster at his hip. By the end of the scene, after trial and error, we see Django's going to be good at this. EXT - HILLSIDE - SUNNY DAY We see Django and Dr.Schultz walking up a hill. Tony and Fritz have been left tied up downhill. Django leads a extra body HORSE (named PONCHO) behind him. Dr.Schultz carries his scope sight rifle in 'a long case. They get to the top of the hill. It overlooks a small farmhouse. Y, 8 DOWN BELOW WE SEE A LITTLE MAN struggling behind a plow, and his FIFTEEN YEAR OLD SON helping him by leading the horse forward. On top of their perch on the hill top, Dr.Schultz says; Dr.SCHULTZ Keep down or he'll see you. DJANGO Who that farmer? Who cares? Dr.SCHULTZ Well since we came here to kill 'em, he just might. DJANGO What? The little man pushin' that plow? Dr.SCHULTZ That little man pushing that plow, is Smitty Bacall. DJANGO Smitty Bacall is a farmer? Dr.SCHULTZ No. Smitty Bacall is a stagecoach robber who's hiding out as a farmer, because there's a seven thousand dollar bounty on his head. He hands Django the scope rifle case. Dr.SCHULTZ And he's all yours my boy. DJANGO lays on his belly, with the Scope Sight up to his eye. SCOPE SIGHT POV: on the Farmer struggling behind his plow, working hard with his horse and his son. Django's finger on the trigger... .but he hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Oh what happened.to mister I wanna kill white folks for money? DJANGO His son's with him. Dr.SCHULTZ Good. He'll have a loved one with him. Maybe even share a last word. That's better then most get, and a damn. sight better then he deserves. 1 9 Django still hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Put down the rifle. Don't worry, I'm not mad at you. Take out Smitty Bacall's handbill. Django removes the folded up handbill from the pocket of his tan pants. Dr.SCHULTZ Read it aloud. Consider it today's lesson. DJANGO (READING) "Wanted, dead or alive. Smitty Bacall and The Smitty Bacall Gang. For murder and stagecoach robbery. Seven thousand dollars for Smitty Bacall. One thousand and five hundred dollars for each of his gang members. Known members of The Smitty Bacall Gang are as follows, DANDY MICHAELS, GERALD NASH, and CRAZY CRAIG KOONS." Dr.SCHULTZ Well done. Bravo. THAT is who Smitty Bacall is. If Smitty Bacall wanted to start a farm at twenty-two, they would never of printed that. (REFERRING TO THE HANDBILL) But Smitty Bacall wanted to rob stagecoaches, and he didn't mind killing people to do it. You want to save your wife by doing what I do? This is what I do. I kill people, and sell their corpses for cash. His corpse is worth seven thousand dollars. Now quit your pussyfootin and shoot him. Django SHOOTS. The Little Man down below behind the plow falls down. The Young Boy doesn't know what happened at first. Then he figures'out his father was just shot. He goes to him in the dirt. Dr.SCHULTZ You need to keep that Smitty Bacall handbill. DJANGO Why? Dr.SCHULTZ It's good luck. You always keep the handbill of your first bounty. They begin walking down the hill, to collect Smitty Bacall's body, leading the extra body horse behind them. 50 As they walk down hill, they watch the little scene of Smitty Bacall's Son cradling his dying father.in his arms, the older man speaking his last words to his son before he dies. Dr.SCHULTZ See, they're having a tender little father son moment now. No doubt the most heartfelt one they've ever had. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - NIGHT It's now full on snowy winter in the hills. Django practices his quick draw against a SNOWMAN he's built. He sticks a BOTTLE in it, so the bottom of the bottle is where the snowman's heart would be. He DRAWS... Shoots the bottle heart! He DRAWS ... Shoots the left coal eye. He DRAWS ... Shoots the right coal eye. He DRAWS... Shoots the carrot nose. Dr.Schultz comes up behind him. Dr.SCHULTZ I think it's safe to say you're faster then the snowman. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - DIFFERENT NIGHT A outlaw gang known as The WILSON - LOWE GANG (five guys) ride through a snowy forest at night. When all five men and their Horses, are SHOT FROM ABOVE. DJANGO AND SCHULTZ up in a tree, FIRING DOWN ON them. EXT - WINTER MOUNTAIN TOWN MAIN STREET - NIGHT The FLAKES continue to FALL HARD as Dr.Schultz and Django ride down the main street of town, pulling poor Poncho who's FULLY LOADED DOWN with five corpses. 571 The local SHERIFF, DON GUS, watches the two men ride up, he knows them. SHERIFF GUS Doctor and Django, how the hell are ya, and who the hell ya got there? Dr.SCHULTZ The Wilson - Lowe Gang. SHERIFF GUS Who the hell's The Wilson - Lowe Gang? Dr.Schultz removes a handbill from his inside jacket pocket, and hands it down to the friendly peace officer. Dr.SCHULTZ Bad Chuck Wilson, and meaner Bobby Lowe. And three of their acolytes. SHERIFF GUS Just leave 'em out here, they ain't going nowhere. And if'in they do, god must love 'em, so who are we to say. Come outta the snowy snow and git yourself some coffee. TNT - SHERIFF GUS'S OFFICE - NIGHT The snow encrusted bounty hunters come inside the lawmans office. They exchange pleasantries about the weather as the Sheriff pours them coffee. After the two frosty gentlemen have drunk some of the hot liquid, they get down to business. As Schultz and Gus discuss the bounties, Django reads the handbills aloud from off the wall. On the third one he reads, WARREN VANDERS, and a two thousand dollar bounty, "That one", Schultz says. Django RIPS IT off the wall. As the winter has progressed, we see they've become a genuine bounty hunting team. And Django, a genuine bounty hunter. EXT - PRETTY MEADOW - DAY The snow has melted, and it's SPRING. And inside of this meadow Django practices his fast draw against five men... .by Schultz throwing FIVE COINS in the air ... DJANGO DRAWS FAST shoots three coins, FIRES again hitting another, then falls to the ground to get the fifth. He looks up from the ground at Schultz. 5L As Schultz collects the coins off the ground, he says; Dr.SCHULTZ You're pretty confident aren't you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ You have reason to be. He holds out his fist, opens his hand, the coins lay in his palm. All the coins have bullet holes dead in their center. He drops them on top of Django. DJANGO Still think I'm too green for Greenville? Dr.Schultz removes a pipe, sticks it in his mouth and says; Dr.SCHULTZ Oh you're ready for Greenville. He lights a match, then lights the pipe, puffing as he says; Dr.SCHULTZ Greenville ready for you, that I'm not so sure. He blows out the match... WE GO TO BLACK What we also saw in the above montage is Django shake off a lifetime of slavery. Django, in his green jacket, in his cowboy hat, on top of his steed Tony, with his gun hanging from his hip, has become his own man. He's not a slave anymore. He's a bounty hunter. BLACK TITLE CARD ACROSS THE SCREEN ONE LETTER AT A TIME STYLE (ala "Rocky" and "FLASHDANCE") MISSISSIPPI CUT TO EXT - THE TOWN OF GREENVILLE MISSISSIPPI - DAY The whole Main Street of Greenville is thick with five inches of shit brown mud that all the horse hooves, and wagon wheels, and slave feet have to wade through to get from one end of the town to the other. 53 We see Django and Dr.Schultz enter the town, and slosh their horses in the mud,, down the main street of Greenville Mississippi. The buying and selling of slaves is what the whole town is built around. BLACK MEN, WOMEN, and CHILDREN in BONDAGE are everywhere you look. LINES OF CHAINED SLAVES being marched one way or the other, move through the muddy streets of Greenville. WHITE MEN on horses move them along. BUCKBOARDS filled with DOMESTIC SLAVES (HOUSE NIGGERS), and pretty PONYS, driven by WHITE MEN roll through the street. A YOUNG WHITE BOY (14 years old), a shepherd, leads a bunch of SLAVE CHILDREN through town. A SHEPHERD'S DOG, HELPS HIM OUT BY MOVING THE KIDS ALONG. Impromptu slave auctions take place on almost every block. A SUBTITLE APPEARS on the bottom of the screen: GREENVILLE CHICKASAW COUNTY, MISSISSIPPI Dr.Schultz takes in this African flesh market, where human beings sell other human beings, with disgust and a little bit of shock. Django is neither disgusted or. shocked, he knows first hand how Greenville operates. As he rides Tony through town in his snappy duds, he looks'at the BLACK MEN half dressed: in chains. He REMEMBERS HIMSELF with his six Other Companions from earlier, being walked through the mud of Main Street by The Speck Brothers. On that day he might as well of been a steer. Today, with a gun on his hip, money in his pocket, in his snappy outfit, astride his steed Tony, he feels so different from these wretched half naked bastards it gives him a bit of a chill. Django sees the towns railroad depot, and across from it a huge SLAVE PEN, like a STEER CORRAL. At the moment there's no train in the depot. WE FLASH ON The TRAIN, at a earlier time, pulling into the depot. INSIDE ONE OF THE BOXCARS amidst a boxcar full of shirtless BLACK MALES, Django watches the train pull into the station, from inside the wooden slates of the boxcar.: A hatch in the roof of the boxcar is NOISILY YANKED OPEN, and TWO WHITE SLAVE TRADERS (RUSS AND JUDD), peer down at their human cargo. JUDD Good god almighty these niggers stink! I F RUSS Niggers stink, where's the shock? (to the Slaves BELOW) Okay you bucks, listen up, and listen well, I'm only gonna say this once. There's a slave corral right across from this boxcar. We gittin ready to open these doors. When we do, y'all run as fast as you can, right into that pen. 'Anyone gittin off trail, gonna get hurt and hurt bad. Now you niggers better comprehend. And that goes for any African garboons amongst y'all can't understand english ... . your American buddies better shove your ass in the right direction, or your trip to this country is going to be short, and pointless. Train to pen as fast as you can! The boxcar door is slid open, and a HUNDRED AND FIFTY BLACK MALES run full out from the train to the steer corral. We spot Django during the running. Once inside the corral, the gate is closed. COWBOYS with rifles act as prison guards. INSIDE THE CORRAL through the wooden posts, in the distance, Django watches them open up the boxcar holding the females. They do their run to their pen out of view. Django catches a quick glimpse of Broomhild.a running with the other LADIES, then she's gone from view. BACK TO DJANGO (PRESENT) Django and Dr.Schultz on top of their horses, taking in the sight of Greenville. Dr.SCHULTZ It's a spectacle out of Dante. DJANGO You should see it from the other side. Dr.SCHULTZ Frankly, I don't know if I could endure this. DJANGO You'd be surprised what you can endure. (BEAT) Where to? 675 Dr.SCHULTZ Records office. CUT TO INT - RECORDS OFFICE - DAY Dr.Schultz and Django walk into a records office, lined with books. We watch through the store front window, the black man and white man enter, and Dr.Schultz present his business card to a Dickensian looking RECORDS OFFICE WORKER. As Schultz starts his spellbinding with words routine... . The CAMERA FADES TO BLACK. BLACK TITLE CARD: BROOMHILDA INT - SLAVE PEN - DAY The same shot we saw before of Django fighting his way to the bars of the slave pen, to get a better last look of Broomhilda. Broomhilda, as before is walked by in the distance. Then, as before Django loses sight of her. EXT - MAIN STREET - GREENVILLE - DAY We follow in front of Broomhilda being lead out of the slave pen by TWO WHITE MALE SLAVERS. Her bare feet slosh in the Main Street mud, and the leg irons scrap her ankles. Up until now everything you've ever seen of Broomhilda, has only been in Django's Spaghetti Western Flashbacks. In other words, from his perspective, and memory. This is the,only time the story will shift to Broomhilda's perspective. The strong but frightened girl is led out on to the hustle and bustle, and wagon wheels and horse hoofs of Main Street. Broomhilda is not taken into that three story auction arena that Django was sold in at the beginning. Instead She's just lifted up on a parked buckboard wagon. Her SELLER (CLYDE) starts his pitch on the TWELVE or so BUYERS that watch this puny make shift auction. BROOMHILDA looks down into the crowd of twelve ugly white men, and holds her breath which one will buy her. Among the ugly white men we see Mr.HARMONY (MIKE), not quite as ugly as the rest. An older well dressed, classy gentleman. Next to him is his twenty four year old overweight awkward son SCOTTY HARMONY. Scotty in the audience, and Broomhilda on the wagon, THEIR EYES MEET, he nudges his dad. The Seller makes her expose her breasts to the small crowd. Then her back, revealing her whip marks. Then pointing out the runaway "r" branded in her cheek. Some of the crowd, including Scotty, react with repulsion at the sight of the whip marks. The Seller assures the crowd, that niggers don't feel pain like white folks, and it only makes the women more gentle. SELLER - CLYDE Fellahs, you ain't felt gentle, till you felt nigger gal gentle. UGLY MAN makes a bid. BROOMHILDA yikes. UGLIER MAN higher bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. UGLIER BY FAR GUY makes leap frog big bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. BIG GREASY FAT GUY makes a bid. BIG FAT GREASY BEAVER PELT COVERED TRAPPER makes a bid. A GIGGLING LEERING GROUP OF BROTHERS make a bid. A SEVENTY FIVE YEAR OLD INDIAN ON A MULE makes a bid. Mr.Harmony makes a bid for his son Scotty. Broomhilda notices that. And makes more eye contact with Scotty. They look at each other as Mr.Harmony continues to bid. A LITERARY NARRATOR comes on the soundtrack. NARRATOR (VO) On that day, eight months ago, the auction was won by Mike Harmony, as a birthday present for his fat boy son Scotty. Mr.Harmony congratulates his son. From on top of the buckboard Broomhilda looks down at her new owners. Later they leave for the Harmony house. Scotty lifts Broomhilda up into the back of the buckboard. He hands her a little white bag. SCOTTY This is for you. She opens the bag,candies of many colors sit in it. SCOTTY They're jelly beans. Try one. She selects a yellow one and puts it in her mouth. SCOTTY Good huh? She nods her head, yes. We see him drive the buckboard out of Greenville with Broomhilda in the back eating her bag of jelly beans. $XT - COUNTRY ROAD - DAY The buckboard makes its way down a country road. Broomhilda in the back, and Scotty driving the wagon. Scotty bought her, but he's too scared to talk to her. Broomhilda's muddy bare feet dangle off the wagon. She's beginning to realize the young master is the shy type. BROOMHILDA Master Scotty... ? SCOTTY Yes Broomhilda? BROOMHILDA I'm lonely back here. Can I come on up with you on that seat so we can talk? SCOTTY Please, I'd love that. She climbs into the driver's seat. In more ways then one. '8 EXT - THE HARMONY HOUSE - DAY A nice two story southern house. Very nice, but hardly a plantation. The household's FOUR DOMESTIC SLAVES. Broomhilda will be the fifth. The buckboard pulls up to the front of the house. Scotty's mother, Mrs.HARMONY (MARY LOUISE), waits to meet her son, and his new bought nigger gal. The older lady looks the black girl up and down and says to her; Mrs.HARMONY What's your name, gal? BROOMHILDA Broomhilda. Mrs.HARMONY Follow me. into the kitchen, ('to her son) You stay out here. INT - KITCHEN - DAY Mrs.Harmony brings Broomhilda in her kitchen. The TWO DOMESTIC SLAVES that were in, there are chased out by the boss lady. Mrs.Harmony grabs Broomhilda by the wrist, and tells her; Mrs.HARMONY I want to have a word with you, wench. You met my boy Scotty. You can tell ain't no white girl gonna fool with him. And if they do fool with him, they fool with him for the wrong reason. Boy's twenty four, he still ain't a man yet. That's why you're here. Be nice to him. He's a very sweet boy. Play him right, he'll eat bird seed out of your palm. Play 'em wrong, you'll deal with me. BROOMHILDA I like Scotty. He's just shy is all. All he needs is a little confidence. Mrs.HARMONY And you'll give that to him? BROOMHILDA I'll do my best, mam. Scotty's a real sweet boy. Mrs.HARMONY He is, isn't he? BROOMHILDA Ah-huh. The mother lets go of the young lady's wrist. 19 NARRATOR (VO) Basically The Harmony's bought a slave bride for young master Scotty that day. And the two kids had a nice time playing house for awhile. We see Scotty and Broomhilda catching butterflies in butterfly nets in the daytime.. At night they catch LIGHTNING BUGS together. At night in Scotty's bed, while the young man lay fast asleep, Broomhilda looks at her jelly jar of GLOWING LIGHTNING BUGS. NARRATOR (VO) As Scotty's sort of defacto sweetheart, if no visitors were about, Broomhilda would even join the family at their dinner table. We see them at dinner eating fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. NARRATOR.(VO) And pretty soon she was adopted into a member of the family. Mrs.Harmony and Broomhilda sewing together. The Harmony family and Broomhilda playing croquet in the front yard. After dinner, Mrs.Harmony entertaining the family by playing the piano. Mr.Harmony reading the women and his son a story from a storybook. NARRATOR (VO) Scotty was never happier. Scotty and Broomhilda walking holding hands at Southern magic hour. Broomhilda having sex with Scotty, baby talking with him, talking him through it, making him feel loved and secure. NARRATOR (VO) After three months of this bliss, Scotty decided to take Broomhilda for a romantic weekend in Greenville. SCOTTY AND BROOMHILDA drive through the Main Street of Greenville, dressed to the nines, in a fancy carriage. Broomhilda dressed in a beautiful white lace dress, complete with white lace gloves, fancy ladies hat, and white parasol. Scotty, very proud of his pretty Pony, is dressed in a fashion best described as plantation pimp daddy. 6O NARRATOR (VO) White masters would take their pretty Ponys to Greenville for a treat or romantic excursion, for two reasons-One, seeing how bad the other slaves had it, always made the papered Ponys appreciate their privilege position, (just in case they'd forgot). BROOMHILDA holding her parasol, looking like a black Daisy Miller, watches the OTHER SLAVES march by in the mud. They watch her too. INT - HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT Broomhilda and Scotty, and their luggage, move into the fancy hotel lobby, and rent a room at the front desk. INSERT: HOTEL REGISTRY Scotty signs his name. The DESK CLERKS HAND checks the box on the registry book that indicates darkee female companion. INT -. GREENVILLE - NIGHT Greenville at night is a little different. At night, RICH WHITE MASTERS showing off their Ponys (like Scotty), rule the streets. NARRATOR (VO) And two, there was a sliver of society that ran through Greenville at night that catered to white masters who were infected with a condition that was normally referred to as, "Nigger love." At night the streets, the bars, bistros, and buggy rides were ruled by rich white masters showing off their pretty Pony's. EXT - CLEOPATRA CLUB - NIGHT An establishing shot.of the three story house that has been converted into private club called, The Cleopatra Club. NARRATOR (VO) But the crown jewel of all this interracial frivolity, was the members only, Cleopatra Club. INSERT: GOLD PLAQUE with the name, THE CLEOPATRA CLUB on it, next to it is a profile of Nefertiti. 6! INT - THE CLEOPATRA CLUB - RESTAURANT - NIGHT The interracial joint is jumping (as long as by interracial you mean white men and black women). Scotty and Broomhilda are enjoying a fancy dinner in the clubs dining room. We see across the dining room, the powerful white man, CALVIN CANDIE, sitting with some White Men and some Black Ponys, eyeing Broomhilda. SCOTTY I gotta tell you Broomhilda - I don't care if I go to. hell for this - I love you. And if loving you means I go to

face

How many times the word 'face' appears in the text?

'em. SPENCER'S HORSE his hooves race and rip up the grass. SPENCER riding for his life... DJANGO scope sight rifle up to his eye. Dr.SCHULTZ He's getting out of range. DJANGO I got 'em. INSERT: A black finger squeezes the rifle trigger. SPENCER BENNETT we're behind him as he rides away, OFF SCREEN we hear the whistling of what sounds like an incoming missle. SPENCER BENNETT we're in.front of Spencer Bennett as he rides, when Django's bullet, RIPS THROUGH his CHEST. DJANGO DJANGO I got 'em. SPENCER BENNETT falls from his horse, dead. DJANGO scope sight rifle in his hand, big smile on his face, looks.to Dr.Schultz. Dr.SCHULTZ Like that, huh? Referring to the scope sight rifle; DJANGO I like. Dr.SCHULTZ Well, I think while they take this opportunity to lick their wounds, we should take this opportunity to get the fuck out of Tennessee. They hop out of the tree. MONTAGE Dr.Schultz in a big city, buying Django a new saddle. Django gets his first initial "D" etched into it. The men go to different stores to purchase Django's wardrobe. The outfit bought, is selected by Django, with suggestions offered by Schultz. When he's done, Django looks damn handsome in his new duds. Brown cowboy boots, Green Corduroy Jacket, Smokey Grey Shirt, Tan Skin Tight Pants, and Light Brown Cowboy Hat. He looks a. bit like Elvis in "Flaming Star" and a Little Joe Cartwright on "Bonanza". However, tellingly, he keeps Ace Speck's Winter Coat as his winter coat. EXT - COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY Django, sitting on his new saddle, in his new duds, rides alongside the good doctor Schultz. The German carries a PICNIC BASKET. Dr.SCHULTZ But I'm serious son, Greenville is just too dangerous for you to go fucking around there. You're a freed, slave, you should be in New York. You shouldn't be in Greenville, you shouldn't even be forty miles on any side of Greenville., You shouldn't be anywhere in Mississippi. DJANGO She's my wife, it's my job to look after her. If Greenville's where I gotta go to find out where she went, then I gotta go. Now you were sayin' where I gotta go first? Dr.SCHULTZ There'should be some sort of records office. You know when she was sold, you know where she came from, the Carrucan Plantation, and you know her name ... . what is her name? DJANGO Broomhilda. Schultz reacts. Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda? Django.nods his head yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Were her owners German? Now Django reacts, "How did he know that? DJANGO Yeah, how did you know? She wasn't born on The Carrucan Plantation. She was raised by a German mistress, The Von Shafts. She can speak a little German too. Dr.SCHULTZ Your wife? DJANGO Yeah, when she was little her mistress taught her so she'd have somebody to talk German with. Dr.SCHULTZ So let me get this straight, your slave wife speaks German, and her name is Broomhilda Von Shaft...? DJANGO Yep. Mouthful, huh? Dr.SCHULTZ To say the least. (stopping the horse) This looks like a very pretty place to have our picnic. What'd ya say, here? TIME CUT EXT - PICNIC IN COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY The two men sit on a blanket with a nice picnic spread spread out. Django eats a cucumber sandwich with the crust cut off, and drinks a cup of tea. DJANGO How did you know Broomhilda's first masters were German? Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda is a German name. If they named her, it stands to reason they'd be German. DJANGO Lotsa gals where you from named Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ No, not so much. Broomhilda is the name of a character in one of the most popular of all the German legends. DJANGO Really? There's a story 'bout Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes there is. DJANGO Do you know it? Dr.SCHULTZ Every German knows that story. Would you like me to tell you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Well Broomhilda was a princess. She was the daughter of Wotan, the god of all gods. Anyway, her father is really mad at her. DJANGO What she do.? Dr.SCHULTZ I don't exactly remember. I think she disobeys him in some way. So at first he's just going to obliterate her - DJANGO Obliterate... . what does that mean? Dr.SCHULTZ Like blow up. He pantomimes a explosion. DJANGO Phew, that's pretty mad. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes it is, and like most fathers, given a little time, he calms down a bit. He's still mad at her. He still wants to punish her. Just not ... . blow her up. So instead what he does, is he puts her high on top of a mountain. DJANGO Broomhilda's on a mountain? Dr.SCHULTZ It's a German legend, there's always going to be a mountain in there somewhere. So, he puts her on top of the mountain and he puts a fire breathing dragon there to guard the mountain. And. then he surrounds her in circle of hellfire. And there Broomhilda shall remain, unless a hero arises brave enough to save her. DJANGO Does a fella arise? From now on as Dr.Schultz talks, he's beginning to realize something he wasn't aware of when the conversation started. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes Django, as a matter he does. A fella named, Sigfried. DJANGO Does Sigfried save her? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes he does, and quite spectacularly, so. Now true, he is assisted in his triumph by a truly, truly, remarkable sword, still, having said that, Sigfried triumphs over all of his obstacles not just due to his sword, but due to his courage. He scales the mountain, because he's not afraid of it. He defeats the dragon, because he's not afraid.of him. Dr.SCHULTZ (CON'T) He walks through hellfire because Broomhilda's worth. it. After that last line of dialogue... .the two men just let a moment pass as they nibble on their sandwiches. DJANGO I know how he feels. Dr.SCHULTZ I think I'm just starting to realize that. He pours Django and himself some more tea out of a fancy tea pot, as he thinks about what he's going to say next. Dr.SCHULTZ Look Django, I don't doubt one day you will save your lady love. But I'm afraid I can't let you go to Greenville in a good conscious. Let me ask you a question, how do you like the bounty hunting business? DJANGO Kill white folks, and they pay ya? What's not to like? Dr.SCHULTZ I hafta admit, we make a good team. DJANGO But I'thought you were mad at me for killin' Big John and Rodger? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes, on that occasion, you were a tad overzealous. But normally, that's a good thing. How'd you like to partner up for the winter? DJANGO What'd ya mean partner up? Dr.SCHULTZ You be my deputy, for real this time. A lot of the big money is in outlaw gangs. Some of these fellas are worth fifteen hundred or three thousand a piece. With one man, anything over three men is a risk. But with a partner? Creating cross fire? It's fish in a. barrel. A lot of these gangs hold up in the'hills for the winter. DJANGO You makin' another agreement? W7 Dr.SCHULTZ Yes. You work with me through the winter, till the snow melts. I give you a third of my bounties. And while we're together, I'll teach you a few things you're going to need to know. DJANGO Can you teach me how to make Tony do that head bow thing that Fritz can do? Dr.SCHULTZ That among other things. We make some money this winter, when the snow melts, I'll take you to Greenville myself, and we'll find where they sent your wife. I'm pretty good at finding people. Is it a deal? No white man has ever done anything for Django, just to him. So understandably, he's a little suspicious. DJANGO Why you care what happens to me? Why you care if I find my wife? Dr.SCHULTZ Well frankly, I've never given anybody their freedom before. And now that I have, I feel vaguely responsible for you. You're just not ready to go off on your own, it's that simple. You're too green, you'll get hurt. Plus when a German meets a real life Sigfried,. it's kind of a big deal. As a German, I'm obliged to help you on your quest to rescue your beloved Broomhilda. Django accepts that response. What follows is a MONTAGE covering the five months that Django and Schultz partner up as bounty hunters. Schultz wears his normal ensemble. Django wears his cool looking Green Jacket, unless it's really cold, which a lot of this Montage is. Then he still wears Ace Specks raw hide winter coat over his cool clothes. WE SEE A SCENE to be improvised (more or less), where Dr.Schultz teaches Django how to draw and shoot the pistol in the holster at his hip. By the end of the scene, after trial and error, we see Django's going to be good at this. EXT - HILLSIDE - SUNNY DAY We see Django and Dr.Schultz walking up a hill. Tony and Fritz have been left tied up downhill. Django leads a extra body HORSE (named PONCHO) behind him. Dr.Schultz carries his scope sight rifle in 'a long case. They get to the top of the hill. It overlooks a small farmhouse. Y, 8 DOWN BELOW WE SEE A LITTLE MAN struggling behind a plow, and his FIFTEEN YEAR OLD SON helping him by leading the horse forward. On top of their perch on the hill top, Dr.Schultz says; Dr.SCHULTZ Keep down or he'll see you. DJANGO Who that farmer? Who cares? Dr.SCHULTZ Well since we came here to kill 'em, he just might. DJANGO What? The little man pushin' that plow? Dr.SCHULTZ That little man pushing that plow, is Smitty Bacall. DJANGO Smitty Bacall is a farmer? Dr.SCHULTZ No. Smitty Bacall is a stagecoach robber who's hiding out as a farmer, because there's a seven thousand dollar bounty on his head. He hands Django the scope rifle case. Dr.SCHULTZ And he's all yours my boy. DJANGO lays on his belly, with the Scope Sight up to his eye. SCOPE SIGHT POV: on the Farmer struggling behind his plow, working hard with his horse and his son. Django's finger on the trigger... .but he hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Oh what happened.to mister I wanna kill white folks for money? DJANGO His son's with him. Dr.SCHULTZ Good. He'll have a loved one with him. Maybe even share a last word. That's better then most get, and a damn. sight better then he deserves. 1 9 Django still hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Put down the rifle. Don't worry, I'm not mad at you. Take out Smitty Bacall's handbill. Django removes the folded up handbill from the pocket of his tan pants. Dr.SCHULTZ Read it aloud. Consider it today's lesson. DJANGO (READING) "Wanted, dead or alive. Smitty Bacall and The Smitty Bacall Gang. For murder and stagecoach robbery. Seven thousand dollars for Smitty Bacall. One thousand and five hundred dollars for each of his gang members. Known members of The Smitty Bacall Gang are as follows, DANDY MICHAELS, GERALD NASH, and CRAZY CRAIG KOONS." Dr.SCHULTZ Well done. Bravo. THAT is who Smitty Bacall is. If Smitty Bacall wanted to start a farm at twenty-two, they would never of printed that. (REFERRING TO THE HANDBILL) But Smitty Bacall wanted to rob stagecoaches, and he didn't mind killing people to do it. You want to save your wife by doing what I do? This is what I do. I kill people, and sell their corpses for cash. His corpse is worth seven thousand dollars. Now quit your pussyfootin and shoot him. Django SHOOTS. The Little Man down below behind the plow falls down. The Young Boy doesn't know what happened at first. Then he figures'out his father was just shot. He goes to him in the dirt. Dr.SCHULTZ You need to keep that Smitty Bacall handbill. DJANGO Why? Dr.SCHULTZ It's good luck. You always keep the handbill of your first bounty. They begin walking down the hill, to collect Smitty Bacall's body, leading the extra body horse behind them. 50 As they walk down hill, they watch the little scene of Smitty Bacall's Son cradling his dying father.in his arms, the older man speaking his last words to his son before he dies. Dr.SCHULTZ See, they're having a tender little father son moment now. No doubt the most heartfelt one they've ever had. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - NIGHT It's now full on snowy winter in the hills. Django practices his quick draw against a SNOWMAN he's built. He sticks a BOTTLE in it, so the bottom of the bottle is where the snowman's heart would be. He DRAWS... Shoots the bottle heart! He DRAWS ... Shoots the left coal eye. He DRAWS ... Shoots the right coal eye. He DRAWS... Shoots the carrot nose. Dr.Schultz comes up behind him. Dr.SCHULTZ I think it's safe to say you're faster then the snowman. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - DIFFERENT NIGHT A outlaw gang known as The WILSON - LOWE GANG (five guys) ride through a snowy forest at night. When all five men and their Horses, are SHOT FROM ABOVE. DJANGO AND SCHULTZ up in a tree, FIRING DOWN ON them. EXT - WINTER MOUNTAIN TOWN MAIN STREET - NIGHT The FLAKES continue to FALL HARD as Dr.Schultz and Django ride down the main street of town, pulling poor Poncho who's FULLY LOADED DOWN with five corpses. 571 The local SHERIFF, DON GUS, watches the two men ride up, he knows them. SHERIFF GUS Doctor and Django, how the hell are ya, and who the hell ya got there? Dr.SCHULTZ The Wilson - Lowe Gang. SHERIFF GUS Who the hell's The Wilson - Lowe Gang? Dr.Schultz removes a handbill from his inside jacket pocket, and hands it down to the friendly peace officer. Dr.SCHULTZ Bad Chuck Wilson, and meaner Bobby Lowe. And three of their acolytes. SHERIFF GUS Just leave 'em out here, they ain't going nowhere. And if'in they do, god must love 'em, so who are we to say. Come outta the snowy snow and git yourself some coffee. TNT - SHERIFF GUS'S OFFICE - NIGHT The snow encrusted bounty hunters come inside the lawmans office. They exchange pleasantries about the weather as the Sheriff pours them coffee. After the two frosty gentlemen have drunk some of the hot liquid, they get down to business. As Schultz and Gus discuss the bounties, Django reads the handbills aloud from off the wall. On the third one he reads, WARREN VANDERS, and a two thousand dollar bounty, "That one", Schultz says. Django RIPS IT off the wall. As the winter has progressed, we see they've become a genuine bounty hunting team. And Django, a genuine bounty hunter. EXT - PRETTY MEADOW - DAY The snow has melted, and it's SPRING. And inside of this meadow Django practices his fast draw against five men... .by Schultz throwing FIVE COINS in the air ... DJANGO DRAWS FAST shoots three coins, FIRES again hitting another, then falls to the ground to get the fifth. He looks up from the ground at Schultz. 5L As Schultz collects the coins off the ground, he says; Dr.SCHULTZ You're pretty confident aren't you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ You have reason to be. He holds out his fist, opens his hand, the coins lay in his palm. All the coins have bullet holes dead in their center. He drops them on top of Django. DJANGO Still think I'm too green for Greenville? Dr.Schultz removes a pipe, sticks it in his mouth and says; Dr.SCHULTZ Oh you're ready for Greenville. He lights a match, then lights the pipe, puffing as he says; Dr.SCHULTZ Greenville ready for you, that I'm not so sure. He blows out the match... WE GO TO BLACK What we also saw in the above montage is Django shake off a lifetime of slavery. Django, in his green jacket, in his cowboy hat, on top of his steed Tony, with his gun hanging from his hip, has become his own man. He's not a slave anymore. He's a bounty hunter. BLACK TITLE CARD ACROSS THE SCREEN ONE LETTER AT A TIME STYLE (ala "Rocky" and "FLASHDANCE") MISSISSIPPI CUT TO EXT - THE TOWN OF GREENVILLE MISSISSIPPI - DAY The whole Main Street of Greenville is thick with five inches of shit brown mud that all the horse hooves, and wagon wheels, and slave feet have to wade through to get from one end of the town to the other. 53 We see Django and Dr.Schultz enter the town, and slosh their horses in the mud,, down the main street of Greenville Mississippi. The buying and selling of slaves is what the whole town is built around. BLACK MEN, WOMEN, and CHILDREN in BONDAGE are everywhere you look. LINES OF CHAINED SLAVES being marched one way or the other, move through the muddy streets of Greenville. WHITE MEN on horses move them along. BUCKBOARDS filled with DOMESTIC SLAVES (HOUSE NIGGERS), and pretty PONYS, driven by WHITE MEN roll through the street. A YOUNG WHITE BOY (14 years old), a shepherd, leads a bunch of SLAVE CHILDREN through town. A SHEPHERD'S DOG, HELPS HIM OUT BY MOVING THE KIDS ALONG. Impromptu slave auctions take place on almost every block. A SUBTITLE APPEARS on the bottom of the screen: GREENVILLE CHICKASAW COUNTY, MISSISSIPPI Dr.Schultz takes in this African flesh market, where human beings sell other human beings, with disgust and a little bit of shock. Django is neither disgusted or. shocked, he knows first hand how Greenville operates. As he rides Tony through town in his snappy duds, he looks'at the BLACK MEN half dressed: in chains. He REMEMBERS HIMSELF with his six Other Companions from earlier, being walked through the mud of Main Street by The Speck Brothers. On that day he might as well of been a steer. Today, with a gun on his hip, money in his pocket, in his snappy outfit, astride his steed Tony, he feels so different from these wretched half naked bastards it gives him a bit of a chill. Django sees the towns railroad depot, and across from it a huge SLAVE PEN, like a STEER CORRAL. At the moment there's no train in the depot. WE FLASH ON The TRAIN, at a earlier time, pulling into the depot. INSIDE ONE OF THE BOXCARS amidst a boxcar full of shirtless BLACK MALES, Django watches the train pull into the station, from inside the wooden slates of the boxcar.: A hatch in the roof of the boxcar is NOISILY YANKED OPEN, and TWO WHITE SLAVE TRADERS (RUSS AND JUDD), peer down at their human cargo. JUDD Good god almighty these niggers stink! I F RUSS Niggers stink, where's the shock? (to the Slaves BELOW) Okay you bucks, listen up, and listen well, I'm only gonna say this once. There's a slave corral right across from this boxcar. We gittin ready to open these doors. When we do, y'all run as fast as you can, right into that pen. 'Anyone gittin off trail, gonna get hurt and hurt bad. Now you niggers better comprehend. And that goes for any African garboons amongst y'all can't understand english ... . your American buddies better shove your ass in the right direction, or your trip to this country is going to be short, and pointless. Train to pen as fast as you can! The boxcar door is slid open, and a HUNDRED AND FIFTY BLACK MALES run full out from the train to the steer corral. We spot Django during the running. Once inside the corral, the gate is closed. COWBOYS with rifles act as prison guards. INSIDE THE CORRAL through the wooden posts, in the distance, Django watches them open up the boxcar holding the females. They do their run to their pen out of view. Django catches a quick glimpse of Broomhild.a running with the other LADIES, then she's gone from view. BACK TO DJANGO (PRESENT) Django and Dr.Schultz on top of their horses, taking in the sight of Greenville. Dr.SCHULTZ It's a spectacle out of Dante. DJANGO You should see it from the other side. Dr.SCHULTZ Frankly, I don't know if I could endure this. DJANGO You'd be surprised what you can endure. (BEAT) Where to? 675 Dr.SCHULTZ Records office. CUT TO INT - RECORDS OFFICE - DAY Dr.Schultz and Django walk into a records office, lined with books. We watch through the store front window, the black man and white man enter, and Dr.Schultz present his business card to a Dickensian looking RECORDS OFFICE WORKER. As Schultz starts his spellbinding with words routine... . The CAMERA FADES TO BLACK. BLACK TITLE CARD: BROOMHILDA INT - SLAVE PEN - DAY The same shot we saw before of Django fighting his way to the bars of the slave pen, to get a better last look of Broomhilda. Broomhilda, as before is walked by in the distance. Then, as before Django loses sight of her. EXT - MAIN STREET - GREENVILLE - DAY We follow in front of Broomhilda being lead out of the slave pen by TWO WHITE MALE SLAVERS. Her bare feet slosh in the Main Street mud, and the leg irons scrap her ankles. Up until now everything you've ever seen of Broomhilda, has only been in Django's Spaghetti Western Flashbacks. In other words, from his perspective, and memory. This is the,only time the story will shift to Broomhilda's perspective. The strong but frightened girl is led out on to the hustle and bustle, and wagon wheels and horse hoofs of Main Street. Broomhilda is not taken into that three story auction arena that Django was sold in at the beginning. Instead She's just lifted up on a parked buckboard wagon. Her SELLER (CLYDE) starts his pitch on the TWELVE or so BUYERS that watch this puny make shift auction. BROOMHILDA looks down into the crowd of twelve ugly white men, and holds her breath which one will buy her. Among the ugly white men we see Mr.HARMONY (MIKE), not quite as ugly as the rest. An older well dressed, classy gentleman. Next to him is his twenty four year old overweight awkward son SCOTTY HARMONY. Scotty in the audience, and Broomhilda on the wagon, THEIR EYES MEET, he nudges his dad. The Seller makes her expose her breasts to the small crowd. Then her back, revealing her whip marks. Then pointing out the runaway "r" branded in her cheek. Some of the crowd, including Scotty, react with repulsion at the sight of the whip marks. The Seller assures the crowd, that niggers don't feel pain like white folks, and it only makes the women more gentle. SELLER - CLYDE Fellahs, you ain't felt gentle, till you felt nigger gal gentle. UGLY MAN makes a bid. BROOMHILDA yikes. UGLIER MAN higher bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. UGLIER BY FAR GUY makes leap frog big bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. BIG GREASY FAT GUY makes a bid. BIG FAT GREASY BEAVER PELT COVERED TRAPPER makes a bid. A GIGGLING LEERING GROUP OF BROTHERS make a bid. A SEVENTY FIVE YEAR OLD INDIAN ON A MULE makes a bid. Mr.Harmony makes a bid for his son Scotty. Broomhilda notices that. And makes more eye contact with Scotty. They look at each other as Mr.Harmony continues to bid. A LITERARY NARRATOR comes on the soundtrack. NARRATOR (VO) On that day, eight months ago, the auction was won by Mike Harmony, as a birthday present for his fat boy son Scotty. Mr.Harmony congratulates his son. From on top of the buckboard Broomhilda looks down at her new owners. Later they leave for the Harmony house. Scotty lifts Broomhilda up into the back of the buckboard. He hands her a little white bag. SCOTTY This is for you. She opens the bag,candies of many colors sit in it. SCOTTY They're jelly beans. Try one. She selects a yellow one and puts it in her mouth. SCOTTY Good huh? She nods her head, yes. We see him drive the buckboard out of Greenville with Broomhilda in the back eating her bag of jelly beans. $XT - COUNTRY ROAD - DAY The buckboard makes its way down a country road. Broomhilda in the back, and Scotty driving the wagon. Scotty bought her, but he's too scared to talk to her. Broomhilda's muddy bare feet dangle off the wagon. She's beginning to realize the young master is the shy type. BROOMHILDA Master Scotty... ? SCOTTY Yes Broomhilda? BROOMHILDA I'm lonely back here. Can I come on up with you on that seat so we can talk? SCOTTY Please, I'd love that. She climbs into the driver's seat. In more ways then one. '8 EXT - THE HARMONY HOUSE - DAY A nice two story southern house. Very nice, but hardly a plantation. The household's FOUR DOMESTIC SLAVES. Broomhilda will be the fifth. The buckboard pulls up to the front of the house. Scotty's mother, Mrs.HARMONY (MARY LOUISE), waits to meet her son, and his new bought nigger gal. The older lady looks the black girl up and down and says to her; Mrs.HARMONY What's your name, gal? BROOMHILDA Broomhilda. Mrs.HARMONY Follow me. into the kitchen, ('to her son) You stay out here. INT - KITCHEN - DAY Mrs.Harmony brings Broomhilda in her kitchen. The TWO DOMESTIC SLAVES that were in, there are chased out by the boss lady. Mrs.Harmony grabs Broomhilda by the wrist, and tells her; Mrs.HARMONY I want to have a word with you, wench. You met my boy Scotty. You can tell ain't no white girl gonna fool with him. And if they do fool with him, they fool with him for the wrong reason. Boy's twenty four, he still ain't a man yet. That's why you're here. Be nice to him. He's a very sweet boy. Play him right, he'll eat bird seed out of your palm. Play 'em wrong, you'll deal with me. BROOMHILDA I like Scotty. He's just shy is all. All he needs is a little confidence. Mrs.HARMONY And you'll give that to him? BROOMHILDA I'll do my best, mam. Scotty's a real sweet boy. Mrs.HARMONY He is, isn't he? BROOMHILDA Ah-huh. The mother lets go of the young lady's wrist. 19 NARRATOR (VO) Basically The Harmony's bought a slave bride for young master Scotty that day. And the two kids had a nice time playing house for awhile. We see Scotty and Broomhilda catching butterflies in butterfly nets in the daytime.. At night they catch LIGHTNING BUGS together. At night in Scotty's bed, while the young man lay fast asleep, Broomhilda looks at her jelly jar of GLOWING LIGHTNING BUGS. NARRATOR (VO) As Scotty's sort of defacto sweetheart, if no visitors were about, Broomhilda would even join the family at their dinner table. We see them at dinner eating fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. NARRATOR.(VO) And pretty soon she was adopted into a member of the family. Mrs.Harmony and Broomhilda sewing together. The Harmony family and Broomhilda playing croquet in the front yard. After dinner, Mrs.Harmony entertaining the family by playing the piano. Mr.Harmony reading the women and his son a story from a storybook. NARRATOR (VO) Scotty was never happier. Scotty and Broomhilda walking holding hands at Southern magic hour. Broomhilda having sex with Scotty, baby talking with him, talking him through it, making him feel loved and secure. NARRATOR (VO) After three months of this bliss, Scotty decided to take Broomhilda for a romantic weekend in Greenville. SCOTTY AND BROOMHILDA drive through the Main Street of Greenville, dressed to the nines, in a fancy carriage. Broomhilda dressed in a beautiful white lace dress, complete with white lace gloves, fancy ladies hat, and white parasol. Scotty, very proud of his pretty Pony, is dressed in a fashion best described as plantation pimp daddy. 6O NARRATOR (VO) White masters would take their pretty Ponys to Greenville for a treat or romantic excursion, for two reasons-One, seeing how bad the other slaves had it, always made the papered Ponys appreciate their privilege position, (just in case they'd forgot). BROOMHILDA holding her parasol, looking like a black Daisy Miller, watches the OTHER SLAVES march by in the mud. They watch her too. INT - HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT Broomhilda and Scotty, and their luggage, move into the fancy hotel lobby, and rent a room at the front desk. INSERT: HOTEL REGISTRY Scotty signs his name. The DESK CLERKS HAND checks the box on the registry book that indicates darkee female companion. INT -. GREENVILLE - NIGHT Greenville at night is a little different. At night, RICH WHITE MASTERS showing off their Ponys (like Scotty), rule the streets. NARRATOR (VO) And two, there was a sliver of society that ran through Greenville at night that catered to white masters who were infected with a condition that was normally referred to as, "Nigger love." At night the streets, the bars, bistros, and buggy rides were ruled by rich white masters showing off their pretty Pony's. EXT - CLEOPATRA CLUB - NIGHT An establishing shot.of the three story house that has been converted into private club called, The Cleopatra Club. NARRATOR (VO) But the crown jewel of all this interracial frivolity, was the members only, Cleopatra Club. INSERT: GOLD PLAQUE with the name, THE CLEOPATRA CLUB on it, next to it is a profile of Nefertiti. 6! INT - THE CLEOPATRA CLUB - RESTAURANT - NIGHT The interracial joint is jumping (as long as by interracial you mean white men and black women). Scotty and Broomhilda are enjoying a fancy dinner in the clubs dining room. We see across the dining room, the powerful white man, CALVIN CANDIE, sitting with some White Men and some Black Ponys, eyeing Broomhilda. SCOTTY I gotta tell you Broomhilda - I don't care if I go to. hell for this - I love you. And if loving you means I go to

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How many times the word 'dollar' appears in the text?

'em. SPENCER'S HORSE his hooves race and rip up the grass. SPENCER riding for his life... DJANGO scope sight rifle up to his eye. Dr.SCHULTZ He's getting out of range. DJANGO I got 'em. INSERT: A black finger squeezes the rifle trigger. SPENCER BENNETT we're behind him as he rides away, OFF SCREEN we hear the whistling of what sounds like an incoming missle. SPENCER BENNETT we're in.front of Spencer Bennett as he rides, when Django's bullet, RIPS THROUGH his CHEST. DJANGO DJANGO I got 'em. SPENCER BENNETT falls from his horse, dead. DJANGO scope sight rifle in his hand, big smile on his face, looks.to Dr.Schultz. Dr.SCHULTZ Like that, huh? Referring to the scope sight rifle; DJANGO I like. Dr.SCHULTZ Well, I think while they take this opportunity to lick their wounds, we should take this opportunity to get the fuck out of Tennessee. They hop out of the tree. MONTAGE Dr.Schultz in a big city, buying Django a new saddle. Django gets his first initial "D" etched into it. The men go to different stores to purchase Django's wardrobe. The outfit bought, is selected by Django, with suggestions offered by Schultz. When he's done, Django looks damn handsome in his new duds. Brown cowboy boots, Green Corduroy Jacket, Smokey Grey Shirt, Tan Skin Tight Pants, and Light Brown Cowboy Hat. He looks a. bit like Elvis in "Flaming Star" and a Little Joe Cartwright on "Bonanza". However, tellingly, he keeps Ace Speck's Winter Coat as his winter coat. EXT - COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY Django, sitting on his new saddle, in his new duds, rides alongside the good doctor Schultz. The German carries a PICNIC BASKET. Dr.SCHULTZ But I'm serious son, Greenville is just too dangerous for you to go fucking around there. You're a freed, slave, you should be in New York. You shouldn't be in Greenville, you shouldn't even be forty miles on any side of Greenville., You shouldn't be anywhere in Mississippi. DJANGO She's my wife, it's my job to look after her. If Greenville's where I gotta go to find out where she went, then I gotta go. Now you were sayin' where I gotta go first? Dr.SCHULTZ There'should be some sort of records office. You know when she was sold, you know where she came from, the Carrucan Plantation, and you know her name ... . what is her name? DJANGO Broomhilda. Schultz reacts. Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda? Django.nods his head yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Were her owners German? Now Django reacts, "How did he know that? DJANGO Yeah, how did you know? She wasn't born on The Carrucan Plantation. She was raised by a German mistress, The Von Shafts. She can speak a little German too. Dr.SCHULTZ Your wife? DJANGO Yeah, when she was little her mistress taught her so she'd have somebody to talk German with. Dr.SCHULTZ So let me get this straight, your slave wife speaks German, and her name is Broomhilda Von Shaft...? DJANGO Yep. Mouthful, huh? Dr.SCHULTZ To say the least. (stopping the horse) This looks like a very pretty place to have our picnic. What'd ya say, here? TIME CUT EXT - PICNIC IN COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY The two men sit on a blanket with a nice picnic spread spread out. Django eats a cucumber sandwich with the crust cut off, and drinks a cup of tea. DJANGO How did you know Broomhilda's first masters were German? Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda is a German name. If they named her, it stands to reason they'd be German. DJANGO Lotsa gals where you from named Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ No, not so much. Broomhilda is the name of a character in one of the most popular of all the German legends. DJANGO Really? There's a story 'bout Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes there is. DJANGO Do you know it? Dr.SCHULTZ Every German knows that story. Would you like me to tell you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Well Broomhilda was a princess. She was the daughter of Wotan, the god of all gods. Anyway, her father is really mad at her. DJANGO What she do.? Dr.SCHULTZ I don't exactly remember. I think she disobeys him in some way. So at first he's just going to obliterate her - DJANGO Obliterate... . what does that mean? Dr.SCHULTZ Like blow up. He pantomimes a explosion. DJANGO Phew, that's pretty mad. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes it is, and like most fathers, given a little time, he calms down a bit. He's still mad at her. He still wants to punish her. Just not ... . blow her up. So instead what he does, is he puts her high on top of a mountain. DJANGO Broomhilda's on a mountain? Dr.SCHULTZ It's a German legend, there's always going to be a mountain in there somewhere. So, he puts her on top of the mountain and he puts a fire breathing dragon there to guard the mountain. And. then he surrounds her in circle of hellfire. And there Broomhilda shall remain, unless a hero arises brave enough to save her. DJANGO Does a fella arise? From now on as Dr.Schultz talks, he's beginning to realize something he wasn't aware of when the conversation started. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes Django, as a matter he does. A fella named, Sigfried. DJANGO Does Sigfried save her? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes he does, and quite spectacularly, so. Now true, he is assisted in his triumph by a truly, truly, remarkable sword, still, having said that, Sigfried triumphs over all of his obstacles not just due to his sword, but due to his courage. He scales the mountain, because he's not afraid of it. He defeats the dragon, because he's not afraid.of him. Dr.SCHULTZ (CON'T) He walks through hellfire because Broomhilda's worth. it. After that last line of dialogue... .the two men just let a moment pass as they nibble on their sandwiches. DJANGO I know how he feels. Dr.SCHULTZ I think I'm just starting to realize that. He pours Django and himself some more tea out of a fancy tea pot, as he thinks about what he's going to say next. Dr.SCHULTZ Look Django, I don't doubt one day you will save your lady love. But I'm afraid I can't let you go to Greenville in a good conscious. Let me ask you a question, how do you like the bounty hunting business? DJANGO Kill white folks, and they pay ya? What's not to like? Dr.SCHULTZ I hafta admit, we make a good team. DJANGO But I'thought you were mad at me for killin' Big John and Rodger? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes, on that occasion, you were a tad overzealous. But normally, that's a good thing. How'd you like to partner up for the winter? DJANGO What'd ya mean partner up? Dr.SCHULTZ You be my deputy, for real this time. A lot of the big money is in outlaw gangs. Some of these fellas are worth fifteen hundred or three thousand a piece. With one man, anything over three men is a risk. But with a partner? Creating cross fire? It's fish in a. barrel. A lot of these gangs hold up in the'hills for the winter. DJANGO You makin' another agreement? W7 Dr.SCHULTZ Yes. You work with me through the winter, till the snow melts. I give you a third of my bounties. And while we're together, I'll teach you a few things you're going to need to know. DJANGO Can you teach me how to make Tony do that head bow thing that Fritz can do? Dr.SCHULTZ That among other things. We make some money this winter, when the snow melts, I'll take you to Greenville myself, and we'll find where they sent your wife. I'm pretty good at finding people. Is it a deal? No white man has ever done anything for Django, just to him. So understandably, he's a little suspicious. DJANGO Why you care what happens to me? Why you care if I find my wife? Dr.SCHULTZ Well frankly, I've never given anybody their freedom before. And now that I have, I feel vaguely responsible for you. You're just not ready to go off on your own, it's that simple. You're too green, you'll get hurt. Plus when a German meets a real life Sigfried,. it's kind of a big deal. As a German, I'm obliged to help you on your quest to rescue your beloved Broomhilda. Django accepts that response. What follows is a MONTAGE covering the five months that Django and Schultz partner up as bounty hunters. Schultz wears his normal ensemble. Django wears his cool looking Green Jacket, unless it's really cold, which a lot of this Montage is. Then he still wears Ace Specks raw hide winter coat over his cool clothes. WE SEE A SCENE to be improvised (more or less), where Dr.Schultz teaches Django how to draw and shoot the pistol in the holster at his hip. By the end of the scene, after trial and error, we see Django's going to be good at this. EXT - HILLSIDE - SUNNY DAY We see Django and Dr.Schultz walking up a hill. Tony and Fritz have been left tied up downhill. Django leads a extra body HORSE (named PONCHO) behind him. Dr.Schultz carries his scope sight rifle in 'a long case. They get to the top of the hill. It overlooks a small farmhouse. Y, 8 DOWN BELOW WE SEE A LITTLE MAN struggling behind a plow, and his FIFTEEN YEAR OLD SON helping him by leading the horse forward. On top of their perch on the hill top, Dr.Schultz says; Dr.SCHULTZ Keep down or he'll see you. DJANGO Who that farmer? Who cares? Dr.SCHULTZ Well since we came here to kill 'em, he just might. DJANGO What? The little man pushin' that plow? Dr.SCHULTZ That little man pushing that plow, is Smitty Bacall. DJANGO Smitty Bacall is a farmer? Dr.SCHULTZ No. Smitty Bacall is a stagecoach robber who's hiding out as a farmer, because there's a seven thousand dollar bounty on his head. He hands Django the scope rifle case. Dr.SCHULTZ And he's all yours my boy. DJANGO lays on his belly, with the Scope Sight up to his eye. SCOPE SIGHT POV: on the Farmer struggling behind his plow, working hard with his horse and his son. Django's finger on the trigger... .but he hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Oh what happened.to mister I wanna kill white folks for money? DJANGO His son's with him. Dr.SCHULTZ Good. He'll have a loved one with him. Maybe even share a last word. That's better then most get, and a damn. sight better then he deserves. 1 9 Django still hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Put down the rifle. Don't worry, I'm not mad at you. Take out Smitty Bacall's handbill. Django removes the folded up handbill from the pocket of his tan pants. Dr.SCHULTZ Read it aloud. Consider it today's lesson. DJANGO (READING) "Wanted, dead or alive. Smitty Bacall and The Smitty Bacall Gang. For murder and stagecoach robbery. Seven thousand dollars for Smitty Bacall. One thousand and five hundred dollars for each of his gang members. Known members of The Smitty Bacall Gang are as follows, DANDY MICHAELS, GERALD NASH, and CRAZY CRAIG KOONS." Dr.SCHULTZ Well done. Bravo. THAT is who Smitty Bacall is. If Smitty Bacall wanted to start a farm at twenty-two, they would never of printed that. (REFERRING TO THE HANDBILL) But Smitty Bacall wanted to rob stagecoaches, and he didn't mind killing people to do it. You want to save your wife by doing what I do? This is what I do. I kill people, and sell their corpses for cash. His corpse is worth seven thousand dollars. Now quit your pussyfootin and shoot him. Django SHOOTS. The Little Man down below behind the plow falls down. The Young Boy doesn't know what happened at first. Then he figures'out his father was just shot. He goes to him in the dirt. Dr.SCHULTZ You need to keep that Smitty Bacall handbill. DJANGO Why? Dr.SCHULTZ It's good luck. You always keep the handbill of your first bounty. They begin walking down the hill, to collect Smitty Bacall's body, leading the extra body horse behind them. 50 As they walk down hill, they watch the little scene of Smitty Bacall's Son cradling his dying father.in his arms, the older man speaking his last words to his son before he dies. Dr.SCHULTZ See, they're having a tender little father son moment now. No doubt the most heartfelt one they've ever had. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - NIGHT It's now full on snowy winter in the hills. Django practices his quick draw against a SNOWMAN he's built. He sticks a BOTTLE in it, so the bottom of the bottle is where the snowman's heart would be. He DRAWS... Shoots the bottle heart! He DRAWS ... Shoots the left coal eye. He DRAWS ... Shoots the right coal eye. He DRAWS... Shoots the carrot nose. Dr.Schultz comes up behind him. Dr.SCHULTZ I think it's safe to say you're faster then the snowman. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - DIFFERENT NIGHT A outlaw gang known as The WILSON - LOWE GANG (five guys) ride through a snowy forest at night. When all five men and their Horses, are SHOT FROM ABOVE. DJANGO AND SCHULTZ up in a tree, FIRING DOWN ON them. EXT - WINTER MOUNTAIN TOWN MAIN STREET - NIGHT The FLAKES continue to FALL HARD as Dr.Schultz and Django ride down the main street of town, pulling poor Poncho who's FULLY LOADED DOWN with five corpses. 571 The local SHERIFF, DON GUS, watches the two men ride up, he knows them. SHERIFF GUS Doctor and Django, how the hell are ya, and who the hell ya got there? Dr.SCHULTZ The Wilson - Lowe Gang. SHERIFF GUS Who the hell's The Wilson - Lowe Gang? Dr.Schultz removes a handbill from his inside jacket pocket, and hands it down to the friendly peace officer. Dr.SCHULTZ Bad Chuck Wilson, and meaner Bobby Lowe. And three of their acolytes. SHERIFF GUS Just leave 'em out here, they ain't going nowhere. And if'in they do, god must love 'em, so who are we to say. Come outta the snowy snow and git yourself some coffee. TNT - SHERIFF GUS'S OFFICE - NIGHT The snow encrusted bounty hunters come inside the lawmans office. They exchange pleasantries about the weather as the Sheriff pours them coffee. After the two frosty gentlemen have drunk some of the hot liquid, they get down to business. As Schultz and Gus discuss the bounties, Django reads the handbills aloud from off the wall. On the third one he reads, WARREN VANDERS, and a two thousand dollar bounty, "That one", Schultz says. Django RIPS IT off the wall. As the winter has progressed, we see they've become a genuine bounty hunting team. And Django, a genuine bounty hunter. EXT - PRETTY MEADOW - DAY The snow has melted, and it's SPRING. And inside of this meadow Django practices his fast draw against five men... .by Schultz throwing FIVE COINS in the air ... DJANGO DRAWS FAST shoots three coins, FIRES again hitting another, then falls to the ground to get the fifth. He looks up from the ground at Schultz. 5L As Schultz collects the coins off the ground, he says; Dr.SCHULTZ You're pretty confident aren't you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ You have reason to be. He holds out his fist, opens his hand, the coins lay in his palm. All the coins have bullet holes dead in their center. He drops them on top of Django. DJANGO Still think I'm too green for Greenville? Dr.Schultz removes a pipe, sticks it in his mouth and says; Dr.SCHULTZ Oh you're ready for Greenville. He lights a match, then lights the pipe, puffing as he says; Dr.SCHULTZ Greenville ready for you, that I'm not so sure. He blows out the match... WE GO TO BLACK What we also saw in the above montage is Django shake off a lifetime of slavery. Django, in his green jacket, in his cowboy hat, on top of his steed Tony, with his gun hanging from his hip, has become his own man. He's not a slave anymore. He's a bounty hunter. BLACK TITLE CARD ACROSS THE SCREEN ONE LETTER AT A TIME STYLE (ala "Rocky" and "FLASHDANCE") MISSISSIPPI CUT TO EXT - THE TOWN OF GREENVILLE MISSISSIPPI - DAY The whole Main Street of Greenville is thick with five inches of shit brown mud that all the horse hooves, and wagon wheels, and slave feet have to wade through to get from one end of the town to the other. 53 We see Django and Dr.Schultz enter the town, and slosh their horses in the mud,, down the main street of Greenville Mississippi. The buying and selling of slaves is what the whole town is built around. BLACK MEN, WOMEN, and CHILDREN in BONDAGE are everywhere you look. LINES OF CHAINED SLAVES being marched one way or the other, move through the muddy streets of Greenville. WHITE MEN on horses move them along. BUCKBOARDS filled with DOMESTIC SLAVES (HOUSE NIGGERS), and pretty PONYS, driven by WHITE MEN roll through the street. A YOUNG WHITE BOY (14 years old), a shepherd, leads a bunch of SLAVE CHILDREN through town. A SHEPHERD'S DOG, HELPS HIM OUT BY MOVING THE KIDS ALONG. Impromptu slave auctions take place on almost every block. A SUBTITLE APPEARS on the bottom of the screen: GREENVILLE CHICKASAW COUNTY, MISSISSIPPI Dr.Schultz takes in this African flesh market, where human beings sell other human beings, with disgust and a little bit of shock. Django is neither disgusted or. shocked, he knows first hand how Greenville operates. As he rides Tony through town in his snappy duds, he looks'at the BLACK MEN half dressed: in chains. He REMEMBERS HIMSELF with his six Other Companions from earlier, being walked through the mud of Main Street by The Speck Brothers. On that day he might as well of been a steer. Today, with a gun on his hip, money in his pocket, in his snappy outfit, astride his steed Tony, he feels so different from these wretched half naked bastards it gives him a bit of a chill. Django sees the towns railroad depot, and across from it a huge SLAVE PEN, like a STEER CORRAL. At the moment there's no train in the depot. WE FLASH ON The TRAIN, at a earlier time, pulling into the depot. INSIDE ONE OF THE BOXCARS amidst a boxcar full of shirtless BLACK MALES, Django watches the train pull into the station, from inside the wooden slates of the boxcar.: A hatch in the roof of the boxcar is NOISILY YANKED OPEN, and TWO WHITE SLAVE TRADERS (RUSS AND JUDD), peer down at their human cargo. JUDD Good god almighty these niggers stink! I F RUSS Niggers stink, where's the shock? (to the Slaves BELOW) Okay you bucks, listen up, and listen well, I'm only gonna say this once. There's a slave corral right across from this boxcar. We gittin ready to open these doors. When we do, y'all run as fast as you can, right into that pen. 'Anyone gittin off trail, gonna get hurt and hurt bad. Now you niggers better comprehend. And that goes for any African garboons amongst y'all can't understand english ... . your American buddies better shove your ass in the right direction, or your trip to this country is going to be short, and pointless. Train to pen as fast as you can! The boxcar door is slid open, and a HUNDRED AND FIFTY BLACK MALES run full out from the train to the steer corral. We spot Django during the running. Once inside the corral, the gate is closed. COWBOYS with rifles act as prison guards. INSIDE THE CORRAL through the wooden posts, in the distance, Django watches them open up the boxcar holding the females. They do their run to their pen out of view. Django catches a quick glimpse of Broomhild.a running with the other LADIES, then she's gone from view. BACK TO DJANGO (PRESENT) Django and Dr.Schultz on top of their horses, taking in the sight of Greenville. Dr.SCHULTZ It's a spectacle out of Dante. DJANGO You should see it from the other side. Dr.SCHULTZ Frankly, I don't know if I could endure this. DJANGO You'd be surprised what you can endure. (BEAT) Where to? 675 Dr.SCHULTZ Records office. CUT TO INT - RECORDS OFFICE - DAY Dr.Schultz and Django walk into a records office, lined with books. We watch through the store front window, the black man and white man enter, and Dr.Schultz present his business card to a Dickensian looking RECORDS OFFICE WORKER. As Schultz starts his spellbinding with words routine... . The CAMERA FADES TO BLACK. BLACK TITLE CARD: BROOMHILDA INT - SLAVE PEN - DAY The same shot we saw before of Django fighting his way to the bars of the slave pen, to get a better last look of Broomhilda. Broomhilda, as before is walked by in the distance. Then, as before Django loses sight of her. EXT - MAIN STREET - GREENVILLE - DAY We follow in front of Broomhilda being lead out of the slave pen by TWO WHITE MALE SLAVERS. Her bare feet slosh in the Main Street mud, and the leg irons scrap her ankles. Up until now everything you've ever seen of Broomhilda, has only been in Django's Spaghetti Western Flashbacks. In other words, from his perspective, and memory. This is the,only time the story will shift to Broomhilda's perspective. The strong but frightened girl is led out on to the hustle and bustle, and wagon wheels and horse hoofs of Main Street. Broomhilda is not taken into that three story auction arena that Django was sold in at the beginning. Instead She's just lifted up on a parked buckboard wagon. Her SELLER (CLYDE) starts his pitch on the TWELVE or so BUYERS that watch this puny make shift auction. BROOMHILDA looks down into the crowd of twelve ugly white men, and holds her breath which one will buy her. Among the ugly white men we see Mr.HARMONY (MIKE), not quite as ugly as the rest. An older well dressed, classy gentleman. Next to him is his twenty four year old overweight awkward son SCOTTY HARMONY. Scotty in the audience, and Broomhilda on the wagon, THEIR EYES MEET, he nudges his dad. The Seller makes her expose her breasts to the small crowd. Then her back, revealing her whip marks. Then pointing out the runaway "r" branded in her cheek. Some of the crowd, including Scotty, react with repulsion at the sight of the whip marks. The Seller assures the crowd, that niggers don't feel pain like white folks, and it only makes the women more gentle. SELLER - CLYDE Fellahs, you ain't felt gentle, till you felt nigger gal gentle. UGLY MAN makes a bid. BROOMHILDA yikes. UGLIER MAN higher bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. UGLIER BY FAR GUY makes leap frog big bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. BIG GREASY FAT GUY makes a bid. BIG FAT GREASY BEAVER PELT COVERED TRAPPER makes a bid. A GIGGLING LEERING GROUP OF BROTHERS make a bid. A SEVENTY FIVE YEAR OLD INDIAN ON A MULE makes a bid. Mr.Harmony makes a bid for his son Scotty. Broomhilda notices that. And makes more eye contact with Scotty. They look at each other as Mr.Harmony continues to bid. A LITERARY NARRATOR comes on the soundtrack. NARRATOR (VO) On that day, eight months ago, the auction was won by Mike Harmony, as a birthday present for his fat boy son Scotty. Mr.Harmony congratulates his son. From on top of the buckboard Broomhilda looks down at her new owners. Later they leave for the Harmony house. Scotty lifts Broomhilda up into the back of the buckboard. He hands her a little white bag. SCOTTY This is for you. She opens the bag,candies of many colors sit in it. SCOTTY They're jelly beans. Try one. She selects a yellow one and puts it in her mouth. SCOTTY Good huh? She nods her head, yes. We see him drive the buckboard out of Greenville with Broomhilda in the back eating her bag of jelly beans. $XT - COUNTRY ROAD - DAY The buckboard makes its way down a country road. Broomhilda in the back, and Scotty driving the wagon. Scotty bought her, but he's too scared to talk to her. Broomhilda's muddy bare feet dangle off the wagon. She's beginning to realize the young master is the shy type. BROOMHILDA Master Scotty... ? SCOTTY Yes Broomhilda? BROOMHILDA I'm lonely back here. Can I come on up with you on that seat so we can talk? SCOTTY Please, I'd love that. She climbs into the driver's seat. In more ways then one. '8 EXT - THE HARMONY HOUSE - DAY A nice two story southern house. Very nice, but hardly a plantation. The household's FOUR DOMESTIC SLAVES. Broomhilda will be the fifth. The buckboard pulls up to the front of the house. Scotty's mother, Mrs.HARMONY (MARY LOUISE), waits to meet her son, and his new bought nigger gal. The older lady looks the black girl up and down and says to her; Mrs.HARMONY What's your name, gal? BROOMHILDA Broomhilda. Mrs.HARMONY Follow me. into the kitchen, ('to her son) You stay out here. INT - KITCHEN - DAY Mrs.Harmony brings Broomhilda in her kitchen. The TWO DOMESTIC SLAVES that were in, there are chased out by the boss lady. Mrs.Harmony grabs Broomhilda by the wrist, and tells her; Mrs.HARMONY I want to have a word with you, wench. You met my boy Scotty. You can tell ain't no white girl gonna fool with him. And if they do fool with him, they fool with him for the wrong reason. Boy's twenty four, he still ain't a man yet. That's why you're here. Be nice to him. He's a very sweet boy. Play him right, he'll eat bird seed out of your palm. Play 'em wrong, you'll deal with me. BROOMHILDA I like Scotty. He's just shy is all. All he needs is a little confidence. Mrs.HARMONY And you'll give that to him? BROOMHILDA I'll do my best, mam. Scotty's a real sweet boy. Mrs.HARMONY He is, isn't he? BROOMHILDA Ah-huh. The mother lets go of the young lady's wrist. 19 NARRATOR (VO) Basically The Harmony's bought a slave bride for young master Scotty that day. And the two kids had a nice time playing house for awhile. We see Scotty and Broomhilda catching butterflies in butterfly nets in the daytime.. At night they catch LIGHTNING BUGS together. At night in Scotty's bed, while the young man lay fast asleep, Broomhilda looks at her jelly jar of GLOWING LIGHTNING BUGS. NARRATOR (VO) As Scotty's sort of defacto sweetheart, if no visitors were about, Broomhilda would even join the family at their dinner table. We see them at dinner eating fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. NARRATOR.(VO) And pretty soon she was adopted into a member of the family. Mrs.Harmony and Broomhilda sewing together. The Harmony family and Broomhilda playing croquet in the front yard. After dinner, Mrs.Harmony entertaining the family by playing the piano. Mr.Harmony reading the women and his son a story from a storybook. NARRATOR (VO) Scotty was never happier. Scotty and Broomhilda walking holding hands at Southern magic hour. Broomhilda having sex with Scotty, baby talking with him, talking him through it, making him feel loved and secure. NARRATOR (VO) After three months of this bliss, Scotty decided to take Broomhilda for a romantic weekend in Greenville. SCOTTY AND BROOMHILDA drive through the Main Street of Greenville, dressed to the nines, in a fancy carriage. Broomhilda dressed in a beautiful white lace dress, complete with white lace gloves, fancy ladies hat, and white parasol. Scotty, very proud of his pretty Pony, is dressed in a fashion best described as plantation pimp daddy. 6O NARRATOR (VO) White masters would take their pretty Ponys to Greenville for a treat or romantic excursion, for two reasons-One, seeing how bad the other slaves had it, always made the papered Ponys appreciate their privilege position, (just in case they'd forgot). BROOMHILDA holding her parasol, looking like a black Daisy Miller, watches the OTHER SLAVES march by in the mud. They watch her too. INT - HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT Broomhilda and Scotty, and their luggage, move into the fancy hotel lobby, and rent a room at the front desk. INSERT: HOTEL REGISTRY Scotty signs his name. The DESK CLERKS HAND checks the box on the registry book that indicates darkee female companion. INT -. GREENVILLE - NIGHT Greenville at night is a little different. At night, RICH WHITE MASTERS showing off their Ponys (like Scotty), rule the streets. NARRATOR (VO) And two, there was a sliver of society that ran through Greenville at night that catered to white masters who were infected with a condition that was normally referred to as, "Nigger love." At night the streets, the bars, bistros, and buggy rides were ruled by rich white masters showing off their pretty Pony's. EXT - CLEOPATRA CLUB - NIGHT An establishing shot.of the three story house that has been converted into private club called, The Cleopatra Club. NARRATOR (VO) But the crown jewel of all this interracial frivolity, was the members only, Cleopatra Club. INSERT: GOLD PLAQUE with the name, THE CLEOPATRA CLUB on it, next to it is a profile of Nefertiti. 6! INT - THE CLEOPATRA CLUB - RESTAURANT - NIGHT The interracial joint is jumping (as long as by interracial you mean white men and black women). Scotty and Broomhilda are enjoying a fancy dinner in the clubs dining room. We see across the dining room, the powerful white man, CALVIN CANDIE, sitting with some White Men and some Black Ponys, eyeing Broomhilda. SCOTTY I gotta tell you Broomhilda - I don't care if I go to. hell for this - I love you. And if loving you means I go to

extremism

How many times the word 'extremism' appears in the text?

'em. SPENCER'S HORSE his hooves race and rip up the grass. SPENCER riding for his life... DJANGO scope sight rifle up to his eye. Dr.SCHULTZ He's getting out of range. DJANGO I got 'em. INSERT: A black finger squeezes the rifle trigger. SPENCER BENNETT we're behind him as he rides away, OFF SCREEN we hear the whistling of what sounds like an incoming missle. SPENCER BENNETT we're in.front of Spencer Bennett as he rides, when Django's bullet, RIPS THROUGH his CHEST. DJANGO DJANGO I got 'em. SPENCER BENNETT falls from his horse, dead. DJANGO scope sight rifle in his hand, big smile on his face, looks.to Dr.Schultz. Dr.SCHULTZ Like that, huh? Referring to the scope sight rifle; DJANGO I like. Dr.SCHULTZ Well, I think while they take this opportunity to lick their wounds, we should take this opportunity to get the fuck out of Tennessee. They hop out of the tree. MONTAGE Dr.Schultz in a big city, buying Django a new saddle. Django gets his first initial "D" etched into it. The men go to different stores to purchase Django's wardrobe. The outfit bought, is selected by Django, with suggestions offered by Schultz. When he's done, Django looks damn handsome in his new duds. Brown cowboy boots, Green Corduroy Jacket, Smokey Grey Shirt, Tan Skin Tight Pants, and Light Brown Cowboy Hat. He looks a. bit like Elvis in "Flaming Star" and a Little Joe Cartwright on "Bonanza". However, tellingly, he keeps Ace Speck's Winter Coat as his winter coat. EXT - COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY Django, sitting on his new saddle, in his new duds, rides alongside the good doctor Schultz. The German carries a PICNIC BASKET. Dr.SCHULTZ But I'm serious son, Greenville is just too dangerous for you to go fucking around there. You're a freed, slave, you should be in New York. You shouldn't be in Greenville, you shouldn't even be forty miles on any side of Greenville., You shouldn't be anywhere in Mississippi. DJANGO She's my wife, it's my job to look after her. If Greenville's where I gotta go to find out where she went, then I gotta go. Now you were sayin' where I gotta go first? Dr.SCHULTZ There'should be some sort of records office. You know when she was sold, you know where she came from, the Carrucan Plantation, and you know her name ... . what is her name? DJANGO Broomhilda. Schultz reacts. Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda? Django.nods his head yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Were her owners German? Now Django reacts, "How did he know that? DJANGO Yeah, how did you know? She wasn't born on The Carrucan Plantation. She was raised by a German mistress, The Von Shafts. She can speak a little German too. Dr.SCHULTZ Your wife? DJANGO Yeah, when she was little her mistress taught her so she'd have somebody to talk German with. Dr.SCHULTZ So let me get this straight, your slave wife speaks German, and her name is Broomhilda Von Shaft...? DJANGO Yep. Mouthful, huh? Dr.SCHULTZ To say the least. (stopping the horse) This looks like a very pretty place to have our picnic. What'd ya say, here? TIME CUT EXT - PICNIC IN COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY The two men sit on a blanket with a nice picnic spread spread out. Django eats a cucumber sandwich with the crust cut off, and drinks a cup of tea. DJANGO How did you know Broomhilda's first masters were German? Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda is a German name. If they named her, it stands to reason they'd be German. DJANGO Lotsa gals where you from named Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ No, not so much. Broomhilda is the name of a character in one of the most popular of all the German legends. DJANGO Really? There's a story 'bout Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes there is. DJANGO Do you know it? Dr.SCHULTZ Every German knows that story. Would you like me to tell you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Well Broomhilda was a princess. She was the daughter of Wotan, the god of all gods. Anyway, her father is really mad at her. DJANGO What she do.? Dr.SCHULTZ I don't exactly remember. I think she disobeys him in some way. So at first he's just going to obliterate her - DJANGO Obliterate... . what does that mean? Dr.SCHULTZ Like blow up. He pantomimes a explosion. DJANGO Phew, that's pretty mad. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes it is, and like most fathers, given a little time, he calms down a bit. He's still mad at her. He still wants to punish her. Just not ... . blow her up. So instead what he does, is he puts her high on top of a mountain. DJANGO Broomhilda's on a mountain? Dr.SCHULTZ It's a German legend, there's always going to be a mountain in there somewhere. So, he puts her on top of the mountain and he puts a fire breathing dragon there to guard the mountain. And. then he surrounds her in circle of hellfire. And there Broomhilda shall remain, unless a hero arises brave enough to save her. DJANGO Does a fella arise? From now on as Dr.Schultz talks, he's beginning to realize something he wasn't aware of when the conversation started. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes Django, as a matter he does. A fella named, Sigfried. DJANGO Does Sigfried save her? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes he does, and quite spectacularly, so. Now true, he is assisted in his triumph by a truly, truly, remarkable sword, still, having said that, Sigfried triumphs over all of his obstacles not just due to his sword, but due to his courage. He scales the mountain, because he's not afraid of it. He defeats the dragon, because he's not afraid.of him. Dr.SCHULTZ (CON'T) He walks through hellfire because Broomhilda's worth. it. After that last line of dialogue... .the two men just let a moment pass as they nibble on their sandwiches. DJANGO I know how he feels. Dr.SCHULTZ I think I'm just starting to realize that. He pours Django and himself some more tea out of a fancy tea pot, as he thinks about what he's going to say next. Dr.SCHULTZ Look Django, I don't doubt one day you will save your lady love. But I'm afraid I can't let you go to Greenville in a good conscious. Let me ask you a question, how do you like the bounty hunting business? DJANGO Kill white folks, and they pay ya? What's not to like? Dr.SCHULTZ I hafta admit, we make a good team. DJANGO But I'thought you were mad at me for killin' Big John and Rodger? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes, on that occasion, you were a tad overzealous. But normally, that's a good thing. How'd you like to partner up for the winter? DJANGO What'd ya mean partner up? Dr.SCHULTZ You be my deputy, for real this time. A lot of the big money is in outlaw gangs. Some of these fellas are worth fifteen hundred or three thousand a piece. With one man, anything over three men is a risk. But with a partner? Creating cross fire? It's fish in a. barrel. A lot of these gangs hold up in the'hills for the winter. DJANGO You makin' another agreement? W7 Dr.SCHULTZ Yes. You work with me through the winter, till the snow melts. I give you a third of my bounties. And while we're together, I'll teach you a few things you're going to need to know. DJANGO Can you teach me how to make Tony do that head bow thing that Fritz can do? Dr.SCHULTZ That among other things. We make some money this winter, when the snow melts, I'll take you to Greenville myself, and we'll find where they sent your wife. I'm pretty good at finding people. Is it a deal? No white man has ever done anything for Django, just to him. So understandably, he's a little suspicious. DJANGO Why you care what happens to me? Why you care if I find my wife? Dr.SCHULTZ Well frankly, I've never given anybody their freedom before. And now that I have, I feel vaguely responsible for you. You're just not ready to go off on your own, it's that simple. You're too green, you'll get hurt. Plus when a German meets a real life Sigfried,. it's kind of a big deal. As a German, I'm obliged to help you on your quest to rescue your beloved Broomhilda. Django accepts that response. What follows is a MONTAGE covering the five months that Django and Schultz partner up as bounty hunters. Schultz wears his normal ensemble. Django wears his cool looking Green Jacket, unless it's really cold, which a lot of this Montage is. Then he still wears Ace Specks raw hide winter coat over his cool clothes. WE SEE A SCENE to be improvised (more or less), where Dr.Schultz teaches Django how to draw and shoot the pistol in the holster at his hip. By the end of the scene, after trial and error, we see Django's going to be good at this. EXT - HILLSIDE - SUNNY DAY We see Django and Dr.Schultz walking up a hill. Tony and Fritz have been left tied up downhill. Django leads a extra body HORSE (named PONCHO) behind him. Dr.Schultz carries his scope sight rifle in 'a long case. They get to the top of the hill. It overlooks a small farmhouse. Y, 8 DOWN BELOW WE SEE A LITTLE MAN struggling behind a plow, and his FIFTEEN YEAR OLD SON helping him by leading the horse forward. On top of their perch on the hill top, Dr.Schultz says; Dr.SCHULTZ Keep down or he'll see you. DJANGO Who that farmer? Who cares? Dr.SCHULTZ Well since we came here to kill 'em, he just might. DJANGO What? The little man pushin' that plow? Dr.SCHULTZ That little man pushing that plow, is Smitty Bacall. DJANGO Smitty Bacall is a farmer? Dr.SCHULTZ No. Smitty Bacall is a stagecoach robber who's hiding out as a farmer, because there's a seven thousand dollar bounty on his head. He hands Django the scope rifle case. Dr.SCHULTZ And he's all yours my boy. DJANGO lays on his belly, with the Scope Sight up to his eye. SCOPE SIGHT POV: on the Farmer struggling behind his plow, working hard with his horse and his son. Django's finger on the trigger... .but he hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Oh what happened.to mister I wanna kill white folks for money? DJANGO His son's with him. Dr.SCHULTZ Good. He'll have a loved one with him. Maybe even share a last word. That's better then most get, and a damn. sight better then he deserves. 1 9 Django still hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Put down the rifle. Don't worry, I'm not mad at you. Take out Smitty Bacall's handbill. Django removes the folded up handbill from the pocket of his tan pants. Dr.SCHULTZ Read it aloud. Consider it today's lesson. DJANGO (READING) "Wanted, dead or alive. Smitty Bacall and The Smitty Bacall Gang. For murder and stagecoach robbery. Seven thousand dollars for Smitty Bacall. One thousand and five hundred dollars for each of his gang members. Known members of The Smitty Bacall Gang are as follows, DANDY MICHAELS, GERALD NASH, and CRAZY CRAIG KOONS." Dr.SCHULTZ Well done. Bravo. THAT is who Smitty Bacall is. If Smitty Bacall wanted to start a farm at twenty-two, they would never of printed that. (REFERRING TO THE HANDBILL) But Smitty Bacall wanted to rob stagecoaches, and he didn't mind killing people to do it. You want to save your wife by doing what I do? This is what I do. I kill people, and sell their corpses for cash. His corpse is worth seven thousand dollars. Now quit your pussyfootin and shoot him. Django SHOOTS. The Little Man down below behind the plow falls down. The Young Boy doesn't know what happened at first. Then he figures'out his father was just shot. He goes to him in the dirt. Dr.SCHULTZ You need to keep that Smitty Bacall handbill. DJANGO Why? Dr.SCHULTZ It's good luck. You always keep the handbill of your first bounty. They begin walking down the hill, to collect Smitty Bacall's body, leading the extra body horse behind them. 50 As they walk down hill, they watch the little scene of Smitty Bacall's Son cradling his dying father.in his arms, the older man speaking his last words to his son before he dies. Dr.SCHULTZ See, they're having a tender little father son moment now. No doubt the most heartfelt one they've ever had. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - NIGHT It's now full on snowy winter in the hills. Django practices his quick draw against a SNOWMAN he's built. He sticks a BOTTLE in it, so the bottom of the bottle is where the snowman's heart would be. He DRAWS... Shoots the bottle heart! He DRAWS ... Shoots the left coal eye. He DRAWS ... Shoots the right coal eye. He DRAWS... Shoots the carrot nose. Dr.Schultz comes up behind him. Dr.SCHULTZ I think it's safe to say you're faster then the snowman. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - DIFFERENT NIGHT A outlaw gang known as The WILSON - LOWE GANG (five guys) ride through a snowy forest at night. When all five men and their Horses, are SHOT FROM ABOVE. DJANGO AND SCHULTZ up in a tree, FIRING DOWN ON them. EXT - WINTER MOUNTAIN TOWN MAIN STREET - NIGHT The FLAKES continue to FALL HARD as Dr.Schultz and Django ride down the main street of town, pulling poor Poncho who's FULLY LOADED DOWN with five corpses. 571 The local SHERIFF, DON GUS, watches the two men ride up, he knows them. SHERIFF GUS Doctor and Django, how the hell are ya, and who the hell ya got there? Dr.SCHULTZ The Wilson - Lowe Gang. SHERIFF GUS Who the hell's The Wilson - Lowe Gang? Dr.Schultz removes a handbill from his inside jacket pocket, and hands it down to the friendly peace officer. Dr.SCHULTZ Bad Chuck Wilson, and meaner Bobby Lowe. And three of their acolytes. SHERIFF GUS Just leave 'em out here, they ain't going nowhere. And if'in they do, god must love 'em, so who are we to say. Come outta the snowy snow and git yourself some coffee. TNT - SHERIFF GUS'S OFFICE - NIGHT The snow encrusted bounty hunters come inside the lawmans office. They exchange pleasantries about the weather as the Sheriff pours them coffee. After the two frosty gentlemen have drunk some of the hot liquid, they get down to business. As Schultz and Gus discuss the bounties, Django reads the handbills aloud from off the wall. On the third one he reads, WARREN VANDERS, and a two thousand dollar bounty, "That one", Schultz says. Django RIPS IT off the wall. As the winter has progressed, we see they've become a genuine bounty hunting team. And Django, a genuine bounty hunter. EXT - PRETTY MEADOW - DAY The snow has melted, and it's SPRING. And inside of this meadow Django practices his fast draw against five men... .by Schultz throwing FIVE COINS in the air ... DJANGO DRAWS FAST shoots three coins, FIRES again hitting another, then falls to the ground to get the fifth. He looks up from the ground at Schultz. 5L As Schultz collects the coins off the ground, he says; Dr.SCHULTZ You're pretty confident aren't you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ You have reason to be. He holds out his fist, opens his hand, the coins lay in his palm. All the coins have bullet holes dead in their center. He drops them on top of Django. DJANGO Still think I'm too green for Greenville? Dr.Schultz removes a pipe, sticks it in his mouth and says; Dr.SCHULTZ Oh you're ready for Greenville. He lights a match, then lights the pipe, puffing as he says; Dr.SCHULTZ Greenville ready for you, that I'm not so sure. He blows out the match... WE GO TO BLACK What we also saw in the above montage is Django shake off a lifetime of slavery. Django, in his green jacket, in his cowboy hat, on top of his steed Tony, with his gun hanging from his hip, has become his own man. He's not a slave anymore. He's a bounty hunter. BLACK TITLE CARD ACROSS THE SCREEN ONE LETTER AT A TIME STYLE (ala "Rocky" and "FLASHDANCE") MISSISSIPPI CUT TO EXT - THE TOWN OF GREENVILLE MISSISSIPPI - DAY The whole Main Street of Greenville is thick with five inches of shit brown mud that all the horse hooves, and wagon wheels, and slave feet have to wade through to get from one end of the town to the other. 53 We see Django and Dr.Schultz enter the town, and slosh their horses in the mud,, down the main street of Greenville Mississippi. The buying and selling of slaves is what the whole town is built around. BLACK MEN, WOMEN, and CHILDREN in BONDAGE are everywhere you look. LINES OF CHAINED SLAVES being marched one way or the other, move through the muddy streets of Greenville. WHITE MEN on horses move them along. BUCKBOARDS filled with DOMESTIC SLAVES (HOUSE NIGGERS), and pretty PONYS, driven by WHITE MEN roll through the street. A YOUNG WHITE BOY (14 years old), a shepherd, leads a bunch of SLAVE CHILDREN through town. A SHEPHERD'S DOG, HELPS HIM OUT BY MOVING THE KIDS ALONG. Impromptu slave auctions take place on almost every block. A SUBTITLE APPEARS on the bottom of the screen: GREENVILLE CHICKASAW COUNTY, MISSISSIPPI Dr.Schultz takes in this African flesh market, where human beings sell other human beings, with disgust and a little bit of shock. Django is neither disgusted or. shocked, he knows first hand how Greenville operates. As he rides Tony through town in his snappy duds, he looks'at the BLACK MEN half dressed: in chains. He REMEMBERS HIMSELF with his six Other Companions from earlier, being walked through the mud of Main Street by The Speck Brothers. On that day he might as well of been a steer. Today, with a gun on his hip, money in his pocket, in his snappy outfit, astride his steed Tony, he feels so different from these wretched half naked bastards it gives him a bit of a chill. Django sees the towns railroad depot, and across from it a huge SLAVE PEN, like a STEER CORRAL. At the moment there's no train in the depot. WE FLASH ON The TRAIN, at a earlier time, pulling into the depot. INSIDE ONE OF THE BOXCARS amidst a boxcar full of shirtless BLACK MALES, Django watches the train pull into the station, from inside the wooden slates of the boxcar.: A hatch in the roof of the boxcar is NOISILY YANKED OPEN, and TWO WHITE SLAVE TRADERS (RUSS AND JUDD), peer down at their human cargo. JUDD Good god almighty these niggers stink! I F RUSS Niggers stink, where's the shock? (to the Slaves BELOW) Okay you bucks, listen up, and listen well, I'm only gonna say this once. There's a slave corral right across from this boxcar. We gittin ready to open these doors. When we do, y'all run as fast as you can, right into that pen. 'Anyone gittin off trail, gonna get hurt and hurt bad. Now you niggers better comprehend. And that goes for any African garboons amongst y'all can't understand english ... . your American buddies better shove your ass in the right direction, or your trip to this country is going to be short, and pointless. Train to pen as fast as you can! The boxcar door is slid open, and a HUNDRED AND FIFTY BLACK MALES run full out from the train to the steer corral. We spot Django during the running. Once inside the corral, the gate is closed. COWBOYS with rifles act as prison guards. INSIDE THE CORRAL through the wooden posts, in the distance, Django watches them open up the boxcar holding the females. They do their run to their pen out of view. Django catches a quick glimpse of Broomhild.a running with the other LADIES, then she's gone from view. BACK TO DJANGO (PRESENT) Django and Dr.Schultz on top of their horses, taking in the sight of Greenville. Dr.SCHULTZ It's a spectacle out of Dante. DJANGO You should see it from the other side. Dr.SCHULTZ Frankly, I don't know if I could endure this. DJANGO You'd be surprised what you can endure. (BEAT) Where to? 675 Dr.SCHULTZ Records office. CUT TO INT - RECORDS OFFICE - DAY Dr.Schultz and Django walk into a records office, lined with books. We watch through the store front window, the black man and white man enter, and Dr.Schultz present his business card to a Dickensian looking RECORDS OFFICE WORKER. As Schultz starts his spellbinding with words routine... . The CAMERA FADES TO BLACK. BLACK TITLE CARD: BROOMHILDA INT - SLAVE PEN - DAY The same shot we saw before of Django fighting his way to the bars of the slave pen, to get a better last look of Broomhilda. Broomhilda, as before is walked by in the distance. Then, as before Django loses sight of her. EXT - MAIN STREET - GREENVILLE - DAY We follow in front of Broomhilda being lead out of the slave pen by TWO WHITE MALE SLAVERS. Her bare feet slosh in the Main Street mud, and the leg irons scrap her ankles. Up until now everything you've ever seen of Broomhilda, has only been in Django's Spaghetti Western Flashbacks. In other words, from his perspective, and memory. This is the,only time the story will shift to Broomhilda's perspective. The strong but frightened girl is led out on to the hustle and bustle, and wagon wheels and horse hoofs of Main Street. Broomhilda is not taken into that three story auction arena that Django was sold in at the beginning. Instead She's just lifted up on a parked buckboard wagon. Her SELLER (CLYDE) starts his pitch on the TWELVE or so BUYERS that watch this puny make shift auction. BROOMHILDA looks down into the crowd of twelve ugly white men, and holds her breath which one will buy her. Among the ugly white men we see Mr.HARMONY (MIKE), not quite as ugly as the rest. An older well dressed, classy gentleman. Next to him is his twenty four year old overweight awkward son SCOTTY HARMONY. Scotty in the audience, and Broomhilda on the wagon, THEIR EYES MEET, he nudges his dad. The Seller makes her expose her breasts to the small crowd. Then her back, revealing her whip marks. Then pointing out the runaway "r" branded in her cheek. Some of the crowd, including Scotty, react with repulsion at the sight of the whip marks. The Seller assures the crowd, that niggers don't feel pain like white folks, and it only makes the women more gentle. SELLER - CLYDE Fellahs, you ain't felt gentle, till you felt nigger gal gentle. UGLY MAN makes a bid. BROOMHILDA yikes. UGLIER MAN higher bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. UGLIER BY FAR GUY makes leap frog big bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. BIG GREASY FAT GUY makes a bid. BIG FAT GREASY BEAVER PELT COVERED TRAPPER makes a bid. A GIGGLING LEERING GROUP OF BROTHERS make a bid. A SEVENTY FIVE YEAR OLD INDIAN ON A MULE makes a bid. Mr.Harmony makes a bid for his son Scotty. Broomhilda notices that. And makes more eye contact with Scotty. They look at each other as Mr.Harmony continues to bid. A LITERARY NARRATOR comes on the soundtrack. NARRATOR (VO) On that day, eight months ago, the auction was won by Mike Harmony, as a birthday present for his fat boy son Scotty. Mr.Harmony congratulates his son. From on top of the buckboard Broomhilda looks down at her new owners. Later they leave for the Harmony house. Scotty lifts Broomhilda up into the back of the buckboard. He hands her a little white bag. SCOTTY This is for you. She opens the bag,candies of many colors sit in it. SCOTTY They're jelly beans. Try one. She selects a yellow one and puts it in her mouth. SCOTTY Good huh? She nods her head, yes. We see him drive the buckboard out of Greenville with Broomhilda in the back eating her bag of jelly beans. $XT - COUNTRY ROAD - DAY The buckboard makes its way down a country road. Broomhilda in the back, and Scotty driving the wagon. Scotty bought her, but he's too scared to talk to her. Broomhilda's muddy bare feet dangle off the wagon. She's beginning to realize the young master is the shy type. BROOMHILDA Master Scotty... ? SCOTTY Yes Broomhilda? BROOMHILDA I'm lonely back here. Can I come on up with you on that seat so we can talk? SCOTTY Please, I'd love that. She climbs into the driver's seat. In more ways then one. '8 EXT - THE HARMONY HOUSE - DAY A nice two story southern house. Very nice, but hardly a plantation. The household's FOUR DOMESTIC SLAVES. Broomhilda will be the fifth. The buckboard pulls up to the front of the house. Scotty's mother, Mrs.HARMONY (MARY LOUISE), waits to meet her son, and his new bought nigger gal. The older lady looks the black girl up and down and says to her; Mrs.HARMONY What's your name, gal? BROOMHILDA Broomhilda. Mrs.HARMONY Follow me. into the kitchen, ('to her son) You stay out here. INT - KITCHEN - DAY Mrs.Harmony brings Broomhilda in her kitchen. The TWO DOMESTIC SLAVES that were in, there are chased out by the boss lady. Mrs.Harmony grabs Broomhilda by the wrist, and tells her; Mrs.HARMONY I want to have a word with you, wench. You met my boy Scotty. You can tell ain't no white girl gonna fool with him. And if they do fool with him, they fool with him for the wrong reason. Boy's twenty four, he still ain't a man yet. That's why you're here. Be nice to him. He's a very sweet boy. Play him right, he'll eat bird seed out of your palm. Play 'em wrong, you'll deal with me. BROOMHILDA I like Scotty. He's just shy is all. All he needs is a little confidence. Mrs.HARMONY And you'll give that to him? BROOMHILDA I'll do my best, mam. Scotty's a real sweet boy. Mrs.HARMONY He is, isn't he? BROOMHILDA Ah-huh. The mother lets go of the young lady's wrist. 19 NARRATOR (VO) Basically The Harmony's bought a slave bride for young master Scotty that day. And the two kids had a nice time playing house for awhile. We see Scotty and Broomhilda catching butterflies in butterfly nets in the daytime.. At night they catch LIGHTNING BUGS together. At night in Scotty's bed, while the young man lay fast asleep, Broomhilda looks at her jelly jar of GLOWING LIGHTNING BUGS. NARRATOR (VO) As Scotty's sort of defacto sweetheart, if no visitors were about, Broomhilda would even join the family at their dinner table. We see them at dinner eating fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. NARRATOR.(VO) And pretty soon she was adopted into a member of the family. Mrs.Harmony and Broomhilda sewing together. The Harmony family and Broomhilda playing croquet in the front yard. After dinner, Mrs.Harmony entertaining the family by playing the piano. Mr.Harmony reading the women and his son a story from a storybook. NARRATOR (VO) Scotty was never happier. Scotty and Broomhilda walking holding hands at Southern magic hour. Broomhilda having sex with Scotty, baby talking with him, talking him through it, making him feel loved and secure. NARRATOR (VO) After three months of this bliss, Scotty decided to take Broomhilda for a romantic weekend in Greenville. SCOTTY AND BROOMHILDA drive through the Main Street of Greenville, dressed to the nines, in a fancy carriage. Broomhilda dressed in a beautiful white lace dress, complete with white lace gloves, fancy ladies hat, and white parasol. Scotty, very proud of his pretty Pony, is dressed in a fashion best described as plantation pimp daddy. 6O NARRATOR (VO) White masters would take their pretty Ponys to Greenville for a treat or romantic excursion, for two reasons-One, seeing how bad the other slaves had it, always made the papered Ponys appreciate their privilege position, (just in case they'd forgot). BROOMHILDA holding her parasol, looking like a black Daisy Miller, watches the OTHER SLAVES march by in the mud. They watch her too. INT - HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT Broomhilda and Scotty, and their luggage, move into the fancy hotel lobby, and rent a room at the front desk. INSERT: HOTEL REGISTRY Scotty signs his name. The DESK CLERKS HAND checks the box on the registry book that indicates darkee female companion. INT -. GREENVILLE - NIGHT Greenville at night is a little different. At night, RICH WHITE MASTERS showing off their Ponys (like Scotty), rule the streets. NARRATOR (VO) And two, there was a sliver of society that ran through Greenville at night that catered to white masters who were infected with a condition that was normally referred to as, "Nigger love." At night the streets, the bars, bistros, and buggy rides were ruled by rich white masters showing off their pretty Pony's. EXT - CLEOPATRA CLUB - NIGHT An establishing shot.of the three story house that has been converted into private club called, The Cleopatra Club. NARRATOR (VO) But the crown jewel of all this interracial frivolity, was the members only, Cleopatra Club. INSERT: GOLD PLAQUE with the name, THE CLEOPATRA CLUB on it, next to it is a profile of Nefertiti. 6! INT - THE CLEOPATRA CLUB - RESTAURANT - NIGHT The interracial joint is jumping (as long as by interracial you mean white men and black women). Scotty and Broomhilda are enjoying a fancy dinner in the clubs dining room. We see across the dining room, the powerful white man, CALVIN CANDIE, sitting with some White Men and some Black Ponys, eyeing Broomhilda. SCOTTY I gotta tell you Broomhilda - I don't care if I go to. hell for this - I love you. And if loving you means I go to

unprejudiced

How many times the word 'unprejudiced' appears in the text?

'em. SPENCER'S HORSE his hooves race and rip up the grass. SPENCER riding for his life... DJANGO scope sight rifle up to his eye. Dr.SCHULTZ He's getting out of range. DJANGO I got 'em. INSERT: A black finger squeezes the rifle trigger. SPENCER BENNETT we're behind him as he rides away, OFF SCREEN we hear the whistling of what sounds like an incoming missle. SPENCER BENNETT we're in.front of Spencer Bennett as he rides, when Django's bullet, RIPS THROUGH his CHEST. DJANGO DJANGO I got 'em. SPENCER BENNETT falls from his horse, dead. DJANGO scope sight rifle in his hand, big smile on his face, looks.to Dr.Schultz. Dr.SCHULTZ Like that, huh? Referring to the scope sight rifle; DJANGO I like. Dr.SCHULTZ Well, I think while they take this opportunity to lick their wounds, we should take this opportunity to get the fuck out of Tennessee. They hop out of the tree. MONTAGE Dr.Schultz in a big city, buying Django a new saddle. Django gets his first initial "D" etched into it. The men go to different stores to purchase Django's wardrobe. The outfit bought, is selected by Django, with suggestions offered by Schultz. When he's done, Django looks damn handsome in his new duds. Brown cowboy boots, Green Corduroy Jacket, Smokey Grey Shirt, Tan Skin Tight Pants, and Light Brown Cowboy Hat. He looks a. bit like Elvis in "Flaming Star" and a Little Joe Cartwright on "Bonanza". However, tellingly, he keeps Ace Speck's Winter Coat as his winter coat. EXT - COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY Django, sitting on his new saddle, in his new duds, rides alongside the good doctor Schultz. The German carries a PICNIC BASKET. Dr.SCHULTZ But I'm serious son, Greenville is just too dangerous for you to go fucking around there. You're a freed, slave, you should be in New York. You shouldn't be in Greenville, you shouldn't even be forty miles on any side of Greenville., You shouldn't be anywhere in Mississippi. DJANGO She's my wife, it's my job to look after her. If Greenville's where I gotta go to find out where she went, then I gotta go. Now you were sayin' where I gotta go first? Dr.SCHULTZ There'should be some sort of records office. You know when she was sold, you know where she came from, the Carrucan Plantation, and you know her name ... . what is her name? DJANGO Broomhilda. Schultz reacts. Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda? Django.nods his head yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Were her owners German? Now Django reacts, "How did he know that? DJANGO Yeah, how did you know? She wasn't born on The Carrucan Plantation. She was raised by a German mistress, The Von Shafts. She can speak a little German too. Dr.SCHULTZ Your wife? DJANGO Yeah, when she was little her mistress taught her so she'd have somebody to talk German with. Dr.SCHULTZ So let me get this straight, your slave wife speaks German, and her name is Broomhilda Von Shaft...? DJANGO Yep. Mouthful, huh? Dr.SCHULTZ To say the least. (stopping the horse) This looks like a very pretty place to have our picnic. What'd ya say, here? TIME CUT EXT - PICNIC IN COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY The two men sit on a blanket with a nice picnic spread spread out. Django eats a cucumber sandwich with the crust cut off, and drinks a cup of tea. DJANGO How did you know Broomhilda's first masters were German? Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda is a German name. If they named her, it stands to reason they'd be German. DJANGO Lotsa gals where you from named Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ No, not so much. Broomhilda is the name of a character in one of the most popular of all the German legends. DJANGO Really? There's a story 'bout Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes there is. DJANGO Do you know it? Dr.SCHULTZ Every German knows that story. Would you like me to tell you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Well Broomhilda was a princess. She was the daughter of Wotan, the god of all gods. Anyway, her father is really mad at her. DJANGO What she do.? Dr.SCHULTZ I don't exactly remember. I think she disobeys him in some way. So at first he's just going to obliterate her - DJANGO Obliterate... . what does that mean? Dr.SCHULTZ Like blow up. He pantomimes a explosion. DJANGO Phew, that's pretty mad. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes it is, and like most fathers, given a little time, he calms down a bit. He's still mad at her. He still wants to punish her. Just not ... . blow her up. So instead what he does, is he puts her high on top of a mountain. DJANGO Broomhilda's on a mountain? Dr.SCHULTZ It's a German legend, there's always going to be a mountain in there somewhere. So, he puts her on top of the mountain and he puts a fire breathing dragon there to guard the mountain. And. then he surrounds her in circle of hellfire. And there Broomhilda shall remain, unless a hero arises brave enough to save her. DJANGO Does a fella arise? From now on as Dr.Schultz talks, he's beginning to realize something he wasn't aware of when the conversation started. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes Django, as a matter he does. A fella named, Sigfried. DJANGO Does Sigfried save her? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes he does, and quite spectacularly, so. Now true, he is assisted in his triumph by a truly, truly, remarkable sword, still, having said that, Sigfried triumphs over all of his obstacles not just due to his sword, but due to his courage. He scales the mountain, because he's not afraid of it. He defeats the dragon, because he's not afraid.of him. Dr.SCHULTZ (CON'T) He walks through hellfire because Broomhilda's worth. it. After that last line of dialogue... .the two men just let a moment pass as they nibble on their sandwiches. DJANGO I know how he feels. Dr.SCHULTZ I think I'm just starting to realize that. He pours Django and himself some more tea out of a fancy tea pot, as he thinks about what he's going to say next. Dr.SCHULTZ Look Django, I don't doubt one day you will save your lady love. But I'm afraid I can't let you go to Greenville in a good conscious. Let me ask you a question, how do you like the bounty hunting business? DJANGO Kill white folks, and they pay ya? What's not to like? Dr.SCHULTZ I hafta admit, we make a good team. DJANGO But I'thought you were mad at me for killin' Big John and Rodger? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes, on that occasion, you were a tad overzealous. But normally, that's a good thing. How'd you like to partner up for the winter? DJANGO What'd ya mean partner up? Dr.SCHULTZ You be my deputy, for real this time. A lot of the big money is in outlaw gangs. Some of these fellas are worth fifteen hundred or three thousand a piece. With one man, anything over three men is a risk. But with a partner? Creating cross fire? It's fish in a. barrel. A lot of these gangs hold up in the'hills for the winter. DJANGO You makin' another agreement? W7 Dr.SCHULTZ Yes. You work with me through the winter, till the snow melts. I give you a third of my bounties. And while we're together, I'll teach you a few things you're going to need to know. DJANGO Can you teach me how to make Tony do that head bow thing that Fritz can do? Dr.SCHULTZ That among other things. We make some money this winter, when the snow melts, I'll take you to Greenville myself, and we'll find where they sent your wife. I'm pretty good at finding people. Is it a deal? No white man has ever done anything for Django, just to him. So understandably, he's a little suspicious. DJANGO Why you care what happens to me? Why you care if I find my wife? Dr.SCHULTZ Well frankly, I've never given anybody their freedom before. And now that I have, I feel vaguely responsible for you. You're just not ready to go off on your own, it's that simple. You're too green, you'll get hurt. Plus when a German meets a real life Sigfried,. it's kind of a big deal. As a German, I'm obliged to help you on your quest to rescue your beloved Broomhilda. Django accepts that response. What follows is a MONTAGE covering the five months that Django and Schultz partner up as bounty hunters. Schultz wears his normal ensemble. Django wears his cool looking Green Jacket, unless it's really cold, which a lot of this Montage is. Then he still wears Ace Specks raw hide winter coat over his cool clothes. WE SEE A SCENE to be improvised (more or less), where Dr.Schultz teaches Django how to draw and shoot the pistol in the holster at his hip. By the end of the scene, after trial and error, we see Django's going to be good at this. EXT - HILLSIDE - SUNNY DAY We see Django and Dr.Schultz walking up a hill. Tony and Fritz have been left tied up downhill. Django leads a extra body HORSE (named PONCHO) behind him. Dr.Schultz carries his scope sight rifle in 'a long case. They get to the top of the hill. It overlooks a small farmhouse. Y, 8 DOWN BELOW WE SEE A LITTLE MAN struggling behind a plow, and his FIFTEEN YEAR OLD SON helping him by leading the horse forward. On top of their perch on the hill top, Dr.Schultz says; Dr.SCHULTZ Keep down or he'll see you. DJANGO Who that farmer? Who cares? Dr.SCHULTZ Well since we came here to kill 'em, he just might. DJANGO What? The little man pushin' that plow? Dr.SCHULTZ That little man pushing that plow, is Smitty Bacall. DJANGO Smitty Bacall is a farmer? Dr.SCHULTZ No. Smitty Bacall is a stagecoach robber who's hiding out as a farmer, because there's a seven thousand dollar bounty on his head. He hands Django the scope rifle case. Dr.SCHULTZ And he's all yours my boy. DJANGO lays on his belly, with the Scope Sight up to his eye. SCOPE SIGHT POV: on the Farmer struggling behind his plow, working hard with his horse and his son. Django's finger on the trigger... .but he hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Oh what happened.to mister I wanna kill white folks for money? DJANGO His son's with him. Dr.SCHULTZ Good. He'll have a loved one with him. Maybe even share a last word. That's better then most get, and a damn. sight better then he deserves. 1 9 Django still hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Put down the rifle. Don't worry, I'm not mad at you. Take out Smitty Bacall's handbill. Django removes the folded up handbill from the pocket of his tan pants. Dr.SCHULTZ Read it aloud. Consider it today's lesson. DJANGO (READING) "Wanted, dead or alive. Smitty Bacall and The Smitty Bacall Gang. For murder and stagecoach robbery. Seven thousand dollars for Smitty Bacall. One thousand and five hundred dollars for each of his gang members. Known members of The Smitty Bacall Gang are as follows, DANDY MICHAELS, GERALD NASH, and CRAZY CRAIG KOONS." Dr.SCHULTZ Well done. Bravo. THAT is who Smitty Bacall is. If Smitty Bacall wanted to start a farm at twenty-two, they would never of printed that. (REFERRING TO THE HANDBILL) But Smitty Bacall wanted to rob stagecoaches, and he didn't mind killing people to do it. You want to save your wife by doing what I do? This is what I do. I kill people, and sell their corpses for cash. His corpse is worth seven thousand dollars. Now quit your pussyfootin and shoot him. Django SHOOTS. The Little Man down below behind the plow falls down. The Young Boy doesn't know what happened at first. Then he figures'out his father was just shot. He goes to him in the dirt. Dr.SCHULTZ You need to keep that Smitty Bacall handbill. DJANGO Why? Dr.SCHULTZ It's good luck. You always keep the handbill of your first bounty. They begin walking down the hill, to collect Smitty Bacall's body, leading the extra body horse behind them. 50 As they walk down hill, they watch the little scene of Smitty Bacall's Son cradling his dying father.in his arms, the older man speaking his last words to his son before he dies. Dr.SCHULTZ See, they're having a tender little father son moment now. No doubt the most heartfelt one they've ever had. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - NIGHT It's now full on snowy winter in the hills. Django practices his quick draw against a SNOWMAN he's built. He sticks a BOTTLE in it, so the bottom of the bottle is where the snowman's heart would be. He DRAWS... Shoots the bottle heart! He DRAWS ... Shoots the left coal eye. He DRAWS ... Shoots the right coal eye. He DRAWS... Shoots the carrot nose. Dr.Schultz comes up behind him. Dr.SCHULTZ I think it's safe to say you're faster then the snowman. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - DIFFERENT NIGHT A outlaw gang known as The WILSON - LOWE GANG (five guys) ride through a snowy forest at night. When all five men and their Horses, are SHOT FROM ABOVE. DJANGO AND SCHULTZ up in a tree, FIRING DOWN ON them. EXT - WINTER MOUNTAIN TOWN MAIN STREET - NIGHT The FLAKES continue to FALL HARD as Dr.Schultz and Django ride down the main street of town, pulling poor Poncho who's FULLY LOADED DOWN with five corpses. 571 The local SHERIFF, DON GUS, watches the two men ride up, he knows them. SHERIFF GUS Doctor and Django, how the hell are ya, and who the hell ya got there? Dr.SCHULTZ The Wilson - Lowe Gang. SHERIFF GUS Who the hell's The Wilson - Lowe Gang? Dr.Schultz removes a handbill from his inside jacket pocket, and hands it down to the friendly peace officer. Dr.SCHULTZ Bad Chuck Wilson, and meaner Bobby Lowe. And three of their acolytes. SHERIFF GUS Just leave 'em out here, they ain't going nowhere. And if'in they do, god must love 'em, so who are we to say. Come outta the snowy snow and git yourself some coffee. TNT - SHERIFF GUS'S OFFICE - NIGHT The snow encrusted bounty hunters come inside the lawmans office. They exchange pleasantries about the weather as the Sheriff pours them coffee. After the two frosty gentlemen have drunk some of the hot liquid, they get down to business. As Schultz and Gus discuss the bounties, Django reads the handbills aloud from off the wall. On the third one he reads, WARREN VANDERS, and a two thousand dollar bounty, "That one", Schultz says. Django RIPS IT off the wall. As the winter has progressed, we see they've become a genuine bounty hunting team. And Django, a genuine bounty hunter. EXT - PRETTY MEADOW - DAY The snow has melted, and it's SPRING. And inside of this meadow Django practices his fast draw against five men... .by Schultz throwing FIVE COINS in the air ... DJANGO DRAWS FAST shoots three coins, FIRES again hitting another, then falls to the ground to get the fifth. He looks up from the ground at Schultz. 5L As Schultz collects the coins off the ground, he says; Dr.SCHULTZ You're pretty confident aren't you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ You have reason to be. He holds out his fist, opens his hand, the coins lay in his palm. All the coins have bullet holes dead in their center. He drops them on top of Django. DJANGO Still think I'm too green for Greenville? Dr.Schultz removes a pipe, sticks it in his mouth and says; Dr.SCHULTZ Oh you're ready for Greenville. He lights a match, then lights the pipe, puffing as he says; Dr.SCHULTZ Greenville ready for you, that I'm not so sure. He blows out the match... WE GO TO BLACK What we also saw in the above montage is Django shake off a lifetime of slavery. Django, in his green jacket, in his cowboy hat, on top of his steed Tony, with his gun hanging from his hip, has become his own man. He's not a slave anymore. He's a bounty hunter. BLACK TITLE CARD ACROSS THE SCREEN ONE LETTER AT A TIME STYLE (ala "Rocky" and "FLASHDANCE") MISSISSIPPI CUT TO EXT - THE TOWN OF GREENVILLE MISSISSIPPI - DAY The whole Main Street of Greenville is thick with five inches of shit brown mud that all the horse hooves, and wagon wheels, and slave feet have to wade through to get from one end of the town to the other. 53 We see Django and Dr.Schultz enter the town, and slosh their horses in the mud,, down the main street of Greenville Mississippi. The buying and selling of slaves is what the whole town is built around. BLACK MEN, WOMEN, and CHILDREN in BONDAGE are everywhere you look. LINES OF CHAINED SLAVES being marched one way or the other, move through the muddy streets of Greenville. WHITE MEN on horses move them along. BUCKBOARDS filled with DOMESTIC SLAVES (HOUSE NIGGERS), and pretty PONYS, driven by WHITE MEN roll through the street. A YOUNG WHITE BOY (14 years old), a shepherd, leads a bunch of SLAVE CHILDREN through town. A SHEPHERD'S DOG, HELPS HIM OUT BY MOVING THE KIDS ALONG. Impromptu slave auctions take place on almost every block. A SUBTITLE APPEARS on the bottom of the screen: GREENVILLE CHICKASAW COUNTY, MISSISSIPPI Dr.Schultz takes in this African flesh market, where human beings sell other human beings, with disgust and a little bit of shock. Django is neither disgusted or. shocked, he knows first hand how Greenville operates. As he rides Tony through town in his snappy duds, he looks'at the BLACK MEN half dressed: in chains. He REMEMBERS HIMSELF with his six Other Companions from earlier, being walked through the mud of Main Street by The Speck Brothers. On that day he might as well of been a steer. Today, with a gun on his hip, money in his pocket, in his snappy outfit, astride his steed Tony, he feels so different from these wretched half naked bastards it gives him a bit of a chill. Django sees the towns railroad depot, and across from it a huge SLAVE PEN, like a STEER CORRAL. At the moment there's no train in the depot. WE FLASH ON The TRAIN, at a earlier time, pulling into the depot. INSIDE ONE OF THE BOXCARS amidst a boxcar full of shirtless BLACK MALES, Django watches the train pull into the station, from inside the wooden slates of the boxcar.: A hatch in the roof of the boxcar is NOISILY YANKED OPEN, and TWO WHITE SLAVE TRADERS (RUSS AND JUDD), peer down at their human cargo. JUDD Good god almighty these niggers stink! I F RUSS Niggers stink, where's the shock? (to the Slaves BELOW) Okay you bucks, listen up, and listen well, I'm only gonna say this once. There's a slave corral right across from this boxcar. We gittin ready to open these doors. When we do, y'all run as fast as you can, right into that pen. 'Anyone gittin off trail, gonna get hurt and hurt bad. Now you niggers better comprehend. And that goes for any African garboons amongst y'all can't understand english ... . your American buddies better shove your ass in the right direction, or your trip to this country is going to be short, and pointless. Train to pen as fast as you can! The boxcar door is slid open, and a HUNDRED AND FIFTY BLACK MALES run full out from the train to the steer corral. We spot Django during the running. Once inside the corral, the gate is closed. COWBOYS with rifles act as prison guards. INSIDE THE CORRAL through the wooden posts, in the distance, Django watches them open up the boxcar holding the females. They do their run to their pen out of view. Django catches a quick glimpse of Broomhild.a running with the other LADIES, then she's gone from view. BACK TO DJANGO (PRESENT) Django and Dr.Schultz on top of their horses, taking in the sight of Greenville. Dr.SCHULTZ It's a spectacle out of Dante. DJANGO You should see it from the other side. Dr.SCHULTZ Frankly, I don't know if I could endure this. DJANGO You'd be surprised what you can endure. (BEAT) Where to? 675 Dr.SCHULTZ Records office. CUT TO INT - RECORDS OFFICE - DAY Dr.Schultz and Django walk into a records office, lined with books. We watch through the store front window, the black man and white man enter, and Dr.Schultz present his business card to a Dickensian looking RECORDS OFFICE WORKER. As Schultz starts his spellbinding with words routine... . The CAMERA FADES TO BLACK. BLACK TITLE CARD: BROOMHILDA INT - SLAVE PEN - DAY The same shot we saw before of Django fighting his way to the bars of the slave pen, to get a better last look of Broomhilda. Broomhilda, as before is walked by in the distance. Then, as before Django loses sight of her. EXT - MAIN STREET - GREENVILLE - DAY We follow in front of Broomhilda being lead out of the slave pen by TWO WHITE MALE SLAVERS. Her bare feet slosh in the Main Street mud, and the leg irons scrap her ankles. Up until now everything you've ever seen of Broomhilda, has only been in Django's Spaghetti Western Flashbacks. In other words, from his perspective, and memory. This is the,only time the story will shift to Broomhilda's perspective. The strong but frightened girl is led out on to the hustle and bustle, and wagon wheels and horse hoofs of Main Street. Broomhilda is not taken into that three story auction arena that Django was sold in at the beginning. Instead She's just lifted up on a parked buckboard wagon. Her SELLER (CLYDE) starts his pitch on the TWELVE or so BUYERS that watch this puny make shift auction. BROOMHILDA looks down into the crowd of twelve ugly white men, and holds her breath which one will buy her. Among the ugly white men we see Mr.HARMONY (MIKE), not quite as ugly as the rest. An older well dressed, classy gentleman. Next to him is his twenty four year old overweight awkward son SCOTTY HARMONY. Scotty in the audience, and Broomhilda on the wagon, THEIR EYES MEET, he nudges his dad. The Seller makes her expose her breasts to the small crowd. Then her back, revealing her whip marks. Then pointing out the runaway "r" branded in her cheek. Some of the crowd, including Scotty, react with repulsion at the sight of the whip marks. The Seller assures the crowd, that niggers don't feel pain like white folks, and it only makes the women more gentle. SELLER - CLYDE Fellahs, you ain't felt gentle, till you felt nigger gal gentle. UGLY MAN makes a bid. BROOMHILDA yikes. UGLIER MAN higher bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. UGLIER BY FAR GUY makes leap frog big bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. BIG GREASY FAT GUY makes a bid. BIG FAT GREASY BEAVER PELT COVERED TRAPPER makes a bid. A GIGGLING LEERING GROUP OF BROTHERS make a bid. A SEVENTY FIVE YEAR OLD INDIAN ON A MULE makes a bid. Mr.Harmony makes a bid for his son Scotty. Broomhilda notices that. And makes more eye contact with Scotty. They look at each other as Mr.Harmony continues to bid. A LITERARY NARRATOR comes on the soundtrack. NARRATOR (VO) On that day, eight months ago, the auction was won by Mike Harmony, as a birthday present for his fat boy son Scotty. Mr.Harmony congratulates his son. From on top of the buckboard Broomhilda looks down at her new owners. Later they leave for the Harmony house. Scotty lifts Broomhilda up into the back of the buckboard. He hands her a little white bag. SCOTTY This is for you. She opens the bag,candies of many colors sit in it. SCOTTY They're jelly beans. Try one. She selects a yellow one and puts it in her mouth. SCOTTY Good huh? She nods her head, yes. We see him drive the buckboard out of Greenville with Broomhilda in the back eating her bag of jelly beans. $XT - COUNTRY ROAD - DAY The buckboard makes its way down a country road. Broomhilda in the back, and Scotty driving the wagon. Scotty bought her, but he's too scared to talk to her. Broomhilda's muddy bare feet dangle off the wagon. She's beginning to realize the young master is the shy type. BROOMHILDA Master Scotty... ? SCOTTY Yes Broomhilda? BROOMHILDA I'm lonely back here. Can I come on up with you on that seat so we can talk? SCOTTY Please, I'd love that. She climbs into the driver's seat. In more ways then one. '8 EXT - THE HARMONY HOUSE - DAY A nice two story southern house. Very nice, but hardly a plantation. The household's FOUR DOMESTIC SLAVES. Broomhilda will be the fifth. The buckboard pulls up to the front of the house. Scotty's mother, Mrs.HARMONY (MARY LOUISE), waits to meet her son, and his new bought nigger gal. The older lady looks the black girl up and down and says to her; Mrs.HARMONY What's your name, gal? BROOMHILDA Broomhilda. Mrs.HARMONY Follow me. into the kitchen, ('to her son) You stay out here. INT - KITCHEN - DAY Mrs.Harmony brings Broomhilda in her kitchen. The TWO DOMESTIC SLAVES that were in, there are chased out by the boss lady. Mrs.Harmony grabs Broomhilda by the wrist, and tells her; Mrs.HARMONY I want to have a word with you, wench. You met my boy Scotty. You can tell ain't no white girl gonna fool with him. And if they do fool with him, they fool with him for the wrong reason. Boy's twenty four, he still ain't a man yet. That's why you're here. Be nice to him. He's a very sweet boy. Play him right, he'll eat bird seed out of your palm. Play 'em wrong, you'll deal with me. BROOMHILDA I like Scotty. He's just shy is all. All he needs is a little confidence. Mrs.HARMONY And you'll give that to him? BROOMHILDA I'll do my best, mam. Scotty's a real sweet boy. Mrs.HARMONY He is, isn't he? BROOMHILDA Ah-huh. The mother lets go of the young lady's wrist. 19 NARRATOR (VO) Basically The Harmony's bought a slave bride for young master Scotty that day. And the two kids had a nice time playing house for awhile. We see Scotty and Broomhilda catching butterflies in butterfly nets in the daytime.. At night they catch LIGHTNING BUGS together. At night in Scotty's bed, while the young man lay fast asleep, Broomhilda looks at her jelly jar of GLOWING LIGHTNING BUGS. NARRATOR (VO) As Scotty's sort of defacto sweetheart, if no visitors were about, Broomhilda would even join the family at their dinner table. We see them at dinner eating fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. NARRATOR.(VO) And pretty soon she was adopted into a member of the family. Mrs.Harmony and Broomhilda sewing together. The Harmony family and Broomhilda playing croquet in the front yard. After dinner, Mrs.Harmony entertaining the family by playing the piano. Mr.Harmony reading the women and his son a story from a storybook. NARRATOR (VO) Scotty was never happier. Scotty and Broomhilda walking holding hands at Southern magic hour. Broomhilda having sex with Scotty, baby talking with him, talking him through it, making him feel loved and secure. NARRATOR (VO) After three months of this bliss, Scotty decided to take Broomhilda for a romantic weekend in Greenville. SCOTTY AND BROOMHILDA drive through the Main Street of Greenville, dressed to the nines, in a fancy carriage. Broomhilda dressed in a beautiful white lace dress, complete with white lace gloves, fancy ladies hat, and white parasol. Scotty, very proud of his pretty Pony, is dressed in a fashion best described as plantation pimp daddy. 6O NARRATOR (VO) White masters would take their pretty Ponys to Greenville for a treat or romantic excursion, for two reasons-One, seeing how bad the other slaves had it, always made the papered Ponys appreciate their privilege position, (just in case they'd forgot). BROOMHILDA holding her parasol, looking like a black Daisy Miller, watches the OTHER SLAVES march by in the mud. They watch her too. INT - HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT Broomhilda and Scotty, and their luggage, move into the fancy hotel lobby, and rent a room at the front desk. INSERT: HOTEL REGISTRY Scotty signs his name. The DESK CLERKS HAND checks the box on the registry book that indicates darkee female companion. INT -. GREENVILLE - NIGHT Greenville at night is a little different. At night, RICH WHITE MASTERS showing off their Ponys (like Scotty), rule the streets. NARRATOR (VO) And two, there was a sliver of society that ran through Greenville at night that catered to white masters who were infected with a condition that was normally referred to as, "Nigger love." At night the streets, the bars, bistros, and buggy rides were ruled by rich white masters showing off their pretty Pony's. EXT - CLEOPATRA CLUB - NIGHT An establishing shot.of the three story house that has been converted into private club called, The Cleopatra Club. NARRATOR (VO) But the crown jewel of all this interracial frivolity, was the members only, Cleopatra Club. INSERT: GOLD PLAQUE with the name, THE CLEOPATRA CLUB on it, next to it is a profile of Nefertiti. 6! INT - THE CLEOPATRA CLUB - RESTAURANT - NIGHT The interracial joint is jumping (as long as by interracial you mean white men and black women). Scotty and Broomhilda are enjoying a fancy dinner in the clubs dining room. We see across the dining room, the powerful white man, CALVIN CANDIE, sitting with some White Men and some Black Ponys, eyeing Broomhilda. SCOTTY I gotta tell you Broomhilda - I don't care if I go to. hell for this - I love you. And if loving you means I go to

a.

How many times the word 'a.' appears in the text?

'em. SPENCER'S HORSE his hooves race and rip up the grass. SPENCER riding for his life... DJANGO scope sight rifle up to his eye. Dr.SCHULTZ He's getting out of range. DJANGO I got 'em. INSERT: A black finger squeezes the rifle trigger. SPENCER BENNETT we're behind him as he rides away, OFF SCREEN we hear the whistling of what sounds like an incoming missle. SPENCER BENNETT we're in.front of Spencer Bennett as he rides, when Django's bullet, RIPS THROUGH his CHEST. DJANGO DJANGO I got 'em. SPENCER BENNETT falls from his horse, dead. DJANGO scope sight rifle in his hand, big smile on his face, looks.to Dr.Schultz. Dr.SCHULTZ Like that, huh? Referring to the scope sight rifle; DJANGO I like. Dr.SCHULTZ Well, I think while they take this opportunity to lick their wounds, we should take this opportunity to get the fuck out of Tennessee. They hop out of the tree. MONTAGE Dr.Schultz in a big city, buying Django a new saddle. Django gets his first initial "D" etched into it. The men go to different stores to purchase Django's wardrobe. The outfit bought, is selected by Django, with suggestions offered by Schultz. When he's done, Django looks damn handsome in his new duds. Brown cowboy boots, Green Corduroy Jacket, Smokey Grey Shirt, Tan Skin Tight Pants, and Light Brown Cowboy Hat. He looks a. bit like Elvis in "Flaming Star" and a Little Joe Cartwright on "Bonanza". However, tellingly, he keeps Ace Speck's Winter Coat as his winter coat. EXT - COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY Django, sitting on his new saddle, in his new duds, rides alongside the good doctor Schultz. The German carries a PICNIC BASKET. Dr.SCHULTZ But I'm serious son, Greenville is just too dangerous for you to go fucking around there. You're a freed, slave, you should be in New York. You shouldn't be in Greenville, you shouldn't even be forty miles on any side of Greenville., You shouldn't be anywhere in Mississippi. DJANGO She's my wife, it's my job to look after her. If Greenville's where I gotta go to find out where she went, then I gotta go. Now you were sayin' where I gotta go first? Dr.SCHULTZ There'should be some sort of records office. You know when she was sold, you know where she came from, the Carrucan Plantation, and you know her name ... . what is her name? DJANGO Broomhilda. Schultz reacts. Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda? Django.nods his head yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Were her owners German? Now Django reacts, "How did he know that? DJANGO Yeah, how did you know? She wasn't born on The Carrucan Plantation. She was raised by a German mistress, The Von Shafts. She can speak a little German too. Dr.SCHULTZ Your wife? DJANGO Yeah, when she was little her mistress taught her so she'd have somebody to talk German with. Dr.SCHULTZ So let me get this straight, your slave wife speaks German, and her name is Broomhilda Von Shaft...? DJANGO Yep. Mouthful, huh? Dr.SCHULTZ To say the least. (stopping the horse) This looks like a very pretty place to have our picnic. What'd ya say, here? TIME CUT EXT - PICNIC IN COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY The two men sit on a blanket with a nice picnic spread spread out. Django eats a cucumber sandwich with the crust cut off, and drinks a cup of tea. DJANGO How did you know Broomhilda's first masters were German? Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda is a German name. If they named her, it stands to reason they'd be German. DJANGO Lotsa gals where you from named Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ No, not so much. Broomhilda is the name of a character in one of the most popular of all the German legends. DJANGO Really? There's a story 'bout Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes there is. DJANGO Do you know it? Dr.SCHULTZ Every German knows that story. Would you like me to tell you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Well Broomhilda was a princess. She was the daughter of Wotan, the god of all gods. Anyway, her father is really mad at her. DJANGO What she do.? Dr.SCHULTZ I don't exactly remember. I think she disobeys him in some way. So at first he's just going to obliterate her - DJANGO Obliterate... . what does that mean? Dr.SCHULTZ Like blow up. He pantomimes a explosion. DJANGO Phew, that's pretty mad. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes it is, and like most fathers, given a little time, he calms down a bit. He's still mad at her. He still wants to punish her. Just not ... . blow her up. So instead what he does, is he puts her high on top of a mountain. DJANGO Broomhilda's on a mountain? Dr.SCHULTZ It's a German legend, there's always going to be a mountain in there somewhere. So, he puts her on top of the mountain and he puts a fire breathing dragon there to guard the mountain. And. then he surrounds her in circle of hellfire. And there Broomhilda shall remain, unless a hero arises brave enough to save her. DJANGO Does a fella arise? From now on as Dr.Schultz talks, he's beginning to realize something he wasn't aware of when the conversation started. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes Django, as a matter he does. A fella named, Sigfried. DJANGO Does Sigfried save her? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes he does, and quite spectacularly, so. Now true, he is assisted in his triumph by a truly, truly, remarkable sword, still, having said that, Sigfried triumphs over all of his obstacles not just due to his sword, but due to his courage. He scales the mountain, because he's not afraid of it. He defeats the dragon, because he's not afraid.of him. Dr.SCHULTZ (CON'T) He walks through hellfire because Broomhilda's worth. it. After that last line of dialogue... .the two men just let a moment pass as they nibble on their sandwiches. DJANGO I know how he feels. Dr.SCHULTZ I think I'm just starting to realize that. He pours Django and himself some more tea out of a fancy tea pot, as he thinks about what he's going to say next. Dr.SCHULTZ Look Django, I don't doubt one day you will save your lady love. But I'm afraid I can't let you go to Greenville in a good conscious. Let me ask you a question, how do you like the bounty hunting business? DJANGO Kill white folks, and they pay ya? What's not to like? Dr.SCHULTZ I hafta admit, we make a good team. DJANGO But I'thought you were mad at me for killin' Big John and Rodger? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes, on that occasion, you were a tad overzealous. But normally, that's a good thing. How'd you like to partner up for the winter? DJANGO What'd ya mean partner up? Dr.SCHULTZ You be my deputy, for real this time. A lot of the big money is in outlaw gangs. Some of these fellas are worth fifteen hundred or three thousand a piece. With one man, anything over three men is a risk. But with a partner? Creating cross fire? It's fish in a. barrel. A lot of these gangs hold up in the'hills for the winter. DJANGO You makin' another agreement? W7 Dr.SCHULTZ Yes. You work with me through the winter, till the snow melts. I give you a third of my bounties. And while we're together, I'll teach you a few things you're going to need to know. DJANGO Can you teach me how to make Tony do that head bow thing that Fritz can do? Dr.SCHULTZ That among other things. We make some money this winter, when the snow melts, I'll take you to Greenville myself, and we'll find where they sent your wife. I'm pretty good at finding people. Is it a deal? No white man has ever done anything for Django, just to him. So understandably, he's a little suspicious. DJANGO Why you care what happens to me? Why you care if I find my wife? Dr.SCHULTZ Well frankly, I've never given anybody their freedom before. And now that I have, I feel vaguely responsible for you. You're just not ready to go off on your own, it's that simple. You're too green, you'll get hurt. Plus when a German meets a real life Sigfried,. it's kind of a big deal. As a German, I'm obliged to help you on your quest to rescue your beloved Broomhilda. Django accepts that response. What follows is a MONTAGE covering the five months that Django and Schultz partner up as bounty hunters. Schultz wears his normal ensemble. Django wears his cool looking Green Jacket, unless it's really cold, which a lot of this Montage is. Then he still wears Ace Specks raw hide winter coat over his cool clothes. WE SEE A SCENE to be improvised (more or less), where Dr.Schultz teaches Django how to draw and shoot the pistol in the holster at his hip. By the end of the scene, after trial and error, we see Django's going to be good at this. EXT - HILLSIDE - SUNNY DAY We see Django and Dr.Schultz walking up a hill. Tony and Fritz have been left tied up downhill. Django leads a extra body HORSE (named PONCHO) behind him. Dr.Schultz carries his scope sight rifle in 'a long case. They get to the top of the hill. It overlooks a small farmhouse. Y, 8 DOWN BELOW WE SEE A LITTLE MAN struggling behind a plow, and his FIFTEEN YEAR OLD SON helping him by leading the horse forward. On top of their perch on the hill top, Dr.Schultz says; Dr.SCHULTZ Keep down or he'll see you. DJANGO Who that farmer? Who cares? Dr.SCHULTZ Well since we came here to kill 'em, he just might. DJANGO What? The little man pushin' that plow? Dr.SCHULTZ That little man pushing that plow, is Smitty Bacall. DJANGO Smitty Bacall is a farmer? Dr.SCHULTZ No. Smitty Bacall is a stagecoach robber who's hiding out as a farmer, because there's a seven thousand dollar bounty on his head. He hands Django the scope rifle case. Dr.SCHULTZ And he's all yours my boy. DJANGO lays on his belly, with the Scope Sight up to his eye. SCOPE SIGHT POV: on the Farmer struggling behind his plow, working hard with his horse and his son. Django's finger on the trigger... .but he hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Oh what happened.to mister I wanna kill white folks for money? DJANGO His son's with him. Dr.SCHULTZ Good. He'll have a loved one with him. Maybe even share a last word. That's better then most get, and a damn. sight better then he deserves. 1 9 Django still hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Put down the rifle. Don't worry, I'm not mad at you. Take out Smitty Bacall's handbill. Django removes the folded up handbill from the pocket of his tan pants. Dr.SCHULTZ Read it aloud. Consider it today's lesson. DJANGO (READING) "Wanted, dead or alive. Smitty Bacall and The Smitty Bacall Gang. For murder and stagecoach robbery. Seven thousand dollars for Smitty Bacall. One thousand and five hundred dollars for each of his gang members. Known members of The Smitty Bacall Gang are as follows, DANDY MICHAELS, GERALD NASH, and CRAZY CRAIG KOONS." Dr.SCHULTZ Well done. Bravo. THAT is who Smitty Bacall is. If Smitty Bacall wanted to start a farm at twenty-two, they would never of printed that. (REFERRING TO THE HANDBILL) But Smitty Bacall wanted to rob stagecoaches, and he didn't mind killing people to do it. You want to save your wife by doing what I do? This is what I do. I kill people, and sell their corpses for cash. His corpse is worth seven thousand dollars. Now quit your pussyfootin and shoot him. Django SHOOTS. The Little Man down below behind the plow falls down. The Young Boy doesn't know what happened at first. Then he figures'out his father was just shot. He goes to him in the dirt. Dr.SCHULTZ You need to keep that Smitty Bacall handbill. DJANGO Why? Dr.SCHULTZ It's good luck. You always keep the handbill of your first bounty. They begin walking down the hill, to collect Smitty Bacall's body, leading the extra body horse behind them. 50 As they walk down hill, they watch the little scene of Smitty Bacall's Son cradling his dying father.in his arms, the older man speaking his last words to his son before he dies. Dr.SCHULTZ See, they're having a tender little father son moment now. No doubt the most heartfelt one they've ever had. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - NIGHT It's now full on snowy winter in the hills. Django practices his quick draw against a SNOWMAN he's built. He sticks a BOTTLE in it, so the bottom of the bottle is where the snowman's heart would be. He DRAWS... Shoots the bottle heart! He DRAWS ... Shoots the left coal eye. He DRAWS ... Shoots the right coal eye. He DRAWS... Shoots the carrot nose. Dr.Schultz comes up behind him. Dr.SCHULTZ I think it's safe to say you're faster then the snowman. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - DIFFERENT NIGHT A outlaw gang known as The WILSON - LOWE GANG (five guys) ride through a snowy forest at night. When all five men and their Horses, are SHOT FROM ABOVE. DJANGO AND SCHULTZ up in a tree, FIRING DOWN ON them. EXT - WINTER MOUNTAIN TOWN MAIN STREET - NIGHT The FLAKES continue to FALL HARD as Dr.Schultz and Django ride down the main street of town, pulling poor Poncho who's FULLY LOADED DOWN with five corpses. 571 The local SHERIFF, DON GUS, watches the two men ride up, he knows them. SHERIFF GUS Doctor and Django, how the hell are ya, and who the hell ya got there? Dr.SCHULTZ The Wilson - Lowe Gang. SHERIFF GUS Who the hell's The Wilson - Lowe Gang? Dr.Schultz removes a handbill from his inside jacket pocket, and hands it down to the friendly peace officer. Dr.SCHULTZ Bad Chuck Wilson, and meaner Bobby Lowe. And three of their acolytes. SHERIFF GUS Just leave 'em out here, they ain't going nowhere. And if'in they do, god must love 'em, so who are we to say. Come outta the snowy snow and git yourself some coffee. TNT - SHERIFF GUS'S OFFICE - NIGHT The snow encrusted bounty hunters come inside the lawmans office. They exchange pleasantries about the weather as the Sheriff pours them coffee. After the two frosty gentlemen have drunk some of the hot liquid, they get down to business. As Schultz and Gus discuss the bounties, Django reads the handbills aloud from off the wall. On the third one he reads, WARREN VANDERS, and a two thousand dollar bounty, "That one", Schultz says. Django RIPS IT off the wall. As the winter has progressed, we see they've become a genuine bounty hunting team. And Django, a genuine bounty hunter. EXT - PRETTY MEADOW - DAY The snow has melted, and it's SPRING. And inside of this meadow Django practices his fast draw against five men... .by Schultz throwing FIVE COINS in the air ... DJANGO DRAWS FAST shoots three coins, FIRES again hitting another, then falls to the ground to get the fifth. He looks up from the ground at Schultz. 5L As Schultz collects the coins off the ground, he says; Dr.SCHULTZ You're pretty confident aren't you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ You have reason to be. He holds out his fist, opens his hand, the coins lay in his palm. All the coins have bullet holes dead in their center. He drops them on top of Django. DJANGO Still think I'm too green for Greenville? Dr.Schultz removes a pipe, sticks it in his mouth and says; Dr.SCHULTZ Oh you're ready for Greenville. He lights a match, then lights the pipe, puffing as he says; Dr.SCHULTZ Greenville ready for you, that I'm not so sure. He blows out the match... WE GO TO BLACK What we also saw in the above montage is Django shake off a lifetime of slavery. Django, in his green jacket, in his cowboy hat, on top of his steed Tony, with his gun hanging from his hip, has become his own man. He's not a slave anymore. He's a bounty hunter. BLACK TITLE CARD ACROSS THE SCREEN ONE LETTER AT A TIME STYLE (ala "Rocky" and "FLASHDANCE") MISSISSIPPI CUT TO EXT - THE TOWN OF GREENVILLE MISSISSIPPI - DAY The whole Main Street of Greenville is thick with five inches of shit brown mud that all the horse hooves, and wagon wheels, and slave feet have to wade through to get from one end of the town to the other. 53 We see Django and Dr.Schultz enter the town, and slosh their horses in the mud,, down the main street of Greenville Mississippi. The buying and selling of slaves is what the whole town is built around. BLACK MEN, WOMEN, and CHILDREN in BONDAGE are everywhere you look. LINES OF CHAINED SLAVES being marched one way or the other, move through the muddy streets of Greenville. WHITE MEN on horses move them along. BUCKBOARDS filled with DOMESTIC SLAVES (HOUSE NIGGERS), and pretty PONYS, driven by WHITE MEN roll through the street. A YOUNG WHITE BOY (14 years old), a shepherd, leads a bunch of SLAVE CHILDREN through town. A SHEPHERD'S DOG, HELPS HIM OUT BY MOVING THE KIDS ALONG. Impromptu slave auctions take place on almost every block. A SUBTITLE APPEARS on the bottom of the screen: GREENVILLE CHICKASAW COUNTY, MISSISSIPPI Dr.Schultz takes in this African flesh market, where human beings sell other human beings, with disgust and a little bit of shock. Django is neither disgusted or. shocked, he knows first hand how Greenville operates. As he rides Tony through town in his snappy duds, he looks'at the BLACK MEN half dressed: in chains. He REMEMBERS HIMSELF with his six Other Companions from earlier, being walked through the mud of Main Street by The Speck Brothers. On that day he might as well of been a steer. Today, with a gun on his hip, money in his pocket, in his snappy outfit, astride his steed Tony, he feels so different from these wretched half naked bastards it gives him a bit of a chill. Django sees the towns railroad depot, and across from it a huge SLAVE PEN, like a STEER CORRAL. At the moment there's no train in the depot. WE FLASH ON The TRAIN, at a earlier time, pulling into the depot. INSIDE ONE OF THE BOXCARS amidst a boxcar full of shirtless BLACK MALES, Django watches the train pull into the station, from inside the wooden slates of the boxcar.: A hatch in the roof of the boxcar is NOISILY YANKED OPEN, and TWO WHITE SLAVE TRADERS (RUSS AND JUDD), peer down at their human cargo. JUDD Good god almighty these niggers stink! I F RUSS Niggers stink, where's the shock? (to the Slaves BELOW) Okay you bucks, listen up, and listen well, I'm only gonna say this once. There's a slave corral right across from this boxcar. We gittin ready to open these doors. When we do, y'all run as fast as you can, right into that pen. 'Anyone gittin off trail, gonna get hurt and hurt bad. Now you niggers better comprehend. And that goes for any African garboons amongst y'all can't understand english ... . your American buddies better shove your ass in the right direction, or your trip to this country is going to be short, and pointless. Train to pen as fast as you can! The boxcar door is slid open, and a HUNDRED AND FIFTY BLACK MALES run full out from the train to the steer corral. We spot Django during the running. Once inside the corral, the gate is closed. COWBOYS with rifles act as prison guards. INSIDE THE CORRAL through the wooden posts, in the distance, Django watches them open up the boxcar holding the females. They do their run to their pen out of view. Django catches a quick glimpse of Broomhild.a running with the other LADIES, then she's gone from view. BACK TO DJANGO (PRESENT) Django and Dr.Schultz on top of their horses, taking in the sight of Greenville. Dr.SCHULTZ It's a spectacle out of Dante. DJANGO You should see it from the other side. Dr.SCHULTZ Frankly, I don't know if I could endure this. DJANGO You'd be surprised what you can endure. (BEAT) Where to? 675 Dr.SCHULTZ Records office. CUT TO INT - RECORDS OFFICE - DAY Dr.Schultz and Django walk into a records office, lined with books. We watch through the store front window, the black man and white man enter, and Dr.Schultz present his business card to a Dickensian looking RECORDS OFFICE WORKER. As Schultz starts his spellbinding with words routine... . The CAMERA FADES TO BLACK. BLACK TITLE CARD: BROOMHILDA INT - SLAVE PEN - DAY The same shot we saw before of Django fighting his way to the bars of the slave pen, to get a better last look of Broomhilda. Broomhilda, as before is walked by in the distance. Then, as before Django loses sight of her. EXT - MAIN STREET - GREENVILLE - DAY We follow in front of Broomhilda being lead out of the slave pen by TWO WHITE MALE SLAVERS. Her bare feet slosh in the Main Street mud, and the leg irons scrap her ankles. Up until now everything you've ever seen of Broomhilda, has only been in Django's Spaghetti Western Flashbacks. In other words, from his perspective, and memory. This is the,only time the story will shift to Broomhilda's perspective. The strong but frightened girl is led out on to the hustle and bustle, and wagon wheels and horse hoofs of Main Street. Broomhilda is not taken into that three story auction arena that Django was sold in at the beginning. Instead She's just lifted up on a parked buckboard wagon. Her SELLER (CLYDE) starts his pitch on the TWELVE or so BUYERS that watch this puny make shift auction. BROOMHILDA looks down into the crowd of twelve ugly white men, and holds her breath which one will buy her. Among the ugly white men we see Mr.HARMONY (MIKE), not quite as ugly as the rest. An older well dressed, classy gentleman. Next to him is his twenty four year old overweight awkward son SCOTTY HARMONY. Scotty in the audience, and Broomhilda on the wagon, THEIR EYES MEET, he nudges his dad. The Seller makes her expose her breasts to the small crowd. Then her back, revealing her whip marks. Then pointing out the runaway "r" branded in her cheek. Some of the crowd, including Scotty, react with repulsion at the sight of the whip marks. The Seller assures the crowd, that niggers don't feel pain like white folks, and it only makes the women more gentle. SELLER - CLYDE Fellahs, you ain't felt gentle, till you felt nigger gal gentle. UGLY MAN makes a bid. BROOMHILDA yikes. UGLIER MAN higher bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. UGLIER BY FAR GUY makes leap frog big bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. BIG GREASY FAT GUY makes a bid. BIG FAT GREASY BEAVER PELT COVERED TRAPPER makes a bid. A GIGGLING LEERING GROUP OF BROTHERS make a bid. A SEVENTY FIVE YEAR OLD INDIAN ON A MULE makes a bid. Mr.Harmony makes a bid for his son Scotty. Broomhilda notices that. And makes more eye contact with Scotty. They look at each other as Mr.Harmony continues to bid. A LITERARY NARRATOR comes on the soundtrack. NARRATOR (VO) On that day, eight months ago, the auction was won by Mike Harmony, as a birthday present for his fat boy son Scotty. Mr.Harmony congratulates his son. From on top of the buckboard Broomhilda looks down at her new owners. Later they leave for the Harmony house. Scotty lifts Broomhilda up into the back of the buckboard. He hands her a little white bag. SCOTTY This is for you. She opens the bag,candies of many colors sit in it. SCOTTY They're jelly beans. Try one. She selects a yellow one and puts it in her mouth. SCOTTY Good huh? She nods her head, yes. We see him drive the buckboard out of Greenville with Broomhilda in the back eating her bag of jelly beans. $XT - COUNTRY ROAD - DAY The buckboard makes its way down a country road. Broomhilda in the back, and Scotty driving the wagon. Scotty bought her, but he's too scared to talk to her. Broomhilda's muddy bare feet dangle off the wagon. She's beginning to realize the young master is the shy type. BROOMHILDA Master Scotty... ? SCOTTY Yes Broomhilda? BROOMHILDA I'm lonely back here. Can I come on up with you on that seat so we can talk? SCOTTY Please, I'd love that. She climbs into the driver's seat. In more ways then one. '8 EXT - THE HARMONY HOUSE - DAY A nice two story southern house. Very nice, but hardly a plantation. The household's FOUR DOMESTIC SLAVES. Broomhilda will be the fifth. The buckboard pulls up to the front of the house. Scotty's mother, Mrs.HARMONY (MARY LOUISE), waits to meet her son, and his new bought nigger gal. The older lady looks the black girl up and down and says to her; Mrs.HARMONY What's your name, gal? BROOMHILDA Broomhilda. Mrs.HARMONY Follow me. into the kitchen, ('to her son) You stay out here. INT - KITCHEN - DAY Mrs.Harmony brings Broomhilda in her kitchen. The TWO DOMESTIC SLAVES that were in, there are chased out by the boss lady. Mrs.Harmony grabs Broomhilda by the wrist, and tells her; Mrs.HARMONY I want to have a word with you, wench. You met my boy Scotty. You can tell ain't no white girl gonna fool with him. And if they do fool with him, they fool with him for the wrong reason. Boy's twenty four, he still ain't a man yet. That's why you're here. Be nice to him. He's a very sweet boy. Play him right, he'll eat bird seed out of your palm. Play 'em wrong, you'll deal with me. BROOMHILDA I like Scotty. He's just shy is all. All he needs is a little confidence. Mrs.HARMONY And you'll give that to him? BROOMHILDA I'll do my best, mam. Scotty's a real sweet boy. Mrs.HARMONY He is, isn't he? BROOMHILDA Ah-huh. The mother lets go of the young lady's wrist. 19 NARRATOR (VO) Basically The Harmony's bought a slave bride for young master Scotty that day. And the two kids had a nice time playing house for awhile. We see Scotty and Broomhilda catching butterflies in butterfly nets in the daytime.. At night they catch LIGHTNING BUGS together. At night in Scotty's bed, while the young man lay fast asleep, Broomhilda looks at her jelly jar of GLOWING LIGHTNING BUGS. NARRATOR (VO) As Scotty's sort of defacto sweetheart, if no visitors were about, Broomhilda would even join the family at their dinner table. We see them at dinner eating fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. NARRATOR.(VO) And pretty soon she was adopted into a member of the family. Mrs.Harmony and Broomhilda sewing together. The Harmony family and Broomhilda playing croquet in the front yard. After dinner, Mrs.Harmony entertaining the family by playing the piano. Mr.Harmony reading the women and his son a story from a storybook. NARRATOR (VO) Scotty was never happier. Scotty and Broomhilda walking holding hands at Southern magic hour. Broomhilda having sex with Scotty, baby talking with him, talking him through it, making him feel loved and secure. NARRATOR (VO) After three months of this bliss, Scotty decided to take Broomhilda for a romantic weekend in Greenville. SCOTTY AND BROOMHILDA drive through the Main Street of Greenville, dressed to the nines, in a fancy carriage. Broomhilda dressed in a beautiful white lace dress, complete with white lace gloves, fancy ladies hat, and white parasol. Scotty, very proud of his pretty Pony, is dressed in a fashion best described as plantation pimp daddy. 6O NARRATOR (VO) White masters would take their pretty Ponys to Greenville for a treat or romantic excursion, for two reasons-One, seeing how bad the other slaves had it, always made the papered Ponys appreciate their privilege position, (just in case they'd forgot). BROOMHILDA holding her parasol, looking like a black Daisy Miller, watches the OTHER SLAVES march by in the mud. They watch her too. INT - HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT Broomhilda and Scotty, and their luggage, move into the fancy hotel lobby, and rent a room at the front desk. INSERT: HOTEL REGISTRY Scotty signs his name. The DESK CLERKS HAND checks the box on the registry book that indicates darkee female companion. INT -. GREENVILLE - NIGHT Greenville at night is a little different. At night, RICH WHITE MASTERS showing off their Ponys (like Scotty), rule the streets. NARRATOR (VO) And two, there was a sliver of society that ran through Greenville at night that catered to white masters who were infected with a condition that was normally referred to as, "Nigger love." At night the streets, the bars, bistros, and buggy rides were ruled by rich white masters showing off their pretty Pony's. EXT - CLEOPATRA CLUB - NIGHT An establishing shot.of the three story house that has been converted into private club called, The Cleopatra Club. NARRATOR (VO) But the crown jewel of all this interracial frivolity, was the members only, Cleopatra Club. INSERT: GOLD PLAQUE with the name, THE CLEOPATRA CLUB on it, next to it is a profile of Nefertiti. 6! INT - THE CLEOPATRA CLUB - RESTAURANT - NIGHT The interracial joint is jumping (as long as by interracial you mean white men and black women). Scotty and Broomhilda are enjoying a fancy dinner in the clubs dining room. We see across the dining room, the powerful white man, CALVIN CANDIE, sitting with some White Men and some Black Ponys, eyeing Broomhilda. SCOTTY I gotta tell you Broomhilda - I don't care if I go to. hell for this - I love you. And if loving you means I go to

third

How many times the word 'third' appears in the text?

'em. SPENCER'S HORSE his hooves race and rip up the grass. SPENCER riding for his life... DJANGO scope sight rifle up to his eye. Dr.SCHULTZ He's getting out of range. DJANGO I got 'em. INSERT: A black finger squeezes the rifle trigger. SPENCER BENNETT we're behind him as he rides away, OFF SCREEN we hear the whistling of what sounds like an incoming missle. SPENCER BENNETT we're in.front of Spencer Bennett as he rides, when Django's bullet, RIPS THROUGH his CHEST. DJANGO DJANGO I got 'em. SPENCER BENNETT falls from his horse, dead. DJANGO scope sight rifle in his hand, big smile on his face, looks.to Dr.Schultz. Dr.SCHULTZ Like that, huh? Referring to the scope sight rifle; DJANGO I like. Dr.SCHULTZ Well, I think while they take this opportunity to lick their wounds, we should take this opportunity to get the fuck out of Tennessee. They hop out of the tree. MONTAGE Dr.Schultz in a big city, buying Django a new saddle. Django gets his first initial "D" etched into it. The men go to different stores to purchase Django's wardrobe. The outfit bought, is selected by Django, with suggestions offered by Schultz. When he's done, Django looks damn handsome in his new duds. Brown cowboy boots, Green Corduroy Jacket, Smokey Grey Shirt, Tan Skin Tight Pants, and Light Brown Cowboy Hat. He looks a. bit like Elvis in "Flaming Star" and a Little Joe Cartwright on "Bonanza". However, tellingly, he keeps Ace Speck's Winter Coat as his winter coat. EXT - COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY Django, sitting on his new saddle, in his new duds, rides alongside the good doctor Schultz. The German carries a PICNIC BASKET. Dr.SCHULTZ But I'm serious son, Greenville is just too dangerous for you to go fucking around there. You're a freed, slave, you should be in New York. You shouldn't be in Greenville, you shouldn't even be forty miles on any side of Greenville., You shouldn't be anywhere in Mississippi. DJANGO She's my wife, it's my job to look after her. If Greenville's where I gotta go to find out where she went, then I gotta go. Now you were sayin' where I gotta go first? Dr.SCHULTZ There'should be some sort of records office. You know when she was sold, you know where she came from, the Carrucan Plantation, and you know her name ... . what is her name? DJANGO Broomhilda. Schultz reacts. Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda? Django.nods his head yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Were her owners German? Now Django reacts, "How did he know that? DJANGO Yeah, how did you know? She wasn't born on The Carrucan Plantation. She was raised by a German mistress, The Von Shafts. She can speak a little German too. Dr.SCHULTZ Your wife? DJANGO Yeah, when she was little her mistress taught her so she'd have somebody to talk German with. Dr.SCHULTZ So let me get this straight, your slave wife speaks German, and her name is Broomhilda Von Shaft...? DJANGO Yep. Mouthful, huh? Dr.SCHULTZ To say the least. (stopping the horse) This looks like a very pretty place to have our picnic. What'd ya say, here? TIME CUT EXT - PICNIC IN COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY The two men sit on a blanket with a nice picnic spread spread out. Django eats a cucumber sandwich with the crust cut off, and drinks a cup of tea. DJANGO How did you know Broomhilda's first masters were German? Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda is a German name. If they named her, it stands to reason they'd be German. DJANGO Lotsa gals where you from named Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ No, not so much. Broomhilda is the name of a character in one of the most popular of all the German legends. DJANGO Really? There's a story 'bout Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes there is. DJANGO Do you know it? Dr.SCHULTZ Every German knows that story. Would you like me to tell you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Well Broomhilda was a princess. She was the daughter of Wotan, the god of all gods. Anyway, her father is really mad at her. DJANGO What she do.? Dr.SCHULTZ I don't exactly remember. I think she disobeys him in some way. So at first he's just going to obliterate her - DJANGO Obliterate... . what does that mean? Dr.SCHULTZ Like blow up. He pantomimes a explosion. DJANGO Phew, that's pretty mad. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes it is, and like most fathers, given a little time, he calms down a bit. He's still mad at her. He still wants to punish her. Just not ... . blow her up. So instead what he does, is he puts her high on top of a mountain. DJANGO Broomhilda's on a mountain? Dr.SCHULTZ It's a German legend, there's always going to be a mountain in there somewhere. So, he puts her on top of the mountain and he puts a fire breathing dragon there to guard the mountain. And. then he surrounds her in circle of hellfire. And there Broomhilda shall remain, unless a hero arises brave enough to save her. DJANGO Does a fella arise? From now on as Dr.Schultz talks, he's beginning to realize something he wasn't aware of when the conversation started. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes Django, as a matter he does. A fella named, Sigfried. DJANGO Does Sigfried save her? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes he does, and quite spectacularly, so. Now true, he is assisted in his triumph by a truly, truly, remarkable sword, still, having said that, Sigfried triumphs over all of his obstacles not just due to his sword, but due to his courage. He scales the mountain, because he's not afraid of it. He defeats the dragon, because he's not afraid.of him. Dr.SCHULTZ (CON'T) He walks through hellfire because Broomhilda's worth. it. After that last line of dialogue... .the two men just let a moment pass as they nibble on their sandwiches. DJANGO I know how he feels. Dr.SCHULTZ I think I'm just starting to realize that. He pours Django and himself some more tea out of a fancy tea pot, as he thinks about what he's going to say next. Dr.SCHULTZ Look Django, I don't doubt one day you will save your lady love. But I'm afraid I can't let you go to Greenville in a good conscious. Let me ask you a question, how do you like the bounty hunting business? DJANGO Kill white folks, and they pay ya? What's not to like? Dr.SCHULTZ I hafta admit, we make a good team. DJANGO But I'thought you were mad at me for killin' Big John and Rodger? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes, on that occasion, you were a tad overzealous. But normally, that's a good thing. How'd you like to partner up for the winter? DJANGO What'd ya mean partner up? Dr.SCHULTZ You be my deputy, for real this time. A lot of the big money is in outlaw gangs. Some of these fellas are worth fifteen hundred or three thousand a piece. With one man, anything over three men is a risk. But with a partner? Creating cross fire? It's fish in a. barrel. A lot of these gangs hold up in the'hills for the winter. DJANGO You makin' another agreement? W7 Dr.SCHULTZ Yes. You work with me through the winter, till the snow melts. I give you a third of my bounties. And while we're together, I'll teach you a few things you're going to need to know. DJANGO Can you teach me how to make Tony do that head bow thing that Fritz can do? Dr.SCHULTZ That among other things. We make some money this winter, when the snow melts, I'll take you to Greenville myself, and we'll find where they sent your wife. I'm pretty good at finding people. Is it a deal? No white man has ever done anything for Django, just to him. So understandably, he's a little suspicious. DJANGO Why you care what happens to me? Why you care if I find my wife? Dr.SCHULTZ Well frankly, I've never given anybody their freedom before. And now that I have, I feel vaguely responsible for you. You're just not ready to go off on your own, it's that simple. You're too green, you'll get hurt. Plus when a German meets a real life Sigfried,. it's kind of a big deal. As a German, I'm obliged to help you on your quest to rescue your beloved Broomhilda. Django accepts that response. What follows is a MONTAGE covering the five months that Django and Schultz partner up as bounty hunters. Schultz wears his normal ensemble. Django wears his cool looking Green Jacket, unless it's really cold, which a lot of this Montage is. Then he still wears Ace Specks raw hide winter coat over his cool clothes. WE SEE A SCENE to be improvised (more or less), where Dr.Schultz teaches Django how to draw and shoot the pistol in the holster at his hip. By the end of the scene, after trial and error, we see Django's going to be good at this. EXT - HILLSIDE - SUNNY DAY We see Django and Dr.Schultz walking up a hill. Tony and Fritz have been left tied up downhill. Django leads a extra body HORSE (named PONCHO) behind him. Dr.Schultz carries his scope sight rifle in 'a long case. They get to the top of the hill. It overlooks a small farmhouse. Y, 8 DOWN BELOW WE SEE A LITTLE MAN struggling behind a plow, and his FIFTEEN YEAR OLD SON helping him by leading the horse forward. On top of their perch on the hill top, Dr.Schultz says; Dr.SCHULTZ Keep down or he'll see you. DJANGO Who that farmer? Who cares? Dr.SCHULTZ Well since we came here to kill 'em, he just might. DJANGO What? The little man pushin' that plow? Dr.SCHULTZ That little man pushing that plow, is Smitty Bacall. DJANGO Smitty Bacall is a farmer? Dr.SCHULTZ No. Smitty Bacall is a stagecoach robber who's hiding out as a farmer, because there's a seven thousand dollar bounty on his head. He hands Django the scope rifle case. Dr.SCHULTZ And he's all yours my boy. DJANGO lays on his belly, with the Scope Sight up to his eye. SCOPE SIGHT POV: on the Farmer struggling behind his plow, working hard with his horse and his son. Django's finger on the trigger... .but he hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Oh what happened.to mister I wanna kill white folks for money? DJANGO His son's with him. Dr.SCHULTZ Good. He'll have a loved one with him. Maybe even share a last word. That's better then most get, and a damn. sight better then he deserves. 1 9 Django still hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Put down the rifle. Don't worry, I'm not mad at you. Take out Smitty Bacall's handbill. Django removes the folded up handbill from the pocket of his tan pants. Dr.SCHULTZ Read it aloud. Consider it today's lesson. DJANGO (READING) "Wanted, dead or alive. Smitty Bacall and The Smitty Bacall Gang. For murder and stagecoach robbery. Seven thousand dollars for Smitty Bacall. One thousand and five hundred dollars for each of his gang members. Known members of The Smitty Bacall Gang are as follows, DANDY MICHAELS, GERALD NASH, and CRAZY CRAIG KOONS." Dr.SCHULTZ Well done. Bravo. THAT is who Smitty Bacall is. If Smitty Bacall wanted to start a farm at twenty-two, they would never of printed that. (REFERRING TO THE HANDBILL) But Smitty Bacall wanted to rob stagecoaches, and he didn't mind killing people to do it. You want to save your wife by doing what I do? This is what I do. I kill people, and sell their corpses for cash. His corpse is worth seven thousand dollars. Now quit your pussyfootin and shoot him. Django SHOOTS. The Little Man down below behind the plow falls down. The Young Boy doesn't know what happened at first. Then he figures'out his father was just shot. He goes to him in the dirt. Dr.SCHULTZ You need to keep that Smitty Bacall handbill. DJANGO Why? Dr.SCHULTZ It's good luck. You always keep the handbill of your first bounty. They begin walking down the hill, to collect Smitty Bacall's body, leading the extra body horse behind them. 50 As they walk down hill, they watch the little scene of Smitty Bacall's Son cradling his dying father.in his arms, the older man speaking his last words to his son before he dies. Dr.SCHULTZ See, they're having a tender little father son moment now. No doubt the most heartfelt one they've ever had. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - NIGHT It's now full on snowy winter in the hills. Django practices his quick draw against a SNOWMAN he's built. He sticks a BOTTLE in it, so the bottom of the bottle is where the snowman's heart would be. He DRAWS... Shoots the bottle heart! He DRAWS ... Shoots the left coal eye. He DRAWS ... Shoots the right coal eye. He DRAWS... Shoots the carrot nose. Dr.Schultz comes up behind him. Dr.SCHULTZ I think it's safe to say you're faster then the snowman. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - DIFFERENT NIGHT A outlaw gang known as The WILSON - LOWE GANG (five guys) ride through a snowy forest at night. When all five men and their Horses, are SHOT FROM ABOVE. DJANGO AND SCHULTZ up in a tree, FIRING DOWN ON them. EXT - WINTER MOUNTAIN TOWN MAIN STREET - NIGHT The FLAKES continue to FALL HARD as Dr.Schultz and Django ride down the main street of town, pulling poor Poncho who's FULLY LOADED DOWN with five corpses. 571 The local SHERIFF, DON GUS, watches the two men ride up, he knows them. SHERIFF GUS Doctor and Django, how the hell are ya, and who the hell ya got there? Dr.SCHULTZ The Wilson - Lowe Gang. SHERIFF GUS Who the hell's The Wilson - Lowe Gang? Dr.Schultz removes a handbill from his inside jacket pocket, and hands it down to the friendly peace officer. Dr.SCHULTZ Bad Chuck Wilson, and meaner Bobby Lowe. And three of their acolytes. SHERIFF GUS Just leave 'em out here, they ain't going nowhere. And if'in they do, god must love 'em, so who are we to say. Come outta the snowy snow and git yourself some coffee. TNT - SHERIFF GUS'S OFFICE - NIGHT The snow encrusted bounty hunters come inside the lawmans office. They exchange pleasantries about the weather as the Sheriff pours them coffee. After the two frosty gentlemen have drunk some of the hot liquid, they get down to business. As Schultz and Gus discuss the bounties, Django reads the handbills aloud from off the wall. On the third one he reads, WARREN VANDERS, and a two thousand dollar bounty, "That one", Schultz says. Django RIPS IT off the wall. As the winter has progressed, we see they've become a genuine bounty hunting team. And Django, a genuine bounty hunter. EXT - PRETTY MEADOW - DAY The snow has melted, and it's SPRING. And inside of this meadow Django practices his fast draw against five men... .by Schultz throwing FIVE COINS in the air ... DJANGO DRAWS FAST shoots three coins, FIRES again hitting another, then falls to the ground to get the fifth. He looks up from the ground at Schultz. 5L As Schultz collects the coins off the ground, he says; Dr.SCHULTZ You're pretty confident aren't you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ You have reason to be. He holds out his fist, opens his hand, the coins lay in his palm. All the coins have bullet holes dead in their center. He drops them on top of Django. DJANGO Still think I'm too green for Greenville? Dr.Schultz removes a pipe, sticks it in his mouth and says; Dr.SCHULTZ Oh you're ready for Greenville. He lights a match, then lights the pipe, puffing as he says; Dr.SCHULTZ Greenville ready for you, that I'm not so sure. He blows out the match... WE GO TO BLACK What we also saw in the above montage is Django shake off a lifetime of slavery. Django, in his green jacket, in his cowboy hat, on top of his steed Tony, with his gun hanging from his hip, has become his own man. He's not a slave anymore. He's a bounty hunter. BLACK TITLE CARD ACROSS THE SCREEN ONE LETTER AT A TIME STYLE (ala "Rocky" and "FLASHDANCE") MISSISSIPPI CUT TO EXT - THE TOWN OF GREENVILLE MISSISSIPPI - DAY The whole Main Street of Greenville is thick with five inches of shit brown mud that all the horse hooves, and wagon wheels, and slave feet have to wade through to get from one end of the town to the other. 53 We see Django and Dr.Schultz enter the town, and slosh their horses in the mud,, down the main street of Greenville Mississippi. The buying and selling of slaves is what the whole town is built around. BLACK MEN, WOMEN, and CHILDREN in BONDAGE are everywhere you look. LINES OF CHAINED SLAVES being marched one way or the other, move through the muddy streets of Greenville. WHITE MEN on horses move them along. BUCKBOARDS filled with DOMESTIC SLAVES (HOUSE NIGGERS), and pretty PONYS, driven by WHITE MEN roll through the street. A YOUNG WHITE BOY (14 years old), a shepherd, leads a bunch of SLAVE CHILDREN through town. A SHEPHERD'S DOG, HELPS HIM OUT BY MOVING THE KIDS ALONG. Impromptu slave auctions take place on almost every block. A SUBTITLE APPEARS on the bottom of the screen: GREENVILLE CHICKASAW COUNTY, MISSISSIPPI Dr.Schultz takes in this African flesh market, where human beings sell other human beings, with disgust and a little bit of shock. Django is neither disgusted or. shocked, he knows first hand how Greenville operates. As he rides Tony through town in his snappy duds, he looks'at the BLACK MEN half dressed: in chains. He REMEMBERS HIMSELF with his six Other Companions from earlier, being walked through the mud of Main Street by The Speck Brothers. On that day he might as well of been a steer. Today, with a gun on his hip, money in his pocket, in his snappy outfit, astride his steed Tony, he feels so different from these wretched half naked bastards it gives him a bit of a chill. Django sees the towns railroad depot, and across from it a huge SLAVE PEN, like a STEER CORRAL. At the moment there's no train in the depot. WE FLASH ON The TRAIN, at a earlier time, pulling into the depot. INSIDE ONE OF THE BOXCARS amidst a boxcar full of shirtless BLACK MALES, Django watches the train pull into the station, from inside the wooden slates of the boxcar.: A hatch in the roof of the boxcar is NOISILY YANKED OPEN, and TWO WHITE SLAVE TRADERS (RUSS AND JUDD), peer down at their human cargo. JUDD Good god almighty these niggers stink! I F RUSS Niggers stink, where's the shock? (to the Slaves BELOW) Okay you bucks, listen up, and listen well, I'm only gonna say this once. There's a slave corral right across from this boxcar. We gittin ready to open these doors. When we do, y'all run as fast as you can, right into that pen. 'Anyone gittin off trail, gonna get hurt and hurt bad. Now you niggers better comprehend. And that goes for any African garboons amongst y'all can't understand english ... . your American buddies better shove your ass in the right direction, or your trip to this country is going to be short, and pointless. Train to pen as fast as you can! The boxcar door is slid open, and a HUNDRED AND FIFTY BLACK MALES run full out from the train to the steer corral. We spot Django during the running. Once inside the corral, the gate is closed. COWBOYS with rifles act as prison guards. INSIDE THE CORRAL through the wooden posts, in the distance, Django watches them open up the boxcar holding the females. They do their run to their pen out of view. Django catches a quick glimpse of Broomhild.a running with the other LADIES, then she's gone from view. BACK TO DJANGO (PRESENT) Django and Dr.Schultz on top of their horses, taking in the sight of Greenville. Dr.SCHULTZ It's a spectacle out of Dante. DJANGO You should see it from the other side. Dr.SCHULTZ Frankly, I don't know if I could endure this. DJANGO You'd be surprised what you can endure. (BEAT) Where to? 675 Dr.SCHULTZ Records office. CUT TO INT - RECORDS OFFICE - DAY Dr.Schultz and Django walk into a records office, lined with books. We watch through the store front window, the black man and white man enter, and Dr.Schultz present his business card to a Dickensian looking RECORDS OFFICE WORKER. As Schultz starts his spellbinding with words routine... . The CAMERA FADES TO BLACK. BLACK TITLE CARD: BROOMHILDA INT - SLAVE PEN - DAY The same shot we saw before of Django fighting his way to the bars of the slave pen, to get a better last look of Broomhilda. Broomhilda, as before is walked by in the distance. Then, as before Django loses sight of her. EXT - MAIN STREET - GREENVILLE - DAY We follow in front of Broomhilda being lead out of the slave pen by TWO WHITE MALE SLAVERS. Her bare feet slosh in the Main Street mud, and the leg irons scrap her ankles. Up until now everything you've ever seen of Broomhilda, has only been in Django's Spaghetti Western Flashbacks. In other words, from his perspective, and memory. This is the,only time the story will shift to Broomhilda's perspective. The strong but frightened girl is led out on to the hustle and bustle, and wagon wheels and horse hoofs of Main Street. Broomhilda is not taken into that three story auction arena that Django was sold in at the beginning. Instead She's just lifted up on a parked buckboard wagon. Her SELLER (CLYDE) starts his pitch on the TWELVE or so BUYERS that watch this puny make shift auction. BROOMHILDA looks down into the crowd of twelve ugly white men, and holds her breath which one will buy her. Among the ugly white men we see Mr.HARMONY (MIKE), not quite as ugly as the rest. An older well dressed, classy gentleman. Next to him is his twenty four year old overweight awkward son SCOTTY HARMONY. Scotty in the audience, and Broomhilda on the wagon, THEIR EYES MEET, he nudges his dad. The Seller makes her expose her breasts to the small crowd. Then her back, revealing her whip marks. Then pointing out the runaway "r" branded in her cheek. Some of the crowd, including Scotty, react with repulsion at the sight of the whip marks. The Seller assures the crowd, that niggers don't feel pain like white folks, and it only makes the women more gentle. SELLER - CLYDE Fellahs, you ain't felt gentle, till you felt nigger gal gentle. UGLY MAN makes a bid. BROOMHILDA yikes. UGLIER MAN higher bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. UGLIER BY FAR GUY makes leap frog big bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. BIG GREASY FAT GUY makes a bid. BIG FAT GREASY BEAVER PELT COVERED TRAPPER makes a bid. A GIGGLING LEERING GROUP OF BROTHERS make a bid. A SEVENTY FIVE YEAR OLD INDIAN ON A MULE makes a bid. Mr.Harmony makes a bid for his son Scotty. Broomhilda notices that. And makes more eye contact with Scotty. They look at each other as Mr.Harmony continues to bid. A LITERARY NARRATOR comes on the soundtrack. NARRATOR (VO) On that day, eight months ago, the auction was won by Mike Harmony, as a birthday present for his fat boy son Scotty. Mr.Harmony congratulates his son. From on top of the buckboard Broomhilda looks down at her new owners. Later they leave for the Harmony house. Scotty lifts Broomhilda up into the back of the buckboard. He hands her a little white bag. SCOTTY This is for you. She opens the bag,candies of many colors sit in it. SCOTTY They're jelly beans. Try one. She selects a yellow one and puts it in her mouth. SCOTTY Good huh? She nods her head, yes. We see him drive the buckboard out of Greenville with Broomhilda in the back eating her bag of jelly beans. $XT - COUNTRY ROAD - DAY The buckboard makes its way down a country road. Broomhilda in the back, and Scotty driving the wagon. Scotty bought her, but he's too scared to talk to her. Broomhilda's muddy bare feet dangle off the wagon. She's beginning to realize the young master is the shy type. BROOMHILDA Master Scotty... ? SCOTTY Yes Broomhilda? BROOMHILDA I'm lonely back here. Can I come on up with you on that seat so we can talk? SCOTTY Please, I'd love that. She climbs into the driver's seat. In more ways then one. '8 EXT - THE HARMONY HOUSE - DAY A nice two story southern house. Very nice, but hardly a plantation. The household's FOUR DOMESTIC SLAVES. Broomhilda will be the fifth. The buckboard pulls up to the front of the house. Scotty's mother, Mrs.HARMONY (MARY LOUISE), waits to meet her son, and his new bought nigger gal. The older lady looks the black girl up and down and says to her; Mrs.HARMONY What's your name, gal? BROOMHILDA Broomhilda. Mrs.HARMONY Follow me. into the kitchen, ('to her son) You stay out here. INT - KITCHEN - DAY Mrs.Harmony brings Broomhilda in her kitchen. The TWO DOMESTIC SLAVES that were in, there are chased out by the boss lady. Mrs.Harmony grabs Broomhilda by the wrist, and tells her; Mrs.HARMONY I want to have a word with you, wench. You met my boy Scotty. You can tell ain't no white girl gonna fool with him. And if they do fool with him, they fool with him for the wrong reason. Boy's twenty four, he still ain't a man yet. That's why you're here. Be nice to him. He's a very sweet boy. Play him right, he'll eat bird seed out of your palm. Play 'em wrong, you'll deal with me. BROOMHILDA I like Scotty. He's just shy is all. All he needs is a little confidence. Mrs.HARMONY And you'll give that to him? BROOMHILDA I'll do my best, mam. Scotty's a real sweet boy. Mrs.HARMONY He is, isn't he? BROOMHILDA Ah-huh. The mother lets go of the young lady's wrist. 19 NARRATOR (VO) Basically The Harmony's bought a slave bride for young master Scotty that day. And the two kids had a nice time playing house for awhile. We see Scotty and Broomhilda catching butterflies in butterfly nets in the daytime.. At night they catch LIGHTNING BUGS together. At night in Scotty's bed, while the young man lay fast asleep, Broomhilda looks at her jelly jar of GLOWING LIGHTNING BUGS. NARRATOR (VO) As Scotty's sort of defacto sweetheart, if no visitors were about, Broomhilda would even join the family at their dinner table. We see them at dinner eating fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. NARRATOR.(VO) And pretty soon she was adopted into a member of the family. Mrs.Harmony and Broomhilda sewing together. The Harmony family and Broomhilda playing croquet in the front yard. After dinner, Mrs.Harmony entertaining the family by playing the piano. Mr.Harmony reading the women and his son a story from a storybook. NARRATOR (VO) Scotty was never happier. Scotty and Broomhilda walking holding hands at Southern magic hour. Broomhilda having sex with Scotty, baby talking with him, talking him through it, making him feel loved and secure. NARRATOR (VO) After three months of this bliss, Scotty decided to take Broomhilda for a romantic weekend in Greenville. SCOTTY AND BROOMHILDA drive through the Main Street of Greenville, dressed to the nines, in a fancy carriage. Broomhilda dressed in a beautiful white lace dress, complete with white lace gloves, fancy ladies hat, and white parasol. Scotty, very proud of his pretty Pony, is dressed in a fashion best described as plantation pimp daddy. 6O NARRATOR (VO) White masters would take their pretty Ponys to Greenville for a treat or romantic excursion, for two reasons-One, seeing how bad the other slaves had it, always made the papered Ponys appreciate their privilege position, (just in case they'd forgot). BROOMHILDA holding her parasol, looking like a black Daisy Miller, watches the OTHER SLAVES march by in the mud. They watch her too. INT - HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT Broomhilda and Scotty, and their luggage, move into the fancy hotel lobby, and rent a room at the front desk. INSERT: HOTEL REGISTRY Scotty signs his name. The DESK CLERKS HAND checks the box on the registry book that indicates darkee female companion. INT -. GREENVILLE - NIGHT Greenville at night is a little different. At night, RICH WHITE MASTERS showing off their Ponys (like Scotty), rule the streets. NARRATOR (VO) And two, there was a sliver of society that ran through Greenville at night that catered to white masters who were infected with a condition that was normally referred to as, "Nigger love." At night the streets, the bars, bistros, and buggy rides were ruled by rich white masters showing off their pretty Pony's. EXT - CLEOPATRA CLUB - NIGHT An establishing shot.of the three story house that has been converted into private club called, The Cleopatra Club. NARRATOR (VO) But the crown jewel of all this interracial frivolity, was the members only, Cleopatra Club. INSERT: GOLD PLAQUE with the name, THE CLEOPATRA CLUB on it, next to it is a profile of Nefertiti. 6! INT - THE CLEOPATRA CLUB - RESTAURANT - NIGHT The interracial joint is jumping (as long as by interracial you mean white men and black women). Scotty and Broomhilda are enjoying a fancy dinner in the clubs dining room. We see across the dining room, the powerful white man, CALVIN CANDIE, sitting with some White Men and some Black Ponys, eyeing Broomhilda. SCOTTY I gotta tell you Broomhilda - I don't care if I go to. hell for this - I love you. And if loving you means I go to

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How many times the word 'exclamation' appears in the text?

'em. SPENCER'S HORSE his hooves race and rip up the grass. SPENCER riding for his life... DJANGO scope sight rifle up to his eye. Dr.SCHULTZ He's getting out of range. DJANGO I got 'em. INSERT: A black finger squeezes the rifle trigger. SPENCER BENNETT we're behind him as he rides away, OFF SCREEN we hear the whistling of what sounds like an incoming missle. SPENCER BENNETT we're in.front of Spencer Bennett as he rides, when Django's bullet, RIPS THROUGH his CHEST. DJANGO DJANGO I got 'em. SPENCER BENNETT falls from his horse, dead. DJANGO scope sight rifle in his hand, big smile on his face, looks.to Dr.Schultz. Dr.SCHULTZ Like that, huh? Referring to the scope sight rifle; DJANGO I like. Dr.SCHULTZ Well, I think while they take this opportunity to lick their wounds, we should take this opportunity to get the fuck out of Tennessee. They hop out of the tree. MONTAGE Dr.Schultz in a big city, buying Django a new saddle. Django gets his first initial "D" etched into it. The men go to different stores to purchase Django's wardrobe. The outfit bought, is selected by Django, with suggestions offered by Schultz. When he's done, Django looks damn handsome in his new duds. Brown cowboy boots, Green Corduroy Jacket, Smokey Grey Shirt, Tan Skin Tight Pants, and Light Brown Cowboy Hat. He looks a. bit like Elvis in "Flaming Star" and a Little Joe Cartwright on "Bonanza". However, tellingly, he keeps Ace Speck's Winter Coat as his winter coat. EXT - COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY Django, sitting on his new saddle, in his new duds, rides alongside the good doctor Schultz. The German carries a PICNIC BASKET. Dr.SCHULTZ But I'm serious son, Greenville is just too dangerous for you to go fucking around there. You're a freed, slave, you should be in New York. You shouldn't be in Greenville, you shouldn't even be forty miles on any side of Greenville., You shouldn't be anywhere in Mississippi. DJANGO She's my wife, it's my job to look after her. If Greenville's where I gotta go to find out where she went, then I gotta go. Now you were sayin' where I gotta go first? Dr.SCHULTZ There'should be some sort of records office. You know when she was sold, you know where she came from, the Carrucan Plantation, and you know her name ... . what is her name? DJANGO Broomhilda. Schultz reacts. Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda? Django.nods his head yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Were her owners German? Now Django reacts, "How did he know that? DJANGO Yeah, how did you know? She wasn't born on The Carrucan Plantation. She was raised by a German mistress, The Von Shafts. She can speak a little German too. Dr.SCHULTZ Your wife? DJANGO Yeah, when she was little her mistress taught her so she'd have somebody to talk German with. Dr.SCHULTZ So let me get this straight, your slave wife speaks German, and her name is Broomhilda Von Shaft...? DJANGO Yep. Mouthful, huh? Dr.SCHULTZ To say the least. (stopping the horse) This looks like a very pretty place to have our picnic. What'd ya say, here? TIME CUT EXT - PICNIC IN COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY The two men sit on a blanket with a nice picnic spread spread out. Django eats a cucumber sandwich with the crust cut off, and drinks a cup of tea. DJANGO How did you know Broomhilda's first masters were German? Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda is a German name. If they named her, it stands to reason they'd be German. DJANGO Lotsa gals where you from named Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ No, not so much. Broomhilda is the name of a character in one of the most popular of all the German legends. DJANGO Really? There's a story 'bout Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes there is. DJANGO Do you know it? Dr.SCHULTZ Every German knows that story. Would you like me to tell you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Well Broomhilda was a princess. She was the daughter of Wotan, the god of all gods. Anyway, her father is really mad at her. DJANGO What she do.? Dr.SCHULTZ I don't exactly remember. I think she disobeys him in some way. So at first he's just going to obliterate her - DJANGO Obliterate... . what does that mean? Dr.SCHULTZ Like blow up. He pantomimes a explosion. DJANGO Phew, that's pretty mad. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes it is, and like most fathers, given a little time, he calms down a bit. He's still mad at her. He still wants to punish her. Just not ... . blow her up. So instead what he does, is he puts her high on top of a mountain. DJANGO Broomhilda's on a mountain? Dr.SCHULTZ It's a German legend, there's always going to be a mountain in there somewhere. So, he puts her on top of the mountain and he puts a fire breathing dragon there to guard the mountain. And. then he surrounds her in circle of hellfire. And there Broomhilda shall remain, unless a hero arises brave enough to save her. DJANGO Does a fella arise? From now on as Dr.Schultz talks, he's beginning to realize something he wasn't aware of when the conversation started. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes Django, as a matter he does. A fella named, Sigfried. DJANGO Does Sigfried save her? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes he does, and quite spectacularly, so. Now true, he is assisted in his triumph by a truly, truly, remarkable sword, still, having said that, Sigfried triumphs over all of his obstacles not just due to his sword, but due to his courage. He scales the mountain, because he's not afraid of it. He defeats the dragon, because he's not afraid.of him. Dr.SCHULTZ (CON'T) He walks through hellfire because Broomhilda's worth. it. After that last line of dialogue... .the two men just let a moment pass as they nibble on their sandwiches. DJANGO I know how he feels. Dr.SCHULTZ I think I'm just starting to realize that. He pours Django and himself some more tea out of a fancy tea pot, as he thinks about what he's going to say next. Dr.SCHULTZ Look Django, I don't doubt one day you will save your lady love. But I'm afraid I can't let you go to Greenville in a good conscious. Let me ask you a question, how do you like the bounty hunting business? DJANGO Kill white folks, and they pay ya? What's not to like? Dr.SCHULTZ I hafta admit, we make a good team. DJANGO But I'thought you were mad at me for killin' Big John and Rodger? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes, on that occasion, you were a tad overzealous. But normally, that's a good thing. How'd you like to partner up for the winter? DJANGO What'd ya mean partner up? Dr.SCHULTZ You be my deputy, for real this time. A lot of the big money is in outlaw gangs. Some of these fellas are worth fifteen hundred or three thousand a piece. With one man, anything over three men is a risk. But with a partner? Creating cross fire? It's fish in a. barrel. A lot of these gangs hold up in the'hills for the winter. DJANGO You makin' another agreement? W7 Dr.SCHULTZ Yes. You work with me through the winter, till the snow melts. I give you a third of my bounties. And while we're together, I'll teach you a few things you're going to need to know. DJANGO Can you teach me how to make Tony do that head bow thing that Fritz can do? Dr.SCHULTZ That among other things. We make some money this winter, when the snow melts, I'll take you to Greenville myself, and we'll find where they sent your wife. I'm pretty good at finding people. Is it a deal? No white man has ever done anything for Django, just to him. So understandably, he's a little suspicious. DJANGO Why you care what happens to me? Why you care if I find my wife? Dr.SCHULTZ Well frankly, I've never given anybody their freedom before. And now that I have, I feel vaguely responsible for you. You're just not ready to go off on your own, it's that simple. You're too green, you'll get hurt. Plus when a German meets a real life Sigfried,. it's kind of a big deal. As a German, I'm obliged to help you on your quest to rescue your beloved Broomhilda. Django accepts that response. What follows is a MONTAGE covering the five months that Django and Schultz partner up as bounty hunters. Schultz wears his normal ensemble. Django wears his cool looking Green Jacket, unless it's really cold, which a lot of this Montage is. Then he still wears Ace Specks raw hide winter coat over his cool clothes. WE SEE A SCENE to be improvised (more or less), where Dr.Schultz teaches Django how to draw and shoot the pistol in the holster at his hip. By the end of the scene, after trial and error, we see Django's going to be good at this. EXT - HILLSIDE - SUNNY DAY We see Django and Dr.Schultz walking up a hill. Tony and Fritz have been left tied up downhill. Django leads a extra body HORSE (named PONCHO) behind him. Dr.Schultz carries his scope sight rifle in 'a long case. They get to the top of the hill. It overlooks a small farmhouse. Y, 8 DOWN BELOW WE SEE A LITTLE MAN struggling behind a plow, and his FIFTEEN YEAR OLD SON helping him by leading the horse forward. On top of their perch on the hill top, Dr.Schultz says; Dr.SCHULTZ Keep down or he'll see you. DJANGO Who that farmer? Who cares? Dr.SCHULTZ Well since we came here to kill 'em, he just might. DJANGO What? The little man pushin' that plow? Dr.SCHULTZ That little man pushing that plow, is Smitty Bacall. DJANGO Smitty Bacall is a farmer? Dr.SCHULTZ No. Smitty Bacall is a stagecoach robber who's hiding out as a farmer, because there's a seven thousand dollar bounty on his head. He hands Django the scope rifle case. Dr.SCHULTZ And he's all yours my boy. DJANGO lays on his belly, with the Scope Sight up to his eye. SCOPE SIGHT POV: on the Farmer struggling behind his plow, working hard with his horse and his son. Django's finger on the trigger... .but he hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Oh what happened.to mister I wanna kill white folks for money? DJANGO His son's with him. Dr.SCHULTZ Good. He'll have a loved one with him. Maybe even share a last word. That's better then most get, and a damn. sight better then he deserves. 1 9 Django still hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Put down the rifle. Don't worry, I'm not mad at you. Take out Smitty Bacall's handbill. Django removes the folded up handbill from the pocket of his tan pants. Dr.SCHULTZ Read it aloud. Consider it today's lesson. DJANGO (READING) "Wanted, dead or alive. Smitty Bacall and The Smitty Bacall Gang. For murder and stagecoach robbery. Seven thousand dollars for Smitty Bacall. One thousand and five hundred dollars for each of his gang members. Known members of The Smitty Bacall Gang are as follows, DANDY MICHAELS, GERALD NASH, and CRAZY CRAIG KOONS." Dr.SCHULTZ Well done. Bravo. THAT is who Smitty Bacall is. If Smitty Bacall wanted to start a farm at twenty-two, they would never of printed that. (REFERRING TO THE HANDBILL) But Smitty Bacall wanted to rob stagecoaches, and he didn't mind killing people to do it. You want to save your wife by doing what I do? This is what I do. I kill people, and sell their corpses for cash. His corpse is worth seven thousand dollars. Now quit your pussyfootin and shoot him. Django SHOOTS. The Little Man down below behind the plow falls down. The Young Boy doesn't know what happened at first. Then he figures'out his father was just shot. He goes to him in the dirt. Dr.SCHULTZ You need to keep that Smitty Bacall handbill. DJANGO Why? Dr.SCHULTZ It's good luck. You always keep the handbill of your first bounty. They begin walking down the hill, to collect Smitty Bacall's body, leading the extra body horse behind them. 50 As they walk down hill, they watch the little scene of Smitty Bacall's Son cradling his dying father.in his arms, the older man speaking his last words to his son before he dies. Dr.SCHULTZ See, they're having a tender little father son moment now. No doubt the most heartfelt one they've ever had. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - NIGHT It's now full on snowy winter in the hills. Django practices his quick draw against a SNOWMAN he's built. He sticks a BOTTLE in it, so the bottom of the bottle is where the snowman's heart would be. He DRAWS... Shoots the bottle heart! He DRAWS ... Shoots the left coal eye. He DRAWS ... Shoots the right coal eye. He DRAWS... Shoots the carrot nose. Dr.Schultz comes up behind him. Dr.SCHULTZ I think it's safe to say you're faster then the snowman. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - DIFFERENT NIGHT A outlaw gang known as The WILSON - LOWE GANG (five guys) ride through a snowy forest at night. When all five men and their Horses, are SHOT FROM ABOVE. DJANGO AND SCHULTZ up in a tree, FIRING DOWN ON them. EXT - WINTER MOUNTAIN TOWN MAIN STREET - NIGHT The FLAKES continue to FALL HARD as Dr.Schultz and Django ride down the main street of town, pulling poor Poncho who's FULLY LOADED DOWN with five corpses. 571 The local SHERIFF, DON GUS, watches the two men ride up, he knows them. SHERIFF GUS Doctor and Django, how the hell are ya, and who the hell ya got there? Dr.SCHULTZ The Wilson - Lowe Gang. SHERIFF GUS Who the hell's The Wilson - Lowe Gang? Dr.Schultz removes a handbill from his inside jacket pocket, and hands it down to the friendly peace officer. Dr.SCHULTZ Bad Chuck Wilson, and meaner Bobby Lowe. And three of their acolytes. SHERIFF GUS Just leave 'em out here, they ain't going nowhere. And if'in they do, god must love 'em, so who are we to say. Come outta the snowy snow and git yourself some coffee. TNT - SHERIFF GUS'S OFFICE - NIGHT The snow encrusted bounty hunters come inside the lawmans office. They exchange pleasantries about the weather as the Sheriff pours them coffee. After the two frosty gentlemen have drunk some of the hot liquid, they get down to business. As Schultz and Gus discuss the bounties, Django reads the handbills aloud from off the wall. On the third one he reads, WARREN VANDERS, and a two thousand dollar bounty, "That one", Schultz says. Django RIPS IT off the wall. As the winter has progressed, we see they've become a genuine bounty hunting team. And Django, a genuine bounty hunter. EXT - PRETTY MEADOW - DAY The snow has melted, and it's SPRING. And inside of this meadow Django practices his fast draw against five men... .by Schultz throwing FIVE COINS in the air ... DJANGO DRAWS FAST shoots three coins, FIRES again hitting another, then falls to the ground to get the fifth. He looks up from the ground at Schultz. 5L As Schultz collects the coins off the ground, he says; Dr.SCHULTZ You're pretty confident aren't you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ You have reason to be. He holds out his fist, opens his hand, the coins lay in his palm. All the coins have bullet holes dead in their center. He drops them on top of Django. DJANGO Still think I'm too green for Greenville? Dr.Schultz removes a pipe, sticks it in his mouth and says; Dr.SCHULTZ Oh you're ready for Greenville. He lights a match, then lights the pipe, puffing as he says; Dr.SCHULTZ Greenville ready for you, that I'm not so sure. He blows out the match... WE GO TO BLACK What we also saw in the above montage is Django shake off a lifetime of slavery. Django, in his green jacket, in his cowboy hat, on top of his steed Tony, with his gun hanging from his hip, has become his own man. He's not a slave anymore. He's a bounty hunter. BLACK TITLE CARD ACROSS THE SCREEN ONE LETTER AT A TIME STYLE (ala "Rocky" and "FLASHDANCE") MISSISSIPPI CUT TO EXT - THE TOWN OF GREENVILLE MISSISSIPPI - DAY The whole Main Street of Greenville is thick with five inches of shit brown mud that all the horse hooves, and wagon wheels, and slave feet have to wade through to get from one end of the town to the other. 53 We see Django and Dr.Schultz enter the town, and slosh their horses in the mud,, down the main street of Greenville Mississippi. The buying and selling of slaves is what the whole town is built around. BLACK MEN, WOMEN, and CHILDREN in BONDAGE are everywhere you look. LINES OF CHAINED SLAVES being marched one way or the other, move through the muddy streets of Greenville. WHITE MEN on horses move them along. BUCKBOARDS filled with DOMESTIC SLAVES (HOUSE NIGGERS), and pretty PONYS, driven by WHITE MEN roll through the street. A YOUNG WHITE BOY (14 years old), a shepherd, leads a bunch of SLAVE CHILDREN through town. A SHEPHERD'S DOG, HELPS HIM OUT BY MOVING THE KIDS ALONG. Impromptu slave auctions take place on almost every block. A SUBTITLE APPEARS on the bottom of the screen: GREENVILLE CHICKASAW COUNTY, MISSISSIPPI Dr.Schultz takes in this African flesh market, where human beings sell other human beings, with disgust and a little bit of shock. Django is neither disgusted or. shocked, he knows first hand how Greenville operates. As he rides Tony through town in his snappy duds, he looks'at the BLACK MEN half dressed: in chains. He REMEMBERS HIMSELF with his six Other Companions from earlier, being walked through the mud of Main Street by The Speck Brothers. On that day he might as well of been a steer. Today, with a gun on his hip, money in his pocket, in his snappy outfit, astride his steed Tony, he feels so different from these wretched half naked bastards it gives him a bit of a chill. Django sees the towns railroad depot, and across from it a huge SLAVE PEN, like a STEER CORRAL. At the moment there's no train in the depot. WE FLASH ON The TRAIN, at a earlier time, pulling into the depot. INSIDE ONE OF THE BOXCARS amidst a boxcar full of shirtless BLACK MALES, Django watches the train pull into the station, from inside the wooden slates of the boxcar.: A hatch in the roof of the boxcar is NOISILY YANKED OPEN, and TWO WHITE SLAVE TRADERS (RUSS AND JUDD), peer down at their human cargo. JUDD Good god almighty these niggers stink! I F RUSS Niggers stink, where's the shock? (to the Slaves BELOW) Okay you bucks, listen up, and listen well, I'm only gonna say this once. There's a slave corral right across from this boxcar. We gittin ready to open these doors. When we do, y'all run as fast as you can, right into that pen. 'Anyone gittin off trail, gonna get hurt and hurt bad. Now you niggers better comprehend. And that goes for any African garboons amongst y'all can't understand english ... . your American buddies better shove your ass in the right direction, or your trip to this country is going to be short, and pointless. Train to pen as fast as you can! The boxcar door is slid open, and a HUNDRED AND FIFTY BLACK MALES run full out from the train to the steer corral. We spot Django during the running. Once inside the corral, the gate is closed. COWBOYS with rifles act as prison guards. INSIDE THE CORRAL through the wooden posts, in the distance, Django watches them open up the boxcar holding the females. They do their run to their pen out of view. Django catches a quick glimpse of Broomhild.a running with the other LADIES, then she's gone from view. BACK TO DJANGO (PRESENT) Django and Dr.Schultz on top of their horses, taking in the sight of Greenville. Dr.SCHULTZ It's a spectacle out of Dante. DJANGO You should see it from the other side. Dr.SCHULTZ Frankly, I don't know if I could endure this. DJANGO You'd be surprised what you can endure. (BEAT) Where to? 675 Dr.SCHULTZ Records office. CUT TO INT - RECORDS OFFICE - DAY Dr.Schultz and Django walk into a records office, lined with books. We watch through the store front window, the black man and white man enter, and Dr.Schultz present his business card to a Dickensian looking RECORDS OFFICE WORKER. As Schultz starts his spellbinding with words routine... . The CAMERA FADES TO BLACK. BLACK TITLE CARD: BROOMHILDA INT - SLAVE PEN - DAY The same shot we saw before of Django fighting his way to the bars of the slave pen, to get a better last look of Broomhilda. Broomhilda, as before is walked by in the distance. Then, as before Django loses sight of her. EXT - MAIN STREET - GREENVILLE - DAY We follow in front of Broomhilda being lead out of the slave pen by TWO WHITE MALE SLAVERS. Her bare feet slosh in the Main Street mud, and the leg irons scrap her ankles. Up until now everything you've ever seen of Broomhilda, has only been in Django's Spaghetti Western Flashbacks. In other words, from his perspective, and memory. This is the,only time the story will shift to Broomhilda's perspective. The strong but frightened girl is led out on to the hustle and bustle, and wagon wheels and horse hoofs of Main Street. Broomhilda is not taken into that three story auction arena that Django was sold in at the beginning. Instead She's just lifted up on a parked buckboard wagon. Her SELLER (CLYDE) starts his pitch on the TWELVE or so BUYERS that watch this puny make shift auction. BROOMHILDA looks down into the crowd of twelve ugly white men, and holds her breath which one will buy her. Among the ugly white men we see Mr.HARMONY (MIKE), not quite as ugly as the rest. An older well dressed, classy gentleman. Next to him is his twenty four year old overweight awkward son SCOTTY HARMONY. Scotty in the audience, and Broomhilda on the wagon, THEIR EYES MEET, he nudges his dad. The Seller makes her expose her breasts to the small crowd. Then her back, revealing her whip marks. Then pointing out the runaway "r" branded in her cheek. Some of the crowd, including Scotty, react with repulsion at the sight of the whip marks. The Seller assures the crowd, that niggers don't feel pain like white folks, and it only makes the women more gentle. SELLER - CLYDE Fellahs, you ain't felt gentle, till you felt nigger gal gentle. UGLY MAN makes a bid. BROOMHILDA yikes. UGLIER MAN higher bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. UGLIER BY FAR GUY makes leap frog big bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. BIG GREASY FAT GUY makes a bid. BIG FAT GREASY BEAVER PELT COVERED TRAPPER makes a bid. A GIGGLING LEERING GROUP OF BROTHERS make a bid. A SEVENTY FIVE YEAR OLD INDIAN ON A MULE makes a bid. Mr.Harmony makes a bid for his son Scotty. Broomhilda notices that. And makes more eye contact with Scotty. They look at each other as Mr.Harmony continues to bid. A LITERARY NARRATOR comes on the soundtrack. NARRATOR (VO) On that day, eight months ago, the auction was won by Mike Harmony, as a birthday present for his fat boy son Scotty. Mr.Harmony congratulates his son. From on top of the buckboard Broomhilda looks down at her new owners. Later they leave for the Harmony house. Scotty lifts Broomhilda up into the back of the buckboard. He hands her a little white bag. SCOTTY This is for you. She opens the bag,candies of many colors sit in it. SCOTTY They're jelly beans. Try one. She selects a yellow one and puts it in her mouth. SCOTTY Good huh? She nods her head, yes. We see him drive the buckboard out of Greenville with Broomhilda in the back eating her bag of jelly beans. $XT - COUNTRY ROAD - DAY The buckboard makes its way down a country road. Broomhilda in the back, and Scotty driving the wagon. Scotty bought her, but he's too scared to talk to her. Broomhilda's muddy bare feet dangle off the wagon. She's beginning to realize the young master is the shy type. BROOMHILDA Master Scotty... ? SCOTTY Yes Broomhilda? BROOMHILDA I'm lonely back here. Can I come on up with you on that seat so we can talk? SCOTTY Please, I'd love that. She climbs into the driver's seat. In more ways then one. '8 EXT - THE HARMONY HOUSE - DAY A nice two story southern house. Very nice, but hardly a plantation. The household's FOUR DOMESTIC SLAVES. Broomhilda will be the fifth. The buckboard pulls up to the front of the house. Scotty's mother, Mrs.HARMONY (MARY LOUISE), waits to meet her son, and his new bought nigger gal. The older lady looks the black girl up and down and says to her; Mrs.HARMONY What's your name, gal? BROOMHILDA Broomhilda. Mrs.HARMONY Follow me. into the kitchen, ('to her son) You stay out here. INT - KITCHEN - DAY Mrs.Harmony brings Broomhilda in her kitchen. The TWO DOMESTIC SLAVES that were in, there are chased out by the boss lady. Mrs.Harmony grabs Broomhilda by the wrist, and tells her; Mrs.HARMONY I want to have a word with you, wench. You met my boy Scotty. You can tell ain't no white girl gonna fool with him. And if they do fool with him, they fool with him for the wrong reason. Boy's twenty four, he still ain't a man yet. That's why you're here. Be nice to him. He's a very sweet boy. Play him right, he'll eat bird seed out of your palm. Play 'em wrong, you'll deal with me. BROOMHILDA I like Scotty. He's just shy is all. All he needs is a little confidence. Mrs.HARMONY And you'll give that to him? BROOMHILDA I'll do my best, mam. Scotty's a real sweet boy. Mrs.HARMONY He is, isn't he? BROOMHILDA Ah-huh. The mother lets go of the young lady's wrist. 19 NARRATOR (VO) Basically The Harmony's bought a slave bride for young master Scotty that day. And the two kids had a nice time playing house for awhile. We see Scotty and Broomhilda catching butterflies in butterfly nets in the daytime.. At night they catch LIGHTNING BUGS together. At night in Scotty's bed, while the young man lay fast asleep, Broomhilda looks at her jelly jar of GLOWING LIGHTNING BUGS. NARRATOR (VO) As Scotty's sort of defacto sweetheart, if no visitors were about, Broomhilda would even join the family at their dinner table. We see them at dinner eating fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. NARRATOR.(VO) And pretty soon she was adopted into a member of the family. Mrs.Harmony and Broomhilda sewing together. The Harmony family and Broomhilda playing croquet in the front yard. After dinner, Mrs.Harmony entertaining the family by playing the piano. Mr.Harmony reading the women and his son a story from a storybook. NARRATOR (VO) Scotty was never happier. Scotty and Broomhilda walking holding hands at Southern magic hour. Broomhilda having sex with Scotty, baby talking with him, talking him through it, making him feel loved and secure. NARRATOR (VO) After three months of this bliss, Scotty decided to take Broomhilda for a romantic weekend in Greenville. SCOTTY AND BROOMHILDA drive through the Main Street of Greenville, dressed to the nines, in a fancy carriage. Broomhilda dressed in a beautiful white lace dress, complete with white lace gloves, fancy ladies hat, and white parasol. Scotty, very proud of his pretty Pony, is dressed in a fashion best described as plantation pimp daddy. 6O NARRATOR (VO) White masters would take their pretty Ponys to Greenville for a treat or romantic excursion, for two reasons-One, seeing how bad the other slaves had it, always made the papered Ponys appreciate their privilege position, (just in case they'd forgot). BROOMHILDA holding her parasol, looking like a black Daisy Miller, watches the OTHER SLAVES march by in the mud. They watch her too. INT - HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT Broomhilda and Scotty, and their luggage, move into the fancy hotel lobby, and rent a room at the front desk. INSERT: HOTEL REGISTRY Scotty signs his name. The DESK CLERKS HAND checks the box on the registry book that indicates darkee female companion. INT -. GREENVILLE - NIGHT Greenville at night is a little different. At night, RICH WHITE MASTERS showing off their Ponys (like Scotty), rule the streets. NARRATOR (VO) And two, there was a sliver of society that ran through Greenville at night that catered to white masters who were infected with a condition that was normally referred to as, "Nigger love." At night the streets, the bars, bistros, and buggy rides were ruled by rich white masters showing off their pretty Pony's. EXT - CLEOPATRA CLUB - NIGHT An establishing shot.of the three story house that has been converted into private club called, The Cleopatra Club. NARRATOR (VO) But the crown jewel of all this interracial frivolity, was the members only, Cleopatra Club. INSERT: GOLD PLAQUE with the name, THE CLEOPATRA CLUB on it, next to it is a profile of Nefertiti. 6! INT - THE CLEOPATRA CLUB - RESTAURANT - NIGHT The interracial joint is jumping (as long as by interracial you mean white men and black women). Scotty and Broomhilda are enjoying a fancy dinner in the clubs dining room. We see across the dining room, the powerful white man, CALVIN CANDIE, sitting with some White Men and some Black Ponys, eyeing Broomhilda. SCOTTY I gotta tell you Broomhilda - I don't care if I go to. hell for this - I love you. And if loving you means I go to

generosity

How many times the word 'generosity' appears in the text?

'em. SPENCER'S HORSE his hooves race and rip up the grass. SPENCER riding for his life... DJANGO scope sight rifle up to his eye. Dr.SCHULTZ He's getting out of range. DJANGO I got 'em. INSERT: A black finger squeezes the rifle trigger. SPENCER BENNETT we're behind him as he rides away, OFF SCREEN we hear the whistling of what sounds like an incoming missle. SPENCER BENNETT we're in.front of Spencer Bennett as he rides, when Django's bullet, RIPS THROUGH his CHEST. DJANGO DJANGO I got 'em. SPENCER BENNETT falls from his horse, dead. DJANGO scope sight rifle in his hand, big smile on his face, looks.to Dr.Schultz. Dr.SCHULTZ Like that, huh? Referring to the scope sight rifle; DJANGO I like. Dr.SCHULTZ Well, I think while they take this opportunity to lick their wounds, we should take this opportunity to get the fuck out of Tennessee. They hop out of the tree. MONTAGE Dr.Schultz in a big city, buying Django a new saddle. Django gets his first initial "D" etched into it. The men go to different stores to purchase Django's wardrobe. The outfit bought, is selected by Django, with suggestions offered by Schultz. When he's done, Django looks damn handsome in his new duds. Brown cowboy boots, Green Corduroy Jacket, Smokey Grey Shirt, Tan Skin Tight Pants, and Light Brown Cowboy Hat. He looks a. bit like Elvis in "Flaming Star" and a Little Joe Cartwright on "Bonanza". However, tellingly, he keeps Ace Speck's Winter Coat as his winter coat. EXT - COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY Django, sitting on his new saddle, in his new duds, rides alongside the good doctor Schultz. The German carries a PICNIC BASKET. Dr.SCHULTZ But I'm serious son, Greenville is just too dangerous for you to go fucking around there. You're a freed, slave, you should be in New York. You shouldn't be in Greenville, you shouldn't even be forty miles on any side of Greenville., You shouldn't be anywhere in Mississippi. DJANGO She's my wife, it's my job to look after her. If Greenville's where I gotta go to find out where she went, then I gotta go. Now you were sayin' where I gotta go first? Dr.SCHULTZ There'should be some sort of records office. You know when she was sold, you know where she came from, the Carrucan Plantation, and you know her name ... . what is her name? DJANGO Broomhilda. Schultz reacts. Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda? Django.nods his head yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Were her owners German? Now Django reacts, "How did he know that? DJANGO Yeah, how did you know? She wasn't born on The Carrucan Plantation. She was raised by a German mistress, The Von Shafts. She can speak a little German too. Dr.SCHULTZ Your wife? DJANGO Yeah, when she was little her mistress taught her so she'd have somebody to talk German with. Dr.SCHULTZ So let me get this straight, your slave wife speaks German, and her name is Broomhilda Von Shaft...? DJANGO Yep. Mouthful, huh? Dr.SCHULTZ To say the least. (stopping the horse) This looks like a very pretty place to have our picnic. What'd ya say, here? TIME CUT EXT - PICNIC IN COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY The two men sit on a blanket with a nice picnic spread spread out. Django eats a cucumber sandwich with the crust cut off, and drinks a cup of tea. DJANGO How did you know Broomhilda's first masters were German? Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda is a German name. If they named her, it stands to reason they'd be German. DJANGO Lotsa gals where you from named Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ No, not so much. Broomhilda is the name of a character in one of the most popular of all the German legends. DJANGO Really? There's a story 'bout Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes there is. DJANGO Do you know it? Dr.SCHULTZ Every German knows that story. Would you like me to tell you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Well Broomhilda was a princess. She was the daughter of Wotan, the god of all gods. Anyway, her father is really mad at her. DJANGO What she do.? Dr.SCHULTZ I don't exactly remember. I think she disobeys him in some way. So at first he's just going to obliterate her - DJANGO Obliterate... . what does that mean? Dr.SCHULTZ Like blow up. He pantomimes a explosion. DJANGO Phew, that's pretty mad. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes it is, and like most fathers, given a little time, he calms down a bit. He's still mad at her. He still wants to punish her. Just not ... . blow her up. So instead what he does, is he puts her high on top of a mountain. DJANGO Broomhilda's on a mountain? Dr.SCHULTZ It's a German legend, there's always going to be a mountain in there somewhere. So, he puts her on top of the mountain and he puts a fire breathing dragon there to guard the mountain. And. then he surrounds her in circle of hellfire. And there Broomhilda shall remain, unless a hero arises brave enough to save her. DJANGO Does a fella arise? From now on as Dr.Schultz talks, he's beginning to realize something he wasn't aware of when the conversation started. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes Django, as a matter he does. A fella named, Sigfried. DJANGO Does Sigfried save her? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes he does, and quite spectacularly, so. Now true, he is assisted in his triumph by a truly, truly, remarkable sword, still, having said that, Sigfried triumphs over all of his obstacles not just due to his sword, but due to his courage. He scales the mountain, because he's not afraid of it. He defeats the dragon, because he's not afraid.of him. Dr.SCHULTZ (CON'T) He walks through hellfire because Broomhilda's worth. it. After that last line of dialogue... .the two men just let a moment pass as they nibble on their sandwiches. DJANGO I know how he feels. Dr.SCHULTZ I think I'm just starting to realize that. He pours Django and himself some more tea out of a fancy tea pot, as he thinks about what he's going to say next. Dr.SCHULTZ Look Django, I don't doubt one day you will save your lady love. But I'm afraid I can't let you go to Greenville in a good conscious. Let me ask you a question, how do you like the bounty hunting business? DJANGO Kill white folks, and they pay ya? What's not to like? Dr.SCHULTZ I hafta admit, we make a good team. DJANGO But I'thought you were mad at me for killin' Big John and Rodger? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes, on that occasion, you were a tad overzealous. But normally, that's a good thing. How'd you like to partner up for the winter? DJANGO What'd ya mean partner up? Dr.SCHULTZ You be my deputy, for real this time. A lot of the big money is in outlaw gangs. Some of these fellas are worth fifteen hundred or three thousand a piece. With one man, anything over three men is a risk. But with a partner? Creating cross fire? It's fish in a. barrel. A lot of these gangs hold up in the'hills for the winter. DJANGO You makin' another agreement? W7 Dr.SCHULTZ Yes. You work with me through the winter, till the snow melts. I give you a third of my bounties. And while we're together, I'll teach you a few things you're going to need to know. DJANGO Can you teach me how to make Tony do that head bow thing that Fritz can do? Dr.SCHULTZ That among other things. We make some money this winter, when the snow melts, I'll take you to Greenville myself, and we'll find where they sent your wife. I'm pretty good at finding people. Is it a deal? No white man has ever done anything for Django, just to him. So understandably, he's a little suspicious. DJANGO Why you care what happens to me? Why you care if I find my wife? Dr.SCHULTZ Well frankly, I've never given anybody their freedom before. And now that I have, I feel vaguely responsible for you. You're just not ready to go off on your own, it's that simple. You're too green, you'll get hurt. Plus when a German meets a real life Sigfried,. it's kind of a big deal. As a German, I'm obliged to help you on your quest to rescue your beloved Broomhilda. Django accepts that response. What follows is a MONTAGE covering the five months that Django and Schultz partner up as bounty hunters. Schultz wears his normal ensemble. Django wears his cool looking Green Jacket, unless it's really cold, which a lot of this Montage is. Then he still wears Ace Specks raw hide winter coat over his cool clothes. WE SEE A SCENE to be improvised (more or less), where Dr.Schultz teaches Django how to draw and shoot the pistol in the holster at his hip. By the end of the scene, after trial and error, we see Django's going to be good at this. EXT - HILLSIDE - SUNNY DAY We see Django and Dr.Schultz walking up a hill. Tony and Fritz have been left tied up downhill. Django leads a extra body HORSE (named PONCHO) behind him. Dr.Schultz carries his scope sight rifle in 'a long case. They get to the top of the hill. It overlooks a small farmhouse. Y, 8 DOWN BELOW WE SEE A LITTLE MAN struggling behind a plow, and his FIFTEEN YEAR OLD SON helping him by leading the horse forward. On top of their perch on the hill top, Dr.Schultz says; Dr.SCHULTZ Keep down or he'll see you. DJANGO Who that farmer? Who cares? Dr.SCHULTZ Well since we came here to kill 'em, he just might. DJANGO What? The little man pushin' that plow? Dr.SCHULTZ That little man pushing that plow, is Smitty Bacall. DJANGO Smitty Bacall is a farmer? Dr.SCHULTZ No. Smitty Bacall is a stagecoach robber who's hiding out as a farmer, because there's a seven thousand dollar bounty on his head. He hands Django the scope rifle case. Dr.SCHULTZ And he's all yours my boy. DJANGO lays on his belly, with the Scope Sight up to his eye. SCOPE SIGHT POV: on the Farmer struggling behind his plow, working hard with his horse and his son. Django's finger on the trigger... .but he hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Oh what happened.to mister I wanna kill white folks for money? DJANGO His son's with him. Dr.SCHULTZ Good. He'll have a loved one with him. Maybe even share a last word. That's better then most get, and a damn. sight better then he deserves. 1 9 Django still hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Put down the rifle. Don't worry, I'm not mad at you. Take out Smitty Bacall's handbill. Django removes the folded up handbill from the pocket of his tan pants. Dr.SCHULTZ Read it aloud. Consider it today's lesson. DJANGO (READING) "Wanted, dead or alive. Smitty Bacall and The Smitty Bacall Gang. For murder and stagecoach robbery. Seven thousand dollars for Smitty Bacall. One thousand and five hundred dollars for each of his gang members. Known members of The Smitty Bacall Gang are as follows, DANDY MICHAELS, GERALD NASH, and CRAZY CRAIG KOONS." Dr.SCHULTZ Well done. Bravo. THAT is who Smitty Bacall is. If Smitty Bacall wanted to start a farm at twenty-two, they would never of printed that. (REFERRING TO THE HANDBILL) But Smitty Bacall wanted to rob stagecoaches, and he didn't mind killing people to do it. You want to save your wife by doing what I do? This is what I do. I kill people, and sell their corpses for cash. His corpse is worth seven thousand dollars. Now quit your pussyfootin and shoot him. Django SHOOTS. The Little Man down below behind the plow falls down. The Young Boy doesn't know what happened at first. Then he figures'out his father was just shot. He goes to him in the dirt. Dr.SCHULTZ You need to keep that Smitty Bacall handbill. DJANGO Why? Dr.SCHULTZ It's good luck. You always keep the handbill of your first bounty. They begin walking down the hill, to collect Smitty Bacall's body, leading the extra body horse behind them. 50 As they walk down hill, they watch the little scene of Smitty Bacall's Son cradling his dying father.in his arms, the older man speaking his last words to his son before he dies. Dr.SCHULTZ See, they're having a tender little father son moment now. No doubt the most heartfelt one they've ever had. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - NIGHT It's now full on snowy winter in the hills. Django practices his quick draw against a SNOWMAN he's built. He sticks a BOTTLE in it, so the bottom of the bottle is where the snowman's heart would be. He DRAWS... Shoots the bottle heart! He DRAWS ... Shoots the left coal eye. He DRAWS ... Shoots the right coal eye. He DRAWS... Shoots the carrot nose. Dr.Schultz comes up behind him. Dr.SCHULTZ I think it's safe to say you're faster then the snowman. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - DIFFERENT NIGHT A outlaw gang known as The WILSON - LOWE GANG (five guys) ride through a snowy forest at night. When all five men and their Horses, are SHOT FROM ABOVE. DJANGO AND SCHULTZ up in a tree, FIRING DOWN ON them. EXT - WINTER MOUNTAIN TOWN MAIN STREET - NIGHT The FLAKES continue to FALL HARD as Dr.Schultz and Django ride down the main street of town, pulling poor Poncho who's FULLY LOADED DOWN with five corpses. 571 The local SHERIFF, DON GUS, watches the two men ride up, he knows them. SHERIFF GUS Doctor and Django, how the hell are ya, and who the hell ya got there? Dr.SCHULTZ The Wilson - Lowe Gang. SHERIFF GUS Who the hell's The Wilson - Lowe Gang? Dr.Schultz removes a handbill from his inside jacket pocket, and hands it down to the friendly peace officer. Dr.SCHULTZ Bad Chuck Wilson, and meaner Bobby Lowe. And three of their acolytes. SHERIFF GUS Just leave 'em out here, they ain't going nowhere. And if'in they do, god must love 'em, so who are we to say. Come outta the snowy snow and git yourself some coffee. TNT - SHERIFF GUS'S OFFICE - NIGHT The snow encrusted bounty hunters come inside the lawmans office. They exchange pleasantries about the weather as the Sheriff pours them coffee. After the two frosty gentlemen have drunk some of the hot liquid, they get down to business. As Schultz and Gus discuss the bounties, Django reads the handbills aloud from off the wall. On the third one he reads, WARREN VANDERS, and a two thousand dollar bounty, "That one", Schultz says. Django RIPS IT off the wall. As the winter has progressed, we see they've become a genuine bounty hunting team. And Django, a genuine bounty hunter. EXT - PRETTY MEADOW - DAY The snow has melted, and it's SPRING. And inside of this meadow Django practices his fast draw against five men... .by Schultz throwing FIVE COINS in the air ... DJANGO DRAWS FAST shoots three coins, FIRES again hitting another, then falls to the ground to get the fifth. He looks up from the ground at Schultz. 5L As Schultz collects the coins off the ground, he says; Dr.SCHULTZ You're pretty confident aren't you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ You have reason to be. He holds out his fist, opens his hand, the coins lay in his palm. All the coins have bullet holes dead in their center. He drops them on top of Django. DJANGO Still think I'm too green for Greenville? Dr.Schultz removes a pipe, sticks it in his mouth and says; Dr.SCHULTZ Oh you're ready for Greenville. He lights a match, then lights the pipe, puffing as he says; Dr.SCHULTZ Greenville ready for you, that I'm not so sure. He blows out the match... WE GO TO BLACK What we also saw in the above montage is Django shake off a lifetime of slavery. Django, in his green jacket, in his cowboy hat, on top of his steed Tony, with his gun hanging from his hip, has become his own man. He's not a slave anymore. He's a bounty hunter. BLACK TITLE CARD ACROSS THE SCREEN ONE LETTER AT A TIME STYLE (ala "Rocky" and "FLASHDANCE") MISSISSIPPI CUT TO EXT - THE TOWN OF GREENVILLE MISSISSIPPI - DAY The whole Main Street of Greenville is thick with five inches of shit brown mud that all the horse hooves, and wagon wheels, and slave feet have to wade through to get from one end of the town to the other. 53 We see Django and Dr.Schultz enter the town, and slosh their horses in the mud,, down the main street of Greenville Mississippi. The buying and selling of slaves is what the whole town is built around. BLACK MEN, WOMEN, and CHILDREN in BONDAGE are everywhere you look. LINES OF CHAINED SLAVES being marched one way or the other, move through the muddy streets of Greenville. WHITE MEN on horses move them along. BUCKBOARDS filled with DOMESTIC SLAVES (HOUSE NIGGERS), and pretty PONYS, driven by WHITE MEN roll through the street. A YOUNG WHITE BOY (14 years old), a shepherd, leads a bunch of SLAVE CHILDREN through town. A SHEPHERD'S DOG, HELPS HIM OUT BY MOVING THE KIDS ALONG. Impromptu slave auctions take place on almost every block. A SUBTITLE APPEARS on the bottom of the screen: GREENVILLE CHICKASAW COUNTY, MISSISSIPPI Dr.Schultz takes in this African flesh market, where human beings sell other human beings, with disgust and a little bit of shock. Django is neither disgusted or. shocked, he knows first hand how Greenville operates. As he rides Tony through town in his snappy duds, he looks'at the BLACK MEN half dressed: in chains. He REMEMBERS HIMSELF with his six Other Companions from earlier, being walked through the mud of Main Street by The Speck Brothers. On that day he might as well of been a steer. Today, with a gun on his hip, money in his pocket, in his snappy outfit, astride his steed Tony, he feels so different from these wretched half naked bastards it gives him a bit of a chill. Django sees the towns railroad depot, and across from it a huge SLAVE PEN, like a STEER CORRAL. At the moment there's no train in the depot. WE FLASH ON The TRAIN, at a earlier time, pulling into the depot. INSIDE ONE OF THE BOXCARS amidst a boxcar full of shirtless BLACK MALES, Django watches the train pull into the station, from inside the wooden slates of the boxcar.: A hatch in the roof of the boxcar is NOISILY YANKED OPEN, and TWO WHITE SLAVE TRADERS (RUSS AND JUDD), peer down at their human cargo. JUDD Good god almighty these niggers stink! I F RUSS Niggers stink, where's the shock? (to the Slaves BELOW) Okay you bucks, listen up, and listen well, I'm only gonna say this once. There's a slave corral right across from this boxcar. We gittin ready to open these doors. When we do, y'all run as fast as you can, right into that pen. 'Anyone gittin off trail, gonna get hurt and hurt bad. Now you niggers better comprehend. And that goes for any African garboons amongst y'all can't understand english ... . your American buddies better shove your ass in the right direction, or your trip to this country is going to be short, and pointless. Train to pen as fast as you can! The boxcar door is slid open, and a HUNDRED AND FIFTY BLACK MALES run full out from the train to the steer corral. We spot Django during the running. Once inside the corral, the gate is closed. COWBOYS with rifles act as prison guards. INSIDE THE CORRAL through the wooden posts, in the distance, Django watches them open up the boxcar holding the females. They do their run to their pen out of view. Django catches a quick glimpse of Broomhild.a running with the other LADIES, then she's gone from view. BACK TO DJANGO (PRESENT) Django and Dr.Schultz on top of their horses, taking in the sight of Greenville. Dr.SCHULTZ It's a spectacle out of Dante. DJANGO You should see it from the other side. Dr.SCHULTZ Frankly, I don't know if I could endure this. DJANGO You'd be surprised what you can endure. (BEAT) Where to? 675 Dr.SCHULTZ Records office. CUT TO INT - RECORDS OFFICE - DAY Dr.Schultz and Django walk into a records office, lined with books. We watch through the store front window, the black man and white man enter, and Dr.Schultz present his business card to a Dickensian looking RECORDS OFFICE WORKER. As Schultz starts his spellbinding with words routine... . The CAMERA FADES TO BLACK. BLACK TITLE CARD: BROOMHILDA INT - SLAVE PEN - DAY The same shot we saw before of Django fighting his way to the bars of the slave pen, to get a better last look of Broomhilda. Broomhilda, as before is walked by in the distance. Then, as before Django loses sight of her. EXT - MAIN STREET - GREENVILLE - DAY We follow in front of Broomhilda being lead out of the slave pen by TWO WHITE MALE SLAVERS. Her bare feet slosh in the Main Street mud, and the leg irons scrap her ankles. Up until now everything you've ever seen of Broomhilda, has only been in Django's Spaghetti Western Flashbacks. In other words, from his perspective, and memory. This is the,only time the story will shift to Broomhilda's perspective. The strong but frightened girl is led out on to the hustle and bustle, and wagon wheels and horse hoofs of Main Street. Broomhilda is not taken into that three story auction arena that Django was sold in at the beginning. Instead She's just lifted up on a parked buckboard wagon. Her SELLER (CLYDE) starts his pitch on the TWELVE or so BUYERS that watch this puny make shift auction. BROOMHILDA looks down into the crowd of twelve ugly white men, and holds her breath which one will buy her. Among the ugly white men we see Mr.HARMONY (MIKE), not quite as ugly as the rest. An older well dressed, classy gentleman. Next to him is his twenty four year old overweight awkward son SCOTTY HARMONY. Scotty in the audience, and Broomhilda on the wagon, THEIR EYES MEET, he nudges his dad. The Seller makes her expose her breasts to the small crowd. Then her back, revealing her whip marks. Then pointing out the runaway "r" branded in her cheek. Some of the crowd, including Scotty, react with repulsion at the sight of the whip marks. The Seller assures the crowd, that niggers don't feel pain like white folks, and it only makes the women more gentle. SELLER - CLYDE Fellahs, you ain't felt gentle, till you felt nigger gal gentle. UGLY MAN makes a bid. BROOMHILDA yikes. UGLIER MAN higher bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. UGLIER BY FAR GUY makes leap frog big bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. BIG GREASY FAT GUY makes a bid. BIG FAT GREASY BEAVER PELT COVERED TRAPPER makes a bid. A GIGGLING LEERING GROUP OF BROTHERS make a bid. A SEVENTY FIVE YEAR OLD INDIAN ON A MULE makes a bid. Mr.Harmony makes a bid for his son Scotty. Broomhilda notices that. And makes more eye contact with Scotty. They look at each other as Mr.Harmony continues to bid. A LITERARY NARRATOR comes on the soundtrack. NARRATOR (VO) On that day, eight months ago, the auction was won by Mike Harmony, as a birthday present for his fat boy son Scotty. Mr.Harmony congratulates his son. From on top of the buckboard Broomhilda looks down at her new owners. Later they leave for the Harmony house. Scotty lifts Broomhilda up into the back of the buckboard. He hands her a little white bag. SCOTTY This is for you. She opens the bag,candies of many colors sit in it. SCOTTY They're jelly beans. Try one. She selects a yellow one and puts it in her mouth. SCOTTY Good huh? She nods her head, yes. We see him drive the buckboard out of Greenville with Broomhilda in the back eating her bag of jelly beans. $XT - COUNTRY ROAD - DAY The buckboard makes its way down a country road. Broomhilda in the back, and Scotty driving the wagon. Scotty bought her, but he's too scared to talk to her. Broomhilda's muddy bare feet dangle off the wagon. She's beginning to realize the young master is the shy type. BROOMHILDA Master Scotty... ? SCOTTY Yes Broomhilda? BROOMHILDA I'm lonely back here. Can I come on up with you on that seat so we can talk? SCOTTY Please, I'd love that. She climbs into the driver's seat. In more ways then one. '8 EXT - THE HARMONY HOUSE - DAY A nice two story southern house. Very nice, but hardly a plantation. The household's FOUR DOMESTIC SLAVES. Broomhilda will be the fifth. The buckboard pulls up to the front of the house. Scotty's mother, Mrs.HARMONY (MARY LOUISE), waits to meet her son, and his new bought nigger gal. The older lady looks the black girl up and down and says to her; Mrs.HARMONY What's your name, gal? BROOMHILDA Broomhilda. Mrs.HARMONY Follow me. into the kitchen, ('to her son) You stay out here. INT - KITCHEN - DAY Mrs.Harmony brings Broomhilda in her kitchen. The TWO DOMESTIC SLAVES that were in, there are chased out by the boss lady. Mrs.Harmony grabs Broomhilda by the wrist, and tells her; Mrs.HARMONY I want to have a word with you, wench. You met my boy Scotty. You can tell ain't no white girl gonna fool with him. And if they do fool with him, they fool with him for the wrong reason. Boy's twenty four, he still ain't a man yet. That's why you're here. Be nice to him. He's a very sweet boy. Play him right, he'll eat bird seed out of your palm. Play 'em wrong, you'll deal with me. BROOMHILDA I like Scotty. He's just shy is all. All he needs is a little confidence. Mrs.HARMONY And you'll give that to him? BROOMHILDA I'll do my best, mam. Scotty's a real sweet boy. Mrs.HARMONY He is, isn't he? BROOMHILDA Ah-huh. The mother lets go of the young lady's wrist. 19 NARRATOR (VO) Basically The Harmony's bought a slave bride for young master Scotty that day. And the two kids had a nice time playing house for awhile. We see Scotty and Broomhilda catching butterflies in butterfly nets in the daytime.. At night they catch LIGHTNING BUGS together. At night in Scotty's bed, while the young man lay fast asleep, Broomhilda looks at her jelly jar of GLOWING LIGHTNING BUGS. NARRATOR (VO) As Scotty's sort of defacto sweetheart, if no visitors were about, Broomhilda would even join the family at their dinner table. We see them at dinner eating fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. NARRATOR.(VO) And pretty soon she was adopted into a member of the family. Mrs.Harmony and Broomhilda sewing together. The Harmony family and Broomhilda playing croquet in the front yard. After dinner, Mrs.Harmony entertaining the family by playing the piano. Mr.Harmony reading the women and his son a story from a storybook. NARRATOR (VO) Scotty was never happier. Scotty and Broomhilda walking holding hands at Southern magic hour. Broomhilda having sex with Scotty, baby talking with him, talking him through it, making him feel loved and secure. NARRATOR (VO) After three months of this bliss, Scotty decided to take Broomhilda for a romantic weekend in Greenville. SCOTTY AND BROOMHILDA drive through the Main Street of Greenville, dressed to the nines, in a fancy carriage. Broomhilda dressed in a beautiful white lace dress, complete with white lace gloves, fancy ladies hat, and white parasol. Scotty, very proud of his pretty Pony, is dressed in a fashion best described as plantation pimp daddy. 6O NARRATOR (VO) White masters would take their pretty Ponys to Greenville for a treat or romantic excursion, for two reasons-One, seeing how bad the other slaves had it, always made the papered Ponys appreciate their privilege position, (just in case they'd forgot). BROOMHILDA holding her parasol, looking like a black Daisy Miller, watches the OTHER SLAVES march by in the mud. They watch her too. INT - HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT Broomhilda and Scotty, and their luggage, move into the fancy hotel lobby, and rent a room at the front desk. INSERT: HOTEL REGISTRY Scotty signs his name. The DESK CLERKS HAND checks the box on the registry book that indicates darkee female companion. INT -. GREENVILLE - NIGHT Greenville at night is a little different. At night, RICH WHITE MASTERS showing off their Ponys (like Scotty), rule the streets. NARRATOR (VO) And two, there was a sliver of society that ran through Greenville at night that catered to white masters who were infected with a condition that was normally referred to as, "Nigger love." At night the streets, the bars, bistros, and buggy rides were ruled by rich white masters showing off their pretty Pony's. EXT - CLEOPATRA CLUB - NIGHT An establishing shot.of the three story house that has been converted into private club called, The Cleopatra Club. NARRATOR (VO) But the crown jewel of all this interracial frivolity, was the members only, Cleopatra Club. INSERT: GOLD PLAQUE with the name, THE CLEOPATRA CLUB on it, next to it is a profile of Nefertiti. 6! INT - THE CLEOPATRA CLUB - RESTAURANT - NIGHT The interracial joint is jumping (as long as by interracial you mean white men and black women). Scotty and Broomhilda are enjoying a fancy dinner in the clubs dining room. We see across the dining room, the powerful white man, CALVIN CANDIE, sitting with some White Men and some Black Ponys, eyeing Broomhilda. SCOTTY I gotta tell you Broomhilda - I don't care if I go to. hell for this - I love you. And if loving you means I go to

keeping

How many times the word 'keeping' appears in the text?

'em. SPENCER'S HORSE his hooves race and rip up the grass. SPENCER riding for his life... DJANGO scope sight rifle up to his eye. Dr.SCHULTZ He's getting out of range. DJANGO I got 'em. INSERT: A black finger squeezes the rifle trigger. SPENCER BENNETT we're behind him as he rides away, OFF SCREEN we hear the whistling of what sounds like an incoming missle. SPENCER BENNETT we're in.front of Spencer Bennett as he rides, when Django's bullet, RIPS THROUGH his CHEST. DJANGO DJANGO I got 'em. SPENCER BENNETT falls from his horse, dead. DJANGO scope sight rifle in his hand, big smile on his face, looks.to Dr.Schultz. Dr.SCHULTZ Like that, huh? Referring to the scope sight rifle; DJANGO I like. Dr.SCHULTZ Well, I think while they take this opportunity to lick their wounds, we should take this opportunity to get the fuck out of Tennessee. They hop out of the tree. MONTAGE Dr.Schultz in a big city, buying Django a new saddle. Django gets his first initial "D" etched into it. The men go to different stores to purchase Django's wardrobe. The outfit bought, is selected by Django, with suggestions offered by Schultz. When he's done, Django looks damn handsome in his new duds. Brown cowboy boots, Green Corduroy Jacket, Smokey Grey Shirt, Tan Skin Tight Pants, and Light Brown Cowboy Hat. He looks a. bit like Elvis in "Flaming Star" and a Little Joe Cartwright on "Bonanza". However, tellingly, he keeps Ace Speck's Winter Coat as his winter coat. EXT - COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY Django, sitting on his new saddle, in his new duds, rides alongside the good doctor Schultz. The German carries a PICNIC BASKET. Dr.SCHULTZ But I'm serious son, Greenville is just too dangerous for you to go fucking around there. You're a freed, slave, you should be in New York. You shouldn't be in Greenville, you shouldn't even be forty miles on any side of Greenville., You shouldn't be anywhere in Mississippi. DJANGO She's my wife, it's my job to look after her. If Greenville's where I gotta go to find out where she went, then I gotta go. Now you were sayin' where I gotta go first? Dr.SCHULTZ There'should be some sort of records office. You know when she was sold, you know where she came from, the Carrucan Plantation, and you know her name ... . what is her name? DJANGO Broomhilda. Schultz reacts. Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda? Django.nods his head yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Were her owners German? Now Django reacts, "How did he know that? DJANGO Yeah, how did you know? She wasn't born on The Carrucan Plantation. She was raised by a German mistress, The Von Shafts. She can speak a little German too. Dr.SCHULTZ Your wife? DJANGO Yeah, when she was little her mistress taught her so she'd have somebody to talk German with. Dr.SCHULTZ So let me get this straight, your slave wife speaks German, and her name is Broomhilda Von Shaft...? DJANGO Yep. Mouthful, huh? Dr.SCHULTZ To say the least. (stopping the horse) This looks like a very pretty place to have our picnic. What'd ya say, here? TIME CUT EXT - PICNIC IN COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY The two men sit on a blanket with a nice picnic spread spread out. Django eats a cucumber sandwich with the crust cut off, and drinks a cup of tea. DJANGO How did you know Broomhilda's first masters were German? Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda is a German name. If they named her, it stands to reason they'd be German. DJANGO Lotsa gals where you from named Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ No, not so much. Broomhilda is the name of a character in one of the most popular of all the German legends. DJANGO Really? There's a story 'bout Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes there is. DJANGO Do you know it? Dr.SCHULTZ Every German knows that story. Would you like me to tell you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Well Broomhilda was a princess. She was the daughter of Wotan, the god of all gods. Anyway, her father is really mad at her. DJANGO What she do.? Dr.SCHULTZ I don't exactly remember. I think she disobeys him in some way. So at first he's just going to obliterate her - DJANGO Obliterate... . what does that mean? Dr.SCHULTZ Like blow up. He pantomimes a explosion. DJANGO Phew, that's pretty mad. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes it is, and like most fathers, given a little time, he calms down a bit. He's still mad at her. He still wants to punish her. Just not ... . blow her up. So instead what he does, is he puts her high on top of a mountain. DJANGO Broomhilda's on a mountain? Dr.SCHULTZ It's a German legend, there's always going to be a mountain in there somewhere. So, he puts her on top of the mountain and he puts a fire breathing dragon there to guard the mountain. And. then he surrounds her in circle of hellfire. And there Broomhilda shall remain, unless a hero arises brave enough to save her. DJANGO Does a fella arise? From now on as Dr.Schultz talks, he's beginning to realize something he wasn't aware of when the conversation started. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes Django, as a matter he does. A fella named, Sigfried. DJANGO Does Sigfried save her? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes he does, and quite spectacularly, so. Now true, he is assisted in his triumph by a truly, truly, remarkable sword, still, having said that, Sigfried triumphs over all of his obstacles not just due to his sword, but due to his courage. He scales the mountain, because he's not afraid of it. He defeats the dragon, because he's not afraid.of him. Dr.SCHULTZ (CON'T) He walks through hellfire because Broomhilda's worth. it. After that last line of dialogue... .the two men just let a moment pass as they nibble on their sandwiches. DJANGO I know how he feels. Dr.SCHULTZ I think I'm just starting to realize that. He pours Django and himself some more tea out of a fancy tea pot, as he thinks about what he's going to say next. Dr.SCHULTZ Look Django, I don't doubt one day you will save your lady love. But I'm afraid I can't let you go to Greenville in a good conscious. Let me ask you a question, how do you like the bounty hunting business? DJANGO Kill white folks, and they pay ya? What's not to like? Dr.SCHULTZ I hafta admit, we make a good team. DJANGO But I'thought you were mad at me for killin' Big John and Rodger? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes, on that occasion, you were a tad overzealous. But normally, that's a good thing. How'd you like to partner up for the winter? DJANGO What'd ya mean partner up? Dr.SCHULTZ You be my deputy, for real this time. A lot of the big money is in outlaw gangs. Some of these fellas are worth fifteen hundred or three thousand a piece. With one man, anything over three men is a risk. But with a partner? Creating cross fire? It's fish in a. barrel. A lot of these gangs hold up in the'hills for the winter. DJANGO You makin' another agreement? W7 Dr.SCHULTZ Yes. You work with me through the winter, till the snow melts. I give you a third of my bounties. And while we're together, I'll teach you a few things you're going to need to know. DJANGO Can you teach me how to make Tony do that head bow thing that Fritz can do? Dr.SCHULTZ That among other things. We make some money this winter, when the snow melts, I'll take you to Greenville myself, and we'll find where they sent your wife. I'm pretty good at finding people. Is it a deal? No white man has ever done anything for Django, just to him. So understandably, he's a little suspicious. DJANGO Why you care what happens to me? Why you care if I find my wife? Dr.SCHULTZ Well frankly, I've never given anybody their freedom before. And now that I have, I feel vaguely responsible for you. You're just not ready to go off on your own, it's that simple. You're too green, you'll get hurt. Plus when a German meets a real life Sigfried,. it's kind of a big deal. As a German, I'm obliged to help you on your quest to rescue your beloved Broomhilda. Django accepts that response. What follows is a MONTAGE covering the five months that Django and Schultz partner up as bounty hunters. Schultz wears his normal ensemble. Django wears his cool looking Green Jacket, unless it's really cold, which a lot of this Montage is. Then he still wears Ace Specks raw hide winter coat over his cool clothes. WE SEE A SCENE to be improvised (more or less), where Dr.Schultz teaches Django how to draw and shoot the pistol in the holster at his hip. By the end of the scene, after trial and error, we see Django's going to be good at this. EXT - HILLSIDE - SUNNY DAY We see Django and Dr.Schultz walking up a hill. Tony and Fritz have been left tied up downhill. Django leads a extra body HORSE (named PONCHO) behind him. Dr.Schultz carries his scope sight rifle in 'a long case. They get to the top of the hill. It overlooks a small farmhouse. Y, 8 DOWN BELOW WE SEE A LITTLE MAN struggling behind a plow, and his FIFTEEN YEAR OLD SON helping him by leading the horse forward. On top of their perch on the hill top, Dr.Schultz says; Dr.SCHULTZ Keep down or he'll see you. DJANGO Who that farmer? Who cares? Dr.SCHULTZ Well since we came here to kill 'em, he just might. DJANGO What? The little man pushin' that plow? Dr.SCHULTZ That little man pushing that plow, is Smitty Bacall. DJANGO Smitty Bacall is a farmer? Dr.SCHULTZ No. Smitty Bacall is a stagecoach robber who's hiding out as a farmer, because there's a seven thousand dollar bounty on his head. He hands Django the scope rifle case. Dr.SCHULTZ And he's all yours my boy. DJANGO lays on his belly, with the Scope Sight up to his eye. SCOPE SIGHT POV: on the Farmer struggling behind his plow, working hard with his horse and his son. Django's finger on the trigger... .but he hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Oh what happened.to mister I wanna kill white folks for money? DJANGO His son's with him. Dr.SCHULTZ Good. He'll have a loved one with him. Maybe even share a last word. That's better then most get, and a damn. sight better then he deserves. 1 9 Django still hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Put down the rifle. Don't worry, I'm not mad at you. Take out Smitty Bacall's handbill. Django removes the folded up handbill from the pocket of his tan pants. Dr.SCHULTZ Read it aloud. Consider it today's lesson. DJANGO (READING) "Wanted, dead or alive. Smitty Bacall and The Smitty Bacall Gang. For murder and stagecoach robbery. Seven thousand dollars for Smitty Bacall. One thousand and five hundred dollars for each of his gang members. Known members of The Smitty Bacall Gang are as follows, DANDY MICHAELS, GERALD NASH, and CRAZY CRAIG KOONS." Dr.SCHULTZ Well done. Bravo. THAT is who Smitty Bacall is. If Smitty Bacall wanted to start a farm at twenty-two, they would never of printed that. (REFERRING TO THE HANDBILL) But Smitty Bacall wanted to rob stagecoaches, and he didn't mind killing people to do it. You want to save your wife by doing what I do? This is what I do. I kill people, and sell their corpses for cash. His corpse is worth seven thousand dollars. Now quit your pussyfootin and shoot him. Django SHOOTS. The Little Man down below behind the plow falls down. The Young Boy doesn't know what happened at first. Then he figures'out his father was just shot. He goes to him in the dirt. Dr.SCHULTZ You need to keep that Smitty Bacall handbill. DJANGO Why? Dr.SCHULTZ It's good luck. You always keep the handbill of your first bounty. They begin walking down the hill, to collect Smitty Bacall's body, leading the extra body horse behind them. 50 As they walk down hill, they watch the little scene of Smitty Bacall's Son cradling his dying father.in his arms, the older man speaking his last words to his son before he dies. Dr.SCHULTZ See, they're having a tender little father son moment now. No doubt the most heartfelt one they've ever had. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - NIGHT It's now full on snowy winter in the hills. Django practices his quick draw against a SNOWMAN he's built. He sticks a BOTTLE in it, so the bottom of the bottle is where the snowman's heart would be. He DRAWS... Shoots the bottle heart! He DRAWS ... Shoots the left coal eye. He DRAWS ... Shoots the right coal eye. He DRAWS... Shoots the carrot nose. Dr.Schultz comes up behind him. Dr.SCHULTZ I think it's safe to say you're faster then the snowman. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - DIFFERENT NIGHT A outlaw gang known as The WILSON - LOWE GANG (five guys) ride through a snowy forest at night. When all five men and their Horses, are SHOT FROM ABOVE. DJANGO AND SCHULTZ up in a tree, FIRING DOWN ON them. EXT - WINTER MOUNTAIN TOWN MAIN STREET - NIGHT The FLAKES continue to FALL HARD as Dr.Schultz and Django ride down the main street of town, pulling poor Poncho who's FULLY LOADED DOWN with five corpses. 571 The local SHERIFF, DON GUS, watches the two men ride up, he knows them. SHERIFF GUS Doctor and Django, how the hell are ya, and who the hell ya got there? Dr.SCHULTZ The Wilson - Lowe Gang. SHERIFF GUS Who the hell's The Wilson - Lowe Gang? Dr.Schultz removes a handbill from his inside jacket pocket, and hands it down to the friendly peace officer. Dr.SCHULTZ Bad Chuck Wilson, and meaner Bobby Lowe. And three of their acolytes. SHERIFF GUS Just leave 'em out here, they ain't going nowhere. And if'in they do, god must love 'em, so who are we to say. Come outta the snowy snow and git yourself some coffee. TNT - SHERIFF GUS'S OFFICE - NIGHT The snow encrusted bounty hunters come inside the lawmans office. They exchange pleasantries about the weather as the Sheriff pours them coffee. After the two frosty gentlemen have drunk some of the hot liquid, they get down to business. As Schultz and Gus discuss the bounties, Django reads the handbills aloud from off the wall. On the third one he reads, WARREN VANDERS, and a two thousand dollar bounty, "That one", Schultz says. Django RIPS IT off the wall. As the winter has progressed, we see they've become a genuine bounty hunting team. And Django, a genuine bounty hunter. EXT - PRETTY MEADOW - DAY The snow has melted, and it's SPRING. And inside of this meadow Django practices his fast draw against five men... .by Schultz throwing FIVE COINS in the air ... DJANGO DRAWS FAST shoots three coins, FIRES again hitting another, then falls to the ground to get the fifth. He looks up from the ground at Schultz. 5L As Schultz collects the coins off the ground, he says; Dr.SCHULTZ You're pretty confident aren't you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ You have reason to be. He holds out his fist, opens his hand, the coins lay in his palm. All the coins have bullet holes dead in their center. He drops them on top of Django. DJANGO Still think I'm too green for Greenville? Dr.Schultz removes a pipe, sticks it in his mouth and says; Dr.SCHULTZ Oh you're ready for Greenville. He lights a match, then lights the pipe, puffing as he says; Dr.SCHULTZ Greenville ready for you, that I'm not so sure. He blows out the match... WE GO TO BLACK What we also saw in the above montage is Django shake off a lifetime of slavery. Django, in his green jacket, in his cowboy hat, on top of his steed Tony, with his gun hanging from his hip, has become his own man. He's not a slave anymore. He's a bounty hunter. BLACK TITLE CARD ACROSS THE SCREEN ONE LETTER AT A TIME STYLE (ala "Rocky" and "FLASHDANCE") MISSISSIPPI CUT TO EXT - THE TOWN OF GREENVILLE MISSISSIPPI - DAY The whole Main Street of Greenville is thick with five inches of shit brown mud that all the horse hooves, and wagon wheels, and slave feet have to wade through to get from one end of the town to the other. 53 We see Django and Dr.Schultz enter the town, and slosh their horses in the mud,, down the main street of Greenville Mississippi. The buying and selling of slaves is what the whole town is built around. BLACK MEN, WOMEN, and CHILDREN in BONDAGE are everywhere you look. LINES OF CHAINED SLAVES being marched one way or the other, move through the muddy streets of Greenville. WHITE MEN on horses move them along. BUCKBOARDS filled with DOMESTIC SLAVES (HOUSE NIGGERS), and pretty PONYS, driven by WHITE MEN roll through the street. A YOUNG WHITE BOY (14 years old), a shepherd, leads a bunch of SLAVE CHILDREN through town. A SHEPHERD'S DOG, HELPS HIM OUT BY MOVING THE KIDS ALONG. Impromptu slave auctions take place on almost every block. A SUBTITLE APPEARS on the bottom of the screen: GREENVILLE CHICKASAW COUNTY, MISSISSIPPI Dr.Schultz takes in this African flesh market, where human beings sell other human beings, with disgust and a little bit of shock. Django is neither disgusted or. shocked, he knows first hand how Greenville operates. As he rides Tony through town in his snappy duds, he looks'at the BLACK MEN half dressed: in chains. He REMEMBERS HIMSELF with his six Other Companions from earlier, being walked through the mud of Main Street by The Speck Brothers. On that day he might as well of been a steer. Today, with a gun on his hip, money in his pocket, in his snappy outfit, astride his steed Tony, he feels so different from these wretched half naked bastards it gives him a bit of a chill. Django sees the towns railroad depot, and across from it a huge SLAVE PEN, like a STEER CORRAL. At the moment there's no train in the depot. WE FLASH ON The TRAIN, at a earlier time, pulling into the depot. INSIDE ONE OF THE BOXCARS amidst a boxcar full of shirtless BLACK MALES, Django watches the train pull into the station, from inside the wooden slates of the boxcar.: A hatch in the roof of the boxcar is NOISILY YANKED OPEN, and TWO WHITE SLAVE TRADERS (RUSS AND JUDD), peer down at their human cargo. JUDD Good god almighty these niggers stink! I F RUSS Niggers stink, where's the shock? (to the Slaves BELOW) Okay you bucks, listen up, and listen well, I'm only gonna say this once. There's a slave corral right across from this boxcar. We gittin ready to open these doors. When we do, y'all run as fast as you can, right into that pen. 'Anyone gittin off trail, gonna get hurt and hurt bad. Now you niggers better comprehend. And that goes for any African garboons amongst y'all can't understand english ... . your American buddies better shove your ass in the right direction, or your trip to this country is going to be short, and pointless. Train to pen as fast as you can! The boxcar door is slid open, and a HUNDRED AND FIFTY BLACK MALES run full out from the train to the steer corral. We spot Django during the running. Once inside the corral, the gate is closed. COWBOYS with rifles act as prison guards. INSIDE THE CORRAL through the wooden posts, in the distance, Django watches them open up the boxcar holding the females. They do their run to their pen out of view. Django catches a quick glimpse of Broomhild.a running with the other LADIES, then she's gone from view. BACK TO DJANGO (PRESENT) Django and Dr.Schultz on top of their horses, taking in the sight of Greenville. Dr.SCHULTZ It's a spectacle out of Dante. DJANGO You should see it from the other side. Dr.SCHULTZ Frankly, I don't know if I could endure this. DJANGO You'd be surprised what you can endure. (BEAT) Where to? 675 Dr.SCHULTZ Records office. CUT TO INT - RECORDS OFFICE - DAY Dr.Schultz and Django walk into a records office, lined with books. We watch through the store front window, the black man and white man enter, and Dr.Schultz present his business card to a Dickensian looking RECORDS OFFICE WORKER. As Schultz starts his spellbinding with words routine... . The CAMERA FADES TO BLACK. BLACK TITLE CARD: BROOMHILDA INT - SLAVE PEN - DAY The same shot we saw before of Django fighting his way to the bars of the slave pen, to get a better last look of Broomhilda. Broomhilda, as before is walked by in the distance. Then, as before Django loses sight of her. EXT - MAIN STREET - GREENVILLE - DAY We follow in front of Broomhilda being lead out of the slave pen by TWO WHITE MALE SLAVERS. Her bare feet slosh in the Main Street mud, and the leg irons scrap her ankles. Up until now everything you've ever seen of Broomhilda, has only been in Django's Spaghetti Western Flashbacks. In other words, from his perspective, and memory. This is the,only time the story will shift to Broomhilda's perspective. The strong but frightened girl is led out on to the hustle and bustle, and wagon wheels and horse hoofs of Main Street. Broomhilda is not taken into that three story auction arena that Django was sold in at the beginning. Instead She's just lifted up on a parked buckboard wagon. Her SELLER (CLYDE) starts his pitch on the TWELVE or so BUYERS that watch this puny make shift auction. BROOMHILDA looks down into the crowd of twelve ugly white men, and holds her breath which one will buy her. Among the ugly white men we see Mr.HARMONY (MIKE), not quite as ugly as the rest. An older well dressed, classy gentleman. Next to him is his twenty four year old overweight awkward son SCOTTY HARMONY. Scotty in the audience, and Broomhilda on the wagon, THEIR EYES MEET, he nudges his dad. The Seller makes her expose her breasts to the small crowd. Then her back, revealing her whip marks. Then pointing out the runaway "r" branded in her cheek. Some of the crowd, including Scotty, react with repulsion at the sight of the whip marks. The Seller assures the crowd, that niggers don't feel pain like white folks, and it only makes the women more gentle. SELLER - CLYDE Fellahs, you ain't felt gentle, till you felt nigger gal gentle. UGLY MAN makes a bid. BROOMHILDA yikes. UGLIER MAN higher bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. UGLIER BY FAR GUY makes leap frog big bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. BIG GREASY FAT GUY makes a bid. BIG FAT GREASY BEAVER PELT COVERED TRAPPER makes a bid. A GIGGLING LEERING GROUP OF BROTHERS make a bid. A SEVENTY FIVE YEAR OLD INDIAN ON A MULE makes a bid. Mr.Harmony makes a bid for his son Scotty. Broomhilda notices that. And makes more eye contact with Scotty. They look at each other as Mr.Harmony continues to bid. A LITERARY NARRATOR comes on the soundtrack. NARRATOR (VO) On that day, eight months ago, the auction was won by Mike Harmony, as a birthday present for his fat boy son Scotty. Mr.Harmony congratulates his son. From on top of the buckboard Broomhilda looks down at her new owners. Later they leave for the Harmony house. Scotty lifts Broomhilda up into the back of the buckboard. He hands her a little white bag. SCOTTY This is for you. She opens the bag,candies of many colors sit in it. SCOTTY They're jelly beans. Try one. She selects a yellow one and puts it in her mouth. SCOTTY Good huh? She nods her head, yes. We see him drive the buckboard out of Greenville with Broomhilda in the back eating her bag of jelly beans. $XT - COUNTRY ROAD - DAY The buckboard makes its way down a country road. Broomhilda in the back, and Scotty driving the wagon. Scotty bought her, but he's too scared to talk to her. Broomhilda's muddy bare feet dangle off the wagon. She's beginning to realize the young master is the shy type. BROOMHILDA Master Scotty... ? SCOTTY Yes Broomhilda? BROOMHILDA I'm lonely back here. Can I come on up with you on that seat so we can talk? SCOTTY Please, I'd love that. She climbs into the driver's seat. In more ways then one. '8 EXT - THE HARMONY HOUSE - DAY A nice two story southern house. Very nice, but hardly a plantation. The household's FOUR DOMESTIC SLAVES. Broomhilda will be the fifth. The buckboard pulls up to the front of the house. Scotty's mother, Mrs.HARMONY (MARY LOUISE), waits to meet her son, and his new bought nigger gal. The older lady looks the black girl up and down and says to her; Mrs.HARMONY What's your name, gal? BROOMHILDA Broomhilda. Mrs.HARMONY Follow me. into the kitchen, ('to her son) You stay out here. INT - KITCHEN - DAY Mrs.Harmony brings Broomhilda in her kitchen. The TWO DOMESTIC SLAVES that were in, there are chased out by the boss lady. Mrs.Harmony grabs Broomhilda by the wrist, and tells her; Mrs.HARMONY I want to have a word with you, wench. You met my boy Scotty. You can tell ain't no white girl gonna fool with him. And if they do fool with him, they fool with him for the wrong reason. Boy's twenty four, he still ain't a man yet. That's why you're here. Be nice to him. He's a very sweet boy. Play him right, he'll eat bird seed out of your palm. Play 'em wrong, you'll deal with me. BROOMHILDA I like Scotty. He's just shy is all. All he needs is a little confidence. Mrs.HARMONY And you'll give that to him? BROOMHILDA I'll do my best, mam. Scotty's a real sweet boy. Mrs.HARMONY He is, isn't he? BROOMHILDA Ah-huh. The mother lets go of the young lady's wrist. 19 NARRATOR (VO) Basically The Harmony's bought a slave bride for young master Scotty that day. And the two kids had a nice time playing house for awhile. We see Scotty and Broomhilda catching butterflies in butterfly nets in the daytime.. At night they catch LIGHTNING BUGS together. At night in Scotty's bed, while the young man lay fast asleep, Broomhilda looks at her jelly jar of GLOWING LIGHTNING BUGS. NARRATOR (VO) As Scotty's sort of defacto sweetheart, if no visitors were about, Broomhilda would even join the family at their dinner table. We see them at dinner eating fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. NARRATOR.(VO) And pretty soon she was adopted into a member of the family. Mrs.Harmony and Broomhilda sewing together. The Harmony family and Broomhilda playing croquet in the front yard. After dinner, Mrs.Harmony entertaining the family by playing the piano. Mr.Harmony reading the women and his son a story from a storybook. NARRATOR (VO) Scotty was never happier. Scotty and Broomhilda walking holding hands at Southern magic hour. Broomhilda having sex with Scotty, baby talking with him, talking him through it, making him feel loved and secure. NARRATOR (VO) After three months of this bliss, Scotty decided to take Broomhilda for a romantic weekend in Greenville. SCOTTY AND BROOMHILDA drive through the Main Street of Greenville, dressed to the nines, in a fancy carriage. Broomhilda dressed in a beautiful white lace dress, complete with white lace gloves, fancy ladies hat, and white parasol. Scotty, very proud of his pretty Pony, is dressed in a fashion best described as plantation pimp daddy. 6O NARRATOR (VO) White masters would take their pretty Ponys to Greenville for a treat or romantic excursion, for two reasons-One, seeing how bad the other slaves had it, always made the papered Ponys appreciate their privilege position, (just in case they'd forgot). BROOMHILDA holding her parasol, looking like a black Daisy Miller, watches the OTHER SLAVES march by in the mud. They watch her too. INT - HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT Broomhilda and Scotty, and their luggage, move into the fancy hotel lobby, and rent a room at the front desk. INSERT: HOTEL REGISTRY Scotty signs his name. The DESK CLERKS HAND checks the box on the registry book that indicates darkee female companion. INT -. GREENVILLE - NIGHT Greenville at night is a little different. At night, RICH WHITE MASTERS showing off their Ponys (like Scotty), rule the streets. NARRATOR (VO) And two, there was a sliver of society that ran through Greenville at night that catered to white masters who were infected with a condition that was normally referred to as, "Nigger love." At night the streets, the bars, bistros, and buggy rides were ruled by rich white masters showing off their pretty Pony's. EXT - CLEOPATRA CLUB - NIGHT An establishing shot.of the three story house that has been converted into private club called, The Cleopatra Club. NARRATOR (VO) But the crown jewel of all this interracial frivolity, was the members only, Cleopatra Club. INSERT: GOLD PLAQUE with the name, THE CLEOPATRA CLUB on it, next to it is a profile of Nefertiti. 6! INT - THE CLEOPATRA CLUB - RESTAURANT - NIGHT The interracial joint is jumping (as long as by interracial you mean white men and black women). Scotty and Broomhilda are enjoying a fancy dinner in the clubs dining room. We see across the dining room, the powerful white man, CALVIN CANDIE, sitting with some White Men and some Black Ponys, eyeing Broomhilda. SCOTTY I gotta tell you Broomhilda - I don't care if I go to. hell for this - I love you. And if loving you means I go to

lies

How many times the word 'lies' appears in the text?

'em. SPENCER'S HORSE his hooves race and rip up the grass. SPENCER riding for his life... DJANGO scope sight rifle up to his eye. Dr.SCHULTZ He's getting out of range. DJANGO I got 'em. INSERT: A black finger squeezes the rifle trigger. SPENCER BENNETT we're behind him as he rides away, OFF SCREEN we hear the whistling of what sounds like an incoming missle. SPENCER BENNETT we're in.front of Spencer Bennett as he rides, when Django's bullet, RIPS THROUGH his CHEST. DJANGO DJANGO I got 'em. SPENCER BENNETT falls from his horse, dead. DJANGO scope sight rifle in his hand, big smile on his face, looks.to Dr.Schultz. Dr.SCHULTZ Like that, huh? Referring to the scope sight rifle; DJANGO I like. Dr.SCHULTZ Well, I think while they take this opportunity to lick their wounds, we should take this opportunity to get the fuck out of Tennessee. They hop out of the tree. MONTAGE Dr.Schultz in a big city, buying Django a new saddle. Django gets his first initial "D" etched into it. The men go to different stores to purchase Django's wardrobe. The outfit bought, is selected by Django, with suggestions offered by Schultz. When he's done, Django looks damn handsome in his new duds. Brown cowboy boots, Green Corduroy Jacket, Smokey Grey Shirt, Tan Skin Tight Pants, and Light Brown Cowboy Hat. He looks a. bit like Elvis in "Flaming Star" and a Little Joe Cartwright on "Bonanza". However, tellingly, he keeps Ace Speck's Winter Coat as his winter coat. EXT - COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY Django, sitting on his new saddle, in his new duds, rides alongside the good doctor Schultz. The German carries a PICNIC BASKET. Dr.SCHULTZ But I'm serious son, Greenville is just too dangerous for you to go fucking around there. You're a freed, slave, you should be in New York. You shouldn't be in Greenville, you shouldn't even be forty miles on any side of Greenville., You shouldn't be anywhere in Mississippi. DJANGO She's my wife, it's my job to look after her. If Greenville's where I gotta go to find out where she went, then I gotta go. Now you were sayin' where I gotta go first? Dr.SCHULTZ There'should be some sort of records office. You know when she was sold, you know where she came from, the Carrucan Plantation, and you know her name ... . what is her name? DJANGO Broomhilda. Schultz reacts. Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda? Django.nods his head yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Were her owners German? Now Django reacts, "How did he know that? DJANGO Yeah, how did you know? She wasn't born on The Carrucan Plantation. She was raised by a German mistress, The Von Shafts. She can speak a little German too. Dr.SCHULTZ Your wife? DJANGO Yeah, when she was little her mistress taught her so she'd have somebody to talk German with. Dr.SCHULTZ So let me get this straight, your slave wife speaks German, and her name is Broomhilda Von Shaft...? DJANGO Yep. Mouthful, huh? Dr.SCHULTZ To say the least. (stopping the horse) This looks like a very pretty place to have our picnic. What'd ya say, here? TIME CUT EXT - PICNIC IN COUNTRY MEADOW - PRETTY DAY The two men sit on a blanket with a nice picnic spread spread out. Django eats a cucumber sandwich with the crust cut off, and drinks a cup of tea. DJANGO How did you know Broomhilda's first masters were German? Dr.SCHULTZ Broomhilda is a German name. If they named her, it stands to reason they'd be German. DJANGO Lotsa gals where you from named Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ No, not so much. Broomhilda is the name of a character in one of the most popular of all the German legends. DJANGO Really? There's a story 'bout Broomhilda? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes there is. DJANGO Do you know it? Dr.SCHULTZ Every German knows that story. Would you like me to tell you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ Well Broomhilda was a princess. She was the daughter of Wotan, the god of all gods. Anyway, her father is really mad at her. DJANGO What she do.? Dr.SCHULTZ I don't exactly remember. I think she disobeys him in some way. So at first he's just going to obliterate her - DJANGO Obliterate... . what does that mean? Dr.SCHULTZ Like blow up. He pantomimes a explosion. DJANGO Phew, that's pretty mad. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes it is, and like most fathers, given a little time, he calms down a bit. He's still mad at her. He still wants to punish her. Just not ... . blow her up. So instead what he does, is he puts her high on top of a mountain. DJANGO Broomhilda's on a mountain? Dr.SCHULTZ It's a German legend, there's always going to be a mountain in there somewhere. So, he puts her on top of the mountain and he puts a fire breathing dragon there to guard the mountain. And. then he surrounds her in circle of hellfire. And there Broomhilda shall remain, unless a hero arises brave enough to save her. DJANGO Does a fella arise? From now on as Dr.Schultz talks, he's beginning to realize something he wasn't aware of when the conversation started. Dr.SCHULTZ Yes Django, as a matter he does. A fella named, Sigfried. DJANGO Does Sigfried save her? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes he does, and quite spectacularly, so. Now true, he is assisted in his triumph by a truly, truly, remarkable sword, still, having said that, Sigfried triumphs over all of his obstacles not just due to his sword, but due to his courage. He scales the mountain, because he's not afraid of it. He defeats the dragon, because he's not afraid.of him. Dr.SCHULTZ (CON'T) He walks through hellfire because Broomhilda's worth. it. After that last line of dialogue... .the two men just let a moment pass as they nibble on their sandwiches. DJANGO I know how he feels. Dr.SCHULTZ I think I'm just starting to realize that. He pours Django and himself some more tea out of a fancy tea pot, as he thinks about what he's going to say next. Dr.SCHULTZ Look Django, I don't doubt one day you will save your lady love. But I'm afraid I can't let you go to Greenville in a good conscious. Let me ask you a question, how do you like the bounty hunting business? DJANGO Kill white folks, and they pay ya? What's not to like? Dr.SCHULTZ I hafta admit, we make a good team. DJANGO But I'thought you were mad at me for killin' Big John and Rodger? Dr.SCHULTZ Yes, on that occasion, you were a tad overzealous. But normally, that's a good thing. How'd you like to partner up for the winter? DJANGO What'd ya mean partner up? Dr.SCHULTZ You be my deputy, for real this time. A lot of the big money is in outlaw gangs. Some of these fellas are worth fifteen hundred or three thousand a piece. With one man, anything over three men is a risk. But with a partner? Creating cross fire? It's fish in a. barrel. A lot of these gangs hold up in the'hills for the winter. DJANGO You makin' another agreement? W7 Dr.SCHULTZ Yes. You work with me through the winter, till the snow melts. I give you a third of my bounties. And while we're together, I'll teach you a few things you're going to need to know. DJANGO Can you teach me how to make Tony do that head bow thing that Fritz can do? Dr.SCHULTZ That among other things. We make some money this winter, when the snow melts, I'll take you to Greenville myself, and we'll find where they sent your wife. I'm pretty good at finding people. Is it a deal? No white man has ever done anything for Django, just to him. So understandably, he's a little suspicious. DJANGO Why you care what happens to me? Why you care if I find my wife? Dr.SCHULTZ Well frankly, I've never given anybody their freedom before. And now that I have, I feel vaguely responsible for you. You're just not ready to go off on your own, it's that simple. You're too green, you'll get hurt. Plus when a German meets a real life Sigfried,. it's kind of a big deal. As a German, I'm obliged to help you on your quest to rescue your beloved Broomhilda. Django accepts that response. What follows is a MONTAGE covering the five months that Django and Schultz partner up as bounty hunters. Schultz wears his normal ensemble. Django wears his cool looking Green Jacket, unless it's really cold, which a lot of this Montage is. Then he still wears Ace Specks raw hide winter coat over his cool clothes. WE SEE A SCENE to be improvised (more or less), where Dr.Schultz teaches Django how to draw and shoot the pistol in the holster at his hip. By the end of the scene, after trial and error, we see Django's going to be good at this. EXT - HILLSIDE - SUNNY DAY We see Django and Dr.Schultz walking up a hill. Tony and Fritz have been left tied up downhill. Django leads a extra body HORSE (named PONCHO) behind him. Dr.Schultz carries his scope sight rifle in 'a long case. They get to the top of the hill. It overlooks a small farmhouse. Y, 8 DOWN BELOW WE SEE A LITTLE MAN struggling behind a plow, and his FIFTEEN YEAR OLD SON helping him by leading the horse forward. On top of their perch on the hill top, Dr.Schultz says; Dr.SCHULTZ Keep down or he'll see you. DJANGO Who that farmer? Who cares? Dr.SCHULTZ Well since we came here to kill 'em, he just might. DJANGO What? The little man pushin' that plow? Dr.SCHULTZ That little man pushing that plow, is Smitty Bacall. DJANGO Smitty Bacall is a farmer? Dr.SCHULTZ No. Smitty Bacall is a stagecoach robber who's hiding out as a farmer, because there's a seven thousand dollar bounty on his head. He hands Django the scope rifle case. Dr.SCHULTZ And he's all yours my boy. DJANGO lays on his belly, with the Scope Sight up to his eye. SCOPE SIGHT POV: on the Farmer struggling behind his plow, working hard with his horse and his son. Django's finger on the trigger... .but he hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Oh what happened.to mister I wanna kill white folks for money? DJANGO His son's with him. Dr.SCHULTZ Good. He'll have a loved one with him. Maybe even share a last word. That's better then most get, and a damn. sight better then he deserves. 1 9 Django still hesitates. Dr.SCHULTZ Put down the rifle. Don't worry, I'm not mad at you. Take out Smitty Bacall's handbill. Django removes the folded up handbill from the pocket of his tan pants. Dr.SCHULTZ Read it aloud. Consider it today's lesson. DJANGO (READING) "Wanted, dead or alive. Smitty Bacall and The Smitty Bacall Gang. For murder and stagecoach robbery. Seven thousand dollars for Smitty Bacall. One thousand and five hundred dollars for each of his gang members. Known members of The Smitty Bacall Gang are as follows, DANDY MICHAELS, GERALD NASH, and CRAZY CRAIG KOONS." Dr.SCHULTZ Well done. Bravo. THAT is who Smitty Bacall is. If Smitty Bacall wanted to start a farm at twenty-two, they would never of printed that. (REFERRING TO THE HANDBILL) But Smitty Bacall wanted to rob stagecoaches, and he didn't mind killing people to do it. You want to save your wife by doing what I do? This is what I do. I kill people, and sell their corpses for cash. His corpse is worth seven thousand dollars. Now quit your pussyfootin and shoot him. Django SHOOTS. The Little Man down below behind the plow falls down. The Young Boy doesn't know what happened at first. Then he figures'out his father was just shot. He goes to him in the dirt. Dr.SCHULTZ You need to keep that Smitty Bacall handbill. DJANGO Why? Dr.SCHULTZ It's good luck. You always keep the handbill of your first bounty. They begin walking down the hill, to collect Smitty Bacall's body, leading the extra body horse behind them. 50 As they walk down hill, they watch the little scene of Smitty Bacall's Son cradling his dying father.in his arms, the older man speaking his last words to his son before he dies. Dr.SCHULTZ See, they're having a tender little father son moment now. No doubt the most heartfelt one they've ever had. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - NIGHT It's now full on snowy winter in the hills. Django practices his quick draw against a SNOWMAN he's built. He sticks a BOTTLE in it, so the bottom of the bottle is where the snowman's heart would be. He DRAWS... Shoots the bottle heart! He DRAWS ... Shoots the left coal eye. He DRAWS ... Shoots the right coal eye. He DRAWS... Shoots the carrot nose. Dr.Schultz comes up behind him. Dr.SCHULTZ I think it's safe to say you're faster then the snowman. EXT - SNOWY FOREST - DIFFERENT NIGHT A outlaw gang known as The WILSON - LOWE GANG (five guys) ride through a snowy forest at night. When all five men and their Horses, are SHOT FROM ABOVE. DJANGO AND SCHULTZ up in a tree, FIRING DOWN ON them. EXT - WINTER MOUNTAIN TOWN MAIN STREET - NIGHT The FLAKES continue to FALL HARD as Dr.Schultz and Django ride down the main street of town, pulling poor Poncho who's FULLY LOADED DOWN with five corpses. 571 The local SHERIFF, DON GUS, watches the two men ride up, he knows them. SHERIFF GUS Doctor and Django, how the hell are ya, and who the hell ya got there? Dr.SCHULTZ The Wilson - Lowe Gang. SHERIFF GUS Who the hell's The Wilson - Lowe Gang? Dr.Schultz removes a handbill from his inside jacket pocket, and hands it down to the friendly peace officer. Dr.SCHULTZ Bad Chuck Wilson, and meaner Bobby Lowe. And three of their acolytes. SHERIFF GUS Just leave 'em out here, they ain't going nowhere. And if'in they do, god must love 'em, so who are we to say. Come outta the snowy snow and git yourself some coffee. TNT - SHERIFF GUS'S OFFICE - NIGHT The snow encrusted bounty hunters come inside the lawmans office. They exchange pleasantries about the weather as the Sheriff pours them coffee. After the two frosty gentlemen have drunk some of the hot liquid, they get down to business. As Schultz and Gus discuss the bounties, Django reads the handbills aloud from off the wall. On the third one he reads, WARREN VANDERS, and a two thousand dollar bounty, "That one", Schultz says. Django RIPS IT off the wall. As the winter has progressed, we see they've become a genuine bounty hunting team. And Django, a genuine bounty hunter. EXT - PRETTY MEADOW - DAY The snow has melted, and it's SPRING. And inside of this meadow Django practices his fast draw against five men... .by Schultz throwing FIVE COINS in the air ... DJANGO DRAWS FAST shoots three coins, FIRES again hitting another, then falls to the ground to get the fifth. He looks up from the ground at Schultz. 5L As Schultz collects the coins off the ground, he says; Dr.SCHULTZ You're pretty confident aren't you? Django nods his head, yes. Dr.SCHULTZ You have reason to be. He holds out his fist, opens his hand, the coins lay in his palm. All the coins have bullet holes dead in their center. He drops them on top of Django. DJANGO Still think I'm too green for Greenville? Dr.Schultz removes a pipe, sticks it in his mouth and says; Dr.SCHULTZ Oh you're ready for Greenville. He lights a match, then lights the pipe, puffing as he says; Dr.SCHULTZ Greenville ready for you, that I'm not so sure. He blows out the match... WE GO TO BLACK What we also saw in the above montage is Django shake off a lifetime of slavery. Django, in his green jacket, in his cowboy hat, on top of his steed Tony, with his gun hanging from his hip, has become his own man. He's not a slave anymore. He's a bounty hunter. BLACK TITLE CARD ACROSS THE SCREEN ONE LETTER AT A TIME STYLE (ala "Rocky" and "FLASHDANCE") MISSISSIPPI CUT TO EXT - THE TOWN OF GREENVILLE MISSISSIPPI - DAY The whole Main Street of Greenville is thick with five inches of shit brown mud that all the horse hooves, and wagon wheels, and slave feet have to wade through to get from one end of the town to the other. 53 We see Django and Dr.Schultz enter the town, and slosh their horses in the mud,, down the main street of Greenville Mississippi. The buying and selling of slaves is what the whole town is built around. BLACK MEN, WOMEN, and CHILDREN in BONDAGE are everywhere you look. LINES OF CHAINED SLAVES being marched one way or the other, move through the muddy streets of Greenville. WHITE MEN on horses move them along. BUCKBOARDS filled with DOMESTIC SLAVES (HOUSE NIGGERS), and pretty PONYS, driven by WHITE MEN roll through the street. A YOUNG WHITE BOY (14 years old), a shepherd, leads a bunch of SLAVE CHILDREN through town. A SHEPHERD'S DOG, HELPS HIM OUT BY MOVING THE KIDS ALONG. Impromptu slave auctions take place on almost every block. A SUBTITLE APPEARS on the bottom of the screen: GREENVILLE CHICKASAW COUNTY, MISSISSIPPI Dr.Schultz takes in this African flesh market, where human beings sell other human beings, with disgust and a little bit of shock. Django is neither disgusted or. shocked, he knows first hand how Greenville operates. As he rides Tony through town in his snappy duds, he looks'at the BLACK MEN half dressed: in chains. He REMEMBERS HIMSELF with his six Other Companions from earlier, being walked through the mud of Main Street by The Speck Brothers. On that day he might as well of been a steer. Today, with a gun on his hip, money in his pocket, in his snappy outfit, astride his steed Tony, he feels so different from these wretched half naked bastards it gives him a bit of a chill. Django sees the towns railroad depot, and across from it a huge SLAVE PEN, like a STEER CORRAL. At the moment there's no train in the depot. WE FLASH ON The TRAIN, at a earlier time, pulling into the depot. INSIDE ONE OF THE BOXCARS amidst a boxcar full of shirtless BLACK MALES, Django watches the train pull into the station, from inside the wooden slates of the boxcar.: A hatch in the roof of the boxcar is NOISILY YANKED OPEN, and TWO WHITE SLAVE TRADERS (RUSS AND JUDD), peer down at their human cargo. JUDD Good god almighty these niggers stink! I F RUSS Niggers stink, where's the shock? (to the Slaves BELOW) Okay you bucks, listen up, and listen well, I'm only gonna say this once. There's a slave corral right across from this boxcar. We gittin ready to open these doors. When we do, y'all run as fast as you can, right into that pen. 'Anyone gittin off trail, gonna get hurt and hurt bad. Now you niggers better comprehend. And that goes for any African garboons amongst y'all can't understand english ... . your American buddies better shove your ass in the right direction, or your trip to this country is going to be short, and pointless. Train to pen as fast as you can! The boxcar door is slid open, and a HUNDRED AND FIFTY BLACK MALES run full out from the train to the steer corral. We spot Django during the running. Once inside the corral, the gate is closed. COWBOYS with rifles act as prison guards. INSIDE THE CORRAL through the wooden posts, in the distance, Django watches them open up the boxcar holding the females. They do their run to their pen out of view. Django catches a quick glimpse of Broomhild.a running with the other LADIES, then she's gone from view. BACK TO DJANGO (PRESENT) Django and Dr.Schultz on top of their horses, taking in the sight of Greenville. Dr.SCHULTZ It's a spectacle out of Dante. DJANGO You should see it from the other side. Dr.SCHULTZ Frankly, I don't know if I could endure this. DJANGO You'd be surprised what you can endure. (BEAT) Where to? 675 Dr.SCHULTZ Records office. CUT TO INT - RECORDS OFFICE - DAY Dr.Schultz and Django walk into a records office, lined with books. We watch through the store front window, the black man and white man enter, and Dr.Schultz present his business card to a Dickensian looking RECORDS OFFICE WORKER. As Schultz starts his spellbinding with words routine... . The CAMERA FADES TO BLACK. BLACK TITLE CARD: BROOMHILDA INT - SLAVE PEN - DAY The same shot we saw before of Django fighting his way to the bars of the slave pen, to get a better last look of Broomhilda. Broomhilda, as before is walked by in the distance. Then, as before Django loses sight of her. EXT - MAIN STREET - GREENVILLE - DAY We follow in front of Broomhilda being lead out of the slave pen by TWO WHITE MALE SLAVERS. Her bare feet slosh in the Main Street mud, and the leg irons scrap her ankles. Up until now everything you've ever seen of Broomhilda, has only been in Django's Spaghetti Western Flashbacks. In other words, from his perspective, and memory. This is the,only time the story will shift to Broomhilda's perspective. The strong but frightened girl is led out on to the hustle and bustle, and wagon wheels and horse hoofs of Main Street. Broomhilda is not taken into that three story auction arena that Django was sold in at the beginning. Instead She's just lifted up on a parked buckboard wagon. Her SELLER (CLYDE) starts his pitch on the TWELVE or so BUYERS that watch this puny make shift auction. BROOMHILDA looks down into the crowd of twelve ugly white men, and holds her breath which one will buy her. Among the ugly white men we see Mr.HARMONY (MIKE), not quite as ugly as the rest. An older well dressed, classy gentleman. Next to him is his twenty four year old overweight awkward son SCOTTY HARMONY. Scotty in the audience, and Broomhilda on the wagon, THEIR EYES MEET, he nudges his dad. The Seller makes her expose her breasts to the small crowd. Then her back, revealing her whip marks. Then pointing out the runaway "r" branded in her cheek. Some of the crowd, including Scotty, react with repulsion at the sight of the whip marks. The Seller assures the crowd, that niggers don't feel pain like white folks, and it only makes the women more gentle. SELLER - CLYDE Fellahs, you ain't felt gentle, till you felt nigger gal gentle. UGLY MAN makes a bid. BROOMHILDA yikes. UGLIER MAN higher bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. UGLIER BY FAR GUY makes leap frog big bid. BROOMHILDA reacts. BIG GREASY FAT GUY makes a bid. BIG FAT GREASY BEAVER PELT COVERED TRAPPER makes a bid. A GIGGLING LEERING GROUP OF BROTHERS make a bid. A SEVENTY FIVE YEAR OLD INDIAN ON A MULE makes a bid. Mr.Harmony makes a bid for his son Scotty. Broomhilda notices that. And makes more eye contact with Scotty. They look at each other as Mr.Harmony continues to bid. A LITERARY NARRATOR comes on the soundtrack. NARRATOR (VO) On that day, eight months ago, the auction was won by Mike Harmony, as a birthday present for his fat boy son Scotty. Mr.Harmony congratulates his son. From on top of the buckboard Broomhilda looks down at her new owners. Later they leave for the Harmony house. Scotty lifts Broomhilda up into the back of the buckboard. He hands her a little white bag. SCOTTY This is for you. She opens the bag,candies of many colors sit in it. SCOTTY They're jelly beans. Try one. She selects a yellow one and puts it in her mouth. SCOTTY Good huh? She nods her head, yes. We see him drive the buckboard out of Greenville with Broomhilda in the back eating her bag of jelly beans. $XT - COUNTRY ROAD - DAY The buckboard makes its way down a country road. Broomhilda in the back, and Scotty driving the wagon. Scotty bought her, but he's too scared to talk to her. Broomhilda's muddy bare feet dangle off the wagon. She's beginning to realize the young master is the shy type. BROOMHILDA Master Scotty... ? SCOTTY Yes Broomhilda? BROOMHILDA I'm lonely back here. Can I come on up with you on that seat so we can talk? SCOTTY Please, I'd love that. She climbs into the driver's seat. In more ways then one. '8 EXT - THE HARMONY HOUSE - DAY A nice two story southern house. Very nice, but hardly a plantation. The household's FOUR DOMESTIC SLAVES. Broomhilda will be the fifth. The buckboard pulls up to the front of the house. Scotty's mother, Mrs.HARMONY (MARY LOUISE), waits to meet her son, and his new bought nigger gal. The older lady looks the black girl up and down and says to her; Mrs.HARMONY What's your name, gal? BROOMHILDA Broomhilda. Mrs.HARMONY Follow me. into the kitchen, ('to her son) You stay out here. INT - KITCHEN - DAY Mrs.Harmony brings Broomhilda in her kitchen. The TWO DOMESTIC SLAVES that were in, there are chased out by the boss lady. Mrs.Harmony grabs Broomhilda by the wrist, and tells her; Mrs.HARMONY I want to have a word with you, wench. You met my boy Scotty. You can tell ain't no white girl gonna fool with him. And if they do fool with him, they fool with him for the wrong reason. Boy's twenty four, he still ain't a man yet. That's why you're here. Be nice to him. He's a very sweet boy. Play him right, he'll eat bird seed out of your palm. Play 'em wrong, you'll deal with me. BROOMHILDA I like Scotty. He's just shy is all. All he needs is a little confidence. Mrs.HARMONY And you'll give that to him? BROOMHILDA I'll do my best, mam. Scotty's a real sweet boy. Mrs.HARMONY He is, isn't he? BROOMHILDA Ah-huh. The mother lets go of the young lady's wrist. 19 NARRATOR (VO) Basically The Harmony's bought a slave bride for young master Scotty that day. And the two kids had a nice time playing house for awhile. We see Scotty and Broomhilda catching butterflies in butterfly nets in the daytime.. At night they catch LIGHTNING BUGS together. At night in Scotty's bed, while the young man lay fast asleep, Broomhilda looks at her jelly jar of GLOWING LIGHTNING BUGS. NARRATOR (VO) As Scotty's sort of defacto sweetheart, if no visitors were about, Broomhilda would even join the family at their dinner table. We see them at dinner eating fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. NARRATOR.(VO) And pretty soon she was adopted into a member of the family. Mrs.Harmony and Broomhilda sewing together. The Harmony family and Broomhilda playing croquet in the front yard. After dinner, Mrs.Harmony entertaining the family by playing the piano. Mr.Harmony reading the women and his son a story from a storybook. NARRATOR (VO) Scotty was never happier. Scotty and Broomhilda walking holding hands at Southern magic hour. Broomhilda having sex with Scotty, baby talking with him, talking him through it, making him feel loved and secure. NARRATOR (VO) After three months of this bliss, Scotty decided to take Broomhilda for a romantic weekend in Greenville. SCOTTY AND BROOMHILDA drive through the Main Street of Greenville, dressed to the nines, in a fancy carriage. Broomhilda dressed in a beautiful white lace dress, complete with white lace gloves, fancy ladies hat, and white parasol. Scotty, very proud of his pretty Pony, is dressed in a fashion best described as plantation pimp daddy. 6O NARRATOR (VO) White masters would take their pretty Ponys to Greenville for a treat or romantic excursion, for two reasons-One, seeing how bad the other slaves had it, always made the papered Ponys appreciate their privilege position, (just in case they'd forgot). BROOMHILDA holding her parasol, looking like a black Daisy Miller, watches the OTHER SLAVES march by in the mud. They watch her too. INT - HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT Broomhilda and Scotty, and their luggage, move into the fancy hotel lobby, and rent a room at the front desk. INSERT: HOTEL REGISTRY Scotty signs his name. The DESK CLERKS HAND checks the box on the registry book that indicates darkee female companion. INT -. GREENVILLE - NIGHT Greenville at night is a little different. At night, RICH WHITE MASTERS showing off their Ponys (like Scotty), rule the streets. NARRATOR (VO) And two, there was a sliver of society that ran through Greenville at night that catered to white masters who were infected with a condition that was normally referred to as, "Nigger love." At night the streets, the bars, bistros, and buggy rides were ruled by rich white masters showing off their pretty Pony's. EXT - CLEOPATRA CLUB - NIGHT An establishing shot.of the three story house that has been converted into private club called, The Cleopatra Club. NARRATOR (VO) But the crown jewel of all this interracial frivolity, was the members only, Cleopatra Club. INSERT: GOLD PLAQUE with the name, THE CLEOPATRA CLUB on it, next to it is a profile of Nefertiti. 6! INT - THE CLEOPATRA CLUB - RESTAURANT - NIGHT The interracial joint is jumping (as long as by interracial you mean white men and black women). Scotty and Broomhilda are enjoying a fancy dinner in the clubs dining room. We see across the dining room, the powerful white man, CALVIN CANDIE, sitting with some White Men and some Black Ponys, eyeing Broomhilda. SCOTTY I gotta tell you Broomhilda - I don't care if I go to. hell for this - I love you. And if loving you means I go to

well--"old

How many times the word 'well--"old' appears in the text?

