Input: Write a detailed section about G-spot stimulation and female ejaculation, including its history, anatomy, and techniques for stimulation. Begin by discussing the origins of the G-spot and its naming after German gynecologist Ernest Gräfenberg. Provide information about the anatomy of the G-spot, including its location and the surrounding spongy tissue. Discuss how to find the G-spot and the sensations that may be experienced during stimulation. Write about the tools and techniques that can be used for G-spot stimulation, including fingers, toys, and the penis. Provide tips on how to make a woman ejaculate, including deep breathing, relaxation, and the importance of hydration. Discuss the possible reasons why some women ejaculate while others do not. Include information about the fluid produced during female ejaculation, including its chemical makeup and the possible reasons for variations in the amount produced. Discuss different body positions that may be useful for G-spot stimulation and female ejaculation. Finally, address any concerns or misconceptions about female ejaculation, such as the belief that it is the same as urination or that it is not a normal sexual response. Provide resources for further reading and research on the topic.

Response:
###### 5

## HIT THE SPOT

### _G-Spot Stimulation and Female Ejaculation_

#### What's the G for?

Before it was officially named by the scientific community, the G-spot was referred to in research and literature as a sensitive spot on the front wall of the vagina or as a spongy tissue surrounding the urethra. In a 1950 article, German gynecologist Ernest Gräfenberg became the first sex researcher to clearly identify this sensitive spot and its location. He was also the first to document female ejaculation, although he didn't call it that. When sex researchers Beverly Whipple and John D. Perry began publishing their research on the subject in scientific and medical journals, they decided to name the spot after Gräfenberg, and that is how it came to be known as the G-spot. Whipple and Perry put the G-spot on the map, so to speak, and their book with Alice Ladas, _The G Spot,_ brought the spot and female ejaculation into popular consciousness.

#### The G-Spot

A woman's urethra is about 1 1/2 to 2 inches long and is surrounded by spongy erectile tissue that contains paraurethral glands and ducts. (See illustration 6.)

The spongy tissue makes up the urethral sponge, also known as the G-spot. Let's clear up any misconceptions right away: every woman has a G-spot. The only thing that may vary is the size and location of the "spot," and how sensitive it is. Because it develops from the same embryologic tissue as the male prostate gland and produces fluid similar to prostatic fluid, the G-spot is often thought of as the female prostate.

##### _Finding the G-Spot_

The G-spot is located behind the pubic bone, around the urethra, and can be felt through the front wall of the vagina, about two inches inside the vaginal opening. The size of the spot varies—Perry and Whipple say from a dime to a half-dollar.8 Opinions differ about the actual size of the G-spot, because, like the clitoris, the G-spot is connected to a network of nerves and tissue, so it's sometimes hard to say where it begins and where it ends. What we do know is that many women find a spot a few inches inside the vagina on the front wall to be very sensitive to stimulation and pressure. One thing to keep in mind as you begin the journey to find your own G-spot or your lover's is that the G-spot tends to swell when a woman is aroused. As it swells, it becomes a firm area that should be easy to distinguish from the rest of the vaginal wall. Swelling can take place very quickly or more slowly, depending on the woman. It is much easier to locate the G-spot once a woman is turned on. You might think the G-spot is "missing" if you look for it when its owner isn't aroused.

How will you know when you've found it? Many people who've had the honor to touch a G-spot or two say that it feels spongy and slightly more textured (many people describe it as ridged) than the smoother-tissued area around it. When it is swollen, it protrudes slightly. Remember that the G-spot is not _on_ the front wall of the vagina, rather it can be felt _through_ the wall. Because you are feeling it through the vaginal wall, you need to apply a significant amount of deliberate pressure. A light touch just won't do much for the G-spot. If it's someone else's G-spot you're looking for, one way to know if you've found it is by the reaction of your partner. Many times when you look for it, you'll know you hit it because you're partner will squeal, "Yes! Right there!"

FIG. 6 G-SPOT ANATOMY

##### _Having Your G-Spot Stimulated_

When their G-spots are stimulated, many, if not most, women feel the urge to pee. That makes sense because you're putting pressure on the sponge around the urethra, which connects to the bladder. For some women, the urge to pee is an arousing sensation; they know they are not actually going to pee, so the feeling registers pleasure (rather than stress and anxiety) in the brain. Some women actually feel slightly turned on when they have to pee. Personally, I feel pressure around my urethra (as if someone's working my G-spot) when I have to piss, and it feels good. But when the entire genital region is engorged, with blood rushing to all the right areas, pressure on the urethra may be an entirely different sensation than when you're in a nonaroused state. Instead of feeling just the urge to pee, the entire area is electric with nerve endings, sensitive and alive. In other words, in this state, the pee feeling isn't like being stuck in a car in traffic and having to go really, really bad. That sucks. Instead, you're more aware of your entire genital region and the pressure on your urethra feels good.

A woman's response to G-spot stimulation (and any other erotic stimulation, for that matter) can also change. There are some times when G-spot pressure feels great, orgasmic, out of this world, and other times when the "spot" feels overly sensitive, too delicate for pressure, or it just doesn't feel good. In some cases, if you're not fully aroused to the point where the sponge has swelled, the sensation can change from pleasurable to just annoying. This strikes me as similar to stimulation of the clitoral glans (which makes sense since both are made of erectile tissue): if the clitoris hasn't become completely engorged with blood and swollen, and has retreated behind the hood, sometimes direct stimulation—which normally feels great—feels too overwhelming. So, if your first experience with G-spot stimulation doesn't float your boat, you may want to try it again.

Keep in mind that you can dislike the "I'm gonna pee my pants" feeling but still enjoy G-spot stimulation. You just need to reassure yourself that you are not actually going to urinate, and surrender to the sensations. For some women, a full bladder or any pressure near the urethra is uncomfortable and irritating. For them, pressure on the G-spot often feels too sensitive, too unpleasant, and these women do not enjoy G-spot stimulation.

##### _G-Spot Tools & Techniques_

When it comes to G-spot stimulation, you have a number of options in the tool department. Fingers have an excellent advantage for this particular activity. For one, they are the best at being able to find the spot, since our sense of touch is keen and connected right back to the ol' brain. Fingers are diligent and talented little explorers, and I recommend that beginners always start with them. When using these little gems, remember that light touch doesn't work when it comes to the G-spot, you need to be direct and consistent with the pressure you apply to the G-spot. One of the best techniques to use with the fingers is the "come here" approach. With your fingers inside your partner and against the wall of the vagina, make a "come here" motion (toward you) with your fingers, almost like you are trying to pull the spot out of her. Some people also like to "dig" at the spot, but you better make sure your nails are well manicured or covered with a latex glove so you don't do any actual damage. Experiment with how much pressure, penetration, and movement she likes—ask her which techniques feel the best to her.

If you and your partner practice fisting (penetration with the whole hand), chances are some part of your hand will find the G-spot even if you aren't looking for it because her vagina will be so full. With your hand inside her, palm up with fingers curled down, you can use all four fingers to pull and stimulate the G-spot. Another technique I recommend for all you fisters out there is to turn your hand so that your thumb faces up and your fingers are curled to the left (this applies to right-handed people, reverse it for left-handers). Then, if you simply move your fist in and out of her, the knuckles of your thumb will press against the G-spot. (For more information about fisting, read the Q&A at the end of this chapter.)

Since the sex-toy industry has gotten much more savvy about women's pleasure, there are a number of dildos and vibrators designed with the G-spot in mind. In contrast to the traditional straight-as-an-arrow phallic shape, look for a very pronounced curve on a dildo or vibrator. These toys may have G-spot in their names or you can ask a sex-toy store employee for a recommendation.

Some women prefer a toy that's rock hard, since the G-spot responds to firm pressure. The Crystal Wand is an acrylic dildo created and marketed especially for G-spot stimulation and female ejaculation. Its unique shape—a perfect "S"—takes the concept of curves to a whole new level. Many women have told me that they had trouble locating their G-spots until they discovered the Crystal Wand. The combination of a rigid material and exaggerated curve may do the trick for you.

With any G-spot toys, make sure you work your way up to them with finger penetration first, and use plenty of lube. In-and-out movement with firm pressure will wake up that G-spot and make her sing. You may also want to try pressing the toy against the spot and using a pulling motion. Remember that you don't have to insert the entire length of toys that are five or six inches long—the G-spot is just a few inches inside. A steady rhythm and strong pressure will feel good, and the more aroused a woman becomes, the better it should feel.

