Input:
1. Q: What is the main focus of the book based on the table of contents?
A: The main focus of the book is on sexual healing for survivors of sexual abuse. It covers topics such as safety, self-care, somatics, and safer sex. It also delves into desire, pleasure, self-denial, and dissociation. Additionally, it provides information on sexual anatomy, masturbation, consent, boundaries, and triggers. Furthermore, the book discusses oral sex, penetration, and embracing triggers. It explores the emotions of healing, S/M, role-playing, and fantasy. Lastly, it covers sex toys, spiritual sexuality, intimacy, self-forgiveness, and partnership with survivors of sexual abuse.
2. Q: What is the intended audience for this book based on the table of contents?
A: The intended audience for this book is survivors of sexual abuse who are seeking to heal their sexual selves. It is also intended for partners of survivors who want to understand and support their loved ones. Additionally, it could be useful for therapists and counselors who work with survivors of sexual abuse.
3. Q: What is the structure of the book based on the table of contents?
A: The book is divided into 19 chapters, each focusing on a specific aspect of sexual healing for survivors of sexual abuse. The chapters are organized in a logical order, starting with the basics of safety and self-care, and progressing to more complex topics such as consent, boundaries, and triggers. Each chapter includes exercises and activities to help readers engage with the material.
4. Q: What is the significance of the "Sex Guide Exercises" sections in each chapter?
A: The "Sex Guide Exercises" sections in each chapter provide practical activities for readers to engage with the material. These exercises are intended to help readers apply the concepts discussed in the chapter to their own lives and experiences. They also serve as a way to practice new skills and techniques related to sexual healing.
5. Q: What is the purpose of the "Discovering Your Pleasure and Desire" section in chapter two?
A: The purpose of the "Discovering Your Pleasure and Desire" section in chapter two is to help readers explore and understand their own sexual desires and pleasures. This section encourages readers to reflect on what they find pleasurable and desirable, and to develop a better understanding of their own sexual needs and preferences.
6. Q: What is the significance of the "Sexual Aversion" and "Sexual Compulsion" sections in chapter four?
A: The "Sexual Aversion" and "Sexual Compulsion" sections in chapter four address the two common responses survivors of sexual abuse may have towards sex. Sexual aversion is a fear or avoidance of sexual activity, while sexual compulsion is an excessive or compulsive need for sexual activity. These sections offer guidance and support for survivors who struggle with these issues, and provide strategies for healing and recovery.
7. Q: What is the purpose of the "Five Steps to Great Masturbation" section in chapter six?
A: The purpose of the "Five Steps to Great Masturbation" section in chapter six is to provide readers with a step-by-step guide to enjoying masturbation. This section offers tips and techniques for exploring one's own body, finding pleasure, and increasing sexual confidence. It also encourages readers to let go of any shame or stigma associated with masturbation.
8. Q: What is the significance of the "Informed Consent" section in chapter seven?
A: The "Informed Consent" section in chapter seven emphasizes the importance of obtaining clear and informed consent before engaging in any sexual activity. This section provides readers with guidance on how to communicate their boundaries and desires, and how to respect the boundaries and desires of their partners. It also offers advice on how to navigate consent in the context of triggers and trauma.
9. Q: What is the purpose of the "Embracing Triggers" section in chapter eleven?
A: The "Embracing Triggers" section in chapter eleven offers guidance and support for survivors who experience triggers related to their sexual abuse. This section provides strategies for identifying and managing triggers, as well as for communicating with partners about triggers. It also encourages readers to practice self-compassion and self-care when dealing with triggers.
10. Q: What is the significance of the "S/M 101: Consent, Power, Sensation" section in chapter thirteen?
A: The "S/M 101: Consent, Power, Sensation" section in chapter thirteen provides an introduction to the world of S/M and BDSM. This section emphasizes the importance of consent, communication, and boundaries in these practices. It also offers guidance on how to engage in S/M in a safe and consensual way, and how to explore one's own desires and limits.

Response:
Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright Page

Acknowledgements

Dedication

illustrations

Introduction

chapter one - Safety, Somatics, and Sexual Healing

> The Choice to Heal

> Safety and Sexual Healing

> What's Down This Road, Anyway?

> Somebody to Lean On: Self-Care and Support

> Somatics: Including Your Body in Healing

> Safer Sex

> Getting Started

> Sex Guide Exercises

chapter two - Desire and Pleasure

> Discovering Your Pleasure and Desire

> Desire Is in Your Body

> Your Sexual Self-Education

> The Complexity of Desire

> Sex Guide Exercises

chapter three - Dissociation

> Checking Out

> Dissociation and You

> The Road Back: Healing Dissociation

> Sex Guide Exercises

chapter four - Self-Denial

> Survival Is a Powerful Act

> Sexual Aversion: Who Needs Sex, Anyway?

> Sexual Compulsion: Sex As the Only Way

> Healing Self-Denial

> The End of Self-Denial

> Sex Guide Exercises

chapter five - Sexual Response and Anatomy: Information Is Power

> Where Did You Learn That?

> So What Is That Thing? A Lesson in Sexual Anatomy

> Sexual Response Cycle

> Gynecological Issues

> Your Body

> Sex Guide Exercises

chapter six - Masturbation and Self-Healing

> Self-Loving

> A Bad Rap

> Your Keystone to Healing

> But I Don't Want to Masturbate

> Five Steps to Great Masturbation

> How to Touch Yourself

> A Masturbation Date

> Sex Toys, Fantasies, and Porn

> Compulsive Masturbation

> Mutual Masturbation

> Sex Guide Exercises

chapter seven - Consent and Boundaries: The "Yes," "No," and "Maybe" of Sex

> What Is Consent?

> Sexual Abuse and Unwanted Sex

> Embodied Consent

> Informed Consent

> Knowing What You Want

> Communicating Consent

> "Yes," "No," and "Maybe" Vignettes

> Negotiate Before You Play

> Response from Others

> Healthy Risks

> Sex Guide Exercises

chapter eight - Partner Sex

> The Good, the Bad, and…the Pleasurable?

> Choosing Sexual Partners

> Let's Talk About Sex

> How to Meet Sexual Partners

> Flirting and Kissing

> Go Out There and Have Fun!

> Sex Guide Exercises

chapter nine - Oral Sex

> Cunnilingus

> The How-to's of Cunnilingus

> Fellatio

> The How-to's of Fellatio

> Rimming

> The How-to's of Rimming

> Safer Oral Sex

> Sex Guide Exercises

chapter ten - Penetration

> Vaginal Penetration

> The How-to's of Vaginal Penetration

> Anal Penetration

> The How-to's of Anal Penetration

> Safer Penetration

> Penetration and Triggers

> Sex Guide Exercises

chapter eleven - Embracing Triggers

> What Is a Trigger?

> Map to Recovery

> Embracing Triggers: This Way Out

> Trigger Plan and Tools

> Tell It Like It Is: Communication and Triggers

> Safewords

> Troubling Desire

> Healing Triggers Outside of Partner Sex

> Taking a Break from Sex

> Sex Guide Exercises

chapter twelve - The Emotions of Healing: You Gotta Feel Your Way Out of This

> You Have to Feel It to Heal It

> The Five Stages of Emotions

> Emotional Centering

> Emotional Sourcing

> Emotional Healing

> Being Witnessed in Your Emotions

> Sex Guide Exercises

chapter thirteen - S/M, Role-Playing, and Fantasy

> S/M 101: Consent, Power, Sensation

> Exploring the Edges

> S/M and Survivors

> S/M as "Acting Out" Abuse

> Vanilla Role-Playing

> Fantasy

> Sex Guide Exercises

chapter fourteen - Sex Toys and Accoutrements

> Vibrators

> Dildos and Harnesses

> Anal Toys

> Lubricants

> S/M and Bondage Toys

> Toys, Safer Sex, and Cleaning

> Erotic Books and Videos

> Phone Sex

> Cyber Sex

> Your Play Toys

> Sex Guide Exercises

chapter fifteen - Spiritual Sexuality

> Tantra

> Yoni Massage

> Sacred Masturbation and Ceremony

> Learning More

> Sex Guide Exercises

chapter sixteen - Intimacy and Self-Forgiveness

> Combining Intimacy and Sex: Turning up the Heat

> Self-Forgiveness

> Self-Trust and Compassion

> Do I Deserve Pleasure?

> Self-Permission

> Sex Guide Exercises

chapter seventeen - Partnering with Survivors of Sexual Abuse

> It's Not Your Fault

> No Saviors, No Patients

> Take Care of Yourself

> Expand Your Sexual Repertoire

> You Get to Change, Too

> Survivors as Partners

> Sex Guide Exercises

chapter eighteen - Your Powerful Sexual Self: Who Are You Becoming?

chapter nineteen - Bibliography and Resources

> CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE

> RELATIONSHIPS - Books

> ADDICTION AND RECOVERY - Recovery Resources, Organizations, and Hotlines

> SOMATIC HEALING

> SEX-POSITIVE SEX INFORMATION

Index

About the Author


Input:
 1. Q: What is the copyright information for the book?
A: The book is copyrighted © 1999 by Staci Haines. All rights are reserved, and no part of the book may be reproduced without permission in writing from the publisher, except for brief passages quoted in reviews.
2. Q: Who holds the copyright for the illustrations in the book?
A: The illustrations in the book are copyrighted © 1998, 1999 by Fish.
3. Q: Who is the publisher of the book?
A: Cleis Press Inc.
4. Q: What is the address of the publisher?
A: P.O. Box 14684, San Francisco, California 94114
5. Q: When was the book published?
A: The book was published in the United States.
6. Q: Who designed the cover of the book?
A: Scott Idleman designed the cover of the book.
7. Q: Who took the cover photographs for the book?
A: Melanie Friend took the cover photographs for the book.
8. Q: Who designed the text for the book?
A: Karen Huff designed the text for the book.
9. Q: What is the Cleis Press logo art?
A: The Cleis Press logo art is by Juana Alicia © 1986.
10. Q: What is the ISBN number for the book?
A: ISBN 1-57344-079-5 (alk. paper)
11. Q: What is the first edition of the book?
A: The book is a first edition.
12. Q: What is the Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data for the book?
A: The Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data for the book includes information such as the author's name, title of the book, ISBN number, and subject headings. The subject headings for the book include adult child sexual abuse victims, adult child sexual abuse victims' sexual behavior, sex counseling, sex instruction, and somatics.