(CONT'D) Good job, Jacob... And as they head out into the Dubai heat... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.)(PRE-LAP) So he trust you now. EXT. BOWLING GREEN PARK - DAY The iconic charging bull of Wall Street. JACOB (V.O.) I think so. Travel the park to find... Jacob and Gordon stopping at the food vendors. GORDON GEKKO Well, I'm happy to help. (AND THEN) What about your end of the trade, Sport? JACOB Oh... I'm still working on it. (BEAT) I'll talk to her. I promise. GORDON GEKKO (TO VENDOR) Hot dog. (TO JACOB) What do you want? JACOB (TO VENDOR) I'll take a pretzel. As they get their food and walk... GORDON GEKKO So you're a hedge fund cowboy now? Shaking his head... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Goddamn hedge funds -- what a racket. Playing the world casino, betting other people's money with leverage. And it's completely legal and completely unregulated. (MORE) 71. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) The hustles they get away with make insider trading seem like a parking ticket. SLAM INTO THE FRONTIER FUND/TRADING PIT Rows and rows of computers in a large dark room.... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Nassim Tariq and his Frontier Fund. With their slews of MIT grads who become glorified millionaire robots pushing buttons... ... with casually dressed ASIANS and INDIANS in their 20s working the keyboards like zombies. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... slaves to top-secret propriety elegant algorithms that work until they don't. AND SLAM INTO ESSEX CAPITAL ADVISERS/CONFERENCE ROOM A stuffy conference room half-filled with bored MEN in their 40s watching a presentation... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or the baby cub funds like Sammy Rosen's Essex Advisers... filled with Goldman Sachs and Julian Robertson pedigree. Most of the men type on their blackberrys... one is actually asleep. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Men who are way too rich, lazy and tired to run money properly anymore. THEN SLAM INTO THE DANIELS ACTIVIST FUND/ALLAN DANIELS'S OFFICE A small cluttered office with papers strewn about... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or Allan Daniel's and his bully operation. ALLAN DANIELS, a small bull-dog of a man, paces back and forth... dictating in anger. His SECRETARY types down every word he's shouting. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... with his angry letters to company boards that are nothing but veiled threats in the name of activism. AND RIGHT BACK TO BOWLING GREEN PARK Where Gordon stops walking... 72. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) So you're inside... you have his trust... and now you want to know what's next. And Jacob's look over to Gekko confirms this. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Here's the thing about Bretton. He puts all of his money into his own fund which makes him stupid, egotistical, and most importantly... vulnerable. (BEAT) And he chases. He doesn't take losses well and he chases with leverage. He thinks he's a trader, he thinks he's an investor but he's not. He's a gambler. Regarding Jacob... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) That pretzel looks good. Jacob just shrugs. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Care to make a trade? JACOB Whatever. And they trade. The hotdog for the pretzel. GORDON GEKKO As for your end of our trade. (BEAT) Find a way for me to reunite with my daughter, Jake. Because we both know how she would react to the fact that you've been lying to her about bonding with your future father-in-law. Just standing there... holding that hot dog... JACOB Is that a threat? Looking Jacob dead on... GORDON GEKKO Absolutely. Jacob just shakes his head with a laugh... now realizing that Gekko talked him into this position for this exact leverage. JACOB You're priceless, Gordon. 73. With a smile... GORDON GEKKO Just be happy I'm on your team. (AND THEN) Get him into a bad position and watch him chase it. JACOB What bad position? GORDON GEKKO What have I been saying all along, Kid? JACOB Financials. GORDON GEKKO They're a death trap -- mark my words. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As Jacob takes in his new view... it's spectacular. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) But he won't fall for a brokerage or bank play this late in the game. Everyone knows they're poison. AND TIME LAPSE As the office grows furniture... a plasma on the wall... a computer on the desk... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Sell him on insurance. There's a case to be made for those stocks... ill- fated as they may be. ... books on the shelves... pictures on the walls... a couch and table... a paper shredder and waste baskets... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) But take your time... make him think you've been doing your due diligence. Find Jacob at his desk... working away at his computer... it's late at night. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Make it look like you're working your ass off to find him this genius trade... come in early, leave late and don't bring up the idea for at least a few weeks. And Jacob finally gets up from his desk... goes to the window... looking across midtown Manhattan... 74. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) And then Jacob... ... eyes pasted on a building made of glass and steel... a building he once called home... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... sell him hard... then watch him bite... then watch him chase... ... KZI Investments. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... then watch him come undone. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - DAY Holding his suitcase, Jacob emerges from the elevator and heads for a waiting town car. Jacob sees Diego... JACOB Bring it. Diego smiles... loves this new one... DIEGO What's the most dangerous question on Wall Street? JACOB Tell me. DIEGO "How are you?" And Jacob agrees whole-heartedly as he heads on his way. EXT. WASHINGTON DC - MORNING As the sun rises over our nation's capital. EXT. ROCK CREEK PARK - MORNING Winnie and Jacob jog the park through the humid July haze. It's very early. And Jacob stops jogging. Catches his breath. She keeps running. JACOB Why are you with me? She stops and turns back to him. WINNIE What? 75. JACOB You hate finance. You hate Wall Street. Why are you with me? Winnie nods. It's a valid question. And she thinks about it for a moment, then... WINNIE Repetition compulsion. JACOB Huh? WINNIE It's Freud. JACOB And what does it mean, psych major? WINNIE Well, it's when people repeat the same dysfunctional relationships from childhood in their adult life in hopes of trying to master them. JACOB Like when children of alcoholics fall in love with alcoholics. WINNIE Yeah. He turns away... upset. JACOB That's great, Winnie. WINNIE Jacob, that might be why I was initially attracted to you... but it's not why I love you. She moves to him. WINNIE (CONT'D) I love you because you're compassionate and you care so deeply about what you do and you have like no ego, it's crazy. She reaches to him... turning his face to meet hers. WINNIE (CONT'D) And you're the smartest person I've ever met... and there's nobody I trust more in the world. Jacob looks away... almost ashamed. And Winnie can sense something's not right. 76. WINNIE (CONT'D) What's wrong? JACOB Nothing... As Jacob draws in a deep breath, collects himself and finally turns back to her with... JACOB (CONT'D) I just wish you would master that relationship from childhood so you can move forward with this one. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on July 20th then travels down the trend and stops. And as a circle is formed around August 11th, we... CUT TO: EXT. WESTSIDE HIGHWAY- DAY And Manhattan... as it sweats through the heart of summer. Two jetvans ride uptown... INT. JETVAN - DAY As Jacob rides with Bretton... JACOB Bretton... I found something I like. Bretton looks over to him. BRETTON WOODS I've been wondering when my new portfolio manager was going to come to me with something special. JACOB I just wanted to make sure I would be bringing you the smartest idea possible. I know you don't go light. Confirming... BRETTON WOODS That's right. If I commit to this... we go large and we don't back down. JACOB It might be better to do this in the office. I have color and support to PRESENT-- Waving him off... 77. BRETTON WOODS C'mon Jacob, you know that's not how we do. EXT. ADIRONDACK FOREST PRESERVE - DAY 2.7 million acres of State protected majestic land. All nature... rivers and lakes... cypresses and maples. Clean air. And trails. Many trails that go on for miles. As the two Becker jetvans arrive at a restricted area, a STATE RANGER opens the gate and allows them to drive through then park. Jacob and Bretton emerge from the jetvan. BRETTON WOODS This is how we do. And with a nod, the DRIVER of the other jetvan opens it to reveal two motorcycles inside. Bretton's MTT Turbine Superbike and an Agusta, these bikes are handcrafted works of art as much as they are demons of speed. Jacob laughs in disbelief and excitement. JACOB And we're allowed to ride these through here? Sucking in the fresh summer air... BRETTON WOODS No. AND JACOB AND BRETTON Now decked out in leather riding gear... on the bikes... at the mouth of the trail... revving the engines... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Follow me... And with that, shoots into the forest. Jacob quickly follows. AND THEY RIDE Winding through the trees... along the side of a river... Bretton riding extremely fast with Jacob trying to keep up. Bretton reaches a clearing and waits for Jacob to catch up. Once he does... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) You're going to have to keep up. JACOB Okay. I'm just getting used to it. 78. BRETTON WOODS Tell me your idea. JACOB Here? BRETTON WOODS Where else? JACOB Right. Okay. (COLLECTING HIMSELF) Are you still short any of the financials? BRETTON WOODS No. After KZI, I took profits. JACOB I think it's time to go the other way. BRETTON WOODS Banks? JACOB Insurance companies. I'm talking the old school insurers that have become the babies thrown out with the bath water. Jacob waits for a reaction from Bretton. But all he gets is... BRETTON WOODS Keep up! And with that, Bretton rips into the clearing. Jacob rides just as fast. They're neck and neck... it's definitely a race. Bretton pulls ahead but Jacob doesn't give up. As they move quickly toward a patch of forest with a only narrow trail entering it, Jacob focuses on the horizon and revs the bike into more speed. He pulls up next to Bretton as they approach the trail. If Jacob doesn't slow down, and fall in line behind Bretton, he's going to hit the trees. But he doesn't. Instead, Jacob blasts the bike into its final dose of speed, narrowly avoiding impact by zipping into the trail... pulling ahead of Bretton and taking the lead. A TRANQUIL LAKE As it sits still in the setting sun. Untouched by man. Bretton and Jacob get off the bikes and walk to the shore. As they catch their breaths and enjoy the beauty... 79. JACOB The basket of stocks I'm putting together focuses on reinsurance brokering and management services for businesses. They're trading below book and have large dividends. (BEAT) I say we buy them here. Bretton thinks about it. He's not sure. BRETTON WOODS Financials are a falling knife. Jacob nods... JACOB I'm not arguing that... but the best opportunities are found where angels fear to tread. Jacob can see... he has Bretton on the hook. JACOB (CONT'D) So yeah -- they are falling knives. But Bretton... And with confidence... driving it home... JACOB (CONT'D) ... what's life without a little blood on your hands? INT. JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As WORKERS install an electronic ticker that wraps around the top circumference of the whole office... similar to the one Andrew Zabel had. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) Okay. Then I want you to build positions in your favorite three names. Jacob picks up the phone and... THE SCREEN SPLITS IN TWO With Jacob on top and Robby on the bottom. As Robby takes the order and starts typing into his Bloomberg... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I want you stealth. Use all six trading desks we're in business with. NOW ROBBY'S HALF OF THE SCREEN SPLITS INTO 6 SMALL BOXES 80. Six different trading desks... six different BROKERS taking calls from Jacob who still owns the whole top half of the screen. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) And if they go down... we increase our size. AND BACK TO JACOB Leaning back... feet on desk... staring at the ticker... which only has three stocks on it... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) See Jacob -- I don't believe in "wrong." MCC at $21.65, ACN at $16.24 and ISS at $7.23. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I only believe in "not right yet." EXT. UPPER WEST SIDE - NIGHT A rainstorm takes over the city. A cab pulls out front of Shun Lee Cafe. INT. TAXI - NIGHT Winnie sucks in a deep breath. WINNIE He chose this restaurant. Jacob confirms. WINNIE (CONT'D) We used to come here every Sunday night. He takes her hand. JACOB You're going to be fine. WINNIE I'm only doing this for you. JACOB No. You're doing this for you. She just glares at him. WINNIE We're never having sex again. JACOB Then what my friends say about marriage will be true. 81. And she nervously fights back a smile... WINNIE Oh, shut up. INT. SHUN LEE CAFE - NIGHT The HOST leads Winnie and Jacob through the grand dining room. Gordon sees them and stands up. We can tell he's anxious as well. GORDON GEKKO Hi. Fighting back the nerves... WINNIE Hey. They just stand there. Jacob holds out his hand. JACOB Mr. Gekko, I'm Jacob Moore, we spoke on the phone. Nice to finally meet in person. Gekko just looks at him for an extra long beat, then... shakes his hand. GORDON GEKKO Yes. They all sit. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Jacob, shall we get some wine? JACOB I don't drink. GORDON GEKKO Oh... okay. Then Gordon attempts a smile over to his daughter. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Let me guess... the ginger garlic lobster. WINNIE (TO JACOB) I used to order that every time. She closes her menu. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm not really hungry. 82. GORDON GEKKO I've been following your career, Winnie. Senator Lehigh said some very nice things about you in The American Prospect interview. WINNIE Yeah. She's really been... very... supportive of my... And it trails off... as she just glares at Gordon. WINNIE (CONT'D) I can't do this. She exhales, stands and looks down to Jacob. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm sorry. I can't do this. And she quickly walks off. Jacob frozen. Until Gordon looks over to him with... GORDON GEKKO It's okay. This is a long term investment. (BEAT) Go after her. She needs you. And Jacob does. As Gordon looks down... disappointed. INT. WEST 65TH - NIGHT Pouring rain. Jacob runs after her. JACOB Winnie... Winnie... He turns her around. WINNIE You don't understand. Her tears being washed away by the rain. WINNIE (CONT'D) My mother couldn't handle Rudy. He was so out of control. I couldn't help him. Jacob takes her into his hold... WINNIE (CONT'D) (RE GEKKO) If he wasn't in prison... if he had been there. I know it would've been different. JACOB Your brother's dead, Winnie. 83. Squeezing her tight... JACOB (CONT'D) Your father isn't. WINNIE He's not the person people think he is. JACOB It was a long time ago. She pulls out of his embrace... WINNIE He'll hurt us. Can't we just go home? Please... Jacob. It's raining. And he just looks at her for a long moment... soaking wet and shivering... crying and exposed. JACOB (what am I doing?) I love you. You don't have to do this. (AND THEN) Let's just go home. INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Darkness. The phone rings. Jacob answers it. JACOB Yes. INTERCUT WITH... BRETTON WOODS Your insurance companies are down. He's working a coffee in the master suite of The Black Swan Home... JACOB Bretton. BRETTON WOODS I want to increase our size. Glancing at the LCD, 12:23am... JACOB Okay. Good. It's just a matter of time before they turn. I'll call the DESKS TOMORROW-- BRETTON WOODS Jacob, I want you to triple our positions on all three. 84. Jacob takes a beat. JACOB Okay. BRETTON WOODS And they better fucking go up. Click. And as Jacob just looks at the phone... GORDON GEKKO (PRELAP) The instant you know you're in trouble is the exact moment when a sound investment thesis turns into blind hope. INT. NORMA'S - MORNING Jacob sits across from Gordon at this well-known breakfast spot in the Parker Meridian hotel. GORDON GEKKO Tripling the size... that's a very aggressive move. Jacob nods. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And I promise you he's using leverage to do this. JACOB He's chasing. Suddenly, a MAN approaches the table. He's in his thirties. TOM Mr Gekko, I'm Tom Sanders. I write for Barrons. GORDON GEKKO I've heard of it. Letting out a little laugh... TOM I'm sure you have. (BEAT) Well, I'm doing a piece of Wall Street moguls who ended up going to prison. I've already talked to Boesky and Milken and would love to sit down with you. GORDON GEKKO Can you give me the cover? Tom isn't sure if Gordon's serious. Either is Jacob. 85. TOM Well, I... um... don't make those decisions. GORDON GEKKO Get me the cover and I'll give you seventy minutes. Tom politely smiles. TOM I'll... take that as a no. ... and goes. Gordon looks down to his breakfast and quietly asserts... GORDON GEKKO (almost to himself) Both those assholes got the cover when they were convicted. And after a moment... JACOB How do we know the insurance companies are going to continue going down? As he casually places his egg on a piece of toast... GORDON GEKKO It's all going down. ... and takes a bite. AND THREE CHARTS NOW FILL THE SCREEN Side by side... above the charts are written respectively MCC, ACN and ISS. And we follow all the three trend lines from Aug 17th forward to the right... and they all move down. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Just wait. And we stop in September. And as a blue circle is formed over Sept 13th on all three charts, we... CUT TO: TIME WARNER CENTER/BALLROOM This is The Financial Follies... an annual event held by the financial writers association. 500 people sit at tables, enjoying this dinner and live show that pokes fun at people in the world of finance. Everyone who's anyone in high finance is here. 86. On the stage, the spotlight finds BILL MAHER and the applause breaks out... BILL MAHER Welcome to the 2008 Financial Follies! (APPLAUDS) I'm Bill Maher and I'm getting paid in Euros. Jacob shares a table with Bretton, Bretton's wife and a few other FINANCIAL PLAYERS. Winnie is not here. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) When The Financial Writers Association asked me to host an event for the world of finance, I was shocked. I'm known in Washington not Wall Street... (BEAT) ... but then they informed me that Washington is actually in the process of buying Wall Street, so it all makes sense. Laughter... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I asked them if anything's off limits. And they said to stay away from the brokerages, banks and insurers... (pause for effect, then...) ... where the fuck was that advice five months ago? More laughter. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I see Sammy Rosen's here. The spotlight finds SAMMY ROSEN, billionaire hedge funder. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Sammy, how are you? From his table... SAMMY ROSEN Doing well. BILL MAHER (to the room) Of course he is... in the amount of time it took for us to have that exchange, he made three hundred and nine thousand dollars. (back to Sammy) Sammy, let me give you some free advice, the next time someone with bad eyesight wants to sell you a hundred and fifty million dollar painting... don't let them personally deliver it. 87. It's an inside joke that this room gets... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Somebody told me Gordon Gekko is here. Gordon... ? Across the room, a spotlight finds Gordon... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) There you are. I have some inside information for you, Gekko... sex sells books, not bread lines. Gordon smiles and raises his glass up to Bill. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Talk about your sour grapes. Seriously Gordon -- just because the SEC doesn't let you make obscene amounts of money by being wrong and nefarious doesn't mean you have to ruin it for all of these hard working people. The room applauds... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Okay, we have a video to show now. It's a very detailed and academic account of the current mortgage crises. Let `er rip! And the room goes dark... and on the screen plays a childlike roughly illustrated stick-figure skit being narrated by children. FIRST FRAME Under the caption "Main Street National Bank" is a drawing of a Poor Man sitting across from a Banker Man behind his desk. POOR MAN I'd like a mortgage... I don't really have any money though... is that cool? BANKER MAN Totally cool. Since housing prices are always going up it won't be a problem. POOR MAN You guys are awesome! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "A few weeks later at the bank..." Banker Man now stands over a pile of steaming shit. 88. BANKER MAN Wow, these mortgages are really beginning to smell. I better sell them to smart people. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Smart People Investment Bank" Smart Man stands over the same steaming pile of shit. SMART MAN Wow, these mortgages we just bought really smell. I better sell them to foreigners. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "The CDO Factory" our smart man oversees an assembly line of stick figure workers. SMART MAN (CONT'D) Mix those crappy mortgages in real good with the clean ones so the rating agencies won't smell them. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Rich Man Hedge Fund" a stick figure named Rich Man sits behind his desk and holds a phone to his ear. RICH MAN Good news, Smart Man, not only did foreigners buy those traunches, but so did school boards and charities and big pensions. (BEAT) Why did they buy them you ask? Well, they were looking for a really secure risk-free investment and they were all triple A, so... NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Norwegian Village Pension Fund" a Norwegian Man sits behind his desk and shouts into his phone. NORWEGIAN MAN Hey man! What the fuck? We're not receiving our monthly payments! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Rich Man Hedge Fund," Rich Man at his desk on the phone. RICH MAN Yeah, we fucked up. 89. And it now shuffles between the last two frames... the Norwegian Man and Rich Man. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the rating agencies? RICH MAN Yeah, they fucked up too. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the investment bank that put these CDO's together? RICH MAN Fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the bank that made the original loan? RICH MAN Totally fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What am I supposed to tell my villagers? RICH MAN That you fucked up. The final frame Just the rendering of that steaming pile of shit under the caption... "The End." And the lights go on to a some subdued laughter and a smattering of applause. BILL MAHER What a year -- enjoy the night! INT. FINANCIAL FOLLIES - LATER Desert is served. Jackets are off, cigars are lit, Bretton's wife has gone home. The group at the table is a little drunk and having a good time. BRETTON WOODS It's a good question... what do you think, George? GEORGE, an investment banker at the table, thinks about it. GEORGE The definition of rich... flying private. The table reacts... some agree, other don't. George turns to Jacob. 90. GEORGE (CONT'D) Jacob... ? What do you think? JACOB To be rich... is to have the love of a good woman. They all boo... JACOB (CONT'D) (with a smile) For real... I truly believe that. And Jacob turns to Bretton... JACOB (CONT'D) Bretton... what's your definition of rich? An approaching voice answers it for him. VOICE (O.S.) To have twice as much money as you currently do. As he takes a seat... GORDON GEKKO Isn't that what you always say, Bretton? Then... announcing to the table... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) He brings up the question, runs it round the table then finishes with that. It's an old bit. Also announcing to the table... BRETTON WOODS Be careful Gordon... (looking at Jacob) ... your daughter's financial health is in my hands now. Jacob loses his smile... suddenly becoming uncomfortable. GORDON GEKKO That's right. (BEAT) And the way The Locust Fund has been buying up the insurance companies lately makes me worried about my future grandchildren's college educations. JACOB (TO BRETTON) I didn't tell him. 91. BRETTON WOODS No, I don't suppose you did. Bretton looks over to Jacob. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Go ahead, Jacob, preach your book... defend your names. And Jacob turns to Gordon... JACOB We have a proactive central bank, the charts show a clear bottom on July 15th and these companies are trading at half of what they were six months ago. GORDON GEKKO Just cause it's low don't make it cheap, Sport. JACOB I read your book. GORDON GEKKO It's not out yet. JACOB I have a friend in publishing. (BEAT) 25% unemployment... stagflation... bread lines... Martial law... government seizures of assets and gold... end of democracy... Bretton leans back... taking in this sparring match. JACOB (CONT'D) Really Gordon? Do you really need attention that badly? GORDON GEKKO Since I have forty-four seconds to spare, I'm going to tell you a story. It's about a guy named Sam. And we go close on Gekko... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Sam used to work a job, he made things and he grew things and he sold those things. Until one day Sam got a credit card and was amazed how easy it was to buy things with it. So Sam got another card and then another. Then he used the credit card money to make it look like he had an income... and he used that "income" to secure a loan. (MORE) 92. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And with that loan Sam bought a fancy BMW car and rented a fancy penthouse apartment. (BEAT) Now, the credit cards hit their limit and the bank needed him to service that loan, so Sam went to his friends. His Chinese friend... and his Japanese friend... and his British friend and so on. And his friends loaned Sam money. (ANOTHER BEAT) And that brings us to today... where Sam owes the credit cards and Sam owes the banks and Sam owes his friends and eventually they're going to take away Sam's fancy BMW car and his fancy penthouse apartment. And Jacob can now see... in Gordon Gekko's eyes... he truly believes every word he's saying. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And Sam doesn't make anything anymore and Sam doesn't grow anything anymore so Sam doesn't sell anything anymore. As he stands... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Our favorite Uncle Sam's desperate, Jake... and he just found a printing press in his basement. (BEAT) So you tell me -- where do we go from here? And with that, Gordon Gekko goes. BRETTON WOODS (RE GEKKO) It is sad isn't it? That he can't just take his ball and go home. (BEAT) That he has to piss on the whole game. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - MORNING Rushed, Jacob heads through the lobby of his building. Diego catches his stride. DIEGO (doing his best Howard COSELL) Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! And Jacob just keeps walking... 93. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - MORNING Jacob heads into the office to find Bretton sitting behind his desk. BRETTON WOODS They're not going to save it. They're just going to let it bloody die! And sure enough... on the tv... Fox Business runs footage of Lehman Brother's demise. On the screen, the chyron screams: $700 BILLION GOVERNMENT BAILOUT TO THE BANKS! ALEXIS GLICK (ON TV) And as another US banking institution collapses, Congress is working quickly on a bailout package that will distribute over three hundred billion dollars to other banks in trouble. Bretton turns off the tv and looks to Jacob with... BRETTON WOODS We're getting fucking killed. And Jacob looks up to his electronic ticker... MCC $18.53 -2.34, ACN $12.04 -1.35, ISS $7.03 -.65. JACOB It's capitulation. Bretton holds Jacob's look... fighting to keep his composure. Until... he simply stands and offers Jacob his desk back. BRETTON WOODS Then buy more. Jacob takes his chair and reaches for the phone. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Cost us down to current levels. Jacob looks up, surprised. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) It's just a question of time before this turns around... right? And he glares at Jacob. JACOB Right. Bretton just stares nervously at the electronic ticker... a frazzled gambler talking himself into his bet. BRETTON WOODS Fuck it. 94. As he goes... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Leverage is sexy. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on Sept 16th then travels down the trend line and stops. And as a circle is formed around the Sept 24th, we... CUT TO: INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT LCD reads 4:43 am. Jacob lays awake... staring at the ceiling. WINNIE (O.S.) I would hear him in the kitchen. Jacob turns to see she's awake. JACOB I'm sorry, you have an early train. I'm going to just go to the office now. She leans up. WINNIE He didn't want to keep my mother awake so he'd go into the kitchen and sit there. I could hear him because my room was right up the back stairs.

lead

How many times the word 'lead' appears in the text?

(CONT'D) Good job, Jacob... And as they head out into the Dubai heat... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.)(PRE-LAP) So he trust you now. EXT. BOWLING GREEN PARK - DAY The iconic charging bull of Wall Street. JACOB (V.O.) I think so. Travel the park to find... Jacob and Gordon stopping at the food vendors. GORDON GEKKO Well, I'm happy to help. (AND THEN) What about your end of the trade, Sport? JACOB Oh... I'm still working on it. (BEAT) I'll talk to her. I promise. GORDON GEKKO (TO VENDOR) Hot dog. (TO JACOB) What do you want? JACOB (TO VENDOR) I'll take a pretzel. As they get their food and walk... GORDON GEKKO So you're a hedge fund cowboy now? Shaking his head... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Goddamn hedge funds -- what a racket. Playing the world casino, betting other people's money with leverage. And it's completely legal and completely unregulated. (MORE) 71. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) The hustles they get away with make insider trading seem like a parking ticket. SLAM INTO THE FRONTIER FUND/TRADING PIT Rows and rows of computers in a large dark room.... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Nassim Tariq and his Frontier Fund. With their slews of MIT grads who become glorified millionaire robots pushing buttons... ... with casually dressed ASIANS and INDIANS in their 20s working the keyboards like zombies. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... slaves to top-secret propriety elegant algorithms that work until they don't. AND SLAM INTO ESSEX CAPITAL ADVISERS/CONFERENCE ROOM A stuffy conference room half-filled with bored MEN in their 40s watching a presentation... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or the baby cub funds like Sammy Rosen's Essex Advisers... filled with Goldman Sachs and Julian Robertson pedigree. Most of the men type on their blackberrys... one is actually asleep. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Men who are way too rich, lazy and tired to run money properly anymore. THEN SLAM INTO THE DANIELS ACTIVIST FUND/ALLAN DANIELS'S OFFICE A small cluttered office with papers strewn about... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or Allan Daniel's and his bully operation. ALLAN DANIELS, a small bull-dog of a man, paces back and forth... dictating in anger. His SECRETARY types down every word he's shouting. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... with his angry letters to company boards that are nothing but veiled threats in the name of activism. AND RIGHT BACK TO BOWLING GREEN PARK Where Gordon stops walking... 72. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) So you're inside... you have his trust... and now you want to know what's next. And Jacob's look over to Gekko confirms this. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Here's the thing about Bretton. He puts all of his money into his own fund which makes him stupid, egotistical, and most importantly... vulnerable. (BEAT) And he chases. He doesn't take losses well and he chases with leverage. He thinks he's a trader, he thinks he's an investor but he's not. He's a gambler. Regarding Jacob... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) That pretzel looks good. Jacob just shrugs. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Care to make a trade? JACOB Whatever. And they trade. The hotdog for the pretzel. GORDON GEKKO As for your end of our trade. (BEAT) Find a way for me to reunite with my daughter, Jake. Because we both know how she would react to the fact that you've been lying to her about bonding with your future father-in-law. Just standing there... holding that hot dog... JACOB Is that a threat? Looking Jacob dead on... GORDON GEKKO Absolutely. Jacob just shakes his head with a laugh... now realizing that Gekko talked him into this position for this exact leverage. JACOB You're priceless, Gordon. 73. With a smile... GORDON GEKKO Just be happy I'm on your team. (AND THEN) Get him into a bad position and watch him chase it. JACOB What bad position? GORDON GEKKO What have I been saying all along, Kid? JACOB Financials. GORDON GEKKO They're a death trap -- mark my words. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As Jacob takes in his new view... it's spectacular. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) But he won't fall for a brokerage or bank play this late in the game. Everyone knows they're poison. AND TIME LAPSE As the office grows furniture... a plasma on the wall... a computer on the desk... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Sell him on insurance. There's a case to be made for those stocks... ill- fated as they may be. ... books on the shelves... pictures on the walls... a couch and table... a paper shredder and waste baskets... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) But take your time... make him think you've been doing your due diligence. Find Jacob at his desk... working away at his computer... it's late at night. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Make it look like you're working your ass off to find him this genius trade... come in early, leave late and don't bring up the idea for at least a few weeks. And Jacob finally gets up from his desk... goes to the window... looking across midtown Manhattan... 74. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) And then Jacob... ... eyes pasted on a building made of glass and steel... a building he once called home... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... sell him hard... then watch him bite... then watch him chase... ... KZI Investments. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... then watch him come undone. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - DAY Holding his suitcase, Jacob emerges from the elevator and heads for a waiting town car. Jacob sees Diego... JACOB Bring it. Diego smiles... loves this new one... DIEGO What's the most dangerous question on Wall Street? JACOB Tell me. DIEGO "How are you?" And Jacob agrees whole-heartedly as he heads on his way. EXT. WASHINGTON DC - MORNING As the sun rises over our nation's capital. EXT. ROCK CREEK PARK - MORNING Winnie and Jacob jog the park through the humid July haze. It's very early. And Jacob stops jogging. Catches his breath. She keeps running. JACOB Why are you with me? She stops and turns back to him. WINNIE What? 75. JACOB You hate finance. You hate Wall Street. Why are you with me? Winnie nods. It's a valid question. And she thinks about it for a moment, then... WINNIE Repetition compulsion. JACOB Huh? WINNIE It's Freud. JACOB And what does it mean, psych major? WINNIE Well, it's when people repeat the same dysfunctional relationships from childhood in their adult life in hopes of trying to master them. JACOB Like when children of alcoholics fall in love with alcoholics. WINNIE Yeah. He turns away... upset. JACOB That's great, Winnie. WINNIE Jacob, that might be why I was initially attracted to you... but it's not why I love you. She moves to him. WINNIE (CONT'D) I love you because you're compassionate and you care so deeply about what you do and you have like no ego, it's crazy. She reaches to him... turning his face to meet hers. WINNIE (CONT'D) And you're the smartest person I've ever met... and there's nobody I trust more in the world. Jacob looks away... almost ashamed. And Winnie can sense something's not right. 76. WINNIE (CONT'D) What's wrong? JACOB Nothing... As Jacob draws in a deep breath, collects himself and finally turns back to her with... JACOB (CONT'D) I just wish you would master that relationship from childhood so you can move forward with this one. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on July 20th then travels down the trend and stops. And as a circle is formed around August 11th, we... CUT TO: EXT. WESTSIDE HIGHWAY- DAY And Manhattan... as it sweats through the heart of summer. Two jetvans ride uptown... INT. JETVAN - DAY As Jacob rides with Bretton... JACOB Bretton... I found something I like. Bretton looks over to him. BRETTON WOODS I've been wondering when my new portfolio manager was going to come to me with something special. JACOB I just wanted to make sure I would be bringing you the smartest idea possible. I know you don't go light. Confirming... BRETTON WOODS That's right. If I commit to this... we go large and we don't back down. JACOB It might be better to do this in the office. I have color and support to PRESENT-- Waving him off... 77. BRETTON WOODS C'mon Jacob, you know that's not how we do. EXT. ADIRONDACK FOREST PRESERVE - DAY 2.7 million acres of State protected majestic land. All nature... rivers and lakes... cypresses and maples. Clean air. And trails. Many trails that go on for miles. As the two Becker jetvans arrive at a restricted area, a STATE RANGER opens the gate and allows them to drive through then park. Jacob and Bretton emerge from the jetvan. BRETTON WOODS This is how we do. And with a nod, the DRIVER of the other jetvan opens it to reveal two motorcycles inside. Bretton's MTT Turbine Superbike and an Agusta, these bikes are handcrafted works of art as much as they are demons of speed. Jacob laughs in disbelief and excitement. JACOB And we're allowed to ride these through here? Sucking in the fresh summer air... BRETTON WOODS No. AND JACOB AND BRETTON Now decked out in leather riding gear... on the bikes... at the mouth of the trail... revving the engines... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Follow me... And with that, shoots into the forest. Jacob quickly follows. AND THEY RIDE Winding through the trees... along the side of a river... Bretton riding extremely fast with Jacob trying to keep up. Bretton reaches a clearing and waits for Jacob to catch up. Once he does... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) You're going to have to keep up. JACOB Okay. I'm just getting used to it. 78. BRETTON WOODS Tell me your idea. JACOB Here? BRETTON WOODS Where else? JACOB Right. Okay. (COLLECTING HIMSELF) Are you still short any of the financials? BRETTON WOODS No. After KZI, I took profits. JACOB I think it's time to go the other way. BRETTON WOODS Banks? JACOB Insurance companies. I'm talking the old school insurers that have become the babies thrown out with the bath water. Jacob waits for a reaction from Bretton. But all he gets is... BRETTON WOODS Keep up! And with that, Bretton rips into the clearing. Jacob rides just as fast. They're neck and neck... it's definitely a race. Bretton pulls ahead but Jacob doesn't give up. As they move quickly toward a patch of forest with a only narrow trail entering it, Jacob focuses on the horizon and revs the bike into more speed. He pulls up next to Bretton as they approach the trail. If Jacob doesn't slow down, and fall in line behind Bretton, he's going to hit the trees. But he doesn't. Instead, Jacob blasts the bike into its final dose of speed, narrowly avoiding impact by zipping into the trail... pulling ahead of Bretton and taking the lead. A TRANQUIL LAKE As it sits still in the setting sun. Untouched by man. Bretton and Jacob get off the bikes and walk to the shore. As they catch their breaths and enjoy the beauty... 79. JACOB The basket of stocks I'm putting together focuses on reinsurance brokering and management services for businesses. They're trading below book and have large dividends. (BEAT) I say we buy them here. Bretton thinks about it. He's not sure. BRETTON WOODS Financials are a falling knife. Jacob nods... JACOB I'm not arguing that... but the best opportunities are found where angels fear to tread. Jacob can see... he has Bretton on the hook. JACOB (CONT'D) So yeah -- they are falling knives. But Bretton... And with confidence... driving it home... JACOB (CONT'D) ... what's life without a little blood on your hands? INT. JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As WORKERS install an electronic ticker that wraps around the top circumference of the whole office... similar to the one Andrew Zabel had. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) Okay. Then I want you to build positions in your favorite three names. Jacob picks up the phone and... THE SCREEN SPLITS IN TWO With Jacob on top and Robby on the bottom. As Robby takes the order and starts typing into his Bloomberg... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I want you stealth. Use all six trading desks we're in business with. NOW ROBBY'S HALF OF THE SCREEN SPLITS INTO 6 SMALL BOXES 80. Six different trading desks... six different BROKERS taking calls from Jacob who still owns the whole top half of the screen. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) And if they go down... we increase our size. AND BACK TO JACOB Leaning back... feet on desk... staring at the ticker... which only has three stocks on it... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) See Jacob -- I don't believe in "wrong." MCC at $21.65, ACN at $16.24 and ISS at $7.23. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I only believe in "not right yet." EXT. UPPER WEST SIDE - NIGHT A rainstorm takes over the city. A cab pulls out front of Shun Lee Cafe. INT. TAXI - NIGHT Winnie sucks in a deep breath. WINNIE He chose this restaurant. Jacob confirms. WINNIE (CONT'D) We used to come here every Sunday night. He takes her hand. JACOB You're going to be fine. WINNIE I'm only doing this for you. JACOB No. You're doing this for you. She just glares at him. WINNIE We're never having sex again. JACOB Then what my friends say about marriage will be true. 81. And she nervously fights back a smile... WINNIE Oh, shut up. INT. SHUN LEE CAFE - NIGHT The HOST leads Winnie and Jacob through the grand dining room. Gordon sees them and stands up. We can tell he's anxious as well. GORDON GEKKO Hi. Fighting back the nerves... WINNIE Hey. They just stand there. Jacob holds out his hand. JACOB Mr. Gekko, I'm Jacob Moore, we spoke on the phone. Nice to finally meet in person. Gekko just looks at him for an extra long beat, then... shakes his hand. GORDON GEKKO Yes. They all sit. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Jacob, shall we get some wine? JACOB I don't drink. GORDON GEKKO Oh... okay. Then Gordon attempts a smile over to his daughter. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Let me guess... the ginger garlic lobster. WINNIE (TO JACOB) I used to order that every time. She closes her menu. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm not really hungry. 82. GORDON GEKKO I've been following your career, Winnie. Senator Lehigh said some very nice things about you in The American Prospect interview. WINNIE Yeah. She's really been... very... supportive of my... And it trails off... as she just glares at Gordon. WINNIE (CONT'D) I can't do this. She exhales, stands and looks down to Jacob. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm sorry. I can't do this. And she quickly walks off. Jacob frozen. Until Gordon looks over to him with... GORDON GEKKO It's okay. This is a long term investment. (BEAT) Go after her. She needs you. And Jacob does. As Gordon looks down... disappointed. INT. WEST 65TH - NIGHT Pouring rain. Jacob runs after her. JACOB Winnie... Winnie... He turns her around. WINNIE You don't understand. Her tears being washed away by the rain. WINNIE (CONT'D) My mother couldn't handle Rudy. He was so out of control. I couldn't help him. Jacob takes her into his hold... WINNIE (CONT'D) (RE GEKKO) If he wasn't in prison... if he had been there. I know it would've been different. JACOB Your brother's dead, Winnie. 83. Squeezing her tight... JACOB (CONT'D) Your father isn't. WINNIE He's not the person people think he is. JACOB It was a long time ago. She pulls out of his embrace... WINNIE He'll hurt us. Can't we just go home? Please... Jacob. It's raining. And he just looks at her for a long moment... soaking wet and shivering... crying and exposed. JACOB (what am I doing?) I love you. You don't have to do this. (AND THEN) Let's just go home. INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Darkness. The phone rings. Jacob answers it. JACOB Yes. INTERCUT WITH... BRETTON WOODS Your insurance companies are down. He's working a coffee in the master suite of The Black Swan Home... JACOB Bretton. BRETTON WOODS I want to increase our size. Glancing at the LCD, 12:23am... JACOB Okay. Good. It's just a matter of time before they turn. I'll call the DESKS TOMORROW-- BRETTON WOODS Jacob, I want you to triple our positions on all three. 84. Jacob takes a beat. JACOB Okay. BRETTON WOODS And they better fucking go up. Click. And as Jacob just looks at the phone... GORDON GEKKO (PRELAP) The instant you know you're in trouble is the exact moment when a sound investment thesis turns into blind hope. INT. NORMA'S - MORNING Jacob sits across from Gordon at this well-known breakfast spot in the Parker Meridian hotel. GORDON GEKKO Tripling the size... that's a very aggressive move. Jacob nods. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And I promise you he's using leverage to do this. JACOB He's chasing. Suddenly, a MAN approaches the table. He's in his thirties. TOM Mr Gekko, I'm Tom Sanders. I write for Barrons. GORDON GEKKO I've heard of it. Letting out a little laugh... TOM I'm sure you have. (BEAT) Well, I'm doing a piece of Wall Street moguls who ended up going to prison. I've already talked to Boesky and Milken and would love to sit down with you. GORDON GEKKO Can you give me the cover? Tom isn't sure if Gordon's serious. Either is Jacob. 85. TOM Well, I... um... don't make those decisions. GORDON GEKKO Get me the cover and I'll give you seventy minutes. Tom politely smiles. TOM I'll... take that as a no. ... and goes. Gordon looks down to his breakfast and quietly asserts... GORDON GEKKO (almost to himself) Both those assholes got the cover when they were convicted. And after a moment... JACOB How do we know the insurance companies are going to continue going down? As he casually places his egg on a piece of toast... GORDON GEKKO It's all going down. ... and takes a bite. AND THREE CHARTS NOW FILL THE SCREEN Side by side... above the charts are written respectively MCC, ACN and ISS. And we follow all the three trend lines from Aug 17th forward to the right... and they all move down. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Just wait. And we stop in September. And as a blue circle is formed over Sept 13th on all three charts, we... CUT TO: TIME WARNER CENTER/BALLROOM This is The Financial Follies... an annual event held by the financial writers association. 500 people sit at tables, enjoying this dinner and live show that pokes fun at people in the world of finance. Everyone who's anyone in high finance is here. 86. On the stage, the spotlight finds BILL MAHER and the applause breaks out... BILL MAHER Welcome to the 2008 Financial Follies! (APPLAUDS) I'm Bill Maher and I'm getting paid in Euros. Jacob shares a table with Bretton, Bretton's wife and a few other FINANCIAL PLAYERS. Winnie is not here. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) When The Financial Writers Association asked me to host an event for the world of finance, I was shocked. I'm known in Washington not Wall Street... (BEAT) ... but then they informed me that Washington is actually in the process of buying Wall Street, so it all makes sense. Laughter... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I asked them if anything's off limits. And they said to stay away from the brokerages, banks and insurers... (pause for effect, then...) ... where the fuck was that advice five months ago? More laughter. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I see Sammy Rosen's here. The spotlight finds SAMMY ROSEN, billionaire hedge funder. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Sammy, how are you? From his table... SAMMY ROSEN Doing well. BILL MAHER (to the room) Of course he is... in the amount of time it took for us to have that exchange, he made three hundred and nine thousand dollars. (back to Sammy) Sammy, let me give you some free advice, the next time someone with bad eyesight wants to sell you a hundred and fifty million dollar painting... don't let them personally deliver it. 87. It's an inside joke that this room gets... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Somebody told me Gordon Gekko is here. Gordon... ? Across the room, a spotlight finds Gordon... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) There you are. I have some inside information for you, Gekko... sex sells books, not bread lines. Gordon smiles and raises his glass up to Bill. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Talk about your sour grapes. Seriously Gordon -- just because the SEC doesn't let you make obscene amounts of money by being wrong and nefarious doesn't mean you have to ruin it for all of these hard working people. The room applauds... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Okay, we have a video to show now. It's a very detailed and academic account of the current mortgage crises. Let `er rip! And the room goes dark... and on the screen plays a childlike roughly illustrated stick-figure skit being narrated by children. FIRST FRAME Under the caption "Main Street National Bank" is a drawing of a Poor Man sitting across from a Banker Man behind his desk. POOR MAN I'd like a mortgage... I don't really have any money though... is that cool? BANKER MAN Totally cool. Since housing prices are always going up it won't be a problem. POOR MAN You guys are awesome! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "A few weeks later at the bank..." Banker Man now stands over a pile of steaming shit. 88. BANKER MAN Wow, these mortgages are really beginning to smell. I better sell them to smart people. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Smart People Investment Bank" Smart Man stands over the same steaming pile of shit. SMART MAN Wow, these mortgages we just bought really smell. I better sell them to foreigners. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "The CDO Factory" our smart man oversees an assembly line of stick figure workers. SMART MAN (CONT'D) Mix those crappy mortgages in real good with the clean ones so the rating agencies won't smell them. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Rich Man Hedge Fund" a stick figure named Rich Man sits behind his desk and holds a phone to his ear. RICH MAN Good news, Smart Man, not only did foreigners buy those traunches, but so did school boards and charities and big pensions. (BEAT) Why did they buy them you ask? Well, they were looking for a really secure risk-free investment and they were all triple A, so... NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Norwegian Village Pension Fund" a Norwegian Man sits behind his desk and shouts into his phone. NORWEGIAN MAN Hey man! What the fuck? We're not receiving our monthly payments! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Rich Man Hedge Fund," Rich Man at his desk on the phone. RICH MAN Yeah, we fucked up. 89. And it now shuffles between the last two frames... the Norwegian Man and Rich Man. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the rating agencies? RICH MAN Yeah, they fucked up too. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the investment bank that put these CDO's together? RICH MAN Fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the bank that made the original loan? RICH MAN Totally fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What am I supposed to tell my villagers? RICH MAN That you fucked up. The final frame Just the rendering of that steaming pile of shit under the caption... "The End." And the lights go on to a some subdued laughter and a smattering of applause. BILL MAHER What a year -- enjoy the night! INT. FINANCIAL FOLLIES - LATER Desert is served. Jackets are off, cigars are lit, Bretton's wife has gone home. The group at the table is a little drunk and having a good time. BRETTON WOODS It's a good question... what do you think, George? GEORGE, an investment banker at the table, thinks about it. GEORGE The definition of rich... flying private. The table reacts... some agree, other don't. George turns to Jacob. 90. GEORGE (CONT'D) Jacob... ? What do you think? JACOB To be rich... is to have the love of a good woman. They all boo... JACOB (CONT'D) (with a smile) For real... I truly believe that. And Jacob turns to Bretton... JACOB (CONT'D) Bretton... what's your definition of rich? An approaching voice answers it for him. VOICE (O.S.) To have twice as much money as you currently do. As he takes a seat... GORDON GEKKO Isn't that what you always say, Bretton? Then... announcing to the table... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) He brings up the question, runs it round the table then finishes with that. It's an old bit. Also announcing to the table... BRETTON WOODS Be careful Gordon... (looking at Jacob) ... your daughter's financial health is in my hands now. Jacob loses his smile... suddenly becoming uncomfortable. GORDON GEKKO That's right. (BEAT) And the way The Locust Fund has been buying up the insurance companies lately makes me worried about my future grandchildren's college educations. JACOB (TO BRETTON) I didn't tell him. 91. BRETTON WOODS No, I don't suppose you did. Bretton looks over to Jacob. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Go ahead, Jacob, preach your book... defend your names. And Jacob turns to Gordon... JACOB We have a proactive central bank, the charts show a clear bottom on July 15th and these companies are trading at half of what they were six months ago. GORDON GEKKO Just cause it's low don't make it cheap, Sport. JACOB I read your book. GORDON GEKKO It's not out yet. JACOB I have a friend in publishing. (BEAT) 25% unemployment... stagflation... bread lines... Martial law... government seizures of assets and gold... end of democracy... Bretton leans back... taking in this sparring match. JACOB (CONT'D) Really Gordon? Do you really need attention that badly? GORDON GEKKO Since I have forty-four seconds to spare, I'm going to tell you a story. It's about a guy named Sam. And we go close on Gekko... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Sam used to work a job, he made things and he grew things and he sold those things. Until one day Sam got a credit card and was amazed how easy it was to buy things with it. So Sam got another card and then another. Then he used the credit card money to make it look like he had an income... and he used that "income" to secure a loan. (MORE) 92. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And with that loan Sam bought a fancy BMW car and rented a fancy penthouse apartment. (BEAT) Now, the credit cards hit their limit and the bank needed him to service that loan, so Sam went to his friends. His Chinese friend... and his Japanese friend... and his British friend and so on. And his friends loaned Sam money. (ANOTHER BEAT) And that brings us to today... where Sam owes the credit cards and Sam owes the banks and Sam owes his friends and eventually they're going to take away Sam's fancy BMW car and his fancy penthouse apartment. And Jacob can now see... in Gordon Gekko's eyes... he truly believes every word he's saying. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And Sam doesn't make anything anymore and Sam doesn't grow anything anymore so Sam doesn't sell anything anymore. As he stands... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Our favorite Uncle Sam's desperate, Jake... and he just found a printing press in his basement. (BEAT) So you tell me -- where do we go from here? And with that, Gordon Gekko goes. BRETTON WOODS (RE GEKKO) It is sad isn't it? That he can't just take his ball and go home. (BEAT) That he has to piss on the whole game. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - MORNING Rushed, Jacob heads through the lobby of his building. Diego catches his stride. DIEGO (doing his best Howard COSELL) Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! And Jacob just keeps walking... 93. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - MORNING Jacob heads into the office to find Bretton sitting behind his desk. BRETTON WOODS They're not going to save it. They're just going to let it bloody die! And sure enough... on the tv... Fox Business runs footage of Lehman Brother's demise. On the screen, the chyron screams: $700 BILLION GOVERNMENT BAILOUT TO THE BANKS! ALEXIS GLICK (ON TV) And as another US banking institution collapses, Congress is working quickly on a bailout package that will distribute over three hundred billion dollars to other banks in trouble. Bretton turns off the tv and looks to Jacob with... BRETTON WOODS We're getting fucking killed. And Jacob looks up to his electronic ticker... MCC $18.53 -2.34, ACN $12.04 -1.35, ISS $7.03 -.65. JACOB It's capitulation. Bretton holds Jacob's look... fighting to keep his composure. Until... he simply stands and offers Jacob his desk back. BRETTON WOODS Then buy more. Jacob takes his chair and reaches for the phone. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Cost us down to current levels. Jacob looks up, surprised. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) It's just a question of time before this turns around... right? And he glares at Jacob. JACOB Right. Bretton just stares nervously at the electronic ticker... a frazzled gambler talking himself into his bet. BRETTON WOODS Fuck it. 94. As he goes... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Leverage is sexy. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on Sept 16th then travels down the trend line and stops. And as a circle is formed around the Sept 24th, we... CUT TO: INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT LCD reads 4:43 am. Jacob lays awake... staring at the ceiling. WINNIE (O.S.) I would hear him in the kitchen. Jacob turns to see she's awake. JACOB I'm sorry, you have an early train. I'm going to just go to the office now. She leans up. WINNIE He didn't want to keep my mother awake so he'd go into the kitchen and sit there. I could hear him because my room was right up the back stairs.

stocks

How many times the word 'stocks' appears in the text?

(CONT'D) Good job, Jacob... And as they head out into the Dubai heat... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.)(PRE-LAP) So he trust you now. EXT. BOWLING GREEN PARK - DAY The iconic charging bull of Wall Street. JACOB (V.O.) I think so. Travel the park to find... Jacob and Gordon stopping at the food vendors. GORDON GEKKO Well, I'm happy to help. (AND THEN) What about your end of the trade, Sport? JACOB Oh... I'm still working on it. (BEAT) I'll talk to her. I promise. GORDON GEKKO (TO VENDOR) Hot dog. (TO JACOB) What do you want? JACOB (TO VENDOR) I'll take a pretzel. As they get their food and walk... GORDON GEKKO So you're a hedge fund cowboy now? Shaking his head... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Goddamn hedge funds -- what a racket. Playing the world casino, betting other people's money with leverage. And it's completely legal and completely unregulated. (MORE) 71. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) The hustles they get away with make insider trading seem like a parking ticket. SLAM INTO THE FRONTIER FUND/TRADING PIT Rows and rows of computers in a large dark room.... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Nassim Tariq and his Frontier Fund. With their slews of MIT grads who become glorified millionaire robots pushing buttons... ... with casually dressed ASIANS and INDIANS in their 20s working the keyboards like zombies. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... slaves to top-secret propriety elegant algorithms that work until they don't. AND SLAM INTO ESSEX CAPITAL ADVISERS/CONFERENCE ROOM A stuffy conference room half-filled with bored MEN in their 40s watching a presentation... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or the baby cub funds like Sammy Rosen's Essex Advisers... filled with Goldman Sachs and Julian Robertson pedigree. Most of the men type on their blackberrys... one is actually asleep. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Men who are way too rich, lazy and tired to run money properly anymore. THEN SLAM INTO THE DANIELS ACTIVIST FUND/ALLAN DANIELS'S OFFICE A small cluttered office with papers strewn about... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or Allan Daniel's and his bully operation. ALLAN DANIELS, a small bull-dog of a man, paces back and forth... dictating in anger. His SECRETARY types down every word he's shouting. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... with his angry letters to company boards that are nothing but veiled threats in the name of activism. AND RIGHT BACK TO BOWLING GREEN PARK Where Gordon stops walking... 72. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) So you're inside... you have his trust... and now you want to know what's next. And Jacob's look over to Gekko confirms this. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Here's the thing about Bretton. He puts all of his money into his own fund which makes him stupid, egotistical, and most importantly... vulnerable. (BEAT) And he chases. He doesn't take losses well and he chases with leverage. He thinks he's a trader, he thinks he's an investor but he's not. He's a gambler. Regarding Jacob... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) That pretzel looks good. Jacob just shrugs. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Care to make a trade? JACOB Whatever. And they trade. The hotdog for the pretzel. GORDON GEKKO As for your end of our trade. (BEAT) Find a way for me to reunite with my daughter, Jake. Because we both know how she would react to the fact that you've been lying to her about bonding with your future father-in-law. Just standing there... holding that hot dog... JACOB Is that a threat? Looking Jacob dead on... GORDON GEKKO Absolutely. Jacob just shakes his head with a laugh... now realizing that Gekko talked him into this position for this exact leverage. JACOB You're priceless, Gordon. 73. With a smile... GORDON GEKKO Just be happy I'm on your team. (AND THEN) Get him into a bad position and watch him chase it. JACOB What bad position? GORDON GEKKO What have I been saying all along, Kid? JACOB Financials. GORDON GEKKO They're a death trap -- mark my words. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As Jacob takes in his new view... it's spectacular. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) But he won't fall for a brokerage or bank play this late in the game. Everyone knows they're poison. AND TIME LAPSE As the office grows furniture... a plasma on the wall... a computer on the desk... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Sell him on insurance. There's a case to be made for those stocks... ill- fated as they may be. ... books on the shelves... pictures on the walls... a couch and table... a paper shredder and waste baskets... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) But take your time... make him think you've been doing your due diligence. Find Jacob at his desk... working away at his computer... it's late at night. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Make it look like you're working your ass off to find him this genius trade... come in early, leave late and don't bring up the idea for at least a few weeks. And Jacob finally gets up from his desk... goes to the window... looking across midtown Manhattan... 74. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) And then Jacob... ... eyes pasted on a building made of glass and steel... a building he once called home... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... sell him hard... then watch him bite... then watch him chase... ... KZI Investments. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... then watch him come undone. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - DAY Holding his suitcase, Jacob emerges from the elevator and heads for a waiting town car. Jacob sees Diego... JACOB Bring it. Diego smiles... loves this new one... DIEGO What's the most dangerous question on Wall Street? JACOB Tell me. DIEGO "How are you?" And Jacob agrees whole-heartedly as he heads on his way. EXT. WASHINGTON DC - MORNING As the sun rises over our nation's capital. EXT. ROCK CREEK PARK - MORNING Winnie and Jacob jog the park through the humid July haze. It's very early. And Jacob stops jogging. Catches his breath. She keeps running. JACOB Why are you with me? She stops and turns back to him. WINNIE What? 75. JACOB You hate finance. You hate Wall Street. Why are you with me? Winnie nods. It's a valid question. And she thinks about it for a moment, then... WINNIE Repetition compulsion. JACOB Huh? WINNIE It's Freud. JACOB And what does it mean, psych major? WINNIE Well, it's when people repeat the same dysfunctional relationships from childhood in their adult life in hopes of trying to master them. JACOB Like when children of alcoholics fall in love with alcoholics. WINNIE Yeah. He turns away... upset. JACOB That's great, Winnie. WINNIE Jacob, that might be why I was initially attracted to you... but it's not why I love you. She moves to him. WINNIE (CONT'D) I love you because you're compassionate and you care so deeply about what you do and you have like no ego, it's crazy. She reaches to him... turning his face to meet hers. WINNIE (CONT'D) And you're the smartest person I've ever met... and there's nobody I trust more in the world. Jacob looks away... almost ashamed. And Winnie can sense something's not right. 76. WINNIE (CONT'D) What's wrong? JACOB Nothing... As Jacob draws in a deep breath, collects himself and finally turns back to her with... JACOB (CONT'D) I just wish you would master that relationship from childhood so you can move forward with this one. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on July 20th then travels down the trend and stops. And as a circle is formed around August 11th, we... CUT TO: EXT. WESTSIDE HIGHWAY- DAY And Manhattan... as it sweats through the heart of summer. Two jetvans ride uptown... INT. JETVAN - DAY As Jacob rides with Bretton... JACOB Bretton... I found something I like. Bretton looks over to him. BRETTON WOODS I've been wondering when my new portfolio manager was going to come to me with something special. JACOB I just wanted to make sure I would be bringing you the smartest idea possible. I know you don't go light. Confirming... BRETTON WOODS That's right. If I commit to this... we go large and we don't back down. JACOB It might be better to do this in the office. I have color and support to PRESENT-- Waving him off... 77. BRETTON WOODS C'mon Jacob, you know that's not how we do. EXT. ADIRONDACK FOREST PRESERVE - DAY 2.7 million acres of State protected majestic land. All nature... rivers and lakes... cypresses and maples. Clean air. And trails. Many trails that go on for miles. As the two Becker jetvans arrive at a restricted area, a STATE RANGER opens the gate and allows them to drive through then park. Jacob and Bretton emerge from the jetvan. BRETTON WOODS This is how we do. And with a nod, the DRIVER of the other jetvan opens it to reveal two motorcycles inside. Bretton's MTT Turbine Superbike and an Agusta, these bikes are handcrafted works of art as much as they are demons of speed. Jacob laughs in disbelief and excitement. JACOB And we're allowed to ride these through here? Sucking in the fresh summer air... BRETTON WOODS No. AND JACOB AND BRETTON Now decked out in leather riding gear... on the bikes... at the mouth of the trail... revving the engines... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Follow me... And with that, shoots into the forest. Jacob quickly follows. AND THEY RIDE Winding through the trees... along the side of a river... Bretton riding extremely fast with Jacob trying to keep up. Bretton reaches a clearing and waits for Jacob to catch up. Once he does... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) You're going to have to keep up. JACOB Okay. I'm just getting used to it. 78. BRETTON WOODS Tell me your idea. JACOB Here? BRETTON WOODS Where else? JACOB Right. Okay. (COLLECTING HIMSELF) Are you still short any of the financials? BRETTON WOODS No. After KZI, I took profits. JACOB I think it's time to go the other way. BRETTON WOODS Banks? JACOB Insurance companies. I'm talking the old school insurers that have become the babies thrown out with the bath water. Jacob waits for a reaction from Bretton. But all he gets is... BRETTON WOODS Keep up! And with that, Bretton rips into the clearing. Jacob rides just as fast. They're neck and neck... it's definitely a race. Bretton pulls ahead but Jacob doesn't give up. As they move quickly toward a patch of forest with a only narrow trail entering it, Jacob focuses on the horizon and revs the bike into more speed. He pulls up next to Bretton as they approach the trail. If Jacob doesn't slow down, and fall in line behind Bretton, he's going to hit the trees. But he doesn't. Instead, Jacob blasts the bike into its final dose of speed, narrowly avoiding impact by zipping into the trail... pulling ahead of Bretton and taking the lead. A TRANQUIL LAKE As it sits still in the setting sun. Untouched by man. Bretton and Jacob get off the bikes and walk to the shore. As they catch their breaths and enjoy the beauty... 79. JACOB The basket of stocks I'm putting together focuses on reinsurance brokering and management services for businesses. They're trading below book and have large dividends. (BEAT) I say we buy them here. Bretton thinks about it. He's not sure. BRETTON WOODS Financials are a falling knife. Jacob nods... JACOB I'm not arguing that... but the best opportunities are found where angels fear to tread. Jacob can see... he has Bretton on the hook. JACOB (CONT'D) So yeah -- they are falling knives. But Bretton... And with confidence... driving it home... JACOB (CONT'D) ... what's life without a little blood on your hands? INT. JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As WORKERS install an electronic ticker that wraps around the top circumference of the whole office... similar to the one Andrew Zabel had. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) Okay. Then I want you to build positions in your favorite three names. Jacob picks up the phone and... THE SCREEN SPLITS IN TWO With Jacob on top and Robby on the bottom. As Robby takes the order and starts typing into his Bloomberg... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I want you stealth. Use all six trading desks we're in business with. NOW ROBBY'S HALF OF THE SCREEN SPLITS INTO 6 SMALL BOXES 80. Six different trading desks... six different BROKERS taking calls from Jacob who still owns the whole top half of the screen. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) And if they go down... we increase our size. AND BACK TO JACOB Leaning back... feet on desk... staring at the ticker... which only has three stocks on it... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) See Jacob -- I don't believe in "wrong." MCC at $21.65, ACN at $16.24 and ISS at $7.23. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I only believe in "not right yet." EXT. UPPER WEST SIDE - NIGHT A rainstorm takes over the city. A cab pulls out front of Shun Lee Cafe. INT. TAXI - NIGHT Winnie sucks in a deep breath. WINNIE He chose this restaurant. Jacob confirms. WINNIE (CONT'D) We used to come here every Sunday night. He takes her hand. JACOB You're going to be fine. WINNIE I'm only doing this for you. JACOB No. You're doing this for you. She just glares at him. WINNIE We're never having sex again. JACOB Then what my friends say about marriage will be true. 81. And she nervously fights back a smile... WINNIE Oh, shut up. INT. SHUN LEE CAFE - NIGHT The HOST leads Winnie and Jacob through the grand dining room. Gordon sees them and stands up. We can tell he's anxious as well. GORDON GEKKO Hi. Fighting back the nerves... WINNIE Hey. They just stand there. Jacob holds out his hand. JACOB Mr. Gekko, I'm Jacob Moore, we spoke on the phone. Nice to finally meet in person. Gekko just looks at him for an extra long beat, then... shakes his hand. GORDON GEKKO Yes. They all sit. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Jacob, shall we get some wine? JACOB I don't drink. GORDON GEKKO Oh... okay. Then Gordon attempts a smile over to his daughter. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Let me guess... the ginger garlic lobster. WINNIE (TO JACOB) I used to order that every time. She closes her menu. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm not really hungry. 82. GORDON GEKKO I've been following your career, Winnie. Senator Lehigh said some very nice things about you in The American Prospect interview. WINNIE Yeah. She's really been... very... supportive of my... And it trails off... as she just glares at Gordon. WINNIE (CONT'D) I can't do this. She exhales, stands and looks down to Jacob. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm sorry. I can't do this. And she quickly walks off. Jacob frozen. Until Gordon looks over to him with... GORDON GEKKO It's okay. This is a long term investment. (BEAT) Go after her. She needs you. And Jacob does. As Gordon looks down... disappointed. INT. WEST 65TH - NIGHT Pouring rain. Jacob runs after her. JACOB Winnie... Winnie... He turns her around. WINNIE You don't understand. Her tears being washed away by the rain. WINNIE (CONT'D) My mother couldn't handle Rudy. He was so out of control. I couldn't help him. Jacob takes her into his hold... WINNIE (CONT'D) (RE GEKKO) If he wasn't in prison... if he had been there. I know it would've been different. JACOB Your brother's dead, Winnie. 83. Squeezing her tight... JACOB (CONT'D) Your father isn't. WINNIE He's not the person people think he is. JACOB It was a long time ago. She pulls out of his embrace... WINNIE He'll hurt us. Can't we just go home? Please... Jacob. It's raining. And he just looks at her for a long moment... soaking wet and shivering... crying and exposed. JACOB (what am I doing?) I love you. You don't have to do this. (AND THEN) Let's just go home. INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Darkness. The phone rings. Jacob answers it. JACOB Yes. INTERCUT WITH... BRETTON WOODS Your insurance companies are down. He's working a coffee in the master suite of The Black Swan Home... JACOB Bretton. BRETTON WOODS I want to increase our size. Glancing at the LCD, 12:23am... JACOB Okay. Good. It's just a matter of time before they turn. I'll call the DESKS TOMORROW-- BRETTON WOODS Jacob, I want you to triple our positions on all three. 84. Jacob takes a beat. JACOB Okay. BRETTON WOODS And they better fucking go up. Click. And as Jacob just looks at the phone... GORDON GEKKO (PRELAP) The instant you know you're in trouble is the exact moment when a sound investment thesis turns into blind hope. INT. NORMA'S - MORNING Jacob sits across from Gordon at this well-known breakfast spot in the Parker Meridian hotel. GORDON GEKKO Tripling the size... that's a very aggressive move. Jacob nods. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And I promise you he's using leverage to do this. JACOB He's chasing. Suddenly, a MAN approaches the table. He's in his thirties. TOM Mr Gekko, I'm Tom Sanders. I write for Barrons. GORDON GEKKO I've heard of it. Letting out a little laugh... TOM I'm sure you have. (BEAT) Well, I'm doing a piece of Wall Street moguls who ended up going to prison. I've already talked to Boesky and Milken and would love to sit down with you. GORDON GEKKO Can you give me the cover? Tom isn't sure if Gordon's serious. Either is Jacob. 85. TOM Well, I... um... don't make those decisions. GORDON GEKKO Get me the cover and I'll give you seventy minutes. Tom politely smiles. TOM I'll... take that as a no. ... and goes. Gordon looks down to his breakfast and quietly asserts... GORDON GEKKO (almost to himself) Both those assholes got the cover when they were convicted. And after a moment... JACOB How do we know the insurance companies are going to continue going down? As he casually places his egg on a piece of toast... GORDON GEKKO It's all going down. ... and takes a bite. AND THREE CHARTS NOW FILL THE SCREEN Side by side... above the charts are written respectively MCC, ACN and ISS. And we follow all the three trend lines from Aug 17th forward to the right... and they all move down. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Just wait. And we stop in September. And as a blue circle is formed over Sept 13th on all three charts, we... CUT TO: TIME WARNER CENTER/BALLROOM This is The Financial Follies... an annual event held by the financial writers association. 500 people sit at tables, enjoying this dinner and live show that pokes fun at people in the world of finance. Everyone who's anyone in high finance is here. 86. On the stage, the spotlight finds BILL MAHER and the applause breaks out... BILL MAHER Welcome to the 2008 Financial Follies! (APPLAUDS) I'm Bill Maher and I'm getting paid in Euros. Jacob shares a table with Bretton, Bretton's wife and a few other FINANCIAL PLAYERS. Winnie is not here. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) When The Financial Writers Association asked me to host an event for the world of finance, I was shocked. I'm known in Washington not Wall Street... (BEAT) ... but then they informed me that Washington is actually in the process of buying Wall Street, so it all makes sense. Laughter... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I asked them if anything's off limits. And they said to stay away from the brokerages, banks and insurers... (pause for effect, then...) ... where the fuck was that advice five months ago? More laughter. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I see Sammy Rosen's here. The spotlight finds SAMMY ROSEN, billionaire hedge funder. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Sammy, how are you? From his table... SAMMY ROSEN Doing well. BILL MAHER (to the room) Of course he is... in the amount of time it took for us to have that exchange, he made three hundred and nine thousand dollars. (back to Sammy) Sammy, let me give you some free advice, the next time someone with bad eyesight wants to sell you a hundred and fifty million dollar painting... don't let them personally deliver it. 87. It's an inside joke that this room gets... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Somebody told me Gordon Gekko is here. Gordon... ? Across the room, a spotlight finds Gordon... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) There you are. I have some inside information for you, Gekko... sex sells books, not bread lines. Gordon smiles and raises his glass up to Bill. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Talk about your sour grapes. Seriously Gordon -- just because the SEC doesn't let you make obscene amounts of money by being wrong and nefarious doesn't mean you have to ruin it for all of these hard working people. The room applauds... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Okay, we have a video to show now. It's a very detailed and academic account of the current mortgage crises. Let `er rip! And the room goes dark... and on the screen plays a childlike roughly illustrated stick-figure skit being narrated by children. FIRST FRAME Under the caption "Main Street National Bank" is a drawing of a Poor Man sitting across from a Banker Man behind his desk. POOR MAN I'd like a mortgage... I don't really have any money though... is that cool? BANKER MAN Totally cool. Since housing prices are always going up it won't be a problem. POOR MAN You guys are awesome! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "A few weeks later at the bank..." Banker Man now stands over a pile of steaming shit. 88. BANKER MAN Wow, these mortgages are really beginning to smell. I better sell them to smart people. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Smart People Investment Bank" Smart Man stands over the same steaming pile of shit. SMART MAN Wow, these mortgages we just bought really smell. I better sell them to foreigners. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "The CDO Factory" our smart man oversees an assembly line of stick figure workers. SMART MAN (CONT'D) Mix those crappy mortgages in real good with the clean ones so the rating agencies won't smell them. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Rich Man Hedge Fund" a stick figure named Rich Man sits behind his desk and holds a phone to his ear. RICH MAN Good news, Smart Man, not only did foreigners buy those traunches, but so did school boards and charities and big pensions. (BEAT) Why did they buy them you ask? Well, they were looking for a really secure risk-free investment and they were all triple A, so... NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Norwegian Village Pension Fund" a Norwegian Man sits behind his desk and shouts into his phone. NORWEGIAN MAN Hey man! What the fuck? We're not receiving our monthly payments! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Rich Man Hedge Fund," Rich Man at his desk on the phone. RICH MAN Yeah, we fucked up. 89. And it now shuffles between the last two frames... the Norwegian Man and Rich Man. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the rating agencies? RICH MAN Yeah, they fucked up too. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the investment bank that put these CDO's together? RICH MAN Fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the bank that made the original loan? RICH MAN Totally fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What am I supposed to tell my villagers? RICH MAN That you fucked up. The final frame Just the rendering of that steaming pile of shit under the caption... "The End." And the lights go on to a some subdued laughter and a smattering of applause. BILL MAHER What a year -- enjoy the night! INT. FINANCIAL FOLLIES - LATER Desert is served. Jackets are off, cigars are lit, Bretton's wife has gone home. The group at the table is a little drunk and having a good time. BRETTON WOODS It's a good question... what do you think, George? GEORGE, an investment banker at the table, thinks about it. GEORGE The definition of rich... flying private. The table reacts... some agree, other don't. George turns to Jacob. 90. GEORGE (CONT'D) Jacob... ? What do you think? JACOB To be rich... is to have the love of a good woman. They all boo... JACOB (CONT'D) (with a smile) For real... I truly believe that. And Jacob turns to Bretton... JACOB (CONT'D) Bretton... what's your definition of rich? An approaching voice answers it for him. VOICE (O.S.) To have twice as much money as you currently do. As he takes a seat... GORDON GEKKO Isn't that what you always say, Bretton? Then... announcing to the table... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) He brings up the question, runs it round the table then finishes with that. It's an old bit. Also announcing to the table... BRETTON WOODS Be careful Gordon... (looking at Jacob) ... your daughter's financial health is in my hands now. Jacob loses his smile... suddenly becoming uncomfortable. GORDON GEKKO That's right. (BEAT) And the way The Locust Fund has been buying up the insurance companies lately makes me worried about my future grandchildren's college educations. JACOB (TO BRETTON) I didn't tell him. 91. BRETTON WOODS No, I don't suppose you did. Bretton looks over to Jacob. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Go ahead, Jacob, preach your book... defend your names. And Jacob turns to Gordon... JACOB We have a proactive central bank, the charts show a clear bottom on July 15th and these companies are trading at half of what they were six months ago. GORDON GEKKO Just cause it's low don't make it cheap, Sport. JACOB I read your book. GORDON GEKKO It's not out yet. JACOB I have a friend in publishing. (BEAT) 25% unemployment... stagflation... bread lines... Martial law... government seizures of assets and gold... end of democracy... Bretton leans back... taking in this sparring match. JACOB (CONT'D) Really Gordon? Do you really need attention that badly? GORDON GEKKO Since I have forty-four seconds to spare, I'm going to tell you a story. It's about a guy named Sam. And we go close on Gekko... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Sam used to work a job, he made things and he grew things and he sold those things. Until one day Sam got a credit card and was amazed how easy it was to buy things with it. So Sam got another card and then another. Then he used the credit card money to make it look like he had an income... and he used that "income" to secure a loan. (MORE) 92. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And with that loan Sam bought a fancy BMW car and rented a fancy penthouse apartment. (BEAT) Now, the credit cards hit their limit and the bank needed him to service that loan, so Sam went to his friends. His Chinese friend... and his Japanese friend... and his British friend and so on. And his friends loaned Sam money. (ANOTHER BEAT) And that brings us to today... where Sam owes the credit cards and Sam owes the banks and Sam owes his friends and eventually they're going to take away Sam's fancy BMW car and his fancy penthouse apartment. And Jacob can now see... in Gordon Gekko's eyes... he truly believes every word he's saying. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And Sam doesn't make anything anymore and Sam doesn't grow anything anymore so Sam doesn't sell anything anymore. As he stands... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Our favorite Uncle Sam's desperate, Jake... and he just found a printing press in his basement. (BEAT) So you tell me -- where do we go from here? And with that, Gordon Gekko goes. BRETTON WOODS (RE GEKKO) It is sad isn't it? That he can't just take his ball and go home. (BEAT) That he has to piss on the whole game. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - MORNING Rushed, Jacob heads through the lobby of his building. Diego catches his stride. DIEGO (doing his best Howard COSELL) Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! And Jacob just keeps walking... 93. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - MORNING Jacob heads into the office to find Bretton sitting behind his desk. BRETTON WOODS They're not going to save it. They're just going to let it bloody die! And sure enough... on the tv... Fox Business runs footage of Lehman Brother's demise. On the screen, the chyron screams: $700 BILLION GOVERNMENT BAILOUT TO THE BANKS! ALEXIS GLICK (ON TV) And as another US banking institution collapses, Congress is working quickly on a bailout package that will distribute over three hundred billion dollars to other banks in trouble. Bretton turns off the tv and looks to Jacob with... BRETTON WOODS We're getting fucking killed. And Jacob looks up to his electronic ticker... MCC $18.53 -2.34, ACN $12.04 -1.35, ISS $7.03 -.65. JACOB It's capitulation. Bretton holds Jacob's look... fighting to keep his composure. Until... he simply stands and offers Jacob his desk back. BRETTON WOODS Then buy more. Jacob takes his chair and reaches for the phone. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Cost us down to current levels. Jacob looks up, surprised. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) It's just a question of time before this turns around... right? And he glares at Jacob. JACOB Right. Bretton just stares nervously at the electronic ticker... a frazzled gambler talking himself into his bet. BRETTON WOODS Fuck it. 94. As he goes... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Leverage is sexy. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on Sept 16th then travels down the trend line and stops. And as a circle is formed around the Sept 24th, we... CUT TO: INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT LCD reads 4:43 am. Jacob lays awake... staring at the ceiling. WINNIE (O.S.) I would hear him in the kitchen. Jacob turns to see she's awake. JACOB I'm sorry, you have an early train. I'm going to just go to the office now. She leans up. WINNIE He didn't want to keep my mother awake so he'd go into the kitchen and sit there. I could hear him because my room was right up the back stairs.

bull

How many times the word 'bull' appears in the text?

(CONT'D) Good job, Jacob... And as they head out into the Dubai heat... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.)(PRE-LAP) So he trust you now. EXT. BOWLING GREEN PARK - DAY The iconic charging bull of Wall Street. JACOB (V.O.) I think so. Travel the park to find... Jacob and Gordon stopping at the food vendors. GORDON GEKKO Well, I'm happy to help. (AND THEN) What about your end of the trade, Sport? JACOB Oh... I'm still working on it. (BEAT) I'll talk to her. I promise. GORDON GEKKO (TO VENDOR) Hot dog. (TO JACOB) What do you want? JACOB (TO VENDOR) I'll take a pretzel. As they get their food and walk... GORDON GEKKO So you're a hedge fund cowboy now? Shaking his head... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Goddamn hedge funds -- what a racket. Playing the world casino, betting other people's money with leverage. And it's completely legal and completely unregulated. (MORE) 71. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) The hustles they get away with make insider trading seem like a parking ticket. SLAM INTO THE FRONTIER FUND/TRADING PIT Rows and rows of computers in a large dark room.... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Nassim Tariq and his Frontier Fund. With their slews of MIT grads who become glorified millionaire robots pushing buttons... ... with casually dressed ASIANS and INDIANS in their 20s working the keyboards like zombies. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... slaves to top-secret propriety elegant algorithms that work until they don't. AND SLAM INTO ESSEX CAPITAL ADVISERS/CONFERENCE ROOM A stuffy conference room half-filled with bored MEN in their 40s watching a presentation... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or the baby cub funds like Sammy Rosen's Essex Advisers... filled with Goldman Sachs and Julian Robertson pedigree. Most of the men type on their blackberrys... one is actually asleep. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Men who are way too rich, lazy and tired to run money properly anymore. THEN SLAM INTO THE DANIELS ACTIVIST FUND/ALLAN DANIELS'S OFFICE A small cluttered office with papers strewn about... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or Allan Daniel's and his bully operation. ALLAN DANIELS, a small bull-dog of a man, paces back and forth... dictating in anger. His SECRETARY types down every word he's shouting. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... with his angry letters to company boards that are nothing but veiled threats in the name of activism. AND RIGHT BACK TO BOWLING GREEN PARK Where Gordon stops walking... 72. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) So you're inside... you have his trust... and now you want to know what's next. And Jacob's look over to Gekko confirms this. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Here's the thing about Bretton. He puts all of his money into his own fund which makes him stupid, egotistical, and most importantly... vulnerable. (BEAT) And he chases. He doesn't take losses well and he chases with leverage. He thinks he's a trader, he thinks he's an investor but he's not. He's a gambler. Regarding Jacob... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) That pretzel looks good. Jacob just shrugs. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Care to make a trade? JACOB Whatever. And they trade. The hotdog for the pretzel. GORDON GEKKO As for your end of our trade. (BEAT) Find a way for me to reunite with my daughter, Jake. Because we both know how she would react to the fact that you've been lying to her about bonding with your future father-in-law. Just standing there... holding that hot dog... JACOB Is that a threat? Looking Jacob dead on... GORDON GEKKO Absolutely. Jacob just shakes his head with a laugh... now realizing that Gekko talked him into this position for this exact leverage. JACOB You're priceless, Gordon. 73. With a smile... GORDON GEKKO Just be happy I'm on your team. (AND THEN) Get him into a bad position and watch him chase it. JACOB What bad position? GORDON GEKKO What have I been saying all along, Kid? JACOB Financials. GORDON GEKKO They're a death trap -- mark my words. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As Jacob takes in his new view... it's spectacular. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) But he won't fall for a brokerage or bank play this late in the game. Everyone knows they're poison. AND TIME LAPSE As the office grows furniture... a plasma on the wall... a computer on the desk... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Sell him on insurance. There's a case to be made for those stocks... ill- fated as they may be. ... books on the shelves... pictures on the walls... a couch and table... a paper shredder and waste baskets... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) But take your time... make him think you've been doing your due diligence. Find Jacob at his desk... working away at his computer... it's late at night. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Make it look like you're working your ass off to find him this genius trade... come in early, leave late and don't bring up the idea for at least a few weeks. And Jacob finally gets up from his desk... goes to the window... looking across midtown Manhattan... 74. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) And then Jacob... ... eyes pasted on a building made of glass and steel... a building he once called home... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... sell him hard... then watch him bite... then watch him chase... ... KZI Investments. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... then watch him come undone. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - DAY Holding his suitcase, Jacob emerges from the elevator and heads for a waiting town car. Jacob sees Diego... JACOB Bring it. Diego smiles... loves this new one... DIEGO What's the most dangerous question on Wall Street? JACOB Tell me. DIEGO "How are you?" And Jacob agrees whole-heartedly as he heads on his way. EXT. WASHINGTON DC - MORNING As the sun rises over our nation's capital. EXT. ROCK CREEK PARK - MORNING Winnie and Jacob jog the park through the humid July haze. It's very early. And Jacob stops jogging. Catches his breath. She keeps running. JACOB Why are you with me? She stops and turns back to him. WINNIE What? 75. JACOB You hate finance. You hate Wall Street. Why are you with me? Winnie nods. It's a valid question. And she thinks about it for a moment, then... WINNIE Repetition compulsion. JACOB Huh? WINNIE It's Freud. JACOB And what does it mean, psych major? WINNIE Well, it's when people repeat the same dysfunctional relationships from childhood in their adult life in hopes of trying to master them. JACOB Like when children of alcoholics fall in love with alcoholics. WINNIE Yeah. He turns away... upset. JACOB That's great, Winnie. WINNIE Jacob, that might be why I was initially attracted to you... but it's not why I love you. She moves to him. WINNIE (CONT'D) I love you because you're compassionate and you care so deeply about what you do and you have like no ego, it's crazy. She reaches to him... turning his face to meet hers. WINNIE (CONT'D) And you're the smartest person I've ever met... and there's nobody I trust more in the world. Jacob looks away... almost ashamed. And Winnie can sense something's not right. 76. WINNIE (CONT'D) What's wrong? JACOB Nothing... As Jacob draws in a deep breath, collects himself and finally turns back to her with... JACOB (CONT'D) I just wish you would master that relationship from childhood so you can move forward with this one. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on July 20th then travels down the trend and stops. And as a circle is formed around August 11th, we... CUT TO: EXT. WESTSIDE HIGHWAY- DAY And Manhattan... as it sweats through the heart of summer. Two jetvans ride uptown... INT. JETVAN - DAY As Jacob rides with Bretton... JACOB Bretton... I found something I like. Bretton looks over to him. BRETTON WOODS I've been wondering when my new portfolio manager was going to come to me with something special. JACOB I just wanted to make sure I would be bringing you the smartest idea possible. I know you don't go light. Confirming... BRETTON WOODS That's right. If I commit to this... we go large and we don't back down. JACOB It might be better to do this in the office. I have color and support to PRESENT-- Waving him off... 77. BRETTON WOODS C'mon Jacob, you know that's not how we do. EXT. ADIRONDACK FOREST PRESERVE - DAY 2.7 million acres of State protected majestic land. All nature... rivers and lakes... cypresses and maples. Clean air. And trails. Many trails that go on for miles. As the two Becker jetvans arrive at a restricted area, a STATE RANGER opens the gate and allows them to drive through then park. Jacob and Bretton emerge from the jetvan. BRETTON WOODS This is how we do. And with a nod, the DRIVER of the other jetvan opens it to reveal two motorcycles inside. Bretton's MTT Turbine Superbike and an Agusta, these bikes are handcrafted works of art as much as they are demons of speed. Jacob laughs in disbelief and excitement. JACOB And we're allowed to ride these through here? Sucking in the fresh summer air... BRETTON WOODS No. AND JACOB AND BRETTON Now decked out in leather riding gear... on the bikes... at the mouth of the trail... revving the engines... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Follow me... And with that, shoots into the forest. Jacob quickly follows. AND THEY RIDE Winding through the trees... along the side of a river... Bretton riding extremely fast with Jacob trying to keep up. Bretton reaches a clearing and waits for Jacob to catch up. Once he does... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) You're going to have to keep up. JACOB Okay. I'm just getting used to it. 78. BRETTON WOODS Tell me your idea. JACOB Here? BRETTON WOODS Where else? JACOB Right. Okay. (COLLECTING HIMSELF) Are you still short any of the financials? BRETTON WOODS No. After KZI, I took profits. JACOB I think it's time to go the other way. BRETTON WOODS Banks? JACOB Insurance companies. I'm talking the old school insurers that have become the babies thrown out with the bath water. Jacob waits for a reaction from Bretton. But all he gets is... BRETTON WOODS Keep up! And with that, Bretton rips into the clearing. Jacob rides just as fast. They're neck and neck... it's definitely a race. Bretton pulls ahead but Jacob doesn't give up. As they move quickly toward a patch of forest with a only narrow trail entering it, Jacob focuses on the horizon and revs the bike into more speed. He pulls up next to Bretton as they approach the trail. If Jacob doesn't slow down, and fall in line behind Bretton, he's going to hit the trees. But he doesn't. Instead, Jacob blasts the bike into its final dose of speed, narrowly avoiding impact by zipping into the trail... pulling ahead of Bretton and taking the lead. A TRANQUIL LAKE As it sits still in the setting sun. Untouched by man. Bretton and Jacob get off the bikes and walk to the shore. As they catch their breaths and enjoy the beauty... 79. JACOB The basket of stocks I'm putting together focuses on reinsurance brokering and management services for businesses. They're trading below book and have large dividends. (BEAT) I say we buy them here. Bretton thinks about it. He's not sure. BRETTON WOODS Financials are a falling knife. Jacob nods... JACOB I'm not arguing that... but the best opportunities are found where angels fear to tread. Jacob can see... he has Bretton on the hook. JACOB (CONT'D) So yeah -- they are falling knives. But Bretton... And with confidence... driving it home... JACOB (CONT'D) ... what's life without a little blood on your hands? INT. JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As WORKERS install an electronic ticker that wraps around the top circumference of the whole office... similar to the one Andrew Zabel had. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) Okay. Then I want you to build positions in your favorite three names. Jacob picks up the phone and... THE SCREEN SPLITS IN TWO With Jacob on top and Robby on the bottom. As Robby takes the order and starts typing into his Bloomberg... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I want you stealth. Use all six trading desks we're in business with. NOW ROBBY'S HALF OF THE SCREEN SPLITS INTO 6 SMALL BOXES 80. Six different trading desks... six different BROKERS taking calls from Jacob who still owns the whole top half of the screen. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) And if they go down... we increase our size. AND BACK TO JACOB Leaning back... feet on desk... staring at the ticker... which only has three stocks on it... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) See Jacob -- I don't believe in "wrong." MCC at $21.65, ACN at $16.24 and ISS at $7.23. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I only believe in "not right yet." EXT. UPPER WEST SIDE - NIGHT A rainstorm takes over the city. A cab pulls out front of Shun Lee Cafe. INT. TAXI - NIGHT Winnie sucks in a deep breath. WINNIE He chose this restaurant. Jacob confirms. WINNIE (CONT'D) We used to come here every Sunday night. He takes her hand. JACOB You're going to be fine. WINNIE I'm only doing this for you. JACOB No. You're doing this for you. She just glares at him. WINNIE We're never having sex again. JACOB Then what my friends say about marriage will be true. 81. And she nervously fights back a smile... WINNIE Oh, shut up. INT. SHUN LEE CAFE - NIGHT The HOST leads Winnie and Jacob through the grand dining room. Gordon sees them and stands up. We can tell he's anxious as well. GORDON GEKKO Hi. Fighting back the nerves... WINNIE Hey. They just stand there. Jacob holds out his hand. JACOB Mr. Gekko, I'm Jacob Moore, we spoke on the phone. Nice to finally meet in person. Gekko just looks at him for an extra long beat, then... shakes his hand. GORDON GEKKO Yes. They all sit. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Jacob, shall we get some wine? JACOB I don't drink. GORDON GEKKO Oh... okay. Then Gordon attempts a smile over to his daughter. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Let me guess... the ginger garlic lobster. WINNIE (TO JACOB) I used to order that every time. She closes her menu. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm not really hungry. 82. GORDON GEKKO I've been following your career, Winnie. Senator Lehigh said some very nice things about you in The American Prospect interview. WINNIE Yeah. She's really been... very... supportive of my... And it trails off... as she just glares at Gordon. WINNIE (CONT'D) I can't do this. She exhales, stands and looks down to Jacob. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm sorry. I can't do this. And she quickly walks off. Jacob frozen. Until Gordon looks over to him with... GORDON GEKKO It's okay. This is a long term investment. (BEAT) Go after her. She needs you. And Jacob does. As Gordon looks down... disappointed. INT. WEST 65TH - NIGHT Pouring rain. Jacob runs after her. JACOB Winnie... Winnie... He turns her around. WINNIE You don't understand. Her tears being washed away by the rain. WINNIE (CONT'D) My mother couldn't handle Rudy. He was so out of control. I couldn't help him. Jacob takes her into his hold... WINNIE (CONT'D) (RE GEKKO) If he wasn't in prison... if he had been there. I know it would've been different. JACOB Your brother's dead, Winnie. 83. Squeezing her tight... JACOB (CONT'D) Your father isn't. WINNIE He's not the person people think he is. JACOB It was a long time ago. She pulls out of his embrace... WINNIE He'll hurt us. Can't we just go home? Please... Jacob. It's raining. And he just looks at her for a long moment... soaking wet and shivering... crying and exposed. JACOB (what am I doing?) I love you. You don't have to do this. (AND THEN) Let's just go home. INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Darkness. The phone rings. Jacob answers it. JACOB Yes. INTERCUT WITH... BRETTON WOODS Your insurance companies are down. He's working a coffee in the master suite of The Black Swan Home... JACOB Bretton. BRETTON WOODS I want to increase our size. Glancing at the LCD, 12:23am... JACOB Okay. Good. It's just a matter of time before they turn. I'll call the DESKS TOMORROW-- BRETTON WOODS Jacob, I want you to triple our positions on all three. 84. Jacob takes a beat. JACOB Okay. BRETTON WOODS And they better fucking go up. Click. And as Jacob just looks at the phone... GORDON GEKKO (PRELAP) The instant you know you're in trouble is the exact moment when a sound investment thesis turns into blind hope. INT. NORMA'S - MORNING Jacob sits across from Gordon at this well-known breakfast spot in the Parker Meridian hotel. GORDON GEKKO Tripling the size... that's a very aggressive move. Jacob nods. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And I promise you he's using leverage to do this. JACOB He's chasing. Suddenly, a MAN approaches the table. He's in his thirties. TOM Mr Gekko, I'm Tom Sanders. I write for Barrons. GORDON GEKKO I've heard of it. Letting out a little laugh... TOM I'm sure you have. (BEAT) Well, I'm doing a piece of Wall Street moguls who ended up going to prison. I've already talked to Boesky and Milken and would love to sit down with you. GORDON GEKKO Can you give me the cover? Tom isn't sure if Gordon's serious. Either is Jacob. 85. TOM Well, I... um... don't make those decisions. GORDON GEKKO Get me the cover and I'll give you seventy minutes. Tom politely smiles. TOM I'll... take that as a no. ... and goes. Gordon looks down to his breakfast and quietly asserts... GORDON GEKKO (almost to himself) Both those assholes got the cover when they were convicted. And after a moment... JACOB How do we know the insurance companies are going to continue going down? As he casually places his egg on a piece of toast... GORDON GEKKO It's all going down. ... and takes a bite. AND THREE CHARTS NOW FILL THE SCREEN Side by side... above the charts are written respectively MCC, ACN and ISS. And we follow all the three trend lines from Aug 17th forward to the right... and they all move down. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Just wait. And we stop in September. And as a blue circle is formed over Sept 13th on all three charts, we... CUT TO: TIME WARNER CENTER/BALLROOM This is The Financial Follies... an annual event held by the financial writers association. 500 people sit at tables, enjoying this dinner and live show that pokes fun at people in the world of finance. Everyone who's anyone in high finance is here. 86. On the stage, the spotlight finds BILL MAHER and the applause breaks out... BILL MAHER Welcome to the 2008 Financial Follies! (APPLAUDS) I'm Bill Maher and I'm getting paid in Euros. Jacob shares a table with Bretton, Bretton's wife and a few other FINANCIAL PLAYERS. Winnie is not here. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) When The Financial Writers Association asked me to host an event for the world of finance, I was shocked. I'm known in Washington not Wall Street... (BEAT) ... but then they informed me that Washington is actually in the process of buying Wall Street, so it all makes sense. Laughter... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I asked them if anything's off limits. And they said to stay away from the brokerages, banks and insurers... (pause for effect, then...) ... where the fuck was that advice five months ago? More laughter. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I see Sammy Rosen's here. The spotlight finds SAMMY ROSEN, billionaire hedge funder. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Sammy, how are you? From his table... SAMMY ROSEN Doing well. BILL MAHER (to the room) Of course he is... in the amount of time it took for us to have that exchange, he made three hundred and nine thousand dollars. (back to Sammy) Sammy, let me give you some free advice, the next time someone with bad eyesight wants to sell you a hundred and fifty million dollar painting... don't let them personally deliver it. 87. It's an inside joke that this room gets... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Somebody told me Gordon Gekko is here. Gordon... ? Across the room, a spotlight finds Gordon... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) There you are. I have some inside information for you, Gekko... sex sells books, not bread lines. Gordon smiles and raises his glass up to Bill. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Talk about your sour grapes. Seriously Gordon -- just because the SEC doesn't let you make obscene amounts of money by being wrong and nefarious doesn't mean you have to ruin it for all of these hard working people. The room applauds... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Okay, we have a video to show now. It's a very detailed and academic account of the current mortgage crises. Let `er rip! And the room goes dark... and on the screen plays a childlike roughly illustrated stick-figure skit being narrated by children. FIRST FRAME Under the caption "Main Street National Bank" is a drawing of a Poor Man sitting across from a Banker Man behind his desk. POOR MAN I'd like a mortgage... I don't really have any money though... is that cool? BANKER MAN Totally cool. Since housing prices are always going up it won't be a problem. POOR MAN You guys are awesome! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "A few weeks later at the bank..." Banker Man now stands over a pile of steaming shit. 88. BANKER MAN Wow, these mortgages are really beginning to smell. I better sell them to smart people. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Smart People Investment Bank" Smart Man stands over the same steaming pile of shit. SMART MAN Wow, these mortgages we just bought really smell. I better sell them to foreigners. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "The CDO Factory" our smart man oversees an assembly line of stick figure workers. SMART MAN (CONT'D) Mix those crappy mortgages in real good with the clean ones so the rating agencies won't smell them. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Rich Man Hedge Fund" a stick figure named Rich Man sits behind his desk and holds a phone to his ear. RICH MAN Good news, Smart Man, not only did foreigners buy those traunches, but so did school boards and charities and big pensions. (BEAT) Why did they buy them you ask? Well, they were looking for a really secure risk-free investment and they were all triple A, so... NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Norwegian Village Pension Fund" a Norwegian Man sits behind his desk and shouts into his phone. NORWEGIAN MAN Hey man! What the fuck? We're not receiving our monthly payments! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Rich Man Hedge Fund," Rich Man at his desk on the phone. RICH MAN Yeah, we fucked up. 89. And it now shuffles between the last two frames... the Norwegian Man and Rich Man. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the rating agencies? RICH MAN Yeah, they fucked up too. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the investment bank that put these CDO's together? RICH MAN Fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the bank that made the original loan? RICH MAN Totally fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What am I supposed to tell my villagers? RICH MAN That you fucked up. The final frame Just the rendering of that steaming pile of shit under the caption... "The End." And the lights go on to a some subdued laughter and a smattering of applause. BILL MAHER What a year -- enjoy the night! INT. FINANCIAL FOLLIES - LATER Desert is served. Jackets are off, cigars are lit, Bretton's wife has gone home. The group at the table is a little drunk and having a good time. BRETTON WOODS It's a good question... what do you think, George? GEORGE, an investment banker at the table, thinks about it. GEORGE The definition of rich... flying private. The table reacts... some agree, other don't. George turns to Jacob. 90. GEORGE (CONT'D) Jacob... ? What do you think? JACOB To be rich... is to have the love of a good woman. They all boo... JACOB (CONT'D) (with a smile) For real... I truly believe that. And Jacob turns to Bretton... JACOB (CONT'D) Bretton... what's your definition of rich? An approaching voice answers it for him. VOICE (O.S.) To have twice as much money as you currently do. As he takes a seat... GORDON GEKKO Isn't that what you always say, Bretton? Then... announcing to the table... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) He brings up the question, runs it round the table then finishes with that. It's an old bit. Also announcing to the table... BRETTON WOODS Be careful Gordon... (looking at Jacob) ... your daughter's financial health is in my hands now. Jacob loses his smile... suddenly becoming uncomfortable. GORDON GEKKO That's right. (BEAT) And the way The Locust Fund has been buying up the insurance companies lately makes me worried about my future grandchildren's college educations. JACOB (TO BRETTON) I didn't tell him. 91. BRETTON WOODS No, I don't suppose you did. Bretton looks over to Jacob. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Go ahead, Jacob, preach your book... defend your names. And Jacob turns to Gordon... JACOB We have a proactive central bank, the charts show a clear bottom on July 15th and these companies are trading at half of what they were six months ago. GORDON GEKKO Just cause it's low don't make it cheap, Sport. JACOB I read your book. GORDON GEKKO It's not out yet. JACOB I have a friend in publishing. (BEAT) 25% unemployment... stagflation... bread lines... Martial law... government seizures of assets and gold... end of democracy... Bretton leans back... taking in this sparring match. JACOB (CONT'D) Really Gordon? Do you really need attention that badly? GORDON GEKKO Since I have forty-four seconds to spare, I'm going to tell you a story. It's about a guy named Sam. And we go close on Gekko... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Sam used to work a job, he made things and he grew things and he sold those things. Until one day Sam got a credit card and was amazed how easy it was to buy things with it. So Sam got another card and then another. Then he used the credit card money to make it look like he had an income... and he used that "income" to secure a loan. (MORE) 92. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And with that loan Sam bought a fancy BMW car and rented a fancy penthouse apartment. (BEAT) Now, the credit cards hit their limit and the bank needed him to service that loan, so Sam went to his friends. His Chinese friend... and his Japanese friend... and his British friend and so on. And his friends loaned Sam money. (ANOTHER BEAT) And that brings us to today... where Sam owes the credit cards and Sam owes the banks and Sam owes his friends and eventually they're going to take away Sam's fancy BMW car and his fancy penthouse apartment. And Jacob can now see... in Gordon Gekko's eyes... he truly believes every word he's saying. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And Sam doesn't make anything anymore and Sam doesn't grow anything anymore so Sam doesn't sell anything anymore. As he stands... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Our favorite Uncle Sam's desperate, Jake... and he just found a printing press in his basement. (BEAT) So you tell me -- where do we go from here? And with that, Gordon Gekko goes. BRETTON WOODS (RE GEKKO) It is sad isn't it? That he can't just take his ball and go home. (BEAT) That he has to piss on the whole game. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - MORNING Rushed, Jacob heads through the lobby of his building. Diego catches his stride. DIEGO (doing his best Howard COSELL) Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! And Jacob just keeps walking... 93. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - MORNING Jacob heads into the office to find Bretton sitting behind his desk. BRETTON WOODS They're not going to save it. They're just going to let it bloody die! And sure enough... on the tv... Fox Business runs footage of Lehman Brother's demise. On the screen, the chyron screams: $700 BILLION GOVERNMENT BAILOUT TO THE BANKS! ALEXIS GLICK (ON TV) And as another US banking institution collapses, Congress is working quickly on a bailout package that will distribute over three hundred billion dollars to other banks in trouble. Bretton turns off the tv and looks to Jacob with... BRETTON WOODS We're getting fucking killed. And Jacob looks up to his electronic ticker... MCC $18.53 -2.34, ACN $12.04 -1.35, ISS $7.03 -.65. JACOB It's capitulation. Bretton holds Jacob's look... fighting to keep his composure. Until... he simply stands and offers Jacob his desk back. BRETTON WOODS Then buy more. Jacob takes his chair and reaches for the phone. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Cost us down to current levels. Jacob looks up, surprised. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) It's just a question of time before this turns around... right? And he glares at Jacob. JACOB Right. Bretton just stares nervously at the electronic ticker... a frazzled gambler talking himself into his bet. BRETTON WOODS Fuck it. 94. As he goes... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Leverage is sexy. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on Sept 16th then travels down the trend line and stops. And as a circle is formed around the Sept 24th, we... CUT TO: INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT LCD reads 4:43 am. Jacob lays awake... staring at the ceiling. WINNIE (O.S.) I would hear him in the kitchen. Jacob turns to see she's awake. JACOB I'm sorry, you have an early train. I'm going to just go to the office now. She leans up. WINNIE He didn't want to keep my mother awake so he'd go into the kitchen and sit there. I could hear him because my room was right up the back stairs.

chamber

How many times the word 'chamber' appears in the text?

(CONT'D) Good job, Jacob... And as they head out into the Dubai heat... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.)(PRE-LAP) So he trust you now. EXT. BOWLING GREEN PARK - DAY The iconic charging bull of Wall Street. JACOB (V.O.) I think so. Travel the park to find... Jacob and Gordon stopping at the food vendors. GORDON GEKKO Well, I'm happy to help. (AND THEN) What about your end of the trade, Sport? JACOB Oh... I'm still working on it. (BEAT) I'll talk to her. I promise. GORDON GEKKO (TO VENDOR) Hot dog. (TO JACOB) What do you want? JACOB (TO VENDOR) I'll take a pretzel. As they get their food and walk... GORDON GEKKO So you're a hedge fund cowboy now? Shaking his head... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Goddamn hedge funds -- what a racket. Playing the world casino, betting other people's money with leverage. And it's completely legal and completely unregulated. (MORE) 71. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) The hustles they get away with make insider trading seem like a parking ticket. SLAM INTO THE FRONTIER FUND/TRADING PIT Rows and rows of computers in a large dark room.... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Nassim Tariq and his Frontier Fund. With their slews of MIT grads who become glorified millionaire robots pushing buttons... ... with casually dressed ASIANS and INDIANS in their 20s working the keyboards like zombies. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... slaves to top-secret propriety elegant algorithms that work until they don't. AND SLAM INTO ESSEX CAPITAL ADVISERS/CONFERENCE ROOM A stuffy conference room half-filled with bored MEN in their 40s watching a presentation... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or the baby cub funds like Sammy Rosen's Essex Advisers... filled with Goldman Sachs and Julian Robertson pedigree. Most of the men type on their blackberrys... one is actually asleep. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Men who are way too rich, lazy and tired to run money properly anymore. THEN SLAM INTO THE DANIELS ACTIVIST FUND/ALLAN DANIELS'S OFFICE A small cluttered office with papers strewn about... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or Allan Daniel's and his bully operation. ALLAN DANIELS, a small bull-dog of a man, paces back and forth... dictating in anger. His SECRETARY types down every word he's shouting. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... with his angry letters to company boards that are nothing but veiled threats in the name of activism. AND RIGHT BACK TO BOWLING GREEN PARK Where Gordon stops walking... 72. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) So you're inside... you have his trust... and now you want to know what's next. And Jacob's look over to Gekko confirms this. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Here's the thing about Bretton. He puts all of his money into his own fund which makes him stupid, egotistical, and most importantly... vulnerable. (BEAT) And he chases. He doesn't take losses well and he chases with leverage. He thinks he's a trader, he thinks he's an investor but he's not. He's a gambler. Regarding Jacob... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) That pretzel looks good. Jacob just shrugs. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Care to make a trade? JACOB Whatever. And they trade. The hotdog for the pretzel. GORDON GEKKO As for your end of our trade. (BEAT) Find a way for me to reunite with my daughter, Jake. Because we both know how she would react to the fact that you've been lying to her about bonding with your future father-in-law. Just standing there... holding that hot dog... JACOB Is that a threat? Looking Jacob dead on... GORDON GEKKO Absolutely. Jacob just shakes his head with a laugh... now realizing that Gekko talked him into this position for this exact leverage. JACOB You're priceless, Gordon. 73. With a smile... GORDON GEKKO Just be happy I'm on your team. (AND THEN) Get him into a bad position and watch him chase it. JACOB What bad position? GORDON GEKKO What have I been saying all along, Kid? JACOB Financials. GORDON GEKKO They're a death trap -- mark my words. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As Jacob takes in his new view... it's spectacular. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) But he won't fall for a brokerage or bank play this late in the game. Everyone knows they're poison. AND TIME LAPSE As the office grows furniture... a plasma on the wall... a computer on the desk... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Sell him on insurance. There's a case to be made for those stocks... ill- fated as they may be. ... books on the shelves... pictures on the walls... a couch and table... a paper shredder and waste baskets... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) But take your time... make him think you've been doing your due diligence. Find Jacob at his desk... working away at his computer... it's late at night. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Make it look like you're working your ass off to find him this genius trade... come in early, leave late and don't bring up the idea for at least a few weeks. And Jacob finally gets up from his desk... goes to the window... looking across midtown Manhattan... 74. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) And then Jacob... ... eyes pasted on a building made of glass and steel... a building he once called home... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... sell him hard... then watch him bite... then watch him chase... ... KZI Investments. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... then watch him come undone. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - DAY Holding his suitcase, Jacob emerges from the elevator and heads for a waiting town car. Jacob sees Diego... JACOB Bring it. Diego smiles... loves this new one... DIEGO What's the most dangerous question on Wall Street? JACOB Tell me. DIEGO "How are you?" And Jacob agrees whole-heartedly as he heads on his way. EXT. WASHINGTON DC - MORNING As the sun rises over our nation's capital. EXT. ROCK CREEK PARK - MORNING Winnie and Jacob jog the park through the humid July haze. It's very early. And Jacob stops jogging. Catches his breath. She keeps running. JACOB Why are you with me? She stops and turns back to him. WINNIE What? 75. JACOB You hate finance. You hate Wall Street. Why are you with me? Winnie nods. It's a valid question. And she thinks about it for a moment, then... WINNIE Repetition compulsion. JACOB Huh? WINNIE It's Freud. JACOB And what does it mean, psych major? WINNIE Well, it's when people repeat the same dysfunctional relationships from childhood in their adult life in hopes of trying to master them. JACOB Like when children of alcoholics fall in love with alcoholics. WINNIE Yeah. He turns away... upset. JACOB That's great, Winnie. WINNIE Jacob, that might be why I was initially attracted to you... but it's not why I love you. She moves to him. WINNIE (CONT'D) I love you because you're compassionate and you care so deeply about what you do and you have like no ego, it's crazy. She reaches to him... turning his face to meet hers. WINNIE (CONT'D) And you're the smartest person I've ever met... and there's nobody I trust more in the world. Jacob looks away... almost ashamed. And Winnie can sense something's not right. 76. WINNIE (CONT'D) What's wrong? JACOB Nothing... As Jacob draws in a deep breath, collects himself and finally turns back to her with... JACOB (CONT'D) I just wish you would master that relationship from childhood so you can move forward with this one. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on July 20th then travels down the trend and stops. And as a circle is formed around August 11th, we... CUT TO: EXT. WESTSIDE HIGHWAY- DAY And Manhattan... as it sweats through the heart of summer. Two jetvans ride uptown... INT. JETVAN - DAY As Jacob rides with Bretton... JACOB Bretton... I found something I like. Bretton looks over to him. BRETTON WOODS I've been wondering when my new portfolio manager was going to come to me with something special. JACOB I just wanted to make sure I would be bringing you the smartest idea possible. I know you don't go light. Confirming... BRETTON WOODS That's right. If I commit to this... we go large and we don't back down. JACOB It might be better to do this in the office. I have color and support to PRESENT-- Waving him off... 77. BRETTON WOODS C'mon Jacob, you know that's not how we do. EXT. ADIRONDACK FOREST PRESERVE - DAY 2.7 million acres of State protected majestic land. All nature... rivers and lakes... cypresses and maples. Clean air. And trails. Many trails that go on for miles. As the two Becker jetvans arrive at a restricted area, a STATE RANGER opens the gate and allows them to drive through then park. Jacob and Bretton emerge from the jetvan. BRETTON WOODS This is how we do. And with a nod, the DRIVER of the other jetvan opens it to reveal two motorcycles inside. Bretton's MTT Turbine Superbike and an Agusta, these bikes are handcrafted works of art as much as they are demons of speed. Jacob laughs in disbelief and excitement. JACOB And we're allowed to ride these through here? Sucking in the fresh summer air... BRETTON WOODS No. AND JACOB AND BRETTON Now decked out in leather riding gear... on the bikes... at the mouth of the trail... revving the engines... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Follow me... And with that, shoots into the forest. Jacob quickly follows. AND THEY RIDE Winding through the trees... along the side of a river... Bretton riding extremely fast with Jacob trying to keep up. Bretton reaches a clearing and waits for Jacob to catch up. Once he does... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) You're going to have to keep up. JACOB Okay. I'm just getting used to it. 78. BRETTON WOODS Tell me your idea. JACOB Here? BRETTON WOODS Where else? JACOB Right. Okay. (COLLECTING HIMSELF) Are you still short any of the financials? BRETTON WOODS No. After KZI, I took profits. JACOB I think it's time to go the other way. BRETTON WOODS Banks? JACOB Insurance companies. I'm talking the old school insurers that have become the babies thrown out with the bath water. Jacob waits for a reaction from Bretton. But all he gets is... BRETTON WOODS Keep up! And with that, Bretton rips into the clearing. Jacob rides just as fast. They're neck and neck... it's definitely a race. Bretton pulls ahead but Jacob doesn't give up. As they move quickly toward a patch of forest with a only narrow trail entering it, Jacob focuses on the horizon and revs the bike into more speed. He pulls up next to Bretton as they approach the trail. If Jacob doesn't slow down, and fall in line behind Bretton, he's going to hit the trees. But he doesn't. Instead, Jacob blasts the bike into its final dose of speed, narrowly avoiding impact by zipping into the trail... pulling ahead of Bretton and taking the lead. A TRANQUIL LAKE As it sits still in the setting sun. Untouched by man. Bretton and Jacob get off the bikes and walk to the shore. As they catch their breaths and enjoy the beauty... 79. JACOB The basket of stocks I'm putting together focuses on reinsurance brokering and management services for businesses. They're trading below book and have large dividends. (BEAT) I say we buy them here. Bretton thinks about it. He's not sure. BRETTON WOODS Financials are a falling knife. Jacob nods... JACOB I'm not arguing that... but the best opportunities are found where angels fear to tread. Jacob can see... he has Bretton on the hook. JACOB (CONT'D) So yeah -- they are falling knives. But Bretton... And with confidence... driving it home... JACOB (CONT'D) ... what's life without a little blood on your hands? INT. JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As WORKERS install an electronic ticker that wraps around the top circumference of the whole office... similar to the one Andrew Zabel had. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) Okay. Then I want you to build positions in your favorite three names. Jacob picks up the phone and... THE SCREEN SPLITS IN TWO With Jacob on top and Robby on the bottom. As Robby takes the order and starts typing into his Bloomberg... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I want you stealth. Use all six trading desks we're in business with. NOW ROBBY'S HALF OF THE SCREEN SPLITS INTO 6 SMALL BOXES 80. Six different trading desks... six different BROKERS taking calls from Jacob who still owns the whole top half of the screen. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) And if they go down... we increase our size. AND BACK TO JACOB Leaning back... feet on desk... staring at the ticker... which only has three stocks on it... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) See Jacob -- I don't believe in "wrong." MCC at $21.65, ACN at $16.24 and ISS at $7.23. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I only believe in "not right yet." EXT. UPPER WEST SIDE - NIGHT A rainstorm takes over the city. A cab pulls out front of Shun Lee Cafe. INT. TAXI - NIGHT Winnie sucks in a deep breath. WINNIE He chose this restaurant. Jacob confirms. WINNIE (CONT'D) We used to come here every Sunday night. He takes her hand. JACOB You're going to be fine. WINNIE I'm only doing this for you. JACOB No. You're doing this for you. She just glares at him. WINNIE We're never having sex again. JACOB Then what my friends say about marriage will be true. 81. And she nervously fights back a smile... WINNIE Oh, shut up. INT. SHUN LEE CAFE - NIGHT The HOST leads Winnie and Jacob through the grand dining room. Gordon sees them and stands up. We can tell he's anxious as well. GORDON GEKKO Hi. Fighting back the nerves... WINNIE Hey. They just stand there. Jacob holds out his hand. JACOB Mr. Gekko, I'm Jacob Moore, we spoke on the phone. Nice to finally meet in person. Gekko just looks at him for an extra long beat, then... shakes his hand. GORDON GEKKO Yes. They all sit. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Jacob, shall we get some wine? JACOB I don't drink. GORDON GEKKO Oh... okay. Then Gordon attempts a smile over to his daughter. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Let me guess... the ginger garlic lobster. WINNIE (TO JACOB) I used to order that every time. She closes her menu. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm not really hungry. 82. GORDON GEKKO I've been following your career, Winnie. Senator Lehigh said some very nice things about you in The American Prospect interview. WINNIE Yeah. She's really been... very... supportive of my... And it trails off... as she just glares at Gordon. WINNIE (CONT'D) I can't do this. She exhales, stands and looks down to Jacob. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm sorry. I can't do this. And she quickly walks off. Jacob frozen. Until Gordon looks over to him with... GORDON GEKKO It's okay. This is a long term investment. (BEAT) Go after her. She needs you. And Jacob does. As Gordon looks down... disappointed. INT. WEST 65TH - NIGHT Pouring rain. Jacob runs after her. JACOB Winnie... Winnie... He turns her around. WINNIE You don't understand. Her tears being washed away by the rain. WINNIE (CONT'D) My mother couldn't handle Rudy. He was so out of control. I couldn't help him. Jacob takes her into his hold... WINNIE (CONT'D) (RE GEKKO) If he wasn't in prison... if he had been there. I know it would've been different. JACOB Your brother's dead, Winnie. 83. Squeezing her tight... JACOB (CONT'D) Your father isn't. WINNIE He's not the person people think he is. JACOB It was a long time ago. She pulls out of his embrace... WINNIE He'll hurt us. Can't we just go home? Please... Jacob. It's raining. And he just looks at her for a long moment... soaking wet and shivering... crying and exposed. JACOB (what am I doing?) I love you. You don't have to do this. (AND THEN) Let's just go home. INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Darkness. The phone rings. Jacob answers it. JACOB Yes. INTERCUT WITH... BRETTON WOODS Your insurance companies are down. He's working a coffee in the master suite of The Black Swan Home... JACOB Bretton. BRETTON WOODS I want to increase our size. Glancing at the LCD, 12:23am... JACOB Okay. Good. It's just a matter of time before they turn. I'll call the DESKS TOMORROW-- BRETTON WOODS Jacob, I want you to triple our positions on all three. 84. Jacob takes a beat. JACOB Okay. BRETTON WOODS And they better fucking go up. Click. And as Jacob just looks at the phone... GORDON GEKKO (PRELAP) The instant you know you're in trouble is the exact moment when a sound investment thesis turns into blind hope. INT. NORMA'S - MORNING Jacob sits across from Gordon at this well-known breakfast spot in the Parker Meridian hotel. GORDON GEKKO Tripling the size... that's a very aggressive move. Jacob nods. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And I promise you he's using leverage to do this. JACOB He's chasing. Suddenly, a MAN approaches the table. He's in his thirties. TOM Mr Gekko, I'm Tom Sanders. I write for Barrons. GORDON GEKKO I've heard of it. Letting out a little laugh... TOM I'm sure you have. (BEAT) Well, I'm doing a piece of Wall Street moguls who ended up going to prison. I've already talked to Boesky and Milken and would love to sit down with you. GORDON GEKKO Can you give me the cover? Tom isn't sure if Gordon's serious. Either is Jacob. 85. TOM Well, I... um... don't make those decisions. GORDON GEKKO Get me the cover and I'll give you seventy minutes. Tom politely smiles. TOM I'll... take that as a no. ... and goes. Gordon looks down to his breakfast and quietly asserts... GORDON GEKKO (almost to himself) Both those assholes got the cover when they were convicted. And after a moment... JACOB How do we know the insurance companies are going to continue going down? As he casually places his egg on a piece of toast... GORDON GEKKO It's all going down. ... and takes a bite. AND THREE CHARTS NOW FILL THE SCREEN Side by side... above the charts are written respectively MCC, ACN and ISS. And we follow all the three trend lines from Aug 17th forward to the right... and they all move down. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Just wait. And we stop in September. And as a blue circle is formed over Sept 13th on all three charts, we... CUT TO: TIME WARNER CENTER/BALLROOM This is The Financial Follies... an annual event held by the financial writers association. 500 people sit at tables, enjoying this dinner and live show that pokes fun at people in the world of finance. Everyone who's anyone in high finance is here. 86. On the stage, the spotlight finds BILL MAHER and the applause breaks out... BILL MAHER Welcome to the 2008 Financial Follies! (APPLAUDS) I'm Bill Maher and I'm getting paid in Euros. Jacob shares a table with Bretton, Bretton's wife and a few other FINANCIAL PLAYERS. Winnie is not here. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) When The Financial Writers Association asked me to host an event for the world of finance, I was shocked. I'm known in Washington not Wall Street... (BEAT) ... but then they informed me that Washington is actually in the process of buying Wall Street, so it all makes sense. Laughter... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I asked them if anything's off limits. And they said to stay away from the brokerages, banks and insurers... (pause for effect, then...) ... where the fuck was that advice five months ago? More laughter. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I see Sammy Rosen's here. The spotlight finds SAMMY ROSEN, billionaire hedge funder. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Sammy, how are you? From his table... SAMMY ROSEN Doing well. BILL MAHER (to the room) Of course he is... in the amount of time it took for us to have that exchange, he made three hundred and nine thousand dollars. (back to Sammy) Sammy, let me give you some free advice, the next time someone with bad eyesight wants to sell you a hundred and fifty million dollar painting... don't let them personally deliver it. 87. It's an inside joke that this room gets... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Somebody told me Gordon Gekko is here. Gordon... ? Across the room, a spotlight finds Gordon... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) There you are. I have some inside information for you, Gekko... sex sells books, not bread lines. Gordon smiles and raises his glass up to Bill. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Talk about your sour grapes. Seriously Gordon -- just because the SEC doesn't let you make obscene amounts of money by being wrong and nefarious doesn't mean you have to ruin it for all of these hard working people. The room applauds... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Okay, we have a video to show now. It's a very detailed and academic account of the current mortgage crises. Let `er rip! And the room goes dark... and on the screen plays a childlike roughly illustrated stick-figure skit being narrated by children. FIRST FRAME Under the caption "Main Street National Bank" is a drawing of a Poor Man sitting across from a Banker Man behind his desk. POOR MAN I'd like a mortgage... I don't really have any money though... is that cool? BANKER MAN Totally cool. Since housing prices are always going up it won't be a problem. POOR MAN You guys are awesome! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "A few weeks later at the bank..." Banker Man now stands over a pile of steaming shit. 88. BANKER MAN Wow, these mortgages are really beginning to smell. I better sell them to smart people. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Smart People Investment Bank" Smart Man stands over the same steaming pile of shit. SMART MAN Wow, these mortgages we just bought really smell. I better sell them to foreigners. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "The CDO Factory" our smart man oversees an assembly line of stick figure workers. SMART MAN (CONT'D) Mix those crappy mortgages in real good with the clean ones so the rating agencies won't smell them. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Rich Man Hedge Fund" a stick figure named Rich Man sits behind his desk and holds a phone to his ear. RICH MAN Good news, Smart Man, not only did foreigners buy those traunches, but so did school boards and charities and big pensions. (BEAT) Why did they buy them you ask? Well, they were looking for a really secure risk-free investment and they were all triple A, so... NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Norwegian Village Pension Fund" a Norwegian Man sits behind his desk and shouts into his phone. NORWEGIAN MAN Hey man! What the fuck? We're not receiving our monthly payments! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Rich Man Hedge Fund," Rich Man at his desk on the phone. RICH MAN Yeah, we fucked up. 89. And it now shuffles between the last two frames... the Norwegian Man and Rich Man. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the rating agencies? RICH MAN Yeah, they fucked up too. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the investment bank that put these CDO's together? RICH MAN Fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the bank that made the original loan? RICH MAN Totally fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What am I supposed to tell my villagers? RICH MAN That you fucked up. The final frame Just the rendering of that steaming pile of shit under the caption... "The End." And the lights go on to a some subdued laughter and a smattering of applause. BILL MAHER What a year -- enjoy the night! INT. FINANCIAL FOLLIES - LATER Desert is served. Jackets are off, cigars are lit, Bretton's wife has gone home. The group at the table is a little drunk and having a good time. BRETTON WOODS It's a good question... what do you think, George? GEORGE, an investment banker at the table, thinks about it. GEORGE The definition of rich... flying private. The table reacts... some agree, other don't. George turns to Jacob. 90. GEORGE (CONT'D) Jacob... ? What do you think? JACOB To be rich... is to have the love of a good woman. They all boo... JACOB (CONT'D) (with a smile) For real... I truly believe that. And Jacob turns to Bretton... JACOB (CONT'D) Bretton... what's your definition of rich? An approaching voice answers it for him. VOICE (O.S.) To have twice as much money as you currently do. As he takes a seat... GORDON GEKKO Isn't that what you always say, Bretton? Then... announcing to the table... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) He brings up the question, runs it round the table then finishes with that. It's an old bit. Also announcing to the table... BRETTON WOODS Be careful Gordon... (looking at Jacob) ... your daughter's financial health is in my hands now. Jacob loses his smile... suddenly becoming uncomfortable. GORDON GEKKO That's right. (BEAT) And the way The Locust Fund has been buying up the insurance companies lately makes me worried about my future grandchildren's college educations. JACOB (TO BRETTON) I didn't tell him. 91. BRETTON WOODS No, I don't suppose you did. Bretton looks over to Jacob. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Go ahead, Jacob, preach your book... defend your names. And Jacob turns to Gordon... JACOB We have a proactive central bank, the charts show a clear bottom on July 15th and these companies are trading at half of what they were six months ago. GORDON GEKKO Just cause it's low don't make it cheap, Sport. JACOB I read your book. GORDON GEKKO It's not out yet. JACOB I have a friend in publishing. (BEAT) 25% unemployment... stagflation... bread lines... Martial law... government seizures of assets and gold... end of democracy... Bretton leans back... taking in this sparring match. JACOB (CONT'D) Really Gordon? Do you really need attention that badly? GORDON GEKKO Since I have forty-four seconds to spare, I'm going to tell you a story. It's about a guy named Sam. And we go close on Gekko... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Sam used to work a job, he made things and he grew things and he sold those things. Until one day Sam got a credit card and was amazed how easy it was to buy things with it. So Sam got another card and then another. Then he used the credit card money to make it look like he had an income... and he used that "income" to secure a loan. (MORE) 92. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And with that loan Sam bought a fancy BMW car and rented a fancy penthouse apartment. (BEAT) Now, the credit cards hit their limit and the bank needed him to service that loan, so Sam went to his friends. His Chinese friend... and his Japanese friend... and his British friend and so on. And his friends loaned Sam money. (ANOTHER BEAT) And that brings us to today... where Sam owes the credit cards and Sam owes the banks and Sam owes his friends and eventually they're going to take away Sam's fancy BMW car and his fancy penthouse apartment. And Jacob can now see... in Gordon Gekko's eyes... he truly believes every word he's saying. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And Sam doesn't make anything anymore and Sam doesn't grow anything anymore so Sam doesn't sell anything anymore. As he stands... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Our favorite Uncle Sam's desperate, Jake... and he just found a printing press in his basement. (BEAT) So you tell me -- where do we go from here? And with that, Gordon Gekko goes. BRETTON WOODS (RE GEKKO) It is sad isn't it? That he can't just take his ball and go home. (BEAT) That he has to piss on the whole game. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - MORNING Rushed, Jacob heads through the lobby of his building. Diego catches his stride. DIEGO (doing his best Howard COSELL) Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! And Jacob just keeps walking... 93. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - MORNING Jacob heads into the office to find Bretton sitting behind his desk. BRETTON WOODS They're not going to save it. They're just going to let it bloody die! And sure enough... on the tv... Fox Business runs footage of Lehman Brother's demise. On the screen, the chyron screams: $700 BILLION GOVERNMENT BAILOUT TO THE BANKS! ALEXIS GLICK (ON TV) And as another US banking institution collapses, Congress is working quickly on a bailout package that will distribute over three hundred billion dollars to other banks in trouble. Bretton turns off the tv and looks to Jacob with... BRETTON WOODS We're getting fucking killed. And Jacob looks up to his electronic ticker... MCC $18.53 -2.34, ACN $12.04 -1.35, ISS $7.03 -.65. JACOB It's capitulation. Bretton holds Jacob's look... fighting to keep his composure. Until... he simply stands and offers Jacob his desk back. BRETTON WOODS Then buy more. Jacob takes his chair and reaches for the phone. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Cost us down to current levels. Jacob looks up, surprised. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) It's just a question of time before this turns around... right? And he glares at Jacob. JACOB Right. Bretton just stares nervously at the electronic ticker... a frazzled gambler talking himself into his bet. BRETTON WOODS Fuck it. 94. As he goes... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Leverage is sexy. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on Sept 16th then travels down the trend line and stops. And as a circle is formed around the Sept 24th, we... CUT TO: INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT LCD reads 4:43 am. Jacob lays awake... staring at the ceiling. WINNIE (O.S.) I would hear him in the kitchen. Jacob turns to see she's awake. JACOB I'm sorry, you have an early train. I'm going to just go to the office now. She leans up. WINNIE He didn't want to keep my mother awake so he'd go into the kitchen and sit there. I could hear him because my room was right up the back stairs.

off

How many times the word 'off' appears in the text?

(CONT'D) Good job, Jacob... And as they head out into the Dubai heat... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.)(PRE-LAP) So he trust you now. EXT. BOWLING GREEN PARK - DAY The iconic charging bull of Wall Street. JACOB (V.O.) I think so. Travel the park to find... Jacob and Gordon stopping at the food vendors. GORDON GEKKO Well, I'm happy to help. (AND THEN) What about your end of the trade, Sport? JACOB Oh... I'm still working on it. (BEAT) I'll talk to her. I promise. GORDON GEKKO (TO VENDOR) Hot dog. (TO JACOB) What do you want? JACOB (TO VENDOR) I'll take a pretzel. As they get their food and walk... GORDON GEKKO So you're a hedge fund cowboy now? Shaking his head... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Goddamn hedge funds -- what a racket. Playing the world casino, betting other people's money with leverage. And it's completely legal and completely unregulated. (MORE) 71. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) The hustles they get away with make insider trading seem like a parking ticket. SLAM INTO THE FRONTIER FUND/TRADING PIT Rows and rows of computers in a large dark room.... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Nassim Tariq and his Frontier Fund. With their slews of MIT grads who become glorified millionaire robots pushing buttons... ... with casually dressed ASIANS and INDIANS in their 20s working the keyboards like zombies. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... slaves to top-secret propriety elegant algorithms that work until they don't. AND SLAM INTO ESSEX CAPITAL ADVISERS/CONFERENCE ROOM A stuffy conference room half-filled with bored MEN in their 40s watching a presentation... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or the baby cub funds like Sammy Rosen's Essex Advisers... filled with Goldman Sachs and Julian Robertson pedigree. Most of the men type on their blackberrys... one is actually asleep. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Men who are way too rich, lazy and tired to run money properly anymore. THEN SLAM INTO THE DANIELS ACTIVIST FUND/ALLAN DANIELS'S OFFICE A small cluttered office with papers strewn about... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or Allan Daniel's and his bully operation. ALLAN DANIELS, a small bull-dog of a man, paces back and forth... dictating in anger. His SECRETARY types down every word he's shouting. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... with his angry letters to company boards that are nothing but veiled threats in the name of activism. AND RIGHT BACK TO BOWLING GREEN PARK Where Gordon stops walking... 72. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) So you're inside... you have his trust... and now you want to know what's next. And Jacob's look over to Gekko confirms this. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Here's the thing about Bretton. He puts all of his money into his own fund which makes him stupid, egotistical, and most importantly... vulnerable. (BEAT) And he chases. He doesn't take losses well and he chases with leverage. He thinks he's a trader, he thinks he's an investor but he's not. He's a gambler. Regarding Jacob... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) That pretzel looks good. Jacob just shrugs. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Care to make a trade? JACOB Whatever. And they trade. The hotdog for the pretzel. GORDON GEKKO As for your end of our trade. (BEAT) Find a way for me to reunite with my daughter, Jake. Because we both know how she would react to the fact that you've been lying to her about bonding with your future father-in-law. Just standing there... holding that hot dog... JACOB Is that a threat? Looking Jacob dead on... GORDON GEKKO Absolutely. Jacob just shakes his head with a laugh... now realizing that Gekko talked him into this position for this exact leverage. JACOB You're priceless, Gordon. 73. With a smile... GORDON GEKKO Just be happy I'm on your team. (AND THEN) Get him into a bad position and watch him chase it. JACOB What bad position? GORDON GEKKO What have I been saying all along, Kid? JACOB Financials. GORDON GEKKO They're a death trap -- mark my words. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As Jacob takes in his new view... it's spectacular. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) But he won't fall for a brokerage or bank play this late in the game. Everyone knows they're poison. AND TIME LAPSE As the office grows furniture... a plasma on the wall... a computer on the desk... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Sell him on insurance. There's a case to be made for those stocks... ill- fated as they may be. ... books on the shelves... pictures on the walls... a couch and table... a paper shredder and waste baskets... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) But take your time... make him think you've been doing your due diligence. Find Jacob at his desk... working away at his computer... it's late at night. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Make it look like you're working your ass off to find him this genius trade... come in early, leave late and don't bring up the idea for at least a few weeks. And Jacob finally gets up from his desk... goes to the window... looking across midtown Manhattan... 74. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) And then Jacob... ... eyes pasted on a building made of glass and steel... a building he once called home... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... sell him hard... then watch him bite... then watch him chase... ... KZI Investments. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... then watch him come undone. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - DAY Holding his suitcase, Jacob emerges from the elevator and heads for a waiting town car. Jacob sees Diego... JACOB Bring it. Diego smiles... loves this new one... DIEGO What's the most dangerous question on Wall Street? JACOB Tell me. DIEGO "How are you?" And Jacob agrees whole-heartedly as he heads on his way. EXT. WASHINGTON DC - MORNING As the sun rises over our nation's capital. EXT. ROCK CREEK PARK - MORNING Winnie and Jacob jog the park through the humid July haze. It's very early. And Jacob stops jogging. Catches his breath. She keeps running. JACOB Why are you with me? She stops and turns back to him. WINNIE What? 75. JACOB You hate finance. You hate Wall Street. Why are you with me? Winnie nods. It's a valid question. And she thinks about it for a moment, then... WINNIE Repetition compulsion. JACOB Huh? WINNIE It's Freud. JACOB And what does it mean, psych major? WINNIE Well, it's when people repeat the same dysfunctional relationships from childhood in their adult life in hopes of trying to master them. JACOB Like when children of alcoholics fall in love with alcoholics. WINNIE Yeah. He turns away... upset. JACOB That's great, Winnie. WINNIE Jacob, that might be why I was initially attracted to you... but it's not why I love you. She moves to him. WINNIE (CONT'D) I love you because you're compassionate and you care so deeply about what you do and you have like no ego, it's crazy. She reaches to him... turning his face to meet hers. WINNIE (CONT'D) And you're the smartest person I've ever met... and there's nobody I trust more in the world. Jacob looks away... almost ashamed. And Winnie can sense something's not right. 76. WINNIE (CONT'D) What's wrong? JACOB Nothing... As Jacob draws in a deep breath, collects himself and finally turns back to her with... JACOB (CONT'D) I just wish you would master that relationship from childhood so you can move forward with this one. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on July 20th then travels down the trend and stops. And as a circle is formed around August 11th, we... CUT TO: EXT. WESTSIDE HIGHWAY- DAY And Manhattan... as it sweats through the heart of summer. Two jetvans ride uptown... INT. JETVAN - DAY As Jacob rides with Bretton... JACOB Bretton... I found something I like. Bretton looks over to him. BRETTON WOODS I've been wondering when my new portfolio manager was going to come to me with something special. JACOB I just wanted to make sure I would be bringing you the smartest idea possible. I know you don't go light. Confirming... BRETTON WOODS That's right. If I commit to this... we go large and we don't back down. JACOB It might be better to do this in the office. I have color and support to PRESENT-- Waving him off... 77. BRETTON WOODS C'mon Jacob, you know that's not how we do. EXT. ADIRONDACK FOREST PRESERVE - DAY 2.7 million acres of State protected majestic land. All nature... rivers and lakes... cypresses and maples. Clean air. And trails. Many trails that go on for miles. As the two Becker jetvans arrive at a restricted area, a STATE RANGER opens the gate and allows them to drive through then park. Jacob and Bretton emerge from the jetvan. BRETTON WOODS This is how we do. And with a nod, the DRIVER of the other jetvan opens it to reveal two motorcycles inside. Bretton's MTT Turbine Superbike and an Agusta, these bikes are handcrafted works of art as much as they are demons of speed. Jacob laughs in disbelief and excitement. JACOB And we're allowed to ride these through here? Sucking in the fresh summer air... BRETTON WOODS No. AND JACOB AND BRETTON Now decked out in leather riding gear... on the bikes... at the mouth of the trail... revving the engines... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Follow me... And with that, shoots into the forest. Jacob quickly follows. AND THEY RIDE Winding through the trees... along the side of a river... Bretton riding extremely fast with Jacob trying to keep up. Bretton reaches a clearing and waits for Jacob to catch up. Once he does... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) You're going to have to keep up. JACOB Okay. I'm just getting used to it. 78. BRETTON WOODS Tell me your idea. JACOB Here? BRETTON WOODS Where else? JACOB Right. Okay. (COLLECTING HIMSELF) Are you still short any of the financials? BRETTON WOODS No. After KZI, I took profits. JACOB I think it's time to go the other way. BRETTON WOODS Banks? JACOB Insurance companies. I'm talking the old school insurers that have become the babies thrown out with the bath water. Jacob waits for a reaction from Bretton. But all he gets is... BRETTON WOODS Keep up! And with that, Bretton rips into the clearing. Jacob rides just as fast. They're neck and neck... it's definitely a race. Bretton pulls ahead but Jacob doesn't give up. As they move quickly toward a patch of forest with a only narrow trail entering it, Jacob focuses on the horizon and revs the bike into more speed. He pulls up next to Bretton as they approach the trail. If Jacob doesn't slow down, and fall in line behind Bretton, he's going to hit the trees. But he doesn't. Instead, Jacob blasts the bike into its final dose of speed, narrowly avoiding impact by zipping into the trail... pulling ahead of Bretton and taking the lead. A TRANQUIL LAKE As it sits still in the setting sun. Untouched by man. Bretton and Jacob get off the bikes and walk to the shore. As they catch their breaths and enjoy the beauty... 79. JACOB The basket of stocks I'm putting together focuses on reinsurance brokering and management services for businesses. They're trading below book and have large dividends. (BEAT) I say we buy them here. Bretton thinks about it. He's not sure. BRETTON WOODS Financials are a falling knife. Jacob nods... JACOB I'm not arguing that... but the best opportunities are found where angels fear to tread. Jacob can see... he has Bretton on the hook. JACOB (CONT'D) So yeah -- they are falling knives. But Bretton... And with confidence... driving it home... JACOB (CONT'D) ... what's life without a little blood on your hands? INT. JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As WORKERS install an electronic ticker that wraps around the top circumference of the whole office... similar to the one Andrew Zabel had. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) Okay. Then I want you to build positions in your favorite three names. Jacob picks up the phone and... THE SCREEN SPLITS IN TWO With Jacob on top and Robby on the bottom. As Robby takes the order and starts typing into his Bloomberg... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I want you stealth. Use all six trading desks we're in business with. NOW ROBBY'S HALF OF THE SCREEN SPLITS INTO 6 SMALL BOXES 80. Six different trading desks... six different BROKERS taking calls from Jacob who still owns the whole top half of the screen. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) And if they go down... we increase our size. AND BACK TO JACOB Leaning back... feet on desk... staring at the ticker... which only has three stocks on it... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) See Jacob -- I don't believe in "wrong." MCC at $21.65, ACN at $16.24 and ISS at $7.23. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I only believe in "not right yet." EXT. UPPER WEST SIDE - NIGHT A rainstorm takes over the city. A cab pulls out front of Shun Lee Cafe. INT. TAXI - NIGHT Winnie sucks in a deep breath. WINNIE He chose this restaurant. Jacob confirms. WINNIE (CONT'D) We used to come here every Sunday night. He takes her hand. JACOB You're going to be fine. WINNIE I'm only doing this for you. JACOB No. You're doing this for you. She just glares at him. WINNIE We're never having sex again. JACOB Then what my friends say about marriage will be true. 81. And she nervously fights back a smile... WINNIE Oh, shut up. INT. SHUN LEE CAFE - NIGHT The HOST leads Winnie and Jacob through the grand dining room. Gordon sees them and stands up. We can tell he's anxious as well. GORDON GEKKO Hi. Fighting back the nerves... WINNIE Hey. They just stand there. Jacob holds out his hand. JACOB Mr. Gekko, I'm Jacob Moore, we spoke on the phone. Nice to finally meet in person. Gekko just looks at him for an extra long beat, then... shakes his hand. GORDON GEKKO Yes. They all sit. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Jacob, shall we get some wine? JACOB I don't drink. GORDON GEKKO Oh... okay. Then Gordon attempts a smile over to his daughter. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Let me guess... the ginger garlic lobster. WINNIE (TO JACOB) I used to order that every time. She closes her menu. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm not really hungry. 82. GORDON GEKKO I've been following your career, Winnie. Senator Lehigh said some very nice things about you in The American Prospect interview. WINNIE Yeah. She's really been... very... supportive of my... And it trails off... as she just glares at Gordon. WINNIE (CONT'D) I can't do this. She exhales, stands and looks down to Jacob. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm sorry. I can't do this. And she quickly walks off. Jacob frozen. Until Gordon looks over to him with... GORDON GEKKO It's okay. This is a long term investment. (BEAT) Go after her. She needs you. And Jacob does. As Gordon looks down... disappointed. INT. WEST 65TH - NIGHT Pouring rain. Jacob runs after her. JACOB Winnie... Winnie... He turns her around. WINNIE You don't understand. Her tears being washed away by the rain. WINNIE (CONT'D) My mother couldn't handle Rudy. He was so out of control. I couldn't help him. Jacob takes her into his hold... WINNIE (CONT'D) (RE GEKKO) If he wasn't in prison... if he had been there. I know it would've been different. JACOB Your brother's dead, Winnie. 83. Squeezing her tight... JACOB (CONT'D) Your father isn't. WINNIE He's not the person people think he is. JACOB It was a long time ago. She pulls out of his embrace... WINNIE He'll hurt us. Can't we just go home? Please... Jacob. It's raining. And he just looks at her for a long moment... soaking wet and shivering... crying and exposed. JACOB (what am I doing?) I love you. You don't have to do this. (AND THEN) Let's just go home. INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Darkness. The phone rings. Jacob answers it. JACOB Yes. INTERCUT WITH... BRETTON WOODS Your insurance companies are down. He's working a coffee in the master suite of The Black Swan Home... JACOB Bretton. BRETTON WOODS I want to increase our size. Glancing at the LCD, 12:23am... JACOB Okay. Good. It's just a matter of time before they turn. I'll call the DESKS TOMORROW-- BRETTON WOODS Jacob, I want you to triple our positions on all three. 84. Jacob takes a beat. JACOB Okay. BRETTON WOODS And they better fucking go up. Click. And as Jacob just looks at the phone... GORDON GEKKO (PRELAP) The instant you know you're in trouble is the exact moment when a sound investment thesis turns into blind hope. INT. NORMA'S - MORNING Jacob sits across from Gordon at this well-known breakfast spot in the Parker Meridian hotel. GORDON GEKKO Tripling the size... that's a very aggressive move. Jacob nods. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And I promise you he's using leverage to do this. JACOB He's chasing. Suddenly, a MAN approaches the table. He's in his thirties. TOM Mr Gekko, I'm Tom Sanders. I write for Barrons. GORDON GEKKO I've heard of it. Letting out a little laugh... TOM I'm sure you have. (BEAT) Well, I'm doing a piece of Wall Street moguls who ended up going to prison. I've already talked to Boesky and Milken and would love to sit down with you. GORDON GEKKO Can you give me the cover? Tom isn't sure if Gordon's serious. Either is Jacob. 85. TOM Well, I... um... don't make those decisions. GORDON GEKKO Get me the cover and I'll give you seventy minutes. Tom politely smiles. TOM I'll... take that as a no. ... and goes. Gordon looks down to his breakfast and quietly asserts... GORDON GEKKO (almost to himself) Both those assholes got the cover when they were convicted. And after a moment... JACOB How do we know the insurance companies are going to continue going down? As he casually places his egg on a piece of toast... GORDON GEKKO It's all going down. ... and takes a bite. AND THREE CHARTS NOW FILL THE SCREEN Side by side... above the charts are written respectively MCC, ACN and ISS. And we follow all the three trend lines from Aug 17th forward to the right... and they all move down. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Just wait. And we stop in September. And as a blue circle is formed over Sept 13th on all three charts, we... CUT TO: TIME WARNER CENTER/BALLROOM This is The Financial Follies... an annual event held by the financial writers association. 500 people sit at tables, enjoying this dinner and live show that pokes fun at people in the world of finance. Everyone who's anyone in high finance is here. 86. On the stage, the spotlight finds BILL MAHER and the applause breaks out... BILL MAHER Welcome to the 2008 Financial Follies! (APPLAUDS) I'm Bill Maher and I'm getting paid in Euros. Jacob shares a table with Bretton, Bretton's wife and a few other FINANCIAL PLAYERS. Winnie is not here. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) When The Financial Writers Association asked me to host an event for the world of finance, I was shocked. I'm known in Washington not Wall Street... (BEAT) ... but then they informed me that Washington is actually in the process of buying Wall Street, so it all makes sense. Laughter... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I asked them if anything's off limits. And they said to stay away from the brokerages, banks and insurers... (pause for effect, then...) ... where the fuck was that advice five months ago? More laughter. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I see Sammy Rosen's here. The spotlight finds SAMMY ROSEN, billionaire hedge funder. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Sammy, how are you? From his table... SAMMY ROSEN Doing well. BILL MAHER (to the room) Of course he is... in the amount of time it took for us to have that exchange, he made three hundred and nine thousand dollars. (back to Sammy) Sammy, let me give you some free advice, the next time someone with bad eyesight wants to sell you a hundred and fifty million dollar painting... don't let them personally deliver it. 87. It's an inside joke that this room gets... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Somebody told me Gordon Gekko is here. Gordon... ? Across the room, a spotlight finds Gordon... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) There you are. I have some inside information for you, Gekko... sex sells books, not bread lines. Gordon smiles and raises his glass up to Bill. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Talk about your sour grapes. Seriously Gordon -- just because the SEC doesn't let you make obscene amounts of money by being wrong and nefarious doesn't mean you have to ruin it for all of these hard working people. The room applauds... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Okay, we have a video to show now. It's a very detailed and academic account of the current mortgage crises. Let `er rip! And the room goes dark... and on the screen plays a childlike roughly illustrated stick-figure skit being narrated by children. FIRST FRAME Under the caption "Main Street National Bank" is a drawing of a Poor Man sitting across from a Banker Man behind his desk. POOR MAN I'd like a mortgage... I don't really have any money though... is that cool? BANKER MAN Totally cool. Since housing prices are always going up it won't be a problem. POOR MAN You guys are awesome! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "A few weeks later at the bank..." Banker Man now stands over a pile of steaming shit. 88. BANKER MAN Wow, these mortgages are really beginning to smell. I better sell them to smart people. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Smart People Investment Bank" Smart Man stands over the same steaming pile of shit. SMART MAN Wow, these mortgages we just bought really smell. I better sell them to foreigners. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "The CDO Factory" our smart man oversees an assembly line of stick figure workers. SMART MAN (CONT'D) Mix those crappy mortgages in real good with the clean ones so the rating agencies won't smell them. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Rich Man Hedge Fund" a stick figure named Rich Man sits behind his desk and holds a phone to his ear. RICH MAN Good news, Smart Man, not only did foreigners buy those traunches, but so did school boards and charities and big pensions. (BEAT) Why did they buy them you ask? Well, they were looking for a really secure risk-free investment and they were all triple A, so... NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Norwegian Village Pension Fund" a Norwegian Man sits behind his desk and shouts into his phone. NORWEGIAN MAN Hey man! What the fuck? We're not receiving our monthly payments! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Rich Man Hedge Fund," Rich Man at his desk on the phone. RICH MAN Yeah, we fucked up. 89. And it now shuffles between the last two frames... the Norwegian Man and Rich Man. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the rating agencies? RICH MAN Yeah, they fucked up too. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the investment bank that put these CDO's together? RICH MAN Fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the bank that made the original loan? RICH MAN Totally fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What am I supposed to tell my villagers? RICH MAN That you fucked up. The final frame Just the rendering of that steaming pile of shit under the caption... "The End." And the lights go on to a some subdued laughter and a smattering of applause. BILL MAHER What a year -- enjoy the night! INT. FINANCIAL FOLLIES - LATER Desert is served. Jackets are off, cigars are lit, Bretton's wife has gone home. The group at the table is a little drunk and having a good time. BRETTON WOODS It's a good question... what do you think, George? GEORGE, an investment banker at the table, thinks about it. GEORGE The definition of rich... flying private. The table reacts... some agree, other don't. George turns to Jacob. 90. GEORGE (CONT'D) Jacob... ? What do you think? JACOB To be rich... is to have the love of a good woman. They all boo... JACOB (CONT'D) (with a smile) For real... I truly believe that. And Jacob turns to Bretton... JACOB (CONT'D) Bretton... what's your definition of rich? An approaching voice answers it for him. VOICE (O.S.) To have twice as much money as you currently do. As he takes a seat... GORDON GEKKO Isn't that what you always say, Bretton? Then... announcing to the table... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) He brings up the question, runs it round the table then finishes with that. It's an old bit. Also announcing to the table... BRETTON WOODS Be careful Gordon... (looking at Jacob) ... your daughter's financial health is in my hands now. Jacob loses his smile... suddenly becoming uncomfortable. GORDON GEKKO That's right. (BEAT) And the way The Locust Fund has been buying up the insurance companies lately makes me worried about my future grandchildren's college educations. JACOB (TO BRETTON) I didn't tell him. 91. BRETTON WOODS No, I don't suppose you did. Bretton looks over to Jacob. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Go ahead, Jacob, preach your book... defend your names. And Jacob turns to Gordon... JACOB We have a proactive central bank, the charts show a clear bottom on July 15th and these companies are trading at half of what they were six months ago. GORDON GEKKO Just cause it's low don't make it cheap, Sport. JACOB I read your book. GORDON GEKKO It's not out yet. JACOB I have a friend in publishing. (BEAT) 25% unemployment... stagflation... bread lines... Martial law... government seizures of assets and gold... end of democracy... Bretton leans back... taking in this sparring match. JACOB (CONT'D) Really Gordon? Do you really need attention that badly? GORDON GEKKO Since I have forty-four seconds to spare, I'm going to tell you a story. It's about a guy named Sam. And we go close on Gekko... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Sam used to work a job, he made things and he grew things and he sold those things. Until one day Sam got a credit card and was amazed how easy it was to buy things with it. So Sam got another card and then another. Then he used the credit card money to make it look like he had an income... and he used that "income" to secure a loan. (MORE) 92. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And with that loan Sam bought a fancy BMW car and rented a fancy penthouse apartment. (BEAT) Now, the credit cards hit their limit and the bank needed him to service that loan, so Sam went to his friends. His Chinese friend... and his Japanese friend... and his British friend and so on. And his friends loaned Sam money. (ANOTHER BEAT) And that brings us to today... where Sam owes the credit cards and Sam owes the banks and Sam owes his friends and eventually they're going to take away Sam's fancy BMW car and his fancy penthouse apartment. And Jacob can now see... in Gordon Gekko's eyes... he truly believes every word he's saying. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And Sam doesn't make anything anymore and Sam doesn't grow anything anymore so Sam doesn't sell anything anymore. As he stands... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Our favorite Uncle Sam's desperate, Jake... and he just found a printing press in his basement. (BEAT) So you tell me -- where do we go from here? And with that, Gordon Gekko goes. BRETTON WOODS (RE GEKKO) It is sad isn't it? That he can't just take his ball and go home. (BEAT) That he has to piss on the whole game. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - MORNING Rushed, Jacob heads through the lobby of his building. Diego catches his stride. DIEGO (doing his best Howard COSELL) Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! And Jacob just keeps walking... 93. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - MORNING Jacob heads into the office to find Bretton sitting behind his desk. BRETTON WOODS They're not going to save it. They're just going to let it bloody die! And sure enough... on the tv... Fox Business runs footage of Lehman Brother's demise. On the screen, the chyron screams: $700 BILLION GOVERNMENT BAILOUT TO THE BANKS! ALEXIS GLICK (ON TV) And as another US banking institution collapses, Congress is working quickly on a bailout package that will distribute over three hundred billion dollars to other banks in trouble. Bretton turns off the tv and looks to Jacob with... BRETTON WOODS We're getting fucking killed. And Jacob looks up to his electronic ticker... MCC $18.53 -2.34, ACN $12.04 -1.35, ISS $7.03 -.65. JACOB It's capitulation. Bretton holds Jacob's look... fighting to keep his composure. Until... he simply stands and offers Jacob his desk back. BRETTON WOODS Then buy more. Jacob takes his chair and reaches for the phone. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Cost us down to current levels. Jacob looks up, surprised. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) It's just a question of time before this turns around... right? And he glares at Jacob. JACOB Right. Bretton just stares nervously at the electronic ticker... a frazzled gambler talking himself into his bet. BRETTON WOODS Fuck it. 94. As he goes... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Leverage is sexy. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on Sept 16th then travels down the trend line and stops. And as a circle is formed around the Sept 24th, we... CUT TO: INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT LCD reads 4:43 am. Jacob lays awake... staring at the ceiling. WINNIE (O.S.) I would hear him in the kitchen. Jacob turns to see she's awake. JACOB I'm sorry, you have an early train. I'm going to just go to the office now. She leans up. WINNIE He didn't want to keep my mother awake so he'd go into the kitchen and sit there. I could hear him because my room was right up the back stairs.

rises

How many times the word 'rises' appears in the text?

(CONT'D) Good job, Jacob... And as they head out into the Dubai heat... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.)(PRE-LAP) So he trust you now. EXT. BOWLING GREEN PARK - DAY The iconic charging bull of Wall Street. JACOB (V.O.) I think so. Travel the park to find... Jacob and Gordon stopping at the food vendors. GORDON GEKKO Well, I'm happy to help. (AND THEN) What about your end of the trade, Sport? JACOB Oh... I'm still working on it. (BEAT) I'll talk to her. I promise. GORDON GEKKO (TO VENDOR) Hot dog. (TO JACOB) What do you want? JACOB (TO VENDOR) I'll take a pretzel. As they get their food and walk... GORDON GEKKO So you're a hedge fund cowboy now? Shaking his head... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Goddamn hedge funds -- what a racket. Playing the world casino, betting other people's money with leverage. And it's completely legal and completely unregulated. (MORE) 71. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) The hustles they get away with make insider trading seem like a parking ticket. SLAM INTO THE FRONTIER FUND/TRADING PIT Rows and rows of computers in a large dark room.... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Nassim Tariq and his Frontier Fund. With their slews of MIT grads who become glorified millionaire robots pushing buttons... ... with casually dressed ASIANS and INDIANS in their 20s working the keyboards like zombies. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... slaves to top-secret propriety elegant algorithms that work until they don't. AND SLAM INTO ESSEX CAPITAL ADVISERS/CONFERENCE ROOM A stuffy conference room half-filled with bored MEN in their 40s watching a presentation... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or the baby cub funds like Sammy Rosen's Essex Advisers... filled with Goldman Sachs and Julian Robertson pedigree. Most of the men type on their blackberrys... one is actually asleep. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Men who are way too rich, lazy and tired to run money properly anymore. THEN SLAM INTO THE DANIELS ACTIVIST FUND/ALLAN DANIELS'S OFFICE A small cluttered office with papers strewn about... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or Allan Daniel's and his bully operation. ALLAN DANIELS, a small bull-dog of a man, paces back and forth... dictating in anger. His SECRETARY types down every word he's shouting. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... with his angry letters to company boards that are nothing but veiled threats in the name of activism. AND RIGHT BACK TO BOWLING GREEN PARK Where Gordon stops walking... 72. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) So you're inside... you have his trust... and now you want to know what's next. And Jacob's look over to Gekko confirms this. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Here's the thing about Bretton. He puts all of his money into his own fund which makes him stupid, egotistical, and most importantly... vulnerable. (BEAT) And he chases. He doesn't take losses well and he chases with leverage. He thinks he's a trader, he thinks he's an investor but he's not. He's a gambler. Regarding Jacob... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) That pretzel looks good. Jacob just shrugs. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Care to make a trade? JACOB Whatever. And they trade. The hotdog for the pretzel. GORDON GEKKO As for your end of our trade. (BEAT) Find a way for me to reunite with my daughter, Jake. Because we both know how she would react to the fact that you've been lying to her about bonding with your future father-in-law. Just standing there... holding that hot dog... JACOB Is that a threat? Looking Jacob dead on... GORDON GEKKO Absolutely. Jacob just shakes his head with a laugh... now realizing that Gekko talked him into this position for this exact leverage. JACOB You're priceless, Gordon. 73. With a smile... GORDON GEKKO Just be happy I'm on your team. (AND THEN) Get him into a bad position and watch him chase it. JACOB What bad position? GORDON GEKKO What have I been saying all along, Kid? JACOB Financials. GORDON GEKKO They're a death trap -- mark my words. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As Jacob takes in his new view... it's spectacular. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) But he won't fall for a brokerage or bank play this late in the game. Everyone knows they're poison. AND TIME LAPSE As the office grows furniture... a plasma on the wall... a computer on the desk... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Sell him on insurance. There's a case to be made for those stocks... ill- fated as they may be. ... books on the shelves... pictures on the walls... a couch and table... a paper shredder and waste baskets... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) But take your time... make him think you've been doing your due diligence. Find Jacob at his desk... working away at his computer... it's late at night. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Make it look like you're working your ass off to find him this genius trade... come in early, leave late and don't bring up the idea for at least a few weeks. And Jacob finally gets up from his desk... goes to the window... looking across midtown Manhattan... 74. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) And then Jacob... ... eyes pasted on a building made of glass and steel... a building he once called home... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... sell him hard... then watch him bite... then watch him chase... ... KZI Investments. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... then watch him come undone. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - DAY Holding his suitcase, Jacob emerges from the elevator and heads for a waiting town car. Jacob sees Diego... JACOB Bring it. Diego smiles... loves this new one... DIEGO What's the most dangerous question on Wall Street? JACOB Tell me. DIEGO "How are you?" And Jacob agrees whole-heartedly as he heads on his way. EXT. WASHINGTON DC - MORNING As the sun rises over our nation's capital. EXT. ROCK CREEK PARK - MORNING Winnie and Jacob jog the park through the humid July haze. It's very early. And Jacob stops jogging. Catches his breath. She keeps running. JACOB Why are you with me? She stops and turns back to him. WINNIE What? 75. JACOB You hate finance. You hate Wall Street. Why are you with me? Winnie nods. It's a valid question. And she thinks about it for a moment, then... WINNIE Repetition compulsion. JACOB Huh? WINNIE It's Freud. JACOB And what does it mean, psych major? WINNIE Well, it's when people repeat the same dysfunctional relationships from childhood in their adult life in hopes of trying to master them. JACOB Like when children of alcoholics fall in love with alcoholics. WINNIE Yeah. He turns away... upset. JACOB That's great, Winnie. WINNIE Jacob, that might be why I was initially attracted to you... but it's not why I love you. She moves to him. WINNIE (CONT'D) I love you because you're compassionate and you care so deeply about what you do and you have like no ego, it's crazy. She reaches to him... turning his face to meet hers. WINNIE (CONT'D) And you're the smartest person I've ever met... and there's nobody I trust more in the world. Jacob looks away... almost ashamed. And Winnie can sense something's not right. 76. WINNIE (CONT'D) What's wrong? JACOB Nothing... As Jacob draws in a deep breath, collects himself and finally turns back to her with... JACOB (CONT'D) I just wish you would master that relationship from childhood so you can move forward with this one. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on July 20th then travels down the trend and stops. And as a circle is formed around August 11th, we... CUT TO: EXT. WESTSIDE HIGHWAY- DAY And Manhattan... as it sweats through the heart of summer. Two jetvans ride uptown... INT. JETVAN - DAY As Jacob rides with Bretton... JACOB Bretton... I found something I like. Bretton looks over to him. BRETTON WOODS I've been wondering when my new portfolio manager was going to come to me with something special. JACOB I just wanted to make sure I would be bringing you the smartest idea possible. I know you don't go light. Confirming... BRETTON WOODS That's right. If I commit to this... we go large and we don't back down. JACOB It might be better to do this in the office. I have color and support to PRESENT-- Waving him off... 77. BRETTON WOODS C'mon Jacob, you know that's not how we do. EXT. ADIRONDACK FOREST PRESERVE - DAY 2.7 million acres of State protected majestic land. All nature... rivers and lakes... cypresses and maples. Clean air. And trails. Many trails that go on for miles. As the two Becker jetvans arrive at a restricted area, a STATE RANGER opens the gate and allows them to drive through then park. Jacob and Bretton emerge from the jetvan. BRETTON WOODS This is how we do. And with a nod, the DRIVER of the other jetvan opens it to reveal two motorcycles inside. Bretton's MTT Turbine Superbike and an Agusta, these bikes are handcrafted works of art as much as they are demons of speed. Jacob laughs in disbelief and excitement. JACOB And we're allowed to ride these through here? Sucking in the fresh summer air... BRETTON WOODS No. AND JACOB AND BRETTON Now decked out in leather riding gear... on the bikes... at the mouth of the trail... revving the engines... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Follow me... And with that, shoots into the forest. Jacob quickly follows. AND THEY RIDE Winding through the trees... along the side of a river... Bretton riding extremely fast with Jacob trying to keep up. Bretton reaches a clearing and waits for Jacob to catch up. Once he does... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) You're going to have to keep up. JACOB Okay. I'm just getting used to it. 78. BRETTON WOODS Tell me your idea. JACOB Here? BRETTON WOODS Where else? JACOB Right. Okay. (COLLECTING HIMSELF) Are you still short any of the financials? BRETTON WOODS No. After KZI, I took profits. JACOB I think it's time to go the other way. BRETTON WOODS Banks? JACOB Insurance companies. I'm talking the old school insurers that have become the babies thrown out with the bath water. Jacob waits for a reaction from Bretton. But all he gets is... BRETTON WOODS Keep up! And with that, Bretton rips into the clearing. Jacob rides just as fast. They're neck and neck... it's definitely a race. Bretton pulls ahead but Jacob doesn't give up. As they move quickly toward a patch of forest with a only narrow trail entering it, Jacob focuses on the horizon and revs the bike into more speed. He pulls up next to Bretton as they approach the trail. If Jacob doesn't slow down, and fall in line behind Bretton, he's going to hit the trees. But he doesn't. Instead, Jacob blasts the bike into its final dose of speed, narrowly avoiding impact by zipping into the trail... pulling ahead of Bretton and taking the lead. A TRANQUIL LAKE As it sits still in the setting sun. Untouched by man. Bretton and Jacob get off the bikes and walk to the shore. As they catch their breaths and enjoy the beauty... 79. JACOB The basket of stocks I'm putting together focuses on reinsurance brokering and management services for businesses. They're trading below book and have large dividends. (BEAT) I say we buy them here. Bretton thinks about it. He's not sure. BRETTON WOODS Financials are a falling knife. Jacob nods... JACOB I'm not arguing that... but the best opportunities are found where angels fear to tread. Jacob can see... he has Bretton on the hook. JACOB (CONT'D) So yeah -- they are falling knives. But Bretton... And with confidence... driving it home... JACOB (CONT'D) ... what's life without a little blood on your hands? INT. JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As WORKERS install an electronic ticker that wraps around the top circumference of the whole office... similar to the one Andrew Zabel had. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) Okay. Then I want you to build positions in your favorite three names. Jacob picks up the phone and... THE SCREEN SPLITS IN TWO With Jacob on top and Robby on the bottom. As Robby takes the order and starts typing into his Bloomberg... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I want you stealth. Use all six trading desks we're in business with. NOW ROBBY'S HALF OF THE SCREEN SPLITS INTO 6 SMALL BOXES 80. Six different trading desks... six different BROKERS taking calls from Jacob who still owns the whole top half of the screen. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) And if they go down... we increase our size. AND BACK TO JACOB Leaning back... feet on desk... staring at the ticker... which only has three stocks on it... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) See Jacob -- I don't believe in "wrong." MCC at $21.65, ACN at $16.24 and ISS at $7.23. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I only believe in "not right yet." EXT. UPPER WEST SIDE - NIGHT A rainstorm takes over the city. A cab pulls out front of Shun Lee Cafe. INT. TAXI - NIGHT Winnie sucks in a deep breath. WINNIE He chose this restaurant. Jacob confirms. WINNIE (CONT'D) We used to come here every Sunday night. He takes her hand. JACOB You're going to be fine. WINNIE I'm only doing this for you. JACOB No. You're doing this for you. She just glares at him. WINNIE We're never having sex again. JACOB Then what my friends say about marriage will be true. 81. And she nervously fights back a smile... WINNIE Oh, shut up. INT. SHUN LEE CAFE - NIGHT The HOST leads Winnie and Jacob through the grand dining room. Gordon sees them and stands up. We can tell he's anxious as well. GORDON GEKKO Hi. Fighting back the nerves... WINNIE Hey. They just stand there. Jacob holds out his hand. JACOB Mr. Gekko, I'm Jacob Moore, we spoke on the phone. Nice to finally meet in person. Gekko just looks at him for an extra long beat, then... shakes his hand. GORDON GEKKO Yes. They all sit. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Jacob, shall we get some wine? JACOB I don't drink. GORDON GEKKO Oh... okay. Then Gordon attempts a smile over to his daughter. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Let me guess... the ginger garlic lobster. WINNIE (TO JACOB) I used to order that every time. She closes her menu. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm not really hungry. 82. GORDON GEKKO I've been following your career, Winnie. Senator Lehigh said some very nice things about you in The American Prospect interview. WINNIE Yeah. She's really been... very... supportive of my... And it trails off... as she just glares at Gordon. WINNIE (CONT'D) I can't do this. She exhales, stands and looks down to Jacob. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm sorry. I can't do this. And she quickly walks off. Jacob frozen. Until Gordon looks over to him with... GORDON GEKKO It's okay. This is a long term investment. (BEAT) Go after her. She needs you. And Jacob does. As Gordon looks down... disappointed. INT. WEST 65TH - NIGHT Pouring rain. Jacob runs after her. JACOB Winnie... Winnie... He turns her around. WINNIE You don't understand. Her tears being washed away by the rain. WINNIE (CONT'D) My mother couldn't handle Rudy. He was so out of control. I couldn't help him. Jacob takes her into his hold... WINNIE (CONT'D) (RE GEKKO) If he wasn't in prison... if he had been there. I know it would've been different. JACOB Your brother's dead, Winnie. 83. Squeezing her tight... JACOB (CONT'D) Your father isn't. WINNIE He's not the person people think he is. JACOB It was a long time ago. She pulls out of his embrace... WINNIE He'll hurt us. Can't we just go home? Please... Jacob. It's raining. And he just looks at her for a long moment... soaking wet and shivering... crying and exposed. JACOB (what am I doing?) I love you. You don't have to do this. (AND THEN) Let's just go home. INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Darkness. The phone rings. Jacob answers it. JACOB Yes. INTERCUT WITH... BRETTON WOODS Your insurance companies are down. He's working a coffee in the master suite of The Black Swan Home... JACOB Bretton. BRETTON WOODS I want to increase our size. Glancing at the LCD, 12:23am... JACOB Okay. Good. It's just a matter of time before they turn. I'll call the DESKS TOMORROW-- BRETTON WOODS Jacob, I want you to triple our positions on all three. 84. Jacob takes a beat. JACOB Okay. BRETTON WOODS And they better fucking go up. Click. And as Jacob just looks at the phone... GORDON GEKKO (PRELAP) The instant you know you're in trouble is the exact moment when a sound investment thesis turns into blind hope. INT. NORMA'S - MORNING Jacob sits across from Gordon at this well-known breakfast spot in the Parker Meridian hotel. GORDON GEKKO Tripling the size... that's a very aggressive move. Jacob nods. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And I promise you he's using leverage to do this. JACOB He's chasing. Suddenly, a MAN approaches the table. He's in his thirties. TOM Mr Gekko, I'm Tom Sanders. I write for Barrons. GORDON GEKKO I've heard of it. Letting out a little laugh... TOM I'm sure you have. (BEAT) Well, I'm doing a piece of Wall Street moguls who ended up going to prison. I've already talked to Boesky and Milken and would love to sit down with you. GORDON GEKKO Can you give me the cover? Tom isn't sure if Gordon's serious. Either is Jacob. 85. TOM Well, I... um... don't make those decisions. GORDON GEKKO Get me the cover and I'll give you seventy minutes. Tom politely smiles. TOM I'll... take that as a no. ... and goes. Gordon looks down to his breakfast and quietly asserts... GORDON GEKKO (almost to himself) Both those assholes got the cover when they were convicted. And after a moment... JACOB How do we know the insurance companies are going to continue going down? As he casually places his egg on a piece of toast... GORDON GEKKO It's all going down. ... and takes a bite. AND THREE CHARTS NOW FILL THE SCREEN Side by side... above the charts are written respectively MCC, ACN and ISS. And we follow all the three trend lines from Aug 17th forward to the right... and they all move down. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Just wait. And we stop in September. And as a blue circle is formed over Sept 13th on all three charts, we... CUT TO: TIME WARNER CENTER/BALLROOM This is The Financial Follies... an annual event held by the financial writers association. 500 people sit at tables, enjoying this dinner and live show that pokes fun at people in the world of finance. Everyone who's anyone in high finance is here. 86. On the stage, the spotlight finds BILL MAHER and the applause breaks out... BILL MAHER Welcome to the 2008 Financial Follies! (APPLAUDS) I'm Bill Maher and I'm getting paid in Euros. Jacob shares a table with Bretton, Bretton's wife and a few other FINANCIAL PLAYERS. Winnie is not here. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) When The Financial Writers Association asked me to host an event for the world of finance, I was shocked. I'm known in Washington not Wall Street... (BEAT) ... but then they informed me that Washington is actually in the process of buying Wall Street, so it all makes sense. Laughter... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I asked them if anything's off limits. And they said to stay away from the brokerages, banks and insurers... (pause for effect, then...) ... where the fuck was that advice five months ago? More laughter. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I see Sammy Rosen's here. The spotlight finds SAMMY ROSEN, billionaire hedge funder. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Sammy, how are you? From his table... SAMMY ROSEN Doing well. BILL MAHER (to the room) Of course he is... in the amount of time it took for us to have that exchange, he made three hundred and nine thousand dollars. (back to Sammy) Sammy, let me give you some free advice, the next time someone with bad eyesight wants to sell you a hundred and fifty million dollar painting... don't let them personally deliver it. 87. It's an inside joke that this room gets... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Somebody told me Gordon Gekko is here. Gordon... ? Across the room, a spotlight finds Gordon... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) There you are. I have some inside information for you, Gekko... sex sells books, not bread lines. Gordon smiles and raises his glass up to Bill. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Talk about your sour grapes. Seriously Gordon -- just because the SEC doesn't let you make obscene amounts of money by being wrong and nefarious doesn't mean you have to ruin it for all of these hard working people. The room applauds... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Okay, we have a video to show now. It's a very detailed and academic account of the current mortgage crises. Let `er rip! And the room goes dark... and on the screen plays a childlike roughly illustrated stick-figure skit being narrated by children. FIRST FRAME Under the caption "Main Street National Bank" is a drawing of a Poor Man sitting across from a Banker Man behind his desk. POOR MAN I'd like a mortgage... I don't really have any money though... is that cool? BANKER MAN Totally cool. Since housing prices are always going up it won't be a problem. POOR MAN You guys are awesome! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "A few weeks later at the bank..." Banker Man now stands over a pile of steaming shit. 88. BANKER MAN Wow, these mortgages are really beginning to smell. I better sell them to smart people. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Smart People Investment Bank" Smart Man stands over the same steaming pile of shit. SMART MAN Wow, these mortgages we just bought really smell. I better sell them to foreigners. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "The CDO Factory" our smart man oversees an assembly line of stick figure workers. SMART MAN (CONT'D) Mix those crappy mortgages in real good with the clean ones so the rating agencies won't smell them. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Rich Man Hedge Fund" a stick figure named Rich Man sits behind his desk and holds a phone to his ear. RICH MAN Good news, Smart Man, not only did foreigners buy those traunches, but so did school boards and charities and big pensions. (BEAT) Why did they buy them you ask? Well, they were looking for a really secure risk-free investment and they were all triple A, so... NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Norwegian Village Pension Fund" a Norwegian Man sits behind his desk and shouts into his phone. NORWEGIAN MAN Hey man! What the fuck? We're not receiving our monthly payments! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Rich Man Hedge Fund," Rich Man at his desk on the phone. RICH MAN Yeah, we fucked up. 89. And it now shuffles between the last two frames... the Norwegian Man and Rich Man. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the rating agencies? RICH MAN Yeah, they fucked up too. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the investment bank that put these CDO's together? RICH MAN Fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the bank that made the original loan? RICH MAN Totally fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What am I supposed to tell my villagers? RICH MAN That you fucked up. The final frame Just the rendering of that steaming pile of shit under the caption... "The End." And the lights go on to a some subdued laughter and a smattering of applause. BILL MAHER What a year -- enjoy the night! INT. FINANCIAL FOLLIES - LATER Desert is served. Jackets are off, cigars are lit, Bretton's wife has gone home. The group at the table is a little drunk and having a good time. BRETTON WOODS It's a good question... what do you think, George? GEORGE, an investment banker at the table, thinks about it. GEORGE The definition of rich... flying private. The table reacts... some agree, other don't. George turns to Jacob. 90. GEORGE (CONT'D) Jacob... ? What do you think? JACOB To be rich... is to have the love of a good woman. They all boo... JACOB (CONT'D) (with a smile) For real... I truly believe that. And Jacob turns to Bretton... JACOB (CONT'D) Bretton... what's your definition of rich? An approaching voice answers it for him. VOICE (O.S.) To have twice as much money as you currently do. As he takes a seat... GORDON GEKKO Isn't that what you always say, Bretton? Then... announcing to the table... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) He brings up the question, runs it round the table then finishes with that. It's an old bit. Also announcing to the table... BRETTON WOODS Be careful Gordon... (looking at Jacob) ... your daughter's financial health is in my hands now. Jacob loses his smile... suddenly becoming uncomfortable. GORDON GEKKO That's right. (BEAT) And the way The Locust Fund has been buying up the insurance companies lately makes me worried about my future grandchildren's college educations. JACOB (TO BRETTON) I didn't tell him. 91. BRETTON WOODS No, I don't suppose you did. Bretton looks over to Jacob. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Go ahead, Jacob, preach your book... defend your names. And Jacob turns to Gordon... JACOB We have a proactive central bank, the charts show a clear bottom on July 15th and these companies are trading at half of what they were six months ago. GORDON GEKKO Just cause it's low don't make it cheap, Sport. JACOB I read your book. GORDON GEKKO It's not out yet. JACOB I have a friend in publishing. (BEAT) 25% unemployment... stagflation... bread lines... Martial law... government seizures of assets and gold... end of democracy... Bretton leans back... taking in this sparring match. JACOB (CONT'D) Really Gordon? Do you really need attention that badly? GORDON GEKKO Since I have forty-four seconds to spare, I'm going to tell you a story. It's about a guy named Sam. And we go close on Gekko... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Sam used to work a job, he made things and he grew things and he sold those things. Until one day Sam got a credit card and was amazed how easy it was to buy things with it. So Sam got another card and then another. Then he used the credit card money to make it look like he had an income... and he used that "income" to secure a loan. (MORE) 92. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And with that loan Sam bought a fancy BMW car and rented a fancy penthouse apartment. (BEAT) Now, the credit cards hit their limit and the bank needed him to service that loan, so Sam went to his friends. His Chinese friend... and his Japanese friend... and his British friend and so on. And his friends loaned Sam money. (ANOTHER BEAT) And that brings us to today... where Sam owes the credit cards and Sam owes the banks and Sam owes his friends and eventually they're going to take away Sam's fancy BMW car and his fancy penthouse apartment. And Jacob can now see... in Gordon Gekko's eyes... he truly believes every word he's saying. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And Sam doesn't make anything anymore and Sam doesn't grow anything anymore so Sam doesn't sell anything anymore. As he stands... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Our favorite Uncle Sam's desperate, Jake... and he just found a printing press in his basement. (BEAT) So you tell me -- where do we go from here? And with that, Gordon Gekko goes. BRETTON WOODS (RE GEKKO) It is sad isn't it? That he can't just take his ball and go home. (BEAT) That he has to piss on the whole game. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - MORNING Rushed, Jacob heads through the lobby of his building. Diego catches his stride. DIEGO (doing his best Howard COSELL) Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! And Jacob just keeps walking... 93. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - MORNING Jacob heads into the office to find Bretton sitting behind his desk. BRETTON WOODS They're not going to save it. They're just going to let it bloody die! And sure enough... on the tv... Fox Business runs footage of Lehman Brother's demise. On the screen, the chyron screams: $700 BILLION GOVERNMENT BAILOUT TO THE BANKS! ALEXIS GLICK (ON TV) And as another US banking institution collapses, Congress is working quickly on a bailout package that will distribute over three hundred billion dollars to other banks in trouble. Bretton turns off the tv and looks to Jacob with... BRETTON WOODS We're getting fucking killed. And Jacob looks up to his electronic ticker... MCC $18.53 -2.34, ACN $12.04 -1.35, ISS $7.03 -.65. JACOB It's capitulation. Bretton holds Jacob's look... fighting to keep his composure. Until... he simply stands and offers Jacob his desk back. BRETTON WOODS Then buy more. Jacob takes his chair and reaches for the phone. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Cost us down to current levels. Jacob looks up, surprised. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) It's just a question of time before this turns around... right? And he glares at Jacob. JACOB Right. Bretton just stares nervously at the electronic ticker... a frazzled gambler talking himself into his bet. BRETTON WOODS Fuck it. 94. As he goes... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Leverage is sexy. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on Sept 16th then travels down the trend line and stops. And as a circle is formed around the Sept 24th, we... CUT TO: INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT LCD reads 4:43 am. Jacob lays awake... staring at the ceiling. WINNIE (O.S.) I would hear him in the kitchen. Jacob turns to see she's awake. JACOB I'm sorry, you have an early train. I'm going to just go to the office now. She leans up. WINNIE He didn't want to keep my mother awake so he'd go into the kitchen and sit there. I could hear him because my room was right up the back stairs.

warin

How many times the word 'warin' appears in the text?

(CONT'D) Good job, Jacob... And as they head out into the Dubai heat... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.)(PRE-LAP) So he trust you now. EXT. BOWLING GREEN PARK - DAY The iconic charging bull of Wall Street. JACOB (V.O.) I think so. Travel the park to find... Jacob and Gordon stopping at the food vendors. GORDON GEKKO Well, I'm happy to help. (AND THEN) What about your end of the trade, Sport? JACOB Oh... I'm still working on it. (BEAT) I'll talk to her. I promise. GORDON GEKKO (TO VENDOR) Hot dog. (TO JACOB) What do you want? JACOB (TO VENDOR) I'll take a pretzel. As they get their food and walk... GORDON GEKKO So you're a hedge fund cowboy now? Shaking his head... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Goddamn hedge funds -- what a racket. Playing the world casino, betting other people's money with leverage. And it's completely legal and completely unregulated. (MORE) 71. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) The hustles they get away with make insider trading seem like a parking ticket. SLAM INTO THE FRONTIER FUND/TRADING PIT Rows and rows of computers in a large dark room.... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Nassim Tariq and his Frontier Fund. With their slews of MIT grads who become glorified millionaire robots pushing buttons... ... with casually dressed ASIANS and INDIANS in their 20s working the keyboards like zombies. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... slaves to top-secret propriety elegant algorithms that work until they don't. AND SLAM INTO ESSEX CAPITAL ADVISERS/CONFERENCE ROOM A stuffy conference room half-filled with bored MEN in their 40s watching a presentation... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or the baby cub funds like Sammy Rosen's Essex Advisers... filled with Goldman Sachs and Julian Robertson pedigree. Most of the men type on their blackberrys... one is actually asleep. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Men who are way too rich, lazy and tired to run money properly anymore. THEN SLAM INTO THE DANIELS ACTIVIST FUND/ALLAN DANIELS'S OFFICE A small cluttered office with papers strewn about... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or Allan Daniel's and his bully operation. ALLAN DANIELS, a small bull-dog of a man, paces back and forth... dictating in anger. His SECRETARY types down every word he's shouting. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... with his angry letters to company boards that are nothing but veiled threats in the name of activism. AND RIGHT BACK TO BOWLING GREEN PARK Where Gordon stops walking... 72. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) So you're inside... you have his trust... and now you want to know what's next. And Jacob's look over to Gekko confirms this. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Here's the thing about Bretton. He puts all of his money into his own fund which makes him stupid, egotistical, and most importantly... vulnerable. (BEAT) And he chases. He doesn't take losses well and he chases with leverage. He thinks he's a trader, he thinks he's an investor but he's not. He's a gambler. Regarding Jacob... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) That pretzel looks good. Jacob just shrugs. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Care to make a trade? JACOB Whatever. And they trade. The hotdog for the pretzel. GORDON GEKKO As for your end of our trade. (BEAT) Find a way for me to reunite with my daughter, Jake. Because we both know how she would react to the fact that you've been lying to her about bonding with your future father-in-law. Just standing there... holding that hot dog... JACOB Is that a threat? Looking Jacob dead on... GORDON GEKKO Absolutely. Jacob just shakes his head with a laugh... now realizing that Gekko talked him into this position for this exact leverage. JACOB You're priceless, Gordon. 73. With a smile... GORDON GEKKO Just be happy I'm on your team. (AND THEN) Get him into a bad position and watch him chase it. JACOB What bad position? GORDON GEKKO What have I been saying all along, Kid? JACOB Financials. GORDON GEKKO They're a death trap -- mark my words. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As Jacob takes in his new view... it's spectacular. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) But he won't fall for a brokerage or bank play this late in the game. Everyone knows they're poison. AND TIME LAPSE As the office grows furniture... a plasma on the wall... a computer on the desk... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Sell him on insurance. There's a case to be made for those stocks... ill- fated as they may be. ... books on the shelves... pictures on the walls... a couch and table... a paper shredder and waste baskets... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) But take your time... make him think you've been doing your due diligence. Find Jacob at his desk... working away at his computer... it's late at night. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Make it look like you're working your ass off to find him this genius trade... come in early, leave late and don't bring up the idea for at least a few weeks. And Jacob finally gets up from his desk... goes to the window... looking across midtown Manhattan... 74. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) And then Jacob... ... eyes pasted on a building made of glass and steel... a building he once called home... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... sell him hard... then watch him bite... then watch him chase... ... KZI Investments. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... then watch him come undone. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - DAY Holding his suitcase, Jacob emerges from the elevator and heads for a waiting town car. Jacob sees Diego... JACOB Bring it. Diego smiles... loves this new one... DIEGO What's the most dangerous question on Wall Street? JACOB Tell me. DIEGO "How are you?" And Jacob agrees whole-heartedly as he heads on his way. EXT. WASHINGTON DC - MORNING As the sun rises over our nation's capital. EXT. ROCK CREEK PARK - MORNING Winnie and Jacob jog the park through the humid July haze. It's very early. And Jacob stops jogging. Catches his breath. She keeps running. JACOB Why are you with me? She stops and turns back to him. WINNIE What? 75. JACOB You hate finance. You hate Wall Street. Why are you with me? Winnie nods. It's a valid question. And she thinks about it for a moment, then... WINNIE Repetition compulsion. JACOB Huh? WINNIE It's Freud. JACOB And what does it mean, psych major? WINNIE Well, it's when people repeat the same dysfunctional relationships from childhood in their adult life in hopes of trying to master them. JACOB Like when children of alcoholics fall in love with alcoholics. WINNIE Yeah. He turns away... upset. JACOB That's great, Winnie. WINNIE Jacob, that might be why I was initially attracted to you... but it's not why I love you. She moves to him. WINNIE (CONT'D) I love you because you're compassionate and you care so deeply about what you do and you have like no ego, it's crazy. She reaches to him... turning his face to meet hers. WINNIE (CONT'D) And you're the smartest person I've ever met... and there's nobody I trust more in the world. Jacob looks away... almost ashamed. And Winnie can sense something's not right. 76. WINNIE (CONT'D) What's wrong? JACOB Nothing... As Jacob draws in a deep breath, collects himself and finally turns back to her with... JACOB (CONT'D) I just wish you would master that relationship from childhood so you can move forward with this one. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on July 20th then travels down the trend and stops. And as a circle is formed around August 11th, we... CUT TO: EXT. WESTSIDE HIGHWAY- DAY And Manhattan... as it sweats through the heart of summer. Two jetvans ride uptown... INT. JETVAN - DAY As Jacob rides with Bretton... JACOB Bretton... I found something I like. Bretton looks over to him. BRETTON WOODS I've been wondering when my new portfolio manager was going to come to me with something special. JACOB I just wanted to make sure I would be bringing you the smartest idea possible. I know you don't go light. Confirming... BRETTON WOODS That's right. If I commit to this... we go large and we don't back down. JACOB It might be better to do this in the office. I have color and support to PRESENT-- Waving him off... 77. BRETTON WOODS C'mon Jacob, you know that's not how we do. EXT. ADIRONDACK FOREST PRESERVE - DAY 2.7 million acres of State protected majestic land. All nature... rivers and lakes... cypresses and maples. Clean air. And trails. Many trails that go on for miles. As the two Becker jetvans arrive at a restricted area, a STATE RANGER opens the gate and allows them to drive through then park. Jacob and Bretton emerge from the jetvan. BRETTON WOODS This is how we do. And with a nod, the DRIVER of the other jetvan opens it to reveal two motorcycles inside. Bretton's MTT Turbine Superbike and an Agusta, these bikes are handcrafted works of art as much as they are demons of speed. Jacob laughs in disbelief and excitement. JACOB And we're allowed to ride these through here? Sucking in the fresh summer air... BRETTON WOODS No. AND JACOB AND BRETTON Now decked out in leather riding gear... on the bikes... at the mouth of the trail... revving the engines... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Follow me... And with that, shoots into the forest. Jacob quickly follows. AND THEY RIDE Winding through the trees... along the side of a river... Bretton riding extremely fast with Jacob trying to keep up. Bretton reaches a clearing and waits for Jacob to catch up. Once he does... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) You're going to have to keep up. JACOB Okay. I'm just getting used to it. 78. BRETTON WOODS Tell me your idea. JACOB Here? BRETTON WOODS Where else? JACOB Right. Okay. (COLLECTING HIMSELF) Are you still short any of the financials? BRETTON WOODS No. After KZI, I took profits. JACOB I think it's time to go the other way. BRETTON WOODS Banks? JACOB Insurance companies. I'm talking the old school insurers that have become the babies thrown out with the bath water. Jacob waits for a reaction from Bretton. But all he gets is... BRETTON WOODS Keep up! And with that, Bretton rips into the clearing. Jacob rides just as fast. They're neck and neck... it's definitely a race. Bretton pulls ahead but Jacob doesn't give up. As they move quickly toward a patch of forest with a only narrow trail entering it, Jacob focuses on the horizon and revs the bike into more speed. He pulls up next to Bretton as they approach the trail. If Jacob doesn't slow down, and fall in line behind Bretton, he's going to hit the trees. But he doesn't. Instead, Jacob blasts the bike into its final dose of speed, narrowly avoiding impact by zipping into the trail... pulling ahead of Bretton and taking the lead. A TRANQUIL LAKE As it sits still in the setting sun. Untouched by man. Bretton and Jacob get off the bikes and walk to the shore. As they catch their breaths and enjoy the beauty... 79. JACOB The basket of stocks I'm putting together focuses on reinsurance brokering and management services for businesses. They're trading below book and have large dividends. (BEAT) I say we buy them here. Bretton thinks about it. He's not sure. BRETTON WOODS Financials are a falling knife. Jacob nods... JACOB I'm not arguing that... but the best opportunities are found where angels fear to tread. Jacob can see... he has Bretton on the hook. JACOB (CONT'D) So yeah -- they are falling knives. But Bretton... And with confidence... driving it home... JACOB (CONT'D) ... what's life without a little blood on your hands? INT. JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As WORKERS install an electronic ticker that wraps around the top circumference of the whole office... similar to the one Andrew Zabel had. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) Okay. Then I want you to build positions in your favorite three names. Jacob picks up the phone and... THE SCREEN SPLITS IN TWO With Jacob on top and Robby on the bottom. As Robby takes the order and starts typing into his Bloomberg... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I want you stealth. Use all six trading desks we're in business with. NOW ROBBY'S HALF OF THE SCREEN SPLITS INTO 6 SMALL BOXES 80. Six different trading desks... six different BROKERS taking calls from Jacob who still owns the whole top half of the screen. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) And if they go down... we increase our size. AND BACK TO JACOB Leaning back... feet on desk... staring at the ticker... which only has three stocks on it... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) See Jacob -- I don't believe in "wrong." MCC at $21.65, ACN at $16.24 and ISS at $7.23. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I only believe in "not right yet." EXT. UPPER WEST SIDE - NIGHT A rainstorm takes over the city. A cab pulls out front of Shun Lee Cafe. INT. TAXI - NIGHT Winnie sucks in a deep breath. WINNIE He chose this restaurant. Jacob confirms. WINNIE (CONT'D) We used to come here every Sunday night. He takes her hand. JACOB You're going to be fine. WINNIE I'm only doing this for you. JACOB No. You're doing this for you. She just glares at him. WINNIE We're never having sex again. JACOB Then what my friends say about marriage will be true. 81. And she nervously fights back a smile... WINNIE Oh, shut up. INT. SHUN LEE CAFE - NIGHT The HOST leads Winnie and Jacob through the grand dining room. Gordon sees them and stands up. We can tell he's anxious as well. GORDON GEKKO Hi. Fighting back the nerves... WINNIE Hey. They just stand there. Jacob holds out his hand. JACOB Mr. Gekko, I'm Jacob Moore, we spoke on the phone. Nice to finally meet in person. Gekko just looks at him for an extra long beat, then... shakes his hand. GORDON GEKKO Yes. They all sit. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Jacob, shall we get some wine? JACOB I don't drink. GORDON GEKKO Oh... okay. Then Gordon attempts a smile over to his daughter. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Let me guess... the ginger garlic lobster. WINNIE (TO JACOB) I used to order that every time. She closes her menu. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm not really hungry. 82. GORDON GEKKO I've been following your career, Winnie. Senator Lehigh said some very nice things about you in The American Prospect interview. WINNIE Yeah. She's really been... very... supportive of my... And it trails off... as she just glares at Gordon. WINNIE (CONT'D) I can't do this. She exhales, stands and looks down to Jacob. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm sorry. I can't do this. And she quickly walks off. Jacob frozen. Until Gordon looks over to him with... GORDON GEKKO It's okay. This is a long term investment. (BEAT) Go after her. She needs you. And Jacob does. As Gordon looks down... disappointed. INT. WEST 65TH - NIGHT Pouring rain. Jacob runs after her. JACOB Winnie... Winnie... He turns her around. WINNIE You don't understand. Her tears being washed away by the rain. WINNIE (CONT'D) My mother couldn't handle Rudy. He was so out of control. I couldn't help him. Jacob takes her into his hold... WINNIE (CONT'D) (RE GEKKO) If he wasn't in prison... if he had been there. I know it would've been different. JACOB Your brother's dead, Winnie. 83. Squeezing her tight... JACOB (CONT'D) Your father isn't. WINNIE He's not the person people think he is. JACOB It was a long time ago. She pulls out of his embrace... WINNIE He'll hurt us. Can't we just go home? Please... Jacob. It's raining. And he just looks at her for a long moment... soaking wet and shivering... crying and exposed. JACOB (what am I doing?) I love you. You don't have to do this. (AND THEN) Let's just go home. INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Darkness. The phone rings. Jacob answers it. JACOB Yes. INTERCUT WITH... BRETTON WOODS Your insurance companies are down. He's working a coffee in the master suite of The Black Swan Home... JACOB Bretton. BRETTON WOODS I want to increase our size. Glancing at the LCD, 12:23am... JACOB Okay. Good. It's just a matter of time before they turn. I'll call the DESKS TOMORROW-- BRETTON WOODS Jacob, I want you to triple our positions on all three. 84. Jacob takes a beat. JACOB Okay. BRETTON WOODS And they better fucking go up. Click. And as Jacob just looks at the phone... GORDON GEKKO (PRELAP) The instant you know you're in trouble is the exact moment when a sound investment thesis turns into blind hope. INT. NORMA'S - MORNING Jacob sits across from Gordon at this well-known breakfast spot in the Parker Meridian hotel. GORDON GEKKO Tripling the size... that's a very aggressive move. Jacob nods. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And I promise you he's using leverage to do this. JACOB He's chasing. Suddenly, a MAN approaches the table. He's in his thirties. TOM Mr Gekko, I'm Tom Sanders. I write for Barrons. GORDON GEKKO I've heard of it. Letting out a little laugh... TOM I'm sure you have. (BEAT) Well, I'm doing a piece of Wall Street moguls who ended up going to prison. I've already talked to Boesky and Milken and would love to sit down with you. GORDON GEKKO Can you give me the cover? Tom isn't sure if Gordon's serious. Either is Jacob. 85. TOM Well, I... um... don't make those decisions. GORDON GEKKO Get me the cover and I'll give you seventy minutes. Tom politely smiles. TOM I'll... take that as a no. ... and goes. Gordon looks down to his breakfast and quietly asserts... GORDON GEKKO (almost to himself) Both those assholes got the cover when they were convicted. And after a moment... JACOB How do we know the insurance companies are going to continue going down? As he casually places his egg on a piece of toast... GORDON GEKKO It's all going down. ... and takes a bite. AND THREE CHARTS NOW FILL THE SCREEN Side by side... above the charts are written respectively MCC, ACN and ISS. And we follow all the three trend lines from Aug 17th forward to the right... and they all move down. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Just wait. And we stop in September. And as a blue circle is formed over Sept 13th on all three charts, we... CUT TO: TIME WARNER CENTER/BALLROOM This is The Financial Follies... an annual event held by the financial writers association. 500 people sit at tables, enjoying this dinner and live show that pokes fun at people in the world of finance. Everyone who's anyone in high finance is here. 86. On the stage, the spotlight finds BILL MAHER and the applause breaks out... BILL MAHER Welcome to the 2008 Financial Follies! (APPLAUDS) I'm Bill Maher and I'm getting paid in Euros. Jacob shares a table with Bretton, Bretton's wife and a few other FINANCIAL PLAYERS. Winnie is not here. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) When The Financial Writers Association asked me to host an event for the world of finance, I was shocked. I'm known in Washington not Wall Street... (BEAT) ... but then they informed me that Washington is actually in the process of buying Wall Street, so it all makes sense. Laughter... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I asked them if anything's off limits. And they said to stay away from the brokerages, banks and insurers... (pause for effect, then...) ... where the fuck was that advice five months ago? More laughter. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I see Sammy Rosen's here. The spotlight finds SAMMY ROSEN, billionaire hedge funder. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Sammy, how are you? From his table... SAMMY ROSEN Doing well. BILL MAHER (to the room) Of course he is... in the amount of time it took for us to have that exchange, he made three hundred and nine thousand dollars. (back to Sammy) Sammy, let me give you some free advice, the next time someone with bad eyesight wants to sell you a hundred and fifty million dollar painting... don't let them personally deliver it. 87. It's an inside joke that this room gets... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Somebody told me Gordon Gekko is here. Gordon... ? Across the room, a spotlight finds Gordon... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) There you are. I have some inside information for you, Gekko... sex sells books, not bread lines. Gordon smiles and raises his glass up to Bill. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Talk about your sour grapes. Seriously Gordon -- just because the SEC doesn't let you make obscene amounts of money by being wrong and nefarious doesn't mean you have to ruin it for all of these hard working people. The room applauds... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Okay, we have a video to show now. It's a very detailed and academic account of the current mortgage crises. Let `er rip! And the room goes dark... and on the screen plays a childlike roughly illustrated stick-figure skit being narrated by children. FIRST FRAME Under the caption "Main Street National Bank" is a drawing of a Poor Man sitting across from a Banker Man behind his desk. POOR MAN I'd like a mortgage... I don't really have any money though... is that cool? BANKER MAN Totally cool. Since housing prices are always going up it won't be a problem. POOR MAN You guys are awesome! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "A few weeks later at the bank..." Banker Man now stands over a pile of steaming shit. 88. BANKER MAN Wow, these mortgages are really beginning to smell. I better sell them to smart people. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Smart People Investment Bank" Smart Man stands over the same steaming pile of shit. SMART MAN Wow, these mortgages we just bought really smell. I better sell them to foreigners. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "The CDO Factory" our smart man oversees an assembly line of stick figure workers. SMART MAN (CONT'D) Mix those crappy mortgages in real good with the clean ones so the rating agencies won't smell them. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Rich Man Hedge Fund" a stick figure named Rich Man sits behind his desk and holds a phone to his ear. RICH MAN Good news, Smart Man, not only did foreigners buy those traunches, but so did school boards and charities and big pensions. (BEAT) Why did they buy them you ask? Well, they were looking for a really secure risk-free investment and they were all triple A, so... NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Norwegian Village Pension Fund" a Norwegian Man sits behind his desk and shouts into his phone. NORWEGIAN MAN Hey man! What the fuck? We're not receiving our monthly payments! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Rich Man Hedge Fund," Rich Man at his desk on the phone. RICH MAN Yeah, we fucked up. 89. And it now shuffles between the last two frames... the Norwegian Man and Rich Man. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the rating agencies? RICH MAN Yeah, they fucked up too. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the investment bank that put these CDO's together? RICH MAN Fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the bank that made the original loan? RICH MAN Totally fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What am I supposed to tell my villagers? RICH MAN That you fucked up. The final frame Just the rendering of that steaming pile of shit under the caption... "The End." And the lights go on to a some subdued laughter and a smattering of applause. BILL MAHER What a year -- enjoy the night! INT. FINANCIAL FOLLIES - LATER Desert is served. Jackets are off, cigars are lit, Bretton's wife has gone home. The group at the table is a little drunk and having a good time. BRETTON WOODS It's a good question... what do you think, George? GEORGE, an investment banker at the table, thinks about it. GEORGE The definition of rich... flying private. The table reacts... some agree, other don't. George turns to Jacob. 90. GEORGE (CONT'D) Jacob... ? What do you think? JACOB To be rich... is to have the love of a good woman. They all boo... JACOB (CONT'D) (with a smile) For real... I truly believe that. And Jacob turns to Bretton... JACOB (CONT'D) Bretton... what's your definition of rich? An approaching voice answers it for him. VOICE (O.S.) To have twice as much money as you currently do. As he takes a seat... GORDON GEKKO Isn't that what you always say, Bretton? Then... announcing to the table... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) He brings up the question, runs it round the table then finishes with that. It's an old bit. Also announcing to the table... BRETTON WOODS Be careful Gordon... (looking at Jacob) ... your daughter's financial health is in my hands now. Jacob loses his smile... suddenly becoming uncomfortable. GORDON GEKKO That's right. (BEAT) And the way The Locust Fund has been buying up the insurance companies lately makes me worried about my future grandchildren's college educations. JACOB (TO BRETTON) I didn't tell him. 91. BRETTON WOODS No, I don't suppose you did. Bretton looks over to Jacob. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Go ahead, Jacob, preach your book... defend your names. And Jacob turns to Gordon... JACOB We have a proactive central bank, the charts show a clear bottom on July 15th and these companies are trading at half of what they were six months ago. GORDON GEKKO Just cause it's low don't make it cheap, Sport. JACOB I read your book. GORDON GEKKO It's not out yet. JACOB I have a friend in publishing. (BEAT) 25% unemployment... stagflation... bread lines... Martial law... government seizures of assets and gold... end of democracy... Bretton leans back... taking in this sparring match. JACOB (CONT'D) Really Gordon? Do you really need attention that badly? GORDON GEKKO Since I have forty-four seconds to spare, I'm going to tell you a story. It's about a guy named Sam. And we go close on Gekko... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Sam used to work a job, he made things and he grew things and he sold those things. Until one day Sam got a credit card and was amazed how easy it was to buy things with it. So Sam got another card and then another. Then he used the credit card money to make it look like he had an income... and he used that "income" to secure a loan. (MORE) 92. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And with that loan Sam bought a fancy BMW car and rented a fancy penthouse apartment. (BEAT) Now, the credit cards hit their limit and the bank needed him to service that loan, so Sam went to his friends. His Chinese friend... and his Japanese friend... and his British friend and so on. And his friends loaned Sam money. (ANOTHER BEAT) And that brings us to today... where Sam owes the credit cards and Sam owes the banks and Sam owes his friends and eventually they're going to take away Sam's fancy BMW car and his fancy penthouse apartment. And Jacob can now see... in Gordon Gekko's eyes... he truly believes every word he's saying. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And Sam doesn't make anything anymore and Sam doesn't grow anything anymore so Sam doesn't sell anything anymore. As he stands... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Our favorite Uncle Sam's desperate, Jake... and he just found a printing press in his basement. (BEAT) So you tell me -- where do we go from here? And with that, Gordon Gekko goes. BRETTON WOODS (RE GEKKO) It is sad isn't it? That he can't just take his ball and go home. (BEAT) That he has to piss on the whole game. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - MORNING Rushed, Jacob heads through the lobby of his building. Diego catches his stride. DIEGO (doing his best Howard COSELL) Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! And Jacob just keeps walking... 93. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - MORNING Jacob heads into the office to find Bretton sitting behind his desk. BRETTON WOODS They're not going to save it. They're just going to let it bloody die! And sure enough... on the tv... Fox Business runs footage of Lehman Brother's demise. On the screen, the chyron screams: $700 BILLION GOVERNMENT BAILOUT TO THE BANKS! ALEXIS GLICK (ON TV) And as another US banking institution collapses, Congress is working quickly on a bailout package that will distribute over three hundred billion dollars to other banks in trouble. Bretton turns off the tv and looks to Jacob with... BRETTON WOODS We're getting fucking killed. And Jacob looks up to his electronic ticker... MCC $18.53 -2.34, ACN $12.04 -1.35, ISS $7.03 -.65. JACOB It's capitulation. Bretton holds Jacob's look... fighting to keep his composure. Until... he simply stands and offers Jacob his desk back. BRETTON WOODS Then buy more. Jacob takes his chair and reaches for the phone. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Cost us down to current levels. Jacob looks up, surprised. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) It's just a question of time before this turns around... right? And he glares at Jacob. JACOB Right. Bretton just stares nervously at the electronic ticker... a frazzled gambler talking himself into his bet. BRETTON WOODS Fuck it. 94. As he goes... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Leverage is sexy. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on Sept 16th then travels down the trend line and stops. And as a circle is formed around the Sept 24th, we... CUT TO: INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT LCD reads 4:43 am. Jacob lays awake... staring at the ceiling. WINNIE (O.S.) I would hear him in the kitchen. Jacob turns to see she's awake. JACOB I'm sorry, you have an early train. I'm going to just go to the office now. She leans up. WINNIE He didn't want to keep my mother awake so he'd go into the kitchen and sit there. I could hear him because my room was right up the back stairs.

jetvan

How many times the word 'jetvan' appears in the text?

(CONT'D) Good job, Jacob... And as they head out into the Dubai heat... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.)(PRE-LAP) So he trust you now. EXT. BOWLING GREEN PARK - DAY The iconic charging bull of Wall Street. JACOB (V.O.) I think so. Travel the park to find... Jacob and Gordon stopping at the food vendors. GORDON GEKKO Well, I'm happy to help. (AND THEN) What about your end of the trade, Sport? JACOB Oh... I'm still working on it. (BEAT) I'll talk to her. I promise. GORDON GEKKO (TO VENDOR) Hot dog. (TO JACOB) What do you want? JACOB (TO VENDOR) I'll take a pretzel. As they get their food and walk... GORDON GEKKO So you're a hedge fund cowboy now? Shaking his head... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Goddamn hedge funds -- what a racket. Playing the world casino, betting other people's money with leverage. And it's completely legal and completely unregulated. (MORE) 71. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) The hustles they get away with make insider trading seem like a parking ticket. SLAM INTO THE FRONTIER FUND/TRADING PIT Rows and rows of computers in a large dark room.... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Nassim Tariq and his Frontier Fund. With their slews of MIT grads who become glorified millionaire robots pushing buttons... ... with casually dressed ASIANS and INDIANS in their 20s working the keyboards like zombies. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... slaves to top-secret propriety elegant algorithms that work until they don't. AND SLAM INTO ESSEX CAPITAL ADVISERS/CONFERENCE ROOM A stuffy conference room half-filled with bored MEN in their 40s watching a presentation... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or the baby cub funds like Sammy Rosen's Essex Advisers... filled with Goldman Sachs and Julian Robertson pedigree. Most of the men type on their blackberrys... one is actually asleep. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Men who are way too rich, lazy and tired to run money properly anymore. THEN SLAM INTO THE DANIELS ACTIVIST FUND/ALLAN DANIELS'S OFFICE A small cluttered office with papers strewn about... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or Allan Daniel's and his bully operation. ALLAN DANIELS, a small bull-dog of a man, paces back and forth... dictating in anger. His SECRETARY types down every word he's shouting. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... with his angry letters to company boards that are nothing but veiled threats in the name of activism. AND RIGHT BACK TO BOWLING GREEN PARK Where Gordon stops walking... 72. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) So you're inside... you have his trust... and now you want to know what's next. And Jacob's look over to Gekko confirms this. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Here's the thing about Bretton. He puts all of his money into his own fund which makes him stupid, egotistical, and most importantly... vulnerable. (BEAT) And he chases. He doesn't take losses well and he chases with leverage. He thinks he's a trader, he thinks he's an investor but he's not. He's a gambler. Regarding Jacob... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) That pretzel looks good. Jacob just shrugs. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Care to make a trade? JACOB Whatever. And they trade. The hotdog for the pretzel. GORDON GEKKO As for your end of our trade. (BEAT) Find a way for me to reunite with my daughter, Jake. Because we both know how she would react to the fact that you've been lying to her about bonding with your future father-in-law. Just standing there... holding that hot dog... JACOB Is that a threat? Looking Jacob dead on... GORDON GEKKO Absolutely. Jacob just shakes his head with a laugh... now realizing that Gekko talked him into this position for this exact leverage. JACOB You're priceless, Gordon. 73. With a smile... GORDON GEKKO Just be happy I'm on your team. (AND THEN) Get him into a bad position and watch him chase it. JACOB What bad position? GORDON GEKKO What have I been saying all along, Kid? JACOB Financials. GORDON GEKKO They're a death trap -- mark my words. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As Jacob takes in his new view... it's spectacular. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) But he won't fall for a brokerage or bank play this late in the game. Everyone knows they're poison. AND TIME LAPSE As the office grows furniture... a plasma on the wall... a computer on the desk... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Sell him on insurance. There's a case to be made for those stocks... ill- fated as they may be. ... books on the shelves... pictures on the walls... a couch and table... a paper shredder and waste baskets... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) But take your time... make him think you've been doing your due diligence. Find Jacob at his desk... working away at his computer... it's late at night. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Make it look like you're working your ass off to find him this genius trade... come in early, leave late and don't bring up the idea for at least a few weeks. And Jacob finally gets up from his desk... goes to the window... looking across midtown Manhattan... 74. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) And then Jacob... ... eyes pasted on a building made of glass and steel... a building he once called home... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... sell him hard... then watch him bite... then watch him chase... ... KZI Investments. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... then watch him come undone. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - DAY Holding his suitcase, Jacob emerges from the elevator and heads for a waiting town car. Jacob sees Diego... JACOB Bring it. Diego smiles... loves this new one... DIEGO What's the most dangerous question on Wall Street? JACOB Tell me. DIEGO "How are you?" And Jacob agrees whole-heartedly as he heads on his way. EXT. WASHINGTON DC - MORNING As the sun rises over our nation's capital. EXT. ROCK CREEK PARK - MORNING Winnie and Jacob jog the park through the humid July haze. It's very early. And Jacob stops jogging. Catches his breath. She keeps running. JACOB Why are you with me? She stops and turns back to him. WINNIE What? 75. JACOB You hate finance. You hate Wall Street. Why are you with me? Winnie nods. It's a valid question. And she thinks about it for a moment, then... WINNIE Repetition compulsion. JACOB Huh? WINNIE It's Freud. JACOB And what does it mean, psych major? WINNIE Well, it's when people repeat the same dysfunctional relationships from childhood in their adult life in hopes of trying to master them. JACOB Like when children of alcoholics fall in love with alcoholics. WINNIE Yeah. He turns away... upset. JACOB That's great, Winnie. WINNIE Jacob, that might be why I was initially attracted to you... but it's not why I love you. She moves to him. WINNIE (CONT'D) I love you because you're compassionate and you care so deeply about what you do and you have like no ego, it's crazy. She reaches to him... turning his face to meet hers. WINNIE (CONT'D) And you're the smartest person I've ever met... and there's nobody I trust more in the world. Jacob looks away... almost ashamed. And Winnie can sense something's not right. 76. WINNIE (CONT'D) What's wrong? JACOB Nothing... As Jacob draws in a deep breath, collects himself and finally turns back to her with... JACOB (CONT'D) I just wish you would master that relationship from childhood so you can move forward with this one. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on July 20th then travels down the trend and stops. And as a circle is formed around August 11th, we... CUT TO: EXT. WESTSIDE HIGHWAY- DAY And Manhattan... as it sweats through the heart of summer. Two jetvans ride uptown... INT. JETVAN - DAY As Jacob rides with Bretton... JACOB Bretton... I found something I like. Bretton looks over to him. BRETTON WOODS I've been wondering when my new portfolio manager was going to come to me with something special. JACOB I just wanted to make sure I would be bringing you the smartest idea possible. I know you don't go light. Confirming... BRETTON WOODS That's right. If I commit to this... we go large and we don't back down. JACOB It might be better to do this in the office. I have color and support to PRESENT-- Waving him off... 77. BRETTON WOODS C'mon Jacob, you know that's not how we do. EXT. ADIRONDACK FOREST PRESERVE - DAY 2.7 million acres of State protected majestic land. All nature... rivers and lakes... cypresses and maples. Clean air. And trails. Many trails that go on for miles. As the two Becker jetvans arrive at a restricted area, a STATE RANGER opens the gate and allows them to drive through then park. Jacob and Bretton emerge from the jetvan. BRETTON WOODS This is how we do. And with a nod, the DRIVER of the other jetvan opens it to reveal two motorcycles inside. Bretton's MTT Turbine Superbike and an Agusta, these bikes are handcrafted works of art as much as they are demons of speed. Jacob laughs in disbelief and excitement. JACOB And we're allowed to ride these through here? Sucking in the fresh summer air... BRETTON WOODS No. AND JACOB AND BRETTON Now decked out in leather riding gear... on the bikes... at the mouth of the trail... revving the engines... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Follow me... And with that, shoots into the forest. Jacob quickly follows. AND THEY RIDE Winding through the trees... along the side of a river... Bretton riding extremely fast with Jacob trying to keep up. Bretton reaches a clearing and waits for Jacob to catch up. Once he does... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) You're going to have to keep up. JACOB Okay. I'm just getting used to it. 78. BRETTON WOODS Tell me your idea. JACOB Here? BRETTON WOODS Where else? JACOB Right. Okay. (COLLECTING HIMSELF) Are you still short any of the financials? BRETTON WOODS No. After KZI, I took profits. JACOB I think it's time to go the other way. BRETTON WOODS Banks? JACOB Insurance companies. I'm talking the old school insurers that have become the babies thrown out with the bath water. Jacob waits for a reaction from Bretton. But all he gets is... BRETTON WOODS Keep up! And with that, Bretton rips into the clearing. Jacob rides just as fast. They're neck and neck... it's definitely a race. Bretton pulls ahead but Jacob doesn't give up. As they move quickly toward a patch of forest with a only narrow trail entering it, Jacob focuses on the horizon and revs the bike into more speed. He pulls up next to Bretton as they approach the trail. If Jacob doesn't slow down, and fall in line behind Bretton, he's going to hit the trees. But he doesn't. Instead, Jacob blasts the bike into its final dose of speed, narrowly avoiding impact by zipping into the trail... pulling ahead of Bretton and taking the lead. A TRANQUIL LAKE As it sits still in the setting sun. Untouched by man. Bretton and Jacob get off the bikes and walk to the shore. As they catch their breaths and enjoy the beauty... 79. JACOB The basket of stocks I'm putting together focuses on reinsurance brokering and management services for businesses. They're trading below book and have large dividends. (BEAT) I say we buy them here. Bretton thinks about it. He's not sure. BRETTON WOODS Financials are a falling knife. Jacob nods... JACOB I'm not arguing that... but the best opportunities are found where angels fear to tread. Jacob can see... he has Bretton on the hook. JACOB (CONT'D) So yeah -- they are falling knives. But Bretton... And with confidence... driving it home... JACOB (CONT'D) ... what's life without a little blood on your hands? INT. JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As WORKERS install an electronic ticker that wraps around the top circumference of the whole office... similar to the one Andrew Zabel had. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) Okay. Then I want you to build positions in your favorite three names. Jacob picks up the phone and... THE SCREEN SPLITS IN TWO With Jacob on top and Robby on the bottom. As Robby takes the order and starts typing into his Bloomberg... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I want you stealth. Use all six trading desks we're in business with. NOW ROBBY'S HALF OF THE SCREEN SPLITS INTO 6 SMALL BOXES 80. Six different trading desks... six different BROKERS taking calls from Jacob who still owns the whole top half of the screen. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) And if they go down... we increase our size. AND BACK TO JACOB Leaning back... feet on desk... staring at the ticker... which only has three stocks on it... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) See Jacob -- I don't believe in "wrong." MCC at $21.65, ACN at $16.24 and ISS at $7.23. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I only believe in "not right yet." EXT. UPPER WEST SIDE - NIGHT A rainstorm takes over the city. A cab pulls out front of Shun Lee Cafe. INT. TAXI - NIGHT Winnie sucks in a deep breath. WINNIE He chose this restaurant. Jacob confirms. WINNIE (CONT'D) We used to come here every Sunday night. He takes her hand. JACOB You're going to be fine. WINNIE I'm only doing this for you. JACOB No. You're doing this for you. She just glares at him. WINNIE We're never having sex again. JACOB Then what my friends say about marriage will be true. 81. And she nervously fights back a smile... WINNIE Oh, shut up. INT. SHUN LEE CAFE - NIGHT The HOST leads Winnie and Jacob through the grand dining room. Gordon sees them and stands up. We can tell he's anxious as well. GORDON GEKKO Hi. Fighting back the nerves... WINNIE Hey. They just stand there. Jacob holds out his hand. JACOB Mr. Gekko, I'm Jacob Moore, we spoke on the phone. Nice to finally meet in person. Gekko just looks at him for an extra long beat, then... shakes his hand. GORDON GEKKO Yes. They all sit. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Jacob, shall we get some wine? JACOB I don't drink. GORDON GEKKO Oh... okay. Then Gordon attempts a smile over to his daughter. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Let me guess... the ginger garlic lobster. WINNIE (TO JACOB) I used to order that every time. She closes her menu. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm not really hungry. 82. GORDON GEKKO I've been following your career, Winnie. Senator Lehigh said some very nice things about you in The American Prospect interview. WINNIE Yeah. She's really been... very... supportive of my... And it trails off... as she just glares at Gordon. WINNIE (CONT'D) I can't do this. She exhales, stands and looks down to Jacob. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm sorry. I can't do this. And she quickly walks off. Jacob frozen. Until Gordon looks over to him with... GORDON GEKKO It's okay. This is a long term investment. (BEAT) Go after her. She needs you. And Jacob does. As Gordon looks down... disappointed. INT. WEST 65TH - NIGHT Pouring rain. Jacob runs after her. JACOB Winnie... Winnie... He turns her around. WINNIE You don't understand. Her tears being washed away by the rain. WINNIE (CONT'D) My mother couldn't handle Rudy. He was so out of control. I couldn't help him. Jacob takes her into his hold... WINNIE (CONT'D) (RE GEKKO) If he wasn't in prison... if he had been there. I know it would've been different. JACOB Your brother's dead, Winnie. 83. Squeezing her tight... JACOB (CONT'D) Your father isn't. WINNIE He's not the person people think he is. JACOB It was a long time ago. She pulls out of his embrace... WINNIE He'll hurt us. Can't we just go home? Please... Jacob. It's raining. And he just looks at her for a long moment... soaking wet and shivering... crying and exposed. JACOB (what am I doing?) I love you. You don't have to do this. (AND THEN) Let's just go home. INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Darkness. The phone rings. Jacob answers it. JACOB Yes. INTERCUT WITH... BRETTON WOODS Your insurance companies are down. He's working a coffee in the master suite of The Black Swan Home... JACOB Bretton. BRETTON WOODS I want to increase our size. Glancing at the LCD, 12:23am... JACOB Okay. Good. It's just a matter of time before they turn. I'll call the DESKS TOMORROW-- BRETTON WOODS Jacob, I want you to triple our positions on all three. 84. Jacob takes a beat. JACOB Okay. BRETTON WOODS And they better fucking go up. Click. And as Jacob just looks at the phone... GORDON GEKKO (PRELAP) The instant you know you're in trouble is the exact moment when a sound investment thesis turns into blind hope. INT. NORMA'S - MORNING Jacob sits across from Gordon at this well-known breakfast spot in the Parker Meridian hotel. GORDON GEKKO Tripling the size... that's a very aggressive move. Jacob nods. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And I promise you he's using leverage to do this. JACOB He's chasing. Suddenly, a MAN approaches the table. He's in his thirties. TOM Mr Gekko, I'm Tom Sanders. I write for Barrons. GORDON GEKKO I've heard of it. Letting out a little laugh... TOM I'm sure you have. (BEAT) Well, I'm doing a piece of Wall Street moguls who ended up going to prison. I've already talked to Boesky and Milken and would love to sit down with you. GORDON GEKKO Can you give me the cover? Tom isn't sure if Gordon's serious. Either is Jacob. 85. TOM Well, I... um... don't make those decisions. GORDON GEKKO Get me the cover and I'll give you seventy minutes. Tom politely smiles. TOM I'll... take that as a no. ... and goes. Gordon looks down to his breakfast and quietly asserts... GORDON GEKKO (almost to himself) Both those assholes got the cover when they were convicted. And after a moment... JACOB How do we know the insurance companies are going to continue going down? As he casually places his egg on a piece of toast... GORDON GEKKO It's all going down. ... and takes a bite. AND THREE CHARTS NOW FILL THE SCREEN Side by side... above the charts are written respectively MCC, ACN and ISS. And we follow all the three trend lines from Aug 17th forward to the right... and they all move down. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Just wait. And we stop in September. And as a blue circle is formed over Sept 13th on all three charts, we... CUT TO: TIME WARNER CENTER/BALLROOM This is The Financial Follies... an annual event held by the financial writers association. 500 people sit at tables, enjoying this dinner and live show that pokes fun at people in the world of finance. Everyone who's anyone in high finance is here. 86. On the stage, the spotlight finds BILL MAHER and the applause breaks out... BILL MAHER Welcome to the 2008 Financial Follies! (APPLAUDS) I'm Bill Maher and I'm getting paid in Euros. Jacob shares a table with Bretton, Bretton's wife and a few other FINANCIAL PLAYERS. Winnie is not here. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) When The Financial Writers Association asked me to host an event for the world of finance, I was shocked. I'm known in Washington not Wall Street... (BEAT) ... but then they informed me that Washington is actually in the process of buying Wall Street, so it all makes sense. Laughter... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I asked them if anything's off limits. And they said to stay away from the brokerages, banks and insurers... (pause for effect, then...) ... where the fuck was that advice five months ago? More laughter. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I see Sammy Rosen's here. The spotlight finds SAMMY ROSEN, billionaire hedge funder. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Sammy, how are you? From his table... SAMMY ROSEN Doing well. BILL MAHER (to the room) Of course he is... in the amount of time it took for us to have that exchange, he made three hundred and nine thousand dollars. (back to Sammy) Sammy, let me give you some free advice, the next time someone with bad eyesight wants to sell you a hundred and fifty million dollar painting... don't let them personally deliver it. 87. It's an inside joke that this room gets... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Somebody told me Gordon Gekko is here. Gordon... ? Across the room, a spotlight finds Gordon... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) There you are. I have some inside information for you, Gekko... sex sells books, not bread lines. Gordon smiles and raises his glass up to Bill. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Talk about your sour grapes. Seriously Gordon -- just because the SEC doesn't let you make obscene amounts of money by being wrong and nefarious doesn't mean you have to ruin it for all of these hard working people. The room applauds... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Okay, we have a video to show now. It's a very detailed and academic account of the current mortgage crises. Let `er rip! And the room goes dark... and on the screen plays a childlike roughly illustrated stick-figure skit being narrated by children. FIRST FRAME Under the caption "Main Street National Bank" is a drawing of a Poor Man sitting across from a Banker Man behind his desk. POOR MAN I'd like a mortgage... I don't really have any money though... is that cool? BANKER MAN Totally cool. Since housing prices are always going up it won't be a problem. POOR MAN You guys are awesome! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "A few weeks later at the bank..." Banker Man now stands over a pile of steaming shit. 88. BANKER MAN Wow, these mortgages are really beginning to smell. I better sell them to smart people. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Smart People Investment Bank" Smart Man stands over the same steaming pile of shit. SMART MAN Wow, these mortgages we just bought really smell. I better sell them to foreigners. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "The CDO Factory" our smart man oversees an assembly line of stick figure workers. SMART MAN (CONT'D) Mix those crappy mortgages in real good with the clean ones so the rating agencies won't smell them. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Rich Man Hedge Fund" a stick figure named Rich Man sits behind his desk and holds a phone to his ear. RICH MAN Good news, Smart Man, not only did foreigners buy those traunches, but so did school boards and charities and big pensions. (BEAT) Why did they buy them you ask? Well, they were looking for a really secure risk-free investment and they were all triple A, so... NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Norwegian Village Pension Fund" a Norwegian Man sits behind his desk and shouts into his phone. NORWEGIAN MAN Hey man! What the fuck? We're not receiving our monthly payments! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Rich Man Hedge Fund," Rich Man at his desk on the phone. RICH MAN Yeah, we fucked up. 89. And it now shuffles between the last two frames... the Norwegian Man and Rich Man. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the rating agencies? RICH MAN Yeah, they fucked up too. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the investment bank that put these CDO's together? RICH MAN Fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the bank that made the original loan? RICH MAN Totally fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What am I supposed to tell my villagers? RICH MAN That you fucked up. The final frame Just the rendering of that steaming pile of shit under the caption... "The End." And the lights go on to a some subdued laughter and a smattering of applause. BILL MAHER What a year -- enjoy the night! INT. FINANCIAL FOLLIES - LATER Desert is served. Jackets are off, cigars are lit, Bretton's wife has gone home. The group at the table is a little drunk and having a good time. BRETTON WOODS It's a good question... what do you think, George? GEORGE, an investment banker at the table, thinks about it. GEORGE The definition of rich... flying private. The table reacts... some agree, other don't. George turns to Jacob. 90. GEORGE (CONT'D) Jacob... ? What do you think? JACOB To be rich... is to have the love of a good woman. They all boo... JACOB (CONT'D) (with a smile) For real... I truly believe that. And Jacob turns to Bretton... JACOB (CONT'D) Bretton... what's your definition of rich? An approaching voice answers it for him. VOICE (O.S.) To have twice as much money as you currently do. As he takes a seat... GORDON GEKKO Isn't that what you always say, Bretton? Then... announcing to the table... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) He brings up the question, runs it round the table then finishes with that. It's an old bit. Also announcing to the table... BRETTON WOODS Be careful Gordon... (looking at Jacob) ... your daughter's financial health is in my hands now. Jacob loses his smile... suddenly becoming uncomfortable. GORDON GEKKO That's right. (BEAT) And the way The Locust Fund has been buying up the insurance companies lately makes me worried about my future grandchildren's college educations. JACOB (TO BRETTON) I didn't tell him. 91. BRETTON WOODS No, I don't suppose you did. Bretton looks over to Jacob. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Go ahead, Jacob, preach your book... defend your names. And Jacob turns to Gordon... JACOB We have a proactive central bank, the charts show a clear bottom on July 15th and these companies are trading at half of what they were six months ago. GORDON GEKKO Just cause it's low don't make it cheap, Sport. JACOB I read your book. GORDON GEKKO It's not out yet. JACOB I have a friend in publishing. (BEAT) 25% unemployment... stagflation... bread lines... Martial law... government seizures of assets and gold... end of democracy... Bretton leans back... taking in this sparring match. JACOB (CONT'D) Really Gordon? Do you really need attention that badly? GORDON GEKKO Since I have forty-four seconds to spare, I'm going to tell you a story. It's about a guy named Sam. And we go close on Gekko... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Sam used to work a job, he made things and he grew things and he sold those things. Until one day Sam got a credit card and was amazed how easy it was to buy things with it. So Sam got another card and then another. Then he used the credit card money to make it look like he had an income... and he used that "income" to secure a loan. (MORE) 92. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And with that loan Sam bought a fancy BMW car and rented a fancy penthouse apartment. (BEAT) Now, the credit cards hit their limit and the bank needed him to service that loan, so Sam went to his friends. His Chinese friend... and his Japanese friend... and his British friend and so on. And his friends loaned Sam money. (ANOTHER BEAT) And that brings us to today... where Sam owes the credit cards and Sam owes the banks and Sam owes his friends and eventually they're going to take away Sam's fancy BMW car and his fancy penthouse apartment. And Jacob can now see... in Gordon Gekko's eyes... he truly believes every word he's saying. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And Sam doesn't make anything anymore and Sam doesn't grow anything anymore so Sam doesn't sell anything anymore. As he stands... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Our favorite Uncle Sam's desperate, Jake... and he just found a printing press in his basement. (BEAT) So you tell me -- where do we go from here? And with that, Gordon Gekko goes. BRETTON WOODS (RE GEKKO) It is sad isn't it? That he can't just take his ball and go home. (BEAT) That he has to piss on the whole game. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - MORNING Rushed, Jacob heads through the lobby of his building. Diego catches his stride. DIEGO (doing his best Howard COSELL) Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! And Jacob just keeps walking... 93. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - MORNING Jacob heads into the office to find Bretton sitting behind his desk. BRETTON WOODS They're not going to save it. They're just going to let it bloody die! And sure enough... on the tv... Fox Business runs footage of Lehman Brother's demise. On the screen, the chyron screams: $700 BILLION GOVERNMENT BAILOUT TO THE BANKS! ALEXIS GLICK (ON TV) And as another US banking institution collapses, Congress is working quickly on a bailout package that will distribute over three hundred billion dollars to other banks in trouble. Bretton turns off the tv and looks to Jacob with... BRETTON WOODS We're getting fucking killed. And Jacob looks up to his electronic ticker... MCC $18.53 -2.34, ACN $12.04 -1.35, ISS $7.03 -.65. JACOB It's capitulation. Bretton holds Jacob's look... fighting to keep his composure. Until... he simply stands and offers Jacob his desk back. BRETTON WOODS Then buy more. Jacob takes his chair and reaches for the phone. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Cost us down to current levels. Jacob looks up, surprised. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) It's just a question of time before this turns around... right? And he glares at Jacob. JACOB Right. Bretton just stares nervously at the electronic ticker... a frazzled gambler talking himself into his bet. BRETTON WOODS Fuck it. 94. As he goes... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Leverage is sexy. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on Sept 16th then travels down the trend line and stops. And as a circle is formed around the Sept 24th, we... CUT TO: INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT LCD reads 4:43 am. Jacob lays awake... staring at the ceiling. WINNIE (O.S.) I would hear him in the kitchen. Jacob turns to see she's awake. JACOB I'm sorry, you have an early train. I'm going to just go to the office now. She leans up. WINNIE He didn't want to keep my mother awake so he'd go into the kitchen and sit there. I could hear him because my room was right up the back stairs.

expanding

How many times the word 'expanding' appears in the text?

(CONT'D) Good job, Jacob... And as they head out into the Dubai heat... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.)(PRE-LAP) So he trust you now. EXT. BOWLING GREEN PARK - DAY The iconic charging bull of Wall Street. JACOB (V.O.) I think so. Travel the park to find... Jacob and Gordon stopping at the food vendors. GORDON GEKKO Well, I'm happy to help. (AND THEN) What about your end of the trade, Sport? JACOB Oh... I'm still working on it. (BEAT) I'll talk to her. I promise. GORDON GEKKO (TO VENDOR) Hot dog. (TO JACOB) What do you want? JACOB (TO VENDOR) I'll take a pretzel. As they get their food and walk... GORDON GEKKO So you're a hedge fund cowboy now? Shaking his head... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Goddamn hedge funds -- what a racket. Playing the world casino, betting other people's money with leverage. And it's completely legal and completely unregulated. (MORE) 71. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) The hustles they get away with make insider trading seem like a parking ticket. SLAM INTO THE FRONTIER FUND/TRADING PIT Rows and rows of computers in a large dark room.... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Nassim Tariq and his Frontier Fund. With their slews of MIT grads who become glorified millionaire robots pushing buttons... ... with casually dressed ASIANS and INDIANS in their 20s working the keyboards like zombies. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... slaves to top-secret propriety elegant algorithms that work until they don't. AND SLAM INTO ESSEX CAPITAL ADVISERS/CONFERENCE ROOM A stuffy conference room half-filled with bored MEN in their 40s watching a presentation... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or the baby cub funds like Sammy Rosen's Essex Advisers... filled with Goldman Sachs and Julian Robertson pedigree. Most of the men type on their blackberrys... one is actually asleep. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Men who are way too rich, lazy and tired to run money properly anymore. THEN SLAM INTO THE DANIELS ACTIVIST FUND/ALLAN DANIELS'S OFFICE A small cluttered office with papers strewn about... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or Allan Daniel's and his bully operation. ALLAN DANIELS, a small bull-dog of a man, paces back and forth... dictating in anger. His SECRETARY types down every word he's shouting. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... with his angry letters to company boards that are nothing but veiled threats in the name of activism. AND RIGHT BACK TO BOWLING GREEN PARK Where Gordon stops walking... 72. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) So you're inside... you have his trust... and now you want to know what's next. And Jacob's look over to Gekko confirms this. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Here's the thing about Bretton. He puts all of his money into his own fund which makes him stupid, egotistical, and most importantly... vulnerable. (BEAT) And he chases. He doesn't take losses well and he chases with leverage. He thinks he's a trader, he thinks he's an investor but he's not. He's a gambler. Regarding Jacob... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) That pretzel looks good. Jacob just shrugs. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Care to make a trade? JACOB Whatever. And they trade. The hotdog for the pretzel. GORDON GEKKO As for your end of our trade. (BEAT) Find a way for me to reunite with my daughter, Jake. Because we both know how she would react to the fact that you've been lying to her about bonding with your future father-in-law. Just standing there... holding that hot dog... JACOB Is that a threat? Looking Jacob dead on... GORDON GEKKO Absolutely. Jacob just shakes his head with a laugh... now realizing that Gekko talked him into this position for this exact leverage. JACOB You're priceless, Gordon. 73. With a smile... GORDON GEKKO Just be happy I'm on your team. (AND THEN) Get him into a bad position and watch him chase it. JACOB What bad position? GORDON GEKKO What have I been saying all along, Kid? JACOB Financials. GORDON GEKKO They're a death trap -- mark my words. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As Jacob takes in his new view... it's spectacular. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) But he won't fall for a brokerage or bank play this late in the game. Everyone knows they're poison. AND TIME LAPSE As the office grows furniture... a plasma on the wall... a computer on the desk... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Sell him on insurance. There's a case to be made for those stocks... ill- fated as they may be. ... books on the shelves... pictures on the walls... a couch and table... a paper shredder and waste baskets... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) But take your time... make him think you've been doing your due diligence. Find Jacob at his desk... working away at his computer... it's late at night. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Make it look like you're working your ass off to find him this genius trade... come in early, leave late and don't bring up the idea for at least a few weeks. And Jacob finally gets up from his desk... goes to the window... looking across midtown Manhattan... 74. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) And then Jacob... ... eyes pasted on a building made of glass and steel... a building he once called home... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... sell him hard... then watch him bite... then watch him chase... ... KZI Investments. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... then watch him come undone. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - DAY Holding his suitcase, Jacob emerges from the elevator and heads for a waiting town car. Jacob sees Diego... JACOB Bring it. Diego smiles... loves this new one... DIEGO What's the most dangerous question on Wall Street? JACOB Tell me. DIEGO "How are you?" And Jacob agrees whole-heartedly as he heads on his way. EXT. WASHINGTON DC - MORNING As the sun rises over our nation's capital. EXT. ROCK CREEK PARK - MORNING Winnie and Jacob jog the park through the humid July haze. It's very early. And Jacob stops jogging. Catches his breath. She keeps running. JACOB Why are you with me? She stops and turns back to him. WINNIE What? 75. JACOB You hate finance. You hate Wall Street. Why are you with me? Winnie nods. It's a valid question. And she thinks about it for a moment, then... WINNIE Repetition compulsion. JACOB Huh? WINNIE It's Freud. JACOB And what does it mean, psych major? WINNIE Well, it's when people repeat the same dysfunctional relationships from childhood in their adult life in hopes of trying to master them. JACOB Like when children of alcoholics fall in love with alcoholics. WINNIE Yeah. He turns away... upset. JACOB That's great, Winnie. WINNIE Jacob, that might be why I was initially attracted to you... but it's not why I love you. She moves to him. WINNIE (CONT'D) I love you because you're compassionate and you care so deeply about what you do and you have like no ego, it's crazy. She reaches to him... turning his face to meet hers. WINNIE (CONT'D) And you're the smartest person I've ever met... and there's nobody I trust more in the world. Jacob looks away... almost ashamed. And Winnie can sense something's not right. 76. WINNIE (CONT'D) What's wrong? JACOB Nothing... As Jacob draws in a deep breath, collects himself and finally turns back to her with... JACOB (CONT'D) I just wish you would master that relationship from childhood so you can move forward with this one. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on July 20th then travels down the trend and stops. And as a circle is formed around August 11th, we... CUT TO: EXT. WESTSIDE HIGHWAY- DAY And Manhattan... as it sweats through the heart of summer. Two jetvans ride uptown... INT. JETVAN - DAY As Jacob rides with Bretton... JACOB Bretton... I found something I like. Bretton looks over to him. BRETTON WOODS I've been wondering when my new portfolio manager was going to come to me with something special. JACOB I just wanted to make sure I would be bringing you the smartest idea possible. I know you don't go light. Confirming... BRETTON WOODS That's right. If I commit to this... we go large and we don't back down. JACOB It might be better to do this in the office. I have color and support to PRESENT-- Waving him off... 77. BRETTON WOODS C'mon Jacob, you know that's not how we do. EXT. ADIRONDACK FOREST PRESERVE - DAY 2.7 million acres of State protected majestic land. All nature... rivers and lakes... cypresses and maples. Clean air. And trails. Many trails that go on for miles. As the two Becker jetvans arrive at a restricted area, a STATE RANGER opens the gate and allows them to drive through then park. Jacob and Bretton emerge from the jetvan. BRETTON WOODS This is how we do. And with a nod, the DRIVER of the other jetvan opens it to reveal two motorcycles inside. Bretton's MTT Turbine Superbike and an Agusta, these bikes are handcrafted works of art as much as they are demons of speed. Jacob laughs in disbelief and excitement. JACOB And we're allowed to ride these through here? Sucking in the fresh summer air... BRETTON WOODS No. AND JACOB AND BRETTON Now decked out in leather riding gear... on the bikes... at the mouth of the trail... revving the engines... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Follow me... And with that, shoots into the forest. Jacob quickly follows. AND THEY RIDE Winding through the trees... along the side of a river... Bretton riding extremely fast with Jacob trying to keep up. Bretton reaches a clearing and waits for Jacob to catch up. Once he does... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) You're going to have to keep up. JACOB Okay. I'm just getting used to it. 78. BRETTON WOODS Tell me your idea. JACOB Here? BRETTON WOODS Where else? JACOB Right. Okay. (COLLECTING HIMSELF) Are you still short any of the financials? BRETTON WOODS No. After KZI, I took profits. JACOB I think it's time to go the other way. BRETTON WOODS Banks? JACOB Insurance companies. I'm talking the old school insurers that have become the babies thrown out with the bath water. Jacob waits for a reaction from Bretton. But all he gets is... BRETTON WOODS Keep up! And with that, Bretton rips into the clearing. Jacob rides just as fast. They're neck and neck... it's definitely a race. Bretton pulls ahead but Jacob doesn't give up. As they move quickly toward a patch of forest with a only narrow trail entering it, Jacob focuses on the horizon and revs the bike into more speed. He pulls up next to Bretton as they approach the trail. If Jacob doesn't slow down, and fall in line behind Bretton, he's going to hit the trees. But he doesn't. Instead, Jacob blasts the bike into its final dose of speed, narrowly avoiding impact by zipping into the trail... pulling ahead of Bretton and taking the lead. A TRANQUIL LAKE As it sits still in the setting sun. Untouched by man. Bretton and Jacob get off the bikes and walk to the shore. As they catch their breaths and enjoy the beauty... 79. JACOB The basket of stocks I'm putting together focuses on reinsurance brokering and management services for businesses. They're trading below book and have large dividends. (BEAT) I say we buy them here. Bretton thinks about it. He's not sure. BRETTON WOODS Financials are a falling knife. Jacob nods... JACOB I'm not arguing that... but the best opportunities are found where angels fear to tread. Jacob can see... he has Bretton on the hook. JACOB (CONT'D) So yeah -- they are falling knives. But Bretton... And with confidence... driving it home... JACOB (CONT'D) ... what's life without a little blood on your hands? INT. JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As WORKERS install an electronic ticker that wraps around the top circumference of the whole office... similar to the one Andrew Zabel had. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) Okay. Then I want you to build positions in your favorite three names. Jacob picks up the phone and... THE SCREEN SPLITS IN TWO With Jacob on top and Robby on the bottom. As Robby takes the order and starts typing into his Bloomberg... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I want you stealth. Use all six trading desks we're in business with. NOW ROBBY'S HALF OF THE SCREEN SPLITS INTO 6 SMALL BOXES 80. Six different trading desks... six different BROKERS taking calls from Jacob who still owns the whole top half of the screen. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) And if they go down... we increase our size. AND BACK TO JACOB Leaning back... feet on desk... staring at the ticker... which only has three stocks on it... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) See Jacob -- I don't believe in "wrong." MCC at $21.65, ACN at $16.24 and ISS at $7.23. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I only believe in "not right yet." EXT. UPPER WEST SIDE - NIGHT A rainstorm takes over the city. A cab pulls out front of Shun Lee Cafe. INT. TAXI - NIGHT Winnie sucks in a deep breath. WINNIE He chose this restaurant. Jacob confirms. WINNIE (CONT'D) We used to come here every Sunday night. He takes her hand. JACOB You're going to be fine. WINNIE I'm only doing this for you. JACOB No. You're doing this for you. She just glares at him. WINNIE We're never having sex again. JACOB Then what my friends say about marriage will be true. 81. And she nervously fights back a smile... WINNIE Oh, shut up. INT. SHUN LEE CAFE - NIGHT The HOST leads Winnie and Jacob through the grand dining room. Gordon sees them and stands up. We can tell he's anxious as well. GORDON GEKKO Hi. Fighting back the nerves... WINNIE Hey. They just stand there. Jacob holds out his hand. JACOB Mr. Gekko, I'm Jacob Moore, we spoke on the phone. Nice to finally meet in person. Gekko just looks at him for an extra long beat, then... shakes his hand. GORDON GEKKO Yes. They all sit. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Jacob, shall we get some wine? JACOB I don't drink. GORDON GEKKO Oh... okay. Then Gordon attempts a smile over to his daughter. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Let me guess... the ginger garlic lobster. WINNIE (TO JACOB) I used to order that every time. She closes her menu. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm not really hungry. 82. GORDON GEKKO I've been following your career, Winnie. Senator Lehigh said some very nice things about you in The American Prospect interview. WINNIE Yeah. She's really been... very... supportive of my... And it trails off... as she just glares at Gordon. WINNIE (CONT'D) I can't do this. She exhales, stands and looks down to Jacob. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm sorry. I can't do this. And she quickly walks off. Jacob frozen. Until Gordon looks over to him with... GORDON GEKKO It's okay. This is a long term investment. (BEAT) Go after her. She needs you. And Jacob does. As Gordon looks down... disappointed. INT. WEST 65TH - NIGHT Pouring rain. Jacob runs after her. JACOB Winnie... Winnie... He turns her around. WINNIE You don't understand. Her tears being washed away by the rain. WINNIE (CONT'D) My mother couldn't handle Rudy. He was so out of control. I couldn't help him. Jacob takes her into his hold... WINNIE (CONT'D) (RE GEKKO) If he wasn't in prison... if he had been there. I know it would've been different. JACOB Your brother's dead, Winnie. 83. Squeezing her tight... JACOB (CONT'D) Your father isn't. WINNIE He's not the person people think he is. JACOB It was a long time ago. She pulls out of his embrace... WINNIE He'll hurt us. Can't we just go home? Please... Jacob. It's raining. And he just looks at her for a long moment... soaking wet and shivering... crying and exposed. JACOB (what am I doing?) I love you. You don't have to do this. (AND THEN) Let's just go home. INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Darkness. The phone rings. Jacob answers it. JACOB Yes. INTERCUT WITH... BRETTON WOODS Your insurance companies are down. He's working a coffee in the master suite of The Black Swan Home... JACOB Bretton. BRETTON WOODS I want to increase our size. Glancing at the LCD, 12:23am... JACOB Okay. Good. It's just a matter of time before they turn. I'll call the DESKS TOMORROW-- BRETTON WOODS Jacob, I want you to triple our positions on all three. 84. Jacob takes a beat. JACOB Okay. BRETTON WOODS And they better fucking go up. Click. And as Jacob just looks at the phone... GORDON GEKKO (PRELAP) The instant you know you're in trouble is the exact moment when a sound investment thesis turns into blind hope. INT. NORMA'S - MORNING Jacob sits across from Gordon at this well-known breakfast spot in the Parker Meridian hotel. GORDON GEKKO Tripling the size... that's a very aggressive move. Jacob nods. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And I promise you he's using leverage to do this. JACOB He's chasing. Suddenly, a MAN approaches the table. He's in his thirties. TOM Mr Gekko, I'm Tom Sanders. I write for Barrons. GORDON GEKKO I've heard of it. Letting out a little laugh... TOM I'm sure you have. (BEAT) Well, I'm doing a piece of Wall Street moguls who ended up going to prison. I've already talked to Boesky and Milken and would love to sit down with you. GORDON GEKKO Can you give me the cover? Tom isn't sure if Gordon's serious. Either is Jacob. 85. TOM Well, I... um... don't make those decisions. GORDON GEKKO Get me the cover and I'll give you seventy minutes. Tom politely smiles. TOM I'll... take that as a no. ... and goes. Gordon looks down to his breakfast and quietly asserts... GORDON GEKKO (almost to himself) Both those assholes got the cover when they were convicted. And after a moment... JACOB How do we know the insurance companies are going to continue going down? As he casually places his egg on a piece of toast... GORDON GEKKO It's all going down. ... and takes a bite. AND THREE CHARTS NOW FILL THE SCREEN Side by side... above the charts are written respectively MCC, ACN and ISS. And we follow all the three trend lines from Aug 17th forward to the right... and they all move down. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Just wait. And we stop in September. And as a blue circle is formed over Sept 13th on all three charts, we... CUT TO: TIME WARNER CENTER/BALLROOM This is The Financial Follies... an annual event held by the financial writers association. 500 people sit at tables, enjoying this dinner and live show that pokes fun at people in the world of finance. Everyone who's anyone in high finance is here. 86. On the stage, the spotlight finds BILL MAHER and the applause breaks out... BILL MAHER Welcome to the 2008 Financial Follies! (APPLAUDS) I'm Bill Maher and I'm getting paid in Euros. Jacob shares a table with Bretton, Bretton's wife and a few other FINANCIAL PLAYERS. Winnie is not here. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) When The Financial Writers Association asked me to host an event for the world of finance, I was shocked. I'm known in Washington not Wall Street... (BEAT) ... but then they informed me that Washington is actually in the process of buying Wall Street, so it all makes sense. Laughter... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I asked them if anything's off limits. And they said to stay away from the brokerages, banks and insurers... (pause for effect, then...) ... where the fuck was that advice five months ago? More laughter. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I see Sammy Rosen's here. The spotlight finds SAMMY ROSEN, billionaire hedge funder. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Sammy, how are you? From his table... SAMMY ROSEN Doing well. BILL MAHER (to the room) Of course he is... in the amount of time it took for us to have that exchange, he made three hundred and nine thousand dollars. (back to Sammy) Sammy, let me give you some free advice, the next time someone with bad eyesight wants to sell you a hundred and fifty million dollar painting... don't let them personally deliver it. 87. It's an inside joke that this room gets... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Somebody told me Gordon Gekko is here. Gordon... ? Across the room, a spotlight finds Gordon... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) There you are. I have some inside information for you, Gekko... sex sells books, not bread lines. Gordon smiles and raises his glass up to Bill. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Talk about your sour grapes. Seriously Gordon -- just because the SEC doesn't let you make obscene amounts of money by being wrong and nefarious doesn't mean you have to ruin it for all of these hard working people. The room applauds... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Okay, we have a video to show now. It's a very detailed and academic account of the current mortgage crises. Let `er rip! And the room goes dark... and on the screen plays a childlike roughly illustrated stick-figure skit being narrated by children. FIRST FRAME Under the caption "Main Street National Bank" is a drawing of a Poor Man sitting across from a Banker Man behind his desk. POOR MAN I'd like a mortgage... I don't really have any money though... is that cool? BANKER MAN Totally cool. Since housing prices are always going up it won't be a problem. POOR MAN You guys are awesome! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "A few weeks later at the bank..." Banker Man now stands over a pile of steaming shit. 88. BANKER MAN Wow, these mortgages are really beginning to smell. I better sell them to smart people. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Smart People Investment Bank" Smart Man stands over the same steaming pile of shit. SMART MAN Wow, these mortgages we just bought really smell. I better sell them to foreigners. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "The CDO Factory" our smart man oversees an assembly line of stick figure workers. SMART MAN (CONT'D) Mix those crappy mortgages in real good with the clean ones so the rating agencies won't smell them. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Rich Man Hedge Fund" a stick figure named Rich Man sits behind his desk and holds a phone to his ear. RICH MAN Good news, Smart Man, not only did foreigners buy those traunches, but so did school boards and charities and big pensions. (BEAT) Why did they buy them you ask? Well, they were looking for a really secure risk-free investment and they were all triple A, so... NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Norwegian Village Pension Fund" a Norwegian Man sits behind his desk and shouts into his phone. NORWEGIAN MAN Hey man! What the fuck? We're not receiving our monthly payments! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Rich Man Hedge Fund," Rich Man at his desk on the phone. RICH MAN Yeah, we fucked up. 89. And it now shuffles between the last two frames... the Norwegian Man and Rich Man. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the rating agencies? RICH MAN Yeah, they fucked up too. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the investment bank that put these CDO's together? RICH MAN Fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the bank that made the original loan? RICH MAN Totally fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What am I supposed to tell my villagers? RICH MAN That you fucked up. The final frame Just the rendering of that steaming pile of shit under the caption... "The End." And the lights go on to a some subdued laughter and a smattering of applause. BILL MAHER What a year -- enjoy the night! INT. FINANCIAL FOLLIES - LATER Desert is served. Jackets are off, cigars are lit, Bretton's wife has gone home. The group at the table is a little drunk and having a good time. BRETTON WOODS It's a good question... what do you think, George? GEORGE, an investment banker at the table, thinks about it. GEORGE The definition of rich... flying private. The table reacts... some agree, other don't. George turns to Jacob. 90. GEORGE (CONT'D) Jacob... ? What do you think? JACOB To be rich... is to have the love of a good woman. They all boo... JACOB (CONT'D) (with a smile) For real... I truly believe that. And Jacob turns to Bretton... JACOB (CONT'D) Bretton... what's your definition of rich? An approaching voice answers it for him. VOICE (O.S.) To have twice as much money as you currently do. As he takes a seat... GORDON GEKKO Isn't that what you always say, Bretton? Then... announcing to the table... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) He brings up the question, runs it round the table then finishes with that. It's an old bit. Also announcing to the table... BRETTON WOODS Be careful Gordon... (looking at Jacob) ... your daughter's financial health is in my hands now. Jacob loses his smile... suddenly becoming uncomfortable. GORDON GEKKO That's right. (BEAT) And the way The Locust Fund has been buying up the insurance companies lately makes me worried about my future grandchildren's college educations. JACOB (TO BRETTON) I didn't tell him. 91. BRETTON WOODS No, I don't suppose you did. Bretton looks over to Jacob. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Go ahead, Jacob, preach your book... defend your names. And Jacob turns to Gordon... JACOB We have a proactive central bank, the charts show a clear bottom on July 15th and these companies are trading at half of what they were six months ago. GORDON GEKKO Just cause it's low don't make it cheap, Sport. JACOB I read your book. GORDON GEKKO It's not out yet. JACOB I have a friend in publishing. (BEAT) 25% unemployment... stagflation... bread lines... Martial law... government seizures of assets and gold... end of democracy... Bretton leans back... taking in this sparring match. JACOB (CONT'D) Really Gordon? Do you really need attention that badly? GORDON GEKKO Since I have forty-four seconds to spare, I'm going to tell you a story. It's about a guy named Sam. And we go close on Gekko... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Sam used to work a job, he made things and he grew things and he sold those things. Until one day Sam got a credit card and was amazed how easy it was to buy things with it. So Sam got another card and then another. Then he used the credit card money to make it look like he had an income... and he used that "income" to secure a loan. (MORE) 92. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And with that loan Sam bought a fancy BMW car and rented a fancy penthouse apartment. (BEAT) Now, the credit cards hit their limit and the bank needed him to service that loan, so Sam went to his friends. His Chinese friend... and his Japanese friend... and his British friend and so on. And his friends loaned Sam money. (ANOTHER BEAT) And that brings us to today... where Sam owes the credit cards and Sam owes the banks and Sam owes his friends and eventually they're going to take away Sam's fancy BMW car and his fancy penthouse apartment. And Jacob can now see... in Gordon Gekko's eyes... he truly believes every word he's saying. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And Sam doesn't make anything anymore and Sam doesn't grow anything anymore so Sam doesn't sell anything anymore. As he stands... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Our favorite Uncle Sam's desperate, Jake... and he just found a printing press in his basement. (BEAT) So you tell me -- where do we go from here? And with that, Gordon Gekko goes. BRETTON WOODS (RE GEKKO) It is sad isn't it? That he can't just take his ball and go home. (BEAT) That he has to piss on the whole game. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - MORNING Rushed, Jacob heads through the lobby of his building. Diego catches his stride. DIEGO (doing his best Howard COSELL) Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! And Jacob just keeps walking... 93. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - MORNING Jacob heads into the office to find Bretton sitting behind his desk. BRETTON WOODS They're not going to save it. They're just going to let it bloody die! And sure enough... on the tv... Fox Business runs footage of Lehman Brother's demise. On the screen, the chyron screams: $700 BILLION GOVERNMENT BAILOUT TO THE BANKS! ALEXIS GLICK (ON TV) And as another US banking institution collapses, Congress is working quickly on a bailout package that will distribute over three hundred billion dollars to other banks in trouble. Bretton turns off the tv and looks to Jacob with... BRETTON WOODS We're getting fucking killed. And Jacob looks up to his electronic ticker... MCC $18.53 -2.34, ACN $12.04 -1.35, ISS $7.03 -.65. JACOB It's capitulation. Bretton holds Jacob's look... fighting to keep his composure. Until... he simply stands and offers Jacob his desk back. BRETTON WOODS Then buy more. Jacob takes his chair and reaches for the phone. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Cost us down to current levels. Jacob looks up, surprised. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) It's just a question of time before this turns around... right? And he glares at Jacob. JACOB Right. Bretton just stares nervously at the electronic ticker... a frazzled gambler talking himself into his bet. BRETTON WOODS Fuck it. 94. As he goes... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Leverage is sexy. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on Sept 16th then travels down the trend line and stops. And as a circle is formed around the Sept 24th, we... CUT TO: INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT LCD reads 4:43 am. Jacob lays awake... staring at the ceiling. WINNIE (O.S.) I would hear him in the kitchen. Jacob turns to see she's awake. JACOB I'm sorry, you have an early train. I'm going to just go to the office now. She leans up. WINNIE He didn't want to keep my mother awake so he'd go into the kitchen and sit there. I could hear him because my room was right up the back stairs.

outfit

How many times the word 'outfit' appears in the text?

(CONT'D) Good job, Jacob... And as they head out into the Dubai heat... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.)(PRE-LAP) So he trust you now. EXT. BOWLING GREEN PARK - DAY The iconic charging bull of Wall Street. JACOB (V.O.) I think so. Travel the park to find... Jacob and Gordon stopping at the food vendors. GORDON GEKKO Well, I'm happy to help. (AND THEN) What about your end of the trade, Sport? JACOB Oh... I'm still working on it. (BEAT) I'll talk to her. I promise. GORDON GEKKO (TO VENDOR) Hot dog. (TO JACOB) What do you want? JACOB (TO VENDOR) I'll take a pretzel. As they get their food and walk... GORDON GEKKO So you're a hedge fund cowboy now? Shaking his head... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Goddamn hedge funds -- what a racket. Playing the world casino, betting other people's money with leverage. And it's completely legal and completely unregulated. (MORE) 71. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) The hustles they get away with make insider trading seem like a parking ticket. SLAM INTO THE FRONTIER FUND/TRADING PIT Rows and rows of computers in a large dark room.... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Nassim Tariq and his Frontier Fund. With their slews of MIT grads who become glorified millionaire robots pushing buttons... ... with casually dressed ASIANS and INDIANS in their 20s working the keyboards like zombies. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... slaves to top-secret propriety elegant algorithms that work until they don't. AND SLAM INTO ESSEX CAPITAL ADVISERS/CONFERENCE ROOM A stuffy conference room half-filled with bored MEN in their 40s watching a presentation... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or the baby cub funds like Sammy Rosen's Essex Advisers... filled with Goldman Sachs and Julian Robertson pedigree. Most of the men type on their blackberrys... one is actually asleep. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Men who are way too rich, lazy and tired to run money properly anymore. THEN SLAM INTO THE DANIELS ACTIVIST FUND/ALLAN DANIELS'S OFFICE A small cluttered office with papers strewn about... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or Allan Daniel's and his bully operation. ALLAN DANIELS, a small bull-dog of a man, paces back and forth... dictating in anger. His SECRETARY types down every word he's shouting. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... with his angry letters to company boards that are nothing but veiled threats in the name of activism. AND RIGHT BACK TO BOWLING GREEN PARK Where Gordon stops walking... 72. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) So you're inside... you have his trust... and now you want to know what's next. And Jacob's look over to Gekko confirms this. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Here's the thing about Bretton. He puts all of his money into his own fund which makes him stupid, egotistical, and most importantly... vulnerable. (BEAT) And he chases. He doesn't take losses well and he chases with leverage. He thinks he's a trader, he thinks he's an investor but he's not. He's a gambler. Regarding Jacob... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) That pretzel looks good. Jacob just shrugs. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Care to make a trade? JACOB Whatever. And they trade. The hotdog for the pretzel. GORDON GEKKO As for your end of our trade. (BEAT) Find a way for me to reunite with my daughter, Jake. Because we both know how she would react to the fact that you've been lying to her about bonding with your future father-in-law. Just standing there... holding that hot dog... JACOB Is that a threat? Looking Jacob dead on... GORDON GEKKO Absolutely. Jacob just shakes his head with a laugh... now realizing that Gekko talked him into this position for this exact leverage. JACOB You're priceless, Gordon. 73. With a smile... GORDON GEKKO Just be happy I'm on your team. (AND THEN) Get him into a bad position and watch him chase it. JACOB What bad position? GORDON GEKKO What have I been saying all along, Kid? JACOB Financials. GORDON GEKKO They're a death trap -- mark my words. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As Jacob takes in his new view... it's spectacular. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) But he won't fall for a brokerage or bank play this late in the game. Everyone knows they're poison. AND TIME LAPSE As the office grows furniture... a plasma on the wall... a computer on the desk... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Sell him on insurance. There's a case to be made for those stocks... ill- fated as they may be. ... books on the shelves... pictures on the walls... a couch and table... a paper shredder and waste baskets... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) But take your time... make him think you've been doing your due diligence. Find Jacob at his desk... working away at his computer... it's late at night. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Make it look like you're working your ass off to find him this genius trade... come in early, leave late and don't bring up the idea for at least a few weeks. And Jacob finally gets up from his desk... goes to the window... looking across midtown Manhattan... 74. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) And then Jacob... ... eyes pasted on a building made of glass and steel... a building he once called home... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... sell him hard... then watch him bite... then watch him chase... ... KZI Investments. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... then watch him come undone. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - DAY Holding his suitcase, Jacob emerges from the elevator and heads for a waiting town car. Jacob sees Diego... JACOB Bring it. Diego smiles... loves this new one... DIEGO What's the most dangerous question on Wall Street? JACOB Tell me. DIEGO "How are you?" And Jacob agrees whole-heartedly as he heads on his way. EXT. WASHINGTON DC - MORNING As the sun rises over our nation's capital. EXT. ROCK CREEK PARK - MORNING Winnie and Jacob jog the park through the humid July haze. It's very early. And Jacob stops jogging. Catches his breath. She keeps running. JACOB Why are you with me? She stops and turns back to him. WINNIE What? 75. JACOB You hate finance. You hate Wall Street. Why are you with me? Winnie nods. It's a valid question. And she thinks about it for a moment, then... WINNIE Repetition compulsion. JACOB Huh? WINNIE It's Freud. JACOB And what does it mean, psych major? WINNIE Well, it's when people repeat the same dysfunctional relationships from childhood in their adult life in hopes of trying to master them. JACOB Like when children of alcoholics fall in love with alcoholics. WINNIE Yeah. He turns away... upset. JACOB That's great, Winnie. WINNIE Jacob, that might be why I was initially attracted to you... but it's not why I love you. She moves to him. WINNIE (CONT'D) I love you because you're compassionate and you care so deeply about what you do and you have like no ego, it's crazy. She reaches to him... turning his face to meet hers. WINNIE (CONT'D) And you're the smartest person I've ever met... and there's nobody I trust more in the world. Jacob looks away... almost ashamed. And Winnie can sense something's not right. 76. WINNIE (CONT'D) What's wrong? JACOB Nothing... As Jacob draws in a deep breath, collects himself and finally turns back to her with... JACOB (CONT'D) I just wish you would master that relationship from childhood so you can move forward with this one. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on July 20th then travels down the trend and stops. And as a circle is formed around August 11th, we... CUT TO: EXT. WESTSIDE HIGHWAY- DAY And Manhattan... as it sweats through the heart of summer. Two jetvans ride uptown... INT. JETVAN - DAY As Jacob rides with Bretton... JACOB Bretton... I found something I like. Bretton looks over to him. BRETTON WOODS I've been wondering when my new portfolio manager was going to come to me with something special. JACOB I just wanted to make sure I would be bringing you the smartest idea possible. I know you don't go light. Confirming... BRETTON WOODS That's right. If I commit to this... we go large and we don't back down. JACOB It might be better to do this in the office. I have color and support to PRESENT-- Waving him off... 77. BRETTON WOODS C'mon Jacob, you know that's not how we do. EXT. ADIRONDACK FOREST PRESERVE - DAY 2.7 million acres of State protected majestic land. All nature... rivers and lakes... cypresses and maples. Clean air. And trails. Many trails that go on for miles. As the two Becker jetvans arrive at a restricted area, a STATE RANGER opens the gate and allows them to drive through then park. Jacob and Bretton emerge from the jetvan. BRETTON WOODS This is how we do. And with a nod, the DRIVER of the other jetvan opens it to reveal two motorcycles inside. Bretton's MTT Turbine Superbike and an Agusta, these bikes are handcrafted works of art as much as they are demons of speed. Jacob laughs in disbelief and excitement. JACOB And we're allowed to ride these through here? Sucking in the fresh summer air... BRETTON WOODS No. AND JACOB AND BRETTON Now decked out in leather riding gear... on the bikes... at the mouth of the trail... revving the engines... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Follow me... And with that, shoots into the forest. Jacob quickly follows. AND THEY RIDE Winding through the trees... along the side of a river... Bretton riding extremely fast with Jacob trying to keep up. Bretton reaches a clearing and waits for Jacob to catch up. Once he does... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) You're going to have to keep up. JACOB Okay. I'm just getting used to it. 78. BRETTON WOODS Tell me your idea. JACOB Here? BRETTON WOODS Where else? JACOB Right. Okay. (COLLECTING HIMSELF) Are you still short any of the financials? BRETTON WOODS No. After KZI, I took profits. JACOB I think it's time to go the other way. BRETTON WOODS Banks? JACOB Insurance companies. I'm talking the old school insurers that have become the babies thrown out with the bath water. Jacob waits for a reaction from Bretton. But all he gets is... BRETTON WOODS Keep up! And with that, Bretton rips into the clearing. Jacob rides just as fast. They're neck and neck... it's definitely a race. Bretton pulls ahead but Jacob doesn't give up. As they move quickly toward a patch of forest with a only narrow trail entering it, Jacob focuses on the horizon and revs the bike into more speed. He pulls up next to Bretton as they approach the trail. If Jacob doesn't slow down, and fall in line behind Bretton, he's going to hit the trees. But he doesn't. Instead, Jacob blasts the bike into its final dose of speed, narrowly avoiding impact by zipping into the trail... pulling ahead of Bretton and taking the lead. A TRANQUIL LAKE As it sits still in the setting sun. Untouched by man. Bretton and Jacob get off the bikes and walk to the shore. As they catch their breaths and enjoy the beauty... 79. JACOB The basket of stocks I'm putting together focuses on reinsurance brokering and management services for businesses. They're trading below book and have large dividends. (BEAT) I say we buy them here. Bretton thinks about it. He's not sure. BRETTON WOODS Financials are a falling knife. Jacob nods... JACOB I'm not arguing that... but the best opportunities are found where angels fear to tread. Jacob can see... he has Bretton on the hook. JACOB (CONT'D) So yeah -- they are falling knives. But Bretton... And with confidence... driving it home... JACOB (CONT'D) ... what's life without a little blood on your hands? INT. JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As WORKERS install an electronic ticker that wraps around the top circumference of the whole office... similar to the one Andrew Zabel had. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) Okay. Then I want you to build positions in your favorite three names. Jacob picks up the phone and... THE SCREEN SPLITS IN TWO With Jacob on top and Robby on the bottom. As Robby takes the order and starts typing into his Bloomberg... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I want you stealth. Use all six trading desks we're in business with. NOW ROBBY'S HALF OF THE SCREEN SPLITS INTO 6 SMALL BOXES 80. Six different trading desks... six different BROKERS taking calls from Jacob who still owns the whole top half of the screen. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) And if they go down... we increase our size. AND BACK TO JACOB Leaning back... feet on desk... staring at the ticker... which only has three stocks on it... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) See Jacob -- I don't believe in "wrong." MCC at $21.65, ACN at $16.24 and ISS at $7.23. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I only believe in "not right yet." EXT. UPPER WEST SIDE - NIGHT A rainstorm takes over the city. A cab pulls out front of Shun Lee Cafe. INT. TAXI - NIGHT Winnie sucks in a deep breath. WINNIE He chose this restaurant. Jacob confirms. WINNIE (CONT'D) We used to come here every Sunday night. He takes her hand. JACOB You're going to be fine. WINNIE I'm only doing this for you. JACOB No. You're doing this for you. She just glares at him. WINNIE We're never having sex again. JACOB Then what my friends say about marriage will be true. 81. And she nervously fights back a smile... WINNIE Oh, shut up. INT. SHUN LEE CAFE - NIGHT The HOST leads Winnie and Jacob through the grand dining room. Gordon sees them and stands up. We can tell he's anxious as well. GORDON GEKKO Hi. Fighting back the nerves... WINNIE Hey. They just stand there. Jacob holds out his hand. JACOB Mr. Gekko, I'm Jacob Moore, we spoke on the phone. Nice to finally meet in person. Gekko just looks at him for an extra long beat, then... shakes his hand. GORDON GEKKO Yes. They all sit. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Jacob, shall we get some wine? JACOB I don't drink. GORDON GEKKO Oh... okay. Then Gordon attempts a smile over to his daughter. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Let me guess... the ginger garlic lobster. WINNIE (TO JACOB) I used to order that every time. She closes her menu. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm not really hungry. 82. GORDON GEKKO I've been following your career, Winnie. Senator Lehigh said some very nice things about you in The American Prospect interview. WINNIE Yeah. She's really been... very... supportive of my... And it trails off... as she just glares at Gordon. WINNIE (CONT'D) I can't do this. She exhales, stands and looks down to Jacob. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm sorry. I can't do this. And she quickly walks off. Jacob frozen. Until Gordon looks over to him with... GORDON GEKKO It's okay. This is a long term investment. (BEAT) Go after her. She needs you. And Jacob does. As Gordon looks down... disappointed. INT. WEST 65TH - NIGHT Pouring rain. Jacob runs after her. JACOB Winnie... Winnie... He turns her around. WINNIE You don't understand. Her tears being washed away by the rain. WINNIE (CONT'D) My mother couldn't handle Rudy. He was so out of control. I couldn't help him. Jacob takes her into his hold... WINNIE (CONT'D) (RE GEKKO) If he wasn't in prison... if he had been there. I know it would've been different. JACOB Your brother's dead, Winnie. 83. Squeezing her tight... JACOB (CONT'D) Your father isn't. WINNIE He's not the person people think he is. JACOB It was a long time ago. She pulls out of his embrace... WINNIE He'll hurt us. Can't we just go home? Please... Jacob. It's raining. And he just looks at her for a long moment... soaking wet and shivering... crying and exposed. JACOB (what am I doing?) I love you. You don't have to do this. (AND THEN) Let's just go home. INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Darkness. The phone rings. Jacob answers it. JACOB Yes. INTERCUT WITH... BRETTON WOODS Your insurance companies are down. He's working a coffee in the master suite of The Black Swan Home... JACOB Bretton. BRETTON WOODS I want to increase our size. Glancing at the LCD, 12:23am... JACOB Okay. Good. It's just a matter of time before they turn. I'll call the DESKS TOMORROW-- BRETTON WOODS Jacob, I want you to triple our positions on all three. 84. Jacob takes a beat. JACOB Okay. BRETTON WOODS And they better fucking go up. Click. And as Jacob just looks at the phone... GORDON GEKKO (PRELAP) The instant you know you're in trouble is the exact moment when a sound investment thesis turns into blind hope. INT. NORMA'S - MORNING Jacob sits across from Gordon at this well-known breakfast spot in the Parker Meridian hotel. GORDON GEKKO Tripling the size... that's a very aggressive move. Jacob nods. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And I promise you he's using leverage to do this. JACOB He's chasing. Suddenly, a MAN approaches the table. He's in his thirties. TOM Mr Gekko, I'm Tom Sanders. I write for Barrons. GORDON GEKKO I've heard of it. Letting out a little laugh... TOM I'm sure you have. (BEAT) Well, I'm doing a piece of Wall Street moguls who ended up going to prison. I've already talked to Boesky and Milken and would love to sit down with you. GORDON GEKKO Can you give me the cover? Tom isn't sure if Gordon's serious. Either is Jacob. 85. TOM Well, I... um... don't make those decisions. GORDON GEKKO Get me the cover and I'll give you seventy minutes. Tom politely smiles. TOM I'll... take that as a no. ... and goes. Gordon looks down to his breakfast and quietly asserts... GORDON GEKKO (almost to himself) Both those assholes got the cover when they were convicted. And after a moment... JACOB How do we know the insurance companies are going to continue going down? As he casually places his egg on a piece of toast... GORDON GEKKO It's all going down. ... and takes a bite. AND THREE CHARTS NOW FILL THE SCREEN Side by side... above the charts are written respectively MCC, ACN and ISS. And we follow all the three trend lines from Aug 17th forward to the right... and they all move down. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Just wait. And we stop in September. And as a blue circle is formed over Sept 13th on all three charts, we... CUT TO: TIME WARNER CENTER/BALLROOM This is The Financial Follies... an annual event held by the financial writers association. 500 people sit at tables, enjoying this dinner and live show that pokes fun at people in the world of finance. Everyone who's anyone in high finance is here. 86. On the stage, the spotlight finds BILL MAHER and the applause breaks out... BILL MAHER Welcome to the 2008 Financial Follies! (APPLAUDS) I'm Bill Maher and I'm getting paid in Euros. Jacob shares a table with Bretton, Bretton's wife and a few other FINANCIAL PLAYERS. Winnie is not here. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) When The Financial Writers Association asked me to host an event for the world of finance, I was shocked. I'm known in Washington not Wall Street... (BEAT) ... but then they informed me that Washington is actually in the process of buying Wall Street, so it all makes sense. Laughter... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I asked them if anything's off limits. And they said to stay away from the brokerages, banks and insurers... (pause for effect, then...) ... where the fuck was that advice five months ago? More laughter. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I see Sammy Rosen's here. The spotlight finds SAMMY ROSEN, billionaire hedge funder. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Sammy, how are you? From his table... SAMMY ROSEN Doing well. BILL MAHER (to the room) Of course he is... in the amount of time it took for us to have that exchange, he made three hundred and nine thousand dollars. (back to Sammy) Sammy, let me give you some free advice, the next time someone with bad eyesight wants to sell you a hundred and fifty million dollar painting... don't let them personally deliver it. 87. It's an inside joke that this room gets... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Somebody told me Gordon Gekko is here. Gordon... ? Across the room, a spotlight finds Gordon... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) There you are. I have some inside information for you, Gekko... sex sells books, not bread lines. Gordon smiles and raises his glass up to Bill. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Talk about your sour grapes. Seriously Gordon -- just because the SEC doesn't let you make obscene amounts of money by being wrong and nefarious doesn't mean you have to ruin it for all of these hard working people. The room applauds... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Okay, we have a video to show now. It's a very detailed and academic account of the current mortgage crises. Let `er rip! And the room goes dark... and on the screen plays a childlike roughly illustrated stick-figure skit being narrated by children. FIRST FRAME Under the caption "Main Street National Bank" is a drawing of a Poor Man sitting across from a Banker Man behind his desk. POOR MAN I'd like a mortgage... I don't really have any money though... is that cool? BANKER MAN Totally cool. Since housing prices are always going up it won't be a problem. POOR MAN You guys are awesome! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "A few weeks later at the bank..." Banker Man now stands over a pile of steaming shit. 88. BANKER MAN Wow, these mortgages are really beginning to smell. I better sell them to smart people. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Smart People Investment Bank" Smart Man stands over the same steaming pile of shit. SMART MAN Wow, these mortgages we just bought really smell. I better sell them to foreigners. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "The CDO Factory" our smart man oversees an assembly line of stick figure workers. SMART MAN (CONT'D) Mix those crappy mortgages in real good with the clean ones so the rating agencies won't smell them. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Rich Man Hedge Fund" a stick figure named Rich Man sits behind his desk and holds a phone to his ear. RICH MAN Good news, Smart Man, not only did foreigners buy those traunches, but so did school boards and charities and big pensions. (BEAT) Why did they buy them you ask? Well, they were looking for a really secure risk-free investment and they were all triple A, so... NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Norwegian Village Pension Fund" a Norwegian Man sits behind his desk and shouts into his phone. NORWEGIAN MAN Hey man! What the fuck? We're not receiving our monthly payments! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Rich Man Hedge Fund," Rich Man at his desk on the phone. RICH MAN Yeah, we fucked up. 89. And it now shuffles between the last two frames... the Norwegian Man and Rich Man. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the rating agencies? RICH MAN Yeah, they fucked up too. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the investment bank that put these CDO's together? RICH MAN Fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the bank that made the original loan? RICH MAN Totally fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What am I supposed to tell my villagers? RICH MAN That you fucked up. The final frame Just the rendering of that steaming pile of shit under the caption... "The End." And the lights go on to a some subdued laughter and a smattering of applause. BILL MAHER What a year -- enjoy the night! INT. FINANCIAL FOLLIES - LATER Desert is served. Jackets are off, cigars are lit, Bretton's wife has gone home. The group at the table is a little drunk and having a good time. BRETTON WOODS It's a good question... what do you think, George? GEORGE, an investment banker at the table, thinks about it. GEORGE The definition of rich... flying private. The table reacts... some agree, other don't. George turns to Jacob. 90. GEORGE (CONT'D) Jacob... ? What do you think? JACOB To be rich... is to have the love of a good woman. They all boo... JACOB (CONT'D) (with a smile) For real... I truly believe that. And Jacob turns to Bretton... JACOB (CONT'D) Bretton... what's your definition of rich? An approaching voice answers it for him. VOICE (O.S.) To have twice as much money as you currently do. As he takes a seat... GORDON GEKKO Isn't that what you always say, Bretton? Then... announcing to the table... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) He brings up the question, runs it round the table then finishes with that. It's an old bit. Also announcing to the table... BRETTON WOODS Be careful Gordon... (looking at Jacob) ... your daughter's financial health is in my hands now. Jacob loses his smile... suddenly becoming uncomfortable. GORDON GEKKO That's right. (BEAT) And the way The Locust Fund has been buying up the insurance companies lately makes me worried about my future grandchildren's college educations. JACOB (TO BRETTON) I didn't tell him. 91. BRETTON WOODS No, I don't suppose you did. Bretton looks over to Jacob. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Go ahead, Jacob, preach your book... defend your names. And Jacob turns to Gordon... JACOB We have a proactive central bank, the charts show a clear bottom on July 15th and these companies are trading at half of what they were six months ago. GORDON GEKKO Just cause it's low don't make it cheap, Sport. JACOB I read your book. GORDON GEKKO It's not out yet. JACOB I have a friend in publishing. (BEAT) 25% unemployment... stagflation... bread lines... Martial law... government seizures of assets and gold... end of democracy... Bretton leans back... taking in this sparring match. JACOB (CONT'D) Really Gordon? Do you really need attention that badly? GORDON GEKKO Since I have forty-four seconds to spare, I'm going to tell you a story. It's about a guy named Sam. And we go close on Gekko... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Sam used to work a job, he made things and he grew things and he sold those things. Until one day Sam got a credit card and was amazed how easy it was to buy things with it. So Sam got another card and then another. Then he used the credit card money to make it look like he had an income... and he used that "income" to secure a loan. (MORE) 92. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And with that loan Sam bought a fancy BMW car and rented a fancy penthouse apartment. (BEAT) Now, the credit cards hit their limit and the bank needed him to service that loan, so Sam went to his friends. His Chinese friend... and his Japanese friend... and his British friend and so on. And his friends loaned Sam money. (ANOTHER BEAT) And that brings us to today... where Sam owes the credit cards and Sam owes the banks and Sam owes his friends and eventually they're going to take away Sam's fancy BMW car and his fancy penthouse apartment. And Jacob can now see... in Gordon Gekko's eyes... he truly believes every word he's saying. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And Sam doesn't make anything anymore and Sam doesn't grow anything anymore so Sam doesn't sell anything anymore. As he stands... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Our favorite Uncle Sam's desperate, Jake... and he just found a printing press in his basement. (BEAT) So you tell me -- where do we go from here? And with that, Gordon Gekko goes. BRETTON WOODS (RE GEKKO) It is sad isn't it? That he can't just take his ball and go home. (BEAT) That he has to piss on the whole game. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - MORNING Rushed, Jacob heads through the lobby of his building. Diego catches his stride. DIEGO (doing his best Howard COSELL) Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! And Jacob just keeps walking... 93. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - MORNING Jacob heads into the office to find Bretton sitting behind his desk. BRETTON WOODS They're not going to save it. They're just going to let it bloody die! And sure enough... on the tv... Fox Business runs footage of Lehman Brother's demise. On the screen, the chyron screams: $700 BILLION GOVERNMENT BAILOUT TO THE BANKS! ALEXIS GLICK (ON TV) And as another US banking institution collapses, Congress is working quickly on a bailout package that will distribute over three hundred billion dollars to other banks in trouble. Bretton turns off the tv and looks to Jacob with... BRETTON WOODS We're getting fucking killed. And Jacob looks up to his electronic ticker... MCC $18.53 -2.34, ACN $12.04 -1.35, ISS $7.03 -.65. JACOB It's capitulation. Bretton holds Jacob's look... fighting to keep his composure. Until... he simply stands and offers Jacob his desk back. BRETTON WOODS Then buy more. Jacob takes his chair and reaches for the phone. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Cost us down to current levels. Jacob looks up, surprised. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) It's just a question of time before this turns around... right? And he glares at Jacob. JACOB Right. Bretton just stares nervously at the electronic ticker... a frazzled gambler talking himself into his bet. BRETTON WOODS Fuck it. 94. As he goes... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Leverage is sexy. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on Sept 16th then travels down the trend line and stops. And as a circle is formed around the Sept 24th, we... CUT TO: INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT LCD reads 4:43 am. Jacob lays awake... staring at the ceiling. WINNIE (O.S.) I would hear him in the kitchen. Jacob turns to see she's awake. JACOB I'm sorry, you have an early train. I'm going to just go to the office now. She leans up. WINNIE He didn't want to keep my mother awake so he'd go into the kitchen and sit there. I could hear him because my room was right up the back stairs.

starts

How many times the word 'starts' appears in the text?