Unfortunately for all you guys, the penis has a slight disadvantage when it comes to being a G-spot ace. No, it's not impossible to stimulate the G-spot with your cock, it's just a little more difficult. The shape of each cock is unique, but most men were not born with the dramatic curve ideal for this type of stimulation. But fear not, here's some advice to make you all expert G-spotters. It's all about getting the right angle, and that angle may depend on you and your lover's particular bodies and how they line up with one another in different positions. First, remember that the G-spot is not all the way inside the vagina, but only a few inches in. Fully penetrating her pussy, which may feel wonderful for all parties concerned, is not the best way to achieve G-spot stimulation. Instead, try entering her less than all the way; how far inside will vary, depending on the size of her vagina and the length of your cock. With the head of your cock, aim for that spot on the front wall as you move in and out of her. You may want to guide your penis with your hand in the beginning for better control. She can also help by directing you once you're inside.

While we are so diligently focused on the G-spot, let us not forget about the clitoris! Some women prefer G-spot stimulation by itself, while others appreciate both at once. Because all the nerves and tissues are connected, they play off one other, helping the entire genital region become stimulated. Many women find that simultaneous external and internal stimulation is like hitting the spot from both sides.

##### _Positions to Hit the Spot_

Because of where the G-spot is located (behind the front wall of the vagina), body position and the angle of penetration are important factors. Doggie-style position or a variation of it, with the head down and butt in the air, puts the body at an ideal angle and makes the spot easily accessible to a partner's fingers, a toy, or a penis. If your partner is behind you, he should aim downward and use a pulling motion toward himself.

If you like being on your back, the spot might be a little tougher to find. Gravity can work against you. Try putting your legs up and to your chest. Or put a pillow under your butt to get a better angle. For those of you limber wonders, go ahead, show off and put your legs to your shoulders. Getting on top can afford you control over the angle of penetration, and you can simply tilt your body or rock your hips to find the perfect position.

Can you find your own G-spot? Yes, but it's not as easy as you may think. You'll probably have to experiment with different masturbatory positions before you find the one that works best for you. Women I know who can reach their own G-spots like to lie on their stomachs, squat (not very easy on the knees), lie on their backs with a pillow underneath their ass, or try solo doggie-style. Some women can stand and move their hips back to better reach it. Don't be alarmed if you can't reach it; the angle really does make it difficult to self-stimulate. Try a curved vibrator or dildo, which will be easier to maneuver and angle than your own hand. Or ask your lover to go on a little G-spot expedition with you; when someone else lends a hand, I bet you'll find the treasure, and won't getting there be fun!

#### Make Her Squirt!

##### _Female Ejaculation Comes Out (of the Closet)_

Female ejaculation is not a new phenomenon. Women have been ejaculating for a very long time (and it was documented as early as the 1950s), but there has not been a widespread public awareness of it. Many women have been creating spurts and puddles during masturbation and sex, but the problem is that most squirters don't know what is happening. Some attribute the extra dampness to an excess of lubrication and don't give it a second thought. Sadly, others think that they have lost control of their bladders and peed during sex. Some ejaculators believe they have an incontinence problem and go to a doctor seeking information and help. Unfortunately, many doctors don't know about female ejaculation or don't believe it exists; some have even performed surgery on women for incontinence, instead of reassuring them that it's a perfectly normal occurrence that happens to plenty of other women.

When the book _The G Spot_ was released in 1982, Ladas, Whipple, and Perry provided original research—call it proof if you want—about female ejaculation. Beverly Whipple even made a video of research subjects ejaculating. A decade later, the lesbian video company Fatale released _How to Female Ejaculate,_ an instructional video that clearly explained—and illustrated—the phenomenon. Yet a great majority of the medical and scientific community still refused to believe it or support further research. As a result, women are still being told by doctors that they are peeing, not ejaculating, and some are going under the knife to "correct the problem."

In order for doctors and scientists of mainstream institutions to accept the occurrence of female ejaculation, many would have to rethink their entire concept of female anatomy and sexual response. Instead, they dismiss female ejaculation or ignore it altogether.

Women have suffered self-doubt and embarrassment or shame and criticism from themselves, lovers, and medical professionals for too long. It is important for them and their partners to have clear and useful information about female ejaculation. What we learned about female ejaculation in _The G Spot_ has been enriched by books like _The Good Vibrations Guide: The G-Spot,_ by Cathy Winks, and _The Clitoral Truth,_ by Rebecca Chalker. These books help reassure women and replace misinformation and doubt with research and facts about what our bodies are capable of.

Maybe you have always suspected that the puddle underneath you had some explanation. Perhaps a lightbulb has gone off in your head reading this, and you realize now that you (or your partner) has ejaculated before. In either case, the following information will give you new insight into what you are already capable of. It will reassure you that your body and sexuality are not abnormal in any way, and it may give you a few tricks to make your ejaculating experiences even better. Because many women may have had negative experiences with lovers in the past, been misinformed by health-care professionals, or felt ashamed that something was wrong with them, they need time to process the new, correct information. If this sounds familiar, give yourself (or your partner) a chance to get over your insecurities and accept your unique female ability.

If you are already a female ejaculator (and proud of it), use the information to answer any lingering questions, expand on your own knowledge on the subject, and add a few techniques to your squirting artillery. Hopefully, you'll learn a thing or two and continue to celebrate your ejaculation skills.

If you have never ejaculated before, read the information with an open mind. If you enjoy G-spot stimulation, you may want to take it one step further to ejaculation. If everything in this chapter is new for you, take in all in, and give yourself time to figure out if it's something you'd like to try. Female ejaculation is fun, it feels good, and it is another incredible way that women experience pleasure.

##### _What Is Female Ejaculation, and All About the Fluid_

During vaginal penetration when the G-spot is stimulated, the tissue of the urethral sponge fills with blood, becomes engorged, and swells. The paraurethral glands surrounding the sponge also swell as they fill with fluid. When a woman is very aroused and firm pressure is applied to her urethral sponge, the glands release the fluid through the urethra, and the woman ejaculates.

Studies have shown that there are significant differences in the chemical makeup of ejaculatory fluid and urine. Some researchers believe that ejaculate is made of prostatic fluid (similar to fluid produced by the male prostate gland) produced by the urethral glands; others think it is a chemically altered form of urine. Ejaculatory fluid is thin and liquidy and most often clear, colorless, or milky. It's usually odorless or may have a slightly sweet smell, and may taste sugary. The taste of women's ejaculate, as with all her vaginal secretions, depends greatly on her diet. The way most people know that ejaculate is not urine is by doing their own tests on the spot: feel it, taste it, or sniff the sheets, and you'll be able to tell right away. If you don't want to take my word for it, there is also some scientific proof as well.9 It's difficult to definitively characterize ejaculatory fluid since there is so little research on the subject, yet from all of the research done, we know that it has different properties and a different chemical makeup than urine.10

So, if every woman has a G-spot, then why doesn't every woman ejaculate? Maybe the fluid is being released and women just don't know it. Here's one possible scenario: the sponge may be releasing ejaculate, but the amount is so small, it doesn't seem significant. Or women may attribute the wetness to any number of things—vaginal lubrication, secretions from the cervix, and that handful of personal lubricant she used—instead of ejaculatory fluid. Or the fluid could be a combination of all four substances. Some women feel the urge to pee right after sex. Another explanation is that as they pee, they may also be ejaculating right into the toilet bowel without knowing it.11 Interestingly, Whipple and Perry suggested that women who ejaculate may be less prone to urinary tract infections or that women who hold back for fear of peeing and don't ejaculate can be more likely to develop a UTI.12 Or maybe the fluid doesn't get released at all, and there has simply not been enough research to find out what happens to it or why some women do and some women just don't.

The chemical makeup is difficult to calculate. When a woman ejaculates, the fluid may combine with other substances, creating a combination fluid that is unique to each woman. All this pressure on the urethral sponge can also cause a woman to ejaculate _and_ pee a small amount; if ejaculatory fluid is mixed with urine, obviously its properties change—it may be yellow in color or smell and taste more like urine. In some cases, vigorous G-spot stimulation can make her simply pee, without ejaculating at all. It's possible, but not likely.

Another reason that ejaculation is so hard to measure is that different women ejaculate in very different ways. In my bed, at sex parties and workshops, on adult movie sets, and in authentic videos, I have personally seen about fifty different women ejaculate. Many practiced and skilled ejaculators can actually shoot or squirt an impressive amount of fluid. I've seen women soak through towels and even gush like a low-pressure faucet. For other women, ejaculation is much less dramatic—the fluid seeps or leaks out of them, and they don't necessarily have a tremendous amount of control over it. These women may just find a small puddle under their butts after sex. Still others fall somewhere in between, delivering ejaculatory fluid in spurts or gushes, depending on the situation.

