Input:
Q: Who holds the copyright for this book and in what year was it registered?
A: The copyright for this book is held by Greenery Press, Inc. and it was registered in the year 2018.

Q: What rights are reserved by the copyright holder?
A: All rights are reserved by the copyright holder. This means that no part of the book may be reproduced or used in any form without written permission from the publisher.

Q: Are there any exceptions to the rule against reproduction?
A: Yes, there is an exception for brief passages that are quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio, television, or Internet reviews. These passages may be reproduced without obtaining written permission.

Q: In what format may brief passages be reproduced for reviews?
A: Brief passages may be reproduced in any format, including electronic or mechanical, for use in newspaper, magazine, radio, television, or Internet reviews.

Q: Where was the book published?
A: The book was published in the United States by Greenery Press.

Q: Who is responsible for distributing the book?
A: SCB Distributors, located in Gardena, CA, is responsible for distributing the book.

Q: What is the publisher's position on the risks associated with the activities and behaviors described in the book?
A: The publisher acknowledges that the activities and behaviors described in the book carry an inherent risk of physical and/or emotional injury. They encourage readers to be aware of this risk and to accept personal responsibility for it.

Q: What is the publisher's policy regarding liability for damages sustained while engaging in the activities described in the book?
A: The publisher disclaims any responsibility for damages sustained while engaging in the activities described in the book. Readers agree to accept the information in the book "as is and with all faults" and to accept personal responsibility for any risks associated with acting on that information.

Q: Who is included in the term "anyone else associated with the creation and sale of this book"?
A: The term "anyone else associated with the creation and sale of this book" likely includes the author, editors, designers, and other contributors to the book. It may also include retailers and other parties involved in the sale and distribution of the book.

Response:
Copyright 2018 by Greenery Press, Inc.

All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio, television or Internet reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mehanical, including photocopying or recording or by information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Publisher.

Published in the United States by Greenery Press. Distributed by SCB Distributors, Gardena, CA.

_Readers should be aware that the activities and behaviors described in this book carry an inherent risk of physical and/or emotional injury. While we believe that following the guidelines set forth in this book will minimize that potential, the writers and publisher encourage you to be aware that you are taking some risk when you decide to engage in these activities, and to accept personal responsibility for that risk. In acting on the information in this book, you agree to accept that information as is and with all faults. Neitehr the author, the publisher, nor anyone else associated with the creation and sale of this book is responsible for any damage sustained._


Input:
 Q: What is the structure of the book "The Sexually Dominant Woman"?
A: The book "The Sexually Dominant Woman" is structured as follows:

* An introduction to the topic of sexual dominance and the purpose of the book.
* A section titled "Who Are You?" that encourages the reader to reflect on their own desires and motivations.
* A section titled "Do You Want to Be a Sexually Dominant Woman?" that explores the benefits and challenges of embracing a dominant role in the bedroom.
* A section titled "What Kind of Domme Do You Want to Be?" that explores different styles of dominance, including service, sensation, bondage, fetish, and role-play.
* A section titled "Fundamentals: safety & consent" that provides guidance on how to ensure that all sexual activities are safe and consensual.
* A section titled "Fundamentals: bondage" that explores the different types of bondage, including restrictive, decorative, and roleplay bondage.
* A section titled "Fundamentals: sensation" that explores the use of impact, clips and clamps, heat and cold, and other forms of sensation play.
* A section titled "Fundamentals: control" that explores the use of service, collars, objectification, human pets, age play, captivity, and other forms of control play.
* A section titled "Fundamentals: sex" that explores different sexual activities, including cunnilingus, intercourse, anal, strap-ons and pegging, chastity, and energy sex.
* A section titled "Fundamentals: fetish" that explores different fetishes, including crossdressing and "forced feminization".
* A section titled "Putting It All Together" that provides guidance on how to combine different elements of dominance to create a satisfying sexual experience.
* A section titled "Scenes to Get You Started" that provides examples of different types of scenes, including bondage, sensation, and control scenes.
* A section titled "Thank You!" that expresses gratitude to the reader for engaging with the book.
* A resource guide that provides additional resources for further exploration of the topic of sexual dominance.

Q: How are the sections of the book organized?
A: The sections of the book are organized into two main parts: a theoretical section that explores the concept of sexual dominance and the different styles of dominance, and a practical section that provides guidance on how to engage in different types of play and scenes.

Q: How are the different styles of dominance explored in the book?
A: The different styles of dominance are explored through a series of questions that encourage the reader to reflect on their own desires and motivations. The book also provides examples of different types of scenes and play that are associated with each style.

Q: How is safety and consent addressed in the book?
A: Safety and consent are addressed in a dedicated section of the book that provides guidance on how to ensure that all sexual activities are safe and consensual. The book emphasizes the importance of clear communication, consent, and boundaries.

Q: How are different types of bondage explored in the book?
A: Different types of bondage are explored through a series of examples and explanations of the different techniques and materials that can be used for restrictive, decorative, and roleplay bondage.

Q: How are different types of sensation play explored in the book?
A: Different types of sensation play are explored through a series of examples and explanations of the different techniques and materials that can be used for impact, clips and clamps, heat and cold, and other forms of sensation play.

Q: How are different types of control play explored in the book?
A: Different types of control play are explored through a series of examples and explanations of the different techniques and materials that can be used for service, collars, objectification, human pets, age play, captivity, and other forms of control play.

Q: How are different types of sexual activities explored in the book?
A: Different types of sexual activities are explored through a series of examples and explanations of the different techniques and materials that can be used for cunnilingus, intercourse, anal, strap-ons and pegging, chastity, and energy sex.

Q: How are different fetishes explored in the book?
A: Different fetishes are explored through a series of examples and explanations of the different techniques and materials that can be used for crossdressing and "forced feminization".

Q: How are different types of scenes explored in the book?
A: Different types of scenes are explored through a series of examples and explanations of the different techniques and materials that can be used for bondage, sensation, and control scenes.

Q: How are resources for further exploration of the topic of sexual dominance provided in the book?
A: The book provides a resource guide that includes a list of books, websites, and other resources that can be used to further explore the topic of sexual dominance.

Response:
**CONTENTS**

**Introduction**

**_Who Are You?_**

**Do You Want to Be a Sexually Dominant Woman?**

**_what do you hope to gain?_**

**_What's holding you back?_**

**_if you want to go further_**

**What Kind of Domme Do You Want to Be?**

**_service_**

**_sensation_**

**_bondage_**

**_fetish_**

**_role-play_**

**_if you want to go further_**

**Fundamentals: safety & consent**

**Fundamentals: bondage**

**_restrictive bondage_**

**_decorative bondage_**

**_roleplay bondage_**

**_basic bondage principles_**

**_if you want to go further_**

**Fundamentals: sensation**

**_impact_**

**on playing with punishment**

**_clips and clamps_**

**_heat and cold_**

**on marks and other injuries**

**_if you want to go further_**

**Fundamentals: control**

**_finding a balance_**

**_service_**

**some thoughts about collars**

**_objectification_**

**_human pets_**

**_age play_**

**_captivity_**

**_if you want to go further_**

**Fundamentals: sex**

**_cunnilingus_**

**about edging**

**_intercourse_**

**_anal_**

**strap-ons and pegging**

**_chastity_**

**_energy sex_**

**_if you want to go further_**

**Fundamentals: fetish**

**_crossdressing and "forced feminization"_**

**_if you want to go further_**

**Putting It All Together**

**Scenes to Get You Started**

**_general principles_**

**_a first bondage scene_**

**_a first sensation scene_**

**_a first control scene_**

**Thank You!**

**Resource Guide**


Input:
 Q: Who wrote the foreword for the book "The Sexually Dominant Woman"?
A: Midori, a renowned sex educator and author, wrote the foreword for the book "The Sexually Dominant Woman".

Q: What is the tone of the foreword?
A: The foreword is written in a friendly and approachable tone, with Midori addressing the reader directly and sharing her personal experiences with kink and BDSM.

Q: What is the purpose of the foreword?
A: The purpose of the foreword is to introduce the reader to the topic of sexual dominance and to provide some context for the rest of the book. Midori emphasizes that the book is written for beginners, and that it is meant to be a practical guide for exploring new pleasures. She also acknowledges that there is a lot of information online that can be overwhelming or inaccurate, and encourages readers to take things with a grain of salt.

Q: What are some of the personal experiences that Midori shares in the foreword?
A: Midori shares her own experiences with kink and BDSM, including using terry cloth belts from hotel bathrobes as bondage gear and pretending to be a saloon madam with a feather in her hair. She also talks about the challenges of figuring out the "right ways" and "wrong ways" to engage in kink play, and the importance of having experienced friends to provide guidance and support.

Q: What is the definition of BDSM that Midori provides in the foreword?
A: While most people define BDSM by expanding the acronym, Midori provides her own definition: "It's about joyous childhood play, with adult sexual privilege and cool toys." She also suggests that people think of it as "playing cops-and-robbers with shagging!" She emphasizes that the purpose of kink play is to have fun and to explore one's own desires and boundaries.

Response:
**FOREWORD** , **by Midori**

Hello!

I'm glad you found this book – because you and your partner are about to explore new pleasures, and you deserve good friends to help you along the way. The woman who created this book, both in its original form and in this graphic version, is a kind, reliable and practical guide for your journey ahead.

Are you totally new to kinky sexy fun? If so, this book is written for you!

If you already know how to use the tools, have some toys, are familiar with the terminologies and even had some kink fun, then this book is not for you. For you, there are many excellent books in the Greenery Press catalog as well as other resources. (Hey, check out my books while you're at it!)

I wish I could sit down for tea with you and ask you what brought you here. Have you been curious about kink for a long time, or is this a newly sparked curiosity? Were you drawn in through a story or a video? Did a lover whisper secret desires to you? Was it something a friend commented or posted? We all come to these explorations from different places.

Over a cup of oolong, I would find out what you hope to experience. Do you want to enjoy a bit of naughtiness? Are you hoping to ignite new levels of passions and pleasures? Would you like to just feel less lost and baffled? Seeking ways to make your partner's fantasies a reality? Each woman and each lover comes with different hopes and wants.

Sitting with you, I'd ask you about what you're apprehensive about. What are your concerns? What scares you? Are you feeling overwhelmed by all the information that's online and elsewhere? I know it's super overwhelming. The other worries you have, what are they? All good people start with various trepidations and concerns.

Since we aren't able to sit down together today, this lovely little book will help you out, just like a sweet chat we'd have.

When I was first exploring doing kinky things with and to my lover, we only had the most vague ideas. It was a bit of tying each other up and shagging. I remember one romantic getaway where we used terry cloth belts from the hotel bathrobes. At other times, a bit of rough sex got more bitey and scratchy than usual. It felt exhilarating, but we didn't have the words to describe the thrill and sense of danger.

I remember visiting a former silver mining town in New Mexico with a lover. The wild-west history and lore fascinated me. With a few bits of fancy lingerie and feather or two in my hair, I pretended to be a bawdy saloon madam with a gentleman caller. I didn't come anything close to being dressed like a 19th century business-owning Western woman, but we didn't care - soon the lacy bits were strewn around the room anyway. I may have used the feather some way. I don't remember - it's all a blur now.

I think I was much less inhibited when I didn't know anything. Once I figured out that there are specialized tools for this sort of sex games, and had a sliver of a clue that there are "right ways" and "wrong ways" to use the tools and make these games, I hesitated. I questioned. I doubted. I got baffled.

There was that one evening when I was using a flogger on my lover. (You'll find out about "impact play" and floggers later in this book.) They moaned. They swayed. They gasped. They thrust their cute butt out to me. All these were good for me and I understood they were having a good time. I felt like an erotic badass. Then a weird thing happened. They started to laugh. First, a chuckle. Then it grew into a full-bore rolling laugh. What was going on? Were they laughing at me? Did they think this was all stupid? My confidence was deeply shaken, just when I thought I was doing so well in pleasing both my sweetie and me. Upset, I reached out to a more experienced friend. She comforted me and then shed light on the situation.

"Honey, they're not laughing at you. They're just really high from all the good sensations. Sometimes people just do that, when they're overcharged with pleasure. You did good!"

If she hadn't helped me through that experience, and put things into context, I might have been plagued with doubt and lack of confidence for a long time. That's not a feel-good way to carry on.

We all can benefit from good practical advice and perspective based on real life experiences.

I know you'll come across a lot of information and images online. Today is indeed the golden age of kink information. The problem is that there's simply too much information and you have sort through a deluge of material. Sadly a lot of what passes for information is untested, fantasy-based, inaccurate, or just made up. So please take things with a grain of salt. If something sounds too slick, too perfect, too... too _anything_.... it might be more imagined than instructional. I think fantasy and kinky fiction is great – but it's not educational. It's like trying to learn how to drive from a car chase movie.

Enjoy the fantasy! It's even more fun when you enjoy it with your partners. Talk about it and fantasize about it with your sweeties. Find out what about the fantasy you like, and let your self get inspired. You can have a sexy chat or sext about the fantasy and see how you can make some realizable part of it an addition to your sex life.

Some people use the term "BDSM" for kink. Most people define that by simply expanding the acronym.

B = Bondage

D = Discipline or Dominance

S = Sadistic desires or desire for Submission

M = Masochistic wants or appetite for Mastery

But I actually don't find this definition all that useful to start with. (Yes, there will be more discussion and practical explanation of these words in the chapters to follow!)

So here's your Auntie Midori's definition of BDSM or kink sex:

It's about joyous childhood play, with adult sexual privilege and cool toys.