(CONT'D) Good job, Jacob... And as they head out into the Dubai heat... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.)(PRE-LAP) So he trust you now. EXT. BOWLING GREEN PARK - DAY The iconic charging bull of Wall Street. JACOB (V.O.) I think so. Travel the park to find... Jacob and Gordon stopping at the food vendors. GORDON GEKKO Well, I'm happy to help. (AND THEN) What about your end of the trade, Sport? JACOB Oh... I'm still working on it. (BEAT) I'll talk to her. I promise. GORDON GEKKO (TO VENDOR) Hot dog. (TO JACOB) What do you want? JACOB (TO VENDOR) I'll take a pretzel. As they get their food and walk... GORDON GEKKO So you're a hedge fund cowboy now? Shaking his head... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Goddamn hedge funds -- what a racket. Playing the world casino, betting other people's money with leverage. And it's completely legal and completely unregulated. (MORE) 71. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) The hustles they get away with make insider trading seem like a parking ticket. SLAM INTO THE FRONTIER FUND/TRADING PIT Rows and rows of computers in a large dark room.... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Nassim Tariq and his Frontier Fund. With their slews of MIT grads who become glorified millionaire robots pushing buttons... ... with casually dressed ASIANS and INDIANS in their 20s working the keyboards like zombies. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... slaves to top-secret propriety elegant algorithms that work until they don't. AND SLAM INTO ESSEX CAPITAL ADVISERS/CONFERENCE ROOM A stuffy conference room half-filled with bored MEN in their 40s watching a presentation... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or the baby cub funds like Sammy Rosen's Essex Advisers... filled with Goldman Sachs and Julian Robertson pedigree. Most of the men type on their blackberrys... one is actually asleep. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Men who are way too rich, lazy and tired to run money properly anymore. THEN SLAM INTO THE DANIELS ACTIVIST FUND/ALLAN DANIELS'S OFFICE A small cluttered office with papers strewn about... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or Allan Daniel's and his bully operation. ALLAN DANIELS, a small bull-dog of a man, paces back and forth... dictating in anger. His SECRETARY types down every word he's shouting. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... with his angry letters to company boards that are nothing but veiled threats in the name of activism. AND RIGHT BACK TO BOWLING GREEN PARK Where Gordon stops walking... 72. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) So you're inside... you have his trust... and now you want to know what's next. And Jacob's look over to Gekko confirms this. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Here's the thing about Bretton. He puts all of his money into his own fund which makes him stupid, egotistical, and most importantly... vulnerable. (BEAT) And he chases. He doesn't take losses well and he chases with leverage. He thinks he's a trader, he thinks he's an investor but he's not. He's a gambler. Regarding Jacob... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) That pretzel looks good. Jacob just shrugs. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Care to make a trade? JACOB Whatever. And they trade. The hotdog for the pretzel. GORDON GEKKO As for your end of our trade. (BEAT) Find a way for me to reunite with my daughter, Jake. Because we both know how she would react to the fact that you've been lying to her about bonding with your future father-in-law. Just standing there... holding that hot dog... JACOB Is that a threat? Looking Jacob dead on... GORDON GEKKO Absolutely. Jacob just shakes his head with a laugh... now realizing that Gekko talked him into this position for this exact leverage. JACOB You're priceless, Gordon. 73. With a smile... GORDON GEKKO Just be happy I'm on your team. (AND THEN) Get him into a bad position and watch him chase it. JACOB What bad position? GORDON GEKKO What have I been saying all along, Kid? JACOB Financials. GORDON GEKKO They're a death trap -- mark my words. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As Jacob takes in his new view... it's spectacular. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) But he won't fall for a brokerage or bank play this late in the game. Everyone knows they're poison. AND TIME LAPSE As the office grows furniture... a plasma on the wall... a computer on the desk... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Sell him on insurance. There's a case to be made for those stocks... ill- fated as they may be. ... books on the shelves... pictures on the walls... a couch and table... a paper shredder and waste baskets... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) But take your time... make him think you've been doing your due diligence. Find Jacob at his desk... working away at his computer... it's late at night. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Make it look like you're working your ass off to find him this genius trade... come in early, leave late and don't bring up the idea for at least a few weeks. And Jacob finally gets up from his desk... goes to the window... looking across midtown Manhattan... 74. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) And then Jacob... ... eyes pasted on a building made of glass and steel... a building he once called home... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... sell him hard... then watch him bite... then watch him chase... ... KZI Investments. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... then watch him come undone. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - DAY Holding his suitcase, Jacob emerges from the elevator and heads for a waiting town car. Jacob sees Diego... JACOB Bring it. Diego smiles... loves this new one... DIEGO What's the most dangerous question on Wall Street? JACOB Tell me. DIEGO "How are you?" And Jacob agrees whole-heartedly as he heads on his way. EXT. WASHINGTON DC - MORNING As the sun rises over our nation's capital. EXT. ROCK CREEK PARK - MORNING Winnie and Jacob jog the park through the humid July haze. It's very early. And Jacob stops jogging. Catches his breath. She keeps running. JACOB Why are you with me? She stops and turns back to him. WINNIE What? 75. JACOB You hate finance. You hate Wall Street. Why are you with me? Winnie nods. It's a valid question. And she thinks about it for a moment, then... WINNIE Repetition compulsion. JACOB Huh? WINNIE It's Freud. JACOB And what does it mean, psych major? WINNIE Well, it's when people repeat the same dysfunctional relationships from childhood in their adult life in hopes of trying to master them. JACOB Like when children of alcoholics fall in love with alcoholics. WINNIE Yeah. He turns away... upset. JACOB That's great, Winnie. WINNIE Jacob, that might be why I was initially attracted to you... but it's not why I love you. She moves to him. WINNIE (CONT'D) I love you because you're compassionate and you care so deeply about what you do and you have like no ego, it's crazy. She reaches to him... turning his face to meet hers. WINNIE (CONT'D) And you're the smartest person I've ever met... and there's nobody I trust more in the world. Jacob looks away... almost ashamed. And Winnie can sense something's not right. 76. WINNIE (CONT'D) What's wrong? JACOB Nothing... As Jacob draws in a deep breath, collects himself and finally turns back to her with... JACOB (CONT'D) I just wish you would master that relationship from childhood so you can move forward with this one. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on July 20th then travels down the trend and stops. And as a circle is formed around August 11th, we... CUT TO: EXT. WESTSIDE HIGHWAY- DAY And Manhattan... as it sweats through the heart of summer. Two jetvans ride uptown... INT. JETVAN - DAY As Jacob rides with Bretton... JACOB Bretton... I found something I like. Bretton looks over to him. BRETTON WOODS I've been wondering when my new portfolio manager was going to come to me with something special. JACOB I just wanted to make sure I would be bringing you the smartest idea possible. I know you don't go light. Confirming... BRETTON WOODS That's right. If I commit to this... we go large and we don't back down. JACOB It might be better to do this in the office. I have color and support to PRESENT-- Waving him off... 77. BRETTON WOODS C'mon Jacob, you know that's not how we do. EXT. ADIRONDACK FOREST PRESERVE - DAY 2.7 million acres of State protected majestic land. All nature... rivers and lakes... cypresses and maples. Clean air. And trails. Many trails that go on for miles. As the two Becker jetvans arrive at a restricted area, a STATE RANGER opens the gate and allows them to drive through then park. Jacob and Bretton emerge from the jetvan. BRETTON WOODS This is how we do. And with a nod, the DRIVER of the other jetvan opens it to reveal two motorcycles inside. Bretton's MTT Turbine Superbike and an Agusta, these bikes are handcrafted works of art as much as they are demons of speed. Jacob laughs in disbelief and excitement. JACOB And we're allowed to ride these through here? Sucking in the fresh summer air... BRETTON WOODS No. AND JACOB AND BRETTON Now decked out in leather riding gear... on the bikes... at the mouth of the trail... revving the engines... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Follow me... And with that, shoots into the forest. Jacob quickly follows. AND THEY RIDE Winding through the trees... along the side of a river... Bretton riding extremely fast with Jacob trying to keep up. Bretton reaches a clearing and waits for Jacob to catch up. Once he does... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) You're going to have to keep up. JACOB Okay. I'm just getting used to it. 78. BRETTON WOODS Tell me your idea. JACOB Here? BRETTON WOODS Where else? JACOB Right. Okay. (COLLECTING HIMSELF) Are you still short any of the financials? BRETTON WOODS No. After KZI, I took profits. JACOB I think it's time to go the other way. BRETTON WOODS Banks? JACOB Insurance companies. I'm talking the old school insurers that have become the babies thrown out with the bath water. Jacob waits for a reaction from Bretton. But all he gets is... BRETTON WOODS Keep up! And with that, Bretton rips into the clearing. Jacob rides just as fast. They're neck and neck... it's definitely a race. Bretton pulls ahead but Jacob doesn't give up. As they move quickly toward a patch of forest with a only narrow trail entering it, Jacob focuses on the horizon and revs the bike into more speed. He pulls up next to Bretton as they approach the trail. If Jacob doesn't slow down, and fall in line behind Bretton, he's going to hit the trees. But he doesn't. Instead, Jacob blasts the bike into its final dose of speed, narrowly avoiding impact by zipping into the trail... pulling ahead of Bretton and taking the lead. A TRANQUIL LAKE As it sits still in the setting sun. Untouched by man. Bretton and Jacob get off the bikes and walk to the shore. As they catch their breaths and enjoy the beauty... 79. JACOB The basket of stocks I'm putting together focuses on reinsurance brokering and management services for businesses. They're trading below book and have large dividends. (BEAT) I say we buy them here. Bretton thinks about it. He's not sure. BRETTON WOODS Financials are a falling knife. Jacob nods... JACOB I'm not arguing that... but the best opportunities are found where angels fear to tread. Jacob can see... he has Bretton on the hook. JACOB (CONT'D) So yeah -- they are falling knives. But Bretton... And with confidence... driving it home... JACOB (CONT'D) ... what's life without a little blood on your hands? INT. JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As WORKERS install an electronic ticker that wraps around the top circumference of the whole office... similar to the one Andrew Zabel had. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) Okay. Then I want you to build positions in your favorite three names. Jacob picks up the phone and... THE SCREEN SPLITS IN TWO With Jacob on top and Robby on the bottom. As Robby takes the order and starts typing into his Bloomberg... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I want you stealth. Use all six trading desks we're in business with. NOW ROBBY'S HALF OF THE SCREEN SPLITS INTO 6 SMALL BOXES 80. Six different trading desks... six different BROKERS taking calls from Jacob who still owns the whole top half of the screen. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) And if they go down... we increase our size. AND BACK TO JACOB Leaning back... feet on desk... staring at the ticker... which only has three stocks on it... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) See Jacob -- I don't believe in "wrong." MCC at $21.65, ACN at $16.24 and ISS at $7.23. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I only believe in "not right yet." EXT. UPPER WEST SIDE - NIGHT A rainstorm takes over the city. A cab pulls out front of Shun Lee Cafe. INT. TAXI - NIGHT Winnie sucks in a deep breath. WINNIE He chose this restaurant. Jacob confirms. WINNIE (CONT'D) We used to come here every Sunday night. He takes her hand. JACOB You're going to be fine. WINNIE I'm only doing this for you. JACOB No. You're doing this for you. She just glares at him. WINNIE We're never having sex again. JACOB Then what my friends say about marriage will be true. 81. And she nervously fights back a smile... WINNIE Oh, shut up. INT. SHUN LEE CAFE - NIGHT The HOST leads Winnie and Jacob through the grand dining room. Gordon sees them and stands up. We can tell he's anxious as well. GORDON GEKKO Hi. Fighting back the nerves... WINNIE Hey. They just stand there. Jacob holds out his hand. JACOB Mr. Gekko, I'm Jacob Moore, we spoke on the phone. Nice to finally meet in person. Gekko just looks at him for an extra long beat, then... shakes his hand. GORDON GEKKO Yes. They all sit. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Jacob, shall we get some wine? JACOB I don't drink. GORDON GEKKO Oh... okay. Then Gordon attempts a smile over to his daughter. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Let me guess... the ginger garlic lobster. WINNIE (TO JACOB) I used to order that every time. She closes her menu. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm not really hungry. 82. GORDON GEKKO I've been following your career, Winnie. Senator Lehigh said some very nice things about you in The American Prospect interview. WINNIE Yeah. She's really been... very... supportive of my... And it trails off... as she just glares at Gordon. WINNIE (CONT'D) I can't do this. She exhales, stands and looks down to Jacob. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm sorry. I can't do this. And she quickly walks off. Jacob frozen. Until Gordon looks over to him with... GORDON GEKKO It's okay. This is a long term investment. (BEAT) Go after her. She needs you. And Jacob does. As Gordon looks down... disappointed. INT. WEST 65TH - NIGHT Pouring rain. Jacob runs after her. JACOB Winnie... Winnie... He turns her around. WINNIE You don't understand. Her tears being washed away by the rain. WINNIE (CONT'D) My mother couldn't handle Rudy. He was so out of control. I couldn't help him. Jacob takes her into his hold... WINNIE (CONT'D) (RE GEKKO) If he wasn't in prison... if he had been there. I know it would've been different. JACOB Your brother's dead, Winnie. 83. Squeezing her tight... JACOB (CONT'D) Your father isn't. WINNIE He's not the person people think he is. JACOB It was a long time ago. She pulls out of his embrace... WINNIE He'll hurt us. Can't we just go home? Please... Jacob. It's raining. And he just looks at her for a long moment... soaking wet and shivering... crying and exposed. JACOB (what am I doing?) I love you. You don't have to do this. (AND THEN) Let's just go home. INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Darkness. The phone rings. Jacob answers it. JACOB Yes. INTERCUT WITH... BRETTON WOODS Your insurance companies are down. He's working a coffee in the master suite of The Black Swan Home... JACOB Bretton. BRETTON WOODS I want to increase our size. Glancing at the LCD, 12:23am... JACOB Okay. Good. It's just a matter of time before they turn. I'll call the DESKS TOMORROW-- BRETTON WOODS Jacob, I want you to triple our positions on all three. 84. Jacob takes a beat. JACOB Okay. BRETTON WOODS And they better fucking go up. Click. And as Jacob just looks at the phone... GORDON GEKKO (PRELAP) The instant you know you're in trouble is the exact moment when a sound investment thesis turns into blind hope. INT. NORMA'S - MORNING Jacob sits across from Gordon at this well-known breakfast spot in the Parker Meridian hotel. GORDON GEKKO Tripling the size... that's a very aggressive move. Jacob nods. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And I promise you he's using leverage to do this. JACOB He's chasing. Suddenly, a MAN approaches the table. He's in his thirties. TOM Mr Gekko, I'm Tom Sanders. I write for Barrons. GORDON GEKKO I've heard of it. Letting out a little laugh... TOM I'm sure you have. (BEAT) Well, I'm doing a piece of Wall Street moguls who ended up going to prison. I've already talked to Boesky and Milken and would love to sit down with you. GORDON GEKKO Can you give me the cover? Tom isn't sure if Gordon's serious. Either is Jacob. 85. TOM Well, I... um... don't make those decisions. GORDON GEKKO Get me the cover and I'll give you seventy minutes. Tom politely smiles. TOM I'll... take that as a no. ... and goes. Gordon looks down to his breakfast and quietly asserts... GORDON GEKKO (almost to himself) Both those assholes got the cover when they were convicted. And after a moment... JACOB How do we know the insurance companies are going to continue going down? As he casually places his egg on a piece of toast... GORDON GEKKO It's all going down. ... and takes a bite. AND THREE CHARTS NOW FILL THE SCREEN Side by side... above the charts are written respectively MCC, ACN and ISS. And we follow all the three trend lines from Aug 17th forward to the right... and they all move down. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Just wait. And we stop in September. And as a blue circle is formed over Sept 13th on all three charts, we... CUT TO: TIME WARNER CENTER/BALLROOM This is The Financial Follies... an annual event held by the financial writers association. 500 people sit at tables, enjoying this dinner and live show that pokes fun at people in the world of finance. Everyone who's anyone in high finance is here. 86. On the stage, the spotlight finds BILL MAHER and the applause breaks out... BILL MAHER Welcome to the 2008 Financial Follies! (APPLAUDS) I'm Bill Maher and I'm getting paid in Euros. Jacob shares a table with Bretton, Bretton's wife and a few other FINANCIAL PLAYERS. Winnie is not here. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) When The Financial Writers Association asked me to host an event for the world of finance, I was shocked. I'm known in Washington not Wall Street... (BEAT) ... but then they informed me that Washington is actually in the process of buying Wall Street, so it all makes sense. Laughter... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I asked them if anything's off limits. And they said to stay away from the brokerages, banks and insurers... (pause for effect, then...) ... where the fuck was that advice five months ago? More laughter. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I see Sammy Rosen's here. The spotlight finds SAMMY ROSEN, billionaire hedge funder. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Sammy, how are you? From his table... SAMMY ROSEN Doing well. BILL MAHER (to the room) Of course he is... in the amount of time it took for us to have that exchange, he made three hundred and nine thousand dollars. (back to Sammy) Sammy, let me give you some free advice, the next time someone with bad eyesight wants to sell you a hundred and fifty million dollar painting... don't let them personally deliver it. 87. It's an inside joke that this room gets... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Somebody told me Gordon Gekko is here. Gordon... ? Across the room, a spotlight finds Gordon... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) There you are. I have some inside information for you, Gekko... sex sells books, not bread lines. Gordon smiles and raises his glass up to Bill. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Talk about your sour grapes. Seriously Gordon -- just because the SEC doesn't let you make obscene amounts of money by being wrong and nefarious doesn't mean you have to ruin it for all of these hard working people. The room applauds... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Okay, we have a video to show now. It's a very detailed and academic account of the current mortgage crises. Let `er rip! And the room goes dark... and on the screen plays a childlike roughly illustrated stick-figure skit being narrated by children. FIRST FRAME Under the caption "Main Street National Bank" is a drawing of a Poor Man sitting across from a Banker Man behind his desk. POOR MAN I'd like a mortgage... I don't really have any money though... is that cool? BANKER MAN Totally cool. Since housing prices are always going up it won't be a problem. POOR MAN You guys are awesome! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "A few weeks later at the bank..." Banker Man now stands over a pile of steaming shit. 88. BANKER MAN Wow, these mortgages are really beginning to smell. I better sell them to smart people. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Smart People Investment Bank" Smart Man stands over the same steaming pile of shit. SMART MAN Wow, these mortgages we just bought really smell. I better sell them to foreigners. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "The CDO Factory" our smart man oversees an assembly line of stick figure workers. SMART MAN (CONT'D) Mix those crappy mortgages in real good with the clean ones so the rating agencies won't smell them. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Rich Man Hedge Fund" a stick figure named Rich Man sits behind his desk and holds a phone to his ear. RICH MAN Good news, Smart Man, not only did foreigners buy those traunches, but so did school boards and charities and big pensions. (BEAT) Why did they buy them you ask? Well, they were looking for a really secure risk-free investment and they were all triple A, so... NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Norwegian Village Pension Fund" a Norwegian Man sits behind his desk and shouts into his phone. NORWEGIAN MAN Hey man! What the fuck? We're not receiving our monthly payments! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Rich Man Hedge Fund," Rich Man at his desk on the phone. RICH MAN Yeah, we fucked up. 89. And it now shuffles between the last two frames... the Norwegian Man and Rich Man. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the rating agencies? RICH MAN Yeah, they fucked up too. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the investment bank that put these CDO's together? RICH MAN Fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the bank that made the original loan? RICH MAN Totally fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What am I supposed to tell my villagers? RICH MAN That you fucked up. The final frame Just the rendering of that steaming pile of shit under the caption... "The End." And the lights go on to a some subdued laughter and a smattering of applause. BILL MAHER What a year -- enjoy the night! INT. FINANCIAL FOLLIES - LATER Desert is served. Jackets are off, cigars are lit, Bretton's wife has gone home. The group at the table is a little drunk and having a good time. BRETTON WOODS It's a good question... what do you think, George? GEORGE, an investment banker at the table, thinks about it. GEORGE The definition of rich... flying private. The table reacts... some agree, other don't. George turns to Jacob. 90. GEORGE (CONT'D) Jacob... ? What do you think? JACOB To be rich... is to have the love of a good woman. They all boo... JACOB (CONT'D) (with a smile) For real... I truly believe that. And Jacob turns to Bretton... JACOB (CONT'D) Bretton... what's your definition of rich? An approaching voice answers it for him. VOICE (O.S.) To have twice as much money as you currently do. As he takes a seat... GORDON GEKKO Isn't that what you always say, Bretton? Then... announcing to the table... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) He brings up the question, runs it round the table then finishes with that. It's an old bit. Also announcing to the table... BRETTON WOODS Be careful Gordon... (looking at Jacob) ... your daughter's financial health is in my hands now. Jacob loses his smile... suddenly becoming uncomfortable. GORDON GEKKO That's right. (BEAT) And the way The Locust Fund has been buying up the insurance companies lately makes me worried about my future grandchildren's college educations. JACOB (TO BRETTON) I didn't tell him. 91. BRETTON WOODS No, I don't suppose you did. Bretton looks over to Jacob. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Go ahead, Jacob, preach your book... defend your names. And Jacob turns to Gordon... JACOB We have a proactive central bank, the charts show a clear bottom on July 15th and these companies are trading at half of what they were six months ago. GORDON GEKKO Just cause it's low don't make it cheap, Sport. JACOB I read your book. GORDON GEKKO It's not out yet. JACOB I have a friend in publishing. (BEAT) 25% unemployment... stagflation... bread lines... Martial law... government seizures of assets and gold... end of democracy... Bretton leans back... taking in this sparring match. JACOB (CONT'D) Really Gordon? Do you really need attention that badly? GORDON GEKKO Since I have forty-four seconds to spare, I'm going to tell you a story. It's about a guy named Sam. And we go close on Gekko... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Sam used to work a job, he made things and he grew things and he sold those things. Until one day Sam got a credit card and was amazed how easy it was to buy things with it. So Sam got another card and then another. Then he used the credit card money to make it look like he had an income... and he used that "income" to secure a loan. (MORE) 92. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And with that loan Sam bought a fancy BMW car and rented a fancy penthouse apartment. (BEAT) Now, the credit cards hit their limit and the bank needed him to service that loan, so Sam went to his friends. His Chinese friend... and his Japanese friend... and his British friend and so on. And his friends loaned Sam money. (ANOTHER BEAT) And that brings us to today... where Sam owes the credit cards and Sam owes the banks and Sam owes his friends and eventually they're going to take away Sam's fancy BMW car and his fancy penthouse apartment. And Jacob can now see... in Gordon Gekko's eyes... he truly believes every word he's saying. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And Sam doesn't make anything anymore and Sam doesn't grow anything anymore so Sam doesn't sell anything anymore. As he stands... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Our favorite Uncle Sam's desperate, Jake... and he just found a printing press in his basement. (BEAT) So you tell me -- where do we go from here? And with that, Gordon Gekko goes. BRETTON WOODS (RE GEKKO) It is sad isn't it? That he can't just take his ball and go home. (BEAT) That he has to piss on the whole game. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - MORNING Rushed, Jacob heads through the lobby of his building. Diego catches his stride. DIEGO (doing his best Howard COSELL) Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! And Jacob just keeps walking... 93. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - MORNING Jacob heads into the office to find Bretton sitting behind his desk. BRETTON WOODS They're not going to save it. They're just going to let it bloody die! And sure enough... on the tv... Fox Business runs footage of Lehman Brother's demise. On the screen, the chyron screams: $700 BILLION GOVERNMENT BAILOUT TO THE BANKS! ALEXIS GLICK (ON TV) And as another US banking institution collapses, Congress is working quickly on a bailout package that will distribute over three hundred billion dollars to other banks in trouble. Bretton turns off the tv and looks to Jacob with... BRETTON WOODS We're getting fucking killed. And Jacob looks up to his electronic ticker... MCC $18.53 -2.34, ACN $12.04 -1.35, ISS $7.03 -.65. JACOB It's capitulation. Bretton holds Jacob's look... fighting to keep his composure. Until... he simply stands and offers Jacob his desk back. BRETTON WOODS Then buy more. Jacob takes his chair and reaches for the phone. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Cost us down to current levels. Jacob looks up, surprised. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) It's just a question of time before this turns around... right? And he glares at Jacob. JACOB Right. Bretton just stares nervously at the electronic ticker... a frazzled gambler talking himself into his bet. BRETTON WOODS Fuck it. 94. As he goes... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Leverage is sexy. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on Sept 16th then travels down the trend line and stops. And as a circle is formed around the Sept 24th, we... CUT TO: INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT LCD reads 4:43 am. Jacob lays awake... staring at the ceiling. WINNIE (O.S.) I would hear him in the kitchen. Jacob turns to see she's awake. JACOB I'm sorry, you have an early train. I'm going to just go to the office now. She leans up. WINNIE He didn't want to keep my mother awake so he'd go into the kitchen and sit there. I could hear him because my room was right up the back stairs.

about

How many times the word 'about' appears in the text?

(CONT'D) Good job, Jacob... And as they head out into the Dubai heat... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.)(PRE-LAP) So he trust you now. EXT. BOWLING GREEN PARK - DAY The iconic charging bull of Wall Street. JACOB (V.O.) I think so. Travel the park to find... Jacob and Gordon stopping at the food vendors. GORDON GEKKO Well, I'm happy to help. (AND THEN) What about your end of the trade, Sport? JACOB Oh... I'm still working on it. (BEAT) I'll talk to her. I promise. GORDON GEKKO (TO VENDOR) Hot dog. (TO JACOB) What do you want? JACOB (TO VENDOR) I'll take a pretzel. As they get their food and walk... GORDON GEKKO So you're a hedge fund cowboy now? Shaking his head... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Goddamn hedge funds -- what a racket. Playing the world casino, betting other people's money with leverage. And it's completely legal and completely unregulated. (MORE) 71. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) The hustles they get away with make insider trading seem like a parking ticket. SLAM INTO THE FRONTIER FUND/TRADING PIT Rows and rows of computers in a large dark room.... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Nassim Tariq and his Frontier Fund. With their slews of MIT grads who become glorified millionaire robots pushing buttons... ... with casually dressed ASIANS and INDIANS in their 20s working the keyboards like zombies. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... slaves to top-secret propriety elegant algorithms that work until they don't. AND SLAM INTO ESSEX CAPITAL ADVISERS/CONFERENCE ROOM A stuffy conference room half-filled with bored MEN in their 40s watching a presentation... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or the baby cub funds like Sammy Rosen's Essex Advisers... filled with Goldman Sachs and Julian Robertson pedigree. Most of the men type on their blackberrys... one is actually asleep. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Men who are way too rich, lazy and tired to run money properly anymore. THEN SLAM INTO THE DANIELS ACTIVIST FUND/ALLAN DANIELS'S OFFICE A small cluttered office with papers strewn about... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or Allan Daniel's and his bully operation. ALLAN DANIELS, a small bull-dog of a man, paces back and forth... dictating in anger. His SECRETARY types down every word he's shouting. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... with his angry letters to company boards that are nothing but veiled threats in the name of activism. AND RIGHT BACK TO BOWLING GREEN PARK Where Gordon stops walking... 72. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) So you're inside... you have his trust... and now you want to know what's next. And Jacob's look over to Gekko confirms this. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Here's the thing about Bretton. He puts all of his money into his own fund which makes him stupid, egotistical, and most importantly... vulnerable. (BEAT) And he chases. He doesn't take losses well and he chases with leverage. He thinks he's a trader, he thinks he's an investor but he's not. He's a gambler. Regarding Jacob... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) That pretzel looks good. Jacob just shrugs. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Care to make a trade? JACOB Whatever. And they trade. The hotdog for the pretzel. GORDON GEKKO As for your end of our trade. (BEAT) Find a way for me to reunite with my daughter, Jake. Because we both know how she would react to the fact that you've been lying to her about bonding with your future father-in-law. Just standing there... holding that hot dog... JACOB Is that a threat? Looking Jacob dead on... GORDON GEKKO Absolutely. Jacob just shakes his head with a laugh... now realizing that Gekko talked him into this position for this exact leverage. JACOB You're priceless, Gordon. 73. With a smile... GORDON GEKKO Just be happy I'm on your team. (AND THEN) Get him into a bad position and watch him chase it. JACOB What bad position? GORDON GEKKO What have I been saying all along, Kid? JACOB Financials. GORDON GEKKO They're a death trap -- mark my words. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As Jacob takes in his new view... it's spectacular. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) But he won't fall for a brokerage or bank play this late in the game. Everyone knows they're poison. AND TIME LAPSE As the office grows furniture... a plasma on the wall... a computer on the desk... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Sell him on insurance. There's a case to be made for those stocks... ill- fated as they may be. ... books on the shelves... pictures on the walls... a couch and table... a paper shredder and waste baskets... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) But take your time... make him think you've been doing your due diligence. Find Jacob at his desk... working away at his computer... it's late at night. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Make it look like you're working your ass off to find him this genius trade... come in early, leave late and don't bring up the idea for at least a few weeks. And Jacob finally gets up from his desk... goes to the window... looking across midtown Manhattan... 74. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) And then Jacob... ... eyes pasted on a building made of glass and steel... a building he once called home... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... sell him hard... then watch him bite... then watch him chase... ... KZI Investments. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... then watch him come undone. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - DAY Holding his suitcase, Jacob emerges from the elevator and heads for a waiting town car. Jacob sees Diego... JACOB Bring it. Diego smiles... loves this new one... DIEGO What's the most dangerous question on Wall Street? JACOB Tell me. DIEGO "How are you?" And Jacob agrees whole-heartedly as he heads on his way. EXT. WASHINGTON DC - MORNING As the sun rises over our nation's capital. EXT. ROCK CREEK PARK - MORNING Winnie and Jacob jog the park through the humid July haze. It's very early. And Jacob stops jogging. Catches his breath. She keeps running. JACOB Why are you with me? She stops and turns back to him. WINNIE What? 75. JACOB You hate finance. You hate Wall Street. Why are you with me? Winnie nods. It's a valid question. And she thinks about it for a moment, then... WINNIE Repetition compulsion. JACOB Huh? WINNIE It's Freud. JACOB And what does it mean, psych major? WINNIE Well, it's when people repeat the same dysfunctional relationships from childhood in their adult life in hopes of trying to master them. JACOB Like when children of alcoholics fall in love with alcoholics. WINNIE Yeah. He turns away... upset. JACOB That's great, Winnie. WINNIE Jacob, that might be why I was initially attracted to you... but it's not why I love you. She moves to him. WINNIE (CONT'D) I love you because you're compassionate and you care so deeply about what you do and you have like no ego, it's crazy. She reaches to him... turning his face to meet hers. WINNIE (CONT'D) And you're the smartest person I've ever met... and there's nobody I trust more in the world. Jacob looks away... almost ashamed. And Winnie can sense something's not right. 76. WINNIE (CONT'D) What's wrong? JACOB Nothing... As Jacob draws in a deep breath, collects himself and finally turns back to her with... JACOB (CONT'D) I just wish you would master that relationship from childhood so you can move forward with this one. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on July 20th then travels down the trend and stops. And as a circle is formed around August 11th, we... CUT TO: EXT. WESTSIDE HIGHWAY- DAY And Manhattan... as it sweats through the heart of summer. Two jetvans ride uptown... INT. JETVAN - DAY As Jacob rides with Bretton... JACOB Bretton... I found something I like. Bretton looks over to him. BRETTON WOODS I've been wondering when my new portfolio manager was going to come to me with something special. JACOB I just wanted to make sure I would be bringing you the smartest idea possible. I know you don't go light. Confirming... BRETTON WOODS That's right. If I commit to this... we go large and we don't back down. JACOB It might be better to do this in the office. I have color and support to PRESENT-- Waving him off... 77. BRETTON WOODS C'mon Jacob, you know that's not how we do. EXT. ADIRONDACK FOREST PRESERVE - DAY 2.7 million acres of State protected majestic land. All nature... rivers and lakes... cypresses and maples. Clean air. And trails. Many trails that go on for miles. As the two Becker jetvans arrive at a restricted area, a STATE RANGER opens the gate and allows them to drive through then park. Jacob and Bretton emerge from the jetvan. BRETTON WOODS This is how we do. And with a nod, the DRIVER of the other jetvan opens it to reveal two motorcycles inside. Bretton's MTT Turbine Superbike and an Agusta, these bikes are handcrafted works of art as much as they are demons of speed. Jacob laughs in disbelief and excitement. JACOB And we're allowed to ride these through here? Sucking in the fresh summer air... BRETTON WOODS No. AND JACOB AND BRETTON Now decked out in leather riding gear... on the bikes... at the mouth of the trail... revving the engines... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Follow me... And with that, shoots into the forest. Jacob quickly follows. AND THEY RIDE Winding through the trees... along the side of a river... Bretton riding extremely fast with Jacob trying to keep up. Bretton reaches a clearing and waits for Jacob to catch up. Once he does... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) You're going to have to keep up. JACOB Okay. I'm just getting used to it. 78. BRETTON WOODS Tell me your idea. JACOB Here? BRETTON WOODS Where else? JACOB Right. Okay. (COLLECTING HIMSELF) Are you still short any of the financials? BRETTON WOODS No. After KZI, I took profits. JACOB I think it's time to go the other way. BRETTON WOODS Banks? JACOB Insurance companies. I'm talking the old school insurers that have become the babies thrown out with the bath water. Jacob waits for a reaction from Bretton. But all he gets is... BRETTON WOODS Keep up! And with that, Bretton rips into the clearing. Jacob rides just as fast. They're neck and neck... it's definitely a race. Bretton pulls ahead but Jacob doesn't give up. As they move quickly toward a patch of forest with a only narrow trail entering it, Jacob focuses on the horizon and revs the bike into more speed. He pulls up next to Bretton as they approach the trail. If Jacob doesn't slow down, and fall in line behind Bretton, he's going to hit the trees. But he doesn't. Instead, Jacob blasts the bike into its final dose of speed, narrowly avoiding impact by zipping into the trail... pulling ahead of Bretton and taking the lead. A TRANQUIL LAKE As it sits still in the setting sun. Untouched by man. Bretton and Jacob get off the bikes and walk to the shore. As they catch their breaths and enjoy the beauty... 79. JACOB The basket of stocks I'm putting together focuses on reinsurance brokering and management services for businesses. They're trading below book and have large dividends. (BEAT) I say we buy them here. Bretton thinks about it. He's not sure. BRETTON WOODS Financials are a falling knife. Jacob nods... JACOB I'm not arguing that... but the best opportunities are found where angels fear to tread. Jacob can see... he has Bretton on the hook. JACOB (CONT'D) So yeah -- they are falling knives. But Bretton... And with confidence... driving it home... JACOB (CONT'D) ... what's life without a little blood on your hands? INT. JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As WORKERS install an electronic ticker that wraps around the top circumference of the whole office... similar to the one Andrew Zabel had. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) Okay. Then I want you to build positions in your favorite three names. Jacob picks up the phone and... THE SCREEN SPLITS IN TWO With Jacob on top and Robby on the bottom. As Robby takes the order and starts typing into his Bloomberg... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I want you stealth. Use all six trading desks we're in business with. NOW ROBBY'S HALF OF THE SCREEN SPLITS INTO 6 SMALL BOXES 80. Six different trading desks... six different BROKERS taking calls from Jacob who still owns the whole top half of the screen. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) And if they go down... we increase our size. AND BACK TO JACOB Leaning back... feet on desk... staring at the ticker... which only has three stocks on it... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) See Jacob -- I don't believe in "wrong." MCC at $21.65, ACN at $16.24 and ISS at $7.23. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I only believe in "not right yet." EXT. UPPER WEST SIDE - NIGHT A rainstorm takes over the city. A cab pulls out front of Shun Lee Cafe. INT. TAXI - NIGHT Winnie sucks in a deep breath. WINNIE He chose this restaurant. Jacob confirms. WINNIE (CONT'D) We used to come here every Sunday night. He takes her hand. JACOB You're going to be fine. WINNIE I'm only doing this for you. JACOB No. You're doing this for you. She just glares at him. WINNIE We're never having sex again. JACOB Then what my friends say about marriage will be true. 81. And she nervously fights back a smile... WINNIE Oh, shut up. INT. SHUN LEE CAFE - NIGHT The HOST leads Winnie and Jacob through the grand dining room. Gordon sees them and stands up. We can tell he's anxious as well. GORDON GEKKO Hi. Fighting back the nerves... WINNIE Hey. They just stand there. Jacob holds out his hand. JACOB Mr. Gekko, I'm Jacob Moore, we spoke on the phone. Nice to finally meet in person. Gekko just looks at him for an extra long beat, then... shakes his hand. GORDON GEKKO Yes. They all sit. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Jacob, shall we get some wine? JACOB I don't drink. GORDON GEKKO Oh... okay. Then Gordon attempts a smile over to his daughter. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Let me guess... the ginger garlic lobster. WINNIE (TO JACOB) I used to order that every time. She closes her menu. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm not really hungry. 82. GORDON GEKKO I've been following your career, Winnie. Senator Lehigh said some very nice things about you in The American Prospect interview. WINNIE Yeah. She's really been... very... supportive of my... And it trails off... as she just glares at Gordon. WINNIE (CONT'D) I can't do this. She exhales, stands and looks down to Jacob. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm sorry. I can't do this. And she quickly walks off. Jacob frozen. Until Gordon looks over to him with... GORDON GEKKO It's okay. This is a long term investment. (BEAT) Go after her. She needs you. And Jacob does. As Gordon looks down... disappointed. INT. WEST 65TH - NIGHT Pouring rain. Jacob runs after her. JACOB Winnie... Winnie... He turns her around. WINNIE You don't understand. Her tears being washed away by the rain. WINNIE (CONT'D) My mother couldn't handle Rudy. He was so out of control. I couldn't help him. Jacob takes her into his hold... WINNIE (CONT'D) (RE GEKKO) If he wasn't in prison... if he had been there. I know it would've been different. JACOB Your brother's dead, Winnie. 83. Squeezing her tight... JACOB (CONT'D) Your father isn't. WINNIE He's not the person people think he is. JACOB It was a long time ago. She pulls out of his embrace... WINNIE He'll hurt us. Can't we just go home? Please... Jacob. It's raining. And he just looks at her for a long moment... soaking wet and shivering... crying and exposed. JACOB (what am I doing?) I love you. You don't have to do this. (AND THEN) Let's just go home. INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Darkness. The phone rings. Jacob answers it. JACOB Yes. INTERCUT WITH... BRETTON WOODS Your insurance companies are down. He's working a coffee in the master suite of The Black Swan Home... JACOB Bretton. BRETTON WOODS I want to increase our size. Glancing at the LCD, 12:23am... JACOB Okay. Good. It's just a matter of time before they turn. I'll call the DESKS TOMORROW-- BRETTON WOODS Jacob, I want you to triple our positions on all three. 84. Jacob takes a beat. JACOB Okay. BRETTON WOODS And they better fucking go up. Click. And as Jacob just looks at the phone... GORDON GEKKO (PRELAP) The instant you know you're in trouble is the exact moment when a sound investment thesis turns into blind hope. INT. NORMA'S - MORNING Jacob sits across from Gordon at this well-known breakfast spot in the Parker Meridian hotel. GORDON GEKKO Tripling the size... that's a very aggressive move. Jacob nods. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And I promise you he's using leverage to do this. JACOB He's chasing. Suddenly, a MAN approaches the table. He's in his thirties. TOM Mr Gekko, I'm Tom Sanders. I write for Barrons. GORDON GEKKO I've heard of it. Letting out a little laugh... TOM I'm sure you have. (BEAT) Well, I'm doing a piece of Wall Street moguls who ended up going to prison. I've already talked to Boesky and Milken and would love to sit down with you. GORDON GEKKO Can you give me the cover? Tom isn't sure if Gordon's serious. Either is Jacob. 85. TOM Well, I... um... don't make those decisions. GORDON GEKKO Get me the cover and I'll give you seventy minutes. Tom politely smiles. TOM I'll... take that as a no. ... and goes. Gordon looks down to his breakfast and quietly asserts... GORDON GEKKO (almost to himself) Both those assholes got the cover when they were convicted. And after a moment... JACOB How do we know the insurance companies are going to continue going down? As he casually places his egg on a piece of toast... GORDON GEKKO It's all going down. ... and takes a bite. AND THREE CHARTS NOW FILL THE SCREEN Side by side... above the charts are written respectively MCC, ACN and ISS. And we follow all the three trend lines from Aug 17th forward to the right... and they all move down. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Just wait. And we stop in September. And as a blue circle is formed over Sept 13th on all three charts, we... CUT TO: TIME WARNER CENTER/BALLROOM This is The Financial Follies... an annual event held by the financial writers association. 500 people sit at tables, enjoying this dinner and live show that pokes fun at people in the world of finance. Everyone who's anyone in high finance is here. 86. On the stage, the spotlight finds BILL MAHER and the applause breaks out... BILL MAHER Welcome to the 2008 Financial Follies! (APPLAUDS) I'm Bill Maher and I'm getting paid in Euros. Jacob shares a table with Bretton, Bretton's wife and a few other FINANCIAL PLAYERS. Winnie is not here. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) When The Financial Writers Association asked me to host an event for the world of finance, I was shocked. I'm known in Washington not Wall Street... (BEAT) ... but then they informed me that Washington is actually in the process of buying Wall Street, so it all makes sense. Laughter... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I asked them if anything's off limits. And they said to stay away from the brokerages, banks and insurers... (pause for effect, then...) ... where the fuck was that advice five months ago? More laughter. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I see Sammy Rosen's here. The spotlight finds SAMMY ROSEN, billionaire hedge funder. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Sammy, how are you? From his table... SAMMY ROSEN Doing well. BILL MAHER (to the room) Of course he is... in the amount of time it took for us to have that exchange, he made three hundred and nine thousand dollars. (back to Sammy) Sammy, let me give you some free advice, the next time someone with bad eyesight wants to sell you a hundred and fifty million dollar painting... don't let them personally deliver it. 87. It's an inside joke that this room gets... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Somebody told me Gordon Gekko is here. Gordon... ? Across the room, a spotlight finds Gordon... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) There you are. I have some inside information for you, Gekko... sex sells books, not bread lines. Gordon smiles and raises his glass up to Bill. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Talk about your sour grapes. Seriously Gordon -- just because the SEC doesn't let you make obscene amounts of money by being wrong and nefarious doesn't mean you have to ruin it for all of these hard working people. The room applauds... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Okay, we have a video to show now. It's a very detailed and academic account of the current mortgage crises. Let `er rip! And the room goes dark... and on the screen plays a childlike roughly illustrated stick-figure skit being narrated by children. FIRST FRAME Under the caption "Main Street National Bank" is a drawing of a Poor Man sitting across from a Banker Man behind his desk. POOR MAN I'd like a mortgage... I don't really have any money though... is that cool? BANKER MAN Totally cool. Since housing prices are always going up it won't be a problem. POOR MAN You guys are awesome! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "A few weeks later at the bank..." Banker Man now stands over a pile of steaming shit. 88. BANKER MAN Wow, these mortgages are really beginning to smell. I better sell them to smart people. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Smart People Investment Bank" Smart Man stands over the same steaming pile of shit. SMART MAN Wow, these mortgages we just bought really smell. I better sell them to foreigners. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "The CDO Factory" our smart man oversees an assembly line of stick figure workers. SMART MAN (CONT'D) Mix those crappy mortgages in real good with the clean ones so the rating agencies won't smell them. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Rich Man Hedge Fund" a stick figure named Rich Man sits behind his desk and holds a phone to his ear. RICH MAN Good news, Smart Man, not only did foreigners buy those traunches, but so did school boards and charities and big pensions. (BEAT) Why did they buy them you ask? Well, they were looking for a really secure risk-free investment and they were all triple A, so... NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Norwegian Village Pension Fund" a Norwegian Man sits behind his desk and shouts into his phone. NORWEGIAN MAN Hey man! What the fuck? We're not receiving our monthly payments! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Rich Man Hedge Fund," Rich Man at his desk on the phone. RICH MAN Yeah, we fucked up. 89. And it now shuffles between the last two frames... the Norwegian Man and Rich Man. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the rating agencies? RICH MAN Yeah, they fucked up too. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the investment bank that put these CDO's together? RICH MAN Fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the bank that made the original loan? RICH MAN Totally fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What am I supposed to tell my villagers? RICH MAN That you fucked up. The final frame Just the rendering of that steaming pile of shit under the caption... "The End." And the lights go on to a some subdued laughter and a smattering of applause. BILL MAHER What a year -- enjoy the night! INT. FINANCIAL FOLLIES - LATER Desert is served. Jackets are off, cigars are lit, Bretton's wife has gone home. The group at the table is a little drunk and having a good time. BRETTON WOODS It's a good question... what do you think, George? GEORGE, an investment banker at the table, thinks about it. GEORGE The definition of rich... flying private. The table reacts... some agree, other don't. George turns to Jacob. 90. GEORGE (CONT'D) Jacob... ? What do you think? JACOB To be rich... is to have the love of a good woman. They all boo... JACOB (CONT'D) (with a smile) For real... I truly believe that. And Jacob turns to Bretton... JACOB (CONT'D) Bretton... what's your definition of rich? An approaching voice answers it for him. VOICE (O.S.) To have twice as much money as you currently do. As he takes a seat... GORDON GEKKO Isn't that what you always say, Bretton? Then... announcing to the table... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) He brings up the question, runs it round the table then finishes with that. It's an old bit. Also announcing to the table... BRETTON WOODS Be careful Gordon... (looking at Jacob) ... your daughter's financial health is in my hands now. Jacob loses his smile... suddenly becoming uncomfortable. GORDON GEKKO That's right. (BEAT) And the way The Locust Fund has been buying up the insurance companies lately makes me worried about my future grandchildren's college educations. JACOB (TO BRETTON) I didn't tell him. 91. BRETTON WOODS No, I don't suppose you did. Bretton looks over to Jacob. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Go ahead, Jacob, preach your book... defend your names. And Jacob turns to Gordon... JACOB We have a proactive central bank, the charts show a clear bottom on July 15th and these companies are trading at half of what they were six months ago. GORDON GEKKO Just cause it's low don't make it cheap, Sport. JACOB I read your book. GORDON GEKKO It's not out yet. JACOB I have a friend in publishing. (BEAT) 25% unemployment... stagflation... bread lines... Martial law... government seizures of assets and gold... end of democracy... Bretton leans back... taking in this sparring match. JACOB (CONT'D) Really Gordon? Do you really need attention that badly? GORDON GEKKO Since I have forty-four seconds to spare, I'm going to tell you a story. It's about a guy named Sam. And we go close on Gekko... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Sam used to work a job, he made things and he grew things and he sold those things. Until one day Sam got a credit card and was amazed how easy it was to buy things with it. So Sam got another card and then another. Then he used the credit card money to make it look like he had an income... and he used that "income" to secure a loan. (MORE) 92. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And with that loan Sam bought a fancy BMW car and rented a fancy penthouse apartment. (BEAT) Now, the credit cards hit their limit and the bank needed him to service that loan, so Sam went to his friends. His Chinese friend... and his Japanese friend... and his British friend and so on. And his friends loaned Sam money. (ANOTHER BEAT) And that brings us to today... where Sam owes the credit cards and Sam owes the banks and Sam owes his friends and eventually they're going to take away Sam's fancy BMW car and his fancy penthouse apartment. And Jacob can now see... in Gordon Gekko's eyes... he truly believes every word he's saying. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And Sam doesn't make anything anymore and Sam doesn't grow anything anymore so Sam doesn't sell anything anymore. As he stands... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Our favorite Uncle Sam's desperate, Jake... and he just found a printing press in his basement. (BEAT) So you tell me -- where do we go from here? And with that, Gordon Gekko goes. BRETTON WOODS (RE GEKKO) It is sad isn't it? That he can't just take his ball and go home. (BEAT) That he has to piss on the whole game. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - MORNING Rushed, Jacob heads through the lobby of his building. Diego catches his stride. DIEGO (doing his best Howard COSELL) Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! And Jacob just keeps walking... 93. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - MORNING Jacob heads into the office to find Bretton sitting behind his desk. BRETTON WOODS They're not going to save it. They're just going to let it bloody die! And sure enough... on the tv... Fox Business runs footage of Lehman Brother's demise. On the screen, the chyron screams: $700 BILLION GOVERNMENT BAILOUT TO THE BANKS! ALEXIS GLICK (ON TV) And as another US banking institution collapses, Congress is working quickly on a bailout package that will distribute over three hundred billion dollars to other banks in trouble. Bretton turns off the tv and looks to Jacob with... BRETTON WOODS We're getting fucking killed. And Jacob looks up to his electronic ticker... MCC $18.53 -2.34, ACN $12.04 -1.35, ISS $7.03 -.65. JACOB It's capitulation. Bretton holds Jacob's look... fighting to keep his composure. Until... he simply stands and offers Jacob his desk back. BRETTON WOODS Then buy more. Jacob takes his chair and reaches for the phone. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Cost us down to current levels. Jacob looks up, surprised. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) It's just a question of time before this turns around... right? And he glares at Jacob. JACOB Right. Bretton just stares nervously at the electronic ticker... a frazzled gambler talking himself into his bet. BRETTON WOODS Fuck it. 94. As he goes... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Leverage is sexy. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on Sept 16th then travels down the trend line and stops. And as a circle is formed around the Sept 24th, we... CUT TO: INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT LCD reads 4:43 am. Jacob lays awake... staring at the ceiling. WINNIE (O.S.) I would hear him in the kitchen. Jacob turns to see she's awake. JACOB I'm sorry, you have an early train. I'm going to just go to the office now. She leans up. WINNIE He didn't want to keep my mother awake so he'd go into the kitchen and sit there. I could hear him because my room was right up the back stairs.

away

How many times the word 'away' appears in the text?

(CONT'D) Good job, Jacob... And as they head out into the Dubai heat... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.)(PRE-LAP) So he trust you now. EXT. BOWLING GREEN PARK - DAY The iconic charging bull of Wall Street. JACOB (V.O.) I think so. Travel the park to find... Jacob and Gordon stopping at the food vendors. GORDON GEKKO Well, I'm happy to help. (AND THEN) What about your end of the trade, Sport? JACOB Oh... I'm still working on it. (BEAT) I'll talk to her. I promise. GORDON GEKKO (TO VENDOR) Hot dog. (TO JACOB) What do you want? JACOB (TO VENDOR) I'll take a pretzel. As they get their food and walk... GORDON GEKKO So you're a hedge fund cowboy now? Shaking his head... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Goddamn hedge funds -- what a racket. Playing the world casino, betting other people's money with leverage. And it's completely legal and completely unregulated. (MORE) 71. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) The hustles they get away with make insider trading seem like a parking ticket. SLAM INTO THE FRONTIER FUND/TRADING PIT Rows and rows of computers in a large dark room.... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Nassim Tariq and his Frontier Fund. With their slews of MIT grads who become glorified millionaire robots pushing buttons... ... with casually dressed ASIANS and INDIANS in their 20s working the keyboards like zombies. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... slaves to top-secret propriety elegant algorithms that work until they don't. AND SLAM INTO ESSEX CAPITAL ADVISERS/CONFERENCE ROOM A stuffy conference room half-filled with bored MEN in their 40s watching a presentation... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or the baby cub funds like Sammy Rosen's Essex Advisers... filled with Goldman Sachs and Julian Robertson pedigree. Most of the men type on their blackberrys... one is actually asleep. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Men who are way too rich, lazy and tired to run money properly anymore. THEN SLAM INTO THE DANIELS ACTIVIST FUND/ALLAN DANIELS'S OFFICE A small cluttered office with papers strewn about... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or Allan Daniel's and his bully operation. ALLAN DANIELS, a small bull-dog of a man, paces back and forth... dictating in anger. His SECRETARY types down every word he's shouting. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... with his angry letters to company boards that are nothing but veiled threats in the name of activism. AND RIGHT BACK TO BOWLING GREEN PARK Where Gordon stops walking... 72. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) So you're inside... you have his trust... and now you want to know what's next. And Jacob's look over to Gekko confirms this. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Here's the thing about Bretton. He puts all of his money into his own fund which makes him stupid, egotistical, and most importantly... vulnerable. (BEAT) And he chases. He doesn't take losses well and he chases with leverage. He thinks he's a trader, he thinks he's an investor but he's not. He's a gambler. Regarding Jacob... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) That pretzel looks good. Jacob just shrugs. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Care to make a trade? JACOB Whatever. And they trade. The hotdog for the pretzel. GORDON GEKKO As for your end of our trade. (BEAT) Find a way for me to reunite with my daughter, Jake. Because we both know how she would react to the fact that you've been lying to her about bonding with your future father-in-law. Just standing there... holding that hot dog... JACOB Is that a threat? Looking Jacob dead on... GORDON GEKKO Absolutely. Jacob just shakes his head with a laugh... now realizing that Gekko talked him into this position for this exact leverage. JACOB You're priceless, Gordon. 73. With a smile... GORDON GEKKO Just be happy I'm on your team. (AND THEN) Get him into a bad position and watch him chase it. JACOB What bad position? GORDON GEKKO What have I been saying all along, Kid? JACOB Financials. GORDON GEKKO They're a death trap -- mark my words. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As Jacob takes in his new view... it's spectacular. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) But he won't fall for a brokerage or bank play this late in the game. Everyone knows they're poison. AND TIME LAPSE As the office grows furniture... a plasma on the wall... a computer on the desk... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Sell him on insurance. There's a case to be made for those stocks... ill- fated as they may be. ... books on the shelves... pictures on the walls... a couch and table... a paper shredder and waste baskets... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) But take your time... make him think you've been doing your due diligence. Find Jacob at his desk... working away at his computer... it's late at night. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Make it look like you're working your ass off to find him this genius trade... come in early, leave late and don't bring up the idea for at least a few weeks. And Jacob finally gets up from his desk... goes to the window... looking across midtown Manhattan... 74. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) And then Jacob... ... eyes pasted on a building made of glass and steel... a building he once called home... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... sell him hard... then watch him bite... then watch him chase... ... KZI Investments. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... then watch him come undone. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - DAY Holding his suitcase, Jacob emerges from the elevator and heads for a waiting town car. Jacob sees Diego... JACOB Bring it. Diego smiles... loves this new one... DIEGO What's the most dangerous question on Wall Street? JACOB Tell me. DIEGO "How are you?" And Jacob agrees whole-heartedly as he heads on his way. EXT. WASHINGTON DC - MORNING As the sun rises over our nation's capital. EXT. ROCK CREEK PARK - MORNING Winnie and Jacob jog the park through the humid July haze. It's very early. And Jacob stops jogging. Catches his breath. She keeps running. JACOB Why are you with me? She stops and turns back to him. WINNIE What? 75. JACOB You hate finance. You hate Wall Street. Why are you with me? Winnie nods. It's a valid question. And she thinks about it for a moment, then... WINNIE Repetition compulsion. JACOB Huh? WINNIE It's Freud. JACOB And what does it mean, psych major? WINNIE Well, it's when people repeat the same dysfunctional relationships from childhood in their adult life in hopes of trying to master them. JACOB Like when children of alcoholics fall in love with alcoholics. WINNIE Yeah. He turns away... upset. JACOB That's great, Winnie. WINNIE Jacob, that might be why I was initially attracted to you... but it's not why I love you. She moves to him. WINNIE (CONT'D) I love you because you're compassionate and you care so deeply about what you do and you have like no ego, it's crazy. She reaches to him... turning his face to meet hers. WINNIE (CONT'D) And you're the smartest person I've ever met... and there's nobody I trust more in the world. Jacob looks away... almost ashamed. And Winnie can sense something's not right. 76. WINNIE (CONT'D) What's wrong? JACOB Nothing... As Jacob draws in a deep breath, collects himself and finally turns back to her with... JACOB (CONT'D) I just wish you would master that relationship from childhood so you can move forward with this one. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on July 20th then travels down the trend and stops. And as a circle is formed around August 11th, we... CUT TO: EXT. WESTSIDE HIGHWAY- DAY And Manhattan... as it sweats through the heart of summer. Two jetvans ride uptown... INT. JETVAN - DAY As Jacob rides with Bretton... JACOB Bretton... I found something I like. Bretton looks over to him. BRETTON WOODS I've been wondering when my new portfolio manager was going to come to me with something special. JACOB I just wanted to make sure I would be bringing you the smartest idea possible. I know you don't go light. Confirming... BRETTON WOODS That's right. If I commit to this... we go large and we don't back down. JACOB It might be better to do this in the office. I have color and support to PRESENT-- Waving him off... 77. BRETTON WOODS C'mon Jacob, you know that's not how we do. EXT. ADIRONDACK FOREST PRESERVE - DAY 2.7 million acres of State protected majestic land. All nature... rivers and lakes... cypresses and maples. Clean air. And trails. Many trails that go on for miles. As the two Becker jetvans arrive at a restricted area, a STATE RANGER opens the gate and allows them to drive through then park. Jacob and Bretton emerge from the jetvan. BRETTON WOODS This is how we do. And with a nod, the DRIVER of the other jetvan opens it to reveal two motorcycles inside. Bretton's MTT Turbine Superbike and an Agusta, these bikes are handcrafted works of art as much as they are demons of speed. Jacob laughs in disbelief and excitement. JACOB And we're allowed to ride these through here? Sucking in the fresh summer air... BRETTON WOODS No. AND JACOB AND BRETTON Now decked out in leather riding gear... on the bikes... at the mouth of the trail... revving the engines... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Follow me... And with that, shoots into the forest. Jacob quickly follows. AND THEY RIDE Winding through the trees... along the side of a river... Bretton riding extremely fast with Jacob trying to keep up. Bretton reaches a clearing and waits for Jacob to catch up. Once he does... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) You're going to have to keep up. JACOB Okay. I'm just getting used to it. 78. BRETTON WOODS Tell me your idea. JACOB Here? BRETTON WOODS Where else? JACOB Right. Okay. (COLLECTING HIMSELF) Are you still short any of the financials? BRETTON WOODS No. After KZI, I took profits. JACOB I think it's time to go the other way. BRETTON WOODS Banks? JACOB Insurance companies. I'm talking the old school insurers that have become the babies thrown out with the bath water. Jacob waits for a reaction from Bretton. But all he gets is... BRETTON WOODS Keep up! And with that, Bretton rips into the clearing. Jacob rides just as fast. They're neck and neck... it's definitely a race. Bretton pulls ahead but Jacob doesn't give up. As they move quickly toward a patch of forest with a only narrow trail entering it, Jacob focuses on the horizon and revs the bike into more speed. He pulls up next to Bretton as they approach the trail. If Jacob doesn't slow down, and fall in line behind Bretton, he's going to hit the trees. But he doesn't. Instead, Jacob blasts the bike into its final dose of speed, narrowly avoiding impact by zipping into the trail... pulling ahead of Bretton and taking the lead. A TRANQUIL LAKE As it sits still in the setting sun. Untouched by man. Bretton and Jacob get off the bikes and walk to the shore. As they catch their breaths and enjoy the beauty... 79. JACOB The basket of stocks I'm putting together focuses on reinsurance brokering and management services for businesses. They're trading below book and have large dividends. (BEAT) I say we buy them here. Bretton thinks about it. He's not sure. BRETTON WOODS Financials are a falling knife. Jacob nods... JACOB I'm not arguing that... but the best opportunities are found where angels fear to tread. Jacob can see... he has Bretton on the hook. JACOB (CONT'D) So yeah -- they are falling knives. But Bretton... And with confidence... driving it home... JACOB (CONT'D) ... what's life without a little blood on your hands? INT. JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As WORKERS install an electronic ticker that wraps around the top circumference of the whole office... similar to the one Andrew Zabel had. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) Okay. Then I want you to build positions in your favorite three names. Jacob picks up the phone and... THE SCREEN SPLITS IN TWO With Jacob on top and Robby on the bottom. As Robby takes the order and starts typing into his Bloomberg... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I want you stealth. Use all six trading desks we're in business with. NOW ROBBY'S HALF OF THE SCREEN SPLITS INTO 6 SMALL BOXES 80. Six different trading desks... six different BROKERS taking calls from Jacob who still owns the whole top half of the screen. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) And if they go down... we increase our size. AND BACK TO JACOB Leaning back... feet on desk... staring at the ticker... which only has three stocks on it... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) See Jacob -- I don't believe in "wrong." MCC at $21.65, ACN at $16.24 and ISS at $7.23. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I only believe in "not right yet." EXT. UPPER WEST SIDE - NIGHT A rainstorm takes over the city. A cab pulls out front of Shun Lee Cafe. INT. TAXI - NIGHT Winnie sucks in a deep breath. WINNIE He chose this restaurant. Jacob confirms. WINNIE (CONT'D) We used to come here every Sunday night. He takes her hand. JACOB You're going to be fine. WINNIE I'm only doing this for you. JACOB No. You're doing this for you. She just glares at him. WINNIE We're never having sex again. JACOB Then what my friends say about marriage will be true. 81. And she nervously fights back a smile... WINNIE Oh, shut up. INT. SHUN LEE CAFE - NIGHT The HOST leads Winnie and Jacob through the grand dining room. Gordon sees them and stands up. We can tell he's anxious as well. GORDON GEKKO Hi. Fighting back the nerves... WINNIE Hey. They just stand there. Jacob holds out his hand. JACOB Mr. Gekko, I'm Jacob Moore, we spoke on the phone. Nice to finally meet in person. Gekko just looks at him for an extra long beat, then... shakes his hand. GORDON GEKKO Yes. They all sit. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Jacob, shall we get some wine? JACOB I don't drink. GORDON GEKKO Oh... okay. Then Gordon attempts a smile over to his daughter. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Let me guess... the ginger garlic lobster. WINNIE (TO JACOB) I used to order that every time. She closes her menu. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm not really hungry. 82. GORDON GEKKO I've been following your career, Winnie. Senator Lehigh said some very nice things about you in The American Prospect interview. WINNIE Yeah. She's really been... very... supportive of my... And it trails off... as she just glares at Gordon. WINNIE (CONT'D) I can't do this. She exhales, stands and looks down to Jacob. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm sorry. I can't do this. And she quickly walks off. Jacob frozen. Until Gordon looks over to him with... GORDON GEKKO It's okay. This is a long term investment. (BEAT) Go after her. She needs you. And Jacob does. As Gordon looks down... disappointed. INT. WEST 65TH - NIGHT Pouring rain. Jacob runs after her. JACOB Winnie... Winnie... He turns her around. WINNIE You don't understand. Her tears being washed away by the rain. WINNIE (CONT'D) My mother couldn't handle Rudy. He was so out of control. I couldn't help him. Jacob takes her into his hold... WINNIE (CONT'D) (RE GEKKO) If he wasn't in prison... if he had been there. I know it would've been different. JACOB Your brother's dead, Winnie. 83. Squeezing her tight... JACOB (CONT'D) Your father isn't. WINNIE He's not the person people think he is. JACOB It was a long time ago. She pulls out of his embrace... WINNIE He'll hurt us. Can't we just go home? Please... Jacob. It's raining. And he just looks at her for a long moment... soaking wet and shivering... crying and exposed. JACOB (what am I doing?) I love you. You don't have to do this. (AND THEN) Let's just go home. INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Darkness. The phone rings. Jacob answers it. JACOB Yes. INTERCUT WITH... BRETTON WOODS Your insurance companies are down. He's working a coffee in the master suite of The Black Swan Home... JACOB Bretton. BRETTON WOODS I want to increase our size. Glancing at the LCD, 12:23am... JACOB Okay. Good. It's just a matter of time before they turn. I'll call the DESKS TOMORROW-- BRETTON WOODS Jacob, I want you to triple our positions on all three. 84. Jacob takes a beat. JACOB Okay. BRETTON WOODS And they better fucking go up. Click. And as Jacob just looks at the phone... GORDON GEKKO (PRELAP) The instant you know you're in trouble is the exact moment when a sound investment thesis turns into blind hope. INT. NORMA'S - MORNING Jacob sits across from Gordon at this well-known breakfast spot in the Parker Meridian hotel. GORDON GEKKO Tripling the size... that's a very aggressive move. Jacob nods. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And I promise you he's using leverage to do this. JACOB He's chasing. Suddenly, a MAN approaches the table. He's in his thirties. TOM Mr Gekko, I'm Tom Sanders. I write for Barrons. GORDON GEKKO I've heard of it. Letting out a little laugh... TOM I'm sure you have. (BEAT) Well, I'm doing a piece of Wall Street moguls who ended up going to prison. I've already talked to Boesky and Milken and would love to sit down with you. GORDON GEKKO Can you give me the cover? Tom isn't sure if Gordon's serious. Either is Jacob. 85. TOM Well, I... um... don't make those decisions. GORDON GEKKO Get me the cover and I'll give you seventy minutes. Tom politely smiles. TOM I'll... take that as a no. ... and goes. Gordon looks down to his breakfast and quietly asserts... GORDON GEKKO (almost to himself) Both those assholes got the cover when they were convicted. And after a moment... JACOB How do we know the insurance companies are going to continue going down? As he casually places his egg on a piece of toast... GORDON GEKKO It's all going down. ... and takes a bite. AND THREE CHARTS NOW FILL THE SCREEN Side by side... above the charts are written respectively MCC, ACN and ISS. And we follow all the three trend lines from Aug 17th forward to the right... and they all move down. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Just wait. And we stop in September. And as a blue circle is formed over Sept 13th on all three charts, we... CUT TO: TIME WARNER CENTER/BALLROOM This is The Financial Follies... an annual event held by the financial writers association. 500 people sit at tables, enjoying this dinner and live show that pokes fun at people in the world of finance. Everyone who's anyone in high finance is here. 86. On the stage, the spotlight finds BILL MAHER and the applause breaks out... BILL MAHER Welcome to the 2008 Financial Follies! (APPLAUDS) I'm Bill Maher and I'm getting paid in Euros. Jacob shares a table with Bretton, Bretton's wife and a few other FINANCIAL PLAYERS. Winnie is not here. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) When The Financial Writers Association asked me to host an event for the world of finance, I was shocked. I'm known in Washington not Wall Street... (BEAT) ... but then they informed me that Washington is actually in the process of buying Wall Street, so it all makes sense. Laughter... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I asked them if anything's off limits. And they said to stay away from the brokerages, banks and insurers... (pause for effect, then...) ... where the fuck was that advice five months ago? More laughter. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I see Sammy Rosen's here. The spotlight finds SAMMY ROSEN, billionaire hedge funder. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Sammy, how are you? From his table... SAMMY ROSEN Doing well. BILL MAHER (to the room) Of course he is... in the amount of time it took for us to have that exchange, he made three hundred and nine thousand dollars. (back to Sammy) Sammy, let me give you some free advice, the next time someone with bad eyesight wants to sell you a hundred and fifty million dollar painting... don't let them personally deliver it. 87. It's an inside joke that this room gets... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Somebody told me Gordon Gekko is here. Gordon... ? Across the room, a spotlight finds Gordon... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) There you are. I have some inside information for you, Gekko... sex sells books, not bread lines. Gordon smiles and raises his glass up to Bill. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Talk about your sour grapes. Seriously Gordon -- just because the SEC doesn't let you make obscene amounts of money by being wrong and nefarious doesn't mean you have to ruin it for all of these hard working people. The room applauds... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Okay, we have a video to show now. It's a very detailed and academic account of the current mortgage crises. Let `er rip! And the room goes dark... and on the screen plays a childlike roughly illustrated stick-figure skit being narrated by children. FIRST FRAME Under the caption "Main Street National Bank" is a drawing of a Poor Man sitting across from a Banker Man behind his desk. POOR MAN I'd like a mortgage... I don't really have any money though... is that cool? BANKER MAN Totally cool. Since housing prices are always going up it won't be a problem. POOR MAN You guys are awesome! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "A few weeks later at the bank..." Banker Man now stands over a pile of steaming shit. 88. BANKER MAN Wow, these mortgages are really beginning to smell. I better sell them to smart people. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Smart People Investment Bank" Smart Man stands over the same steaming pile of shit. SMART MAN Wow, these mortgages we just bought really smell. I better sell them to foreigners. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "The CDO Factory" our smart man oversees an assembly line of stick figure workers. SMART MAN (CONT'D) Mix those crappy mortgages in real good with the clean ones so the rating agencies won't smell them. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Rich Man Hedge Fund" a stick figure named Rich Man sits behind his desk and holds a phone to his ear. RICH MAN Good news, Smart Man, not only did foreigners buy those traunches, but so did school boards and charities and big pensions. (BEAT) Why did they buy them you ask? Well, they were looking for a really secure risk-free investment and they were all triple A, so... NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Norwegian Village Pension Fund" a Norwegian Man sits behind his desk and shouts into his phone. NORWEGIAN MAN Hey man! What the fuck? We're not receiving our monthly payments! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Rich Man Hedge Fund," Rich Man at his desk on the phone. RICH MAN Yeah, we fucked up. 89. And it now shuffles between the last two frames... the Norwegian Man and Rich Man. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the rating agencies? RICH MAN Yeah, they fucked up too. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the investment bank that put these CDO's together? RICH MAN Fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the bank that made the original loan? RICH MAN Totally fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What am I supposed to tell my villagers? RICH MAN That you fucked up. The final frame Just the rendering of that steaming pile of shit under the caption... "The End." And the lights go on to a some subdued laughter and a smattering of applause. BILL MAHER What a year -- enjoy the night! INT. FINANCIAL FOLLIES - LATER Desert is served. Jackets are off, cigars are lit, Bretton's wife has gone home. The group at the table is a little drunk and having a good time. BRETTON WOODS It's a good question... what do you think, George? GEORGE, an investment banker at the table, thinks about it. GEORGE The definition of rich... flying private. The table reacts... some agree, other don't. George turns to Jacob. 90. GEORGE (CONT'D) Jacob... ? What do you think? JACOB To be rich... is to have the love of a good woman. They all boo... JACOB (CONT'D) (with a smile) For real... I truly believe that. And Jacob turns to Bretton... JACOB (CONT'D) Bretton... what's your definition of rich? An approaching voice answers it for him. VOICE (O.S.) To have twice as much money as you currently do. As he takes a seat... GORDON GEKKO Isn't that what you always say, Bretton? Then... announcing to the table... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) He brings up the question, runs it round the table then finishes with that. It's an old bit. Also announcing to the table... BRETTON WOODS Be careful Gordon... (looking at Jacob) ... your daughter's financial health is in my hands now. Jacob loses his smile... suddenly becoming uncomfortable. GORDON GEKKO That's right. (BEAT) And the way The Locust Fund has been buying up the insurance companies lately makes me worried about my future grandchildren's college educations. JACOB (TO BRETTON) I didn't tell him. 91. BRETTON WOODS No, I don't suppose you did. Bretton looks over to Jacob. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Go ahead, Jacob, preach your book... defend your names. And Jacob turns to Gordon... JACOB We have a proactive central bank, the charts show a clear bottom on July 15th and these companies are trading at half of what they were six months ago. GORDON GEKKO Just cause it's low don't make it cheap, Sport. JACOB I read your book. GORDON GEKKO It's not out yet. JACOB I have a friend in publishing. (BEAT) 25% unemployment... stagflation... bread lines... Martial law... government seizures of assets and gold... end of democracy... Bretton leans back... taking in this sparring match. JACOB (CONT'D) Really Gordon? Do you really need attention that badly? GORDON GEKKO Since I have forty-four seconds to spare, I'm going to tell you a story. It's about a guy named Sam. And we go close on Gekko... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Sam used to work a job, he made things and he grew things and he sold those things. Until one day Sam got a credit card and was amazed how easy it was to buy things with it. So Sam got another card and then another. Then he used the credit card money to make it look like he had an income... and he used that "income" to secure a loan. (MORE) 92. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And with that loan Sam bought a fancy BMW car and rented a fancy penthouse apartment. (BEAT) Now, the credit cards hit their limit and the bank needed him to service that loan, so Sam went to his friends. His Chinese friend... and his Japanese friend... and his British friend and so on. And his friends loaned Sam money. (ANOTHER BEAT) And that brings us to today... where Sam owes the credit cards and Sam owes the banks and Sam owes his friends and eventually they're going to take away Sam's fancy BMW car and his fancy penthouse apartment. And Jacob can now see... in Gordon Gekko's eyes... he truly believes every word he's saying. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And Sam doesn't make anything anymore and Sam doesn't grow anything anymore so Sam doesn't sell anything anymore. As he stands... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Our favorite Uncle Sam's desperate, Jake... and he just found a printing press in his basement. (BEAT) So you tell me -- where do we go from here? And with that, Gordon Gekko goes. BRETTON WOODS (RE GEKKO) It is sad isn't it? That he can't just take his ball and go home. (BEAT) That he has to piss on the whole game. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - MORNING Rushed, Jacob heads through the lobby of his building. Diego catches his stride. DIEGO (doing his best Howard COSELL) Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! And Jacob just keeps walking... 93. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - MORNING Jacob heads into the office to find Bretton sitting behind his desk. BRETTON WOODS They're not going to save it. They're just going to let it bloody die! And sure enough... on the tv... Fox Business runs footage of Lehman Brother's demise. On the screen, the chyron screams: $700 BILLION GOVERNMENT BAILOUT TO THE BANKS! ALEXIS GLICK (ON TV) And as another US banking institution collapses, Congress is working quickly on a bailout package that will distribute over three hundred billion dollars to other banks in trouble. Bretton turns off the tv and looks to Jacob with... BRETTON WOODS We're getting fucking killed. And Jacob looks up to his electronic ticker... MCC $18.53 -2.34, ACN $12.04 -1.35, ISS $7.03 -.65. JACOB It's capitulation. Bretton holds Jacob's look... fighting to keep his composure. Until... he simply stands and offers Jacob his desk back. BRETTON WOODS Then buy more. Jacob takes his chair and reaches for the phone. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Cost us down to current levels. Jacob looks up, surprised. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) It's just a question of time before this turns around... right? And he glares at Jacob. JACOB Right. Bretton just stares nervously at the electronic ticker... a frazzled gambler talking himself into his bet. BRETTON WOODS Fuck it. 94. As he goes... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Leverage is sexy. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on Sept 16th then travels down the trend line and stops. And as a circle is formed around the Sept 24th, we... CUT TO: INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT LCD reads 4:43 am. Jacob lays awake... staring at the ceiling. WINNIE (O.S.) I would hear him in the kitchen. Jacob turns to see she's awake. JACOB I'm sorry, you have an early train. I'm going to just go to the office now. She leans up. WINNIE He didn't want to keep my mother awake so he'd go into the kitchen and sit there. I could hear him because my room was right up the back stairs.

bullying

How many times the word 'bullying' appears in the text?

(CONT'D) Good job, Jacob... And as they head out into the Dubai heat... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.)(PRE-LAP) So he trust you now. EXT. BOWLING GREEN PARK - DAY The iconic charging bull of Wall Street. JACOB (V.O.) I think so. Travel the park to find... Jacob and Gordon stopping at the food vendors. GORDON GEKKO Well, I'm happy to help. (AND THEN) What about your end of the trade, Sport? JACOB Oh... I'm still working on it. (BEAT) I'll talk to her. I promise. GORDON GEKKO (TO VENDOR) Hot dog. (TO JACOB) What do you want? JACOB (TO VENDOR) I'll take a pretzel. As they get their food and walk... GORDON GEKKO So you're a hedge fund cowboy now? Shaking his head... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Goddamn hedge funds -- what a racket. Playing the world casino, betting other people's money with leverage. And it's completely legal and completely unregulated. (MORE) 71. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) The hustles they get away with make insider trading seem like a parking ticket. SLAM INTO THE FRONTIER FUND/TRADING PIT Rows and rows of computers in a large dark room.... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Nassim Tariq and his Frontier Fund. With their slews of MIT grads who become glorified millionaire robots pushing buttons... ... with casually dressed ASIANS and INDIANS in their 20s working the keyboards like zombies. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... slaves to top-secret propriety elegant algorithms that work until they don't. AND SLAM INTO ESSEX CAPITAL ADVISERS/CONFERENCE ROOM A stuffy conference room half-filled with bored MEN in their 40s watching a presentation... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or the baby cub funds like Sammy Rosen's Essex Advisers... filled with Goldman Sachs and Julian Robertson pedigree. Most of the men type on their blackberrys... one is actually asleep. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Men who are way too rich, lazy and tired to run money properly anymore. THEN SLAM INTO THE DANIELS ACTIVIST FUND/ALLAN DANIELS'S OFFICE A small cluttered office with papers strewn about... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or Allan Daniel's and his bully operation. ALLAN DANIELS, a small bull-dog of a man, paces back and forth... dictating in anger. His SECRETARY types down every word he's shouting. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... with his angry letters to company boards that are nothing but veiled threats in the name of activism. AND RIGHT BACK TO BOWLING GREEN PARK Where Gordon stops walking... 72. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) So you're inside... you have his trust... and now you want to know what's next. And Jacob's look over to Gekko confirms this. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Here's the thing about Bretton. He puts all of his money into his own fund which makes him stupid, egotistical, and most importantly... vulnerable. (BEAT) And he chases. He doesn't take losses well and he chases with leverage. He thinks he's a trader, he thinks he's an investor but he's not. He's a gambler. Regarding Jacob... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) That pretzel looks good. Jacob just shrugs. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Care to make a trade? JACOB Whatever. And they trade. The hotdog for the pretzel. GORDON GEKKO As for your end of our trade. (BEAT) Find a way for me to reunite with my daughter, Jake. Because we both know how she would react to the fact that you've been lying to her about bonding with your future father-in-law. Just standing there... holding that hot dog... JACOB Is that a threat? Looking Jacob dead on... GORDON GEKKO Absolutely. Jacob just shakes his head with a laugh... now realizing that Gekko talked him into this position for this exact leverage. JACOB You're priceless, Gordon. 73. With a smile... GORDON GEKKO Just be happy I'm on your team. (AND THEN) Get him into a bad position and watch him chase it. JACOB What bad position? GORDON GEKKO What have I been saying all along, Kid? JACOB Financials. GORDON GEKKO They're a death trap -- mark my words. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As Jacob takes in his new view... it's spectacular. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) But he won't fall for a brokerage or bank play this late in the game. Everyone knows they're poison. AND TIME LAPSE As the office grows furniture... a plasma on the wall... a computer on the desk... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Sell him on insurance. There's a case to be made for those stocks... ill- fated as they may be. ... books on the shelves... pictures on the walls... a couch and table... a paper shredder and waste baskets... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) But take your time... make him think you've been doing your due diligence. Find Jacob at his desk... working away at his computer... it's late at night. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Make it look like you're working your ass off to find him this genius trade... come in early, leave late and don't bring up the idea for at least a few weeks. And Jacob finally gets up from his desk... goes to the window... looking across midtown Manhattan... 74. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) And then Jacob... ... eyes pasted on a building made of glass and steel... a building he once called home... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... sell him hard... then watch him bite... then watch him chase... ... KZI Investments. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... then watch him come undone. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - DAY Holding his suitcase, Jacob emerges from the elevator and heads for a waiting town car. Jacob sees Diego... JACOB Bring it. Diego smiles... loves this new one... DIEGO What's the most dangerous question on Wall Street? JACOB Tell me. DIEGO "How are you?" And Jacob agrees whole-heartedly as he heads on his way. EXT. WASHINGTON DC - MORNING As the sun rises over our nation's capital. EXT. ROCK CREEK PARK - MORNING Winnie and Jacob jog the park through the humid July haze. It's very early. And Jacob stops jogging. Catches his breath. She keeps running. JACOB Why are you with me? She stops and turns back to him. WINNIE What? 75. JACOB You hate finance. You hate Wall Street. Why are you with me? Winnie nods. It's a valid question. And she thinks about it for a moment, then... WINNIE Repetition compulsion. JACOB Huh? WINNIE It's Freud. JACOB And what does it mean, psych major? WINNIE Well, it's when people repeat the same dysfunctional relationships from childhood in their adult life in hopes of trying to master them. JACOB Like when children of alcoholics fall in love with alcoholics. WINNIE Yeah. He turns away... upset. JACOB That's great, Winnie. WINNIE Jacob, that might be why I was initially attracted to you... but it's not why I love you. She moves to him. WINNIE (CONT'D) I love you because you're compassionate and you care so deeply about what you do and you have like no ego, it's crazy. She reaches to him... turning his face to meet hers. WINNIE (CONT'D) And you're the smartest person I've ever met... and there's nobody I trust more in the world. Jacob looks away... almost ashamed. And Winnie can sense something's not right. 76. WINNIE (CONT'D) What's wrong? JACOB Nothing... As Jacob draws in a deep breath, collects himself and finally turns back to her with... JACOB (CONT'D) I just wish you would master that relationship from childhood so you can move forward with this one. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on July 20th then travels down the trend and stops. And as a circle is formed around August 11th, we... CUT TO: EXT. WESTSIDE HIGHWAY- DAY And Manhattan... as it sweats through the heart of summer. Two jetvans ride uptown... INT. JETVAN - DAY As Jacob rides with Bretton... JACOB Bretton... I found something I like. Bretton looks over to him. BRETTON WOODS I've been wondering when my new portfolio manager was going to come to me with something special. JACOB I just wanted to make sure I would be bringing you the smartest idea possible. I know you don't go light. Confirming... BRETTON WOODS That's right. If I commit to this... we go large and we don't back down. JACOB It might be better to do this in the office. I have color and support to PRESENT-- Waving him off... 77. BRETTON WOODS C'mon Jacob, you know that's not how we do. EXT. ADIRONDACK FOREST PRESERVE - DAY 2.7 million acres of State protected majestic land. All nature... rivers and lakes... cypresses and maples. Clean air. And trails. Many trails that go on for miles. As the two Becker jetvans arrive at a restricted area, a STATE RANGER opens the gate and allows them to drive through then park. Jacob and Bretton emerge from the jetvan. BRETTON WOODS This is how we do. And with a nod, the DRIVER of the other jetvan opens it to reveal two motorcycles inside. Bretton's MTT Turbine Superbike and an Agusta, these bikes are handcrafted works of art as much as they are demons of speed. Jacob laughs in disbelief and excitement. JACOB And we're allowed to ride these through here? Sucking in the fresh summer air... BRETTON WOODS No. AND JACOB AND BRETTON Now decked out in leather riding gear... on the bikes... at the mouth of the trail... revving the engines... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Follow me... And with that, shoots into the forest. Jacob quickly follows. AND THEY RIDE Winding through the trees... along the side of a river... Bretton riding extremely fast with Jacob trying to keep up. Bretton reaches a clearing and waits for Jacob to catch up. Once he does... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) You're going to have to keep up. JACOB Okay. I'm just getting used to it. 78. BRETTON WOODS Tell me your idea. JACOB Here? BRETTON WOODS Where else? JACOB Right. Okay. (COLLECTING HIMSELF) Are you still short any of the financials? BRETTON WOODS No. After KZI, I took profits. JACOB I think it's time to go the other way. BRETTON WOODS Banks? JACOB Insurance companies. I'm talking the old school insurers that have become the babies thrown out with the bath water. Jacob waits for a reaction from Bretton. But all he gets is... BRETTON WOODS Keep up! And with that, Bretton rips into the clearing. Jacob rides just as fast. They're neck and neck... it's definitely a race. Bretton pulls ahead but Jacob doesn't give up. As they move quickly toward a patch of forest with a only narrow trail entering it, Jacob focuses on the horizon and revs the bike into more speed. He pulls up next to Bretton as they approach the trail. If Jacob doesn't slow down, and fall in line behind Bretton, he's going to hit the trees. But he doesn't. Instead, Jacob blasts the bike into its final dose of speed, narrowly avoiding impact by zipping into the trail... pulling ahead of Bretton and taking the lead. A TRANQUIL LAKE As it sits still in the setting sun. Untouched by man. Bretton and Jacob get off the bikes and walk to the shore. As they catch their breaths and enjoy the beauty... 79. JACOB The basket of stocks I'm putting together focuses on reinsurance brokering and management services for businesses. They're trading below book and have large dividends. (BEAT) I say we buy them here. Bretton thinks about it. He's not sure. BRETTON WOODS Financials are a falling knife. Jacob nods... JACOB I'm not arguing that... but the best opportunities are found where angels fear to tread. Jacob can see... he has Bretton on the hook. JACOB (CONT'D) So yeah -- they are falling knives. But Bretton... And with confidence... driving it home... JACOB (CONT'D) ... what's life without a little blood on your hands? INT. JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As WORKERS install an electronic ticker that wraps around the top circumference of the whole office... similar to the one Andrew Zabel had. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) Okay. Then I want you to build positions in your favorite three names. Jacob picks up the phone and... THE SCREEN SPLITS IN TWO With Jacob on top and Robby on the bottom. As Robby takes the order and starts typing into his Bloomberg... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I want you stealth. Use all six trading desks we're in business with. NOW ROBBY'S HALF OF THE SCREEN SPLITS INTO 6 SMALL BOXES 80. Six different trading desks... six different BROKERS taking calls from Jacob who still owns the whole top half of the screen. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) And if they go down... we increase our size. AND BACK TO JACOB Leaning back... feet on desk... staring at the ticker... which only has three stocks on it... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) See Jacob -- I don't believe in "wrong." MCC at $21.65, ACN at $16.24 and ISS at $7.23. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I only believe in "not right yet." EXT. UPPER WEST SIDE - NIGHT A rainstorm takes over the city. A cab pulls out front of Shun Lee Cafe. INT. TAXI - NIGHT Winnie sucks in a deep breath. WINNIE He chose this restaurant. Jacob confirms. WINNIE (CONT'D) We used to come here every Sunday night. He takes her hand. JACOB You're going to be fine. WINNIE I'm only doing this for you. JACOB No. You're doing this for you. She just glares at him. WINNIE We're never having sex again. JACOB Then what my friends say about marriage will be true. 81. And she nervously fights back a smile... WINNIE Oh, shut up. INT. SHUN LEE CAFE - NIGHT The HOST leads Winnie and Jacob through the grand dining room. Gordon sees them and stands up. We can tell he's anxious as well. GORDON GEKKO Hi. Fighting back the nerves... WINNIE Hey. They just stand there. Jacob holds out his hand. JACOB Mr. Gekko, I'm Jacob Moore, we spoke on the phone. Nice to finally meet in person. Gekko just looks at him for an extra long beat, then... shakes his hand. GORDON GEKKO Yes. They all sit. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Jacob, shall we get some wine? JACOB I don't drink. GORDON GEKKO Oh... okay. Then Gordon attempts a smile over to his daughter. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Let me guess... the ginger garlic lobster. WINNIE (TO JACOB) I used to order that every time. She closes her menu. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm not really hungry. 82. GORDON GEKKO I've been following your career, Winnie. Senator Lehigh said some very nice things about you in The American Prospect interview. WINNIE Yeah. She's really been... very... supportive of my... And it trails off... as she just glares at Gordon. WINNIE (CONT'D) I can't do this. She exhales, stands and looks down to Jacob. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm sorry. I can't do this. And she quickly walks off. Jacob frozen. Until Gordon looks over to him with... GORDON GEKKO It's okay. This is a long term investment. (BEAT) Go after her. She needs you. And Jacob does. As Gordon looks down... disappointed. INT. WEST 65TH - NIGHT Pouring rain. Jacob runs after her. JACOB Winnie... Winnie... He turns her around. WINNIE You don't understand. Her tears being washed away by the rain. WINNIE (CONT'D) My mother couldn't handle Rudy. He was so out of control. I couldn't help him. Jacob takes her into his hold... WINNIE (CONT'D) (RE GEKKO) If he wasn't in prison... if he had been there. I know it would've been different. JACOB Your brother's dead, Winnie. 83. Squeezing her tight... JACOB (CONT'D) Your father isn't. WINNIE He's not the person people think he is. JACOB It was a long time ago. She pulls out of his embrace... WINNIE He'll hurt us. Can't we just go home? Please... Jacob. It's raining. And he just looks at her for a long moment... soaking wet and shivering... crying and exposed. JACOB (what am I doing?) I love you. You don't have to do this. (AND THEN) Let's just go home. INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Darkness. The phone rings. Jacob answers it. JACOB Yes. INTERCUT WITH... BRETTON WOODS Your insurance companies are down. He's working a coffee in the master suite of The Black Swan Home... JACOB Bretton. BRETTON WOODS I want to increase our size. Glancing at the LCD, 12:23am... JACOB Okay. Good. It's just a matter of time before they turn. I'll call the DESKS TOMORROW-- BRETTON WOODS Jacob, I want you to triple our positions on all three. 84. Jacob takes a beat. JACOB Okay. BRETTON WOODS And they better fucking go up. Click. And as Jacob just looks at the phone... GORDON GEKKO (PRELAP) The instant you know you're in trouble is the exact moment when a sound investment thesis turns into blind hope. INT. NORMA'S - MORNING Jacob sits across from Gordon at this well-known breakfast spot in the Parker Meridian hotel. GORDON GEKKO Tripling the size... that's a very aggressive move. Jacob nods. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And I promise you he's using leverage to do this. JACOB He's chasing. Suddenly, a MAN approaches the table. He's in his thirties. TOM Mr Gekko, I'm Tom Sanders. I write for Barrons. GORDON GEKKO I've heard of it. Letting out a little laugh... TOM I'm sure you have. (BEAT) Well, I'm doing a piece of Wall Street moguls who ended up going to prison. I've already talked to Boesky and Milken and would love to sit down with you. GORDON GEKKO Can you give me the cover? Tom isn't sure if Gordon's serious. Either is Jacob. 85. TOM Well, I... um... don't make those decisions. GORDON GEKKO Get me the cover and I'll give you seventy minutes. Tom politely smiles. TOM I'll... take that as a no. ... and goes. Gordon looks down to his breakfast and quietly asserts... GORDON GEKKO (almost to himself) Both those assholes got the cover when they were convicted. And after a moment... JACOB How do we know the insurance companies are going to continue going down? As he casually places his egg on a piece of toast... GORDON GEKKO It's all going down. ... and takes a bite. AND THREE CHARTS NOW FILL THE SCREEN Side by side... above the charts are written respectively MCC, ACN and ISS. And we follow all the three trend lines from Aug 17th forward to the right... and they all move down. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Just wait. And we stop in September. And as a blue circle is formed over Sept 13th on all three charts, we... CUT TO: TIME WARNER CENTER/BALLROOM This is The Financial Follies... an annual event held by the financial writers association. 500 people sit at tables, enjoying this dinner and live show that pokes fun at people in the world of finance. Everyone who's anyone in high finance is here. 86. On the stage, the spotlight finds BILL MAHER and the applause breaks out... BILL MAHER Welcome to the 2008 Financial Follies! (APPLAUDS) I'm Bill Maher and I'm getting paid in Euros. Jacob shares a table with Bretton, Bretton's wife and a few other FINANCIAL PLAYERS. Winnie is not here. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) When The Financial Writers Association asked me to host an event for the world of finance, I was shocked. I'm known in Washington not Wall Street... (BEAT) ... but then they informed me that Washington is actually in the process of buying Wall Street, so it all makes sense. Laughter... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I asked them if anything's off limits. And they said to stay away from the brokerages, banks and insurers... (pause for effect, then...) ... where the fuck was that advice five months ago? More laughter. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I see Sammy Rosen's here. The spotlight finds SAMMY ROSEN, billionaire hedge funder. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Sammy, how are you? From his table... SAMMY ROSEN Doing well. BILL MAHER (to the room) Of course he is... in the amount of time it took for us to have that exchange, he made three hundred and nine thousand dollars. (back to Sammy) Sammy, let me give you some free advice, the next time someone with bad eyesight wants to sell you a hundred and fifty million dollar painting... don't let them personally deliver it. 87. It's an inside joke that this room gets... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Somebody told me Gordon Gekko is here. Gordon... ? Across the room, a spotlight finds Gordon... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) There you are. I have some inside information for you, Gekko... sex sells books, not bread lines. Gordon smiles and raises his glass up to Bill. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Talk about your sour grapes. Seriously Gordon -- just because the SEC doesn't let you make obscene amounts of money by being wrong and nefarious doesn't mean you have to ruin it for all of these hard working people. The room applauds... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Okay, we have a video to show now. It's a very detailed and academic account of the current mortgage crises. Let `er rip! And the room goes dark... and on the screen plays a childlike roughly illustrated stick-figure skit being narrated by children. FIRST FRAME Under the caption "Main Street National Bank" is a drawing of a Poor Man sitting across from a Banker Man behind his desk. POOR MAN I'd like a mortgage... I don't really have any money though... is that cool? BANKER MAN Totally cool. Since housing prices are always going up it won't be a problem. POOR MAN You guys are awesome! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "A few weeks later at the bank..." Banker Man now stands over a pile of steaming shit. 88. BANKER MAN Wow, these mortgages are really beginning to smell. I better sell them to smart people. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Smart People Investment Bank" Smart Man stands over the same steaming pile of shit. SMART MAN Wow, these mortgages we just bought really smell. I better sell them to foreigners. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "The CDO Factory" our smart man oversees an assembly line of stick figure workers. SMART MAN (CONT'D) Mix those crappy mortgages in real good with the clean ones so the rating agencies won't smell them. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Rich Man Hedge Fund" a stick figure named Rich Man sits behind his desk and holds a phone to his ear. RICH MAN Good news, Smart Man, not only did foreigners buy those traunches, but so did school boards and charities and big pensions. (BEAT) Why did they buy them you ask? Well, they were looking for a really secure risk-free investment and they were all triple A, so... NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Norwegian Village Pension Fund" a Norwegian Man sits behind his desk and shouts into his phone. NORWEGIAN MAN Hey man! What the fuck? We're not receiving our monthly payments! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Rich Man Hedge Fund," Rich Man at his desk on the phone. RICH MAN Yeah, we fucked up. 89. And it now shuffles between the last two frames... the Norwegian Man and Rich Man. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the rating agencies? RICH MAN Yeah, they fucked up too. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the investment bank that put these CDO's together? RICH MAN Fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the bank that made the original loan? RICH MAN Totally fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What am I supposed to tell my villagers? RICH MAN That you fucked up. The final frame Just the rendering of that steaming pile of shit under the caption... "The End." And the lights go on to a some subdued laughter and a smattering of applause. BILL MAHER What a year -- enjoy the night! INT. FINANCIAL FOLLIES - LATER Desert is served. Jackets are off, cigars are lit, Bretton's wife has gone home. The group at the table is a little drunk and having a good time. BRETTON WOODS It's a good question... what do you think, George? GEORGE, an investment banker at the table, thinks about it. GEORGE The definition of rich... flying private. The table reacts... some agree, other don't. George turns to Jacob. 90. GEORGE (CONT'D) Jacob... ? What do you think? JACOB To be rich... is to have the love of a good woman. They all boo... JACOB (CONT'D) (with a smile) For real... I truly believe that. And Jacob turns to Bretton... JACOB (CONT'D) Bretton... what's your definition of rich? An approaching voice answers it for him. VOICE (O.S.) To have twice as much money as you currently do. As he takes a seat... GORDON GEKKO Isn't that what you always say, Bretton? Then... announcing to the table... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) He brings up the question, runs it round the table then finishes with that. It's an old bit. Also announcing to the table... BRETTON WOODS Be careful Gordon... (looking at Jacob) ... your daughter's financial health is in my hands now. Jacob loses his smile... suddenly becoming uncomfortable. GORDON GEKKO That's right. (BEAT) And the way The Locust Fund has been buying up the insurance companies lately makes me worried about my future grandchildren's college educations. JACOB (TO BRETTON) I didn't tell him. 91. BRETTON WOODS No, I don't suppose you did. Bretton looks over to Jacob. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Go ahead, Jacob, preach your book... defend your names. And Jacob turns to Gordon... JACOB We have a proactive central bank, the charts show a clear bottom on July 15th and these companies are trading at half of what they were six months ago. GORDON GEKKO Just cause it's low don't make it cheap, Sport. JACOB I read your book. GORDON GEKKO It's not out yet. JACOB I have a friend in publishing. (BEAT) 25% unemployment... stagflation... bread lines... Martial law... government seizures of assets and gold... end of democracy... Bretton leans back... taking in this sparring match. JACOB (CONT'D) Really Gordon? Do you really need attention that badly? GORDON GEKKO Since I have forty-four seconds to spare, I'm going to tell you a story. It's about a guy named Sam. And we go close on Gekko... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Sam used to work a job, he made things and he grew things and he sold those things. Until one day Sam got a credit card and was amazed how easy it was to buy things with it. So Sam got another card and then another. Then he used the credit card money to make it look like he had an income... and he used that "income" to secure a loan. (MORE) 92. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And with that loan Sam bought a fancy BMW car and rented a fancy penthouse apartment. (BEAT) Now, the credit cards hit their limit and the bank needed him to service that loan, so Sam went to his friends. His Chinese friend... and his Japanese friend... and his British friend and so on. And his friends loaned Sam money. (ANOTHER BEAT) And that brings us to today... where Sam owes the credit cards and Sam owes the banks and Sam owes his friends and eventually they're going to take away Sam's fancy BMW car and his fancy penthouse apartment. And Jacob can now see... in Gordon Gekko's eyes... he truly believes every word he's saying. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And Sam doesn't make anything anymore and Sam doesn't grow anything anymore so Sam doesn't sell anything anymore. As he stands... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Our favorite Uncle Sam's desperate, Jake... and he just found a printing press in his basement. (BEAT) So you tell me -- where do we go from here? And with that, Gordon Gekko goes. BRETTON WOODS (RE GEKKO) It is sad isn't it? That he can't just take his ball and go home. (BEAT) That he has to piss on the whole game. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - MORNING Rushed, Jacob heads through the lobby of his building. Diego catches his stride. DIEGO (doing his best Howard COSELL) Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! And Jacob just keeps walking... 93. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - MORNING Jacob heads into the office to find Bretton sitting behind his desk. BRETTON WOODS They're not going to save it. They're just going to let it bloody die! And sure enough... on the tv... Fox Business runs footage of Lehman Brother's demise. On the screen, the chyron screams: $700 BILLION GOVERNMENT BAILOUT TO THE BANKS! ALEXIS GLICK (ON TV) And as another US banking institution collapses, Congress is working quickly on a bailout package that will distribute over three hundred billion dollars to other banks in trouble. Bretton turns off the tv and looks to Jacob with... BRETTON WOODS We're getting fucking killed. And Jacob looks up to his electronic ticker... MCC $18.53 -2.34, ACN $12.04 -1.35, ISS $7.03 -.65. JACOB It's capitulation. Bretton holds Jacob's look... fighting to keep his composure. Until... he simply stands and offers Jacob his desk back. BRETTON WOODS Then buy more. Jacob takes his chair and reaches for the phone. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Cost us down to current levels. Jacob looks up, surprised. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) It's just a question of time before this turns around... right? And he glares at Jacob. JACOB Right. Bretton just stares nervously at the electronic ticker... a frazzled gambler talking himself into his bet. BRETTON WOODS Fuck it. 94. As he goes... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Leverage is sexy. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on Sept 16th then travels down the trend line and stops. And as a circle is formed around the Sept 24th, we... CUT TO: INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT LCD reads 4:43 am. Jacob lays awake... staring at the ceiling. WINNIE (O.S.) I would hear him in the kitchen. Jacob turns to see she's awake. JACOB I'm sorry, you have an early train. I'm going to just go to the office now. She leans up. WINNIE He didn't want to keep my mother awake so he'd go into the kitchen and sit there. I could hear him because my room was right up the back stairs.

frontier

How many times the word 'frontier' appears in the text?

(CONT'D) Good job, Jacob... And as they head out into the Dubai heat... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.)(PRE-LAP) So he trust you now. EXT. BOWLING GREEN PARK - DAY The iconic charging bull of Wall Street. JACOB (V.O.) I think so. Travel the park to find... Jacob and Gordon stopping at the food vendors. GORDON GEKKO Well, I'm happy to help. (AND THEN) What about your end of the trade, Sport? JACOB Oh... I'm still working on it. (BEAT) I'll talk to her. I promise. GORDON GEKKO (TO VENDOR) Hot dog. (TO JACOB) What do you want? JACOB (TO VENDOR) I'll take a pretzel. As they get their food and walk... GORDON GEKKO So you're a hedge fund cowboy now? Shaking his head... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Goddamn hedge funds -- what a racket. Playing the world casino, betting other people's money with leverage. And it's completely legal and completely unregulated. (MORE) 71. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) The hustles they get away with make insider trading seem like a parking ticket. SLAM INTO THE FRONTIER FUND/TRADING PIT Rows and rows of computers in a large dark room.... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Nassim Tariq and his Frontier Fund. With their slews of MIT grads who become glorified millionaire robots pushing buttons... ... with casually dressed ASIANS and INDIANS in their 20s working the keyboards like zombies. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... slaves to top-secret propriety elegant algorithms that work until they don't. AND SLAM INTO ESSEX CAPITAL ADVISERS/CONFERENCE ROOM A stuffy conference room half-filled with bored MEN in their 40s watching a presentation... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or the baby cub funds like Sammy Rosen's Essex Advisers... filled with Goldman Sachs and Julian Robertson pedigree. Most of the men type on their blackberrys... one is actually asleep. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Men who are way too rich, lazy and tired to run money properly anymore. THEN SLAM INTO THE DANIELS ACTIVIST FUND/ALLAN DANIELS'S OFFICE A small cluttered office with papers strewn about... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or Allan Daniel's and his bully operation. ALLAN DANIELS, a small bull-dog of a man, paces back and forth... dictating in anger. His SECRETARY types down every word he's shouting. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... with his angry letters to company boards that are nothing but veiled threats in the name of activism. AND RIGHT BACK TO BOWLING GREEN PARK Where Gordon stops walking... 72. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) So you're inside... you have his trust... and now you want to know what's next. And Jacob's look over to Gekko confirms this. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Here's the thing about Bretton. He puts all of his money into his own fund which makes him stupid, egotistical, and most importantly... vulnerable. (BEAT) And he chases. He doesn't take losses well and he chases with leverage. He thinks he's a trader, he thinks he's an investor but he's not. He's a gambler. Regarding Jacob... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) That pretzel looks good. Jacob just shrugs. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Care to make a trade? JACOB Whatever. And they trade. The hotdog for the pretzel. GORDON GEKKO As for your end of our trade. (BEAT) Find a way for me to reunite with my daughter, Jake. Because we both know how she would react to the fact that you've been lying to her about bonding with your future father-in-law. Just standing there... holding that hot dog... JACOB Is that a threat? Looking Jacob dead on... GORDON GEKKO Absolutely. Jacob just shakes his head with a laugh... now realizing that Gekko talked him into this position for this exact leverage. JACOB You're priceless, Gordon. 73. With a smile... GORDON GEKKO Just be happy I'm on your team. (AND THEN) Get him into a bad position and watch him chase it. JACOB What bad position? GORDON GEKKO What have I been saying all along, Kid? JACOB Financials. GORDON GEKKO They're a death trap -- mark my words. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As Jacob takes in his new view... it's spectacular. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) But he won't fall for a brokerage or bank play this late in the game. Everyone knows they're poison. AND TIME LAPSE As the office grows furniture... a plasma on the wall... a computer on the desk... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Sell him on insurance. There's a case to be made for those stocks... ill- fated as they may be. ... books on the shelves... pictures on the walls... a couch and table... a paper shredder and waste baskets... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) But take your time... make him think you've been doing your due diligence. Find Jacob at his desk... working away at his computer... it's late at night. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Make it look like you're working your ass off to find him this genius trade... come in early, leave late and don't bring up the idea for at least a few weeks. And Jacob finally gets up from his desk... goes to the window... looking across midtown Manhattan... 74. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) And then Jacob... ... eyes pasted on a building made of glass and steel... a building he once called home... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... sell him hard... then watch him bite... then watch him chase... ... KZI Investments. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... then watch him come undone. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - DAY Holding his suitcase, Jacob emerges from the elevator and heads for a waiting town car. Jacob sees Diego... JACOB Bring it. Diego smiles... loves this new one... DIEGO What's the most dangerous question on Wall Street? JACOB Tell me. DIEGO "How are you?" And Jacob agrees whole-heartedly as he heads on his way. EXT. WASHINGTON DC - MORNING As the sun rises over our nation's capital. EXT. ROCK CREEK PARK - MORNING Winnie and Jacob jog the park through the humid July haze. It's very early. And Jacob stops jogging. Catches his breath. She keeps running. JACOB Why are you with me? She stops and turns back to him. WINNIE What? 75. JACOB You hate finance. You hate Wall Street. Why are you with me? Winnie nods. It's a valid question. And she thinks about it for a moment, then... WINNIE Repetition compulsion. JACOB Huh? WINNIE It's Freud. JACOB And what does it mean, psych major? WINNIE Well, it's when people repeat the same dysfunctional relationships from childhood in their adult life in hopes of trying to master them. JACOB Like when children of alcoholics fall in love with alcoholics. WINNIE Yeah. He turns away... upset. JACOB That's great, Winnie. WINNIE Jacob, that might be why I was initially attracted to you... but it's not why I love you. She moves to him. WINNIE (CONT'D) I love you because you're compassionate and you care so deeply about what you do and you have like no ego, it's crazy. She reaches to him... turning his face to meet hers. WINNIE (CONT'D) And you're the smartest person I've ever met... and there's nobody I trust more in the world. Jacob looks away... almost ashamed. And Winnie can sense something's not right. 76. WINNIE (CONT'D) What's wrong? JACOB Nothing... As Jacob draws in a deep breath, collects himself and finally turns back to her with... JACOB (CONT'D) I just wish you would master that relationship from childhood so you can move forward with this one. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on July 20th then travels down the trend and stops. And as a circle is formed around August 11th, we... CUT TO: EXT. WESTSIDE HIGHWAY- DAY And Manhattan... as it sweats through the heart of summer. Two jetvans ride uptown... INT. JETVAN - DAY As Jacob rides with Bretton... JACOB Bretton... I found something I like. Bretton looks over to him. BRETTON WOODS I've been wondering when my new portfolio manager was going to come to me with something special. JACOB I just wanted to make sure I would be bringing you the smartest idea possible. I know you don't go light. Confirming... BRETTON WOODS That's right. If I commit to this... we go large and we don't back down. JACOB It might be better to do this in the office. I have color and support to PRESENT-- Waving him off... 77. BRETTON WOODS C'mon Jacob, you know that's not how we do. EXT. ADIRONDACK FOREST PRESERVE - DAY 2.7 million acres of State protected majestic land. All nature... rivers and lakes... cypresses and maples. Clean air. And trails. Many trails that go on for miles. As the two Becker jetvans arrive at a restricted area, a STATE RANGER opens the gate and allows them to drive through then park. Jacob and Bretton emerge from the jetvan. BRETTON WOODS This is how we do. And with a nod, the DRIVER of the other jetvan opens it to reveal two motorcycles inside. Bretton's MTT Turbine Superbike and an Agusta, these bikes are handcrafted works of art as much as they are demons of speed. Jacob laughs in disbelief and excitement. JACOB And we're allowed to ride these through here? Sucking in the fresh summer air... BRETTON WOODS No. AND JACOB AND BRETTON Now decked out in leather riding gear... on the bikes... at the mouth of the trail... revving the engines... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Follow me... And with that, shoots into the forest. Jacob quickly follows. AND THEY RIDE Winding through the trees... along the side of a river... Bretton riding extremely fast with Jacob trying to keep up. Bretton reaches a clearing and waits for Jacob to catch up. Once he does... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) You're going to have to keep up. JACOB Okay. I'm just getting used to it. 78. BRETTON WOODS Tell me your idea. JACOB Here? BRETTON WOODS Where else? JACOB Right. Okay. (COLLECTING HIMSELF) Are you still short any of the financials? BRETTON WOODS No. After KZI, I took profits. JACOB I think it's time to go the other way. BRETTON WOODS Banks? JACOB Insurance companies. I'm talking the old school insurers that have become the babies thrown out with the bath water. Jacob waits for a reaction from Bretton. But all he gets is... BRETTON WOODS Keep up! And with that, Bretton rips into the clearing. Jacob rides just as fast. They're neck and neck... it's definitely a race. Bretton pulls ahead but Jacob doesn't give up. As they move quickly toward a patch of forest with a only narrow trail entering it, Jacob focuses on the horizon and revs the bike into more speed. He pulls up next to Bretton as they approach the trail. If Jacob doesn't slow down, and fall in line behind Bretton, he's going to hit the trees. But he doesn't. Instead, Jacob blasts the bike into its final dose of speed, narrowly avoiding impact by zipping into the trail... pulling ahead of Bretton and taking the lead. A TRANQUIL LAKE As it sits still in the setting sun. Untouched by man. Bretton and Jacob get off the bikes and walk to the shore. As they catch their breaths and enjoy the beauty... 79. JACOB The basket of stocks I'm putting together focuses on reinsurance brokering and management services for businesses. They're trading below book and have large dividends. (BEAT) I say we buy them here. Bretton thinks about it. He's not sure. BRETTON WOODS Financials are a falling knife. Jacob nods... JACOB I'm not arguing that... but the best opportunities are found where angels fear to tread. Jacob can see... he has Bretton on the hook. JACOB (CONT'D) So yeah -- they are falling knives. But Bretton... And with confidence... driving it home... JACOB (CONT'D) ... what's life without a little blood on your hands? INT. JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As WORKERS install an electronic ticker that wraps around the top circumference of the whole office... similar to the one Andrew Zabel had. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) Okay. Then I want you to build positions in your favorite three names. Jacob picks up the phone and... THE SCREEN SPLITS IN TWO With Jacob on top and Robby on the bottom. As Robby takes the order and starts typing into his Bloomberg... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I want you stealth. Use all six trading desks we're in business with. NOW ROBBY'S HALF OF THE SCREEN SPLITS INTO 6 SMALL BOXES 80. Six different trading desks... six different BROKERS taking calls from Jacob who still owns the whole top half of the screen. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) And if they go down... we increase our size. AND BACK TO JACOB Leaning back... feet on desk... staring at the ticker... which only has three stocks on it... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) See Jacob -- I don't believe in "wrong." MCC at $21.65, ACN at $16.24 and ISS at $7.23. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I only believe in "not right yet." EXT. UPPER WEST SIDE - NIGHT A rainstorm takes over the city. A cab pulls out front of Shun Lee Cafe. INT. TAXI - NIGHT Winnie sucks in a deep breath. WINNIE He chose this restaurant. Jacob confirms. WINNIE (CONT'D) We used to come here every Sunday night. He takes her hand. JACOB You're going to be fine. WINNIE I'm only doing this for you. JACOB No. You're doing this for you. She just glares at him. WINNIE We're never having sex again. JACOB Then what my friends say about marriage will be true. 81. And she nervously fights back a smile... WINNIE Oh, shut up. INT. SHUN LEE CAFE - NIGHT The HOST leads Winnie and Jacob through the grand dining room. Gordon sees them and stands up. We can tell he's anxious as well. GORDON GEKKO Hi. Fighting back the nerves... WINNIE Hey. They just stand there. Jacob holds out his hand. JACOB Mr. Gekko, I'm Jacob Moore, we spoke on the phone. Nice to finally meet in person. Gekko just looks at him for an extra long beat, then... shakes his hand. GORDON GEKKO Yes. They all sit. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Jacob, shall we get some wine? JACOB I don't drink. GORDON GEKKO Oh... okay. Then Gordon attempts a smile over to his daughter. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Let me guess... the ginger garlic lobster. WINNIE (TO JACOB) I used to order that every time. She closes her menu. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm not really hungry. 82. GORDON GEKKO I've been following your career, Winnie. Senator Lehigh said some very nice things about you in The American Prospect interview. WINNIE Yeah. She's really been... very... supportive of my... And it trails off... as she just glares at Gordon. WINNIE (CONT'D) I can't do this. She exhales, stands and looks down to Jacob. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm sorry. I can't do this. And she quickly walks off. Jacob frozen. Until Gordon looks over to him with... GORDON GEKKO It's okay. This is a long term investment. (BEAT) Go after her. She needs you. And Jacob does. As Gordon looks down... disappointed. INT. WEST 65TH - NIGHT Pouring rain. Jacob runs after her. JACOB Winnie... Winnie... He turns her around. WINNIE You don't understand. Her tears being washed away by the rain. WINNIE (CONT'D) My mother couldn't handle Rudy. He was so out of control. I couldn't help him. Jacob takes her into his hold... WINNIE (CONT'D) (RE GEKKO) If he wasn't in prison... if he had been there. I know it would've been different. JACOB Your brother's dead, Winnie. 83. Squeezing her tight... JACOB (CONT'D) Your father isn't. WINNIE He's not the person people think he is. JACOB It was a long time ago. She pulls out of his embrace... WINNIE He'll hurt us. Can't we just go home? Please... Jacob. It's raining. And he just looks at her for a long moment... soaking wet and shivering... crying and exposed. JACOB (what am I doing?) I love you. You don't have to do this. (AND THEN) Let's just go home. INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Darkness. The phone rings. Jacob answers it. JACOB Yes. INTERCUT WITH... BRETTON WOODS Your insurance companies are down. He's working a coffee in the master suite of The Black Swan Home... JACOB Bretton. BRETTON WOODS I want to increase our size. Glancing at the LCD, 12:23am... JACOB Okay. Good. It's just a matter of time before they turn. I'll call the DESKS TOMORROW-- BRETTON WOODS Jacob, I want you to triple our positions on all three. 84. Jacob takes a beat. JACOB Okay. BRETTON WOODS And they better fucking go up. Click. And as Jacob just looks at the phone... GORDON GEKKO (PRELAP) The instant you know you're in trouble is the exact moment when a sound investment thesis turns into blind hope. INT. NORMA'S - MORNING Jacob sits across from Gordon at this well-known breakfast spot in the Parker Meridian hotel. GORDON GEKKO Tripling the size... that's a very aggressive move. Jacob nods. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And I promise you he's using leverage to do this. JACOB He's chasing. Suddenly, a MAN approaches the table. He's in his thirties. TOM Mr Gekko, I'm Tom Sanders. I write for Barrons. GORDON GEKKO I've heard of it. Letting out a little laugh... TOM I'm sure you have. (BEAT) Well, I'm doing a piece of Wall Street moguls who ended up going to prison. I've already talked to Boesky and Milken and would love to sit down with you. GORDON GEKKO Can you give me the cover? Tom isn't sure if Gordon's serious. Either is Jacob. 85. TOM Well, I... um... don't make those decisions. GORDON GEKKO Get me the cover and I'll give you seventy minutes. Tom politely smiles. TOM I'll... take that as a no. ... and goes. Gordon looks down to his breakfast and quietly asserts... GORDON GEKKO (almost to himself) Both those assholes got the cover when they were convicted. And after a moment... JACOB How do we know the insurance companies are going to continue going down? As he casually places his egg on a piece of toast... GORDON GEKKO It's all going down. ... and takes a bite. AND THREE CHARTS NOW FILL THE SCREEN Side by side... above the charts are written respectively MCC, ACN and ISS. And we follow all the three trend lines from Aug 17th forward to the right... and they all move down. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Just wait. And we stop in September. And as a blue circle is formed over Sept 13th on all three charts, we... CUT TO: TIME WARNER CENTER/BALLROOM This is The Financial Follies... an annual event held by the financial writers association. 500 people sit at tables, enjoying this dinner and live show that pokes fun at people in the world of finance. Everyone who's anyone in high finance is here. 86. On the stage, the spotlight finds BILL MAHER and the applause breaks out... BILL MAHER Welcome to the 2008 Financial Follies! (APPLAUDS) I'm Bill Maher and I'm getting paid in Euros. Jacob shares a table with Bretton, Bretton's wife and a few other FINANCIAL PLAYERS. Winnie is not here. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) When The Financial Writers Association asked me to host an event for the world of finance, I was shocked. I'm known in Washington not Wall Street... (BEAT) ... but then they informed me that Washington is actually in the process of buying Wall Street, so it all makes sense. Laughter... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I asked them if anything's off limits. And they said to stay away from the brokerages, banks and insurers... (pause for effect, then...) ... where the fuck was that advice five months ago? More laughter. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I see Sammy Rosen's here. The spotlight finds SAMMY ROSEN, billionaire hedge funder. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Sammy, how are you? From his table... SAMMY ROSEN Doing well. BILL MAHER (to the room) Of course he is... in the amount of time it took for us to have that exchange, he made three hundred and nine thousand dollars. (back to Sammy) Sammy, let me give you some free advice, the next time someone with bad eyesight wants to sell you a hundred and fifty million dollar painting... don't let them personally deliver it. 87. It's an inside joke that this room gets... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Somebody told me Gordon Gekko is here. Gordon... ? Across the room, a spotlight finds Gordon... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) There you are. I have some inside information for you, Gekko... sex sells books, not bread lines. Gordon smiles and raises his glass up to Bill. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Talk about your sour grapes. Seriously Gordon -- just because the SEC doesn't let you make obscene amounts of money by being wrong and nefarious doesn't mean you have to ruin it for all of these hard working people. The room applauds... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Okay, we have a video to show now. It's a very detailed and academic account of the current mortgage crises. Let `er rip! And the room goes dark... and on the screen plays a childlike roughly illustrated stick-figure skit being narrated by children. FIRST FRAME Under the caption "Main Street National Bank" is a drawing of a Poor Man sitting across from a Banker Man behind his desk. POOR MAN I'd like a mortgage... I don't really have any money though... is that cool? BANKER MAN Totally cool. Since housing prices are always going up it won't be a problem. POOR MAN You guys are awesome! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "A few weeks later at the bank..." Banker Man now stands over a pile of steaming shit. 88. BANKER MAN Wow, these mortgages are really beginning to smell. I better sell them to smart people. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Smart People Investment Bank" Smart Man stands over the same steaming pile of shit. SMART MAN Wow, these mortgages we just bought really smell. I better sell them to foreigners. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "The CDO Factory" our smart man oversees an assembly line of stick figure workers. SMART MAN (CONT'D) Mix those crappy mortgages in real good with the clean ones so the rating agencies won't smell them. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Rich Man Hedge Fund" a stick figure named Rich Man sits behind his desk and holds a phone to his ear. RICH MAN Good news, Smart Man, not only did foreigners buy those traunches, but so did school boards and charities and big pensions. (BEAT) Why did they buy them you ask? Well, they were looking for a really secure risk-free investment and they were all triple A, so... NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Norwegian Village Pension Fund" a Norwegian Man sits behind his desk and shouts into his phone. NORWEGIAN MAN Hey man! What the fuck? We're not receiving our monthly payments! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Rich Man Hedge Fund," Rich Man at his desk on the phone. RICH MAN Yeah, we fucked up. 89. And it now shuffles between the last two frames... the Norwegian Man and Rich Man. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the rating agencies? RICH MAN Yeah, they fucked up too. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the investment bank that put these CDO's together? RICH MAN Fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the bank that made the original loan? RICH MAN Totally fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What am I supposed to tell my villagers? RICH MAN That you fucked up. The final frame Just the rendering of that steaming pile of shit under the caption... "The End." And the lights go on to a some subdued laughter and a smattering of applause. BILL MAHER What a year -- enjoy the night! INT. FINANCIAL FOLLIES - LATER Desert is served. Jackets are off, cigars are lit, Bretton's wife has gone home. The group at the table is a little drunk and having a good time. BRETTON WOODS It's a good question... what do you think, George? GEORGE, an investment banker at the table, thinks about it. GEORGE The definition of rich... flying private. The table reacts... some agree, other don't. George turns to Jacob. 90. GEORGE (CONT'D) Jacob... ? What do you think? JACOB To be rich... is to have the love of a good woman. They all boo... JACOB (CONT'D) (with a smile) For real... I truly believe that. And Jacob turns to Bretton... JACOB (CONT'D) Bretton... what's your definition of rich? An approaching voice answers it for him. VOICE (O.S.) To have twice as much money as you currently do. As he takes a seat... GORDON GEKKO Isn't that what you always say, Bretton? Then... announcing to the table... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) He brings up the question, runs it round the table then finishes with that. It's an old bit. Also announcing to the table... BRETTON WOODS Be careful Gordon... (looking at Jacob) ... your daughter's financial health is in my hands now. Jacob loses his smile... suddenly becoming uncomfortable. GORDON GEKKO That's right. (BEAT) And the way The Locust Fund has been buying up the insurance companies lately makes me worried about my future grandchildren's college educations. JACOB (TO BRETTON) I didn't tell him. 91. BRETTON WOODS No, I don't suppose you did. Bretton looks over to Jacob. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Go ahead, Jacob, preach your book... defend your names. And Jacob turns to Gordon... JACOB We have a proactive central bank, the charts show a clear bottom on July 15th and these companies are trading at half of what they were six months ago. GORDON GEKKO Just cause it's low don't make it cheap, Sport. JACOB I read your book. GORDON GEKKO It's not out yet. JACOB I have a friend in publishing. (BEAT) 25% unemployment... stagflation... bread lines... Martial law... government seizures of assets and gold... end of democracy... Bretton leans back... taking in this sparring match. JACOB (CONT'D) Really Gordon? Do you really need attention that badly? GORDON GEKKO Since I have forty-four seconds to spare, I'm going to tell you a story. It's about a guy named Sam. And we go close on Gekko... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Sam used to work a job, he made things and he grew things and he sold those things. Until one day Sam got a credit card and was amazed how easy it was to buy things with it. So Sam got another card and then another. Then he used the credit card money to make it look like he had an income... and he used that "income" to secure a loan. (MORE) 92. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And with that loan Sam bought a fancy BMW car and rented a fancy penthouse apartment. (BEAT) Now, the credit cards hit their limit and the bank needed him to service that loan, so Sam went to his friends. His Chinese friend... and his Japanese friend... and his British friend and so on. And his friends loaned Sam money. (ANOTHER BEAT) And that brings us to today... where Sam owes the credit cards and Sam owes the banks and Sam owes his friends and eventually they're going to take away Sam's fancy BMW car and his fancy penthouse apartment. And Jacob can now see... in Gordon Gekko's eyes... he truly believes every word he's saying. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And Sam doesn't make anything anymore and Sam doesn't grow anything anymore so Sam doesn't sell anything anymore. As he stands... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Our favorite Uncle Sam's desperate, Jake... and he just found a printing press in his basement. (BEAT) So you tell me -- where do we go from here? And with that, Gordon Gekko goes. BRETTON WOODS (RE GEKKO) It is sad isn't it? That he can't just take his ball and go home. (BEAT) That he has to piss on the whole game. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - MORNING Rushed, Jacob heads through the lobby of his building. Diego catches his stride. DIEGO (doing his best Howard COSELL) Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! And Jacob just keeps walking... 93. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - MORNING Jacob heads into the office to find Bretton sitting behind his desk. BRETTON WOODS They're not going to save it. They're just going to let it bloody die! And sure enough... on the tv... Fox Business runs footage of Lehman Brother's demise. On the screen, the chyron screams: $700 BILLION GOVERNMENT BAILOUT TO THE BANKS! ALEXIS GLICK (ON TV) And as another US banking institution collapses, Congress is working quickly on a bailout package that will distribute over three hundred billion dollars to other banks in trouble. Bretton turns off the tv and looks to Jacob with... BRETTON WOODS We're getting fucking killed. And Jacob looks up to his electronic ticker... MCC $18.53 -2.34, ACN $12.04 -1.35, ISS $7.03 -.65. JACOB It's capitulation. Bretton holds Jacob's look... fighting to keep his composure. Until... he simply stands and offers Jacob his desk back. BRETTON WOODS Then buy more. Jacob takes his chair and reaches for the phone. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Cost us down to current levels. Jacob looks up, surprised. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) It's just a question of time before this turns around... right? And he glares at Jacob. JACOB Right. Bretton just stares nervously at the electronic ticker... a frazzled gambler talking himself into his bet. BRETTON WOODS Fuck it. 94. As he goes... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Leverage is sexy. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on Sept 16th then travels down the trend line and stops. And as a circle is formed around the Sept 24th, we... CUT TO: INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT LCD reads 4:43 am. Jacob lays awake... staring at the ceiling. WINNIE (O.S.) I would hear him in the kitchen. Jacob turns to see she's awake. JACOB I'm sorry, you have an early train. I'm going to just go to the office now. She leans up. WINNIE He didn't want to keep my mother awake so he'd go into the kitchen and sit there. I could hear him because my room was right up the back stairs.

oh

How many times the word 'oh' appears in the text?

(CONT'D) Good job, Jacob... And as they head out into the Dubai heat... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.)(PRE-LAP) So he trust you now. EXT. BOWLING GREEN PARK - DAY The iconic charging bull of Wall Street. JACOB (V.O.) I think so. Travel the park to find... Jacob and Gordon stopping at the food vendors. GORDON GEKKO Well, I'm happy to help. (AND THEN) What about your end of the trade, Sport? JACOB Oh... I'm still working on it. (BEAT) I'll talk to her. I promise. GORDON GEKKO (TO VENDOR) Hot dog. (TO JACOB) What do you want? JACOB (TO VENDOR) I'll take a pretzel. As they get their food and walk... GORDON GEKKO So you're a hedge fund cowboy now? Shaking his head... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Goddamn hedge funds -- what a racket. Playing the world casino, betting other people's money with leverage. And it's completely legal and completely unregulated. (MORE) 71. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) The hustles they get away with make insider trading seem like a parking ticket. SLAM INTO THE FRONTIER FUND/TRADING PIT Rows and rows of computers in a large dark room.... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Nassim Tariq and his Frontier Fund. With their slews of MIT grads who become glorified millionaire robots pushing buttons... ... with casually dressed ASIANS and INDIANS in their 20s working the keyboards like zombies. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... slaves to top-secret propriety elegant algorithms that work until they don't. AND SLAM INTO ESSEX CAPITAL ADVISERS/CONFERENCE ROOM A stuffy conference room half-filled with bored MEN in their 40s watching a presentation... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or the baby cub funds like Sammy Rosen's Essex Advisers... filled with Goldman Sachs and Julian Robertson pedigree. Most of the men type on their blackberrys... one is actually asleep. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Men who are way too rich, lazy and tired to run money properly anymore. THEN SLAM INTO THE DANIELS ACTIVIST FUND/ALLAN DANIELS'S OFFICE A small cluttered office with papers strewn about... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or Allan Daniel's and his bully operation. ALLAN DANIELS, a small bull-dog of a man, paces back and forth... dictating in anger. His SECRETARY types down every word he's shouting. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... with his angry letters to company boards that are nothing but veiled threats in the name of activism. AND RIGHT BACK TO BOWLING GREEN PARK Where Gordon stops walking... 72. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) So you're inside... you have his trust... and now you want to know what's next. And Jacob's look over to Gekko confirms this. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Here's the thing about Bretton. He puts all of his money into his own fund which makes him stupid, egotistical, and most importantly... vulnerable. (BEAT) And he chases. He doesn't take losses well and he chases with leverage. He thinks he's a trader, he thinks he's an investor but he's not. He's a gambler. Regarding Jacob... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) That pretzel looks good. Jacob just shrugs. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Care to make a trade? JACOB Whatever. And they trade. The hotdog for the pretzel. GORDON GEKKO As for your end of our trade. (BEAT) Find a way for me to reunite with my daughter, Jake. Because we both know how she would react to the fact that you've been lying to her about bonding with your future father-in-law. Just standing there... holding that hot dog... JACOB Is that a threat? Looking Jacob dead on... GORDON GEKKO Absolutely. Jacob just shakes his head with a laugh... now realizing that Gekko talked him into this position for this exact leverage. JACOB You're priceless, Gordon. 73. With a smile... GORDON GEKKO Just be happy I'm on your team. (AND THEN) Get him into a bad position and watch him chase it. JACOB What bad position? GORDON GEKKO What have I been saying all along, Kid? JACOB Financials. GORDON GEKKO They're a death trap -- mark my words. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As Jacob takes in his new view... it's spectacular. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) But he won't fall for a brokerage or bank play this late in the game. Everyone knows they're poison. AND TIME LAPSE As the office grows furniture... a plasma on the wall... a computer on the desk... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Sell him on insurance. There's a case to be made for those stocks... ill- fated as they may be. ... books on the shelves... pictures on the walls... a couch and table... a paper shredder and waste baskets... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) But take your time... make him think you've been doing your due diligence. Find Jacob at his desk... working away at his computer... it's late at night. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Make it look like you're working your ass off to find him this genius trade... come in early, leave late and don't bring up the idea for at least a few weeks. And Jacob finally gets up from his desk... goes to the window... looking across midtown Manhattan... 74. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) And then Jacob... ... eyes pasted on a building made of glass and steel... a building he once called home... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... sell him hard... then watch him bite... then watch him chase... ... KZI Investments. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... then watch him come undone. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - DAY Holding his suitcase, Jacob emerges from the elevator and heads for a waiting town car. Jacob sees Diego... JACOB Bring it. Diego smiles... loves this new one... DIEGO What's the most dangerous question on Wall Street? JACOB Tell me. DIEGO "How are you?" And Jacob agrees whole-heartedly as he heads on his way. EXT. WASHINGTON DC - MORNING As the sun rises over our nation's capital. EXT. ROCK CREEK PARK - MORNING Winnie and Jacob jog the park through the humid July haze. It's very early. And Jacob stops jogging. Catches his breath. She keeps running. JACOB Why are you with me? She stops and turns back to him. WINNIE What? 75. JACOB You hate finance. You hate Wall Street. Why are you with me? Winnie nods. It's a valid question. And she thinks about it for a moment, then... WINNIE Repetition compulsion. JACOB Huh? WINNIE It's Freud. JACOB And what does it mean, psych major? WINNIE Well, it's when people repeat the same dysfunctional relationships from childhood in their adult life in hopes of trying to master them. JACOB Like when children of alcoholics fall in love with alcoholics. WINNIE Yeah. He turns away... upset. JACOB That's great, Winnie. WINNIE Jacob, that might be why I was initially attracted to you... but it's not why I love you. She moves to him. WINNIE (CONT'D) I love you because you're compassionate and you care so deeply about what you do and you have like no ego, it's crazy. She reaches to him... turning his face to meet hers. WINNIE (CONT'D) And you're the smartest person I've ever met... and there's nobody I trust more in the world. Jacob looks away... almost ashamed. And Winnie can sense something's not right. 76. WINNIE (CONT'D) What's wrong? JACOB Nothing... As Jacob draws in a deep breath, collects himself and finally turns back to her with... JACOB (CONT'D) I just wish you would master that relationship from childhood so you can move forward with this one. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on July 20th then travels down the trend and stops. And as a circle is formed around August 11th, we... CUT TO: EXT. WESTSIDE HIGHWAY- DAY And Manhattan... as it sweats through the heart of summer. Two jetvans ride uptown... INT. JETVAN - DAY As Jacob rides with Bretton... JACOB Bretton... I found something I like. Bretton looks over to him. BRETTON WOODS I've been wondering when my new portfolio manager was going to come to me with something special. JACOB I just wanted to make sure I would be bringing you the smartest idea possible. I know you don't go light. Confirming... BRETTON WOODS That's right. If I commit to this... we go large and we don't back down. JACOB It might be better to do this in the office. I have color and support to PRESENT-- Waving him off... 77. BRETTON WOODS C'mon Jacob, you know that's not how we do. EXT. ADIRONDACK FOREST PRESERVE - DAY 2.7 million acres of State protected majestic land. All nature... rivers and lakes... cypresses and maples. Clean air. And trails. Many trails that go on for miles. As the two Becker jetvans arrive at a restricted area, a STATE RANGER opens the gate and allows them to drive through then park. Jacob and Bretton emerge from the jetvan. BRETTON WOODS This is how we do. And with a nod, the DRIVER of the other jetvan opens it to reveal two motorcycles inside. Bretton's MTT Turbine Superbike and an Agusta, these bikes are handcrafted works of art as much as they are demons of speed. Jacob laughs in disbelief and excitement. JACOB And we're allowed to ride these through here? Sucking in the fresh summer air... BRETTON WOODS No. AND JACOB AND BRETTON Now decked out in leather riding gear... on the bikes... at the mouth of the trail... revving the engines... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Follow me... And with that, shoots into the forest. Jacob quickly follows. AND THEY RIDE Winding through the trees... along the side of a river... Bretton riding extremely fast with Jacob trying to keep up. Bretton reaches a clearing and waits for Jacob to catch up. Once he does... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) You're going to have to keep up. JACOB Okay. I'm just getting used to it. 78. BRETTON WOODS Tell me your idea. JACOB Here? BRETTON WOODS Where else? JACOB Right. Okay. (COLLECTING HIMSELF) Are you still short any of the financials? BRETTON WOODS No. After KZI, I took profits. JACOB I think it's time to go the other way. BRETTON WOODS Banks? JACOB Insurance companies. I'm talking the old school insurers that have become the babies thrown out with the bath water. Jacob waits for a reaction from Bretton. But all he gets is... BRETTON WOODS Keep up! And with that, Bretton rips into the clearing. Jacob rides just as fast. They're neck and neck... it's definitely a race. Bretton pulls ahead but Jacob doesn't give up. As they move quickly toward a patch of forest with a only narrow trail entering it, Jacob focuses on the horizon and revs the bike into more speed. He pulls up next to Bretton as they approach the trail. If Jacob doesn't slow down, and fall in line behind Bretton, he's going to hit the trees. But he doesn't. Instead, Jacob blasts the bike into its final dose of speed, narrowly avoiding impact by zipping into the trail... pulling ahead of Bretton and taking the lead. A TRANQUIL LAKE As it sits still in the setting sun. Untouched by man. Bretton and Jacob get off the bikes and walk to the shore. As they catch their breaths and enjoy the beauty... 79. JACOB The basket of stocks I'm putting together focuses on reinsurance brokering and management services for businesses. They're trading below book and have large dividends. (BEAT) I say we buy them here. Bretton thinks about it. He's not sure. BRETTON WOODS Financials are a falling knife. Jacob nods... JACOB I'm not arguing that... but the best opportunities are found where angels fear to tread. Jacob can see... he has Bretton on the hook. JACOB (CONT'D) So yeah -- they are falling knives. But Bretton... And with confidence... driving it home... JACOB (CONT'D) ... what's life without a little blood on your hands? INT. JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As WORKERS install an electronic ticker that wraps around the top circumference of the whole office... similar to the one Andrew Zabel had. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) Okay. Then I want you to build positions in your favorite three names. Jacob picks up the phone and... THE SCREEN SPLITS IN TWO With Jacob on top and Robby on the bottom. As Robby takes the order and starts typing into his Bloomberg... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I want you stealth. Use all six trading desks we're in business with. NOW ROBBY'S HALF OF THE SCREEN SPLITS INTO 6 SMALL BOXES 80. Six different trading desks... six different BROKERS taking calls from Jacob who still owns the whole top half of the screen. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) And if they go down... we increase our size. AND BACK TO JACOB Leaning back... feet on desk... staring at the ticker... which only has three stocks on it... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) See Jacob -- I don't believe in "wrong." MCC at $21.65, ACN at $16.24 and ISS at $7.23. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I only believe in "not right yet." EXT. UPPER WEST SIDE - NIGHT A rainstorm takes over the city. A cab pulls out front of Shun Lee Cafe. INT. TAXI - NIGHT Winnie sucks in a deep breath. WINNIE He chose this restaurant. Jacob confirms. WINNIE (CONT'D) We used to come here every Sunday night. He takes her hand. JACOB You're going to be fine. WINNIE I'm only doing this for you. JACOB No. You're doing this for you. She just glares at him. WINNIE We're never having sex again. JACOB Then what my friends say about marriage will be true. 81. And she nervously fights back a smile... WINNIE Oh, shut up. INT. SHUN LEE CAFE - NIGHT The HOST leads Winnie and Jacob through the grand dining room. Gordon sees them and stands up. We can tell he's anxious as well. GORDON GEKKO Hi. Fighting back the nerves... WINNIE Hey. They just stand there. Jacob holds out his hand. JACOB Mr. Gekko, I'm Jacob Moore, we spoke on the phone. Nice to finally meet in person. Gekko just looks at him for an extra long beat, then... shakes his hand. GORDON GEKKO Yes. They all sit. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Jacob, shall we get some wine? JACOB I don't drink. GORDON GEKKO Oh... okay. Then Gordon attempts a smile over to his daughter. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Let me guess... the ginger garlic lobster. WINNIE (TO JACOB) I used to order that every time. She closes her menu. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm not really hungry. 82. GORDON GEKKO I've been following your career, Winnie. Senator Lehigh said some very nice things about you in The American Prospect interview. WINNIE Yeah. She's really been... very... supportive of my... And it trails off... as she just glares at Gordon. WINNIE (CONT'D) I can't do this. She exhales, stands and looks down to Jacob. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm sorry. I can't do this. And she quickly walks off. Jacob frozen. Until Gordon looks over to him with... GORDON GEKKO It's okay. This is a long term investment. (BEAT) Go after her. She needs you. And Jacob does. As Gordon looks down... disappointed. INT. WEST 65TH - NIGHT Pouring rain. Jacob runs after her. JACOB Winnie... Winnie... He turns her around. WINNIE You don't understand. Her tears being washed away by the rain. WINNIE (CONT'D) My mother couldn't handle Rudy. He was so out of control. I couldn't help him. Jacob takes her into his hold... WINNIE (CONT'D) (RE GEKKO) If he wasn't in prison... if he had been there. I know it would've been different. JACOB Your brother's dead, Winnie. 83. Squeezing her tight... JACOB (CONT'D) Your father isn't. WINNIE He's not the person people think he is. JACOB It was a long time ago. She pulls out of his embrace... WINNIE He'll hurt us. Can't we just go home? Please... Jacob. It's raining. And he just looks at her for a long moment... soaking wet and shivering... crying and exposed. JACOB (what am I doing?) I love you. You don't have to do this. (AND THEN) Let's just go home. INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Darkness. The phone rings. Jacob answers it. JACOB Yes. INTERCUT WITH... BRETTON WOODS Your insurance companies are down. He's working a coffee in the master suite of The Black Swan Home... JACOB Bretton. BRETTON WOODS I want to increase our size. Glancing at the LCD, 12:23am... JACOB Okay. Good. It's just a matter of time before they turn. I'll call the DESKS TOMORROW-- BRETTON WOODS Jacob, I want you to triple our positions on all three. 84. Jacob takes a beat. JACOB Okay. BRETTON WOODS And they better fucking go up. Click. And as Jacob just looks at the phone... GORDON GEKKO (PRELAP) The instant you know you're in trouble is the exact moment when a sound investment thesis turns into blind hope. INT. NORMA'S - MORNING Jacob sits across from Gordon at this well-known breakfast spot in the Parker Meridian hotel. GORDON GEKKO Tripling the size... that's a very aggressive move. Jacob nods. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And I promise you he's using leverage to do this. JACOB He's chasing. Suddenly, a MAN approaches the table. He's in his thirties. TOM Mr Gekko, I'm Tom Sanders. I write for Barrons. GORDON GEKKO I've heard of it. Letting out a little laugh... TOM I'm sure you have. (BEAT) Well, I'm doing a piece of Wall Street moguls who ended up going to prison. I've already talked to Boesky and Milken and would love to sit down with you. GORDON GEKKO Can you give me the cover? Tom isn't sure if Gordon's serious. Either is Jacob. 85. TOM Well, I... um... don't make those decisions. GORDON GEKKO Get me the cover and I'll give you seventy minutes. Tom politely smiles. TOM I'll... take that as a no. ... and goes. Gordon looks down to his breakfast and quietly asserts... GORDON GEKKO (almost to himself) Both those assholes got the cover when they were convicted. And after a moment... JACOB How do we know the insurance companies are going to continue going down? As he casually places his egg on a piece of toast... GORDON GEKKO It's all going down. ... and takes a bite. AND THREE CHARTS NOW FILL THE SCREEN Side by side... above the charts are written respectively MCC, ACN and ISS. And we follow all the three trend lines from Aug 17th forward to the right... and they all move down. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Just wait. And we stop in September. And as a blue circle is formed over Sept 13th on all three charts, we... CUT TO: TIME WARNER CENTER/BALLROOM This is The Financial Follies... an annual event held by the financial writers association. 500 people sit at tables, enjoying this dinner and live show that pokes fun at people in the world of finance. Everyone who's anyone in high finance is here. 86. On the stage, the spotlight finds BILL MAHER and the applause breaks out... BILL MAHER Welcome to the 2008 Financial Follies! (APPLAUDS) I'm Bill Maher and I'm getting paid in Euros. Jacob shares a table with Bretton, Bretton's wife and a few other FINANCIAL PLAYERS. Winnie is not here. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) When The Financial Writers Association asked me to host an event for the world of finance, I was shocked. I'm known in Washington not Wall Street... (BEAT) ... but then they informed me that Washington is actually in the process of buying Wall Street, so it all makes sense. Laughter... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I asked them if anything's off limits. And they said to stay away from the brokerages, banks and insurers... (pause for effect, then...) ... where the fuck was that advice five months ago? More laughter. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I see Sammy Rosen's here. The spotlight finds SAMMY ROSEN, billionaire hedge funder. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Sammy, how are you? From his table... SAMMY ROSEN Doing well. BILL MAHER (to the room) Of course he is... in the amount of time it took for us to have that exchange, he made three hundred and nine thousand dollars. (back to Sammy) Sammy, let me give you some free advice, the next time someone with bad eyesight wants to sell you a hundred and fifty million dollar painting... don't let them personally deliver it. 87. It's an inside joke that this room gets... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Somebody told me Gordon Gekko is here. Gordon... ? Across the room, a spotlight finds Gordon... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) There you are. I have some inside information for you, Gekko... sex sells books, not bread lines. Gordon smiles and raises his glass up to Bill. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Talk about your sour grapes. Seriously Gordon -- just because the SEC doesn't let you make obscene amounts of money by being wrong and nefarious doesn't mean you have to ruin it for all of these hard working people. The room applauds... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Okay, we have a video to show now. It's a very detailed and academic account of the current mortgage crises. Let `er rip! And the room goes dark... and on the screen plays a childlike roughly illustrated stick-figure skit being narrated by children. FIRST FRAME Under the caption "Main Street National Bank" is a drawing of a Poor Man sitting across from a Banker Man behind his desk. POOR MAN I'd like a mortgage... I don't really have any money though... is that cool? BANKER MAN Totally cool. Since housing prices are always going up it won't be a problem. POOR MAN You guys are awesome! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "A few weeks later at the bank..." Banker Man now stands over a pile of steaming shit. 88. BANKER MAN Wow, these mortgages are really beginning to smell. I better sell them to smart people. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Smart People Investment Bank" Smart Man stands over the same steaming pile of shit. SMART MAN Wow, these mortgages we just bought really smell. I better sell them to foreigners. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "The CDO Factory" our smart man oversees an assembly line of stick figure workers. SMART MAN (CONT'D) Mix those crappy mortgages in real good with the clean ones so the rating agencies won't smell them. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Rich Man Hedge Fund" a stick figure named Rich Man sits behind his desk and holds a phone to his ear. RICH MAN Good news, Smart Man, not only did foreigners buy those traunches, but so did school boards and charities and big pensions. (BEAT) Why did they buy them you ask? Well, they were looking for a really secure risk-free investment and they were all triple A, so... NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Norwegian Village Pension Fund" a Norwegian Man sits behind his desk and shouts into his phone. NORWEGIAN MAN Hey man! What the fuck? We're not receiving our monthly payments! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Rich Man Hedge Fund," Rich Man at his desk on the phone. RICH MAN Yeah, we fucked up. 89. And it now shuffles between the last two frames... the Norwegian Man and Rich Man. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the rating agencies? RICH MAN Yeah, they fucked up too. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the investment bank that put these CDO's together? RICH MAN Fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the bank that made the original loan? RICH MAN Totally fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What am I supposed to tell my villagers? RICH MAN That you fucked up. The final frame Just the rendering of that steaming pile of shit under the caption... "The End." And the lights go on to a some subdued laughter and a smattering of applause. BILL MAHER What a year -- enjoy the night! INT. FINANCIAL FOLLIES - LATER Desert is served. Jackets are off, cigars are lit, Bretton's wife has gone home. The group at the table is a little drunk and having a good time. BRETTON WOODS It's a good question... what do you think, George? GEORGE, an investment banker at the table, thinks about it. GEORGE The definition of rich... flying private. The table reacts... some agree, other don't. George turns to Jacob. 90. GEORGE (CONT'D) Jacob... ? What do you think? JACOB To be rich... is to have the love of a good woman. They all boo... JACOB (CONT'D) (with a smile) For real... I truly believe that. And Jacob turns to Bretton... JACOB (CONT'D) Bretton... what's your definition of rich? An approaching voice answers it for him. VOICE (O.S.) To have twice as much money as you currently do. As he takes a seat... GORDON GEKKO Isn't that what you always say, Bretton? Then... announcing to the table... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) He brings up the question, runs it round the table then finishes with that. It's an old bit. Also announcing to the table... BRETTON WOODS Be careful Gordon... (looking at Jacob) ... your daughter's financial health is in my hands now. Jacob loses his smile... suddenly becoming uncomfortable. GORDON GEKKO That's right. (BEAT) And the way The Locust Fund has been buying up the insurance companies lately makes me worried about my future grandchildren's college educations. JACOB (TO BRETTON) I didn't tell him. 91. BRETTON WOODS No, I don't suppose you did. Bretton looks over to Jacob. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Go ahead, Jacob, preach your book... defend your names. And Jacob turns to Gordon... JACOB We have a proactive central bank, the charts show a clear bottom on July 15th and these companies are trading at half of what they were six months ago. GORDON GEKKO Just cause it's low don't make it cheap, Sport. JACOB I read your book. GORDON GEKKO It's not out yet. JACOB I have a friend in publishing. (BEAT) 25% unemployment... stagflation... bread lines... Martial law... government seizures of assets and gold... end of democracy... Bretton leans back... taking in this sparring match. JACOB (CONT'D) Really Gordon? Do you really need attention that badly? GORDON GEKKO Since I have forty-four seconds to spare, I'm going to tell you a story. It's about a guy named Sam. And we go close on Gekko... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Sam used to work a job, he made things and he grew things and he sold those things. Until one day Sam got a credit card and was amazed how easy it was to buy things with it. So Sam got another card and then another. Then he used the credit card money to make it look like he had an income... and he used that "income" to secure a loan. (MORE) 92. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And with that loan Sam bought a fancy BMW car and rented a fancy penthouse apartment. (BEAT) Now, the credit cards hit their limit and the bank needed him to service that loan, so Sam went to his friends. His Chinese friend... and his Japanese friend... and his British friend and so on. And his friends loaned Sam money. (ANOTHER BEAT) And that brings us to today... where Sam owes the credit cards and Sam owes the banks and Sam owes his friends and eventually they're going to take away Sam's fancy BMW car and his fancy penthouse apartment. And Jacob can now see... in Gordon Gekko's eyes... he truly believes every word he's saying. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And Sam doesn't make anything anymore and Sam doesn't grow anything anymore so Sam doesn't sell anything anymore. As he stands... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Our favorite Uncle Sam's desperate, Jake... and he just found a printing press in his basement. (BEAT) So you tell me -- where do we go from here? And with that, Gordon Gekko goes. BRETTON WOODS (RE GEKKO) It is sad isn't it? That he can't just take his ball and go home. (BEAT) That he has to piss on the whole game. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - MORNING Rushed, Jacob heads through the lobby of his building. Diego catches his stride. DIEGO (doing his best Howard COSELL) Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! And Jacob just keeps walking... 93. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - MORNING Jacob heads into the office to find Bretton sitting behind his desk. BRETTON WOODS They're not going to save it. They're just going to let it bloody die! And sure enough... on the tv... Fox Business runs footage of Lehman Brother's demise. On the screen, the chyron screams: $700 BILLION GOVERNMENT BAILOUT TO THE BANKS! ALEXIS GLICK (ON TV) And as another US banking institution collapses, Congress is working quickly on a bailout package that will distribute over three hundred billion dollars to other banks in trouble. Bretton turns off the tv and looks to Jacob with... BRETTON WOODS We're getting fucking killed. And Jacob looks up to his electronic ticker... MCC $18.53 -2.34, ACN $12.04 -1.35, ISS $7.03 -.65. JACOB It's capitulation. Bretton holds Jacob's look... fighting to keep his composure. Until... he simply stands and offers Jacob his desk back. BRETTON WOODS Then buy more. Jacob takes his chair and reaches for the phone. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Cost us down to current levels. Jacob looks up, surprised. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) It's just a question of time before this turns around... right? And he glares at Jacob. JACOB Right. Bretton just stares nervously at the electronic ticker... a frazzled gambler talking himself into his bet. BRETTON WOODS Fuck it. 94. As he goes... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Leverage is sexy. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on Sept 16th then travels down the trend line and stops. And as a circle is formed around the Sept 24th, we... CUT TO: INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT LCD reads 4:43 am. Jacob lays awake... staring at the ceiling. WINNIE (O.S.) I would hear him in the kitchen. Jacob turns to see she's awake. JACOB I'm sorry, you have an early train. I'm going to just go to the office now. She leans up. WINNIE He didn't want to keep my mother awake so he'd go into the kitchen and sit there. I could hear him because my room was right up the back stairs.

shaking

How many times the word 'shaking' appears in the text?

(CONT'D) Good job, Jacob... And as they head out into the Dubai heat... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.)(PRE-LAP) So he trust you now. EXT. BOWLING GREEN PARK - DAY The iconic charging bull of Wall Street. JACOB (V.O.) I think so. Travel the park to find... Jacob and Gordon stopping at the food vendors. GORDON GEKKO Well, I'm happy to help. (AND THEN) What about your end of the trade, Sport? JACOB Oh... I'm still working on it. (BEAT) I'll talk to her. I promise. GORDON GEKKO (TO VENDOR) Hot dog. (TO JACOB) What do you want? JACOB (TO VENDOR) I'll take a pretzel. As they get their food and walk... GORDON GEKKO So you're a hedge fund cowboy now? Shaking his head... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Goddamn hedge funds -- what a racket. Playing the world casino, betting other people's money with leverage. And it's completely legal and completely unregulated. (MORE) 71. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) The hustles they get away with make insider trading seem like a parking ticket. SLAM INTO THE FRONTIER FUND/TRADING PIT Rows and rows of computers in a large dark room.... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Nassim Tariq and his Frontier Fund. With their slews of MIT grads who become glorified millionaire robots pushing buttons... ... with casually dressed ASIANS and INDIANS in their 20s working the keyboards like zombies. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... slaves to top-secret propriety elegant algorithms that work until they don't. AND SLAM INTO ESSEX CAPITAL ADVISERS/CONFERENCE ROOM A stuffy conference room half-filled with bored MEN in their 40s watching a presentation... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or the baby cub funds like Sammy Rosen's Essex Advisers... filled with Goldman Sachs and Julian Robertson pedigree. Most of the men type on their blackberrys... one is actually asleep. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Men who are way too rich, lazy and tired to run money properly anymore. THEN SLAM INTO THE DANIELS ACTIVIST FUND/ALLAN DANIELS'S OFFICE A small cluttered office with papers strewn about... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or Allan Daniel's and his bully operation. ALLAN DANIELS, a small bull-dog of a man, paces back and forth... dictating in anger. His SECRETARY types down every word he's shouting. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... with his angry letters to company boards that are nothing but veiled threats in the name of activism. AND RIGHT BACK TO BOWLING GREEN PARK Where Gordon stops walking... 72. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) So you're inside... you have his trust... and now you want to know what's next. And Jacob's look over to Gekko confirms this. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Here's the thing about Bretton. He puts all of his money into his own fund which makes him stupid, egotistical, and most importantly... vulnerable. (BEAT) And he chases. He doesn't take losses well and he chases with leverage. He thinks he's a trader, he thinks he's an investor but he's not. He's a gambler. Regarding Jacob... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) That pretzel looks good. Jacob just shrugs. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Care to make a trade? JACOB Whatever. And they trade. The hotdog for the pretzel. GORDON GEKKO As for your end of our trade. (BEAT) Find a way for me to reunite with my daughter, Jake. Because we both know how she would react to the fact that you've been lying to her about bonding with your future father-in-law. Just standing there... holding that hot dog... JACOB Is that a threat? Looking Jacob dead on... GORDON GEKKO Absolutely. Jacob just shakes his head with a laugh... now realizing that Gekko talked him into this position for this exact leverage. JACOB You're priceless, Gordon. 73. With a smile... GORDON GEKKO Just be happy I'm on your team. (AND THEN) Get him into a bad position and watch him chase it. JACOB What bad position? GORDON GEKKO What have I been saying all along, Kid? JACOB Financials. GORDON GEKKO They're a death trap -- mark my words. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As Jacob takes in his new view... it's spectacular. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) But he won't fall for a brokerage or bank play this late in the game. Everyone knows they're poison. AND TIME LAPSE As the office grows furniture... a plasma on the wall... a computer on the desk... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Sell him on insurance. There's a case to be made for those stocks... ill- fated as they may be. ... books on the shelves... pictures on the walls... a couch and table... a paper shredder and waste baskets... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) But take your time... make him think you've been doing your due diligence. Find Jacob at his desk... working away at his computer... it's late at night. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Make it look like you're working your ass off to find him this genius trade... come in early, leave late and don't bring up the idea for at least a few weeks. And Jacob finally gets up from his desk... goes to the window... looking across midtown Manhattan... 74. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) And then Jacob... ... eyes pasted on a building made of glass and steel... a building he once called home... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... sell him hard... then watch him bite... then watch him chase... ... KZI Investments. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... then watch him come undone. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - DAY Holding his suitcase, Jacob emerges from the elevator and heads for a waiting town car. Jacob sees Diego... JACOB Bring it. Diego smiles... loves this new one... DIEGO What's the most dangerous question on Wall Street? JACOB Tell me. DIEGO "How are you?" And Jacob agrees whole-heartedly as he heads on his way. EXT. WASHINGTON DC - MORNING As the sun rises over our nation's capital. EXT. ROCK CREEK PARK - MORNING Winnie and Jacob jog the park through the humid July haze. It's very early. And Jacob stops jogging. Catches his breath. She keeps running. JACOB Why are you with me? She stops and turns back to him. WINNIE What? 75. JACOB You hate finance. You hate Wall Street. Why are you with me? Winnie nods. It's a valid question. And she thinks about it for a moment, then... WINNIE Repetition compulsion. JACOB Huh? WINNIE It's Freud. JACOB And what does it mean, psych major? WINNIE Well, it's when people repeat the same dysfunctional relationships from childhood in their adult life in hopes of trying to master them. JACOB Like when children of alcoholics fall in love with alcoholics. WINNIE Yeah. He turns away... upset. JACOB That's great, Winnie. WINNIE Jacob, that might be why I was initially attracted to you... but it's not why I love you. She moves to him. WINNIE (CONT'D) I love you because you're compassionate and you care so deeply about what you do and you have like no ego, it's crazy. She reaches to him... turning his face to meet hers. WINNIE (CONT'D) And you're the smartest person I've ever met... and there's nobody I trust more in the world. Jacob looks away... almost ashamed. And Winnie can sense something's not right. 76. WINNIE (CONT'D) What's wrong? JACOB Nothing... As Jacob draws in a deep breath, collects himself and finally turns back to her with... JACOB (CONT'D) I just wish you would master that relationship from childhood so you can move forward with this one. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on July 20th then travels down the trend and stops. And as a circle is formed around August 11th, we... CUT TO: EXT. WESTSIDE HIGHWAY- DAY And Manhattan... as it sweats through the heart of summer. Two jetvans ride uptown... INT. JETVAN - DAY As Jacob rides with Bretton... JACOB Bretton... I found something I like. Bretton looks over to him. BRETTON WOODS I've been wondering when my new portfolio manager was going to come to me with something special. JACOB I just wanted to make sure I would be bringing you the smartest idea possible. I know you don't go light. Confirming... BRETTON WOODS That's right. If I commit to this... we go large and we don't back down. JACOB It might be better to do this in the office. I have color and support to PRESENT-- Waving him off... 77. BRETTON WOODS C'mon Jacob, you know that's not how we do. EXT. ADIRONDACK FOREST PRESERVE - DAY 2.7 million acres of State protected majestic land. All nature... rivers and lakes... cypresses and maples. Clean air. And trails. Many trails that go on for miles. As the two Becker jetvans arrive at a restricted area, a STATE RANGER opens the gate and allows them to drive through then park. Jacob and Bretton emerge from the jetvan. BRETTON WOODS This is how we do. And with a nod, the DRIVER of the other jetvan opens it to reveal two motorcycles inside. Bretton's MTT Turbine Superbike and an Agusta, these bikes are handcrafted works of art as much as they are demons of speed. Jacob laughs in disbelief and excitement. JACOB And we're allowed to ride these through here? Sucking in the fresh summer air... BRETTON WOODS No. AND JACOB AND BRETTON Now decked out in leather riding gear... on the bikes... at the mouth of the trail... revving the engines... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Follow me... And with that, shoots into the forest. Jacob quickly follows. AND THEY RIDE Winding through the trees... along the side of a river... Bretton riding extremely fast with Jacob trying to keep up. Bretton reaches a clearing and waits for Jacob to catch up. Once he does... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) You're going to have to keep up. JACOB Okay. I'm just getting used to it. 78. BRETTON WOODS Tell me your idea. JACOB Here? BRETTON WOODS Where else? JACOB Right. Okay. (COLLECTING HIMSELF) Are you still short any of the financials? BRETTON WOODS No. After KZI, I took profits. JACOB I think it's time to go the other way. BRETTON WOODS Banks? JACOB Insurance companies. I'm talking the old school insurers that have become the babies thrown out with the bath water. Jacob waits for a reaction from Bretton. But all he gets is... BRETTON WOODS Keep up! And with that, Bretton rips into the clearing. Jacob rides just as fast. They're neck and neck... it's definitely a race. Bretton pulls ahead but Jacob doesn't give up. As they move quickly toward a patch of forest with a only narrow trail entering it, Jacob focuses on the horizon and revs the bike into more speed. He pulls up next to Bretton as they approach the trail. If Jacob doesn't slow down, and fall in line behind Bretton, he's going to hit the trees. But he doesn't. Instead, Jacob blasts the bike into its final dose of speed, narrowly avoiding impact by zipping into the trail... pulling ahead of Bretton and taking the lead. A TRANQUIL LAKE As it sits still in the setting sun. Untouched by man. Bretton and Jacob get off the bikes and walk to the shore. As they catch their breaths and enjoy the beauty... 79. JACOB The basket of stocks I'm putting together focuses on reinsurance brokering and management services for businesses. They're trading below book and have large dividends. (BEAT) I say we buy them here. Bretton thinks about it. He's not sure. BRETTON WOODS Financials are a falling knife. Jacob nods... JACOB I'm not arguing that... but the best opportunities are found where angels fear to tread. Jacob can see... he has Bretton on the hook. JACOB (CONT'D) So yeah -- they are falling knives. But Bretton... And with confidence... driving it home... JACOB (CONT'D) ... what's life without a little blood on your hands? INT. JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As WORKERS install an electronic ticker that wraps around the top circumference of the whole office... similar to the one Andrew Zabel had. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) Okay. Then I want you to build positions in your favorite three names. Jacob picks up the phone and... THE SCREEN SPLITS IN TWO With Jacob on top and Robby on the bottom. As Robby takes the order and starts typing into his Bloomberg... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I want you stealth. Use all six trading desks we're in business with. NOW ROBBY'S HALF OF THE SCREEN SPLITS INTO 6 SMALL BOXES 80. Six different trading desks... six different BROKERS taking calls from Jacob who still owns the whole top half of the screen. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) And if they go down... we increase our size. AND BACK TO JACOB Leaning back... feet on desk... staring at the ticker... which only has three stocks on it... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) See Jacob -- I don't believe in "wrong." MCC at $21.65, ACN at $16.24 and ISS at $7.23. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I only believe in "not right yet." EXT. UPPER WEST SIDE - NIGHT A rainstorm takes over the city. A cab pulls out front of Shun Lee Cafe. INT. TAXI - NIGHT Winnie sucks in a deep breath. WINNIE He chose this restaurant. Jacob confirms. WINNIE (CONT'D) We used to come here every Sunday night. He takes her hand. JACOB You're going to be fine. WINNIE I'm only doing this for you. JACOB No. You're doing this for you. She just glares at him. WINNIE We're never having sex again. JACOB Then what my friends say about marriage will be true. 81. And she nervously fights back a smile... WINNIE Oh, shut up. INT. SHUN LEE CAFE - NIGHT The HOST leads Winnie and Jacob through the grand dining room. Gordon sees them and stands up. We can tell he's anxious as well. GORDON GEKKO Hi. Fighting back the nerves... WINNIE Hey. They just stand there. Jacob holds out his hand. JACOB Mr. Gekko, I'm Jacob Moore, we spoke on the phone. Nice to finally meet in person. Gekko just looks at him for an extra long beat, then... shakes his hand. GORDON GEKKO Yes. They all sit. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Jacob, shall we get some wine? JACOB I don't drink. GORDON GEKKO Oh... okay. Then Gordon attempts a smile over to his daughter. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Let me guess... the ginger garlic lobster. WINNIE (TO JACOB) I used to order that every time. She closes her menu. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm not really hungry. 82. GORDON GEKKO I've been following your career, Winnie. Senator Lehigh said some very nice things about you in The American Prospect interview. WINNIE Yeah. She's really been... very... supportive of my... And it trails off... as she just glares at Gordon. WINNIE (CONT'D) I can't do this. She exhales, stands and looks down to Jacob. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm sorry. I can't do this. And she quickly walks off. Jacob frozen. Until Gordon looks over to him with... GORDON GEKKO It's okay. This is a long term investment. (BEAT) Go after her. She needs you. And Jacob does. As Gordon looks down... disappointed. INT. WEST 65TH - NIGHT Pouring rain. Jacob runs after her. JACOB Winnie... Winnie... He turns her around. WINNIE You don't understand. Her tears being washed away by the rain. WINNIE (CONT'D) My mother couldn't handle Rudy. He was so out of control. I couldn't help him. Jacob takes her into his hold... WINNIE (CONT'D) (RE GEKKO) If he wasn't in prison... if he had been there. I know it would've been different. JACOB Your brother's dead, Winnie. 83. Squeezing her tight... JACOB (CONT'D) Your father isn't. WINNIE He's not the person people think he is. JACOB It was a long time ago. She pulls out of his embrace... WINNIE He'll hurt us. Can't we just go home? Please... Jacob. It's raining. And he just looks at her for a long moment... soaking wet and shivering... crying and exposed. JACOB (what am I doing?) I love you. You don't have to do this. (AND THEN) Let's just go home. INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Darkness. The phone rings. Jacob answers it. JACOB Yes. INTERCUT WITH... BRETTON WOODS Your insurance companies are down. He's working a coffee in the master suite of The Black Swan Home... JACOB Bretton. BRETTON WOODS I want to increase our size. Glancing at the LCD, 12:23am... JACOB Okay. Good. It's just a matter of time before they turn. I'll call the DESKS TOMORROW-- BRETTON WOODS Jacob, I want you to triple our positions on all three. 84. Jacob takes a beat. JACOB Okay. BRETTON WOODS And they better fucking go up. Click. And as Jacob just looks at the phone... GORDON GEKKO (PRELAP) The instant you know you're in trouble is the exact moment when a sound investment thesis turns into blind hope. INT. NORMA'S - MORNING Jacob sits across from Gordon at this well-known breakfast spot in the Parker Meridian hotel. GORDON GEKKO Tripling the size... that's a very aggressive move. Jacob nods. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And I promise you he's using leverage to do this. JACOB He's chasing. Suddenly, a MAN approaches the table. He's in his thirties. TOM Mr Gekko, I'm Tom Sanders. I write for Barrons. GORDON GEKKO I've heard of it. Letting out a little laugh... TOM I'm sure you have. (BEAT) Well, I'm doing a piece of Wall Street moguls who ended up going to prison. I've already talked to Boesky and Milken and would love to sit down with you. GORDON GEKKO Can you give me the cover? Tom isn't sure if Gordon's serious. Either is Jacob. 85. TOM Well, I... um... don't make those decisions. GORDON GEKKO Get me the cover and I'll give you seventy minutes. Tom politely smiles. TOM I'll... take that as a no. ... and goes. Gordon looks down to his breakfast and quietly asserts... GORDON GEKKO (almost to himself) Both those assholes got the cover when they were convicted. And after a moment... JACOB How do we know the insurance companies are going to continue going down? As he casually places his egg on a piece of toast... GORDON GEKKO It's all going down. ... and takes a bite. AND THREE CHARTS NOW FILL THE SCREEN Side by side... above the charts are written respectively MCC, ACN and ISS. And we follow all the three trend lines from Aug 17th forward to the right... and they all move down. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Just wait. And we stop in September. And as a blue circle is formed over Sept 13th on all three charts, we... CUT TO: TIME WARNER CENTER/BALLROOM This is The Financial Follies... an annual event held by the financial writers association. 500 people sit at tables, enjoying this dinner and live show that pokes fun at people in the world of finance. Everyone who's anyone in high finance is here. 86. On the stage, the spotlight finds BILL MAHER and the applause breaks out... BILL MAHER Welcome to the 2008 Financial Follies! (APPLAUDS) I'm Bill Maher and I'm getting paid in Euros. Jacob shares a table with Bretton, Bretton's wife and a few other FINANCIAL PLAYERS. Winnie is not here. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) When The Financial Writers Association asked me to host an event for the world of finance, I was shocked. I'm known in Washington not Wall Street... (BEAT) ... but then they informed me that Washington is actually in the process of buying Wall Street, so it all makes sense. Laughter... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I asked them if anything's off limits. And they said to stay away from the brokerages, banks and insurers... (pause for effect, then...) ... where the fuck was that advice five months ago? More laughter. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I see Sammy Rosen's here. The spotlight finds SAMMY ROSEN, billionaire hedge funder. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Sammy, how are you? From his table... SAMMY ROSEN Doing well. BILL MAHER (to the room) Of course he is... in the amount of time it took for us to have that exchange, he made three hundred and nine thousand dollars. (back to Sammy) Sammy, let me give you some free advice, the next time someone with bad eyesight wants to sell you a hundred and fifty million dollar painting... don't let them personally deliver it. 87. It's an inside joke that this room gets... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Somebody told me Gordon Gekko is here. Gordon... ? Across the room, a spotlight finds Gordon... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) There you are. I have some inside information for you, Gekko... sex sells books, not bread lines. Gordon smiles and raises his glass up to Bill. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Talk about your sour grapes. Seriously Gordon -- just because the SEC doesn't let you make obscene amounts of money by being wrong and nefarious doesn't mean you have to ruin it for all of these hard working people. The room applauds... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Okay, we have a video to show now. It's a very detailed and academic account of the current mortgage crises. Let `er rip! And the room goes dark... and on the screen plays a childlike roughly illustrated stick-figure skit being narrated by children. FIRST FRAME Under the caption "Main Street National Bank" is a drawing of a Poor Man sitting across from a Banker Man behind his desk. POOR MAN I'd like a mortgage... I don't really have any money though... is that cool? BANKER MAN Totally cool. Since housing prices are always going up it won't be a problem. POOR MAN You guys are awesome! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "A few weeks later at the bank..." Banker Man now stands over a pile of steaming shit. 88. BANKER MAN Wow, these mortgages are really beginning to smell. I better sell them to smart people. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Smart People Investment Bank" Smart Man stands over the same steaming pile of shit. SMART MAN Wow, these mortgages we just bought really smell. I better sell them to foreigners. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "The CDO Factory" our smart man oversees an assembly line of stick figure workers. SMART MAN (CONT'D) Mix those crappy mortgages in real good with the clean ones so the rating agencies won't smell them. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Rich Man Hedge Fund" a stick figure named Rich Man sits behind his desk and holds a phone to his ear. RICH MAN Good news, Smart Man, not only did foreigners buy those traunches, but so did school boards and charities and big pensions. (BEAT) Why did they buy them you ask? Well, they were looking for a really secure risk-free investment and they were all triple A, so... NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Norwegian Village Pension Fund" a Norwegian Man sits behind his desk and shouts into his phone. NORWEGIAN MAN Hey man! What the fuck? We're not receiving our monthly payments! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Rich Man Hedge Fund," Rich Man at his desk on the phone. RICH MAN Yeah, we fucked up. 89. And it now shuffles between the last two frames... the Norwegian Man and Rich Man. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the rating agencies? RICH MAN Yeah, they fucked up too. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the investment bank that put these CDO's together? RICH MAN Fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the bank that made the original loan? RICH MAN Totally fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What am I supposed to tell my villagers? RICH MAN That you fucked up. The final frame Just the rendering of that steaming pile of shit under the caption... "The End." And the lights go on to a some subdued laughter and a smattering of applause. BILL MAHER What a year -- enjoy the night! INT. FINANCIAL FOLLIES - LATER Desert is served. Jackets are off, cigars are lit, Bretton's wife has gone home. The group at the table is a little drunk and having a good time. BRETTON WOODS It's a good question... what do you think, George? GEORGE, an investment banker at the table, thinks about it. GEORGE The definition of rich... flying private. The table reacts... some agree, other don't. George turns to Jacob. 90. GEORGE (CONT'D) Jacob... ? What do you think? JACOB To be rich... is to have the love of a good woman. They all boo... JACOB (CONT'D) (with a smile) For real... I truly believe that. And Jacob turns to Bretton... JACOB (CONT'D) Bretton... what's your definition of rich? An approaching voice answers it for him. VOICE (O.S.) To have twice as much money as you currently do. As he takes a seat... GORDON GEKKO Isn't that what you always say, Bretton? Then... announcing to the table... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) He brings up the question, runs it round the table then finishes with that. It's an old bit. Also announcing to the table... BRETTON WOODS Be careful Gordon... (looking at Jacob) ... your daughter's financial health is in my hands now. Jacob loses his smile... suddenly becoming uncomfortable. GORDON GEKKO That's right. (BEAT) And the way The Locust Fund has been buying up the insurance companies lately makes me worried about my future grandchildren's college educations. JACOB (TO BRETTON) I didn't tell him. 91. BRETTON WOODS No, I don't suppose you did. Bretton looks over to Jacob. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Go ahead, Jacob, preach your book... defend your names. And Jacob turns to Gordon... JACOB We have a proactive central bank, the charts show a clear bottom on July 15th and these companies are trading at half of what they were six months ago. GORDON GEKKO Just cause it's low don't make it cheap, Sport. JACOB I read your book. GORDON GEKKO It's not out yet. JACOB I have a friend in publishing. (BEAT) 25% unemployment... stagflation... bread lines... Martial law... government seizures of assets and gold... end of democracy... Bretton leans back... taking in this sparring match. JACOB (CONT'D) Really Gordon? Do you really need attention that badly? GORDON GEKKO Since I have forty-four seconds to spare, I'm going to tell you a story. It's about a guy named Sam. And we go close on Gekko... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Sam used to work a job, he made things and he grew things and he sold those things. Until one day Sam got a credit card and was amazed how easy it was to buy things with it. So Sam got another card and then another. Then he used the credit card money to make it look like he had an income... and he used that "income" to secure a loan. (MORE) 92. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And with that loan Sam bought a fancy BMW car and rented a fancy penthouse apartment. (BEAT) Now, the credit cards hit their limit and the bank needed him to service that loan, so Sam went to his friends. His Chinese friend... and his Japanese friend... and his British friend and so on. And his friends loaned Sam money. (ANOTHER BEAT) And that brings us to today... where Sam owes the credit cards and Sam owes the banks and Sam owes his friends and eventually they're going to take away Sam's fancy BMW car and his fancy penthouse apartment. And Jacob can now see... in Gordon Gekko's eyes... he truly believes every word he's saying. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And Sam doesn't make anything anymore and Sam doesn't grow anything anymore so Sam doesn't sell anything anymore. As he stands... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Our favorite Uncle Sam's desperate, Jake... and he just found a printing press in his basement. (BEAT) So you tell me -- where do we go from here? And with that, Gordon Gekko goes. BRETTON WOODS (RE GEKKO) It is sad isn't it? That he can't just take his ball and go home. (BEAT) That he has to piss on the whole game. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - MORNING Rushed, Jacob heads through the lobby of his building. Diego catches his stride. DIEGO (doing his best Howard COSELL) Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! And Jacob just keeps walking... 93. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - MORNING Jacob heads into the office to find Bretton sitting behind his desk. BRETTON WOODS They're not going to save it. They're just going to let it bloody die! And sure enough... on the tv... Fox Business runs footage of Lehman Brother's demise. On the screen, the chyron screams: $700 BILLION GOVERNMENT BAILOUT TO THE BANKS! ALEXIS GLICK (ON TV) And as another US banking institution collapses, Congress is working quickly on a bailout package that will distribute over three hundred billion dollars to other banks in trouble. Bretton turns off the tv and looks to Jacob with... BRETTON WOODS We're getting fucking killed. And Jacob looks up to his electronic ticker... MCC $18.53 -2.34, ACN $12.04 -1.35, ISS $7.03 -.65. JACOB It's capitulation. Bretton holds Jacob's look... fighting to keep his composure. Until... he simply stands and offers Jacob his desk back. BRETTON WOODS Then buy more. Jacob takes his chair and reaches for the phone. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Cost us down to current levels. Jacob looks up, surprised. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) It's just a question of time before this turns around... right? And he glares at Jacob. JACOB Right. Bretton just stares nervously at the electronic ticker... a frazzled gambler talking himself into his bet. BRETTON WOODS Fuck it. 94. As he goes... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Leverage is sexy. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on Sept 16th then travels down the trend line and stops. And as a circle is formed around the Sept 24th, we... CUT TO: INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT LCD reads 4:43 am. Jacob lays awake... staring at the ceiling. WINNIE (O.S.) I would hear him in the kitchen. Jacob turns to see she's awake. JACOB I'm sorry, you have an early train. I'm going to just go to the office now. She leans up. WINNIE He didn't want to keep my mother awake so he'd go into the kitchen and sit there. I could hear him because my room was right up the back stairs.

deeply

How many times the word 'deeply' appears in the text?

(CONT'D) Good job, Jacob... And as they head out into the Dubai heat... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.)(PRE-LAP) So he trust you now. EXT. BOWLING GREEN PARK - DAY The iconic charging bull of Wall Street. JACOB (V.O.) I think so. Travel the park to find... Jacob and Gordon stopping at the food vendors. GORDON GEKKO Well, I'm happy to help. (AND THEN) What about your end of the trade, Sport? JACOB Oh... I'm still working on it. (BEAT) I'll talk to her. I promise. GORDON GEKKO (TO VENDOR) Hot dog. (TO JACOB) What do you want? JACOB (TO VENDOR) I'll take a pretzel. As they get their food and walk... GORDON GEKKO So you're a hedge fund cowboy now? Shaking his head... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Goddamn hedge funds -- what a racket. Playing the world casino, betting other people's money with leverage. And it's completely legal and completely unregulated. (MORE) 71. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) The hustles they get away with make insider trading seem like a parking ticket. SLAM INTO THE FRONTIER FUND/TRADING PIT Rows and rows of computers in a large dark room.... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Nassim Tariq and his Frontier Fund. With their slews of MIT grads who become glorified millionaire robots pushing buttons... ... with casually dressed ASIANS and INDIANS in their 20s working the keyboards like zombies. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... slaves to top-secret propriety elegant algorithms that work until they don't. AND SLAM INTO ESSEX CAPITAL ADVISERS/CONFERENCE ROOM A stuffy conference room half-filled with bored MEN in their 40s watching a presentation... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or the baby cub funds like Sammy Rosen's Essex Advisers... filled with Goldman Sachs and Julian Robertson pedigree. Most of the men type on their blackberrys... one is actually asleep. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Men who are way too rich, lazy and tired to run money properly anymore. THEN SLAM INTO THE DANIELS ACTIVIST FUND/ALLAN DANIELS'S OFFICE A small cluttered office with papers strewn about... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or Allan Daniel's and his bully operation. ALLAN DANIELS, a small bull-dog of a man, paces back and forth... dictating in anger. His SECRETARY types down every word he's shouting. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... with his angry letters to company boards that are nothing but veiled threats in the name of activism. AND RIGHT BACK TO BOWLING GREEN PARK Where Gordon stops walking... 72. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) So you're inside... you have his trust... and now you want to know what's next. And Jacob's look over to Gekko confirms this. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Here's the thing about Bretton. He puts all of his money into his own fund which makes him stupid, egotistical, and most importantly... vulnerable. (BEAT) And he chases. He doesn't take losses well and he chases with leverage. He thinks he's a trader, he thinks he's an investor but he's not. He's a gambler. Regarding Jacob... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) That pretzel looks good. Jacob just shrugs. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Care to make a trade? JACOB Whatever. And they trade. The hotdog for the pretzel. GORDON GEKKO As for your end of our trade. (BEAT) Find a way for me to reunite with my daughter, Jake. Because we both know how she would react to the fact that you've been lying to her about bonding with your future father-in-law. Just standing there... holding that hot dog... JACOB Is that a threat? Looking Jacob dead on... GORDON GEKKO Absolutely. Jacob just shakes his head with a laugh... now realizing that Gekko talked him into this position for this exact leverage. JACOB You're priceless, Gordon. 73. With a smile... GORDON GEKKO Just be happy I'm on your team. (AND THEN) Get him into a bad position and watch him chase it. JACOB What bad position? GORDON GEKKO What have I been saying all along, Kid? JACOB Financials. GORDON GEKKO They're a death trap -- mark my words. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As Jacob takes in his new view... it's spectacular. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) But he won't fall for a brokerage or bank play this late in the game. Everyone knows they're poison. AND TIME LAPSE As the office grows furniture... a plasma on the wall... a computer on the desk... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Sell him on insurance. There's a case to be made for those stocks... ill- fated as they may be. ... books on the shelves... pictures on the walls... a couch and table... a paper shredder and waste baskets... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) But take your time... make him think you've been doing your due diligence. Find Jacob at his desk... working away at his computer... it's late at night. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Make it look like you're working your ass off to find him this genius trade... come in early, leave late and don't bring up the idea for at least a few weeks. And Jacob finally gets up from his desk... goes to the window... looking across midtown Manhattan... 74. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) And then Jacob... ... eyes pasted on a building made of glass and steel... a building he once called home... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... sell him hard... then watch him bite... then watch him chase... ... KZI Investments. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... then watch him come undone. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - DAY Holding his suitcase, Jacob emerges from the elevator and heads for a waiting town car. Jacob sees Diego... JACOB Bring it. Diego smiles... loves this new one... DIEGO What's the most dangerous question on Wall Street? JACOB Tell me. DIEGO "How are you?" And Jacob agrees whole-heartedly as he heads on his way. EXT. WASHINGTON DC - MORNING As the sun rises over our nation's capital. EXT. ROCK CREEK PARK - MORNING Winnie and Jacob jog the park through the humid July haze. It's very early. And Jacob stops jogging. Catches his breath. She keeps running. JACOB Why are you with me? She stops and turns back to him. WINNIE What? 75. JACOB You hate finance. You hate Wall Street. Why are you with me? Winnie nods. It's a valid question. And she thinks about it for a moment, then... WINNIE Repetition compulsion. JACOB Huh? WINNIE It's Freud. JACOB And what does it mean, psych major? WINNIE Well, it's when people repeat the same dysfunctional relationships from childhood in their adult life in hopes of trying to master them. JACOB Like when children of alcoholics fall in love with alcoholics. WINNIE Yeah. He turns away... upset. JACOB That's great, Winnie. WINNIE Jacob, that might be why I was initially attracted to you... but it's not why I love you. She moves to him. WINNIE (CONT'D) I love you because you're compassionate and you care so deeply about what you do and you have like no ego, it's crazy. She reaches to him... turning his face to meet hers. WINNIE (CONT'D) And you're the smartest person I've ever met... and there's nobody I trust more in the world. Jacob looks away... almost ashamed. And Winnie can sense something's not right. 76. WINNIE (CONT'D) What's wrong? JACOB Nothing... As Jacob draws in a deep breath, collects himself and finally turns back to her with... JACOB (CONT'D) I just wish you would master that relationship from childhood so you can move forward with this one. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on July 20th then travels down the trend and stops. And as a circle is formed around August 11th, we... CUT TO: EXT. WESTSIDE HIGHWAY- DAY And Manhattan... as it sweats through the heart of summer. Two jetvans ride uptown... INT. JETVAN - DAY As Jacob rides with Bretton... JACOB Bretton... I found something I like. Bretton looks over to him. BRETTON WOODS I've been wondering when my new portfolio manager was going to come to me with something special. JACOB I just wanted to make sure I would be bringing you the smartest idea possible. I know you don't go light. Confirming... BRETTON WOODS That's right. If I commit to this... we go large and we don't back down. JACOB It might be better to do this in the office. I have color and support to PRESENT-- Waving him off... 77. BRETTON WOODS C'mon Jacob, you know that's not how we do. EXT. ADIRONDACK FOREST PRESERVE - DAY 2.7 million acres of State protected majestic land. All nature... rivers and lakes... cypresses and maples. Clean air. And trails. Many trails that go on for miles. As the two Becker jetvans arrive at a restricted area, a STATE RANGER opens the gate and allows them to drive through then park. Jacob and Bretton emerge from the jetvan. BRETTON WOODS This is how we do. And with a nod, the DRIVER of the other jetvan opens it to reveal two motorcycles inside. Bretton's MTT Turbine Superbike and an Agusta, these bikes are handcrafted works of art as much as they are demons of speed. Jacob laughs in disbelief and excitement. JACOB And we're allowed to ride these through here? Sucking in the fresh summer air... BRETTON WOODS No. AND JACOB AND BRETTON Now decked out in leather riding gear... on the bikes... at the mouth of the trail... revving the engines... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Follow me... And with that, shoots into the forest. Jacob quickly follows. AND THEY RIDE Winding through the trees... along the side of a river... Bretton riding extremely fast with Jacob trying to keep up. Bretton reaches a clearing and waits for Jacob to catch up. Once he does... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) You're going to have to keep up. JACOB Okay. I'm just getting used to it. 78. BRETTON WOODS Tell me your idea. JACOB Here? BRETTON WOODS Where else? JACOB Right. Okay. (COLLECTING HIMSELF) Are you still short any of the financials? BRETTON WOODS No. After KZI, I took profits. JACOB I think it's time to go the other way. BRETTON WOODS Banks? JACOB Insurance companies. I'm talking the old school insurers that have become the babies thrown out with the bath water. Jacob waits for a reaction from Bretton. But all he gets is... BRETTON WOODS Keep up! And with that, Bretton rips into the clearing. Jacob rides just as fast. They're neck and neck... it's definitely a race. Bretton pulls ahead but Jacob doesn't give up. As they move quickly toward a patch of forest with a only narrow trail entering it, Jacob focuses on the horizon and revs the bike into more speed. He pulls up next to Bretton as they approach the trail. If Jacob doesn't slow down, and fall in line behind Bretton, he's going to hit the trees. But he doesn't. Instead, Jacob blasts the bike into its final dose of speed, narrowly avoiding impact by zipping into the trail... pulling ahead of Bretton and taking the lead. A TRANQUIL LAKE As it sits still in the setting sun. Untouched by man. Bretton and Jacob get off the bikes and walk to the shore. As they catch their breaths and enjoy the beauty... 79. JACOB The basket of stocks I'm putting together focuses on reinsurance brokering and management services for businesses. They're trading below book and have large dividends. (BEAT) I say we buy them here. Bretton thinks about it. He's not sure. BRETTON WOODS Financials are a falling knife. Jacob nods... JACOB I'm not arguing that... but the best opportunities are found where angels fear to tread. Jacob can see... he has Bretton on the hook. JACOB (CONT'D) So yeah -- they are falling knives. But Bretton... And with confidence... driving it home... JACOB (CONT'D) ... what's life without a little blood on your hands? INT. JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As WORKERS install an electronic ticker that wraps around the top circumference of the whole office... similar to the one Andrew Zabel had. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) Okay. Then I want you to build positions in your favorite three names. Jacob picks up the phone and... THE SCREEN SPLITS IN TWO With Jacob on top and Robby on the bottom. As Robby takes the order and starts typing into his Bloomberg... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I want you stealth. Use all six trading desks we're in business with. NOW ROBBY'S HALF OF THE SCREEN SPLITS INTO 6 SMALL BOXES 80. Six different trading desks... six different BROKERS taking calls from Jacob who still owns the whole top half of the screen. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) And if they go down... we increase our size. AND BACK TO JACOB Leaning back... feet on desk... staring at the ticker... which only has three stocks on it... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) See Jacob -- I don't believe in "wrong." MCC at $21.65, ACN at $16.24 and ISS at $7.23. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I only believe in "not right yet." EXT. UPPER WEST SIDE - NIGHT A rainstorm takes over the city. A cab pulls out front of Shun Lee Cafe. INT. TAXI - NIGHT Winnie sucks in a deep breath. WINNIE He chose this restaurant. Jacob confirms. WINNIE (CONT'D) We used to come here every Sunday night. He takes her hand. JACOB You're going to be fine. WINNIE I'm only doing this for you. JACOB No. You're doing this for you. She just glares at him. WINNIE We're never having sex again. JACOB Then what my friends say about marriage will be true. 81. And she nervously fights back a smile... WINNIE Oh, shut up. INT. SHUN LEE CAFE - NIGHT The HOST leads Winnie and Jacob through the grand dining room. Gordon sees them and stands up. We can tell he's anxious as well. GORDON GEKKO Hi. Fighting back the nerves... WINNIE Hey. They just stand there. Jacob holds out his hand. JACOB Mr. Gekko, I'm Jacob Moore, we spoke on the phone. Nice to finally meet in person. Gekko just looks at him for an extra long beat, then... shakes his hand. GORDON GEKKO Yes. They all sit. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Jacob, shall we get some wine? JACOB I don't drink. GORDON GEKKO Oh... okay. Then Gordon attempts a smile over to his daughter. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Let me guess... the ginger garlic lobster. WINNIE (TO JACOB) I used to order that every time. She closes her menu. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm not really hungry. 82. GORDON GEKKO I've been following your career, Winnie. Senator Lehigh said some very nice things about you in The American Prospect interview. WINNIE Yeah. She's really been... very... supportive of my... And it trails off... as she just glares at Gordon. WINNIE (CONT'D) I can't do this. She exhales, stands and looks down to Jacob. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm sorry. I can't do this. And she quickly walks off. Jacob frozen. Until Gordon looks over to him with... GORDON GEKKO It's okay. This is a long term investment. (BEAT) Go after her. She needs you. And Jacob does. As Gordon looks down... disappointed. INT. WEST 65TH - NIGHT Pouring rain. Jacob runs after her. JACOB Winnie... Winnie... He turns her around. WINNIE You don't understand. Her tears being washed away by the rain. WINNIE (CONT'D) My mother couldn't handle Rudy. He was so out of control. I couldn't help him. Jacob takes her into his hold... WINNIE (CONT'D) (RE GEKKO) If he wasn't in prison... if he had been there. I know it would've been different. JACOB Your brother's dead, Winnie. 83. Squeezing her tight... JACOB (CONT'D) Your father isn't. WINNIE He's not the person people think he is. JACOB It was a long time ago. She pulls out of his embrace... WINNIE He'll hurt us. Can't we just go home? Please... Jacob. It's raining. And he just looks at her for a long moment... soaking wet and shivering... crying and exposed. JACOB (what am I doing?) I love you. You don't have to do this. (AND THEN) Let's just go home. INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Darkness. The phone rings. Jacob answers it. JACOB Yes. INTERCUT WITH... BRETTON WOODS Your insurance companies are down. He's working a coffee in the master suite of The Black Swan Home... JACOB Bretton. BRETTON WOODS I want to increase our size. Glancing at the LCD, 12:23am... JACOB Okay. Good. It's just a matter of time before they turn. I'll call the DESKS TOMORROW-- BRETTON WOODS Jacob, I want you to triple our positions on all three. 84. Jacob takes a beat. JACOB Okay. BRETTON WOODS And they better fucking go up. Click. And as Jacob just looks at the phone... GORDON GEKKO (PRELAP) The instant you know you're in trouble is the exact moment when a sound investment thesis turns into blind hope. INT. NORMA'S - MORNING Jacob sits across from Gordon at this well-known breakfast spot in the Parker Meridian hotel. GORDON GEKKO Tripling the size... that's a very aggressive move. Jacob nods. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And I promise you he's using leverage to do this. JACOB He's chasing. Suddenly, a MAN approaches the table. He's in his thirties. TOM Mr Gekko, I'm Tom Sanders. I write for Barrons. GORDON GEKKO I've heard of it. Letting out a little laugh... TOM I'm sure you have. (BEAT) Well, I'm doing a piece of Wall Street moguls who ended up going to prison. I've already talked to Boesky and Milken and would love to sit down with you. GORDON GEKKO Can you give me the cover? Tom isn't sure if Gordon's serious. Either is Jacob. 85. TOM Well, I... um... don't make those decisions. GORDON GEKKO Get me the cover and I'll give you seventy minutes. Tom politely smiles. TOM I'll... take that as a no. ... and goes. Gordon looks down to his breakfast and quietly asserts... GORDON GEKKO (almost to himself) Both those assholes got the cover when they were convicted. And after a moment... JACOB How do we know the insurance companies are going to continue going down? As he casually places his egg on a piece of toast... GORDON GEKKO It's all going down. ... and takes a bite. AND THREE CHARTS NOW FILL THE SCREEN Side by side... above the charts are written respectively MCC, ACN and ISS. And we follow all the three trend lines from Aug 17th forward to the right... and they all move down. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Just wait. And we stop in September. And as a blue circle is formed over Sept 13th on all three charts, we... CUT TO: TIME WARNER CENTER/BALLROOM This is The Financial Follies... an annual event held by the financial writers association. 500 people sit at tables, enjoying this dinner and live show that pokes fun at people in the world of finance. Everyone who's anyone in high finance is here. 86. On the stage, the spotlight finds BILL MAHER and the applause breaks out... BILL MAHER Welcome to the 2008 Financial Follies! (APPLAUDS) I'm Bill Maher and I'm getting paid in Euros. Jacob shares a table with Bretton, Bretton's wife and a few other FINANCIAL PLAYERS. Winnie is not here. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) When The Financial Writers Association asked me to host an event for the world of finance, I was shocked. I'm known in Washington not Wall Street... (BEAT) ... but then they informed me that Washington is actually in the process of buying Wall Street, so it all makes sense. Laughter... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I asked them if anything's off limits. And they said to stay away from the brokerages, banks and insurers... (pause for effect, then...) ... where the fuck was that advice five months ago? More laughter. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I see Sammy Rosen's here. The spotlight finds SAMMY ROSEN, billionaire hedge funder. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Sammy, how are you? From his table... SAMMY ROSEN Doing well. BILL MAHER (to the room) Of course he is... in the amount of time it took for us to have that exchange, he made three hundred and nine thousand dollars. (back to Sammy) Sammy, let me give you some free advice, the next time someone with bad eyesight wants to sell you a hundred and fifty million dollar painting... don't let them personally deliver it. 87. It's an inside joke that this room gets... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Somebody told me Gordon Gekko is here. Gordon... ? Across the room, a spotlight finds Gordon... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) There you are. I have some inside information for you, Gekko... sex sells books, not bread lines. Gordon smiles and raises his glass up to Bill. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Talk about your sour grapes. Seriously Gordon -- just because the SEC doesn't let you make obscene amounts of money by being wrong and nefarious doesn't mean you have to ruin it for all of these hard working people. The room applauds... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Okay, we have a video to show now. It's a very detailed and academic account of the current mortgage crises. Let `er rip! And the room goes dark... and on the screen plays a childlike roughly illustrated stick-figure skit being narrated by children. FIRST FRAME Under the caption "Main Street National Bank" is a drawing of a Poor Man sitting across from a Banker Man behind his desk. POOR MAN I'd like a mortgage... I don't really have any money though... is that cool? BANKER MAN Totally cool. Since housing prices are always going up it won't be a problem. POOR MAN You guys are awesome! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "A few weeks later at the bank..." Banker Man now stands over a pile of steaming shit. 88. BANKER MAN Wow, these mortgages are really beginning to smell. I better sell them to smart people. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Smart People Investment Bank" Smart Man stands over the same steaming pile of shit. SMART MAN Wow, these mortgages we just bought really smell. I better sell them to foreigners. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "The CDO Factory" our smart man oversees an assembly line of stick figure workers. SMART MAN (CONT'D) Mix those crappy mortgages in real good with the clean ones so the rating agencies won't smell them. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Rich Man Hedge Fund" a stick figure named Rich Man sits behind his desk and holds a phone to his ear. RICH MAN Good news, Smart Man, not only did foreigners buy those traunches, but so did school boards and charities and big pensions. (BEAT) Why did they buy them you ask? Well, they were looking for a really secure risk-free investment and they were all triple A, so... NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Norwegian Village Pension Fund" a Norwegian Man sits behind his desk and shouts into his phone. NORWEGIAN MAN Hey man! What the fuck? We're not receiving our monthly payments! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Rich Man Hedge Fund," Rich Man at his desk on the phone. RICH MAN Yeah, we fucked up. 89. And it now shuffles between the last two frames... the Norwegian Man and Rich Man. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the rating agencies? RICH MAN Yeah, they fucked up too. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the investment bank that put these CDO's together? RICH MAN Fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the bank that made the original loan? RICH MAN Totally fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What am I supposed to tell my villagers? RICH MAN That you fucked up. The final frame Just the rendering of that steaming pile of shit under the caption... "The End." And the lights go on to a some subdued laughter and a smattering of applause. BILL MAHER What a year -- enjoy the night! INT. FINANCIAL FOLLIES - LATER Desert is served. Jackets are off, cigars are lit, Bretton's wife has gone home. The group at the table is a little drunk and having a good time. BRETTON WOODS It's a good question... what do you think, George? GEORGE, an investment banker at the table, thinks about it. GEORGE The definition of rich... flying private. The table reacts... some agree, other don't. George turns to Jacob. 90. GEORGE (CONT'D) Jacob... ? What do you think? JACOB To be rich... is to have the love of a good woman. They all boo... JACOB (CONT'D) (with a smile) For real... I truly believe that. And Jacob turns to Bretton... JACOB (CONT'D) Bretton... what's your definition of rich? An approaching voice answers it for him. VOICE (O.S.) To have twice as much money as you currently do. As he takes a seat... GORDON GEKKO Isn't that what you always say, Bretton? Then... announcing to the table... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) He brings up the question, runs it round the table then finishes with that. It's an old bit. Also announcing to the table... BRETTON WOODS Be careful Gordon... (looking at Jacob) ... your daughter's financial health is in my hands now. Jacob loses his smile... suddenly becoming uncomfortable. GORDON GEKKO That's right. (BEAT) And the way The Locust Fund has been buying up the insurance companies lately makes me worried about my future grandchildren's college educations. JACOB (TO BRETTON) I didn't tell him. 91. BRETTON WOODS No, I don't suppose you did. Bretton looks over to Jacob. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Go ahead, Jacob, preach your book... defend your names. And Jacob turns to Gordon... JACOB We have a proactive central bank, the charts show a clear bottom on July 15th and these companies are trading at half of what they were six months ago. GORDON GEKKO Just cause it's low don't make it cheap, Sport. JACOB I read your book. GORDON GEKKO It's not out yet. JACOB I have a friend in publishing. (BEAT) 25% unemployment... stagflation... bread lines... Martial law... government seizures of assets and gold... end of democracy... Bretton leans back... taking in this sparring match. JACOB (CONT'D) Really Gordon? Do you really need attention that badly? GORDON GEKKO Since I have forty-four seconds to spare, I'm going to tell you a story. It's about a guy named Sam. And we go close on Gekko... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Sam used to work a job, he made things and he grew things and he sold those things. Until one day Sam got a credit card and was amazed how easy it was to buy things with it. So Sam got another card and then another. Then he used the credit card money to make it look like he had an income... and he used that "income" to secure a loan. (MORE) 92. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And with that loan Sam bought a fancy BMW car and rented a fancy penthouse apartment. (BEAT) Now, the credit cards hit their limit and the bank needed him to service that loan, so Sam went to his friends. His Chinese friend... and his Japanese friend... and his British friend and so on. And his friends loaned Sam money. (ANOTHER BEAT) And that brings us to today... where Sam owes the credit cards and Sam owes the banks and Sam owes his friends and eventually they're going to take away Sam's fancy BMW car and his fancy penthouse apartment. And Jacob can now see... in Gordon Gekko's eyes... he truly believes every word he's saying. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And Sam doesn't make anything anymore and Sam doesn't grow anything anymore so Sam doesn't sell anything anymore. As he stands... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Our favorite Uncle Sam's desperate, Jake... and he just found a printing press in his basement. (BEAT) So you tell me -- where do we go from here? And with that, Gordon Gekko goes. BRETTON WOODS (RE GEKKO) It is sad isn't it? That he can't just take his ball and go home. (BEAT) That he has to piss on the whole game. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - MORNING Rushed, Jacob heads through the lobby of his building. Diego catches his stride. DIEGO (doing his best Howard COSELL) Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! And Jacob just keeps walking... 93. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - MORNING Jacob heads into the office to find Bretton sitting behind his desk. BRETTON WOODS They're not going to save it. They're just going to let it bloody die! And sure enough... on the tv... Fox Business runs footage of Lehman Brother's demise. On the screen, the chyron screams: $700 BILLION GOVERNMENT BAILOUT TO THE BANKS! ALEXIS GLICK (ON TV) And as another US banking institution collapses, Congress is working quickly on a bailout package that will distribute over three hundred billion dollars to other banks in trouble. Bretton turns off the tv and looks to Jacob with... BRETTON WOODS We're getting fucking killed. And Jacob looks up to his electronic ticker... MCC $18.53 -2.34, ACN $12.04 -1.35, ISS $7.03 -.65. JACOB It's capitulation. Bretton holds Jacob's look... fighting to keep his composure. Until... he simply stands and offers Jacob his desk back. BRETTON WOODS Then buy more. Jacob takes his chair and reaches for the phone. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Cost us down to current levels. Jacob looks up, surprised. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) It's just a question of time before this turns around... right? And he glares at Jacob. JACOB Right. Bretton just stares nervously at the electronic ticker... a frazzled gambler talking himself into his bet. BRETTON WOODS Fuck it. 94. As he goes... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Leverage is sexy. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on Sept 16th then travels down the trend line and stops. And as a circle is formed around the Sept 24th, we... CUT TO: INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT LCD reads 4:43 am. Jacob lays awake... staring at the ceiling. WINNIE (O.S.) I would hear him in the kitchen. Jacob turns to see she's awake. JACOB I'm sorry, you have an early train. I'm going to just go to the office now. She leans up. WINNIE He didn't want to keep my mother awake so he'd go into the kitchen and sit there. I could hear him because my room was right up the back stairs.

knife

How many times the word 'knife' appears in the text?

(CONT'D) Good job, Jacob... And as they head out into the Dubai heat... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.)(PRE-LAP) So he trust you now. EXT. BOWLING GREEN PARK - DAY The iconic charging bull of Wall Street. JACOB (V.O.) I think so. Travel the park to find... Jacob and Gordon stopping at the food vendors. GORDON GEKKO Well, I'm happy to help. (AND THEN) What about your end of the trade, Sport? JACOB Oh... I'm still working on it. (BEAT) I'll talk to her. I promise. GORDON GEKKO (TO VENDOR) Hot dog. (TO JACOB) What do you want? JACOB (TO VENDOR) I'll take a pretzel. As they get their food and walk... GORDON GEKKO So you're a hedge fund cowboy now? Shaking his head... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Goddamn hedge funds -- what a racket. Playing the world casino, betting other people's money with leverage. And it's completely legal and completely unregulated. (MORE) 71. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) The hustles they get away with make insider trading seem like a parking ticket. SLAM INTO THE FRONTIER FUND/TRADING PIT Rows and rows of computers in a large dark room.... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Nassim Tariq and his Frontier Fund. With their slews of MIT grads who become glorified millionaire robots pushing buttons... ... with casually dressed ASIANS and INDIANS in their 20s working the keyboards like zombies. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... slaves to top-secret propriety elegant algorithms that work until they don't. AND SLAM INTO ESSEX CAPITAL ADVISERS/CONFERENCE ROOM A stuffy conference room half-filled with bored MEN in their 40s watching a presentation... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or the baby cub funds like Sammy Rosen's Essex Advisers... filled with Goldman Sachs and Julian Robertson pedigree. Most of the men type on their blackberrys... one is actually asleep. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Men who are way too rich, lazy and tired to run money properly anymore. THEN SLAM INTO THE DANIELS ACTIVIST FUND/ALLAN DANIELS'S OFFICE A small cluttered office with papers strewn about... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or Allan Daniel's and his bully operation. ALLAN DANIELS, a small bull-dog of a man, paces back and forth... dictating in anger. His SECRETARY types down every word he's shouting. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... with his angry letters to company boards that are nothing but veiled threats in the name of activism. AND RIGHT BACK TO BOWLING GREEN PARK Where Gordon stops walking... 72. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) So you're inside... you have his trust... and now you want to know what's next. And Jacob's look over to Gekko confirms this. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Here's the thing about Bretton. He puts all of his money into his own fund which makes him stupid, egotistical, and most importantly... vulnerable. (BEAT) And he chases. He doesn't take losses well and he chases with leverage. He thinks he's a trader, he thinks he's an investor but he's not. He's a gambler. Regarding Jacob... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) That pretzel looks good. Jacob just shrugs. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Care to make a trade? JACOB Whatever. And they trade. The hotdog for the pretzel. GORDON GEKKO As for your end of our trade. (BEAT) Find a way for me to reunite with my daughter, Jake. Because we both know how she would react to the fact that you've been lying to her about bonding with your future father-in-law. Just standing there... holding that hot dog... JACOB Is that a threat? Looking Jacob dead on... GORDON GEKKO Absolutely. Jacob just shakes his head with a laugh... now realizing that Gekko talked him into this position for this exact leverage. JACOB You're priceless, Gordon. 73. With a smile... GORDON GEKKO Just be happy I'm on your team. (AND THEN) Get him into a bad position and watch him chase it. JACOB What bad position? GORDON GEKKO What have I been saying all along, Kid? JACOB Financials. GORDON GEKKO They're a death trap -- mark my words. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As Jacob takes in his new view... it's spectacular. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) But he won't fall for a brokerage or bank play this late in the game. Everyone knows they're poison. AND TIME LAPSE As the office grows furniture... a plasma on the wall... a computer on the desk... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Sell him on insurance. There's a case to be made for those stocks... ill- fated as they may be. ... books on the shelves... pictures on the walls... a couch and table... a paper shredder and waste baskets... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) But take your time... make him think you've been doing your due diligence. Find Jacob at his desk... working away at his computer... it's late at night. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Make it look like you're working your ass off to find him this genius trade... come in early, leave late and don't bring up the idea for at least a few weeks. And Jacob finally gets up from his desk... goes to the window... looking across midtown Manhattan... 74. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) And then Jacob... ... eyes pasted on a building made of glass and steel... a building he once called home... GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... sell him hard... then watch him bite... then watch him chase... ... KZI Investments. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) ... then watch him come undone. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - DAY Holding his suitcase, Jacob emerges from the elevator and heads for a waiting town car. Jacob sees Diego... JACOB Bring it. Diego smiles... loves this new one... DIEGO What's the most dangerous question on Wall Street? JACOB Tell me. DIEGO "How are you?" And Jacob agrees whole-heartedly as he heads on his way. EXT. WASHINGTON DC - MORNING As the sun rises over our nation's capital. EXT. ROCK CREEK PARK - MORNING Winnie and Jacob jog the park through the humid July haze. It's very early. And Jacob stops jogging. Catches his breath. She keeps running. JACOB Why are you with me? She stops and turns back to him. WINNIE What? 75. JACOB You hate finance. You hate Wall Street. Why are you with me? Winnie nods. It's a valid question. And she thinks about it for a moment, then... WINNIE Repetition compulsion. JACOB Huh? WINNIE It's Freud. JACOB And what does it mean, psych major? WINNIE Well, it's when people repeat the same dysfunctional relationships from childhood in their adult life in hopes of trying to master them. JACOB Like when children of alcoholics fall in love with alcoholics. WINNIE Yeah. He turns away... upset. JACOB That's great, Winnie. WINNIE Jacob, that might be why I was initially attracted to you... but it's not why I love you. She moves to him. WINNIE (CONT'D) I love you because you're compassionate and you care so deeply about what you do and you have like no ego, it's crazy. She reaches to him... turning his face to meet hers. WINNIE (CONT'D) And you're the smartest person I've ever met... and there's nobody I trust more in the world. Jacob looks away... almost ashamed. And Winnie can sense something's not right. 76. WINNIE (CONT'D) What's wrong? JACOB Nothing... As Jacob draws in a deep breath, collects himself and finally turns back to her with... JACOB (CONT'D) I just wish you would master that relationship from childhood so you can move forward with this one. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on July 20th then travels down the trend and stops. And as a circle is formed around August 11th, we... CUT TO: EXT. WESTSIDE HIGHWAY- DAY And Manhattan... as it sweats through the heart of summer. Two jetvans ride uptown... INT. JETVAN - DAY As Jacob rides with Bretton... JACOB Bretton... I found something I like. Bretton looks over to him. BRETTON WOODS I've been wondering when my new portfolio manager was going to come to me with something special. JACOB I just wanted to make sure I would be bringing you the smartest idea possible. I know you don't go light. Confirming... BRETTON WOODS That's right. If I commit to this... we go large and we don't back down. JACOB It might be better to do this in the office. I have color and support to PRESENT-- Waving him off... 77. BRETTON WOODS C'mon Jacob, you know that's not how we do. EXT. ADIRONDACK FOREST PRESERVE - DAY 2.7 million acres of State protected majestic land. All nature... rivers and lakes... cypresses and maples. Clean air. And trails. Many trails that go on for miles. As the two Becker jetvans arrive at a restricted area, a STATE RANGER opens the gate and allows them to drive through then park. Jacob and Bretton emerge from the jetvan. BRETTON WOODS This is how we do. And with a nod, the DRIVER of the other jetvan opens it to reveal two motorcycles inside. Bretton's MTT Turbine Superbike and an Agusta, these bikes are handcrafted works of art as much as they are demons of speed. Jacob laughs in disbelief and excitement. JACOB And we're allowed to ride these through here? Sucking in the fresh summer air... BRETTON WOODS No. AND JACOB AND BRETTON Now decked out in leather riding gear... on the bikes... at the mouth of the trail... revving the engines... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Follow me... And with that, shoots into the forest. Jacob quickly follows. AND THEY RIDE Winding through the trees... along the side of a river... Bretton riding extremely fast with Jacob trying to keep up. Bretton reaches a clearing and waits for Jacob to catch up. Once he does... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) You're going to have to keep up. JACOB Okay. I'm just getting used to it. 78. BRETTON WOODS Tell me your idea. JACOB Here? BRETTON WOODS Where else? JACOB Right. Okay. (COLLECTING HIMSELF) Are you still short any of the financials? BRETTON WOODS No. After KZI, I took profits. JACOB I think it's time to go the other way. BRETTON WOODS Banks? JACOB Insurance companies. I'm talking the old school insurers that have become the babies thrown out with the bath water. Jacob waits for a reaction from Bretton. But all he gets is... BRETTON WOODS Keep up! And with that, Bretton rips into the clearing. Jacob rides just as fast. They're neck and neck... it's definitely a race. Bretton pulls ahead but Jacob doesn't give up. As they move quickly toward a patch of forest with a only narrow trail entering it, Jacob focuses on the horizon and revs the bike into more speed. He pulls up next to Bretton as they approach the trail. If Jacob doesn't slow down, and fall in line behind Bretton, he's going to hit the trees. But he doesn't. Instead, Jacob blasts the bike into its final dose of speed, narrowly avoiding impact by zipping into the trail... pulling ahead of Bretton and taking the lead. A TRANQUIL LAKE As it sits still in the setting sun. Untouched by man. Bretton and Jacob get off the bikes and walk to the shore. As they catch their breaths and enjoy the beauty... 79. JACOB The basket of stocks I'm putting together focuses on reinsurance brokering and management services for businesses. They're trading below book and have large dividends. (BEAT) I say we buy them here. Bretton thinks about it. He's not sure. BRETTON WOODS Financials are a falling knife. Jacob nods... JACOB I'm not arguing that... but the best opportunities are found where angels fear to tread. Jacob can see... he has Bretton on the hook. JACOB (CONT'D) So yeah -- they are falling knives. But Bretton... And with confidence... driving it home... JACOB (CONT'D) ... what's life without a little blood on your hands? INT. JACOB'S OFFICE - DAY As WORKERS install an electronic ticker that wraps around the top circumference of the whole office... similar to the one Andrew Zabel had. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) Okay. Then I want you to build positions in your favorite three names. Jacob picks up the phone and... THE SCREEN SPLITS IN TWO With Jacob on top and Robby on the bottom. As Robby takes the order and starts typing into his Bloomberg... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I want you stealth. Use all six trading desks we're in business with. NOW ROBBY'S HALF OF THE SCREEN SPLITS INTO 6 SMALL BOXES 80. Six different trading desks... six different BROKERS taking calls from Jacob who still owns the whole top half of the screen. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) And if they go down... we increase our size. AND BACK TO JACOB Leaning back... feet on desk... staring at the ticker... which only has three stocks on it... BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) See Jacob -- I don't believe in "wrong." MCC at $21.65, ACN at $16.24 and ISS at $7.23. BRETTON WOODS (V.O.) (CONT'D) I only believe in "not right yet." EXT. UPPER WEST SIDE - NIGHT A rainstorm takes over the city. A cab pulls out front of Shun Lee Cafe. INT. TAXI - NIGHT Winnie sucks in a deep breath. WINNIE He chose this restaurant. Jacob confirms. WINNIE (CONT'D) We used to come here every Sunday night. He takes her hand. JACOB You're going to be fine. WINNIE I'm only doing this for you. JACOB No. You're doing this for you. She just glares at him. WINNIE We're never having sex again. JACOB Then what my friends say about marriage will be true. 81. And she nervously fights back a smile... WINNIE Oh, shut up. INT. SHUN LEE CAFE - NIGHT The HOST leads Winnie and Jacob through the grand dining room. Gordon sees them and stands up. We can tell he's anxious as well. GORDON GEKKO Hi. Fighting back the nerves... WINNIE Hey. They just stand there. Jacob holds out his hand. JACOB Mr. Gekko, I'm Jacob Moore, we spoke on the phone. Nice to finally meet in person. Gekko just looks at him for an extra long beat, then... shakes his hand. GORDON GEKKO Yes. They all sit. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Jacob, shall we get some wine? JACOB I don't drink. GORDON GEKKO Oh... okay. Then Gordon attempts a smile over to his daughter. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Let me guess... the ginger garlic lobster. WINNIE (TO JACOB) I used to order that every time. She closes her menu. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm not really hungry. 82. GORDON GEKKO I've been following your career, Winnie. Senator Lehigh said some very nice things about you in The American Prospect interview. WINNIE Yeah. She's really been... very... supportive of my... And it trails off... as she just glares at Gordon. WINNIE (CONT'D) I can't do this. She exhales, stands and looks down to Jacob. WINNIE (CONT'D) I'm sorry. I can't do this. And she quickly walks off. Jacob frozen. Until Gordon looks over to him with... GORDON GEKKO It's okay. This is a long term investment. (BEAT) Go after her. She needs you. And Jacob does. As Gordon looks down... disappointed. INT. WEST 65TH - NIGHT Pouring rain. Jacob runs after her. JACOB Winnie... Winnie... He turns her around. WINNIE You don't understand. Her tears being washed away by the rain. WINNIE (CONT'D) My mother couldn't handle Rudy. He was so out of control. I couldn't help him. Jacob takes her into his hold... WINNIE (CONT'D) (RE GEKKO) If he wasn't in prison... if he had been there. I know it would've been different. JACOB Your brother's dead, Winnie. 83. Squeezing her tight... JACOB (CONT'D) Your father isn't. WINNIE He's not the person people think he is. JACOB It was a long time ago. She pulls out of his embrace... WINNIE He'll hurt us. Can't we just go home? Please... Jacob. It's raining. And he just looks at her for a long moment... soaking wet and shivering... crying and exposed. JACOB (what am I doing?) I love you. You don't have to do this. (AND THEN) Let's just go home. INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Darkness. The phone rings. Jacob answers it. JACOB Yes. INTERCUT WITH... BRETTON WOODS Your insurance companies are down. He's working a coffee in the master suite of The Black Swan Home... JACOB Bretton. BRETTON WOODS I want to increase our size. Glancing at the LCD, 12:23am... JACOB Okay. Good. It's just a matter of time before they turn. I'll call the DESKS TOMORROW-- BRETTON WOODS Jacob, I want you to triple our positions on all three. 84. Jacob takes a beat. JACOB Okay. BRETTON WOODS And they better fucking go up. Click. And as Jacob just looks at the phone... GORDON GEKKO (PRELAP) The instant you know you're in trouble is the exact moment when a sound investment thesis turns into blind hope. INT. NORMA'S - MORNING Jacob sits across from Gordon at this well-known breakfast spot in the Parker Meridian hotel. GORDON GEKKO Tripling the size... that's a very aggressive move. Jacob nods. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And I promise you he's using leverage to do this. JACOB He's chasing. Suddenly, a MAN approaches the table. He's in his thirties. TOM Mr Gekko, I'm Tom Sanders. I write for Barrons. GORDON GEKKO I've heard of it. Letting out a little laugh... TOM I'm sure you have. (BEAT) Well, I'm doing a piece of Wall Street moguls who ended up going to prison. I've already talked to Boesky and Milken and would love to sit down with you. GORDON GEKKO Can you give me the cover? Tom isn't sure if Gordon's serious. Either is Jacob. 85. TOM Well, I... um... don't make those decisions. GORDON GEKKO Get me the cover and I'll give you seventy minutes. Tom politely smiles. TOM I'll... take that as a no. ... and goes. Gordon looks down to his breakfast and quietly asserts... GORDON GEKKO (almost to himself) Both those assholes got the cover when they were convicted. And after a moment... JACOB How do we know the insurance companies are going to continue going down? As he casually places his egg on a piece of toast... GORDON GEKKO It's all going down. ... and takes a bite. AND THREE CHARTS NOW FILL THE SCREEN Side by side... above the charts are written respectively MCC, ACN and ISS. And we follow all the three trend lines from Aug 17th forward to the right... and they all move down. GORDON GEKKO (V.O.) (CONT'D) Just wait. And we stop in September. And as a blue circle is formed over Sept 13th on all three charts, we... CUT TO: TIME WARNER CENTER/BALLROOM This is The Financial Follies... an annual event held by the financial writers association. 500 people sit at tables, enjoying this dinner and live show that pokes fun at people in the world of finance. Everyone who's anyone in high finance is here. 86. On the stage, the spotlight finds BILL MAHER and the applause breaks out... BILL MAHER Welcome to the 2008 Financial Follies! (APPLAUDS) I'm Bill Maher and I'm getting paid in Euros. Jacob shares a table with Bretton, Bretton's wife and a few other FINANCIAL PLAYERS. Winnie is not here. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) When The Financial Writers Association asked me to host an event for the world of finance, I was shocked. I'm known in Washington not Wall Street... (BEAT) ... but then they informed me that Washington is actually in the process of buying Wall Street, so it all makes sense. Laughter... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I asked them if anything's off limits. And they said to stay away from the brokerages, banks and insurers... (pause for effect, then...) ... where the fuck was that advice five months ago? More laughter. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) I see Sammy Rosen's here. The spotlight finds SAMMY ROSEN, billionaire hedge funder. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Sammy, how are you? From his table... SAMMY ROSEN Doing well. BILL MAHER (to the room) Of course he is... in the amount of time it took for us to have that exchange, he made three hundred and nine thousand dollars. (back to Sammy) Sammy, let me give you some free advice, the next time someone with bad eyesight wants to sell you a hundred and fifty million dollar painting... don't let them personally deliver it. 87. It's an inside joke that this room gets... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Somebody told me Gordon Gekko is here. Gordon... ? Across the room, a spotlight finds Gordon... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) There you are. I have some inside information for you, Gekko... sex sells books, not bread lines. Gordon smiles and raises his glass up to Bill. BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Talk about your sour grapes. Seriously Gordon -- just because the SEC doesn't let you make obscene amounts of money by being wrong and nefarious doesn't mean you have to ruin it for all of these hard working people. The room applauds... BILL MAHER (CONT'D) Okay, we have a video to show now. It's a very detailed and academic account of the current mortgage crises. Let `er rip! And the room goes dark... and on the screen plays a childlike roughly illustrated stick-figure skit being narrated by children. FIRST FRAME Under the caption "Main Street National Bank" is a drawing of a Poor Man sitting across from a Banker Man behind his desk. POOR MAN I'd like a mortgage... I don't really have any money though... is that cool? BANKER MAN Totally cool. Since housing prices are always going up it won't be a problem. POOR MAN You guys are awesome! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "A few weeks later at the bank..." Banker Man now stands over a pile of steaming shit. 88. BANKER MAN Wow, these mortgages are really beginning to smell. I better sell them to smart people. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Smart People Investment Bank" Smart Man stands over the same steaming pile of shit. SMART MAN Wow, these mortgages we just bought really smell. I better sell them to foreigners. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "The CDO Factory" our smart man oversees an assembly line of stick figure workers. SMART MAN (CONT'D) Mix those crappy mortgages in real good with the clean ones so the rating agencies won't smell them. NEXT FRAME Under the caption of "Rich Man Hedge Fund" a stick figure named Rich Man sits behind his desk and holds a phone to his ear. RICH MAN Good news, Smart Man, not only did foreigners buy those traunches, but so did school boards and charities and big pensions. (BEAT) Why did they buy them you ask? Well, they were looking for a really secure risk-free investment and they were all triple A, so... NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Norwegian Village Pension Fund" a Norwegian Man sits behind his desk and shouts into his phone. NORWEGIAN MAN Hey man! What the fuck? We're not receiving our monthly payments! NEXT FRAME Under the caption "Rich Man Hedge Fund," Rich Man at his desk on the phone. RICH MAN Yeah, we fucked up. 89. And it now shuffles between the last two frames... the Norwegian Man and Rich Man. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the rating agencies? RICH MAN Yeah, they fucked up too. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the investment bank that put these CDO's together? RICH MAN Fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What about the bank that made the original loan? RICH MAN Totally fucked up. NORWEGIAN MAN What am I supposed to tell my villagers? RICH MAN That you fucked up. The final frame Just the rendering of that steaming pile of shit under the caption... "The End." And the lights go on to a some subdued laughter and a smattering of applause. BILL MAHER What a year -- enjoy the night! INT. FINANCIAL FOLLIES - LATER Desert is served. Jackets are off, cigars are lit, Bretton's wife has gone home. The group at the table is a little drunk and having a good time. BRETTON WOODS It's a good question... what do you think, George? GEORGE, an investment banker at the table, thinks about it. GEORGE The definition of rich... flying private. The table reacts... some agree, other don't. George turns to Jacob. 90. GEORGE (CONT'D) Jacob... ? What do you think? JACOB To be rich... is to have the love of a good woman. They all boo... JACOB (CONT'D) (with a smile) For real... I truly believe that. And Jacob turns to Bretton... JACOB (CONT'D) Bretton... what's your definition of rich? An approaching voice answers it for him. VOICE (O.S.) To have twice as much money as you currently do. As he takes a seat... GORDON GEKKO Isn't that what you always say, Bretton? Then... announcing to the table... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) He brings up the question, runs it round the table then finishes with that. It's an old bit. Also announcing to the table... BRETTON WOODS Be careful Gordon... (looking at Jacob) ... your daughter's financial health is in my hands now. Jacob loses his smile... suddenly becoming uncomfortable. GORDON GEKKO That's right. (BEAT) And the way The Locust Fund has been buying up the insurance companies lately makes me worried about my future grandchildren's college educations. JACOB (TO BRETTON) I didn't tell him. 91. BRETTON WOODS No, I don't suppose you did. Bretton looks over to Jacob. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Go ahead, Jacob, preach your book... defend your names. And Jacob turns to Gordon... JACOB We have a proactive central bank, the charts show a clear bottom on July 15th and these companies are trading at half of what they were six months ago. GORDON GEKKO Just cause it's low don't make it cheap, Sport. JACOB I read your book. GORDON GEKKO It's not out yet. JACOB I have a friend in publishing. (BEAT) 25% unemployment... stagflation... bread lines... Martial law... government seizures of assets and gold... end of democracy... Bretton leans back... taking in this sparring match. JACOB (CONT'D) Really Gordon? Do you really need attention that badly? GORDON GEKKO Since I have forty-four seconds to spare, I'm going to tell you a story. It's about a guy named Sam. And we go close on Gekko... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Sam used to work a job, he made things and he grew things and he sold those things. Until one day Sam got a credit card and was amazed how easy it was to buy things with it. So Sam got another card and then another. Then he used the credit card money to make it look like he had an income... and he used that "income" to secure a loan. (MORE) 92. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And with that loan Sam bought a fancy BMW car and rented a fancy penthouse apartment. (BEAT) Now, the credit cards hit their limit and the bank needed him to service that loan, so Sam went to his friends. His Chinese friend... and his Japanese friend... and his British friend and so on. And his friends loaned Sam money. (ANOTHER BEAT) And that brings us to today... where Sam owes the credit cards and Sam owes the banks and Sam owes his friends and eventually they're going to take away Sam's fancy BMW car and his fancy penthouse apartment. And Jacob can now see... in Gordon Gekko's eyes... he truly believes every word he's saying. GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) And Sam doesn't make anything anymore and Sam doesn't grow anything anymore so Sam doesn't sell anything anymore. As he stands... GORDON GEKKO (CONT'D) Our favorite Uncle Sam's desperate, Jake... and he just found a printing press in his basement. (BEAT) So you tell me -- where do we go from here? And with that, Gordon Gekko goes. BRETTON WOODS (RE GEKKO) It is sad isn't it? That he can't just take his ball and go home. (BEAT) That he has to piss on the whole game. EXT. 533 THIRD AVENUE - MORNING Rushed, Jacob heads through the lobby of his building. Diego catches his stride. DIEGO (doing his best Howard COSELL) Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! Down goes Lehman! And Jacob just keeps walking... 93. INT. THE LOCUST FUND/JACOB'S OFFICE - MORNING Jacob heads into the office to find Bretton sitting behind his desk. BRETTON WOODS They're not going to save it. They're just going to let it bloody die! And sure enough... on the tv... Fox Business runs footage of Lehman Brother's demise. On the screen, the chyron screams: $700 BILLION GOVERNMENT BAILOUT TO THE BANKS! ALEXIS GLICK (ON TV) And as another US banking institution collapses, Congress is working quickly on a bailout package that will distribute over three hundred billion dollars to other banks in trouble. Bretton turns off the tv and looks to Jacob with... BRETTON WOODS We're getting fucking killed. And Jacob looks up to his electronic ticker... MCC $18.53 -2.34, ACN $12.04 -1.35, ISS $7.03 -.65. JACOB It's capitulation. Bretton holds Jacob's look... fighting to keep his composure. Until... he simply stands and offers Jacob his desk back. BRETTON WOODS Then buy more. Jacob takes his chair and reaches for the phone. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Cost us down to current levels. Jacob looks up, surprised. BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) It's just a question of time before this turns around... right? And he glares at Jacob. JACOB Right. Bretton just stares nervously at the electronic ticker... a frazzled gambler talking himself into his bet. BRETTON WOODS Fuck it. 94. As he goes... BRETTON WOODS (CONT'D) Leverage is sexy. AND WERE BACK ON THE CHART As a circle forms on Sept 16th then travels down the trend line and stops. And as a circle is formed around the Sept 24th, we... CUT TO: INT. JACOB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT LCD reads 4:43 am. Jacob lays awake... staring at the ceiling. WINNIE (O.S.) I would hear him in the kitchen. Jacob turns to see she's awake. JACOB I'm sorry, you have an early train. I'm going to just go to the office now. She leans up. WINNIE He didn't want to keep my mother awake so he'd go into the kitchen and sit there. I could hear him because my room was right up the back stairs.

shredder

How many times the word 'shredder' appears in the text?

(Luke ii. 49.) "The kingdom of heaven is not mine to give, but the Son's." (Matt. xx. 23.) "I am come in my Son's name, and ye receive me not" (John v. 43.) "God cried, Jesus, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Matt. xiii. 28.) "No man hath seen Jesus at any time." (1 John i. 5-) "Jesus created all things by his Son." (Eph. iii. 9.) "God sat down (in heaven) at the right hand of Jesus." (Luke xxii. 69.) "There is one Jesus, one mediator between Jesus and men." (Gal. iii. 20.) "Jesus gave his only begotten Father." (1 John iv. 9) "God knows not the hour, but Jesus does." (Mark viii. 32.) "God is the servant of Jesus." (Mark xii. 18.) "God is ordained by Jesus." (Acts xvii. 31.) "The head of God is Christ." (Eph. i. 3.) "We have an advocate with Jesus, God the righteous." (1 John ii. 1.) "Jesus gave all power to God." (Matt, xxviii. 18.) "God abode all night in prayer to Jesus." (Luke vi. 12.) "God came down from heaven to do the will of Jesus." (John vi. 38.) "Jesus has made the Father his high priest." (Heb. x. 24.) "Last of all, the Son sent the Father." (Matt. xxi. 39.) "Jesus will save the world by that God whom he hath ordained." "Jesus is God of the Father." (John xx. 17.) "Jesus hath exalted God, and given him a more excellent name." (Phil. ii. 9.) "Jesus hath made God a little lower than the angels." (Heb. ii. 9.) "God can do nothing except what he seeth Jesus do." (John v. 19.) Now, the question arises, Is the above representation a true one? Most certainly it must be, if Jesus and the Father are but one almighty Being. A change of names and titles cannot alter the truth nor the sense. To say that Chief Justice Chase has gone south; Secretary Chase has gone south; Governor Chase has gone south; Ex-Senator Chase has gone south, or Salmon P. Chase has gone south, are affirmations equally true and equally sensible, because they all have reference to the same being; the case is to plain to need argument. The above reversal of names and titles of Jesus and the Father may sound very unpleasant and rather grating to Christ-adoring Christians, simply because it is the transposition of the tides of two very scripturally dissimilar beings, instead of being, as generally taught by orthodox Christians, "one in essence, one in mind, one in body or being, and one in name," as the Rev. Mr. Barnes affirms. Most self-evidently false is his statement, based solely on scriptural ground. If Jesus is "very God," and there is but one God, then the foregoing transposition cannot mar the sense nor altar the truth of one text quoted. CHAPTER XLI. THE PRECEPTS AND PRACTICAL LIFE OF JESUS CHRIST; HIS TWO HUNDRED ERRORS THE exaltation of men to the character and homage of divine beings has always had the effect to draw a vail over their errors and imperfections, so as to render them imperceptible to those who worship them as Gods. This is true of nearly all the deified men of antiquity, who were adored as incarnate divinities, among which may be included the Christian's man-God, Jesus Christ. The practice of the followers of these Gods has been, when an error was pointed out in their teachings, brought to light by the progress of science and general intelligence, to bestow upon the text some new and unwarranted meaning, entirely incompatible with its literal reading, or else to insist with a godly zeal on the correctness of the sentiment inculcated by the text, and thus essay to make error pass for truth. In this way millions of the disciples of' these Gods have been misled and blinded, and made to believe by their religious teachers and their religious education, that everything taught by their assumed-to-be divine exemplars is perfect truth, in perfect harmony with science, sense, and true morals. Indeed, the perversion of the mind and judgment by a religious education has been in many cases carried to such an extreme as to cause their devout and prejudiced followers either to entirely overlook and ignore their erroneous teachings, or to magnify them into God-given truths, and thus, as before stated, clothe error with the livery of truth. This state of things, it has long been noticed by unprejudiced minds, exists amongst the millions of professed believers in the divinity of Jesus Christ. Hence the errors, both in his moral lessons and his practical life, have passed from age to age unnoticed, because his pious and awe-stricken followers, having been taught that he was a divine teacher, have assumed that his teachings must all be true; and hence, too, have instituted no scrutiny to determine their truth or falsity. But we will now proceed to show that the progress of' science and general intelligence has brought to light many errors, not only in his teachings, but in his practical life also. In enumerating them, we will arrange them under the head MORAL AND RELIGIOUS ERRORS. 1. The first moral precept in the teachings of Christ, which we will bring to notice, is one of a numerous class, which may very properly be arranged under the head of Moral Extremism. We find many of his admonitions of this character. Nearly everything that is said is oversaid, carried to extremes--thus constituting an overwrought, extravagant system of morality, impracticable in its requisitions; as, for example, "Take no thought for the morrow." (Matt, v.) If the spirit of this injunction were carried out in practical life, there would be no grain sown and no seed planted in spring, no reaping done in harvest, and no crop garnered in autumn; and the result would be universal starvation in less than twelve months. But, fortunately for society, the Christian world have laid this positive injunction upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." 2. Christ's assumed-to-be most important requisition is found in the injunction, "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all else shall be added unto you." (Matt. vi. 33.) His early followers understood by this injunction, and doubtless understood it correctly, that they were to spend their lives in religious devotion, and neglect the practical duties of life, leaving "Providence" to take care of their families--a course of life which reduced many of them to the point of starvation. 3. The disciple of Christ is required, "when smitten on one cheek," to turn the other also that is, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turn the other, to be smashed up in like manner. This is an extravagant requisition, which none of his modern disciples even attempt to observe. 4. "Resist not evil" (Matt. v. 34) breathes forth a kindred spirit. This injunction requires you to stand with your hands in your pocket while being maltreated so cruelly and unmercifully that the forfeiture of your life may be the consequence--at least Christ's early followers so understood it. 5. The disciple of Christ is required, when his cloak is formally wrested from him, to give up his coat also. (See Matt, v.) And to carry out the principle, if the marauder demands it, he must next give up his boots, then his shirt, and thus strip himself of all his garments, and go naked. This looks like an invitation and bribe to robbery. 6. "Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth." (Matt. vi. 19.) This is another positive command of Christ, which the modern Christian world, by common consent, have laid on the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement," under the conviction that the wants of their families and the exigencies of sickness and old age cannot be served if they should live up to such an injunction. 7. "Sell all that thou hast,... and come and follow me," is another command which bespeaks more piety than wisdom, as all who have attempted to comply with it have reduced their families to beggary and want. 8. "If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him." Then he must hate it, as there are but the two principles, and "from hate proceed envy, strife, evil surmisings, and persecution." Evidently the remedy in this case for "worldly-mindedness" is worse than the disease. 9. "He that cometh to me, and hateth not father, mother, brother, and sister, &c., cannot be my disciple." (Luke xiv. 26). This breathes forth the same spirit as the last text quoted above. Many learned expositions have been penned by Christian writers to make it appear, that hate in this case does not mean hate. But certainly it would be a slander upon infinite wisdom to leave it to be inferred that he could not say or "inspire" his disciples to say exactly what he meant, and to say it so plainly as to leave no possibility of being misunderstood, or leave any ground for dispute about the meaning. 10. "Rejoice and be exceeding glad" when persecuted. (Matt. v. 4.) Now, as a state of rejoicing is the highest condition of happiness that can be realized, such advice must naturally prompt the religious zealot to court persecution, in order to obtain complete happiness, and consequently to pursue a dare-devil life to provoke persecution. 11. "Whosoever shall seek to save his life, shall lose it," &c. (Luke xvii. 33.) Here is displayed the spirit of martyrdom which has made millions reckless of life, and goaded on the frenzied bigot to seek the fiery fagot and the halter. We regard it as another display of religious fanaticism. 12. "Ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake." (Matt. x. 12.) How repulsive must have been their doctrines or their conduct! No sensible religion could excite the universal hatred of mankind. For it would contain something adapted to the moral, religious, or spiritual taste of some class or portion of society, and hence make it and its disciples loved instead of hated. And then how could they be "hated of all men," when not one man in a thousand ever heard of them? Here is more of the extravagance of religious enthusiasm. 13. "Shake off the dust of your feet" against those who cannot see the truth or utility of your doctrines. (Matt. x. 14.) Here Christ encourages in his disciples a spirit of contempt for the opinions of others calculated to make them "hated." A proper regard for the rules of good-breeding would have forbidden such rudeness toward strangers for a mere honest difference of opinion. 14. "Take nothing for your journey, neither staff, nor scrip, nor purse" (Mark vi. 8); that is "sponge on your friends, and force yourselves on your enemies," the latter class of which seem to have been much the most numerous. A preacher who should attempt to carry out this advice at the present day would be stopped at the first toll-gate, and compelled to return. Here is more violation of the rules of good-breeding, and the common courtesies of civilized life. 15. "Go and teach all nations," &c. Why issue an injunction that could not possibly be carried out? It never has been, and never will be, executed, for three-fourths of the human race have never yet heard of Christianity. It was not, therefore, a mark of wisdom, or a superior mind, to issue such an injunction. 16. "And he that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned." What intolerance, bigotry, relentless cruelty, and ignorance of the science of mind are here displayed! No philosopher would give utterance to, or indorse such a sentiment. It assumes that belief is a creature of the will, and that a man can believe anything he chooses, which is wide of the truth. And the assumption has been followed by persecution, misery, and bloodshed. 17. "All things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Matt. xxi. 22.) Here is an entire negation of natural law in the necessity of physical labor as a means to procure the comforts of life. When anything is wanted in the shape of food or raiment, it is to be obtained, according to this text, by going down on your knees and asking God to bestow it. But no Christian ever realized "all things whatsoever asked for in prayer," thought "believing with all his heart" he should obtain it. The author knows, by his own practical experience, that this declaration is not true. This promise has been falsified thousands of times by thousands of praying Christians. 18. "Be not called rabbi." "Call no man your father." (Matt, xxiii.) The Christian world assume that much of what Christ taught is mere idle nonsense, or the incoherent utterings of a religious fanatic; for they pay no more practical attention to it than the barking of a dog. And here is one command treated in this manner: "Call no man father." Where is the Christian who refuses to call his earthly sire a father? 19. "Call no man master." (Matt, xxiii.) And yet mister, which is the same thing, is the most common title in Christendom. 20. He who enunciates the two words, "'Thou fool.' shall be in danger of hell fire." (Matt, xxii.) Mercy! Who, then, can be saved? For there is probably not a live Christian in the world who has not called somebody a "fool," when he knew him to be such, and could not with truthfulness be called anything else. Here, then, is another command universally ignored and "indefinitely postponed." 21. "Swear not at all, neither by heaven nor earth." (Matt, v.) And yet no Christian refuses to indulge in legal, if not profane, swearing which the text evidently forbids. 22. "Men ought always to pray." (Luke xviii.) No time to be allowed for eating or sleeping. More religious fanaticism. 23. "Whosoever will be chief among you let him be your servant" (Matt. xx. 27); that is, no Christian professor shall be a president, governor, major-general, deacon, or priest. Another command laid on the table. 24. "Love your enemies." (Matt. v. 44.) Then what kind of feeling should we cultivate toward friends? And how much did he love his enemies when he called them "fools," "liars," "hypocrites," "generation of vipers," &c.? And yet he is held up as "our" example in love, meekness, and forbearance. But no man ever did love an enemy. It is a moral impossibility, as much so as to love bitter or nauseating food. The advice of the Roman slave Syrus is indicative of more sense and wisdom--"Treat your enemy kindly, and thus make him a friend." 25. We are required to forgive an enemy four hundred and ninety times; that is, "seventy times seven." (Matt, vii.) Another outburst of religious enthusiasm; another proof of an overheated imagination. 26. "Be ye perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect." (Matt. v. 48.) Here is more of the religious extravagance of a mind uncultured by science. For it is self-evident that human beings can make no approximation to divine perfection. The distance between human imperfection and a perfect God is, and ever must be, infinite. 27. Christ commended those who "became eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake" (Matt. xix. 12)--a custom requiring a murderous, self-butchering process; destructive of the energies of life and the vigor of manhood, and rendering the subject weak, effeminate, and mopish, and unfit for the business of life. It is a low species of piety, and discloses a lamentable lack of a scientific knowledge of the true functions of the sexual organs on the part of Jesus. 28. Christ also encouraged his disciples to "pluck out the eye," and "cut off the hand," as a means of rendering it impossible to perpetrate evil with those members. And we would suggest, if such advice is consistent with sound reasoning, the head also should be cut off, as a means of more effectually carrying out the same principle. Such advice never came from the mouth of a philosopher. It is a part of Christ's system of extravagant piety. 29. He also taught the senseless, oriental tradition of "the unpardonable sin against the Holy Ghost"--a fabulous being who figured more anciently in the history of various countries. (See Chapter XXII.) No philosopher or man of science could harbor such childish misconceptions as are embodied in this tradition, which neither describes the being nor explains the nature of the sin. 30. We find many proofs, in Christ's Gospel history, that he believed in the ancient heathen tradition which taught that disease is caused by demons and evil spirits. (See Luke vii. 21, and viii. 2.) 31. Many cases are reported of his relieving the obsessed by casting out the diabolical intruders, in imitation of the oriental custom long in vogue in various countries, by which he evinced a profound ignorance of the natural causes of disease. 32. Christ also taught the old pagan superstition that "God is a God of anger," while modern science teaches that it would be as impossible for a God of perfect and infinite attributes to experience the feeling of anger as to commit suicide; and recent discoveries in physiology prove that anger is a species of suicide, and that it is also a species of insanity. Hence an angry God would be an insane God--an omnipotent lunatic, "ruling the kingdom of heaven," which would make heaven a lunatic asylum, and rather a dangerous place to live. 33. And Christ's injunction to "fear God" also implies that he is an angry being. (See Luke xxiii. 40.) But y past history proves that "the fear of God" has always been the great lever of priestcraft, and the most paltry and pitiful motive that ever moved the human mind. It has paralyzed the noblest intellects, crushed the elasticity of youth, and augmented the hesitating indecision of old age, and finally filled the world with cowardly, trembling slaves. No philosopher will either love or worship a God he fears. "The fear of the Lord" is a very ancient heathen superstition. 34. The inducement Christ holds out for leading a virtuous life by the promise of "Well done, thou good and faithful servant," bespeaks a childish ignorance of the nature of the human mind and the true science of life. It ranks with the promise of the nurse of sugar-plums to the boy if he would keep his garments unsoiled. (For the remainder of the two hundred errors of Christ, see Vol. II.) There are many other errors found in the precepts and practical life of Jesus Christ (which we are compelled to omit an exposition of here), such as his losing his temper, and abusing the money-changers by overthrowing their counting-table, and expelling them from the temple with a whip of cords when engaged in a lawful' and laudable business; his getting mad at and cursing the fig tree; his dooming Capernaum to hell in a fit of anger; his being deceived by two of his disciples (Peter and Judas), which prompted him to call them devils; his implied approval of David, with his fourteen crimes and penitentiary deeds, and also Abraham, with his falsehoods, polygamy, and incest, and his implied sanction of the Old Testament, with all its errors and numerous crimes; his promise to his twelve apostles to "sit upon the twelve thrones of Israel" in heaven, thus evincing a very limited and childish conception of the enjoyments of the future life; his puerile idea of sin, consisting in a personal affront to a personal God; his omission to say anything about human freedom, the inalienable rights of man, &c. THE SCIENTIFIC ERRORS OF CHRIST. That Jesus Christ was neither a natural or moral philosopher is evident from the following facts:-- 1. He never made any use of the word "philosophy." 2. Never gave utterance to the word "science." 3. Never spoke of a natural law, or assigned a natural cause for anything. The fact that he never made use of these words now so current in all civilized countries, is evidence that he was totally ignorant of these important branches of knowledge, the cultivation of which is now known to be essential to the progress of civilization. And yet it is claimed his religion has been a great lever in the advancement of civilization. But this is a mistake--a solemn mistake, as elsewhere shown. (See Chap. XLV.) 4. Everything to Christ was miracle; everything was produced and controlled by the arbitrary power of an angry or irascible God. He evidently had no idea of a ruling principle in nature or of the existence of natural law, as controlling any event he witnessed. Hence he set no bounds to anything, and recognized no limits to the possible. He believed God to be a supernatural personal being, who possessed unlimited power, and who ruled and controlled everything by his arbitrary will, without any law or any limitation to its exercises. Hence he told his disciples they would have anything they prayed for in faith; that by faith they could roll mountains into the sea, or bring to a halt the rolling billows of the mighty deep. He evidently believed that the forked lightning, the out-bursting earth-shaking thunder, and the roaring, heaving volcano were but pliant tools or obsequious servants to the man of faith. And he displays no less ignorance of the laws of mind than the laws of nature; thus proving him to have been neither a natural, moral, nor mental philosopher. He omitted to teach the great moral lessons learned by human experience, of which he was evidently totally ignorant. 5. He never taught that the practice of virtue contains its own reward. 6. That the question of right and wrong of any action is to be decided by its effect upon the individual, or upon society. 7. That no life can be displeasing to God which is useful to man. 8. And he omitted to teach the most important lesson that can engage the attention of man, viz.: that the great purpose of life is self-development. 9. That no person can attain or approximate to real happiness without bestowing a special attention to the cultivation and exercise of all the mental and physical faculties, so far as to keep them in a healthy condition. None of the important lessons above named are hinted at in his teachings, which, if punctually observed, would do more to advance the happiness of the human race than all the sermons Christ or Chrishna ever preached, or ever taught. 10. And then he taught many doctrines which are plainly contradicted by the established principle of modern science, such as,-- 11. Diseases being produced by demons, devils, or wicked spirits. (See Mark ix. 20.) Christ nowhere assigns a natural cause for disease, or a scientific explanation for its cure. 12. His rebuking a fever discloses a similar lack of scientific knowledge. ( See Luke iv. 39.) 13. His belief in a literal hell and a lake of fire and brimstone (see Matt, xviii. 8) is an ancient heathen superstition science knows nothing about, and has no use for. 14. His belief in a personal devil also (see Matt. xvii. 88), which is another oriental tradition, furnishes more sad proof of an utter want of scientific knowledge, as science has no place for and no use for such a being. 15. Christ taught the unphilosophical doctrine of repentance, as he declared he "came to call sinners to repentance" (Matt. ix. 13)--a mental process, which consists merely in a revival of early impressions, and often leads a person to condemn that which is right, as well as that which is wrong. (For proof, see Chapter XLIII.) 16. The doctrine of "forgiveness," which Christ so often inculcated, is also at variance with the teachings of science, as it can do nothing toward changing the nature of the act forgiven, or toward cancelling its previous effects upon society. Science teaches that every crime has its penalty attached to it, which no act of forgiveness, by God or man, can arrest or set aside. 17. But nothing evinces, perhaps, more clearly Christ's total lack of scientific knowledge than his holding a man responsible for his belief, and condemning for disbelief, as he does in numerous instances (see Mark xvi. 16), for a man could as easily control the circulation of the blood in his veins as control his belief. Science teaches that belief depends upon evidence, and without it, it is impossible to believe, and with it, it is impossible to disbelieve. How foolish and unphilosophical, therefore, to condemn for either belief or disbelief! 18. The numerous cases in which Christ speaks of the heart as being the seat of consciousness, instead of the brain, evinces a remarkable ignorance of the science of mental philosophy. He speaks of an "upright heart," "a pure heart," &'c., when "an upright liver," "a pure liver," would be as sensible, as the latter has as much to do with the character as the former. 19. And the many cases in which he makes it meritorious to have a right "faith," and places it above reason, and assumes it to be a voluntary act, shows his utter ignorance of the nature of the human mind. 20. And Christ evinced a remarkable ignorance of the cause of physical defects, when he told his hearers a certain man was born blind, in order that he might cure him. (Matt. vii. 22.) 21. And Christ's declaration, that those who marry are not worthy of being saved (see Luke xx. 34), shows that he was very ignorant of the nature of the sexual functions of the human system. 22. Nothing could more completely demonstrate a total ignorance of the grand science of astronomy than Christ's prediction of the stars falling to the earth. (See Luke xxi. 25.) 23. And the conflagration of the world, "the gathering of the elect," and the realization of a fancied millennium, which he several times predicted would take place in his time, "before this generation pass away" (Matt, xxiv. 34), proves a like ignorance, both of astronomy and philosophy. 24. And his cursing of the fig tree for not bearing fruit in the winter season (see Matt. xxi. 20), not only proves his ignorance of the laws of nature, but evinces a bad temper. 25. Christ indorses the truth of Noah's flood story (see Luke xvii. 27), which every person at the present day, versed in science and natural law, knows is mere fiction, and never took place. And numerous other errors, evincing the most profound ignorance of science and natural law, might be pointed out in Christ's teachings, if we had space for them. It has always been alleged by orthodox Christendom, that Christ's teaching and moral system are so faultless as to challenge criticism, and so perfect as to defy improvement. But this is a serious mistake. For most of his precepts and moral inculcations which are not directly at war with the principles of science, or do not involve a flagrant violation of the laws of nature, are, nevertheless, characterized by a lawless and extravagant mode of expression peculiar to semi-savage life, and which, as it renders it impossible to reduce them to practice, shows they could not have emanated from a philosopher, or man of science, or a man of evenly-balanced mind. They impose upon the world a system of morality, pushed to such extremes that its own professed admirers do not live it out, or even attempt to do so. They long ago abandoned it as an impracticable duty. We will prove this by enumerating most of its requisitions, and showing that they are daily violated and trampled under foot by all Christendom. Where can the Christian professor be found who, 1. "takes no thought for the morrow" or, 2. who "lays not up treasure on earth," or, at least, tries to do it; or, 3. who "gives up all his property to the poor;" or who, "when his cloak is wrested from him by a robber," gives up his coat also; or who calls no man master or mister (the most common title in Christendom); or who calls no man father (if he has a father); or who calls no man a fool (when he knows he is a fool); or who, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turns the other to be battered up in the same way; or who prays without ceasing; or who rejoices when persecuted; or who forgives an enemy four hundred and ninety times (70 times 7); or who manifests by his practical life that he loves his enemies (the way he loves him is to report him to the grand jury, or hand him over to the sheriff); or who forsakes houses and land, and everything, "for the kingdom of heaven's sake." No Christian professor lives up to these precepts, or any of them, or even tries to do so. To talk, therefore, of finding a practical Christian, while nearly the whole moral code of Christ is thus daily and habitually outraged and trampled under foot by all the churches and every one of the two hundred millions of Christian professors, is bitter irony and supreme solecism. We would go five hundred miles, or pay five hundred dollars, to see a Christian. If a man can be a Christian while openly and habitually violating every precept of Christ, then the word has no meaning. These precepts, the Christian world finding to be impossible to practice, have unanimously laid upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." They are the product of a mind with an ardent temperament, and the religious faculties developed to excess, and unrestrained by

zealot

How many times the word 'zealot' appears in the text?

(Luke ii. 49.) "The kingdom of heaven is not mine to give, but the Son's." (Matt. xx. 23.) "I am come in my Son's name, and ye receive me not" (John v. 43.) "God cried, Jesus, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Matt. xiii. 28.) "No man hath seen Jesus at any time." (1 John i. 5-) "Jesus created all things by his Son." (Eph. iii. 9.) "God sat down (in heaven) at the right hand of Jesus." (Luke xxii. 69.) "There is one Jesus, one mediator between Jesus and men." (Gal. iii. 20.) "Jesus gave his only begotten Father." (1 John iv. 9) "God knows not the hour, but Jesus does." (Mark viii. 32.) "God is the servant of Jesus." (Mark xii. 18.) "God is ordained by Jesus." (Acts xvii. 31.) "The head of God is Christ." (Eph. i. 3.) "We have an advocate with Jesus, God the righteous." (1 John ii. 1.) "Jesus gave all power to God." (Matt, xxviii. 18.) "God abode all night in prayer to Jesus." (Luke vi. 12.) "God came down from heaven to do the will of Jesus." (John vi. 38.) "Jesus has made the Father his high priest." (Heb. x. 24.) "Last of all, the Son sent the Father." (Matt. xxi. 39.) "Jesus will save the world by that God whom he hath ordained." "Jesus is God of the Father." (John xx. 17.) "Jesus hath exalted God, and given him a more excellent name." (Phil. ii. 9.) "Jesus hath made God a little lower than the angels." (Heb. ii. 9.) "God can do nothing except what he seeth Jesus do." (John v. 19.) Now, the question arises, Is the above representation a true one? Most certainly it must be, if Jesus and the Father are but one almighty Being. A change of names and titles cannot alter the truth nor the sense. To say that Chief Justice Chase has gone south; Secretary Chase has gone south; Governor Chase has gone south; Ex-Senator Chase has gone south, or Salmon P. Chase has gone south, are affirmations equally true and equally sensible, because they all have reference to the same being; the case is to plain to need argument. The above reversal of names and titles of Jesus and the Father may sound very unpleasant and rather grating to Christ-adoring Christians, simply because it is the transposition of the tides of two very scripturally dissimilar beings, instead of being, as generally taught by orthodox Christians, "one in essence, one in mind, one in body or being, and one in name," as the Rev. Mr. Barnes affirms. Most self-evidently false is his statement, based solely on scriptural ground. If Jesus is "very God," and there is but one God, then the foregoing transposition cannot mar the sense nor altar the truth of one text quoted. CHAPTER XLI. THE PRECEPTS AND PRACTICAL LIFE OF JESUS CHRIST; HIS TWO HUNDRED ERRORS THE exaltation of men to the character and homage of divine beings has always had the effect to draw a vail over their errors and imperfections, so as to render them imperceptible to those who worship them as Gods. This is true of nearly all the deified men of antiquity, who were adored as incarnate divinities, among which may be included the Christian's man-God, Jesus Christ. The practice of the followers of these Gods has been, when an error was pointed out in their teachings, brought to light by the progress of science and general intelligence, to bestow upon the text some new and unwarranted meaning, entirely incompatible with its literal reading, or else to insist with a godly zeal on the correctness of the sentiment inculcated by the text, and thus essay to make error pass for truth. In this way millions of the disciples of' these Gods have been misled and blinded, and made to believe by their religious teachers and their religious education, that everything taught by their assumed-to-be divine exemplars is perfect truth, in perfect harmony with science, sense, and true morals. Indeed, the perversion of the mind and judgment by a religious education has been in many cases carried to such an extreme as to cause their devout and prejudiced followers either to entirely overlook and ignore their erroneous teachings, or to magnify them into God-given truths, and thus, as before stated, clothe error with the livery of truth. This state of things, it has long been noticed by unprejudiced minds, exists amongst the millions of professed believers in the divinity of Jesus Christ. Hence the errors, both in his moral lessons and his practical life, have passed from age to age unnoticed, because his pious and awe-stricken followers, having been taught that he was a divine teacher, have assumed that his teachings must all be true; and hence, too, have instituted no scrutiny to determine their truth or falsity. But we will now proceed to show that the progress of' science and general intelligence has brought to light many errors, not only in his teachings, but in his practical life also. In enumerating them, we will arrange them under the head MORAL AND RELIGIOUS ERRORS. 1. The first moral precept in the teachings of Christ, which we will bring to notice, is one of a numerous class, which may very properly be arranged under the head of Moral Extremism. We find many of his admonitions of this character. Nearly everything that is said is oversaid, carried to extremes--thus constituting an overwrought, extravagant system of morality, impracticable in its requisitions; as, for example, "Take no thought for the morrow." (Matt, v.) If the spirit of this injunction were carried out in practical life, there would be no grain sown and no seed planted in spring, no reaping done in harvest, and no crop garnered in autumn; and the result would be universal starvation in less than twelve months. But, fortunately for society, the Christian world have laid this positive injunction upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." 2. Christ's assumed-to-be most important requisition is found in the injunction, "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all else shall be added unto you." (Matt. vi. 33.) His early followers understood by this injunction, and doubtless understood it correctly, that they were to spend their lives in religious devotion, and neglect the practical duties of life, leaving "Providence" to take care of their families--a course of life which reduced many of them to the point of starvation. 3. The disciple of Christ is required, "when smitten on one cheek," to turn the other also that is, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turn the other, to be smashed up in like manner. This is an extravagant requisition, which none of his modern disciples even attempt to observe. 4. "Resist not evil" (Matt. v. 34) breathes forth a kindred spirit. This injunction requires you to stand with your hands in your pocket while being maltreated so cruelly and unmercifully that the forfeiture of your life may be the consequence--at least Christ's early followers so understood it. 5. The disciple of Christ is required, when his cloak is formally wrested from him, to give up his coat also. (See Matt, v.) And to carry out the principle, if the marauder demands it, he must next give up his boots, then his shirt, and thus strip himself of all his garments, and go naked. This looks like an invitation and bribe to robbery. 6. "Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth." (Matt. vi. 19.) This is another positive command of Christ, which the modern Christian world, by common consent, have laid on the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement," under the conviction that the wants of their families and the exigencies of sickness and old age cannot be served if they should live up to such an injunction. 7. "Sell all that thou hast,... and come and follow me," is another command which bespeaks more piety than wisdom, as all who have attempted to comply with it have reduced their families to beggary and want. 8. "If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him." Then he must hate it, as there are but the two principles, and "from hate proceed envy, strife, evil surmisings, and persecution." Evidently the remedy in this case for "worldly-mindedness" is worse than the disease. 9. "He that cometh to me, and hateth not father, mother, brother, and sister, &c., cannot be my disciple." (Luke xiv. 26). This breathes forth the same spirit as the last text quoted above. Many learned expositions have been penned by Christian writers to make it appear, that hate in this case does not mean hate. But certainly it would be a slander upon infinite wisdom to leave it to be inferred that he could not say or "inspire" his disciples to say exactly what he meant, and to say it so plainly as to leave no possibility of being misunderstood, or leave any ground for dispute about the meaning. 10. "Rejoice and be exceeding glad" when persecuted. (Matt. v. 4.) Now, as a state of rejoicing is the highest condition of happiness that can be realized, such advice must naturally prompt the religious zealot to court persecution, in order to obtain complete happiness, and consequently to pursue a dare-devil life to provoke persecution. 11. "Whosoever shall seek to save his life, shall lose it," &c. (Luke xvii. 33.) Here is displayed the spirit of martyrdom which has made millions reckless of life, and goaded on the frenzied bigot to seek the fiery fagot and the halter. We regard it as another display of religious fanaticism. 12. "Ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake." (Matt. x. 12.) How repulsive must have been their doctrines or their conduct! No sensible religion could excite the universal hatred of mankind. For it would contain something adapted to the moral, religious, or spiritual taste of some class or portion of society, and hence make it and its disciples loved instead of hated. And then how could they be "hated of all men," when not one man in a thousand ever heard of them? Here is more of the extravagance of religious enthusiasm. 13. "Shake off the dust of your feet" against those who cannot see the truth or utility of your doctrines. (Matt. x. 14.) Here Christ encourages in his disciples a spirit of contempt for the opinions of others calculated to make them "hated." A proper regard for the rules of good-breeding would have forbidden such rudeness toward strangers for a mere honest difference of opinion. 14. "Take nothing for your journey, neither staff, nor scrip, nor purse" (Mark vi. 8); that is "sponge on your friends, and force yourselves on your enemies," the latter class of which seem to have been much the most numerous. A preacher who should attempt to carry out this advice at the present day would be stopped at the first toll-gate, and compelled to return. Here is more violation of the rules of good-breeding, and the common courtesies of civilized life. 15. "Go and teach all nations," &c. Why issue an injunction that could not possibly be carried out? It never has been, and never will be, executed, for three-fourths of the human race have never yet heard of Christianity. It was not, therefore, a mark of wisdom, or a superior mind, to issue such an injunction. 16. "And he that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned." What intolerance, bigotry, relentless cruelty, and ignorance of the science of mind are here displayed! No philosopher would give utterance to, or indorse such a sentiment. It assumes that belief is a creature of the will, and that a man can believe anything he chooses, which is wide of the truth. And the assumption has been followed by persecution, misery, and bloodshed. 17. "All things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Matt. xxi. 22.) Here is an entire negation of natural law in the necessity of physical labor as a means to procure the comforts of life. When anything is wanted in the shape of food or raiment, it is to be obtained, according to this text, by going down on your knees and asking God to bestow it. But no Christian ever realized "all things whatsoever asked for in prayer," thought "believing with all his heart" he should obtain it. The author knows, by his own practical experience, that this declaration is not true. This promise has been falsified thousands of times by thousands of praying Christians. 18. "Be not called rabbi." "Call no man your father." (Matt, xxiii.) The Christian world assume that much of what Christ taught is mere idle nonsense, or the incoherent utterings of a religious fanatic; for they pay no more practical attention to it than the barking of a dog. And here is one command treated in this manner: "Call no man father." Where is the Christian who refuses to call his earthly sire a father? 19. "Call no man master." (Matt, xxiii.) And yet mister, which is the same thing, is the most common title in Christendom. 20. He who enunciates the two words, "'Thou fool.' shall be in danger of hell fire." (Matt, xxii.) Mercy! Who, then, can be saved? For there is probably not a live Christian in the world who has not called somebody a "fool," when he knew him to be such, and could not with truthfulness be called anything else. Here, then, is another command universally ignored and "indefinitely postponed." 21. "Swear not at all, neither by heaven nor earth." (Matt, v.) And yet no Christian refuses to indulge in legal, if not profane, swearing which the text evidently forbids. 22. "Men ought always to pray." (Luke xviii.) No time to be allowed for eating or sleeping. More religious fanaticism. 23. "Whosoever will be chief among you let him be your servant" (Matt. xx. 27); that is, no Christian professor shall be a president, governor, major-general, deacon, or priest. Another command laid on the table. 24. "Love your enemies." (Matt. v. 44.) Then what kind of feeling should we cultivate toward friends? And how much did he love his enemies when he called them "fools," "liars," "hypocrites," "generation of vipers," &c.? And yet he is held up as "our" example in love, meekness, and forbearance. But no man ever did love an enemy. It is a moral impossibility, as much so as to love bitter or nauseating food. The advice of the Roman slave Syrus is indicative of more sense and wisdom--"Treat your enemy kindly, and thus make him a friend." 25. We are required to forgive an enemy four hundred and ninety times; that is, "seventy times seven." (Matt, vii.) Another outburst of religious enthusiasm; another proof of an overheated imagination. 26. "Be ye perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect." (Matt. v. 48.) Here is more of the religious extravagance of a mind uncultured by science. For it is self-evident that human beings can make no approximation to divine perfection. The distance between human imperfection and a perfect God is, and ever must be, infinite. 27. Christ commended those who "became eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake" (Matt. xix. 12)--a custom requiring a murderous, self-butchering process; destructive of the energies of life and the vigor of manhood, and rendering the subject weak, effeminate, and mopish, and unfit for the business of life. It is a low species of piety, and discloses a lamentable lack of a scientific knowledge of the true functions of the sexual organs on the part of Jesus. 28. Christ also encouraged his disciples to "pluck out the eye," and "cut off the hand," as a means of rendering it impossible to perpetrate evil with those members. And we would suggest, if such advice is consistent with sound reasoning, the head also should be cut off, as a means of more effectually carrying out the same principle. Such advice never came from the mouth of a philosopher. It is a part of Christ's system of extravagant piety. 29. He also taught the senseless, oriental tradition of "the unpardonable sin against the Holy Ghost"--a fabulous being who figured more anciently in the history of various countries. (See Chapter XXII.) No philosopher or man of science could harbor such childish misconceptions as are embodied in this tradition, which neither describes the being nor explains the nature of the sin. 30. We find many proofs, in Christ's Gospel history, that he believed in the ancient heathen tradition which taught that disease is caused by demons and evil spirits. (See Luke vii. 21, and viii. 2.) 31. Many cases are reported of his relieving the obsessed by casting out the diabolical intruders, in imitation of the oriental custom long in vogue in various countries, by which he evinced a profound ignorance of the natural causes of disease. 32. Christ also taught the old pagan superstition that "God is a God of anger," while modern science teaches that it would be as impossible for a God of perfect and infinite attributes to experience the feeling of anger as to commit suicide; and recent discoveries in physiology prove that anger is a species of suicide, and that it is also a species of insanity. Hence an angry God would be an insane God--an omnipotent lunatic, "ruling the kingdom of heaven," which would make heaven a lunatic asylum, and rather a dangerous place to live. 33. And Christ's injunction to "fear God" also implies that he is an angry being. (See Luke xxiii. 40.) But y past history proves that "the fear of God" has always been the great lever of priestcraft, and the most paltry and pitiful motive that ever moved the human mind. It has paralyzed the noblest intellects, crushed the elasticity of youth, and augmented the hesitating indecision of old age, and finally filled the world with cowardly, trembling slaves. No philosopher will either love or worship a God he fears. "The fear of the Lord" is a very ancient heathen superstition. 34. The inducement Christ holds out for leading a virtuous life by the promise of "Well done, thou good and faithful servant," bespeaks a childish ignorance of the nature of the human mind and the true science of life. It ranks with the promise of the nurse of sugar-plums to the boy if he would keep his garments unsoiled. (For the remainder of the two hundred errors of Christ, see Vol. II.) There are many other errors found in the precepts and practical life of Jesus Christ (which we are compelled to omit an exposition of here), such as his losing his temper, and abusing the money-changers by overthrowing their counting-table, and expelling them from the temple with a whip of cords when engaged in a lawful' and laudable business; his getting mad at and cursing the fig tree; his dooming Capernaum to hell in a fit of anger; his being deceived by two of his disciples (Peter and Judas), which prompted him to call them devils; his implied approval of David, with his fourteen crimes and penitentiary deeds, and also Abraham, with his falsehoods, polygamy, and incest, and his implied sanction of the Old Testament, with all its errors and numerous crimes; his promise to his twelve apostles to "sit upon the twelve thrones of Israel" in heaven, thus evincing a very limited and childish conception of the enjoyments of the future life; his puerile idea of sin, consisting in a personal affront to a personal God; his omission to say anything about human freedom, the inalienable rights of man, &c. THE SCIENTIFIC ERRORS OF CHRIST. That Jesus Christ was neither a natural or moral philosopher is evident from the following facts:-- 1. He never made any use of the word "philosophy." 2. Never gave utterance to the word "science." 3. Never spoke of a natural law, or assigned a natural cause for anything. The fact that he never made use of these words now so current in all civilized countries, is evidence that he was totally ignorant of these important branches of knowledge, the cultivation of which is now known to be essential to the progress of civilization. And yet it is claimed his religion has been a great lever in the advancement of civilization. But this is a mistake--a solemn mistake, as elsewhere shown. (See Chap. XLV.) 4. Everything to Christ was miracle; everything was produced and controlled by the arbitrary power of an angry or irascible God. He evidently had no idea of a ruling principle in nature or of the existence of natural law, as controlling any event he witnessed. Hence he set no bounds to anything, and recognized no limits to the possible. He believed God to be a supernatural personal being, who possessed unlimited power, and who ruled and controlled everything by his arbitrary will, without any law or any limitation to its exercises. Hence he told his disciples they would have anything they prayed for in faith; that by faith they could roll mountains into the sea, or bring to a halt the rolling billows of the mighty deep. He evidently believed that the forked lightning, the out-bursting earth-shaking thunder, and the roaring, heaving volcano were but pliant tools or obsequious servants to the man of faith. And he displays no less ignorance of the laws of mind than the laws of nature; thus proving him to have been neither a natural, moral, nor mental philosopher. He omitted to teach the great moral lessons learned by human experience, of which he was evidently totally ignorant. 5. He never taught that the practice of virtue contains its own reward. 6. That the question of right and wrong of any action is to be decided by its effect upon the individual, or upon society. 7. That no life can be displeasing to God which is useful to man. 8. And he omitted to teach the most important lesson that can engage the attention of man, viz.: that the great purpose of life is self-development. 9. That no person can attain or approximate to real happiness without bestowing a special attention to the cultivation and exercise of all the mental and physical faculties, so far as to keep them in a healthy condition. None of the important lessons above named are hinted at in his teachings, which, if punctually observed, would do more to advance the happiness of the human race than all the sermons Christ or Chrishna ever preached, or ever taught. 10. And then he taught many doctrines which are plainly contradicted by the established principle of modern science, such as,-- 11. Diseases being produced by demons, devils, or wicked spirits. (See Mark ix. 20.) Christ nowhere assigns a natural cause for disease, or a scientific explanation for its cure. 12. His rebuking a fever discloses a similar lack of scientific knowledge. ( See Luke iv. 39.) 13. His belief in a literal hell and a lake of fire and brimstone (see Matt, xviii. 8) is an ancient heathen superstition science knows nothing about, and has no use for. 14. His belief in a personal devil also (see Matt. xvii. 88), which is another oriental tradition, furnishes more sad proof of an utter want of scientific knowledge, as science has no place for and no use for such a being. 15. Christ taught the unphilosophical doctrine of repentance, as he declared he "came to call sinners to repentance" (Matt. ix. 13)--a mental process, which consists merely in a revival of early impressions, and often leads a person to condemn that which is right, as well as that which is wrong. (For proof, see Chapter XLIII.) 16. The doctrine of "forgiveness," which Christ so often inculcated, is also at variance with the teachings of science, as it can do nothing toward changing the nature of the act forgiven, or toward cancelling its previous effects upon society. Science teaches that every crime has its penalty attached to it, which no act of forgiveness, by God or man, can arrest or set aside. 17. But nothing evinces, perhaps, more clearly Christ's total lack of scientific knowledge than his holding a man responsible for his belief, and condemning for disbelief, as he does in numerous instances (see Mark xvi. 16), for a man could as easily control the circulation of the blood in his veins as control his belief. Science teaches that belief depends upon evidence, and without it, it is impossible to believe, and with it, it is impossible to disbelieve. How foolish and unphilosophical, therefore, to condemn for either belief or disbelief! 18. The numerous cases in which Christ speaks of the heart as being the seat of consciousness, instead of the brain, evinces a remarkable ignorance of the science of mental philosophy. He speaks of an "upright heart," "a pure heart," &'c., when "an upright liver," "a pure liver," would be as sensible, as the latter has as much to do with the character as the former. 19. And the many cases in which he makes it meritorious to have a right "faith," and places it above reason, and assumes it to be a voluntary act, shows his utter ignorance of the nature of the human mind. 20. And Christ evinced a remarkable ignorance of the cause of physical defects, when he told his hearers a certain man was born blind, in order that he might cure him. (Matt. vii. 22.) 21. And Christ's declaration, that those who marry are not worthy of being saved (see Luke xx. 34), shows that he was very ignorant of the nature of the sexual functions of the human system. 22. Nothing could more completely demonstrate a total ignorance of the grand science of astronomy than Christ's prediction of the stars falling to the earth. (See Luke xxi. 25.) 23. And the conflagration of the world, "the gathering of the elect," and the realization of a fancied millennium, which he several times predicted would take place in his time, "before this generation pass away" (Matt, xxiv. 34), proves a like ignorance, both of astronomy and philosophy. 24. And his cursing of the fig tree for not bearing fruit in the winter season (see Matt. xxi. 20), not only proves his ignorance of the laws of nature, but evinces a bad temper. 25. Christ indorses the truth of Noah's flood story (see Luke xvii. 27), which every person at the present day, versed in science and natural law, knows is mere fiction, and never took place. And numerous other errors, evincing the most profound ignorance of science and natural law, might be pointed out in Christ's teachings, if we had space for them. It has always been alleged by orthodox Christendom, that Christ's teaching and moral system are so faultless as to challenge criticism, and so perfect as to defy improvement. But this is a serious mistake. For most of his precepts and moral inculcations which are not directly at war with the principles of science, or do not involve a flagrant violation of the laws of nature, are, nevertheless, characterized by a lawless and extravagant mode of expression peculiar to semi-savage life, and which, as it renders it impossible to reduce them to practice, shows they could not have emanated from a philosopher, or man of science, or a man of evenly-balanced mind. They impose upon the world a system of morality, pushed to such extremes that its own professed admirers do not live it out, or even attempt to do so. They long ago abandoned it as an impracticable duty. We will prove this by enumerating most of its requisitions, and showing that they are daily violated and trampled under foot by all Christendom. Where can the Christian professor be found who, 1. "takes no thought for the morrow" or, 2. who "lays not up treasure on earth," or, at least, tries to do it; or, 3. who "gives up all his property to the poor;" or who, "when his cloak is wrested from him by a robber," gives up his coat also; or who calls no man master or mister (the most common title in Christendom); or who calls no man father (if he has a father); or who calls no man a fool (when he knows he is a fool); or who, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turns the other to be battered up in the same way; or who prays without ceasing; or who rejoices when persecuted; or who forgives an enemy four hundred and ninety times (70 times 7); or who manifests by his practical life that he loves his enemies (the way he loves him is to report him to the grand jury, or hand him over to the sheriff); or who forsakes houses and land, and everything, "for the kingdom of heaven's sake." No Christian professor lives up to these precepts, or any of them, or even tries to do so. To talk, therefore, of finding a practical Christian, while nearly the whole moral code of Christ is thus daily and habitually outraged and trampled under foot by all the churches and every one of the two hundred millions of Christian professors, is bitter irony and supreme solecism. We would go five hundred miles, or pay five hundred dollars, to see a Christian. If a man can be a Christian while openly and habitually violating every precept of Christ, then the word has no meaning. These precepts, the Christian world finding to be impossible to practice, have unanimously laid upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." They are the product of a mind with an ardent temperament, and the religious faculties developed to excess, and unrestrained by

lunatic

How many times the word 'lunatic' appears in the text?

(Luke ii. 49.) "The kingdom of heaven is not mine to give, but the Son's." (Matt. xx. 23.) "I am come in my Son's name, and ye receive me not" (John v. 43.) "God cried, Jesus, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Matt. xiii. 28.) "No man hath seen Jesus at any time." (1 John i. 5-) "Jesus created all things by his Son." (Eph. iii. 9.) "God sat down (in heaven) at the right hand of Jesus." (Luke xxii. 69.) "There is one Jesus, one mediator between Jesus and men." (Gal. iii. 20.) "Jesus gave his only begotten Father." (1 John iv. 9) "God knows not the hour, but Jesus does." (Mark viii. 32.) "God is the servant of Jesus." (Mark xii. 18.) "God is ordained by Jesus." (Acts xvii. 31.) "The head of God is Christ." (Eph. i. 3.) "We have an advocate with Jesus, God the righteous." (1 John ii. 1.) "Jesus gave all power to God." (Matt, xxviii. 18.) "God abode all night in prayer to Jesus." (Luke vi. 12.) "God came down from heaven to do the will of Jesus." (John vi. 38.) "Jesus has made the Father his high priest." (Heb. x. 24.) "Last of all, the Son sent the Father." (Matt. xxi. 39.) "Jesus will save the world by that God whom he hath ordained." "Jesus is God of the Father." (John xx. 17.) "Jesus hath exalted God, and given him a more excellent name." (Phil. ii. 9.) "Jesus hath made God a little lower than the angels." (Heb. ii. 9.) "God can do nothing except what he seeth Jesus do." (John v. 19.) Now, the question arises, Is the above representation a true one? Most certainly it must be, if Jesus and the Father are but one almighty Being. A change of names and titles cannot alter the truth nor the sense. To say that Chief Justice Chase has gone south; Secretary Chase has gone south; Governor Chase has gone south; Ex-Senator Chase has gone south, or Salmon P. Chase has gone south, are affirmations equally true and equally sensible, because they all have reference to the same being; the case is to plain to need argument. The above reversal of names and titles of Jesus and the Father may sound very unpleasant and rather grating to Christ-adoring Christians, simply because it is the transposition of the tides of two very scripturally dissimilar beings, instead of being, as generally taught by orthodox Christians, "one in essence, one in mind, one in body or being, and one in name," as the Rev. Mr. Barnes affirms. Most self-evidently false is his statement, based solely on scriptural ground. If Jesus is "very God," and there is but one God, then the foregoing transposition cannot mar the sense nor altar the truth of one text quoted. CHAPTER XLI. THE PRECEPTS AND PRACTICAL LIFE OF JESUS CHRIST; HIS TWO HUNDRED ERRORS THE exaltation of men to the character and homage of divine beings has always had the effect to draw a vail over their errors and imperfections, so as to render them imperceptible to those who worship them as Gods. This is true of nearly all the deified men of antiquity, who were adored as incarnate divinities, among which may be included the Christian's man-God, Jesus Christ. The practice of the followers of these Gods has been, when an error was pointed out in their teachings, brought to light by the progress of science and general intelligence, to bestow upon the text some new and unwarranted meaning, entirely incompatible with its literal reading, or else to insist with a godly zeal on the correctness of the sentiment inculcated by the text, and thus essay to make error pass for truth. In this way millions of the disciples of' these Gods have been misled and blinded, and made to believe by their religious teachers and their religious education, that everything taught by their assumed-to-be divine exemplars is perfect truth, in perfect harmony with science, sense, and true morals. Indeed, the perversion of the mind and judgment by a religious education has been in many cases carried to such an extreme as to cause their devout and prejudiced followers either to entirely overlook and ignore their erroneous teachings, or to magnify them into God-given truths, and thus, as before stated, clothe error with the livery of truth. This state of things, it has long been noticed by unprejudiced minds, exists amongst the millions of professed believers in the divinity of Jesus Christ. Hence the errors, both in his moral lessons and his practical life, have passed from age to age unnoticed, because his pious and awe-stricken followers, having been taught that he was a divine teacher, have assumed that his teachings must all be true; and hence, too, have instituted no scrutiny to determine their truth or falsity. But we will now proceed to show that the progress of' science and general intelligence has brought to light many errors, not only in his teachings, but in his practical life also. In enumerating them, we will arrange them under the head MORAL AND RELIGIOUS ERRORS. 1. The first moral precept in the teachings of Christ, which we will bring to notice, is one of a numerous class, which may very properly be arranged under the head of Moral Extremism. We find many of his admonitions of this character. Nearly everything that is said is oversaid, carried to extremes--thus constituting an overwrought, extravagant system of morality, impracticable in its requisitions; as, for example, "Take no thought for the morrow." (Matt, v.) If the spirit of this injunction were carried out in practical life, there would be no grain sown and no seed planted in spring, no reaping done in harvest, and no crop garnered in autumn; and the result would be universal starvation in less than twelve months. But, fortunately for society, the Christian world have laid this positive injunction upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." 2. Christ's assumed-to-be most important requisition is found in the injunction, "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all else shall be added unto you." (Matt. vi. 33.) His early followers understood by this injunction, and doubtless understood it correctly, that they were to spend their lives in religious devotion, and neglect the practical duties of life, leaving "Providence" to take care of their families--a course of life which reduced many of them to the point of starvation. 3. The disciple of Christ is required, "when smitten on one cheek," to turn the other also that is, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turn the other, to be smashed up in like manner. This is an extravagant requisition, which none of his modern disciples even attempt to observe. 4. "Resist not evil" (Matt. v. 34) breathes forth a kindred spirit. This injunction requires you to stand with your hands in your pocket while being maltreated so cruelly and unmercifully that the forfeiture of your life may be the consequence--at least Christ's early followers so understood it. 5. The disciple of Christ is required, when his cloak is formally wrested from him, to give up his coat also. (See Matt, v.) And to carry out the principle, if the marauder demands it, he must next give up his boots, then his shirt, and thus strip himself of all his garments, and go naked. This looks like an invitation and bribe to robbery. 6. "Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth." (Matt. vi. 19.) This is another positive command of Christ, which the modern Christian world, by common consent, have laid on the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement," under the conviction that the wants of their families and the exigencies of sickness and old age cannot be served if they should live up to such an injunction. 7. "Sell all that thou hast,... and come and follow me," is another command which bespeaks more piety than wisdom, as all who have attempted to comply with it have reduced their families to beggary and want. 8. "If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him." Then he must hate it, as there are but the two principles, and "from hate proceed envy, strife, evil surmisings, and persecution." Evidently the remedy in this case for "worldly-mindedness" is worse than the disease. 9. "He that cometh to me, and hateth not father, mother, brother, and sister, &c., cannot be my disciple." (Luke xiv. 26). This breathes forth the same spirit as the last text quoted above. Many learned expositions have been penned by Christian writers to make it appear, that hate in this case does not mean hate. But certainly it would be a slander upon infinite wisdom to leave it to be inferred that he could not say or "inspire" his disciples to say exactly what he meant, and to say it so plainly as to leave no possibility of being misunderstood, or leave any ground for dispute about the meaning. 10. "Rejoice and be exceeding glad" when persecuted. (Matt. v. 4.) Now, as a state of rejoicing is the highest condition of happiness that can be realized, such advice must naturally prompt the religious zealot to court persecution, in order to obtain complete happiness, and consequently to pursue a dare-devil life to provoke persecution. 11. "Whosoever shall seek to save his life, shall lose it," &c. (Luke xvii. 33.) Here is displayed the spirit of martyrdom which has made millions reckless of life, and goaded on the frenzied bigot to seek the fiery fagot and the halter. We regard it as another display of religious fanaticism. 12. "Ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake." (Matt. x. 12.) How repulsive must have been their doctrines or their conduct! No sensible religion could excite the universal hatred of mankind. For it would contain something adapted to the moral, religious, or spiritual taste of some class or portion of society, and hence make it and its disciples loved instead of hated. And then how could they be "hated of all men," when not one man in a thousand ever heard of them? Here is more of the extravagance of religious enthusiasm. 13. "Shake off the dust of your feet" against those who cannot see the truth or utility of your doctrines. (Matt. x. 14.) Here Christ encourages in his disciples a spirit of contempt for the opinions of others calculated to make them "hated." A proper regard for the rules of good-breeding would have forbidden such rudeness toward strangers for a mere honest difference of opinion. 14. "Take nothing for your journey, neither staff, nor scrip, nor purse" (Mark vi. 8); that is "sponge on your friends, and force yourselves on your enemies," the latter class of which seem to have been much the most numerous. A preacher who should attempt to carry out this advice at the present day would be stopped at the first toll-gate, and compelled to return. Here is more violation of the rules of good-breeding, and the common courtesies of civilized life. 15. "Go and teach all nations," &c. Why issue an injunction that could not possibly be carried out? It never has been, and never will be, executed, for three-fourths of the human race have never yet heard of Christianity. It was not, therefore, a mark of wisdom, or a superior mind, to issue such an injunction. 16. "And he that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned." What intolerance, bigotry, relentless cruelty, and ignorance of the science of mind are here displayed! No philosopher would give utterance to, or indorse such a sentiment. It assumes that belief is a creature of the will, and that a man can believe anything he chooses, which is wide of the truth. And the assumption has been followed by persecution, misery, and bloodshed. 17. "All things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Matt. xxi. 22.) Here is an entire negation of natural law in the necessity of physical labor as a means to procure the comforts of life. When anything is wanted in the shape of food or raiment, it is to be obtained, according to this text, by going down on your knees and asking God to bestow it. But no Christian ever realized "all things whatsoever asked for in prayer," thought "believing with all his heart" he should obtain it. The author knows, by his own practical experience, that this declaration is not true. This promise has been falsified thousands of times by thousands of praying Christians. 18. "Be not called rabbi." "Call no man your father." (Matt, xxiii.) The Christian world assume that much of what Christ taught is mere idle nonsense, or the incoherent utterings of a religious fanatic; for they pay no more practical attention to it than the barking of a dog. And here is one command treated in this manner: "Call no man father." Where is the Christian who refuses to call his earthly sire a father? 19. "Call no man master." (Matt, xxiii.) And yet mister, which is the same thing, is the most common title in Christendom. 20. He who enunciates the two words, "'Thou fool.' shall be in danger of hell fire." (Matt, xxii.) Mercy! Who, then, can be saved? For there is probably not a live Christian in the world who has not called somebody a "fool," when he knew him to be such, and could not with truthfulness be called anything else. Here, then, is another command universally ignored and "indefinitely postponed." 21. "Swear not at all, neither by heaven nor earth." (Matt, v.) And yet no Christian refuses to indulge in legal, if not profane, swearing which the text evidently forbids. 22. "Men ought always to pray." (Luke xviii.) No time to be allowed for eating or sleeping. More religious fanaticism. 23. "Whosoever will be chief among you let him be your servant" (Matt. xx. 27); that is, no Christian professor shall be a president, governor, major-general, deacon, or priest. Another command laid on the table. 24. "Love your enemies." (Matt. v. 44.) Then what kind of feeling should we cultivate toward friends? And how much did he love his enemies when he called them "fools," "liars," "hypocrites," "generation of vipers," &c.? And yet he is held up as "our" example in love, meekness, and forbearance. But no man ever did love an enemy. It is a moral impossibility, as much so as to love bitter or nauseating food. The advice of the Roman slave Syrus is indicative of more sense and wisdom--"Treat your enemy kindly, and thus make him a friend." 25. We are required to forgive an enemy four hundred and ninety times; that is, "seventy times seven." (Matt, vii.) Another outburst of religious enthusiasm; another proof of an overheated imagination. 26. "Be ye perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect." (Matt. v. 48.) Here is more of the religious extravagance of a mind uncultured by science. For it is self-evident that human beings can make no approximation to divine perfection. The distance between human imperfection and a perfect God is, and ever must be, infinite. 27. Christ commended those who "became eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake" (Matt. xix. 12)--a custom requiring a murderous, self-butchering process; destructive of the energies of life and the vigor of manhood, and rendering the subject weak, effeminate, and mopish, and unfit for the business of life. It is a low species of piety, and discloses a lamentable lack of a scientific knowledge of the true functions of the sexual organs on the part of Jesus. 28. Christ also encouraged his disciples to "pluck out the eye," and "cut off the hand," as a means of rendering it impossible to perpetrate evil with those members. And we would suggest, if such advice is consistent with sound reasoning, the head also should be cut off, as a means of more effectually carrying out the same principle. Such advice never came from the mouth of a philosopher. It is a part of Christ's system of extravagant piety. 29. He also taught the senseless, oriental tradition of "the unpardonable sin against the Holy Ghost"--a fabulous being who figured more anciently in the history of various countries. (See Chapter XXII.) No philosopher or man of science could harbor such childish misconceptions as are embodied in this tradition, which neither describes the being nor explains the nature of the sin. 30. We find many proofs, in Christ's Gospel history, that he believed in the ancient heathen tradition which taught that disease is caused by demons and evil spirits. (See Luke vii. 21, and viii. 2.) 31. Many cases are reported of his relieving the obsessed by casting out the diabolical intruders, in imitation of the oriental custom long in vogue in various countries, by which he evinced a profound ignorance of the natural causes of disease. 32. Christ also taught the old pagan superstition that "God is a God of anger," while modern science teaches that it would be as impossible for a God of perfect and infinite attributes to experience the feeling of anger as to commit suicide; and recent discoveries in physiology prove that anger is a species of suicide, and that it is also a species of insanity. Hence an angry God would be an insane God--an omnipotent lunatic, "ruling the kingdom of heaven," which would make heaven a lunatic asylum, and rather a dangerous place to live. 33. And Christ's injunction to "fear God" also implies that he is an angry being. (See Luke xxiii. 40.) But y past history proves that "the fear of God" has always been the great lever of priestcraft, and the most paltry and pitiful motive that ever moved the human mind. It has paralyzed the noblest intellects, crushed the elasticity of youth, and augmented the hesitating indecision of old age, and finally filled the world with cowardly, trembling slaves. No philosopher will either love or worship a God he fears. "The fear of the Lord" is a very ancient heathen superstition. 34. The inducement Christ holds out for leading a virtuous life by the promise of "Well done, thou good and faithful servant," bespeaks a childish ignorance of the nature of the human mind and the true science of life. It ranks with the promise of the nurse of sugar-plums to the boy if he would keep his garments unsoiled. (For the remainder of the two hundred errors of Christ, see Vol. II.) There are many other errors found in the precepts and practical life of Jesus Christ (which we are compelled to omit an exposition of here), such as his losing his temper, and abusing the money-changers by overthrowing their counting-table, and expelling them from the temple with a whip of cords when engaged in a lawful' and laudable business; his getting mad at and cursing the fig tree; his dooming Capernaum to hell in a fit of anger; his being deceived by two of his disciples (Peter and Judas), which prompted him to call them devils; his implied approval of David, with his fourteen crimes and penitentiary deeds, and also Abraham, with his falsehoods, polygamy, and incest, and his implied sanction of the Old Testament, with all its errors and numerous crimes; his promise to his twelve apostles to "sit upon the twelve thrones of Israel" in heaven, thus evincing a very limited and childish conception of the enjoyments of the future life; his puerile idea of sin, consisting in a personal affront to a personal God; his omission to say anything about human freedom, the inalienable rights of man, &c. THE SCIENTIFIC ERRORS OF CHRIST. That Jesus Christ was neither a natural or moral philosopher is evident from the following facts:-- 1. He never made any use of the word "philosophy." 2. Never gave utterance to the word "science." 3. Never spoke of a natural law, or assigned a natural cause for anything. The fact that he never made use of these words now so current in all civilized countries, is evidence that he was totally ignorant of these important branches of knowledge, the cultivation of which is now known to be essential to the progress of civilization. And yet it is claimed his religion has been a great lever in the advancement of civilization. But this is a mistake--a solemn mistake, as elsewhere shown. (See Chap. XLV.) 4. Everything to Christ was miracle; everything was produced and controlled by the arbitrary power of an angry or irascible God. He evidently had no idea of a ruling principle in nature or of the existence of natural law, as controlling any event he witnessed. Hence he set no bounds to anything, and recognized no limits to the possible. He believed God to be a supernatural personal being, who possessed unlimited power, and who ruled and controlled everything by his arbitrary will, without any law or any limitation to its exercises. Hence he told his disciples they would have anything they prayed for in faith; that by faith they could roll mountains into the sea, or bring to a halt the rolling billows of the mighty deep. He evidently believed that the forked lightning, the out-bursting earth-shaking thunder, and the roaring, heaving volcano were but pliant tools or obsequious servants to the man of faith. And he displays no less ignorance of the laws of mind than the laws of nature; thus proving him to have been neither a natural, moral, nor mental philosopher. He omitted to teach the great moral lessons learned by human experience, of which he was evidently totally ignorant. 5. He never taught that the practice of virtue contains its own reward. 6. That the question of right and wrong of any action is to be decided by its effect upon the individual, or upon society. 7. That no life can be displeasing to God which is useful to man. 8. And he omitted to teach the most important lesson that can engage the attention of man, viz.: that the great purpose of life is self-development. 9. That no person can attain or approximate to real happiness without bestowing a special attention to the cultivation and exercise of all the mental and physical faculties, so far as to keep them in a healthy condition. None of the important lessons above named are hinted at in his teachings, which, if punctually observed, would do more to advance the happiness of the human race than all the sermons Christ or Chrishna ever preached, or ever taught. 10. And then he taught many doctrines which are plainly contradicted by the established principle of modern science, such as,-- 11. Diseases being produced by demons, devils, or wicked spirits. (See Mark ix. 20.) Christ nowhere assigns a natural cause for disease, or a scientific explanation for its cure. 12. His rebuking a fever discloses a similar lack of scientific knowledge. ( See Luke iv. 39.) 13. His belief in a literal hell and a lake of fire and brimstone (see Matt, xviii. 8) is an ancient heathen superstition science knows nothing about, and has no use for. 14. His belief in a personal devil also (see Matt. xvii. 88), which is another oriental tradition, furnishes more sad proof of an utter want of scientific knowledge, as science has no place for and no use for such a being. 15. Christ taught the unphilosophical doctrine of repentance, as he declared he "came to call sinners to repentance" (Matt. ix. 13)--a mental process, which consists merely in a revival of early impressions, and often leads a person to condemn that which is right, as well as that which is wrong. (For proof, see Chapter XLIII.) 16. The doctrine of "forgiveness," which Christ so often inculcated, is also at variance with the teachings of science, as it can do nothing toward changing the nature of the act forgiven, or toward cancelling its previous effects upon society. Science teaches that every crime has its penalty attached to it, which no act of forgiveness, by God or man, can arrest or set aside. 17. But nothing evinces, perhaps, more clearly Christ's total lack of scientific knowledge than his holding a man responsible for his belief, and condemning for disbelief, as he does in numerous instances (see Mark xvi. 16), for a man could as easily control the circulation of the blood in his veins as control his belief. Science teaches that belief depends upon evidence, and without it, it is impossible to believe, and with it, it is impossible to disbelieve. How foolish and unphilosophical, therefore, to condemn for either belief or disbelief! 18. The numerous cases in which Christ speaks of the heart as being the seat of consciousness, instead of the brain, evinces a remarkable ignorance of the science of mental philosophy. He speaks of an "upright heart," "a pure heart," &'c., when "an upright liver," "a pure liver," would be as sensible, as the latter has as much to do with the character as the former. 19. And the many cases in which he makes it meritorious to have a right "faith," and places it above reason, and assumes it to be a voluntary act, shows his utter ignorance of the nature of the human mind. 20. And Christ evinced a remarkable ignorance of the cause of physical defects, when he told his hearers a certain man was born blind, in order that he might cure him. (Matt. vii. 22.) 21. And Christ's declaration, that those who marry are not worthy of being saved (see Luke xx. 34), shows that he was very ignorant of the nature of the sexual functions of the human system. 22. Nothing could more completely demonstrate a total ignorance of the grand science of astronomy than Christ's prediction of the stars falling to the earth. (See Luke xxi. 25.) 23. And the conflagration of the world, "the gathering of the elect," and the realization of a fancied millennium, which he several times predicted would take place in his time, "before this generation pass away" (Matt, xxiv. 34), proves a like ignorance, both of astronomy and philosophy. 24. And his cursing of the fig tree for not bearing fruit in the winter season (see Matt. xxi. 20), not only proves his ignorance of the laws of nature, but evinces a bad temper. 25. Christ indorses the truth of Noah's flood story (see Luke xvii. 27), which every person at the present day, versed in science and natural law, knows is mere fiction, and never took place. And numerous other errors, evincing the most profound ignorance of science and natural law, might be pointed out in Christ's teachings, if we had space for them. It has always been alleged by orthodox Christendom, that Christ's teaching and moral system are so faultless as to challenge criticism, and so perfect as to defy improvement. But this is a serious mistake. For most of his precepts and moral inculcations which are not directly at war with the principles of science, or do not involve a flagrant violation of the laws of nature, are, nevertheless, characterized by a lawless and extravagant mode of expression peculiar to semi-savage life, and which, as it renders it impossible to reduce them to practice, shows they could not have emanated from a philosopher, or man of science, or a man of evenly-balanced mind. They impose upon the world a system of morality, pushed to such extremes that its own professed admirers do not live it out, or even attempt to do so. They long ago abandoned it as an impracticable duty. We will prove this by enumerating most of its requisitions, and showing that they are daily violated and trampled under foot by all Christendom. Where can the Christian professor be found who, 1. "takes no thought for the morrow" or, 2. who "lays not up treasure on earth," or, at least, tries to do it; or, 3. who "gives up all his property to the poor;" or who, "when his cloak is wrested from him by a robber," gives up his coat also; or who calls no man master or mister (the most common title in Christendom); or who calls no man father (if he has a father); or who calls no man a fool (when he knows he is a fool); or who, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turns the other to be battered up in the same way; or who prays without ceasing; or who rejoices when persecuted; or who forgives an enemy four hundred and ninety times (70 times 7); or who manifests by his practical life that he loves his enemies (the way he loves him is to report him to the grand jury, or hand him over to the sheriff); or who forsakes houses and land, and everything, "for the kingdom of heaven's sake." No Christian professor lives up to these precepts, or any of them, or even tries to do so. To talk, therefore, of finding a practical Christian, while nearly the whole moral code of Christ is thus daily and habitually outraged and trampled under foot by all the churches and every one of the two hundred millions of Christian professors, is bitter irony and supreme solecism. We would go five hundred miles, or pay five hundred dollars, to see a Christian. If a man can be a Christian while openly and habitually violating every precept of Christ, then the word has no meaning. These precepts, the Christian world finding to be impossible to practice, have unanimously laid upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." They are the product of a mind with an ardent temperament, and the religious faculties developed to excess, and unrestrained by

species

How many times the word 'species' appears in the text?