The quantity of fluid varies greatly depending on the woman. Some women may have bigger glands than others, or their glands may produce more fluid than others.13 Whipple and Perry concluded from their research that the amount can range from a few drops to a quarter of a teaspoon.14 I've witnessed women soak nearly half a mattress after they ejaculate several cups of fluid, while others release much smaller amounts of fluid. Some women are multiple ejaculators; they squirt once, then can be stimulated to squirt several times again. I can probably only fill a tablespoon with my own ejaculatory fluid. The important thing to remember is not to pressure yourself; however you do it is fabulous!

##### _How to Make Her Ejaculate_

Once you've located her G-spot, if you want to try to make her squirt, you need to apply direct, consistent, and pretty strong pressure to it. Remember, a gentle touch is not going to bring forth that precious fluid—you need to be pretty vigorous. If you are using your fingers, your hand should be facing palm up, fingers curved so you can create a pulling motion. Move those fingers back and forth, kneading and pulling at that spongy area. Keep it up until she tells you that she's ready to squirt. Sometimes, you can feel her start to bear down and then you know the dam's about to burst. Often, when a woman is about to ejaculate, you'll hear a particular sound as you work her G-spot. Instead of the traditional in-and-out music, this will be like a sloshing sound; it's unique, but difficult to describe. I want to say you'll know it when you hear it, but that's not any help, is it? Anyway, when she tells you or you feel her bear down or hear the sound, give the sponge one good pull, or you can try pushing up against it with strong pressure, and see what happens. If nothing happens, go back to what you were doing, give her more time to get revved up, and repeat all the steps as necessary.

If you are fisting her (have all five fingers or your entire hand inside her vagina), and you want to make her ejaculate, you need to change your hand position. Whether your palm is facing up with your fingers curled down or your hand is turned to the side with your thumb up, chances are you are taking up a whole lot of space in there. Often, with something as big as a fist (or an especially thick dildo, vibrator, or penis), you are most likely blocking the urethral opening, which means fluid can't come out. All you need to do is get out of its way. Slowly withdraw your hand from her vagina, then return with two or three fingers. Use your fingers to stimulate her G-spot, give it a few tugs, and watch her shoot her stuff. (For more on fisting, read the Q&A at the end of this chapter.)

You can also make her squirt with a vibrator or dildo. Again, choose one with a pronounced curve or an attachment made especially for G-spot stimulation. Make sure the curve is toward her navel and experiment with different positions until you get a good angle. Just putting it inside and pressing against her G-spot without moving it will not do the trick. Use the toy just as you'd use your fingers, with a firm pulling motion. She may also want to stimulate her clitoris while you are penetrating her.

Like I said before, hitting her G-spot with your penis is going to be challenging. I find it interesting that Whipple and Perry concluded that there was a higher rate of female ejaculation among women who have sex with women than heterosexual women.15 They didn't expand on why this might be, but I have an idea: it's because lesbians who practice penetration are more likely to use their fingers, and finger fucking is a great route to female ejaculation. While straight men may dabble with their digits from time to time, they more often than not focus on their dicks, which, quite frankly, are not the best ejaculation tools for women.

Making her squirt with your cock may be difficult, but I know you're up for the challenge! On the set of an adult film, I saw porn star Kyle Stone employ a very interesting technique which I recommend you try. His partner in the film, actress (and known ejaculator) Jewel Valmont, was on her back on a table, and he was standing over her. He held his dick at the base and, with the bottom of his hand, curved it slightly upward toward her G-spot. He inserted only about half the length of his dick inside her so that the head of his penis would hit her G-spot. He used his dick almost like a dildo, controlling it and moving it very specifically and rhythmically with his own hand. After some spirited and consistent pumping, he pulled his dick out, and she shot ejaculate all over the place. So, lessons you can learn from Kyle: don't go all the way inside her. Remember, the G-spot is only a few inches in. Use your hand to control the angle and pressure of your penis. When she's ready to squirt, your penis may be blocking her urethra, so get out of the way and let her shoot!

##### _How to Ejaculate_

Women: in order to assuage any concerns or fears you may have about urinating, it's a good idea to pee before you have sex. A trip to the bathroom will reassure you that your bladder is fairly empty and you are much less likely to pee.

Some women ejaculate right away, others take more time to get there. When you are first starting out, take your time and be patient. Remember, once you are aroused and the sponge has swelled, it's much easier to find the G-spot. Some women who ejaculate find that it's easier to squirt once they've had an orgasm or two. For one thing, working your way up to an orgasm gets the juices flowing and gets the paraurethral glands producing fluid. Having an orgasm before you attempt to ejaculate will also help you to relax, which is absolutely necessary for you to do. If you are not multiorgasmic, then you may want to prolong foreplay, delay your orgasm, and get as worked up as possible.

As your partner stimulates your G-spot, take lots of deep breaths and relax. When you start to get the feeling like you are going to pee, tell yourself that you are not. Do not tense up or try to hold in your pee—this will make it extremely difficult to ejaculate. After plenty of G-spot stimulation, when you feel as if you might explode, many women say it helps to bear down, as if you are pushing something out of your vagina. Even if you still feel like you're going to pee, just let go. The worst thing that can happen is that you will in fact pee, but it's unlikely, especially if you just emptied your bladder before sex.

What does ejaculation feel like? Some women are very aware of exactly when they are ejaculating, and the moment it first begins. They feel like they have to pee, a sensation of pressure builds, they relax and bear down, and they release ejaculatory fluid. These women tend to have a well-developed PC muscle and good control over their ejaculation. Very experienced ejaculators as well as "gushers" (women who produce a large amount of fluid) usually fall into this category. Other women have less of a sense when ejaculation is happening.

When I first ejaculated, my girlfriend was working my G-spot with her fingers (she had a definite mission) and suddenly I got that feeling. It's a feeling I've had plenty of times during penetration and G-spot stimulation, a feeling like I was going to pee. I have always resisted the urge, held back, and many times even stopped the action to run to the bathroom. More often than not, I wind up on the toilet with a trickle or no pee at all. "I feel like I'm gonna pee," I said. "You're not going to pee," she reassured me. "Just let go." It was tough. I feel like I've been practicing for years to hold it in for fear I would pee on lovers who weren't exactly the golden showers type. But I had a profound amount of trust for her. So I did what she said, and I let go. Minutes later, I was coming. It felt like an altogether different kind of orgasm than I was used to. I had that climax feeling, but instead of being followed simply by a rush and pussy contractions, I felt this warm wave run through my insides. It just took over, and I went with it. When she took my hand and put it on the blanket underneath me, I was shocked. I made a puddle that soaked her beautiful bedspread!

The more you ejaculate, the more conscious you will become of what is happening, and when it happens. The more you relax and stay connected to your body, the better you'll be able to gauge where it's at and how the ejaculation process works for you.

If you'd like to try to ejaculate, one of the other things you need to do is make sure you are hydrated; as you can imagine, dehydration affects the production of all kinds of fluids in our bodies. Many women I know who ejaculate say that if they haven't had enough to drink or are dehydrated from exercise or something else, they definitely have a more difficult time ejaculating or they ejaculate much less fluid. So keep that tall glass of water or Gatorade by the bedside!

##### _How to Make Yourself Ejaculate_

You don't necessarily need a partner to ejaculate; many women can make themselves squirt during masturbation. Your ability to find your own G-spot and stimulate it enough to ejaculate depends on several factors: your particular body—the length of your arms, hands, and fingers; where your G-spot is located (since it does differ depending on the woman); how flexible you are; and your body position. If you'd like to make yourself come and squirt with your own hand, I recommend experimenting with different positions to see what works best for you. Follow the techniques I have already described, including firm pressure, the pulling motion, and bearing down. Some women find that it is much too difficult to reach their G-spot with their fingers. Others can find the spot, but cannot stimulate it vigorously enough to lead to ejaculation. I recommend using a dildo or vibrator with a pronounced curve or one that is specifically designed for G-spot stimulation, such as the Crystal Wand. Using a toy will take the pressure off, and you won't have to twist yourself into a pretzel in order to get at your G-spot!

##### _Best Positions to Ejaculate_

You should definitely experiment with different body positions for G-spot stimulation and female ejaculation, whether you are alone or with a partner. If you are going to lie on your back, it may help to put a pillow underneath your ass to get a better angle, and your partner should curve whatever he is penetrating you with upward (remember, we're aiming toward the navel). Doggie-style position or a modified version of it with your head down and your ass in the air is a good position for beginner ejaculators and their partners, since it provides a perfect angle for G-spot stimulation; your body is angled so that whatever goes into your vagina has a very likely shot at hitting the G-spot. When in this position, your partner should pull his fingers, his penis, or the sex toy back toward him.

