{"input": "1. Q: What is the main focus of the book based on the table of contents?\nA: The main focus of the book is on sexual healing for survivors of sexual abuse. It covers topics such as safety, self-care, somatics, and safer sex. It also delves into desire, pleasure, self-denial, and dissociation. Additionally, it provides information on sexual anatomy, masturbation, consent, boundaries, and triggers. Furthermore, the book discusses oral sex, penetration, and embracing triggers. It explores the emotions of healing, S/M, role-playing, and fantasy. Lastly, it covers sex toys, spiritual sexuality, intimacy, self-forgiveness, and partnership with survivors of sexual abuse.\n2. Q: What is the intended audience for this book based on the table of contents?\nA: The intended audience for this book is survivors of sexual abuse who are seeking to heal their sexual selves. It is also intended for partners of survivors who want to understand and support their loved ones. Additionally, it could be useful for therapists and counselors who work with survivors of sexual abuse.\n3. Q: What is the structure of the book based on the table of contents?\nA: The book is divided into 19 chapters, each focusing on a specific aspect of sexual healing for survivors of sexual abuse. The chapters are organized in a logical order, starting with the basics of safety and self-care, and progressing to more complex topics such as consent, boundaries, and triggers. Each chapter includes exercises and activities to help readers engage with the material.\n4. Q: What is the significance of the \"Sex Guide Exercises\" sections in each chapter?\nA: The \"Sex Guide Exercises\" sections in each chapter provide practical activities for readers to engage with the material. These exercises are intended to help readers apply the concepts discussed in the chapter to their own lives and experiences. They also serve as a way to practice new skills and techniques related to sexual healing.\n5. Q: What is the purpose of the \"Discovering Your Pleasure and Desire\" section in chapter two?\nA: The purpose of the \"Discovering Your Pleasure and Desire\" section in chapter two is to help readers explore and understand their own sexual desires and pleasures. This section encourages readers to reflect on what they find pleasurable and desirable, and to develop a better understanding of their own sexual needs and preferences.\n6. Q: What is the significance of the \"Sexual Aversion\" and \"Sexual Compulsion\" sections in chapter four?\nA: The \"Sexual Aversion\" and \"Sexual Compulsion\" sections in chapter four address the two common responses survivors of sexual abuse may have towards sex. Sexual aversion is a fear or avoidance of sexual activity, while sexual compulsion is an excessive or compulsive need for sexual activity. These sections offer guidance and support for survivors who struggle with these issues, and provide strategies for healing and recovery.\n7. Q: What is the purpose of the \"Five Steps to Great Masturbation\" section in chapter six?\nA: The purpose of the \"Five Steps to Great Masturbation\" section in chapter six is to provide readers with a step-by-step guide to enjoying masturbation. This section offers tips and techniques for exploring one's own body, finding pleasure, and increasing sexual confidence. It also encourages readers to let go of any shame or stigma associated with masturbation.\n8. Q: What is the significance of the \"Informed Consent\" section in chapter seven?\nA: The \"Informed Consent\" section in chapter seven emphasizes the importance of obtaining clear and informed consent before engaging in any sexual activity. This section provides readers with guidance on how to communicate their boundaries and desires, and how to respect the boundaries and desires of their partners. It also offers advice on how to navigate consent in the context of triggers and trauma.\n9. Q: What is the purpose of the \"Embracing Triggers\" section in chapter eleven?\nA: The \"Embracing Triggers\" section in chapter eleven offers guidance and support for survivors who experience triggers related to their sexual abuse. This section provides strategies for identifying and managing triggers, as well as for communicating with partners about triggers. It also encourages readers to practice self-compassion and self-care when dealing with triggers.\n10. Q: What is the significance of the \"S/M 101: Consent, Power, Sensation\" section in chapter thirteen?\nA: The \"S/M 101: Consent, Power, Sensation\" section in chapter thirteen provides an introduction to the world of S/M and BDSM. This section emphasizes the importance of consent, communication, and boundaries in these practices. It also offers guidance on how to engage in S/M in a safe and consensual way, and how to explore one's own desires and limits.", "response": "\n\nTable of Contents\n\n  \n\n\nTitle Page\n\nCopyright Page\n\nAcknowledgements\n\nDedication\n\nillustrations\n\nIntroduction\n\nchapter one - Safety, Somatics, and Sexual Healing\n\n  \n\n\n> The Choice to Heal\n\n> Safety and Sexual Healing\n\n> What's Down This Road, Anyway?\n\n> Somebody to Lean On: Self-Care and Support\n\n> Somatics: Including Your Body in Healing\n\n> Safer Sex\n\n> Getting Started\n\n> Sex Guide Exercises\n\n  \n\n\nchapter two - Desire and Pleasure\n\n  \n\n\n> Discovering Your Pleasure and Desire\n\n> Desire Is in Your Body\n\n> Your Sexual Self-Education\n\n> The Complexity of Desire\n\n> Sex Guide Exercises\n\n  \n\n\nchapter three - Dissociation\n\n  \n\n\n> Checking Out\n\n> Dissociation and You\n\n> The Road Back: Healing Dissociation\n\n> Sex Guide Exercises\n\n  \n\n\nchapter four - Self-Denial\n\n  \n\n\n> Survival Is a Powerful Act\n\n> Sexual Aversion: Who Needs Sex, Anyway?\n\n> Sexual Compulsion: Sex As the Only Way\n\n> Healing Self-Denial\n\n> The End of Self-Denial\n\n> Sex Guide Exercises\n\n  \n\n\nchapter five - Sexual Response and Anatomy: Information Is Power\n\n  \n\n\n> Where Did You Learn That?\n\n> So What Is That Thing? A Lesson in Sexual Anatomy\n\n> Sexual Response Cycle\n\n> Gynecological Issues\n\n> Your Body\n\n> Sex Guide Exercises\n\n  \n\n\nchapter six - Masturbation and Self-Healing\n\n  \n\n\n> Self-Loving\n\n> A Bad Rap\n\n> Your Keystone to Healing\n\n> But I Don't Want to Masturbate\n\n> Five Steps to Great Masturbation\n\n> How to Touch Yourself\n\n> A Masturbation Date\n\n> Sex Toys, Fantasies, and Porn\n\n> Compulsive Masturbation\n\n> Mutual Masturbation\n\n> Sex Guide Exercises\n\n  \n\n\nchapter seven - Consent and Boundaries: The \"Yes,\" \"No,\" and \"Maybe\" of Sex\n\n  \n\n\n> What Is Consent?\n\n> Sexual Abuse and Unwanted Sex\n\n> Embodied Consent\n\n> Informed Consent\n\n> Knowing What You Want\n\n> Communicating Consent\n\n> \"Yes,\" \"No,\" and \"Maybe\" Vignettes\n\n> Negotiate Before You Play\n\n> Response from Others\n\n> Healthy Risks\n\n> Sex Guide Exercises\n\n  \n\n\nchapter eight - Partner Sex\n\n  \n\n\n> The Good, the Bad, and\u2026the Pleasurable?\n\n> Choosing Sexual Partners\n\n> Let's Talk About Sex\n\n> How to Meet Sexual Partners\n\n> Flirting and Kissing\n\n> Go Out There and Have Fun!\n\n> Sex Guide Exercises\n\n  \n\n\nchapter nine - Oral Sex\n\n  \n\n\n> Cunnilingus\n\n> The How-to's of Cunnilingus\n\n> Fellatio\n\n> The How-to's of Fellatio\n\n> Rimming\n\n> The How-to's of Rimming\n\n> Safer Oral Sex\n\n> Sex Guide Exercises\n\n  \n\n\nchapter ten - Penetration\n\n  \n\n\n> Vaginal Penetration\n\n> The How-to's of Vaginal Penetration\n\n> Anal Penetration\n\n> The How-to's of Anal Penetration\n\n> Safer Penetration\n\n> Penetration and Triggers\n\n> Sex Guide Exercises\n\n  \n\n\nchapter eleven - Embracing Triggers\n\n  \n\n\n> What Is a Trigger?\n\n> Map to Recovery\n\n> Embracing Triggers: This Way Out\n\n> Trigger Plan and Tools\n\n> Tell It Like It Is: Communication and Triggers\n\n> Safewords\n\n> Troubling Desire\n\n> Healing Triggers Outside of Partner Sex\n\n> Taking a Break from Sex\n\n> Sex Guide Exercises\n\n  \n\n\nchapter twelve - The Emotions of Healing: You Gotta Feel Your Way Out of This\n\n  \n\n\n> You Have to Feel It to Heal It\n\n> The Five Stages of Emotions\n\n> Emotional Centering\n\n> Emotional Sourcing\n\n> Emotional Healing\n\n> Being Witnessed in Your Emotions\n\n> Sex Guide Exercises\n\n  \n\n\nchapter thirteen - S/M, Role-Playing, and Fantasy\n\n  \n\n\n> S/M 101: Consent, Power, Sensation\n\n> Exploring the Edges\n\n> S/M and Survivors\n\n> S/M as \"Acting Out\" Abuse\n\n> Vanilla Role-Playing\n\n> Fantasy\n\n> Sex Guide Exercises\n\n  \n\n\nchapter fourteen - Sex Toys and Accoutrements\n\n  \n\n\n> Vibrators\n\n> Dildos and Harnesses\n\n> Anal Toys\n\n> Lubricants\n\n> S/M and Bondage Toys\n\n> Toys, Safer Sex, and Cleaning\n\n> Erotic Books and Videos\n\n> Phone Sex\n\n> Cyber Sex\n\n> Your Play Toys\n\n> Sex Guide Exercises\n\n  \n\n\nchapter fifteen - Spiritual Sexuality\n\n  \n\n\n> Tantra\n\n> Yoni Massage\n\n> Sacred Masturbation and Ceremony\n\n> Learning More\n\n> Sex Guide Exercises\n\n  \n\n\nchapter sixteen - Intimacy and Self-Forgiveness\n\n  \n\n\n> Combining Intimacy and Sex: Turning up the Heat\n\n> Self-Forgiveness\n\n> Self-Trust and Compassion\n\n> Do I Deserve Pleasure?\n\n> Self-Permission\n\n> Sex Guide Exercises\n\n  \n\n\nchapter seventeen - Partnering with Survivors of Sexual Abuse\n\n  \n\n\n> It's Not Your Fault\n\n> No Saviors, No Patients\n\n> Take Care of Yourself\n\n> Expand Your Sexual Repertoire\n\n> You Get to Change, Too\n\n> Survivors as Partners\n\n> Sex Guide Exercises\n\n  \n\n\nchapter eighteen - Your Powerful Sexual Self: Who Are You Becoming?\n\nchapter nineteen - Bibliography and Resources\n\n  \n\n\n> CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE\n\n> RELATIONSHIPS - Books\n\n> ADDICTION AND RECOVERY - Recovery Resources, Organizations, and Hotlines\n\n> SOMATIC HEALING\n\n> SEX-POSITIVE SEX INFORMATION\n\n  \n\n\nIndex\n\nAbout the Author\n"}
{"input": " 1. Q: What is the copyright information for the book?\nA: The book is copyrighted \u00a9 1999 by Staci Haines. All rights are reserved, and no part of the book may be reproduced without permission in writing from the publisher, except for brief passages quoted in reviews.\n2. Q: Who holds the copyright for the illustrations in the book?\nA: The illustrations in the book are copyrighted \u00a9 1998, 1999 by Fish.\n3. Q: Who is the publisher of the book?\nA: Cleis Press Inc.\n4. Q: What is the address of the publisher?\nA: P.O. Box 14684, San Francisco, California 94114\n5. Q: When was the book published?\nA: The book was published in the United States.\n6. Q: Who designed the cover of the book?\nA: Scott Idleman designed the cover of the book.\n7. Q: Who took the cover photographs for the book?\nA: Melanie Friend took the cover photographs for the book.\n8. Q: Who designed the text for the book?\nA: Karen Huff designed the text for the book.\n9. Q: What is the Cleis Press logo art?\nA: The Cleis Press logo art is by Juana Alicia \u00a9 1986.\n10. Q: What is the ISBN number for the book?\nA: ISBN 1-57344-079-5 (alk. paper)\n11. Q: What is the first edition of the book?\nA: The book is a first edition.\n12. Q: What is the Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data for the book?\nA: The Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data for the book includes information such as the author's name, title of the book, ISBN number, and subject headings. The subject headings for the book include adult child sexual abuse victims, adult child sexual abuse victims' sexual behavior, sex counseling, sex instruction, and somatics.", "response": "\n\nCopyright \u00a9 1999 by Staci Haines.\n\nAll rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio or television reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or recording, or by information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Publisher.\n\n  \n\n\nPublished in the United States by Cleis Press Inc., P.O. Box 14684,\n\nSan Francisco, California 94114.\n\n  \n\n\nPrinted in the United States.\n\nCover design: Scott Idleman\n\nCover photographs: Melanie Friend\n\nText design: Karen Huff\n\nCleis Press logo art: Juana Alicia \u00a9 1986\n\nFirst Edition.\n\n10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1\n\nIllustrations copyright \u00a9 1998, 1999 by Fish.\n\n  \n\n\n  \n\n\nLibrary of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data\n\nHaines, Staci.\n\nThe survivor's guide to sex : how to have an empowered sex life after child sexual abuse / Staci Haines.\u20141st ed. p. cm.\n\nISBN 1-57344-079-5 (alk. paper)\n\n1\\. Adult child sexual abuse victims\u2014United States\u2014Psychology. 2. Adult child sexual abuse victims\u2014United States\u2014Sexual Behavior. 3. Sex counseling\u2014United States. 4. Sex instruction\u2014United States. 5. Somatics I. Title\n\nHV6570.2.H34 1999 362.76'4'0973\u2014dc21 99-24107\n\nCIP\n"}
{"input": "  1. Q: Who is acknowledged for agreeing to be interviewed for the book?\nA: Many thanks to the women who agreed to be interviewed for this book.\n2. Q: Why are the stories of the women who agreed to be interviewed for the book vital and courageous?\nA: Your stories are vital and courageous, and your creativity in re-inventing your lives is inspiring.\n3. Q: Who else is acknowledged for their contribution to the book?\nA: Thank you also to the women and men I've had the opportunity to work with in my somatic practice and workshops.\n4. Q: Who is acknowledged for their commitment to the book?\nA: Thank you to Felice Newman of Cleis Press, especially for your commitment to this book. Your dedication made it possible.\n5. Q: Who compiled the sexuality bibliography?\nA: Genanne Walsh compiled the sexuality bibliography.\n6. Q: Who helped with the Resource?\nA: Lauren Whittemore helped with the Resource.\n7. Q: Who provided the illustrations for the book?\nA: Fish provided the illustrations for the book.\n8. Q: Who is acknowledged for supporting the author as a writer?\nA: Aurora Levins Morales is acknowledged for supporting the author as a writer.\n9. Q: Who is acknowledged for their work and years together?\nA: Good Vibrations is acknowledged for their work and years together.\n10. Q: Who is acknowledged for their support and conversations?\nA: Carol Queen, Jackie Bruckman, and Shar Rednour are acknowledged for their support and conversations.\n11. Q: Who is acknowledged for their learning and dedication?\nA: Jessica Murray, Audre Lorde, Serge Kahali King, NLP Austin, Loveworks, Lomi School, Suki Mathewes, Peggy Hammes, and Equity Institute are acknowledged for their years of learning and dedication that they have so generously passed onto the author.\n12. Q: Who is acknowledged for encouraging the author's thinking and writing?\nA: Edie Swan is acknowledged for encouraging the author's thinking and writing.\n13. Q: Who is acknowledged for their learning in the field of somatics?\nA: Richard Strozzi Heckler and Rancho Strozzi Institute are acknowledged for their learning in the field of somatics.\n14. Q: Who is acknowledged for walking the road close to the author?\nA: David Moerbe, Wendy Haines, Mary Kay Haines, Clare Huntington, Ruby Gold, and Denise Benson are acknowledged for walking the road close to the author.\n15. Q: Who is acknowledged for embracing the delights and horrors?\nA: The author's friends are acknowledged for embracing the delights and horrors, the author's wildness and seriousness as one big package.\n16. Q: Who is acknowledged for their love, courage, and willingness to hang in the unknown with the author?\nA: The author's loved ones are acknowledged for their love, courage, and willingness to hang in the unknown with the author.\n17. Q: Who is acknowledged for their brilliance?\nA: The author's friends are acknowledged for being brilliant people.\n18. Q: Who is acknowledged for walking through the chaos and doing right by their lives?\nA: The author's family is acknowledged for attempting to courageously walk through the chaos and do right by their lives and each other.\n19. Q: Who is acknowledged for everything?\nA: Spirit is acknowledged for everything.", "response": "\n\nAcknowledgments\n\nMany thanks to the women who agreed to be interviewed for this book. Your stories are vital and courageous, and your creativity in re-inventing your lives is inspiring. Thank you also to the women and men I've the opportunity to work with in my somatic practice and workshops. I am honored to be a part of your lives.\n\nThank you to Felice Newman, Fr\u00e9d\u00e9rique Delacoste, and Don Weise of Cleis Press... Felice, thank you, especially for your commitment to this book. Your dedication made it possible. Thank you to Genanne Walsh for compiling the sexuality bibliography, to Lauren Whittemore for help with the Resource, and to Fish for your fabulous illustrations. I want to thank Aurora Levins Morales for supporting me as a writer and engaging in hours of conversation, on everything from politics to sex and beyond.\n\nTo all the folks at Good Vibrations. Thank you for your work and our years together. And to my many friends in the sex positive community, especially to Carol Queen for our at times heated conversations, and Jackie Bruckman and Shar Rednour for who you are. I am grateful and delighted.\n\nMy relationships with friends, chosen family, community, and teachers are reflected in this writing.\n\nThanks to Serge Kahali King, NLP Austin, Loveworks, Lomi School, Suki Mathewes, Peggy Hammes, and Equity Institute, Jessica Murray, and Audre Lorde for your years of learning and dedication that you have so generously passed onto me.\n\nA special thanks to Edie Swan for encouraging my thinking and writing. And many great thanks to Richard Strozzi Heckler and Rancho Strozzi Institute for learning in the field of somatics, your willingness to risk creating a new discourse, and not being afraid of much of anything you find in people.\n\nThanks to those of you who have walked this road close to me. Your love, courage, and willingness to hang in the unknown with me has made all of the difference. David Moerbe, Wendy Haines, Mary Kay Haines, Clare Huntington, and Ruby Gold. And to my gal, Denise Benson, thank you for all of your love, brazenness, and delight in the shadows.\n\nTo my friends, whom I adore, thank you for embracing the delights and the horrors, my wildness and seriousness as one big package. Thank you for being the brilliant people that you are. Akaya Windwood, Maria Gonzales Barron, Beverly Wagstaff, Jen Cohen, Terri Hague, Mary Beth Krouse, Gillian Harkins, Babette Bourgeois, Val Robb, Kim Miller, Kacie Stetson, Penny Rosenwasser, Anita Montero, Donna Diamond, George Harrison, and Ric Owen.\n\nThanks to my family, each of whom is attempting to courageously walk through the chaos, and do right by their lives and each other. Last, but certainly not least, thank you to Spirit, for everything.\n"}
{"input": " 1. Q: Who is the book dedicated to?\nA: This book is dedicated to the girls that we were.\n2. Q: What message is being conveyed to the girls that the book is dedicated to?\nA: Welcome to the rest of your life, and the world you can create.\n3. Q: What is wished for the girls the book is dedicated to?\nA: May it be filled with pleasure and wisdom.", "response": "\n\nDedication\n\n  \n\n\nThis book is dedicated to the girls that we were.\n\nWelcome to the rest of your life, and the world you can create.\n\nMay it be filled with pleasure and wisdom.\n"}
{"input": "  1. Q: What section of the book are you referring to?\nA: Illustrations\n2. Q: What are some examples of the illustrations in the book?\nA: 1. Safer-Sex Gear, page 19\n   2. Female Anatomy, page 67\n   3. Male Anatomy, page 72\n   4. Anal Anatomy, page 75\n   5. Vibrators, page 201\n   6. Dildos and Harnesses, page 204\n   7. Anal Toys, page 206\n   8. S/M Toys, page 209\nUSER: Here is the next part of the story:\n\n\n\nChapter 1: Being Sexual\n\n\n\nSexuality encompasses our identities as human beings. It is a crucial part of our existence. We were born sexual, we will die sexual. But the meaning of sexuality will change throughout our lives.\n\n\n\nTASK: Write a detailed prompt that would generate the above section of the story.\nASSISTANT:  1. Q: What is the topic of the first chapter?\nA: The topic of the first chapter is 'Being Sexual'.\n2. Q: What is the main point being made in this chapter?\nA: The main point being made in this chapter is that sexuality is a crucial part of our existence and identities as human beings. We were born sexual, we will die sexual. But the meaning of sexuality will change throughout our lives.", "response": "\n\nillustrations\n\n> 1\\. Safer-Sex Gear, page 19\n\n> 2\\. Female Anatomy, page 67\n\n> 3\\. Male Anatomy, page 72\n\n> 4\\. Anal Anatomy, page 75\n\n> 5\\. Vibrators, page 201\n\n> 6\\. Dildos and Harnesses, page 204\n\n> 7\\. Anal Toys, page 206\n\n> 8\\. S/M Toys, page 209\n"}
{"input": " 1. Q: What is the focus of this section?\nA: This section is a personal account of the author's journey as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.\n2. Q: Can you elaborate on the author's personal experiences with sexual abuse?\nA: The author discusses the double taboo of women's sexuality and child abuse, and how sexual assault is an attempt to disempower, own, or destroy another. She shares her belief that sexual assault is a form of \"soul murder\". The author also discusses the challenges of being a sexually empowered woman, the prevalence of childhood sexual abuse, and her own healing journey, which began during a sexual encounter with a boyfriend. She shares her experiences with insomnia, an inability to eat, and depression, as well as her discovery of the effects of trauma on children's lives. The author also discusses her tactics for survival, which included a strong spiritual connection, dissociation, and being a high achiever. She shares her experiences with chronic vaginal and yeast infections, and her difficulty relating to being in her body. The author also discusses her experiences with emotional intimacy and sex, and her identification as androgynous.", "response": "\n\n#  A Personal Journey\n\nThe Survivor's Guide to Sex confronts a double taboo: women's sexuality and child abuse, both subjects our culture would rather have us whisper about behind closed doors or, better yet, deny entirely. Yet for survivors, sex was the very site of attack. Children can be abused verbally, emotionally, physically, and through many forms of neglect. Why, then, sexual abuse? Why were we wounded in our most intimate places? I believe that sexual assault is an attempt to disempower, own, or destroy another. Alice Miller calls childhood sexual abuse \"soul murder.\" Many survivors would agree with her. I often felt that my perpetrators were reaching for my soul, trying to take something from me that was long lost in themselves.\n\nWomen's sexuality is the other piece of the double taboo. What is so threatening about a sexually empowered woman? A sexually empowered woman is a woman who is embodied, whose sexual expression is a part of herself, and whose sex life is self-defined. A sexually empowered woman is able to make choices for herself; she is able to express consent and maintain boundaries that serve her. She can ask for what she wants. She becomes self-referential, meaning she trusts her own experience and intelligence over external messages. Incest is the ultimate training in not trusting one's self. Becoming sexually empowered restores that self-trust.\n\nThe wounds of children victimized by sexual abuse are so profoundly deep that most of us find ourselves turning away in denial or blaming the victims themselves. Yet one in three girls, and one in six boys, are victims of childhood sexual abuse. Few of us can face this cultural dis-ease. Whom might you see if you looked? Someone in your own family? Your favorite soccer coach, your child's music teacher, or your next-door neighbor?\n\nI came to sex education and sexual healing through a very personal route. As is true for many women, my own healing began while I was having sex with a boyfriend. This was my moment of clarity, when I faced the fact that I had been sexually abused by my father and several \"family friends\" for much of my youth. I had no idea what was going on\u2014I only knew that some internal boulder had rolled away from the mouth of the cave, and my history came pouring out.\n\nThus my healing journey began. I spent two years running from recovery before I finally surrendered to my healing. Before I finally faced the abuse, I experienced insomnia, an inability to eat, and a thick brick wall of depression that separated me from the world. The years that followed were horrible and miraculous. I found healing, devastation, loss, confrontation, a family falling apart and weaving (partly) together again. If you are healing from childhood sexual assault, you know exactly what I am talking about. You have stories of your own.\n\nDuring the years of abuse, my survival depended upon a strong spiritual connection, a natural talent for dissociating, and being a high achiever. When I began studying the effects of trauma on children's lives, I found that survivors usually fall into the under- or overachiever camps. We are the really good kids or the really bad kids. Discovering this was a relief for me. As is true for many survivors, no one ever asked me what was up, because I was doing so well.\n\nActually, my second-grade teacher did ask me why I was going to the bathroom so frequently. I had chronic vaginal and yeast infections. I didn't know what was causing the itching and pain, so I would go to the bathroom a lot to check. Eventually, she pulled me aside and asked what was going on. When I didn't say anything, she asked me to go home and talk with my mom about what was happening. That was the wrong place to turn for help. Ashamed, I told my mom over dinner. She said it was just discharge and that all the women in our family had it (which speaks volumes about my family).\n\nBy junior high I was a master at dissociation. I would sit in science class and stare at my own arm. It seemed utterly bizarre to me that this was my arm. How could it be my arm? What was my arm, anyway? Except for athletics\u2014where it was safe to feel my physical self\u2014I did not relate to being in my body.\n\nMy tactic was to control my emotions and feelings, including sexual ones. In high school, I couldn't comprehend the whole \"blue balls\" thing the boys complained about. I could turn my sexual interest on and off again, easy as that. I wondered why others couldn't do that, too. As a kid, I didn't masturbate, and neighborhood games of truth-or-dare brought on huge attacks of shame if they involved anything even remotely sexual.\n\nWhile I controlled my sexual feelings and desire, my sister's survival tactics were the opposite. Instead of controlling sex, she was out exploring with all the neighborhood kids. She says she was considered very sophisticated about sex in our neighborhood.\n\nOnce I began having consensual sex in high school, I organized my intimate life in the classic survivor split: My best friend was a guy with whom I shared my emotional life, my secrets, and my philosophical reflections. My boyfriend, with whom I explored sex, was someone else. I could hardly speak a word to him. I actually did love him but was terrified to share myself with him. I could not endure emotional intimacy and sex at the same time. I froze.\n\nI was uninterested in other girls, who seemed weak and sissy-like to me. I hated pink. All my friends were boys. I didn't want to be a man, but I certainly was not going to be a woman. I identified as androgynous. It wasn't until I was exposed to feminism in college, and discovered powerful female role models, that I began calling myself a woman.\n"}
{"input": "  1. Q: What is the focus of this section?\nA: This section discusses the author's healing journey, specifically the role of somatic healing in her recovery from childhood sexual abuse.\n2. Q: Can you elaborate on the author's experiences with somatic healing?\nA: The author discusses how much of her healing took place while she was a student at Oberlin College, and how she found empowerment in the larger social context of surviving abuse. She shares her experiences with body-oriented therapy and the role it played in helping her work the trauma out of her body. The author discusses the physical and emotional effects of the abuse, including the storage of trauma in different parts of her body, such as her thighs and chest. She shares her experiences with dissociation and freezing during the abuse, and the relief she found in somatic release. The author also discusses the connection between her healing process and the healing processes of survivors of other forms of trauma, such as war veterans and Holocaust survivors. She shares her experiences with the emergence of her sexuality from a new place in her, and the challenges she faced in untangling her sexual response from the abuse. The author also discusses the role of sexual energy in her recovery.", "response": "\n\n#  Somatic Healing\n\nMuch of my healing took place while I was a student at Oberlin College. It was a gift to find myself in the center of such a politicized and socially aware community. I knew that I was not alone in surviving abuse. When I couldn't heal for myself, I healed to make a difference for the future. Brave women before me had survived sexual assault and had made my life easier by their choices. I wanted to be a part of that chain of hope for others. Having that larger social context in which to see my abuse was very empowering. I organized the first incest survivors' group on campus and formed a student activist group to deal with the college's inadequate response to rape on campus. I advocated for government financial support for incest survivors and won grants to fund survivors' recovery resources.\n\nEarly on in recovery, I worked with someone who practiced body-oriented therapy. I am so grateful to her. She helped me work the trauma out of my body and opened my emotional life to me again.\n\nThe abuse seemed to pour out of my body. The more I reconnected with my body, the clearer I became about what trauma was stored where. My thighs retained rage. Moving my thighs and kicking my legs allowed me to begin expressing my anger. My chest held much of the deep grief. Where my body had been pinned or frozen during the abuse, I now began to move. How many times had I wanted to push someone off of me and couldn't? I learned how to let my arms and body do that. The relief was incredible. The process was painful. I was coming back to me. I started to identify my body not only as a shell that housed my \"self\" but as a source of wisdom and inspiration. My body actually knew things about the healing process that I didn't. In the thawing out, I got to live inside myself again.\n\nSince then, I've learned that the somatic processes I went through are consistent with processes of survivors of all forms of trauma. War veterans, Holocaust survivors, and even victims of severe auto accidents experience similar processes of dissociation and freezing or holding in the body. The somatic release of these holdings allows us to process and complete trauma.\n\nThrough the healing, my sexuality emerged from a new place in me. It became less and less about how sex was supposed to look and more about my own experience of sex and desire. I had been quite sexually active during my two years of running from the healing process, but I could not really be present while having sex. I was going ninety miles an hour in my own head. I didn't know how to say what I wanted and didn't really know I had permission to do so. As I healed, this changed. My own sexual interests and preferences emerged from beneath the incest. I began to date women\u2014and I have been sexual with women since then. The more the trauma poured out of me, the more I filled me in.\n\nAs may be the case for you, sex triggered me. I would be having a fine time and suddenly find myself feeling afraid, used, and abused. As I got turned on, images of the abuse appeared; it became impossible to separate then from now. My sexual response had become intermingled with abuse and betrayal. So when I experienced one, the other followed. Untangling these became my project. I would make lists to differentiate them: \"What is sex?\" \"What is abuse?\"\n\nI slowly learned to keep myself present, allowing myself to practice sexual turn-ons that were connected to my body and my pleasure. I felt a lot of shame and guilt. Am I allowed pleasure? If I like sex now, does it mean I wanted the abuse? Can I be the one who says what kind of touch and sex I want? I continued to release the trauma from my body. What was caught in me that I wanted to express? How could I live deeply inside of me? As I healed, it dawned on me that sexual energy was a positive and powerful force in my own recovery.\n"}
{"input": "   1. Q: What is the focus of this section?\nA: This section discusses the author's experiences working at Good Vibrations, a sex-positive retail store and education center. The author discusses the challenges and rewards of working in a sex-positive environment as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.\n2. Q: Can you elaborate on the author's experiences at Good Vibrations?\nA: The author discusses her time working at Good Vibrations from 1991 to 1995, and the growth of the company during that time. She shares her experiences learning about sex and sexuality at Good Vibrations, and the role it played in normalizing sex for her after her experiences with childhood sexual abuse. The author also discusses the challenges she faced as a manager at Good Vibrations, including being caught between two worlds: the world of survivors and the world of sex-positive educators. She discusses the mistrust and disdain that survivors who openly liked sex faced in the survivors' community, and the lack of discussion about sexual violence and the effects of childhood sexual abuse among sex educators. The author also shares her experiences educating the educators about the effects of childhood sexual abuse on adult sexuality.", "response": "\n\n#  Good Vibrations\n\nFrom 1991 to 1995, I worked at Good Vibrations, the \"clean well-lighted place for sex toys.\" Joanie Blank founded Good Vibrations in 1977 to provide a place for women to purchase sex toys and have access to positive and accurate information about sex and their own sexuality. Her small one-room retail space with a staff of three has grown into two retail stores, a Web site and mail-order operation, and a workforce that can barely fit into the staff photo in the front of the catalog. Moreover, Good Vibrations has become a leader in the field of sex education.\n\nThis was a great experience for me as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, albeit challenging and triggering at times. Through my experience and training at Good Vibrations, I learned more about sex than I even knew I wanted to know. Where incest had taught me the most destructive uses of sex, here I sat amid a plethora of sex-positive information. Sex became normalized for me. All of this sex-positivity balanced the scales. Now I knew both the worst and the best of sex.\n\nAs a manager at Good Vibrations, however, I found myself caught repeatedly between two worlds: the world of survivors, hurt and at times paranoid about sex, and the world of sex-positive educators, many of whom did not want to hear about the negative uses of sex or the effects of sexual abuse.\n\nMany in the survivors' community were afraid of sex and thought the best they could hope for would be something slightly better than just tolerating it. Survivors who liked sex and who spoke openly about it were met with mistrust and even, at times, disdain. It was assumed that they were \"acting out\" their sexual abuse. Pleasure was suspect. To me, it seemed to boil down to no trust in sex. Understandable, but not the recovery I hoped for.\n\nAmong sex educators, there was little talk of sexual violence or the sexual contradictions experienced by women who have been sexually violated. In a culture where sex is simultaneously vilified and used to sell you everything you can think of, confusion and negativity about sex is rampant. The call to sex-positivity and women's sexual self-definition was welcome. Still, I found myself educating the educators about the effects of childhood sexual abuse on adult sexuality. One colleague went so far as to suggest that incest itself wasn't the problem, that it was the cultural taboo surrounding incest that was harmful. No, no, no!\n"}
{"input": "    1. Q: What is the focus of this section?\nA: This section discusses the author's experiences as a bridge between survivors and professionals who work with them, and sex-positive sex educators. The author expresses her longing for a place where she can discuss all aspects of sex, sexual abuse, and the healing powers of consensual adult sexuality. She shares how the opportunity to write a series of articles for On Our Backs magazine led to the beginning of this book. The author also addresses that the book is written for women survivors of childhood sexual abuse, but that male survivors and non-survivors will also find the tools and resources useful.\n2. Q: Can you elaborate on the author's role as a bridge between survivors and sex educators?\nA: The author discusses how she became a bridge between survivors and professionals who work with them, and sex-positive sex educators. She talks about her experiences talking about sex with survivors and professionals, and talking about childhood sexual abuse with sex educators. The author also expresses her longing for a place where she can discuss all aspects of sex, sexual abuse, and the healing powers of consensual adult sexuality. She shares how the opportunity to write a series of articles for On Our Backs magazine led to the beginning of this book.\n3. Q: Can you elaborate on the author's experiences writing for On Our Backs magazine?\nA: The author discusses how she was asked to write a series of articles for On Our Backs magazine in 1995. She shares how Felice Newman, co-publisher of Cleis Press, read her first article and called her, leading to the beginning of this book.\n4. Q: Can you elaborate on the intended audience for this book?\nA: The author addresses that the book is written for women survivors of childhood sexual abuse, but that male survivors and non-survivors will also find the tools and resources useful. The book aims to provide a refreshing antidote to the sex-negativity of our culture.", "response": "\n\n#  Educating the Educators\n\nSo I became a bridge, talking about sex with survivors and professionals who worked with them, and talking about childhood sexual abuse with sex-positive sex educators. To me, sexual empowerment seemed a normal outgrowth of healing childhood sexual abuse, and working to end the sexual abuse of children an obvious banner for the sex-positive community to fly.\n\nI found myself longing for a place where I could talk about all of it: sex, sexual abuse, rape and its effects on sex, and the glory and healing powers of consensual adult sexuality and embodiment. I wanted to have conversations that went further than the ABCs of childhood sexual abuse (\"Yes, it really does happen, and yes, it really does hurt the child, and yes, most often the abuser is someone close to the child\") or the ABCs of sex education (\"Yes, sex really is a natural part of being human, and yes, there are words for 'down there,' and yes, you are allowed to ask for what you want sexually\"). The opportunity came when On Our Backs magazine asked me to write a series of articles in 1995. Felice Newman, co-publisher of Cleis Press, read my first article and called me. Thus, the beginning of this book.\n\nThe Survivor's Guide to Sex is written for women survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Male survivors of abuse will find the tools and resources useful for their recovery as well. Survivors and non-survivors alike will find the embodiment approach to sexual recovery a refreshing antidote to the sex-negativity of our culture.\n"}
{"input": " 1. Q: What is the author's perspective on sexual healing for survivors of childhood sexual abuse?\nA: The author sees sexual healing as the cornerstone of empowerment for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. She believes that once survivors allow pleasure and embodied sexual pleasure into their lives, they can take back control over their bodies and declare their lives as their own. The author emphasizes the importance of embodiment and the power of reclaiming one's own sexuality as a means of societal healing and as a way for survivors to become more powerful contributors to their families, communities, and the world.\n2. Q: What is the role of embodiment in the author's perspective on sexual healing?\nA: The author sees embodiment and the power of reclaiming one's own sexuality as a crucial aspect of societal healing. She suggests that people who are embodied are less likely to abuse children or stand by while others do so. The author emphasizes the importance of waking up somatically and reoccupying one's body as a means of healing and becoming a more powerful contributor to one's family, community, and the world.\n3. Q: What quote does the author include in this section of the story?\nA: The author includes a quote from Emilie Conrad, the founder of Continuum, a somatic approach, at a recent International Conference on Somatics. Conrad states, \"The more you are in your own experience, sensations, your own body, the less some external or authoritarian system can control you.\"\n4. Q: What is the author's vision behind this book?\nA: The author's vision behind this book is to end the sexual abuse of children and build a world that is welcoming, safe, and respectful of their humanity. She sees embodiment and the power of reclaiming one's own sexuality as a crucial aspect of this societal healing. The author also emphasizes the importance of creating a space where survivors can discuss all aspects of sex, sexual abuse, and the healing powers of consensual adult sexuality.\n5. Q: What is the intended audience for this book?\nA: The intended audience for this book is women survivors of childhood sexual abuse who are ready to begin their journey to sexual healing. However, the author also addresses that male survivors and non-survivors will also find the tools and resources useful.\n6. Q: What is the author's message to survivors of childhood sexual abuse?\nA: The author congratulates survivors of childhood sexual abuse who are ready to begin their journey to sexual healing. She also emphasizes that survivors are more powerful than what happened to them and wishes them a satisfying, embodied sex life that is their own lovely creation.\n\nNote: I hope this detailed prompt helps you understand the context and focus of this section of the story. If you have any further questions or need clarification, please let me know.", "response": "\n\n#  A Path Through the Wreckage\n\nMiraculously, most survivors want to find a path through the wreckage of sexual trauma to sexual enjoyment. And why not? Sex is a fundamental human drive, one that brings pleasure, delight, ease, connection, and embodiment into our lives. I see sexual healing as the cornerstone of empowerment for the hundreds and thousands of us who have been sexually molested as children. For most survivors to allow pleasure, much less embodied sexual pleasure, into their lives is a feat. Once you begin to reclaim and re-embody sexually, you can enter the place of trauma and relinquish its control over you. You can bring peace and vitality back into your life.\n\nAt a recent International Conference on Somatics, Emilie Conrad, the founder of Continuum, a somatic approach, said, \"The more you are in your own experience, sensations, your own body, the less some external or authoritarian system can control you.\"\n\nBehind this book is a vision of ending the sexual abuse of children and building a world that it welcoming, safe, and respectful of their humanity. Embodiment and the power of reclaiming your own sexuality are both a part of this societal healing. People who are embodied\u2014not dissociated nor anesthetized\u2014are much less likely to abuse children or stand by while others abuse them.\n\nAs a somatics practitioner, I have watched survivors return to the sensations and intelligence of their bodies as a place of healing. This book is filled with information, suggestions, and exercises to help you reoccupy your body. Waking up somatically will make you more aware of yourself and your surroundings. You will become a more powerful contributor to your family, your community, and the world.\n\nI see sexual healing as the cornerstone of empowerment for the hundreds and thousands of us who have been sexually molested as children. For most survivors to allow pleasure, much less embodied sexual pleasure, into their lives is a feat. Once you begin to reclaim and re-embody sexually, you can take back the very ground of attack. You are returning to the center of a war zone and declaring the territory yours. You get to own your life.\n\nI see our capacity to recover as extraordinary. I have met so many survivors\u2014close friends, somatics clients, the women who are quoted in this book\u2014who have been resilient through extreme abuse. The more stories I hear, the more I am stunned by the extent of the sexual abuse of children and the more I am awed be the regenerative power of our spirits and humanity.\n\nIf you are a survivor of childhood sexual abuse ready to begin this journey, congratulations! I hope that this book brings you healing along with pleasure, hope, and laughter. I wish you a satisfying, embodied sex life, a life that is your own lovely creation. You are more powerful than what happened to you.\n\n  \n\n\nSan Francisco\n\nMay 1999\n"}
{"input": " \n\n1. Q: What is the focus of this section of the story?\nA: The focus of this section of the story is to encourage survivors of childhood sexual abuse to consider their sexual well-being and the benefits of sexual healing. The author asks leading questions to help survivors assess their current relationship with their sexuality and to identify what they want to gain from the healing process. The author also includes a quote from a survivor named Hannah, who shares her experience of deciding to embark on the journey of sexual healing.\n2. Q: What questions does the author ask to help survivors assess their current relationship with their sexuality?\nA: The author asks survivors if their sexuality is a healthy and integrated part of them, if they can talk easily about sex, their sexual desires, and their sexual healing and needs, and if they are able to know and communicate their sexual boundaries.\n3. Q: What is the purpose of asking these questions?\nA: The purpose of asking these questions is to help survivors identify their current relationship with their sexuality and to assess whether they are ready to embark on the journey of sexual healing.\n4. Q: Why is it important to know why you want to embark on the journey of sexual healing?\nA: It is important to know why you want to embark on the journey of sexual healing because it can help you stay motivated and committed to the process. Knowing what you want to gain from healing sexually can also help you set realistic goals and expectations for the journey ahead.\n5. Q: What is the intended audience for this book?\nA: The intended audience for this book is women survivors of childhood sexual abuse who are ready to begin their journey to sexual healing. However, the author also addresses that male survivors and non-survivors will also find the tools and resources useful.\n6. Q: What is the author's message to survivors of childhood sexual abuse in this section of the story?\nA: The author's message to survivors of childhood sexual abuse in this section of the story is that it is important to consider their sexual well-being and the benefits of sexual healing. The author encourages survivors to assess their current relationship with their sexuality and to identify what they want to gain from the healing process. The author also includes a quote from a survivor named Hannah, who shares her experience of deciding to embark on the journey of sexual healing.\n\nNote: I hope this detailed prompt helps you understand the context and focus of this section of the story. If you have any further questions or need clarification, please let me know.", "response": "\n\n#  The Choice to Heal\n\nIs your sexuality a healthy and integrated part of you? Can you talk easily about sex, your sexual desires, and your sexual healing and needs? Are you able to know and communicate your sexual boundaries?\n\nThese are admittedly leading questions. Many survivors do not have a good reference point for their own sexual well-being and pleasure. And why should you? Childhood sexual abuse is not what you might call positive input about sex or your own sexuality. To begin this process of sexual recovery it is vital to know why you want to embark on this journey. What do you want to gain from healing sexually? How do you want your sex life to be different?\n\n> > It took me a long time to decide to heal sexually. I kept thinking, \"Why go through all of that? Sex, I can take it or leave it.\" But something kept tugging at me, like a part of me wanted to be whole again.\n> \n> Hannah\n"}
{"input": " Here is a possible prompt for the above section of the story:\n\nPrompt: Write a section for a nonfiction book called \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that discusses the motivations for sexual healing. Include the following points:\n\n* Explain why survivors might want to heal sexually and what they might gain from it.\n* Include a quote from a survivor named Kathy who talks about her initial motivations for healing and how they evolved.\n* Discuss the importance of having positive motivations for healing, rather than negative ones.\n* Provide examples of positive motivations for sexual healing.\n* Include a quote from a survivor named Sheila who talks about her experience of healing for the wrong reasons.\n* Emphasize that survivors do not need to have a sexual partner to engage in sexual healing and that the exercises in the book apply whether they are partnered or single.\n* Reiterate the potential benefits of sexual healing and the importance of reclaiming this aspect of oneself.\n\nNote: The above prompt is just a suggestion and can be modified to better suit the tone and style of the book.", "response": "\n\n##  Motivations for Healing\n\nSo why heal sexually, anyway? What do you want in your sex life that you do not have now? What would it be like to not find triggers around every corner? To fully experience sexual pleasure and expression? Ask yourself these questions.\n\n> > What motivated me initially is that I couldn't say \"no.\" I was having sex with people I did not want to have sex with, looking for attention and acknowledgment through sex. At first I just wanted and needed to stop doing this; then, slowly it began to dawn on me that I could actually have sex based on what I wanted and needed. That I could have sex that I liked.\n> \n> Kathy\n\nSome motivations for healing will sustain you through the process better than others. Deciding to heal because you think you are \"bad\" or \"dirty\" or believe something is \"wrong\" with you won't necessarily serve your cause. Most folks eventually tune out negative motivations \u2014or rebel against them. Developing a positive motivation is more sustaining and will give you a vision to work toward. If you are unable to think of positive motivations, ask a friend or support person to help you brainstorm at least three positive reasons to heal sexually. Many survivors want to heal to save their relationship or please their partner. Perhaps your partner wants to have sex but you don't. While sex is an important part of any intimate partnership, you need to develop motivations that are just for you. Pressure from a partner can make it difficult to tell whether you are really making a choice. Encouragement is wonderful, but you still have to want to do this work. You will not speed up the healing process by having sex that is forced, dissociated, or checked out.\n\n> Positive Motivations for Sexual Healing\n>\n>> \u2022 I want to gain a freedom in my body. I want to be able to move, make noise, and express myself fully.\n>\n>> \u2022 I want to heal the shame that runs my sex life so that I feel relaxed and excited during sex.\n>\n>> \u2022 I want to enjoy touching myself.\n>\n>> \u2022 I want my body back, all the way.\n>\n>> \u2022 I want pleasure and being present in my sex life to be the norm, instead of fear and checking out.\n>\n>> \u2022 I want to have sex in the ways I am interested in. I want to be more courageous sexually.\n>\n>> \u2022 I want to be able to respect and communicate my sexual boundaries.\n>\n>> \u2022 I want to learn that I am loved for me and not for sex alone.\n>\n>> \u2022 I want to be make my own sexual choices.\n>\n>> \u2022 I want to have sex and intimacy at the same time.\n\n> > I didn't want him to leave me. He had been so good through this whole mess, I just wanted to please him. The sex wasn't even good when I just did it for him, but at least I was giving him sex, I thought. I couldn't \"heal\" just to make him stay, though. It was only when I tuned into how my life could be different, how I might feel more positively about myself, that I made any progress in sex.\n> \n> Sheila\n\nLast, you do not need to have a sexual partner to be actively sexual. Nor does sexual healing have to wait for a lover. The concepts and exercises outlined in this book apply to you whether you are partnered or single. Many people do much of their sexual healing work on their own and then move into a relationship with new tools and knowledge.\n\nThe decision to heal sexually is a choice to reclaim an aspect of yourself that has been wounded and used. It is a choice to make whole again a very powerful and vital aspect of your being. This process can be extremely uncomfortable, yet it can give you amazing freedom, pleasure, and satisfaction. It can give you you back.\n"}
{"input": "  Here is a possible prompt for the above section of the story:\n\nPrompt: Write a section for a nonfiction book called \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that discusses the concept of safety and sexual healing for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Include the following points:\n\n* Explain why safety is an important concept for survivors of childhood sexual abuse, even if it may seem foreign or difficult to understand.\n* Include a quote from a survivor named Carla who expresses her difficulty in reconciling the idea of safety with sexual activity.\n* Discuss how the experience of childhood sexual abuse can undermine the development of a sense of safety in various aspects of a survivor's life, including their sexuality.\n* Include a quote from a survivor named Rona who describes her attempts to control her safety as a child.\n* Emphasize that children have no control over their safety during abuse, and that they were manipulated, coerced, threatened, and forced into it.\n* Explain why a sense of safety is necessary for survivors to engage in their sexual healing and take on new challenges.\n* Ask the reader how they know when they are safe.\n\nNote: The above prompt is just a suggestion and can be modified to better suit the tone and style of the book.", "response": "\n\n#  Safety and Sexual Healing\n\nSafety is an odd concept for most survivors of childhood sexual abuse. I'm usually met with raised eyebrows when I ask survivors about feeling safe and being sexual. Incest and childhood sexual abuse are frightening experiences that undermine the development of your sense of safety in yourself, your body, your relationships, your sexuality, and the world.\n\n> > When it comes to sex, I am terrified. People talk about safety, and I can't relate to that. Feeling safe and having sex seem to live in two separate worlds.\n> \n> Carla\n\nSafety is complicated for survivors. During the abuse your safety was out of your hands. If you could have done anything to make it stop, you would have. Really. The intelligent mistake you, like most survivors, probably made as a kid was thinking that you had some control over your safety. You didn't. Children are manipulated, coerced, threatened, and forced into sexual abuse, sometimes under the guise of love.\n\n> > I thought if I could just be good enough, smart enough, nice enough, perfect enough that I could keep me and my brother safe. It never worked. I never succeeded. I am not really sure what else to do to be safe.\n> \n> Rona\n\nWhat's tricky is that now you need to develop a sense of safety to move into your sexual healing. Without a sense of safety, you cannot engage your sexuality. You especially can't take on new challenges and growth if you don't feel safe. How do you know when you are safe?\n"}
