Input: This passage provides advice and information on how to perform oral sex on a man, including tips on appearance, odors and flavors, erections, and early ejaculation. It also discusses the role of fantasy in sex and the importance of safety and communication during oral sex. To generate this passage, a prompt could be: "Write a guide on how to perform oral sex on a man. Include tips on appearance, odors and flavors, erections, and early ejaculation. Also discuss the role of fantasy in sex and the importance of safety and communication during oral sex."

Response:
CHAPTER 3

For Him

I'm going to start this chapter, the chapter for the man who will, I hope, soon be receiving fellatio, with a broad, sweeping statement: you guys are expected to know everything. Everything, especially about sex. In our culture, men are expected to take the lead, know what to do, know how everything works, and have all the answers in bed—not to ask questions. Not to be filled with wonder at the mysteries of the human body and pleasure. And definitely not to explore the far reaches of your desire or push the boundaries of conventional male sexuality. The worst part is that there's a serious lack of ways for men to find answers, unless you know where to look. It's hard for men to even ask the questions, something that you'll eventually need to give yourself permission to do, and feel okay about. I look at how men are stereotyped, layered with expectations, and given few options, and I think that you got a raw deal. The deck is stacked against you.

Male sexuality is grossly oversimplified and stereotyped everywhere you turn. Movies, advertising, and other forms of popular culture reinforce the narrow sex box you're supposed to fit in, and most sex guides are no better. You're either one way or the other: you know all the answers and everything's okay, or you don't. You're either gay or straight, with no fuzzy lines anywhere in between. That's how we have come to see male sexuality, and if a man isn't sure about sex or wants to find out more, or maybe wants to try a sex act or idea that's outside the box, he gets labeled. The guidebooks, and practically everything else relating to men and sex, seem to be convinced that all guys want to do is "insert, thrust, repeat," and they think that to speak to men about sex they need to either use pithy, punchy sports euphemisms or employ an overly academic tone. How insulting it all is.

Sexuality is a spectrum of expression for everyone. There will always be new desires to explore and new things to investigate, try, reject, try again…

Fellatio as a sex act is deceptively simple. Just stick your dick into your partner's waiting mouth—and bam! Right? Well, not quite. There's plenty to learn about being a great receptive fellatio partner. You'll be surprised—and aroused—as you find out the many ways that you can receive pleasure through oral stimulation. So, roll up your sleeves, and dig in.

A Prelude to a Kiss

It all begins with desire. Arousal, lust, need, passion, and the specific desire to feel your partner's mouth envelop your penis and lick your testicles, scrotum, and anus. Or perhaps it's your partner's desire that's doing the talking. At some point in the erotic dance you share with your partner, you'll know that soon you will be on the receiving end of oral sex.

As they say, it takes two to tango, and you and your lover are two equal halves of the fellatio experience. When you're with a new partner experimenting with new sexual expressions (such as adding fellatio to your routine), paying attention to what's going on for both of you is crucial.

> > > The first time I got head, I was utterly terrified after the first 60 seconds—not because I thought I was doing something wrong, but because it didn't feel good. I mean, it felt OK, but it wasn't the mind-blowing experience I had been led to believe it would be. As a matter of fact, I was pretty bored. I just lay there while my girlfriend went up and down methodically on my dick...and I started to lose my hard-on long before I was anywhere close to coming. I felt horrible—as if I was doing something wrong. It took me a long time to figure out that getting head is an active process—you have to stay involved with your partner, your fantasy, your erotic connection, or you just become a passive bump on a log, and that's not sexy at all.

I'm not just talking about physical safety for you and your partner, but the emotional temperature of both participants. If you're both comfortable with fellatio, have clearly agreed to proceed, and are both fine with the sometimes fuzzy boundaries of control between giver and receiver in the fellatio exchange, then you're in great shape. But if it's your first time receiving oral sex or your partner's first time performing it, if you feel unsure or anxious about something, or if your partner is reluctant for any reason, you'll need to find out everything you can about your own physical situation, and what's going on with your partner, before you get started.

First times have that funny catch-22 of being simultaneously scary and unforgettable. With a partner who is giving fellatio for the first time, you'll want to be more supportive than you would have ever thought necessary—patience, words of encouragement, slow pacing, and the willingness to stop at any time will help ensure a first time you'll want to remember. If oral sex is something you've requested but your partner is reluctant, be aware of the pressure they may be feeling; explore their concerns in conversation, and hand them a chapter of this book to read when they need concrete answers about anything pertaining to fellatio. And understand that some people may never feel completely comfortable with fellatio, for whatever reasons, and that they will need to experience their feelings at their own pace.

> > > If your partner wants to perform oral sex with you, and you feel there's something bad about sex or your genitals, please tell them so they don't feel hurt by your rejection of their desires. Or if you're shy, try handing them a chapter of this book.

Perhaps you're the one stressing—about receiving oral sex. Anxiety can be no laughing matter when you're about to have a lover touch, look at, and taste your genitals. Get to the bottom of your stress by finding out what's interfering with your willingness or ability to receive pleasure. Are you unsure about the notion that your partner wants to put their face between your legs, let alone put your penis in their mouth? Take my word on it—our collective discomfort with our genitals is not limited by gender. Everyone worries about appearance, comparisons, and performance. Whether you're a newcomer or an experienced recipient of oral pleasure, you might be concerned about how you look, how you respond to the sensations, or what your partner might think about you. So get comfortable, and read on.

How Do I Look?

One absolute fact about the way men's genitals look is that every single set is different. No two penises are alike, nor do they get hard in the same way. However, the standard operating equipment is more or less the same: a penis (circumcised or not), a scrotal sack containing two testicles, and pubic hair that generally covers the mound over the pubic bone, the very base of the penis, the testicles, and the perineum (from the base of the balls to the anus). The skin on the pubic mound, the perineum, and the anus is similar in texture to the skin on the rest of the body, but usually a different shade. It deepens and changes in color as it reaches the base of the penis and the scrotum, and colors can range anywhere from light pink or peach to a tawny brown or dark chocolate. The texture is soft, and the skin is thin. If you think you may have a problem with your penis, you spot unusual bumps or lesions, there's a discharge from your urethra, you experience pain during or after sex, or your penis bends sharply upon erection, you should consult a doctor.

Penises come in a variety of shape and size combinations too vast to catalog, and there's no predicting what a soft penis will look like when erect. Long and thin, short and squat, curved up, down, left, right—it's all normal. The variations make a man average. And average size? Average depends on whose statistics you're looking at. A 1993 University of Toronto study of 63 men measured unerect penises along rulers placed at the base, and stretched them to get a range of 2 ⅜ inches to 5 ¼ inches, with 3 ¾ inches being the average. But soft means little when talking about average erect size. Almost forty years ago, Masters and Johnson found that smaller unerect penises grew more than the larger softies—showing that soft penises are no barometer for size. The truth about penis size is that there's a lot of erection variation out there. But don't forget—your cock is as big as your brain, meaning that the real measure is the size of the pleasure you give (and receive).

Illustration 4. How Do I Look?

If you want to compare how you look to men in porn movies, guys in Playgirl, or gay male mags, you certainly can—but it won't give you an idea about what's really out there, and more important, what your partners are seeing. Are you worried about how you look? Do you think that your penis, testicles, anus, or pubic area are too hairy, or not enough? They don't look like the ones in porn? The cocks you see in magazines are airbrushed (often heavily) and lit, angled, covered in makeup, shaved, and positioned just so. In porn movies, makeup and shaving is standard, and as with the magazines, it's only the guys who are larger than average that make the grade. You won't see any regular penises in porn, period. And seldom any soft ones, for that matter.

The huge market for penis enlargement gadgets, injections, operations, and pills neatly serves to reinforce your insecurities and sexual shame. It's a business like any other, though it's a kissing cousin to the diet industry and the breast augmentation industry—sleazy, and offering impossibly quick fixes to get you to "fit in" to unrealistic, invented, and often impossible standards. Penis enlargement is a bad idea. Vacuum pumps work only temporarily and can cause lasting damage if used improperly; also, the erections they provide are big but soft. No pill will make your dick bigger. And remember that any surgery you have on your urogenital system will cut through nerves, fibers, and erectile tissue—things you need in order to enjoy sex. Plus, silicone implants often need to be replaced, can become infected, and look lumpy. Liposuctioned fat eventually melts back into your body. Why put yourself through any of it when you could be enjoying a blow job instead?

Do Vegetarians Taste Better?