Some women recommend the woman-on-top position for ejaculation because they can control the angle of their body, and the position of the spot in relation to their partner's penis; make sure to angle your body forward and lean into the penis, fingers, or whatever's inside you. Lots of women have great luck ejaculating while sitting, squatting, or standing up. Again, make sure to angle a finger, penis, or toy toward your navel, and you may want to move your pelvis or thrust your hips backward or forward, depending on which gives you better contact between your chosen tool and your G-spot. Don't expect greatness the first time around. Cut yourself some slack, it may take a few tries before you get the right combination of the perfect angle and levels of stimulation and relaxation in order to squirt.

##### _Ejaculation Without G-Spot Stimulation_

Thus far, my emphasis has been on direct G-spot stimulation, since that's how the majority of women ejaculate. From research (although far too little) and anecdotal evidence, we know that there are some women who can ejaculate without any direct G-spot stimulation whatsoever; they squirt from clitoral stimulation. So, how is that possible? Well, if you review your anatomy lesson and remember that the clitoris is much more far-reaching than just the clitoral glans, you realize that the G-spot is part of the clitoral system. Because these structures are close together and affect one another, stimulation of the glans certainly has an effect on the urethral sponge, and may cause it to fill with fluid.

Some of the same rules apply for ejaculation through clitoral stimulation: the more aroused a woman is, the more likely she is to ejaculate. Some women feel that if they press down right above the pubic bone, they can hit the G-spot "from the other side" and make themselves squirt that way. Many women say they can ejaculate after they've had an orgasm already by continuing to stimulate the clitoris.

Ejaculation Cleanup Tips

##### _Orgasm and Female Ejaculation_

Ejaculating may feel like a big release, a genitally focused orgasm, or a deep full-body orgasm. Is ejaculating the same thing as having an orgasm? Well, like so many other sexual phenomena, that really depends upon the woman. When a woman ejaculates, her ejaculation may or may not be preceded, accompanied, or followed by an orgasm. Some women say that ejaculation feels like a release, yet it differs from how an orgasm feels; they may ejaculate first then later have an orgasm. Other women say that squirting is one kind of orgasm that they experience, different from other kinds of orgasms they have, but an orgasm nonetheless. For others, orgasm and ejaculation go hand in hand and seem to happen simultaneously. There are also women who experience orgasm, then continue to stimulate themselves to ejaculation. You do not need one for the other to happen—ejaculation and orgasm are not mutually exclusive.

##### _Safer Sex and Ejaculatory Fluid_

Since there is still much debate about the exact makeup of female ejaculatory fluid, some of you may be wondering what, if any, are the risks if you come into contact with it. Female ejaculate is another bodily fluid like vaginal secretions, semen, blood, urine, and feces. From what we know about it, female ejaculate does not have as high a concentration of HIV as semen or blood.16 As you can imagine, there is no research on the risks associated with transmitting HIV, hepatitis, or STDs (like herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and others) through female ejaculate. If you are not fluid-bonded with your partner, you should protect yourself from ejaculate getting on any mucous membranes. That means using condoms, gloves, and barriers for oral sex.

##### _Can Any Woman Ejaculate?_

Whipple and Perry reported in the 1980s that as many as 40 percent of the women they surveyed ejaculated.17 Let's compare ejaculation to another sexual phenomenon: the orgasm. Every woman has the necessary physical parts and capacity to have an orgasm. Yet some women have great difficulty achieving orgasm, or never do. Likewise, every woman has the necessary equipment to ejaculate, but not every woman ejaculates. Sometimes women may be too inhibited and afraid to pee to let themselves ejaculate. Other times, they may ejaculate, but the amount of fluid is barely noticeable. I believe any woman can learn how to ejaculate. It's simply a matter of knowing more about your body and how it works, and practice, practice, practice. You may end up with the tiniest of puddles under your butt, and you may not become a shooting superstar. But you will learn about one more amazing thing women are capable of and you'll have plenty of fun trying to master this new trick. Don't pressure yourself to ejaculate because you think it's the cool new thing to do, it's the key to the best sex of your life, or you feel pressure from your lover. Do it because it feels good, do it because you want to, do it for you.

Female Ejaculation on Video

**W** _hat is vaginal fisting exactly? Can your whole hand really fit?_

Vaginal fisting is the gradual process of putting an entire hand inside the vagina. Fisting gets a bad rap sometimes because its name is misleading: you don't start out with a clenched fist and push it inside a woman; instead, you begin with a single finger and work your way up. If your fingers are going walking, running, or dancing inside her vagina, make sure your nails are short and filed smooth. You want your hand to be as penetration-friendly as possible, and that means short nails with no sharp or rough edges. When you have your entire hand inside a woman, even the most minor hangnail can be felt on a grand scale, so I recommend well-fitting latex gloves to insure your hand is clean and smooth.

It is important for both partners to be relaxed for fisting to work. Tension can be felt intensely in your vagina and can make it impossible to have pleasurable penetration, especially on such a big scale. A warm bubble bath, a massage, and deep breathing are all good ways to relax—so is having sex and a few orgasms before you try for the fist! One of the best ways to get a fistee to open up to you is to get her so worked up she'll beg you to put the living-room couch inside. Warm her up with all your favorite tricks, the ones you know work like a charm—oral love, clitoral stimulation, vibrators, finger fucking, dildos, whatever. Remember to keep working her clit while you are working your way into her vagina. Deep breathing during fisting is also essential; many women take shallow breaths as they get turned on or even hold their breath for short periods. This may give you a temporary head rush, but it's just that—temporary. Breathing deeply will send blood rushing to all the right places, getting your clit nice and hard and your pussy open, ready, willing, and able.

When it comes to fisting, there is no such thing as too much lube. Thicker lubes tend to last a little longer, and the goopy consistency has a cushioning effect inside her vagina. As you work your way inside her, each time you add a finger, adjust positions, or just pause for a deep breath, add some more lube.

The fistee's body position must be both comfortable enough to endure for a long time (because it _is_ going to take a long time) and afford you a good angle of penetration. Whether it is a sling suspended from the ceiling or pillows under her butt, experiment with different positions to see what works best for you. The fister can also experiment with different hand positions—palm up with fingers curled down, palm to one side, or fingers all together like a swan.

For those of you who may despise dialogue during sex, you're going to have to make an exception if you are going to put your entire hand in a girl. Talk to each other, find out what feels good and what doesn't, what's working and what's not. Experiment with positions, and most important, pay close attention to her body—it will tell you almost everything you need to know. Never force your way in; if you feel resistance, don't push the issue.

Everyone has to go at their own pace for fisting to be pleasurable (and to work!). Many people find that they can get all five fingers in, but then get stuck. The widest part of your hand is definitely the most difficult to get in. If you've gotten up to five fingers (palm facing clit), pour some lube in the palm of your hand and let it run right down to her opening. As you venture farther in, you'll find that your fingers will naturally curl down into your palm to make room for the rest of your hand. Fisting is always a gradual process, so don't rush it. Realize that sometimes it just won't work, and be ready for that. If you both breathe, go slow, practice a lot, and get her into a sexual frenzy, you might just be surprised what you can fit inside.


Input: Could not generate response.

Response:
###### 6

## BACK-DOOR BETTIES AND BEND-OVER BOYS

### _Anal Sex for Him and Her_

Most of us have grown up with some negative ideas about our asses. For example, that your ass is a private part of the body that shouldn't be openly discussed or explored. Or that your ass is dirty and unsanitary. Many of us are taught that we shouldn't think about our asses in a sexual way, let alone enjoy them in a sexual way. There are also misconceptions about anal pleasure that run rampant in our culture. Only gay men have anal sex, and if straight men want it, then they are really gay. Or women have anal sex to please their male partners, but don't experience any pleasure of their own. Or anal sex is dangerous because it can cause physical damage to your body and is the simplest way to transmit disease. The truth is that the ass is one of the most overlooked erogenous zones in the body, and anal pleasure can be safe, healthy, and satisfying for men and women.

Myths and Facts About Anal Sex

#### The Pleasures of Anal Sex

As discussed in chapter 1, anorectal anatomy is nearly identical in men and women, and the entire area—the anus, anal canal, and rectum—is extremely rich in nerve endings and sensitive to stimulation of all kinds, including penetration. Because of this level of sensitivity, exploring our asses can bring us incredible sexual pleasure. The one distinction in men and women's anal anatomy is that men have a prostate gland, which can be reached and stimulated through the rectum. Men experience pleasure from anal penetration through prostate stimulation as well as stimulation of the bulb of the penis and the perineum via the rectum. Although women don't have a prostate, they do have a G-spot. The G-spot is reached through the front wall of the vagina, but it can also be indirectly stimulated through anal penetration. Since all that separates the rectum and the vagina is a thin membrane, if you angle a finger, toy, or penis toward the front wall of the vagina, women still may experience G-spot stimulation.