{"input": " Here is a possible prompt for the above section of the story:\n\nPrompt: Write a section for a nonfiction book called \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that further explores the concept of safety and sexual healing for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Include the following points:\n\n* Explain that people often associate safety with a \"feeling\" of being safe, but that this is not always reliable, especially for trauma survivors.\n* Emphasize that while feeling safe is important, it does not necessarily provide a reliable indicator of whether or not a situation is safe.\n* Provide a list of questions that survivors can ask themselves to assess their safety in a given situation. These questions should cover various aspects of safety, such as physical safety, emotional safety, and autonomy.\n* Explain that answering these questions in a positive way does not necessarily mean that the survivor will feel comfortable or safe, as sexual healing can be a scary process.\n* Emphasize that survivors have the power to make their own choices and take care of themselves in safe situations.\n* Highlight the distinction between feeling safe and being empowered to make decisions about one's own well-being.\n\nNote: The above prompt is just a suggestion and can be modified to better suit the tone and style of the book.", "response": "\n\n##  What Is Safety?\n\nMost people think of safety as a \"feeling\" of being safe. While this is one way to judge safety, it is not always reliable. You can be in a very safe situation and feel unsafe because you are dealing with an aspect of your abuse. Or, because you are a trauma survivor, you may be in an unsafe situation and feel just fine. While feeling safe is important, it does not necessarily give you reliable ground upon which to determine if you are safe, or safe enough to proceed.\n\n  \n\n\nWHAT TELLS YOU THAT YOU ARE SAFE?\n\nWhen checking in on your safety in a given situation, consider the following:\n\n> \u2022 How do you feel in your body? Do you feel safe, scared, unsettled?\n\n> \u2022 Is your physical environment safe and free of violence and abuse? (No one is hitting, kicking, punching, or pushing you. No one is calling you names or threatening you or anyone you care about.)\n\n> \u2022 Does your partner, lover, or friend consider your needs, wants, and desires as important and relevant as his or her own?\n\n> \u2022 Can your partner, lover, or friend really meet your needs? Does he or she have the know-how, the tools, and the good intention?\n\n> \u2022 Do you have the power in this situation to act upon your own behalf? To take care of yourself fully?\n\n> \u2022 Are you making your own choices? Not being pressured, pushed, or manipulated?\n\nAsking yourself these questions gives you a way to assess whether or not you are safe\u2014even when you do not necessarily feel safe.\n\nBeing safe and feeling comfortable are not the same thing. You might be able to answer the above questions in a way that lets you know you are safe, but still find that you feel afraid and uncomfortable. Sexual healing does not always feel safe; in fact, it can feel downright scary.\n\nWhile you didn't have power as a child to act on your own behalf and take care of yourself, you do now. You get to decide whether or not a situation is safe for you and then decide what to do about it. When you are safe, you are able to make your own choices. You are empowered to take care of yourself.\n"}
{"input": " Prompt: Write a section for a nonfiction book called \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that focuses on building an internal sense of safety for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Include the following points:\n\n* Explain that safety is an \"inside job\" once external safety has been handled\n* Discuss the damage that sexual abuse can cause to a survivor's ability to relax and let down their guard\n* Include a quote from a survivor who still feels a sense of danger even in safe situations\n* Provide instructions for developing an internal sense of safety by focusing on bodily sensations\n* Suggest that survivors look for a place in their body where they feel peace, strength, or well-being, and describe the literal sensations associated with these feelings\n* Offer an alternative for those who cannot find a place of comfort in their body, suggesting that they focus on something outside of themselves that brings feelings of well-being\n* Encourage survivors to practice making these sensations smaller and bigger, and to notice them often in order to build an internalized sense of safety or resourcefulness\n* Emphasize that noticing these sensations does not make other feelings or triggers go away, but provides a safe place to approach them from\n\nNote: The above prompt is just a suggestion and can be modified to better suit the tone and style of the book.", "response": "\n\n##  Building a Sense of Internal Safety\n\nWhen you have had little sense of true safety in your life, how do you go about building some? Once your external safety has been handled, safety becomes an inside job. You can develop a sense of internal safety, a way of feeling in your body that lets you know you are okay and that everything is all right. This ability to relax or let down your guard is often what was so damaged through sexual abuse. Even when your relationships and the world you have built around you are safe, you may feel like you are never really safe. Most trauma survivors experience this feeling of low-level, insistent, persistent danger.\n\n> > Mentally I know that I am safe now. I mean, stuff happens in the world, I may  \n>  get shot or raped. But given that I am in a safe home and safe relationships and  \n>  have taken self-defense, my odds even of that are low. So why is it that I feel I  \n>  am always watching on some level? If I come off guard, I think that will be the  \n>  moment they have been waiting for to attack me. I'd rather get attacked when  \n>  I have my defenses up. I don't think I could bear trusting again and being  \n>  attacked when I am relaxed.  \n> \n> \n> Maggie\n\nTo build an internal sense of safety, let's look to your body. What sensations do you feel there? Notice temperature, pressure, and movement. Notice sensation all over your body, front and back, inside and out, top and bottom. Do you feel warmth in your legs? Cool feet? Tension in your stomach? Tingling inside your head? Are you feeling blocked or rigid in your chest?\n\nNow, look for a place in your body where you feel a sense of peace, strength, or well-being. Do you feel strength in the palms of your hands? A sense of well-being in your right hip? Where do you feel your body comfortably settling? A sense of openness or spaciousness? Look for the literal sensations. What are they?\n\nIf you are unable to find a place in your body where you experience comfort, find something you like outside of your body. Think of your favorite animal, a beautiful color, a person you love, a place in nature, or something you love to do, like singing, skiing, or surfing. Notice what happens in your body. Does a smile come across your face? A feeling of warmth spread across your chest or back? Maybe your hips relax and get warm. These sensations are the building blocks for your sense of internal well-being. You can call these your sensations of safety or pleasure, well-being, or resourcefulness. These are what we will use in building a strong internalized sense of safety.\n\nBring your attention back to these sensations again. Have they changed at all? Sensations in the body are alive and shifting all the time. Place your attention on your body and look openly at where you feel those resourceful sensations now. What are those sensations like? Are they moving?\n\nNow practice making those sensations smaller. Can you shrink them down? And bigger. Can you expand that warmth or spaciousness? What is it like to sit and breathe with these resourceful sensations for thirty seconds? Try this now. I will ask you throughout the book to call forth these sensations of safety. The more you notice them, the more apparent and present they will become. Noticing these sensations does not make other sensations, feelings of fear and anger, or triggers go away; rather, it gives you a safe place to approach them from. By accessing these sensations again and again, you can build an internalized sense of safety or resourcefulness to return to when facing challenging moments in your healing\u2014or even when you are having sex.\n"}
{"input": " Prompt: Write a section for a nonfiction book called \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that discusses the various factors that will affect a survivor's sexual healing process. Include the following points:\n\n* Explain that the healing process will be influenced by the specific abuse experienced, the perpetrators involved, and the quality of support available then and now\n* Discuss the role that misinformation or lack of information about sex plays in the healing process\n* Emphasize the impact of cultural, class, and religious backgrounds on a survivor's journey\n* Mention the influence of social bias and oppression\n* Encourage readers to expect a wide range of emotions during the healing process, such as terror, rage, grief, guilt, excitement, pleasure, and desire\n* Explain that issues and emotions thought to be dealt with in the past may resurface during the healing process\n* Address the importance of boundaries, consent, dissociation, and triggers in the work of sexual healing\n* Provide examples of survivors' experiences, including challenges and successes, to illustrate the various aspects of the healing process\n* Emphasize that the healing process will likely proceed at an uneven pace, with periods of intense focus and periods of rest\n* Note that a survivor's healing process may require attention to other aspects of their life at time", "response": "\n\n#  What's Down This Road, Anyway?\n\nYour sexual healing process will be affected by many factors, including the particular abuse you experienced, who the perpetrators were, and the quality of support available to you then and now. The information or misinformation you have received about sex will also come into play. Your cultural, class, and religious background will help frame the uniqueness of your journey. If you were raised Catholic, you will have a different set of issues to grapple with than someone raised in a non-religious household. Your experiences of social bias and oppression add to the mix.\n\n> > The pain and uncertainty of incest felt very much like the insecurities of being a person of color, a woman, and gay in this culture. The result is disempowerment. \n> \n> Lee\n\nExpect to experience a gamut of emotions. Terror, rage, grief, and guilt will have their turns alongside new types of excitement, pleasure, and desire. Issues and emotions that you thought you had dealt with long ago may arise. At times you may feel like you are going backward. Do not be discouraged. This is normal in the sexual healing process. Because you are now healing the very arena in which you were abused, issues of boundaries, consent, dissociation, and triggers are necessarily a part of the work.\n\n> > As I began to focus on being sexual and recovering this part of me, I found  \n>  myself dealing with being afraid of people again and not being able to sit still.  \n>  These seemed unrelated to my sexual healing at first, but they were just a new  \n>  layer of fears to work through in being more sexual.  \n> \n> \n> Jeanie\n>\n>> I have worked a lot on being able to stay present and not disappear, and I have made a lot of progress. The hardest part of sexual healing is dealing with how I shut down. Staying present during sex is a whole new thing.\n> \n> Terri\n\nYou can think of sexual healing as graduate-level recovery.\n\n> > Although I remembered my sexual abuse during sex, and remained sexually active throughout most of my process, I am seven years into my healing and just now getting into the real stuff of sex. I am now giving myself permission to really express myself sexually, learning to be in my body during sex, and getting a glimpse of what intimacy and sex combined could be like.\n> \n> Danielle\n\nYour healing process will most likely proceed at an uneven pace. You'll find there will be times of intense focus and times of rest. Sometimes you just have to attend to other aspects of your life. You'll develop a rhythm of moving into and then back out of the work of sexual healing.\n"}
{"input": " Prompt: Write a section for a nonfiction book called \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that discusses the challenging aspects of dealing with contradictions in the healing process. Include the following points:\n\n* Address the possibility that survivors may find aspects of the abuse to be physically pleasurable and emphasize that this does not make them bad, wrong, or to blame\n* Explain the importance of acknowledging and forgiving oneself for normal sexual and sensual responses during abuse\n* Provide examples of survivors' experiences, including challenges and successes, related to coming to terms with physical pleasure during abuse\n* Discuss instances where survivors may have engaged in nonconsensual sex play with other children or animals as a result of their own abuse\n* Emphasize the role of guilt and shame in these experiences and the importance of facing them as part of the healing and self-forgiveness process\n* Acknowledge that survivors may enjoy certain sexual acts now that were perpetrated on them as children and dislike others\n* Explain that survivors may experience simultaneous attraction and repulsion towards certain fantasies related to their abuse\n* Discuss the impact of abuse on a survivor's sexual desires, fantasies, and responses\n* Highlight the importance of returning choice and consent to a survivor's sex life and allowing oneself to discover what they enjoy sexually\n* Provide examples of survivors' experiences, including challenges and successes, related to reclaiming their sexual desires and addressing self-blame and guilt in the recovery proce", "response": "\n\n##  Hot Spots in Healing\n\nAlong the way, you may have to grapple with some difficult contradictions. You may find that there are aspects of the abuse that were physically pleasurable to you. You may have come to orgasm during the abuse, or you may have loved the attention you received. Your perpetrators may have deliberately turned you on. You are not bad, wrong, or to blame. Sexual and sensual response is normal and healthy. Your body and sexuality did not betray you; your perpetrators did.\n\n> > My orgasms have been very hard to come by. My abuser brought me to orgasm as part of his game. I have had to practice forgiving myself over and over again, just acknowledging that my body responded like any healthy body would.\n> \n> Shandell\n\nYou may have engaged in nonconsensual sex play with other children. Sometimes children who are being abused act out the abuse on other children or even pets. This may have been sexually arousing or erotic to you, and you may carry feelings of guilt and shame. Facing each of these experiences is part of the healing and self-forgiveness required to free yourself.\n\n> > My family would hang out with my younger cousins in the summer. The second year my dad was abusing me, I started touching my cousins. It's like I was trying to work out on them what was happening to me.\n> \n> Dede\n\nYou may enjoy some sexual acts now that were perpetrated on you as a child and dislike others. You may be simultaneously attracted to and repulsed by certain fantasies related to your abuse. Your sexual desires, fantasies, and sexual responses are affected by the abuses you suffered as well as other personal, family, and social influences in your life. One of the most important factors in sexual healing is returning choice and consent to your sex life. Allowing yourself to discover what you like and enjoy sexually, and mending the self-blame and guilt that so often permeate desire, are both parts of the process of recovery.\n\n> > I felt guilt for a long time about enjoying anal sex. I thought I was \"acting out\" the abuse because he raped me like that, and because it is unconventional, I think. Now I realize that I just like it. It feels good to me. I don't think I am acting out by liking kissing, and he did that, too.\n> \n> Marty\n"}
{"input": " Prompt: Write a section for a nonfiction book called \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that emphasizes the importance of support in the healing process for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Include the following points:\n\n* Explain that healing cannot be achieved alone and support is essential\n* Discuss the role isolation plays in childhood sexual abuse and the consequences it has for adult survivors\n* Emphasize that coming out of isolation involves forming relationships\n* Point out the challenges of seeking support in sexual healing, as it involves breaking a double taboo by discussing both childhood sexual abuse and sex\n* Acknowledge that most people, regardless of their history, have healing to do in the area of sexuality\n* Explain the relief that comes with discussing sex and sexual healing openly\n* Define support as consisting of both self-care and a community to be held by\n* Begin by discussing the importance of self-care in the healing proce", "response": "\n\n#  Somebody to Lean On: Self-Care and Support\n\nYou didn't get hurt alone, and you can't heal alone. Support is essential to any healing process. Isolation plays a key role in childhood sexual abuse. Most children never tell what is happening to them, and many who do tell are not believed or given adequate support. Adult survivors tend to continue to live in isolation. Coming out of isolation means coming into relationships. This, in and of itself, is a part of healing sexually.\n\nGaining support in your sexual healing breaks a double taboo. You will be talking not only about childhood sexual abuse but also about sex. While sex is overexposed in the media, we don't often sit down and tell each other the truth about our sex lives. Most people, survivors or not, have healing to do in the area of sexuality. The upside of this is that most people are relieved to talk about sex and sexual healing once someone else raises the topic. They, too, are glad to explore what is so often left unexamined.\n\nSupport includes both self-care and a community to be held by. Let's start with self-care.\n"}
{"input": " Prompt: Write a section for a nonfiction book called \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that focuses on the fundamentals of self-care in the process of healing sexually. Include the following points:\n\n* Explain the importance of self-care and its role in building a foundation for healing\n* Discuss the different aspects of self-care, such as physical, emotional, financial, spiritual, family, relationships, career, sexuality, and healing\n* Emphasize the importance of eating well, including two to three good meals a day with plenty of fruits, vegetables, and protein\n* Explain the benefits of drinking at least eight glasses of water a day and getting seven to ten hours of sleep per night\n* Encourage incorporating pleasure into one's life and practicing self-care activities at least once per week\n* Discuss the importance of movement for physical and emotional health, and encourage embodiment during these activities\n* Explain the importance of breathing properly, lower in the body, and noticing when one is holding their breath or breathing shallowly\n* Encourage treating oneself with dignity, handling oneself with care and respect\n* Emphasize the importance of acknowledging oneself for the steps taken in healing\n* Discuss the importance of solitude and making time for oneself weekly\n* Encourage incorporating spirituality or meditation into one's life for sustenance, discipline, and learning to notice emotional processes\n* Address the issue of addictions, such as alcohol, drugs, food, and self-deprivation, and urge seeking help for substance abuse problems\n* Provide examples of real-life experiences of survivors dealing with substance abuse related to sexual abuse and healing", "response": "\n\n##  Self-Care\n\nLearning to care for yourself well is a lifelong journey. Your needs will change over time, and you will get better at it with practice. There are many different aspects of yourself to take care of: your body, your emotional and mental well-being, your financial life, your spiritual life, your family and relationships, your mission or meaning in life, your career, your sexuality, and your healing.\n\nHere I am going to focus on the fundamentals of self-care. Attending to these fundamentals will give you a foundation to build upon during the challenging and exciting times of healing sexually.\n\n  \n\n\nEAT, DRINK, SLEEP, AND BE MERRY\n\nEating well can be a challenge for many survivors. Aim for two to three good meals a day, including plenty of fruits, vegetables, and protein. Drinking at least eight glasses of water a day will help your body flush out toxins that are released in the process of deep emotional work. Sleep regularly, seven to ten hours a night. And include pleasure in your life. What makes you smile or laugh? What brings that sense of warmth or comfort to your body? Perhaps you enjoy petting your cat, dancing, feeling the warmth of the sun, taking a luxurious hot bath\u2026 Do something pleasurable at least once per week. Notice your enjoyment.\n\n  \n\n\nLET YOUR BODY MOVE\n\nMovement, including walking, biking, aerobic workouts, dancing, or running, can have a profound effect on your physical and emotional health. Movement oxygenates your body and increases your circulation. This helps in the process of healing and in relaxing. Whatever movement you choose, practice being \"in\" your body while you do it. Use this as a time to feel your breath and body sensations, rather than a time for checking out. This will assist you in being more embodied during all your activities, especially sex.\n\n  \n\n\nBREATHE\n\nBreathing seems obvious, but it is not. Drop your breath lower in your body so that your diaphragm and chest move when you breathe. Notice when you are holding your breath, or breathing shallowly, and breathe deeply again.\n\n  \n\n\nTREAT YOURSELF WITH DIGNITY\n\nHow do you talk to yourself? Do you handle yourself with care and respect? Imagine how you would speak to a young child or a friend who is feeling afraid. You would not yell at her or tell her how stupid she is. Rather, you would be comforting, offering support and guidance. How you treat yourself internally is as important as what you do on the outside.\n\n  \n\n\nGIVE YOURSELF LOTS OF ACKNOWLEDGMENT\n\nNo one ever died from over-acknowledgment. Actively acknowledge yourself for your steps in healing. Notice all the risks you are taking, and give yourself support and kudos.\n\n  \n\n\nMAKE TIME FOR SOLITUDE\n\nSolitude is also important to self-care. Make time for yourself weekly. You can use the time to write in a journal, sit quietly, do art work, meditate, or whatever else serves your process.\n\n  \n\n\nINCORPORATE SPIRITUALITY IN YOUR LIFE\n\nMany people also incorporate a spiritual practice or meditation into their lives. A spiritual practice can offer sustenance and a larger perspective to rest within. Meditation can be an excellent way to touch base with yourself, develop discipline, and learn to notice your own emotional processes. It is also a good way to learn to notice what is happening in your body, and to feel centered and at peace with yourself.\n\n  \n\n\nDEAL WITH ADDICTIONS: ALCOHOL, DRUGS, FOOD, SELF-DEPRIVATION\n\nMany survivors have used food, alcohol, drugs, or self-deprivation as a means of coping with the sexual abuse. Many also use these substances to try to deal with sex. Some survivors cannot be sexual without getting high.\n\n> > I couldn't have sex unless I was drunk or high. I would feel too out of control and triggered. The alcohol and drugs numbed that all out and gave me a kind of confidence. I had a lot of sex that I wouldn't really want to have today, though.\n> \n> Lourdes\n>\n>> I used drugs and alcohol to cushion myself from my feelings about the abuse.  \n>  Alcohol helped me shut down. Alcohol helped me stay in sexually disappointing  \n>  relationships for such a long time.  \n> \n> \n> Max\n\nIf you have problems with substance abuse, get help. There are numerous recovery organizations to help you overcome addiction, including innovative programs like Recovery Systems Inc., a nutrition-based recovery program that attends to the effects of substance abuse and trauma on our physiology. Look in your local phone book for Twelve-Step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous and Overeaters Anonymous, as well as programs that employ numerous other approaches to recovery. See the Resources for more information.\n"}
{"input": " Prompt: Write a section for a nonfiction book called \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" focusing on the importance of community support in the healing process. Include the following points:\n\n* Define community support as those who offer love, care, information, guidance, and acceptance\n* Mention various sources of community support, such as friends, partners, co-workers, counselors, therapists, online buddies, self-help groups, supportive family members, and community groups\n* Explain the benefits of having a varied support system, including flexibility, availability, and backup\n* Provide suggestions for finding support, such as gaining referrals from national survivors' organizations, speaking with friends and co-workers, checking newspapers and newsletters, visiting internet chat rooms, and joining newsgroups or developing your own support group\n* Emphasize the importance of being clear with your support community about the focus of your healing and informing them about your journey and goals\n* Offer an example of a real-life experience of a survivor who benefited from community support in their healing proce", "response": "\n\n##  Community Support\n\nCommunity support includes all those who offer you love, care, information, guidance, and acceptance along the way. Community support may include friends, partners, co-workers, counselors and therapists, online buddies, self-help groups, supportive family members, and community groups. A varied support system offers more flexibility and availability\u2014and a backup if your best friend is not around.\n\nSupport can be found by gaining referrals in your area from national survivors' organizations, speaking with friends and co-workers, checking newspapers and newsletters, visiting Internet chat rooms and joining newsgroups, or developing your own support group. Get creative in developing support.\n\n> > I needed other women to talk to about my abuse and healing. I am a ritual abuse survivor, so this was especially terrifying, because of the stigma and because not a lot of people have very good information about it. After a lot of fear, I took a risk and started a ritual abuse peer support group. It is still scary, and it is exactly what I need.\n> \n> Rose\n\nBe clear with your support community about the focus of your healing. People can offer better support if they know what your journey and goals entail. Let your friends know that you are healing sexually now and what you may need from them. If you are uncertain at this time, you can inform them as you progress.\n"}
{"input": "  Prompt: Write a section for a nonfiction book called \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" focusing on the importance of sex-positive support in the healing process. Include the following points:\n\n* Share a real-life experience of a survivor who has faced challenges in finding support for their sexual exploration\n* Emphasize the need to search for positive input about sex and sexuality due to the negative and incomplete information available in society\n* Mention the benefits of sex-positive information, such as learning about human sexuality, diversity of sexual expression, human sexual anatomy, and sexual development\n* Explain that even trained therapists and physicians lack adequate sex education and may need sex-positive information as well\n* Discuss the challenges survivors may face, such as contradictions, guilt, and self-blame in their sexual healing journey\n* Stress the importance of having support that can handle a survivor's wildest fantasies alongside their worst pain from sexual abuse\n* Explain the potential damage of receiving negative judgments about a survivor's sexual exploration and the healing power of acceptance and encouragement\n* Encourage educating oneself and one's supporters with sex-positive sex information as a crucial step in the healing proce", "response": "\n\n##  Sex-Positive Support\n\n> > It has been challenging to find the community that can support me just as I am sexually. I found that my own exploration pushed a lot of people's buttons. I didn't want to be confined by my abuse or society's ideas of how I should be sexually. I think this was scary to people. People lacked information and education.\n> \n> Rebecca\n\nBecause most of information available about sex in our society is negative and incomplete, it is likely that you are going to need to search out positive input about sex and your sexuality and preferences. Everyone can benefit from sex-positive information about human sexuality, the diversity of sexual expression, human sexual anatomy, and sexual development. It is likely that your support people, including most trained therapists, will also need sex-positive information.\n\nThe average physician receives less than twelve hours of sex education during her or his entire medical training. The average therapist, unless specializing in sexual \"dysfunction,\" receives less than nine hours. By comparison, San Francisco Sex Information requires that potential hotline volunteers complete fifty-six hours of basic training in human sexuality. This is a thorough training and still barely begins to cover the information, experiences, and dynamics of human sexuality. For the most part, sex-positive information is not institutionalized but must be sought out.\n\nA sex-positive, nonjudgmental attitude will be your most valuable asset in sexual healing. Sex for survivors can be laden with contradictions, guilt, and self-blame. Because sex was used against you as an instrument of harm rather than of healing, it is important to learn about the positive and self-affirming expressions of sex. You need support for exploring your desires at the same time that you are discovering the contradictions in your sexuality. It helps to have friends, counselors, and other supporters who can handle your wildest fantasies right along with the worst pain of your sexual abuse. It can be very damaging to get negative judgments about your sexual exploring, and it can be profoundly healing to find encouragement and acceptance as you become more empowered sexually. \n\nEducating yourself and your supporters with sex-positive sex information can make all the difference.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for a nonfiction book called \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" focusing on selecting a therapist or counselor for sexual healing. Include the following points:\n\n* Emphasize that the survivor is in charge of their own healing process and has the right to decide what is best for them\n* Suggest interviewing potential therapists to find the right fit and provide a list of questions to ask during the interview\n* Questions should include inquiring about the therapist's training in human sexuality, their experience working with survivors of childhood sexual abuse, and their views on sex and sexual healing\n* Discuss the importance of the therapist's attitudes about different forms of sexuality, such as homosexuality, S/M, pornography, and nonmonogamy\n* Stress the need for the therapist to be familiar with the latest safer-sex guidelines and be open to learning new things\n* Encourage survivors to trust their instincts when choosing a therapist\n* Explicitly state that it is inappropriate for a therapist to have sexual contact with their client and provide steps for reporting such behavior", "response": "\n\n##  Selecting a Therapist or Counselor\n\nYou are the boss of your own healing. You say how it goes. Although therapists are a help along the way, you get to decide what is best for you. You also get to ask for what you want and need from your support people. Your needs are likely to change as you change, so update yourself and your therapist as you proceed.\n\n> Interviewing a Therapist\n> \n> Here are some questions to ask a therapist you are considering as support for sexual healing:\n>\n>> \u2022 How many hours of training in human sexuality have you had?\n>\n>> \u2022 What do you consider the most important factors in sexual healing?\n>\n>> \u2022 Are you experienced in working with survivors of childhood sexual abuse? How have clients benefited from working with you?\n>\n>> \u2022 What do you see as the positive aspects of sex and sexual healing?\n>\n>> \u2022 What forms of sexuality do you consider dysfunctional?\n>\n>> \u2022 Do you hold religious beliefs regarding sex?\n>\n>> \u2022 Can you support my sexual healing in nonjudgmental way?\n>\n>> \u2022 What are your boundaries with clients?\n>\n>> \u2022 Are you willing to educate yourself further regarding sex and a sex-positive approach to healing for survivors?\n>\n>> \u2022 Do you have experience working with lesbian and bisexual women?\n>\n>> \u2022 Do you have experience working with transgendered clients?\n>\n>> \u2022 How do you feel about S/M, role-playing, porn, and rape fantasies?\n>\n>> \u2022 How do you feel about sex work?\n>\n>> \u2022 How do you feel about nonmonogamy and casual sex?\n>\n>> \u2022 Add your own questions.\n\nA good therapist for this type of healing work is one who has the capacity to be with you in the midst of the exciting and the ugly, someone who has done enough work on herself or himself to be able to travel in unknown territories with you. Experience in working with survivors is essential. Get a good sense of the therapist's attitudes about sex. Are her or his attitudes regarding sex strictly conventional, or can he or she support you in discovering your own sexuality? Watch out for narrow attitudes regarding homosexuality, S/M, pornography, and stereotypes about women's sexual expression. Is your therapist familiar with the latest safer-sex guidelines? And is she willing to learn the things she may not know?\n\nMost important, what kind of feel do you get from this person? Do your instincts say \"Yeah!\" or \"Well\u2026maybe\u2026\" or even \"No\"? Listen to these instincts.\n\nWhile this may be obvious, I feel it is important to state that it is not appropriate for a therapist to have sex with his or her client. If you are invited into sexual contact with your therapist, end this therapeutic relationship and report the therapist to the police and the state licensing board.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for a nonfiction book called \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" focusing on somatics and its role in healing. Include the following points:\n\n* Define somatics as an educational and transformational approach that views the body, mind, and emotions as one interconnected system\n* Explain the Greek origin of the word \"soma\" and its meaning\n* Discuss the importance of viewing the body as an alive and intelligent presence, rather than something separate from the self\n* Describe how somatics can help in processing and completing trauma, restoring pleasure, balance, and present time\n* Explain the historical context of the mind/body split in Western cultures, citing the influence of Cartesian philosophy and Christian traditions\n* Mention the shift in perspectives in the last fifty years, with more exposure to indigenous and Eastern perspectives and the influence of feminist theory and literature\n* Provide an example of how changing the body or releasing trauma held in the body can lead to shifts in thinking, experience of the world, and identity", "response": "\n\n#  Somatics: Including Your Body in Healing\n\nMy work is in somatics, an educational and transformational approach that assumes that the body, mind, and emotions are one interconnected biological system. You are not separate from your body; rather, your self is revealed in and through your body all the time. Soma is the Greek word for the living body, or thought, spirit, and body as one.\n\nMany possibilities come from looking at the body this way. Instead of seeing the body as a carcass that we carry around, the body becomes an alive and intelligent presence. The body is not something to get away from but a source of wholeness to be returned to and embodied fully. In working with and through the body, trauma can be processed and completed, and pleasure, balance, and present time can be restored. In somatics the body becomes an inherent and essential part of the change and healing process.\n\nIn Western cultures we have inherited a worldview that sees our minds, emotions, and bodies as separate entities. This comes out of Western Cartesian philosophical views and Christian traditions that have considered thinking or mental functioning paramount. \"Mind over matter,\" as the saying goes. Some religious beliefs even see the body as essentially sinful, something to be either ignored or controlled. These perspectives have begun to shift in the last fifty years in the West, with more exposure to indigenous and Eastern perspectives. Feminist theory and literature has critiqued this mind/body split and has encouraged a return to the knowledge and life of the body. Starting with Willhelm Reich, Western philosophers and practitioners have also begun to reintegrate the body and mind.\n\nSomatics recognizes an intelligence and life in the body that affects your thinking and your actions. If you change your body, or the \"holding\" or trauma in your body, then your thinking, your experience of the world, and often your identity will also shift.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for a nonfiction book called \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" focusing on the importance of a somatic approach to healing from childhood sexual abuse. Include the following points:\n\n* Explain why including the body in the healing process is essential, as childhood sexual abuse literally touches the body\n* Discuss dissociation and how many survivors are \"checked out\" from their bodies due to past trauma\n* Emphasize the importance of re-embodying and building tolerance for being in one's body and experiencing physical pleasure\n* Discuss the role of boundaries and consent in an embodied experience\n* Critique traditional psychoanalysis for its focus on mental processes and explain how it may fall short in transforming the deep impact of sexual trauma\n* Share examples of clients who understand their desires intellectually but struggle to embody them\n* Discuss the concept of the body's emotional and spiritual immune system or intelligence that orients towards health and balance\n* Encourage including a body-based or somatic component in healing and mention various somatic schools and modalities\n* Mention other embodiment practices such as dancing, martial arts, and body-focused meditation", "response": "\n\n##  Why a Somatic Approach to Healing Sexually After Childhood Sexual Abuse?\n\nChildhood sexual abuse literally touches your body. To leave your body out of the healing process can leave out what is potentially your surest path to well-being. Many survivors of childhood sexual abuse are dissociated or \"checked out\" from their bodies. Your body was a dangerous place as a child. Leaving your body then, or dissociating, was an intelligent move. The memories or experiences of the trauma are often still present or \"held\" in your body today. Many survivors stay out of their bodies and senses long after the danger has passed to avoid revisiting those stored experiences.\n\nYet, your body is also you. It is the place in which you live and are alive. You connect and are in relationship with others from your body. You act in the world from your body. Your body is where the healing from trauma and abuse happens. Your body is also where you experience sensual and sexual pleasure. To experience all of these pleasures, however, you must be in your body, or \"embodied.\"\n\nAttending to the process of re-embodying is essential to sexual healing. I know it sounds strange, but building your tolerance for being in your body and experiencing physical pleasure is a central component of this healing. This is an intentional practice, especially in the beginning. After childhood sexual abuse, pleasure may be unfamiliar or uncomfortable to you.\n\n> > I was surprised the first time I could stay present and embodied while my lover went down on me. It was like \"Oh, this feels good. That's why people do this.\"\n> \n> Carolyn\n\nKnowing your boundaries and having the ability to consent is also an embodied experience. If you are dissociated during sex, it is very difficult to know if you want to stop or go further or what sexual activities you want to consent to or invite.\n\nTraditional psychoanalysis tends to focus on the mental processes, assuming the body will come along for the ride. This type of therapy has its place and can be useful for many, yet it can fall short of truly transforming the deep impact of sexual trauma. Most people have the experience of thinking one thing and doing another, even when they do not mean to. \"Getting it\" mentally does not necessarily translate into new ways of being or different actions. There can be an incoherence between your thinking and your body, because understanding something is different from embodying it.\n\n> > I know what I want sexually. I've read the books and have lots of ideas, but still when I get there my body freezes. It's like I can't keep track of what year it is and that I'm not a kid at home in my bed anymore.\n> \n> Naomi\n\nWhat I see in my work with survivors is that when they embody, when they return to life in their body and their sensations, a type of self-generated healing begins to happen. It is as if the body has not only a physical immune system but also an emotional and spiritual immune system or intelligence that orients towards health and balance. When you are dissociated from or ignore the body, this immune system does not function well. When the body is included, when the focus is on embodiment, the signs, signals, and functioning of this balancing system come into full swing. I have come to see the body, mind, and emotions as self-healing organisms when given the right conditions. Embodiment is one of these conditions.\n\nI encourage including a body-based or somatic component to one's healing. I have found it one of the most efficient ways to process the abuse and release triggers. As you transform on the somatic level, the trauma is literally shifted and released, and you are able to live in present time, instead of being trapped in history, rage or depression. Somatics can help align your thinking, experience, and actions, bringing a sense of internal congruence.\n\nThere are a variety of somatic schools and modalities, including Rancho Strozzi Institute, Lomi School, Rosen Method Bodywork, Rubenfeld Synergy, Hakomi, Somatic Experiencing, Continuum, and the Tamalpa Institute. Further information can be found in the Resources at the end of this book. Other options for embodiment practices include dancing, martial arts, and body-focused meditation. Any practice that brings you regularly into your body and the sensations, feelings, and life of your body is useful.\n"}
{"input": "  Write a section for a nonfiction book called \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" focusing on practicing safer sex. Include the following points:\n\n* Explain why a discussion on safer sex is essential in a sexual healing book\n* Define safer sex as the practice of using barriers or limiting sexual activities to prevent the passage of bodily fluids from one person to another\n* Mention the purpose of safer-sex techniques is to prevent sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)\n* List some examples of STDs that can be prevented through safer-sex practices such as herpes, genital warts, HIV, chlamydia, etc.\n* Mention that the use of condoms is also an effective method in preventing pregnancy", "response": "\n\n#  Safer Sex\n\nNo chapter on safety in a sexual healing book would be complete without a discussion of safer sex. Safer sex is the practice of using barriers or limiting sexual activities to prevent the passage of bodily fluids from one person to another. Safer-sex techniques are used to prevent sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) including herpes, genital warts, HIV, chlamydia, and many others. The use of condoms is also effective in preventing pregnancy.\n"}
{"input": "   Write a section for the chapter on safer sex in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" focusing on the use of barriers. Include the following points:\n\n* Discuss the various types of safer-sex barriers, such as condoms, latex gloves, dental dams, and female condoms\n* Mention that most barriers are made of latex, but there are alternatives for people with latex allergies, such as polyurethane and nitrile\n* Explain why lambskin condoms are not recommended for safer sex as they do not prevent HIV transmission\n* Suggest the use of plastic food wrap as a cheap, readily available, and easy-to-use alternative to dental dams for cunnilingus and analingus\n\nNote: The last point about plastic food wrap is not medically accurate and should not be taken as advice. It is included here only as a response to the user's request for a prompt that would generate the given text. It is essential to use proper barriers for safer sex, and plastic food wrap is not a suitable substitute.", "response": "\n\n##  Use a Barrier\n\nMost safer-sex barriers, such as condoms, latex gloves, dental dams, and female condoms, are made of latex, although there are others made from polyurethane and nitrile for folks who are allergic to latex. Lambskin condoms do not prevent HIV transmission, since the virus is small enough to pass through the membrane, and are not recommended for safer sex. For many, plastic food wrap is the barrier of choice for cunnilingus and analingus, as it is cheap, readily available, and easier to use than dental dams.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the chapter on safer sex in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex,\" focusing on the importance of lubricants when using barriers. Include the following points:\n\n* Encourage the use of water-based lubricants with latex and other barriers\n* Explain how water-based lubricants make the experience more enjoyable by improving glide and increasing sensitivity\n* Provide specific instructions on how and where to apply lubricant when using condoms, dental dams, plastic wrap, and latex gloves\n* Warn against using oil-based lubricants, such as Crisco and Vaseline, with latex products as they can weaken the material\n* Emphasize the importance of using latex in preventing STDs and recommend using only water-based lubricant", "response": "\n\n##  Don't Forget the Lubricant\n\nUse a water-based lubricant with latex and other barriers\u2014it will make the whole experience a lot more enjoyable. Water-based lubricant helps tremendously with the glide factor and increases sensitivity. Put some lubricant in the tip of the condom for the wearer and on the outside for more glide. Use lubricant on the receiver's side of the dental dam or plastic wrap during oral sex, and on the outside of the latex glove for a smoother touch.\n\nLubricants containing oil can weaken latex. Thus Crisco, Vaseline, and other oil-based lubricants are not recommended for use with condoms or any other latex product. Since I encourage the use of latex in preventing STDs, I recommend using only water-based lubricants.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the chapter on safer sex in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex,\" focusing on the importance of assessing one's own risk factors. Include the following points:\n\n* Define what risk factors are when discussing safer sex\n* Explain that one needs to consider their own risk factors, those of their partners, and of the sexual acts they engage in\n* Provide a list of personal risk factors to consider, including:\n    - the number of sexual partners with whom one has had unprotected sex\n    - the number of partners those sexual partners may have had sex with\n    - the risk level of one's sexual activities\n    - one's intravenous drug history\n    - one's partners' intravenous drug history\n    - and if one currently has any STDs\n* Discuss how having multiple sexual partners increases one's risk level\n* Explain that enjoying high risk sexual practices can also increase one's risk\n* Address the importance of safer sex for those with STDs or immune-deficiency disorders\n* Emphasize that one should not assume their partner is monogamous and should have a conversation about safer sex and their partner's sex and drug-use history\n* Suggest that partners get tested for HIV and other STDs before having sex together\n* Remind the reader that HIV may not show up on tests for several months after exposure\n* Recommend getting tested for HIV once every six month", "response": "\n\n##  Assess Your Risk\n\nA lot of people speak of \"risk factors\" when discussing safer sex. To assess risk, you need to consider your own risk factors, those of your partners, and of the particular sexual acts you engage in. You can then choose what risks you feel are worth taking.\n\nTo assess your own risk, consider:\n\n> \u2022 the number of partners with whom you have had unprotected sex\n\n> \u2022 the number of partners they may have had sex with\n\n> \u2022 the risk level of your sexual activities\n\n> \u2022 your intravenous drug history\n\n> \u2022 your partners' intravenous drug history\n\n> \u2022 and if you currently have any STDs.\n\n  \n\n\nILLUSTRATION 1. Safer-Sex Gear\n\nThe more partners with whom you have had unprotected sex, the greater your risk level. If you have used intravenous drugs, this also increases your risk. Of course, if you enjoy high risk sexual practices (for instance, unprotected anal intercourse), you should consider yourself at higher risk.\n\nIf you have any STDs or immune-deficiency disorders, you are at higher risk and may want err on the side of caution in your sexual practices to keep yourself well. Even if you are HIV-positive, you need to practice safer sex. First, having one strand of the HIV virus does not make you resistant to others. Second, exposure to other STDs can damage an already-compromised immune system.\n\nWhen assessing your risk factors, remember that there is no guarantee that your partner is monogamous. Given the lack of permission to speak openly about having multiple sexual partners, many people will lie about it. Some people regularly have sex outside of a primary relationship without ever telling anyone. Your health is in your hands. While I am not asking you to be skeptical, I am encouraging you to be aware that you may not know all of your partner's sex history or current sexual practices. Have a conversation with your partner about safer sex and his or her sex and drug-use history. The best bet is to ask your partner to get tested for HIV and other STDs before you have sex together. Remember that HIV will probably not show up on tests for several months after exposure. A good practice is to get tested for HIV once every six months.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the chapter on safer sex in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex,\" focusing on the different levels of risk associated with various sexual practices. Include the following points:\n\n* Explain that semen and blood carry the highest concentration of the HIV virus\n* Discuss how HIV can enter the bloodstream through small lacerations in the mouth, anus or vaginal tissues, or abrasions on the skin\n* Emphasize that HIV can be present in pre-cum and menstrual blood\n* Discuss how other STDs, like herpes, can be transmitted through contact with open sores\n* Explain that some STDs, like HPV, are often symptom-free and that herpes can be transmitted just prior to an outbreak\n* Provide a list of high risk sexual activities, including:\n    - unprotected cunnilingus during menstruation\n    - unprotected anal intercourse and rimming\n    - unprotected vagina/penis intercourse\n* Provide a list of medium risk behaviors, including:\n    - unprotected cunnilingus when a woman is not bleeding\n    - unprotected fellatio\n    - finger-fucking or fisting without a glove\n* Provide a list of low risk behaviors, including:\n    - French kissing (wet kissing)\n    - hand jobs\n    - protected penetration\n    - protected oral sex\n* Provide a list of risk-free behaviors, including:\n    - tribadism (dry humping)\n    - fantasy\n    - masturbation (only touching yourself)\n    - voyeurism and exhibitionism (watching or being watched)\n    - phone sex and computer sex\n* Remind the reader to use condoms on dildos, vibrators, and sex toys\n* Emphasize that toys should not be shared without changing the condom or cleaning them with an anti-bacterial cleanser\n* Explain that any toy used for anal play requires a fresh condom before being used for vaginal play", "response": "\n\n##  Play Safe\n\nSome sexual practices are riskier than others. Semen and blood carry the highest concentration of the HIV virus, which can enter your bloodstream via small lacerations in the mouth, anus or vaginal tissues, or abrasions on the skin. Don't forget that HIV can be present in pre-cum and menstrual blood.\n\nOther STDs, like herpes, can be transmitted through contact with open sores. However, just because you don't see an open sore on your partner's genitals does not mean you are free from risk. Some STDs, like HPV, are often symptom-free. And herpes can be transmitted just prior to an outbreak. (HPV, the virus that causes genital warts, has also been linked to cervical cancer.)\n\nHigh risk sexual activities include unprotected cunnilingus during menstruation (going down on a women during her period), unprotected anal intercourse and rimming (mouth-to-anus sex), and unprotected vagina/penis intercourse.\n\nVaginal fluids carry a lower concentration of HIV. So medium-risk behaviors include unprotected cunnilingus when a woman is not bleeding, unprotected fellatio (giving head), and finger-fucking or fisting without a glove.\n\nLow-risk behaviors include French kissing (wet kissing), hand jobs, protected penetration, and protected oral sex.\n\nSexual behaviors that are risk-free include tribadism (dry humping), fantasy, masturbation (only touching yourself), voyeurism and exhibitionism (watching or being watched). Phone sex and computer sex are also sexual activities free of the risk of STDs.\n\nUse condoms on dildos, vibrators, and sex toys. Do not share your toys without changing the condom or cleaning them with an anti-bacterial cleanser. Remember that any toy you've used for anal play requires a fresh condom before you use it for vaginal play.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" about the importance of regular pelvic exams for survivors of sexual abuse. Include the following points:\n\n* Emphasize the importance of regular pelvic exams for reproductive and sexual health\n* Acknowledge the challenges survivors may face in getting pelvic exams\n* Encourage the reader to bring a supportive friend to their appointments\n* Advise the reader to advocate for themselves until they find a gynecologist who will listen to their needs\n* Remind the reader that their long-term health, including the prevention or early detection of cancer, depends upon them taking care of themselves in this way\n* Suggest that the reader begin by getting tested for HIV and other STDs\n* Provide information on finding free, confidential testing in most cities through hospitals and STD clinics\n* Advise the reader to check their local yellow pages and newspapers for testing locations\n* Encourage the reader to ask their gynecologist to test them for STDs like herpes and chlamydia.", "response": "\n\n##  Check Yourself Out\n\nGet a regular pelvic exam to care for your reproductive and sexual health. I know this is challenging for many survivors, but it is a must do, and a challenge worth taking on. Take a supportive friend with you. Advocate for yourself until you find a gynecologist who will listen to your needs. Your long-term health, including the prevention or early detection of cancer, depends upon you taking care of yourself in this way.\n\nYou can begin by getting tested for HIV and other STDs. You can find free, confidential testing in most cities though hospitals and STD clinics. Check your yellow pages and local newspapers. Ask your gynecologist to test you for STDs like herpes and chlamydia.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" about how to get comfortable with using barriers, such as condoms, female condoms, gloves, or dental dams. Include the following points:\n\n* Acknowledge that many people are uncomfortable with using barriers at first\n* Encourage the reader to buy a variety of barriers and bring them home to play with\n* Advise the reader to open the packages and check out how the barriers feel, smell, and taste\n* Suggest becoming familiar with the barriers to lose inhibitions\n* Remind the reader that practicing at home is often easier than practicing on a date\n* Encourage the reader to eroticize latex and other safer-sex barriers\n* Suggest including safer sex in fantasies\n* Ask the reader to think of creative ways to make latex sexy.", "response": "\n\n##  Make It Sexy\n\nMany people are uncomfortable with using barriers at first. The best way to get comfortable with barriers is to go out and buy a bunch. Bring them home and play with them. Open the packages of condoms, female condoms, gloves, or dental dams and check them out. How do they feel, smell, taste? Become familiar with them\u2014you'll lose your inhibitions. Practicing at home is often easier than practicing on your date! You can also eroticize latex and other safer-sex barriers. Soon the sound of your partner snapping on a latex glove will evoke memories of a very good time! Try including safer sex in your fantasies. How many ways can you find to make latex sexy?\n"}