For men who worry about odors and flavors their partners may encounter, rest assured that your genitals smell and taste exactly like you—your skin, actually. The obvious answer to any cleanliness dilemma is to shower daily, and for men who have a foreskin, to be sure to clean under the hood—any buildup will lend a funky odor. If you're wanting to impress your partner by emitting less odor, you can shower shortly before your encounter. If your partner is anxious about your flavor, showering together before fellatio can allay fears—they may even want to participate in getting you "squeaky clean" or might enjoy beginning oral sex in the tub.

If you plan to ejaculate in your partner's mouth, you might wonder if you taste okay. An obvious answer to this question is to taste it yourself first—for some, no big deal, but for others, this is something they'd rather skip. Whatever you decide, there are a few things you can do to make sure your come tastes and smells neutral. Things that can make the flavor of your semen strong or pungent are vitamins, asparagus, beets, coffee, cigarettes, and garlic. Strong substances like these can influence your ejaculate in much the same way they do your urine. To keep it smelling and tasting neutral, avoid these substances at least twenty-four hours before oral sex, and drink plenty of water. Carnivorous men tend to have stronger-tasting semen than those who stick to vegetarian diets, though whether this is unpleasant to the person doing the tasting is debatable.

Sweetening your come is a whole different matter. Conventional wisdom on this subject (if there is such a thing) states that if you want to make your ejaculate more palatable you should drink lots of citrus, pineapple, or celery juice, and eat a lot of sweet melon. However, the jury seems to be out on the results, and it will probably be around eight hundred years before someone does a real study on the effects of cantaloupe on the taste of come.

There are a few products on the market that claim to enhance the bouquet and zest of semen, most notably Seminex and Cum-So-Sweet. Both products claim not only to make it sweeter but also to impart it with a citrus flavor that "women will love." Seminex is a powder that comes in packets; you mix it with water and drink before you go to bed for two to three days before you want to be tasty. Cum-So-Sweet is a sublingual tablet (it dissolves under the tongue) that both partners use just before oral sex to change the taste of whatever fluid ends up in your mouth—sadly (and mistakenly), it's assumed by the manufacturers that pussy is also an undesirable taste and that both partners are heterosexual. No products that make these claims have passed any sort of clinical or safety trials, so buyer beware, and read the ingredients of any product that makes these claims before you ingest it.

Erection Questions

Contrary to popular conceptions, men's erections and orgasms don't erupt like Old Faithful. Nothing in the male or female pleasure cycle is entirely predictable, and that goes for arousal, orgasm, ejaculation, the timing involved for any of it, and especially erection. Erections work on two levels simultaneously. One is the physical: touching your genitals or an erogenous zone, or having them touched, triggers a response along nerve pathways to begin the flow of blood into your penis. The other level is the path that leads directly from your brain: an image, fantasy, idea, or mental or visual stimulus triggers the same nerve response, filling your penis with blood and growing it into an erection. The stiffest cocks and the hottest sex come when both pathways are stimulated at the same time.

The perplexing thing about erections is that they sometimes like to come and go as they please. They arrive at the party uninvited or leave when everyone's having fun. During sex they'll stiffen and soften as your pleasure cycle dips and peaks along its normal course. This swelling and shrinking may not be noticeable, or it may gradually become more noticeable with age, anxiety, stress, or medication. Sometimes these issues make erections unreliable altogether.

The best course of action when you're concerned that you won't be able to achieve or sustain an erection is a piece of frustrating, though accurate, advice: relax. Stressing out about having a hard-on creates inner tension and turmoil, making it almost impossible to access the neural pathway whereby the brain engages the cock—sometimes physical stimulation can conquer the inner demons, but not always. Anxiety, anger, and guilt kill erections, period. However, if you are experiencing pain or numbing, or if you are taking medication that may effect erections or are having other health problems, talk to your doctor about what's going on. Just keep in mind that your doctor will first tell you that men with healthy erections have low-fat diets, get plenty of exercise, maintain a healthy weight, and don't smoke.

Possible Causes of Erection Difficulties

Every man is likely to have trouble achieving or maintaining an erection at some point in his life. According to the National Institutes of Health, between ten and thirty million American men have consistent trouble. Causes may include the following:

DRUGS OR MEDICATION

> > • Anti-anxiety meds, such as BuSpar, Valium, and Xanax

> > • Antidepressants, including Prozac and Zoloft

> > • Antifungal meds, such as Flagyl, Diflucan, and Nizoral

> > • High blood pressure meds, including Inderal and Lopressor

> > • Party drugs such as crystal meth (speed), cocaine, alcohol, ecstasy, and pot

> > • Drugs for substance abuse, such as Anabuse and methadone

> > • Ulcer meds, such as Tagamet

HEALTH CONDITIONS AND OTHER CAUSES

> > • Arteriosclerosis

> > • Diabetes

> > • High cholesterol/high blood pressure

> > • Low testosterone from age or HIV

> > • Neurological issues, possibly from an accident, surgery, MS, or Parkinson's disease

> > • Prostate problems

> > • Smoking

> > • Stress and depression

To have better, stronger, and more dependable erections, have more of them. Your penis is comprised of more than 50 percent muscle—smooth muscles, not the kind you can bulk up. In order to be healthy and function properly, this muscle tissue needs oxygen, which it gets in the form of blood that flows in when you're aroused. The best way to keep the tissue oxygenated is to include regular sexual stimulation in your daily life, such as masturbation or sex with a partner.

And while we're working on your new sexual exercise routine, don't forget to do your Kegels. Dr. Arnold Kegel was a gynecologist who taught women to strengthen their pubococcygeal (PC) muscles, initially to help with incontinence. The side effect turned out to be more (and stronger) orgasms for the women who practiced the exercises regularly. Men have the same muscles lining the pelvic floor, and when they do their Kegels, their orgasms become more powerful and last longer; some men also report a faster recovery time between erections.

To find your Kegel muscles, stop the flow of urine midstream. These are the muscles you want to flex. Do Kegels anywhere, anytime you feel comfortable. A daily routine is recommended: start by contracting the muscles for a count of three, five to ten times. Then do a series of rapid squeezes in sets of fifteen. As time goes by, you can increase your reps, and experiment with holding your contractions for longer periods of time.

Coming Too Soon

Early ejaculation is often considered the curse of young men, or men who are new to having sexual experiences. It's frustrating when it happens, even more so when you are no longer young or new to sex. In truth, it's a common thing that happens to most men, and it happens to all men at some point in their lifetime.

If you're young or new to sex, then you can rest assured that control will soon be yours with a little time and experience. If early ejaculation stems from hypersensitivity, you can use a condom or even two, and experiment with frequent masturbation to decrease your penis's sensitivity. But if you just plain keep coming before you're ready, and you've checked in with your partner and they have expressed the desire for you to last longer, you have a couple of options.

Try using the squeeze technique. This is done by placing a hand at the tip of your penis so that the thumb is on the underside, pressing on the frenulum (brush up on your anatomy in chapter 2, "The Anatomy of a Man's Pleasure"), with the fingertips placed on either side of the coronal ridge. When you feel yourself getting close to orgasm, squeeze for three or four seconds, then release. This will make your erection subside a little, and you should wait about thirty seconds before continuing with sexual stimulation. The squeeze technique can be used three or four times during your encounter, and as a delicious side effect, it will make your orgasm very powerful. Some men prefer squeezing at the base of their penis, or instead of squeezing, pulling their balls down—experiment on your own during masturbation to see what works best. Then try it with your partner; some men enjoy having their partner do the squeezing.

An alternative solution is the stop-start technique. At the same point that you would employ the squeeze technique, stop the stimulation altogether until the feeling of impending orgasm subsides. Practice this once a day, and see how long you can make the waiting period last. The more you practice, the more control you'll have over your orgasms.

> > > I was very close to coming, but every time I was just about to explode, she would momentarily stop her oral actions and squeeze me firmly at the base with her fingers. Over the next few minutes she performed this maneuver three more times, and I was going crazy, on the verge of coming but not. It felt sooo good.

Masturbation and Fantasy

You might have noticed that I'm enthusiastic about masturbation. Masturbation is the cornerstone of our sexuality—it's where we build our fantasies and learn how we like to be touched. Masturbation is a source of release on many levels. Unfortunately, our culture has a restrictive view of it and tends to shroud masturbation in a cloak of shame or failure—but that is changing with the times. Still, some guys might see jacking off as a negative thing: a self-defeating substitute for partnered sex, a secret shame, an admission of guilt. These ideas are damaging, and if you are coping with these feelings when you want to masturbate, consider what effect these self-deprecating thoughts may have on your emotions, and your emotional future.