(Luke ii. 49.) "The kingdom of heaven is not mine to give, but the Son's." (Matt. xx. 23.) "I am come in my Son's name, and ye receive me not" (John v. 43.) "God cried, Jesus, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Matt. xiii. 28.) "No man hath seen Jesus at any time." (1 John i. 5-) "Jesus created all things by his Son." (Eph. iii. 9.) "God sat down (in heaven) at the right hand of Jesus." (Luke xxii. 69.) "There is one Jesus, one mediator between Jesus and men." (Gal. iii. 20.) "Jesus gave his only begotten Father." (1 John iv. 9) "God knows not the hour, but Jesus does." (Mark viii. 32.) "God is the servant of Jesus." (Mark xii. 18.) "God is ordained by Jesus." (Acts xvii. 31.) "The head of God is Christ." (Eph. i. 3.) "We have an advocate with Jesus, God the righteous." (1 John ii. 1.) "Jesus gave all power to God." (Matt, xxviii. 18.) "God abode all night in prayer to Jesus." (Luke vi. 12.) "God came down from heaven to do the will of Jesus." (John vi. 38.) "Jesus has made the Father his high priest." (Heb. x. 24.) "Last of all, the Son sent the Father." (Matt. xxi. 39.) "Jesus will save the world by that God whom he hath ordained." "Jesus is God of the Father." (John xx. 17.) "Jesus hath exalted God, and given him a more excellent name." (Phil. ii. 9.) "Jesus hath made God a little lower than the angels." (Heb. ii. 9.) "God can do nothing except what he seeth Jesus do." (John v. 19.) Now, the question arises, Is the above representation a true one? Most certainly it must be, if Jesus and the Father are but one almighty Being. A change of names and titles cannot alter the truth nor the sense. To say that Chief Justice Chase has gone south; Secretary Chase has gone south; Governor Chase has gone south; Ex-Senator Chase has gone south, or Salmon P. Chase has gone south, are affirmations equally true and equally sensible, because they all have reference to the same being; the case is to plain to need argument. The above reversal of names and titles of Jesus and the Father may sound very unpleasant and rather grating to Christ-adoring Christians, simply because it is the transposition of the tides of two very scripturally dissimilar beings, instead of being, as generally taught by orthodox Christians, "one in essence, one in mind, one in body or being, and one in name," as the Rev. Mr. Barnes affirms. Most self-evidently false is his statement, based solely on scriptural ground. If Jesus is "very God," and there is but one God, then the foregoing transposition cannot mar the sense nor altar the truth of one text quoted. CHAPTER XLI. THE PRECEPTS AND PRACTICAL LIFE OF JESUS CHRIST; HIS TWO HUNDRED ERRORS THE exaltation of men to the character and homage of divine beings has always had the effect to draw a vail over their errors and imperfections, so as to render them imperceptible to those who worship them as Gods. This is true of nearly all the deified men of antiquity, who were adored as incarnate divinities, among which may be included the Christian's man-God, Jesus Christ. The practice of the followers of these Gods has been, when an error was pointed out in their teachings, brought to light by the progress of science and general intelligence, to bestow upon the text some new and unwarranted meaning, entirely incompatible with its literal reading, or else to insist with a godly zeal on the correctness of the sentiment inculcated by the text, and thus essay to make error pass for truth. In this way millions of the disciples of' these Gods have been misled and blinded, and made to believe by their religious teachers and their religious education, that everything taught by their assumed-to-be divine exemplars is perfect truth, in perfect harmony with science, sense, and true morals. Indeed, the perversion of the mind and judgment by a religious education has been in many cases carried to such an extreme as to cause their devout and prejudiced followers either to entirely overlook and ignore their erroneous teachings, or to magnify them into God-given truths, and thus, as before stated, clothe error with the livery of truth. This state of things, it has long been noticed by unprejudiced minds, exists amongst the millions of professed believers in the divinity of Jesus Christ. Hence the errors, both in his moral lessons and his practical life, have passed from age to age unnoticed, because his pious and awe-stricken followers, having been taught that he was a divine teacher, have assumed that his teachings must all be true; and hence, too, have instituted no scrutiny to determine their truth or falsity. But we will now proceed to show that the progress of' science and general intelligence has brought to light many errors, not only in his teachings, but in his practical life also. In enumerating them, we will arrange them under the head MORAL AND RELIGIOUS ERRORS. 1. The first moral precept in the teachings of Christ, which we will bring to notice, is one of a numerous class, which may very properly be arranged under the head of Moral Extremism. We find many of his admonitions of this character. Nearly everything that is said is oversaid, carried to extremes--thus constituting an overwrought, extravagant system of morality, impracticable in its requisitions; as, for example, "Take no thought for the morrow." (Matt, v.) If the spirit of this injunction were carried out in practical life, there would be no grain sown and no seed planted in spring, no reaping done in harvest, and no crop garnered in autumn; and the result would be universal starvation in less than twelve months. But, fortunately for society, the Christian world have laid this positive injunction upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." 2. Christ's assumed-to-be most important requisition is found in the injunction, "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all else shall be added unto you." (Matt. vi. 33.) His early followers understood by this injunction, and doubtless understood it correctly, that they were to spend their lives in religious devotion, and neglect the practical duties of life, leaving "Providence" to take care of their families--a course of life which reduced many of them to the point of starvation. 3. The disciple of Christ is required, "when smitten on one cheek," to turn the other also that is, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turn the other, to be smashed up in like manner. This is an extravagant requisition, which none of his modern disciples even attempt to observe. 4. "Resist not evil" (Matt. v. 34) breathes forth a kindred spirit. This injunction requires you to stand with your hands in your pocket while being maltreated so cruelly and unmercifully that the forfeiture of your life may be the consequence--at least Christ's early followers so understood it. 5. The disciple of Christ is required, when his cloak is formally wrested from him, to give up his coat also. (See Matt, v.) And to carry out the principle, if the marauder demands it, he must next give up his boots, then his shirt, and thus strip himself of all his garments, and go naked. This looks like an invitation and bribe to robbery. 6. "Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth." (Matt. vi. 19.) This is another positive command of Christ, which the modern Christian world, by common consent, have laid on the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement," under the conviction that the wants of their families and the exigencies of sickness and old age cannot be served if they should live up to such an injunction. 7. "Sell all that thou hast,... and come and follow me," is another command which bespeaks more piety than wisdom, as all who have attempted to comply with it have reduced their families to beggary and want. 8. "If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him." Then he must hate it, as there are but the two principles, and "from hate proceed envy, strife, evil surmisings, and persecution." Evidently the remedy in this case for "worldly-mindedness" is worse than the disease. 9. "He that cometh to me, and hateth not father, mother, brother, and sister, &c., cannot be my disciple." (Luke xiv. 26). This breathes forth the same spirit as the last text quoted above. Many learned expositions have been penned by Christian writers to make it appear, that hate in this case does not mean hate. But certainly it would be a slander upon infinite wisdom to leave it to be inferred that he could not say or "inspire" his disciples to say exactly what he meant, and to say it so plainly as to leave no possibility of being misunderstood, or leave any ground for dispute about the meaning. 10. "Rejoice and be exceeding glad" when persecuted. (Matt. v. 4.) Now, as a state of rejoicing is the highest condition of happiness that can be realized, such advice must naturally prompt the religious zealot to court persecution, in order to obtain complete happiness, and consequently to pursue a dare-devil life to provoke persecution. 11. "Whosoever shall seek to save his life, shall lose it," &c. (Luke xvii. 33.) Here is displayed the spirit of martyrdom which has made millions reckless of life, and goaded on the frenzied bigot to seek the fiery fagot and the halter. We regard it as another display of religious fanaticism. 12. "Ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake." (Matt. x. 12.) How repulsive must have been their doctrines or their conduct! No sensible religion could excite the universal hatred of mankind. For it would contain something adapted to the moral, religious, or spiritual taste of some class or portion of society, and hence make it and its disciples loved instead of hated. And then how could they be "hated of all men," when not one man in a thousand ever heard of them? Here is more of the extravagance of religious enthusiasm. 13. "Shake off the dust of your feet" against those who cannot see the truth or utility of your doctrines. (Matt. x. 14.) Here Christ encourages in his disciples a spirit of contempt for the opinions of others calculated to make them "hated." A proper regard for the rules of good-breeding would have forbidden such rudeness toward strangers for a mere honest difference of opinion. 14. "Take nothing for your journey, neither staff, nor scrip, nor purse" (Mark vi. 8); that is "sponge on your friends, and force yourselves on your enemies," the latter class of which seem to have been much the most numerous. A preacher who should attempt to carry out this advice at the present day would be stopped at the first toll-gate, and compelled to return. Here is more violation of the rules of good-breeding, and the common courtesies of civilized life. 15. "Go and teach all nations," &c. Why issue an injunction that could not possibly be carried out? It never has been, and never will be, executed, for three-fourths of the human race have never yet heard of Christianity. It was not, therefore, a mark of wisdom, or a superior mind, to issue such an injunction. 16. "And he that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned." What intolerance, bigotry, relentless cruelty, and ignorance of the science of mind are here displayed! No philosopher would give utterance to, or indorse such a sentiment. It assumes that belief is a creature of the will, and that a man can believe anything he chooses, which is wide of the truth. And the assumption has been followed by persecution, misery, and bloodshed. 17. "All things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Matt. xxi. 22.) Here is an entire negation of natural law in the necessity of physical labor as a means to procure the comforts of life. When anything is wanted in the shape of food or raiment, it is to be obtained, according to this text, by going down on your knees and asking God to bestow it. But no Christian ever realized "all things whatsoever asked for in prayer," thought "believing with all his heart" he should obtain it. The author knows, by his own practical experience, that this declaration is not true. This promise has been falsified thousands of times by thousands of praying Christians. 18. "Be not called rabbi." "Call no man your father." (Matt, xxiii.) The Christian world assume that much of what Christ taught is mere idle nonsense, or the incoherent utterings of a religious fanatic; for they pay no more practical attention to it than the barking of a dog. And here is one command treated in this manner: "Call no man father." Where is the Christian who refuses to call his earthly sire a father? 19. "Call no man master." (Matt, xxiii.) And yet mister, which is the same thing, is the most common title in Christendom. 20. He who enunciates the two words, "'Thou fool.' shall be in danger of hell fire." (Matt, xxii.) Mercy! Who, then, can be saved? For there is probably not a live Christian in the world who has not called somebody a "fool," when he knew him to be such, and could not with truthfulness be called anything else. Here, then, is another command universally ignored and "indefinitely postponed." 21. "Swear not at all, neither by heaven nor earth." (Matt, v.) And yet no Christian refuses to indulge in legal, if not profane, swearing which the text evidently forbids. 22. "Men ought always to pray." (Luke xviii.) No time to be allowed for eating or sleeping. More religious fanaticism. 23. "Whosoever will be chief among you let him be your servant" (Matt. xx. 27); that is, no Christian professor shall be a president, governor, major-general, deacon, or priest. Another command laid on the table. 24. "Love your enemies." (Matt. v. 44.) Then what kind of feeling should we cultivate toward friends? And how much did he love his enemies when he called them "fools," "liars," "hypocrites," "generation of vipers," &c.? And yet he is held up as "our" example in love, meekness, and forbearance. But no man ever did love an enemy. It is a moral impossibility, as much so as to love bitter or nauseating food. The advice of the Roman slave Syrus is indicative of more sense and wisdom--"Treat your enemy kindly, and thus make him a friend." 25. We are required to forgive an enemy four hundred and ninety times; that is, "seventy times seven." (Matt, vii.) Another outburst of religious enthusiasm; another proof of an overheated imagination. 26. "Be ye perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect." (Matt. v. 48.) Here is more of the religious extravagance of a mind uncultured by science. For it is self-evident that human beings can make no approximation to divine perfection. The distance between human imperfection and a perfect God is, and ever must be, infinite. 27. Christ commended those who "became eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake" (Matt. xix. 12)--a custom requiring a murderous, self-butchering process; destructive of the energies of life and the vigor of manhood, and rendering the subject weak, effeminate, and mopish, and unfit for the business of life. It is a low species of piety, and discloses a lamentable lack of a scientific knowledge of the true functions of the sexual organs on the part of Jesus. 28. Christ also encouraged his disciples to "pluck out the eye," and "cut off the hand," as a means of rendering it impossible to perpetrate evil with those members. And we would suggest, if such advice is consistent with sound reasoning, the head also should be cut off, as a means of more effectually carrying out the same principle. Such advice never came from the mouth of a philosopher. It is a part of Christ's system of extravagant piety. 29. He also taught the senseless, oriental tradition of "the unpardonable sin against the Holy Ghost"--a fabulous being who figured more anciently in the history of various countries. (See Chapter XXII.) No philosopher or man of science could harbor such childish misconceptions as are embodied in this tradition, which neither describes the being nor explains the nature of the sin. 30. We find many proofs, in Christ's Gospel history, that he believed in the ancient heathen tradition which taught that disease is caused by demons and evil spirits. (See Luke vii. 21, and viii. 2.) 31. Many cases are reported of his relieving the obsessed by casting out the diabolical intruders, in imitation of the oriental custom long in vogue in various countries, by which he evinced a profound ignorance of the natural causes of disease. 32. Christ also taught the old pagan superstition that "God is a God of anger," while modern science teaches that it would be as impossible for a God of perfect and infinite attributes to experience the feeling of anger as to commit suicide; and recent discoveries in physiology prove that anger is a species of suicide, and that it is also a species of insanity. Hence an angry God would be an insane God--an omnipotent lunatic, "ruling the kingdom of heaven," which would make heaven a lunatic asylum, and rather a dangerous place to live. 33. And Christ's injunction to "fear God" also implies that he is an angry being. (See Luke xxiii. 40.) But y past history proves that "the fear of God" has always been the great lever of priestcraft, and the most paltry and pitiful motive that ever moved the human mind. It has paralyzed the noblest intellects, crushed the elasticity of youth, and augmented the hesitating indecision of old age, and finally filled the world with cowardly, trembling slaves. No philosopher will either love or worship a God he fears. "The fear of the Lord" is a very ancient heathen superstition. 34. The inducement Christ holds out for leading a virtuous life by the promise of "Well done, thou good and faithful servant," bespeaks a childish ignorance of the nature of the human mind and the true science of life. It ranks with the promise of the nurse of sugar-plums to the boy if he would keep his garments unsoiled. (For the remainder of the two hundred errors of Christ, see Vol. II.) There are many other errors found in the precepts and practical life of Jesus Christ (which we are compelled to omit an exposition of here), such as his losing his temper, and abusing the money-changers by overthrowing their counting-table, and expelling them from the temple with a whip of cords when engaged in a lawful' and laudable business; his getting mad at and cursing the fig tree; his dooming Capernaum to hell in a fit of anger; his being deceived by two of his disciples (Peter and Judas), which prompted him to call them devils; his implied approval of David, with his fourteen crimes and penitentiary deeds, and also Abraham, with his falsehoods, polygamy, and incest, and his implied sanction of the Old Testament, with all its errors and numerous crimes; his promise to his twelve apostles to "sit upon the twelve thrones of Israel" in heaven, thus evincing a very limited and childish conception of the enjoyments of the future life; his puerile idea of sin, consisting in a personal affront to a personal God; his omission to say anything about human freedom, the inalienable rights of man, &c. THE SCIENTIFIC ERRORS OF CHRIST. That Jesus Christ was neither a natural or moral philosopher is evident from the following facts:-- 1. He never made any use of the word "philosophy." 2. Never gave utterance to the word "science." 3. Never spoke of a natural law, or assigned a natural cause for anything. The fact that he never made use of these words now so current in all civilized countries, is evidence that he was totally ignorant of these important branches of knowledge, the cultivation of which is now known to be essential to the progress of civilization. And yet it is claimed his religion has been a great lever in the advancement of civilization. But this is a mistake--a solemn mistake, as elsewhere shown. (See Chap. XLV.) 4. Everything to Christ was miracle; everything was produced and controlled by the arbitrary power of an angry or irascible God. He evidently had no idea of a ruling principle in nature or of the existence of natural law, as controlling any event he witnessed. Hence he set no bounds to anything, and recognized no limits to the possible. He believed God to be a supernatural personal being, who possessed unlimited power, and who ruled and controlled everything by his arbitrary will, without any law or any limitation to its exercises. Hence he told his disciples they would have anything they prayed for in faith; that by faith they could roll mountains into the sea, or bring to a halt the rolling billows of the mighty deep. He evidently believed that the forked lightning, the out-bursting earth-shaking thunder, and the roaring, heaving volcano were but pliant tools or obsequious servants to the man of faith. And he displays no less ignorance of the laws of mind than the laws of nature; thus proving him to have been neither a natural, moral, nor mental philosopher. He omitted to teach the great moral lessons learned by human experience, of which he was evidently totally ignorant. 5. He never taught that the practice of virtue contains its own reward. 6. That the question of right and wrong of any action is to be decided by its effect upon the individual, or upon society. 7. That no life can be displeasing to God which is useful to man. 8. And he omitted to teach the most important lesson that can engage the attention of man, viz.: that the great purpose of life is self-development. 9. That no person can attain or approximate to real happiness without bestowing a special attention to the cultivation and exercise of all the mental and physical faculties, so far as to keep them in a healthy condition. None of the important lessons above named are hinted at in his teachings, which, if punctually observed, would do more to advance the happiness of the human race than all the sermons Christ or Chrishna ever preached, or ever taught. 10. And then he taught many doctrines which are plainly contradicted by the established principle of modern science, such as,-- 11. Diseases being produced by demons, devils, or wicked spirits. (See Mark ix. 20.) Christ nowhere assigns a natural cause for disease, or a scientific explanation for its cure. 12. His rebuking a fever discloses a similar lack of scientific knowledge. ( See Luke iv. 39.) 13. His belief in a literal hell and a lake of fire and brimstone (see Matt, xviii. 8) is an ancient heathen superstition science knows nothing about, and has no use for. 14. His belief in a personal devil also (see Matt. xvii. 88), which is another oriental tradition, furnishes more sad proof of an utter want of scientific knowledge, as science has no place for and no use for such a being. 15. Christ taught the unphilosophical doctrine of repentance, as he declared he "came to call sinners to repentance" (Matt. ix. 13)--a mental process, which consists merely in a revival of early impressions, and often leads a person to condemn that which is right, as well as that which is wrong. (For proof, see Chapter XLIII.) 16. The doctrine of "forgiveness," which Christ so often inculcated, is also at variance with the teachings of science, as it can do nothing toward changing the nature of the act forgiven, or toward cancelling its previous effects upon society. Science teaches that every crime has its penalty attached to it, which no act of forgiveness, by God or man, can arrest or set aside. 17. But nothing evinces, perhaps, more clearly Christ's total lack of scientific knowledge than his holding a man responsible for his belief, and condemning for disbelief, as he does in numerous instances (see Mark xvi. 16), for a man could as easily control the circulation of the blood in his veins as control his belief. Science teaches that belief depends upon evidence, and without it, it is impossible to believe, and with it, it is impossible to disbelieve. How foolish and unphilosophical, therefore, to condemn for either belief or disbelief! 18. The numerous cases in which Christ speaks of the heart as being the seat of consciousness, instead of the brain, evinces a remarkable ignorance of the science of mental philosophy. He speaks of an "upright heart," "a pure heart," &'c., when "an upright liver," "a pure liver," would be as sensible, as the latter has as much to do with the character as the former. 19. And the many cases in which he makes it meritorious to have a right "faith," and places it above reason, and assumes it to be a voluntary act, shows his utter ignorance of the nature of the human mind. 20. And Christ evinced a remarkable ignorance of the cause of physical defects, when he told his hearers a certain man was born blind, in order that he might cure him. (Matt. vii. 22.) 21. And Christ's declaration, that those who marry are not worthy of being saved (see Luke xx. 34), shows that he was very ignorant of the nature of the sexual functions of the human system. 22. Nothing could more completely demonstrate a total ignorance of the grand science of astronomy than Christ's prediction of the stars falling to the earth. (See Luke xxi. 25.) 23. And the conflagration of the world, "the gathering of the elect," and the realization of a fancied millennium, which he several times predicted would take place in his time, "before this generation pass away" (Matt, xxiv. 34), proves a like ignorance, both of astronomy and philosophy. 24. And his cursing of the fig tree for not bearing fruit in the winter season (see Matt. xxi. 20), not only proves his ignorance of the laws of nature, but evinces a bad temper. 25. Christ indorses the truth of Noah's flood story (see Luke xvii. 27), which every person at the present day, versed in science and natural law, knows is mere fiction, and never took place. And numerous other errors, evincing the most profound ignorance of science and natural law, might be pointed out in Christ's teachings, if we had space for them. It has always been alleged by orthodox Christendom, that Christ's teaching and moral system are so faultless as to challenge criticism, and so perfect as to defy improvement. But this is a serious mistake. For most of his precepts and moral inculcations which are not directly at war with the principles of science, or do not involve a flagrant violation of the laws of nature, are, nevertheless, characterized by a lawless and extravagant mode of expression peculiar to semi-savage life, and which, as it renders it impossible to reduce them to practice, shows they could not have emanated from a philosopher, or man of science, or a man of evenly-balanced mind. They impose upon the world a system of morality, pushed to such extremes that its own professed admirers do not live it out, or even attempt to do so. They long ago abandoned it as an impracticable duty. We will prove this by enumerating most of its requisitions, and showing that they are daily violated and trampled under foot by all Christendom. Where can the Christian professor be found who, 1. "takes no thought for the morrow" or, 2. who "lays not up treasure on earth," or, at least, tries to do it; or, 3. who "gives up all his property to the poor;" or who, "when his cloak is wrested from him by a robber," gives up his coat also; or who calls no man master or mister (the most common title in Christendom); or who calls no man father (if he has a father); or who calls no man a fool (when he knows he is a fool); or who, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turns the other to be battered up in the same way; or who prays without ceasing; or who rejoices when persecuted; or who forgives an enemy four hundred and ninety times (70 times 7); or who manifests by his practical life that he loves his enemies (the way he loves him is to report him to the grand jury, or hand him over to the sheriff); or who forsakes houses and land, and everything, "for the kingdom of heaven's sake." No Christian professor lives up to these precepts, or any of them, or even tries to do so. To talk, therefore, of finding a practical Christian, while nearly the whole moral code of Christ is thus daily and habitually outraged and trampled under foot by all the churches and every one of the two hundred millions of Christian professors, is bitter irony and supreme solecism. We would go five hundred miles, or pay five hundred dollars, to see a Christian. If a man can be a Christian while openly and habitually violating every precept of Christ, then the word has no meaning. These precepts, the Christian world finding to be impossible to practice, have unanimously laid upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." They are the product of a mind with an ardent temperament, and the religious faculties developed to excess, and unrestrained by

error

How many times the word 'error' appears in the text?

(Luke ii. 49.) "The kingdom of heaven is not mine to give, but the Son's." (Matt. xx. 23.) "I am come in my Son's name, and ye receive me not" (John v. 43.) "God cried, Jesus, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Matt. xiii. 28.) "No man hath seen Jesus at any time." (1 John i. 5-) "Jesus created all things by his Son." (Eph. iii. 9.) "God sat down (in heaven) at the right hand of Jesus." (Luke xxii. 69.) "There is one Jesus, one mediator between Jesus and men." (Gal. iii. 20.) "Jesus gave his only begotten Father." (1 John iv. 9) "God knows not the hour, but Jesus does." (Mark viii. 32.) "God is the servant of Jesus." (Mark xii. 18.) "God is ordained by Jesus." (Acts xvii. 31.) "The head of God is Christ." (Eph. i. 3.) "We have an advocate with Jesus, God the righteous." (1 John ii. 1.) "Jesus gave all power to God." (Matt, xxviii. 18.) "God abode all night in prayer to Jesus." (Luke vi. 12.) "God came down from heaven to do the will of Jesus." (John vi. 38.) "Jesus has made the Father his high priest." (Heb. x. 24.) "Last of all, the Son sent the Father." (Matt. xxi. 39.) "Jesus will save the world by that God whom he hath ordained." "Jesus is God of the Father." (John xx. 17.) "Jesus hath exalted God, and given him a more excellent name." (Phil. ii. 9.) "Jesus hath made God a little lower than the angels." (Heb. ii. 9.) "God can do nothing except what he seeth Jesus do." (John v. 19.) Now, the question arises, Is the above representation a true one? Most certainly it must be, if Jesus and the Father are but one almighty Being. A change of names and titles cannot alter the truth nor the sense. To say that Chief Justice Chase has gone south; Secretary Chase has gone south; Governor Chase has gone south; Ex-Senator Chase has gone south, or Salmon P. Chase has gone south, are affirmations equally true and equally sensible, because they all have reference to the same being; the case is to plain to need argument. The above reversal of names and titles of Jesus and the Father may sound very unpleasant and rather grating to Christ-adoring Christians, simply because it is the transposition of the tides of two very scripturally dissimilar beings, instead of being, as generally taught by orthodox Christians, "one in essence, one in mind, one in body or being, and one in name," as the Rev. Mr. Barnes affirms. Most self-evidently false is his statement, based solely on scriptural ground. If Jesus is "very God," and there is but one God, then the foregoing transposition cannot mar the sense nor altar the truth of one text quoted. CHAPTER XLI. THE PRECEPTS AND PRACTICAL LIFE OF JESUS CHRIST; HIS TWO HUNDRED ERRORS THE exaltation of men to the character and homage of divine beings has always had the effect to draw a vail over their errors and imperfections, so as to render them imperceptible to those who worship them as Gods. This is true of nearly all the deified men of antiquity, who were adored as incarnate divinities, among which may be included the Christian's man-God, Jesus Christ. The practice of the followers of these Gods has been, when an error was pointed out in their teachings, brought to light by the progress of science and general intelligence, to bestow upon the text some new and unwarranted meaning, entirely incompatible with its literal reading, or else to insist with a godly zeal on the correctness of the sentiment inculcated by the text, and thus essay to make error pass for truth. In this way millions of the disciples of' these Gods have been misled and blinded, and made to believe by their religious teachers and their religious education, that everything taught by their assumed-to-be divine exemplars is perfect truth, in perfect harmony with science, sense, and true morals. Indeed, the perversion of the mind and judgment by a religious education has been in many cases carried to such an extreme as to cause their devout and prejudiced followers either to entirely overlook and ignore their erroneous teachings, or to magnify them into God-given truths, and thus, as before stated, clothe error with the livery of truth. This state of things, it has long been noticed by unprejudiced minds, exists amongst the millions of professed believers in the divinity of Jesus Christ. Hence the errors, both in his moral lessons and his practical life, have passed from age to age unnoticed, because his pious and awe-stricken followers, having been taught that he was a divine teacher, have assumed that his teachings must all be true; and hence, too, have instituted no scrutiny to determine their truth or falsity. But we will now proceed to show that the progress of' science and general intelligence has brought to light many errors, not only in his teachings, but in his practical life also. In enumerating them, we will arrange them under the head MORAL AND RELIGIOUS ERRORS. 1. The first moral precept in the teachings of Christ, which we will bring to notice, is one of a numerous class, which may very properly be arranged under the head of Moral Extremism. We find many of his admonitions of this character. Nearly everything that is said is oversaid, carried to extremes--thus constituting an overwrought, extravagant system of morality, impracticable in its requisitions; as, for example, "Take no thought for the morrow." (Matt, v.) If the spirit of this injunction were carried out in practical life, there would be no grain sown and no seed planted in spring, no reaping done in harvest, and no crop garnered in autumn; and the result would be universal starvation in less than twelve months. But, fortunately for society, the Christian world have laid this positive injunction upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." 2. Christ's assumed-to-be most important requisition is found in the injunction, "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all else shall be added unto you." (Matt. vi. 33.) His early followers understood by this injunction, and doubtless understood it correctly, that they were to spend their lives in religious devotion, and neglect the practical duties of life, leaving "Providence" to take care of their families--a course of life which reduced many of them to the point of starvation. 3. The disciple of Christ is required, "when smitten on one cheek," to turn the other also that is, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turn the other, to be smashed up in like manner. This is an extravagant requisition, which none of his modern disciples even attempt to observe. 4. "Resist not evil" (Matt. v. 34) breathes forth a kindred spirit. This injunction requires you to stand with your hands in your pocket while being maltreated so cruelly and unmercifully that the forfeiture of your life may be the consequence--at least Christ's early followers so understood it. 5. The disciple of Christ is required, when his cloak is formally wrested from him, to give up his coat also. (See Matt, v.) And to carry out the principle, if the marauder demands it, he must next give up his boots, then his shirt, and thus strip himself of all his garments, and go naked. This looks like an invitation and bribe to robbery. 6. "Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth." (Matt. vi. 19.) This is another positive command of Christ, which the modern Christian world, by common consent, have laid on the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement," under the conviction that the wants of their families and the exigencies of sickness and old age cannot be served if they should live up to such an injunction. 7. "Sell all that thou hast,... and come and follow me," is another command which bespeaks more piety than wisdom, as all who have attempted to comply with it have reduced their families to beggary and want. 8. "If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him." Then he must hate it, as there are but the two principles, and "from hate proceed envy, strife, evil surmisings, and persecution." Evidently the remedy in this case for "worldly-mindedness" is worse than the disease. 9. "He that cometh to me, and hateth not father, mother, brother, and sister, &c., cannot be my disciple." (Luke xiv. 26). This breathes forth the same spirit as the last text quoted above. Many learned expositions have been penned by Christian writers to make it appear, that hate in this case does not mean hate. But certainly it would be a slander upon infinite wisdom to leave it to be inferred that he could not say or "inspire" his disciples to say exactly what he meant, and to say it so plainly as to leave no possibility of being misunderstood, or leave any ground for dispute about the meaning. 10. "Rejoice and be exceeding glad" when persecuted. (Matt. v. 4.) Now, as a state of rejoicing is the highest condition of happiness that can be realized, such advice must naturally prompt the religious zealot to court persecution, in order to obtain complete happiness, and consequently to pursue a dare-devil life to provoke persecution. 11. "Whosoever shall seek to save his life, shall lose it," &c. (Luke xvii. 33.) Here is displayed the spirit of martyrdom which has made millions reckless of life, and goaded on the frenzied bigot to seek the fiery fagot and the halter. We regard it as another display of religious fanaticism. 12. "Ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake." (Matt. x. 12.) How repulsive must have been their doctrines or their conduct! No sensible religion could excite the universal hatred of mankind. For it would contain something adapted to the moral, religious, or spiritual taste of some class or portion of society, and hence make it and its disciples loved instead of hated. And then how could they be "hated of all men," when not one man in a thousand ever heard of them? Here is more of the extravagance of religious enthusiasm. 13. "Shake off the dust of your feet" against those who cannot see the truth or utility of your doctrines. (Matt. x. 14.) Here Christ encourages in his disciples a spirit of contempt for the opinions of others calculated to make them "hated." A proper regard for the rules of good-breeding would have forbidden such rudeness toward strangers for a mere honest difference of opinion. 14. "Take nothing for your journey, neither staff, nor scrip, nor purse" (Mark vi. 8); that is "sponge on your friends, and force yourselves on your enemies," the latter class of which seem to have been much the most numerous. A preacher who should attempt to carry out this advice at the present day would be stopped at the first toll-gate, and compelled to return. Here is more violation of the rules of good-breeding, and the common courtesies of civilized life. 15. "Go and teach all nations," &c. Why issue an injunction that could not possibly be carried out? It never has been, and never will be, executed, for three-fourths of the human race have never yet heard of Christianity. It was not, therefore, a mark of wisdom, or a superior mind, to issue such an injunction. 16. "And he that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned." What intolerance, bigotry, relentless cruelty, and ignorance of the science of mind are here displayed! No philosopher would give utterance to, or indorse such a sentiment. It assumes that belief is a creature of the will, and that a man can believe anything he chooses, which is wide of the truth. And the assumption has been followed by persecution, misery, and bloodshed. 17. "All things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Matt. xxi. 22.) Here is an entire negation of natural law in the necessity of physical labor as a means to procure the comforts of life. When anything is wanted in the shape of food or raiment, it is to be obtained, according to this text, by going down on your knees and asking God to bestow it. But no Christian ever realized "all things whatsoever asked for in prayer," thought "believing with all his heart" he should obtain it. The author knows, by his own practical experience, that this declaration is not true. This promise has been falsified thousands of times by thousands of praying Christians. 18. "Be not called rabbi." "Call no man your father." (Matt, xxiii.) The Christian world assume that much of what Christ taught is mere idle nonsense, or the incoherent utterings of a religious fanatic; for they pay no more practical attention to it than the barking of a dog. And here is one command treated in this manner: "Call no man father." Where is the Christian who refuses to call his earthly sire a father? 19. "Call no man master." (Matt, xxiii.) And yet mister, which is the same thing, is the most common title in Christendom. 20. He who enunciates the two words, "'Thou fool.' shall be in danger of hell fire." (Matt, xxii.) Mercy! Who, then, can be saved? For there is probably not a live Christian in the world who has not called somebody a "fool," when he knew him to be such, and could not with truthfulness be called anything else. Here, then, is another command universally ignored and "indefinitely postponed." 21. "Swear not at all, neither by heaven nor earth." (Matt, v.) And yet no Christian refuses to indulge in legal, if not profane, swearing which the text evidently forbids. 22. "Men ought always to pray." (Luke xviii.) No time to be allowed for eating or sleeping. More religious fanaticism. 23. "Whosoever will be chief among you let him be your servant" (Matt. xx. 27); that is, no Christian professor shall be a president, governor, major-general, deacon, or priest. Another command laid on the table. 24. "Love your enemies." (Matt. v. 44.) Then what kind of feeling should we cultivate toward friends? And how much did he love his enemies when he called them "fools," "liars," "hypocrites," "generation of vipers," &c.? And yet he is held up as "our" example in love, meekness, and forbearance. But no man ever did love an enemy. It is a moral impossibility, as much so as to love bitter or nauseating food. The advice of the Roman slave Syrus is indicative of more sense and wisdom--"Treat your enemy kindly, and thus make him a friend." 25. We are required to forgive an enemy four hundred and ninety times; that is, "seventy times seven." (Matt, vii.) Another outburst of religious enthusiasm; another proof of an overheated imagination. 26. "Be ye perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect." (Matt. v. 48.) Here is more of the religious extravagance of a mind uncultured by science. For it is self-evident that human beings can make no approximation to divine perfection. The distance between human imperfection and a perfect God is, and ever must be, infinite. 27. Christ commended those who "became eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake" (Matt. xix. 12)--a custom requiring a murderous, self-butchering process; destructive of the energies of life and the vigor of manhood, and rendering the subject weak, effeminate, and mopish, and unfit for the business of life. It is a low species of piety, and discloses a lamentable lack of a scientific knowledge of the true functions of the sexual organs on the part of Jesus. 28. Christ also encouraged his disciples to "pluck out the eye," and "cut off the hand," as a means of rendering it impossible to perpetrate evil with those members. And we would suggest, if such advice is consistent with sound reasoning, the head also should be cut off, as a means of more effectually carrying out the same principle. Such advice never came from the mouth of a philosopher. It is a part of Christ's system of extravagant piety. 29. He also taught the senseless, oriental tradition of "the unpardonable sin against the Holy Ghost"--a fabulous being who figured more anciently in the history of various countries. (See Chapter XXII.) No philosopher or man of science could harbor such childish misconceptions as are embodied in this tradition, which neither describes the being nor explains the nature of the sin. 30. We find many proofs, in Christ's Gospel history, that he believed in the ancient heathen tradition which taught that disease is caused by demons and evil spirits. (See Luke vii. 21, and viii. 2.) 31. Many cases are reported of his relieving the obsessed by casting out the diabolical intruders, in imitation of the oriental custom long in vogue in various countries, by which he evinced a profound ignorance of the natural causes of disease. 32. Christ also taught the old pagan superstition that "God is a God of anger," while modern science teaches that it would be as impossible for a God of perfect and infinite attributes to experience the feeling of anger as to commit suicide; and recent discoveries in physiology prove that anger is a species of suicide, and that it is also a species of insanity. Hence an angry God would be an insane God--an omnipotent lunatic, "ruling the kingdom of heaven," which would make heaven a lunatic asylum, and rather a dangerous place to live. 33. And Christ's injunction to "fear God" also implies that he is an angry being. (See Luke xxiii. 40.) But y past history proves that "the fear of God" has always been the great lever of priestcraft, and the most paltry and pitiful motive that ever moved the human mind. It has paralyzed the noblest intellects, crushed the elasticity of youth, and augmented the hesitating indecision of old age, and finally filled the world with cowardly, trembling slaves. No philosopher will either love or worship a God he fears. "The fear of the Lord" is a very ancient heathen superstition. 34. The inducement Christ holds out for leading a virtuous life by the promise of "Well done, thou good and faithful servant," bespeaks a childish ignorance of the nature of the human mind and the true science of life. It ranks with the promise of the nurse of sugar-plums to the boy if he would keep his garments unsoiled. (For the remainder of the two hundred errors of Christ, see Vol. II.) There are many other errors found in the precepts and practical life of Jesus Christ (which we are compelled to omit an exposition of here), such as his losing his temper, and abusing the money-changers by overthrowing their counting-table, and expelling them from the temple with a whip of cords when engaged in a lawful' and laudable business; his getting mad at and cursing the fig tree; his dooming Capernaum to hell in a fit of anger; his being deceived by two of his disciples (Peter and Judas), which prompted him to call them devils; his implied approval of David, with his fourteen crimes and penitentiary deeds, and also Abraham, with his falsehoods, polygamy, and incest, and his implied sanction of the Old Testament, with all its errors and numerous crimes; his promise to his twelve apostles to "sit upon the twelve thrones of Israel" in heaven, thus evincing a very limited and childish conception of the enjoyments of the future life; his puerile idea of sin, consisting in a personal affront to a personal God; his omission to say anything about human freedom, the inalienable rights of man, &c. THE SCIENTIFIC ERRORS OF CHRIST. That Jesus Christ was neither a natural or moral philosopher is evident from the following facts:-- 1. He never made any use of the word "philosophy." 2. Never gave utterance to the word "science." 3. Never spoke of a natural law, or assigned a natural cause for anything. The fact that he never made use of these words now so current in all civilized countries, is evidence that he was totally ignorant of these important branches of knowledge, the cultivation of which is now known to be essential to the progress of civilization. And yet it is claimed his religion has been a great lever in the advancement of civilization. But this is a mistake--a solemn mistake, as elsewhere shown. (See Chap. XLV.) 4. Everything to Christ was miracle; everything was produced and controlled by the arbitrary power of an angry or irascible God. He evidently had no idea of a ruling principle in nature or of the existence of natural law, as controlling any event he witnessed. Hence he set no bounds to anything, and recognized no limits to the possible. He believed God to be a supernatural personal being, who possessed unlimited power, and who ruled and controlled everything by his arbitrary will, without any law or any limitation to its exercises. Hence he told his disciples they would have anything they prayed for in faith; that by faith they could roll mountains into the sea, or bring to a halt the rolling billows of the mighty deep. He evidently believed that the forked lightning, the out-bursting earth-shaking thunder, and the roaring, heaving volcano were but pliant tools or obsequious servants to the man of faith. And he displays no less ignorance of the laws of mind than the laws of nature; thus proving him to have been neither a natural, moral, nor mental philosopher. He omitted to teach the great moral lessons learned by human experience, of which he was evidently totally ignorant. 5. He never taught that the practice of virtue contains its own reward. 6. That the question of right and wrong of any action is to be decided by its effect upon the individual, or upon society. 7. That no life can be displeasing to God which is useful to man. 8. And he omitted to teach the most important lesson that can engage the attention of man, viz.: that the great purpose of life is self-development. 9. That no person can attain or approximate to real happiness without bestowing a special attention to the cultivation and exercise of all the mental and physical faculties, so far as to keep them in a healthy condition. None of the important lessons above named are hinted at in his teachings, which, if punctually observed, would do more to advance the happiness of the human race than all the sermons Christ or Chrishna ever preached, or ever taught. 10. And then he taught many doctrines which are plainly contradicted by the established principle of modern science, such as,-- 11. Diseases being produced by demons, devils, or wicked spirits. (See Mark ix. 20.) Christ nowhere assigns a natural cause for disease, or a scientific explanation for its cure. 12. His rebuking a fever discloses a similar lack of scientific knowledge. ( See Luke iv. 39.) 13. His belief in a literal hell and a lake of fire and brimstone (see Matt, xviii. 8) is an ancient heathen superstition science knows nothing about, and has no use for. 14. His belief in a personal devil also (see Matt. xvii. 88), which is another oriental tradition, furnishes more sad proof of an utter want of scientific knowledge, as science has no place for and no use for such a being. 15. Christ taught the unphilosophical doctrine of repentance, as he declared he "came to call sinners to repentance" (Matt. ix. 13)--a mental process, which consists merely in a revival of early impressions, and often leads a person to condemn that which is right, as well as that which is wrong. (For proof, see Chapter XLIII.) 16. The doctrine of "forgiveness," which Christ so often inculcated, is also at variance with the teachings of science, as it can do nothing toward changing the nature of the act forgiven, or toward cancelling its previous effects upon society. Science teaches that every crime has its penalty attached to it, which no act of forgiveness, by God or man, can arrest or set aside. 17. But nothing evinces, perhaps, more clearly Christ's total lack of scientific knowledge than his holding a man responsible for his belief, and condemning for disbelief, as he does in numerous instances (see Mark xvi. 16), for a man could as easily control the circulation of the blood in his veins as control his belief. Science teaches that belief depends upon evidence, and without it, it is impossible to believe, and with it, it is impossible to disbelieve. How foolish and unphilosophical, therefore, to condemn for either belief or disbelief! 18. The numerous cases in which Christ speaks of the heart as being the seat of consciousness, instead of the brain, evinces a remarkable ignorance of the science of mental philosophy. He speaks of an "upright heart," "a pure heart," &'c., when "an upright liver," "a pure liver," would be as sensible, as the latter has as much to do with the character as the former. 19. And the many cases in which he makes it meritorious to have a right "faith," and places it above reason, and assumes it to be a voluntary act, shows his utter ignorance of the nature of the human mind. 20. And Christ evinced a remarkable ignorance of the cause of physical defects, when he told his hearers a certain man was born blind, in order that he might cure him. (Matt. vii. 22.) 21. And Christ's declaration, that those who marry are not worthy of being saved (see Luke xx. 34), shows that he was very ignorant of the nature of the sexual functions of the human system. 22. Nothing could more completely demonstrate a total ignorance of the grand science of astronomy than Christ's prediction of the stars falling to the earth. (See Luke xxi. 25.) 23. And the conflagration of the world, "the gathering of the elect," and the realization of a fancied millennium, which he several times predicted would take place in his time, "before this generation pass away" (Matt, xxiv. 34), proves a like ignorance, both of astronomy and philosophy. 24. And his cursing of the fig tree for not bearing fruit in the winter season (see Matt. xxi. 20), not only proves his ignorance of the laws of nature, but evinces a bad temper. 25. Christ indorses the truth of Noah's flood story (see Luke xvii. 27), which every person at the present day, versed in science and natural law, knows is mere fiction, and never took place. And numerous other errors, evincing the most profound ignorance of science and natural law, might be pointed out in Christ's teachings, if we had space for them. It has always been alleged by orthodox Christendom, that Christ's teaching and moral system are so faultless as to challenge criticism, and so perfect as to defy improvement. But this is a serious mistake. For most of his precepts and moral inculcations which are not directly at war with the principles of science, or do not involve a flagrant violation of the laws of nature, are, nevertheless, characterized by a lawless and extravagant mode of expression peculiar to semi-savage life, and which, as it renders it impossible to reduce them to practice, shows they could not have emanated from a philosopher, or man of science, or a man of evenly-balanced mind. They impose upon the world a system of morality, pushed to such extremes that its own professed admirers do not live it out, or even attempt to do so. They long ago abandoned it as an impracticable duty. We will prove this by enumerating most of its requisitions, and showing that they are daily violated and trampled under foot by all Christendom. Where can the Christian professor be found who, 1. "takes no thought for the morrow" or, 2. who "lays not up treasure on earth," or, at least, tries to do it; or, 3. who "gives up all his property to the poor;" or who, "when his cloak is wrested from him by a robber," gives up his coat also; or who calls no man master or mister (the most common title in Christendom); or who calls no man father (if he has a father); or who calls no man a fool (when he knows he is a fool); or who, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turns the other to be battered up in the same way; or who prays without ceasing; or who rejoices when persecuted; or who forgives an enemy four hundred and ninety times (70 times 7); or who manifests by his practical life that he loves his enemies (the way he loves him is to report him to the grand jury, or hand him over to the sheriff); or who forsakes houses and land, and everything, "for the kingdom of heaven's sake." No Christian professor lives up to these precepts, or any of them, or even tries to do so. To talk, therefore, of finding a practical Christian, while nearly the whole moral code of Christ is thus daily and habitually outraged and trampled under foot by all the churches and every one of the two hundred millions of Christian professors, is bitter irony and supreme solecism. We would go five hundred miles, or pay five hundred dollars, to see a Christian. If a man can be a Christian while openly and habitually violating every precept of Christ, then the word has no meaning. These precepts, the Christian world finding to be impossible to practice, have unanimously laid upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." They are the product of a mind with an ardent temperament, and the religious faculties developed to excess, and unrestrained by

them

How many times the word 'them' appears in the text?

(Luke ii. 49.) "The kingdom of heaven is not mine to give, but the Son's." (Matt. xx. 23.) "I am come in my Son's name, and ye receive me not" (John v. 43.) "God cried, Jesus, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Matt. xiii. 28.) "No man hath seen Jesus at any time." (1 John i. 5-) "Jesus created all things by his Son." (Eph. iii. 9.) "God sat down (in heaven) at the right hand of Jesus." (Luke xxii. 69.) "There is one Jesus, one mediator between Jesus and men." (Gal. iii. 20.) "Jesus gave his only begotten Father." (1 John iv. 9) "God knows not the hour, but Jesus does." (Mark viii. 32.) "God is the servant of Jesus." (Mark xii. 18.) "God is ordained by Jesus." (Acts xvii. 31.) "The head of God is Christ." (Eph. i. 3.) "We have an advocate with Jesus, God the righteous." (1 John ii. 1.) "Jesus gave all power to God." (Matt, xxviii. 18.) "God abode all night in prayer to Jesus." (Luke vi. 12.) "God came down from heaven to do the will of Jesus." (John vi. 38.) "Jesus has made the Father his high priest." (Heb. x. 24.) "Last of all, the Son sent the Father." (Matt. xxi. 39.) "Jesus will save the world by that God whom he hath ordained." "Jesus is God of the Father." (John xx. 17.) "Jesus hath exalted God, and given him a more excellent name." (Phil. ii. 9.) "Jesus hath made God a little lower than the angels." (Heb. ii. 9.) "God can do nothing except what he seeth Jesus do." (John v. 19.) Now, the question arises, Is the above representation a true one? Most certainly it must be, if Jesus and the Father are but one almighty Being. A change of names and titles cannot alter the truth nor the sense. To say that Chief Justice Chase has gone south; Secretary Chase has gone south; Governor Chase has gone south; Ex-Senator Chase has gone south, or Salmon P. Chase has gone south, are affirmations equally true and equally sensible, because they all have reference to the same being; the case is to plain to need argument. The above reversal of names and titles of Jesus and the Father may sound very unpleasant and rather grating to Christ-adoring Christians, simply because it is the transposition of the tides of two very scripturally dissimilar beings, instead of being, as generally taught by orthodox Christians, "one in essence, one in mind, one in body or being, and one in name," as the Rev. Mr. Barnes affirms. Most self-evidently false is his statement, based solely on scriptural ground. If Jesus is "very God," and there is but one God, then the foregoing transposition cannot mar the sense nor altar the truth of one text quoted. CHAPTER XLI. THE PRECEPTS AND PRACTICAL LIFE OF JESUS CHRIST; HIS TWO HUNDRED ERRORS THE exaltation of men to the character and homage of divine beings has always had the effect to draw a vail over their errors and imperfections, so as to render them imperceptible to those who worship them as Gods. This is true of nearly all the deified men of antiquity, who were adored as incarnate divinities, among which may be included the Christian's man-God, Jesus Christ. The practice of the followers of these Gods has been, when an error was pointed out in their teachings, brought to light by the progress of science and general intelligence, to bestow upon the text some new and unwarranted meaning, entirely incompatible with its literal reading, or else to insist with a godly zeal on the correctness of the sentiment inculcated by the text, and thus essay to make error pass for truth. In this way millions of the disciples of' these Gods have been misled and blinded, and made to believe by their religious teachers and their religious education, that everything taught by their assumed-to-be divine exemplars is perfect truth, in perfect harmony with science, sense, and true morals. Indeed, the perversion of the mind and judgment by a religious education has been in many cases carried to such an extreme as to cause their devout and prejudiced followers either to entirely overlook and ignore their erroneous teachings, or to magnify them into God-given truths, and thus, as before stated, clothe error with the livery of truth. This state of things, it has long been noticed by unprejudiced minds, exists amongst the millions of professed believers in the divinity of Jesus Christ. Hence the errors, both in his moral lessons and his practical life, have passed from age to age unnoticed, because his pious and awe-stricken followers, having been taught that he was a divine teacher, have assumed that his teachings must all be true; and hence, too, have instituted no scrutiny to determine their truth or falsity. But we will now proceed to show that the progress of' science and general intelligence has brought to light many errors, not only in his teachings, but in his practical life also. In enumerating them, we will arrange them under the head MORAL AND RELIGIOUS ERRORS. 1. The first moral precept in the teachings of Christ, which we will bring to notice, is one of a numerous class, which may very properly be arranged under the head of Moral Extremism. We find many of his admonitions of this character. Nearly everything that is said is oversaid, carried to extremes--thus constituting an overwrought, extravagant system of morality, impracticable in its requisitions; as, for example, "Take no thought for the morrow." (Matt, v.) If the spirit of this injunction were carried out in practical life, there would be no grain sown and no seed planted in spring, no reaping done in harvest, and no crop garnered in autumn; and the result would be universal starvation in less than twelve months. But, fortunately for society, the Christian world have laid this positive injunction upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." 2. Christ's assumed-to-be most important requisition is found in the injunction, "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all else shall be added unto you." (Matt. vi. 33.) His early followers understood by this injunction, and doubtless understood it correctly, that they were to spend their lives in religious devotion, and neglect the practical duties of life, leaving "Providence" to take care of their families--a course of life which reduced many of them to the point of starvation. 3. The disciple of Christ is required, "when smitten on one cheek," to turn the other also that is, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turn the other, to be smashed up in like manner. This is an extravagant requisition, which none of his modern disciples even attempt to observe. 4. "Resist not evil" (Matt. v. 34) breathes forth a kindred spirit. This injunction requires you to stand with your hands in your pocket while being maltreated so cruelly and unmercifully that the forfeiture of your life may be the consequence--at least Christ's early followers so understood it. 5. The disciple of Christ is required, when his cloak is formally wrested from him, to give up his coat also. (See Matt, v.) And to carry out the principle, if the marauder demands it, he must next give up his boots, then his shirt, and thus strip himself of all his garments, and go naked. This looks like an invitation and bribe to robbery. 6. "Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth." (Matt. vi. 19.) This is another positive command of Christ, which the modern Christian world, by common consent, have laid on the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement," under the conviction that the wants of their families and the exigencies of sickness and old age cannot be served if they should live up to such an injunction. 7. "Sell all that thou hast,... and come and follow me," is another command which bespeaks more piety than wisdom, as all who have attempted to comply with it have reduced their families to beggary and want. 8. "If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him." Then he must hate it, as there are but the two principles, and "from hate proceed envy, strife, evil surmisings, and persecution." Evidently the remedy in this case for "worldly-mindedness" is worse than the disease. 9. "He that cometh to me, and hateth not father, mother, brother, and sister, &c., cannot be my disciple." (Luke xiv. 26). This breathes forth the same spirit as the last text quoted above. Many learned expositions have been penned by Christian writers to make it appear, that hate in this case does not mean hate. But certainly it would be a slander upon infinite wisdom to leave it to be inferred that he could not say or "inspire" his disciples to say exactly what he meant, and to say it so plainly as to leave no possibility of being misunderstood, or leave any ground for dispute about the meaning. 10. "Rejoice and be exceeding glad" when persecuted. (Matt. v. 4.) Now, as a state of rejoicing is the highest condition of happiness that can be realized, such advice must naturally prompt the religious zealot to court persecution, in order to obtain complete happiness, and consequently to pursue a dare-devil life to provoke persecution. 11. "Whosoever shall seek to save his life, shall lose it," &c. (Luke xvii. 33.) Here is displayed the spirit of martyrdom which has made millions reckless of life, and goaded on the frenzied bigot to seek the fiery fagot and the halter. We regard it as another display of religious fanaticism. 12. "Ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake." (Matt. x. 12.) How repulsive must have been their doctrines or their conduct! No sensible religion could excite the universal hatred of mankind. For it would contain something adapted to the moral, religious, or spiritual taste of some class or portion of society, and hence make it and its disciples loved instead of hated. And then how could they be "hated of all men," when not one man in a thousand ever heard of them? Here is more of the extravagance of religious enthusiasm. 13. "Shake off the dust of your feet" against those who cannot see the truth or utility of your doctrines. (Matt. x. 14.) Here Christ encourages in his disciples a spirit of contempt for the opinions of others calculated to make them "hated." A proper regard for the rules of good-breeding would have forbidden such rudeness toward strangers for a mere honest difference of opinion. 14. "Take nothing for your journey, neither staff, nor scrip, nor purse" (Mark vi. 8); that is "sponge on your friends, and force yourselves on your enemies," the latter class of which seem to have been much the most numerous. A preacher who should attempt to carry out this advice at the present day would be stopped at the first toll-gate, and compelled to return. Here is more violation of the rules of good-breeding, and the common courtesies of civilized life. 15. "Go and teach all nations," &c. Why issue an injunction that could not possibly be carried out? It never has been, and never will be, executed, for three-fourths of the human race have never yet heard of Christianity. It was not, therefore, a mark of wisdom, or a superior mind, to issue such an injunction. 16. "And he that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned." What intolerance, bigotry, relentless cruelty, and ignorance of the science of mind are here displayed! No philosopher would give utterance to, or indorse such a sentiment. It assumes that belief is a creature of the will, and that a man can believe anything he chooses, which is wide of the truth. And the assumption has been followed by persecution, misery, and bloodshed. 17. "All things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Matt. xxi. 22.) Here is an entire negation of natural law in the necessity of physical labor as a means to procure the comforts of life. When anything is wanted in the shape of food or raiment, it is to be obtained, according to this text, by going down on your knees and asking God to bestow it. But no Christian ever realized "all things whatsoever asked for in prayer," thought "believing with all his heart" he should obtain it. The author knows, by his own practical experience, that this declaration is not true. This promise has been falsified thousands of times by thousands of praying Christians. 18. "Be not called rabbi." "Call no man your father." (Matt, xxiii.) The Christian world assume that much of what Christ taught is mere idle nonsense, or the incoherent utterings of a religious fanatic; for they pay no more practical attention to it than the barking of a dog. And here is one command treated in this manner: "Call no man father." Where is the Christian who refuses to call his earthly sire a father? 19. "Call no man master." (Matt, xxiii.) And yet mister, which is the same thing, is the most common title in Christendom. 20. He who enunciates the two words, "'Thou fool.' shall be in danger of hell fire." (Matt, xxii.) Mercy! Who, then, can be saved? For there is probably not a live Christian in the world who has not called somebody a "fool," when he knew him to be such, and could not with truthfulness be called anything else. Here, then, is another command universally ignored and "indefinitely postponed." 21. "Swear not at all, neither by heaven nor earth." (Matt, v.) And yet no Christian refuses to indulge in legal, if not profane, swearing which the text evidently forbids. 22. "Men ought always to pray." (Luke xviii.) No time to be allowed for eating or sleeping. More religious fanaticism. 23. "Whosoever will be chief among you let him be your servant" (Matt. xx. 27); that is, no Christian professor shall be a president, governor, major-general, deacon, or priest. Another command laid on the table. 24. "Love your enemies." (Matt. v. 44.) Then what kind of feeling should we cultivate toward friends? And how much did he love his enemies when he called them "fools," "liars," "hypocrites," "generation of vipers," &c.? And yet he is held up as "our" example in love, meekness, and forbearance. But no man ever did love an enemy. It is a moral impossibility, as much so as to love bitter or nauseating food. The advice of the Roman slave Syrus is indicative of more sense and wisdom--"Treat your enemy kindly, and thus make him a friend." 25. We are required to forgive an enemy four hundred and ninety times; that is, "seventy times seven." (Matt, vii.) Another outburst of religious enthusiasm; another proof of an overheated imagination. 26. "Be ye perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect." (Matt. v. 48.) Here is more of the religious extravagance of a mind uncultured by science. For it is self-evident that human beings can make no approximation to divine perfection. The distance between human imperfection and a perfect God is, and ever must be, infinite. 27. Christ commended those who "became eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake" (Matt. xix. 12)--a custom requiring a murderous, self-butchering process; destructive of the energies of life and the vigor of manhood, and rendering the subject weak, effeminate, and mopish, and unfit for the business of life. It is a low species of piety, and discloses a lamentable lack of a scientific knowledge of the true functions of the sexual organs on the part of Jesus. 28. Christ also encouraged his disciples to "pluck out the eye," and "cut off the hand," as a means of rendering it impossible to perpetrate evil with those members. And we would suggest, if such advice is consistent with sound reasoning, the head also should be cut off, as a means of more effectually carrying out the same principle. Such advice never came from the mouth of a philosopher. It is a part of Christ's system of extravagant piety. 29. He also taught the senseless, oriental tradition of "the unpardonable sin against the Holy Ghost"--a fabulous being who figured more anciently in the history of various countries. (See Chapter XXII.) No philosopher or man of science could harbor such childish misconceptions as are embodied in this tradition, which neither describes the being nor explains the nature of the sin. 30. We find many proofs, in Christ's Gospel history, that he believed in the ancient heathen tradition which taught that disease is caused by demons and evil spirits. (See Luke vii. 21, and viii. 2.) 31. Many cases are reported of his relieving the obsessed by casting out the diabolical intruders, in imitation of the oriental custom long in vogue in various countries, by which he evinced a profound ignorance of the natural causes of disease. 32. Christ also taught the old pagan superstition that "God is a God of anger," while modern science teaches that it would be as impossible for a God of perfect and infinite attributes to experience the feeling of anger as to commit suicide; and recent discoveries in physiology prove that anger is a species of suicide, and that it is also a species of insanity. Hence an angry God would be an insane God--an omnipotent lunatic, "ruling the kingdom of heaven," which would make heaven a lunatic asylum, and rather a dangerous place to live. 33. And Christ's injunction to "fear God" also implies that he is an angry being. (See Luke xxiii. 40.) But y past history proves that "the fear of God" has always been the great lever of priestcraft, and the most paltry and pitiful motive that ever moved the human mind. It has paralyzed the noblest intellects, crushed the elasticity of youth, and augmented the hesitating indecision of old age, and finally filled the world with cowardly, trembling slaves. No philosopher will either love or worship a God he fears. "The fear of the Lord" is a very ancient heathen superstition. 34. The inducement Christ holds out for leading a virtuous life by the promise of "Well done, thou good and faithful servant," bespeaks a childish ignorance of the nature of the human mind and the true science of life. It ranks with the promise of the nurse of sugar-plums to the boy if he would keep his garments unsoiled. (For the remainder of the two hundred errors of Christ, see Vol. II.) There are many other errors found in the precepts and practical life of Jesus Christ (which we are compelled to omit an exposition of here), such as his losing his temper, and abusing the money-changers by overthrowing their counting-table, and expelling them from the temple with a whip of cords when engaged in a lawful' and laudable business; his getting mad at and cursing the fig tree; his dooming Capernaum to hell in a fit of anger; his being deceived by two of his disciples (Peter and Judas), which prompted him to call them devils; his implied approval of David, with his fourteen crimes and penitentiary deeds, and also Abraham, with his falsehoods, polygamy, and incest, and his implied sanction of the Old Testament, with all its errors and numerous crimes; his promise to his twelve apostles to "sit upon the twelve thrones of Israel" in heaven, thus evincing a very limited and childish conception of the enjoyments of the future life; his puerile idea of sin, consisting in a personal affront to a personal God; his omission to say anything about human freedom, the inalienable rights of man, &c. THE SCIENTIFIC ERRORS OF CHRIST. That Jesus Christ was neither a natural or moral philosopher is evident from the following facts:-- 1. He never made any use of the word "philosophy." 2. Never gave utterance to the word "science." 3. Never spoke of a natural law, or assigned a natural cause for anything. The fact that he never made use of these words now so current in all civilized countries, is evidence that he was totally ignorant of these important branches of knowledge, the cultivation of which is now known to be essential to the progress of civilization. And yet it is claimed his religion has been a great lever in the advancement of civilization. But this is a mistake--a solemn mistake, as elsewhere shown. (See Chap. XLV.) 4. Everything to Christ was miracle; everything was produced and controlled by the arbitrary power of an angry or irascible God. He evidently had no idea of a ruling principle in nature or of the existence of natural law, as controlling any event he witnessed. Hence he set no bounds to anything, and recognized no limits to the possible. He believed God to be a supernatural personal being, who possessed unlimited power, and who ruled and controlled everything by his arbitrary will, without any law or any limitation to its exercises. Hence he told his disciples they would have anything they prayed for in faith; that by faith they could roll mountains into the sea, or bring to a halt the rolling billows of the mighty deep. He evidently believed that the forked lightning, the out-bursting earth-shaking thunder, and the roaring, heaving volcano were but pliant tools or obsequious servants to the man of faith. And he displays no less ignorance of the laws of mind than the laws of nature; thus proving him to have been neither a natural, moral, nor mental philosopher. He omitted to teach the great moral lessons learned by human experience, of which he was evidently totally ignorant. 5. He never taught that the practice of virtue contains its own reward. 6. That the question of right and wrong of any action is to be decided by its effect upon the individual, or upon society. 7. That no life can be displeasing to God which is useful to man. 8. And he omitted to teach the most important lesson that can engage the attention of man, viz.: that the great purpose of life is self-development. 9. That no person can attain or approximate to real happiness without bestowing a special attention to the cultivation and exercise of all the mental and physical faculties, so far as to keep them in a healthy condition. None of the important lessons above named are hinted at in his teachings, which, if punctually observed, would do more to advance the happiness of the human race than all the sermons Christ or Chrishna ever preached, or ever taught. 10. And then he taught many doctrines which are plainly contradicted by the established principle of modern science, such as,-- 11. Diseases being produced by demons, devils, or wicked spirits. (See Mark ix. 20.) Christ nowhere assigns a natural cause for disease, or a scientific explanation for its cure. 12. His rebuking a fever discloses a similar lack of scientific knowledge. ( See Luke iv. 39.) 13. His belief in a literal hell and a lake of fire and brimstone (see Matt, xviii. 8) is an ancient heathen superstition science knows nothing about, and has no use for. 14. His belief in a personal devil also (see Matt. xvii. 88), which is another oriental tradition, furnishes more sad proof of an utter want of scientific knowledge, as science has no place for and no use for such a being. 15. Christ taught the unphilosophical doctrine of repentance, as he declared he "came to call sinners to repentance" (Matt. ix. 13)--a mental process, which consists merely in a revival of early impressions, and often leads a person to condemn that which is right, as well as that which is wrong. (For proof, see Chapter XLIII.) 16. The doctrine of "forgiveness," which Christ so often inculcated, is also at variance with the teachings of science, as it can do nothing toward changing the nature of the act forgiven, or toward cancelling its previous effects upon society. Science teaches that every crime has its penalty attached to it, which no act of forgiveness, by God or man, can arrest or set aside. 17. But nothing evinces, perhaps, more clearly Christ's total lack of scientific knowledge than his holding a man responsible for his belief, and condemning for disbelief, as he does in numerous instances (see Mark xvi. 16), for a man could as easily control the circulation of the blood in his veins as control his belief. Science teaches that belief depends upon evidence, and without it, it is impossible to believe, and with it, it is impossible to disbelieve. How foolish and unphilosophical, therefore, to condemn for either belief or disbelief! 18. The numerous cases in which Christ speaks of the heart as being the seat of consciousness, instead of the brain, evinces a remarkable ignorance of the science of mental philosophy. He speaks of an "upright heart," "a pure heart," &'c., when "an upright liver," "a pure liver," would be as sensible, as the latter has as much to do with the character as the former. 19. And the many cases in which he makes it meritorious to have a right "faith," and places it above reason, and assumes it to be a voluntary act, shows his utter ignorance of the nature of the human mind. 20. And Christ evinced a remarkable ignorance of the cause of physical defects, when he told his hearers a certain man was born blind, in order that he might cure him. (Matt. vii. 22.) 21. And Christ's declaration, that those who marry are not worthy of being saved (see Luke xx. 34), shows that he was very ignorant of the nature of the sexual functions of the human system. 22. Nothing could more completely demonstrate a total ignorance of the grand science of astronomy than Christ's prediction of the stars falling to the earth. (See Luke xxi. 25.) 23. And the conflagration of the world, "the gathering of the elect," and the realization of a fancied millennium, which he several times predicted would take place in his time, "before this generation pass away" (Matt, xxiv. 34), proves a like ignorance, both of astronomy and philosophy. 24. And his cursing of the fig tree for not bearing fruit in the winter season (see Matt. xxi. 20), not only proves his ignorance of the laws of nature, but evinces a bad temper. 25. Christ indorses the truth of Noah's flood story (see Luke xvii. 27), which every person at the present day, versed in science and natural law, knows is mere fiction, and never took place. And numerous other errors, evincing the most profound ignorance of science and natural law, might be pointed out in Christ's teachings, if we had space for them. It has always been alleged by orthodox Christendom, that Christ's teaching and moral system are so faultless as to challenge criticism, and so perfect as to defy improvement. But this is a serious mistake. For most of his precepts and moral inculcations which are not directly at war with the principles of science, or do not involve a flagrant violation of the laws of nature, are, nevertheless, characterized by a lawless and extravagant mode of expression peculiar to semi-savage life, and which, as it renders it impossible to reduce them to practice, shows they could not have emanated from a philosopher, or man of science, or a man of evenly-balanced mind. They impose upon the world a system of morality, pushed to such extremes that its own professed admirers do not live it out, or even attempt to do so. They long ago abandoned it as an impracticable duty. We will prove this by enumerating most of its requisitions, and showing that they are daily violated and trampled under foot by all Christendom. Where can the Christian professor be found who, 1. "takes no thought for the morrow" or, 2. who "lays not up treasure on earth," or, at least, tries to do it; or, 3. who "gives up all his property to the poor;" or who, "when his cloak is wrested from him by a robber," gives up his coat also; or who calls no man master or mister (the most common title in Christendom); or who calls no man father (if he has a father); or who calls no man a fool (when he knows he is a fool); or who, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turns the other to be battered up in the same way; or who prays without ceasing; or who rejoices when persecuted; or who forgives an enemy four hundred and ninety times (70 times 7); or who manifests by his practical life that he loves his enemies (the way he loves him is to report him to the grand jury, or hand him over to the sheriff); or who forsakes houses and land, and everything, "for the kingdom of heaven's sake." No Christian professor lives up to these precepts, or any of them, or even tries to do so. To talk, therefore, of finding a practical Christian, while nearly the whole moral code of Christ is thus daily and habitually outraged and trampled under foot by all the churches and every one of the two hundred millions of Christian professors, is bitter irony and supreme solecism. We would go five hundred miles, or pay five hundred dollars, to see a Christian. If a man can be a Christian while openly and habitually violating every precept of Christ, then the word has no meaning. These precepts, the Christian world finding to be impossible to practice, have unanimously laid upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." They are the product of a mind with an ardent temperament, and the religious faculties developed to excess, and unrestrained by

rule

How many times the word 'rule' appears in the text?

(Luke ii. 49.) "The kingdom of heaven is not mine to give, but the Son's." (Matt. xx. 23.) "I am come in my Son's name, and ye receive me not" (John v. 43.) "God cried, Jesus, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Matt. xiii. 28.) "No man hath seen Jesus at any time." (1 John i. 5-) "Jesus created all things by his Son." (Eph. iii. 9.) "God sat down (in heaven) at the right hand of Jesus." (Luke xxii. 69.) "There is one Jesus, one mediator between Jesus and men." (Gal. iii. 20.) "Jesus gave his only begotten Father." (1 John iv. 9) "God knows not the hour, but Jesus does." (Mark viii. 32.) "God is the servant of Jesus." (Mark xii. 18.) "God is ordained by Jesus." (Acts xvii. 31.) "The head of God is Christ." (Eph. i. 3.) "We have an advocate with Jesus, God the righteous." (1 John ii. 1.) "Jesus gave all power to God." (Matt, xxviii. 18.) "God abode all night in prayer to Jesus." (Luke vi. 12.) "God came down from heaven to do the will of Jesus." (John vi. 38.) "Jesus has made the Father his high priest." (Heb. x. 24.) "Last of all, the Son sent the Father." (Matt. xxi. 39.) "Jesus will save the world by that God whom he hath ordained." "Jesus is God of the Father." (John xx. 17.) "Jesus hath exalted God, and given him a more excellent name." (Phil. ii. 9.) "Jesus hath made God a little lower than the angels." (Heb. ii. 9.) "God can do nothing except what he seeth Jesus do." (John v. 19.) Now, the question arises, Is the above representation a true one? Most certainly it must be, if Jesus and the Father are but one almighty Being. A change of names and titles cannot alter the truth nor the sense. To say that Chief Justice Chase has gone south; Secretary Chase has gone south; Governor Chase has gone south; Ex-Senator Chase has gone south, or Salmon P. Chase has gone south, are affirmations equally true and equally sensible, because they all have reference to the same being; the case is to plain to need argument. The above reversal of names and titles of Jesus and the Father may sound very unpleasant and rather grating to Christ-adoring Christians, simply because it is the transposition of the tides of two very scripturally dissimilar beings, instead of being, as generally taught by orthodox Christians, "one in essence, one in mind, one in body or being, and one in name," as the Rev. Mr. Barnes affirms. Most self-evidently false is his statement, based solely on scriptural ground. If Jesus is "very God," and there is but one God, then the foregoing transposition cannot mar the sense nor altar the truth of one text quoted. CHAPTER XLI. THE PRECEPTS AND PRACTICAL LIFE OF JESUS CHRIST; HIS TWO HUNDRED ERRORS THE exaltation of men to the character and homage of divine beings has always had the effect to draw a vail over their errors and imperfections, so as to render them imperceptible to those who worship them as Gods. This is true of nearly all the deified men of antiquity, who were adored as incarnate divinities, among which may be included the Christian's man-God, Jesus Christ. The practice of the followers of these Gods has been, when an error was pointed out in their teachings, brought to light by the progress of science and general intelligence, to bestow upon the text some new and unwarranted meaning, entirely incompatible with its literal reading, or else to insist with a godly zeal on the correctness of the sentiment inculcated by the text, and thus essay to make error pass for truth. In this way millions of the disciples of' these Gods have been misled and blinded, and made to believe by their religious teachers and their religious education, that everything taught by their assumed-to-be divine exemplars is perfect truth, in perfect harmony with science, sense, and true morals. Indeed, the perversion of the mind and judgment by a religious education has been in many cases carried to such an extreme as to cause their devout and prejudiced followers either to entirely overlook and ignore their erroneous teachings, or to magnify them into God-given truths, and thus, as before stated, clothe error with the livery of truth. This state of things, it has long been noticed by unprejudiced minds, exists amongst the millions of professed believers in the divinity of Jesus Christ. Hence the errors, both in his moral lessons and his practical life, have passed from age to age unnoticed, because his pious and awe-stricken followers, having been taught that he was a divine teacher, have assumed that his teachings must all be true; and hence, too, have instituted no scrutiny to determine their truth or falsity. But we will now proceed to show that the progress of' science and general intelligence has brought to light many errors, not only in his teachings, but in his practical life also. In enumerating them, we will arrange them under the head MORAL AND RELIGIOUS ERRORS. 1. The first moral precept in the teachings of Christ, which we will bring to notice, is one of a numerous class, which may very properly be arranged under the head of Moral Extremism. We find many of his admonitions of this character. Nearly everything that is said is oversaid, carried to extremes--thus constituting an overwrought, extravagant system of morality, impracticable in its requisitions; as, for example, "Take no thought for the morrow." (Matt, v.) If the spirit of this injunction were carried out in practical life, there would be no grain sown and no seed planted in spring, no reaping done in harvest, and no crop garnered in autumn; and the result would be universal starvation in less than twelve months. But, fortunately for society, the Christian world have laid this positive injunction upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." 2. Christ's assumed-to-be most important requisition is found in the injunction, "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all else shall be added unto you." (Matt. vi. 33.) His early followers understood by this injunction, and doubtless understood it correctly, that they were to spend their lives in religious devotion, and neglect the practical duties of life, leaving "Providence" to take care of their families--a course of life which reduced many of them to the point of starvation. 3. The disciple of Christ is required, "when smitten on one cheek," to turn the other also that is, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turn the other, to be smashed up in like manner. This is an extravagant requisition, which none of his modern disciples even attempt to observe. 4. "Resist not evil" (Matt. v. 34) breathes forth a kindred spirit. This injunction requires you to stand with your hands in your pocket while being maltreated so cruelly and unmercifully that the forfeiture of your life may be the consequence--at least Christ's early followers so understood it. 5. The disciple of Christ is required, when his cloak is formally wrested from him, to give up his coat also. (See Matt, v.) And to carry out the principle, if the marauder demands it, he must next give up his boots, then his shirt, and thus strip himself of all his garments, and go naked. This looks like an invitation and bribe to robbery. 6. "Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth." (Matt. vi. 19.) This is another positive command of Christ, which the modern Christian world, by common consent, have laid on the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement," under the conviction that the wants of their families and the exigencies of sickness and old age cannot be served if they should live up to such an injunction. 7. "Sell all that thou hast,... and come and follow me," is another command which bespeaks more piety than wisdom, as all who have attempted to comply with it have reduced their families to beggary and want. 8. "If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him." Then he must hate it, as there are but the two principles, and "from hate proceed envy, strife, evil surmisings, and persecution." Evidently the remedy in this case for "worldly-mindedness" is worse than the disease. 9. "He that cometh to me, and hateth not father, mother, brother, and sister, &c., cannot be my disciple." (Luke xiv. 26). This breathes forth the same spirit as the last text quoted above. Many learned expositions have been penned by Christian writers to make it appear, that hate in this case does not mean hate. But certainly it would be a slander upon infinite wisdom to leave it to be inferred that he could not say or "inspire" his disciples to say exactly what he meant, and to say it so plainly as to leave no possibility of being misunderstood, or leave any ground for dispute about the meaning. 10. "Rejoice and be exceeding glad" when persecuted. (Matt. v. 4.) Now, as a state of rejoicing is the highest condition of happiness that can be realized, such advice must naturally prompt the religious zealot to court persecution, in order to obtain complete happiness, and consequently to pursue a dare-devil life to provoke persecution. 11. "Whosoever shall seek to save his life, shall lose it," &c. (Luke xvii. 33.) Here is displayed the spirit of martyrdom which has made millions reckless of life, and goaded on the frenzied bigot to seek the fiery fagot and the halter. We regard it as another display of religious fanaticism. 12. "Ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake." (Matt. x. 12.) How repulsive must have been their doctrines or their conduct! No sensible religion could excite the universal hatred of mankind. For it would contain something adapted to the moral, religious, or spiritual taste of some class or portion of society, and hence make it and its disciples loved instead of hated. And then how could they be "hated of all men," when not one man in a thousand ever heard of them? Here is more of the extravagance of religious enthusiasm. 13. "Shake off the dust of your feet" against those who cannot see the truth or utility of your doctrines. (Matt. x. 14.) Here Christ encourages in his disciples a spirit of contempt for the opinions of others calculated to make them "hated." A proper regard for the rules of good-breeding would have forbidden such rudeness toward strangers for a mere honest difference of opinion. 14. "Take nothing for your journey, neither staff, nor scrip, nor purse" (Mark vi. 8); that is "sponge on your friends, and force yourselves on your enemies," the latter class of which seem to have been much the most numerous. A preacher who should attempt to carry out this advice at the present day would be stopped at the first toll-gate, and compelled to return. Here is more violation of the rules of good-breeding, and the common courtesies of civilized life. 15. "Go and teach all nations," &c. Why issue an injunction that could not possibly be carried out? It never has been, and never will be, executed, for three-fourths of the human race have never yet heard of Christianity. It was not, therefore, a mark of wisdom, or a superior mind, to issue such an injunction. 16. "And he that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned." What intolerance, bigotry, relentless cruelty, and ignorance of the science of mind are here displayed! No philosopher would give utterance to, or indorse such a sentiment. It assumes that belief is a creature of the will, and that a man can believe anything he chooses, which is wide of the truth. And the assumption has been followed by persecution, misery, and bloodshed. 17. "All things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Matt. xxi. 22.) Here is an entire negation of natural law in the necessity of physical labor as a means to procure the comforts of life. When anything is wanted in the shape of food or raiment, it is to be obtained, according to this text, by going down on your knees and asking God to bestow it. But no Christian ever realized "all things whatsoever asked for in prayer," thought "believing with all his heart" he should obtain it. The author knows, by his own practical experience, that this declaration is not true. This promise has been falsified thousands of times by thousands of praying Christians. 18. "Be not called rabbi." "Call no man your father." (Matt, xxiii.) The Christian world assume that much of what Christ taught is mere idle nonsense, or the incoherent utterings of a religious fanatic; for they pay no more practical attention to it than the barking of a dog. And here is one command treated in this manner: "Call no man father." Where is the Christian who refuses to call his earthly sire a father? 19. "Call no man master." (Matt, xxiii.) And yet mister, which is the same thing, is the most common title in Christendom. 20. He who enunciates the two words, "'Thou fool.' shall be in danger of hell fire." (Matt, xxii.) Mercy! Who, then, can be saved? For there is probably not a live Christian in the world who has not called somebody a "fool," when he knew him to be such, and could not with truthfulness be called anything else. Here, then, is another command universally ignored and "indefinitely postponed." 21. "Swear not at all, neither by heaven nor earth." (Matt, v.) And yet no Christian refuses to indulge in legal, if not profane, swearing which the text evidently forbids. 22. "Men ought always to pray." (Luke xviii.) No time to be allowed for eating or sleeping. More religious fanaticism. 23. "Whosoever will be chief among you let him be your servant" (Matt. xx. 27); that is, no Christian professor shall be a president, governor, major-general, deacon, or priest. Another command laid on the table. 24. "Love your enemies." (Matt. v. 44.) Then what kind of feeling should we cultivate toward friends? And how much did he love his enemies when he called them "fools," "liars," "hypocrites," "generation of vipers," &c.? And yet he is held up as "our" example in love, meekness, and forbearance. But no man ever did love an enemy. It is a moral impossibility, as much so as to love bitter or nauseating food. The advice of the Roman slave Syrus is indicative of more sense and wisdom--"Treat your enemy kindly, and thus make him a friend." 25. We are required to forgive an enemy four hundred and ninety times; that is, "seventy times seven." (Matt, vii.) Another outburst of religious enthusiasm; another proof of an overheated imagination. 26. "Be ye perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect." (Matt. v. 48.) Here is more of the religious extravagance of a mind uncultured by science. For it is self-evident that human beings can make no approximation to divine perfection. The distance between human imperfection and a perfect God is, and ever must be, infinite. 27. Christ commended those who "became eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake" (Matt. xix. 12)--a custom requiring a murderous, self-butchering process; destructive of the energies of life and the vigor of manhood, and rendering the subject weak, effeminate, and mopish, and unfit for the business of life. It is a low species of piety, and discloses a lamentable lack of a scientific knowledge of the true functions of the sexual organs on the part of Jesus. 28. Christ also encouraged his disciples to "pluck out the eye," and "cut off the hand," as a means of rendering it impossible to perpetrate evil with those members. And we would suggest, if such advice is consistent with sound reasoning, the head also should be cut off, as a means of more effectually carrying out the same principle. Such advice never came from the mouth of a philosopher. It is a part of Christ's system of extravagant piety. 29. He also taught the senseless, oriental tradition of "the unpardonable sin against the Holy Ghost"--a fabulous being who figured more anciently in the history of various countries. (See Chapter XXII.) No philosopher or man of science could harbor such childish misconceptions as are embodied in this tradition, which neither describes the being nor explains the nature of the sin. 30. We find many proofs, in Christ's Gospel history, that he believed in the ancient heathen tradition which taught that disease is caused by demons and evil spirits. (See Luke vii. 21, and viii. 2.) 31. Many cases are reported of his relieving the obsessed by casting out the diabolical intruders, in imitation of the oriental custom long in vogue in various countries, by which he evinced a profound ignorance of the natural causes of disease. 32. Christ also taught the old pagan superstition that "God is a God of anger," while modern science teaches that it would be as impossible for a God of perfect and infinite attributes to experience the feeling of anger as to commit suicide; and recent discoveries in physiology prove that anger is a species of suicide, and that it is also a species of insanity. Hence an angry God would be an insane God--an omnipotent lunatic, "ruling the kingdom of heaven," which would make heaven a lunatic asylum, and rather a dangerous place to live. 33. And Christ's injunction to "fear God" also implies that he is an angry being. (See Luke xxiii. 40.) But y past history proves that "the fear of God" has always been the great lever of priestcraft, and the most paltry and pitiful motive that ever moved the human mind. It has paralyzed the noblest intellects, crushed the elasticity of youth, and augmented the hesitating indecision of old age, and finally filled the world with cowardly, trembling slaves. No philosopher will either love or worship a God he fears. "The fear of the Lord" is a very ancient heathen superstition. 34. The inducement Christ holds out for leading a virtuous life by the promise of "Well done, thou good and faithful servant," bespeaks a childish ignorance of the nature of the human mind and the true science of life. It ranks with the promise of the nurse of sugar-plums to the boy if he would keep his garments unsoiled. (For the remainder of the two hundred errors of Christ, see Vol. II.) There are many other errors found in the precepts and practical life of Jesus Christ (which we are compelled to omit an exposition of here), such as his losing his temper, and abusing the money-changers by overthrowing their counting-table, and expelling them from the temple with a whip of cords when engaged in a lawful' and laudable business; his getting mad at and cursing the fig tree; his dooming Capernaum to hell in a fit of anger; his being deceived by two of his disciples (Peter and Judas), which prompted him to call them devils; his implied approval of David, with his fourteen crimes and penitentiary deeds, and also Abraham, with his falsehoods, polygamy, and incest, and his implied sanction of the Old Testament, with all its errors and numerous crimes; his promise to his twelve apostles to "sit upon the twelve thrones of Israel" in heaven, thus evincing a very limited and childish conception of the enjoyments of the future life; his puerile idea of sin, consisting in a personal affront to a personal God; his omission to say anything about human freedom, the inalienable rights of man, &c. THE SCIENTIFIC ERRORS OF CHRIST. That Jesus Christ was neither a natural or moral philosopher is evident from the following facts:-- 1. He never made any use of the word "philosophy." 2. Never gave utterance to the word "science." 3. Never spoke of a natural law, or assigned a natural cause for anything. The fact that he never made use of these words now so current in all civilized countries, is evidence that he was totally ignorant of these important branches of knowledge, the cultivation of which is now known to be essential to the progress of civilization. And yet it is claimed his religion has been a great lever in the advancement of civilization. But this is a mistake--a solemn mistake, as elsewhere shown. (See Chap. XLV.) 4. Everything to Christ was miracle; everything was produced and controlled by the arbitrary power of an angry or irascible God. He evidently had no idea of a ruling principle in nature or of the existence of natural law, as controlling any event he witnessed. Hence he set no bounds to anything, and recognized no limits to the possible. He believed God to be a supernatural personal being, who possessed unlimited power, and who ruled and controlled everything by his arbitrary will, without any law or any limitation to its exercises. Hence he told his disciples they would have anything they prayed for in faith; that by faith they could roll mountains into the sea, or bring to a halt the rolling billows of the mighty deep. He evidently believed that the forked lightning, the out-bursting earth-shaking thunder, and the roaring, heaving volcano were but pliant tools or obsequious servants to the man of faith. And he displays no less ignorance of the laws of mind than the laws of nature; thus proving him to have been neither a natural, moral, nor mental philosopher. He omitted to teach the great moral lessons learned by human experience, of which he was evidently totally ignorant. 5. He never taught that the practice of virtue contains its own reward. 6. That the question of right and wrong of any action is to be decided by its effect upon the individual, or upon society. 7. That no life can be displeasing to God which is useful to man. 8. And he omitted to teach the most important lesson that can engage the attention of man, viz.: that the great purpose of life is self-development. 9. That no person can attain or approximate to real happiness without bestowing a special attention to the cultivation and exercise of all the mental and physical faculties, so far as to keep them in a healthy condition. None of the important lessons above named are hinted at in his teachings, which, if punctually observed, would do more to advance the happiness of the human race than all the sermons Christ or Chrishna ever preached, or ever taught. 10. And then he taught many doctrines which are plainly contradicted by the established principle of modern science, such as,-- 11. Diseases being produced by demons, devils, or wicked spirits. (See Mark ix. 20.) Christ nowhere assigns a natural cause for disease, or a scientific explanation for its cure. 12. His rebuking a fever discloses a similar lack of scientific knowledge. ( See Luke iv. 39.) 13. His belief in a literal hell and a lake of fire and brimstone (see Matt, xviii. 8) is an ancient heathen superstition science knows nothing about, and has no use for. 14. His belief in a personal devil also (see Matt. xvii. 88), which is another oriental tradition, furnishes more sad proof of an utter want of scientific knowledge, as science has no place for and no use for such a being. 15. Christ taught the unphilosophical doctrine of repentance, as he declared he "came to call sinners to repentance" (Matt. ix. 13)--a mental process, which consists merely in a revival of early impressions, and often leads a person to condemn that which is right, as well as that which is wrong. (For proof, see Chapter XLIII.) 16. The doctrine of "forgiveness," which Christ so often inculcated, is also at variance with the teachings of science, as it can do nothing toward changing the nature of the act forgiven, or toward cancelling its previous effects upon society. Science teaches that every crime has its penalty attached to it, which no act of forgiveness, by God or man, can arrest or set aside. 17. But nothing evinces, perhaps, more clearly Christ's total lack of scientific knowledge than his holding a man responsible for his belief, and condemning for disbelief, as he does in numerous instances (see Mark xvi. 16), for a man could as easily control the circulation of the blood in his veins as control his belief. Science teaches that belief depends upon evidence, and without it, it is impossible to believe, and with it, it is impossible to disbelieve. How foolish and unphilosophical, therefore, to condemn for either belief or disbelief! 18. The numerous cases in which Christ speaks of the heart as being the seat of consciousness, instead of the brain, evinces a remarkable ignorance of the science of mental philosophy. He speaks of an "upright heart," "a pure heart," &'c., when "an upright liver," "a pure liver," would be as sensible, as the latter has as much to do with the character as the former. 19. And the many cases in which he makes it meritorious to have a right "faith," and places it above reason, and assumes it to be a voluntary act, shows his utter ignorance of the nature of the human mind. 20. And Christ evinced a remarkable ignorance of the cause of physical defects, when he told his hearers a certain man was born blind, in order that he might cure him. (Matt. vii. 22.) 21. And Christ's declaration, that those who marry are not worthy of being saved (see Luke xx. 34), shows that he was very ignorant of the nature of the sexual functions of the human system. 22. Nothing could more completely demonstrate a total ignorance of the grand science of astronomy than Christ's prediction of the stars falling to the earth. (See Luke xxi. 25.) 23. And the conflagration of the world, "the gathering of the elect," and the realization of a fancied millennium, which he several times predicted would take place in his time, "before this generation pass away" (Matt, xxiv. 34), proves a like ignorance, both of astronomy and philosophy. 24. And his cursing of the fig tree for not bearing fruit in the winter season (see Matt. xxi. 20), not only proves his ignorance of the laws of nature, but evinces a bad temper. 25. Christ indorses the truth of Noah's flood story (see Luke xvii. 27), which every person at the present day, versed in science and natural law, knows is mere fiction, and never took place. And numerous other errors, evincing the most profound ignorance of science and natural law, might be pointed out in Christ's teachings, if we had space for them. It has always been alleged by orthodox Christendom, that Christ's teaching and moral system are so faultless as to challenge criticism, and so perfect as to defy improvement. But this is a serious mistake. For most of his precepts and moral inculcations which are not directly at war with the principles of science, or do not involve a flagrant violation of the laws of nature, are, nevertheless, characterized by a lawless and extravagant mode of expression peculiar to semi-savage life, and which, as it renders it impossible to reduce them to practice, shows they could not have emanated from a philosopher, or man of science, or a man of evenly-balanced mind. They impose upon the world a system of morality, pushed to such extremes that its own professed admirers do not live it out, or even attempt to do so. They long ago abandoned it as an impracticable duty. We will prove this by enumerating most of its requisitions, and showing that they are daily violated and trampled under foot by all Christendom. Where can the Christian professor be found who, 1. "takes no thought for the morrow" or, 2. who "lays not up treasure on earth," or, at least, tries to do it; or, 3. who "gives up all his property to the poor;" or who, "when his cloak is wrested from him by a robber," gives up his coat also; or who calls no man master or mister (the most common title in Christendom); or who calls no man father (if he has a father); or who calls no man a fool (when he knows he is a fool); or who, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turns the other to be battered up in the same way; or who prays without ceasing; or who rejoices when persecuted; or who forgives an enemy four hundred and ninety times (70 times 7); or who manifests by his practical life that he loves his enemies (the way he loves him is to report him to the grand jury, or hand him over to the sheriff); or who forsakes houses and land, and everything, "for the kingdom of heaven's sake." No Christian professor lives up to these precepts, or any of them, or even tries to do so. To talk, therefore, of finding a practical Christian, while nearly the whole moral code of Christ is thus daily and habitually outraged and trampled under foot by all the churches and every one of the two hundred millions of Christian professors, is bitter irony and supreme solecism. We would go five hundred miles, or pay five hundred dollars, to see a Christian. If a man can be a Christian while openly and habitually violating every precept of Christ, then the word has no meaning. These precepts, the Christian world finding to be impossible to practice, have unanimously laid upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." They are the product of a mind with an ardent temperament, and the religious faculties developed to excess, and unrestrained by

required

How many times the word 'required' appears in the text?

(Luke ii. 49.) "The kingdom of heaven is not mine to give, but the Son's." (Matt. xx. 23.) "I am come in my Son's name, and ye receive me not" (John v. 43.) "God cried, Jesus, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Matt. xiii. 28.) "No man hath seen Jesus at any time." (1 John i. 5-) "Jesus created all things by his Son." (Eph. iii. 9.) "God sat down (in heaven) at the right hand of Jesus." (Luke xxii. 69.) "There is one Jesus, one mediator between Jesus and men." (Gal. iii. 20.) "Jesus gave his only begotten Father." (1 John iv. 9) "God knows not the hour, but Jesus does." (Mark viii. 32.) "God is the servant of Jesus." (Mark xii. 18.) "God is ordained by Jesus." (Acts xvii. 31.) "The head of God is Christ." (Eph. i. 3.) "We have an advocate with Jesus, God the righteous." (1 John ii. 1.) "Jesus gave all power to God." (Matt, xxviii. 18.) "God abode all night in prayer to Jesus." (Luke vi. 12.) "God came down from heaven to do the will of Jesus." (John vi. 38.) "Jesus has made the Father his high priest." (Heb. x. 24.) "Last of all, the Son sent the Father." (Matt. xxi. 39.) "Jesus will save the world by that God whom he hath ordained." "Jesus is God of the Father." (John xx. 17.) "Jesus hath exalted God, and given him a more excellent name." (Phil. ii. 9.) "Jesus hath made God a little lower than the angels." (Heb. ii. 9.) "God can do nothing except what he seeth Jesus do." (John v. 19.) Now, the question arises, Is the above representation a true one? Most certainly it must be, if Jesus and the Father are but one almighty Being. A change of names and titles cannot alter the truth nor the sense. To say that Chief Justice Chase has gone south; Secretary Chase has gone south; Governor Chase has gone south; Ex-Senator Chase has gone south, or Salmon P. Chase has gone south, are affirmations equally true and equally sensible, because they all have reference to the same being; the case is to plain to need argument. The above reversal of names and titles of Jesus and the Father may sound very unpleasant and rather grating to Christ-adoring Christians, simply because it is the transposition of the tides of two very scripturally dissimilar beings, instead of being, as generally taught by orthodox Christians, "one in essence, one in mind, one in body or being, and one in name," as the Rev. Mr. Barnes affirms. Most self-evidently false is his statement, based solely on scriptural ground. If Jesus is "very God," and there is but one God, then the foregoing transposition cannot mar the sense nor altar the truth of one text quoted. CHAPTER XLI. THE PRECEPTS AND PRACTICAL LIFE OF JESUS CHRIST; HIS TWO HUNDRED ERRORS THE exaltation of men to the character and homage of divine beings has always had the effect to draw a vail over their errors and imperfections, so as to render them imperceptible to those who worship them as Gods. This is true of nearly all the deified men of antiquity, who were adored as incarnate divinities, among which may be included the Christian's man-God, Jesus Christ. The practice of the followers of these Gods has been, when an error was pointed out in their teachings, brought to light by the progress of science and general intelligence, to bestow upon the text some new and unwarranted meaning, entirely incompatible with its literal reading, or else to insist with a godly zeal on the correctness of the sentiment inculcated by the text, and thus essay to make error pass for truth. In this way millions of the disciples of' these Gods have been misled and blinded, and made to believe by their religious teachers and their religious education, that everything taught by their assumed-to-be divine exemplars is perfect truth, in perfect harmony with science, sense, and true morals. Indeed, the perversion of the mind and judgment by a religious education has been in many cases carried to such an extreme as to cause their devout and prejudiced followers either to entirely overlook and ignore their erroneous teachings, or to magnify them into God-given truths, and thus, as before stated, clothe error with the livery of truth. This state of things, it has long been noticed by unprejudiced minds, exists amongst the millions of professed believers in the divinity of Jesus Christ. Hence the errors, both in his moral lessons and his practical life, have passed from age to age unnoticed, because his pious and awe-stricken followers, having been taught that he was a divine teacher, have assumed that his teachings must all be true; and hence, too, have instituted no scrutiny to determine their truth or falsity. But we will now proceed to show that the progress of' science and general intelligence has brought to light many errors, not only in his teachings, but in his practical life also. In enumerating them, we will arrange them under the head MORAL AND RELIGIOUS ERRORS. 1. The first moral precept in the teachings of Christ, which we will bring to notice, is one of a numerous class, which may very properly be arranged under the head of Moral Extremism. We find many of his admonitions of this character. Nearly everything that is said is oversaid, carried to extremes--thus constituting an overwrought, extravagant system of morality, impracticable in its requisitions; as, for example, "Take no thought for the morrow." (Matt, v.) If the spirit of this injunction were carried out in practical life, there would be no grain sown and no seed planted in spring, no reaping done in harvest, and no crop garnered in autumn; and the result would be universal starvation in less than twelve months. But, fortunately for society, the Christian world have laid this positive injunction upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." 2. Christ's assumed-to-be most important requisition is found in the injunction, "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all else shall be added unto you." (Matt. vi. 33.) His early followers understood by this injunction, and doubtless understood it correctly, that they were to spend their lives in religious devotion, and neglect the practical duties of life, leaving "Providence" to take care of their families--a course of life which reduced many of them to the point of starvation. 3. The disciple of Christ is required, "when smitten on one cheek," to turn the other also that is, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turn the other, to be smashed up in like manner. This is an extravagant requisition, which none of his modern disciples even attempt to observe. 4. "Resist not evil" (Matt. v. 34) breathes forth a kindred spirit. This injunction requires you to stand with your hands in your pocket while being maltreated so cruelly and unmercifully that the forfeiture of your life may be the consequence--at least Christ's early followers so understood it. 5. The disciple of Christ is required, when his cloak is formally wrested from him, to give up his coat also. (See Matt, v.) And to carry out the principle, if the marauder demands it, he must next give up his boots, then his shirt, and thus strip himself of all his garments, and go naked. This looks like an invitation and bribe to robbery. 6. "Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth." (Matt. vi. 19.) This is another positive command of Christ, which the modern Christian world, by common consent, have laid on the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement," under the conviction that the wants of their families and the exigencies of sickness and old age cannot be served if they should live up to such an injunction. 7. "Sell all that thou hast,... and come and follow me," is another command which bespeaks more piety than wisdom, as all who have attempted to comply with it have reduced their families to beggary and want. 8. "If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him." Then he must hate it, as there are but the two principles, and "from hate proceed envy, strife, evil surmisings, and persecution." Evidently the remedy in this case for "worldly-mindedness" is worse than the disease. 9. "He that cometh to me, and hateth not father, mother, brother, and sister, &c., cannot be my disciple." (Luke xiv. 26). This breathes forth the same spirit as the last text quoted above. Many learned expositions have been penned by Christian writers to make it appear, that hate in this case does not mean hate. But certainly it would be a slander upon infinite wisdom to leave it to be inferred that he could not say or "inspire" his disciples to say exactly what he meant, and to say it so plainly as to leave no possibility of being misunderstood, or leave any ground for dispute about the meaning. 10. "Rejoice and be exceeding glad" when persecuted. (Matt. v. 4.) Now, as a state of rejoicing is the highest condition of happiness that can be realized, such advice must naturally prompt the religious zealot to court persecution, in order to obtain complete happiness, and consequently to pursue a dare-devil life to provoke persecution. 11. "Whosoever shall seek to save his life, shall lose it," &c. (Luke xvii. 33.) Here is displayed the spirit of martyrdom which has made millions reckless of life, and goaded on the frenzied bigot to seek the fiery fagot and the halter. We regard it as another display of religious fanaticism. 12. "Ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake." (Matt. x. 12.) How repulsive must have been their doctrines or their conduct! No sensible religion could excite the universal hatred of mankind. For it would contain something adapted to the moral, religious, or spiritual taste of some class or portion of society, and hence make it and its disciples loved instead of hated. And then how could they be "hated of all men," when not one man in a thousand ever heard of them? Here is more of the extravagance of religious enthusiasm. 13. "Shake off the dust of your feet" against those who cannot see the truth or utility of your doctrines. (Matt. x. 14.) Here Christ encourages in his disciples a spirit of contempt for the opinions of others calculated to make them "hated." A proper regard for the rules of good-breeding would have forbidden such rudeness toward strangers for a mere honest difference of opinion. 14. "Take nothing for your journey, neither staff, nor scrip, nor purse" (Mark vi. 8); that is "sponge on your friends, and force yourselves on your enemies," the latter class of which seem to have been much the most numerous. A preacher who should attempt to carry out this advice at the present day would be stopped at the first toll-gate, and compelled to return. Here is more violation of the rules of good-breeding, and the common courtesies of civilized life. 15. "Go and teach all nations," &c. Why issue an injunction that could not possibly be carried out? It never has been, and never will be, executed, for three-fourths of the human race have never yet heard of Christianity. It was not, therefore, a mark of wisdom, or a superior mind, to issue such an injunction. 16. "And he that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned." What intolerance, bigotry, relentless cruelty, and ignorance of the science of mind are here displayed! No philosopher would give utterance to, or indorse such a sentiment. It assumes that belief is a creature of the will, and that a man can believe anything he chooses, which is wide of the truth. And the assumption has been followed by persecution, misery, and bloodshed. 17. "All things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Matt. xxi. 22.) Here is an entire negation of natural law in the necessity of physical labor as a means to procure the comforts of life. When anything is wanted in the shape of food or raiment, it is to be obtained, according to this text, by going down on your knees and asking God to bestow it. But no Christian ever realized "all things whatsoever asked for in prayer," thought "believing with all his heart" he should obtain it. The author knows, by his own practical experience, that this declaration is not true. This promise has been falsified thousands of times by thousands of praying Christians. 18. "Be not called rabbi." "Call no man your father." (Matt, xxiii.) The Christian world assume that much of what Christ taught is mere idle nonsense, or the incoherent utterings of a religious fanatic; for they pay no more practical attention to it than the barking of a dog. And here is one command treated in this manner: "Call no man father." Where is the Christian who refuses to call his earthly sire a father? 19. "Call no man master." (Matt, xxiii.) And yet mister, which is the same thing, is the most common title in Christendom. 20. He who enunciates the two words, "'Thou fool.' shall be in danger of hell fire." (Matt, xxii.) Mercy! Who, then, can be saved? For there is probably not a live Christian in the world who has not called somebody a "fool," when he knew him to be such, and could not with truthfulness be called anything else. Here, then, is another command universally ignored and "indefinitely postponed." 21. "Swear not at all, neither by heaven nor earth." (Matt, v.) And yet no Christian refuses to indulge in legal, if not profane, swearing which the text evidently forbids. 22. "Men ought always to pray." (Luke xviii.) No time to be allowed for eating or sleeping. More religious fanaticism. 23. "Whosoever will be chief among you let him be your servant" (Matt. xx. 27); that is, no Christian professor shall be a president, governor, major-general, deacon, or priest. Another command laid on the table. 24. "Love your enemies." (Matt. v. 44.) Then what kind of feeling should we cultivate toward friends? And how much did he love his enemies when he called them "fools," "liars," "hypocrites," "generation of vipers," &c.? And yet he is held up as "our" example in love, meekness, and forbearance. But no man ever did love an enemy. It is a moral impossibility, as much so as to love bitter or nauseating food. The advice of the Roman slave Syrus is indicative of more sense and wisdom--"Treat your enemy kindly, and thus make him a friend." 25. We are required to forgive an enemy four hundred and ninety times; that is, "seventy times seven." (Matt, vii.) Another outburst of religious enthusiasm; another proof of an overheated imagination. 26. "Be ye perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect." (Matt. v. 48.) Here is more of the religious extravagance of a mind uncultured by science. For it is self-evident that human beings can make no approximation to divine perfection. The distance between human imperfection and a perfect God is, and ever must be, infinite. 27. Christ commended those who "became eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake" (Matt. xix. 12)--a custom requiring a murderous, self-butchering process; destructive of the energies of life and the vigor of manhood, and rendering the subject weak, effeminate, and mopish, and unfit for the business of life. It is a low species of piety, and discloses a lamentable lack of a scientific knowledge of the true functions of the sexual organs on the part of Jesus. 28. Christ also encouraged his disciples to "pluck out the eye," and "cut off the hand," as a means of rendering it impossible to perpetrate evil with those members. And we would suggest, if such advice is consistent with sound reasoning, the head also should be cut off, as a means of more effectually carrying out the same principle. Such advice never came from the mouth of a philosopher. It is a part of Christ's system of extravagant piety. 29. He also taught the senseless, oriental tradition of "the unpardonable sin against the Holy Ghost"--a fabulous being who figured more anciently in the history of various countries. (See Chapter XXII.) No philosopher or man of science could harbor such childish misconceptions as are embodied in this tradition, which neither describes the being nor explains the nature of the sin. 30. We find many proofs, in Christ's Gospel history, that he believed in the ancient heathen tradition which taught that disease is caused by demons and evil spirits. (See Luke vii. 21, and viii. 2.) 31. Many cases are reported of his relieving the obsessed by casting out the diabolical intruders, in imitation of the oriental custom long in vogue in various countries, by which he evinced a profound ignorance of the natural causes of disease. 32. Christ also taught the old pagan superstition that "God is a God of anger," while modern science teaches that it would be as impossible for a God of perfect and infinite attributes to experience the feeling of anger as to commit suicide; and recent discoveries in physiology prove that anger is a species of suicide, and that it is also a species of insanity. Hence an angry God would be an insane God--an omnipotent lunatic, "ruling the kingdom of heaven," which would make heaven a lunatic asylum, and rather a dangerous place to live. 33. And Christ's injunction to "fear God" also implies that he is an angry being. (See Luke xxiii. 40.) But y past history proves that "the fear of God" has always been the great lever of priestcraft, and the most paltry and pitiful motive that ever moved the human mind. It has paralyzed the noblest intellects, crushed the elasticity of youth, and augmented the hesitating indecision of old age, and finally filled the world with cowardly, trembling slaves. No philosopher will either love or worship a God he fears. "The fear of the Lord" is a very ancient heathen superstition. 34. The inducement Christ holds out for leading a virtuous life by the promise of "Well done, thou good and faithful servant," bespeaks a childish ignorance of the nature of the human mind and the true science of life. It ranks with the promise of the nurse of sugar-plums to the boy if he would keep his garments unsoiled. (For the remainder of the two hundred errors of Christ, see Vol. II.) There are many other errors found in the precepts and practical life of Jesus Christ (which we are compelled to omit an exposition of here), such as his losing his temper, and abusing the money-changers by overthrowing their counting-table, and expelling them from the temple with a whip of cords when engaged in a lawful' and laudable business; his getting mad at and cursing the fig tree; his dooming Capernaum to hell in a fit of anger; his being deceived by two of his disciples (Peter and Judas), which prompted him to call them devils; his implied approval of David, with his fourteen crimes and penitentiary deeds, and also Abraham, with his falsehoods, polygamy, and incest, and his implied sanction of the Old Testament, with all its errors and numerous crimes; his promise to his twelve apostles to "sit upon the twelve thrones of Israel" in heaven, thus evincing a very limited and childish conception of the enjoyments of the future life; his puerile idea of sin, consisting in a personal affront to a personal God; his omission to say anything about human freedom, the inalienable rights of man, &c. THE SCIENTIFIC ERRORS OF CHRIST. That Jesus Christ was neither a natural or moral philosopher is evident from the following facts:-- 1. He never made any use of the word "philosophy." 2. Never gave utterance to the word "science." 3. Never spoke of a natural law, or assigned a natural cause for anything. The fact that he never made use of these words now so current in all civilized countries, is evidence that he was totally ignorant of these important branches of knowledge, the cultivation of which is now known to be essential to the progress of civilization. And yet it is claimed his religion has been a great lever in the advancement of civilization. But this is a mistake--a solemn mistake, as elsewhere shown. (See Chap. XLV.) 4. Everything to Christ was miracle; everything was produced and controlled by the arbitrary power of an angry or irascible God. He evidently had no idea of a ruling principle in nature or of the existence of natural law, as controlling any event he witnessed. Hence he set no bounds to anything, and recognized no limits to the possible. He believed God to be a supernatural personal being, who possessed unlimited power, and who ruled and controlled everything by his arbitrary will, without any law or any limitation to its exercises. Hence he told his disciples they would have anything they prayed for in faith; that by faith they could roll mountains into the sea, or bring to a halt the rolling billows of the mighty deep. He evidently believed that the forked lightning, the out-bursting earth-shaking thunder, and the roaring, heaving volcano were but pliant tools or obsequious servants to the man of faith. And he displays no less ignorance of the laws of mind than the laws of nature; thus proving him to have been neither a natural, moral, nor mental philosopher. He omitted to teach the great moral lessons learned by human experience, of which he was evidently totally ignorant. 5. He never taught that the practice of virtue contains its own reward. 6. That the question of right and wrong of any action is to be decided by its effect upon the individual, or upon society. 7. That no life can be displeasing to God which is useful to man. 8. And he omitted to teach the most important lesson that can engage the attention of man, viz.: that the great purpose of life is self-development. 9. That no person can attain or approximate to real happiness without bestowing a special attention to the cultivation and exercise of all the mental and physical faculties, so far as to keep them in a healthy condition. None of the important lessons above named are hinted at in his teachings, which, if punctually observed, would do more to advance the happiness of the human race than all the sermons Christ or Chrishna ever preached, or ever taught. 10. And then he taught many doctrines which are plainly contradicted by the established principle of modern science, such as,-- 11. Diseases being produced by demons, devils, or wicked spirits. (See Mark ix. 20.) Christ nowhere assigns a natural cause for disease, or a scientific explanation for its cure. 12. His rebuking a fever discloses a similar lack of scientific knowledge. ( See Luke iv. 39.) 13. His belief in a literal hell and a lake of fire and brimstone (see Matt, xviii. 8) is an ancient heathen superstition science knows nothing about, and has no use for. 14. His belief in a personal devil also (see Matt. xvii. 88), which is another oriental tradition, furnishes more sad proof of an utter want of scientific knowledge, as science has no place for and no use for such a being. 15. Christ taught the unphilosophical doctrine of repentance, as he declared he "came to call sinners to repentance" (Matt. ix. 13)--a mental process, which consists merely in a revival of early impressions, and often leads a person to condemn that which is right, as well as that which is wrong. (For proof, see Chapter XLIII.) 16. The doctrine of "forgiveness," which Christ so often inculcated, is also at variance with the teachings of science, as it can do nothing toward changing the nature of the act forgiven, or toward cancelling its previous effects upon society. Science teaches that every crime has its penalty attached to it, which no act of forgiveness, by God or man, can arrest or set aside. 17. But nothing evinces, perhaps, more clearly Christ's total lack of scientific knowledge than his holding a man responsible for his belief, and condemning for disbelief, as he does in numerous instances (see Mark xvi. 16), for a man could as easily control the circulation of the blood in his veins as control his belief. Science teaches that belief depends upon evidence, and without it, it is impossible to believe, and with it, it is impossible to disbelieve. How foolish and unphilosophical, therefore, to condemn for either belief or disbelief! 18. The numerous cases in which Christ speaks of the heart as being the seat of consciousness, instead of the brain, evinces a remarkable ignorance of the science of mental philosophy. He speaks of an "upright heart," "a pure heart," &'c., when "an upright liver," "a pure liver," would be as sensible, as the latter has as much to do with the character as the former. 19. And the many cases in which he makes it meritorious to have a right "faith," and places it above reason, and assumes it to be a voluntary act, shows his utter ignorance of the nature of the human mind. 20. And Christ evinced a remarkable ignorance of the cause of physical defects, when he told his hearers a certain man was born blind, in order that he might cure him. (Matt. vii. 22.) 21. And Christ's declaration, that those who marry are not worthy of being saved (see Luke xx. 34), shows that he was very ignorant of the nature of the sexual functions of the human system. 22. Nothing could more completely demonstrate a total ignorance of the grand science of astronomy than Christ's prediction of the stars falling to the earth. (See Luke xxi. 25.) 23. And the conflagration of the world, "the gathering of the elect," and the realization of a fancied millennium, which he several times predicted would take place in his time, "before this generation pass away" (Matt, xxiv. 34), proves a like ignorance, both of astronomy and philosophy. 24. And his cursing of the fig tree for not bearing fruit in the winter season (see Matt. xxi. 20), not only proves his ignorance of the laws of nature, but evinces a bad temper. 25. Christ indorses the truth of Noah's flood story (see Luke xvii. 27), which every person at the present day, versed in science and natural law, knows is mere fiction, and never took place. And numerous other errors, evincing the most profound ignorance of science and natural law, might be pointed out in Christ's teachings, if we had space for them. It has always been alleged by orthodox Christendom, that Christ's teaching and moral system are so faultless as to challenge criticism, and so perfect as to defy improvement. But this is a serious mistake. For most of his precepts and moral inculcations which are not directly at war with the principles of science, or do not involve a flagrant violation of the laws of nature, are, nevertheless, characterized by a lawless and extravagant mode of expression peculiar to semi-savage life, and which, as it renders it impossible to reduce them to practice, shows they could not have emanated from a philosopher, or man of science, or a man of evenly-balanced mind. They impose upon the world a system of morality, pushed to such extremes that its own professed admirers do not live it out, or even attempt to do so. They long ago abandoned it as an impracticable duty. We will prove this by enumerating most of its requisitions, and showing that they are daily violated and trampled under foot by all Christendom. Where can the Christian professor be found who, 1. "takes no thought for the morrow" or, 2. who "lays not up treasure on earth," or, at least, tries to do it; or, 3. who "gives up all his property to the poor;" or who, "when his cloak is wrested from him by a robber," gives up his coat also; or who calls no man master or mister (the most common title in Christendom); or who calls no man father (if he has a father); or who calls no man a fool (when he knows he is a fool); or who, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turns the other to be battered up in the same way; or who prays without ceasing; or who rejoices when persecuted; or who forgives an enemy four hundred and ninety times (70 times 7); or who manifests by his practical life that he loves his enemies (the way he loves him is to report him to the grand jury, or hand him over to the sheriff); or who forsakes houses and land, and everything, "for the kingdom of heaven's sake." No Christian professor lives up to these precepts, or any of them, or even tries to do so. To talk, therefore, of finding a practical Christian, while nearly the whole moral code of Christ is thus daily and habitually outraged and trampled under foot by all the churches and every one of the two hundred millions of Christian professors, is bitter irony and supreme solecism. We would go five hundred miles, or pay five hundred dollars, to see a Christian. If a man can be a Christian while openly and habitually violating every precept of Christ, then the word has no meaning. These precepts, the Christian world finding to be impossible to practice, have unanimously laid upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." They are the product of a mind with an ardent temperament, and the religious faculties developed to excess, and unrestrained by

knowing

How many times the word 'knowing' appears in the text?

(Luke ii. 49.) "The kingdom of heaven is not mine to give, but the Son's." (Matt. xx. 23.) "I am come in my Son's name, and ye receive me not" (John v. 43.) "God cried, Jesus, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Matt. xiii. 28.) "No man hath seen Jesus at any time." (1 John i. 5-) "Jesus created all things by his Son." (Eph. iii. 9.) "God sat down (in heaven) at the right hand of Jesus." (Luke xxii. 69.) "There is one Jesus, one mediator between Jesus and men." (Gal. iii. 20.) "Jesus gave his only begotten Father." (1 John iv. 9) "God knows not the hour, but Jesus does." (Mark viii. 32.) "God is the servant of Jesus." (Mark xii. 18.) "God is ordained by Jesus." (Acts xvii. 31.) "The head of God is Christ." (Eph. i. 3.) "We have an advocate with Jesus, God the righteous." (1 John ii. 1.) "Jesus gave all power to God." (Matt, xxviii. 18.) "God abode all night in prayer to Jesus." (Luke vi. 12.) "God came down from heaven to do the will of Jesus." (John vi. 38.) "Jesus has made the Father his high priest." (Heb. x. 24.) "Last of all, the Son sent the Father." (Matt. xxi. 39.) "Jesus will save the world by that God whom he hath ordained." "Jesus is God of the Father." (John xx. 17.) "Jesus hath exalted God, and given him a more excellent name." (Phil. ii. 9.) "Jesus hath made God a little lower than the angels." (Heb. ii. 9.) "God can do nothing except what he seeth Jesus do." (John v. 19.) Now, the question arises, Is the above representation a true one? Most certainly it must be, if Jesus and the Father are but one almighty Being. A change of names and titles cannot alter the truth nor the sense. To say that Chief Justice Chase has gone south; Secretary Chase has gone south; Governor Chase has gone south; Ex-Senator Chase has gone south, or Salmon P. Chase has gone south, are affirmations equally true and equally sensible, because they all have reference to the same being; the case is to plain to need argument. The above reversal of names and titles of Jesus and the Father may sound very unpleasant and rather grating to Christ-adoring Christians, simply because it is the transposition of the tides of two very scripturally dissimilar beings, instead of being, as generally taught by orthodox Christians, "one in essence, one in mind, one in body or being, and one in name," as the Rev. Mr. Barnes affirms. Most self-evidently false is his statement, based solely on scriptural ground. If Jesus is "very God," and there is but one God, then the foregoing transposition cannot mar the sense nor altar the truth of one text quoted. CHAPTER XLI. THE PRECEPTS AND PRACTICAL LIFE OF JESUS CHRIST; HIS TWO HUNDRED ERRORS THE exaltation of men to the character and homage of divine beings has always had the effect to draw a vail over their errors and imperfections, so as to render them imperceptible to those who worship them as Gods. This is true of nearly all the deified men of antiquity, who were adored as incarnate divinities, among which may be included the Christian's man-God, Jesus Christ. The practice of the followers of these Gods has been, when an error was pointed out in their teachings, brought to light by the progress of science and general intelligence, to bestow upon the text some new and unwarranted meaning, entirely incompatible with its literal reading, or else to insist with a godly zeal on the correctness of the sentiment inculcated by the text, and thus essay to make error pass for truth. In this way millions of the disciples of' these Gods have been misled and blinded, and made to believe by their religious teachers and their religious education, that everything taught by their assumed-to-be divine exemplars is perfect truth, in perfect harmony with science, sense, and true morals. Indeed, the perversion of the mind and judgment by a religious education has been in many cases carried to such an extreme as to cause their devout and prejudiced followers either to entirely overlook and ignore their erroneous teachings, or to magnify them into God-given truths, and thus, as before stated, clothe error with the livery of truth. This state of things, it has long been noticed by unprejudiced minds, exists amongst the millions of professed believers in the divinity of Jesus Christ. Hence the errors, both in his moral lessons and his practical life, have passed from age to age unnoticed, because his pious and awe-stricken followers, having been taught that he was a divine teacher, have assumed that his teachings must all be true; and hence, too, have instituted no scrutiny to determine their truth or falsity. But we will now proceed to show that the progress of' science and general intelligence has brought to light many errors, not only in his teachings, but in his practical life also. In enumerating them, we will arrange them under the head MORAL AND RELIGIOUS ERRORS. 1. The first moral precept in the teachings of Christ, which we will bring to notice, is one of a numerous class, which may very properly be arranged under the head of Moral Extremism. We find many of his admonitions of this character. Nearly everything that is said is oversaid, carried to extremes--thus constituting an overwrought, extravagant system of morality, impracticable in its requisitions; as, for example, "Take no thought for the morrow." (Matt, v.) If the spirit of this injunction were carried out in practical life, there would be no grain sown and no seed planted in spring, no reaping done in harvest, and no crop garnered in autumn; and the result would be universal starvation in less than twelve months. But, fortunately for society, the Christian world have laid this positive injunction upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." 2. Christ's assumed-to-be most important requisition is found in the injunction, "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all else shall be added unto you." (Matt. vi. 33.) His early followers understood by this injunction, and doubtless understood it correctly, that they were to spend their lives in religious devotion, and neglect the practical duties of life, leaving "Providence" to take care of their families--a course of life which reduced many of them to the point of starvation. 3. The disciple of Christ is required, "when smitten on one cheek," to turn the other also that is, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turn the other, to be smashed up in like manner. This is an extravagant requisition, which none of his modern disciples even attempt to observe. 4. "Resist not evil" (Matt. v. 34) breathes forth a kindred spirit. This injunction requires you to stand with your hands in your pocket while being maltreated so cruelly and unmercifully that the forfeiture of your life may be the consequence--at least Christ's early followers so understood it. 5. The disciple of Christ is required, when his cloak is formally wrested from him, to give up his coat also. (See Matt, v.) And to carry out the principle, if the marauder demands it, he must next give up his boots, then his shirt, and thus strip himself of all his garments, and go naked. This looks like an invitation and bribe to robbery. 6. "Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth." (Matt. vi. 19.) This is another positive command of Christ, which the modern Christian world, by common consent, have laid on the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement," under the conviction that the wants of their families and the exigencies of sickness and old age cannot be served if they should live up to such an injunction. 7. "Sell all that thou hast,... and come and follow me," is another command which bespeaks more piety than wisdom, as all who have attempted to comply with it have reduced their families to beggary and want. 8. "If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him." Then he must hate it, as there are but the two principles, and "from hate proceed envy, strife, evil surmisings, and persecution." Evidently the remedy in this case for "worldly-mindedness" is worse than the disease. 9. "He that cometh to me, and hateth not father, mother, brother, and sister, &c., cannot be my disciple." (Luke xiv. 26). This breathes forth the same spirit as the last text quoted above. Many learned expositions have been penned by Christian writers to make it appear, that hate in this case does not mean hate. But certainly it would be a slander upon infinite wisdom to leave it to be inferred that he could not say or "inspire" his disciples to say exactly what he meant, and to say it so plainly as to leave no possibility of being misunderstood, or leave any ground for dispute about the meaning. 10. "Rejoice and be exceeding glad" when persecuted. (Matt. v. 4.) Now, as a state of rejoicing is the highest condition of happiness that can be realized, such advice must naturally prompt the religious zealot to court persecution, in order to obtain complete happiness, and consequently to pursue a dare-devil life to provoke persecution. 11. "Whosoever shall seek to save his life, shall lose it," &c. (Luke xvii. 33.) Here is displayed the spirit of martyrdom which has made millions reckless of life, and goaded on the frenzied bigot to seek the fiery fagot and the halter. We regard it as another display of religious fanaticism. 12. "Ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake." (Matt. x. 12.) How repulsive must have been their doctrines or their conduct! No sensible religion could excite the universal hatred of mankind. For it would contain something adapted to the moral, religious, or spiritual taste of some class or portion of society, and hence make it and its disciples loved instead of hated. And then how could they be "hated of all men," when not one man in a thousand ever heard of them? Here is more of the extravagance of religious enthusiasm. 13. "Shake off the dust of your feet" against those who cannot see the truth or utility of your doctrines. (Matt. x. 14.) Here Christ encourages in his disciples a spirit of contempt for the opinions of others calculated to make them "hated." A proper regard for the rules of good-breeding would have forbidden such rudeness toward strangers for a mere honest difference of opinion. 14. "Take nothing for your journey, neither staff, nor scrip, nor purse" (Mark vi. 8); that is "sponge on your friends, and force yourselves on your enemies," the latter class of which seem to have been much the most numerous. A preacher who should attempt to carry out this advice at the present day would be stopped at the first toll-gate, and compelled to return. Here is more violation of the rules of good-breeding, and the common courtesies of civilized life. 15. "Go and teach all nations," &c. Why issue an injunction that could not possibly be carried out? It never has been, and never will be, executed, for three-fourths of the human race have never yet heard of Christianity. It was not, therefore, a mark of wisdom, or a superior mind, to issue such an injunction. 16. "And he that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned." What intolerance, bigotry, relentless cruelty, and ignorance of the science of mind are here displayed! No philosopher would give utterance to, or indorse such a sentiment. It assumes that belief is a creature of the will, and that a man can believe anything he chooses, which is wide of the truth. And the assumption has been followed by persecution, misery, and bloodshed. 17. "All things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Matt. xxi. 22.) Here is an entire negation of natural law in the necessity of physical labor as a means to procure the comforts of life. When anything is wanted in the shape of food or raiment, it is to be obtained, according to this text, by going down on your knees and asking God to bestow it. But no Christian ever realized "all things whatsoever asked for in prayer," thought "believing with all his heart" he should obtain it. The author knows, by his own practical experience, that this declaration is not true. This promise has been falsified thousands of times by thousands of praying Christians. 18. "Be not called rabbi." "Call no man your father." (Matt, xxiii.) The Christian world assume that much of what Christ taught is mere idle nonsense, or the incoherent utterings of a religious fanatic; for they pay no more practical attention to it than the barking of a dog. And here is one command treated in this manner: "Call no man father." Where is the Christian who refuses to call his earthly sire a father? 19. "Call no man master." (Matt, xxiii.) And yet mister, which is the same thing, is the most common title in Christendom. 20. He who enunciates the two words, "'Thou fool.' shall be in danger of hell fire." (Matt, xxii.) Mercy! Who, then, can be saved? For there is probably not a live Christian in the world who has not called somebody a "fool," when he knew him to be such, and could not with truthfulness be called anything else. Here, then, is another command universally ignored and "indefinitely postponed." 21. "Swear not at all, neither by heaven nor earth." (Matt, v.) And yet no Christian refuses to indulge in legal, if not profane, swearing which the text evidently forbids. 22. "Men ought always to pray." (Luke xviii.) No time to be allowed for eating or sleeping. More religious fanaticism. 23. "Whosoever will be chief among you let him be your servant" (Matt. xx. 27); that is, no Christian professor shall be a president, governor, major-general, deacon, or priest. Another command laid on the table. 24. "Love your enemies." (Matt. v. 44.) Then what kind of feeling should we cultivate toward friends? And how much did he love his enemies when he called them "fools," "liars," "hypocrites," "generation of vipers," &c.? And yet he is held up as "our" example in love, meekness, and forbearance. But no man ever did love an enemy. It is a moral impossibility, as much so as to love bitter or nauseating food. The advice of the Roman slave Syrus is indicative of more sense and wisdom--"Treat your enemy kindly, and thus make him a friend." 25. We are required to forgive an enemy four hundred and ninety times; that is, "seventy times seven." (Matt, vii.) Another outburst of religious enthusiasm; another proof of an overheated imagination. 26. "Be ye perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect." (Matt. v. 48.) Here is more of the religious extravagance of a mind uncultured by science. For it is self-evident that human beings can make no approximation to divine perfection. The distance between human imperfection and a perfect God is, and ever must be, infinite. 27. Christ commended those who "became eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake" (Matt. xix. 12)--a custom requiring a murderous, self-butchering process; destructive of the energies of life and the vigor of manhood, and rendering the subject weak, effeminate, and mopish, and unfit for the business of life. It is a low species of piety, and discloses a lamentable lack of a scientific knowledge of the true functions of the sexual organs on the part of Jesus. 28. Christ also encouraged his disciples to "pluck out the eye," and "cut off the hand," as a means of rendering it impossible to perpetrate evil with those members. And we would suggest, if such advice is consistent with sound reasoning, the head also should be cut off, as a means of more effectually carrying out the same principle. Such advice never came from the mouth of a philosopher. It is a part of Christ's system of extravagant piety. 29. He also taught the senseless, oriental tradition of "the unpardonable sin against the Holy Ghost"--a fabulous being who figured more anciently in the history of various countries. (See Chapter XXII.) No philosopher or man of science could harbor such childish misconceptions as are embodied in this tradition, which neither describes the being nor explains the nature of the sin. 30. We find many proofs, in Christ's Gospel history, that he believed in the ancient heathen tradition which taught that disease is caused by demons and evil spirits. (See Luke vii. 21, and viii. 2.) 31. Many cases are reported of his relieving the obsessed by casting out the diabolical intruders, in imitation of the oriental custom long in vogue in various countries, by which he evinced a profound ignorance of the natural causes of disease. 32. Christ also taught the old pagan superstition that "God is a God of anger," while modern science teaches that it would be as impossible for a God of perfect and infinite attributes to experience the feeling of anger as to commit suicide; and recent discoveries in physiology prove that anger is a species of suicide, and that it is also a species of insanity. Hence an angry God would be an insane God--an omnipotent lunatic, "ruling the kingdom of heaven," which would make heaven a lunatic asylum, and rather a dangerous place to live. 33. And Christ's injunction to "fear God" also implies that he is an angry being. (See Luke xxiii. 40.) But y past history proves that "the fear of God" has always been the great lever of priestcraft, and the most paltry and pitiful motive that ever moved the human mind. It has paralyzed the noblest intellects, crushed the elasticity of youth, and augmented the hesitating indecision of old age, and finally filled the world with cowardly, trembling slaves. No philosopher will either love or worship a God he fears. "The fear of the Lord" is a very ancient heathen superstition. 34. The inducement Christ holds out for leading a virtuous life by the promise of "Well done, thou good and faithful servant," bespeaks a childish ignorance of the nature of the human mind and the true science of life. It ranks with the promise of the nurse of sugar-plums to the boy if he would keep his garments unsoiled. (For the remainder of the two hundred errors of Christ, see Vol. II.) There are many other errors found in the precepts and practical life of Jesus Christ (which we are compelled to omit an exposition of here), such as his losing his temper, and abusing the money-changers by overthrowing their counting-table, and expelling them from the temple with a whip of cords when engaged in a lawful' and laudable business; his getting mad at and cursing the fig tree; his dooming Capernaum to hell in a fit of anger; his being deceived by two of his disciples (Peter and Judas), which prompted him to call them devils; his implied approval of David, with his fourteen crimes and penitentiary deeds, and also Abraham, with his falsehoods, polygamy, and incest, and his implied sanction of the Old Testament, with all its errors and numerous crimes; his promise to his twelve apostles to "sit upon the twelve thrones of Israel" in heaven, thus evincing a very limited and childish conception of the enjoyments of the future life; his puerile idea of sin, consisting in a personal affront to a personal God; his omission to say anything about human freedom, the inalienable rights of man, &c. THE SCIENTIFIC ERRORS OF CHRIST. That Jesus Christ was neither a natural or moral philosopher is evident from the following facts:-- 1. He never made any use of the word "philosophy." 2. Never gave utterance to the word "science." 3. Never spoke of a natural law, or assigned a natural cause for anything. The fact that he never made use of these words now so current in all civilized countries, is evidence that he was totally ignorant of these important branches of knowledge, the cultivation of which is now known to be essential to the progress of civilization. And yet it is claimed his religion has been a great lever in the advancement of civilization. But this is a mistake--a solemn mistake, as elsewhere shown. (See Chap. XLV.) 4. Everything to Christ was miracle; everything was produced and controlled by the arbitrary power of an angry or irascible God. He evidently had no idea of a ruling principle in nature or of the existence of natural law, as controlling any event he witnessed. Hence he set no bounds to anything, and recognized no limits to the possible. He believed God to be a supernatural personal being, who possessed unlimited power, and who ruled and controlled everything by his arbitrary will, without any law or any limitation to its exercises. Hence he told his disciples they would have anything they prayed for in faith; that by faith they could roll mountains into the sea, or bring to a halt the rolling billows of the mighty deep. He evidently believed that the forked lightning, the out-bursting earth-shaking thunder, and the roaring, heaving volcano were but pliant tools or obsequious servants to the man of faith. And he displays no less ignorance of the laws of mind than the laws of nature; thus proving him to have been neither a natural, moral, nor mental philosopher. He omitted to teach the great moral lessons learned by human experience, of which he was evidently totally ignorant. 5. He never taught that the practice of virtue contains its own reward. 6. That the question of right and wrong of any action is to be decided by its effect upon the individual, or upon society. 7. That no life can be displeasing to God which is useful to man. 8. And he omitted to teach the most important lesson that can engage the attention of man, viz.: that the great purpose of life is self-development. 9. That no person can attain or approximate to real happiness without bestowing a special attention to the cultivation and exercise of all the mental and physical faculties, so far as to keep them in a healthy condition. None of the important lessons above named are hinted at in his teachings, which, if punctually observed, would do more to advance the happiness of the human race than all the sermons Christ or Chrishna ever preached, or ever taught. 10. And then he taught many doctrines which are plainly contradicted by the established principle of modern science, such as,-- 11. Diseases being produced by demons, devils, or wicked spirits. (See Mark ix. 20.) Christ nowhere assigns a natural cause for disease, or a scientific explanation for its cure. 12. His rebuking a fever discloses a similar lack of scientific knowledge. ( See Luke iv. 39.) 13. His belief in a literal hell and a lake of fire and brimstone (see Matt, xviii. 8) is an ancient heathen superstition science knows nothing about, and has no use for. 14. His belief in a personal devil also (see Matt. xvii. 88), which is another oriental tradition, furnishes more sad proof of an utter want of scientific knowledge, as science has no place for and no use for such a being. 15. Christ taught the unphilosophical doctrine of repentance, as he declared he "came to call sinners to repentance" (Matt. ix. 13)--a mental process, which consists merely in a revival of early impressions, and often leads a person to condemn that which is right, as well as that which is wrong. (For proof, see Chapter XLIII.) 16. The doctrine of "forgiveness," which Christ so often inculcated, is also at variance with the teachings of science, as it can do nothing toward changing the nature of the act forgiven, or toward cancelling its previous effects upon society. Science teaches that every crime has its penalty attached to it, which no act of forgiveness, by God or man, can arrest or set aside. 17. But nothing evinces, perhaps, more clearly Christ's total lack of scientific knowledge than his holding a man responsible for his belief, and condemning for disbelief, as he does in numerous instances (see Mark xvi. 16), for a man could as easily control the circulation of the blood in his veins as control his belief. Science teaches that belief depends upon evidence, and without it, it is impossible to believe, and with it, it is impossible to disbelieve. How foolish and unphilosophical, therefore, to condemn for either belief or disbelief! 18. The numerous cases in which Christ speaks of the heart as being the seat of consciousness, instead of the brain, evinces a remarkable ignorance of the science of mental philosophy. He speaks of an "upright heart," "a pure heart," &'c., when "an upright liver," "a pure liver," would be as sensible, as the latter has as much to do with the character as the former. 19. And the many cases in which he makes it meritorious to have a right "faith," and places it above reason, and assumes it to be a voluntary act, shows his utter ignorance of the nature of the human mind. 20. And Christ evinced a remarkable ignorance of the cause of physical defects, when he told his hearers a certain man was born blind, in order that he might cure him. (Matt. vii. 22.) 21. And Christ's declaration, that those who marry are not worthy of being saved (see Luke xx. 34), shows that he was very ignorant of the nature of the sexual functions of the human system. 22. Nothing could more completely demonstrate a total ignorance of the grand science of astronomy than Christ's prediction of the stars falling to the earth. (See Luke xxi. 25.) 23. And the conflagration of the world, "the gathering of the elect," and the realization of a fancied millennium, which he several times predicted would take place in his time, "before this generation pass away" (Matt, xxiv. 34), proves a like ignorance, both of astronomy and philosophy. 24. And his cursing of the fig tree for not bearing fruit in the winter season (see Matt. xxi. 20), not only proves his ignorance of the laws of nature, but evinces a bad temper. 25. Christ indorses the truth of Noah's flood story (see Luke xvii. 27), which every person at the present day, versed in science and natural law, knows is mere fiction, and never took place. And numerous other errors, evincing the most profound ignorance of science and natural law, might be pointed out in Christ's teachings, if we had space for them. It has always been alleged by orthodox Christendom, that Christ's teaching and moral system are so faultless as to challenge criticism, and so perfect as to defy improvement. But this is a serious mistake. For most of his precepts and moral inculcations which are not directly at war with the principles of science, or do not involve a flagrant violation of the laws of nature, are, nevertheless, characterized by a lawless and extravagant mode of expression peculiar to semi-savage life, and which, as it renders it impossible to reduce them to practice, shows they could not have emanated from a philosopher, or man of science, or a man of evenly-balanced mind. They impose upon the world a system of morality, pushed to such extremes that its own professed admirers do not live it out, or even attempt to do so. They long ago abandoned it as an impracticable duty. We will prove this by enumerating most of its requisitions, and showing that they are daily violated and trampled under foot by all Christendom. Where can the Christian professor be found who, 1. "takes no thought for the morrow" or, 2. who "lays not up treasure on earth," or, at least, tries to do it; or, 3. who "gives up all his property to the poor;" or who, "when his cloak is wrested from him by a robber," gives up his coat also; or who calls no man master or mister (the most common title in Christendom); or who calls no man father (if he has a father); or who calls no man a fool (when he knows he is a fool); or who, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turns the other to be battered up in the same way; or who prays without ceasing; or who rejoices when persecuted; or who forgives an enemy four hundred and ninety times (70 times 7); or who manifests by his practical life that he loves his enemies (the way he loves him is to report him to the grand jury, or hand him over to the sheriff); or who forsakes houses and land, and everything, "for the kingdom of heaven's sake." No Christian professor lives up to these precepts, or any of them, or even tries to do so. To talk, therefore, of finding a practical Christian, while nearly the whole moral code of Christ is thus daily and habitually outraged and trampled under foot by all the churches and every one of the two hundred millions of Christian professors, is bitter irony and supreme solecism. We would go five hundred miles, or pay five hundred dollars, to see a Christian. If a man can be a Christian while openly and habitually violating every precept of Christ, then the word has no meaning. These precepts, the Christian world finding to be impossible to practice, have unanimously laid upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." They are the product of a mind with an ardent temperament, and the religious faculties developed to excess, and unrestrained by

demand

How many times the word 'demand' appears in the text?

(Luke ii. 49.) "The kingdom of heaven is not mine to give, but the Son's." (Matt. xx. 23.) "I am come in my Son's name, and ye receive me not" (John v. 43.) "God cried, Jesus, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Matt. xiii. 28.) "No man hath seen Jesus at any time." (1 John i. 5-) "Jesus created all things by his Son." (Eph. iii. 9.) "God sat down (in heaven) at the right hand of Jesus." (Luke xxii. 69.) "There is one Jesus, one mediator between Jesus and men." (Gal. iii. 20.) "Jesus gave his only begotten Father." (1 John iv. 9) "God knows not the hour, but Jesus does." (Mark viii. 32.) "God is the servant of Jesus." (Mark xii. 18.) "God is ordained by Jesus." (Acts xvii. 31.) "The head of God is Christ." (Eph. i. 3.) "We have an advocate with Jesus, God the righteous." (1 John ii. 1.) "Jesus gave all power to God." (Matt, xxviii. 18.) "God abode all night in prayer to Jesus." (Luke vi. 12.) "God came down from heaven to do the will of Jesus." (John vi. 38.) "Jesus has made the Father his high priest." (Heb. x. 24.) "Last of all, the Son sent the Father." (Matt. xxi. 39.) "Jesus will save the world by that God whom he hath ordained." "Jesus is God of the Father." (John xx. 17.) "Jesus hath exalted God, and given him a more excellent name." (Phil. ii. 9.) "Jesus hath made God a little lower than the angels." (Heb. ii. 9.) "God can do nothing except what he seeth Jesus do." (John v. 19.) Now, the question arises, Is the above representation a true one? Most certainly it must be, if Jesus and the Father are but one almighty Being. A change of names and titles cannot alter the truth nor the sense. To say that Chief Justice Chase has gone south; Secretary Chase has gone south; Governor Chase has gone south; Ex-Senator Chase has gone south, or Salmon P. Chase has gone south, are affirmations equally true and equally sensible, because they all have reference to the same being; the case is to plain to need argument. The above reversal of names and titles of Jesus and the Father may sound very unpleasant and rather grating to Christ-adoring Christians, simply because it is the transposition of the tides of two very scripturally dissimilar beings, instead of being, as generally taught by orthodox Christians, "one in essence, one in mind, one in body or being, and one in name," as the Rev. Mr. Barnes affirms. Most self-evidently false is his statement, based solely on scriptural ground. If Jesus is "very God," and there is but one God, then the foregoing transposition cannot mar the sense nor altar the truth of one text quoted. CHAPTER XLI. THE PRECEPTS AND PRACTICAL LIFE OF JESUS CHRIST; HIS TWO HUNDRED ERRORS THE exaltation of men to the character and homage of divine beings has always had the effect to draw a vail over their errors and imperfections, so as to render them imperceptible to those who worship them as Gods. This is true of nearly all the deified men of antiquity, who were adored as incarnate divinities, among which may be included the Christian's man-God, Jesus Christ. The practice of the followers of these Gods has been, when an error was pointed out in their teachings, brought to light by the progress of science and general intelligence, to bestow upon the text some new and unwarranted meaning, entirely incompatible with its literal reading, or else to insist with a godly zeal on the correctness of the sentiment inculcated by the text, and thus essay to make error pass for truth. In this way millions of the disciples of' these Gods have been misled and blinded, and made to believe by their religious teachers and their religious education, that everything taught by their assumed-to-be divine exemplars is perfect truth, in perfect harmony with science, sense, and true morals. Indeed, the perversion of the mind and judgment by a religious education has been in many cases carried to such an extreme as to cause their devout and prejudiced followers either to entirely overlook and ignore their erroneous teachings, or to magnify them into God-given truths, and thus, as before stated, clothe error with the livery of truth. This state of things, it has long been noticed by unprejudiced minds, exists amongst the millions of professed believers in the divinity of Jesus Christ. Hence the errors, both in his moral lessons and his practical life, have passed from age to age unnoticed, because his pious and awe-stricken followers, having been taught that he was a divine teacher, have assumed that his teachings must all be true; and hence, too, have instituted no scrutiny to determine their truth or falsity. But we will now proceed to show that the progress of' science and general intelligence has brought to light many errors, not only in his teachings, but in his practical life also. In enumerating them, we will arrange them under the head MORAL AND RELIGIOUS ERRORS. 1. The first moral precept in the teachings of Christ, which we will bring to notice, is one of a numerous class, which may very properly be arranged under the head of Moral Extremism. We find many of his admonitions of this character. Nearly everything that is said is oversaid, carried to extremes--thus constituting an overwrought, extravagant system of morality, impracticable in its requisitions; as, for example, "Take no thought for the morrow." (Matt, v.) If the spirit of this injunction were carried out in practical life, there would be no grain sown and no seed planted in spring, no reaping done in harvest, and no crop garnered in autumn; and the result would be universal starvation in less than twelve months. But, fortunately for society, the Christian world have laid this positive injunction upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." 2. Christ's assumed-to-be most important requisition is found in the injunction, "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all else shall be added unto you." (Matt. vi. 33.) His early followers understood by this injunction, and doubtless understood it correctly, that they were to spend their lives in religious devotion, and neglect the practical duties of life, leaving "Providence" to take care of their families--a course of life which reduced many of them to the point of starvation. 3. The disciple of Christ is required, "when smitten on one cheek," to turn the other also that is, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turn the other, to be smashed up in like manner. This is an extravagant requisition, which none of his modern disciples even attempt to observe. 4. "Resist not evil" (Matt. v. 34) breathes forth a kindred spirit. This injunction requires you to stand with your hands in your pocket while being maltreated so cruelly and unmercifully that the forfeiture of your life may be the consequence--at least Christ's early followers so understood it. 5. The disciple of Christ is required, when his cloak is formally wrested from him, to give up his coat also. (See Matt, v.) And to carry out the principle, if the marauder demands it, he must next give up his boots, then his shirt, and thus strip himself of all his garments, and go naked. This looks like an invitation and bribe to robbery. 6. "Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth." (Matt. vi. 19.) This is another positive command of Christ, which the modern Christian world, by common consent, have laid on the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement," under the conviction that the wants of their families and the exigencies of sickness and old age cannot be served if they should live up to such an injunction. 7. "Sell all that thou hast,... and come and follow me," is another command which bespeaks more piety than wisdom, as all who have attempted to comply with it have reduced their families to beggary and want. 8. "If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him." Then he must hate it, as there are but the two principles, and "from hate proceed envy, strife, evil surmisings, and persecution." Evidently the remedy in this case for "worldly-mindedness" is worse than the disease. 9. "He that cometh to me, and hateth not father, mother, brother, and sister, &c., cannot be my disciple." (Luke xiv. 26). This breathes forth the same spirit as the last text quoted above. Many learned expositions have been penned by Christian writers to make it appear, that hate in this case does not mean hate. But certainly it would be a slander upon infinite wisdom to leave it to be inferred that he could not say or "inspire" his disciples to say exactly what he meant, and to say it so plainly as to leave no possibility of being misunderstood, or leave any ground for dispute about the meaning. 10. "Rejoice and be exceeding glad" when persecuted. (Matt. v. 4.) Now, as a state of rejoicing is the highest condition of happiness that can be realized, such advice must naturally prompt the religious zealot to court persecution, in order to obtain complete happiness, and consequently to pursue a dare-devil life to provoke persecution. 11. "Whosoever shall seek to save his life, shall lose it," &c. (Luke xvii. 33.) Here is displayed the spirit of martyrdom which has made millions reckless of life, and goaded on the frenzied bigot to seek the fiery fagot and the halter. We regard it as another display of religious fanaticism. 12. "Ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake." (Matt. x. 12.) How repulsive must have been their doctrines or their conduct! No sensible religion could excite the universal hatred of mankind. For it would contain something adapted to the moral, religious, or spiritual taste of some class or portion of society, and hence make it and its disciples loved instead of hated. And then how could they be "hated of all men," when not one man in a thousand ever heard of them? Here is more of the extravagance of religious enthusiasm. 13. "Shake off the dust of your feet" against those who cannot see the truth or utility of your doctrines. (Matt. x. 14.) Here Christ encourages in his disciples a spirit of contempt for the opinions of others calculated to make them "hated." A proper regard for the rules of good-breeding would have forbidden such rudeness toward strangers for a mere honest difference of opinion. 14. "Take nothing for your journey, neither staff, nor scrip, nor purse" (Mark vi. 8); that is "sponge on your friends, and force yourselves on your enemies," the latter class of which seem to have been much the most numerous. A preacher who should attempt to carry out this advice at the present day would be stopped at the first toll-gate, and compelled to return. Here is more violation of the rules of good-breeding, and the common courtesies of civilized life. 15. "Go and teach all nations," &c. Why issue an injunction that could not possibly be carried out? It never has been, and never will be, executed, for three-fourths of the human race have never yet heard of Christianity. It was not, therefore, a mark of wisdom, or a superior mind, to issue such an injunction. 16. "And he that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned." What intolerance, bigotry, relentless cruelty, and ignorance of the science of mind are here displayed! No philosopher would give utterance to, or indorse such a sentiment. It assumes that belief is a creature of the will, and that a man can believe anything he chooses, which is wide of the truth. And the assumption has been followed by persecution, misery, and bloodshed. 17. "All things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Matt. xxi. 22.) Here is an entire negation of natural law in the necessity of physical labor as a means to procure the comforts of life. When anything is wanted in the shape of food or raiment, it is to be obtained, according to this text, by going down on your knees and asking God to bestow it. But no Christian ever realized "all things whatsoever asked for in prayer," thought "believing with all his heart" he should obtain it. The author knows, by his own practical experience, that this declaration is not true. This promise has been falsified thousands of times by thousands of praying Christians. 18. "Be not called rabbi." "Call no man your father." (Matt, xxiii.) The Christian world assume that much of what Christ taught is mere idle nonsense, or the incoherent utterings of a religious fanatic; for they pay no more practical attention to it than the barking of a dog. And here is one command treated in this manner: "Call no man father." Where is the Christian who refuses to call his earthly sire a father? 19. "Call no man master." (Matt, xxiii.) And yet mister, which is the same thing, is the most common title in Christendom. 20. He who enunciates the two words, "'Thou fool.' shall be in danger of hell fire." (Matt, xxii.) Mercy! Who, then, can be saved? For there is probably not a live Christian in the world who has not called somebody a "fool," when he knew him to be such, and could not with truthfulness be called anything else. Here, then, is another command universally ignored and "indefinitely postponed." 21. "Swear not at all, neither by heaven nor earth." (Matt, v.) And yet no Christian refuses to indulge in legal, if not profane, swearing which the text evidently forbids. 22. "Men ought always to pray." (Luke xviii.) No time to be allowed for eating or sleeping. More religious fanaticism. 23. "Whosoever will be chief among you let him be your servant" (Matt. xx. 27); that is, no Christian professor shall be a president, governor, major-general, deacon, or priest. Another command laid on the table. 24. "Love your enemies." (Matt. v. 44.) Then what kind of feeling should we cultivate toward friends? And how much did he love his enemies when he called them "fools," "liars," "hypocrites," "generation of vipers," &c.? And yet he is held up as "our" example in love, meekness, and forbearance. But no man ever did love an enemy. It is a moral impossibility, as much so as to love bitter or nauseating food. The advice of the Roman slave Syrus is indicative of more sense and wisdom--"Treat your enemy kindly, and thus make him a friend." 25. We are required to forgive an enemy four hundred and ninety times; that is, "seventy times seven." (Matt, vii.) Another outburst of religious enthusiasm; another proof of an overheated imagination. 26. "Be ye perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect." (Matt. v. 48.) Here is more of the religious extravagance of a mind uncultured by science. For it is self-evident that human beings can make no approximation to divine perfection. The distance between human imperfection and a perfect God is, and ever must be, infinite. 27. Christ commended those who "became eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake" (Matt. xix. 12)--a custom requiring a murderous, self-butchering process; destructive of the energies of life and the vigor of manhood, and rendering the subject weak, effeminate, and mopish, and unfit for the business of life. It is a low species of piety, and discloses a lamentable lack of a scientific knowledge of the true functions of the sexual organs on the part of Jesus. 28. Christ also encouraged his disciples to "pluck out the eye," and "cut off the hand," as a means of rendering it impossible to perpetrate evil with those members. And we would suggest, if such advice is consistent with sound reasoning, the head also should be cut off, as a means of more effectually carrying out the same principle. Such advice never came from the mouth of a philosopher. It is a part of Christ's system of extravagant piety. 29. He also taught the senseless, oriental tradition of "the unpardonable sin against the Holy Ghost"--a fabulous being who figured more anciently in the history of various countries. (See Chapter XXII.) No philosopher or man of science could harbor such childish misconceptions as are embodied in this tradition, which neither describes the being nor explains the nature of the sin. 30. We find many proofs, in Christ's Gospel history, that he believed in the ancient heathen tradition which taught that disease is caused by demons and evil spirits. (See Luke vii. 21, and viii. 2.) 31. Many cases are reported of his relieving the obsessed by casting out the diabolical intruders, in imitation of the oriental custom long in vogue in various countries, by which he evinced a profound ignorance of the natural causes of disease. 32. Christ also taught the old pagan superstition that "God is a God of anger," while modern science teaches that it would be as impossible for a God of perfect and infinite attributes to experience the feeling of anger as to commit suicide; and recent discoveries in physiology prove that anger is a species of suicide, and that it is also a species of insanity. Hence an angry God would be an insane God--an omnipotent lunatic, "ruling the kingdom of heaven," which would make heaven a lunatic asylum, and rather a dangerous place to live. 33. And Christ's injunction to "fear God" also implies that he is an angry being. (See Luke xxiii. 40.) But y past history proves that "the fear of God" has always been the great lever of priestcraft, and the most paltry and pitiful motive that ever moved the human mind. It has paralyzed the noblest intellects, crushed the elasticity of youth, and augmented the hesitating indecision of old age, and finally filled the world with cowardly, trembling slaves. No philosopher will either love or worship a God he fears. "The fear of the Lord" is a very ancient heathen superstition. 34. The inducement Christ holds out for leading a virtuous life by the promise of "Well done, thou good and faithful servant," bespeaks a childish ignorance of the nature of the human mind and the true science of life. It ranks with the promise of the nurse of sugar-plums to the boy if he would keep his garments unsoiled. (For the remainder of the two hundred errors of Christ, see Vol. II.) There are many other errors found in the precepts and practical life of Jesus Christ (which we are compelled to omit an exposition of here), such as his losing his temper, and abusing the money-changers by overthrowing their counting-table, and expelling them from the temple with a whip of cords when engaged in a lawful' and laudable business; his getting mad at and cursing the fig tree; his dooming Capernaum to hell in a fit of anger; his being deceived by two of his disciples (Peter and Judas), which prompted him to call them devils; his implied approval of David, with his fourteen crimes and penitentiary deeds, and also Abraham, with his falsehoods, polygamy, and incest, and his implied sanction of the Old Testament, with all its errors and numerous crimes; his promise to his twelve apostles to "sit upon the twelve thrones of Israel" in heaven, thus evincing a very limited and childish conception of the enjoyments of the future life; his puerile idea of sin, consisting in a personal affront to a personal God; his omission to say anything about human freedom, the inalienable rights of man, &c. THE SCIENTIFIC ERRORS OF CHRIST. That Jesus Christ was neither a natural or moral philosopher is evident from the following facts:-- 1. He never made any use of the word "philosophy." 2. Never gave utterance to the word "science." 3. Never spoke of a natural law, or assigned a natural cause for anything. The fact that he never made use of these words now so current in all civilized countries, is evidence that he was totally ignorant of these important branches of knowledge, the cultivation of which is now known to be essential to the progress of civilization. And yet it is claimed his religion has been a great lever in the advancement of civilization. But this is a mistake--a solemn mistake, as elsewhere shown. (See Chap. XLV.) 4. Everything to Christ was miracle; everything was produced and controlled by the arbitrary power of an angry or irascible God. He evidently had no idea of a ruling principle in nature or of the existence of natural law, as controlling any event he witnessed. Hence he set no bounds to anything, and recognized no limits to the possible. He believed God to be a supernatural personal being, who possessed unlimited power, and who ruled and controlled everything by his arbitrary will, without any law or any limitation to its exercises. Hence he told his disciples they would have anything they prayed for in faith; that by faith they could roll mountains into the sea, or bring to a halt the rolling billows of the mighty deep. He evidently believed that the forked lightning, the out-bursting earth-shaking thunder, and the roaring, heaving volcano were but pliant tools or obsequious servants to the man of faith. And he displays no less ignorance of the laws of mind than the laws of nature; thus proving him to have been neither a natural, moral, nor mental philosopher. He omitted to teach the great moral lessons learned by human experience, of which he was evidently totally ignorant. 5. He never taught that the practice of virtue contains its own reward. 6. That the question of right and wrong of any action is to be decided by its effect upon the individual, or upon society. 7. That no life can be displeasing to God which is useful to man. 8. And he omitted to teach the most important lesson that can engage the attention of man, viz.: that the great purpose of life is self-development. 9. That no person can attain or approximate to real happiness without bestowing a special attention to the cultivation and exercise of all the mental and physical faculties, so far as to keep them in a healthy condition. None of the important lessons above named are hinted at in his teachings, which, if punctually observed, would do more to advance the happiness of the human race than all the sermons Christ or Chrishna ever preached, or ever taught. 10. And then he taught many doctrines which are plainly contradicted by the established principle of modern science, such as,-- 11. Diseases being produced by demons, devils, or wicked spirits. (See Mark ix. 20.) Christ nowhere assigns a natural cause for disease, or a scientific explanation for its cure. 12. His rebuking a fever discloses a similar lack of scientific knowledge. ( See Luke iv. 39.) 13. His belief in a literal hell and a lake of fire and brimstone (see Matt, xviii. 8) is an ancient heathen superstition science knows nothing about, and has no use for. 14. His belief in a personal devil also (see Matt. xvii. 88), which is another oriental tradition, furnishes more sad proof of an utter want of scientific knowledge, as science has no place for and no use for such a being. 15. Christ taught the unphilosophical doctrine of repentance, as he declared he "came to call sinners to repentance" (Matt. ix. 13)--a mental process, which consists merely in a revival of early impressions, and often leads a person to condemn that which is right, as well as that which is wrong. (For proof, see Chapter XLIII.) 16. The doctrine of "forgiveness," which Christ so often inculcated, is also at variance with the teachings of science, as it can do nothing toward changing the nature of the act forgiven, or toward cancelling its previous effects upon society. Science teaches that every crime has its penalty attached to it, which no act of forgiveness, by God or man, can arrest or set aside. 17. But nothing evinces, perhaps, more clearly Christ's total lack of scientific knowledge than his holding a man responsible for his belief, and condemning for disbelief, as he does in numerous instances (see Mark xvi. 16), for a man could as easily control the circulation of the blood in his veins as control his belief. Science teaches that belief depends upon evidence, and without it, it is impossible to believe, and with it, it is impossible to disbelieve. How foolish and unphilosophical, therefore, to condemn for either belief or disbelief! 18. The numerous cases in which Christ speaks of the heart as being the seat of consciousness, instead of the brain, evinces a remarkable ignorance of the science of mental philosophy. He speaks of an "upright heart," "a pure heart," &'c., when "an upright liver," "a pure liver," would be as sensible, as the latter has as much to do with the character as the former. 19. And the many cases in which he makes it meritorious to have a right "faith," and places it above reason, and assumes it to be a voluntary act, shows his utter ignorance of the nature of the human mind. 20. And Christ evinced a remarkable ignorance of the cause of physical defects, when he told his hearers a certain man was born blind, in order that he might cure him. (Matt. vii. 22.) 21. And Christ's declaration, that those who marry are not worthy of being saved (see Luke xx. 34), shows that he was very ignorant of the nature of the sexual functions of the human system. 22. Nothing could more completely demonstrate a total ignorance of the grand science of astronomy than Christ's prediction of the stars falling to the earth. (See Luke xxi. 25.) 23. And the conflagration of the world, "the gathering of the elect," and the realization of a fancied millennium, which he several times predicted would take place in his time, "before this generation pass away" (Matt, xxiv. 34), proves a like ignorance, both of astronomy and philosophy. 24. And his cursing of the fig tree for not bearing fruit in the winter season (see Matt. xxi. 20), not only proves his ignorance of the laws of nature, but evinces a bad temper. 25. Christ indorses the truth of Noah's flood story (see Luke xvii. 27), which every person at the present day, versed in science and natural law, knows is mere fiction, and never took place. And numerous other errors, evincing the most profound ignorance of science and natural law, might be pointed out in Christ's teachings, if we had space for them. It has always been alleged by orthodox Christendom, that Christ's teaching and moral system are so faultless as to challenge criticism, and so perfect as to defy improvement. But this is a serious mistake. For most of his precepts and moral inculcations which are not directly at war with the principles of science, or do not involve a flagrant violation of the laws of nature, are, nevertheless, characterized by a lawless and extravagant mode of expression peculiar to semi-savage life, and which, as it renders it impossible to reduce them to practice, shows they could not have emanated from a philosopher, or man of science, or a man of evenly-balanced mind. They impose upon the world a system of morality, pushed to such extremes that its own professed admirers do not live it out, or even attempt to do so. They long ago abandoned it as an impracticable duty. We will prove this by enumerating most of its requisitions, and showing that they are daily violated and trampled under foot by all Christendom. Where can the Christian professor be found who, 1. "takes no thought for the morrow" or, 2. who "lays not up treasure on earth," or, at least, tries to do it; or, 3. who "gives up all his property to the poor;" or who, "when his cloak is wrested from him by a robber," gives up his coat also; or who calls no man master or mister (the most common title in Christendom); or who calls no man father (if he has a father); or who calls no man a fool (when he knows he is a fool); or who, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turns the other to be battered up in the same way; or who prays without ceasing; or who rejoices when persecuted; or who forgives an enemy four hundred and ninety times (70 times 7); or who manifests by his practical life that he loves his enemies (the way he loves him is to report him to the grand jury, or hand him over to the sheriff); or who forsakes houses and land, and everything, "for the kingdom of heaven's sake." No Christian professor lives up to these precepts, or any of them, or even tries to do so. To talk, therefore, of finding a practical Christian, while nearly the whole moral code of Christ is thus daily and habitually outraged and trampled under foot by all the churches and every one of the two hundred millions of Christian professors, is bitter irony and supreme solecism. We would go five hundred miles, or pay five hundred dollars, to see a Christian. If a man can be a Christian while openly and habitually violating every precept of Christ, then the word has no meaning. These precepts, the Christian world finding to be impossible to practice, have unanimously laid upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." They are the product of a mind with an ardent temperament, and the religious faculties developed to excess, and unrestrained by

cried

How many times the word 'cried' appears in the text?

(Luke ii. 49.) "The kingdom of heaven is not mine to give, but the Son's." (Matt. xx. 23.) "I am come in my Son's name, and ye receive me not" (John v. 43.) "God cried, Jesus, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Matt. xiii. 28.) "No man hath seen Jesus at any time." (1 John i. 5-) "Jesus created all things by his Son." (Eph. iii. 9.) "God sat down (in heaven) at the right hand of Jesus." (Luke xxii. 69.) "There is one Jesus, one mediator between Jesus and men." (Gal. iii. 20.) "Jesus gave his only begotten Father." (1 John iv. 9) "God knows not the hour, but Jesus does." (Mark viii. 32.) "God is the servant of Jesus." (Mark xii. 18.) "God is ordained by Jesus." (Acts xvii. 31.) "The head of God is Christ." (Eph. i. 3.) "We have an advocate with Jesus, God the righteous." (1 John ii. 1.) "Jesus gave all power to God." (Matt, xxviii. 18.) "God abode all night in prayer to Jesus." (Luke vi. 12.) "God came down from heaven to do the will of Jesus." (John vi. 38.) "Jesus has made the Father his high priest." (Heb. x. 24.) "Last of all, the Son sent the Father." (Matt. xxi. 39.) "Jesus will save the world by that God whom he hath ordained." "Jesus is God of the Father." (John xx. 17.) "Jesus hath exalted God, and given him a more excellent name." (Phil. ii. 9.) "Jesus hath made God a little lower than the angels." (Heb. ii. 9.) "God can do nothing except what he seeth Jesus do." (John v. 19.) Now, the question arises, Is the above representation a true one? Most certainly it must be, if Jesus and the Father are but one almighty Being. A change of names and titles cannot alter the truth nor the sense. To say that Chief Justice Chase has gone south; Secretary Chase has gone south; Governor Chase has gone south; Ex-Senator Chase has gone south, or Salmon P. Chase has gone south, are affirmations equally true and equally sensible, because they all have reference to the same being; the case is to plain to need argument. The above reversal of names and titles of Jesus and the Father may sound very unpleasant and rather grating to Christ-adoring Christians, simply because it is the transposition of the tides of two very scripturally dissimilar beings, instead of being, as generally taught by orthodox Christians, "one in essence, one in mind, one in body or being, and one in name," as the Rev. Mr. Barnes affirms. Most self-evidently false is his statement, based solely on scriptural ground. If Jesus is "very God," and there is but one God, then the foregoing transposition cannot mar the sense nor altar the truth of one text quoted. CHAPTER XLI. THE PRECEPTS AND PRACTICAL LIFE OF JESUS CHRIST; HIS TWO HUNDRED ERRORS THE exaltation of men to the character and homage of divine beings has always had the effect to draw a vail over their errors and imperfections, so as to render them imperceptible to those who worship them as Gods. This is true of nearly all the deified men of antiquity, who were adored as incarnate divinities, among which may be included the Christian's man-God, Jesus Christ. The practice of the followers of these Gods has been, when an error was pointed out in their teachings, brought to light by the progress of science and general intelligence, to bestow upon the text some new and unwarranted meaning, entirely incompatible with its literal reading, or else to insist with a godly zeal on the correctness of the sentiment inculcated by the text, and thus essay to make error pass for truth. In this way millions of the disciples of' these Gods have been misled and blinded, and made to believe by their religious teachers and their religious education, that everything taught by their assumed-to-be divine exemplars is perfect truth, in perfect harmony with science, sense, and true morals. Indeed, the perversion of the mind and judgment by a religious education has been in many cases carried to such an extreme as to cause their devout and prejudiced followers either to entirely overlook and ignore their erroneous teachings, or to magnify them into God-given truths, and thus, as before stated, clothe error with the livery of truth. This state of things, it has long been noticed by unprejudiced minds, exists amongst the millions of professed believers in the divinity of Jesus Christ. Hence the errors, both in his moral lessons and his practical life, have passed from age to age unnoticed, because his pious and awe-stricken followers, having been taught that he was a divine teacher, have assumed that his teachings must all be true; and hence, too, have instituted no scrutiny to determine their truth or falsity. But we will now proceed to show that the progress of' science and general intelligence has brought to light many errors, not only in his teachings, but in his practical life also. In enumerating them, we will arrange them under the head MORAL AND RELIGIOUS ERRORS. 1. The first moral precept in the teachings of Christ, which we will bring to notice, is one of a numerous class, which may very properly be arranged under the head of Moral Extremism. We find many of his admonitions of this character. Nearly everything that is said is oversaid, carried to extremes--thus constituting an overwrought, extravagant system of morality, impracticable in its requisitions; as, for example, "Take no thought for the morrow." (Matt, v.) If the spirit of this injunction were carried out in practical life, there would be no grain sown and no seed planted in spring, no reaping done in harvest, and no crop garnered in autumn; and the result would be universal starvation in less than twelve months. But, fortunately for society, the Christian world have laid this positive injunction upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." 2. Christ's assumed-to-be most important requisition is found in the injunction, "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all else shall be added unto you." (Matt. vi. 33.) His early followers understood by this injunction, and doubtless understood it correctly, that they were to spend their lives in religious devotion, and neglect the practical duties of life, leaving "Providence" to take care of their families--a course of life which reduced many of them to the point of starvation. 3. The disciple of Christ is required, "when smitten on one cheek," to turn the other also that is, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turn the other, to be smashed up in like manner. This is an extravagant requisition, which none of his modern disciples even attempt to observe. 4. "Resist not evil" (Matt. v. 34) breathes forth a kindred spirit. This injunction requires you to stand with your hands in your pocket while being maltreated so cruelly and unmercifully that the forfeiture of your life may be the consequence--at least Christ's early followers so understood it. 5. The disciple of Christ is required, when his cloak is formally wrested from him, to give up his coat also. (See Matt, v.) And to carry out the principle, if the marauder demands it, he must next give up his boots, then his shirt, and thus strip himself of all his garments, and go naked. This looks like an invitation and bribe to robbery. 6. "Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth." (Matt. vi. 19.) This is another positive command of Christ, which the modern Christian world, by common consent, have laid on the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement," under the conviction that the wants of their families and the exigencies of sickness and old age cannot be served if they should live up to such an injunction. 7. "Sell all that thou hast,... and come and follow me," is another command which bespeaks more piety than wisdom, as all who have attempted to comply with it have reduced their families to beggary and want. 8. "If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him." Then he must hate it, as there are but the two principles, and "from hate proceed envy, strife, evil surmisings, and persecution." Evidently the remedy in this case for "worldly-mindedness" is worse than the disease. 9. "He that cometh to me, and hateth not father, mother, brother, and sister, &c., cannot be my disciple." (Luke xiv. 26). This breathes forth the same spirit as the last text quoted above. Many learned expositions have been penned by Christian writers to make it appear, that hate in this case does not mean hate. But certainly it would be a slander upon infinite wisdom to leave it to be inferred that he could not say or "inspire" his disciples to say exactly what he meant, and to say it so plainly as to leave no possibility of being misunderstood, or leave any ground for dispute about the meaning. 10. "Rejoice and be exceeding glad" when persecuted. (Matt. v. 4.) Now, as a state of rejoicing is the highest condition of happiness that can be realized, such advice must naturally prompt the religious zealot to court persecution, in order to obtain complete happiness, and consequently to pursue a dare-devil life to provoke persecution. 11. "Whosoever shall seek to save his life, shall lose it," &c. (Luke xvii. 33.) Here is displayed the spirit of martyrdom which has made millions reckless of life, and goaded on the frenzied bigot to seek the fiery fagot and the halter. We regard it as another display of religious fanaticism. 12. "Ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake." (Matt. x. 12.) How repulsive must have been their doctrines or their conduct! No sensible religion could excite the universal hatred of mankind. For it would contain something adapted to the moral, religious, or spiritual taste of some class or portion of society, and hence make it and its disciples loved instead of hated. And then how could they be "hated of all men," when not one man in a thousand ever heard of them? Here is more of the extravagance of religious enthusiasm. 13. "Shake off the dust of your feet" against those who cannot see the truth or utility of your doctrines. (Matt. x. 14.) Here Christ encourages in his disciples a spirit of contempt for the opinions of others calculated to make them "hated." A proper regard for the rules of good-breeding would have forbidden such rudeness toward strangers for a mere honest difference of opinion. 14. "Take nothing for your journey, neither staff, nor scrip, nor purse" (Mark vi. 8); that is "sponge on your friends, and force yourselves on your enemies," the latter class of which seem to have been much the most numerous. A preacher who should attempt to carry out this advice at the present day would be stopped at the first toll-gate, and compelled to return. Here is more violation of the rules of good-breeding, and the common courtesies of civilized life. 15. "Go and teach all nations," &c. Why issue an injunction that could not possibly be carried out? It never has been, and never will be, executed, for three-fourths of the human race have never yet heard of Christianity. It was not, therefore, a mark of wisdom, or a superior mind, to issue such an injunction. 16. "And he that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned." What intolerance, bigotry, relentless cruelty, and ignorance of the science of mind are here displayed! No philosopher would give utterance to, or indorse such a sentiment. It assumes that belief is a creature of the will, and that a man can believe anything he chooses, which is wide of the truth. And the assumption has been followed by persecution, misery, and bloodshed. 17. "All things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Matt. xxi. 22.) Here is an entire negation of natural law in the necessity of physical labor as a means to procure the comforts of life. When anything is wanted in the shape of food or raiment, it is to be obtained, according to this text, by going down on your knees and asking God to bestow it. But no Christian ever realized "all things whatsoever asked for in prayer," thought "believing with all his heart" he should obtain it. The author knows, by his own practical experience, that this declaration is not true. This promise has been falsified thousands of times by thousands of praying Christians. 18. "Be not called rabbi." "Call no man your father." (Matt, xxiii.) The Christian world assume that much of what Christ taught is mere idle nonsense, or the incoherent utterings of a religious fanatic; for they pay no more practical attention to it than the barking of a dog. And here is one command treated in this manner: "Call no man father." Where is the Christian who refuses to call his earthly sire a father? 19. "Call no man master." (Matt, xxiii.) And yet mister, which is the same thing, is the most common title in Christendom. 20. He who enunciates the two words, "'Thou fool.' shall be in danger of hell fire." (Matt, xxii.) Mercy! Who, then, can be saved? For there is probably not a live Christian in the world who has not called somebody a "fool," when he knew him to be such, and could not with truthfulness be called anything else. Here, then, is another command universally ignored and "indefinitely postponed." 21. "Swear not at all, neither by heaven nor earth." (Matt, v.) And yet no Christian refuses to indulge in legal, if not profane, swearing which the text evidently forbids. 22. "Men ought always to pray." (Luke xviii.) No time to be allowed for eating or sleeping. More religious fanaticism. 23. "Whosoever will be chief among you let him be your servant" (Matt. xx. 27); that is, no Christian professor shall be a president, governor, major-general, deacon, or priest. Another command laid on the table. 24. "Love your enemies." (Matt. v. 44.) Then what kind of feeling should we cultivate toward friends? And how much did he love his enemies when he called them "fools," "liars," "hypocrites," "generation of vipers," &c.? And yet he is held up as "our" example in love, meekness, and forbearance. But no man ever did love an enemy. It is a moral impossibility, as much so as to love bitter or nauseating food. The advice of the Roman slave Syrus is indicative of more sense and wisdom--"Treat your enemy kindly, and thus make him a friend." 25. We are required to forgive an enemy four hundred and ninety times; that is, "seventy times seven." (Matt, vii.) Another outburst of religious enthusiasm; another proof of an overheated imagination. 26. "Be ye perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect." (Matt. v. 48.) Here is more of the religious extravagance of a mind uncultured by science. For it is self-evident that human beings can make no approximation to divine perfection. The distance between human imperfection and a perfect God is, and ever must be, infinite. 27. Christ commended those who "became eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake" (Matt. xix. 12)--a custom requiring a murderous, self-butchering process; destructive of the energies of life and the vigor of manhood, and rendering the subject weak, effeminate, and mopish, and unfit for the business of life. It is a low species of piety, and discloses a lamentable lack of a scientific knowledge of the true functions of the sexual organs on the part of Jesus. 28. Christ also encouraged his disciples to "pluck out the eye," and "cut off the hand," as a means of rendering it impossible to perpetrate evil with those members. And we would suggest, if such advice is consistent with sound reasoning, the head also should be cut off, as a means of more effectually carrying out the same principle. Such advice never came from the mouth of a philosopher. It is a part of Christ's system of extravagant piety. 29. He also taught the senseless, oriental tradition of "the unpardonable sin against the Holy Ghost"--a fabulous being who figured more anciently in the history of various countries. (See Chapter XXII.) No philosopher or man of science could harbor such childish misconceptions as are embodied in this tradition, which neither describes the being nor explains the nature of the sin. 30. We find many proofs, in Christ's Gospel history, that he believed in the ancient heathen tradition which taught that disease is caused by demons and evil spirits. (See Luke vii. 21, and viii. 2.) 31. Many cases are reported of his relieving the obsessed by casting out the diabolical intruders, in imitation of the oriental custom long in vogue in various countries, by which he evinced a profound ignorance of the natural causes of disease. 32. Christ also taught the old pagan superstition that "God is a God of anger," while modern science teaches that it would be as impossible for a God of perfect and infinite attributes to experience the feeling of anger as to commit suicide; and recent discoveries in physiology prove that anger is a species of suicide, and that it is also a species of insanity. Hence an angry God would be an insane God--an omnipotent lunatic, "ruling the kingdom of heaven," which would make heaven a lunatic asylum, and rather a dangerous place to live. 33. And Christ's injunction to "fear God" also implies that he is an angry being. (See Luke xxiii. 40.) But y past history proves that "the fear of God" has always been the great lever of priestcraft, and the most paltry and pitiful motive that ever moved the human mind. It has paralyzed the noblest intellects, crushed the elasticity of youth, and augmented the hesitating indecision of old age, and finally filled the world with cowardly, trembling slaves. No philosopher will either love or worship a God he fears. "The fear of the Lord" is a very ancient heathen superstition. 34. The inducement Christ holds out for leading a virtuous life by the promise of "Well done, thou good and faithful servant," bespeaks a childish ignorance of the nature of the human mind and the true science of life. It ranks with the promise of the nurse of sugar-plums to the boy if he would keep his garments unsoiled. (For the remainder of the two hundred errors of Christ, see Vol. II.) There are many other errors found in the precepts and practical life of Jesus Christ (which we are compelled to omit an exposition of here), such as his losing his temper, and abusing the money-changers by overthrowing their counting-table, and expelling them from the temple with a whip of cords when engaged in a lawful' and laudable business; his getting mad at and cursing the fig tree; his dooming Capernaum to hell in a fit of anger; his being deceived by two of his disciples (Peter and Judas), which prompted him to call them devils; his implied approval of David, with his fourteen crimes and penitentiary deeds, and also Abraham, with his falsehoods, polygamy, and incest, and his implied sanction of the Old Testament, with all its errors and numerous crimes; his promise to his twelve apostles to "sit upon the twelve thrones of Israel" in heaven, thus evincing a very limited and childish conception of the enjoyments of the future life; his puerile idea of sin, consisting in a personal affront to a personal God; his omission to say anything about human freedom, the inalienable rights of man, &c. THE SCIENTIFIC ERRORS OF CHRIST. That Jesus Christ was neither a natural or moral philosopher is evident from the following facts:-- 1. He never made any use of the word "philosophy." 2. Never gave utterance to the word "science." 3. Never spoke of a natural law, or assigned a natural cause for anything. The fact that he never made use of these words now so current in all civilized countries, is evidence that he was totally ignorant of these important branches of knowledge, the cultivation of which is now known to be essential to the progress of civilization. And yet it is claimed his religion has been a great lever in the advancement of civilization. But this is a mistake--a solemn mistake, as elsewhere shown. (See Chap. XLV.) 4. Everything to Christ was miracle; everything was produced and controlled by the arbitrary power of an angry or irascible God. He evidently had no idea of a ruling principle in nature or of the existence of natural law, as controlling any event he witnessed. Hence he set no bounds to anything, and recognized no limits to the possible. He believed God to be a supernatural personal being, who possessed unlimited power, and who ruled and controlled everything by his arbitrary will, without any law or any limitation to its exercises. Hence he told his disciples they would have anything they prayed for in faith; that by faith they could roll mountains into the sea, or bring to a halt the rolling billows of the mighty deep. He evidently believed that the forked lightning, the out-bursting earth-shaking thunder, and the roaring, heaving volcano were but pliant tools or obsequious servants to the man of faith. And he displays no less ignorance of the laws of mind than the laws of nature; thus proving him to have been neither a natural, moral, nor mental philosopher. He omitted to teach the great moral lessons learned by human experience, of which he was evidently totally ignorant. 5. He never taught that the practice of virtue contains its own reward. 6. That the question of right and wrong of any action is to be decided by its effect upon the individual, or upon society. 7. That no life can be displeasing to God which is useful to man. 8. And he omitted to teach the most important lesson that can engage the attention of man, viz.: that the great purpose of life is self-development. 9. That no person can attain or approximate to real happiness without bestowing a special attention to the cultivation and exercise of all the mental and physical faculties, so far as to keep them in a healthy condition. None of the important lessons above named are hinted at in his teachings, which, if punctually observed, would do more to advance the happiness of the human race than all the sermons Christ or Chrishna ever preached, or ever taught. 10. And then he taught many doctrines which are plainly contradicted by the established principle of modern science, such as,-- 11. Diseases being produced by demons, devils, or wicked spirits. (See Mark ix. 20.) Christ nowhere assigns a natural cause for disease, or a scientific explanation for its cure. 12. His rebuking a fever discloses a similar lack of scientific knowledge. ( See Luke iv. 39.) 13. His belief in a literal hell and a lake of fire and brimstone (see Matt, xviii. 8) is an ancient heathen superstition science knows nothing about, and has no use for. 14. His belief in a personal devil also (see Matt. xvii. 88), which is another oriental tradition, furnishes more sad proof of an utter want of scientific knowledge, as science has no place for and no use for such a being. 15. Christ taught the unphilosophical doctrine of repentance, as he declared he "came to call sinners to repentance" (Matt. ix. 13)--a mental process, which consists merely in a revival of early impressions, and often leads a person to condemn that which is right, as well as that which is wrong. (For proof, see Chapter XLIII.) 16. The doctrine of "forgiveness," which Christ so often inculcated, is also at variance with the teachings of science, as it can do nothing toward changing the nature of the act forgiven, or toward cancelling its previous effects upon society. Science teaches that every crime has its penalty attached to it, which no act of forgiveness, by God or man, can arrest or set aside. 17. But nothing evinces, perhaps, more clearly Christ's total lack of scientific knowledge than his holding a man responsible for his belief, and condemning for disbelief, as he does in numerous instances (see Mark xvi. 16), for a man could as easily control the circulation of the blood in his veins as control his belief. Science teaches that belief depends upon evidence, and without it, it is impossible to believe, and with it, it is impossible to disbelieve. How foolish and unphilosophical, therefore, to condemn for either belief or disbelief! 18. The numerous cases in which Christ speaks of the heart as being the seat of consciousness, instead of the brain, evinces a remarkable ignorance of the science of mental philosophy. He speaks of an "upright heart," "a pure heart," &'c., when "an upright liver," "a pure liver," would be as sensible, as the latter has as much to do with the character as the former. 19. And the many cases in which he makes it meritorious to have a right "faith," and places it above reason, and assumes it to be a voluntary act, shows his utter ignorance of the nature of the human mind. 20. And Christ evinced a remarkable ignorance of the cause of physical defects, when he told his hearers a certain man was born blind, in order that he might cure him. (Matt. vii. 22.) 21. And Christ's declaration, that those who marry are not worthy of being saved (see Luke xx. 34), shows that he was very ignorant of the nature of the sexual functions of the human system. 22. Nothing could more completely demonstrate a total ignorance of the grand science of astronomy than Christ's prediction of the stars falling to the earth. (See Luke xxi. 25.) 23. And the conflagration of the world, "the gathering of the elect," and the realization of a fancied millennium, which he several times predicted would take place in his time, "before this generation pass away" (Matt, xxiv. 34), proves a like ignorance, both of astronomy and philosophy. 24. And his cursing of the fig tree for not bearing fruit in the winter season (see Matt. xxi. 20), not only proves his ignorance of the laws of nature, but evinces a bad temper. 25. Christ indorses the truth of Noah's flood story (see Luke xvii. 27), which every person at the present day, versed in science and natural law, knows is mere fiction, and never took place. And numerous other errors, evincing the most profound ignorance of science and natural law, might be pointed out in Christ's teachings, if we had space for them. It has always been alleged by orthodox Christendom, that Christ's teaching and moral system are so faultless as to challenge criticism, and so perfect as to defy improvement. But this is a serious mistake. For most of his precepts and moral inculcations which are not directly at war with the principles of science, or do not involve a flagrant violation of the laws of nature, are, nevertheless, characterized by a lawless and extravagant mode of expression peculiar to semi-savage life, and which, as it renders it impossible to reduce them to practice, shows they could not have emanated from a philosopher, or man of science, or a man of evenly-balanced mind. They impose upon the world a system of morality, pushed to such extremes that its own professed admirers do not live it out, or even attempt to do so. They long ago abandoned it as an impracticable duty. We will prove this by enumerating most of its requisitions, and showing that they are daily violated and trampled under foot by all Christendom. Where can the Christian professor be found who, 1. "takes no thought for the morrow" or, 2. who "lays not up treasure on earth," or, at least, tries to do it; or, 3. who "gives up all his property to the poor;" or who, "when his cloak is wrested from him by a robber," gives up his coat also; or who calls no man master or mister (the most common title in Christendom); or who calls no man father (if he has a father); or who calls no man a fool (when he knows he is a fool); or who, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turns the other to be battered up in the same way; or who prays without ceasing; or who rejoices when persecuted; or who forgives an enemy four hundred and ninety times (70 times 7); or who manifests by his practical life that he loves his enemies (the way he loves him is to report him to the grand jury, or hand him over to the sheriff); or who forsakes houses and land, and everything, "for the kingdom of heaven's sake." No Christian professor lives up to these precepts, or any of them, or even tries to do so. To talk, therefore, of finding a practical Christian, while nearly the whole moral code of Christ is thus daily and habitually outraged and trampled under foot by all the churches and every one of the two hundred millions of Christian professors, is bitter irony and supreme solecism. We would go five hundred miles, or pay five hundred dollars, to see a Christian. If a man can be a Christian while openly and habitually violating every precept of Christ, then the word has no meaning. These precepts, the Christian world finding to be impossible to practice, have unanimously laid upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." They are the product of a mind with an ardent temperament, and the religious faculties developed to excess, and unrestrained by

boardroom

How many times the word 'boardroom' appears in the text?

(Luke ii. 49.) "The kingdom of heaven is not mine to give, but the Son's." (Matt. xx. 23.) "I am come in my Son's name, and ye receive me not" (John v. 43.) "God cried, Jesus, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Matt. xiii. 28.) "No man hath seen Jesus at any time." (1 John i. 5-) "Jesus created all things by his Son." (Eph. iii. 9.) "God sat down (in heaven) at the right hand of Jesus." (Luke xxii. 69.) "There is one Jesus, one mediator between Jesus and men." (Gal. iii. 20.) "Jesus gave his only begotten Father." (1 John iv. 9) "God knows not the hour, but Jesus does." (Mark viii. 32.) "God is the servant of Jesus." (Mark xii. 18.) "God is ordained by Jesus." (Acts xvii. 31.) "The head of God is Christ." (Eph. i. 3.) "We have an advocate with Jesus, God the righteous." (1 John ii. 1.) "Jesus gave all power to God." (Matt, xxviii. 18.) "God abode all night in prayer to Jesus." (Luke vi. 12.) "God came down from heaven to do the will of Jesus." (John vi. 38.) "Jesus has made the Father his high priest." (Heb. x. 24.) "Last of all, the Son sent the Father." (Matt. xxi. 39.) "Jesus will save the world by that God whom he hath ordained." "Jesus is God of the Father." (John xx. 17.) "Jesus hath exalted God, and given him a more excellent name." (Phil. ii. 9.) "Jesus hath made God a little lower than the angels." (Heb. ii. 9.) "God can do nothing except what he seeth Jesus do." (John v. 19.) Now, the question arises, Is the above representation a true one? Most certainly it must be, if Jesus and the Father are but one almighty Being. A change of names and titles cannot alter the truth nor the sense. To say that Chief Justice Chase has gone south; Secretary Chase has gone south; Governor Chase has gone south; Ex-Senator Chase has gone south, or Salmon P. Chase has gone south, are affirmations equally true and equally sensible, because they all have reference to the same being; the case is to plain to need argument. The above reversal of names and titles of Jesus and the Father may sound very unpleasant and rather grating to Christ-adoring Christians, simply because it is the transposition of the tides of two very scripturally dissimilar beings, instead of being, as generally taught by orthodox Christians, "one in essence, one in mind, one in body or being, and one in name," as the Rev. Mr. Barnes affirms. Most self-evidently false is his statement, based solely on scriptural ground. If Jesus is "very God," and there is but one God, then the foregoing transposition cannot mar the sense nor altar the truth of one text quoted. CHAPTER XLI. THE PRECEPTS AND PRACTICAL LIFE OF JESUS CHRIST; HIS TWO HUNDRED ERRORS THE exaltation of men to the character and homage of divine beings has always had the effect to draw a vail over their errors and imperfections, so as to render them imperceptible to those who worship them as Gods. This is true of nearly all the deified men of antiquity, who were adored as incarnate divinities, among which may be included the Christian's man-God, Jesus Christ. The practice of the followers of these Gods has been, when an error was pointed out in their teachings, brought to light by the progress of science and general intelligence, to bestow upon the text some new and unwarranted meaning, entirely incompatible with its literal reading, or else to insist with a godly zeal on the correctness of the sentiment inculcated by the text, and thus essay to make error pass for truth. In this way millions of the disciples of' these Gods have been misled and blinded, and made to believe by their religious teachers and their religious education, that everything taught by their assumed-to-be divine exemplars is perfect truth, in perfect harmony with science, sense, and true morals. Indeed, the perversion of the mind and judgment by a religious education has been in many cases carried to such an extreme as to cause their devout and prejudiced followers either to entirely overlook and ignore their erroneous teachings, or to magnify them into God-given truths, and thus, as before stated, clothe error with the livery of truth. This state of things, it has long been noticed by unprejudiced minds, exists amongst the millions of professed believers in the divinity of Jesus Christ. Hence the errors, both in his moral lessons and his practical life, have passed from age to age unnoticed, because his pious and awe-stricken followers, having been taught that he was a divine teacher, have assumed that his teachings must all be true; and hence, too, have instituted no scrutiny to determine their truth or falsity. But we will now proceed to show that the progress of' science and general intelligence has brought to light many errors, not only in his teachings, but in his practical life also. In enumerating them, we will arrange them under the head MORAL AND RELIGIOUS ERRORS. 1. The first moral precept in the teachings of Christ, which we will bring to notice, is one of a numerous class, which may very properly be arranged under the head of Moral Extremism. We find many of his admonitions of this character. Nearly everything that is said is oversaid, carried to extremes--thus constituting an overwrought, extravagant system of morality, impracticable in its requisitions; as, for example, "Take no thought for the morrow." (Matt, v.) If the spirit of this injunction were carried out in practical life, there would be no grain sown and no seed planted in spring, no reaping done in harvest, and no crop garnered in autumn; and the result would be universal starvation in less than twelve months. But, fortunately for society, the Christian world have laid this positive injunction upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." 2. Christ's assumed-to-be most important requisition is found in the injunction, "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all else shall be added unto you." (Matt. vi. 33.) His early followers understood by this injunction, and doubtless understood it correctly, that they were to spend their lives in religious devotion, and neglect the practical duties of life, leaving "Providence" to take care of their families--a course of life which reduced many of them to the point of starvation. 3. The disciple of Christ is required, "when smitten on one cheek," to turn the other also that is, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turn the other, to be smashed up in like manner. This is an extravagant requisition, which none of his modern disciples even attempt to observe. 4. "Resist not evil" (Matt. v. 34) breathes forth a kindred spirit. This injunction requires you to stand with your hands in your pocket while being maltreated so cruelly and unmercifully that the forfeiture of your life may be the consequence--at least Christ's early followers so understood it. 5. The disciple of Christ is required, when his cloak is formally wrested from him, to give up his coat also. (See Matt, v.) And to carry out the principle, if the marauder demands it, he must next give up his boots, then his shirt, and thus strip himself of all his garments, and go naked. This looks like an invitation and bribe to robbery. 6. "Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth." (Matt. vi. 19.) This is another positive command of Christ, which the modern Christian world, by common consent, have laid on the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement," under the conviction that the wants of their families and the exigencies of sickness and old age cannot be served if they should live up to such an injunction. 7. "Sell all that thou hast,... and come and follow me," is another command which bespeaks more piety than wisdom, as all who have attempted to comply with it have reduced their families to beggary and want. 8. "If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him." Then he must hate it, as there are but the two principles, and "from hate proceed envy, strife, evil surmisings, and persecution." Evidently the remedy in this case for "worldly-mindedness" is worse than the disease. 9. "He that cometh to me, and hateth not father, mother, brother, and sister, &c., cannot be my disciple." (Luke xiv. 26). This breathes forth the same spirit as the last text quoted above. Many learned expositions have been penned by Christian writers to make it appear, that hate in this case does not mean hate. But certainly it would be a slander upon infinite wisdom to leave it to be inferred that he could not say or "inspire" his disciples to say exactly what he meant, and to say it so plainly as to leave no possibility of being misunderstood, or leave any ground for dispute about the meaning. 10. "Rejoice and be exceeding glad" when persecuted. (Matt. v. 4.) Now, as a state of rejoicing is the highest condition of happiness that can be realized, such advice must naturally prompt the religious zealot to court persecution, in order to obtain complete happiness, and consequently to pursue a dare-devil life to provoke persecution. 11. "Whosoever shall seek to save his life, shall lose it," &c. (Luke xvii. 33.) Here is displayed the spirit of martyrdom which has made millions reckless of life, and goaded on the frenzied bigot to seek the fiery fagot and the halter. We regard it as another display of religious fanaticism. 12. "Ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake." (Matt. x. 12.) How repulsive must have been their doctrines or their conduct! No sensible religion could excite the universal hatred of mankind. For it would contain something adapted to the moral, religious, or spiritual taste of some class or portion of society, and hence make it and its disciples loved instead of hated. And then how could they be "hated of all men," when not one man in a thousand ever heard of them? Here is more of the extravagance of religious enthusiasm. 13. "Shake off the dust of your feet" against those who cannot see the truth or utility of your doctrines. (Matt. x. 14.) Here Christ encourages in his disciples a spirit of contempt for the opinions of others calculated to make them "hated." A proper regard for the rules of good-breeding would have forbidden such rudeness toward strangers for a mere honest difference of opinion. 14. "Take nothing for your journey, neither staff, nor scrip, nor purse" (Mark vi. 8); that is "sponge on your friends, and force yourselves on your enemies," the latter class of which seem to have been much the most numerous. A preacher who should attempt to carry out this advice at the present day would be stopped at the first toll-gate, and compelled to return. Here is more violation of the rules of good-breeding, and the common courtesies of civilized life. 15. "Go and teach all nations," &c. Why issue an injunction that could not possibly be carried out? It never has been, and never will be, executed, for three-fourths of the human race have never yet heard of Christianity. It was not, therefore, a mark of wisdom, or a superior mind, to issue such an injunction. 16. "And he that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned." What intolerance, bigotry, relentless cruelty, and ignorance of the science of mind are here displayed! No philosopher would give utterance to, or indorse such a sentiment. It assumes that belief is a creature of the will, and that a man can believe anything he chooses, which is wide of the truth. And the assumption has been followed by persecution, misery, and bloodshed. 17. "All things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Matt. xxi. 22.) Here is an entire negation of natural law in the necessity of physical labor as a means to procure the comforts of life. When anything is wanted in the shape of food or raiment, it is to be obtained, according to this text, by going down on your knees and asking God to bestow it. But no Christian ever realized "all things whatsoever asked for in prayer," thought "believing with all his heart" he should obtain it. The author knows, by his own practical experience, that this declaration is not true. This promise has been falsified thousands of times by thousands of praying Christians. 18. "Be not called rabbi." "Call no man your father." (Matt, xxiii.) The Christian world assume that much of what Christ taught is mere idle nonsense, or the incoherent utterings of a religious fanatic; for they pay no more practical attention to it than the barking of a dog. And here is one command treated in this manner: "Call no man father." Where is the Christian who refuses to call his earthly sire a father? 19. "Call no man master." (Matt, xxiii.) And yet mister, which is the same thing, is the most common title in Christendom. 20. He who enunciates the two words, "'Thou fool.' shall be in danger of hell fire." (Matt, xxii.) Mercy! Who, then, can be saved? For there is probably not a live Christian in the world who has not called somebody a "fool," when he knew him to be such, and could not with truthfulness be called anything else. Here, then, is another command universally ignored and "indefinitely postponed." 21. "Swear not at all, neither by heaven nor earth." (Matt, v.) And yet no Christian refuses to indulge in legal, if not profane, swearing which the text evidently forbids. 22. "Men ought always to pray." (Luke xviii.) No time to be allowed for eating or sleeping. More religious fanaticism. 23. "Whosoever will be chief among you let him be your servant" (Matt. xx. 27); that is, no Christian professor shall be a president, governor, major-general, deacon, or priest. Another command laid on the table. 24. "Love your enemies." (Matt. v. 44.) Then what kind of feeling should we cultivate toward friends? And how much did he love his enemies when he called them "fools," "liars," "hypocrites," "generation of vipers," &c.? And yet he is held up as "our" example in love, meekness, and forbearance. But no man ever did love an enemy. It is a moral impossibility, as much so as to love bitter or nauseating food. The advice of the Roman slave Syrus is indicative of more sense and wisdom--"Treat your enemy kindly, and thus make him a friend." 25. We are required to forgive an enemy four hundred and ninety times; that is, "seventy times seven." (Matt, vii.) Another outburst of religious enthusiasm; another proof of an overheated imagination. 26. "Be ye perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect." (Matt. v. 48.) Here is more of the religious extravagance of a mind uncultured by science. For it is self-evident that human beings can make no approximation to divine perfection. The distance between human imperfection and a perfect God is, and ever must be, infinite. 27. Christ commended those who "became eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake" (Matt. xix. 12)--a custom requiring a murderous, self-butchering process; destructive of the energies of life and the vigor of manhood, and rendering the subject weak, effeminate, and mopish, and unfit for the business of life. It is a low species of piety, and discloses a lamentable lack of a scientific knowledge of the true functions of the sexual organs on the part of Jesus. 28. Christ also encouraged his disciples to "pluck out the eye," and "cut off the hand," as a means of rendering it impossible to perpetrate evil with those members. And we would suggest, if such advice is consistent with sound reasoning, the head also should be cut off, as a means of more effectually carrying out the same principle. Such advice never came from the mouth of a philosopher. It is a part of Christ's system of extravagant piety. 29. He also taught the senseless, oriental tradition of "the unpardonable sin against the Holy Ghost"--a fabulous being who figured more anciently in the history of various countries. (See Chapter XXII.) No philosopher or man of science could harbor such childish misconceptions as are embodied in this tradition, which neither describes the being nor explains the nature of the sin. 30. We find many proofs, in Christ's Gospel history, that he believed in the ancient heathen tradition which taught that disease is caused by demons and evil spirits. (See Luke vii. 21, and viii. 2.) 31. Many cases are reported of his relieving the obsessed by casting out the diabolical intruders, in imitation of the oriental custom long in vogue in various countries, by which he evinced a profound ignorance of the natural causes of disease. 32. Christ also taught the old pagan superstition that "God is a God of anger," while modern science teaches that it would be as impossible for a God of perfect and infinite attributes to experience the feeling of anger as to commit suicide; and recent discoveries in physiology prove that anger is a species of suicide, and that it is also a species of insanity. Hence an angry God would be an insane God--an omnipotent lunatic, "ruling the kingdom of heaven," which would make heaven a lunatic asylum, and rather a dangerous place to live. 33. And Christ's injunction to "fear God" also implies that he is an angry being. (See Luke xxiii. 40.) But y past history proves that "the fear of God" has always been the great lever of priestcraft, and the most paltry and pitiful motive that ever moved the human mind. It has paralyzed the noblest intellects, crushed the elasticity of youth, and augmented the hesitating indecision of old age, and finally filled the world with cowardly, trembling slaves. No philosopher will either love or worship a God he fears. "The fear of the Lord" is a very ancient heathen superstition. 34. The inducement Christ holds out for leading a virtuous life by the promise of "Well done, thou good and faithful servant," bespeaks a childish ignorance of the nature of the human mind and the true science of life. It ranks with the promise of the nurse of sugar-plums to the boy if he would keep his garments unsoiled. (For the remainder of the two hundred errors of Christ, see Vol. II.) There are many other errors found in the precepts and practical life of Jesus Christ (which we are compelled to omit an exposition of here), such as his losing his temper, and abusing the money-changers by overthrowing their counting-table, and expelling them from the temple with a whip of cords when engaged in a lawful' and laudable business; his getting mad at and cursing the fig tree; his dooming Capernaum to hell in a fit of anger; his being deceived by two of his disciples (Peter and Judas), which prompted him to call them devils; his implied approval of David, with his fourteen crimes and penitentiary deeds, and also Abraham, with his falsehoods, polygamy, and incest, and his implied sanction of the Old Testament, with all its errors and numerous crimes; his promise to his twelve apostles to "sit upon the twelve thrones of Israel" in heaven, thus evincing a very limited and childish conception of the enjoyments of the future life; his puerile idea of sin, consisting in a personal affront to a personal God; his omission to say anything about human freedom, the inalienable rights of man, &c. THE SCIENTIFIC ERRORS OF CHRIST. That Jesus Christ was neither a natural or moral philosopher is evident from the following facts:-- 1. He never made any use of the word "philosophy." 2. Never gave utterance to the word "science." 3. Never spoke of a natural law, or assigned a natural cause for anything. The fact that he never made use of these words now so current in all civilized countries, is evidence that he was totally ignorant of these important branches of knowledge, the cultivation of which is now known to be essential to the progress of civilization. And yet it is claimed his religion has been a great lever in the advancement of civilization. But this is a mistake--a solemn mistake, as elsewhere shown. (See Chap. XLV.) 4. Everything to Christ was miracle; everything was produced and controlled by the arbitrary power of an angry or irascible God. He evidently had no idea of a ruling principle in nature or of the existence of natural law, as controlling any event he witnessed. Hence he set no bounds to anything, and recognized no limits to the possible. He believed God to be a supernatural personal being, who possessed unlimited power, and who ruled and controlled everything by his arbitrary will, without any law or any limitation to its exercises. Hence he told his disciples they would have anything they prayed for in faith; that by faith they could roll mountains into the sea, or bring to a halt the rolling billows of the mighty deep. He evidently believed that the forked lightning, the out-bursting earth-shaking thunder, and the roaring, heaving volcano were but pliant tools or obsequious servants to the man of faith. And he displays no less ignorance of the laws of mind than the laws of nature; thus proving him to have been neither a natural, moral, nor mental philosopher. He omitted to teach the great moral lessons learned by human experience, of which he was evidently totally ignorant. 5. He never taught that the practice of virtue contains its own reward. 6. That the question of right and wrong of any action is to be decided by its effect upon the individual, or upon society. 7. That no life can be displeasing to God which is useful to man. 8. And he omitted to teach the most important lesson that can engage the attention of man, viz.: that the great purpose of life is self-development. 9. That no person can attain or approximate to real happiness without bestowing a special attention to the cultivation and exercise of all the mental and physical faculties, so far as to keep them in a healthy condition. None of the important lessons above named are hinted at in his teachings, which, if punctually observed, would do more to advance the happiness of the human race than all the sermons Christ or Chrishna ever preached, or ever taught. 10. And then he taught many doctrines which are plainly contradicted by the established principle of modern science, such as,-- 11. Diseases being produced by demons, devils, or wicked spirits. (See Mark ix. 20.) Christ nowhere assigns a natural cause for disease, or a scientific explanation for its cure. 12. His rebuking a fever discloses a similar lack of scientific knowledge. ( See Luke iv. 39.) 13. His belief in a literal hell and a lake of fire and brimstone (see Matt, xviii. 8) is an ancient heathen superstition science knows nothing about, and has no use for. 14. His belief in a personal devil also (see Matt. xvii. 88), which is another oriental tradition, furnishes more sad proof of an utter want of scientific knowledge, as science has no place for and no use for such a being. 15. Christ taught the unphilosophical doctrine of repentance, as he declared he "came to call sinners to repentance" (Matt. ix. 13)--a mental process, which consists merely in a revival of early impressions, and often leads a person to condemn that which is right, as well as that which is wrong. (For proof, see Chapter XLIII.) 16. The doctrine of "forgiveness," which Christ so often inculcated, is also at variance with the teachings of science, as it can do nothing toward changing the nature of the act forgiven, or toward cancelling its previous effects upon society. Science teaches that every crime has its penalty attached to it, which no act of forgiveness, by God or man, can arrest or set aside. 17. But nothing evinces, perhaps, more clearly Christ's total lack of scientific knowledge than his holding a man responsible for his belief, and condemning for disbelief, as he does in numerous instances (see Mark xvi. 16), for a man could as easily control the circulation of the blood in his veins as control his belief. Science teaches that belief depends upon evidence, and without it, it is impossible to believe, and with it, it is impossible to disbelieve. How foolish and unphilosophical, therefore, to condemn for either belief or disbelief! 18. The numerous cases in which Christ speaks of the heart as being the seat of consciousness, instead of the brain, evinces a remarkable ignorance of the science of mental philosophy. He speaks of an "upright heart," "a pure heart," &'c., when "an upright liver," "a pure liver," would be as sensible, as the latter has as much to do with the character as the former. 19. And the many cases in which he makes it meritorious to have a right "faith," and places it above reason, and assumes it to be a voluntary act, shows his utter ignorance of the nature of the human mind. 20. And Christ evinced a remarkable ignorance of the cause of physical defects, when he told his hearers a certain man was born blind, in order that he might cure him. (Matt. vii. 22.) 21. And Christ's declaration, that those who marry are not worthy of being saved (see Luke xx. 34), shows that he was very ignorant of the nature of the sexual functions of the human system. 22. Nothing could more completely demonstrate a total ignorance of the grand science of astronomy than Christ's prediction of the stars falling to the earth. (See Luke xxi. 25.) 23. And the conflagration of the world, "the gathering of the elect," and the realization of a fancied millennium, which he several times predicted would take place in his time, "before this generation pass away" (Matt, xxiv. 34), proves a like ignorance, both of astronomy and philosophy. 24. And his cursing of the fig tree for not bearing fruit in the winter season (see Matt. xxi. 20), not only proves his ignorance of the laws of nature, but evinces a bad temper. 25. Christ indorses the truth of Noah's flood story (see Luke xvii. 27), which every person at the present day, versed in science and natural law, knows is mere fiction, and never took place. And numerous other errors, evincing the most profound ignorance of science and natural law, might be pointed out in Christ's teachings, if we had space for them. It has always been alleged by orthodox Christendom, that Christ's teaching and moral system are so faultless as to challenge criticism, and so perfect as to defy improvement. But this is a serious mistake. For most of his precepts and moral inculcations which are not directly at war with the principles of science, or do not involve a flagrant violation of the laws of nature, are, nevertheless, characterized by a lawless and extravagant mode of expression peculiar to semi-savage life, and which, as it renders it impossible to reduce them to practice, shows they could not have emanated from a philosopher, or man of science, or a man of evenly-balanced mind. They impose upon the world a system of morality, pushed to such extremes that its own professed admirers do not live it out, or even attempt to do so. They long ago abandoned it as an impracticable duty. We will prove this by enumerating most of its requisitions, and showing that they are daily violated and trampled under foot by all Christendom. Where can the Christian professor be found who, 1. "takes no thought for the morrow" or, 2. who "lays not up treasure on earth," or, at least, tries to do it; or, 3. who "gives up all his property to the poor;" or who, "when his cloak is wrested from him by a robber," gives up his coat also; or who calls no man master or mister (the most common title in Christendom); or who calls no man father (if he has a father); or who calls no man a fool (when he knows he is a fool); or who, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turns the other to be battered up in the same way; or who prays without ceasing; or who rejoices when persecuted; or who forgives an enemy four hundred and ninety times (70 times 7); or who manifests by his practical life that he loves his enemies (the way he loves him is to report him to the grand jury, or hand him over to the sheriff); or who forsakes houses and land, and everything, "for the kingdom of heaven's sake." No Christian professor lives up to these precepts, or any of them, or even tries to do so. To talk, therefore, of finding a practical Christian, while nearly the whole moral code of Christ is thus daily and habitually outraged and trampled under foot by all the churches and every one of the two hundred millions of Christian professors, is bitter irony and supreme solecism. We would go five hundred miles, or pay five hundred dollars, to see a Christian. If a man can be a Christian while openly and habitually violating every precept of Christ, then the word has no meaning. These precepts, the Christian world finding to be impossible to practice, have unanimously laid upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." They are the product of a mind with an ardent temperament, and the religious faculties developed to excess, and unrestrained by

perpetrate

How many times the word 'perpetrate' appears in the text?

(Luke ii. 49.) "The kingdom of heaven is not mine to give, but the Son's." (Matt. xx. 23.) "I am come in my Son's name, and ye receive me not" (John v. 43.) "God cried, Jesus, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Matt. xiii. 28.) "No man hath seen Jesus at any time." (1 John i. 5-) "Jesus created all things by his Son." (Eph. iii. 9.) "God sat down (in heaven) at the right hand of Jesus." (Luke xxii. 69.) "There is one Jesus, one mediator between Jesus and men." (Gal. iii. 20.) "Jesus gave his only begotten Father." (1 John iv. 9) "God knows not the hour, but Jesus does." (Mark viii. 32.) "God is the servant of Jesus." (Mark xii. 18.) "God is ordained by Jesus." (Acts xvii. 31.) "The head of God is Christ." (Eph. i. 3.) "We have an advocate with Jesus, God the righteous." (1 John ii. 1.) "Jesus gave all power to God." (Matt, xxviii. 18.) "God abode all night in prayer to Jesus." (Luke vi. 12.) "God came down from heaven to do the will of Jesus." (John vi. 38.) "Jesus has made the Father his high priest." (Heb. x. 24.) "Last of all, the Son sent the Father." (Matt. xxi. 39.) "Jesus will save the world by that God whom he hath ordained." "Jesus is God of the Father." (John xx. 17.) "Jesus hath exalted God, and given him a more excellent name." (Phil. ii. 9.) "Jesus hath made God a little lower than the angels." (Heb. ii. 9.) "God can do nothing except what he seeth Jesus do." (John v. 19.) Now, the question arises, Is the above representation a true one? Most certainly it must be, if Jesus and the Father are but one almighty Being. A change of names and titles cannot alter the truth nor the sense. To say that Chief Justice Chase has gone south; Secretary Chase has gone south; Governor Chase has gone south; Ex-Senator Chase has gone south, or Salmon P. Chase has gone south, are affirmations equally true and equally sensible, because they all have reference to the same being; the case is to plain to need argument. The above reversal of names and titles of Jesus and the Father may sound very unpleasant and rather grating to Christ-adoring Christians, simply because it is the transposition of the tides of two very scripturally dissimilar beings, instead of being, as generally taught by orthodox Christians, "one in essence, one in mind, one in body or being, and one in name," as the Rev. Mr. Barnes affirms. Most self-evidently false is his statement, based solely on scriptural ground. If Jesus is "very God," and there is but one God, then the foregoing transposition cannot mar the sense nor altar the truth of one text quoted. CHAPTER XLI. THE PRECEPTS AND PRACTICAL LIFE OF JESUS CHRIST; HIS TWO HUNDRED ERRORS THE exaltation of men to the character and homage of divine beings has always had the effect to draw a vail over their errors and imperfections, so as to render them imperceptible to those who worship them as Gods. This is true of nearly all the deified men of antiquity, who were adored as incarnate divinities, among which may be included the Christian's man-God, Jesus Christ. The practice of the followers of these Gods has been, when an error was pointed out in their teachings, brought to light by the progress of science and general intelligence, to bestow upon the text some new and unwarranted meaning, entirely incompatible with its literal reading, or else to insist with a godly zeal on the correctness of the sentiment inculcated by the text, and thus essay to make error pass for truth. In this way millions of the disciples of' these Gods have been misled and blinded, and made to believe by their religious teachers and their religious education, that everything taught by their assumed-to-be divine exemplars is perfect truth, in perfect harmony with science, sense, and true morals. Indeed, the perversion of the mind and judgment by a religious education has been in many cases carried to such an extreme as to cause their devout and prejudiced followers either to entirely overlook and ignore their erroneous teachings, or to magnify them into God-given truths, and thus, as before stated, clothe error with the livery of truth. This state of things, it has long been noticed by unprejudiced minds, exists amongst the millions of professed believers in the divinity of Jesus Christ. Hence the errors, both in his moral lessons and his practical life, have passed from age to age unnoticed, because his pious and awe-stricken followers, having been taught that he was a divine teacher, have assumed that his teachings must all be true; and hence, too, have instituted no scrutiny to determine their truth or falsity. But we will now proceed to show that the progress of' science and general intelligence has brought to light many errors, not only in his teachings, but in his practical life also. In enumerating them, we will arrange them under the head MORAL AND RELIGIOUS ERRORS. 1. The first moral precept in the teachings of Christ, which we will bring to notice, is one of a numerous class, which may very properly be arranged under the head of Moral Extremism. We find many of his admonitions of this character. Nearly everything that is said is oversaid, carried to extremes--thus constituting an overwrought, extravagant system of morality, impracticable in its requisitions; as, for example, "Take no thought for the morrow." (Matt, v.) If the spirit of this injunction were carried out in practical life, there would be no grain sown and no seed planted in spring, no reaping done in harvest, and no crop garnered in autumn; and the result would be universal starvation in less than twelve months. But, fortunately for society, the Christian world have laid this positive injunction upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." 2. Christ's assumed-to-be most important requisition is found in the injunction, "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all else shall be added unto you." (Matt. vi. 33.) His early followers understood by this injunction, and doubtless understood it correctly, that they were to spend their lives in religious devotion, and neglect the practical duties of life, leaving "Providence" to take care of their families--a course of life which reduced many of them to the point of starvation. 3. The disciple of Christ is required, "when smitten on one cheek," to turn the other also that is, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turn the other, to be smashed up in like manner. This is an extravagant requisition, which none of his modern disciples even attempt to observe. 4. "Resist not evil" (Matt. v. 34) breathes forth a kindred spirit. This injunction requires you to stand with your hands in your pocket while being maltreated so cruelly and unmercifully that the forfeiture of your life may be the consequence--at least Christ's early followers so understood it. 5. The disciple of Christ is required, when his cloak is formally wrested from him, to give up his coat also. (See Matt, v.) And to carry out the principle, if the marauder demands it, he must next give up his boots, then his shirt, and thus strip himself of all his garments, and go naked. This looks like an invitation and bribe to robbery. 6. "Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth." (Matt. vi. 19.) This is another positive command of Christ, which the modern Christian world, by common consent, have laid on the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement," under the conviction that the wants of their families and the exigencies of sickness and old age cannot be served if they should live up to such an injunction. 7. "Sell all that thou hast,... and come and follow me," is another command which bespeaks more piety than wisdom, as all who have attempted to comply with it have reduced their families to beggary and want. 8. "If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him." Then he must hate it, as there are but the two principles, and "from hate proceed envy, strife, evil surmisings, and persecution." Evidently the remedy in this case for "worldly-mindedness" is worse than the disease. 9. "He that cometh to me, and hateth not father, mother, brother, and sister, &c., cannot be my disciple." (Luke xiv. 26). This breathes forth the same spirit as the last text quoted above. Many learned expositions have been penned by Christian writers to make it appear, that hate in this case does not mean hate. But certainly it would be a slander upon infinite wisdom to leave it to be inferred that he could not say or "inspire" his disciples to say exactly what he meant, and to say it so plainly as to leave no possibility of being misunderstood, or leave any ground for dispute about the meaning. 10. "Rejoice and be exceeding glad" when persecuted. (Matt. v. 4.) Now, as a state of rejoicing is the highest condition of happiness that can be realized, such advice must naturally prompt the religious zealot to court persecution, in order to obtain complete happiness, and consequently to pursue a dare-devil life to provoke persecution. 11. "Whosoever shall seek to save his life, shall lose it," &c. (Luke xvii. 33.) Here is displayed the spirit of martyrdom which has made millions reckless of life, and goaded on the frenzied bigot to seek the fiery fagot and the halter. We regard it as another display of religious fanaticism. 12. "Ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake." (Matt. x. 12.) How repulsive must have been their doctrines or their conduct! No sensible religion could excite the universal hatred of mankind. For it would contain something adapted to the moral, religious, or spiritual taste of some class or portion of society, and hence make it and its disciples loved instead of hated. And then how could they be "hated of all men," when not one man in a thousand ever heard of them? Here is more of the extravagance of religious enthusiasm. 13. "Shake off the dust of your feet" against those who cannot see the truth or utility of your doctrines. (Matt. x. 14.) Here Christ encourages in his disciples a spirit of contempt for the opinions of others calculated to make them "hated." A proper regard for the rules of good-breeding would have forbidden such rudeness toward strangers for a mere honest difference of opinion. 14. "Take nothing for your journey, neither staff, nor scrip, nor purse" (Mark vi. 8); that is "sponge on your friends, and force yourselves on your enemies," the latter class of which seem to have been much the most numerous. A preacher who should attempt to carry out this advice at the present day would be stopped at the first toll-gate, and compelled to return. Here is more violation of the rules of good-breeding, and the common courtesies of civilized life. 15. "Go and teach all nations," &c. Why issue an injunction that could not possibly be carried out? It never has been, and never will be, executed, for three-fourths of the human race have never yet heard of Christianity. It was not, therefore, a mark of wisdom, or a superior mind, to issue such an injunction. 16. "And he that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned." What intolerance, bigotry, relentless cruelty, and ignorance of the science of mind are here displayed! No philosopher would give utterance to, or indorse such a sentiment. It assumes that belief is a creature of the will, and that a man can believe anything he chooses, which is wide of the truth. And the assumption has been followed by persecution, misery, and bloodshed. 17. "All things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Matt. xxi. 22.) Here is an entire negation of natural law in the necessity of physical labor as a means to procure the comforts of life. When anything is wanted in the shape of food or raiment, it is to be obtained, according to this text, by going down on your knees and asking God to bestow it. But no Christian ever realized "all things whatsoever asked for in prayer," thought "believing with all his heart" he should obtain it. The author knows, by his own practical experience, that this declaration is not true. This promise has been falsified thousands of times by thousands of praying Christians. 18. "Be not called rabbi." "Call no man your father." (Matt, xxiii.) The Christian world assume that much of what Christ taught is mere idle nonsense, or the incoherent utterings of a religious fanatic; for they pay no more practical attention to it than the barking of a dog. And here is one command treated in this manner: "Call no man father." Where is the Christian who refuses to call his earthly sire a father? 19. "Call no man master." (Matt, xxiii.) And yet mister, which is the same thing, is the most common title in Christendom. 20. He who enunciates the two words, "'Thou fool.' shall be in danger of hell fire." (Matt, xxii.) Mercy! Who, then, can be saved? For there is probably not a live Christian in the world who has not called somebody a "fool," when he knew him to be such, and could not with truthfulness be called anything else. Here, then, is another command universally ignored and "indefinitely postponed." 21. "Swear not at all, neither by heaven nor earth." (Matt, v.) And yet no Christian refuses to indulge in legal, if not profane, swearing which the text evidently forbids. 22. "Men ought always to pray." (Luke xviii.) No time to be allowed for eating or sleeping. More religious fanaticism. 23. "Whosoever will be chief among you let him be your servant" (Matt. xx. 27); that is, no Christian professor shall be a president, governor, major-general, deacon, or priest. Another command laid on the table. 24. "Love your enemies." (Matt. v. 44.) Then what kind of feeling should we cultivate toward friends? And how much did he love his enemies when he called them "fools," "liars," "hypocrites," "generation of vipers," &c.? And yet he is held up as "our" example in love, meekness, and forbearance. But no man ever did love an enemy. It is a moral impossibility, as much so as to love bitter or nauseating food. The advice of the Roman slave Syrus is indicative of more sense and wisdom--"Treat your enemy kindly, and thus make him a friend." 25. We are required to forgive an enemy four hundred and ninety times; that is, "seventy times seven." (Matt, vii.) Another outburst of religious enthusiasm; another proof of an overheated imagination. 26. "Be ye perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect." (Matt. v. 48.) Here is more of the religious extravagance of a mind uncultured by science. For it is self-evident that human beings can make no approximation to divine perfection. The distance between human imperfection and a perfect God is, and ever must be, infinite. 27. Christ commended those who "became eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake" (Matt. xix. 12)--a custom requiring a murderous, self-butchering process; destructive of the energies of life and the vigor of manhood, and rendering the subject weak, effeminate, and mopish, and unfit for the business of life. It is a low species of piety, and discloses a lamentable lack of a scientific knowledge of the true functions of the sexual organs on the part of Jesus. 28. Christ also encouraged his disciples to "pluck out the eye," and "cut off the hand," as a means of rendering it impossible to perpetrate evil with those members. And we would suggest, if such advice is consistent with sound reasoning, the head also should be cut off, as a means of more effectually carrying out the same principle. Such advice never came from the mouth of a philosopher. It is a part of Christ's system of extravagant piety. 29. He also taught the senseless, oriental tradition of "the unpardonable sin against the Holy Ghost"--a fabulous being who figured more anciently in the history of various countries. (See Chapter XXII.) No philosopher or man of science could harbor such childish misconceptions as are embodied in this tradition, which neither describes the being nor explains the nature of the sin. 30. We find many proofs, in Christ's Gospel history, that he believed in the ancient heathen tradition which taught that disease is caused by demons and evil spirits. (See Luke vii. 21, and viii. 2.) 31. Many cases are reported of his relieving the obsessed by casting out the diabolical intruders, in imitation of the oriental custom long in vogue in various countries, by which he evinced a profound ignorance of the natural causes of disease. 32. Christ also taught the old pagan superstition that "God is a God of anger," while modern science teaches that it would be as impossible for a God of perfect and infinite attributes to experience the feeling of anger as to commit suicide; and recent discoveries in physiology prove that anger is a species of suicide, and that it is also a species of insanity. Hence an angry God would be an insane God--an omnipotent lunatic, "ruling the kingdom of heaven," which would make heaven a lunatic asylum, and rather a dangerous place to live. 33. And Christ's injunction to "fear God" also implies that he is an angry being. (See Luke xxiii. 40.) But y past history proves that "the fear of God" has always been the great lever of priestcraft, and the most paltry and pitiful motive that ever moved the human mind. It has paralyzed the noblest intellects, crushed the elasticity of youth, and augmented the hesitating indecision of old age, and finally filled the world with cowardly, trembling slaves. No philosopher will either love or worship a God he fears. "The fear of the Lord" is a very ancient heathen superstition. 34. The inducement Christ holds out for leading a virtuous life by the promise of "Well done, thou good and faithful servant," bespeaks a childish ignorance of the nature of the human mind and the true science of life. It ranks with the promise of the nurse of sugar-plums to the boy if he would keep his garments unsoiled. (For the remainder of the two hundred errors of Christ, see Vol. II.) There are many other errors found in the precepts and practical life of Jesus Christ (which we are compelled to omit an exposition of here), such as his losing his temper, and abusing the money-changers by overthrowing their counting-table, and expelling them from the temple with a whip of cords when engaged in a lawful' and laudable business; his getting mad at and cursing the fig tree; his dooming Capernaum to hell in a fit of anger; his being deceived by two of his disciples (Peter and Judas), which prompted him to call them devils; his implied approval of David, with his fourteen crimes and penitentiary deeds, and also Abraham, with his falsehoods, polygamy, and incest, and his implied sanction of the Old Testament, with all its errors and numerous crimes; his promise to his twelve apostles to "sit upon the twelve thrones of Israel" in heaven, thus evincing a very limited and childish conception of the enjoyments of the future life; his puerile idea of sin, consisting in a personal affront to a personal God; his omission to say anything about human freedom, the inalienable rights of man, &c. THE SCIENTIFIC ERRORS OF CHRIST. That Jesus Christ was neither a natural or moral philosopher is evident from the following facts:-- 1. He never made any use of the word "philosophy." 2. Never gave utterance to the word "science." 3. Never spoke of a natural law, or assigned a natural cause for anything. The fact that he never made use of these words now so current in all civilized countries, is evidence that he was totally ignorant of these important branches of knowledge, the cultivation of which is now known to be essential to the progress of civilization. And yet it is claimed his religion has been a great lever in the advancement of civilization. But this is a mistake--a solemn mistake, as elsewhere shown. (See Chap. XLV.) 4. Everything to Christ was miracle; everything was produced and controlled by the arbitrary power of an angry or irascible God. He evidently had no idea of a ruling principle in nature or of the existence of natural law, as controlling any event he witnessed. Hence he set no bounds to anything, and recognized no limits to the possible. He believed God to be a supernatural personal being, who possessed unlimited power, and who ruled and controlled everything by his arbitrary will, without any law or any limitation to its exercises. Hence he told his disciples they would have anything they prayed for in faith; that by faith they could roll mountains into the sea, or bring to a halt the rolling billows of the mighty deep. He evidently believed that the forked lightning, the out-bursting earth-shaking thunder, and the roaring, heaving volcano were but pliant tools or obsequious servants to the man of faith. And he displays no less ignorance of the laws of mind than the laws of nature; thus proving him to have been neither a natural, moral, nor mental philosopher. He omitted to teach the great moral lessons learned by human experience, of which he was evidently totally ignorant. 5. He never taught that the practice of virtue contains its own reward. 6. That the question of right and wrong of any action is to be decided by its effect upon the individual, or upon society. 7. That no life can be displeasing to God which is useful to man. 8. And he omitted to teach the most important lesson that can engage the attention of man, viz.: that the great purpose of life is self-development. 9. That no person can attain or approximate to real happiness without bestowing a special attention to the cultivation and exercise of all the mental and physical faculties, so far as to keep them in a healthy condition. None of the important lessons above named are hinted at in his teachings, which, if punctually observed, would do more to advance the happiness of the human race than all the sermons Christ or Chrishna ever preached, or ever taught. 10. And then he taught many doctrines which are plainly contradicted by the established principle of modern science, such as,-- 11. Diseases being produced by demons, devils, or wicked spirits. (See Mark ix. 20.) Christ nowhere assigns a natural cause for disease, or a scientific explanation for its cure. 12. His rebuking a fever discloses a similar lack of scientific knowledge. ( See Luke iv. 39.) 13. His belief in a literal hell and a lake of fire and brimstone (see Matt, xviii. 8) is an ancient heathen superstition science knows nothing about, and has no use for. 14. His belief in a personal devil also (see Matt. xvii. 88), which is another oriental tradition, furnishes more sad proof of an utter want of scientific knowledge, as science has no place for and no use for such a being. 15. Christ taught the unphilosophical doctrine of repentance, as he declared he "came to call sinners to repentance" (Matt. ix. 13)--a mental process, which consists merely in a revival of early impressions, and often leads a person to condemn that which is right, as well as that which is wrong. (For proof, see Chapter XLIII.) 16. The doctrine of "forgiveness," which Christ so often inculcated, is also at variance with the teachings of science, as it can do nothing toward changing the nature of the act forgiven, or toward cancelling its previous effects upon society. Science teaches that every crime has its penalty attached to it, which no act of forgiveness, by God or man, can arrest or set aside. 17. But nothing evinces, perhaps, more clearly Christ's total lack of scientific knowledge than his holding a man responsible for his belief, and condemning for disbelief, as he does in numerous instances (see Mark xvi. 16), for a man could as easily control the circulation of the blood in his veins as control his belief. Science teaches that belief depends upon evidence, and without it, it is impossible to believe, and with it, it is impossible to disbelieve. How foolish and unphilosophical, therefore, to condemn for either belief or disbelief! 18. The numerous cases in which Christ speaks of the heart as being the seat of consciousness, instead of the brain, evinces a remarkable ignorance of the science of mental philosophy. He speaks of an "upright heart," "a pure heart," &'c., when "an upright liver," "a pure liver," would be as sensible, as the latter has as much to do with the character as the former. 19. And the many cases in which he makes it meritorious to have a right "faith," and places it above reason, and assumes it to be a voluntary act, shows his utter ignorance of the nature of the human mind. 20. And Christ evinced a remarkable ignorance of the cause of physical defects, when he told his hearers a certain man was born blind, in order that he might cure him. (Matt. vii. 22.) 21. And Christ's declaration, that those who marry are not worthy of being saved (see Luke xx. 34), shows that he was very ignorant of the nature of the sexual functions of the human system. 22. Nothing could more completely demonstrate a total ignorance of the grand science of astronomy than Christ's prediction of the stars falling to the earth. (See Luke xxi. 25.) 23. And the conflagration of the world, "the gathering of the elect," and the realization of a fancied millennium, which he several times predicted would take place in his time, "before this generation pass away" (Matt, xxiv. 34), proves a like ignorance, both of astronomy and philosophy. 24. And his cursing of the fig tree for not bearing fruit in the winter season (see Matt. xxi. 20), not only proves his ignorance of the laws of nature, but evinces a bad temper. 25. Christ indorses the truth of Noah's flood story (see Luke xvii. 27), which every person at the present day, versed in science and natural law, knows is mere fiction, and never took place. And numerous other errors, evincing the most profound ignorance of science and natural law, might be pointed out in Christ's teachings, if we had space for them. It has always been alleged by orthodox Christendom, that Christ's teaching and moral system are so faultless as to challenge criticism, and so perfect as to defy improvement. But this is a serious mistake. For most of his precepts and moral inculcations which are not directly at war with the principles of science, or do not involve a flagrant violation of the laws of nature, are, nevertheless, characterized by a lawless and extravagant mode of expression peculiar to semi-savage life, and which, as it renders it impossible to reduce them to practice, shows they could not have emanated from a philosopher, or man of science, or a man of evenly-balanced mind. They impose upon the world a system of morality, pushed to such extremes that its own professed admirers do not live it out, or even attempt to do so. They long ago abandoned it as an impracticable duty. We will prove this by enumerating most of its requisitions, and showing that they are daily violated and trampled under foot by all Christendom. Where can the Christian professor be found who, 1. "takes no thought for the morrow" or, 2. who "lays not up treasure on earth," or, at least, tries to do it; or, 3. who "gives up all his property to the poor;" or who, "when his cloak is wrested from him by a robber," gives up his coat also; or who calls no man master or mister (the most common title in Christendom); or who calls no man father (if he has a father); or who calls no man a fool (when he knows he is a fool); or who, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turns the other to be battered up in the same way; or who prays without ceasing; or who rejoices when persecuted; or who forgives an enemy four hundred and ninety times (70 times 7); or who manifests by his practical life that he loves his enemies (the way he loves him is to report him to the grand jury, or hand him over to the sheriff); or who forsakes houses and land, and everything, "for the kingdom of heaven's sake." No Christian professor lives up to these precepts, or any of them, or even tries to do so. To talk, therefore, of finding a practical Christian, while nearly the whole moral code of Christ is thus daily and habitually outraged and trampled under foot by all the churches and every one of the two hundred millions of Christian professors, is bitter irony and supreme solecism. We would go five hundred miles, or pay five hundred dollars, to see a Christian. If a man can be a Christian while openly and habitually violating every precept of Christ, then the word has no meaning. These precepts, the Christian world finding to be impossible to practice, have unanimously laid upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." They are the product of a mind with an ardent temperament, and the religious faculties developed to excess, and unrestrained by

means

How many times the word 'means' appears in the text?

(Luke ii. 49.) "The kingdom of heaven is not mine to give, but the Son's." (Matt. xx. 23.) "I am come in my Son's name, and ye receive me not" (John v. 43.) "God cried, Jesus, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Matt. xiii. 28.) "No man hath seen Jesus at any time." (1 John i. 5-) "Jesus created all things by his Son." (Eph. iii. 9.) "God sat down (in heaven) at the right hand of Jesus." (Luke xxii. 69.) "There is one Jesus, one mediator between Jesus and men." (Gal. iii. 20.) "Jesus gave his only begotten Father." (1 John iv. 9) "God knows not the hour, but Jesus does." (Mark viii. 32.) "God is the servant of Jesus." (Mark xii. 18.) "God is ordained by Jesus." (Acts xvii. 31.) "The head of God is Christ." (Eph. i. 3.) "We have an advocate with Jesus, God the righteous." (1 John ii. 1.) "Jesus gave all power to God." (Matt, xxviii. 18.) "God abode all night in prayer to Jesus." (Luke vi. 12.) "God came down from heaven to do the will of Jesus." (John vi. 38.) "Jesus has made the Father his high priest." (Heb. x. 24.) "Last of all, the Son sent the Father." (Matt. xxi. 39.) "Jesus will save the world by that God whom he hath ordained." "Jesus is God of the Father." (John xx. 17.) "Jesus hath exalted God, and given him a more excellent name." (Phil. ii. 9.) "Jesus hath made God a little lower than the angels." (Heb. ii. 9.) "God can do nothing except what he seeth Jesus do." (John v. 19.) Now, the question arises, Is the above representation a true one? Most certainly it must be, if Jesus and the Father are but one almighty Being. A change of names and titles cannot alter the truth nor the sense. To say that Chief Justice Chase has gone south; Secretary Chase has gone south; Governor Chase has gone south; Ex-Senator Chase has gone south, or Salmon P. Chase has gone south, are affirmations equally true and equally sensible, because they all have reference to the same being; the case is to plain to need argument. The above reversal of names and titles of Jesus and the Father may sound very unpleasant and rather grating to Christ-adoring Christians, simply because it is the transposition of the tides of two very scripturally dissimilar beings, instead of being, as generally taught by orthodox Christians, "one in essence, one in mind, one in body or being, and one in name," as the Rev. Mr. Barnes affirms. Most self-evidently false is his statement, based solely on scriptural ground. If Jesus is "very God," and there is but one God, then the foregoing transposition cannot mar the sense nor altar the truth of one text quoted. CHAPTER XLI. THE PRECEPTS AND PRACTICAL LIFE OF JESUS CHRIST; HIS TWO HUNDRED ERRORS THE exaltation of men to the character and homage of divine beings has always had the effect to draw a vail over their errors and imperfections, so as to render them imperceptible to those who worship them as Gods. This is true of nearly all the deified men of antiquity, who were adored as incarnate divinities, among which may be included the Christian's man-God, Jesus Christ. The practice of the followers of these Gods has been, when an error was pointed out in their teachings, brought to light by the progress of science and general intelligence, to bestow upon the text some new and unwarranted meaning, entirely incompatible with its literal reading, or else to insist with a godly zeal on the correctness of the sentiment inculcated by the text, and thus essay to make error pass for truth. In this way millions of the disciples of' these Gods have been misled and blinded, and made to believe by their religious teachers and their religious education, that everything taught by their assumed-to-be divine exemplars is perfect truth, in perfect harmony with science, sense, and true morals. Indeed, the perversion of the mind and judgment by a religious education has been in many cases carried to such an extreme as to cause their devout and prejudiced followers either to entirely overlook and ignore their erroneous teachings, or to magnify them into God-given truths, and thus, as before stated, clothe error with the livery of truth. This state of things, it has long been noticed by unprejudiced minds, exists amongst the millions of professed believers in the divinity of Jesus Christ. Hence the errors, both in his moral lessons and his practical life, have passed from age to age unnoticed, because his pious and awe-stricken followers, having been taught that he was a divine teacher, have assumed that his teachings must all be true; and hence, too, have instituted no scrutiny to determine their truth or falsity. But we will now proceed to show that the progress of' science and general intelligence has brought to light many errors, not only in his teachings, but in his practical life also. In enumerating them, we will arrange them under the head MORAL AND RELIGIOUS ERRORS. 1. The first moral precept in the teachings of Christ, which we will bring to notice, is one of a numerous class, which may very properly be arranged under the head of Moral Extremism. We find many of his admonitions of this character. Nearly everything that is said is oversaid, carried to extremes--thus constituting an overwrought, extravagant system of morality, impracticable in its requisitions; as, for example, "Take no thought for the morrow." (Matt, v.) If the spirit of this injunction were carried out in practical life, there would be no grain sown and no seed planted in spring, no reaping done in harvest, and no crop garnered in autumn; and the result would be universal starvation in less than twelve months. But, fortunately for society, the Christian world have laid this positive injunction upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." 2. Christ's assumed-to-be most important requisition is found in the injunction, "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all else shall be added unto you." (Matt. vi. 33.) His early followers understood by this injunction, and doubtless understood it correctly, that they were to spend their lives in religious devotion, and neglect the practical duties of life, leaving "Providence" to take care of their families--a course of life which reduced many of them to the point of starvation. 3. The disciple of Christ is required, "when smitten on one cheek," to turn the other also that is, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turn the other, to be smashed up in like manner. This is an extravagant requisition, which none of his modern disciples even attempt to observe. 4. "Resist not evil" (Matt. v. 34) breathes forth a kindred spirit. This injunction requires you to stand with your hands in your pocket while being maltreated so cruelly and unmercifully that the forfeiture of your life may be the consequence--at least Christ's early followers so understood it. 5. The disciple of Christ is required, when his cloak is formally wrested from him, to give up his coat also. (See Matt, v.) And to carry out the principle, if the marauder demands it, he must next give up his boots, then his shirt, and thus strip himself of all his garments, and go naked. This looks like an invitation and bribe to robbery. 6. "Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth." (Matt. vi. 19.) This is another positive command of Christ, which the modern Christian world, by common consent, have laid on the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement," under the conviction that the wants of their families and the exigencies of sickness and old age cannot be served if they should live up to such an injunction. 7. "Sell all that thou hast,... and come and follow me," is another command which bespeaks more piety than wisdom, as all who have attempted to comply with it have reduced their families to beggary and want. 8. "If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him." Then he must hate it, as there are but the two principles, and "from hate proceed envy, strife, evil surmisings, and persecution." Evidently the remedy in this case for "worldly-mindedness" is worse than the disease. 9. "He that cometh to me, and hateth not father, mother, brother, and sister, &c., cannot be my disciple." (Luke xiv. 26). This breathes forth the same spirit as the last text quoted above. Many learned expositions have been penned by Christian writers to make it appear, that hate in this case does not mean hate. But certainly it would be a slander upon infinite wisdom to leave it to be inferred that he could not say or "inspire" his disciples to say exactly what he meant, and to say it so plainly as to leave no possibility of being misunderstood, or leave any ground for dispute about the meaning. 10. "Rejoice and be exceeding glad" when persecuted. (Matt. v. 4.) Now, as a state of rejoicing is the highest condition of happiness that can be realized, such advice must naturally prompt the religious zealot to court persecution, in order to obtain complete happiness, and consequently to pursue a dare-devil life to provoke persecution. 11. "Whosoever shall seek to save his life, shall lose it," &c. (Luke xvii. 33.) Here is displayed the spirit of martyrdom which has made millions reckless of life, and goaded on the frenzied bigot to seek the fiery fagot and the halter. We regard it as another display of religious fanaticism. 12. "Ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake." (Matt. x. 12.) How repulsive must have been their doctrines or their conduct! No sensible religion could excite the universal hatred of mankind. For it would contain something adapted to the moral, religious, or spiritual taste of some class or portion of society, and hence make it and its disciples loved instead of hated. And then how could they be "hated of all men," when not one man in a thousand ever heard of them? Here is more of the extravagance of religious enthusiasm. 13. "Shake off the dust of your feet" against those who cannot see the truth or utility of your doctrines. (Matt. x. 14.) Here Christ encourages in his disciples a spirit of contempt for the opinions of others calculated to make them "hated." A proper regard for the rules of good-breeding would have forbidden such rudeness toward strangers for a mere honest difference of opinion. 14. "Take nothing for your journey, neither staff, nor scrip, nor purse" (Mark vi. 8); that is "sponge on your friends, and force yourselves on your enemies," the latter class of which seem to have been much the most numerous. A preacher who should attempt to carry out this advice at the present day would be stopped at the first toll-gate, and compelled to return. Here is more violation of the rules of good-breeding, and the common courtesies of civilized life. 15. "Go and teach all nations," &c. Why issue an injunction that could not possibly be carried out? It never has been, and never will be, executed, for three-fourths of the human race have never yet heard of Christianity. It was not, therefore, a mark of wisdom, or a superior mind, to issue such an injunction. 16. "And he that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned." What intolerance, bigotry, relentless cruelty, and ignorance of the science of mind are here displayed! No philosopher would give utterance to, or indorse such a sentiment. It assumes that belief is a creature of the will, and that a man can believe anything he chooses, which is wide of the truth. And the assumption has been followed by persecution, misery, and bloodshed. 17. "All things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Matt. xxi. 22.) Here is an entire negation of natural law in the necessity of physical labor as a means to procure the comforts of life. When anything is wanted in the shape of food or raiment, it is to be obtained, according to this text, by going down on your knees and asking God to bestow it. But no Christian ever realized "all things whatsoever asked for in prayer," thought "believing with all his heart" he should obtain it. The author knows, by his own practical experience, that this declaration is not true. This promise has been falsified thousands of times by thousands of praying Christians. 18. "Be not called rabbi." "Call no man your father." (Matt, xxiii.) The Christian world assume that much of what Christ taught is mere idle nonsense, or the incoherent utterings of a religious fanatic; for they pay no more practical attention to it than the barking of a dog. And here is one command treated in this manner: "Call no man father." Where is the Christian who refuses to call his earthly sire a father? 19. "Call no man master." (Matt, xxiii.) And yet mister, which is the same thing, is the most common title in Christendom. 20. He who enunciates the two words, "'Thou fool.' shall be in danger of hell fire." (Matt, xxii.) Mercy! Who, then, can be saved? For there is probably not a live Christian in the world who has not called somebody a "fool," when he knew him to be such, and could not with truthfulness be called anything else. Here, then, is another command universally ignored and "indefinitely postponed." 21. "Swear not at all, neither by heaven nor earth." (Matt, v.) And yet no Christian refuses to indulge in legal, if not profane, swearing which the text evidently forbids. 22. "Men ought always to pray." (Luke xviii.) No time to be allowed for eating or sleeping. More religious fanaticism. 23. "Whosoever will be chief among you let him be your servant" (Matt. xx. 27); that is, no Christian professor shall be a president, governor, major-general, deacon, or priest. Another command laid on the table. 24. "Love your enemies." (Matt. v. 44.) Then what kind of feeling should we cultivate toward friends? And how much did he love his enemies when he called them "fools," "liars," "hypocrites," "generation of vipers," &c.? And yet he is held up as "our" example in love, meekness, and forbearance. But no man ever did love an enemy. It is a moral impossibility, as much so as to love bitter or nauseating food. The advice of the Roman slave Syrus is indicative of more sense and wisdom--"Treat your enemy kindly, and thus make him a friend." 25. We are required to forgive an enemy four hundred and ninety times; that is, "seventy times seven." (Matt, vii.) Another outburst of religious enthusiasm; another proof of an overheated imagination. 26. "Be ye perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect." (Matt. v. 48.) Here is more of the religious extravagance of a mind uncultured by science. For it is self-evident that human beings can make no approximation to divine perfection. The distance between human imperfection and a perfect God is, and ever must be, infinite. 27. Christ commended those who "became eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake" (Matt. xix. 12)--a custom requiring a murderous, self-butchering process; destructive of the energies of life and the vigor of manhood, and rendering the subject weak, effeminate, and mopish, and unfit for the business of life. It is a low species of piety, and discloses a lamentable lack of a scientific knowledge of the true functions of the sexual organs on the part of Jesus. 28. Christ also encouraged his disciples to "pluck out the eye," and "cut off the hand," as a means of rendering it impossible to perpetrate evil with those members. And we would suggest, if such advice is consistent with sound reasoning, the head also should be cut off, as a means of more effectually carrying out the same principle. Such advice never came from the mouth of a philosopher. It is a part of Christ's system of extravagant piety. 29. He also taught the senseless, oriental tradition of "the unpardonable sin against the Holy Ghost"--a fabulous being who figured more anciently in the history of various countries. (See Chapter XXII.) No philosopher or man of science could harbor such childish misconceptions as are embodied in this tradition, which neither describes the being nor explains the nature of the sin. 30. We find many proofs, in Christ's Gospel history, that he believed in the ancient heathen tradition which taught that disease is caused by demons and evil spirits. (See Luke vii. 21, and viii. 2.) 31. Many cases are reported of his relieving the obsessed by casting out the diabolical intruders, in imitation of the oriental custom long in vogue in various countries, by which he evinced a profound ignorance of the natural causes of disease. 32. Christ also taught the old pagan superstition that "God is a God of anger," while modern science teaches that it would be as impossible for a God of perfect and infinite attributes to experience the feeling of anger as to commit suicide; and recent discoveries in physiology prove that anger is a species of suicide, and that it is also a species of insanity. Hence an angry God would be an insane God--an omnipotent lunatic, "ruling the kingdom of heaven," which would make heaven a lunatic asylum, and rather a dangerous place to live. 33. And Christ's injunction to "fear God" also implies that he is an angry being. (See Luke xxiii. 40.) But y past history proves that "the fear of God" has always been the great lever of priestcraft, and the most paltry and pitiful motive that ever moved the human mind. It has paralyzed the noblest intellects, crushed the elasticity of youth, and augmented the hesitating indecision of old age, and finally filled the world with cowardly, trembling slaves. No philosopher will either love or worship a God he fears. "The fear of the Lord" is a very ancient heathen superstition. 34. The inducement Christ holds out for leading a virtuous life by the promise of "Well done, thou good and faithful servant," bespeaks a childish ignorance of the nature of the human mind and the true science of life. It ranks with the promise of the nurse of sugar-plums to the boy if he would keep his garments unsoiled. (For the remainder of the two hundred errors of Christ, see Vol. II.) There are many other errors found in the precepts and practical life of Jesus Christ (which we are compelled to omit an exposition of here), such as his losing his temper, and abusing the money-changers by overthrowing their counting-table, and expelling them from the temple with a whip of cords when engaged in a lawful' and laudable business; his getting mad at and cursing the fig tree; his dooming Capernaum to hell in a fit of anger; his being deceived by two of his disciples (Peter and Judas), which prompted him to call them devils; his implied approval of David, with his fourteen crimes and penitentiary deeds, and also Abraham, with his falsehoods, polygamy, and incest, and his implied sanction of the Old Testament, with all its errors and numerous crimes; his promise to his twelve apostles to "sit upon the twelve thrones of Israel" in heaven, thus evincing a very limited and childish conception of the enjoyments of the future life; his puerile idea of sin, consisting in a personal affront to a personal God; his omission to say anything about human freedom, the inalienable rights of man, &c. THE SCIENTIFIC ERRORS OF CHRIST. That Jesus Christ was neither a natural or moral philosopher is evident from the following facts:-- 1. He never made any use of the word "philosophy." 2. Never gave utterance to the word "science." 3. Never spoke of a natural law, or assigned a natural cause for anything. The fact that he never made use of these words now so current in all civilized countries, is evidence that he was totally ignorant of these important branches of knowledge, the cultivation of which is now known to be essential to the progress of civilization. And yet it is claimed his religion has been a great lever in the advancement of civilization. But this is a mistake--a solemn mistake, as elsewhere shown. (See Chap. XLV.) 4. Everything to Christ was miracle; everything was produced and controlled by the arbitrary power of an angry or irascible God. He evidently had no idea of a ruling principle in nature or of the existence of natural law, as controlling any event he witnessed. Hence he set no bounds to anything, and recognized no limits to the possible. He believed God to be a supernatural personal being, who possessed unlimited power, and who ruled and controlled everything by his arbitrary will, without any law or any limitation to its exercises. Hence he told his disciples they would have anything they prayed for in faith; that by faith they could roll mountains into the sea, or bring to a halt the rolling billows of the mighty deep. He evidently believed that the forked lightning, the out-bursting earth-shaking thunder, and the roaring, heaving volcano were but pliant tools or obsequious servants to the man of faith. And he displays no less ignorance of the laws of mind than the laws of nature; thus proving him to have been neither a natural, moral, nor mental philosopher. He omitted to teach the great moral lessons learned by human experience, of which he was evidently totally ignorant. 5. He never taught that the practice of virtue contains its own reward. 6. That the question of right and wrong of any action is to be decided by its effect upon the individual, or upon society. 7. That no life can be displeasing to God which is useful to man. 8. And he omitted to teach the most important lesson that can engage the attention of man, viz.: that the great purpose of life is self-development. 9. That no person can attain or approximate to real happiness without bestowing a special attention to the cultivation and exercise of all the mental and physical faculties, so far as to keep them in a healthy condition. None of the important lessons above named are hinted at in his teachings, which, if punctually observed, would do more to advance the happiness of the human race than all the sermons Christ or Chrishna ever preached, or ever taught. 10. And then he taught many doctrines which are plainly contradicted by the established principle of modern science, such as,-- 11. Diseases being produced by demons, devils, or wicked spirits. (See Mark ix. 20.) Christ nowhere assigns a natural cause for disease, or a scientific explanation for its cure. 12. His rebuking a fever discloses a similar lack of scientific knowledge. ( See Luke iv. 39.) 13. His belief in a literal hell and a lake of fire and brimstone (see Matt, xviii. 8) is an ancient heathen superstition science knows nothing about, and has no use for. 14. His belief in a personal devil also (see Matt. xvii. 88), which is another oriental tradition, furnishes more sad proof of an utter want of scientific knowledge, as science has no place for and no use for such a being. 15. Christ taught the unphilosophical doctrine of repentance, as he declared he "came to call sinners to repentance" (Matt. ix. 13)--a mental process, which consists merely in a revival of early impressions, and often leads a person to condemn that which is right, as well as that which is wrong. (For proof, see Chapter XLIII.) 16. The doctrine of "forgiveness," which Christ so often inculcated, is also at variance with the teachings of science, as it can do nothing toward changing the nature of the act forgiven, or toward cancelling its previous effects upon society. Science teaches that every crime has its penalty attached to it, which no act of forgiveness, by God or man, can arrest or set aside. 17. But nothing evinces, perhaps, more clearly Christ's total lack of scientific knowledge than his holding a man responsible for his belief, and condemning for disbelief, as he does in numerous instances (see Mark xvi. 16), for a man could as easily control the circulation of the blood in his veins as control his belief. Science teaches that belief depends upon evidence, and without it, it is impossible to believe, and with it, it is impossible to disbelieve. How foolish and unphilosophical, therefore, to condemn for either belief or disbelief! 18. The numerous cases in which Christ speaks of the heart as being the seat of consciousness, instead of the brain, evinces a remarkable ignorance of the science of mental philosophy. He speaks of an "upright heart," "a pure heart," &'c., when "an upright liver," "a pure liver," would be as sensible, as the latter has as much to do with the character as the former. 19. And the many cases in which he makes it meritorious to have a right "faith," and places it above reason, and assumes it to be a voluntary act, shows his utter ignorance of the nature of the human mind. 20. And Christ evinced a remarkable ignorance of the cause of physical defects, when he told his hearers a certain man was born blind, in order that he might cure him. (Matt. vii. 22.) 21. And Christ's declaration, that those who marry are not worthy of being saved (see Luke xx. 34), shows that he was very ignorant of the nature of the sexual functions of the human system. 22. Nothing could more completely demonstrate a total ignorance of the grand science of astronomy than Christ's prediction of the stars falling to the earth. (See Luke xxi. 25.) 23. And the conflagration of the world, "the gathering of the elect," and the realization of a fancied millennium, which he several times predicted would take place in his time, "before this generation pass away" (Matt, xxiv. 34), proves a like ignorance, both of astronomy and philosophy. 24. And his cursing of the fig tree for not bearing fruit in the winter season (see Matt. xxi. 20), not only proves his ignorance of the laws of nature, but evinces a bad temper. 25. Christ indorses the truth of Noah's flood story (see Luke xvii. 27), which every person at the present day, versed in science and natural law, knows is mere fiction, and never took place. And numerous other errors, evincing the most profound ignorance of science and natural law, might be pointed out in Christ's teachings, if we had space for them. It has always been alleged by orthodox Christendom, that Christ's teaching and moral system are so faultless as to challenge criticism, and so perfect as to defy improvement. But this is a serious mistake. For most of his precepts and moral inculcations which are not directly at war with the principles of science, or do not involve a flagrant violation of the laws of nature, are, nevertheless, characterized by a lawless and extravagant mode of expression peculiar to semi-savage life, and which, as it renders it impossible to reduce them to practice, shows they could not have emanated from a philosopher, or man of science, or a man of evenly-balanced mind. They impose upon the world a system of morality, pushed to such extremes that its own professed admirers do not live it out, or even attempt to do so. They long ago abandoned it as an impracticable duty. We will prove this by enumerating most of its requisitions, and showing that they are daily violated and trampled under foot by all Christendom. Where can the Christian professor be found who, 1. "takes no thought for the morrow" or, 2. who "lays not up treasure on earth," or, at least, tries to do it; or, 3. who "gives up all his property to the poor;" or who, "when his cloak is wrested from him by a robber," gives up his coat also; or who calls no man master or mister (the most common title in Christendom); or who calls no man father (if he has a father); or who calls no man a fool (when he knows he is a fool); or who, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turns the other to be battered up in the same way; or who prays without ceasing; or who rejoices when persecuted; or who forgives an enemy four hundred and ninety times (70 times 7); or who manifests by his practical life that he loves his enemies (the way he loves him is to report him to the grand jury, or hand him over to the sheriff); or who forsakes houses and land, and everything, "for the kingdom of heaven's sake." No Christian professor lives up to these precepts, or any of them, or even tries to do so. To talk, therefore, of finding a practical Christian, while nearly the whole moral code of Christ is thus daily and habitually outraged and trampled under foot by all the churches and every one of the two hundred millions of Christian professors, is bitter irony and supreme solecism. We would go five hundred miles, or pay five hundred dollars, to see a Christian. If a man can be a Christian while openly and habitually violating every precept of Christ, then the word has no meaning. These precepts, the Christian world finding to be impossible to practice, have unanimously laid upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." They are the product of a mind with an ardent temperament, and the religious faculties developed to excess, and unrestrained by

g

How many times the word 'g' appears in the text?

(Luke ii. 49.) "The kingdom of heaven is not mine to give, but the Son's." (Matt. xx. 23.) "I am come in my Son's name, and ye receive me not" (John v. 43.) "God cried, Jesus, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Matt. xiii. 28.) "No man hath seen Jesus at any time." (1 John i. 5-) "Jesus created all things by his Son." (Eph. iii. 9.) "God sat down (in heaven) at the right hand of Jesus." (Luke xxii. 69.) "There is one Jesus, one mediator between Jesus and men." (Gal. iii. 20.) "Jesus gave his only begotten Father." (1 John iv. 9) "God knows not the hour, but Jesus does." (Mark viii. 32.) "God is the servant of Jesus." (Mark xii. 18.) "God is ordained by Jesus." (Acts xvii. 31.) "The head of God is Christ." (Eph. i. 3.) "We have an advocate with Jesus, God the righteous." (1 John ii. 1.) "Jesus gave all power to God." (Matt, xxviii. 18.) "God abode all night in prayer to Jesus." (Luke vi. 12.) "God came down from heaven to do the will of Jesus." (John vi. 38.) "Jesus has made the Father his high priest." (Heb. x. 24.) "Last of all, the Son sent the Father." (Matt. xxi. 39.) "Jesus will save the world by that God whom he hath ordained." "Jesus is God of the Father." (John xx. 17.) "Jesus hath exalted God, and given him a more excellent name." (Phil. ii. 9.) "Jesus hath made God a little lower than the angels." (Heb. ii. 9.) "God can do nothing except what he seeth Jesus do." (John v. 19.) Now, the question arises, Is the above representation a true one? Most certainly it must be, if Jesus and the Father are but one almighty Being. A change of names and titles cannot alter the truth nor the sense. To say that Chief Justice Chase has gone south; Secretary Chase has gone south; Governor Chase has gone south; Ex-Senator Chase has gone south, or Salmon P. Chase has gone south, are affirmations equally true and equally sensible, because they all have reference to the same being; the case is to plain to need argument. The above reversal of names and titles of Jesus and the Father may sound very unpleasant and rather grating to Christ-adoring Christians, simply because it is the transposition of the tides of two very scripturally dissimilar beings, instead of being, as generally taught by orthodox Christians, "one in essence, one in mind, one in body or being, and one in name," as the Rev. Mr. Barnes affirms. Most self-evidently false is his statement, based solely on scriptural ground. If Jesus is "very God," and there is but one God, then the foregoing transposition cannot mar the sense nor altar the truth of one text quoted. CHAPTER XLI. THE PRECEPTS AND PRACTICAL LIFE OF JESUS CHRIST; HIS TWO HUNDRED ERRORS THE exaltation of men to the character and homage of divine beings has always had the effect to draw a vail over their errors and imperfections, so as to render them imperceptible to those who worship them as Gods. This is true of nearly all the deified men of antiquity, who were adored as incarnate divinities, among which may be included the Christian's man-God, Jesus Christ. The practice of the followers of these Gods has been, when an error was pointed out in their teachings, brought to light by the progress of science and general intelligence, to bestow upon the text some new and unwarranted meaning, entirely incompatible with its literal reading, or else to insist with a godly zeal on the correctness of the sentiment inculcated by the text, and thus essay to make error pass for truth. In this way millions of the disciples of' these Gods have been misled and blinded, and made to believe by their religious teachers and their religious education, that everything taught by their assumed-to-be divine exemplars is perfect truth, in perfect harmony with science, sense, and true morals. Indeed, the perversion of the mind and judgment by a religious education has been in many cases carried to such an extreme as to cause their devout and prejudiced followers either to entirely overlook and ignore their erroneous teachings, or to magnify them into God-given truths, and thus, as before stated, clothe error with the livery of truth. This state of things, it has long been noticed by unprejudiced minds, exists amongst the millions of professed believers in the divinity of Jesus Christ. Hence the errors, both in his moral lessons and his practical life, have passed from age to age unnoticed, because his pious and awe-stricken followers, having been taught that he was a divine teacher, have assumed that his teachings must all be true; and hence, too, have instituted no scrutiny to determine their truth or falsity. But we will now proceed to show that the progress of' science and general intelligence has brought to light many errors, not only in his teachings, but in his practical life also. In enumerating them, we will arrange them under the head MORAL AND RELIGIOUS ERRORS. 1. The first moral precept in the teachings of Christ, which we will bring to notice, is one of a numerous class, which may very properly be arranged under the head of Moral Extremism. We find many of his admonitions of this character. Nearly everything that is said is oversaid, carried to extremes--thus constituting an overwrought, extravagant system of morality, impracticable in its requisitions; as, for example, "Take no thought for the morrow." (Matt, v.) If the spirit of this injunction were carried out in practical life, there would be no grain sown and no seed planted in spring, no reaping done in harvest, and no crop garnered in autumn; and the result would be universal starvation in less than twelve months. But, fortunately for society, the Christian world have laid this positive injunction upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." 2. Christ's assumed-to-be most important requisition is found in the injunction, "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all else shall be added unto you." (Matt. vi. 33.) His early followers understood by this injunction, and doubtless understood it correctly, that they were to spend their lives in religious devotion, and neglect the practical duties of life, leaving "Providence" to take care of their families--a course of life which reduced many of them to the point of starvation. 3. The disciple of Christ is required, "when smitten on one cheek," to turn the other also that is, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turn the other, to be smashed up in like manner. This is an extravagant requisition, which none of his modern disciples even attempt to observe. 4. "Resist not evil" (Matt. v. 34) breathes forth a kindred spirit. This injunction requires you to stand with your hands in your pocket while being maltreated so cruelly and unmercifully that the forfeiture of your life may be the consequence--at least Christ's early followers so understood it. 5. The disciple of Christ is required, when his cloak is formally wrested from him, to give up his coat also. (See Matt, v.) And to carry out the principle, if the marauder demands it, he must next give up his boots, then his shirt, and thus strip himself of all his garments, and go naked. This looks like an invitation and bribe to robbery. 6. "Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth." (Matt. vi. 19.) This is another positive command of Christ, which the modern Christian world, by common consent, have laid on the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement," under the conviction that the wants of their families and the exigencies of sickness and old age cannot be served if they should live up to such an injunction. 7. "Sell all that thou hast,... and come and follow me," is another command which bespeaks more piety than wisdom, as all who have attempted to comply with it have reduced their families to beggary and want. 8. "If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him." Then he must hate it, as there are but the two principles, and "from hate proceed envy, strife, evil surmisings, and persecution." Evidently the remedy in this case for "worldly-mindedness" is worse than the disease. 9. "He that cometh to me, and hateth not father, mother, brother, and sister, &c., cannot be my disciple." (Luke xiv. 26). This breathes forth the same spirit as the last text quoted above. Many learned expositions have been penned by Christian writers to make it appear, that hate in this case does not mean hate. But certainly it would be a slander upon infinite wisdom to leave it to be inferred that he could not say or "inspire" his disciples to say exactly what he meant, and to say it so plainly as to leave no possibility of being misunderstood, or leave any ground for dispute about the meaning. 10. "Rejoice and be exceeding glad" when persecuted. (Matt. v. 4.) Now, as a state of rejoicing is the highest condition of happiness that can be realized, such advice must naturally prompt the religious zealot to court persecution, in order to obtain complete happiness, and consequently to pursue a dare-devil life to provoke persecution. 11. "Whosoever shall seek to save his life, shall lose it," &c. (Luke xvii. 33.) Here is displayed the spirit of martyrdom which has made millions reckless of life, and goaded on the frenzied bigot to seek the fiery fagot and the halter. We regard it as another display of religious fanaticism. 12. "Ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake." (Matt. x. 12.) How repulsive must have been their doctrines or their conduct! No sensible religion could excite the universal hatred of mankind. For it would contain something adapted to the moral, religious, or spiritual taste of some class or portion of society, and hence make it and its disciples loved instead of hated. And then how could they be "hated of all men," when not one man in a thousand ever heard of them? Here is more of the extravagance of religious enthusiasm. 13. "Shake off the dust of your feet" against those who cannot see the truth or utility of your doctrines. (Matt. x. 14.) Here Christ encourages in his disciples a spirit of contempt for the opinions of others calculated to make them "hated." A proper regard for the rules of good-breeding would have forbidden such rudeness toward strangers for a mere honest difference of opinion. 14. "Take nothing for your journey, neither staff, nor scrip, nor purse" (Mark vi. 8); that is "sponge on your friends, and force yourselves on your enemies," the latter class of which seem to have been much the most numerous. A preacher who should attempt to carry out this advice at the present day would be stopped at the first toll-gate, and compelled to return. Here is more violation of the rules of good-breeding, and the common courtesies of civilized life. 15. "Go and teach all nations," &c. Why issue an injunction that could not possibly be carried out? It never has been, and never will be, executed, for three-fourths of the human race have never yet heard of Christianity. It was not, therefore, a mark of wisdom, or a superior mind, to issue such an injunction. 16. "And he that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned." What intolerance, bigotry, relentless cruelty, and ignorance of the science of mind are here displayed! No philosopher would give utterance to, or indorse such a sentiment. It assumes that belief is a creature of the will, and that a man can believe anything he chooses, which is wide of the truth. And the assumption has been followed by persecution, misery, and bloodshed. 17. "All things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Matt. xxi. 22.) Here is an entire negation of natural law in the necessity of physical labor as a means to procure the comforts of life. When anything is wanted in the shape of food or raiment, it is to be obtained, according to this text, by going down on your knees and asking God to bestow it. But no Christian ever realized "all things whatsoever asked for in prayer," thought "believing with all his heart" he should obtain it. The author knows, by his own practical experience, that this declaration is not true. This promise has been falsified thousands of times by thousands of praying Christians. 18. "Be not called rabbi." "Call no man your father." (Matt, xxiii.) The Christian world assume that much of what Christ taught is mere idle nonsense, or the incoherent utterings of a religious fanatic; for they pay no more practical attention to it than the barking of a dog. And here is one command treated in this manner: "Call no man father." Where is the Christian who refuses to call his earthly sire a father? 19. "Call no man master." (Matt, xxiii.) And yet mister, which is the same thing, is the most common title in Christendom. 20. He who enunciates the two words, "'Thou fool.' shall be in danger of hell fire." (Matt, xxii.) Mercy! Who, then, can be saved? For there is probably not a live Christian in the world who has not called somebody a "fool," when he knew him to be such, and could not with truthfulness be called anything else. Here, then, is another command universally ignored and "indefinitely postponed." 21. "Swear not at all, neither by heaven nor earth." (Matt, v.) And yet no Christian refuses to indulge in legal, if not profane, swearing which the text evidently forbids. 22. "Men ought always to pray." (Luke xviii.) No time to be allowed for eating or sleeping. More religious fanaticism. 23. "Whosoever will be chief among you let him be your servant" (Matt. xx. 27); that is, no Christian professor shall be a president, governor, major-general, deacon, or priest. Another command laid on the table. 24. "Love your enemies." (Matt. v. 44.) Then what kind of feeling should we cultivate toward friends? And how much did he love his enemies when he called them "fools," "liars," "hypocrites," "generation of vipers," &c.? And yet he is held up as "our" example in love, meekness, and forbearance. But no man ever did love an enemy. It is a moral impossibility, as much so as to love bitter or nauseating food. The advice of the Roman slave Syrus is indicative of more sense and wisdom--"Treat your enemy kindly, and thus make him a friend." 25. We are required to forgive an enemy four hundred and ninety times; that is, "seventy times seven." (Matt, vii.) Another outburst of religious enthusiasm; another proof of an overheated imagination. 26. "Be ye perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect." (Matt. v. 48.) Here is more of the religious extravagance of a mind uncultured by science. For it is self-evident that human beings can make no approximation to divine perfection. The distance between human imperfection and a perfect God is, and ever must be, infinite. 27. Christ commended those who "became eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake" (Matt. xix. 12)--a custom requiring a murderous, self-butchering process; destructive of the energies of life and the vigor of manhood, and rendering the subject weak, effeminate, and mopish, and unfit for the business of life. It is a low species of piety, and discloses a lamentable lack of a scientific knowledge of the true functions of the sexual organs on the part of Jesus. 28. Christ also encouraged his disciples to "pluck out the eye," and "cut off the hand," as a means of rendering it impossible to perpetrate evil with those members. And we would suggest, if such advice is consistent with sound reasoning, the head also should be cut off, as a means of more effectually carrying out the same principle. Such advice never came from the mouth of a philosopher. It is a part of Christ's system of extravagant piety. 29. He also taught the senseless, oriental tradition of "the unpardonable sin against the Holy Ghost"--a fabulous being who figured more anciently in the history of various countries. (See Chapter XXII.) No philosopher or man of science could harbor such childish misconceptions as are embodied in this tradition, which neither describes the being nor explains the nature of the sin. 30. We find many proofs, in Christ's Gospel history, that he believed in the ancient heathen tradition which taught that disease is caused by demons and evil spirits. (See Luke vii. 21, and viii. 2.) 31. Many cases are reported of his relieving the obsessed by casting out the diabolical intruders, in imitation of the oriental custom long in vogue in various countries, by which he evinced a profound ignorance of the natural causes of disease. 32. Christ also taught the old pagan superstition that "God is a God of anger," while modern science teaches that it would be as impossible for a God of perfect and infinite attributes to experience the feeling of anger as to commit suicide; and recent discoveries in physiology prove that anger is a species of suicide, and that it is also a species of insanity. Hence an angry God would be an insane God--an omnipotent lunatic, "ruling the kingdom of heaven," which would make heaven a lunatic asylum, and rather a dangerous place to live. 33. And Christ's injunction to "fear God" also implies that he is an angry being. (See Luke xxiii. 40.) But y past history proves that "the fear of God" has always been the great lever of priestcraft, and the most paltry and pitiful motive that ever moved the human mind. It has paralyzed the noblest intellects, crushed the elasticity of youth, and augmented the hesitating indecision of old age, and finally filled the world with cowardly, trembling slaves. No philosopher will either love or worship a God he fears. "The fear of the Lord" is a very ancient heathen superstition. 34. The inducement Christ holds out for leading a virtuous life by the promise of "Well done, thou good and faithful servant," bespeaks a childish ignorance of the nature of the human mind and the true science of life. It ranks with the promise of the nurse of sugar-plums to the boy if he would keep his garments unsoiled. (For the remainder of the two hundred errors of Christ, see Vol. II.) There are many other errors found in the precepts and practical life of Jesus Christ (which we are compelled to omit an exposition of here), such as his losing his temper, and abusing the money-changers by overthrowing their counting-table, and expelling them from the temple with a whip of cords when engaged in a lawful' and laudable business; his getting mad at and cursing the fig tree; his dooming Capernaum to hell in a fit of anger; his being deceived by two of his disciples (Peter and Judas), which prompted him to call them devils; his implied approval of David, with his fourteen crimes and penitentiary deeds, and also Abraham, with his falsehoods, polygamy, and incest, and his implied sanction of the Old Testament, with all its errors and numerous crimes; his promise to his twelve apostles to "sit upon the twelve thrones of Israel" in heaven, thus evincing a very limited and childish conception of the enjoyments of the future life; his puerile idea of sin, consisting in a personal affront to a personal God; his omission to say anything about human freedom, the inalienable rights of man, &c. THE SCIENTIFIC ERRORS OF CHRIST. That Jesus Christ was neither a natural or moral philosopher is evident from the following facts:-- 1. He never made any use of the word "philosophy." 2. Never gave utterance to the word "science." 3. Never spoke of a natural law, or assigned a natural cause for anything. The fact that he never made use of these words now so current in all civilized countries, is evidence that he was totally ignorant of these important branches of knowledge, the cultivation of which is now known to be essential to the progress of civilization. And yet it is claimed his religion has been a great lever in the advancement of civilization. But this is a mistake--a solemn mistake, as elsewhere shown. (See Chap. XLV.) 4. Everything to Christ was miracle; everything was produced and controlled by the arbitrary power of an angry or irascible God. He evidently had no idea of a ruling principle in nature or of the existence of natural law, as controlling any event he witnessed. Hence he set no bounds to anything, and recognized no limits to the possible. He believed God to be a supernatural personal being, who possessed unlimited power, and who ruled and controlled everything by his arbitrary will, without any law or any limitation to its exercises. Hence he told his disciples they would have anything they prayed for in faith; that by faith they could roll mountains into the sea, or bring to a halt the rolling billows of the mighty deep. He evidently believed that the forked lightning, the out-bursting earth-shaking thunder, and the roaring, heaving volcano were but pliant tools or obsequious servants to the man of faith. And he displays no less ignorance of the laws of mind than the laws of nature; thus proving him to have been neither a natural, moral, nor mental philosopher. He omitted to teach the great moral lessons learned by human experience, of which he was evidently totally ignorant. 5. He never taught that the practice of virtue contains its own reward. 6. That the question of right and wrong of any action is to be decided by its effect upon the individual, or upon society. 7. That no life can be displeasing to God which is useful to man. 8. And he omitted to teach the most important lesson that can engage the attention of man, viz.: that the great purpose of life is self-development. 9. That no person can attain or approximate to real happiness without bestowing a special attention to the cultivation and exercise of all the mental and physical faculties, so far as to keep them in a healthy condition. None of the important lessons above named are hinted at in his teachings, which, if punctually observed, would do more to advance the happiness of the human race than all the sermons Christ or Chrishna ever preached, or ever taught. 10. And then he taught many doctrines which are plainly contradicted by the established principle of modern science, such as,-- 11. Diseases being produced by demons, devils, or wicked spirits. (See Mark ix. 20.) Christ nowhere assigns a natural cause for disease, or a scientific explanation for its cure. 12. His rebuking a fever discloses a similar lack of scientific knowledge. ( See Luke iv. 39.) 13. His belief in a literal hell and a lake of fire and brimstone (see Matt, xviii. 8) is an ancient heathen superstition science knows nothing about, and has no use for. 14. His belief in a personal devil also (see Matt. xvii. 88), which is another oriental tradition, furnishes more sad proof of an utter want of scientific knowledge, as science has no place for and no use for such a being. 15. Christ taught the unphilosophical doctrine of repentance, as he declared he "came to call sinners to repentance" (Matt. ix. 13)--a mental process, which consists merely in a revival of early impressions, and often leads a person to condemn that which is right, as well as that which is wrong. (For proof, see Chapter XLIII.) 16. The doctrine of "forgiveness," which Christ so often inculcated, is also at variance with the teachings of science, as it can do nothing toward changing the nature of the act forgiven, or toward cancelling its previous effects upon society. Science teaches that every crime has its penalty attached to it, which no act of forgiveness, by God or man, can arrest or set aside. 17. But nothing evinces, perhaps, more clearly Christ's total lack of scientific knowledge than his holding a man responsible for his belief, and condemning for disbelief, as he does in numerous instances (see Mark xvi. 16), for a man could as easily control the circulation of the blood in his veins as control his belief. Science teaches that belief depends upon evidence, and without it, it is impossible to believe, and with it, it is impossible to disbelieve. How foolish and unphilosophical, therefore, to condemn for either belief or disbelief! 18. The numerous cases in which Christ speaks of the heart as being the seat of consciousness, instead of the brain, evinces a remarkable ignorance of the science of mental philosophy. He speaks of an "upright heart," "a pure heart," &'c., when "an upright liver," "a pure liver," would be as sensible, as the latter has as much to do with the character as the former. 19. And the many cases in which he makes it meritorious to have a right "faith," and places it above reason, and assumes it to be a voluntary act, shows his utter ignorance of the nature of the human mind. 20. And Christ evinced a remarkable ignorance of the cause of physical defects, when he told his hearers a certain man was born blind, in order that he might cure him. (Matt. vii. 22.) 21. And Christ's declaration, that those who marry are not worthy of being saved (see Luke xx. 34), shows that he was very ignorant of the nature of the sexual functions of the human system. 22. Nothing could more completely demonstrate a total ignorance of the grand science of astronomy than Christ's prediction of the stars falling to the earth. (See Luke xxi. 25.) 23. And the conflagration of the world, "the gathering of the elect," and the realization of a fancied millennium, which he several times predicted would take place in his time, "before this generation pass away" (Matt, xxiv. 34), proves a like ignorance, both of astronomy and philosophy. 24. And his cursing of the fig tree for not bearing fruit in the winter season (see Matt. xxi. 20), not only proves his ignorance of the laws of nature, but evinces a bad temper. 25. Christ indorses the truth of Noah's flood story (see Luke xvii. 27), which every person at the present day, versed in science and natural law, knows is mere fiction, and never took place. And numerous other errors, evincing the most profound ignorance of science and natural law, might be pointed out in Christ's teachings, if we had space for them. It has always been alleged by orthodox Christendom, that Christ's teaching and moral system are so faultless as to challenge criticism, and so perfect as to defy improvement. But this is a serious mistake. For most of his precepts and moral inculcations which are not directly at war with the principles of science, or do not involve a flagrant violation of the laws of nature, are, nevertheless, characterized by a lawless and extravagant mode of expression peculiar to semi-savage life, and which, as it renders it impossible to reduce them to practice, shows they could not have emanated from a philosopher, or man of science, or a man of evenly-balanced mind. They impose upon the world a system of morality, pushed to such extremes that its own professed admirers do not live it out, or even attempt to do so. They long ago abandoned it as an impracticable duty. We will prove this by enumerating most of its requisitions, and showing that they are daily violated and trampled under foot by all Christendom. Where can the Christian professor be found who, 1. "takes no thought for the morrow" or, 2. who "lays not up treasure on earth," or, at least, tries to do it; or, 3. who "gives up all his property to the poor;" or who, "when his cloak is wrested from him by a robber," gives up his coat also; or who calls no man master or mister (the most common title in Christendom); or who calls no man father (if he has a father); or who calls no man a fool (when he knows he is a fool); or who, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turns the other to be battered up in the same way; or who prays without ceasing; or who rejoices when persecuted; or who forgives an enemy four hundred and ninety times (70 times 7); or who manifests by his practical life that he loves his enemies (the way he loves him is to report him to the grand jury, or hand him over to the sheriff); or who forsakes houses and land, and everything, "for the kingdom of heaven's sake." No Christian professor lives up to these precepts, or any of them, or even tries to do so. To talk, therefore, of finding a practical Christian, while nearly the whole moral code of Christ is thus daily and habitually outraged and trampled under foot by all the churches and every one of the two hundred millions of Christian professors, is bitter irony and supreme solecism. We would go five hundred miles, or pay five hundred dollars, to see a Christian. If a man can be a Christian while openly and habitually violating every precept of Christ, then the word has no meaning. These precepts, the Christian world finding to be impossible to practice, have unanimously laid upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." They are the product of a mind with an ardent temperament, and the religious faculties developed to excess, and unrestrained by

entourage

How many times the word 'entourage' appears in the text?

(Luke ii. 49.) "The kingdom of heaven is not mine to give, but the Son's." (Matt. xx. 23.) "I am come in my Son's name, and ye receive me not" (John v. 43.) "God cried, Jesus, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Matt. xiii. 28.) "No man hath seen Jesus at any time." (1 John i. 5-) "Jesus created all things by his Son." (Eph. iii. 9.) "God sat down (in heaven) at the right hand of Jesus." (Luke xxii. 69.) "There is one Jesus, one mediator between Jesus and men." (Gal. iii. 20.) "Jesus gave his only begotten Father." (1 John iv. 9) "God knows not the hour, but Jesus does." (Mark viii. 32.) "God is the servant of Jesus." (Mark xii. 18.) "God is ordained by Jesus." (Acts xvii. 31.) "The head of God is Christ." (Eph. i. 3.) "We have an advocate with Jesus, God the righteous." (1 John ii. 1.) "Jesus gave all power to God." (Matt, xxviii. 18.) "God abode all night in prayer to Jesus." (Luke vi. 12.) "God came down from heaven to do the will of Jesus." (John vi. 38.) "Jesus has made the Father his high priest." (Heb. x. 24.) "Last of all, the Son sent the Father." (Matt. xxi. 39.) "Jesus will save the world by that God whom he hath ordained." "Jesus is God of the Father." (John xx. 17.) "Jesus hath exalted God, and given him a more excellent name." (Phil. ii. 9.) "Jesus hath made God a little lower than the angels." (Heb. ii. 9.) "God can do nothing except what he seeth Jesus do." (John v. 19.) Now, the question arises, Is the above representation a true one? Most certainly it must be, if Jesus and the Father are but one almighty Being. A change of names and titles cannot alter the truth nor the sense. To say that Chief Justice Chase has gone south; Secretary Chase has gone south; Governor Chase has gone south; Ex-Senator Chase has gone south, or Salmon P. Chase has gone south, are affirmations equally true and equally sensible, because they all have reference to the same being; the case is to plain to need argument. The above reversal of names and titles of Jesus and the Father may sound very unpleasant and rather grating to Christ-adoring Christians, simply because it is the transposition of the tides of two very scripturally dissimilar beings, instead of being, as generally taught by orthodox Christians, "one in essence, one in mind, one in body or being, and one in name," as the Rev. Mr. Barnes affirms. Most self-evidently false is his statement, based solely on scriptural ground. If Jesus is "very God," and there is but one God, then the foregoing transposition cannot mar the sense nor altar the truth of one text quoted. CHAPTER XLI. THE PRECEPTS AND PRACTICAL LIFE OF JESUS CHRIST; HIS TWO HUNDRED ERRORS THE exaltation of men to the character and homage of divine beings has always had the effect to draw a vail over their errors and imperfections, so as to render them imperceptible to those who worship them as Gods. This is true of nearly all the deified men of antiquity, who were adored as incarnate divinities, among which may be included the Christian's man-God, Jesus Christ. The practice of the followers of these Gods has been, when an error was pointed out in their teachings, brought to light by the progress of science and general intelligence, to bestow upon the text some new and unwarranted meaning, entirely incompatible with its literal reading, or else to insist with a godly zeal on the correctness of the sentiment inculcated by the text, and thus essay to make error pass for truth. In this way millions of the disciples of' these Gods have been misled and blinded, and made to believe by their religious teachers and their religious education, that everything taught by their assumed-to-be divine exemplars is perfect truth, in perfect harmony with science, sense, and true morals. Indeed, the perversion of the mind and judgment by a religious education has been in many cases carried to such an extreme as to cause their devout and prejudiced followers either to entirely overlook and ignore their erroneous teachings, or to magnify them into God-given truths, and thus, as before stated, clothe error with the livery of truth. This state of things, it has long been noticed by unprejudiced minds, exists amongst the millions of professed believers in the divinity of Jesus Christ. Hence the errors, both in his moral lessons and his practical life, have passed from age to age unnoticed, because his pious and awe-stricken followers, having been taught that he was a divine teacher, have assumed that his teachings must all be true; and hence, too, have instituted no scrutiny to determine their truth or falsity. But we will now proceed to show that the progress of' science and general intelligence has brought to light many errors, not only in his teachings, but in his practical life also. In enumerating them, we will arrange them under the head MORAL AND RELIGIOUS ERRORS. 1. The first moral precept in the teachings of Christ, which we will bring to notice, is one of a numerous class, which may very properly be arranged under the head of Moral Extremism. We find many of his admonitions of this character. Nearly everything that is said is oversaid, carried to extremes--thus constituting an overwrought, extravagant system of morality, impracticable in its requisitions; as, for example, "Take no thought for the morrow." (Matt, v.) If the spirit of this injunction were carried out in practical life, there would be no grain sown and no seed planted in spring, no reaping done in harvest, and no crop garnered in autumn; and the result would be universal starvation in less than twelve months. But, fortunately for society, the Christian world have laid this positive injunction upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." 2. Christ's assumed-to-be most important requisition is found in the injunction, "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all else shall be added unto you." (Matt. vi. 33.) His early followers understood by this injunction, and doubtless understood it correctly, that they were to spend their lives in religious devotion, and neglect the practical duties of life, leaving "Providence" to take care of their families--a course of life which reduced many of them to the point of starvation. 3. The disciple of Christ is required, "when smitten on one cheek," to turn the other also that is, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turn the other, to be smashed up in like manner. This is an extravagant requisition, which none of his modern disciples even attempt to observe. 4. "Resist not evil" (Matt. v. 34) breathes forth a kindred spirit. This injunction requires you to stand with your hands in your pocket while being maltreated so cruelly and unmercifully that the forfeiture of your life may be the consequence--at least Christ's early followers so understood it. 5. The disciple of Christ is required, when his cloak is formally wrested from him, to give up his coat also. (See Matt, v.) And to carry out the principle, if the marauder demands it, he must next give up his boots, then his shirt, and thus strip himself of all his garments, and go naked. This looks like an invitation and bribe to robbery. 6. "Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth." (Matt. vi. 19.) This is another positive command of Christ, which the modern Christian world, by common consent, have laid on the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement," under the conviction that the wants of their families and the exigencies of sickness and old age cannot be served if they should live up to such an injunction. 7. "Sell all that thou hast,... and come and follow me," is another command which bespeaks more piety than wisdom, as all who have attempted to comply with it have reduced their families to beggary and want. 8. "If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him." Then he must hate it, as there are but the two principles, and "from hate proceed envy, strife, evil surmisings, and persecution." Evidently the remedy in this case for "worldly-mindedness" is worse than the disease. 9. "He that cometh to me, and hateth not father, mother, brother, and sister, &c., cannot be my disciple." (Luke xiv. 26). This breathes forth the same spirit as the last text quoted above. Many learned expositions have been penned by Christian writers to make it appear, that hate in this case does not mean hate. But certainly it would be a slander upon infinite wisdom to leave it to be inferred that he could not say or "inspire" his disciples to say exactly what he meant, and to say it so plainly as to leave no possibility of being misunderstood, or leave any ground for dispute about the meaning. 10. "Rejoice and be exceeding glad" when persecuted. (Matt. v. 4.) Now, as a state of rejoicing is the highest condition of happiness that can be realized, such advice must naturally prompt the religious zealot to court persecution, in order to obtain complete happiness, and consequently to pursue a dare-devil life to provoke persecution. 11. "Whosoever shall seek to save his life, shall lose it," &c. (Luke xvii. 33.) Here is displayed the spirit of martyrdom which has made millions reckless of life, and goaded on the frenzied bigot to seek the fiery fagot and the halter. We regard it as another display of religious fanaticism. 12. "Ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake." (Matt. x. 12.) How repulsive must have been their doctrines or their conduct! No sensible religion could excite the universal hatred of mankind. For it would contain something adapted to the moral, religious, or spiritual taste of some class or portion of society, and hence make it and its disciples loved instead of hated. And then how could they be "hated of all men," when not one man in a thousand ever heard of them? Here is more of the extravagance of religious enthusiasm. 13. "Shake off the dust of your feet" against those who cannot see the truth or utility of your doctrines. (Matt. x. 14.) Here Christ encourages in his disciples a spirit of contempt for the opinions of others calculated to make them "hated." A proper regard for the rules of good-breeding would have forbidden such rudeness toward strangers for a mere honest difference of opinion. 14. "Take nothing for your journey, neither staff, nor scrip, nor purse" (Mark vi. 8); that is "sponge on your friends, and force yourselves on your enemies," the latter class of which seem to have been much the most numerous. A preacher who should attempt to carry out this advice at the present day would be stopped at the first toll-gate, and compelled to return. Here is more violation of the rules of good-breeding, and the common courtesies of civilized life. 15. "Go and teach all nations," &c. Why issue an injunction that could not possibly be carried out? It never has been, and never will be, executed, for three-fourths of the human race have never yet heard of Christianity. It was not, therefore, a mark of wisdom, or a superior mind, to issue such an injunction. 16. "And he that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned." What intolerance, bigotry, relentless cruelty, and ignorance of the science of mind are here displayed! No philosopher would give utterance to, or indorse such a sentiment. It assumes that belief is a creature of the will, and that a man can believe anything he chooses, which is wide of the truth. And the assumption has been followed by persecution, misery, and bloodshed. 17. "All things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Matt. xxi. 22.) Here is an entire negation of natural law in the necessity of physical labor as a means to procure the comforts of life. When anything is wanted in the shape of food or raiment, it is to be obtained, according to this text, by going down on your knees and asking God to bestow it. But no Christian ever realized "all things whatsoever asked for in prayer," thought "believing with all his heart" he should obtain it. The author knows, by his own practical experience, that this declaration is not true. This promise has been falsified thousands of times by thousands of praying Christians. 18. "Be not called rabbi." "Call no man your father." (Matt, xxiii.) The Christian world assume that much of what Christ taught is mere idle nonsense, or the incoherent utterings of a religious fanatic; for they pay no more practical attention to it than the barking of a dog. And here is one command treated in this manner: "Call no man father." Where is the Christian who refuses to call his earthly sire a father? 19. "Call no man master." (Matt, xxiii.) And yet mister, which is the same thing, is the most common title in Christendom. 20. He who enunciates the two words, "'Thou fool.' shall be in danger of hell fire." (Matt, xxii.) Mercy! Who, then, can be saved? For there is probably not a live Christian in the world who has not called somebody a "fool," when he knew him to be such, and could not with truthfulness be called anything else. Here, then, is another command universally ignored and "indefinitely postponed." 21. "Swear not at all, neither by heaven nor earth." (Matt, v.) And yet no Christian refuses to indulge in legal, if not profane, swearing which the text evidently forbids. 22. "Men ought always to pray." (Luke xviii.) No time to be allowed for eating or sleeping. More religious fanaticism. 23. "Whosoever will be chief among you let him be your servant" (Matt. xx. 27); that is, no Christian professor shall be a president, governor, major-general, deacon, or priest. Another command laid on the table. 24. "Love your enemies." (Matt. v. 44.) Then what kind of feeling should we cultivate toward friends? And how much did he love his enemies when he called them "fools," "liars," "hypocrites," "generation of vipers," &c.? And yet he is held up as "our" example in love, meekness, and forbearance. But no man ever did love an enemy. It is a moral impossibility, as much so as to love bitter or nauseating food. The advice of the Roman slave Syrus is indicative of more sense and wisdom--"Treat your enemy kindly, and thus make him a friend." 25. We are required to forgive an enemy four hundred and ninety times; that is, "seventy times seven." (Matt, vii.) Another outburst of religious enthusiasm; another proof of an overheated imagination. 26. "Be ye perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect." (Matt. v. 48.) Here is more of the religious extravagance of a mind uncultured by science. For it is self-evident that human beings can make no approximation to divine perfection. The distance between human imperfection and a perfect God is, and ever must be, infinite. 27. Christ commended those who "became eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake" (Matt. xix. 12)--a custom requiring a murderous, self-butchering process; destructive of the energies of life and the vigor of manhood, and rendering the subject weak, effeminate, and mopish, and unfit for the business of life. It is a low species of piety, and discloses a lamentable lack of a scientific knowledge of the true functions of the sexual organs on the part of Jesus. 28. Christ also encouraged his disciples to "pluck out the eye," and "cut off the hand," as a means of rendering it impossible to perpetrate evil with those members. And we would suggest, if such advice is consistent with sound reasoning, the head also should be cut off, as a means of more effectually carrying out the same principle. Such advice never came from the mouth of a philosopher. It is a part of Christ's system of extravagant piety. 29. He also taught the senseless, oriental tradition of "the unpardonable sin against the Holy Ghost"--a fabulous being who figured more anciently in the history of various countries. (See Chapter XXII.) No philosopher or man of science could harbor such childish misconceptions as are embodied in this tradition, which neither describes the being nor explains the nature of the sin. 30. We find many proofs, in Christ's Gospel history, that he believed in the ancient heathen tradition which taught that disease is caused by demons and evil spirits. (See Luke vii. 21, and viii. 2.) 31. Many cases are reported of his relieving the obsessed by casting out the diabolical intruders, in imitation of the oriental custom long in vogue in various countries, by which he evinced a profound ignorance of the natural causes of disease. 32. Christ also taught the old pagan superstition that "God is a God of anger," while modern science teaches that it would be as impossible for a God of perfect and infinite attributes to experience the feeling of anger as to commit suicide; and recent discoveries in physiology prove that anger is a species of suicide, and that it is also a species of insanity. Hence an angry God would be an insane God--an omnipotent lunatic, "ruling the kingdom of heaven," which would make heaven a lunatic asylum, and rather a dangerous place to live. 33. And Christ's injunction to "fear God" also implies that he is an angry being. (See Luke xxiii. 40.) But y past history proves that "the fear of God" has always been the great lever of priestcraft, and the most paltry and pitiful motive that ever moved the human mind. It has paralyzed the noblest intellects, crushed the elasticity of youth, and augmented the hesitating indecision of old age, and finally filled the world with cowardly, trembling slaves. No philosopher will either love or worship a God he fears. "The fear of the Lord" is a very ancient heathen superstition. 34. The inducement Christ holds out for leading a virtuous life by the promise of "Well done, thou good and faithful servant," bespeaks a childish ignorance of the nature of the human mind and the true science of life. It ranks with the promise of the nurse of sugar-plums to the boy if he would keep his garments unsoiled. (For the remainder of the two hundred errors of Christ, see Vol. II.) There are many other errors found in the precepts and practical life of Jesus Christ (which we are compelled to omit an exposition of here), such as his losing his temper, and abusing the money-changers by overthrowing their counting-table, and expelling them from the temple with a whip of cords when engaged in a lawful' and laudable business; his getting mad at and cursing the fig tree; his dooming Capernaum to hell in a fit of anger; his being deceived by two of his disciples (Peter and Judas), which prompted him to call them devils; his implied approval of David, with his fourteen crimes and penitentiary deeds, and also Abraham, with his falsehoods, polygamy, and incest, and his implied sanction of the Old Testament, with all its errors and numerous crimes; his promise to his twelve apostles to "sit upon the twelve thrones of Israel" in heaven, thus evincing a very limited and childish conception of the enjoyments of the future life; his puerile idea of sin, consisting in a personal affront to a personal God; his omission to say anything about human freedom, the inalienable rights of man, &c. THE SCIENTIFIC ERRORS OF CHRIST. That Jesus Christ was neither a natural or moral philosopher is evident from the following facts:-- 1. He never made any use of the word "philosophy." 2. Never gave utterance to the word "science." 3. Never spoke of a natural law, or assigned a natural cause for anything. The fact that he never made use of these words now so current in all civilized countries, is evidence that he was totally ignorant of these important branches of knowledge, the cultivation of which is now known to be essential to the progress of civilization. And yet it is claimed his religion has been a great lever in the advancement of civilization. But this is a mistake--a solemn mistake, as elsewhere shown. (See Chap. XLV.) 4. Everything to Christ was miracle; everything was produced and controlled by the arbitrary power of an angry or irascible God. He evidently had no idea of a ruling principle in nature or of the existence of natural law, as controlling any event he witnessed. Hence he set no bounds to anything, and recognized no limits to the possible. He believed God to be a supernatural personal being, who possessed unlimited power, and who ruled and controlled everything by his arbitrary will, without any law or any limitation to its exercises. Hence he told his disciples they would have anything they prayed for in faith; that by faith they could roll mountains into the sea, or bring to a halt the rolling billows of the mighty deep. He evidently believed that the forked lightning, the out-bursting earth-shaking thunder, and the roaring, heaving volcano were but pliant tools or obsequious servants to the man of faith. And he displays no less ignorance of the laws of mind than the laws of nature; thus proving him to have been neither a natural, moral, nor mental philosopher. He omitted to teach the great moral lessons learned by human experience, of which he was evidently totally ignorant. 5. He never taught that the practice of virtue contains its own reward. 6. That the question of right and wrong of any action is to be decided by its effect upon the individual, or upon society. 7. That no life can be displeasing to God which is useful to man. 8. And he omitted to teach the most important lesson that can engage the attention of man, viz.: that the great purpose of life is self-development. 9. That no person can attain or approximate to real happiness without bestowing a special attention to the cultivation and exercise of all the mental and physical faculties, so far as to keep them in a healthy condition. None of the important lessons above named are hinted at in his teachings, which, if punctually observed, would do more to advance the happiness of the human race than all the sermons Christ or Chrishna ever preached, or ever taught. 10. And then he taught many doctrines which are plainly contradicted by the established principle of modern science, such as,-- 11. Diseases being produced by demons, devils, or wicked spirits. (See Mark ix. 20.) Christ nowhere assigns a natural cause for disease, or a scientific explanation for its cure. 12. His rebuking a fever discloses a similar lack of scientific knowledge. ( See Luke iv. 39.) 13. His belief in a literal hell and a lake of fire and brimstone (see Matt, xviii. 8) is an ancient heathen superstition science knows nothing about, and has no use for. 14. His belief in a personal devil also (see Matt. xvii. 88), which is another oriental tradition, furnishes more sad proof of an utter want of scientific knowledge, as science has no place for and no use for such a being. 15. Christ taught the unphilosophical doctrine of repentance, as he declared he "came to call sinners to repentance" (Matt. ix. 13)--a mental process, which consists merely in a revival of early impressions, and often leads a person to condemn that which is right, as well as that which is wrong. (For proof, see Chapter XLIII.) 16. The doctrine of "forgiveness," which Christ so often inculcated, is also at variance with the teachings of science, as it can do nothing toward changing the nature of the act forgiven, or toward cancelling its previous effects upon society. Science teaches that every crime has its penalty attached to it, which no act of forgiveness, by God or man, can arrest or set aside. 17. But nothing evinces, perhaps, more clearly Christ's total lack of scientific knowledge than his holding a man responsible for his belief, and condemning for disbelief, as he does in numerous instances (see Mark xvi. 16), for a man could as easily control the circulation of the blood in his veins as control his belief. Science teaches that belief depends upon evidence, and without it, it is impossible to believe, and with it, it is impossible to disbelieve. How foolish and unphilosophical, therefore, to condemn for either belief or disbelief! 18. The numerous cases in which Christ speaks of the heart as being the seat of consciousness, instead of the brain, evinces a remarkable ignorance of the science of mental philosophy. He speaks of an "upright heart," "a pure heart," &'c., when "an upright liver," "a pure liver," would be as sensible, as the latter has as much to do with the character as the former. 19. And the many cases in which he makes it meritorious to have a right "faith," and places it above reason, and assumes it to be a voluntary act, shows his utter ignorance of the nature of the human mind. 20. And Christ evinced a remarkable ignorance of the cause of physical defects, when he told his hearers a certain man was born blind, in order that he might cure him. (Matt. vii. 22.) 21. And Christ's declaration, that those who marry are not worthy of being saved (see Luke xx. 34), shows that he was very ignorant of the nature of the sexual functions of the human system. 22. Nothing could more completely demonstrate a total ignorance of the grand science of astronomy than Christ's prediction of the stars falling to the earth. (See Luke xxi. 25.) 23. And the conflagration of the world, "the gathering of the elect," and the realization of a fancied millennium, which he several times predicted would take place in his time, "before this generation pass away" (Matt, xxiv. 34), proves a like ignorance, both of astronomy and philosophy. 24. And his cursing of the fig tree for not bearing fruit in the winter season (see Matt. xxi. 20), not only proves his ignorance of the laws of nature, but evinces a bad temper. 25. Christ indorses the truth of Noah's flood story (see Luke xvii. 27), which every person at the present day, versed in science and natural law, knows is mere fiction, and never took place. And numerous other errors, evincing the most profound ignorance of science and natural law, might be pointed out in Christ's teachings, if we had space for them. It has always been alleged by orthodox Christendom, that Christ's teaching and moral system are so faultless as to challenge criticism, and so perfect as to defy improvement. But this is a serious mistake. For most of his precepts and moral inculcations which are not directly at war with the principles of science, or do not involve a flagrant violation of the laws of nature, are, nevertheless, characterized by a lawless and extravagant mode of expression peculiar to semi-savage life, and which, as it renders it impossible to reduce them to practice, shows they could not have emanated from a philosopher, or man of science, or a man of evenly-balanced mind. They impose upon the world a system of morality, pushed to such extremes that its own professed admirers do not live it out, or even attempt to do so. They long ago abandoned it as an impracticable duty. We will prove this by enumerating most of its requisitions, and showing that they are daily violated and trampled under foot by all Christendom. Where can the Christian professor be found who, 1. "takes no thought for the morrow" or, 2. who "lays not up treasure on earth," or, at least, tries to do it; or, 3. who "gives up all his property to the poor;" or who, "when his cloak is wrested from him by a robber," gives up his coat also; or who calls no man master or mister (the most common title in Christendom); or who calls no man father (if he has a father); or who calls no man a fool (when he knows he is a fool); or who, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turns the other to be battered up in the same way; or who prays without ceasing; or who rejoices when persecuted; or who forgives an enemy four hundred and ninety times (70 times 7); or who manifests by his practical life that he loves his enemies (the way he loves him is to report him to the grand jury, or hand him over to the sheriff); or who forsakes houses and land, and everything, "for the kingdom of heaven's sake." No Christian professor lives up to these precepts, or any of them, or even tries to do so. To talk, therefore, of finding a practical Christian, while nearly the whole moral code of Christ is thus daily and habitually outraged and trampled under foot by all the churches and every one of the two hundred millions of Christian professors, is bitter irony and supreme solecism. We would go five hundred miles, or pay five hundred dollars, to see a Christian. If a man can be a Christian while openly and habitually violating every precept of Christ, then the word has no meaning. These precepts, the Christian world finding to be impossible to practice, have unanimously laid upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." They are the product of a mind with an ardent temperament, and the religious faculties developed to excess, and unrestrained by

case

How many times the word 'case' appears in the text?