Or, to put it another way: playing cops-and-robbers with shagging!

That's why we call it "play."

To paraphrase the great Auntie Mame: Life is a playground, darling, and most poor folks are bored to death. So get playing!

Affectionately yours,

Midori

Founder, ForteFemme Women's Intensive


Input:
 Prompt: Write a preface for a book about kink and BDSM that acknowledges the changes that have occurred in the field since the book was first written, emphasizes the importance of safety and consent, and thanks the people who have contributed to the author's knowledge and experience.

The preface should:

1. Acknowledge that there have been many changes in kink and BDSM practice since the book was first written, but the basics remain the same.
2. Emphasize the importance of taking care of oneself and others, and having fun together.
3. Explain that the book is intended to be short, fun, and easy to learn from, and therefore does not discuss all the risks and decisions available within the confines of safety and consent.
4. Recommend that beginners stick to the guidelines provided in the book, but note that more experienced practitioners may choose to play outside these guidelines with a full appreciation for the risks and rewards involved.
5. Acknowledge the people who have contributed to the author's knowledge and experience, including those they have played with and learned from, as well as beta readers who have helped improve the book.
6. Dedicate the book to a specific person.

Here is a possible response to the prompt:

Preface, by Janet W. Hardy

Between 1992, when I first wrote this book, and today, there have been uncountable changes in kink and BDSM practice, as erotic adventurers discover new ways to make each other happy. However, the basics remain the same and always will: take care of yourself and each other, and have fun together.

If you share this book with someone who has been playing for a number of years, they may tell you that my advice is very conservative. They're right. Because I want this book to be short, fun and easy to learn from, I'm not going to discuss all the risks and decisions that are available within the confines of safety and consent. For now, I strongly recommend that beginners stick within the guidelines I've given you here. As you get more experience and develop your knowledge and skills, you may choose to play outside these guidelines - with a full appreciation for the risks and rewards to be found there.

I'd like to acknowledge all the people I've played with and learned from through the decades, particularly Jay and Dossie. Special thanks to the beta readers who helped me notice everything from tiny typos to huge honking mistakes, especially Ian, Max and Patricia.

This book is dedicated, of course, to my dear E.

Response:
**PREFACE, by Janet W. Hardy**

Between 1992, when I first wrote this book, and today, there have been uncountable changes in kink and BDSM practice, as erotic adventurers discover new ways to make each other happy. However, the basics remain the same and always will: take care of yourself and each other, and have fun together.

If you share this book with someone who has been playing for a number of years, they may tell you that my advice is very conservative. They're right. Because I want this book to be short, fun and easy to learn from, I'm not going to discuss all the risks and decisions that are available within the confines of safety and consent. For now, I strongly recommend that beginners stick within the guidelines I've given you here. As you get more experience and develop your knowledge and skills, you _may_ choose to play outside these guidelines - with a full appreciation for the risks and rewards to be found there.

**I'd like to acknowledge all the people I've played with and learned from through the decades, particularly Jay and Dossie. Special thanks to the beta readers who helped me notice everything from tiny typos to huge honking mistakes, especially Ian, Max and Patricia.**

**This book is dedicated, of course, to my dear E.**


Input:
 Prompt: Write an introduction for a book about sexual dominance that explains who the author is, who the intended audience is, and what the book hopes to achieve.

The introduction should:

1. Introduce the author, including their name and a brief overview of their background and experiences.
2. Explain that the author's identity and experiences have changed over time, and that they now identify as bisexual.
3. Clarify that the book is intended for a wide range of people, and that the stereotype of a sexually dominant woman is not always accurate.
4. Emphasize that sexually dominant women come in all shapes, sizes, ages, and colors, and may look like anyone the reader knows.
5. Explain that the book is intended for anyone who has ever dreamed of being in control of someone's behavior and sexuality, or who has ever wanted to hurt someone in a consensual and controlled way.
6. Note that the book is also intended for people whose regular, everyday sex is becoming dull and boring, or who have a partner who wants the experience of sexual submission that only they can give.

Here is a possible response to the prompt:

Introduction

Who Am I?

I'm Janet*. When I wrote the first edition of this book, back in 1992, I was heterosexual and in my late 30s. Now I'm in my early 60s and bi. But, as I said then...

"ONE OF MY CHIEF PLEASURES IN LIFE HAS BEEN EXPLORING SEXUAL DOMINATION."

That was true then, and it's still true.

* If you read the earlier versions of this book, you'll remember me as "Lady Green," the pen name I used back then.

Who Are You?

That's a trickier question. You may believe - because the media has told you - that a sexually dominant woman looks like this.

A woman who looks like this is usually a professional dominant, who earns money by providing dominance to clients.

In fact, most of the hundreds of sexually dominant women I've met through the years have looked more like these. We're all different shapes, sizes, ages and colors. We may look like your neighbor or your coworker or your friend...

Or, you know, like... you.

If you've ever dreamed of being in control of someone's behavior and sexuality...

If you've ever yearned to hurt someone, just a little...

If the idea of having someone tied up and helpless makes you a bit short of breath...

If your regular, everyday sex is seeming just a tad bland and boring...

Or maybe even if you have a partner who really, really wants the experience of sexual submission that only you can give them...

This book is for you.

Response:
**_INTRODUCTION_**

### **_WHO AM I?_**

I'M JANET*. WHEN I WROTE THE FIRST EDITION OF THIS BOOK, BACK IN 1992, I WAS HETEROSEXUAL AND IN MY LATE 30S. NOW I'M IN MY EARLY 60S AND BI. BUT, AS I SAID THEN...

"ONE OF MY CHIEF PLEASURES IN LIFE HAS BEEN EXPLORING SEXUAL DOMINATION."

THAT WAS TRUE THEN, AND IT'S STILL TRUE.

* IF YOU READ THE EARLIER VERSIONS OF THIS BOOK, YOU'LL REMEMBER ME AS "LADY GREEN," THE PEN NAME I USED BACK THEN.

### **_WHO ARE YOU?_**

THAT'S A TRICKIER QUESTION. YOU MAY BELIEVE - BECAUSE THE MEDIA HAS TOLD YOU -THAT A SEXUALLY DOMINANT WOMAN LOOKS LIKE THIS.

A WOMAN WHO LOOKS LIKE THIS IS USUALLY A PROFESSIONAL DOMINANT, WHO EARNS MONEY BY PROVIDING DOMINANCE TO CLIENTS.

IN FACT, MOST OF THE HUNDREDS OF SEXUALLY DOMINANT WOMEN I'VE MET THROUGH THE YEARS HAVE LOOKED MORE LIKE THESE. WE'RE ALL DIFFERENT SHAPES, SIZES, AGES AND COLORS. WE MAY LOOK LIKE YOUR NEIGHBOR OR YOUR COWORKER OR YOUR FRIEND...

OR, YOU KNOW, LIKE... YOU.

IF YOU'VE EVER DREAMED OF BEING IN CONTROL OF SOMEONE'S BEHAVIOR AND SEXUALITY...

IF YOU'VE EVER YEARNED TO HURT SOMEONE, JUST A LITTLE...

IF THE IDEA OF HAVING SOMEONE TIED UP AND HELPLESS MAKES YOU A BIT SHORT OF BREATH...

IF YOUR REGULAR, EVERYDAY SEX IS SEEMING JUST A TAD BLAND AND BORING...

OR MAYBE EVEN IF YOU HAVE A PARTNER WHO REALLY, REALLY WANTS THE EXPERIENCE OF SEXUAL SUBMISSION THAT ONLY _YOU_ CAN GIVE THEM...

THIS BOOK IS FOR YOU.


Input:
 Prompt: Write a section for a book about sexual dominance that helps the reader understand if they want to be a sexually dominant woman, what they hope to gain from it, and what might be holding them back.

The section should:

1. Encourage the reader to think through their reasons for wanting to be sexually dominant.
2. Provide examples of possible reasons for wanting to be sexually dominant, such as having a partner who wants this kind of play, having fantasies of sexual domination, or being fascinated by sexual domination.
3. Emphasize that being a sexually dominant woman is a lot of responsibility, but that there are many rewards.
4. List possible rewards, such as getting physical nurturing and care, applying motivation, or experiencing being the center of attention.
5. Reassure the reader that it is normal to feel nervous about the idea of dominating someone.
6. Mention that there are technical skills that the reader will need to learn.
7. Encourage the reader to read on if they are still not sure if they want to be a sexually dominant woman.
8. Provide resources for readers who are not interested in dominance but have a partner who is.
9. Remind the reader that dominance does not require them to look or dress a certain way, but that confidence and a sense of humor can help.
10. Suggest a book and a class for readers who may be feeling bashful about the idea of dominance.

Here is a possible response to the prompt:

Do You Want to Be a Sexually Dominant Woman?

Before you read on, you should think through your reasons for wanting to be sexually dominant. There's no single answer to this question—every woman has different reasons.

Maybe you have a partner who really wants this kind of play.

Maybe you have fantasies of sexual domination, but no one to play with.

You may be fascinated by sexual domination but unsure how to proceed.

Or maybe you've always been submissive, and are beginning to wonder what the other side of the equation might be like.

What Do You Hope to Gain?

Make no mistake about it, sexual domination is a lot of responsibility. If it weren't for its many rewards, I doubt people would bother with it. But there are rewards, and they can be pretty fabulous.

Maybe your submissive partner can find joy in helping you with your everyday tasks.

Maybe you can get the physical nurturing and care you've been craving.

Perhaps you'd enjoy having the chance to apply a little... motivation.

Or you're ready to get exactly what you want in bed.

Or you'd like to experience being the belle of the ball (good female dominants are few and far between).

All these, and more, are excellent reasons to try sexual domination.

So, What's Holding You Back?

It's perfectly normal to feel nervous about the idea of dominating someone. That's just a sign that you're taking domination as seriously as it deserves.

There are some technical skills you'll need to learn. They're not as complicated as they seem, but you'll still need to give them careful attention and practice.

Still not feeling it? Read on—you may discover that some types of domination do hold a charge for you. But if you really, truly don't feel like doing sexual domination, don't let anybody push you into it.*

* If you aren't interested in domination, but you have a partner who wants it, look in the resource guide at the back. There you'll find my suggestions for books and other resources that can help you find a way to manage this difference.

Remember, dominance doesn't require that you look a certain way or dress a certain way.

Confidence does help, though. So does a sense of humor.

If You Want to Go Further...

Does the whole idea of domination make you feel a little bashful? This is the book for you: Exhibitionism for the Shy by Carol Queen, published by Down There Press.

Midori teaches weekendlong, small-group classes for women wishing to access their authentic power, inside the bedroom and outside it. Visit www.fortefemme.com for more info.

Response:
**_DO YOU WANT TO BE A SEXUALLY DOMINANT WOMAN?_**

BEFORE YOU READ ON, YOU SHOULD THINK THROUGH YOUR REASONS FOR WANTING TO BE SEXUALLY DOMINANT. THERE'S NO SINGLE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION

\- EVERY WOMAN HAS DIFFERENT REASONS.

MAYBE YOU HAVE A PARTNER WHO REALLY WANTS THIS KIND OF PLAY.

MAYBE YOU HAVE FANTASIES OF SEXUAL DOMINATION, BUT NO ONE TO PLAY WITH.

YOU MAY BE FASCINATED BY SEXUAL DOMINATION BUT UNSURE HOW TO PROCEED.

OR MAYBE YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN SUBMISSIVE, AND ARE BEGINNING TO WONDER WHAT THE OTHER SIDE OF THE EQUATION MIGHT BE LIKE.

### **_WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO GAIN?_**

MAKE NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT, SEXUAL DOMINATION IS A LOT OF RESPONSIBILITY. IF IT WEREN'T FOR ITS MANY REWARDS, I DOUBT PEOPLE WOULD BOTHER WITH IT. BUT THERE _ARE_ REWARDS, AND THEY CAN BE PRETTY FABULOUS.

MAYBE YOUR SUBMISSIVE PARTNER CAN FIND JOY IN HELPING YOU WITH YOUR EVERYDAY TASKS.

MAYBE YOU CAN GET THE PHYSICAL NURTURING AND CARE YOU'VE BEEN CRAVING.

PERHAPS YOU'D ENJOY HAVING THE CHANCE TO APPLY A LITTLE... MOTIVATION.

OR YOU'RE READY TO GET _EXACTLY_ WHAT YOU WANT IN BED.

OR YOU'D LIKE TO EXPERIENCE BEING THE BELLE OF THE BALL (GOOD FEMALE DOMINANTS ARE FEW AND FAR BETWEEN).

### **_ALL THESE, AND MORE, ARE EXCELLENT REASONS TO TRY SEXUAL DOMINATION._**

### **_SO, WHAT'S HOLDING YOU BACK?_**

IT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL TO FEEL NERVOUS ABOUT THE IDEA OF DOMINATING SOMEONE. THAT'S JUST A SIGN THAT YOU'RE TAKING DOMINATION AS SERIOUSLY AS IT DESERVES.

THERE _ARE_ SOME TECHNICAL SKILLS YOU'LL NEED TO LEARN. THEY'RE NOT AS COMPLICATED AS THEY SEEM, BUT YOU'LL STILL NEED TO GIVE THEM CAREFUL ATTENTION AND PRACTICE.