Response:
Copyright © 1999 by Staci Haines.

All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio or television reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or recording, or by information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Publisher.

Published in the United States by Cleis Press Inc., P.O. Box 14684,

San Francisco, California 94114.

Printed in the United States.

Cover design: Scott Idleman

Cover photographs: Melanie Friend

Text design: Karen Huff

Cleis Press logo art: Juana Alicia © 1986

First Edition.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Illustrations copyright © 1998, 1999 by Fish.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Haines, Staci.

The survivor's guide to sex : how to have an empowered sex life after child sexual abuse / Staci Haines.—1st ed. p. cm.

ISBN 1-57344-079-5 (alk. paper)

1\. Adult child sexual abuse victims—United States—Psychology. 2. Adult child sexual abuse victims—United States—Sexual Behavior. 3. Sex counseling—United States. 4. Sex instruction—United States. 5. Somatics I. Title

HV6570.2.H34 1999 362.76'4'0973—dc21 99-24107

CIP


Input:
  1. Q: Who is acknowledged for agreeing to be interviewed for the book?
A: Many thanks to the women who agreed to be interviewed for this book.
2. Q: Why are the stories of the women who agreed to be interviewed for the book vital and courageous?
A: Your stories are vital and courageous, and your creativity in re-inventing your lives is inspiring.
3. Q: Who else is acknowledged for their contribution to the book?
A: Thank you also to the women and men I've had the opportunity to work with in my somatic practice and workshops.
4. Q: Who is acknowledged for their commitment to the book?
A: Thank you to Felice Newman of Cleis Press, especially for your commitment to this book. Your dedication made it possible.
5. Q: Who compiled the sexuality bibliography?
A: Genanne Walsh compiled the sexuality bibliography.
6. Q: Who helped with the Resource?
A: Lauren Whittemore helped with the Resource.
7. Q: Who provided the illustrations for the book?
A: Fish provided the illustrations for the book.
8. Q: Who is acknowledged for supporting the author as a writer?
A: Aurora Levins Morales is acknowledged for supporting the author as a writer.
9. Q: Who is acknowledged for their work and years together?
A: Good Vibrations is acknowledged for their work and years together.
10. Q: Who is acknowledged for their support and conversations?
A: Carol Queen, Jackie Bruckman, and Shar Rednour are acknowledged for their support and conversations.
11. Q: Who is acknowledged for their learning and dedication?
A: Jessica Murray, Audre Lorde, Serge Kahali King, NLP Austin, Loveworks, Lomi School, Suki Mathewes, Peggy Hammes, and Equity Institute are acknowledged for their years of learning and dedication that they have so generously passed onto the author.
12. Q: Who is acknowledged for encouraging the author's thinking and writing?
A: Edie Swan is acknowledged for encouraging the author's thinking and writing.
13. Q: Who is acknowledged for their learning in the field of somatics?
A: Richard Strozzi Heckler and Rancho Strozzi Institute are acknowledged for their learning in the field of somatics.
14. Q: Who is acknowledged for walking the road close to the author?
A: David Moerbe, Wendy Haines, Mary Kay Haines, Clare Huntington, Ruby Gold, and Denise Benson are acknowledged for walking the road close to the author.
15. Q: Who is acknowledged for embracing the delights and horrors?
A: The author's friends are acknowledged for embracing the delights and horrors, the author's wildness and seriousness as one big package.
16. Q: Who is acknowledged for their love, courage, and willingness to hang in the unknown with the author?
A: The author's loved ones are acknowledged for their love, courage, and willingness to hang in the unknown with the author.
17. Q: Who is acknowledged for their brilliance?
A: The author's friends are acknowledged for being brilliant people.
18. Q: Who is acknowledged for walking through the chaos and doing right by their lives?
A: The author's family is acknowledged for attempting to courageously walk through the chaos and do right by their lives and each other.
19. Q: Who is acknowledged for everything?
A: Spirit is acknowledged for everything.

Response:
Acknowledgments

Many thanks to the women who agreed to be interviewed for this book. Your stories are vital and courageous, and your creativity in re-inventing your lives is inspiring. Thank you also to the women and men I've the opportunity to work with in my somatic practice and workshops. I am honored to be a part of your lives.

Thank you to Felice Newman, Frédérique Delacoste, and Don Weise of Cleis Press... Felice, thank you, especially for your commitment to this book. Your dedication made it possible. Thank you to Genanne Walsh for compiling the sexuality bibliography, to Lauren Whittemore for help with the Resource, and to Fish for your fabulous illustrations. I want to thank Aurora Levins Morales for supporting me as a writer and engaging in hours of conversation, on everything from politics to sex and beyond.

To all the folks at Good Vibrations. Thank you for your work and our years together. And to my many friends in the sex positive community, especially to Carol Queen for our at times heated conversations, and Jackie Bruckman and Shar Rednour for who you are. I am grateful and delighted.

My relationships with friends, chosen family, community, and teachers are reflected in this writing.

Thanks to Serge Kahali King, NLP Austin, Loveworks, Lomi School, Suki Mathewes, Peggy Hammes, and Equity Institute, Jessica Murray, and Audre Lorde for your years of learning and dedication that you have so generously passed onto me.

A special thanks to Edie Swan for encouraging my thinking and writing. And many great thanks to Richard Strozzi Heckler and Rancho Strozzi Institute for learning in the field of somatics, your willingness to risk creating a new discourse, and not being afraid of much of anything you find in people.

Thanks to those of you who have walked this road close to me. Your love, courage, and willingness to hang in the unknown with me has made all of the difference. David Moerbe, Wendy Haines, Mary Kay Haines, Clare Huntington, and Ruby Gold. And to my gal, Denise Benson, thank you for all of your love, brazenness, and delight in the shadows.

To my friends, whom I adore, thank you for embracing the delights and the horrors, my wildness and seriousness as one big package. Thank you for being the brilliant people that you are. Akaya Windwood, Maria Gonzales Barron, Beverly Wagstaff, Jen Cohen, Terri Hague, Mary Beth Krouse, Gillian Harkins, Babette Bourgeois, Val Robb, Kim Miller, Kacie Stetson, Penny Rosenwasser, Anita Montero, Donna Diamond, George Harrison, and Ric Owen.

Thanks to my family, each of whom is attempting to courageously walk through the chaos, and do right by their lives and each other. Last, but certainly not least, thank you to Spirit, for everything.


Input:
 1. Q: Who is the book dedicated to?
A: This book is dedicated to the girls that we were.
2. Q: What message is being conveyed to the girls that the book is dedicated to?
A: Welcome to the rest of your life, and the world you can create.
3. Q: What is wished for the girls the book is dedicated to?
A: May it be filled with pleasure and wisdom.

Response:
Dedication

This book is dedicated to the girls that we were.

Welcome to the rest of your life, and the world you can create.

May it be filled with pleasure and wisdom.


Input:
  1. Q: What section of the book are you referring to?
A: Illustrations
2. Q: What are some examples of the illustrations in the book?
A: 1. Safer-Sex Gear, page 19
   2. Female Anatomy, page 67
   3. Male Anatomy, page 72
   4. Anal Anatomy, page 75
   5. Vibrators, page 201
   6. Dildos and Harnesses, page 204
   7. Anal Toys, page 206
   8. S/M Toys, page 209
USER: Here is the next part of the story:

Chapter 1: Being Sexual

Sexuality encompasses our identities as human beings. It is a crucial part of our existence. We were born sexual, we will die sexual. But the meaning of sexuality will change throughout our lives.

TASK: Write a detailed prompt that would generate the above section of the story.
ASSISTANT:  1. Q: What is the topic of the first chapter?
A: The topic of the first chapter is 'Being Sexual'.
2. Q: What is the main point being made in this chapter?
A: The main point being made in this chapter is that sexuality is a crucial part of our existence and identities as human beings. We were born sexual, we will die sexual. But the meaning of sexuality will change throughout our lives.

Response:
illustrations

> 1\. Safer-Sex Gear, page 19

> 2\. Female Anatomy, page 67

> 3\. Male Anatomy, page 72

> 4\. Anal Anatomy, page 75

> 5\. Vibrators, page 201

> 6\. Dildos and Harnesses, page 204

> 7\. Anal Toys, page 206

> 8\. S/M Toys, page 209


Input:
 1. Q: What is the focus of this section?
A: This section is a personal account of the author's journey as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.
2. Q: Can you elaborate on the author's personal experiences with sexual abuse?
A: The author discusses the double taboo of women's sexuality and child abuse, and how sexual assault is an attempt to disempower, own, or destroy another. She shares her belief that sexual assault is a form of "soul murder". The author also discusses the challenges of being a sexually empowered woman, the prevalence of childhood sexual abuse, and her own healing journey, which began during a sexual encounter with a boyfriend. She shares her experiences with insomnia, an inability to eat, and depression, as well as her discovery of the effects of trauma on children's lives. The author also discusses her tactics for survival, which included a strong spiritual connection, dissociation, and being a high achiever. She shares her experiences with chronic vaginal and yeast infections, and her difficulty relating to being in her body. The author also discusses her experiences with emotional intimacy and sex, and her identification as androgynous.