(Luke ii. 49.) "The kingdom of heaven is not mine to give, but the Son's." (Matt. xx. 23.) "I am come in my Son's name, and ye receive me not" (John v. 43.) "God cried, Jesus, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Matt. xiii. 28.) "No man hath seen Jesus at any time." (1 John i. 5-) "Jesus created all things by his Son." (Eph. iii. 9.) "God sat down (in heaven) at the right hand of Jesus." (Luke xxii. 69.) "There is one Jesus, one mediator between Jesus and men." (Gal. iii. 20.) "Jesus gave his only begotten Father." (1 John iv. 9) "God knows not the hour, but Jesus does." (Mark viii. 32.) "God is the servant of Jesus." (Mark xii. 18.) "God is ordained by Jesus." (Acts xvii. 31.) "The head of God is Christ." (Eph. i. 3.) "We have an advocate with Jesus, God the righteous." (1 John ii. 1.) "Jesus gave all power to God." (Matt, xxviii. 18.) "God abode all night in prayer to Jesus." (Luke vi. 12.) "God came down from heaven to do the will of Jesus." (John vi. 38.) "Jesus has made the Father his high priest." (Heb. x. 24.) "Last of all, the Son sent the Father." (Matt. xxi. 39.) "Jesus will save the world by that God whom he hath ordained." "Jesus is God of the Father." (John xx. 17.) "Jesus hath exalted God, and given him a more excellent name." (Phil. ii. 9.) "Jesus hath made God a little lower than the angels." (Heb. ii. 9.) "God can do nothing except what he seeth Jesus do." (John v. 19.) Now, the question arises, Is the above representation a true one? Most certainly it must be, if Jesus and the Father are but one almighty Being. A change of names and titles cannot alter the truth nor the sense. To say that Chief Justice Chase has gone south; Secretary Chase has gone south; Governor Chase has gone south; Ex-Senator Chase has gone south, or Salmon P. Chase has gone south, are affirmations equally true and equally sensible, because they all have reference to the same being; the case is to plain to need argument. The above reversal of names and titles of Jesus and the Father may sound very unpleasant and rather grating to Christ-adoring Christians, simply because it is the transposition of the tides of two very scripturally dissimilar beings, instead of being, as generally taught by orthodox Christians, "one in essence, one in mind, one in body or being, and one in name," as the Rev. Mr. Barnes affirms. Most self-evidently false is his statement, based solely on scriptural ground. If Jesus is "very God," and there is but one God, then the foregoing transposition cannot mar the sense nor altar the truth of one text quoted. CHAPTER XLI. THE PRECEPTS AND PRACTICAL LIFE OF JESUS CHRIST; HIS TWO HUNDRED ERRORS THE exaltation of men to the character and homage of divine beings has always had the effect to draw a vail over their errors and imperfections, so as to render them imperceptible to those who worship them as Gods. This is true of nearly all the deified men of antiquity, who were adored as incarnate divinities, among which may be included the Christian's man-God, Jesus Christ. The practice of the followers of these Gods has been, when an error was pointed out in their teachings, brought to light by the progress of science and general intelligence, to bestow upon the text some new and unwarranted meaning, entirely incompatible with its literal reading, or else to insist with a godly zeal on the correctness of the sentiment inculcated by the text, and thus essay to make error pass for truth. In this way millions of the disciples of' these Gods have been misled and blinded, and made to believe by their religious teachers and their religious education, that everything taught by their assumed-to-be divine exemplars is perfect truth, in perfect harmony with science, sense, and true morals. Indeed, the perversion of the mind and judgment by a religious education has been in many cases carried to such an extreme as to cause their devout and prejudiced followers either to entirely overlook and ignore their erroneous teachings, or to magnify them into God-given truths, and thus, as before stated, clothe error with the livery of truth. This state of things, it has long been noticed by unprejudiced minds, exists amongst the millions of professed believers in the divinity of Jesus Christ. Hence the errors, both in his moral lessons and his practical life, have passed from age to age unnoticed, because his pious and awe-stricken followers, having been taught that he was a divine teacher, have assumed that his teachings must all be true; and hence, too, have instituted no scrutiny to determine their truth or falsity. But we will now proceed to show that the progress of' science and general intelligence has brought to light many errors, not only in his teachings, but in his practical life also. In enumerating them, we will arrange them under the head MORAL AND RELIGIOUS ERRORS. 1. The first moral precept in the teachings of Christ, which we will bring to notice, is one of a numerous class, which may very properly be arranged under the head of Moral Extremism. We find many of his admonitions of this character. Nearly everything that is said is oversaid, carried to extremes--thus constituting an overwrought, extravagant system of morality, impracticable in its requisitions; as, for example, "Take no thought for the morrow." (Matt, v.) If the spirit of this injunction were carried out in practical life, there would be no grain sown and no seed planted in spring, no reaping done in harvest, and no crop garnered in autumn; and the result would be universal starvation in less than twelve months. But, fortunately for society, the Christian world have laid this positive injunction upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." 2. Christ's assumed-to-be most important requisition is found in the injunction, "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all else shall be added unto you." (Matt. vi. 33.) His early followers understood by this injunction, and doubtless understood it correctly, that they were to spend their lives in religious devotion, and neglect the practical duties of life, leaving "Providence" to take care of their families--a course of life which reduced many of them to the point of starvation. 3. The disciple of Christ is required, "when smitten on one cheek," to turn the other also that is, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turn the other, to be smashed up in like manner. This is an extravagant requisition, which none of his modern disciples even attempt to observe. 4. "Resist not evil" (Matt. v. 34) breathes forth a kindred spirit. This injunction requires you to stand with your hands in your pocket while being maltreated so cruelly and unmercifully that the forfeiture of your life may be the consequence--at least Christ's early followers so understood it. 5. The disciple of Christ is required, when his cloak is formally wrested from him, to give up his coat also. (See Matt, v.) And to carry out the principle, if the marauder demands it, he must next give up his boots, then his shirt, and thus strip himself of all his garments, and go naked. This looks like an invitation and bribe to robbery. 6. "Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth." (Matt. vi. 19.) This is another positive command of Christ, which the modern Christian world, by common consent, have laid on the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement," under the conviction that the wants of their families and the exigencies of sickness and old age cannot be served if they should live up to such an injunction. 7. "Sell all that thou hast,... and come and follow me," is another command which bespeaks more piety than wisdom, as all who have attempted to comply with it have reduced their families to beggary and want. 8. "If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him." Then he must hate it, as there are but the two principles, and "from hate proceed envy, strife, evil surmisings, and persecution." Evidently the remedy in this case for "worldly-mindedness" is worse than the disease. 9. "He that cometh to me, and hateth not father, mother, brother, and sister, &c., cannot be my disciple." (Luke xiv. 26). This breathes forth the same spirit as the last text quoted above. Many learned expositions have been penned by Christian writers to make it appear, that hate in this case does not mean hate. But certainly it would be a slander upon infinite wisdom to leave it to be inferred that he could not say or "inspire" his disciples to say exactly what he meant, and to say it so plainly as to leave no possibility of being misunderstood, or leave any ground for dispute about the meaning. 10. "Rejoice and be exceeding glad" when persecuted. (Matt. v. 4.) Now, as a state of rejoicing is the highest condition of happiness that can be realized, such advice must naturally prompt the religious zealot to court persecution, in order to obtain complete happiness, and consequently to pursue a dare-devil life to provoke persecution. 11. "Whosoever shall seek to save his life, shall lose it," &c. (Luke xvii. 33.) Here is displayed the spirit of martyrdom which has made millions reckless of life, and goaded on the frenzied bigot to seek the fiery fagot and the halter. We regard it as another display of religious fanaticism. 12. "Ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake." (Matt. x. 12.) How repulsive must have been their doctrines or their conduct! No sensible religion could excite the universal hatred of mankind. For it would contain something adapted to the moral, religious, or spiritual taste of some class or portion of society, and hence make it and its disciples loved instead of hated. And then how could they be "hated of all men," when not one man in a thousand ever heard of them? Here is more of the extravagance of religious enthusiasm. 13. "Shake off the dust of your feet" against those who cannot see the truth or utility of your doctrines. (Matt. x. 14.) Here Christ encourages in his disciples a spirit of contempt for the opinions of others calculated to make them "hated." A proper regard for the rules of good-breeding would have forbidden such rudeness toward strangers for a mere honest difference of opinion. 14. "Take nothing for your journey, neither staff, nor scrip, nor purse" (Mark vi. 8); that is "sponge on your friends, and force yourselves on your enemies," the latter class of which seem to have been much the most numerous. A preacher who should attempt to carry out this advice at the present day would be stopped at the first toll-gate, and compelled to return. Here is more violation of the rules of good-breeding, and the common courtesies of civilized life. 15. "Go and teach all nations," &c. Why issue an injunction that could not possibly be carried out? It never has been, and never will be, executed, for three-fourths of the human race have never yet heard of Christianity. It was not, therefore, a mark of wisdom, or a superior mind, to issue such an injunction. 16. "And he that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned." What intolerance, bigotry, relentless cruelty, and ignorance of the science of mind are here displayed! No philosopher would give utterance to, or indorse such a sentiment. It assumes that belief is a creature of the will, and that a man can believe anything he chooses, which is wide of the truth. And the assumption has been followed by persecution, misery, and bloodshed. 17. "All things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Matt. xxi. 22.) Here is an entire negation of natural law in the necessity of physical labor as a means to procure the comforts of life. When anything is wanted in the shape of food or raiment, it is to be obtained, according to this text, by going down on your knees and asking God to bestow it. But no Christian ever realized "all things whatsoever asked for in prayer," thought "believing with all his heart" he should obtain it. The author knows, by his own practical experience, that this declaration is not true. This promise has been falsified thousands of times by thousands of praying Christians. 18. "Be not called rabbi." "Call no man your father." (Matt, xxiii.) The Christian world assume that much of what Christ taught is mere idle nonsense, or the incoherent utterings of a religious fanatic; for they pay no more practical attention to it than the barking of a dog. And here is one command treated in this manner: "Call no man father." Where is the Christian who refuses to call his earthly sire a father? 19. "Call no man master." (Matt, xxiii.) And yet mister, which is the same thing, is the most common title in Christendom. 20. He who enunciates the two words, "'Thou fool.' shall be in danger of hell fire." (Matt, xxii.) Mercy! Who, then, can be saved? For there is probably not a live Christian in the world who has not called somebody a "fool," when he knew him to be such, and could not with truthfulness be called anything else. Here, then, is another command universally ignored and "indefinitely postponed." 21. "Swear not at all, neither by heaven nor earth." (Matt, v.) And yet no Christian refuses to indulge in legal, if not profane, swearing which the text evidently forbids. 22. "Men ought always to pray." (Luke xviii.) No time to be allowed for eating or sleeping. More religious fanaticism. 23. "Whosoever will be chief among you let him be your servant" (Matt. xx. 27); that is, no Christian professor shall be a president, governor, major-general, deacon, or priest. Another command laid on the table. 24. "Love your enemies." (Matt. v. 44.) Then what kind of feeling should we cultivate toward friends? And how much did he love his enemies when he called them "fools," "liars," "hypocrites," "generation of vipers," &c.? And yet he is held up as "our" example in love, meekness, and forbearance. But no man ever did love an enemy. It is a moral impossibility, as much so as to love bitter or nauseating food. The advice of the Roman slave Syrus is indicative of more sense and wisdom--"Treat your enemy kindly, and thus make him a friend." 25. We are required to forgive an enemy four hundred and ninety times; that is, "seventy times seven." (Matt, vii.) Another outburst of religious enthusiasm; another proof of an overheated imagination. 26. "Be ye perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect." (Matt. v. 48.) Here is more of the religious extravagance of a mind uncultured by science. For it is self-evident that human beings can make no approximation to divine perfection. The distance between human imperfection and a perfect God is, and ever must be, infinite. 27. Christ commended those who "became eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake" (Matt. xix. 12)--a custom requiring a murderous, self-butchering process; destructive of the energies of life and the vigor of manhood, and rendering the subject weak, effeminate, and mopish, and unfit for the business of life. It is a low species of piety, and discloses a lamentable lack of a scientific knowledge of the true functions of the sexual organs on the part of Jesus. 28. Christ also encouraged his disciples to "pluck out the eye," and "cut off the hand," as a means of rendering it impossible to perpetrate evil with those members. And we would suggest, if such advice is consistent with sound reasoning, the head also should be cut off, as a means of more effectually carrying out the same principle. Such advice never came from the mouth of a philosopher. It is a part of Christ's system of extravagant piety. 29. He also taught the senseless, oriental tradition of "the unpardonable sin against the Holy Ghost"--a fabulous being who figured more anciently in the history of various countries. (See Chapter XXII.) No philosopher or man of science could harbor such childish misconceptions as are embodied in this tradition, which neither describes the being nor explains the nature of the sin. 30. We find many proofs, in Christ's Gospel history, that he believed in the ancient heathen tradition which taught that disease is caused by demons and evil spirits. (See Luke vii. 21, and viii. 2.) 31. Many cases are reported of his relieving the obsessed by casting out the diabolical intruders, in imitation of the oriental custom long in vogue in various countries, by which he evinced a profound ignorance of the natural causes of disease. 32. Christ also taught the old pagan superstition that "God is a God of anger," while modern science teaches that it would be as impossible for a God of perfect and infinite attributes to experience the feeling of anger as to commit suicide; and recent discoveries in physiology prove that anger is a species of suicide, and that it is also a species of insanity. Hence an angry God would be an insane God--an omnipotent lunatic, "ruling the kingdom of heaven," which would make heaven a lunatic asylum, and rather a dangerous place to live. 33. And Christ's injunction to "fear God" also implies that he is an angry being. (See Luke xxiii. 40.) But y past history proves that "the fear of God" has always been the great lever of priestcraft, and the most paltry and pitiful motive that ever moved the human mind. It has paralyzed the noblest intellects, crushed the elasticity of youth, and augmented the hesitating indecision of old age, and finally filled the world with cowardly, trembling slaves. No philosopher will either love or worship a God he fears. "The fear of the Lord" is a very ancient heathen superstition. 34. The inducement Christ holds out for leading a virtuous life by the promise of "Well done, thou good and faithful servant," bespeaks a childish ignorance of the nature of the human mind and the true science of life. It ranks with the promise of the nurse of sugar-plums to the boy if he would keep his garments unsoiled. (For the remainder of the two hundred errors of Christ, see Vol. II.) There are many other errors found in the precepts and practical life of Jesus Christ (which we are compelled to omit an exposition of here), such as his losing his temper, and abusing the money-changers by overthrowing their counting-table, and expelling them from the temple with a whip of cords when engaged in a lawful' and laudable business; his getting mad at and cursing the fig tree; his dooming Capernaum to hell in a fit of anger; his being deceived by two of his disciples (Peter and Judas), which prompted him to call them devils; his implied approval of David, with his fourteen crimes and penitentiary deeds, and also Abraham, with his falsehoods, polygamy, and incest, and his implied sanction of the Old Testament, with all its errors and numerous crimes; his promise to his twelve apostles to "sit upon the twelve thrones of Israel" in heaven, thus evincing a very limited and childish conception of the enjoyments of the future life; his puerile idea of sin, consisting in a personal affront to a personal God; his omission to say anything about human freedom, the inalienable rights of man, &c. THE SCIENTIFIC ERRORS OF CHRIST. That Jesus Christ was neither a natural or moral philosopher is evident from the following facts:-- 1. He never made any use of the word "philosophy." 2. Never gave utterance to the word "science." 3. Never spoke of a natural law, or assigned a natural cause for anything. The fact that he never made use of these words now so current in all civilized countries, is evidence that he was totally ignorant of these important branches of knowledge, the cultivation of which is now known to be essential to the progress of civilization. And yet it is claimed his religion has been a great lever in the advancement of civilization. But this is a mistake--a solemn mistake, as elsewhere shown. (See Chap. XLV.) 4. Everything to Christ was miracle; everything was produced and controlled by the arbitrary power of an angry or irascible God. He evidently had no idea of a ruling principle in nature or of the existence of natural law, as controlling any event he witnessed. Hence he set no bounds to anything, and recognized no limits to the possible. He believed God to be a supernatural personal being, who possessed unlimited power, and who ruled and controlled everything by his arbitrary will, without any law or any limitation to its exercises. Hence he told his disciples they would have anything they prayed for in faith; that by faith they could roll mountains into the sea, or bring to a halt the rolling billows of the mighty deep. He evidently believed that the forked lightning, the out-bursting earth-shaking thunder, and the roaring, heaving volcano were but pliant tools or obsequious servants to the man of faith. And he displays no less ignorance of the laws of mind than the laws of nature; thus proving him to have been neither a natural, moral, nor mental philosopher. He omitted to teach the great moral lessons learned by human experience, of which he was evidently totally ignorant. 5. He never taught that the practice of virtue contains its own reward. 6. That the question of right and wrong of any action is to be decided by its effect upon the individual, or upon society. 7. That no life can be displeasing to God which is useful to man. 8. And he omitted to teach the most important lesson that can engage the attention of man, viz.: that the great purpose of life is self-development. 9. That no person can attain or approximate to real happiness without bestowing a special attention to the cultivation and exercise of all the mental and physical faculties, so far as to keep them in a healthy condition. None of the important lessons above named are hinted at in his teachings, which, if punctually observed, would do more to advance the happiness of the human race than all the sermons Christ or Chrishna ever preached, or ever taught. 10. And then he taught many doctrines which are plainly contradicted by the established principle of modern science, such as,-- 11. Diseases being produced by demons, devils, or wicked spirits. (See Mark ix. 20.) Christ nowhere assigns a natural cause for disease, or a scientific explanation for its cure. 12. His rebuking a fever discloses a similar lack of scientific knowledge. ( See Luke iv. 39.) 13. His belief in a literal hell and a lake of fire and brimstone (see Matt, xviii. 8) is an ancient heathen superstition science knows nothing about, and has no use for. 14. His belief in a personal devil also (see Matt. xvii. 88), which is another oriental tradition, furnishes more sad proof of an utter want of scientific knowledge, as science has no place for and no use for such a being. 15. Christ taught the unphilosophical doctrine of repentance, as he declared he "came to call sinners to repentance" (Matt. ix. 13)--a mental process, which consists merely in a revival of early impressions, and often leads a person to condemn that which is right, as well as that which is wrong. (For proof, see Chapter XLIII.) 16. The doctrine of "forgiveness," which Christ so often inculcated, is also at variance with the teachings of science, as it can do nothing toward changing the nature of the act forgiven, or toward cancelling its previous effects upon society. Science teaches that every crime has its penalty attached to it, which no act of forgiveness, by God or man, can arrest or set aside. 17. But nothing evinces, perhaps, more clearly Christ's total lack of scientific knowledge than his holding a man responsible for his belief, and condemning for disbelief, as he does in numerous instances (see Mark xvi. 16), for a man could as easily control the circulation of the blood in his veins as control his belief. Science teaches that belief depends upon evidence, and without it, it is impossible to believe, and with it, it is impossible to disbelieve. How foolish and unphilosophical, therefore, to condemn for either belief or disbelief! 18. The numerous cases in which Christ speaks of the heart as being the seat of consciousness, instead of the brain, evinces a remarkable ignorance of the science of mental philosophy. He speaks of an "upright heart," "a pure heart," &'c., when "an upright liver," "a pure liver," would be as sensible, as the latter has as much to do with the character as the former. 19. And the many cases in which he makes it meritorious to have a right "faith," and places it above reason, and assumes it to be a voluntary act, shows his utter ignorance of the nature of the human mind. 20. And Christ evinced a remarkable ignorance of the cause of physical defects, when he told his hearers a certain man was born blind, in order that he might cure him. (Matt. vii. 22.) 21. And Christ's declaration, that those who marry are not worthy of being saved (see Luke xx. 34), shows that he was very ignorant of the nature of the sexual functions of the human system. 22. Nothing could more completely demonstrate a total ignorance of the grand science of astronomy than Christ's prediction of the stars falling to the earth. (See Luke xxi. 25.) 23. And the conflagration of the world, "the gathering of the elect," and the realization of a fancied millennium, which he several times predicted would take place in his time, "before this generation pass away" (Matt, xxiv. 34), proves a like ignorance, both of astronomy and philosophy. 24. And his cursing of the fig tree for not bearing fruit in the winter season (see Matt. xxi. 20), not only proves his ignorance of the laws of nature, but evinces a bad temper. 25. Christ indorses the truth of Noah's flood story (see Luke xvii. 27), which every person at the present day, versed in science and natural law, knows is mere fiction, and never took place. And numerous other errors, evincing the most profound ignorance of science and natural law, might be pointed out in Christ's teachings, if we had space for them. It has always been alleged by orthodox Christendom, that Christ's teaching and moral system are so faultless as to challenge criticism, and so perfect as to defy improvement. But this is a serious mistake. For most of his precepts and moral inculcations which are not directly at war with the principles of science, or do not involve a flagrant violation of the laws of nature, are, nevertheless, characterized by a lawless and extravagant mode of expression peculiar to semi-savage life, and which, as it renders it impossible to reduce them to practice, shows they could not have emanated from a philosopher, or man of science, or a man of evenly-balanced mind. They impose upon the world a system of morality, pushed to such extremes that its own professed admirers do not live it out, or even attempt to do so. They long ago abandoned it as an impracticable duty. We will prove this by enumerating most of its requisitions, and showing that they are daily violated and trampled under foot by all Christendom. Where can the Christian professor be found who, 1. "takes no thought for the morrow" or, 2. who "lays not up treasure on earth," or, at least, tries to do it; or, 3. who "gives up all his property to the poor;" or who, "when his cloak is wrested from him by a robber," gives up his coat also; or who calls no man master or mister (the most common title in Christendom); or who calls no man father (if he has a father); or who calls no man a fool (when he knows he is a fool); or who, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turns the other to be battered up in the same way; or who prays without ceasing; or who rejoices when persecuted; or who forgives an enemy four hundred and ninety times (70 times 7); or who manifests by his practical life that he loves his enemies (the way he loves him is to report him to the grand jury, or hand him over to the sheriff); or who forsakes houses and land, and everything, "for the kingdom of heaven's sake." No Christian professor lives up to these precepts, or any of them, or even tries to do so. To talk, therefore, of finding a practical Christian, while nearly the whole moral code of Christ is thus daily and habitually outraged and trampled under foot by all the churches and every one of the two hundred millions of Christian professors, is bitter irony and supreme solecism. We would go five hundred miles, or pay five hundred dollars, to see a Christian. If a man can be a Christian while openly and habitually violating every precept of Christ, then the word has no meaning. These precepts, the Christian world finding to be impossible to practice, have unanimously laid upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." They are the product of a mind with an ardent temperament, and the religious faculties developed to excess, and unrestrained by

exists

How many times the word 'exists' appears in the text?

(Luke ii. 49.) "The kingdom of heaven is not mine to give, but the Son's." (Matt. xx. 23.) "I am come in my Son's name, and ye receive me not" (John v. 43.) "God cried, Jesus, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Matt. xiii. 28.) "No man hath seen Jesus at any time." (1 John i. 5-) "Jesus created all things by his Son." (Eph. iii. 9.) "God sat down (in heaven) at the right hand of Jesus." (Luke xxii. 69.) "There is one Jesus, one mediator between Jesus and men." (Gal. iii. 20.) "Jesus gave his only begotten Father." (1 John iv. 9) "God knows not the hour, but Jesus does." (Mark viii. 32.) "God is the servant of Jesus." (Mark xii. 18.) "God is ordained by Jesus." (Acts xvii. 31.) "The head of God is Christ." (Eph. i. 3.) "We have an advocate with Jesus, God the righteous." (1 John ii. 1.) "Jesus gave all power to God." (Matt, xxviii. 18.) "God abode all night in prayer to Jesus." (Luke vi. 12.) "God came down from heaven to do the will of Jesus." (John vi. 38.) "Jesus has made the Father his high priest." (Heb. x. 24.) "Last of all, the Son sent the Father." (Matt. xxi. 39.) "Jesus will save the world by that God whom he hath ordained." "Jesus is God of the Father." (John xx. 17.) "Jesus hath exalted God, and given him a more excellent name." (Phil. ii. 9.) "Jesus hath made God a little lower than the angels." (Heb. ii. 9.) "God can do nothing except what he seeth Jesus do." (John v. 19.) Now, the question arises, Is the above representation a true one? Most certainly it must be, if Jesus and the Father are but one almighty Being. A change of names and titles cannot alter the truth nor the sense. To say that Chief Justice Chase has gone south; Secretary Chase has gone south; Governor Chase has gone south; Ex-Senator Chase has gone south, or Salmon P. Chase has gone south, are affirmations equally true and equally sensible, because they all have reference to the same being; the case is to plain to need argument. The above reversal of names and titles of Jesus and the Father may sound very unpleasant and rather grating to Christ-adoring Christians, simply because it is the transposition of the tides of two very scripturally dissimilar beings, instead of being, as generally taught by orthodox Christians, "one in essence, one in mind, one in body or being, and one in name," as the Rev. Mr. Barnes affirms. Most self-evidently false is his statement, based solely on scriptural ground. If Jesus is "very God," and there is but one God, then the foregoing transposition cannot mar the sense nor altar the truth of one text quoted. CHAPTER XLI. THE PRECEPTS AND PRACTICAL LIFE OF JESUS CHRIST; HIS TWO HUNDRED ERRORS THE exaltation of men to the character and homage of divine beings has always had the effect to draw a vail over their errors and imperfections, so as to render them imperceptible to those who worship them as Gods. This is true of nearly all the deified men of antiquity, who were adored as incarnate divinities, among which may be included the Christian's man-God, Jesus Christ. The practice of the followers of these Gods has been, when an error was pointed out in their teachings, brought to light by the progress of science and general intelligence, to bestow upon the text some new and unwarranted meaning, entirely incompatible with its literal reading, or else to insist with a godly zeal on the correctness of the sentiment inculcated by the text, and thus essay to make error pass for truth. In this way millions of the disciples of' these Gods have been misled and blinded, and made to believe by their religious teachers and their religious education, that everything taught by their assumed-to-be divine exemplars is perfect truth, in perfect harmony with science, sense, and true morals. Indeed, the perversion of the mind and judgment by a religious education has been in many cases carried to such an extreme as to cause their devout and prejudiced followers either to entirely overlook and ignore their erroneous teachings, or to magnify them into God-given truths, and thus, as before stated, clothe error with the livery of truth. This state of things, it has long been noticed by unprejudiced minds, exists amongst the millions of professed believers in the divinity of Jesus Christ. Hence the errors, both in his moral lessons and his practical life, have passed from age to age unnoticed, because his pious and awe-stricken followers, having been taught that he was a divine teacher, have assumed that his teachings must all be true; and hence, too, have instituted no scrutiny to determine their truth or falsity. But we will now proceed to show that the progress of' science and general intelligence has brought to light many errors, not only in his teachings, but in his practical life also. In enumerating them, we will arrange them under the head MORAL AND RELIGIOUS ERRORS. 1. The first moral precept in the teachings of Christ, which we will bring to notice, is one of a numerous class, which may very properly be arranged under the head of Moral Extremism. We find many of his admonitions of this character. Nearly everything that is said is oversaid, carried to extremes--thus constituting an overwrought, extravagant system of morality, impracticable in its requisitions; as, for example, "Take no thought for the morrow." (Matt, v.) If the spirit of this injunction were carried out in practical life, there would be no grain sown and no seed planted in spring, no reaping done in harvest, and no crop garnered in autumn; and the result would be universal starvation in less than twelve months. But, fortunately for society, the Christian world have laid this positive injunction upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." 2. Christ's assumed-to-be most important requisition is found in the injunction, "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all else shall be added unto you." (Matt. vi. 33.) His early followers understood by this injunction, and doubtless understood it correctly, that they were to spend their lives in religious devotion, and neglect the practical duties of life, leaving "Providence" to take care of their families--a course of life which reduced many of them to the point of starvation. 3. The disciple of Christ is required, "when smitten on one cheek," to turn the other also that is, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turn the other, to be smashed up in like manner. This is an extravagant requisition, which none of his modern disciples even attempt to observe. 4. "Resist not evil" (Matt. v. 34) breathes forth a kindred spirit. This injunction requires you to stand with your hands in your pocket while being maltreated so cruelly and unmercifully that the forfeiture of your life may be the consequence--at least Christ's early followers so understood it. 5. The disciple of Christ is required, when his cloak is formally wrested from him, to give up his coat also. (See Matt, v.) And to carry out the principle, if the marauder demands it, he must next give up his boots, then his shirt, and thus strip himself of all his garments, and go naked. This looks like an invitation and bribe to robbery. 6. "Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth." (Matt. vi. 19.) This is another positive command of Christ, which the modern Christian world, by common consent, have laid on the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement," under the conviction that the wants of their families and the exigencies of sickness and old age cannot be served if they should live up to such an injunction. 7. "Sell all that thou hast,... and come and follow me," is another command which bespeaks more piety than wisdom, as all who have attempted to comply with it have reduced their families to beggary and want. 8. "If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him." Then he must hate it, as there are but the two principles, and "from hate proceed envy, strife, evil surmisings, and persecution." Evidently the remedy in this case for "worldly-mindedness" is worse than the disease. 9. "He that cometh to me, and hateth not father, mother, brother, and sister, &c., cannot be my disciple." (Luke xiv. 26). This breathes forth the same spirit as the last text quoted above. Many learned expositions have been penned by Christian writers to make it appear, that hate in this case does not mean hate. But certainly it would be a slander upon infinite wisdom to leave it to be inferred that he could not say or "inspire" his disciples to say exactly what he meant, and to say it so plainly as to leave no possibility of being misunderstood, or leave any ground for dispute about the meaning. 10. "Rejoice and be exceeding glad" when persecuted. (Matt. v. 4.) Now, as a state of rejoicing is the highest condition of happiness that can be realized, such advice must naturally prompt the religious zealot to court persecution, in order to obtain complete happiness, and consequently to pursue a dare-devil life to provoke persecution. 11. "Whosoever shall seek to save his life, shall lose it," &c. (Luke xvii. 33.) Here is displayed the spirit of martyrdom which has made millions reckless of life, and goaded on the frenzied bigot to seek the fiery fagot and the halter. We regard it as another display of religious fanaticism. 12. "Ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake." (Matt. x. 12.) How repulsive must have been their doctrines or their conduct! No sensible religion could excite the universal hatred of mankind. For it would contain something adapted to the moral, religious, or spiritual taste of some class or portion of society, and hence make it and its disciples loved instead of hated. And then how could they be "hated of all men," when not one man in a thousand ever heard of them? Here is more of the extravagance of religious enthusiasm. 13. "Shake off the dust of your feet" against those who cannot see the truth or utility of your doctrines. (Matt. x. 14.) Here Christ encourages in his disciples a spirit of contempt for the opinions of others calculated to make them "hated." A proper regard for the rules of good-breeding would have forbidden such rudeness toward strangers for a mere honest difference of opinion. 14. "Take nothing for your journey, neither staff, nor scrip, nor purse" (Mark vi. 8); that is "sponge on your friends, and force yourselves on your enemies," the latter class of which seem to have been much the most numerous. A preacher who should attempt to carry out this advice at the present day would be stopped at the first toll-gate, and compelled to return. Here is more violation of the rules of good-breeding, and the common courtesies of civilized life. 15. "Go and teach all nations," &c. Why issue an injunction that could not possibly be carried out? It never has been, and never will be, executed, for three-fourths of the human race have never yet heard of Christianity. It was not, therefore, a mark of wisdom, or a superior mind, to issue such an injunction. 16. "And he that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned." What intolerance, bigotry, relentless cruelty, and ignorance of the science of mind are here displayed! No philosopher would give utterance to, or indorse such a sentiment. It assumes that belief is a creature of the will, and that a man can believe anything he chooses, which is wide of the truth. And the assumption has been followed by persecution, misery, and bloodshed. 17. "All things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Matt. xxi. 22.) Here is an entire negation of natural law in the necessity of physical labor as a means to procure the comforts of life. When anything is wanted in the shape of food or raiment, it is to be obtained, according to this text, by going down on your knees and asking God to bestow it. But no Christian ever realized "all things whatsoever asked for in prayer," thought "believing with all his heart" he should obtain it. The author knows, by his own practical experience, that this declaration is not true. This promise has been falsified thousands of times by thousands of praying Christians. 18. "Be not called rabbi." "Call no man your father." (Matt, xxiii.) The Christian world assume that much of what Christ taught is mere idle nonsense, or the incoherent utterings of a religious fanatic; for they pay no more practical attention to it than the barking of a dog. And here is one command treated in this manner: "Call no man father." Where is the Christian who refuses to call his earthly sire a father? 19. "Call no man master." (Matt, xxiii.) And yet mister, which is the same thing, is the most common title in Christendom. 20. He who enunciates the two words, "'Thou fool.' shall be in danger of hell fire." (Matt, xxii.) Mercy! Who, then, can be saved? For there is probably not a live Christian in the world who has not called somebody a "fool," when he knew him to be such, and could not with truthfulness be called anything else. Here, then, is another command universally ignored and "indefinitely postponed." 21. "Swear not at all, neither by heaven nor earth." (Matt, v.) And yet no Christian refuses to indulge in legal, if not profane, swearing which the text evidently forbids. 22. "Men ought always to pray." (Luke xviii.) No time to be allowed for eating or sleeping. More religious fanaticism. 23. "Whosoever will be chief among you let him be your servant" (Matt. xx. 27); that is, no Christian professor shall be a president, governor, major-general, deacon, or priest. Another command laid on the table. 24. "Love your enemies." (Matt. v. 44.) Then what kind of feeling should we cultivate toward friends? And how much did he love his enemies when he called them "fools," "liars," "hypocrites," "generation of vipers," &c.? And yet he is held up as "our" example in love, meekness, and forbearance. But no man ever did love an enemy. It is a moral impossibility, as much so as to love bitter or nauseating food. The advice of the Roman slave Syrus is indicative of more sense and wisdom--"Treat your enemy kindly, and thus make him a friend." 25. We are required to forgive an enemy four hundred and ninety times; that is, "seventy times seven." (Matt, vii.) Another outburst of religious enthusiasm; another proof of an overheated imagination. 26. "Be ye perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect." (Matt. v. 48.) Here is more of the religious extravagance of a mind uncultured by science. For it is self-evident that human beings can make no approximation to divine perfection. The distance between human imperfection and a perfect God is, and ever must be, infinite. 27. Christ commended those who "became eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake" (Matt. xix. 12)--a custom requiring a murderous, self-butchering process; destructive of the energies of life and the vigor of manhood, and rendering the subject weak, effeminate, and mopish, and unfit for the business of life. It is a low species of piety, and discloses a lamentable lack of a scientific knowledge of the true functions of the sexual organs on the part of Jesus. 28. Christ also encouraged his disciples to "pluck out the eye," and "cut off the hand," as a means of rendering it impossible to perpetrate evil with those members. And we would suggest, if such advice is consistent with sound reasoning, the head also should be cut off, as a means of more effectually carrying out the same principle. Such advice never came from the mouth of a philosopher. It is a part of Christ's system of extravagant piety. 29. He also taught the senseless, oriental tradition of "the unpardonable sin against the Holy Ghost"--a fabulous being who figured more anciently in the history of various countries. (See Chapter XXII.) No philosopher or man of science could harbor such childish misconceptions as are embodied in this tradition, which neither describes the being nor explains the nature of the sin. 30. We find many proofs, in Christ's Gospel history, that he believed in the ancient heathen tradition which taught that disease is caused by demons and evil spirits. (See Luke vii. 21, and viii. 2.) 31. Many cases are reported of his relieving the obsessed by casting out the diabolical intruders, in imitation of the oriental custom long in vogue in various countries, by which he evinced a profound ignorance of the natural causes of disease. 32. Christ also taught the old pagan superstition that "God is a God of anger," while modern science teaches that it would be as impossible for a God of perfect and infinite attributes to experience the feeling of anger as to commit suicide; and recent discoveries in physiology prove that anger is a species of suicide, and that it is also a species of insanity. Hence an angry God would be an insane God--an omnipotent lunatic, "ruling the kingdom of heaven," which would make heaven a lunatic asylum, and rather a dangerous place to live. 33. And Christ's injunction to "fear God" also implies that he is an angry being. (See Luke xxiii. 40.) But y past history proves that "the fear of God" has always been the great lever of priestcraft, and the most paltry and pitiful motive that ever moved the human mind. It has paralyzed the noblest intellects, crushed the elasticity of youth, and augmented the hesitating indecision of old age, and finally filled the world with cowardly, trembling slaves. No philosopher will either love or worship a God he fears. "The fear of the Lord" is a very ancient heathen superstition. 34. The inducement Christ holds out for leading a virtuous life by the promise of "Well done, thou good and faithful servant," bespeaks a childish ignorance of the nature of the human mind and the true science of life. It ranks with the promise of the nurse of sugar-plums to the boy if he would keep his garments unsoiled. (For the remainder of the two hundred errors of Christ, see Vol. II.) There are many other errors found in the precepts and practical life of Jesus Christ (which we are compelled to omit an exposition of here), such as his losing his temper, and abusing the money-changers by overthrowing their counting-table, and expelling them from the temple with a whip of cords when engaged in a lawful' and laudable business; his getting mad at and cursing the fig tree; his dooming Capernaum to hell in a fit of anger; his being deceived by two of his disciples (Peter and Judas), which prompted him to call them devils; his implied approval of David, with his fourteen crimes and penitentiary deeds, and also Abraham, with his falsehoods, polygamy, and incest, and his implied sanction of the Old Testament, with all its errors and numerous crimes; his promise to his twelve apostles to "sit upon the twelve thrones of Israel" in heaven, thus evincing a very limited and childish conception of the enjoyments of the future life; his puerile idea of sin, consisting in a personal affront to a personal God; his omission to say anything about human freedom, the inalienable rights of man, &c. THE SCIENTIFIC ERRORS OF CHRIST. That Jesus Christ was neither a natural or moral philosopher is evident from the following facts:-- 1. He never made any use of the word "philosophy." 2. Never gave utterance to the word "science." 3. Never spoke of a natural law, or assigned a natural cause for anything. The fact that he never made use of these words now so current in all civilized countries, is evidence that he was totally ignorant of these important branches of knowledge, the cultivation of which is now known to be essential to the progress of civilization. And yet it is claimed his religion has been a great lever in the advancement of civilization. But this is a mistake--a solemn mistake, as elsewhere shown. (See Chap. XLV.) 4. Everything to Christ was miracle; everything was produced and controlled by the arbitrary power of an angry or irascible God. He evidently had no idea of a ruling principle in nature or of the existence of natural law, as controlling any event he witnessed. Hence he set no bounds to anything, and recognized no limits to the possible. He believed God to be a supernatural personal being, who possessed unlimited power, and who ruled and controlled everything by his arbitrary will, without any law or any limitation to its exercises. Hence he told his disciples they would have anything they prayed for in faith; that by faith they could roll mountains into the sea, or bring to a halt the rolling billows of the mighty deep. He evidently believed that the forked lightning, the out-bursting earth-shaking thunder, and the roaring, heaving volcano were but pliant tools or obsequious servants to the man of faith. And he displays no less ignorance of the laws of mind than the laws of nature; thus proving him to have been neither a natural, moral, nor mental philosopher. He omitted to teach the great moral lessons learned by human experience, of which he was evidently totally ignorant. 5. He never taught that the practice of virtue contains its own reward. 6. That the question of right and wrong of any action is to be decided by its effect upon the individual, or upon society. 7. That no life can be displeasing to God which is useful to man. 8. And he omitted to teach the most important lesson that can engage the attention of man, viz.: that the great purpose of life is self-development. 9. That no person can attain or approximate to real happiness without bestowing a special attention to the cultivation and exercise of all the mental and physical faculties, so far as to keep them in a healthy condition. None of the important lessons above named are hinted at in his teachings, which, if punctually observed, would do more to advance the happiness of the human race than all the sermons Christ or Chrishna ever preached, or ever taught. 10. And then he taught many doctrines which are plainly contradicted by the established principle of modern science, such as,-- 11. Diseases being produced by demons, devils, or wicked spirits. (See Mark ix. 20.) Christ nowhere assigns a natural cause for disease, or a scientific explanation for its cure. 12. His rebuking a fever discloses a similar lack of scientific knowledge. ( See Luke iv. 39.) 13. His belief in a literal hell and a lake of fire and brimstone (see Matt, xviii. 8) is an ancient heathen superstition science knows nothing about, and has no use for. 14. His belief in a personal devil also (see Matt. xvii. 88), which is another oriental tradition, furnishes more sad proof of an utter want of scientific knowledge, as science has no place for and no use for such a being. 15. Christ taught the unphilosophical doctrine of repentance, as he declared he "came to call sinners to repentance" (Matt. ix. 13)--a mental process, which consists merely in a revival of early impressions, and often leads a person to condemn that which is right, as well as that which is wrong. (For proof, see Chapter XLIII.) 16. The doctrine of "forgiveness," which Christ so often inculcated, is also at variance with the teachings of science, as it can do nothing toward changing the nature of the act forgiven, or toward cancelling its previous effects upon society. Science teaches that every crime has its penalty attached to it, which no act of forgiveness, by God or man, can arrest or set aside. 17. But nothing evinces, perhaps, more clearly Christ's total lack of scientific knowledge than his holding a man responsible for his belief, and condemning for disbelief, as he does in numerous instances (see Mark xvi. 16), for a man could as easily control the circulation of the blood in his veins as control his belief. Science teaches that belief depends upon evidence, and without it, it is impossible to believe, and with it, it is impossible to disbelieve. How foolish and unphilosophical, therefore, to condemn for either belief or disbelief! 18. The numerous cases in which Christ speaks of the heart as being the seat of consciousness, instead of the brain, evinces a remarkable ignorance of the science of mental philosophy. He speaks of an "upright heart," "a pure heart," &'c., when "an upright liver," "a pure liver," would be as sensible, as the latter has as much to do with the character as the former. 19. And the many cases in which he makes it meritorious to have a right "faith," and places it above reason, and assumes it to be a voluntary act, shows his utter ignorance of the nature of the human mind. 20. And Christ evinced a remarkable ignorance of the cause of physical defects, when he told his hearers a certain man was born blind, in order that he might cure him. (Matt. vii. 22.) 21. And Christ's declaration, that those who marry are not worthy of being saved (see Luke xx. 34), shows that he was very ignorant of the nature of the sexual functions of the human system. 22. Nothing could more completely demonstrate a total ignorance of the grand science of astronomy than Christ's prediction of the stars falling to the earth. (See Luke xxi. 25.) 23. And the conflagration of the world, "the gathering of the elect," and the realization of a fancied millennium, which he several times predicted would take place in his time, "before this generation pass away" (Matt, xxiv. 34), proves a like ignorance, both of astronomy and philosophy. 24. And his cursing of the fig tree for not bearing fruit in the winter season (see Matt. xxi. 20), not only proves his ignorance of the laws of nature, but evinces a bad temper. 25. Christ indorses the truth of Noah's flood story (see Luke xvii. 27), which every person at the present day, versed in science and natural law, knows is mere fiction, and never took place. And numerous other errors, evincing the most profound ignorance of science and natural law, might be pointed out in Christ's teachings, if we had space for them. It has always been alleged by orthodox Christendom, that Christ's teaching and moral system are so faultless as to challenge criticism, and so perfect as to defy improvement. But this is a serious mistake. For most of his precepts and moral inculcations which are not directly at war with the principles of science, or do not involve a flagrant violation of the laws of nature, are, nevertheless, characterized by a lawless and extravagant mode of expression peculiar to semi-savage life, and which, as it renders it impossible to reduce them to practice, shows they could not have emanated from a philosopher, or man of science, or a man of evenly-balanced mind. They impose upon the world a system of morality, pushed to such extremes that its own professed admirers do not live it out, or even attempt to do so. They long ago abandoned it as an impracticable duty. We will prove this by enumerating most of its requisitions, and showing that they are daily violated and trampled under foot by all Christendom. Where can the Christian professor be found who, 1. "takes no thought for the morrow" or, 2. who "lays not up treasure on earth," or, at least, tries to do it; or, 3. who "gives up all his property to the poor;" or who, "when his cloak is wrested from him by a robber," gives up his coat also; or who calls no man master or mister (the most common title in Christendom); or who calls no man father (if he has a father); or who calls no man a fool (when he knows he is a fool); or who, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turns the other to be battered up in the same way; or who prays without ceasing; or who rejoices when persecuted; or who forgives an enemy four hundred and ninety times (70 times 7); or who manifests by his practical life that he loves his enemies (the way he loves him is to report him to the grand jury, or hand him over to the sheriff); or who forsakes houses and land, and everything, "for the kingdom of heaven's sake." No Christian professor lives up to these precepts, or any of them, or even tries to do so. To talk, therefore, of finding a practical Christian, while nearly the whole moral code of Christ is thus daily and habitually outraged and trampled under foot by all the churches and every one of the two hundred millions of Christian professors, is bitter irony and supreme solecism. We would go five hundred miles, or pay five hundred dollars, to see a Christian. If a man can be a Christian while openly and habitually violating every precept of Christ, then the word has no meaning. These precepts, the Christian world finding to be impossible to practice, have unanimously laid upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." They are the product of a mind with an ardent temperament, and the religious faculties developed to excess, and unrestrained by

christian

How many times the word 'christian' appears in the text?

(Luke ii. 49.) "The kingdom of heaven is not mine to give, but the Son's." (Matt. xx. 23.) "I am come in my Son's name, and ye receive me not" (John v. 43.) "God cried, Jesus, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Matt. xiii. 28.) "No man hath seen Jesus at any time." (1 John i. 5-) "Jesus created all things by his Son." (Eph. iii. 9.) "God sat down (in heaven) at the right hand of Jesus." (Luke xxii. 69.) "There is one Jesus, one mediator between Jesus and men." (Gal. iii. 20.) "Jesus gave his only begotten Father." (1 John iv. 9) "God knows not the hour, but Jesus does." (Mark viii. 32.) "God is the servant of Jesus." (Mark xii. 18.) "God is ordained by Jesus." (Acts xvii. 31.) "The head of God is Christ." (Eph. i. 3.) "We have an advocate with Jesus, God the righteous." (1 John ii. 1.) "Jesus gave all power to God." (Matt, xxviii. 18.) "God abode all night in prayer to Jesus." (Luke vi. 12.) "God came down from heaven to do the will of Jesus." (John vi. 38.) "Jesus has made the Father his high priest." (Heb. x. 24.) "Last of all, the Son sent the Father." (Matt. xxi. 39.) "Jesus will save the world by that God whom he hath ordained." "Jesus is God of the Father." (John xx. 17.) "Jesus hath exalted God, and given him a more excellent name." (Phil. ii. 9.) "Jesus hath made God a little lower than the angels." (Heb. ii. 9.) "God can do nothing except what he seeth Jesus do." (John v. 19.) Now, the question arises, Is the above representation a true one? Most certainly it must be, if Jesus and the Father are but one almighty Being. A change of names and titles cannot alter the truth nor the sense. To say that Chief Justice Chase has gone south; Secretary Chase has gone south; Governor Chase has gone south; Ex-Senator Chase has gone south, or Salmon P. Chase has gone south, are affirmations equally true and equally sensible, because they all have reference to the same being; the case is to plain to need argument. The above reversal of names and titles of Jesus and the Father may sound very unpleasant and rather grating to Christ-adoring Christians, simply because it is the transposition of the tides of two very scripturally dissimilar beings, instead of being, as generally taught by orthodox Christians, "one in essence, one in mind, one in body or being, and one in name," as the Rev. Mr. Barnes affirms. Most self-evidently false is his statement, based solely on scriptural ground. If Jesus is "very God," and there is but one God, then the foregoing transposition cannot mar the sense nor altar the truth of one text quoted. CHAPTER XLI. THE PRECEPTS AND PRACTICAL LIFE OF JESUS CHRIST; HIS TWO HUNDRED ERRORS THE exaltation of men to the character and homage of divine beings has always had the effect to draw a vail over their errors and imperfections, so as to render them imperceptible to those who worship them as Gods. This is true of nearly all the deified men of antiquity, who were adored as incarnate divinities, among which may be included the Christian's man-God, Jesus Christ. The practice of the followers of these Gods has been, when an error was pointed out in their teachings, brought to light by the progress of science and general intelligence, to bestow upon the text some new and unwarranted meaning, entirely incompatible with its literal reading, or else to insist with a godly zeal on the correctness of the sentiment inculcated by the text, and thus essay to make error pass for truth. In this way millions of the disciples of' these Gods have been misled and blinded, and made to believe by their religious teachers and their religious education, that everything taught by their assumed-to-be divine exemplars is perfect truth, in perfect harmony with science, sense, and true morals. Indeed, the perversion of the mind and judgment by a religious education has been in many cases carried to such an extreme as to cause their devout and prejudiced followers either to entirely overlook and ignore their erroneous teachings, or to magnify them into God-given truths, and thus, as before stated, clothe error with the livery of truth. This state of things, it has long been noticed by unprejudiced minds, exists amongst the millions of professed believers in the divinity of Jesus Christ. Hence the errors, both in his moral lessons and his practical life, have passed from age to age unnoticed, because his pious and awe-stricken followers, having been taught that he was a divine teacher, have assumed that his teachings must all be true; and hence, too, have instituted no scrutiny to determine their truth or falsity. But we will now proceed to show that the progress of' science and general intelligence has brought to light many errors, not only in his teachings, but in his practical life also. In enumerating them, we will arrange them under the head MORAL AND RELIGIOUS ERRORS. 1. The first moral precept in the teachings of Christ, which we will bring to notice, is one of a numerous class, which may very properly be arranged under the head of Moral Extremism. We find many of his admonitions of this character. Nearly everything that is said is oversaid, carried to extremes--thus constituting an overwrought, extravagant system of morality, impracticable in its requisitions; as, for example, "Take no thought for the morrow." (Matt, v.) If the spirit of this injunction were carried out in practical life, there would be no grain sown and no seed planted in spring, no reaping done in harvest, and no crop garnered in autumn; and the result would be universal starvation in less than twelve months. But, fortunately for society, the Christian world have laid this positive injunction upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." 2. Christ's assumed-to-be most important requisition is found in the injunction, "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all else shall be added unto you." (Matt. vi. 33.) His early followers understood by this injunction, and doubtless understood it correctly, that they were to spend their lives in religious devotion, and neglect the practical duties of life, leaving "Providence" to take care of their families--a course of life which reduced many of them to the point of starvation. 3. The disciple of Christ is required, "when smitten on one cheek," to turn the other also that is, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turn the other, to be smashed up in like manner. This is an extravagant requisition, which none of his modern disciples even attempt to observe. 4. "Resist not evil" (Matt. v. 34) breathes forth a kindred spirit. This injunction requires you to stand with your hands in your pocket while being maltreated so cruelly and unmercifully that the forfeiture of your life may be the consequence--at least Christ's early followers so understood it. 5. The disciple of Christ is required, when his cloak is formally wrested from him, to give up his coat also. (See Matt, v.) And to carry out the principle, if the marauder demands it, he must next give up his boots, then his shirt, and thus strip himself of all his garments, and go naked. This looks like an invitation and bribe to robbery. 6. "Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth." (Matt. vi. 19.) This is another positive command of Christ, which the modern Christian world, by common consent, have laid on the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement," under the conviction that the wants of their families and the exigencies of sickness and old age cannot be served if they should live up to such an injunction. 7. "Sell all that thou hast,... and come and follow me," is another command which bespeaks more piety than wisdom, as all who have attempted to comply with it have reduced their families to beggary and want. 8. "If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him." Then he must hate it, as there are but the two principles, and "from hate proceed envy, strife, evil surmisings, and persecution." Evidently the remedy in this case for "worldly-mindedness" is worse than the disease. 9. "He that cometh to me, and hateth not father, mother, brother, and sister, &c., cannot be my disciple." (Luke xiv. 26). This breathes forth the same spirit as the last text quoted above. Many learned expositions have been penned by Christian writers to make it appear, that hate in this case does not mean hate. But certainly it would be a slander upon infinite wisdom to leave it to be inferred that he could not say or "inspire" his disciples to say exactly what he meant, and to say it so plainly as to leave no possibility of being misunderstood, or leave any ground for dispute about the meaning. 10. "Rejoice and be exceeding glad" when persecuted. (Matt. v. 4.) Now, as a state of rejoicing is the highest condition of happiness that can be realized, such advice must naturally prompt the religious zealot to court persecution, in order to obtain complete happiness, and consequently to pursue a dare-devil life to provoke persecution. 11. "Whosoever shall seek to save his life, shall lose it," &c. (Luke xvii. 33.) Here is displayed the spirit of martyrdom which has made millions reckless of life, and goaded on the frenzied bigot to seek the fiery fagot and the halter. We regard it as another display of religious fanaticism. 12. "Ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake." (Matt. x. 12.) How repulsive must have been their doctrines or their conduct! No sensible religion could excite the universal hatred of mankind. For it would contain something adapted to the moral, religious, or spiritual taste of some class or portion of society, and hence make it and its disciples loved instead of hated. And then how could they be "hated of all men," when not one man in a thousand ever heard of them? Here is more of the extravagance of religious enthusiasm. 13. "Shake off the dust of your feet" against those who cannot see the truth or utility of your doctrines. (Matt. x. 14.) Here Christ encourages in his disciples a spirit of contempt for the opinions of others calculated to make them "hated." A proper regard for the rules of good-breeding would have forbidden such rudeness toward strangers for a mere honest difference of opinion. 14. "Take nothing for your journey, neither staff, nor scrip, nor purse" (Mark vi. 8); that is "sponge on your friends, and force yourselves on your enemies," the latter class of which seem to have been much the most numerous. A preacher who should attempt to carry out this advice at the present day would be stopped at the first toll-gate, and compelled to return. Here is more violation of the rules of good-breeding, and the common courtesies of civilized life. 15. "Go and teach all nations," &c. Why issue an injunction that could not possibly be carried out? It never has been, and never will be, executed, for three-fourths of the human race have never yet heard of Christianity. It was not, therefore, a mark of wisdom, or a superior mind, to issue such an injunction. 16. "And he that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned." What intolerance, bigotry, relentless cruelty, and ignorance of the science of mind are here displayed! No philosopher would give utterance to, or indorse such a sentiment. It assumes that belief is a creature of the will, and that a man can believe anything he chooses, which is wide of the truth. And the assumption has been followed by persecution, misery, and bloodshed. 17. "All things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Matt. xxi. 22.) Here is an entire negation of natural law in the necessity of physical labor as a means to procure the comforts of life. When anything is wanted in the shape of food or raiment, it is to be obtained, according to this text, by going down on your knees and asking God to bestow it. But no Christian ever realized "all things whatsoever asked for in prayer," thought "believing with all his heart" he should obtain it. The author knows, by his own practical experience, that this declaration is not true. This promise has been falsified thousands of times by thousands of praying Christians. 18. "Be not called rabbi." "Call no man your father." (Matt, xxiii.) The Christian world assume that much of what Christ taught is mere idle nonsense, or the incoherent utterings of a religious fanatic; for they pay no more practical attention to it than the barking of a dog. And here is one command treated in this manner: "Call no man father." Where is the Christian who refuses to call his earthly sire a father? 19. "Call no man master." (Matt, xxiii.) And yet mister, which is the same thing, is the most common title in Christendom. 20. He who enunciates the two words, "'Thou fool.' shall be in danger of hell fire." (Matt, xxii.) Mercy! Who, then, can be saved? For there is probably not a live Christian in the world who has not called somebody a "fool," when he knew him to be such, and could not with truthfulness be called anything else. Here, then, is another command universally ignored and "indefinitely postponed." 21. "Swear not at all, neither by heaven nor earth." (Matt, v.) And yet no Christian refuses to indulge in legal, if not profane, swearing which the text evidently forbids. 22. "Men ought always to pray." (Luke xviii.) No time to be allowed for eating or sleeping. More religious fanaticism. 23. "Whosoever will be chief among you let him be your servant" (Matt. xx. 27); that is, no Christian professor shall be a president, governor, major-general, deacon, or priest. Another command laid on the table. 24. "Love your enemies." (Matt. v. 44.) Then what kind of feeling should we cultivate toward friends? And how much did he love his enemies when he called them "fools," "liars," "hypocrites," "generation of vipers," &c.? And yet he is held up as "our" example in love, meekness, and forbearance. But no man ever did love an enemy. It is a moral impossibility, as much so as to love bitter or nauseating food. The advice of the Roman slave Syrus is indicative of more sense and wisdom--"Treat your enemy kindly, and thus make him a friend." 25. We are required to forgive an enemy four hundred and ninety times; that is, "seventy times seven." (Matt, vii.) Another outburst of religious enthusiasm; another proof of an overheated imagination. 26. "Be ye perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect." (Matt. v. 48.) Here is more of the religious extravagance of a mind uncultured by science. For it is self-evident that human beings can make no approximation to divine perfection. The distance between human imperfection and a perfect God is, and ever must be, infinite. 27. Christ commended those who "became eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake" (Matt. xix. 12)--a custom requiring a murderous, self-butchering process; destructive of the energies of life and the vigor of manhood, and rendering the subject weak, effeminate, and mopish, and unfit for the business of life. It is a low species of piety, and discloses a lamentable lack of a scientific knowledge of the true functions of the sexual organs on the part of Jesus. 28. Christ also encouraged his disciples to "pluck out the eye," and "cut off the hand," as a means of rendering it impossible to perpetrate evil with those members. And we would suggest, if such advice is consistent with sound reasoning, the head also should be cut off, as a means of more effectually carrying out the same principle. Such advice never came from the mouth of a philosopher. It is a part of Christ's system of extravagant piety. 29. He also taught the senseless, oriental tradition of "the unpardonable sin against the Holy Ghost"--a fabulous being who figured more anciently in the history of various countries. (See Chapter XXII.) No philosopher or man of science could harbor such childish misconceptions as are embodied in this tradition, which neither describes the being nor explains the nature of the sin. 30. We find many proofs, in Christ's Gospel history, that he believed in the ancient heathen tradition which taught that disease is caused by demons and evil spirits. (See Luke vii. 21, and viii. 2.) 31. Many cases are reported of his relieving the obsessed by casting out the diabolical intruders, in imitation of the oriental custom long in vogue in various countries, by which he evinced a profound ignorance of the natural causes of disease. 32. Christ also taught the old pagan superstition that "God is a God of anger," while modern science teaches that it would be as impossible for a God of perfect and infinite attributes to experience the feeling of anger as to commit suicide; and recent discoveries in physiology prove that anger is a species of suicide, and that it is also a species of insanity. Hence an angry God would be an insane God--an omnipotent lunatic, "ruling the kingdom of heaven," which would make heaven a lunatic asylum, and rather a dangerous place to live. 33. And Christ's injunction to "fear God" also implies that he is an angry being. (See Luke xxiii. 40.) But y past history proves that "the fear of God" has always been the great lever of priestcraft, and the most paltry and pitiful motive that ever moved the human mind. It has paralyzed the noblest intellects, crushed the elasticity of youth, and augmented the hesitating indecision of old age, and finally filled the world with cowardly, trembling slaves. No philosopher will either love or worship a God he fears. "The fear of the Lord" is a very ancient heathen superstition. 34. The inducement Christ holds out for leading a virtuous life by the promise of "Well done, thou good and faithful servant," bespeaks a childish ignorance of the nature of the human mind and the true science of life. It ranks with the promise of the nurse of sugar-plums to the boy if he would keep his garments unsoiled. (For the remainder of the two hundred errors of Christ, see Vol. II.) There are many other errors found in the precepts and practical life of Jesus Christ (which we are compelled to omit an exposition of here), such as his losing his temper, and abusing the money-changers by overthrowing their counting-table, and expelling them from the temple with a whip of cords when engaged in a lawful' and laudable business; his getting mad at and cursing the fig tree; his dooming Capernaum to hell in a fit of anger; his being deceived by two of his disciples (Peter and Judas), which prompted him to call them devils; his implied approval of David, with his fourteen crimes and penitentiary deeds, and also Abraham, with his falsehoods, polygamy, and incest, and his implied sanction of the Old Testament, with all its errors and numerous crimes; his promise to his twelve apostles to "sit upon the twelve thrones of Israel" in heaven, thus evincing a very limited and childish conception of the enjoyments of the future life; his puerile idea of sin, consisting in a personal affront to a personal God; his omission to say anything about human freedom, the inalienable rights of man, &c. THE SCIENTIFIC ERRORS OF CHRIST. That Jesus Christ was neither a natural or moral philosopher is evident from the following facts:-- 1. He never made any use of the word "philosophy." 2. Never gave utterance to the word "science." 3. Never spoke of a natural law, or assigned a natural cause for anything. The fact that he never made use of these words now so current in all civilized countries, is evidence that he was totally ignorant of these important branches of knowledge, the cultivation of which is now known to be essential to the progress of civilization. And yet it is claimed his religion has been a great lever in the advancement of civilization. But this is a mistake--a solemn mistake, as elsewhere shown. (See Chap. XLV.) 4. Everything to Christ was miracle; everything was produced and controlled by the arbitrary power of an angry or irascible God. He evidently had no idea of a ruling principle in nature or of the existence of natural law, as controlling any event he witnessed. Hence he set no bounds to anything, and recognized no limits to the possible. He believed God to be a supernatural personal being, who possessed unlimited power, and who ruled and controlled everything by his arbitrary will, without any law or any limitation to its exercises. Hence he told his disciples they would have anything they prayed for in faith; that by faith they could roll mountains into the sea, or bring to a halt the rolling billows of the mighty deep. He evidently believed that the forked lightning, the out-bursting earth-shaking thunder, and the roaring, heaving volcano were but pliant tools or obsequious servants to the man of faith. And he displays no less ignorance of the laws of mind than the laws of nature; thus proving him to have been neither a natural, moral, nor mental philosopher. He omitted to teach the great moral lessons learned by human experience, of which he was evidently totally ignorant. 5. He never taught that the practice of virtue contains its own reward. 6. That the question of right and wrong of any action is to be decided by its effect upon the individual, or upon society. 7. That no life can be displeasing to God which is useful to man. 8. And he omitted to teach the most important lesson that can engage the attention of man, viz.: that the great purpose of life is self-development. 9. That no person can attain or approximate to real happiness without bestowing a special attention to the cultivation and exercise of all the mental and physical faculties, so far as to keep them in a healthy condition. None of the important lessons above named are hinted at in his teachings, which, if punctually observed, would do more to advance the happiness of the human race than all the sermons Christ or Chrishna ever preached, or ever taught. 10. And then he taught many doctrines which are plainly contradicted by the established principle of modern science, such as,-- 11. Diseases being produced by demons, devils, or wicked spirits. (See Mark ix. 20.) Christ nowhere assigns a natural cause for disease, or a scientific explanation for its cure. 12. His rebuking a fever discloses a similar lack of scientific knowledge. ( See Luke iv. 39.) 13. His belief in a literal hell and a lake of fire and brimstone (see Matt, xviii. 8) is an ancient heathen superstition science knows nothing about, and has no use for. 14. His belief in a personal devil also (see Matt. xvii. 88), which is another oriental tradition, furnishes more sad proof of an utter want of scientific knowledge, as science has no place for and no use for such a being. 15. Christ taught the unphilosophical doctrine of repentance, as he declared he "came to call sinners to repentance" (Matt. ix. 13)--a mental process, which consists merely in a revival of early impressions, and often leads a person to condemn that which is right, as well as that which is wrong. (For proof, see Chapter XLIII.) 16. The doctrine of "forgiveness," which Christ so often inculcated, is also at variance with the teachings of science, as it can do nothing toward changing the nature of the act forgiven, or toward cancelling its previous effects upon society. Science teaches that every crime has its penalty attached to it, which no act of forgiveness, by God or man, can arrest or set aside. 17. But nothing evinces, perhaps, more clearly Christ's total lack of scientific knowledge than his holding a man responsible for his belief, and condemning for disbelief, as he does in numerous instances (see Mark xvi. 16), for a man could as easily control the circulation of the blood in his veins as control his belief. Science teaches that belief depends upon evidence, and without it, it is impossible to believe, and with it, it is impossible to disbelieve. How foolish and unphilosophical, therefore, to condemn for either belief or disbelief! 18. The numerous cases in which Christ speaks of the heart as being the seat of consciousness, instead of the brain, evinces a remarkable ignorance of the science of mental philosophy. He speaks of an "upright heart," "a pure heart," &'c., when "an upright liver," "a pure liver," would be as sensible, as the latter has as much to do with the character as the former. 19. And the many cases in which he makes it meritorious to have a right "faith," and places it above reason, and assumes it to be a voluntary act, shows his utter ignorance of the nature of the human mind. 20. And Christ evinced a remarkable ignorance of the cause of physical defects, when he told his hearers a certain man was born blind, in order that he might cure him. (Matt. vii. 22.) 21. And Christ's declaration, that those who marry are not worthy of being saved (see Luke xx. 34), shows that he was very ignorant of the nature of the sexual functions of the human system. 22. Nothing could more completely demonstrate a total ignorance of the grand science of astronomy than Christ's prediction of the stars falling to the earth. (See Luke xxi. 25.) 23. And the conflagration of the world, "the gathering of the elect," and the realization of a fancied millennium, which he several times predicted would take place in his time, "before this generation pass away" (Matt, xxiv. 34), proves a like ignorance, both of astronomy and philosophy. 24. And his cursing of the fig tree for not bearing fruit in the winter season (see Matt. xxi. 20), not only proves his ignorance of the laws of nature, but evinces a bad temper. 25. Christ indorses the truth of Noah's flood story (see Luke xvii. 27), which every person at the present day, versed in science and natural law, knows is mere fiction, and never took place. And numerous other errors, evincing the most profound ignorance of science and natural law, might be pointed out in Christ's teachings, if we had space for them. It has always been alleged by orthodox Christendom, that Christ's teaching and moral system are so faultless as to challenge criticism, and so perfect as to defy improvement. But this is a serious mistake. For most of his precepts and moral inculcations which are not directly at war with the principles of science, or do not involve a flagrant violation of the laws of nature, are, nevertheless, characterized by a lawless and extravagant mode of expression peculiar to semi-savage life, and which, as it renders it impossible to reduce them to practice, shows they could not have emanated from a philosopher, or man of science, or a man of evenly-balanced mind. They impose upon the world a system of morality, pushed to such extremes that its own professed admirers do not live it out, or even attempt to do so. They long ago abandoned it as an impracticable duty. We will prove this by enumerating most of its requisitions, and showing that they are daily violated and trampled under foot by all Christendom. Where can the Christian professor be found who, 1. "takes no thought for the morrow" or, 2. who "lays not up treasure on earth," or, at least, tries to do it; or, 3. who "gives up all his property to the poor;" or who, "when his cloak is wrested from him by a robber," gives up his coat also; or who calls no man master or mister (the most common title in Christendom); or who calls no man father (if he has a father); or who calls no man a fool (when he knows he is a fool); or who, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turns the other to be battered up in the same way; or who prays without ceasing; or who rejoices when persecuted; or who forgives an enemy four hundred and ninety times (70 times 7); or who manifests by his practical life that he loves his enemies (the way he loves him is to report him to the grand jury, or hand him over to the sheriff); or who forsakes houses and land, and everything, "for the kingdom of heaven's sake." No Christian professor lives up to these precepts, or any of them, or even tries to do so. To talk, therefore, of finding a practical Christian, while nearly the whole moral code of Christ is thus daily and habitually outraged and trampled under foot by all the churches and every one of the two hundred millions of Christian professors, is bitter irony and supreme solecism. We would go five hundred miles, or pay five hundred dollars, to see a Christian. If a man can be a Christian while openly and habitually violating every precept of Christ, then the word has no meaning. These precepts, the Christian world finding to be impossible to practice, have unanimously laid upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." They are the product of a mind with an ardent temperament, and the religious faculties developed to excess, and unrestrained by

teachings

How many times the word 'teachings' appears in the text?

(Luke ii. 49.) "The kingdom of heaven is not mine to give, but the Son's." (Matt. xx. 23.) "I am come in my Son's name, and ye receive me not" (John v. 43.) "God cried, Jesus, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Matt. xiii. 28.) "No man hath seen Jesus at any time." (1 John i. 5-) "Jesus created all things by his Son." (Eph. iii. 9.) "God sat down (in heaven) at the right hand of Jesus." (Luke xxii. 69.) "There is one Jesus, one mediator between Jesus and men." (Gal. iii. 20.) "Jesus gave his only begotten Father." (1 John iv. 9) "God knows not the hour, but Jesus does." (Mark viii. 32.) "God is the servant of Jesus." (Mark xii. 18.) "God is ordained by Jesus." (Acts xvii. 31.) "The head of God is Christ." (Eph. i. 3.) "We have an advocate with Jesus, God the righteous." (1 John ii. 1.) "Jesus gave all power to God." (Matt, xxviii. 18.) "God abode all night in prayer to Jesus." (Luke vi. 12.) "God came down from heaven to do the will of Jesus." (John vi. 38.) "Jesus has made the Father his high priest." (Heb. x. 24.) "Last of all, the Son sent the Father." (Matt. xxi. 39.) "Jesus will save the world by that God whom he hath ordained." "Jesus is God of the Father." (John xx. 17.) "Jesus hath exalted God, and given him a more excellent name." (Phil. ii. 9.) "Jesus hath made God a little lower than the angels." (Heb. ii. 9.) "God can do nothing except what he seeth Jesus do." (John v. 19.) Now, the question arises, Is the above representation a true one? Most certainly it must be, if Jesus and the Father are but one almighty Being. A change of names and titles cannot alter the truth nor the sense. To say that Chief Justice Chase has gone south; Secretary Chase has gone south; Governor Chase has gone south; Ex-Senator Chase has gone south, or Salmon P. Chase has gone south, are affirmations equally true and equally sensible, because they all have reference to the same being; the case is to plain to need argument. The above reversal of names and titles of Jesus and the Father may sound very unpleasant and rather grating to Christ-adoring Christians, simply because it is the transposition of the tides of two very scripturally dissimilar beings, instead of being, as generally taught by orthodox Christians, "one in essence, one in mind, one in body or being, and one in name," as the Rev. Mr. Barnes affirms. Most self-evidently false is his statement, based solely on scriptural ground. If Jesus is "very God," and there is but one God, then the foregoing transposition cannot mar the sense nor altar the truth of one text quoted. CHAPTER XLI. THE PRECEPTS AND PRACTICAL LIFE OF JESUS CHRIST; HIS TWO HUNDRED ERRORS THE exaltation of men to the character and homage of divine beings has always had the effect to draw a vail over their errors and imperfections, so as to render them imperceptible to those who worship them as Gods. This is true of nearly all the deified men of antiquity, who were adored as incarnate divinities, among which may be included the Christian's man-God, Jesus Christ. The practice of the followers of these Gods has been, when an error was pointed out in their teachings, brought to light by the progress of science and general intelligence, to bestow upon the text some new and unwarranted meaning, entirely incompatible with its literal reading, or else to insist with a godly zeal on the correctness of the sentiment inculcated by the text, and thus essay to make error pass for truth. In this way millions of the disciples of' these Gods have been misled and blinded, and made to believe by their religious teachers and their religious education, that everything taught by their assumed-to-be divine exemplars is perfect truth, in perfect harmony with science, sense, and true morals. Indeed, the perversion of the mind and judgment by a religious education has been in many cases carried to such an extreme as to cause their devout and prejudiced followers either to entirely overlook and ignore their erroneous teachings, or to magnify them into God-given truths, and thus, as before stated, clothe error with the livery of truth. This state of things, it has long been noticed by unprejudiced minds, exists amongst the millions of professed believers in the divinity of Jesus Christ. Hence the errors, both in his moral lessons and his practical life, have passed from age to age unnoticed, because his pious and awe-stricken followers, having been taught that he was a divine teacher, have assumed that his teachings must all be true; and hence, too, have instituted no scrutiny to determine their truth or falsity. But we will now proceed to show that the progress of' science and general intelligence has brought to light many errors, not only in his teachings, but in his practical life also. In enumerating them, we will arrange them under the head MORAL AND RELIGIOUS ERRORS. 1. The first moral precept in the teachings of Christ, which we will bring to notice, is one of a numerous class, which may very properly be arranged under the head of Moral Extremism. We find many of his admonitions of this character. Nearly everything that is said is oversaid, carried to extremes--thus constituting an overwrought, extravagant system of morality, impracticable in its requisitions; as, for example, "Take no thought for the morrow." (Matt, v.) If the spirit of this injunction were carried out in practical life, there would be no grain sown and no seed planted in spring, no reaping done in harvest, and no crop garnered in autumn; and the result would be universal starvation in less than twelve months. But, fortunately for society, the Christian world have laid this positive injunction upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." 2. Christ's assumed-to-be most important requisition is found in the injunction, "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all else shall be added unto you." (Matt. vi. 33.) His early followers understood by this injunction, and doubtless understood it correctly, that they were to spend their lives in religious devotion, and neglect the practical duties of life, leaving "Providence" to take care of their families--a course of life which reduced many of them to the point of starvation. 3. The disciple of Christ is required, "when smitten on one cheek," to turn the other also that is, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turn the other, to be smashed up in like manner. This is an extravagant requisition, which none of his modern disciples even attempt to observe. 4. "Resist not evil" (Matt. v. 34) breathes forth a kindred spirit. This injunction requires you to stand with your hands in your pocket while being maltreated so cruelly and unmercifully that the forfeiture of your life may be the consequence--at least Christ's early followers so understood it. 5. The disciple of Christ is required, when his cloak is formally wrested from him, to give up his coat also. (See Matt, v.) And to carry out the principle, if the marauder demands it, he must next give up his boots, then his shirt, and thus strip himself of all his garments, and go naked. This looks like an invitation and bribe to robbery. 6. "Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth." (Matt. vi. 19.) This is another positive command of Christ, which the modern Christian world, by common consent, have laid on the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement," under the conviction that the wants of their families and the exigencies of sickness and old age cannot be served if they should live up to such an injunction. 7. "Sell all that thou hast,... and come and follow me," is another command which bespeaks more piety than wisdom, as all who have attempted to comply with it have reduced their families to beggary and want. 8. "If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him." Then he must hate it, as there are but the two principles, and "from hate proceed envy, strife, evil surmisings, and persecution." Evidently the remedy in this case for "worldly-mindedness" is worse than the disease. 9. "He that cometh to me, and hateth not father, mother, brother, and sister, &c., cannot be my disciple." (Luke xiv. 26). This breathes forth the same spirit as the last text quoted above. Many learned expositions have been penned by Christian writers to make it appear, that hate in this case does not mean hate. But certainly it would be a slander upon infinite wisdom to leave it to be inferred that he could not say or "inspire" his disciples to say exactly what he meant, and to say it so plainly as to leave no possibility of being misunderstood, or leave any ground for dispute about the meaning. 10. "Rejoice and be exceeding glad" when persecuted. (Matt. v. 4.) Now, as a state of rejoicing is the highest condition of happiness that can be realized, such advice must naturally prompt the religious zealot to court persecution, in order to obtain complete happiness, and consequently to pursue a dare-devil life to provoke persecution. 11. "Whosoever shall seek to save his life, shall lose it," &c. (Luke xvii. 33.) Here is displayed the spirit of martyrdom which has made millions reckless of life, and goaded on the frenzied bigot to seek the fiery fagot and the halter. We regard it as another display of religious fanaticism. 12. "Ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake." (Matt. x. 12.) How repulsive must have been their doctrines or their conduct! No sensible religion could excite the universal hatred of mankind. For it would contain something adapted to the moral, religious, or spiritual taste of some class or portion of society, and hence make it and its disciples loved instead of hated. And then how could they be "hated of all men," when not one man in a thousand ever heard of them? Here is more of the extravagance of religious enthusiasm. 13. "Shake off the dust of your feet" against those who cannot see the truth or utility of your doctrines. (Matt. x. 14.) Here Christ encourages in his disciples a spirit of contempt for the opinions of others calculated to make them "hated." A proper regard for the rules of good-breeding would have forbidden such rudeness toward strangers for a mere honest difference of opinion. 14. "Take nothing for your journey, neither staff, nor scrip, nor purse" (Mark vi. 8); that is "sponge on your friends, and force yourselves on your enemies," the latter class of which seem to have been much the most numerous. A preacher who should attempt to carry out this advice at the present day would be stopped at the first toll-gate, and compelled to return. Here is more violation of the rules of good-breeding, and the common courtesies of civilized life. 15. "Go and teach all nations," &c. Why issue an injunction that could not possibly be carried out? It never has been, and never will be, executed, for three-fourths of the human race have never yet heard of Christianity. It was not, therefore, a mark of wisdom, or a superior mind, to issue such an injunction. 16. "And he that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned." What intolerance, bigotry, relentless cruelty, and ignorance of the science of mind are here displayed! No philosopher would give utterance to, or indorse such a sentiment. It assumes that belief is a creature of the will, and that a man can believe anything he chooses, which is wide of the truth. And the assumption has been followed by persecution, misery, and bloodshed. 17. "All things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Matt. xxi. 22.) Here is an entire negation of natural law in the necessity of physical labor as a means to procure the comforts of life. When anything is wanted in the shape of food or raiment, it is to be obtained, according to this text, by going down on your knees and asking God to bestow it. But no Christian ever realized "all things whatsoever asked for in prayer," thought "believing with all his heart" he should obtain it. The author knows, by his own practical experience, that this declaration is not true. This promise has been falsified thousands of times by thousands of praying Christians. 18. "Be not called rabbi." "Call no man your father." (Matt, xxiii.) The Christian world assume that much of what Christ taught is mere idle nonsense, or the incoherent utterings of a religious fanatic; for they pay no more practical attention to it than the barking of a dog. And here is one command treated in this manner: "Call no man father." Where is the Christian who refuses to call his earthly sire a father? 19. "Call no man master." (Matt, xxiii.) And yet mister, which is the same thing, is the most common title in Christendom. 20. He who enunciates the two words, "'Thou fool.' shall be in danger of hell fire." (Matt, xxii.) Mercy! Who, then, can be saved? For there is probably not a live Christian in the world who has not called somebody a "fool," when he knew him to be such, and could not with truthfulness be called anything else. Here, then, is another command universally ignored and "indefinitely postponed." 21. "Swear not at all, neither by heaven nor earth." (Matt, v.) And yet no Christian refuses to indulge in legal, if not profane, swearing which the text evidently forbids. 22. "Men ought always to pray." (Luke xviii.) No time to be allowed for eating or sleeping. More religious fanaticism. 23. "Whosoever will be chief among you let him be your servant" (Matt. xx. 27); that is, no Christian professor shall be a president, governor, major-general, deacon, or priest. Another command laid on the table. 24. "Love your enemies." (Matt. v. 44.) Then what kind of feeling should we cultivate toward friends? And how much did he love his enemies when he called them "fools," "liars," "hypocrites," "generation of vipers," &c.? And yet he is held up as "our" example in love, meekness, and forbearance. But no man ever did love an enemy. It is a moral impossibility, as much so as to love bitter or nauseating food. The advice of the Roman slave Syrus is indicative of more sense and wisdom--"Treat your enemy kindly, and thus make him a friend." 25. We are required to forgive an enemy four hundred and ninety times; that is, "seventy times seven." (Matt, vii.) Another outburst of religious enthusiasm; another proof of an overheated imagination. 26. "Be ye perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect." (Matt. v. 48.) Here is more of the religious extravagance of a mind uncultured by science. For it is self-evident that human beings can make no approximation to divine perfection. The distance between human imperfection and a perfect God is, and ever must be, infinite. 27. Christ commended those who "became eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake" (Matt. xix. 12)--a custom requiring a murderous, self-butchering process; destructive of the energies of life and the vigor of manhood, and rendering the subject weak, effeminate, and mopish, and unfit for the business of life. It is a low species of piety, and discloses a lamentable lack of a scientific knowledge of the true functions of the sexual organs on the part of Jesus. 28. Christ also encouraged his disciples to "pluck out the eye," and "cut off the hand," as a means of rendering it impossible to perpetrate evil with those members. And we would suggest, if such advice is consistent with sound reasoning, the head also should be cut off, as a means of more effectually carrying out the same principle. Such advice never came from the mouth of a philosopher. It is a part of Christ's system of extravagant piety. 29. He also taught the senseless, oriental tradition of "the unpardonable sin against the Holy Ghost"--a fabulous being who figured more anciently in the history of various countries. (See Chapter XXII.) No philosopher or man of science could harbor such childish misconceptions as are embodied in this tradition, which neither describes the being nor explains the nature of the sin. 30. We find many proofs, in Christ's Gospel history, that he believed in the ancient heathen tradition which taught that disease is caused by demons and evil spirits. (See Luke vii. 21, and viii. 2.) 31. Many cases are reported of his relieving the obsessed by casting out the diabolical intruders, in imitation of the oriental custom long in vogue in various countries, by which he evinced a profound ignorance of the natural causes of disease. 32. Christ also taught the old pagan superstition that "God is a God of anger," while modern science teaches that it would be as impossible for a God of perfect and infinite attributes to experience the feeling of anger as to commit suicide; and recent discoveries in physiology prove that anger is a species of suicide, and that it is also a species of insanity. Hence an angry God would be an insane God--an omnipotent lunatic, "ruling the kingdom of heaven," which would make heaven a lunatic asylum, and rather a dangerous place to live. 33. And Christ's injunction to "fear God" also implies that he is an angry being. (See Luke xxiii. 40.) But y past history proves that "the fear of God" has always been the great lever of priestcraft, and the most paltry and pitiful motive that ever moved the human mind. It has paralyzed the noblest intellects, crushed the elasticity of youth, and augmented the hesitating indecision of old age, and finally filled the world with cowardly, trembling slaves. No philosopher will either love or worship a God he fears. "The fear of the Lord" is a very ancient heathen superstition. 34. The inducement Christ holds out for leading a virtuous life by the promise of "Well done, thou good and faithful servant," bespeaks a childish ignorance of the nature of the human mind and the true science of life. It ranks with the promise of the nurse of sugar-plums to the boy if he would keep his garments unsoiled. (For the remainder of the two hundred errors of Christ, see Vol. II.) There are many other errors found in the precepts and practical life of Jesus Christ (which we are compelled to omit an exposition of here), such as his losing his temper, and abusing the money-changers by overthrowing their counting-table, and expelling them from the temple with a whip of cords when engaged in a lawful' and laudable business; his getting mad at and cursing the fig tree; his dooming Capernaum to hell in a fit of anger; his being deceived by two of his disciples (Peter and Judas), which prompted him to call them devils; his implied approval of David, with his fourteen crimes and penitentiary deeds, and also Abraham, with his falsehoods, polygamy, and incest, and his implied sanction of the Old Testament, with all its errors and numerous crimes; his promise to his twelve apostles to "sit upon the twelve thrones of Israel" in heaven, thus evincing a very limited and childish conception of the enjoyments of the future life; his puerile idea of sin, consisting in a personal affront to a personal God; his omission to say anything about human freedom, the inalienable rights of man, &c. THE SCIENTIFIC ERRORS OF CHRIST. That Jesus Christ was neither a natural or moral philosopher is evident from the following facts:-- 1. He never made any use of the word "philosophy." 2. Never gave utterance to the word "science." 3. Never spoke of a natural law, or assigned a natural cause for anything. The fact that he never made use of these words now so current in all civilized countries, is evidence that he was totally ignorant of these important branches of knowledge, the cultivation of which is now known to be essential to the progress of civilization. And yet it is claimed his religion has been a great lever in the advancement of civilization. But this is a mistake--a solemn mistake, as elsewhere shown. (See Chap. XLV.) 4. Everything to Christ was miracle; everything was produced and controlled by the arbitrary power of an angry or irascible God. He evidently had no idea of a ruling principle in nature or of the existence of natural law, as controlling any event he witnessed. Hence he set no bounds to anything, and recognized no limits to the possible. He believed God to be a supernatural personal being, who possessed unlimited power, and who ruled and controlled everything by his arbitrary will, without any law or any limitation to its exercises. Hence he told his disciples they would have anything they prayed for in faith; that by faith they could roll mountains into the sea, or bring to a halt the rolling billows of the mighty deep. He evidently believed that the forked lightning, the out-bursting earth-shaking thunder, and the roaring, heaving volcano were but pliant tools or obsequious servants to the man of faith. And he displays no less ignorance of the laws of mind than the laws of nature; thus proving him to have been neither a natural, moral, nor mental philosopher. He omitted to teach the great moral lessons learned by human experience, of which he was evidently totally ignorant. 5. He never taught that the practice of virtue contains its own reward. 6. That the question of right and wrong of any action is to be decided by its effect upon the individual, or upon society. 7. That no life can be displeasing to God which is useful to man. 8. And he omitted to teach the most important lesson that can engage the attention of man, viz.: that the great purpose of life is self-development. 9. That no person can attain or approximate to real happiness without bestowing a special attention to the cultivation and exercise of all the mental and physical faculties, so far as to keep them in a healthy condition. None of the important lessons above named are hinted at in his teachings, which, if punctually observed, would do more to advance the happiness of the human race than all the sermons Christ or Chrishna ever preached, or ever taught. 10. And then he taught many doctrines which are plainly contradicted by the established principle of modern science, such as,-- 11. Diseases being produced by demons, devils, or wicked spirits. (See Mark ix. 20.) Christ nowhere assigns a natural cause for disease, or a scientific explanation for its cure. 12. His rebuking a fever discloses a similar lack of scientific knowledge. ( See Luke iv. 39.) 13. His belief in a literal hell and a lake of fire and brimstone (see Matt, xviii. 8) is an ancient heathen superstition science knows nothing about, and has no use for. 14. His belief in a personal devil also (see Matt. xvii. 88), which is another oriental tradition, furnishes more sad proof of an utter want of scientific knowledge, as science has no place for and no use for such a being. 15. Christ taught the unphilosophical doctrine of repentance, as he declared he "came to call sinners to repentance" (Matt. ix. 13)--a mental process, which consists merely in a revival of early impressions, and often leads a person to condemn that which is right, as well as that which is wrong. (For proof, see Chapter XLIII.) 16. The doctrine of "forgiveness," which Christ so often inculcated, is also at variance with the teachings of science, as it can do nothing toward changing the nature of the act forgiven, or toward cancelling its previous effects upon society. Science teaches that every crime has its penalty attached to it, which no act of forgiveness, by God or man, can arrest or set aside. 17. But nothing evinces, perhaps, more clearly Christ's total lack of scientific knowledge than his holding a man responsible for his belief, and condemning for disbelief, as he does in numerous instances (see Mark xvi. 16), for a man could as easily control the circulation of the blood in his veins as control his belief. Science teaches that belief depends upon evidence, and without it, it is impossible to believe, and with it, it is impossible to disbelieve. How foolish and unphilosophical, therefore, to condemn for either belief or disbelief! 18. The numerous cases in which Christ speaks of the heart as being the seat of consciousness, instead of the brain, evinces a remarkable ignorance of the science of mental philosophy. He speaks of an "upright heart," "a pure heart," &'c., when "an upright liver," "a pure liver," would be as sensible, as the latter has as much to do with the character as the former. 19. And the many cases in which he makes it meritorious to have a right "faith," and places it above reason, and assumes it to be a voluntary act, shows his utter ignorance of the nature of the human mind. 20. And Christ evinced a remarkable ignorance of the cause of physical defects, when he told his hearers a certain man was born blind, in order that he might cure him. (Matt. vii. 22.) 21. And Christ's declaration, that those who marry are not worthy of being saved (see Luke xx. 34), shows that he was very ignorant of the nature of the sexual functions of the human system. 22. Nothing could more completely demonstrate a total ignorance of the grand science of astronomy than Christ's prediction of the stars falling to the earth. (See Luke xxi. 25.) 23. And the conflagration of the world, "the gathering of the elect," and the realization of a fancied millennium, which he several times predicted would take place in his time, "before this generation pass away" (Matt, xxiv. 34), proves a like ignorance, both of astronomy and philosophy. 24. And his cursing of the fig tree for not bearing fruit in the winter season (see Matt. xxi. 20), not only proves his ignorance of the laws of nature, but evinces a bad temper. 25. Christ indorses the truth of Noah's flood story (see Luke xvii. 27), which every person at the present day, versed in science and natural law, knows is mere fiction, and never took place. And numerous other errors, evincing the most profound ignorance of science and natural law, might be pointed out in Christ's teachings, if we had space for them. It has always been alleged by orthodox Christendom, that Christ's teaching and moral system are so faultless as to challenge criticism, and so perfect as to defy improvement. But this is a serious mistake. For most of his precepts and moral inculcations which are not directly at war with the principles of science, or do not involve a flagrant violation of the laws of nature, are, nevertheless, characterized by a lawless and extravagant mode of expression peculiar to semi-savage life, and which, as it renders it impossible to reduce them to practice, shows they could not have emanated from a philosopher, or man of science, or a man of evenly-balanced mind. They impose upon the world a system of morality, pushed to such extremes that its own professed admirers do not live it out, or even attempt to do so. They long ago abandoned it as an impracticable duty. We will prove this by enumerating most of its requisitions, and showing that they are daily violated and trampled under foot by all Christendom. Where can the Christian professor be found who, 1. "takes no thought for the morrow" or, 2. who "lays not up treasure on earth," or, at least, tries to do it; or, 3. who "gives up all his property to the poor;" or who, "when his cloak is wrested from him by a robber," gives up his coat also; or who calls no man master or mister (the most common title in Christendom); or who calls no man father (if he has a father); or who calls no man a fool (when he knows he is a fool); or who, when one cheek is pommeled into a jelly by some vile miscreant or drunken wretch, turns the other to be battered up in the same way; or who prays without ceasing; or who rejoices when persecuted; or who forgives an enemy four hundred and ninety times (70 times 7); or who manifests by his practical life that he loves his enemies (the way he loves him is to report him to the grand jury, or hand him over to the sheriff); or who forsakes houses and land, and everything, "for the kingdom of heaven's sake." No Christian professor lives up to these precepts, or any of them, or even tries to do so. To talk, therefore, of finding a practical Christian, while nearly the whole moral code of Christ is thus daily and habitually outraged and trampled under foot by all the churches and every one of the two hundred millions of Christian professors, is bitter irony and supreme solecism. We would go five hundred miles, or pay five hundred dollars, to see a Christian. If a man can be a Christian while openly and habitually violating every precept of Christ, then the word has no meaning. These precepts, the Christian world finding to be impossible to practice, have unanimously laid upon the table under the rule of "indefinite postponement." They are the product of a mind with an ardent temperament, and the religious faculties developed to excess, and unrestrained by

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How many times the word 'siva' appears in the text?

(O.S.) He don't look wise. As Norville turns to leave: VETERAN #2 (O.S.) How does she pull this out? She puts the back of her hand dramatically to her forehead. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) (disbelieving) She isn't! VETERAN #2 (O.S.) (thrilled) She is! And indeed she does: Faint dead away, falling backwards on the stool, so that Norville has no choice but to catch her. Norville holds her awkwardly, looking around for help. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) She's good, Bennie. VETERAN #2 (O.S.) She's damn good, Lou. A WAITRESS enters extreme f.g. to BLOCK OUR VIEW of the swooned woman and the embarrassed Norville. The Waitress is FACING the CAMERA and the two O.S. Veterans; the CROPPING gives us only her torso and the steaming pot of coffee she holds. WAITRESS (bored, nasal voice) Can I get you boys anything else? REVERSE ANGLE Back of the Waitress's torso in f.g.; on either side beyond her, the two Veterans are looking up at her O.S. face. They sport extremely bored expressions, topped by "cabbie" caps. VETERAN #1 Bromo. Beat. VETERAN #2 ...Bromo. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE Looking at its frosted-glass door; the sign painter is just finishing lettering in: NORVILLE BARNES, President. The sign painter makes way as we see Norville's shadow approaching; even from inside the room we can hear that he is WHEEZING HEAVILY. He is apparently carrying the girl, cradled in his arms. He tries to reach down to get the doorknob; can't manage it; turns to press his back against the door and get the knob with his other hand. The door opens as Norville swings around to enter. He is wheezing like a gas pipe about to explode. He swings around to kick the door shut. We see that the lettering on the door is now terribly smudged; we also see, in wet ink, on the seat of Norville's pants: senraB ellivroN tnediserP. Weakly, still cradled in Norville's arms: AMY I'm sorry we had to take the stairs. It was just that horrible little elevator boy... NORVILLE Not at all. You're light as a feather. AMY (pointing languorously) The couch, please. Still wheezing horribly, Norville staggers over to the couch and deposits her gently on it. He straightens up and looks at her. NORVILLE'S POV She is smiling wanly AT the CAMERA. The entire IMAGE PULSATES as the blood pounds behind Norville's eyeballs. We hear the LOUD, RASPING of his BREATH, resonating inside his head. Amy is talking but her voice is barely audible, as if coming from a long way away. BACK TO SCENE NORVILLE Just a minute. He perches drunkenly on the edge of the couch and puts his head between his knees, still fighting for breath. AMY I don't know what came over me. I suppose it was the shock of eating after so long without; the enzymes kicking in after so long, or whatever. But then you couldn't possibly know what it is to be tired and hungry... Speaking into his knees as he wheezes: NORVILLE Hungry, anyway. AMY I don't want to bore you with all the sordid details of my life; it's not a happy story... Norville rises and starts putting throw pillows behind her head. AMY ...Suffice it to say that I'm jobless -- though not for want of trying, that I'm friendless, with no one to -- thank you -- take care of me; and that had you not come along at just exactly the moment that you did -- She screams, staring down at the couch. Norville jumps, startled, then looks where she is looking. On the white sofa cushion where he had been sitting is printed, in wet ink, right side around: NORVILLE BARNES, President. AMY Norville, I didn't know you were president here! Norville stares dumbfounded at the sofa cushion. When the nickel finally drops, he spins around to try to look at the seat of his pants. Distracted but still modest: NORVILLE Oh, it's nothing really. Just determination and hard work... He unbuckles his trousers. NORVILLE ...Of course, when I started in the mailroom last Tuesday I thought it might take more time -- Buzz enters holding a brown paper bag. BUZZ Say, buddy, here's the whiskey you asked f -- He freezes, taking in the scene: Amy reclining on the couch; Norville standing in front of her with his pants around his ankles, still breathing heavily; the bottle of whiskey in his own hand. NORVILLE (flustered) Thank you, Buzz, just leave it on the desk. Leering: BUZZ Happy days, buddy... As he turns to leave: BUZZ ...and I'll tell your secretary you're not to be disturbed. Yowzuh!! He snaps the elastic strap under his chin. After the doors shut behind Buzz: AMY (shuddering) What a horrible little person. NORVILLE Oh, Buzz is pretty harmless, really -- AMY At any rate I arrived in town not ten days ago, full of dreams and aspirations, anxious to make my way in the world -- Norville pours a glass of whiskey and brings it over to her. AMY A little naive perhaps but -- thank you -- armed with determination, a solid work ethic, and an indomitable belief in the future -- NORVILLE I myself -- He crosses back to the desk. AMY Only to have that belief, that unsullied optimism, dashed against the marble and mortar of the modern work place -- Norville takes a cigarette from a large wood cigarette box on the desk and sticks it in his mouth. NORVILLE Cigarette? AMY No thank you. Seek and ye shall find, work and ye shall prosper -- these were the watch words of my education, the ethics of my tender years -- OVER NORVILLE'S SHOULDER He has been pushing the box towards her. The box tilts lazily forward and then disappears over the far lip of the desk. We hear the THUD of the BOX landing amid the pitter-patter of cigarettes raining onto the carpet. Amy's brow crinkles. Continuing: AMY -- these were the values that were instilled in me while I was growing up in a little town you've probably never heard of -- NORVILLE Mind if I join you? He is pouring himself a drink. AMY Be my guest. A little town you've probably -- He tosses back his drink, gags, looks at Amy with his eyes bulging. HIS POV Once again her IMAGE PULSATES. There is a ROARING SOUND and an AIRY STEAM WHISTLE as she silently moves her lips. NORVILLE He waves his arms and talks with a thick rasp as he staggers to his feet. NORVILLE Excuse me -- I -- executive washroom... He staggers out a side door. On his exit Amy leaps to her feet and scurries over to his desk. At the top of her voice: AMY Are you all right?... She throws open the top desk drawer. Inside two lonely lead pencils roll through the otherwise empty drawer. Amy expertly flips a cigarette into her mouth and strikes a match off the desktop. AMY ...Is it your lunch? The chicken a la king? From the washroom: NORVILLE (O.S.) No, I -- Amy throws open another drawer, empty except for an appointment book. As she hurriedly flips through page after blank page an arctic WIND WHISTLES emptiness. One page only has a notation: 11:45. Address Wilkie Grammar School Junior Achievers Club. AMY Is the a la king repeating on you? Amy shoves the appointment book back into the drawer. NORVILLE (O.S.) ...I'm fine, I... You were saying? She mutters: AMY Values... watchwords... uh, tender years... (aloud) -- A little town you've probably never heard of... She hastily stubs out her cigarette and waves her hand to disperse the smoke. AMY ...Muncie, Indiana. She scurries back across the room as we hear the FAUCET BEING TURNED OFF: she re-strikes her languid pose on the couch just as the washroom door opens. Norville gapes, one hand pressing a dripping rag to his forehead. NORVILLE You're from Muncie?! AMY Why yes, do you know it? Norville starts making pumping motions with his fists and loud syncopated grunting noises. Amy gapes at him. He starts singing, off-key: NORVILLE 'Fight on fight on dear old Muncie Fight on -- Hoist the gold and blue You'll be tattered, torn and hurtin' Once 'The Munce' is done with you!' Amy lamely fakes singing along, coming in louder on the last, obvious rhyme. Norville jumps an octave on it; she quickly follows sit, also pumping her fists. As Norville crosses his hands and locks thumbs in front of his nose to make bird wings of his extended fingers: NORVILLE ...Goooooooo Eagles! Amy awkwardly imitates. Norville excitedly sits behind his desk. NORVILLE ...A Muncie girl! Talk about the cat's pyjamas! Tell you what, Amy. I'm gonna cancel the rest of my appointments this afternoon and get you a job here at the Hud. AMY Oh, no, really, I -- NORVILLE Don't bother to thank me, it's the easiest thing in the world. Matter of fact, I know where a vacancy just came up. He hits the intercom. NORVILLE ...Mail room. To Amy: NORVILLE ...This'll only take a moment. INTERCOM (V.O.) Yeah? NORVILLE Good afternoon to ya, this is Norville Barnes -- INTERCOM (V.O.) Barnes! Where the hell have you been! And where's my voucher?! Norville thumps at his pockets. NORVILLE ...Well, I'm not sure where I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I need that voucher! I told you a week ago it was important! NORVILLE But look, I'm president of the company now and I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I don't care if you're president of the company! I need that voucher! Now! CLICK. The intercom goes dead. NORVILLE Oh, of all the foolish... Listen, do you take shorthand? Are you familiar with the mimeograph machine? AMY Of course -- I went to the Muncie, uh, Secretarial Polytechnic! Norville excitedly smacks a fist into a palm. NORVILLE -- A Muncie girl! Can you beat that! AMY Well, I just don't know how to thank you, Mr. Barnes -- NORVILLE Please! Norville! As he reaches to shake: NORVILLE ...It's my pleasure! She reaches for his hand but Norville snatches it away and, winking at her, hooks thumbs in front of his nose and makes wings of his fingers. NORVILLE ...Gooooooo Eagles! AMY likewise hooks her thumbs in front of her nose, makes wings, and, winking back: AMY Gooooooooo Eagles! But we PULL BACK to reveal that the girl is now in a newspaper office, demonstrating the fight sign to SMITTY, a reporter wearing a fedora with a bent-back brim. Smitty howls with laughter. SMITTY (wheezing) ...Once 'The Munce'... Holy... Amy sits down behind a typewriter and, as she starts typing at 80 words per minute: AMY And is this guy from chumpsville?! I pulled the old mother routine -- SMITTY Adenoids? AMY Lumbago. Behind her an ancient man wearing an inksman's visor and sleeve garters toils over a large checkerboarded surface over which he shuffles letter blocks and black spaces. Smitty gives a low whistle. SMITTY That gag's got whiskers on it! The PHONE RINGS and Smitty reaches for it. AMY I'm telling you, Smitty, the board of Hudsucker is up to something -- SMITTY (into phone) Yeah. ANCIENT PUZZLER Say, Amy, what's a six-letter word for an affliction of the hypothalmus? Without a break in her typing: AMY -- And it's a cinch -- Goiter -- it's a cinch this guy isn't in on it. How much time to make the Late Final? Smitty holds the phone away from his ear. SMITTY Chief. Still typing, Amy whistles and nods to her shoulder. Smitty tucks the phone into it as she continues typing. AMY Hiya, Chief, just the person I wanted to apologize to... Smitty is looking at his watch. SMITTY About seven minutes. AMY (still typing) Yeah, I was all wet about your idea man... Well, thanks for being so generous... It is human, and you are divine... No, he's no faker. He's the 100% real McCoy beware-of- imitations genuine article: the guy is a real moron -- To the Ancient Puzzler: AMY -- as in a five-letter word for imbecile -- Back into phone: AMY -- as pure a specimen as I've ever run across... Am I sure he's a nitwit? Heck, if working at the Argus doesn't make me an expert then my name isn't Amy Archer and I've never won the Pulitzer Prize... Her eyes narrow. AMY ...In 1957... My series on the reunited triplets -- come on down here, hammerhead, and I'll show it to ya... ANCIENT PUZZLER Amy, what's a three-letter word for a flightless bird? AMY Not now, Morris, I'm busy -- That's right, I said hammerhead, as in a ten-letter word for a smug bullying self-important newspaperman -- To Morris: AMY -- Gnu -- Into phone: AMY -- who couldn't find -- To Morris: AMY -- That's G-N-U -- Into phone: AMY -- couldn't find the Empire State Building with a compass, a road map and a native guide. To Morris: AMY -- or emu. She slams down the phone. To Smitty: AMY ...And that's just the potatoes, Smitty, here comes the gravy: The chump really likes me. A Muncie girl! Smitty bursts out laughing. SMITTY Better off falling for a rattlesnake. As she continues to type: AMY I'm tellin' ya, this guy's just the patsy and I'm gonna find out what for. There's a real story, Smitty, some kind of plot, a setup, a cabal, a -- oh, and say, did I tell ya?! SMITTY He didn't offer you money. AMY A sawbuck! SMITTY Ten dollars? Let's grab a highball! AMY On Norville Barnes! She rips the page out of the typewriter, swivels in her chair to FACE CAMERA as we TRACK IN CLOSE and she hollers: AMY ...Copy! DISSOLVE THROUGH TO: PRESSES rolling, churning out great quantities of newsprint. Papers piling up one on top of the other, very many, very quickly. DELIVERY MAN throwing a baled stack of papers off the back of his truck. BALED PAPER rolling into the f.g. A hand ENTERS FRAME to snip its wires and wipe off the top paper. PAPER BOY wearing an apron and a little paper boy cap, mouthing "Extra! Extra!" as he holds one of the papers aloft. PAN UP his arm TO the newspaper and, BEYOND it, the towering Hudsucker Building. All of the above -- DISSOLVING WITH: NEWSPAPER spinning TOWARDS the CAMERA and STOPPING FULL FRAME. Its headline, over a picture of Norville smiling, is "IMBECILE HEADS HUDSUCKER." The subheadline: "Not a Brain in his Head." ANOTHER ANGLE - NEWSPAPER is angrily slammed down to reveal that Norville has been reading the inside. His face twisting with fury, he leans forward and hits the intercom. NORVILLE Miss Smith, can you come in please to take a letter... Muttering to himself: NORVILLE ...of all the cockamamie... Amy is bustling in holding a steno pad and a pencil. As she seats herself in front of his desk, he rises to pace behind it. NORVILLE ...Did you happen to see the front page of today's Manhattan Argus? AMY Well, I... didn't bother to read the article. I didn't think the picture did you justice. NORVILLE The picture was fine! It's what that knuckle-headed dame wrote underneath! Of all the irresponsible... Amy, take this down: Dear Miss Archer. I call you 'Miss' because you seem to have 'missed' the boat completely on this one! How on earth would you know whether I'm an imbecile when you don't even have the guts to come in here and interview me man to man! No, change 'guts' to 'courage.' No, make it 'common decency.' These wild speculations about my intelligence -- AMY -- or lack thereof? NORVILLE (nodding) -- these preposterous inventions, would be better suited to the pages of Amazing Tales Magazine. If the editors of the Manhattan Argus see fit to publish the rantings of a disordered mind, perhaps they will see fit to publish this letter! But I doubt it. I most seriously doubt it. As I doubt also that you could find a home at Amazing Tales, a periodical which I have enjoyed for many years. Yours sincerely, et cetera. He drifts into thought. AMY Is that all, Mr. Barnes? NORVILLE ...Well, you know me, Amy, at least better than that that dame does. Do you think I'm an imbecile? AMY I'm sure I -- NORVILLE Go on, tell the truth; I trust you and I put a lot of stock in your opinion. AMY Well, I -- NORVILLE Oh sure, you're biased -- you're a fellow Muncian. But would an imbecile come up with this? He whips the cover sheet off a display pad resting on an easel to reveal a large piece of graph paper with a circle rendered onto it. Amy looks, puzzled, from the circle to Norville's proudly beaming face. NORVILLE ...I designed it myself and this is just the sweet baby that can put Hudsucker right back on top. Amy is bewildered. Norville explains: NORVILLE ...You know! For kids! AMY ...Why don't I just type this up... NORVILLE Aww, naw, Amy, that won't be necessary. I shouldn't send it; she's just doing her job, I guess. AMY Well, I don't know; maybe she does deserve it. Maybe she should've come in to face you man to man. NORVILLE Well, she probably had a deadline... AMY Sure, but -- she could still have gotten your side for the record! NORVILLE Well, it's done now -- what's the use of grousing about it. Forget the letter, Amy, I just had to blow off some steam... She gets up to leave, and is heading for the door when Norville adds: NORVILLE ...She's probably just a little confused. Amy turns at the door. AMY Confused? NORVILLE Yeah, you know, probably one of these fast-talking career gals, thinks she's one of the boys. Probably is one of the boys, if you know what I mean. AMY (through clenched teeth) I'm quite sure I don't know what you mean. NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Suffers from one of these complexes they have nowadays. Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it? She's probably very unattractive and bitter about it. AMY Oh, is that it! NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Probably dresses in men's clothing, swaps drinks with the guys at the local watering hole, and hobnobs with some smooth talking heel in the newsroom named Biff or Smoocher or... AMY Smitty. NORVILLE Exactly. And I bet she's ugly. Real ugly. Otherwise, why wouldn't they print her picture next to her byline? AMY Maybe she puts her work ahead of her personal appearance. NORVILLE I bet that's exactly what she tells herself! But you and I both know she's just a dried-up bitter old maid. Say, how about you and I grab a little dinner and a show after work? I was thinking maybe The King and I -- Whap! Amy slaps him. He stares. NORVILLE ...How about Oklahoma? As she stalks out of the office: AMY Norville Barnes, you don't know a thing about that woman! You don't know who she really is! And only a numbskull thinks he knows things about things he knows nothing about! He stares, rubbing his cheek. NORVILLE Say, what gives? WHISTLE SHRIEKING. SWISH PAN TO: CLOCK Reading five o'clock. SWISH PAN TO: WORKERS Rising from their desks, collecting personal effects, putting on their hats and coats. TIME CLOCK Busy hands punch out. INT. EMPTY HALLWAY Of the executive floor. A security man walks down the hall, whistling, swinging a ring of keys. After he passes the door to the ladies' room it opens, Amy peeks out, emerges, goes into Norville's office. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE She goes to the desk, takes out the appointment book, flips through it. BOOK Still empty except for the one date with the Wilkie Grammer School Junior Achievers Club, which now has a red line drawn across it with the notation CANCELED. AMY looks around the office -- notices something. DOOR Set into the wall to one side it is topped by a small plaque: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. Amy tries the knob, which turns, and enters. INT. ROOM It is big and dim, several stories high, with spiral staircases reaching into, and catwalks criss-crossing, the gloom above. It is filled with contraptions -- works, cogs, gears. There is no window, but on what would be the window wall there is an enormous iron ring with a metal rod sweeping an interior circle. It is the backside of the great Hudsucker clock. Amy gazes about. She crosses to a door opposite the one she entered from. She stoops to peek through its keyhole. HER POV We are LOOKING INTO Sidney J. Mussburger's office. Mussburger sits at his desk barking into a Dictaphone. CLICK-CLICK-CLICK -- the PERPETUAL MOTION BALLS on his desk are going full-tilt; THRUMMMMMMM -- the CLOCK'S exterior second hand sweeps a shadow across the office. Mussburger, it seems, never sleeps. MUSSBURGER Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A49. To: Director of the Jacksonville Facility. Copies to: Legal Affairs, Business Affairs, Central Files. Re: Movement of Raw Materials from the Huron Facility. Due to unfavorable news in the slag markets, Jacksonville inventory must be reduced by 15 percent with overflow diverted to the Waukegan Stamping Facility. Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A50. To: Director of -- BACK TO SCENE VOICE (O.S.) Watchoo doin' down they, Miss Archuh? AMY Huh?! She straightens and turns. Facing her is a very old BLACK MAN in a janitor's jumpsuit with HUDSUCKER INDUSTRIES/The Future Is Now emblazoned across it. We might recognize his voice as that of the narrator who opened the movie. AMY Who are you? How did you know who I am? MOSES (BLACK MAN) Ah guess ole Moses knows jes about ever'thing, leastways if it concerns Hudsuckuh. AMY But -- who are you -- what d'you do here? MOSES Ah keeps the ol' circle turning -- this ol' clock needs plenty o' care. Time is money, Miss Archuh, and money -- it drives that ol' global economy and keeps big Daddy Earth a-spinnin' on 'roun'. Ya see, without that capital fo'mation -- AMY Yeah, yeah. Say, you won't tell anyone about me, will you? MOSES I don't tell no one nothin' lessen they ask. Thatches ain't ole Moses' way. AMY So if you know everything about Hudsucker, tell me why the Board decided to make Norville Barnes president. MOSES Well, that even surprised ole Moses at fust. I didn't think the Board was that smart. AMY That smart?! MOSES But then I figured it out: they did it 'cause they figured young Norville for an imbecile. Like some othuh people ah know. AMY Why on earth would they want a nitwit to be president? MOSES 'Cause they's little pigglies! They's tryin' to inspire panic, make that stock git cheap so's they can snitch it all up fo' themselves! But Norville, he's got some tricks up his sleeve, he does... He draws a circle with his finger in the air. MOSES ...you know, fo' kids? Yeah, he's a smart one, that Norville, heh-heh, he's a caution. Wal, some folks is square, an' some is hip -- To punctuate, he gives a little jerk of his hips. MOSES ...But I guess you don't really know him any better than that board does, do ya, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, maybe I -- MOSES An' only some kind a knucklehead thinks she knows things 'bout things she, uh -- when she don't, uh -- How'd that go? AMY (bristling) It's hardly the same -- MOSES Why you don't even know y'own self -- you ain't exactly the genuine article are you, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, in connection with my job, sometimes I have to go undercover as it were -- MOSES I don't mean that! Why you pretendin' to be such a hard ol' sourpuss! Ain't never gonna make you happy! Never made Warin' happy. AMY (uncomfortably) I'm happy enough. MOSES (chuckles) Okay, Miss Archuh. (turns and walks away) ...I got gears to see to. AMY (calls after him) I'm plenty happy! She is answered only by WHIRRING MACHINERY. MOSES Elsewhere in the great room, he is hunkered down next to a catchment which he buffs with a greasy rag. Amy's VOICE ECHOES UP: AMY (O.S.) ...Hello? MOSES (muttering to himself) Them po' young folks. Looks like Norville's in fo' the same kind o' heartache ol' Warin' had. But then, she never axed me 'bout dat... As OMINOUS MUSIC SWELLS, we -- FADE OUT: FADE IN: INT. CHIEF'S OFFICE He slams down a typescript. CHIEF I can't print this! AMY Why not, it's all true! The board is using this poor guy! They're depressing the stock so they can buy it cheap! CHIEF It's pure speculation! Why, they'd have my butt in a satchel! SMITTY (chuckling) Ol' satchel-butt... AMY I know they're gonna buy that stock -- CHIEF You don't know anything! Fact is they haven't bought it! The stock is cheap, Archer! What're they waiting for? AMY I don't know... SMITTY Amy's hunches are usually pretty good, Chief. CHIEF You don't accuse someone of stock manipulation on a hunch, Ignatz! The readers of the Manhattan Argus aren't interested in sensationalism, gossip and unsupported speculation. Facts, figures -- those are the tools of the newspaper trade! Why it's almost as if you're trying to take the heat off this Barnes numbskull -- like you've gone all soft on him! SMITTY Come on, Chief, that's a low blow. Archer's not gonna go goey for a corn-fed idiot. CHIEF All right, I was out of line. But you're out of line with this stock swindle story. Gimme some more of that Moron-from-Sheboygan stuff -- AMY Muncie. CHIEF Whatever. That's what sells newspapers. AMY I've got an even hotter story -- The Sap from the City Desk. CHIEF Watch it, Archer -- AMY It's about a dimwitted editor who -- SMITTY Easy, Amy... He gives her a companionable goose. SMITTY ...Let's grab a highball and calm down. She whirls and slaps him. AMY Back off -- smoocher! Smitty rubs his cheek, staring as she storms off. SMITTY (angry) Say, what gives? ENGRAVED INVITATION IT READS: Sidney J. Mussburger President Norville Barnes and The Board of Hudsucker Industries CORDIALLY INVITE YOU TO The Annual Fancy-Dress Hudsucker Christmas Gala Music, Dancing, Refreshments (Dainties) Formal Evening Attire de Rigeuer. The MUSIC OVER the invitation -- "WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS" -- SEGUES INTO the dance music of the Hudsucker Chamber Orchestra. DANCING COUPLES FILL the SCREEN; we GLIDE AMONG them and FINALLY COME to follow one couple: Norville and MRS. MUSSBURGER, a large middle-aged woman of the Margaret Dumont-mold in an elaborately flowered and old-fashioned evening gown, low-cut in spite of her overly-heavy figure. She wears a large flowered hat with a rolled-up veil. MRS. MUSSBURGER -- So we'd gone out to the Hamptons and the garden was in positive ruins! NORVILLE That must have been quite a disappointment, Mrs. Mussburger. MRS. MUSSBURGER Disappointment? J'etais destroyee! I was in bed for a week! Positively sick with fury! I called in the gardener and said, 'Monsieur Gonzalez, either those azaleas come up next spring or you are terminee! She throws her head back and roars with laughter. ANGLE - THEIR FEET As the large woman leans back to laugh, her feet stay planted on the ground and Norville's rise to be dragged with his toes scraping the floor through the continuing dance. MRS. MUSSBURGER I'm brushing up on my French with the most charming man, Pierre of Fifth Avenue. Do you know him? NORVILLE I haven't had -- MRS. MUSSBURGER Sidney and I are planning a trip to Paris and points continental -- Aren't we, dear? Mussburger has ENTERED FRAME. MUSSBURGER Sure, sure. I'm going to borrow Norville for a while, if you don't mind, dear. MIXING DOWN as they leave her: MRS. MUSSBURGER Well, frankly, I... NORVILLE You have a charming wife, Mr. Muss -- uh, Sid. MUSSBURGER So they tell me. Norville, let me shepherd you through some of the introductions here. Try not to talk too much; some of our biggest stockholders are, uh -- scratch that: Say whatever you want. ENTRYWAY As Amy enters in a simple yet stunning evening gown. She looks around the room, then starts across the crowded floor towards the punch bowl. NORVILLE As Mussburger introduces him to a tall, imposing BUSINESSMAN in a tuxedo and a ten-gallon hat. MUSSBURGER Norville Barnes, allow me to introduce Mr. Zebulon Cardozo, one of Hudsucker Industries largest and most loyal stockholders. Ignoring Norville's proffered hand: CARDOZO (BUSINESSMAN) Dammit boy, what's this I hear about you bein' an embecile? What the hell is ailin' ya?! A week ago my stock was worth twice what it is now! I'm considering dumping the whole shootin' match, unless I see some vast improvement! Dammit, boy, It's a range war! Either you pull our wagons into a circle or I'm pullin' out of the wagon train! Norville gives him a forced but hearty laugh of reassurance. NORVILLE No need for concern, sir; it's only natural in a period of transition for the more timid element to run for cover -- CARDOZO So I'm yella, am I?!! He starts peeling off his tuxedo jacket: CARDOZO ...We'll see who's yella!! His WIFE, a small wiry woman, steps in as Mussburger starts dragging Norville away. MRS. CARDOZO Zebulon, you mind now and quit bein' sech an ole grizzly. As he reluctantly starts shrugging back into the jacket: CARDOZO Aww, I wasn't gonna hurt the boy, Lorelei... MUSSBURGER AND NORVILLE As they make their way through the room Norville is mopping at his brow with a handkerchief. NORVILLE I'm sorry, Sid, I thought maybe if I showed him the long view we might -- Thump! Dabbing at his brow, Norville has walked square into the back of a debonaire man

currently

How many times the word 'currently' appears in the text?

(O.S.) He don't look wise. As Norville turns to leave: VETERAN #2 (O.S.) How does she pull this out? She puts the back of her hand dramatically to her forehead. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) (disbelieving) She isn't! VETERAN #2 (O.S.) (thrilled) She is! And indeed she does: Faint dead away, falling backwards on the stool, so that Norville has no choice but to catch her. Norville holds her awkwardly, looking around for help. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) She's good, Bennie. VETERAN #2 (O.S.) She's damn good, Lou. A WAITRESS enters extreme f.g. to BLOCK OUR VIEW of the swooned woman and the embarrassed Norville. The Waitress is FACING the CAMERA and the two O.S. Veterans; the CROPPING gives us only her torso and the steaming pot of coffee she holds. WAITRESS (bored, nasal voice) Can I get you boys anything else? REVERSE ANGLE Back of the Waitress's torso in f.g.; on either side beyond her, the two Veterans are looking up at her O.S. face. They sport extremely bored expressions, topped by "cabbie" caps. VETERAN #1 Bromo. Beat. VETERAN #2 ...Bromo. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE Looking at its frosted-glass door; the sign painter is just finishing lettering in: NORVILLE BARNES, President. The sign painter makes way as we see Norville's shadow approaching; even from inside the room we can hear that he is WHEEZING HEAVILY. He is apparently carrying the girl, cradled in his arms. He tries to reach down to get the doorknob; can't manage it; turns to press his back against the door and get the knob with his other hand. The door opens as Norville swings around to enter. He is wheezing like a gas pipe about to explode. He swings around to kick the door shut. We see that the lettering on the door is now terribly smudged; we also see, in wet ink, on the seat of Norville's pants: senraB ellivroN tnediserP. Weakly, still cradled in Norville's arms: AMY I'm sorry we had to take the stairs. It was just that horrible little elevator boy... NORVILLE Not at all. You're light as a feather. AMY (pointing languorously) The couch, please. Still wheezing horribly, Norville staggers over to the couch and deposits her gently on it. He straightens up and looks at her. NORVILLE'S POV She is smiling wanly AT the CAMERA. The entire IMAGE PULSATES as the blood pounds behind Norville's eyeballs. We hear the LOUD, RASPING of his BREATH, resonating inside his head. Amy is talking but her voice is barely audible, as if coming from a long way away. BACK TO SCENE NORVILLE Just a minute. He perches drunkenly on the edge of the couch and puts his head between his knees, still fighting for breath. AMY I don't know what came over me. I suppose it was the shock of eating after so long without; the enzymes kicking in after so long, or whatever. But then you couldn't possibly know what it is to be tired and hungry... Speaking into his knees as he wheezes: NORVILLE Hungry, anyway. AMY I don't want to bore you with all the sordid details of my life; it's not a happy story... Norville rises and starts putting throw pillows behind her head. AMY ...Suffice it to say that I'm jobless -- though not for want of trying, that I'm friendless, with no one to -- thank you -- take care of me; and that had you not come along at just exactly the moment that you did -- She screams, staring down at the couch. Norville jumps, startled, then looks where she is looking. On the white sofa cushion where he had been sitting is printed, in wet ink, right side around: NORVILLE BARNES, President. AMY Norville, I didn't know you were president here! Norville stares dumbfounded at the sofa cushion. When the nickel finally drops, he spins around to try to look at the seat of his pants. Distracted but still modest: NORVILLE Oh, it's nothing really. Just determination and hard work... He unbuckles his trousers. NORVILLE ...Of course, when I started in the mailroom last Tuesday I thought it might take more time -- Buzz enters holding a brown paper bag. BUZZ Say, buddy, here's the whiskey you asked f -- He freezes, taking in the scene: Amy reclining on the couch; Norville standing in front of her with his pants around his ankles, still breathing heavily; the bottle of whiskey in his own hand. NORVILLE (flustered) Thank you, Buzz, just leave it on the desk. Leering: BUZZ Happy days, buddy... As he turns to leave: BUZZ ...and I'll tell your secretary you're not to be disturbed. Yowzuh!! He snaps the elastic strap under his chin. After the doors shut behind Buzz: AMY (shuddering) What a horrible little person. NORVILLE Oh, Buzz is pretty harmless, really -- AMY At any rate I arrived in town not ten days ago, full of dreams and aspirations, anxious to make my way in the world -- Norville pours a glass of whiskey and brings it over to her. AMY A little naive perhaps but -- thank you -- armed with determination, a solid work ethic, and an indomitable belief in the future -- NORVILLE I myself -- He crosses back to the desk. AMY Only to have that belief, that unsullied optimism, dashed against the marble and mortar of the modern work place -- Norville takes a cigarette from a large wood cigarette box on the desk and sticks it in his mouth. NORVILLE Cigarette? AMY No thank you. Seek and ye shall find, work and ye shall prosper -- these were the watch words of my education, the ethics of my tender years -- OVER NORVILLE'S SHOULDER He has been pushing the box towards her. The box tilts lazily forward and then disappears over the far lip of the desk. We hear the THUD of the BOX landing amid the pitter-patter of cigarettes raining onto the carpet. Amy's brow crinkles. Continuing: AMY -- these were the values that were instilled in me while I was growing up in a little town you've probably never heard of -- NORVILLE Mind if I join you? He is pouring himself a drink. AMY Be my guest. A little town you've probably -- He tosses back his drink, gags, looks at Amy with his eyes bulging. HIS POV Once again her IMAGE PULSATES. There is a ROARING SOUND and an AIRY STEAM WHISTLE as she silently moves her lips. NORVILLE He waves his arms and talks with a thick rasp as he staggers to his feet. NORVILLE Excuse me -- I -- executive washroom... He staggers out a side door. On his exit Amy leaps to her feet and scurries over to his desk. At the top of her voice: AMY Are you all right?... She throws open the top desk drawer. Inside two lonely lead pencils roll through the otherwise empty drawer. Amy expertly flips a cigarette into her mouth and strikes a match off the desktop. AMY ...Is it your lunch? The chicken a la king? From the washroom: NORVILLE (O.S.) No, I -- Amy throws open another drawer, empty except for an appointment book. As she hurriedly flips through page after blank page an arctic WIND WHISTLES emptiness. One page only has a notation: 11:45. Address Wilkie Grammar School Junior Achievers Club. AMY Is the a la king repeating on you? Amy shoves the appointment book back into the drawer. NORVILLE (O.S.) ...I'm fine, I... You were saying? She mutters: AMY Values... watchwords... uh, tender years... (aloud) -- A little town you've probably never heard of... She hastily stubs out her cigarette and waves her hand to disperse the smoke. AMY ...Muncie, Indiana. She scurries back across the room as we hear the FAUCET BEING TURNED OFF: she re-strikes her languid pose on the couch just as the washroom door opens. Norville gapes, one hand pressing a dripping rag to his forehead. NORVILLE You're from Muncie?! AMY Why yes, do you know it? Norville starts making pumping motions with his fists and loud syncopated grunting noises. Amy gapes at him. He starts singing, off-key: NORVILLE 'Fight on fight on dear old Muncie Fight on -- Hoist the gold and blue You'll be tattered, torn and hurtin' Once 'The Munce' is done with you!' Amy lamely fakes singing along, coming in louder on the last, obvious rhyme. Norville jumps an octave on it; she quickly follows sit, also pumping her fists. As Norville crosses his hands and locks thumbs in front of his nose to make bird wings of his extended fingers: NORVILLE ...Goooooooo Eagles! Amy awkwardly imitates. Norville excitedly sits behind his desk. NORVILLE ...A Muncie girl! Talk about the cat's pyjamas! Tell you what, Amy. I'm gonna cancel the rest of my appointments this afternoon and get you a job here at the Hud. AMY Oh, no, really, I -- NORVILLE Don't bother to thank me, it's the easiest thing in the world. Matter of fact, I know where a vacancy just came up. He hits the intercom. NORVILLE ...Mail room. To Amy: NORVILLE ...This'll only take a moment. INTERCOM (V.O.) Yeah? NORVILLE Good afternoon to ya, this is Norville Barnes -- INTERCOM (V.O.) Barnes! Where the hell have you been! And where's my voucher?! Norville thumps at his pockets. NORVILLE ...Well, I'm not sure where I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I need that voucher! I told you a week ago it was important! NORVILLE But look, I'm president of the company now and I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I don't care if you're president of the company! I need that voucher! Now! CLICK. The intercom goes dead. NORVILLE Oh, of all the foolish... Listen, do you take shorthand? Are you familiar with the mimeograph machine? AMY Of course -- I went to the Muncie, uh, Secretarial Polytechnic! Norville excitedly smacks a fist into a palm. NORVILLE -- A Muncie girl! Can you beat that! AMY Well, I just don't know how to thank you, Mr. Barnes -- NORVILLE Please! Norville! As he reaches to shake: NORVILLE ...It's my pleasure! She reaches for his hand but Norville snatches it away and, winking at her, hooks thumbs in front of his nose and makes wings of his fingers. NORVILLE ...Gooooooo Eagles! AMY likewise hooks her thumbs in front of her nose, makes wings, and, winking back: AMY Gooooooooo Eagles! But we PULL BACK to reveal that the girl is now in a newspaper office, demonstrating the fight sign to SMITTY, a reporter wearing a fedora with a bent-back brim. Smitty howls with laughter. SMITTY (wheezing) ...Once 'The Munce'... Holy... Amy sits down behind a typewriter and, as she starts typing at 80 words per minute: AMY And is this guy from chumpsville?! I pulled the old mother routine -- SMITTY Adenoids? AMY Lumbago. Behind her an ancient man wearing an inksman's visor and sleeve garters toils over a large checkerboarded surface over which he shuffles letter blocks and black spaces. Smitty gives a low whistle. SMITTY That gag's got whiskers on it! The PHONE RINGS and Smitty reaches for it. AMY I'm telling you, Smitty, the board of Hudsucker is up to something -- SMITTY (into phone) Yeah. ANCIENT PUZZLER Say, Amy, what's a six-letter word for an affliction of the hypothalmus? Without a break in her typing: AMY -- And it's a cinch -- Goiter -- it's a cinch this guy isn't in on it. How much time to make the Late Final? Smitty holds the phone away from his ear. SMITTY Chief. Still typing, Amy whistles and nods to her shoulder. Smitty tucks the phone into it as she continues typing. AMY Hiya, Chief, just the person I wanted to apologize to... Smitty is looking at his watch. SMITTY About seven minutes. AMY (still typing) Yeah, I was all wet about your idea man... Well, thanks for being so generous... It is human, and you are divine... No, he's no faker. He's the 100% real McCoy beware-of- imitations genuine article: the guy is a real moron -- To the Ancient Puzzler: AMY -- as in a five-letter word for imbecile -- Back into phone: AMY -- as pure a specimen as I've ever run across... Am I sure he's a nitwit? Heck, if working at the Argus doesn't make me an expert then my name isn't Amy Archer and I've never won the Pulitzer Prize... Her eyes narrow. AMY ...In 1957... My series on the reunited triplets -- come on down here, hammerhead, and I'll show it to ya... ANCIENT PUZZLER Amy, what's a three-letter word for a flightless bird? AMY Not now, Morris, I'm busy -- That's right, I said hammerhead, as in a ten-letter word for a smug bullying self-important newspaperman -- To Morris: AMY -- Gnu -- Into phone: AMY -- who couldn't find -- To Morris: AMY -- That's G-N-U -- Into phone: AMY -- couldn't find the Empire State Building with a compass, a road map and a native guide. To Morris: AMY -- or emu. She slams down the phone. To Smitty: AMY ...And that's just the potatoes, Smitty, here comes the gravy: The chump really likes me. A Muncie girl! Smitty bursts out laughing. SMITTY Better off falling for a rattlesnake. As she continues to type: AMY I'm tellin' ya, this guy's just the patsy and I'm gonna find out what for. There's a real story, Smitty, some kind of plot, a setup, a cabal, a -- oh, and say, did I tell ya?! SMITTY He didn't offer you money. AMY A sawbuck! SMITTY Ten dollars? Let's grab a highball! AMY On Norville Barnes! She rips the page out of the typewriter, swivels in her chair to FACE CAMERA as we TRACK IN CLOSE and she hollers: AMY ...Copy! DISSOLVE THROUGH TO: PRESSES rolling, churning out great quantities of newsprint. Papers piling up one on top of the other, very many, very quickly. DELIVERY MAN throwing a baled stack of papers off the back of his truck. BALED PAPER rolling into the f.g. A hand ENTERS FRAME to snip its wires and wipe off the top paper. PAPER BOY wearing an apron and a little paper boy cap, mouthing "Extra! Extra!" as he holds one of the papers aloft. PAN UP his arm TO the newspaper and, BEYOND it, the towering Hudsucker Building. All of the above -- DISSOLVING WITH: NEWSPAPER spinning TOWARDS the CAMERA and STOPPING FULL FRAME. Its headline, over a picture of Norville smiling, is "IMBECILE HEADS HUDSUCKER." The subheadline: "Not a Brain in his Head." ANOTHER ANGLE - NEWSPAPER is angrily slammed down to reveal that Norville has been reading the inside. His face twisting with fury, he leans forward and hits the intercom. NORVILLE Miss Smith, can you come in please to take a letter... Muttering to himself: NORVILLE ...of all the cockamamie... Amy is bustling in holding a steno pad and a pencil. As she seats herself in front of his desk, he rises to pace behind it. NORVILLE ...Did you happen to see the front page of today's Manhattan Argus? AMY Well, I... didn't bother to read the article. I didn't think the picture did you justice. NORVILLE The picture was fine! It's what that knuckle-headed dame wrote underneath! Of all the irresponsible... Amy, take this down: Dear Miss Archer. I call you 'Miss' because you seem to have 'missed' the boat completely on this one! How on earth would you know whether I'm an imbecile when you don't even have the guts to come in here and interview me man to man! No, change 'guts' to 'courage.' No, make it 'common decency.' These wild speculations about my intelligence -- AMY -- or lack thereof? NORVILLE (nodding) -- these preposterous inventions, would be better suited to the pages of Amazing Tales Magazine. If the editors of the Manhattan Argus see fit to publish the rantings of a disordered mind, perhaps they will see fit to publish this letter! But I doubt it. I most seriously doubt it. As I doubt also that you could find a home at Amazing Tales, a periodical which I have enjoyed for many years. Yours sincerely, et cetera. He drifts into thought. AMY Is that all, Mr. Barnes? NORVILLE ...Well, you know me, Amy, at least better than that that dame does. Do you think I'm an imbecile? AMY I'm sure I -- NORVILLE Go on, tell the truth; I trust you and I put a lot of stock in your opinion. AMY Well, I -- NORVILLE Oh sure, you're biased -- you're a fellow Muncian. But would an imbecile come up with this? He whips the cover sheet off a display pad resting on an easel to reveal a large piece of graph paper with a circle rendered onto it. Amy looks, puzzled, from the circle to Norville's proudly beaming face. NORVILLE ...I designed it myself and this is just the sweet baby that can put Hudsucker right back on top. Amy is bewildered. Norville explains: NORVILLE ...You know! For kids! AMY ...Why don't I just type this up... NORVILLE Aww, naw, Amy, that won't be necessary. I shouldn't send it; she's just doing her job, I guess. AMY Well, I don't know; maybe she does deserve it. Maybe she should've come in to face you man to man. NORVILLE Well, she probably had a deadline... AMY Sure, but -- she could still have gotten your side for the record! NORVILLE Well, it's done now -- what's the use of grousing about it. Forget the letter, Amy, I just had to blow off some steam... She gets up to leave, and is heading for the door when Norville adds: NORVILLE ...She's probably just a little confused. Amy turns at the door. AMY Confused? NORVILLE Yeah, you know, probably one of these fast-talking career gals, thinks she's one of the boys. Probably is one of the boys, if you know what I mean. AMY (through clenched teeth) I'm quite sure I don't know what you mean. NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Suffers from one of these complexes they have nowadays. Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it? She's probably very unattractive and bitter about it. AMY Oh, is that it! NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Probably dresses in men's clothing, swaps drinks with the guys at the local watering hole, and hobnobs with some smooth talking heel in the newsroom named Biff or Smoocher or... AMY Smitty. NORVILLE Exactly. And I bet she's ugly. Real ugly. Otherwise, why wouldn't they print her picture next to her byline? AMY Maybe she puts her work ahead of her personal appearance. NORVILLE I bet that's exactly what she tells herself! But you and I both know she's just a dried-up bitter old maid. Say, how about you and I grab a little dinner and a show after work? I was thinking maybe The King and I -- Whap! Amy slaps him. He stares. NORVILLE ...How about Oklahoma? As she stalks out of the office: AMY Norville Barnes, you don't know a thing about that woman! You don't know who she really is! And only a numbskull thinks he knows things about things he knows nothing about! He stares, rubbing his cheek. NORVILLE Say, what gives? WHISTLE SHRIEKING. SWISH PAN TO: CLOCK Reading five o'clock. SWISH PAN TO: WORKERS Rising from their desks, collecting personal effects, putting on their hats and coats. TIME CLOCK Busy hands punch out. INT. EMPTY HALLWAY Of the executive floor. A security man walks down the hall, whistling, swinging a ring of keys. After he passes the door to the ladies' room it opens, Amy peeks out, emerges, goes into Norville's office. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE She goes to the desk, takes out the appointment book, flips through it. BOOK Still empty except for the one date with the Wilkie Grammer School Junior Achievers Club, which now has a red line drawn across it with the notation CANCELED. AMY looks around the office -- notices something. DOOR Set into the wall to one side it is topped by a small plaque: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. Amy tries the knob, which turns, and enters. INT. ROOM It is big and dim, several stories high, with spiral staircases reaching into, and catwalks criss-crossing, the gloom above. It is filled with contraptions -- works, cogs, gears. There is no window, but on what would be the window wall there is an enormous iron ring with a metal rod sweeping an interior circle. It is the backside of the great Hudsucker clock. Amy gazes about. She crosses to a door opposite the one she entered from. She stoops to peek through its keyhole. HER POV We are LOOKING INTO Sidney J. Mussburger's office. Mussburger sits at his desk barking into a Dictaphone. CLICK-CLICK-CLICK -- the PERPETUAL MOTION BALLS on his desk are going full-tilt; THRUMMMMMMM -- the CLOCK'S exterior second hand sweeps a shadow across the office. Mussburger, it seems, never sleeps. MUSSBURGER Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A49. To: Director of the Jacksonville Facility. Copies to: Legal Affairs, Business Affairs, Central Files. Re: Movement of Raw Materials from the Huron Facility. Due to unfavorable news in the slag markets, Jacksonville inventory must be reduced by 15 percent with overflow diverted to the Waukegan Stamping Facility. Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A50. To: Director of -- BACK TO SCENE VOICE (O.S.) Watchoo doin' down they, Miss Archuh? AMY Huh?! She straightens and turns. Facing her is a very old BLACK MAN in a janitor's jumpsuit with HUDSUCKER INDUSTRIES/The Future Is Now emblazoned across it. We might recognize his voice as that of the narrator who opened the movie. AMY Who are you? How did you know who I am? MOSES (BLACK MAN) Ah guess ole Moses knows jes about ever'thing, leastways if it concerns Hudsuckuh. AMY But -- who are you -- what d'you do here? MOSES Ah keeps the ol' circle turning -- this ol' clock needs plenty o' care. Time is money, Miss Archuh, and money -- it drives that ol' global economy and keeps big Daddy Earth a-spinnin' on 'roun'. Ya see, without that capital fo'mation -- AMY Yeah, yeah. Say, you won't tell anyone about me, will you? MOSES I don't tell no one nothin' lessen they ask. Thatches ain't ole Moses' way. AMY So if you know everything about Hudsucker, tell me why the Board decided to make Norville Barnes president. MOSES Well, that even surprised ole Moses at fust. I didn't think the Board was that smart. AMY That smart?! MOSES But then I figured it out: they did it 'cause they figured young Norville for an imbecile. Like some othuh people ah know. AMY Why on earth would they want a nitwit to be president? MOSES 'Cause they's little pigglies! They's tryin' to inspire panic, make that stock git cheap so's they can snitch it all up fo' themselves! But Norville, he's got some tricks up his sleeve, he does... He draws a circle with his finger in the air. MOSES ...you know, fo' kids? Yeah, he's a smart one, that Norville, heh-heh, he's a caution. Wal, some folks is square, an' some is hip -- To punctuate, he gives a little jerk of his hips. MOSES ...But I guess you don't really know him any better than that board does, do ya, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, maybe I -- MOSES An' only some kind a knucklehead thinks she knows things 'bout things she, uh -- when she don't, uh -- How'd that go? AMY (bristling) It's hardly the same -- MOSES Why you don't even know y'own self -- you ain't exactly the genuine article are you, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, in connection with my job, sometimes I have to go undercover as it were -- MOSES I don't mean that! Why you pretendin' to be such a hard ol' sourpuss! Ain't never gonna make you happy! Never made Warin' happy. AMY (uncomfortably) I'm happy enough. MOSES (chuckles) Okay, Miss Archuh. (turns and walks away) ...I got gears to see to. AMY (calls after him) I'm plenty happy! She is answered only by WHIRRING MACHINERY. MOSES Elsewhere in the great room, he is hunkered down next to a catchment which he buffs with a greasy rag. Amy's VOICE ECHOES UP: AMY (O.S.) ...Hello? MOSES (muttering to himself) Them po' young folks. Looks like Norville's in fo' the same kind o' heartache ol' Warin' had. But then, she never axed me 'bout dat... As OMINOUS MUSIC SWELLS, we -- FADE OUT: FADE IN: INT. CHIEF'S OFFICE He slams down a typescript. CHIEF I can't print this! AMY Why not, it's all true! The board is using this poor guy! They're depressing the stock so they can buy it cheap! CHIEF It's pure speculation! Why, they'd have my butt in a satchel! SMITTY (chuckling) Ol' satchel-butt... AMY I know they're gonna buy that stock -- CHIEF You don't know anything! Fact is they haven't bought it! The stock is cheap, Archer! What're they waiting for? AMY I don't know... SMITTY Amy's hunches are usually pretty good, Chief. CHIEF You don't accuse someone of stock manipulation on a hunch, Ignatz! The readers of the Manhattan Argus aren't interested in sensationalism, gossip and unsupported speculation. Facts, figures -- those are the tools of the newspaper trade! Why it's almost as if you're trying to take the heat off this Barnes numbskull -- like you've gone all soft on him! SMITTY Come on, Chief, that's a low blow. Archer's not gonna go goey for a corn-fed idiot. CHIEF All right, I was out of line. But you're out of line with this stock swindle story. Gimme some more of that Moron-from-Sheboygan stuff -- AMY Muncie. CHIEF Whatever. That's what sells newspapers. AMY I've got an even hotter story -- The Sap from the City Desk. CHIEF Watch it, Archer -- AMY It's about a dimwitted editor who -- SMITTY Easy, Amy... He gives her a companionable goose. SMITTY ...Let's grab a highball and calm down. She whirls and slaps him. AMY Back off -- smoocher! Smitty rubs his cheek, staring as she storms off. SMITTY (angry) Say, what gives? ENGRAVED INVITATION IT READS: Sidney J. Mussburger President Norville Barnes and The Board of Hudsucker Industries CORDIALLY INVITE YOU TO The Annual Fancy-Dress Hudsucker Christmas Gala Music, Dancing, Refreshments (Dainties) Formal Evening Attire de Rigeuer. The MUSIC OVER the invitation -- "WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS" -- SEGUES INTO the dance music of the Hudsucker Chamber Orchestra. DANCING COUPLES FILL the SCREEN; we GLIDE AMONG them and FINALLY COME to follow one couple: Norville and MRS. MUSSBURGER, a large middle-aged woman of the Margaret Dumont-mold in an elaborately flowered and old-fashioned evening gown, low-cut in spite of her overly-heavy figure. She wears a large flowered hat with a rolled-up veil. MRS. MUSSBURGER -- So we'd gone out to the Hamptons and the garden was in positive ruins! NORVILLE That must have been quite a disappointment, Mrs. Mussburger. MRS. MUSSBURGER Disappointment? J'etais destroyee! I was in bed for a week! Positively sick with fury! I called in the gardener and said, 'Monsieur Gonzalez, either those azaleas come up next spring or you are terminee! She throws her head back and roars with laughter. ANGLE - THEIR FEET As the large woman leans back to laugh, her feet stay planted on the ground and Norville's rise to be dragged with his toes scraping the floor through the continuing dance. MRS. MUSSBURGER I'm brushing up on my French with the most charming man, Pierre of Fifth Avenue. Do you know him? NORVILLE I haven't had -- MRS. MUSSBURGER Sidney and I are planning a trip to Paris and points continental -- Aren't we, dear? Mussburger has ENTERED FRAME. MUSSBURGER Sure, sure. I'm going to borrow Norville for a while, if you don't mind, dear. MIXING DOWN as they leave her: MRS. MUSSBURGER Well, frankly, I... NORVILLE You have a charming wife, Mr. Muss -- uh, Sid. MUSSBURGER So they tell me. Norville, let me shepherd you through some of the introductions here. Try not to talk too much; some of our biggest stockholders are, uh -- scratch that: Say whatever you want. ENTRYWAY As Amy enters in a simple yet stunning evening gown. She looks around the room, then starts across the crowded floor towards the punch bowl. NORVILLE As Mussburger introduces him to a tall, imposing BUSINESSMAN in a tuxedo and a ten-gallon hat. MUSSBURGER Norville Barnes, allow me to introduce Mr. Zebulon Cardozo, one of Hudsucker Industries largest and most loyal stockholders. Ignoring Norville's proffered hand: CARDOZO (BUSINESSMAN) Dammit boy, what's this I hear about you bein' an embecile? What the hell is ailin' ya?! A week ago my stock was worth twice what it is now! I'm considering dumping the whole shootin' match, unless I see some vast improvement! Dammit, boy, It's a range war! Either you pull our wagons into a circle or I'm pullin' out of the wagon train! Norville gives him a forced but hearty laugh of reassurance. NORVILLE No need for concern, sir; it's only natural in a period of transition for the more timid element to run for cover -- CARDOZO So I'm yella, am I?!! He starts peeling off his tuxedo jacket: CARDOZO ...We'll see who's yella!! His WIFE, a small wiry woman, steps in as Mussburger starts dragging Norville away. MRS. CARDOZO Zebulon, you mind now and quit bein' sech an ole grizzly. As he reluctantly starts shrugging back into the jacket: CARDOZO Aww, I wasn't gonna hurt the boy, Lorelei... MUSSBURGER AND NORVILLE As they make their way through the room Norville is mopping at his brow with a handkerchief. NORVILLE I'm sorry, Sid, I thought maybe if I showed him the long view we might -- Thump! Dabbing at his brow, Norville has walked square into the back of a debonaire man

horrible

How many times the word 'horrible' appears in the text?

(O.S.) He don't look wise. As Norville turns to leave: VETERAN #2 (O.S.) How does she pull this out? She puts the back of her hand dramatically to her forehead. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) (disbelieving) She isn't! VETERAN #2 (O.S.) (thrilled) She is! And indeed she does: Faint dead away, falling backwards on the stool, so that Norville has no choice but to catch her. Norville holds her awkwardly, looking around for help. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) She's good, Bennie. VETERAN #2 (O.S.) She's damn good, Lou. A WAITRESS enters extreme f.g. to BLOCK OUR VIEW of the swooned woman and the embarrassed Norville. The Waitress is FACING the CAMERA and the two O.S. Veterans; the CROPPING gives us only her torso and the steaming pot of coffee she holds. WAITRESS (bored, nasal voice) Can I get you boys anything else? REVERSE ANGLE Back of the Waitress's torso in f.g.; on either side beyond her, the two Veterans are looking up at her O.S. face. They sport extremely bored expressions, topped by "cabbie" caps. VETERAN #1 Bromo. Beat. VETERAN #2 ...Bromo. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE Looking at its frosted-glass door; the sign painter is just finishing lettering in: NORVILLE BARNES, President. The sign painter makes way as we see Norville's shadow approaching; even from inside the room we can hear that he is WHEEZING HEAVILY. He is apparently carrying the girl, cradled in his arms. He tries to reach down to get the doorknob; can't manage it; turns to press his back against the door and get the knob with his other hand. The door opens as Norville swings around to enter. He is wheezing like a gas pipe about to explode. He swings around to kick the door shut. We see that the lettering on the door is now terribly smudged; we also see, in wet ink, on the seat of Norville's pants: senraB ellivroN tnediserP. Weakly, still cradled in Norville's arms: AMY I'm sorry we had to take the stairs. It was just that horrible little elevator boy... NORVILLE Not at all. You're light as a feather. AMY (pointing languorously) The couch, please. Still wheezing horribly, Norville staggers over to the couch and deposits her gently on it. He straightens up and looks at her. NORVILLE'S POV She is smiling wanly AT the CAMERA. The entire IMAGE PULSATES as the blood pounds behind Norville's eyeballs. We hear the LOUD, RASPING of his BREATH, resonating inside his head. Amy is talking but her voice is barely audible, as if coming from a long way away. BACK TO SCENE NORVILLE Just a minute. He perches drunkenly on the edge of the couch and puts his head between his knees, still fighting for breath. AMY I don't know what came over me. I suppose it was the shock of eating after so long without; the enzymes kicking in after so long, or whatever. But then you couldn't possibly know what it is to be tired and hungry... Speaking into his knees as he wheezes: NORVILLE Hungry, anyway. AMY I don't want to bore you with all the sordid details of my life; it's not a happy story... Norville rises and starts putting throw pillows behind her head. AMY ...Suffice it to say that I'm jobless -- though not for want of trying, that I'm friendless, with no one to -- thank you -- take care of me; and that had you not come along at just exactly the moment that you did -- She screams, staring down at the couch. Norville jumps, startled, then looks where she is looking. On the white sofa cushion where he had been sitting is printed, in wet ink, right side around: NORVILLE BARNES, President. AMY Norville, I didn't know you were president here! Norville stares dumbfounded at the sofa cushion. When the nickel finally drops, he spins around to try to look at the seat of his pants. Distracted but still modest: NORVILLE Oh, it's nothing really. Just determination and hard work... He unbuckles his trousers. NORVILLE ...Of course, when I started in the mailroom last Tuesday I thought it might take more time -- Buzz enters holding a brown paper bag. BUZZ Say, buddy, here's the whiskey you asked f -- He freezes, taking in the scene: Amy reclining on the couch; Norville standing in front of her with his pants around his ankles, still breathing heavily; the bottle of whiskey in his own hand. NORVILLE (flustered) Thank you, Buzz, just leave it on the desk. Leering: BUZZ Happy days, buddy... As he turns to leave: BUZZ ...and I'll tell your secretary you're not to be disturbed. Yowzuh!! He snaps the elastic strap under his chin. After the doors shut behind Buzz: AMY (shuddering) What a horrible little person. NORVILLE Oh, Buzz is pretty harmless, really -- AMY At any rate I arrived in town not ten days ago, full of dreams and aspirations, anxious to make my way in the world -- Norville pours a glass of whiskey and brings it over to her. AMY A little naive perhaps but -- thank you -- armed with determination, a solid work ethic, and an indomitable belief in the future -- NORVILLE I myself -- He crosses back to the desk. AMY Only to have that belief, that unsullied optimism, dashed against the marble and mortar of the modern work place -- Norville takes a cigarette from a large wood cigarette box on the desk and sticks it in his mouth. NORVILLE Cigarette? AMY No thank you. Seek and ye shall find, work and ye shall prosper -- these were the watch words of my education, the ethics of my tender years -- OVER NORVILLE'S SHOULDER He has been pushing the box towards her. The box tilts lazily forward and then disappears over the far lip of the desk. We hear the THUD of the BOX landing amid the pitter-patter of cigarettes raining onto the carpet. Amy's brow crinkles. Continuing: AMY -- these were the values that were instilled in me while I was growing up in a little town you've probably never heard of -- NORVILLE Mind if I join you? He is pouring himself a drink. AMY Be my guest. A little town you've probably -- He tosses back his drink, gags, looks at Amy with his eyes bulging. HIS POV Once again her IMAGE PULSATES. There is a ROARING SOUND and an AIRY STEAM WHISTLE as she silently moves her lips. NORVILLE He waves his arms and talks with a thick rasp as he staggers to his feet. NORVILLE Excuse me -- I -- executive washroom... He staggers out a side door. On his exit Amy leaps to her feet and scurries over to his desk. At the top of her voice: AMY Are you all right?... She throws open the top desk drawer. Inside two lonely lead pencils roll through the otherwise empty drawer. Amy expertly flips a cigarette into her mouth and strikes a match off the desktop. AMY ...Is it your lunch? The chicken a la king? From the washroom: NORVILLE (O.S.) No, I -- Amy throws open another drawer, empty except for an appointment book. As she hurriedly flips through page after blank page an arctic WIND WHISTLES emptiness. One page only has a notation: 11:45. Address Wilkie Grammar School Junior Achievers Club. AMY Is the a la king repeating on you? Amy shoves the appointment book back into the drawer. NORVILLE (O.S.) ...I'm fine, I... You were saying? She mutters: AMY Values... watchwords... uh, tender years... (aloud) -- A little town you've probably never heard of... She hastily stubs out her cigarette and waves her hand to disperse the smoke. AMY ...Muncie, Indiana. She scurries back across the room as we hear the FAUCET BEING TURNED OFF: she re-strikes her languid pose on the couch just as the washroom door opens. Norville gapes, one hand pressing a dripping rag to his forehead. NORVILLE You're from Muncie?! AMY Why yes, do you know it? Norville starts making pumping motions with his fists and loud syncopated grunting noises. Amy gapes at him. He starts singing, off-key: NORVILLE 'Fight on fight on dear old Muncie Fight on -- Hoist the gold and blue You'll be tattered, torn and hurtin' Once 'The Munce' is done with you!' Amy lamely fakes singing along, coming in louder on the last, obvious rhyme. Norville jumps an octave on it; she quickly follows sit, also pumping her fists. As Norville crosses his hands and locks thumbs in front of his nose to make bird wings of his extended fingers: NORVILLE ...Goooooooo Eagles! Amy awkwardly imitates. Norville excitedly sits behind his desk. NORVILLE ...A Muncie girl! Talk about the cat's pyjamas! Tell you what, Amy. I'm gonna cancel the rest of my appointments this afternoon and get you a job here at the Hud. AMY Oh, no, really, I -- NORVILLE Don't bother to thank me, it's the easiest thing in the world. Matter of fact, I know where a vacancy just came up. He hits the intercom. NORVILLE ...Mail room. To Amy: NORVILLE ...This'll only take a moment. INTERCOM (V.O.) Yeah? NORVILLE Good afternoon to ya, this is Norville Barnes -- INTERCOM (V.O.) Barnes! Where the hell have you been! And where's my voucher?! Norville thumps at his pockets. NORVILLE ...Well, I'm not sure where I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I need that voucher! I told you a week ago it was important! NORVILLE But look, I'm president of the company now and I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I don't care if you're president of the company! I need that voucher! Now! CLICK. The intercom goes dead. NORVILLE Oh, of all the foolish... Listen, do you take shorthand? Are you familiar with the mimeograph machine? AMY Of course -- I went to the Muncie, uh, Secretarial Polytechnic! Norville excitedly smacks a fist into a palm. NORVILLE -- A Muncie girl! Can you beat that! AMY Well, I just don't know how to thank you, Mr. Barnes -- NORVILLE Please! Norville! As he reaches to shake: NORVILLE ...It's my pleasure! She reaches for his hand but Norville snatches it away and, winking at her, hooks thumbs in front of his nose and makes wings of his fingers. NORVILLE ...Gooooooo Eagles! AMY likewise hooks her thumbs in front of her nose, makes wings, and, winking back: AMY Gooooooooo Eagles! But we PULL BACK to reveal that the girl is now in a newspaper office, demonstrating the fight sign to SMITTY, a reporter wearing a fedora with a bent-back brim. Smitty howls with laughter. SMITTY (wheezing) ...Once 'The Munce'... Holy... Amy sits down behind a typewriter and, as she starts typing at 80 words per minute: AMY And is this guy from chumpsville?! I pulled the old mother routine -- SMITTY Adenoids? AMY Lumbago. Behind her an ancient man wearing an inksman's visor and sleeve garters toils over a large checkerboarded surface over which he shuffles letter blocks and black spaces. Smitty gives a low whistle. SMITTY That gag's got whiskers on it! The PHONE RINGS and Smitty reaches for it. AMY I'm telling you, Smitty, the board of Hudsucker is up to something -- SMITTY (into phone) Yeah. ANCIENT PUZZLER Say, Amy, what's a six-letter word for an affliction of the hypothalmus? Without a break in her typing: AMY -- And it's a cinch -- Goiter -- it's a cinch this guy isn't in on it. How much time to make the Late Final? Smitty holds the phone away from his ear. SMITTY Chief. Still typing, Amy whistles and nods to her shoulder. Smitty tucks the phone into it as she continues typing. AMY Hiya, Chief, just the person I wanted to apologize to... Smitty is looking at his watch. SMITTY About seven minutes. AMY (still typing) Yeah, I was all wet about your idea man... Well, thanks for being so generous... It is human, and you are divine... No, he's no faker. He's the 100% real McCoy beware-of- imitations genuine article: the guy is a real moron -- To the Ancient Puzzler: AMY -- as in a five-letter word for imbecile -- Back into phone: AMY -- as pure a specimen as I've ever run across... Am I sure he's a nitwit? Heck, if working at the Argus doesn't make me an expert then my name isn't Amy Archer and I've never won the Pulitzer Prize... Her eyes narrow. AMY ...In 1957... My series on the reunited triplets -- come on down here, hammerhead, and I'll show it to ya... ANCIENT PUZZLER Amy, what's a three-letter word for a flightless bird? AMY Not now, Morris, I'm busy -- That's right, I said hammerhead, as in a ten-letter word for a smug bullying self-important newspaperman -- To Morris: AMY -- Gnu -- Into phone: AMY -- who couldn't find -- To Morris: AMY -- That's G-N-U -- Into phone: AMY -- couldn't find the Empire State Building with a compass, a road map and a native guide. To Morris: AMY -- or emu. She slams down the phone. To Smitty: AMY ...And that's just the potatoes, Smitty, here comes the gravy: The chump really likes me. A Muncie girl! Smitty bursts out laughing. SMITTY Better off falling for a rattlesnake. As she continues to type: AMY I'm tellin' ya, this guy's just the patsy and I'm gonna find out what for. There's a real story, Smitty, some kind of plot, a setup, a cabal, a -- oh, and say, did I tell ya?! SMITTY He didn't offer you money. AMY A sawbuck! SMITTY Ten dollars? Let's grab a highball! AMY On Norville Barnes! She rips the page out of the typewriter, swivels in her chair to FACE CAMERA as we TRACK IN CLOSE and she hollers: AMY ...Copy! DISSOLVE THROUGH TO: PRESSES rolling, churning out great quantities of newsprint. Papers piling up one on top of the other, very many, very quickly. DELIVERY MAN throwing a baled stack of papers off the back of his truck. BALED PAPER rolling into the f.g. A hand ENTERS FRAME to snip its wires and wipe off the top paper. PAPER BOY wearing an apron and a little paper boy cap, mouthing "Extra! Extra!" as he holds one of the papers aloft. PAN UP his arm TO the newspaper and, BEYOND it, the towering Hudsucker Building. All of the above -- DISSOLVING WITH: NEWSPAPER spinning TOWARDS the CAMERA and STOPPING FULL FRAME. Its headline, over a picture of Norville smiling, is "IMBECILE HEADS HUDSUCKER." The subheadline: "Not a Brain in his Head." ANOTHER ANGLE - NEWSPAPER is angrily slammed down to reveal that Norville has been reading the inside. His face twisting with fury, he leans forward and hits the intercom. NORVILLE Miss Smith, can you come in please to take a letter... Muttering to himself: NORVILLE ...of all the cockamamie... Amy is bustling in holding a steno pad and a pencil. As she seats herself in front of his desk, he rises to pace behind it. NORVILLE ...Did you happen to see the front page of today's Manhattan Argus? AMY Well, I... didn't bother to read the article. I didn't think the picture did you justice. NORVILLE The picture was fine! It's what that knuckle-headed dame wrote underneath! Of all the irresponsible... Amy, take this down: Dear Miss Archer. I call you 'Miss' because you seem to have 'missed' the boat completely on this one! How on earth would you know whether I'm an imbecile when you don't even have the guts to come in here and interview me man to man! No, change 'guts' to 'courage.' No, make it 'common decency.' These wild speculations about my intelligence -- AMY -- or lack thereof? NORVILLE (nodding) -- these preposterous inventions, would be better suited to the pages of Amazing Tales Magazine. If the editors of the Manhattan Argus see fit to publish the rantings of a disordered mind, perhaps they will see fit to publish this letter! But I doubt it. I most seriously doubt it. As I doubt also that you could find a home at Amazing Tales, a periodical which I have enjoyed for many years. Yours sincerely, et cetera. He drifts into thought. AMY Is that all, Mr. Barnes? NORVILLE ...Well, you know me, Amy, at least better than that that dame does. Do you think I'm an imbecile? AMY I'm sure I -- NORVILLE Go on, tell the truth; I trust you and I put a lot of stock in your opinion. AMY Well, I -- NORVILLE Oh sure, you're biased -- you're a fellow Muncian. But would an imbecile come up with this? He whips the cover sheet off a display pad resting on an easel to reveal a large piece of graph paper with a circle rendered onto it. Amy looks, puzzled, from the circle to Norville's proudly beaming face. NORVILLE ...I designed it myself and this is just the sweet baby that can put Hudsucker right back on top. Amy is bewildered. Norville explains: NORVILLE ...You know! For kids! AMY ...Why don't I just type this up... NORVILLE Aww, naw, Amy, that won't be necessary. I shouldn't send it; she's just doing her job, I guess. AMY Well, I don't know; maybe she does deserve it. Maybe she should've come in to face you man to man. NORVILLE Well, she probably had a deadline... AMY Sure, but -- she could still have gotten your side for the record! NORVILLE Well, it's done now -- what's the use of grousing about it. Forget the letter, Amy, I just had to blow off some steam... She gets up to leave, and is heading for the door when Norville adds: NORVILLE ...She's probably just a little confused. Amy turns at the door. AMY Confused? NORVILLE Yeah, you know, probably one of these fast-talking career gals, thinks she's one of the boys. Probably is one of the boys, if you know what I mean. AMY (through clenched teeth) I'm quite sure I don't know what you mean. NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Suffers from one of these complexes they have nowadays. Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it? She's probably very unattractive and bitter about it. AMY Oh, is that it! NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Probably dresses in men's clothing, swaps drinks with the guys at the local watering hole, and hobnobs with some smooth talking heel in the newsroom named Biff or Smoocher or... AMY Smitty. NORVILLE Exactly. And I bet she's ugly. Real ugly. Otherwise, why wouldn't they print her picture next to her byline? AMY Maybe she puts her work ahead of her personal appearance. NORVILLE I bet that's exactly what she tells herself! But you and I both know she's just a dried-up bitter old maid. Say, how about you and I grab a little dinner and a show after work? I was thinking maybe The King and I -- Whap! Amy slaps him. He stares. NORVILLE ...How about Oklahoma? As she stalks out of the office: AMY Norville Barnes, you don't know a thing about that woman! You don't know who she really is! And only a numbskull thinks he knows things about things he knows nothing about! He stares, rubbing his cheek. NORVILLE Say, what gives? WHISTLE SHRIEKING. SWISH PAN TO: CLOCK Reading five o'clock. SWISH PAN TO: WORKERS Rising from their desks, collecting personal effects, putting on their hats and coats. TIME CLOCK Busy hands punch out. INT. EMPTY HALLWAY Of the executive floor. A security man walks down the hall, whistling, swinging a ring of keys. After he passes the door to the ladies' room it opens, Amy peeks out, emerges, goes into Norville's office. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE She goes to the desk, takes out the appointment book, flips through it. BOOK Still empty except for the one date with the Wilkie Grammer School Junior Achievers Club, which now has a red line drawn across it with the notation CANCELED. AMY looks around the office -- notices something. DOOR Set into the wall to one side it is topped by a small plaque: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. Amy tries the knob, which turns, and enters. INT. ROOM It is big and dim, several stories high, with spiral staircases reaching into, and catwalks criss-crossing, the gloom above. It is filled with contraptions -- works, cogs, gears. There is no window, but on what would be the window wall there is an enormous iron ring with a metal rod sweeping an interior circle. It is the backside of the great Hudsucker clock. Amy gazes about. She crosses to a door opposite the one she entered from. She stoops to peek through its keyhole. HER POV We are LOOKING INTO Sidney J. Mussburger's office. Mussburger sits at his desk barking into a Dictaphone. CLICK-CLICK-CLICK -- the PERPETUAL MOTION BALLS on his desk are going full-tilt; THRUMMMMMMM -- the CLOCK'S exterior second hand sweeps a shadow across the office. Mussburger, it seems, never sleeps. MUSSBURGER Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A49. To: Director of the Jacksonville Facility. Copies to: Legal Affairs, Business Affairs, Central Files. Re: Movement of Raw Materials from the Huron Facility. Due to unfavorable news in the slag markets, Jacksonville inventory must be reduced by 15 percent with overflow diverted to the Waukegan Stamping Facility. Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A50. To: Director of -- BACK TO SCENE VOICE (O.S.) Watchoo doin' down they, Miss Archuh? AMY Huh?! She straightens and turns. Facing her is a very old BLACK MAN in a janitor's jumpsuit with HUDSUCKER INDUSTRIES/The Future Is Now emblazoned across it. We might recognize his voice as that of the narrator who opened the movie. AMY Who are you? How did you know who I am? MOSES (BLACK MAN) Ah guess ole Moses knows jes about ever'thing, leastways if it concerns Hudsuckuh. AMY But -- who are you -- what d'you do here? MOSES Ah keeps the ol' circle turning -- this ol' clock needs plenty o' care. Time is money, Miss Archuh, and money -- it drives that ol' global economy and keeps big Daddy Earth a-spinnin' on 'roun'. Ya see, without that capital fo'mation -- AMY Yeah, yeah. Say, you won't tell anyone about me, will you? MOSES I don't tell no one nothin' lessen they ask. Thatches ain't ole Moses' way. AMY So if you know everything about Hudsucker, tell me why the Board decided to make Norville Barnes president. MOSES Well, that even surprised ole Moses at fust. I didn't think the Board was that smart. AMY That smart?! MOSES But then I figured it out: they did it 'cause they figured young Norville for an imbecile. Like some othuh people ah know. AMY Why on earth would they want a nitwit to be president? MOSES 'Cause they's little pigglies! They's tryin' to inspire panic, make that stock git cheap so's they can snitch it all up fo' themselves! But Norville, he's got some tricks up his sleeve, he does... He draws a circle with his finger in the air. MOSES ...you know, fo' kids? Yeah, he's a smart one, that Norville, heh-heh, he's a caution. Wal, some folks is square, an' some is hip -- To punctuate, he gives a little jerk of his hips. MOSES ...But I guess you don't really know him any better than that board does, do ya, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, maybe I -- MOSES An' only some kind a knucklehead thinks she knows things 'bout things she, uh -- when she don't, uh -- How'd that go? AMY (bristling) It's hardly the same -- MOSES Why you don't even know y'own self -- you ain't exactly the genuine article are you, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, in connection with my job, sometimes I have to go undercover as it were -- MOSES I don't mean that! Why you pretendin' to be such a hard ol' sourpuss! Ain't never gonna make you happy! Never made Warin' happy. AMY (uncomfortably) I'm happy enough. MOSES (chuckles) Okay, Miss Archuh. (turns and walks away) ...I got gears to see to. AMY (calls after him) I'm plenty happy! She is answered only by WHIRRING MACHINERY. MOSES Elsewhere in the great room, he is hunkered down next to a catchment which he buffs with a greasy rag. Amy's VOICE ECHOES UP: AMY (O.S.) ...Hello? MOSES (muttering to himself) Them po' young folks. Looks like Norville's in fo' the same kind o' heartache ol' Warin' had. But then, she never axed me 'bout dat... As OMINOUS MUSIC SWELLS, we -- FADE OUT: FADE IN: INT. CHIEF'S OFFICE He slams down a typescript. CHIEF I can't print this! AMY Why not, it's all true! The board is using this poor guy! They're depressing the stock so they can buy it cheap! CHIEF It's pure speculation! Why, they'd have my butt in a satchel! SMITTY (chuckling) Ol' satchel-butt... AMY I know they're gonna buy that stock -- CHIEF You don't know anything! Fact is they haven't bought it! The stock is cheap, Archer! What're they waiting for? AMY I don't know... SMITTY Amy's hunches are usually pretty good, Chief. CHIEF You don't accuse someone of stock manipulation on a hunch, Ignatz! The readers of the Manhattan Argus aren't interested in sensationalism, gossip and unsupported speculation. Facts, figures -- those are the tools of the newspaper trade! Why it's almost as if you're trying to take the heat off this Barnes numbskull -- like you've gone all soft on him! SMITTY Come on, Chief, that's a low blow. Archer's not gonna go goey for a corn-fed idiot. CHIEF All right, I was out of line. But you're out of line with this stock swindle story. Gimme some more of that Moron-from-Sheboygan stuff -- AMY Muncie. CHIEF Whatever. That's what sells newspapers. AMY I've got an even hotter story -- The Sap from the City Desk. CHIEF Watch it, Archer -- AMY It's about a dimwitted editor who -- SMITTY Easy, Amy... He gives her a companionable goose. SMITTY ...Let's grab a highball and calm down. She whirls and slaps him. AMY Back off -- smoocher! Smitty rubs his cheek, staring as she storms off. SMITTY (angry) Say, what gives? ENGRAVED INVITATION IT READS: Sidney J. Mussburger President Norville Barnes and The Board of Hudsucker Industries CORDIALLY INVITE YOU TO The Annual Fancy-Dress Hudsucker Christmas Gala Music, Dancing, Refreshments (Dainties) Formal Evening Attire de Rigeuer. The MUSIC OVER the invitation -- "WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS" -- SEGUES INTO the dance music of the Hudsucker Chamber Orchestra. DANCING COUPLES FILL the SCREEN; we GLIDE AMONG them and FINALLY COME to follow one couple: Norville and MRS. MUSSBURGER, a large middle-aged woman of the Margaret Dumont-mold in an elaborately flowered and old-fashioned evening gown, low-cut in spite of her overly-heavy figure. She wears a large flowered hat with a rolled-up veil. MRS. MUSSBURGER -- So we'd gone out to the Hamptons and the garden was in positive ruins! NORVILLE That must have been quite a disappointment, Mrs. Mussburger. MRS. MUSSBURGER Disappointment? J'etais destroyee! I was in bed for a week! Positively sick with fury! I called in the gardener and said, 'Monsieur Gonzalez, either those azaleas come up next spring or you are terminee! She throws her head back and roars with laughter. ANGLE - THEIR FEET As the large woman leans back to laugh, her feet stay planted on the ground and Norville's rise to be dragged with his toes scraping the floor through the continuing dance. MRS. MUSSBURGER I'm brushing up on my French with the most charming man, Pierre of Fifth Avenue. Do you know him? NORVILLE I haven't had -- MRS. MUSSBURGER Sidney and I are planning a trip to Paris and points continental -- Aren't we, dear? Mussburger has ENTERED FRAME. MUSSBURGER Sure, sure. I'm going to borrow Norville for a while, if you don't mind, dear. MIXING DOWN as they leave her: MRS. MUSSBURGER Well, frankly, I... NORVILLE You have a charming wife, Mr. Muss -- uh, Sid. MUSSBURGER So they tell me. Norville, let me shepherd you through some of the introductions here. Try not to talk too much; some of our biggest stockholders are, uh -- scratch that: Say whatever you want. ENTRYWAY As Amy enters in a simple yet stunning evening gown. She looks around the room, then starts across the crowded floor towards the punch bowl. NORVILLE As Mussburger introduces him to a tall, imposing BUSINESSMAN in a tuxedo and a ten-gallon hat. MUSSBURGER Norville Barnes, allow me to introduce Mr. Zebulon Cardozo, one of Hudsucker Industries largest and most loyal stockholders. Ignoring Norville's proffered hand: CARDOZO (BUSINESSMAN) Dammit boy, what's this I hear about you bein' an embecile? What the hell is ailin' ya?! A week ago my stock was worth twice what it is now! I'm considering dumping the whole shootin' match, unless I see some vast improvement! Dammit, boy, It's a range war! Either you pull our wagons into a circle or I'm pullin' out of the wagon train! Norville gives him a forced but hearty laugh of reassurance. NORVILLE No need for concern, sir; it's only natural in a period of transition for the more timid element to run for cover -- CARDOZO So I'm yella, am I?!! He starts peeling off his tuxedo jacket: CARDOZO ...We'll see who's yella!! His WIFE, a small wiry woman, steps in as Mussburger starts dragging Norville away. MRS. CARDOZO Zebulon, you mind now and quit bein' sech an ole grizzly. As he reluctantly starts shrugging back into the jacket: CARDOZO Aww, I wasn't gonna hurt the boy, Lorelei... MUSSBURGER AND NORVILLE As they make their way through the room Norville is mopping at his brow with a handkerchief. NORVILLE I'm sorry, Sid, I thought maybe if I showed him the long view we might -- Thump! Dabbing at his brow, Norville has walked square into the back of a debonaire man

dragon

How many times the word 'dragon' appears in the text?

(O.S.) He don't look wise. As Norville turns to leave: VETERAN #2 (O.S.) How does she pull this out? She puts the back of her hand dramatically to her forehead. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) (disbelieving) She isn't! VETERAN #2 (O.S.) (thrilled) She is! And indeed she does: Faint dead away, falling backwards on the stool, so that Norville has no choice but to catch her. Norville holds her awkwardly, looking around for help. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) She's good, Bennie. VETERAN #2 (O.S.) She's damn good, Lou. A WAITRESS enters extreme f.g. to BLOCK OUR VIEW of the swooned woman and the embarrassed Norville. The Waitress is FACING the CAMERA and the two O.S. Veterans; the CROPPING gives us only her torso and the steaming pot of coffee she holds. WAITRESS (bored, nasal voice) Can I get you boys anything else? REVERSE ANGLE Back of the Waitress's torso in f.g.; on either side beyond her, the two Veterans are looking up at her O.S. face. They sport extremely bored expressions, topped by "cabbie" caps. VETERAN #1 Bromo. Beat. VETERAN #2 ...Bromo. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE Looking at its frosted-glass door; the sign painter is just finishing lettering in: NORVILLE BARNES, President. The sign painter makes way as we see Norville's shadow approaching; even from inside the room we can hear that he is WHEEZING HEAVILY. He is apparently carrying the girl, cradled in his arms. He tries to reach down to get the doorknob; can't manage it; turns to press his back against the door and get the knob with his other hand. The door opens as Norville swings around to enter. He is wheezing like a gas pipe about to explode. He swings around to kick the door shut. We see that the lettering on the door is now terribly smudged; we also see, in wet ink, on the seat of Norville's pants: senraB ellivroN tnediserP. Weakly, still cradled in Norville's arms: AMY I'm sorry we had to take the stairs. It was just that horrible little elevator boy... NORVILLE Not at all. You're light as a feather. AMY (pointing languorously) The couch, please. Still wheezing horribly, Norville staggers over to the couch and deposits her gently on it. He straightens up and looks at her. NORVILLE'S POV She is smiling wanly AT the CAMERA. The entire IMAGE PULSATES as the blood pounds behind Norville's eyeballs. We hear the LOUD, RASPING of his BREATH, resonating inside his head. Amy is talking but her voice is barely audible, as if coming from a long way away. BACK TO SCENE NORVILLE Just a minute. He perches drunkenly on the edge of the couch and puts his head between his knees, still fighting for breath. AMY I don't know what came over me. I suppose it was the shock of eating after so long without; the enzymes kicking in after so long, or whatever. But then you couldn't possibly know what it is to be tired and hungry... Speaking into his knees as he wheezes: NORVILLE Hungry, anyway. AMY I don't want to bore you with all the sordid details of my life; it's not a happy story... Norville rises and starts putting throw pillows behind her head. AMY ...Suffice it to say that I'm jobless -- though not for want of trying, that I'm friendless, with no one to -- thank you -- take care of me; and that had you not come along at just exactly the moment that you did -- She screams, staring down at the couch. Norville jumps, startled, then looks where she is looking. On the white sofa cushion where he had been sitting is printed, in wet ink, right side around: NORVILLE BARNES, President. AMY Norville, I didn't know you were president here! Norville stares dumbfounded at the sofa cushion. When the nickel finally drops, he spins around to try to look at the seat of his pants. Distracted but still modest: NORVILLE Oh, it's nothing really. Just determination and hard work... He unbuckles his trousers. NORVILLE ...Of course, when I started in the mailroom last Tuesday I thought it might take more time -- Buzz enters holding a brown paper bag. BUZZ Say, buddy, here's the whiskey you asked f -- He freezes, taking in the scene: Amy reclining on the couch; Norville standing in front of her with his pants around his ankles, still breathing heavily; the bottle of whiskey in his own hand. NORVILLE (flustered) Thank you, Buzz, just leave it on the desk. Leering: BUZZ Happy days, buddy... As he turns to leave: BUZZ ...and I'll tell your secretary you're not to be disturbed. Yowzuh!! He snaps the elastic strap under his chin. After the doors shut behind Buzz: AMY (shuddering) What a horrible little person. NORVILLE Oh, Buzz is pretty harmless, really -- AMY At any rate I arrived in town not ten days ago, full of dreams and aspirations, anxious to make my way in the world -- Norville pours a glass of whiskey and brings it over to her. AMY A little naive perhaps but -- thank you -- armed with determination, a solid work ethic, and an indomitable belief in the future -- NORVILLE I myself -- He crosses back to the desk. AMY Only to have that belief, that unsullied optimism, dashed against the marble and mortar of the modern work place -- Norville takes a cigarette from a large wood cigarette box on the desk and sticks it in his mouth. NORVILLE Cigarette? AMY No thank you. Seek and ye shall find, work and ye shall prosper -- these were the watch words of my education, the ethics of my tender years -- OVER NORVILLE'S SHOULDER He has been pushing the box towards her. The box tilts lazily forward and then disappears over the far lip of the desk. We hear the THUD of the BOX landing amid the pitter-patter of cigarettes raining onto the carpet. Amy's brow crinkles. Continuing: AMY -- these were the values that were instilled in me while I was growing up in a little town you've probably never heard of -- NORVILLE Mind if I join you? He is pouring himself a drink. AMY Be my guest. A little town you've probably -- He tosses back his drink, gags, looks at Amy with his eyes bulging. HIS POV Once again her IMAGE PULSATES. There is a ROARING SOUND and an AIRY STEAM WHISTLE as she silently moves her lips. NORVILLE He waves his arms and talks with a thick rasp as he staggers to his feet. NORVILLE Excuse me -- I -- executive washroom... He staggers out a side door. On his exit Amy leaps to her feet and scurries over to his desk. At the top of her voice: AMY Are you all right?... She throws open the top desk drawer. Inside two lonely lead pencils roll through the otherwise empty drawer. Amy expertly flips a cigarette into her mouth and strikes a match off the desktop. AMY ...Is it your lunch? The chicken a la king? From the washroom: NORVILLE (O.S.) No, I -- Amy throws open another drawer, empty except for an appointment book. As she hurriedly flips through page after blank page an arctic WIND WHISTLES emptiness. One page only has a notation: 11:45. Address Wilkie Grammar School Junior Achievers Club. AMY Is the a la king repeating on you? Amy shoves the appointment book back into the drawer. NORVILLE (O.S.) ...I'm fine, I... You were saying? She mutters: AMY Values... watchwords... uh, tender years... (aloud) -- A little town you've probably never heard of... She hastily stubs out her cigarette and waves her hand to disperse the smoke. AMY ...Muncie, Indiana. She scurries back across the room as we hear the FAUCET BEING TURNED OFF: she re-strikes her languid pose on the couch just as the washroom door opens. Norville gapes, one hand pressing a dripping rag to his forehead. NORVILLE You're from Muncie?! AMY Why yes, do you know it? Norville starts making pumping motions with his fists and loud syncopated grunting noises. Amy gapes at him. He starts singing, off-key: NORVILLE 'Fight on fight on dear old Muncie Fight on -- Hoist the gold and blue You'll be tattered, torn and hurtin' Once 'The Munce' is done with you!' Amy lamely fakes singing along, coming in louder on the last, obvious rhyme. Norville jumps an octave on it; she quickly follows sit, also pumping her fists. As Norville crosses his hands and locks thumbs in front of his nose to make bird wings of his extended fingers: NORVILLE ...Goooooooo Eagles! Amy awkwardly imitates. Norville excitedly sits behind his desk. NORVILLE ...A Muncie girl! Talk about the cat's pyjamas! Tell you what, Amy. I'm gonna cancel the rest of my appointments this afternoon and get you a job here at the Hud. AMY Oh, no, really, I -- NORVILLE Don't bother to thank me, it's the easiest thing in the world. Matter of fact, I know where a vacancy just came up. He hits the intercom. NORVILLE ...Mail room. To Amy: NORVILLE ...This'll only take a moment. INTERCOM (V.O.) Yeah? NORVILLE Good afternoon to ya, this is Norville Barnes -- INTERCOM (V.O.) Barnes! Where the hell have you been! And where's my voucher?! Norville thumps at his pockets. NORVILLE ...Well, I'm not sure where I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I need that voucher! I told you a week ago it was important! NORVILLE But look, I'm president of the company now and I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I don't care if you're president of the company! I need that voucher! Now! CLICK. The intercom goes dead. NORVILLE Oh, of all the foolish... Listen, do you take shorthand? Are you familiar with the mimeograph machine? AMY Of course -- I went to the Muncie, uh, Secretarial Polytechnic! Norville excitedly smacks a fist into a palm. NORVILLE -- A Muncie girl! Can you beat that! AMY Well, I just don't know how to thank you, Mr. Barnes -- NORVILLE Please! Norville! As he reaches to shake: NORVILLE ...It's my pleasure! She reaches for his hand but Norville snatches it away and, winking at her, hooks thumbs in front of his nose and makes wings of his fingers. NORVILLE ...Gooooooo Eagles! AMY likewise hooks her thumbs in front of her nose, makes wings, and, winking back: AMY Gooooooooo Eagles! But we PULL BACK to reveal that the girl is now in a newspaper office, demonstrating the fight sign to SMITTY, a reporter wearing a fedora with a bent-back brim. Smitty howls with laughter. SMITTY (wheezing) ...Once 'The Munce'... Holy... Amy sits down behind a typewriter and, as she starts typing at 80 words per minute: AMY And is this guy from chumpsville?! I pulled the old mother routine -- SMITTY Adenoids? AMY Lumbago. Behind her an ancient man wearing an inksman's visor and sleeve garters toils over a large checkerboarded surface over which he shuffles letter blocks and black spaces. Smitty gives a low whistle. SMITTY That gag's got whiskers on it! The PHONE RINGS and Smitty reaches for it. AMY I'm telling you, Smitty, the board of Hudsucker is up to something -- SMITTY (into phone) Yeah. ANCIENT PUZZLER Say, Amy, what's a six-letter word for an affliction of the hypothalmus? Without a break in her typing: AMY -- And it's a cinch -- Goiter -- it's a cinch this guy isn't in on it. How much time to make the Late Final? Smitty holds the phone away from his ear. SMITTY Chief. Still typing, Amy whistles and nods to her shoulder. Smitty tucks the phone into it as she continues typing. AMY Hiya, Chief, just the person I wanted to apologize to... Smitty is looking at his watch. SMITTY About seven minutes. AMY (still typing) Yeah, I was all wet about your idea man... Well, thanks for being so generous... It is human, and you are divine... No, he's no faker. He's the 100% real McCoy beware-of- imitations genuine article: the guy is a real moron -- To the Ancient Puzzler: AMY -- as in a five-letter word for imbecile -- Back into phone: AMY -- as pure a specimen as I've ever run across... Am I sure he's a nitwit? Heck, if working at the Argus doesn't make me an expert then my name isn't Amy Archer and I've never won the Pulitzer Prize... Her eyes narrow. AMY ...In 1957... My series on the reunited triplets -- come on down here, hammerhead, and I'll show it to ya... ANCIENT PUZZLER Amy, what's a three-letter word for a flightless bird? AMY Not now, Morris, I'm busy -- That's right, I said hammerhead, as in a ten-letter word for a smug bullying self-important newspaperman -- To Morris: AMY -- Gnu -- Into phone: AMY -- who couldn't find -- To Morris: AMY -- That's G-N-U -- Into phone: AMY -- couldn't find the Empire State Building with a compass, a road map and a native guide. To Morris: AMY -- or emu. She slams down the phone. To Smitty: AMY ...And that's just the potatoes, Smitty, here comes the gravy: The chump really likes me. A Muncie girl! Smitty bursts out laughing. SMITTY Better off falling for a rattlesnake. As she continues to type: AMY I'm tellin' ya, this guy's just the patsy and I'm gonna find out what for. There's a real story, Smitty, some kind of plot, a setup, a cabal, a -- oh, and say, did I tell ya?! SMITTY He didn't offer you money. AMY A sawbuck! SMITTY Ten dollars? Let's grab a highball! AMY On Norville Barnes! She rips the page out of the typewriter, swivels in her chair to FACE CAMERA as we TRACK IN CLOSE and she hollers: AMY ...Copy! DISSOLVE THROUGH TO: PRESSES rolling, churning out great quantities of newsprint. Papers piling up one on top of the other, very many, very quickly. DELIVERY MAN throwing a baled stack of papers off the back of his truck. BALED PAPER rolling into the f.g. A hand ENTERS FRAME to snip its wires and wipe off the top paper. PAPER BOY wearing an apron and a little paper boy cap, mouthing "Extra! Extra!" as he holds one of the papers aloft. PAN UP his arm TO the newspaper and, BEYOND it, the towering Hudsucker Building. All of the above -- DISSOLVING WITH: NEWSPAPER spinning TOWARDS the CAMERA and STOPPING FULL FRAME. Its headline, over a picture of Norville smiling, is "IMBECILE HEADS HUDSUCKER." The subheadline: "Not a Brain in his Head." ANOTHER ANGLE - NEWSPAPER is angrily slammed down to reveal that Norville has been reading the inside. His face twisting with fury, he leans forward and hits the intercom. NORVILLE Miss Smith, can you come in please to take a letter... Muttering to himself: NORVILLE ...of all the cockamamie... Amy is bustling in holding a steno pad and a pencil. As she seats herself in front of his desk, he rises to pace behind it. NORVILLE ...Did you happen to see the front page of today's Manhattan Argus? AMY Well, I... didn't bother to read the article. I didn't think the picture did you justice. NORVILLE The picture was fine! It's what that knuckle-headed dame wrote underneath! Of all the irresponsible... Amy, take this down: Dear Miss Archer. I call you 'Miss' because you seem to have 'missed' the boat completely on this one! How on earth would you know whether I'm an imbecile when you don't even have the guts to come in here and interview me man to man! No, change 'guts' to 'courage.' No, make it 'common decency.' These wild speculations about my intelligence -- AMY -- or lack thereof? NORVILLE (nodding) -- these preposterous inventions, would be better suited to the pages of Amazing Tales Magazine. If the editors of the Manhattan Argus see fit to publish the rantings of a disordered mind, perhaps they will see fit to publish this letter! But I doubt it. I most seriously doubt it. As I doubt also that you could find a home at Amazing Tales, a periodical which I have enjoyed for many years. Yours sincerely, et cetera. He drifts into thought. AMY Is that all, Mr. Barnes? NORVILLE ...Well, you know me, Amy, at least better than that that dame does. Do you think I'm an imbecile? AMY I'm sure I -- NORVILLE Go on, tell the truth; I trust you and I put a lot of stock in your opinion. AMY Well, I -- NORVILLE Oh sure, you're biased -- you're a fellow Muncian. But would an imbecile come up with this? He whips the cover sheet off a display pad resting on an easel to reveal a large piece of graph paper with a circle rendered onto it. Amy looks, puzzled, from the circle to Norville's proudly beaming face. NORVILLE ...I designed it myself and this is just the sweet baby that can put Hudsucker right back on top. Amy is bewildered. Norville explains: NORVILLE ...You know! For kids! AMY ...Why don't I just type this up... NORVILLE Aww, naw, Amy, that won't be necessary. I shouldn't send it; she's just doing her job, I guess. AMY Well, I don't know; maybe she does deserve it. Maybe she should've come in to face you man to man. NORVILLE Well, she probably had a deadline... AMY Sure, but -- she could still have gotten your side for the record! NORVILLE Well, it's done now -- what's the use of grousing about it. Forget the letter, Amy, I just had to blow off some steam... She gets up to leave, and is heading for the door when Norville adds: NORVILLE ...She's probably just a little confused. Amy turns at the door. AMY Confused? NORVILLE Yeah, you know, probably one of these fast-talking career gals, thinks she's one of the boys. Probably is one of the boys, if you know what I mean. AMY (through clenched teeth) I'm quite sure I don't know what you mean. NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Suffers from one of these complexes they have nowadays. Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it? She's probably very unattractive and bitter about it. AMY Oh, is that it! NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Probably dresses in men's clothing, swaps drinks with the guys at the local watering hole, and hobnobs with some smooth talking heel in the newsroom named Biff or Smoocher or... AMY Smitty. NORVILLE Exactly. And I bet she's ugly. Real ugly. Otherwise, why wouldn't they print her picture next to her byline? AMY Maybe she puts her work ahead of her personal appearance. NORVILLE I bet that's exactly what she tells herself! But you and I both know she's just a dried-up bitter old maid. Say, how about you and I grab a little dinner and a show after work? I was thinking maybe The King and I -- Whap! Amy slaps him. He stares. NORVILLE ...How about Oklahoma? As she stalks out of the office: AMY Norville Barnes, you don't know a thing about that woman! You don't know who she really is! And only a numbskull thinks he knows things about things he knows nothing about! He stares, rubbing his cheek. NORVILLE Say, what gives? WHISTLE SHRIEKING. SWISH PAN TO: CLOCK Reading five o'clock. SWISH PAN TO: WORKERS Rising from their desks, collecting personal effects, putting on their hats and coats. TIME CLOCK Busy hands punch out. INT. EMPTY HALLWAY Of the executive floor. A security man walks down the hall, whistling, swinging a ring of keys. After he passes the door to the ladies' room it opens, Amy peeks out, emerges, goes into Norville's office. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE She goes to the desk, takes out the appointment book, flips through it. BOOK Still empty except for the one date with the Wilkie Grammer School Junior Achievers Club, which now has a red line drawn across it with the notation CANCELED. AMY looks around the office -- notices something. DOOR Set into the wall to one side it is topped by a small plaque: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. Amy tries the knob, which turns, and enters. INT. ROOM It is big and dim, several stories high, with spiral staircases reaching into, and catwalks criss-crossing, the gloom above. It is filled with contraptions -- works, cogs, gears. There is no window, but on what would be the window wall there is an enormous iron ring with a metal rod sweeping an interior circle. It is the backside of the great Hudsucker clock. Amy gazes about. She crosses to a door opposite the one she entered from. She stoops to peek through its keyhole. HER POV We are LOOKING INTO Sidney J. Mussburger's office. Mussburger sits at his desk barking into a Dictaphone. CLICK-CLICK-CLICK -- the PERPETUAL MOTION BALLS on his desk are going full-tilt; THRUMMMMMMM -- the CLOCK'S exterior second hand sweeps a shadow across the office. Mussburger, it seems, never sleeps. MUSSBURGER Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A49. To: Director of the Jacksonville Facility. Copies to: Legal Affairs, Business Affairs, Central Files. Re: Movement of Raw Materials from the Huron Facility. Due to unfavorable news in the slag markets, Jacksonville inventory must be reduced by 15 percent with overflow diverted to the Waukegan Stamping Facility. Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A50. To: Director of -- BACK TO SCENE VOICE (O.S.) Watchoo doin' down they, Miss Archuh? AMY Huh?! She straightens and turns. Facing her is a very old BLACK MAN in a janitor's jumpsuit with HUDSUCKER INDUSTRIES/The Future Is Now emblazoned across it. We might recognize his voice as that of the narrator who opened the movie. AMY Who are you? How did you know who I am? MOSES (BLACK MAN) Ah guess ole Moses knows jes about ever'thing, leastways if it concerns Hudsuckuh. AMY But -- who are you -- what d'you do here? MOSES Ah keeps the ol' circle turning -- this ol' clock needs plenty o' care. Time is money, Miss Archuh, and money -- it drives that ol' global economy and keeps big Daddy Earth a-spinnin' on 'roun'. Ya see, without that capital fo'mation -- AMY Yeah, yeah. Say, you won't tell anyone about me, will you? MOSES I don't tell no one nothin' lessen they ask. Thatches ain't ole Moses' way. AMY So if you know everything about Hudsucker, tell me why the Board decided to make Norville Barnes president. MOSES Well, that even surprised ole Moses at fust. I didn't think the Board was that smart. AMY That smart?! MOSES But then I figured it out: they did it 'cause they figured young Norville for an imbecile. Like some othuh people ah know. AMY Why on earth would they want a nitwit to be president? MOSES 'Cause they's little pigglies! They's tryin' to inspire panic, make that stock git cheap so's they can snitch it all up fo' themselves! But Norville, he's got some tricks up his sleeve, he does... He draws a circle with his finger in the air. MOSES ...you know, fo' kids? Yeah, he's a smart one, that Norville, heh-heh, he's a caution. Wal, some folks is square, an' some is hip -- To punctuate, he gives a little jerk of his hips. MOSES ...But I guess you don't really know him any better than that board does, do ya, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, maybe I -- MOSES An' only some kind a knucklehead thinks she knows things 'bout things she, uh -- when she don't, uh -- How'd that go? AMY (bristling) It's hardly the same -- MOSES Why you don't even know y'own self -- you ain't exactly the genuine article are you, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, in connection with my job, sometimes I have to go undercover as it were -- MOSES I don't mean that! Why you pretendin' to be such a hard ol' sourpuss! Ain't never gonna make you happy! Never made Warin' happy. AMY (uncomfortably) I'm happy enough. MOSES (chuckles) Okay, Miss Archuh. (turns and walks away) ...I got gears to see to. AMY (calls after him) I'm plenty happy! She is answered only by WHIRRING MACHINERY. MOSES Elsewhere in the great room, he is hunkered down next to a catchment which he buffs with a greasy rag. Amy's VOICE ECHOES UP: AMY (O.S.) ...Hello? MOSES (muttering to himself) Them po' young folks. Looks like Norville's in fo' the same kind o' heartache ol' Warin' had. But then, she never axed me 'bout dat... As OMINOUS MUSIC SWELLS, we -- FADE OUT: FADE IN: INT. CHIEF'S OFFICE He slams down a typescript. CHIEF I can't print this! AMY Why not, it's all true! The board is using this poor guy! They're depressing the stock so they can buy it cheap! CHIEF It's pure speculation! Why, they'd have my butt in a satchel! SMITTY (chuckling) Ol' satchel-butt... AMY I know they're gonna buy that stock -- CHIEF You don't know anything! Fact is they haven't bought it! The stock is cheap, Archer! What're they waiting for? AMY I don't know... SMITTY Amy's hunches are usually pretty good, Chief. CHIEF You don't accuse someone of stock manipulation on a hunch, Ignatz! The readers of the Manhattan Argus aren't interested in sensationalism, gossip and unsupported speculation. Facts, figures -- those are the tools of the newspaper trade! Why it's almost as if you're trying to take the heat off this Barnes numbskull -- like you've gone all soft on him! SMITTY Come on, Chief, that's a low blow. Archer's not gonna go goey for a corn-fed idiot. CHIEF All right, I was out of line. But you're out of line with this stock swindle story. Gimme some more of that Moron-from-Sheboygan stuff -- AMY Muncie. CHIEF Whatever. That's what sells newspapers. AMY I've got an even hotter story -- The Sap from the City Desk. CHIEF Watch it, Archer -- AMY It's about a dimwitted editor who -- SMITTY Easy, Amy... He gives her a companionable goose. SMITTY ...Let's grab a highball and calm down. She whirls and slaps him. AMY Back off -- smoocher! Smitty rubs his cheek, staring as she storms off. SMITTY (angry) Say, what gives? ENGRAVED INVITATION IT READS: Sidney J. Mussburger President Norville Barnes and The Board of Hudsucker Industries CORDIALLY INVITE YOU TO The Annual Fancy-Dress Hudsucker Christmas Gala Music, Dancing, Refreshments (Dainties) Formal Evening Attire de Rigeuer. The MUSIC OVER the invitation -- "WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS" -- SEGUES INTO the dance music of the Hudsucker Chamber Orchestra. DANCING COUPLES FILL the SCREEN; we GLIDE AMONG them and FINALLY COME to follow one couple: Norville and MRS. MUSSBURGER, a large middle-aged woman of the Margaret Dumont-mold in an elaborately flowered and old-fashioned evening gown, low-cut in spite of her overly-heavy figure. She wears a large flowered hat with a rolled-up veil. MRS. MUSSBURGER -- So we'd gone out to the Hamptons and the garden was in positive ruins! NORVILLE That must have been quite a disappointment, Mrs. Mussburger. MRS. MUSSBURGER Disappointment? J'etais destroyee! I was in bed for a week! Positively sick with fury! I called in the gardener and said, 'Monsieur Gonzalez, either those azaleas come up next spring or you are terminee! She throws her head back and roars with laughter. ANGLE - THEIR FEET As the large woman leans back to laugh, her feet stay planted on the ground and Norville's rise to be dragged with his toes scraping the floor through the continuing dance. MRS. MUSSBURGER I'm brushing up on my French with the most charming man, Pierre of Fifth Avenue. Do you know him? NORVILLE I haven't had -- MRS. MUSSBURGER Sidney and I are planning a trip to Paris and points continental -- Aren't we, dear? Mussburger has ENTERED FRAME. MUSSBURGER Sure, sure. I'm going to borrow Norville for a while, if you don't mind, dear. MIXING DOWN as they leave her: MRS. MUSSBURGER Well, frankly, I... NORVILLE You have a charming wife, Mr. Muss -- uh, Sid. MUSSBURGER So they tell me. Norville, let me shepherd you through some of the introductions here. Try not to talk too much; some of our biggest stockholders are, uh -- scratch that: Say whatever you want. ENTRYWAY As Amy enters in a simple yet stunning evening gown. She looks around the room, then starts across the crowded floor towards the punch bowl. NORVILLE As Mussburger introduces him to a tall, imposing BUSINESSMAN in a tuxedo and a ten-gallon hat. MUSSBURGER Norville Barnes, allow me to introduce Mr. Zebulon Cardozo, one of Hudsucker Industries largest and most loyal stockholders. Ignoring Norville's proffered hand: CARDOZO (BUSINESSMAN) Dammit boy, what's this I hear about you bein' an embecile? What the hell is ailin' ya?! A week ago my stock was worth twice what it is now! I'm considering dumping the whole shootin' match, unless I see some vast improvement! Dammit, boy, It's a range war! Either you pull our wagons into a circle or I'm pullin' out of the wagon train! Norville gives him a forced but hearty laugh of reassurance. NORVILLE No need for concern, sir; it's only natural in a period of transition for the more timid element to run for cover -- CARDOZO So I'm yella, am I?!! He starts peeling off his tuxedo jacket: CARDOZO ...We'll see who's yella!! His WIFE, a small wiry woman, steps in as Mussburger starts dragging Norville away. MRS. CARDOZO Zebulon, you mind now and quit bein' sech an ole grizzly. As he reluctantly starts shrugging back into the jacket: CARDOZO Aww, I wasn't gonna hurt the boy, Lorelei... MUSSBURGER AND NORVILLE As they make their way through the room Norville is mopping at his brow with a handkerchief. NORVILLE I'm sorry, Sid, I thought maybe if I showed him the long view we might -- Thump! Dabbing at his brow, Norville has walked square into the back of a debonaire man

whips

How many times the word 'whips' appears in the text?

(O.S.) He don't look wise. As Norville turns to leave: VETERAN #2 (O.S.) How does she pull this out? She puts the back of her hand dramatically to her forehead. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) (disbelieving) She isn't! VETERAN #2 (O.S.) (thrilled) She is! And indeed she does: Faint dead away, falling backwards on the stool, so that Norville has no choice but to catch her. Norville holds her awkwardly, looking around for help. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) She's good, Bennie. VETERAN #2 (O.S.) She's damn good, Lou. A WAITRESS enters extreme f.g. to BLOCK OUR VIEW of the swooned woman and the embarrassed Norville. The Waitress is FACING the CAMERA and the two O.S. Veterans; the CROPPING gives us only her torso and the steaming pot of coffee she holds. WAITRESS (bored, nasal voice) Can I get you boys anything else? REVERSE ANGLE Back of the Waitress's torso in f.g.; on either side beyond her, the two Veterans are looking up at her O.S. face. They sport extremely bored expressions, topped by "cabbie" caps. VETERAN #1 Bromo. Beat. VETERAN #2 ...Bromo. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE Looking at its frosted-glass door; the sign painter is just finishing lettering in: NORVILLE BARNES, President. The sign painter makes way as we see Norville's shadow approaching; even from inside the room we can hear that he is WHEEZING HEAVILY. He is apparently carrying the girl, cradled in his arms. He tries to reach down to get the doorknob; can't manage it; turns to press his back against the door and get the knob with his other hand. The door opens as Norville swings around to enter. He is wheezing like a gas pipe about to explode. He swings around to kick the door shut. We see that the lettering on the door is now terribly smudged; we also see, in wet ink, on the seat of Norville's pants: senraB ellivroN tnediserP. Weakly, still cradled in Norville's arms: AMY I'm sorry we had to take the stairs. It was just that horrible little elevator boy... NORVILLE Not at all. You're light as a feather. AMY (pointing languorously) The couch, please. Still wheezing horribly, Norville staggers over to the couch and deposits her gently on it. He straightens up and looks at her. NORVILLE'S POV She is smiling wanly AT the CAMERA. The entire IMAGE PULSATES as the blood pounds behind Norville's eyeballs. We hear the LOUD, RASPING of his BREATH, resonating inside his head. Amy is talking but her voice is barely audible, as if coming from a long way away. BACK TO SCENE NORVILLE Just a minute. He perches drunkenly on the edge of the couch and puts his head between his knees, still fighting for breath. AMY I don't know what came over me. I suppose it was the shock of eating after so long without; the enzymes kicking in after so long, or whatever. But then you couldn't possibly know what it is to be tired and hungry... Speaking into his knees as he wheezes: NORVILLE Hungry, anyway. AMY I don't want to bore you with all the sordid details of my life; it's not a happy story... Norville rises and starts putting throw pillows behind her head. AMY ...Suffice it to say that I'm jobless -- though not for want of trying, that I'm friendless, with no one to -- thank you -- take care of me; and that had you not come along at just exactly the moment that you did -- She screams, staring down at the couch. Norville jumps, startled, then looks where she is looking. On the white sofa cushion where he had been sitting is printed, in wet ink, right side around: NORVILLE BARNES, President. AMY Norville, I didn't know you were president here! Norville stares dumbfounded at the sofa cushion. When the nickel finally drops, he spins around to try to look at the seat of his pants. Distracted but still modest: NORVILLE Oh, it's nothing really. Just determination and hard work... He unbuckles his trousers. NORVILLE ...Of course, when I started in the mailroom last Tuesday I thought it might take more time -- Buzz enters holding a brown paper bag. BUZZ Say, buddy, here's the whiskey you asked f -- He freezes, taking in the scene: Amy reclining on the couch; Norville standing in front of her with his pants around his ankles, still breathing heavily; the bottle of whiskey in his own hand. NORVILLE (flustered) Thank you, Buzz, just leave it on the desk. Leering: BUZZ Happy days, buddy... As he turns to leave: BUZZ ...and I'll tell your secretary you're not to be disturbed. Yowzuh!! He snaps the elastic strap under his chin. After the doors shut behind Buzz: AMY (shuddering) What a horrible little person. NORVILLE Oh, Buzz is pretty harmless, really -- AMY At any rate I arrived in town not ten days ago, full of dreams and aspirations, anxious to make my way in the world -- Norville pours a glass of whiskey and brings it over to her. AMY A little naive perhaps but -- thank you -- armed with determination, a solid work ethic, and an indomitable belief in the future -- NORVILLE I myself -- He crosses back to the desk. AMY Only to have that belief, that unsullied optimism, dashed against the marble and mortar of the modern work place -- Norville takes a cigarette from a large wood cigarette box on the desk and sticks it in his mouth. NORVILLE Cigarette? AMY No thank you. Seek and ye shall find, work and ye shall prosper -- these were the watch words of my education, the ethics of my tender years -- OVER NORVILLE'S SHOULDER He has been pushing the box towards her. The box tilts lazily forward and then disappears over the far lip of the desk. We hear the THUD of the BOX landing amid the pitter-patter of cigarettes raining onto the carpet. Amy's brow crinkles. Continuing: AMY -- these were the values that were instilled in me while I was growing up in a little town you've probably never heard of -- NORVILLE Mind if I join you? He is pouring himself a drink. AMY Be my guest. A little town you've probably -- He tosses back his drink, gags, looks at Amy with his eyes bulging. HIS POV Once again her IMAGE PULSATES. There is a ROARING SOUND and an AIRY STEAM WHISTLE as she silently moves her lips. NORVILLE He waves his arms and talks with a thick rasp as he staggers to his feet. NORVILLE Excuse me -- I -- executive washroom... He staggers out a side door. On his exit Amy leaps to her feet and scurries over to his desk. At the top of her voice: AMY Are you all right?... She throws open the top desk drawer. Inside two lonely lead pencils roll through the otherwise empty drawer. Amy expertly flips a cigarette into her mouth and strikes a match off the desktop. AMY ...Is it your lunch? The chicken a la king? From the washroom: NORVILLE (O.S.) No, I -- Amy throws open another drawer, empty except for an appointment book. As she hurriedly flips through page after blank page an arctic WIND WHISTLES emptiness. One page only has a notation: 11:45. Address Wilkie Grammar School Junior Achievers Club. AMY Is the a la king repeating on you? Amy shoves the appointment book back into the drawer. NORVILLE (O.S.) ...I'm fine, I... You were saying? She mutters: AMY Values... watchwords... uh, tender years... (aloud) -- A little town you've probably never heard of... She hastily stubs out her cigarette and waves her hand to disperse the smoke. AMY ...Muncie, Indiana. She scurries back across the room as we hear the FAUCET BEING TURNED OFF: she re-strikes her languid pose on the couch just as the washroom door opens. Norville gapes, one hand pressing a dripping rag to his forehead. NORVILLE You're from Muncie?! AMY Why yes, do you know it? Norville starts making pumping motions with his fists and loud syncopated grunting noises. Amy gapes at him. He starts singing, off-key: NORVILLE 'Fight on fight on dear old Muncie Fight on -- Hoist the gold and blue You'll be tattered, torn and hurtin' Once 'The Munce' is done with you!' Amy lamely fakes singing along, coming in louder on the last, obvious rhyme. Norville jumps an octave on it; she quickly follows sit, also pumping her fists. As Norville crosses his hands and locks thumbs in front of his nose to make bird wings of his extended fingers: NORVILLE ...Goooooooo Eagles! Amy awkwardly imitates. Norville excitedly sits behind his desk. NORVILLE ...A Muncie girl! Talk about the cat's pyjamas! Tell you what, Amy. I'm gonna cancel the rest of my appointments this afternoon and get you a job here at the Hud. AMY Oh, no, really, I -- NORVILLE Don't bother to thank me, it's the easiest thing in the world. Matter of fact, I know where a vacancy just came up. He hits the intercom. NORVILLE ...Mail room. To Amy: NORVILLE ...This'll only take a moment. INTERCOM (V.O.) Yeah? NORVILLE Good afternoon to ya, this is Norville Barnes -- INTERCOM (V.O.) Barnes! Where the hell have you been! And where's my voucher?! Norville thumps at his pockets. NORVILLE ...Well, I'm not sure where I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I need that voucher! I told you a week ago it was important! NORVILLE But look, I'm president of the company now and I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I don't care if you're president of the company! I need that voucher! Now! CLICK. The intercom goes dead. NORVILLE Oh, of all the foolish... Listen, do you take shorthand? Are you familiar with the mimeograph machine? AMY Of course -- I went to the Muncie, uh, Secretarial Polytechnic! Norville excitedly smacks a fist into a palm. NORVILLE -- A Muncie girl! Can you beat that! AMY Well, I just don't know how to thank you, Mr. Barnes -- NORVILLE Please! Norville! As he reaches to shake: NORVILLE ...It's my pleasure! She reaches for his hand but Norville snatches it away and, winking at her, hooks thumbs in front of his nose and makes wings of his fingers. NORVILLE ...Gooooooo Eagles! AMY likewise hooks her thumbs in front of her nose, makes wings, and, winking back: AMY Gooooooooo Eagles! But we PULL BACK to reveal that the girl is now in a newspaper office, demonstrating the fight sign to SMITTY, a reporter wearing a fedora with a bent-back brim. Smitty howls with laughter. SMITTY (wheezing) ...Once 'The Munce'... Holy... Amy sits down behind a typewriter and, as she starts typing at 80 words per minute: AMY And is this guy from chumpsville?! I pulled the old mother routine -- SMITTY Adenoids? AMY Lumbago. Behind her an ancient man wearing an inksman's visor and sleeve garters toils over a large checkerboarded surface over which he shuffles letter blocks and black spaces. Smitty gives a low whistle. SMITTY That gag's got whiskers on it! The PHONE RINGS and Smitty reaches for it. AMY I'm telling you, Smitty, the board of Hudsucker is up to something -- SMITTY (into phone) Yeah. ANCIENT PUZZLER Say, Amy, what's a six-letter word for an affliction of the hypothalmus? Without a break in her typing: AMY -- And it's a cinch -- Goiter -- it's a cinch this guy isn't in on it. How much time to make the Late Final? Smitty holds the phone away from his ear. SMITTY Chief. Still typing, Amy whistles and nods to her shoulder. Smitty tucks the phone into it as she continues typing. AMY Hiya, Chief, just the person I wanted to apologize to... Smitty is looking at his watch. SMITTY About seven minutes. AMY (still typing) Yeah, I was all wet about your idea man... Well, thanks for being so generous... It is human, and you are divine... No, he's no faker. He's the 100% real McCoy beware-of- imitations genuine article: the guy is a real moron -- To the Ancient Puzzler: AMY -- as in a five-letter word for imbecile -- Back into phone: AMY -- as pure a specimen as I've ever run across... Am I sure he's a nitwit? Heck, if working at the Argus doesn't make me an expert then my name isn't Amy Archer and I've never won the Pulitzer Prize... Her eyes narrow. AMY ...In 1957... My series on the reunited triplets -- come on down here, hammerhead, and I'll show it to ya... ANCIENT PUZZLER Amy, what's a three-letter word for a flightless bird? AMY Not now, Morris, I'm busy -- That's right, I said hammerhead, as in a ten-letter word for a smug bullying self-important newspaperman -- To Morris: AMY -- Gnu -- Into phone: AMY -- who couldn't find -- To Morris: AMY -- That's G-N-U -- Into phone: AMY -- couldn't find the Empire State Building with a compass, a road map and a native guide. To Morris: AMY -- or emu. She slams down the phone. To Smitty: AMY ...And that's just the potatoes, Smitty, here comes the gravy: The chump really likes me. A Muncie girl! Smitty bursts out laughing. SMITTY Better off falling for a rattlesnake. As she continues to type: AMY I'm tellin' ya, this guy's just the patsy and I'm gonna find out what for. There's a real story, Smitty, some kind of plot, a setup, a cabal, a -- oh, and say, did I tell ya?! SMITTY He didn't offer you money. AMY A sawbuck! SMITTY Ten dollars? Let's grab a highball! AMY On Norville Barnes! She rips the page out of the typewriter, swivels in her chair to FACE CAMERA as we TRACK IN CLOSE and she hollers: AMY ...Copy! DISSOLVE THROUGH TO: PRESSES rolling, churning out great quantities of newsprint. Papers piling up one on top of the other, very many, very quickly. DELIVERY MAN throwing a baled stack of papers off the back of his truck. BALED PAPER rolling into the f.g. A hand ENTERS FRAME to snip its wires and wipe off the top paper. PAPER BOY wearing an apron and a little paper boy cap, mouthing "Extra! Extra!" as he holds one of the papers aloft. PAN UP his arm TO the newspaper and, BEYOND it, the towering Hudsucker Building. All of the above -- DISSOLVING WITH: NEWSPAPER spinning TOWARDS the CAMERA and STOPPING FULL FRAME. Its headline, over a picture of Norville smiling, is "IMBECILE HEADS HUDSUCKER." The subheadline: "Not a Brain in his Head." ANOTHER ANGLE - NEWSPAPER is angrily slammed down to reveal that Norville has been reading the inside. His face twisting with fury, he leans forward and hits the intercom. NORVILLE Miss Smith, can you come in please to take a letter... Muttering to himself: NORVILLE ...of all the cockamamie... Amy is bustling in holding a steno pad and a pencil. As she seats herself in front of his desk, he rises to pace behind it. NORVILLE ...Did you happen to see the front page of today's Manhattan Argus? AMY Well, I... didn't bother to read the article. I didn't think the picture did you justice. NORVILLE The picture was fine! It's what that knuckle-headed dame wrote underneath! Of all the irresponsible... Amy, take this down: Dear Miss Archer. I call you 'Miss' because you seem to have 'missed' the boat completely on this one! How on earth would you know whether I'm an imbecile when you don't even have the guts to come in here and interview me man to man! No, change 'guts' to 'courage.' No, make it 'common decency.' These wild speculations about my intelligence -- AMY -- or lack thereof? NORVILLE (nodding) -- these preposterous inventions, would be better suited to the pages of Amazing Tales Magazine. If the editors of the Manhattan Argus see fit to publish the rantings of a disordered mind, perhaps they will see fit to publish this letter! But I doubt it. I most seriously doubt it. As I doubt also that you could find a home at Amazing Tales, a periodical which I have enjoyed for many years. Yours sincerely, et cetera. He drifts into thought. AMY Is that all, Mr. Barnes? NORVILLE ...Well, you know me, Amy, at least better than that that dame does. Do you think I'm an imbecile? AMY I'm sure I -- NORVILLE Go on, tell the truth; I trust you and I put a lot of stock in your opinion. AMY Well, I -- NORVILLE Oh sure, you're biased -- you're a fellow Muncian. But would an imbecile come up with this? He whips the cover sheet off a display pad resting on an easel to reveal a large piece of graph paper with a circle rendered onto it. Amy looks, puzzled, from the circle to Norville's proudly beaming face. NORVILLE ...I designed it myself and this is just the sweet baby that can put Hudsucker right back on top. Amy is bewildered. Norville explains: NORVILLE ...You know! For kids! AMY ...Why don't I just type this up... NORVILLE Aww, naw, Amy, that won't be necessary. I shouldn't send it; she's just doing her job, I guess. AMY Well, I don't know; maybe she does deserve it. Maybe she should've come in to face you man to man. NORVILLE Well, she probably had a deadline... AMY Sure, but -- she could still have gotten your side for the record! NORVILLE Well, it's done now -- what's the use of grousing about it. Forget the letter, Amy, I just had to blow off some steam... She gets up to leave, and is heading for the door when Norville adds: NORVILLE ...She's probably just a little confused. Amy turns at the door. AMY Confused? NORVILLE Yeah, you know, probably one of these fast-talking career gals, thinks she's one of the boys. Probably is one of the boys, if you know what I mean. AMY (through clenched teeth) I'm quite sure I don't know what you mean. NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Suffers from one of these complexes they have nowadays. Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it? She's probably very unattractive and bitter about it. AMY Oh, is that it! NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Probably dresses in men's clothing, swaps drinks with the guys at the local watering hole, and hobnobs with some smooth talking heel in the newsroom named Biff or Smoocher or... AMY Smitty. NORVILLE Exactly. And I bet she's ugly. Real ugly. Otherwise, why wouldn't they print her picture next to her byline? AMY Maybe she puts her work ahead of her personal appearance. NORVILLE I bet that's exactly what she tells herself! But you and I both know she's just a dried-up bitter old maid. Say, how about you and I grab a little dinner and a show after work? I was thinking maybe The King and I -- Whap! Amy slaps him. He stares. NORVILLE ...How about Oklahoma? As she stalks out of the office: AMY Norville Barnes, you don't know a thing about that woman! You don't know who she really is! And only a numbskull thinks he knows things about things he knows nothing about! He stares, rubbing his cheek. NORVILLE Say, what gives? WHISTLE SHRIEKING. SWISH PAN TO: CLOCK Reading five o'clock. SWISH PAN TO: WORKERS Rising from their desks, collecting personal effects, putting on their hats and coats. TIME CLOCK Busy hands punch out. INT. EMPTY HALLWAY Of the executive floor. A security man walks down the hall, whistling, swinging a ring of keys. After he passes the door to the ladies' room it opens, Amy peeks out, emerges, goes into Norville's office. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE She goes to the desk, takes out the appointment book, flips through it. BOOK Still empty except for the one date with the Wilkie Grammer School Junior Achievers Club, which now has a red line drawn across it with the notation CANCELED. AMY looks around the office -- notices something. DOOR Set into the wall to one side it is topped by a small plaque: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. Amy tries the knob, which turns, and enters. INT. ROOM It is big and dim, several stories high, with spiral staircases reaching into, and catwalks criss-crossing, the gloom above. It is filled with contraptions -- works, cogs, gears. There is no window, but on what would be the window wall there is an enormous iron ring with a metal rod sweeping an interior circle. It is the backside of the great Hudsucker clock. Amy gazes about. She crosses to a door opposite the one she entered from. She stoops to peek through its keyhole. HER POV We are LOOKING INTO Sidney J. Mussburger's office. Mussburger sits at his desk barking into a Dictaphone. CLICK-CLICK-CLICK -- the PERPETUAL MOTION BALLS on his desk are going full-tilt; THRUMMMMMMM -- the CLOCK'S exterior second hand sweeps a shadow across the office. Mussburger, it seems, never sleeps. MUSSBURGER Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A49. To: Director of the Jacksonville Facility. Copies to: Legal Affairs, Business Affairs, Central Files. Re: Movement of Raw Materials from the Huron Facility. Due to unfavorable news in the slag markets, Jacksonville inventory must be reduced by 15 percent with overflow diverted to the Waukegan Stamping Facility. Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A50. To: Director of -- BACK TO SCENE VOICE (O.S.) Watchoo doin' down they, Miss Archuh? AMY Huh?! She straightens and turns. Facing her is a very old BLACK MAN in a janitor's jumpsuit with HUDSUCKER INDUSTRIES/The Future Is Now emblazoned across it. We might recognize his voice as that of the narrator who opened the movie. AMY Who are you? How did you know who I am? MOSES (BLACK MAN) Ah guess ole Moses knows jes about ever'thing, leastways if it concerns Hudsuckuh. AMY But -- who are you -- what d'you do here? MOSES Ah keeps the ol' circle turning -- this ol' clock needs plenty o' care. Time is money, Miss Archuh, and money -- it drives that ol' global economy and keeps big Daddy Earth a-spinnin' on 'roun'. Ya see, without that capital fo'mation -- AMY Yeah, yeah. Say, you won't tell anyone about me, will you? MOSES I don't tell no one nothin' lessen they ask. Thatches ain't ole Moses' way. AMY So if you know everything about Hudsucker, tell me why the Board decided to make Norville Barnes president. MOSES Well, that even surprised ole Moses at fust. I didn't think the Board was that smart. AMY That smart?! MOSES But then I figured it out: they did it 'cause they figured young Norville for an imbecile. Like some othuh people ah know. AMY Why on earth would they want a nitwit to be president? MOSES 'Cause they's little pigglies! They's tryin' to inspire panic, make that stock git cheap so's they can snitch it all up fo' themselves! But Norville, he's got some tricks up his sleeve, he does... He draws a circle with his finger in the air. MOSES ...you know, fo' kids? Yeah, he's a smart one, that Norville, heh-heh, he's a caution. Wal, some folks is square, an' some is hip -- To punctuate, he gives a little jerk of his hips. MOSES ...But I guess you don't really know him any better than that board does, do ya, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, maybe I -- MOSES An' only some kind a knucklehead thinks she knows things 'bout things she, uh -- when she don't, uh -- How'd that go? AMY (bristling) It's hardly the same -- MOSES Why you don't even know y'own self -- you ain't exactly the genuine article are you, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, in connection with my job, sometimes I have to go undercover as it were -- MOSES I don't mean that! Why you pretendin' to be such a hard ol' sourpuss! Ain't never gonna make you happy! Never made Warin' happy. AMY (uncomfortably) I'm happy enough. MOSES (chuckles) Okay, Miss Archuh. (turns and walks away) ...I got gears to see to. AMY (calls after him) I'm plenty happy! She is answered only by WHIRRING MACHINERY. MOSES Elsewhere in the great room, he is hunkered down next to a catchment which he buffs with a greasy rag. Amy's VOICE ECHOES UP: AMY (O.S.) ...Hello? MOSES (muttering to himself) Them po' young folks. Looks like Norville's in fo' the same kind o' heartache ol' Warin' had. But then, she never axed me 'bout dat... As OMINOUS MUSIC SWELLS, we -- FADE OUT: FADE IN: INT. CHIEF'S OFFICE He slams down a typescript. CHIEF I can't print this! AMY Why not, it's all true! The board is using this poor guy! They're depressing the stock so they can buy it cheap! CHIEF It's pure speculation! Why, they'd have my butt in a satchel! SMITTY (chuckling) Ol' satchel-butt... AMY I know they're gonna buy that stock -- CHIEF You don't know anything! Fact is they haven't bought it! The stock is cheap, Archer! What're they waiting for? AMY I don't know... SMITTY Amy's hunches are usually pretty good, Chief. CHIEF You don't accuse someone of stock manipulation on a hunch, Ignatz! The readers of the Manhattan Argus aren't interested in sensationalism, gossip and unsupported speculation. Facts, figures -- those are the tools of the newspaper trade! Why it's almost as if you're trying to take the heat off this Barnes numbskull -- like you've gone all soft on him! SMITTY Come on, Chief, that's a low blow. Archer's not gonna go goey for a corn-fed idiot. CHIEF All right, I was out of line. But you're out of line with this stock swindle story. Gimme some more of that Moron-from-Sheboygan stuff -- AMY Muncie. CHIEF Whatever. That's what sells newspapers. AMY I've got an even hotter story -- The Sap from the City Desk. CHIEF Watch it, Archer -- AMY It's about a dimwitted editor who -- SMITTY Easy, Amy... He gives her a companionable goose. SMITTY ...Let's grab a highball and calm down. She whirls and slaps him. AMY Back off -- smoocher! Smitty rubs his cheek, staring as she storms off. SMITTY (angry) Say, what gives? ENGRAVED INVITATION IT READS: Sidney J. Mussburger President Norville Barnes and The Board of Hudsucker Industries CORDIALLY INVITE YOU TO The Annual Fancy-Dress Hudsucker Christmas Gala Music, Dancing, Refreshments (Dainties) Formal Evening Attire de Rigeuer. The MUSIC OVER the invitation -- "WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS" -- SEGUES INTO the dance music of the Hudsucker Chamber Orchestra. DANCING COUPLES FILL the SCREEN; we GLIDE AMONG them and FINALLY COME to follow one couple: Norville and MRS. MUSSBURGER, a large middle-aged woman of the Margaret Dumont-mold in an elaborately flowered and old-fashioned evening gown, low-cut in spite of her overly-heavy figure. She wears a large flowered hat with a rolled-up veil. MRS. MUSSBURGER -- So we'd gone out to the Hamptons and the garden was in positive ruins! NORVILLE That must have been quite a disappointment, Mrs. Mussburger. MRS. MUSSBURGER Disappointment? J'etais destroyee! I was in bed for a week! Positively sick with fury! I called in the gardener and said, 'Monsieur Gonzalez, either those azaleas come up next spring or you are terminee! She throws her head back and roars with laughter. ANGLE - THEIR FEET As the large woman leans back to laugh, her feet stay planted on the ground and Norville's rise to be dragged with his toes scraping the floor through the continuing dance. MRS. MUSSBURGER I'm brushing up on my French with the most charming man, Pierre of Fifth Avenue. Do you know him? NORVILLE I haven't had -- MRS. MUSSBURGER Sidney and I are planning a trip to Paris and points continental -- Aren't we, dear? Mussburger has ENTERED FRAME. MUSSBURGER Sure, sure. I'm going to borrow Norville for a while, if you don't mind, dear. MIXING DOWN as they leave her: MRS. MUSSBURGER Well, frankly, I... NORVILLE You have a charming wife, Mr. Muss -- uh, Sid. MUSSBURGER So they tell me. Norville, let me shepherd you through some of the introductions here. Try not to talk too much; some of our biggest stockholders are, uh -- scratch that: Say whatever you want. ENTRYWAY As Amy enters in a simple yet stunning evening gown. She looks around the room, then starts across the crowded floor towards the punch bowl. NORVILLE As Mussburger introduces him to a tall, imposing BUSINESSMAN in a tuxedo and a ten-gallon hat. MUSSBURGER Norville Barnes, allow me to introduce Mr. Zebulon Cardozo, one of Hudsucker Industries largest and most loyal stockholders. Ignoring Norville's proffered hand: CARDOZO (BUSINESSMAN) Dammit boy, what's this I hear about you bein' an embecile? What the hell is ailin' ya?! A week ago my stock was worth twice what it is now! I'm considering dumping the whole shootin' match, unless I see some vast improvement! Dammit, boy, It's a range war! Either you pull our wagons into a circle or I'm pullin' out of the wagon train! Norville gives him a forced but hearty laugh of reassurance. NORVILLE No need for concern, sir; it's only natural in a period of transition for the more timid element to run for cover -- CARDOZO So I'm yella, am I?!! He starts peeling off his tuxedo jacket: CARDOZO ...We'll see who's yella!! His WIFE, a small wiry woman, steps in as Mussburger starts dragging Norville away. MRS. CARDOZO Zebulon, you mind now and quit bein' sech an ole grizzly. As he reluctantly starts shrugging back into the jacket: CARDOZO Aww, I wasn't gonna hurt the boy, Lorelei... MUSSBURGER AND NORVILLE As they make their way through the room Norville is mopping at his brow with a handkerchief. NORVILLE I'm sorry, Sid, I thought maybe if I showed him the long view we might -- Thump! Dabbing at his brow, Norville has walked square into the back of a debonaire man

washroom

How many times the word 'washroom' appears in the text?

(O.S.) He don't look wise. As Norville turns to leave: VETERAN #2 (O.S.) How does she pull this out? She puts the back of her hand dramatically to her forehead. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) (disbelieving) She isn't! VETERAN #2 (O.S.) (thrilled) She is! And indeed she does: Faint dead away, falling backwards on the stool, so that Norville has no choice but to catch her. Norville holds her awkwardly, looking around for help. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) She's good, Bennie. VETERAN #2 (O.S.) She's damn good, Lou. A WAITRESS enters extreme f.g. to BLOCK OUR VIEW of the swooned woman and the embarrassed Norville. The Waitress is FACING the CAMERA and the two O.S. Veterans; the CROPPING gives us only her torso and the steaming pot of coffee she holds. WAITRESS (bored, nasal voice) Can I get you boys anything else? REVERSE ANGLE Back of the Waitress's torso in f.g.; on either side beyond her, the two Veterans are looking up at her O.S. face. They sport extremely bored expressions, topped by "cabbie" caps. VETERAN #1 Bromo. Beat. VETERAN #2 ...Bromo. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE Looking at its frosted-glass door; the sign painter is just finishing lettering in: NORVILLE BARNES, President. The sign painter makes way as we see Norville's shadow approaching; even from inside the room we can hear that he is WHEEZING HEAVILY. He is apparently carrying the girl, cradled in his arms. He tries to reach down to get the doorknob; can't manage it; turns to press his back against the door and get the knob with his other hand. The door opens as Norville swings around to enter. He is wheezing like a gas pipe about to explode. He swings around to kick the door shut. We see that the lettering on the door is now terribly smudged; we also see, in wet ink, on the seat of Norville's pants: senraB ellivroN tnediserP. Weakly, still cradled in Norville's arms: AMY I'm sorry we had to take the stairs. It was just that horrible little elevator boy... NORVILLE Not at all. You're light as a feather. AMY (pointing languorously) The couch, please. Still wheezing horribly, Norville staggers over to the couch and deposits her gently on it. He straightens up and looks at her. NORVILLE'S POV She is smiling wanly AT the CAMERA. The entire IMAGE PULSATES as the blood pounds behind Norville's eyeballs. We hear the LOUD, RASPING of his BREATH, resonating inside his head. Amy is talking but her voice is barely audible, as if coming from a long way away. BACK TO SCENE NORVILLE Just a minute. He perches drunkenly on the edge of the couch and puts his head between his knees, still fighting for breath. AMY I don't know what came over me. I suppose it was the shock of eating after so long without; the enzymes kicking in after so long, or whatever. But then you couldn't possibly know what it is to be tired and hungry... Speaking into his knees as he wheezes: NORVILLE Hungry, anyway. AMY I don't want to bore you with all the sordid details of my life; it's not a happy story... Norville rises and starts putting throw pillows behind her head. AMY ...Suffice it to say that I'm jobless -- though not for want of trying, that I'm friendless, with no one to -- thank you -- take care of me; and that had you not come along at just exactly the moment that you did -- She screams, staring down at the couch. Norville jumps, startled, then looks where she is looking. On the white sofa cushion where he had been sitting is printed, in wet ink, right side around: NORVILLE BARNES, President. AMY Norville, I didn't know you were president here! Norville stares dumbfounded at the sofa cushion. When the nickel finally drops, he spins around to try to look at the seat of his pants. Distracted but still modest: NORVILLE Oh, it's nothing really. Just determination and hard work... He unbuckles his trousers. NORVILLE ...Of course, when I started in the mailroom last Tuesday I thought it might take more time -- Buzz enters holding a brown paper bag. BUZZ Say, buddy, here's the whiskey you asked f -- He freezes, taking in the scene: Amy reclining on the couch; Norville standing in front of her with his pants around his ankles, still breathing heavily; the bottle of whiskey in his own hand. NORVILLE (flustered) Thank you, Buzz, just leave it on the desk. Leering: BUZZ Happy days, buddy... As he turns to leave: BUZZ ...and I'll tell your secretary you're not to be disturbed. Yowzuh!! He snaps the elastic strap under his chin. After the doors shut behind Buzz: AMY (shuddering) What a horrible little person. NORVILLE Oh, Buzz is pretty harmless, really -- AMY At any rate I arrived in town not ten days ago, full of dreams and aspirations, anxious to make my way in the world -- Norville pours a glass of whiskey and brings it over to her. AMY A little naive perhaps but -- thank you -- armed with determination, a solid work ethic, and an indomitable belief in the future -- NORVILLE I myself -- He crosses back to the desk. AMY Only to have that belief, that unsullied optimism, dashed against the marble and mortar of the modern work place -- Norville takes a cigarette from a large wood cigarette box on the desk and sticks it in his mouth. NORVILLE Cigarette? AMY No thank you. Seek and ye shall find, work and ye shall prosper -- these were the watch words of my education, the ethics of my tender years -- OVER NORVILLE'S SHOULDER He has been pushing the box towards her. The box tilts lazily forward and then disappears over the far lip of the desk. We hear the THUD of the BOX landing amid the pitter-patter of cigarettes raining onto the carpet. Amy's brow crinkles. Continuing: AMY -- these were the values that were instilled in me while I was growing up in a little town you've probably never heard of -- NORVILLE Mind if I join you? He is pouring himself a drink. AMY Be my guest. A little town you've probably -- He tosses back his drink, gags, looks at Amy with his eyes bulging. HIS POV Once again her IMAGE PULSATES. There is a ROARING SOUND and an AIRY STEAM WHISTLE as she silently moves her lips. NORVILLE He waves his arms and talks with a thick rasp as he staggers to his feet. NORVILLE Excuse me -- I -- executive washroom... He staggers out a side door. On his exit Amy leaps to her feet and scurries over to his desk. At the top of her voice: AMY Are you all right?... She throws open the top desk drawer. Inside two lonely lead pencils roll through the otherwise empty drawer. Amy expertly flips a cigarette into her mouth and strikes a match off the desktop. AMY ...Is it your lunch? The chicken a la king? From the washroom: NORVILLE (O.S.) No, I -- Amy throws open another drawer, empty except for an appointment book. As she hurriedly flips through page after blank page an arctic WIND WHISTLES emptiness. One page only has a notation: 11:45. Address Wilkie Grammar School Junior Achievers Club. AMY Is the a la king repeating on you? Amy shoves the appointment book back into the drawer. NORVILLE (O.S.) ...I'm fine, I... You were saying? She mutters: AMY Values... watchwords... uh, tender years... (aloud) -- A little town you've probably never heard of... She hastily stubs out her cigarette and waves her hand to disperse the smoke. AMY ...Muncie, Indiana. She scurries back across the room as we hear the FAUCET BEING TURNED OFF: she re-strikes her languid pose on the couch just as the washroom door opens. Norville gapes, one hand pressing a dripping rag to his forehead. NORVILLE You're from Muncie?! AMY Why yes, do you know it? Norville starts making pumping motions with his fists and loud syncopated grunting noises. Amy gapes at him. He starts singing, off-key: NORVILLE 'Fight on fight on dear old Muncie Fight on -- Hoist the gold and blue You'll be tattered, torn and hurtin' Once 'The Munce' is done with you!' Amy lamely fakes singing along, coming in louder on the last, obvious rhyme. Norville jumps an octave on it; she quickly follows sit, also pumping her fists. As Norville crosses his hands and locks thumbs in front of his nose to make bird wings of his extended fingers: NORVILLE ...Goooooooo Eagles! Amy awkwardly imitates. Norville excitedly sits behind his desk. NORVILLE ...A Muncie girl! Talk about the cat's pyjamas! Tell you what, Amy. I'm gonna cancel the rest of my appointments this afternoon and get you a job here at the Hud. AMY Oh, no, really, I -- NORVILLE Don't bother to thank me, it's the easiest thing in the world. Matter of fact, I know where a vacancy just came up. He hits the intercom. NORVILLE ...Mail room. To Amy: NORVILLE ...This'll only take a moment. INTERCOM (V.O.) Yeah? NORVILLE Good afternoon to ya, this is Norville Barnes -- INTERCOM (V.O.) Barnes! Where the hell have you been! And where's my voucher?! Norville thumps at his pockets. NORVILLE ...Well, I'm not sure where I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I need that voucher! I told you a week ago it was important! NORVILLE But look, I'm president of the company now and I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I don't care if you're president of the company! I need that voucher! Now! CLICK. The intercom goes dead. NORVILLE Oh, of all the foolish... Listen, do you take shorthand? Are you familiar with the mimeograph machine? AMY Of course -- I went to the Muncie, uh, Secretarial Polytechnic! Norville excitedly smacks a fist into a palm. NORVILLE -- A Muncie girl! Can you beat that! AMY Well, I just don't know how to thank you, Mr. Barnes -- NORVILLE Please! Norville! As he reaches to shake: NORVILLE ...It's my pleasure! She reaches for his hand but Norville snatches it away and, winking at her, hooks thumbs in front of his nose and makes wings of his fingers. NORVILLE ...Gooooooo Eagles! AMY likewise hooks her thumbs in front of her nose, makes wings, and, winking back: AMY Gooooooooo Eagles! But we PULL BACK to reveal that the girl is now in a newspaper office, demonstrating the fight sign to SMITTY, a reporter wearing a fedora with a bent-back brim. Smitty howls with laughter. SMITTY (wheezing) ...Once 'The Munce'... Holy... Amy sits down behind a typewriter and, as she starts typing at 80 words per minute: AMY And is this guy from chumpsville?! I pulled the old mother routine -- SMITTY Adenoids? AMY Lumbago. Behind her an ancient man wearing an inksman's visor and sleeve garters toils over a large checkerboarded surface over which he shuffles letter blocks and black spaces. Smitty gives a low whistle. SMITTY That gag's got whiskers on it! The PHONE RINGS and Smitty reaches for it. AMY I'm telling you, Smitty, the board of Hudsucker is up to something -- SMITTY (into phone) Yeah. ANCIENT PUZZLER Say, Amy, what's a six-letter word for an affliction of the hypothalmus? Without a break in her typing: AMY -- And it's a cinch -- Goiter -- it's a cinch this guy isn't in on it. How much time to make the Late Final? Smitty holds the phone away from his ear. SMITTY Chief. Still typing, Amy whistles and nods to her shoulder. Smitty tucks the phone into it as she continues typing. AMY Hiya, Chief, just the person I wanted to apologize to... Smitty is looking at his watch. SMITTY About seven minutes. AMY (still typing) Yeah, I was all wet about your idea man... Well, thanks for being so generous... It is human, and you are divine... No, he's no faker. He's the 100% real McCoy beware-of- imitations genuine article: the guy is a real moron -- To the Ancient Puzzler: AMY -- as in a five-letter word for imbecile -- Back into phone: AMY -- as pure a specimen as I've ever run across... Am I sure he's a nitwit? Heck, if working at the Argus doesn't make me an expert then my name isn't Amy Archer and I've never won the Pulitzer Prize... Her eyes narrow. AMY ...In 1957... My series on the reunited triplets -- come on down here, hammerhead, and I'll show it to ya... ANCIENT PUZZLER Amy, what's a three-letter word for a flightless bird? AMY Not now, Morris, I'm busy -- That's right, I said hammerhead, as in a ten-letter word for a smug bullying self-important newspaperman -- To Morris: AMY -- Gnu -- Into phone: AMY -- who couldn't find -- To Morris: AMY -- That's G-N-U -- Into phone: AMY -- couldn't find the Empire State Building with a compass, a road map and a native guide. To Morris: AMY -- or emu. She slams down the phone. To Smitty: AMY ...And that's just the potatoes, Smitty, here comes the gravy: The chump really likes me. A Muncie girl! Smitty bursts out laughing. SMITTY Better off falling for a rattlesnake. As she continues to type: AMY I'm tellin' ya, this guy's just the patsy and I'm gonna find out what for. There's a real story, Smitty, some kind of plot, a setup, a cabal, a -- oh, and say, did I tell ya?! SMITTY He didn't offer you money. AMY A sawbuck! SMITTY Ten dollars? Let's grab a highball! AMY On Norville Barnes! She rips the page out of the typewriter, swivels in her chair to FACE CAMERA as we TRACK IN CLOSE and she hollers: AMY ...Copy! DISSOLVE THROUGH TO: PRESSES rolling, churning out great quantities of newsprint. Papers piling up one on top of the other, very many, very quickly. DELIVERY MAN throwing a baled stack of papers off the back of his truck. BALED PAPER rolling into the f.g. A hand ENTERS FRAME to snip its wires and wipe off the top paper. PAPER BOY wearing an apron and a little paper boy cap, mouthing "Extra! Extra!" as he holds one of the papers aloft. PAN UP his arm TO the newspaper and, BEYOND it, the towering Hudsucker Building. All of the above -- DISSOLVING WITH: NEWSPAPER spinning TOWARDS the CAMERA and STOPPING FULL FRAME. Its headline, over a picture of Norville smiling, is "IMBECILE HEADS HUDSUCKER." The subheadline: "Not a Brain in his Head." ANOTHER ANGLE - NEWSPAPER is angrily slammed down to reveal that Norville has been reading the inside. His face twisting with fury, he leans forward and hits the intercom. NORVILLE Miss Smith, can you come in please to take a letter... Muttering to himself: NORVILLE ...of all the cockamamie... Amy is bustling in holding a steno pad and a pencil. As she seats herself in front of his desk, he rises to pace behind it. NORVILLE ...Did you happen to see the front page of today's Manhattan Argus? AMY Well, I... didn't bother to read the article. I didn't think the picture did you justice. NORVILLE The picture was fine! It's what that knuckle-headed dame wrote underneath! Of all the irresponsible... Amy, take this down: Dear Miss Archer. I call you 'Miss' because you seem to have 'missed' the boat completely on this one! How on earth would you know whether I'm an imbecile when you don't even have the guts to come in here and interview me man to man! No, change 'guts' to 'courage.' No, make it 'common decency.' These wild speculations about my intelligence -- AMY -- or lack thereof? NORVILLE (nodding) -- these preposterous inventions, would be better suited to the pages of Amazing Tales Magazine. If the editors of the Manhattan Argus see fit to publish the rantings of a disordered mind, perhaps they will see fit to publish this letter! But I doubt it. I most seriously doubt it. As I doubt also that you could find a home at Amazing Tales, a periodical which I have enjoyed for many years. Yours sincerely, et cetera. He drifts into thought. AMY Is that all, Mr. Barnes? NORVILLE ...Well, you know me, Amy, at least better than that that dame does. Do you think I'm an imbecile? AMY I'm sure I -- NORVILLE Go on, tell the truth; I trust you and I put a lot of stock in your opinion. AMY Well, I -- NORVILLE Oh sure, you're biased -- you're a fellow Muncian. But would an imbecile come up with this? He whips the cover sheet off a display pad resting on an easel to reveal a large piece of graph paper with a circle rendered onto it. Amy looks, puzzled, from the circle to Norville's proudly beaming face. NORVILLE ...I designed it myself and this is just the sweet baby that can put Hudsucker right back on top. Amy is bewildered. Norville explains: NORVILLE ...You know! For kids! AMY ...Why don't I just type this up... NORVILLE Aww, naw, Amy, that won't be necessary. I shouldn't send it; she's just doing her job, I guess. AMY Well, I don't know; maybe she does deserve it. Maybe she should've come in to face you man to man. NORVILLE Well, she probably had a deadline... AMY Sure, but -- she could still have gotten your side for the record! NORVILLE Well, it's done now -- what's the use of grousing about it. Forget the letter, Amy, I just had to blow off some steam... She gets up to leave, and is heading for the door when Norville adds: NORVILLE ...She's probably just a little confused. Amy turns at the door. AMY Confused? NORVILLE Yeah, you know, probably one of these fast-talking career gals, thinks she's one of the boys. Probably is one of the boys, if you know what I mean. AMY (through clenched teeth) I'm quite sure I don't know what you mean. NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Suffers from one of these complexes they have nowadays. Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it? She's probably very unattractive and bitter about it. AMY Oh, is that it! NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Probably dresses in men's clothing, swaps drinks with the guys at the local watering hole, and hobnobs with some smooth talking heel in the newsroom named Biff or Smoocher or... AMY Smitty. NORVILLE Exactly. And I bet she's ugly. Real ugly. Otherwise, why wouldn't they print her picture next to her byline? AMY Maybe she puts her work ahead of her personal appearance. NORVILLE I bet that's exactly what she tells herself! But you and I both know she's just a dried-up bitter old maid. Say, how about you and I grab a little dinner and a show after work? I was thinking maybe The King and I -- Whap! Amy slaps him. He stares. NORVILLE ...How about Oklahoma? As she stalks out of the office: AMY Norville Barnes, you don't know a thing about that woman! You don't know who she really is! And only a numbskull thinks he knows things about things he knows nothing about! He stares, rubbing his cheek. NORVILLE Say, what gives? WHISTLE SHRIEKING. SWISH PAN TO: CLOCK Reading five o'clock. SWISH PAN TO: WORKERS Rising from their desks, collecting personal effects, putting on their hats and coats. TIME CLOCK Busy hands punch out. INT. EMPTY HALLWAY Of the executive floor. A security man walks down the hall, whistling, swinging a ring of keys. After he passes the door to the ladies' room it opens, Amy peeks out, emerges, goes into Norville's office. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE She goes to the desk, takes out the appointment book, flips through it. BOOK Still empty except for the one date with the Wilkie Grammer School Junior Achievers Club, which now has a red line drawn across it with the notation CANCELED. AMY looks around the office -- notices something. DOOR Set into the wall to one side it is topped by a small plaque: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. Amy tries the knob, which turns, and enters. INT. ROOM It is big and dim, several stories high, with spiral staircases reaching into, and catwalks criss-crossing, the gloom above. It is filled with contraptions -- works, cogs, gears. There is no window, but on what would be the window wall there is an enormous iron ring with a metal rod sweeping an interior circle. It is the backside of the great Hudsucker clock. Amy gazes about. She crosses to a door opposite the one she entered from. She stoops to peek through its keyhole. HER POV We are LOOKING INTO Sidney J. Mussburger's office. Mussburger sits at his desk barking into a Dictaphone. CLICK-CLICK-CLICK -- the PERPETUAL MOTION BALLS on his desk are going full-tilt; THRUMMMMMMM -- the CLOCK'S exterior second hand sweeps a shadow across the office. Mussburger, it seems, never sleeps. MUSSBURGER Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A49. To: Director of the Jacksonville Facility. Copies to: Legal Affairs, Business Affairs, Central Files. Re: Movement of Raw Materials from the Huron Facility. Due to unfavorable news in the slag markets, Jacksonville inventory must be reduced by 15 percent with overflow diverted to the Waukegan Stamping Facility. Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A50. To: Director of -- BACK TO SCENE VOICE (O.S.) Watchoo doin' down they, Miss Archuh? AMY Huh?! She straightens and turns. Facing her is a very old BLACK MAN in a janitor's jumpsuit with HUDSUCKER INDUSTRIES/The Future Is Now emblazoned across it. We might recognize his voice as that of the narrator who opened the movie. AMY Who are you? How did you know who I am? MOSES (BLACK MAN) Ah guess ole Moses knows jes about ever'thing, leastways if it concerns Hudsuckuh. AMY But -- who are you -- what d'you do here? MOSES Ah keeps the ol' circle turning -- this ol' clock needs plenty o' care. Time is money, Miss Archuh, and money -- it drives that ol' global economy and keeps big Daddy Earth a-spinnin' on 'roun'. Ya see, without that capital fo'mation -- AMY Yeah, yeah. Say, you won't tell anyone about me, will you? MOSES I don't tell no one nothin' lessen they ask. Thatches ain't ole Moses' way. AMY So if you know everything about Hudsucker, tell me why the Board decided to make Norville Barnes president. MOSES Well, that even surprised ole Moses at fust. I didn't think the Board was that smart. AMY That smart?! MOSES But then I figured it out: they did it 'cause they figured young Norville for an imbecile. Like some othuh people ah know. AMY Why on earth would they want a nitwit to be president? MOSES 'Cause they's little pigglies! They's tryin' to inspire panic, make that stock git cheap so's they can snitch it all up fo' themselves! But Norville, he's got some tricks up his sleeve, he does... He draws a circle with his finger in the air. MOSES ...you know, fo' kids? Yeah, he's a smart one, that Norville, heh-heh, he's a caution. Wal, some folks is square, an' some is hip -- To punctuate, he gives a little jerk of his hips. MOSES ...But I guess you don't really know him any better than that board does, do ya, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, maybe I -- MOSES An' only some kind a knucklehead thinks she knows things 'bout things she, uh -- when she don't, uh -- How'd that go? AMY (bristling) It's hardly the same -- MOSES Why you don't even know y'own self -- you ain't exactly the genuine article are you, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, in connection with my job, sometimes I have to go undercover as it were -- MOSES I don't mean that! Why you pretendin' to be such a hard ol' sourpuss! Ain't never gonna make you happy! Never made Warin' happy. AMY (uncomfortably) I'm happy enough. MOSES (chuckles) Okay, Miss Archuh. (turns and walks away) ...I got gears to see to. AMY (calls after him) I'm plenty happy! She is answered only by WHIRRING MACHINERY. MOSES Elsewhere in the great room, he is hunkered down next to a catchment which he buffs with a greasy rag. Amy's VOICE ECHOES UP: AMY (O.S.) ...Hello? MOSES (muttering to himself) Them po' young folks. Looks like Norville's in fo' the same kind o' heartache ol' Warin' had. But then, she never axed me 'bout dat... As OMINOUS MUSIC SWELLS, we -- FADE OUT: FADE IN: INT. CHIEF'S OFFICE He slams down a typescript. CHIEF I can't print this! AMY Why not, it's all true! The board is using this poor guy! They're depressing the stock so they can buy it cheap! CHIEF It's pure speculation! Why, they'd have my butt in a satchel! SMITTY (chuckling) Ol' satchel-butt... AMY I know they're gonna buy that stock -- CHIEF You don't know anything! Fact is they haven't bought it! The stock is cheap, Archer! What're they waiting for? AMY I don't know... SMITTY Amy's hunches are usually pretty good, Chief. CHIEF You don't accuse someone of stock manipulation on a hunch, Ignatz! The readers of the Manhattan Argus aren't interested in sensationalism, gossip and unsupported speculation. Facts, figures -- those are the tools of the newspaper trade! Why it's almost as if you're trying to take the heat off this Barnes numbskull -- like you've gone all soft on him! SMITTY Come on, Chief, that's a low blow. Archer's not gonna go goey for a corn-fed idiot. CHIEF All right, I was out of line. But you're out of line with this stock swindle story. Gimme some more of that Moron-from-Sheboygan stuff -- AMY Muncie. CHIEF Whatever. That's what sells newspapers. AMY I've got an even hotter story -- The Sap from the City Desk. CHIEF Watch it, Archer -- AMY It's about a dimwitted editor who -- SMITTY Easy, Amy... He gives her a companionable goose. SMITTY ...Let's grab a highball and calm down. She whirls and slaps him. AMY Back off -- smoocher! Smitty rubs his cheek, staring as she storms off. SMITTY (angry) Say, what gives? ENGRAVED INVITATION IT READS: Sidney J. Mussburger President Norville Barnes and The Board of Hudsucker Industries CORDIALLY INVITE YOU TO The Annual Fancy-Dress Hudsucker Christmas Gala Music, Dancing, Refreshments (Dainties) Formal Evening Attire de Rigeuer. The MUSIC OVER the invitation -- "WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS" -- SEGUES INTO the dance music of the Hudsucker Chamber Orchestra. DANCING COUPLES FILL the SCREEN; we GLIDE AMONG them and FINALLY COME to follow one couple: Norville and MRS. MUSSBURGER, a large middle-aged woman of the Margaret Dumont-mold in an elaborately flowered and old-fashioned evening gown, low-cut in spite of her overly-heavy figure. She wears a large flowered hat with a rolled-up veil. MRS. MUSSBURGER -- So we'd gone out to the Hamptons and the garden was in positive ruins! NORVILLE That must have been quite a disappointment, Mrs. Mussburger. MRS. MUSSBURGER Disappointment? J'etais destroyee! I was in bed for a week! Positively sick with fury! I called in the gardener and said, 'Monsieur Gonzalez, either those azaleas come up next spring or you are terminee! She throws her head back and roars with laughter. ANGLE - THEIR FEET As the large woman leans back to laugh, her feet stay planted on the ground and Norville's rise to be dragged with his toes scraping the floor through the continuing dance. MRS. MUSSBURGER I'm brushing up on my French with the most charming man, Pierre of Fifth Avenue. Do you know him? NORVILLE I haven't had -- MRS. MUSSBURGER Sidney and I are planning a trip to Paris and points continental -- Aren't we, dear? Mussburger has ENTERED FRAME. MUSSBURGER Sure, sure. I'm going to borrow Norville for a while, if you don't mind, dear. MIXING DOWN as they leave her: MRS. MUSSBURGER Well, frankly, I... NORVILLE You have a charming wife, Mr. Muss -- uh, Sid. MUSSBURGER So they tell me. Norville, let me shepherd you through some of the introductions here. Try not to talk too much; some of our biggest stockholders are, uh -- scratch that: Say whatever you want. ENTRYWAY As Amy enters in a simple yet stunning evening gown. She looks around the room, then starts across the crowded floor towards the punch bowl. NORVILLE As Mussburger introduces him to a tall, imposing BUSINESSMAN in a tuxedo and a ten-gallon hat. MUSSBURGER Norville Barnes, allow me to introduce Mr. Zebulon Cardozo, one of Hudsucker Industries largest and most loyal stockholders. Ignoring Norville's proffered hand: CARDOZO (BUSINESSMAN) Dammit boy, what's this I hear about you bein' an embecile? What the hell is ailin' ya?! A week ago my stock was worth twice what it is now! I'm considering dumping the whole shootin' match, unless I see some vast improvement! Dammit, boy, It's a range war! Either you pull our wagons into a circle or I'm pullin' out of the wagon train! Norville gives him a forced but hearty laugh of reassurance. NORVILLE No need for concern, sir; it's only natural in a period of transition for the more timid element to run for cover -- CARDOZO So I'm yella, am I?!! He starts peeling off his tuxedo jacket: CARDOZO ...We'll see who's yella!! His WIFE, a small wiry woman, steps in as Mussburger starts dragging Norville away. MRS. CARDOZO Zebulon, you mind now and quit bein' sech an ole grizzly. As he reluctantly starts shrugging back into the jacket: CARDOZO Aww, I wasn't gonna hurt the boy, Lorelei... MUSSBURGER AND NORVILLE As they make their way through the room Norville is mopping at his brow with a handkerchief. NORVILLE I'm sorry, Sid, I thought maybe if I showed him the long view we might -- Thump! Dabbing at his brow, Norville has walked square into the back of a debonaire man

bottles

How many times the word 'bottles' appears in the text?

(O.S.) He don't look wise. As Norville turns to leave: VETERAN #2 (O.S.) How does she pull this out? She puts the back of her hand dramatically to her forehead. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) (disbelieving) She isn't! VETERAN #2 (O.S.) (thrilled) She is! And indeed she does: Faint dead away, falling backwards on the stool, so that Norville has no choice but to catch her. Norville holds her awkwardly, looking around for help. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) She's good, Bennie. VETERAN #2 (O.S.) She's damn good, Lou. A WAITRESS enters extreme f.g. to BLOCK OUR VIEW of the swooned woman and the embarrassed Norville. The Waitress is FACING the CAMERA and the two O.S. Veterans; the CROPPING gives us only her torso and the steaming pot of coffee she holds. WAITRESS (bored, nasal voice) Can I get you boys anything else? REVERSE ANGLE Back of the Waitress's torso in f.g.; on either side beyond her, the two Veterans are looking up at her O.S. face. They sport extremely bored expressions, topped by "cabbie" caps. VETERAN #1 Bromo. Beat. VETERAN #2 ...Bromo. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE Looking at its frosted-glass door; the sign painter is just finishing lettering in: NORVILLE BARNES, President. The sign painter makes way as we see Norville's shadow approaching; even from inside the room we can hear that he is WHEEZING HEAVILY. He is apparently carrying the girl, cradled in his arms. He tries to reach down to get the doorknob; can't manage it; turns to press his back against the door and get the knob with his other hand. The door opens as Norville swings around to enter. He is wheezing like a gas pipe about to explode. He swings around to kick the door shut. We see that the lettering on the door is now terribly smudged; we also see, in wet ink, on the seat of Norville's pants: senraB ellivroN tnediserP. Weakly, still cradled in Norville's arms: AMY I'm sorry we had to take the stairs. It was just that horrible little elevator boy... NORVILLE Not at all. You're light as a feather. AMY (pointing languorously) The couch, please. Still wheezing horribly, Norville staggers over to the couch and deposits her gently on it. He straightens up and looks at her. NORVILLE'S POV She is smiling wanly AT the CAMERA. The entire IMAGE PULSATES as the blood pounds behind Norville's eyeballs. We hear the LOUD, RASPING of his BREATH, resonating inside his head. Amy is talking but her voice is barely audible, as if coming from a long way away. BACK TO SCENE NORVILLE Just a minute. He perches drunkenly on the edge of the couch and puts his head between his knees, still fighting for breath. AMY I don't know what came over me. I suppose it was the shock of eating after so long without; the enzymes kicking in after so long, or whatever. But then you couldn't possibly know what it is to be tired and hungry... Speaking into his knees as he wheezes: NORVILLE Hungry, anyway. AMY I don't want to bore you with all the sordid details of my life; it's not a happy story... Norville rises and starts putting throw pillows behind her head. AMY ...Suffice it to say that I'm jobless -- though not for want of trying, that I'm friendless, with no one to -- thank you -- take care of me; and that had you not come along at just exactly the moment that you did -- She screams, staring down at the couch. Norville jumps, startled, then looks where she is looking. On the white sofa cushion where he had been sitting is printed, in wet ink, right side around: NORVILLE BARNES, President. AMY Norville, I didn't know you were president here! Norville stares dumbfounded at the sofa cushion. When the nickel finally drops, he spins around to try to look at the seat of his pants. Distracted but still modest: NORVILLE Oh, it's nothing really. Just determination and hard work... He unbuckles his trousers. NORVILLE ...Of course, when I started in the mailroom last Tuesday I thought it might take more time -- Buzz enters holding a brown paper bag. BUZZ Say, buddy, here's the whiskey you asked f -- He freezes, taking in the scene: Amy reclining on the couch; Norville standing in front of her with his pants around his ankles, still breathing heavily; the bottle of whiskey in his own hand. NORVILLE (flustered) Thank you, Buzz, just leave it on the desk. Leering: BUZZ Happy days, buddy... As he turns to leave: BUZZ ...and I'll tell your secretary you're not to be disturbed. Yowzuh!! He snaps the elastic strap under his chin. After the doors shut behind Buzz: AMY (shuddering) What a horrible little person. NORVILLE Oh, Buzz is pretty harmless, really -- AMY At any rate I arrived in town not ten days ago, full of dreams and aspirations, anxious to make my way in the world -- Norville pours a glass of whiskey and brings it over to her. AMY A little naive perhaps but -- thank you -- armed with determination, a solid work ethic, and an indomitable belief in the future -- NORVILLE I myself -- He crosses back to the desk. AMY Only to have that belief, that unsullied optimism, dashed against the marble and mortar of the modern work place -- Norville takes a cigarette from a large wood cigarette box on the desk and sticks it in his mouth. NORVILLE Cigarette? AMY No thank you. Seek and ye shall find, work and ye shall prosper -- these were the watch words of my education, the ethics of my tender years -- OVER NORVILLE'S SHOULDER He has been pushing the box towards her. The box tilts lazily forward and then disappears over the far lip of the desk. We hear the THUD of the BOX landing amid the pitter-patter of cigarettes raining onto the carpet. Amy's brow crinkles. Continuing: AMY -- these were the values that were instilled in me while I was growing up in a little town you've probably never heard of -- NORVILLE Mind if I join you? He is pouring himself a drink. AMY Be my guest. A little town you've probably -- He tosses back his drink, gags, looks at Amy with his eyes bulging. HIS POV Once again her IMAGE PULSATES. There is a ROARING SOUND and an AIRY STEAM WHISTLE as she silently moves her lips. NORVILLE He waves his arms and talks with a thick rasp as he staggers to his feet. NORVILLE Excuse me -- I -- executive washroom... He staggers out a side door. On his exit Amy leaps to her feet and scurries over to his desk. At the top of her voice: AMY Are you all right?... She throws open the top desk drawer. Inside two lonely lead pencils roll through the otherwise empty drawer. Amy expertly flips a cigarette into her mouth and strikes a match off the desktop. AMY ...Is it your lunch? The chicken a la king? From the washroom: NORVILLE (O.S.) No, I -- Amy throws open another drawer, empty except for an appointment book. As she hurriedly flips through page after blank page an arctic WIND WHISTLES emptiness. One page only has a notation: 11:45. Address Wilkie Grammar School Junior Achievers Club. AMY Is the a la king repeating on you? Amy shoves the appointment book back into the drawer. NORVILLE (O.S.) ...I'm fine, I... You were saying? She mutters: AMY Values... watchwords... uh, tender years... (aloud) -- A little town you've probably never heard of... She hastily stubs out her cigarette and waves her hand to disperse the smoke. AMY ...Muncie, Indiana. She scurries back across the room as we hear the FAUCET BEING TURNED OFF: she re-strikes her languid pose on the couch just as the washroom door opens. Norville gapes, one hand pressing a dripping rag to his forehead. NORVILLE You're from Muncie?! AMY Why yes, do you know it? Norville starts making pumping motions with his fists and loud syncopated grunting noises. Amy gapes at him. He starts singing, off-key: NORVILLE 'Fight on fight on dear old Muncie Fight on -- Hoist the gold and blue You'll be tattered, torn and hurtin' Once 'The Munce' is done with you!' Amy lamely fakes singing along, coming in louder on the last, obvious rhyme. Norville jumps an octave on it; she quickly follows sit, also pumping her fists. As Norville crosses his hands and locks thumbs in front of his nose to make bird wings of his extended fingers: NORVILLE ...Goooooooo Eagles! Amy awkwardly imitates. Norville excitedly sits behind his desk. NORVILLE ...A Muncie girl! Talk about the cat's pyjamas! Tell you what, Amy. I'm gonna cancel the rest of my appointments this afternoon and get you a job here at the Hud. AMY Oh, no, really, I -- NORVILLE Don't bother to thank me, it's the easiest thing in the world. Matter of fact, I know where a vacancy just came up. He hits the intercom. NORVILLE ...Mail room. To Amy: NORVILLE ...This'll only take a moment. INTERCOM (V.O.) Yeah? NORVILLE Good afternoon to ya, this is Norville Barnes -- INTERCOM (V.O.) Barnes! Where the hell have you been! And where's my voucher?! Norville thumps at his pockets. NORVILLE ...Well, I'm not sure where I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I need that voucher! I told you a week ago it was important! NORVILLE But look, I'm president of the company now and I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I don't care if you're president of the company! I need that voucher! Now! CLICK. The intercom goes dead. NORVILLE Oh, of all the foolish... Listen, do you take shorthand? Are you familiar with the mimeograph machine? AMY Of course -- I went to the Muncie, uh, Secretarial Polytechnic! Norville excitedly smacks a fist into a palm. NORVILLE -- A Muncie girl! Can you beat that! AMY Well, I just don't know how to thank you, Mr. Barnes -- NORVILLE Please! Norville! As he reaches to shake: NORVILLE ...It's my pleasure! She reaches for his hand but Norville snatches it away and, winking at her, hooks thumbs in front of his nose and makes wings of his fingers. NORVILLE ...Gooooooo Eagles! AMY likewise hooks her thumbs in front of her nose, makes wings, and, winking back: AMY Gooooooooo Eagles! But we PULL BACK to reveal that the girl is now in a newspaper office, demonstrating the fight sign to SMITTY, a reporter wearing a fedora with a bent-back brim. Smitty howls with laughter. SMITTY (wheezing) ...Once 'The Munce'... Holy... Amy sits down behind a typewriter and, as she starts typing at 80 words per minute: AMY And is this guy from chumpsville?! I pulled the old mother routine -- SMITTY Adenoids? AMY Lumbago. Behind her an ancient man wearing an inksman's visor and sleeve garters toils over a large checkerboarded surface over which he shuffles letter blocks and black spaces. Smitty gives a low whistle. SMITTY That gag's got whiskers on it! The PHONE RINGS and Smitty reaches for it. AMY I'm telling you, Smitty, the board of Hudsucker is up to something -- SMITTY (into phone) Yeah. ANCIENT PUZZLER Say, Amy, what's a six-letter word for an affliction of the hypothalmus? Without a break in her typing: AMY -- And it's a cinch -- Goiter -- it's a cinch this guy isn't in on it. How much time to make the Late Final? Smitty holds the phone away from his ear. SMITTY Chief. Still typing, Amy whistles and nods to her shoulder. Smitty tucks the phone into it as she continues typing. AMY Hiya, Chief, just the person I wanted to apologize to... Smitty is looking at his watch. SMITTY About seven minutes. AMY (still typing) Yeah, I was all wet about your idea man... Well, thanks for being so generous... It is human, and you are divine... No, he's no faker. He's the 100% real McCoy beware-of- imitations genuine article: the guy is a real moron -- To the Ancient Puzzler: AMY -- as in a five-letter word for imbecile -- Back into phone: AMY -- as pure a specimen as I've ever run across... Am I sure he's a nitwit? Heck, if working at the Argus doesn't make me an expert then my name isn't Amy Archer and I've never won the Pulitzer Prize... Her eyes narrow. AMY ...In 1957... My series on the reunited triplets -- come on down here, hammerhead, and I'll show it to ya... ANCIENT PUZZLER Amy, what's a three-letter word for a flightless bird? AMY Not now, Morris, I'm busy -- That's right, I said hammerhead, as in a ten-letter word for a smug bullying self-important newspaperman -- To Morris: AMY -- Gnu -- Into phone: AMY -- who couldn't find -- To Morris: AMY -- That's G-N-U -- Into phone: AMY -- couldn't find the Empire State Building with a compass, a road map and a native guide. To Morris: AMY -- or emu. She slams down the phone. To Smitty: AMY ...And that's just the potatoes, Smitty, here comes the gravy: The chump really likes me. A Muncie girl! Smitty bursts out laughing. SMITTY Better off falling for a rattlesnake. As she continues to type: AMY I'm tellin' ya, this guy's just the patsy and I'm gonna find out what for. There's a real story, Smitty, some kind of plot, a setup, a cabal, a -- oh, and say, did I tell ya?! SMITTY He didn't offer you money. AMY A sawbuck! SMITTY Ten dollars? Let's grab a highball! AMY On Norville Barnes! She rips the page out of the typewriter, swivels in her chair to FACE CAMERA as we TRACK IN CLOSE and she hollers: AMY ...Copy! DISSOLVE THROUGH TO: PRESSES rolling, churning out great quantities of newsprint. Papers piling up one on top of the other, very many, very quickly. DELIVERY MAN throwing a baled stack of papers off the back of his truck. BALED PAPER rolling into the f.g. A hand ENTERS FRAME to snip its wires and wipe off the top paper. PAPER BOY wearing an apron and a little paper boy cap, mouthing "Extra! Extra!" as he holds one of the papers aloft. PAN UP his arm TO the newspaper and, BEYOND it, the towering Hudsucker Building. All of the above -- DISSOLVING WITH: NEWSPAPER spinning TOWARDS the CAMERA and STOPPING FULL FRAME. Its headline, over a picture of Norville smiling, is "IMBECILE HEADS HUDSUCKER." The subheadline: "Not a Brain in his Head." ANOTHER ANGLE - NEWSPAPER is angrily slammed down to reveal that Norville has been reading the inside. His face twisting with fury, he leans forward and hits the intercom. NORVILLE Miss Smith, can you come in please to take a letter... Muttering to himself: NORVILLE ...of all the cockamamie... Amy is bustling in holding a steno pad and a pencil. As she seats herself in front of his desk, he rises to pace behind it. NORVILLE ...Did you happen to see the front page of today's Manhattan Argus? AMY Well, I... didn't bother to read the article. I didn't think the picture did you justice. NORVILLE The picture was fine! It's what that knuckle-headed dame wrote underneath! Of all the irresponsible... Amy, take this down: Dear Miss Archer. I call you 'Miss' because you seem to have 'missed' the boat completely on this one! How on earth would you know whether I'm an imbecile when you don't even have the guts to come in here and interview me man to man! No, change 'guts' to 'courage.' No, make it 'common decency.' These wild speculations about my intelligence -- AMY -- or lack thereof? NORVILLE (nodding) -- these preposterous inventions, would be better suited to the pages of Amazing Tales Magazine. If the editors of the Manhattan Argus see fit to publish the rantings of a disordered mind, perhaps they will see fit to publish this letter! But I doubt it. I most seriously doubt it. As I doubt also that you could find a home at Amazing Tales, a periodical which I have enjoyed for many years. Yours sincerely, et cetera. He drifts into thought. AMY Is that all, Mr. Barnes? NORVILLE ...Well, you know me, Amy, at least better than that that dame does. Do you think I'm an imbecile? AMY I'm sure I -- NORVILLE Go on, tell the truth; I trust you and I put a lot of stock in your opinion. AMY Well, I -- NORVILLE Oh sure, you're biased -- you're a fellow Muncian. But would an imbecile come up with this? He whips the cover sheet off a display pad resting on an easel to reveal a large piece of graph paper with a circle rendered onto it. Amy looks, puzzled, from the circle to Norville's proudly beaming face. NORVILLE ...I designed it myself and this is just the sweet baby that can put Hudsucker right back on top. Amy is bewildered. Norville explains: NORVILLE ...You know! For kids! AMY ...Why don't I just type this up... NORVILLE Aww, naw, Amy, that won't be necessary. I shouldn't send it; she's just doing her job, I guess. AMY Well, I don't know; maybe she does deserve it. Maybe she should've come in to face you man to man. NORVILLE Well, she probably had a deadline... AMY Sure, but -- she could still have gotten your side for the record! NORVILLE Well, it's done now -- what's the use of grousing about it. Forget the letter, Amy, I just had to blow off some steam... She gets up to leave, and is heading for the door when Norville adds: NORVILLE ...She's probably just a little confused. Amy turns at the door. AMY Confused? NORVILLE Yeah, you know, probably one of these fast-talking career gals, thinks she's one of the boys. Probably is one of the boys, if you know what I mean. AMY (through clenched teeth) I'm quite sure I don't know what you mean. NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Suffers from one of these complexes they have nowadays. Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it? She's probably very unattractive and bitter about it. AMY Oh, is that it! NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Probably dresses in men's clothing, swaps drinks with the guys at the local watering hole, and hobnobs with some smooth talking heel in the newsroom named Biff or Smoocher or... AMY Smitty. NORVILLE Exactly. And I bet she's ugly. Real ugly. Otherwise, why wouldn't they print her picture next to her byline? AMY Maybe she puts her work ahead of her personal appearance. NORVILLE I bet that's exactly what she tells herself! But you and I both know she's just a dried-up bitter old maid. Say, how about you and I grab a little dinner and a show after work? I was thinking maybe The King and I -- Whap! Amy slaps him. He stares. NORVILLE ...How about Oklahoma? As she stalks out of the office: AMY Norville Barnes, you don't know a thing about that woman! You don't know who she really is! And only a numbskull thinks he knows things about things he knows nothing about! He stares, rubbing his cheek. NORVILLE Say, what gives? WHISTLE SHRIEKING. SWISH PAN TO: CLOCK Reading five o'clock. SWISH PAN TO: WORKERS Rising from their desks, collecting personal effects, putting on their hats and coats. TIME CLOCK Busy hands punch out. INT. EMPTY HALLWAY Of the executive floor. A security man walks down the hall, whistling, swinging a ring of keys. After he passes the door to the ladies' room it opens, Amy peeks out, emerges, goes into Norville's office. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE She goes to the desk, takes out the appointment book, flips through it. BOOK Still empty except for the one date with the Wilkie Grammer School Junior Achievers Club, which now has a red line drawn across it with the notation CANCELED. AMY looks around the office -- notices something. DOOR Set into the wall to one side it is topped by a small plaque: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. Amy tries the knob, which turns, and enters. INT. ROOM It is big and dim, several stories high, with spiral staircases reaching into, and catwalks criss-crossing, the gloom above. It is filled with contraptions -- works, cogs, gears. There is no window, but on what would be the window wall there is an enormous iron ring with a metal rod sweeping an interior circle. It is the backside of the great Hudsucker clock. Amy gazes about. She crosses to a door opposite the one she entered from. She stoops to peek through its keyhole. HER POV We are LOOKING INTO Sidney J. Mussburger's office. Mussburger sits at his desk barking into a Dictaphone. CLICK-CLICK-CLICK -- the PERPETUAL MOTION BALLS on his desk are going full-tilt; THRUMMMMMMM -- the CLOCK'S exterior second hand sweeps a shadow across the office. Mussburger, it seems, never sleeps. MUSSBURGER Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A49. To: Director of the Jacksonville Facility. Copies to: Legal Affairs, Business Affairs, Central Files. Re: Movement of Raw Materials from the Huron Facility. Due to unfavorable news in the slag markets, Jacksonville inventory must be reduced by 15 percent with overflow diverted to the Waukegan Stamping Facility. Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A50. To: Director of -- BACK TO SCENE VOICE (O.S.) Watchoo doin' down they, Miss Archuh? AMY Huh?! She straightens and turns. Facing her is a very old BLACK MAN in a janitor's jumpsuit with HUDSUCKER INDUSTRIES/The Future Is Now emblazoned across it. We might recognize his voice as that of the narrator who opened the movie. AMY Who are you? How did you know who I am? MOSES (BLACK MAN) Ah guess ole Moses knows jes about ever'thing, leastways if it concerns Hudsuckuh. AMY But -- who are you -- what d'you do here? MOSES Ah keeps the ol' circle turning -- this ol' clock needs plenty o' care. Time is money, Miss Archuh, and money -- it drives that ol' global economy and keeps big Daddy Earth a-spinnin' on 'roun'. Ya see, without that capital fo'mation -- AMY Yeah, yeah. Say, you won't tell anyone about me, will you? MOSES I don't tell no one nothin' lessen they ask. Thatches ain't ole Moses' way. AMY So if you know everything about Hudsucker, tell me why the Board decided to make Norville Barnes president. MOSES Well, that even surprised ole Moses at fust. I didn't think the Board was that smart. AMY That smart?! MOSES But then I figured it out: they did it 'cause they figured young Norville for an imbecile. Like some othuh people ah know. AMY Why on earth would they want a nitwit to be president? MOSES 'Cause they's little pigglies! They's tryin' to inspire panic, make that stock git cheap so's they can snitch it all up fo' themselves! But Norville, he's got some tricks up his sleeve, he does... He draws a circle with his finger in the air. MOSES ...you know, fo' kids? Yeah, he's a smart one, that Norville, heh-heh, he's a caution. Wal, some folks is square, an' some is hip -- To punctuate, he gives a little jerk of his hips. MOSES ...But I guess you don't really know him any better than that board does, do ya, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, maybe I -- MOSES An' only some kind a knucklehead thinks she knows things 'bout things she, uh -- when she don't, uh -- How'd that go? AMY (bristling) It's hardly the same -- MOSES Why you don't even know y'own self -- you ain't exactly the genuine article are you, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, in connection with my job, sometimes I have to go undercover as it were -- MOSES I don't mean that! Why you pretendin' to be such a hard ol' sourpuss! Ain't never gonna make you happy! Never made Warin' happy. AMY (uncomfortably) I'm happy enough. MOSES (chuckles) Okay, Miss Archuh. (turns and walks away) ...I got gears to see to. AMY (calls after him) I'm plenty happy! She is answered only by WHIRRING MACHINERY. MOSES Elsewhere in the great room, he is hunkered down next to a catchment which he buffs with a greasy rag. Amy's VOICE ECHOES UP: AMY (O.S.) ...Hello? MOSES (muttering to himself) Them po' young folks. Looks like Norville's in fo' the same kind o' heartache ol' Warin' had. But then, she never axed me 'bout dat... As OMINOUS MUSIC SWELLS, we -- FADE OUT: FADE IN: INT. CHIEF'S OFFICE He slams down a typescript. CHIEF I can't print this! AMY Why not, it's all true! The board is using this poor guy! They're depressing the stock so they can buy it cheap! CHIEF It's pure speculation! Why, they'd have my butt in a satchel! SMITTY (chuckling) Ol' satchel-butt... AMY I know they're gonna buy that stock -- CHIEF You don't know anything! Fact is they haven't bought it! The stock is cheap, Archer! What're they waiting for? AMY I don't know... SMITTY Amy's hunches are usually pretty good, Chief. CHIEF You don't accuse someone of stock manipulation on a hunch, Ignatz! The readers of the Manhattan Argus aren't interested in sensationalism, gossip and unsupported speculation. Facts, figures -- those are the tools of the newspaper trade! Why it's almost as if you're trying to take the heat off this Barnes numbskull -- like you've gone all soft on him! SMITTY Come on, Chief, that's a low blow. Archer's not gonna go goey for a corn-fed idiot. CHIEF All right, I was out of line. But you're out of line with this stock swindle story. Gimme some more of that Moron-from-Sheboygan stuff -- AMY Muncie. CHIEF Whatever. That's what sells newspapers. AMY I've got an even hotter story -- The Sap from the City Desk. CHIEF Watch it, Archer -- AMY It's about a dimwitted editor who -- SMITTY Easy, Amy... He gives her a companionable goose. SMITTY ...Let's grab a highball and calm down. She whirls and slaps him. AMY Back off -- smoocher! Smitty rubs his cheek, staring as she storms off. SMITTY (angry) Say, what gives? ENGRAVED INVITATION IT READS: Sidney J. Mussburger President Norville Barnes and The Board of Hudsucker Industries CORDIALLY INVITE YOU TO The Annual Fancy-Dress Hudsucker Christmas Gala Music, Dancing, Refreshments (Dainties) Formal Evening Attire de Rigeuer. The MUSIC OVER the invitation -- "WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS" -- SEGUES INTO the dance music of the Hudsucker Chamber Orchestra. DANCING COUPLES FILL the SCREEN; we GLIDE AMONG them and FINALLY COME to follow one couple: Norville and MRS. MUSSBURGER, a large middle-aged woman of the Margaret Dumont-mold in an elaborately flowered and old-fashioned evening gown, low-cut in spite of her overly-heavy figure. She wears a large flowered hat with a rolled-up veil. MRS. MUSSBURGER -- So we'd gone out to the Hamptons and the garden was in positive ruins! NORVILLE That must have been quite a disappointment, Mrs. Mussburger. MRS. MUSSBURGER Disappointment? J'etais destroyee! I was in bed for a week! Positively sick with fury! I called in the gardener and said, 'Monsieur Gonzalez, either those azaleas come up next spring or you are terminee! She throws her head back and roars with laughter. ANGLE - THEIR FEET As the large woman leans back to laugh, her feet stay planted on the ground and Norville's rise to be dragged with his toes scraping the floor through the continuing dance. MRS. MUSSBURGER I'm brushing up on my French with the most charming man, Pierre of Fifth Avenue. Do you know him? NORVILLE I haven't had -- MRS. MUSSBURGER Sidney and I are planning a trip to Paris and points continental -- Aren't we, dear? Mussburger has ENTERED FRAME. MUSSBURGER Sure, sure. I'm going to borrow Norville for a while, if you don't mind, dear. MIXING DOWN as they leave her: MRS. MUSSBURGER Well, frankly, I... NORVILLE You have a charming wife, Mr. Muss -- uh, Sid. MUSSBURGER So they tell me. Norville, let me shepherd you through some of the introductions here. Try not to talk too much; some of our biggest stockholders are, uh -- scratch that: Say whatever you want. ENTRYWAY As Amy enters in a simple yet stunning evening gown. She looks around the room, then starts across the crowded floor towards the punch bowl. NORVILLE As Mussburger introduces him to a tall, imposing BUSINESSMAN in a tuxedo and a ten-gallon hat. MUSSBURGER Norville Barnes, allow me to introduce Mr. Zebulon Cardozo, one of Hudsucker Industries largest and most loyal stockholders. Ignoring Norville's proffered hand: CARDOZO (BUSINESSMAN) Dammit boy, what's this I hear about you bein' an embecile? What the hell is ailin' ya?! A week ago my stock was worth twice what it is now! I'm considering dumping the whole shootin' match, unless I see some vast improvement! Dammit, boy, It's a range war! Either you pull our wagons into a circle or I'm pullin' out of the wagon train! Norville gives him a forced but hearty laugh of reassurance. NORVILLE No need for concern, sir; it's only natural in a period of transition for the more timid element to run for cover -- CARDOZO So I'm yella, am I?!! He starts peeling off his tuxedo jacket: CARDOZO ...We'll see who's yella!! His WIFE, a small wiry woman, steps in as Mussburger starts dragging Norville away. MRS. CARDOZO Zebulon, you mind now and quit bein' sech an ole grizzly. As he reluctantly starts shrugging back into the jacket: CARDOZO Aww, I wasn't gonna hurt the boy, Lorelei... MUSSBURGER AND NORVILLE As they make their way through the room Norville is mopping at his brow with a handkerchief. NORVILLE I'm sorry, Sid, I thought maybe if I showed him the long view we might -- Thump! Dabbing at his brow, Norville has walked square into the back of a debonaire man

builds

How many times the word 'builds' appears in the text?