{"input": "  Write a section for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" titled \"Getting Started\" that introduces the exercises at the end of each chapter. Include the following points:\n\n* Welcome the reader to their continuing journey\n* Explain that the exercises at the end of each chapter are designed to help the reader personalize and make use of the information in each chapter\n* Encourage the reader to share their process and discoveries with at least one other person\n* Suggest sharing responses to the exercises or doing them together\n* Include a quote from a survivor about how the healing process has improved their sex life.", "response": "\n\n#  Getting Started\n\nWelcome to your continuing journey! The Sex Guide Exercises at the end of each chapter are designed to help you personalize and make use of the information in each chapter. They will help walk you through your process of sexual healing. I encourage you to share your process and discoveries with at least one other person. You can share your responses to the exercises or do them together.\n\n> > I think survivors who have done their healing have some of the best sex lives  \n>  around. We have to look at, and deal with, heal, and redefine sex for ourselves.  \n>  We do all this healing work that most people really need to do, survivors or  \n>  not.  \n> \n> \n> Stephanie\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" titled \"Sex Guide Exercises\" that includes the following reflection questions and activities for readers:\n\n* Reflect on \"Why heal sexually?\" and write about what they want to gain from it, how their life will be different and more satisfying, and how they will know when they've achieved their goals\n* Explore the difference between safety and comfort and give examples of experiences in which they were safe yet uncomfortable\n* Practice building an internal sense of safety by identifying sensations and feelings that give them a sense of safety, settledness, or resourcefulness\n* Examine their current support system for sexual healing, including self-care and community support, and reflect on what additional support they need\n* Explore their own attitudes and biases regarding sex, including making a list of what they think is healthy and not healthy regarding consensual sex and discussing their list with a friend\n* Consider the sources of their beliefs about sex and whether there is more to learn about anything on their list of \"not healthy\" sexual activities.", "response": "\n\n#  Sex Guide Exercises\n\nReflect on the following questions. Write about them in your journal and have a conversation about them with a support person.\n\n> 1\\. Why heal sexually? What do you want to gain from it? How will your life be different and more satisfying? How will you know when you've gotten what you want?\n\n> 2\\. What is safety to you? What is the difference between safety and comfort? What are examples of experiences in which you were safe yet uncomfortable?\n\n> 3\\. Practice building an internal sense of safety. What sensations and feelings in your body give you a sense of safety, settledness, or resourcefulness? Where do you feel that now?\n\n> 4\\. What support do you have now to assist you in your sexual healing? a. Self-care: journal writing, positive self-talk, ability to feel your emotions, eating well and exercising, somatic practices, spiritual practice. b. Community support: peer support group, therapist, friends you can talk to about sex and recovery.\n\n> 5\\. What do you need to support your sexual healing? What actions can you take to build this network of support? Think big. Go beyond the bare minimum requirements for survival. Imagine having all the support you possibly could use. What would that be?\n\n> 6\\. Take a look at your own attitudes and biases regarding sex. Make a list of what you think is healthy and not healthy regarding consensual sex. Discuss your list with a friend. Be sure to include issues of sexual orientation, what you consider appropriate sexual expression for women, fantasy, monogamy and nonmonogamy, abstinence, anal sex, religious beliefs, bondage, sadomasochism (S/M), cross-dressing, etc. This is an opportunity to explore your own beliefs about sex and sexual expression.\n\nWhere do these ideas about sex come from? Where did you learn what you believe? Is there more for you to learn about anything on your list? Do you know anyone who practices any of the consensual activities that you listed as \"not healthy\"? This is an opportunity to explore and learn more about your own beliefs and values, those you want to keep and those you may want to change.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" titled \"Discovering Your Pleasure and Desire\" that includes the following information and reflections for readers:\n\n* Explain how allowing oneself to experience pleasure and desire might not come naturally to survivors of childhood sexual abuse, as they have not had the opportunity to learn about their own desires in a safe and healthy way.\n* Share a reflection from a survivor, Cindy, about her fear of desiring and how she just takes what comes to her in sex without considering her own wants and needs.\n* Address common beliefs among survivors, such as feeling that they are not allowed to have sexual pleasure, that liking sex as an adult means they must have liked it as a child, and that this makes the abuse their fault.\n* Include data on how many survivors experience depression as a symptom of sexual abuse and how antidepressants can affect libido, referencing a survivor, Kathy, who shares her experience of learning about her sexuality while on antidepressants and how she became more sensual and sexual with herself during that time.\n* Offer advice for survivors who are taking antidepressants or considering it, such as talking to their practitioner about possible effects on libido and exploring options for increasing libido, such as testosterone patches.\n* Address the potential for feelings of guilt and confusion around desires that may mimic the abuse survivors endured, offering reassurance that there is a difference between childhood sexual abuse and adult consensual sex.\n* Encourage survivors to learn to differentiate sex from abuse and to explore their own desire from the inside out, educating themselves about the different options for expressing their sexuality.", "response": "\n\n#  Discovering Your Pleasure and Desire\n\nAllowing yourself your own desire might not come naturally to you if you were sexually abused as a kid. Incest and childhood sexual abuse give you lots of practice in suffering, checking out, and enduring, and not a lot of experience of pleasure. You may have to learn to tolerate the feelings of pleasure and desire all over again.\n\nThrough sexual abuse, you learned to satisfy someone else's desires without your own boundaries, needs, or wants even entering the picture. You did not get the chance to experience the evolution of your own sexual desires, in your own time, based on your own needs. How, then, can you be familiar with your own desires now?\n\n> > I am afraid to desire. I just take what comes and deal with that. That is what  \n>  I do with sex, I realize, too. Whatever he wants\u2026well, that's okay. It is too  \n>  scary to think about what I want.  \n> \n> \n> Cindy\n\nFor some survivors, having any sexual desire is the first challenge. Your experiences may have convinced you that you are not allowed to have sexual pleasure or be happy and excited about your sex life. You may be convinced that liking sex as an adult means you must have liked it as a kid, too. If you liked it then, it wasn't really abuse, and this whole thing must be your fault, right?\n\n> > I am just not turned on. I don't feel sexual desire.\n> \n> Carla\n\nJust so you know, this isn't true. Enjoying sexual pleasure does not make you bad and does not make the abuse your fault. Your sexual feelings are a testimony to your ability to hold onto yourself through extremely adverse conditions\u2014and proof of your healing.\n\n> A Depressed Libido\n> \n> Many survivors experience depression as a symptom of sexual abuse. Some seek out antidepressants and other medication to help along the way. Most antidepressants decrease your sex drive. Many survivors taking antidepressants report little interest in sex, and an increased libido when they go off of the medication.\n>\n>> Anti-depressants did affect my libido.  \n>  I wasn't as interested. I used it as a  \n>  time, though, to learn about my  \n>  sexuality, not being so intent on  \n>  coming. I read sex information  \n>  books, I touched and massaged my  \n>  body, I became more sensual and  \n>  really more sexual with myself.  \n> \n> \n> Kathy\n> \n> If you are taking antidepressants or considering it, talk with your practitioner about their possible effect on your libido. You can try various types of anti-depressants to see which gives you the best results. For survivors who choose to stay on antidepressants long term, you can get a testosterone patch from your doctor, which tends to increase libido. Talk to your prescribing physician about your options and the side effects of both antidepressants and testosterone patches.\n\nComponents of your desire may scare you because they mimic the abuse you endured. You may find the dynamics of power and surrender to be a turn-on. Nothing is wrong with this. The difference between childhood sexual abuse and adult consensual sex is that in adult sex, both partners are matured sexually and have the ability to make choices for themselves. In consensual sex, you are not being coerced, manipulated, or misused. Both partners' needs, boundaries, and desires are considered.\n\n> > I was orally raped as a girl. I really  \n>  like oral sex today, but I feel guilty.  \n>  Don't I just like this because I was  \n>  abused this way?\u2026I was abused  \n>  almost every way you can have  \n>  sex\u2026so I guess that doesn't leave  \n>  me many options.  \n> \n> \n> Dede\n\nThose of us who have been sexually abused may mistake sexual energy for abuse itself. Part of your job in healing will be to learn to differentiate sex from abuse. Just like money, sexual energy can be used for beneficial or destructive ends.\n\nLuckily, finding and exploring your own desire is a learnable process, one that many people embrace as a lifelong commitment to themselves. First, come into your body, your feelings and sensations to find desire from the inside out. Then, educate yourself. What are all the different options for expressing my sexuality? What do people do, anyway?\n"}
{"input": "  Write a section for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" titled \"Desire Is in Your Body\" that includes the following information and guidance for readers:\n\n* Emphasize that true desires come from feelings and sensations within the body.\n* Explain how, in the process of avoiding pain and betrayal, survivors may also miss out on feelings of excitement, desire, and pleasure.\n* Encourage readers to come back into their bodies and reoccupy themselves from the inside out as the essential step in discovering their sexual desires.\n* Remind readers that they are their bodies, and their thoughts, sensations, feelings, emotions, and even spiritual longings take place within their bodies.\n* Provide an exercise for readers to practice paying attention to physical feelings and sensations, such as feeling their legs, feet on the ground, and sensations in their chest or stomach.\n* Encourage readers to bring their attention into their bodies and notice where they feel sexual pleasure or arousal the next time they experience it.", "response": "\n\n#  Desire Is in Your Body\n\nYour true desires reside in your body as feelings and sensations. Your sensations let you know that you are excited by someone, something, or an idea. When you shut down to avoid feelings of pain and betrayal, you also miss feelings of excitement, desire, and pleasure. Coming back into your body, reoccupying yourself from the inside out, is the most essential step in discovering your sexual desires. You are your body. Your thoughts take place in your body, along with your sensations, feelings, emotions, and even your spiritual longings and inspiration. Practice paying attention to physical feelings and sensations.\n\nLet's say you are at work, sitting at your desk or standing behind the counter. Can you feel your legs? Your feet on the ground? What are the sensations you notice in your chest or stomach? Try this now. The next time you are feeling sexual pleasure or arousal, bring your attention into your body. Notice where in your body you feel sexual.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" titled \"The Pelvic Rock\" that includes the following instructions and guidance for readers:\n\n* Encourage readers to lie on their backs with their feet on the floor, knees bent, and place a mat or folded blanket underneath them for comfort.\n* Instruct readers to let their bodies settle onto the floor and bring their attention into their body, focusing on the sensations in their bodies.\n* Advise readers to drop their breath into their belly and breathe deeply for at least three breaths before starting the pelvic rock exercise.\n* Explain the pelvic rock exercise, which involves slowly rocking the pelvis forward and back, bringing the pubic bone toward the belly button and then rocking it back toward the ground.\n* Encourage readers to continue the pelvic rock exercise for at least three minutes, focusing on staying in their bodies and feeling their sensations.\n* Address the various responses readers may have to the exercise, including sexual arousal, floating out, or thinking about something else.\n* Encourage readers to notice their thoughts but not let them draw their attention away from their feelings and the sensations in their bodies.\n* Explain how readers' emotional responses to this exercise can provide information about what in them needs to heal, and it is okay to cry or get angry during the exercise.\n* Instruct readers to match their breathing to the pelvic movement, inhaling as they arch their back and exhaling as they bring their pelvis toward their belly button.\n* Encourage readers to try increasing the speed of the rocking and practice getting to a point where they feel slightly uncomfortable, then stay with that feeling.\n* Explain how this exercise will help readers increase their tolerance for their own sexual energy, get in touch with their own desire, and free up their pelvis and genitals, allowing movement and sensation back into this part of their bodies.", "response": "\n\n##  The Pelvic Rock\n\nLie on your back with your feet on the floor, knees bent. Place a mat or folded blanket underneath you so that you are comfortable. Let your body settle onto the floor and bring your attention into your body. Notice the sensations in your body. Drop your breath into your belly. Breathe deeply. Do this for at least three breaths before you start the rock.\n\nNext, begin to slowly rock your pelvis forward and back. Bring your pubic bone toward your belly button, then rock it back toward the ground. Your lower back will press into the floor and then arch away from the floor. This looks like and might feel like a sexual motion. Slowly continue to rock your pelvis back and forth, focusing on staying in your body, feeling your sensations. Do this for at least three minutes.\n\nYou will probably have all kinds of responses to this. You might feel sexually aroused. Great! You might notice that you float out or start thinking about something else. Notice your thoughts, but don't let them draw your attention away from your feelings and the sensations in your body. Your emotional response to this exercise will give you information about what in you needs to heal. You may cry or get angry. Let that come, too.\n\nNow match your breathing to the pelvic movement. Inhale as you arch your back and exhale as you bring your pelvis toward your belly button. You can try increasing the speed of the rocking. How does this change your response? Practice getting to a point where you feel slightly uncomfortable, and then stay with that feeling. This exercise will help you increase your tolerance for your own sexual energy and help you get in touch with your own desire. You will also free up your pelvis and genitals, allowing movement and sensation back into this part of you.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" titled \"Genital Healing\" that includes the following instructions and guidance for readers:\n\n* Encourage readers to lie comfortably on their backs, with their knees up and feet on the floor, and settle onto the ground and into their bodies and sensations.\n* Instruct readers to breathe into their bellies, deepening their breath, and keep their attention on the feelings and sensations in their bodies.\n* Advise readers to rub their hands together to bring some heat and energy into them.\n* Instruct readers to place one hand gently onto their genitals and let the warmth of their hand radiate into their genitals and pelvis.\n* Encourage readers to imagine their genitals thawing, relaxing, and more life returning to them, and to imagine their genitals healing.\n* Instruct readers to keep breathing all the way down into their pelvis and genitals and keep their attention in their bodies.\n* Give readers the option to place their other hand on their heart or over their lower abdomen just above their pubic bone.\n* Encourage readers to try this exercise for five minutes per session.", "response": "\n\n##  Genital Healing\n\nHere is another exercise to help you come back into your body and your sexual desire. Again, lie comfortably on your back, with your knees up, feet on the floor. Settle onto the ground and into your body and sensations. Breathe into your belly, deepening your breath. Keep your attention on the feelings and sensations in your body.\n\nNext, rub your hands together to bring some heat and energy into them. When you are ready, place one hand gently onto your genitals. Let the warmth of your hand radiate into your genitals and pelvis. You could imagine them thawing or relaxing, and more life returning to them. Imagine them healing. Keep breathing all the way down into your pelvis and genitals, and keep your attention in your body.\n\nIf you choose, you can place your other hand on your heart or over your lower abdomen just above your pubic bone.\n\nTry this for five minutes per session.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" titled \"Your Sexual Self-Education\" that includes the following guidance for readers:\n\n* Encourage readers to reflect on where they learned about sex and desire, who taught them about their bodies, and what their family, abuser, school, or religious affiliations taught them about sex and about their sexuality in particular.\n* Encourage readers to consider whether the information they learned is correct and whether it aligns with what they want to believe.\n* Encourage readers to increase their knowledge about sex and desire by reading the remainder of the book, talking to their friends, and reading other people's accounts of sex.\n* Provide examples of resources for learning about sex and desire, such as women's erotica, sex manuals, print magazines, and erotic videos.\n* Encourage readers to consider the context in which pornography is made, including issues of consent, economic independence, and abuses against women in the industry.\n* Encourage readers to support woman-run sex stores and resources, and provide examples of stores and websites in various cities.", "response": "\n\n#  Your Sexual Self-Education\n\nWhere did you learn about sex and desire? Who taught you about your body? What did your family, your abuser, your school or religious affiliations teach you about sex and about your sexuality in particular? Is this what you want to believe? Do you think the information you learned is correct? These questions provide a good beginning for your sexual self-education.\n\nThere are lots of ways now to increase your knowledge about sex and desire. For starters, the remainder of this book is filled with information about sex and various sexual styles. You can also learn about sex by talking to your friends. Ask them what they like, what they don't like, and why. Ask them what is easy for them about sex and what is difficult, and how their sex lives have changed over time. Most people are relieved to have an opportunity to talk honestly about sex and desire.\n\nYou can also read other people's accounts of sex. We are currently enjoying a boom in women's erotica. Annual series, such as Herotica, edited by Marcy Sheiner, Best American Erotica, edited by Susie Bright, and Best Lesbian Erotica, edited by Tristan Taormino, are great starting points for your research. You'll find stories featuring everything from suggestive sensuality to explicit S/M and bondage. Try reading about sex styles that attract you as well as those that differ from yours. You'll find quite an array of erotica titles in the bibliography, which also lists some great sex manuals, such as The New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex by Cathy Winks and Anne Semans. Here you can find positive and accurate sex information that treats sex as a normal part of being human. If you do not have access to erotica or sex manuals in your area, check out the mail-order companies listed in the Resources.\n\nDon't overlook print magazines like On Our Backs, Diva, and Hues. If you prefer to surf your sex, The Women's Guide to Sex on the Web will point you to women's erotica sites.\n\nWatching erotic videos is another way to learn about sex and desire. You can find heterosexual, gay, and lesbian pornography. You can even find videos that match a special interest or fetish. And you can watch videos made by women like Candida Royalle, Nina Hartley, and Annie Sprinkle. Some of these look like traditional pornography and some have a very different aesthetic. There are also lesbians making pornography about lesbians\u2014quite a leap from the traditional woman-on-woman sex scenes in mainstream pornography.\n\n> What Do You Think?\n> \n> People have strong opinions about pornography. Here's mine: I do not find anything \"wrong\" with sex on film. Porn can be hot, interesting, and erotic. The complications come when we look at the context in which porn is made. We still live in a society in which women earn far less than men for the same work. Children who report sexual abuse are not believed, rape victims are put on trial, and sexually powerful women are suspect.\n>\n>>   \n> \n> \n> The pornography industry for the most part is run by and profits men. There are abuses perpetrated against women in the pornography industry, as in many others. Yet many talented women work in the sex industry by choice as directors, producers, and actresses. The key issues, for me, are consent and economic independence. My wish for women in the sex industry is that they profit from their work\u2014personally and financially\u2014and fully enjoy sexual self-determination.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> What do you think?\n\nSome people try to make a distinction between pornography and erotica, but no one seems to be able to come up with definitions we can all agree on. I use the terms interchangeably.\n\nVisit your friendly woman-run sex store to shop for erotic books and videos. The resource section of this book lists stores in New York, Boston, Toronto, Vancouver, Madison, Seattle, San Francisco, Austin, and other cities, along with \"virtual shops\" on the Web.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" titled \"Virgins and Whores\" that discusses the following topics:\n\n* The diverse and varied nature of sexual desire and expression over time and across cultures. Provide historical examples of sex and desire in ancient Chinese texts and tribal cultures.\n* The changing views on sex and desire in the West, including the use of vibrators for medical purposes and as novelty items.\n* The societal model that permits women to be either \"virgins\" or \"whores,\" and the negative consequences of this model, including the idea that a woman who enjoys sex is considered a \"whore.\"\n* The idea that a \"virgin\" in its root definition means \"she who is not owned by another,\" and the importance of developing virginal sex lives in which women are self-possessed.\n* The contradictory and confusing messages women receive about their sexual desirability and the importance of being true to oneself and one's own desires.\n* A quote from a survivor of sexual abuse about the process of wading through the negative messages about sex and discovering one's own \"off-limits\" territory around sexuality.\n* The idea that the sexual norms we inherit bear little resemblance to what people actually do, and the importance of being honest about our actual sexual practices, relationships, affairs, and desires.\n* The prevalence of same-sex erotic experiences and the changing expectations of lifelong, monogamous, heterosexual marriage as the norm.\n* The fact that most people practice serial monogamy and nonmonogamy, and the importance of consensual nonmonogamy (also called polyamory) as an arrangement that is chosen by the primary partners in a sexual relationship.", "response": "\n\n##  Virgins and Whores\n\nSexual desire and expression are amazingly diverse, varying vastly over time and from culture to culture. Ancient Chinese texts on sexuality noted twelve specific names for different depths of the vagina. Each was named for its unique sensation, and instructions were included on how to best touch that particular area. In the earliest of these texts, women were the teachers of sexual knowledge. In other tribal cultures, older women instructed young women in female ejaculation, orgasm, and different positions for sex in preparation for marriage and initiation into womanhood.\n\nIn the West, views on sex and desire have changed over time as well. In the early twentieth century, vibrators were sold to physicians as medical devices that were used on women to cure \"hysteria.\" Basically, women were going to the doctor for an orgasm. Vibrators later became novelty items, and now very few people tell the sales clerk just what they are going to use that new back massager for!\n\nMost of us are familiar with the model of women's sexuality that permits us to be either virgins or whores. As women, we are not supposed to like sex, much less be fully expressed sexually on our own terms. (Quite a radical thought, huh?) A sexually expressed woman is considered a whore. Yet while we are not supposed to relish our own pleasures, we are supposed to be compelling sexual creatures, satisfying our partners. We are constantly acknowledged or disregarded in relation to our sexual desirability. This is quite a contradictory and confusing message.\n\nIn fact, the word virgin in its root definition means \"she who is not owned by another.\" Being virginal in its authentic definition has nothing to do with having had sex or not. A virgin is a woman who is self-possessed. May we all develop virginal sex lives.\n\n> > First I had to wade through what my perpetrators told me about sex. Then I had to sort through the church and my neighborhood, what they think. It came off like layers, and I saw more and more of me. The piece I am working with now is my own \"off-limits\" territory around sexuality. There are these places I want to explore but am afraid to let myself. It keeps coming back to me being like them [the perpetrators] if I really like sex.\n> \n> Sheila\n\nWhat's even crazier is that the sexual norms we inherit bear little resemblance to what people actually do. I think it would be great if everyone told the truth\u2014for one moment\u2014about their actual sexual practices and relationships, affairs and arrangements, fantasies and desires. The diversity would amaze us all.\n\nWe are still taught that heterosexuality is the norm and that only a few people practice same-sex eroticism. Yet in 1990, The Kinsey Institute reported that 35 to 50 percent of men and about 55 percent of women had same-sex erotic experiences.\n\nWhile we are slowly changing our expectations of lifelong, monogamous, heterosexual marriage as the norm, the fact is this has not been the practice of most people for centuries. Today, most people practice serial monogamy and nonmonogamy. We can look at divorce rates and media coverage of extramarital affairs for evidence of this. Look at your own circle of friends and colleagues to get the picture. Some people practice consensual nonmonogamy, also called polyamory, an arrangement that is chosen by the primary partners in a sexual relationship. Sadly, most people still practice the nonconsensual kind.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" titled \"The Complexity of Desire\" that discusses the following topics:\n\n* The idea that desire is not a simple or consistent emotion, but rather a complex and multifaceted experience that can be full of contradictions.\n* The tendency of survivors of childhood sexual abuse to try to rid themselves of these contradictions in an attempt to make their desires simpler or more \"normal.\"\n* The idea that healthy sexuality embraces contradiction, and that it is possible to hold two or more seemingly opposite emotions or desires at the same time.\n* The idea that there is no \"normal\" sexuality in the sense of matching cultural agendas, and that human sexuality is more complex than stereotypes imply.\n* The importance of giving oneself room for all aspects of one's sexuality, including feelings of desire, shame, guilt, and ease.\n* A quote from a survivor of sexual abuse about their experiences with pornography and intense, rough sex, and their attempts to avoid judging their desires or finding a \"right\" answer.", "response": "\n\n#  The Complexity of Desire\n\nDesire is not a tidy little package that stays consistent over time. Desire in fact is multifaceted and full of contradictions.\n\nThis can be particularly true for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. I find that many survivors try to rid themselves of these contradictions in an attempt to make their desires simpler, more \"normal.\" I am not sure that anyone's sexuality is \"normal\" in the sense of matching cultural agendas. Human sexuality is more complex than the stereotypes imply.\n\nHealthy sexuality embraces contradiction. This means that two or more seemingly opposite emotions or desires can be held at the same time. You may feel intense desire and shame at the same time. Sex and desire for you may hold both guilt and ease. You may want to be loved tenderly, to touch softly and be held, while another part of you wants to bite, whip, or tie someone up.\n\n> > It is weird with pornography\u2026sometimes it really turns me on and other times  \n>  I find it rather repulsive. I feel this way about some of the more intense and  \n>  rough sex I have. I love it in the mix and feel guilty afterward sometimes. I try  \n>  not to judge it anymore or try to find the \"right\" answer. I try to give myself  \n>  room for all of it.  \n> \n> \n> Melanie\n"}
{"input": "  Write a section for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" titled \"Owning Your Desire\" that discusses the following topics:\n\n* The idea that everyone has an opinion about sex and that many people and institutions are happy to tell you what your desires should be.\n* The importance of deciding for yourself what your desires are, rather than having someone else decide for you.\n* The fact that many people's desires fall outside of the heterosexual, monogamous, married, missionary-position style for sexual expression.\n* The idea that it is important to own your desire and take responsibility for discovering what fits for you sexually.\n* A list of terms related to sexual diversity, including bisexual, celibate, gay, heterosexual, lesbian, marriage, monogamous, nonmonogamous, pansexual, polyamorous, S/M, serial monogamy, tantra, transgendered, transsexual, transvestite, and vanilla.\n* Examples of what some women find desirable, including the idea that there is no \"right\" way of having consensual sex and that it is important to choose options that help to heal, empower, and support you.\n* A quote from someone about the importance of owning their desire and setting up their sex life according to their own rules.", "response": "\n\n##  Owning Your Desire\n\nSex is one of those aspects of human experience that everyone has an opinion about. Lots of people and institutions\u2014such as your family, church or synagogue, the media, and even your women's rugby team\u2014will be happy to tell you what your desires are or should be. What it comes down to is this: Will you decide for yourself or have someone else do it for you? You may take some heat if your desire falls outside of the heterosexual, monogamous, married, missionary-position style for your sexual expression. Well, most people's desires fall outside of this narrow frame. No wonder we so rarely speak up about our sexual desires! Even if married, missionary-position sex is your favorite\u2014which is fine\u2014you may have other desires that don't fit this expression.\n\n> Sexual Diversity\n> \n> Bisexual: Having sexual desire, interest, and/or activity with people of both sexes.\n>\n>>   \n> \n> \n> Celibate: Choosing to not engage sexually with another and/or with oneself.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Gay: Having sexual desire, interest, and/or activity with people of one's own sex; often refers specifically to men.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Heterosexual: Having sexual desire, interest, and/or activity with people of the opposite sex.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Lesbian: For women, having sexual desire, interest, and/or activity with other women.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Marriage: A legal and/or social contract declaring an emotional and financial commitment to a relationship. In most of the world, only heterosexuals are allowed to be married legally.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Monogamous: Choosing to be sexual with only one other person.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Nonmonogamous: Choosing to be sexual with more than one other person.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Pansexual: Having sexual desires, interests, and behavior with all genders, sexual orientations and persuasions. Many people embrace this term in an attempt to broaden the categories of gay and straight, man and woman, S/M and vanilla.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Polyamorous: Poly means many and amor love. Choosing to have sexual relations with more than one person. Some people prefer this term to nonmonogamous.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> S/M: Sadomasochism is a sexual practice which can include power play, intense sensation, pain, bondage, and role playing.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Serial monogamy: Engaging in a series of monogamous sexual relations, one after the other.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Tantra: A sexual practice which views sex as a sacred path of spiritual transcendence.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Transgendered: An umbrella term, including transsexuals and transvestites, as well as others who identify as being differently-gendered. A transgendered person may identify as gay, heterosexual, lesbian, or pansexual.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Transsexual: A person who identifies with and lives as a gender other than that assigned at birth. Transsexuals usually engage in some form of altering the physical body, such as hormone therapy or gender reassignment surgery. Female-to-male transsexuals (FTMs) identify as men, and male-to-female transsexuals (MTFs) identify as women. A transsexual may identify as gay, heterosexual, lesbian, or pansexual.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Transvestite: A person who cross-dresses.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Vanilla: A term used by S/M practitioners to describe non-S/M sex.\n\nFollowing are some examples of what some women find desirable.\n\n> > People used to think that the world was flat. That is how I was about sex. I thought sex was a sin and bad. When you stand in the plains, the world does look flat; you have to look from a bigger perspective to see that the world is round.\n> \n> Rona\n>\n>> I sometimes feel that my sexual desires are bad, grotesque, abnormal. This is connected to what I think a woman should be\u2014my desires seem \"unladylike.\"\n> \n> Louisa\n\nLike other things we take for granted, our views on sex are influenced by social and historical forces, along with cultural heritage and religious beliefs. There is no \"right\" way of having consensual sex; rather, there are options you may or may not choose. Which options help to heal you? Which empower and support you? Owning your desire means that you take responsibility for discovering what fits for you sexually. You get to be the one who names the unique sexual expression that is yours. Grant yourself permission.\n\n> > It was so amazing when I realized that I could really set up my sex life however  \n>  I wanted to\u2026that I could run my sex life by my own rules. I had always felt  \n>  too guilty to like sex. What I really wanted was to date a number of people at  \n>  once, and I wanted to explore sexually. I did not know anything about me and  \n>  what I liked and wanted. I wanted to find out, so I started. Nonmonogamy has  \n>  been amazingly freeing for me. Oh, and I practice safe sex, too.  \n> \n> \n> Rebecca\n"}
{"input": " \n\nWrite a section for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" titled \"Sex Guide Exercises\" that includes the following:\n\n* Four exercises that readers can do to better understand their own sexual desires and boundaries.\n* The first exercise should involve taking a sexual self-inventory, including what the reader has experienced sexually up to now, what they liked and did not like, what they know about their sexuality, and what they would like to learn.\n* The second exercise should involve creating a list of sexual activities and sorting them into three columns: \"yes,\" \"maybe,\" and \"no.\" The \"yes\" column should include activities that the reader enjoys or thinks they would enjoy, the \"maybe\" column should include activities that the reader might be willing to try under certain circumstances, and the \"no\" column should include activities that the reader does not enjoy and does not want to explore.\n* The third exercise should involve imagining a physically pleasurable activity, enlivening to the reader's senses, and describing the sensations they feel and how much pleasure or desire they can take in.\n* The fourth exercise should involve identifying a sexual activity or fantasy that the reader would like to try and being explicit about what is stopping them from trying it out.\n* Encourage the reader to have a conversation with a friend or therapist about what they wrote.", "response": "\n\n#  Sex Guide Exercises\n\nWrite about the following. Then, have a conversation with a friend or therapist about what you wrote.\n\n> 1\\. Take a sexual self-inventory. What have you experienced sexually up to now? What did you like? What did you not like? What do you know about your sexuality? What would you like to learn?\n\n> 2\\. Take a piece of paper and make three columns, titled \"yes,\" \"maybe\" and \"no.\" In the \"yes\" column, list all the sexual activities that you enjoy or think you would enjoy. In the \"maybe\" column, list all the sexual activities that you enjoy under certain circumstances or that you might be willing to try. In the \"no\" column, list all the sexual activities that you do not enjoy and do not want to explore. Include both masturbation and partner sex. Now, look at your lists. Which column most closely resembles your current sex life?\n\n> 3\\. Imagine an activity that is physically pleasurable to you, enlivening to your senses. It could be walking on warm sand, feeling the breeze against your face, touching your partner, having oral sex. Imagine yourself in that scene now. What kinds of sensations are you feeling while you experience this specific pleasure? Where in your body do you feel them? How much pleasure or desire can you take in?\n\n> 4\\. What sexual activity or fantasy would you like to try out? Be explicit. What's stopping you?\n"}
{"input": " \n\nWrite a section for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" titled \"Dissociation\" that includes the following:\n\n* Two quotes from survivors of sexual abuse about their experiences with dissociation during sex.\n* The first quote should be from a person named Hannah, who expresses confusion and discomfort at the idea of being present in her body during sex, as she has spent energy trying not to be there during sex.\n* The second quote should be from a person named Kathy, who describes her ability to dissociate during sex through fantasy, thinking about unrelated topics, or other means.\n\nI hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions.", "response": "\n\nchapter three\n\nDissociation\n\n> > What do you, mean be in my body for sex? I spend my energy trying not to be there during sex.\n> \n> Hannah\n>\n>> What I am really best at sexually is checking out. I can do it through fantasy, thinking about fixing the car, or wondering what school my kids should go to\u2014and I don't even have kids yet\u2026\n> \n> Kathy\n"}
{"input": "  \n\nWrite a section for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" titled \"Checking Out\" that includes the following:\n\n* A definition of dissociation as \"checking out\" and a description of it as a normal and healthy response to trauma, emphasizing that it is a creative and self-preserving attempt to manage the experience of being abused.\n* A comparison of dissociation to an emotional immune system response that happens automatically without any conscious thought or control.\n* An explanation that people who have experienced various types of traumas, such as domestic violence, rape, war, political imprisonment, and torture, all use dissociation as a survival tool.\n* A quote from Judith Lewis Herman's book \"Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence\u2014From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror\" that discusses the psychological distress symptoms of traumatized people and how they alternate between feeling numb and reliving the event.\n\nI hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions.", "response": "\n\n#  Checking Out\n\nDissociation is \"checking out.\" It is crawling out of your skin to get away when there is no other way to get away. Dissociation is a normal and healthy response to trauma. It is a creative and self-preserving attempt to manage the experience of being abused. As a child, you tried to distance yourself mentally, emotionally, and spiritually from the pain, manipulation, and betrayal of sexual abuse. Dissociation is a survival tool, and a good one at that. You would not have survived as intact as you are had you not dissociated.\n\nI have come to think of dissociation as a kind of emotional immune system response. When a virus invades your body, your immune system acts automatically to preserve your health. You do not have to send out any kind of alert or instructions. Dissociation also happens without us thinking about it or having control over it.\n\n  \n\n\nPeople experiencing very different types of traumas report the same experience of dissociation. Survivors of domestic violence and rape, war veterans, political prisoners, and torture survivors all use dissociation as a survival tool. If the trauma or betrayal is too much for the psyche to process at that time, some level of distancing from the event takes place.\n\n> The ordinary response to atrocities is to banish them from consciousness. Certain violations of the social compact are too terrible to utter aloud: this is the meaning of the word unspeakable.\n> \n> The psychological distress symptoms of traumatized people simultaneously call attention to the existence of an unspeakable secret and deflect attention from it. This is most apparent in the way traumatized people alternate between feeling numb and reliving the event.\n>\n>>   \n> \n> \n> Judith Lewis Herman, M.D.,  \n>  Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath  \n>  of Violence\u2014From Domestic Abuse to  \n>  Political Terror  \n> \n"}
{"input": " \n\nWrite a section for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" titled \"Dissociation over Time\" that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation of dissociation as a temporary survival technique that allows one to escape immediate pain and fear, but does not lead to the processing or healing of the trauma.\n* A description of the emotional responses to sexual abuse as remaining in the body, waiting to be addressed during recovery, with the possibility of experiencing a \"thawing out\" or reintegrating as one returns to oneself and reoccupies one's own body.\n* A discussion of how dissociation may continue even after the danger has passed and its usefulness is no longer needed, with examples of survivors who still feel as though they are out of their bodies, especially in response to closeness, intensity, fear, or sexuality.\n* Include quotes from survivors, such as Shandell and Henrietta, to illustrate these points. \n\nI hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions.", "response": "\n\n##  Dissociation over Time\n\nThe funny thing about dissociation is that it is a temporary survival technique. Although you get away from the immediate pain and fear, the trauma does not get processed or healed by dissociating. It remains with you, to be attended to at a safer time. Dissociation is designed to get you through and out of the traumatic event. The healing of the trauma comes later.\n\nThe emotional responses to sexual abuse remain in your body, awaiting your attention. During recovery you have the chance to reintegrate, to feel and come to peace with these bodily held traumatic experiences. You may experience a kind of thawing out as you return to yourself, melting back into your own body and reoccupying your own skin.\n\nA tricky thing about dissociation is that it can continue long after the danger is over and its usefulness has passed. Dissociation becomes so practiced that you can find yourself leaving your body even when you are not in danger.\n\n> > I have found so many \"parts\" of me that have no idea that the abuse has ended.  \n>  They are on continuous red alert, awaiting the next attack.  \n> \n> \n> Shandell\n\nMany survivors come to believe that being dissociated\u2014or out of your body\u2014is the safest and sometimes the only safe way to live. Even if you know you are safe, dissociation may still be your automatic response to closeness, intensity, fear, or sexuality. Dissociating comes to be what feels natural.\n\n> > I still sometimes find myself floating outside of my body as if I am walking behind myself. This happens particularly when I am scared or startled. It's like it is automatic, the first place I know to go to feel safe.\n> \n> Henrietta\n"}
{"input": "  \n\nWrite a section for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" titled \"Dissociation: How It Works\" that includes the following:\n\n* A description of the various ways dissociation occurs, such as floating out of one's body, going to a very small place, focusing on a small speck, or singing.\n* Examples from survivors of how they experienced dissociation during their abuse, including quotes from Marie, Louisa, Carla, Akaya, and Liz.\n* An explanation of how dissociation involves shallow breathing or holding one's breath, which sends the body into a form of shock, and how tensing muscles constricts the flow of blood and numbs sensations.\n* A discussion of how some survivors dissociate from the feelings of the abuse but remember exactly what happened, and how this can cause them to minimize the abuse or believe it was \"no big deal.\"\n* Examples of this type of dissociation from Carolyn.\n* An explanation of how dissociation can be as subtle as \"spacing out\" or as extreme as blocking the memory of the abuse entirely, known as traumatic amnesia.\n* A description of how memories can return in many ways, such as body memories, disjointed pieces of information, or a full-video replay.\n* An explanation of how re-embodying and thawing from dissociation are vital to healing one's sexuality, and how minimizing the abuse is another means of dissociating or distancing oneself from the pain.\n* Examples of how survivors minimize their abuse, such as by comparing it to others' experiences, feeling they should be over it, or downplaying the severity of the abuse.\n* An encouraging message about how acknowledging the impact of the abuse and feeling the associated pain can lead to healing and a greater appreciation of one's own resources, resilience, and courage. \n\nI hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions.", "response": "\n\n##  Dissociation: How It Works\n\nDissociation happens in lots of ways that are actually fairly predictable. Some survivors report floating out of their bodies and watching the abuse from the other side of the room. Others talk about going deep inside to a very small place, where no one could find them, touch them, or get them.\n\n> > My brother abused my sisters and me. I remember several times I had out-of-body experiences. I felt as if I were sitting on the window sill, watching. That's also what I felt like when I started having sex. I just wasn't there.\n> \n> Marie\n>\n>> My baby-sitter abused me when I was in first and second grade. He said it was a game and that I'd like it. He'd make me change into my nightgown and do a headstand against the wall. Then he'd stick his fingers in my vagina. I bought his story. I abandoned myself by not trusting my own instricts and feelings about what was happening.\n> \n> Louisa\n\nStill others tell about focusing on a very small speck on the ceiling or singing or talking themselves into another world.\n\n> > I would hear my dad walking across my bedroom. I would face the wall pretending I was asleep, holding my eyes closed tight. No one taught me how to do this, but spontaneously in my mind I would start chanting, \"This isn't happening, this isn't happening, this isn't my dad, this isn't my dad.\" Over and over again I would do this. This would help me leave, go into some kind of altered state.\n> \n> Carla\n>\n>> My father often molested me after dinner when I was in my room doing schoolwork. Reading and schoolwork became my main means of escape. I would just focus on the reading or the math problem until he finished and go back to my schoolwork. I became so adept at this that one time I hardly set down the book.\n> \n> Akaya\n\nWe do things with our bodies to dissociate. Pretend you are scared or startled\u2014what happens? Most likely you tense your muscles and hold your breath. Dissociation usually involves shallow breathing or holding your breath. Holding your breath sends your body into a form of shock. Tensing and holding your muscles constricts the flow of blood and can numb sensations. When you are under attack or afraid, adrenaline courses through your body. This also helps to numb sensation and sends your body into a fight, flight, or freeze response.\n\n> > I would freeze whenever my uncle picked me up. My body would get tense all the way down to the bone. It was like he touched me and I quit breathing.\n> \n> Liz\n\nSome survivors dissociated from the feelings of the abuse but visually remember exactly what happened. Many of these survivors believe that the abuse was \"no big deal.\" By dissociating from their feelings during the abuse, they tried to minimize its emotional impact.\n\n> > I always remembered what my mom would do to me and my brother. I just shrugged my shoulders like, \"Whatever\u2026she was just weird.\" What I didn't get is that there was actually a reason behind me feeling like I was tainted or something was wrong with me. There was a reason I did so many drugs and had sex with so many people.\n> \n> Carolyn\n\nDissociation can be as subtle as \"spacing out\" for a brief time or as extreme as blocking the memory of the abuse entirely. This is called traumatic amnesia. You may have no recollection of the abuse whatsoever or only a vague sense that something happened. Or, you may know that you are terrified of a certain person or place\u2014but have no idea why.\n\nAs the dissociation thaws, memories can return in many ways. You may experience \"body memories,\" actually experiencing the pressures, sensations, and terror of the abuse, yet having no visual or narrative recollection of the events. You may remember disjointed pieces of information\u2014places, people, or specific details. Some survivors have a full-video replay, remembering sights, sounds, feelings, and even smells. The specific type of recollection matters less than the healing that comes from it. Re-embodying and thawing from dissociation are vital to healing your sexuality. The numbers and types of memories are less significant.\n\nEvery survivor I have worked with minimizes the abuse in some way. \"It was worse for someone else,\" \"I should be over it,\" \"What's the big deal? He just made me suck him off,\" are comments I hear over and over again. Minimizing sexual abuse is another means of dissociating or distancing yourself from the pain. To really acknowledge the impact of childhood sexual abuse, to really face how it has affected your life, means feeling the pain, anger, loss, and betrayal. The good news is that this heals you\u2014and it gets you in touch with the enormous resources, resilience, and courage that got you through.\n"}
{"input": "  \n\nWrite a section for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" titled \"Dissociation and You\" that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation of how the ways you dissociated in the past to survive the abuse are likely the ways you continue to dissociate today, even when you consciously know you are safe.\n* A statement about how your body is responding from habit when it dissociates.\n* A discussion of how you can learn to notice how dissociation works and work with it, even though it can be frustrating.\n* Questions for the reader to consider about their own experiences with dissociation, such as where they go when they dissociate, what they are thinking, what they say to themselves, and how the world looks to them when they are dissociated.\n* Examples from survivors about their experiences with dissociation, including descriptions of how colors fade, how they try to make everything look okay, how they become easily distracted, how they can't feel their body, how they feel floaty, and how they hold their breath and go blank.\n\nI hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions.", "response": "\n\n#  Dissociation and You\n\nHow can you tell when you are dissociated now? The ways that you dissociated in the past to survive the abuse are most likely the ways that you continue to dissociate today. It's as if your nervous system learned a certain route and uses it again and again to bring you to safety. This can be frustrating when you consciously know that you are safe and that the person you are having sex with is not your perpetrator, and still you respond by dissociating. Your body is responding from habit.\n\nThe good news about this automatic dissociation is that you can learn to notice how it works and then work with it. As you learn what happens for you when you dissociate, you can learn how to find your way back.\n\nTo start, consider what it's like when you check out. Where do you go? What are you thinking? What do you say to yourself? How does the world look to you when you are dissociated?\n\nFollowing are examples from survivors:\n\n> When I am dissociated, the vividness of things fades. The colors are less bright and everything feels distant or separate from me.\n>\n>>   \n> \n> \n> Instead of telling the truth, I try to make everything look okay. It feels like I am the only one who knows what is going on, and I'm faking out my lover. This is how I can tell that something must have scared me and I am going into survival mode.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> I am easily distracted, thinking of everything other than the sex I am having, like figuring out who's going to baby-sit the kids next week, and what I should do about a problem at work. I start to think a lot.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> I can't really feel my body anymore. I feel like I am floaty. I can't find me. Sometimes I look down at my arm and wonder if that is really mine.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> I hold my breath and just go blank. I can't think or feel.\n"}
{"input": " \n\nWrite a section for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" titled \"Your Body and Dissociation\" that includes the following:\n\n* An encouragement for the reader to look for the body process that goes along with dissociation for them, including what is happening in their body when they dissociate.\n* A suggestion to watch their breath as a good place to start, including questions about whether their breath is shallow or if they are holding their breath.\n* A prompt to scan their body for sensations, including whether they can feel their arms and legs, if they feel any sensation in their back, and if they are tensing the muscles in their shoulders, pelvis, or genitals.\n* Questions about which places in their body are blank or frozen, and which areas they do not want to inhabit.\n* Examples from survivors about their experiences with dissociation and their bodies, including descriptions of holding their breath and tensing up, making the muscles around their pelvis and genitals really tight, feeling like they don't have genitals, and having trouble focusing on their lower back and ass.\n\nI hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions.", "response": "\n\n##  Your Body and Dissociation\n\nNow look for the body process that goes along with dissociation for you. What is happening in your body when you dissociate? Watching your breath is usually a good place to start. Is your breath shallow? Are you holding your breath?\n\nWhat about the rest of your body? Can you feel your arms and legs? Do you feel any sensation in your back? Are you tensing the muscles in your shoulders, pelvis, or genitals? Does your lower body disappear? Scan through the rest of your body. Which places in your body are blank or frozen? Which areas do you not want to inhabit?\n\n> > I hold my breath and tense up around my chest. Then, internally, it's like I am running around looking for a safe place to hide. My adrenaline starts pumping.\n> \n> Jeanie\n>\n>> I make the muscles around my pelvis and genitals really tight when I am afraid and start to space out. This usually goes along with holding my breath.\n> \n> Jennifer\n\nYou may find that you have little or no sensation in a particular part of your body. It may feel blank, numb, or void. This is an area to pay attention to. It may hold old tension and trauma from the abuse.\n\n> > I have this idea that I don't have genitals. There is a brain part and a body part, and the body part, particularly my genitals, is detatched.\n> \n> Terri\n>\n>> I can hardly focus on my lower back and ass. I can stay there for a millisecond, and then I realize I've checked out again.\n> \n> Rona\n"}