Response:
#  A Personal Journey

The Survivor's Guide to Sex confronts a double taboo: women's sexuality and child abuse, both subjects our culture would rather have us whisper about behind closed doors or, better yet, deny entirely. Yet for survivors, sex was the very site of attack. Children can be abused verbally, emotionally, physically, and through many forms of neglect. Why, then, sexual abuse? Why were we wounded in our most intimate places? I believe that sexual assault is an attempt to disempower, own, or destroy another. Alice Miller calls childhood sexual abuse "soul murder." Many survivors would agree with her. I often felt that my perpetrators were reaching for my soul, trying to take something from me that was long lost in themselves.

Women's sexuality is the other piece of the double taboo. What is so threatening about a sexually empowered woman? A sexually empowered woman is a woman who is embodied, whose sexual expression is a part of herself, and whose sex life is self-defined. A sexually empowered woman is able to make choices for herself; she is able to express consent and maintain boundaries that serve her. She can ask for what she wants. She becomes self-referential, meaning she trusts her own experience and intelligence over external messages. Incest is the ultimate training in not trusting one's self. Becoming sexually empowered restores that self-trust.

The wounds of children victimized by sexual abuse are so profoundly deep that most of us find ourselves turning away in denial or blaming the victims themselves. Yet one in three girls, and one in six boys, are victims of childhood sexual abuse. Few of us can face this cultural dis-ease. Whom might you see if you looked? Someone in your own family? Your favorite soccer coach, your child's music teacher, or your next-door neighbor?

I came to sex education and sexual healing through a very personal route. As is true for many women, my own healing began while I was having sex with a boyfriend. This was my moment of clarity, when I faced the fact that I had been sexually abused by my father and several "family friends" for much of my youth. I had no idea what was going on—I only knew that some internal boulder had rolled away from the mouth of the cave, and my history came pouring out.

Thus my healing journey began. I spent two years running from recovery before I finally surrendered to my healing. Before I finally faced the abuse, I experienced insomnia, an inability to eat, and a thick brick wall of depression that separated me from the world. The years that followed were horrible and miraculous. I found healing, devastation, loss, confrontation, a family falling apart and weaving (partly) together again. If you are healing from childhood sexual assault, you know exactly what I am talking about. You have stories of your own.

During the years of abuse, my survival depended upon a strong spiritual connection, a natural talent for dissociating, and being a high achiever. When I began studying the effects of trauma on children's lives, I found that survivors usually fall into the under- or overachiever camps. We are the really good kids or the really bad kids. Discovering this was a relief for me. As is true for many survivors, no one ever asked me what was up, because I was doing so well.

Actually, my second-grade teacher did ask me why I was going to the bathroom so frequently. I had chronic vaginal and yeast infections. I didn't know what was causing the itching and pain, so I would go to the bathroom a lot to check. Eventually, she pulled me aside and asked what was going on. When I didn't say anything, she asked me to go home and talk with my mom about what was happening. That was the wrong place to turn for help. Ashamed, I told my mom over dinner. She said it was just discharge and that all the women in our family had it (which speaks volumes about my family).

By junior high I was a master at dissociation. I would sit in science class and stare at my own arm. It seemed utterly bizarre to me that this was my arm. How could it be my arm? What was my arm, anyway? Except for athletics—where it was safe to feel my physical self—I did not relate to being in my body.

My tactic was to control my emotions and feelings, including sexual ones. In high school, I couldn't comprehend the whole "blue balls" thing the boys complained about. I could turn my sexual interest on and off again, easy as that. I wondered why others couldn't do that, too. As a kid, I didn't masturbate, and neighborhood games of truth-or-dare brought on huge attacks of shame if they involved anything even remotely sexual.

While I controlled my sexual feelings and desire, my sister's survival tactics were the opposite. Instead of controlling sex, she was out exploring with all the neighborhood kids. She says she was considered very sophisticated about sex in our neighborhood.

Once I began having consensual sex in high school, I organized my intimate life in the classic survivor split: My best friend was a guy with whom I shared my emotional life, my secrets, and my philosophical reflections. My boyfriend, with whom I explored sex, was someone else. I could hardly speak a word to him. I actually did love him but was terrified to share myself with him. I could not endure emotional intimacy and sex at the same time. I froze.

I was uninterested in other girls, who seemed weak and sissy-like to me. I hated pink. All my friends were boys. I didn't want to be a man, but I certainly was not going to be a woman. I identified as androgynous. It wasn't until I was exposed to feminism in college, and discovered powerful female role models, that I began calling myself a woman.


Input:
  1. Q: What is the focus of this section?
A: This section discusses the author's healing journey, specifically the role of somatic healing in her recovery from childhood sexual abuse.
2. Q: Can you elaborate on the author's experiences with somatic healing?
A: The author discusses how much of her healing took place while she was a student at Oberlin College, and how she found empowerment in the larger social context of surviving abuse. She shares her experiences with body-oriented therapy and the role it played in helping her work the trauma out of her body. The author discusses the physical and emotional effects of the abuse, including the storage of trauma in different parts of her body, such as her thighs and chest. She shares her experiences with dissociation and freezing during the abuse, and the relief she found in somatic release. The author also discusses the connection between her healing process and the healing processes of survivors of other forms of trauma, such as war veterans and Holocaust survivors. She shares her experiences with the emergence of her sexuality from a new place in her, and the challenges she faced in untangling her sexual response from the abuse. The author also discusses the role of sexual energy in her recovery.

Response:
#  Somatic Healing

Much of my healing took place while I was a student at Oberlin College. It was a gift to find myself in the center of such a politicized and socially aware community. I knew that I was not alone in surviving abuse. When I couldn't heal for myself, I healed to make a difference for the future. Brave women before me had survived sexual assault and had made my life easier by their choices. I wanted to be a part of that chain of hope for others. Having that larger social context in which to see my abuse was very empowering. I organized the first incest survivors' group on campus and formed a student activist group to deal with the college's inadequate response to rape on campus. I advocated for government financial support for incest survivors and won grants to fund survivors' recovery resources.

Early on in recovery, I worked with someone who practiced body-oriented therapy. I am so grateful to her. She helped me work the trauma out of my body and opened my emotional life to me again.

The abuse seemed to pour out of my body. The more I reconnected with my body, the clearer I became about what trauma was stored where. My thighs retained rage. Moving my thighs and kicking my legs allowed me to begin expressing my anger. My chest held much of the deep grief. Where my body had been pinned or frozen during the abuse, I now began to move. How many times had I wanted to push someone off of me and couldn't? I learned how to let my arms and body do that. The relief was incredible. The process was painful. I was coming back to me. I started to identify my body not only as a shell that housed my "self" but as a source of wisdom and inspiration. My body actually knew things about the healing process that I didn't. In the thawing out, I got to live inside myself again.

Since then, I've learned that the somatic processes I went through are consistent with processes of survivors of all forms of trauma. War veterans, Holocaust survivors, and even victims of severe auto accidents experience similar processes of dissociation and freezing or holding in the body. The somatic release of these holdings allows us to process and complete trauma.

Through the healing, my sexuality emerged from a new place in me. It became less and less about how sex was supposed to look and more about my own experience of sex and desire. I had been quite sexually active during my two years of running from the healing process, but I could not really be present while having sex. I was going ninety miles an hour in my own head. I didn't know how to say what I wanted and didn't really know I had permission to do so. As I healed, this changed. My own sexual interests and preferences emerged from beneath the incest. I began to date women—and I have been sexual with women since then. The more the trauma poured out of me, the more I filled me in.

As may be the case for you, sex triggered me. I would be having a fine time and suddenly find myself feeling afraid, used, and abused. As I got turned on, images of the abuse appeared; it became impossible to separate then from now. My sexual response had become intermingled with abuse and betrayal. So when I experienced one, the other followed. Untangling these became my project. I would make lists to differentiate them: "What is sex?" "What is abuse?"

I slowly learned to keep myself present, allowing myself to practice sexual turn-ons that were connected to my body and my pleasure. I felt a lot of shame and guilt. Am I allowed pleasure? If I like sex now, does it mean I wanted the abuse? Can I be the one who says what kind of touch and sex I want? I continued to release the trauma from my body. What was caught in me that I wanted to express? How could I live deeply inside of me? As I healed, it dawned on me that sexual energy was a positive and powerful force in my own recovery.


Input:
   1. Q: What is the focus of this section?
A: This section discusses the author's experiences working at Good Vibrations, a sex-positive retail store and education center. The author discusses the challenges and rewards of working in a sex-positive environment as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.
2. Q: Can you elaborate on the author's experiences at Good Vibrations?
A: The author discusses her time working at Good Vibrations from 1991 to 1995, and the growth of the company during that time. She shares her experiences learning about sex and sexuality at Good Vibrations, and the role it played in normalizing sex for her after her experiences with childhood sexual abuse. The author also discusses the challenges she faced as a manager at Good Vibrations, including being caught between two worlds: the world of survivors and the world of sex-positive educators. She discusses the mistrust and disdain that survivors who openly liked sex faced in the survivors' community, and the lack of discussion about sexual violence and the effects of childhood sexual abuse among sex educators. The author also shares her experiences educating the educators about the effects of childhood sexual abuse on adult sexuality.

Response:
#  Good Vibrations

From 1991 to 1995, I worked at Good Vibrations, the "clean well-lighted place for sex toys." Joanie Blank founded Good Vibrations in 1977 to provide a place for women to purchase sex toys and have access to positive and accurate information about sex and their own sexuality. Her small one-room retail space with a staff of three has grown into two retail stores, a Web site and mail-order operation, and a workforce that can barely fit into the staff photo in the front of the catalog. Moreover, Good Vibrations has become a leader in the field of sex education.

This was a great experience for me as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, albeit challenging and triggering at times. Through my experience and training at Good Vibrations, I learned more about sex than I even knew I wanted to know. Where incest had taught me the most destructive uses of sex, here I sat amid a plethora of sex-positive information. Sex became normalized for me. All of this sex-positivity balanced the scales. Now I knew both the worst and the best of sex.