STILL NOT FEELING IT? READ ON - YOU MAY DISCOVER THAT SOME TYPES OF DOMINATION DO HOLD A CHARGE FOR YOU. BUT IF YOU REALLY, TRULY DON'T FEEL LIKE DOING SEXUAL DOMINATION, DON'T LET ANYBODY PUSH YOU INTO IT.*

* IF YOU AREN'T INTERESTED IN DOMINATION, BUT YOU HAVE A PARTNER WHO WANTS IT, LOOK IN THE RESOURCE GUIDE AT THE BACK. THERE YOU'LL FIND MY SUGGESTIONS FOR BOOKS AND OTHER RESOURCES THAT CAN HELP YOU FIND A WAY TO MANAGE THIS DIFFERENCE.

REMEMBER, DOMINANCE DOESN'T REQUIRE THT YOU LOOK A CERTAIN WAY OR DRESS A CERTAIN WAY.

CONFIDENCE DOES HELP, THOUGH. SO DOES A SENSE OF HUMOR.

### **_IF YOU WANT TO GO FURTHER..._**

DOES THE WHOLE IDEA OF DOMINANCE MAKE YOU FEEL A LITTLE BASHFUL? THIS IS THE BOOK FOR YOU: **_EXHIBITIONISM FOR THE SHY BY CAROL QUEEN_** , PUBLISHED BY DOWN THERE PRESS.

**_MIDORI_** TEACHES WEEKENDLONG, SMALL-GROUP CLASSES FOR WOMEN WISHING TO ACCESS THEIR AUTHENTIC POWER, INSIDE THE BEDROOM AND OUTSIDE IT. VISIT **_WWW.FORTEFEMME.COM_** FOR MORE INFO.


Input:
 Prompt: Write a section for a book about sexual dominance that helps the reader understand the different types of dominance and how to figure out what kind of Domme they want to be.

The section should:

1. Explain that there are many ways to be a dominant woman, but most dominance falls into one or more of six basic categories.
2. Provide examples of the six basic categories of dominance, such as service, sensation, bondage, fetish, and role-play.
3. Encourage the reader to imagine themselves doing the different types of dominance and to pursue the ones that interest or arouse them.
4. Mention that some people may be interested in more than one category, and that it's possible to have partners who are interested in a different category.
5. Emphasize the importance of making sure the submissive partner's basic needs are met, even though it may seem like the dominant should always get their way.
6. Provide resources for readers who want to learn more about the different types of dominance.

Here is a possible response to the prompt:

What Kind of Domme Do You Want to Be?

There are as many ways to be a dominant woman as there are dominant women—which is to say, a lot. However, most dominance falls into one or more of six basic categories.

As you read about the different flavors of dominance, try to imagine yourself doing them. The ones that interest or arouse you are the ones you'll want to pursue.

Some of us see appeal in more than one category. Some of us will have partners who are interested in a different category, and will thus have to figure out kinds of play that appeal to both ourselves and our partners.

Yes, I know it seems as though the dominant should always get her way, but dominance is a lot trickier than that. Remember, you want to be able to play with them more than once, which means you need them to come back for more—and few will do that if they didn't get their basic needs met during the first scene.

Service

In this kind of dominance, the sub pleases the domme by taking care of one or more of her needs. Service can range from housekeeping and clerical chores to sexual service, and beyond.

Sensation

If your fantasies of domination include giving your partner intense or painful sensations, this style is for you. Sensation can be given as part of erotic play, as "funishment," as a way of achieving an ecstatic state, as an emotional release, and more.

Bondage

Bondage involves tying your partner so that they feel a sense of helplessness and you feel a sense of power. You don't need to be a former Girl Scout—good bondage requires only a couple of easy-to-learn knots. Or, if knots aren't your thing, invest in some good restraints.

Fetish

While fetish isn't technically BDSM, many BDSMers are attuned to one or more fetishes. You can give them a lot more fun if you build one or more of your or their fetishes into your play together.

Role-Play

If you have a yen for the theatrical, role-play may be for you. You and your partner can spend your time as a schoolmistress with an unruly student, a conqueror with a new slave, an interrogator with a stubborn captive, or anything else your imagination can conceive.

If You Want to Go Further...

Mistress Lorelei Powers's The Mistress Manual is particularly helpful for figuring out the archetypes that determine the "flavor" of your scene or relationship.

Jay Wiseman's SM 101: A Realistic Introduction is especially strong on safety information. The author is a switchable male dominant with insights for players of all genders.

John and Libby Warren's The Loving Dominant is oriented toward male-dom relationships, but at least 90% of its information is useful to dominants of any gender or orientation.

Response:
**_WHAT KIND OF DOMME* DO YOU WANT TO BE?_**

THERE ARE AS MANY WAYS TO BE A DOMINANT WOMAN AS THERE ARE DOMINANT WOMEN – WHICH IS TO SAY, A LOT. HOWEVER, MOST DOMINANCE FALLS INTO ONE OR MORE OF SIX BASIC CATEGORIES.

AS YOU READ ABOUT THE DIFFERENT FLAVORS OF DOMINANCE, TRY TO IMAGINE YOURSELF DOING THEM. THE ONES THAT INTEREST OR AROUSE YOU ARE THE ONES YOU'LL WANT TO PURSUE.

SOME OF US SEE APPEAL IN MORE THAN ONE CATEGORY. SOME OF US WILL HAVE PARTNERS WHO ARE INTERESTED IN A DIFFERENT CATEGORY, AND WILL THUS HAVE TO FIGURE OUT KINDS OF PLAY THAT APPEAL TO BOTH OURSELVES AND OUR PARTNERS.

YES, I KNOW IT SEEMS AS THOUGH THE DOMINANT SHOULD ALWAYS GET HER WAY, BUT DOMINANCE IS A LOT TRICKIER THAN THAT. REMEMBER, YOU WANT TO BE ABLE TO PLAY WITH THEM MORE THAN ONCE, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED THEM TO COME BACK FOR MORE – AND FEW WILL DO THAT IF THEY DIDN'T GET THEIR BASIC NEEDS MET DURING THE FIRST SCENE.

* A SHORTER WAY OF SAYING "FEMALE DOMINANT." IT'S PRONOUNCED "DOM" (NOT "DOM-MAY"). ANOTHER SHORTHAND IS "FEMDOM" OR "FEMDOMME."

### **_SERVICE_**

IN THIS KIND OF DOMINANCE, THE SUB PLEASES THE DOMME BY TAKING CARE OF ONE OR MORE OF HER NEEDS. SERVICE CAN RANGE FROM HOUSEKEEPING AND CLERICAL CHORES TO SEXUAL SERVICE, AND BEYOND.

### **_SENSATION_**

IF YOUR FANTASIES OF DOMINATION INCLUDE GIVING YOUR PARTNER INTENSE OR PAINFUL SENSATIONS, THIS STYLE IS FOR YOU. SENSATION CAN BE GIVEN AS PART OF EROTIC PLAY, AS "FUNISHMENT,"* AS A WAY OF ACHIEVING AN ECSTATIC STATE, AS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE, AND MORE.

* STRONG SENSATION GIVEN AS PART OF A "NAUGHTINESS" ROLEPLAY SCENARIO, PURELY FOR EROTIC FUN.

### **_BONDAGE_**

BONDAGE INVOLVES TYING YOUR PARTNER SO THAT THEY FEEL A SENSE OF HELPLESSNESS AND YOU FEEL A SENSE OF POWER. YOU DON'T NEED TO BE A FORMER GIRL SCOUT - GOOD BONDAGE REQUIRES ONLY A COUPLE OF EASY-TOLEARN KNOTS. OR, IF KNOTS AREN'T YOUR THING, INVEST IN SOME GOOD RESTRAINTS.

### **_FETISH_**

WHILE FETISH ISN'T TECHNICALLY BDSM, MANY BDSMERS ARE ATTUNED TO ONE OR MORE FETISHES. YOU CAN GIVE THEM A LOT MORE FUN IF YOU BUILD ONE OR MORE OF YOUR OR THEIR FETISHES INTO YOUR PLAY TOGETHER.

### **_ROLE-PLAY_**

IF YOU HAVE A YEN FOR THE THEATRICAL, ROLE-PLAY MAY BE FOR YOU. YOU AND YOUR PARTNER CAN SPEND YOUR TIME AS A SCHOOLMISTRESS WITH AN UNRULY STUDENT, A CONQUEROR WITH A NEW SLAVE, AN INTERROGATOR WITH A STUBBORN CAPTIVE, OR ANYTHING ELSE YOUR IMAGINATION CAN CONCEIVE.

### **_IF YOU WANT TO GO FURTHER..._**

MISTRESS LORELEI POWERS'S _THE MISTRESS MANUAL_ IS PARTICULARLY HELPFUL FOR FIGURING OUT THE ARCHETYPES THAT DETERMINE THE "FLAVOR" OF YOUR SCENE OR RELATIONSHIP.

JAY WISEMAN'S _SM_ _101: A REALISTIC INTRODUCTION_ IS ESPECIALLY STRONG ON SAFETY INFORMATION. THE AUTHOR IS A SWITCHABLE MALE DOMINANT WITH INSIGHTS FOR PLAYERS OF ALL GENDERS.

JOHN AND LIBBY WARREN'S _THE LOVING DOMINANT_ IS ORIENTED TOWARD MALE-DOM RELATIONSHIPS, BUT AT LEAST 90% OF ITS INFORMATION IS USEFUL TO DOMINANTS OF ANY GENDER OR ORIENTATION.


Input:
 Prompt: Write a section for a book about sexual dominance that emphasizes the importance of safety and consent in kink play.

The section should:

1. Explain that learning how to manage the physical and emotional risks of kink is essential to being a responsible player.
2. Mention that kinksters call conversations about boundaries and desires "negotiation," and suggest thinking of them as "collaborative planning."
3. Encourage the reader to start negotiations with an agreement that neither partner will laugh at or act grossed out by the other's desires.
4. Provide an example of a negotiation exercise called "Yes/No/Maybe," in which both partners brainstorm every possible activity and mark each one with a "Y" for "Yes," an "N" for "No," or an "M" for "Maybe."
5. Explain that a "No" from either partner means that activity is off the table for now, while a "Maybe" means that the activity needs to be discussed further.
6. Emphasize that the list of "Y" and "M" answers is the blueprint for scenes together.
7. Advise the reader to reach an agreement about how to let each other know if something goes wrong during play, and to discuss the use of a safeword if necessary.
8. Warn the reader not to try to do sexual dominance if either partner is intoxicated or high, as the vast majority of kink accidents and consent violations happen when one or both players have been using intoxicants.
9. Mention that specific safety concerns and ways to minimize risks will be discussed throughout the book.

Here is a possible response to the prompt:

Fundamentals: Safety & Consent

The reason people buy and read books like this is that kink has a built-in set of physical and emotional risks—and learning how to manage those risks is essential to being a responsible player.

At first, some of these processes will feel a little unnatural: few of us grew up with good models for talking about sex. Finding out ahead of time about what each of you wants and does not want gets easier with practice, though.

Kinksters call such conversations "negotiation," which makes them sound dull. In fact, they can be anything but. I prefer to think of them as "collaborative planning," in which each of you can share your fantasies, desires, and limits so that you can craft a scene that will be as much fun as possible for both of you.

Negotiation can feel very vulnerable, though. I strongly suggest you start with an agreement that neither of you will laugh at, or act grossed out by, the other's desires.

If you feel stuck about what kinds of things you can negotiate, you can find long, detailed lists in books and on the internet. However, many sex therapists prefer an exercise called "Yes/No/Maybe."

Both of you sit down with a big sheet of paper and brainstorm everything two people can possibly do in sex or kink. Don't hold back. Then, each of you takes a different colored pen and marks each item with a "Y" for "Yes," an "N" for "No," or an "M" for "Maybe."

A "No" from either of you means that activity is off the table for now, without argument. You can always revisit the list later to see if anyone's feelings have changed.

"Maybe" means "if I were turned on enough" or "if it felt safe enough" or "if you warm me up first" or whatever. These are the items you need to discuss.

The list of "Y" and "M" answers is the blueprint for your scenes together.

You should reach an agreement about how to let each other know if something goes wrong. If you're not into pretend nonconsent, a simple "stop" or "no" works fine. But if your partner likes to be able to shout "no stop please" without ending the scene, you'll need a safeword.

A safeword can be any word or signal that wouldn't ordinarily come up during play. Many kinksters use "red" to mean "stop right now," "yellow" to mean "please slow down or ease up," and "green" to mean "all systems go!" And remember, safewords aren't just for subs—a dominant can get triggered, overwhelmed, or sick, and that means you need a safeword too.

Do not try to do sexual dominance if either you or your partner is intoxicated or high. The vast majority of kink accidents and consent violations happen when one or both players has been using intoxicants.

Play safe

Throughout the book, I'll mention specific safety concerns and ways to minimize risks on pages that look like this. Please pay special attention to these.

Response:
**_FUNDAMENTALS: SAFETY & CONSENT_**

THE REASON PEOPLE BUY AND READ BOOKS LIKE THIS IS THAT KINK HAS A BUILT-IN SET OF PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL RISKS - AND LEARNING HOW TO MANAGE THOSE RISKS IS ESSENTIAL TO BEING A RESPONSIBLE PLAYER.

AT FIRST, SOME OF THESE PROCESSES WILL FEEL A LITTLE UNNATURAL: FEW OF US GREW UP WITH GOOD MODELS FOR TALKING ABOUT SEX. FINDING OUT AHEAD OF TIME ABOUT WHAT EACH OF YOU WANTS AND DOES NOT WANT GETS EASIER WITH PRACTICE, THOUGH.