It can be difficult to release guilt if your sexual fantasies are making you uncomfortable. An erotic fantasy is a thought, idea, image, or scenario that is sexually interesting to you. It doesn't have to turn you on; or it may turn you on a little, or a lot. If you think you don't fantasize, think again. Fantasies can emerge from your erotic imagination in different forms; they can be detailed or fragmented. We may see famous people that are attractive and imagine that our lives overlap. We revisit memories of times we have enjoyed, and they make us feel good in the present. Often, we envision scenarios that have never happened and some that aren't even possible. Sometimes we tell others what we have done, making a fantasy for them—or us—come true. Whatever shape your fantasies take, looking at them can open doors to understanding what arouses you and allow you to tap into new channels of erotic expression—channels that work for you.

For some people, fantasies aren't an area they care to explore. Because they come from our imagination, and therefore are connected with our subconscious, fantasies can be startling, unpredictable, and sometimes even shocking. When we become aroused it's easy to surrender ourselves to whatever movie we're running in our heads, and push it in the direction that gets us closer to orgasm—but sometimes afterward, we might realize that what got us off was beyond what we deem acceptable in our daily lives. It's easy to feel guilty after a fantasy has gone somewhere we find unpleasant or offensive. Admitting this guilt can make us feel shame about sex, our desires, or even who we are. Especially if the fantasy was powerful and included something that we would never do in real life, like degrade ourselves or betray a loved one. When fantasies move toward the arenas of everyday life (as they are bound to do), they can manifest in ways that make us uncomfortable.

Sometimes it's not the content of the fantasies that can trigger guilt, but the time and place they occur. They can happen at inconvenient times, such as at work or on the bus, placing you in a sexually charged situation in your head while the world goes on around you—this may feel inappropriate or "dirty." Or they can happen during sex with a partner; while the partner is fully present (yet unaware), you are imagining things to get yourself off from the stimulation that they provide. The illusion is created that somehow you've betrayed them. It's important to understand the role of fantasy in sex before beating yourself up about what, how, with whom, or when you fantasize.

We all know that fantasy is not reality. But when we masturbate and imagine troubling things, people, or situations, our human curiosity kicks in and we ask ourselves if these things are what we really want. For some people this is a horrifying thought. It's important to keep in mind that fantasies don't necessarily bear any relationship to reality. The realm of fantasy is the sanctuary in your mind where you are free to enjoy things that you would never do in real life. And fantasy is not only a place where we can court the forbidden but also a powerful sex toy that can be used for arousal, heightening pleasure, and achieving climax.

Think about your fantasies for a moment, whether they are vivid, vague, seemingly mundane, or a little scary. Don't try to look deeply into their meanings, just pick out their main themes. What you're doing is isolating what it is that makes them a peak erotic experience for you and mining them for their erotic potential. Keep your mind open, and reserve judgment on yourself—this isn't about "good" and "bad," it's about understanding what turns you on. Note what stands out, and the important differences between what is possible in fantasy and what is possible in reality.

Now you're getting an idea of your main fantasy components. Think about what your favorite themes are, or try on new ideas that appeal to you. Feel comfortable with tapping into what these fantasies trigger when you want to become aroused. Remember that if you fantasize about something shocking, like being forced to perform sex, it doesn't mean that you want it to happen or that you are a bad person. But by identifying it in the realm of your fantasies, you can find a safe space where imagination fuels desire. By learning how to turn yourself on with fantasy, you can do extraordinary things, such as making yourself really aroused and teaching yourself a new masturbation technique (for instance, delaying orgasm). Or you can fantasize while your partner goes down on you, and learn to orgasm with the combination of their stimulation and your fantasy. Or if you have established trust and good sexual communication with a partner, you can share your fantasies—you can even make some of them come true.

Use your fantasies freely when you masturbate, and use masturbation as a tool to learn about, explore, and enhance your own sexuality. As former U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders, M.D., said about masturbation, "It's practicing for sex." Here are some suggestions for masturbation:

> > • Learn your own topography. Read about your anatomy in chapter 2, "The Anatomy of a Man's Pleasure."

> > • Set aside some time for yourself when you have no obligations and some privacy. Treat yourself to something nice and sensual, like a relaxing shower or bath, a new lubricant, or an adult magazine or movie.

> > • Try masturbating in different positions. You can sit in a chair, lie on your belly or back, or visit different rooms in your house.

> > • Get familiar with your own touch, running your hands all over your torso, thighs, ass, and genitals. Make yourself acquainted with your cock and balls by touching them, and look at them in a mirror if you can (and if you're comfortable with this).

> > • Using lubricant, caress your genitals with your hands, spending time to linger in the spots that feel good. Familiarize yourself with the different skin textures and colors, and take note of your favorite spots. Circle the head with the palm of your hand, massage it making a fist, or even pinch it gently with your fingers

> > • Guys use vibrators, too. If you want to use a vibrator, set it on its lowest speed and run it over your thighs, on your pubic mound, and at the base of your penis. Experiment with touching your perineum, scrotum, and penis with the vibrator. Get yourself in the mood with indirect stimulation, then move the vibe where it feels best. Trust yourself.

> > • If you'd like to learn a different technique for masturbation or orgasm, get yourself aroused—really aroused—with your regular technique and slowly begin to introduce the new behavior. It may not catch on the first few times, but it will as you continue to incorporate it into your pleasure cycle.

> > • Remember to breathe! Some men tend to hold their breath as they reach orgasm, but guys who use Tantric practices say that their orgasms are more intense when they use deep breathing techniques as they masturbate. As you touch yourself, inhale deeply into your belly and imagine the breath going all the way down into your pelvis, then back out.

> > • Tease yourself. When something feels really good—as in, imminent-orgasm good—back off and touch yourself somewhere else, such as your nipples. This prolongs your pleasure and can make your orgasm really intense.

> > • Don't be afraid to bring your techniques into your partnered encounters. It may seem a little scary at first, but most lovers will want to know what you like and will find it really exciting if you show them. Masturbating during oral sex can make for some mind-blowing encounters.

Head Etiquette

> > > I hate it when guys are silent while I'm blowing them. I want to hear dirty talk! I don't want him to be passive.

Fellatio is really hot when both partners are actively involved. Sure, it's nice to lie back, enjoy, and relax, but there are a few things you can—and should—do to make your lover feel included and appreciated, and to help allay any fears a reluctant partner might have. Consider for a moment what your partner is encountering when they go down on you. They're going to be up close to your genitals and in a position that may feel vulnerable or even physically uncomfortable. They will be taking in a whole lot of sensory information, such as sights, sounds and—oh yes—smells, in addition to wanting to accommodate your needs, while staying comfortable in what can sometimes be cramp-inducing positions.

Before you begin, if you have the slightest inkling that you may be about to have an oral escapade, take a minute to visually inspect your genitals, and run your hands, a hairbrush, or a comb through your pubic hair to remove any strays. Taking a shower before may not be possible (unless that's part of your evening's erotic agenda), but for squeamish partners a shower or bath might be a prerequisite. If you know you really need a shower, gently let your partner know, and they'll likely be thrilled that you care about their comfort and desire enough to be aware of their experience.

Whether to spit or swallow semen is an issue that goes through the mind of everyone who goes down on a man. Some don't mind it and feel quite neutral about the topic; others enjoy the taste of a man and love to swallow. In equal measure there are people who find the concept distasteful, and for a variety of reasons: the taste, the texture, their comfort level with fellatio, their comfort with a particular person, or simply their comfort around bodily fluids in general. For some it is an act of devotion, while others don't think twice about it. It is extremely good etiquette to find out how your partner feels about you ejaculating in their mouth. If your sweetie is unsure about swallowing, let them know that you will tap their shoulder (or establish some other signal) when you are close to orgasm, so they may decide what they want to do when you ejaculate.

Fellatio as a sex act has a power dynamic implied, whether you intend it to or not. Many people see the person giving head as submissive, and the person getting head as the powerful one, the one in control. This perception comes from a number of different sources; gender stereotypes, the pure physical interpretation of the act, media portrayal of fellatio, and the fact that it is a sex act that can be forced on an unwilling partner. In established relationships (or carefully negotiated ones), there is a level of trust and communication that addresses this issue—but for a significant number of people, the power implications involved in fellatio are always present in the back of their mind. Some people feel downright uncomfortable about the surrender they feel is implicit in giving head, and they can have such powerful feelings about it that they might not want to do it at all. These feelings are especially sharp for abuse survivors.