As a manager at Good Vibrations, however, I found myself caught repeatedly between two worlds: the world of survivors, hurt and at times paranoid about sex, and the world of sex-positive educators, many of whom did not want to hear about the negative uses of sex or the effects of sexual abuse.

Many in the survivors' community were afraid of sex and thought the best they could hope for would be something slightly better than just tolerating it. Survivors who liked sex and who spoke openly about it were met with mistrust and even, at times, disdain. It was assumed that they were "acting out" their sexual abuse. Pleasure was suspect. To me, it seemed to boil down to no trust in sex. Understandable, but not the recovery I hoped for.

Among sex educators, there was little talk of sexual violence or the sexual contradictions experienced by women who have been sexually violated. In a culture where sex is simultaneously vilified and used to sell you everything you can think of, confusion and negativity about sex is rampant. The call to sex-positivity and women's sexual self-definition was welcome. Still, I found myself educating the educators about the effects of childhood sexual abuse on adult sexuality. One colleague went so far as to suggest that incest itself wasn't the problem, that it was the cultural taboo surrounding incest that was harmful. No, no, no!


Input:
    1. Q: What is the focus of this section?
A: This section discusses the author's experiences as a bridge between survivors and professionals who work with them, and sex-positive sex educators. The author expresses her longing for a place where she can discuss all aspects of sex, sexual abuse, and the healing powers of consensual adult sexuality. She shares how the opportunity to write a series of articles for On Our Backs magazine led to the beginning of this book. The author also addresses that the book is written for women survivors of childhood sexual abuse, but that male survivors and non-survivors will also find the tools and resources useful.
2. Q: Can you elaborate on the author's role as a bridge between survivors and sex educators?
A: The author discusses how she became a bridge between survivors and professionals who work with them, and sex-positive sex educators. She talks about her experiences talking about sex with survivors and professionals, and talking about childhood sexual abuse with sex educators. The author also expresses her longing for a place where she can discuss all aspects of sex, sexual abuse, and the healing powers of consensual adult sexuality. She shares how the opportunity to write a series of articles for On Our Backs magazine led to the beginning of this book.
3. Q: Can you elaborate on the author's experiences writing for On Our Backs magazine?
A: The author discusses how she was asked to write a series of articles for On Our Backs magazine in 1995. She shares how Felice Newman, co-publisher of Cleis Press, read her first article and called her, leading to the beginning of this book.
4. Q: Can you elaborate on the intended audience for this book?
A: The author addresses that the book is written for women survivors of childhood sexual abuse, but that male survivors and non-survivors will also find the tools and resources useful. The book aims to provide a refreshing antidote to the sex-negativity of our culture.

Response:
#  Educating the Educators

So I became a bridge, talking about sex with survivors and professionals who worked with them, and talking about childhood sexual abuse with sex-positive sex educators. To me, sexual empowerment seemed a normal outgrowth of healing childhood sexual abuse, and working to end the sexual abuse of children an obvious banner for the sex-positive community to fly.

I found myself longing for a place where I could talk about all of it: sex, sexual abuse, rape and its effects on sex, and the glory and healing powers of consensual adult sexuality and embodiment. I wanted to have conversations that went further than the ABCs of childhood sexual abuse ("Yes, it really does happen, and yes, it really does hurt the child, and yes, most often the abuser is someone close to the child") or the ABCs of sex education ("Yes, sex really is a natural part of being human, and yes, there are words for 'down there,' and yes, you are allowed to ask for what you want sexually"). The opportunity came when On Our Backs magazine asked me to write a series of articles in 1995. Felice Newman, co-publisher of Cleis Press, read my first article and called me. Thus, the beginning of this book.

The Survivor's Guide to Sex is written for women survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Male survivors of abuse will find the tools and resources useful for their recovery as well. Survivors and non-survivors alike will find the embodiment approach to sexual recovery a refreshing antidote to the sex-negativity of our culture.


Input:
 1. Q: What is the author's perspective on sexual healing for survivors of childhood sexual abuse?
A: The author sees sexual healing as the cornerstone of empowerment for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. She believes that once survivors allow pleasure and embodied sexual pleasure into their lives, they can take back control over their bodies and declare their lives as their own. The author emphasizes the importance of embodiment and the power of reclaiming one's own sexuality as a means of societal healing and as a way for survivors to become more powerful contributors to their families, communities, and the world.
2. Q: What is the role of embodiment in the author's perspective on sexual healing?
A: The author sees embodiment and the power of reclaiming one's own sexuality as a crucial aspect of societal healing. She suggests that people who are embodied are less likely to abuse children or stand by while others do so. The author emphasizes the importance of waking up somatically and reoccupying one's body as a means of healing and becoming a more powerful contributor to one's family, community, and the world.
3. Q: What quote does the author include in this section of the story?
A: The author includes a quote from Emilie Conrad, the founder of Continuum, a somatic approach, at a recent International Conference on Somatics. Conrad states, "The more you are in your own experience, sensations, your own body, the less some external or authoritarian system can control you."
4. Q: What is the author's vision behind this book?
A: The author's vision behind this book is to end the sexual abuse of children and build a world that is welcoming, safe, and respectful of their humanity. She sees embodiment and the power of reclaiming one's own sexuality as a crucial aspect of this societal healing. The author also emphasizes the importance of creating a space where survivors can discuss all aspects of sex, sexual abuse, and the healing powers of consensual adult sexuality.
5. Q: What is the intended audience for this book?
A: The intended audience for this book is women survivors of childhood sexual abuse who are ready to begin their journey to sexual healing. However, the author also addresses that male survivors and non-survivors will also find the tools and resources useful.
6. Q: What is the author's message to survivors of childhood sexual abuse?
A: The author congratulates survivors of childhood sexual abuse who are ready to begin their journey to sexual healing. She also emphasizes that survivors are more powerful than what happened to them and wishes them a satisfying, embodied sex life that is their own lovely creation.

Note: I hope this detailed prompt helps you understand the context and focus of this section of the story. If you have any further questions or need clarification, please let me know.

Response:
#  A Path Through the Wreckage

Miraculously, most survivors want to find a path through the wreckage of sexual trauma to sexual enjoyment. And why not? Sex is a fundamental human drive, one that brings pleasure, delight, ease, connection, and embodiment into our lives. I see sexual healing as the cornerstone of empowerment for the hundreds and thousands of us who have been sexually molested as children. For most survivors to allow pleasure, much less embodied sexual pleasure, into their lives is a feat. Once you begin to reclaim and re-embody sexually, you can enter the place of trauma and relinquish its control over you. You can bring peace and vitality back into your life.

At a recent International Conference on Somatics, Emilie Conrad, the founder of Continuum, a somatic approach, said, "The more you are in your own experience, sensations, your own body, the less some external or authoritarian system can control you."

Behind this book is a vision of ending the sexual abuse of children and building a world that it welcoming, safe, and respectful of their humanity. Embodiment and the power of reclaiming your own sexuality are both a part of this societal healing. People who are embodied—not dissociated nor anesthetized—are much less likely to abuse children or stand by while others abuse them.

As a somatics practitioner, I have watched survivors return to the sensations and intelligence of their bodies as a place of healing. This book is filled with information, suggestions, and exercises to help you reoccupy your body. Waking up somatically will make you more aware of yourself and your surroundings. You will become a more powerful contributor to your family, your community, and the world.

I see sexual healing as the cornerstone of empowerment for the hundreds and thousands of us who have been sexually molested as children. For most survivors to allow pleasure, much less embodied sexual pleasure, into their lives is a feat. Once you begin to reclaim and re-embody sexually, you can take back the very ground of attack. You are returning to the center of a war zone and declaring the territory yours. You get to own your life.

I see our capacity to recover as extraordinary. I have met so many survivors—close friends, somatics clients, the women who are quoted in this book—who have been resilient through extreme abuse. The more stories I hear, the more I am stunned by the extent of the sexual abuse of children and the more I am awed be the regenerative power of our spirits and humanity.

If you are a survivor of childhood sexual abuse ready to begin this journey, congratulations! I hope that this book brings you healing along with pleasure, hope, and laughter. I wish you a satisfying, embodied sex life, a life that is your own lovely creation. You are more powerful than what happened to you.

San Francisco

May 1999


Input:
1. Q: What is the focus of this section of the story?
A: The focus of this section of the story is to encourage survivors of childhood sexual abuse to consider their sexual well-being and the benefits of sexual healing. The author asks leading questions to help survivors assess their current relationship with their sexuality and to identify what they want to gain from the healing process. The author also includes a quote from a survivor named Hannah, who shares her experience of deciding to embark on the journey of sexual healing.
2. Q: What questions does the author ask to help survivors assess their current relationship with their sexuality?
A: The author asks survivors if their sexuality is a healthy and integrated part of them, if they can talk easily about sex, their sexual desires, and their sexual healing and needs, and if they are able to know and communicate their sexual boundaries.
3. Q: What is the purpose of asking these questions?
A: The purpose of asking these questions is to help survivors identify their current relationship with their sexuality and to assess whether they are ready to embark on the journey of sexual healing.
4. Q: Why is it important to know why you want to embark on the journey of sexual healing?
A: It is important to know why you want to embark on the journey of sexual healing because it can help you stay motivated and committed to the process. Knowing what you want to gain from healing sexually can also help you set realistic goals and expectations for the journey ahead.
5. Q: What is the intended audience for this book?
A: The intended audience for this book is women survivors of childhood sexual abuse who are ready to begin their journey to sexual healing. However, the author also addresses that male survivors and non-survivors will also find the tools and resources useful.
6. Q: What is the author's message to survivors of childhood sexual abuse in this section of the story?
A: The author's message to survivors of childhood sexual abuse in this section of the story is that it is important to consider their sexual well-being and the benefits of sexual healing. The author encourages survivors to assess their current relationship with their sexuality and to identify what they want to gain from the healing process. The author also includes a quote from a survivor named Hannah, who shares her experience of deciding to embark on the journey of sexual healing.