_KINKSTERS CALL SUCH CONVERSATIONS "NEGOTIATION," WHICH MAKES THEM SOUND DULL. IN FACT, THEY CAN BE ANYTHING BUT. I PREFER TO THINK OF THEM AS "COLLABORATIVE PLANNING," IN WHICH EACH OF YOU CAN SHARE YOUR FANTASIES, DESIRES AND LIMITS SO THAT YOU CAN CRAFT A SCENE THAT WILL BE AS MUCH FUN AS POSSIBLE FOR BOTH OF YOU._

NEGOTIATION CAN FEEL VERY VULNERABLE, THOUGH. I STRONGLY SUGGEST YOU START WITH AN AGREEMENT THAT NEITHER OF YOU WILL LAUGH AT, OR ACT GROSSED OUT BY, THE OTHER'S DESIRES.

IF YOU FEEL STUCK ABOUT WHAT KINDS OF THINGS YOU CAN NEGOTIATE, YOU CAN FIND LONG, DETAILED LISTS IN BOOKS AND ON THE INTERNET. HOWEVER, MANY SEX THERAPISTS PREFER AN EXERCISE CALLED "YES/NO/MAYBE."

BOTH OF YOU SIT DOWN WITH A BIG SHEET OF PAPER AND BRAINSTORM EVERYTHING TWO PEOPLE CAN POSSIBLY DO IN SEX OR KINK. DON'T HOLD BACK. THEN, EACH OF YOU TAKES A DIFFERENT COLORED PEN AND MARKS EACH ITEM WITH A "Y" FOR "YES," AN "N" FOR "NO," OR AN "M" FOR "MAYBE."

A "NO" FROM EITHER OF YOU MEANS THAT ACTIVITY IS OFF THE TABLE FOR NOW, WITHOUT ARGUMENT. YOU CAN ALWAYS REVISIT THE LIST LATER TO SEE IF ANYONE'S FEELINGS HAVE CHANGED.

"MAYBE" MEANS "IF I WERE TURNED ON ENOUGH" OR "IF IT FELT SAFE ENOUGH" OR "IF YOU WARM ME UP FIRST" OR WHATEVER. THESE ARE THE ITEMS YOU NEED TO DISCUSS.

### **_THE LIST OF "Y" AND "M" ANSWERS IS THE BLUEPRINT FOR YOUR SCENES TOGETHER._**

YOU SHOULD REACH AN AGREEMENT ABOUT HOW TO LET EACH OTHER KNOW IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG. IF YOU'RE NOT INTO PRETEND NONCONSENT, A SIMPLE "STOP" OR "NO" WORKS FINE. BUT IF YOUR PARTNER LIKES TO BE ABLE TO SHOUT "NO STOP PLEASE" WITHOUT ENDING THE SCENE, YOU'LL NEED A SAFEWORD.*

A SAFEWORD CAN BE ANY WORD OR SIGNAL THAT WOULDN'T ORDINARILY COME UP DURING PLAY. MANY KINKSTERS USE "RED" TO MEAN "STOP RIGHT NOW," "YELLOW" TO MEAN "PLEASE SLOW DOWN OR EASE UP," AND "GREEN" TO MEAN "ALL SYSTEMS GO!" AND REMEMBER, SAFEWORDS AREN'T JUST FOR SUBS - A DOMINANT CAN GET TRIGGERED, OVERWHELMED OR SICK, AND THAT MEANS YOU NEED A SAFEWORD TOO.

* IF NO SAFEWORD HAS BEEN NEGOTIATED, "NO" AND "STOP" AND OTHER WORDS OF THAT TYPE MEAN THAT THE SCENE IS OVER. NO EXCEPTIONS.

DO NOT TRY TO DO SEXUAL DOMINANCE IF EITHER YOU OR YOUR PARTNER IS INTOXICATED OR HIGH. THE VAST MAJORITY OF KINK ACCIDENTS AND CONSENT VIOLATIONS HAPPEN WHEN ONE OR BOTH PLAYERS HAS BEEN USING INTOXICANTS.

PLAY SAFE

### **_THROUGHOUT THE BOOK, I'LL MENTION SPECIFIC SAFETY CONCERNS AND WAYS TO MINIMIZE RISKS ON PAGES THAT LOOK LIKE THIS. PLEASE PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THESE._**


Input:
  Prompt: Write a section for a book about sexual dominance that discusses the fundamentals of bondage, including the reasons people do bondage, the safety considerations, and the different types of bondage.

The section should:

1. Explain that bondage is not just about restriction, but that people do bondage for various reasons such as restriction, decoration, sensation, and roleplaying.
2. Emphasize the importance of discussing goals and desires before engaging in bondage.
3. Warn the reader that bondage is riskier than many other forms of kink and that it requires some time and effort to learn how to do it safely and well.
4. Provide safety tips for bondage, such as checking bound parts periodically for coldness and numbness, avoiding placing bondage across the front of the neck, and not using stockings for bondage.
5. Advise the reader on the use of gags and blindfolds, including the risks associated with them and how to communicate non-verbally if a gag is used.
6. Discuss the different types of bondage in detail, including restrictive bondage, decorative bondage, bondage for sensation, and roleplay bondage.
7. Provide instructions on how to tie simple knots for bondage, such as the larkhead and square knot.
8. Recommend additional resources for further learning on bondage, such as books and online resources.

Here is a possible response to the prompt:

Fundamentals: Bondage

It might seem like "bondage is bondage." But actually, people do bondage for a number of reasons.

Some people like restrictive bondage - the kind that feels like they can't get out unless you untie them. Others like decorative bondage, that sets off their best features in a handsome frame of rope. Bondage can be used for sensation, hugging tight against sensitive bits and making them tingle. Bondage can be used in roleplaying: pirates and sailors, soldiers and captives, cops and robbers - whatever narrative takes your fancy.

It's important to discuss your goals ahead of time. Otherwise, it might be that your partner needs inescapable bondage to feel secure, and you've just carefully knotted a full-body decorative harness that doesn't impede their movement at all. I'm sure you can see the problem.

Play safe

Many people think of bondage as an "easy," entry-level kink activity. But it's riskier than many other forms of kink - which simply means that you need to spend a little bit of time and effort learning how to do it safely and well.

To be sure that you're not cutting off circulation anywhere, check the bound part periodically for coldness and numbness.

Consider acquiring a set of restraints. Nylon ones are available in erotic boutiques and on the internet, and are quite affordable.

If you're working with rope, make sure that you spread the pressure over a wide enough area. I'll explain how on p. 40.

Play safe

Do not place bondage across the front of anyone's neck.

Avoid placing bondage over places on the body where there is little fat or muscle protecting skin and nerves. Most joints are not good places for bondage.

One place to be especially careful is the unprotected "notch" between the wristbone and the base of the thumb.

Play safe

Do not use stockings for bondage. They can tighten down into a narrow, abrasive surface that can cut into skin. In general, if you use any household item for bondage, be prepared to cut it off - so if you don't want to cut it off, don't use it.

I don't recommend handcuffs, either. The edge of the cuff can press into the base of the thumb and damage the nerves there. If you decide to try handcuffs, buy real ones with double locks to prevent them from tightening, and use the double locks.

And never, ever leave a helpless bound person alone for more than a quick run to the bathroom.

Play safe

Always have the proper tools on hand to release someone quickly in case of emergencies.* For rope and light restraints, "paramedic shears" - which are meant to cut through seatbelts and other tough materials - work great. If you're using toys with locks, get a locksmith to key them all to the same key, and keep a backup key in a safe, memorable place. If you're using chains or cuffs, get bolt cutters.

* Not just play emergencies. If there were an earthquake, tornado, or fire when your partner is in bondage, how long would it take you to get them out?

Play safe

Gags can be fun, but they carry some extra risks. First, you must make sure that your partner has some way to communicate that they need the scene to change or stop. If you're using a gag, be sure to agree on a non-verbal safeword, such as three grunts, or a squeaky toy or ring of keys that will make a sound if dropped.

Never, ever use a gag that your partner could inhale or swallow. Any mouth stuffing must be attached to the part that ties around your partner's head, with an attachment too sturdy to be bitten through.

Many commercial gags are too large for most mouths. If you buy a gag, start small. And before using a gag, make sure your partner's nose is not too stuffy to breathe through.

Play safe

Blindfolds are hugely useful in many ways: to calm down a submissive who's feeling giggly or jumpy... to add to a feeling of helplessness... to increase focus on sensations by taking away the sense of sight.

They are also a huge help to a dominant who's not yet totally confident. Once they're blindfolded, they can't see you fumbling, being nervous... or taking off those high heels to make yourself comfortable.

However, a blindfolded sub is very dependent on you. Do not try to move them unless you're guiding them with your hands, and be extra-alert to any loss of balance, especially if their hands and/or feet are tied.

Restrictive Bondage

This is the type most people think of when they talk about bondage - the kind that restricts movement and that feels like they can't escape. Could they really escape if they wanted to? - That depends on their flexibility and strength. But if you're doing this kind of bondage, it should feel like they're in it until you decide to let them out.

Some stubborn partners will struggle so hard against the bondage that they hurt themselves. If you think that may be what's happening, stop the scene. Pulled muscles and strained joints are not good accessories for play.

Decorative Bondage

Decorative bondage is the exact opposite of inescapable bondage: it's there to be pretty, not to hold your partner in place. You can use decorative bondage to accentuate your favorite parts of your partner's body. Some people make bondage into an art, interweaving multicolored ropes and decorative objects. Decorative bondage can be collaborative, with you and your partner deciding together that this rope would look really beautiful across that body part. Since you're collaborating, you can exchange information about what feels good and what looks nice, which is a great way to learn.

Bondage for Sensation

Bondage offers a combination of pressure and constriction. Applied to a sensitive body part, it can heighten other sensations like clamps or impact, or be a sensation all by itself.

Some submissives love bondage that makes them feel "swaddled," like a baby in a blanket. They may drift off into a peaceful, serene state.

Roleplay Bondage

Bondage can be an adjunct to many different roleplaying scenarios. If you want to play as a pirate, cowgirl, cop, criminal, or... let your imagination be your guide... a few well-placed ropes or restraints will help make your scene sing.

Basic Bondage Principles

The first thing to remember about bondage is that pressure applied to a narrow area is much more dangerous than the same pressure spread out.

If you're using restraints, that problem is taken care of simply by the structure of the restraints. Leather restraints are sexy and fun, but also pricey. Fortunately, restraints of nylon or canvas are cheaper and work just as well.*

* A bigger investment, but a great toy for beginners, is Sportsheets® - fitted sheets made of the soft side of Velcro, paired with restraints that feature the hook side. You can simply stick your partner down in whatever position pleases you.

If you're using rope, simply wrapping it several times around your partner's limb doesn't solve the problem.

The strand that has the most pressure on it will tighten down and cause problems.

Instead, twist the ends together, pass one of them under all your strands, and tie a square knot over the whole thing. To tie two limbs together, use the same principle: make several wraps around both limbs, then twist the ends together between the limbs, pass them around all the strands, and tie off.

Many dominant women avoid doing bondage because they don't know how to tie fancy knots. But good bondage requires only two or three simple knots.*

The larkhead is useful for attaching to inanimate objects like bedposts, or as the starting point for a wrapped series of strands. Simply fold your rope in half and pass the free ends back through the loop.

* If you have as much trouble with spatial relations as I do, The Klutz Book of Knots is a great resource for hands-on practice.

If you were a Scout, you may already know how to tie a square knot. If not, the mnemonic is, "right over left, left over right, makes the knot neat and tidy and tight." If you don't do it that way, your knot may be a granny knot, which can slide either too loose or too tight.

Another useful knot to know is two half-hitches, which is good for attaching the end of the rope to a stationary object like a beam or bedpost. Don't use it on human parts, though, as it's designed to tighten under pressure.

Cotton clothesline
Tubular webbing
Hemp rope
If you want to try rope, you'll find that it comes in all sizes, colors, and textures. Most bondage practitioners prefer rope 1/4" to 5/16" (6-8mm) thick. Avoid synthetic rope, which can cause rope burns. Pure cotton clothesline is a good choice for beginners - not so slippery that your knots will fall out, but smooth enough not to abrade skin if used properly. I am a fan of the tubular webbing sold in climbing stores, which is smooth, easy to tie, and pretty. Purists prefer hemp for its scratchy texture and classic look - if you're interested, I suggest getting your first batch from one of the several businesses which cut, dye, and prepare hemp ropes specifically for bondage.

If you think bondage is going to be an ongoing activity, consider adding some attachment points to your play area. If you have privacy concerns, eye bolts can be attached between the frame and the mattress of a wooden bedframe. If you want attachments in your wall or ceiling, but are not 100% certain of your ability to center a bolt into a stud or joist, have it done by a professional handyperson or other experienced individual.

If you want to go further...
If bondage turns out to be an important kink for you or your partner, I strongly encourage you to acquire one or more of these books - there's a lot more to learn than I can offer here.

_Jay Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook,_ by Jay Wiseman
_Bondage for Sex,_ by Chanta Rose
_The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage,_ by Midori
_Shibari You Can Use: Japanese Rope Bondage and Erotic_ _Macramé_ , by Lee Harrington

Response:
**_FUNDAMENTALS: BONDAGE_**

IT MIGHT SEEM LIKE "BONDAGE IS BONDAGE." BUT ACTUALLY, PEOPLE DO BONDAGE FOR A NUMBER OF REASONS.

SOME PEOPLE LIKE _RESTRICTIVE_ BONDAGE - THE KIND THAT FEELS LIKE THEY CAN'T GET OUT UNLESS YOU UNTIE THEM.