Unless you have clearly negotiated a power-exchange dynamic, be patient and let your partner go at their own pace. Thrusting into their mouth, or grabbing their hair or the sides of their head, will freak out anyone who already feels uncomfortable about fellatio. Sometimes the feeling of being forced—even a little—can trigger strong negative emotions. You may discover that your partner enjoys this, but you must find out explicitly beforehand.

Be fully present and aware of your partner's reactions. If they gag, back off and let them take the lead. Muscle fatigue may make their tongue and mouth sore—actions of the tongue and neck require a lot of energy. It might seem frustrating to have them switch to using their hands when you are close to coming, but it's a natural part of the sex play cycle, and a momentary switch in activities or a change in position will make your orgasm all the sweeter.

Staying Safe and Getting Off

Some people think that receiving oral sex is a passive act—you just sit back and enjoy the pleasure—but it's really not. Sure, you could lie back, close your eyes, and transport yourself to a fantasy realm (nothing wrong with that), but even when you're "checked out," you still are participating as one half of a two-person sex act. It's important to keep this in mind and to have already thought about a couple of things before you engage in fellatio.

Begin by concerning yourself with safety—the safety of both yourself and your partner from sexually transmitted infections and viruses, in addition to the emotional safety of both people involved. Though in chapter 4, "Know the Hard Facts: Health Considerations," I go into detail about safer sex during fellatio, you should know that fellatio, when performed to ejaculation, is considered an activity that puts both parties at moderate risk. Fellatio without ejaculation is in the low-risk category, though it's possible that you could pick up a virus if your partner has cuts or sores in their mouth.

One way to approach safer sex is to think about it as a process of trying your best to make informed choices about sex. Just as with any potentially risky act—a risky move on the freeway, giving your phone number to someone you just met—making an informed decision about sex acts requires that we know the risks we are taking when we choose to do these things.

The fact of the matter is that if you are unprotected, you are at risk for sexually transmitted diseases. If your partner has mouth sores or tiny cuts from having recently brushed or flossed their teeth, then the risk is increased—for both of you. If your partner has a viral STD such as herpes, or HPV, you can be infected by receiving a blow job without a condom. (There is a small chance you could be infected with hepatitis C this way, too.) And if you have an STD, such as HPV, hepatitis C, or HIV, you can infect your partner through unprotected fellatio. It is essential to use protection—latex or nonlatex condoms—if either of you has a viral STD. But be sure that you don't use animal-skin condoms, such as lambskin, for safer-sex protection of any kind; they won't keep you safe.

Similarly, bacterial STDs, such as chlamydia and syphilis, can be transmitted through unprotected fellatio. Both the person giving fellatio and the person receiving are at risk, though the risk level is very low. If one of you has a bacterial infection, such as chlamydia, it's a good idea to use barriers until you've completed treatment.

Some STDs can remain dormant for as long as a few years, so it's possible to give someone something you didn't even know you had. Add to all this the fact that conventional medical wisdom on safer sex and transmission of viruses and bacteria is subject to change, and can change often. Whenever in doubt, check with your doctor and keep abreast of new information by keeping up with the Centers for Disease Control, who conveniently have an STD section on their Web site, updated whenever there is new information (see chapter 13, "Resources," for contact information).


Input: This passage discusses the health considerations and risks associated with fellatio, including information on sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) such as HIV, hepatitis, herpes, HPV, and bacterial STDs. It also provides advice on safer sex practices, such as using barriers like condoms and dental dams, and discusses the use of gloves and finger cots. To generate this passage, a prompt could be: "Write a guide on the health considerations and risks associated with fellatio. Include information on sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) such as HIV, hepatitis, herpes, HPV, and bacterial STDs. Provide advice on safer sex practices, such as using barriers like condoms and dental dams, and discuss the use of gloves and finger cots."

Response:
CHAPTER 4

Know the Hard Facts: Health Considerations

The human body is a complex container for water, salt, sinews, bones, brains, feelings, dreams. The many things we can do with it are astounding: making buildings, babies, ideas, orgasms. The body itself is a fortress against intruders; white blood cells, helpful bacteria, and acids—nature's polymorphous armies—can combat the common cold, keeping our delicate system in balance. And yet, when compromised, our own helpful tools can be turned against us and we suddenly become the perfect host to bugs, germs, diseases, and infections. In the realm of sex, becoming a good host means anything from engaging in unprotected sex to weakening yourself with illness and uninformed lube and toy practices, all the way to being a careless (or unknowing) carrier of unfriendly bugs.

Is Fellatio Risky?

When it comes to unprotected fellatio, everyone involved is taking a risk of some kind. Unprotected fellatio carries a lower risk for the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) than unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse (with a penis or a just-shared, unprotected sex toy), or unprotected cunnilingus (unless she ejaculates in your mouth), but there is risk involved—for both the giving and the receiving partner. When a guy gets a blow job without a condom from a stranger, he's in the low-risk category for HIV and hepatitis B and C; but he's at high risk for herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, and HPV (human papillomavirus, or genital warts). If you go down on a man and you don't know whether he is infected, you put yourself at risk for hepatitis B, herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, and HPV—and if you have a cut, bite, sore, or abrasion in your mouth, you are also at risk for HIV and hepatitis C. Unprotected rimming (oral-anal sex) puts you at risk for all of the above, along with hepatitis A. Brushing or flossing your teeth or going to the dentist before a round of oral sex will put you at significant risk; these activities produce tiny cuts on the gums.

Risk Awareness

Please note that the best way to avoid transmission of most viruses and STDs is to use a latex or nonlatex (but non-animal-skin) barrier for all activities involving fluid transmission.

The following tables show at a glance the risks that accompany fellatio and other sexual activities; for more details on the risks for specific STDs, see the section that follows.

Is Rimming Risky?

Rimming, or analingus, refers to caressing or penetrating your lover's anal opening with your tongue. Because the delicate pucker of the anus is rife with sensitive nerve endings, rimming feels incredibly pleasurable to many people, and just as many people enjoy giving it as getting it. For both givers and receivers, rimming sets the night on fire.

Though rimming is certainly enjoyable, it isn't a very safe activity. Unprotected rimming can transmit hepatitis A, anal herpes, anal warts, and possibly viruses such as HIV. Always use a barrier for rimming—but if you insist on barrier-free rimming, get a hepatitis A shot. Read about erotic rimming techniques in chapter 10, "More Techniques."

STDs and Fellatio

Some STDs are easier to transmit than others. Let's look at the most common STDs and their relative risks for transmission during fellatio.

HIV

HIV is transmitted when the blood of an infected person enters another person's bloodstream via an open cut, sore, or blood vessel. According to the Centers for Disease Control, HIV has also been found in varying amounts in semen, vaginal fluid, breast milk, and pre-come. The CDC cautions against allowing the blood of an infected person to make contact with mucous membranes. If you perform unprotected fellatio, you may be at risk, especially if you have a cut or sore on your lips or in your mouth (perhaps from recently brushing or flossing your teeth). While great strides have been made in managing HIV infection, there is no cure for HIV. The virus can lie dormant in the body for a very long time and can be transmitted even when there are no symptoms present. The person infected with HIV may not even know they have it.

> > Fellatio (Giving)

> > > > Fellatio (Getting)

> > > > Rimming (Getting)

> > > > Rimming (Giving)

> > > > Sharing Sex Toys

> > > > Deep Kissing

> > > > Dry Kissing

> > Hepatitis

Hepatitis A, B, and C infect millions of people worldwide and can be asymptomatic for years before liver disease is evident. Hepatitis A is transmitted through oral-fecal contact and can be contracted when rimming an unprotected partner (for more on rimming, see the section above). Hepatitis B is very similar in transmission to HIV: it is found in blood and other body fluids, such as semen, vaginal secretions, breast milk, and tears. You contract hepatitis B when fluids from a carrier, such as pre-come or ejaculatory fluid, enter your body via an opening such as a cut or sore in your mouth. Hepatitis C is found only in the blood of an infected partner. That doesn't mean, however, that you shouldn't treat it like any other serious virus, and if you think your partner might be infected you should follow safer-sex guidelines at all times when performing fellatio. Hepatitis A has no chronic or long-term infection; there is a vaccine to prevent both hepatitis A and B, and they can be can be treated in some cases; there is no cure or vaccine for hepatitis C.

Herpes

Herpes is an extremely contagious STD. There are basically two types of herpes—oral and genital—and what lives in the mouth can easily take up residence in the genitals. Herpes is spread when sores or shedding skin from an infected partner make contact with mucous membranes—penis to mouth and mouth to penis—as well as through skin-to-skin contact, such as hand-to-penis or hand-to-anus contact. That's why you should use gloves with your condoms—fellatio is almost always a hands-on activity, and you'll definitely want to touch your partner's penis, balls, and/or anus while going down on him. While it's true that the herpes virus is benign when not active, the CDC states that it's possible to contract herpes between eruptions, when the skin is shedding (before an outbreak). An outbreak can range from a collection of blistering, painful sores to one small sore that can be unknowingly tucked in a fold of skin. There is no cure for herpes.