(O.S.) He don't look wise. As Norville turns to leave: VETERAN #2 (O.S.) How does she pull this out? She puts the back of her hand dramatically to her forehead. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) (disbelieving) She isn't! VETERAN #2 (O.S.) (thrilled) She is! And indeed she does: Faint dead away, falling backwards on the stool, so that Norville has no choice but to catch her. Norville holds her awkwardly, looking around for help. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) She's good, Bennie. VETERAN #2 (O.S.) She's damn good, Lou. A WAITRESS enters extreme f.g. to BLOCK OUR VIEW of the swooned woman and the embarrassed Norville. The Waitress is FACING the CAMERA and the two O.S. Veterans; the CROPPING gives us only her torso and the steaming pot of coffee she holds. WAITRESS (bored, nasal voice) Can I get you boys anything else? REVERSE ANGLE Back of the Waitress's torso in f.g.; on either side beyond her, the two Veterans are looking up at her O.S. face. They sport extremely bored expressions, topped by "cabbie" caps. VETERAN #1 Bromo. Beat. VETERAN #2 ...Bromo. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE Looking at its frosted-glass door; the sign painter is just finishing lettering in: NORVILLE BARNES, President. The sign painter makes way as we see Norville's shadow approaching; even from inside the room we can hear that he is WHEEZING HEAVILY. He is apparently carrying the girl, cradled in his arms. He tries to reach down to get the doorknob; can't manage it; turns to press his back against the door and get the knob with his other hand. The door opens as Norville swings around to enter. He is wheezing like a gas pipe about to explode. He swings around to kick the door shut. We see that the lettering on the door is now terribly smudged; we also see, in wet ink, on the seat of Norville's pants: senraB ellivroN tnediserP. Weakly, still cradled in Norville's arms: AMY I'm sorry we had to take the stairs. It was just that horrible little elevator boy... NORVILLE Not at all. You're light as a feather. AMY (pointing languorously) The couch, please. Still wheezing horribly, Norville staggers over to the couch and deposits her gently on it. He straightens up and looks at her. NORVILLE'S POV She is smiling wanly AT the CAMERA. The entire IMAGE PULSATES as the blood pounds behind Norville's eyeballs. We hear the LOUD, RASPING of his BREATH, resonating inside his head. Amy is talking but her voice is barely audible, as if coming from a long way away. BACK TO SCENE NORVILLE Just a minute. He perches drunkenly on the edge of the couch and puts his head between his knees, still fighting for breath. AMY I don't know what came over me. I suppose it was the shock of eating after so long without; the enzymes kicking in after so long, or whatever. But then you couldn't possibly know what it is to be tired and hungry... Speaking into his knees as he wheezes: NORVILLE Hungry, anyway. AMY I don't want to bore you with all the sordid details of my life; it's not a happy story... Norville rises and starts putting throw pillows behind her head. AMY ...Suffice it to say that I'm jobless -- though not for want of trying, that I'm friendless, with no one to -- thank you -- take care of me; and that had you not come along at just exactly the moment that you did -- She screams, staring down at the couch. Norville jumps, startled, then looks where she is looking. On the white sofa cushion where he had been sitting is printed, in wet ink, right side around: NORVILLE BARNES, President. AMY Norville, I didn't know you were president here! Norville stares dumbfounded at the sofa cushion. When the nickel finally drops, he spins around to try to look at the seat of his pants. Distracted but still modest: NORVILLE Oh, it's nothing really. Just determination and hard work... He unbuckles his trousers. NORVILLE ...Of course, when I started in the mailroom last Tuesday I thought it might take more time -- Buzz enters holding a brown paper bag. BUZZ Say, buddy, here's the whiskey you asked f -- He freezes, taking in the scene: Amy reclining on the couch; Norville standing in front of her with his pants around his ankles, still breathing heavily; the bottle of whiskey in his own hand. NORVILLE (flustered) Thank you, Buzz, just leave it on the desk. Leering: BUZZ Happy days, buddy... As he turns to leave: BUZZ ...and I'll tell your secretary you're not to be disturbed. Yowzuh!! He snaps the elastic strap under his chin. After the doors shut behind Buzz: AMY (shuddering) What a horrible little person. NORVILLE Oh, Buzz is pretty harmless, really -- AMY At any rate I arrived in town not ten days ago, full of dreams and aspirations, anxious to make my way in the world -- Norville pours a glass of whiskey and brings it over to her. AMY A little naive perhaps but -- thank you -- armed with determination, a solid work ethic, and an indomitable belief in the future -- NORVILLE I myself -- He crosses back to the desk. AMY Only to have that belief, that unsullied optimism, dashed against the marble and mortar of the modern work place -- Norville takes a cigarette from a large wood cigarette box on the desk and sticks it in his mouth. NORVILLE Cigarette? AMY No thank you. Seek and ye shall find, work and ye shall prosper -- these were the watch words of my education, the ethics of my tender years -- OVER NORVILLE'S SHOULDER He has been pushing the box towards her. The box tilts lazily forward and then disappears over the far lip of the desk. We hear the THUD of the BOX landing amid the pitter-patter of cigarettes raining onto the carpet. Amy's brow crinkles. Continuing: AMY -- these were the values that were instilled in me while I was growing up in a little town you've probably never heard of -- NORVILLE Mind if I join you? He is pouring himself a drink. AMY Be my guest. A little town you've probably -- He tosses back his drink, gags, looks at Amy with his eyes bulging. HIS POV Once again her IMAGE PULSATES. There is a ROARING SOUND and an AIRY STEAM WHISTLE as she silently moves her lips. NORVILLE He waves his arms and talks with a thick rasp as he staggers to his feet. NORVILLE Excuse me -- I -- executive washroom... He staggers out a side door. On his exit Amy leaps to her feet and scurries over to his desk. At the top of her voice: AMY Are you all right?... She throws open the top desk drawer. Inside two lonely lead pencils roll through the otherwise empty drawer. Amy expertly flips a cigarette into her mouth and strikes a match off the desktop. AMY ...Is it your lunch? The chicken a la king? From the washroom: NORVILLE (O.S.) No, I -- Amy throws open another drawer, empty except for an appointment book. As she hurriedly flips through page after blank page an arctic WIND WHISTLES emptiness. One page only has a notation: 11:45. Address Wilkie Grammar School Junior Achievers Club. AMY Is the a la king repeating on you? Amy shoves the appointment book back into the drawer. NORVILLE (O.S.) ...I'm fine, I... You were saying? She mutters: AMY Values... watchwords... uh, tender years... (aloud) -- A little town you've probably never heard of... She hastily stubs out her cigarette and waves her hand to disperse the smoke. AMY ...Muncie, Indiana. She scurries back across the room as we hear the FAUCET BEING TURNED OFF: she re-strikes her languid pose on the couch just as the washroom door opens. Norville gapes, one hand pressing a dripping rag to his forehead. NORVILLE You're from Muncie?! AMY Why yes, do you know it? Norville starts making pumping motions with his fists and loud syncopated grunting noises. Amy gapes at him. He starts singing, off-key: NORVILLE 'Fight on fight on dear old Muncie Fight on -- Hoist the gold and blue You'll be tattered, torn and hurtin' Once 'The Munce' is done with you!' Amy lamely fakes singing along, coming in louder on the last, obvious rhyme. Norville jumps an octave on it; she quickly follows sit, also pumping her fists. As Norville crosses his hands and locks thumbs in front of his nose to make bird wings of his extended fingers: NORVILLE ...Goooooooo Eagles! Amy awkwardly imitates. Norville excitedly sits behind his desk. NORVILLE ...A Muncie girl! Talk about the cat's pyjamas! Tell you what, Amy. I'm gonna cancel the rest of my appointments this afternoon and get you a job here at the Hud. AMY Oh, no, really, I -- NORVILLE Don't bother to thank me, it's the easiest thing in the world. Matter of fact, I know where a vacancy just came up. He hits the intercom. NORVILLE ...Mail room. To Amy: NORVILLE ...This'll only take a moment. INTERCOM (V.O.) Yeah? NORVILLE Good afternoon to ya, this is Norville Barnes -- INTERCOM (V.O.) Barnes! Where the hell have you been! And where's my voucher?! Norville thumps at his pockets. NORVILLE ...Well, I'm not sure where I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I need that voucher! I told you a week ago it was important! NORVILLE But look, I'm president of the company now and I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I don't care if you're president of the company! I need that voucher! Now! CLICK. The intercom goes dead. NORVILLE Oh, of all the foolish... Listen, do you take shorthand? Are you familiar with the mimeograph machine? AMY Of course -- I went to the Muncie, uh, Secretarial Polytechnic! Norville excitedly smacks a fist into a palm. NORVILLE -- A Muncie girl! Can you beat that! AMY Well, I just don't know how to thank you, Mr. Barnes -- NORVILLE Please! Norville! As he reaches to shake: NORVILLE ...It's my pleasure! She reaches for his hand but Norville snatches it away and, winking at her, hooks thumbs in front of his nose and makes wings of his fingers. NORVILLE ...Gooooooo Eagles! AMY likewise hooks her thumbs in front of her nose, makes wings, and, winking back: AMY Gooooooooo Eagles! But we PULL BACK to reveal that the girl is now in a newspaper office, demonstrating the fight sign to SMITTY, a reporter wearing a fedora with a bent-back brim. Smitty howls with laughter. SMITTY (wheezing) ...Once 'The Munce'... Holy... Amy sits down behind a typewriter and, as she starts typing at 80 words per minute: AMY And is this guy from chumpsville?! I pulled the old mother routine -- SMITTY Adenoids? AMY Lumbago. Behind her an ancient man wearing an inksman's visor and sleeve garters toils over a large checkerboarded surface over which he shuffles letter blocks and black spaces. Smitty gives a low whistle. SMITTY That gag's got whiskers on it! The PHONE RINGS and Smitty reaches for it. AMY I'm telling you, Smitty, the board of Hudsucker is up to something -- SMITTY (into phone) Yeah. ANCIENT PUZZLER Say, Amy, what's a six-letter word for an affliction of the hypothalmus? Without a break in her typing: AMY -- And it's a cinch -- Goiter -- it's a cinch this guy isn't in on it. How much time to make the Late Final? Smitty holds the phone away from his ear. SMITTY Chief. Still typing, Amy whistles and nods to her shoulder. Smitty tucks the phone into it as she continues typing. AMY Hiya, Chief, just the person I wanted to apologize to... Smitty is looking at his watch. SMITTY About seven minutes. AMY (still typing) Yeah, I was all wet about your idea man... Well, thanks for being so generous... It is human, and you are divine... No, he's no faker. He's the 100% real McCoy beware-of- imitations genuine article: the guy is a real moron -- To the Ancient Puzzler: AMY -- as in a five-letter word for imbecile -- Back into phone: AMY -- as pure a specimen as I've ever run across... Am I sure he's a nitwit? Heck, if working at the Argus doesn't make me an expert then my name isn't Amy Archer and I've never won the Pulitzer Prize... Her eyes narrow. AMY ...In 1957... My series on the reunited triplets -- come on down here, hammerhead, and I'll show it to ya... ANCIENT PUZZLER Amy, what's a three-letter word for a flightless bird? AMY Not now, Morris, I'm busy -- That's right, I said hammerhead, as in a ten-letter word for a smug bullying self-important newspaperman -- To Morris: AMY -- Gnu -- Into phone: AMY -- who couldn't find -- To Morris: AMY -- That's G-N-U -- Into phone: AMY -- couldn't find the Empire State Building with a compass, a road map and a native guide. To Morris: AMY -- or emu. She slams down the phone. To Smitty: AMY ...And that's just the potatoes, Smitty, here comes the gravy: The chump really likes me. A Muncie girl! Smitty bursts out laughing. SMITTY Better off falling for a rattlesnake. As she continues to type: AMY I'm tellin' ya, this guy's just the patsy and I'm gonna find out what for. There's a real story, Smitty, some kind of plot, a setup, a cabal, a -- oh, and say, did I tell ya?! SMITTY He didn't offer you money. AMY A sawbuck! SMITTY Ten dollars? Let's grab a highball! AMY On Norville Barnes! She rips the page out of the typewriter, swivels in her chair to FACE CAMERA as we TRACK IN CLOSE and she hollers: AMY ...Copy! DISSOLVE THROUGH TO: PRESSES rolling, churning out great quantities of newsprint. Papers piling up one on top of the other, very many, very quickly. DELIVERY MAN throwing a baled stack of papers off the back of his truck. BALED PAPER rolling into the f.g. A hand ENTERS FRAME to snip its wires and wipe off the top paper. PAPER BOY wearing an apron and a little paper boy cap, mouthing "Extra! Extra!" as he holds one of the papers aloft. PAN UP his arm TO the newspaper and, BEYOND it, the towering Hudsucker Building. All of the above -- DISSOLVING WITH: NEWSPAPER spinning TOWARDS the CAMERA and STOPPING FULL FRAME. Its headline, over a picture of Norville smiling, is "IMBECILE HEADS HUDSUCKER." The subheadline: "Not a Brain in his Head." ANOTHER ANGLE - NEWSPAPER is angrily slammed down to reveal that Norville has been reading the inside. His face twisting with fury, he leans forward and hits the intercom. NORVILLE Miss Smith, can you come in please to take a letter... Muttering to himself: NORVILLE ...of all the cockamamie... Amy is bustling in holding a steno pad and a pencil. As she seats herself in front of his desk, he rises to pace behind it. NORVILLE ...Did you happen to see the front page of today's Manhattan Argus? AMY Well, I... didn't bother to read the article. I didn't think the picture did you justice. NORVILLE The picture was fine! It's what that knuckle-headed dame wrote underneath! Of all the irresponsible... Amy, take this down: Dear Miss Archer. I call you 'Miss' because you seem to have 'missed' the boat completely on this one! How on earth would you know whether I'm an imbecile when you don't even have the guts to come in here and interview me man to man! No, change 'guts' to 'courage.' No, make it 'common decency.' These wild speculations about my intelligence -- AMY -- or lack thereof? NORVILLE (nodding) -- these preposterous inventions, would be better suited to the pages of Amazing Tales Magazine. If the editors of the Manhattan Argus see fit to publish the rantings of a disordered mind, perhaps they will see fit to publish this letter! But I doubt it. I most seriously doubt it. As I doubt also that you could find a home at Amazing Tales, a periodical which I have enjoyed for many years. Yours sincerely, et cetera. He drifts into thought. AMY Is that all, Mr. Barnes? NORVILLE ...Well, you know me, Amy, at least better than that that dame does. Do you think I'm an imbecile? AMY I'm sure I -- NORVILLE Go on, tell the truth; I trust you and I put a lot of stock in your opinion. AMY Well, I -- NORVILLE Oh sure, you're biased -- you're a fellow Muncian. But would an imbecile come up with this? He whips the cover sheet off a display pad resting on an easel to reveal a large piece of graph paper with a circle rendered onto it. Amy looks, puzzled, from the circle to Norville's proudly beaming face. NORVILLE ...I designed it myself and this is just the sweet baby that can put Hudsucker right back on top. Amy is bewildered. Norville explains: NORVILLE ...You know! For kids! AMY ...Why don't I just type this up... NORVILLE Aww, naw, Amy, that won't be necessary. I shouldn't send it; she's just doing her job, I guess. AMY Well, I don't know; maybe she does deserve it. Maybe she should've come in to face you man to man. NORVILLE Well, she probably had a deadline... AMY Sure, but -- she could still have gotten your side for the record! NORVILLE Well, it's done now -- what's the use of grousing about it. Forget the letter, Amy, I just had to blow off some steam... She gets up to leave, and is heading for the door when Norville adds: NORVILLE ...She's probably just a little confused. Amy turns at the door. AMY Confused? NORVILLE Yeah, you know, probably one of these fast-talking career gals, thinks she's one of the boys. Probably is one of the boys, if you know what I mean. AMY (through clenched teeth) I'm quite sure I don't know what you mean. NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Suffers from one of these complexes they have nowadays. Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it? She's probably very unattractive and bitter about it. AMY Oh, is that it! NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Probably dresses in men's clothing, swaps drinks with the guys at the local watering hole, and hobnobs with some smooth talking heel in the newsroom named Biff or Smoocher or... AMY Smitty. NORVILLE Exactly. And I bet she's ugly. Real ugly. Otherwise, why wouldn't they print her picture next to her byline? AMY Maybe she puts her work ahead of her personal appearance. NORVILLE I bet that's exactly what she tells herself! But you and I both know she's just a dried-up bitter old maid. Say, how about you and I grab a little dinner and a show after work? I was thinking maybe The King and I -- Whap! Amy slaps him. He stares. NORVILLE ...How about Oklahoma? As she stalks out of the office: AMY Norville Barnes, you don't know a thing about that woman! You don't know who she really is! And only a numbskull thinks he knows things about things he knows nothing about! He stares, rubbing his cheek. NORVILLE Say, what gives? WHISTLE SHRIEKING. SWISH PAN TO: CLOCK Reading five o'clock. SWISH PAN TO: WORKERS Rising from their desks, collecting personal effects, putting on their hats and coats. TIME CLOCK Busy hands punch out. INT. EMPTY HALLWAY Of the executive floor. A security man walks down the hall, whistling, swinging a ring of keys. After he passes the door to the ladies' room it opens, Amy peeks out, emerges, goes into Norville's office. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE She goes to the desk, takes out the appointment book, flips through it. BOOK Still empty except for the one date with the Wilkie Grammer School Junior Achievers Club, which now has a red line drawn across it with the notation CANCELED. AMY looks around the office -- notices something. DOOR Set into the wall to one side it is topped by a small plaque: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. Amy tries the knob, which turns, and enters. INT. ROOM It is big and dim, several stories high, with spiral staircases reaching into, and catwalks criss-crossing, the gloom above. It is filled with contraptions -- works, cogs, gears. There is no window, but on what would be the window wall there is an enormous iron ring with a metal rod sweeping an interior circle. It is the backside of the great Hudsucker clock. Amy gazes about. She crosses to a door opposite the one she entered from. She stoops to peek through its keyhole. HER POV We are LOOKING INTO Sidney J. Mussburger's office. Mussburger sits at his desk barking into a Dictaphone. CLICK-CLICK-CLICK -- the PERPETUAL MOTION BALLS on his desk are going full-tilt; THRUMMMMMMM -- the CLOCK'S exterior second hand sweeps a shadow across the office. Mussburger, it seems, never sleeps. MUSSBURGER Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A49. To: Director of the Jacksonville Facility. Copies to: Legal Affairs, Business Affairs, Central Files. Re: Movement of Raw Materials from the Huron Facility. Due to unfavorable news in the slag markets, Jacksonville inventory must be reduced by 15 percent with overflow diverted to the Waukegan Stamping Facility. Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A50. To: Director of -- BACK TO SCENE VOICE (O.S.) Watchoo doin' down they, Miss Archuh? AMY Huh?! She straightens and turns. Facing her is a very old BLACK MAN in a janitor's jumpsuit with HUDSUCKER INDUSTRIES/The Future Is Now emblazoned across it. We might recognize his voice as that of the narrator who opened the movie. AMY Who are you? How did you know who I am? MOSES (BLACK MAN) Ah guess ole Moses knows jes about ever'thing, leastways if it concerns Hudsuckuh. AMY But -- who are you -- what d'you do here? MOSES Ah keeps the ol' circle turning -- this ol' clock needs plenty o' care. Time is money, Miss Archuh, and money -- it drives that ol' global economy and keeps big Daddy Earth a-spinnin' on 'roun'. Ya see, without that capital fo'mation -- AMY Yeah, yeah. Say, you won't tell anyone about me, will you? MOSES I don't tell no one nothin' lessen they ask. Thatches ain't ole Moses' way. AMY So if you know everything about Hudsucker, tell me why the Board decided to make Norville Barnes president. MOSES Well, that even surprised ole Moses at fust. I didn't think the Board was that smart. AMY That smart?! MOSES But then I figured it out: they did it 'cause they figured young Norville for an imbecile. Like some othuh people ah know. AMY Why on earth would they want a nitwit to be president? MOSES 'Cause they's little pigglies! They's tryin' to inspire panic, make that stock git cheap so's they can snitch it all up fo' themselves! But Norville, he's got some tricks up his sleeve, he does... He draws a circle with his finger in the air. MOSES ...you know, fo' kids? Yeah, he's a smart one, that Norville, heh-heh, he's a caution. Wal, some folks is square, an' some is hip -- To punctuate, he gives a little jerk of his hips. MOSES ...But I guess you don't really know him any better than that board does, do ya, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, maybe I -- MOSES An' only some kind a knucklehead thinks she knows things 'bout things she, uh -- when she don't, uh -- How'd that go? AMY (bristling) It's hardly the same -- MOSES Why you don't even know y'own self -- you ain't exactly the genuine article are you, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, in connection with my job, sometimes I have to go undercover as it were -- MOSES I don't mean that! Why you pretendin' to be such a hard ol' sourpuss! Ain't never gonna make you happy! Never made Warin' happy. AMY (uncomfortably) I'm happy enough. MOSES (chuckles) Okay, Miss Archuh. (turns and walks away) ...I got gears to see to. AMY (calls after him) I'm plenty happy! She is answered only by WHIRRING MACHINERY. MOSES Elsewhere in the great room, he is hunkered down next to a catchment which he buffs with a greasy rag. Amy's VOICE ECHOES UP: AMY (O.S.) ...Hello? MOSES (muttering to himself) Them po' young folks. Looks like Norville's in fo' the same kind o' heartache ol' Warin' had. But then, she never axed me 'bout dat... As OMINOUS MUSIC SWELLS, we -- FADE OUT: FADE IN: INT. CHIEF'S OFFICE He slams down a typescript. CHIEF I can't print this! AMY Why not, it's all true! The board is using this poor guy! They're depressing the stock so they can buy it cheap! CHIEF It's pure speculation! Why, they'd have my butt in a satchel! SMITTY (chuckling) Ol' satchel-butt... AMY I know they're gonna buy that stock -- CHIEF You don't know anything! Fact is they haven't bought it! The stock is cheap, Archer! What're they waiting for? AMY I don't know... SMITTY Amy's hunches are usually pretty good, Chief. CHIEF You don't accuse someone of stock manipulation on a hunch, Ignatz! The readers of the Manhattan Argus aren't interested in sensationalism, gossip and unsupported speculation. Facts, figures -- those are the tools of the newspaper trade! Why it's almost as if you're trying to take the heat off this Barnes numbskull -- like you've gone all soft on him! SMITTY Come on, Chief, that's a low blow. Archer's not gonna go goey for a corn-fed idiot. CHIEF All right, I was out of line. But you're out of line with this stock swindle story. Gimme some more of that Moron-from-Sheboygan stuff -- AMY Muncie. CHIEF Whatever. That's what sells newspapers. AMY I've got an even hotter story -- The Sap from the City Desk. CHIEF Watch it, Archer -- AMY It's about a dimwitted editor who -- SMITTY Easy, Amy... He gives her a companionable goose. SMITTY ...Let's grab a highball and calm down. She whirls and slaps him. AMY Back off -- smoocher! Smitty rubs his cheek, staring as she storms off. SMITTY (angry) Say, what gives? ENGRAVED INVITATION IT READS: Sidney J. Mussburger President Norville Barnes and The Board of Hudsucker Industries CORDIALLY INVITE YOU TO The Annual Fancy-Dress Hudsucker Christmas Gala Music, Dancing, Refreshments (Dainties) Formal Evening Attire de Rigeuer. The MUSIC OVER the invitation -- "WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS" -- SEGUES INTO the dance music of the Hudsucker Chamber Orchestra. DANCING COUPLES FILL the SCREEN; we GLIDE AMONG them and FINALLY COME to follow one couple: Norville and MRS. MUSSBURGER, a large middle-aged woman of the Margaret Dumont-mold in an elaborately flowered and old-fashioned evening gown, low-cut in spite of her overly-heavy figure. She wears a large flowered hat with a rolled-up veil. MRS. MUSSBURGER -- So we'd gone out to the Hamptons and the garden was in positive ruins! NORVILLE That must have been quite a disappointment, Mrs. Mussburger. MRS. MUSSBURGER Disappointment? J'etais destroyee! I was in bed for a week! Positively sick with fury! I called in the gardener and said, 'Monsieur Gonzalez, either those azaleas come up next spring or you are terminee! She throws her head back and roars with laughter. ANGLE - THEIR FEET As the large woman leans back to laugh, her feet stay planted on the ground and Norville's rise to be dragged with his toes scraping the floor through the continuing dance. MRS. MUSSBURGER I'm brushing up on my French with the most charming man, Pierre of Fifth Avenue. Do you know him? NORVILLE I haven't had -- MRS. MUSSBURGER Sidney and I are planning a trip to Paris and points continental -- Aren't we, dear? Mussburger has ENTERED FRAME. MUSSBURGER Sure, sure. I'm going to borrow Norville for a while, if you don't mind, dear. MIXING DOWN as they leave her: MRS. MUSSBURGER Well, frankly, I... NORVILLE You have a charming wife, Mr. Muss -- uh, Sid. MUSSBURGER So they tell me. Norville, let me shepherd you through some of the introductions here. Try not to talk too much; some of our biggest stockholders are, uh -- scratch that: Say whatever you want. ENTRYWAY As Amy enters in a simple yet stunning evening gown. She looks around the room, then starts across the crowded floor towards the punch bowl. NORVILLE As Mussburger introduces him to a tall, imposing BUSINESSMAN in a tuxedo and a ten-gallon hat. MUSSBURGER Norville Barnes, allow me to introduce Mr. Zebulon Cardozo, one of Hudsucker Industries largest and most loyal stockholders. Ignoring Norville's proffered hand: CARDOZO (BUSINESSMAN) Dammit boy, what's this I hear about you bein' an embecile? What the hell is ailin' ya?! A week ago my stock was worth twice what it is now! I'm considering dumping the whole shootin' match, unless I see some vast improvement! Dammit, boy, It's a range war! Either you pull our wagons into a circle or I'm pullin' out of the wagon train! Norville gives him a forced but hearty laugh of reassurance. NORVILLE No need for concern, sir; it's only natural in a period of transition for the more timid element to run for cover -- CARDOZO So I'm yella, am I?!! He starts peeling off his tuxedo jacket: CARDOZO ...We'll see who's yella!! His WIFE, a small wiry woman, steps in as Mussburger starts dragging Norville away. MRS. CARDOZO Zebulon, you mind now and quit bein' sech an ole grizzly. As he reluctantly starts shrugging back into the jacket: CARDOZO Aww, I wasn't gonna hurt the boy, Lorelei... MUSSBURGER AND NORVILLE As they make their way through the room Norville is mopping at his brow with a handkerchief. NORVILLE I'm sorry, Sid, I thought maybe if I showed him the long view we might -- Thump! Dabbing at his brow, Norville has walked square into the back of a debonaire man

accurate

How many times the word 'accurate' appears in the text?

(O.S.) He don't look wise. As Norville turns to leave: VETERAN #2 (O.S.) How does she pull this out? She puts the back of her hand dramatically to her forehead. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) (disbelieving) She isn't! VETERAN #2 (O.S.) (thrilled) She is! And indeed she does: Faint dead away, falling backwards on the stool, so that Norville has no choice but to catch her. Norville holds her awkwardly, looking around for help. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) She's good, Bennie. VETERAN #2 (O.S.) She's damn good, Lou. A WAITRESS enters extreme f.g. to BLOCK OUR VIEW of the swooned woman and the embarrassed Norville. The Waitress is FACING the CAMERA and the two O.S. Veterans; the CROPPING gives us only her torso and the steaming pot of coffee she holds. WAITRESS (bored, nasal voice) Can I get you boys anything else? REVERSE ANGLE Back of the Waitress's torso in f.g.; on either side beyond her, the two Veterans are looking up at her O.S. face. They sport extremely bored expressions, topped by "cabbie" caps. VETERAN #1 Bromo. Beat. VETERAN #2 ...Bromo. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE Looking at its frosted-glass door; the sign painter is just finishing lettering in: NORVILLE BARNES, President. The sign painter makes way as we see Norville's shadow approaching; even from inside the room we can hear that he is WHEEZING HEAVILY. He is apparently carrying the girl, cradled in his arms. He tries to reach down to get the doorknob; can't manage it; turns to press his back against the door and get the knob with his other hand. The door opens as Norville swings around to enter. He is wheezing like a gas pipe about to explode. He swings around to kick the door shut. We see that the lettering on the door is now terribly smudged; we also see, in wet ink, on the seat of Norville's pants: senraB ellivroN tnediserP. Weakly, still cradled in Norville's arms: AMY I'm sorry we had to take the stairs. It was just that horrible little elevator boy... NORVILLE Not at all. You're light as a feather. AMY (pointing languorously) The couch, please. Still wheezing horribly, Norville staggers over to the couch and deposits her gently on it. He straightens up and looks at her. NORVILLE'S POV She is smiling wanly AT the CAMERA. The entire IMAGE PULSATES as the blood pounds behind Norville's eyeballs. We hear the LOUD, RASPING of his BREATH, resonating inside his head. Amy is talking but her voice is barely audible, as if coming from a long way away. BACK TO SCENE NORVILLE Just a minute. He perches drunkenly on the edge of the couch and puts his head between his knees, still fighting for breath. AMY I don't know what came over me. I suppose it was the shock of eating after so long without; the enzymes kicking in after so long, or whatever. But then you couldn't possibly know what it is to be tired and hungry... Speaking into his knees as he wheezes: NORVILLE Hungry, anyway. AMY I don't want to bore you with all the sordid details of my life; it's not a happy story... Norville rises and starts putting throw pillows behind her head. AMY ...Suffice it to say that I'm jobless -- though not for want of trying, that I'm friendless, with no one to -- thank you -- take care of me; and that had you not come along at just exactly the moment that you did -- She screams, staring down at the couch. Norville jumps, startled, then looks where she is looking. On the white sofa cushion where he had been sitting is printed, in wet ink, right side around: NORVILLE BARNES, President. AMY Norville, I didn't know you were president here! Norville stares dumbfounded at the sofa cushion. When the nickel finally drops, he spins around to try to look at the seat of his pants. Distracted but still modest: NORVILLE Oh, it's nothing really. Just determination and hard work... He unbuckles his trousers. NORVILLE ...Of course, when I started in the mailroom last Tuesday I thought it might take more time -- Buzz enters holding a brown paper bag. BUZZ Say, buddy, here's the whiskey you asked f -- He freezes, taking in the scene: Amy reclining on the couch; Norville standing in front of her with his pants around his ankles, still breathing heavily; the bottle of whiskey in his own hand. NORVILLE (flustered) Thank you, Buzz, just leave it on the desk. Leering: BUZZ Happy days, buddy... As he turns to leave: BUZZ ...and I'll tell your secretary you're not to be disturbed. Yowzuh!! He snaps the elastic strap under his chin. After the doors shut behind Buzz: AMY (shuddering) What a horrible little person. NORVILLE Oh, Buzz is pretty harmless, really -- AMY At any rate I arrived in town not ten days ago, full of dreams and aspirations, anxious to make my way in the world -- Norville pours a glass of whiskey and brings it over to her. AMY A little naive perhaps but -- thank you -- armed with determination, a solid work ethic, and an indomitable belief in the future -- NORVILLE I myself -- He crosses back to the desk. AMY Only to have that belief, that unsullied optimism, dashed against the marble and mortar of the modern work place -- Norville takes a cigarette from a large wood cigarette box on the desk and sticks it in his mouth. NORVILLE Cigarette? AMY No thank you. Seek and ye shall find, work and ye shall prosper -- these were the watch words of my education, the ethics of my tender years -- OVER NORVILLE'S SHOULDER He has been pushing the box towards her. The box tilts lazily forward and then disappears over the far lip of the desk. We hear the THUD of the BOX landing amid the pitter-patter of cigarettes raining onto the carpet. Amy's brow crinkles. Continuing: AMY -- these were the values that were instilled in me while I was growing up in a little town you've probably never heard of -- NORVILLE Mind if I join you? He is pouring himself a drink. AMY Be my guest. A little town you've probably -- He tosses back his drink, gags, looks at Amy with his eyes bulging. HIS POV Once again her IMAGE PULSATES. There is a ROARING SOUND and an AIRY STEAM WHISTLE as she silently moves her lips. NORVILLE He waves his arms and talks with a thick rasp as he staggers to his feet. NORVILLE Excuse me -- I -- executive washroom... He staggers out a side door. On his exit Amy leaps to her feet and scurries over to his desk. At the top of her voice: AMY Are you all right?... She throws open the top desk drawer. Inside two lonely lead pencils roll through the otherwise empty drawer. Amy expertly flips a cigarette into her mouth and strikes a match off the desktop. AMY ...Is it your lunch? The chicken a la king? From the washroom: NORVILLE (O.S.) No, I -- Amy throws open another drawer, empty except for an appointment book. As she hurriedly flips through page after blank page an arctic WIND WHISTLES emptiness. One page only has a notation: 11:45. Address Wilkie Grammar School Junior Achievers Club. AMY Is the a la king repeating on you? Amy shoves the appointment book back into the drawer. NORVILLE (O.S.) ...I'm fine, I... You were saying? She mutters: AMY Values... watchwords... uh, tender years... (aloud) -- A little town you've probably never heard of... She hastily stubs out her cigarette and waves her hand to disperse the smoke. AMY ...Muncie, Indiana. She scurries back across the room as we hear the FAUCET BEING TURNED OFF: she re-strikes her languid pose on the couch just as the washroom door opens. Norville gapes, one hand pressing a dripping rag to his forehead. NORVILLE You're from Muncie?! AMY Why yes, do you know it? Norville starts making pumping motions with his fists and loud syncopated grunting noises. Amy gapes at him. He starts singing, off-key: NORVILLE 'Fight on fight on dear old Muncie Fight on -- Hoist the gold and blue You'll be tattered, torn and hurtin' Once 'The Munce' is done with you!' Amy lamely fakes singing along, coming in louder on the last, obvious rhyme. Norville jumps an octave on it; she quickly follows sit, also pumping her fists. As Norville crosses his hands and locks thumbs in front of his nose to make bird wings of his extended fingers: NORVILLE ...Goooooooo Eagles! Amy awkwardly imitates. Norville excitedly sits behind his desk. NORVILLE ...A Muncie girl! Talk about the cat's pyjamas! Tell you what, Amy. I'm gonna cancel the rest of my appointments this afternoon and get you a job here at the Hud. AMY Oh, no, really, I -- NORVILLE Don't bother to thank me, it's the easiest thing in the world. Matter of fact, I know where a vacancy just came up. He hits the intercom. NORVILLE ...Mail room. To Amy: NORVILLE ...This'll only take a moment. INTERCOM (V.O.) Yeah? NORVILLE Good afternoon to ya, this is Norville Barnes -- INTERCOM (V.O.) Barnes! Where the hell have you been! And where's my voucher?! Norville thumps at his pockets. NORVILLE ...Well, I'm not sure where I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I need that voucher! I told you a week ago it was important! NORVILLE But look, I'm president of the company now and I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I don't care if you're president of the company! I need that voucher! Now! CLICK. The intercom goes dead. NORVILLE Oh, of all the foolish... Listen, do you take shorthand? Are you familiar with the mimeograph machine? AMY Of course -- I went to the Muncie, uh, Secretarial Polytechnic! Norville excitedly smacks a fist into a palm. NORVILLE -- A Muncie girl! Can you beat that! AMY Well, I just don't know how to thank you, Mr. Barnes -- NORVILLE Please! Norville! As he reaches to shake: NORVILLE ...It's my pleasure! She reaches for his hand but Norville snatches it away and, winking at her, hooks thumbs in front of his nose and makes wings of his fingers. NORVILLE ...Gooooooo Eagles! AMY likewise hooks her thumbs in front of her nose, makes wings, and, winking back: AMY Gooooooooo Eagles! But we PULL BACK to reveal that the girl is now in a newspaper office, demonstrating the fight sign to SMITTY, a reporter wearing a fedora with a bent-back brim. Smitty howls with laughter. SMITTY (wheezing) ...Once 'The Munce'... Holy... Amy sits down behind a typewriter and, as she starts typing at 80 words per minute: AMY And is this guy from chumpsville?! I pulled the old mother routine -- SMITTY Adenoids? AMY Lumbago. Behind her an ancient man wearing an inksman's visor and sleeve garters toils over a large checkerboarded surface over which he shuffles letter blocks and black spaces. Smitty gives a low whistle. SMITTY That gag's got whiskers on it! The PHONE RINGS and Smitty reaches for it. AMY I'm telling you, Smitty, the board of Hudsucker is up to something -- SMITTY (into phone) Yeah. ANCIENT PUZZLER Say, Amy, what's a six-letter word for an affliction of the hypothalmus? Without a break in her typing: AMY -- And it's a cinch -- Goiter -- it's a cinch this guy isn't in on it. How much time to make the Late Final? Smitty holds the phone away from his ear. SMITTY Chief. Still typing, Amy whistles and nods to her shoulder. Smitty tucks the phone into it as she continues typing. AMY Hiya, Chief, just the person I wanted to apologize to... Smitty is looking at his watch. SMITTY About seven minutes. AMY (still typing) Yeah, I was all wet about your idea man... Well, thanks for being so generous... It is human, and you are divine... No, he's no faker. He's the 100% real McCoy beware-of- imitations genuine article: the guy is a real moron -- To the Ancient Puzzler: AMY -- as in a five-letter word for imbecile -- Back into phone: AMY -- as pure a specimen as I've ever run across... Am I sure he's a nitwit? Heck, if working at the Argus doesn't make me an expert then my name isn't Amy Archer and I've never won the Pulitzer Prize... Her eyes narrow. AMY ...In 1957... My series on the reunited triplets -- come on down here, hammerhead, and I'll show it to ya... ANCIENT PUZZLER Amy, what's a three-letter word for a flightless bird? AMY Not now, Morris, I'm busy -- That's right, I said hammerhead, as in a ten-letter word for a smug bullying self-important newspaperman -- To Morris: AMY -- Gnu -- Into phone: AMY -- who couldn't find -- To Morris: AMY -- That's G-N-U -- Into phone: AMY -- couldn't find the Empire State Building with a compass, a road map and a native guide. To Morris: AMY -- or emu. She slams down the phone. To Smitty: AMY ...And that's just the potatoes, Smitty, here comes the gravy: The chump really likes me. A Muncie girl! Smitty bursts out laughing. SMITTY Better off falling for a rattlesnake. As she continues to type: AMY I'm tellin' ya, this guy's just the patsy and I'm gonna find out what for. There's a real story, Smitty, some kind of plot, a setup, a cabal, a -- oh, and say, did I tell ya?! SMITTY He didn't offer you money. AMY A sawbuck! SMITTY Ten dollars? Let's grab a highball! AMY On Norville Barnes! She rips the page out of the typewriter, swivels in her chair to FACE CAMERA as we TRACK IN CLOSE and she hollers: AMY ...Copy! DISSOLVE THROUGH TO: PRESSES rolling, churning out great quantities of newsprint. Papers piling up one on top of the other, very many, very quickly. DELIVERY MAN throwing a baled stack of papers off the back of his truck. BALED PAPER rolling into the f.g. A hand ENTERS FRAME to snip its wires and wipe off the top paper. PAPER BOY wearing an apron and a little paper boy cap, mouthing "Extra! Extra!" as he holds one of the papers aloft. PAN UP his arm TO the newspaper and, BEYOND it, the towering Hudsucker Building. All of the above -- DISSOLVING WITH: NEWSPAPER spinning TOWARDS the CAMERA and STOPPING FULL FRAME. Its headline, over a picture of Norville smiling, is "IMBECILE HEADS HUDSUCKER." The subheadline: "Not a Brain in his Head." ANOTHER ANGLE - NEWSPAPER is angrily slammed down to reveal that Norville has been reading the inside. His face twisting with fury, he leans forward and hits the intercom. NORVILLE Miss Smith, can you come in please to take a letter... Muttering to himself: NORVILLE ...of all the cockamamie... Amy is bustling in holding a steno pad and a pencil. As she seats herself in front of his desk, he rises to pace behind it. NORVILLE ...Did you happen to see the front page of today's Manhattan Argus? AMY Well, I... didn't bother to read the article. I didn't think the picture did you justice. NORVILLE The picture was fine! It's what that knuckle-headed dame wrote underneath! Of all the irresponsible... Amy, take this down: Dear Miss Archer. I call you 'Miss' because you seem to have 'missed' the boat completely on this one! How on earth would you know whether I'm an imbecile when you don't even have the guts to come in here and interview me man to man! No, change 'guts' to 'courage.' No, make it 'common decency.' These wild speculations about my intelligence -- AMY -- or lack thereof? NORVILLE (nodding) -- these preposterous inventions, would be better suited to the pages of Amazing Tales Magazine. If the editors of the Manhattan Argus see fit to publish the rantings of a disordered mind, perhaps they will see fit to publish this letter! But I doubt it. I most seriously doubt it. As I doubt also that you could find a home at Amazing Tales, a periodical which I have enjoyed for many years. Yours sincerely, et cetera. He drifts into thought. AMY Is that all, Mr. Barnes? NORVILLE ...Well, you know me, Amy, at least better than that that dame does. Do you think I'm an imbecile? AMY I'm sure I -- NORVILLE Go on, tell the truth; I trust you and I put a lot of stock in your opinion. AMY Well, I -- NORVILLE Oh sure, you're biased -- you're a fellow Muncian. But would an imbecile come up with this? He whips the cover sheet off a display pad resting on an easel to reveal a large piece of graph paper with a circle rendered onto it. Amy looks, puzzled, from the circle to Norville's proudly beaming face. NORVILLE ...I designed it myself and this is just the sweet baby that can put Hudsucker right back on top. Amy is bewildered. Norville explains: NORVILLE ...You know! For kids! AMY ...Why don't I just type this up... NORVILLE Aww, naw, Amy, that won't be necessary. I shouldn't send it; she's just doing her job, I guess. AMY Well, I don't know; maybe she does deserve it. Maybe she should've come in to face you man to man. NORVILLE Well, she probably had a deadline... AMY Sure, but -- she could still have gotten your side for the record! NORVILLE Well, it's done now -- what's the use of grousing about it. Forget the letter, Amy, I just had to blow off some steam... She gets up to leave, and is heading for the door when Norville adds: NORVILLE ...She's probably just a little confused. Amy turns at the door. AMY Confused? NORVILLE Yeah, you know, probably one of these fast-talking career gals, thinks she's one of the boys. Probably is one of the boys, if you know what I mean. AMY (through clenched teeth) I'm quite sure I don't know what you mean. NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Suffers from one of these complexes they have nowadays. Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it? She's probably very unattractive and bitter about it. AMY Oh, is that it! NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Probably dresses in men's clothing, swaps drinks with the guys at the local watering hole, and hobnobs with some smooth talking heel in the newsroom named Biff or Smoocher or... AMY Smitty. NORVILLE Exactly. And I bet she's ugly. Real ugly. Otherwise, why wouldn't they print her picture next to her byline? AMY Maybe she puts her work ahead of her personal appearance. NORVILLE I bet that's exactly what she tells herself! But you and I both know she's just a dried-up bitter old maid. Say, how about you and I grab a little dinner and a show after work? I was thinking maybe The King and I -- Whap! Amy slaps him. He stares. NORVILLE ...How about Oklahoma? As she stalks out of the office: AMY Norville Barnes, you don't know a thing about that woman! You don't know who she really is! And only a numbskull thinks he knows things about things he knows nothing about! He stares, rubbing his cheek. NORVILLE Say, what gives? WHISTLE SHRIEKING. SWISH PAN TO: CLOCK Reading five o'clock. SWISH PAN TO: WORKERS Rising from their desks, collecting personal effects, putting on their hats and coats. TIME CLOCK Busy hands punch out. INT. EMPTY HALLWAY Of the executive floor. A security man walks down the hall, whistling, swinging a ring of keys. After he passes the door to the ladies' room it opens, Amy peeks out, emerges, goes into Norville's office. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE She goes to the desk, takes out the appointment book, flips through it. BOOK Still empty except for the one date with the Wilkie Grammer School Junior Achievers Club, which now has a red line drawn across it with the notation CANCELED. AMY looks around the office -- notices something. DOOR Set into the wall to one side it is topped by a small plaque: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. Amy tries the knob, which turns, and enters. INT. ROOM It is big and dim, several stories high, with spiral staircases reaching into, and catwalks criss-crossing, the gloom above. It is filled with contraptions -- works, cogs, gears. There is no window, but on what would be the window wall there is an enormous iron ring with a metal rod sweeping an interior circle. It is the backside of the great Hudsucker clock. Amy gazes about. She crosses to a door opposite the one she entered from. She stoops to peek through its keyhole. HER POV We are LOOKING INTO Sidney J. Mussburger's office. Mussburger sits at his desk barking into a Dictaphone. CLICK-CLICK-CLICK -- the PERPETUAL MOTION BALLS on his desk are going full-tilt; THRUMMMMMMM -- the CLOCK'S exterior second hand sweeps a shadow across the office. Mussburger, it seems, never sleeps. MUSSBURGER Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A49. To: Director of the Jacksonville Facility. Copies to: Legal Affairs, Business Affairs, Central Files. Re: Movement of Raw Materials from the Huron Facility. Due to unfavorable news in the slag markets, Jacksonville inventory must be reduced by 15 percent with overflow diverted to the Waukegan Stamping Facility. Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A50. To: Director of -- BACK TO SCENE VOICE (O.S.) Watchoo doin' down they, Miss Archuh? AMY Huh?! She straightens and turns. Facing her is a very old BLACK MAN in a janitor's jumpsuit with HUDSUCKER INDUSTRIES/The Future Is Now emblazoned across it. We might recognize his voice as that of the narrator who opened the movie. AMY Who are you? How did you know who I am? MOSES (BLACK MAN) Ah guess ole Moses knows jes about ever'thing, leastways if it concerns Hudsuckuh. AMY But -- who are you -- what d'you do here? MOSES Ah keeps the ol' circle turning -- this ol' clock needs plenty o' care. Time is money, Miss Archuh, and money -- it drives that ol' global economy and keeps big Daddy Earth a-spinnin' on 'roun'. Ya see, without that capital fo'mation -- AMY Yeah, yeah. Say, you won't tell anyone about me, will you? MOSES I don't tell no one nothin' lessen they ask. Thatches ain't ole Moses' way. AMY So if you know everything about Hudsucker, tell me why the Board decided to make Norville Barnes president. MOSES Well, that even surprised ole Moses at fust. I didn't think the Board was that smart. AMY That smart?! MOSES But then I figured it out: they did it 'cause they figured young Norville for an imbecile. Like some othuh people ah know. AMY Why on earth would they want a nitwit to be president? MOSES 'Cause they's little pigglies! They's tryin' to inspire panic, make that stock git cheap so's they can snitch it all up fo' themselves! But Norville, he's got some tricks up his sleeve, he does... He draws a circle with his finger in the air. MOSES ...you know, fo' kids? Yeah, he's a smart one, that Norville, heh-heh, he's a caution. Wal, some folks is square, an' some is hip -- To punctuate, he gives a little jerk of his hips. MOSES ...But I guess you don't really know him any better than that board does, do ya, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, maybe I -- MOSES An' only some kind a knucklehead thinks she knows things 'bout things she, uh -- when she don't, uh -- How'd that go? AMY (bristling) It's hardly the same -- MOSES Why you don't even know y'own self -- you ain't exactly the genuine article are you, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, in connection with my job, sometimes I have to go undercover as it were -- MOSES I don't mean that! Why you pretendin' to be such a hard ol' sourpuss! Ain't never gonna make you happy! Never made Warin' happy. AMY (uncomfortably) I'm happy enough. MOSES (chuckles) Okay, Miss Archuh. (turns and walks away) ...I got gears to see to. AMY (calls after him) I'm plenty happy! She is answered only by WHIRRING MACHINERY. MOSES Elsewhere in the great room, he is hunkered down next to a catchment which he buffs with a greasy rag. Amy's VOICE ECHOES UP: AMY (O.S.) ...Hello? MOSES (muttering to himself) Them po' young folks. Looks like Norville's in fo' the same kind o' heartache ol' Warin' had. But then, she never axed me 'bout dat... As OMINOUS MUSIC SWELLS, we -- FADE OUT: FADE IN: INT. CHIEF'S OFFICE He slams down a typescript. CHIEF I can't print this! AMY Why not, it's all true! The board is using this poor guy! They're depressing the stock so they can buy it cheap! CHIEF It's pure speculation! Why, they'd have my butt in a satchel! SMITTY (chuckling) Ol' satchel-butt... AMY I know they're gonna buy that stock -- CHIEF You don't know anything! Fact is they haven't bought it! The stock is cheap, Archer! What're they waiting for? AMY I don't know... SMITTY Amy's hunches are usually pretty good, Chief. CHIEF You don't accuse someone of stock manipulation on a hunch, Ignatz! The readers of the Manhattan Argus aren't interested in sensationalism, gossip and unsupported speculation. Facts, figures -- those are the tools of the newspaper trade! Why it's almost as if you're trying to take the heat off this Barnes numbskull -- like you've gone all soft on him! SMITTY Come on, Chief, that's a low blow. Archer's not gonna go goey for a corn-fed idiot. CHIEF All right, I was out of line. But you're out of line with this stock swindle story. Gimme some more of that Moron-from-Sheboygan stuff -- AMY Muncie. CHIEF Whatever. That's what sells newspapers. AMY I've got an even hotter story -- The Sap from the City Desk. CHIEF Watch it, Archer -- AMY It's about a dimwitted editor who -- SMITTY Easy, Amy... He gives her a companionable goose. SMITTY ...Let's grab a highball and calm down. She whirls and slaps him. AMY Back off -- smoocher! Smitty rubs his cheek, staring as she storms off. SMITTY (angry) Say, what gives? ENGRAVED INVITATION IT READS: Sidney J. Mussburger President Norville Barnes and The Board of Hudsucker Industries CORDIALLY INVITE YOU TO The Annual Fancy-Dress Hudsucker Christmas Gala Music, Dancing, Refreshments (Dainties) Formal Evening Attire de Rigeuer. The MUSIC OVER the invitation -- "WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS" -- SEGUES INTO the dance music of the Hudsucker Chamber Orchestra. DANCING COUPLES FILL the SCREEN; we GLIDE AMONG them and FINALLY COME to follow one couple: Norville and MRS. MUSSBURGER, a large middle-aged woman of the Margaret Dumont-mold in an elaborately flowered and old-fashioned evening gown, low-cut in spite of her overly-heavy figure. She wears a large flowered hat with a rolled-up veil. MRS. MUSSBURGER -- So we'd gone out to the Hamptons and the garden was in positive ruins! NORVILLE That must have been quite a disappointment, Mrs. Mussburger. MRS. MUSSBURGER Disappointment? J'etais destroyee! I was in bed for a week! Positively sick with fury! I called in the gardener and said, 'Monsieur Gonzalez, either those azaleas come up next spring or you are terminee! She throws her head back and roars with laughter. ANGLE - THEIR FEET As the large woman leans back to laugh, her feet stay planted on the ground and Norville's rise to be dragged with his toes scraping the floor through the continuing dance. MRS. MUSSBURGER I'm brushing up on my French with the most charming man, Pierre of Fifth Avenue. Do you know him? NORVILLE I haven't had -- MRS. MUSSBURGER Sidney and I are planning a trip to Paris and points continental -- Aren't we, dear? Mussburger has ENTERED FRAME. MUSSBURGER Sure, sure. I'm going to borrow Norville for a while, if you don't mind, dear. MIXING DOWN as they leave her: MRS. MUSSBURGER Well, frankly, I... NORVILLE You have a charming wife, Mr. Muss -- uh, Sid. MUSSBURGER So they tell me. Norville, let me shepherd you through some of the introductions here. Try not to talk too much; some of our biggest stockholders are, uh -- scratch that: Say whatever you want. ENTRYWAY As Amy enters in a simple yet stunning evening gown. She looks around the room, then starts across the crowded floor towards the punch bowl. NORVILLE As Mussburger introduces him to a tall, imposing BUSINESSMAN in a tuxedo and a ten-gallon hat. MUSSBURGER Norville Barnes, allow me to introduce Mr. Zebulon Cardozo, one of Hudsucker Industries largest and most loyal stockholders. Ignoring Norville's proffered hand: CARDOZO (BUSINESSMAN) Dammit boy, what's this I hear about you bein' an embecile? What the hell is ailin' ya?! A week ago my stock was worth twice what it is now! I'm considering dumping the whole shootin' match, unless I see some vast improvement! Dammit, boy, It's a range war! Either you pull our wagons into a circle or I'm pullin' out of the wagon train! Norville gives him a forced but hearty laugh of reassurance. NORVILLE No need for concern, sir; it's only natural in a period of transition for the more timid element to run for cover -- CARDOZO So I'm yella, am I?!! He starts peeling off his tuxedo jacket: CARDOZO ...We'll see who's yella!! His WIFE, a small wiry woman, steps in as Mussburger starts dragging Norville away. MRS. CARDOZO Zebulon, you mind now and quit bein' sech an ole grizzly. As he reluctantly starts shrugging back into the jacket: CARDOZO Aww, I wasn't gonna hurt the boy, Lorelei... MUSSBURGER AND NORVILLE As they make their way through the room Norville is mopping at his brow with a handkerchief. NORVILLE I'm sorry, Sid, I thought maybe if I showed him the long view we might -- Thump! Dabbing at his brow, Norville has walked square into the back of a debonaire man

that

How many times the word 'that' appears in the text?

(O.S.) He don't look wise. As Norville turns to leave: VETERAN #2 (O.S.) How does she pull this out? She puts the back of her hand dramatically to her forehead. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) (disbelieving) She isn't! VETERAN #2 (O.S.) (thrilled) She is! And indeed she does: Faint dead away, falling backwards on the stool, so that Norville has no choice but to catch her. Norville holds her awkwardly, looking around for help. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) She's good, Bennie. VETERAN #2 (O.S.) She's damn good, Lou. A WAITRESS enters extreme f.g. to BLOCK OUR VIEW of the swooned woman and the embarrassed Norville. The Waitress is FACING the CAMERA and the two O.S. Veterans; the CROPPING gives us only her torso and the steaming pot of coffee she holds. WAITRESS (bored, nasal voice) Can I get you boys anything else? REVERSE ANGLE Back of the Waitress's torso in f.g.; on either side beyond her, the two Veterans are looking up at her O.S. face. They sport extremely bored expressions, topped by "cabbie" caps. VETERAN #1 Bromo. Beat. VETERAN #2 ...Bromo. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE Looking at its frosted-glass door; the sign painter is just finishing lettering in: NORVILLE BARNES, President. The sign painter makes way as we see Norville's shadow approaching; even from inside the room we can hear that he is WHEEZING HEAVILY. He is apparently carrying the girl, cradled in his arms. He tries to reach down to get the doorknob; can't manage it; turns to press his back against the door and get the knob with his other hand. The door opens as Norville swings around to enter. He is wheezing like a gas pipe about to explode. He swings around to kick the door shut. We see that the lettering on the door is now terribly smudged; we also see, in wet ink, on the seat of Norville's pants: senraB ellivroN tnediserP. Weakly, still cradled in Norville's arms: AMY I'm sorry we had to take the stairs. It was just that horrible little elevator boy... NORVILLE Not at all. You're light as a feather. AMY (pointing languorously) The couch, please. Still wheezing horribly, Norville staggers over to the couch and deposits her gently on it. He straightens up and looks at her. NORVILLE'S POV She is smiling wanly AT the CAMERA. The entire IMAGE PULSATES as the blood pounds behind Norville's eyeballs. We hear the LOUD, RASPING of his BREATH, resonating inside his head. Amy is talking but her voice is barely audible, as if coming from a long way away. BACK TO SCENE NORVILLE Just a minute. He perches drunkenly on the edge of the couch and puts his head between his knees, still fighting for breath. AMY I don't know what came over me. I suppose it was the shock of eating after so long without; the enzymes kicking in after so long, or whatever. But then you couldn't possibly know what it is to be tired and hungry... Speaking into his knees as he wheezes: NORVILLE Hungry, anyway. AMY I don't want to bore you with all the sordid details of my life; it's not a happy story... Norville rises and starts putting throw pillows behind her head. AMY ...Suffice it to say that I'm jobless -- though not for want of trying, that I'm friendless, with no one to -- thank you -- take care of me; and that had you not come along at just exactly the moment that you did -- She screams, staring down at the couch. Norville jumps, startled, then looks where she is looking. On the white sofa cushion where he had been sitting is printed, in wet ink, right side around: NORVILLE BARNES, President. AMY Norville, I didn't know you were president here! Norville stares dumbfounded at the sofa cushion. When the nickel finally drops, he spins around to try to look at the seat of his pants. Distracted but still modest: NORVILLE Oh, it's nothing really. Just determination and hard work... He unbuckles his trousers. NORVILLE ...Of course, when I started in the mailroom last Tuesday I thought it might take more time -- Buzz enters holding a brown paper bag. BUZZ Say, buddy, here's the whiskey you asked f -- He freezes, taking in the scene: Amy reclining on the couch; Norville standing in front of her with his pants around his ankles, still breathing heavily; the bottle of whiskey in his own hand. NORVILLE (flustered) Thank you, Buzz, just leave it on the desk. Leering: BUZZ Happy days, buddy... As he turns to leave: BUZZ ...and I'll tell your secretary you're not to be disturbed. Yowzuh!! He snaps the elastic strap under his chin. After the doors shut behind Buzz: AMY (shuddering) What a horrible little person. NORVILLE Oh, Buzz is pretty harmless, really -- AMY At any rate I arrived in town not ten days ago, full of dreams and aspirations, anxious to make my way in the world -- Norville pours a glass of whiskey and brings it over to her. AMY A little naive perhaps but -- thank you -- armed with determination, a solid work ethic, and an indomitable belief in the future -- NORVILLE I myself -- He crosses back to the desk. AMY Only to have that belief, that unsullied optimism, dashed against the marble and mortar of the modern work place -- Norville takes a cigarette from a large wood cigarette box on the desk and sticks it in his mouth. NORVILLE Cigarette? AMY No thank you. Seek and ye shall find, work and ye shall prosper -- these were the watch words of my education, the ethics of my tender years -- OVER NORVILLE'S SHOULDER He has been pushing the box towards her. The box tilts lazily forward and then disappears over the far lip of the desk. We hear the THUD of the BOX landing amid the pitter-patter of cigarettes raining onto the carpet. Amy's brow crinkles. Continuing: AMY -- these were the values that were instilled in me while I was growing up in a little town you've probably never heard of -- NORVILLE Mind if I join you? He is pouring himself a drink. AMY Be my guest. A little town you've probably -- He tosses back his drink, gags, looks at Amy with his eyes bulging. HIS POV Once again her IMAGE PULSATES. There is a ROARING SOUND and an AIRY STEAM WHISTLE as she silently moves her lips. NORVILLE He waves his arms and talks with a thick rasp as he staggers to his feet. NORVILLE Excuse me -- I -- executive washroom... He staggers out a side door. On his exit Amy leaps to her feet and scurries over to his desk. At the top of her voice: AMY Are you all right?... She throws open the top desk drawer. Inside two lonely lead pencils roll through the otherwise empty drawer. Amy expertly flips a cigarette into her mouth and strikes a match off the desktop. AMY ...Is it your lunch? The chicken a la king? From the washroom: NORVILLE (O.S.) No, I -- Amy throws open another drawer, empty except for an appointment book. As she hurriedly flips through page after blank page an arctic WIND WHISTLES emptiness. One page only has a notation: 11:45. Address Wilkie Grammar School Junior Achievers Club. AMY Is the a la king repeating on you? Amy shoves the appointment book back into the drawer. NORVILLE (O.S.) ...I'm fine, I... You were saying? She mutters: AMY Values... watchwords... uh, tender years... (aloud) -- A little town you've probably never heard of... She hastily stubs out her cigarette and waves her hand to disperse the smoke. AMY ...Muncie, Indiana. She scurries back across the room as we hear the FAUCET BEING TURNED OFF: she re-strikes her languid pose on the couch just as the washroom door opens. Norville gapes, one hand pressing a dripping rag to his forehead. NORVILLE You're from Muncie?! AMY Why yes, do you know it? Norville starts making pumping motions with his fists and loud syncopated grunting noises. Amy gapes at him. He starts singing, off-key: NORVILLE 'Fight on fight on dear old Muncie Fight on -- Hoist the gold and blue You'll be tattered, torn and hurtin' Once 'The Munce' is done with you!' Amy lamely fakes singing along, coming in louder on the last, obvious rhyme. Norville jumps an octave on it; she quickly follows sit, also pumping her fists. As Norville crosses his hands and locks thumbs in front of his nose to make bird wings of his extended fingers: NORVILLE ...Goooooooo Eagles! Amy awkwardly imitates. Norville excitedly sits behind his desk. NORVILLE ...A Muncie girl! Talk about the cat's pyjamas! Tell you what, Amy. I'm gonna cancel the rest of my appointments this afternoon and get you a job here at the Hud. AMY Oh, no, really, I -- NORVILLE Don't bother to thank me, it's the easiest thing in the world. Matter of fact, I know where a vacancy just came up. He hits the intercom. NORVILLE ...Mail room. To Amy: NORVILLE ...This'll only take a moment. INTERCOM (V.O.) Yeah? NORVILLE Good afternoon to ya, this is Norville Barnes -- INTERCOM (V.O.) Barnes! Where the hell have you been! And where's my voucher?! Norville thumps at his pockets. NORVILLE ...Well, I'm not sure where I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I need that voucher! I told you a week ago it was important! NORVILLE But look, I'm president of the company now and I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I don't care if you're president of the company! I need that voucher! Now! CLICK. The intercom goes dead. NORVILLE Oh, of all the foolish... Listen, do you take shorthand? Are you familiar with the mimeograph machine? AMY Of course -- I went to the Muncie, uh, Secretarial Polytechnic! Norville excitedly smacks a fist into a palm. NORVILLE -- A Muncie girl! Can you beat that! AMY Well, I just don't know how to thank you, Mr. Barnes -- NORVILLE Please! Norville! As he reaches to shake: NORVILLE ...It's my pleasure! She reaches for his hand but Norville snatches it away and, winking at her, hooks thumbs in front of his nose and makes wings of his fingers. NORVILLE ...Gooooooo Eagles! AMY likewise hooks her thumbs in front of her nose, makes wings, and, winking back: AMY Gooooooooo Eagles! But we PULL BACK to reveal that the girl is now in a newspaper office, demonstrating the fight sign to SMITTY, a reporter wearing a fedora with a bent-back brim. Smitty howls with laughter. SMITTY (wheezing) ...Once 'The Munce'... Holy... Amy sits down behind a typewriter and, as she starts typing at 80 words per minute: AMY And is this guy from chumpsville?! I pulled the old mother routine -- SMITTY Adenoids? AMY Lumbago. Behind her an ancient man wearing an inksman's visor and sleeve garters toils over a large checkerboarded surface over which he shuffles letter blocks and black spaces. Smitty gives a low whistle. SMITTY That gag's got whiskers on it! The PHONE RINGS and Smitty reaches for it. AMY I'm telling you, Smitty, the board of Hudsucker is up to something -- SMITTY (into phone) Yeah. ANCIENT PUZZLER Say, Amy, what's a six-letter word for an affliction of the hypothalmus? Without a break in her typing: AMY -- And it's a cinch -- Goiter -- it's a cinch this guy isn't in on it. How much time to make the Late Final? Smitty holds the phone away from his ear. SMITTY Chief. Still typing, Amy whistles and nods to her shoulder. Smitty tucks the phone into it as she continues typing. AMY Hiya, Chief, just the person I wanted to apologize to... Smitty is looking at his watch. SMITTY About seven minutes. AMY (still typing) Yeah, I was all wet about your idea man... Well, thanks for being so generous... It is human, and you are divine... No, he's no faker. He's the 100% real McCoy beware-of- imitations genuine article: the guy is a real moron -- To the Ancient Puzzler: AMY -- as in a five-letter word for imbecile -- Back into phone: AMY -- as pure a specimen as I've ever run across... Am I sure he's a nitwit? Heck, if working at the Argus doesn't make me an expert then my name isn't Amy Archer and I've never won the Pulitzer Prize... Her eyes narrow. AMY ...In 1957... My series on the reunited triplets -- come on down here, hammerhead, and I'll show it to ya... ANCIENT PUZZLER Amy, what's a three-letter word for a flightless bird? AMY Not now, Morris, I'm busy -- That's right, I said hammerhead, as in a ten-letter word for a smug bullying self-important newspaperman -- To Morris: AMY -- Gnu -- Into phone: AMY -- who couldn't find -- To Morris: AMY -- That's G-N-U -- Into phone: AMY -- couldn't find the Empire State Building with a compass, a road map and a native guide. To Morris: AMY -- or emu. She slams down the phone. To Smitty: AMY ...And that's just the potatoes, Smitty, here comes the gravy: The chump really likes me. A Muncie girl! Smitty bursts out laughing. SMITTY Better off falling for a rattlesnake. As she continues to type: AMY I'm tellin' ya, this guy's just the patsy and I'm gonna find out what for. There's a real story, Smitty, some kind of plot, a setup, a cabal, a -- oh, and say, did I tell ya?! SMITTY He didn't offer you money. AMY A sawbuck! SMITTY Ten dollars? Let's grab a highball! AMY On Norville Barnes! She rips the page out of the typewriter, swivels in her chair to FACE CAMERA as we TRACK IN CLOSE and she hollers: AMY ...Copy! DISSOLVE THROUGH TO: PRESSES rolling, churning out great quantities of newsprint. Papers piling up one on top of the other, very many, very quickly. DELIVERY MAN throwing a baled stack of papers off the back of his truck. BALED PAPER rolling into the f.g. A hand ENTERS FRAME to snip its wires and wipe off the top paper. PAPER BOY wearing an apron and a little paper boy cap, mouthing "Extra! Extra!" as he holds one of the papers aloft. PAN UP his arm TO the newspaper and, BEYOND it, the towering Hudsucker Building. All of the above -- DISSOLVING WITH: NEWSPAPER spinning TOWARDS the CAMERA and STOPPING FULL FRAME. Its headline, over a picture of Norville smiling, is "IMBECILE HEADS HUDSUCKER." The subheadline: "Not a Brain in his Head." ANOTHER ANGLE - NEWSPAPER is angrily slammed down to reveal that Norville has been reading the inside. His face twisting with fury, he leans forward and hits the intercom. NORVILLE Miss Smith, can you come in please to take a letter... Muttering to himself: NORVILLE ...of all the cockamamie... Amy is bustling in holding a steno pad and a pencil. As she seats herself in front of his desk, he rises to pace behind it. NORVILLE ...Did you happen to see the front page of today's Manhattan Argus? AMY Well, I... didn't bother to read the article. I didn't think the picture did you justice. NORVILLE The picture was fine! It's what that knuckle-headed dame wrote underneath! Of all the irresponsible... Amy, take this down: Dear Miss Archer. I call you 'Miss' because you seem to have 'missed' the boat completely on this one! How on earth would you know whether I'm an imbecile when you don't even have the guts to come in here and interview me man to man! No, change 'guts' to 'courage.' No, make it 'common decency.' These wild speculations about my intelligence -- AMY -- or lack thereof? NORVILLE (nodding) -- these preposterous inventions, would be better suited to the pages of Amazing Tales Magazine. If the editors of the Manhattan Argus see fit to publish the rantings of a disordered mind, perhaps they will see fit to publish this letter! But I doubt it. I most seriously doubt it. As I doubt also that you could find a home at Amazing Tales, a periodical which I have enjoyed for many years. Yours sincerely, et cetera. He drifts into thought. AMY Is that all, Mr. Barnes? NORVILLE ...Well, you know me, Amy, at least better than that that dame does. Do you think I'm an imbecile? AMY I'm sure I -- NORVILLE Go on, tell the truth; I trust you and I put a lot of stock in your opinion. AMY Well, I -- NORVILLE Oh sure, you're biased -- you're a fellow Muncian. But would an imbecile come up with this? He whips the cover sheet off a display pad resting on an easel to reveal a large piece of graph paper with a circle rendered onto it. Amy looks, puzzled, from the circle to Norville's proudly beaming face. NORVILLE ...I designed it myself and this is just the sweet baby that can put Hudsucker right back on top. Amy is bewildered. Norville explains: NORVILLE ...You know! For kids! AMY ...Why don't I just type this up... NORVILLE Aww, naw, Amy, that won't be necessary. I shouldn't send it; she's just doing her job, I guess. AMY Well, I don't know; maybe she does deserve it. Maybe she should've come in to face you man to man. NORVILLE Well, she probably had a deadline... AMY Sure, but -- she could still have gotten your side for the record! NORVILLE Well, it's done now -- what's the use of grousing about it. Forget the letter, Amy, I just had to blow off some steam... She gets up to leave, and is heading for the door when Norville adds: NORVILLE ...She's probably just a little confused. Amy turns at the door. AMY Confused? NORVILLE Yeah, you know, probably one of these fast-talking career gals, thinks she's one of the boys. Probably is one of the boys, if you know what I mean. AMY (through clenched teeth) I'm quite sure I don't know what you mean. NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Suffers from one of these complexes they have nowadays. Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it? She's probably very unattractive and bitter about it. AMY Oh, is that it! NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Probably dresses in men's clothing, swaps drinks with the guys at the local watering hole, and hobnobs with some smooth talking heel in the newsroom named Biff or Smoocher or... AMY Smitty. NORVILLE Exactly. And I bet she's ugly. Real ugly. Otherwise, why wouldn't they print her picture next to her byline? AMY Maybe she puts her work ahead of her personal appearance. NORVILLE I bet that's exactly what she tells herself! But you and I both know she's just a dried-up bitter old maid. Say, how about you and I grab a little dinner and a show after work? I was thinking maybe The King and I -- Whap! Amy slaps him. He stares. NORVILLE ...How about Oklahoma? As she stalks out of the office: AMY Norville Barnes, you don't know a thing about that woman! You don't know who she really is! And only a numbskull thinks he knows things about things he knows nothing about! He stares, rubbing his cheek. NORVILLE Say, what gives? WHISTLE SHRIEKING. SWISH PAN TO: CLOCK Reading five o'clock. SWISH PAN TO: WORKERS Rising from their desks, collecting personal effects, putting on their hats and coats. TIME CLOCK Busy hands punch out. INT. EMPTY HALLWAY Of the executive floor. A security man walks down the hall, whistling, swinging a ring of keys. After he passes the door to the ladies' room it opens, Amy peeks out, emerges, goes into Norville's office. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE She goes to the desk, takes out the appointment book, flips through it. BOOK Still empty except for the one date with the Wilkie Grammer School Junior Achievers Club, which now has a red line drawn across it with the notation CANCELED. AMY looks around the office -- notices something. DOOR Set into the wall to one side it is topped by a small plaque: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. Amy tries the knob, which turns, and enters. INT. ROOM It is big and dim, several stories high, with spiral staircases reaching into, and catwalks criss-crossing, the gloom above. It is filled with contraptions -- works, cogs, gears. There is no window, but on what would be the window wall there is an enormous iron ring with a metal rod sweeping an interior circle. It is the backside of the great Hudsucker clock. Amy gazes about. She crosses to a door opposite the one she entered from. She stoops to peek through its keyhole. HER POV We are LOOKING INTO Sidney J. Mussburger's office. Mussburger sits at his desk barking into a Dictaphone. CLICK-CLICK-CLICK -- the PERPETUAL MOTION BALLS on his desk are going full-tilt; THRUMMMMMMM -- the CLOCK'S exterior second hand sweeps a shadow across the office. Mussburger, it seems, never sleeps. MUSSBURGER Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A49. To: Director of the Jacksonville Facility. Copies to: Legal Affairs, Business Affairs, Central Files. Re: Movement of Raw Materials from the Huron Facility. Due to unfavorable news in the slag markets, Jacksonville inventory must be reduced by 15 percent with overflow diverted to the Waukegan Stamping Facility. Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A50. To: Director of -- BACK TO SCENE VOICE (O.S.) Watchoo doin' down they, Miss Archuh? AMY Huh?! She straightens and turns. Facing her is a very old BLACK MAN in a janitor's jumpsuit with HUDSUCKER INDUSTRIES/The Future Is Now emblazoned across it. We might recognize his voice as that of the narrator who opened the movie. AMY Who are you? How did you know who I am? MOSES (BLACK MAN) Ah guess ole Moses knows jes about ever'thing, leastways if it concerns Hudsuckuh. AMY But -- who are you -- what d'you do here? MOSES Ah keeps the ol' circle turning -- this ol' clock needs plenty o' care. Time is money, Miss Archuh, and money -- it drives that ol' global economy and keeps big Daddy Earth a-spinnin' on 'roun'. Ya see, without that capital fo'mation -- AMY Yeah, yeah. Say, you won't tell anyone about me, will you? MOSES I don't tell no one nothin' lessen they ask. Thatches ain't ole Moses' way. AMY So if you know everything about Hudsucker, tell me why the Board decided to make Norville Barnes president. MOSES Well, that even surprised ole Moses at fust. I didn't think the Board was that smart. AMY That smart?! MOSES But then I figured it out: they did it 'cause they figured young Norville for an imbecile. Like some othuh people ah know. AMY Why on earth would they want a nitwit to be president? MOSES 'Cause they's little pigglies! They's tryin' to inspire panic, make that stock git cheap so's they can snitch it all up fo' themselves! But Norville, he's got some tricks up his sleeve, he does... He draws a circle with his finger in the air. MOSES ...you know, fo' kids? Yeah, he's a smart one, that Norville, heh-heh, he's a caution. Wal, some folks is square, an' some is hip -- To punctuate, he gives a little jerk of his hips. MOSES ...But I guess you don't really know him any better than that board does, do ya, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, maybe I -- MOSES An' only some kind a knucklehead thinks she knows things 'bout things she, uh -- when she don't, uh -- How'd that go? AMY (bristling) It's hardly the same -- MOSES Why you don't even know y'own self -- you ain't exactly the genuine article are you, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, in connection with my job, sometimes I have to go undercover as it were -- MOSES I don't mean that! Why you pretendin' to be such a hard ol' sourpuss! Ain't never gonna make you happy! Never made Warin' happy. AMY (uncomfortably) I'm happy enough. MOSES (chuckles) Okay, Miss Archuh. (turns and walks away) ...I got gears to see to. AMY (calls after him) I'm plenty happy! She is answered only by WHIRRING MACHINERY. MOSES Elsewhere in the great room, he is hunkered down next to a catchment which he buffs with a greasy rag. Amy's VOICE ECHOES UP: AMY (O.S.) ...Hello? MOSES (muttering to himself) Them po' young folks. Looks like Norville's in fo' the same kind o' heartache ol' Warin' had. But then, she never axed me 'bout dat... As OMINOUS MUSIC SWELLS, we -- FADE OUT: FADE IN: INT. CHIEF'S OFFICE He slams down a typescript. CHIEF I can't print this! AMY Why not, it's all true! The board is using this poor guy! They're depressing the stock so they can buy it cheap! CHIEF It's pure speculation! Why, they'd have my butt in a satchel! SMITTY (chuckling) Ol' satchel-butt... AMY I know they're gonna buy that stock -- CHIEF You don't know anything! Fact is they haven't bought it! The stock is cheap, Archer! What're they waiting for? AMY I don't know... SMITTY Amy's hunches are usually pretty good, Chief. CHIEF You don't accuse someone of stock manipulation on a hunch, Ignatz! The readers of the Manhattan Argus aren't interested in sensationalism, gossip and unsupported speculation. Facts, figures -- those are the tools of the newspaper trade! Why it's almost as if you're trying to take the heat off this Barnes numbskull -- like you've gone all soft on him! SMITTY Come on, Chief, that's a low blow. Archer's not gonna go goey for a corn-fed idiot. CHIEF All right, I was out of line. But you're out of line with this stock swindle story. Gimme some more of that Moron-from-Sheboygan stuff -- AMY Muncie. CHIEF Whatever. That's what sells newspapers. AMY I've got an even hotter story -- The Sap from the City Desk. CHIEF Watch it, Archer -- AMY It's about a dimwitted editor who -- SMITTY Easy, Amy... He gives her a companionable goose. SMITTY ...Let's grab a highball and calm down. She whirls and slaps him. AMY Back off -- smoocher! Smitty rubs his cheek, staring as she storms off. SMITTY (angry) Say, what gives? ENGRAVED INVITATION IT READS: Sidney J. Mussburger President Norville Barnes and The Board of Hudsucker Industries CORDIALLY INVITE YOU TO The Annual Fancy-Dress Hudsucker Christmas Gala Music, Dancing, Refreshments (Dainties) Formal Evening Attire de Rigeuer. The MUSIC OVER the invitation -- "WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS" -- SEGUES INTO the dance music of the Hudsucker Chamber Orchestra. DANCING COUPLES FILL the SCREEN; we GLIDE AMONG them and FINALLY COME to follow one couple: Norville and MRS. MUSSBURGER, a large middle-aged woman of the Margaret Dumont-mold in an elaborately flowered and old-fashioned evening gown, low-cut in spite of her overly-heavy figure. She wears a large flowered hat with a rolled-up veil. MRS. MUSSBURGER -- So we'd gone out to the Hamptons and the garden was in positive ruins! NORVILLE That must have been quite a disappointment, Mrs. Mussburger. MRS. MUSSBURGER Disappointment? J'etais destroyee! I was in bed for a week! Positively sick with fury! I called in the gardener and said, 'Monsieur Gonzalez, either those azaleas come up next spring or you are terminee! She throws her head back and roars with laughter. ANGLE - THEIR FEET As the large woman leans back to laugh, her feet stay planted on the ground and Norville's rise to be dragged with his toes scraping the floor through the continuing dance. MRS. MUSSBURGER I'm brushing up on my French with the most charming man, Pierre of Fifth Avenue. Do you know him? NORVILLE I haven't had -- MRS. MUSSBURGER Sidney and I are planning a trip to Paris and points continental -- Aren't we, dear? Mussburger has ENTERED FRAME. MUSSBURGER Sure, sure. I'm going to borrow Norville for a while, if you don't mind, dear. MIXING DOWN as they leave her: MRS. MUSSBURGER Well, frankly, I... NORVILLE You have a charming wife, Mr. Muss -- uh, Sid. MUSSBURGER So they tell me. Norville, let me shepherd you through some of the introductions here. Try not to talk too much; some of our biggest stockholders are, uh -- scratch that: Say whatever you want. ENTRYWAY As Amy enters in a simple yet stunning evening gown. She looks around the room, then starts across the crowded floor towards the punch bowl. NORVILLE As Mussburger introduces him to a tall, imposing BUSINESSMAN in a tuxedo and a ten-gallon hat. MUSSBURGER Norville Barnes, allow me to introduce Mr. Zebulon Cardozo, one of Hudsucker Industries largest and most loyal stockholders. Ignoring Norville's proffered hand: CARDOZO (BUSINESSMAN) Dammit boy, what's this I hear about you bein' an embecile? What the hell is ailin' ya?! A week ago my stock was worth twice what it is now! I'm considering dumping the whole shootin' match, unless I see some vast improvement! Dammit, boy, It's a range war! Either you pull our wagons into a circle or I'm pullin' out of the wagon train! Norville gives him a forced but hearty laugh of reassurance. NORVILLE No need for concern, sir; it's only natural in a period of transition for the more timid element to run for cover -- CARDOZO So I'm yella, am I?!! He starts peeling off his tuxedo jacket: CARDOZO ...We'll see who's yella!! His WIFE, a small wiry woman, steps in as Mussburger starts dragging Norville away. MRS. CARDOZO Zebulon, you mind now and quit bein' sech an ole grizzly. As he reluctantly starts shrugging back into the jacket: CARDOZO Aww, I wasn't gonna hurt the boy, Lorelei... MUSSBURGER AND NORVILLE As they make their way through the room Norville is mopping at his brow with a handkerchief. NORVILLE I'm sorry, Sid, I thought maybe if I showed him the long view we might -- Thump! Dabbing at his brow, Norville has walked square into the back of a debonaire man

hammerhead

How many times the word 'hammerhead' appears in the text?

(O.S.) He don't look wise. As Norville turns to leave: VETERAN #2 (O.S.) How does she pull this out? She puts the back of her hand dramatically to her forehead. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) (disbelieving) She isn't! VETERAN #2 (O.S.) (thrilled) She is! And indeed she does: Faint dead away, falling backwards on the stool, so that Norville has no choice but to catch her. Norville holds her awkwardly, looking around for help. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) She's good, Bennie. VETERAN #2 (O.S.) She's damn good, Lou. A WAITRESS enters extreme f.g. to BLOCK OUR VIEW of the swooned woman and the embarrassed Norville. The Waitress is FACING the CAMERA and the two O.S. Veterans; the CROPPING gives us only her torso and the steaming pot of coffee she holds. WAITRESS (bored, nasal voice) Can I get you boys anything else? REVERSE ANGLE Back of the Waitress's torso in f.g.; on either side beyond her, the two Veterans are looking up at her O.S. face. They sport extremely bored expressions, topped by "cabbie" caps. VETERAN #1 Bromo. Beat. VETERAN #2 ...Bromo. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE Looking at its frosted-glass door; the sign painter is just finishing lettering in: NORVILLE BARNES, President. The sign painter makes way as we see Norville's shadow approaching; even from inside the room we can hear that he is WHEEZING HEAVILY. He is apparently carrying the girl, cradled in his arms. He tries to reach down to get the doorknob; can't manage it; turns to press his back against the door and get the knob with his other hand. The door opens as Norville swings around to enter. He is wheezing like a gas pipe about to explode. He swings around to kick the door shut. We see that the lettering on the door is now terribly smudged; we also see, in wet ink, on the seat of Norville's pants: senraB ellivroN tnediserP. Weakly, still cradled in Norville's arms: AMY I'm sorry we had to take the stairs. It was just that horrible little elevator boy... NORVILLE Not at all. You're light as a feather. AMY (pointing languorously) The couch, please. Still wheezing horribly, Norville staggers over to the couch and deposits her gently on it. He straightens up and looks at her. NORVILLE'S POV She is smiling wanly AT the CAMERA. The entire IMAGE PULSATES as the blood pounds behind Norville's eyeballs. We hear the LOUD, RASPING of his BREATH, resonating inside his head. Amy is talking but her voice is barely audible, as if coming from a long way away. BACK TO SCENE NORVILLE Just a minute. He perches drunkenly on the edge of the couch and puts his head between his knees, still fighting for breath. AMY I don't know what came over me. I suppose it was the shock of eating after so long without; the enzymes kicking in after so long, or whatever. But then you couldn't possibly know what it is to be tired and hungry... Speaking into his knees as he wheezes: NORVILLE Hungry, anyway. AMY I don't want to bore you with all the sordid details of my life; it's not a happy story... Norville rises and starts putting throw pillows behind her head. AMY ...Suffice it to say that I'm jobless -- though not for want of trying, that I'm friendless, with no one to -- thank you -- take care of me; and that had you not come along at just exactly the moment that you did -- She screams, staring down at the couch. Norville jumps, startled, then looks where she is looking. On the white sofa cushion where he had been sitting is printed, in wet ink, right side around: NORVILLE BARNES, President. AMY Norville, I didn't know you were president here! Norville stares dumbfounded at the sofa cushion. When the nickel finally drops, he spins around to try to look at the seat of his pants. Distracted but still modest: NORVILLE Oh, it's nothing really. Just determination and hard work... He unbuckles his trousers. NORVILLE ...Of course, when I started in the mailroom last Tuesday I thought it might take more time -- Buzz enters holding a brown paper bag. BUZZ Say, buddy, here's the whiskey you asked f -- He freezes, taking in the scene: Amy reclining on the couch; Norville standing in front of her with his pants around his ankles, still breathing heavily; the bottle of whiskey in his own hand. NORVILLE (flustered) Thank you, Buzz, just leave it on the desk. Leering: BUZZ Happy days, buddy... As he turns to leave: BUZZ ...and I'll tell your secretary you're not to be disturbed. Yowzuh!! He snaps the elastic strap under his chin. After the doors shut behind Buzz: AMY (shuddering) What a horrible little person. NORVILLE Oh, Buzz is pretty harmless, really -- AMY At any rate I arrived in town not ten days ago, full of dreams and aspirations, anxious to make my way in the world -- Norville pours a glass of whiskey and brings it over to her. AMY A little naive perhaps but -- thank you -- armed with determination, a solid work ethic, and an indomitable belief in the future -- NORVILLE I myself -- He crosses back to the desk. AMY Only to have that belief, that unsullied optimism, dashed against the marble and mortar of the modern work place -- Norville takes a cigarette from a large wood cigarette box on the desk and sticks it in his mouth. NORVILLE Cigarette? AMY No thank you. Seek and ye shall find, work and ye shall prosper -- these were the watch words of my education, the ethics of my tender years -- OVER NORVILLE'S SHOULDER He has been pushing the box towards her. The box tilts lazily forward and then disappears over the far lip of the desk. We hear the THUD of the BOX landing amid the pitter-patter of cigarettes raining onto the carpet. Amy's brow crinkles. Continuing: AMY -- these were the values that were instilled in me while I was growing up in a little town you've probably never heard of -- NORVILLE Mind if I join you? He is pouring himself a drink. AMY Be my guest. A little town you've probably -- He tosses back his drink, gags, looks at Amy with his eyes bulging. HIS POV Once again her IMAGE PULSATES. There is a ROARING SOUND and an AIRY STEAM WHISTLE as she silently moves her lips. NORVILLE He waves his arms and talks with a thick rasp as he staggers to his feet. NORVILLE Excuse me -- I -- executive washroom... He staggers out a side door. On his exit Amy leaps to her feet and scurries over to his desk. At the top of her voice: AMY Are you all right?... She throws open the top desk drawer. Inside two lonely lead pencils roll through the otherwise empty drawer. Amy expertly flips a cigarette into her mouth and strikes a match off the desktop. AMY ...Is it your lunch? The chicken a la king? From the washroom: NORVILLE (O.S.) No, I -- Amy throws open another drawer, empty except for an appointment book. As she hurriedly flips through page after blank page an arctic WIND WHISTLES emptiness. One page only has a notation: 11:45. Address Wilkie Grammar School Junior Achievers Club. AMY Is the a la king repeating on you? Amy shoves the appointment book back into the drawer. NORVILLE (O.S.) ...I'm fine, I... You were saying? She mutters: AMY Values... watchwords... uh, tender years... (aloud) -- A little town you've probably never heard of... She hastily stubs out her cigarette and waves her hand to disperse the smoke. AMY ...Muncie, Indiana. She scurries back across the room as we hear the FAUCET BEING TURNED OFF: she re-strikes her languid pose on the couch just as the washroom door opens. Norville gapes, one hand pressing a dripping rag to his forehead. NORVILLE You're from Muncie?! AMY Why yes, do you know it? Norville starts making pumping motions with his fists and loud syncopated grunting noises. Amy gapes at him. He starts singing, off-key: NORVILLE 'Fight on fight on dear old Muncie Fight on -- Hoist the gold and blue You'll be tattered, torn and hurtin' Once 'The Munce' is done with you!' Amy lamely fakes singing along, coming in louder on the last, obvious rhyme. Norville jumps an octave on it; she quickly follows sit, also pumping her fists. As Norville crosses his hands and locks thumbs in front of his nose to make bird wings of his extended fingers: NORVILLE ...Goooooooo Eagles! Amy awkwardly imitates. Norville excitedly sits behind his desk. NORVILLE ...A Muncie girl! Talk about the cat's pyjamas! Tell you what, Amy. I'm gonna cancel the rest of my appointments this afternoon and get you a job here at the Hud. AMY Oh, no, really, I -- NORVILLE Don't bother to thank me, it's the easiest thing in the world. Matter of fact, I know where a vacancy just came up. He hits the intercom. NORVILLE ...Mail room. To Amy: NORVILLE ...This'll only take a moment. INTERCOM (V.O.) Yeah? NORVILLE Good afternoon to ya, this is Norville Barnes -- INTERCOM (V.O.) Barnes! Where the hell have you been! And where's my voucher?! Norville thumps at his pockets. NORVILLE ...Well, I'm not sure where I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I need that voucher! I told you a week ago it was important! NORVILLE But look, I'm president of the company now and I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I don't care if you're president of the company! I need that voucher! Now! CLICK. The intercom goes dead. NORVILLE Oh, of all the foolish... Listen, do you take shorthand? Are you familiar with the mimeograph machine? AMY Of course -- I went to the Muncie, uh, Secretarial Polytechnic! Norville excitedly smacks a fist into a palm. NORVILLE -- A Muncie girl! Can you beat that! AMY Well, I just don't know how to thank you, Mr. Barnes -- NORVILLE Please! Norville! As he reaches to shake: NORVILLE ...It's my pleasure! She reaches for his hand but Norville snatches it away and, winking at her, hooks thumbs in front of his nose and makes wings of his fingers. NORVILLE ...Gooooooo Eagles! AMY likewise hooks her thumbs in front of her nose, makes wings, and, winking back: AMY Gooooooooo Eagles! But we PULL BACK to reveal that the girl is now in a newspaper office, demonstrating the fight sign to SMITTY, a reporter wearing a fedora with a bent-back brim. Smitty howls with laughter. SMITTY (wheezing) ...Once 'The Munce'... Holy... Amy sits down behind a typewriter and, as she starts typing at 80 words per minute: AMY And is this guy from chumpsville?! I pulled the old mother routine -- SMITTY Adenoids? AMY Lumbago. Behind her an ancient man wearing an inksman's visor and sleeve garters toils over a large checkerboarded surface over which he shuffles letter blocks and black spaces. Smitty gives a low whistle. SMITTY That gag's got whiskers on it! The PHONE RINGS and Smitty reaches for it. AMY I'm telling you, Smitty, the board of Hudsucker is up to something -- SMITTY (into phone) Yeah. ANCIENT PUZZLER Say, Amy, what's a six-letter word for an affliction of the hypothalmus? Without a break in her typing: AMY -- And it's a cinch -- Goiter -- it's a cinch this guy isn't in on it. How much time to make the Late Final? Smitty holds the phone away from his ear. SMITTY Chief. Still typing, Amy whistles and nods to her shoulder. Smitty tucks the phone into it as she continues typing. AMY Hiya, Chief, just the person I wanted to apologize to... Smitty is looking at his watch. SMITTY About seven minutes. AMY (still typing) Yeah, I was all wet about your idea man... Well, thanks for being so generous... It is human, and you are divine... No, he's no faker. He's the 100% real McCoy beware-of- imitations genuine article: the guy is a real moron -- To the Ancient Puzzler: AMY -- as in a five-letter word for imbecile -- Back into phone: AMY -- as pure a specimen as I've ever run across... Am I sure he's a nitwit? Heck, if working at the Argus doesn't make me an expert then my name isn't Amy Archer and I've never won the Pulitzer Prize... Her eyes narrow. AMY ...In 1957... My series on the reunited triplets -- come on down here, hammerhead, and I'll show it to ya... ANCIENT PUZZLER Amy, what's a three-letter word for a flightless bird? AMY Not now, Morris, I'm busy -- That's right, I said hammerhead, as in a ten-letter word for a smug bullying self-important newspaperman -- To Morris: AMY -- Gnu -- Into phone: AMY -- who couldn't find -- To Morris: AMY -- That's G-N-U -- Into phone: AMY -- couldn't find the Empire State Building with a compass, a road map and a native guide. To Morris: AMY -- or emu. She slams down the phone. To Smitty: AMY ...And that's just the potatoes, Smitty, here comes the gravy: The chump really likes me. A Muncie girl! Smitty bursts out laughing. SMITTY Better off falling for a rattlesnake. As she continues to type: AMY I'm tellin' ya, this guy's just the patsy and I'm gonna find out what for. There's a real story, Smitty, some kind of plot, a setup, a cabal, a -- oh, and say, did I tell ya?! SMITTY He didn't offer you money. AMY A sawbuck! SMITTY Ten dollars? Let's grab a highball! AMY On Norville Barnes! She rips the page out of the typewriter, swivels in her chair to FACE CAMERA as we TRACK IN CLOSE and she hollers: AMY ...Copy! DISSOLVE THROUGH TO: PRESSES rolling, churning out great quantities of newsprint. Papers piling up one on top of the other, very many, very quickly. DELIVERY MAN throwing a baled stack of papers off the back of his truck. BALED PAPER rolling into the f.g. A hand ENTERS FRAME to snip its wires and wipe off the top paper. PAPER BOY wearing an apron and a little paper boy cap, mouthing "Extra! Extra!" as he holds one of the papers aloft. PAN UP his arm TO the newspaper and, BEYOND it, the towering Hudsucker Building. All of the above -- DISSOLVING WITH: NEWSPAPER spinning TOWARDS the CAMERA and STOPPING FULL FRAME. Its headline, over a picture of Norville smiling, is "IMBECILE HEADS HUDSUCKER." The subheadline: "Not a Brain in his Head." ANOTHER ANGLE - NEWSPAPER is angrily slammed down to reveal that Norville has been reading the inside. His face twisting with fury, he leans forward and hits the intercom. NORVILLE Miss Smith, can you come in please to take a letter... Muttering to himself: NORVILLE ...of all the cockamamie... Amy is bustling in holding a steno pad and a pencil. As she seats herself in front of his desk, he rises to pace behind it. NORVILLE ...Did you happen to see the front page of today's Manhattan Argus? AMY Well, I... didn't bother to read the article. I didn't think the picture did you justice. NORVILLE The picture was fine! It's what that knuckle-headed dame wrote underneath! Of all the irresponsible... Amy, take this down: Dear Miss Archer. I call you 'Miss' because you seem to have 'missed' the boat completely on this one! How on earth would you know whether I'm an imbecile when you don't even have the guts to come in here and interview me man to man! No, change 'guts' to 'courage.' No, make it 'common decency.' These wild speculations about my intelligence -- AMY -- or lack thereof? NORVILLE (nodding) -- these preposterous inventions, would be better suited to the pages of Amazing Tales Magazine. If the editors of the Manhattan Argus see fit to publish the rantings of a disordered mind, perhaps they will see fit to publish this letter! But I doubt it. I most seriously doubt it. As I doubt also that you could find a home at Amazing Tales, a periodical which I have enjoyed for many years. Yours sincerely, et cetera. He drifts into thought. AMY Is that all, Mr. Barnes? NORVILLE ...Well, you know me, Amy, at least better than that that dame does. Do you think I'm an imbecile? AMY I'm sure I -- NORVILLE Go on, tell the truth; I trust you and I put a lot of stock in your opinion. AMY Well, I -- NORVILLE Oh sure, you're biased -- you're a fellow Muncian. But would an imbecile come up with this? He whips the cover sheet off a display pad resting on an easel to reveal a large piece of graph paper with a circle rendered onto it. Amy looks, puzzled, from the circle to Norville's proudly beaming face. NORVILLE ...I designed it myself and this is just the sweet baby that can put Hudsucker right back on top. Amy is bewildered. Norville explains: NORVILLE ...You know! For kids! AMY ...Why don't I just type this up... NORVILLE Aww, naw, Amy, that won't be necessary. I shouldn't send it; she's just doing her job, I guess. AMY Well, I don't know; maybe she does deserve it. Maybe she should've come in to face you man to man. NORVILLE Well, she probably had a deadline... AMY Sure, but -- she could still have gotten your side for the record! NORVILLE Well, it's done now -- what's the use of grousing about it. Forget the letter, Amy, I just had to blow off some steam... She gets up to leave, and is heading for the door when Norville adds: NORVILLE ...She's probably just a little confused. Amy turns at the door. AMY Confused? NORVILLE Yeah, you know, probably one of these fast-talking career gals, thinks she's one of the boys. Probably is one of the boys, if you know what I mean. AMY (through clenched teeth) I'm quite sure I don't know what you mean. NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Suffers from one of these complexes they have nowadays. Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it? She's probably very unattractive and bitter about it. AMY Oh, is that it! NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Probably dresses in men's clothing, swaps drinks with the guys at the local watering hole, and hobnobs with some smooth talking heel in the newsroom named Biff or Smoocher or... AMY Smitty. NORVILLE Exactly. And I bet she's ugly. Real ugly. Otherwise, why wouldn't they print her picture next to her byline? AMY Maybe she puts her work ahead of her personal appearance. NORVILLE I bet that's exactly what she tells herself! But you and I both know she's just a dried-up bitter old maid. Say, how about you and I grab a little dinner and a show after work? I was thinking maybe The King and I -- Whap! Amy slaps him. He stares. NORVILLE ...How about Oklahoma? As she stalks out of the office: AMY Norville Barnes, you don't know a thing about that woman! You don't know who she really is! And only a numbskull thinks he knows things about things he knows nothing about! He stares, rubbing his cheek. NORVILLE Say, what gives? WHISTLE SHRIEKING. SWISH PAN TO: CLOCK Reading five o'clock. SWISH PAN TO: WORKERS Rising from their desks, collecting personal effects, putting on their hats and coats. TIME CLOCK Busy hands punch out. INT. EMPTY HALLWAY Of the executive floor. A security man walks down the hall, whistling, swinging a ring of keys. After he passes the door to the ladies' room it opens, Amy peeks out, emerges, goes into Norville's office. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE She goes to the desk, takes out the appointment book, flips through it. BOOK Still empty except for the one date with the Wilkie Grammer School Junior Achievers Club, which now has a red line drawn across it with the notation CANCELED. AMY looks around the office -- notices something. DOOR Set into the wall to one side it is topped by a small plaque: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. Amy tries the knob, which turns, and enters. INT. ROOM It is big and dim, several stories high, with spiral staircases reaching into, and catwalks criss-crossing, the gloom above. It is filled with contraptions -- works, cogs, gears. There is no window, but on what would be the window wall there is an enormous iron ring with a metal rod sweeping an interior circle. It is the backside of the great Hudsucker clock. Amy gazes about. She crosses to a door opposite the one she entered from. She stoops to peek through its keyhole. HER POV We are LOOKING INTO Sidney J. Mussburger's office. Mussburger sits at his desk barking into a Dictaphone. CLICK-CLICK-CLICK -- the PERPETUAL MOTION BALLS on his desk are going full-tilt; THRUMMMMMMM -- the CLOCK'S exterior second hand sweeps a shadow across the office. Mussburger, it seems, never sleeps. MUSSBURGER Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A49. To: Director of the Jacksonville Facility. Copies to: Legal Affairs, Business Affairs, Central Files. Re: Movement of Raw Materials from the Huron Facility. Due to unfavorable news in the slag markets, Jacksonville inventory must be reduced by 15 percent with overflow diverted to the Waukegan Stamping Facility. Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A50. To: Director of -- BACK TO SCENE VOICE (O.S.) Watchoo doin' down they, Miss Archuh? AMY Huh?! She straightens and turns. Facing her is a very old BLACK MAN in a janitor's jumpsuit with HUDSUCKER INDUSTRIES/The Future Is Now emblazoned across it. We might recognize his voice as that of the narrator who opened the movie. AMY Who are you? How did you know who I am? MOSES (BLACK MAN) Ah guess ole Moses knows jes about ever'thing, leastways if it concerns Hudsuckuh. AMY But -- who are you -- what d'you do here? MOSES Ah keeps the ol' circle turning -- this ol' clock needs plenty o' care. Time is money, Miss Archuh, and money -- it drives that ol' global economy and keeps big Daddy Earth a-spinnin' on 'roun'. Ya see, without that capital fo'mation -- AMY Yeah, yeah. Say, you won't tell anyone about me, will you? MOSES I don't tell no one nothin' lessen they ask. Thatches ain't ole Moses' way. AMY So if you know everything about Hudsucker, tell me why the Board decided to make Norville Barnes president. MOSES Well, that even surprised ole Moses at fust. I didn't think the Board was that smart. AMY That smart?! MOSES But then I figured it out: they did it 'cause they figured young Norville for an imbecile. Like some othuh people ah know. AMY Why on earth would they want a nitwit to be president? MOSES 'Cause they's little pigglies! They's tryin' to inspire panic, make that stock git cheap so's they can snitch it all up fo' themselves! But Norville, he's got some tricks up his sleeve, he does... He draws a circle with his finger in the air. MOSES ...you know, fo' kids? Yeah, he's a smart one, that Norville, heh-heh, he's a caution. Wal, some folks is square, an' some is hip -- To punctuate, he gives a little jerk of his hips. MOSES ...But I guess you don't really know him any better than that board does, do ya, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, maybe I -- MOSES An' only some kind a knucklehead thinks she knows things 'bout things she, uh -- when she don't, uh -- How'd that go? AMY (bristling) It's hardly the same -- MOSES Why you don't even know y'own self -- you ain't exactly the genuine article are you, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, in connection with my job, sometimes I have to go undercover as it were -- MOSES I don't mean that! Why you pretendin' to be such a hard ol' sourpuss! Ain't never gonna make you happy! Never made Warin' happy. AMY (uncomfortably) I'm happy enough. MOSES (chuckles) Okay, Miss Archuh. (turns and walks away) ...I got gears to see to. AMY (calls after him) I'm plenty happy! She is answered only by WHIRRING MACHINERY. MOSES Elsewhere in the great room, he is hunkered down next to a catchment which he buffs with a greasy rag. Amy's VOICE ECHOES UP: AMY (O.S.) ...Hello? MOSES (muttering to himself) Them po' young folks. Looks like Norville's in fo' the same kind o' heartache ol' Warin' had. But then, she never axed me 'bout dat... As OMINOUS MUSIC SWELLS, we -- FADE OUT: FADE IN: INT. CHIEF'S OFFICE He slams down a typescript. CHIEF I can't print this! AMY Why not, it's all true! The board is using this poor guy! They're depressing the stock so they can buy it cheap! CHIEF It's pure speculation! Why, they'd have my butt in a satchel! SMITTY (chuckling) Ol' satchel-butt... AMY I know they're gonna buy that stock -- CHIEF You don't know anything! Fact is they haven't bought it! The stock is cheap, Archer! What're they waiting for? AMY I don't know... SMITTY Amy's hunches are usually pretty good, Chief. CHIEF You don't accuse someone of stock manipulation on a hunch, Ignatz! The readers of the Manhattan Argus aren't interested in sensationalism, gossip and unsupported speculation. Facts, figures -- those are the tools of the newspaper trade! Why it's almost as if you're trying to take the heat off this Barnes numbskull -- like you've gone all soft on him! SMITTY Come on, Chief, that's a low blow. Archer's not gonna go goey for a corn-fed idiot. CHIEF All right, I was out of line. But you're out of line with this stock swindle story. Gimme some more of that Moron-from-Sheboygan stuff -- AMY Muncie. CHIEF Whatever. That's what sells newspapers. AMY I've got an even hotter story -- The Sap from the City Desk. CHIEF Watch it, Archer -- AMY It's about a dimwitted editor who -- SMITTY Easy, Amy... He gives her a companionable goose. SMITTY ...Let's grab a highball and calm down. She whirls and slaps him. AMY Back off -- smoocher! Smitty rubs his cheek, staring as she storms off. SMITTY (angry) Say, what gives? ENGRAVED INVITATION IT READS: Sidney J. Mussburger President Norville Barnes and The Board of Hudsucker Industries CORDIALLY INVITE YOU TO The Annual Fancy-Dress Hudsucker Christmas Gala Music, Dancing, Refreshments (Dainties) Formal Evening Attire de Rigeuer. The MUSIC OVER the invitation -- "WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS" -- SEGUES INTO the dance music of the Hudsucker Chamber Orchestra. DANCING COUPLES FILL the SCREEN; we GLIDE AMONG them and FINALLY COME to follow one couple: Norville and MRS. MUSSBURGER, a large middle-aged woman of the Margaret Dumont-mold in an elaborately flowered and old-fashioned evening gown, low-cut in spite of her overly-heavy figure. She wears a large flowered hat with a rolled-up veil. MRS. MUSSBURGER -- So we'd gone out to the Hamptons and the garden was in positive ruins! NORVILLE That must have been quite a disappointment, Mrs. Mussburger. MRS. MUSSBURGER Disappointment? J'etais destroyee! I was in bed for a week! Positively sick with fury! I called in the gardener and said, 'Monsieur Gonzalez, either those azaleas come up next spring or you are terminee! She throws her head back and roars with laughter. ANGLE - THEIR FEET As the large woman leans back to laugh, her feet stay planted on the ground and Norville's rise to be dragged with his toes scraping the floor through the continuing dance. MRS. MUSSBURGER I'm brushing up on my French with the most charming man, Pierre of Fifth Avenue. Do you know him? NORVILLE I haven't had -- MRS. MUSSBURGER Sidney and I are planning a trip to Paris and points continental -- Aren't we, dear? Mussburger has ENTERED FRAME. MUSSBURGER Sure, sure. I'm going to borrow Norville for a while, if you don't mind, dear. MIXING DOWN as they leave her: MRS. MUSSBURGER Well, frankly, I... NORVILLE You have a charming wife, Mr. Muss -- uh, Sid. MUSSBURGER So they tell me. Norville, let me shepherd you through some of the introductions here. Try not to talk too much; some of our biggest stockholders are, uh -- scratch that: Say whatever you want. ENTRYWAY As Amy enters in a simple yet stunning evening gown. She looks around the room, then starts across the crowded floor towards the punch bowl. NORVILLE As Mussburger introduces him to a tall, imposing BUSINESSMAN in a tuxedo and a ten-gallon hat. MUSSBURGER Norville Barnes, allow me to introduce Mr. Zebulon Cardozo, one of Hudsucker Industries largest and most loyal stockholders. Ignoring Norville's proffered hand: CARDOZO (BUSINESSMAN) Dammit boy, what's this I hear about you bein' an embecile? What the hell is ailin' ya?! A week ago my stock was worth twice what it is now! I'm considering dumping the whole shootin' match, unless I see some vast improvement! Dammit, boy, It's a range war! Either you pull our wagons into a circle or I'm pullin' out of the wagon train! Norville gives him a forced but hearty laugh of reassurance. NORVILLE No need for concern, sir; it's only natural in a period of transition for the more timid element to run for cover -- CARDOZO So I'm yella, am I?!! He starts peeling off his tuxedo jacket: CARDOZO ...We'll see who's yella!! His WIFE, a small wiry woman, steps in as Mussburger starts dragging Norville away. MRS. CARDOZO Zebulon, you mind now and quit bein' sech an ole grizzly. As he reluctantly starts shrugging back into the jacket: CARDOZO Aww, I wasn't gonna hurt the boy, Lorelei... MUSSBURGER AND NORVILLE As they make their way through the room Norville is mopping at his brow with a handkerchief. NORVILLE I'm sorry, Sid, I thought maybe if I showed him the long view we might -- Thump! Dabbing at his brow, Norville has walked square into the back of a debonaire man

f.g

How many times the word 'f.g' appears in the text?

(O.S.) He don't look wise. As Norville turns to leave: VETERAN #2 (O.S.) How does she pull this out? She puts the back of her hand dramatically to her forehead. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) (disbelieving) She isn't! VETERAN #2 (O.S.) (thrilled) She is! And indeed she does: Faint dead away, falling backwards on the stool, so that Norville has no choice but to catch her. Norville holds her awkwardly, looking around for help. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) She's good, Bennie. VETERAN #2 (O.S.) She's damn good, Lou. A WAITRESS enters extreme f.g. to BLOCK OUR VIEW of the swooned woman and the embarrassed Norville. The Waitress is FACING the CAMERA and the two O.S. Veterans; the CROPPING gives us only her torso and the steaming pot of coffee she holds. WAITRESS (bored, nasal voice) Can I get you boys anything else? REVERSE ANGLE Back of the Waitress's torso in f.g.; on either side beyond her, the two Veterans are looking up at her O.S. face. They sport extremely bored expressions, topped by "cabbie" caps. VETERAN #1 Bromo. Beat. VETERAN #2 ...Bromo. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE Looking at its frosted-glass door; the sign painter is just finishing lettering in: NORVILLE BARNES, President. The sign painter makes way as we see Norville's shadow approaching; even from inside the room we can hear that he is WHEEZING HEAVILY. He is apparently carrying the girl, cradled in his arms. He tries to reach down to get the doorknob; can't manage it; turns to press his back against the door and get the knob with his other hand. The door opens as Norville swings around to enter. He is wheezing like a gas pipe about to explode. He swings around to kick the door shut. We see that the lettering on the door is now terribly smudged; we also see, in wet ink, on the seat of Norville's pants: senraB ellivroN tnediserP. Weakly, still cradled in Norville's arms: AMY I'm sorry we had to take the stairs. It was just that horrible little elevator boy... NORVILLE Not at all. You're light as a feather. AMY (pointing languorously) The couch, please. Still wheezing horribly, Norville staggers over to the couch and deposits her gently on it. He straightens up and looks at her. NORVILLE'S POV She is smiling wanly AT the CAMERA. The entire IMAGE PULSATES as the blood pounds behind Norville's eyeballs. We hear the LOUD, RASPING of his BREATH, resonating inside his head. Amy is talking but her voice is barely audible, as if coming from a long way away. BACK TO SCENE NORVILLE Just a minute. He perches drunkenly on the edge of the couch and puts his head between his knees, still fighting for breath. AMY I don't know what came over me. I suppose it was the shock of eating after so long without; the enzymes kicking in after so long, or whatever. But then you couldn't possibly know what it is to be tired and hungry... Speaking into his knees as he wheezes: NORVILLE Hungry, anyway. AMY I don't want to bore you with all the sordid details of my life; it's not a happy story... Norville rises and starts putting throw pillows behind her head. AMY ...Suffice it to say that I'm jobless -- though not for want of trying, that I'm friendless, with no one to -- thank you -- take care of me; and that had you not come along at just exactly the moment that you did -- She screams, staring down at the couch. Norville jumps, startled, then looks where she is looking. On the white sofa cushion where he had been sitting is printed, in wet ink, right side around: NORVILLE BARNES, President. AMY Norville, I didn't know you were president here! Norville stares dumbfounded at the sofa cushion. When the nickel finally drops, he spins around to try to look at the seat of his pants. Distracted but still modest: NORVILLE Oh, it's nothing really. Just determination and hard work... He unbuckles his trousers. NORVILLE ...Of course, when I started in the mailroom last Tuesday I thought it might take more time -- Buzz enters holding a brown paper bag. BUZZ Say, buddy, here's the whiskey you asked f -- He freezes, taking in the scene: Amy reclining on the couch; Norville standing in front of her with his pants around his ankles, still breathing heavily; the bottle of whiskey in his own hand. NORVILLE (flustered) Thank you, Buzz, just leave it on the desk. Leering: BUZZ Happy days, buddy... As he turns to leave: BUZZ ...and I'll tell your secretary you're not to be disturbed. Yowzuh!! He snaps the elastic strap under his chin. After the doors shut behind Buzz: AMY (shuddering) What a horrible little person. NORVILLE Oh, Buzz is pretty harmless, really -- AMY At any rate I arrived in town not ten days ago, full of dreams and aspirations, anxious to make my way in the world -- Norville pours a glass of whiskey and brings it over to her. AMY A little naive perhaps but -- thank you -- armed with determination, a solid work ethic, and an indomitable belief in the future -- NORVILLE I myself -- He crosses back to the desk. AMY Only to have that belief, that unsullied optimism, dashed against the marble and mortar of the modern work place -- Norville takes a cigarette from a large wood cigarette box on the desk and sticks it in his mouth. NORVILLE Cigarette? AMY No thank you. Seek and ye shall find, work and ye shall prosper -- these were the watch words of my education, the ethics of my tender years -- OVER NORVILLE'S SHOULDER He has been pushing the box towards her. The box tilts lazily forward and then disappears over the far lip of the desk. We hear the THUD of the BOX landing amid the pitter-patter of cigarettes raining onto the carpet. Amy's brow crinkles. Continuing: AMY -- these were the values that were instilled in me while I was growing up in a little town you've probably never heard of -- NORVILLE Mind if I join you? He is pouring himself a drink. AMY Be my guest. A little town you've probably -- He tosses back his drink, gags, looks at Amy with his eyes bulging. HIS POV Once again her IMAGE PULSATES. There is a ROARING SOUND and an AIRY STEAM WHISTLE as she silently moves her lips. NORVILLE He waves his arms and talks with a thick rasp as he staggers to his feet. NORVILLE Excuse me -- I -- executive washroom... He staggers out a side door. On his exit Amy leaps to her feet and scurries over to his desk. At the top of her voice: AMY Are you all right?... She throws open the top desk drawer. Inside two lonely lead pencils roll through the otherwise empty drawer. Amy expertly flips a cigarette into her mouth and strikes a match off the desktop. AMY ...Is it your lunch? The chicken a la king? From the washroom: NORVILLE (O.S.) No, I -- Amy throws open another drawer, empty except for an appointment book. As she hurriedly flips through page after blank page an arctic WIND WHISTLES emptiness. One page only has a notation: 11:45. Address Wilkie Grammar School Junior Achievers Club. AMY Is the a la king repeating on you? Amy shoves the appointment book back into the drawer. NORVILLE (O.S.) ...I'm fine, I... You were saying? She mutters: AMY Values... watchwords... uh, tender years... (aloud) -- A little town you've probably never heard of... She hastily stubs out her cigarette and waves her hand to disperse the smoke. AMY ...Muncie, Indiana. She scurries back across the room as we hear the FAUCET BEING TURNED OFF: she re-strikes her languid pose on the couch just as the washroom door opens. Norville gapes, one hand pressing a dripping rag to his forehead. NORVILLE You're from Muncie?! AMY Why yes, do you know it? Norville starts making pumping motions with his fists and loud syncopated grunting noises. Amy gapes at him. He starts singing, off-key: NORVILLE 'Fight on fight on dear old Muncie Fight on -- Hoist the gold and blue You'll be tattered, torn and hurtin' Once 'The Munce' is done with you!' Amy lamely fakes singing along, coming in louder on the last, obvious rhyme. Norville jumps an octave on it; she quickly follows sit, also pumping her fists. As Norville crosses his hands and locks thumbs in front of his nose to make bird wings of his extended fingers: NORVILLE ...Goooooooo Eagles! Amy awkwardly imitates. Norville excitedly sits behind his desk. NORVILLE ...A Muncie girl! Talk about the cat's pyjamas! Tell you what, Amy. I'm gonna cancel the rest of my appointments this afternoon and get you a job here at the Hud. AMY Oh, no, really, I -- NORVILLE Don't bother to thank me, it's the easiest thing in the world. Matter of fact, I know where a vacancy just came up. He hits the intercom. NORVILLE ...Mail room. To Amy: NORVILLE ...This'll only take a moment. INTERCOM (V.O.) Yeah? NORVILLE Good afternoon to ya, this is Norville Barnes -- INTERCOM (V.O.) Barnes! Where the hell have you been! And where's my voucher?! Norville thumps at his pockets. NORVILLE ...Well, I'm not sure where I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I need that voucher! I told you a week ago it was important! NORVILLE But look, I'm president of the company now and I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I don't care if you're president of the company! I need that voucher! Now! CLICK. The intercom goes dead. NORVILLE Oh, of all the foolish... Listen, do you take shorthand? Are you familiar with the mimeograph machine? AMY Of course -- I went to the Muncie, uh, Secretarial Polytechnic! Norville excitedly smacks a fist into a palm. NORVILLE -- A Muncie girl! Can you beat that! AMY Well, I just don't know how to thank you, Mr. Barnes -- NORVILLE Please! Norville! As he reaches to shake: NORVILLE ...It's my pleasure! She reaches for his hand but Norville snatches it away and, winking at her, hooks thumbs in front of his nose and makes wings of his fingers. NORVILLE ...Gooooooo Eagles! AMY likewise hooks her thumbs in front of her nose, makes wings, and, winking back: AMY Gooooooooo Eagles! But we PULL BACK to reveal that the girl is now in a newspaper office, demonstrating the fight sign to SMITTY, a reporter wearing a fedora with a bent-back brim. Smitty howls with laughter. SMITTY (wheezing) ...Once 'The Munce'... Holy... Amy sits down behind a typewriter and, as she starts typing at 80 words per minute: AMY And is this guy from chumpsville?! I pulled the old mother routine -- SMITTY Adenoids? AMY Lumbago. Behind her an ancient man wearing an inksman's visor and sleeve garters toils over a large checkerboarded surface over which he shuffles letter blocks and black spaces. Smitty gives a low whistle. SMITTY That gag's got whiskers on it! The PHONE RINGS and Smitty reaches for it. AMY I'm telling you, Smitty, the board of Hudsucker is up to something -- SMITTY (into phone) Yeah. ANCIENT PUZZLER Say, Amy, what's a six-letter word for an affliction of the hypothalmus? Without a break in her typing: AMY -- And it's a cinch -- Goiter -- it's a cinch this guy isn't in on it. How much time to make the Late Final? Smitty holds the phone away from his ear. SMITTY Chief. Still typing, Amy whistles and nods to her shoulder. Smitty tucks the phone into it as she continues typing. AMY Hiya, Chief, just the person I wanted to apologize to... Smitty is looking at his watch. SMITTY About seven minutes. AMY (still typing) Yeah, I was all wet about your idea man... Well, thanks for being so generous... It is human, and you are divine... No, he's no faker. He's the 100% real McCoy beware-of- imitations genuine article: the guy is a real moron -- To the Ancient Puzzler: AMY -- as in a five-letter word for imbecile -- Back into phone: AMY -- as pure a specimen as I've ever run across... Am I sure he's a nitwit? Heck, if working at the Argus doesn't make me an expert then my name isn't Amy Archer and I've never won the Pulitzer Prize... Her eyes narrow. AMY ...In 1957... My series on the reunited triplets -- come on down here, hammerhead, and I'll show it to ya... ANCIENT PUZZLER Amy, what's a three-letter word for a flightless bird? AMY Not now, Morris, I'm busy -- That's right, I said hammerhead, as in a ten-letter word for a smug bullying self-important newspaperman -- To Morris: AMY -- Gnu -- Into phone: AMY -- who couldn't find -- To Morris: AMY -- That's G-N-U -- Into phone: AMY -- couldn't find the Empire State Building with a compass, a road map and a native guide. To Morris: AMY -- or emu. She slams down the phone. To Smitty: AMY ...And that's just the potatoes, Smitty, here comes the gravy: The chump really likes me. A Muncie girl! Smitty bursts out laughing. SMITTY Better off falling for a rattlesnake. As she continues to type: AMY I'm tellin' ya, this guy's just the patsy and I'm gonna find out what for. There's a real story, Smitty, some kind of plot, a setup, a cabal, a -- oh, and say, did I tell ya?! SMITTY He didn't offer you money. AMY A sawbuck! SMITTY Ten dollars? Let's grab a highball! AMY On Norville Barnes! She rips the page out of the typewriter, swivels in her chair to FACE CAMERA as we TRACK IN CLOSE and she hollers: AMY ...Copy! DISSOLVE THROUGH TO: PRESSES rolling, churning out great quantities of newsprint. Papers piling up one on top of the other, very many, very quickly. DELIVERY MAN throwing a baled stack of papers off the back of his truck. BALED PAPER rolling into the f.g. A hand ENTERS FRAME to snip its wires and wipe off the top paper. PAPER BOY wearing an apron and a little paper boy cap, mouthing "Extra! Extra!" as he holds one of the papers aloft. PAN UP his arm TO the newspaper and, BEYOND it, the towering Hudsucker Building. All of the above -- DISSOLVING WITH: NEWSPAPER spinning TOWARDS the CAMERA and STOPPING FULL FRAME. Its headline, over a picture of Norville smiling, is "IMBECILE HEADS HUDSUCKER." The subheadline: "Not a Brain in his Head." ANOTHER ANGLE - NEWSPAPER is angrily slammed down to reveal that Norville has been reading the inside. His face twisting with fury, he leans forward and hits the intercom. NORVILLE Miss Smith, can you come in please to take a letter... Muttering to himself: NORVILLE ...of all the cockamamie... Amy is bustling in holding a steno pad and a pencil. As she seats herself in front of his desk, he rises to pace behind it. NORVILLE ...Did you happen to see the front page of today's Manhattan Argus? AMY Well, I... didn't bother to read the article. I didn't think the picture did you justice. NORVILLE The picture was fine! It's what that knuckle-headed dame wrote underneath! Of all the irresponsible... Amy, take this down: Dear Miss Archer. I call you 'Miss' because you seem to have 'missed' the boat completely on this one! How on earth would you know whether I'm an imbecile when you don't even have the guts to come in here and interview me man to man! No, change 'guts' to 'courage.' No, make it 'common decency.' These wild speculations about my intelligence -- AMY -- or lack thereof? NORVILLE (nodding) -- these preposterous inventions, would be better suited to the pages of Amazing Tales Magazine. If the editors of the Manhattan Argus see fit to publish the rantings of a disordered mind, perhaps they will see fit to publish this letter! But I doubt it. I most seriously doubt it. As I doubt also that you could find a home at Amazing Tales, a periodical which I have enjoyed for many years. Yours sincerely, et cetera. He drifts into thought. AMY Is that all, Mr. Barnes? NORVILLE ...Well, you know me, Amy, at least better than that that dame does. Do you think I'm an imbecile? AMY I'm sure I -- NORVILLE Go on, tell the truth; I trust you and I put a lot of stock in your opinion. AMY Well, I -- NORVILLE Oh sure, you're biased -- you're a fellow Muncian. But would an imbecile come up with this? He whips the cover sheet off a display pad resting on an easel to reveal a large piece of graph paper with a circle rendered onto it. Amy looks, puzzled, from the circle to Norville's proudly beaming face. NORVILLE ...I designed it myself and this is just the sweet baby that can put Hudsucker right back on top. Amy is bewildered. Norville explains: NORVILLE ...You know! For kids! AMY ...Why don't I just type this up... NORVILLE Aww, naw, Amy, that won't be necessary. I shouldn't send it; she's just doing her job, I guess. AMY Well, I don't know; maybe she does deserve it. Maybe she should've come in to face you man to man. NORVILLE Well, she probably had a deadline... AMY Sure, but -- she could still have gotten your side for the record! NORVILLE Well, it's done now -- what's the use of grousing about it. Forget the letter, Amy, I just had to blow off some steam... She gets up to leave, and is heading for the door when Norville adds: NORVILLE ...She's probably just a little confused. Amy turns at the door. AMY Confused? NORVILLE Yeah, you know, probably one of these fast-talking career gals, thinks she's one of the boys. Probably is one of the boys, if you know what I mean. AMY (through clenched teeth) I'm quite sure I don't know what you mean. NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Suffers from one of these complexes they have nowadays. Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it? She's probably very unattractive and bitter about it. AMY Oh, is that it! NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Probably dresses in men's clothing, swaps drinks with the guys at the local watering hole, and hobnobs with some smooth talking heel in the newsroom named Biff or Smoocher or... AMY Smitty. NORVILLE Exactly. And I bet she's ugly. Real ugly. Otherwise, why wouldn't they print her picture next to her byline? AMY Maybe she puts her work ahead of her personal appearance. NORVILLE I bet that's exactly what she tells herself! But you and I both know she's just a dried-up bitter old maid. Say, how about you and I grab a little dinner and a show after work? I was thinking maybe The King and I -- Whap! Amy slaps him. He stares. NORVILLE ...How about Oklahoma? As she stalks out of the office: AMY Norville Barnes, you don't know a thing about that woman! You don't know who she really is! And only a numbskull thinks he knows things about things he knows nothing about! He stares, rubbing his cheek. NORVILLE Say, what gives? WHISTLE SHRIEKING. SWISH PAN TO: CLOCK Reading five o'clock. SWISH PAN TO: WORKERS Rising from their desks, collecting personal effects, putting on their hats and coats. TIME CLOCK Busy hands punch out. INT. EMPTY HALLWAY Of the executive floor. A security man walks down the hall, whistling, swinging a ring of keys. After he passes the door to the ladies' room it opens, Amy peeks out, emerges, goes into Norville's office. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE She goes to the desk, takes out the appointment book, flips through it. BOOK Still empty except for the one date with the Wilkie Grammer School Junior Achievers Club, which now has a red line drawn across it with the notation CANCELED. AMY looks around the office -- notices something. DOOR Set into the wall to one side it is topped by a small plaque: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. Amy tries the knob, which turns, and enters. INT. ROOM It is big and dim, several stories high, with spiral staircases reaching into, and catwalks criss-crossing, the gloom above. It is filled with contraptions -- works, cogs, gears. There is no window, but on what would be the window wall there is an enormous iron ring with a metal rod sweeping an interior circle. It is the backside of the great Hudsucker clock. Amy gazes about. She crosses to a door opposite the one she entered from. She stoops to peek through its keyhole. HER POV We are LOOKING INTO Sidney J. Mussburger's office. Mussburger sits at his desk barking into a Dictaphone. CLICK-CLICK-CLICK -- the PERPETUAL MOTION BALLS on his desk are going full-tilt; THRUMMMMMMM -- the CLOCK'S exterior second hand sweeps a shadow across the office. Mussburger, it seems, never sleeps. MUSSBURGER Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A49. To: Director of the Jacksonville Facility. Copies to: Legal Affairs, Business Affairs, Central Files. Re: Movement of Raw Materials from the Huron Facility. Due to unfavorable news in the slag markets, Jacksonville inventory must be reduced by 15 percent with overflow diverted to the Waukegan Stamping Facility. Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A50. To: Director of -- BACK TO SCENE VOICE (O.S.) Watchoo doin' down they, Miss Archuh? AMY Huh?! She straightens and turns. Facing her is a very old BLACK MAN in a janitor's jumpsuit with HUDSUCKER INDUSTRIES/The Future Is Now emblazoned across it. We might recognize his voice as that of the narrator who opened the movie. AMY Who are you? How did you know who I am? MOSES (BLACK MAN) Ah guess ole Moses knows jes about ever'thing, leastways if it concerns Hudsuckuh. AMY But -- who are you -- what d'you do here? MOSES Ah keeps the ol' circle turning -- this ol' clock needs plenty o' care. Time is money, Miss Archuh, and money -- it drives that ol' global economy and keeps big Daddy Earth a-spinnin' on 'roun'. Ya see, without that capital fo'mation -- AMY Yeah, yeah. Say, you won't tell anyone about me, will you? MOSES I don't tell no one nothin' lessen they ask. Thatches ain't ole Moses' way. AMY So if you know everything about Hudsucker, tell me why the Board decided to make Norville Barnes president. MOSES Well, that even surprised ole Moses at fust. I didn't think the Board was that smart. AMY That smart?! MOSES But then I figured it out: they did it 'cause they figured young Norville for an imbecile. Like some othuh people ah know. AMY Why on earth would they want a nitwit to be president? MOSES 'Cause they's little pigglies! They's tryin' to inspire panic, make that stock git cheap so's they can snitch it all up fo' themselves! But Norville, he's got some tricks up his sleeve, he does... He draws a circle with his finger in the air. MOSES ...you know, fo' kids? Yeah, he's a smart one, that Norville, heh-heh, he's a caution. Wal, some folks is square, an' some is hip -- To punctuate, he gives a little jerk of his hips. MOSES ...But I guess you don't really know him any better than that board does, do ya, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, maybe I -- MOSES An' only some kind a knucklehead thinks she knows things 'bout things she, uh -- when she don't, uh -- How'd that go? AMY (bristling) It's hardly the same -- MOSES Why you don't even know y'own self -- you ain't exactly the genuine article are you, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, in connection with my job, sometimes I have to go undercover as it were -- MOSES I don't mean that! Why you pretendin' to be such a hard ol' sourpuss! Ain't never gonna make you happy! Never made Warin' happy. AMY (uncomfortably) I'm happy enough. MOSES (chuckles) Okay, Miss Archuh. (turns and walks away) ...I got gears to see to. AMY (calls after him) I'm plenty happy! She is answered only by WHIRRING MACHINERY. MOSES Elsewhere in the great room, he is hunkered down next to a catchment which he buffs with a greasy rag. Amy's VOICE ECHOES UP: AMY (O.S.) ...Hello? MOSES (muttering to himself) Them po' young folks. Looks like Norville's in fo' the same kind o' heartache ol' Warin' had. But then, she never axed me 'bout dat... As OMINOUS MUSIC SWELLS, we -- FADE OUT: FADE IN: INT. CHIEF'S OFFICE He slams down a typescript. CHIEF I can't print this! AMY Why not, it's all true! The board is using this poor guy! They're depressing the stock so they can buy it cheap! CHIEF It's pure speculation! Why, they'd have my butt in a satchel! SMITTY (chuckling) Ol' satchel-butt... AMY I know they're gonna buy that stock -- CHIEF You don't know anything! Fact is they haven't bought it! The stock is cheap, Archer! What're they waiting for? AMY I don't know... SMITTY Amy's hunches are usually pretty good, Chief. CHIEF You don't accuse someone of stock manipulation on a hunch, Ignatz! The readers of the Manhattan Argus aren't interested in sensationalism, gossip and unsupported speculation. Facts, figures -- those are the tools of the newspaper trade! Why it's almost as if you're trying to take the heat off this Barnes numbskull -- like you've gone all soft on him! SMITTY Come on, Chief, that's a low blow. Archer's not gonna go goey for a corn-fed idiot. CHIEF All right, I was out of line. But you're out of line with this stock swindle story. Gimme some more of that Moron-from-Sheboygan stuff -- AMY Muncie. CHIEF Whatever. That's what sells newspapers. AMY I've got an even hotter story -- The Sap from the City Desk. CHIEF Watch it, Archer -- AMY It's about a dimwitted editor who -- SMITTY Easy, Amy... He gives her a companionable goose. SMITTY ...Let's grab a highball and calm down. She whirls and slaps him. AMY Back off -- smoocher! Smitty rubs his cheek, staring as she storms off. SMITTY (angry) Say, what gives? ENGRAVED INVITATION IT READS: Sidney J. Mussburger President Norville Barnes and The Board of Hudsucker Industries CORDIALLY INVITE YOU TO The Annual Fancy-Dress Hudsucker Christmas Gala Music, Dancing, Refreshments (Dainties) Formal Evening Attire de Rigeuer. The MUSIC OVER the invitation -- "WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS" -- SEGUES INTO the dance music of the Hudsucker Chamber Orchestra. DANCING COUPLES FILL the SCREEN; we GLIDE AMONG them and FINALLY COME to follow one couple: Norville and MRS. MUSSBURGER, a large middle-aged woman of the Margaret Dumont-mold in an elaborately flowered and old-fashioned evening gown, low-cut in spite of her overly-heavy figure. She wears a large flowered hat with a rolled-up veil. MRS. MUSSBURGER -- So we'd gone out to the Hamptons and the garden was in positive ruins! NORVILLE That must have been quite a disappointment, Mrs. Mussburger. MRS. MUSSBURGER Disappointment? J'etais destroyee! I was in bed for a week! Positively sick with fury! I called in the gardener and said, 'Monsieur Gonzalez, either those azaleas come up next spring or you are terminee! She throws her head back and roars with laughter. ANGLE - THEIR FEET As the large woman leans back to laugh, her feet stay planted on the ground and Norville's rise to be dragged with his toes scraping the floor through the continuing dance. MRS. MUSSBURGER I'm brushing up on my French with the most charming man, Pierre of Fifth Avenue. Do you know him? NORVILLE I haven't had -- MRS. MUSSBURGER Sidney and I are planning a trip to Paris and points continental -- Aren't we, dear? Mussburger has ENTERED FRAME. MUSSBURGER Sure, sure. I'm going to borrow Norville for a while, if you don't mind, dear. MIXING DOWN as they leave her: MRS. MUSSBURGER Well, frankly, I... NORVILLE You have a charming wife, Mr. Muss -- uh, Sid. MUSSBURGER So they tell me. Norville, let me shepherd you through some of the introductions here. Try not to talk too much; some of our biggest stockholders are, uh -- scratch that: Say whatever you want. ENTRYWAY As Amy enters in a simple yet stunning evening gown. She looks around the room, then starts across the crowded floor towards the punch bowl. NORVILLE As Mussburger introduces him to a tall, imposing BUSINESSMAN in a tuxedo and a ten-gallon hat. MUSSBURGER Norville Barnes, allow me to introduce Mr. Zebulon Cardozo, one of Hudsucker Industries largest and most loyal stockholders. Ignoring Norville's proffered hand: CARDOZO (BUSINESSMAN) Dammit boy, what's this I hear about you bein' an embecile? What the hell is ailin' ya?! A week ago my stock was worth twice what it is now! I'm considering dumping the whole shootin' match, unless I see some vast improvement! Dammit, boy, It's a range war! Either you pull our wagons into a circle or I'm pullin' out of the wagon train! Norville gives him a forced but hearty laugh of reassurance. NORVILLE No need for concern, sir; it's only natural in a period of transition for the more timid element to run for cover -- CARDOZO So I'm yella, am I?!! He starts peeling off his tuxedo jacket: CARDOZO ...We'll see who's yella!! His WIFE, a small wiry woman, steps in as Mussburger starts dragging Norville away. MRS. CARDOZO Zebulon, you mind now and quit bein' sech an ole grizzly. As he reluctantly starts shrugging back into the jacket: CARDOZO Aww, I wasn't gonna hurt the boy, Lorelei... MUSSBURGER AND NORVILLE As they make their way through the room Norville is mopping at his brow with a handkerchief. NORVILLE I'm sorry, Sid, I thought maybe if I showed him the long view we might -- Thump! Dabbing at his brow, Norville has walked square into the back of a debonaire man

whiskey

How many times the word 'whiskey' appears in the text?

(O.S.) He don't look wise. As Norville turns to leave: VETERAN #2 (O.S.) How does she pull this out? She puts the back of her hand dramatically to her forehead. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) (disbelieving) She isn't! VETERAN #2 (O.S.) (thrilled) She is! And indeed she does: Faint dead away, falling backwards on the stool, so that Norville has no choice but to catch her. Norville holds her awkwardly, looking around for help. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) She's good, Bennie. VETERAN #2 (O.S.) She's damn good, Lou. A WAITRESS enters extreme f.g. to BLOCK OUR VIEW of the swooned woman and the embarrassed Norville. The Waitress is FACING the CAMERA and the two O.S. Veterans; the CROPPING gives us only her torso and the steaming pot of coffee she holds. WAITRESS (bored, nasal voice) Can I get you boys anything else? REVERSE ANGLE Back of the Waitress's torso in f.g.; on either side beyond her, the two Veterans are looking up at her O.S. face. They sport extremely bored expressions, topped by "cabbie" caps. VETERAN #1 Bromo. Beat. VETERAN #2 ...Bromo. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE Looking at its frosted-glass door; the sign painter is just finishing lettering in: NORVILLE BARNES, President. The sign painter makes way as we see Norville's shadow approaching; even from inside the room we can hear that he is WHEEZING HEAVILY. He is apparently carrying the girl, cradled in his arms. He tries to reach down to get the doorknob; can't manage it; turns to press his back against the door and get the knob with his other hand. The door opens as Norville swings around to enter. He is wheezing like a gas pipe about to explode. He swings around to kick the door shut. We see that the lettering on the door is now terribly smudged; we also see, in wet ink, on the seat of Norville's pants: senraB ellivroN tnediserP. Weakly, still cradled in Norville's arms: AMY I'm sorry we had to take the stairs. It was just that horrible little elevator boy... NORVILLE Not at all. You're light as a feather. AMY (pointing languorously) The couch, please. Still wheezing horribly, Norville staggers over to the couch and deposits her gently on it. He straightens up and looks at her. NORVILLE'S POV She is smiling wanly AT the CAMERA. The entire IMAGE PULSATES as the blood pounds behind Norville's eyeballs. We hear the LOUD, RASPING of his BREATH, resonating inside his head. Amy is talking but her voice is barely audible, as if coming from a long way away. BACK TO SCENE NORVILLE Just a minute. He perches drunkenly on the edge of the couch and puts his head between his knees, still fighting for breath. AMY I don't know what came over me. I suppose it was the shock of eating after so long without; the enzymes kicking in after so long, or whatever. But then you couldn't possibly know what it is to be tired and hungry... Speaking into his knees as he wheezes: NORVILLE Hungry, anyway. AMY I don't want to bore you with all the sordid details of my life; it's not a happy story... Norville rises and starts putting throw pillows behind her head. AMY ...Suffice it to say that I'm jobless -- though not for want of trying, that I'm friendless, with no one to -- thank you -- take care of me; and that had you not come along at just exactly the moment that you did -- She screams, staring down at the couch. Norville jumps, startled, then looks where she is looking. On the white sofa cushion where he had been sitting is printed, in wet ink, right side around: NORVILLE BARNES, President. AMY Norville, I didn't know you were president here! Norville stares dumbfounded at the sofa cushion. When the nickel finally drops, he spins around to try to look at the seat of his pants. Distracted but still modest: NORVILLE Oh, it's nothing really. Just determination and hard work... He unbuckles his trousers. NORVILLE ...Of course, when I started in the mailroom last Tuesday I thought it might take more time -- Buzz enters holding a brown paper bag. BUZZ Say, buddy, here's the whiskey you asked f -- He freezes, taking in the scene: Amy reclining on the couch; Norville standing in front of her with his pants around his ankles, still breathing heavily; the bottle of whiskey in his own hand. NORVILLE (flustered) Thank you, Buzz, just leave it on the desk. Leering: BUZZ Happy days, buddy... As he turns to leave: BUZZ ...and I'll tell your secretary you're not to be disturbed. Yowzuh!! He snaps the elastic strap under his chin. After the doors shut behind Buzz: AMY (shuddering) What a horrible little person. NORVILLE Oh, Buzz is pretty harmless, really -- AMY At any rate I arrived in town not ten days ago, full of dreams and aspirations, anxious to make my way in the world -- Norville pours a glass of whiskey and brings it over to her. AMY A little naive perhaps but -- thank you -- armed with determination, a solid work ethic, and an indomitable belief in the future -- NORVILLE I myself -- He crosses back to the desk. AMY Only to have that belief, that unsullied optimism, dashed against the marble and mortar of the modern work place -- Norville takes a cigarette from a large wood cigarette box on the desk and sticks it in his mouth. NORVILLE Cigarette? AMY No thank you. Seek and ye shall find, work and ye shall prosper -- these were the watch words of my education, the ethics of my tender years -- OVER NORVILLE'S SHOULDER He has been pushing the box towards her. The box tilts lazily forward and then disappears over the far lip of the desk. We hear the THUD of the BOX landing amid the pitter-patter of cigarettes raining onto the carpet. Amy's brow crinkles. Continuing: AMY -- these were the values that were instilled in me while I was growing up in a little town you've probably never heard of -- NORVILLE Mind if I join you? He is pouring himself a drink. AMY Be my guest. A little town you've probably -- He tosses back his drink, gags, looks at Amy with his eyes bulging. HIS POV Once again her IMAGE PULSATES. There is a ROARING SOUND and an AIRY STEAM WHISTLE as she silently moves her lips. NORVILLE He waves his arms and talks with a thick rasp as he staggers to his feet. NORVILLE Excuse me -- I -- executive washroom... He staggers out a side door. On his exit Amy leaps to her feet and scurries over to his desk. At the top of her voice: AMY Are you all right?... She throws open the top desk drawer. Inside two lonely lead pencils roll through the otherwise empty drawer. Amy expertly flips a cigarette into her mouth and strikes a match off the desktop. AMY ...Is it your lunch? The chicken a la king? From the washroom: NORVILLE (O.S.) No, I -- Amy throws open another drawer, empty except for an appointment book. As she hurriedly flips through page after blank page an arctic WIND WHISTLES emptiness. One page only has a notation: 11:45. Address Wilkie Grammar School Junior Achievers Club. AMY Is the a la king repeating on you? Amy shoves the appointment book back into the drawer. NORVILLE (O.S.) ...I'm fine, I... You were saying? She mutters: AMY Values... watchwords... uh, tender years... (aloud) -- A little town you've probably never heard of... She hastily stubs out her cigarette and waves her hand to disperse the smoke. AMY ...Muncie, Indiana. She scurries back across the room as we hear the FAUCET BEING TURNED OFF: she re-strikes her languid pose on the couch just as the washroom door opens. Norville gapes, one hand pressing a dripping rag to his forehead. NORVILLE You're from Muncie?! AMY Why yes, do you know it? Norville starts making pumping motions with his fists and loud syncopated grunting noises. Amy gapes at him. He starts singing, off-key: NORVILLE 'Fight on fight on dear old Muncie Fight on -- Hoist the gold and blue You'll be tattered, torn and hurtin' Once 'The Munce' is done with you!' Amy lamely fakes singing along, coming in louder on the last, obvious rhyme. Norville jumps an octave on it; she quickly follows sit, also pumping her fists. As Norville crosses his hands and locks thumbs in front of his nose to make bird wings of his extended fingers: NORVILLE ...Goooooooo Eagles! Amy awkwardly imitates. Norville excitedly sits behind his desk. NORVILLE ...A Muncie girl! Talk about the cat's pyjamas! Tell you what, Amy. I'm gonna cancel the rest of my appointments this afternoon and get you a job here at the Hud. AMY Oh, no, really, I -- NORVILLE Don't bother to thank me, it's the easiest thing in the world. Matter of fact, I know where a vacancy just came up. He hits the intercom. NORVILLE ...Mail room. To Amy: NORVILLE ...This'll only take a moment. INTERCOM (V.O.) Yeah? NORVILLE Good afternoon to ya, this is Norville Barnes -- INTERCOM (V.O.) Barnes! Where the hell have you been! And where's my voucher?! Norville thumps at his pockets. NORVILLE ...Well, I'm not sure where I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I need that voucher! I told you a week ago it was important! NORVILLE But look, I'm president of the company now and I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I don't care if you're president of the company! I need that voucher! Now! CLICK. The intercom goes dead. NORVILLE Oh, of all the foolish... Listen, do you take shorthand? Are you familiar with the mimeograph machine? AMY Of course -- I went to the Muncie, uh, Secretarial Polytechnic! Norville excitedly smacks a fist into a palm. NORVILLE -- A Muncie girl! Can you beat that! AMY Well, I just don't know how to thank you, Mr. Barnes -- NORVILLE Please! Norville! As he reaches to shake: NORVILLE ...It's my pleasure! She reaches for his hand but Norville snatches it away and, winking at her, hooks thumbs in front of his nose and makes wings of his fingers. NORVILLE ...Gooooooo Eagles! AMY likewise hooks her thumbs in front of her nose, makes wings, and, winking back: AMY Gooooooooo Eagles! But we PULL BACK to reveal that the girl is now in a newspaper office, demonstrating the fight sign to SMITTY, a reporter wearing a fedora with a bent-back brim. Smitty howls with laughter. SMITTY (wheezing) ...Once 'The Munce'... Holy... Amy sits down behind a typewriter and, as she starts typing at 80 words per minute: AMY And is this guy from chumpsville?! I pulled the old mother routine -- SMITTY Adenoids? AMY Lumbago. Behind her an ancient man wearing an inksman's visor and sleeve garters toils over a large checkerboarded surface over which he shuffles letter blocks and black spaces. Smitty gives a low whistle. SMITTY That gag's got whiskers on it! The PHONE RINGS and Smitty reaches for it. AMY I'm telling you, Smitty, the board of Hudsucker is up to something -- SMITTY (into phone) Yeah. ANCIENT PUZZLER Say, Amy, what's a six-letter word for an affliction of the hypothalmus? Without a break in her typing: AMY -- And it's a cinch -- Goiter -- it's a cinch this guy isn't in on it. How much time to make the Late Final? Smitty holds the phone away from his ear. SMITTY Chief. Still typing, Amy whistles and nods to her shoulder. Smitty tucks the phone into it as she continues typing. AMY Hiya, Chief, just the person I wanted to apologize to... Smitty is looking at his watch. SMITTY About seven minutes. AMY (still typing) Yeah, I was all wet about your idea man... Well, thanks for being so generous... It is human, and you are divine... No, he's no faker. He's the 100% real McCoy beware-of- imitations genuine article: the guy is a real moron -- To the Ancient Puzzler: AMY -- as in a five-letter word for imbecile -- Back into phone: AMY -- as pure a specimen as I've ever run across... Am I sure he's a nitwit? Heck, if working at the Argus doesn't make me an expert then my name isn't Amy Archer and I've never won the Pulitzer Prize... Her eyes narrow. AMY ...In 1957... My series on the reunited triplets -- come on down here, hammerhead, and I'll show it to ya... ANCIENT PUZZLER Amy, what's a three-letter word for a flightless bird? AMY Not now, Morris, I'm busy -- That's right, I said hammerhead, as in a ten-letter word for a smug bullying self-important newspaperman -- To Morris: AMY -- Gnu -- Into phone: AMY -- who couldn't find -- To Morris: AMY -- That's G-N-U -- Into phone: AMY -- couldn't find the Empire State Building with a compass, a road map and a native guide. To Morris: AMY -- or emu. She slams down the phone. To Smitty: AMY ...And that's just the potatoes, Smitty, here comes the gravy: The chump really likes me. A Muncie girl! Smitty bursts out laughing. SMITTY Better off falling for a rattlesnake. As she continues to type: AMY I'm tellin' ya, this guy's just the patsy and I'm gonna find out what for. There's a real story, Smitty, some kind of plot, a setup, a cabal, a -- oh, and say, did I tell ya?! SMITTY He didn't offer you money. AMY A sawbuck! SMITTY Ten dollars? Let's grab a highball! AMY On Norville Barnes! She rips the page out of the typewriter, swivels in her chair to FACE CAMERA as we TRACK IN CLOSE and she hollers: AMY ...Copy! DISSOLVE THROUGH TO: PRESSES rolling, churning out great quantities of newsprint. Papers piling up one on top of the other, very many, very quickly. DELIVERY MAN throwing a baled stack of papers off the back of his truck. BALED PAPER rolling into the f.g. A hand ENTERS FRAME to snip its wires and wipe off the top paper. PAPER BOY wearing an apron and a little paper boy cap, mouthing "Extra! Extra!" as he holds one of the papers aloft. PAN UP his arm TO the newspaper and, BEYOND it, the towering Hudsucker Building. All of the above -- DISSOLVING WITH: NEWSPAPER spinning TOWARDS the CAMERA and STOPPING FULL FRAME. Its headline, over a picture of Norville smiling, is "IMBECILE HEADS HUDSUCKER." The subheadline: "Not a Brain in his Head." ANOTHER ANGLE - NEWSPAPER is angrily slammed down to reveal that Norville has been reading the inside. His face twisting with fury, he leans forward and hits the intercom. NORVILLE Miss Smith, can you come in please to take a letter... Muttering to himself: NORVILLE ...of all the cockamamie... Amy is bustling in holding a steno pad and a pencil. As she seats herself in front of his desk, he rises to pace behind it. NORVILLE ...Did you happen to see the front page of today's Manhattan Argus? AMY Well, I... didn't bother to read the article. I didn't think the picture did you justice. NORVILLE The picture was fine! It's what that knuckle-headed dame wrote underneath! Of all the irresponsible... Amy, take this down: Dear Miss Archer. I call you 'Miss' because you seem to have 'missed' the boat completely on this one! How on earth would you know whether I'm an imbecile when you don't even have the guts to come in here and interview me man to man! No, change 'guts' to 'courage.' No, make it 'common decency.' These wild speculations about my intelligence -- AMY -- or lack thereof? NORVILLE (nodding) -- these preposterous inventions, would be better suited to the pages of Amazing Tales Magazine. If the editors of the Manhattan Argus see fit to publish the rantings of a disordered mind, perhaps they will see fit to publish this letter! But I doubt it. I most seriously doubt it. As I doubt also that you could find a home at Amazing Tales, a periodical which I have enjoyed for many years. Yours sincerely, et cetera. He drifts into thought. AMY Is that all, Mr. Barnes? NORVILLE ...Well, you know me, Amy, at least better than that that dame does. Do you think I'm an imbecile? AMY I'm sure I -- NORVILLE Go on, tell the truth; I trust you and I put a lot of stock in your opinion. AMY Well, I -- NORVILLE Oh sure, you're biased -- you're a fellow Muncian. But would an imbecile come up with this? He whips the cover sheet off a display pad resting on an easel to reveal a large piece of graph paper with a circle rendered onto it. Amy looks, puzzled, from the circle to Norville's proudly beaming face. NORVILLE ...I designed it myself and this is just the sweet baby that can put Hudsucker right back on top. Amy is bewildered. Norville explains: NORVILLE ...You know! For kids! AMY ...Why don't I just type this up... NORVILLE Aww, naw, Amy, that won't be necessary. I shouldn't send it; she's just doing her job, I guess. AMY Well, I don't know; maybe she does deserve it. Maybe she should've come in to face you man to man. NORVILLE Well, she probably had a deadline... AMY Sure, but -- she could still have gotten your side for the record! NORVILLE Well, it's done now -- what's the use of grousing about it. Forget the letter, Amy, I just had to blow off some steam... She gets up to leave, and is heading for the door when Norville adds: NORVILLE ...She's probably just a little confused. Amy turns at the door. AMY Confused? NORVILLE Yeah, you know, probably one of these fast-talking career gals, thinks she's one of the boys. Probably is one of the boys, if you know what I mean. AMY (through clenched teeth) I'm quite sure I don't know what you mean. NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Suffers from one of these complexes they have nowadays. Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it? She's probably very unattractive and bitter about it. AMY Oh, is that it! NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Probably dresses in men's clothing, swaps drinks with the guys at the local watering hole, and hobnobs with some smooth talking heel in the newsroom named Biff or Smoocher or... AMY Smitty. NORVILLE Exactly. And I bet she's ugly. Real ugly. Otherwise, why wouldn't they print her picture next to her byline? AMY Maybe she puts her work ahead of her personal appearance. NORVILLE I bet that's exactly what she tells herself! But you and I both know she's just a dried-up bitter old maid. Say, how about you and I grab a little dinner and a show after work? I was thinking maybe The King and I -- Whap! Amy slaps him. He stares. NORVILLE ...How about Oklahoma? As she stalks out of the office: AMY Norville Barnes, you don't know a thing about that woman! You don't know who she really is! And only a numbskull thinks he knows things about things he knows nothing about! He stares, rubbing his cheek. NORVILLE Say, what gives? WHISTLE SHRIEKING. SWISH PAN TO: CLOCK Reading five o'clock. SWISH PAN TO: WORKERS Rising from their desks, collecting personal effects, putting on their hats and coats. TIME CLOCK Busy hands punch out. INT. EMPTY HALLWAY Of the executive floor. A security man walks down the hall, whistling, swinging a ring of keys. After he passes the door to the ladies' room it opens, Amy peeks out, emerges, goes into Norville's office. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE She goes to the desk, takes out the appointment book, flips through it. BOOK Still empty except for the one date with the Wilkie Grammer School Junior Achievers Club, which now has a red line drawn across it with the notation CANCELED. AMY looks around the office -- notices something. DOOR Set into the wall to one side it is topped by a small plaque: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. Amy tries the knob, which turns, and enters. INT. ROOM It is big and dim, several stories high, with spiral staircases reaching into, and catwalks criss-crossing, the gloom above. It is filled with contraptions -- works, cogs, gears. There is no window, but on what would be the window wall there is an enormous iron ring with a metal rod sweeping an interior circle. It is the backside of the great Hudsucker clock. Amy gazes about. She crosses to a door opposite the one she entered from. She stoops to peek through its keyhole. HER POV We are LOOKING INTO Sidney J. Mussburger's office. Mussburger sits at his desk barking into a Dictaphone. CLICK-CLICK-CLICK -- the PERPETUAL MOTION BALLS on his desk are going full-tilt; THRUMMMMMMM -- the CLOCK'S exterior second hand sweeps a shadow across the office. Mussburger, it seems, never sleeps. MUSSBURGER Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A49. To: Director of the Jacksonville Facility. Copies to: Legal Affairs, Business Affairs, Central Files. Re: Movement of Raw Materials from the Huron Facility. Due to unfavorable news in the slag markets, Jacksonville inventory must be reduced by 15 percent with overflow diverted to the Waukegan Stamping Facility. Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A50. To: Director of -- BACK TO SCENE VOICE (O.S.) Watchoo doin' down they, Miss Archuh? AMY Huh?! She straightens and turns. Facing her is a very old BLACK MAN in a janitor's jumpsuit with HUDSUCKER INDUSTRIES/The Future Is Now emblazoned across it. We might recognize his voice as that of the narrator who opened the movie. AMY Who are you? How did you know who I am? MOSES (BLACK MAN) Ah guess ole Moses knows jes about ever'thing, leastways if it concerns Hudsuckuh. AMY But -- who are you -- what d'you do here? MOSES Ah keeps the ol' circle turning -- this ol' clock needs plenty o' care. Time is money, Miss Archuh, and money -- it drives that ol' global economy and keeps big Daddy Earth a-spinnin' on 'roun'. Ya see, without that capital fo'mation -- AMY Yeah, yeah. Say, you won't tell anyone about me, will you? MOSES I don't tell no one nothin' lessen they ask. Thatches ain't ole Moses' way. AMY So if you know everything about Hudsucker, tell me why the Board decided to make Norville Barnes president. MOSES Well, that even surprised ole Moses at fust. I didn't think the Board was that smart. AMY That smart?! MOSES But then I figured it out: they did it 'cause they figured young Norville for an imbecile. Like some othuh people ah know. AMY Why on earth would they want a nitwit to be president? MOSES 'Cause they's little pigglies! They's tryin' to inspire panic, make that stock git cheap so's they can snitch it all up fo' themselves! But Norville, he's got some tricks up his sleeve, he does... He draws a circle with his finger in the air. MOSES ...you know, fo' kids? Yeah, he's a smart one, that Norville, heh-heh, he's a caution. Wal, some folks is square, an' some is hip -- To punctuate, he gives a little jerk of his hips. MOSES ...But I guess you don't really know him any better than that board does, do ya, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, maybe I -- MOSES An' only some kind a knucklehead thinks she knows things 'bout things she, uh -- when she don't, uh -- How'd that go? AMY (bristling) It's hardly the same -- MOSES Why you don't even know y'own self -- you ain't exactly the genuine article are you, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, in connection with my job, sometimes I have to go undercover as it were -- MOSES I don't mean that! Why you pretendin' to be such a hard ol' sourpuss! Ain't never gonna make you happy! Never made Warin' happy. AMY (uncomfortably) I'm happy enough. MOSES (chuckles) Okay, Miss Archuh. (turns and walks away) ...I got gears to see to. AMY (calls after him) I'm plenty happy! She is answered only by WHIRRING MACHINERY. MOSES Elsewhere in the great room, he is hunkered down next to a catchment which he buffs with a greasy rag. Amy's VOICE ECHOES UP: AMY (O.S.) ...Hello? MOSES (muttering to himself) Them po' young folks. Looks like Norville's in fo' the same kind o' heartache ol' Warin' had. But then, she never axed me 'bout dat... As OMINOUS MUSIC SWELLS, we -- FADE OUT: FADE IN: INT. CHIEF'S OFFICE He slams down a typescript. CHIEF I can't print this! AMY Why not, it's all true! The board is using this poor guy! They're depressing the stock so they can buy it cheap! CHIEF It's pure speculation! Why, they'd have my butt in a satchel! SMITTY (chuckling) Ol' satchel-butt... AMY I know they're gonna buy that stock -- CHIEF You don't know anything! Fact is they haven't bought it! The stock is cheap, Archer! What're they waiting for? AMY I don't know... SMITTY Amy's hunches are usually pretty good, Chief. CHIEF You don't accuse someone of stock manipulation on a hunch, Ignatz! The readers of the Manhattan Argus aren't interested in sensationalism, gossip and unsupported speculation. Facts, figures -- those are the tools of the newspaper trade! Why it's almost as if you're trying to take the heat off this Barnes numbskull -- like you've gone all soft on him! SMITTY Come on, Chief, that's a low blow. Archer's not gonna go goey for a corn-fed idiot. CHIEF All right, I was out of line. But you're out of line with this stock swindle story. Gimme some more of that Moron-from-Sheboygan stuff -- AMY Muncie. CHIEF Whatever. That's what sells newspapers. AMY I've got an even hotter story -- The Sap from the City Desk. CHIEF Watch it, Archer -- AMY It's about a dimwitted editor who -- SMITTY Easy, Amy... He gives her a companionable goose. SMITTY ...Let's grab a highball and calm down. She whirls and slaps him. AMY Back off -- smoocher! Smitty rubs his cheek, staring as she storms off. SMITTY (angry) Say, what gives? ENGRAVED INVITATION IT READS: Sidney J. Mussburger President Norville Barnes and The Board of Hudsucker Industries CORDIALLY INVITE YOU TO The Annual Fancy-Dress Hudsucker Christmas Gala Music, Dancing, Refreshments (Dainties) Formal Evening Attire de Rigeuer. The MUSIC OVER the invitation -- "WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS" -- SEGUES INTO the dance music of the Hudsucker Chamber Orchestra. DANCING COUPLES FILL the SCREEN; we GLIDE AMONG them and FINALLY COME to follow one couple: Norville and MRS. MUSSBURGER, a large middle-aged woman of the Margaret Dumont-mold in an elaborately flowered and old-fashioned evening gown, low-cut in spite of her overly-heavy figure. She wears a large flowered hat with a rolled-up veil. MRS. MUSSBURGER -- So we'd gone out to the Hamptons and the garden was in positive ruins! NORVILLE That must have been quite a disappointment, Mrs. Mussburger. MRS. MUSSBURGER Disappointment? J'etais destroyee! I was in bed for a week! Positively sick with fury! I called in the gardener and said, 'Monsieur Gonzalez, either those azaleas come up next spring or you are terminee! She throws her head back and roars with laughter. ANGLE - THEIR FEET As the large woman leans back to laugh, her feet stay planted on the ground and Norville's rise to be dragged with his toes scraping the floor through the continuing dance. MRS. MUSSBURGER I'm brushing up on my French with the most charming man, Pierre of Fifth Avenue. Do you know him? NORVILLE I haven't had -- MRS. MUSSBURGER Sidney and I are planning a trip to Paris and points continental -- Aren't we, dear? Mussburger has ENTERED FRAME. MUSSBURGER Sure, sure. I'm going to borrow Norville for a while, if you don't mind, dear. MIXING DOWN as they leave her: MRS. MUSSBURGER Well, frankly, I... NORVILLE You have a charming wife, Mr. Muss -- uh, Sid. MUSSBURGER So they tell me. Norville, let me shepherd you through some of the introductions here. Try not to talk too much; some of our biggest stockholders are, uh -- scratch that: Say whatever you want. ENTRYWAY As Amy enters in a simple yet stunning evening gown. She looks around the room, then starts across the crowded floor towards the punch bowl. NORVILLE As Mussburger introduces him to a tall, imposing BUSINESSMAN in a tuxedo and a ten-gallon hat. MUSSBURGER Norville Barnes, allow me to introduce Mr. Zebulon Cardozo, one of Hudsucker Industries largest and most loyal stockholders. Ignoring Norville's proffered hand: CARDOZO (BUSINESSMAN) Dammit boy, what's this I hear about you bein' an embecile? What the hell is ailin' ya?! A week ago my stock was worth twice what it is now! I'm considering dumping the whole shootin' match, unless I see some vast improvement! Dammit, boy, It's a range war! Either you pull our wagons into a circle or I'm pullin' out of the wagon train! Norville gives him a forced but hearty laugh of reassurance. NORVILLE No need for concern, sir; it's only natural in a period of transition for the more timid element to run for cover -- CARDOZO So I'm yella, am I?!! He starts peeling off his tuxedo jacket: CARDOZO ...We'll see who's yella!! His WIFE, a small wiry woman, steps in as Mussburger starts dragging Norville away. MRS. CARDOZO Zebulon, you mind now and quit bein' sech an ole grizzly. As he reluctantly starts shrugging back into the jacket: CARDOZO Aww, I wasn't gonna hurt the boy, Lorelei... MUSSBURGER AND NORVILLE As they make their way through the room Norville is mopping at his brow with a handkerchief. NORVILLE I'm sorry, Sid, I thought maybe if I showed him the long view we might -- Thump! Dabbing at his brow, Norville has walked square into the back of a debonaire man

desk

How many times the word 'desk' appears in the text?

(O.S.) He don't look wise. As Norville turns to leave: VETERAN #2 (O.S.) How does she pull this out? She puts the back of her hand dramatically to her forehead. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) (disbelieving) She isn't! VETERAN #2 (O.S.) (thrilled) She is! And indeed she does: Faint dead away, falling backwards on the stool, so that Norville has no choice but to catch her. Norville holds her awkwardly, looking around for help. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) She's good, Bennie. VETERAN #2 (O.S.) She's damn good, Lou. A WAITRESS enters extreme f.g. to BLOCK OUR VIEW of the swooned woman and the embarrassed Norville. The Waitress is FACING the CAMERA and the two O.S. Veterans; the CROPPING gives us only her torso and the steaming pot of coffee she holds. WAITRESS (bored, nasal voice) Can I get you boys anything else? REVERSE ANGLE Back of the Waitress's torso in f.g.; on either side beyond her, the two Veterans are looking up at her O.S. face. They sport extremely bored expressions, topped by "cabbie" caps. VETERAN #1 Bromo. Beat. VETERAN #2 ...Bromo. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE Looking at its frosted-glass door; the sign painter is just finishing lettering in: NORVILLE BARNES, President. The sign painter makes way as we see Norville's shadow approaching; even from inside the room we can hear that he is WHEEZING HEAVILY. He is apparently carrying the girl, cradled in his arms. He tries to reach down to get the doorknob; can't manage it; turns to press his back against the door and get the knob with his other hand. The door opens as Norville swings around to enter. He is wheezing like a gas pipe about to explode. He swings around to kick the door shut. We see that the lettering on the door is now terribly smudged; we also see, in wet ink, on the seat of Norville's pants: senraB ellivroN tnediserP. Weakly, still cradled in Norville's arms: AMY I'm sorry we had to take the stairs. It was just that horrible little elevator boy... NORVILLE Not at all. You're light as a feather. AMY (pointing languorously) The couch, please. Still wheezing horribly, Norville staggers over to the couch and deposits her gently on it. He straightens up and looks at her. NORVILLE'S POV She is smiling wanly AT the CAMERA. The entire IMAGE PULSATES as the blood pounds behind Norville's eyeballs. We hear the LOUD, RASPING of his BREATH, resonating inside his head. Amy is talking but her voice is barely audible, as if coming from a long way away. BACK TO SCENE NORVILLE Just a minute. He perches drunkenly on the edge of the couch and puts his head between his knees, still fighting for breath. AMY I don't know what came over me. I suppose it was the shock of eating after so long without; the enzymes kicking in after so long, or whatever. But then you couldn't possibly know what it is to be tired and hungry... Speaking into his knees as he wheezes: NORVILLE Hungry, anyway. AMY I don't want to bore you with all the sordid details of my life; it's not a happy story... Norville rises and starts putting throw pillows behind her head. AMY ...Suffice it to say that I'm jobless -- though not for want of trying, that I'm friendless, with no one to -- thank you -- take care of me; and that had you not come along at just exactly the moment that you did -- She screams, staring down at the couch. Norville jumps, startled, then looks where she is looking. On the white sofa cushion where he had been sitting is printed, in wet ink, right side around: NORVILLE BARNES, President. AMY Norville, I didn't know you were president here! Norville stares dumbfounded at the sofa cushion. When the nickel finally drops, he spins around to try to look at the seat of his pants. Distracted but still modest: NORVILLE Oh, it's nothing really. Just determination and hard work... He unbuckles his trousers. NORVILLE ...Of course, when I started in the mailroom last Tuesday I thought it might take more time -- Buzz enters holding a brown paper bag. BUZZ Say, buddy, here's the whiskey you asked f -- He freezes, taking in the scene: Amy reclining on the couch; Norville standing in front of her with his pants around his ankles, still breathing heavily; the bottle of whiskey in his own hand. NORVILLE (flustered) Thank you, Buzz, just leave it on the desk. Leering: BUZZ Happy days, buddy... As he turns to leave: BUZZ ...and I'll tell your secretary you're not to be disturbed. Yowzuh!! He snaps the elastic strap under his chin. After the doors shut behind Buzz: AMY (shuddering) What a horrible little person. NORVILLE Oh, Buzz is pretty harmless, really -- AMY At any rate I arrived in town not ten days ago, full of dreams and aspirations, anxious to make my way in the world -- Norville pours a glass of whiskey and brings it over to her. AMY A little naive perhaps but -- thank you -- armed with determination, a solid work ethic, and an indomitable belief in the future -- NORVILLE I myself -- He crosses back to the desk. AMY Only to have that belief, that unsullied optimism, dashed against the marble and mortar of the modern work place -- Norville takes a cigarette from a large wood cigarette box on the desk and sticks it in his mouth. NORVILLE Cigarette? AMY No thank you. Seek and ye shall find, work and ye shall prosper -- these were the watch words of my education, the ethics of my tender years -- OVER NORVILLE'S SHOULDER He has been pushing the box towards her. The box tilts lazily forward and then disappears over the far lip of the desk. We hear the THUD of the BOX landing amid the pitter-patter of cigarettes raining onto the carpet. Amy's brow crinkles. Continuing: AMY -- these were the values that were instilled in me while I was growing up in a little town you've probably never heard of -- NORVILLE Mind if I join you? He is pouring himself a drink. AMY Be my guest. A little town you've probably -- He tosses back his drink, gags, looks at Amy with his eyes bulging. HIS POV Once again her IMAGE PULSATES. There is a ROARING SOUND and an AIRY STEAM WHISTLE as she silently moves her lips. NORVILLE He waves his arms and talks with a thick rasp as he staggers to his feet. NORVILLE Excuse me -- I -- executive washroom... He staggers out a side door. On his exit Amy leaps to her feet and scurries over to his desk. At the top of her voice: AMY Are you all right?... She throws open the top desk drawer. Inside two lonely lead pencils roll through the otherwise empty drawer. Amy expertly flips a cigarette into her mouth and strikes a match off the desktop. AMY ...Is it your lunch? The chicken a la king? From the washroom: NORVILLE (O.S.) No, I -- Amy throws open another drawer, empty except for an appointment book. As she hurriedly flips through page after blank page an arctic WIND WHISTLES emptiness. One page only has a notation: 11:45. Address Wilkie Grammar School Junior Achievers Club. AMY Is the a la king repeating on you? Amy shoves the appointment book back into the drawer. NORVILLE (O.S.) ...I'm fine, I... You were saying? She mutters: AMY Values... watchwords... uh, tender years... (aloud) -- A little town you've probably never heard of... She hastily stubs out her cigarette and waves her hand to disperse the smoke. AMY ...Muncie, Indiana. She scurries back across the room as we hear the FAUCET BEING TURNED OFF: she re-strikes her languid pose on the couch just as the washroom door opens. Norville gapes, one hand pressing a dripping rag to his forehead. NORVILLE You're from Muncie?! AMY Why yes, do you know it? Norville starts making pumping motions with his fists and loud syncopated grunting noises. Amy gapes at him. He starts singing, off-key: NORVILLE 'Fight on fight on dear old Muncie Fight on -- Hoist the gold and blue You'll be tattered, torn and hurtin' Once 'The Munce' is done with you!' Amy lamely fakes singing along, coming in louder on the last, obvious rhyme. Norville jumps an octave on it; she quickly follows sit, also pumping her fists. As Norville crosses his hands and locks thumbs in front of his nose to make bird wings of his extended fingers: NORVILLE ...Goooooooo Eagles! Amy awkwardly imitates. Norville excitedly sits behind his desk. NORVILLE ...A Muncie girl! Talk about the cat's pyjamas! Tell you what, Amy. I'm gonna cancel the rest of my appointments this afternoon and get you a job here at the Hud. AMY Oh, no, really, I -- NORVILLE Don't bother to thank me, it's the easiest thing in the world. Matter of fact, I know where a vacancy just came up. He hits the intercom. NORVILLE ...Mail room. To Amy: NORVILLE ...This'll only take a moment. INTERCOM (V.O.) Yeah? NORVILLE Good afternoon to ya, this is Norville Barnes -- INTERCOM (V.O.) Barnes! Where the hell have you been! And where's my voucher?! Norville thumps at his pockets. NORVILLE ...Well, I'm not sure where I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I need that voucher! I told you a week ago it was important! NORVILLE But look, I'm president of the company now and I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I don't care if you're president of the company! I need that voucher! Now! CLICK. The intercom goes dead. NORVILLE Oh, of all the foolish... Listen, do you take shorthand? Are you familiar with the mimeograph machine? AMY Of course -- I went to the Muncie, uh, Secretarial Polytechnic! Norville excitedly smacks a fist into a palm. NORVILLE -- A Muncie girl! Can you beat that! AMY Well, I just don't know how to thank you, Mr. Barnes -- NORVILLE Please! Norville! As he reaches to shake: NORVILLE ...It's my pleasure! She reaches for his hand but Norville snatches it away and, winking at her, hooks thumbs in front of his nose and makes wings of his fingers. NORVILLE ...Gooooooo Eagles! AMY likewise hooks her thumbs in front of her nose, makes wings, and, winking back: AMY Gooooooooo Eagles! But we PULL BACK to reveal that the girl is now in a newspaper office, demonstrating the fight sign to SMITTY, a reporter wearing a fedora with a bent-back brim. Smitty howls with laughter. SMITTY (wheezing) ...Once 'The Munce'... Holy... Amy sits down behind a typewriter and, as she starts typing at 80 words per minute: AMY And is this guy from chumpsville?! I pulled the old mother routine -- SMITTY Adenoids? AMY Lumbago. Behind her an ancient man wearing an inksman's visor and sleeve garters toils over a large checkerboarded surface over which he shuffles letter blocks and black spaces. Smitty gives a low whistle. SMITTY That gag's got whiskers on it! The PHONE RINGS and Smitty reaches for it. AMY I'm telling you, Smitty, the board of Hudsucker is up to something -- SMITTY (into phone) Yeah. ANCIENT PUZZLER Say, Amy, what's a six-letter word for an affliction of the hypothalmus? Without a break in her typing: AMY -- And it's a cinch -- Goiter -- it's a cinch this guy isn't in on it. How much time to make the Late Final? Smitty holds the phone away from his ear. SMITTY Chief. Still typing, Amy whistles and nods to her shoulder. Smitty tucks the phone into it as she continues typing. AMY Hiya, Chief, just the person I wanted to apologize to... Smitty is looking at his watch. SMITTY About seven minutes. AMY (still typing) Yeah, I was all wet about your idea man... Well, thanks for being so generous... It is human, and you are divine... No, he's no faker. He's the 100% real McCoy beware-of- imitations genuine article: the guy is a real moron -- To the Ancient Puzzler: AMY -- as in a five-letter word for imbecile -- Back into phone: AMY -- as pure a specimen as I've ever run across... Am I sure he's a nitwit? Heck, if working at the Argus doesn't make me an expert then my name isn't Amy Archer and I've never won the Pulitzer Prize... Her eyes narrow. AMY ...In 1957... My series on the reunited triplets -- come on down here, hammerhead, and I'll show it to ya... ANCIENT PUZZLER Amy, what's a three-letter word for a flightless bird? AMY Not now, Morris, I'm busy -- That's right, I said hammerhead, as in a ten-letter word for a smug bullying self-important newspaperman -- To Morris: AMY -- Gnu -- Into phone: AMY -- who couldn't find -- To Morris: AMY -- That's G-N-U -- Into phone: AMY -- couldn't find the Empire State Building with a compass, a road map and a native guide. To Morris: AMY -- or emu. She slams down the phone. To Smitty: AMY ...And that's just the potatoes, Smitty, here comes the gravy: The chump really likes me. A Muncie girl! Smitty bursts out laughing. SMITTY Better off falling for a rattlesnake. As she continues to type: AMY I'm tellin' ya, this guy's just the patsy and I'm gonna find out what for. There's a real story, Smitty, some kind of plot, a setup, a cabal, a -- oh, and say, did I tell ya?! SMITTY He didn't offer you money. AMY A sawbuck! SMITTY Ten dollars? Let's grab a highball! AMY On Norville Barnes! She rips the page out of the typewriter, swivels in her chair to FACE CAMERA as we TRACK IN CLOSE and she hollers: AMY ...Copy! DISSOLVE THROUGH TO: PRESSES rolling, churning out great quantities of newsprint. Papers piling up one on top of the other, very many, very quickly. DELIVERY MAN throwing a baled stack of papers off the back of his truck. BALED PAPER rolling into the f.g. A hand ENTERS FRAME to snip its wires and wipe off the top paper. PAPER BOY wearing an apron and a little paper boy cap, mouthing "Extra! Extra!" as he holds one of the papers aloft. PAN UP his arm TO the newspaper and, BEYOND it, the towering Hudsucker Building. All of the above -- DISSOLVING WITH: NEWSPAPER spinning TOWARDS the CAMERA and STOPPING FULL FRAME. Its headline, over a picture of Norville smiling, is "IMBECILE HEADS HUDSUCKER." The subheadline: "Not a Brain in his Head." ANOTHER ANGLE - NEWSPAPER is angrily slammed down to reveal that Norville has been reading the inside. His face twisting with fury, he leans forward and hits the intercom. NORVILLE Miss Smith, can you come in please to take a letter... Muttering to himself: NORVILLE ...of all the cockamamie... Amy is bustling in holding a steno pad and a pencil. As she seats herself in front of his desk, he rises to pace behind it. NORVILLE ...Did you happen to see the front page of today's Manhattan Argus? AMY Well, I... didn't bother to read the article. I didn't think the picture did you justice. NORVILLE The picture was fine! It's what that knuckle-headed dame wrote underneath! Of all the irresponsible... Amy, take this down: Dear Miss Archer. I call you 'Miss' because you seem to have 'missed' the boat completely on this one! How on earth would you know whether I'm an imbecile when you don't even have the guts to come in here and interview me man to man! No, change 'guts' to 'courage.' No, make it 'common decency.' These wild speculations about my intelligence -- AMY -- or lack thereof? NORVILLE (nodding) -- these preposterous inventions, would be better suited to the pages of Amazing Tales Magazine. If the editors of the Manhattan Argus see fit to publish the rantings of a disordered mind, perhaps they will see fit to publish this letter! But I doubt it. I most seriously doubt it. As I doubt also that you could find a home at Amazing Tales, a periodical which I have enjoyed for many years. Yours sincerely, et cetera. He drifts into thought. AMY Is that all, Mr. Barnes? NORVILLE ...Well, you know me, Amy, at least better than that that dame does. Do you think I'm an imbecile? AMY I'm sure I -- NORVILLE Go on, tell the truth; I trust you and I put a lot of stock in your opinion. AMY Well, I -- NORVILLE Oh sure, you're biased -- you're a fellow Muncian. But would an imbecile come up with this? He whips the cover sheet off a display pad resting on an easel to reveal a large piece of graph paper with a circle rendered onto it. Amy looks, puzzled, from the circle to Norville's proudly beaming face. NORVILLE ...I designed it myself and this is just the sweet baby that can put Hudsucker right back on top. Amy is bewildered. Norville explains: NORVILLE ...You know! For kids! AMY ...Why don't I just type this up... NORVILLE Aww, naw, Amy, that won't be necessary. I shouldn't send it; she's just doing her job, I guess. AMY Well, I don't know; maybe she does deserve it. Maybe she should've come in to face you man to man. NORVILLE Well, she probably had a deadline... AMY Sure, but -- she could still have gotten your side for the record! NORVILLE Well, it's done now -- what's the use of grousing about it. Forget the letter, Amy, I just had to blow off some steam... She gets up to leave, and is heading for the door when Norville adds: NORVILLE ...She's probably just a little confused. Amy turns at the door. AMY Confused? NORVILLE Yeah, you know, probably one of these fast-talking career gals, thinks she's one of the boys. Probably is one of the boys, if you know what I mean. AMY (through clenched teeth) I'm quite sure I don't know what you mean. NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Suffers from one of these complexes they have nowadays. Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it? She's probably very unattractive and bitter about it. AMY Oh, is that it! NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Probably dresses in men's clothing, swaps drinks with the guys at the local watering hole, and hobnobs with some smooth talking heel in the newsroom named Biff or Smoocher or... AMY Smitty. NORVILLE Exactly. And I bet she's ugly. Real ugly. Otherwise, why wouldn't they print her picture next to her byline? AMY Maybe she puts her work ahead of her personal appearance. NORVILLE I bet that's exactly what she tells herself! But you and I both know she's just a dried-up bitter old maid. Say, how about you and I grab a little dinner and a show after work? I was thinking maybe The King and I -- Whap! Amy slaps him. He stares. NORVILLE ...How about Oklahoma? As she stalks out of the office: AMY Norville Barnes, you don't know a thing about that woman! You don't know who she really is! And only a numbskull thinks he knows things about things he knows nothing about! He stares, rubbing his cheek. NORVILLE Say, what gives? WHISTLE SHRIEKING. SWISH PAN TO: CLOCK Reading five o'clock. SWISH PAN TO: WORKERS Rising from their desks, collecting personal effects, putting on their hats and coats. TIME CLOCK Busy hands punch out. INT. EMPTY HALLWAY Of the executive floor. A security man walks down the hall, whistling, swinging a ring of keys. After he passes the door to the ladies' room it opens, Amy peeks out, emerges, goes into Norville's office. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE She goes to the desk, takes out the appointment book, flips through it. BOOK Still empty except for the one date with the Wilkie Grammer School Junior Achievers Club, which now has a red line drawn across it with the notation CANCELED. AMY looks around the office -- notices something. DOOR Set into the wall to one side it is topped by a small plaque: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. Amy tries the knob, which turns, and enters. INT. ROOM It is big and dim, several stories high, with spiral staircases reaching into, and catwalks criss-crossing, the gloom above. It is filled with contraptions -- works, cogs, gears. There is no window, but on what would be the window wall there is an enormous iron ring with a metal rod sweeping an interior circle. It is the backside of the great Hudsucker clock. Amy gazes about. She crosses to a door opposite the one she entered from. She stoops to peek through its keyhole. HER POV We are LOOKING INTO Sidney J. Mussburger's office. Mussburger sits at his desk barking into a Dictaphone. CLICK-CLICK-CLICK -- the PERPETUAL MOTION BALLS on his desk are going full-tilt; THRUMMMMMMM -- the CLOCK'S exterior second hand sweeps a shadow across the office. Mussburger, it seems, never sleeps. MUSSBURGER Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A49. To: Director of the Jacksonville Facility. Copies to: Legal Affairs, Business Affairs, Central Files. Re: Movement of Raw Materials from the Huron Facility. Due to unfavorable news in the slag markets, Jacksonville inventory must be reduced by 15 percent with overflow diverted to the Waukegan Stamping Facility. Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A50. To: Director of -- BACK TO SCENE VOICE (O.S.) Watchoo doin' down they, Miss Archuh? AMY Huh?! She straightens and turns. Facing her is a very old BLACK MAN in a janitor's jumpsuit with HUDSUCKER INDUSTRIES/The Future Is Now emblazoned across it. We might recognize his voice as that of the narrator who opened the movie. AMY Who are you? How did you know who I am? MOSES (BLACK MAN) Ah guess ole Moses knows jes about ever'thing, leastways if it concerns Hudsuckuh. AMY But -- who are you -- what d'you do here? MOSES Ah keeps the ol' circle turning -- this ol' clock needs plenty o' care. Time is money, Miss Archuh, and money -- it drives that ol' global economy and keeps big Daddy Earth a-spinnin' on 'roun'. Ya see, without that capital fo'mation -- AMY Yeah, yeah. Say, you won't tell anyone about me, will you? MOSES I don't tell no one nothin' lessen they ask. Thatches ain't ole Moses' way. AMY So if you know everything about Hudsucker, tell me why the Board decided to make Norville Barnes president. MOSES Well, that even surprised ole Moses at fust. I didn't think the Board was that smart. AMY That smart?! MOSES But then I figured it out: they did it 'cause they figured young Norville for an imbecile. Like some othuh people ah know. AMY Why on earth would they want a nitwit to be president? MOSES 'Cause they's little pigglies! They's tryin' to inspire panic, make that stock git cheap so's they can snitch it all up fo' themselves! But Norville, he's got some tricks up his sleeve, he does... He draws a circle with his finger in the air. MOSES ...you know, fo' kids? Yeah, he's a smart one, that Norville, heh-heh, he's a caution. Wal, some folks is square, an' some is hip -- To punctuate, he gives a little jerk of his hips. MOSES ...But I guess you don't really know him any better than that board does, do ya, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, maybe I -- MOSES An' only some kind a knucklehead thinks she knows things 'bout things she, uh -- when she don't, uh -- How'd that go? AMY (bristling) It's hardly the same -- MOSES Why you don't even know y'own self -- you ain't exactly the genuine article are you, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, in connection with my job, sometimes I have to go undercover as it were -- MOSES I don't mean that! Why you pretendin' to be such a hard ol' sourpuss! Ain't never gonna make you happy! Never made Warin' happy. AMY (uncomfortably) I'm happy enough. MOSES (chuckles) Okay, Miss Archuh. (turns and walks away) ...I got gears to see to. AMY (calls after him) I'm plenty happy! She is answered only by WHIRRING MACHINERY. MOSES Elsewhere in the great room, he is hunkered down next to a catchment which he buffs with a greasy rag. Amy's VOICE ECHOES UP: AMY (O.S.) ...Hello? MOSES (muttering to himself) Them po' young folks. Looks like Norville's in fo' the same kind o' heartache ol' Warin' had. But then, she never axed me 'bout dat... As OMINOUS MUSIC SWELLS, we -- FADE OUT: FADE IN: INT. CHIEF'S OFFICE He slams down a typescript. CHIEF I can't print this! AMY Why not, it's all true! The board is using this poor guy! They're depressing the stock so they can buy it cheap! CHIEF It's pure speculation! Why, they'd have my butt in a satchel! SMITTY (chuckling) Ol' satchel-butt... AMY I know they're gonna buy that stock -- CHIEF You don't know anything! Fact is they haven't bought it! The stock is cheap, Archer! What're they waiting for? AMY I don't know... SMITTY Amy's hunches are usually pretty good, Chief. CHIEF You don't accuse someone of stock manipulation on a hunch, Ignatz! The readers of the Manhattan Argus aren't interested in sensationalism, gossip and unsupported speculation. Facts, figures -- those are the tools of the newspaper trade! Why it's almost as if you're trying to take the heat off this Barnes numbskull -- like you've gone all soft on him! SMITTY Come on, Chief, that's a low blow. Archer's not gonna go goey for a corn-fed idiot. CHIEF All right, I was out of line. But you're out of line with this stock swindle story. Gimme some more of that Moron-from-Sheboygan stuff -- AMY Muncie. CHIEF Whatever. That's what sells newspapers. AMY I've got an even hotter story -- The Sap from the City Desk. CHIEF Watch it, Archer -- AMY It's about a dimwitted editor who -- SMITTY Easy, Amy... He gives her a companionable goose. SMITTY ...Let's grab a highball and calm down. She whirls and slaps him. AMY Back off -- smoocher! Smitty rubs his cheek, staring as she storms off. SMITTY (angry) Say, what gives? ENGRAVED INVITATION IT READS: Sidney J. Mussburger President Norville Barnes and The Board of Hudsucker Industries CORDIALLY INVITE YOU TO The Annual Fancy-Dress Hudsucker Christmas Gala Music, Dancing, Refreshments (Dainties) Formal Evening Attire de Rigeuer. The MUSIC OVER the invitation -- "WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS" -- SEGUES INTO the dance music of the Hudsucker Chamber Orchestra. DANCING COUPLES FILL the SCREEN; we GLIDE AMONG them and FINALLY COME to follow one couple: Norville and MRS. MUSSBURGER, a large middle-aged woman of the Margaret Dumont-mold in an elaborately flowered and old-fashioned evening gown, low-cut in spite of her overly-heavy figure. She wears a large flowered hat with a rolled-up veil. MRS. MUSSBURGER -- So we'd gone out to the Hamptons and the garden was in positive ruins! NORVILLE That must have been quite a disappointment, Mrs. Mussburger. MRS. MUSSBURGER Disappointment? J'etais destroyee! I was in bed for a week! Positively sick with fury! I called in the gardener and said, 'Monsieur Gonzalez, either those azaleas come up next spring or you are terminee! She throws her head back and roars with laughter. ANGLE - THEIR FEET As the large woman leans back to laugh, her feet stay planted on the ground and Norville's rise to be dragged with his toes scraping the floor through the continuing dance. MRS. MUSSBURGER I'm brushing up on my French with the most charming man, Pierre of Fifth Avenue. Do you know him? NORVILLE I haven't had -- MRS. MUSSBURGER Sidney and I are planning a trip to Paris and points continental -- Aren't we, dear? Mussburger has ENTERED FRAME. MUSSBURGER Sure, sure. I'm going to borrow Norville for a while, if you don't mind, dear. MIXING DOWN as they leave her: MRS. MUSSBURGER Well, frankly, I... NORVILLE You have a charming wife, Mr. Muss -- uh, Sid. MUSSBURGER So they tell me. Norville, let me shepherd you through some of the introductions here. Try not to talk too much; some of our biggest stockholders are, uh -- scratch that: Say whatever you want. ENTRYWAY As Amy enters in a simple yet stunning evening gown. She looks around the room, then starts across the crowded floor towards the punch bowl. NORVILLE As Mussburger introduces him to a tall, imposing BUSINESSMAN in a tuxedo and a ten-gallon hat. MUSSBURGER Norville Barnes, allow me to introduce Mr. Zebulon Cardozo, one of Hudsucker Industries largest and most loyal stockholders. Ignoring Norville's proffered hand: CARDOZO (BUSINESSMAN) Dammit boy, what's this I hear about you bein' an embecile? What the hell is ailin' ya?! A week ago my stock was worth twice what it is now! I'm considering dumping the whole shootin' match, unless I see some vast improvement! Dammit, boy, It's a range war! Either you pull our wagons into a circle or I'm pullin' out of the wagon train! Norville gives him a forced but hearty laugh of reassurance. NORVILLE No need for concern, sir; it's only natural in a period of transition for the more timid element to run for cover -- CARDOZO So I'm yella, am I?!! He starts peeling off his tuxedo jacket: CARDOZO ...We'll see who's yella!! His WIFE, a small wiry woman, steps in as Mussburger starts dragging Norville away. MRS. CARDOZO Zebulon, you mind now and quit bein' sech an ole grizzly. As he reluctantly starts shrugging back into the jacket: CARDOZO Aww, I wasn't gonna hurt the boy, Lorelei... MUSSBURGER AND NORVILLE As they make their way through the room Norville is mopping at his brow with a handkerchief. NORVILLE I'm sorry, Sid, I thought maybe if I showed him the long view we might -- Thump! Dabbing at his brow, Norville has walked square into the back of a debonaire man

rises

How many times the word 'rises' appears in the text?

(O.S.) He don't look wise. As Norville turns to leave: VETERAN #2 (O.S.) How does she pull this out? She puts the back of her hand dramatically to her forehead. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) (disbelieving) She isn't! VETERAN #2 (O.S.) (thrilled) She is! And indeed she does: Faint dead away, falling backwards on the stool, so that Norville has no choice but to catch her. Norville holds her awkwardly, looking around for help. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) She's good, Bennie. VETERAN #2 (O.S.) She's damn good, Lou. A WAITRESS enters extreme f.g. to BLOCK OUR VIEW of the swooned woman and the embarrassed Norville. The Waitress is FACING the CAMERA and the two O.S. Veterans; the CROPPING gives us only her torso and the steaming pot of coffee she holds. WAITRESS (bored, nasal voice) Can I get you boys anything else? REVERSE ANGLE Back of the Waitress's torso in f.g.; on either side beyond her, the two Veterans are looking up at her O.S. face. They sport extremely bored expressions, topped by "cabbie" caps. VETERAN #1 Bromo. Beat. VETERAN #2 ...Bromo. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE Looking at its frosted-glass door; the sign painter is just finishing lettering in: NORVILLE BARNES, President. The sign painter makes way as we see Norville's shadow approaching; even from inside the room we can hear that he is WHEEZING HEAVILY. He is apparently carrying the girl, cradled in his arms. He tries to reach down to get the doorknob; can't manage it; turns to press his back against the door and get the knob with his other hand. The door opens as Norville swings around to enter. He is wheezing like a gas pipe about to explode. He swings around to kick the door shut. We see that the lettering on the door is now terribly smudged; we also see, in wet ink, on the seat of Norville's pants: senraB ellivroN tnediserP. Weakly, still cradled in Norville's arms: AMY I'm sorry we had to take the stairs. It was just that horrible little elevator boy... NORVILLE Not at all. You're light as a feather. AMY (pointing languorously) The couch, please. Still wheezing horribly, Norville staggers over to the couch and deposits her gently on it. He straightens up and looks at her. NORVILLE'S POV She is smiling wanly AT the CAMERA. The entire IMAGE PULSATES as the blood pounds behind Norville's eyeballs. We hear the LOUD, RASPING of his BREATH, resonating inside his head. Amy is talking but her voice is barely audible, as if coming from a long way away. BACK TO SCENE NORVILLE Just a minute. He perches drunkenly on the edge of the couch and puts his head between his knees, still fighting for breath. AMY I don't know what came over me. I suppose it was the shock of eating after so long without; the enzymes kicking in after so long, or whatever. But then you couldn't possibly know what it is to be tired and hungry... Speaking into his knees as he wheezes: NORVILLE Hungry, anyway. AMY I don't want to bore you with all the sordid details of my life; it's not a happy story... Norville rises and starts putting throw pillows behind her head. AMY ...Suffice it to say that I'm jobless -- though not for want of trying, that I'm friendless, with no one to -- thank you -- take care of me; and that had you not come along at just exactly the moment that you did -- She screams, staring down at the couch. Norville jumps, startled, then looks where she is looking. On the white sofa cushion where he had been sitting is printed, in wet ink, right side around: NORVILLE BARNES, President. AMY Norville, I didn't know you were president here! Norville stares dumbfounded at the sofa cushion. When the nickel finally drops, he spins around to try to look at the seat of his pants. Distracted but still modest: NORVILLE Oh, it's nothing really. Just determination and hard work... He unbuckles his trousers. NORVILLE ...Of course, when I started in the mailroom last Tuesday I thought it might take more time -- Buzz enters holding a brown paper bag. BUZZ Say, buddy, here's the whiskey you asked f -- He freezes, taking in the scene: Amy reclining on the couch; Norville standing in front of her with his pants around his ankles, still breathing heavily; the bottle of whiskey in his own hand. NORVILLE (flustered) Thank you, Buzz, just leave it on the desk. Leering: BUZZ Happy days, buddy... As he turns to leave: BUZZ ...and I'll tell your secretary you're not to be disturbed. Yowzuh!! He snaps the elastic strap under his chin. After the doors shut behind Buzz: AMY (shuddering) What a horrible little person. NORVILLE Oh, Buzz is pretty harmless, really -- AMY At any rate I arrived in town not ten days ago, full of dreams and aspirations, anxious to make my way in the world -- Norville pours a glass of whiskey and brings it over to her. AMY A little naive perhaps but -- thank you -- armed with determination, a solid work ethic, and an indomitable belief in the future -- NORVILLE I myself -- He crosses back to the desk. AMY Only to have that belief, that unsullied optimism, dashed against the marble and mortar of the modern work place -- Norville takes a cigarette from a large wood cigarette box on the desk and sticks it in his mouth. NORVILLE Cigarette? AMY No thank you. Seek and ye shall find, work and ye shall prosper -- these were the watch words of my education, the ethics of my tender years -- OVER NORVILLE'S SHOULDER He has been pushing the box towards her. The box tilts lazily forward and then disappears over the far lip of the desk. We hear the THUD of the BOX landing amid the pitter-patter of cigarettes raining onto the carpet. Amy's brow crinkles. Continuing: AMY -- these were the values that were instilled in me while I was growing up in a little town you've probably never heard of -- NORVILLE Mind if I join you? He is pouring himself a drink. AMY Be my guest. A little town you've probably -- He tosses back his drink, gags, looks at Amy with his eyes bulging. HIS POV Once again her IMAGE PULSATES. There is a ROARING SOUND and an AIRY STEAM WHISTLE as she silently moves her lips. NORVILLE He waves his arms and talks with a thick rasp as he staggers to his feet. NORVILLE Excuse me -- I -- executive washroom... He staggers out a side door. On his exit Amy leaps to her feet and scurries over to his desk. At the top of her voice: AMY Are you all right?... She throws open the top desk drawer. Inside two lonely lead pencils roll through the otherwise empty drawer. Amy expertly flips a cigarette into her mouth and strikes a match off the desktop. AMY ...Is it your lunch? The chicken a la king? From the washroom: NORVILLE (O.S.) No, I -- Amy throws open another drawer, empty except for an appointment book. As she hurriedly flips through page after blank page an arctic WIND WHISTLES emptiness. One page only has a notation: 11:45. Address Wilkie Grammar School Junior Achievers Club. AMY Is the a la king repeating on you? Amy shoves the appointment book back into the drawer. NORVILLE (O.S.) ...I'm fine, I... You were saying? She mutters: AMY Values... watchwords... uh, tender years... (aloud) -- A little town you've probably never heard of... She hastily stubs out her cigarette and waves her hand to disperse the smoke. AMY ...Muncie, Indiana. She scurries back across the room as we hear the FAUCET BEING TURNED OFF: she re-strikes her languid pose on the couch just as the washroom door opens. Norville gapes, one hand pressing a dripping rag to his forehead. NORVILLE You're from Muncie?! AMY Why yes, do you know it? Norville starts making pumping motions with his fists and loud syncopated grunting noises. Amy gapes at him. He starts singing, off-key: NORVILLE 'Fight on fight on dear old Muncie Fight on -- Hoist the gold and blue You'll be tattered, torn and hurtin' Once 'The Munce' is done with you!' Amy lamely fakes singing along, coming in louder on the last, obvious rhyme. Norville jumps an octave on it; she quickly follows sit, also pumping her fists. As Norville crosses his hands and locks thumbs in front of his nose to make bird wings of his extended fingers: NORVILLE ...Goooooooo Eagles! Amy awkwardly imitates. Norville excitedly sits behind his desk. NORVILLE ...A Muncie girl! Talk about the cat's pyjamas! Tell you what, Amy. I'm gonna cancel the rest of my appointments this afternoon and get you a job here at the Hud. AMY Oh, no, really, I -- NORVILLE Don't bother to thank me, it's the easiest thing in the world. Matter of fact, I know where a vacancy just came up. He hits the intercom. NORVILLE ...Mail room. To Amy: NORVILLE ...This'll only take a moment. INTERCOM (V.O.) Yeah? NORVILLE Good afternoon to ya, this is Norville Barnes -- INTERCOM (V.O.) Barnes! Where the hell have you been! And where's my voucher?! Norville thumps at his pockets. NORVILLE ...Well, I'm not sure where I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I need that voucher! I told you a week ago it was important! NORVILLE But look, I'm president of the company now and I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I don't care if you're president of the company! I need that voucher! Now! CLICK. The intercom goes dead. NORVILLE Oh, of all the foolish... Listen, do you take shorthand? Are you familiar with the mimeograph machine? AMY Of course -- I went to the Muncie, uh, Secretarial Polytechnic! Norville excitedly smacks a fist into a palm. NORVILLE -- A Muncie girl! Can you beat that! AMY Well, I just don't know how to thank you, Mr. Barnes -- NORVILLE Please! Norville! As he reaches to shake: NORVILLE ...It's my pleasure! She reaches for his hand but Norville snatches it away and, winking at her, hooks thumbs in front of his nose and makes wings of his fingers. NORVILLE ...Gooooooo Eagles! AMY likewise hooks her thumbs in front of her nose, makes wings, and, winking back: AMY Gooooooooo Eagles! But we PULL BACK to reveal that the girl is now in a newspaper office, demonstrating the fight sign to SMITTY, a reporter wearing a fedora with a bent-back brim. Smitty howls with laughter. SMITTY (wheezing) ...Once 'The Munce'... Holy... Amy sits down behind a typewriter and, as she starts typing at 80 words per minute: AMY And is this guy from chumpsville?! I pulled the old mother routine -- SMITTY Adenoids? AMY Lumbago. Behind her an ancient man wearing an inksman's visor and sleeve garters toils over a large checkerboarded surface over which he shuffles letter blocks and black spaces. Smitty gives a low whistle. SMITTY That gag's got whiskers on it! The PHONE RINGS and Smitty reaches for it. AMY I'm telling you, Smitty, the board of Hudsucker is up to something -- SMITTY (into phone) Yeah. ANCIENT PUZZLER Say, Amy, what's a six-letter word for an affliction of the hypothalmus? Without a break in her typing: AMY -- And it's a cinch -- Goiter -- it's a cinch this guy isn't in on it. How much time to make the Late Final? Smitty holds the phone away from his ear. SMITTY Chief. Still typing, Amy whistles and nods to her shoulder. Smitty tucks the phone into it as she continues typing. AMY Hiya, Chief, just the person I wanted to apologize to... Smitty is looking at his watch. SMITTY About seven minutes. AMY (still typing) Yeah, I was all wet about your idea man... Well, thanks for being so generous... It is human, and you are divine... No, he's no faker. He's the 100% real McCoy beware-of- imitations genuine article: the guy is a real moron -- To the Ancient Puzzler: AMY -- as in a five-letter word for imbecile -- Back into phone: AMY -- as pure a specimen as I've ever run across... Am I sure he's a nitwit? Heck, if working at the Argus doesn't make me an expert then my name isn't Amy Archer and I've never won the Pulitzer Prize... Her eyes narrow. AMY ...In 1957... My series on the reunited triplets -- come on down here, hammerhead, and I'll show it to ya... ANCIENT PUZZLER Amy, what's a three-letter word for a flightless bird? AMY Not now, Morris, I'm busy -- That's right, I said hammerhead, as in a ten-letter word for a smug bullying self-important newspaperman -- To Morris: AMY -- Gnu -- Into phone: AMY -- who couldn't find -- To Morris: AMY -- That's G-N-U -- Into phone: AMY -- couldn't find the Empire State Building with a compass, a road map and a native guide. To Morris: AMY -- or emu. She slams down the phone. To Smitty: AMY ...And that's just the potatoes, Smitty, here comes the gravy: The chump really likes me. A Muncie girl! Smitty bursts out laughing. SMITTY Better off falling for a rattlesnake. As she continues to type: AMY I'm tellin' ya, this guy's just the patsy and I'm gonna find out what for. There's a real story, Smitty, some kind of plot, a setup, a cabal, a -- oh, and say, did I tell ya?! SMITTY He didn't offer you money. AMY A sawbuck! SMITTY Ten dollars? Let's grab a highball! AMY On Norville Barnes! She rips the page out of the typewriter, swivels in her chair to FACE CAMERA as we TRACK IN CLOSE and she hollers: AMY ...Copy! DISSOLVE THROUGH TO: PRESSES rolling, churning out great quantities of newsprint. Papers piling up one on top of the other, very many, very quickly. DELIVERY MAN throwing a baled stack of papers off the back of his truck. BALED PAPER rolling into the f.g. A hand ENTERS FRAME to snip its wires and wipe off the top paper. PAPER BOY wearing an apron and a little paper boy cap, mouthing "Extra! Extra!" as he holds one of the papers aloft. PAN UP his arm TO the newspaper and, BEYOND it, the towering Hudsucker Building. All of the above -- DISSOLVING WITH: NEWSPAPER spinning TOWARDS the CAMERA and STOPPING FULL FRAME. Its headline, over a picture of Norville smiling, is "IMBECILE HEADS HUDSUCKER." The subheadline: "Not a Brain in his Head." ANOTHER ANGLE - NEWSPAPER is angrily slammed down to reveal that Norville has been reading the inside. His face twisting with fury, he leans forward and hits the intercom. NORVILLE Miss Smith, can you come in please to take a letter... Muttering to himself: NORVILLE ...of all the cockamamie... Amy is bustling in holding a steno pad and a pencil. As she seats herself in front of his desk, he rises to pace behind it. NORVILLE ...Did you happen to see the front page of today's Manhattan Argus? AMY Well, I... didn't bother to read the article. I didn't think the picture did you justice. NORVILLE The picture was fine! It's what that knuckle-headed dame wrote underneath! Of all the irresponsible... Amy, take this down: Dear Miss Archer. I call you 'Miss' because you seem to have 'missed' the boat completely on this one! How on earth would you know whether I'm an imbecile when you don't even have the guts to come in here and interview me man to man! No, change 'guts' to 'courage.' No, make it 'common decency.' These wild speculations about my intelligence -- AMY -- or lack thereof? NORVILLE (nodding) -- these preposterous inventions, would be better suited to the pages of Amazing Tales Magazine. If the editors of the Manhattan Argus see fit to publish the rantings of a disordered mind, perhaps they will see fit to publish this letter! But I doubt it. I most seriously doubt it. As I doubt also that you could find a home at Amazing Tales, a periodical which I have enjoyed for many years. Yours sincerely, et cetera. He drifts into thought. AMY Is that all, Mr. Barnes? NORVILLE ...Well, you know me, Amy, at least better than that that dame does. Do you think I'm an imbecile? AMY I'm sure I -- NORVILLE Go on, tell the truth; I trust you and I put a lot of stock in your opinion. AMY Well, I -- NORVILLE Oh sure, you're biased -- you're a fellow Muncian. But would an imbecile come up with this? He whips the cover sheet off a display pad resting on an easel to reveal a large piece of graph paper with a circle rendered onto it. Amy looks, puzzled, from the circle to Norville's proudly beaming face. NORVILLE ...I designed it myself and this is just the sweet baby that can put Hudsucker right back on top. Amy is bewildered. Norville explains: NORVILLE ...You know! For kids! AMY ...Why don't I just type this up... NORVILLE Aww, naw, Amy, that won't be necessary. I shouldn't send it; she's just doing her job, I guess. AMY Well, I don't know; maybe she does deserve it. Maybe she should've come in to face you man to man. NORVILLE Well, she probably had a deadline... AMY Sure, but -- she could still have gotten your side for the record! NORVILLE Well, it's done now -- what's the use of grousing about it. Forget the letter, Amy, I just had to blow off some steam... She gets up to leave, and is heading for the door when Norville adds: NORVILLE ...She's probably just a little confused. Amy turns at the door. AMY Confused? NORVILLE Yeah, you know, probably one of these fast-talking career gals, thinks she's one of the boys. Probably is one of the boys, if you know what I mean. AMY (through clenched teeth) I'm quite sure I don't know what you mean. NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Suffers from one of these complexes they have nowadays. Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it? She's probably very unattractive and bitter about it. AMY Oh, is that it! NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Probably dresses in men's clothing, swaps drinks with the guys at the local watering hole, and hobnobs with some smooth talking heel in the newsroom named Biff or Smoocher or... AMY Smitty. NORVILLE Exactly. And I bet she's ugly. Real ugly. Otherwise, why wouldn't they print her picture next to her byline? AMY Maybe she puts her work ahead of her personal appearance. NORVILLE I bet that's exactly what she tells herself! But you and I both know she's just a dried-up bitter old maid. Say, how about you and I grab a little dinner and a show after work? I was thinking maybe The King and I -- Whap! Amy slaps him. He stares. NORVILLE ...How about Oklahoma? As she stalks out of the office: AMY Norville Barnes, you don't know a thing about that woman! You don't know who she really is! And only a numbskull thinks he knows things about things he knows nothing about! He stares, rubbing his cheek. NORVILLE Say, what gives? WHISTLE SHRIEKING. SWISH PAN TO: CLOCK Reading five o'clock. SWISH PAN TO: WORKERS Rising from their desks, collecting personal effects, putting on their hats and coats. TIME CLOCK Busy hands punch out. INT. EMPTY HALLWAY Of the executive floor. A security man walks down the hall, whistling, swinging a ring of keys. After he passes the door to the ladies' room it opens, Amy peeks out, emerges, goes into Norville's office. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE She goes to the desk, takes out the appointment book, flips through it. BOOK Still empty except for the one date with the Wilkie Grammer School Junior Achievers Club, which now has a red line drawn across it with the notation CANCELED. AMY looks around the office -- notices something. DOOR Set into the wall to one side it is topped by a small plaque: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. Amy tries the knob, which turns, and enters. INT. ROOM It is big and dim, several stories high, with spiral staircases reaching into, and catwalks criss-crossing, the gloom above. It is filled with contraptions -- works, cogs, gears. There is no window, but on what would be the window wall there is an enormous iron ring with a metal rod sweeping an interior circle. It is the backside of the great Hudsucker clock. Amy gazes about. She crosses to a door opposite the one she entered from. She stoops to peek through its keyhole. HER POV We are LOOKING INTO Sidney J. Mussburger's office. Mussburger sits at his desk barking into a Dictaphone. CLICK-CLICK-CLICK -- the PERPETUAL MOTION BALLS on his desk are going full-tilt; THRUMMMMMMM -- the CLOCK'S exterior second hand sweeps a shadow across the office. Mussburger, it seems, never sleeps. MUSSBURGER Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A49. To: Director of the Jacksonville Facility. Copies to: Legal Affairs, Business Affairs, Central Files. Re: Movement of Raw Materials from the Huron Facility. Due to unfavorable news in the slag markets, Jacksonville inventory must be reduced by 15 percent with overflow diverted to the Waukegan Stamping Facility. Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A50. To: Director of -- BACK TO SCENE VOICE (O.S.) Watchoo doin' down they, Miss Archuh? AMY Huh?! She straightens and turns. Facing her is a very old BLACK MAN in a janitor's jumpsuit with HUDSUCKER INDUSTRIES/The Future Is Now emblazoned across it. We might recognize his voice as that of the narrator who opened the movie. AMY Who are you? How did you know who I am? MOSES (BLACK MAN) Ah guess ole Moses knows jes about ever'thing, leastways if it concerns Hudsuckuh. AMY But -- who are you -- what d'you do here? MOSES Ah keeps the ol' circle turning -- this ol' clock needs plenty o' care. Time is money, Miss Archuh, and money -- it drives that ol' global economy and keeps big Daddy Earth a-spinnin' on 'roun'. Ya see, without that capital fo'mation -- AMY Yeah, yeah. Say, you won't tell anyone about me, will you? MOSES I don't tell no one nothin' lessen they ask. Thatches ain't ole Moses' way. AMY So if you know everything about Hudsucker, tell me why the Board decided to make Norville Barnes president. MOSES Well, that even surprised ole Moses at fust. I didn't think the Board was that smart. AMY That smart?! MOSES But then I figured it out: they did it 'cause they figured young Norville for an imbecile. Like some othuh people ah know. AMY Why on earth would they want a nitwit to be president? MOSES 'Cause they's little pigglies! They's tryin' to inspire panic, make that stock git cheap so's they can snitch it all up fo' themselves! But Norville, he's got some tricks up his sleeve, he does... He draws a circle with his finger in the air. MOSES ...you know, fo' kids? Yeah, he's a smart one, that Norville, heh-heh, he's a caution. Wal, some folks is square, an' some is hip -- To punctuate, he gives a little jerk of his hips. MOSES ...But I guess you don't really know him any better than that board does, do ya, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, maybe I -- MOSES An' only some kind a knucklehead thinks she knows things 'bout things she, uh -- when she don't, uh -- How'd that go? AMY (bristling) It's hardly the same -- MOSES Why you don't even know y'own self -- you ain't exactly the genuine article are you, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, in connection with my job, sometimes I have to go undercover as it were -- MOSES I don't mean that! Why you pretendin' to be such a hard ol' sourpuss! Ain't never gonna make you happy! Never made Warin' happy. AMY (uncomfortably) I'm happy enough. MOSES (chuckles) Okay, Miss Archuh. (turns and walks away) ...I got gears to see to. AMY (calls after him) I'm plenty happy! She is answered only by WHIRRING MACHINERY. MOSES Elsewhere in the great room, he is hunkered down next to a catchment which he buffs with a greasy rag. Amy's VOICE ECHOES UP: AMY (O.S.) ...Hello? MOSES (muttering to himself) Them po' young folks. Looks like Norville's in fo' the same kind o' heartache ol' Warin' had. But then, she never axed me 'bout dat... As OMINOUS MUSIC SWELLS, we -- FADE OUT: FADE IN: INT. CHIEF'S OFFICE He slams down a typescript. CHIEF I can't print this! AMY Why not, it's all true! The board is using this poor guy! They're depressing the stock so they can buy it cheap! CHIEF It's pure speculation! Why, they'd have my butt in a satchel! SMITTY (chuckling) Ol' satchel-butt... AMY I know they're gonna buy that stock -- CHIEF You don't know anything! Fact is they haven't bought it! The stock is cheap, Archer! What're they waiting for? AMY I don't know... SMITTY Amy's hunches are usually pretty good, Chief. CHIEF You don't accuse someone of stock manipulation on a hunch, Ignatz! The readers of the Manhattan Argus aren't interested in sensationalism, gossip and unsupported speculation. Facts, figures -- those are the tools of the newspaper trade! Why it's almost as if you're trying to take the heat off this Barnes numbskull -- like you've gone all soft on him! SMITTY Come on, Chief, that's a low blow. Archer's not gonna go goey for a corn-fed idiot. CHIEF All right, I was out of line. But you're out of line with this stock swindle story. Gimme some more of that Moron-from-Sheboygan stuff -- AMY Muncie. CHIEF Whatever. That's what sells newspapers. AMY I've got an even hotter story -- The Sap from the City Desk. CHIEF Watch it, Archer -- AMY It's about a dimwitted editor who -- SMITTY Easy, Amy... He gives her a companionable goose. SMITTY ...Let's grab a highball and calm down. She whirls and slaps him. AMY Back off -- smoocher! Smitty rubs his cheek, staring as she storms off. SMITTY (angry) Say, what gives? ENGRAVED INVITATION IT READS: Sidney J. Mussburger President Norville Barnes and The Board of Hudsucker Industries CORDIALLY INVITE YOU TO The Annual Fancy-Dress Hudsucker Christmas Gala Music, Dancing, Refreshments (Dainties) Formal Evening Attire de Rigeuer. The MUSIC OVER the invitation -- "WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS" -- SEGUES INTO the dance music of the Hudsucker Chamber Orchestra. DANCING COUPLES FILL the SCREEN; we GLIDE AMONG them and FINALLY COME to follow one couple: Norville and MRS. MUSSBURGER, a large middle-aged woman of the Margaret Dumont-mold in an elaborately flowered and old-fashioned evening gown, low-cut in spite of her overly-heavy figure. She wears a large flowered hat with a rolled-up veil. MRS. MUSSBURGER -- So we'd gone out to the Hamptons and the garden was in positive ruins! NORVILLE That must have been quite a disappointment, Mrs. Mussburger. MRS. MUSSBURGER Disappointment? J'etais destroyee! I was in bed for a week! Positively sick with fury! I called in the gardener and said, 'Monsieur Gonzalez, either those azaleas come up next spring or you are terminee! She throws her head back and roars with laughter. ANGLE - THEIR FEET As the large woman leans back to laugh, her feet stay planted on the ground and Norville's rise to be dragged with his toes scraping the floor through the continuing dance. MRS. MUSSBURGER I'm brushing up on my French with the most charming man, Pierre of Fifth Avenue. Do you know him? NORVILLE I haven't had -- MRS. MUSSBURGER Sidney and I are planning a trip to Paris and points continental -- Aren't we, dear? Mussburger has ENTERED FRAME. MUSSBURGER Sure, sure. I'm going to borrow Norville for a while, if you don't mind, dear. MIXING DOWN as they leave her: MRS. MUSSBURGER Well, frankly, I... NORVILLE You have a charming wife, Mr. Muss -- uh, Sid. MUSSBURGER So they tell me. Norville, let me shepherd you through some of the introductions here. Try not to talk too much; some of our biggest stockholders are, uh -- scratch that: Say whatever you want. ENTRYWAY As Amy enters in a simple yet stunning evening gown. She looks around the room, then starts across the crowded floor towards the punch bowl. NORVILLE As Mussburger introduces him to a tall, imposing BUSINESSMAN in a tuxedo and a ten-gallon hat. MUSSBURGER Norville Barnes, allow me to introduce Mr. Zebulon Cardozo, one of Hudsucker Industries largest and most loyal stockholders. Ignoring Norville's proffered hand: CARDOZO (BUSINESSMAN) Dammit boy, what's this I hear about you bein' an embecile? What the hell is ailin' ya?! A week ago my stock was worth twice what it is now! I'm considering dumping the whole shootin' match, unless I see some vast improvement! Dammit, boy, It's a range war! Either you pull our wagons into a circle or I'm pullin' out of the wagon train! Norville gives him a forced but hearty laugh of reassurance. NORVILLE No need for concern, sir; it's only natural in a period of transition for the more timid element to run for cover -- CARDOZO So I'm yella, am I?!! He starts peeling off his tuxedo jacket: CARDOZO ...We'll see who's yella!! His WIFE, a small wiry woman, steps in as Mussburger starts dragging Norville away. MRS. CARDOZO Zebulon, you mind now and quit bein' sech an ole grizzly. As he reluctantly starts shrugging back into the jacket: CARDOZO Aww, I wasn't gonna hurt the boy, Lorelei... MUSSBURGER AND NORVILLE As they make their way through the room Norville is mopping at his brow with a handkerchief. NORVILLE I'm sorry, Sid, I thought maybe if I showed him the long view we might -- Thump! Dabbing at his brow, Norville has walked square into the back of a debonaire man

doubt

How many times the word 'doubt' appears in the text?

(O.S.) He don't look wise. As Norville turns to leave: VETERAN #2 (O.S.) How does she pull this out? She puts the back of her hand dramatically to her forehead. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) (disbelieving) She isn't! VETERAN #2 (O.S.) (thrilled) She is! And indeed she does: Faint dead away, falling backwards on the stool, so that Norville has no choice but to catch her. Norville holds her awkwardly, looking around for help. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) She's good, Bennie. VETERAN #2 (O.S.) She's damn good, Lou. A WAITRESS enters extreme f.g. to BLOCK OUR VIEW of the swooned woman and the embarrassed Norville. The Waitress is FACING the CAMERA and the two O.S. Veterans; the CROPPING gives us only her torso and the steaming pot of coffee she holds. WAITRESS (bored, nasal voice) Can I get you boys anything else? REVERSE ANGLE Back of the Waitress's torso in f.g.; on either side beyond her, the two Veterans are looking up at her O.S. face. They sport extremely bored expressions, topped by "cabbie" caps. VETERAN #1 Bromo. Beat. VETERAN #2 ...Bromo. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE Looking at its frosted-glass door; the sign painter is just finishing lettering in: NORVILLE BARNES, President. The sign painter makes way as we see Norville's shadow approaching; even from inside the room we can hear that he is WHEEZING HEAVILY. He is apparently carrying the girl, cradled in his arms. He tries to reach down to get the doorknob; can't manage it; turns to press his back against the door and get the knob with his other hand. The door opens as Norville swings around to enter. He is wheezing like a gas pipe about to explode. He swings around to kick the door shut. We see that the lettering on the door is now terribly smudged; we also see, in wet ink, on the seat of Norville's pants: senraB ellivroN tnediserP. Weakly, still cradled in Norville's arms: AMY I'm sorry we had to take the stairs. It was just that horrible little elevator boy... NORVILLE Not at all. You're light as a feather. AMY (pointing languorously) The couch, please. Still wheezing horribly, Norville staggers over to the couch and deposits her gently on it. He straightens up and looks at her. NORVILLE'S POV She is smiling wanly AT the CAMERA. The entire IMAGE PULSATES as the blood pounds behind Norville's eyeballs. We hear the LOUD, RASPING of his BREATH, resonating inside his head. Amy is talking but her voice is barely audible, as if coming from a long way away. BACK TO SCENE NORVILLE Just a minute. He perches drunkenly on the edge of the couch and puts his head between his knees, still fighting for breath. AMY I don't know what came over me. I suppose it was the shock of eating after so long without; the enzymes kicking in after so long, or whatever. But then you couldn't possibly know what it is to be tired and hungry... Speaking into his knees as he wheezes: NORVILLE Hungry, anyway. AMY I don't want to bore you with all the sordid details of my life; it's not a happy story... Norville rises and starts putting throw pillows behind her head. AMY ...Suffice it to say that I'm jobless -- though not for want of trying, that I'm friendless, with no one to -- thank you -- take care of me; and that had you not come along at just exactly the moment that you did -- She screams, staring down at the couch. Norville jumps, startled, then looks where she is looking. On the white sofa cushion where he had been sitting is printed, in wet ink, right side around: NORVILLE BARNES, President. AMY Norville, I didn't know you were president here! Norville stares dumbfounded at the sofa cushion. When the nickel finally drops, he spins around to try to look at the seat of his pants. Distracted but still modest: NORVILLE Oh, it's nothing really. Just determination and hard work... He unbuckles his trousers. NORVILLE ...Of course, when I started in the mailroom last Tuesday I thought it might take more time -- Buzz enters holding a brown paper bag. BUZZ Say, buddy, here's the whiskey you asked f -- He freezes, taking in the scene: Amy reclining on the couch; Norville standing in front of her with his pants around his ankles, still breathing heavily; the bottle of whiskey in his own hand. NORVILLE (flustered) Thank you, Buzz, just leave it on the desk. Leering: BUZZ Happy days, buddy... As he turns to leave: BUZZ ...and I'll tell your secretary you're not to be disturbed. Yowzuh!! He snaps the elastic strap under his chin. After the doors shut behind Buzz: AMY (shuddering) What a horrible little person. NORVILLE Oh, Buzz is pretty harmless, really -- AMY At any rate I arrived in town not ten days ago, full of dreams and aspirations, anxious to make my way in the world -- Norville pours a glass of whiskey and brings it over to her. AMY A little naive perhaps but -- thank you -- armed with determination, a solid work ethic, and an indomitable belief in the future -- NORVILLE I myself -- He crosses back to the desk. AMY Only to have that belief, that unsullied optimism, dashed against the marble and mortar of the modern work place -- Norville takes a cigarette from a large wood cigarette box on the desk and sticks it in his mouth. NORVILLE Cigarette? AMY No thank you. Seek and ye shall find, work and ye shall prosper -- these were the watch words of my education, the ethics of my tender years -- OVER NORVILLE'S SHOULDER He has been pushing the box towards her. The box tilts lazily forward and then disappears over the far lip of the desk. We hear the THUD of the BOX landing amid the pitter-patter of cigarettes raining onto the carpet. Amy's brow crinkles. Continuing: AMY -- these were the values that were instilled in me while I was growing up in a little town you've probably never heard of -- NORVILLE Mind if I join you? He is pouring himself a drink. AMY Be my guest. A little town you've probably -- He tosses back his drink, gags, looks at Amy with his eyes bulging. HIS POV Once again her IMAGE PULSATES. There is a ROARING SOUND and an AIRY STEAM WHISTLE as she silently moves her lips. NORVILLE He waves his arms and talks with a thick rasp as he staggers to his feet. NORVILLE Excuse me -- I -- executive washroom... He staggers out a side door. On his exit Amy leaps to her feet and scurries over to his desk. At the top of her voice: AMY Are you all right?... She throws open the top desk drawer. Inside two lonely lead pencils roll through the otherwise empty drawer. Amy expertly flips a cigarette into her mouth and strikes a match off the desktop. AMY ...Is it your lunch? The chicken a la king? From the washroom: NORVILLE (O.S.) No, I -- Amy throws open another drawer, empty except for an appointment book. As she hurriedly flips through page after blank page an arctic WIND WHISTLES emptiness. One page only has a notation: 11:45. Address Wilkie Grammar School Junior Achievers Club. AMY Is the a la king repeating on you? Amy shoves the appointment book back into the drawer. NORVILLE (O.S.) ...I'm fine, I... You were saying? She mutters: AMY Values... watchwords... uh, tender years... (aloud) -- A little town you've probably never heard of... She hastily stubs out her cigarette and waves her hand to disperse the smoke. AMY ...Muncie, Indiana. She scurries back across the room as we hear the FAUCET BEING TURNED OFF: she re-strikes her languid pose on the couch just as the washroom door opens. Norville gapes, one hand pressing a dripping rag to his forehead. NORVILLE You're from Muncie?! AMY Why yes, do you know it? Norville starts making pumping motions with his fists and loud syncopated grunting noises. Amy gapes at him. He starts singing, off-key: NORVILLE 'Fight on fight on dear old Muncie Fight on -- Hoist the gold and blue You'll be tattered, torn and hurtin' Once 'The Munce' is done with you!' Amy lamely fakes singing along, coming in louder on the last, obvious rhyme. Norville jumps an octave on it; she quickly follows sit, also pumping her fists. As Norville crosses his hands and locks thumbs in front of his nose to make bird wings of his extended fingers: NORVILLE ...Goooooooo Eagles! Amy awkwardly imitates. Norville excitedly sits behind his desk. NORVILLE ...A Muncie girl! Talk about the cat's pyjamas! Tell you what, Amy. I'm gonna cancel the rest of my appointments this afternoon and get you a job here at the Hud. AMY Oh, no, really, I -- NORVILLE Don't bother to thank me, it's the easiest thing in the world. Matter of fact, I know where a vacancy just came up. He hits the intercom. NORVILLE ...Mail room. To Amy: NORVILLE ...This'll only take a moment. INTERCOM (V.O.) Yeah? NORVILLE Good afternoon to ya, this is Norville Barnes -- INTERCOM (V.O.) Barnes! Where the hell have you been! And where's my voucher?! Norville thumps at his pockets. NORVILLE ...Well, I'm not sure where I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I need that voucher! I told you a week ago it was important! NORVILLE But look, I'm president of the company now and I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I don't care if you're president of the company! I need that voucher! Now! CLICK. The intercom goes dead. NORVILLE Oh, of all the foolish... Listen, do you take shorthand? Are you familiar with the mimeograph machine? AMY Of course -- I went to the Muncie, uh, Secretarial Polytechnic! Norville excitedly smacks a fist into a palm. NORVILLE -- A Muncie girl! Can you beat that! AMY Well, I just don't know how to thank you, Mr. Barnes -- NORVILLE Please! Norville! As he reaches to shake: NORVILLE ...It's my pleasure! She reaches for his hand but Norville snatches it away and, winking at her, hooks thumbs in front of his nose and makes wings of his fingers. NORVILLE ...Gooooooo Eagles! AMY likewise hooks her thumbs in front of her nose, makes wings, and, winking back: AMY Gooooooooo Eagles! But we PULL BACK to reveal that the girl is now in a newspaper office, demonstrating the fight sign to SMITTY, a reporter wearing a fedora with a bent-back brim. Smitty howls with laughter. SMITTY (wheezing) ...Once 'The Munce'... Holy... Amy sits down behind a typewriter and, as she starts typing at 80 words per minute: AMY And is this guy from chumpsville?! I pulled the old mother routine -- SMITTY Adenoids? AMY Lumbago. Behind her an ancient man wearing an inksman's visor and sleeve garters toils over a large checkerboarded surface over which he shuffles letter blocks and black spaces. Smitty gives a low whistle. SMITTY That gag's got whiskers on it! The PHONE RINGS and Smitty reaches for it. AMY I'm telling you, Smitty, the board of Hudsucker is up to something -- SMITTY (into phone) Yeah. ANCIENT PUZZLER Say, Amy, what's a six-letter word for an affliction of the hypothalmus? Without a break in her typing: AMY -- And it's a cinch -- Goiter -- it's a cinch this guy isn't in on it. How much time to make the Late Final? Smitty holds the phone away from his ear. SMITTY Chief. Still typing, Amy whistles and nods to her shoulder. Smitty tucks the phone into it as she continues typing. AMY Hiya, Chief, just the person I wanted to apologize to... Smitty is looking at his watch. SMITTY About seven minutes. AMY (still typing) Yeah, I was all wet about your idea man... Well, thanks for being so generous... It is human, and you are divine... No, he's no faker. He's the 100% real McCoy beware-of- imitations genuine article: the guy is a real moron -- To the Ancient Puzzler: AMY -- as in a five-letter word for imbecile -- Back into phone: AMY -- as pure a specimen as I've ever run across... Am I sure he's a nitwit? Heck, if working at the Argus doesn't make me an expert then my name isn't Amy Archer and I've never won the Pulitzer Prize... Her eyes narrow. AMY ...In 1957... My series on the reunited triplets -- come on down here, hammerhead, and I'll show it to ya... ANCIENT PUZZLER Amy, what's a three-letter word for a flightless bird? AMY Not now, Morris, I'm busy -- That's right, I said hammerhead, as in a ten-letter word for a smug bullying self-important newspaperman -- To Morris: AMY -- Gnu -- Into phone: AMY -- who couldn't find -- To Morris: AMY -- That's G-N-U -- Into phone: AMY -- couldn't find the Empire State Building with a compass, a road map and a native guide. To Morris: AMY -- or emu. She slams down the phone. To Smitty: AMY ...And that's just the potatoes, Smitty, here comes the gravy: The chump really likes me. A Muncie girl! Smitty bursts out laughing. SMITTY Better off falling for a rattlesnake. As she continues to type: AMY I'm tellin' ya, this guy's just the patsy and I'm gonna find out what for. There's a real story, Smitty, some kind of plot, a setup, a cabal, a -- oh, and say, did I tell ya?! SMITTY He didn't offer you money. AMY A sawbuck! SMITTY Ten dollars? Let's grab a highball! AMY On Norville Barnes! She rips the page out of the typewriter, swivels in her chair to FACE CAMERA as we TRACK IN CLOSE and she hollers: AMY ...Copy! DISSOLVE THROUGH TO: PRESSES rolling, churning out great quantities of newsprint. Papers piling up one on top of the other, very many, very quickly. DELIVERY MAN throwing a baled stack of papers off the back of his truck. BALED PAPER rolling into the f.g. A hand ENTERS FRAME to snip its wires and wipe off the top paper. PAPER BOY wearing an apron and a little paper boy cap, mouthing "Extra! Extra!" as he holds one of the papers aloft. PAN UP his arm TO the newspaper and, BEYOND it, the towering Hudsucker Building. All of the above -- DISSOLVING WITH: NEWSPAPER spinning TOWARDS the CAMERA and STOPPING FULL FRAME. Its headline, over a picture of Norville smiling, is "IMBECILE HEADS HUDSUCKER." The subheadline: "Not a Brain in his Head." ANOTHER ANGLE - NEWSPAPER is angrily slammed down to reveal that Norville has been reading the inside. His face twisting with fury, he leans forward and hits the intercom. NORVILLE Miss Smith, can you come in please to take a letter... Muttering to himself: NORVILLE ...of all the cockamamie... Amy is bustling in holding a steno pad and a pencil. As she seats herself in front of his desk, he rises to pace behind it. NORVILLE ...Did you happen to see the front page of today's Manhattan Argus? AMY Well, I... didn't bother to read the article. I didn't think the picture did you justice. NORVILLE The picture was fine! It's what that knuckle-headed dame wrote underneath! Of all the irresponsible... Amy, take this down: Dear Miss Archer. I call you 'Miss' because you seem to have 'missed' the boat completely on this one! How on earth would you know whether I'm an imbecile when you don't even have the guts to come in here and interview me man to man! No, change 'guts' to 'courage.' No, make it 'common decency.' These wild speculations about my intelligence -- AMY -- or lack thereof? NORVILLE (nodding) -- these preposterous inventions, would be better suited to the pages of Amazing Tales Magazine. If the editors of the Manhattan Argus see fit to publish the rantings of a disordered mind, perhaps they will see fit to publish this letter! But I doubt it. I most seriously doubt it. As I doubt also that you could find a home at Amazing Tales, a periodical which I have enjoyed for many years. Yours sincerely, et cetera. He drifts into thought. AMY Is that all, Mr. Barnes? NORVILLE ...Well, you know me, Amy, at least better than that that dame does. Do you think I'm an imbecile? AMY I'm sure I -- NORVILLE Go on, tell the truth; I trust you and I put a lot of stock in your opinion. AMY Well, I -- NORVILLE Oh sure, you're biased -- you're a fellow Muncian. But would an imbecile come up with this? He whips the cover sheet off a display pad resting on an easel to reveal a large piece of graph paper with a circle rendered onto it. Amy looks, puzzled, from the circle to Norville's proudly beaming face. NORVILLE ...I designed it myself and this is just the sweet baby that can put Hudsucker right back on top. Amy is bewildered. Norville explains: NORVILLE ...You know! For kids! AMY ...Why don't I just type this up... NORVILLE Aww, naw, Amy, that won't be necessary. I shouldn't send it; she's just doing her job, I guess. AMY Well, I don't know; maybe she does deserve it. Maybe she should've come in to face you man to man. NORVILLE Well, she probably had a deadline... AMY Sure, but -- she could still have gotten your side for the record! NORVILLE Well, it's done now -- what's the use of grousing about it. Forget the letter, Amy, I just had to blow off some steam... She gets up to leave, and is heading for the door when Norville adds: NORVILLE ...She's probably just a little confused. Amy turns at the door. AMY Confused? NORVILLE Yeah, you know, probably one of these fast-talking career gals, thinks she's one of the boys. Probably is one of the boys, if you know what I mean. AMY (through clenched teeth) I'm quite sure I don't know what you mean. NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Suffers from one of these complexes they have nowadays. Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it? She's probably very unattractive and bitter about it. AMY Oh, is that it! NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Probably dresses in men's clothing, swaps drinks with the guys at the local watering hole, and hobnobs with some smooth talking heel in the newsroom named Biff or Smoocher or... AMY Smitty. NORVILLE Exactly. And I bet she's ugly. Real ugly. Otherwise, why wouldn't they print her picture next to her byline? AMY Maybe she puts her work ahead of her personal appearance. NORVILLE I bet that's exactly what she tells herself! But you and I both know she's just a dried-up bitter old maid. Say, how about you and I grab a little dinner and a show after work? I was thinking maybe The King and I -- Whap! Amy slaps him. He stares. NORVILLE ...How about Oklahoma? As she stalks out of the office: AMY Norville Barnes, you don't know a thing about that woman! You don't know who she really is! And only a numbskull thinks he knows things about things he knows nothing about! He stares, rubbing his cheek. NORVILLE Say, what gives? WHISTLE SHRIEKING. SWISH PAN TO: CLOCK Reading five o'clock. SWISH PAN TO: WORKERS Rising from their desks, collecting personal effects, putting on their hats and coats. TIME CLOCK Busy hands punch out. INT. EMPTY HALLWAY Of the executive floor. A security man walks down the hall, whistling, swinging a ring of keys. After he passes the door to the ladies' room it opens, Amy peeks out, emerges, goes into Norville's office. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE She goes to the desk, takes out the appointment book, flips through it. BOOK Still empty except for the one date with the Wilkie Grammer School Junior Achievers Club, which now has a red line drawn across it with the notation CANCELED. AMY looks around the office -- notices something. DOOR Set into the wall to one side it is topped by a small plaque: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. Amy tries the knob, which turns, and enters. INT. ROOM It is big and dim, several stories high, with spiral staircases reaching into, and catwalks criss-crossing, the gloom above. It is filled with contraptions -- works, cogs, gears. There is no window, but on what would be the window wall there is an enormous iron ring with a metal rod sweeping an interior circle. It is the backside of the great Hudsucker clock. Amy gazes about. She crosses to a door opposite the one she entered from. She stoops to peek through its keyhole. HER POV We are LOOKING INTO Sidney J. Mussburger's office. Mussburger sits at his desk barking into a Dictaphone. CLICK-CLICK-CLICK -- the PERPETUAL MOTION BALLS on his desk are going full-tilt; THRUMMMMMMM -- the CLOCK'S exterior second hand sweeps a shadow across the office. Mussburger, it seems, never sleeps. MUSSBURGER Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A49. To: Director of the Jacksonville Facility. Copies to: Legal Affairs, Business Affairs, Central Files. Re: Movement of Raw Materials from the Huron Facility. Due to unfavorable news in the slag markets, Jacksonville inventory must be reduced by 15 percent with overflow diverted to the Waukegan Stamping Facility. Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A50. To: Director of -- BACK TO SCENE VOICE (O.S.) Watchoo doin' down they, Miss Archuh? AMY Huh?! She straightens and turns. Facing her is a very old BLACK MAN in a janitor's jumpsuit with HUDSUCKER INDUSTRIES/The Future Is Now emblazoned across it. We might recognize his voice as that of the narrator who opened the movie. AMY Who are you? How did you know who I am? MOSES (BLACK MAN) Ah guess ole Moses knows jes about ever'thing, leastways if it concerns Hudsuckuh. AMY But -- who are you -- what d'you do here? MOSES Ah keeps the ol' circle turning -- this ol' clock needs plenty o' care. Time is money, Miss Archuh, and money -- it drives that ol' global economy and keeps big Daddy Earth a-spinnin' on 'roun'. Ya see, without that capital fo'mation -- AMY Yeah, yeah. Say, you won't tell anyone about me, will you? MOSES I don't tell no one nothin' lessen they ask. Thatches ain't ole Moses' way. AMY So if you know everything about Hudsucker, tell me why the Board decided to make Norville Barnes president. MOSES Well, that even surprised ole Moses at fust. I didn't think the Board was that smart. AMY That smart?! MOSES But then I figured it out: they did it 'cause they figured young Norville for an imbecile. Like some othuh people ah know. AMY Why on earth would they want a nitwit to be president? MOSES 'Cause they's little pigglies! They's tryin' to inspire panic, make that stock git cheap so's they can snitch it all up fo' themselves! But Norville, he's got some tricks up his sleeve, he does... He draws a circle with his finger in the air. MOSES ...you know, fo' kids? Yeah, he's a smart one, that Norville, heh-heh, he's a caution. Wal, some folks is square, an' some is hip -- To punctuate, he gives a little jerk of his hips. MOSES ...But I guess you don't really know him any better than that board does, do ya, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, maybe I -- MOSES An' only some kind a knucklehead thinks she knows things 'bout things she, uh -- when she don't, uh -- How'd that go? AMY (bristling) It's hardly the same -- MOSES Why you don't even know y'own self -- you ain't exactly the genuine article are you, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, in connection with my job, sometimes I have to go undercover as it were -- MOSES I don't mean that! Why you pretendin' to be such a hard ol' sourpuss! Ain't never gonna make you happy! Never made Warin' happy. AMY (uncomfortably) I'm happy enough. MOSES (chuckles) Okay, Miss Archuh. (turns and walks away) ...I got gears to see to. AMY (calls after him) I'm plenty happy! She is answered only by WHIRRING MACHINERY. MOSES Elsewhere in the great room, he is hunkered down next to a catchment which he buffs with a greasy rag. Amy's VOICE ECHOES UP: AMY (O.S.) ...Hello? MOSES (muttering to himself) Them po' young folks. Looks like Norville's in fo' the same kind o' heartache ol' Warin' had. But then, she never axed me 'bout dat... As OMINOUS MUSIC SWELLS, we -- FADE OUT: FADE IN: INT. CHIEF'S OFFICE He slams down a typescript. CHIEF I can't print this! AMY Why not, it's all true! The board is using this poor guy! They're depressing the stock so they can buy it cheap! CHIEF It's pure speculation! Why, they'd have my butt in a satchel! SMITTY (chuckling) Ol' satchel-butt... AMY I know they're gonna buy that stock -- CHIEF You don't know anything! Fact is they haven't bought it! The stock is cheap, Archer! What're they waiting for? AMY I don't know... SMITTY Amy's hunches are usually pretty good, Chief. CHIEF You don't accuse someone of stock manipulation on a hunch, Ignatz! The readers of the Manhattan Argus aren't interested in sensationalism, gossip and unsupported speculation. Facts, figures -- those are the tools of the newspaper trade! Why it's almost as if you're trying to take the heat off this Barnes numbskull -- like you've gone all soft on him! SMITTY Come on, Chief, that's a low blow. Archer's not gonna go goey for a corn-fed idiot. CHIEF All right, I was out of line. But you're out of line with this stock swindle story. Gimme some more of that Moron-from-Sheboygan stuff -- AMY Muncie. CHIEF Whatever. That's what sells newspapers. AMY I've got an even hotter story -- The Sap from the City Desk. CHIEF Watch it, Archer -- AMY It's about a dimwitted editor who -- SMITTY Easy, Amy... He gives her a companionable goose. SMITTY ...Let's grab a highball and calm down. She whirls and slaps him. AMY Back off -- smoocher! Smitty rubs his cheek, staring as she storms off. SMITTY (angry) Say, what gives? ENGRAVED INVITATION IT READS: Sidney J. Mussburger President Norville Barnes and The Board of Hudsucker Industries CORDIALLY INVITE YOU TO The Annual Fancy-Dress Hudsucker Christmas Gala Music, Dancing, Refreshments (Dainties) Formal Evening Attire de Rigeuer. The MUSIC OVER the invitation -- "WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS" -- SEGUES INTO the dance music of the Hudsucker Chamber Orchestra. DANCING COUPLES FILL the SCREEN; we GLIDE AMONG them and FINALLY COME to follow one couple: Norville and MRS. MUSSBURGER, a large middle-aged woman of the Margaret Dumont-mold in an elaborately flowered and old-fashioned evening gown, low-cut in spite of her overly-heavy figure. She wears a large flowered hat with a rolled-up veil. MRS. MUSSBURGER -- So we'd gone out to the Hamptons and the garden was in positive ruins! NORVILLE That must have been quite a disappointment, Mrs. Mussburger. MRS. MUSSBURGER Disappointment? J'etais destroyee! I was in bed for a week! Positively sick with fury! I called in the gardener and said, 'Monsieur Gonzalez, either those azaleas come up next spring or you are terminee! She throws her head back and roars with laughter. ANGLE - THEIR FEET As the large woman leans back to laugh, her feet stay planted on the ground and Norville's rise to be dragged with his toes scraping the floor through the continuing dance. MRS. MUSSBURGER I'm brushing up on my French with the most charming man, Pierre of Fifth Avenue. Do you know him? NORVILLE I haven't had -- MRS. MUSSBURGER Sidney and I are planning a trip to Paris and points continental -- Aren't we, dear? Mussburger has ENTERED FRAME. MUSSBURGER Sure, sure. I'm going to borrow Norville for a while, if you don't mind, dear. MIXING DOWN as they leave her: MRS. MUSSBURGER Well, frankly, I... NORVILLE You have a charming wife, Mr. Muss -- uh, Sid. MUSSBURGER So they tell me. Norville, let me shepherd you through some of the introductions here. Try not to talk too much; some of our biggest stockholders are, uh -- scratch that: Say whatever you want. ENTRYWAY As Amy enters in a simple yet stunning evening gown. She looks around the room, then starts across the crowded floor towards the punch bowl. NORVILLE As Mussburger introduces him to a tall, imposing BUSINESSMAN in a tuxedo and a ten-gallon hat. MUSSBURGER Norville Barnes, allow me to introduce Mr. Zebulon Cardozo, one of Hudsucker Industries largest and most loyal stockholders. Ignoring Norville's proffered hand: CARDOZO (BUSINESSMAN) Dammit boy, what's this I hear about you bein' an embecile? What the hell is ailin' ya?! A week ago my stock was worth twice what it is now! I'm considering dumping the whole shootin' match, unless I see some vast improvement! Dammit, boy, It's a range war! Either you pull our wagons into a circle or I'm pullin' out of the wagon train! Norville gives him a forced but hearty laugh of reassurance. NORVILLE No need for concern, sir; it's only natural in a period of transition for the more timid element to run for cover -- CARDOZO So I'm yella, am I?!! He starts peeling off his tuxedo jacket: CARDOZO ...We'll see who's yella!! His WIFE, a small wiry woman, steps in as Mussburger starts dragging Norville away. MRS. CARDOZO Zebulon, you mind now and quit bein' sech an ole grizzly. As he reluctantly starts shrugging back into the jacket: CARDOZO Aww, I wasn't gonna hurt the boy, Lorelei... MUSSBURGER AND NORVILLE As they make their way through the room Norville is mopping at his brow with a handkerchief. NORVILLE I'm sorry, Sid, I thought maybe if I showed him the long view we might -- Thump! Dabbing at his brow, Norville has walked square into the back of a debonaire man

voucher

How many times the word 'voucher' appears in the text?

(O.S.) He don't look wise. As Norville turns to leave: VETERAN #2 (O.S.) How does she pull this out? She puts the back of her hand dramatically to her forehead. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) (disbelieving) She isn't! VETERAN #2 (O.S.) (thrilled) She is! And indeed she does: Faint dead away, falling backwards on the stool, so that Norville has no choice but to catch her. Norville holds her awkwardly, looking around for help. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) She's good, Bennie. VETERAN #2 (O.S.) She's damn good, Lou. A WAITRESS enters extreme f.g. to BLOCK OUR VIEW of the swooned woman and the embarrassed Norville. The Waitress is FACING the CAMERA and the two O.S. Veterans; the CROPPING gives us only her torso and the steaming pot of coffee she holds. WAITRESS (bored, nasal voice) Can I get you boys anything else? REVERSE ANGLE Back of the Waitress's torso in f.g.; on either side beyond her, the two Veterans are looking up at her O.S. face. They sport extremely bored expressions, topped by "cabbie" caps. VETERAN #1 Bromo. Beat. VETERAN #2 ...Bromo. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE Looking at its frosted-glass door; the sign painter is just finishing lettering in: NORVILLE BARNES, President. The sign painter makes way as we see Norville's shadow approaching; even from inside the room we can hear that he is WHEEZING HEAVILY. He is apparently carrying the girl, cradled in his arms. He tries to reach down to get the doorknob; can't manage it; turns to press his back against the door and get the knob with his other hand. The door opens as Norville swings around to enter. He is wheezing like a gas pipe about to explode. He swings around to kick the door shut. We see that the lettering on the door is now terribly smudged; we also see, in wet ink, on the seat of Norville's pants: senraB ellivroN tnediserP. Weakly, still cradled in Norville's arms: AMY I'm sorry we had to take the stairs. It was just that horrible little elevator boy... NORVILLE Not at all. You're light as a feather. AMY (pointing languorously) The couch, please. Still wheezing horribly, Norville staggers over to the couch and deposits her gently on it. He straightens up and looks at her. NORVILLE'S POV She is smiling wanly AT the CAMERA. The entire IMAGE PULSATES as the blood pounds behind Norville's eyeballs. We hear the LOUD, RASPING of his BREATH, resonating inside his head. Amy is talking but her voice is barely audible, as if coming from a long way away. BACK TO SCENE NORVILLE Just a minute. He perches drunkenly on the edge of the couch and puts his head between his knees, still fighting for breath. AMY I don't know what came over me. I suppose it was the shock of eating after so long without; the enzymes kicking in after so long, or whatever. But then you couldn't possibly know what it is to be tired and hungry... Speaking into his knees as he wheezes: NORVILLE Hungry, anyway. AMY I don't want to bore you with all the sordid details of my life; it's not a happy story... Norville rises and starts putting throw pillows behind her head. AMY ...Suffice it to say that I'm jobless -- though not for want of trying, that I'm friendless, with no one to -- thank you -- take care of me; and that had you not come along at just exactly the moment that you did -- She screams, staring down at the couch. Norville jumps, startled, then looks where she is looking. On the white sofa cushion where he had been sitting is printed, in wet ink, right side around: NORVILLE BARNES, President. AMY Norville, I didn't know you were president here! Norville stares dumbfounded at the sofa cushion. When the nickel finally drops, he spins around to try to look at the seat of his pants. Distracted but still modest: NORVILLE Oh, it's nothing really. Just determination and hard work... He unbuckles his trousers. NORVILLE ...Of course, when I started in the mailroom last Tuesday I thought it might take more time -- Buzz enters holding a brown paper bag. BUZZ Say, buddy, here's the whiskey you asked f -- He freezes, taking in the scene: Amy reclining on the couch; Norville standing in front of her with his pants around his ankles, still breathing heavily; the bottle of whiskey in his own hand. NORVILLE (flustered) Thank you, Buzz, just leave it on the desk. Leering: BUZZ Happy days, buddy... As he turns to leave: BUZZ ...and I'll tell your secretary you're not to be disturbed. Yowzuh!! He snaps the elastic strap under his chin. After the doors shut behind Buzz: AMY (shuddering) What a horrible little person. NORVILLE Oh, Buzz is pretty harmless, really -- AMY At any rate I arrived in town not ten days ago, full of dreams and aspirations, anxious to make my way in the world -- Norville pours a glass of whiskey and brings it over to her. AMY A little naive perhaps but -- thank you -- armed with determination, a solid work ethic, and an indomitable belief in the future -- NORVILLE I myself -- He crosses back to the desk. AMY Only to have that belief, that unsullied optimism, dashed against the marble and mortar of the modern work place -- Norville takes a cigarette from a large wood cigarette box on the desk and sticks it in his mouth. NORVILLE Cigarette? AMY No thank you. Seek and ye shall find, work and ye shall prosper -- these were the watch words of my education, the ethics of my tender years -- OVER NORVILLE'S SHOULDER He has been pushing the box towards her. The box tilts lazily forward and then disappears over the far lip of the desk. We hear the THUD of the BOX landing amid the pitter-patter of cigarettes raining onto the carpet. Amy's brow crinkles. Continuing: AMY -- these were the values that were instilled in me while I was growing up in a little town you've probably never heard of -- NORVILLE Mind if I join you? He is pouring himself a drink. AMY Be my guest. A little town you've probably -- He tosses back his drink, gags, looks at Amy with his eyes bulging. HIS POV Once again her IMAGE PULSATES. There is a ROARING SOUND and an AIRY STEAM WHISTLE as she silently moves her lips. NORVILLE He waves his arms and talks with a thick rasp as he staggers to his feet. NORVILLE Excuse me -- I -- executive washroom... He staggers out a side door. On his exit Amy leaps to her feet and scurries over to his desk. At the top of her voice: AMY Are you all right?... She throws open the top desk drawer. Inside two lonely lead pencils roll through the otherwise empty drawer. Amy expertly flips a cigarette into her mouth and strikes a match off the desktop. AMY ...Is it your lunch? The chicken a la king? From the washroom: NORVILLE (O.S.) No, I -- Amy throws open another drawer, empty except for an appointment book. As she hurriedly flips through page after blank page an arctic WIND WHISTLES emptiness. One page only has a notation: 11:45. Address Wilkie Grammar School Junior Achievers Club. AMY Is the a la king repeating on you? Amy shoves the appointment book back into the drawer. NORVILLE (O.S.) ...I'm fine, I... You were saying? She mutters: AMY Values... watchwords... uh, tender years... (aloud) -- A little town you've probably never heard of... She hastily stubs out her cigarette and waves her hand to disperse the smoke. AMY ...Muncie, Indiana. She scurries back across the room as we hear the FAUCET BEING TURNED OFF: she re-strikes her languid pose on the couch just as the washroom door opens. Norville gapes, one hand pressing a dripping rag to his forehead. NORVILLE You're from Muncie?! AMY Why yes, do you know it? Norville starts making pumping motions with his fists and loud syncopated grunting noises. Amy gapes at him. He starts singing, off-key: NORVILLE 'Fight on fight on dear old Muncie Fight on -- Hoist the gold and blue You'll be tattered, torn and hurtin' Once 'The Munce' is done with you!' Amy lamely fakes singing along, coming in louder on the last, obvious rhyme. Norville jumps an octave on it; she quickly follows sit, also pumping her fists. As Norville crosses his hands and locks thumbs in front of his nose to make bird wings of his extended fingers: NORVILLE ...Goooooooo Eagles! Amy awkwardly imitates. Norville excitedly sits behind his desk. NORVILLE ...A Muncie girl! Talk about the cat's pyjamas! Tell you what, Amy. I'm gonna cancel the rest of my appointments this afternoon and get you a job here at the Hud. AMY Oh, no, really, I -- NORVILLE Don't bother to thank me, it's the easiest thing in the world. Matter of fact, I know where a vacancy just came up. He hits the intercom. NORVILLE ...Mail room. To Amy: NORVILLE ...This'll only take a moment. INTERCOM (V.O.) Yeah? NORVILLE Good afternoon to ya, this is Norville Barnes -- INTERCOM (V.O.) Barnes! Where the hell have you been! And where's my voucher?! Norville thumps at his pockets. NORVILLE ...Well, I'm not sure where I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I need that voucher! I told you a week ago it was important! NORVILLE But look, I'm president of the company now and I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I don't care if you're president of the company! I need that voucher! Now! CLICK. The intercom goes dead. NORVILLE Oh, of all the foolish... Listen, do you take shorthand? Are you familiar with the mimeograph machine? AMY Of course -- I went to the Muncie, uh, Secretarial Polytechnic! Norville excitedly smacks a fist into a palm. NORVILLE -- A Muncie girl! Can you beat that! AMY Well, I just don't know how to thank you, Mr. Barnes -- NORVILLE Please! Norville! As he reaches to shake: NORVILLE ...It's my pleasure! She reaches for his hand but Norville snatches it away and, winking at her, hooks thumbs in front of his nose and makes wings of his fingers. NORVILLE ...Gooooooo Eagles! AMY likewise hooks her thumbs in front of her nose, makes wings, and, winking back: AMY Gooooooooo Eagles! But we PULL BACK to reveal that the girl is now in a newspaper office, demonstrating the fight sign to SMITTY, a reporter wearing a fedora with a bent-back brim. Smitty howls with laughter. SMITTY (wheezing) ...Once 'The Munce'... Holy... Amy sits down behind a typewriter and, as she starts typing at 80 words per minute: AMY And is this guy from chumpsville?! I pulled the old mother routine -- SMITTY Adenoids? AMY Lumbago. Behind her an ancient man wearing an inksman's visor and sleeve garters toils over a large checkerboarded surface over which he shuffles letter blocks and black spaces. Smitty gives a low whistle. SMITTY That gag's got whiskers on it! The PHONE RINGS and Smitty reaches for it. AMY I'm telling you, Smitty, the board of Hudsucker is up to something -- SMITTY (into phone) Yeah. ANCIENT PUZZLER Say, Amy, what's a six-letter word for an affliction of the hypothalmus? Without a break in her typing: AMY -- And it's a cinch -- Goiter -- it's a cinch this guy isn't in on it. How much time to make the Late Final? Smitty holds the phone away from his ear. SMITTY Chief. Still typing, Amy whistles and nods to her shoulder. Smitty tucks the phone into it as she continues typing. AMY Hiya, Chief, just the person I wanted to apologize to... Smitty is looking at his watch. SMITTY About seven minutes. AMY (still typing) Yeah, I was all wet about your idea man... Well, thanks for being so generous... It is human, and you are divine... No, he's no faker. He's the 100% real McCoy beware-of- imitations genuine article: the guy is a real moron -- To the Ancient Puzzler: AMY -- as in a five-letter word for imbecile -- Back into phone: AMY -- as pure a specimen as I've ever run across... Am I sure he's a nitwit? Heck, if working at the Argus doesn't make me an expert then my name isn't Amy Archer and I've never won the Pulitzer Prize... Her eyes narrow. AMY ...In 1957... My series on the reunited triplets -- come on down here, hammerhead, and I'll show it to ya... ANCIENT PUZZLER Amy, what's a three-letter word for a flightless bird? AMY Not now, Morris, I'm busy -- That's right, I said hammerhead, as in a ten-letter word for a smug bullying self-important newspaperman -- To Morris: AMY -- Gnu -- Into phone: AMY -- who couldn't find -- To Morris: AMY -- That's G-N-U -- Into phone: AMY -- couldn't find the Empire State Building with a compass, a road map and a native guide. To Morris: AMY -- or emu. She slams down the phone. To Smitty: AMY ...And that's just the potatoes, Smitty, here comes the gravy: The chump really likes me. A Muncie girl! Smitty bursts out laughing. SMITTY Better off falling for a rattlesnake. As she continues to type: AMY I'm tellin' ya, this guy's just the patsy and I'm gonna find out what for. There's a real story, Smitty, some kind of plot, a setup, a cabal, a -- oh, and say, did I tell ya?! SMITTY He didn't offer you money. AMY A sawbuck! SMITTY Ten dollars? Let's grab a highball! AMY On Norville Barnes! She rips the page out of the typewriter, swivels in her chair to FACE CAMERA as we TRACK IN CLOSE and she hollers: AMY ...Copy! DISSOLVE THROUGH TO: PRESSES rolling, churning out great quantities of newsprint. Papers piling up one on top of the other, very many, very quickly. DELIVERY MAN throwing a baled stack of papers off the back of his truck. BALED PAPER rolling into the f.g. A hand ENTERS FRAME to snip its wires and wipe off the top paper. PAPER BOY wearing an apron and a little paper boy cap, mouthing "Extra! Extra!" as he holds one of the papers aloft. PAN UP his arm TO the newspaper and, BEYOND it, the towering Hudsucker Building. All of the above -- DISSOLVING WITH: NEWSPAPER spinning TOWARDS the CAMERA and STOPPING FULL FRAME. Its headline, over a picture of Norville smiling, is "IMBECILE HEADS HUDSUCKER." The subheadline: "Not a Brain in his Head." ANOTHER ANGLE - NEWSPAPER is angrily slammed down to reveal that Norville has been reading the inside. His face twisting with fury, he leans forward and hits the intercom. NORVILLE Miss Smith, can you come in please to take a letter... Muttering to himself: NORVILLE ...of all the cockamamie... Amy is bustling in holding a steno pad and a pencil. As she seats herself in front of his desk, he rises to pace behind it. NORVILLE ...Did you happen to see the front page of today's Manhattan Argus? AMY Well, I... didn't bother to read the article. I didn't think the picture did you justice. NORVILLE The picture was fine! It's what that knuckle-headed dame wrote underneath! Of all the irresponsible... Amy, take this down: Dear Miss Archer. I call you 'Miss' because you seem to have 'missed' the boat completely on this one! How on earth would you know whether I'm an imbecile when you don't even have the guts to come in here and interview me man to man! No, change 'guts' to 'courage.' No, make it 'common decency.' These wild speculations about my intelligence -- AMY -- or lack thereof? NORVILLE (nodding) -- these preposterous inventions, would be better suited to the pages of Amazing Tales Magazine. If the editors of the Manhattan Argus see fit to publish the rantings of a disordered mind, perhaps they will see fit to publish this letter! But I doubt it. I most seriously doubt it. As I doubt also that you could find a home at Amazing Tales, a periodical which I have enjoyed for many years. Yours sincerely, et cetera. He drifts into thought. AMY Is that all, Mr. Barnes? NORVILLE ...Well, you know me, Amy, at least better than that that dame does. Do you think I'm an imbecile? AMY I'm sure I -- NORVILLE Go on, tell the truth; I trust you and I put a lot of stock in your opinion. AMY Well, I -- NORVILLE Oh sure, you're biased -- you're a fellow Muncian. But would an imbecile come up with this? He whips the cover sheet off a display pad resting on an easel to reveal a large piece of graph paper with a circle rendered onto it. Amy looks, puzzled, from the circle to Norville's proudly beaming face. NORVILLE ...I designed it myself and this is just the sweet baby that can put Hudsucker right back on top. Amy is bewildered. Norville explains: NORVILLE ...You know! For kids! AMY ...Why don't I just type this up... NORVILLE Aww, naw, Amy, that won't be necessary. I shouldn't send it; she's just doing her job, I guess. AMY Well, I don't know; maybe she does deserve it. Maybe she should've come in to face you man to man. NORVILLE Well, she probably had a deadline... AMY Sure, but -- she could still have gotten your side for the record! NORVILLE Well, it's done now -- what's the use of grousing about it. Forget the letter, Amy, I just had to blow off some steam... She gets up to leave, and is heading for the door when Norville adds: NORVILLE ...She's probably just a little confused. Amy turns at the door. AMY Confused? NORVILLE Yeah, you know, probably one of these fast-talking career gals, thinks she's one of the boys. Probably is one of the boys, if you know what I mean. AMY (through clenched teeth) I'm quite sure I don't know what you mean. NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Suffers from one of these complexes they have nowadays. Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it? She's probably very unattractive and bitter about it. AMY Oh, is that it! NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Probably dresses in men's clothing, swaps drinks with the guys at the local watering hole, and hobnobs with some smooth talking heel in the newsroom named Biff or Smoocher or... AMY Smitty. NORVILLE Exactly. And I bet she's ugly. Real ugly. Otherwise, why wouldn't they print her picture next to her byline? AMY Maybe she puts her work ahead of her personal appearance. NORVILLE I bet that's exactly what she tells herself! But you and I both know she's just a dried-up bitter old maid. Say, how about you and I grab a little dinner and a show after work? I was thinking maybe The King and I -- Whap! Amy slaps him. He stares. NORVILLE ...How about Oklahoma? As she stalks out of the office: AMY Norville Barnes, you don't know a thing about that woman! You don't know who she really is! And only a numbskull thinks he knows things about things he knows nothing about! He stares, rubbing his cheek. NORVILLE Say, what gives? WHISTLE SHRIEKING. SWISH PAN TO: CLOCK Reading five o'clock. SWISH PAN TO: WORKERS Rising from their desks, collecting personal effects, putting on their hats and coats. TIME CLOCK Busy hands punch out. INT. EMPTY HALLWAY Of the executive floor. A security man walks down the hall, whistling, swinging a ring of keys. After he passes the door to the ladies' room it opens, Amy peeks out, emerges, goes into Norville's office. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE She goes to the desk, takes out the appointment book, flips through it. BOOK Still empty except for the one date with the Wilkie Grammer School Junior Achievers Club, which now has a red line drawn across it with the notation CANCELED. AMY looks around the office -- notices something. DOOR Set into the wall to one side it is topped by a small plaque: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. Amy tries the knob, which turns, and enters. INT. ROOM It is big and dim, several stories high, with spiral staircases reaching into, and catwalks criss-crossing, the gloom above. It is filled with contraptions -- works, cogs, gears. There is no window, but on what would be the window wall there is an enormous iron ring with a metal rod sweeping an interior circle. It is the backside of the great Hudsucker clock. Amy gazes about. She crosses to a door opposite the one she entered from. She stoops to peek through its keyhole. HER POV We are LOOKING INTO Sidney J. Mussburger's office. Mussburger sits at his desk barking into a Dictaphone. CLICK-CLICK-CLICK -- the PERPETUAL MOTION BALLS on his desk are going full-tilt; THRUMMMMMMM -- the CLOCK'S exterior second hand sweeps a shadow across the office. Mussburger, it seems, never sleeps. MUSSBURGER Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A49. To: Director of the Jacksonville Facility. Copies to: Legal Affairs, Business Affairs, Central Files. Re: Movement of Raw Materials from the Huron Facility. Due to unfavorable news in the slag markets, Jacksonville inventory must be reduced by 15 percent with overflow diverted to the Waukegan Stamping Facility. Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A50. To: Director of -- BACK TO SCENE VOICE (O.S.) Watchoo doin' down they, Miss Archuh? AMY Huh?! She straightens and turns. Facing her is a very old BLACK MAN in a janitor's jumpsuit with HUDSUCKER INDUSTRIES/The Future Is Now emblazoned across it. We might recognize his voice as that of the narrator who opened the movie. AMY Who are you? How did you know who I am? MOSES (BLACK MAN) Ah guess ole Moses knows jes about ever'thing, leastways if it concerns Hudsuckuh. AMY But -- who are you -- what d'you do here? MOSES Ah keeps the ol' circle turning -- this ol' clock needs plenty o' care. Time is money, Miss Archuh, and money -- it drives that ol' global economy and keeps big Daddy Earth a-spinnin' on 'roun'. Ya see, without that capital fo'mation -- AMY Yeah, yeah. Say, you won't tell anyone about me, will you? MOSES I don't tell no one nothin' lessen they ask. Thatches ain't ole Moses' way. AMY So if you know everything about Hudsucker, tell me why the Board decided to make Norville Barnes president. MOSES Well, that even surprised ole Moses at fust. I didn't think the Board was that smart. AMY That smart?! MOSES But then I figured it out: they did it 'cause they figured young Norville for an imbecile. Like some othuh people ah know. AMY Why on earth would they want a nitwit to be president? MOSES 'Cause they's little pigglies! They's tryin' to inspire panic, make that stock git cheap so's they can snitch it all up fo' themselves! But Norville, he's got some tricks up his sleeve, he does... He draws a circle with his finger in the air. MOSES ...you know, fo' kids? Yeah, he's a smart one, that Norville, heh-heh, he's a caution. Wal, some folks is square, an' some is hip -- To punctuate, he gives a little jerk of his hips. MOSES ...But I guess you don't really know him any better than that board does, do ya, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, maybe I -- MOSES An' only some kind a knucklehead thinks she knows things 'bout things she, uh -- when she don't, uh -- How'd that go? AMY (bristling) It's hardly the same -- MOSES Why you don't even know y'own self -- you ain't exactly the genuine article are you, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, in connection with my job, sometimes I have to go undercover as it were -- MOSES I don't mean that! Why you pretendin' to be such a hard ol' sourpuss! Ain't never gonna make you happy! Never made Warin' happy. AMY (uncomfortably) I'm happy enough. MOSES (chuckles) Okay, Miss Archuh. (turns and walks away) ...I got gears to see to. AMY (calls after him) I'm plenty happy! She is answered only by WHIRRING MACHINERY. MOSES Elsewhere in the great room, he is hunkered down next to a catchment which he buffs with a greasy rag. Amy's VOICE ECHOES UP: AMY (O.S.) ...Hello? MOSES (muttering to himself) Them po' young folks. Looks like Norville's in fo' the same kind o' heartache ol' Warin' had. But then, she never axed me 'bout dat... As OMINOUS MUSIC SWELLS, we -- FADE OUT: FADE IN: INT. CHIEF'S OFFICE He slams down a typescript. CHIEF I can't print this! AMY Why not, it's all true! The board is using this poor guy! They're depressing the stock so they can buy it cheap! CHIEF It's pure speculation! Why, they'd have my butt in a satchel! SMITTY (chuckling) Ol' satchel-butt... AMY I know they're gonna buy that stock -- CHIEF You don't know anything! Fact is they haven't bought it! The stock is cheap, Archer! What're they waiting for? AMY I don't know... SMITTY Amy's hunches are usually pretty good, Chief. CHIEF You don't accuse someone of stock manipulation on a hunch, Ignatz! The readers of the Manhattan Argus aren't interested in sensationalism, gossip and unsupported speculation. Facts, figures -- those are the tools of the newspaper trade! Why it's almost as if you're trying to take the heat off this Barnes numbskull -- like you've gone all soft on him! SMITTY Come on, Chief, that's a low blow. Archer's not gonna go goey for a corn-fed idiot. CHIEF All right, I was out of line. But you're out of line with this stock swindle story. Gimme some more of that Moron-from-Sheboygan stuff -- AMY Muncie. CHIEF Whatever. That's what sells newspapers. AMY I've got an even hotter story -- The Sap from the City Desk. CHIEF Watch it, Archer -- AMY It's about a dimwitted editor who -- SMITTY Easy, Amy... He gives her a companionable goose. SMITTY ...Let's grab a highball and calm down. She whirls and slaps him. AMY Back off -- smoocher! Smitty rubs his cheek, staring as she storms off. SMITTY (angry) Say, what gives? ENGRAVED INVITATION IT READS: Sidney J. Mussburger President Norville Barnes and The Board of Hudsucker Industries CORDIALLY INVITE YOU TO The Annual Fancy-Dress Hudsucker Christmas Gala Music, Dancing, Refreshments (Dainties) Formal Evening Attire de Rigeuer. The MUSIC OVER the invitation -- "WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS" -- SEGUES INTO the dance music of the Hudsucker Chamber Orchestra. DANCING COUPLES FILL the SCREEN; we GLIDE AMONG them and FINALLY COME to follow one couple: Norville and MRS. MUSSBURGER, a large middle-aged woman of the Margaret Dumont-mold in an elaborately flowered and old-fashioned evening gown, low-cut in spite of her overly-heavy figure. She wears a large flowered hat with a rolled-up veil. MRS. MUSSBURGER -- So we'd gone out to the Hamptons and the garden was in positive ruins! NORVILLE That must have been quite a disappointment, Mrs. Mussburger. MRS. MUSSBURGER Disappointment? J'etais destroyee! I was in bed for a week! Positively sick with fury! I called in the gardener and said, 'Monsieur Gonzalez, either those azaleas come up next spring or you are terminee! She throws her head back and roars with laughter. ANGLE - THEIR FEET As the large woman leans back to laugh, her feet stay planted on the ground and Norville's rise to be dragged with his toes scraping the floor through the continuing dance. MRS. MUSSBURGER I'm brushing up on my French with the most charming man, Pierre of Fifth Avenue. Do you know him? NORVILLE I haven't had -- MRS. MUSSBURGER Sidney and I are planning a trip to Paris and points continental -- Aren't we, dear? Mussburger has ENTERED FRAME. MUSSBURGER Sure, sure. I'm going to borrow Norville for a while, if you don't mind, dear. MIXING DOWN as they leave her: MRS. MUSSBURGER Well, frankly, I... NORVILLE You have a charming wife, Mr. Muss -- uh, Sid. MUSSBURGER So they tell me. Norville, let me shepherd you through some of the introductions here. Try not to talk too much; some of our biggest stockholders are, uh -- scratch that: Say whatever you want. ENTRYWAY As Amy enters in a simple yet stunning evening gown. She looks around the room, then starts across the crowded floor towards the punch bowl. NORVILLE As Mussburger introduces him to a tall, imposing BUSINESSMAN in a tuxedo and a ten-gallon hat. MUSSBURGER Norville Barnes, allow me to introduce Mr. Zebulon Cardozo, one of Hudsucker Industries largest and most loyal stockholders. Ignoring Norville's proffered hand: CARDOZO (BUSINESSMAN) Dammit boy, what's this I hear about you bein' an embecile? What the hell is ailin' ya?! A week ago my stock was worth twice what it is now! I'm considering dumping the whole shootin' match, unless I see some vast improvement! Dammit, boy, It's a range war! Either you pull our wagons into a circle or I'm pullin' out of the wagon train! Norville gives him a forced but hearty laugh of reassurance. NORVILLE No need for concern, sir; it's only natural in a period of transition for the more timid element to run for cover -- CARDOZO So I'm yella, am I?!! He starts peeling off his tuxedo jacket: CARDOZO ...We'll see who's yella!! His WIFE, a small wiry woman, steps in as Mussburger starts dragging Norville away. MRS. CARDOZO Zebulon, you mind now and quit bein' sech an ole grizzly. As he reluctantly starts shrugging back into the jacket: CARDOZO Aww, I wasn't gonna hurt the boy, Lorelei... MUSSBURGER AND NORVILLE As they make their way through the room Norville is mopping at his brow with a handkerchief. NORVILLE I'm sorry, Sid, I thought maybe if I showed him the long view we might -- Thump! Dabbing at his brow, Norville has walked square into the back of a debonaire man

liberty

How many times the word 'liberty' appears in the text?

(O.S.) He don't look wise. As Norville turns to leave: VETERAN #2 (O.S.) How does she pull this out? She puts the back of her hand dramatically to her forehead. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) (disbelieving) She isn't! VETERAN #2 (O.S.) (thrilled) She is! And indeed she does: Faint dead away, falling backwards on the stool, so that Norville has no choice but to catch her. Norville holds her awkwardly, looking around for help. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) She's good, Bennie. VETERAN #2 (O.S.) She's damn good, Lou. A WAITRESS enters extreme f.g. to BLOCK OUR VIEW of the swooned woman and the embarrassed Norville. The Waitress is FACING the CAMERA and the two O.S. Veterans; the CROPPING gives us only her torso and the steaming pot of coffee she holds. WAITRESS (bored, nasal voice) Can I get you boys anything else? REVERSE ANGLE Back of the Waitress's torso in f.g.; on either side beyond her, the two Veterans are looking up at her O.S. face. They sport extremely bored expressions, topped by "cabbie" caps. VETERAN #1 Bromo. Beat. VETERAN #2 ...Bromo. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE Looking at its frosted-glass door; the sign painter is just finishing lettering in: NORVILLE BARNES, President. The sign painter makes way as we see Norville's shadow approaching; even from inside the room we can hear that he is WHEEZING HEAVILY. He is apparently carrying the girl, cradled in his arms. He tries to reach down to get the doorknob; can't manage it; turns to press his back against the door and get the knob with his other hand. The door opens as Norville swings around to enter. He is wheezing like a gas pipe about to explode. He swings around to kick the door shut. We see that the lettering on the door is now terribly smudged; we also see, in wet ink, on the seat of Norville's pants: senraB ellivroN tnediserP. Weakly, still cradled in Norville's arms: AMY I'm sorry we had to take the stairs. It was just that horrible little elevator boy... NORVILLE Not at all. You're light as a feather. AMY (pointing languorously) The couch, please. Still wheezing horribly, Norville staggers over to the couch and deposits her gently on it. He straightens up and looks at her. NORVILLE'S POV She is smiling wanly AT the CAMERA. The entire IMAGE PULSATES as the blood pounds behind Norville's eyeballs. We hear the LOUD, RASPING of his BREATH, resonating inside his head. Amy is talking but her voice is barely audible, as if coming from a long way away. BACK TO SCENE NORVILLE Just a minute. He perches drunkenly on the edge of the couch and puts his head between his knees, still fighting for breath. AMY I don't know what came over me. I suppose it was the shock of eating after so long without; the enzymes kicking in after so long, or whatever. But then you couldn't possibly know what it is to be tired and hungry... Speaking into his knees as he wheezes: NORVILLE Hungry, anyway. AMY I don't want to bore you with all the sordid details of my life; it's not a happy story... Norville rises and starts putting throw pillows behind her head. AMY ...Suffice it to say that I'm jobless -- though not for want of trying, that I'm friendless, with no one to -- thank you -- take care of me; and that had you not come along at just exactly the moment that you did -- She screams, staring down at the couch. Norville jumps, startled, then looks where she is looking. On the white sofa cushion where he had been sitting is printed, in wet ink, right side around: NORVILLE BARNES, President. AMY Norville, I didn't know you were president here! Norville stares dumbfounded at the sofa cushion. When the nickel finally drops, he spins around to try to look at the seat of his pants. Distracted but still modest: NORVILLE Oh, it's nothing really. Just determination and hard work... He unbuckles his trousers. NORVILLE ...Of course, when I started in the mailroom last Tuesday I thought it might take more time -- Buzz enters holding a brown paper bag. BUZZ Say, buddy, here's the whiskey you asked f -- He freezes, taking in the scene: Amy reclining on the couch; Norville standing in front of her with his pants around his ankles, still breathing heavily; the bottle of whiskey in his own hand. NORVILLE (flustered) Thank you, Buzz, just leave it on the desk. Leering: BUZZ Happy days, buddy... As he turns to leave: BUZZ ...and I'll tell your secretary you're not to be disturbed. Yowzuh!! He snaps the elastic strap under his chin. After the doors shut behind Buzz: AMY (shuddering) What a horrible little person. NORVILLE Oh, Buzz is pretty harmless, really -- AMY At any rate I arrived in town not ten days ago, full of dreams and aspirations, anxious to make my way in the world -- Norville pours a glass of whiskey and brings it over to her. AMY A little naive perhaps but -- thank you -- armed with determination, a solid work ethic, and an indomitable belief in the future -- NORVILLE I myself -- He crosses back to the desk. AMY Only to have that belief, that unsullied optimism, dashed against the marble and mortar of the modern work place -- Norville takes a cigarette from a large wood cigarette box on the desk and sticks it in his mouth. NORVILLE Cigarette? AMY No thank you. Seek and ye shall find, work and ye shall prosper -- these were the watch words of my education, the ethics of my tender years -- OVER NORVILLE'S SHOULDER He has been pushing the box towards her. The box tilts lazily forward and then disappears over the far lip of the desk. We hear the THUD of the BOX landing amid the pitter-patter of cigarettes raining onto the carpet. Amy's brow crinkles. Continuing: AMY -- these were the values that were instilled in me while I was growing up in a little town you've probably never heard of -- NORVILLE Mind if I join you? He is pouring himself a drink. AMY Be my guest. A little town you've probably -- He tosses back his drink, gags, looks at Amy with his eyes bulging. HIS POV Once again her IMAGE PULSATES. There is a ROARING SOUND and an AIRY STEAM WHISTLE as she silently moves her lips. NORVILLE He waves his arms and talks with a thick rasp as he staggers to his feet. NORVILLE Excuse me -- I -- executive washroom... He staggers out a side door. On his exit Amy leaps to her feet and scurries over to his desk. At the top of her voice: AMY Are you all right?... She throws open the top desk drawer. Inside two lonely lead pencils roll through the otherwise empty drawer. Amy expertly flips a cigarette into her mouth and strikes a match off the desktop. AMY ...Is it your lunch? The chicken a la king? From the washroom: NORVILLE (O.S.) No, I -- Amy throws open another drawer, empty except for an appointment book. As she hurriedly flips through page after blank page an arctic WIND WHISTLES emptiness. One page only has a notation: 11:45. Address Wilkie Grammar School Junior Achievers Club. AMY Is the a la king repeating on you? Amy shoves the appointment book back into the drawer. NORVILLE (O.S.) ...I'm fine, I... You were saying? She mutters: AMY Values... watchwords... uh, tender years... (aloud) -- A little town you've probably never heard of... She hastily stubs out her cigarette and waves her hand to disperse the smoke. AMY ...Muncie, Indiana. She scurries back across the room as we hear the FAUCET BEING TURNED OFF: she re-strikes her languid pose on the couch just as the washroom door opens. Norville gapes, one hand pressing a dripping rag to his forehead. NORVILLE You're from Muncie?! AMY Why yes, do you know it? Norville starts making pumping motions with his fists and loud syncopated grunting noises. Amy gapes at him. He starts singing, off-key: NORVILLE 'Fight on fight on dear old Muncie Fight on -- Hoist the gold and blue You'll be tattered, torn and hurtin' Once 'The Munce' is done with you!' Amy lamely fakes singing along, coming in louder on the last, obvious rhyme. Norville jumps an octave on it; she quickly follows sit, also pumping her fists. As Norville crosses his hands and locks thumbs in front of his nose to make bird wings of his extended fingers: NORVILLE ...Goooooooo Eagles! Amy awkwardly imitates. Norville excitedly sits behind his desk. NORVILLE ...A Muncie girl! Talk about the cat's pyjamas! Tell you what, Amy. I'm gonna cancel the rest of my appointments this afternoon and get you a job here at the Hud. AMY Oh, no, really, I -- NORVILLE Don't bother to thank me, it's the easiest thing in the world. Matter of fact, I know where a vacancy just came up. He hits the intercom. NORVILLE ...Mail room. To Amy: NORVILLE ...This'll only take a moment. INTERCOM (V.O.) Yeah? NORVILLE Good afternoon to ya, this is Norville Barnes -- INTERCOM (V.O.) Barnes! Where the hell have you been! And where's my voucher?! Norville thumps at his pockets. NORVILLE ...Well, I'm not sure where I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I need that voucher! I told you a week ago it was important! NORVILLE But look, I'm president of the company now and I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I don't care if you're president of the company! I need that voucher! Now! CLICK. The intercom goes dead. NORVILLE Oh, of all the foolish... Listen, do you take shorthand? Are you familiar with the mimeograph machine? AMY Of course -- I went to the Muncie, uh, Secretarial Polytechnic! Norville excitedly smacks a fist into a palm. NORVILLE -- A Muncie girl! Can you beat that! AMY Well, I just don't know how to thank you, Mr. Barnes -- NORVILLE Please! Norville! As he reaches to shake: NORVILLE ...It's my pleasure! She reaches for his hand but Norville snatches it away and, winking at her, hooks thumbs in front of his nose and makes wings of his fingers. NORVILLE ...Gooooooo Eagles! AMY likewise hooks her thumbs in front of her nose, makes wings, and, winking back: AMY Gooooooooo Eagles! But we PULL BACK to reveal that the girl is now in a newspaper office, demonstrating the fight sign to SMITTY, a reporter wearing a fedora with a bent-back brim. Smitty howls with laughter. SMITTY (wheezing) ...Once 'The Munce'... Holy... Amy sits down behind a typewriter and, as she starts typing at 80 words per minute: AMY And is this guy from chumpsville?! I pulled the old mother routine -- SMITTY Adenoids? AMY Lumbago. Behind her an ancient man wearing an inksman's visor and sleeve garters toils over a large checkerboarded surface over which he shuffles letter blocks and black spaces. Smitty gives a low whistle. SMITTY That gag's got whiskers on it! The PHONE RINGS and Smitty reaches for it. AMY I'm telling you, Smitty, the board of Hudsucker is up to something -- SMITTY (into phone) Yeah. ANCIENT PUZZLER Say, Amy, what's a six-letter word for an affliction of the hypothalmus? Without a break in her typing: AMY -- And it's a cinch -- Goiter -- it's a cinch this guy isn't in on it. How much time to make the Late Final? Smitty holds the phone away from his ear. SMITTY Chief. Still typing, Amy whistles and nods to her shoulder. Smitty tucks the phone into it as she continues typing. AMY Hiya, Chief, just the person I wanted to apologize to... Smitty is looking at his watch. SMITTY About seven minutes. AMY (still typing) Yeah, I was all wet about your idea man... Well, thanks for being so generous... It is human, and you are divine... No, he's no faker. He's the 100% real McCoy beware-of- imitations genuine article: the guy is a real moron -- To the Ancient Puzzler: AMY -- as in a five-letter word for imbecile -- Back into phone: AMY -- as pure a specimen as I've ever run across... Am I sure he's a nitwit? Heck, if working at the Argus doesn't make me an expert then my name isn't Amy Archer and I've never won the Pulitzer Prize... Her eyes narrow. AMY ...In 1957... My series on the reunited triplets -- come on down here, hammerhead, and I'll show it to ya... ANCIENT PUZZLER Amy, what's a three-letter word for a flightless bird? AMY Not now, Morris, I'm busy -- That's right, I said hammerhead, as in a ten-letter word for a smug bullying self-important newspaperman -- To Morris: AMY -- Gnu -- Into phone: AMY -- who couldn't find -- To Morris: AMY -- That's G-N-U -- Into phone: AMY -- couldn't find the Empire State Building with a compass, a road map and a native guide. To Morris: AMY -- or emu. She slams down the phone. To Smitty: AMY ...And that's just the potatoes, Smitty, here comes the gravy: The chump really likes me. A Muncie girl! Smitty bursts out laughing. SMITTY Better off falling for a rattlesnake. As she continues to type: AMY I'm tellin' ya, this guy's just the patsy and I'm gonna find out what for. There's a real story, Smitty, some kind of plot, a setup, a cabal, a -- oh, and say, did I tell ya?! SMITTY He didn't offer you money. AMY A sawbuck! SMITTY Ten dollars? Let's grab a highball! AMY On Norville Barnes! She rips the page out of the typewriter, swivels in her chair to FACE CAMERA as we TRACK IN CLOSE and she hollers: AMY ...Copy! DISSOLVE THROUGH TO: PRESSES rolling, churning out great quantities of newsprint. Papers piling up one on top of the other, very many, very quickly. DELIVERY MAN throwing a baled stack of papers off the back of his truck. BALED PAPER rolling into the f.g. A hand ENTERS FRAME to snip its wires and wipe off the top paper. PAPER BOY wearing an apron and a little paper boy cap, mouthing "Extra! Extra!" as he holds one of the papers aloft. PAN UP his arm TO the newspaper and, BEYOND it, the towering Hudsucker Building. All of the above -- DISSOLVING WITH: NEWSPAPER spinning TOWARDS the CAMERA and STOPPING FULL FRAME. Its headline, over a picture of Norville smiling, is "IMBECILE HEADS HUDSUCKER." The subheadline: "Not a Brain in his Head." ANOTHER ANGLE - NEWSPAPER is angrily slammed down to reveal that Norville has been reading the inside. His face twisting with fury, he leans forward and hits the intercom. NORVILLE Miss Smith, can you come in please to take a letter... Muttering to himself: NORVILLE ...of all the cockamamie... Amy is bustling in holding a steno pad and a pencil. As she seats herself in front of his desk, he rises to pace behind it. NORVILLE ...Did you happen to see the front page of today's Manhattan Argus? AMY Well, I... didn't bother to read the article. I didn't think the picture did you justice. NORVILLE The picture was fine! It's what that knuckle-headed dame wrote underneath! Of all the irresponsible... Amy, take this down: Dear Miss Archer. I call you 'Miss' because you seem to have 'missed' the boat completely on this one! How on earth would you know whether I'm an imbecile when you don't even have the guts to come in here and interview me man to man! No, change 'guts' to 'courage.' No, make it 'common decency.' These wild speculations about my intelligence -- AMY -- or lack thereof? NORVILLE (nodding) -- these preposterous inventions, would be better suited to the pages of Amazing Tales Magazine. If the editors of the Manhattan Argus see fit to publish the rantings of a disordered mind, perhaps they will see fit to publish this letter! But I doubt it. I most seriously doubt it. As I doubt also that you could find a home at Amazing Tales, a periodical which I have enjoyed for many years. Yours sincerely, et cetera. He drifts into thought. AMY Is that all, Mr. Barnes? NORVILLE ...Well, you know me, Amy, at least better than that that dame does. Do you think I'm an imbecile? AMY I'm sure I -- NORVILLE Go on, tell the truth; I trust you and I put a lot of stock in your opinion. AMY Well, I -- NORVILLE Oh sure, you're biased -- you're a fellow Muncian. But would an imbecile come up with this? He whips the cover sheet off a display pad resting on an easel to reveal a large piece of graph paper with a circle rendered onto it. Amy looks, puzzled, from the circle to Norville's proudly beaming face. NORVILLE ...I designed it myself and this is just the sweet baby that can put Hudsucker right back on top. Amy is bewildered. Norville explains: NORVILLE ...You know! For kids! AMY ...Why don't I just type this up... NORVILLE Aww, naw, Amy, that won't be necessary. I shouldn't send it; she's just doing her job, I guess. AMY Well, I don't know; maybe she does deserve it. Maybe she should've come in to face you man to man. NORVILLE Well, she probably had a deadline... AMY Sure, but -- she could still have gotten your side for the record! NORVILLE Well, it's done now -- what's the use of grousing about it. Forget the letter, Amy, I just had to blow off some steam... She gets up to leave, and is heading for the door when Norville adds: NORVILLE ...She's probably just a little confused. Amy turns at the door. AMY Confused? NORVILLE Yeah, you know, probably one of these fast-talking career gals, thinks she's one of the boys. Probably is one of the boys, if you know what I mean. AMY (through clenched teeth) I'm quite sure I don't know what you mean. NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Suffers from one of these complexes they have nowadays. Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it? She's probably very unattractive and bitter about it. AMY Oh, is that it! NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Probably dresses in men's clothing, swaps drinks with the guys at the local watering hole, and hobnobs with some smooth talking heel in the newsroom named Biff or Smoocher or... AMY Smitty. NORVILLE Exactly. And I bet she's ugly. Real ugly. Otherwise, why wouldn't they print her picture next to her byline? AMY Maybe she puts her work ahead of her personal appearance. NORVILLE I bet that's exactly what she tells herself! But you and I both know she's just a dried-up bitter old maid. Say, how about you and I grab a little dinner and a show after work? I was thinking maybe The King and I -- Whap! Amy slaps him. He stares. NORVILLE ...How about Oklahoma? As she stalks out of the office: AMY Norville Barnes, you don't know a thing about that woman! You don't know who she really is! And only a numbskull thinks he knows things about things he knows nothing about! He stares, rubbing his cheek. NORVILLE Say, what gives? WHISTLE SHRIEKING. SWISH PAN TO: CLOCK Reading five o'clock. SWISH PAN TO: WORKERS Rising from their desks, collecting personal effects, putting on their hats and coats. TIME CLOCK Busy hands punch out. INT. EMPTY HALLWAY Of the executive floor. A security man walks down the hall, whistling, swinging a ring of keys. After he passes the door to the ladies' room it opens, Amy peeks out, emerges, goes into Norville's office. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE She goes to the desk, takes out the appointment book, flips through it. BOOK Still empty except for the one date with the Wilkie Grammer School Junior Achievers Club, which now has a red line drawn across it with the notation CANCELED. AMY looks around the office -- notices something. DOOR Set into the wall to one side it is topped by a small plaque: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. Amy tries the knob, which turns, and enters. INT. ROOM It is big and dim, several stories high, with spiral staircases reaching into, and catwalks criss-crossing, the gloom above. It is filled with contraptions -- works, cogs, gears. There is no window, but on what would be the window wall there is an enormous iron ring with a metal rod sweeping an interior circle. It is the backside of the great Hudsucker clock. Amy gazes about. She crosses to a door opposite the one she entered from. She stoops to peek through its keyhole. HER POV We are LOOKING INTO Sidney J. Mussburger's office. Mussburger sits at his desk barking into a Dictaphone. CLICK-CLICK-CLICK -- the PERPETUAL MOTION BALLS on his desk are going full-tilt; THRUMMMMMMM -- the CLOCK'S exterior second hand sweeps a shadow across the office. Mussburger, it seems, never sleeps. MUSSBURGER Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A49. To: Director of the Jacksonville Facility. Copies to: Legal Affairs, Business Affairs, Central Files. Re: Movement of Raw Materials from the Huron Facility. Due to unfavorable news in the slag markets, Jacksonville inventory must be reduced by 15 percent with overflow diverted to the Waukegan Stamping Facility. Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A50. To: Director of -- BACK TO SCENE VOICE (O.S.) Watchoo doin' down they, Miss Archuh? AMY Huh?! She straightens and turns. Facing her is a very old BLACK MAN in a janitor's jumpsuit with HUDSUCKER INDUSTRIES/The Future Is Now emblazoned across it. We might recognize his voice as that of the narrator who opened the movie. AMY Who are you? How did you know who I am? MOSES (BLACK MAN) Ah guess ole Moses knows jes about ever'thing, leastways if it concerns Hudsuckuh. AMY But -- who are you -- what d'you do here? MOSES Ah keeps the ol' circle turning -- this ol' clock needs plenty o' care. Time is money, Miss Archuh, and money -- it drives that ol' global economy and keeps big Daddy Earth a-spinnin' on 'roun'. Ya see, without that capital fo'mation -- AMY Yeah, yeah. Say, you won't tell anyone about me, will you? MOSES I don't tell no one nothin' lessen they ask. Thatches ain't ole Moses' way. AMY So if you know everything about Hudsucker, tell me why the Board decided to make Norville Barnes president. MOSES Well, that even surprised ole Moses at fust. I didn't think the Board was that smart. AMY That smart?! MOSES But then I figured it out: they did it 'cause they figured young Norville for an imbecile. Like some othuh people ah know. AMY Why on earth would they want a nitwit to be president? MOSES 'Cause they's little pigglies! They's tryin' to inspire panic, make that stock git cheap so's they can snitch it all up fo' themselves! But Norville, he's got some tricks up his sleeve, he does... He draws a circle with his finger in the air. MOSES ...you know, fo' kids? Yeah, he's a smart one, that Norville, heh-heh, he's a caution. Wal, some folks is square, an' some is hip -- To punctuate, he gives a little jerk of his hips. MOSES ...But I guess you don't really know him any better than that board does, do ya, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, maybe I -- MOSES An' only some kind a knucklehead thinks she knows things 'bout things she, uh -- when she don't, uh -- How'd that go? AMY (bristling) It's hardly the same -- MOSES Why you don't even know y'own self -- you ain't exactly the genuine article are you, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, in connection with my job, sometimes I have to go undercover as it were -- MOSES I don't mean that! Why you pretendin' to be such a hard ol' sourpuss! Ain't never gonna make you happy! Never made Warin' happy. AMY (uncomfortably) I'm happy enough. MOSES (chuckles) Okay, Miss Archuh. (turns and walks away) ...I got gears to see to. AMY (calls after him) I'm plenty happy! She is answered only by WHIRRING MACHINERY. MOSES Elsewhere in the great room, he is hunkered down next to a catchment which he buffs with a greasy rag. Amy's VOICE ECHOES UP: AMY (O.S.) ...Hello? MOSES (muttering to himself) Them po' young folks. Looks like Norville's in fo' the same kind o' heartache ol' Warin' had. But then, she never axed me 'bout dat... As OMINOUS MUSIC SWELLS, we -- FADE OUT: FADE IN: INT. CHIEF'S OFFICE He slams down a typescript. CHIEF I can't print this! AMY Why not, it's all true! The board is using this poor guy! They're depressing the stock so they can buy it cheap! CHIEF It's pure speculation! Why, they'd have my butt in a satchel! SMITTY (chuckling) Ol' satchel-butt... AMY I know they're gonna buy that stock -- CHIEF You don't know anything! Fact is they haven't bought it! The stock is cheap, Archer! What're they waiting for? AMY I don't know... SMITTY Amy's hunches are usually pretty good, Chief. CHIEF You don't accuse someone of stock manipulation on a hunch, Ignatz! The readers of the Manhattan Argus aren't interested in sensationalism, gossip and unsupported speculation. Facts, figures -- those are the tools of the newspaper trade! Why it's almost as if you're trying to take the heat off this Barnes numbskull -- like you've gone all soft on him! SMITTY Come on, Chief, that's a low blow. Archer's not gonna go goey for a corn-fed idiot. CHIEF All right, I was out of line. But you're out of line with this stock swindle story. Gimme some more of that Moron-from-Sheboygan stuff -- AMY Muncie. CHIEF Whatever. That's what sells newspapers. AMY I've got an even hotter story -- The Sap from the City Desk. CHIEF Watch it, Archer -- AMY It's about a dimwitted editor who -- SMITTY Easy, Amy... He gives her a companionable goose. SMITTY ...Let's grab a highball and calm down. She whirls and slaps him. AMY Back off -- smoocher! Smitty rubs his cheek, staring as she storms off. SMITTY (angry) Say, what gives? ENGRAVED INVITATION IT READS: Sidney J. Mussburger President Norville Barnes and The Board of Hudsucker Industries CORDIALLY INVITE YOU TO The Annual Fancy-Dress Hudsucker Christmas Gala Music, Dancing, Refreshments (Dainties) Formal Evening Attire de Rigeuer. The MUSIC OVER the invitation -- "WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS" -- SEGUES INTO the dance music of the Hudsucker Chamber Orchestra. DANCING COUPLES FILL the SCREEN; we GLIDE AMONG them and FINALLY COME to follow one couple: Norville and MRS. MUSSBURGER, a large middle-aged woman of the Margaret Dumont-mold in an elaborately flowered and old-fashioned evening gown, low-cut in spite of her overly-heavy figure. She wears a large flowered hat with a rolled-up veil. MRS. MUSSBURGER -- So we'd gone out to the Hamptons and the garden was in positive ruins! NORVILLE That must have been quite a disappointment, Mrs. Mussburger. MRS. MUSSBURGER Disappointment? J'etais destroyee! I was in bed for a week! Positively sick with fury! I called in the gardener and said, 'Monsieur Gonzalez, either those azaleas come up next spring or you are terminee! She throws her head back and roars with laughter. ANGLE - THEIR FEET As the large woman leans back to laugh, her feet stay planted on the ground and Norville's rise to be dragged with his toes scraping the floor through the continuing dance. MRS. MUSSBURGER I'm brushing up on my French with the most charming man, Pierre of Fifth Avenue. Do you know him? NORVILLE I haven't had -- MRS. MUSSBURGER Sidney and I are planning a trip to Paris and points continental -- Aren't we, dear? Mussburger has ENTERED FRAME. MUSSBURGER Sure, sure. I'm going to borrow Norville for a while, if you don't mind, dear. MIXING DOWN as they leave her: MRS. MUSSBURGER Well, frankly, I... NORVILLE You have a charming wife, Mr. Muss -- uh, Sid. MUSSBURGER So they tell me. Norville, let me shepherd you through some of the introductions here. Try not to talk too much; some of our biggest stockholders are, uh -- scratch that: Say whatever you want. ENTRYWAY As Amy enters in a simple yet stunning evening gown. She looks around the room, then starts across the crowded floor towards the punch bowl. NORVILLE As Mussburger introduces him to a tall, imposing BUSINESSMAN in a tuxedo and a ten-gallon hat. MUSSBURGER Norville Barnes, allow me to introduce Mr. Zebulon Cardozo, one of Hudsucker Industries largest and most loyal stockholders. Ignoring Norville's proffered hand: CARDOZO (BUSINESSMAN) Dammit boy, what's this I hear about you bein' an embecile? What the hell is ailin' ya?! A week ago my stock was worth twice what it is now! I'm considering dumping the whole shootin' match, unless I see some vast improvement! Dammit, boy, It's a range war! Either you pull our wagons into a circle or I'm pullin' out of the wagon train! Norville gives him a forced but hearty laugh of reassurance. NORVILLE No need for concern, sir; it's only natural in a period of transition for the more timid element to run for cover -- CARDOZO So I'm yella, am I?!! He starts peeling off his tuxedo jacket: CARDOZO ...We'll see who's yella!! His WIFE, a small wiry woman, steps in as Mussburger starts dragging Norville away. MRS. CARDOZO Zebulon, you mind now and quit bein' sech an ole grizzly. As he reluctantly starts shrugging back into the jacket: CARDOZO Aww, I wasn't gonna hurt the boy, Lorelei... MUSSBURGER AND NORVILLE As they make their way through the room Norville is mopping at his brow with a handkerchief. NORVILLE I'm sorry, Sid, I thought maybe if I showed him the long view we might -- Thump! Dabbing at his brow, Norville has walked square into the back of a debonaire man

ink

How many times the word 'ink' appears in the text?