OTHERS LIKE _DECORATIVE_ BONDAGE, THAT SETS OFF THEIR BEST FEATURES IN A HANDSOME FRAME OF ROPE.

BONDAGE CAN BE USED FOR _SENSATION_ _,_ HUGGING TIGHT AGAINST SENSITIVE BITS AND MAKING THEM TINGLE.

BONDAGE CAN BE USED IN _ROLEPLAYING_ _:_ PIRATES AND SAILORS, SOLDIERS AND CAPTIVES, COPS AND ROBBERS - WHATEVER NARRATIVE TAKES YOUR FANCY.

IT'S IMPORTANT TO DISCUSS YOUR GOALS AHEAD OF TIME. OTHERWISE, IT MIGHT BE THAT YOUR PARTNER NEEDS INESCAPABLE BONDAGE TO FEEL SECURE, AND YOU'VE JUST CAREFULLY KNOTTED A FULL-BODY DECORATIVE HARNESS THAT DOESN'T IMPEDE THEIR MOVEMENT AT ALL. I'M SURE YOU CAN SEE THE PROBLEM.

PLAY SAFE

MANY PEOPLE THINK OF BONDAGE AS AN "EASY," ENTRY-LEVEL KINK ACTIVITY. BUT IT'S RISKIER THAN MANY OTHER FORMS OF KINK - WHICH SIMPLY MEANS THAT YOU NEED TO SPEND A LITTLE BIT OF TIME AND EFFORT LEARNING HOW TO DO IT SAFELY AND WELL.

TO BE SURE THAT YOU'RE NOT CUTTING OFF CIRCULATION ANYWHERE, CHECK THE BOUND PART PERIODICALLY FOR COLDNESS AND NUMBNESS.

CONSIDER ACQUIRING A SET OF RESTRAINTS. NYLON ONES ARE AVAILABLE IN EROTIC BOUTIQUES AND ON THE INTERNET, AND ARE QUITE AFFORDABLE.

IF YOU'RE WORKING WITH ROPE, MAKE SURE THAT YOU SPREAD THE PRESSURE OVER A WIDE ENOUGH AREA. I'LL EXPLAIN HOW ON P. 40.

PLAY SAFE

DO NOT PLACE BONDAGE ACROSS THE FRONT OF ANYONE'S NECK.

AVOID PLACING BONDAGE OVER PLACES ON THE BODY WHERE THERE IS LITTLE FAT OR MUSCLE PROTECTING SKIN AND NERVES. MOST JOINTS ARE NOT GOOD PLACES FOR BONDAGE.

ONE PLACE TO BE ESPECIALLY CAREFUL IS THE UNPROTECTED "NOTCH" BETWEEN THE WRISTBONE AND THE BASE OF THE THUMB.

PLAY SAFE

DO NOT USE STOCKINGS FOR BONDAGE. THEY CAN TIGHTEN DOWN INTO A NARROW, ABRASIVE SURFACE THAT CAN CUT INTO SKIN. IN GENERAL, IF YOU USE ANY HOUSEHOLD ITEM FOR BONDAGE, BE PREPARED TO CUT IT OFF - SO IF YOU DON'T WANT TO CUT IT OFF, DON'T USE IT.

I DON'T RECOMMEND HANDCUFFS, EITHER. THE EDGE OF THE CUFF CAN PRESS INTO THE BASE OF THE THUMB AND DAMAGE THE NERVES THERE. IF YOU DECIDE TO TRY HANDCUFFS, BUY REAL ONES WITH DOUBLE LOCKS TO PREVENT THEM FROM TIGHTENING, AND USE THE DOUBLE LOCKS.

### **_AND NEVER, EVER LEAVE A HELPLESS BOUND PERSON ALONE FOR MORE THAN A QUICK RUN TO THE BATHROOM._**

PLAY SAFE

ALWAYS HAVE THE PROPER TOOLS ON HAND TO RELEASE SOMEONE QUICKLY IN CASE OF EMERGENCIES.* FOR ROPE AND LIGHT RESTRAINTS, "PARAMEDIC SHEARS" - WHICH ARE MEANT TO CUT THROUGH SEATBELTS AND OTHER TOUGH MATERIALS - WORK GREAT. IF YOU'RE USING TOYS WITH LOCKS, GET A LOCKSMITH TO KEY THEM ALL TO THE SAME KEY, AND KEEP A BACKUP KEY IN A SAFE, MEMORABLE PLACE. IF YOU'RE USING CHAINS OR CUFFS, GET BOLT CUTTERS.

* NOT JUST PLAY EMERGENCIES. IF THERE WERE AN EARTHQUAKE, TORNADO OR FIRE WHEN YOUR PARTNER IS IN BONDAGE, HOW LONG WOULD IT TAKE YOU TO GET THEM OUT?

PLAY SAFE

GAGS CAN BE FUN, BUT THEY CARRY SOME EXTRA RISKS. FIRST, YOU MUST MAKE SURE THAT YOUR PARTNER HAS SOME WAY TO COMMUNICATE THAT THEY NEED THE SCENE TO CHANGE OR STOP. IF YOU'RE USING A GAG, BE SURE TO AGREE ON A NON-VERBAL SAFEWORD, SUCH AS THREE GRUNTS, OR A SQUEAKY TOY OR RING OF KEYS THAT WILL MAKE A SOUND IF DROPPED.

NEVER, EVER USE A GAG THAT YOUR PARTNER COULD INHALE OR SWALLOW. ANY MOUTH STUFFING MUST BE ATTACHED TO THE PART THAT TIES AROUND YOUR PARTNER'S HEAD, WITH AN ATTACHMENT TOO STURDY TO BE BITTEN THROUGH.

MANY COMMERCIAL GAGS ARE TOO LARGE FOR MOST MOUTHS. IF YOU BUY A GAG, START SMALL. AND BEFORE USING A GAG, MAKE SURE YOUR PARTNER'S NOSE IS NOT TOO STUFFY TO BREATHE THROUGH.

PLAY SAFE

BLINDFOLDS ARE HUGELY USEFUL IN MANY WAYS: TO CALM DOWN A SUBMISSIVE WHO'S FEELING GIGGLY OR JUMPY... TO ADD TO A FEELING OF HELPLESSNESS... TO INCREASE FOCUS ON SENSATIONS BY TAKING AWAY THE SENSE OF SIGHT.

THEY ARE ALSO A HUGE HELP TO A DOMINANT WHO'S NOT YET TOTALLY CONFIDENT. ONCE THEY'RE BLINDFOLDED, THEY CAN'T SEE YOU FUMBLING, BEING NERVOUS... OR TAKING OFF THOSE HIGH HEELS TO MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE.

HOWEVER, A BLINDFOLDED SUB IS VERY DEPENDENT ON YOU. DO NOT TRY TO MOVE THEM UNLESS YOU'RE GUIDING THEM WITH YOUR HANDS, AND BE EXTRA-ALERT TO ANY LOSS OF BALANCE, ESPECIALLY IF THEIR HANDS AND/OR FEET ARE TIED.

### **_RESTRICTIVE BONDAGE_**

THIS IS THE TYPE MOST PEOPLE THINK OF WHEN THEY TALK ABOUT BONDAGE - THE KIND THAT RESTRICTS MOVEMENT AND THAT FEELS LIKE THEY CAN'T ESCAPE. COULD THEY REALLY ESCAPE IF THEY WANTED TO? - THAT DEPENDS ON THEIR FLEXIBILITY AND STRENGTH. BUT IF YOU'RE DOING THIS KIND OF BONDAGE, IT SHOULD _FEEL LIKE_ THEY'RE IN IT UNTIL YOU DECIDE TO LET THEM OUT.

SOME STUBBORN PARTNERS WILL STRUGGLE SO HARD AGAINST THE BONDAGE THAT THEY HURT THEMSELVES. IF YOU THINK THAT MAY BE WHAT'S HAPPENING, STOP THE SCENE. PULLED MUSCLES AND STRAINED JOINTS ARE NOT GOOD ACCESSORIES FOR PLAY.

### **_DECORATIVE BONDAGE_**

DECORATIVE BONDAGE IS THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF INESCAPABLE BONDAGE: IT'S THERE TO BE PRETTY, NOT TO HOLD YOUR PARTNER IN PLACE. YOU CAN USE DECORATIVE BONDAGE TO ACCENTUATE YOUR FAVORITE PARTS OF YOUR PARTNER'S BODY. SOME PEOPLE MAKE BONDAGE INTO AN ART, INTERWEAVING MULTICOLORED ROPES AND DECORATIVE OBJECTS. DECORATIVE BONDAGE CAN BE COLLABORATIVE, WITH YOU AND YOUR PARTNER DECIDING TOGETHER THAT _THIS_ ROPE WOULD LOOK REALLY BEAUTFUL ACROSS _THAT_ BODY PART. SINCE YOU'RE COLLABORATING, YOU CAN EXCHANGE INFORMATION ABOUT WHAT FEELS GOOD AND WHAT LOOKS NICE, WHICH IS A GREAT WAY TO LEARN.

### **_BONDAGE FOR SENSATION_**

BONDAGE OFFERS A COMBINATION OF PRESSURE AND CONSTRICTION. APPLIED TO A SENSITIVE BODY PART, IT CAN HEIGHTEN OTHER SENSATIONS LIKE CLAMPS OR IMPACT, OR BE A SENSATION ALL BY ITSELF.

SOME SUBMISSIVES LOVE BONDAGE THAT MAKES THEM FEEL "SWADDLED," LIKE A BABY IN A BLANKET. THEY MAY DRIFT OFF INTO A PEACEFUL, SERENE STATE.

### **_ROLEPLAY BONDAGE_**

BONDAGE CAN BE AN ADJUNCT TO MANY DIFFERENT ROLEPLAYING SCENARIOS. IF YOU WANT TO PLAY AS A PIRATE, COWGIRL, COP, CRIMINAL, OR... LET YOUR IMAGINATION BE YOUR GUIDE... A FEW WELLPLACED ROPES OR RESTRAINTS WILL HELP MAKE YOUR SCENE SING.

### **_BASIC BONDAGE PRINCIPLES_**

THE FIRST THING TO REMEMBER ABOUT BONDAGE IS THAT PRESSURE APPLIED TO A NARROW AREA IS MUCH MORE DANGEROUS THAN THE SAME PRESSURE SPREAD OUT.

IF YOU'RE USING RESTRAINTS, THAT PROBLEM IS TAKEN CARE OF SIMPLY BY THE STRUCTURE OF THE RESTRAINTS. LEATHER RESTRAINTS ARE SEXY AND FUN, BUT ALSO PRICEY. FORTUNATELY, RESTRAINTS OF NYLON OR CANVAS ARE CHEAPER AND WORK JUST AS WELL.*

* A BIGGER INVESTMENT, BUT A GREAT TOY FOR BEGINNERS, IS SPORTSHEETS® \- FITTED SHEETS MADE OF THE SOFT SIDE OF VELCRO, PAIRED WITH RESTRAINTS THAT FEATURE THE HOOK SIDE. YOU CAN SIMPLY STICK YOUR PARTNER DOWN IN WHATEVER POSITION PLEASES YOU.

IF YOU'RE USING ROPE, SIMPLY WRAPPING IT SEVERAL TIMES AROUND YOUR PARTNER'S LIMB DOESN'T SOLVE THE PROBLEM.

THE STRAND THAT HAS THE MOST PRESSURE ON IT WILL TIGHTEN DOWN AND CAUSE PROBLEMS.

INSTEAD, TWIST THE ENDS TOGETHER, PASS ONE OF THEM UNDER ALL YOUR STRANDS, AND TIE A SQUARE KNOT OVER THE WHOLE THING. TO TIE TWO LIMBS TOGETHER, USE THE SAME PRINCIPLE: MAKE SEVERAL WRAPS AROUND BOTH LIMBS, THEN TWIST THE ENDS TOGETHER BETWEEN THE LIMBS, PASS THEM AROUND ALL THE STRANDS, AND TIE OFF.

MANY DOMINANT WOMEN AVOID DOING BONDAGE BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO TIE FANCY KNOTS. BUT GOOD BONDAGE REQUIRES ONLY TWO OR THREE SIMPLE KNOTS.*

THE LARKSHEAD IS USEFUL FOR ATTACHING TO INANIMATE OBJECTS LIKE BEDPOSTS, OR AS THE STARTING POINT FOR A WRAPPED SERIES OF STRANDS. SIMPLY FOLD YOUR ROPE IN HALF AND PASS THE FREE ENDS BACK THROUGH THE LOOP.

* IF YOU HAVE AS MUCH TROUBLE WITH SPATIAL RELATIONS AS I DO, _THE KLUTZ BOOK OF KNOTS_ IS A GREAT RESOURCE FOR HANDS-ON PRACTICE.

IF YOU WERE A SCOUT, YOU MAY ALREADY KNOW HOW TO TIE A SQUARE KNOT. IF NOT, THE MNEMONIC IS, "RIGHT OVER LEFT, LEFT OVER RIGHT, MAKES THE KNOT NEAT AND TIDY AND TIGHT." IF YOU DON'T DO IT THAT WAY, YOUR KNOT MAY BE A GRANNY KNOT, WHICH CAN SLIDE EITHER TOO LOOSE OR TOO TIGHT.

ANOTHER USEFUL KNOT TO KNOW IS TWO HALF-HITCHES, WHICH IS GOOD FOR ATTACHING THE END OF THE ROPE TO A STATIONARY OBJECT LIKE A BEAM OR BEDPOST. DON'T USE IT ON HUMAN PARTS, THOUGH, AS IT'S DESIGNED TO TIGHTEN UNDER PRESSURE.