HPV

Human papillomavirus (HPV) is the virus associated with genital warts. However, you can have HPV and never have a genital wart; in fact, most people who have HPV do not know they have it, because it usually causes no symptoms. Approximately ten of the thirty identified strains of HPV can lead to the development of cervical cancer in women. HPV is spread much like herpes, through skin-to-skin and mucous membrane contact when the virus is apparent or simply shedding. It should be considered highly contagious, and you are at much higher risk for contracting HPV through fellatio than you are for contracting HIV or hepatitis. The symptoms of HPV can take several weeks or even months to appear, if they appear at all. They can be small, painless bumps or look like a collection of cauliflower-like constellations, appearing on the penis, scrotum, thighs, mouth, anus, or vagina. Again, gloves and condoms are advised, but if you see symptoms you'll want to avoid sexual contact until the outbreak has cleared up, since HPV is spread by touch and can appear in areas condoms don't cover. There is no cure for HPV.

Bacterial STDs

Gonorrhea, chlamydia, and syphilis are bacterial STDs that are spread through unprotected sexual contact. You are at much more at risk of contracting gonorrhea or syphilis through fellatio than you are of contracting HIV or hepatitis. Though transmission of chlamydia through fellatio is unlikely, it has been shown to appear in the throat. Unless you and your partner have been tested for chlamydia (which usually has no symptoms or looks like mild gonorrhea or a yeast infection), it's safest to use condoms. Gonorrhea can be spread via unprotected oral contact, as can syphilis if there is a sore (chancre) present on your mouth or his penis. These STDs can be treated with antibiotics, but if left undetected they can become serious.

Safer Sex

Sexually transmitted diseases can remain dormant for months or even years after exposure, so it's possible to pass on something you didn't even know you had. This is why it's essential to use barriers—latex or nonlatex—when coming in contact with a partner's sexual fluids.

If either you or your partner has an STD, safer-sex practices are required to prevent transmission. If one of you has a viral STD, such as hepatitis C, HIV, HPV, or herpes, use latex (or non-latex, such as nitrile or polyurethane, but not animal skin, such as lambskin condoms—see "Condoms" below for more information) barriers during fellatio. It may also be helpful to talk to your physician or an STD prevention specialist (see chapter 13, "Resources," for hotlines and organizations) about the risks for transmission in your particular case.

If one of you has a bacterial infection such as chlamydia, you must use barriers until you've completed treatment. If you have a cut or bite in your mouth, the risk to both partners is greatly increased. Keep this in mind if you've recently brushed or flossed your teeth, both of which can cause tiny cuts and bleeding in your mouth. Don't despair—there are many options out there for the orally inclined apprentice who wants to stay safe.

However, not everyone who comes to the fellatio table needs to use a barrier. Once you and your partner have been tested for all STDs and are sure you are free from infection, you may decide to have sex only with each other. Or you may choose to become fluid bonded, a term that means the parties involved have had updated tests for STDs and infections and have explicitly agreed to have unprotected sex only with each other and use barriers with all other partners.

We all make our own choices about everyday risks, and most of them are informed—we know the risks involved in smoking, walking down a dark street at night alone, or having a one-night stand with a stranger. Life is full of these decisions. With sex, the important thing is to understand that safer sex involves a spectrum of choices and is not an either/or issue. We determine what safer-sex practices we are comfortable with and what our acceptable levels of risk are, and we each make our own set of safer-sex "rules." For instance, some possible rules are "no fellatio from strangers without a condom" or "unprotected oral sex only with my partner." This way, we choose the risks we take. And since we're human and love to make rules and then break them, we can also examine what might cause us to break those rules; perhaps alcohol, drugs, trust issues, love—or fear of judgment.

Risk assessment is the process of honestly assessing your own risky sexual behaviors, such as preferring unprotected fellatio or engaging in unprotected intercourse, and determining how risky they are. It's also assessing the risk level of your potential partners. For instance, if a partner has been recently tested (and they are free from STDs), they can be considered a low-risk partner for unprotected sex, but if you enjoy unprotected oral sex on the first date, then your partners may be high-risk. And having this type of sex with them puts you in the high-risk category, too.

Safer Sex Made Easy: Gear

Safer sex is a term usually associated with using condoms for intercourse or fellatio with a new partner to prevent transmission of STDs or pregnancy. But the applications for the many types of safer-sex gear currently available go much further than making certain types of sex safer. Even if you're in a long-term, monogamous relationship, you'll be surprised at just how useful safer-sex gear is for adding pleasure and spontaneity (yes, spontaneity!) to your oral adventures. Plus, there are some safer-sex items that you will always want to have handy: gloves serve a dual purpose of preventing the spread of certain bacteria and facilitating cleanup in a snap, while a selection of unlubricated condoms can make your insertable sex toys ready to use without a trip to the sink to clean them.

For fellatio or rimming, you can choose among different types of protection to suit your individual style and preferences, or you can tailor them to make a specific encounter sizzle. The thought of a mouthful of latex may seem unappealing to you, or not as intimate as you like, but I encourage you to consider the risks and make an informed decision. When you decide which methods you want to use, set aside some time alone to taste, smell, examine, and handle the items before you put them to use.

Condoms

> > > I've only gone down on five guys, but I have to admit that I never thought once about using a condom.

> > >
>

> > > I love sucking guys off when they have condoms on: I don't have to worry about what to do when they come.

Before you put anything in your mouth, you really should know where it's been first. But when knowing is just not possible, and that thing you want in your mouth is a penis or strap-on, then what you need is a condom.

Condoms prevent many STDs from making you their next home; when used properly, they've been shown to prevent transmission of most viruses and infections. You don't want a hot round of fellatio to become a bittersweet memory of the times before you caught X, Y, or Z—so find some latex or nonlatex condoms that you don't mind tasting while wrapping your lips around your favorite lollipop.

Unlubricated condoms are the best to have around for giving head, mainly because they're not coated with that vile-tasting lube that lubricated condoms are marinated in. Additionally, that prepackaged lube almost always has silicone in it, which not only tastes disgusting but is also hard to get out of your mouth and can ruin some silicone dildos. Skip the lubed brands if you can, and head for the plain. Never use oil-based lubricants, massage oils, Vaseline, or anything that contains oil in conjunction with a condom. When oil touches latex, it breaks the latex down in seconds, destroying your condom, glove, dam or finger cot. Most unlubricated condoms are manufactured for oral sex, and some lubricated ones come in a plethora of fruity flavors, but you can find them unflavored: straight, no chaser. It's also important to note that animal-skin condoms (lambskin) do not prevent the transmission of viruses. Avoid them.

RECOMMENDED CONDOMS FOR FELLATIO, UNLUBRICATED

> > • Durex Clear Unlubricated are as straightforward as it gets. Cream-colored, reservoir tip, average length (7.5 inches), width (2.5 inches), and thickness.

> > • Ria colored condoms are your basic unlubricated condoms, but they come in pretty colors to make your party more festive. Reservoir tip, average length, width, thickness.

> > • Trojan Enz unlubricated are another stalwart friend: simple yet eloquent in cream-colored, reservoir tip, and average everything.

> > • Trojan Non Lube are a special breed, and a favorite for fellatio aficionados. The last of their kind, they have a plain rounded end instead of a reservoir tip that makes transmitting subtle sensations to the head of his penis effortless. Cream-colored; longer than average.

CONDOMS, FLAVORED

> > • Durex Flavored are a jaunty European import and were the first condom to have flavored lubricant FDA approved. Bright colors signal Carmen Miranda's favorite flavors: banana, orange, and strawberry.

> > • Kiss of Mint (Lifestyles) are the most popular condoms for oral sex. Thinner than most condoms, they have an extremely flared shape that makes them wider at the tip—something men really like, because it gives them more sensation. Slightly shorter than most, cream-colored, flavored with a minty powder (unlubricated), reservoir tip.

> > • Trustex Flavored are also FDA approved, and they turn heads by being a bit longer, wider across, and made with thinner latex than average condoms. Colorful and flavorful in strawberry, vanilla, chocolate, grape, banana, and cola. Now, if they could just add bubble gum, in pink…

CONDOMS, NONLATEX

> > • Avanti Polyurethane beat the pants off latex by being twice as thin and strong as a latex condom. Many people without latex sensitivities prefer Avantis for oral sex because they have no taste. Hypoallergenic and available in Super Thin, this is the widest condom available and one of the shortest (flared at the end; snugger at the base). Lubricated, and because it's not latex you don't have to worry about contact with oils.