In addition to the bundle of physical pleasure that anal stimulation brings, there are complex emotional and psychological issues that contribute to the erotic experience. For some people, the idea that anal sex is naughty, forbidden, and taboo is very exciting, and adds to their enjoyment of it. For others, the great amount of trust one must have in a partner heightens the physical pleasure; allowing your partner to penetrate you in this special place says, "Here is a delicate part of my body, and I trust you not to hurt me but to make me feel very good." That power exchange can be very intense for lovers. Anal sex is often represented in popular culture as violent and degrading; however, in reality, it can be extremely intimate, connecting, and spiritual.

##### _Desire, Communication, and Relaxation_

One of the most important ingredients for safe and pleasurable anal sex is desire. If you are not absolutely sure that you want your ass stimulated or penetrated, you cannot betray your body. Your ass never lies, and if you have any fears or misgivings, you will feel them on a physical level: your sphincter muscles will tighten and you won't be able to enjoy stimulation or have comfortable penetration. It's important to talk with your partner before the experience, so you can vocalize and resolve any issues or apprehension you may have. Once you clear the air, and agree that the receiving partner can stop any activities at any point, you'll both feel reassured and relaxed as you discover this newfound pleasure.

Ten Ingredients for Great Anal Sex

In addition to desire, communication is a critical part of pleasurable anal sex. No matter how well you know your partner, you cannot look into someone's eyes and understand exactly how she or he wants to be fucked in the ass. You need to ask, and your lover needs to tell you. A back-and-forth dialogue can really help both partners relax and not be anxious about what may happen next. The partner on the receiving end of anal penetration should absolutely be the one in control. You need to be the one to tell your partner what you want, and be specific: how slow or fast do you want the pace to be? Do you want penetration to be deep or not so deep? When you are ready to move on to more fingers, a bigger toy, his penis, or just something different, let your lover know.

Beyond communication, it does take a great deal of trust to have your ass penetrated. You are entrusting your partner with a very sensitive, delicate place in your body. If the penetrating partner does not know what he or she is doing, you can potentially be hurt. Anal sex can be very charged, intense, and emotional. That's why it's important for partners to be able to openly discuss their feelings, feel safe, and trust one another. The person receiving anal penetration can feel especially vulnerable, both physically and emotionally, and the partner giving anal pleasure must respect the receiver's wishes, needs, and limits. The penetrative partner may be afraid of hurting his or her lover. Again, communication and ground rules can help alleviate tension and reassure both people that it will be a safe and pleasurable experience.

Relaxation is critical to great anal sex. Living in a very stressful world, we hold stress in different places in our bodies, and the ass is one of the most popular places to keep stress in—that's where the expression "tight ass" comes from. Whatever it takes for you to relax—whether it's deep breathing, candles and incense, meditation, or visualization—letting go of tension in the body and putting the day's activities out of your mind will help you physically and mentally prepare for anal sex. Some people also like to have an orgasm before they begin exploring anal pleasure; it's another great way to get aroused, release tension, and relax the body.

Everyone must go at their own pace for anal sex to be pleasurable, and when both partners are patient, it's much easier for everyone to relax (especially the receptive partner). Anal sex is also a gradual process of exploration. We _progress_ to anal penetration. Anal sex is not a choice activity for a night when one or both of you just want a quickie, or someone has somewhere to be. If you are anxious or stressed out about anal sex, sex in general, or the presentation you're giving tomorrow at work, it's probably not the best time to experience anal eroticism.

##### _The Mess Factor_

The number one question I am most often asked about anal sex is, "Won't it be messy?" Most people are anxious or reluctant to explore their partner's ass for fear that they will, well, step in shit. If you recall from the anatomy lesson in chapter 1, beyond the rectum is the colon, and you cannot reach the colon without something much longer than a penis or a dildo. The colon has no sexual function, but it is important to acknowledge how it relates to anal penetration. Feces are stored in the colon and move into the rectum when you're ready to have a bowel movement. The rectum is not a storage facility. This is the case for people with normal diets, good bowel habits, and no gastrointestinal problems. So, if you feel like you have to go to the bathroom, and you do, there will not be very much fecal matter in the rectum. On the other hand, if you feel like you have to go to the bathroom, but you do not and instead have your ass penetrated, well, there is likely to be a mess. The moral of this story is listen to your body and go to the bathroom when you feel the urge. It is a good idea to empty your bowels before you have anal sex.

Some people like to have an anal douche or enema before anal sex. Know that you do not have to have an enema in order to have relatively clean anal sex. Having a bowel movement and a warm soapy shower to clean the external area should do just fine. If you do want to have an enema, there are several different kinds. You can buy a Fleet enema or a plastic bulb syringe at the drugstore. If you use a Fleet, empty the plastic bottle first—it contains a liquid laxative you don't need to use—and refill it with plain warm water. Always follow the instructions on the box. If you are going to use an enema, you should have one at least three hours before you have anal sex. Do not overdo it on enemas. I don't want to see any of you at an Enema Addicts Anonymous meeting. Enemas rinse all the bacteria out of the bowels, the good, the bad, and the ugly (including some that's beneficial), as well as the thin layer of mucus that helps protect the delicate lining of the rectum. Enemas can wear your body out, so you don't want to have too many. An enema may feel strange or slightly uncomfortable, but it should never be painful. If you have cramps, the temperature of the water is probably too cold. If you have other pain, stop at once.

Enema Tips

##### _Preparation and Techniques_

As you read in chapter 3, lubricant can greatly enhance all kinds of sexual experiences. When it comes to anal penetration, lube is not a luxury, it is an absolute necessity. Unlike the vagina, the rectum is not self-lubricating. If it feels lubricated to you, that's probably the mucus that lines the rectum and some sweat, but it's not enough to have pleasurable penetration. Spit will not do the trick either—you need a store-bought lubricant. There are dozens of kinds to choose from, and you can reread chapter 3 for all the details. I find that thick, water-based lubes that are the consistency of hair gel work the best for anal penetration. Lubes like ID, Wet, Maximus, Foreplay Lube DeLuxe Gel or Cream, Probe Thick and Rich, and Slippery Stuff Gel, among others, stay wet longer than their liquidy counterparts and also provide some cushioning for the delicate rectum. (There's no such thing as too much lube for anal play, and it may get a little messy. Moistened unscented baby wipes are a great way to clean up. They can also help prevent lube from the ass dripping into the vagina, which may cause an infection; one swipe of the wipe, and you're all clean!)

The tissue of the anal canal and rectum is quite delicate and much less resilient than the tissue of the vagina. The delicacy of the rectal tissue is a blessing and a curse: a blessing because it makes the area incredibly sensitive to all kinds of touch, but a curse because we do need to take extra care during penetration. Without proper warm-up and preparation, you can tear the lining of the rectum and cause irritation, discomfort, or pain. But with a few precautions, you can prevent any tearing or pain and focus on pleasure instead.

When done correctly, anal sex will not cause permanent damage to your rectum. As I say in my video: let's put this myth to rest once and for all. If you have a lot of anal sex, you are not going to end up in adult diapers. In others words, frequent backdoor banging—when done properly with care and lots of lube—will not lead to enlarged and/or loose sphincter muscles or a loss of bowel control. In fact, having a lot of anal sex may do just the opposite: you may find that you actually have _better_ bowel control than you did before. You see, in order to take something inside your anal canal and rectum, you have to learn how to relax your sphincter muscles. The more you practice controlling these muscles, the more you are exercising and toning them (just like any other muscle). You are not stretching out or loosening the sphincter muscles, you are simply relaxing them to allow penetration.

Plenty of foreplay and warm-up go a long, long way toward achieving satisfying anal penetration. Getting your partner revved up in whatever ways really do the trick is half the battle; once someone is aroused, their genitals are engorged, their muscles are relaxed, and they are more receptive to penetration. Even if the goal of the evening is anal sex, you don't have to dive right in. Don't neglect other sweet spots on his or her body.

I recommend that you begin exploration of the ass with a tool that's small, gentle, and connected to a brain: your finger! I like to think of my finger as "my man on the inside." He's got his hard hat with the big light on top and is gonna tell me what's going on in there. To penetrate someone with a toy, it's a little like flying blind—you don't know what the person feels like on the inside, and you don't know how the body responds to what you're doing since the toy has no sensors. Your fingers, on the other hand, can give you a firm grasp of this new and mysterious territory, telling you where everything is (remember that all-important curve of the rectum), how the rectum feels, and what it responds to. In order to make sure your fingers are going to feel good rather than wreak havoc inside, you need to have a good manicure—clean, short, well-filed nails. If you aren't content with your nails, then slip into a latex glove. Gloves make your fingers smooth and protect the ass from rough edges, torn cuticles, and other potential dangers. Ladies, if you're going to let your fingers do the walking and you've got a lovely manicure of real or fake nails, don't despair. Put cotton balls into the tips of the fingers of a latex glove. You lose a little bit of sensitivity, but you can reassure yourself that you won't tear through a glove or irritate your partner's ass.