Note: I hope this detailed prompt helps you understand the context and focus of this section of the story. If you have any further questions or need clarification, please let me know.

Response:
#  The Choice to Heal

Is your sexuality a healthy and integrated part of you? Can you talk easily about sex, your sexual desires, and your sexual healing and needs? Are you able to know and communicate your sexual boundaries?

These are admittedly leading questions. Many survivors do not have a good reference point for their own sexual well-being and pleasure. And why should you? Childhood sexual abuse is not what you might call positive input about sex or your own sexuality. To begin this process of sexual recovery it is vital to know why you want to embark on this journey. What do you want to gain from healing sexually? How do you want your sex life to be different?

> > It took me a long time to decide to heal sexually. I kept thinking, "Why go through all of that? Sex, I can take it or leave it." But something kept tugging at me, like a part of me wanted to be whole again.
>
> Hannah


Input:
 Here is a possible prompt for the above section of the story:

Prompt: Write a section for a nonfiction book called "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that discusses the motivations for sexual healing. Include the following points:

* Explain why survivors might want to heal sexually and what they might gain from it.
* Include a quote from a survivor named Kathy who talks about her initial motivations for healing and how they evolved.
* Discuss the importance of having positive motivations for healing, rather than negative ones.
* Provide examples of positive motivations for sexual healing.
* Include a quote from a survivor named Sheila who talks about her experience of healing for the wrong reasons.
* Emphasize that survivors do not need to have a sexual partner to engage in sexual healing and that the exercises in the book apply whether they are partnered or single.
* Reiterate the potential benefits of sexual healing and the importance of reclaiming this aspect of oneself.

Note: The above prompt is just a suggestion and can be modified to better suit the tone and style of the book.

Response:
##  Motivations for Healing

So why heal sexually, anyway? What do you want in your sex life that you do not have now? What would it be like to not find triggers around every corner? To fully experience sexual pleasure and expression? Ask yourself these questions.

> > What motivated me initially is that I couldn't say "no." I was having sex with people I did not want to have sex with, looking for attention and acknowledgment through sex. At first I just wanted and needed to stop doing this; then, slowly it began to dawn on me that I could actually have sex based on what I wanted and needed. That I could have sex that I liked.
>
> Kathy

Some motivations for healing will sustain you through the process better than others. Deciding to heal because you think you are "bad" or "dirty" or believe something is "wrong" with you won't necessarily serve your cause. Most folks eventually tune out negative motivations —or rebel against them. Developing a positive motivation is more sustaining and will give you a vision to work toward. If you are unable to think of positive motivations, ask a friend or support person to help you brainstorm at least three positive reasons to heal sexually. Many survivors want to heal to save their relationship or please their partner. Perhaps your partner wants to have sex but you don't. While sex is an important part of any intimate partnership, you need to develop motivations that are just for you. Pressure from a partner can make it difficult to tell whether you are really making a choice. Encouragement is wonderful, but you still have to want to do this work. You will not speed up the healing process by having sex that is forced, dissociated, or checked out.

> Positive Motivations for Sexual Healing
>
>> • I want to gain a freedom in my body. I want to be able to move, make noise, and express myself fully.
>
>> • I want to heal the shame that runs my sex life so that I feel relaxed and excited during sex.
>
>> • I want to enjoy touching myself.
>
>> • I want my body back, all the way.
>
>> • I want pleasure and being present in my sex life to be the norm, instead of fear and checking out.
>
>> • I want to have sex in the ways I am interested in. I want to be more courageous sexually.
>
>> • I want to be able to respect and communicate my sexual boundaries.
>
>> • I want to learn that I am loved for me and not for sex alone.
>
>> • I want to be make my own sexual choices.
>
>> • I want to have sex and intimacy at the same time.

> > I didn't want him to leave me. He had been so good through this whole mess, I just wanted to please him. The sex wasn't even good when I just did it for him, but at least I was giving him sex, I thought. I couldn't "heal" just to make him stay, though. It was only when I tuned into how my life could be different, how I might feel more positively about myself, that I made any progress in sex.
>
> Sheila

Last, you do not need to have a sexual partner to be actively sexual. Nor does sexual healing have to wait for a lover. The concepts and exercises outlined in this book apply to you whether you are partnered or single. Many people do much of their sexual healing work on their own and then move into a relationship with new tools and knowledge.

The decision to heal sexually is a choice to reclaim an aspect of yourself that has been wounded and used. It is a choice to make whole again a very powerful and vital aspect of your being. This process can be extremely uncomfortable, yet it can give you amazing freedom, pleasure, and satisfaction. It can give you you back.


Input:
  Here is a possible prompt for the above section of the story:

Prompt: Write a section for a nonfiction book called "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that discusses the concept of safety and sexual healing for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Include the following points:

* Explain why safety is an important concept for survivors of childhood sexual abuse, even if it may seem foreign or difficult to understand.
* Include a quote from a survivor named Carla who expresses her difficulty in reconciling the idea of safety with sexual activity.
* Discuss how the experience of childhood sexual abuse can undermine the development of a sense of safety in various aspects of a survivor's life, including their sexuality.
* Include a quote from a survivor named Rona who describes her attempts to control her safety as a child.
* Emphasize that children have no control over their safety during abuse, and that they were manipulated, coerced, threatened, and forced into it.
* Explain why a sense of safety is necessary for survivors to engage in their sexual healing and take on new challenges.
* Ask the reader how they know when they are safe.

Note: The above prompt is just a suggestion and can be modified to better suit the tone and style of the book.

Response:
#  Safety and Sexual Healing

Safety is an odd concept for most survivors of childhood sexual abuse. I'm usually met with raised eyebrows when I ask survivors about feeling safe and being sexual. Incest and childhood sexual abuse are frightening experiences that undermine the development of your sense of safety in yourself, your body, your relationships, your sexuality, and the world.

> > When it comes to sex, I am terrified. People talk about safety, and I can't relate to that. Feeling safe and having sex seem to live in two separate worlds.
>
> Carla

Safety is complicated for survivors. During the abuse your safety was out of your hands. If you could have done anything to make it stop, you would have. Really. The intelligent mistake you, like most survivors, probably made as a kid was thinking that you had some control over your safety. You didn't. Children are manipulated, coerced, threatened, and forced into sexual abuse, sometimes under the guise of love.

> > I thought if I could just be good enough, smart enough, nice enough, perfect enough that I could keep me and my brother safe. It never worked. I never succeeded. I am not really sure what else to do to be safe.
>
> Rona

What's tricky is that now you need to develop a sense of safety to move into your sexual healing. Without a sense of safety, you cannot engage your sexuality. You especially can't take on new challenges and growth if you don't feel safe. How do you know when you are safe?


Input:
 Here is a possible prompt for the above section of the story:

Prompt: Write a section for a nonfiction book called "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that further explores the concept of safety and sexual healing for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Include the following points:

* Explain that people often associate safety with a "feeling" of being safe, but that this is not always reliable, especially for trauma survivors.
* Emphasize that while feeling safe is important, it does not necessarily provide a reliable indicator of whether or not a situation is safe.
* Provide a list of questions that survivors can ask themselves to assess their safety in a given situation. These questions should cover various aspects of safety, such as physical safety, emotional safety, and autonomy.
* Explain that answering these questions in a positive way does not necessarily mean that the survivor will feel comfortable or safe, as sexual healing can be a scary process.
* Emphasize that survivors have the power to make their own choices and take care of themselves in safe situations.
* Highlight the distinction between feeling safe and being empowered to make decisions about one's own well-being.

Note: The above prompt is just a suggestion and can be modified to better suit the tone and style of the book.

Response:
##  What Is Safety?

Most people think of safety as a "feeling" of being safe. While this is one way to judge safety, it is not always reliable. You can be in a very safe situation and feel unsafe because you are dealing with an aspect of your abuse. Or, because you are a trauma survivor, you may be in an unsafe situation and feel just fine. While feeling safe is important, it does not necessarily give you reliable ground upon which to determine if you are safe, or safe enough to proceed.

WHAT TELLS YOU THAT YOU ARE SAFE?

When checking in on your safety in a given situation, consider the following:

> • How do you feel in your body? Do you feel safe, scared, unsettled?

> • Is your physical environment safe and free of violence and abuse? (No one is hitting, kicking, punching, or pushing you. No one is calling you names or threatening you or anyone you care about.)

> • Does your partner, lover, or friend consider your needs, wants, and desires as important and relevant as his or her own?

> • Can your partner, lover, or friend really meet your needs? Does he or she have the know-how, the tools, and the good intention?

> • Do you have the power in this situation to act upon your own behalf? To take care of yourself fully?

> • Are you making your own choices? Not being pressured, pushed, or manipulated?

Asking yourself these questions gives you a way to assess whether or not you are safe—even when you do not necessarily feel safe.

Being safe and feeling comfortable are not the same thing. You might be able to answer the above questions in a way that lets you know you are safe, but still find that you feel afraid and uncomfortable. Sexual healing does not always feel safe; in fact, it can feel downright scary.

While you didn't have power as a child to act on your own behalf and take care of yourself, you do now. You get to decide whether or not a situation is safe for you and then decide what to do about it. When you are safe, you are able to make your own choices. You are empowered to take care of yourself.


Input:
 Prompt: Write a section for a nonfiction book called "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that focuses on building an internal sense of safety for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Include the following points:

* Explain that safety is an "inside job" once external safety has been handled
* Discuss the damage that sexual abuse can cause to a survivor's ability to relax and let down their guard
* Include a quote from a survivor who still feels a sense of danger even in safe situations
* Provide instructions for developing an internal sense of safety by focusing on bodily sensations
* Suggest that survivors look for a place in their body where they feel peace, strength, or well-being, and describe the literal sensations associated with these feelings
* Offer an alternative for those who cannot find a place of comfort in their body, suggesting that they focus on something outside of themselves that brings feelings of well-being
* Encourage survivors to practice making these sensations smaller and bigger, and to notice them often in order to build an internalized sense of safety or resourcefulness
* Emphasize that noticing these sensations does not make other feelings or triggers go away, but provides a safe place to approach them from

Note: The above prompt is just a suggestion and can be modified to better suit the tone and style of the book.