> > • Trojan Supra are the second polyurethane condom to hit the market. Made of Trojan's Microsheer, they're ultra-thin, really soft in texture, and hypoallergenic, and they have no taste or smell. Like any other superhero, they're also truly invisible. Quite wide and long, but they have a band at the base to make them stay put. The catch? Currently only available lubricated with the skin-irritating (and mouth-numbing) spermicide nonoxynol-9. Bad Trojan!

When using a condom for oral sex, you can apply it to your lover either manually (very sexy) or orally (even sexier). For the hands-on approach, first open and unroll the condom a tiny bit so you can see which way it's unrolling. Take a moment to drip a drop of lube into the very tip of the condom. The slippery surface will transmit more sensation to the head of his cock, helping him to feel every little lick. Pinch the tip, to keep the air out as you place the condom on the tip of his penis. This will make room in the condom for semen when he comes. Firmly wrap your thumb and forefinger around the base of the condom while holding the condom's tip, and unroll. It will take a few strokes to roll it down to the base, but he probably won't mind.

> > > I'll never forget the first time I put a condom on him with my mouth! He thought it was the sexiest thing he'd ever seen, and the blow job was his favorite.

Oral application takes a little practice, but it's worth it. Place a little lube on your lips (or lick them), and suck the reservoir tip into the opening of your mouth, so the roll of the condom makes a ring around the outside of your lips. Make sure you have the inside of the condom facing out, so it will roll down over the penis. With your lips slightly parted, suck the tip of the condom in slightly and give the tip of his cock a nuzzling kiss with your lips, letting them glide down over the head. Hold the shaft with one hand, keep suction on the condom, and wrap your lips firmly over your teeth, squeezing the condom between your mouth and his penis. Push with your mouth in one smooth motion down the shaft, letting your lips unroll the condom as he goes into your mouth. It may take a few rolls. Don't worry if you can't go all the way, because your hand is there to help you finish if you need it. Because the first few tries may be awkward, it's highly recommended that you practice your technique on a dildo. Unless, of course, you have a willing partner for some potentially humorous—but very hot—erotic experiments.

Gloves

Latex and nonlatex gloves are your best friends when you want to incorporate your hands into oral sex. The feel of smooth, slippery latex fingers caressing a penis or penetrating an anus is a sensation some men go crazy for. Plus, gloves instantly solve the problem of rough hands, jagged fingernails, or hangnails. Using a glove is a good safer-sex practice, as you may have tiny cuts on your fingers you may not be aware of, and some viral STDs, such as herpes, can be transmitted by skin-to-skin contact.

Even if you are fluid bonded, you may still want to use gloves to touch his penis or for penetration. They facilitate easy cleanup: you have a messy lube-covered glove and you want to switch activities or cuddle—tada! You remove the glove. Without the glove, you would be washing up in the bathroom. Gloves are essential for preventing the spread of germs from your unwashed hands to his genitals, and vice-versa.

Finger Cots

You can find singular little finger condoms called finger cots at your local pharmacy (made to protect fingers with cuts, these are used a lot in restaurants). Finger cots are great for fingers that may enjoy traveling southward during a blow job (for a little penetration), and they're very discreet. They're inexpensive, indispensable, and fit easily in pockets or purses.

Dental Dams

If neither of you have latex sensitivities, you can use dental dams, or lollyes, for rimming. Dental dams are small squares of latex that are used in dentistry to isolate a tooth. They can transmit the sensations of rimming well when both sides are lubricated. Dental dams are on the thick side—thicker than a condom—so the sex industry has answered back with thinner, larger squares of latex. Glyde Lollyes are thin 10-by-6-inch sheets that come in both flavored and unflavored versions. Lixx are even thinner, but smaller (5-by-5-inch) and also come in flavored or plain versions. If you can't find dams, you can cut open a latex or nonlatex condom or glove.

The best way to use dental dams and other, smaller barriers is to first mark the "mouth" side of your barrier with a pen (one side for your mouth, the other for the anus, in case it slips or slides), then apply a drop or two of water-based lube to the recipient's anus. Press the barrier in place, and you're all set. That little dental dam can be slippery when wet, so be sure to hold it in place with your hands. Remember to switch dams when switching activities or partners.

Plastic Wrap

Latex allergies are no fun, and they can rear their ugly heads as rashes, chronic infections, or severe allergic reactions leading to anaphylactic shock. When in doubt, use plastic wrap (a.k.a. Saran Wrap) for rimming; it does the trick nicely and has playful advantages. It can be even better than those slippery little dental dam squares, because you can use long sheets of it, see through it, and even make a stay-put lickable barrier out of it! For a long time, safer-sex literature insisted on nonmicrowaveable plastic wrap, because the microwaveable variety has microscopic holes to keep your soup from exploding in the microwave. But recent research has shown that those holes don't really open up until the temperature reaches microwave oven levels—that is to say, much hotter than you're both likely to get. Still, it never hurts to be extra safe, so if you're shopping for plastic wrap for safer-sex purposes, do choose the nonmicrowaveable kind.

The Eroticism of Safer Sex

For some of us, the snap of the glove, the unfurling of a dental dam, or the tearing open of the condom package means one delicious thing: we are about to have sex. While others hem and haw about the extra steps required by safer-sex gear, or the hassle, or the lessening of sensation, we smell the latex and know we are about to "get done"—and get done right. It means not only that our partner is considerate and cares enough about our health to take the lead but also that we can relax and anticipate good sex, because we know we are in the hands of someone who knows a thing or two about sex. I don't know about you, but when the gloves go on I think of a smooth and slippery hand, and I purr. Especially if they're put on with a wicked smile. And when a dam is dangled knowingly before my eyes, or a condom pack seductively slipped to me when I'm slipping lower and lower… my sexy partner is telling me there is no escape from pleasure now—and I melt.

Introducing safer-sex gear into your erotic repertoire may seem awkward or even embarrassing at first, but you'll quickly overcome these feelings by spending a little time experimenting with the new accessories. Buy some condoms, dental dams, gloves, and finger cots, and examine them when you get home. Open the packages—touch the items, feel the surface texture, pull and tug on them. Bring the items to your face and lips: become familiar with them by smelling and tasting them. Try on a glove, a finger cot. Taste a condom. Try it out with a dildo (or cucumber). Lubricate one side of a dental dam, place the lubed side on the palm of your hand, and give it a few test licks, varying the sensation to get an idea of what's in store for your lover. Most of all, begin to put your safer-sex gear in the same mental category as your sex toys—because that's what they are.

Allow latex barriers into your erotic fantasies. Incorporate them into your masturbation sessions. Imagine the naughty but sweet ways you can add them to your encounters, such as having a folded condom tucked in your garter belt or the top of your boot, or gloves conveniently placed in the pocket of your jeans.


Input: This passage discusses the hair and hygiene considerations associated with fellatio. It provides information on pubic hair, including shaving and waxing, and discusses the sensory experiences of performing oral sex, including smell, taste, and texture. To generate this passage, a prompt could be: "Write a guide on the hair and hygiene considerations associated with fellatio. Include information on pubic hair, including shaving and waxing, and discuss the sensory experiences of performing oral sex, including smell, taste, and texture."

Response:
CHAPTER 5

Hair and Hygiene

Encountering our lovers, for the first time or the hundredth, means encountering them fully; taste, smell, appearance, skinny legs and all. When you go down on a guy, you're up close and personal with all these things. His pubic hair and how he wears it, how he smells and tastes are variables that depend on biology or mood. If it's your first time going down, you may be wondering just what to expect, both visually and orally. Shaved, furry, musky, or squeaky clean, men are delightful and delicious in all their permutations, and the permutations can be many.

His Pubic Hair

> > > My ex-girlfriend and I decided to completely shave our privates. Talk about arousing experiences... After I shaved completely (including the twins, basically everything down there), she proceeded to give me what I would consider the best blow job I've ever received. She totally loved having no hair to bother her, so she went at me with everything, licking up and down my shaft, licking my balls, taking me in as deep as she could…

Pubic hair is something that simply can't be avoided, no matter how polite the company or skilled the waxer. Adult men have hair that covers their pubic bone, surrounds the base of their penis, and continues over their testicles and scrotum—for starters. Some men are very furry and thickly carpeted; others may have a light coating. It's not uncommon for guys to have a "treasure trail" of hair from their navel to the thicker patch at the pubic bone, to have hair on the base of their penis, and to have pubic hair overflowing onto their thighs. And everyone has hair in the crack of their ass—it's time we all faced this fact. Don't go by what you have seen in porn; porn stars and men in erotic magazines routinely trim and shave their pubic hair, just as the women do.