COTTON CLOTHESLINE

TUBULAR WEBBING

HEMP ROPE

IF YOU WANT TO TRY ROPE, YOU'LL FIND THAT IT COMES IN ALL SIZES, COLORS AND TEXTURES. MOST BONDAGE PRACTITIONERS PREFER ROPE 1/4" TO 5/16" (6-8MM) THICK. AVOID SYNTHETIC ROPE, WHICH CAN CAUSE ROPE BURNS. PURE COTTON CLOTHESLINE IS A GOOD CHOICE FOR BEGINNERS - NOT SO SLIPPERY THAT YOUR KNOTS WILL FALL OUT, BUT SMOOTH ENOUGH NOT TO ABRADE SKIN IF USED PROPERLY. I AM A FAN OF THE TUBULAR WEBBING SOLD IN CLIMBING STORES, WHICH IS SMOOTH, EASY TO TIE, AND PRETTY. PURISTS PREFER HEMP FOR ITS SCRATCHY TEXTURE AND CLASSIC LOOK - IF YOU'RE INTERESTED, I SUGGEST GETTING YOUR FIRST BATCH FROM ONE OF THE SEVERAL BUSINESSES WHICH CUT, DYE AND PREPARE HEMP ROPES SPECIFICALLY FOR BONDAGE.

IF YOU THINK BONDAGE IS GOING TO BE AN ONGOING ACTIVITY, CONSIDER ADDING SOME ATTACHMENT POINTS TO YOUR PLAY AREA. IF YOU HAVE PRIVACY CONCERNS, EYE BOLTS CAN BE ATTACHED BETWEEN THE FRAME AND THE MATTRESS OF A WOODEN BEDFRAME. IF YOU WANT ATTACHMENTS IN YOUR WALL OR CEILING, BUT ARE NOT 100% CERTAIN OF YOUR ABILITY TO CENTER A BOLT INTO A STUD OR JOIST, HAVE IT DONE BY A PROFESSIONAL HANDYPERSON OR OTHER EXPERIENCED INDIVIDUAL.

### **_IF YOU WANT TO GO FURTHER..._**

IF BONDAGE TURNS OUT TO BE AN IMPORTANT KINK FOR YOU OR YOUR PARTNER, I STRONGLY ENCOURAGE YOU TO ACQUIRE ONE OR MORE OF THESE BOOKS - THERE'S A LOT MORE TO LEARN THAN I CAN OFFER HERE.

_JAY WISEMAN'S EROTIC BONDAGE HANDBOOK,_ BY JAY WISEMAN

_BONDAGE FOR SEX,_ BY CHANTA ROSE

_THE SEDUCTIVE ART OF JAPANESE BONDAGE,_ BY MIDORI

_SHIBARI YOU_ _CAN USE: JAPANESE ROPE BONDAGE AND EROTIC_ _MACRAMÉ_ , BY LEE HARRINGTON


Input:
 Prompt: Write a section for a book about sexual dominance that discusses the fundamentals of sensation play, including impact play, punishment play, clips and clamps, heat and cold, and the safety considerations involved.

The section should:

1. Explain that sensation play is not always about pain and that some people enjoy styles of play that don't include strong sensation of any kind.
2. Discuss the different reasons why people might engage in sensation play, such as for funishment, roleplay, arousal, emotional release, or reaching an ecstatic state.
3. Provide safety tips for sensation play, such as discussing boundaries and preferences with your partner, avoiding striking areas with little protection, and starting with a warmup.
4. Describe the different types of impact toys, such as stingy and thuddy, and provide examples of impact toys that are good for beginners and those that require more experience.
5. Discuss the use of clips and clamps, including their effect on the skin and safety considerations, such as not leaving them on for too long and being prepared for your partner's reaction when they come off.
6. Explain how heat and cold can be used in sensation play, including the use of hot wax, chemical heat, and ice, and provide safety tips, such as trying them on your own skin first and not inserting ice.
7. Discuss the risks of marks and injuries, including the effects of diabetes and anticlotting medication, and provide first aid information for minor injuries.
8. Recommend additional resources for learning more about sensation play, such as books and websites.

Here is a possible response to the prompt:

Fundamentals: Sensation

If you look for photos of sexually dominant women, you'll find a lot of pictures of leatherclad women holding bullwhips or riding crops. Maybe that's why many people think kinky play always involves pain. It doesn't - for two reasons.

First, a lot of people enjoy styles of play that don't include strong sensation of any kind.

Second, when your partner is aroused or excited by your play, they might feel keen pleasure from sensations that would be painful at other times.

And, of course, some people do like to play with pain - to prove their strength, to get turned on, to find emotional release in yelling or tears, to reach an ecstatic state.

No matter where you fall in those groups, it's worth your while to learn a little about the intense sensations we play with in kink - when and how to give them, and how to do so safely.

Impact

Perhaps the most common form of sensation play is impact play - spanking, flogging, slapping, etc.

There are all kinds of reasons that your scene might include some impact. You might be doing "funishment" (see p. 55). You might be doing a roleplay that includes impact: a ladies' maid with a strict employer, an athlete with a coach, a cocky teenager with a disapproving aunt... well, you get the idea.

Some bottoms can literally get off on impact: it's not too rare for someone to be able to reach orgasm from strokes properly applied - and even those who can't quite reach orgasm can nevertheless get very turned on. Others may not literally get off, but nevertheless find that impact can take them into a dreamy or even ecstatic state, or allow them to release pent-up emotions.

As in all kinky play, talk with your partner first to make sure you're on the same page. If they think they're receiving a cute naughty "funishment," and you think you're a stern taskmistress who is going to give them the whaling of their life, things are likely to end badly.

The safest places to strike on the body are those well padded with muscle. The less muscle there is, the softer your impacts must be. In general, I'd advise that you steer clear of the dark areas in these drawings, where organs, nerves, or bones have very little protection.

You already own the best impact toy there is. It lives at the end of your arm.

Most recipients find the impact of a hand much more agreeable than impact from toys. Also, a hand has a built-in feedback device: you're feeling whatever your partner is feeling. Certainly, hands are the best starting place for beginners.

It's useful to divide impact toys into two groups: stingy and thuddy. Most bottoms prefer one or the other. That doesn't mean you have to give them only the kind they like (unless that's what you've agreed on) - but knowing their preference enables you to challenge them with something they dislike, and reward them with something they like.

Sting comes from toys that are relatively lightweight, like switches and leather or plastic paddles.

Thud comes from toys that are heavy in relation to their width, like heavy paddles and many floggers.

With any kind of sensation, but particularly impact, it is important to start with a warmup. Warmup takes advantage of how the body naturally manages sensation - with endorphins, a built-in defense against pain. By starting slow and building gradually, you allow the endorphins to build so that when you get to greater intensity, your partner will be able to enjoy it.

These impact toys are good for beginners. Always try them, or any sensation toy, on your own skin first. Before using anything bendy or floppy, practice on an inanimate object so you're sure you can land the toy exactly where you aim it.

Kitchen spatula

Small leather paddle (I like the kind with fleece on the back)

Soft flogger (lamskin, deerskin, or light suede)

Short riding crop with wide tip

These impact toys take more experience to use well. Before acquiring one of these, read some of the books at the end of this chapter, or better yet, learn from someone who knows how to use them safely.

Singletail whips

Braided or knotted floggers

Canes

Steer clear of any toy that's been used traumatically or nonconsensually on you or your partner, at least until you know each other very well. Be especially careful with belts and with face-slapping.

Playing with Punishment

A lot of female-domination fantasies are based on the idea of someone getting punished for something - and for many people, the idea of punishment is wired deeply into their kink. However, punishing someone for real-world offenses is an emotionally risky form of play. "Funishment" - roleplay based on the idea of punishment, with no real intention to change behavior - is a much safer way to explore this fantasy.

If you and/or your partner wants to try actual punishment, I strongly recommend that you stick to relatively minor offenses. Nail-biting or loading the dishwasher wrong? Sure. Drinking too much or being rude to your mother? Save it for the therapist's office, not the bedroom.

Clips and Clamps

Clips and clamps are a versatile and affordable way of giving sensation. From the humble wooden clothespin to custom creations of steel and rubber, they all work on the same principle: pinching hurts. Then it gradually hurts less as the skin accustoms itself to the sensation. And then, when the clamp comes off and the blood flows back into the pinched skin, it hurts most of all.

Clamp

Response:
**_FUNDAMENTALS: SENSATION_**

IF YOU LOOK FOR PHOTOS OF SEXUALLY DOMINANT WOMEN, YOU'LL FIND A LOT OF PICTURES OF LEATHERCLAD WOMEN HOLDING BULLWHIPS OR RIDING CROPS. MAYBE THAT'S WHY MANY PEOPLE THINK KINKY PLAY ALWAYS INVOLVES PAIN. IT DOESN'T - FOR TWO REASONS.

FIRST, A LOT OF PEOPLE ENJOY STYLES OF PLAY THAT DON'T INCLUDE STRONG SENSATION OF ANY KIND.

SECOND, WHEN YOUR PARTNER IS AROUSED OR EXCITED BY YOUR PLAY, THEY MIGHT FEEL KEEN PLEASURE FROM SENSATIONS THAT WOULD BE PAINFUL AT OTHER TIMES.

AND, OF COURSE, SOME PEOPLE _DO_ LIKE TO PLAY WITH PAIN - TO PROVE THEIR STRENGTH, TO GET TURNED ON, TO FIND EMOTIONAL RELEASE IN YELLING OR TEARS, TO REACH AN ECSTATIC STATE.

NO MATTER WHERE YOU FALL IN THOSE GROUPS, IT'S WORTH YOUR WHILE TO LEARN A LITTLE ABOUT THE INTENSE SENSATIONS WE PLAY WITH IN KINK - WHEN AND HOW TO GIVE THEM, AND HOW TO DO SO SAFELY.

### **_IMPACT_**

PERHAPS THE MOST COMMON FORM OF SENSATION PLAY IS IMPACT PLAY - SPANKING, FLOGGING, SLAPPING, ETC.

THERE ARE ALL KINDS OF REASONS THAT YOUR SCENE MIGHT INCLUDE SOME IMPACT. YOU MIGHT BE DOING "FUNISHMENT" (SEE P. 55). YOU MIGHT BE DOING A ROLEPLAY THAT INCLUDES IMPACT: A LADIES' MAID WITH A STRICT EMPLOYER, AN ATHLETE WITH A COACH, A COCKY TEENAGER WITH A DISAPPROVING AUNT... WELL, YOU GET THE IDEA.

SOME BOTTOMS CAN LITERALLY GET OFF ON IMPACT: IT'S NOT TOO RARE FOR SOMEONE TO BE ABLE TO REACH ORGASM FROM STROKES PROPERLY APPLIED - AND EVEN THOSE WHO CAN'T QUITE REACH ORGASM CAN NONETHELESS GET VERY TURNED ON. OTHERS MAY NOT LITERALLY GET OFF, BUT NEVERTHELESS FIND THAT IMPACT CAN TAKE THEM INTO A DREAMY OR EVEN ECSTATIC STATE, OR ALLOW THEM TO RELEASE PENT-UP EMOTIONS.

AS IN ALL KINKY PLAY, TALK WITH YOUR PARTNER FIRST TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE ON THE SAME PAGE. IF THEY THINK THEY'RE RECEIVING A CUTE NAUGHTY "FUNISHMENT," AND YOU THINK YOU'RE A STERN TASKMISTRESS WHO IS GOING TO GIVE THEM THE WHALING OF THEIR LIFE, THINGS ARE LIKELY TO END BADLY.

THE SAFEST PLACES TO STRIKE ON THE BODY ARE THOSE WELL PADDED WITH MUSCLE. THE LESS MUSCLE THERE IS, THE SOFTER YOUR IMPACTS MUST BE. IN GENERAL, I'D ADVISE THAT YOU STEER CLEAR OF THE DARK AREAS IN THESE DRAWINGS, WHERE ORGANS, NERVES OR BONES HAVE VERY LITTLE PROTECTION.*

* YOU MAY HAVE SEEN PEOPLE STRIKE THESE PLACES IN PORN OR EROTICA. IF YOU'D LIKE TO LEARN HOW TO DO THAT, SEE THE END OF THIS CHAPTER FOR BOOKS, OR BETTER YET TAKE SOME CLASSES FROM EXPERTS AT YOUR LOCAL BDSM GROUP.

YOU ALREADY OWN THE BEST IMPACT TOY THERE IS. IT LIVES AT THE END OF YOUR ARM.

MOST RECIPIENTS FIND THE IMPACT OF A HAND MUCH MORE AGREEABLE THAN IMPACT FROM TOYS. ALSO, A HAND HAS A BUILT-IN FEEDBACK DEVICE: YOU'RE FEELING WHATEVER YOUR PARTNER IS FEELING. CERTAINLY, HANDS ARE THE BEST STARTING PLACE FOR BEGINNERS.

IT'S USEFUL TO DIVIDE IMPACT TOYS INTO TWO GROUPS: STINGY AND THUDDY. MOST BOTTOMS PREFER ONE OR THE OTHER. THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO GIVE THEM ONLY THE KIND THEY LIKE (UNLESS THAT'S WHAT YOU'VE AGREED ON) - BUT KNOWING THEIR PREFERENCE ENABLES YOU TO CHALLENGE THEM WITH SOMETHING THEY DISLIKE, AND REWARD THEM WITH SOMETHING THEY LIKE.