When you are ready to proceed, rather than insert your well-lubricated finger straight inside as if pointing to something, touch the pad of your fingertip to the anus. This feels soft and nonthreatening and will likely cause the anal opening and sphincter muscles to relax and allow something inside. Slide your finger inside only up to the first knuckle and just stay there, letting the butt get used to having something inside it. Remember that everything registers bigger and bolder than it really is when it is inside the butt, so never go too far too fast. Don't rush it.

The more time you are willing to devote to a gradual, gentle exploration, the more your ass will benefit in the end. It's all about working your way up. One of the reasons that I made my video, _The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women,_ is that I believe people learn things from adult films. Too often in videos the man shoves his huge penis right into a woman's ass without lube or warm-up. The truth is that even the most experienced anal receivers and the professionals need to work up to a penis. The problem with most anal porn is that all the lube and warm-up with fingers and toys either happens off camera or ends up on the editor's cutting-room floor. No one can go from zero to sixty in five seconds; it's just not possible! Too many couples try to rush anal penetration, and it ends up being painful for the receptive partner. Of course, after the first negative try, no one really wants to experience it again.

What Happens If It Hurts?

Anal penetration does not have to hurt—not even a little. If it hurts, you aren't doing it right: either the person isn't warmed up or relaxed enough or you're not using enough lube. Pain is your body's way of telling you that whatever is happening isn't working. Honor and respect your body, and if you feel pain, stop what you are doing. There is a fine line between pain and discomfort, and everyone's line is different. Anal penetration may feel strange at first. Your ass is used to expelling things out of it, not taking objects into it. So when first-timers are penetrated, they sometimes feel as if they need to have a bowel movement. I suggest you go to the bathroom and see what happens. Most likely, you really don't have to go, because hopefully you had a bowel movement before sex. It's just your body attempting to reorient itself toward this new feeling. The more you experience anal penetration, the more this urge to "go" will subside.

##### _Anal Sex Toys_

In addition to fingers and penises, there are a variety of sex toys you can also use on your ass (see illustration 7).

Whatever kind of toy you select, it must have one important feature: a flared base. Perhaps you have heard rumors about people "losing" objects in their rectums and rushing to the emergency room. Or maybe you've seen one of several Web sites which document X-rays of different items people have put in their rectums. While part of this is pure urban legend, the truth is you _can_ get something lost in your ass if you aren't careful. Once you are aroused, your pelvic muscles contract, and this could cause your ass to "suck" something all the way inside it. The best way to prevent your own trip to the ER is to use a toy with a flared base, since the base will prevent it from going beyond the rectum and into the colon.

As their name tells you, butt plugs are made expressly for anal pleasure. The traditional shape of a butt plug looks like a teardrop with a thicker bottom or a skinny pear shape. There are variations on the shape, including a lopsided diamond shape and a bulbous head with a long neck. Above the wide flared base, the plug's neck has the smallest circumference, designed to allow the sphincter muscles to close around it. Butt plugs may be smooth or textured with ridges, ripples, rings, or bumps. Butt plugs are usually made of latex rubber or silicone; there are also clear acrylic (similar to Lucite), glass, wood, ceramic, and even metal plugs, but they are for more experienced anal players. Butt plugs come in a whole bunch of sizes—remember that it is always best to start small and work your way up.

If you like the feeling of something just being in your ass, and appreciate the fullness and pressure without necessarily moving in and out, than you would probably love a butt plug. Butt plugs are meant to go in and stay in. Once you slowly slide a well-lubed plug inside the ass, you can then move on to something else—clitoral stimulation, a blow job, vaginal penetration, whatever you'd like—and the butt plug will continue to stimulate without a lot of work on your part.

FIG. 7 ANAL SEX TOYS

If you have a butt plug in, you may find that when you get really aroused or during orgasm, the plug inadvertently slips (or even shoots!) right out of your ass. While this may be surprising or embarrassing, don't be alarmed, it's pretty common. Remember that during arousal, your genital muscles contract, and those contractions may actually push a plug out of your ass. This doesn't necessarily mean that the plug is too small and you need to run out and upgrade—it's just a signal that you are very turned on!

Butt plugs are also a great way to warm up the ass for bigger things to come. Putting in a plug and leaving it in for a while lets the ass get used to having something inside it. The ass opens up and relaxes around it, and when you take it out, you're ready to move on to something more.

That something more may be a dildo. As you read in chapter 3, dildos come in all shapes, sizes, colors, styles, and materials. If you like your anal penetration to include in-and-out-style fucking, then a dildo is the right tool for you. Any dildo with a flared base is appropriate for anal penetration. If the dildo is curved, make sure the curve is always going in the direction of the front of the receptive partner's body to insure stimulation of the prostate or the G-spot.

Some butt plugs and dildos are also vibrators. Vibration not only stimulates the genitals and feels really good, but it also relaxes the body. That's why so many vibrators are sold as massagers. Some people find that the added feature of vibration helps them to relax the sphincter muscles and makes anal penetration easier and more pleasurable.

There is one exception to the flared base rule: anal beads. Made of either hard plastic or rubber, there are usually about five beads (which can range from the size of marbles to the size of super balls) on a string with a large ring on the end of it. There are also even larger ones—I've seen them the size of tennis balls—but they are unrealistic and potentially unsafe; stick with a reasonable size. For some people, the moment when the sphincter muscles relax and let something inside the ass is the most arousing; with anal beads, you can experience that moment five times.

Lubricate the beads, and insert them slowly and gently, one at a time. Once the beads are in, you'll be able to feel them as you move on to manual stimulation, oral sex, or vaginal intercourse. Some people like to pull out the entire string of beads right before they orgasm—it sends them over the edge. Others pull them out during or immediately following orgasm. Just don't pull them too fast or you can tear that delicate tissue.

Anal Sex Tricks

A few words of caution if you're interested in anal beads. Many anal beads are inexpensive and poorly made. The hard plastic kind may have sharp edges at the seam of the ball that can irritate or tear the tissue of the anal canal and rectum; some people also complain that the knots in the string feel uncomfortable. These type of beads are impossible to completely disinfect, so never share them with a partner; each person should have his or her own. If you love beads, but have concerns about the edges or cleaning them, there are a few solutions. Vixen Creations is the only toy manufacturer that makes an entire string of anal beads dipped in silicone. Silicone means they are a snap to clean, and the beads are super-smooth. Other companies have dildos that take off on the idea of anal beads, featuring several round rubber orbs linked with rubber—the same great feeling with no sharp edges or hard-to-clean string.

If the receptive partner is a woman, it's important that nothing go directly from her ass into her vagina; that's a great way to get a vaginal infection. Whether it's a finger, penis, or sex toy, if it has been in her ass, make sure you either wash it thoroughly with hot water and antibacterial soap or put a new latex glove or condom on it.

##### _Positions for Anal Sex_

In this section, I may focus a little more on men penetrating women in the ass, but these positions will work no matter who's pitching and who's catching. Guys, you are not off the hook. You get your chance to take it in just a few pages.

There aren't any secret positions for anal penetration that you probably don't already know about. In other words, any position you've been in for vaginal penetration is worth a try for anal penetration. Since everyone has individual needs, tastes, and desires, it is important to experiment with all kinds of positions to discover what works best for you and your partner. Different positions offer different features, from endurance and comfort to a certain angle of penetration or the feasibility of deep thrusting. When considering which may work best for you, think about how comfortable both partners will be in a position, and if both of you can stay where you are for a while. What is the best position for anal sex? I get asked that question almost everyday, and the answer is: the one that works best for you.

I am partial to the doggie-style position for beginners. This position, with the receptive partner on hands and knees—or slightly modified with head down and ass in the air—and the insertive partner behind offers some important pluses. For one, the penetrator can clearly see where he's headed, which is important especially when you are negotiating between two openings that are very close together. When the receptive partner's head is down, the body creates a perfect angle of penetration to hit the G-spot. In this position, you can reach around and rub her clit or she can do it herself.

Doing it doggie-style also does plenty for the more experienced, and gives both of you lots of pelvic movement for both partners. The receptive partner can move back on a penis from this angle. She can also be in control of the action if he does less of the movement, and lets the receiver come to him. He can do a lot of deep, hard, or fast thrusting, and doggie-style can be anything _but_ a gentle first-time fuck.