(O.S.) He don't look wise. As Norville turns to leave: VETERAN #2 (O.S.) How does she pull this out? She puts the back of her hand dramatically to her forehead. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) (disbelieving) She isn't! VETERAN #2 (O.S.) (thrilled) She is! And indeed she does: Faint dead away, falling backwards on the stool, so that Norville has no choice but to catch her. Norville holds her awkwardly, looking around for help. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) She's good, Bennie. VETERAN #2 (O.S.) She's damn good, Lou. A WAITRESS enters extreme f.g. to BLOCK OUR VIEW of the swooned woman and the embarrassed Norville. The Waitress is FACING the CAMERA and the two O.S. Veterans; the CROPPING gives us only her torso and the steaming pot of coffee she holds. WAITRESS (bored, nasal voice) Can I get you boys anything else? REVERSE ANGLE Back of the Waitress's torso in f.g.; on either side beyond her, the two Veterans are looking up at her O.S. face. They sport extremely bored expressions, topped by "cabbie" caps. VETERAN #1 Bromo. Beat. VETERAN #2 ...Bromo. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE Looking at its frosted-glass door; the sign painter is just finishing lettering in: NORVILLE BARNES, President. The sign painter makes way as we see Norville's shadow approaching; even from inside the room we can hear that he is WHEEZING HEAVILY. He is apparently carrying the girl, cradled in his arms. He tries to reach down to get the doorknob; can't manage it; turns to press his back against the door and get the knob with his other hand. The door opens as Norville swings around to enter. He is wheezing like a gas pipe about to explode. He swings around to kick the door shut. We see that the lettering on the door is now terribly smudged; we also see, in wet ink, on the seat of Norville's pants: senraB ellivroN tnediserP. Weakly, still cradled in Norville's arms: AMY I'm sorry we had to take the stairs. It was just that horrible little elevator boy... NORVILLE Not at all. You're light as a feather. AMY (pointing languorously) The couch, please. Still wheezing horribly, Norville staggers over to the couch and deposits her gently on it. He straightens up and looks at her. NORVILLE'S POV She is smiling wanly AT the CAMERA. The entire IMAGE PULSATES as the blood pounds behind Norville's eyeballs. We hear the LOUD, RASPING of his BREATH, resonating inside his head. Amy is talking but her voice is barely audible, as if coming from a long way away. BACK TO SCENE NORVILLE Just a minute. He perches drunkenly on the edge of the couch and puts his head between his knees, still fighting for breath. AMY I don't know what came over me. I suppose it was the shock of eating after so long without; the enzymes kicking in after so long, or whatever. But then you couldn't possibly know what it is to be tired and hungry... Speaking into his knees as he wheezes: NORVILLE Hungry, anyway. AMY I don't want to bore you with all the sordid details of my life; it's not a happy story... Norville rises and starts putting throw pillows behind her head. AMY ...Suffice it to say that I'm jobless -- though not for want of trying, that I'm friendless, with no one to -- thank you -- take care of me; and that had you not come along at just exactly the moment that you did -- She screams, staring down at the couch. Norville jumps, startled, then looks where she is looking. On the white sofa cushion where he had been sitting is printed, in wet ink, right side around: NORVILLE BARNES, President. AMY Norville, I didn't know you were president here! Norville stares dumbfounded at the sofa cushion. When the nickel finally drops, he spins around to try to look at the seat of his pants. Distracted but still modest: NORVILLE Oh, it's nothing really. Just determination and hard work... He unbuckles his trousers. NORVILLE ...Of course, when I started in the mailroom last Tuesday I thought it might take more time -- Buzz enters holding a brown paper bag. BUZZ Say, buddy, here's the whiskey you asked f -- He freezes, taking in the scene: Amy reclining on the couch; Norville standing in front of her with his pants around his ankles, still breathing heavily; the bottle of whiskey in his own hand. NORVILLE (flustered) Thank you, Buzz, just leave it on the desk. Leering: BUZZ Happy days, buddy... As he turns to leave: BUZZ ...and I'll tell your secretary you're not to be disturbed. Yowzuh!! He snaps the elastic strap under his chin. After the doors shut behind Buzz: AMY (shuddering) What a horrible little person. NORVILLE Oh, Buzz is pretty harmless, really -- AMY At any rate I arrived in town not ten days ago, full of dreams and aspirations, anxious to make my way in the world -- Norville pours a glass of whiskey and brings it over to her. AMY A little naive perhaps but -- thank you -- armed with determination, a solid work ethic, and an indomitable belief in the future -- NORVILLE I myself -- He crosses back to the desk. AMY Only to have that belief, that unsullied optimism, dashed against the marble and mortar of the modern work place -- Norville takes a cigarette from a large wood cigarette box on the desk and sticks it in his mouth. NORVILLE Cigarette? AMY No thank you. Seek and ye shall find, work and ye shall prosper -- these were the watch words of my education, the ethics of my tender years -- OVER NORVILLE'S SHOULDER He has been pushing the box towards her. The box tilts lazily forward and then disappears over the far lip of the desk. We hear the THUD of the BOX landing amid the pitter-patter of cigarettes raining onto the carpet. Amy's brow crinkles. Continuing: AMY -- these were the values that were instilled in me while I was growing up in a little town you've probably never heard of -- NORVILLE Mind if I join you? He is pouring himself a drink. AMY Be my guest. A little town you've probably -- He tosses back his drink, gags, looks at Amy with his eyes bulging. HIS POV Once again her IMAGE PULSATES. There is a ROARING SOUND and an AIRY STEAM WHISTLE as she silently moves her lips. NORVILLE He waves his arms and talks with a thick rasp as he staggers to his feet. NORVILLE Excuse me -- I -- executive washroom... He staggers out a side door. On his exit Amy leaps to her feet and scurries over to his desk. At the top of her voice: AMY Are you all right?... She throws open the top desk drawer. Inside two lonely lead pencils roll through the otherwise empty drawer. Amy expertly flips a cigarette into her mouth and strikes a match off the desktop. AMY ...Is it your lunch? The chicken a la king? From the washroom: NORVILLE (O.S.) No, I -- Amy throws open another drawer, empty except for an appointment book. As she hurriedly flips through page after blank page an arctic WIND WHISTLES emptiness. One page only has a notation: 11:45. Address Wilkie Grammar School Junior Achievers Club. AMY Is the a la king repeating on you? Amy shoves the appointment book back into the drawer. NORVILLE (O.S.) ...I'm fine, I... You were saying? She mutters: AMY Values... watchwords... uh, tender years... (aloud) -- A little town you've probably never heard of... She hastily stubs out her cigarette and waves her hand to disperse the smoke. AMY ...Muncie, Indiana. She scurries back across the room as we hear the FAUCET BEING TURNED OFF: she re-strikes her languid pose on the couch just as the washroom door opens. Norville gapes, one hand pressing a dripping rag to his forehead. NORVILLE You're from Muncie?! AMY Why yes, do you know it? Norville starts making pumping motions with his fists and loud syncopated grunting noises. Amy gapes at him. He starts singing, off-key: NORVILLE 'Fight on fight on dear old Muncie Fight on -- Hoist the gold and blue You'll be tattered, torn and hurtin' Once 'The Munce' is done with you!' Amy lamely fakes singing along, coming in louder on the last, obvious rhyme. Norville jumps an octave on it; she quickly follows sit, also pumping her fists. As Norville crosses his hands and locks thumbs in front of his nose to make bird wings of his extended fingers: NORVILLE ...Goooooooo Eagles! Amy awkwardly imitates. Norville excitedly sits behind his desk. NORVILLE ...A Muncie girl! Talk about the cat's pyjamas! Tell you what, Amy. I'm gonna cancel the rest of my appointments this afternoon and get you a job here at the Hud. AMY Oh, no, really, I -- NORVILLE Don't bother to thank me, it's the easiest thing in the world. Matter of fact, I know where a vacancy just came up. He hits the intercom. NORVILLE ...Mail room. To Amy: NORVILLE ...This'll only take a moment. INTERCOM (V.O.) Yeah? NORVILLE Good afternoon to ya, this is Norville Barnes -- INTERCOM (V.O.) Barnes! Where the hell have you been! And where's my voucher?! Norville thumps at his pockets. NORVILLE ...Well, I'm not sure where I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I need that voucher! I told you a week ago it was important! NORVILLE But look, I'm president of the company now and I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I don't care if you're president of the company! I need that voucher! Now! CLICK. The intercom goes dead. NORVILLE Oh, of all the foolish... Listen, do you take shorthand? Are you familiar with the mimeograph machine? AMY Of course -- I went to the Muncie, uh, Secretarial Polytechnic! Norville excitedly smacks a fist into a palm. NORVILLE -- A Muncie girl! Can you beat that! AMY Well, I just don't know how to thank you, Mr. Barnes -- NORVILLE Please! Norville! As he reaches to shake: NORVILLE ...It's my pleasure! She reaches for his hand but Norville snatches it away and, winking at her, hooks thumbs in front of his nose and makes wings of his fingers. NORVILLE ...Gooooooo Eagles! AMY likewise hooks her thumbs in front of her nose, makes wings, and, winking back: AMY Gooooooooo Eagles! But we PULL BACK to reveal that the girl is now in a newspaper office, demonstrating the fight sign to SMITTY, a reporter wearing a fedora with a bent-back brim. Smitty howls with laughter. SMITTY (wheezing) ...Once 'The Munce'... Holy... Amy sits down behind a typewriter and, as she starts typing at 80 words per minute: AMY And is this guy from chumpsville?! I pulled the old mother routine -- SMITTY Adenoids? AMY Lumbago. Behind her an ancient man wearing an inksman's visor and sleeve garters toils over a large checkerboarded surface over which he shuffles letter blocks and black spaces. Smitty gives a low whistle. SMITTY That gag's got whiskers on it! The PHONE RINGS and Smitty reaches for it. AMY I'm telling you, Smitty, the board of Hudsucker is up to something -- SMITTY (into phone) Yeah. ANCIENT PUZZLER Say, Amy, what's a six-letter word for an affliction of the hypothalmus? Without a break in her typing: AMY -- And it's a cinch -- Goiter -- it's a cinch this guy isn't in on it. How much time to make the Late Final? Smitty holds the phone away from his ear. SMITTY Chief. Still typing, Amy whistles and nods to her shoulder. Smitty tucks the phone into it as she continues typing. AMY Hiya, Chief, just the person I wanted to apologize to... Smitty is looking at his watch. SMITTY About seven minutes. AMY (still typing) Yeah, I was all wet about your idea man... Well, thanks for being so generous... It is human, and you are divine... No, he's no faker. He's the 100% real McCoy beware-of- imitations genuine article: the guy is a real moron -- To the Ancient Puzzler: AMY -- as in a five-letter word for imbecile -- Back into phone: AMY -- as pure a specimen as I've ever run across... Am I sure he's a nitwit? Heck, if working at the Argus doesn't make me an expert then my name isn't Amy Archer and I've never won the Pulitzer Prize... Her eyes narrow. AMY ...In 1957... My series on the reunited triplets -- come on down here, hammerhead, and I'll show it to ya... ANCIENT PUZZLER Amy, what's a three-letter word for a flightless bird? AMY Not now, Morris, I'm busy -- That's right, I said hammerhead, as in a ten-letter word for a smug bullying self-important newspaperman -- To Morris: AMY -- Gnu -- Into phone: AMY -- who couldn't find -- To Morris: AMY -- That's G-N-U -- Into phone: AMY -- couldn't find the Empire State Building with a compass, a road map and a native guide. To Morris: AMY -- or emu. She slams down the phone. To Smitty: AMY ...And that's just the potatoes, Smitty, here comes the gravy: The chump really likes me. A Muncie girl! Smitty bursts out laughing. SMITTY Better off falling for a rattlesnake. As she continues to type: AMY I'm tellin' ya, this guy's just the patsy and I'm gonna find out what for. There's a real story, Smitty, some kind of plot, a setup, a cabal, a -- oh, and say, did I tell ya?! SMITTY He didn't offer you money. AMY A sawbuck! SMITTY Ten dollars? Let's grab a highball! AMY On Norville Barnes! She rips the page out of the typewriter, swivels in her chair to FACE CAMERA as we TRACK IN CLOSE and she hollers: AMY ...Copy! DISSOLVE THROUGH TO: PRESSES rolling, churning out great quantities of newsprint. Papers piling up one on top of the other, very many, very quickly. DELIVERY MAN throwing a baled stack of papers off the back of his truck. BALED PAPER rolling into the f.g. A hand ENTERS FRAME to snip its wires and wipe off the top paper. PAPER BOY wearing an apron and a little paper boy cap, mouthing "Extra! Extra!" as he holds one of the papers aloft. PAN UP his arm TO the newspaper and, BEYOND it, the towering Hudsucker Building. All of the above -- DISSOLVING WITH: NEWSPAPER spinning TOWARDS the CAMERA and STOPPING FULL FRAME. Its headline, over a picture of Norville smiling, is "IMBECILE HEADS HUDSUCKER." The subheadline: "Not a Brain in his Head." ANOTHER ANGLE - NEWSPAPER is angrily slammed down to reveal that Norville has been reading the inside. His face twisting with fury, he leans forward and hits the intercom. NORVILLE Miss Smith, can you come in please to take a letter... Muttering to himself: NORVILLE ...of all the cockamamie... Amy is bustling in holding a steno pad and a pencil. As she seats herself in front of his desk, he rises to pace behind it. NORVILLE ...Did you happen to see the front page of today's Manhattan Argus? AMY Well, I... didn't bother to read the article. I didn't think the picture did you justice. NORVILLE The picture was fine! It's what that knuckle-headed dame wrote underneath! Of all the irresponsible... Amy, take this down: Dear Miss Archer. I call you 'Miss' because you seem to have 'missed' the boat completely on this one! How on earth would you know whether I'm an imbecile when you don't even have the guts to come in here and interview me man to man! No, change 'guts' to 'courage.' No, make it 'common decency.' These wild speculations about my intelligence -- AMY -- or lack thereof? NORVILLE (nodding) -- these preposterous inventions, would be better suited to the pages of Amazing Tales Magazine. If the editors of the Manhattan Argus see fit to publish the rantings of a disordered mind, perhaps they will see fit to publish this letter! But I doubt it. I most seriously doubt it. As I doubt also that you could find a home at Amazing Tales, a periodical which I have enjoyed for many years. Yours sincerely, et cetera. He drifts into thought. AMY Is that all, Mr. Barnes? NORVILLE ...Well, you know me, Amy, at least better than that that dame does. Do you think I'm an imbecile? AMY I'm sure I -- NORVILLE Go on, tell the truth; I trust you and I put a lot of stock in your opinion. AMY Well, I -- NORVILLE Oh sure, you're biased -- you're a fellow Muncian. But would an imbecile come up with this? He whips the cover sheet off a display pad resting on an easel to reveal a large piece of graph paper with a circle rendered onto it. Amy looks, puzzled, from the circle to Norville's proudly beaming face. NORVILLE ...I designed it myself and this is just the sweet baby that can put Hudsucker right back on top. Amy is bewildered. Norville explains: NORVILLE ...You know! For kids! AMY ...Why don't I just type this up... NORVILLE Aww, naw, Amy, that won't be necessary. I shouldn't send it; she's just doing her job, I guess. AMY Well, I don't know; maybe she does deserve it. Maybe she should've come in to face you man to man. NORVILLE Well, she probably had a deadline... AMY Sure, but -- she could still have gotten your side for the record! NORVILLE Well, it's done now -- what's the use of grousing about it. Forget the letter, Amy, I just had to blow off some steam... She gets up to leave, and is heading for the door when Norville adds: NORVILLE ...She's probably just a little confused. Amy turns at the door. AMY Confused? NORVILLE Yeah, you know, probably one of these fast-talking career gals, thinks she's one of the boys. Probably is one of the boys, if you know what I mean. AMY (through clenched teeth) I'm quite sure I don't know what you mean. NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Suffers from one of these complexes they have nowadays. Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it? She's probably very unattractive and bitter about it. AMY Oh, is that it! NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Probably dresses in men's clothing, swaps drinks with the guys at the local watering hole, and hobnobs with some smooth talking heel in the newsroom named Biff or Smoocher or... AMY Smitty. NORVILLE Exactly. And I bet she's ugly. Real ugly. Otherwise, why wouldn't they print her picture next to her byline? AMY Maybe she puts her work ahead of her personal appearance. NORVILLE I bet that's exactly what she tells herself! But you and I both know she's just a dried-up bitter old maid. Say, how about you and I grab a little dinner and a show after work? I was thinking maybe The King and I -- Whap! Amy slaps him. He stares. NORVILLE ...How about Oklahoma? As she stalks out of the office: AMY Norville Barnes, you don't know a thing about that woman! You don't know who she really is! And only a numbskull thinks he knows things about things he knows nothing about! He stares, rubbing his cheek. NORVILLE Say, what gives? WHISTLE SHRIEKING. SWISH PAN TO: CLOCK Reading five o'clock. SWISH PAN TO: WORKERS Rising from their desks, collecting personal effects, putting on their hats and coats. TIME CLOCK Busy hands punch out. INT. EMPTY HALLWAY Of the executive floor. A security man walks down the hall, whistling, swinging a ring of keys. After he passes the door to the ladies' room it opens, Amy peeks out, emerges, goes into Norville's office. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE She goes to the desk, takes out the appointment book, flips through it. BOOK Still empty except for the one date with the Wilkie Grammer School Junior Achievers Club, which now has a red line drawn across it with the notation CANCELED. AMY looks around the office -- notices something. DOOR Set into the wall to one side it is topped by a small plaque: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. Amy tries the knob, which turns, and enters. INT. ROOM It is big and dim, several stories high, with spiral staircases reaching into, and catwalks criss-crossing, the gloom above. It is filled with contraptions -- works, cogs, gears. There is no window, but on what would be the window wall there is an enormous iron ring with a metal rod sweeping an interior circle. It is the backside of the great Hudsucker clock. Amy gazes about. She crosses to a door opposite the one she entered from. She stoops to peek through its keyhole. HER POV We are LOOKING INTO Sidney J. Mussburger's office. Mussburger sits at his desk barking into a Dictaphone. CLICK-CLICK-CLICK -- the PERPETUAL MOTION BALLS on his desk are going full-tilt; THRUMMMMMMM -- the CLOCK'S exterior second hand sweeps a shadow across the office. Mussburger, it seems, never sleeps. MUSSBURGER Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A49. To: Director of the Jacksonville Facility. Copies to: Legal Affairs, Business Affairs, Central Files. Re: Movement of Raw Materials from the Huron Facility. Due to unfavorable news in the slag markets, Jacksonville inventory must be reduced by 15 percent with overflow diverted to the Waukegan Stamping Facility. Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A50. To: Director of -- BACK TO SCENE VOICE (O.S.) Watchoo doin' down they, Miss Archuh? AMY Huh?! She straightens and turns. Facing her is a very old BLACK MAN in a janitor's jumpsuit with HUDSUCKER INDUSTRIES/The Future Is Now emblazoned across it. We might recognize his voice as that of the narrator who opened the movie. AMY Who are you? How did you know who I am? MOSES (BLACK MAN) Ah guess ole Moses knows jes about ever'thing, leastways if it concerns Hudsuckuh. AMY But -- who are you -- what d'you do here? MOSES Ah keeps the ol' circle turning -- this ol' clock needs plenty o' care. Time is money, Miss Archuh, and money -- it drives that ol' global economy and keeps big Daddy Earth a-spinnin' on 'roun'. Ya see, without that capital fo'mation -- AMY Yeah, yeah. Say, you won't tell anyone about me, will you? MOSES I don't tell no one nothin' lessen they ask. Thatches ain't ole Moses' way. AMY So if you know everything about Hudsucker, tell me why the Board decided to make Norville Barnes president. MOSES Well, that even surprised ole Moses at fust. I didn't think the Board was that smart. AMY That smart?! MOSES But then I figured it out: they did it 'cause they figured young Norville for an imbecile. Like some othuh people ah know. AMY Why on earth would they want a nitwit to be president? MOSES 'Cause they's little pigglies! They's tryin' to inspire panic, make that stock git cheap so's they can snitch it all up fo' themselves! But Norville, he's got some tricks up his sleeve, he does... He draws a circle with his finger in the air. MOSES ...you know, fo' kids? Yeah, he's a smart one, that Norville, heh-heh, he's a caution. Wal, some folks is square, an' some is hip -- To punctuate, he gives a little jerk of his hips. MOSES ...But I guess you don't really know him any better than that board does, do ya, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, maybe I -- MOSES An' only some kind a knucklehead thinks she knows things 'bout things she, uh -- when she don't, uh -- How'd that go? AMY (bristling) It's hardly the same -- MOSES Why you don't even know y'own self -- you ain't exactly the genuine article are you, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, in connection with my job, sometimes I have to go undercover as it were -- MOSES I don't mean that! Why you pretendin' to be such a hard ol' sourpuss! Ain't never gonna make you happy! Never made Warin' happy. AMY (uncomfortably) I'm happy enough. MOSES (chuckles) Okay, Miss Archuh. (turns and walks away) ...I got gears to see to. AMY (calls after him) I'm plenty happy! She is answered only by WHIRRING MACHINERY. MOSES Elsewhere in the great room, he is hunkered down next to a catchment which he buffs with a greasy rag. Amy's VOICE ECHOES UP: AMY (O.S.) ...Hello? MOSES (muttering to himself) Them po' young folks. Looks like Norville's in fo' the same kind o' heartache ol' Warin' had. But then, she never axed me 'bout dat... As OMINOUS MUSIC SWELLS, we -- FADE OUT: FADE IN: INT. CHIEF'S OFFICE He slams down a typescript. CHIEF I can't print this! AMY Why not, it's all true! The board is using this poor guy! They're depressing the stock so they can buy it cheap! CHIEF It's pure speculation! Why, they'd have my butt in a satchel! SMITTY (chuckling) Ol' satchel-butt... AMY I know they're gonna buy that stock -- CHIEF You don't know anything! Fact is they haven't bought it! The stock is cheap, Archer! What're they waiting for? AMY I don't know... SMITTY Amy's hunches are usually pretty good, Chief. CHIEF You don't accuse someone of stock manipulation on a hunch, Ignatz! The readers of the Manhattan Argus aren't interested in sensationalism, gossip and unsupported speculation. Facts, figures -- those are the tools of the newspaper trade! Why it's almost as if you're trying to take the heat off this Barnes numbskull -- like you've gone all soft on him! SMITTY Come on, Chief, that's a low blow. Archer's not gonna go goey for a corn-fed idiot. CHIEF All right, I was out of line. But you're out of line with this stock swindle story. Gimme some more of that Moron-from-Sheboygan stuff -- AMY Muncie. CHIEF Whatever. That's what sells newspapers. AMY I've got an even hotter story -- The Sap from the City Desk. CHIEF Watch it, Archer -- AMY It's about a dimwitted editor who -- SMITTY Easy, Amy... He gives her a companionable goose. SMITTY ...Let's grab a highball and calm down. She whirls and slaps him. AMY Back off -- smoocher! Smitty rubs his cheek, staring as she storms off. SMITTY (angry) Say, what gives? ENGRAVED INVITATION IT READS: Sidney J. Mussburger President Norville Barnes and The Board of Hudsucker Industries CORDIALLY INVITE YOU TO The Annual Fancy-Dress Hudsucker Christmas Gala Music, Dancing, Refreshments (Dainties) Formal Evening Attire de Rigeuer. The MUSIC OVER the invitation -- "WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS" -- SEGUES INTO the dance music of the Hudsucker Chamber Orchestra. DANCING COUPLES FILL the SCREEN; we GLIDE AMONG them and FINALLY COME to follow one couple: Norville and MRS. MUSSBURGER, a large middle-aged woman of the Margaret Dumont-mold in an elaborately flowered and old-fashioned evening gown, low-cut in spite of her overly-heavy figure. She wears a large flowered hat with a rolled-up veil. MRS. MUSSBURGER -- So we'd gone out to the Hamptons and the garden was in positive ruins! NORVILLE That must have been quite a disappointment, Mrs. Mussburger. MRS. MUSSBURGER Disappointment? J'etais destroyee! I was in bed for a week! Positively sick with fury! I called in the gardener and said, 'Monsieur Gonzalez, either those azaleas come up next spring or you are terminee! She throws her head back and roars with laughter. ANGLE - THEIR FEET As the large woman leans back to laugh, her feet stay planted on the ground and Norville's rise to be dragged with his toes scraping the floor through the continuing dance. MRS. MUSSBURGER I'm brushing up on my French with the most charming man, Pierre of Fifth Avenue. Do you know him? NORVILLE I haven't had -- MRS. MUSSBURGER Sidney and I are planning a trip to Paris and points continental -- Aren't we, dear? Mussburger has ENTERED FRAME. MUSSBURGER Sure, sure. I'm going to borrow Norville for a while, if you don't mind, dear. MIXING DOWN as they leave her: MRS. MUSSBURGER Well, frankly, I... NORVILLE You have a charming wife, Mr. Muss -- uh, Sid. MUSSBURGER So they tell me. Norville, let me shepherd you through some of the introductions here. Try not to talk too much; some of our biggest stockholders are, uh -- scratch that: Say whatever you want. ENTRYWAY As Amy enters in a simple yet stunning evening gown. She looks around the room, then starts across the crowded floor towards the punch bowl. NORVILLE As Mussburger introduces him to a tall, imposing BUSINESSMAN in a tuxedo and a ten-gallon hat. MUSSBURGER Norville Barnes, allow me to introduce Mr. Zebulon Cardozo, one of Hudsucker Industries largest and most loyal stockholders. Ignoring Norville's proffered hand: CARDOZO (BUSINESSMAN) Dammit boy, what's this I hear about you bein' an embecile? What the hell is ailin' ya?! A week ago my stock was worth twice what it is now! I'm considering dumping the whole shootin' match, unless I see some vast improvement! Dammit, boy, It's a range war! Either you pull our wagons into a circle or I'm pullin' out of the wagon train! Norville gives him a forced but hearty laugh of reassurance. NORVILLE No need for concern, sir; it's only natural in a period of transition for the more timid element to run for cover -- CARDOZO So I'm yella, am I?!! He starts peeling off his tuxedo jacket: CARDOZO ...We'll see who's yella!! His WIFE, a small wiry woman, steps in as Mussburger starts dragging Norville away. MRS. CARDOZO Zebulon, you mind now and quit bein' sech an ole grizzly. As he reluctantly starts shrugging back into the jacket: CARDOZO Aww, I wasn't gonna hurt the boy, Lorelei... MUSSBURGER AND NORVILLE As they make their way through the room Norville is mopping at his brow with a handkerchief. NORVILLE I'm sorry, Sid, I thought maybe if I showed him the long view we might -- Thump! Dabbing at his brow, Norville has walked square into the back of a debonaire man

rules

How many times the word 'rules' appears in the text?

(O.S.) He don't look wise. As Norville turns to leave: VETERAN #2 (O.S.) How does she pull this out? She puts the back of her hand dramatically to her forehead. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) (disbelieving) She isn't! VETERAN #2 (O.S.) (thrilled) She is! And indeed she does: Faint dead away, falling backwards on the stool, so that Norville has no choice but to catch her. Norville holds her awkwardly, looking around for help. VETERAN #1 (O.S.) She's good, Bennie. VETERAN #2 (O.S.) She's damn good, Lou. A WAITRESS enters extreme f.g. to BLOCK OUR VIEW of the swooned woman and the embarrassed Norville. The Waitress is FACING the CAMERA and the two O.S. Veterans; the CROPPING gives us only her torso and the steaming pot of coffee she holds. WAITRESS (bored, nasal voice) Can I get you boys anything else? REVERSE ANGLE Back of the Waitress's torso in f.g.; on either side beyond her, the two Veterans are looking up at her O.S. face. They sport extremely bored expressions, topped by "cabbie" caps. VETERAN #1 Bromo. Beat. VETERAN #2 ...Bromo. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE Looking at its frosted-glass door; the sign painter is just finishing lettering in: NORVILLE BARNES, President. The sign painter makes way as we see Norville's shadow approaching; even from inside the room we can hear that he is WHEEZING HEAVILY. He is apparently carrying the girl, cradled in his arms. He tries to reach down to get the doorknob; can't manage it; turns to press his back against the door and get the knob with his other hand. The door opens as Norville swings around to enter. He is wheezing like a gas pipe about to explode. He swings around to kick the door shut. We see that the lettering on the door is now terribly smudged; we also see, in wet ink, on the seat of Norville's pants: senraB ellivroN tnediserP. Weakly, still cradled in Norville's arms: AMY I'm sorry we had to take the stairs. It was just that horrible little elevator boy... NORVILLE Not at all. You're light as a feather. AMY (pointing languorously) The couch, please. Still wheezing horribly, Norville staggers over to the couch and deposits her gently on it. He straightens up and looks at her. NORVILLE'S POV She is smiling wanly AT the CAMERA. The entire IMAGE PULSATES as the blood pounds behind Norville's eyeballs. We hear the LOUD, RASPING of his BREATH, resonating inside his head. Amy is talking but her voice is barely audible, as if coming from a long way away. BACK TO SCENE NORVILLE Just a minute. He perches drunkenly on the edge of the couch and puts his head between his knees, still fighting for breath. AMY I don't know what came over me. I suppose it was the shock of eating after so long without; the enzymes kicking in after so long, or whatever. But then you couldn't possibly know what it is to be tired and hungry... Speaking into his knees as he wheezes: NORVILLE Hungry, anyway. AMY I don't want to bore you with all the sordid details of my life; it's not a happy story... Norville rises and starts putting throw pillows behind her head. AMY ...Suffice it to say that I'm jobless -- though not for want of trying, that I'm friendless, with no one to -- thank you -- take care of me; and that had you not come along at just exactly the moment that you did -- She screams, staring down at the couch. Norville jumps, startled, then looks where she is looking. On the white sofa cushion where he had been sitting is printed, in wet ink, right side around: NORVILLE BARNES, President. AMY Norville, I didn't know you were president here! Norville stares dumbfounded at the sofa cushion. When the nickel finally drops, he spins around to try to look at the seat of his pants. Distracted but still modest: NORVILLE Oh, it's nothing really. Just determination and hard work... He unbuckles his trousers. NORVILLE ...Of course, when I started in the mailroom last Tuesday I thought it might take more time -- Buzz enters holding a brown paper bag. BUZZ Say, buddy, here's the whiskey you asked f -- He freezes, taking in the scene: Amy reclining on the couch; Norville standing in front of her with his pants around his ankles, still breathing heavily; the bottle of whiskey in his own hand. NORVILLE (flustered) Thank you, Buzz, just leave it on the desk. Leering: BUZZ Happy days, buddy... As he turns to leave: BUZZ ...and I'll tell your secretary you're not to be disturbed. Yowzuh!! He snaps the elastic strap under his chin. After the doors shut behind Buzz: AMY (shuddering) What a horrible little person. NORVILLE Oh, Buzz is pretty harmless, really -- AMY At any rate I arrived in town not ten days ago, full of dreams and aspirations, anxious to make my way in the world -- Norville pours a glass of whiskey and brings it over to her. AMY A little naive perhaps but -- thank you -- armed with determination, a solid work ethic, and an indomitable belief in the future -- NORVILLE I myself -- He crosses back to the desk. AMY Only to have that belief, that unsullied optimism, dashed against the marble and mortar of the modern work place -- Norville takes a cigarette from a large wood cigarette box on the desk and sticks it in his mouth. NORVILLE Cigarette? AMY No thank you. Seek and ye shall find, work and ye shall prosper -- these were the watch words of my education, the ethics of my tender years -- OVER NORVILLE'S SHOULDER He has been pushing the box towards her. The box tilts lazily forward and then disappears over the far lip of the desk. We hear the THUD of the BOX landing amid the pitter-patter of cigarettes raining onto the carpet. Amy's brow crinkles. Continuing: AMY -- these were the values that were instilled in me while I was growing up in a little town you've probably never heard of -- NORVILLE Mind if I join you? He is pouring himself a drink. AMY Be my guest. A little town you've probably -- He tosses back his drink, gags, looks at Amy with his eyes bulging. HIS POV Once again her IMAGE PULSATES. There is a ROARING SOUND and an AIRY STEAM WHISTLE as she silently moves her lips. NORVILLE He waves his arms and talks with a thick rasp as he staggers to his feet. NORVILLE Excuse me -- I -- executive washroom... He staggers out a side door. On his exit Amy leaps to her feet and scurries over to his desk. At the top of her voice: AMY Are you all right?... She throws open the top desk drawer. Inside two lonely lead pencils roll through the otherwise empty drawer. Amy expertly flips a cigarette into her mouth and strikes a match off the desktop. AMY ...Is it your lunch? The chicken a la king? From the washroom: NORVILLE (O.S.) No, I -- Amy throws open another drawer, empty except for an appointment book. As she hurriedly flips through page after blank page an arctic WIND WHISTLES emptiness. One page only has a notation: 11:45. Address Wilkie Grammar School Junior Achievers Club. AMY Is the a la king repeating on you? Amy shoves the appointment book back into the drawer. NORVILLE (O.S.) ...I'm fine, I... You were saying? She mutters: AMY Values... watchwords... uh, tender years... (aloud) -- A little town you've probably never heard of... She hastily stubs out her cigarette and waves her hand to disperse the smoke. AMY ...Muncie, Indiana. She scurries back across the room as we hear the FAUCET BEING TURNED OFF: she re-strikes her languid pose on the couch just as the washroom door opens. Norville gapes, one hand pressing a dripping rag to his forehead. NORVILLE You're from Muncie?! AMY Why yes, do you know it? Norville starts making pumping motions with his fists and loud syncopated grunting noises. Amy gapes at him. He starts singing, off-key: NORVILLE 'Fight on fight on dear old Muncie Fight on -- Hoist the gold and blue You'll be tattered, torn and hurtin' Once 'The Munce' is done with you!' Amy lamely fakes singing along, coming in louder on the last, obvious rhyme. Norville jumps an octave on it; she quickly follows sit, also pumping her fists. As Norville crosses his hands and locks thumbs in front of his nose to make bird wings of his extended fingers: NORVILLE ...Goooooooo Eagles! Amy awkwardly imitates. Norville excitedly sits behind his desk. NORVILLE ...A Muncie girl! Talk about the cat's pyjamas! Tell you what, Amy. I'm gonna cancel the rest of my appointments this afternoon and get you a job here at the Hud. AMY Oh, no, really, I -- NORVILLE Don't bother to thank me, it's the easiest thing in the world. Matter of fact, I know where a vacancy just came up. He hits the intercom. NORVILLE ...Mail room. To Amy: NORVILLE ...This'll only take a moment. INTERCOM (V.O.) Yeah? NORVILLE Good afternoon to ya, this is Norville Barnes -- INTERCOM (V.O.) Barnes! Where the hell have you been! And where's my voucher?! Norville thumps at his pockets. NORVILLE ...Well, I'm not sure where I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I need that voucher! I told you a week ago it was important! NORVILLE But look, I'm president of the company now and I -- INTERCOM (V.O.) I don't care if you're president of the company! I need that voucher! Now! CLICK. The intercom goes dead. NORVILLE Oh, of all the foolish... Listen, do you take shorthand? Are you familiar with the mimeograph machine? AMY Of course -- I went to the Muncie, uh, Secretarial Polytechnic! Norville excitedly smacks a fist into a palm. NORVILLE -- A Muncie girl! Can you beat that! AMY Well, I just don't know how to thank you, Mr. Barnes -- NORVILLE Please! Norville! As he reaches to shake: NORVILLE ...It's my pleasure! She reaches for his hand but Norville snatches it away and, winking at her, hooks thumbs in front of his nose and makes wings of his fingers. NORVILLE ...Gooooooo Eagles! AMY likewise hooks her thumbs in front of her nose, makes wings, and, winking back: AMY Gooooooooo Eagles! But we PULL BACK to reveal that the girl is now in a newspaper office, demonstrating the fight sign to SMITTY, a reporter wearing a fedora with a bent-back brim. Smitty howls with laughter. SMITTY (wheezing) ...Once 'The Munce'... Holy... Amy sits down behind a typewriter and, as she starts typing at 80 words per minute: AMY And is this guy from chumpsville?! I pulled the old mother routine -- SMITTY Adenoids? AMY Lumbago. Behind her an ancient man wearing an inksman's visor and sleeve garters toils over a large checkerboarded surface over which he shuffles letter blocks and black spaces. Smitty gives a low whistle. SMITTY That gag's got whiskers on it! The PHONE RINGS and Smitty reaches for it. AMY I'm telling you, Smitty, the board of Hudsucker is up to something -- SMITTY (into phone) Yeah. ANCIENT PUZZLER Say, Amy, what's a six-letter word for an affliction of the hypothalmus? Without a break in her typing: AMY -- And it's a cinch -- Goiter -- it's a cinch this guy isn't in on it. How much time to make the Late Final? Smitty holds the phone away from his ear. SMITTY Chief. Still typing, Amy whistles and nods to her shoulder. Smitty tucks the phone into it as she continues typing. AMY Hiya, Chief, just the person I wanted to apologize to... Smitty is looking at his watch. SMITTY About seven minutes. AMY (still typing) Yeah, I was all wet about your idea man... Well, thanks for being so generous... It is human, and you are divine... No, he's no faker. He's the 100% real McCoy beware-of- imitations genuine article: the guy is a real moron -- To the Ancient Puzzler: AMY -- as in a five-letter word for imbecile -- Back into phone: AMY -- as pure a specimen as I've ever run across... Am I sure he's a nitwit? Heck, if working at the Argus doesn't make me an expert then my name isn't Amy Archer and I've never won the Pulitzer Prize... Her eyes narrow. AMY ...In 1957... My series on the reunited triplets -- come on down here, hammerhead, and I'll show it to ya... ANCIENT PUZZLER Amy, what's a three-letter word for a flightless bird? AMY Not now, Morris, I'm busy -- That's right, I said hammerhead, as in a ten-letter word for a smug bullying self-important newspaperman -- To Morris: AMY -- Gnu -- Into phone: AMY -- who couldn't find -- To Morris: AMY -- That's G-N-U -- Into phone: AMY -- couldn't find the Empire State Building with a compass, a road map and a native guide. To Morris: AMY -- or emu. She slams down the phone. To Smitty: AMY ...And that's just the potatoes, Smitty, here comes the gravy: The chump really likes me. A Muncie girl! Smitty bursts out laughing. SMITTY Better off falling for a rattlesnake. As she continues to type: AMY I'm tellin' ya, this guy's just the patsy and I'm gonna find out what for. There's a real story, Smitty, some kind of plot, a setup, a cabal, a -- oh, and say, did I tell ya?! SMITTY He didn't offer you money. AMY A sawbuck! SMITTY Ten dollars? Let's grab a highball! AMY On Norville Barnes! She rips the page out of the typewriter, swivels in her chair to FACE CAMERA as we TRACK IN CLOSE and she hollers: AMY ...Copy! DISSOLVE THROUGH TO: PRESSES rolling, churning out great quantities of newsprint. Papers piling up one on top of the other, very many, very quickly. DELIVERY MAN throwing a baled stack of papers off the back of his truck. BALED PAPER rolling into the f.g. A hand ENTERS FRAME to snip its wires and wipe off the top paper. PAPER BOY wearing an apron and a little paper boy cap, mouthing "Extra! Extra!" as he holds one of the papers aloft. PAN UP his arm TO the newspaper and, BEYOND it, the towering Hudsucker Building. All of the above -- DISSOLVING WITH: NEWSPAPER spinning TOWARDS the CAMERA and STOPPING FULL FRAME. Its headline, over a picture of Norville smiling, is "IMBECILE HEADS HUDSUCKER." The subheadline: "Not a Brain in his Head." ANOTHER ANGLE - NEWSPAPER is angrily slammed down to reveal that Norville has been reading the inside. His face twisting with fury, he leans forward and hits the intercom. NORVILLE Miss Smith, can you come in please to take a letter... Muttering to himself: NORVILLE ...of all the cockamamie... Amy is bustling in holding a steno pad and a pencil. As she seats herself in front of his desk, he rises to pace behind it. NORVILLE ...Did you happen to see the front page of today's Manhattan Argus? AMY Well, I... didn't bother to read the article. I didn't think the picture did you justice. NORVILLE The picture was fine! It's what that knuckle-headed dame wrote underneath! Of all the irresponsible... Amy, take this down: Dear Miss Archer. I call you 'Miss' because you seem to have 'missed' the boat completely on this one! How on earth would you know whether I'm an imbecile when you don't even have the guts to come in here and interview me man to man! No, change 'guts' to 'courage.' No, make it 'common decency.' These wild speculations about my intelligence -- AMY -- or lack thereof? NORVILLE (nodding) -- these preposterous inventions, would be better suited to the pages of Amazing Tales Magazine. If the editors of the Manhattan Argus see fit to publish the rantings of a disordered mind, perhaps they will see fit to publish this letter! But I doubt it. I most seriously doubt it. As I doubt also that you could find a home at Amazing Tales, a periodical which I have enjoyed for many years. Yours sincerely, et cetera. He drifts into thought. AMY Is that all, Mr. Barnes? NORVILLE ...Well, you know me, Amy, at least better than that that dame does. Do you think I'm an imbecile? AMY I'm sure I -- NORVILLE Go on, tell the truth; I trust you and I put a lot of stock in your opinion. AMY Well, I -- NORVILLE Oh sure, you're biased -- you're a fellow Muncian. But would an imbecile come up with this? He whips the cover sheet off a display pad resting on an easel to reveal a large piece of graph paper with a circle rendered onto it. Amy looks, puzzled, from the circle to Norville's proudly beaming face. NORVILLE ...I designed it myself and this is just the sweet baby that can put Hudsucker right back on top. Amy is bewildered. Norville explains: NORVILLE ...You know! For kids! AMY ...Why don't I just type this up... NORVILLE Aww, naw, Amy, that won't be necessary. I shouldn't send it; she's just doing her job, I guess. AMY Well, I don't know; maybe she does deserve it. Maybe she should've come in to face you man to man. NORVILLE Well, she probably had a deadline... AMY Sure, but -- she could still have gotten your side for the record! NORVILLE Well, it's done now -- what's the use of grousing about it. Forget the letter, Amy, I just had to blow off some steam... She gets up to leave, and is heading for the door when Norville adds: NORVILLE ...She's probably just a little confused. Amy turns at the door. AMY Confused? NORVILLE Yeah, you know, probably one of these fast-talking career gals, thinks she's one of the boys. Probably is one of the boys, if you know what I mean. AMY (through clenched teeth) I'm quite sure I don't know what you mean. NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Suffers from one of these complexes they have nowadays. Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it? She's probably very unattractive and bitter about it. AMY Oh, is that it! NORVILLE Yeah, you know. Probably dresses in men's clothing, swaps drinks with the guys at the local watering hole, and hobnobs with some smooth talking heel in the newsroom named Biff or Smoocher or... AMY Smitty. NORVILLE Exactly. And I bet she's ugly. Real ugly. Otherwise, why wouldn't they print her picture next to her byline? AMY Maybe she puts her work ahead of her personal appearance. NORVILLE I bet that's exactly what she tells herself! But you and I both know she's just a dried-up bitter old maid. Say, how about you and I grab a little dinner and a show after work? I was thinking maybe The King and I -- Whap! Amy slaps him. He stares. NORVILLE ...How about Oklahoma? As she stalks out of the office: AMY Norville Barnes, you don't know a thing about that woman! You don't know who she really is! And only a numbskull thinks he knows things about things he knows nothing about! He stares, rubbing his cheek. NORVILLE Say, what gives? WHISTLE SHRIEKING. SWISH PAN TO: CLOCK Reading five o'clock. SWISH PAN TO: WORKERS Rising from their desks, collecting personal effects, putting on their hats and coats. TIME CLOCK Busy hands punch out. INT. EMPTY HALLWAY Of the executive floor. A security man walks down the hall, whistling, swinging a ring of keys. After he passes the door to the ladies' room it opens, Amy peeks out, emerges, goes into Norville's office. INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE She goes to the desk, takes out the appointment book, flips through it. BOOK Still empty except for the one date with the Wilkie Grammer School Junior Achievers Club, which now has a red line drawn across it with the notation CANCELED. AMY looks around the office -- notices something. DOOR Set into the wall to one side it is topped by a small plaque: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. Amy tries the knob, which turns, and enters. INT. ROOM It is big and dim, several stories high, with spiral staircases reaching into, and catwalks criss-crossing, the gloom above. It is filled with contraptions -- works, cogs, gears. There is no window, but on what would be the window wall there is an enormous iron ring with a metal rod sweeping an interior circle. It is the backside of the great Hudsucker clock. Amy gazes about. She crosses to a door opposite the one she entered from. She stoops to peek through its keyhole. HER POV We are LOOKING INTO Sidney J. Mussburger's office. Mussburger sits at his desk barking into a Dictaphone. CLICK-CLICK-CLICK -- the PERPETUAL MOTION BALLS on his desk are going full-tilt; THRUMMMMMMM -- the CLOCK'S exterior second hand sweeps a shadow across the office. Mussburger, it seems, never sleeps. MUSSBURGER Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A49. To: Director of the Jacksonville Facility. Copies to: Legal Affairs, Business Affairs, Central Files. Re: Movement of Raw Materials from the Huron Facility. Due to unfavorable news in the slag markets, Jacksonville inventory must be reduced by 15 percent with overflow diverted to the Waukegan Stamping Facility. Memo. From the desk of Sidney J. Mussburger. Executive order number 530 slash A50. To: Director of -- BACK TO SCENE VOICE (O.S.) Watchoo doin' down they, Miss Archuh? AMY Huh?! She straightens and turns. Facing her is a very old BLACK MAN in a janitor's jumpsuit with HUDSUCKER INDUSTRIES/The Future Is Now emblazoned across it. We might recognize his voice as that of the narrator who opened the movie. AMY Who are you? How did you know who I am? MOSES (BLACK MAN) Ah guess ole Moses knows jes about ever'thing, leastways if it concerns Hudsuckuh. AMY But -- who are you -- what d'you do here? MOSES Ah keeps the ol' circle turning -- this ol' clock needs plenty o' care. Time is money, Miss Archuh, and money -- it drives that ol' global economy and keeps big Daddy Earth a-spinnin' on 'roun'. Ya see, without that capital fo'mation -- AMY Yeah, yeah. Say, you won't tell anyone about me, will you? MOSES I don't tell no one nothin' lessen they ask. Thatches ain't ole Moses' way. AMY So if you know everything about Hudsucker, tell me why the Board decided to make Norville Barnes president. MOSES Well, that even surprised ole Moses at fust. I didn't think the Board was that smart. AMY That smart?! MOSES But then I figured it out: they did it 'cause they figured young Norville for an imbecile. Like some othuh people ah know. AMY Why on earth would they want a nitwit to be president? MOSES 'Cause they's little pigglies! They's tryin' to inspire panic, make that stock git cheap so's they can snitch it all up fo' themselves! But Norville, he's got some tricks up his sleeve, he does... He draws a circle with his finger in the air. MOSES ...you know, fo' kids? Yeah, he's a smart one, that Norville, heh-heh, he's a caution. Wal, some folks is square, an' some is hip -- To punctuate, he gives a little jerk of his hips. MOSES ...But I guess you don't really know him any better than that board does, do ya, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, maybe I -- MOSES An' only some kind a knucklehead thinks she knows things 'bout things she, uh -- when she don't, uh -- How'd that go? AMY (bristling) It's hardly the same -- MOSES Why you don't even know y'own self -- you ain't exactly the genuine article are you, Miss Archuh? AMY Well, in connection with my job, sometimes I have to go undercover as it were -- MOSES I don't mean that! Why you pretendin' to be such a hard ol' sourpuss! Ain't never gonna make you happy! Never made Warin' happy. AMY (uncomfortably) I'm happy enough. MOSES (chuckles) Okay, Miss Archuh. (turns and walks away) ...I got gears to see to. AMY (calls after him) I'm plenty happy! She is answered only by WHIRRING MACHINERY. MOSES Elsewhere in the great room, he is hunkered down next to a catchment which he buffs with a greasy rag. Amy's VOICE ECHOES UP: AMY (O.S.) ...Hello? MOSES (muttering to himself) Them po' young folks. Looks like Norville's in fo' the same kind o' heartache ol' Warin' had. But then, she never axed me 'bout dat... As OMINOUS MUSIC SWELLS, we -- FADE OUT: FADE IN: INT. CHIEF'S OFFICE He slams down a typescript. CHIEF I can't print this! AMY Why not, it's all true! The board is using this poor guy! They're depressing the stock so they can buy it cheap! CHIEF It's pure speculation! Why, they'd have my butt in a satchel! SMITTY (chuckling) Ol' satchel-butt... AMY I know they're gonna buy that stock -- CHIEF You don't know anything! Fact is they haven't bought it! The stock is cheap, Archer! What're they waiting for? AMY I don't know... SMITTY Amy's hunches are usually pretty good, Chief. CHIEF You don't accuse someone of stock manipulation on a hunch, Ignatz! The readers of the Manhattan Argus aren't interested in sensationalism, gossip and unsupported speculation. Facts, figures -- those are the tools of the newspaper trade! Why it's almost as if you're trying to take the heat off this Barnes numbskull -- like you've gone all soft on him! SMITTY Come on, Chief, that's a low blow. Archer's not gonna go goey for a corn-fed idiot. CHIEF All right, I was out of line. But you're out of line with this stock swindle story. Gimme some more of that Moron-from-Sheboygan stuff -- AMY Muncie. CHIEF Whatever. That's what sells newspapers. AMY I've got an even hotter story -- The Sap from the City Desk. CHIEF Watch it, Archer -- AMY It's about a dimwitted editor who -- SMITTY Easy, Amy... He gives her a companionable goose. SMITTY ...Let's grab a highball and calm down. She whirls and slaps him. AMY Back off -- smoocher! Smitty rubs his cheek, staring as she storms off. SMITTY (angry) Say, what gives? ENGRAVED INVITATION IT READS: Sidney J. Mussburger President Norville Barnes and The Board of Hudsucker Industries CORDIALLY INVITE YOU TO The Annual Fancy-Dress Hudsucker Christmas Gala Music, Dancing, Refreshments (Dainties) Formal Evening Attire de Rigeuer. The MUSIC OVER the invitation -- "WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS" -- SEGUES INTO the dance music of the Hudsucker Chamber Orchestra. DANCING COUPLES FILL the SCREEN; we GLIDE AMONG them and FINALLY COME to follow one couple: Norville and MRS. MUSSBURGER, a large middle-aged woman of the Margaret Dumont-mold in an elaborately flowered and old-fashioned evening gown, low-cut in spite of her overly-heavy figure. She wears a large flowered hat with a rolled-up veil. MRS. MUSSBURGER -- So we'd gone out to the Hamptons and the garden was in positive ruins! NORVILLE That must have been quite a disappointment, Mrs. Mussburger. MRS. MUSSBURGER Disappointment? J'etais destroyee! I was in bed for a week! Positively sick with fury! I called in the gardener and said, 'Monsieur Gonzalez, either those azaleas come up next spring or you are terminee! She throws her head back and roars with laughter. ANGLE - THEIR FEET As the large woman leans back to laugh, her feet stay planted on the ground and Norville's rise to be dragged with his toes scraping the floor through the continuing dance. MRS. MUSSBURGER I'm brushing up on my French with the most charming man, Pierre of Fifth Avenue. Do you know him? NORVILLE I haven't had -- MRS. MUSSBURGER Sidney and I are planning a trip to Paris and points continental -- Aren't we, dear? Mussburger has ENTERED FRAME. MUSSBURGER Sure, sure. I'm going to borrow Norville for a while, if you don't mind, dear. MIXING DOWN as they leave her: MRS. MUSSBURGER Well, frankly, I... NORVILLE You have a charming wife, Mr. Muss -- uh, Sid. MUSSBURGER So they tell me. Norville, let me shepherd you through some of the introductions here. Try not to talk too much; some of our biggest stockholders are, uh -- scratch that: Say whatever you want. ENTRYWAY As Amy enters in a simple yet stunning evening gown. She looks around the room, then starts across the crowded floor towards the punch bowl. NORVILLE As Mussburger introduces him to a tall, imposing BUSINESSMAN in a tuxedo and a ten-gallon hat. MUSSBURGER Norville Barnes, allow me to introduce Mr. Zebulon Cardozo, one of Hudsucker Industries largest and most loyal stockholders. Ignoring Norville's proffered hand: CARDOZO (BUSINESSMAN) Dammit boy, what's this I hear about you bein' an embecile? What the hell is ailin' ya?! A week ago my stock was worth twice what it is now! I'm considering dumping the whole shootin' match, unless I see some vast improvement! Dammit, boy, It's a range war! Either you pull our wagons into a circle or I'm pullin' out of the wagon train! Norville gives him a forced but hearty laugh of reassurance. NORVILLE No need for concern, sir; it's only natural in a period of transition for the more timid element to run for cover -- CARDOZO So I'm yella, am I?!! He starts peeling off his tuxedo jacket: CARDOZO ...We'll see who's yella!! His WIFE, a small wiry woman, steps in as Mussburger starts dragging Norville away. MRS. CARDOZO Zebulon, you mind now and quit bein' sech an ole grizzly. As he reluctantly starts shrugging back into the jacket: CARDOZO Aww, I wasn't gonna hurt the boy, Lorelei... MUSSBURGER AND NORVILLE As they make their way through the room Norville is mopping at his brow with a handkerchief. NORVILLE I'm sorry, Sid, I thought maybe if I showed him the long view we might -- Thump! Dabbing at his brow, Norville has walked square into the back of a debonaire man

la

How many times the word 'la' appears in the text?

- CONTINUOUS The SWATs return fire. The Thugs lay down cover fire, then race around a corner into a smaller passage. A cop car pulls up, blocking the mouth of the alley - Gordon jumps out, gun drawn. The SWATs approach the passage, massing on both corners tactically. The two corner SWATs exchange hand signals, counting down... They round the corner, aiming low and high. The passage is empty. The SWATs cover a fire escape, but Gordon spots at once - GORDON Manhole! He races to the manhole cover - SWATs wrench off the cover, Gordon grabs a flashlight from the nearest SWAT. GORDON You three, down with me. You two, head down to cover the next exit - SWAT Where -? GORDON Get the DWP down here, now! Gordon starts climbing down the ladder... INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon moves down the tunnel, flashlight low. Three SWATs fall in behind... 27. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake comes into the alley. Cops surround the manhole. COP Where's the DWP guy? BLAKE They went down there? FOLEY (shaking his head) And Gordon took SWAT in after them. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon hears a noise up ahead - pushes forward, rounds the corner. BANG! GUNFIRE. SWATs return fire, shots sparking off the concrete walls, then - BOOM - behind him the tunnel ERUPTS IN FIRE, blasting the SWATs. Gordon races forward, tearing through the tunnels. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake jumps back as a fireball bursts out of the manhole. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon races around a corner, gun drawn. A noise makes him turn - WHACK, he is clobbered from behind by a Thug. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake pushes forward. BLAKE Come on, we gotta get down there - COP That was a gas explosion, kid - BLAKE Gas? This is a sewer! FOLEY No one goes in there till we know what's down there. 28. BLAKE We know what's down there, sir. The Police Commissioner! FOLEY Somebody get the hothead out of here. And get me a DWP guy! Blake backs off. Gets an idea - goes for his patrol car. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Thug 1 flips Gordon onto his back. THUG 1 This one's alive. (Looks closer.) Jesus. It's the Police Commissioner. THUG 2 What do we do? THUG 1 Take him to Bane. The two Thugs drag Gordon down through the maze of tunnels. As they descend deeper they encounter work crews of muscular men wielding large drills and jackhammers, working the walls and ceiling of the larger tunnels. Some of the men are armed Mercenaries, overseeing gangs of homeless street kids. They stare as Gordon is dragged past. The Thugs drag Gordon between two waterfalls, into - INT. BANE'S LAIR, SEWERS - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT) They approach a figure, turned away, crouched in the firelight. Bare-chested, muscular, masked. Bane. A crooked line of scar tissue runs the length of his spine... BANE Why are you here? The Thugs drop Gordon at Bane's feet. THUG 1 Answer him! Bane slowly turns to the Thugs. 29. BANE I'm asking you. THUG 1 It's the Police Commissioner. BANE And you brought him down here? THUG 2 We didn't know what to do. We - BANE You panicked. And your weakness costs three lives. THUG 1 No, he's alone - Bane flips the Thug's chin up and to the side with a crack. Thug 1 drops. Bane turns to Thug 2. BANE Search him. Then I will kill you. The Thug, terrified, pulls out Gordon's badge, wallet, gun...and the folded papers of the speech he did not read. Bane takes these one by one with quick glances. He stops at the papers. Unfolds them... As he reads, Gordon rolls off the steps, dropping into the rushing flow of water - gunshots ring out... THUG 2 He's dead. Thug 2 trails off as Bane looks up from the papers... BANE Then show me his body. THUG 2 That water runs to any one of the outflows - we'd never find him. Bane turns to the Lead Mercenary. BANE Give me your GPS. Lead Mercenary hands him a GPS - Bane tucks it into Thug 2's jacket, zips it up like a mother sending her kid to school. 30. BANE Follow him. THUG 2 Follow him? Bane shoots Thug 2, kicks him into the water. Turns to Lead Mercenary. BANE Track him. Make sure both bodies will not be found. Then brick up the south tunnel. EXT. WATER TREATMENT FACILITY - NIGHT Blake comes out to the catchment basin. He spots something stuck up against the grille, thrusts his hand into the raging waters - Gordon is there, alive. Just. Blake pulls him up onto the concrete, hoists him up, hurrying... INT. FRONT HALL, WAYNE MANOR - DAY Alfred opens the door to reveal Blake in his dirty uniform. BLAKE I need to see Bruce Wayne. ALFRED I'm sorry, Mr. Wayne doesn't take unscheduled calls. Even from police officers. BLAKE And if I go get a warrant, in the investigation of Harvey Dent's murder? Would that still count as unscheduled? INT. STUDY, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Blake is sitting, drumming his leg, nervous. Wayne enters. WAYNE What can I do for you, officer? BLAKE Commissioner Gordon's been shot. 31. WAYNE I'm sorry to hear that - BLAKE He chased a gunman down into the sewers. When I pulled him out he was babbling about an underground army. A masked man called 'Bane'. WAYNE Shouldn't you be telling this to your superior officers? BLAKE I did. One of them asked if he saw any giant alligators down there. He needs you. He needs the Batman. WAYNE If Commissioner Gordon thinks I'm the Batman he must be in a bad way - BLAKE He doesn't know or care who you are. (Off look.) But we've met before. When I was a kid. At the orphanage. See, my mom died when I was small. Car accident, I don't really remember it. But a couple of years later my dad was shot over a gambling debt. I remember that just fine. (Looks at Wayne.) Not a lot of people who know what it feels like, do they? To be angry. In your bones. People understand, foster parents understand. For a while. Then they expect the angry kid to do what he knows he can never do. To move on. To forget. Wayne stares at Blake. BLAKE So they stopped understanding and sent the angry kid to a boys' home - St. Swithin's. Used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation. See, I figured it out too late. You have to hide the anger. Practice smiling in the mirror. Like putting on a mask. You showed up one day in a cool car, pretty girl on your arm. (MORE) 32. BLAKE (CONT'D) We were so excited - Bruce Wayne, billionaire orphan. We made up stories about you. Legends. The other boys' stories were just that. But when I saw you I knew who you really were... (Beat.) I'd seen that look on your face. Same one I taught myself. Blake gets up to leave. Wayne is lost in thought. BLAKE I don't know why you took the fall for Dent's murder, but I'm still a believer in the Batman. Even if you're not. WAYNE Why did you say your boys' home used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation? BLAKE Because the money stopped. Might be time to get some fresh air and start paying attention to the details. Some of those details might need your help. INT. HALL, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Wayne and Alfred watch Blake drive away. WAYNE You checked that name? 'Bane' - ALFRED Ran it through some databases. He's a mercenary. No other known name. Never been seen or photographed without a mask. He and his men were behind a coup in West Africa that secured mining operations for our friend John Daggett. WAYNE Now Daggett's brought them here? ALFRED It would seem so. I'll keep digging. 33. Alfred turns to leave. WAYNE Why did the Wayne Foundation stop funding boys' homes in the city? ALFRED The Foundation is funded from the profits of Wayne Enterprises... (Off look.) There have to be some. WAYNE Time to talk to Mr. Fox, I think. ALFRED I'll get him on the phone - WAYNE No. Do we still have any cars around the place? ALFRED (LIGHTS UP) One or two. WAYNE And I need an appointment at the hospital. About my leg. ALFRED Which hospital, sir? WAYNE Whichever one Jim Gordon's in. Alfred is less excited by this part of the request. EXT. WAYNE ENTERPRISES - DAY Moving towards the tall skyscraper downtown. MIRANDA (V.O.) Mr. Fox, I believe in what Mr. Wayne was trying to do... INT. BOARDROOM, WAYNE ENTERPRISES - CONTINUOUS Miranda is talking to Lucius Fox at the table. 34. MIRANDA I'm only asking for explanations because I think I can help. FOX I'll pass along your request. Next time I see him. Miranda catches something in this. MIRANDA He doesn't talk to you either? FOX Let's just say that Bruce Wayne has his...eccentricities. MIRANDA (RISING) Mr. Fox, are you aware that John Daggett is trying to acquire shares in Wayne Enterprises? FOX I was not. But it wouldn't do him any good - Mr. Wayne still retains a clear majority. Miranda leaves. Fox moves into his office - stops. FOX Bruce Wayne. As I live and breathe. Wayne rises, pushing hard on his cane. FOX What brings you out of cryo-sleep Mr. Wayne? WAYNE I see you haven't lost your sense of humor...even if you have lost most of my money. FOX Actually, you did that yourself. See, if you funnel the entire R and D budget for five years into a fusion project that you then mothball, your company is unlikely to thrive. 35. WAYNE Even with - FOX A wildly sophisticated CEO, yes. Wayne Enterprises is running out of time. And Daggett is moving in. WAYNE What're my options? FOX If you're not willing to turn your machine on - WAYNE I can't, Lucius. FOX Then sit tight. Your majority keeps Daggett at arm's length while we figure out a future for the energy program with Miranda Tate - she's supported your project all the way. She's smart, and quite lovely. WAYNE You too, Lucius? FOX We all just want what's best for you, Bruce. Show her the machine. WAYNE I'll think it over. FOX Anything else? WAYNE No, why? FOX These conversations always used to end with some...unusual requests. WAYNE I retired. FOX Let me show you some stuff, anyway. Fox hits a button - the bookcase opens into a hidden elevator. 36. INT. APPLIED SCIENCES - MOMENTS LATER Fox leads Wayne into the vast, gadget-filled space. They pass Tumblers with different weapons configurations... WAYNE I figured you'd have shut this place down. FOX It was always shut down, officially. WAYNE But all this new stuff? FOX After your father died, Wayne Enterprises set up fourteen different defense subsidiaries. I've spent years shuttering them and consolidating all the prototypes under one roof. My roof. WAYNE Why? FOX Stop them falling into the wrong hands. Besides, I thought someone might get some use out of them... Wayne shakes his head. FOX Sure I can't tempt you to something? Pneumatic crampons? Infrared lenses? Least let me get you something for that leg. WAYNE It's fine the use it gets these days. FOX Well, then I have just the thing for an eccentric billionaire who doesn't like to walk... Fox opens a door - we glimpse a sleek vehicle. Wayne's eyes light up. 37. WAYNE Now you're just showing off. FOX Defense Department project for tight-geometry urban pacification. Rotors configured for maneuvering between buildings without recirculation. WAYNE What's it called? FOX It has a long and uninteresting Wayne Enterprises designation. So I took to calling it the Bat. And yes, Mr. Wayne, it does come in black. Wayne touches its sleek side. Marveling. FOX Works great except for the autopilot. WAYNE What's wrong with that? FOX Software-based instability. Take a better mind than mine to fix it. WAYNE Better mind? FOX I was trying to be modest. A less busy mind. Yours, perhaps. Wayne looks wistfully at the machine. Turns away. WAYNE I told you. I retired, Lucius. INT. EXAMINATION ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - NIGHT Wayne listens, distracted, while a Doctor examines an X-ray. DOCTOR I've seen worse cartilage in knees - 38. WAYNE That's good - DOCTOR No, that's because there is no cartilage in your knee. And not much of any use in your elbows and shoulders. Between that and the scar tissue on your kidneys, residual concussive damage to your brain tissue and general scarred-over quality of your body... (Takes a deep breath.) I cannot recommend that you go heli-skiing. About the only part of your body that looks healthy is your liver, so if you're bored I recommend you take up drinking, Mr. Wayne. Wayne smiles. The Doctor leaves. Wayne pulls on a ski mask, steps to the window, hops up, pulls a wire from his cane, which he clips to his belt. He props his cane behind the frame - jumps out. The wire unspools from the cane as - EXT. TENTH FLOOR, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS Wayne drops three floors... INT. PRIVATE ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL - CONTINUOUS Gordon lies in his bed, hooked up to machines. Wayne, in ski mask, stands over him. Gordon's eyes flutter open. He tries to speak with a weak, hoarse voice... GORDON We were in this together. Then you were gone... WAYNE The Batman wasn't needed anymore. We won. GORDON Built on a lie. Our lie. Now there's evil rising from where we tried to bury it. Nobody will listen... The Batman has to come back. 39. WAYNE What if he doesn't exist anymore? GORDON He must. He must. INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI ON GOTHAM STREETS - NIGHT Wayne pulls up in front of a row of shabby subdivided town houses. Checks a tracking device. Jon, provocatively dressed, leads a Yuppie Banker-type in through a front door. INT. SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Selina sits in a small room getting ready to go out. She picks up the pearls - hears a disturbance in the hall. JEN (O.S.) I told you - money first - YUPPIE (O.S.) Goddammit, you took my wallet! INT. STAIRWELL OUTSIDE SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS The Yuppie has Jen against the wall - he reaches back to hit her with an expensive wristwatch-clad arm. But Selina has grabbed his wrist with a powerful grip. SELINA Get out. YUPPIE She took my wallet! Selina twists his arm behind him in a blinding move. SELINA Now. She releases the Yuppie, who moves off down the stairs. Selina turns to Jen. Who is examining a wallet. SELINA I told you not to try it with the assholes, Jen. JEN They're all assholes. 40. SELINA Okay, the assholes who hit. JEN I don't know what he's so upset about, he only had sixty bucks in here. SELINA Probably the watch. YOUNG WOMAN Watch? Selina opens her hand and gives Jen the Yuppie's Rolex. EXT. SELINA'S BUILDING, OLD TOWN, GOTHAM - LATER Selina exits and hails a cab. Wayne watches her go. Then pulls out. Checking his tracker. EXT. MUSEUM, GOTHAM - LATER Town cars dispense Gotham society in tasteful masquerade. Wayne pulls up to the Valet. Paparazzi line the entrance. Wayne uses his cane to get out of his Lamborghini... PAPARAZZI Another stiff too old to climb out of his sports car. PAPARAZZI 2 No, that's Bruce Wayne! Hey, Wayne, where you been hiding? Lenses swing onto Wayne, who pushes a button on his key fob - a pulse. The cameras die. Wayne heads to the door. WAYNE I'm not sure if my assistant put me on the guest list - GREETER Right through here, Mr. Wayne... 41. INT. MUSEUM - CONTINUOUS A lavish ball - the expressively attired dance under falling confetti... Even Bruce Wayne is struck by the ostentation. He spots Selina dancing with a deeply smitten Rich Twit. She wears a small, velvet pair of cat ears. And the pearls. MIRANDA (O.S) Bruce Wayne at a charity ball? Wayne turns to find Miranda Tate, amazed, a small mask her only concession to fancy dress. WAYNE Miss Tate, isn't it? MIRANDA Even before you became a recluse, you never came to these things... WAYNE True. Proceeds go to the big fat spread, not the cause. It's not about charity, it's about feeding the ego of whichever society hag laid it on. MIRANDA Actually, this is my party, Mr. Wayne. WAYNE Oh. MIRANDA And the proceeds will go where they should, because I paid for the big fat spread myself. WAYNE That's very generous of you. MIRANDA You have to invest to restore balance to the world. Take our clean-energy project... WAYNE Sometimes the investment doesn't pay off. Sorry. 42. MIRANDA You have a practiced apathy, Mr. Wayne. But a man who doesn't care about the world doesn't spend half his fortune on a plan to save it... (Gentle.) And isn't so wounded when it fails that he goes into hiding... Wayne looks at Miranda. Intrigued. MIRANDA Have a good evening, Mr. Wayne. Wayne watches Miranda glide away. Then turns to Selina. WAYNE Mind if I cut in? Rich Twit turns, annoyed - Wayne hands him his cane. Takes Selina by the waist. She glares at him. WAYNE You don't seem very happy to see me. SELINA You were supposed to be a shut-in. WAYNE Felt like some fresh air. SELINA Why didn't you call the police? WAYNE I have a powerful friend who deals with this kind of thing. (Admires her cat ears.) Brazen costume for a cat burglar. SELINA Yeah? Who are you pretending to be? WAYNE Bruce Wayne, eccentric billionaire. Who's your date? SELINA His wife's in Ibiza. She left her diamonds behind, though. Worried they'd get stolen. 43. WAYNE It's pronounced 'Ibeetha'. You wouldn't want these folks realizing you're a crook not a social climber. SELINA (flash of anger) You think I care what anyone in this room thinks about me? WAYNE I doubt you care what anyone in this room thinks about you. SELINA Don't condescend, Mr. Wayne. You don't know a thing about me. WAYNE Well, Selina Kyle, I know you came here from your walk-up in Old Town - modest place for a master jewel thief. Which means either you're saving for your retirement - or you're in deep with the wrong people. SELINA You don't get to judge me because you were born in the master bedroom of Wayne Manor. WAYNE Actually, I was born in the Regency Room. SELINA I started off doing what I had to. Once you've done what you had to they'll never let you do what you want to. WAYNE Start fresh. SELINA There's no fresh start in today's world. Any twelve-year-old with a cell phone could find out what you did. Everything we do is collated and quantified. Everything sticks. We are the sum of our mistakes. 44. WAYNE Or our achievements. SELINA The mistakes stick better. Trust me. WAYNE You think that justifies stealing? SELINA I take what I need to from those who have more than enough. I don't stand on the shoulders of people with less. WAYNE Robin Hood? SELINA I'd do more to help someone than most of the people in this room. Than you. WAYNE Maybe you're assuming too much. SELINA Or maybe you're being unrealistic about what's really in your pants other than your wallet. WAYNE Ouch. SELINA You think all this can last? Wayne glances around at the sumptuous party. SELINA There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits you're all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little to the rest of us. WAYNE Sounds like you're looking forward to it. 45. SELINA I'm adaptable. WAYNE These pearls do look better on you then they did in my safe... Wayne rolls her into his shoulder - reaches up to the back of her neck, unclasps the necklace. But I still can't let you keep them. The pearls slide off her neck into his other hand. Selina looks at him. Angry. Then kisses him, hard, and disappears into the crowd. Wayne's cane reappears. RICH TWIT (ANNOYED) You scared her off. WAYNE Not likely. EXT. MUSEUM - MOMENTS LATER Wayne approaches the Valet. Pats down his pockets. WAYNE I must have lost my ticket - VALET Your wife said you were taking a cab home, sir. WAYNE My wife? INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI RACING DOWN STREETS - CONTINUOUS Selina permits herself a little smile as she guns the engine. INT. ROLLS ROYCE - LATER Alfred watches in the mirror as Wayne climbs into the back. ALFRED Just you, sir? Wayne gives him a withering glare. (MORE) 46. ALFRED (CONT'D) Don't worry, Master Wayne. Takes a little time to get back into the swing of things. Wayne dials his phone. FOX (O.S.) This is Fox. WAYNE Remember those 'unusual requests' I used to make? FOX (O.S.) I knew it! Up front, Alfred listens. Concerned. INT. BATCAVE - DAY Wayne pushes a button on a hi-tech carbon fiber brace strapped to his good knee - the brace tones. As Wayne starts moving his knee, bending, stretching, Alfred puts down a Thermos. ALFRED You've got the wrong leg, sir. WAYNE You start with the good limb so it learns your optimum muscle patterns. Wayne swaps the brace to his bad knee. Puts his weight on it - the knee bends, kicks. He sits again. Cautious. Now we tighten it up. Wayne gingerly pushes a button - the brace starts to shrink tight to his leg, digging in. Wayne grits his teeth. ALFRED It is terribly painful? WAYNE (GRITTED TEETH) You're welcome to try it, Alfred. ALFRED Happy watching, thank you, sir. Wayne shouts as the brace clicks home. He gets to his feet. 47. WAYNE Not bad - Wayne executes a perfect roundhouse, knocking out a brick. Not bad at all. Alfred picks up the brick. Considers it. Uneasy. He follows Wayne across the bridge to the cube. ALFRED Master Wayne, if you're considering going back out there you need to hear some rumors surrounding Bane. WAYNE I'm all ears. ALFRED There is a prison. In a more ancient part of the world. A pit. Where men are thrown to suffer and die. But sometimes, a man rises from the darkness. Sometimes...the pit sends something back. WAYNE Bane. ALFRED Born and raised in a hell on earth. WAYNE Born in a prison? ALFRED No one knows why. Or how he escaped. But they know who trained him one he did...R 's al Gh l. Your A U mentor. Wayne takes this in. Shocked. ALFRED He plucked Bane from a dark corner of the earth and trained him in the blackest disciplines of combat, deception and endurance. Just like you. WAYNE Bane was a member of the League of Shadows. 48. ALFRED Until he was excommunicated. And a man considered too extreme for R 's A al Gh l is not to be trifled with. U WAYNE I didn't realize I was known for trifling with criminals. ALFRED That was then. And you can strap up your leg and put the mask back on. But it won't make you what you were. WAYNE Which was? ALFRED Someone whose anger at death made him value all life. Even his own. WAYNE If this man is all the things you say he is, then this city needs me. The Batsuit emerges from the cube. ALFRED Yes, this city needs Bruce Wayne. Your resources, your knowledge...not your body. Not your life. That time has passed. WAYNE I tried helping as Bruce Wayne, Alfred. And I failed. ALFRED You can fail as Bruce Wayne. As Batman, you can't afford to. WAYNE That's what you're afraid of - that if I go back out there I'll fail. ALFRED No. I'm afraid that you want to. Wayne looks at Alfred. Then turns to examine the Batsuit. 49. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - EVENING A frenzy of trading on the packed floor... Two Traders sit on a shoeshine stand in the lobby. TRADER 2 You can't short the stock because Bruce Wayne goes to a party - TRADER 1 Wayne coming back is change. Change is either good or bad. TRADER 2 On what basis? TRADER 1 I flipped a coin. Near the front entrance: a Food Delivery Guy is standing there negotiating with a Trader. TRADER 3 No. Rye. I told 'em rye. Trader 3 spots bad news on a screen. Alright, I'll take it. He thrusts Food Guy a tip and grabs the bag, distracted... At the rear secure entrance: a Motorcycle Courier enters, wearing his helmet - a Female Security Guard gets in his face. FEMALE SECURITY GUARD Rookie! Lose the helmet! (Points at a camera.) We need faces for cameras. In the rest room: a Janitor mops the floor, shifting out of the way of two Traders who rush in to pee. At the shoeshine stand, Trader 1 waves a bill down at the man shining his shoes without a glance. Shoeshine Man takes the bill, then, as the Traders step off, he reaches into a gym bag and checks an automatic weapon. He clicks the slide home, then hoists the gym bag and heads for the trading floor. At the secure entrance: the Courier pulls off his helmet. The Female Security Guard's eyes go wide. 50. In the rest room: the Janitor reaches into his bucket and pulls out a machine pistol in a Ziploc bag. Near the front entrance: Food Guy pulls an automatic pistol - clubs Trader 3 with it, pastrami flying. Shoeshine Man moves onto the floor, pulls out his weapon. Under the Courier's helmet - a mask. Bane. He grabs the Female Security Guard and throws her into her colleagues, lashing out in four directions with rapidfire lethality. Shoeshine Man fires into the large trading screens. The floor erupts into a different frenzy - traders hit the deck, screaming. Bane moves onto the floor... TRADER 1 This is a stock exchange, there's no money you can steal - He dries up as Bane stops. Turns to him... BANE Why else would you people be here? Bane grabs Trader 1 by the throat and drags him across the floor to an online automated trades terminal... He puts the man's thumb onto the print reader - the screen lights up. BANE Enter your password. Or I send these men to your home. Trader 1, terrified, types in his password. Outside, sirens. Shoeshine man pulls out a USB drive with an antenna - plugs it into the computer - figures race across the screen... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Police vehicles screech into the narrow street - construction vehicles are blocking. Blake argues with a burly Construction Worker. BLAKE Move it, now! We've got a situation. CONSTRUCTION WORKER Where can I move it?! BLAKE That way! Blake points - but SWAT vehicles pile in, blocking. 51. BLAKE Get in your vehicle and stay there! Foley and the SWAT Commander, Allen, approach the entrance. The Market Security Chief walks up, frantic. SECURITY CHIEF You've gotta get in there! FOLEY This is a hostage situation - SECURITY CHIEF It's a robbery! They've got direct access to the online trading desk. FOLEY I'm not risking my men for your MONEY - SECURITY CHIEF It's not our money, it's everyone's! ALLEN Really? Mine's in my mattress. SECURITY CHIEF If you don't shut these guys down, the stuffing in that mattress might be worth a whole lot less, pal. FOLEY Cut the fiber line - shut down the cell tower. That'll slow them down. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Shoeshine Man looks up from the laptop. SHOESHINE MAN They cut the fiber. Cell's working. BANE For now. How much longer does the program need? SHOESHINE MAN Eight minutes. 52. BANE Time to go mobile. Shoeshine Man picks up the laptop, slips it into his pack... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Allen shouts at his men. ALLEN Get the barriers up - no more in and out on this street! Steel wedge-shaped barriers rise up at the mouth of the street. A Sniper watches the doors through a thermal scope. Six large heat signatures bloom, too big for people... SNIPER I've got something - The door explodes. SWATs duck, six sportbikes race out and leap the ramp-like barricades, sending SWATs scattering. Cops scramble to pull their vehicles out to give chase. EXT. GOTHAM STREET - CONTINUOUS The bikes weave through traffic, Traders strapped to the back, facing backwards - screaming, ties flying in the wind. A cruiser falls in behind. ROOKIE COP Shoot the tires! A Veteran Cop sights a shot, but the Traders are in the way. VETERAN COP No shot! EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Foley is barking into his radio. FOLEY Back off, back off! They've got hostages! 53. INT./EXT. CRUISER ON GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS The cruiser follows the bike into a large tunnel. A Rookie Cop looks up into his rear-view. ROOKIE COP What's going on with the lights? The Veteran Cop looks back - streetlights and headlights are dying one after another. The darkness is chasing them - the darkness hits them. Their lights, sirens, and engine die... And, out of the silence, a dark shape roars past - VETERAN COP It can't be... ROOKIE COP The hell was that?! VETERAN COP Oh boy. You're in for a show tonight, son. EXT. HIGHWAY - CONTINUOUS Food Guy drives the rear bike. He looks back - sees streetlights explode behind him - darkness catching him up. The engine chokes and dies.

testament

How many times the word 'testament' appears in the text?

- CONTINUOUS The SWATs return fire. The Thugs lay down cover fire, then race around a corner into a smaller passage. A cop car pulls up, blocking the mouth of the alley - Gordon jumps out, gun drawn. The SWATs approach the passage, massing on both corners tactically. The two corner SWATs exchange hand signals, counting down... They round the corner, aiming low and high. The passage is empty. The SWATs cover a fire escape, but Gordon spots at once - GORDON Manhole! He races to the manhole cover - SWATs wrench off the cover, Gordon grabs a flashlight from the nearest SWAT. GORDON You three, down with me. You two, head down to cover the next exit - SWAT Where -? GORDON Get the DWP down here, now! Gordon starts climbing down the ladder... INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon moves down the tunnel, flashlight low. Three SWATs fall in behind... 27. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake comes into the alley. Cops surround the manhole. COP Where's the DWP guy? BLAKE They went down there? FOLEY (shaking his head) And Gordon took SWAT in after them. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon hears a noise up ahead - pushes forward, rounds the corner. BANG! GUNFIRE. SWATs return fire, shots sparking off the concrete walls, then - BOOM - behind him the tunnel ERUPTS IN FIRE, blasting the SWATs. Gordon races forward, tearing through the tunnels. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake jumps back as a fireball bursts out of the manhole. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon races around a corner, gun drawn. A noise makes him turn - WHACK, he is clobbered from behind by a Thug. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake pushes forward. BLAKE Come on, we gotta get down there - COP That was a gas explosion, kid - BLAKE Gas? This is a sewer! FOLEY No one goes in there till we know what's down there. 28. BLAKE We know what's down there, sir. The Police Commissioner! FOLEY Somebody get the hothead out of here. And get me a DWP guy! Blake backs off. Gets an idea - goes for his patrol car. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Thug 1 flips Gordon onto his back. THUG 1 This one's alive. (Looks closer.) Jesus. It's the Police Commissioner. THUG 2 What do we do? THUG 1 Take him to Bane. The two Thugs drag Gordon down through the maze of tunnels. As they descend deeper they encounter work crews of muscular men wielding large drills and jackhammers, working the walls and ceiling of the larger tunnels. Some of the men are armed Mercenaries, overseeing gangs of homeless street kids. They stare as Gordon is dragged past. The Thugs drag Gordon between two waterfalls, into - INT. BANE'S LAIR, SEWERS - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT) They approach a figure, turned away, crouched in the firelight. Bare-chested, muscular, masked. Bane. A crooked line of scar tissue runs the length of his spine... BANE Why are you here? The Thugs drop Gordon at Bane's feet. THUG 1 Answer him! Bane slowly turns to the Thugs. 29. BANE I'm asking you. THUG 1 It's the Police Commissioner. BANE And you brought him down here? THUG 2 We didn't know what to do. We - BANE You panicked. And your weakness costs three lives. THUG 1 No, he's alone - Bane flips the Thug's chin up and to the side with a crack. Thug 1 drops. Bane turns to Thug 2. BANE Search him. Then I will kill you. The Thug, terrified, pulls out Gordon's badge, wallet, gun...and the folded papers of the speech he did not read. Bane takes these one by one with quick glances. He stops at the papers. Unfolds them... As he reads, Gordon rolls off the steps, dropping into the rushing flow of water - gunshots ring out... THUG 2 He's dead. Thug 2 trails off as Bane looks up from the papers... BANE Then show me his body. THUG 2 That water runs to any one of the outflows - we'd never find him. Bane turns to the Lead Mercenary. BANE Give me your GPS. Lead Mercenary hands him a GPS - Bane tucks it into Thug 2's jacket, zips it up like a mother sending her kid to school. 30. BANE Follow him. THUG 2 Follow him? Bane shoots Thug 2, kicks him into the water. Turns to Lead Mercenary. BANE Track him. Make sure both bodies will not be found. Then brick up the south tunnel. EXT. WATER TREATMENT FACILITY - NIGHT Blake comes out to the catchment basin. He spots something stuck up against the grille, thrusts his hand into the raging waters - Gordon is there, alive. Just. Blake pulls him up onto the concrete, hoists him up, hurrying... INT. FRONT HALL, WAYNE MANOR - DAY Alfred opens the door to reveal Blake in his dirty uniform. BLAKE I need to see Bruce Wayne. ALFRED I'm sorry, Mr. Wayne doesn't take unscheduled calls. Even from police officers. BLAKE And if I go get a warrant, in the investigation of Harvey Dent's murder? Would that still count as unscheduled? INT. STUDY, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Blake is sitting, drumming his leg, nervous. Wayne enters. WAYNE What can I do for you, officer? BLAKE Commissioner Gordon's been shot. 31. WAYNE I'm sorry to hear that - BLAKE He chased a gunman down into the sewers. When I pulled him out he was babbling about an underground army. A masked man called 'Bane'. WAYNE Shouldn't you be telling this to your superior officers? BLAKE I did. One of them asked if he saw any giant alligators down there. He needs you. He needs the Batman. WAYNE If Commissioner Gordon thinks I'm the Batman he must be in a bad way - BLAKE He doesn't know or care who you are. (Off look.) But we've met before. When I was a kid. At the orphanage. See, my mom died when I was small. Car accident, I don't really remember it. But a couple of years later my dad was shot over a gambling debt. I remember that just fine. (Looks at Wayne.) Not a lot of people who know what it feels like, do they? To be angry. In your bones. People understand, foster parents understand. For a while. Then they expect the angry kid to do what he knows he can never do. To move on. To forget. Wayne stares at Blake. BLAKE So they stopped understanding and sent the angry kid to a boys' home - St. Swithin's. Used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation. See, I figured it out too late. You have to hide the anger. Practice smiling in the mirror. Like putting on a mask. You showed up one day in a cool car, pretty girl on your arm. (MORE) 32. BLAKE (CONT'D) We were so excited - Bruce Wayne, billionaire orphan. We made up stories about you. Legends. The other boys' stories were just that. But when I saw you I knew who you really were... (Beat.) I'd seen that look on your face. Same one I taught myself. Blake gets up to leave. Wayne is lost in thought. BLAKE I don't know why you took the fall for Dent's murder, but I'm still a believer in the Batman. Even if you're not. WAYNE Why did you say your boys' home used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation? BLAKE Because the money stopped. Might be time to get some fresh air and start paying attention to the details. Some of those details might need your help. INT. HALL, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Wayne and Alfred watch Blake drive away. WAYNE You checked that name? 'Bane' - ALFRED Ran it through some databases. He's a mercenary. No other known name. Never been seen or photographed without a mask. He and his men were behind a coup in West Africa that secured mining operations for our friend John Daggett. WAYNE Now Daggett's brought them here? ALFRED It would seem so. I'll keep digging. 33. Alfred turns to leave. WAYNE Why did the Wayne Foundation stop funding boys' homes in the city? ALFRED The Foundation is funded from the profits of Wayne Enterprises... (Off look.) There have to be some. WAYNE Time to talk to Mr. Fox, I think. ALFRED I'll get him on the phone - WAYNE No. Do we still have any cars around the place? ALFRED (LIGHTS UP) One or two. WAYNE And I need an appointment at the hospital. About my leg. ALFRED Which hospital, sir? WAYNE Whichever one Jim Gordon's in. Alfred is less excited by this part of the request. EXT. WAYNE ENTERPRISES - DAY Moving towards the tall skyscraper downtown. MIRANDA (V.O.) Mr. Fox, I believe in what Mr. Wayne was trying to do... INT. BOARDROOM, WAYNE ENTERPRISES - CONTINUOUS Miranda is talking to Lucius Fox at the table. 34. MIRANDA I'm only asking for explanations because I think I can help. FOX I'll pass along your request. Next time I see him. Miranda catches something in this. MIRANDA He doesn't talk to you either? FOX Let's just say that Bruce Wayne has his...eccentricities. MIRANDA (RISING) Mr. Fox, are you aware that John Daggett is trying to acquire shares in Wayne Enterprises? FOX I was not. But it wouldn't do him any good - Mr. Wayne still retains a clear majority. Miranda leaves. Fox moves into his office - stops. FOX Bruce Wayne. As I live and breathe. Wayne rises, pushing hard on his cane. FOX What brings you out of cryo-sleep Mr. Wayne? WAYNE I see you haven't lost your sense of humor...even if you have lost most of my money. FOX Actually, you did that yourself. See, if you funnel the entire R and D budget for five years into a fusion project that you then mothball, your company is unlikely to thrive. 35. WAYNE Even with - FOX A wildly sophisticated CEO, yes. Wayne Enterprises is running out of time. And Daggett is moving in. WAYNE What're my options? FOX If you're not willing to turn your machine on - WAYNE I can't, Lucius. FOX Then sit tight. Your majority keeps Daggett at arm's length while we figure out a future for the energy program with Miranda Tate - she's supported your project all the way. She's smart, and quite lovely. WAYNE You too, Lucius? FOX We all just want what's best for you, Bruce. Show her the machine. WAYNE I'll think it over. FOX Anything else? WAYNE No, why? FOX These conversations always used to end with some...unusual requests. WAYNE I retired. FOX Let me show you some stuff, anyway. Fox hits a button - the bookcase opens into a hidden elevator. 36. INT. APPLIED SCIENCES - MOMENTS LATER Fox leads Wayne into the vast, gadget-filled space. They pass Tumblers with different weapons configurations... WAYNE I figured you'd have shut this place down. FOX It was always shut down, officially. WAYNE But all this new stuff? FOX After your father died, Wayne Enterprises set up fourteen different defense subsidiaries. I've spent years shuttering them and consolidating all the prototypes under one roof. My roof. WAYNE Why? FOX Stop them falling into the wrong hands. Besides, I thought someone might get some use out of them... Wayne shakes his head. FOX Sure I can't tempt you to something? Pneumatic crampons? Infrared lenses? Least let me get you something for that leg. WAYNE It's fine the use it gets these days. FOX Well, then I have just the thing for an eccentric billionaire who doesn't like to walk... Fox opens a door - we glimpse a sleek vehicle. Wayne's eyes light up. 37. WAYNE Now you're just showing off. FOX Defense Department project for tight-geometry urban pacification. Rotors configured for maneuvering between buildings without recirculation. WAYNE What's it called? FOX It has a long and uninteresting Wayne Enterprises designation. So I took to calling it the Bat. And yes, Mr. Wayne, it does come in black. Wayne touches its sleek side. Marveling. FOX Works great except for the autopilot. WAYNE What's wrong with that? FOX Software-based instability. Take a better mind than mine to fix it. WAYNE Better mind? FOX I was trying to be modest. A less busy mind. Yours, perhaps. Wayne looks wistfully at the machine. Turns away. WAYNE I told you. I retired, Lucius. INT. EXAMINATION ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - NIGHT Wayne listens, distracted, while a Doctor examines an X-ray. DOCTOR I've seen worse cartilage in knees - 38. WAYNE That's good - DOCTOR No, that's because there is no cartilage in your knee. And not much of any use in your elbows and shoulders. Between that and the scar tissue on your kidneys, residual concussive damage to your brain tissue and general scarred-over quality of your body... (Takes a deep breath.) I cannot recommend that you go heli-skiing. About the only part of your body that looks healthy is your liver, so if you're bored I recommend you take up drinking, Mr. Wayne. Wayne smiles. The Doctor leaves. Wayne pulls on a ski mask, steps to the window, hops up, pulls a wire from his cane, which he clips to his belt. He props his cane behind the frame - jumps out. The wire unspools from the cane as - EXT. TENTH FLOOR, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS Wayne drops three floors... INT. PRIVATE ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL - CONTINUOUS Gordon lies in his bed, hooked up to machines. Wayne, in ski mask, stands over him. Gordon's eyes flutter open. He tries to speak with a weak, hoarse voice... GORDON We were in this together. Then you were gone... WAYNE The Batman wasn't needed anymore. We won. GORDON Built on a lie. Our lie. Now there's evil rising from where we tried to bury it. Nobody will listen... The Batman has to come back. 39. WAYNE What if he doesn't exist anymore? GORDON He must. He must. INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI ON GOTHAM STREETS - NIGHT Wayne pulls up in front of a row of shabby subdivided town houses. Checks a tracking device. Jon, provocatively dressed, leads a Yuppie Banker-type in through a front door. INT. SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Selina sits in a small room getting ready to go out. She picks up the pearls - hears a disturbance in the hall. JEN (O.S.) I told you - money first - YUPPIE (O.S.) Goddammit, you took my wallet! INT. STAIRWELL OUTSIDE SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS The Yuppie has Jen against the wall - he reaches back to hit her with an expensive wristwatch-clad arm. But Selina has grabbed his wrist with a powerful grip. SELINA Get out. YUPPIE She took my wallet! Selina twists his arm behind him in a blinding move. SELINA Now. She releases the Yuppie, who moves off down the stairs. Selina turns to Jen. Who is examining a wallet. SELINA I told you not to try it with the assholes, Jen. JEN They're all assholes. 40. SELINA Okay, the assholes who hit. JEN I don't know what he's so upset about, he only had sixty bucks in here. SELINA Probably the watch. YOUNG WOMAN Watch? Selina opens her hand and gives Jen the Yuppie's Rolex. EXT. SELINA'S BUILDING, OLD TOWN, GOTHAM - LATER Selina exits and hails a cab. Wayne watches her go. Then pulls out. Checking his tracker. EXT. MUSEUM, GOTHAM - LATER Town cars dispense Gotham society in tasteful masquerade. Wayne pulls up to the Valet. Paparazzi line the entrance. Wayne uses his cane to get out of his Lamborghini... PAPARAZZI Another stiff too old to climb out of his sports car. PAPARAZZI 2 No, that's Bruce Wayne! Hey, Wayne, where you been hiding? Lenses swing onto Wayne, who pushes a button on his key fob - a pulse. The cameras die. Wayne heads to the door. WAYNE I'm not sure if my assistant put me on the guest list - GREETER Right through here, Mr. Wayne... 41. INT. MUSEUM - CONTINUOUS A lavish ball - the expressively attired dance under falling confetti... Even Bruce Wayne is struck by the ostentation. He spots Selina dancing with a deeply smitten Rich Twit. She wears a small, velvet pair of cat ears. And the pearls. MIRANDA (O.S) Bruce Wayne at a charity ball? Wayne turns to find Miranda Tate, amazed, a small mask her only concession to fancy dress. WAYNE Miss Tate, isn't it? MIRANDA Even before you became a recluse, you never came to these things... WAYNE True. Proceeds go to the big fat spread, not the cause. It's not about charity, it's about feeding the ego of whichever society hag laid it on. MIRANDA Actually, this is my party, Mr. Wayne. WAYNE Oh. MIRANDA And the proceeds will go where they should, because I paid for the big fat spread myself. WAYNE That's very generous of you. MIRANDA You have to invest to restore balance to the world. Take our clean-energy project... WAYNE Sometimes the investment doesn't pay off. Sorry. 42. MIRANDA You have a practiced apathy, Mr. Wayne. But a man who doesn't care about the world doesn't spend half his fortune on a plan to save it... (Gentle.) And isn't so wounded when it fails that he goes into hiding... Wayne looks at Miranda. Intrigued. MIRANDA Have a good evening, Mr. Wayne. Wayne watches Miranda glide away. Then turns to Selina. WAYNE Mind if I cut in? Rich Twit turns, annoyed - Wayne hands him his cane. Takes Selina by the waist. She glares at him. WAYNE You don't seem very happy to see me. SELINA You were supposed to be a shut-in. WAYNE Felt like some fresh air. SELINA Why didn't you call the police? WAYNE I have a powerful friend who deals with this kind of thing. (Admires her cat ears.) Brazen costume for a cat burglar. SELINA Yeah? Who are you pretending to be? WAYNE Bruce Wayne, eccentric billionaire. Who's your date? SELINA His wife's in Ibiza. She left her diamonds behind, though. Worried they'd get stolen. 43. WAYNE It's pronounced 'Ibeetha'. You wouldn't want these folks realizing you're a crook not a social climber. SELINA (flash of anger) You think I care what anyone in this room thinks about me? WAYNE I doubt you care what anyone in this room thinks about you. SELINA Don't condescend, Mr. Wayne. You don't know a thing about me. WAYNE Well, Selina Kyle, I know you came here from your walk-up in Old Town - modest place for a master jewel thief. Which means either you're saving for your retirement - or you're in deep with the wrong people. SELINA You don't get to judge me because you were born in the master bedroom of Wayne Manor. WAYNE Actually, I was born in the Regency Room. SELINA I started off doing what I had to. Once you've done what you had to they'll never let you do what you want to. WAYNE Start fresh. SELINA There's no fresh start in today's world. Any twelve-year-old with a cell phone could find out what you did. Everything we do is collated and quantified. Everything sticks. We are the sum of our mistakes. 44. WAYNE Or our achievements. SELINA The mistakes stick better. Trust me. WAYNE You think that justifies stealing? SELINA I take what I need to from those who have more than enough. I don't stand on the shoulders of people with less. WAYNE Robin Hood? SELINA I'd do more to help someone than most of the people in this room. Than you. WAYNE Maybe you're assuming too much. SELINA Or maybe you're being unrealistic about what's really in your pants other than your wallet. WAYNE Ouch. SELINA You think all this can last? Wayne glances around at the sumptuous party. SELINA There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits you're all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little to the rest of us. WAYNE Sounds like you're looking forward to it. 45. SELINA I'm adaptable. WAYNE These pearls do look better on you then they did in my safe... Wayne rolls her into his shoulder - reaches up to the back of her neck, unclasps the necklace. But I still can't let you keep them. The pearls slide off her neck into his other hand. Selina looks at him. Angry. Then kisses him, hard, and disappears into the crowd. Wayne's cane reappears. RICH TWIT (ANNOYED) You scared her off. WAYNE Not likely. EXT. MUSEUM - MOMENTS LATER Wayne approaches the Valet. Pats down his pockets. WAYNE I must have lost my ticket - VALET Your wife said you were taking a cab home, sir. WAYNE My wife? INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI RACING DOWN STREETS - CONTINUOUS Selina permits herself a little smile as she guns the engine. INT. ROLLS ROYCE - LATER Alfred watches in the mirror as Wayne climbs into the back. ALFRED Just you, sir? Wayne gives him a withering glare. (MORE) 46. ALFRED (CONT'D) Don't worry, Master Wayne. Takes a little time to get back into the swing of things. Wayne dials his phone. FOX (O.S.) This is Fox. WAYNE Remember those 'unusual requests' I used to make? FOX (O.S.) I knew it! Up front, Alfred listens. Concerned. INT. BATCAVE - DAY Wayne pushes a button on a hi-tech carbon fiber brace strapped to his good knee - the brace tones. As Wayne starts moving his knee, bending, stretching, Alfred puts down a Thermos. ALFRED You've got the wrong leg, sir. WAYNE You start with the good limb so it learns your optimum muscle patterns. Wayne swaps the brace to his bad knee. Puts his weight on it - the knee bends, kicks. He sits again. Cautious. Now we tighten it up. Wayne gingerly pushes a button - the brace starts to shrink tight to his leg, digging in. Wayne grits his teeth. ALFRED It is terribly painful? WAYNE (GRITTED TEETH) You're welcome to try it, Alfred. ALFRED Happy watching, thank you, sir. Wayne shouts as the brace clicks home. He gets to his feet. 47. WAYNE Not bad - Wayne executes a perfect roundhouse, knocking out a brick. Not bad at all. Alfred picks up the brick. Considers it. Uneasy. He follows Wayne across the bridge to the cube. ALFRED Master Wayne, if you're considering going back out there you need to hear some rumors surrounding Bane. WAYNE I'm all ears. ALFRED There is a prison. In a more ancient part of the world. A pit. Where men are thrown to suffer and die. But sometimes, a man rises from the darkness. Sometimes...the pit sends something back. WAYNE Bane. ALFRED Born and raised in a hell on earth. WAYNE Born in a prison? ALFRED No one knows why. Or how he escaped. But they know who trained him one he did...R 's al Gh l. Your A U mentor. Wayne takes this in. Shocked. ALFRED He plucked Bane from a dark corner of the earth and trained him in the blackest disciplines of combat, deception and endurance. Just like you. WAYNE Bane was a member of the League of Shadows. 48. ALFRED Until he was excommunicated. And a man considered too extreme for R 's A al Gh l is not to be trifled with. U WAYNE I didn't realize I was known for trifling with criminals. ALFRED That was then. And you can strap up your leg and put the mask back on. But it won't make you what you were. WAYNE Which was? ALFRED Someone whose anger at death made him value all life. Even his own. WAYNE If this man is all the things you say he is, then this city needs me. The Batsuit emerges from the cube. ALFRED Yes, this city needs Bruce Wayne. Your resources, your knowledge...not your body. Not your life. That time has passed. WAYNE I tried helping as Bruce Wayne, Alfred. And I failed. ALFRED You can fail as Bruce Wayne. As Batman, you can't afford to. WAYNE That's what you're afraid of - that if I go back out there I'll fail. ALFRED No. I'm afraid that you want to. Wayne looks at Alfred. Then turns to examine the Batsuit. 49. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - EVENING A frenzy of trading on the packed floor... Two Traders sit on a shoeshine stand in the lobby. TRADER 2 You can't short the stock because Bruce Wayne goes to a party - TRADER 1 Wayne coming back is change. Change is either good or bad. TRADER 2 On what basis? TRADER 1 I flipped a coin. Near the front entrance: a Food Delivery Guy is standing there negotiating with a Trader. TRADER 3 No. Rye. I told 'em rye. Trader 3 spots bad news on a screen. Alright, I'll take it. He thrusts Food Guy a tip and grabs the bag, distracted... At the rear secure entrance: a Motorcycle Courier enters, wearing his helmet - a Female Security Guard gets in his face. FEMALE SECURITY GUARD Rookie! Lose the helmet! (Points at a camera.) We need faces for cameras. In the rest room: a Janitor mops the floor, shifting out of the way of two Traders who rush in to pee. At the shoeshine stand, Trader 1 waves a bill down at the man shining his shoes without a glance. Shoeshine Man takes the bill, then, as the Traders step off, he reaches into a gym bag and checks an automatic weapon. He clicks the slide home, then hoists the gym bag and heads for the trading floor. At the secure entrance: the Courier pulls off his helmet. The Female Security Guard's eyes go wide. 50. In the rest room: the Janitor reaches into his bucket and pulls out a machine pistol in a Ziploc bag. Near the front entrance: Food Guy pulls an automatic pistol - clubs Trader 3 with it, pastrami flying. Shoeshine Man moves onto the floor, pulls out his weapon. Under the Courier's helmet - a mask. Bane. He grabs the Female Security Guard and throws her into her colleagues, lashing out in four directions with rapidfire lethality. Shoeshine Man fires into the large trading screens. The floor erupts into a different frenzy - traders hit the deck, screaming. Bane moves onto the floor... TRADER 1 This is a stock exchange, there's no money you can steal - He dries up as Bane stops. Turns to him... BANE Why else would you people be here? Bane grabs Trader 1 by the throat and drags him across the floor to an online automated trades terminal... He puts the man's thumb onto the print reader - the screen lights up. BANE Enter your password. Or I send these men to your home. Trader 1, terrified, types in his password. Outside, sirens. Shoeshine man pulls out a USB drive with an antenna - plugs it into the computer - figures race across the screen... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Police vehicles screech into the narrow street - construction vehicles are blocking. Blake argues with a burly Construction Worker. BLAKE Move it, now! We've got a situation. CONSTRUCTION WORKER Where can I move it?! BLAKE That way! Blake points - but SWAT vehicles pile in, blocking. 51. BLAKE Get in your vehicle and stay there! Foley and the SWAT Commander, Allen, approach the entrance. The Market Security Chief walks up, frantic. SECURITY CHIEF You've gotta get in there! FOLEY This is a hostage situation - SECURITY CHIEF It's a robbery! They've got direct access to the online trading desk. FOLEY I'm not risking my men for your MONEY - SECURITY CHIEF It's not our money, it's everyone's! ALLEN Really? Mine's in my mattress. SECURITY CHIEF If you don't shut these guys down, the stuffing in that mattress might be worth a whole lot less, pal. FOLEY Cut the fiber line - shut down the cell tower. That'll slow them down. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Shoeshine Man looks up from the laptop. SHOESHINE MAN They cut the fiber. Cell's working. BANE For now. How much longer does the program need? SHOESHINE MAN Eight minutes. 52. BANE Time to go mobile. Shoeshine Man picks up the laptop, slips it into his pack... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Allen shouts at his men. ALLEN Get the barriers up - no more in and out on this street! Steel wedge-shaped barriers rise up at the mouth of the street. A Sniper watches the doors through a thermal scope. Six large heat signatures bloom, too big for people... SNIPER I've got something - The door explodes. SWATs duck, six sportbikes race out and leap the ramp-like barricades, sending SWATs scattering. Cops scramble to pull their vehicles out to give chase. EXT. GOTHAM STREET - CONTINUOUS The bikes weave through traffic, Traders strapped to the back, facing backwards - screaming, ties flying in the wind. A cruiser falls in behind. ROOKIE COP Shoot the tires! A Veteran Cop sights a shot, but the Traders are in the way. VETERAN COP No shot! EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Foley is barking into his radio. FOLEY Back off, back off! They've got hostages! 53. INT./EXT. CRUISER ON GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS The cruiser follows the bike into a large tunnel. A Rookie Cop looks up into his rear-view. ROOKIE COP What's going on with the lights? The Veteran Cop looks back - streetlights and headlights are dying one after another. The darkness is chasing them - the darkness hits them. Their lights, sirens, and engine die... And, out of the silence, a dark shape roars past - VETERAN COP It can't be... ROOKIE COP The hell was that?! VETERAN COP Oh boy. You're in for a show tonight, son. EXT. HIGHWAY - CONTINUOUS Food Guy drives the rear bike. He looks back - sees streetlights explode behind him - darkness catching him up. The engine chokes and dies.

machine

How many times the word 'machine' appears in the text?

- CONTINUOUS The SWATs return fire. The Thugs lay down cover fire, then race around a corner into a smaller passage. A cop car pulls up, blocking the mouth of the alley - Gordon jumps out, gun drawn. The SWATs approach the passage, massing on both corners tactically. The two corner SWATs exchange hand signals, counting down... They round the corner, aiming low and high. The passage is empty. The SWATs cover a fire escape, but Gordon spots at once - GORDON Manhole! He races to the manhole cover - SWATs wrench off the cover, Gordon grabs a flashlight from the nearest SWAT. GORDON You three, down with me. You two, head down to cover the next exit - SWAT Where -? GORDON Get the DWP down here, now! Gordon starts climbing down the ladder... INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon moves down the tunnel, flashlight low. Three SWATs fall in behind... 27. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake comes into the alley. Cops surround the manhole. COP Where's the DWP guy? BLAKE They went down there? FOLEY (shaking his head) And Gordon took SWAT in after them. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon hears a noise up ahead - pushes forward, rounds the corner. BANG! GUNFIRE. SWATs return fire, shots sparking off the concrete walls, then - BOOM - behind him the tunnel ERUPTS IN FIRE, blasting the SWATs. Gordon races forward, tearing through the tunnels. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake jumps back as a fireball bursts out of the manhole. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon races around a corner, gun drawn. A noise makes him turn - WHACK, he is clobbered from behind by a Thug. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake pushes forward. BLAKE Come on, we gotta get down there - COP That was a gas explosion, kid - BLAKE Gas? This is a sewer! FOLEY No one goes in there till we know what's down there. 28. BLAKE We know what's down there, sir. The Police Commissioner! FOLEY Somebody get the hothead out of here. And get me a DWP guy! Blake backs off. Gets an idea - goes for his patrol car. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Thug 1 flips Gordon onto his back. THUG 1 This one's alive. (Looks closer.) Jesus. It's the Police Commissioner. THUG 2 What do we do? THUG 1 Take him to Bane. The two Thugs drag Gordon down through the maze of tunnels. As they descend deeper they encounter work crews of muscular men wielding large drills and jackhammers, working the walls and ceiling of the larger tunnels. Some of the men are armed Mercenaries, overseeing gangs of homeless street kids. They stare as Gordon is dragged past. The Thugs drag Gordon between two waterfalls, into - INT. BANE'S LAIR, SEWERS - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT) They approach a figure, turned away, crouched in the firelight. Bare-chested, muscular, masked. Bane. A crooked line of scar tissue runs the length of his spine... BANE Why are you here? The Thugs drop Gordon at Bane's feet. THUG 1 Answer him! Bane slowly turns to the Thugs. 29. BANE I'm asking you. THUG 1 It's the Police Commissioner. BANE And you brought him down here? THUG 2 We didn't know what to do. We - BANE You panicked. And your weakness costs three lives. THUG 1 No, he's alone - Bane flips the Thug's chin up and to the side with a crack. Thug 1 drops. Bane turns to Thug 2. BANE Search him. Then I will kill you. The Thug, terrified, pulls out Gordon's badge, wallet, gun...and the folded papers of the speech he did not read. Bane takes these one by one with quick glances. He stops at the papers. Unfolds them... As he reads, Gordon rolls off the steps, dropping into the rushing flow of water - gunshots ring out... THUG 2 He's dead. Thug 2 trails off as Bane looks up from the papers... BANE Then show me his body. THUG 2 That water runs to any one of the outflows - we'd never find him. Bane turns to the Lead Mercenary. BANE Give me your GPS. Lead Mercenary hands him a GPS - Bane tucks it into Thug 2's jacket, zips it up like a mother sending her kid to school. 30. BANE Follow him. THUG 2 Follow him? Bane shoots Thug 2, kicks him into the water. Turns to Lead Mercenary. BANE Track him. Make sure both bodies will not be found. Then brick up the south tunnel. EXT. WATER TREATMENT FACILITY - NIGHT Blake comes out to the catchment basin. He spots something stuck up against the grille, thrusts his hand into the raging waters - Gordon is there, alive. Just. Blake pulls him up onto the concrete, hoists him up, hurrying... INT. FRONT HALL, WAYNE MANOR - DAY Alfred opens the door to reveal Blake in his dirty uniform. BLAKE I need to see Bruce Wayne. ALFRED I'm sorry, Mr. Wayne doesn't take unscheduled calls. Even from police officers. BLAKE And if I go get a warrant, in the investigation of Harvey Dent's murder? Would that still count as unscheduled? INT. STUDY, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Blake is sitting, drumming his leg, nervous. Wayne enters. WAYNE What can I do for you, officer? BLAKE Commissioner Gordon's been shot. 31. WAYNE I'm sorry to hear that - BLAKE He chased a gunman down into the sewers. When I pulled him out he was babbling about an underground army. A masked man called 'Bane'. WAYNE Shouldn't you be telling this to your superior officers? BLAKE I did. One of them asked if he saw any giant alligators down there. He needs you. He needs the Batman. WAYNE If Commissioner Gordon thinks I'm the Batman he must be in a bad way - BLAKE He doesn't know or care who you are. (Off look.) But we've met before. When I was a kid. At the orphanage. See, my mom died when I was small. Car accident, I don't really remember it. But a couple of years later my dad was shot over a gambling debt. I remember that just fine. (Looks at Wayne.) Not a lot of people who know what it feels like, do they? To be angry. In your bones. People understand, foster parents understand. For a while. Then they expect the angry kid to do what he knows he can never do. To move on. To forget. Wayne stares at Blake. BLAKE So they stopped understanding and sent the angry kid to a boys' home - St. Swithin's. Used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation. See, I figured it out too late. You have to hide the anger. Practice smiling in the mirror. Like putting on a mask. You showed up one day in a cool car, pretty girl on your arm. (MORE) 32. BLAKE (CONT'D) We were so excited - Bruce Wayne, billionaire orphan. We made up stories about you. Legends. The other boys' stories were just that. But when I saw you I knew who you really were... (Beat.) I'd seen that look on your face. Same one I taught myself. Blake gets up to leave. Wayne is lost in thought. BLAKE I don't know why you took the fall for Dent's murder, but I'm still a believer in the Batman. Even if you're not. WAYNE Why did you say your boys' home used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation? BLAKE Because the money stopped. Might be time to get some fresh air and start paying attention to the details. Some of those details might need your help. INT. HALL, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Wayne and Alfred watch Blake drive away. WAYNE You checked that name? 'Bane' - ALFRED Ran it through some databases. He's a mercenary. No other known name. Never been seen or photographed without a mask. He and his men were behind a coup in West Africa that secured mining operations for our friend John Daggett. WAYNE Now Daggett's brought them here? ALFRED It would seem so. I'll keep digging. 33. Alfred turns to leave. WAYNE Why did the Wayne Foundation stop funding boys' homes in the city? ALFRED The Foundation is funded from the profits of Wayne Enterprises... (Off look.) There have to be some. WAYNE Time to talk to Mr. Fox, I think. ALFRED I'll get him on the phone - WAYNE No. Do we still have any cars around the place? ALFRED (LIGHTS UP) One or two. WAYNE And I need an appointment at the hospital. About my leg. ALFRED Which hospital, sir? WAYNE Whichever one Jim Gordon's in. Alfred is less excited by this part of the request. EXT. WAYNE ENTERPRISES - DAY Moving towards the tall skyscraper downtown. MIRANDA (V.O.) Mr. Fox, I believe in what Mr. Wayne was trying to do... INT. BOARDROOM, WAYNE ENTERPRISES - CONTINUOUS Miranda is talking to Lucius Fox at the table. 34. MIRANDA I'm only asking for explanations because I think I can help. FOX I'll pass along your request. Next time I see him. Miranda catches something in this. MIRANDA He doesn't talk to you either? FOX Let's just say that Bruce Wayne has his...eccentricities. MIRANDA (RISING) Mr. Fox, are you aware that John Daggett is trying to acquire shares in Wayne Enterprises? FOX I was not. But it wouldn't do him any good - Mr. Wayne still retains a clear majority. Miranda leaves. Fox moves into his office - stops. FOX Bruce Wayne. As I live and breathe. Wayne rises, pushing hard on his cane. FOX What brings you out of cryo-sleep Mr. Wayne? WAYNE I see you haven't lost your sense of humor...even if you have lost most of my money. FOX Actually, you did that yourself. See, if you funnel the entire R and D budget for five years into a fusion project that you then mothball, your company is unlikely to thrive. 35. WAYNE Even with - FOX A wildly sophisticated CEO, yes. Wayne Enterprises is running out of time. And Daggett is moving in. WAYNE What're my options? FOX If you're not willing to turn your machine on - WAYNE I can't, Lucius. FOX Then sit tight. Your majority keeps Daggett at arm's length while we figure out a future for the energy program with Miranda Tate - she's supported your project all the way. She's smart, and quite lovely. WAYNE You too, Lucius? FOX We all just want what's best for you, Bruce. Show her the machine. WAYNE I'll think it over. FOX Anything else? WAYNE No, why? FOX These conversations always used to end with some...unusual requests. WAYNE I retired. FOX Let me show you some stuff, anyway. Fox hits a button - the bookcase opens into a hidden elevator. 36. INT. APPLIED SCIENCES - MOMENTS LATER Fox leads Wayne into the vast, gadget-filled space. They pass Tumblers with different weapons configurations... WAYNE I figured you'd have shut this place down. FOX It was always shut down, officially. WAYNE But all this new stuff? FOX After your father died, Wayne Enterprises set up fourteen different defense subsidiaries. I've spent years shuttering them and consolidating all the prototypes under one roof. My roof. WAYNE Why? FOX Stop them falling into the wrong hands. Besides, I thought someone might get some use out of them... Wayne shakes his head. FOX Sure I can't tempt you to something? Pneumatic crampons? Infrared lenses? Least let me get you something for that leg. WAYNE It's fine the use it gets these days. FOX Well, then I have just the thing for an eccentric billionaire who doesn't like to walk... Fox opens a door - we glimpse a sleek vehicle. Wayne's eyes light up. 37. WAYNE Now you're just showing off. FOX Defense Department project for tight-geometry urban pacification. Rotors configured for maneuvering between buildings without recirculation. WAYNE What's it called? FOX It has a long and uninteresting Wayne Enterprises designation. So I took to calling it the Bat. And yes, Mr. Wayne, it does come in black. Wayne touches its sleek side. Marveling. FOX Works great except for the autopilot. WAYNE What's wrong with that? FOX Software-based instability. Take a better mind than mine to fix it. WAYNE Better mind? FOX I was trying to be modest. A less busy mind. Yours, perhaps. Wayne looks wistfully at the machine. Turns away. WAYNE I told you. I retired, Lucius. INT. EXAMINATION ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - NIGHT Wayne listens, distracted, while a Doctor examines an X-ray. DOCTOR I've seen worse cartilage in knees - 38. WAYNE That's good - DOCTOR No, that's because there is no cartilage in your knee. And not much of any use in your elbows and shoulders. Between that and the scar tissue on your kidneys, residual concussive damage to your brain tissue and general scarred-over quality of your body... (Takes a deep breath.) I cannot recommend that you go heli-skiing. About the only part of your body that looks healthy is your liver, so if you're bored I recommend you take up drinking, Mr. Wayne. Wayne smiles. The Doctor leaves. Wayne pulls on a ski mask, steps to the window, hops up, pulls a wire from his cane, which he clips to his belt. He props his cane behind the frame - jumps out. The wire unspools from the cane as - EXT. TENTH FLOOR, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS Wayne drops three floors... INT. PRIVATE ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL - CONTINUOUS Gordon lies in his bed, hooked up to machines. Wayne, in ski mask, stands over him. Gordon's eyes flutter open. He tries to speak with a weak, hoarse voice... GORDON We were in this together. Then you were gone... WAYNE The Batman wasn't needed anymore. We won. GORDON Built on a lie. Our lie. Now there's evil rising from where we tried to bury it. Nobody will listen... The Batman has to come back. 39. WAYNE What if he doesn't exist anymore? GORDON He must. He must. INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI ON GOTHAM STREETS - NIGHT Wayne pulls up in front of a row of shabby subdivided town houses. Checks a tracking device. Jon, provocatively dressed, leads a Yuppie Banker-type in through a front door. INT. SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Selina sits in a small room getting ready to go out. She picks up the pearls - hears a disturbance in the hall. JEN (O.S.) I told you - money first - YUPPIE (O.S.) Goddammit, you took my wallet! INT. STAIRWELL OUTSIDE SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS The Yuppie has Jen against the wall - he reaches back to hit her with an expensive wristwatch-clad arm. But Selina has grabbed his wrist with a powerful grip. SELINA Get out. YUPPIE She took my wallet! Selina twists his arm behind him in a blinding move. SELINA Now. She releases the Yuppie, who moves off down the stairs. Selina turns to Jen. Who is examining a wallet. SELINA I told you not to try it with the assholes, Jen. JEN They're all assholes. 40. SELINA Okay, the assholes who hit. JEN I don't know what he's so upset about, he only had sixty bucks in here. SELINA Probably the watch. YOUNG WOMAN Watch? Selina opens her hand and gives Jen the Yuppie's Rolex. EXT. SELINA'S BUILDING, OLD TOWN, GOTHAM - LATER Selina exits and hails a cab. Wayne watches her go. Then pulls out. Checking his tracker. EXT. MUSEUM, GOTHAM - LATER Town cars dispense Gotham society in tasteful masquerade. Wayne pulls up to the Valet. Paparazzi line the entrance. Wayne uses his cane to get out of his Lamborghini... PAPARAZZI Another stiff too old to climb out of his sports car. PAPARAZZI 2 No, that's Bruce Wayne! Hey, Wayne, where you been hiding? Lenses swing onto Wayne, who pushes a button on his key fob - a pulse. The cameras die. Wayne heads to the door. WAYNE I'm not sure if my assistant put me on the guest list - GREETER Right through here, Mr. Wayne... 41. INT. MUSEUM - CONTINUOUS A lavish ball - the expressively attired dance under falling confetti... Even Bruce Wayne is struck by the ostentation. He spots Selina dancing with a deeply smitten Rich Twit. She wears a small, velvet pair of cat ears. And the pearls. MIRANDA (O.S) Bruce Wayne at a charity ball? Wayne turns to find Miranda Tate, amazed, a small mask her only concession to fancy dress. WAYNE Miss Tate, isn't it? MIRANDA Even before you became a recluse, you never came to these things... WAYNE True. Proceeds go to the big fat spread, not the cause. It's not about charity, it's about feeding the ego of whichever society hag laid it on. MIRANDA Actually, this is my party, Mr. Wayne. WAYNE Oh. MIRANDA And the proceeds will go where they should, because I paid for the big fat spread myself. WAYNE That's very generous of you. MIRANDA You have to invest to restore balance to the world. Take our clean-energy project... WAYNE Sometimes the investment doesn't pay off. Sorry. 42. MIRANDA You have a practiced apathy, Mr. Wayne. But a man who doesn't care about the world doesn't spend half his fortune on a plan to save it... (Gentle.) And isn't so wounded when it fails that he goes into hiding... Wayne looks at Miranda. Intrigued. MIRANDA Have a good evening, Mr. Wayne. Wayne watches Miranda glide away. Then turns to Selina. WAYNE Mind if I cut in? Rich Twit turns, annoyed - Wayne hands him his cane. Takes Selina by the waist. She glares at him. WAYNE You don't seem very happy to see me. SELINA You were supposed to be a shut-in. WAYNE Felt like some fresh air. SELINA Why didn't you call the police? WAYNE I have a powerful friend who deals with this kind of thing. (Admires her cat ears.) Brazen costume for a cat burglar. SELINA Yeah? Who are you pretending to be? WAYNE Bruce Wayne, eccentric billionaire. Who's your date? SELINA His wife's in Ibiza. She left her diamonds behind, though. Worried they'd get stolen. 43. WAYNE It's pronounced 'Ibeetha'. You wouldn't want these folks realizing you're a crook not a social climber. SELINA (flash of anger) You think I care what anyone in this room thinks about me? WAYNE I doubt you care what anyone in this room thinks about you. SELINA Don't condescend, Mr. Wayne. You don't know a thing about me. WAYNE Well, Selina Kyle, I know you came here from your walk-up in Old Town - modest place for a master jewel thief. Which means either you're saving for your retirement - or you're in deep with the wrong people. SELINA You don't get to judge me because you were born in the master bedroom of Wayne Manor. WAYNE Actually, I was born in the Regency Room. SELINA I started off doing what I had to. Once you've done what you had to they'll never let you do what you want to. WAYNE Start fresh. SELINA There's no fresh start in today's world. Any twelve-year-old with a cell phone could find out what you did. Everything we do is collated and quantified. Everything sticks. We are the sum of our mistakes. 44. WAYNE Or our achievements. SELINA The mistakes stick better. Trust me. WAYNE You think that justifies stealing? SELINA I take what I need to from those who have more than enough. I don't stand on the shoulders of people with less. WAYNE Robin Hood? SELINA I'd do more to help someone than most of the people in this room. Than you. WAYNE Maybe you're assuming too much. SELINA Or maybe you're being unrealistic about what's really in your pants other than your wallet. WAYNE Ouch. SELINA You think all this can last? Wayne glances around at the sumptuous party. SELINA There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits you're all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little to the rest of us. WAYNE Sounds like you're looking forward to it. 45. SELINA I'm adaptable. WAYNE These pearls do look better on you then they did in my safe... Wayne rolls her into his shoulder - reaches up to the back of her neck, unclasps the necklace. But I still can't let you keep them. The pearls slide off her neck into his other hand. Selina looks at him. Angry. Then kisses him, hard, and disappears into the crowd. Wayne's cane reappears. RICH TWIT (ANNOYED) You scared her off. WAYNE Not likely. EXT. MUSEUM - MOMENTS LATER Wayne approaches the Valet. Pats down his pockets. WAYNE I must have lost my ticket - VALET Your wife said you were taking a cab home, sir. WAYNE My wife? INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI RACING DOWN STREETS - CONTINUOUS Selina permits herself a little smile as she guns the engine. INT. ROLLS ROYCE - LATER Alfred watches in the mirror as Wayne climbs into the back. ALFRED Just you, sir? Wayne gives him a withering glare. (MORE) 46. ALFRED (CONT'D) Don't worry, Master Wayne. Takes a little time to get back into the swing of things. Wayne dials his phone. FOX (O.S.) This is Fox. WAYNE Remember those 'unusual requests' I used to make? FOX (O.S.) I knew it! Up front, Alfred listens. Concerned. INT. BATCAVE - DAY Wayne pushes a button on a hi-tech carbon fiber brace strapped to his good knee - the brace tones. As Wayne starts moving his knee, bending, stretching, Alfred puts down a Thermos. ALFRED You've got the wrong leg, sir. WAYNE You start with the good limb so it learns your optimum muscle patterns. Wayne swaps the brace to his bad knee. Puts his weight on it - the knee bends, kicks. He sits again. Cautious. Now we tighten it up. Wayne gingerly pushes a button - the brace starts to shrink tight to his leg, digging in. Wayne grits his teeth. ALFRED It is terribly painful? WAYNE (GRITTED TEETH) You're welcome to try it, Alfred. ALFRED Happy watching, thank you, sir. Wayne shouts as the brace clicks home. He gets to his feet. 47. WAYNE Not bad - Wayne executes a perfect roundhouse, knocking out a brick. Not bad at all. Alfred picks up the brick. Considers it. Uneasy. He follows Wayne across the bridge to the cube. ALFRED Master Wayne, if you're considering going back out there you need to hear some rumors surrounding Bane. WAYNE I'm all ears. ALFRED There is a prison. In a more ancient part of the world. A pit. Where men are thrown to suffer and die. But sometimes, a man rises from the darkness. Sometimes...the pit sends something back. WAYNE Bane. ALFRED Born and raised in a hell on earth. WAYNE Born in a prison? ALFRED No one knows why. Or how he escaped. But they know who trained him one he did...R 's al Gh l. Your A U mentor. Wayne takes this in. Shocked. ALFRED He plucked Bane from a dark corner of the earth and trained him in the blackest disciplines of combat, deception and endurance. Just like you. WAYNE Bane was a member of the League of Shadows. 48. ALFRED Until he was excommunicated. And a man considered too extreme for R 's A al Gh l is not to be trifled with. U WAYNE I didn't realize I was known for trifling with criminals. ALFRED That was then. And you can strap up your leg and put the mask back on. But it won't make you what you were. WAYNE Which was? ALFRED Someone whose anger at death made him value all life. Even his own. WAYNE If this man is all the things you say he is, then this city needs me. The Batsuit emerges from the cube. ALFRED Yes, this city needs Bruce Wayne. Your resources, your knowledge...not your body. Not your life. That time has passed. WAYNE I tried helping as Bruce Wayne, Alfred. And I failed. ALFRED You can fail as Bruce Wayne. As Batman, you can't afford to. WAYNE That's what you're afraid of - that if I go back out there I'll fail. ALFRED No. I'm afraid that you want to. Wayne looks at Alfred. Then turns to examine the Batsuit. 49. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - EVENING A frenzy of trading on the packed floor... Two Traders sit on a shoeshine stand in the lobby. TRADER 2 You can't short the stock because Bruce Wayne goes to a party - TRADER 1 Wayne coming back is change. Change is either good or bad. TRADER 2 On what basis? TRADER 1 I flipped a coin. Near the front entrance: a Food Delivery Guy is standing there negotiating with a Trader. TRADER 3 No. Rye. I told 'em rye. Trader 3 spots bad news on a screen. Alright, I'll take it. He thrusts Food Guy a tip and grabs the bag, distracted... At the rear secure entrance: a Motorcycle Courier enters, wearing his helmet - a Female Security Guard gets in his face. FEMALE SECURITY GUARD Rookie! Lose the helmet! (Points at a camera.) We need faces for cameras. In the rest room: a Janitor mops the floor, shifting out of the way of two Traders who rush in to pee. At the shoeshine stand, Trader 1 waves a bill down at the man shining his shoes without a glance. Shoeshine Man takes the bill, then, as the Traders step off, he reaches into a gym bag and checks an automatic weapon. He clicks the slide home, then hoists the gym bag and heads for the trading floor. At the secure entrance: the Courier pulls off his helmet. The Female Security Guard's eyes go wide. 50. In the rest room: the Janitor reaches into his bucket and pulls out a machine pistol in a Ziploc bag. Near the front entrance: Food Guy pulls an automatic pistol - clubs Trader 3 with it, pastrami flying. Shoeshine Man moves onto the floor, pulls out his weapon. Under the Courier's helmet - a mask. Bane. He grabs the Female Security Guard and throws her into her colleagues, lashing out in four directions with rapidfire lethality. Shoeshine Man fires into the large trading screens. The floor erupts into a different frenzy - traders hit the deck, screaming. Bane moves onto the floor... TRADER 1 This is a stock exchange, there's no money you can steal - He dries up as Bane stops. Turns to him... BANE Why else would you people be here? Bane grabs Trader 1 by the throat and drags him across the floor to an online automated trades terminal... He puts the man's thumb onto the print reader - the screen lights up. BANE Enter your password. Or I send these men to your home. Trader 1, terrified, types in his password. Outside, sirens. Shoeshine man pulls out a USB drive with an antenna - plugs it into the computer - figures race across the screen... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Police vehicles screech into the narrow street - construction vehicles are blocking. Blake argues with a burly Construction Worker. BLAKE Move it, now! We've got a situation. CONSTRUCTION WORKER Where can I move it?! BLAKE That way! Blake points - but SWAT vehicles pile in, blocking. 51. BLAKE Get in your vehicle and stay there! Foley and the SWAT Commander, Allen, approach the entrance. The Market Security Chief walks up, frantic. SECURITY CHIEF You've gotta get in there! FOLEY This is a hostage situation - SECURITY CHIEF It's a robbery! They've got direct access to the online trading desk. FOLEY I'm not risking my men for your MONEY - SECURITY CHIEF It's not our money, it's everyone's! ALLEN Really? Mine's in my mattress. SECURITY CHIEF If you don't shut these guys down, the stuffing in that mattress might be worth a whole lot less, pal. FOLEY Cut the fiber line - shut down the cell tower. That'll slow them down. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Shoeshine Man looks up from the laptop. SHOESHINE MAN They cut the fiber. Cell's working. BANE For now. How much longer does the program need? SHOESHINE MAN Eight minutes. 52. BANE Time to go mobile. Shoeshine Man picks up the laptop, slips it into his pack... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Allen shouts at his men. ALLEN Get the barriers up - no more in and out on this street! Steel wedge-shaped barriers rise up at the mouth of the street. A Sniper watches the doors through a thermal scope. Six large heat signatures bloom, too big for people... SNIPER I've got something - The door explodes. SWATs duck, six sportbikes race out and leap the ramp-like barricades, sending SWATs scattering. Cops scramble to pull their vehicles out to give chase. EXT. GOTHAM STREET - CONTINUOUS The bikes weave through traffic, Traders strapped to the back, facing backwards - screaming, ties flying in the wind. A cruiser falls in behind. ROOKIE COP Shoot the tires! A Veteran Cop sights a shot, but the Traders are in the way. VETERAN COP No shot! EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Foley is barking into his radio. FOLEY Back off, back off! They've got hostages! 53. INT./EXT. CRUISER ON GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS The cruiser follows the bike into a large tunnel. A Rookie Cop looks up into his rear-view. ROOKIE COP What's going on with the lights? The Veteran Cop looks back - streetlights and headlights are dying one after another. The darkness is chasing them - the darkness hits them. Their lights, sirens, and engine die... And, out of the silence, a dark shape roars past - VETERAN COP It can't be... ROOKIE COP The hell was that?! VETERAN COP Oh boy. You're in for a show tonight, son. EXT. HIGHWAY - CONTINUOUS Food Guy drives the rear bike. He looks back - sees streetlights explode behind him - darkness catching him up. The engine chokes and dies.

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- CONTINUOUS The SWATs return fire. The Thugs lay down cover fire, then race around a corner into a smaller passage. A cop car pulls up, blocking the mouth of the alley - Gordon jumps out, gun drawn. The SWATs approach the passage, massing on both corners tactically. The two corner SWATs exchange hand signals, counting down... They round the corner, aiming low and high. The passage is empty. The SWATs cover a fire escape, but Gordon spots at once - GORDON Manhole! He races to the manhole cover - SWATs wrench off the cover, Gordon grabs a flashlight from the nearest SWAT. GORDON You three, down with me. You two, head down to cover the next exit - SWAT Where -? GORDON Get the DWP down here, now! Gordon starts climbing down the ladder... INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon moves down the tunnel, flashlight low. Three SWATs fall in behind... 27. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake comes into the alley. Cops surround the manhole. COP Where's the DWP guy? BLAKE They went down there? FOLEY (shaking his head) And Gordon took SWAT in after them. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon hears a noise up ahead - pushes forward, rounds the corner. BANG! GUNFIRE. SWATs return fire, shots sparking off the concrete walls, then - BOOM - behind him the tunnel ERUPTS IN FIRE, blasting the SWATs. Gordon races forward, tearing through the tunnels. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake jumps back as a fireball bursts out of the manhole. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon races around a corner, gun drawn. A noise makes him turn - WHACK, he is clobbered from behind by a Thug. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake pushes forward. BLAKE Come on, we gotta get down there - COP That was a gas explosion, kid - BLAKE Gas? This is a sewer! FOLEY No one goes in there till we know what's down there. 28. BLAKE We know what's down there, sir. The Police Commissioner! FOLEY Somebody get the hothead out of here. And get me a DWP guy! Blake backs off. Gets an idea - goes for his patrol car. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Thug 1 flips Gordon onto his back. THUG 1 This one's alive. (Looks closer.) Jesus. It's the Police Commissioner. THUG 2 What do we do? THUG 1 Take him to Bane. The two Thugs drag Gordon down through the maze of tunnels. As they descend deeper they encounter work crews of muscular men wielding large drills and jackhammers, working the walls and ceiling of the larger tunnels. Some of the men are armed Mercenaries, overseeing gangs of homeless street kids. They stare as Gordon is dragged past. The Thugs drag Gordon between two waterfalls, into - INT. BANE'S LAIR, SEWERS - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT) They approach a figure, turned away, crouched in the firelight. Bare-chested, muscular, masked. Bane. A crooked line of scar tissue runs the length of his spine... BANE Why are you here? The Thugs drop Gordon at Bane's feet. THUG 1 Answer him! Bane slowly turns to the Thugs. 29. BANE I'm asking you. THUG 1 It's the Police Commissioner. BANE And you brought him down here? THUG 2 We didn't know what to do. We - BANE You panicked. And your weakness costs three lives. THUG 1 No, he's alone - Bane flips the Thug's chin up and to the side with a crack. Thug 1 drops. Bane turns to Thug 2. BANE Search him. Then I will kill you. The Thug, terrified, pulls out Gordon's badge, wallet, gun...and the folded papers of the speech he did not read. Bane takes these one by one with quick glances. He stops at the papers. Unfolds them... As he reads, Gordon rolls off the steps, dropping into the rushing flow of water - gunshots ring out... THUG 2 He's dead. Thug 2 trails off as Bane looks up from the papers... BANE Then show me his body. THUG 2 That water runs to any one of the outflows - we'd never find him. Bane turns to the Lead Mercenary. BANE Give me your GPS. Lead Mercenary hands him a GPS - Bane tucks it into Thug 2's jacket, zips it up like a mother sending her kid to school. 30. BANE Follow him. THUG 2 Follow him? Bane shoots Thug 2, kicks him into the water. Turns to Lead Mercenary. BANE Track him. Make sure both bodies will not be found. Then brick up the south tunnel. EXT. WATER TREATMENT FACILITY - NIGHT Blake comes out to the catchment basin. He spots something stuck up against the grille, thrusts his hand into the raging waters - Gordon is there, alive. Just. Blake pulls him up onto the concrete, hoists him up, hurrying... INT. FRONT HALL, WAYNE MANOR - DAY Alfred opens the door to reveal Blake in his dirty uniform. BLAKE I need to see Bruce Wayne. ALFRED I'm sorry, Mr. Wayne doesn't take unscheduled calls. Even from police officers. BLAKE And if I go get a warrant, in the investigation of Harvey Dent's murder? Would that still count as unscheduled? INT. STUDY, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Blake is sitting, drumming his leg, nervous. Wayne enters. WAYNE What can I do for you, officer? BLAKE Commissioner Gordon's been shot. 31. WAYNE I'm sorry to hear that - BLAKE He chased a gunman down into the sewers. When I pulled him out he was babbling about an underground army. A masked man called 'Bane'. WAYNE Shouldn't you be telling this to your superior officers? BLAKE I did. One of them asked if he saw any giant alligators down there. He needs you. He needs the Batman. WAYNE If Commissioner Gordon thinks I'm the Batman he must be in a bad way - BLAKE He doesn't know or care who you are. (Off look.) But we've met before. When I was a kid. At the orphanage. See, my mom died when I was small. Car accident, I don't really remember it. But a couple of years later my dad was shot over a gambling debt. I remember that just fine. (Looks at Wayne.) Not a lot of people who know what it feels like, do they? To be angry. In your bones. People understand, foster parents understand. For a while. Then they expect the angry kid to do what he knows he can never do. To move on. To forget. Wayne stares at Blake. BLAKE So they stopped understanding and sent the angry kid to a boys' home - St. Swithin's. Used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation. See, I figured it out too late. You have to hide the anger. Practice smiling in the mirror. Like putting on a mask. You showed up one day in a cool car, pretty girl on your arm. (MORE) 32. BLAKE (CONT'D) We were so excited - Bruce Wayne, billionaire orphan. We made up stories about you. Legends. The other boys' stories were just that. But when I saw you I knew who you really were... (Beat.) I'd seen that look on your face. Same one I taught myself. Blake gets up to leave. Wayne is lost in thought. BLAKE I don't know why you took the fall for Dent's murder, but I'm still a believer in the Batman. Even if you're not. WAYNE Why did you say your boys' home used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation? BLAKE Because the money stopped. Might be time to get some fresh air and start paying attention to the details. Some of those details might need your help. INT. HALL, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Wayne and Alfred watch Blake drive away. WAYNE You checked that name? 'Bane' - ALFRED Ran it through some databases. He's a mercenary. No other known name. Never been seen or photographed without a mask. He and his men were behind a coup in West Africa that secured mining operations for our friend John Daggett. WAYNE Now Daggett's brought them here? ALFRED It would seem so. I'll keep digging. 33. Alfred turns to leave. WAYNE Why did the Wayne Foundation stop funding boys' homes in the city? ALFRED The Foundation is funded from the profits of Wayne Enterprises... (Off look.) There have to be some. WAYNE Time to talk to Mr. Fox, I think. ALFRED I'll get him on the phone - WAYNE No. Do we still have any cars around the place? ALFRED (LIGHTS UP) One or two. WAYNE And I need an appointment at the hospital. About my leg. ALFRED Which hospital, sir? WAYNE Whichever one Jim Gordon's in. Alfred is less excited by this part of the request. EXT. WAYNE ENTERPRISES - DAY Moving towards the tall skyscraper downtown. MIRANDA (V.O.) Mr. Fox, I believe in what Mr. Wayne was trying to do... INT. BOARDROOM, WAYNE ENTERPRISES - CONTINUOUS Miranda is talking to Lucius Fox at the table. 34. MIRANDA I'm only asking for explanations because I think I can help. FOX I'll pass along your request. Next time I see him. Miranda catches something in this. MIRANDA He doesn't talk to you either? FOX Let's just say that Bruce Wayne has his...eccentricities. MIRANDA (RISING) Mr. Fox, are you aware that John Daggett is trying to acquire shares in Wayne Enterprises? FOX I was not. But it wouldn't do him any good - Mr. Wayne still retains a clear majority. Miranda leaves. Fox moves into his office - stops. FOX Bruce Wayne. As I live and breathe. Wayne rises, pushing hard on his cane. FOX What brings you out of cryo-sleep Mr. Wayne? WAYNE I see you haven't lost your sense of humor...even if you have lost most of my money. FOX Actually, you did that yourself. See, if you funnel the entire R and D budget for five years into a fusion project that you then mothball, your company is unlikely to thrive. 35. WAYNE Even with - FOX A wildly sophisticated CEO, yes. Wayne Enterprises is running out of time. And Daggett is moving in. WAYNE What're my options? FOX If you're not willing to turn your machine on - WAYNE I can't, Lucius. FOX Then sit tight. Your majority keeps Daggett at arm's length while we figure out a future for the energy program with Miranda Tate - she's supported your project all the way. She's smart, and quite lovely. WAYNE You too, Lucius? FOX We all just want what's best for you, Bruce. Show her the machine. WAYNE I'll think it over. FOX Anything else? WAYNE No, why? FOX These conversations always used to end with some...unusual requests. WAYNE I retired. FOX Let me show you some stuff, anyway. Fox hits a button - the bookcase opens into a hidden elevator. 36. INT. APPLIED SCIENCES - MOMENTS LATER Fox leads Wayne into the vast, gadget-filled space. They pass Tumblers with different weapons configurations... WAYNE I figured you'd have shut this place down. FOX It was always shut down, officially. WAYNE But all this new stuff? FOX After your father died, Wayne Enterprises set up fourteen different defense subsidiaries. I've spent years shuttering them and consolidating all the prototypes under one roof. My roof. WAYNE Why? FOX Stop them falling into the wrong hands. Besides, I thought someone might get some use out of them... Wayne shakes his head. FOX Sure I can't tempt you to something? Pneumatic crampons? Infrared lenses? Least let me get you something for that leg. WAYNE It's fine the use it gets these days. FOX Well, then I have just the thing for an eccentric billionaire who doesn't like to walk... Fox opens a door - we glimpse a sleek vehicle. Wayne's eyes light up. 37. WAYNE Now you're just showing off. FOX Defense Department project for tight-geometry urban pacification. Rotors configured for maneuvering between buildings without recirculation. WAYNE What's it called? FOX It has a long and uninteresting Wayne Enterprises designation. So I took to calling it the Bat. And yes, Mr. Wayne, it does come in black. Wayne touches its sleek side. Marveling. FOX Works great except for the autopilot. WAYNE What's wrong with that? FOX Software-based instability. Take a better mind than mine to fix it. WAYNE Better mind? FOX I was trying to be modest. A less busy mind. Yours, perhaps. Wayne looks wistfully at the machine. Turns away. WAYNE I told you. I retired, Lucius. INT. EXAMINATION ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - NIGHT Wayne listens, distracted, while a Doctor examines an X-ray. DOCTOR I've seen worse cartilage in knees - 38. WAYNE That's good - DOCTOR No, that's because there is no cartilage in your knee. And not much of any use in your elbows and shoulders. Between that and the scar tissue on your kidneys, residual concussive damage to your brain tissue and general scarred-over quality of your body... (Takes a deep breath.) I cannot recommend that you go heli-skiing. About the only part of your body that looks healthy is your liver, so if you're bored I recommend you take up drinking, Mr. Wayne. Wayne smiles. The Doctor leaves. Wayne pulls on a ski mask, steps to the window, hops up, pulls a wire from his cane, which he clips to his belt. He props his cane behind the frame - jumps out. The wire unspools from the cane as - EXT. TENTH FLOOR, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS Wayne drops three floors... INT. PRIVATE ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL - CONTINUOUS Gordon lies in his bed, hooked up to machines. Wayne, in ski mask, stands over him. Gordon's eyes flutter open. He tries to speak with a weak, hoarse voice... GORDON We were in this together. Then you were gone... WAYNE The Batman wasn't needed anymore. We won. GORDON Built on a lie. Our lie. Now there's evil rising from where we tried to bury it. Nobody will listen... The Batman has to come back. 39. WAYNE What if he doesn't exist anymore? GORDON He must. He must. INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI ON GOTHAM STREETS - NIGHT Wayne pulls up in front of a row of shabby subdivided town houses. Checks a tracking device. Jon, provocatively dressed, leads a Yuppie Banker-type in through a front door. INT. SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Selina sits in a small room getting ready to go out. She picks up the pearls - hears a disturbance in the hall. JEN (O.S.) I told you - money first - YUPPIE (O.S.) Goddammit, you took my wallet! INT. STAIRWELL OUTSIDE SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS The Yuppie has Jen against the wall - he reaches back to hit her with an expensive wristwatch-clad arm. But Selina has grabbed his wrist with a powerful grip. SELINA Get out. YUPPIE She took my wallet! Selina twists his arm behind him in a blinding move. SELINA Now. She releases the Yuppie, who moves off down the stairs. Selina turns to Jen. Who is examining a wallet. SELINA I told you not to try it with the assholes, Jen. JEN They're all assholes. 40. SELINA Okay, the assholes who hit. JEN I don't know what he's so upset about, he only had sixty bucks in here. SELINA Probably the watch. YOUNG WOMAN Watch? Selina opens her hand and gives Jen the Yuppie's Rolex. EXT. SELINA'S BUILDING, OLD TOWN, GOTHAM - LATER Selina exits and hails a cab. Wayne watches her go. Then pulls out. Checking his tracker. EXT. MUSEUM, GOTHAM - LATER Town cars dispense Gotham society in tasteful masquerade. Wayne pulls up to the Valet. Paparazzi line the entrance. Wayne uses his cane to get out of his Lamborghini... PAPARAZZI Another stiff too old to climb out of his sports car. PAPARAZZI 2 No, that's Bruce Wayne! Hey, Wayne, where you been hiding? Lenses swing onto Wayne, who pushes a button on his key fob - a pulse. The cameras die. Wayne heads to the door. WAYNE I'm not sure if my assistant put me on the guest list - GREETER Right through here, Mr. Wayne... 41. INT. MUSEUM - CONTINUOUS A lavish ball - the expressively attired dance under falling confetti... Even Bruce Wayne is struck by the ostentation. He spots Selina dancing with a deeply smitten Rich Twit. She wears a small, velvet pair of cat ears. And the pearls. MIRANDA (O.S) Bruce Wayne at a charity ball? Wayne turns to find Miranda Tate, amazed, a small mask her only concession to fancy dress. WAYNE Miss Tate, isn't it? MIRANDA Even before you became a recluse, you never came to these things... WAYNE True. Proceeds go to the big fat spread, not the cause. It's not about charity, it's about feeding the ego of whichever society hag laid it on. MIRANDA Actually, this is my party, Mr. Wayne. WAYNE Oh. MIRANDA And the proceeds will go where they should, because I paid for the big fat spread myself. WAYNE That's very generous of you. MIRANDA You have to invest to restore balance to the world. Take our clean-energy project... WAYNE Sometimes the investment doesn't pay off. Sorry. 42. MIRANDA You have a practiced apathy, Mr. Wayne. But a man who doesn't care about the world doesn't spend half his fortune on a plan to save it... (Gentle.) And isn't so wounded when it fails that he goes into hiding... Wayne looks at Miranda. Intrigued. MIRANDA Have a good evening, Mr. Wayne. Wayne watches Miranda glide away. Then turns to Selina. WAYNE Mind if I cut in? Rich Twit turns, annoyed - Wayne hands him his cane. Takes Selina by the waist. She glares at him. WAYNE You don't seem very happy to see me. SELINA You were supposed to be a shut-in. WAYNE Felt like some fresh air. SELINA Why didn't you call the police? WAYNE I have a powerful friend who deals with this kind of thing. (Admires her cat ears.) Brazen costume for a cat burglar. SELINA Yeah? Who are you pretending to be? WAYNE Bruce Wayne, eccentric billionaire. Who's your date? SELINA His wife's in Ibiza. She left her diamonds behind, though. Worried they'd get stolen. 43. WAYNE It's pronounced 'Ibeetha'. You wouldn't want these folks realizing you're a crook not a social climber. SELINA (flash of anger) You think I care what anyone in this room thinks about me? WAYNE I doubt you care what anyone in this room thinks about you. SELINA Don't condescend, Mr. Wayne. You don't know a thing about me. WAYNE Well, Selina Kyle, I know you came here from your walk-up in Old Town - modest place for a master jewel thief. Which means either you're saving for your retirement - or you're in deep with the wrong people. SELINA You don't get to judge me because you were born in the master bedroom of Wayne Manor. WAYNE Actually, I was born in the Regency Room. SELINA I started off doing what I had to. Once you've done what you had to they'll never let you do what you want to. WAYNE Start fresh. SELINA There's no fresh start in today's world. Any twelve-year-old with a cell phone could find out what you did. Everything we do is collated and quantified. Everything sticks. We are the sum of our mistakes. 44. WAYNE Or our achievements. SELINA The mistakes stick better. Trust me. WAYNE You think that justifies stealing? SELINA I take what I need to from those who have more than enough. I don't stand on the shoulders of people with less. WAYNE Robin Hood? SELINA I'd do more to help someone than most of the people in this room. Than you. WAYNE Maybe you're assuming too much. SELINA Or maybe you're being unrealistic about what's really in your pants other than your wallet. WAYNE Ouch. SELINA You think all this can last? Wayne glances around at the sumptuous party. SELINA There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits you're all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little to the rest of us. WAYNE Sounds like you're looking forward to it. 45. SELINA I'm adaptable. WAYNE These pearls do look better on you then they did in my safe... Wayne rolls her into his shoulder - reaches up to the back of her neck, unclasps the necklace. But I still can't let you keep them. The pearls slide off her neck into his other hand. Selina looks at him. Angry. Then kisses him, hard, and disappears into the crowd. Wayne's cane reappears. RICH TWIT (ANNOYED) You scared her off. WAYNE Not likely. EXT. MUSEUM - MOMENTS LATER Wayne approaches the Valet. Pats down his pockets. WAYNE I must have lost my ticket - VALET Your wife said you were taking a cab home, sir. WAYNE My wife? INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI RACING DOWN STREETS - CONTINUOUS Selina permits herself a little smile as she guns the engine. INT. ROLLS ROYCE - LATER Alfred watches in the mirror as Wayne climbs into the back. ALFRED Just you, sir? Wayne gives him a withering glare. (MORE) 46. ALFRED (CONT'D) Don't worry, Master Wayne. Takes a little time to get back into the swing of things. Wayne dials his phone. FOX (O.S.) This is Fox. WAYNE Remember those 'unusual requests' I used to make? FOX (O.S.) I knew it! Up front, Alfred listens. Concerned. INT. BATCAVE - DAY Wayne pushes a button on a hi-tech carbon fiber brace strapped to his good knee - the brace tones. As Wayne starts moving his knee, bending, stretching, Alfred puts down a Thermos. ALFRED You've got the wrong leg, sir. WAYNE You start with the good limb so it learns your optimum muscle patterns. Wayne swaps the brace to his bad knee. Puts his weight on it - the knee bends, kicks. He sits again. Cautious. Now we tighten it up. Wayne gingerly pushes a button - the brace starts to shrink tight to his leg, digging in. Wayne grits his teeth. ALFRED It is terribly painful? WAYNE (GRITTED TEETH) You're welcome to try it, Alfred. ALFRED Happy watching, thank you, sir. Wayne shouts as the brace clicks home. He gets to his feet. 47. WAYNE Not bad - Wayne executes a perfect roundhouse, knocking out a brick. Not bad at all. Alfred picks up the brick. Considers it. Uneasy. He follows Wayne across the bridge to the cube. ALFRED Master Wayne, if you're considering going back out there you need to hear some rumors surrounding Bane. WAYNE I'm all ears. ALFRED There is a prison. In a more ancient part of the world. A pit. Where men are thrown to suffer and die. But sometimes, a man rises from the darkness. Sometimes...the pit sends something back. WAYNE Bane. ALFRED Born and raised in a hell on earth. WAYNE Born in a prison? ALFRED No one knows why. Or how he escaped. But they know who trained him one he did...R 's al Gh l. Your A U mentor. Wayne takes this in. Shocked. ALFRED He plucked Bane from a dark corner of the earth and trained him in the blackest disciplines of combat, deception and endurance. Just like you. WAYNE Bane was a member of the League of Shadows. 48. ALFRED Until he was excommunicated. And a man considered too extreme for R 's A al Gh l is not to be trifled with. U WAYNE I didn't realize I was known for trifling with criminals. ALFRED That was then. And you can strap up your leg and put the mask back on. But it won't make you what you were. WAYNE Which was? ALFRED Someone whose anger at death made him value all life. Even his own. WAYNE If this man is all the things you say he is, then this city needs me. The Batsuit emerges from the cube. ALFRED Yes, this city needs Bruce Wayne. Your resources, your knowledge...not your body. Not your life. That time has passed. WAYNE I tried helping as Bruce Wayne, Alfred. And I failed. ALFRED You can fail as Bruce Wayne. As Batman, you can't afford to. WAYNE That's what you're afraid of - that if I go back out there I'll fail. ALFRED No. I'm afraid that you want to. Wayne looks at Alfred. Then turns to examine the Batsuit. 49. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - EVENING A frenzy of trading on the packed floor... Two Traders sit on a shoeshine stand in the lobby. TRADER 2 You can't short the stock because Bruce Wayne goes to a party - TRADER 1 Wayne coming back is change. Change is either good or bad. TRADER 2 On what basis? TRADER 1 I flipped a coin. Near the front entrance: a Food Delivery Guy is standing there negotiating with a Trader. TRADER 3 No. Rye. I told 'em rye. Trader 3 spots bad news on a screen. Alright, I'll take it. He thrusts Food Guy a tip and grabs the bag, distracted... At the rear secure entrance: a Motorcycle Courier enters, wearing his helmet - a Female Security Guard gets in his face. FEMALE SECURITY GUARD Rookie! Lose the helmet! (Points at a camera.) We need faces for cameras. In the rest room: a Janitor mops the floor, shifting out of the way of two Traders who rush in to pee. At the shoeshine stand, Trader 1 waves a bill down at the man shining his shoes without a glance. Shoeshine Man takes the bill, then, as the Traders step off, he reaches into a gym bag and checks an automatic weapon. He clicks the slide home, then hoists the gym bag and heads for the trading floor. At the secure entrance: the Courier pulls off his helmet. The Female Security Guard's eyes go wide. 50. In the rest room: the Janitor reaches into his bucket and pulls out a machine pistol in a Ziploc bag. Near the front entrance: Food Guy pulls an automatic pistol - clubs Trader 3 with it, pastrami flying. Shoeshine Man moves onto the floor, pulls out his weapon. Under the Courier's helmet - a mask. Bane. He grabs the Female Security Guard and throws her into her colleagues, lashing out in four directions with rapidfire lethality. Shoeshine Man fires into the large trading screens. The floor erupts into a different frenzy - traders hit the deck, screaming. Bane moves onto the floor... TRADER 1 This is a stock exchange, there's no money you can steal - He dries up as Bane stops. Turns to him... BANE Why else would you people be here? Bane grabs Trader 1 by the throat and drags him across the floor to an online automated trades terminal... He puts the man's thumb onto the print reader - the screen lights up. BANE Enter your password. Or I send these men to your home. Trader 1, terrified, types in his password. Outside, sirens. Shoeshine man pulls out a USB drive with an antenna - plugs it into the computer - figures race across the screen... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Police vehicles screech into the narrow street - construction vehicles are blocking. Blake argues with a burly Construction Worker. BLAKE Move it, now! We've got a situation. CONSTRUCTION WORKER Where can I move it?! BLAKE That way! Blake points - but SWAT vehicles pile in, blocking. 51. BLAKE Get in your vehicle and stay there! Foley and the SWAT Commander, Allen, approach the entrance. The Market Security Chief walks up, frantic. SECURITY CHIEF You've gotta get in there! FOLEY This is a hostage situation - SECURITY CHIEF It's a robbery! They've got direct access to the online trading desk. FOLEY I'm not risking my men for your MONEY - SECURITY CHIEF It's not our money, it's everyone's! ALLEN Really? Mine's in my mattress. SECURITY CHIEF If you don't shut these guys down, the stuffing in that mattress might be worth a whole lot less, pal. FOLEY Cut the fiber line - shut down the cell tower. That'll slow them down. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Shoeshine Man looks up from the laptop. SHOESHINE MAN They cut the fiber. Cell's working. BANE For now. How much longer does the program need? SHOESHINE MAN Eight minutes. 52. BANE Time to go mobile. Shoeshine Man picks up the laptop, slips it into his pack... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Allen shouts at his men. ALLEN Get the barriers up - no more in and out on this street! Steel wedge-shaped barriers rise up at the mouth of the street. A Sniper watches the doors through a thermal scope. Six large heat signatures bloom, too big for people... SNIPER I've got something - The door explodes. SWATs duck, six sportbikes race out and leap the ramp-like barricades, sending SWATs scattering. Cops scramble to pull their vehicles out to give chase. EXT. GOTHAM STREET - CONTINUOUS The bikes weave through traffic, Traders strapped to the back, facing backwards - screaming, ties flying in the wind. A cruiser falls in behind. ROOKIE COP Shoot the tires! A Veteran Cop sights a shot, but the Traders are in the way. VETERAN COP No shot! EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Foley is barking into his radio. FOLEY Back off, back off! They've got hostages! 53. INT./EXT. CRUISER ON GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS The cruiser follows the bike into a large tunnel. A Rookie Cop looks up into his rear-view. ROOKIE COP What's going on with the lights? The Veteran Cop looks back - streetlights and headlights are dying one after another. The darkness is chasing them - the darkness hits them. Their lights, sirens, and engine die... And, out of the silence, a dark shape roars past - VETERAN COP It can't be... ROOKIE COP The hell was that?! VETERAN COP Oh boy. You're in for a show tonight, son. EXT. HIGHWAY - CONTINUOUS Food Guy drives the rear bike. He looks back - sees streetlights explode behind him - darkness catching him up. The engine chokes and dies.

stopped

How many times the word 'stopped' appears in the text?

- CONTINUOUS The SWATs return fire. The Thugs lay down cover fire, then race around a corner into a smaller passage. A cop car pulls up, blocking the mouth of the alley - Gordon jumps out, gun drawn. The SWATs approach the passage, massing on both corners tactically. The two corner SWATs exchange hand signals, counting down... They round the corner, aiming low and high. The passage is empty. The SWATs cover a fire escape, but Gordon spots at once - GORDON Manhole! He races to the manhole cover - SWATs wrench off the cover, Gordon grabs a flashlight from the nearest SWAT. GORDON You three, down with me. You two, head down to cover the next exit - SWAT Where -? GORDON Get the DWP down here, now! Gordon starts climbing down the ladder... INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon moves down the tunnel, flashlight low. Three SWATs fall in behind... 27. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake comes into the alley. Cops surround the manhole. COP Where's the DWP guy? BLAKE They went down there? FOLEY (shaking his head) And Gordon took SWAT in after them. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon hears a noise up ahead - pushes forward, rounds the corner. BANG! GUNFIRE. SWATs return fire, shots sparking off the concrete walls, then - BOOM - behind him the tunnel ERUPTS IN FIRE, blasting the SWATs. Gordon races forward, tearing through the tunnels. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake jumps back as a fireball bursts out of the manhole. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon races around a corner, gun drawn. A noise makes him turn - WHACK, he is clobbered from behind by a Thug. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake pushes forward. BLAKE Come on, we gotta get down there - COP That was a gas explosion, kid - BLAKE Gas? This is a sewer! FOLEY No one goes in there till we know what's down there. 28. BLAKE We know what's down there, sir. The Police Commissioner! FOLEY Somebody get the hothead out of here. And get me a DWP guy! Blake backs off. Gets an idea - goes for his patrol car. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Thug 1 flips Gordon onto his back. THUG 1 This one's alive. (Looks closer.) Jesus. It's the Police Commissioner. THUG 2 What do we do? THUG 1 Take him to Bane. The two Thugs drag Gordon down through the maze of tunnels. As they descend deeper they encounter work crews of muscular men wielding large drills and jackhammers, working the walls and ceiling of the larger tunnels. Some of the men are armed Mercenaries, overseeing gangs of homeless street kids. They stare as Gordon is dragged past. The Thugs drag Gordon between two waterfalls, into - INT. BANE'S LAIR, SEWERS - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT) They approach a figure, turned away, crouched in the firelight. Bare-chested, muscular, masked. Bane. A crooked line of scar tissue runs the length of his spine... BANE Why are you here? The Thugs drop Gordon at Bane's feet. THUG 1 Answer him! Bane slowly turns to the Thugs. 29. BANE I'm asking you. THUG 1 It's the Police Commissioner. BANE And you brought him down here? THUG 2 We didn't know what to do. We - BANE You panicked. And your weakness costs three lives. THUG 1 No, he's alone - Bane flips the Thug's chin up and to the side with a crack. Thug 1 drops. Bane turns to Thug 2. BANE Search him. Then I will kill you. The Thug, terrified, pulls out Gordon's badge, wallet, gun...and the folded papers of the speech he did not read. Bane takes these one by one with quick glances. He stops at the papers. Unfolds them... As he reads, Gordon rolls off the steps, dropping into the rushing flow of water - gunshots ring out... THUG 2 He's dead. Thug 2 trails off as Bane looks up from the papers... BANE Then show me his body. THUG 2 That water runs to any one of the outflows - we'd never find him. Bane turns to the Lead Mercenary. BANE Give me your GPS. Lead Mercenary hands him a GPS - Bane tucks it into Thug 2's jacket, zips it up like a mother sending her kid to school. 30. BANE Follow him. THUG 2 Follow him? Bane shoots Thug 2, kicks him into the water. Turns to Lead Mercenary. BANE Track him. Make sure both bodies will not be found. Then brick up the south tunnel. EXT. WATER TREATMENT FACILITY - NIGHT Blake comes out to the catchment basin. He spots something stuck up against the grille, thrusts his hand into the raging waters - Gordon is there, alive. Just. Blake pulls him up onto the concrete, hoists him up, hurrying... INT. FRONT HALL, WAYNE MANOR - DAY Alfred opens the door to reveal Blake in his dirty uniform. BLAKE I need to see Bruce Wayne. ALFRED I'm sorry, Mr. Wayne doesn't take unscheduled calls. Even from police officers. BLAKE And if I go get a warrant, in the investigation of Harvey Dent's murder? Would that still count as unscheduled? INT. STUDY, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Blake is sitting, drumming his leg, nervous. Wayne enters. WAYNE What can I do for you, officer? BLAKE Commissioner Gordon's been shot. 31. WAYNE I'm sorry to hear that - BLAKE He chased a gunman down into the sewers. When I pulled him out he was babbling about an underground army. A masked man called 'Bane'. WAYNE Shouldn't you be telling this to your superior officers? BLAKE I did. One of them asked if he saw any giant alligators down there. He needs you. He needs the Batman. WAYNE If Commissioner Gordon thinks I'm the Batman he must be in a bad way - BLAKE He doesn't know or care who you are. (Off look.) But we've met before. When I was a kid. At the orphanage. See, my mom died when I was small. Car accident, I don't really remember it. But a couple of years later my dad was shot over a gambling debt. I remember that just fine. (Looks at Wayne.) Not a lot of people who know what it feels like, do they? To be angry. In your bones. People understand, foster parents understand. For a while. Then they expect the angry kid to do what he knows he can never do. To move on. To forget. Wayne stares at Blake. BLAKE So they stopped understanding and sent the angry kid to a boys' home - St. Swithin's. Used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation. See, I figured it out too late. You have to hide the anger. Practice smiling in the mirror. Like putting on a mask. You showed up one day in a cool car, pretty girl on your arm. (MORE) 32. BLAKE (CONT'D) We were so excited - Bruce Wayne, billionaire orphan. We made up stories about you. Legends. The other boys' stories were just that. But when I saw you I knew who you really were... (Beat.) I'd seen that look on your face. Same one I taught myself. Blake gets up to leave. Wayne is lost in thought. BLAKE I don't know why you took the fall for Dent's murder, but I'm still a believer in the Batman. Even if you're not. WAYNE Why did you say your boys' home used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation? BLAKE Because the money stopped. Might be time to get some fresh air and start paying attention to the details. Some of those details might need your help. INT. HALL, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Wayne and Alfred watch Blake drive away. WAYNE You checked that name? 'Bane' - ALFRED Ran it through some databases. He's a mercenary. No other known name. Never been seen or photographed without a mask. He and his men were behind a coup in West Africa that secured mining operations for our friend John Daggett. WAYNE Now Daggett's brought them here? ALFRED It would seem so. I'll keep digging. 33. Alfred turns to leave. WAYNE Why did the Wayne Foundation stop funding boys' homes in the city? ALFRED The Foundation is funded from the profits of Wayne Enterprises... (Off look.) There have to be some. WAYNE Time to talk to Mr. Fox, I think. ALFRED I'll get him on the phone - WAYNE No. Do we still have any cars around the place? ALFRED (LIGHTS UP) One or two. WAYNE And I need an appointment at the hospital. About my leg. ALFRED Which hospital, sir? WAYNE Whichever one Jim Gordon's in. Alfred is less excited by this part of the request. EXT. WAYNE ENTERPRISES - DAY Moving towards the tall skyscraper downtown. MIRANDA (V.O.) Mr. Fox, I believe in what Mr. Wayne was trying to do... INT. BOARDROOM, WAYNE ENTERPRISES - CONTINUOUS Miranda is talking to Lucius Fox at the table. 34. MIRANDA I'm only asking for explanations because I think I can help. FOX I'll pass along your request. Next time I see him. Miranda catches something in this. MIRANDA He doesn't talk to you either? FOX Let's just say that Bruce Wayne has his...eccentricities. MIRANDA (RISING) Mr. Fox, are you aware that John Daggett is trying to acquire shares in Wayne Enterprises? FOX I was not. But it wouldn't do him any good - Mr. Wayne still retains a clear majority. Miranda leaves. Fox moves into his office - stops. FOX Bruce Wayne. As I live and breathe. Wayne rises, pushing hard on his cane. FOX What brings you out of cryo-sleep Mr. Wayne? WAYNE I see you haven't lost your sense of humor...even if you have lost most of my money. FOX Actually, you did that yourself. See, if you funnel the entire R and D budget for five years into a fusion project that you then mothball, your company is unlikely to thrive. 35. WAYNE Even with - FOX A wildly sophisticated CEO, yes. Wayne Enterprises is running out of time. And Daggett is moving in. WAYNE What're my options? FOX If you're not willing to turn your machine on - WAYNE I can't, Lucius. FOX Then sit tight. Your majority keeps Daggett at arm's length while we figure out a future for the energy program with Miranda Tate - she's supported your project all the way. She's smart, and quite lovely. WAYNE You too, Lucius? FOX We all just want what's best for you, Bruce. Show her the machine. WAYNE I'll think it over. FOX Anything else? WAYNE No, why? FOX These conversations always used to end with some...unusual requests. WAYNE I retired. FOX Let me show you some stuff, anyway. Fox hits a button - the bookcase opens into a hidden elevator. 36. INT. APPLIED SCIENCES - MOMENTS LATER Fox leads Wayne into the vast, gadget-filled space. They pass Tumblers with different weapons configurations... WAYNE I figured you'd have shut this place down. FOX It was always shut down, officially. WAYNE But all this new stuff? FOX After your father died, Wayne Enterprises set up fourteen different defense subsidiaries. I've spent years shuttering them and consolidating all the prototypes under one roof. My roof. WAYNE Why? FOX Stop them falling into the wrong hands. Besides, I thought someone might get some use out of them... Wayne shakes his head. FOX Sure I can't tempt you to something? Pneumatic crampons? Infrared lenses? Least let me get you something for that leg. WAYNE It's fine the use it gets these days. FOX Well, then I have just the thing for an eccentric billionaire who doesn't like to walk... Fox opens a door - we glimpse a sleek vehicle. Wayne's eyes light up. 37. WAYNE Now you're just showing off. FOX Defense Department project for tight-geometry urban pacification. Rotors configured for maneuvering between buildings without recirculation. WAYNE What's it called? FOX It has a long and uninteresting Wayne Enterprises designation. So I took to calling it the Bat. And yes, Mr. Wayne, it does come in black. Wayne touches its sleek side. Marveling. FOX Works great except for the autopilot. WAYNE What's wrong with that? FOX Software-based instability. Take a better mind than mine to fix it. WAYNE Better mind? FOX I was trying to be modest. A less busy mind. Yours, perhaps. Wayne looks wistfully at the machine. Turns away. WAYNE I told you. I retired, Lucius. INT. EXAMINATION ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - NIGHT Wayne listens, distracted, while a Doctor examines an X-ray. DOCTOR I've seen worse cartilage in knees - 38. WAYNE That's good - DOCTOR No, that's because there is no cartilage in your knee. And not much of any use in your elbows and shoulders. Between that and the scar tissue on your kidneys, residual concussive damage to your brain tissue and general scarred-over quality of your body... (Takes a deep breath.) I cannot recommend that you go heli-skiing. About the only part of your body that looks healthy is your liver, so if you're bored I recommend you take up drinking, Mr. Wayne. Wayne smiles. The Doctor leaves. Wayne pulls on a ski mask, steps to the window, hops up, pulls a wire from his cane, which he clips to his belt. He props his cane behind the frame - jumps out. The wire unspools from the cane as - EXT. TENTH FLOOR, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS Wayne drops three floors... INT. PRIVATE ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL - CONTINUOUS Gordon lies in his bed, hooked up to machines. Wayne, in ski mask, stands over him. Gordon's eyes flutter open. He tries to speak with a weak, hoarse voice... GORDON We were in this together. Then you were gone... WAYNE The Batman wasn't needed anymore. We won. GORDON Built on a lie. Our lie. Now there's evil rising from where we tried to bury it. Nobody will listen... The Batman has to come back. 39. WAYNE What if he doesn't exist anymore? GORDON He must. He must. INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI ON GOTHAM STREETS - NIGHT Wayne pulls up in front of a row of shabby subdivided town houses. Checks a tracking device. Jon, provocatively dressed, leads a Yuppie Banker-type in through a front door. INT. SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Selina sits in a small room getting ready to go out. She picks up the pearls - hears a disturbance in the hall. JEN (O.S.) I told you - money first - YUPPIE (O.S.) Goddammit, you took my wallet! INT. STAIRWELL OUTSIDE SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS The Yuppie has Jen against the wall - he reaches back to hit her with an expensive wristwatch-clad arm. But Selina has grabbed his wrist with a powerful grip. SELINA Get out. YUPPIE She took my wallet! Selina twists his arm behind him in a blinding move. SELINA Now. She releases the Yuppie, who moves off down the stairs. Selina turns to Jen. Who is examining a wallet. SELINA I told you not to try it with the assholes, Jen. JEN They're all assholes. 40. SELINA Okay, the assholes who hit. JEN I don't know what he's so upset about, he only had sixty bucks in here. SELINA Probably the watch. YOUNG WOMAN Watch? Selina opens her hand and gives Jen the Yuppie's Rolex. EXT. SELINA'S BUILDING, OLD TOWN, GOTHAM - LATER Selina exits and hails a cab. Wayne watches her go. Then pulls out. Checking his tracker. EXT. MUSEUM, GOTHAM - LATER Town cars dispense Gotham society in tasteful masquerade. Wayne pulls up to the Valet. Paparazzi line the entrance. Wayne uses his cane to get out of his Lamborghini... PAPARAZZI Another stiff too old to climb out of his sports car. PAPARAZZI 2 No, that's Bruce Wayne! Hey, Wayne, where you been hiding? Lenses swing onto Wayne, who pushes a button on his key fob - a pulse. The cameras die. Wayne heads to the door. WAYNE I'm not sure if my assistant put me on the guest list - GREETER Right through here, Mr. Wayne... 41. INT. MUSEUM - CONTINUOUS A lavish ball - the expressively attired dance under falling confetti... Even Bruce Wayne is struck by the ostentation. He spots Selina dancing with a deeply smitten Rich Twit. She wears a small, velvet pair of cat ears. And the pearls. MIRANDA (O.S) Bruce Wayne at a charity ball? Wayne turns to find Miranda Tate, amazed, a small mask her only concession to fancy dress. WAYNE Miss Tate, isn't it? MIRANDA Even before you became a recluse, you never came to these things... WAYNE True. Proceeds go to the big fat spread, not the cause. It's not about charity, it's about feeding the ego of whichever society hag laid it on. MIRANDA Actually, this is my party, Mr. Wayne. WAYNE Oh. MIRANDA And the proceeds will go where they should, because I paid for the big fat spread myself. WAYNE That's very generous of you. MIRANDA You have to invest to restore balance to the world. Take our clean-energy project... WAYNE Sometimes the investment doesn't pay off. Sorry. 42. MIRANDA You have a practiced apathy, Mr. Wayne. But a man who doesn't care about the world doesn't spend half his fortune on a plan to save it... (Gentle.) And isn't so wounded when it fails that he goes into hiding... Wayne looks at Miranda. Intrigued. MIRANDA Have a good evening, Mr. Wayne. Wayne watches Miranda glide away. Then turns to Selina. WAYNE Mind if I cut in? Rich Twit turns, annoyed - Wayne hands him his cane. Takes Selina by the waist. She glares at him. WAYNE You don't seem very happy to see me. SELINA You were supposed to be a shut-in. WAYNE Felt like some fresh air. SELINA Why didn't you call the police? WAYNE I have a powerful friend who deals with this kind of thing. (Admires her cat ears.) Brazen costume for a cat burglar. SELINA Yeah? Who are you pretending to be? WAYNE Bruce Wayne, eccentric billionaire. Who's your date? SELINA His wife's in Ibiza. She left her diamonds behind, though. Worried they'd get stolen. 43. WAYNE It's pronounced 'Ibeetha'. You wouldn't want these folks realizing you're a crook not a social climber. SELINA (flash of anger) You think I care what anyone in this room thinks about me? WAYNE I doubt you care what anyone in this room thinks about you. SELINA Don't condescend, Mr. Wayne. You don't know a thing about me. WAYNE Well, Selina Kyle, I know you came here from your walk-up in Old Town - modest place for a master jewel thief. Which means either you're saving for your retirement - or you're in deep with the wrong people. SELINA You don't get to judge me because you were born in the master bedroom of Wayne Manor. WAYNE Actually, I was born in the Regency Room. SELINA I started off doing what I had to. Once you've done what you had to they'll never let you do what you want to. WAYNE Start fresh. SELINA There's no fresh start in today's world. Any twelve-year-old with a cell phone could find out what you did. Everything we do is collated and quantified. Everything sticks. We are the sum of our mistakes. 44. WAYNE Or our achievements. SELINA The mistakes stick better. Trust me. WAYNE You think that justifies stealing? SELINA I take what I need to from those who have more than enough. I don't stand on the shoulders of people with less. WAYNE Robin Hood? SELINA I'd do more to help someone than most of the people in this room. Than you. WAYNE Maybe you're assuming too much. SELINA Or maybe you're being unrealistic about what's really in your pants other than your wallet. WAYNE Ouch. SELINA You think all this can last? Wayne glances around at the sumptuous party. SELINA There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits you're all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little to the rest of us. WAYNE Sounds like you're looking forward to it. 45. SELINA I'm adaptable. WAYNE These pearls do look better on you then they did in my safe... Wayne rolls her into his shoulder - reaches up to the back of her neck, unclasps the necklace. But I still can't let you keep them. The pearls slide off her neck into his other hand. Selina looks at him. Angry. Then kisses him, hard, and disappears into the crowd. Wayne's cane reappears. RICH TWIT (ANNOYED) You scared her off. WAYNE Not likely. EXT. MUSEUM - MOMENTS LATER Wayne approaches the Valet. Pats down his pockets. WAYNE I must have lost my ticket - VALET Your wife said you were taking a cab home, sir. WAYNE My wife? INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI RACING DOWN STREETS - CONTINUOUS Selina permits herself a little smile as she guns the engine. INT. ROLLS ROYCE - LATER Alfred watches in the mirror as Wayne climbs into the back. ALFRED Just you, sir? Wayne gives him a withering glare. (MORE) 46. ALFRED (CONT'D) Don't worry, Master Wayne. Takes a little time to get back into the swing of things. Wayne dials his phone. FOX (O.S.) This is Fox. WAYNE Remember those 'unusual requests' I used to make? FOX (O.S.) I knew it! Up front, Alfred listens. Concerned. INT. BATCAVE - DAY Wayne pushes a button on a hi-tech carbon fiber brace strapped to his good knee - the brace tones. As Wayne starts moving his knee, bending, stretching, Alfred puts down a Thermos. ALFRED You've got the wrong leg, sir. WAYNE You start with the good limb so it learns your optimum muscle patterns. Wayne swaps the brace to his bad knee. Puts his weight on it - the knee bends, kicks. He sits again. Cautious. Now we tighten it up. Wayne gingerly pushes a button - the brace starts to shrink tight to his leg, digging in. Wayne grits his teeth. ALFRED It is terribly painful? WAYNE (GRITTED TEETH) You're welcome to try it, Alfred. ALFRED Happy watching, thank you, sir. Wayne shouts as the brace clicks home. He gets to his feet. 47. WAYNE Not bad - Wayne executes a perfect roundhouse, knocking out a brick. Not bad at all. Alfred picks up the brick. Considers it. Uneasy. He follows Wayne across the bridge to the cube. ALFRED Master Wayne, if you're considering going back out there you need to hear some rumors surrounding Bane. WAYNE I'm all ears. ALFRED There is a prison. In a more ancient part of the world. A pit. Where men are thrown to suffer and die. But sometimes, a man rises from the darkness. Sometimes...the pit sends something back. WAYNE Bane. ALFRED Born and raised in a hell on earth. WAYNE Born in a prison? ALFRED No one knows why. Or how he escaped. But they know who trained him one he did...R 's al Gh l. Your A U mentor. Wayne takes this in. Shocked. ALFRED He plucked Bane from a dark corner of the earth and trained him in the blackest disciplines of combat, deception and endurance. Just like you. WAYNE Bane was a member of the League of Shadows. 48. ALFRED Until he was excommunicated. And a man considered too extreme for R 's A al Gh l is not to be trifled with. U WAYNE I didn't realize I was known for trifling with criminals. ALFRED That was then. And you can strap up your leg and put the mask back on. But it won't make you what you were. WAYNE Which was? ALFRED Someone whose anger at death made him value all life. Even his own. WAYNE If this man is all the things you say he is, then this city needs me. The Batsuit emerges from the cube. ALFRED Yes, this city needs Bruce Wayne. Your resources, your knowledge...not your body. Not your life. That time has passed. WAYNE I tried helping as Bruce Wayne, Alfred. And I failed. ALFRED You can fail as Bruce Wayne. As Batman, you can't afford to. WAYNE That's what you're afraid of - that if I go back out there I'll fail. ALFRED No. I'm afraid that you want to. Wayne looks at Alfred. Then turns to examine the Batsuit. 49. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - EVENING A frenzy of trading on the packed floor... Two Traders sit on a shoeshine stand in the lobby. TRADER 2 You can't short the stock because Bruce Wayne goes to a party - TRADER 1 Wayne coming back is change. Change is either good or bad. TRADER 2 On what basis? TRADER 1 I flipped a coin. Near the front entrance: a Food Delivery Guy is standing there negotiating with a Trader. TRADER 3 No. Rye. I told 'em rye. Trader 3 spots bad news on a screen. Alright, I'll take it. He thrusts Food Guy a tip and grabs the bag, distracted... At the rear secure entrance: a Motorcycle Courier enters, wearing his helmet - a Female Security Guard gets in his face. FEMALE SECURITY GUARD Rookie! Lose the helmet! (Points at a camera.) We need faces for cameras. In the rest room: a Janitor mops the floor, shifting out of the way of two Traders who rush in to pee. At the shoeshine stand, Trader 1 waves a bill down at the man shining his shoes without a glance. Shoeshine Man takes the bill, then, as the Traders step off, he reaches into a gym bag and checks an automatic weapon. He clicks the slide home, then hoists the gym bag and heads for the trading floor. At the secure entrance: the Courier pulls off his helmet. The Female Security Guard's eyes go wide. 50. In the rest room: the Janitor reaches into his bucket and pulls out a machine pistol in a Ziploc bag. Near the front entrance: Food Guy pulls an automatic pistol - clubs Trader 3 with it, pastrami flying. Shoeshine Man moves onto the floor, pulls out his weapon. Under the Courier's helmet - a mask. Bane. He grabs the Female Security Guard and throws her into her colleagues, lashing out in four directions with rapidfire lethality. Shoeshine Man fires into the large trading screens. The floor erupts into a different frenzy - traders hit the deck, screaming. Bane moves onto the floor... TRADER 1 This is a stock exchange, there's no money you can steal - He dries up as Bane stops. Turns to him... BANE Why else would you people be here? Bane grabs Trader 1 by the throat and drags him across the floor to an online automated trades terminal... He puts the man's thumb onto the print reader - the screen lights up. BANE Enter your password. Or I send these men to your home. Trader 1, terrified, types in his password. Outside, sirens. Shoeshine man pulls out a USB drive with an antenna - plugs it into the computer - figures race across the screen... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Police vehicles screech into the narrow street - construction vehicles are blocking. Blake argues with a burly Construction Worker. BLAKE Move it, now! We've got a situation. CONSTRUCTION WORKER Where can I move it?! BLAKE That way! Blake points - but SWAT vehicles pile in, blocking. 51. BLAKE Get in your vehicle and stay there! Foley and the SWAT Commander, Allen, approach the entrance. The Market Security Chief walks up, frantic. SECURITY CHIEF You've gotta get in there! FOLEY This is a hostage situation - SECURITY CHIEF It's a robbery! They've got direct access to the online trading desk. FOLEY I'm not risking my men for your MONEY - SECURITY CHIEF It's not our money, it's everyone's! ALLEN Really? Mine's in my mattress. SECURITY CHIEF If you don't shut these guys down, the stuffing in that mattress might be worth a whole lot less, pal. FOLEY Cut the fiber line - shut down the cell tower. That'll slow them down. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Shoeshine Man looks up from the laptop. SHOESHINE MAN They cut the fiber. Cell's working. BANE For now. How much longer does the program need? SHOESHINE MAN Eight minutes. 52. BANE Time to go mobile. Shoeshine Man picks up the laptop, slips it into his pack... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Allen shouts at his men. ALLEN Get the barriers up - no more in and out on this street! Steel wedge-shaped barriers rise up at the mouth of the street. A Sniper watches the doors through a thermal scope. Six large heat signatures bloom, too big for people... SNIPER I've got something - The door explodes. SWATs duck, six sportbikes race out and leap the ramp-like barricades, sending SWATs scattering. Cops scramble to pull their vehicles out to give chase. EXT. GOTHAM STREET - CONTINUOUS The bikes weave through traffic, Traders strapped to the back, facing backwards - screaming, ties flying in the wind. A cruiser falls in behind. ROOKIE COP Shoot the tires! A Veteran Cop sights a shot, but the Traders are in the way. VETERAN COP No shot! EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Foley is barking into his radio. FOLEY Back off, back off! They've got hostages! 53. INT./EXT. CRUISER ON GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS The cruiser follows the bike into a large tunnel. A Rookie Cop looks up into his rear-view. ROOKIE COP What's going on with the lights? The Veteran Cop looks back - streetlights and headlights are dying one after another. The darkness is chasing them - the darkness hits them. Their lights, sirens, and engine die... And, out of the silence, a dark shape roars past - VETERAN COP It can't be... ROOKIE COP The hell was that?! VETERAN COP Oh boy. You're in for a show tonight, son. EXT. HIGHWAY - CONTINUOUS Food Guy drives the rear bike. He looks back - sees streetlights explode behind him - darkness catching him up. The engine chokes and dies.

towering

How many times the word 'towering' appears in the text?

- CONTINUOUS The SWATs return fire. The Thugs lay down cover fire, then race around a corner into a smaller passage. A cop car pulls up, blocking the mouth of the alley - Gordon jumps out, gun drawn. The SWATs approach the passage, massing on both corners tactically. The two corner SWATs exchange hand signals, counting down... They round the corner, aiming low and high. The passage is empty. The SWATs cover a fire escape, but Gordon spots at once - GORDON Manhole! He races to the manhole cover - SWATs wrench off the cover, Gordon grabs a flashlight from the nearest SWAT. GORDON You three, down with me. You two, head down to cover the next exit - SWAT Where -? GORDON Get the DWP down here, now! Gordon starts climbing down the ladder... INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon moves down the tunnel, flashlight low. Three SWATs fall in behind... 27. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake comes into the alley. Cops surround the manhole. COP Where's the DWP guy? BLAKE They went down there? FOLEY (shaking his head) And Gordon took SWAT in after them. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon hears a noise up ahead - pushes forward, rounds the corner. BANG! GUNFIRE. SWATs return fire, shots sparking off the concrete walls, then - BOOM - behind him the tunnel ERUPTS IN FIRE, blasting the SWATs. Gordon races forward, tearing through the tunnels. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake jumps back as a fireball bursts out of the manhole. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon races around a corner, gun drawn. A noise makes him turn - WHACK, he is clobbered from behind by a Thug. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake pushes forward. BLAKE Come on, we gotta get down there - COP That was a gas explosion, kid - BLAKE Gas? This is a sewer! FOLEY No one goes in there till we know what's down there. 28. BLAKE We know what's down there, sir. The Police Commissioner! FOLEY Somebody get the hothead out of here. And get me a DWP guy! Blake backs off. Gets an idea - goes for his patrol car. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Thug 1 flips Gordon onto his back. THUG 1 This one's alive. (Looks closer.) Jesus. It's the Police Commissioner. THUG 2 What do we do? THUG 1 Take him to Bane. The two Thugs drag Gordon down through the maze of tunnels. As they descend deeper they encounter work crews of muscular men wielding large drills and jackhammers, working the walls and ceiling of the larger tunnels. Some of the men are armed Mercenaries, overseeing gangs of homeless street kids. They stare as Gordon is dragged past. The Thugs drag Gordon between two waterfalls, into - INT. BANE'S LAIR, SEWERS - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT) They approach a figure, turned away, crouched in the firelight. Bare-chested, muscular, masked. Bane. A crooked line of scar tissue runs the length of his spine... BANE Why are you here? The Thugs drop Gordon at Bane's feet. THUG 1 Answer him! Bane slowly turns to the Thugs. 29. BANE I'm asking you. THUG 1 It's the Police Commissioner. BANE And you brought him down here? THUG 2 We didn't know what to do. We - BANE You panicked. And your weakness costs three lives. THUG 1 No, he's alone - Bane flips the Thug's chin up and to the side with a crack. Thug 1 drops. Bane turns to Thug 2. BANE Search him. Then I will kill you. The Thug, terrified, pulls out Gordon's badge, wallet, gun...and the folded papers of the speech he did not read. Bane takes these one by one with quick glances. He stops at the papers. Unfolds them... As he reads, Gordon rolls off the steps, dropping into the rushing flow of water - gunshots ring out... THUG 2 He's dead. Thug 2 trails off as Bane looks up from the papers... BANE Then show me his body. THUG 2 That water runs to any one of the outflows - we'd never find him. Bane turns to the Lead Mercenary. BANE Give me your GPS. Lead Mercenary hands him a GPS - Bane tucks it into Thug 2's jacket, zips it up like a mother sending her kid to school. 30. BANE Follow him. THUG 2 Follow him? Bane shoots Thug 2, kicks him into the water. Turns to Lead Mercenary. BANE Track him. Make sure both bodies will not be found. Then brick up the south tunnel. EXT. WATER TREATMENT FACILITY - NIGHT Blake comes out to the catchment basin. He spots something stuck up against the grille, thrusts his hand into the raging waters - Gordon is there, alive. Just. Blake pulls him up onto the concrete, hoists him up, hurrying... INT. FRONT HALL, WAYNE MANOR - DAY Alfred opens the door to reveal Blake in his dirty uniform. BLAKE I need to see Bruce Wayne. ALFRED I'm sorry, Mr. Wayne doesn't take unscheduled calls. Even from police officers. BLAKE And if I go get a warrant, in the investigation of Harvey Dent's murder? Would that still count as unscheduled? INT. STUDY, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Blake is sitting, drumming his leg, nervous. Wayne enters. WAYNE What can I do for you, officer? BLAKE Commissioner Gordon's been shot. 31. WAYNE I'm sorry to hear that - BLAKE He chased a gunman down into the sewers. When I pulled him out he was babbling about an underground army. A masked man called 'Bane'. WAYNE Shouldn't you be telling this to your superior officers? BLAKE I did. One of them asked if he saw any giant alligators down there. He needs you. He needs the Batman. WAYNE If Commissioner Gordon thinks I'm the Batman he must be in a bad way - BLAKE He doesn't know or care who you are. (Off look.) But we've met before. When I was a kid. At the orphanage. See, my mom died when I was small. Car accident, I don't really remember it. But a couple of years later my dad was shot over a gambling debt. I remember that just fine. (Looks at Wayne.) Not a lot of people who know what it feels like, do they? To be angry. In your bones. People understand, foster parents understand. For a while. Then they expect the angry kid to do what he knows he can never do. To move on. To forget. Wayne stares at Blake. BLAKE So they stopped understanding and sent the angry kid to a boys' home - St. Swithin's. Used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation. See, I figured it out too late. You have to hide the anger. Practice smiling in the mirror. Like putting on a mask. You showed up one day in a cool car, pretty girl on your arm. (MORE) 32. BLAKE (CONT'D) We were so excited - Bruce Wayne, billionaire orphan. We made up stories about you. Legends. The other boys' stories were just that. But when I saw you I knew who you really were... (Beat.) I'd seen that look on your face. Same one I taught myself. Blake gets up to leave. Wayne is lost in thought. BLAKE I don't know why you took the fall for Dent's murder, but I'm still a believer in the Batman. Even if you're not. WAYNE Why did you say your boys' home used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation? BLAKE Because the money stopped. Might be time to get some fresh air and start paying attention to the details. Some of those details might need your help. INT. HALL, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Wayne and Alfred watch Blake drive away. WAYNE You checked that name? 'Bane' - ALFRED Ran it through some databases. He's a mercenary. No other known name. Never been seen or photographed without a mask. He and his men were behind a coup in West Africa that secured mining operations for our friend John Daggett. WAYNE Now Daggett's brought them here? ALFRED It would seem so. I'll keep digging. 33. Alfred turns to leave. WAYNE Why did the Wayne Foundation stop funding boys' homes in the city? ALFRED The Foundation is funded from the profits of Wayne Enterprises... (Off look.) There have to be some. WAYNE Time to talk to Mr. Fox, I think. ALFRED I'll get him on the phone - WAYNE No. Do we still have any cars around the place? ALFRED (LIGHTS UP) One or two. WAYNE And I need an appointment at the hospital. About my leg. ALFRED Which hospital, sir? WAYNE Whichever one Jim Gordon's in. Alfred is less excited by this part of the request. EXT. WAYNE ENTERPRISES - DAY Moving towards the tall skyscraper downtown. MIRANDA (V.O.) Mr. Fox, I believe in what Mr. Wayne was trying to do... INT. BOARDROOM, WAYNE ENTERPRISES - CONTINUOUS Miranda is talking to Lucius Fox at the table. 34. MIRANDA I'm only asking for explanations because I think I can help. FOX I'll pass along your request. Next time I see him. Miranda catches something in this. MIRANDA He doesn't talk to you either? FOX Let's just say that Bruce Wayne has his...eccentricities. MIRANDA (RISING) Mr. Fox, are you aware that John Daggett is trying to acquire shares in Wayne Enterprises? FOX I was not. But it wouldn't do him any good - Mr. Wayne still retains a clear majority. Miranda leaves. Fox moves into his office - stops. FOX Bruce Wayne. As I live and breathe. Wayne rises, pushing hard on his cane. FOX What brings you out of cryo-sleep Mr. Wayne? WAYNE I see you haven't lost your sense of humor...even if you have lost most of my money. FOX Actually, you did that yourself. See, if you funnel the entire R and D budget for five years into a fusion project that you then mothball, your company is unlikely to thrive. 35. WAYNE Even with - FOX A wildly sophisticated CEO, yes. Wayne Enterprises is running out of time. And Daggett is moving in. WAYNE What're my options? FOX If you're not willing to turn your machine on - WAYNE I can't, Lucius. FOX Then sit tight. Your majority keeps Daggett at arm's length while we figure out a future for the energy program with Miranda Tate - she's supported your project all the way. She's smart, and quite lovely. WAYNE You too, Lucius? FOX We all just want what's best for you, Bruce. Show her the machine. WAYNE I'll think it over. FOX Anything else? WAYNE No, why? FOX These conversations always used to end with some...unusual requests. WAYNE I retired. FOX Let me show you some stuff, anyway. Fox hits a button - the bookcase opens into a hidden elevator. 36. INT. APPLIED SCIENCES - MOMENTS LATER Fox leads Wayne into the vast, gadget-filled space. They pass Tumblers with different weapons configurations... WAYNE I figured you'd have shut this place down. FOX It was always shut down, officially. WAYNE But all this new stuff? FOX After your father died, Wayne Enterprises set up fourteen different defense subsidiaries. I've spent years shuttering them and consolidating all the prototypes under one roof. My roof. WAYNE Why? FOX Stop them falling into the wrong hands. Besides, I thought someone might get some use out of them... Wayne shakes his head. FOX Sure I can't tempt you to something? Pneumatic crampons? Infrared lenses? Least let me get you something for that leg. WAYNE It's fine the use it gets these days. FOX Well, then I have just the thing for an eccentric billionaire who doesn't like to walk... Fox opens a door - we glimpse a sleek vehicle. Wayne's eyes light up. 37. WAYNE Now you're just showing off. FOX Defense Department project for tight-geometry urban pacification. Rotors configured for maneuvering between buildings without recirculation. WAYNE What's it called? FOX It has a long and uninteresting Wayne Enterprises designation. So I took to calling it the Bat. And yes, Mr. Wayne, it does come in black. Wayne touches its sleek side. Marveling. FOX Works great except for the autopilot. WAYNE What's wrong with that? FOX Software-based instability. Take a better mind than mine to fix it. WAYNE Better mind? FOX I was trying to be modest. A less busy mind. Yours, perhaps. Wayne looks wistfully at the machine. Turns away. WAYNE I told you. I retired, Lucius. INT. EXAMINATION ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - NIGHT Wayne listens, distracted, while a Doctor examines an X-ray. DOCTOR I've seen worse cartilage in knees - 38. WAYNE That's good - DOCTOR No, that's because there is no cartilage in your knee. And not much of any use in your elbows and shoulders. Between that and the scar tissue on your kidneys, residual concussive damage to your brain tissue and general scarred-over quality of your body... (Takes a deep breath.) I cannot recommend that you go heli-skiing. About the only part of your body that looks healthy is your liver, so if you're bored I recommend you take up drinking, Mr. Wayne. Wayne smiles. The Doctor leaves. Wayne pulls on a ski mask, steps to the window, hops up, pulls a wire from his cane, which he clips to his belt. He props his cane behind the frame - jumps out. The wire unspools from the cane as - EXT. TENTH FLOOR, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS Wayne drops three floors... INT. PRIVATE ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL - CONTINUOUS Gordon lies in his bed, hooked up to machines. Wayne, in ski mask, stands over him. Gordon's eyes flutter open. He tries to speak with a weak, hoarse voice... GORDON We were in this together. Then you were gone... WAYNE The Batman wasn't needed anymore. We won. GORDON Built on a lie. Our lie. Now there's evil rising from where we tried to bury it. Nobody will listen... The Batman has to come back. 39. WAYNE What if he doesn't exist anymore? GORDON He must. He must. INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI ON GOTHAM STREETS - NIGHT Wayne pulls up in front of a row of shabby subdivided town houses. Checks a tracking device. Jon, provocatively dressed, leads a Yuppie Banker-type in through a front door. INT. SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Selina sits in a small room getting ready to go out. She picks up the pearls - hears a disturbance in the hall. JEN (O.S.) I told you - money first - YUPPIE (O.S.) Goddammit, you took my wallet! INT. STAIRWELL OUTSIDE SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS The Yuppie has Jen against the wall - he reaches back to hit her with an expensive wristwatch-clad arm. But Selina has grabbed his wrist with a powerful grip. SELINA Get out. YUPPIE She took my wallet! Selina twists his arm behind him in a blinding move. SELINA Now. She releases the Yuppie, who moves off down the stairs. Selina turns to Jen. Who is examining a wallet. SELINA I told you not to try it with the assholes, Jen. JEN They're all assholes. 40. SELINA Okay, the assholes who hit. JEN I don't know what he's so upset about, he only had sixty bucks in here. SELINA Probably the watch. YOUNG WOMAN Watch? Selina opens her hand and gives Jen the Yuppie's Rolex. EXT. SELINA'S BUILDING, OLD TOWN, GOTHAM - LATER Selina exits and hails a cab. Wayne watches her go. Then pulls out. Checking his tracker. EXT. MUSEUM, GOTHAM - LATER Town cars dispense Gotham society in tasteful masquerade. Wayne pulls up to the Valet. Paparazzi line the entrance. Wayne uses his cane to get out of his Lamborghini... PAPARAZZI Another stiff too old to climb out of his sports car. PAPARAZZI 2 No, that's Bruce Wayne! Hey, Wayne, where you been hiding? Lenses swing onto Wayne, who pushes a button on his key fob - a pulse. The cameras die. Wayne heads to the door. WAYNE I'm not sure if my assistant put me on the guest list - GREETER Right through here, Mr. Wayne... 41. INT. MUSEUM - CONTINUOUS A lavish ball - the expressively attired dance under falling confetti... Even Bruce Wayne is struck by the ostentation. He spots Selina dancing with a deeply smitten Rich Twit. She wears a small, velvet pair of cat ears. And the pearls. MIRANDA (O.S) Bruce Wayne at a charity ball? Wayne turns to find Miranda Tate, amazed, a small mask her only concession to fancy dress. WAYNE Miss Tate, isn't it? MIRANDA Even before you became a recluse, you never came to these things... WAYNE True. Proceeds go to the big fat spread, not the cause. It's not about charity, it's about feeding the ego of whichever society hag laid it on. MIRANDA Actually, this is my party, Mr. Wayne. WAYNE Oh. MIRANDA And the proceeds will go where they should, because I paid for the big fat spread myself. WAYNE That's very generous of you. MIRANDA You have to invest to restore balance to the world. Take our clean-energy project... WAYNE Sometimes the investment doesn't pay off. Sorry. 42. MIRANDA You have a practiced apathy, Mr. Wayne. But a man who doesn't care about the world doesn't spend half his fortune on a plan to save it... (Gentle.) And isn't so wounded when it fails that he goes into hiding... Wayne looks at Miranda. Intrigued. MIRANDA Have a good evening, Mr. Wayne. Wayne watches Miranda glide away. Then turns to Selina. WAYNE Mind if I cut in? Rich Twit turns, annoyed - Wayne hands him his cane. Takes Selina by the waist. She glares at him. WAYNE You don't seem very happy to see me. SELINA You were supposed to be a shut-in. WAYNE Felt like some fresh air. SELINA Why didn't you call the police? WAYNE I have a powerful friend who deals with this kind of thing. (Admires her cat ears.) Brazen costume for a cat burglar. SELINA Yeah? Who are you pretending to be? WAYNE Bruce Wayne, eccentric billionaire. Who's your date? SELINA His wife's in Ibiza. She left her diamonds behind, though. Worried they'd get stolen. 43. WAYNE It's pronounced 'Ibeetha'. You wouldn't want these folks realizing you're a crook not a social climber. SELINA (flash of anger) You think I care what anyone in this room thinks about me? WAYNE I doubt you care what anyone in this room thinks about you. SELINA Don't condescend, Mr. Wayne. You don't know a thing about me. WAYNE Well, Selina Kyle, I know you came here from your walk-up in Old Town - modest place for a master jewel thief. Which means either you're saving for your retirement - or you're in deep with the wrong people. SELINA You don't get to judge me because you were born in the master bedroom of Wayne Manor. WAYNE Actually, I was born in the Regency Room. SELINA I started off doing what I had to. Once you've done what you had to they'll never let you do what you want to. WAYNE Start fresh. SELINA There's no fresh start in today's world. Any twelve-year-old with a cell phone could find out what you did. Everything we do is collated and quantified. Everything sticks. We are the sum of our mistakes. 44. WAYNE Or our achievements. SELINA The mistakes stick better. Trust me. WAYNE You think that justifies stealing? SELINA I take what I need to from those who have more than enough. I don't stand on the shoulders of people with less. WAYNE Robin Hood? SELINA I'd do more to help someone than most of the people in this room. Than you. WAYNE Maybe you're assuming too much. SELINA Or maybe you're being unrealistic about what's really in your pants other than your wallet. WAYNE Ouch. SELINA You think all this can last? Wayne glances around at the sumptuous party. SELINA There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits you're all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little to the rest of us. WAYNE Sounds like you're looking forward to it. 45. SELINA I'm adaptable. WAYNE These pearls do look better on you then they did in my safe... Wayne rolls her into his shoulder - reaches up to the back of her neck, unclasps the necklace. But I still can't let you keep them. The pearls slide off her neck into his other hand. Selina looks at him. Angry. Then kisses him, hard, and disappears into the crowd. Wayne's cane reappears. RICH TWIT (ANNOYED) You scared her off. WAYNE Not likely. EXT. MUSEUM - MOMENTS LATER Wayne approaches the Valet. Pats down his pockets. WAYNE I must have lost my ticket - VALET Your wife said you were taking a cab home, sir. WAYNE My wife? INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI RACING DOWN STREETS - CONTINUOUS Selina permits herself a little smile as she guns the engine. INT. ROLLS ROYCE - LATER Alfred watches in the mirror as Wayne climbs into the back. ALFRED Just you, sir? Wayne gives him a withering glare. (MORE) 46. ALFRED (CONT'D) Don't worry, Master Wayne. Takes a little time to get back into the swing of things. Wayne dials his phone. FOX (O.S.) This is Fox. WAYNE Remember those 'unusual requests' I used to make? FOX (O.S.) I knew it! Up front, Alfred listens. Concerned. INT. BATCAVE - DAY Wayne pushes a button on a hi-tech carbon fiber brace strapped to his good knee - the brace tones. As Wayne starts moving his knee, bending, stretching, Alfred puts down a Thermos. ALFRED You've got the wrong leg, sir. WAYNE You start with the good limb so it learns your optimum muscle patterns. Wayne swaps the brace to his bad knee. Puts his weight on it - the knee bends, kicks. He sits again. Cautious. Now we tighten it up. Wayne gingerly pushes a button - the brace starts to shrink tight to his leg, digging in. Wayne grits his teeth. ALFRED It is terribly painful? WAYNE (GRITTED TEETH) You're welcome to try it, Alfred. ALFRED Happy watching, thank you, sir. Wayne shouts as the brace clicks home. He gets to his feet. 47. WAYNE Not bad - Wayne executes a perfect roundhouse, knocking out a brick. Not bad at all. Alfred picks up the brick. Considers it. Uneasy. He follows Wayne across the bridge to the cube. ALFRED Master Wayne, if you're considering going back out there you need to hear some rumors surrounding Bane. WAYNE I'm all ears. ALFRED There is a prison. In a more ancient part of the world. A pit. Where men are thrown to suffer and die. But sometimes, a man rises from the darkness. Sometimes...the pit sends something back. WAYNE Bane. ALFRED Born and raised in a hell on earth. WAYNE Born in a prison? ALFRED No one knows why. Or how he escaped. But they know who trained him one he did...R 's al Gh l. Your A U mentor. Wayne takes this in. Shocked. ALFRED He plucked Bane from a dark corner of the earth and trained him in the blackest disciplines of combat, deception and endurance. Just like you. WAYNE Bane was a member of the League of Shadows. 48. ALFRED Until he was excommunicated. And a man considered too extreme for R 's A al Gh l is not to be trifled with. U WAYNE I didn't realize I was known for trifling with criminals. ALFRED That was then. And you can strap up your leg and put the mask back on. But it won't make you what you were. WAYNE Which was? ALFRED Someone whose anger at death made him value all life. Even his own. WAYNE If this man is all the things you say he is, then this city needs me. The Batsuit emerges from the cube. ALFRED Yes, this city needs Bruce Wayne. Your resources, your knowledge...not your body. Not your life. That time has passed. WAYNE I tried helping as Bruce Wayne, Alfred. And I failed. ALFRED You can fail as Bruce Wayne. As Batman, you can't afford to. WAYNE That's what you're afraid of - that if I go back out there I'll fail. ALFRED No. I'm afraid that you want to. Wayne looks at Alfred. Then turns to examine the Batsuit. 49. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - EVENING A frenzy of trading on the packed floor... Two Traders sit on a shoeshine stand in the lobby. TRADER 2 You can't short the stock because Bruce Wayne goes to a party - TRADER 1 Wayne coming back is change. Change is either good or bad. TRADER 2 On what basis? TRADER 1 I flipped a coin. Near the front entrance: a Food Delivery Guy is standing there negotiating with a Trader. TRADER 3 No. Rye. I told 'em rye. Trader 3 spots bad news on a screen. Alright, I'll take it. He thrusts Food Guy a tip and grabs the bag, distracted... At the rear secure entrance: a Motorcycle Courier enters, wearing his helmet - a Female Security Guard gets in his face. FEMALE SECURITY GUARD Rookie! Lose the helmet! (Points at a camera.) We need faces for cameras. In the rest room: a Janitor mops the floor, shifting out of the way of two Traders who rush in to pee. At the shoeshine stand, Trader 1 waves a bill down at the man shining his shoes without a glance. Shoeshine Man takes the bill, then, as the Traders step off, he reaches into a gym bag and checks an automatic weapon. He clicks the slide home, then hoists the gym bag and heads for the trading floor. At the secure entrance: the Courier pulls off his helmet. The Female Security Guard's eyes go wide. 50. In the rest room: the Janitor reaches into his bucket and pulls out a machine pistol in a Ziploc bag. Near the front entrance: Food Guy pulls an automatic pistol - clubs Trader 3 with it, pastrami flying. Shoeshine Man moves onto the floor, pulls out his weapon. Under the Courier's helmet - a mask. Bane. He grabs the Female Security Guard and throws her into her colleagues, lashing out in four directions with rapidfire lethality. Shoeshine Man fires into the large trading screens. The floor erupts into a different frenzy - traders hit the deck, screaming. Bane moves onto the floor... TRADER 1 This is a stock exchange, there's no money you can steal - He dries up as Bane stops. Turns to him... BANE Why else would you people be here? Bane grabs Trader 1 by the throat and drags him across the floor to an online automated trades terminal... He puts the man's thumb onto the print reader - the screen lights up. BANE Enter your password. Or I send these men to your home. Trader 1, terrified, types in his password. Outside, sirens. Shoeshine man pulls out a USB drive with an antenna - plugs it into the computer - figures race across the screen... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Police vehicles screech into the narrow street - construction vehicles are blocking. Blake argues with a burly Construction Worker. BLAKE Move it, now! We've got a situation. CONSTRUCTION WORKER Where can I move it?! BLAKE That way! Blake points - but SWAT vehicles pile in, blocking. 51. BLAKE Get in your vehicle and stay there! Foley and the SWAT Commander, Allen, approach the entrance. The Market Security Chief walks up, frantic. SECURITY CHIEF You've gotta get in there! FOLEY This is a hostage situation - SECURITY CHIEF It's a robbery! They've got direct access to the online trading desk. FOLEY I'm not risking my men for your MONEY - SECURITY CHIEF It's not our money, it's everyone's! ALLEN Really? Mine's in my mattress. SECURITY CHIEF If you don't shut these guys down, the stuffing in that mattress might be worth a whole lot less, pal. FOLEY Cut the fiber line - shut down the cell tower. That'll slow them down. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Shoeshine Man looks up from the laptop. SHOESHINE MAN They cut the fiber. Cell's working. BANE For now. How much longer does the program need? SHOESHINE MAN Eight minutes. 52. BANE Time to go mobile. Shoeshine Man picks up the laptop, slips it into his pack... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Allen shouts at his men. ALLEN Get the barriers up - no more in and out on this street! Steel wedge-shaped barriers rise up at the mouth of the street. A Sniper watches the doors through a thermal scope. Six large heat signatures bloom, too big for people... SNIPER I've got something - The door explodes. SWATs duck, six sportbikes race out and leap the ramp-like barricades, sending SWATs scattering. Cops scramble to pull their vehicles out to give chase. EXT. GOTHAM STREET - CONTINUOUS The bikes weave through traffic, Traders strapped to the back, facing backwards - screaming, ties flying in the wind. A cruiser falls in behind. ROOKIE COP Shoot the tires! A Veteran Cop sights a shot, but the Traders are in the way. VETERAN COP No shot! EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Foley is barking into his radio. FOLEY Back off, back off! They've got hostages! 53. INT./EXT. CRUISER ON GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS The cruiser follows the bike into a large tunnel. A Rookie Cop looks up into his rear-view. ROOKIE COP What's going on with the lights? The Veteran Cop looks back - streetlights and headlights are dying one after another. The darkness is chasing them - the darkness hits them. Their lights, sirens, and engine die... And, out of the silence, a dark shape roars past - VETERAN COP It can't be... ROOKIE COP The hell was that?! VETERAN COP Oh boy. You're in for a show tonight, son. EXT. HIGHWAY - CONTINUOUS Food Guy drives the rear bike. He looks back - sees streetlights explode behind him - darkness catching him up. The engine chokes and dies.

between

How many times the word 'between' appears in the text?

- CONTINUOUS The SWATs return fire. The Thugs lay down cover fire, then race around a corner into a smaller passage. A cop car pulls up, blocking the mouth of the alley - Gordon jumps out, gun drawn. The SWATs approach the passage, massing on both corners tactically. The two corner SWATs exchange hand signals, counting down... They round the corner, aiming low and high. The passage is empty. The SWATs cover a fire escape, but Gordon spots at once - GORDON Manhole! He races to the manhole cover - SWATs wrench off the cover, Gordon grabs a flashlight from the nearest SWAT. GORDON You three, down with me. You two, head down to cover the next exit - SWAT Where -? GORDON Get the DWP down here, now! Gordon starts climbing down the ladder... INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon moves down the tunnel, flashlight low. Three SWATs fall in behind... 27. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake comes into the alley. Cops surround the manhole. COP Where's the DWP guy? BLAKE They went down there? FOLEY (shaking his head) And Gordon took SWAT in after them. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon hears a noise up ahead - pushes forward, rounds the corner. BANG! GUNFIRE. SWATs return fire, shots sparking off the concrete walls, then - BOOM - behind him the tunnel ERUPTS IN FIRE, blasting the SWATs. Gordon races forward, tearing through the tunnels. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake jumps back as a fireball bursts out of the manhole. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon races around a corner, gun drawn. A noise makes him turn - WHACK, he is clobbered from behind by a Thug. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake pushes forward. BLAKE Come on, we gotta get down there - COP That was a gas explosion, kid - BLAKE Gas? This is a sewer! FOLEY No one goes in there till we know what's down there. 28. BLAKE We know what's down there, sir. The Police Commissioner! FOLEY Somebody get the hothead out of here. And get me a DWP guy! Blake backs off. Gets an idea - goes for his patrol car. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Thug 1 flips Gordon onto his back. THUG 1 This one's alive. (Looks closer.) Jesus. It's the Police Commissioner. THUG 2 What do we do? THUG 1 Take him to Bane. The two Thugs drag Gordon down through the maze of tunnels. As they descend deeper they encounter work crews of muscular men wielding large drills and jackhammers, working the walls and ceiling of the larger tunnels. Some of the men are armed Mercenaries, overseeing gangs of homeless street kids. They stare as Gordon is dragged past. The Thugs drag Gordon between two waterfalls, into - INT. BANE'S LAIR, SEWERS - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT) They approach a figure, turned away, crouched in the firelight. Bare-chested, muscular, masked. Bane. A crooked line of scar tissue runs the length of his spine... BANE Why are you here? The Thugs drop Gordon at Bane's feet. THUG 1 Answer him! Bane slowly turns to the Thugs. 29. BANE I'm asking you. THUG 1 It's the Police Commissioner. BANE And you brought him down here? THUG 2 We didn't know what to do. We - BANE You panicked. And your weakness costs three lives. THUG 1 No, he's alone - Bane flips the Thug's chin up and to the side with a crack. Thug 1 drops. Bane turns to Thug 2. BANE Search him. Then I will kill you. The Thug, terrified, pulls out Gordon's badge, wallet, gun...and the folded papers of the speech he did not read. Bane takes these one by one with quick glances. He stops at the papers. Unfolds them... As he reads, Gordon rolls off the steps, dropping into the rushing flow of water - gunshots ring out... THUG 2 He's dead. Thug 2 trails off as Bane looks up from the papers... BANE Then show me his body. THUG 2 That water runs to any one of the outflows - we'd never find him. Bane turns to the Lead Mercenary. BANE Give me your GPS. Lead Mercenary hands him a GPS - Bane tucks it into Thug 2's jacket, zips it up like a mother sending her kid to school. 30. BANE Follow him. THUG 2 Follow him? Bane shoots Thug 2, kicks him into the water. Turns to Lead Mercenary. BANE Track him. Make sure both bodies will not be found. Then brick up the south tunnel. EXT. WATER TREATMENT FACILITY - NIGHT Blake comes out to the catchment basin. He spots something stuck up against the grille, thrusts his hand into the raging waters - Gordon is there, alive. Just. Blake pulls him up onto the concrete, hoists him up, hurrying... INT. FRONT HALL, WAYNE MANOR - DAY Alfred opens the door to reveal Blake in his dirty uniform. BLAKE I need to see Bruce Wayne. ALFRED I'm sorry, Mr. Wayne doesn't take unscheduled calls. Even from police officers. BLAKE And if I go get a warrant, in the investigation of Harvey Dent's murder? Would that still count as unscheduled? INT. STUDY, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Blake is sitting, drumming his leg, nervous. Wayne enters. WAYNE What can I do for you, officer? BLAKE Commissioner Gordon's been shot. 31. WAYNE I'm sorry to hear that - BLAKE He chased a gunman down into the sewers. When I pulled him out he was babbling about an underground army. A masked man called 'Bane'. WAYNE Shouldn't you be telling this to your superior officers? BLAKE I did. One of them asked if he saw any giant alligators down there. He needs you. He needs the Batman. WAYNE If Commissioner Gordon thinks I'm the Batman he must be in a bad way - BLAKE He doesn't know or care who you are. (Off look.) But we've met before. When I was a kid. At the orphanage. See, my mom died when I was small. Car accident, I don't really remember it. But a couple of years later my dad was shot over a gambling debt. I remember that just fine. (Looks at Wayne.) Not a lot of people who know what it feels like, do they? To be angry. In your bones. People understand, foster parents understand. For a while. Then they expect the angry kid to do what he knows he can never do. To move on. To forget. Wayne stares at Blake. BLAKE So they stopped understanding and sent the angry kid to a boys' home - St. Swithin's. Used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation. See, I figured it out too late. You have to hide the anger. Practice smiling in the mirror. Like putting on a mask. You showed up one day in a cool car, pretty girl on your arm. (MORE) 32. BLAKE (CONT'D) We were so excited - Bruce Wayne, billionaire orphan. We made up stories about you. Legends. The other boys' stories were just that. But when I saw you I knew who you really were... (Beat.) I'd seen that look on your face. Same one I taught myself. Blake gets up to leave. Wayne is lost in thought. BLAKE I don't know why you took the fall for Dent's murder, but I'm still a believer in the Batman. Even if you're not. WAYNE Why did you say your boys' home used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation? BLAKE Because the money stopped. Might be time to get some fresh air and start paying attention to the details. Some of those details might need your help. INT. HALL, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Wayne and Alfred watch Blake drive away. WAYNE You checked that name? 'Bane' - ALFRED Ran it through some databases. He's a mercenary. No other known name. Never been seen or photographed without a mask. He and his men were behind a coup in West Africa that secured mining operations for our friend John Daggett. WAYNE Now Daggett's brought them here? ALFRED It would seem so. I'll keep digging. 33. Alfred turns to leave. WAYNE Why did the Wayne Foundation stop funding boys' homes in the city? ALFRED The Foundation is funded from the profits of Wayne Enterprises... (Off look.) There have to be some. WAYNE Time to talk to Mr. Fox, I think. ALFRED I'll get him on the phone - WAYNE No. Do we still have any cars around the place? ALFRED (LIGHTS UP) One or two. WAYNE And I need an appointment at the hospital. About my leg. ALFRED Which hospital, sir? WAYNE Whichever one Jim Gordon's in. Alfred is less excited by this part of the request. EXT. WAYNE ENTERPRISES - DAY Moving towards the tall skyscraper downtown. MIRANDA (V.O.) Mr. Fox, I believe in what Mr. Wayne was trying to do... INT. BOARDROOM, WAYNE ENTERPRISES - CONTINUOUS Miranda is talking to Lucius Fox at the table. 34. MIRANDA I'm only asking for explanations because I think I can help. FOX I'll pass along your request. Next time I see him. Miranda catches something in this. MIRANDA He doesn't talk to you either? FOX Let's just say that Bruce Wayne has his...eccentricities. MIRANDA (RISING) Mr. Fox, are you aware that John Daggett is trying to acquire shares in Wayne Enterprises? FOX I was not. But it wouldn't do him any good - Mr. Wayne still retains a clear majority. Miranda leaves. Fox moves into his office - stops. FOX Bruce Wayne. As I live and breathe. Wayne rises, pushing hard on his cane. FOX What brings you out of cryo-sleep Mr. Wayne? WAYNE I see you haven't lost your sense of humor...even if you have lost most of my money. FOX Actually, you did that yourself. See, if you funnel the entire R and D budget for five years into a fusion project that you then mothball, your company is unlikely to thrive. 35. WAYNE Even with - FOX A wildly sophisticated CEO, yes. Wayne Enterprises is running out of time. And Daggett is moving in. WAYNE What're my options? FOX If you're not willing to turn your machine on - WAYNE I can't, Lucius. FOX Then sit tight. Your majority keeps Daggett at arm's length while we figure out a future for the energy program with Miranda Tate - she's supported your project all the way. She's smart, and quite lovely. WAYNE You too, Lucius? FOX We all just want what's best for you, Bruce. Show her the machine. WAYNE I'll think it over. FOX Anything else? WAYNE No, why? FOX These conversations always used to end with some...unusual requests. WAYNE I retired. FOX Let me show you some stuff, anyway. Fox hits a button - the bookcase opens into a hidden elevator. 36. INT. APPLIED SCIENCES - MOMENTS LATER Fox leads Wayne into the vast, gadget-filled space. They pass Tumblers with different weapons configurations... WAYNE I figured you'd have shut this place down. FOX It was always shut down, officially. WAYNE But all this new stuff? FOX After your father died, Wayne Enterprises set up fourteen different defense subsidiaries. I've spent years shuttering them and consolidating all the prototypes under one roof. My roof. WAYNE Why? FOX Stop them falling into the wrong hands. Besides, I thought someone might get some use out of them... Wayne shakes his head. FOX Sure I can't tempt you to something? Pneumatic crampons? Infrared lenses? Least let me get you something for that leg. WAYNE It's fine the use it gets these days. FOX Well, then I have just the thing for an eccentric billionaire who doesn't like to walk... Fox opens a door - we glimpse a sleek vehicle. Wayne's eyes light up. 37. WAYNE Now you're just showing off. FOX Defense Department project for tight-geometry urban pacification. Rotors configured for maneuvering between buildings without recirculation. WAYNE What's it called? FOX It has a long and uninteresting Wayne Enterprises designation. So I took to calling it the Bat. And yes, Mr. Wayne, it does come in black. Wayne touches its sleek side. Marveling. FOX Works great except for the autopilot. WAYNE What's wrong with that? FOX Software-based instability. Take a better mind than mine to fix it. WAYNE Better mind? FOX I was trying to be modest. A less busy mind. Yours, perhaps. Wayne looks wistfully at the machine. Turns away. WAYNE I told you. I retired, Lucius. INT. EXAMINATION ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - NIGHT Wayne listens, distracted, while a Doctor examines an X-ray. DOCTOR I've seen worse cartilage in knees - 38. WAYNE That's good - DOCTOR No, that's because there is no cartilage in your knee. And not much of any use in your elbows and shoulders. Between that and the scar tissue on your kidneys, residual concussive damage to your brain tissue and general scarred-over quality of your body... (Takes a deep breath.) I cannot recommend that you go heli-skiing. About the only part of your body that looks healthy is your liver, so if you're bored I recommend you take up drinking, Mr. Wayne. Wayne smiles. The Doctor leaves. Wayne pulls on a ski mask, steps to the window, hops up, pulls a wire from his cane, which he clips to his belt. He props his cane behind the frame - jumps out. The wire unspools from the cane as - EXT. TENTH FLOOR, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS Wayne drops three floors... INT. PRIVATE ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL - CONTINUOUS Gordon lies in his bed, hooked up to machines. Wayne, in ski mask, stands over him. Gordon's eyes flutter open. He tries to speak with a weak, hoarse voice... GORDON We were in this together. Then you were gone... WAYNE The Batman wasn't needed anymore. We won. GORDON Built on a lie. Our lie. Now there's evil rising from where we tried to bury it. Nobody will listen... The Batman has to come back. 39. WAYNE What if he doesn't exist anymore? GORDON He must. He must. INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI ON GOTHAM STREETS - NIGHT Wayne pulls up in front of a row of shabby subdivided town houses. Checks a tracking device. Jon, provocatively dressed, leads a Yuppie Banker-type in through a front door. INT. SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Selina sits in a small room getting ready to go out. She picks up the pearls - hears a disturbance in the hall. JEN (O.S.) I told you - money first - YUPPIE (O.S.) Goddammit, you took my wallet! INT. STAIRWELL OUTSIDE SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS The Yuppie has Jen against the wall - he reaches back to hit her with an expensive wristwatch-clad arm. But Selina has grabbed his wrist with a powerful grip. SELINA Get out. YUPPIE She took my wallet! Selina twists his arm behind him in a blinding move. SELINA Now. She releases the Yuppie, who moves off down the stairs. Selina turns to Jen. Who is examining a wallet. SELINA I told you not to try it with the assholes, Jen. JEN They're all assholes. 40. SELINA Okay, the assholes who hit. JEN I don't know what he's so upset about, he only had sixty bucks in here. SELINA Probably the watch. YOUNG WOMAN Watch? Selina opens her hand and gives Jen the Yuppie's Rolex. EXT. SELINA'S BUILDING, OLD TOWN, GOTHAM - LATER Selina exits and hails a cab. Wayne watches her go. Then pulls out. Checking his tracker. EXT. MUSEUM, GOTHAM - LATER Town cars dispense Gotham society in tasteful masquerade. Wayne pulls up to the Valet. Paparazzi line the entrance. Wayne uses his cane to get out of his Lamborghini... PAPARAZZI Another stiff too old to climb out of his sports car. PAPARAZZI 2 No, that's Bruce Wayne! Hey, Wayne, where you been hiding? Lenses swing onto Wayne, who pushes a button on his key fob - a pulse. The cameras die. Wayne heads to the door. WAYNE I'm not sure if my assistant put me on the guest list - GREETER Right through here, Mr. Wayne... 41. INT. MUSEUM - CONTINUOUS A lavish ball - the expressively attired dance under falling confetti... Even Bruce Wayne is struck by the ostentation. He spots Selina dancing with a deeply smitten Rich Twit. She wears a small, velvet pair of cat ears. And the pearls. MIRANDA (O.S) Bruce Wayne at a charity ball? Wayne turns to find Miranda Tate, amazed, a small mask her only concession to fancy dress. WAYNE Miss Tate, isn't it? MIRANDA Even before you became a recluse, you never came to these things... WAYNE True. Proceeds go to the big fat spread, not the cause. It's not about charity, it's about feeding the ego of whichever society hag laid it on. MIRANDA Actually, this is my party, Mr. Wayne. WAYNE Oh. MIRANDA And the proceeds will go where they should, because I paid for the big fat spread myself. WAYNE That's very generous of you. MIRANDA You have to invest to restore balance to the world. Take our clean-energy project... WAYNE Sometimes the investment doesn't pay off. Sorry. 42. MIRANDA You have a practiced apathy, Mr. Wayne. But a man who doesn't care about the world doesn't spend half his fortune on a plan to save it... (Gentle.) And isn't so wounded when it fails that he goes into hiding... Wayne looks at Miranda. Intrigued. MIRANDA Have a good evening, Mr. Wayne. Wayne watches Miranda glide away. Then turns to Selina. WAYNE Mind if I cut in? Rich Twit turns, annoyed - Wayne hands him his cane. Takes Selina by the waist. She glares at him. WAYNE You don't seem very happy to see me. SELINA You were supposed to be a shut-in. WAYNE Felt like some fresh air. SELINA Why didn't you call the police? WAYNE I have a powerful friend who deals with this kind of thing. (Admires her cat ears.) Brazen costume for a cat burglar. SELINA Yeah? Who are you pretending to be? WAYNE Bruce Wayne, eccentric billionaire. Who's your date? SELINA His wife's in Ibiza. She left her diamonds behind, though. Worried they'd get stolen. 43. WAYNE It's pronounced 'Ibeetha'. You wouldn't want these folks realizing you're a crook not a social climber. SELINA (flash of anger) You think I care what anyone in this room thinks about me? WAYNE I doubt you care what anyone in this room thinks about you. SELINA Don't condescend, Mr. Wayne. You don't know a thing about me. WAYNE Well, Selina Kyle, I know you came here from your walk-up in Old Town - modest place for a master jewel thief. Which means either you're saving for your retirement - or you're in deep with the wrong people. SELINA You don't get to judge me because you were born in the master bedroom of Wayne Manor. WAYNE Actually, I was born in the Regency Room. SELINA I started off doing what I had to. Once you've done what you had to they'll never let you do what you want to. WAYNE Start fresh. SELINA There's no fresh start in today's world. Any twelve-year-old with a cell phone could find out what you did. Everything we do is collated and quantified. Everything sticks. We are the sum of our mistakes. 44. WAYNE Or our achievements. SELINA The mistakes stick better. Trust me. WAYNE You think that justifies stealing? SELINA I take what I need to from those who have more than enough. I don't stand on the shoulders of people with less. WAYNE Robin Hood? SELINA I'd do more to help someone than most of the people in this room. Than you. WAYNE Maybe you're assuming too much. SELINA Or maybe you're being unrealistic about what's really in your pants other than your wallet. WAYNE Ouch. SELINA You think all this can last? Wayne glances around at the sumptuous party. SELINA There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits you're all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little to the rest of us. WAYNE Sounds like you're looking forward to it. 45. SELINA I'm adaptable. WAYNE These pearls do look better on you then they did in my safe... Wayne rolls her into his shoulder - reaches up to the back of her neck, unclasps the necklace. But I still can't let you keep them. The pearls slide off her neck into his other hand. Selina looks at him. Angry. Then kisses him, hard, and disappears into the crowd. Wayne's cane reappears. RICH TWIT (ANNOYED) You scared her off. WAYNE Not likely. EXT. MUSEUM - MOMENTS LATER Wayne approaches the Valet. Pats down his pockets. WAYNE I must have lost my ticket - VALET Your wife said you were taking a cab home, sir. WAYNE My wife? INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI RACING DOWN STREETS - CONTINUOUS Selina permits herself a little smile as she guns the engine. INT. ROLLS ROYCE - LATER Alfred watches in the mirror as Wayne climbs into the back. ALFRED Just you, sir? Wayne gives him a withering glare. (MORE) 46. ALFRED (CONT'D) Don't worry, Master Wayne. Takes a little time to get back into the swing of things. Wayne dials his phone. FOX (O.S.) This is Fox. WAYNE Remember those 'unusual requests' I used to make? FOX (O.S.) I knew it! Up front, Alfred listens. Concerned. INT. BATCAVE - DAY Wayne pushes a button on a hi-tech carbon fiber brace strapped to his good knee - the brace tones. As Wayne starts moving his knee, bending, stretching, Alfred puts down a Thermos. ALFRED You've got the wrong leg, sir. WAYNE You start with the good limb so it learns your optimum muscle patterns. Wayne swaps the brace to his bad knee. Puts his weight on it - the knee bends, kicks. He sits again. Cautious. Now we tighten it up. Wayne gingerly pushes a button - the brace starts to shrink tight to his leg, digging in. Wayne grits his teeth. ALFRED It is terribly painful? WAYNE (GRITTED TEETH) You're welcome to try it, Alfred. ALFRED Happy watching, thank you, sir. Wayne shouts as the brace clicks home. He gets to his feet. 47. WAYNE Not bad - Wayne executes a perfect roundhouse, knocking out a brick. Not bad at all. Alfred picks up the brick. Considers it. Uneasy. He follows Wayne across the bridge to the cube. ALFRED Master Wayne, if you're considering going back out there you need to hear some rumors surrounding Bane. WAYNE I'm all ears. ALFRED There is a prison. In a more ancient part of the world. A pit. Where men are thrown to suffer and die. But sometimes, a man rises from the darkness. Sometimes...the pit sends something back. WAYNE Bane. ALFRED Born and raised in a hell on earth. WAYNE Born in a prison? ALFRED No one knows why. Or how he escaped. But they know who trained him one he did...R 's al Gh l. Your A U mentor. Wayne takes this in. Shocked. ALFRED He plucked Bane from a dark corner of the earth and trained him in the blackest disciplines of combat, deception and endurance. Just like you. WAYNE Bane was a member of the League of Shadows. 48. ALFRED Until he was excommunicated. And a man considered too extreme for R 's A al Gh l is not to be trifled with. U WAYNE I didn't realize I was known for trifling with criminals. ALFRED That was then. And you can strap up your leg and put the mask back on. But it won't make you what you were. WAYNE Which was? ALFRED Someone whose anger at death made him value all life. Even his own. WAYNE If this man is all the things you say he is, then this city needs me. The Batsuit emerges from the cube. ALFRED Yes, this city needs Bruce Wayne. Your resources, your knowledge...not your body. Not your life. That time has passed. WAYNE I tried helping as Bruce Wayne, Alfred. And I failed. ALFRED You can fail as Bruce Wayne. As Batman, you can't afford to. WAYNE That's what you're afraid of - that if I go back out there I'll fail. ALFRED No. I'm afraid that you want to. Wayne looks at Alfred. Then turns to examine the Batsuit. 49. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - EVENING A frenzy of trading on the packed floor... Two Traders sit on a shoeshine stand in the lobby. TRADER 2 You can't short the stock because Bruce Wayne goes to a party - TRADER 1 Wayne coming back is change. Change is either good or bad. TRADER 2 On what basis? TRADER 1 I flipped a coin. Near the front entrance: a Food Delivery Guy is standing there negotiating with a Trader. TRADER 3 No. Rye. I told 'em rye. Trader 3 spots bad news on a screen. Alright, I'll take it. He thrusts Food Guy a tip and grabs the bag, distracted... At the rear secure entrance: a Motorcycle Courier enters, wearing his helmet - a Female Security Guard gets in his face. FEMALE SECURITY GUARD Rookie! Lose the helmet! (Points at a camera.) We need faces for cameras. In the rest room: a Janitor mops the floor, shifting out of the way of two Traders who rush in to pee. At the shoeshine stand, Trader 1 waves a bill down at the man shining his shoes without a glance. Shoeshine Man takes the bill, then, as the Traders step off, he reaches into a gym bag and checks an automatic weapon. He clicks the slide home, then hoists the gym bag and heads for the trading floor. At the secure entrance: the Courier pulls off his helmet. The Female Security Guard's eyes go wide. 50. In the rest room: the Janitor reaches into his bucket and pulls out a machine pistol in a Ziploc bag. Near the front entrance: Food Guy pulls an automatic pistol - clubs Trader 3 with it, pastrami flying. Shoeshine Man moves onto the floor, pulls out his weapon. Under the Courier's helmet - a mask. Bane. He grabs the Female Security Guard and throws her into her colleagues, lashing out in four directions with rapidfire lethality. Shoeshine Man fires into the large trading screens. The floor erupts into a different frenzy - traders hit the deck, screaming. Bane moves onto the floor... TRADER 1 This is a stock exchange, there's no money you can steal - He dries up as Bane stops. Turns to him... BANE Why else would you people be here? Bane grabs Trader 1 by the throat and drags him across the floor to an online automated trades terminal... He puts the man's thumb onto the print reader - the screen lights up. BANE Enter your password. Or I send these men to your home. Trader 1, terrified, types in his password. Outside, sirens. Shoeshine man pulls out a USB drive with an antenna - plugs it into the computer - figures race across the screen... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Police vehicles screech into the narrow street - construction vehicles are blocking. Blake argues with a burly Construction Worker. BLAKE Move it, now! We've got a situation. CONSTRUCTION WORKER Where can I move it?! BLAKE That way! Blake points - but SWAT vehicles pile in, blocking. 51. BLAKE Get in your vehicle and stay there! Foley and the SWAT Commander, Allen, approach the entrance. The Market Security Chief walks up, frantic. SECURITY CHIEF You've gotta get in there! FOLEY This is a hostage situation - SECURITY CHIEF It's a robbery! They've got direct access to the online trading desk. FOLEY I'm not risking my men for your MONEY - SECURITY CHIEF It's not our money, it's everyone's! ALLEN Really? Mine's in my mattress. SECURITY CHIEF If you don't shut these guys down, the stuffing in that mattress might be worth a whole lot less, pal. FOLEY Cut the fiber line - shut down the cell tower. That'll slow them down. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Shoeshine Man looks up from the laptop. SHOESHINE MAN They cut the fiber. Cell's working. BANE For now. How much longer does the program need? SHOESHINE MAN Eight minutes. 52. BANE Time to go mobile. Shoeshine Man picks up the laptop, slips it into his pack... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Allen shouts at his men. ALLEN Get the barriers up - no more in and out on this street! Steel wedge-shaped barriers rise up at the mouth of the street. A Sniper watches the doors through a thermal scope. Six large heat signatures bloom, too big for people... SNIPER I've got something - The door explodes. SWATs duck, six sportbikes race out and leap the ramp-like barricades, sending SWATs scattering. Cops scramble to pull their vehicles out to give chase. EXT. GOTHAM STREET - CONTINUOUS The bikes weave through traffic, Traders strapped to the back, facing backwards - screaming, ties flying in the wind. A cruiser falls in behind. ROOKIE COP Shoot the tires! A Veteran Cop sights a shot, but the Traders are in the way. VETERAN COP No shot! EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Foley is barking into his radio. FOLEY Back off, back off! They've got hostages! 53. INT./EXT. CRUISER ON GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS The cruiser follows the bike into a large tunnel. A Rookie Cop looks up into his rear-view. ROOKIE COP What's going on with the lights? The Veteran Cop looks back - streetlights and headlights are dying one after another. The darkness is chasing them - the darkness hits them. Their lights, sirens, and engine die... And, out of the silence, a dark shape roars past - VETERAN COP It can't be... ROOKIE COP The hell was that?! VETERAN COP Oh boy. You're in for a show tonight, son. EXT. HIGHWAY - CONTINUOUS Food Guy drives the rear bike. He looks back - sees streetlights explode behind him - darkness catching him up. The engine chokes and dies.

gas

How many times the word 'gas' appears in the text?

- CONTINUOUS The SWATs return fire. The Thugs lay down cover fire, then race around a corner into a smaller passage. A cop car pulls up, blocking the mouth of the alley - Gordon jumps out, gun drawn. The SWATs approach the passage, massing on both corners tactically. The two corner SWATs exchange hand signals, counting down... They round the corner, aiming low and high. The passage is empty. The SWATs cover a fire escape, but Gordon spots at once - GORDON Manhole! He races to the manhole cover - SWATs wrench off the cover, Gordon grabs a flashlight from the nearest SWAT. GORDON You three, down with me. You two, head down to cover the next exit - SWAT Where -? GORDON Get the DWP down here, now! Gordon starts climbing down the ladder... INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon moves down the tunnel, flashlight low. Three SWATs fall in behind... 27. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake comes into the alley. Cops surround the manhole. COP Where's the DWP guy? BLAKE They went down there? FOLEY (shaking his head) And Gordon took SWAT in after them. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon hears a noise up ahead - pushes forward, rounds the corner. BANG! GUNFIRE. SWATs return fire, shots sparking off the concrete walls, then - BOOM - behind him the tunnel ERUPTS IN FIRE, blasting the SWATs. Gordon races forward, tearing through the tunnels. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake jumps back as a fireball bursts out of the manhole. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon races around a corner, gun drawn. A noise makes him turn - WHACK, he is clobbered from behind by a Thug. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake pushes forward. BLAKE Come on, we gotta get down there - COP That was a gas explosion, kid - BLAKE Gas? This is a sewer! FOLEY No one goes in there till we know what's down there. 28. BLAKE We know what's down there, sir. The Police Commissioner! FOLEY Somebody get the hothead out of here. And get me a DWP guy! Blake backs off. Gets an idea - goes for his patrol car. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Thug 1 flips Gordon onto his back. THUG 1 This one's alive. (Looks closer.) Jesus. It's the Police Commissioner. THUG 2 What do we do? THUG 1 Take him to Bane. The two Thugs drag Gordon down through the maze of tunnels. As they descend deeper they encounter work crews of muscular men wielding large drills and jackhammers, working the walls and ceiling of the larger tunnels. Some of the men are armed Mercenaries, overseeing gangs of homeless street kids. They stare as Gordon is dragged past. The Thugs drag Gordon between two waterfalls, into - INT. BANE'S LAIR, SEWERS - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT) They approach a figure, turned away, crouched in the firelight. Bare-chested, muscular, masked. Bane. A crooked line of scar tissue runs the length of his spine... BANE Why are you here? The Thugs drop Gordon at Bane's feet. THUG 1 Answer him! Bane slowly turns to the Thugs. 29. BANE I'm asking you. THUG 1 It's the Police Commissioner. BANE And you brought him down here? THUG 2 We didn't know what to do. We - BANE You panicked. And your weakness costs three lives. THUG 1 No, he's alone - Bane flips the Thug's chin up and to the side with a crack. Thug 1 drops. Bane turns to Thug 2. BANE Search him. Then I will kill you. The Thug, terrified, pulls out Gordon's badge, wallet, gun...and the folded papers of the speech he did not read. Bane takes these one by one with quick glances. He stops at the papers. Unfolds them... As he reads, Gordon rolls off the steps, dropping into the rushing flow of water - gunshots ring out... THUG 2 He's dead. Thug 2 trails off as Bane looks up from the papers... BANE Then show me his body. THUG 2 That water runs to any one of the outflows - we'd never find him. Bane turns to the Lead Mercenary. BANE Give me your GPS. Lead Mercenary hands him a GPS - Bane tucks it into Thug 2's jacket, zips it up like a mother sending her kid to school. 30. BANE Follow him. THUG 2 Follow him? Bane shoots Thug 2, kicks him into the water. Turns to Lead Mercenary. BANE Track him. Make sure both bodies will not be found. Then brick up the south tunnel. EXT. WATER TREATMENT FACILITY - NIGHT Blake comes out to the catchment basin. He spots something stuck up against the grille, thrusts his hand into the raging waters - Gordon is there, alive. Just. Blake pulls him up onto the concrete, hoists him up, hurrying... INT. FRONT HALL, WAYNE MANOR - DAY Alfred opens the door to reveal Blake in his dirty uniform. BLAKE I need to see Bruce Wayne. ALFRED I'm sorry, Mr. Wayne doesn't take unscheduled calls. Even from police officers. BLAKE And if I go get a warrant, in the investigation of Harvey Dent's murder? Would that still count as unscheduled? INT. STUDY, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Blake is sitting, drumming his leg, nervous. Wayne enters. WAYNE What can I do for you, officer? BLAKE Commissioner Gordon's been shot. 31. WAYNE I'm sorry to hear that - BLAKE He chased a gunman down into the sewers. When I pulled him out he was babbling about an underground army. A masked man called 'Bane'. WAYNE Shouldn't you be telling this to your superior officers? BLAKE I did. One of them asked if he saw any giant alligators down there. He needs you. He needs the Batman. WAYNE If Commissioner Gordon thinks I'm the Batman he must be in a bad way - BLAKE He doesn't know or care who you are. (Off look.) But we've met before. When I was a kid. At the orphanage. See, my mom died when I was small. Car accident, I don't really remember it. But a couple of years later my dad was shot over a gambling debt. I remember that just fine. (Looks at Wayne.) Not a lot of people who know what it feels like, do they? To be angry. In your bones. People understand, foster parents understand. For a while. Then they expect the angry kid to do what he knows he can never do. To move on. To forget. Wayne stares at Blake. BLAKE So they stopped understanding and sent the angry kid to a boys' home - St. Swithin's. Used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation. See, I figured it out too late. You have to hide the anger. Practice smiling in the mirror. Like putting on a mask. You showed up one day in a cool car, pretty girl on your arm. (MORE) 32. BLAKE (CONT'D) We were so excited - Bruce Wayne, billionaire orphan. We made up stories about you. Legends. The other boys' stories were just that. But when I saw you I knew who you really were... (Beat.) I'd seen that look on your face. Same one I taught myself. Blake gets up to leave. Wayne is lost in thought. BLAKE I don't know why you took the fall for Dent's murder, but I'm still a believer in the Batman. Even if you're not. WAYNE Why did you say your boys' home used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation? BLAKE Because the money stopped. Might be time to get some fresh air and start paying attention to the details. Some of those details might need your help. INT. HALL, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Wayne and Alfred watch Blake drive away. WAYNE You checked that name? 'Bane' - ALFRED Ran it through some databases. He's a mercenary. No other known name. Never been seen or photographed without a mask. He and his men were behind a coup in West Africa that secured mining operations for our friend John Daggett. WAYNE Now Daggett's brought them here? ALFRED It would seem so. I'll keep digging. 33. Alfred turns to leave. WAYNE Why did the Wayne Foundation stop funding boys' homes in the city? ALFRED The Foundation is funded from the profits of Wayne Enterprises... (Off look.) There have to be some. WAYNE Time to talk to Mr. Fox, I think. ALFRED I'll get him on the phone - WAYNE No. Do we still have any cars around the place? ALFRED (LIGHTS UP) One or two. WAYNE And I need an appointment at the hospital. About my leg. ALFRED Which hospital, sir? WAYNE Whichever one Jim Gordon's in. Alfred is less excited by this part of the request. EXT. WAYNE ENTERPRISES - DAY Moving towards the tall skyscraper downtown. MIRANDA (V.O.) Mr. Fox, I believe in what Mr. Wayne was trying to do... INT. BOARDROOM, WAYNE ENTERPRISES - CONTINUOUS Miranda is talking to Lucius Fox at the table. 34. MIRANDA I'm only asking for explanations because I think I can help. FOX I'll pass along your request. Next time I see him. Miranda catches something in this. MIRANDA He doesn't talk to you either? FOX Let's just say that Bruce Wayne has his...eccentricities. MIRANDA (RISING) Mr. Fox, are you aware that John Daggett is trying to acquire shares in Wayne Enterprises? FOX I was not. But it wouldn't do him any good - Mr. Wayne still retains a clear majority. Miranda leaves. Fox moves into his office - stops. FOX Bruce Wayne. As I live and breathe. Wayne rises, pushing hard on his cane. FOX What brings you out of cryo-sleep Mr. Wayne? WAYNE I see you haven't lost your sense of humor...even if you have lost most of my money. FOX Actually, you did that yourself. See, if you funnel the entire R and D budget for five years into a fusion project that you then mothball, your company is unlikely to thrive. 35. WAYNE Even with - FOX A wildly sophisticated CEO, yes. Wayne Enterprises is running out of time. And Daggett is moving in. WAYNE What're my options? FOX If you're not willing to turn your machine on - WAYNE I can't, Lucius. FOX Then sit tight. Your majority keeps Daggett at arm's length while we figure out a future for the energy program with Miranda Tate - she's supported your project all the way. She's smart, and quite lovely. WAYNE You too, Lucius? FOX We all just want what's best for you, Bruce. Show her the machine. WAYNE I'll think it over. FOX Anything else? WAYNE No, why? FOX These conversations always used to end with some...unusual requests. WAYNE I retired. FOX Let me show you some stuff, anyway. Fox hits a button - the bookcase opens into a hidden elevator. 36. INT. APPLIED SCIENCES - MOMENTS LATER Fox leads Wayne into the vast, gadget-filled space. They pass Tumblers with different weapons configurations... WAYNE I figured you'd have shut this place down. FOX It was always shut down, officially. WAYNE But all this new stuff? FOX After your father died, Wayne Enterprises set up fourteen different defense subsidiaries. I've spent years shuttering them and consolidating all the prototypes under one roof. My roof. WAYNE Why? FOX Stop them falling into the wrong hands. Besides, I thought someone might get some use out of them... Wayne shakes his head. FOX Sure I can't tempt you to something? Pneumatic crampons? Infrared lenses? Least let me get you something for that leg. WAYNE It's fine the use it gets these days. FOX Well, then I have just the thing for an eccentric billionaire who doesn't like to walk... Fox opens a door - we glimpse a sleek vehicle. Wayne's eyes light up. 37. WAYNE Now you're just showing off. FOX Defense Department project for tight-geometry urban pacification. Rotors configured for maneuvering between buildings without recirculation. WAYNE What's it called? FOX It has a long and uninteresting Wayne Enterprises designation. So I took to calling it the Bat. And yes, Mr. Wayne, it does come in black. Wayne touches its sleek side. Marveling. FOX Works great except for the autopilot. WAYNE What's wrong with that? FOX Software-based instability. Take a better mind than mine to fix it. WAYNE Better mind? FOX I was trying to be modest. A less busy mind. Yours, perhaps. Wayne looks wistfully at the machine. Turns away. WAYNE I told you. I retired, Lucius. INT. EXAMINATION ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - NIGHT Wayne listens, distracted, while a Doctor examines an X-ray. DOCTOR I've seen worse cartilage in knees - 38. WAYNE That's good - DOCTOR No, that's because there is no cartilage in your knee. And not much of any use in your elbows and shoulders. Between that and the scar tissue on your kidneys, residual concussive damage to your brain tissue and general scarred-over quality of your body... (Takes a deep breath.) I cannot recommend that you go heli-skiing. About the only part of your body that looks healthy is your liver, so if you're bored I recommend you take up drinking, Mr. Wayne. Wayne smiles. The Doctor leaves. Wayne pulls on a ski mask, steps to the window, hops up, pulls a wire from his cane, which he clips to his belt. He props his cane behind the frame - jumps out. The wire unspools from the cane as - EXT. TENTH FLOOR, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS Wayne drops three floors... INT. PRIVATE ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL - CONTINUOUS Gordon lies in his bed, hooked up to machines. Wayne, in ski mask, stands over him. Gordon's eyes flutter open. He tries to speak with a weak, hoarse voice... GORDON We were in this together. Then you were gone... WAYNE The Batman wasn't needed anymore. We won. GORDON Built on a lie. Our lie. Now there's evil rising from where we tried to bury it. Nobody will listen... The Batman has to come back. 39. WAYNE What if he doesn't exist anymore? GORDON He must. He must. INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI ON GOTHAM STREETS - NIGHT Wayne pulls up in front of a row of shabby subdivided town houses. Checks a tracking device. Jon, provocatively dressed, leads a Yuppie Banker-type in through a front door. INT. SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Selina sits in a small room getting ready to go out. She picks up the pearls - hears a disturbance in the hall. JEN (O.S.) I told you - money first - YUPPIE (O.S.) Goddammit, you took my wallet! INT. STAIRWELL OUTSIDE SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS The Yuppie has Jen against the wall - he reaches back to hit her with an expensive wristwatch-clad arm. But Selina has grabbed his wrist with a powerful grip. SELINA Get out. YUPPIE She took my wallet! Selina twists his arm behind him in a blinding move. SELINA Now. She releases the Yuppie, who moves off down the stairs. Selina turns to Jen. Who is examining a wallet. SELINA I told you not to try it with the assholes, Jen. JEN They're all assholes. 40. SELINA Okay, the assholes who hit. JEN I don't know what he's so upset about, he only had sixty bucks in here. SELINA Probably the watch. YOUNG WOMAN Watch? Selina opens her hand and gives Jen the Yuppie's Rolex. EXT. SELINA'S BUILDING, OLD TOWN, GOTHAM - LATER Selina exits and hails a cab. Wayne watches her go. Then pulls out. Checking his tracker. EXT. MUSEUM, GOTHAM - LATER Town cars dispense Gotham society in tasteful masquerade. Wayne pulls up to the Valet. Paparazzi line the entrance. Wayne uses his cane to get out of his Lamborghini... PAPARAZZI Another stiff too old to climb out of his sports car. PAPARAZZI 2 No, that's Bruce Wayne! Hey, Wayne, where you been hiding? Lenses swing onto Wayne, who pushes a button on his key fob - a pulse. The cameras die. Wayne heads to the door. WAYNE I'm not sure if my assistant put me on the guest list - GREETER Right through here, Mr. Wayne... 41. INT. MUSEUM - CONTINUOUS A lavish ball - the expressively attired dance under falling confetti... Even Bruce Wayne is struck by the ostentation. He spots Selina dancing with a deeply smitten Rich Twit. She wears a small, velvet pair of cat ears. And the pearls. MIRANDA (O.S) Bruce Wayne at a charity ball? Wayne turns to find Miranda Tate, amazed, a small mask her only concession to fancy dress. WAYNE Miss Tate, isn't it? MIRANDA Even before you became a recluse, you never came to these things... WAYNE True. Proceeds go to the big fat spread, not the cause. It's not about charity, it's about feeding the ego of whichever society hag laid it on. MIRANDA Actually, this is my party, Mr. Wayne. WAYNE Oh. MIRANDA And the proceeds will go where they should, because I paid for the big fat spread myself. WAYNE That's very generous of you. MIRANDA You have to invest to restore balance to the world. Take our clean-energy project... WAYNE Sometimes the investment doesn't pay off. Sorry. 42. MIRANDA You have a practiced apathy, Mr. Wayne. But a man who doesn't care about the world doesn't spend half his fortune on a plan to save it... (Gentle.) And isn't so wounded when it fails that he goes into hiding... Wayne looks at Miranda. Intrigued. MIRANDA Have a good evening, Mr. Wayne. Wayne watches Miranda glide away. Then turns to Selina. WAYNE Mind if I cut in? Rich Twit turns, annoyed - Wayne hands him his cane. Takes Selina by the waist. She glares at him. WAYNE You don't seem very happy to see me. SELINA You were supposed to be a shut-in. WAYNE Felt like some fresh air. SELINA Why didn't you call the police? WAYNE I have a powerful friend who deals with this kind of thing. (Admires her cat ears.) Brazen costume for a cat burglar. SELINA Yeah? Who are you pretending to be? WAYNE Bruce Wayne, eccentric billionaire. Who's your date? SELINA His wife's in Ibiza. She left her diamonds behind, though. Worried they'd get stolen. 43. WAYNE It's pronounced 'Ibeetha'. You wouldn't want these folks realizing you're a crook not a social climber. SELINA (flash of anger) You think I care what anyone in this room thinks about me? WAYNE I doubt you care what anyone in this room thinks about you. SELINA Don't condescend, Mr. Wayne. You don't know a thing about me. WAYNE Well, Selina Kyle, I know you came here from your walk-up in Old Town - modest place for a master jewel thief. Which means either you're saving for your retirement - or you're in deep with the wrong people. SELINA You don't get to judge me because you were born in the master bedroom of Wayne Manor. WAYNE Actually, I was born in the Regency Room. SELINA I started off doing what I had to. Once you've done what you had to they'll never let you do what you want to. WAYNE Start fresh. SELINA There's no fresh start in today's world. Any twelve-year-old with a cell phone could find out what you did. Everything we do is collated and quantified. Everything sticks. We are the sum of our mistakes. 44. WAYNE Or our achievements. SELINA The mistakes stick better. Trust me. WAYNE You think that justifies stealing? SELINA I take what I need to from those who have more than enough. I don't stand on the shoulders of people with less. WAYNE Robin Hood? SELINA I'd do more to help someone than most of the people in this room. Than you. WAYNE Maybe you're assuming too much. SELINA Or maybe you're being unrealistic about what's really in your pants other than your wallet. WAYNE Ouch. SELINA You think all this can last? Wayne glances around at the sumptuous party. SELINA There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits you're all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little to the rest of us. WAYNE Sounds like you're looking forward to it. 45. SELINA I'm adaptable. WAYNE These pearls do look better on you then they did in my safe... Wayne rolls her into his shoulder - reaches up to the back of her neck, unclasps the necklace. But I still can't let you keep them. The pearls slide off her neck into his other hand. Selina looks at him. Angry. Then kisses him, hard, and disappears into the crowd. Wayne's cane reappears. RICH TWIT (ANNOYED) You scared her off. WAYNE Not likely. EXT. MUSEUM - MOMENTS LATER Wayne approaches the Valet. Pats down his pockets. WAYNE I must have lost my ticket - VALET Your wife said you were taking a cab home, sir. WAYNE My wife? INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI RACING DOWN STREETS - CONTINUOUS Selina permits herself a little smile as she guns the engine. INT. ROLLS ROYCE - LATER Alfred watches in the mirror as Wayne climbs into the back. ALFRED Just you, sir? Wayne gives him a withering glare. (MORE) 46. ALFRED (CONT'D) Don't worry, Master Wayne. Takes a little time to get back into the swing of things. Wayne dials his phone. FOX (O.S.) This is Fox. WAYNE Remember those 'unusual requests' I used to make? FOX (O.S.) I knew it! Up front, Alfred listens. Concerned. INT. BATCAVE - DAY Wayne pushes a button on a hi-tech carbon fiber brace strapped to his good knee - the brace tones. As Wayne starts moving his knee, bending, stretching, Alfred puts down a Thermos. ALFRED You've got the wrong leg, sir. WAYNE You start with the good limb so it learns your optimum muscle patterns. Wayne swaps the brace to his bad knee. Puts his weight on it - the knee bends, kicks. He sits again. Cautious. Now we tighten it up. Wayne gingerly pushes a button - the brace starts to shrink tight to his leg, digging in. Wayne grits his teeth. ALFRED It is terribly painful? WAYNE (GRITTED TEETH) You're welcome to try it, Alfred. ALFRED Happy watching, thank you, sir. Wayne shouts as the brace clicks home. He gets to his feet. 47. WAYNE Not bad - Wayne executes a perfect roundhouse, knocking out a brick. Not bad at all. Alfred picks up the brick. Considers it. Uneasy. He follows Wayne across the bridge to the cube. ALFRED Master Wayne, if you're considering going back out there you need to hear some rumors surrounding Bane. WAYNE I'm all ears. ALFRED There is a prison. In a more ancient part of the world. A pit. Where men are thrown to suffer and die. But sometimes, a man rises from the darkness. Sometimes...the pit sends something back. WAYNE Bane. ALFRED Born and raised in a hell on earth. WAYNE Born in a prison? ALFRED No one knows why. Or how he escaped. But they know who trained him one he did...R 's al Gh l. Your A U mentor. Wayne takes this in. Shocked. ALFRED He plucked Bane from a dark corner of the earth and trained him in the blackest disciplines of combat, deception and endurance. Just like you. WAYNE Bane was a member of the League of Shadows. 48. ALFRED Until he was excommunicated. And a man considered too extreme for R 's A al Gh l is not to be trifled with. U WAYNE I didn't realize I was known for trifling with criminals. ALFRED That was then. And you can strap up your leg and put the mask back on. But it won't make you what you were. WAYNE Which was? ALFRED Someone whose anger at death made him value all life. Even his own. WAYNE If this man is all the things you say he is, then this city needs me. The Batsuit emerges from the cube. ALFRED Yes, this city needs Bruce Wayne. Your resources, your knowledge...not your body. Not your life. That time has passed. WAYNE I tried helping as Bruce Wayne, Alfred. And I failed. ALFRED You can fail as Bruce Wayne. As Batman, you can't afford to. WAYNE That's what you're afraid of - that if I go back out there I'll fail. ALFRED No. I'm afraid that you want to. Wayne looks at Alfred. Then turns to examine the Batsuit. 49. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - EVENING A frenzy of trading on the packed floor... Two Traders sit on a shoeshine stand in the lobby. TRADER 2 You can't short the stock because Bruce Wayne goes to a party - TRADER 1 Wayne coming back is change. Change is either good or bad. TRADER 2 On what basis? TRADER 1 I flipped a coin. Near the front entrance: a Food Delivery Guy is standing there negotiating with a Trader. TRADER 3 No. Rye. I told 'em rye. Trader 3 spots bad news on a screen. Alright, I'll take it. He thrusts Food Guy a tip and grabs the bag, distracted... At the rear secure entrance: a Motorcycle Courier enters, wearing his helmet - a Female Security Guard gets in his face. FEMALE SECURITY GUARD Rookie! Lose the helmet! (Points at a camera.) We need faces for cameras. In the rest room: a Janitor mops the floor, shifting out of the way of two Traders who rush in to pee. At the shoeshine stand, Trader 1 waves a bill down at the man shining his shoes without a glance. Shoeshine Man takes the bill, then, as the Traders step off, he reaches into a gym bag and checks an automatic weapon. He clicks the slide home, then hoists the gym bag and heads for the trading floor. At the secure entrance: the Courier pulls off his helmet. The Female Security Guard's eyes go wide. 50. In the rest room: the Janitor reaches into his bucket and pulls out a machine pistol in a Ziploc bag. Near the front entrance: Food Guy pulls an automatic pistol - clubs Trader 3 with it, pastrami flying. Shoeshine Man moves onto the floor, pulls out his weapon. Under the Courier's helmet - a mask. Bane. He grabs the Female Security Guard and throws her into her colleagues, lashing out in four directions with rapidfire lethality. Shoeshine Man fires into the large trading screens. The floor erupts into a different frenzy - traders hit the deck, screaming. Bane moves onto the floor... TRADER 1 This is a stock exchange, there's no money you can steal - He dries up as Bane stops. Turns to him... BANE Why else would you people be here? Bane grabs Trader 1 by the throat and drags him across the floor to an online automated trades terminal... He puts the man's thumb onto the print reader - the screen lights up. BANE Enter your password. Or I send these men to your home. Trader 1, terrified, types in his password. Outside, sirens. Shoeshine man pulls out a USB drive with an antenna - plugs it into the computer - figures race across the screen... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Police vehicles screech into the narrow street - construction vehicles are blocking. Blake argues with a burly Construction Worker. BLAKE Move it, now! We've got a situation. CONSTRUCTION WORKER Where can I move it?! BLAKE That way! Blake points - but SWAT vehicles pile in, blocking. 51. BLAKE Get in your vehicle and stay there! Foley and the SWAT Commander, Allen, approach the entrance. The Market Security Chief walks up, frantic. SECURITY CHIEF You've gotta get in there! FOLEY This is a hostage situation - SECURITY CHIEF It's a robbery! They've got direct access to the online trading desk. FOLEY I'm not risking my men for your MONEY - SECURITY CHIEF It's not our money, it's everyone's! ALLEN Really? Mine's in my mattress. SECURITY CHIEF If you don't shut these guys down, the stuffing in that mattress might be worth a whole lot less, pal. FOLEY Cut the fiber line - shut down the cell tower. That'll slow them down. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Shoeshine Man looks up from the laptop. SHOESHINE MAN They cut the fiber. Cell's working. BANE For now. How much longer does the program need? SHOESHINE MAN Eight minutes. 52. BANE Time to go mobile. Shoeshine Man picks up the laptop, slips it into his pack... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Allen shouts at his men. ALLEN Get the barriers up - no more in and out on this street! Steel wedge-shaped barriers rise up at the mouth of the street. A Sniper watches the doors through a thermal scope. Six large heat signatures bloom, too big for people... SNIPER I've got something - The door explodes. SWATs duck, six sportbikes race out and leap the ramp-like barricades, sending SWATs scattering. Cops scramble to pull their vehicles out to give chase. EXT. GOTHAM STREET - CONTINUOUS The bikes weave through traffic, Traders strapped to the back, facing backwards - screaming, ties flying in the wind. A cruiser falls in behind. ROOKIE COP Shoot the tires! A Veteran Cop sights a shot, but the Traders are in the way. VETERAN COP No shot! EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Foley is barking into his radio. FOLEY Back off, back off! They've got hostages! 53. INT./EXT. CRUISER ON GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS The cruiser follows the bike into a large tunnel. A Rookie Cop looks up into his rear-view. ROOKIE COP What's going on with the lights? The Veteran Cop looks back - streetlights and headlights are dying one after another. The darkness is chasing them - the darkness hits them. Their lights, sirens, and engine die... And, out of the silence, a dark shape roars past - VETERAN COP It can't be... ROOKIE COP The hell was that?! VETERAN COP Oh boy. You're in for a show tonight, son. EXT. HIGHWAY - CONTINUOUS Food Guy drives the rear bike. He looks back - sees streetlights explode behind him - darkness catching him up. The engine chokes and dies.

agree

How many times the word 'agree' appears in the text?

- CONTINUOUS The SWATs return fire. The Thugs lay down cover fire, then race around a corner into a smaller passage. A cop car pulls up, blocking the mouth of the alley - Gordon jumps out, gun drawn. The SWATs approach the passage, massing on both corners tactically. The two corner SWATs exchange hand signals, counting down... They round the corner, aiming low and high. The passage is empty. The SWATs cover a fire escape, but Gordon spots at once - GORDON Manhole! He races to the manhole cover - SWATs wrench off the cover, Gordon grabs a flashlight from the nearest SWAT. GORDON You three, down with me. You two, head down to cover the next exit - SWAT Where -? GORDON Get the DWP down here, now! Gordon starts climbing down the ladder... INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon moves down the tunnel, flashlight low. Three SWATs fall in behind... 27. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake comes into the alley. Cops surround the manhole. COP Where's the DWP guy? BLAKE They went down there? FOLEY (shaking his head) And Gordon took SWAT in after them. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon hears a noise up ahead - pushes forward, rounds the corner. BANG! GUNFIRE. SWATs return fire, shots sparking off the concrete walls, then - BOOM - behind him the tunnel ERUPTS IN FIRE, blasting the SWATs. Gordon races forward, tearing through the tunnels. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake jumps back as a fireball bursts out of the manhole. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon races around a corner, gun drawn. A noise makes him turn - WHACK, he is clobbered from behind by a Thug. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake pushes forward. BLAKE Come on, we gotta get down there - COP That was a gas explosion, kid - BLAKE Gas? This is a sewer! FOLEY No one goes in there till we know what's down there. 28. BLAKE We know what's down there, sir. The Police Commissioner! FOLEY Somebody get the hothead out of here. And get me a DWP guy! Blake backs off. Gets an idea - goes for his patrol car. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Thug 1 flips Gordon onto his back. THUG 1 This one's alive. (Looks closer.) Jesus. It's the Police Commissioner. THUG 2 What do we do? THUG 1 Take him to Bane. The two Thugs drag Gordon down through the maze of tunnels. As they descend deeper they encounter work crews of muscular men wielding large drills and jackhammers, working the walls and ceiling of the larger tunnels. Some of the men are armed Mercenaries, overseeing gangs of homeless street kids. They stare as Gordon is dragged past. The Thugs drag Gordon between two waterfalls, into - INT. BANE'S LAIR, SEWERS - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT) They approach a figure, turned away, crouched in the firelight. Bare-chested, muscular, masked. Bane. A crooked line of scar tissue runs the length of his spine... BANE Why are you here? The Thugs drop Gordon at Bane's feet. THUG 1 Answer him! Bane slowly turns to the Thugs. 29. BANE I'm asking you. THUG 1 It's the Police Commissioner. BANE And you brought him down here? THUG 2 We didn't know what to do. We - BANE You panicked. And your weakness costs three lives. THUG 1 No, he's alone - Bane flips the Thug's chin up and to the side with a crack. Thug 1 drops. Bane turns to Thug 2. BANE Search him. Then I will kill you. The Thug, terrified, pulls out Gordon's badge, wallet, gun...and the folded papers of the speech he did not read. Bane takes these one by one with quick glances. He stops at the papers. Unfolds them... As he reads, Gordon rolls off the steps, dropping into the rushing flow of water - gunshots ring out... THUG 2 He's dead. Thug 2 trails off as Bane looks up from the papers... BANE Then show me his body. THUG 2 That water runs to any one of the outflows - we'd never find him. Bane turns to the Lead Mercenary. BANE Give me your GPS. Lead Mercenary hands him a GPS - Bane tucks it into Thug 2's jacket, zips it up like a mother sending her kid to school. 30. BANE Follow him. THUG 2 Follow him? Bane shoots Thug 2, kicks him into the water. Turns to Lead Mercenary. BANE Track him. Make sure both bodies will not be found. Then brick up the south tunnel. EXT. WATER TREATMENT FACILITY - NIGHT Blake comes out to the catchment basin. He spots something stuck up against the grille, thrusts his hand into the raging waters - Gordon is there, alive. Just. Blake pulls him up onto the concrete, hoists him up, hurrying... INT. FRONT HALL, WAYNE MANOR - DAY Alfred opens the door to reveal Blake in his dirty uniform. BLAKE I need to see Bruce Wayne. ALFRED I'm sorry, Mr. Wayne doesn't take unscheduled calls. Even from police officers. BLAKE And if I go get a warrant, in the investigation of Harvey Dent's murder? Would that still count as unscheduled? INT. STUDY, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Blake is sitting, drumming his leg, nervous. Wayne enters. WAYNE What can I do for you, officer? BLAKE Commissioner Gordon's been shot. 31. WAYNE I'm sorry to hear that - BLAKE He chased a gunman down into the sewers. When I pulled him out he was babbling about an underground army. A masked man called 'Bane'. WAYNE Shouldn't you be telling this to your superior officers? BLAKE I did. One of them asked if he saw any giant alligators down there. He needs you. He needs the Batman. WAYNE If Commissioner Gordon thinks I'm the Batman he must be in a bad way - BLAKE He doesn't know or care who you are. (Off look.) But we've met before. When I was a kid. At the orphanage. See, my mom died when I was small. Car accident, I don't really remember it. But a couple of years later my dad was shot over a gambling debt. I remember that just fine. (Looks at Wayne.) Not a lot of people who know what it feels like, do they? To be angry. In your bones. People understand, foster parents understand. For a while. Then they expect the angry kid to do what he knows he can never do. To move on. To forget. Wayne stares at Blake. BLAKE So they stopped understanding and sent the angry kid to a boys' home - St. Swithin's. Used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation. See, I figured it out too late. You have to hide the anger. Practice smiling in the mirror. Like putting on a mask. You showed up one day in a cool car, pretty girl on your arm. (MORE) 32. BLAKE (CONT'D) We were so excited - Bruce Wayne, billionaire orphan. We made up stories about you. Legends. The other boys' stories were just that. But when I saw you I knew who you really were... (Beat.) I'd seen that look on your face. Same one I taught myself. Blake gets up to leave. Wayne is lost in thought. BLAKE I don't know why you took the fall for Dent's murder, but I'm still a believer in the Batman. Even if you're not. WAYNE Why did you say your boys' home used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation? BLAKE Because the money stopped. Might be time to get some fresh air and start paying attention to the details. Some of those details might need your help. INT. HALL, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Wayne and Alfred watch Blake drive away. WAYNE You checked that name? 'Bane' - ALFRED Ran it through some databases. He's a mercenary. No other known name. Never been seen or photographed without a mask. He and his men were behind a coup in West Africa that secured mining operations for our friend John Daggett. WAYNE Now Daggett's brought them here? ALFRED It would seem so. I'll keep digging. 33. Alfred turns to leave. WAYNE Why did the Wayne Foundation stop funding boys' homes in the city? ALFRED The Foundation is funded from the profits of Wayne Enterprises... (Off look.) There have to be some. WAYNE Time to talk to Mr. Fox, I think. ALFRED I'll get him on the phone - WAYNE No. Do we still have any cars around the place? ALFRED (LIGHTS UP) One or two. WAYNE And I need an appointment at the hospital. About my leg. ALFRED Which hospital, sir? WAYNE Whichever one Jim Gordon's in. Alfred is less excited by this part of the request. EXT. WAYNE ENTERPRISES - DAY Moving towards the tall skyscraper downtown. MIRANDA (V.O.) Mr. Fox, I believe in what Mr. Wayne was trying to do... INT. BOARDROOM, WAYNE ENTERPRISES - CONTINUOUS Miranda is talking to Lucius Fox at the table. 34. MIRANDA I'm only asking for explanations because I think I can help. FOX I'll pass along your request. Next time I see him. Miranda catches something in this. MIRANDA He doesn't talk to you either? FOX Let's just say that Bruce Wayne has his...eccentricities. MIRANDA (RISING) Mr. Fox, are you aware that John Daggett is trying to acquire shares in Wayne Enterprises? FOX I was not. But it wouldn't do him any good - Mr. Wayne still retains a clear majority. Miranda leaves. Fox moves into his office - stops. FOX Bruce Wayne. As I live and breathe. Wayne rises, pushing hard on his cane. FOX What brings you out of cryo-sleep Mr. Wayne? WAYNE I see you haven't lost your sense of humor...even if you have lost most of my money. FOX Actually, you did that yourself. See, if you funnel the entire R and D budget for five years into a fusion project that you then mothball, your company is unlikely to thrive. 35. WAYNE Even with - FOX A wildly sophisticated CEO, yes. Wayne Enterprises is running out of time. And Daggett is moving in. WAYNE What're my options? FOX If you're not willing to turn your machine on - WAYNE I can't, Lucius. FOX Then sit tight. Your majority keeps Daggett at arm's length while we figure out a future for the energy program with Miranda Tate - she's supported your project all the way. She's smart, and quite lovely. WAYNE You too, Lucius? FOX We all just want what's best for you, Bruce. Show her the machine. WAYNE I'll think it over. FOX Anything else? WAYNE No, why? FOX These conversations always used to end with some...unusual requests. WAYNE I retired. FOX Let me show you some stuff, anyway. Fox hits a button - the bookcase opens into a hidden elevator. 36. INT. APPLIED SCIENCES - MOMENTS LATER Fox leads Wayne into the vast, gadget-filled space. They pass Tumblers with different weapons configurations... WAYNE I figured you'd have shut this place down. FOX It was always shut down, officially. WAYNE But all this new stuff? FOX After your father died, Wayne Enterprises set up fourteen different defense subsidiaries. I've spent years shuttering them and consolidating all the prototypes under one roof. My roof. WAYNE Why? FOX Stop them falling into the wrong hands. Besides, I thought someone might get some use out of them... Wayne shakes his head. FOX Sure I can't tempt you to something? Pneumatic crampons? Infrared lenses? Least let me get you something for that leg. WAYNE It's fine the use it gets these days. FOX Well, then I have just the thing for an eccentric billionaire who doesn't like to walk... Fox opens a door - we glimpse a sleek vehicle. Wayne's eyes light up. 37. WAYNE Now you're just showing off. FOX Defense Department project for tight-geometry urban pacification. Rotors configured for maneuvering between buildings without recirculation. WAYNE What's it called? FOX It has a long and uninteresting Wayne Enterprises designation. So I took to calling it the Bat. And yes, Mr. Wayne, it does come in black. Wayne touches its sleek side. Marveling. FOX Works great except for the autopilot. WAYNE What's wrong with that? FOX Software-based instability. Take a better mind than mine to fix it. WAYNE Better mind? FOX I was trying to be modest. A less busy mind. Yours, perhaps. Wayne looks wistfully at the machine. Turns away. WAYNE I told you. I retired, Lucius. INT. EXAMINATION ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - NIGHT Wayne listens, distracted, while a Doctor examines an X-ray. DOCTOR I've seen worse cartilage in knees - 38. WAYNE That's good - DOCTOR No, that's because there is no cartilage in your knee. And not much of any use in your elbows and shoulders. Between that and the scar tissue on your kidneys, residual concussive damage to your brain tissue and general scarred-over quality of your body... (Takes a deep breath.) I cannot recommend that you go heli-skiing. About the only part of your body that looks healthy is your liver, so if you're bored I recommend you take up drinking, Mr. Wayne. Wayne smiles. The Doctor leaves. Wayne pulls on a ski mask, steps to the window, hops up, pulls a wire from his cane, which he clips to his belt. He props his cane behind the frame - jumps out. The wire unspools from the cane as - EXT. TENTH FLOOR, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS Wayne drops three floors... INT. PRIVATE ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL - CONTINUOUS Gordon lies in his bed, hooked up to machines. Wayne, in ski mask, stands over him. Gordon's eyes flutter open. He tries to speak with a weak, hoarse voice... GORDON We were in this together. Then you were gone... WAYNE The Batman wasn't needed anymore. We won. GORDON Built on a lie. Our lie. Now there's evil rising from where we tried to bury it. Nobody will listen... The Batman has to come back. 39. WAYNE What if he doesn't exist anymore? GORDON He must. He must. INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI ON GOTHAM STREETS - NIGHT Wayne pulls up in front of a row of shabby subdivided town houses. Checks a tracking device. Jon, provocatively dressed, leads a Yuppie Banker-type in through a front door. INT. SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Selina sits in a small room getting ready to go out. She picks up the pearls - hears a disturbance in the hall. JEN (O.S.) I told you - money first - YUPPIE (O.S.) Goddammit, you took my wallet! INT. STAIRWELL OUTSIDE SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS The Yuppie has Jen against the wall - he reaches back to hit her with an expensive wristwatch-clad arm. But Selina has grabbed his wrist with a powerful grip. SELINA Get out. YUPPIE She took my wallet! Selina twists his arm behind him in a blinding move. SELINA Now. She releases the Yuppie, who moves off down the stairs. Selina turns to Jen. Who is examining a wallet. SELINA I told you not to try it with the assholes, Jen. JEN They're all assholes. 40. SELINA Okay, the assholes who hit. JEN I don't know what he's so upset about, he only had sixty bucks in here. SELINA Probably the watch. YOUNG WOMAN Watch? Selina opens her hand and gives Jen the Yuppie's Rolex. EXT. SELINA'S BUILDING, OLD TOWN, GOTHAM - LATER Selina exits and hails a cab. Wayne watches her go. Then pulls out. Checking his tracker. EXT. MUSEUM, GOTHAM - LATER Town cars dispense Gotham society in tasteful masquerade. Wayne pulls up to the Valet. Paparazzi line the entrance. Wayne uses his cane to get out of his Lamborghini... PAPARAZZI Another stiff too old to climb out of his sports car. PAPARAZZI 2 No, that's Bruce Wayne! Hey, Wayne, where you been hiding? Lenses swing onto Wayne, who pushes a button on his key fob - a pulse. The cameras die. Wayne heads to the door. WAYNE I'm not sure if my assistant put me on the guest list - GREETER Right through here, Mr. Wayne... 41. INT. MUSEUM - CONTINUOUS A lavish ball - the expressively attired dance under falling confetti... Even Bruce Wayne is struck by the ostentation. He spots Selina dancing with a deeply smitten Rich Twit. She wears a small, velvet pair of cat ears. And the pearls. MIRANDA (O.S) Bruce Wayne at a charity ball? Wayne turns to find Miranda Tate, amazed, a small mask her only concession to fancy dress. WAYNE Miss Tate, isn't it? MIRANDA Even before you became a recluse, you never came to these things... WAYNE True. Proceeds go to the big fat spread, not the cause. It's not about charity, it's about feeding the ego of whichever society hag laid it on. MIRANDA Actually, this is my party, Mr. Wayne. WAYNE Oh. MIRANDA And the proceeds will go where they should, because I paid for the big fat spread myself. WAYNE That's very generous of you. MIRANDA You have to invest to restore balance to the world. Take our clean-energy project... WAYNE Sometimes the investment doesn't pay off. Sorry. 42. MIRANDA You have a practiced apathy, Mr. Wayne. But a man who doesn't care about the world doesn't spend half his fortune on a plan to save it... (Gentle.) And isn't so wounded when it fails that he goes into hiding... Wayne looks at Miranda. Intrigued. MIRANDA Have a good evening, Mr. Wayne. Wayne watches Miranda glide away. Then turns to Selina. WAYNE Mind if I cut in? Rich Twit turns, annoyed - Wayne hands him his cane. Takes Selina by the waist. She glares at him. WAYNE You don't seem very happy to see me. SELINA You were supposed to be a shut-in. WAYNE Felt like some fresh air. SELINA Why didn't you call the police? WAYNE I have a powerful friend who deals with this kind of thing. (Admires her cat ears.) Brazen costume for a cat burglar. SELINA Yeah? Who are you pretending to be? WAYNE Bruce Wayne, eccentric billionaire. Who's your date? SELINA His wife's in Ibiza. She left her diamonds behind, though. Worried they'd get stolen. 43. WAYNE It's pronounced 'Ibeetha'. You wouldn't want these folks realizing you're a crook not a social climber. SELINA (flash of anger) You think I care what anyone in this room thinks about me? WAYNE I doubt you care what anyone in this room thinks about you. SELINA Don't condescend, Mr. Wayne. You don't know a thing about me. WAYNE Well, Selina Kyle, I know you came here from your walk-up in Old Town - modest place for a master jewel thief. Which means either you're saving for your retirement - or you're in deep with the wrong people. SELINA You don't get to judge me because you were born in the master bedroom of Wayne Manor. WAYNE Actually, I was born in the Regency Room. SELINA I started off doing what I had to. Once you've done what you had to they'll never let you do what you want to. WAYNE Start fresh. SELINA There's no fresh start in today's world. Any twelve-year-old with a cell phone could find out what you did. Everything we do is collated and quantified. Everything sticks. We are the sum of our mistakes. 44. WAYNE Or our achievements. SELINA The mistakes stick better. Trust me. WAYNE You think that justifies stealing? SELINA I take what I need to from those who have more than enough. I don't stand on the shoulders of people with less. WAYNE Robin Hood? SELINA I'd do more to help someone than most of the people in this room. Than you. WAYNE Maybe you're assuming too much. SELINA Or maybe you're being unrealistic about what's really in your pants other than your wallet. WAYNE Ouch. SELINA You think all this can last? Wayne glances around at the sumptuous party. SELINA There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits you're all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little to the rest of us. WAYNE Sounds like you're looking forward to it. 45. SELINA I'm adaptable. WAYNE These pearls do look better on you then they did in my safe... Wayne rolls her into his shoulder - reaches up to the back of her neck, unclasps the necklace. But I still can't let you keep them. The pearls slide off her neck into his other hand. Selina looks at him. Angry. Then kisses him, hard, and disappears into the crowd. Wayne's cane reappears. RICH TWIT (ANNOYED) You scared her off. WAYNE Not likely. EXT. MUSEUM - MOMENTS LATER Wayne approaches the Valet. Pats down his pockets. WAYNE I must have lost my ticket - VALET Your wife said you were taking a cab home, sir. WAYNE My wife? INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI RACING DOWN STREETS - CONTINUOUS Selina permits herself a little smile as she guns the engine. INT. ROLLS ROYCE - LATER Alfred watches in the mirror as Wayne climbs into the back. ALFRED Just you, sir? Wayne gives him a withering glare. (MORE) 46. ALFRED (CONT'D) Don't worry, Master Wayne. Takes a little time to get back into the swing of things. Wayne dials his phone. FOX (O.S.) This is Fox. WAYNE Remember those 'unusual requests' I used to make? FOX (O.S.) I knew it! Up front, Alfred listens. Concerned. INT. BATCAVE - DAY Wayne pushes a button on a hi-tech carbon fiber brace strapped to his good knee - the brace tones. As Wayne starts moving his knee, bending, stretching, Alfred puts down a Thermos. ALFRED You've got the wrong leg, sir. WAYNE You start with the good limb so it learns your optimum muscle patterns. Wayne swaps the brace to his bad knee. Puts his weight on it - the knee bends, kicks. He sits again. Cautious. Now we tighten it up. Wayne gingerly pushes a button - the brace starts to shrink tight to his leg, digging in. Wayne grits his teeth. ALFRED It is terribly painful? WAYNE (GRITTED TEETH) You're welcome to try it, Alfred. ALFRED Happy watching, thank you, sir. Wayne shouts as the brace clicks home. He gets to his feet. 47. WAYNE Not bad - Wayne executes a perfect roundhouse, knocking out a brick. Not bad at all. Alfred picks up the brick. Considers it. Uneasy. He follows Wayne across the bridge to the cube. ALFRED Master Wayne, if you're considering going back out there you need to hear some rumors surrounding Bane. WAYNE I'm all ears. ALFRED There is a prison. In a more ancient part of the world. A pit. Where men are thrown to suffer and die. But sometimes, a man rises from the darkness. Sometimes...the pit sends something back. WAYNE Bane. ALFRED Born and raised in a hell on earth. WAYNE Born in a prison? ALFRED No one knows why. Or how he escaped. But they know who trained him one he did...R 's al Gh l. Your A U mentor. Wayne takes this in. Shocked. ALFRED He plucked Bane from a dark corner of the earth and trained him in the blackest disciplines of combat, deception and endurance. Just like you. WAYNE Bane was a member of the League of Shadows. 48. ALFRED Until he was excommunicated. And a man considered too extreme for R 's A al Gh l is not to be trifled with. U WAYNE I didn't realize I was known for trifling with criminals. ALFRED That was then. And you can strap up your leg and put the mask back on. But it won't make you what you were. WAYNE Which was? ALFRED Someone whose anger at death made him value all life. Even his own. WAYNE If this man is all the things you say he is, then this city needs me. The Batsuit emerges from the cube. ALFRED Yes, this city needs Bruce Wayne. Your resources, your knowledge...not your body. Not your life. That time has passed. WAYNE I tried helping as Bruce Wayne, Alfred. And I failed. ALFRED You can fail as Bruce Wayne. As Batman, you can't afford to. WAYNE That's what you're afraid of - that if I go back out there I'll fail. ALFRED No. I'm afraid that you want to. Wayne looks at Alfred. Then turns to examine the Batsuit. 49. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - EVENING A frenzy of trading on the packed floor... Two Traders sit on a shoeshine stand in the lobby. TRADER 2 You can't short the stock because Bruce Wayne goes to a party - TRADER 1 Wayne coming back is change. Change is either good or bad. TRADER 2 On what basis? TRADER 1 I flipped a coin. Near the front entrance: a Food Delivery Guy is standing there negotiating with a Trader. TRADER 3 No. Rye. I told 'em rye. Trader 3 spots bad news on a screen. Alright, I'll take it. He thrusts Food Guy a tip and grabs the bag, distracted... At the rear secure entrance: a Motorcycle Courier enters, wearing his helmet - a Female Security Guard gets in his face. FEMALE SECURITY GUARD Rookie! Lose the helmet! (Points at a camera.) We need faces for cameras. In the rest room: a Janitor mops the floor, shifting out of the way of two Traders who rush in to pee. At the shoeshine stand, Trader 1 waves a bill down at the man shining his shoes without a glance. Shoeshine Man takes the bill, then, as the Traders step off, he reaches into a gym bag and checks an automatic weapon. He clicks the slide home, then hoists the gym bag and heads for the trading floor. At the secure entrance: the Courier pulls off his helmet. The Female Security Guard's eyes go wide. 50. In the rest room: the Janitor reaches into his bucket and pulls out a machine pistol in a Ziploc bag. Near the front entrance: Food Guy pulls an automatic pistol - clubs Trader 3 with it, pastrami flying. Shoeshine Man moves onto the floor, pulls out his weapon. Under the Courier's helmet - a mask. Bane. He grabs the Female Security Guard and throws her into her colleagues, lashing out in four directions with rapidfire lethality. Shoeshine Man fires into the large trading screens. The floor erupts into a different frenzy - traders hit the deck, screaming. Bane moves onto the floor... TRADER 1 This is a stock exchange, there's no money you can steal - He dries up as Bane stops. Turns to him... BANE Why else would you people be here? Bane grabs Trader 1 by the throat and drags him across the floor to an online automated trades terminal... He puts the man's thumb onto the print reader - the screen lights up. BANE Enter your password. Or I send these men to your home. Trader 1, terrified, types in his password. Outside, sirens. Shoeshine man pulls out a USB drive with an antenna - plugs it into the computer - figures race across the screen... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Police vehicles screech into the narrow street - construction vehicles are blocking. Blake argues with a burly Construction Worker. BLAKE Move it, now! We've got a situation. CONSTRUCTION WORKER Where can I move it?! BLAKE That way! Blake points - but SWAT vehicles pile in, blocking. 51. BLAKE Get in your vehicle and stay there! Foley and the SWAT Commander, Allen, approach the entrance. The Market Security Chief walks up, frantic. SECURITY CHIEF You've gotta get in there! FOLEY This is a hostage situation - SECURITY CHIEF It's a robbery! They've got direct access to the online trading desk. FOLEY I'm not risking my men for your MONEY - SECURITY CHIEF It's not our money, it's everyone's! ALLEN Really? Mine's in my mattress. SECURITY CHIEF If you don't shut these guys down, the stuffing in that mattress might be worth a whole lot less, pal. FOLEY Cut the fiber line - shut down the cell tower. That'll slow them down. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Shoeshine Man looks up from the laptop. SHOESHINE MAN They cut the fiber. Cell's working. BANE For now. How much longer does the program need? SHOESHINE MAN Eight minutes. 52. BANE Time to go mobile. Shoeshine Man picks up the laptop, slips it into his pack... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Allen shouts at his men. ALLEN Get the barriers up - no more in and out on this street! Steel wedge-shaped barriers rise up at the mouth of the street. A Sniper watches the doors through a thermal scope. Six large heat signatures bloom, too big for people... SNIPER I've got something - The door explodes. SWATs duck, six sportbikes race out and leap the ramp-like barricades, sending SWATs scattering. Cops scramble to pull their vehicles out to give chase. EXT. GOTHAM STREET - CONTINUOUS The bikes weave through traffic, Traders strapped to the back, facing backwards - screaming, ties flying in the wind. A cruiser falls in behind. ROOKIE COP Shoot the tires! A Veteran Cop sights a shot, but the Traders are in the way. VETERAN COP No shot! EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Foley is barking into his radio. FOLEY Back off, back off! They've got hostages! 53. INT./EXT. CRUISER ON GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS The cruiser follows the bike into a large tunnel. A Rookie Cop looks up into his rear-view. ROOKIE COP What's going on with the lights? The Veteran Cop looks back - streetlights and headlights are dying one after another. The darkness is chasing them - the darkness hits them. Their lights, sirens, and engine die... And, out of the silence, a dark shape roars past - VETERAN COP It can't be... ROOKIE COP The hell was that?! VETERAN COP Oh boy. You're in for a show tonight, son. EXT. HIGHWAY - CONTINUOUS Food Guy drives the rear bike. He looks back - sees streetlights explode behind him - darkness catching him up. The engine chokes and dies.

accompanied

How many times the word 'accompanied' appears in the text?