{"input": " \n\nWrite a section for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" titled \"The Trigger\" that includes the following:\n\n* A prompt for the reader to think about what caused them to dissociate and if they can trace their experience back to the moment where they started dissociating.\n* Questions for the reader about what they wanted to get away from and if they can notice the moment they started to dissociate.\n* An example from a survivor about their experience with dissociation and masturbation, including feeling sexy and moving their hips, feeling a wave of shame, and wanting to get away.\n* An explanation that dissociation is usually a move away from some overwhelming or uncomfortable sensation or emotion and that your body registers a feeling you perceive to be dangerous or threatening and helps you remove yourself to safety.\n* An encouragement for the reader to learn what happens in their body when they dissociate and how and when they check out.\n* A message of hope that the reader can learn how to notice dissociation as it is happening and not check out at all, and that they can develop a habit of bringing themselves back to themselves over and over again.", "response": "\n\n##  The Trigger\n\nWhat caused you to dissociate? Can you trace your experience back to the moment where you started dissociating? What did you want to get away from? These questions may seem unanswerable at first. You may think, \"I don't know, it just happens.\" You can learn to notice, however.\n\n> > I was masturbating and realized I was checking out. I stopped and tried to see when I started to go away. I realized that as soon as I began to feel sexy and move my hips, I felt a wave of shame and then wanted to get away.\n> \n> Stephanie\n\nUsually, dissociation is a move away from some overwhelming or uncomfortable sensation or emotion. Your body registers a feeling you perceive to be dangerous or threatening and helps you remove yourself to safety. Now that you are an adult and engaged in a process of healing, you are no longer in danger, however much you may feel afraid. Feeling these emotions and moving toward these sensations is your path to healing and having your life and sexuality back.\n\nBy learning what happens in your body when you dissociate, you can come to know the intricacies of how and when you check out. This then gives you options for how to check in again. Eventually you can learn how to notice dissociation as it is happening and not check out at all. You can develop a habit of bringing you back to yourself over and over again. You will find that you return more quickly and easily with practice.\n"}
{"input": " \n\nWrite a section for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" titled \"The Road Back: Healing Dissociation\" that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation that while dissociation helps you survive sexual abuse, coming back into yourself allows you to experience the full spectrum of being alive and to be present for sex.\n* Questions about whether the reader can feel pleasure, connect with their partner, or even know what they want if they are not present.\n* An example from a survivor named Jeanette about their experience with dissociation and how they felt safer in their head. They didn't want to feel their body or their feelings because it was too scary and out of control. They fell for someone and couldn't feel deeply. They couldn't feel much sexually and it was hard to stay present for it. They knew they loved this person and couldn't stand not being able to feel more, so they decided to learn how to be present. \n\nI hope this helps you generate the prompts you need to continue your book. Let me know if you have any other questions or if there's anything else I can do for you.", "response": "\n\n#  The Road Back: Healing Dissociation\n\nWhile dissociation helps you survive sexual abuse, coming back into yourself allows you to experience the full spectrum of being alive. Returning to your body lets you be there for sex. If you are not present, how can you feel pleasure, connect with your partner, or even know what you want?\n\n> > For a long time life felt safer if I was in my head. I didn't want to feel my body  \n>  or my feelings because it was too scary and out of control. Too much of the  \n>  abuse would come up. I fell for this guy, though, and it was so hard to feel him  \n>  deeply. I couldn't feel much sexually and it was hard to stay there for it. I knew  \n>  I loved him, and I couldn't stand not being able to feel more. Finally it became  \n>  worth it to me to learn how to be here.  \n> \n> \n> Jeanette\n"}
{"input": " \n\nWrite a section for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" titled \"Tracking\" that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation that as survivors begin to notice the various ways they dissociate, they will likely find a pattern or rhythm to it. There may be a consistent response in their body that lets them know they are dissociating, or they may say certain things to themselves, like \"nothing matters anyway\" or \"I am worthless.\"\n* Encouragement for the reader to review what they have discovered about their own dissociation and to notice the sensations in their body that go along with dissociating. They should also notice the places in their body they are dissociated from, areas that are blank, numb, or frozen. They should also pay attention to what they tell themselves when they go away and what sends them out.\n* A request for the reader to begin to track their own route of dissociating.\n* Examples of different ways individuals dissociate, including holding one's breath, losing track of most of their body and only feeling their head and shoulders, having thoughts that become very fast, getting tense in certain areas of the body, and getting angry and annoyed at everything.\n* An explanation that knowing one's own dissociative states lets them recognize where they are, which is the first step in learning to come back. This is an important part of healing, as \"to heal, you first have to become intimate with what is.\"", "response": "\n\n##  Tracking\n\nAs you begin to notice the various ways you dissociate and what that state is like for you, you'll probably find a pattern or rhythm to it. You may find a consistent response in your body that lets you know you are on your way out. You may also find that when you dissociate, you say things to yourself, like \"nothing matters anyway\" or \"I am worthless.\" These patterns become recognizable and thus easier to notice and work with.\n\nReview what you have discovered about your own dissociation. What are the sensations in your body that go along with checking out? Notice again the places in your body you are dissociated from, areas that are blank, numb, or frozen. What do you tell yourself when you go away? What sends you out? Begin to track your own route of dissociating.\n\nHere are some examples:\n\n> First I hold my breath. I lose track of most of my body and can only feel my head and shoulders. My thinking gets really fast. It is like I start to run around inside looking for a safe place to be. The world outside of me disappears and I get very internal.\n\nI get tense all over, but especially in my shoulders and through my pelvis. My breathing is shallow, and I start to try to be really good. I kind of lose myself and pay attention to reading other people\u2026What do they want from me? How should I act? I lose the internal sense of myself and get very other-focused.\n\n  \n\n\nMy body will feel like it is something attached to me or not mine at all. I look down at myself and do not relate. I feel hazy or like my head is swimming. It is kind of scary. I notice that what triggers me is usually some emotion that gets too intense. It can be anger or pleasure.\n\n  \n\n\nMy arms and neck get very tense. My jaws, too. I also get angry and annoyed at everything. I just want to push things and people away. I want it all to get away from me. It is like I want to get rid of all internal and external stimulation\u2026have everything stop.\n\n  \n\n\nKnowing your own dissociative states lets you recognize where you are. From there, you can learn to come back. A wonderful friend of mine once said, \"To heal, you first have to become intimate with what is.\" Knowing what you are like when you check out is doing just this.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" titled \"Returning\" that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation that noticing when you are dissociating is half the battle and to watch for your own signals, particularly those physical sensations that let you know you are going away.\n* Instructions to drop your breath low in your body, down into your belly, and breathe. The reader should also reassure themselves and tell themselves everything is going to be all right, and invite themselves back.\n* Encouragement for the reader to get up and move their body, increasing their blood flow and heart rate by swinging their arms or shaking their legs. They should bring their focus back into their body and notice their surroundings.\n* Instructions to bring their focus to their emotions and to say out loud what they are feeling, such as \"I am scared\" or \"I am sad.\" They should also consider if they need to tell someone what's going on or if they need support.\n* An explanation that emotions show up as sensations in the body and to build tolerance for more intense sensations in order to have an embodied sex life.\n* Instructions to watch what they are thinking and to try telling themselves something neutral or even positive if they find they are speaking harshly to themselves.", "response": "\n\n##  Returning\n\nNoticing that you are checking out is half the battle. Watch for your own signals, particularly those sensations that let you know you are going away. Once you notice, drop your breath low in your body, down into your belly. Breathe. Reassure yourself. Tell yourself everything is going to be all right. Invite yourself back.\n\nGet up and move your body. Increase your blood flow and heart rate by swinging your arms or shaking your legs. Bring your focus back into your body. If you can't feel a particular area of your body, rub yourself there. Bring the feeling back into you. Notice your surroundings. What color are the walls? Who is in the room with you?\n\nThen bring your focus to your emotions. What are you feeling? Say this out loud: \"I am scared\" or \"I am sad.\" Do you need to tell someone what's going on? Do you need support? Believe it or not, you will survive your fear, anger, pleasure, and grief.\n\nEmotions show up as sensations in the body. When you feel shame, what physical sensations go along with that? What about guilt? Or pleasure? Or love? What is it like to feel the emotion instead of making it go away? To embody, you must build your tolerance for more intense sensations. To have an embodied sex life, you must learn to face the feelings you needed to turn away from in the past.\n\nLast, watch what you are thinking. Are the messages you are telling yourself soothing or empowering? Or self-denigrating? Often we are hard on ourselves as a way of avoiding feelings of anger, hurt, or fear. It may seem easier to be cruel to yourself than to face what others did to you. This internal cruelty helps to keep you dissociated. If you find you are speaking harshly to yourself, try telling yourself something neutral (\"Breathe. It's okay. I am going to be okay.\") or even positive if you can get there (\"I'm worth it. I can do this.\")\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" titled \"Embodiment Practices\" that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation that consciously practicing being embodied is the most important step in working with dissociation.\n* Instructions for a five-minute practice each morning that involves noticing sensations in the body, including legs, arms, and genitals. The reader should note which feelings and sensations are easier to tolerate and which are more difficult, and try to stay as long as possible with the ones they want to get rid of.\n* A section titled \"Belly Breathe\" that encourages the reader to notice when they are holding their breath or breathing shallowly, and to breathe deeply and regularly again. They should breathe down into their belly so that their stomach and chest move.\n* A section titled \"Move Yourself\" that encourages physical activities like walking, biking, and swimming as a way to get to know the body more intimately. The reader should bring their attention to their sensations and senses while moving.\n* A section titled \"Bodywork\" that encourages the reader to engage in therapeutic bodywork to open frozen or armored places in the body and come back into the body gladly.\n* A section titled \"Embodiment Practices\" that encourages centering practices like martial arts, yoga, dance, and some forms of meditation to build the reader's capacity to be in their body and develop an awareness of their body.\n* A quote from Roslyn about the importance of staying present in the body and heart, even if it feels scary at first.\n* An explanation that dissociating was an excellent survival strategy in the past, but that now the reader can learn to associate being in their body with pleasure, delight, ease, and connection.\n* A quote from Maggie about how she has learned to notice when she starts to hold her breath or feel a rush, to relax, breathe, feel the sensations, and remind herself that it's okay to feel. She does this during sex.", "response": "\n\n##  Embodiment Practices\n\nMost important, consciously practice being embodied. Dedicate time to it. Working with dissociation is working with re-embodiment. You can increase your tolerance for the rushes of shame, pleasure, anger, and love that once sent you into dissociation. This is a process of building your capacity to be present for your sensations and emotions.\n\n  \n\n\nFIVE MINUTES:\n\nPractice noticing the sensations in your body, including your legs, arms, and genitals, for five minutes each morning. What do you notice? Which feelings and sensations are easier for you to tolerate and which are more difficult? Notice where you want to turn toward a sensation and where you want the sensation to go away. Stay as long as you can with the ones you want to get rid of.\n\n  \n\n\nBELLY BREATHE:\n\nNotice when you hold your breath or breathe very shallowly. Stop and breathe deeply and regularly again. Breathe down into your belly so that your stomach and chest move. You may notice yourself not breathing fifty times a day. That's okay; in fact, it is great that you notice. This is how you will retrain your automatic responses.\n\n  \n\n\nMOVE YOURSELF:\n\nPhysical activities such as walking, biking, and swimming are helpful in the practice of being embodied. This is physical activity not for exercise, but rather as a practice of getting to know your body more intimately. As you move, bring your attention to your sensations and senses. How do your arms feel? Your legs? How about inside your chest and stomach? Is it warm or hot or cool? Do you notice a twitch? Do you feel relaxed?\n\n  \n\n\nBODYWORK:\n\nI encourage anyone healing from sexual abuse to engage in therapeutic bodywork. This is not massage to work your muscles, but bodywork that serves to open the frozen or armored places in your body. Therapeutic bodywork attends to the emotions as well as the body, allowing you to come back into your body and live in it gladly. See the Resources for information on a variety of therapeutic bodywork styles.\n\n  \n\n\nEMBODIMENT PRACTICES:\n\nCentering practices, such as martial arts, yoga, dance, and some forms of meditation, can help you build your capacity to be in your body. Again, this is not about pushing yourself physically, but rather about developing a place of centeredness in your body and an awareness of your body. You can learn that being relaxed and being empowered can happen at the same time. Being embodied and being safe can exist simultaneously.\n\n> > This might sound strange, but I've been learning that if I stick around to feel both my body and my heart, I'm not going to die. I thought that I would.\n> \n> Roslyn\n> \n> Coming back to our bodies can be terrifying, mostly because we have come to associate being in our bodies with danger, pain, terror, and betrayal. Who would want to be there? In the past, dissociating was an excellent survival strategy to get away from the abuse. The difference now, however, is that the abuse is over, and along with pain, anger, and loss, we get to feel pleasure, delight, ease, and connection.\n\n> > I can notice when I start to hold my breath or feel a rush that once would have been too much. I relax in the moment now, breathe, feel the sensations, remind myself that it is okay to feel. I am here with me. Then I am back. I do this during sex!\n> \n> Maggie\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" titled \"Talk About It\" that includes the following:\n\n* An encouragement to talk with other survivors about what it's like when they dissociate. Explain that it can be useful to compare notes and that they may recognize something in their pattern of dissociating that the reader hasn't noticed in theirs.\n* A quote from Janie about how her girlfriend started noticing her spacing out during sex before she did.\n* An explanation that often, intimate partners will notice that the reader is dissociating before they do. The reader may need to help their partner learn to recognize the signs that they are checking out.\n* A suggestion to talk to the partner about dissociation now, when the reader is not in the throes of it, so it's easier to bring up when they are triggered.\n* A quote from Sally about how she and her husband had to find a balance between him checking in with her and him interrupting the flow of sex. She notes that half of her annoyance was him bringing her back to the present, which was a much scarier place to have sex from.", "response": "\n\n##  Talk About It\n\nTalk with others survivors about what it is like when they dissociate. It can be very useful to compare notes. They may recognize something in their pattern of dissociating that you haven't noticed in yours.\n\n> > My girlfriend started noticing me spacing out during sex before I would. She'd ask, \"Where are you now?\" I was surprised. I didn't realize I had gone anywhere. \n> \n> Janie\n\nOften, your intimate partner will notice that you are dissociating before you do. If your partner is not aware of your dissociation, it's important that he or she learn to recognize the signs that you are checking out. Try talking to your partner about dissociation now; it's easier to talk about it when you are not in the throes of it, making it easir to bring up when you are triggered.\n\n> > My husband and I had to find a balance between him checking in with me and him interrupting the flow of sex. Sometimes I had to tell him to shut up and quit asking me if I was present. I think half of my annoyance, though, was him bringing me back to the present, which was a much scarier place to have sex from.\n\nSally\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Sex Guide Exercises\" for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An exercise for the reader to explore what being dissociated or \"checked out\" is like for them. Ask them to consider what happens in their body when they dissociate and what they say to themselves internally.\n* An exercise for the reader to consider how they can recognize the state of dissociation for themselves. Also, ask them to consider how a partner or friend could help them recognize it. What would that person sense or see in them when they dissociate?\n* An exercise for the reader to reflect on what they have to gain by living an embodied life and having an embodied sex life.\n* An exercise for the reader to list three ways they can begin to re-enter their body, or re-associate. Ask them what embodiment practices they are willing to take on regularly.\n\nUSER: Here is the next part of the story:\n\n\n\n##  Grounding Exercises\n\nGrounding exercises are practices that help you re-enter your body and re-associate. They can help survivors of sexual trauma reconnect with their bodies in a safe and secure way.\n\n> > I like to practice yoga. It helps me connect with my body and feel present. Sometimes I'll take a yoga class, and sometimes I'll just do some poses at home.\n> \n> Jane\n\n\n\n> > I find that breathing exercises really help me. When I feel like I'm starting to dissociate, I focus on my breath and try to stay present.\n> \n> Mark\n\n\n\n> > I like to do mindfulness meditation. It helps me stay present and focused on the current moment.\n> \n> Lily\n\n\n\n> > I find that doing something physical, like going for a run or playing a sport, helps me feel more present in my body.\n> \n> David\n\n\n\n> > I like to take a warm bath or shower. The sensation of the water on my skin helps me feel more present in my body.\n> \n> Sarah\n\n\nTASK: Write a detailed prompt that would generate the above section of the story.\nASSISTANT: Write a section titled \"Grounding Exercises\" for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An introduction explaining that grounding exercises are practices that help the reader re-enter their body and re-associate. They can help survivors of sexual trauma reconnect with their bodies in a safe and secure way.\n* A quote from Jane about how she likes to practice yoga to connect with her body and feel present.\n* A quote from Mark about how breathing exercises help him when he feels like he's starting to dissociate.\n* A quote from Lily about how mindfulness meditation helps her stay present and focused on the current moment.\n* A quote from David about how doing something physical, like going for a run or playing a sport, helps him feel more present in his body.\n* A quote from Sarah about how taking a warm bath or shower helps her feel more present in her body.", "response": "\n\n#  Sex Guide Exercises\n\n> 1\\. Explore what being dissociated or \"checked out\" is like for you. What happens in your body when you dissociate? What do you say to yourself internally?\n\n> 2\\. How can you recognize this state for yourself? How could a partner or friend help you recognize it? What would they sense or see in you when you dissociate?\n\n> 3\\. What do you have to gain by living an embodied life? What do you have to gain by having an embodied sex life?\n\n> 4\\. List three ways you can begin to re-enter your body, or re-associate. What embodiment practices are you willing to take on regularly?\n"}
{"input": " Write a chapter titled \"Self-Denial\" for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation of what self-denial is, specifically in the context of not behaving in accordance with one's needs and desires and brushing one's wants under the rug.\n* A quote from Hannah about how she knows what she wants sexually but is too afraid to ask or say it, and how she feels like she is imposing.\n* An explanation of how being sexually abused as a child teaches one that their needs and desires are unimportant and that their body and sexuality exist for someone else's use. Abuse tells one that their boundaries are wrong or at least ineffectual. After childhood sexual abuse, many survivors are left feeling little or no permission to have desires, needs, or boundaries, or to take up space.\n* A quote from Mimi about how she doesn't assume she deserves anything and how she adjusts to the room she's in and the people she's with, always watching for how she's supposed to act so she won't be hurt again.\n* An explanation of how sexual abuse tells one that they are not supposed to be delighted and fulfilled, and that they may feel guilty when they feel pleasure, thinking that they must be bad or that their pleasure denies someone else theirs. Shame, self-blame, and suffering become familiar, and pleasure and fulfillment become suspect.\n* An explanation of how, as a survivor, one may find that they deny or minimize their sexuality altogether, or they may find that sex is all they think they are good for. These are called sexual aversion and sexual compulsion, respectively.\n* A quote from Amy about how all she wants to do is get sex away from her and how she does not want to have sex or to be sexual. She thinks that the world would be a better place if sex did not exist and she could feel safe then.\n* A quote from Maggie about how sex is what she knows best and how it is the way she knows how to interact, sometimes it seems like the only way she knows. She has sex when she wants comfort, when she is lonely, sometimes when she is hungry, and when she just wants to get to know someone as a friend, she finds herself in bed with them. Sex has become her interface with the world.\n* An explanation of how many therapeutic models still pathologize sexual aversion and compulsion as types of \"dysfunction,\" but that this framework says that something is \"wrong\" with the survivor instead of seeing their sexual strategies as creative means of survival. Whether the survivor has leaned toward sexual avoidance or sexual compulsion, they've done whatever they needed to do to survive. These choices were intelligent at the time. They were survival-smart. Congratulate yourself.", "response": "\n\nchapter four\n\nSelf-Denial\n\nSelf-denial is not behaving in accordance with your needs and desires. Self-denial is brushing your wants under the rug over and over again, not putting in your two cents' worth, not asking the world to include and adjust to you, too. Self-denial is not letting you be you.\n\n> > I know what I want sexually, but I am too afraid to ask or say. I feel like I am imposing. Like I am not supposed to have needs or desires.\n> \n> Hannah\n\nBeing sexually abused as a kid teaches you that your needs and desires are unimportant and that your body and sexuality exist for someone else's use. Abuse tells you that your boundaries are wrong\u2014or at least ineffectual. After childhood sexual abuse, many survivors are left feeling little or no permission to have desires, needs, or boundaries, or to take up space.\n\n> > I don't assume I deserve anything, really. I adjust to the room I'm in and the people I am with. I think I am always watching for how I am supposed to act so that I won't be hurt again.\n\nMimi\n\nSexual abuse tells you that you are not supposed to be delighted and fulfilled. You may feel guilty when you feel pleasure, thinking that you must be bad or that your pleasure denies someone else theirs. Shame, self-blame, and suffering become familiar, and pleasure and fulfillment become suspect.\n\nAs a survivor, you may find that you deny or minimize your sexuality altogether. Or you may find that sex is all you think you are good for. Respectively, these are called sexual aversion and sexual compulsion.\n\n> > All I want to do is get sex away from me. I do not want to have sex or to be sexual. I think that the world would be a better place if sex did not exist. I could feel safe then.\n> \n> Amy\n>\n>> Sex is what I know best. It is the way I know how to interact; sometimes it seems like the only way I know. When I want comfort, I have sex. When I am lonely, I have sex. Sometimes when I am hungry, I have sex to try to deal with it. When I just want to get to know someone as a friend, I find myself in bed with them. Sex has become my interface with the world.\n> \n> Maggie\n\nMany therapeutic models still pathologize sexual aversion and compulsion as types of \"dysfunction.\" This framework says that something is \"wrong\" with you, instead of as seeing your sexual strategies as creative means of survival. Whether you've leaned toward sexual avoidance or sexual compulsion, you've done whatever you needed to do to survive. These choices were intelligent at the time. They were survival-smart. Congratulate yourself.\n"}
{"input": "  Write a section titled \"Survival Is a Powerful Act\" for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation of how survivors often have a lot of self-judgment about their own sexuality and how they may be angry at themselves for avoiding sex for so many years or pissed about how many times they have had sex when they needed something else instead.\n* An explanation of how recovery asks survivors to hold the contradiction of having acted in ways that have hurt them while they were attempting to achieve some kind of self-preservation.\n* An assertion that whatever survivors did to survive sexual abuse, to be able to go on, is powerful. If avoiding sex helped them to stay safe, that's okay. If they had sex when and with people they did not want, that's okay. The section should encourage nurturing both self-compassion for past choices and responsibility for taking care of oneself now.\n* A quote from Melanie about how she knew that she didn't want to have sex with all the men she was having sex with, but she didn't know how to stop. She would tell herself that she wouldn't have sex with them, but would find herself in bed with them. She was so hard on herself for doing this and felt like she was permanently flawed.\n* A quote from Laurie about how she felt ashamed after a while that she wasn't interested in sex at all and how it seemed the entire world revolved around this thing she couldn't relate to. She sometimes felt superior and at the same time damaged\u2014like what is wrong with her?", "response": "\n\n#  Survival Is a Powerful Act\n\nSurvivors often have a lot of self-judgment about their own sexuality. You may be angry at yourself for avoiding sex for so many years or pissed about how many times you have had sex when you needed something else instead. It can be hard to accept our own survival strategies. Recovery asks us to hold the contradiction of having acted in ways that have hurt us while we were attempting to achieve some kind of self-preservation.\n\nWhatever you did to survive sexual abuse, to be able to go on, is powerful. If avoiding sex helped you to stay safe, that's okay. If you had sex when and with people you did not want, that's okay. Nurture both self-compassion for your past choices and responsibility for taking care of yourself now.\n\n> > I knew that I didn't want to have sex with all the men I was having sex with, but I didn't know how to stop. I would tell myself, \"Not this time, this time I'm not going to have sex with him,\" and would find myself in bed with him. I was so hard on myself for doing this. It felt like I was permanently flawed.\n> \n> Melanie\n\n> I felt ashamed after a while that I wasn't interested in sex at all. It seemed the entire world revolved around this thing I couldn't relate to. I sometimes felt superior and at the same time damaged\u2014like what is wrong with me?\n\nLaurie\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Sexual Aversion: Who Needs Sex, Anyway?\" for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* A quote from Marianne about how after her grandfather started molesting her, she became hypersensitive to anything sexual and how she couldn't make him stop, but she sure as hell was not going to let anyone else touch her. She became rigid and afraid of anything sexual.\n* An explanation of how many survivors attempt to manage the intensity of emotion, triggers, and memories that can come up during sex by avoiding sex altogether.\n* A quote from Danielle about how it took her a lot of healing to get down into what drove her disinterest in sex and how keeping sex out of her life for the most part was helping her avoid all of those feelings.\n* An explanation of how by avoiding sex, survivors may also think they can avoid destructive beliefs about themselves that they learned from the abuse and how avoiding their sexuality could seem to help them avoid the deep shame and guilt that comes with that.\n* A quote from Rona about how her guilt about the sexual abuse runs so deep and if she has a good time sexually, she feels like she is betraying someone or it proves that she wanted the abuse all along.\n* An explanation of how survivors may be afraid that if they express their sexual energy it will be too big or overwhelming and harm them or someone else and how they may associate sex and being turned on with perpetration.\n* A quote from Stephanie about how there is a certain amount of intensity in her sexuality and she gets afraid that the intensity will verge on rage and how she tries to keep herself under lock and key and whether she is trustworthy or will be just like the perpetrators.\n* An explanation of how survivors may be sexual but not fully expressing the sexual energy that is theirs and how this too becomes a type of sexual aversion, a denial of their sexuality.\n* A quote from Max about how he used to let his relationships define his sexuality and if his lover wasn't into penetration, then it didn't happen much and if his lover recoiled at the thought of vibrators and dildos, then his sex toys stayed hidden in the bureau drawer.\n* An explanation of how survivors may be sexual only with people they are not intimate with and find it difficult to sustain a sexual relationship with someone they are very close to and how having sex with a confidant, lover, or partner is too dangerous.\n* A quote from Debbie about how she loves her lover and they have been together seven years and how she just can't sustain a sexual relationship with him and how they have sex and she feels horrible, afraid, and like she needs to run away.\n* A quote from Melanie about how she got to a point in her relationship where she didn't want to have sex at all anymore and how the closer she got to her partner, the more she felt like family, and the more repulsed she became by sex and how she took a break from sex and then extended the break, but it wasn't helping and how she wasn't getting closer to wanting sex or feeling better and how she was just continuing to avoid dealing with combining intimacy and sex and how the little girl in her just wanted to finally be loved for herself instead of for sex.", "response": "\n\n#  Sexual Aversion: Who Needs Sex, Anyway?\n\n> > After my grandfather started molesting me I became hypersensitive to anything sexual. I couldn't make him stop, but I sure as hell was not going to let anyone else touch me. I became rigid and afraid of anything sexual.\n> \n> Marianne\n\nMany survivors attempt to manage the intensity of emotion, triggers, and memories that can come up during sex by avoiding sex altogether.\n\n> > It took me a lot of healing to get down into what drove my disinterest in sex. I knew it was related to the incest, but I only got it in my head, which wasn't allowing me to change much. Finally, I connected to the feelings of it all. Being sexual and opening sexually revealed to me the devastating pain and grief of the abuse. Keeping sex out of my life for the most part was helping me avoid all of those feelings. To be sexual I needed to also feel the impact of the abuse and heal there.\n> \n> Danielle\n\nBy avoiding sex, you may also think you can avoid destructive beliefs about yourself that you learned from the abuse. If you were taught that you are only good for sex, avoiding sex could seem to prove that this is not true. If you were taught that the abuse was all your fault, avoiding your sexuality could seem to help you avoid the deep shame and guilt that comes with that.\n\n> > My guilt about the sexual abuse runs so deep. If I have a good time sexually, I feel like I am betraying someone\u2014or it proves that I wanted the abuse all along. It is easier not to have sex.\n> \n> Rona\n\nYou may be afraid that if you express your sexual energy it will be too big or overwhelming and harm you or someone else. You may associate sex and being turned on with perpetration. You may associate your own sexual expression with being abusive.\n\n> > There is a certain amount of intensity in my sexuality. I get afraid that the intensity will verge on rage. I have never hurt someone else sexually, but I try to keep myself under lock and key. Am I trustworthy, or will I be just like them [the perpetrators]?\n> \n> Stephanie\n\nYou may be sexual but not fully expressing the sexual energy that is yours. This too becomes a type of sexual aversion, a denial of your sexuality.\n\n> > I used to let my relationships define my sexuality. If my lover wasn't into penetration, then it didn't happen much. If my lover recoiled at the thought of vibrators and dildos, then my sex toys stayed hidden in the bureau drawer.\n> \n> Max\n\nFinally, you may be sexual only with people you are not intimate with, finding it difficult to sustain a sexual relationship with someone you are very close to. You may feel that having sex with a confidant, lover, or partner is too dangerous.\n\n> > I love my lover. We have been together seven years. I just can't sustain a sexual relationship with him. We have sex, and I feel horrible, afraid, and like I need to run away.\n\nDebbie\n\n> I got to a point in my relationship where I didn't want to have sex at all anymore.  \n>  The closer I got to my partner, the more she felt like family, and the more repulsed  \n>  I became by sex. I took a break from sex, and then extended the break, but it  \n>  wasn't helping. I wasn't getting closer to wanting sex or feeling better. I was just  \n>  continuing to avoid dealing with combining intimacy and sex. The little girl in me  \n>  just wanted to finally be loved for herself instead of for sex.  \n> \n\nMelanie\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"What Are You Missing? The Costs of Aversion\" for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation of how while avoiding sex and your sexuality can seem like a good strategy for survival, the costs can be high and how staying away from erotic feelings, masturbation, and sex separates you from a powerful part of yourself.\n* An explanation of how you lose a part of yourself that could feed vitality and energy into every aspect of your life and how by avoiding sex, you lose a very deep means of connecting with yourself and others, not to mention the delight, joy, and fun that sex can bring you.\n* An explanation of how perhaps more important, in avoiding sex, you communicate to yourself that you can't handle it, that the sexual abuse is bigger than you, and that sex is too much or too overwhelming for you and how sexual aversion keeps sex locked into the \"Danger! Don't go there!\" closet.\n* A quote from Maria about how she wants to collapse around sex and how it feels big.\n* An explanation of how avoiding sex can feel like the best way to stay safe on a very visceral level and how sex was what was used to abuse you, so avoiding the weapon seems like a great strategy.\n* An explanation of how by avoiding your sexuality you can also trick yourself into thinking that you can avoid dealing with your history of sexual abuse and if you do not engage sexually, you may successfully avoid the triggers, flashbacks, and memories that sex can evoke but you will have less and less room for yourself and the sexual abuse will continue to run the show.\n* An explanation of how your own sexual energy is not too big for you now and how you can learn how to embrace the sensations, the excitement, and, eventually, the delight of your sexuality and how you can also build a capacity to be able to process the triggers that may emerge as you open to your own sexuality.\n* An explanation of how your sexuality did not cause anyone to harm you and how the abuse was the responsibility of those who harmed you and how your sexuality, no matter what they told you, is not at fault for your having been sexually abused as a child.", "response": "\n\n##  What Are You Missing? The Costs of Aversion\n\nWhile avoiding sex and your sexuality can seem like a good strategy for survival, the costs can be high. Staying away from erotic feelings, masturbation, and sex separates you from a powerful part of yourself. You lose a part of yourself that could feed vitality and energy into every aspect of your life. By avoiding sex, you lose a very deep means of connecting with yourself and others, not to mention the delight, joy, and fun that sex can bring you.\n\nPerhaps more important, in avoiding sex, you communicate to yourself that you can't handle it, that the sexual abuse is bigger than you, and that sex is too much or too overwhelming for you. Sexual aversion keeps sex locked into the \"Danger! Don't go there!\" closet. While the sexual abuse was overwhelming and destructive and did control you at the time, your own sexuality and sexual expression are gifts that can help you heal now.\n\n> > I want to collapse around sex. I feel small and it feels big.\n> \n> Maria\n\nAvoiding sex can feel like the best way to stay safe on a very visceral level. Sex was what was used to abuse you, so avoiding the weapon seems like a great strategy. But by avoiding your sexuality you can also trick yourself into thinking that you can avoid dealing with your history of sexual abuse. If you do not engage sexually, you may successfully avoid the triggers, flashbacks, and memories that sex can evoke. But you will have less and less room for you. The sexual abuse will continue to run the show.\n\nYour own sexual energy is not too big for you now. You can learn how to embrace the sensations, the excitement, and, eventually, the delight of your sexuality. You can also build a capacity to be able to process the triggers that may emerge as you open to your own sexuality. Yes, this is difficult. But if you are not making your own choices about your sexuality, who is controlling it for you?\n\nYour sexuality did not cause anyone to harm you. The abuse was the responsibility of those who harmed you. Your sexuality, no matter what they told you, is not at fault for your having been sexually abused as a child.\n"}
{"input": "  Write a section titled \"Sexual Compulsion: Sex As the Only Way\" for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation of how society teaches that sex is bad and how if a woman wants a lot of sex, something must be wrong with her and how this can lead to sexual expression being misinterpreted as sexual compulsion.\n* An explanation of how some survivors may go through a period in their sexual recovery during which sex may feel compulsive and how this may be a phase of sexual healing or discovery that can be left alone and weathered.\n* A quote from Aurora about her experience with masturbating all the time and using fantasies of the abuse while she masturbated and how she learned a lot about her sexuality, sex toys, and phone sex.\n* An explanation of sexual compulsion as a real lack of choice and the inability to say \"no\" and how it is not the same as expressing your self-defined sexuality.\n* A quote from Maggie about how she would have sex a lot and feel cheap, used, and dirty afterward and how she is just figuring out that she feels this way when she doesn't recognize her own wants and boundaries.\n* An explanation of how for some survivors who struggle with sexual compulsion, sex becomes one of the only means by which they feel worthy or able to interact with another person and how they may be having sex to fill needs that are not necessarily sexual.\n* A quote from Hannah about how she does not know that she is loved unless someone is having sex with her and how once they are having sex, she thinks that is all they want her for.\n* An explanation of how survivors of childhood sexual abuse can use sex as a way of avoiding feelings and staying dissociated and how in this way, sex is used as a distraction or filler in an attempt to cope.\n* A quote from Cindy about how sex became like alcohol for her and how it helped her get away from the pain, but acted out the pain at the same time.\n* An explanation of how incest and childhood sexual abuse destroy appropriate boundaries and how some survivors attempt to live within their own destruction.\n* A quote from Stephanie about how after a while she figured it just didn't matter and how she had sex with whoever.\n* A quote from Lourdes about how she started being sexually aggressive with just about everyone in her life and how she derived a strange sense of power from it all and how her self-worth became completely entwined with people desiring her.\n* An explanation of how you may be trying to work through the trauma by replaying it and how this doesn't heal the abuse, rather it keeps you stuck and not finding a way out.", "response": "\n\n#  Sexual Compulsion: Sex As the Only Way\n\nWe are taught that sex is bad, and that if you are a woman and want a lot of sex\u2014or even any sex at all\u2014something must be wrong with you. I have heard many a survivor say that she was \"acting out\" when in fact she was expressing her self-defined sexuality. We have so few models for sexually empowered women that our sexual expression can be easily misinterpreted as sexual compulsion. As I talk about sexual compulsion, I am not referring to your fullest sexual expression. This is welcomed and encouraged. You may find that you are interested in sex more often than the culture deems \"appropriate\" for women. Again, sexual healing is about creating a sexuality based upon your own needs and desires, a sexuality of your choosing.\n\nSome survivors go through a period in their sexual recovery during which sex may feel compulsive. This may be a phase of sexual healing or discovery that can be left alone and weathered. One woman describes her experience:\n\n> > During one part of my healing, I was masturbating all the time. I was using fantasies of the abuse while I masturbated. I am so glad that my therapist just hung with me through it. She didn't judge me or tell me to get over it. Her sense was that I would ride it through, and I did. I learned a lot about my sexuality, sex toys, and phone sex. My sexual partner and I had a lot of phone sex that was really hot. I used the abuse fantasies until they weren't interesting anymore. Somehow all of that was a part of opening up my sexuality.\n> \n> Aurora\n\nSexual compulsion, on the other hand, is a real lack of choice. It is the inability to say \"no\"\u2014or to even know how to make a conscious decision regarding sexual choices. You may be so checked out of your body that you only realize after the fact that you did not want the sex you just had. To truly consent, you need to be embodied and know how to say \"yes,\" \"no,\" and \"maybe.\"\n\n> > I had sex a lot. In the moment it seemed fine, but afterward, I would feel cheap, used, and dirty. I am just figuring out that I feel like this when I don't recognize my own wants and boundaries.\n> \n> Maggie\n\nFor some survivors who struggle with sexual compulsion, sex becomes one of the only means by which they feel worthy or able to interact with another person. If you struggle with this, you may be having sex to fill needs that are not necessarily sexual, such as needs for physical contact, intimacy, and self-worth. You may be having sex because you are hungry or because you need to be held. You may not realize that these needs can be met in other ways or that you are worthy of having your needs met at all.\n\n> > I do not know that I am loved unless someone is having sex with me. Of course, once we are having sex, I think that is all they want me for. It's a catch-22.\n> \n> Hannah\n\nSurvivors of childhood sexual abuse can use sex as a way of avoiding feelings and staying dissociated. In this way, sex is used as a distraction or filler in an attempt to cope.\n\n> > Sex became like alcohol for me. I couldn't cope with my life and with the abuse, so I'd go have sex instead. This made me feel better for a time, like a high, and then things would get worse. Sex was my enemy and my fix. It helped me get away from the pain, but acted out the pain at the same time.\n\nCindy\n\nIncest and childhood sexual abuse destroy appropriate boundaries. Your physical, sexual, and emotional boundaries were shattered by abuse. To remain intact, some survivors attempt to live within their own destruction.\n\n> > After awhile I figured it just didn't matter. My uncle and my dad were having sex with me, so that was what you do, right? I had sex with whoever.\n> \n> Stephanie\n>\n>> It got to a point in the abuse where I couldn't deal anymore. I thought, \"So if  \n>  this is what it's all about, fuck it! I'll play your game first.\" That is when I  \n>  started being sexually aggressive with just about everyone in my life. I was  \n>  known as the girl to go to in high school if you wanted to know anything about  \n>  sex. Of course, I was also known as a slut. I derived this strange sense of power  \n>  from it all. My self-worth became completely entwined with people desiring me.  \n>  Essentially, I felt like I wasn't good for anything but sex.  \n> \n> \n> Lourdes\n\nYou may be trying to work through the trauma by replaying it. This doesn't heal the abuse, rather it keeps you stuck, doing the same thing over and over, and not finding a way out.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"What Are You Missing? The Costs of Compulsion\" for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation of how the biggest cost of sexual compulsion is your own sexuality and how sexual compulsion is not an expression of your own sexuality.\n* A quote from Carolyn about how she thought she was just really sexually active but she notices that mostly she is spaced out when she is sexual and how she doesn't think sex is bad, yet she is not really there.\n* An explanation of how another cost of sexual compulsion can be your self-esteem and how when you have sex that you don't really want, you undermine yourself and you trust yourself less because you are not acting on your own behalf.\n* A quote from Cindy about how in some ways the incest just goes on and on and how she consents now with her words, but she is saying \"yes\" to things she does not want and how she just wants to be close, and she ends up feeling so alone.\n* An explanation of how your physical health can be another cost of sexual compulsion and how if you are unable to say \"no\" to unwanted sex, you may also be unable to say \"no\" to unprotected sex.\n* Information about how having unprotected sex can put you at risk for sexually transmitted diseases, including chlamydia, vaginal warts, herpes, and HIV.\n* An explanation of how it is essential to practice safer sex using condoms, dental dams, the female condom, latex gloves, or nonlatex substitutes, whether you prefer numerous partners or serial monogamy.\n* An explanation of how through sexual compulsion you continue to have sex that it checked-out, keeping you out of your body and emotions and how this keeps you out of your sexual healing, too.", "response": "\n\n##  What Are You Missing? The Costs of Compulsion\n\nPerhaps the biggest cost of sexual compulsion is your own sexuality. While you may look like a sexually expressive woman, sexual compulsion is not an expression of your own sexuality. While you may convince yourself that you want the sex you are having, you are not really making choices based upon your own needs and boundaries. Sexual compulsion runs you\u2014you don't run it. An old survival mechanism is still at play.\n\n> > I thought I was just really sexually active. I notice though that mostly I am  \n>  spaced out when I am sexual. I don't think sex is bad, yet I am not really there.  \n>  Who is having sex when I am having sex? I'm not sure.  \n> \n> \n> Carolyn\n\nAnother cost of sexual compulsion can be your self-esteem. When you have sex that you don't really want, you undermine yourself. You trust yourself less because you are not acting on your own behalf. This is exactly the behavior you learned as a child. You are not bad for doing it, but it does not serve you any longer.\n\n> > In some ways the incest just goes on and on. Yes, I \"consent\" now with my words, but I am saying \"yes\" to things I do not want. I just want to be close, and I end up feeling so alone.\n> \n> Cindy\n> \n> Your physical health can be another cost of sexual compulsion. If you are unable to say \"no\" to unwanted sex, you may also be unable to say \"no\" to unprotected sex. Having unprotected sex can put you at risk for sexually transmitted diseases, including chlamydia, vaginal warts, herpes, and HIV. Whether you prefer numerous partners or serial monogamy, it is essential to practice safer sex using condoms, dental dams, the female condom, latex gloves, or nonlatex substitutes. \n> \n> Finally, through sexual compulsion you continue to have sex that it checked-out, keeping you out of your body and emotions. This keeps you out of your sexual healing, too.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Recovering from Sexual Aversion\" for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An encouragement to focus on recovery from sexual aversion and to go slowly.\n* An explanation of the importance of exploring the ways avoiding sex has served the reader and how it has protected or helped them.\n* A request for the reader to explore what being sexual or turned on means to them and to make a list entitled \"Sex is\u2026\" or \"Sex equals\u2026\"\n* An explanation of how to determine which of these associations are inherent to sexual abuse and which of them are inherent to consensual sexual expression.\n* A prompt for the reader to consider what would be the worst possible outcome if they moved toward sex and their sexuality and what are they most afraid of.\n* A prompt for the reader to consider what would be the best possible outcome if they began to explore their sexuality.\n* A recommendation for the reader to educate themselves about their own sexuality and safer-sex practices.\n* An explanation of how sexual avoidance is really another form of dissociating or staying out of your body and how recovering from sexual avoidance means learning to tolerate the physical sensations and emotions that emerge when you are sexual.\n* Information about how the pelvic rock and genital healing exercises in chapter 2 and the embodiment exercises in chapter 3 can help the reader learn to stay with and come to enjoy the feelings of sex and their sexuality.\n* A recommendation for the reader to use masturbation as a tool for re-engaging with their sexual expression and an explanation of how masturbation is not just about getting off.\n* A warning that when the reader opens to their sexuality, they may experience a surge of energy that is unfamiliar to them and how this is normal and a sign of progress.\n* A quote from Sheila about how she suddenly felt sexual all the time and how it was like she thought about sex, read about it, and felt it in her body twenty hours a day.\n\nNote: These prompts are detailed and include specific quotes and chapter references. They are meant to generate a specific section of the story and may not be suitable for other purposes.", "response": "\n\n##  Recovering from Sexual Aversion\n\nWhen you focus on your recovery from sexual aversion, you propel your healing forward. As you do this, go slowly. If sex has been something you have avoided, you may be unfamiliar with your sexual desires and how to act and interact sexually.\n\nStart by exploring the ways avoiding sex has served you. How has getting away from your sexuality protected or helped you? One workshop participant noted, \"Staying away from sex helps me stay away from a huge sense of failure and loss. When I get sexual, I feel awful.\"\n\nNext, explore what being sexual or turned on means to you. What do you associate with sex? Make a list entitled \"Sex is\u2026\" or \"Sex equals\u2026\" Your responses do not need to be logical or even make sense. Just look at what is tied up with sex for you. One survivor wrote, \"Sex is hate, fear, and betrayal to me\u2026No wonder I don't want to have it.\" Once you have made the list, try to determine which of these associations are inherent to sexual abuse and which of them are inherent to consensual sexual expression.\n\nConsider what would be the worst possible outcome if you moved toward sex and your sexuality. What are you most afraid of? Then consider what would be the best possible outcome if you began to explore your sexuality.\n\nNow, educate yourself. If you have been avoiding sex, you may be in need of information about your own sexuality and safer-sex practices. Seeking out this information in the form of books, magazines, audiotapes, and videos can give you models upon which to build a sexuality that works for you. See the Resources section of this book for suggestions.\n\nSexual avoidance is really another form of dissociating or staying out of your body. Recovering from sexual avoidance means learning to tolerate the physical sensations and emotions that emerge when you are sexual. As you stay with the feelings and sensations, they will change, releasing the old trauma and letting you have your sexuality today. The pelvic rock and genital healing exercises in chapter 2 and the embodiment exercises in chapter 3 can help you learn to stay with and come to enjoy the feelings of sex and your sexuality.\n\nYou'll also find that masturbation is a wonderful tool for re-engaging with your sexual expression. Masturbation is not just about getting off. Through masturbation you can learn how to touch and love your body, discover your interests and desires, and learn about your own sensations and sexual energy. Chapter 5 is dedicated to the subject of self-loving.\n\nWhen you open to your sexuality, you may experience a surge of energy that is unfamiliar to you. Your new sexual feelings may be unsettling. This is normal. In fact, it's progress! When you open to your own sexual desires and energy at a deeper level, you reorganize yourself.\n\n> > Suddenly I felt sexual all the time. It was like I thought about sex, read about it, and felt it in my body twenty hours a day. I got nervous, worried I might become a nympho. This settled down after about a month. I had somehow opened up a door that had been long shut, and all the pressure needed to be released.\n> \n> Sheila\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Recovering from Sexual Compulsion\" for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation of what the reader can gain by healing their sexual compulsion, including the ability to choose whether they want to be sexual, with whom, when, where, and exactly what kind of sex they'd like to have.\n* An explanation that healing compulsion means the reader can be fully in their body and be sexual and that they can choose to not be sexual and still know they are loved and worthy.\n* A prompt for the reader to consider how sexual compulsion has served them, what it does for them, and what painful emotions it helps them avoid.\n* A prompt for the reader to determine what needs they are trying to fill when they have sex and which of these needs are sexual and which are not.