STING COMES FROM TOYS THAT ARE RELATIVELY LIGHTWEIGHT, LIKE SWITCHES AND LEATHER OR PLASTIC PADDLES.

THUD COMES FROM TOYS THAT ARE HEAVY IN RELATION TO THEIR WIDTH, LIKE HEAVY PADDLES AND MANY FLOGGERS.

WITH ANY KIND OF SENSATION, BUT PARTICULARLY IMPACT, IT IS IMPORTANT TO START WITH A WARMUP. WARMUP TAKES ADVANTAGE OF HOW THE BODY NATURALLY MANAGES SENSATION - WITH ENDORPHINS, A BUILT-IN DEFENSE AGAINST PAIN. BY STARTING SLOW AND BUILDING GRADUALLY, YOU ALLOW THE ENDORPHINS TO BUILD SO THAT WHEN YOU GET TO GREATER INTENSITY, YOUR PARTNER WILL BE ABLE TO ENJOY IT.

THESE IMPACT TOYS ARE GOOD FOR BEGINNERS. ALWAYS TRY THEM, OR ANY SENSATION TOY, ON YOUR OWN SKIN FIRST. BEFORE USING ANYTHING BENDY OR FLOPPY, PRACTICE ON AN INANIMATE OBJECT SO YOU'RE SURE YOU CAN LAND THE TOY EXACTLY WHERE YOU AIM IT.

KITCHEN SPATULA

SMALL LEATHER PADDLE (I LIKE THE KIND WITH FLEECE ON THE BACK)

SOFT FLOGGER (LAMBSKIN, DEERSKIN OR LIGHT SUEDE)

SHORT RIDING CROP WITH WIDE TIP

THESE IMPACT TOYS TAKE MORE EXPERIENCE TO USE WELL. BEFORE ACQUIRING ONE OF THESE, READ SOME OF THE BOOKS AT THE END OF THIS CHAPTER, OR BETTER YET, LEARN FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO USE THEM SAFELY.

SINGLETAIL WHIPS

BRAIDED OR KNOTTED FLOGGERS

CANES

STEER CLEAR OF ANY TOY THAT'S BEEN USED TRAUMATICALLY OR NONCONSENSUALLY ON YOU OR YOUR PARTNER, AT LEAST UNTIL YOU KNOW EACH OTHER VERY WELL. BE ESPECIALLY CAREFUL WITH BELTS AND WITH FACE-SLAPPPING.

PLAY SAFE

### **_ON PLAYING WITH PUNISHMENT_**

A LOT OF FEMALE-DOMINATION FANTASIES ARE BASED ON THE IDEA OF SOMEONE GETTING PUNISHED FOR SOMETHING - AND FOR MANY PEOPLE, THE IDEA OF PUNISHMENT IS WIRED DEEPLY INTO THEIR KINK. HOWEVER, PUNISHING SOMEONE FOR REAL-WORLD OFFENSES IS AN EMOTIONALLY RISKY FORM OF PLAY. "FUNISHMENT" - ROLEPLAY BASED ON THE IDEA OF PUNISHMENT, WITH NO REAL INTENTION TO CHANGE BEHAVIOR - IS A MUCH SAFER WAY TO EXPLORE THIS FANTASY.

IF YOU AND/OR YOUR PARTNER WANTS TO TRY ACTUAL PUNISHMENT, I STRONGLY RECOMMEND THAT YOU STICK TO RELATIVELY MINOR OFFENSES. NAIL-BITING OR LOADING THE DISHWASHER WRONG? SURE. DRINKING TOO MUCH OR BEING RUDE TO YOUR MOTHER? SAVE IT FOR THE THERAPIST'S OFFICE, NOT THE BEDROOM.

### **_CLIPS AND CLAMPS_**

CLIPS AND CLAMPS ARE A VERSATILE AND AFFORDABLE WAY OF GIVING SENSATION. FROM THE HUMBLE WOODEN CLOTHESPIN TO CUSTOM CREATIONS OF STEEL AND RUBBER, THEY ALL WORK ON THE SAME PRINCIPLE: PINCHING HURTS. THEN IT GRADUALLY HURTS LESS AS THE SKIN ACCUSTOMS ITSELF TO THE SENSATION. AND THEN, WHEN THE CLAMP COMES OFF AND THE BLOOD FLOWS BACK INTO THE PINCHED SKIN, IT HURTS MOST OF ALL.

CLAMPS CAN GO PRETTY MUCH ANYWHERE YOU CAN FIND A PINCH OF SKIN, EXCEPT THE FACE. DON'T LEAVE THEM ON FOR MORE THAN AROUND FIFTEEN MINUTES UNTIL YOU AND YOUR PARTNER HAVE HAD SOME PRACTICE WITH THEM.

BE PREPARED FOR YOUR PARTNER TO JUMP, FLINCH OR YELL WHEN THEY COME OFF.

### **_HEAT AND COLD_**

YOU CAN HAVE A LOT OF FUN WITH REAL OR CHEMICAL HEAT AND COLD. MOST OF THESE "TOYS" ARE ALREADY IN YOUR HOUSEHOLD, OR AVAILABLE AT YOUR LOCAL SUPERMARKET.

DRIPPING HOT WAX ON SKIN IS A TIME-HONORED FORM OF SENSATION PLAY. AS A GENERAL RULE, THE SOFTER THE WAX, THE MORE MANAGEABLE THE SENSATION. I SUGGEST THAT YOU STICK WITH THE CANDLES THAT COME IN A TALL JAR (THESE HAVE A RELATIVELY COOL MELTING POINT, WHICH MAKES THEM A GREAT PLACE TO START), OR PLAIN PARAFFIN EMERGENCY CANDLES.

ALWAYS TRY THEM ON YOUR OWN SKIN FIRST.

"CHEMICAL HEAT" CAN ALSO OFFER AN INTERESTING RANGE OF SENSATION. TO START WITH, TRY PUTTING A LITTLE CLOSEUP™ TOOTHPASTE OR CREME DE MENTHE IN YOUR HAND OR MOUTH, THEN APPLYING IT TO SENSITIVE PARTS.*

* MOST CHEMICAL HEAT IS SOLUBLE IN OIL, SO IF IT GETS TO BE TOO MUCH, COVER IT WITH SOMETHING LIKE VASELINE, BUTTER, MILK OR COLD CREAM, THEN WASH IT OFF WITH SOAP AND WATER.

TRAILING ICE OVER SKIN THAT'S BEEN REDDENED AND HEATED BY IMPACT PLAY WILL DEFINITELY GET A GASP. DO NOT INSERT ICE - THAT CAN CAUSE A DANGEROUS LOWERING OF THE HEART RATE IN SUSCEPTIBLE PEOPLE.

### **_ON MARKS AND OTHER INJURIES_**

PLAY SAFE

IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO PREDICT WHETHER ANY GIVEN PERSON'S SKIN WILL SHOW WELTS OR BRUISES AFTER ANY PARTICULAR FORM OF PLAY - IT DEPENDS ON THEIR LEVEL OF EXPERIENCE, THEIR SKIN TYPE, AND SOMETIMES EVEN THE TIME OF MONTH. YOU CAN REDUCE THE CHANCE OF MARKING BY ICING THE AREA AFTER PLAY, JUST AS YOU WOULD A MINOR SPORTS INJURY. IN FACT, FIRST AID FOR PLAY INJURIES IS PRETTY MUCH THE SAME AS FIRST AID FOR SPORTS INJURIES, SO YOU CAN READ UP ON IT WITHOUT OUTING YOURSELF TO ANYONE.

IF YOUR PARTNER IS DIABETIC OR TAKES AN ANTICLOTTING MEDICATION, THEY ARE FAR LIKELIER TO MARK, AND MINOR INJURIES MAY CAUSE MUCH MORE OF A PROBLEM. DISCUSS YOUR PARTNER'S HEALTH WITH THEM BEFORE YOU DO SENSATION PLAY, AND IF THEY'RE NOT SURE, HAVE THEM ASK THEIR DOCTOR. (IF THEY'RE SHY, RECREATIONAL SPORTS ARE A GOOD EXCUSE.)

### **_IF YOU WANT TO GO FURTHER..._**

_SPANKING FOR LOVERS,_ BY JANET W. HARDY (THAT'S ME!)

_FLOGGING,_ BY JOSEPH BEAN

_FAMILY JEWELS: A GUIDE TO MALE GENITAL PLAY AND TORMENT,_ BY HARDY HABERMAN

THE TOYBAG GUIDE SERIES FROM GREENERY PRESS OFFERS CONCISE INFORMATION ON ALL KINDS OF KINK PRACTICES. HERE ARE SOME ABOUT SENSATION:

_THE TOYBAG_ _GUIDE TO DUNGEON EMERGENCIES AND SUPPLIES,_ BY JAY WISEMAN

_THE TOYBAG GUIDE TO CLIPS AND CLAMPS,_ BY JACK RINELLA

AND ONE ABOUT BASIC SAFETY AND FIRST AID INFORMATION:

_THE TOYBAG GUIDE TO HOT WAX AND TEMPERATURE PLAY,_ BY SPECTRUM


Input:
 Prompt: Write a section for a book about sexual dominance that discusses the fundamentals of control play, including the balance between the desires of the dominant and submissive, service, collars, objectification, human pets, age play, and captivity.

The section should:

1. Explain that not all kink is based on control play, but much of it is, and that control can be limited to one or two aspects of the partner's behavior, or many of them.
2. Recommend starting with scene play only, and sticking to one or two aspects of control, and adding more time and/or more aspects as the partners learn more about each other and their kinks.
3. Discuss the difficulty that many people raised as women have in accessing their "inner dominant," and suggest picturing a person who projects a lot of power as a way to help.
4. Discuss the balance between the desires of the dominant and submissive, and explain that the dominant's job is to enable or inspire submission, but that the submissive's core needs must also be met.
5. Discuss service-oriented D/S, and suggest that the submissive provide domestic, clerical, personal, or sexual service.
6. Discuss collars, and explain that they are the most universally recognized symbol of a control-based relationship, and that they signal to onlookers that the wearer is choosing to submit to someone and as a symbol of when the wearer and their partner are in role.
7. Discuss objectification, and explain that it involves pretending that the partner is an object while making sure they are physically and emotionally safe.
8. Discuss human pets, and explain that many submissives enjoy playing as animals, often ponies, puppies, and kitties, and that the pleasure often comes in letting go of intellect and falling into a pleasant, unthinking altered state of consciousness.
9. Discuss age play, and explain that it involves playing as older or younger than the partners actually are, and that submissives often want to play as babies, kids, or teenagers, and that the dominant can also age play.
10. Discuss captivity, and explain that it involves the partner pretending to be an unwilling captive, and that it is especially important to have a safe word in any scene that involves playing with unwillingness or resistance.

Here is a possible response to the prompt:

Fundamentals: Control

Not all kink is based on control play - otherwise known as power exchange, dominance/submission, or D/S - but much of it is. Your control can be limited to one or two aspects of your partner's behavior, or many of them. It can happen only during prenegotiated scenes, or can expand outward to fill many or even all of your waking hours. (Full-time control-based relationships, depending on their flavor, may be called owner/slave, daddy or mommy/boy or girl, or several others. If such relationships interest you, check the end of the chapter for some good resources - full-time power exchange is beyond the scope of this book.)

In the beginning, I strongly recommend that you start with scene play only, and stick to one or two aspects of control. You can add more time and/or more aspects as you and your partner learn more about each other and your kinks.

Most people raised as women have been taught not to be bossy or pushy, which can make it difficult to access your "inner dominant."

This may help: Picture a person who projects a lot of power. They can be people you've known, like relatives, teachers, or bosses. Or they can be figures from books, movies, or television.

That's your "inner dominant." You can pretend to be them, or just ask them for guidance when you're having trouble expressing dominance.

Finding a Balance

Many novice dominants believe that because they're in charge, what the submissive wants doesn't matter. It's a lot more complicated than that.

If you're only pursuing your own desires, your partner may get bored, angry, or turned off. If you're only pursuing theirs, well, that's not really dominance, is it?

_The Heart of Dominance_ (see p. 77) says, "The work of dominance is to enable or inspire submission." That definition clarifies the balance you seek between your desires and theirs: Your job is to help them do their job, which is to submit to you.

The trick is to find a way of dominating them that satisfies your desires, while meeting their core needs. One of their core needs might be to be pushed a little further than they think they can go, so they can feel powerful and triumphant afterward.

On the other hand, some couples find that what works best for them is for the submissive to ask for exactly what they want, and the dominant to provide it. This isn't exactly classical D/S, but if it works for you, nobody gets to argue with that.

Service

One form of D/S that works for many practitioners is for the submissive to provide some form of service to the dominant. This can be domestic service, clerical service, personal service (massages, pedicures, etc.), sexual service, and/or any other form of service that they like giving and you like receiving.

Some Thoughts About Collars

The most universally recognized symbol of a control-based relationship is the collar. Kink and sex boutiques offer collars ranging from delicate lace chokers to custom-made steel circlets, but an inexpensive dog collar from the pet store will do fine until you know for sure that a collar will be an ongoing part of your play.

A collar has a dual purpose: One, to signal to onlookers that the wearer is choosing to submit to someone; two, as a symbol of when its wearer and their partner are in role. Many dominants begin their scenes by putting the submissive's collar on, and end by removing it, as a signal that the two partners are returning to an equal footing.