How guys wear their pubic hair is a matter of individual preference—a combination of what they want to show their lovers, what their partners prefer, and what feels most comfortable. Some guys might want to shave or trim their pubic hair to foster a neat appearance, some might like the feel of less hair, and others may do it for more sensual purposes, such as increasing skin-to-skin contact during sex.

Shaving may seem like a daunting or even scary proposition for men who have never tried it, but many men who shave love the sensitivity it affords, and the way their bare skin can feel every little touch and kiss. Men new to shaving will want to read about it before they try it. Keep in mind that a newly shaved area itches when the hair grows back in. This can be irritating, in that the itching will sometimes happen when you really can't scratch, but if you continue to shave, you will itch less as time goes by. Another thing to consider is that a shaved area will soon become an area with stubble. The best recourse for avoiding beard burn from your pubic region on a lover's face is to either cover the stubble with a small towel or cover your pubic bone with your hand when your partner goes down on you—or shave again!

Illustration 5. Shaving

How to Shave or Trim

If you'd like to shave, follow these suggestions:

> > • Before starting, trim the hair down with a pair of small scissors, such as mustache trimmers, a pair of shears, or clippers.

> > • Take a shower or a warm bath to soften the hair.

> > • To decrease irritation, you might want to rub a bit of oil into the skin under the hair before shaving; try almond or olive.

> > • Put hair conditioner in your pubic hair even before applying the shaving cream. Hair conditioner is what's in those creams sold in adult bookstores specifically for pubic hair shaving, so you can avoid spending the extra money by getting a regular conditioner at the drugstore. Buyer beware—just use conditioner.

> > • Lather up well with a shaving cream or gel—a thick gel is recommended.

> > • Use disposable razors; you might even use two or three in a session.

> > • Start shaving in the same direction as the hair grows, if you can tell. The idea is to shave with as few strokes as possible. Rinse the razor in warm water after each pass; never dry shave.

> > • Use a mirror and sit on a towel (if you're by yourself). A chair and a full-length mirror are ideal.

> > • To shave the testicles and scrotum safely, stretch the skin out flat with your hand.

> > • When finished, rinse off using a gentle soap, pat dry, and apply a scent-fee, hypoallergenic lotion.

> > • Never powder! It dries out your tender, newly shaved skin. If you must dust afterward to feel dry, use only cornstarch. Of particular interest to men with female lovers, many body powders contain talc, which has been linked to cervical cancer in women.

> > • Yes, it can itch like crazy when it grows back in. To avoid embarrassing moments in the elevator, apply more of the hypoallergenic lotion. It won't make the itching stop forever, but it helps.

Razor Burn

Nothing's worse than making yourself lovely with a clean shave, and then having it ruined by razor burn. That uncomfortable, ugly red rash of bumps is troublesome, but it can be avoided to some extent by following the shaving suggestions presented above. If you seek further help, beware of over-the-counter and prescription creams, because they contain cortisone. Cortisone will get rid of your razor burn, but using it more than twice a week causes thinning of the skin. Try these suggestions instead:

> > • Splash with cool water after shaving to close your pores.

> > • Wash shaved areas with goat milk soap, which restores the skin's natural mantle and pH.

> > • Use calendula creams or ointments after shaving. Calendula works wonders on irritated skin.

> > • Use a natural aftershave from a health food store.

> > • You can find products that work well for razor bumps at drugstores (such as Tend Skin), but they usually contain harsh chemicals. Use these sparingly.

Waxing—For Men?

Yes, Virginia, men do get waxed. Salons that wax tend to have a client base that is both male and female, and if you think the men are only there to have their backs or chests depilated, think again. Some men do it for their partners, or for modeling or appearance concerns, and some do it for sports such as swimming or bodybuilding—so they say. Guys can and do have their bikini area waxed, and some go for the gold and get their entire genital area waxed. If you tend to get ingrown hairs, it's best to stay away from waxing, which makes hairs split and loop around under the skin's surface.

Waxing is the procedure in which a warm wax specifically formulated for hair removal is applied to the area of unwanted hair, then gauze is pressed onto it while it's still warm. When it's set, it's ripped away from the skin, taking the offending hair with it. It hurts when it's ripped away, and leaves you red and swollen for a day or two afterward. But when you consider that you're left hairless for upward of six weeks, skipping a day or two of bicycle riding isn't such a bad trade-off. Waxing can be done at home, but for delicate genital areas, you're better off putting your gonads in the hands of trained professionals.

The type of wax treatment that removes all hair in the pubic region (mound, penis, testicles, perineum, and anus) is called a "Brazilian wax." The popularity of this procedure has made it readily available in many salons, but you'll want to call around and ask a few questions before you make an appointment. Look for higher-end salons; though they cost more, it's worth it to know you're in expert hands. Find out if they wax men, because some salons cater to women only or give Brazilians only to women. Next, find out how long their staff has been giving Brazilian waxes, specifically the staff member they will book your appointment with. Don't settle for someone who has done Brazilians for less than a year or has little experience waxing men.

When you go in to get a Brazilian, check your shyness at the door with your coat and hat. Prepare yourself to strip down in front of the cosmetologist and spread your legs into a wide, Yoga-like position. You may wind up holding your legs over your head. Be sure to go in with enough hair to wax off; if you've shaved recently, the cosmetologist might tell you to come back when your hair has grown in more. The waxing begins with a dusting of baby powder and continues with a quick slathering of wax. Even more quickly, the wax comes off, and the sensation may make you see stars. Then, a once-over with tweezers, and, well, let's hope the endorphins have kicked in, because you'll be red, swollen, and quite sore. Be prepared for the possibility of getting an unintentional erection during the process, and consider that you might have a similar arousal reaction afterward, as the pain may stimulate your blood flow and nerve endings. Any waxer who has waxed a man has seen it all before, so if you feel ashamed or embarrassed, don't sweat it—if you don't, they won't. If your doctor says it's okay with for you to take Ibuprofen, a few tablets half an hour before your wax will help minimize swelling. But the whole procedure is over in about fifteen minutes and leaves you sporting a silky-smooth cock, balls, and butt.

Aromas and Flavors

Sight, sound, touch, smell, and taste are the sensual tools with which we fully meet our world, including our lovers. A nuzzle, an intake of breath, a caress with your lips, or the taste of a kiss all combine to filter your lover through your senses into a delicious sensory cocktail—ideally, one that is an aphrodisiac. Kisses, anywhere they land, draw your senses into erotic focus and make the pursuit of your lover's essence into passion, desire, and need. The smell, taste, and feel of a first kiss can be unforgettable.

If a kiss can be a long drink of water for our senses, then performing oral sex is like swimming in your partner's taste and scent. Erotic writings contain countless allegories that commemorate, or denigrate, the unique smells and tastes found in breeches and under skirts—yet when you're wondering just what you'll encounter when you go down on a guy, this is no help. People who love to give head will go on about how great guys taste and how much it turns them on, while others new to the game may be scared senseless about how things might taste or smell. A man's scent and taste can vary depending on any number of factors, from whether he's showered lately to whether he smokes.

But the reality is that he's going to taste and smell like whatever he tastes and smells like all over—just a little more musky. His cock may taste lightly salty or even a bit tangy, and some men exude a very faint odor of come. The taste of pre-come, the slippery substance that some men ooze from their urethral opening, can range from no flavor at all to a slight sharpness or saltiness, or it can taste like a mild version of his ejaculate. Strong foods such as asparagus or garlic can influence the urethral environment, and so can vitamins. Even if they seem undetectable, the flavors and smells from a man's genitals are packed with chemicals and pheromones that make a powerful biochemical aphrodisiac. However, this doesn't mean that his chemistry will "click" with yours, or that your lover will have the same sweet taste every time. Should you notice a marked change in his aroma or flavor, and you have both established trust in the area of oral sex, you might gently bring it to his attention, as it may warrant a health check.

Illustration 6. Soap Him Up

If you are concerned about cleanliness, or about your own reactions to tasting or smelling him for the first time, try showering together beforehand or taking a sensual bath. This way, you can seductively soap him up, getting him thoroughly clean (and thoroughly aroused). In the bath or shower, testing out the way he feels on your lips and tongue might be easier, because you have control over both the environment and the cleanliness issue. Plus, tenderly washing and kissing him is incredibly intimate, and just plain sexy.