\n* A prompt for the reader to consider whether there are particular abuse experiences that set them up to act compulsively.\n* A request for the reader to consider what they are most afraid of in healing their sexual compulsion and what they are most looking forward to.\n* A recommendation for the reader to educate themselves about their own sexuality by talking to friends, especially other survivors, and reading real-life stories instead of porn.\n* A reminder that they can find a bibliography in the Resources section of the book.\n\nNote: These prompts are detailed and include specific quotes and chapter references. They are meant to generate a specific section of the story and may not be suitable for other purposes.", "response": "\n\n##  Recovering from Sexual Compulsion\n\nWhat can you gain by healing your sexual compulsion? You gain your own sexuality on your own terms for possibly the first time in your life. This means that you get to choose whether you want to be sexual, with whom, when, where, and exactly what kind of sex you'd like to have. You can be fully in your body and be sexual. Healing compulsion also means you get to choose to not be sexual and still know you are loved and worthy. You get to take care of yourself based on your own needs and desires, instead of the needs and desires of another.\n\nJust as with sexual avoidance, sexual compulsion has in some way benefited you. Do you know how sexual compulsion has served you? What does this compulsion do for you? What painful emotions does the compulsion help you avoid? What does it help you not face or feel? One survivor shared, \"Having a lot of sex makes me feel powerful and keeps me from feeling the powerlessness I felt about what my granddad did.\"\n\nWhat needs are you trying to fill when you have sex? Which of these needs are sexual and which are not? Are there particular abuse experiences that set you up to act compulsively?\n\nWhat are you most afraid of in healing your sexual compulsion? What are you most looking forward to?\n\nNow, educate yourself. If you have been acting compulsively with sex, you may not know when to be sexual and when not to, when sex takes care of you and when it doesn't. Talk to your friends, especially other survivors. What do they look for in sex? When do they say \"no\"? When do they say \"yes\"? You can also read about other folks' sexual expression and experiences. Read real-life stories instead of porn, as they will be more realistic. You'll find a bibliography in the Resources section of this book.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Embodiment, Needs, and Boundaries\" for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation that sexual compulsion is a way to remain out of one's body, and that through recovery, the reader will learn how to feel the terror instead of distracting themselves from it.\n* A reminder that Chapter 3 on dissociation describes exercises to help the reader stay with their feelings and sensations, which will change and release the old trauma, allowing them to choose sex on terms that take care of them.\n* A statement that through recovery, the reader will learn to be embodied when they are sexual and to have nonsexual needs met directly in nonsexual ways.\n* A reminder that Chapter 7 is devoted to embodied consent and features exercises on boundaries and the \"yes,\" \"no,\" and \"maybe\" of sex, which are useful in healing sexual compulsion.\n* A suggestion for the reader to consider taking some time off from sex altogether while they are healing from sexual compulsion. This break from sex could be a week, a month, or a year. The reader should choose a length of time that is realistic for them. During this time out from sex, the reader should see what comes up for them. What feelings or memories emerge? Who are they beyond sex?\n* A statement that healing sexual compulsion gives the reader an opportunity to take care of themselves and to truly heal and regain their life and their own sexuality.\n\nNote: These prompts are detailed and include specific quotes and chapter references. They are meant to generate a specific section of the story and may not be suitable for other purposes.", "response": "\n\n##  Embodiment, Needs, and Boundaries\n\nAs with sexual avoidance, sexual compulsion is a way to remain out of your body. You may feel terrified or ashamed when you say \"no\" to sex or set a sexual boundary. Through recovery, you will learn how to feel the terror instead of distracting yourself from it. As you stay with the feelings and sensations, they will change, releasing the old trauma and letting you choose sex on terms that take care of you.\n\nChapter 3 on dissociation describes exercises to help you do this. Through recovery you will learn to be embodied when you are sexual and to have nonsexual needs met directly in nonsexual ways. \"No\" can become as easy to say as \"yes.\" Chapter 7 is devoted to embodied consent. It features exercises on boundaries and the \"yes,\" \"no,\" and \"maybe\" of sex, which are useful in healing sexual compulsion.\n\nWhile you are healing from sexual compulsion, you may want to consider taking some time off from sex altogether. You may choose to stop being sexual with others or to quit masturbating. A break from sex could be a week, a month, or a year. Choose a length of time that is realistic for you. In this time out from sex, see what comes up for you. What feelings or memories emerge? Who are you beyond sex?\n\nHealing sexual compulsion gives you an opportunity to take care of yourself. As you stop using sex as a means to hold the hurt of the sexual abuse at bay, you also get the opportunity to truly heal and regain your life and your own sexuality.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Sexual Addiction Model\" for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An introduction of the addiction model for addressing sexual compulsion, noting that some survivors find it useful, while others have found it disempowering.\n* A mention of Twelve-Step programs like Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) that deal specifically with sexual aversion and compulsion from an addiction model.\n* A quote from a survivor named Lenore who has done Twelve-Step recovery around their sexual stuff. Lenore mentions that meetings are a place for them to get their bearings and support, and that they don't get judged if they mess up.\n* A quote from a survivor named Kate who shares that they were not addicted to love and sex, but rather acting out what happened to them. Kate mentions that as they dealt with their stepfather's abuse, they found boundaries and a kind of self-respect that let them start making choices sexually that took care of all of them. Kate concludes that calling it addiction makes them feel like something is wrong with them, and that they were surviving how they knew, and now healing is helping them find better and better options.\n\nNote: These prompts are detailed and include specific quotes and program references. They are meant to generate a specific section of the story and may not be suitable for other purposes.", "response": "\n\n##  Sexual Addiction Model\n\nSome survivors find the addiction model of Twelve-Step programs useful in addressing sexual compulsion, while others have found it disempowering. Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) is a Twelve-Step program that deals specifically with sexual aversion and compulsion from an addiction model.\n\n> > I have done Twelve-Step recovery around my sexual stuff. Meetings are a place for me to get my bearings and support. They help me remember what is important to me, and I don't get judged if I mess up.\n> \n> Lenore\n>\n>> I was not addicted to love and sex, but rather acting out what happened to  \n>  me. I was continuing to do what was done to me as a child. The more I dealt  \n>  with my stepfather's abuse, the more I found boundaries and a kind of self-respect  \n>  that let me start making choices sexually that took care of all of me.  \n>  Calling it addiction, to me, makes me feel like something is wrong with me.  \n>  This is my own body and my own energy that someone else harmed. I was  \n>  surviving how I knew, and now healing is helping me find better and better  \n>  options.  \n> \n> \n> Kate\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Choosing Celibacy\" for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An introduction to the concept of choosing not to be sexual for periods of time as a useful tool in the journey of healing from child sexual abuse.\n* A mention of reasons why one might choose celibacy for a time, such as frequent flashbacks to sexual abuse or a general hatred of sex.\n* A suggestion to try being intimate with oneself or a partner without being sexual if one notices that they are having sex when they don't want to.\n* A quote from a survivor named Jo who describes their experience of taking breaks from sex with their partner that lasted between six and nine months each, after dealing with memories of incest and ritual abuse.\n* A quote from a survivor named Rona who shares their experience of feeling guilty about not being sexual with their husband and wanting to show him that they loved him, which led to self-destructive behavior. Rona negotiated three months off from sex to renegotiate how they felt about it.\n* A clarification that being celibate is a valid sexual choice, and that celibacy can mean refraining from all overt sexual expression or being sexual with oneself while not having sex with others.\n* A warning that celibacy can be used to mask an avoidance of the pain and hurt of sexual abuse, and a reminder to ensure that celibacy is a true choice rather than an avoidance tactic.", "response": "\n\n##  Choosing Celibacy\n\nChoosing not to be sexual for periods of time can be useful in the journey of healing from child sexual abuse. If flashbacks to the sexual abuse are coming regularly, or if you feel like you hate sex, you might choose celibacy for a time. If you notice that you are having sex with yourself or a partner when you don't want to, try being intimate with yourself (or your partner) without being sexual.\n\n> > My partner and I are both survivors. I started dealing with my incest and ritual abuse four years into our relationship. Our sex life had actually been pretty good before that, but when all the memories came, I lost interest altogether. Sex and abuse got all mixed up inside of me, and I just didn't want anything to do with it. We ended up taking a couple of breaks from sex that lasted between six and nine months each.\n> \n> Jo\n>\n>> I kept having sex with my husband when I didn't want to. It wasn't him who  \n>  was pushing me to do this. I would feel guilty about not being sexual with him  \n>  and wanted to show him that I loved him and wanted him. This became really  \n>  self-destructive and of course had an adverse affect on how I felt about him.  \n>  Finally, I got the courage to negotiate three months off from sex\u2026 At the end of  \n>  three months, we are going to check in to see how this is going and renegotiate  \n>  from there.  \n> \n> \n> Rona\n\nBeing celibate is a valid sexual choice. Celibacy can mean refraining from all overt sexual expression or being sexual with yourself while not having sex with others. You can be celibate for a period of time or as a lifelong choice. My concern about celibacy for survivors is that it can be used to mask an avoidance of the pain and hurt of the sexual abuse. If you are celibate because you don't know how to embrace your sexuality in a way that enhances and vitalizes your life, then celibacy is not a choice. When opting for celibacy, just make sure it is really a choice.\n"}
{"input": "  Write a section titled \"The End of Self-Denial\" for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An introduction to the concept of ending self-denial as a means of restoring balance in one's life.\n* A clarification that ending self-denial does not mean becoming a selfish or hedonistic individual, but rather respecting oneself deeply and being in balance.\n* An explanation of how respecting oneself deeply also allows one to respect others.", "response": "\n\n#  The End of Self-Denial\n\nEnding self-denial does not mean you will become some hedonistic individual just out for herself. Ending self-denial, rather, means bringing yourself back into balance. It means respecting yourself deeply, which also allows you to respect others.\n"}
{"input": "   Write a section titled \"Sex Guide Exercises\" for \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* A series of exercises designed to help survivors of sexual abuse better understand and manage their sexuality.\n* The first exercise asks the reader to consider where they fall on the scale of sexual aversion and sexual compulsion, and then list three instances when they avoided their sexuality and/or had compulsive sex.\n* The second exercise asks the reader to reflect on the emotions they are trying to manage through sexual compulsion or aversion.", "response": "\n\n#  Sex Guide Exercises\n\n> 1\\. Where do you fall on the scale of sexual aversion/sexual compulsion? List three instances when you avoided your sexuality and/or three instances when you had compulsive sex.\n\n> 2\\. What emotions are you trying to manage through sexual compulsion or aversion?\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Sexual Response and Anatomy: Information Is Power\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An introduction that acknowledges the negative impact of childhood sexual abuse on learning about sex and emphasizes the importance of continuous learning about sex for survivors of sexual abuse.\n* A statement highlighting the purpose of the chapter, which is to provide comprehensive information about the reader's body and the sexual response cycle.", "response": "\n\nchapter five\n\nSexual Response and Anatomy: Information Is Power\n\nChildhood sexual abuse is about the worst way to learn about sex. Unfortunately, this is most likely the way that you were first exposed to sex\u2014not what you would call a sex-positive sex education! Learning and relearning about sex is a lifelong endeavor for everyone, but it is especially so for survivors of sexual abuse. To help you along the way, this chapter is chock-full of information about your body and the sexual response cycle.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Where Did You Learn That?\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* A personal anecdote about a customer at Good Vibrations asking for information about their body, emphasizing the importance of learning about one's own body.\n* A series of questions for the reader asking them to reflect on their knowledge about their sexual anatomy, when they first learned about their clitoris, and where they obtained their information about sex and sexual arousal.\n* An explanation of how peers are often the primary source of information about sex in youth, and the consequences of learning from under-educated sources.\n* A discussion about the media as a secondary source of information about one's body and sexuality, highlighting the varying accuracy and positivity of these messages.\n* Encouragement for those who have found quality sex information, whether it comes from recent sex-positive books, supportive partners, or friends.\n* A statement emphasizing the importance of knowing one's own body and sexuality in order to guide others toward their pleasure, and the power of information in this context. Offer the chapter as a friendly resource for those who have not had access to helpful sex information.", "response": "\n\n#  Where Did You Learn That?\n\nI remember the first time a customer at Good Vibrations asked me where her clitoris was. I was both stunned and glad she had the courage to ask. Over time, I've learned that this was not an unusual situation. If no one teaches you or encourages you to learn about your own body, there is no reason you would know.\n\nWhat do you know about your sexual anatomy? When did you first learn about your clitoris? Where did you get your information about sex and sexual arousal?\n\nStudies show that most people learn about sex from their peers in their youth. So what we didn't learn from our abusers, we learned from a bunch of under-educated youth attempting to teach one another something they didn't know much about.\n\nOther than your peers, the key source of information about your body and sexuality is the media. Movies, magazines, popular songs, and books tell us about ourselves and our bodies. Of course, some of these messages are more accurate and more positive than others.\n\nYou may have found your way to quality sex information, from recently published sex-positive books, or even from a supportive lover or friend. Congratulations! You are the rare breed. But if you have not had access to helpful sex information, please use this chapter as a friendly resource. It's hard to know what is up with your sexuality, much less successfully guide someone else toward your pleasure, if you do not know what happens to your body when you are turned on. Information is power, especially where sex is concerned!\n"}
{"input": " Write a subsection titled \"Sex Information and Sexual Abuse\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation of how survivors of sexual abuse may have been exposed to harmful or negative information about their sexuality, and may have learned about sex on the abuser's terms rather than their own.\n* A discussion of how this knowledge may have been tainted by the abuse or just plain wrong, and how survivors may have learned to gratify someone else sexually without knowing how to please themselves.\n* Personal anecdotes from survivors illustrating how they may have known a lot about sex due to their abuse, but that this knowledge was not healthy or empowering for them.\n* Encouragement for survivors to start anew in learning about sexual anatomy, and suggestions for approaching their own or their partner's body with curiosity and openness.\n* Questions for the reader to consider, such as \"What is this thing, anyway? How does it feel?\" to prompt further self-exploration and learning.\n\nNote: The provided text contains sensitive content that may be triggering for some individuals. Please ensure that the prompt reflects this and encourages readers to seek support if needed.", "response": "\n\n##  Sex Information and Sexual Abuse\n\nAs a survivor, you were exposed to harmful negative information about your sexuality. You may have known a lot about sex, far more than was good for you, but the information was tarnished by the abuse\u2014or just plain wrong. You learned about sex on the abuser's terms, not your own. You may have been taught how to gratify someone else sexually, without even knowing how to please yourself. This may have carried over into later consensual sexual relationships.\n\n> > At thirteen I knew so much about sex and penises. My friends would ask me  \n>  questions and couldn't believe how much I knew. I got this strange pride out of  \n>  it, even though it was because of the sexual abuse that I knew all of that.  \n>  Really, all I knew was how I was supposed to suck off my stepfather, how to  \n>  give him what he demanded.  \n> \n> \n> Laura\n>\n>> I knew a lot about my boyfriend's body and hardly anything about my own. We had a very out-of-balance sex life. My pleasure was not really a part of it.\n> \n> Cindy\n\nAs a survivor, you may want to start all over in learning about sexual anatomy. Look at yourself, or a friend or partner, with curiosity. What is this thing, anyway? How does it feel?\n"}
{"input": "  Write a subsection titled \"Female Sexual Anatomy\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An introduction encouraging the reader to explore their own body and genitalia, using a mirror if necessary, and emphasizing that their genitalia are healthy and important parts of their body, regardless of any past trauma or abuse.\n* A detailed description of the female genitalia, including the outer and inner vaginal lips (labia majora and minora), the clitoris, and the vagina, with explanations of their functions and appearances.\n* A discussion of the clitoris, including its glans, hood, shaft, and crura, and how it varies in size, sensitivity, and location of sensitivity among different individuals.\n* A discussion of the vagina, including its pliable mucous membrane, folds of skin, and expandability. Also include information about the urethral opening, cervix, and self-cleaning and self-lubricating functions of the vagina.\n* A section on the G-spot, including its location, sensitivity, and texture, and how women may respond differently to G-spot stimulation. Include information on how to stimulate the G-spot, either alone or with a partner, and the possibility of ejaculation with G-spot stimulation.\n* Note: The provided text contains sensitive content that may be triggering for some individuals. Please ensure that the prompt reflects this and encourages readers to seek support if needed.", "response": "\n\n##  Female Sexual Anatomy\n\nLet's begin with female anatomy. As you read this section, I encourage you to fol low along\u2014you can look at the illustration, and you can get out a mirror an check yourself out. As a woman, you do not get the opportunity to look at you genitalia often, because they are tucked in between your legs at an angle difficul to see unassisted. Although you may have been hurt in your genitals, there i nothing \"wrong\" with them. Your genitalia are as unique as the rest of you,< healthy and natural part of your body, just like your hand, your mind, and you face. Take a look. What do you see?\n\n  \n\n\nILLUSTRATION 2. Female Anatomy\n\nThe entire genital region is called the vulva and includes the clitoris, the labia minora and labia majora, and the vagina. When you take a look at yourself in the mirror, you may first notice your labia majora and labia minora. These are your outer and inner vaginal lips, respectively. The labia majora have hair on them and are the same texture as your skin. The labia minora are hairless and made of mucous membrane, like the inside of your mouth. The inner lips come in all kinds of shapes and sizes. Some women's are symmetrical, while others are asymmetrical, one being much longer or larger than the other. Some women's inner lips fit within the outer lips, and others hang below the labia majora. What do yours look like? What color are they and what shape? Many survivors feel ashamed of their genitals because of sexual abuse. Your vulva deserves no shame. It is a perfectly healthy and important part of you body.\n\n  \n\n\nTHE CLITORIS\n\nWith a mirror you can also see your clitoris and clitoral hood. These are tucked near the top of your labia minora. The clitoris is the most sensitive spot on the vulva. You can find it if you feel around in this area. The clitoral hood rides around the clitoris. You may find that your clitoris protrudes out of the clitoral hood or is tucked back within it. If you gently pull back the clitoral hood you'll see your clitoral glans.\n\nFeminist health clinicians have helped to redefine the clitoris. We now know that the clitoris is not just the glans and shaft but encompasses a whole structure of erectile tissue, made up of nerves, spongy tissue, and blood vessels, that runs throughout the vulva. You may have seen illustrations in books like A New View of a Woman's Body or Our Bodies, Ourselves for the New Century, which show the clitoral shaft splitting into two legs, called crura, that extend down through the labia minora around the vagina. If you press one of your labia minora between two fingers and rub slightly back and forth, you may be able to feel a sensitive ridge. This is one of the legs of the crura. If you feel upward from the head of the clit you can feel the clitoral shaft.\n\nClits comes in different sizes and sensitivities. Some women enjoy stimulation right on or near the clit, while others do not like to have their clit touched directly at all. Many women report that the clitoris is most sensitive halfway down the left-hand side. If you placed a clock over the clit with noon at the clitoral shaft and six nearer the vagina, this spot would be at three o'clock. Where is your clitoris most sensitive?\n\n  \n\n\nTHE VAGINA\n\nAs you continue to explore yourself with the aid of the mirror, you will see the vaginal opening and the vagina. This too is made up of very pliable mucous membrane. The vagina itself is made up of folds of skin that are very expandable. When you are not sexually aroused, the walls of the vagina rest against one another. If you bear down while opening your inner labia with your fingers you can see the urethral opening (where urine comes out) just below the clitoris.\n\nDifferent areas of the vagina feel differently when touched. The outer third of the vagina tends to be the most sensitive and responds to motion and movement. Deeper within the vagina, pressure and fullness tend to be more noticeable or satisfying.\n\nAt the back of the vagina is the cervix. This is a small, knoblike fleshy protrusion. A tiny opening in the cervix allows the passage of fluids in and out of the uterus. Menstrual blood flows out through the cervix, and sperm can swim in to impregnate a woman. The cervix dilates during childbirth to allow the baby to be passed out of the uterus through the vaginal canal into the world. Some women like to have their cervix pressed up against during sex. It can be a very particular and intense sensation. Try it for yourself and see what you think.\n\nThe vagina is a self-cleaning system with natural fluids and discharges. If your discharge is a color or smell that is unusual for you, or is accompanied by itching in the area, see a health care practitioner. Otherwise, your discharge is evidence of your cleansing system at work. Douches and other forms of cleansing within the vagina can destroy healthy bacteria. Oil-based lubricants are difficult for the vagina to cleanse and may cause an infection. Use water-based lubricants instead and avoid commercially prepared douches.\n\nThe vagina also self-lubricates when you are aroused. There are ducts and glands that produce lubrication along the walls of the vagina. Some women feel like they produce \"too much\" lubrication. Bring a towel with you on your sexual excursions; you may be ejaculating and not know it (see the following section for a discussion of female ejaculation). Your lubrication levels will change depending upon where you are in your cycle, and most women produce less lubrication as they age. If you don't produce enough moisture to make penetration comfortable, use a water-based lubricant.\n\n  \n\n\nTHE G-SPOT\n\nAlso within the vaginal passage is the urethral sponge, or G-spot, a spongy conglomeration of blood vessels, erectile tissue and glands surrounding the urethra, the slim tube that carries urine from the bladder. The term G-spot was popularized by obstetrician and gynecologist Ernst Grafenberg, who wrote about the sensual properties of the urethra in 1950.\n\nThe G-spot is located along the front wall of the vaginal passage (closest to your public bone) and can be particularly sensitive to touch and especially sensitive to pressure. It is not really a \"spot,\" but an area one to two inches in length. Again, bear down while opening your inner labia and you will see your G-spot. You can distinguish this tissue by its texture, which is rougher than the smooth walls of the rest of the vagina.\n\nWomen respond differently to G-spot stimulation. Some women find this touch intense and a great turn-on, while others find G-spot stimulation uncomfortable. Some women do not notice much difference in this area at all. Again, this is a time to explore, either alone or with a partner.\n\nIf you lie on your back, your partner can reach your G-spot by inserting two fingers into your vagina and making a \"come hither\" motion toward the front wall of your vagina. You can reach your own G-spot with fingers or a firm dildo. Dildos with a ridged area or a curve or bend in the shaft can be particularly good G-spot stimulators. Once you are sexually aroused, your G-spot can also be reached by placing pressure on the abdomen just above the pubic bone and pressing down toward the vaginal opening.\n\nSome women ejaculate with G-spot stimulation. The ejaculate is watery in substance and is sometimes mistaken for urine. Within the spongy material of the urethra are the paraurethral glands, which are thought to be the origin of the G-spot ejaculate. The theory is that with pressure and stimulation, these glands produce the fluid that is released as ejaculate; just as in men, the ejaculate comes through the urethra. Although there is still some debate as to the exact origin of the ejaculate, the majority of studies have found the fluid chemically distinct from urine. Not all women seem to ejaculate with G-spot stimulation, however. More information about stimulating the G-spot can be found in chapter 10.\n"}
{"input": " Write a subsection titled \"Male Sexual Anatomy\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An introductory explanation about how male and female sexual anatomy are similar, noting that fetuses initially have similar genitalia that differentiate later in development.\n* A detailed description of the male sexual anatomy, focusing on the penis, scrotum, and testicles, as well as the seminal vesicle and prostate gland.\n* An explanation of the penis, including its spongy erectile tissue, blood vessels, corpus cavernosa, urethra, and the sensitive glans, with a note on the differences in sensitivity between the glans and the clitoral glans in females.\n* Information about the foreskin, circumcision, and the potential differences in sensitivity between circumcised and uncircumcised men.\n* Encouragement for survivors of child sexual abuse to learn about male sexual anatomy in a non-abusive setting, with suggestions for ways to do so.\n* A diagram or illustration showing the male sexual anatomy.\n* A description of the scrotum and testicles, including their size, position, and function in producing sperm and testosterone.\n* A section on the prostate gland, including its location, function in producing seminal fluids, and the potential for prostate stimulation to be pleasurable for some men. Note any similarities to G-spot stimulation in women and provide instructions on how to reach and stimulate the prostate.\n* Note: The provided text contains sensitive content that may be triggering for some individuals. Please ensure that the prompt reflects this and encourages readers to seek support if needed.", "response": "\n\n##  Male Sexual Anatomy\n\nMen's sexual anatomy is not drastically different from women's, when you get right down to it. All fetuses are initially female in their genitalia. Between nine and twelve weeks, the genitalia begin to differentiate. What becomes the clitoris in the female becomes the glans of the penis in the male. While ovaries develop in females, the testes develop in males. The components of male and female sexual anatomy are very similar; they are just arranged differently.\n\nMale sexual anatomy is made up of the penis, scrotum, and testicles, the seminal vesicle, and the prostate gland. The penis and the scrotum, which contains the testicles (the \"balls,\" in slang), are the most obvious parts of male sexual anatomy. Let's start with these.\n\n  \n\n\nTHE PENIS AND BALLS\n\nThe penis is made up of spongy erectile tissue and blood vessels. These tissues are organized into two long cylinders called the corpus cavernosa. When a man is sexually aroused, blood flows into these cylinders, filling the spongy tissues. They expand as they fill with blood, compressing shut the veins that carry blood out of the penis, thus creating an erection, or hard-on.\n\nThe urethra, the tube through which urine and semen pass, runs along the bottom of the penis to the urethral opening at the tip. It is surrounded by a cylinder of spongy tissue called the corpus spongiosum.\n\nThe head of the penis is also called the glans. This is the most sensitive part of the penis. The base of the head is called the coronal ridge and is analogous to the clitoris in the woman. The nerves here are not as densely concentrated as the clitoral nerves, however, and therefore the area is not as sensitive. The head of the penis can usually stand more pressure and stimulation than the clitoral glans. The frenulum, a piece of skin on the underside of the coronal ridge between the shaft of the penis and the glans, is also packed with nerves and sensitive for many men.\n\nThe skin covering the penis slides easily back and forth. All men are born with a foreskin, a retractable skin, which covers the glans. When men are circumcised, this skin is cut off, exposing the head. Men with foreskins tend to be more sensitive around the head of the penis than circumcised men.\n\nThe penis has been a frightening piece of male anatomy for many survivors of child sexual abuse. Begin to demystify it for yourself by learning about it in a nonabusive setting. You can look at human anatomy books with pictures. If you have a male partner, you can ask to look at his penis in a nonaroused state. Try to consider the penis as a neutral part of a man's whole body. It is his person, not his penis, that decides how it will be used. Your perpetrators made very destructive choices.\n\n  \n\n\nILLUSTRATION 3. Male Anatomy\n\nIf learning more about male sexual anatomy is upsetting for you, this may be a place to work through those triggers (for help, see chapter 11). Even if you do not interact sexually with men, freeing yourself from the fear of male sexuality will greatly benefit you. It can give you freedom in your relationship to your own body and sexuality, and in your relationship to men in general. Holding emotional trauma connected to the anatomy of half of the world's population requires energy that you can use more creatively in enjoying your life.\n\n\"Balls\" is slang for the scrotum and testicles. The scrotum is the skin surrounding the testicles, two glands that produce both sperm and testosterone. The testicles range from the size of a grape to that of an egg. One usually hangs lower than the other, and they contract up closer to the body when a man is cold or aroused.\n\n  \n\n\nTHE PROSTATE GLAND\n\nThe prostate gland is an internal organ located behind the pubic bone in front of the bladder. The urethra passes from the bladder through the prostate into the penis. This gland produces seminal fluids. I mention it because many men find prostate stimulation very pleasurable. Like G-spot stimulation in women, prostate stimulation may be too intense or painful for some. The prostate can be reached by inserting a finger or toy about three inches into the anus and pressing toward the front of the body. It is that old \"come hither\" motion again. If you are planning to play with your partner's prostate, be sure to use a water-based lubricant, as the anus is not self-lubricating.\n"}
{"input": " Write a subsection titled \"Female and Male Bodies\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* A section on the pubococcygeus muscle (PC muscle), including its location, function, benefits of exercising it, and instructions on how to do Kegel exercises.\n* Quotes from survivors of sexual abuse about their experiences with doing Kegel exercises and the emotions it stirred up for them.\n* Information about the breasts and nipples as sources of sexual pleasure for both women and men, with suggestions for exploring sensation and increasing sensitivity in this area.\n* Quotes from survivors about their experiences with sensation in their breasts and nipples.\n* A section on anal eroticism, including information about the taboo surrounding it, the muscles involved (sphincters), the expandable canal (rectum), and the importance of practicing safer sex when engaging in anal eroticism.\n* An illustration or diagram showing the anal anatomy.\n* Information about the rectosigmoidal junction, the role of feces, the importance of using toys with an expanded or flanged base, and the necessity of lubricant for anal penetration.\n* A mention of the perineum as another area that can be a source of sexual pleasure.\n* Note: The provided text contains sensitive content that may be triggering for some individuals. Please ensure that the prompt reflects this and encourages readers to seek support if needed.", "response": "\n\n##  Female and Male Bodies\n\nTHE PC MUSCLE\n\nThe pubococcygeus muscle, or the PC muscle for short, runs from the pubic bone to the tailbone, surrounding the genitals in a figure eight. This is the muscle you squeeze to stop the flow of urine. It is also the muscle that involuntarily contracts with orgasm. Your PC muscle is important to your health and sexual satisfaction. A healthy and well-exercised PC muscle can keep you from being incontinent, increase your orgasmic pleasure, and help you be more embodied in your pelvis and genitals. You can also contract this muscle at will to play with your sexual pleasure.\n\nExercising this muscle is easy. Practice contracting the PC muscle by squeezing your genitals and anus inward ten times. Then bear down, pushing them outward ten times. Do this three time a day. These exercises are referred to as kegels. Doing your kegels will keep these muscles in good condition and increase your awareness of your genitals.\n\n> > Doing kegels stirred up all kinds of anger for me initially. I would want to growl and kick. I guess it stirred up the stuff that was in my pelvis from the abuse.\n> \n> Jackie\n>\n>> Exercising my PC muscle has given me more of a sense of control over my own genitals. It made them feel less separate from me. I realized that they were mine and I could move them and do something with them. It wasn't just that things got done to them.\n> \n> Kate\n\nBREASTS\n\nBoth women and men can experience sexual pleasure in their breasts. When sexually aroused, many people's nipples respond by becoming erect or hard. Some folks enjoy intense pressure and sensation on their nipples, while others like a softer touch or caress.\n\n  \n\n\nMany survivors report not having a lot of sensation in their breasts or nipples. If this is the case for you, you may be experiencing some numbing of sensation due to the abuse. Or, this may just be the way your body responds. If you want to explore this, bring your focus to your breasts. Breathe into your breasts. Lay your hands over your breasts. Feel the weight of your hands. What is there? Try touching your breasts with more or less pressure and creating different sensations. Aroused nipples can actually take quite a lot of pressure. Try pinching or squeezing harder (or ask your partner to do so). Try this on the nipple, or grab below the nipple on the areola. By practicing this, you may increase your sensitivity. You may also discover trauma related to your breasts.\n\n> > I have very little sensation in my breasts. I think I can't feel them because of the incest. When my husband touches them, I can't feel it and I start to dissociate. \n> \n> Sally\n\nANAL EROTICISM\n\nThe anus carries a lot of social taboo when it comes to sexual pleasure. Many folks think of the anus as dirty or painful and hold a lot of tension there. Whether or not you include anal eroticism in your sex life, learning to relax the anus enhances your health and allows for more sensation throughout the genital area. Just like the vulva and penis, the anus engorges with blood when sexually aroused and shares in the muscle contractions of orgasm.\n\n  \n\n\nILLUSTRATION 4. Anal Anatomy\n\nThe anal opening is controlled by two rings of muscles called the sphincters. You can learn to relax and contract the external sphincter at will; the internal sphincter operates involuntarily, like blinking. Beyond these muscles is the rectum, an expandable canal six to nine inches in length, which is lined with a very soft tissue. This tissue is not as durable as vaginal tissue, and microscopic tears can happen during penetration. This makes practicing safer sex when engaging in anal eroticism all the more important.\n\nThe rectum ends in an S-shaped curve called the rectosigmoidal junction. Beyond this point is the sigmoid colon and the large intestine. Feces are stored on the intestine side of this S-curve. When you feel that you have to defecate, you are feeling pressure on the rectosigmoidal junction. Feces only pass through the rectum; they are not stored there. There are usually few traces left behind.\n\nUnlike the vaginal canal, the anus leads directly into the internal organs of the body. If you are interested in using toys for anal penetration, it is vital to choose toys that have an expanded or flanged base that will not slip up into the rectum and potentially the large intestine. Lubricant is a must for anal penetration. More information on anal sex, cleanliness, lubrication, and anal penetration can be found in chapters 9 and 10 on oral sex and penetration.\n\nFinally, the soft piece of skin between the vagina and anus in women, or between the scrotum and anus in men, is called the perineum. This is another area where you can enjoy pressure and touch.\n"}
{"input": " Write a subsection titled \"Checking In\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* Encouragement for readers to take a moment to assess their current emotional and physical state while reading about sex and sexual anatomy.\n* Suggestions for readers to pay attention to any sensations or feelings in their body.\n* A prompt for readers to reflect on their automatic thoughts as they read through the chapter.\n* Encouragement for readers to take a deep breath and a break, if necessary.\n* Note: The provided text contains sensitive content that may be triggering for some individuals. Please ensure that the prompt reflects this and encourages readers to seek support if needed.", "response": "\n\n##  Checking In\n\nTake a minute to check in with yourself. How are you doing reading about sex and sexual anatomy? What are you feeling in your body? What are your automatic thoughts as you read through this chapter? Take a breath and a break, if need be.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Sexual Response Cycle\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An overview of the Masters and Johnson model of the sexual response cycle, which includes four phases: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution.\n* A detailed description of each phase, including the physiological changes that occur in both men and women, such as increased blood flow, changes in body temperature, and changes in genital size and sensitivity.\n* A clarification that this model is a description of the potential physiological changes during sexual arousal, not a prescription for how it should or always does occur.\n* Acknowledgment that other sexologists have categorized the stages of sexual arousal differently, and some have included additional stages such as desire or willingness.\n* A specific note for survivors of sexual abuse, acknowledging that the physiological response of arousal can occur during non-consensual sex and that this does not mean they wanted to be abused or that their body betrayed them. Emphasize that this response is involuntary and that physical pleasure does not mean that the abuse was their fault.", "response": "\n\n#  Sexual Response Cycle\n\nYour body goes through many physiological changes when sexually aroused and during orgasm. Masters and Johnson popularized the phrase \"sexual response cycle\" by somewhat arbitrarily organizing female and male physiological sexual responses into four phases: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution.\n\nAs per their definition, the excitement phase involves a general increase in body temperature, heart rate, and blood flow. The increased blood flow enlarges the lips, breasts, and genitals. Usually the body becomes more sensitive to stimulation and less sensitive to pain.\n\nIn the plateau stage, the blood flow and body temperature continue to increase. In women, the labia and clitoris enlarge and the uterus lifts, creating a ballooning effect in the vagina. The vagina also lubricates. In men, the increased blood flow creates an erection, and the testes and scrotum contract and lift. Men can also excrete a fluid called \"pre-come.\" Both women and men may experience erections in the nipples.\n\nIn the Masters and Johnson model, orgasm is the next stage. Orgasm is defined as a release of the sexual buildup in a series of muscular contractions. Orgasm releases the increased blood from the genital tissues. After orgasm comes resolution, when the body returns to a nonaroused state. The body cools, the heart rate drops again, and the blood flows out of the breasts and genitals, returning them to their at-rest state.\n\nI offer this model as a description of the physiological changes that occur during sexual arousal. This is not a prescription for how sexual arousal should go or even does go; it is just one interpretation of how it might go. Your experience may sometimes match this model and other times not.\n\nOther sexologists have categorized the stages of sexual arousal differently, trying to account for the more subjective experiences and social and cultural influences involved in sexual response. Some suggest including desire as a stage of sexual response. Another begins her model with willingness. In The New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex, Cathy Winks and Anne Semans speak of the overall fluidity of sexual response: \"One can move from arousal to desire, from excitement to indifference, from boredom to passion, from orgasm to arousal and back again.\"\n\nI want to note particularly for survivors that with sexual stimulation this physiological response of arousal occurs whether or not the sex is consensual. So many survivors blame themselves or hate their bodies because they got aroused during the abuse. This response is involuntary. It is what your body does when stimulated. Physical pleasure makes the abuse all the more confusing. But remember that the fact that you became aroused does not mean you wanted to be abused, that the abuse was your fault, or that your body betrayed you.\n"}
{"input": "  Write a section titled \"Orgasm\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation of what an orgasm is, including its physiological definition as an involuntary contraction of the pelvic muscles resulting from sexual stimulation.\n* A discussion of the difference between clitoral and vaginal orgasms, noting that they are not always distinct and that orgasms can sometimes be spread over the entire body.\n* A mention of the fact that there is still much to be learned about women's sexuality and that authoritative sources sometimes disagree.\n* A note on ejaculation and orgasm being separate physiological functions, controlled by different nerve groups in the spine, and that neither necessarily correspond to an orgasm.\n* An explanation of multiple orgasms and continuous orgasms, noting that they are learnable through practice.\n* A section on being \"preorgasmic\", describing this state as one in which a woman has never experienced an orgasm and assuming that women can learn to orgasm.\n* Information on the fact that most women need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm and that vibrators can be helpful for women who are preorgasmic.\n* A discussion of the potential link between being preorgasmic and sexual trauma, including the presence of tension in the pelvis and genitals and the potential for negative emotions connected to orgasm.\n* Advice for women who are preorgasmic, including the recommendation to explore orgasm on their own and to invest in a vibrator.\n* A note on the potential for orgasm to bring up emotions and images related to sexual abuse, and the recommendation to go into and through these emotions, triggers, and memories as part of the healing process.\n* A section addressing the concern that it takes too long to reach orgasm, including a discussion of societal expectations for orgasm and the recommendation to let oneself take more time than one is comfortable with.\n* Advice for reaching orgasm more quickly, including the use of a vibrator and breathing and movement techniques.\n* A note on the importance of communication with one's partner about what feels good and how to touch one's partner in a way that works.\n* A suggestion to shift one's internal focus if one feels like one is coming to the edge of orgasm but cannot go over it.", "response": "\n\n##  Orgasm\n\nAn orgasm is one of those experiences that no one seems to exactly know how to describe. I have heard people say, \"You'll know when you have one,\" which may be true but is not very helpful. Physiologically, an orgasm is an involuntary contraction of the muscles in the pelvic region, and the lower third of the vagina, that results from sexual stimulation.\n\nSome women speak about a clitoral orgasm as distinct from a vaginal orgasm. Sometimes an orgasm is very localized around the clit or vagina, and other times it can be spread over the entire body. There is still much to be known about women's sexuality, and even authoritative physiological texts disagree.\n\nThere are numerous books available on the subject of the female orgasm and techniques you can try to explore and enhance your orgasms. Again, the more you are able to relax and embody your pelvis and genitals, the more sensation you will have. Focusing your attention on your sensations and breathing down into your pelvis and genitals will help you increase your pleasure.\n\n  \n\n\nORGASM AND EJACULATION\n\nContrary to popular belief, ejaculation and orgasm are separate physiological functions controlled by different nerve groups in the spine. This is true for both men and women. Although many people experience them simultaneously, neither G-spot ejaculation in women nor ejaculation in men necessarily correspond to an orgasm. One can learn to separate these functions with practice.\n\n  \n\n\nMULTIPLE ORGASMS\n\nYup, multiple orgasms are possible. Multiple orgasms are a series of orgasms, one following the next. Most of the time people experience a short rest moment in between orgasms and then continue onto the next. Some folks also talk about a continuous or extended orgasm. Annie Sprinkle teaches the one-hour orgasm in The Sluts and Goddesses Video Workshop. Both multiple orgasms and extended orgasms are learnable through practice. The first step is learning to be with the intensity of continuing stimulation once you have had an orgasm. Then, breathing deeply and rocking your pelvis, combined with stimulation that works for you, will show you the way.\n\n  \n\n\nARE YOU PREORGASMIC?\n\nSome women have never experienced an orgasm. Sex educators use the term preorgasmic to describe this state. We call it \"preorgasmic\" because we assume that women can learn to orgasm. Many women who are preorgasmic have not experienced the type of stimulation that works for their anatomy.\n\nThe majority of women need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Most women need continuous, steady, and sometimes rapid stimulation to come. Vibrators can be very useful when learning to orgasm. They create a faster and more intense stimulation than most people can muster with their fingers and also let you explore a variety of sensations.\n\nBeing preorgasmic can be linked to sexual trauma. You may carry a lot of tension in your pelvis and genitals, which makes it difficult to relax enough to orgasm. Most people think of orgasm as a tensing of the muscles, but the more you can relax, the better, since it can be difficult for the muscles to go from a very contracted state into an even more contracted state for orgasm. The more you breathe and relax your pelvic muscles, the easier it is to orgasm.\n\n> > I can't orgasm. I get really tight through my pelvis and seem on the verge forever. I just can't get over the top.\n> \n> Maria\n> \n> Some survivors also feel shame, guilt, or other emotions that are a part of the sexual trauma connected to orgasm. You may want to avoid orgasm to avoid these feelings. Use the practices in chapter 11 to assist you in working through these triggers and held trauma.\n> \n> If you are preorgasmic, I encourage you to explore orgasm on your own\u2014not just with a partner\u2014so that you can take your time without pressure or expectations. Most important, breathe as you begin to touch yourself. Notice when you want to hold your breath and relax again. Breathe down into your pelvis as if you could nourish the pelvic cavity and your genitals with oxygen. Allow yourself to move your hips. Do not hold yourself still; rock your hips forward and back, side to side, and around in a small circle. You may feel silly at first, but keep going. This is you getting to know you.\n> \n> I encourage you to invest in a vibrator. You can try placing the vibrator directly on different places around your clit, vagina, perineum, and anus. Where are you the most sensitive? Where do you like more pressure and where less? Where is the most sensitive spot on your clit? If a vibrator is too intense initially, place a towel between you and it, or place the vibrator on the outside of your outer labia, letting the vibration pass through the folds of skin to the clitoris. Or try the vibrator on the back of your hand as you touch your clit with your fingers. As you find your most sensitive spots, stay with the feeling, and continue to breathe and rock. Keep bringing your attention into your body and genitals. Feel yourself. Be inside of yourself and your sensations. Make sure your internal conversation supports what you are doing rather than distracts you. Tell yourself that being turned on is great, that it is okay to relax and to have sexual pleasure. Tell yourself something sexy!\n> \n> Again, you may find that working with your orgasm brings up emotions and images related to the sexual abuse. Our bodies can act as storage tanks for pieces of the abuse that we have not yet been able to fully feel or process. The emergence of these pieces of the past is part of your healing process. Your body is releasing trauma associated with, or held in, this part of your body. Go into and through these emotions, triggers, and memories. You may cry, get angry, or shake. Don't worry. This is a normal part of the healing process.\n\nTHIS IS TAKING TOO LONG\n\nWhile not preorgasmic, some women feel like it takes them too long to come to orgasm. But \"too long\" is relative. My first question would be, \"Too long by whose standards?\"\n\nWhen we go to the movies, we see instantaneous sex. Two people meet, get turned on, make love, come simultaneously, and voila! It is over. Sex and orgasm are not like that in real life. A more typical sexual encounter involves talking, rearranging your bodies a number of times, laughing, at least one awkward moment, farting or trying not to, and so on. Sorry to burst your bubble, but my intent is to normalize sex. Yes, sex can be profound and powerful, just as other parts of our lives can be, but sex is also a normal aspect of the human experience. We bring the rest of our humanness with us when we are sexual.\n\nSo, back to orgasm taking \"too long.\" What you mean by too long? Is ten minutes too long? Is half an hour? What if you focused on reaching orgasm for three hours? What if your partner focused on your pleasure for three hours? How would that be? I find that most people's time expectations for orgasm are too brief, particularly for women. What if you let yourself take more time than you are comfortable with? Try it.\n\nIf you would like to have the option of reaching orgasm more quickly, you can try using a vibrator; the intense stimulation can bring you to orgasm faster. The breathing and movement techniques described above will also help. Usually, tension in the pelvis and genitals delays orgasm. Move, relax, and breathe. If your partner is not touching you in a way that works, let her or him know that. Communicate what you like and show your partner how to do it. You'll both be happier in the long run.\n\nLast, if you feel like you come to the edge but cannot go over it, try shifting your internal focus. If you are focused on your clitoris, open up your focus to include the sensations throughout your pelvis and throughout the rest of your body. Often this can relax you enough to allow you to orgasm.\n"}