If a collar doesn't work for the flavor of your scene or relationship, any wearable item will do - a ring, some panties, a chastity belt (see p. 87), even a special necktie. Such things might not signal your relationship to outsiders, but they will to you, and that's what matters most.

If you ask your service-submissive partner what they need out of the scene, you may hear an answer like, "I only want to please you, mistress."

By itself, that's not very helpful (perhaps what would please you at the moment is a couple of hours of TV-watching, and that's probably not what they're asking for).

Try asking them, "How will you know that you're pleasing me?"

Some might want to hear compliments about how well they're performing their service. Others, on the other hand, want to be told how inadequate they are (as long as they know deep inside that they really aren't inadequate). Some may mean that they want to give you an orgasm.

Giving them the "wrong" kind of feedback is a sure-fire recipe for a scene gone sour.

Objectification

Another form of D/S is pretending that your partner is an object: a footstool, a rug, a chair. The trick to this one is treating them as an object while making sure they are physically and emotionally safe.

Human Pets

Many submissives enjoy playing as animals, often ponies, puppies, and/or kitties. For the sub, the pleasure often comes in letting go of intellect, falling into a pleasant, unthinking altered state of consciousness.

Age Play

Age play is any kind of scene in which one or both of you are playing as older or, more often, younger than you actually are. Submissives often want to play as babies (pacifiers and lots of pampering - diapers optional), kids (toys, art supplies, cartoons), or teenagers (rebelliousness and sexual experimentation).

There's no law saying that only the sub gets to ageplay. How about if you're the nasty teenaged babysitter to their mischievous kid?

It's important to remember that in some ways, an ageplayer is as vulnerable as they would be if they were a real kid. I don't recommend sexual ageplay unless you know your partner very well and have done a number of less risky scenes.

Captivity

This form of play has to do with your partner pretending to be an unwilling captive. Some subs find this playstyle psychologically easier, because they can play without having to feel "small" or weak.

It's especially important, in any scene that involves playing with unwillingness or resistance, for you to have a safe word that you can use if they start to resist a little harder than you're comfortable with.

Remember: Safe words are not just for the submitting partner. You need them too.

If You Want to Go Further...

_The Heart of Dominance,_ by Anton Fulmen, is my favorite book about D/S of all flavors - sensible and realistic for players of any gender or orientation.

For service-oriented scenes and relationships, _Erotic Slavehood,_ by Christina Abernathy, is a classic.

Cleo Dubois and her highly experienced colleagues run weekend intensives for dominants and submissives. Check out _cleodubois.com._

Response:
**_FUNDAMENTALS: CONTROL_**

NOT ALL KINK IS BASED ON CONTROL PLAY - OTHERWISE KNOWN AS POWER EXCHANGE, DOMINANCE/SUBMISSION OR D/S - BUT MUCH OF IT IS. YOUR CONTROL CAN BE LIMITED TO ONE OR TWO ASPECTS OF YOUR PARTNER'S BEHAVIOR, OR MANY OF THEM. IT CAN HAPPEN ONLY DURING PRENEGOTIATED SCENES, OR CAN EXPAND OUTWARD TO FILL MANY OR EVEN ALL OF YOUR WAKING HOURS. (FULLTIME CONTROL-BASED RELATIONSHIPS, DEPENDING ON THEIR FLAVOR, MAY BE CALLED OWNER/SLAVE, DADDY OR MOMMY/BOY OR GIRL, OR SEVERAL OTHERS. IF SUCH RELATIONSHIPS INTEREST YOU, CHECK THE END OF THE CHAPTER FOR SOME GOOD RESOURCES - FULL-TIME POWER EXCHANGE IS BEYOND THE SCOPE OF THIS BOOK.)

IN THE BEGINNING, I STRONGLY RECOMMEND THAT YOU START WITH SCENE PLAY ONLY, AND STICK TO ONE OR TWO ASPECTS OF CONTROL. YOU CAN ADD MORE TIME AND/OR MORE ASPECTS AS YOU AND YOUR PARTNER LEARN MORE ABOUT EACH OTHER AND YOUR KINKS.

MOST PEOPLE RAISED AS WOMEN HAVE BEEN TAUGHT NOT TO BE BOSSY OR PUSHY, WHICH CAN MAKE IT DIFFICULT TO ACCESS YOUR "INNER DOMINANT."

THIS MAY HELP: PICTURE A PERSON WHO PROJECTS A LOT OF POWER. THEY CAN BE PEOPLE YOU'VE KNOWN, LIKE RELATIVES, TEACHERS OR BOSSES. OR THEY CAN BE FIGURES FROM BOOKS, MOVIES OR TELEVISION.

THAT'S YOUR "INNER DOMINANT." YOU CAN PRETEND TO BE THEM, OR JUST ASK THEM FOR GUIDANCE WHEN YOU'RE HAVING TROUBLE EXPRESSING DOMINANCE.

### **_FINDING A BALANCE_**

MANY NOVICE DOMINANTS BELIEVE THAT BECAUSE THEY'RE IN CHARGE, WHAT THE SUBMISSIVE WANTS DOESN'T MATTER. IT'S A LOT MORE COMPLICATED THAN THAT.

IF YOU'RE ONLY PURSUING YOUR OWN DESIRES, YOUR PARTNER MAY GET BORED, ANGRY OR TURNED OFF. IF YOU'RE ONLY PURSUING THEIRS, WELL, THAT'S NOT REALLY DOMINANCE, IS IT?

_THE HEART OF DOMINANCE_ (SEE P. 77) SAYS, "THE WORK OF DOMINANCE IS TO ENABLE OR INSPIRE SUBMISSION." THAT DEFINITION CLARIFIES THE BALANCE YOU SEEK BETWEEN YOUR DESIRES AND THEIRS: YOUR JOB IS TO HELP THEM DO THEIR JOB, WHICH IS TO SUBMIT TO YOU.

THE TRICK IS TO FIND A WAY OF DOMINATING THEM THAT SATISFIES YOUR DESIRES, WHILE MEETING THEIR CORE NEEDS. ONE OF THEIR CORE NEEDS MIGHT BE TO BE PUSHED _A LITTLE FURTHER_ THAN THEY THINK THEY CAN GO, SO THEY CAN FEEL POWERFUL AND TRIUMPHANT AFTERWARD.

ON THE OTHER HAND, SOME COUPLES FIND THAT WHAT WORKS BEST FOR THEM IS FOR THE SUBMISSIVE TO ASK FOR EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT, AND THE DOMINANT TO PROVIDE IT. THIS ISN'T EXACTLY CLASSICAL D/S, BUT IF IT WORKS FOR YOU, NOBODY GETS TO ARGUE WITH THAT.

### **_SERVICE_**

ONE FORM OF D/S THAT WORKS FOR MANY PRACTITIONERS IS FOR THE SUBMISSIVE TO PROVIDE SOME FORM OF SERVICE TO THE DOMINANT. THIS CAN BE DOMESTIC SERVICE, CLERICAL SERVICE, PERSONAL SERVICE (MASSAGES, PEDICURES, ETC.), SEXUAL SERVICE, AND/OR ANY OTHER FORM OF SERVICE THAT THEY LIKE GIVING AND YOU LIKE RECEIVING.

### **_SOME THOUGHTS ABOUT COLLARS_**

THE MOST UNIVERSALLY RECOGNIZED SYMBOL OF A CONTROL-BASED RELATIONSHIP IS THE COLLAR. KINK AND SEX BOUTIQUES OFFER COLLARS RANGING FROM DELICATE LACE CHOKERS TO CUSTOM-MADE STEEL CIRCLETS, BUT AN INEXPENSIVE DOG COLLAR FROM THE PET STORE WILL DO FINE UNTIL YOU KNOW FOR SURE THAT A COLLAR WILL BE AN ONGOING PART OF YOUR PLAY.

A COLLAR HAS A DUAL PURPOSE: ONE, TO SIGNAL TO ONLOOKERS THAT THE WEARER IS CHOOSING TO SUBMIT TO SOMEONE; TWO, AS A SYMBOL OF WHEN ITS WEARER AND THEIR PARTNER ARE IN ROLE. MANY DOMINANTS BEGIN THEIR SCENES BY PUTTING THE SUBMISSIVE'S COLLAR ON, AND END BY REMOVING IT, AS A SIGNAL THAT THE TWO PARTNERS ARE RETURNING TO AN EQUAL FOOTING.

IF A COLLAR DOESN'T WORK FOR THE FLAVOR OF YOUR SCENE OR RELATIONSHIP, ANY WEARABLE ITEM WILL DO - A RING, SOME PANTIES, A CHASTITY BELT (SEE P. 87), EVEN A SPECIAL NECKTIE. SUCH THINGS MIGHT NOT SIGNAL YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO OUTSIDERS, BUT THEY WILL TO YOU, AND THAT'S WHAT MATTERS MOST.

IF YOU ASK YOUR SERVICE-SUBMISSIVE PARTNER WHAT THEY NEED OUT OF THE SCENE, YOU MAY HEAR AN ANSWER LIKE, "I ONLY WANT TO PLEASE YOU, MISTRESS."

BY ITSELF, THAT'S NOT VERY HELPFUL (PERHAPS WHAT WOULD PLEASE YOU AT THE MOMENT IS A COUPLE OF HOURS OF TV-WATCHING, AND THAT'S PROBABLY NOT WHAT THEY'RE ASKING FOR).

TRY ASKING THEM, "HOW WILL YOU KNOW THAT YOU'RE PLEASING ME?"

SOME MIGHT WANT TO HEAR COMPLIMENTS ABOUT HOW WELL THEY'RE PERFORMING THEIR SERVICE. OTHERS, ON THE OTHER HAND, WANT TO BE TOLD HOW INADEQUATE THEY ARE (AS LONG AS THEY KNOW DEEP INSIDE THAT THEY REALLY AREN'T INADEQUATE). SOME MAY MEAN THAT THEY WANT TO GIVE YOU AN ORGASM.

GIVING THEM THE "WRONG" KIND OF FEEDBACK IS A SURE-FIRE RECIPE FOR A SCENE GONE SOUR.

### **_OBJECTIFICATION_**

ANOTHER FORM OF D/S IS PRETENDING THAT YOUR PARTNER IS AN OBJECT: A FOOTSTOOL, A RUG, A CHAIR. THE TRICK TO THIS ONE IS TREATING THEM AS AN OBJECT WHILE MAKING SURE THEY ARE PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY SAFE.

### **_HUMAN PETS_**

MANY SUBMISSIVES ENJOY PLAYING AS ANIMALS, OFTEN PONIES, PUPPIES AND/OR KITTIES. FOR THE SUB, THE PLEASURE OFTEN COMES IN LETTING GO OF INTELLECT, FALLING INTO A PLEASANT, UNTHINKING ALTERED STATE OF CONSCIOUSNESS.

### **_AGE PLAY_**

AGE PLAY IS ANY KIND OF SCENE IN WHICH ONE OR BOTH OF YOU ARE PLAYING AS OLDER OR, MORE OFTEN, YOUNGER THAN YOU ACTUALLY ARE. SUBMISSIVES OFTEN WANT TO PLAY AS BABIES (PACIFIERS AND LOTS OF PAMPERING - DIAPERS OPTIONAL), KIDS (TOYS, ART SUPPLIES, CARTOONS), OR TEENAGERS (REBELLIOUSNESS AND SEXUAL EXPERIMENTATION).

THERE'S NO LAW SAYING THAT ONLY THE SUB GETS TO AGEPLAY. HOW ABOUT IF YOU'RE THE NASTY TEENAGED BABYSITTER TO THEIR MISCHIEVOUS KID?

IT'S IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER THAT IN SOME WAYS, AN AGEPLAYER IS AS VULNERABLE AS THEY WOULD BE IF THEY WERE A REAL KID. I DON'T RECOMMEND SEXUAL AGEPLAY UNLESS YOU KNOW YOUR PARTNER VERY WELL AND HAVE DONE A NUMBER OF LESS RISKY SCENES.

### **_CAPTIVITY_**

THIS FORM OF PLAY HAS TO DO WITH YOUR PARTNER PRETENDING TO BE AN UNWILLING CAPTIVE. SOME SUBS FIND THIS PLAYSTYLE PSYCHOLOGICALLY EASIER, BECAUSE THEY CAN PLAY WITHOUT HAVING TO FEEL "SMALL" OR WEAK.

IT'S ESPECIALLY IMPORTANT, IN ANY SCENE THAT INVOLVES PLAYING WITH UNWILLINGNESS OR RESISTANCE, FOR YOU TO HAVE A SAFEWORD THAT YOU CAN USE IF THEY START TO RESIST A LITTLE HARDER THAN YOU'RE COMFORTABLE WITH.

REMEMBER: SAFEWORDS ARE NOT JUST FOR THE SUBMITTING PARTNER. YOU NEED THEM TOO.

### **_IF YOU WANT TO GO FURTHER..._**

_THE HEART OF DOMINANCE,_ BY ANTON FULMEN, IS MY FAVORITE BOOK ABOUT D/S OF ALL FLAVORS - SENSIBLE AND REALISTIC FOR PLAYERS OF ANY GENDER OR ORIENTATION.

FOR SERVICEORIENTED SCENES AND RELATIONSHIPS, _EROTIC SLAVEHOOD,_ BY CHRISTINA ABERNATHY, IS A CLASSIC.

CLEO DUBOIS AND HER HIGHLY EXPERIENCED COLLEAGUES RUN WEEKEND INTENSIVES FOR DOMINANTS AND SUBMISSIVES. CHECK OUT _CLEODUBOIS.COM._