- CONTINUOUS The SWATs return fire. The Thugs lay down cover fire, then race around a corner into a smaller passage. A cop car pulls up, blocking the mouth of the alley - Gordon jumps out, gun drawn. The SWATs approach the passage, massing on both corners tactically. The two corner SWATs exchange hand signals, counting down... They round the corner, aiming low and high. The passage is empty. The SWATs cover a fire escape, but Gordon spots at once - GORDON Manhole! He races to the manhole cover - SWATs wrench off the cover, Gordon grabs a flashlight from the nearest SWAT. GORDON You three, down with me. You two, head down to cover the next exit - SWAT Where -? GORDON Get the DWP down here, now! Gordon starts climbing down the ladder... INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon moves down the tunnel, flashlight low. Three SWATs fall in behind... 27. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake comes into the alley. Cops surround the manhole. COP Where's the DWP guy? BLAKE They went down there? FOLEY (shaking his head) And Gordon took SWAT in after them. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon hears a noise up ahead - pushes forward, rounds the corner. BANG! GUNFIRE. SWATs return fire, shots sparking off the concrete walls, then - BOOM - behind him the tunnel ERUPTS IN FIRE, blasting the SWATs. Gordon races forward, tearing through the tunnels. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake jumps back as a fireball bursts out of the manhole. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon races around a corner, gun drawn. A noise makes him turn - WHACK, he is clobbered from behind by a Thug. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake pushes forward. BLAKE Come on, we gotta get down there - COP That was a gas explosion, kid - BLAKE Gas? This is a sewer! FOLEY No one goes in there till we know what's down there. 28. BLAKE We know what's down there, sir. The Police Commissioner! FOLEY Somebody get the hothead out of here. And get me a DWP guy! Blake backs off. Gets an idea - goes for his patrol car. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Thug 1 flips Gordon onto his back. THUG 1 This one's alive. (Looks closer.) Jesus. It's the Police Commissioner. THUG 2 What do we do? THUG 1 Take him to Bane. The two Thugs drag Gordon down through the maze of tunnels. As they descend deeper they encounter work crews of muscular men wielding large drills and jackhammers, working the walls and ceiling of the larger tunnels. Some of the men are armed Mercenaries, overseeing gangs of homeless street kids. They stare as Gordon is dragged past. The Thugs drag Gordon between two waterfalls, into - INT. BANE'S LAIR, SEWERS - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT) They approach a figure, turned away, crouched in the firelight. Bare-chested, muscular, masked. Bane. A crooked line of scar tissue runs the length of his spine... BANE Why are you here? The Thugs drop Gordon at Bane's feet. THUG 1 Answer him! Bane slowly turns to the Thugs. 29. BANE I'm asking you. THUG 1 It's the Police Commissioner. BANE And you brought him down here? THUG 2 We didn't know what to do. We - BANE You panicked. And your weakness costs three lives. THUG 1 No, he's alone - Bane flips the Thug's chin up and to the side with a crack. Thug 1 drops. Bane turns to Thug 2. BANE Search him. Then I will kill you. The Thug, terrified, pulls out Gordon's badge, wallet, gun...and the folded papers of the speech he did not read. Bane takes these one by one with quick glances. He stops at the papers. Unfolds them... As he reads, Gordon rolls off the steps, dropping into the rushing flow of water - gunshots ring out... THUG 2 He's dead. Thug 2 trails off as Bane looks up from the papers... BANE Then show me his body. THUG 2 That water runs to any one of the outflows - we'd never find him. Bane turns to the Lead Mercenary. BANE Give me your GPS. Lead Mercenary hands him a GPS - Bane tucks it into Thug 2's jacket, zips it up like a mother sending her kid to school. 30. BANE Follow him. THUG 2 Follow him? Bane shoots Thug 2, kicks him into the water. Turns to Lead Mercenary. BANE Track him. Make sure both bodies will not be found. Then brick up the south tunnel. EXT. WATER TREATMENT FACILITY - NIGHT Blake comes out to the catchment basin. He spots something stuck up against the grille, thrusts his hand into the raging waters - Gordon is there, alive. Just. Blake pulls him up onto the concrete, hoists him up, hurrying... INT. FRONT HALL, WAYNE MANOR - DAY Alfred opens the door to reveal Blake in his dirty uniform. BLAKE I need to see Bruce Wayne. ALFRED I'm sorry, Mr. Wayne doesn't take unscheduled calls. Even from police officers. BLAKE And if I go get a warrant, in the investigation of Harvey Dent's murder? Would that still count as unscheduled? INT. STUDY, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Blake is sitting, drumming his leg, nervous. Wayne enters. WAYNE What can I do for you, officer? BLAKE Commissioner Gordon's been shot. 31. WAYNE I'm sorry to hear that - BLAKE He chased a gunman down into the sewers. When I pulled him out he was babbling about an underground army. A masked man called 'Bane'. WAYNE Shouldn't you be telling this to your superior officers? BLAKE I did. One of them asked if he saw any giant alligators down there. He needs you. He needs the Batman. WAYNE If Commissioner Gordon thinks I'm the Batman he must be in a bad way - BLAKE He doesn't know or care who you are. (Off look.) But we've met before. When I was a kid. At the orphanage. See, my mom died when I was small. Car accident, I don't really remember it. But a couple of years later my dad was shot over a gambling debt. I remember that just fine. (Looks at Wayne.) Not a lot of people who know what it feels like, do they? To be angry. In your bones. People understand, foster parents understand. For a while. Then they expect the angry kid to do what he knows he can never do. To move on. To forget. Wayne stares at Blake. BLAKE So they stopped understanding and sent the angry kid to a boys' home - St. Swithin's. Used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation. See, I figured it out too late. You have to hide the anger. Practice smiling in the mirror. Like putting on a mask. You showed up one day in a cool car, pretty girl on your arm. (MORE) 32. BLAKE (CONT'D) We were so excited - Bruce Wayne, billionaire orphan. We made up stories about you. Legends. The other boys' stories were just that. But when I saw you I knew who you really were... (Beat.) I'd seen that look on your face. Same one I taught myself. Blake gets up to leave. Wayne is lost in thought. BLAKE I don't know why you took the fall for Dent's murder, but I'm still a believer in the Batman. Even if you're not. WAYNE Why did you say your boys' home used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation? BLAKE Because the money stopped. Might be time to get some fresh air and start paying attention to the details. Some of those details might need your help. INT. HALL, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Wayne and Alfred watch Blake drive away. WAYNE You checked that name? 'Bane' - ALFRED Ran it through some databases. He's a mercenary. No other known name. Never been seen or photographed without a mask. He and his men were behind a coup in West Africa that secured mining operations for our friend John Daggett. WAYNE Now Daggett's brought them here? ALFRED It would seem so. I'll keep digging. 33. Alfred turns to leave. WAYNE Why did the Wayne Foundation stop funding boys' homes in the city? ALFRED The Foundation is funded from the profits of Wayne Enterprises... (Off look.) There have to be some. WAYNE Time to talk to Mr. Fox, I think. ALFRED I'll get him on the phone - WAYNE No. Do we still have any cars around the place? ALFRED (LIGHTS UP) One or two. WAYNE And I need an appointment at the hospital. About my leg. ALFRED Which hospital, sir? WAYNE Whichever one Jim Gordon's in. Alfred is less excited by this part of the request. EXT. WAYNE ENTERPRISES - DAY Moving towards the tall skyscraper downtown. MIRANDA (V.O.) Mr. Fox, I believe in what Mr. Wayne was trying to do... INT. BOARDROOM, WAYNE ENTERPRISES - CONTINUOUS Miranda is talking to Lucius Fox at the table. 34. MIRANDA I'm only asking for explanations because I think I can help. FOX I'll pass along your request. Next time I see him. Miranda catches something in this. MIRANDA He doesn't talk to you either? FOX Let's just say that Bruce Wayne has his...eccentricities. MIRANDA (RISING) Mr. Fox, are you aware that John Daggett is trying to acquire shares in Wayne Enterprises? FOX I was not. But it wouldn't do him any good - Mr. Wayne still retains a clear majority. Miranda leaves. Fox moves into his office - stops. FOX Bruce Wayne. As I live and breathe. Wayne rises, pushing hard on his cane. FOX What brings you out of cryo-sleep Mr. Wayne? WAYNE I see you haven't lost your sense of humor...even if you have lost most of my money. FOX Actually, you did that yourself. See, if you funnel the entire R and D budget for five years into a fusion project that you then mothball, your company is unlikely to thrive. 35. WAYNE Even with - FOX A wildly sophisticated CEO, yes. Wayne Enterprises is running out of time. And Daggett is moving in. WAYNE What're my options? FOX If you're not willing to turn your machine on - WAYNE I can't, Lucius. FOX Then sit tight. Your majority keeps Daggett at arm's length while we figure out a future for the energy program with Miranda Tate - she's supported your project all the way. She's smart, and quite lovely. WAYNE You too, Lucius? FOX We all just want what's best for you, Bruce. Show her the machine. WAYNE I'll think it over. FOX Anything else? WAYNE No, why? FOX These conversations always used to end with some...unusual requests. WAYNE I retired. FOX Let me show you some stuff, anyway. Fox hits a button - the bookcase opens into a hidden elevator. 36. INT. APPLIED SCIENCES - MOMENTS LATER Fox leads Wayne into the vast, gadget-filled space. They pass Tumblers with different weapons configurations... WAYNE I figured you'd have shut this place down. FOX It was always shut down, officially. WAYNE But all this new stuff? FOX After your father died, Wayne Enterprises set up fourteen different defense subsidiaries. I've spent years shuttering them and consolidating all the prototypes under one roof. My roof. WAYNE Why? FOX Stop them falling into the wrong hands. Besides, I thought someone might get some use out of them... Wayne shakes his head. FOX Sure I can't tempt you to something? Pneumatic crampons? Infrared lenses? Least let me get you something for that leg. WAYNE It's fine the use it gets these days. FOX Well, then I have just the thing for an eccentric billionaire who doesn't like to walk... Fox opens a door - we glimpse a sleek vehicle. Wayne's eyes light up. 37. WAYNE Now you're just showing off. FOX Defense Department project for tight-geometry urban pacification. Rotors configured for maneuvering between buildings without recirculation. WAYNE What's it called? FOX It has a long and uninteresting Wayne Enterprises designation. So I took to calling it the Bat. And yes, Mr. Wayne, it does come in black. Wayne touches its sleek side. Marveling. FOX Works great except for the autopilot. WAYNE What's wrong with that? FOX Software-based instability. Take a better mind than mine to fix it. WAYNE Better mind? FOX I was trying to be modest. A less busy mind. Yours, perhaps. Wayne looks wistfully at the machine. Turns away. WAYNE I told you. I retired, Lucius. INT. EXAMINATION ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - NIGHT Wayne listens, distracted, while a Doctor examines an X-ray. DOCTOR I've seen worse cartilage in knees - 38. WAYNE That's good - DOCTOR No, that's because there is no cartilage in your knee. And not much of any use in your elbows and shoulders. Between that and the scar tissue on your kidneys, residual concussive damage to your brain tissue and general scarred-over quality of your body... (Takes a deep breath.) I cannot recommend that you go heli-skiing. About the only part of your body that looks healthy is your liver, so if you're bored I recommend you take up drinking, Mr. Wayne. Wayne smiles. The Doctor leaves. Wayne pulls on a ski mask, steps to the window, hops up, pulls a wire from his cane, which he clips to his belt. He props his cane behind the frame - jumps out. The wire unspools from the cane as - EXT. TENTH FLOOR, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS Wayne drops three floors... INT. PRIVATE ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL - CONTINUOUS Gordon lies in his bed, hooked up to machines. Wayne, in ski mask, stands over him. Gordon's eyes flutter open. He tries to speak with a weak, hoarse voice... GORDON We were in this together. Then you were gone... WAYNE The Batman wasn't needed anymore. We won. GORDON Built on a lie. Our lie. Now there's evil rising from where we tried to bury it. Nobody will listen... The Batman has to come back. 39. WAYNE What if he doesn't exist anymore? GORDON He must. He must. INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI ON GOTHAM STREETS - NIGHT Wayne pulls up in front of a row of shabby subdivided town houses. Checks a tracking device. Jon, provocatively dressed, leads a Yuppie Banker-type in through a front door. INT. SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Selina sits in a small room getting ready to go out. She picks up the pearls - hears a disturbance in the hall. JEN (O.S.) I told you - money first - YUPPIE (O.S.) Goddammit, you took my wallet! INT. STAIRWELL OUTSIDE SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS The Yuppie has Jen against the wall - he reaches back to hit her with an expensive wristwatch-clad arm. But Selina has grabbed his wrist with a powerful grip. SELINA Get out. YUPPIE She took my wallet! Selina twists his arm behind him in a blinding move. SELINA Now. She releases the Yuppie, who moves off down the stairs. Selina turns to Jen. Who is examining a wallet. SELINA I told you not to try it with the assholes, Jen. JEN They're all assholes. 40. SELINA Okay, the assholes who hit. JEN I don't know what he's so upset about, he only had sixty bucks in here. SELINA Probably the watch. YOUNG WOMAN Watch? Selina opens her hand and gives Jen the Yuppie's Rolex. EXT. SELINA'S BUILDING, OLD TOWN, GOTHAM - LATER Selina exits and hails a cab. Wayne watches her go. Then pulls out. Checking his tracker. EXT. MUSEUM, GOTHAM - LATER Town cars dispense Gotham society in tasteful masquerade. Wayne pulls up to the Valet. Paparazzi line the entrance. Wayne uses his cane to get out of his Lamborghini... PAPARAZZI Another stiff too old to climb out of his sports car. PAPARAZZI 2 No, that's Bruce Wayne! Hey, Wayne, where you been hiding? Lenses swing onto Wayne, who pushes a button on his key fob - a pulse. The cameras die. Wayne heads to the door. WAYNE I'm not sure if my assistant put me on the guest list - GREETER Right through here, Mr. Wayne... 41. INT. MUSEUM - CONTINUOUS A lavish ball - the expressively attired dance under falling confetti... Even Bruce Wayne is struck by the ostentation. He spots Selina dancing with a deeply smitten Rich Twit. She wears a small, velvet pair of cat ears. And the pearls. MIRANDA (O.S) Bruce Wayne at a charity ball? Wayne turns to find Miranda Tate, amazed, a small mask her only concession to fancy dress. WAYNE Miss Tate, isn't it? MIRANDA Even before you became a recluse, you never came to these things... WAYNE True. Proceeds go to the big fat spread, not the cause. It's not about charity, it's about feeding the ego of whichever society hag laid it on. MIRANDA Actually, this is my party, Mr. Wayne. WAYNE Oh. MIRANDA And the proceeds will go where they should, because I paid for the big fat spread myself. WAYNE That's very generous of you. MIRANDA You have to invest to restore balance to the world. Take our clean-energy project... WAYNE Sometimes the investment doesn't pay off. Sorry. 42. MIRANDA You have a practiced apathy, Mr. Wayne. But a man who doesn't care about the world doesn't spend half his fortune on a plan to save it... (Gentle.) And isn't so wounded when it fails that he goes into hiding... Wayne looks at Miranda. Intrigued. MIRANDA Have a good evening, Mr. Wayne. Wayne watches Miranda glide away. Then turns to Selina. WAYNE Mind if I cut in? Rich Twit turns, annoyed - Wayne hands him his cane. Takes Selina by the waist. She glares at him. WAYNE You don't seem very happy to see me. SELINA You were supposed to be a shut-in. WAYNE Felt like some fresh air. SELINA Why didn't you call the police? WAYNE I have a powerful friend who deals with this kind of thing. (Admires her cat ears.) Brazen costume for a cat burglar. SELINA Yeah? Who are you pretending to be? WAYNE Bruce Wayne, eccentric billionaire. Who's your date? SELINA His wife's in Ibiza. She left her diamonds behind, though. Worried they'd get stolen. 43. WAYNE It's pronounced 'Ibeetha'. You wouldn't want these folks realizing you're a crook not a social climber. SELINA (flash of anger) You think I care what anyone in this room thinks about me? WAYNE I doubt you care what anyone in this room thinks about you. SELINA Don't condescend, Mr. Wayne. You don't know a thing about me. WAYNE Well, Selina Kyle, I know you came here from your walk-up in Old Town - modest place for a master jewel thief. Which means either you're saving for your retirement - or you're in deep with the wrong people. SELINA You don't get to judge me because you were born in the master bedroom of Wayne Manor. WAYNE Actually, I was born in the Regency Room. SELINA I started off doing what I had to. Once you've done what you had to they'll never let you do what you want to. WAYNE Start fresh. SELINA There's no fresh start in today's world. Any twelve-year-old with a cell phone could find out what you did. Everything we do is collated and quantified. Everything sticks. We are the sum of our mistakes. 44. WAYNE Or our achievements. SELINA The mistakes stick better. Trust me. WAYNE You think that justifies stealing? SELINA I take what I need to from those who have more than enough. I don't stand on the shoulders of people with less. WAYNE Robin Hood? SELINA I'd do more to help someone than most of the people in this room. Than you. WAYNE Maybe you're assuming too much. SELINA Or maybe you're being unrealistic about what's really in your pants other than your wallet. WAYNE Ouch. SELINA You think all this can last? Wayne glances around at the sumptuous party. SELINA There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits you're all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little to the rest of us. WAYNE Sounds like you're looking forward to it. 45. SELINA I'm adaptable. WAYNE These pearls do look better on you then they did in my safe... Wayne rolls her into his shoulder - reaches up to the back of her neck, unclasps the necklace. But I still can't let you keep them. The pearls slide off her neck into his other hand. Selina looks at him. Angry. Then kisses him, hard, and disappears into the crowd. Wayne's cane reappears. RICH TWIT (ANNOYED) You scared her off. WAYNE Not likely. EXT. MUSEUM - MOMENTS LATER Wayne approaches the Valet. Pats down his pockets. WAYNE I must have lost my ticket - VALET Your wife said you were taking a cab home, sir. WAYNE My wife? INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI RACING DOWN STREETS - CONTINUOUS Selina permits herself a little smile as she guns the engine. INT. ROLLS ROYCE - LATER Alfred watches in the mirror as Wayne climbs into the back. ALFRED Just you, sir? Wayne gives him a withering glare. (MORE) 46. ALFRED (CONT'D) Don't worry, Master Wayne. Takes a little time to get back into the swing of things. Wayne dials his phone. FOX (O.S.) This is Fox. WAYNE Remember those 'unusual requests' I used to make? FOX (O.S.) I knew it! Up front, Alfred listens. Concerned. INT. BATCAVE - DAY Wayne pushes a button on a hi-tech carbon fiber brace strapped to his good knee - the brace tones. As Wayne starts moving his knee, bending, stretching, Alfred puts down a Thermos. ALFRED You've got the wrong leg, sir. WAYNE You start with the good limb so it learns your optimum muscle patterns. Wayne swaps the brace to his bad knee. Puts his weight on it - the knee bends, kicks. He sits again. Cautious. Now we tighten it up. Wayne gingerly pushes a button - the brace starts to shrink tight to his leg, digging in. Wayne grits his teeth. ALFRED It is terribly painful? WAYNE (GRITTED TEETH) You're welcome to try it, Alfred. ALFRED Happy watching, thank you, sir. Wayne shouts as the brace clicks home. He gets to his feet. 47. WAYNE Not bad - Wayne executes a perfect roundhouse, knocking out a brick. Not bad at all. Alfred picks up the brick. Considers it. Uneasy. He follows Wayne across the bridge to the cube. ALFRED Master Wayne, if you're considering going back out there you need to hear some rumors surrounding Bane. WAYNE I'm all ears. ALFRED There is a prison. In a more ancient part of the world. A pit. Where men are thrown to suffer and die. But sometimes, a man rises from the darkness. Sometimes...the pit sends something back. WAYNE Bane. ALFRED Born and raised in a hell on earth. WAYNE Born in a prison? ALFRED No one knows why. Or how he escaped. But they know who trained him one he did...R 's al Gh l. Your A U mentor. Wayne takes this in. Shocked. ALFRED He plucked Bane from a dark corner of the earth and trained him in the blackest disciplines of combat, deception and endurance. Just like you. WAYNE Bane was a member of the League of Shadows. 48. ALFRED Until he was excommunicated. And a man considered too extreme for R 's A al Gh l is not to be trifled with. U WAYNE I didn't realize I was known for trifling with criminals. ALFRED That was then. And you can strap up your leg and put the mask back on. But it won't make you what you were. WAYNE Which was? ALFRED Someone whose anger at death made him value all life. Even his own. WAYNE If this man is all the things you say he is, then this city needs me. The Batsuit emerges from the cube. ALFRED Yes, this city needs Bruce Wayne. Your resources, your knowledge...not your body. Not your life. That time has passed. WAYNE I tried helping as Bruce Wayne, Alfred. And I failed. ALFRED You can fail as Bruce Wayne. As Batman, you can't afford to. WAYNE That's what you're afraid of - that if I go back out there I'll fail. ALFRED No. I'm afraid that you want to. Wayne looks at Alfred. Then turns to examine the Batsuit. 49. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - EVENING A frenzy of trading on the packed floor... Two Traders sit on a shoeshine stand in the lobby. TRADER 2 You can't short the stock because Bruce Wayne goes to a party - TRADER 1 Wayne coming back is change. Change is either good or bad. TRADER 2 On what basis? TRADER 1 I flipped a coin. Near the front entrance: a Food Delivery Guy is standing there negotiating with a Trader. TRADER 3 No. Rye. I told 'em rye. Trader 3 spots bad news on a screen. Alright, I'll take it. He thrusts Food Guy a tip and grabs the bag, distracted... At the rear secure entrance: a Motorcycle Courier enters, wearing his helmet - a Female Security Guard gets in his face. FEMALE SECURITY GUARD Rookie! Lose the helmet! (Points at a camera.) We need faces for cameras. In the rest room: a Janitor mops the floor, shifting out of the way of two Traders who rush in to pee. At the shoeshine stand, Trader 1 waves a bill down at the man shining his shoes without a glance. Shoeshine Man takes the bill, then, as the Traders step off, he reaches into a gym bag and checks an automatic weapon. He clicks the slide home, then hoists the gym bag and heads for the trading floor. At the secure entrance: the Courier pulls off his helmet. The Female Security Guard's eyes go wide. 50. In the rest room: the Janitor reaches into his bucket and pulls out a machine pistol in a Ziploc bag. Near the front entrance: Food Guy pulls an automatic pistol - clubs Trader 3 with it, pastrami flying. Shoeshine Man moves onto the floor, pulls out his weapon. Under the Courier's helmet - a mask. Bane. He grabs the Female Security Guard and throws her into her colleagues, lashing out in four directions with rapidfire lethality. Shoeshine Man fires into the large trading screens. The floor erupts into a different frenzy - traders hit the deck, screaming. Bane moves onto the floor... TRADER 1 This is a stock exchange, there's no money you can steal - He dries up as Bane stops. Turns to him... BANE Why else would you people be here? Bane grabs Trader 1 by the throat and drags him across the floor to an online automated trades terminal... He puts the man's thumb onto the print reader - the screen lights up. BANE Enter your password. Or I send these men to your home. Trader 1, terrified, types in his password. Outside, sirens. Shoeshine man pulls out a USB drive with an antenna - plugs it into the computer - figures race across the screen... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Police vehicles screech into the narrow street - construction vehicles are blocking. Blake argues with a burly Construction Worker. BLAKE Move it, now! We've got a situation. CONSTRUCTION WORKER Where can I move it?! BLAKE That way! Blake points - but SWAT vehicles pile in, blocking. 51. BLAKE Get in your vehicle and stay there! Foley and the SWAT Commander, Allen, approach the entrance. The Market Security Chief walks up, frantic. SECURITY CHIEF You've gotta get in there! FOLEY This is a hostage situation - SECURITY CHIEF It's a robbery! They've got direct access to the online trading desk. FOLEY I'm not risking my men for your MONEY - SECURITY CHIEF It's not our money, it's everyone's! ALLEN Really? Mine's in my mattress. SECURITY CHIEF If you don't shut these guys down, the stuffing in that mattress might be worth a whole lot less, pal. FOLEY Cut the fiber line - shut down the cell tower. That'll slow them down. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Shoeshine Man looks up from the laptop. SHOESHINE MAN They cut the fiber. Cell's working. BANE For now. How much longer does the program need? SHOESHINE MAN Eight minutes. 52. BANE Time to go mobile. Shoeshine Man picks up the laptop, slips it into his pack... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Allen shouts at his men. ALLEN Get the barriers up - no more in and out on this street! Steel wedge-shaped barriers rise up at the mouth of the street. A Sniper watches the doors through a thermal scope. Six large heat signatures bloom, too big for people... SNIPER I've got something - The door explodes. SWATs duck, six sportbikes race out and leap the ramp-like barricades, sending SWATs scattering. Cops scramble to pull their vehicles out to give chase. EXT. GOTHAM STREET - CONTINUOUS The bikes weave through traffic, Traders strapped to the back, facing backwards - screaming, ties flying in the wind. A cruiser falls in behind. ROOKIE COP Shoot the tires! A Veteran Cop sights a shot, but the Traders are in the way. VETERAN COP No shot! EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Foley is barking into his radio. FOLEY Back off, back off! They've got hostages! 53. INT./EXT. CRUISER ON GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS The cruiser follows the bike into a large tunnel. A Rookie Cop looks up into his rear-view. ROOKIE COP What's going on with the lights? The Veteran Cop looks back - streetlights and headlights are dying one after another. The darkness is chasing them - the darkness hits them. Their lights, sirens, and engine die... And, out of the silence, a dark shape roars past - VETERAN COP It can't be... ROOKIE COP The hell was that?! VETERAN COP Oh boy. You're in for a show tonight, son. EXT. HIGHWAY - CONTINUOUS Food Guy drives the rear bike. He looks back - sees streetlights explode behind him - darkness catching him up. The engine chokes and dies.

races

How many times the word 'races' appears in the text?

- CONTINUOUS The SWATs return fire. The Thugs lay down cover fire, then race around a corner into a smaller passage. A cop car pulls up, blocking the mouth of the alley - Gordon jumps out, gun drawn. The SWATs approach the passage, massing on both corners tactically. The two corner SWATs exchange hand signals, counting down... They round the corner, aiming low and high. The passage is empty. The SWATs cover a fire escape, but Gordon spots at once - GORDON Manhole! He races to the manhole cover - SWATs wrench off the cover, Gordon grabs a flashlight from the nearest SWAT. GORDON You three, down with me. You two, head down to cover the next exit - SWAT Where -? GORDON Get the DWP down here, now! Gordon starts climbing down the ladder... INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon moves down the tunnel, flashlight low. Three SWATs fall in behind... 27. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake comes into the alley. Cops surround the manhole. COP Where's the DWP guy? BLAKE They went down there? FOLEY (shaking his head) And Gordon took SWAT in after them. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon hears a noise up ahead - pushes forward, rounds the corner. BANG! GUNFIRE. SWATs return fire, shots sparking off the concrete walls, then - BOOM - behind him the tunnel ERUPTS IN FIRE, blasting the SWATs. Gordon races forward, tearing through the tunnels. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake jumps back as a fireball bursts out of the manhole. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon races around a corner, gun drawn. A noise makes him turn - WHACK, he is clobbered from behind by a Thug. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake pushes forward. BLAKE Come on, we gotta get down there - COP That was a gas explosion, kid - BLAKE Gas? This is a sewer! FOLEY No one goes in there till we know what's down there. 28. BLAKE We know what's down there, sir. The Police Commissioner! FOLEY Somebody get the hothead out of here. And get me a DWP guy! Blake backs off. Gets an idea - goes for his patrol car. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Thug 1 flips Gordon onto his back. THUG 1 This one's alive. (Looks closer.) Jesus. It's the Police Commissioner. THUG 2 What do we do? THUG 1 Take him to Bane. The two Thugs drag Gordon down through the maze of tunnels. As they descend deeper they encounter work crews of muscular men wielding large drills and jackhammers, working the walls and ceiling of the larger tunnels. Some of the men are armed Mercenaries, overseeing gangs of homeless street kids. They stare as Gordon is dragged past. The Thugs drag Gordon between two waterfalls, into - INT. BANE'S LAIR, SEWERS - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT) They approach a figure, turned away, crouched in the firelight. Bare-chested, muscular, masked. Bane. A crooked line of scar tissue runs the length of his spine... BANE Why are you here? The Thugs drop Gordon at Bane's feet. THUG 1 Answer him! Bane slowly turns to the Thugs. 29. BANE I'm asking you. THUG 1 It's the Police Commissioner. BANE And you brought him down here? THUG 2 We didn't know what to do. We - BANE You panicked. And your weakness costs three lives. THUG 1 No, he's alone - Bane flips the Thug's chin up and to the side with a crack. Thug 1 drops. Bane turns to Thug 2. BANE Search him. Then I will kill you. The Thug, terrified, pulls out Gordon's badge, wallet, gun...and the folded papers of the speech he did not read. Bane takes these one by one with quick glances. He stops at the papers. Unfolds them... As he reads, Gordon rolls off the steps, dropping into the rushing flow of water - gunshots ring out... THUG 2 He's dead. Thug 2 trails off as Bane looks up from the papers... BANE Then show me his body. THUG 2 That water runs to any one of the outflows - we'd never find him. Bane turns to the Lead Mercenary. BANE Give me your GPS. Lead Mercenary hands him a GPS - Bane tucks it into Thug 2's jacket, zips it up like a mother sending her kid to school. 30. BANE Follow him. THUG 2 Follow him? Bane shoots Thug 2, kicks him into the water. Turns to Lead Mercenary. BANE Track him. Make sure both bodies will not be found. Then brick up the south tunnel. EXT. WATER TREATMENT FACILITY - NIGHT Blake comes out to the catchment basin. He spots something stuck up against the grille, thrusts his hand into the raging waters - Gordon is there, alive. Just. Blake pulls him up onto the concrete, hoists him up, hurrying... INT. FRONT HALL, WAYNE MANOR - DAY Alfred opens the door to reveal Blake in his dirty uniform. BLAKE I need to see Bruce Wayne. ALFRED I'm sorry, Mr. Wayne doesn't take unscheduled calls. Even from police officers. BLAKE And if I go get a warrant, in the investigation of Harvey Dent's murder? Would that still count as unscheduled? INT. STUDY, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Blake is sitting, drumming his leg, nervous. Wayne enters. WAYNE What can I do for you, officer? BLAKE Commissioner Gordon's been shot. 31. WAYNE I'm sorry to hear that - BLAKE He chased a gunman down into the sewers. When I pulled him out he was babbling about an underground army. A masked man called 'Bane'. WAYNE Shouldn't you be telling this to your superior officers? BLAKE I did. One of them asked if he saw any giant alligators down there. He needs you. He needs the Batman. WAYNE If Commissioner Gordon thinks I'm the Batman he must be in a bad way - BLAKE He doesn't know or care who you are. (Off look.) But we've met before. When I was a kid. At the orphanage. See, my mom died when I was small. Car accident, I don't really remember it. But a couple of years later my dad was shot over a gambling debt. I remember that just fine. (Looks at Wayne.) Not a lot of people who know what it feels like, do they? To be angry. In your bones. People understand, foster parents understand. For a while. Then they expect the angry kid to do what he knows he can never do. To move on. To forget. Wayne stares at Blake. BLAKE So they stopped understanding and sent the angry kid to a boys' home - St. Swithin's. Used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation. See, I figured it out too late. You have to hide the anger. Practice smiling in the mirror. Like putting on a mask. You showed up one day in a cool car, pretty girl on your arm. (MORE) 32. BLAKE (CONT'D) We were so excited - Bruce Wayne, billionaire orphan. We made up stories about you. Legends. The other boys' stories were just that. But when I saw you I knew who you really were... (Beat.) I'd seen that look on your face. Same one I taught myself. Blake gets up to leave. Wayne is lost in thought. BLAKE I don't know why you took the fall for Dent's murder, but I'm still a believer in the Batman. Even if you're not. WAYNE Why did you say your boys' home used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation? BLAKE Because the money stopped. Might be time to get some fresh air and start paying attention to the details. Some of those details might need your help. INT. HALL, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Wayne and Alfred watch Blake drive away. WAYNE You checked that name? 'Bane' - ALFRED Ran it through some databases. He's a mercenary. No other known name. Never been seen or photographed without a mask. He and his men were behind a coup in West Africa that secured mining operations for our friend John Daggett. WAYNE Now Daggett's brought them here? ALFRED It would seem so. I'll keep digging. 33. Alfred turns to leave. WAYNE Why did the Wayne Foundation stop funding boys' homes in the city? ALFRED The Foundation is funded from the profits of Wayne Enterprises... (Off look.) There have to be some. WAYNE Time to talk to Mr. Fox, I think. ALFRED I'll get him on the phone - WAYNE No. Do we still have any cars around the place? ALFRED (LIGHTS UP) One or two. WAYNE And I need an appointment at the hospital. About my leg. ALFRED Which hospital, sir? WAYNE Whichever one Jim Gordon's in. Alfred is less excited by this part of the request. EXT. WAYNE ENTERPRISES - DAY Moving towards the tall skyscraper downtown. MIRANDA (V.O.) Mr. Fox, I believe in what Mr. Wayne was trying to do... INT. BOARDROOM, WAYNE ENTERPRISES - CONTINUOUS Miranda is talking to Lucius Fox at the table. 34. MIRANDA I'm only asking for explanations because I think I can help. FOX I'll pass along your request. Next time I see him. Miranda catches something in this. MIRANDA He doesn't talk to you either? FOX Let's just say that Bruce Wayne has his...eccentricities. MIRANDA (RISING) Mr. Fox, are you aware that John Daggett is trying to acquire shares in Wayne Enterprises? FOX I was not. But it wouldn't do him any good - Mr. Wayne still retains a clear majority. Miranda leaves. Fox moves into his office - stops. FOX Bruce Wayne. As I live and breathe. Wayne rises, pushing hard on his cane. FOX What brings you out of cryo-sleep Mr. Wayne? WAYNE I see you haven't lost your sense of humor...even if you have lost most of my money. FOX Actually, you did that yourself. See, if you funnel the entire R and D budget for five years into a fusion project that you then mothball, your company is unlikely to thrive. 35. WAYNE Even with - FOX A wildly sophisticated CEO, yes. Wayne Enterprises is running out of time. And Daggett is moving in. WAYNE What're my options? FOX If you're not willing to turn your machine on - WAYNE I can't, Lucius. FOX Then sit tight. Your majority keeps Daggett at arm's length while we figure out a future for the energy program with Miranda Tate - she's supported your project all the way. She's smart, and quite lovely. WAYNE You too, Lucius? FOX We all just want what's best for you, Bruce. Show her the machine. WAYNE I'll think it over. FOX Anything else? WAYNE No, why? FOX These conversations always used to end with some...unusual requests. WAYNE I retired. FOX Let me show you some stuff, anyway. Fox hits a button - the bookcase opens into a hidden elevator. 36. INT. APPLIED SCIENCES - MOMENTS LATER Fox leads Wayne into the vast, gadget-filled space. They pass Tumblers with different weapons configurations... WAYNE I figured you'd have shut this place down. FOX It was always shut down, officially. WAYNE But all this new stuff? FOX After your father died, Wayne Enterprises set up fourteen different defense subsidiaries. I've spent years shuttering them and consolidating all the prototypes under one roof. My roof. WAYNE Why? FOX Stop them falling into the wrong hands. Besides, I thought someone might get some use out of them... Wayne shakes his head. FOX Sure I can't tempt you to something? Pneumatic crampons? Infrared lenses? Least let me get you something for that leg. WAYNE It's fine the use it gets these days. FOX Well, then I have just the thing for an eccentric billionaire who doesn't like to walk... Fox opens a door - we glimpse a sleek vehicle. Wayne's eyes light up. 37. WAYNE Now you're just showing off. FOX Defense Department project for tight-geometry urban pacification. Rotors configured for maneuvering between buildings without recirculation. WAYNE What's it called? FOX It has a long and uninteresting Wayne Enterprises designation. So I took to calling it the Bat. And yes, Mr. Wayne, it does come in black. Wayne touches its sleek side. Marveling. FOX Works great except for the autopilot. WAYNE What's wrong with that? FOX Software-based instability. Take a better mind than mine to fix it. WAYNE Better mind? FOX I was trying to be modest. A less busy mind. Yours, perhaps. Wayne looks wistfully at the machine. Turns away. WAYNE I told you. I retired, Lucius. INT. EXAMINATION ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - NIGHT Wayne listens, distracted, while a Doctor examines an X-ray. DOCTOR I've seen worse cartilage in knees - 38. WAYNE That's good - DOCTOR No, that's because there is no cartilage in your knee. And not much of any use in your elbows and shoulders. Between that and the scar tissue on your kidneys, residual concussive damage to your brain tissue and general scarred-over quality of your body... (Takes a deep breath.) I cannot recommend that you go heli-skiing. About the only part of your body that looks healthy is your liver, so if you're bored I recommend you take up drinking, Mr. Wayne. Wayne smiles. The Doctor leaves. Wayne pulls on a ski mask, steps to the window, hops up, pulls a wire from his cane, which he clips to his belt. He props his cane behind the frame - jumps out. The wire unspools from the cane as - EXT. TENTH FLOOR, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS Wayne drops three floors... INT. PRIVATE ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL - CONTINUOUS Gordon lies in his bed, hooked up to machines. Wayne, in ski mask, stands over him. Gordon's eyes flutter open. He tries to speak with a weak, hoarse voice... GORDON We were in this together. Then you were gone... WAYNE The Batman wasn't needed anymore. We won. GORDON Built on a lie. Our lie. Now there's evil rising from where we tried to bury it. Nobody will listen... The Batman has to come back. 39. WAYNE What if he doesn't exist anymore? GORDON He must. He must. INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI ON GOTHAM STREETS - NIGHT Wayne pulls up in front of a row of shabby subdivided town houses. Checks a tracking device. Jon, provocatively dressed, leads a Yuppie Banker-type in through a front door. INT. SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Selina sits in a small room getting ready to go out. She picks up the pearls - hears a disturbance in the hall. JEN (O.S.) I told you - money first - YUPPIE (O.S.) Goddammit, you took my wallet! INT. STAIRWELL OUTSIDE SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS The Yuppie has Jen against the wall - he reaches back to hit her with an expensive wristwatch-clad arm. But Selina has grabbed his wrist with a powerful grip. SELINA Get out. YUPPIE She took my wallet! Selina twists his arm behind him in a blinding move. SELINA Now. She releases the Yuppie, who moves off down the stairs. Selina turns to Jen. Who is examining a wallet. SELINA I told you not to try it with the assholes, Jen. JEN They're all assholes. 40. SELINA Okay, the assholes who hit. JEN I don't know what he's so upset about, he only had sixty bucks in here. SELINA Probably the watch. YOUNG WOMAN Watch? Selina opens her hand and gives Jen the Yuppie's Rolex. EXT. SELINA'S BUILDING, OLD TOWN, GOTHAM - LATER Selina exits and hails a cab. Wayne watches her go. Then pulls out. Checking his tracker. EXT. MUSEUM, GOTHAM - LATER Town cars dispense Gotham society in tasteful masquerade. Wayne pulls up to the Valet. Paparazzi line the entrance. Wayne uses his cane to get out of his Lamborghini... PAPARAZZI Another stiff too old to climb out of his sports car. PAPARAZZI 2 No, that's Bruce Wayne! Hey, Wayne, where you been hiding? Lenses swing onto Wayne, who pushes a button on his key fob - a pulse. The cameras die. Wayne heads to the door. WAYNE I'm not sure if my assistant put me on the guest list - GREETER Right through here, Mr. Wayne... 41. INT. MUSEUM - CONTINUOUS A lavish ball - the expressively attired dance under falling confetti... Even Bruce Wayne is struck by the ostentation. He spots Selina dancing with a deeply smitten Rich Twit. She wears a small, velvet pair of cat ears. And the pearls. MIRANDA (O.S) Bruce Wayne at a charity ball? Wayne turns to find Miranda Tate, amazed, a small mask her only concession to fancy dress. WAYNE Miss Tate, isn't it? MIRANDA Even before you became a recluse, you never came to these things... WAYNE True. Proceeds go to the big fat spread, not the cause. It's not about charity, it's about feeding the ego of whichever society hag laid it on. MIRANDA Actually, this is my party, Mr. Wayne. WAYNE Oh. MIRANDA And the proceeds will go where they should, because I paid for the big fat spread myself. WAYNE That's very generous of you. MIRANDA You have to invest to restore balance to the world. Take our clean-energy project... WAYNE Sometimes the investment doesn't pay off. Sorry. 42. MIRANDA You have a practiced apathy, Mr. Wayne. But a man who doesn't care about the world doesn't spend half his fortune on a plan to save it... (Gentle.) And isn't so wounded when it fails that he goes into hiding... Wayne looks at Miranda. Intrigued. MIRANDA Have a good evening, Mr. Wayne. Wayne watches Miranda glide away. Then turns to Selina. WAYNE Mind if I cut in? Rich Twit turns, annoyed - Wayne hands him his cane. Takes Selina by the waist. She glares at him. WAYNE You don't seem very happy to see me. SELINA You were supposed to be a shut-in. WAYNE Felt like some fresh air. SELINA Why didn't you call the police? WAYNE I have a powerful friend who deals with this kind of thing. (Admires her cat ears.) Brazen costume for a cat burglar. SELINA Yeah? Who are you pretending to be? WAYNE Bruce Wayne, eccentric billionaire. Who's your date? SELINA His wife's in Ibiza. She left her diamonds behind, though. Worried they'd get stolen. 43. WAYNE It's pronounced 'Ibeetha'. You wouldn't want these folks realizing you're a crook not a social climber. SELINA (flash of anger) You think I care what anyone in this room thinks about me? WAYNE I doubt you care what anyone in this room thinks about you. SELINA Don't condescend, Mr. Wayne. You don't know a thing about me. WAYNE Well, Selina Kyle, I know you came here from your walk-up in Old Town - modest place for a master jewel thief. Which means either you're saving for your retirement - or you're in deep with the wrong people. SELINA You don't get to judge me because you were born in the master bedroom of Wayne Manor. WAYNE Actually, I was born in the Regency Room. SELINA I started off doing what I had to. Once you've done what you had to they'll never let you do what you want to. WAYNE Start fresh. SELINA There's no fresh start in today's world. Any twelve-year-old with a cell phone could find out what you did. Everything we do is collated and quantified. Everything sticks. We are the sum of our mistakes. 44. WAYNE Or our achievements. SELINA The mistakes stick better. Trust me. WAYNE You think that justifies stealing? SELINA I take what I need to from those who have more than enough. I don't stand on the shoulders of people with less. WAYNE Robin Hood? SELINA I'd do more to help someone than most of the people in this room. Than you. WAYNE Maybe you're assuming too much. SELINA Or maybe you're being unrealistic about what's really in your pants other than your wallet. WAYNE Ouch. SELINA You think all this can last? Wayne glances around at the sumptuous party. SELINA There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits you're all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little to the rest of us. WAYNE Sounds like you're looking forward to it. 45. SELINA I'm adaptable. WAYNE These pearls do look better on you then they did in my safe... Wayne rolls her into his shoulder - reaches up to the back of her neck, unclasps the necklace. But I still can't let you keep them. The pearls slide off her neck into his other hand. Selina looks at him. Angry. Then kisses him, hard, and disappears into the crowd. Wayne's cane reappears. RICH TWIT (ANNOYED) You scared her off. WAYNE Not likely. EXT. MUSEUM - MOMENTS LATER Wayne approaches the Valet. Pats down his pockets. WAYNE I must have lost my ticket - VALET Your wife said you were taking a cab home, sir. WAYNE My wife? INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI RACING DOWN STREETS - CONTINUOUS Selina permits herself a little smile as she guns the engine. INT. ROLLS ROYCE - LATER Alfred watches in the mirror as Wayne climbs into the back. ALFRED Just you, sir? Wayne gives him a withering glare. (MORE) 46. ALFRED (CONT'D) Don't worry, Master Wayne. Takes a little time to get back into the swing of things. Wayne dials his phone. FOX (O.S.) This is Fox. WAYNE Remember those 'unusual requests' I used to make? FOX (O.S.) I knew it! Up front, Alfred listens. Concerned. INT. BATCAVE - DAY Wayne pushes a button on a hi-tech carbon fiber brace strapped to his good knee - the brace tones. As Wayne starts moving his knee, bending, stretching, Alfred puts down a Thermos. ALFRED You've got the wrong leg, sir. WAYNE You start with the good limb so it learns your optimum muscle patterns. Wayne swaps the brace to his bad knee. Puts his weight on it - the knee bends, kicks. He sits again. Cautious. Now we tighten it up. Wayne gingerly pushes a button - the brace starts to shrink tight to his leg, digging in. Wayne grits his teeth. ALFRED It is terribly painful? WAYNE (GRITTED TEETH) You're welcome to try it, Alfred. ALFRED Happy watching, thank you, sir. Wayne shouts as the brace clicks home. He gets to his feet. 47. WAYNE Not bad - Wayne executes a perfect roundhouse, knocking out a brick. Not bad at all. Alfred picks up the brick. Considers it. Uneasy. He follows Wayne across the bridge to the cube. ALFRED Master Wayne, if you're considering going back out there you need to hear some rumors surrounding Bane. WAYNE I'm all ears. ALFRED There is a prison. In a more ancient part of the world. A pit. Where men are thrown to suffer and die. But sometimes, a man rises from the darkness. Sometimes...the pit sends something back. WAYNE Bane. ALFRED Born and raised in a hell on earth. WAYNE Born in a prison? ALFRED No one knows why. Or how he escaped. But they know who trained him one he did...R 's al Gh l. Your A U mentor. Wayne takes this in. Shocked. ALFRED He plucked Bane from a dark corner of the earth and trained him in the blackest disciplines of combat, deception and endurance. Just like you. WAYNE Bane was a member of the League of Shadows. 48. ALFRED Until he was excommunicated. And a man considered too extreme for R 's A al Gh l is not to be trifled with. U WAYNE I didn't realize I was known for trifling with criminals. ALFRED That was then. And you can strap up your leg and put the mask back on. But it won't make you what you were. WAYNE Which was? ALFRED Someone whose anger at death made him value all life. Even his own. WAYNE If this man is all the things you say he is, then this city needs me. The Batsuit emerges from the cube. ALFRED Yes, this city needs Bruce Wayne. Your resources, your knowledge...not your body. Not your life. That time has passed. WAYNE I tried helping as Bruce Wayne, Alfred. And I failed. ALFRED You can fail as Bruce Wayne. As Batman, you can't afford to. WAYNE That's what you're afraid of - that if I go back out there I'll fail. ALFRED No. I'm afraid that you want to. Wayne looks at Alfred. Then turns to examine the Batsuit. 49. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - EVENING A frenzy of trading on the packed floor... Two Traders sit on a shoeshine stand in the lobby. TRADER 2 You can't short the stock because Bruce Wayne goes to a party - TRADER 1 Wayne coming back is change. Change is either good or bad. TRADER 2 On what basis? TRADER 1 I flipped a coin. Near the front entrance: a Food Delivery Guy is standing there negotiating with a Trader. TRADER 3 No. Rye. I told 'em rye. Trader 3 spots bad news on a screen. Alright, I'll take it. He thrusts Food Guy a tip and grabs the bag, distracted... At the rear secure entrance: a Motorcycle Courier enters, wearing his helmet - a Female Security Guard gets in his face. FEMALE SECURITY GUARD Rookie! Lose the helmet! (Points at a camera.) We need faces for cameras. In the rest room: a Janitor mops the floor, shifting out of the way of two Traders who rush in to pee. At the shoeshine stand, Trader 1 waves a bill down at the man shining his shoes without a glance. Shoeshine Man takes the bill, then, as the Traders step off, he reaches into a gym bag and checks an automatic weapon. He clicks the slide home, then hoists the gym bag and heads for the trading floor. At the secure entrance: the Courier pulls off his helmet. The Female Security Guard's eyes go wide. 50. In the rest room: the Janitor reaches into his bucket and pulls out a machine pistol in a Ziploc bag. Near the front entrance: Food Guy pulls an automatic pistol - clubs Trader 3 with it, pastrami flying. Shoeshine Man moves onto the floor, pulls out his weapon. Under the Courier's helmet - a mask. Bane. He grabs the Female Security Guard and throws her into her colleagues, lashing out in four directions with rapidfire lethality. Shoeshine Man fires into the large trading screens. The floor erupts into a different frenzy - traders hit the deck, screaming. Bane moves onto the floor... TRADER 1 This is a stock exchange, there's no money you can steal - He dries up as Bane stops. Turns to him... BANE Why else would you people be here? Bane grabs Trader 1 by the throat and drags him across the floor to an online automated trades terminal... He puts the man's thumb onto the print reader - the screen lights up. BANE Enter your password. Or I send these men to your home. Trader 1, terrified, types in his password. Outside, sirens. Shoeshine man pulls out a USB drive with an antenna - plugs it into the computer - figures race across the screen... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Police vehicles screech into the narrow street - construction vehicles are blocking. Blake argues with a burly Construction Worker. BLAKE Move it, now! We've got a situation. CONSTRUCTION WORKER Where can I move it?! BLAKE That way! Blake points - but SWAT vehicles pile in, blocking. 51. BLAKE Get in your vehicle and stay there! Foley and the SWAT Commander, Allen, approach the entrance. The Market Security Chief walks up, frantic. SECURITY CHIEF You've gotta get in there! FOLEY This is a hostage situation - SECURITY CHIEF It's a robbery! They've got direct access to the online trading desk. FOLEY I'm not risking my men for your MONEY - SECURITY CHIEF It's not our money, it's everyone's! ALLEN Really? Mine's in my mattress. SECURITY CHIEF If you don't shut these guys down, the stuffing in that mattress might be worth a whole lot less, pal. FOLEY Cut the fiber line - shut down the cell tower. That'll slow them down. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Shoeshine Man looks up from the laptop. SHOESHINE MAN They cut the fiber. Cell's working. BANE For now. How much longer does the program need? SHOESHINE MAN Eight minutes. 52. BANE Time to go mobile. Shoeshine Man picks up the laptop, slips it into his pack... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Allen shouts at his men. ALLEN Get the barriers up - no more in and out on this street! Steel wedge-shaped barriers rise up at the mouth of the street. A Sniper watches the doors through a thermal scope. Six large heat signatures bloom, too big for people... SNIPER I've got something - The door explodes. SWATs duck, six sportbikes race out and leap the ramp-like barricades, sending SWATs scattering. Cops scramble to pull their vehicles out to give chase. EXT. GOTHAM STREET - CONTINUOUS The bikes weave through traffic, Traders strapped to the back, facing backwards - screaming, ties flying in the wind. A cruiser falls in behind. ROOKIE COP Shoot the tires! A Veteran Cop sights a shot, but the Traders are in the way. VETERAN COP No shot! EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Foley is barking into his radio. FOLEY Back off, back off! They've got hostages! 53. INT./EXT. CRUISER ON GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS The cruiser follows the bike into a large tunnel. A Rookie Cop looks up into his rear-view. ROOKIE COP What's going on with the lights? The Veteran Cop looks back - streetlights and headlights are dying one after another. The darkness is chasing them - the darkness hits them. Their lights, sirens, and engine die... And, out of the silence, a dark shape roars past - VETERAN COP It can't be... ROOKIE COP The hell was that?! VETERAN COP Oh boy. You're in for a show tonight, son. EXT. HIGHWAY - CONTINUOUS Food Guy drives the rear bike. He looks back - sees streetlights explode behind him - darkness catching him up. The engine chokes and dies.

comes

How many times the word 'comes' appears in the text?

- CONTINUOUS The SWATs return fire. The Thugs lay down cover fire, then race around a corner into a smaller passage. A cop car pulls up, blocking the mouth of the alley - Gordon jumps out, gun drawn. The SWATs approach the passage, massing on both corners tactically. The two corner SWATs exchange hand signals, counting down... They round the corner, aiming low and high. The passage is empty. The SWATs cover a fire escape, but Gordon spots at once - GORDON Manhole! He races to the manhole cover - SWATs wrench off the cover, Gordon grabs a flashlight from the nearest SWAT. GORDON You three, down with me. You two, head down to cover the next exit - SWAT Where -? GORDON Get the DWP down here, now! Gordon starts climbing down the ladder... INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon moves down the tunnel, flashlight low. Three SWATs fall in behind... 27. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake comes into the alley. Cops surround the manhole. COP Where's the DWP guy? BLAKE They went down there? FOLEY (shaking his head) And Gordon took SWAT in after them. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon hears a noise up ahead - pushes forward, rounds the corner. BANG! GUNFIRE. SWATs return fire, shots sparking off the concrete walls, then - BOOM - behind him the tunnel ERUPTS IN FIRE, blasting the SWATs. Gordon races forward, tearing through the tunnels. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake jumps back as a fireball bursts out of the manhole. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon races around a corner, gun drawn. A noise makes him turn - WHACK, he is clobbered from behind by a Thug. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake pushes forward. BLAKE Come on, we gotta get down there - COP That was a gas explosion, kid - BLAKE Gas? This is a sewer! FOLEY No one goes in there till we know what's down there. 28. BLAKE We know what's down there, sir. The Police Commissioner! FOLEY Somebody get the hothead out of here. And get me a DWP guy! Blake backs off. Gets an idea - goes for his patrol car. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Thug 1 flips Gordon onto his back. THUG 1 This one's alive. (Looks closer.) Jesus. It's the Police Commissioner. THUG 2 What do we do? THUG 1 Take him to Bane. The two Thugs drag Gordon down through the maze of tunnels. As they descend deeper they encounter work crews of muscular men wielding large drills and jackhammers, working the walls and ceiling of the larger tunnels. Some of the men are armed Mercenaries, overseeing gangs of homeless street kids. They stare as Gordon is dragged past. The Thugs drag Gordon between two waterfalls, into - INT. BANE'S LAIR, SEWERS - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT) They approach a figure, turned away, crouched in the firelight. Bare-chested, muscular, masked. Bane. A crooked line of scar tissue runs the length of his spine... BANE Why are you here? The Thugs drop Gordon at Bane's feet. THUG 1 Answer him! Bane slowly turns to the Thugs. 29. BANE I'm asking you. THUG 1 It's the Police Commissioner. BANE And you brought him down here? THUG 2 We didn't know what to do. We - BANE You panicked. And your weakness costs three lives. THUG 1 No, he's alone - Bane flips the Thug's chin up and to the side with a crack. Thug 1 drops. Bane turns to Thug 2. BANE Search him. Then I will kill you. The Thug, terrified, pulls out Gordon's badge, wallet, gun...and the folded papers of the speech he did not read. Bane takes these one by one with quick glances. He stops at the papers. Unfolds them... As he reads, Gordon rolls off the steps, dropping into the rushing flow of water - gunshots ring out... THUG 2 He's dead. Thug 2 trails off as Bane looks up from the papers... BANE Then show me his body. THUG 2 That water runs to any one of the outflows - we'd never find him. Bane turns to the Lead Mercenary. BANE Give me your GPS. Lead Mercenary hands him a GPS - Bane tucks it into Thug 2's jacket, zips it up like a mother sending her kid to school. 30. BANE Follow him. THUG 2 Follow him? Bane shoots Thug 2, kicks him into the water. Turns to Lead Mercenary. BANE Track him. Make sure both bodies will not be found. Then brick up the south tunnel. EXT. WATER TREATMENT FACILITY - NIGHT Blake comes out to the catchment basin. He spots something stuck up against the grille, thrusts his hand into the raging waters - Gordon is there, alive. Just. Blake pulls him up onto the concrete, hoists him up, hurrying... INT. FRONT HALL, WAYNE MANOR - DAY Alfred opens the door to reveal Blake in his dirty uniform. BLAKE I need to see Bruce Wayne. ALFRED I'm sorry, Mr. Wayne doesn't take unscheduled calls. Even from police officers. BLAKE And if I go get a warrant, in the investigation of Harvey Dent's murder? Would that still count as unscheduled? INT. STUDY, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Blake is sitting, drumming his leg, nervous. Wayne enters. WAYNE What can I do for you, officer? BLAKE Commissioner Gordon's been shot. 31. WAYNE I'm sorry to hear that - BLAKE He chased a gunman down into the sewers. When I pulled him out he was babbling about an underground army. A masked man called 'Bane'. WAYNE Shouldn't you be telling this to your superior officers? BLAKE I did. One of them asked if he saw any giant alligators down there. He needs you. He needs the Batman. WAYNE If Commissioner Gordon thinks I'm the Batman he must be in a bad way - BLAKE He doesn't know or care who you are. (Off look.) But we've met before. When I was a kid. At the orphanage. See, my mom died when I was small. Car accident, I don't really remember it. But a couple of years later my dad was shot over a gambling debt. I remember that just fine. (Looks at Wayne.) Not a lot of people who know what it feels like, do they? To be angry. In your bones. People understand, foster parents understand. For a while. Then they expect the angry kid to do what he knows he can never do. To move on. To forget. Wayne stares at Blake. BLAKE So they stopped understanding and sent the angry kid to a boys' home - St. Swithin's. Used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation. See, I figured it out too late. You have to hide the anger. Practice smiling in the mirror. Like putting on a mask. You showed up one day in a cool car, pretty girl on your arm. (MORE) 32. BLAKE (CONT'D) We were so excited - Bruce Wayne, billionaire orphan. We made up stories about you. Legends. The other boys' stories were just that. But when I saw you I knew who you really were... (Beat.) I'd seen that look on your face. Same one I taught myself. Blake gets up to leave. Wayne is lost in thought. BLAKE I don't know why you took the fall for Dent's murder, but I'm still a believer in the Batman. Even if you're not. WAYNE Why did you say your boys' home used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation? BLAKE Because the money stopped. Might be time to get some fresh air and start paying attention to the details. Some of those details might need your help. INT. HALL, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Wayne and Alfred watch Blake drive away. WAYNE You checked that name? 'Bane' - ALFRED Ran it through some databases. He's a mercenary. No other known name. Never been seen or photographed without a mask. He and his men were behind a coup in West Africa that secured mining operations for our friend John Daggett. WAYNE Now Daggett's brought them here? ALFRED It would seem so. I'll keep digging. 33. Alfred turns to leave. WAYNE Why did the Wayne Foundation stop funding boys' homes in the city? ALFRED The Foundation is funded from the profits of Wayne Enterprises... (Off look.) There have to be some. WAYNE Time to talk to Mr. Fox, I think. ALFRED I'll get him on the phone - WAYNE No. Do we still have any cars around the place? ALFRED (LIGHTS UP) One or two. WAYNE And I need an appointment at the hospital. About my leg. ALFRED Which hospital, sir? WAYNE Whichever one Jim Gordon's in. Alfred is less excited by this part of the request. EXT. WAYNE ENTERPRISES - DAY Moving towards the tall skyscraper downtown. MIRANDA (V.O.) Mr. Fox, I believe in what Mr. Wayne was trying to do... INT. BOARDROOM, WAYNE ENTERPRISES - CONTINUOUS Miranda is talking to Lucius Fox at the table. 34. MIRANDA I'm only asking for explanations because I think I can help. FOX I'll pass along your request. Next time I see him. Miranda catches something in this. MIRANDA He doesn't talk to you either? FOX Let's just say that Bruce Wayne has his...eccentricities. MIRANDA (RISING) Mr. Fox, are you aware that John Daggett is trying to acquire shares in Wayne Enterprises? FOX I was not. But it wouldn't do him any good - Mr. Wayne still retains a clear majority. Miranda leaves. Fox moves into his office - stops. FOX Bruce Wayne. As I live and breathe. Wayne rises, pushing hard on his cane. FOX What brings you out of cryo-sleep Mr. Wayne? WAYNE I see you haven't lost your sense of humor...even if you have lost most of my money. FOX Actually, you did that yourself. See, if you funnel the entire R and D budget for five years into a fusion project that you then mothball, your company is unlikely to thrive. 35. WAYNE Even with - FOX A wildly sophisticated CEO, yes. Wayne Enterprises is running out of time. And Daggett is moving in. WAYNE What're my options? FOX If you're not willing to turn your machine on - WAYNE I can't, Lucius. FOX Then sit tight. Your majority keeps Daggett at arm's length while we figure out a future for the energy program with Miranda Tate - she's supported your project all the way. She's smart, and quite lovely. WAYNE You too, Lucius? FOX We all just want what's best for you, Bruce. Show her the machine. WAYNE I'll think it over. FOX Anything else? WAYNE No, why? FOX These conversations always used to end with some...unusual requests. WAYNE I retired. FOX Let me show you some stuff, anyway. Fox hits a button - the bookcase opens into a hidden elevator. 36. INT. APPLIED SCIENCES - MOMENTS LATER Fox leads Wayne into the vast, gadget-filled space. They pass Tumblers with different weapons configurations... WAYNE I figured you'd have shut this place down. FOX It was always shut down, officially. WAYNE But all this new stuff? FOX After your father died, Wayne Enterprises set up fourteen different defense subsidiaries. I've spent years shuttering them and consolidating all the prototypes under one roof. My roof. WAYNE Why? FOX Stop them falling into the wrong hands. Besides, I thought someone might get some use out of them... Wayne shakes his head. FOX Sure I can't tempt you to something? Pneumatic crampons? Infrared lenses? Least let me get you something for that leg. WAYNE It's fine the use it gets these days. FOX Well, then I have just the thing for an eccentric billionaire who doesn't like to walk... Fox opens a door - we glimpse a sleek vehicle. Wayne's eyes light up. 37. WAYNE Now you're just showing off. FOX Defense Department project for tight-geometry urban pacification. Rotors configured for maneuvering between buildings without recirculation. WAYNE What's it called? FOX It has a long and uninteresting Wayne Enterprises designation. So I took to calling it the Bat. And yes, Mr. Wayne, it does come in black. Wayne touches its sleek side. Marveling. FOX Works great except for the autopilot. WAYNE What's wrong with that? FOX Software-based instability. Take a better mind than mine to fix it. WAYNE Better mind? FOX I was trying to be modest. A less busy mind. Yours, perhaps. Wayne looks wistfully at the machine. Turns away. WAYNE I told you. I retired, Lucius. INT. EXAMINATION ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - NIGHT Wayne listens, distracted, while a Doctor examines an X-ray. DOCTOR I've seen worse cartilage in knees - 38. WAYNE That's good - DOCTOR No, that's because there is no cartilage in your knee. And not much of any use in your elbows and shoulders. Between that and the scar tissue on your kidneys, residual concussive damage to your brain tissue and general scarred-over quality of your body... (Takes a deep breath.) I cannot recommend that you go heli-skiing. About the only part of your body that looks healthy is your liver, so if you're bored I recommend you take up drinking, Mr. Wayne. Wayne smiles. The Doctor leaves. Wayne pulls on a ski mask, steps to the window, hops up, pulls a wire from his cane, which he clips to his belt. He props his cane behind the frame - jumps out. The wire unspools from the cane as - EXT. TENTH FLOOR, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS Wayne drops three floors... INT. PRIVATE ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL - CONTINUOUS Gordon lies in his bed, hooked up to machines. Wayne, in ski mask, stands over him. Gordon's eyes flutter open. He tries to speak with a weak, hoarse voice... GORDON We were in this together. Then you were gone... WAYNE The Batman wasn't needed anymore. We won. GORDON Built on a lie. Our lie. Now there's evil rising from where we tried to bury it. Nobody will listen... The Batman has to come back. 39. WAYNE What if he doesn't exist anymore? GORDON He must. He must. INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI ON GOTHAM STREETS - NIGHT Wayne pulls up in front of a row of shabby subdivided town houses. Checks a tracking device. Jon, provocatively dressed, leads a Yuppie Banker-type in through a front door. INT. SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Selina sits in a small room getting ready to go out. She picks up the pearls - hears a disturbance in the hall. JEN (O.S.) I told you - money first - YUPPIE (O.S.) Goddammit, you took my wallet! INT. STAIRWELL OUTSIDE SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS The Yuppie has Jen against the wall - he reaches back to hit her with an expensive wristwatch-clad arm. But Selina has grabbed his wrist with a powerful grip. SELINA Get out. YUPPIE She took my wallet! Selina twists his arm behind him in a blinding move. SELINA Now. She releases the Yuppie, who moves off down the stairs. Selina turns to Jen. Who is examining a wallet. SELINA I told you not to try it with the assholes, Jen. JEN They're all assholes. 40. SELINA Okay, the assholes who hit. JEN I don't know what he's so upset about, he only had sixty bucks in here. SELINA Probably the watch. YOUNG WOMAN Watch? Selina opens her hand and gives Jen the Yuppie's Rolex. EXT. SELINA'S BUILDING, OLD TOWN, GOTHAM - LATER Selina exits and hails a cab. Wayne watches her go. Then pulls out. Checking his tracker. EXT. MUSEUM, GOTHAM - LATER Town cars dispense Gotham society in tasteful masquerade. Wayne pulls up to the Valet. Paparazzi line the entrance. Wayne uses his cane to get out of his Lamborghini... PAPARAZZI Another stiff too old to climb out of his sports car. PAPARAZZI 2 No, that's Bruce Wayne! Hey, Wayne, where you been hiding? Lenses swing onto Wayne, who pushes a button on his key fob - a pulse. The cameras die. Wayne heads to the door. WAYNE I'm not sure if my assistant put me on the guest list - GREETER Right through here, Mr. Wayne... 41. INT. MUSEUM - CONTINUOUS A lavish ball - the expressively attired dance under falling confetti... Even Bruce Wayne is struck by the ostentation. He spots Selina dancing with a deeply smitten Rich Twit. She wears a small, velvet pair of cat ears. And the pearls. MIRANDA (O.S) Bruce Wayne at a charity ball? Wayne turns to find Miranda Tate, amazed, a small mask her only concession to fancy dress. WAYNE Miss Tate, isn't it? MIRANDA Even before you became a recluse, you never came to these things... WAYNE True. Proceeds go to the big fat spread, not the cause. It's not about charity, it's about feeding the ego of whichever society hag laid it on. MIRANDA Actually, this is my party, Mr. Wayne. WAYNE Oh. MIRANDA And the proceeds will go where they should, because I paid for the big fat spread myself. WAYNE That's very generous of you. MIRANDA You have to invest to restore balance to the world. Take our clean-energy project... WAYNE Sometimes the investment doesn't pay off. Sorry. 42. MIRANDA You have a practiced apathy, Mr. Wayne. But a man who doesn't care about the world doesn't spend half his fortune on a plan to save it... (Gentle.) And isn't so wounded when it fails that he goes into hiding... Wayne looks at Miranda. Intrigued. MIRANDA Have a good evening, Mr. Wayne. Wayne watches Miranda glide away. Then turns to Selina. WAYNE Mind if I cut in? Rich Twit turns, annoyed - Wayne hands him his cane. Takes Selina by the waist. She glares at him. WAYNE You don't seem very happy to see me. SELINA You were supposed to be a shut-in. WAYNE Felt like some fresh air. SELINA Why didn't you call the police? WAYNE I have a powerful friend who deals with this kind of thing. (Admires her cat ears.) Brazen costume for a cat burglar. SELINA Yeah? Who are you pretending to be? WAYNE Bruce Wayne, eccentric billionaire. Who's your date? SELINA His wife's in Ibiza. She left her diamonds behind, though. Worried they'd get stolen. 43. WAYNE It's pronounced 'Ibeetha'. You wouldn't want these folks realizing you're a crook not a social climber. SELINA (flash of anger) You think I care what anyone in this room thinks about me? WAYNE I doubt you care what anyone in this room thinks about you. SELINA Don't condescend, Mr. Wayne. You don't know a thing about me. WAYNE Well, Selina Kyle, I know you came here from your walk-up in Old Town - modest place for a master jewel thief. Which means either you're saving for your retirement - or you're in deep with the wrong people. SELINA You don't get to judge me because you were born in the master bedroom of Wayne Manor. WAYNE Actually, I was born in the Regency Room. SELINA I started off doing what I had to. Once you've done what you had to they'll never let you do what you want to. WAYNE Start fresh. SELINA There's no fresh start in today's world. Any twelve-year-old with a cell phone could find out what you did. Everything we do is collated and quantified. Everything sticks. We are the sum of our mistakes. 44. WAYNE Or our achievements. SELINA The mistakes stick better. Trust me. WAYNE You think that justifies stealing? SELINA I take what I need to from those who have more than enough. I don't stand on the shoulders of people with less. WAYNE Robin Hood? SELINA I'd do more to help someone than most of the people in this room. Than you. WAYNE Maybe you're assuming too much. SELINA Or maybe you're being unrealistic about what's really in your pants other than your wallet. WAYNE Ouch. SELINA You think all this can last? Wayne glances around at the sumptuous party. SELINA There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits you're all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little to the rest of us. WAYNE Sounds like you're looking forward to it. 45. SELINA I'm adaptable. WAYNE These pearls do look better on you then they did in my safe... Wayne rolls her into his shoulder - reaches up to the back of her neck, unclasps the necklace. But I still can't let you keep them. The pearls slide off her neck into his other hand. Selina looks at him. Angry. Then kisses him, hard, and disappears into the crowd. Wayne's cane reappears. RICH TWIT (ANNOYED) You scared her off. WAYNE Not likely. EXT. MUSEUM - MOMENTS LATER Wayne approaches the Valet. Pats down his pockets. WAYNE I must have lost my ticket - VALET Your wife said you were taking a cab home, sir. WAYNE My wife? INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI RACING DOWN STREETS - CONTINUOUS Selina permits herself a little smile as she guns the engine. INT. ROLLS ROYCE - LATER Alfred watches in the mirror as Wayne climbs into the back. ALFRED Just you, sir? Wayne gives him a withering glare. (MORE) 46. ALFRED (CONT'D) Don't worry, Master Wayne. Takes a little time to get back into the swing of things. Wayne dials his phone. FOX (O.S.) This is Fox. WAYNE Remember those 'unusual requests' I used to make? FOX (O.S.) I knew it! Up front, Alfred listens. Concerned. INT. BATCAVE - DAY Wayne pushes a button on a hi-tech carbon fiber brace strapped to his good knee - the brace tones. As Wayne starts moving his knee, bending, stretching, Alfred puts down a Thermos. ALFRED You've got the wrong leg, sir. WAYNE You start with the good limb so it learns your optimum muscle patterns. Wayne swaps the brace to his bad knee. Puts his weight on it - the knee bends, kicks. He sits again. Cautious. Now we tighten it up. Wayne gingerly pushes a button - the brace starts to shrink tight to his leg, digging in. Wayne grits his teeth. ALFRED It is terribly painful? WAYNE (GRITTED TEETH) You're welcome to try it, Alfred. ALFRED Happy watching, thank you, sir. Wayne shouts as the brace clicks home. He gets to his feet. 47. WAYNE Not bad - Wayne executes a perfect roundhouse, knocking out a brick. Not bad at all. Alfred picks up the brick. Considers it. Uneasy. He follows Wayne across the bridge to the cube. ALFRED Master Wayne, if you're considering going back out there you need to hear some rumors surrounding Bane. WAYNE I'm all ears. ALFRED There is a prison. In a more ancient part of the world. A pit. Where men are thrown to suffer and die. But sometimes, a man rises from the darkness. Sometimes...the pit sends something back. WAYNE Bane. ALFRED Born and raised in a hell on earth. WAYNE Born in a prison? ALFRED No one knows why. Or how he escaped. But they know who trained him one he did...R 's al Gh l. Your A U mentor. Wayne takes this in. Shocked. ALFRED He plucked Bane from a dark corner of the earth and trained him in the blackest disciplines of combat, deception and endurance. Just like you. WAYNE Bane was a member of the League of Shadows. 48. ALFRED Until he was excommunicated. And a man considered too extreme for R 's A al Gh l is not to be trifled with. U WAYNE I didn't realize I was known for trifling with criminals. ALFRED That was then. And you can strap up your leg and put the mask back on. But it won't make you what you were. WAYNE Which was? ALFRED Someone whose anger at death made him value all life. Even his own. WAYNE If this man is all the things you say he is, then this city needs me. The Batsuit emerges from the cube. ALFRED Yes, this city needs Bruce Wayne. Your resources, your knowledge...not your body. Not your life. That time has passed. WAYNE I tried helping as Bruce Wayne, Alfred. And I failed. ALFRED You can fail as Bruce Wayne. As Batman, you can't afford to. WAYNE That's what you're afraid of - that if I go back out there I'll fail. ALFRED No. I'm afraid that you want to. Wayne looks at Alfred. Then turns to examine the Batsuit. 49. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - EVENING A frenzy of trading on the packed floor... Two Traders sit on a shoeshine stand in the lobby. TRADER 2 You can't short the stock because Bruce Wayne goes to a party - TRADER 1 Wayne coming back is change. Change is either good or bad. TRADER 2 On what basis? TRADER 1 I flipped a coin. Near the front entrance: a Food Delivery Guy is standing there negotiating with a Trader. TRADER 3 No. Rye. I told 'em rye. Trader 3 spots bad news on a screen. Alright, I'll take it. He thrusts Food Guy a tip and grabs the bag, distracted... At the rear secure entrance: a Motorcycle Courier enters, wearing his helmet - a Female Security Guard gets in his face. FEMALE SECURITY GUARD Rookie! Lose the helmet! (Points at a camera.) We need faces for cameras. In the rest room: a Janitor mops the floor, shifting out of the way of two Traders who rush in to pee. At the shoeshine stand, Trader 1 waves a bill down at the man shining his shoes without a glance. Shoeshine Man takes the bill, then, as the Traders step off, he reaches into a gym bag and checks an automatic weapon. He clicks the slide home, then hoists the gym bag and heads for the trading floor. At the secure entrance: the Courier pulls off his helmet. The Female Security Guard's eyes go wide. 50. In the rest room: the Janitor reaches into his bucket and pulls out a machine pistol in a Ziploc bag. Near the front entrance: Food Guy pulls an automatic pistol - clubs Trader 3 with it, pastrami flying. Shoeshine Man moves onto the floor, pulls out his weapon. Under the Courier's helmet - a mask. Bane. He grabs the Female Security Guard and throws her into her colleagues, lashing out in four directions with rapidfire lethality. Shoeshine Man fires into the large trading screens. The floor erupts into a different frenzy - traders hit the deck, screaming. Bane moves onto the floor... TRADER 1 This is a stock exchange, there's no money you can steal - He dries up as Bane stops. Turns to him... BANE Why else would you people be here? Bane grabs Trader 1 by the throat and drags him across the floor to an online automated trades terminal... He puts the man's thumb onto the print reader - the screen lights up. BANE Enter your password. Or I send these men to your home. Trader 1, terrified, types in his password. Outside, sirens. Shoeshine man pulls out a USB drive with an antenna - plugs it into the computer - figures race across the screen... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Police vehicles screech into the narrow street - construction vehicles are blocking. Blake argues with a burly Construction Worker. BLAKE Move it, now! We've got a situation. CONSTRUCTION WORKER Where can I move it?! BLAKE That way! Blake points - but SWAT vehicles pile in, blocking. 51. BLAKE Get in your vehicle and stay there! Foley and the SWAT Commander, Allen, approach the entrance. The Market Security Chief walks up, frantic. SECURITY CHIEF You've gotta get in there! FOLEY This is a hostage situation - SECURITY CHIEF It's a robbery! They've got direct access to the online trading desk. FOLEY I'm not risking my men for your MONEY - SECURITY CHIEF It's not our money, it's everyone's! ALLEN Really? Mine's in my mattress. SECURITY CHIEF If you don't shut these guys down, the stuffing in that mattress might be worth a whole lot less, pal. FOLEY Cut the fiber line - shut down the cell tower. That'll slow them down. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Shoeshine Man looks up from the laptop. SHOESHINE MAN They cut the fiber. Cell's working. BANE For now. How much longer does the program need? SHOESHINE MAN Eight minutes. 52. BANE Time to go mobile. Shoeshine Man picks up the laptop, slips it into his pack... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Allen shouts at his men. ALLEN Get the barriers up - no more in and out on this street! Steel wedge-shaped barriers rise up at the mouth of the street. A Sniper watches the doors through a thermal scope. Six large heat signatures bloom, too big for people... SNIPER I've got something - The door explodes. SWATs duck, six sportbikes race out and leap the ramp-like barricades, sending SWATs scattering. Cops scramble to pull their vehicles out to give chase. EXT. GOTHAM STREET - CONTINUOUS The bikes weave through traffic, Traders strapped to the back, facing backwards - screaming, ties flying in the wind. A cruiser falls in behind. ROOKIE COP Shoot the tires! A Veteran Cop sights a shot, but the Traders are in the way. VETERAN COP No shot! EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Foley is barking into his radio. FOLEY Back off, back off! They've got hostages! 53. INT./EXT. CRUISER ON GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS The cruiser follows the bike into a large tunnel. A Rookie Cop looks up into his rear-view. ROOKIE COP What's going on with the lights? The Veteran Cop looks back - streetlights and headlights are dying one after another. The darkness is chasing them - the darkness hits them. Their lights, sirens, and engine die... And, out of the silence, a dark shape roars past - VETERAN COP It can't be... ROOKIE COP The hell was that?! VETERAN COP Oh boy. You're in for a show tonight, son. EXT. HIGHWAY - CONTINUOUS Food Guy drives the rear bike. He looks back - sees streetlights explode behind him - darkness catching him up. The engine chokes and dies.

report

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- CONTINUOUS The SWATs return fire. The Thugs lay down cover fire, then race around a corner into a smaller passage. A cop car pulls up, blocking the mouth of the alley - Gordon jumps out, gun drawn. The SWATs approach the passage, massing on both corners tactically. The two corner SWATs exchange hand signals, counting down... They round the corner, aiming low and high. The passage is empty. The SWATs cover a fire escape, but Gordon spots at once - GORDON Manhole! He races to the manhole cover - SWATs wrench off the cover, Gordon grabs a flashlight from the nearest SWAT. GORDON You three, down with me. You two, head down to cover the next exit - SWAT Where -? GORDON Get the DWP down here, now! Gordon starts climbing down the ladder... INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon moves down the tunnel, flashlight low. Three SWATs fall in behind... 27. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake comes into the alley. Cops surround the manhole. COP Where's the DWP guy? BLAKE They went down there? FOLEY (shaking his head) And Gordon took SWAT in after them. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon hears a noise up ahead - pushes forward, rounds the corner. BANG! GUNFIRE. SWATs return fire, shots sparking off the concrete walls, then - BOOM - behind him the tunnel ERUPTS IN FIRE, blasting the SWATs. Gordon races forward, tearing through the tunnels. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake jumps back as a fireball bursts out of the manhole. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon races around a corner, gun drawn. A noise makes him turn - WHACK, he is clobbered from behind by a Thug. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake pushes forward. BLAKE Come on, we gotta get down there - COP That was a gas explosion, kid - BLAKE Gas? This is a sewer! FOLEY No one goes in there till we know what's down there. 28. BLAKE We know what's down there, sir. The Police Commissioner! FOLEY Somebody get the hothead out of here. And get me a DWP guy! Blake backs off. Gets an idea - goes for his patrol car. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Thug 1 flips Gordon onto his back. THUG 1 This one's alive. (Looks closer.) Jesus. It's the Police Commissioner. THUG 2 What do we do? THUG 1 Take him to Bane. The two Thugs drag Gordon down through the maze of tunnels. As they descend deeper they encounter work crews of muscular men wielding large drills and jackhammers, working the walls and ceiling of the larger tunnels. Some of the men are armed Mercenaries, overseeing gangs of homeless street kids. They stare as Gordon is dragged past. The Thugs drag Gordon between two waterfalls, into - INT. BANE'S LAIR, SEWERS - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT) They approach a figure, turned away, crouched in the firelight. Bare-chested, muscular, masked. Bane. A crooked line of scar tissue runs the length of his spine... BANE Why are you here? The Thugs drop Gordon at Bane's feet. THUG 1 Answer him! Bane slowly turns to the Thugs. 29. BANE I'm asking you. THUG 1 It's the Police Commissioner. BANE And you brought him down here? THUG 2 We didn't know what to do. We - BANE You panicked. And your weakness costs three lives. THUG 1 No, he's alone - Bane flips the Thug's chin up and to the side with a crack. Thug 1 drops. Bane turns to Thug 2. BANE Search him. Then I will kill you. The Thug, terrified, pulls out Gordon's badge, wallet, gun...and the folded papers of the speech he did not read. Bane takes these one by one with quick glances. He stops at the papers. Unfolds them... As he reads, Gordon rolls off the steps, dropping into the rushing flow of water - gunshots ring out... THUG 2 He's dead. Thug 2 trails off as Bane looks up from the papers... BANE Then show me his body. THUG 2 That water runs to any one of the outflows - we'd never find him. Bane turns to the Lead Mercenary. BANE Give me your GPS. Lead Mercenary hands him a GPS - Bane tucks it into Thug 2's jacket, zips it up like a mother sending her kid to school. 30. BANE Follow him. THUG 2 Follow him? Bane shoots Thug 2, kicks him into the water. Turns to Lead Mercenary. BANE Track him. Make sure both bodies will not be found. Then brick up the south tunnel. EXT. WATER TREATMENT FACILITY - NIGHT Blake comes out to the catchment basin. He spots something stuck up against the grille, thrusts his hand into the raging waters - Gordon is there, alive. Just. Blake pulls him up onto the concrete, hoists him up, hurrying... INT. FRONT HALL, WAYNE MANOR - DAY Alfred opens the door to reveal Blake in his dirty uniform. BLAKE I need to see Bruce Wayne. ALFRED I'm sorry, Mr. Wayne doesn't take unscheduled calls. Even from police officers. BLAKE And if I go get a warrant, in the investigation of Harvey Dent's murder? Would that still count as unscheduled? INT. STUDY, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Blake is sitting, drumming his leg, nervous. Wayne enters. WAYNE What can I do for you, officer? BLAKE Commissioner Gordon's been shot. 31. WAYNE I'm sorry to hear that - BLAKE He chased a gunman down into the sewers. When I pulled him out he was babbling about an underground army. A masked man called 'Bane'. WAYNE Shouldn't you be telling this to your superior officers? BLAKE I did. One of them asked if he saw any giant alligators down there. He needs you. He needs the Batman. WAYNE If Commissioner Gordon thinks I'm the Batman he must be in a bad way - BLAKE He doesn't know or care who you are. (Off look.) But we've met before. When I was a kid. At the orphanage. See, my mom died when I was small. Car accident, I don't really remember it. But a couple of years later my dad was shot over a gambling debt. I remember that just fine. (Looks at Wayne.) Not a lot of people who know what it feels like, do they? To be angry. In your bones. People understand, foster parents understand. For a while. Then they expect the angry kid to do what he knows he can never do. To move on. To forget. Wayne stares at Blake. BLAKE So they stopped understanding and sent the angry kid to a boys' home - St. Swithin's. Used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation. See, I figured it out too late. You have to hide the anger. Practice smiling in the mirror. Like putting on a mask. You showed up one day in a cool car, pretty girl on your arm. (MORE) 32. BLAKE (CONT'D) We were so excited - Bruce Wayne, billionaire orphan. We made up stories about you. Legends. The other boys' stories were just that. But when I saw you I knew who you really were... (Beat.) I'd seen that look on your face. Same one I taught myself. Blake gets up to leave. Wayne is lost in thought. BLAKE I don't know why you took the fall for Dent's murder, but I'm still a believer in the Batman. Even if you're not. WAYNE Why did you say your boys' home used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation? BLAKE Because the money stopped. Might be time to get some fresh air and start paying attention to the details. Some of those details might need your help. INT. HALL, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Wayne and Alfred watch Blake drive away. WAYNE You checked that name? 'Bane' - ALFRED Ran it through some databases. He's a mercenary. No other known name. Never been seen or photographed without a mask. He and his men were behind a coup in West Africa that secured mining operations for our friend John Daggett. WAYNE Now Daggett's brought them here? ALFRED It would seem so. I'll keep digging. 33. Alfred turns to leave. WAYNE Why did the Wayne Foundation stop funding boys' homes in the city? ALFRED The Foundation is funded from the profits of Wayne Enterprises... (Off look.) There have to be some. WAYNE Time to talk to Mr. Fox, I think. ALFRED I'll get him on the phone - WAYNE No. Do we still have any cars around the place? ALFRED (LIGHTS UP) One or two. WAYNE And I need an appointment at the hospital. About my leg. ALFRED Which hospital, sir? WAYNE Whichever one Jim Gordon's in. Alfred is less excited by this part of the request. EXT. WAYNE ENTERPRISES - DAY Moving towards the tall skyscraper downtown. MIRANDA (V.O.) Mr. Fox, I believe in what Mr. Wayne was trying to do... INT. BOARDROOM, WAYNE ENTERPRISES - CONTINUOUS Miranda is talking to Lucius Fox at the table. 34. MIRANDA I'm only asking for explanations because I think I can help. FOX I'll pass along your request. Next time I see him. Miranda catches something in this. MIRANDA He doesn't talk to you either? FOX Let's just say that Bruce Wayne has his...eccentricities. MIRANDA (RISING) Mr. Fox, are you aware that John Daggett is trying to acquire shares in Wayne Enterprises? FOX I was not. But it wouldn't do him any good - Mr. Wayne still retains a clear majority. Miranda leaves. Fox moves into his office - stops. FOX Bruce Wayne. As I live and breathe. Wayne rises, pushing hard on his cane. FOX What brings you out of cryo-sleep Mr. Wayne? WAYNE I see you haven't lost your sense of humor...even if you have lost most of my money. FOX Actually, you did that yourself. See, if you funnel the entire R and D budget for five years into a fusion project that you then mothball, your company is unlikely to thrive. 35. WAYNE Even with - FOX A wildly sophisticated CEO, yes. Wayne Enterprises is running out of time. And Daggett is moving in. WAYNE What're my options? FOX If you're not willing to turn your machine on - WAYNE I can't, Lucius. FOX Then sit tight. Your majority keeps Daggett at arm's length while we figure out a future for the energy program with Miranda Tate - she's supported your project all the way. She's smart, and quite lovely. WAYNE You too, Lucius? FOX We all just want what's best for you, Bruce. Show her the machine. WAYNE I'll think it over. FOX Anything else? WAYNE No, why? FOX These conversations always used to end with some...unusual requests. WAYNE I retired. FOX Let me show you some stuff, anyway. Fox hits a button - the bookcase opens into a hidden elevator. 36. INT. APPLIED SCIENCES - MOMENTS LATER Fox leads Wayne into the vast, gadget-filled space. They pass Tumblers with different weapons configurations... WAYNE I figured you'd have shut this place down. FOX It was always shut down, officially. WAYNE But all this new stuff? FOX After your father died, Wayne Enterprises set up fourteen different defense subsidiaries. I've spent years shuttering them and consolidating all the prototypes under one roof. My roof. WAYNE Why? FOX Stop them falling into the wrong hands. Besides, I thought someone might get some use out of them... Wayne shakes his head. FOX Sure I can't tempt you to something? Pneumatic crampons? Infrared lenses? Least let me get you something for that leg. WAYNE It's fine the use it gets these days. FOX Well, then I have just the thing for an eccentric billionaire who doesn't like to walk... Fox opens a door - we glimpse a sleek vehicle. Wayne's eyes light up. 37. WAYNE Now you're just showing off. FOX Defense Department project for tight-geometry urban pacification. Rotors configured for maneuvering between buildings without recirculation. WAYNE What's it called? FOX It has a long and uninteresting Wayne Enterprises designation. So I took to calling it the Bat. And yes, Mr. Wayne, it does come in black. Wayne touches its sleek side. Marveling. FOX Works great except for the autopilot. WAYNE What's wrong with that? FOX Software-based instability. Take a better mind than mine to fix it. WAYNE Better mind? FOX I was trying to be modest. A less busy mind. Yours, perhaps. Wayne looks wistfully at the machine. Turns away. WAYNE I told you. I retired, Lucius. INT. EXAMINATION ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - NIGHT Wayne listens, distracted, while a Doctor examines an X-ray. DOCTOR I've seen worse cartilage in knees - 38. WAYNE That's good - DOCTOR No, that's because there is no cartilage in your knee. And not much of any use in your elbows and shoulders. Between that and the scar tissue on your kidneys, residual concussive damage to your brain tissue and general scarred-over quality of your body... (Takes a deep breath.) I cannot recommend that you go heli-skiing. About the only part of your body that looks healthy is your liver, so if you're bored I recommend you take up drinking, Mr. Wayne. Wayne smiles. The Doctor leaves. Wayne pulls on a ski mask, steps to the window, hops up, pulls a wire from his cane, which he clips to his belt. He props his cane behind the frame - jumps out. The wire unspools from the cane as - EXT. TENTH FLOOR, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS Wayne drops three floors... INT. PRIVATE ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL - CONTINUOUS Gordon lies in his bed, hooked up to machines. Wayne, in ski mask, stands over him. Gordon's eyes flutter open. He tries to speak with a weak, hoarse voice... GORDON We were in this together. Then you were gone... WAYNE The Batman wasn't needed anymore. We won. GORDON Built on a lie. Our lie. Now there's evil rising from where we tried to bury it. Nobody will listen... The Batman has to come back. 39. WAYNE What if he doesn't exist anymore? GORDON He must. He must. INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI ON GOTHAM STREETS - NIGHT Wayne pulls up in front of a row of shabby subdivided town houses. Checks a tracking device. Jon, provocatively dressed, leads a Yuppie Banker-type in through a front door. INT. SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Selina sits in a small room getting ready to go out. She picks up the pearls - hears a disturbance in the hall. JEN (O.S.) I told you - money first - YUPPIE (O.S.) Goddammit, you took my wallet! INT. STAIRWELL OUTSIDE SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS The Yuppie has Jen against the wall - he reaches back to hit her with an expensive wristwatch-clad arm. But Selina has grabbed his wrist with a powerful grip. SELINA Get out. YUPPIE She took my wallet! Selina twists his arm behind him in a blinding move. SELINA Now. She releases the Yuppie, who moves off down the stairs. Selina turns to Jen. Who is examining a wallet. SELINA I told you not to try it with the assholes, Jen. JEN They're all assholes. 40. SELINA Okay, the assholes who hit. JEN I don't know what he's so upset about, he only had sixty bucks in here. SELINA Probably the watch. YOUNG WOMAN Watch? Selina opens her hand and gives Jen the Yuppie's Rolex. EXT. SELINA'S BUILDING, OLD TOWN, GOTHAM - LATER Selina exits and hails a cab. Wayne watches her go. Then pulls out. Checking his tracker. EXT. MUSEUM, GOTHAM - LATER Town cars dispense Gotham society in tasteful masquerade. Wayne pulls up to the Valet. Paparazzi line the entrance. Wayne uses his cane to get out of his Lamborghini... PAPARAZZI Another stiff too old to climb out of his sports car. PAPARAZZI 2 No, that's Bruce Wayne! Hey, Wayne, where you been hiding? Lenses swing onto Wayne, who pushes a button on his key fob - a pulse. The cameras die. Wayne heads to the door. WAYNE I'm not sure if my assistant put me on the guest list - GREETER Right through here, Mr. Wayne... 41. INT. MUSEUM - CONTINUOUS A lavish ball - the expressively attired dance under falling confetti... Even Bruce Wayne is struck by the ostentation. He spots Selina dancing with a deeply smitten Rich Twit. She wears a small, velvet pair of cat ears. And the pearls. MIRANDA (O.S) Bruce Wayne at a charity ball? Wayne turns to find Miranda Tate, amazed, a small mask her only concession to fancy dress. WAYNE Miss Tate, isn't it? MIRANDA Even before you became a recluse, you never came to these things... WAYNE True. Proceeds go to the big fat spread, not the cause. It's not about charity, it's about feeding the ego of whichever society hag laid it on. MIRANDA Actually, this is my party, Mr. Wayne. WAYNE Oh. MIRANDA And the proceeds will go where they should, because I paid for the big fat spread myself. WAYNE That's very generous of you. MIRANDA You have to invest to restore balance to the world. Take our clean-energy project... WAYNE Sometimes the investment doesn't pay off. Sorry. 42. MIRANDA You have a practiced apathy, Mr. Wayne. But a man who doesn't care about the world doesn't spend half his fortune on a plan to save it... (Gentle.) And isn't so wounded when it fails that he goes into hiding... Wayne looks at Miranda. Intrigued. MIRANDA Have a good evening, Mr. Wayne. Wayne watches Miranda glide away. Then turns to Selina. WAYNE Mind if I cut in? Rich Twit turns, annoyed - Wayne hands him his cane. Takes Selina by the waist. She glares at him. WAYNE You don't seem very happy to see me. SELINA You were supposed to be a shut-in. WAYNE Felt like some fresh air. SELINA Why didn't you call the police? WAYNE I have a powerful friend who deals with this kind of thing. (Admires her cat ears.) Brazen costume for a cat burglar. SELINA Yeah? Who are you pretending to be? WAYNE Bruce Wayne, eccentric billionaire. Who's your date? SELINA His wife's in Ibiza. She left her diamonds behind, though. Worried they'd get stolen. 43. WAYNE It's pronounced 'Ibeetha'. You wouldn't want these folks realizing you're a crook not a social climber. SELINA (flash of anger) You think I care what anyone in this room thinks about me? WAYNE I doubt you care what anyone in this room thinks about you. SELINA Don't condescend, Mr. Wayne. You don't know a thing about me. WAYNE Well, Selina Kyle, I know you came here from your walk-up in Old Town - modest place for a master jewel thief. Which means either you're saving for your retirement - or you're in deep with the wrong people. SELINA You don't get to judge me because you were born in the master bedroom of Wayne Manor. WAYNE Actually, I was born in the Regency Room. SELINA I started off doing what I had to. Once you've done what you had to they'll never let you do what you want to. WAYNE Start fresh. SELINA There's no fresh start in today's world. Any twelve-year-old with a cell phone could find out what you did. Everything we do is collated and quantified. Everything sticks. We are the sum of our mistakes. 44. WAYNE Or our achievements. SELINA The mistakes stick better. Trust me. WAYNE You think that justifies stealing? SELINA I take what I need to from those who have more than enough. I don't stand on the shoulders of people with less. WAYNE Robin Hood? SELINA I'd do more to help someone than most of the people in this room. Than you. WAYNE Maybe you're assuming too much. SELINA Or maybe you're being unrealistic about what's really in your pants other than your wallet. WAYNE Ouch. SELINA You think all this can last? Wayne glances around at the sumptuous party. SELINA There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits you're all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little to the rest of us. WAYNE Sounds like you're looking forward to it. 45. SELINA I'm adaptable. WAYNE These pearls do look better on you then they did in my safe... Wayne rolls her into his shoulder - reaches up to the back of her neck, unclasps the necklace. But I still can't let you keep them. The pearls slide off her neck into his other hand. Selina looks at him. Angry. Then kisses him, hard, and disappears into the crowd. Wayne's cane reappears. RICH TWIT (ANNOYED) You scared her off. WAYNE Not likely. EXT. MUSEUM - MOMENTS LATER Wayne approaches the Valet. Pats down his pockets. WAYNE I must have lost my ticket - VALET Your wife said you were taking a cab home, sir. WAYNE My wife? INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI RACING DOWN STREETS - CONTINUOUS Selina permits herself a little smile as she guns the engine. INT. ROLLS ROYCE - LATER Alfred watches in the mirror as Wayne climbs into the back. ALFRED Just you, sir? Wayne gives him a withering glare. (MORE) 46. ALFRED (CONT'D) Don't worry, Master Wayne. Takes a little time to get back into the swing of things. Wayne dials his phone. FOX (O.S.) This is Fox. WAYNE Remember those 'unusual requests' I used to make? FOX (O.S.) I knew it! Up front, Alfred listens. Concerned. INT. BATCAVE - DAY Wayne pushes a button on a hi-tech carbon fiber brace strapped to his good knee - the brace tones. As Wayne starts moving his knee, bending, stretching, Alfred puts down a Thermos. ALFRED You've got the wrong leg, sir. WAYNE You start with the good limb so it learns your optimum muscle patterns. Wayne swaps the brace to his bad knee. Puts his weight on it - the knee bends, kicks. He sits again. Cautious. Now we tighten it up. Wayne gingerly pushes a button - the brace starts to shrink tight to his leg, digging in. Wayne grits his teeth. ALFRED It is terribly painful? WAYNE (GRITTED TEETH) You're welcome to try it, Alfred. ALFRED Happy watching, thank you, sir. Wayne shouts as the brace clicks home. He gets to his feet. 47. WAYNE Not bad - Wayne executes a perfect roundhouse, knocking out a brick. Not bad at all. Alfred picks up the brick. Considers it. Uneasy. He follows Wayne across the bridge to the cube. ALFRED Master Wayne, if you're considering going back out there you need to hear some rumors surrounding Bane. WAYNE I'm all ears. ALFRED There is a prison. In a more ancient part of the world. A pit. Where men are thrown to suffer and die. But sometimes, a man rises from the darkness. Sometimes...the pit sends something back. WAYNE Bane. ALFRED Born and raised in a hell on earth. WAYNE Born in a prison? ALFRED No one knows why. Or how he escaped. But they know who trained him one he did...R 's al Gh l. Your A U mentor. Wayne takes this in. Shocked. ALFRED He plucked Bane from a dark corner of the earth and trained him in the blackest disciplines of combat, deception and endurance. Just like you. WAYNE Bane was a member of the League of Shadows. 48. ALFRED Until he was excommunicated. And a man considered too extreme for R 's A al Gh l is not to be trifled with. U WAYNE I didn't realize I was known for trifling with criminals. ALFRED That was then. And you can strap up your leg and put the mask back on. But it won't make you what you were. WAYNE Which was? ALFRED Someone whose anger at death made him value all life. Even his own. WAYNE If this man is all the things you say he is, then this city needs me. The Batsuit emerges from the cube. ALFRED Yes, this city needs Bruce Wayne. Your resources, your knowledge...not your body. Not your life. That time has passed. WAYNE I tried helping as Bruce Wayne, Alfred. And I failed. ALFRED You can fail as Bruce Wayne. As Batman, you can't afford to. WAYNE That's what you're afraid of - that if I go back out there I'll fail. ALFRED No. I'm afraid that you want to. Wayne looks at Alfred. Then turns to examine the Batsuit. 49. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - EVENING A frenzy of trading on the packed floor... Two Traders sit on a shoeshine stand in the lobby. TRADER 2 You can't short the stock because Bruce Wayne goes to a party - TRADER 1 Wayne coming back is change. Change is either good or bad. TRADER 2 On what basis? TRADER 1 I flipped a coin. Near the front entrance: a Food Delivery Guy is standing there negotiating with a Trader. TRADER 3 No. Rye. I told 'em rye. Trader 3 spots bad news on a screen. Alright, I'll take it. He thrusts Food Guy a tip and grabs the bag, distracted... At the rear secure entrance: a Motorcycle Courier enters, wearing his helmet - a Female Security Guard gets in his face. FEMALE SECURITY GUARD Rookie! Lose the helmet! (Points at a camera.) We need faces for cameras. In the rest room: a Janitor mops the floor, shifting out of the way of two Traders who rush in to pee. At the shoeshine stand, Trader 1 waves a bill down at the man shining his shoes without a glance. Shoeshine Man takes the bill, then, as the Traders step off, he reaches into a gym bag and checks an automatic weapon. He clicks the slide home, then hoists the gym bag and heads for the trading floor. At the secure entrance: the Courier pulls off his helmet. The Female Security Guard's eyes go wide. 50. In the rest room: the Janitor reaches into his bucket and pulls out a machine pistol in a Ziploc bag. Near the front entrance: Food Guy pulls an automatic pistol - clubs Trader 3 with it, pastrami flying. Shoeshine Man moves onto the floor, pulls out his weapon. Under the Courier's helmet - a mask. Bane. He grabs the Female Security Guard and throws her into her colleagues, lashing out in four directions with rapidfire lethality. Shoeshine Man fires into the large trading screens. The floor erupts into a different frenzy - traders hit the deck, screaming. Bane moves onto the floor... TRADER 1 This is a stock exchange, there's no money you can steal - He dries up as Bane stops. Turns to him... BANE Why else would you people be here? Bane grabs Trader 1 by the throat and drags him across the floor to an online automated trades terminal... He puts the man's thumb onto the print reader - the screen lights up. BANE Enter your password. Or I send these men to your home. Trader 1, terrified, types in his password. Outside, sirens. Shoeshine man pulls out a USB drive with an antenna - plugs it into the computer - figures race across the screen... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Police vehicles screech into the narrow street - construction vehicles are blocking. Blake argues with a burly Construction Worker. BLAKE Move it, now! We've got a situation. CONSTRUCTION WORKER Where can I move it?! BLAKE That way! Blake points - but SWAT vehicles pile in, blocking. 51. BLAKE Get in your vehicle and stay there! Foley and the SWAT Commander, Allen, approach the entrance. The Market Security Chief walks up, frantic. SECURITY CHIEF You've gotta get in there! FOLEY This is a hostage situation - SECURITY CHIEF It's a robbery! They've got direct access to the online trading desk. FOLEY I'm not risking my men for your MONEY - SECURITY CHIEF It's not our money, it's everyone's! ALLEN Really? Mine's in my mattress. SECURITY CHIEF If you don't shut these guys down, the stuffing in that mattress might be worth a whole lot less, pal. FOLEY Cut the fiber line - shut down the cell tower. That'll slow them down. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Shoeshine Man looks up from the laptop. SHOESHINE MAN They cut the fiber. Cell's working. BANE For now. How much longer does the program need? SHOESHINE MAN Eight minutes. 52. BANE Time to go mobile. Shoeshine Man picks up the laptop, slips it into his pack... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Allen shouts at his men. ALLEN Get the barriers up - no more in and out on this street! Steel wedge-shaped barriers rise up at the mouth of the street. A Sniper watches the doors through a thermal scope. Six large heat signatures bloom, too big for people... SNIPER I've got something - The door explodes. SWATs duck, six sportbikes race out and leap the ramp-like barricades, sending SWATs scattering. Cops scramble to pull their vehicles out to give chase. EXT. GOTHAM STREET - CONTINUOUS The bikes weave through traffic, Traders strapped to the back, facing backwards - screaming, ties flying in the wind. A cruiser falls in behind. ROOKIE COP Shoot the tires! A Veteran Cop sights a shot, but the Traders are in the way. VETERAN COP No shot! EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Foley is barking into his radio. FOLEY Back off, back off! They've got hostages! 53. INT./EXT. CRUISER ON GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS The cruiser follows the bike into a large tunnel. A Rookie Cop looks up into his rear-view. ROOKIE COP What's going on with the lights? The Veteran Cop looks back - streetlights and headlights are dying one after another. The darkness is chasing them - the darkness hits them. Their lights, sirens, and engine die... And, out of the silence, a dark shape roars past - VETERAN COP It can't be... ROOKIE COP The hell was that?! VETERAN COP Oh boy. You're in for a show tonight, son. EXT. HIGHWAY - CONTINUOUS Food Guy drives the rear bike. He looks back - sees streetlights explode behind him - darkness catching him up. The engine chokes and dies.

sight

How many times the word 'sight' appears in the text?

- CONTINUOUS The SWATs return fire. The Thugs lay down cover fire, then race around a corner into a smaller passage. A cop car pulls up, blocking the mouth of the alley - Gordon jumps out, gun drawn. The SWATs approach the passage, massing on both corners tactically. The two corner SWATs exchange hand signals, counting down... They round the corner, aiming low and high. The passage is empty. The SWATs cover a fire escape, but Gordon spots at once - GORDON Manhole! He races to the manhole cover - SWATs wrench off the cover, Gordon grabs a flashlight from the nearest SWAT. GORDON You three, down with me. You two, head down to cover the next exit - SWAT Where -? GORDON Get the DWP down here, now! Gordon starts climbing down the ladder... INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon moves down the tunnel, flashlight low. Three SWATs fall in behind... 27. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake comes into the alley. Cops surround the manhole. COP Where's the DWP guy? BLAKE They went down there? FOLEY (shaking his head) And Gordon took SWAT in after them. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon hears a noise up ahead - pushes forward, rounds the corner. BANG! GUNFIRE. SWATs return fire, shots sparking off the concrete walls, then - BOOM - behind him the tunnel ERUPTS IN FIRE, blasting the SWATs. Gordon races forward, tearing through the tunnels. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake jumps back as a fireball bursts out of the manhole. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon races around a corner, gun drawn. A noise makes him turn - WHACK, he is clobbered from behind by a Thug. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake pushes forward. BLAKE Come on, we gotta get down there - COP That was a gas explosion, kid - BLAKE Gas? This is a sewer! FOLEY No one goes in there till we know what's down there. 28. BLAKE We know what's down there, sir. The Police Commissioner! FOLEY Somebody get the hothead out of here. And get me a DWP guy! Blake backs off. Gets an idea - goes for his patrol car. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Thug 1 flips Gordon onto his back. THUG 1 This one's alive. (Looks closer.) Jesus. It's the Police Commissioner. THUG 2 What do we do? THUG 1 Take him to Bane. The two Thugs drag Gordon down through the maze of tunnels. As they descend deeper they encounter work crews of muscular men wielding large drills and jackhammers, working the walls and ceiling of the larger tunnels. Some of the men are armed Mercenaries, overseeing gangs of homeless street kids. They stare as Gordon is dragged past. The Thugs drag Gordon between two waterfalls, into - INT. BANE'S LAIR, SEWERS - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT) They approach a figure, turned away, crouched in the firelight. Bare-chested, muscular, masked. Bane. A crooked line of scar tissue runs the length of his spine... BANE Why are you here? The Thugs drop Gordon at Bane's feet. THUG 1 Answer him! Bane slowly turns to the Thugs. 29. BANE I'm asking you. THUG 1 It's the Police Commissioner. BANE And you brought him down here? THUG 2 We didn't know what to do. We - BANE You panicked. And your weakness costs three lives. THUG 1 No, he's alone - Bane flips the Thug's chin up and to the side with a crack. Thug 1 drops. Bane turns to Thug 2. BANE Search him. Then I will kill you. The Thug, terrified, pulls out Gordon's badge, wallet, gun...and the folded papers of the speech he did not read. Bane takes these one by one with quick glances. He stops at the papers. Unfolds them... As he reads, Gordon rolls off the steps, dropping into the rushing flow of water - gunshots ring out... THUG 2 He's dead. Thug 2 trails off as Bane looks up from the papers... BANE Then show me his body. THUG 2 That water runs to any one of the outflows - we'd never find him. Bane turns to the Lead Mercenary. BANE Give me your GPS. Lead Mercenary hands him a GPS - Bane tucks it into Thug 2's jacket, zips it up like a mother sending her kid to school. 30. BANE Follow him. THUG 2 Follow him? Bane shoots Thug 2, kicks him into the water. Turns to Lead Mercenary. BANE Track him. Make sure both bodies will not be found. Then brick up the south tunnel. EXT. WATER TREATMENT FACILITY - NIGHT Blake comes out to the catchment basin. He spots something stuck up against the grille, thrusts his hand into the raging waters - Gordon is there, alive. Just. Blake pulls him up onto the concrete, hoists him up, hurrying... INT. FRONT HALL, WAYNE MANOR - DAY Alfred opens the door to reveal Blake in his dirty uniform. BLAKE I need to see Bruce Wayne. ALFRED I'm sorry, Mr. Wayne doesn't take unscheduled calls. Even from police officers. BLAKE And if I go get a warrant, in the investigation of Harvey Dent's murder? Would that still count as unscheduled? INT. STUDY, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Blake is sitting, drumming his leg, nervous. Wayne enters. WAYNE What can I do for you, officer? BLAKE Commissioner Gordon's been shot. 31. WAYNE I'm sorry to hear that - BLAKE He chased a gunman down into the sewers. When I pulled him out he was babbling about an underground army. A masked man called 'Bane'. WAYNE Shouldn't you be telling this to your superior officers? BLAKE I did. One of them asked if he saw any giant alligators down there. He needs you. He needs the Batman. WAYNE If Commissioner Gordon thinks I'm the Batman he must be in a bad way - BLAKE He doesn't know or care who you are. (Off look.) But we've met before. When I was a kid. At the orphanage. See, my mom died when I was small. Car accident, I don't really remember it. But a couple of years later my dad was shot over a gambling debt. I remember that just fine. (Looks at Wayne.) Not a lot of people who know what it feels like, do they? To be angry. In your bones. People understand, foster parents understand. For a while. Then they expect the angry kid to do what he knows he can never do. To move on. To forget. Wayne stares at Blake. BLAKE So they stopped understanding and sent the angry kid to a boys' home - St. Swithin's. Used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation. See, I figured it out too late. You have to hide the anger. Practice smiling in the mirror. Like putting on a mask. You showed up one day in a cool car, pretty girl on your arm. (MORE) 32. BLAKE (CONT'D) We were so excited - Bruce Wayne, billionaire orphan. We made up stories about you. Legends. The other boys' stories were just that. But when I saw you I knew who you really were... (Beat.) I'd seen that look on your face. Same one I taught myself. Blake gets up to leave. Wayne is lost in thought. BLAKE I don't know why you took the fall for Dent's murder, but I'm still a believer in the Batman. Even if you're not. WAYNE Why did you say your boys' home used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation? BLAKE Because the money stopped. Might be time to get some fresh air and start paying attention to the details. Some of those details might need your help. INT. HALL, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Wayne and Alfred watch Blake drive away. WAYNE You checked that name? 'Bane' - ALFRED Ran it through some databases. He's a mercenary. No other known name. Never been seen or photographed without a mask. He and his men were behind a coup in West Africa that secured mining operations for our friend John Daggett. WAYNE Now Daggett's brought them here? ALFRED It would seem so. I'll keep digging. 33. Alfred turns to leave. WAYNE Why did the Wayne Foundation stop funding boys' homes in the city? ALFRED The Foundation is funded from the profits of Wayne Enterprises... (Off look.) There have to be some. WAYNE Time to talk to Mr. Fox, I think. ALFRED I'll get him on the phone - WAYNE No. Do we still have any cars around the place? ALFRED (LIGHTS UP) One or two. WAYNE And I need an appointment at the hospital. About my leg. ALFRED Which hospital, sir? WAYNE Whichever one Jim Gordon's in. Alfred is less excited by this part of the request. EXT. WAYNE ENTERPRISES - DAY Moving towards the tall skyscraper downtown. MIRANDA (V.O.) Mr. Fox, I believe in what Mr. Wayne was trying to do... INT. BOARDROOM, WAYNE ENTERPRISES - CONTINUOUS Miranda is talking to Lucius Fox at the table. 34. MIRANDA I'm only asking for explanations because I think I can help. FOX I'll pass along your request. Next time I see him. Miranda catches something in this. MIRANDA He doesn't talk to you either? FOX Let's just say that Bruce Wayne has his...eccentricities. MIRANDA (RISING) Mr. Fox, are you aware that John Daggett is trying to acquire shares in Wayne Enterprises? FOX I was not. But it wouldn't do him any good - Mr. Wayne still retains a clear majority. Miranda leaves. Fox moves into his office - stops. FOX Bruce Wayne. As I live and breathe. Wayne rises, pushing hard on his cane. FOX What brings you out of cryo-sleep Mr. Wayne? WAYNE I see you haven't lost your sense of humor...even if you have lost most of my money. FOX Actually, you did that yourself. See, if you funnel the entire R and D budget for five years into a fusion project that you then mothball, your company is unlikely to thrive. 35. WAYNE Even with - FOX A wildly sophisticated CEO, yes. Wayne Enterprises is running out of time. And Daggett is moving in. WAYNE What're my options? FOX If you're not willing to turn your machine on - WAYNE I can't, Lucius. FOX Then sit tight. Your majority keeps Daggett at arm's length while we figure out a future for the energy program with Miranda Tate - she's supported your project all the way. She's smart, and quite lovely. WAYNE You too, Lucius? FOX We all just want what's best for you, Bruce. Show her the machine. WAYNE I'll think it over. FOX Anything else? WAYNE No, why? FOX These conversations always used to end with some...unusual requests. WAYNE I retired. FOX Let me show you some stuff, anyway. Fox hits a button - the bookcase opens into a hidden elevator. 36. INT. APPLIED SCIENCES - MOMENTS LATER Fox leads Wayne into the vast, gadget-filled space. They pass Tumblers with different weapons configurations... WAYNE I figured you'd have shut this place down. FOX It was always shut down, officially. WAYNE But all this new stuff? FOX After your father died, Wayne Enterprises set up fourteen different defense subsidiaries. I've spent years shuttering them and consolidating all the prototypes under one roof. My roof. WAYNE Why? FOX Stop them falling into the wrong hands. Besides, I thought someone might get some use out of them... Wayne shakes his head. FOX Sure I can't tempt you to something? Pneumatic crampons? Infrared lenses? Least let me get you something for that leg. WAYNE It's fine the use it gets these days. FOX Well, then I have just the thing for an eccentric billionaire who doesn't like to walk... Fox opens a door - we glimpse a sleek vehicle. Wayne's eyes light up. 37. WAYNE Now you're just showing off. FOX Defense Department project for tight-geometry urban pacification. Rotors configured for maneuvering between buildings without recirculation. WAYNE What's it called? FOX It has a long and uninteresting Wayne Enterprises designation. So I took to calling it the Bat. And yes, Mr. Wayne, it does come in black. Wayne touches its sleek side. Marveling. FOX Works great except for the autopilot. WAYNE What's wrong with that? FOX Software-based instability. Take a better mind than mine to fix it. WAYNE Better mind? FOX I was trying to be modest. A less busy mind. Yours, perhaps. Wayne looks wistfully at the machine. Turns away. WAYNE I told you. I retired, Lucius. INT. EXAMINATION ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - NIGHT Wayne listens, distracted, while a Doctor examines an X-ray. DOCTOR I've seen worse cartilage in knees - 38. WAYNE That's good - DOCTOR No, that's because there is no cartilage in your knee. And not much of any use in your elbows and shoulders. Between that and the scar tissue on your kidneys, residual concussive damage to your brain tissue and general scarred-over quality of your body... (Takes a deep breath.) I cannot recommend that you go heli-skiing. About the only part of your body that looks healthy is your liver, so if you're bored I recommend you take up drinking, Mr. Wayne. Wayne smiles. The Doctor leaves. Wayne pulls on a ski mask, steps to the window, hops up, pulls a wire from his cane, which he clips to his belt. He props his cane behind the frame - jumps out. The wire unspools from the cane as - EXT. TENTH FLOOR, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS Wayne drops three floors... INT. PRIVATE ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL - CONTINUOUS Gordon lies in his bed, hooked up to machines. Wayne, in ski mask, stands over him. Gordon's eyes flutter open. He tries to speak with a weak, hoarse voice... GORDON We were in this together. Then you were gone... WAYNE The Batman wasn't needed anymore. We won. GORDON Built on a lie. Our lie. Now there's evil rising from where we tried to bury it. Nobody will listen... The Batman has to come back. 39. WAYNE What if he doesn't exist anymore? GORDON He must. He must. INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI ON GOTHAM STREETS - NIGHT Wayne pulls up in front of a row of shabby subdivided town houses. Checks a tracking device. Jon, provocatively dressed, leads a Yuppie Banker-type in through a front door. INT. SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Selina sits in a small room getting ready to go out. She picks up the pearls - hears a disturbance in the hall. JEN (O.S.) I told you - money first - YUPPIE (O.S.) Goddammit, you took my wallet! INT. STAIRWELL OUTSIDE SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS The Yuppie has Jen against the wall - he reaches back to hit her with an expensive wristwatch-clad arm. But Selina has grabbed his wrist with a powerful grip. SELINA Get out. YUPPIE She took my wallet! Selina twists his arm behind him in a blinding move. SELINA Now. She releases the Yuppie, who moves off down the stairs. Selina turns to Jen. Who is examining a wallet. SELINA I told you not to try it with the assholes, Jen. JEN They're all assholes. 40. SELINA Okay, the assholes who hit. JEN I don't know what he's so upset about, he only had sixty bucks in here. SELINA Probably the watch. YOUNG WOMAN Watch? Selina opens her hand and gives Jen the Yuppie's Rolex. EXT. SELINA'S BUILDING, OLD TOWN, GOTHAM - LATER Selina exits and hails a cab. Wayne watches her go. Then pulls out. Checking his tracker. EXT. MUSEUM, GOTHAM - LATER Town cars dispense Gotham society in tasteful masquerade. Wayne pulls up to the Valet. Paparazzi line the entrance. Wayne uses his cane to get out of his Lamborghini... PAPARAZZI Another stiff too old to climb out of his sports car. PAPARAZZI 2 No, that's Bruce Wayne! Hey, Wayne, where you been hiding? Lenses swing onto Wayne, who pushes a button on his key fob - a pulse. The cameras die. Wayne heads to the door. WAYNE I'm not sure if my assistant put me on the guest list - GREETER Right through here, Mr. Wayne... 41. INT. MUSEUM - CONTINUOUS A lavish ball - the expressively attired dance under falling confetti... Even Bruce Wayne is struck by the ostentation. He spots Selina dancing with a deeply smitten Rich Twit. She wears a small, velvet pair of cat ears. And the pearls. MIRANDA (O.S) Bruce Wayne at a charity ball? Wayne turns to find Miranda Tate, amazed, a small mask her only concession to fancy dress. WAYNE Miss Tate, isn't it? MIRANDA Even before you became a recluse, you never came to these things... WAYNE True. Proceeds go to the big fat spread, not the cause. It's not about charity, it's about feeding the ego of whichever society hag laid it on. MIRANDA Actually, this is my party, Mr. Wayne. WAYNE Oh. MIRANDA And the proceeds will go where they should, because I paid for the big fat spread myself. WAYNE That's very generous of you. MIRANDA You have to invest to restore balance to the world. Take our clean-energy project... WAYNE Sometimes the investment doesn't pay off. Sorry. 42. MIRANDA You have a practiced apathy, Mr. Wayne. But a man who doesn't care about the world doesn't spend half his fortune on a plan to save it... (Gentle.) And isn't so wounded when it fails that he goes into hiding... Wayne looks at Miranda. Intrigued. MIRANDA Have a good evening, Mr. Wayne. Wayne watches Miranda glide away. Then turns to Selina. WAYNE Mind if I cut in? Rich Twit turns, annoyed - Wayne hands him his cane. Takes Selina by the waist. She glares at him. WAYNE You don't seem very happy to see me. SELINA You were supposed to be a shut-in. WAYNE Felt like some fresh air. SELINA Why didn't you call the police? WAYNE I have a powerful friend who deals with this kind of thing. (Admires her cat ears.) Brazen costume for a cat burglar. SELINA Yeah? Who are you pretending to be? WAYNE Bruce Wayne, eccentric billionaire. Who's your date? SELINA His wife's in Ibiza. She left her diamonds behind, though. Worried they'd get stolen. 43. WAYNE It's pronounced 'Ibeetha'. You wouldn't want these folks realizing you're a crook not a social climber. SELINA (flash of anger) You think I care what anyone in this room thinks about me? WAYNE I doubt you care what anyone in this room thinks about you. SELINA Don't condescend, Mr. Wayne. You don't know a thing about me. WAYNE Well, Selina Kyle, I know you came here from your walk-up in Old Town - modest place for a master jewel thief. Which means either you're saving for your retirement - or you're in deep with the wrong people. SELINA You don't get to judge me because you were born in the master bedroom of Wayne Manor. WAYNE Actually, I was born in the Regency Room. SELINA I started off doing what I had to. Once you've done what you had to they'll never let you do what you want to. WAYNE Start fresh. SELINA There's no fresh start in today's world. Any twelve-year-old with a cell phone could find out what you did. Everything we do is collated and quantified. Everything sticks. We are the sum of our mistakes. 44. WAYNE Or our achievements. SELINA The mistakes stick better. Trust me. WAYNE You think that justifies stealing? SELINA I take what I need to from those who have more than enough. I don't stand on the shoulders of people with less. WAYNE Robin Hood? SELINA I'd do more to help someone than most of the people in this room. Than you. WAYNE Maybe you're assuming too much. SELINA Or maybe you're being unrealistic about what's really in your pants other than your wallet. WAYNE Ouch. SELINA You think all this can last? Wayne glances around at the sumptuous party. SELINA There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits you're all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little to the rest of us. WAYNE Sounds like you're looking forward to it. 45. SELINA I'm adaptable. WAYNE These pearls do look better on you then they did in my safe... Wayne rolls her into his shoulder - reaches up to the back of her neck, unclasps the necklace. But I still can't let you keep them. The pearls slide off her neck into his other hand. Selina looks at him. Angry. Then kisses him, hard, and disappears into the crowd. Wayne's cane reappears. RICH TWIT (ANNOYED) You scared her off. WAYNE Not likely. EXT. MUSEUM - MOMENTS LATER Wayne approaches the Valet. Pats down his pockets. WAYNE I must have lost my ticket - VALET Your wife said you were taking a cab home, sir. WAYNE My wife? INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI RACING DOWN STREETS - CONTINUOUS Selina permits herself a little smile as she guns the engine. INT. ROLLS ROYCE - LATER Alfred watches in the mirror as Wayne climbs into the back. ALFRED Just you, sir? Wayne gives him a withering glare. (MORE) 46. ALFRED (CONT'D) Don't worry, Master Wayne. Takes a little time to get back into the swing of things. Wayne dials his phone. FOX (O.S.) This is Fox. WAYNE Remember those 'unusual requests' I used to make? FOX (O.S.) I knew it! Up front, Alfred listens. Concerned. INT. BATCAVE - DAY Wayne pushes a button on a hi-tech carbon fiber brace strapped to his good knee - the brace tones. As Wayne starts moving his knee, bending, stretching, Alfred puts down a Thermos. ALFRED You've got the wrong leg, sir. WAYNE You start with the good limb so it learns your optimum muscle patterns. Wayne swaps the brace to his bad knee. Puts his weight on it - the knee bends, kicks. He sits again. Cautious. Now we tighten it up. Wayne gingerly pushes a button - the brace starts to shrink tight to his leg, digging in. Wayne grits his teeth. ALFRED It is terribly painful? WAYNE (GRITTED TEETH) You're welcome to try it, Alfred. ALFRED Happy watching, thank you, sir. Wayne shouts as the brace clicks home. He gets to his feet. 47. WAYNE Not bad - Wayne executes a perfect roundhouse, knocking out a brick. Not bad at all. Alfred picks up the brick. Considers it. Uneasy. He follows Wayne across the bridge to the cube. ALFRED Master Wayne, if you're considering going back out there you need to hear some rumors surrounding Bane. WAYNE I'm all ears. ALFRED There is a prison. In a more ancient part of the world. A pit. Where men are thrown to suffer and die. But sometimes, a man rises from the darkness. Sometimes...the pit sends something back. WAYNE Bane. ALFRED Born and raised in a hell on earth. WAYNE Born in a prison? ALFRED No one knows why. Or how he escaped. But they know who trained him one he did...R 's al Gh l. Your A U mentor. Wayne takes this in. Shocked. ALFRED He plucked Bane from a dark corner of the earth and trained him in the blackest disciplines of combat, deception and endurance. Just like you. WAYNE Bane was a member of the League of Shadows. 48. ALFRED Until he was excommunicated. And a man considered too extreme for R 's A al Gh l is not to be trifled with. U WAYNE I didn't realize I was known for trifling with criminals. ALFRED That was then. And you can strap up your leg and put the mask back on. But it won't make you what you were. WAYNE Which was? ALFRED Someone whose anger at death made him value all life. Even his own. WAYNE If this man is all the things you say he is, then this city needs me. The Batsuit emerges from the cube. ALFRED Yes, this city needs Bruce Wayne. Your resources, your knowledge...not your body. Not your life. That time has passed. WAYNE I tried helping as Bruce Wayne, Alfred. And I failed. ALFRED You can fail as Bruce Wayne. As Batman, you can't afford to. WAYNE That's what you're afraid of - that if I go back out there I'll fail. ALFRED No. I'm afraid that you want to. Wayne looks at Alfred. Then turns to examine the Batsuit. 49. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - EVENING A frenzy of trading on the packed floor... Two Traders sit on a shoeshine stand in the lobby. TRADER 2 You can't short the stock because Bruce Wayne goes to a party - TRADER 1 Wayne coming back is change. Change is either good or bad. TRADER 2 On what basis? TRADER 1 I flipped a coin. Near the front entrance: a Food Delivery Guy is standing there negotiating with a Trader. TRADER 3 No. Rye. I told 'em rye. Trader 3 spots bad news on a screen. Alright, I'll take it. He thrusts Food Guy a tip and grabs the bag, distracted... At the rear secure entrance: a Motorcycle Courier enters, wearing his helmet - a Female Security Guard gets in his face. FEMALE SECURITY GUARD Rookie! Lose the helmet! (Points at a camera.) We need faces for cameras. In the rest room: a Janitor mops the floor, shifting out of the way of two Traders who rush in to pee. At the shoeshine stand, Trader 1 waves a bill down at the man shining his shoes without a glance. Shoeshine Man takes the bill, then, as the Traders step off, he reaches into a gym bag and checks an automatic weapon. He clicks the slide home, then hoists the gym bag and heads for the trading floor. At the secure entrance: the Courier pulls off his helmet. The Female Security Guard's eyes go wide. 50. In the rest room: the Janitor reaches into his bucket and pulls out a machine pistol in a Ziploc bag. Near the front entrance: Food Guy pulls an automatic pistol - clubs Trader 3 with it, pastrami flying. Shoeshine Man moves onto the floor, pulls out his weapon. Under the Courier's helmet - a mask. Bane. He grabs the Female Security Guard and throws her into her colleagues, lashing out in four directions with rapidfire lethality. Shoeshine Man fires into the large trading screens. The floor erupts into a different frenzy - traders hit the deck, screaming. Bane moves onto the floor... TRADER 1 This is a stock exchange, there's no money you can steal - He dries up as Bane stops. Turns to him... BANE Why else would you people be here? Bane grabs Trader 1 by the throat and drags him across the floor to an online automated trades terminal... He puts the man's thumb onto the print reader - the screen lights up. BANE Enter your password. Or I send these men to your home. Trader 1, terrified, types in his password. Outside, sirens. Shoeshine man pulls out a USB drive with an antenna - plugs it into the computer - figures race across the screen... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Police vehicles screech into the narrow street - construction vehicles are blocking. Blake argues with a burly Construction Worker. BLAKE Move it, now! We've got a situation. CONSTRUCTION WORKER Where can I move it?! BLAKE That way! Blake points - but SWAT vehicles pile in, blocking. 51. BLAKE Get in your vehicle and stay there! Foley and the SWAT Commander, Allen, approach the entrance. The Market Security Chief walks up, frantic. SECURITY CHIEF You've gotta get in there! FOLEY This is a hostage situation - SECURITY CHIEF It's a robbery! They've got direct access to the online trading desk. FOLEY I'm not risking my men for your MONEY - SECURITY CHIEF It's not our money, it's everyone's! ALLEN Really? Mine's in my mattress. SECURITY CHIEF If you don't shut these guys down, the stuffing in that mattress might be worth a whole lot less, pal. FOLEY Cut the fiber line - shut down the cell tower. That'll slow them down. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Shoeshine Man looks up from the laptop. SHOESHINE MAN They cut the fiber. Cell's working. BANE For now. How much longer does the program need? SHOESHINE MAN Eight minutes. 52. BANE Time to go mobile. Shoeshine Man picks up the laptop, slips it into his pack... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Allen shouts at his men. ALLEN Get the barriers up - no more in and out on this street! Steel wedge-shaped barriers rise up at the mouth of the street. A Sniper watches the doors through a thermal scope. Six large heat signatures bloom, too big for people... SNIPER I've got something - The door explodes. SWATs duck, six sportbikes race out and leap the ramp-like barricades, sending SWATs scattering. Cops scramble to pull their vehicles out to give chase. EXT. GOTHAM STREET - CONTINUOUS The bikes weave through traffic, Traders strapped to the back, facing backwards - screaming, ties flying in the wind. A cruiser falls in behind. ROOKIE COP Shoot the tires! A Veteran Cop sights a shot, but the Traders are in the way. VETERAN COP No shot! EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Foley is barking into his radio. FOLEY Back off, back off! They've got hostages! 53. INT./EXT. CRUISER ON GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS The cruiser follows the bike into a large tunnel. A Rookie Cop looks up into his rear-view. ROOKIE COP What's going on with the lights? The Veteran Cop looks back - streetlights and headlights are dying one after another. The darkness is chasing them - the darkness hits them. Their lights, sirens, and engine die... And, out of the silence, a dark shape roars past - VETERAN COP It can't be... ROOKIE COP The hell was that?! VETERAN COP Oh boy. You're in for a show tonight, son. EXT. HIGHWAY - CONTINUOUS Food Guy drives the rear bike. He looks back - sees streetlights explode behind him - darkness catching him up. The engine chokes and dies.

mothball

How many times the word 'mothball' appears in the text?

- CONTINUOUS The SWATs return fire. The Thugs lay down cover fire, then race around a corner into a smaller passage. A cop car pulls up, blocking the mouth of the alley - Gordon jumps out, gun drawn. The SWATs approach the passage, massing on both corners tactically. The two corner SWATs exchange hand signals, counting down... They round the corner, aiming low and high. The passage is empty. The SWATs cover a fire escape, but Gordon spots at once - GORDON Manhole! He races to the manhole cover - SWATs wrench off the cover, Gordon grabs a flashlight from the nearest SWAT. GORDON You three, down with me. You two, head down to cover the next exit - SWAT Where -? GORDON Get the DWP down here, now! Gordon starts climbing down the ladder... INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon moves down the tunnel, flashlight low. Three SWATs fall in behind... 27. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake comes into the alley. Cops surround the manhole. COP Where's the DWP guy? BLAKE They went down there? FOLEY (shaking his head) And Gordon took SWAT in after them. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon hears a noise up ahead - pushes forward, rounds the corner. BANG! GUNFIRE. SWATs return fire, shots sparking off the concrete walls, then - BOOM - behind him the tunnel ERUPTS IN FIRE, blasting the SWATs. Gordon races forward, tearing through the tunnels. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake jumps back as a fireball bursts out of the manhole. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon races around a corner, gun drawn. A noise makes him turn - WHACK, he is clobbered from behind by a Thug. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake pushes forward. BLAKE Come on, we gotta get down there - COP That was a gas explosion, kid - BLAKE Gas? This is a sewer! FOLEY No one goes in there till we know what's down there. 28. BLAKE We know what's down there, sir. The Police Commissioner! FOLEY Somebody get the hothead out of here. And get me a DWP guy! Blake backs off. Gets an idea - goes for his patrol car. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Thug 1 flips Gordon onto his back. THUG 1 This one's alive. (Looks closer.) Jesus. It's the Police Commissioner. THUG 2 What do we do? THUG 1 Take him to Bane. The two Thugs drag Gordon down through the maze of tunnels. As they descend deeper they encounter work crews of muscular men wielding large drills and jackhammers, working the walls and ceiling of the larger tunnels. Some of the men are armed Mercenaries, overseeing gangs of homeless street kids. They stare as Gordon is dragged past. The Thugs drag Gordon between two waterfalls, into - INT. BANE'S LAIR, SEWERS - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT) They approach a figure, turned away, crouched in the firelight. Bare-chested, muscular, masked. Bane. A crooked line of scar tissue runs the length of his spine... BANE Why are you here? The Thugs drop Gordon at Bane's feet. THUG 1 Answer him! Bane slowly turns to the Thugs. 29. BANE I'm asking you. THUG 1 It's the Police Commissioner. BANE And you brought him down here? THUG 2 We didn't know what to do. We - BANE You panicked. And your weakness costs three lives. THUG 1 No, he's alone - Bane flips the Thug's chin up and to the side with a crack. Thug 1 drops. Bane turns to Thug 2. BANE Search him. Then I will kill you. The Thug, terrified, pulls out Gordon's badge, wallet, gun...and the folded papers of the speech he did not read. Bane takes these one by one with quick glances. He stops at the papers. Unfolds them... As he reads, Gordon rolls off the steps, dropping into the rushing flow of water - gunshots ring out... THUG 2 He's dead. Thug 2 trails off as Bane looks up from the papers... BANE Then show me his body. THUG 2 That water runs to any one of the outflows - we'd never find him. Bane turns to the Lead Mercenary. BANE Give me your GPS. Lead Mercenary hands him a GPS - Bane tucks it into Thug 2's jacket, zips it up like a mother sending her kid to school. 30. BANE Follow him. THUG 2 Follow him? Bane shoots Thug 2, kicks him into the water. Turns to Lead Mercenary. BANE Track him. Make sure both bodies will not be found. Then brick up the south tunnel. EXT. WATER TREATMENT FACILITY - NIGHT Blake comes out to the catchment basin. He spots something stuck up against the grille, thrusts his hand into the raging waters - Gordon is there, alive. Just. Blake pulls him up onto the concrete, hoists him up, hurrying... INT. FRONT HALL, WAYNE MANOR - DAY Alfred opens the door to reveal Blake in his dirty uniform. BLAKE I need to see Bruce Wayne. ALFRED I'm sorry, Mr. Wayne doesn't take unscheduled calls. Even from police officers. BLAKE And if I go get a warrant, in the investigation of Harvey Dent's murder? Would that still count as unscheduled? INT. STUDY, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Blake is sitting, drumming his leg, nervous. Wayne enters. WAYNE What can I do for you, officer? BLAKE Commissioner Gordon's been shot. 31. WAYNE I'm sorry to hear that - BLAKE He chased a gunman down into the sewers. When I pulled him out he was babbling about an underground army. A masked man called 'Bane'. WAYNE Shouldn't you be telling this to your superior officers? BLAKE I did. One of them asked if he saw any giant alligators down there. He needs you. He needs the Batman. WAYNE If Commissioner Gordon thinks I'm the Batman he must be in a bad way - BLAKE He doesn't know or care who you are. (Off look.) But we've met before. When I was a kid. At the orphanage. See, my mom died when I was small. Car accident, I don't really remember it. But a couple of years later my dad was shot over a gambling debt. I remember that just fine. (Looks at Wayne.) Not a lot of people who know what it feels like, do they? To be angry. In your bones. People understand, foster parents understand. For a while. Then they expect the angry kid to do what he knows he can never do. To move on. To forget. Wayne stares at Blake. BLAKE So they stopped understanding and sent the angry kid to a boys' home - St. Swithin's. Used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation. See, I figured it out too late. You have to hide the anger. Practice smiling in the mirror. Like putting on a mask. You showed up one day in a cool car, pretty girl on your arm. (MORE) 32. BLAKE (CONT'D) We were so excited - Bruce Wayne, billionaire orphan. We made up stories about you. Legends. The other boys' stories were just that. But when I saw you I knew who you really were... (Beat.) I'd seen that look on your face. Same one I taught myself. Blake gets up to leave. Wayne is lost in thought. BLAKE I don't know why you took the fall for Dent's murder, but I'm still a believer in the Batman. Even if you're not. WAYNE Why did you say your boys' home used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation? BLAKE Because the money stopped. Might be time to get some fresh air and start paying attention to the details. Some of those details might need your help. INT. HALL, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Wayne and Alfred watch Blake drive away. WAYNE You checked that name? 'Bane' - ALFRED Ran it through some databases. He's a mercenary. No other known name. Never been seen or photographed without a mask. He and his men were behind a coup in West Africa that secured mining operations for our friend John Daggett. WAYNE Now Daggett's brought them here? ALFRED It would seem so. I'll keep digging. 33. Alfred turns to leave. WAYNE Why did the Wayne Foundation stop funding boys' homes in the city? ALFRED The Foundation is funded from the profits of Wayne Enterprises... (Off look.) There have to be some. WAYNE Time to talk to Mr. Fox, I think. ALFRED I'll get him on the phone - WAYNE No. Do we still have any cars around the place? ALFRED (LIGHTS UP) One or two. WAYNE And I need an appointment at the hospital. About my leg. ALFRED Which hospital, sir? WAYNE Whichever one Jim Gordon's in. Alfred is less excited by this part of the request. EXT. WAYNE ENTERPRISES - DAY Moving towards the tall skyscraper downtown. MIRANDA (V.O.) Mr. Fox, I believe in what Mr. Wayne was trying to do... INT. BOARDROOM, WAYNE ENTERPRISES - CONTINUOUS Miranda is talking to Lucius Fox at the table. 34. MIRANDA I'm only asking for explanations because I think I can help. FOX I'll pass along your request. Next time I see him. Miranda catches something in this. MIRANDA He doesn't talk to you either? FOX Let's just say that Bruce Wayne has his...eccentricities. MIRANDA (RISING) Mr. Fox, are you aware that John Daggett is trying to acquire shares in Wayne Enterprises? FOX I was not. But it wouldn't do him any good - Mr. Wayne still retains a clear majority. Miranda leaves. Fox moves into his office - stops. FOX Bruce Wayne. As I live and breathe. Wayne rises, pushing hard on his cane. FOX What brings you out of cryo-sleep Mr. Wayne? WAYNE I see you haven't lost your sense of humor...even if you have lost most of my money. FOX Actually, you did that yourself. See, if you funnel the entire R and D budget for five years into a fusion project that you then mothball, your company is unlikely to thrive. 35. WAYNE Even with - FOX A wildly sophisticated CEO, yes. Wayne Enterprises is running out of time. And Daggett is moving in. WAYNE What're my options? FOX If you're not willing to turn your machine on - WAYNE I can't, Lucius. FOX Then sit tight. Your majority keeps Daggett at arm's length while we figure out a future for the energy program with Miranda Tate - she's supported your project all the way. She's smart, and quite lovely. WAYNE You too, Lucius? FOX We all just want what's best for you, Bruce. Show her the machine. WAYNE I'll think it over. FOX Anything else? WAYNE No, why? FOX These conversations always used to end with some...unusual requests. WAYNE I retired. FOX Let me show you some stuff, anyway. Fox hits a button - the bookcase opens into a hidden elevator. 36. INT. APPLIED SCIENCES - MOMENTS LATER Fox leads Wayne into the vast, gadget-filled space. They pass Tumblers with different weapons configurations... WAYNE I figured you'd have shut this place down. FOX It was always shut down, officially. WAYNE But all this new stuff? FOX After your father died, Wayne Enterprises set up fourteen different defense subsidiaries. I've spent years shuttering them and consolidating all the prototypes under one roof. My roof. WAYNE Why? FOX Stop them falling into the wrong hands. Besides, I thought someone might get some use out of them... Wayne shakes his head. FOX Sure I can't tempt you to something? Pneumatic crampons? Infrared lenses? Least let me get you something for that leg. WAYNE It's fine the use it gets these days. FOX Well, then I have just the thing for an eccentric billionaire who doesn't like to walk... Fox opens a door - we glimpse a sleek vehicle. Wayne's eyes light up. 37. WAYNE Now you're just showing off. FOX Defense Department project for tight-geometry urban pacification. Rotors configured for maneuvering between buildings without recirculation. WAYNE What's it called? FOX It has a long and uninteresting Wayne Enterprises designation. So I took to calling it the Bat. And yes, Mr. Wayne, it does come in black. Wayne touches its sleek side. Marveling. FOX Works great except for the autopilot. WAYNE What's wrong with that? FOX Software-based instability. Take a better mind than mine to fix it. WAYNE Better mind? FOX I was trying to be modest. A less busy mind. Yours, perhaps. Wayne looks wistfully at the machine. Turns away. WAYNE I told you. I retired, Lucius. INT. EXAMINATION ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - NIGHT Wayne listens, distracted, while a Doctor examines an X-ray. DOCTOR I've seen worse cartilage in knees - 38. WAYNE That's good - DOCTOR No, that's because there is no cartilage in your knee. And not much of any use in your elbows and shoulders. Between that and the scar tissue on your kidneys, residual concussive damage to your brain tissue and general scarred-over quality of your body... (Takes a deep breath.) I cannot recommend that you go heli-skiing. About the only part of your body that looks healthy is your liver, so if you're bored I recommend you take up drinking, Mr. Wayne. Wayne smiles. The Doctor leaves. Wayne pulls on a ski mask, steps to the window, hops up, pulls a wire from his cane, which he clips to his belt. He props his cane behind the frame - jumps out. The wire unspools from the cane as - EXT. TENTH FLOOR, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS Wayne drops three floors... INT. PRIVATE ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL - CONTINUOUS Gordon lies in his bed, hooked up to machines. Wayne, in ski mask, stands over him. Gordon's eyes flutter open. He tries to speak with a weak, hoarse voice... GORDON We were in this together. Then you were gone... WAYNE The Batman wasn't needed anymore. We won. GORDON Built on a lie. Our lie. Now there's evil rising from where we tried to bury it. Nobody will listen... The Batman has to come back. 39. WAYNE What if he doesn't exist anymore? GORDON He must. He must. INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI ON GOTHAM STREETS - NIGHT Wayne pulls up in front of a row of shabby subdivided town houses. Checks a tracking device. Jon, provocatively dressed, leads a Yuppie Banker-type in through a front door. INT. SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Selina sits in a small room getting ready to go out. She picks up the pearls - hears a disturbance in the hall. JEN (O.S.) I told you - money first - YUPPIE (O.S.) Goddammit, you took my wallet! INT. STAIRWELL OUTSIDE SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS The Yuppie has Jen against the wall - he reaches back to hit her with an expensive wristwatch-clad arm. But Selina has grabbed his wrist with a powerful grip. SELINA Get out. YUPPIE She took my wallet! Selina twists his arm behind him in a blinding move. SELINA Now. She releases the Yuppie, who moves off down the stairs. Selina turns to Jen. Who is examining a wallet. SELINA I told you not to try it with the assholes, Jen. JEN They're all assholes. 40. SELINA Okay, the assholes who hit. JEN I don't know what he's so upset about, he only had sixty bucks in here. SELINA Probably the watch. YOUNG WOMAN Watch? Selina opens her hand and gives Jen the Yuppie's Rolex. EXT. SELINA'S BUILDING, OLD TOWN, GOTHAM - LATER Selina exits and hails a cab. Wayne watches her go. Then pulls out. Checking his tracker. EXT. MUSEUM, GOTHAM - LATER Town cars dispense Gotham society in tasteful masquerade. Wayne pulls up to the Valet. Paparazzi line the entrance. Wayne uses his cane to get out of his Lamborghini... PAPARAZZI Another stiff too old to climb out of his sports car. PAPARAZZI 2 No, that's Bruce Wayne! Hey, Wayne, where you been hiding? Lenses swing onto Wayne, who pushes a button on his key fob - a pulse. The cameras die. Wayne heads to the door. WAYNE I'm not sure if my assistant put me on the guest list - GREETER Right through here, Mr. Wayne... 41. INT. MUSEUM - CONTINUOUS A lavish ball - the expressively attired dance under falling confetti... Even Bruce Wayne is struck by the ostentation. He spots Selina dancing with a deeply smitten Rich Twit. She wears a small, velvet pair of cat ears. And the pearls. MIRANDA (O.S) Bruce Wayne at a charity ball? Wayne turns to find Miranda Tate, amazed, a small mask her only concession to fancy dress. WAYNE Miss Tate, isn't it? MIRANDA Even before you became a recluse, you never came to these things... WAYNE True. Proceeds go to the big fat spread, not the cause. It's not about charity, it's about feeding the ego of whichever society hag laid it on. MIRANDA Actually, this is my party, Mr. Wayne. WAYNE Oh. MIRANDA And the proceeds will go where they should, because I paid for the big fat spread myself. WAYNE That's very generous of you. MIRANDA You have to invest to restore balance to the world. Take our clean-energy project... WAYNE Sometimes the investment doesn't pay off. Sorry. 42. MIRANDA You have a practiced apathy, Mr. Wayne. But a man who doesn't care about the world doesn't spend half his fortune on a plan to save it... (Gentle.) And isn't so wounded when it fails that he goes into hiding... Wayne looks at Miranda. Intrigued. MIRANDA Have a good evening, Mr. Wayne. Wayne watches Miranda glide away. Then turns to Selina. WAYNE Mind if I cut in? Rich Twit turns, annoyed - Wayne hands him his cane. Takes Selina by the waist. She glares at him. WAYNE You don't seem very happy to see me. SELINA You were supposed to be a shut-in. WAYNE Felt like some fresh air. SELINA Why didn't you call the police? WAYNE I have a powerful friend who deals with this kind of thing. (Admires her cat ears.) Brazen costume for a cat burglar. SELINA Yeah? Who are you pretending to be? WAYNE Bruce Wayne, eccentric billionaire. Who's your date? SELINA His wife's in Ibiza. She left her diamonds behind, though. Worried they'd get stolen. 43. WAYNE It's pronounced 'Ibeetha'. You wouldn't want these folks realizing you're a crook not a social climber. SELINA (flash of anger) You think I care what anyone in this room thinks about me? WAYNE I doubt you care what anyone in this room thinks about you. SELINA Don't condescend, Mr. Wayne. You don't know a thing about me. WAYNE Well, Selina Kyle, I know you came here from your walk-up in Old Town - modest place for a master jewel thief. Which means either you're saving for your retirement - or you're in deep with the wrong people. SELINA You don't get to judge me because you were born in the master bedroom of Wayne Manor. WAYNE Actually, I was born in the Regency Room. SELINA I started off doing what I had to. Once you've done what you had to they'll never let you do what you want to. WAYNE Start fresh. SELINA There's no fresh start in today's world. Any twelve-year-old with a cell phone could find out what you did. Everything we do is collated and quantified. Everything sticks. We are the sum of our mistakes. 44. WAYNE Or our achievements. SELINA The mistakes stick better. Trust me. WAYNE You think that justifies stealing? SELINA I take what I need to from those who have more than enough. I don't stand on the shoulders of people with less. WAYNE Robin Hood? SELINA I'd do more to help someone than most of the people in this room. Than you. WAYNE Maybe you're assuming too much. SELINA Or maybe you're being unrealistic about what's really in your pants other than your wallet. WAYNE Ouch. SELINA You think all this can last? Wayne glances around at the sumptuous party. SELINA There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits you're all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little to the rest of us. WAYNE Sounds like you're looking forward to it. 45. SELINA I'm adaptable. WAYNE These pearls do look better on you then they did in my safe... Wayne rolls her into his shoulder - reaches up to the back of her neck, unclasps the necklace. But I still can't let you keep them. The pearls slide off her neck into his other hand. Selina looks at him. Angry. Then kisses him, hard, and disappears into the crowd. Wayne's cane reappears. RICH TWIT (ANNOYED) You scared her off. WAYNE Not likely. EXT. MUSEUM - MOMENTS LATER Wayne approaches the Valet. Pats down his pockets. WAYNE I must have lost my ticket - VALET Your wife said you were taking a cab home, sir. WAYNE My wife? INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI RACING DOWN STREETS - CONTINUOUS Selina permits herself a little smile as she guns the engine. INT. ROLLS ROYCE - LATER Alfred watches in the mirror as Wayne climbs into the back. ALFRED Just you, sir? Wayne gives him a withering glare. (MORE) 46. ALFRED (CONT'D) Don't worry, Master Wayne. Takes a little time to get back into the swing of things. Wayne dials his phone. FOX (O.S.) This is Fox. WAYNE Remember those 'unusual requests' I used to make? FOX (O.S.) I knew it! Up front, Alfred listens. Concerned. INT. BATCAVE - DAY Wayne pushes a button on a hi-tech carbon fiber brace strapped to his good knee - the brace tones. As Wayne starts moving his knee, bending, stretching, Alfred puts down a Thermos. ALFRED You've got the wrong leg, sir. WAYNE You start with the good limb so it learns your optimum muscle patterns. Wayne swaps the brace to his bad knee. Puts his weight on it - the knee bends, kicks. He sits again. Cautious. Now we tighten it up. Wayne gingerly pushes a button - the brace starts to shrink tight to his leg, digging in. Wayne grits his teeth. ALFRED It is terribly painful? WAYNE (GRITTED TEETH) You're welcome to try it, Alfred. ALFRED Happy watching, thank you, sir. Wayne shouts as the brace clicks home. He gets to his feet. 47. WAYNE Not bad - Wayne executes a perfect roundhouse, knocking out a brick. Not bad at all. Alfred picks up the brick. Considers it. Uneasy. He follows Wayne across the bridge to the cube. ALFRED Master Wayne, if you're considering going back out there you need to hear some rumors surrounding Bane. WAYNE I'm all ears. ALFRED There is a prison. In a more ancient part of the world. A pit. Where men are thrown to suffer and die. But sometimes, a man rises from the darkness. Sometimes...the pit sends something back. WAYNE Bane. ALFRED Born and raised in a hell on earth. WAYNE Born in a prison? ALFRED No one knows why. Or how he escaped. But they know who trained him one he did...R 's al Gh l. Your A U mentor. Wayne takes this in. Shocked. ALFRED He plucked Bane from a dark corner of the earth and trained him in the blackest disciplines of combat, deception and endurance. Just like you. WAYNE Bane was a member of the League of Shadows. 48. ALFRED Until he was excommunicated. And a man considered too extreme for R 's A al Gh l is not to be trifled with. U WAYNE I didn't realize I was known for trifling with criminals. ALFRED That was then. And you can strap up your leg and put the mask back on. But it won't make you what you were. WAYNE Which was? ALFRED Someone whose anger at death made him value all life. Even his own. WAYNE If this man is all the things you say he is, then this city needs me. The Batsuit emerges from the cube. ALFRED Yes, this city needs Bruce Wayne. Your resources, your knowledge...not your body. Not your life. That time has passed. WAYNE I tried helping as Bruce Wayne, Alfred. And I failed. ALFRED You can fail as Bruce Wayne. As Batman, you can't afford to. WAYNE That's what you're afraid of - that if I go back out there I'll fail. ALFRED No. I'm afraid that you want to. Wayne looks at Alfred. Then turns to examine the Batsuit. 49. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - EVENING A frenzy of trading on the packed floor... Two Traders sit on a shoeshine stand in the lobby. TRADER 2 You can't short the stock because Bruce Wayne goes to a party - TRADER 1 Wayne coming back is change. Change is either good or bad. TRADER 2 On what basis? TRADER 1 I flipped a coin. Near the front entrance: a Food Delivery Guy is standing there negotiating with a Trader. TRADER 3 No. Rye. I told 'em rye. Trader 3 spots bad news on a screen. Alright, I'll take it. He thrusts Food Guy a tip and grabs the bag, distracted... At the rear secure entrance: a Motorcycle Courier enters, wearing his helmet - a Female Security Guard gets in his face. FEMALE SECURITY GUARD Rookie! Lose the helmet! (Points at a camera.) We need faces for cameras. In the rest room: a Janitor mops the floor, shifting out of the way of two Traders who rush in to pee. At the shoeshine stand, Trader 1 waves a bill down at the man shining his shoes without a glance. Shoeshine Man takes the bill, then, as the Traders step off, he reaches into a gym bag and checks an automatic weapon. He clicks the slide home, then hoists the gym bag and heads for the trading floor. At the secure entrance: the Courier pulls off his helmet. The Female Security Guard's eyes go wide. 50. In the rest room: the Janitor reaches into his bucket and pulls out a machine pistol in a Ziploc bag. Near the front entrance: Food Guy pulls an automatic pistol - clubs Trader 3 with it, pastrami flying. Shoeshine Man moves onto the floor, pulls out his weapon. Under the Courier's helmet - a mask. Bane. He grabs the Female Security Guard and throws her into her colleagues, lashing out in four directions with rapidfire lethality. Shoeshine Man fires into the large trading screens. The floor erupts into a different frenzy - traders hit the deck, screaming. Bane moves onto the floor... TRADER 1 This is a stock exchange, there's no money you can steal - He dries up as Bane stops. Turns to him... BANE Why else would you people be here? Bane grabs Trader 1 by the throat and drags him across the floor to an online automated trades terminal... He puts the man's thumb onto the print reader - the screen lights up. BANE Enter your password. Or I send these men to your home. Trader 1, terrified, types in his password. Outside, sirens. Shoeshine man pulls out a USB drive with an antenna - plugs it into the computer - figures race across the screen... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Police vehicles screech into the narrow street - construction vehicles are blocking. Blake argues with a burly Construction Worker. BLAKE Move it, now! We've got a situation. CONSTRUCTION WORKER Where can I move it?! BLAKE That way! Blake points - but SWAT vehicles pile in, blocking. 51. BLAKE Get in your vehicle and stay there! Foley and the SWAT Commander, Allen, approach the entrance. The Market Security Chief walks up, frantic. SECURITY CHIEF You've gotta get in there! FOLEY This is a hostage situation - SECURITY CHIEF It's a robbery! They've got direct access to the online trading desk. FOLEY I'm not risking my men for your MONEY - SECURITY CHIEF It's not our money, it's everyone's! ALLEN Really? Mine's in my mattress. SECURITY CHIEF If you don't shut these guys down, the stuffing in that mattress might be worth a whole lot less, pal. FOLEY Cut the fiber line - shut down the cell tower. That'll slow them down. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Shoeshine Man looks up from the laptop. SHOESHINE MAN They cut the fiber. Cell's working. BANE For now. How much longer does the program need? SHOESHINE MAN Eight minutes. 52. BANE Time to go mobile. Shoeshine Man picks up the laptop, slips it into his pack... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Allen shouts at his men. ALLEN Get the barriers up - no more in and out on this street! Steel wedge-shaped barriers rise up at the mouth of the street. A Sniper watches the doors through a thermal scope. Six large heat signatures bloom, too big for people... SNIPER I've got something - The door explodes. SWATs duck, six sportbikes race out and leap the ramp-like barricades, sending SWATs scattering. Cops scramble to pull their vehicles out to give chase. EXT. GOTHAM STREET - CONTINUOUS The bikes weave through traffic, Traders strapped to the back, facing backwards - screaming, ties flying in the wind. A cruiser falls in behind. ROOKIE COP Shoot the tires! A Veteran Cop sights a shot, but the Traders are in the way. VETERAN COP No shot! EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Foley is barking into his radio. FOLEY Back off, back off! They've got hostages! 53. INT./EXT. CRUISER ON GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS The cruiser follows the bike into a large tunnel. A Rookie Cop looks up into his rear-view. ROOKIE COP What's going on with the lights? The Veteran Cop looks back - streetlights and headlights are dying one after another. The darkness is chasing them - the darkness hits them. Their lights, sirens, and engine die... And, out of the silence, a dark shape roars past - VETERAN COP It can't be... ROOKIE COP The hell was that?! VETERAN COP Oh boy. You're in for a show tonight, son. EXT. HIGHWAY - CONTINUOUS Food Guy drives the rear bike. He looks back - sees streetlights explode behind him - darkness catching him up. The engine chokes and dies.

shots

How many times the word 'shots' appears in the text?

- CONTINUOUS The SWATs return fire. The Thugs lay down cover fire, then race around a corner into a smaller passage. A cop car pulls up, blocking the mouth of the alley - Gordon jumps out, gun drawn. The SWATs approach the passage, massing on both corners tactically. The two corner SWATs exchange hand signals, counting down... They round the corner, aiming low and high. The passage is empty. The SWATs cover a fire escape, but Gordon spots at once - GORDON Manhole! He races to the manhole cover - SWATs wrench off the cover, Gordon grabs a flashlight from the nearest SWAT. GORDON You three, down with me. You two, head down to cover the next exit - SWAT Where -? GORDON Get the DWP down here, now! Gordon starts climbing down the ladder... INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon moves down the tunnel, flashlight low. Three SWATs fall in behind... 27. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake comes into the alley. Cops surround the manhole. COP Where's the DWP guy? BLAKE They went down there? FOLEY (shaking his head) And Gordon took SWAT in after them. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon hears a noise up ahead - pushes forward, rounds the corner. BANG! GUNFIRE. SWATs return fire, shots sparking off the concrete walls, then - BOOM - behind him the tunnel ERUPTS IN FIRE, blasting the SWATs. Gordon races forward, tearing through the tunnels. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake jumps back as a fireball bursts out of the manhole. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon races around a corner, gun drawn. A noise makes him turn - WHACK, he is clobbered from behind by a Thug. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake pushes forward. BLAKE Come on, we gotta get down there - COP That was a gas explosion, kid - BLAKE Gas? This is a sewer! FOLEY No one goes in there till we know what's down there. 28. BLAKE We know what's down there, sir. The Police Commissioner! FOLEY Somebody get the hothead out of here. And get me a DWP guy! Blake backs off. Gets an idea - goes for his patrol car. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Thug 1 flips Gordon onto his back. THUG 1 This one's alive. (Looks closer.) Jesus. It's the Police Commissioner. THUG 2 What do we do? THUG 1 Take him to Bane. The two Thugs drag Gordon down through the maze of tunnels. As they descend deeper they encounter work crews of muscular men wielding large drills and jackhammers, working the walls and ceiling of the larger tunnels. Some of the men are armed Mercenaries, overseeing gangs of homeless street kids. They stare as Gordon is dragged past. The Thugs drag Gordon between two waterfalls, into - INT. BANE'S LAIR, SEWERS - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT) They approach a figure, turned away, crouched in the firelight. Bare-chested, muscular, masked. Bane. A crooked line of scar tissue runs the length of his spine... BANE Why are you here? The Thugs drop Gordon at Bane's feet. THUG 1 Answer him! Bane slowly turns to the Thugs. 29. BANE I'm asking you. THUG 1 It's the Police Commissioner. BANE And you brought him down here? THUG 2 We didn't know what to do. We - BANE You panicked. And your weakness costs three lives. THUG 1 No, he's alone - Bane flips the Thug's chin up and to the side with a crack. Thug 1 drops. Bane turns to Thug 2. BANE Search him. Then I will kill you. The Thug, terrified, pulls out Gordon's badge, wallet, gun...and the folded papers of the speech he did not read. Bane takes these one by one with quick glances. He stops at the papers. Unfolds them... As he reads, Gordon rolls off the steps, dropping into the rushing flow of water - gunshots ring out... THUG 2 He's dead. Thug 2 trails off as Bane looks up from the papers... BANE Then show me his body. THUG 2 That water runs to any one of the outflows - we'd never find him. Bane turns to the Lead Mercenary. BANE Give me your GPS. Lead Mercenary hands him a GPS - Bane tucks it into Thug 2's jacket, zips it up like a mother sending her kid to school. 30. BANE Follow him. THUG 2 Follow him? Bane shoots Thug 2, kicks him into the water. Turns to Lead Mercenary. BANE Track him. Make sure both bodies will not be found. Then brick up the south tunnel. EXT. WATER TREATMENT FACILITY - NIGHT Blake comes out to the catchment basin. He spots something stuck up against the grille, thrusts his hand into the raging waters - Gordon is there, alive. Just. Blake pulls him up onto the concrete, hoists him up, hurrying... INT. FRONT HALL, WAYNE MANOR - DAY Alfred opens the door to reveal Blake in his dirty uniform. BLAKE I need to see Bruce Wayne. ALFRED I'm sorry, Mr. Wayne doesn't take unscheduled calls. Even from police officers. BLAKE And if I go get a warrant, in the investigation of Harvey Dent's murder? Would that still count as unscheduled? INT. STUDY, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Blake is sitting, drumming his leg, nervous. Wayne enters. WAYNE What can I do for you, officer? BLAKE Commissioner Gordon's been shot. 31. WAYNE I'm sorry to hear that - BLAKE He chased a gunman down into the sewers. When I pulled him out he was babbling about an underground army. A masked man called 'Bane'. WAYNE Shouldn't you be telling this to your superior officers? BLAKE I did. One of them asked if he saw any giant alligators down there. He needs you. He needs the Batman. WAYNE If Commissioner Gordon thinks I'm the Batman he must be in a bad way - BLAKE He doesn't know or care who you are. (Off look.) But we've met before. When I was a kid. At the orphanage. See, my mom died when I was small. Car accident, I don't really remember it. But a couple of years later my dad was shot over a gambling debt. I remember that just fine. (Looks at Wayne.) Not a lot of people who know what it feels like, do they? To be angry. In your bones. People understand, foster parents understand. For a while. Then they expect the angry kid to do what he knows he can never do. To move on. To forget. Wayne stares at Blake. BLAKE So they stopped understanding and sent the angry kid to a boys' home - St. Swithin's. Used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation. See, I figured it out too late. You have to hide the anger. Practice smiling in the mirror. Like putting on a mask. You showed up one day in a cool car, pretty girl on your arm. (MORE) 32. BLAKE (CONT'D) We were so excited - Bruce Wayne, billionaire orphan. We made up stories about you. Legends. The other boys' stories were just that. But when I saw you I knew who you really were... (Beat.) I'd seen that look on your face. Same one I taught myself. Blake gets up to leave. Wayne is lost in thought. BLAKE I don't know why you took the fall for Dent's murder, but I'm still a believer in the Batman. Even if you're not. WAYNE Why did you say your boys' home used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation? BLAKE Because the money stopped. Might be time to get some fresh air and start paying attention to the details. Some of those details might need your help. INT. HALL, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Wayne and Alfred watch Blake drive away. WAYNE You checked that name? 'Bane' - ALFRED Ran it through some databases. He's a mercenary. No other known name. Never been seen or photographed without a mask. He and his men were behind a coup in West Africa that secured mining operations for our friend John Daggett. WAYNE Now Daggett's brought them here? ALFRED It would seem so. I'll keep digging. 33. Alfred turns to leave. WAYNE Why did the Wayne Foundation stop funding boys' homes in the city? ALFRED The Foundation is funded from the profits of Wayne Enterprises... (Off look.) There have to be some. WAYNE Time to talk to Mr. Fox, I think. ALFRED I'll get him on the phone - WAYNE No. Do we still have any cars around the place? ALFRED (LIGHTS UP) One or two. WAYNE And I need an appointment at the hospital. About my leg. ALFRED Which hospital, sir? WAYNE Whichever one Jim Gordon's in. Alfred is less excited by this part of the request. EXT. WAYNE ENTERPRISES - DAY Moving towards the tall skyscraper downtown. MIRANDA (V.O.) Mr. Fox, I believe in what Mr. Wayne was trying to do... INT. BOARDROOM, WAYNE ENTERPRISES - CONTINUOUS Miranda is talking to Lucius Fox at the table. 34. MIRANDA I'm only asking for explanations because I think I can help. FOX I'll pass along your request. Next time I see him. Miranda catches something in this. MIRANDA He doesn't talk to you either? FOX Let's just say that Bruce Wayne has his...eccentricities. MIRANDA (RISING) Mr. Fox, are you aware that John Daggett is trying to acquire shares in Wayne Enterprises? FOX I was not. But it wouldn't do him any good - Mr. Wayne still retains a clear majority. Miranda leaves. Fox moves into his office - stops. FOX Bruce Wayne. As I live and breathe. Wayne rises, pushing hard on his cane. FOX What brings you out of cryo-sleep Mr. Wayne? WAYNE I see you haven't lost your sense of humor...even if you have lost most of my money. FOX Actually, you did that yourself. See, if you funnel the entire R and D budget for five years into a fusion project that you then mothball, your company is unlikely to thrive. 35. WAYNE Even with - FOX A wildly sophisticated CEO, yes. Wayne Enterprises is running out of time. And Daggett is moving in. WAYNE What're my options? FOX If you're not willing to turn your machine on - WAYNE I can't, Lucius. FOX Then sit tight. Your majority keeps Daggett at arm's length while we figure out a future for the energy program with Miranda Tate - she's supported your project all the way. She's smart, and quite lovely. WAYNE You too, Lucius? FOX We all just want what's best for you, Bruce. Show her the machine. WAYNE I'll think it over. FOX Anything else? WAYNE No, why? FOX These conversations always used to end with some...unusual requests. WAYNE I retired. FOX Let me show you some stuff, anyway. Fox hits a button - the bookcase opens into a hidden elevator. 36. INT. APPLIED SCIENCES - MOMENTS LATER Fox leads Wayne into the vast, gadget-filled space. They pass Tumblers with different weapons configurations... WAYNE I figured you'd have shut this place down. FOX It was always shut down, officially. WAYNE But all this new stuff? FOX After your father died, Wayne Enterprises set up fourteen different defense subsidiaries. I've spent years shuttering them and consolidating all the prototypes under one roof. My roof. WAYNE Why? FOX Stop them falling into the wrong hands. Besides, I thought someone might get some use out of them... Wayne shakes his head. FOX Sure I can't tempt you to something? Pneumatic crampons? Infrared lenses? Least let me get you something for that leg. WAYNE It's fine the use it gets these days. FOX Well, then I have just the thing for an eccentric billionaire who doesn't like to walk... Fox opens a door - we glimpse a sleek vehicle. Wayne's eyes light up. 37. WAYNE Now you're just showing off. FOX Defense Department project for tight-geometry urban pacification. Rotors configured for maneuvering between buildings without recirculation. WAYNE What's it called? FOX It has a long and uninteresting Wayne Enterprises designation. So I took to calling it the Bat. And yes, Mr. Wayne, it does come in black. Wayne touches its sleek side. Marveling. FOX Works great except for the autopilot. WAYNE What's wrong with that? FOX Software-based instability. Take a better mind than mine to fix it. WAYNE Better mind? FOX I was trying to be modest. A less busy mind. Yours, perhaps. Wayne looks wistfully at the machine. Turns away. WAYNE I told you. I retired, Lucius. INT. EXAMINATION ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - NIGHT Wayne listens, distracted, while a Doctor examines an X-ray. DOCTOR I've seen worse cartilage in knees - 38. WAYNE That's good - DOCTOR No, that's because there is no cartilage in your knee. And not much of any use in your elbows and shoulders. Between that and the scar tissue on your kidneys, residual concussive damage to your brain tissue and general scarred-over quality of your body... (Takes a deep breath.) I cannot recommend that you go heli-skiing. About the only part of your body that looks healthy is your liver, so if you're bored I recommend you take up drinking, Mr. Wayne. Wayne smiles. The Doctor leaves. Wayne pulls on a ski mask, steps to the window, hops up, pulls a wire from his cane, which he clips to his belt. He props his cane behind the frame - jumps out. The wire unspools from the cane as - EXT. TENTH FLOOR, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS Wayne drops three floors... INT. PRIVATE ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL - CONTINUOUS Gordon lies in his bed, hooked up to machines. Wayne, in ski mask, stands over him. Gordon's eyes flutter open. He tries to speak with a weak, hoarse voice... GORDON We were in this together. Then you were gone... WAYNE The Batman wasn't needed anymore. We won. GORDON Built on a lie. Our lie. Now there's evil rising from where we tried to bury it. Nobody will listen... The Batman has to come back. 39. WAYNE What if he doesn't exist anymore? GORDON He must. He must. INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI ON GOTHAM STREETS - NIGHT Wayne pulls up in front of a row of shabby subdivided town houses. Checks a tracking device. Jon, provocatively dressed, leads a Yuppie Banker-type in through a front door. INT. SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Selina sits in a small room getting ready to go out. She picks up the pearls - hears a disturbance in the hall. JEN (O.S.) I told you - money first - YUPPIE (O.S.) Goddammit, you took my wallet! INT. STAIRWELL OUTSIDE SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS The Yuppie has Jen against the wall - he reaches back to hit her with an expensive wristwatch-clad arm. But Selina has grabbed his wrist with a powerful grip. SELINA Get out. YUPPIE She took my wallet! Selina twists his arm behind him in a blinding move. SELINA Now. She releases the Yuppie, who moves off down the stairs. Selina turns to Jen. Who is examining a wallet. SELINA I told you not to try it with the assholes, Jen. JEN They're all assholes. 40. SELINA Okay, the assholes who hit. JEN I don't know what he's so upset about, he only had sixty bucks in here. SELINA Probably the watch. YOUNG WOMAN Watch? Selina opens her hand and gives Jen the Yuppie's Rolex. EXT. SELINA'S BUILDING, OLD TOWN, GOTHAM - LATER Selina exits and hails a cab. Wayne watches her go. Then pulls out. Checking his tracker. EXT. MUSEUM, GOTHAM - LATER Town cars dispense Gotham society in tasteful masquerade. Wayne pulls up to the Valet. Paparazzi line the entrance. Wayne uses his cane to get out of his Lamborghini... PAPARAZZI Another stiff too old to climb out of his sports car. PAPARAZZI 2 No, that's Bruce Wayne! Hey, Wayne, where you been hiding? Lenses swing onto Wayne, who pushes a button on his key fob - a pulse. The cameras die. Wayne heads to the door. WAYNE I'm not sure if my assistant put me on the guest list - GREETER Right through here, Mr. Wayne... 41. INT. MUSEUM - CONTINUOUS A lavish ball - the expressively attired dance under falling confetti... Even Bruce Wayne is struck by the ostentation. He spots Selina dancing with a deeply smitten Rich Twit. She wears a small, velvet pair of cat ears. And the pearls. MIRANDA (O.S) Bruce Wayne at a charity ball? Wayne turns to find Miranda Tate, amazed, a small mask her only concession to fancy dress. WAYNE Miss Tate, isn't it? MIRANDA Even before you became a recluse, you never came to these things... WAYNE True. Proceeds go to the big fat spread, not the cause. It's not about charity, it's about feeding the ego of whichever society hag laid it on. MIRANDA Actually, this is my party, Mr. Wayne. WAYNE Oh. MIRANDA And the proceeds will go where they should, because I paid for the big fat spread myself. WAYNE That's very generous of you. MIRANDA You have to invest to restore balance to the world. Take our clean-energy project... WAYNE Sometimes the investment doesn't pay off. Sorry. 42. MIRANDA You have a practiced apathy, Mr. Wayne. But a man who doesn't care about the world doesn't spend half his fortune on a plan to save it... (Gentle.) And isn't so wounded when it fails that he goes into hiding... Wayne looks at Miranda. Intrigued. MIRANDA Have a good evening, Mr. Wayne. Wayne watches Miranda glide away. Then turns to Selina. WAYNE Mind if I cut in? Rich Twit turns, annoyed - Wayne hands him his cane. Takes Selina by the waist. She glares at him. WAYNE You don't seem very happy to see me. SELINA You were supposed to be a shut-in. WAYNE Felt like some fresh air. SELINA Why didn't you call the police? WAYNE I have a powerful friend who deals with this kind of thing. (Admires her cat ears.) Brazen costume for a cat burglar. SELINA Yeah? Who are you pretending to be? WAYNE Bruce Wayne, eccentric billionaire. Who's your date? SELINA His wife's in Ibiza. She left her diamonds behind, though. Worried they'd get stolen. 43. WAYNE It's pronounced 'Ibeetha'. You wouldn't want these folks realizing you're a crook not a social climber. SELINA (flash of anger) You think I care what anyone in this room thinks about me? WAYNE I doubt you care what anyone in this room thinks about you. SELINA Don't condescend, Mr. Wayne. You don't know a thing about me. WAYNE Well, Selina Kyle, I know you came here from your walk-up in Old Town - modest place for a master jewel thief. Which means either you're saving for your retirement - or you're in deep with the wrong people. SELINA You don't get to judge me because you were born in the master bedroom of Wayne Manor. WAYNE Actually, I was born in the Regency Room. SELINA I started off doing what I had to. Once you've done what you had to they'll never let you do what you want to. WAYNE Start fresh. SELINA There's no fresh start in today's world. Any twelve-year-old with a cell phone could find out what you did. Everything we do is collated and quantified. Everything sticks. We are the sum of our mistakes. 44. WAYNE Or our achievements. SELINA The mistakes stick better. Trust me. WAYNE You think that justifies stealing? SELINA I take what I need to from those who have more than enough. I don't stand on the shoulders of people with less. WAYNE Robin Hood? SELINA I'd do more to help someone than most of the people in this room. Than you. WAYNE Maybe you're assuming too much. SELINA Or maybe you're being unrealistic about what's really in your pants other than your wallet. WAYNE Ouch. SELINA You think all this can last? Wayne glances around at the sumptuous party. SELINA There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits you're all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little to the rest of us. WAYNE Sounds like you're looking forward to it. 45. SELINA I'm adaptable. WAYNE These pearls do look better on you then they did in my safe... Wayne rolls her into his shoulder - reaches up to the back of her neck, unclasps the necklace. But I still can't let you keep them. The pearls slide off her neck into his other hand. Selina looks at him. Angry. Then kisses him, hard, and disappears into the crowd. Wayne's cane reappears. RICH TWIT (ANNOYED) You scared her off. WAYNE Not likely. EXT. MUSEUM - MOMENTS LATER Wayne approaches the Valet. Pats down his pockets. WAYNE I must have lost my ticket - VALET Your wife said you were taking a cab home, sir. WAYNE My wife? INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI RACING DOWN STREETS - CONTINUOUS Selina permits herself a little smile as she guns the engine. INT. ROLLS ROYCE - LATER Alfred watches in the mirror as Wayne climbs into the back. ALFRED Just you, sir? Wayne gives him a withering glare. (MORE) 46. ALFRED (CONT'D) Don't worry, Master Wayne. Takes a little time to get back into the swing of things. Wayne dials his phone. FOX (O.S.) This is Fox. WAYNE Remember those 'unusual requests' I used to make? FOX (O.S.) I knew it! Up front, Alfred listens. Concerned. INT. BATCAVE - DAY Wayne pushes a button on a hi-tech carbon fiber brace strapped to his good knee - the brace tones. As Wayne starts moving his knee, bending, stretching, Alfred puts down a Thermos. ALFRED You've got the wrong leg, sir. WAYNE You start with the good limb so it learns your optimum muscle patterns. Wayne swaps the brace to his bad knee. Puts his weight on it - the knee bends, kicks. He sits again. Cautious. Now we tighten it up. Wayne gingerly pushes a button - the brace starts to shrink tight to his leg, digging in. Wayne grits his teeth. ALFRED It is terribly painful? WAYNE (GRITTED TEETH) You're welcome to try it, Alfred. ALFRED Happy watching, thank you, sir. Wayne shouts as the brace clicks home. He gets to his feet. 47. WAYNE Not bad - Wayne executes a perfect roundhouse, knocking out a brick. Not bad at all. Alfred picks up the brick. Considers it. Uneasy. He follows Wayne across the bridge to the cube. ALFRED Master Wayne, if you're considering going back out there you need to hear some rumors surrounding Bane. WAYNE I'm all ears. ALFRED There is a prison. In a more ancient part of the world. A pit. Where men are thrown to suffer and die. But sometimes, a man rises from the darkness. Sometimes...the pit sends something back. WAYNE Bane. ALFRED Born and raised in a hell on earth. WAYNE Born in a prison? ALFRED No one knows why. Or how he escaped. But they know who trained him one he did...R 's al Gh l. Your A U mentor. Wayne takes this in. Shocked. ALFRED He plucked Bane from a dark corner of the earth and trained him in the blackest disciplines of combat, deception and endurance. Just like you. WAYNE Bane was a member of the League of Shadows. 48. ALFRED Until he was excommunicated. And a man considered too extreme for R 's A al Gh l is not to be trifled with. U WAYNE I didn't realize I was known for trifling with criminals. ALFRED That was then. And you can strap up your leg and put the mask back on. But it won't make you what you were. WAYNE Which was? ALFRED Someone whose anger at death made him value all life. Even his own. WAYNE If this man is all the things you say he is, then this city needs me. The Batsuit emerges from the cube. ALFRED Yes, this city needs Bruce Wayne. Your resources, your knowledge...not your body. Not your life. That time has passed. WAYNE I tried helping as Bruce Wayne, Alfred. And I failed. ALFRED You can fail as Bruce Wayne. As Batman, you can't afford to. WAYNE That's what you're afraid of - that if I go back out there I'll fail. ALFRED No. I'm afraid that you want to. Wayne looks at Alfred. Then turns to examine the Batsuit. 49. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - EVENING A frenzy of trading on the packed floor... Two Traders sit on a shoeshine stand in the lobby. TRADER 2 You can't short the stock because Bruce Wayne goes to a party - TRADER 1 Wayne coming back is change. Change is either good or bad. TRADER 2 On what basis? TRADER 1 I flipped a coin. Near the front entrance: a Food Delivery Guy is standing there negotiating with a Trader. TRADER 3 No. Rye. I told 'em rye. Trader 3 spots bad news on a screen. Alright, I'll take it. He thrusts Food Guy a tip and grabs the bag, distracted... At the rear secure entrance: a Motorcycle Courier enters, wearing his helmet - a Female Security Guard gets in his face. FEMALE SECURITY GUARD Rookie! Lose the helmet! (Points at a camera.) We need faces for cameras. In the rest room: a Janitor mops the floor, shifting out of the way of two Traders who rush in to pee. At the shoeshine stand, Trader 1 waves a bill down at the man shining his shoes without a glance. Shoeshine Man takes the bill, then, as the Traders step off, he reaches into a gym bag and checks an automatic weapon. He clicks the slide home, then hoists the gym bag and heads for the trading floor. At the secure entrance: the Courier pulls off his helmet. The Female Security Guard's eyes go wide. 50. In the rest room: the Janitor reaches into his bucket and pulls out a machine pistol in a Ziploc bag. Near the front entrance: Food Guy pulls an automatic pistol - clubs Trader 3 with it, pastrami flying. Shoeshine Man moves onto the floor, pulls out his weapon. Under the Courier's helmet - a mask. Bane. He grabs the Female Security Guard and throws her into her colleagues, lashing out in four directions with rapidfire lethality. Shoeshine Man fires into the large trading screens. The floor erupts into a different frenzy - traders hit the deck, screaming. Bane moves onto the floor... TRADER 1 This is a stock exchange, there's no money you can steal - He dries up as Bane stops. Turns to him... BANE Why else would you people be here? Bane grabs Trader 1 by the throat and drags him across the floor to an online automated trades terminal... He puts the man's thumb onto the print reader - the screen lights up. BANE Enter your password. Or I send these men to your home. Trader 1, terrified, types in his password. Outside, sirens. Shoeshine man pulls out a USB drive with an antenna - plugs it into the computer - figures race across the screen... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Police vehicles screech into the narrow street - construction vehicles are blocking. Blake argues with a burly Construction Worker. BLAKE Move it, now! We've got a situation. CONSTRUCTION WORKER Where can I move it?! BLAKE That way! Blake points - but SWAT vehicles pile in, blocking. 51. BLAKE Get in your vehicle and stay there! Foley and the SWAT Commander, Allen, approach the entrance. The Market Security Chief walks up, frantic. SECURITY CHIEF You've gotta get in there! FOLEY This is a hostage situation - SECURITY CHIEF It's a robbery! They've got direct access to the online trading desk. FOLEY I'm not risking my men for your MONEY - SECURITY CHIEF It's not our money, it's everyone's! ALLEN Really? Mine's in my mattress. SECURITY CHIEF If you don't shut these guys down, the stuffing in that mattress might be worth a whole lot less, pal. FOLEY Cut the fiber line - shut down the cell tower. That'll slow them down. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Shoeshine Man looks up from the laptop. SHOESHINE MAN They cut the fiber. Cell's working. BANE For now. How much longer does the program need? SHOESHINE MAN Eight minutes. 52. BANE Time to go mobile. Shoeshine Man picks up the laptop, slips it into his pack... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Allen shouts at his men. ALLEN Get the barriers up - no more in and out on this street! Steel wedge-shaped barriers rise up at the mouth of the street. A Sniper watches the doors through a thermal scope. Six large heat signatures bloom, too big for people... SNIPER I've got something - The door explodes. SWATs duck, six sportbikes race out and leap the ramp-like barricades, sending SWATs scattering. Cops scramble to pull their vehicles out to give chase. EXT. GOTHAM STREET - CONTINUOUS The bikes weave through traffic, Traders strapped to the back, facing backwards - screaming, ties flying in the wind. A cruiser falls in behind. ROOKIE COP Shoot the tires! A Veteran Cop sights a shot, but the Traders are in the way. VETERAN COP No shot! EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Foley is barking into his radio. FOLEY Back off, back off! They've got hostages! 53. INT./EXT. CRUISER ON GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS The cruiser follows the bike into a large tunnel. A Rookie Cop looks up into his rear-view. ROOKIE COP What's going on with the lights? The Veteran Cop looks back - streetlights and headlights are dying one after another. The darkness is chasing them - the darkness hits them. Their lights, sirens, and engine die... And, out of the silence, a dark shape roars past - VETERAN COP It can't be... ROOKIE COP The hell was that?! VETERAN COP Oh boy. You're in for a show tonight, son. EXT. HIGHWAY - CONTINUOUS Food Guy drives the rear bike. He looks back - sees streetlights explode behind him - darkness catching him up. The engine chokes and dies.

assholes

How many times the word 'assholes' appears in the text?

- CONTINUOUS The SWATs return fire. The Thugs lay down cover fire, then race around a corner into a smaller passage. A cop car pulls up, blocking the mouth of the alley - Gordon jumps out, gun drawn. The SWATs approach the passage, massing on both corners tactically. The two corner SWATs exchange hand signals, counting down... They round the corner, aiming low and high. The passage is empty. The SWATs cover a fire escape, but Gordon spots at once - GORDON Manhole! He races to the manhole cover - SWATs wrench off the cover, Gordon grabs a flashlight from the nearest SWAT. GORDON You three, down with me. You two, head down to cover the next exit - SWAT Where -? GORDON Get the DWP down here, now! Gordon starts climbing down the ladder... INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon moves down the tunnel, flashlight low. Three SWATs fall in behind... 27. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake comes into the alley. Cops surround the manhole. COP Where's the DWP guy? BLAKE They went down there? FOLEY (shaking his head) And Gordon took SWAT in after them. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon hears a noise up ahead - pushes forward, rounds the corner. BANG! GUNFIRE. SWATs return fire, shots sparking off the concrete walls, then - BOOM - behind him the tunnel ERUPTS IN FIRE, blasting the SWATs. Gordon races forward, tearing through the tunnels. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake jumps back as a fireball bursts out of the manhole. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon races around a corner, gun drawn. A noise makes him turn - WHACK, he is clobbered from behind by a Thug. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake pushes forward. BLAKE Come on, we gotta get down there - COP That was a gas explosion, kid - BLAKE Gas? This is a sewer! FOLEY No one goes in there till we know what's down there. 28. BLAKE We know what's down there, sir. The Police Commissioner! FOLEY Somebody get the hothead out of here. And get me a DWP guy! Blake backs off. Gets an idea - goes for his patrol car. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Thug 1 flips Gordon onto his back. THUG 1 This one's alive. (Looks closer.) Jesus. It's the Police Commissioner. THUG 2 What do we do? THUG 1 Take him to Bane. The two Thugs drag Gordon down through the maze of tunnels. As they descend deeper they encounter work crews of muscular men wielding large drills and jackhammers, working the walls and ceiling of the larger tunnels. Some of the men are armed Mercenaries, overseeing gangs of homeless street kids. They stare as Gordon is dragged past. The Thugs drag Gordon between two waterfalls, into - INT. BANE'S LAIR, SEWERS - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT) They approach a figure, turned away, crouched in the firelight. Bare-chested, muscular, masked. Bane. A crooked line of scar tissue runs the length of his spine... BANE Why are you here? The Thugs drop Gordon at Bane's feet. THUG 1 Answer him! Bane slowly turns to the Thugs. 29. BANE I'm asking you. THUG 1 It's the Police Commissioner. BANE And you brought him down here? THUG 2 We didn't know what to do. We - BANE You panicked. And your weakness costs three lives. THUG 1 No, he's alone - Bane flips the Thug's chin up and to the side with a crack. Thug 1 drops. Bane turns to Thug 2. BANE Search him. Then I will kill you. The Thug, terrified, pulls out Gordon's badge, wallet, gun...and the folded papers of the speech he did not read. Bane takes these one by one with quick glances. He stops at the papers. Unfolds them... As he reads, Gordon rolls off the steps, dropping into the rushing flow of water - gunshots ring out... THUG 2 He's dead. Thug 2 trails off as Bane looks up from the papers... BANE Then show me his body. THUG 2 That water runs to any one of the outflows - we'd never find him. Bane turns to the Lead Mercenary. BANE Give me your GPS. Lead Mercenary hands him a GPS - Bane tucks it into Thug 2's jacket, zips it up like a mother sending her kid to school. 30. BANE Follow him. THUG 2 Follow him? Bane shoots Thug 2, kicks him into the water. Turns to Lead Mercenary. BANE Track him. Make sure both bodies will not be found. Then brick up the south tunnel. EXT. WATER TREATMENT FACILITY - NIGHT Blake comes out to the catchment basin. He spots something stuck up against the grille, thrusts his hand into the raging waters - Gordon is there, alive. Just. Blake pulls him up onto the concrete, hoists him up, hurrying... INT. FRONT HALL, WAYNE MANOR - DAY Alfred opens the door to reveal Blake in his dirty uniform. BLAKE I need to see Bruce Wayne. ALFRED I'm sorry, Mr. Wayne doesn't take unscheduled calls. Even from police officers. BLAKE And if I go get a warrant, in the investigation of Harvey Dent's murder? Would that still count as unscheduled? INT. STUDY, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Blake is sitting, drumming his leg, nervous. Wayne enters. WAYNE What can I do for you, officer? BLAKE Commissioner Gordon's been shot. 31. WAYNE I'm sorry to hear that - BLAKE He chased a gunman down into the sewers. When I pulled him out he was babbling about an underground army. A masked man called 'Bane'. WAYNE Shouldn't you be telling this to your superior officers? BLAKE I did. One of them asked if he saw any giant alligators down there. He needs you. He needs the Batman. WAYNE If Commissioner Gordon thinks I'm the Batman he must be in a bad way - BLAKE He doesn't know or care who you are. (Off look.) But we've met before. When I was a kid. At the orphanage. See, my mom died when I was small. Car accident, I don't really remember it. But a couple of years later my dad was shot over a gambling debt. I remember that just fine. (Looks at Wayne.) Not a lot of people who know what it feels like, do they? To be angry. In your bones. People understand, foster parents understand. For a while. Then they expect the angry kid to do what he knows he can never do. To move on. To forget. Wayne stares at Blake. BLAKE So they stopped understanding and sent the angry kid to a boys' home - St. Swithin's. Used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation. See, I figured it out too late. You have to hide the anger. Practice smiling in the mirror. Like putting on a mask. You showed up one day in a cool car, pretty girl on your arm. (MORE) 32. BLAKE (CONT'D) We were so excited - Bruce Wayne, billionaire orphan. We made up stories about you. Legends. The other boys' stories were just that. But when I saw you I knew who you really were... (Beat.) I'd seen that look on your face. Same one I taught myself. Blake gets up to leave. Wayne is lost in thought. BLAKE I don't know why you took the fall for Dent's murder, but I'm still a believer in the Batman. Even if you're not. WAYNE Why did you say your boys' home used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation? BLAKE Because the money stopped. Might be time to get some fresh air and start paying attention to the details. Some of those details might need your help. INT. HALL, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Wayne and Alfred watch Blake drive away. WAYNE You checked that name? 'Bane' - ALFRED Ran it through some databases. He's a mercenary. No other known name. Never been seen or photographed without a mask. He and his men were behind a coup in West Africa that secured mining operations for our friend John Daggett. WAYNE Now Daggett's brought them here? ALFRED It would seem so. I'll keep digging. 33. Alfred turns to leave. WAYNE Why did the Wayne Foundation stop funding boys' homes in the city? ALFRED The Foundation is funded from the profits of Wayne Enterprises... (Off look.) There have to be some. WAYNE Time to talk to Mr. Fox, I think. ALFRED I'll get him on the phone - WAYNE No. Do we still have any cars around the place? ALFRED (LIGHTS UP) One or two. WAYNE And I need an appointment at the hospital. About my leg. ALFRED Which hospital, sir? WAYNE Whichever one Jim Gordon's in. Alfred is less excited by this part of the request. EXT. WAYNE ENTERPRISES - DAY Moving towards the tall skyscraper downtown. MIRANDA (V.O.) Mr. Fox, I believe in what Mr. Wayne was trying to do... INT. BOARDROOM, WAYNE ENTERPRISES - CONTINUOUS Miranda is talking to Lucius Fox at the table. 34. MIRANDA I'm only asking for explanations because I think I can help. FOX I'll pass along your request. Next time I see him. Miranda catches something in this. MIRANDA He doesn't talk to you either? FOX Let's just say that Bruce Wayne has his...eccentricities. MIRANDA (RISING) Mr. Fox, are you aware that John Daggett is trying to acquire shares in Wayne Enterprises? FOX I was not. But it wouldn't do him any good - Mr. Wayne still retains a clear majority. Miranda leaves. Fox moves into his office - stops. FOX Bruce Wayne. As I live and breathe. Wayne rises, pushing hard on his cane. FOX What brings you out of cryo-sleep Mr. Wayne? WAYNE I see you haven't lost your sense of humor...even if you have lost most of my money. FOX Actually, you did that yourself. See, if you funnel the entire R and D budget for five years into a fusion project that you then mothball, your company is unlikely to thrive. 35. WAYNE Even with - FOX A wildly sophisticated CEO, yes. Wayne Enterprises is running out of time. And Daggett is moving in. WAYNE What're my options? FOX If you're not willing to turn your machine on - WAYNE I can't, Lucius. FOX Then sit tight. Your majority keeps Daggett at arm's length while we figure out a future for the energy program with Miranda Tate - she's supported your project all the way. She's smart, and quite lovely. WAYNE You too, Lucius? FOX We all just want what's best for you, Bruce. Show her the machine. WAYNE I'll think it over. FOX Anything else? WAYNE No, why? FOX These conversations always used to end with some...unusual requests. WAYNE I retired. FOX Let me show you some stuff, anyway. Fox hits a button - the bookcase opens into a hidden elevator. 36. INT. APPLIED SCIENCES - MOMENTS LATER Fox leads Wayne into the vast, gadget-filled space. They pass Tumblers with different weapons configurations... WAYNE I figured you'd have shut this place down. FOX It was always shut down, officially. WAYNE But all this new stuff? FOX After your father died, Wayne Enterprises set up fourteen different defense subsidiaries. I've spent years shuttering them and consolidating all the prototypes under one roof. My roof. WAYNE Why? FOX Stop them falling into the wrong hands. Besides, I thought someone might get some use out of them... Wayne shakes his head. FOX Sure I can't tempt you to something? Pneumatic crampons? Infrared lenses? Least let me get you something for that leg. WAYNE It's fine the use it gets these days. FOX Well, then I have just the thing for an eccentric billionaire who doesn't like to walk... Fox opens a door - we glimpse a sleek vehicle. Wayne's eyes light up. 37. WAYNE Now you're just showing off. FOX Defense Department project for tight-geometry urban pacification. Rotors configured for maneuvering between buildings without recirculation. WAYNE What's it called? FOX It has a long and uninteresting Wayne Enterprises designation. So I took to calling it the Bat. And yes, Mr. Wayne, it does come in black. Wayne touches its sleek side. Marveling. FOX Works great except for the autopilot. WAYNE What's wrong with that? FOX Software-based instability. Take a better mind than mine to fix it. WAYNE Better mind? FOX I was trying to be modest. A less busy mind. Yours, perhaps. Wayne looks wistfully at the machine. Turns away. WAYNE I told you. I retired, Lucius. INT. EXAMINATION ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - NIGHT Wayne listens, distracted, while a Doctor examines an X-ray. DOCTOR I've seen worse cartilage in knees - 38. WAYNE That's good - DOCTOR No, that's because there is no cartilage in your knee. And not much of any use in your elbows and shoulders. Between that and the scar tissue on your kidneys, residual concussive damage to your brain tissue and general scarred-over quality of your body... (Takes a deep breath.) I cannot recommend that you go heli-skiing. About the only part of your body that looks healthy is your liver, so if you're bored I recommend you take up drinking, Mr. Wayne. Wayne smiles. The Doctor leaves. Wayne pulls on a ski mask, steps to the window, hops up, pulls a wire from his cane, which he clips to his belt. He props his cane behind the frame - jumps out. The wire unspools from the cane as - EXT. TENTH FLOOR, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS Wayne drops three floors... INT. PRIVATE ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL - CONTINUOUS Gordon lies in his bed, hooked up to machines. Wayne, in ski mask, stands over him. Gordon's eyes flutter open. He tries to speak with a weak, hoarse voice... GORDON We were in this together. Then you were gone... WAYNE The Batman wasn't needed anymore. We won. GORDON Built on a lie. Our lie. Now there's evil rising from where we tried to bury it. Nobody will listen... The Batman has to come back. 39. WAYNE What if he doesn't exist anymore? GORDON He must. He must. INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI ON GOTHAM STREETS - NIGHT Wayne pulls up in front of a row of shabby subdivided town houses. Checks a tracking device. Jon, provocatively dressed, leads a Yuppie Banker-type in through a front door. INT. SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Selina sits in a small room getting ready to go out. She picks up the pearls - hears a disturbance in the hall. JEN (O.S.) I told you - money first - YUPPIE (O.S.) Goddammit, you took my wallet! INT. STAIRWELL OUTSIDE SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS The Yuppie has Jen against the wall - he reaches back to hit her with an expensive wristwatch-clad arm. But Selina has grabbed his wrist with a powerful grip. SELINA Get out. YUPPIE She took my wallet! Selina twists his arm behind him in a blinding move. SELINA Now. She releases the Yuppie, who moves off down the stairs. Selina turns to Jen. Who is examining a wallet. SELINA I told you not to try it with the assholes, Jen. JEN They're all assholes. 40. SELINA Okay, the assholes who hit. JEN I don't know what he's so upset about, he only had sixty bucks in here. SELINA Probably the watch. YOUNG WOMAN Watch? Selina opens her hand and gives Jen the Yuppie's Rolex. EXT. SELINA'S BUILDING, OLD TOWN, GOTHAM - LATER Selina exits and hails a cab. Wayne watches her go. Then pulls out. Checking his tracker. EXT. MUSEUM, GOTHAM - LATER Town cars dispense Gotham society in tasteful masquerade. Wayne pulls up to the Valet. Paparazzi line the entrance. Wayne uses his cane to get out of his Lamborghini... PAPARAZZI Another stiff too old to climb out of his sports car. PAPARAZZI 2 No, that's Bruce Wayne! Hey, Wayne, where you been hiding? Lenses swing onto Wayne, who pushes a button on his key fob - a pulse. The cameras die. Wayne heads to the door. WAYNE I'm not sure if my assistant put me on the guest list - GREETER Right through here, Mr. Wayne... 41. INT. MUSEUM - CONTINUOUS A lavish ball - the expressively attired dance under falling confetti... Even Bruce Wayne is struck by the ostentation. He spots Selina dancing with a deeply smitten Rich Twit. She wears a small, velvet pair of cat ears. And the pearls. MIRANDA (O.S) Bruce Wayne at a charity ball? Wayne turns to find Miranda Tate, amazed, a small mask her only concession to fancy dress. WAYNE Miss Tate, isn't it? MIRANDA Even before you became a recluse, you never came to these things... WAYNE True. Proceeds go to the big fat spread, not the cause. It's not about charity, it's about feeding the ego of whichever society hag laid it on. MIRANDA Actually, this is my party, Mr. Wayne. WAYNE Oh. MIRANDA And the proceeds will go where they should, because I paid for the big fat spread myself. WAYNE That's very generous of you. MIRANDA You have to invest to restore balance to the world. Take our clean-energy project... WAYNE Sometimes the investment doesn't pay off. Sorry. 42. MIRANDA You have a practiced apathy, Mr. Wayne. But a man who doesn't care about the world doesn't spend half his fortune on a plan to save it... (Gentle.) And isn't so wounded when it fails that he goes into hiding... Wayne looks at Miranda. Intrigued. MIRANDA Have a good evening, Mr. Wayne. Wayne watches Miranda glide away. Then turns to Selina. WAYNE Mind if I cut in? Rich Twit turns, annoyed - Wayne hands him his cane. Takes Selina by the waist. She glares at him. WAYNE You don't seem very happy to see me. SELINA You were supposed to be a shut-in. WAYNE Felt like some fresh air. SELINA Why didn't you call the police? WAYNE I have a powerful friend who deals with this kind of thing. (Admires her cat ears.) Brazen costume for a cat burglar. SELINA Yeah? Who are you pretending to be? WAYNE Bruce Wayne, eccentric billionaire. Who's your date? SELINA His wife's in Ibiza. She left her diamonds behind, though. Worried they'd get stolen. 43. WAYNE It's pronounced 'Ibeetha'. You wouldn't want these folks realizing you're a crook not a social climber. SELINA (flash of anger) You think I care what anyone in this room thinks about me? WAYNE I doubt you care what anyone in this room thinks about you. SELINA Don't condescend, Mr. Wayne. You don't know a thing about me. WAYNE Well, Selina Kyle, I know you came here from your walk-up in Old Town - modest place for a master jewel thief. Which means either you're saving for your retirement - or you're in deep with the wrong people. SELINA You don't get to judge me because you were born in the master bedroom of Wayne Manor. WAYNE Actually, I was born in the Regency Room. SELINA I started off doing what I had to. Once you've done what you had to they'll never let you do what you want to. WAYNE Start fresh. SELINA There's no fresh start in today's world. Any twelve-year-old with a cell phone could find out what you did. Everything we do is collated and quantified. Everything sticks. We are the sum of our mistakes. 44. WAYNE Or our achievements. SELINA The mistakes stick better. Trust me. WAYNE You think that justifies stealing? SELINA I take what I need to from those who have more than enough. I don't stand on the shoulders of people with less. WAYNE Robin Hood? SELINA I'd do more to help someone than most of the people in this room. Than you. WAYNE Maybe you're assuming too much. SELINA Or maybe you're being unrealistic about what's really in your pants other than your wallet. WAYNE Ouch. SELINA You think all this can last? Wayne glances around at the sumptuous party. SELINA There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits you're all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little to the rest of us. WAYNE Sounds like you're looking forward to it. 45. SELINA I'm adaptable. WAYNE These pearls do look better on you then they did in my safe... Wayne rolls her into his shoulder - reaches up to the back of her neck, unclasps the necklace. But I still can't let you keep them. The pearls slide off her neck into his other hand. Selina looks at him. Angry. Then kisses him, hard, and disappears into the crowd. Wayne's cane reappears. RICH TWIT (ANNOYED) You scared her off. WAYNE Not likely. EXT. MUSEUM - MOMENTS LATER Wayne approaches the Valet. Pats down his pockets. WAYNE I must have lost my ticket - VALET Your wife said you were taking a cab home, sir. WAYNE My wife? INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI RACING DOWN STREETS - CONTINUOUS Selina permits herself a little smile as she guns the engine. INT. ROLLS ROYCE - LATER Alfred watches in the mirror as Wayne climbs into the back. ALFRED Just you, sir? Wayne gives him a withering glare. (MORE) 46. ALFRED (CONT'D) Don't worry, Master Wayne. Takes a little time to get back into the swing of things. Wayne dials his phone. FOX (O.S.) This is Fox. WAYNE Remember those 'unusual requests' I used to make? FOX (O.S.) I knew it! Up front, Alfred listens. Concerned. INT. BATCAVE - DAY Wayne pushes a button on a hi-tech carbon fiber brace strapped to his good knee - the brace tones. As Wayne starts moving his knee, bending, stretching, Alfred puts down a Thermos. ALFRED You've got the wrong leg, sir. WAYNE You start with the good limb so it learns your optimum muscle patterns. Wayne swaps the brace to his bad knee. Puts his weight on it - the knee bends, kicks. He sits again. Cautious. Now we tighten it up. Wayne gingerly pushes a button - the brace starts to shrink tight to his leg, digging in. Wayne grits his teeth. ALFRED It is terribly painful? WAYNE (GRITTED TEETH) You're welcome to try it, Alfred. ALFRED Happy watching, thank you, sir. Wayne shouts as the brace clicks home. He gets to his feet. 47. WAYNE Not bad - Wayne executes a perfect roundhouse, knocking out a brick. Not bad at all. Alfred picks up the brick. Considers it. Uneasy. He follows Wayne across the bridge to the cube. ALFRED Master Wayne, if you're considering going back out there you need to hear some rumors surrounding Bane. WAYNE I'm all ears. ALFRED There is a prison. In a more ancient part of the world. A pit. Where men are thrown to suffer and die. But sometimes, a man rises from the darkness. Sometimes...the pit sends something back. WAYNE Bane. ALFRED Born and raised in a hell on earth. WAYNE Born in a prison? ALFRED No one knows why. Or how he escaped. But they know who trained him one he did...R 's al Gh l. Your A U mentor. Wayne takes this in. Shocked. ALFRED He plucked Bane from a dark corner of the earth and trained him in the blackest disciplines of combat, deception and endurance. Just like you. WAYNE Bane was a member of the League of Shadows. 48. ALFRED Until he was excommunicated. And a man considered too extreme for R 's A al Gh l is not to be trifled with. U WAYNE I didn't realize I was known for trifling with criminals. ALFRED That was then. And you can strap up your leg and put the mask back on. But it won't make you what you were. WAYNE Which was? ALFRED Someone whose anger at death made him value all life. Even his own. WAYNE If this man is all the things you say he is, then this city needs me. The Batsuit emerges from the cube. ALFRED Yes, this city needs Bruce Wayne. Your resources, your knowledge...not your body. Not your life. That time has passed. WAYNE I tried helping as Bruce Wayne, Alfred. And I failed. ALFRED You can fail as Bruce Wayne. As Batman, you can't afford to. WAYNE That's what you're afraid of - that if I go back out there I'll fail. ALFRED No. I'm afraid that you want to. Wayne looks at Alfred. Then turns to examine the Batsuit. 49. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - EVENING A frenzy of trading on the packed floor... Two Traders sit on a shoeshine stand in the lobby. TRADER 2 You can't short the stock because Bruce Wayne goes to a party - TRADER 1 Wayne coming back is change. Change is either good or bad. TRADER 2 On what basis? TRADER 1 I flipped a coin. Near the front entrance: a Food Delivery Guy is standing there negotiating with a Trader. TRADER 3 No. Rye. I told 'em rye. Trader 3 spots bad news on a screen. Alright, I'll take it. He thrusts Food Guy a tip and grabs the bag, distracted... At the rear secure entrance: a Motorcycle Courier enters, wearing his helmet - a Female Security Guard gets in his face. FEMALE SECURITY GUARD Rookie! Lose the helmet! (Points at a camera.) We need faces for cameras. In the rest room: a Janitor mops the floor, shifting out of the way of two Traders who rush in to pee. At the shoeshine stand, Trader 1 waves a bill down at the man shining his shoes without a glance. Shoeshine Man takes the bill, then, as the Traders step off, he reaches into a gym bag and checks an automatic weapon. He clicks the slide home, then hoists the gym bag and heads for the trading floor. At the secure entrance: the Courier pulls off his helmet. The Female Security Guard's eyes go wide. 50. In the rest room: the Janitor reaches into his bucket and pulls out a machine pistol in a Ziploc bag. Near the front entrance: Food Guy pulls an automatic pistol - clubs Trader 3 with it, pastrami flying. Shoeshine Man moves onto the floor, pulls out his weapon. Under the Courier's helmet - a mask. Bane. He grabs the Female Security Guard and throws her into her colleagues, lashing out in four directions with rapidfire lethality. Shoeshine Man fires into the large trading screens. The floor erupts into a different frenzy - traders hit the deck, screaming. Bane moves onto the floor... TRADER 1 This is a stock exchange, there's no money you can steal - He dries up as Bane stops. Turns to him... BANE Why else would you people be here? Bane grabs Trader 1 by the throat and drags him across the floor to an online automated trades terminal... He puts the man's thumb onto the print reader - the screen lights up. BANE Enter your password. Or I send these men to your home. Trader 1, terrified, types in his password. Outside, sirens. Shoeshine man pulls out a USB drive with an antenna - plugs it into the computer - figures race across the screen... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Police vehicles screech into the narrow street - construction vehicles are blocking. Blake argues with a burly Construction Worker. BLAKE Move it, now! We've got a situation. CONSTRUCTION WORKER Where can I move it?! BLAKE That way! Blake points - but SWAT vehicles pile in, blocking. 51. BLAKE Get in your vehicle and stay there! Foley and the SWAT Commander, Allen, approach the entrance. The Market Security Chief walks up, frantic. SECURITY CHIEF You've gotta get in there! FOLEY This is a hostage situation - SECURITY CHIEF It's a robbery! They've got direct access to the online trading desk. FOLEY I'm not risking my men for your MONEY - SECURITY CHIEF It's not our money, it's everyone's! ALLEN Really? Mine's in my mattress. SECURITY CHIEF If you don't shut these guys down, the stuffing in that mattress might be worth a whole lot less, pal. FOLEY Cut the fiber line - shut down the cell tower. That'll slow them down. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Shoeshine Man looks up from the laptop. SHOESHINE MAN They cut the fiber. Cell's working. BANE For now. How much longer does the program need? SHOESHINE MAN Eight minutes. 52. BANE Time to go mobile. Shoeshine Man picks up the laptop, slips it into his pack... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Allen shouts at his men. ALLEN Get the barriers up - no more in and out on this street! Steel wedge-shaped barriers rise up at the mouth of the street. A Sniper watches the doors through a thermal scope. Six large heat signatures bloom, too big for people... SNIPER I've got something - The door explodes. SWATs duck, six sportbikes race out and leap the ramp-like barricades, sending SWATs scattering. Cops scramble to pull their vehicles out to give chase. EXT. GOTHAM STREET - CONTINUOUS The bikes weave through traffic, Traders strapped to the back, facing backwards - screaming, ties flying in the wind. A cruiser falls in behind. ROOKIE COP Shoot the tires! A Veteran Cop sights a shot, but the Traders are in the way. VETERAN COP No shot! EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Foley is barking into his radio. FOLEY Back off, back off! They've got hostages! 53. INT./EXT. CRUISER ON GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS The cruiser follows the bike into a large tunnel. A Rookie Cop looks up into his rear-view. ROOKIE COP What's going on with the lights? The Veteran Cop looks back - streetlights and headlights are dying one after another. The darkness is chasing them - the darkness hits them. Their lights, sirens, and engine die... And, out of the silence, a dark shape roars past - VETERAN COP It can't be... ROOKIE COP The hell was that?! VETERAN COP Oh boy. You're in for a show tonight, son. EXT. HIGHWAY - CONTINUOUS Food Guy drives the rear bike. He looks back - sees streetlights explode behind him - darkness catching him up. The engine chokes and dies.

ran

How many times the word 'ran' appears in the text?

- CONTINUOUS The SWATs return fire. The Thugs lay down cover fire, then race around a corner into a smaller passage. A cop car pulls up, blocking the mouth of the alley - Gordon jumps out, gun drawn. The SWATs approach the passage, massing on both corners tactically. The two corner SWATs exchange hand signals, counting down... They round the corner, aiming low and high. The passage is empty. The SWATs cover a fire escape, but Gordon spots at once - GORDON Manhole! He races to the manhole cover - SWATs wrench off the cover, Gordon grabs a flashlight from the nearest SWAT. GORDON You three, down with me. You two, head down to cover the next exit - SWAT Where -? GORDON Get the DWP down here, now! Gordon starts climbing down the ladder... INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon moves down the tunnel, flashlight low. Three SWATs fall in behind... 27. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake comes into the alley. Cops surround the manhole. COP Where's the DWP guy? BLAKE They went down there? FOLEY (shaking his head) And Gordon took SWAT in after them. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon hears a noise up ahead - pushes forward, rounds the corner. BANG! GUNFIRE. SWATs return fire, shots sparking off the concrete walls, then - BOOM - behind him the tunnel ERUPTS IN FIRE, blasting the SWATs. Gordon races forward, tearing through the tunnels. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake jumps back as a fireball bursts out of the manhole. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon races around a corner, gun drawn. A noise makes him turn - WHACK, he is clobbered from behind by a Thug. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake pushes forward. BLAKE Come on, we gotta get down there - COP That was a gas explosion, kid - BLAKE Gas? This is a sewer! FOLEY No one goes in there till we know what's down there. 28. BLAKE We know what's down there, sir. The Police Commissioner! FOLEY Somebody get the hothead out of here. And get me a DWP guy! Blake backs off. Gets an idea - goes for his patrol car. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Thug 1 flips Gordon onto his back. THUG 1 This one's alive. (Looks closer.) Jesus. It's the Police Commissioner. THUG 2 What do we do? THUG 1 Take him to Bane. The two Thugs drag Gordon down through the maze of tunnels. As they descend deeper they encounter work crews of muscular men wielding large drills and jackhammers, working the walls and ceiling of the larger tunnels. Some of the men are armed Mercenaries, overseeing gangs of homeless street kids. They stare as Gordon is dragged past. The Thugs drag Gordon between two waterfalls, into - INT. BANE'S LAIR, SEWERS - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT) They approach a figure, turned away, crouched in the firelight. Bare-chested, muscular, masked. Bane. A crooked line of scar tissue runs the length of his spine... BANE Why are you here? The Thugs drop Gordon at Bane's feet. THUG 1 Answer him! Bane slowly turns to the Thugs. 29. BANE I'm asking you. THUG 1 It's the Police Commissioner. BANE And you brought him down here? THUG 2 We didn't know what to do. We - BANE You panicked. And your weakness costs three lives. THUG 1 No, he's alone - Bane flips the Thug's chin up and to the side with a crack. Thug 1 drops. Bane turns to Thug 2. BANE Search him. Then I will kill you. The Thug, terrified, pulls out Gordon's badge, wallet, gun...and the folded papers of the speech he did not read. Bane takes these one by one with quick glances. He stops at the papers. Unfolds them... As he reads, Gordon rolls off the steps, dropping into the rushing flow of water - gunshots ring out... THUG 2 He's dead. Thug 2 trails off as Bane looks up from the papers... BANE Then show me his body. THUG 2 That water runs to any one of the outflows - we'd never find him. Bane turns to the Lead Mercenary. BANE Give me your GPS. Lead Mercenary hands him a GPS - Bane tucks it into Thug 2's jacket, zips it up like a mother sending her kid to school. 30. BANE Follow him. THUG 2 Follow him? Bane shoots Thug 2, kicks him into the water. Turns to Lead Mercenary. BANE Track him. Make sure both bodies will not be found. Then brick up the south tunnel. EXT. WATER TREATMENT FACILITY - NIGHT Blake comes out to the catchment basin. He spots something stuck up against the grille, thrusts his hand into the raging waters - Gordon is there, alive. Just. Blake pulls him up onto the concrete, hoists him up, hurrying... INT. FRONT HALL, WAYNE MANOR - DAY Alfred opens the door to reveal Blake in his dirty uniform. BLAKE I need to see Bruce Wayne. ALFRED I'm sorry, Mr. Wayne doesn't take unscheduled calls. Even from police officers. BLAKE And if I go get a warrant, in the investigation of Harvey Dent's murder? Would that still count as unscheduled? INT. STUDY, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Blake is sitting, drumming his leg, nervous. Wayne enters. WAYNE What can I do for you, officer? BLAKE Commissioner Gordon's been shot. 31. WAYNE I'm sorry to hear that - BLAKE He chased a gunman down into the sewers. When I pulled him out he was babbling about an underground army. A masked man called 'Bane'. WAYNE Shouldn't you be telling this to your superior officers? BLAKE I did. One of them asked if he saw any giant alligators down there. He needs you. He needs the Batman. WAYNE If Commissioner Gordon thinks I'm the Batman he must be in a bad way - BLAKE He doesn't know or care who you are. (Off look.) But we've met before. When I was a kid. At the orphanage. See, my mom died when I was small. Car accident, I don't really remember it. But a couple of years later my dad was shot over a gambling debt. I remember that just fine. (Looks at Wayne.) Not a lot of people who know what it feels like, do they? To be angry. In your bones. People understand, foster parents understand. For a while. Then they expect the angry kid to do what he knows he can never do. To move on. To forget. Wayne stares at Blake. BLAKE So they stopped understanding and sent the angry kid to a boys' home - St. Swithin's. Used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation. See, I figured it out too late. You have to hide the anger. Practice smiling in the mirror. Like putting on a mask. You showed up one day in a cool car, pretty girl on your arm. (MORE) 32. BLAKE (CONT'D) We were so excited - Bruce Wayne, billionaire orphan. We made up stories about you. Legends. The other boys' stories were just that. But when I saw you I knew who you really were... (Beat.) I'd seen that look on your face. Same one I taught myself. Blake gets up to leave. Wayne is lost in thought. BLAKE I don't know why you took the fall for Dent's murder, but I'm still a believer in the Batman. Even if you're not. WAYNE Why did you say your boys' home used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation? BLAKE Because the money stopped. Might be time to get some fresh air and start paying attention to the details. Some of those details might need your help. INT. HALL, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Wayne and Alfred watch Blake drive away. WAYNE You checked that name? 'Bane' - ALFRED Ran it through some databases. He's a mercenary. No other known name. Never been seen or photographed without a mask. He and his men were behind a coup in West Africa that secured mining operations for our friend John Daggett. WAYNE Now Daggett's brought them here? ALFRED It would seem so. I'll keep digging. 33. Alfred turns to leave. WAYNE Why did the Wayne Foundation stop funding boys' homes in the city? ALFRED The Foundation is funded from the profits of Wayne Enterprises... (Off look.) There have to be some. WAYNE Time to talk to Mr. Fox, I think. ALFRED I'll get him on the phone - WAYNE No. Do we still have any cars around the place? ALFRED (LIGHTS UP) One or two. WAYNE And I need an appointment at the hospital. About my leg. ALFRED Which hospital, sir? WAYNE Whichever one Jim Gordon's in. Alfred is less excited by this part of the request. EXT. WAYNE ENTERPRISES - DAY Moving towards the tall skyscraper downtown. MIRANDA (V.O.) Mr. Fox, I believe in what Mr. Wayne was trying to do... INT. BOARDROOM, WAYNE ENTERPRISES - CONTINUOUS Miranda is talking to Lucius Fox at the table. 34. MIRANDA I'm only asking for explanations because I think I can help. FOX I'll pass along your request. Next time I see him. Miranda catches something in this. MIRANDA He doesn't talk to you either? FOX Let's just say that Bruce Wayne has his...eccentricities. MIRANDA (RISING) Mr. Fox, are you aware that John Daggett is trying to acquire shares in Wayne Enterprises? FOX I was not. But it wouldn't do him any good - Mr. Wayne still retains a clear majority. Miranda leaves. Fox moves into his office - stops. FOX Bruce Wayne. As I live and breathe. Wayne rises, pushing hard on his cane. FOX What brings you out of cryo-sleep Mr. Wayne? WAYNE I see you haven't lost your sense of humor...even if you have lost most of my money. FOX Actually, you did that yourself. See, if you funnel the entire R and D budget for five years into a fusion project that you then mothball, your company is unlikely to thrive. 35. WAYNE Even with - FOX A wildly sophisticated CEO, yes. Wayne Enterprises is running out of time. And Daggett is moving in. WAYNE What're my options? FOX If you're not willing to turn your machine on - WAYNE I can't, Lucius. FOX Then sit tight. Your majority keeps Daggett at arm's length while we figure out a future for the energy program with Miranda Tate - she's supported your project all the way. She's smart, and quite lovely. WAYNE You too, Lucius? FOX We all just want what's best for you, Bruce. Show her the machine. WAYNE I'll think it over. FOX Anything else? WAYNE No, why? FOX These conversations always used to end with some...unusual requests. WAYNE I retired. FOX Let me show you some stuff, anyway. Fox hits a button - the bookcase opens into a hidden elevator. 36. INT. APPLIED SCIENCES - MOMENTS LATER Fox leads Wayne into the vast, gadget-filled space. They pass Tumblers with different weapons configurations... WAYNE I figured you'd have shut this place down. FOX It was always shut down, officially. WAYNE But all this new stuff? FOX After your father died, Wayne Enterprises set up fourteen different defense subsidiaries. I've spent years shuttering them and consolidating all the prototypes under one roof. My roof. WAYNE Why? FOX Stop them falling into the wrong hands. Besides, I thought someone might get some use out of them... Wayne shakes his head. FOX Sure I can't tempt you to something? Pneumatic crampons? Infrared lenses? Least let me get you something for that leg. WAYNE It's fine the use it gets these days. FOX Well, then I have just the thing for an eccentric billionaire who doesn't like to walk... Fox opens a door - we glimpse a sleek vehicle. Wayne's eyes light up. 37. WAYNE Now you're just showing off. FOX Defense Department project for tight-geometry urban pacification. Rotors configured for maneuvering between buildings without recirculation. WAYNE What's it called? FOX It has a long and uninteresting Wayne Enterprises designation. So I took to calling it the Bat. And yes, Mr. Wayne, it does come in black. Wayne touches its sleek side. Marveling. FOX Works great except for the autopilot. WAYNE What's wrong with that? FOX Software-based instability. Take a better mind than mine to fix it. WAYNE Better mind? FOX I was trying to be modest. A less busy mind. Yours, perhaps. Wayne looks wistfully at the machine. Turns away. WAYNE I told you. I retired, Lucius. INT. EXAMINATION ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - NIGHT Wayne listens, distracted, while a Doctor examines an X-ray. DOCTOR I've seen worse cartilage in knees - 38. WAYNE That's good - DOCTOR No, that's because there is no cartilage in your knee. And not much of any use in your elbows and shoulders. Between that and the scar tissue on your kidneys, residual concussive damage to your brain tissue and general scarred-over quality of your body... (Takes a deep breath.) I cannot recommend that you go heli-skiing. About the only part of your body that looks healthy is your liver, so if you're bored I recommend you take up drinking, Mr. Wayne. Wayne smiles. The Doctor leaves. Wayne pulls on a ski mask, steps to the window, hops up, pulls a wire from his cane, which he clips to his belt. He props his cane behind the frame - jumps out. The wire unspools from the cane as - EXT. TENTH FLOOR, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS Wayne drops three floors... INT. PRIVATE ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL - CONTINUOUS Gordon lies in his bed, hooked up to machines. Wayne, in ski mask, stands over him. Gordon's eyes flutter open. He tries to speak with a weak, hoarse voice... GORDON We were in this together. Then you were gone... WAYNE The Batman wasn't needed anymore. We won. GORDON Built on a lie. Our lie. Now there's evil rising from where we tried to bury it. Nobody will listen... The Batman has to come back. 39. WAYNE What if he doesn't exist anymore? GORDON He must. He must. INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI ON GOTHAM STREETS - NIGHT Wayne pulls up in front of a row of shabby subdivided town houses. Checks a tracking device. Jon, provocatively dressed, leads a Yuppie Banker-type in through a front door. INT. SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Selina sits in a small room getting ready to go out. She picks up the pearls - hears a disturbance in the hall. JEN (O.S.) I told you - money first - YUPPIE (O.S.) Goddammit, you took my wallet! INT. STAIRWELL OUTSIDE SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS The Yuppie has Jen against the wall - he reaches back to hit her with an expensive wristwatch-clad arm. But Selina has grabbed his wrist with a powerful grip. SELINA Get out. YUPPIE She took my wallet! Selina twists his arm behind him in a blinding move. SELINA Now. She releases the Yuppie, who moves off down the stairs. Selina turns to Jen. Who is examining a wallet. SELINA I told you not to try it with the assholes, Jen. JEN They're all assholes. 40. SELINA Okay, the assholes who hit. JEN I don't know what he's so upset about, he only had sixty bucks in here. SELINA Probably the watch. YOUNG WOMAN Watch? Selina opens her hand and gives Jen the Yuppie's Rolex. EXT. SELINA'S BUILDING, OLD TOWN, GOTHAM - LATER Selina exits and hails a cab. Wayne watches her go. Then pulls out. Checking his tracker. EXT. MUSEUM, GOTHAM - LATER Town cars dispense Gotham society in tasteful masquerade. Wayne pulls up to the Valet. Paparazzi line the entrance. Wayne uses his cane to get out of his Lamborghini... PAPARAZZI Another stiff too old to climb out of his sports car. PAPARAZZI 2 No, that's Bruce Wayne! Hey, Wayne, where you been hiding? Lenses swing onto Wayne, who pushes a button on his key fob - a pulse. The cameras die. Wayne heads to the door. WAYNE I'm not sure if my assistant put me on the guest list - GREETER Right through here, Mr. Wayne... 41. INT. MUSEUM - CONTINUOUS A lavish ball - the expressively attired dance under falling confetti... Even Bruce Wayne is struck by the ostentation. He spots Selina dancing with a deeply smitten Rich Twit. She wears a small, velvet pair of cat ears. And the pearls. MIRANDA (O.S) Bruce Wayne at a charity ball? Wayne turns to find Miranda Tate, amazed, a small mask her only concession to fancy dress. WAYNE Miss Tate, isn't it? MIRANDA Even before you became a recluse, you never came to these things... WAYNE True. Proceeds go to the big fat spread, not the cause. It's not about charity, it's about feeding the ego of whichever society hag laid it on. MIRANDA Actually, this is my party, Mr. Wayne. WAYNE Oh. MIRANDA And the proceeds will go where they should, because I paid for the big fat spread myself. WAYNE That's very generous of you. MIRANDA You have to invest to restore balance to the world. Take our clean-energy project... WAYNE Sometimes the investment doesn't pay off. Sorry. 42. MIRANDA You have a practiced apathy, Mr. Wayne. But a man who doesn't care about the world doesn't spend half his fortune on a plan to save it... (Gentle.) And isn't so wounded when it fails that he goes into hiding... Wayne looks at Miranda. Intrigued. MIRANDA Have a good evening, Mr. Wayne. Wayne watches Miranda glide away. Then turns to Selina. WAYNE Mind if I cut in? Rich Twit turns, annoyed - Wayne hands him his cane. Takes Selina by the waist. She glares at him. WAYNE You don't seem very happy to see me. SELINA You were supposed to be a shut-in. WAYNE Felt like some fresh air. SELINA Why didn't you call the police? WAYNE I have a powerful friend who deals with this kind of thing. (Admires her cat ears.) Brazen costume for a cat burglar. SELINA Yeah? Who are you pretending to be? WAYNE Bruce Wayne, eccentric billionaire. Who's your date? SELINA His wife's in Ibiza. She left her diamonds behind, though. Worried they'd get stolen. 43. WAYNE It's pronounced 'Ibeetha'. You wouldn't want these folks realizing you're a crook not a social climber. SELINA (flash of anger) You think I care what anyone in this room thinks about me? WAYNE I doubt you care what anyone in this room thinks about you. SELINA Don't condescend, Mr. Wayne. You don't know a thing about me. WAYNE Well, Selina Kyle, I know you came here from your walk-up in Old Town - modest place for a master jewel thief. Which means either you're saving for your retirement - or you're in deep with the wrong people. SELINA You don't get to judge me because you were born in the master bedroom of Wayne Manor. WAYNE Actually, I was born in the Regency Room. SELINA I started off doing what I had to. Once you've done what you had to they'll never let you do what you want to. WAYNE Start fresh. SELINA There's no fresh start in today's world. Any twelve-year-old with a cell phone could find out what you did. Everything we do is collated and quantified. Everything sticks. We are the sum of our mistakes. 44. WAYNE Or our achievements. SELINA The mistakes stick better. Trust me. WAYNE You think that justifies stealing? SELINA I take what I need to from those who have more than enough. I don't stand on the shoulders of people with less. WAYNE Robin Hood? SELINA I'd do more to help someone than most of the people in this room. Than you. WAYNE Maybe you're assuming too much. SELINA Or maybe you're being unrealistic about what's really in your pants other than your wallet. WAYNE Ouch. SELINA You think all this can last? Wayne glances around at the sumptuous party. SELINA There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits you're all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little to the rest of us. WAYNE Sounds like you're looking forward to it. 45. SELINA I'm adaptable. WAYNE These pearls do look better on you then they did in my safe... Wayne rolls her into his shoulder - reaches up to the back of her neck, unclasps the necklace. But I still can't let you keep them. The pearls slide off her neck into his other hand. Selina looks at him. Angry. Then kisses him, hard, and disappears into the crowd. Wayne's cane reappears. RICH TWIT (ANNOYED) You scared her off. WAYNE Not likely. EXT. MUSEUM - MOMENTS LATER Wayne approaches the Valet. Pats down his pockets. WAYNE I must have lost my ticket - VALET Your wife said you were taking a cab home, sir. WAYNE My wife? INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI RACING DOWN STREETS - CONTINUOUS Selina permits herself a little smile as she guns the engine. INT. ROLLS ROYCE - LATER Alfred watches in the mirror as Wayne climbs into the back. ALFRED Just you, sir? Wayne gives him a withering glare. (MORE) 46. ALFRED (CONT'D) Don't worry, Master Wayne. Takes a little time to get back into the swing of things. Wayne dials his phone. FOX (O.S.) This is Fox. WAYNE Remember those 'unusual requests' I used to make? FOX (O.S.) I knew it! Up front, Alfred listens. Concerned. INT. BATCAVE - DAY Wayne pushes a button on a hi-tech carbon fiber brace strapped to his good knee - the brace tones. As Wayne starts moving his knee, bending, stretching, Alfred puts down a Thermos. ALFRED You've got the wrong leg, sir. WAYNE You start with the good limb so it learns your optimum muscle patterns. Wayne swaps the brace to his bad knee. Puts his weight on it - the knee bends, kicks. He sits again. Cautious. Now we tighten it up. Wayne gingerly pushes a button - the brace starts to shrink tight to his leg, digging in. Wayne grits his teeth. ALFRED It is terribly painful? WAYNE (GRITTED TEETH) You're welcome to try it, Alfred. ALFRED Happy watching, thank you, sir. Wayne shouts as the brace clicks home. He gets to his feet. 47. WAYNE Not bad - Wayne executes a perfect roundhouse, knocking out a brick. Not bad at all. Alfred picks up the brick. Considers it. Uneasy. He follows Wayne across the bridge to the cube. ALFRED Master Wayne, if you're considering going back out there you need to hear some rumors surrounding Bane. WAYNE I'm all ears. ALFRED There is a prison. In a more ancient part of the world. A pit. Where men are thrown to suffer and die. But sometimes, a man rises from the darkness. Sometimes...the pit sends something back. WAYNE Bane. ALFRED Born and raised in a hell on earth. WAYNE Born in a prison? ALFRED No one knows why. Or how he escaped. But they know who trained him one he did...R 's al Gh l. Your A U mentor. Wayne takes this in. Shocked. ALFRED He plucked Bane from a dark corner of the earth and trained him in the blackest disciplines of combat, deception and endurance. Just like you. WAYNE Bane was a member of the League of Shadows. 48. ALFRED Until he was excommunicated. And a man considered too extreme for R 's A al Gh l is not to be trifled with. U WAYNE I didn't realize I was known for trifling with criminals. ALFRED That was then. And you can strap up your leg and put the mask back on. But it won't make you what you were. WAYNE Which was? ALFRED Someone whose anger at death made him value all life. Even his own. WAYNE If this man is all the things you say he is, then this city needs me. The Batsuit emerges from the cube. ALFRED Yes, this city needs Bruce Wayne. Your resources, your knowledge...not your body. Not your life. That time has passed. WAYNE I tried helping as Bruce Wayne, Alfred. And I failed. ALFRED You can fail as Bruce Wayne. As Batman, you can't afford to. WAYNE That's what you're afraid of - that if I go back out there I'll fail. ALFRED No. I'm afraid that you want to. Wayne looks at Alfred. Then turns to examine the Batsuit. 49. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - EVENING A frenzy of trading on the packed floor... Two Traders sit on a shoeshine stand in the lobby. TRADER 2 You can't short the stock because Bruce Wayne goes to a party - TRADER 1 Wayne coming back is change. Change is either good or bad. TRADER 2 On what basis? TRADER 1 I flipped a coin. Near the front entrance: a Food Delivery Guy is standing there negotiating with a Trader. TRADER 3 No. Rye. I told 'em rye. Trader 3 spots bad news on a screen. Alright, I'll take it. He thrusts Food Guy a tip and grabs the bag, distracted... At the rear secure entrance: a Motorcycle Courier enters, wearing his helmet - a Female Security Guard gets in his face. FEMALE SECURITY GUARD Rookie! Lose the helmet! (Points at a camera.) We need faces for cameras. In the rest room: a Janitor mops the floor, shifting out of the way of two Traders who rush in to pee. At the shoeshine stand, Trader 1 waves a bill down at the man shining his shoes without a glance. Shoeshine Man takes the bill, then, as the Traders step off, he reaches into a gym bag and checks an automatic weapon. He clicks the slide home, then hoists the gym bag and heads for the trading floor. At the secure entrance: the Courier pulls off his helmet. The Female Security Guard's eyes go wide. 50. In the rest room: the Janitor reaches into his bucket and pulls out a machine pistol in a Ziploc bag. Near the front entrance: Food Guy pulls an automatic pistol - clubs Trader 3 with it, pastrami flying. Shoeshine Man moves onto the floor, pulls out his weapon. Under the Courier's helmet - a mask. Bane. He grabs the Female Security Guard and throws her into her colleagues, lashing out in four directions with rapidfire lethality. Shoeshine Man fires into the large trading screens. The floor erupts into a different frenzy - traders hit the deck, screaming. Bane moves onto the floor... TRADER 1 This is a stock exchange, there's no money you can steal - He dries up as Bane stops. Turns to him... BANE Why else would you people be here? Bane grabs Trader 1 by the throat and drags him across the floor to an online automated trades terminal... He puts the man's thumb onto the print reader - the screen lights up. BANE Enter your password. Or I send these men to your home. Trader 1, terrified, types in his password. Outside, sirens. Shoeshine man pulls out a USB drive with an antenna - plugs it into the computer - figures race across the screen... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Police vehicles screech into the narrow street - construction vehicles are blocking. Blake argues with a burly Construction Worker. BLAKE Move it, now! We've got a situation. CONSTRUCTION WORKER Where can I move it?! BLAKE That way! Blake points - but SWAT vehicles pile in, blocking. 51. BLAKE Get in your vehicle and stay there! Foley and the SWAT Commander, Allen, approach the entrance. The Market Security Chief walks up, frantic. SECURITY CHIEF You've gotta get in there! FOLEY This is a hostage situation - SECURITY CHIEF It's a robbery! They've got direct access to the online trading desk. FOLEY I'm not risking my men for your MONEY - SECURITY CHIEF It's not our money, it's everyone's! ALLEN Really? Mine's in my mattress. SECURITY CHIEF If you don't shut these guys down, the stuffing in that mattress might be worth a whole lot less, pal. FOLEY Cut the fiber line - shut down the cell tower. That'll slow them down. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Shoeshine Man looks up from the laptop. SHOESHINE MAN They cut the fiber. Cell's working. BANE For now. How much longer does the program need? SHOESHINE MAN Eight minutes. 52. BANE Time to go mobile. Shoeshine Man picks up the laptop, slips it into his pack... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Allen shouts at his men. ALLEN Get the barriers up - no more in and out on this street! Steel wedge-shaped barriers rise up at the mouth of the street. A Sniper watches the doors through a thermal scope. Six large heat signatures bloom, too big for people... SNIPER I've got something - The door explodes. SWATs duck, six sportbikes race out and leap the ramp-like barricades, sending SWATs scattering. Cops scramble to pull their vehicles out to give chase. EXT. GOTHAM STREET - CONTINUOUS The bikes weave through traffic, Traders strapped to the back, facing backwards - screaming, ties flying in the wind. A cruiser falls in behind. ROOKIE COP Shoot the tires! A Veteran Cop sights a shot, but the Traders are in the way. VETERAN COP No shot! EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Foley is barking into his radio. FOLEY Back off, back off! They've got hostages! 53. INT./EXT. CRUISER ON GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS The cruiser follows the bike into a large tunnel. A Rookie Cop looks up into his rear-view. ROOKIE COP What's going on with the lights? The Veteran Cop looks back - streetlights and headlights are dying one after another. The darkness is chasing them - the darkness hits them. Their lights, sirens, and engine die... And, out of the silence, a dark shape roars past - VETERAN COP It can't be... ROOKIE COP The hell was that?! VETERAN COP Oh boy. You're in for a show tonight, son. EXT. HIGHWAY - CONTINUOUS Food Guy drives the rear bike. He looks back - sees streetlights explode behind him - darkness catching him up. The engine chokes and dies.

anxiously

How many times the word 'anxiously' appears in the text?

- CONTINUOUS The SWATs return fire. The Thugs lay down cover fire, then race around a corner into a smaller passage. A cop car pulls up, blocking the mouth of the alley - Gordon jumps out, gun drawn. The SWATs approach the passage, massing on both corners tactically. The two corner SWATs exchange hand signals, counting down... They round the corner, aiming low and high. The passage is empty. The SWATs cover a fire escape, but Gordon spots at once - GORDON Manhole! He races to the manhole cover - SWATs wrench off the cover, Gordon grabs a flashlight from the nearest SWAT. GORDON You three, down with me. You two, head down to cover the next exit - SWAT Where -? GORDON Get the DWP down here, now! Gordon starts climbing down the ladder... INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon moves down the tunnel, flashlight low. Three SWATs fall in behind... 27. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake comes into the alley. Cops surround the manhole. COP Where's the DWP guy? BLAKE They went down there? FOLEY (shaking his head) And Gordon took SWAT in after them. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon hears a noise up ahead - pushes forward, rounds the corner. BANG! GUNFIRE. SWATs return fire, shots sparking off the concrete walls, then - BOOM - behind him the tunnel ERUPTS IN FIRE, blasting the SWATs. Gordon races forward, tearing through the tunnels. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake jumps back as a fireball bursts out of the manhole. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon races around a corner, gun drawn. A noise makes him turn - WHACK, he is clobbered from behind by a Thug. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake pushes forward. BLAKE Come on, we gotta get down there - COP That was a gas explosion, kid - BLAKE Gas? This is a sewer! FOLEY No one goes in there till we know what's down there. 28. BLAKE We know what's down there, sir. The Police Commissioner! FOLEY Somebody get the hothead out of here. And get me a DWP guy! Blake backs off. Gets an idea - goes for his patrol car. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Thug 1 flips Gordon onto his back. THUG 1 This one's alive. (Looks closer.) Jesus. It's the Police Commissioner. THUG 2 What do we do? THUG 1 Take him to Bane. The two Thugs drag Gordon down through the maze of tunnels. As they descend deeper they encounter work crews of muscular men wielding large drills and jackhammers, working the walls and ceiling of the larger tunnels. Some of the men are armed Mercenaries, overseeing gangs of homeless street kids. They stare as Gordon is dragged past. The Thugs drag Gordon between two waterfalls, into - INT. BANE'S LAIR, SEWERS - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT) They approach a figure, turned away, crouched in the firelight. Bare-chested, muscular, masked. Bane. A crooked line of scar tissue runs the length of his spine... BANE Why are you here? The Thugs drop Gordon at Bane's feet. THUG 1 Answer him! Bane slowly turns to the Thugs. 29. BANE I'm asking you. THUG 1 It's the Police Commissioner. BANE And you brought him down here? THUG 2 We didn't know what to do. We - BANE You panicked. And your weakness costs three lives. THUG 1 No, he's alone - Bane flips the Thug's chin up and to the side with a crack. Thug 1 drops. Bane turns to Thug 2. BANE Search him. Then I will kill you. The Thug, terrified, pulls out Gordon's badge, wallet, gun...and the folded papers of the speech he did not read. Bane takes these one by one with quick glances. He stops at the papers. Unfolds them... As he reads, Gordon rolls off the steps, dropping into the rushing flow of water - gunshots ring out... THUG 2 He's dead. Thug 2 trails off as Bane looks up from the papers... BANE Then show me his body. THUG 2 That water runs to any one of the outflows - we'd never find him. Bane turns to the Lead Mercenary. BANE Give me your GPS. Lead Mercenary hands him a GPS - Bane tucks it into Thug 2's jacket, zips it up like a mother sending her kid to school. 30. BANE Follow him. THUG 2 Follow him? Bane shoots Thug 2, kicks him into the water. Turns to Lead Mercenary. BANE Track him. Make sure both bodies will not be found. Then brick up the south tunnel. EXT. WATER TREATMENT FACILITY - NIGHT Blake comes out to the catchment basin. He spots something stuck up against the grille, thrusts his hand into the raging waters - Gordon is there, alive. Just. Blake pulls him up onto the concrete, hoists him up, hurrying... INT. FRONT HALL, WAYNE MANOR - DAY Alfred opens the door to reveal Blake in his dirty uniform. BLAKE I need to see Bruce Wayne. ALFRED I'm sorry, Mr. Wayne doesn't take unscheduled calls. Even from police officers. BLAKE And if I go get a warrant, in the investigation of Harvey Dent's murder? Would that still count as unscheduled? INT. STUDY, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Blake is sitting, drumming his leg, nervous. Wayne enters. WAYNE What can I do for you, officer? BLAKE Commissioner Gordon's been shot. 31. WAYNE I'm sorry to hear that - BLAKE He chased a gunman down into the sewers. When I pulled him out he was babbling about an underground army. A masked man called 'Bane'. WAYNE Shouldn't you be telling this to your superior officers? BLAKE I did. One of them asked if he saw any giant alligators down there. He needs you. He needs the Batman. WAYNE If Commissioner Gordon thinks I'm the Batman he must be in a bad way - BLAKE He doesn't know or care who you are. (Off look.) But we've met before. When I was a kid. At the orphanage. See, my mom died when I was small. Car accident, I don't really remember it. But a couple of years later my dad was shot over a gambling debt. I remember that just fine. (Looks at Wayne.) Not a lot of people who know what it feels like, do they? To be angry. In your bones. People understand, foster parents understand. For a while. Then they expect the angry kid to do what he knows he can never do. To move on. To forget. Wayne stares at Blake. BLAKE So they stopped understanding and sent the angry kid to a boys' home - St. Swithin's. Used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation. See, I figured it out too late. You have to hide the anger. Practice smiling in the mirror. Like putting on a mask. You showed up one day in a cool car, pretty girl on your arm. (MORE) 32. BLAKE (CONT'D) We were so excited - Bruce Wayne, billionaire orphan. We made up stories about you. Legends. The other boys' stories were just that. But when I saw you I knew who you really were... (Beat.) I'd seen that look on your face. Same one I taught myself. Blake gets up to leave. Wayne is lost in thought. BLAKE I don't know why you took the fall for Dent's murder, but I'm still a believer in the Batman. Even if you're not. WAYNE Why did you say your boys' home used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation? BLAKE Because the money stopped. Might be time to get some fresh air and start paying attention to the details. Some of those details might need your help. INT. HALL, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Wayne and Alfred watch Blake drive away. WAYNE You checked that name? 'Bane' - ALFRED Ran it through some databases. He's a mercenary. No other known name. Never been seen or photographed without a mask. He and his men were behind a coup in West Africa that secured mining operations for our friend John Daggett. WAYNE Now Daggett's brought them here? ALFRED It would seem so. I'll keep digging. 33. Alfred turns to leave. WAYNE Why did the Wayne Foundation stop funding boys' homes in the city? ALFRED The Foundation is funded from the profits of Wayne Enterprises... (Off look.) There have to be some. WAYNE Time to talk to Mr. Fox, I think. ALFRED I'll get him on the phone - WAYNE No. Do we still have any cars around the place? ALFRED (LIGHTS UP) One or two. WAYNE And I need an appointment at the hospital. About my leg. ALFRED Which hospital, sir? WAYNE Whichever one Jim Gordon's in. Alfred is less excited by this part of the request. EXT. WAYNE ENTERPRISES - DAY Moving towards the tall skyscraper downtown. MIRANDA (V.O.) Mr. Fox, I believe in what Mr. Wayne was trying to do... INT. BOARDROOM, WAYNE ENTERPRISES - CONTINUOUS Miranda is talking to Lucius Fox at the table. 34. MIRANDA I'm only asking for explanations because I think I can help. FOX I'll pass along your request. Next time I see him. Miranda catches something in this. MIRANDA He doesn't talk to you either? FOX Let's just say that Bruce Wayne has his...eccentricities. MIRANDA (RISING) Mr. Fox, are you aware that John Daggett is trying to acquire shares in Wayne Enterprises? FOX I was not. But it wouldn't do him any good - Mr. Wayne still retains a clear majority. Miranda leaves. Fox moves into his office - stops. FOX Bruce Wayne. As I live and breathe. Wayne rises, pushing hard on his cane. FOX What brings you out of cryo-sleep Mr. Wayne? WAYNE I see you haven't lost your sense of humor...even if you have lost most of my money. FOX Actually, you did that yourself. See, if you funnel the entire R and D budget for five years into a fusion project that you then mothball, your company is unlikely to thrive. 35. WAYNE Even with - FOX A wildly sophisticated CEO, yes. Wayne Enterprises is running out of time. And Daggett is moving in. WAYNE What're my options? FOX If you're not willing to turn your machine on - WAYNE I can't, Lucius. FOX Then sit tight. Your majority keeps Daggett at arm's length while we figure out a future for the energy program with Miranda Tate - she's supported your project all the way. She's smart, and quite lovely. WAYNE You too, Lucius? FOX We all just want what's best for you, Bruce. Show her the machine. WAYNE I'll think it over. FOX Anything else? WAYNE No, why? FOX These conversations always used to end with some...unusual requests. WAYNE I retired. FOX Let me show you some stuff, anyway. Fox hits a button - the bookcase opens into a hidden elevator. 36. INT. APPLIED SCIENCES - MOMENTS LATER Fox leads Wayne into the vast, gadget-filled space. They pass Tumblers with different weapons configurations... WAYNE I figured you'd have shut this place down. FOX It was always shut down, officially. WAYNE But all this new stuff? FOX After your father died, Wayne Enterprises set up fourteen different defense subsidiaries. I've spent years shuttering them and consolidating all the prototypes under one roof. My roof. WAYNE Why? FOX Stop them falling into the wrong hands. Besides, I thought someone might get some use out of them... Wayne shakes his head. FOX Sure I can't tempt you to something? Pneumatic crampons? Infrared lenses? Least let me get you something for that leg. WAYNE It's fine the use it gets these days. FOX Well, then I have just the thing for an eccentric billionaire who doesn't like to walk... Fox opens a door - we glimpse a sleek vehicle. Wayne's eyes light up. 37. WAYNE Now you're just showing off. FOX Defense Department project for tight-geometry urban pacification. Rotors configured for maneuvering between buildings without recirculation. WAYNE What's it called? FOX It has a long and uninteresting Wayne Enterprises designation. So I took to calling it the Bat. And yes, Mr. Wayne, it does come in black. Wayne touches its sleek side. Marveling. FOX Works great except for the autopilot. WAYNE What's wrong with that? FOX Software-based instability. Take a better mind than mine to fix it. WAYNE Better mind? FOX I was trying to be modest. A less busy mind. Yours, perhaps. Wayne looks wistfully at the machine. Turns away. WAYNE I told you. I retired, Lucius. INT. EXAMINATION ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - NIGHT Wayne listens, distracted, while a Doctor examines an X-ray. DOCTOR I've seen worse cartilage in knees - 38. WAYNE That's good - DOCTOR No, that's because there is no cartilage in your knee. And not much of any use in your elbows and shoulders. Between that and the scar tissue on your kidneys, residual concussive damage to your brain tissue and general scarred-over quality of your body... (Takes a deep breath.) I cannot recommend that you go heli-skiing. About the only part of your body that looks healthy is your liver, so if you're bored I recommend you take up drinking, Mr. Wayne. Wayne smiles. The Doctor leaves. Wayne pulls on a ski mask, steps to the window, hops up, pulls a wire from his cane, which he clips to his belt. He props his cane behind the frame - jumps out. The wire unspools from the cane as - EXT. TENTH FLOOR, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS Wayne drops three floors... INT. PRIVATE ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL - CONTINUOUS Gordon lies in his bed, hooked up to machines. Wayne, in ski mask, stands over him. Gordon's eyes flutter open. He tries to speak with a weak, hoarse voice... GORDON We were in this together. Then you were gone... WAYNE The Batman wasn't needed anymore. We won. GORDON Built on a lie. Our lie. Now there's evil rising from where we tried to bury it. Nobody will listen... The Batman has to come back. 39. WAYNE What if he doesn't exist anymore? GORDON He must. He must. INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI ON GOTHAM STREETS - NIGHT Wayne pulls up in front of a row of shabby subdivided town houses. Checks a tracking device. Jon, provocatively dressed, leads a Yuppie Banker-type in through a front door. INT. SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Selina sits in a small room getting ready to go out. She picks up the pearls - hears a disturbance in the hall. JEN (O.S.) I told you - money first - YUPPIE (O.S.) Goddammit, you took my wallet! INT. STAIRWELL OUTSIDE SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS The Yuppie has Jen against the wall - he reaches back to hit her with an expensive wristwatch-clad arm. But Selina has grabbed his wrist with a powerful grip. SELINA Get out. YUPPIE She took my wallet! Selina twists his arm behind him in a blinding move. SELINA Now. She releases the Yuppie, who moves off down the stairs. Selina turns to Jen. Who is examining a wallet. SELINA I told you not to try it with the assholes, Jen. JEN They're all assholes. 40. SELINA Okay, the assholes who hit. JEN I don't know what he's so upset about, he only had sixty bucks in here. SELINA Probably the watch. YOUNG WOMAN Watch? Selina opens her hand and gives Jen the Yuppie's Rolex. EXT. SELINA'S BUILDING, OLD TOWN, GOTHAM - LATER Selina exits and hails a cab. Wayne watches her go. Then pulls out. Checking his tracker. EXT. MUSEUM, GOTHAM - LATER Town cars dispense Gotham society in tasteful masquerade. Wayne pulls up to the Valet. Paparazzi line the entrance. Wayne uses his cane to get out of his Lamborghini... PAPARAZZI Another stiff too old to climb out of his sports car. PAPARAZZI 2 No, that's Bruce Wayne! Hey, Wayne, where you been hiding? Lenses swing onto Wayne, who pushes a button on his key fob - a pulse. The cameras die. Wayne heads to the door. WAYNE I'm not sure if my assistant put me on the guest list - GREETER Right through here, Mr. Wayne... 41. INT. MUSEUM - CONTINUOUS A lavish ball - the expressively attired dance under falling confetti... Even Bruce Wayne is struck by the ostentation. He spots Selina dancing with a deeply smitten Rich Twit. She wears a small, velvet pair of cat ears. And the pearls. MIRANDA (O.S) Bruce Wayne at a charity ball? Wayne turns to find Miranda Tate, amazed, a small mask her only concession to fancy dress. WAYNE Miss Tate, isn't it? MIRANDA Even before you became a recluse, you never came to these things... WAYNE True. Proceeds go to the big fat spread, not the cause. It's not about charity, it's about feeding the ego of whichever society hag laid it on. MIRANDA Actually, this is my party, Mr. Wayne. WAYNE Oh. MIRANDA And the proceeds will go where they should, because I paid for the big fat spread myself. WAYNE That's very generous of you. MIRANDA You have to invest to restore balance to the world. Take our clean-energy project... WAYNE Sometimes the investment doesn't pay off. Sorry. 42. MIRANDA You have a practiced apathy, Mr. Wayne. But a man who doesn't care about the world doesn't spend half his fortune on a plan to save it... (Gentle.) And isn't so wounded when it fails that he goes into hiding... Wayne looks at Miranda. Intrigued. MIRANDA Have a good evening, Mr. Wayne. Wayne watches Miranda glide away. Then turns to Selina. WAYNE Mind if I cut in? Rich Twit turns, annoyed - Wayne hands him his cane. Takes Selina by the waist. She glares at him. WAYNE You don't seem very happy to see me. SELINA You were supposed to be a shut-in. WAYNE Felt like some fresh air. SELINA Why didn't you call the police? WAYNE I have a powerful friend who deals with this kind of thing. (Admires her cat ears.) Brazen costume for a cat burglar. SELINA Yeah? Who are you pretending to be? WAYNE Bruce Wayne, eccentric billionaire. Who's your date? SELINA His wife's in Ibiza. She left her diamonds behind, though. Worried they'd get stolen. 43. WAYNE It's pronounced 'Ibeetha'. You wouldn't want these folks realizing you're a crook not a social climber. SELINA (flash of anger) You think I care what anyone in this room thinks about me? WAYNE I doubt you care what anyone in this room thinks about you. SELINA Don't condescend, Mr. Wayne. You don't know a thing about me. WAYNE Well, Selina Kyle, I know you came here from your walk-up in Old Town - modest place for a master jewel thief. Which means either you're saving for your retirement - or you're in deep with the wrong people. SELINA You don't get to judge me because you were born in the master bedroom of Wayne Manor. WAYNE Actually, I was born in the Regency Room. SELINA I started off doing what I had to. Once you've done what you had to they'll never let you do what you want to. WAYNE Start fresh. SELINA There's no fresh start in today's world. Any twelve-year-old with a cell phone could find out what you did. Everything we do is collated and quantified. Everything sticks. We are the sum of our mistakes. 44. WAYNE Or our achievements. SELINA The mistakes stick better. Trust me. WAYNE You think that justifies stealing? SELINA I take what I need to from those who have more than enough. I don't stand on the shoulders of people with less. WAYNE Robin Hood? SELINA I'd do more to help someone than most of the people in this room. Than you. WAYNE Maybe you're assuming too much. SELINA Or maybe you're being unrealistic about what's really in your pants other than your wallet. WAYNE Ouch. SELINA You think all this can last? Wayne glances around at the sumptuous party. SELINA There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits you're all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little to the rest of us. WAYNE Sounds like you're looking forward to it. 45. SELINA I'm adaptable. WAYNE These pearls do look better on you then they did in my safe... Wayne rolls her into his shoulder - reaches up to the back of her neck, unclasps the necklace. But I still can't let you keep them. The pearls slide off her neck into his other hand. Selina looks at him. Angry. Then kisses him, hard, and disappears into the crowd. Wayne's cane reappears. RICH TWIT (ANNOYED) You scared her off. WAYNE Not likely. EXT. MUSEUM - MOMENTS LATER Wayne approaches the Valet. Pats down his pockets. WAYNE I must have lost my ticket - VALET Your wife said you were taking a cab home, sir. WAYNE My wife? INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI RACING DOWN STREETS - CONTINUOUS Selina permits herself a little smile as she guns the engine. INT. ROLLS ROYCE - LATER Alfred watches in the mirror as Wayne climbs into the back. ALFRED Just you, sir? Wayne gives him a withering glare. (MORE) 46. ALFRED (CONT'D) Don't worry, Master Wayne. Takes a little time to get back into the swing of things. Wayne dials his phone. FOX (O.S.) This is Fox. WAYNE Remember those 'unusual requests' I used to make? FOX (O.S.) I knew it! Up front, Alfred listens. Concerned. INT. BATCAVE - DAY Wayne pushes a button on a hi-tech carbon fiber brace strapped to his good knee - the brace tones. As Wayne starts moving his knee, bending, stretching, Alfred puts down a Thermos. ALFRED You've got the wrong leg, sir. WAYNE You start with the good limb so it learns your optimum muscle patterns. Wayne swaps the brace to his bad knee. Puts his weight on it - the knee bends, kicks. He sits again. Cautious. Now we tighten it up. Wayne gingerly pushes a button - the brace starts to shrink tight to his leg, digging in. Wayne grits his teeth. ALFRED It is terribly painful? WAYNE (GRITTED TEETH) You're welcome to try it, Alfred. ALFRED Happy watching, thank you, sir. Wayne shouts as the brace clicks home. He gets to his feet. 47. WAYNE Not bad - Wayne executes a perfect roundhouse, knocking out a brick. Not bad at all. Alfred picks up the brick. Considers it. Uneasy. He follows Wayne across the bridge to the cube. ALFRED Master Wayne, if you're considering going back out there you need to hear some rumors surrounding Bane. WAYNE I'm all ears. ALFRED There is a prison. In a more ancient part of the world. A pit. Where men are thrown to suffer and die. But sometimes, a man rises from the darkness. Sometimes...the pit sends something back. WAYNE Bane. ALFRED Born and raised in a hell on earth. WAYNE Born in a prison? ALFRED No one knows why. Or how he escaped. But they know who trained him one he did...R 's al Gh l. Your A U mentor. Wayne takes this in. Shocked. ALFRED He plucked Bane from a dark corner of the earth and trained him in the blackest disciplines of combat, deception and endurance. Just like you. WAYNE Bane was a member of the League of Shadows. 48. ALFRED Until he was excommunicated. And a man considered too extreme for R 's A al Gh l is not to be trifled with. U WAYNE I didn't realize I was known for trifling with criminals. ALFRED That was then. And you can strap up your leg and put the mask back on. But it won't make you what you were. WAYNE Which was? ALFRED Someone whose anger at death made him value all life. Even his own. WAYNE If this man is all the things you say he is, then this city needs me. The Batsuit emerges from the cube. ALFRED Yes, this city needs Bruce Wayne. Your resources, your knowledge...not your body. Not your life. That time has passed. WAYNE I tried helping as Bruce Wayne, Alfred. And I failed. ALFRED You can fail as Bruce Wayne. As Batman, you can't afford to. WAYNE That's what you're afraid of - that if I go back out there I'll fail. ALFRED No. I'm afraid that you want to. Wayne looks at Alfred. Then turns to examine the Batsuit. 49. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - EVENING A frenzy of trading on the packed floor... Two Traders sit on a shoeshine stand in the lobby. TRADER 2 You can't short the stock because Bruce Wayne goes to a party - TRADER 1 Wayne coming back is change. Change is either good or bad. TRADER 2 On what basis? TRADER 1 I flipped a coin. Near the front entrance: a Food Delivery Guy is standing there negotiating with a Trader. TRADER 3 No. Rye. I told 'em rye. Trader 3 spots bad news on a screen. Alright, I'll take it. He thrusts Food Guy a tip and grabs the bag, distracted... At the rear secure entrance: a Motorcycle Courier enters, wearing his helmet - a Female Security Guard gets in his face. FEMALE SECURITY GUARD Rookie! Lose the helmet! (Points at a camera.) We need faces for cameras. In the rest room: a Janitor mops the floor, shifting out of the way of two Traders who rush in to pee. At the shoeshine stand, Trader 1 waves a bill down at the man shining his shoes without a glance. Shoeshine Man takes the bill, then, as the Traders step off, he reaches into a gym bag and checks an automatic weapon. He clicks the slide home, then hoists the gym bag and heads for the trading floor. At the secure entrance: the Courier pulls off his helmet. The Female Security Guard's eyes go wide. 50. In the rest room: the Janitor reaches into his bucket and pulls out a machine pistol in a Ziploc bag. Near the front entrance: Food Guy pulls an automatic pistol - clubs Trader 3 with it, pastrami flying. Shoeshine Man moves onto the floor, pulls out his weapon. Under the Courier's helmet - a mask. Bane. He grabs the Female Security Guard and throws her into her colleagues, lashing out in four directions with rapidfire lethality. Shoeshine Man fires into the large trading screens. The floor erupts into a different frenzy - traders hit the deck, screaming. Bane moves onto the floor... TRADER 1 This is a stock exchange, there's no money you can steal - He dries up as Bane stops. Turns to him... BANE Why else would you people be here? Bane grabs Trader 1 by the throat and drags him across the floor to an online automated trades terminal... He puts the man's thumb onto the print reader - the screen lights up. BANE Enter your password. Or I send these men to your home. Trader 1, terrified, types in his password. Outside, sirens. Shoeshine man pulls out a USB drive with an antenna - plugs it into the computer - figures race across the screen... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Police vehicles screech into the narrow street - construction vehicles are blocking. Blake argues with a burly Construction Worker. BLAKE Move it, now! We've got a situation. CONSTRUCTION WORKER Where can I move it?! BLAKE That way! Blake points - but SWAT vehicles pile in, blocking. 51. BLAKE Get in your vehicle and stay there! Foley and the SWAT Commander, Allen, approach the entrance. The Market Security Chief walks up, frantic. SECURITY CHIEF You've gotta get in there! FOLEY This is a hostage situation - SECURITY CHIEF It's a robbery! They've got direct access to the online trading desk. FOLEY I'm not risking my men for your MONEY - SECURITY CHIEF It's not our money, it's everyone's! ALLEN Really? Mine's in my mattress. SECURITY CHIEF If you don't shut these guys down, the stuffing in that mattress might be worth a whole lot less, pal. FOLEY Cut the fiber line - shut down the cell tower. That'll slow them down. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Shoeshine Man looks up from the laptop. SHOESHINE MAN They cut the fiber. Cell's working. BANE For now. How much longer does the program need? SHOESHINE MAN Eight minutes. 52. BANE Time to go mobile. Shoeshine Man picks up the laptop, slips it into his pack... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Allen shouts at his men. ALLEN Get the barriers up - no more in and out on this street! Steel wedge-shaped barriers rise up at the mouth of the street. A Sniper watches the doors through a thermal scope. Six large heat signatures bloom, too big for people... SNIPER I've got something - The door explodes. SWATs duck, six sportbikes race out and leap the ramp-like barricades, sending SWATs scattering. Cops scramble to pull their vehicles out to give chase. EXT. GOTHAM STREET - CONTINUOUS The bikes weave through traffic, Traders strapped to the back, facing backwards - screaming, ties flying in the wind. A cruiser falls in behind. ROOKIE COP Shoot the tires! A Veteran Cop sights a shot, but the Traders are in the way. VETERAN COP No shot! EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Foley is barking into his radio. FOLEY Back off, back off! They've got hostages! 53. INT./EXT. CRUISER ON GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS The cruiser follows the bike into a large tunnel. A Rookie Cop looks up into his rear-view. ROOKIE COP What's going on with the lights? The Veteran Cop looks back - streetlights and headlights are dying one after another. The darkness is chasing them - the darkness hits them. Their lights, sirens, and engine die... And, out of the silence, a dark shape roars past - VETERAN COP It can't be... ROOKIE COP The hell was that?! VETERAN COP Oh boy. You're in for a show tonight, son. EXT. HIGHWAY - CONTINUOUS Food Guy drives the rear bike. He looks back - sees streetlights explode behind him - darkness catching him up. The engine chokes and dies.

bookcase

How many times the word 'bookcase' appears in the text?

- CONTINUOUS The SWATs return fire. The Thugs lay down cover fire, then race around a corner into a smaller passage. A cop car pulls up, blocking the mouth of the alley - Gordon jumps out, gun drawn. The SWATs approach the passage, massing on both corners tactically. The two corner SWATs exchange hand signals, counting down... They round the corner, aiming low and high. The passage is empty. The SWATs cover a fire escape, but Gordon spots at once - GORDON Manhole! He races to the manhole cover - SWATs wrench off the cover, Gordon grabs a flashlight from the nearest SWAT. GORDON You three, down with me. You two, head down to cover the next exit - SWAT Where -? GORDON Get the DWP down here, now! Gordon starts climbing down the ladder... INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon moves down the tunnel, flashlight low. Three SWATs fall in behind... 27. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake comes into the alley. Cops surround the manhole. COP Where's the DWP guy? BLAKE They went down there? FOLEY (shaking his head) And Gordon took SWAT in after them. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon hears a noise up ahead - pushes forward, rounds the corner. BANG! GUNFIRE. SWATs return fire, shots sparking off the concrete walls, then - BOOM - behind him the tunnel ERUPTS IN FIRE, blasting the SWATs. Gordon races forward, tearing through the tunnels. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake jumps back as a fireball bursts out of the manhole. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Gordon races around a corner, gun drawn. A noise makes him turn - WHACK, he is clobbered from behind by a Thug. EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS Blake pushes forward. BLAKE Come on, we gotta get down there - COP That was a gas explosion, kid - BLAKE Gas? This is a sewer! FOLEY No one goes in there till we know what's down there. 28. BLAKE We know what's down there, sir. The Police Commissioner! FOLEY Somebody get the hothead out of here. And get me a DWP guy! Blake backs off. Gets an idea - goes for his patrol car. INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS Thug 1 flips Gordon onto his back. THUG 1 This one's alive. (Looks closer.) Jesus. It's the Police Commissioner. THUG 2 What do we do? THUG 1 Take him to Bane. The two Thugs drag Gordon down through the maze of tunnels. As they descend deeper they encounter work crews of muscular men wielding large drills and jackhammers, working the walls and ceiling of the larger tunnels. Some of the men are armed Mercenaries, overseeing gangs of homeless street kids. They stare as Gordon is dragged past. The Thugs drag Gordon between two waterfalls, into - INT. BANE'S LAIR, SEWERS - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT) They approach a figure, turned away, crouched in the firelight. Bare-chested, muscular, masked. Bane. A crooked line of scar tissue runs the length of his spine... BANE Why are you here? The Thugs drop Gordon at Bane's feet. THUG 1 Answer him! Bane slowly turns to the Thugs. 29. BANE I'm asking you. THUG 1 It's the Police Commissioner. BANE And you brought him down here? THUG 2 We didn't know what to do. We - BANE You panicked. And your weakness costs three lives. THUG 1 No, he's alone - Bane flips the Thug's chin up and to the side with a crack. Thug 1 drops. Bane turns to Thug 2. BANE Search him. Then I will kill you. The Thug, terrified, pulls out Gordon's badge, wallet, gun...and the folded papers of the speech he did not read. Bane takes these one by one with quick glances. He stops at the papers. Unfolds them... As he reads, Gordon rolls off the steps, dropping into the rushing flow of water - gunshots ring out... THUG 2 He's dead. Thug 2 trails off as Bane looks up from the papers... BANE Then show me his body. THUG 2 That water runs to any one of the outflows - we'd never find him. Bane turns to the Lead Mercenary. BANE Give me your GPS. Lead Mercenary hands him a GPS - Bane tucks it into Thug 2's jacket, zips it up like a mother sending her kid to school. 30. BANE Follow him. THUG 2 Follow him? Bane shoots Thug 2, kicks him into the water. Turns to Lead Mercenary. BANE Track him. Make sure both bodies will not be found. Then brick up the south tunnel. EXT. WATER TREATMENT FACILITY - NIGHT Blake comes out to the catchment basin. He spots something stuck up against the grille, thrusts his hand into the raging waters - Gordon is there, alive. Just. Blake pulls him up onto the concrete, hoists him up, hurrying... INT. FRONT HALL, WAYNE MANOR - DAY Alfred opens the door to reveal Blake in his dirty uniform. BLAKE I need to see Bruce Wayne. ALFRED I'm sorry, Mr. Wayne doesn't take unscheduled calls. Even from police officers. BLAKE And if I go get a warrant, in the investigation of Harvey Dent's murder? Would that still count as unscheduled? INT. STUDY, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Blake is sitting, drumming his leg, nervous. Wayne enters. WAYNE What can I do for you, officer? BLAKE Commissioner Gordon's been shot. 31. WAYNE I'm sorry to hear that - BLAKE He chased a gunman down into the sewers. When I pulled him out he was babbling about an underground army. A masked man called 'Bane'. WAYNE Shouldn't you be telling this to your superior officers? BLAKE I did. One of them asked if he saw any giant alligators down there. He needs you. He needs the Batman. WAYNE If Commissioner Gordon thinks I'm the Batman he must be in a bad way - BLAKE He doesn't know or care who you are. (Off look.) But we've met before. When I was a kid. At the orphanage. See, my mom died when I was small. Car accident, I don't really remember it. But a couple of years later my dad was shot over a gambling debt. I remember that just fine. (Looks at Wayne.) Not a lot of people who know what it feels like, do they? To be angry. In your bones. People understand, foster parents understand. For a while. Then they expect the angry kid to do what he knows he can never do. To move on. To forget. Wayne stares at Blake. BLAKE So they stopped understanding and sent the angry kid to a boys' home - St. Swithin's. Used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation. See, I figured it out too late. You have to hide the anger. Practice smiling in the mirror. Like putting on a mask. You showed up one day in a cool car, pretty girl on your arm. (MORE) 32. BLAKE (CONT'D) We were so excited - Bruce Wayne, billionaire orphan. We made up stories about you. Legends. The other boys' stories were just that. But when I saw you I knew who you really were... (Beat.) I'd seen that look on your face. Same one I taught myself. Blake gets up to leave. Wayne is lost in thought. BLAKE I don't know why you took the fall for Dent's murder, but I'm still a believer in the Batman. Even if you're not. WAYNE Why did you say your boys' home used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation? BLAKE Because the money stopped. Might be time to get some fresh air and start paying attention to the details. Some of those details might need your help. INT. HALL, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER Wayne and Alfred watch Blake drive away. WAYNE You checked that name? 'Bane' - ALFRED Ran it through some databases. He's a mercenary. No other known name. Never been seen or photographed without a mask. He and his men were behind a coup in West Africa that secured mining operations for our friend John Daggett. WAYNE Now Daggett's brought them here? ALFRED It would seem so. I'll keep digging. 33. Alfred turns to leave. WAYNE Why did the Wayne Foundation stop funding boys' homes in the city? ALFRED The Foundation is funded from the profits of Wayne Enterprises... (Off look.) There have to be some. WAYNE Time to talk to Mr. Fox, I think. ALFRED I'll get him on the phone - WAYNE No. Do we still have any cars around the place? ALFRED (LIGHTS UP) One or two. WAYNE And I need an appointment at the hospital. About my leg. ALFRED Which hospital, sir? WAYNE Whichever one Jim Gordon's in. Alfred is less excited by this part of the request. EXT. WAYNE ENTERPRISES - DAY Moving towards the tall skyscraper downtown. MIRANDA (V.O.) Mr. Fox, I believe in what Mr. Wayne was trying to do... INT. BOARDROOM, WAYNE ENTERPRISES - CONTINUOUS Miranda is talking to Lucius Fox at the table. 34. MIRANDA I'm only asking for explanations because I think I can help. FOX I'll pass along your request. Next time I see him. Miranda catches something in this. MIRANDA He doesn't talk to you either? FOX Let's just say that Bruce Wayne has his...eccentricities. MIRANDA (RISING) Mr. Fox, are you aware that John Daggett is trying to acquire shares in Wayne Enterprises? FOX I was not. But it wouldn't do him any good - Mr. Wayne still retains a clear majority. Miranda leaves. Fox moves into his office - stops. FOX Bruce Wayne. As I live and breathe. Wayne rises, pushing hard on his cane. FOX What brings you out of cryo-sleep Mr. Wayne? WAYNE I see you haven't lost your sense of humor...even if you have lost most of my money. FOX Actually, you did that yourself. See, if you funnel the entire R and D budget for five years into a fusion project that you then mothball, your company is unlikely to thrive. 35. WAYNE Even with - FOX A wildly sophisticated CEO, yes. Wayne Enterprises is running out of time. And Daggett is moving in. WAYNE What're my options? FOX If you're not willing to turn your machine on - WAYNE I can't, Lucius. FOX Then sit tight. Your majority keeps Daggett at arm's length while we figure out a future for the energy program with Miranda Tate - she's supported your project all the way. She's smart, and quite lovely. WAYNE You too, Lucius? FOX We all just want what's best for you, Bruce. Show her the machine. WAYNE I'll think it over. FOX Anything else? WAYNE No, why? FOX These conversations always used to end with some...unusual requests. WAYNE I retired. FOX Let me show you some stuff, anyway. Fox hits a button - the bookcase opens into a hidden elevator. 36. INT. APPLIED SCIENCES - MOMENTS LATER Fox leads Wayne into the vast, gadget-filled space. They pass Tumblers with different weapons configurations... WAYNE I figured you'd have shut this place down. FOX It was always shut down, officially. WAYNE But all this new stuff? FOX After your father died, Wayne Enterprises set up fourteen different defense subsidiaries. I've spent years shuttering them and consolidating all the prototypes under one roof. My roof. WAYNE Why? FOX Stop them falling into the wrong hands. Besides, I thought someone might get some use out of them... Wayne shakes his head. FOX Sure I can't tempt you to something? Pneumatic crampons? Infrared lenses? Least let me get you something for that leg. WAYNE It's fine the use it gets these days. FOX Well, then I have just the thing for an eccentric billionaire who doesn't like to walk... Fox opens a door - we glimpse a sleek vehicle. Wayne's eyes light up. 37. WAYNE Now you're just showing off. FOX Defense Department project for tight-geometry urban pacification. Rotors configured for maneuvering between buildings without recirculation. WAYNE What's it called? FOX It has a long and uninteresting Wayne Enterprises designation. So I took to calling it the Bat. And yes, Mr. Wayne, it does come in black. Wayne touches its sleek side. Marveling. FOX Works great except for the autopilot. WAYNE What's wrong with that? FOX Software-based instability. Take a better mind than mine to fix it. WAYNE Better mind? FOX I was trying to be modest. A less busy mind. Yours, perhaps. Wayne looks wistfully at the machine. Turns away. WAYNE I told you. I retired, Lucius. INT. EXAMINATION ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - NIGHT Wayne listens, distracted, while a Doctor examines an X-ray. DOCTOR I've seen worse cartilage in knees - 38. WAYNE That's good - DOCTOR No, that's because there is no cartilage in your knee. And not much of any use in your elbows and shoulders. Between that and the scar tissue on your kidneys, residual concussive damage to your brain tissue and general scarred-over quality of your body... (Takes a deep breath.) I cannot recommend that you go heli-skiing. About the only part of your body that looks healthy is your liver, so if you're bored I recommend you take up drinking, Mr. Wayne. Wayne smiles. The Doctor leaves. Wayne pulls on a ski mask, steps to the window, hops up, pulls a wire from his cane, which he clips to his belt. He props his cane behind the frame - jumps out. The wire unspools from the cane as - EXT. TENTH FLOOR, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS Wayne drops three floors... INT. PRIVATE ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL - CONTINUOUS Gordon lies in his bed, hooked up to machines. Wayne, in ski mask, stands over him. Gordon's eyes flutter open. He tries to speak with a weak, hoarse voice... GORDON We were in this together. Then you were gone... WAYNE The Batman wasn't needed anymore. We won. GORDON Built on a lie. Our lie. Now there's evil rising from where we tried to bury it. Nobody will listen... The Batman has to come back. 39. WAYNE What if he doesn't exist anymore? GORDON He must. He must. INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI ON GOTHAM STREETS - NIGHT Wayne pulls up in front of a row of shabby subdivided town houses. Checks a tracking device. Jon, provocatively dressed, leads a Yuppie Banker-type in through a front door. INT. SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Selina sits in a small room getting ready to go out. She picks up the pearls - hears a disturbance in the hall. JEN (O.S.) I told you - money first - YUPPIE (O.S.) Goddammit, you took my wallet! INT. STAIRWELL OUTSIDE SELINA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS The Yuppie has Jen against the wall - he reaches back to hit her with an expensive wristwatch-clad arm. But Selina has grabbed his wrist with a powerful grip. SELINA Get out. YUPPIE She took my wallet! Selina twists his arm behind him in a blinding move. SELINA Now. She releases the Yuppie, who moves off down the stairs. Selina turns to Jen. Who is examining a wallet. SELINA I told you not to try it with the assholes, Jen. JEN They're all assholes. 40. SELINA Okay, the assholes who hit. JEN I don't know what he's so upset about, he only had sixty bucks in here. SELINA Probably the watch. YOUNG WOMAN Watch? Selina opens her hand and gives Jen the Yuppie's Rolex. EXT. SELINA'S BUILDING, OLD TOWN, GOTHAM - LATER Selina exits and hails a cab. Wayne watches her go. Then pulls out. Checking his tracker. EXT. MUSEUM, GOTHAM - LATER Town cars dispense Gotham society in tasteful masquerade. Wayne pulls up to the Valet. Paparazzi line the entrance. Wayne uses his cane to get out of his Lamborghini... PAPARAZZI Another stiff too old to climb out of his sports car. PAPARAZZI 2 No, that's Bruce Wayne! Hey, Wayne, where you been hiding? Lenses swing onto Wayne, who pushes a button on his key fob - a pulse. The cameras die. Wayne heads to the door. WAYNE I'm not sure if my assistant put me on the guest list - GREETER Right through here, Mr. Wayne... 41. INT. MUSEUM - CONTINUOUS A lavish ball - the expressively attired dance under falling confetti... Even Bruce Wayne is struck by the ostentation. He spots Selina dancing with a deeply smitten Rich Twit. She wears a small, velvet pair of cat ears. And the pearls. MIRANDA (O.S) Bruce Wayne at a charity ball? Wayne turns to find Miranda Tate, amazed, a small mask her only concession to fancy dress. WAYNE Miss Tate, isn't it? MIRANDA Even before you became a recluse, you never came to these things... WAYNE True. Proceeds go to the big fat spread, not the cause. It's not about charity, it's about feeding the ego of whichever society hag laid it on. MIRANDA Actually, this is my party, Mr. Wayne. WAYNE Oh. MIRANDA And the proceeds will go where they should, because I paid for the big fat spread myself. WAYNE That's very generous of you. MIRANDA You have to invest to restore balance to the world. Take our clean-energy project... WAYNE Sometimes the investment doesn't pay off. Sorry. 42. MIRANDA You have a practiced apathy, Mr. Wayne. But a man who doesn't care about the world doesn't spend half his fortune on a plan to save it... (Gentle.) And isn't so wounded when it fails that he goes into hiding... Wayne looks at Miranda. Intrigued. MIRANDA Have a good evening, Mr. Wayne. Wayne watches Miranda glide away. Then turns to Selina. WAYNE Mind if I cut in? Rich Twit turns, annoyed - Wayne hands him his cane. Takes Selina by the waist. She glares at him. WAYNE You don't seem very happy to see me. SELINA You were supposed to be a shut-in. WAYNE Felt like some fresh air. SELINA Why didn't you call the police? WAYNE I have a powerful friend who deals with this kind of thing. (Admires her cat ears.) Brazen costume for a cat burglar. SELINA Yeah? Who are you pretending to be? WAYNE Bruce Wayne, eccentric billionaire. Who's your date? SELINA His wife's in Ibiza. She left her diamonds behind, though. Worried they'd get stolen. 43. WAYNE It's pronounced 'Ibeetha'. You wouldn't want these folks realizing you're a crook not a social climber. SELINA (flash of anger) You think I care what anyone in this room thinks about me? WAYNE I doubt you care what anyone in this room thinks about you. SELINA Don't condescend, Mr. Wayne. You don't know a thing about me. WAYNE Well, Selina Kyle, I know you came here from your walk-up in Old Town - modest place for a master jewel thief. Which means either you're saving for your retirement - or you're in deep with the wrong people. SELINA You don't get to judge me because you were born in the master bedroom of Wayne Manor. WAYNE Actually, I was born in the Regency Room. SELINA I started off doing what I had to. Once you've done what you had to they'll never let you do what you want to. WAYNE Start fresh. SELINA There's no fresh start in today's world. Any twelve-year-old with a cell phone could find out what you did. Everything we do is collated and quantified. Everything sticks. We are the sum of our mistakes. 44. WAYNE Or our achievements. SELINA The mistakes stick better. Trust me. WAYNE You think that justifies stealing? SELINA I take what I need to from those who have more than enough. I don't stand on the shoulders of people with less. WAYNE Robin Hood? SELINA I'd do more to help someone than most of the people in this room. Than you. WAYNE Maybe you're assuming too much. SELINA Or maybe you're being unrealistic about what's really in your pants other than your wallet. WAYNE Ouch. SELINA You think all this can last? Wayne glances around at the sumptuous party. SELINA There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits you're all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little to the rest of us. WAYNE Sounds like you're looking forward to it. 45. SELINA I'm adaptable. WAYNE These pearls do look better on you then they did in my safe... Wayne rolls her into his shoulder - reaches up to the back of her neck, unclasps the necklace. But I still can't let you keep them. The pearls slide off her neck into his other hand. Selina looks at him. Angry. Then kisses him, hard, and disappears into the crowd. Wayne's cane reappears. RICH TWIT (ANNOYED) You scared her off. WAYNE Not likely. EXT. MUSEUM - MOMENTS LATER Wayne approaches the Valet. Pats down his pockets. WAYNE I must have lost my ticket - VALET Your wife said you were taking a cab home, sir. WAYNE My wife? INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI RACING DOWN STREETS - CONTINUOUS Selina permits herself a little smile as she guns the engine. INT. ROLLS ROYCE - LATER Alfred watches in the mirror as Wayne climbs into the back. ALFRED Just you, sir? Wayne gives him a withering glare. (MORE) 46. ALFRED (CONT'D) Don't worry, Master Wayne. Takes a little time to get back into the swing of things. Wayne dials his phone. FOX (O.S.) This is Fox. WAYNE Remember those 'unusual requests' I used to make? FOX (O.S.) I knew it! Up front, Alfred listens. Concerned. INT. BATCAVE - DAY Wayne pushes a button on a hi-tech carbon fiber brace strapped to his good knee - the brace tones. As Wayne starts moving his knee, bending, stretching, Alfred puts down a Thermos. ALFRED You've got the wrong leg, sir. WAYNE You start with the good limb so it learns your optimum muscle patterns. Wayne swaps the brace to his bad knee. Puts his weight on it - the knee bends, kicks. He sits again. Cautious. Now we tighten it up. Wayne gingerly pushes a button - the brace starts to shrink tight to his leg, digging in. Wayne grits his teeth. ALFRED It is terribly painful? WAYNE (GRITTED TEETH) You're welcome to try it, Alfred. ALFRED Happy watching, thank you, sir. Wayne shouts as the brace clicks home. He gets to his feet. 47. WAYNE Not bad - Wayne executes a perfect roundhouse, knocking out a brick. Not bad at all. Alfred picks up the brick. Considers it. Uneasy. He follows Wayne across the bridge to the cube. ALFRED Master Wayne, if you're considering going back out there you need to hear some rumors surrounding Bane. WAYNE I'm all ears. ALFRED There is a prison. In a more ancient part of the world. A pit. Where men are thrown to suffer and die. But sometimes, a man rises from the darkness. Sometimes...the pit sends something back. WAYNE Bane. ALFRED Born and raised in a hell on earth. WAYNE Born in a prison? ALFRED No one knows why. Or how he escaped. But they know who trained him one he did...R 's al Gh l. Your A U mentor. Wayne takes this in. Shocked. ALFRED He plucked Bane from a dark corner of the earth and trained him in the blackest disciplines of combat, deception and endurance. Just like you. WAYNE Bane was a member of the League of Shadows. 48. ALFRED Until he was excommunicated. And a man considered too extreme for R 's A al Gh l is not to be trifled with. U WAYNE I didn't realize I was known for trifling with criminals. ALFRED That was then. And you can strap up your leg and put the mask back on. But it won't make you what you were. WAYNE Which was? ALFRED Someone whose anger at death made him value all life. Even his own. WAYNE If this man is all the things you say he is, then this city needs me. The Batsuit emerges from the cube. ALFRED Yes, this city needs Bruce Wayne. Your resources, your knowledge...not your body. Not your life. That time has passed. WAYNE I tried helping as Bruce Wayne, Alfred. And I failed. ALFRED You can fail as Bruce Wayne. As Batman, you can't afford to. WAYNE That's what you're afraid of - that if I go back out there I'll fail. ALFRED No. I'm afraid that you want to. Wayne looks at Alfred. Then turns to examine the Batsuit. 49. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - EVENING A frenzy of trading on the packed floor... Two Traders sit on a shoeshine stand in the lobby. TRADER 2 You can't short the stock because Bruce Wayne goes to a party - TRADER 1 Wayne coming back is change. Change is either good or bad. TRADER 2 On what basis? TRADER 1 I flipped a coin. Near the front entrance: a Food Delivery Guy is standing there negotiating with a Trader. TRADER 3 No. Rye. I told 'em rye. Trader 3 spots bad news on a screen. Alright, I'll take it. He thrusts Food Guy a tip and grabs the bag, distracted... At the rear secure entrance: a Motorcycle Courier enters, wearing his helmet - a Female Security Guard gets in his face. FEMALE SECURITY GUARD Rookie! Lose the helmet! (Points at a camera.) We need faces for cameras. In the rest room: a Janitor mops the floor, shifting out of the way of two Traders who rush in to pee. At the shoeshine stand, Trader 1 waves a bill down at the man shining his shoes without a glance. Shoeshine Man takes the bill, then, as the Traders step off, he reaches into a gym bag and checks an automatic weapon. He clicks the slide home, then hoists the gym bag and heads for the trading floor. At the secure entrance: the Courier pulls off his helmet. The Female Security Guard's eyes go wide. 50. In the rest room: the Janitor reaches into his bucket and pulls out a machine pistol in a Ziploc bag. Near the front entrance: Food Guy pulls an automatic pistol - clubs Trader 3 with it, pastrami flying. Shoeshine Man moves onto the floor, pulls out his weapon. Under the Courier's helmet - a mask. Bane. He grabs the Female Security Guard and throws her into her colleagues, lashing out in four directions with rapidfire lethality. Shoeshine Man fires into the large trading screens. The floor erupts into a different frenzy - traders hit the deck, screaming. Bane moves onto the floor... TRADER 1 This is a stock exchange, there's no money you can steal - He dries up as Bane stops. Turns to him... BANE Why else would you people be here? Bane grabs Trader 1 by the throat and drags him across the floor to an online automated trades terminal... He puts the man's thumb onto the print reader - the screen lights up. BANE Enter your password. Or I send these men to your home. Trader 1, terrified, types in his password. Outside, sirens. Shoeshine man pulls out a USB drive with an antenna - plugs it into the computer - figures race across the screen... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Police vehicles screech into the narrow street - construction vehicles are blocking. Blake argues with a burly Construction Worker. BLAKE Move it, now! We've got a situation. CONSTRUCTION WORKER Where can I move it?! BLAKE That way! Blake points - but SWAT vehicles pile in, blocking. 51. BLAKE Get in your vehicle and stay there! Foley and the SWAT Commander, Allen, approach the entrance. The Market Security Chief walks up, frantic. SECURITY CHIEF You've gotta get in there! FOLEY This is a hostage situation - SECURITY CHIEF It's a robbery! They've got direct access to the online trading desk. FOLEY I'm not risking my men for your MONEY - SECURITY CHIEF It's not our money, it's everyone's! ALLEN Really? Mine's in my mattress. SECURITY CHIEF If you don't shut these guys down, the stuffing in that mattress might be worth a whole lot less, pal. FOLEY Cut the fiber line - shut down the cell tower. That'll slow them down. INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Shoeshine Man looks up from the laptop. SHOESHINE MAN They cut the fiber. Cell's working. BANE For now. How much longer does the program need? SHOESHINE MAN Eight minutes. 52. BANE Time to go mobile. Shoeshine Man picks up the laptop, slips it into his pack... EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Allen shouts at his men. ALLEN Get the barriers up - no more in and out on this street! Steel wedge-shaped barriers rise up at the mouth of the street. A Sniper watches the doors through a thermal scope. Six large heat signatures bloom, too big for people... SNIPER I've got something - The door explodes. SWATs duck, six sportbikes race out and leap the ramp-like barricades, sending SWATs scattering. Cops scramble to pull their vehicles out to give chase. EXT. GOTHAM STREET - CONTINUOUS The bikes weave through traffic, Traders strapped to the back, facing backwards - screaming, ties flying in the wind. A cruiser falls in behind. ROOKIE COP Shoot the tires! A Veteran Cop sights a shot, but the Traders are in the way. VETERAN COP No shot! EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS Foley is barking into his radio. FOLEY Back off, back off! They've got hostages! 53. INT./EXT. CRUISER ON GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS The cruiser follows the bike into a large tunnel. A Rookie Cop looks up into his rear-view. ROOKIE COP What's going on with the lights? The Veteran Cop looks back - streetlights and headlights are dying one after another. The darkness is chasing them - the darkness hits them. Their lights, sirens, and engine die... And, out of the silence, a dark shape roars past - VETERAN COP It can't be... ROOKIE COP The hell was that?! VETERAN COP Oh boy. You're in for a show tonight, son. EXT. HIGHWAY - CONTINUOUS Food Guy drives the rear bike. He looks back - sees streetlights explode behind him - darkness catching him up. The engine chokes and dies.

foregoing

How many times the word 'foregoing' appears in the text?