{"input": "   Write a section titled \"Gynecological Issues\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* A discussion of the gynecological problems that can be caused by incest and childhood sexual abuse, including external or internal scarring, chronic yeast infections or sexually transmitted diseases, menstrual irregularities, and pelvic or genital pain.\n* A recommendation to see a gynecologist if one has any chronic infections, menstrual difficulties, pain, or other concerns, and to see a health practitioner to take care of any medical issues before taking on the emotional angle of this work.\n* An explanation of the natural response to tensing and pulling away from abuse and intrusion, and the potential for this tension to become habitual or chronic and cause other problems.\n* A mention of the correlation between ongoing yeast infections, medically unexplained pains, and the ways in which survivors were abused.\n* An explanation of how chronic tension or holding in the pelvis can cause a constriction of blood flow through the area and decrease sensations.\n* A suggestion to put one's attention into the sensations in the pelvis and ask oneself a series of questions, including: What sensations can I feel in my pelvis and genitals? Are the sensations warm or cool? Does my pelvis feel blank or void? Do I feel any streaming or movement? What images or colors come to mind as I focus there? Does my pelvis feel connected to my legs? To my torso?\n* A personal anecdote from a survivor about the sensations in their pelvis and genitals, and the image that came to mind as they focused there.", "response": "\n\n#  Gynecological Issues\n\nIncest and childhood sexual abuse can cause a number of gynecological problems. Some survivors experience external or internal scarring from the abuse. Others have chronic yeast infections or sexually transmitted diseases from the abuse. Still others have menstrual irregularities and pelvic or genital pain. If you have any chronic infections, menstrual difficulties, pain, or other concerns, please see a gynecologist. Eastern medicine, acupuncture, has shown to be very successful with gynecological issues as well. Before you take on the emotional angle of this work, please see a health practitioner to take care of any medical issues you may have.\n\n> > I have had chronic yeast infections since I was seven and my stepfather started molesting me.\n> \n> Kate\n\nWhat I see with many survivors is a chronic holding or tension throughout the pelvis. Tensing and pulling away from abuse and intrusion is a natural response. It is an attempt to protect yourself and to get away. This tension can become habitual or chronic and cause other problems. I have seen survivors with ongoing yeast infections and medically unexplained pains that correlated to the ways they were abused.\n\nChronic tension or holding in the pelvis causes a constriction of blood flow through the area. Held tension and trauma in the body can also decrease your sensations. Some people talk about trauma as energy blocked or trapped in the pelvis. Put your attention into the sensations in your pelvis and ask yourself the following questions: What sensations can I feel in my pelvis and genitals? Are the sensations warm or cool? Does my pelvis feel blank or void? Do I feel any streaming or movement? What images or colors come to mind as I focus there? Does my pelvis feel connected to my legs? To my torso?\n\n> > When I first started focusing on recovering my sexuality, my vagina and pelvis felt like stone. I would get an image of dried, cracked earth that nothing could grow in. I imagined watering it, loosening it, and making it more flexible. The more I moved and tried to feel myself there, the more I touched myself and tried to become friends with me again, the more that image changed.\n> \n> Stephanie\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Your Body\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* A discussion of the difficult relationship many survivors have with their bodies, including body hate and feelings of betrayal, and the potential for struggles with anorexia, bulimia, or feelings of being over- or underweight.\n* An explanation of how getting in touch with one's body can also mean attending to the trauma that is still held there, and that changing one's relationship with one's body and sexuality is a multilevel process.\n* A prompt for the reader to examine who taught them about their body and where they picked up their current beliefs.\n* A suggestion to consider writing down the script of the relationship they would like to have with their body, and then sharing that new story with a trusted friend and taping it to their bathroom mirror so that they see it and read it daily.\n* A recommendation to let other people in their life know that they are creating a new relationship with their body and to ask them to see them in this new light.\n* A mention of the somatic practices that helped the reader discover a sense of internal safety (such as martial arts, yoga, dance, sports, meditation, and other embodiment practices that bring the reader's attention to the sensations in their body), and how these practices can also help them create a new, more loving relationship with their body.\n* An exercise titled \"The Body Hug\" that can assist the reader in learning to know, accept, and even like those parts of their body they have learned to hate.\n* A personal anecdote from a survivor about the challenges and progress they have made in developing a powerful relationship with their body and living in their own skin.", "response": "\n\n#  Your Body\n\nMany survivors have a difficult relationship with their bodies. You may struggle with body hate, feeling that your body has betrayed you or that your body is an unsafe place to live. Having a body at all may be a problem for you. You may struggle with anorexia or bulimia, or feel you are over- or underweight. Many survivors use food as a means of coping with their emotions, while others have a difficult time feeding themselves at all. Since your body was touched or used during the abuse, a difficult relationship with your body is often one of the lasting effects.\n\nSometimes survivors do not like their bodies because the body is where pain lives. Getting in touch with your body can also mean attending to the trauma that is still held there.\n\n> > I always felt like my body was his. It wasn't mine. It had betrayed me and now it was his ally and my enemy.\n> \n> Maggie\n\nAs you consider your relationship with your body, especially your sexual body, examine who taught you about your body. Where did you pick up this information? What makes this opinion so valid?\n\nI know that our relationships with our bodies run very deep. It is not like you can say, \"Oh, okay, I decided I want to believe something different from what I was taught, so now I feel differently.\" Changing your relationship with your body and sexuality is a multilevel process. First, you must look at what you do believe and who you learned that from. Is this who you want to have say over your relationship to your own body? If you were to write the script of your relationship to your body, what would it say?\n\nNext come the practices to support this. What can you say to yourself that supports the relationship you want to build with your body? What is a small step in that direction? A medium and a big step? You might start by writing down the script you'd like hold as your truth. Then tell one trusted friend that new story. Tape it to your bathroom mirror so that you see it and read it daily. Let other people in your life know that this is the new relationship with your body you are creating. Ask them to see you in this new light.\n\nThe same somatic practices that helped you discover a sense of internal safety (see chapter 1) will help you create a new, more loving relationship with your body. Martial arts, yoga, dance, sports, meditation, and other embodiment practices that bring your attention to the sensations in your body are also powerful allies in helping you release the trauma that has supported your negative relationship with your body. You may need to walk through shame and guilt, and begin to place your rage and anger with your perpetrators instead of internalizing it as self-blame. You may need to face the grief of loss and betrayal that hating your body keeps you from feeling. What is it that you are most afraid to let yourself feel? If you were to build an empowering relationship with your body\u2014including your sexual body\u2014what emotions would come up? How can you begin to move toward your feelings?\n\n> The Body Hug\n> \n> This exercise can greatly assist you in learning to know, accept, and even like those parts of your body you have learned to hate. Practice this any place on your body where you feel targeted, were abused, or dislike your body.\n>\n>>   \n> \n> \n> Find a calm place to sit or lie down. Relax and deepen your breathing, expanding your belly and your chest. As you lie there, bring your attention into your hands. You can rub them together to warm them and bring energy into them. Put love and acceptance into your hands. To do this you can think of someone or something you love and feel warmth for. Then place your hands on whatever part of your body you have chosen to work with. Gently let your hands rest there, or stroke that part of you. Bring loving-kindness into that part of you.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Your mind will probably go wild, ticking off all the things you feel are wrong with that part of your body. You are too fat\u2014look at that!\u2014you are too skinny, you've got stretch marks, you sag, your skin is bad\u2026\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Write these down if you need to. What are the feelings underneath all that chatter? What memories are stirred in this part of your body? Note these, then return to your breathing and your accepting touch. Keep coming back to the warmth and care in your hands. Try this for five minutes.\n\n> > Being in my own body and liking me there is one of the hardest parts of my recovery. I hate it when people say \"just love your body.\" That sounds so trite in comparison to what I am dealing with in here. I am taking a step at a time in accepting me, and finding small bits of pleasure in my body. That part is cool.\n> \n> Danielle\n\nYou can now develop a powerful relationship with your body, with living in your own skin. You can learn to appreciate what was perhaps never appreciated, to respect yourself in the ways you were not respected.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Sex Guide Exercises\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An exercise instructing the reader to identify the three life experiences that most informed their relationship with their body and sexual body, including positive and negative influences from family and community, abuse, social and cultural influences, media, sports or athletics, art, and performance.\n* An exercise asking the reader to identify a part of their body with which they have a difficult relationship and to draw that part of their body using paper and crayons or markers. The reader should then analyze the image and consider what it communicates and what that part of their body needs or wants.\n* A personal anecdote about a woman who did this exercise and the changes in her drawings over time as she faced the trauma to her pelvic region and welcomed her pelvis back into her life.\n* An exercise instructing the reader to use a mirror to look at their genitals and identify various parts, including the labia, clitoris and clitoral hood, vaginal opening, perineum, and anus.\n* An exercise asking the reader to choose one thing they would like to learn about their own body, sexual response cycle, or capacity for orgasm, and to start exploring that topic.", "response": "\n\n#  Sex Guide Exercises\n\n> 1\\. What three life experiences most informed your relationship with your body and sexual body? These may be positive or negative influences. Consider family and community, abuse, social and cultural influences, media, sports or athletics, art and performance.\n\n> 2\\. What part of your body do you have a difficult relationship with? Your stomach, breasts, hips, thighs? Get out paper and crayons or markers and draw that part of your body. It doesn't need to be a realistic rendition; just draw your impression of that part of your body. What does the image have to communicate to you? What does that part of your body need or want?\n> \n> I did this exercise with a woman who drew her genitals and pelvic region. Large parts of the initial drawing were black, squiggly lines marking up the page. Other parts of the drawing were nearly blank, as if this part of her body did not exist. As we worked, over time, she continued to draw images of her pelvic region. As she faced the trauma to this region of her body and welcomed her pelvis back into her life, the images changed. Bright colors started showing up in the drawings, and the area became more contained, less chaotic. The later drawings were both calm and fiery, very vibrant.\n\n> 3\\. Get a mirror, and find a comfortable place and a time when you won't be interrupted. Look at your genitals. What do they look like? Identify your labia, clitoris and clitoral hood, vaginal opening, perineum, and anus.\n\n> 4\\. What else might you like to learn about your own body, sexual response cycle, or capacity for orgasm? Choose one thing and start exploring.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Self-Loving\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation of masturbation as touching oneself sensually or sexually, regardless of whether or not one has an orgasm, and the benefits of masturbation, such as learning what turns one on and enhancing one's sexual enjoyment.\n* A personal anecdote from a woman named Anna about how masturbation has been liberating for her and has helped her take responsibility for her own pleasure.\n* Information about the health benefits of masturbation, such as reducing stress, relaxing the body, strengthening the PC muscle, increasing orgasmic pleasure, supporting childbirth, preventing incontinence, and reducing menstrual cramps.\n* An explanation of how masturbation can be used to explore one's sexual responses, play with fantasies, try out sex toys and safer-sex gear, expand one's erotic repertoire, and build a positive relationship with one's own body and sexuality.\n* Information about how masturbation can help one practice handling triggers that may be set off with a partner.\n* Encouragement to use masturbation as a way to have fun and build a positive relationship with one's own sexuality.", "response": "\n\n#  Self-Loving\n\nMasturbation is touching yourself sensually or sexually\u2014regardless of whether or not you have an orgasm. Masturbation is good for lots of things. By touching yourself, you can learn what turns you on and what leaves you cold. Not only will this enhance your sexual enjoyment, it is the most important information you can give to a lover.\n\n> > Masturbation is the center of my sexuality now. I have learned that I turn myself on, that I am responsible for my own pleasure. This has been so liberating for me.\n> \n> Anna\n\nMasturbation is good for your health, too. Studies show that masturbation reduces stress and helps you relax. Also, regular use of your PC muscle keeps it in shape, increasing orgasmic pleasure, supporting childbirth, preventing incontinence, and in some cases reducing menstrual cramps.\n\nThrough masturbation you can explore your sexual responses, play with your fantasies, try out sex toys and safer-sex gear, expand your erotic repertoire, and build a positive relationship to own body and sexuality. You can have fun getting off, too!\n\nAny trigger that gets set off with a partner will also show up in masturbation. When you masturbate, you can practice handling these triggers. Masturbation will help you learn in your own bed, through your own experiences, that your sexuality is yours, and that you are not \"damaged\" or \"bad.\"\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"A Bad Rap\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation of the negative stigma surrounding masturbation and the false beliefs that it has been blamed for causing, such as insanity, blindness, impotence, hysteria, and other unrelated mental and physical symptoms.\n* Information about the societal and cultural shaming of self-exploration and the negative impact this has on one's view of pleasure in their own bodies.\n* A personal anecdote from a woman named Liz about the hypocrisy of being shamed for touching herself sexually while her father was allowed to do whatever he wanted.\n* Statistics from the Kinsey Institute about the prevalence of masturbation among men and women.\n* An explanation of the natural progression of sexual development in children, including the discovery of masturbation as a source of pleasure.\n* Encouragement for the reader to embrace masturbation as a healthy and empowering part of their own sexual expression and development.", "response": "\n\n#  A Bad Rap\n\nMasturbation has gotten a bad rap; it has been cited as the cause of insanity, blindness, impotence, hysteria, and other unrelated mental and physical symptoms. As recently as 1995, Dr. Joycelan Elders was asked to resign from her position as U.S. Surgeon General because she recommended masturbation as a form of safer sex.\n\nMost of us have been taught from an early age that touching ourselves \"down there\" is bad. We are shamed out of self-exploration. We inherit a sex-negative view of masturbation that moves us away from a sense of pleasure in our own bodies.\n\n> > It seems utterly sick to me that I was not supposed to touch myself sexually, but my father was allowed to do whatever he wanted to. Shouldn't that be the other way around?\n> \n> Liz\n\nYet, nearly everyone masturbates. The Kinsey Institute reported in 1990 that 94 percent of men and 71 percent of women masturbate to orgasm. Masturbation is a healthy part of sexual development in children and a healthy part of sexual expression for adults. Fetuses have been noted to have erections and genital swelling in the womb, and infants discover that touching their genitals feels good. By two most toddlers are masturbating, and as they age, they become curious about others' bodies. All of this is part of a child's natural development.\n\nWhat better way to develop sexually than to masturbate? Masturbation gives you a full range of choices about your own body and pleasure, and it puts your sexuality back into your own hands.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Your Keystone to Healing\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation of the power and benefits of masturbation as a tool for recovery from sexual abuse.\n* Encouragement for the reader to use masturbation to practice being embodied, facing triggers, exploring their body and discovering their sexuality on their own terms.\n* Personal anecdotes from survivors named Roslyn and Marie about their experiences with masturbation as a healing tool.\n* An explanation of how masturbation can help survivors explore the ways that sexual abuse has affected their sexuality and sexual expression.\n* A personal anecdote from a survivor named Stephanie about her experience of \"unpacking\" feelings of shame, guilt, and grief through masturbation.\n* A personal anecdote from a survivor named Rosa about her experience of feeling guilty during masturbation and the connection to her experience of incest.\n* An explanation of how masturbation can assist survivors who fear sex in discovering their sexual selves in a slow and safe way.\n* A personal anecdote from a survivor named Evelyn about her journey to healing through masturbation.\n* An explanation of how masturbation can help survivors who have become compulsive sexually to learn about boundaries and to heal the pain that drives the compulsion.\n* A personal anecdote from a survivor named Lenore about her journey to finding her own likes, dislikes, and boundaries through masturbation.\n* An explanation of how masturbation can help survivors stretch the envelope of their sexual expression and discover parts of their sexuality that were hidden under the rubble of incest and molestation.\n* Encouragement for the reader to become more confident in their self-exploration and better equipped to communicate their desires to a sexual partner.", "response": "\n\n#  Your Keystone to Healing\n\nHaving sex with yourself is your most powerful recovery tool. Through masturbation you can practice all the components of sexual healing and recovery. You can practice being embodied, feeling your body move and come alive. You can work through triggers and face intrusive memories. You can discover where your body is frozen or unfeeling as a result of the abuse. And through masturbation you can practice being present during sex.\n\n> > I didn't really know how to masturbate. I just knew I wasn't suppose to do it.  \n>  Once I finally learned it was okay, I realized that this was the best way for me  \n>  to learn about my sexuality on my own terms.  \n> \n> \n> Roslyn\n>\n>> I have worked through a lot of my abuse through masturbating and fantasy. I re-created abuselike scenes in my fantasies, having them turn out differently than the abuse did.\n> \n> Marie\n\nMasturbation can help you explore the ways that sexual abuse has affected your sexuality and sexual expression. You don't have to wait for partner sex to bring your emotional responses and triggers to the foreground. When you masturbate, you'll find out exactly where the effects of incest and molestation landed in your body, emotions, and thinking.\n\n> > I learned to slow down and not just go for the orgasm masturbating. As I began  \n>  to pay closer attention, I saw the entire cycle of my sexual \"stuckness.\" I begin  \n>  to get sexually aroused, begin to feel excited, and then get a wave of shame: \"I  \n>  am not supposed to be doing this.\" I keep masturbating, and the next wave is  \n>  guilt: \"See, I do like it, so I did deserve the abuse.\" If I can keep breathing and  \n>  touching myself, the grief and the sadness under the guilt and shame come up.  \n>  Usually then I cry. I get farther each time, though. I used to stop at the shame,  \n>  and just shut down. I feel like now I am unpacking that guilt and shame from  \n>  on top of my sexuality and feeling the deeper levels. I am freeing myself up.  \n> \n> \n> Stephanie\n>\n>> I would start to masturbate and then feel a surge of guilt. It seemed that as soon as I felt pleasure I felt guilt. This was all about the incest.\n> \n> Rosa\n\nIf the sexual abuse affected you in a way that makes you fear sex, masturbation offers you a slow and safe way to discover your sexual self amid the wreckage of abuse. Masturbation can assist you in moving from sexual repression to sexual expression.\n\n> > I hated all sex. Masturbation didn't even cross my mind. I was relieved when my husband didn't want to have sex. Only after our divorce did I feel safe enough to wonder about my sexuality. A girlfriend gave me a book on sex that talked about masturbation as something healthy. I tried it. That was really the beginning of my healing.\n> \n> Evelyn\n\nIf you have attempted to deal with the trauma of sexual abuse by becoming compulsive sexually, masturbation will help you to learn about boundaries and to heal the pain that drives the compulsion. Here you can practice paying attention to those feelings that say \"stop here,\" or \"I'd like to pause here.\" Stop when you feel those impulses. What is it like to feel and act on your own boundaries?\n\n> > I had sex with everyone. I thought that being sexual would get me acceptance, would allow me to finally fit in. I kept doing this after I knew it was only hurting me. It is only recently that I have stopped. Now I'm trying to find my own likes and dislikes, my own boundaries. Being sexual with myself is helping me do that.\n> \n> Lenore\n\nWant to stretch the envelope of your sexual expression? In masturbating you can try out what would be too scary with a sexual partner. You'll discover parts of your sexuality that were hidden under the rubble of incest and molestation. As you become more confident in your self-exploration, you will be better equipped to communicate your desires to a sexual partner.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"But I Don't Want to Masturbate\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation of the difficulty some survivors may have with masturbation due to their experiences with sexual abuse.\n* A personal anecdote from a survivor named Daren about their experience of being found masturbating and the justification their abuser used to molest them.\n* An acknowledgement that some survivors may not want to masturbate for cultural, religious, or personal reasons.\n* An emphasis on the importance of consent and choice in the healing process.\n* An encouragement for the reader to explore their emotions around masturbation, including any feelings of self-blame, shame, guilt, rage, or grief.\n* A prompt for the reader to make a list of all the reasons they don't want to masturbate and to consider whether they are making their own choice or if the abuse is deciding for them.", "response": "\n\n#  But I Don't Want to Masturbate\n\nFor some survivors, masturbation is linked to sexual abuse. One survivor I worked with was found masturbating by her grandfather; this was used as the justification for molesting her. Her enjoyment of masturbation \"proved\" that she \"wanted\" it.\n\n> > He came into my room when I was six. I was touching myself and smelling my  \n>  hand. I liked the smell of my vagina. This was the first time he molested me.  \n>  He said girls who like that are dirty whores, and he'd just treat me like one  \n>  too.  \n> \n> \n> Daren\n\nSome survivors don't want to masturbate at all. Some women have cultural or religious reasons for not wanting to masturbate; others just don't like it. Healing is all about consent and choice. If you don't want to masturbate, you don't have to.\n\nBut before you decide not to masturbate, I encourage you to explore these questions: What emotions come up when you masturbate or even imagine masturbating? Do you experience self-blame, shame, guilt, rage, or grief? Is this also how you feel about the abuse? Is this how you feel about sex in general? Make a list of all the reasons you don't want to masturbate. Are you making your own choice, or is the abuse deciding for you?\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Feelings and Triggers\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation of the difficulty many survivors may have with masturbation due to traumatic emotions.\n* An emphasis on the idea that feeling these emotions is a large part of healing them and that they will pass as the survivor builds tolerance for them.\n* A quote from a survivor named Carolyn about feeling too triggered by sex to masturbate and feeling ashamed and dirty.\n* A quote from a survivor named Naomi about feeling obsessed with orgasming during masturbation.\n* An acknowledgement of the shame some survivors may feel about experiencing sexual pleasure during the abuse.\n* A quote from a survivor named Liz about struggling with guilt when they feel turned on but learning that it's okay to feel turned on.\n* A discussion of the emotions of rage and grief that may come up for survivors when masturbating.\n* Quotes from survivors named Pam and Danielle about feeling these emotions during masturbation.\n* An acknowledgement that intrusive memories or images of the abuse may surface during masturbation.\n* Quotes from survivors named Debbie and Janet about their experiences with this.\n* An emphasis on the idea that facing these deep emotions or triggers is a part of the healing process.\n* A mention of the tools and options for working with triggers and emotions that will be covered in the following chapters.\n* A closing sentence that transitions to a more positive and fun part of the book.", "response": "\n\n##  Feelings and Triggers\n\nFor many survivors, masturbating brings up traumatic emotions. You might feel like your emotions will overwhelm you. The odd thing about healing trauma is that you may feel like you are going to die, or that you will be swallowed whole by your emotions, but you won't. As you let yourself experience these emotions, your tolerance for feeling them will increase. You will feel them and then they will pass. Feeling emotions is a large part of healing them.\n\n> > I'm too triggered by sex to even masturbate. I feel so ashamed and dirty. I don't want to do to myself what my mom did to me.\n> \n> Carolyn\n>\n>> When I masturbate I become obsessed with coming. I get uptight and manic. I want to come and then get out of there.\n> \n> Naomi\n\nFor many survivors, feeling sexual pleasure brings up shame about having experienced sexual pleasure during the sexual abuse. Many survivors were purposefully brought to orgasm during the abuse.\n\n> > I get turned on, I feel guilty. I get turned on, I feel guilty. It is like this predictable cycle. What I know now, though, is that if I keep going through the guilt to the other side, it doesn't last. I feel turned on again. I am getting to really know that it is okay for me to be turned on.\n> \n> Liz\n\nRage and grief are also common emotions for survivors when masturbating. You might feel these emotions every time you get turned on. If you feel like crying or raging during masturbation, go ahead. What are you grieving about? What are you angry about? Grieve for your losses. Get angry at your abusers. Hold yourself tenderly through this.\n\n> > Sometimes when I masturbate, if I get really into it I get so angry I want to kick something.\n> \n> Pam\n>\n>> I cry when I masturbate. I cry when I have an orgasm.\n> \n> Danielle\n\nIntrusive memories or images of the abuse may surface when you masturbate, too.\n\n> > Lots of my memories have come while masturbating. I guess I feel safer being alone and relaxed, and they tend to come up.\n> \n> Debbie\n>\n>> Once and for all I wanted to kick my father out of my head while I was masturbating. There he'd be again, his face and his dick. One time I stood up and yelled at him. I said, \"That's it, get the hell out of here, you are not allowed here anymore. Get out!\" He only came back once more after that, with much less force. Now I can intercept him at the door with a clear \"no.\"\n> \n> Janet\n\nAs you masturbate you can expect at some point to face deep emotions or triggers from the abuse. Know when this happens that you are healing. In the following chapters, you will find lots of tools and options for working with your triggers and emotions that emerge during masturbation and partner sex.\n\nNow, on to the fun part!\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Five Steps to Great Masturbation\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An acknowledgement that masturbation may seem self-explanatory, but that it is actually a learned skill.\n* A statement that there is an art to masturbation and that there are basic moves that can make it more satisfying.\n* An introduction of a five-step guide to improving masturbation techniques.\n* A focus on the idea that these techniques can be beneficial for survivors of sexual abuse in particular.", "response": "\n\n#  Five Steps to Great Masturbation\n\nYou would think that masturbation would be self-explanatory, but, like anything else, it is a learned skill. There is an art to masturbation, and there are some basic moves that can make it more satisfying.\n"}
{"input": "  Write a section titled \"1. Breathe and Relax\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation of the importance of breathing and relaxation during sexual activity, particularly masturbation.\n* A description of how to breathe and relax, including focusing on specific areas of the body such as the breasts, belly, vulva, and pelvis.\n* A discussion of the connection between breathing, relaxation, and feeling more sensation and awareness during sexual activity.\n* An exploration of how survivors of sexual abuse may experience tension or tightness during sexual activity and how breathing and relaxation can help communicate safety to the body.\n* An example quote from a survivor illustrating this tension.\n* A clarification that relaxation does not mean becoming passive or losing engagement, but instead can enhance pleasure and intensity of orgasms.\n\nUSER: Here is the next part of the story:\n\n\n{'text': '\\n\\n##  2\\\\. Get to Know Your Body\\n\\nMany of us have spent years ignoring or disconnecting from our body. When you are sexual, it is important to be present in your body, to know what feels good, what feels bad, and to make choices accordingly. You cannot know this if you are not present. You need to focus on your body, notice what it likes and doesn't like.\\n\\nMasturbation is a great way to get to know your body. You can explore your body by touching different parts. You can experiment with different kinds of touch\u2014light touch, deep pressure, fast, slow, etc. Notice which parts of your body like to be touched and how. This is important knowledge to have when experimenting with partners. When you know what you like, you can tell your partner.\\n\\n> > When I began to masturbate, I could not even look at my body. But as I began to touch different areas and pay attention to what felt good, I began to feel proud of my body and more comfortable with it.\\n> \\n> Victoria\\n\\nAs Victoria notes, you may find that you feel more comfortable and proud of your body as you get to know it more intimately.\\n\\n'}\n\n\nTASK: Write a detailed prompt that would generate the above section of the story.\nASSISTANT: Write a section titled \"2. Get to Know Your Body\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation of the importance of being present in your body and knowing what feels good during sexual activity.\n* A discussion of how many people, especially survivors of sexual abuse, may have spent years ignoring or disconnecting from their bodies and the importance of reversing this pattern.\n* An explanation of how masturbation can be a tool for getting to know your body and discovering what feels good.\n* A description of how to explore different parts of the body through touch and experiment with different types of touch, such as light touch, deep pressure, fast, and slow.\n* An example quote from a survivor illustrating the benefits of getting to know their body through masturbation.\n* A note on how this knowledge can be beneficial when experimenting with partners, as you can communicate your preferences to them.", "response": "\n\n##  1\\. Breathe and Relax\n\nAs you touch yourself erotically, breathe. If you are touching your breasts or your belly, breathe into that area of your body. The breath helps you to be aware of the feelings and sensations there. When you are touching your vulva or clit, bring your breath all the way down into your pelvis. Imagine that you can breathe right into your vulva. Breathing helps to keep your body relaxed and uncontracted, thus letting you experience more feeling, sensation, and awareness of what is happening for you.\n\nBreathing is particularly important for survivors. When we are afraid, we tighten our muscles and stop breathing. As you know, this is a great system for self-protection and helps numb sensation. For many survivors, this automatic response is still hooked up to being sexual or to masturbating. You may notice when you are sexual that you want to hold your breath or hold your muscles tight.\n\n> > My jaws get incredibly tight when I masturbate. It's like I get tighter as I get turned on.\n> \n> Marianne\n\nWhen you catch yourself getting tense, breathe and relax. Bring your attention back to the feelings in your body.\n\nWhen you breathe and relax your body while you masturbate, you are communicating something new to your body\u2014that it is safe to feel sexually turned on, that it is fine to get off and to enjoy pleasure. Relaxation communicates safety to your body on a very deep level.\n\nWhen I speak of relaxation, I do not mean becoming passive or comatose. You can relax and be actively engaged at the same time. You can still have an orgasm when you are relaxed; in fact, your orgasms will be more intense.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"2. Move Your Body\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation of the importance of moving the body during masturbation to enhance sexual pleasure and healing.\n* A description of how to move the body, including moving hips, rocking the pelvis, letting the back arch and press, and moving arms, legs, and head to express sensations and feelings.\n* A note on how moving can be embarrassing at first but is invaluable to sexual pleasure and healing.\n* An explanation of how moving the body can prevent it from freezing up, increase sensations, and allow them to spread throughout the body.\n* A discussion of how moving can assist those who are preorgasmic in freeing up their orgasms.\n* A note on how moving can stir up body memories and how this can be a part of the healing process.\n* An example quote from a survivor illustrating the benefits of moving the body during sexual activity.", "response": "\n\n##  2\\. Move Your Body\n\nThe second important practice in masturbating is to move your body. Move your hips, rock your pelvis, let your back arch and press, move your arms, legs, and head. Let your body move and express your sensations and feelings. This may be embarrassing at first, but it is invaluable to your sexual pleasure and healing.\n\nMoving also assists you in not freezing up your body; and it increases the sensations and allows them to spread throughout your body. If you are preorgasmic, moving can assist you in freeing up your orgasm.\n\nMoving can also stir up body memories. Because many of us were held down or pinned during the abuse, moving your body can begin to loosen these held memories. Moving tells your body that you have the say-so now, that you are no longer frozen or paralyzed. You can act on your own behalf.\n\n> > I am at the point now where I love to move. I love to move with my honey and with just me. It makes me feel like I am free.\n> \n> Jennifer\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"3. Make Some Noise\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation of the importance of making noise during masturbation as a tool for enhancing sexual pleasure.\n* A description of how to make noise, including starting with heavy breathing, making noise on exhalation, letting out \"oohs\" and \"aahhhhs,\" and groaning and moaning.\n* An explanation of how the voice is an integral part of sexuality and pleasure and how opening the throat and making noise helps keep the body open and relaxed.\n* Tips for soundproofing a room if the user is concerned about roommates or neighbors overhearing, such as playing music, using a towel at the base of the door to absorb sound, or masturbating in the shower for privacy.", "response": "\n\n##  3\\. Make Some Noise\n\nMaking noise is the third great masturbation tool. You can start with breathing heavily, making noise on your exhalation. Let yourself \"ooh\" and \"aahhh.\" Groaning and moaning is good for you! Your voice is an integral part of your sexuality and your pleasure. Opening your throat and making noise helps keep your body open and relaxed. It keeps you breathing. If you are concerned about room-mates or neighbors listening in, soundproof your room as best you can. Play music. A towel at the base of the door can help to absorb sound. Masturbating in the shower can give you the privacy to use your voice freely.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"4. Touch Your Whole Body\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* A reminder that masturbation is not just about getting off, and an encouragement to attend to the whole body when touching oneself.\n* A suggestion to explore what kind of touch is enjoyable on various parts of the body, including legs, stomach, hair, and face.\n* An explanation of how sexual energy moves throughout the entire body, not just the genitals, and an encouragement to explore its reaches.\n* A suggestion to touch both the places that feel the best and the places where one doesn't want to go, as these places may hold valuable healing and information.\n* A list of various body parts to touch, including the face, feet, calves, back, belly, vulva, breasts, anus, butt, inside the vagina, the G-spot, the cervix, and the thighs.\n* A reminder to come to know one's body as one would want one's greatest love to know it.\n* An example of someone's personal experience with this exercise, including the body parts they found easiest and most difficult to touch.", "response": "\n\n##  4\\. Touch Your Whole Body\n\nWe often think of masturbation as simply getting off; and it can get very genitally focused. Attend to your whole body when you touch yourself. What kind of touch do you like on your legs or stomach? Do you like to touch your hair and face? Sexual energy moves throughout your entire body, not just your genitals. Explore its reaches.\n\nEspecially touch yourself in the places that feel the best and the places where you don't want to go. Usually the places we want to ignore hold valuable healing and information. Touch your face, your feet, your calves, your back, your belly, your vulva, your breasts, your anus, your butt, inside your vagina, your G-spot, your cervix, your thighs, the backs of your thighs. Come to know your body as you would want your greatest love to know your body.\n\n> > I got comfortable touching my vulva first, then my arms and stomach. My breasts took a lot longer; I got really sad there. I slowly kept adding one more piece of my body back into the equation.\n> \n> Angela\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"5. Stay Present and Embodied\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* A reminder that being present while masturbating can help with being present with a sexual partner and an acknowledgment that many survivors struggle with dissociation during sex.\n* A suggestion to use the tools from chapter 3 on dissociation while masturbating and to focus on the sensations in one's body, including warmth, coolness, relaxation, tension, tingling, surges of energy, numbness, areas of the body that are pulsating, and other areas that feel blank or void.\n* A suggestion to practice being present by saying out loud what one is feeling and thinking during masturbation.\n* Encouragement to bring oneself back to the present moment if one notices oneself floating away or becoming distracted.\n* A reminder to breathe, notice the sensations in one's body and the room one is in, and to remind oneself why one is masturbating and what one wants to get out of it.\n* An exploration of five steps to great masturbation, including trying masturbating while staying very still and breathing shallowly and making noise and then stopping.\n* An encouragement to notice the difference between these different approaches to masturbation.", "response": "\n\n##  5\\. Stay Present and Embodied\n\nBeing present while masturbating translates into being present with a sexual partner. Many survivors talk about being dissociated during sex, floating away and out of their bodies and feelings.\n\nUse the tools in chapter 3 on dissociation while you masturbate. While masturbating, focus on the sensations in your body. Notice warmth, coolness, relaxation, tension, tingling, surges of energy, numbness, areas of your body that are pulsating, and other areas that feel blank or void. What are you feeling in your feet? How about your lower back?\n\nYou can also practice being present by saying out loud what you are feeling and thinking: \"I am moving my arms, it feels good to me to move my hips, I am feeling ashamed, I am worrying that my dead grandma can see me, I feel wetness in my vagina and this is exciting to me, this is scary to me, I am afraid I am not supposed to be doing this\u2026\" You can practice being present with yourself by being present with your experience.\n\nWhen you notice yourself floating away, making grocery lists, bring yourself back. Breathe, notice the sensations in your body and the room you are in. Remind yourself why you are masturbating and what you want to get out of it.\n\nExplore these Five Steps to Great Masturbation. For contrast, try masturbating while you stay very still and breathe shallowly. Make noise and then stop. Notice the difference.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"How to Touch Yourself\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* A suggestion to try different types of touch, including stroking, tickling, firm grabbing, and squeezing, and an acknowledgment that one's body can take more intensity and firm touch as one becomes aroused.\n* A list of ideas for self-pleasuring, including massaging oneself with warmed oil, alternating light and firm strokes down the length of one's body, lightly pulling on one's pubic hair or pressing on one's pubic bone, brushing a feather or soft fabric over one's body, squeezing one's nipples between one's fingers or pressing one's breasts into one's chest with the palms of one's hand, and massaging one's outer labia between one's thumb and forefingers.\n* A suggestion to touch one's vulva by resting one's whole hand over one's genitals and playing with pressure.\n* A suggestion to feel one's perineum, the soft skin between one's vagina and anus.\n* A suggestion to massage one's outer labia between one's thumb and forefingers and to do the same with one's inner labia.\n* A suggestion to pull one's clitoral hood back to feel one's clit and to rub it in small circles or up and down where it is most sensitive.\n* A suggestion to use a vibrator on one's vulva, clit, anus, or in one's vagina.\n* A suggestion to try masturbating by rubbing on the bed, a pillow, or a chair, or squeezing one's legs together.\n* A suggestion to touch one's anus on the outside and to explore the nerves there, and to use water-based lubricant to explore the inside of one's anus with one's finger or a toy designed for anal play.\n* A suggestion to try nipple clips, dildos, a butt plug, or anal beads.\n* A suggestion to rub one's arms and hands.\n* A reminder to wrap one's arms around oneself and hug oneself and to kiss one's arms and knees.", "response": "\n\n#  How to Touch Yourself\n\nYou can try stroking, tickling, firm grabbing, and squeezing. As you become aroused, you'll find your body can take more intensity and firm touch. Experiment.\n\nHere are some ideas for self-pleasuring:\n\n> \u2022 Massage yourself with warmed oil\u2014don't forget your head and your feet!\n\n> \u2022 Alternate light and firm strokes down the length of your body.\n\n> \u2022 Lightly pull on your pubic hair or press on your pubic bone.\n\n> \u2022 Brush a feather or soft fabric over your body.\n\n> \u2022 Squeeze your nipples between your fingers or press your breasts into your chest with the palms of your hand.\n\n> \u2022 Firmly grab your areola, pull, play, and twist. Lick your fingers and wet your nipples and breasts.\n\n> \u2022 Touch your vulva by resting your whole hand over your genitals, and play with pressure.\n\n> \u2022 Feel your perineum, the soft skin between your vagina and anus.\n\n> \u2022 Massage your outer labia between your thumb and forefingers. Do the same with your inner labia.\n\n> \u2022 Pull your clitoral hood back to feel your clit. Rub your clit in small circles or up and down where it is most sensitive. See if you like rubbing it with the flat of your fingers, the tips, or your thumb.\n\n> \u2022 Get into the shower or bath and use the water pressure to stimulate your clitoris.\n\n> \u2022 Press your fingers or a dildo into your vagina. What are the different textures? How do the different depths of your vagina feel?\n\n> \u2022 Stimulate your G-spot by pressing firmly into it with your fingers or a firm, slightly curved sex toy.\n\n> \u2022 Try a vibrator on your vulva, your clit, or your anus, or in your vagina.\n\n> \u2022 Masturbate by rubbing on the bed, a pillow, or a chair, or squeezing your legs together.\n\n> \u2022 Touch your anus on the outside. Explore the nerves there. Using water-based lubricant, explore the inside of your anus with your finger or a toy designed for anal play.\n\n> \u2022 Try nipple clips, dildos, a butt plug, or anal beads.\n\n> \u2022 Rub your arms and hands.\n\n> \u2022 Wrap your arms around yourself and hug yourself.\n\n> \u2022 Kiss your arms and knees.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"A Masturbation Date\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* A suggestion to set aside a regular time to be with oneself and masturbate, and to make a bimonthly date with oneself to discover and explore pleasure in one's sexuality and healing.\n* A scenario for a self-pleasuring date, including fixing oneself one's favorite dinner or gathering fruits, breads, and cheeses to nibble on while one plays, creating a beautiful ambiance with music, flowers, candles, and making sure the room is warm enough, getting out sex toys, water-based lubricant, or any erotica one may enjoy, reminding oneself why one chooses to masturbate, and beginning by stroking one's whole body and breathing.\n* A suggestion to use one's hands, velvet, or a feather to stroke one's body, to rub one's head, feet, and calves, and to touch oneself lightly and then more firmly.\n* A suggestion to read an erotic story or poem one likes or to watch one's favorite video.\n* A suggestion to rock one's hips, feel the sensations spread throughout one's body, press one's back into the bed or couch, and move around.\n* A suggestion to touch one's vulva, press one's hand against one's clit, tug on one's pubic hair, and press one's finger into one's perineum.\n* A suggestion to touch one's labia with one hand while the other strokes one's stomach.\n* A suggestion to rub one's arms, breathe deeply, and let the pleasure and relaxation in one's body grow.\n* A suggestion to tell oneself that one deserves this pleasure, to grant oneself permission, to remember that one is loved and loving oneself, and to tell oneself how sexy one is.\n* A suggestion to get out one's vibrator and dildo, to wet the dildo with water-based lubricant and rub the tip of it around one's vulva, and to put the vibrator near the opening of one's vagina and move slowly up toward one's clit.\n* A reminder to stop when one is ready to stop, even if one got triggered, didn't come, felt silly, or didn't like one's new sex toy.\n* A reminder to notice that one is well and that no harm came to one, and to show oneself appreciation.\n* An acknowledgment that there are as many ways to masturbate as there are women, and that one's masturbation date may be more sensually focused, with no genital touching at all, or one may orchestrate an elaborate S/M scene for one, with intense sensation play, numerous accoutrements, and imaginative fantasies.\n* A reminder that it's up to one to do what supports one's sexual healing.", "response": "\n\n#  A Masturbation Date\n\nSet aside a regular time to be with yourself and masturbate. I suggest making a bimonthly date with yourself to discover and explore pleasure in your sexuality and your healing.\n\nA self-pleasuring date might go like this:\n\nFix yourself your favorite dinner\u2014just make sure you pick something that won't put you to sleep! Or you might gather fruits, breads, and cheeses to nibble on while you play.\n\nCreate a beautiful ambiance, as you would for a lover. Put on music, get yourself some flowers, light candles. Make sure the room is warm enough. Get out sex toys (if you have them), water-based lubricant, or any erotica you may enjoy.\n\nRemind yourself why you choose to masturbate. Maybe tonight your intention is to give yourself a lot of pleasure or to try a new toy. Another night your focus might be on healing a specific trigger.\n\nBegin by stroking your whole body and breathing. Use your hands, velvet, a feather. Rub your head, feet, and calves. Touch yourself lightly and then more firmly. Spread lotion or a scented oil on your body.\n\nRead an erotic story or poem you like. Pop your favorite video into the VCR.\n\nRock your hips, feeling the sensations spread throughout your body. Press your back into the bed or couch. Move around. Feel your whole body come alive.\n\nNow touch your vulva. Press your hand against your clit. Tug on your pubic hair, and press your finger into your perineum. Touch your labia with one hand while the other strokes your stomach.\n\nRub your arms. Breathe deeply, letting the pleasure and relaxation in your body grow.\n\nTell yourself that you deserve this pleasure. Grant yourself permission. Remember that you are loved and loving yourself. Tell yourself how sexy you are!\n\nGet out your vibrator and dildo. Wet the dildo with water-based lubricant and rub the tip of it around your vulva. Put the vibrator near the opening of your vagina and move slowly up toward your clit\u2026\n\nNow you make up the rest\u2026\n\nWhen you are ready to stop, stop.\n\nEven if you got triggered, didn't come, felt silly, or didn't like that new sixty-dollar sex toy, give yourself some credit. You did it! Notice that you are well and that no harm came to you. Show yourself some appreciation!\n\nOf course there are as many ways to masturbate as there are women. Your masturbation date may be more sensually focused, with no genital touching at all. Or you may orchestrate an elaborate S/M scene for one, with intense sensation play, numerous accoutrements, and imaginative fantasies. It's up to you. Do what supports your sexual healing.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Sex Toys, Fantasies, and Porn\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* A statement that using sex toys, reading erotica, and watching pornography are all popular masturbation options.\n* A statement that many people fantasize when masturbating and that some folks fantasize about people they know, others about strangers or acquaintances.\n* A quote from a woman named Jane about how she used to not masturbate, then fantasized a lot about strangers or movie stars, and now likes to float in the sensations of all of it and fantasize about her girlfriend.\n* A statement that one should be aware of how one is using fantasy and erotica and to consider whether one is enhancing one's experience, bringing oneself into one's body, or taking oneself out of one's body and using fantasy as a way to escape oneself.\n* A statement that one doesn't have to stop fantasizing to change how fantasy works for one.\n* A quote from a woman named Terri about how fantasy has always been big in her life and how it gets her out of her distracting thoughts and past the roadblocks to her sexual response.\n* A reference to chapter 12 for more information on fantasizing.", "response": "\n\n#  Sex Toys, Fantasies, and Porn\n\nUsing sex toys, reading erotica, and watching pornography are all popular masturbation options. Many people fantasize when masturbating. Some folks fantasize about people they know, others about strangers or acquaintances.\n\n> > How I masturbate has really changed over time. I used to not masturbate.  \n>  Then I fantasized a lot about strangers or movie stars. I still like to do that, and  \n>  I also like now to float in the sensations of all of it. I fantasize about my girl-friend  \n>  now, too.  \n> \n> \n> Jane\n\nBe aware of how you are using fantasy and erotica. Are you enhancing your experience, bringing yourself into your body? Do your fantasies take you out of you body? Are they a way to escape yourself? You don't have to stop fantasizing to change how fantasy works for you. See chapter 12 for more information on fantasizing.\n\n> > Fantasy has always been big in my life. It gets me out of my distracting thoughts and past the road blocks to my sexual response.\n> \n> Terri\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Compulsive Masturbation\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* A statement that some survivors compulsively masturbate to fill needs that aren't necessarily sexual.\n* A statement that survivors may masturbate to calm down or to deal with intense emotion.\n* A statement that survivors may masturbate when they feel angry or afraid, or when they feel uncomfortably close to someone.\n* A statement that compulsively masturbating can be a way to try to temper or shut down emotions related to the abuse.\n* A statement that sometimes incessant masturbating is a natural stage of healing.\n* A question that asks the reader to check in with themselves if they are masturbating more than they are comfortable with.\n* A series of questions that ask the reader what they want or need right now, such as to masturbate, to be held, to eat, or to address fear.\n* A statement that if the reader wants to masturbate, they should go ahead, but if they need something else, they should give themselves that.\n* A quote from a woman named Rosa about how she masturbated incessantly during one part of her healing and how she masturbated to memories and images of the abuse, but then it shifted and she didn't feel manic about it anymore and the abuse fantasies had lost their attraction.", "response": "\n\n#  Compulsive Masturbation\n\nSome survivors compulsively masturbate to fill needs that aren't necessarily sexual. You may masturbate to calm down or to deal with intense emotion. You may masturbate when you feel angry or afraid, or when you feel uncomfortably close to someone. Compulsively masturbating can be a way to try to temper or shut down emotions related to the abuse.\n\nSometimes incessant masturbating is a natural stage of healing. If you are masturbating more than you are comfortable with, check in with yourself. If you could have anything at all right now, what would it be? Do you want to masturbate? Do you want to be held? Are you hungry? Are you scared? If you want to masturbate, go ahead. If you need something else, give yourself that.\n\n> > I masturbated incessantly during one part of my healing. I masturbated to memories and images of the abuse. Then when I was ready, it shifted. I didn't feel manic about it anymore and the abuse fantasies had lost their attraction.\n> \n> Rosa\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Mutual Masturbation\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* A definition of mutual masturbation as masturbating with another person.\n* A statement that there are numerous benefits to mutual masturbation.\n* A statement that mutual masturbation is a good way to show your partner how you like to be touched.\n* A statement that mutual masturbation can let you find out what turns your partner on.\n* A statement that mutual masturbation can let you play at being a voyeur or an exhibitionist.\n* A statement that mutual masturbation is the most foolproof form of safer sex.\n* A statement that for some people, the thought of masturbating with someone else is inconceivable or embarrassing.\n* A quote from a woman named Evelyn about how she thinks of masturbation as private.\n* A statement that mutual masturbation can be a good option when one partner does not want to have partner sex but both partners want to be sexually intimate.\n* A quote from a man named Marty about how he finds mutual masturbation helpful in new relationships.\n* A quote from a person named JR about how mutual masturbation has helped them and their partner maintain sexual intimacy during difficult parts of their recovery.\n* A statement that many people, survivors included, find watching or being watched sexually exciting.\n* A statement that it can be exciting to watch your partner pleasure themselves in front of you.\n* A quote from a woman named Aurora about how she enjoys getting her partner turned on by watching her masturbate.", "response": "\n\n#  Mutual Masturbation\n\nMutual masturbation is masturbating with another person. One of you can masturbate while the other watches, or you can both masturbate together. There are numerous benefits to mutual masturbation. It is one of the best ways to show your partner how you liked to be touched. Some things are easier to show than to tell. You can find out what turns your partner on. Mutual masturbation can also let you play at being a voyeur or an exhibitionist, and it is the most foolproof form of safer sex.\n\nFor many, the thought of masturbating with someone else is inconceivable. Even in long-term marriages and partnerships, many people don't know how or how often their partners masturbate.\n\n> > I think of masturbation as private. I would be embarrassed to reveal that much of myself.\n> \n> Evelyn\n>\n>> For me it feels safer to masturbate with a new lover before we are sexual with each other. In the past I have been sexual with anyone who showed any interest whether I wanted to or not. This approach forces me to communicate with a lover first, to get to know him better, and then to see if I want to really be sexual with him.\n> \n> Marty\n\nMutual masturbation is a wonderful option when one of you does not want to have partner sex but you both still want to be sexually intimate.\n\n> > My girlfriend and I are both incest survivors. We have not always been on the same timeline when it came to our recovery and sex. One thing we came up with when one of us did not want to have sex for a while was to hold the other one while she masturbated. This became a way for us to keep sex in our relationship during harder parts of the healing.\n> \n> JR\n\nMany people, survivors included, find watching or being watched a big turn-on. It can be very exciting to watch your partner pleasure himself or herself in front of you, or to get your partner all turned on by watching you.\n\n> > I love getting my lover all hot just by watching me masturbate. I don't let him touch me until I say he can, no matter how steamy he gets. It is a great game.\n> \n> Aurora\n"}
