Product: Mortgage

There are a few incidents that occured with the VA loan I have through Bank of America : The first incident happened in XX/XX/XXXX. The escrow on my house payment increased from roughly {$1200.00} to {$1300.00}. Bank of America states that they mailed a letter to the address on file, warning me of this increase. However, I never received a letter. At that time, I was going through a separation. My ex-husband 's attorney had his address changed with BOA. Therefore, those letters were forwarded to him, which he never received, because he was in XXXX, serving his country. XX/XX/XXXX comes and goes, and per usual, my automatic payment drafted {$1200.00} from my account. Same with XX/XX/XXXX. By the end of that month, I got an email from my ex that our account was delinquent. I called BOA and found out that the escrow increased, and since my payment was over {$50.00} shy of the full payment, it was not counted as such. How'd they fix it? They took part of my XX/XX/XXXX payment and put it towards XX/XX/XXXX, which now made my XX/XX/XXXX payment over {$100.00} short. A {$50.00} late fee was added to each month. Once I called and paid my account in full, and then explained that my father passed away that month, I was, at least, able to get the late fees removed. However, they said they were unable to fix my ex-husband 's and my credit score. My ex has a top-secret security clearance that was almost stripped from him, because of this. Not knowing what else to do, I had to let it go. 

After all of that, I have a few questions ... 
1 ) Why weren't the letters sent to the parcel address?

2 ) Why-in-the-world was my ex-husband 's attorney allowed to access MY mortgage account? She wanted notification if I fell behind on payments, and they granted it to her. My ex isn't able to make any changes, yet his attorney can? He can't make changes, because someone at BOA entered his Social Security Number incorrectly. They won't let either of us fix it, because we can't tell them which number is wrong. 
3 ) If his SSN is wrong on the account, how was his credit affected? 

Then, a big THEN, on XX/XX/XXXX, my automatic payment of {$1300.00}, titled " XX/XX/XXXX Paid To - Bac Home Loans Online Pmt Chk XXXX '' was cleared. A few days later, I received an email from Bank of America stating that I missed my last payment and am now deemed delinquent on my account. I thought " No WAY ''! I searched through my bank account and confirmed that my payment had been made to BOA, and on time. However, I did notice a new transaction -- a DEPOSIT, reading " XX/XX/XXXX Deposit - ACH Paid From Bank Of America Pmt Refund XXXX ''. A {$1300.00} deposit to be exact. I called Bank of America, and they told me that it must have been an issue with my bank, because they wouldn't refund a mortgage payment. They told me that I must not have had the proper funds, therefore, my bank didn't send payment. I said, " absolutely NOT ''! 1 ) I have a {$2000.00} over-draft protection plan, and 2 ) it said BOA REFUND! They told me the only thing I could do is make a new payment. So, I did. On XX/XX/XXXX, I submitted my mortgage for the SECOND time that month. They still charged me a late fee, and said there was nothing they could do to fix my credit score now, because I had no proof that it was refunded. I have proof. I told them I could provide them my bank statements. They didn't care. 

My credit score used to sit comfortably in the 800s ... after that, it plummeted to the 500s!! I am attempting to refinance my house, as part of my divorce. However, with this on my credit, I won't be able to afford it, let alone be offered a loan with a new bank. Also, did I mention, my final divorce decree states that if I am late, THREE times, on a mortgage, them my ex can take the house from me. Due to these incidents, I have already reached the MAX. Please, help me fix this! If BOA had chosen to help, this could have easily been remedied in house. However, they have continuously told me there is nothing they can do to correct their mistakes.