Response:
##  Building a Sense of Internal Safety

When you have had little sense of true safety in your life, how do you go about building some? Once your external safety has been handled, safety becomes an inside job. You can develop a sense of internal safety, a way of feeling in your body that lets you know you are okay and that everything is all right. This ability to relax or let down your guard is often what was so damaged through sexual abuse. Even when your relationships and the world you have built around you are safe, you may feel like you are never really safe. Most trauma survivors experience this feeling of low-level, insistent, persistent danger.

> > Mentally I know that I am safe now. I mean, stuff happens in the world, I may
>  get shot or raped. But given that I am in a safe home and safe relationships and
>  have taken self-defense, my odds even of that are low. So why is it that I feel I
>  am always watching on some level? If I come off guard, I think that will be the
>  moment they have been waiting for to attack me. I'd rather get attacked when
>  I have my defenses up. I don't think I could bear trusting again and being
>  attacked when I am relaxed.
>
>
> Maggie

To build an internal sense of safety, let's look to your body. What sensations do you feel there? Notice temperature, pressure, and movement. Notice sensation all over your body, front and back, inside and out, top and bottom. Do you feel warmth in your legs? Cool feet? Tension in your stomach? Tingling inside your head? Are you feeling blocked or rigid in your chest?

Now, look for a place in your body where you feel a sense of peace, strength, or well-being. Do you feel strength in the palms of your hands? A sense of well-being in your right hip? Where do you feel your body comfortably settling? A sense of openness or spaciousness? Look for the literal sensations. What are they?

If you are unable to find a place in your body where you experience comfort, find something you like outside of your body. Think of your favorite animal, a beautiful color, a person you love, a place in nature, or something you love to do, like singing, skiing, or surfing. Notice what happens in your body. Does a smile come across your face? A feeling of warmth spread across your chest or back? Maybe your hips relax and get warm. These sensations are the building blocks for your sense of internal well-being. You can call these your sensations of safety or pleasure, well-being, or resourcefulness. These are what we will use in building a strong internalized sense of safety.

Bring your attention back to these sensations again. Have they changed at all? Sensations in the body are alive and shifting all the time. Place your attention on your body and look openly at where you feel those resourceful sensations now. What are those sensations like? Are they moving?

Now practice making those sensations smaller. Can you shrink them down? And bigger. Can you expand that warmth or spaciousness? What is it like to sit and breathe with these resourceful sensations for thirty seconds? Try this now. I will ask you throughout the book to call forth these sensations of safety. The more you notice them, the more apparent and present they will become. Noticing these sensations does not make other sensations, feelings of fear and anger, or triggers go away; rather, it gives you a safe place to approach them from. By accessing these sensations again and again, you can build an internalized sense of safety or resourcefulness to return to when facing challenging moments in your healing—or even when you are having sex.


Input:
 Prompt: Write a section for a nonfiction book called "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that discusses the various factors that will affect a survivor's sexual healing process. Include the following points:

* Explain that the healing process will be influenced by the specific abuse experienced, the perpetrators involved, and the quality of support available then and now
* Discuss the role that misinformation or lack of information about sex plays in the healing process
* Emphasize the impact of cultural, class, and religious backgrounds on a survivor's journey
* Mention the influence of social bias and oppression
* Encourage readers to expect a wide range of emotions during the healing process, such as terror, rage, grief, guilt, excitement, pleasure, and desire
* Explain that issues and emotions thought to be dealt with in the past may resurface during the healing process
* Address the importance of boundaries, consent, dissociation, and triggers in the work of sexual healing
* Provide examples of survivors' experiences, including challenges and successes, to illustrate the various aspects of the healing process
* Emphasize that the healing process will likely proceed at an uneven pace, with periods of intense focus and periods of rest
* Note that a survivor's healing process may require attention to other aspects of their life at time

Response:
#  What's Down This Road, Anyway?

Your sexual healing process will be affected by many factors, including the particular abuse you experienced, who the perpetrators were, and the quality of support available to you then and now. The information or misinformation you have received about sex will also come into play. Your cultural, class, and religious background will help frame the uniqueness of your journey. If you were raised Catholic, you will have a different set of issues to grapple with than someone raised in a non-religious household. Your experiences of social bias and oppression add to the mix.

> > The pain and uncertainty of incest felt very much like the insecurities of being a person of color, a woman, and gay in this culture. The result is disempowerment.
>
> Lee

Expect to experience a gamut of emotions. Terror, rage, grief, and guilt will have their turns alongside new types of excitement, pleasure, and desire. Issues and emotions that you thought you had dealt with long ago may arise. At times you may feel like you are going backward. Do not be discouraged. This is normal in the sexual healing process. Because you are now healing the very arena in which you were abused, issues of boundaries, consent, dissociation, and triggers are necessarily a part of the work.

> > As I began to focus on being sexual and recovering this part of me, I found
>  myself dealing with being afraid of people again and not being able to sit still.
>  These seemed unrelated to my sexual healing at first, but they were just a new
>  layer of fears to work through in being more sexual.
>
>
> Jeanie
>
>> I have worked a lot on being able to stay present and not disappear, and I have made a lot of progress. The hardest part of sexual healing is dealing with how I shut down. Staying present during sex is a whole new thing.
>
> Terri

You can think of sexual healing as graduate-level recovery.

> > Although I remembered my sexual abuse during sex, and remained sexually active throughout most of my process, I am seven years into my healing and just now getting into the real stuff of sex. I am now giving myself permission to really express myself sexually, learning to be in my body during sex, and getting a glimpse of what intimacy and sex combined could be like.
>
> Danielle

Your healing process will most likely proceed at an uneven pace. You'll find there will be times of intense focus and times of rest. Sometimes you just have to attend to other aspects of your life. You'll develop a rhythm of moving into and then back out of the work of sexual healing.


Input:
 Prompt: Write a section for a nonfiction book called "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that discusses the challenging aspects of dealing with contradictions in the healing process. Include the following points:

* Address the possibility that survivors may find aspects of the abuse to be physically pleasurable and emphasize that this does not make them bad, wrong, or to blame
* Explain the importance of acknowledging and forgiving oneself for normal sexual and sensual responses during abuse
* Provide examples of survivors' experiences, including challenges and successes, related to coming to terms with physical pleasure during abuse
* Discuss instances where survivors may have engaged in nonconsensual sex play with other children or animals as a result of their own abuse
* Emphasize the role of guilt and shame in these experiences and the importance of facing them as part of the healing and self-forgiveness process
* Acknowledge that survivors may enjoy certain sexual acts now that were perpetrated on them as children and dislike others
* Explain that survivors may experience simultaneous attraction and repulsion towards certain fantasies related to their abuse
* Discuss the impact of abuse on a survivor's sexual desires, fantasies, and responses
* Highlight the importance of returning choice and consent to a survivor's sex life and allowing oneself to discover what they enjoy sexually
* Provide examples of survivors' experiences, including challenges and successes, related to reclaiming their sexual desires and addressing self-blame and guilt in the recovery proce

Response:
##  Hot Spots in Healing

Along the way, you may have to grapple with some difficult contradictions. You may find that there are aspects of the abuse that were physically pleasurable to you. You may have come to orgasm during the abuse, or you may have loved the attention you received. Your perpetrators may have deliberately turned you on. You are not bad, wrong, or to blame. Sexual and sensual response is normal and healthy. Your body and sexuality did not betray you; your perpetrators did.

> > My orgasms have been very hard to come by. My abuser brought me to orgasm as part of his game. I have had to practice forgiving myself over and over again, just acknowledging that my body responded like any healthy body would.
>
> Shandell

You may have engaged in nonconsensual sex play with other children. Sometimes children who are being abused act out the abuse on other children or even pets. This may have been sexually arousing or erotic to you, and you may carry feelings of guilt and shame. Facing each of these experiences is part of the healing and self-forgiveness required to free yourself.

> > My family would hang out with my younger cousins in the summer. The second year my dad was abusing me, I started touching my cousins. It's like I was trying to work out on them what was happening to me.
>
> Dede

You may enjoy some sexual acts now that were perpetrated on you as a child and dislike others. You may be simultaneously attracted to and repulsed by certain fantasies related to your abuse. Your sexual desires, fantasies, and sexual responses are affected by the abuses you suffered as well as other personal, family, and social influences in your life. One of the most important factors in sexual healing is returning choice and consent to your sex life. Allowing yourself to discover what you like and enjoy sexually, and mending the self-blame and guilt that so often permeate desire, are both parts of the process of recovery.

> > I felt guilt for a long time about enjoying anal sex. I thought I was "acting out" the abuse because he raped me like that, and because it is unconventional, I think. Now I realize that I just like it. It feels good to me. I don't think I am acting out by liking kissing, and he did that, too.
>
> Marty


Input:
 Prompt: Write a section for a nonfiction book called "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that emphasizes the importance of support in the healing process for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Include the following points:

* Explain that healing cannot be achieved alone and support is essential
* Discuss the role isolation plays in childhood sexual abuse and the consequences it has for adult survivors
* Emphasize that coming out of isolation involves forming relationships
* Point out the challenges of seeking support in sexual healing, as it involves breaking a double taboo by discussing both childhood sexual abuse and sex
* Acknowledge that most people, regardless of their history, have healing to do in the area of sexuality
* Explain the relief that comes with discussing sex and sexual healing openly
* Define support as consisting of both self-care and a community to be held by
* Begin by discussing the importance of self-care in the healing proce

Response:
#  Somebody to Lean On: Self-Care and Support

You didn't get hurt alone, and you can't heal alone. Support is essential to any healing process. Isolation plays a key role in childhood sexual abuse. Most children never tell what is happening to them, and many who do tell are not believed or given adequate support. Adult survivors tend to continue to live in isolation. Coming out of isolation means coming into relationships. This, in and of itself, is a part of healing sexually.