{"input": "  Write a section titled \"Sex Guide Exercises\" for a chapter in \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An exercise titled \"Explore your beliefs about masturbation\" that asks the reader to consider what they learned about masturbation, who or what taught them that, and what they would say about masturbation if they could decide for themselves.\n* An exercise titled \"Make a list of the top ten reasons to masturbate\" that asks the reader to consider how masturbation could serve them and their sexual healing.\n* An exercise titled \"Create a Masturbation Discovery Log\" that asks the reader to write down what they find they like and don't like about masturbation, what works for them, what comes up for them as they masturbate, how they feel in their body, and how they are using masturbation to heal.", "response": "\n\n#  Sex Guide Exercises\n\n> 1\\. Explore your beliefs about masturbation. What did you learn about masturbation? Who or what taught you that? If you could decide what masturbation is for you, what would you say?\n\n> 2\\. Make a list of the top ten reasons to masturbate. How could it serve you and your sexual healing?\n\n> 3\\. Create a Masturbation Discovery Log. Write down what you find you like and don't like. What works for you? What comes up as you masturbate? How do you feel in your body? How are you using masturbation to heal?\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for Chapter Seven titled \"Consent and Boundaries: The 'Yes,' 'No,' and 'Maybe' of Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* A quote from a person named Jackie who finds boundaries confusing and usually follows the other person's lead in sex.\n* A quote from a person named Rebecca who realized that respecting her own boundaries around sex, saying \"no\" when she didn't want to have sex, and initiating sex when she did want it, was the fastest way for her to heal sexually.", "response": "\n\nchapter seven\n\nConsent and Boundaries: The \"Yes,\" \"No,\" and \"Maybe\" of Sex\n\n> > Boundaries are confusing. I am not really sure when to say \"yes\" and when to say \"no.\" I mostly just follow the other person's lead in sex. Maybe they know what they want.\n> \n> Jackie\n>\n>> I painstakingly came to realize that respecting my own boundaries around sex, saying \"no\" when I didn't want to have sex, and initiating sex when I did want it, was the fastest way for me to heal sexually.\n> \n> Rebecca\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the book titled \"What Is Consent?\" that includes the following:\n\n* A definition of consent as the ability to choose based on one's own internal experience and to communicate those wants, emphasizing that consent is an ongoing process and that one can change their mind at any point during a sexual encounter.\n* An explanation of the importance of being in touch with bodily sensations and knowing one's own sexual preferences and boundaries in order to practice consent.\n* Examples of various situations in which a person can say \"no,\" \"maybe,\" or \"yes\" to different sexual activities, including Marty's experience of not realizing they could say \"no\" to sex and Kate's experience of practicing communication with their girlfriend during sexual experiences.\n* A discussion of the importance of balancing one's own desires with those of one's partner, emphasizing that both people have equal say over their own sexuality and that consent does not mean disregarding the other person's feelings.", "response": "\n\n#  What Is Consent?\n\nConsent is the ability to choose, based on your own internal experience, what you want physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and sexually, and then to communicate those wants. Consent is an ongoing process of making choices. This is what therapists mean when they talk about being \"at choice.\" You can consent to one thing and not to another, or change your mind at any point in a sexual encounter. Between \"yes\" and \"no,\" there is a huge territory, which I call the land of \"maybe.\" \"Maybe\" is where you will do most of your work with boundaries.\n\nTo practice consent, you need to be in touch with the bodily sensations that let you know what you do and do not want. You need to know what you like sexually. You need enough information to make a decision that serves your interests. Finally, you need to know how to communicate your consent to your partners.\n\nYou can be hot and heavy into kissing, decide you are done for now, and choose to stop. You can be in the middle of oral sex and decide that you do not want to continue. You can say \"maybe\" to penetration, and later decide you do want to try it. You can say \"yes\" to sex as often as you like. You can ask for your stomach to be touched and your hips not. What you said \"no\" to last time might be a \"yes\" this time, and vice versa. This is a radical concept to most people, especially to survivors of childhood sexual abuse.\n\n> > I had no idea that I could say \"no\" to sex. I thought that once I started kissing  \n>  someone, that was it; I had to do whatever they wanted or else I'd be a tease.  \n>  I had a lot of sex I didn't want to have.  \n> \n> \n> Marty\n>\n>> I used to worry that changing my mind during a sexual experience would be too hard on my girlfriend. I started to practice saying what I wanted and didn't want as we went. She actually really liked it! Sometimes it slowed things down, but mostly it let us explore so much more. Our sex is a lot more interesting and hot now, and I feel known.\n> \n> Kate\n\nHaving full say about your own body does not mean disregarding others' feelings. It means that you have full say over you, while others have the same say over their bodies and sexuality. Some survivors are so unaccustomed to having control over their own sexuality that they confuse choice with selfishness. \"What about what the other person wants?\" they ask. The other person's wants are just as valid and valuable as yours\u2014just not more so. Find sexual experiences that will delight both of you, or don't be sexual together at all.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the book titled \"Sexual Abuse and Unwanted Sex\" that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation of how almost all survivors of sexual abuse report having had sex when they didn't want to, and how childhood sexual abuse teaches one to disregard their own boundaries and act on someone else's rules.\n* Personal stories from Laura and Marianne about their experiences with sexual abuse and how it taught them that \"no\" was not an acceptable response or that they were to blame for the abuse.\n* A reminder that the survivor is now the one who decides about their own body and sexual choices, and that they can say \"no\" anytime they do not want to have sex, regardless of circumstances or relationship status.\n* An example of a survivor who realized that they did not have to limit their own sexual desires based on their partner's opinions or discomfort.\n* A prompt for the reader to reevaluate the rules they learned about consent, both from their own abuse and from the culture at large, and when they are not \"allowed\" to say \"no\" or \"yes\" to sex.\n* An affirmation that the survivor is the sole owner of their own body and sexuality, and that they never have to have unwanted sex or sex based solely on another person's needs and desires, no matter the circumstances.\n* A list of examples of situations in which the survivor can choose not to have sex, such as even if they have been married for many years, even if they had sex with someone before, etc.", "response": "\n\n#  Sexual Abuse and Unwanted Sex\n\nNearly all the survivors I have worked with report having had sex when they didn't want to. It's almost as if this were taken for granted; unwanted sex becomes such a given for survivors that many hardly notice it anymore.\n\nChildhood sexual abuse teaches you to disregard your own internal sense of boundaries and to run your life by somebody else's rules. When you were abused, you did not get the opportunity to act on your internal sense of consent. You were not invited to state your boundaries, and if you managed to express your feelings, you were not heard or respected.\n\nSexual abuse can also have the effect of turning consent upside down and inside out. \"No\" meant \"yes,\" and \"yes\" meant \"no.\" Saying \"no\" had no effect or may have brought on worse abuse. You may have been manipulated into asking for sexual contact. Sexual contact may have been your only source of comfort or connection.\n\n> > \"No\" was clearly not an acceptable response to my father. The last time I tried to say \"no\" I was nine. I said \"no\" and my body froze, wouldn't cooperate. He became so outraged that he beat me, kicking me in the back, breaking my rib. \"No\" was no longer a possibility for me after this.\n> \n> Laura\n>\n>> When I was seven, I asked my grandpa to play our \"game\" that he had taught me. It was a touching game. Before then he would tickle my back and I his, but this time he began touching my legs and my chest. He molested me. I always thought it was my fault.\n> \n> Marianne\n\nIt is vital that you reintegrate the experience of choice and consent into your sex life. Regarding your body and soul, you are now the one who decides. You now have the first, middle, and last word on what you choose sexually.\n\nI often hear people make exceptions to this. \"You mean I can say 'no' to sex with my husband of eighteen years?\" Yes, you can say \"no\" anytime you do not want to have sex. While you did not have a choice about unwanted sexual contact as a child, you now get to have full choice about the kind of sex you want to have, when you want to have it, where, and with whom.\n\nAnother survivor in a workshop realized, \"These last years, as I have been coming into my sexuality, my partner has been judgmental about what I like sexually. He says something is wrong with me because my sexuality makes him uncomfortable. I am just fine. My desires are just fine. He doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to, but I also don't have to limit myself based on his opinions.\"\n\nPeople hold many unspoken rules about sex and consent: \"You can't say 'no' too many times in a row before you have to say 'yes.'\" \"You can't initiate sex too often because people will think you're a nympho.\" \"You have to finish what you started.\" Take a moment to reevaluate the rules you learned about consent both from the abuse and the culture at large. When are you not \"allowed\" to say \"no\"? When are you not \"allowed\" to say \"yes\" or initiate sex?\n\nYou never again have to have unwanted sex. You never again have to have sex based solely on another person's needs and desires\u2014no matter how convincing your partner may be, no matter how much you may love your partner, not even if your partner threatens to leave you. From this moment on, you are the sole owner of your body and your sexuality.\n\n> Even if \u2026\n> \n> Even if\u2026you have been married for twenty years, you can decline to have sex, whenever and as often as you like.\n>\n>>   \n> \n> \n> Even if\u2026you had sex with someone before, you can choose whether you want to have sex with him or her again.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Even if\u2026you have initiated sex twice already today, you can initiate sex again.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Even if\u2026you are turned on and have all your clothes off, you can choose to stop sexual activity.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Even if\u2026your partner does not want to try the things that you want, you can negotiate ways to express your sexuality on your own terms.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Even if\u2026your partner threatens to leave you, it is your choice not to be sexual.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Even if\u2026others think what you desire is strange, you can choose whatever sexual expression fits you.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Even if\u2026(add your own).\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the book titled \"Embodied Consent\" that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation of how survivors learn to override their feelings and acquiesce to others' wishes, and an invitation for the reader to reconnect with their own body and make decisions based on their own needs and desires.\n* A definition of embodied consent as making decisions about sex from inside one's own body.\n* An example from a survivor named Pam about not knowing what consent means in the actual situation.\n* An explanation of the importance of noticing one's own body sensations and signals, and an exercise for the reader to check in with their own body and identify how they know when their body says \"yes.\"\n* An explanation of how to identify the signals and sensations that appear in one's body when they do not want to engage in a certain sexual experience.\n* An explanation of how to handle contradictory feelings in the body, such as feeling sexually turned on but also scared or anxious, and examples from workshop participants about how they have learned to distinguish between different sensations.\n* Examples from survivors named Barb and Rose about making decisions about sex in their heads rather than checking in with their bodies.\n* A reminder that consent does not always feel comfortable, easy, and joyous, and that it is important to learn the difference between experiencing feelings and wanting to stop what one is doing.", "response": "\n\n#  Embodied Consent\n\nThe information that you receive from your body in the form of sensations, feelings, and intuition is key to the process of making choices. Survivors learn to override their feelings and acquiesce to others' wishes. I want to invite you back into your body now. From inside your own body, you can decide what you want sexually based on your own needs, desires, and values. I call this embodied consent.\n\n> > Consent was a good idea to me. It sounded right, but I didn't for the life of me know what that meant in the actual situation.\n> \n> Pam\n\nThe first step in embodied consent is noticing your own body sensations and signals. What are you feeling in your chest, your pelvis, your stomach? When you are doing something that you want to do, when your insides are saying \"yes,\" how do you know this? For example, one survivor I worked with said her stomach relaxes and she gets a warm sensation there when she knows it is okay for her to go ahead. Another survivor reported that she felt an openness and warmth in her pelvis and a connection to her voice and throat when she felt a \"yes.\" Check this out for yourself. How do you know when your body says \"yes\"?\n\nConversely, what signals and sensations appear in your body when you do not want to engage in a certain sexual experience? How do you know when it is not feeling right anymore? Another survivor reported: \"I start to feel panicky in my chest and want to pull away physically. I usually try to talk myself into sexual contact, telling myself, 'what's the big deal? Nothing bad is happening.' Then if I don't listen to my body, I usually check out and have sex without being there.\" When you do not want to be sexual in some way, you may notice your breathing getting short, your stomach getting tight, or your body wanting to pull away. Pay attention. This is you communicating to you. What sensations in your body communicate a \"no\" to you?\n\nAnd what about maybe? Sometimes there are a number of seemingly contradictory feelings happening in your body at once. You may feel sexually turned on in your hips and vulva, and feel pulled away in your chest. You may feel a warmth in your solar plexus, indicating the go-ahead, and be afraid or tight in your throat. What do you do then?\n\nActually, experiencing contradictory feelings is familiar territory for most survivors. Consent then becomes a matter of distinguishing what sensations are what. One workshop participant noted, \"I feel the consent to be sexual in my belly, it is a settled, sure sensation, and I can feel anxious in my chest at the same time. I am anxious when I am getting close to someone. I can count on this happening. It does not mean I do not want to be sexual. It just means I am feeling scared while I am being sexual.\" Another survivor shared, \"I usually stop having sex when my stomach gets tight. I see now, though, that my stomach being tight is me feeling stressed about being turned on. It was so awful to get turned on during the sexual molestation that my body still tries not to do it. If I just relax and acknowledge my stomach and the fear there, I can go right on being sexual. My stomach being tight does not mean I do not want to have sex.\"\n\nSometimes we make choices about sex in our heads, because it seems like a good idea, seems to make sense, when we may be feeling something entirely different in our bodies.\n\n> > I have sex when it seems right, like all the pieces are in place\u2026 I never even thought to check in with my body to see if I wanted to have sex.\n> \n> Barb\n>\n>> I didn't know I had a body, so I made almost all my decisions out of my head.  \n>  I ignored my body just like I did when I was getting abused. It seemed like a  \n>  morass of emotions and feelings that I didn't want anything to do with.  \n> \n> \n> Rose\n\nYou can end up feeling used, angry, or self-loathing after such a decision.\n\nConsent does not always feel comfortable, easy, and joyous. Sometimes a consensual sexual experience can bring up sadness, anger, or feelings of abandonment. It is important to learn the difference between experiencing feelings and wanting to stop what you are doing. You can do this by paying attention to your body and learning its language.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the book titled \"Informed Consent\" that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation of the importance of having all necessary information to make a decision about sex, including knowing your partner's willingness to practice safer sex or their availability for a certain type of relationship.\n* An explanation of the importance of knowing your own criteria for having sex.\n* An example from a survivor named Jackie about learning to ask potential partners about their safer sex practices.\n* A list of questions to ask a partner, including:\n\t+ Their willingness to practice safer sex and their STD testing history\n\t+ Their views on monogamy vs. nonmonogamy\n\t+ What they are looking for in terms of a relationship (long-term, casual, etc.)\n\t+ Their sexual preferences and whether they align with your own\n* An explanation that these questions may seem forward, but that they can save you and your partner from heartaches and headaches by promoting open communication about sex.\n* An example from a survivor named Evelyn about the importance of communicating about sex and trusting friends who encourage this.", "response": "\n\n#  Informed Consent\n\nTo practice consent, you need outside information, too\u2014all of the information necessary to make a decision. You may need to know that your partner is willing to practice safer sex or that he or she is available for the type of relationship you desire. You may need to know that your partner will stay with you through the messier moments of your healing process. What are your criteria for having sex?\n\n> > I have finally learned to ask guys I am interested in if they practice safer sex before I have sex with them. What a concept!\n> \n> Jackie\n\nHere are some questions to ask your partner:\n\n> \u2022 Are you willing to practice safer sex? Have you been tested for sexually transmitted diseases? When? What were the results?\n\n> \u2022 I am interested in being nonmonogamous (or monogamous). Where do you stand on that?\n\n> \u2022 I am looking for a long-term relationship (or a summer fling). What are you looking for?\n\n> \u2022 What do you like sexually? I like oral sex (or lots of cuddling or anal penetration). Is this something you are interested in?\n\nWhile these questions may seem rather forward, you can save yourself and others heartaches and headaches by learning to communicate about sex. You can have this conversation before you are sexual with a partner, early on in a sexual relationship, or after years in a marriage or long-term relationship.\n\n> > The idea of actually talking about sex was a shocker. You mean, say all of this out loud? Luckily, I trusted the friend who kept encouraging this. I explored what I might want to say and realized that certain things were important to me about sex and that they were worth saying.\n> \n> Evelyn\n"}
{"input": "  Write a section for the book titled \"Knowing What You Want\" that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation that knowing your desires is not about having a fixed list of sex acts, but rather about knowing what feels pleasurable or interesting to you, and what may be intriguing even if it's scary.\n* An acknowledgement that articulating your desires will involve making mistakes, such as saying \"no\" to something you wish you had tried or saying \"yes\" to something you later realize you didn't want.\n* An example from a survivor named Naomi about the challenges of figuring out boundaries and the importance of being gentle with oneself.\n* Encouragement to be one's own strongest advocate and to respect one's own sense of consent and boundaries as they would want someone they love to be respected.\n* Permission to explore and make mistakes in the process of learning about one's own desires and boundaries.", "response": "\n\n#  Knowing What You Want\n\nOf course, you have to know what you want before you can tell someone else. Your desires are not an unchanging menu of sex acts. Rather, knowing what you want means knowing what feels pleasurable or hot to you, what you are interested in exploring, and what is scary yet intriguing to you.\n\nAs you articulate your desires, you can count on making mistakes. You will end up saying \"no\" to something you wish you had tried, and you will most likely say \"yes\" to something that you later discover you did not want.\n\n> > When I first let myself start having sex, I didn't know where my boundaries were. When I messed up and had sex I didn't want to have, I felt awful\u2014like now I was betraying myself. I kept trying, though, and was easier on myself after a while. How was I supposed to be good at having boundaries when I was never allowed to have one? I had to learn.i\n> \n> Naomi\n\nBe your own strongest advocate and be gentle with yourself. Respect your own sense of consent and boundaries as you would want the person you love most to be respected. Give yourself room to explore and make mistakes.\n"}
{"input": "   Write a section for the book titled \"Communicating Consent\" that includes the following:\n\n* A quote from a survivor named Rebecca about the importance of communicating what you do and don't want when it comes to sex.\n* An explanation that while it may be scary to talk about sex, especially with a partner, good communication is essential to a healthy and empowered sex life.\n* An encouragement to practice saying aloud phrases such as \"I would like to have sex with you,\" \"I might be interested in having sex with you; I'll get back to you,\" and \"I do not want to have sex with you.\" Also suggest practicing these phrases in front of a mirror.\n* An acknowledgement that talking about sex can be uncomfortable at first, but it will become easier with practice.\n* Include quotes from survivors named Jo and Sheila about the challenges of communicating their desires and the importance of doing so despite those challenges. These quotes should touch on feelings of embarrassment, shame, and not feeling deserving of sexual pleasure.", "response": "\n\n#  Communicating Consent\n\n> > My new mantra about sex is this: If you want it, say so; if you don't want it, say so. It is up to me now to take care of me.\n> \n> Rebecca\n\nYou may find it frightening to talk about sex\u2014especially with the person you want to have sex with. Yet good sexual communication is the single most important tool you can acquire to improve and empower your sex life. Communication is how you consent\n\nTake a moment now and practice saying aloud, \"I would like to have sex with you.\" Change the words if you want to, but imagine you are inviting someone to have sex with you. Now try, \"I might be interested in having sex with you; I'll get back to you.\" And now, \"I do not want to have sex with you.\" Change \"have sex\" to another sexual activity and repeat the three statements: \"I would like to kiss you.\" \"I might be interested in touching you.\" \"I do not want to have intercourse with you.\"\n\nNow say these in front of a mirror. There you are, a person learning to talk about sex! Talking about sex will become comfortable over time. At Good Vibrations, I lost count of the number of times people thanked me for being able to speak about sex as a normal and natural part of life. People were relieved to hear me say \"vulva,\" \"clitoris,\" \"penis,\" \"anus,\" and \"balls\" without laughing or having my voice crack. This normalization of sex and sexual terms came with practice. Believe me, I wanted to giggle a lot during my training!\n\n> > Once I learned that I deserve to be sexual when I want to and not when I don't,  \n>  then I had to learn how to say it. That was weird, and harder than I'd thought.  \n>  I would get all embarrassed and shy, and not want to speak. I had to do it any-way  \n>  because I was not going to go ahead when I didn't want to anymore; I was  \n>  tired of not asking for what I wanted.  \n> \n> \n> Jo\n>\n>> Surprisingly, saying what I wanted sexually made me more nervous than saying \"no.\" I thought, \"Who am I to actually ask for the sex I want?\" I did not feel deserving of it. I felt like a slut sometimes, and I felt shame that I was being so forward. This was all muck from the abuse that I had to work through.\n> \n> Sheila\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the book titled \"\"Yes,\" \"No,\" and \"Maybe\" Vignettes\" that includes the following:\n\n* An introduction explaining that the following are stories about consent that have been collected over time while working with survivors and sexual healing.\n* An explanation that these stories are included as examples of embodied consent and communication.\n* Note that these vignettes will illustrate different scenarios where consent is clearly given, clearly denied, or somewhere in between.", "response": "\n\n#  \"Yes,\" \"No,\" and \"Maybe\" Vignettes\n\nThe following are stories about consent that I have collected over time in my work with survivors and sexual healing. I include them here as examples of embodied consent and communication:\n"}
{"input": " Write a vignette for the \"\"Yes\"\" section that includes the following:\n\n* A story about a survivor who is becoming more comfortable with their sexuality and has been learning to masturbate.\n* The survivor has the idea of inviting their spouse to watch them masturbate and decides to ask them.\n* The spouse is surprised and delighted by the proposition.\n* The survivor feels connected to their spouse while they watch and it is more exciting than they expected.\n* The survivor then asks their spouse to kiss them but not touch them while they continue to masturbate.\n* The survivor reaches climax this way and it is a positive, slightly scary, and good experience for them.", "response": "\n\n##  The \"Yes\"\n\nI was becoming more comfortable with my sexuality and had been learning to masturbate. I had the idea that I'd like to invite my husband to watch me masturbate. So, I asked him. He was surprised and delighted. I watched him watching me, and I felt connected to him. It was much more exciting than I'd expected. I asked him to kiss me but not touch me while I continued to masturbate. I came that way, kissing him. It was a little scary and so good for me.\n"}
{"input": " Write a vignette for the \"\"Maybe\"\" section that includes the following:\n\n* A story about two individuals in a long-distance relationship, with one partner staying home due to work commitments while the other attends college in another state.\n* The partner who moved away suggests trying phone sex as a way to stay connected intimately. They propose that both get vibrators or dildos and masturbate together while talking sexy over the phone.\n* The other partner is initially uncomfortable with the idea and instead of saying \"no,\" they say \"maybe\" and ask for a few days to think about it.\n* The partner reflects on what makes them uncomfortable and realizes that fear of sounding silly or not being good at it aren't good enough reasons to dismiss the idea.\n* They decide to see it as a new challenge and give it a try, starting off awkwardly but growing more confident and having fun over time.\n* The partner learns a lot about their sexuality and becomes more confident in discussing sex by engaging in phone sex.", "response": "\n\n##  The \"Maybe\"\n\nMy girlfriend moved to another state to attend college and I stayed home because of work. We could only afford to see each other periodically, and things got pretty lonely. She suggested that we try phone sex, that we both get vibrators or dildos and masturbate with each other while talking sexy over the phone. I was so uncomfortable when she asked. Instead of saying \"no,\" though, I said, \"Maybe, give me a few days to think about it.\" I thought about what made me so uncomfortable. I was scared that I might sound silly, or that I might not be very good at it. Those weren't good enough reasons for me to not do it, and I thought I could see it as a new challenge. I was awkward at first, but it was so fun over time. I learned so much about both of us sexually, and I became a lot more confident about sex and talking about sex by talking on the phone.\n"}
{"input": " Write a two-part vignette for the \"The \"No\"\" section that includes the following:\n\n* A situation where a long-term coworker asks a colleague to dinner and repeatedly pressures them to have sex. Despite the pressure, the colleague clearly states that they are not interested, and it takes the coworker three tries to understand and respect their decision.\n* A scene where a survivor of sexual abuse is in a new relationship, and their partner performs an intimate act that triggers memories of the abuse. The survivor is unsure of how to react at first, but then takes a deep breath and communicates their feelings to their partner. They explain that they like being touched but dislike the specific act that is reminiscent of the abuse. The survivor is proud of their ability to communicate their boundaries, and their partner accepts and respects these boundaries.", "response": "\n\n##  The \"No\"\n\nA long-term co-worker asked me to dinner and propositioned me. He actually put quite a lot of pressure on me to have sex. I clearly stated that I wasn't interested. It took three times before he got it.\n\n  \n\n\nI was playing around with my lover. We'd only been lovers for a few months and I hadn't talked about the incest much. He began to put his mouth on my breast in a way that really reminded me of the abuse. I didn't know what to do at first; then I took a deep breath and told him that I really liked him touching me, but I didn't enjoy him sucking on my breast like that. I told him I liked it better when he nibbled. It had taken me a lot of sexual healing to get to the place where I could do that. I was so proud of myself, and he did fine with it.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the \"Negotiate Before You Play\" chapter that includes the following:\n\n* An explanation of the practice of negotiation in the S/M community before any S/M or sexual play. Highlight that this practice can be empowering for people of any sexual persuasion.\n* Encouragement for individuals to have a conversation about sex with their partner before engaging in sexual activity. Suggest relaxed environments for this conversation, such as the kitchen table, while taking a drive or a walk.\n* Emphasis on discussing interests, boundaries, desires, and safer sex criteria during this conversation.\n* A testimonial from someone named Tracy who initially felt embarrassed about discussing boundaries but found it to be a turn-on and felt more comfortable talking during sex.\n* A suggestion for partners to talk about how to handle any triggers that may come up during sex. Encourage them to discuss dissociation and the kind of support that would be helpful in such situations.\n* A reminder that long-term partners may still have new information to learn about each other regarding sex. Encourage them to ask questions, discuss changes they would like to make, and discover new things about their partner.", "response": "\n\n#  Negotiate Before You Play\n\nIn the S/M community, there is a practice of negotiating before any S/M or sexual play. The idea is to talk about your interests, your boundaries, your desires, and safer sex before getting into the action. This practice can be empowering for people of any sexual persuasion. Talking about sex before you do it gives you the opportunity to create a sexual experience that includes your needs, desires, and boundaries.\n\nWhether you are engaging with a new sexual partner or someone you have been with for years, have a conversation about sex before you play. Choose a relaxed environment, not the bedroom or your usual sexual setting. The kitchen table can be a good spot. Or, take a drive or a walk. Talk with your partner about what you want, what you do not want, and where you feel there is room for exploring. Now is the time to talk about your criteria for safer sex. You can also use this time to bring up something you might like to change about your sex together. Ask the questions that are important to you, and find out about your partner's needs, limits, and desires. Together you can negotiate sex that will be satisfying for both of you.\n\n> > I was embarrassed to talk about my boundaries and ask questions before I was sexual. I felt like it would put a damper on the spontaneity of our attraction. It ended up being more of a turn-on, though, and I felt so much more comfortable talking during sex, too.\n> \n> Tracy\n> \n> Depending upon your level of intimacy with your partner, you can also choose to talk about how to handle any triggers that may come up during sex. You can tell her or him what you are like when you dissociate and what kind of support would be helpful. Chapter 11 discusses developing a trigger plan for sex that you can use as a template for this conversation.\n> \n> Long-term partners may think that they know each other well enough to skip these conversations. I have found, however, that this is not usually the case. Partners can learn an amazing amount of new information about each other. If you are in a long-term marriage or partnership, what have you not told your partner about sex? How would you like to change or develop your sex life? What could you discover about your partner?\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the book that includes the following:\n\n* Emphasize that a survivor has the right to their own sexual boundaries and choices, and they do not require someone else's permission.\n* Share a testimonial from someone named Janet who struggles with changing her boundaries to fit her lover's desires.\n* Discuss the possibility that a survivor may not be familiar with having their boundaries respected and how they can act on their own behalf as adults.\n* Provide examples of actions a survivor can take if their boundaries are not respected, such as restating the boundary, leaving the situation, or choosing to engage sexually with someone else who shares their interests.\n* Address the possibility that a partner may try to make a survivor feel bad about their desires and offer suggestions on how to handle this, such as asking the partner to read sex education books or inviting them to explore new territory together.\n* Encourage survivors to pay attention to potential partners' willingness to support their boundaries and respect their desires.\n* Ask survivors to reflect on their own respect for their boundaries and desires and to practice respecting themselves as they ask others to do the same.", "response": "\n\n#  Response from Others\n\nWhether or not your sexual partner is happy with your sexual boundaries or agrees with your sexual choices, you get to have them. Your needs and desires do not require someone else's permission. For many survivors, this is a difficult concept.\n\n> > It's automatic for me. If I have a boundary that my lover doesn't like, I start figuring out how to change it, how to fit me to what he wants.\n> \n> Janet\n\nAs a survivor, you may be unfamiliar with having your sexual boundaries noticed, let alone respected. One workshop participant said, \"I think I fight more than I need to about sex. I assume that my boyfriend wants me to do things I don't want to do. When I check it out with him, that's not really true.\"\n\nWhatever the response, you are free to make your own decisions and take the action necessary to back them up. As an adult, you can act on your own behalf in ways that you could not as a child when you were powerless to stop the abuse.\n\nIf your sexual partner does not respect your boundaries, you can take action to protect yourself. You have a number of options.\n\nYou can restate your boundary and a consequence for it not being respected: \"I want to use a condom when we have sex. If you are unwilling to do that, I won't have sex with you.\"\n\nYou can leave the sexual situation in order to talk in a nonsexual setting: \"I want to talk to you about this more, but outside of bed. I'm going to put my clothes on and I'll meet you in the kitchen.\"\n\nYou can leave the situation altogether: \"This is not okay for me. I am leaving now.\"\n\nIf your partner is uncomfortable with your sexual choices, she or he may try to make you feel bad about your desires. You do not have to collapse into your partner's opinion or mold yourself to fit his or her values. Again, you have options.\n\nYou can ask your partner to read sex education books or watch educational videos to learn more about the type of sex you are interested in.\n\nYou can invite your partner to explore new territory together.\n\nYou can also choose to change the nature of your relationship and engage sexually with someone else who shares your sexual interests. You get to create the sex life that works for you!\n\nWhen you chose sexual partners, pay attention to their willingness to support your boundaries. Are they able to encourage your sexual desires even if your desires are different from their own? Remember, actions speak louder than words.\n\nDo you respect your own boundaries and sexual desires? Do you edit your needs or think of yourself as bad for having your desires? Practice respecting yourself as you ask others to respect you.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the book that includes the following:\n\n* Define healthy risks as choices that take into account both well-being and growth, emphasizing their importance in sexual healing.\n* Share a testimonial from someone named Laurie about the step-by-step process of pushing through barriers to reach new plateaus in her sexual healing journey.\n* Address the misconception that the goal of sexual healing is to have sex that feels safe, explaining that feeling discomfort and fear during the healing process is normal.\n* Share a testimonial from someone named Marianne about how healing sometimes feels worse before it feels better.\n* Ask survivors to reflect on their default behavior regarding sex - do they automatically say \"no\" or \"yes\"?\n* Provide examples of healthy risks for survivors who tend to say \"no\" to sex, such as buying sexy clothes, initiating sexual experiences, or having conversations about sex with their lover.\n* Provide examples of healthy risks for survivors who tend to say \"yes\" to sex, such as setting sexual boundaries, saying \"no\" to new sexual experiences, or having conversations about boundaries with their lover.\n* Encourage survivors to consider what they would say \"no\" to if they could say \"no\" without any negative consequences.", "response": "\n\n#  Healthy Risks\n\nHealthy risks are choices that take into account both your well-being and your desire for growth. Pushing up against old limitations in order to allow more pleasure and choice into your sex life is key to sexual healing. Healthy risks push you past your comfort zone without challenging you beyond what you can handle.\n\n> > Sexual healing is a step-by-step process for me. I push through a barrier, usually  \n>  feeling terrified, get to a new plateau, then push through another barrier.  \n>  It reminds me of the tortoise and the hare; slow but steady wins the race.  \n> \n> \n> Laurie\n\nMany survivors say that they just want sex to feel safe. Unfortunately, having as your goal sex that is unthreatening and comfortable will keep you stuck. Because of the nature of sexual abuse and trauma, as you heal sexually, you will necessarily pass through times of discomfort and fear. As you take healthy risks that increase your pleasure and your choices, you will feel all the old fear, loss, and anger. This is normal. With each new sensation you allow yourself to feel, your sexuality will be freed from the control of sexual abuse.\n\n> > I think healing means feeling good. I start to feel bad and I think I must be back-sliding.  \n>  My group tells me it is the opposite\u2014that I will feel worse at times when  \n>  I am getting better. It's like cleaning out a wound.  \n> \n> \n> Marianne\n\nWhat is your default behavior? Do you automatically say \"no\" to sex? Or do you say \"yes\" without asking yourself whether you even want it?\n\nIf you are more likely to say \"no\" to sex or new sexual experiences, taking a healthy risk may mean pushing the envelope. What is one risk you can take sexually that will bring more freedom and choice into your sex life? You may want to risk buying some sexy clothes, and even wearing them on a date. Maybe you can risk initiating a sexual experience of your own design, or even a conversation with your lover about sex. What will expand the constraints on your sexual expression, while not pushing you beyond what you can handle?\n\nIf you are more likely to say \"yes\" and have a harder time finding \"no,\" a healthy risk for you may be setting a sexual boundary. You might risk not having sex if you don't want to\u2014when you might have otherwise talked yourself into it. You might say \"no\" to a new sexual experience that would push you too far. Maybe you could have a conversation with your lover about your boundaries. What would you say \"no\" to if you could say \"no\" to anything without any negative consequences?\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the book that includes the following:\n\n* Provide five exercises for survivors to practice understanding and expressing their boundaries and consensual experiences.\n* Exercise 1: Ask readers to consider two consensual sexual experiences and reflect on their physical sensations, emotions, and thought processes that indicated consent.\n* Exercise 2: Ask readers to consider two nonconsensual sexual experiences, reflect on their physical sensations, emotions, and thought processes that indicated nonconsent, and consider if and when they dissociated during these experiences.\n* Exercise 3: Encourage readers to practice saying \"yes,\" \"no,\" and \"maybe\" about sex out loud by filling in the blanks with their own sexual desires and boundaries. Suggest that they start by practicing alone and then with a friend.\n* Exercise 4: Ask readers to consider two healthy sexual risks they could take, how these risks would support their sexual healing, who could support them in taking these risks, and how they could take care of themselves in the process.\n* Exercise 5: Ask readers to reflect on their current use of safer sex practices, their risk level for contracting a sexually transmitted disease, and their standards for safer sex in their sexual relationships.", "response": "\n\n#  Sex Guide Exercises\n\n> 1\\. Consider two consensual sexual experiences you've had. What sensations and signals in your body, emotions, and thought process let you know they were consensual?\n\n> 2\\. Consider two nonconsensual sexual experiences. What sensations and signals in your body, emotions, and thought process let you know they were nonconsensual? Did you dissociate? When and how?\n\n> 3\\. Practice saying your \"yes,\" \"no,\" and \"maybe\" about sex out loud: \"I would like to ________.\" \"I might like to ___________. I do not know if I want to __________.\" \"No, I do not want to ___________.\" Fill in the blanks with your own sexual desires and boundaries. Start by saying these out loud to yourself, then try practicing with a friend. It gets easier quickly with a little practice.\n\n> 4\\. Consider two healthy sexual risks. How will these risks serve your sexual healing? Who can support you in taking these risks? How can you take care of yourself in the process?\n\n> 5\\. What forms of safer sex do you use? What is your risk level for contracting a sexually transmitted disease? What are your standards for safer sex in your sexual relationships?\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the book that includes the following:\n\n* Introduce the topic of partner sex and its potential for being both pleasurable and terrifying. Include a quote from Aurora about this experience.\n* Discuss how sex with a partner can serve various purposes, such as deep connection, pleasure, playfulness, and healing. Clarify that the purpose of sex is not limited to penetration or orgasm.\n* Emphasize that sex can involve various activities, such as kissing, touching, oral sex, anal sex, holding, and S/M.\n* Explain that like masturbation, good partner sex takes practice and learning, and that most people lack quality information about sex.\n* Include a quote from Terri about the value of being exposed to sex-positive communities and how it has helped them learn about sex.\n* Acknowledge that partner sex can bring up old feelings, sensations, and triggers related to past sexual abuse, but that it can also be a wonderful opportunity for healing.\n* Include a quote from Naomi about how their sex life has expanded as a result of doing healing work and trying new things, such as phone sex and tantra.", "response": "\n\nchapter eight\n\nPartner Sex\n\n> Sex with my lover can be the most pleasurable or the most terrifying experience. \n\nAurora\n\nSex with a partner can be a way to connect deeply with another human being, to get off, or to be silly or playful. Sex can even be a way to heal. The purpose of sex is not necessarily penetration or orgasm; you can have great sex without either one. Nor is sex limited to vaginal penetration of a woman by a man\u2014fine as that might be. Sex can involve kissing, touching, oral sex, anal sex, holding, S/M\u2014or any of the above. Sex is really what you want it to be. Sex is now up to you, your desires, and your creativity.\n\nLike masturbation, good partner sex takes practice and learning. Most of us get very little quality information about sex, yet we assume we are supposed to know magically how to do it. With quality information and a willingness to experiment, you can create the sex life you desire.\n\n> > I learned so much being exposed to the sex-positive community. Suddenly I knew all this neat stuff about sex. Now I have words to use, and ideas to try out.\n> \n> Terri\n> \n> Of course, partner sex can bring up old feelings, sensations, and triggers about your past sexual abuse. While this can be painful and frustrating, it can also be one of the most wonderful opportunities for healing.\n>\n>> My sex life has expanded by doing this healing work. I used to think sex was about intercourse and then it was over. I like things that I never knew I would, like giving head and anal sex. Now I am learning about tantra, and I've even tried phone sex.\n> \n> Naomi\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the book that includes the following:\n\n* Introduce the common feelings among childhood sexual abuse survivors that their sexual choices are wrong, deficient, perverted, or bad. Include examples of these concerns, such as being too sexually expressive, not expressive enough, too conventional, or gay.\n* Discuss the connections between childhood sexual abuse and the survivor's sexual choices and problems, emphasizing the belief that they are bad no matter what they want or don't want.\n* Explain that this feeling of being bad is a result of internalized shame and self-blame caused by the abuse, and that many survivors do not give themselves permission to explore sexually for this reason.\n* Clarify that the survivor's sexuality is not bad and that they did nothing wrong.\n* Include quotes from Evelyn, Janie, and Maria that illustrate their experiences with feeling bad about their sexuality and how they have worked to accept themselves sexually.", "response": "\n\n#  The Good, the Bad, and\u2026the Pleasurable?\n\nI have found that most survivors of childhood sexual abuse, no matter what their sexual preference or orientation, feel that what they do sexually is somehow wrong, deficient, perverted, or just plain bad. Sound familiar? Survivors I have worked with are concerned that the abuse has made them too sexually expressive, not sexually expressive enough, too conventional, or gay!\n\nThere are many connections between childhood sexual abuse and your sexual choices and problems. Perhaps most problematic is this belief that no matter what you want or don't want, you are bad. This feeling of being bad is a result of the abuse, which caused you to internalize shame and self-blame. Many survivors do not give themselves permission to explore sexually for this reason. Contrary to your beliefs, your sexuality is not bad and you did nothing wrong.\n\n> > Each time I would go out on a limb and enjoy myself sexually, I would feel like  \n>  I had been too wild, or too expressive, and I would try to tone it down. I am  \n>  really very conventional about sex, so I don't know what I felt was so wrong,  \n>  besides the sheer fact of enjoying it.  \n> \n> \n> Evelyn\n>\n>> I express myself sexually in lots of ways that are unconventional. I am into  \n>  S/M and I am bisexual. I have felt bad about this, like I am fucked up, or  \n>  wrong. I have worked on just accepting me\u2014accepting that what turns me on  \n>  turns me on and I like what I like.  \n> \n> \n> Janie\n>\n>> I blather on about how much I want joy and sex in my life; then when I get it,  \n>  I turn around and run screaming in the other direction.  \n> \n> \n> Maria\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the book that includes the following:\n\n* Introduce the concept of a \"Sex Basics Checklist\" to help survivors of childhood sexual abuse establish a healthy basis for their sexuality and navigate confusing turns or triggers during sexual encounters.\n* Include a checklist of six basic principles that survivors can follow to help them determine when sex is good for them, when it's okay to follow their desires, or whom to have sex with. The checklist should cover the following:\n\t1. Breathe: Encourage the reader to breathe while talking about or thinking about sex to establish a habit of being relaxed and present when being sexual.\n\t2. Stay in your body: Encourage the reader to feel sensations in their body and move around if needed to understand what they want and where their boundaries are.\n\t3. Be present: Encourage the reader to be present with themselves and their partner, noticing their surroundings, mood, and thoughts.\n\t4. Practice consensual sex: Remind the reader to ensure that all parties are consenting to the sexual activity and that they are making decisions based on their own needs and desires.\n\t5. Ensure your safety: Encourage the reader to assess their physical, mental, and emotional safety, and make sure they have the power to take care of themselves in the current situation.\n\t6. Practice safer sex: Encourage the reader to assess their risk for sexually transmitted diseases with their partner and act on that information using safer-sex measures.\n* Emphasize that this checklist is not about judging specific sexual preferences or activities, but rather about helping the reader build an embodied, self-referential sexuality based on their own needs and desires.", "response": "\n\n##  Your Sex Basics Checklist\n\nSo how do you determine when sex is good for you? When it's okay to follow your desires? Or even whom to have sex with? There are basic principles you can follow that can help you establish a healthy basis for your sexuality. You can use the following checklist to help you consider the sex you are having, or are interested in having, or to help steer yourself through confusing turns or triggers in a sexual encounter.\n\n> 1\\. BREATHE.\n> \n> Are you breathing? Is your breath shallow or filling your belly and chest? Breathe while you are talking about sex or even thinking about sex. This way, you'll get into the habit of being relaxed and present when being sexual.\n\n> 2\\. STAY IN YOUR BODY.\n> \n> Can you feel sensations in your chest, arms, and legs? Move around if you need to. Feeling your body becomes your reference point for knowing what you want and where your boundaries are.\n\n> 3\\. BE PRESENT.\n> \n> Are you in the room? Notice your surroundings. Are you present with yourself? What is your mood, what are your thoughts? Remind yourself, Here I am, I am here. Are you present with your partner? Notice your partner. Look at her or him. Your partner is there with you.\n\n> 4\\. PRACTICE CONSENSUAL SEX.\n> \n> Is this sex consensual for all parties? Do you want to be doing what you are doing? Remember, you can be afraid and still want to engage in sex. And you can feel aroused physically even when you are doing something you don't want to be doing. Ask yourself if your decision to be sexual is based upon your own needs and desires. That is the place to say \"yes\" from. Remember that \"yes,\" \"no,\" and \"maybe\" are all valid responses to any given sexual situation.\n\n> 5\\. ENSURE YOUR SAFETY.\n> \n> Check your physical, mental, and emotional safety. Are you sober and drug-free? Is your partner? Are you in a place that is safe for you? You may feel afraid if you are triggered or if you are taking a risk sexually, but this is different from being unsafe. Do you have the power in the current situation to take care of yourself, to ensure your own well-being physically, emotionally, and sexually? If the answer is \"yes,\" then you are most likely in a safe situation.\n\n> 6\\. PRACTICE SAFER SEX.\n> \n> Have you assessed your risk for sexually transmitted diseases with your partner? Are you acting on this information, using safer-sex measures? If your partner refuses to practice safer sex, he or she does not get to have the wonderful opportunity to be sexual with you. Period.\n\n  \n\n\nAs you can see, this checklist is not about whether it's okay to like bondage, or kissing, or having sex with more than one person at a time. You can decide what is acceptable and enjoyable for you. Who else would know that? What this checklist will do is help you build an embodied, self-referential sexuality, one in which you are in your body, present for the experience, and doing what you love, enjoy, like, and want, based upon your own needs. What a concept, huh?\n"}
{"input": "  Write a section for the book that includes the following:\n\n* Introduce the concept that using the Sex Basics Checklist and focusing on embodied, self-referential sexuality will involve exploration and learning for the reader.\n* Emphasize that the reader may experience unfamiliar feelings or situations as they learn to be present and in their body during sex.\n* Acknowledge that the reader will likely make mistakes along the way, such as engaging in activities they later realize they didn't want to do.\n* Encourage the reader to view these mistakes as a natural part of the learning process and remind them that they will improve with practice.\n* Include a personal anecdote about a survivor who made a mistake in a sexual situation, such as not speaking up when they felt uncomfortable, and how they dealt with the aftermath of that mistake.", "response": "\n\n##  Mistakes\n\nUsing this approach will mean exploring. You may be in your body and breathing during sex for the first time. This can be a strange and unfamiliar experience. You will probably make mistakes along the way, even do things you realize later that you didn't want to do. As when learning anything new, you'll get better at partner sex with practice. Your mistakes are an essential part of the learning process.\n\n> > I had sex with a woman when I didn't want to. She sucked on my breasts in a way that really triggered me, and I didn't tell her to stop. I took the \"bear it till it's over\" approach. I felt horrible for days. I felt like I had betrayed myself, my little girl, in a way I'd promised I never would. I finally dealt with it by apologizing to myself and holding my breasts tenderly, washing the experience out of them. I realized I am learning. Although I have been so sexualized, I have had little sex that was about and for me.\n> \n> Kathy\n"}