Yet another variation on this position has the receptive partner on her stomach with either her knees bent or her legs straight. Although this one may seem awkward on first try, it just takes a little practice. This too is a good position for medium or deep penetration because the rectum is in an optimum position for pretty smooth entry (as long as you don't forget that important curve!).

Missionary position finds the receptive partner on her back and the insertive partner on top. Because both partners face each other, this makes it easier to communicate, especially nonverbally, plus you can attend to other parts of your partner's body—suck on her nipples, kiss her neck, rub her clit. Many people in the receptive position like missionary-style anal penetration because lying on their back is either more comfortable or allows them a sense of surrendering to their partner.

The receptive partner may find that a pillow under her butt makes for easier penetration, and she can bend her knees or bring her legs either to her chest or rest them on her partner's shoulders. Although the latter position may create a better angle for entry, it is often one that even the most flexible among us find hard to sustain. If your partner cannot provide clitoral stimulation, you can do it yourself with your hand or a vibrator.

If the receptive partner wants to control the angle and depth of penetration, then she should try being on top. Straddling the insertive partner, she can sit straight up, or lean forward or backward. Again, facing each other means you can talk as well as stroke, rub, pinch, and stimulate other parts of each other's bodies; this position is also great for clitoral stimulation. Receptive partners can really take the lead in this position and be in charge of the depth, the amount of movement, and the rhythm.

Insertive partners who are inexperienced, nervous about how to penetrate their partners anally, or fearful of hurting their partners may find this position most relaxing because the receiver can do much of the decision making and the work. The partners on the bottom often report liking this position best because they get a great view of their partner and can watch her as she receives pleasure.

Spooning is a position in which both partners are on their sides, either facing each other or the same direction. This position is comfortable, flexible, easy to maneuver, and it gives both partners good control over the angle and depth of penetration; it's an ideal position for partners who are of very different heights or sizes. Some people find that lying side by side gives them greater access to their partner's vagina, clitoris, penis, balls, and to all parts of each other's bodies for exploration and stimulation. You don't get the depth of penetration this way as with other positions; however, spooning is good for a long, slow anal fucking session, where no one's in a rush to get somewhere. But don't get me wrong, you can still have ecstatic orgasms this way, especially because you can be stimulating lots of other parts while you're doing your partner's ass.

These are a few of the most common positions, but by no means all the possible ones. There are plenty more for you to explore and try out. Some people like to reverse the receptive-partner-on-top position and face the same direction rather than each other. Couples who are similar in size may find they can do it standing up or with one person bent over a bed or table. Think of each new position as an opportunity to explore different depths, speeds, rhythms, and dynamics; there's lots of erotic territory you'll find simply by changing your point of view.

##### _Traditional Butt Fucking_

I want to stress that anal pleasure comes in many different forms, from licking and external stimulation, to penetration with fingers or toys. Anal sex should not be equated only with his cock in your ass. However, that said, if his cock in your ass is the desired goal, here are some tips to get you on the right track. (Pay attention, girls, you can change the pronouns and use many of these techniques on his ass, too.)

Start with plenty of foreplay—work her clit, lick her pussy, play with her breasts, and get her as excited as possible. The more turned on she is, the more engorged her genitals will be. When everything is wet and swollen, it's also relaxed and more receptive to penetration. Play with her butt cheeks—squeeze them, stroke them, maybe even spank them a little. Spread some lube on her anal opening and the perineum; stimulate the external area to get her focused on feeling pleasure in her ass. When you begin to penetrate her with one well-lubed finger, go deliciously slowly. Work her clit with your mouth or your finger or a vibrator while your finger is in her ass, or guide her hand between her legs for self-stimulation. Remember, clitoral stimulation will not only help relax her, it will also make anal penetration feel better. Some women tighten their sphincter muscles when their clits are being stimulated, having the reverse effect—she'll let you know if the stimulation is helping her open up or if she's clamping around your finger instead.

When you first get inside her, just past the sphincter muscles, just go up to the first knuckle and stay there. Let her ass get used to the feeling of your finger. One trick I like to use is where I gently press in what I call the "North-South-East-West" motion: up, down, and side to side with a subtle amount of movement and pressure. As you proceed farther inside, remember to angle toward the G-spot; you can even try rubbing the front wall of the rectum for more G-spot stimulation. Let her be the one to tell you when she wants more fingers. Slowly withdraw your finger, add more lube, then slide two fingers inside gently. Again, begin with the pad-of-the-finger trick, and let her get used to the sensation of more fingers in her ass.

Once she's more relaxed and used to the feeling, you can start to move in and out. Remember that the ass is more sensitive, so proceed more gently than you may be used to when finger-fucking her vagina. On the road toward putting your cock in her ass, you can proceed a few different ways:

  * Continue with finger penetration, adding fingers two, three, and maybe four; or
  * After two fingers, switch to a slim dildo which you move in and out of her ass; or
  * Slide a well-lubricated butt plug slowly inside her ass. Once it is all the way in, play with it a little bit by tapping on the end of it or moving it slightly. Then, give her some clitoral stimulation or maybe vaginal penetration. Perhaps she can suck your dick or give you a hand job. After the butt plug has been in for a while, you can carefully slide it out. Her ass should be relaxed and ready for you.

After the warm-up period, lubricate your penis and re-lube her anus. Place your cock at her anal opening and hold it with your hand to help you guide it. Again, you have a few options:

  * Have her move her body toward your cock (forward or backward depending on your positions), while you guide it inside.
  * Rub your cock against her opening. This external stimulation should relax the anus. As the sphincter muscles contract, the opening appears to "wink" at you. As it winks open, take the opportunity to slide in.
  * Press your cock against her opening and gently push against it (she may want to either relax or bear down in order to let you inside).
  * Penetrate her ass with your finger, withdraw it, and while her anus is open, gently insert your penis.
  * Have her stimulate her clit as you penetrate her. This will relax and arouse her, making penetration easier.
  * Deep breathing will help her relax and concentrate on opening her ass to you as well as circulating blood to her genitals. (Taking shallow breaths tightens the muscles and inhibits the engorgement process.)
  * Girls, if he's having trouble hitting his intended target (hey, those two holes are close together and it's slippery with all that lube), wrap your fingers around the head of his cock and help to guide him inside your ass.

When you first get inside her ass, don't go too deep. Again, you want to give her ass an opportunity to get used to your penis. Keep your movements slow, gentle, and subtle at first. When she's ready, you can venture farther inside and start some slow thrusting. She should tell you if she wants you to go deeper or faster or both. Then, it's simply a matter of exploring what feels good for both of you.

##### _Anal Pleasure for Men_

Let me admit my bias about male anal pleasure right off the bat. Guys: getting fucked in the ass is one of the greatest gifts you can give a woman and yourself. First, there is the purely physical prize that awaits you when you are on the receiving end of anal pleasure: incredibly arousing prostate stimulation. Too many men still have not experienced the wonders of their prostate gland. For many of you, your first foray into the land of anal penetration probably took place in a sterile white room, on a paper-covered table. Your proctologist squeezed a lump of K-Y onto his latex-clad hand and shoved his finger up your ass. It wasn't erotic, it didn't feel particularly good, and you weren't even attracted to the guy. All this happened five minutes after words like "prostate cancer" and "rectal exam" were uttered. Some turn-on. Now you know how women feel at the gynecologist's. Put this experience out of your mind—it was a medical exam. I'm talking about mind-blowing sex.

But in order to have this mind-blowing sex, most men must first get over a lot of shame and fear and embrace all the ass has to offer: those nerve endings, that sensitive tissue, and the pleasures of the prostate. Remember, a few inches inside the rectum and toward his navel, the "male G-spot" and a world of ecstasy awaits.

Since anal pleasure is still taboo in American culture, anyone who admits to being a backdoor betty is on the front lines of sexual liberation. As women, since we are already positioned as the receptive, penetrated partner, we need only reorient ourselves to focus on the _other_ orifice. The man, on the other hand, is the penetrator, the active partner, the pencil to her sharpener. Anal sex is a unique opportunity for men to be penetrated—the other side of the fence for those of you usually dishing it out. Giving your body over to a woman in a (w)hole new way requires extreme trust; plus, men must also confront some of the baggage that comes with a desire for anal pleasure. Reassure yourself that wanting to be a bend-over boyfriend does not make you gay, kinky, or immoral. Some men may feel particularly submissive when a woman "does" them; however, you don't have to be passive to be penetrated. I encourage you to work through any issues you may have about your sexual or gender role, and come out of an altogether different closet, along with other straight men who can proudly say, "I love getting fucked in the ass!"