A Taste of Honey

> > > I've always been the type of girl to never swallow it. But I do with my new lover. I don't know what's different, maybe because I'm with someone I'm so crazy about that I want all of him!

If you put a man's penis in your mouth with the intention of giving him pleasure, chances are good that he's going to have an orgasm—in, or near, your mouth. How you feel about this depends on many factors; whether you enjoy the idea, the time and place of the blow job, how much you like him, or even how your relationship is going. If you don't know him, or his sexual history, then spitting or swallowing is also a question of assessing risk: semen has been shown to contain HIV, which can be dangerous if you have any tiny cuts, sores, or bites in your mouth. Somewhere between thinking you might want to go down on him and his orgasm, you're going to need to decide exactly what you're comfortable with in terms of his ejaculation. Are you okay with him coming in your mouth, or not?

The consistency and amount of come expelled upon orgasm varies from man to man. While the average amount is between one and two teaspoonfuls, some men may have close to the two teaspoons or more, while others have very little at all. The amount, texture, or flavor of a man's come has absolutely nothing to do with how powerful or pleasurable his orgasm is. One guy may have thin, watery come, while another's is thick like egg whites, or it can be anywhere in between.

Taste is another variable, and besides any dietary influences, each man is different; you may find you enjoy the flavor of one lover's come and not another's. Male ejaculate measures in at an alkaline pH of 8 (more alkaline than spit, tears, or sweat), approximately the same pH of an egg white. It can taste neutral, slightly salty, bitter, a little sweet, similar to an oyster, like a delicate Brie cheese, or even slightly tart. Many people also report very slight (though sometimes strong) odors of bleach or mushrooms. Of course, his ejaculate is going to taste and smell just like his very own brand of ejaculate, and there's only one way to find out if it's to your liking.

The taste of a man being subject to the individual's erotic palate, many fellatio fans enjoy the taste of come and like its distinctive texture. After all, it is the tangible reward for earnest efforts, and many who like it view it in an almost romantic, sometimes fetishistic light. It can be a powerful aphrodisiac, too—the substance itself or simply the concept of a man coming in your mouth can be a powerful turn-on. I've illustrated the similarities come has to several different foods, but in truth there is really nothing like it. It is the genuine article; salty or sweet, thick or thin, a man's come is the part of his orgasm that shares part of him with you.

Some men revel in their ejaculate and feel emotionally good about sharing it with you, or eroticize sharing it with you—it turns them on. A man might feel hurt or pangs of rejection if you display distaste or disgust, while some men don't care, and others may dislike it as well. You never know unless you ask.

> > > For some reason, I could never swallow. I'd think that I should, especially when I was in my last long-term relationship, because you're "supposed" to do that for someone you love.

As an earnest apprentice to the arts of fellatio, take your time getting used to everything that accompanies ejaculation, including the final result, the come itself. Take it in stages: the moment of orgasm, the contractions, and the come will become more comfortable to you as you experience them, at your own pace. When you want to find out if you like come in your mouth, or if you want to try to like it, start by first tasting it from another body part. Have him come in your hand or on another body part, then discreetly taste a little on your fingertips. This way you can try it before ending up with a mouthful of something you may not like, and you can sample it in a way that will spare his feelings if you don't like it. You can repeat this method until you gradually become more comfortable with the taste, smell, and texture. As you become more comfortable, you can aim him onto your lips or tongue. Eroticize the process—don't forget you're doing this because it's hot for both of you. Experiment with your own arousal levels as you test out your comfort; you can masturbate or fantasize to turn yourself on. Watching porn might feed the fires of fantasy and fellatio with facial or oral ejaculation. See chapter 12, "Independent Study, " for recommendations.

Close Shave

by Alison Tyler

The thing is, he shouldn't have teased me.

"Little kitty's getting furry," Tom said, warm fingers wandering down under the leopard-print sheets to find my usually well-pruned pussy. It had been a long week, and I'd skipped my routine waxing appointment in favor of a much-needed nap. But it was-n't as if I'd grown a beard. I was just a little fuzzier between my thighs than normal.

"I guess the honeymoon's over," he continued, feigning sadness.

That's when I snapped. "You're pretty furry, too," I told him, reaching down to firmly twine my own fingers in his short, blonde curls. "Maybe you should consider a visit to Darlene."

"And Darlene is—?"

"My waxer. She does men, too, you know."

"Bet she does," Tom smiled. "I'll bet she does lots of men."

"I'm serious," I told him. "Half her clients are male."

He pushed up on one arm to look at me, stunned by the thought. "They wax their pubic hair?"

Yes, I honestly know that most of the men who go to Darlene want their back hair removed, or their chests to be as smooth as a Versace boy-toy model, but I took advantage of Tom's naïveté. As I said, he'd been teasing me. "Uh, huh," I told him, nodding animatedly to show how truthful I was being. "Maybe you should try it."

"Hot wax down there? I don't think so."

"She uses cold wax, too," I continued, "and there are other methods of hair removal, you know."

"So, what are the benefits?" he asked seriously, "aside from having a strange woman's hand in your crotch." I could feel his cock stirring right below where my fingers were still nestled in his hair. This conversation was definitely appealing to his kinky side.

"Well," I purred, "you know the feeling of fucking my pussy right after a wax job when it's totally bare…?"

"'The sphinx," he said, naming the wax job I've had that completely removes all hair. Every strand. His sky blue eyes glazed slightly at the memory.

"It'll feel like that for you. Just bare, smooth skin against mine."

His hand searched out my pussy again, fingers finding the reddish fur, and he said, "Not so smooth right now, baby."

"So let's fix it." I pushed out from under the covers and padded naked down the hall. After a moment, Tom followed me to the bathroom and leaned against the cool lip of the sink as I got out the supplies. While he watched, I slipped into our shower and turned on the water. "Come on," I urged him. "Soap up first, to get everything warm and wet. Then we'll shave—"

"We?" he asked, joining me under the hot spray.

"Tit for tat," I told him, "I shave you, you shave me."

We spent a few glorious minutes sudsing each other up all over, and then I got into the frisky fun by using my pink-hued, raspberry scented, girly-girl conditioner on his pubic hair. But before he could get too turned on by this most personal shampoo session, I killed the water.

I could tell from the look on his face that he was still undecided about our little erotic adventure, so I dried off, handed over the razor, and spread myself out on the fluffy bath mat. Immediately, Tom took charge, slapping a towel around his flat waist and working me up with the lather, fingers probing and gently pinching to hold my pussy lips still. In just a short time I was bare again. And revved up. My cunt throbbed deliciously from all the attention it had just received.

Now it was his turn. "Ready, baby?" I asked. He nodded bravely and took a stand, feet apart, weight set. First, I used a small pair of silvery scissors to trim his fur. Light golden curls rained down onto the floor. Then slowly, I spread the shaving cream all over his pubes, and Tom sighed at the sensation of icy menthol against his skin. He closed his eyes when I got near him with the blade, but I have steady hands, and I whisked away all those short, blonde curls. As I rinsed him down with a soft cloth, I made sure that he could feel my hot breath on his skin. Then I parted my lips.

"What—" he murmured. "What are you doing?"

He'd thought we would immediately fuck. I understood that he'd envisioned doing it doggie-style with me bent over the sink. This is a favorite position of ours, because we can stare into the mirror on the back of the medicine cabinet, watching our reflections. But first I wanted to reward him for being such a good sport. And, honestly, the way his cock looked without any hair framing it was a total, and unexpected, turn-on. Just this majestic tower of sex, waiting to feel my warm, wet lips around it.

I put my palms on his sturdy, muscled thighs as I brought my lips to the tip of his cock. Tom sighed and traced his fingertips through my long, curly hair as I drew the next inch of his shaft farther into my mouth. There was something so unique about this experience that I had to use one hand to touch myself between my legs as I worked him. It was as if we were the most naked we'd ever been together.

Shorn. Bare. Smooth.

Sucking all the way down, I did my best to press my lips to the skin of his body, but his cock is just too long for this trick. Still, I got the contact I craved, running my fingertips along the silky skin of his balls, sliding my fingertips back behind them to press on that powerful little trigger point.

"Angel," Tom whispered. "Don't stop."

I didn't. I kept sucking and swallowing, moving back on my heels to give myself room to simply lick his shaft. My tongue in a point, I danced it up and down, caressing him, taunting him, until he couldn't handle it any longer and had to come, shooting hard down my throat so that I swallowed every drop.

We're going to keep up the bare-naked look for a while.

But I think Darlene has just lost herself a customer.