Gaining support in your sexual healing breaks a double taboo. You will be talking not only about childhood sexual abuse but also about sex. While sex is overexposed in the media, we don't often sit down and tell each other the truth about our sex lives. Most people, survivors or not, have healing to do in the area of sexuality. The upside of this is that most people are relieved to talk about sex and sexual healing once someone else raises the topic. They, too, are glad to explore what is so often left unexamined.

Support includes both self-care and a community to be held by. Let's start with self-care.


Input:
 Prompt: Write a section for a nonfiction book called "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that focuses on the fundamentals of self-care in the process of healing sexually. Include the following points:

* Explain the importance of self-care and its role in building a foundation for healing
* Discuss the different aspects of self-care, such as physical, emotional, financial, spiritual, family, relationships, career, sexuality, and healing
* Emphasize the importance of eating well, including two to three good meals a day with plenty of fruits, vegetables, and protein
* Explain the benefits of drinking at least eight glasses of water a day and getting seven to ten hours of sleep per night
* Encourage incorporating pleasure into one's life and practicing self-care activities at least once per week
* Discuss the importance of movement for physical and emotional health, and encourage embodiment during these activities
* Explain the importance of breathing properly, lower in the body, and noticing when one is holding their breath or breathing shallowly
* Encourage treating oneself with dignity, handling oneself with care and respect
* Emphasize the importance of acknowledging oneself for the steps taken in healing
* Discuss the importance of solitude and making time for oneself weekly
* Encourage incorporating spirituality or meditation into one's life for sustenance, discipline, and learning to notice emotional processes
* Address the issue of addictions, such as alcohol, drugs, food, and self-deprivation, and urge seeking help for substance abuse problems
* Provide examples of real-life experiences of survivors dealing with substance abuse related to sexual abuse and healing

Response:
##  Self-Care

Learning to care for yourself well is a lifelong journey. Your needs will change over time, and you will get better at it with practice. There are many different aspects of yourself to take care of: your body, your emotional and mental well-being, your financial life, your spiritual life, your family and relationships, your mission or meaning in life, your career, your sexuality, and your healing.

Here I am going to focus on the fundamentals of self-care. Attending to these fundamentals will give you a foundation to build upon during the challenging and exciting times of healing sexually.

EAT, DRINK, SLEEP, AND BE MERRY

Eating well can be a challenge for many survivors. Aim for two to three good meals a day, including plenty of fruits, vegetables, and protein. Drinking at least eight glasses of water a day will help your body flush out toxins that are released in the process of deep emotional work. Sleep regularly, seven to ten hours a night. And include pleasure in your life. What makes you smile or laugh? What brings that sense of warmth or comfort to your body? Perhaps you enjoy petting your cat, dancing, feeling the warmth of the sun, taking a luxurious hot bath… Do something pleasurable at least once per week. Notice your enjoyment.

LET YOUR BODY MOVE

Movement, including walking, biking, aerobic workouts, dancing, or running, can have a profound effect on your physical and emotional health. Movement oxygenates your body and increases your circulation. This helps in the process of healing and in relaxing. Whatever movement you choose, practice being "in" your body while you do it. Use this as a time to feel your breath and body sensations, rather than a time for checking out. This will assist you in being more embodied during all your activities, especially sex.

BREATHE

Breathing seems obvious, but it is not. Drop your breath lower in your body so that your diaphragm and chest move when you breathe. Notice when you are holding your breath, or breathing shallowly, and breathe deeply again.

TREAT YOURSELF WITH DIGNITY

How do you talk to yourself? Do you handle yourself with care and respect? Imagine how you would speak to a young child or a friend who is feeling afraid. You would not yell at her or tell her how stupid she is. Rather, you would be comforting, offering support and guidance. How you treat yourself internally is as important as what you do on the outside.

GIVE YOURSELF LOTS OF ACKNOWLEDGMENT

No one ever died from over-acknowledgment. Actively acknowledge yourself for your steps in healing. Notice all the risks you are taking, and give yourself support and kudos.

MAKE TIME FOR SOLITUDE

Solitude is also important to self-care. Make time for yourself weekly. You can use the time to write in a journal, sit quietly, do art work, meditate, or whatever else serves your process.

INCORPORATE SPIRITUALITY IN YOUR LIFE

Many people also incorporate a spiritual practice or meditation into their lives. A spiritual practice can offer sustenance and a larger perspective to rest within. Meditation can be an excellent way to touch base with yourself, develop discipline, and learn to notice your own emotional processes. It is also a good way to learn to notice what is happening in your body, and to feel centered and at peace with yourself.

DEAL WITH ADDICTIONS: ALCOHOL, DRUGS, FOOD, SELF-DEPRIVATION

Many survivors have used food, alcohol, drugs, or self-deprivation as a means of coping with the sexual abuse. Many also use these substances to try to deal with sex. Some survivors cannot be sexual without getting high.

> > I couldn't have sex unless I was drunk or high. I would feel too out of control and triggered. The alcohol and drugs numbed that all out and gave me a kind of confidence. I had a lot of sex that I wouldn't really want to have today, though.
>
> Lourdes
>
>> I used drugs and alcohol to cushion myself from my feelings about the abuse.
>  Alcohol helped me shut down. Alcohol helped me stay in sexually disappointing
>  relationships for such a long time.
>
>
> Max

If you have problems with substance abuse, get help. There are numerous recovery organizations to help you overcome addiction, including innovative programs like Recovery Systems Inc., a nutrition-based recovery program that attends to the effects of substance abuse and trauma on our physiology. Look in your local phone book for Twelve-Step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous and Overeaters Anonymous, as well as programs that employ numerous other approaches to recovery. See the Resources for more information.


Input:
 Prompt: Write a section for a nonfiction book called "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" focusing on the importance of community support in the healing process. Include the following points:

* Define community support as those who offer love, care, information, guidance, and acceptance
* Mention various sources of community support, such as friends, partners, co-workers, counselors, therapists, online buddies, self-help groups, supportive family members, and community groups
* Explain the benefits of having a varied support system, including flexibility, availability, and backup
* Provide suggestions for finding support, such as gaining referrals from national survivors' organizations, speaking with friends and co-workers, checking newspapers and newsletters, visiting internet chat rooms, and joining newsgroups or developing your own support group
* Emphasize the importance of being clear with your support community about the focus of your healing and informing them about your journey and goals
* Offer an example of a real-life experience of a survivor who benefited from community support in their healing proce

Response:
##  Community Support

Community support includes all those who offer you love, care, information, guidance, and acceptance along the way. Community support may include friends, partners, co-workers, counselors and therapists, online buddies, self-help groups, supportive family members, and community groups. A varied support system offers more flexibility and availability—and a backup if your best friend is not around.

Support can be found by gaining referrals in your area from national survivors' organizations, speaking with friends and co-workers, checking newspapers and newsletters, visiting Internet chat rooms and joining newsgroups, or developing your own support group. Get creative in developing support.

> > I needed other women to talk to about my abuse and healing. I am a ritual abuse survivor, so this was especially terrifying, because of the stigma and because not a lot of people have very good information about it. After a lot of fear, I took a risk and started a ritual abuse peer support group. It is still scary, and it is exactly what I need.
>
> Rose

Be clear with your support community about the focus of your healing. People can offer better support if they know what your journey and goals entail. Let your friends know that you are healing sexually now and what you may need from them. If you are uncertain at this time, you can inform them as you progress.


Input:
  Prompt: Write a section for a nonfiction book called "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" focusing on the importance of sex-positive support in the healing process. Include the following points:

* Share a real-life experience of a survivor who has faced challenges in finding support for their sexual exploration
* Emphasize the need to search for positive input about sex and sexuality due to the negative and incomplete information available in society
* Mention the benefits of sex-positive information, such as learning about human sexuality, diversity of sexual expression, human sexual anatomy, and sexual development
* Explain that even trained therapists and physicians lack adequate sex education and may need sex-positive information as well
* Discuss the challenges survivors may face, such as contradictions, guilt, and self-blame in their sexual healing journey
* Stress the importance of having support that can handle a survivor's wildest fantasies alongside their worst pain from sexual abuse
* Explain the potential damage of receiving negative judgments about a survivor's sexual exploration and the healing power of acceptance and encouragement
* Encourage educating oneself and one's supporters with sex-positive sex information as a crucial step in the healing proce

Response:
##  Sex-Positive Support

> > It has been challenging to find the community that can support me just as I am sexually. I found that my own exploration pushed a lot of people's buttons. I didn't want to be confined by my abuse or society's ideas of how I should be sexually. I think this was scary to people. People lacked information and education.
>
> Rebecca

Because most of information available about sex in our society is negative and incomplete, it is likely that you are going to need to search out positive input about sex and your sexuality and preferences. Everyone can benefit from sex-positive information about human sexuality, the diversity of sexual expression, human sexual anatomy, and sexual development. It is likely that your support people, including most trained therapists, will also need sex-positive information.

The average physician receives less than twelve hours of sex education during her or his entire medical training. The average therapist, unless specializing in sexual "dysfunction," receives less than nine hours. By comparison, San Francisco Sex Information requires that potential hotline volunteers complete fifty-six hours of basic training in human sexuality. This is a thorough training and still barely begins to cover the information, experiences, and dynamics of human sexuality. For the most part, sex-positive information is not institutionalized but must be sought out.