Prostate stimulation may take some getting used to. Make sure to give your partner helpful hints about what kinds of stimulation feel the best. Realize also that when some men have their ass stimulated, they may lose their erection; no one is exactly sure why this happens. Don't be alarmed if it happens to you or your partner. A loss of erection could signal a man's fear or anxiety about being penetrated, and you may want to check in with your partner if you sense some physical or emotional discomfort. However, a man may also be having the time of his life and still have a less than rock-hard cock. It's okay, it just means your body is more focused on your ass than your cock at the moment. It may not happen every time you are penetrated, or it may change as you become aroused. Worrying about your loss of erection is not going to help it return or help you to have a good time. Relax, and let it do whatever it wants to do.

As women try out the role of active penetrator, we can slip our tongues, fingers, and (rubber) cocks inside our male lovers' bodies, learning how to give and get pleasure in a brand-new way. Being on the other side of the dick is a chance for women to have their own revolution, too. We can see how the other half does it, and experience our power as women in a new way. Since our anorectal anatomy is so similar, all the tips and techniques you read about in this chapter apply to both women and men. You can use your mouth, your fingers, or an anal-sex toy to penetrate your man's ass. Some couples, however, like to experience their anal pleasure with a strap-on dildo.

##### _Strap-On Sex Tips_

For many reasons, strap-ons are a great way to experience anal penetration. Dildos and harnesses mean that you can have a hands-free fuck, and use your mitts for other things. People also like the closeness (of body and mind) that a strap-on affords partners during penetration. With a strap-on, a woman can put her whole body behind the penetration, and feel what it's like to shoot from the hip, so to speak.

Every single day that I worked at woman-owned sex-toy store Toys in Babeland, at least one straight couple bought a dildo and harness for her to fuck him. Remember "My First Pony," a sweet toy for little girls? Well, for all you adventurous couples, I recommend what I call "My first strap-on"—for the ride of both your lives. It's a slim silicone dildo, seven inches long with a 1 1/4-inch diameter (Toys in Babeland calls it "Mistress" and Good Vibrations calls it "Champ #1"), which I consider to be the best for virgin voyagers. Add a simple, functional harness of your choice and, of course, lots and lots of lube.

There is a growing selection of harnesses made of leather, vinyl, nylon webbing, and even denim; two of the best manufacturers of quality harnesses (who also do retail sales) are Stormy Leather in San Francisco and Aslan Leather in Toronto, Canada. Your choice of material depends on how you want your harness to look and how much money you want to spend.

Harnesses come in several styles, and your selection should depend on both function and aesthetics. (See illustration 8.) There is a basic triangle harness with one strap that fits between your legs; this harness tends to fit especially petite women the best. Because it fits like a G-string, the center strap rubs against your genitals, which may feel stimulating to some and annoying to others. There is a two-strapped harness with a triangle front which you wear like a jock strap; this style places the straps around your ass cheeks, leaving your vagina and ass easily accessible and free to be stimulated. People find that the two-strap harness tends to give them more control than the one strap model; the dildo moves around less and is easier to guide. Both of these triangle styles have a hole where you slip the dildo through, which rests against your pubic mound.

If you prefer something between you and the dildo, there is a two-strap harness with a piece of material behind the cock ring. This style (sometimes called the "Terra Firma" harness) also allows you to change the size of the cock ring, which is especially good if the dildo you are using is significantly smaller or larger than an average sized one. You also have a choice of fasteners on your harness, either buckles or D-rings. There are plenty of other styles, including those made to fit plus-sized women. See what fits you best and is easiest for you to adjust.

FIG. 8 STRAP-ON ANAL SEX

You want to choose a harness that fits you well—the snugger and more secure the better. I recommend that you try a few different styles on before you buy them, or if you order from a catalog, see what the return policy is. The majority of dildos will fit in a standard harness, as long as there is a flared base and the dildo isn't excessively large. For beginning anal players, I would recommend a smaller dildo to start out.

As a woman doing the penetration, you should experiment with different positions. I know that the first few times I fucked someone in the ass with a strap-on, I had the person in traditional doggie-style position for several reasons. Doggie style gives you a clear view of the butthole, so you can see exactly what you're doing, and the position allows for a good angle of penetration toward the prostate. It's also an easy position to get your balance, establish a rhythm, and get some good thrusting going. So, you may want to start out that way, but you can also try missionary (usually with legs over the shoulders) or man-on-top.

Learning how to skillfully wield a strap-on takes practice and patience. If you feel like the dildo is moving around too much or doesn't feel secure, then your harness isn't tight enough and you should adjust it. In the beginning, you may want to guide the dildo with your hand, which will give you more control of exactly where it's going. When your partner is ready for penetration, be gentle and go slowly. Press the tip of the well-lubricated dildo against his opening, and have him come back on it. This may help him feel less vulnerable, and will reassure you that you're not hurting him. Once you are inside him, and he's ready for some movement, begin slowly. You want to establish a thrusting motion with your hips, one that feels good to him and won't tire you out too quickly.

Women can enjoy penetrating men on many different levels. The trust and intimacy between partners can feel especially heightened and very arousing. The naughty, taboo aspects of both anal sex and a woman with a dick can really get her motor going. The power she feels as the penetrating partner can also add to her fantasy and pleasure. Women, you'll be happy to know that strap-on anal sex also has the potential to be physically stimulating for you.

There are several opportunities for women to get a little action themselves while they are giving it to their guys. For some women, when the base of the dildo rubs against the clitoris and vagina, there is enough friction there to feel fantastic. There is a textured silicone square made by Dils for Does called "The Magic Carpet," which you wear between the dildo and your pussy; its bumps and grooves give you extra stimulation in all the right places. I also want to add a plug for dildos with balls. Some women don't choose a dildo with balls simply because they prefer a more nonrealistic style. However, balls do more than make it look real; they extend the base of the dildo and cover more surface area—which means more for you to rub up against. Think about it.

If you'd like to add a vibrator to the equation, you have several options. You could select a vibrating dildo, which will deliver vibration to both you and your partner. You could try to don a wearable vibrator beneath your harness, but this may be awkward and interfere with the harness being tight enough. A better idea is the "Buzz Me" harness made by Stormy Leather and equipped with a pocket for a small vibrating egg. Or Vixen Creations has several dildos, among them "Treasure Chest" and "Bobby Sue," with hollowed-out bases. Stick a vibrating egg in the base of the dildo, tuck the battery pack in the side of your harness, and you're ready for vibrating action, his and hers style!

Perhaps you want something inside you while you put something inside him; well, you can do that too. There are harnesses with two holes, one for the dildo to penetrate him with, another for a dildo pointing in your direction (made by Outrageous Creations and Stormy Leather). Stormy Leather makes a "harness cuff," which can transform a one hole harness into a two-hole harness. There are also double-headed dildos designed by Vixen and Tantus especially for one-hole harness use. The "Nexus" by Vixen is not an extra long jelly dong like you see in adult novelty stores. Instead, it's a two dildos-in-one package: you can have a dildo inside your vagina or your ass while simultaneously penetrating your partner. I just love sex-toy technology.

Strap-On Sex Videos

**I** _have never had two guys penetrate me at the same time, but I really want to do this. I think the idea of having two cocks in me—one in my pussy and one in my ass—would be an unbelievable feeling. However, this seems to be a hard thing to pull off. Do you have any tips on how to make this experience as pleasurable as possible?_

Congrats for being able to voice your fantasy out loud and tell your boyfriend. Some people think that it's just a very popular circus trick in porn, but there are real women who love to have both holes filled (and fucked) at once. My first piece of advice is that maybe the two of you should practice some double penetration before you invite a friend over. Begin at the beginning, with one well-lubed finger in each hole, and work your way up from there. Use lots and lots of lube, go slow, and see what kind of movement feels best.

When you are ready to graduate to something bigger, use a flexible vibrator or dildo in your ass as your boyfriend penetrates your vagina. Start out with both inside only part of the way, and gradually move farther as you feel ready. Communication is extremely important: you're testing the limits of your body, so make sure you give your man plenty of feedback about how it feels. Also realize that some women can easily and comfortably accommodate something of size in their pussy and in their ass. Others will take some effort, with lots of warm-up. But some women may not be able to do it at all, since double penetration really depends on your internal map, and if there's room for two. You are the one who will know best if it's possible, so make sure you're the one who's in charge and calling the shots. Work out the kinks on your dildo before you plan your threesome.

When you are ready to tackle two flesh cocks at once, again, use plenty of lube and go really slow. Depending on the size and height of all three of you, some positions will work better than others. You may want to straddle one man and have the other penetrate you from behind. Try to take one cock about halfway inside your pussy, then angle your body to take the other one in your ass. Both men should start with very shallow penetration, so you can get used to the feeling. Remember that porn stars make it look easy in adult movies, but they are seasoned professionals! You may be much more awkward your first time around.