A sex-positive, nonjudgmental attitude will be your most valuable asset in sexual healing. Sex for survivors can be laden with contradictions, guilt, and self-blame. Because sex was used against you as an instrument of harm rather than of healing, it is important to learn about the positive and self-affirming expressions of sex. You need support for exploring your desires at the same time that you are discovering the contradictions in your sexuality. It helps to have friends, counselors, and other supporters who can handle your wildest fantasies right along with the worst pain of your sexual abuse. It can be very damaging to get negative judgments about your sexual exploring, and it can be profoundly healing to find encouragement and acceptance as you become more empowered sexually.

Educating yourself and your supporters with sex-positive sex information can make all the difference.


Input:
 Write a section for a nonfiction book called "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" focusing on selecting a therapist or counselor for sexual healing. Include the following points:

* Emphasize that the survivor is in charge of their own healing process and has the right to decide what is best for them
* Suggest interviewing potential therapists to find the right fit and provide a list of questions to ask during the interview
* Questions should include inquiring about the therapist's training in human sexuality, their experience working with survivors of childhood sexual abuse, and their views on sex and sexual healing
* Discuss the importance of the therapist's attitudes about different forms of sexuality, such as homosexuality, S/M, pornography, and nonmonogamy
* Stress the need for the therapist to be familiar with the latest safer-sex guidelines and be open to learning new things
* Encourage survivors to trust their instincts when choosing a therapist
* Explicitly state that it is inappropriate for a therapist to have sexual contact with their client and provide steps for reporting such behavior

Response:
##  Selecting a Therapist or Counselor

You are the boss of your own healing. You say how it goes. Although therapists are a help along the way, you get to decide what is best for you. You also get to ask for what you want and need from your support people. Your needs are likely to change as you change, so update yourself and your therapist as you proceed.

> Interviewing a Therapist
>
> Here are some questions to ask a therapist you are considering as support for sexual healing:
>
>> • How many hours of training in human sexuality have you had?
>
>> • What do you consider the most important factors in sexual healing?
>
>> • Are you experienced in working with survivors of childhood sexual abuse? How have clients benefited from working with you?
>
>> • What do you see as the positive aspects of sex and sexual healing?
>
>> • What forms of sexuality do you consider dysfunctional?
>
>> • Do you hold religious beliefs regarding sex?
>
>> • Can you support my sexual healing in nonjudgmental way?
>
>> • What are your boundaries with clients?
>
>> • Are you willing to educate yourself further regarding sex and a sex-positive approach to healing for survivors?
>
>> • Do you have experience working with lesbian and bisexual women?
>
>> • Do you have experience working with transgendered clients?
>
>> • How do you feel about S/M, role-playing, porn, and rape fantasies?
>
>> • How do you feel about sex work?
>
>> • How do you feel about nonmonogamy and casual sex?
>
>> • Add your own questions.

A good therapist for this type of healing work is one who has the capacity to be with you in the midst of the exciting and the ugly, someone who has done enough work on herself or himself to be able to travel in unknown territories with you. Experience in working with survivors is essential. Get a good sense of the therapist's attitudes about sex. Are her or his attitudes regarding sex strictly conventional, or can he or she support you in discovering your own sexuality? Watch out for narrow attitudes regarding homosexuality, S/M, pornography, and stereotypes about women's sexual expression. Is your therapist familiar with the latest safer-sex guidelines? And is she willing to learn the things she may not know?

Most important, what kind of feel do you get from this person? Do your instincts say "Yeah!" or "Well…maybe…" or even "No"? Listen to these instincts.

While this may be obvious, I feel it is important to state that it is not appropriate for a therapist to have sex with his or her client. If you are invited into sexual contact with your therapist, end this therapeutic relationship and report the therapist to the police and the state licensing board.


Input:
 Write a section for a nonfiction book called "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" focusing on somatics and its role in healing. Include the following points:

* Define somatics as an educational and transformational approach that views the body, mind, and emotions as one interconnected system
* Explain the Greek origin of the word "soma" and its meaning
* Discuss the importance of viewing the body as an alive and intelligent presence, rather than something separate from the self
* Describe how somatics can help in processing and completing trauma, restoring pleasure, balance, and present time
* Explain the historical context of the mind/body split in Western cultures, citing the influence of Cartesian philosophy and Christian traditions
* Mention the shift in perspectives in the last fifty years, with more exposure to indigenous and Eastern perspectives and the influence of feminist theory and literature
* Provide an example of how changing the body or releasing trauma held in the body can lead to shifts in thinking, experience of the world, and identity

Response:
#  Somatics: Including Your Body in Healing

My work is in somatics, an educational and transformational approach that assumes that the body, mind, and emotions are one interconnected biological system. You are not separate from your body; rather, your self is revealed in and through your body all the time. Soma is the Greek word for the living body, or thought, spirit, and body as one.

Many possibilities come from looking at the body this way. Instead of seeing the body as a carcass that we carry around, the body becomes an alive and intelligent presence. The body is not something to get away from but a source of wholeness to be returned to and embodied fully. In working with and through the body, trauma can be processed and completed, and pleasure, balance, and present time can be restored. In somatics the body becomes an inherent and essential part of the change and healing process.

In Western cultures we have inherited a worldview that sees our minds, emotions, and bodies as separate entities. This comes out of Western Cartesian philosophical views and Christian traditions that have considered thinking or mental functioning paramount. "Mind over matter," as the saying goes. Some religious beliefs even see the body as essentially sinful, something to be either ignored or controlled. These perspectives have begun to shift in the last fifty years in the West, with more exposure to indigenous and Eastern perspectives. Feminist theory and literature has critiqued this mind/body split and has encouraged a return to the knowledge and life of the body. Starting with Willhelm Reich, Western philosophers and practitioners have also begun to reintegrate the body and mind.

Somatics recognizes an intelligence and life in the body that affects your thinking and your actions. If you change your body, or the "holding" or trauma in your body, then your thinking, your experience of the world, and often your identity will also shift.


Input:
 Write a section for a nonfiction book called "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" focusing on the importance of a somatic approach to healing from childhood sexual abuse. Include the following points:

* Explain why including the body in the healing process is essential, as childhood sexual abuse literally touches the body
* Discuss dissociation and how many survivors are "checked out" from their bodies due to past trauma
* Emphasize the importance of re-embodying and building tolerance for being in one's body and experiencing physical pleasure
* Discuss the role of boundaries and consent in an embodied experience
* Critique traditional psychoanalysis for its focus on mental processes and explain how it may fall short in transforming the deep impact of sexual trauma
* Share examples of clients who understand their desires intellectually but struggle to embody them
* Discuss the concept of the body's emotional and spiritual immune system or intelligence that orients towards health and balance
* Encourage including a body-based or somatic component in healing and mention various somatic schools and modalities
* Mention other embodiment practices such as dancing, martial arts, and body-focused meditation

Response:
##  Why a Somatic Approach to Healing Sexually After Childhood Sexual Abuse?

Childhood sexual abuse literally touches your body. To leave your body out of the healing process can leave out what is potentially your surest path to well-being. Many survivors of childhood sexual abuse are dissociated or "checked out" from their bodies. Your body was a dangerous place as a child. Leaving your body then, or dissociating, was an intelligent move. The memories or experiences of the trauma are often still present or "held" in your body today. Many survivors stay out of their bodies and senses long after the danger has passed to avoid revisiting those stored experiences.

Yet, your body is also you. It is the place in which you live and are alive. You connect and are in relationship with others from your body. You act in the world from your body. Your body is where the healing from trauma and abuse happens. Your body is also where you experience sensual and sexual pleasure. To experience all of these pleasures, however, you must be in your body, or "embodied."

Attending to the process of re-embodying is essential to sexual healing. I know it sounds strange, but building your tolerance for being in your body and experiencing physical pleasure is a central component of this healing. This is an intentional practice, especially in the beginning. After childhood sexual abuse, pleasure may be unfamiliar or uncomfortable to you.

> > I was surprised the first time I could stay present and embodied while my lover went down on me. It was like "Oh, this feels good. That's why people do this."
>
> Carolyn

Knowing your boundaries and having the ability to consent is also an embodied experience. If you are dissociated during sex, it is very difficult to know if you want to stop or go further or what sexual activities you want to consent to or invite.

Traditional psychoanalysis tends to focus on the mental processes, assuming the body will come along for the ride. This type of therapy has its place and can be useful for many, yet it can fall short of truly transforming the deep impact of sexual trauma. Most people have the experience of thinking one thing and doing another, even when they do not mean to. "Getting it" mentally does not necessarily translate into new ways of being or different actions. There can be an incoherence between your thinking and your body, because understanding something is different from embodying it.

> > I know what I want sexually. I've read the books and have lots of ideas, but still when I get there my body freezes. It's like I can't keep track of what year it is and that I'm not a kid at home in my bed anymore.
>
> Naomi

What I see in my work with survivors is that when they embody, when they return to life in their body and their sensations, a type of self-generated healing begins to happen. It is as if the body has not only a physical immune system but also an emotional and spiritual immune system or intelligence that orients towards health and balance. When you are dissociated from or ignore the body, this immune system does not function well. When the body is included, when the focus is on embodiment, the signs, signals, and functioning of this balancing system come into full swing. I have come to see the body, mind, and emotions as self-healing organisms when given the right conditions. Embodiment is one of these conditions.

I encourage including a body-based or somatic component to one's healing. I have found it one of the most efficient ways to process the abuse and release triggers. As you transform on the somatic level, the trauma is literally shifted and released, and you are able to live in present time, instead of being trapped in history, rage or depression. Somatics can help align your thinking, experience, and actions, bringing a sense of internal congruence.

There are a variety of somatic schools and modalities, including Rancho Strozzi Institute, Lomi School, Rosen Method Bodywork, Rubenfeld Synergy, Hakomi, Somatic Experiencing, Continuum, and the Tamalpa Institute. Further information can be found in the Resources at the end of this book. Other options for embodiment practices include dancing, martial arts, and body-focused meditation. Any practice that brings you regularly into your body and the sensations, feelings, and life of your body is useful.