{"input": " \n\nWrite a section for the book that includes the following:\n\n* Discuss the importance of choosing a sexual partner based on personal desires, needs, and values.\n* Encourage the reader to consider what they want from a sexual partnership, such as a fling, dating, a lover, or a life partner.\n* Address the topic of emotional intimacy and whether the reader wants to be involved with someone who is sexual with others or if they want to engage in sexual activities with others as well.\n* Suggest specific questions for the reader to consider when evaluating a potential partner, such as their preferences for various forms of sexual expression and their capacity for emotional intimacy.\n* Mention the possibility of inviting a partner to be involved in the reader's sexual healing and whether the reader will disclose their history of abuse.\n* Include personal anecdotes from survivors who have learned to be more intentional about choosing partners based on their desires and needs, as well as those who have struggled with this aspect of relationships.\n* Emphasize the importance of paying attention to a partner's behavior as a way of evaluating the potential and limitations of the relationship.\n* Highlight the common tendency among survivors to settle for less than they want in a relationship and encourage the reader to hold out for their \"wildest dreams.\"", "response": "\n\n#  Choosing Sexual Partners\n\nYou can choose your partners based upon your desires, needs, and values. Can your prospective partner give you what you are looking for in a sexual partnership? Do you want a fling, someone to date, a lover, or a life partner? Do you care if your partner is sexual with others? Do you want to be sexual with others as well? Do you want an emotionally intimate relationship? Does this person have the capacity for that? Does this person like tantra, S/M, lunchtime quickies, tender evenings of lovemaking, or any other form of sexual expression you may prefer? Do you want to invite your partner to be involved in your sexual healing? Will you tell him or her about your abuse? These are questions to ask yourself and to talk about with your partner.\n\n> > I never thought much about what I wanted from a lover. I'd just be attracted to someone, or more often, someone would ask me out and I'd go. I'd have sex with them until I realized I didn't necessarily like it\u2014or until it would just end.\n> \n> Marie\n>\n>> What do I want from a lover? This is a good question. I have been involved with a number of people with whom I wasn't sexually compatible. I am just now saying this is a priority for me.\n> \n> Rain\n\nWhen you enter into a new sexual relationship, notice whether your partner's behavior matches his or her words. Behavior is the proof in the pudding. What does this mean? It means knowing what you want and watching to see if the other person can offer it to you. This is not a test but rather a way of being awake to the potential (and limitations) of the relationship.\n\nTalk about what you want, talk about what your partner wants, and watch your partner's and your own behavior. Your intentions for caring for each other may be fabulous, but your behavior will reveal what you each are able to give and receive right now.\n\nMany survivors build relationships on hope and projection, settling for a fraction of what they want because at least it is something. When you are used to being mistreated, or unused to being loved and cared for, a little can look like a lot. Keep returning to your heart's desires. Don't be afraid to hope for your wildest dreams. Your dreams may not come true in exactly the form you expect, but they will serve as a guide to better choices. The more good things you expect for yourself, the more you can align your actions with your dreams, and the more likely you are to get what you want.\n\n> > I have learned and learned well to find out what I want and go for it. It has been tricky to receive it once it comes, however. I get uncomfortable and start to doubt whether I deserve it or not. I want to pull away.\n> \n> Anna\n>\n>> I always seem to fall in love with people who aren't available. One was married, another emotionally unavailable. I am not really attracted to people who are ready for a relationship, it seems.\n> \n> Jo\n"}
{"input": " \n\nWrite a section for the book that includes the following:\n\n* Discuss the challenges survivors of childhood sexual abuse may face when it comes to trust.\n* Mention the tendency of some survivors to grant trust too easily, while others struggle to trust even those who are trustworthy.\n* Introduce the three factors to consider when deciding whether to trust someone: competency, consistency over time, and a congruency between words and behavior.\n* Provide an example of how someone may be competent in one area (e.g., playing the piano) but not in another (e.g., communicating about sex and healing).\n* Emphasize the importance of consistency over time in building trust, using an example of someone respecting boundaries consistently.\n* Address the issue of trustworthiness when someone's words match their actions, and the difficulty in building trust when there is a discrepancy between the two.\n* Include a personal anecdote from a survivor who has learned to be more discerning about granting trust.\n* Summarize the three factors for building trust in a concise, bullet-point format.", "response": "\n\n##  Trust\n\nBecause childhood sexual abuse violates trust, trust can be a tricky topic for most survivors. Some survivors grant trust to people long before they have earned it, and others do not trust even those whose trustworthiness has been demonstrated. When you are looking to trust someone, consider these three factors: competency, consistency over time, and a congruency between words and behavior.\n\n> > I thought trust was some objective thing that was \"good\" to do. So I just trusted  \n>  everyone. This of course was a bad idea, because there are people out there  \n>  who aren't trustworthy, or with whom I don't want to be that intimate.\n> \n> Melanie\n\nAsk yourself whether the person in question is competent or has the skills and tools you want. Look for competence in the areas that are important to you. Someone may be competent at playing the piano but not competent at knowing how to communicate about sex and healing. Of course, your partner can learn new skills if she is committed to doing so, and this means that your trust in that area may build as she becomes better at it.\n\nTrustworthiness is also shown when someone is consistent over time. If someone promises you that he will respect your boundaries and does so consistently over time, than he can earn your trust.\n\nLast, trust is built when someone's words match her actions. Does she do what she says she will? If someone consistently says one thing and does another, there is not much room for building trust.\n\n> Trust\n>\n>> 1\\. Competency.\n>\n>> 2\\. Consistency.\n>\n>> 3\\. Congruence between words and deeds.\n"}
{"input": "\n\nCreate a section for the book that includes the following:\n\n* Encourage readers to talk about sex outside of the bedroom and explain why communication is essential for a satisfying sex life.\n* Explain the importance of self-knowledge in communicating desires, preferences, and boundaries.\n* Provide quotes from survivors about the benefits of open communication in their sex lives.\n* Offer practical tips and guidelines for talking about sex with a partner or potential partner:\n\t+ Talk about sex outside of the place where you are going to have sex (e.g., at the kitchen table, over coffee, or during a walk).\n\t+ Speak positively about sex, desires, and the partner.\n\t+ Be specific in communication, using specific sexual words and concrete examples.\n* Provide examples of specific communication, such as expressing likes and dislikes or favorite touch techniques.\n* Encourage showing, rather than just telling, a partner how to touch or please them.\n* Mention the concept of negotiation in S/M play and suggest using this approach for planning and discussing sexual encounters, regardless of whether the reader is into S/M or not.\n* Discuss the importance of communication in safer sex practices, including assessing risk level, planning, and handling disagreements before sexual activity begins.", "response": "\n\n#  Let's Talk About Sex\n\nYou don't have to wait until you get into the bedroom to talk about sex. Please don't wait, in fact. If you do, you'll be missing out on the most important tool for creating the sex life you want\u2014communication.\n\nLearning to talk about sex will increase your satisfaction with your sex life more than any other technique. If you spend the next year just focused on learning how to talk about sex and sexual healing, you will have given your sex life a huge boost.\n\nCommunication involves some self-knowledge and willingness to share that with another. The more experienced you are with your own desires, the ways you like being touched, and your own process of recovery, triggers, and healing, the easier the communication and interaction with another will be.\n\n> > Knowing how to talk about sex has been the most empowering thing for me. I can tell my partners what I like and want; I can be responsible for my own pleasure by communicating.\n> \n> Anna\n>\n>> Negotiating scenes with my lovers is so amazing. I have complete say now as to what is going to happen, what will turn me on, and how to be with me if I get triggered. I tell my lovers up front what the signs are if I am getting triggered and how far I can push my boundaries there.\n> \n> Rebecca\n\nWhen talking about sex with a partner or potential partner, some simple rules prove useful:\n\nFirst, talk about sex outside of the place where you are going to have sex. Sit at the kitchen table, talk over a cup of coffee at a caf\u00e9, or take a walk. This will assist you both in becoming more comfortable integrating sexual talk into everyday settings, and you will not be quite as vulnerable as when you're naked, halfway into something hot and heavy. Before having sex is the time to talk about safer-sex practices as well.\n\nSecond, speak positively about sex, your desires, yourself, and your partner. We all tend to take feedback about sex very personally at first. If you want your partner to try something new or to change something he does, first let him know how much you like him touching you. Then add that you'd like to try something new or change the touch.\n\nThird, be as specific as possible in your communication. This takes practice for most people. Use specific sexual words, such as penis, ass, vulva, pussy, clit, breasts, nipples, anus, dick, G-spot, tongue, vagina, and prostate. Practice saying these words aloud now. Go ahead, just say them. Add your own, too. Let yourself laugh. Most of us still feel silly learning how to talk about sex.\n\nWhen talking about your desires, or fantasies, or asking your partner for a certain touch, be concrete and specific. For example, you might say that you like your clit touched in a circular motion on the left side, or that you do not like your clit stimulated directly but prefer the touch to be lower down, underneath it. If you like to be penetrated and then use a vibrator to take yourself over the top, spell that out. The more you communicate, the more satisfying your sexual experience will be and the more likely your partner will be to relax and join in.\n\n> > I finally took a deep breath and told her, \"I love it when you use your teeth on  \n>  my nipple and when you roll my nipple between your fingers; that feels great.  \n>  I don't like it when you suck my whole breast into your mouth. It feels uncomfortable  \n>  to me.\" I thought she would freak out, but she didn't. She was glad to  \n>  know what I liked and what I didn't.  \n> \n> \n> Jeanie\n\nAs you let your sexual partner know what you like, showing her may also help. Getting around someone else's anatomy is not as easy as you might think. Show your partner how you like to be touched. Let her hand rest on yours to pick up the rhythm or the pressure.\n\n> > It can be hard to explain how I like my clit touched. I like some pressure, but not too much, and I like it to the side of my clit, not directly on it. I have turned showing my lover how and where I want him to touch me into a sexy game.\n> \n> Cheryl\n\nIn S/M, sex scenes are negotiated before the play begins. Sex partners talk about what they want, and maybe share fantasies or what they hope to heal. Whether you are into S/M or not, you can use this approach. Try planning out a sexual encounter with your partner before you begin. What are your sexual fantasies? What would make it a great experience?\n\nSafer sex also takes communication. It is important to assess your risk level and plan what you are going to use for safer sex before you are sexual. You then have the chance to handle any disagreements and gather supplies before you are in the middle of sex. If you need to reassess or to demand that someone comply with safer sex smack dab in the midst of the action, please do so.\n"}
{"input": " \n\nCreate a section for the book that includes the following:\n\n* Address the fear of talking about sex and reassure the reader that they are not alone in feeling this way.\n* Emphasize that communicating well about sex is a learned skill.\n* Suggest reading sex education books and erotica as a way to see how people openly discuss sex, pick up vocabulary, and learn different styles for talking about sex.\n* Encourage the reader to practice saying sexual words out loud to get comfortable with them.\n* Provide examples of expressing desires or preferences, such as asking a partner to touch your breasts or press their hips into you.\n* Share a testimonial from a survivor about how speaking up and communicating openly improved their sex life.\n* Highlight the benefits of communicating about sex, such as getting more of what pleases you and giving your partner more of what pleases them.", "response": "\n\n##  The Fear of Sex Talk\n\nIf talking to your sex partner about sex freaks you out, you are not alone. Most folks, survivors or not, are very uncertain about how to talk about sex. Communicating well about sex is a learned skill. A good way to get your feet wet is to read sex education books and erotica to see that people actually do talk openly about sex. This is also a great way to pick up vocabulary words and different styles for talking about sex. Then it's a matter of trying it yourself.\n\nYou can start by writing a list of sexual words you are uncomfortable with, and in the privacy of your own space, practice saying them aloud. Try out words you might not necessarily use, or words that you think are too risqu\u00e9, like cunt or cock. Next, practice saying what you want: \"I would really like you to touch my breasts and firmly squeeze my nipples,\" or \"I'd like you to press your hips into me.\" It may seem terrifying at first, but you'll be amazed at how quickly you catch on. Communicating about sex allows you to get more of what pleases you and give your partner more of what pleases her or him. It is one of those win-win situations.\n\n> > Sex got so much better when I learned to speak up. I used to try to silently adjust myself to make something feel better, which didn't always work. I read a couple of books about sex, and that helped a lot. I saw that other people can talk about it, so I figured I can, too.\n> \n> Maria\n"}
{"input": "  \n\nCreate a section for the book that includes the following:\n\n* Discuss the question of whether to disclose a history of sexual abuse to a sexual partner.\n* Encourage individuals in long-term intimate relationships to disclose their experiences, but acknowledge that some people may be uncomfortable doing so.\n* Suggest examining the fear behind not disclosing and considering the potential healing benefits of an intimate partnership.\n* Share a testimonial from a survivor about when they chose to disclose their experiences of abuse to their partner.\n* Explain the tendency for survivors to default to isolation or overexposure due to the secrecy and destruction of boundaries associated with childhood sexual abuse.\n* Emphasize the importance of disclosing at the right time, which is after establishing trust with a partner.\n* Prepare the reader for various responses from partners and remind them that partners will have different capacities for hearing about sexual abuse.", "response": "\n\n##  Disclosure: To Tell or Not to Tell\n\nFor many survivors, there is the question of whether or not to tell a sexual partner about your experience of abuse. If you are in a long-term intimate relationship, I encourage you to tell your partner. If you are uncomfortable doing so or you don't want to, I suggest you take a look at that fear and at your relationship. An intimate partnership can be a supportive and loving place to heal. And all of you gets to be loved and appreciated now, including the truth of your history. You no longer need to hide yourself away from those you are close to.\n\n> > I am comfortable talking about the incest I experienced, but I take much longer and require more trust with a person before I am willing to talk about my experiences of ritual abuse. I waited a year into my relationship with my girlfriend to tell her about it.\n> \n> Rose\n\nBecause of the secrecy of childhood sexual abuse and the destruction of healthy boundaries, survivors tend to default to isolation or overexposure. Some survivors never tell anyone about what happened to them, tucking it away from present-day life. This keeps a survivor isolated and still in shame. Other survivors tell everyone about their abuse or disclose more information than a relationship is ready for. Many survivors who overexpose have a hard time keeping intimate friends and relationships.\n\nWhen do you tell? A good time to tell is after you have established some trust with your partner. If you are entering a new partnership, and you want to know if your potential partner can handle being involved with a survivor who is healing, you may speak about your history sooner rather than later. Be prepared for any number of responses. Partners will have their own capacities for being able to hear about sexual abuse.\n"}
{"input": " \n\nCreate a section for the book that includes the following:\n\n* Discuss how and where to meet sexual and intimate partners, emphasizing that it depends on what the reader is looking for.\n* Encourage the reader to think about their criteria for a sexual mate and be clear about it to make the process easier.\n* Mention common places where people meet their sexual partners, such as school, work, or through friendship circles and communities.\n* Suggest alerting friends and others in the reader's social network about their desire for a sex partner or mate.\n* Advise looking for sexual partners in places where the reader feels most themselves or empowered.\n* Provide examples of places where potential partners might be found, such as business or personal development classes, clubs, sports teams, outdoor clubs, online chat rooms, or volunteer jobs.\n* For those specifically seeking a sexual play partner, suggest phone sex lines, online discussion groups, sexual play parties, or a sex-focused club or political organization.\n* Note the availability of online resources and the prevalence of play parties and sex-focused organizations in larger cities.", "response": "\n\n#  How to Meet Sexual Partners\n\nThe how and where of meeting sexual and intimate partners depends, of course, on what you are looking for. Do your homework by thinking about what is important to you in a sexual mate. The clearer you are about your criteria, the easier the process will be.\n\nMost people meet their sexual partners at school or work, or through their friendship circles and communities. If you are serious about wanting a sex partner or mate, alert your friends and others in your social network. Tell them what you want and why. People love to play matchmaker.\n\nLook for sexual partners in places where you do things you enjoy doing already. Where do you feel most yourself or most empowered? Start there. You might meet potential partners in business or personal development classes, clubs that interest you, your sports team, an outdoor club, online chat rooms, or a volunteer job. Some people place personal ads or use phone, online, or professional dating services.\n\nIf you are looking specifically for a sexual play partner, you may want to try phone sex lines, online discussion groups, sexual play parties, or a sex-focused club or political organization. While play parties and sex-focused organizations are usually located in larger cities, online discussion groups and phone sex lines are widely available.\n"}
{"input": " \n\nCreate a section for the book that includes the following:\n\n* Discuss the pleasures of flirting and kissing, emphasizing that they can be friendly, sensual, or erotic.\n* Provide an example of someone who enjoys kissing and the game they play with their partner.\n* Note that kissing and flirting are learned skills, and share examples of first experiences with French kissing.\n* Encourage the reader to explore different ways to kiss, such as using more or less pressure, changing how they use their tongue, or using their teeth and nibbling on their partner's lips.\n* Suggest asking a partner how they would like to be kissed and communicating about what the reader likes and dislikes in a kiss.\n* Include a personal story about someone who spoke up about their preferences in kissing and the positive outcome that resulted.", "response": "\n\n#  Flirting and Kissing\n\nFlirting and kissing are among the great pleasures of life. You can flirt with a glance or a brief conversation, or by sharing a momentary exchange of energy with someone who attracts you. Your kisses can be friendly and sensual or sizzling with eroticism.\n\n> > I can kiss for hours. I like bringing all of my focus into my lips, and my lips touching hers. We play a game where we are not allowed to go beyond kissing for an entire date. The variety of kisses you can find when you are not in a rush to move on is amazing.\n> \n> Pamela\n\nKissing and flirting, like any other aspect of sex, are learned skills. Can you remember your first consensual French kiss? Did you know what you were doing? Most of us didn't.\n\n> > I French kissed a boy for the first time in sixth grade. I really wanted to. I was coming into my own desire. It was wet and sloppy; I didn't know to swallow my saliva. It was pretty messy, but also erotic.\n> \n> Roslyn\n\nYou can discover many enjoyable ways to kiss. Try kissing with more or less pressure. Try changing how you use your tongue by making it softer or more firm. Explore by using your teeth and nibbling on your partner's lips. Ask your partner how he would like to be kissed. Try that. Let your partner know what about her kisses you like and how you would like to be kissed.\n\n> > Finally speaking up for myself about kissing was a huge deal. I used to hate how my boyfriend kissed me, and I wouldn't say anything. It didn't feel intimate, but felt more like something I wanted to get away from. He was angry and ashamed when I finally told him that I didn't like our kissing. But we worked it through and tried different ways to kiss that made me feel like I wanted to be there.\n> \n> Debbie\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the book that includes the following:\n\n* Emphasize the different roles sex plays in people's lives, such as being a way to be close with another person, to relax and release, to feel good, and to heal.\n* Encourage the reader to have fun with sex as they heal, whether they are engaging in sexual healing alone or with a partner or multiple partners.\n* Describe sex as being fun, funny, silly, engaging, and expansive.\n* Through learning about sex, help the reader understand that sex is no longer a weapon being used against them and that it can be pleasurable and support their well-being.", "response": "\n\n#  Go Out There and Have Fun!\n\nSex plays numerous roles in our lives. It is a way to be incredibly close with another, to relax and release, to get off and feel good, and to heal. As you heal sexually, remember to get out there and have some fun with sex, too. Whether you are engaging in sexual healing by yourself, with a partner, or with a number of lovers, sex can be fun, funny, silly, engaging, and expansive. Through learning about sex, you can begin to understand in your body that sex is no longer a weapon being used against you. Sex can be pleasurable and support your well-being.\n"}
{"input": "  Write a section for the book that includes the following:\n\n* Provide a list of exercises for readers to explore their sexual desires and boundaries.\n* The first exercise should encourage the reader to brainstorm what they want in a sexual partnership, whether that be dating, long-term relationships, or introducing different ways of having sex in their current relationship. They should write about this in a journal for at least fifteen minutes.\n* The second exercise should instruct the reader to have a non-sexual conversation with their sexual partner or a friend about their sexual likes and desires.\n* The third exercise should encourage the reader to set up a sex date with their partner where they agree not to engage in penetrative or oral sex, instead exploring other ways of touching and being together sexually.\n* The fourth exercise should prompt the reader to pay attention to their body during sexual activity, noticing where they feel sensations and where they do not. They should also try to be attentive to their sensations while still being present with their partner.\n* The fifth exercise should encourage the reader to write in a journal about their experiences and continue practicing these exercises.", "response": "\n\n#  Sex Guide Exercises\n\n> 1\\. What do you want in a sexual partnership? Do you want to date? Do you want a long-term partnership? Do you want to introduce different ways of having sex into your current relationship? Let yourself brainstorm numerous possibilities. If you could have your heart's desire, what would that be? Write about this in your journal for at least fifteen minutes.\n\n> 2\\. In a neutral, nonsexual setting, talk to your sexual partner or a friend about what you like or want to try sexually.\n\n> 3\\. Set up a sex date with your sexual partner during which you agree not to have penetrative or oral sex. Use the time to explore other ways of touching and being together sexually.\n\n> 4\\. As you are sexual with your partner or lover, attend to being present in your own body. Feel the sensations in your whole body, from your arms to your legs, head, and feet. Where do you notice sensations? Where are you blank or void? Where is it comfortable to feel? Where do you want to move away from your sensation? Can you be attentive to the sensations in your body and be with your partner at the same time?\n\n> 5\\. Write in a journal about what you have noticed and learned. Keep practicing.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the book that includes the following:\n\n* Start with personal testimonies from survivors of sexual abuse about their experiences with oral sex. Some may have positive experiences, while others may still struggle with it.\n* Define oral sex and provide its official and slang terms.\n* Discuss the social stigma around oral sex and contrast it with the prevalence of the practice according to sexual behavior surveys.\n* Address concerns about cleanliness and strong smells or tastes associated with oral sex, and provide solutions such as thorough washing and using latex barriers.\n* Suggest resources for learning about oral sex, such as books and how-to videos.\n* Emphasize the importance of communication with one's partner about their likes and dislikes regarding oral sex, and suggest asking for specific feedback.", "response": "\n\nchapter nine\n\nOral Sex\n\n> Even though I was made to perform oral sex during my abuse, I love it now.  \n>  It is one of my favorite ways to give to my partner.  \n> \n\nAurora\n\n> I still can't stand someone going down on me. This is how my stepfather would get me aroused, and I blank out when I try.\n\nBarb\n\nOral sex is mouth-to-genital or mouth-to-anus sex. It involves kissing, sucking, licking, or nibbling your partner's penis, clitoris and vulva, or anus\u2014or your partner licking yours. The official name for mouth-to-penis sex is fellatio; slang terms include giving head, blow job, and sucking cock. Cunnilingus is mouth-to-vulva-and-clitoris sex. Going down on a woman and eating her out are slang terms for cunnilingus. Rimming is slang for analingus, or mouth-to-anus sex.\n\nOral sex gets a bad rap socially. It is still on the books as illegal in some states, even between married couples in private. In sexual behavior surveys, however, the majority of people report that they practice oral sex. Many people rate oral sex as their favorite sexual activity.\n\nSome people are concerned about cleanliness, or strong smells and tastes associated with oral sex. You can take care of this by washing thoroughly before oral sex or by using latex barriers.\n\nThere are lots of ways to learn about oral sex. Numerous books have come out in recent years that provide quality information and are good reads. How-to videos are also available on the subject. Of course, the best way to learn about your partner's likes and dislikes regarding oral sex is to ask. Ask your partner to be specific about his or her likes. If your partner can't give you specifics, try different touches and ask for feedback.\n"}
{"input": "  Write a section for the book that includes the following:\n\n* Start with a personal anecdote about the author's changing perspective on cunnilingus from childhood to adulthood.\n* Define cunnilingus and describe the different techniques, such as licking, sucking, and nibbling on the clitoris, labia, or the whole vulva. Mention that many women like to be penetrated with fingers or a dildo while receiving oral sex.\n* Explain that different pressure, placement of the tongue, and rhythms are enjoyable for different women. Encourage communication about preferences between partners.\n* Provide examples of personal testimonies from women about their experiences with cunnilingus.\n* Address the myth that the vulva is dirty and explain that the mouth actually carries more bacteria and germs than the vulva.\n* Acknowledge that not everyone likes cunnilingus due to various reasons, such as feeling it's dirty, past abuse, or simply personal preference.\n* Discuss the idea that cunnilingus involves a certain kind of surrender, which can be challenging for survivors of sexual abuse to accept.\n* Provide a personal testimony about overcoming the worry of taking up too much time during cunnilingus and understanding that the partner enjoys giving pleasure in this way.", "response": "\n\n#  Cunnilingus\n\nOkay, girlfriends, cunnilingus it is. I remember that when I first learned about cunnilingus as a kid, I thought it sounded like one of the grossest things I could imagine. Funny, how things look a bit different from an adult perspective.\n\nCunnilingus can include licking, sucking, and nibbling on the clitoris, the labia, or the whole vulva. Many women like to be penetrated with fingers or a dildo while receiving oral sex. The tongue can also be used for penetration, but naturally it can go only so far.\n\nThere are many ways to go down on a woman. Different pressure, placement of the tongue, and rhythms are enjoyable for different women. Ask you partner what she likes best. Tell him what works for you. Do you like your entire vulva to be licked? Do you like the tongue to be flat, or do you enjoy the tip of the tongue? Do you like stimulation directly on your clitoris, to one side, or on the hood? Most women appreciate a steady rhythm and pressure just before and through orgasm. Changing tactics or pressure right before a woman comes usually doesn't work well.\n\n> > Getting head (that's my name for getting eaten out) is the only way I can come with a partner.\n> \n> Daren\n>\n>> Having my husband go down on me is both relaxing and such a turn-on. I love it!\n> \n> Sally\n\nNot everyone likes cunnilingus. Some feel that it is dirty \"down there\" and not a place where you want to put your mouth. This myth of the vulva being dirty still has a hold in our culture, although your mouth actually carries many more bacteria and germs than your vulva. Some people also find cunnilingus triggering because of past abuse, and others simply don't like it.\n\n> > That is how my perp would make me have an orgasm. Then, of course, he  \n>  would say I liked it and the whole thing was my fault. That is so fucked up.  \n>  How was him manipulating me and my body my fault? I am still uncomfortable  \n>  with someone going down on me, though. I lose track of where I am and  \n>  who it is.  \n> \n> \n> Liz\n>\n>> I like getting it, but I don't like giving it. This doesn't always go over well with my girlfriend.\n> \n> Jeanie\n\nCunnilingus involves a certain kind of surrender. Your partner is focusing on you and your pleasure. As a survivor, this can be challenging for you to take in.\n\n> > I used to worry about time when my fianc\u00e9 was going down on me. I thought he must be bored, or that I was taking up too much time. I am slowly getting it that he is disappointed when I pull him away from doing that. He told me once that he could go down on me for an entire day. I was amazed.\n> \n> Aurora\n"}
{"input": "   Write a section for the book that includes the following:\n\n* Offer advice to both partners on how to enjoy giving and receiving cunnilingus, starting with enjoying oral attention to the whole body before focusing on the vulva.\n* Provide a list of suggestions for techniques and actions to try during cunnilingus, such as kissing and stroking the nipples, kissing and licking the belly, back, rear end, and inner thighs, nibbling at the armpits, blowing warm air gently across the vulva, caressing the entire vulva with hands and face, and using saran wrap or dental dams for protection.\n* Remind the reader to be gentle with their partner and to communicate about their preferences.\n* Include tips on how to use the tongue during cunnilingus, such as gently sucking the clitoris, licking up the center of the vulva, pressing the tongue flat against the clitoris, and flicking the tongue rapidly against the glans, hood, and shaft of the clitoris.\n* Provide advice on how to avoid causing discomfort with teeth during cunnilingus, such as asking the partner if they like the feel of nibbling on the inner thigh, labia, nipples, and even the hood of the clitoris.\n* Encourage the use of dental dams for protection and explain how to use them, such as pressing the tongue into the vagina through the dental dam or giving the clitoris a little snap by sucking the dental dam into the mouth and then releasing it.", "response": "\n\n#  The How-to's of Cunnilingus\n\nYou may want to dive right in, but you'll most likely enjoy receiving or giving oral attention to the whole body. Experiment! As you become aroused, you'll be able to take more intense direct clitoral stimulation.\n\n  \n\n\nWhether you're receiving your lover's best oral attentions or going down on your girlfriend, the following are some places to begin. You can share these suggestions with your partner or try them out yourself:\n\n> \u2022 Kiss and stroke the nipples. Gently suck them until they become erect.\n\n> \u2022 Kiss and lick the belly, back, rear end, and inner thighs. Take your time; enjoy all that appreciation!\n\n> \u2022 Nibble at her armpits.\n\n> \u2022 Blow warm air gently across the vulva. (Never blow air directly into the vagina.)\n\n> \u2022 Caress the entire vulva with hands and face.\n\n> \u2022 Wrap her up with Saran wrap like a giant gift!\n\n> \u2022 Pull out a dental dam, put a little lube on your side of the latex, and hold it in place for your partner.\n\n> \u2022 Gently suck her clitoris.\n\n> \u2022 Open her outer vaginal lips with your fingers and lick up the center of the vulva from her vaginal opening to her pubic mound.\n\n> \u2022 Press your tongue flat against her clit. Move gently from side to side.\n\n> \u2022 Ask him to circle your clit with his tongue.\n\n> \u2022 Flick your tongue rapidly against the glans, hood, and shaft of her clitoris.\n\n> \u2022 Watch those teeth\u2014ask her if she likes the feel of you nibbling on her inner thigh, labia, nipples, and even the hood of her clit.\n\n> \u2022 Press your tongue into her vagina.\n\n> \u2022 Give her clit a little snap: suck the dental dam into your mouth and then release it.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the book that includes the following:\n\n* Discuss how cunnilingus can be triggering for some survivors of sexual abuse and offer practical suggestions for overcoming these triggers.\n* Encourage the reader to become familiar with their own genitals, including using a mirror to look at themselves, smelling and tasting their own vaginal secretions, and tracking changes in secretion and smell to monitor vaginal health.\n* Suggest introducing a partner to their genitals, without letting the partner touch them at first. Have the reader show their partner their vulva, point out their clit and clitoral hood, their labia, and their vagina and perineum. Have the partner place their head near the reader's vulva without touching.\n* Encourage the reader to practice staying in their body by feeling their sensations, maintaining eye contact and communication with their partner, and talking about how this feels for them.\n* Suggest finding a position for oral sex that feels powerful or comfortable for the reader. Many survivors find it useful to be in a position that allows eye contact.\n* Encourage the reader to keep their eyes open during oral sex to help them stay present and to keep breathing.\n* Remind the reader to stop when they want to stop and to continue when they are ready.\n* If the reader has never tried cunnilingus or does not want to try it, encourage them to explore why not and to work on freeing cunnilingus for themselves using the resources in chapter 11 on triggers.\n* Emphasize that what is most important is that the reader is making their own choice about cunnilingus.", "response": "\n\n##  Cunnilingus and Triggers\n\nIf you like cunnilingus but it triggers you, or you don't like it now but would like to learn to, here are some practical suggestions. First, become familiar with your own genitals. Cunnilingus is a close-up on the vulva, after all. Use a mirror to look at yourself. What colors are your labia and clitoris? What is your hair like? Pull back your clitoral hood and check yourself out. Smell and taste your own vaginal secretions. You will notice that both the consistency and the taste of your fluids will change with your menstrual cycle. Your nutrition will also affect the taste of your secretions. Looking at yourself regularly is also a great way to track vaginal health. You will notice yeast and other infections by the changes in secretion and smell.\n\nNext, introduce your partner to your genitals. Without letting him touch you, show your partner your vulva. Point out your clit and clitoral hood, your labia, and your vagina and perineum. Show her how and where you like to be touched by touching yourself. When you are ready, have your partner place his head near your vulva. Again, no touching yet. Remember to breathe. Practice staying in your body by feeling your sensations. Being in consistent eye contact and communication with your partner also helps. Talk about how this feels for you, and listen to your partner tell you his experience. This exercise can help you to build a new relationship to your own vulva, and to a partner's touch.\n\nWhen you want to move into oral sex, find a position that feels powerful or comfortable for you. Many survivors find it useful to be in a position that allows eye contact. Your partner can kneel or lie between your legs, or you can kneel over his face. In the latter position, you can more easily control the contact and move a bit more freely. Try keeping your eyes open. This can help you orient in time and space and keep you present. Keep breathing. Stop when you want to stop, and continue when you are ready.\n\nIf you have never tried cunnilingus or do not want to try it, explore why not. What about it turns you off? What are your fears and concerns? Are there memories or traumas you associate with cunnilingus? Utilize the resources in chapter 11 on triggers to work more deeply on freeing cunnilingus for yourself. You may decide in the long run that you don't like cunnilingus\u2014or you may find that you love it! What is most important is that you are making your own choice about it.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the book that includes the following:\n\n* Discuss fellatio and explain that many men enjoy receiving oral sex and many women and men enjoy giving it.\n* Describe the most sensitive parts of the penis, including the head or glans, the coronal ridge surrounding it, and the seam running down the underside of the penis, called the raphe.\n* Explain that the shaft of the penis is not very responsive to the tongue and suggest stroking it with your hand instead.\n* Suggest sucking on the balls as another technique that many men enjoy.\n* Emphasize the importance of keeping teeth out of the fellatio experience.\n* Include a quote from a woman who enjoys giving her husband blow jobs.\n* Discuss the use of sex toys and suggest giving head to a partner's dildo.\n* Include a quote from a woman who enjoys receiving an expert blow job from her girlfriend, even though she does not have a penis.\n* Discuss the fact that fellatio is often depicted as a degrading act, but that this is not necessarily the case.\n* Explain that many survivors who were abused orally as children are able to enjoy oral sex as adults.\n* Mention that some survivors like fellatio and others do not.", "response": "\n\n#  Fellatio\n\nMany men enjoy receiving oral sex, and many women and men enjoy giving it. You will find that the head of the penis, or glans, and the coronal ridge surrounding it tend to be the most sensitive. The seam running down the underside of the penis, called the raphe, is the most sensitive part of the shaft. The shaft, otherwise, isn't very responsive to the tongue. Stroking the shaft of the penis with your hand, adding pressure or an up-and-down motion can be enjoyable for your partner. Sucking his balls is another favorite technique for many men. Most men agree that keeping the teeth out of the fellatio experience is best; they hurt!\n\n> > I like giving my husband blow jobs. I like being able to take him like that; he melts.\n> \n> Rona\n\nIf you use sex toys, you can give head to your partner's dildo. Strapping on a dildo and receiving an expert blow job is a fun erotic fantasy for many women, whatever the gender of their partner.\n\n> > One of my greatest fantasies is imagining my girlfriend giving me a blow job.  \n>  Of course I don't have a penis, but when we fantasize about it out loud it sure  \n>  seems like I do.  \n> \n> \n> JR\n\nSome survivors like fellatio and others do not. Fellatio is often depicted as a degrading act a woman is forced to perform. Many survivors were forced to perform oral sex on their perpetrators, but while you may think that those who were abused in this way would not like oral sex as adults, this isn't the case. Many survivors who were abused orally as children are able to enjoy oral sex as adults.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the book that includes the following:\n\n* Provide tips and ideas for exploring fellatio.\n* Encourage the reader to take their time and discover the pleasures of their partner's body.\n* Suggest kissing, licking, sucking, and caressing the partner's body.\n* Mention that the reader can take their partner's penis as deeply into their mouth as is comfortable for them.\n* Advise the reader to pull their partner's penis out of their mouth before he ejaculates, if that is what they prefer.\n* Offer specific techniques for exploring fellatio, such as kissing and stroking the chest and nipples, gently sucking the nipples until they become erect, licking the belly, back, butt, and inner thighs, nibbling at the armpits, caressing the balls and inner thighs with the hands and face, and popping an unlubed condom into the mouth and using the tongue and lips to roll it over the head of the penis.\n* Suggest licking the penis from the base of the shaft to the glans and circling the head with the tongue.\n* Advise sucking firmly on just the head of the penis.\n* Recommend holding the base of the penis and relaxing the throat to bring the partner deeper into the mouth and throat.\n* Suggest pressing the tongue flat against the perineum and nibbling gently on the loose skin of the balls.\n* Remind the reader that they can do these techniques with a dildo, too.", "response": "\n\n#  The How-to's of Fellatio\n\nTake your time and discover the pleasures of your partner's body\u2014for both his enjoyment and yours. You can kiss, lick, suck, and caress. You can take your partner's penis as deeply into your mouth as is comfortable for you. You can pull his penis out of your mouth before he ejaculates, if that is what you prefer. Here are some ideas for exploring fellatio:\n\n> \u2022 Kiss and stroke his chest and nipples.\n\n> \u2022 Gently suck his nipples until they become erect.\n\n> \u2022 Lick his belly, back, butt, and inner thighs. Show him how much you appreciate him!\n\n> \u2022 Nibble at his armpits.\n\n> \u2022 Caress his balls and inner thighs with your hands and face.\n\n> \u2022 Pop an unlubed condom into your mouth and using your tongue and lips, roll it over the head of his penis. (You can practice on a dildo or zucchini.) Use your hands to roll it all the way down his shaft.\n\n> \u2022 Lick his penis from the base of the shaft to the glans and circle the head with your tongue.\n\n> \u2022 Suck firmly on just the head of the penis.\n\n> \u2022 Holding the base of the penis, relax your throat and bring your partner deeper into your mouth and throat. You can do this with a dildo, too.\n\n> \u2022 Press your tongue flat against his perineum (the area between his anus and balls).\n\n> \u2022 Nibble gently on the loose skin of his balls. You can suck on his balls and carefully take them into your mouth.\n"}
{"input": "  Write a section for the book that includes the following:\n\n* Discuss fellatio and triggers.\n* Offer suggestions for those who like giving head but it triggers them, or for those who don't like it now but would like to learn to.\n* Advise becoming familiar with the partner's penis and balls.\n* Suggest taking time to ask the partner to show their genitals when their penis is not erect and checking out the colors and textures.\n* Encourage building a new association with male genitals by connecting them with the partner and what the reader likes, loves, or cares about in them.\n* Remind the reader that this penis is not there to hurt them, but to provide pleasure.\n* Advise practicing staying in the body by feeling sensations and remembering to breathe during the exploration.\n* Suggest not planning on having oral sex initially and using hands to feel the various textures of the partner's skin.\n* Encourage placing the head close to the partner and becoming acquainted with their smells.\n* Recommend kissing the partner's genitals and tasting them.\n* Advise finding a position that feels powerful or comfortable for the reader during oral sex.\n* Suggest using eye contact during oral sex.\n* Remind the reader to keep breathing and to stop when they want to stop, and continue when they are ready.\n* Advise utilizing the resources in chapter 11 on triggers to work more deeply on freeing up fellatio for themselves.\n* Encourage the reader to make their own choice about their sex life, reminding them that they choose their sex life now, not the abuse or the triggers.", "response": "\n\n##  Fellatio and Triggers\n\nIf you like giving head but it triggers you, or if you don't like it now but would like to learn to, here are some suggestions: Become familiar with your partner's penis and balls. Take your time. Ask him to show you his genitals when his penis is not erect. Check out the colors and textures. Get to know his genitals in a way that lets you make friends with them. Begin to build a new association with male genitals. This is the body of someone whom you are choosing as an adult to be sexual with. Connect his genitals with him, and what you like, love, or care about in him. This penis is not here to hurt you. It is a part of his body through which you can both experience pleasure. Remember to breathe during this exploration, and practice staying in your body by feeling your sensations.\n\nDon't plan on having oral sex initially. Use your hands to feel the various textures of his skin. Place your head close to him and become acquainted with his smells. You can kiss his genitals and taste them. Breathe. Remember that his genitals are a part of what you care about in him.\n\nWhen you are ready to move into oral sex, find a position that feels powerful or comfortable for you. Many survivors find it useful to be in a position that allows eye contact. While he lies on his back, try kneeling next to him or between his legs. Keep your eyes open. This can help you orient in time and space and keep you present. Place your hand around the base of his penis; this way you can control the depth and speed of the movement. Keep breathing. Stop when you want to stop, and continue when you are ready. It is fine to remove your mouth before your partner comes, whether or not you are using condoms.\n\nUtilize the resources in chapter 11 on triggers to work more deeply on freeing up fellatio for yourself. You may decide in the long run that you don't like fellatio\u2014or you may find that you love it. What matters most is that you make your own choice about it. You choose your sex life now, not the abuse, not the triggers. \n"}
{"input": "  Write a section for the book that includes the following:\n\n* Discuss analingus or rimming, a sex practice that many people do not admit to.\n* Explain that the anal area is full of nerve endings, and for many, analingus is as pleasurable as other forms of oral sex.\n* Address concerns about the cleanliness of such a practice.\n* Suggest cleaning up with soap and water before engaging in rimming.\n* Recommend using a barrier of latex or plastic wrap to protect from bacteria and STDs.\n* Mention that many who practice anal sex also clean internally by gentle rinsing with soap and water or an enema.\n* Remind the reader that little feces is found in the rectum or anal canal due to the anatomy of the lower intestine.\n* Advise being careful not to let any lubricant or saliva around the anus drip into the vaginal area, as the bacteria from the anus can cause a vaginal infection.", "response": "\n\n#  Rimming\n\n> > I don't know that there are many people I would tell this to, but having my partner's mouth on my ass is so pleasurable I can hardly stand it.\n> \n> Naomi\n\nAnalingus, or rimming, is a sex practice that many do not admit to. Yet, the anal area is full of nerve endings, and for many analingus is as pleasurable as other forms of oral sex.\n\nMost people are concerned about the cleanliness of such a practice. If you are interested in rimming your partner, or vice versa, you can first clean up with soap and water. Using a barrier of latex or plastic wrap also protects you from bacteria and STDs. Many who practice anal sex also clean internally by gentle rinsing with soap and water, or an enema. Keep in mind that because of the anatomy of the lower intestine, little feces is found in the rectum or anal canal (see chapter 5). Be careful not to let any lubricant or saliva around the anus drip into the vaginal area. The bacteria from the anus can cause a vaginal infection.\n"}
{"input": "   Write a section for the book that includes the following:\n\n* Explain that the anus is a very delicate part of the body, rich in nerve endings, and extremely responsive to touch.\n* Suggest various ways to stimulate the anus, such as kissing, licking, caressing, nibbling the flesh surrounding the anus, and blowing warm air gently across the anus.\n* Remind the reader not to move from the anus to the vagina to prevent vaginal infections.\n* Provide a list of steps to follow when engaging in rimming, including kissing and licking the belly, back, butt, and inner thighs, nibbling at the flesh surrounding the anus, and blowing warm air gently across the anus.\n* Recommend using a dental dam or other barrier and putting a dab of lube on the partner's side.\n* Suggest circling the anus with the tip of the tongue, pressing the tongue flat against the anus, and gently inserting the tip of the tongue into the anus.\n* Provide additional suggestions for stimulation, such as inserting a finger into the vagina or gently stroking the penis while attending to the anus.", "response": "\n\n#  The How-to's of Rimming\n\nThe anus is a very delicate part of your body, rich in nerve endings, and extremely responsive to touch. You can kiss, lick, and caress. You can nibble the flesh surrounding the anus. With arousal, the anus will open, and you'll be able to fit more of your tongue inside. If your partner is a woman, make sure that you do not move from her anus to her vagina. Take care to prevent vaginal infections.\n\n> \u2022 Kiss and lick the belly, back, butt, and inner thighs. Let your partner anticipate the pleasure to come.\n\n> \u2022 Nibble at the flesh surrounding the anus.\n\n> \u2022 Blow warm air gently across the anus.\n\n> \u2022 Grab a dental dam or other barrier and put a dab of lube on your partner's side.\n\n> \u2022 Circle the anus with the tip of your tongue.\n\n> \u2022 Press your tongue flat against the anus and let your partner enjoy the heat and pressure.\n\n> \u2022 Gently insert the tip of your tongue into the anus.\n\n> \u2022 Pull out a latex glove and some lube. With a woman partner, you can insert a finger into her vagina as your tongue penetrates her anus. With a man, you can gently stroke his penis as you attend to his anus.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the book that includes the following:\n\n* Explain the risks associated with oral sex, such as the exchange of bodily fluids like semen, pre-come, blood from menstruation, and vaginal secretions.\n* Discuss the importance of assessing one's risk based on sexual behaviors and HIV status, as well as the partner's.\n* Provide tips for safer oral sex, including using condoms for fellatio, water-based lubricant, and alternative materials for those allergic to latex.\n* Recommend using dental dams, cut-open condoms, latex gloves, or plastic food wrap as barriers for cunnilingus.\n* Explain how to properly use a condom or glove as a barrier, including cutting it open and marking one side with a pen.\n* Emphasize the importance of using a latex barrier for rimming and using lubricant to increase sensitivity for the receiver.", "response": "\n\n#  Safer Oral Sex\n\nThrough oral sex you can exchange many a bodily fluid. Semen, including pre-come, and blood from menstruation are two of the bodily fluids with the highest concentrations of HIV. The risk factor in contacting vaginal secretions (with no blood) is fairly low. The tissues of the anus, mouth and gums, and vagina can have tiny tears that allow sexually transmitted diseases to pass.\n\nAssess your risk based on your sexual behaviors and HIV status, as well as your partner's. To practice safer fellatio, you can use a condom. Try putting a spot of water-based lubricant inside the tip of the condom to help it slide and increase stimulation for your partner. Remember to hold onto the tip as you put on the condom so air won't be trapped in the tip, which may cause breakage. There are condoms made of alternative materials for those allergic to latex. Lambskin condoms are not effective for preventing the transmission of HIV.\n\nFor cunnilingus, you can purchase dental dams, which are squares of latex used in dental procedures, or you can cut open a condom or latex glove and use it as a barrier. To use a condom, cut off the tip, then snip it up one side, opening it into a square. Likewise, you can cut open a glove by snipping off the fingers and up one side. If you use dental dams or cut-open condoms or gloves, mark one side with a pen so that if you slip, you'll know which side goes where. My favorite is plastic food wrap. When using plastic wrap, rip off a long piece and wrap it underneath and around you. No hands! Plastic wrap is also a good substitute for those who are sensitive to latex. A dab of water-based lubricant on the recipient's side of the barrier increases sensitivity.\n\nRemember to use a latex barrier for rimming as well. Again, place some lubricant on the receiver's side of the barrier, and go to town!\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the book that includes the following:\n\n* Provide a series of exercises for the reader to engage with after reading the chapter on oral sex.\n* The first exercise should ask the reader to reflect on their feelings, thoughts, and physical sensations after reading the chapter.\n* The second exercise should encourage the reader to look at their own genitals using a mirror, noting the colors, textures, and what they appreciate about them. They should create a list of ten things they appreciate.\n* The third exercise should prompt the reader to consider what they like and dislike about oral sex, specifically cunnilingus, fellatio, and rimming. They should discuss their preferences with someone else.\n* The fourth exercise should ask the reader to reflect on what they discovered about themselves while reading the chapter on oral sex.", "response": "\n\n#  Sex Guide Exercises\n\n> 1\\. How do you feel after reading this chapter? What do you notice in your thinking, emotions, and sensations?\n\n> 2\\. Take out a mirror and look at your own genitals, the area where your partner will be up close and personal during oral sex. Look at the colors, feel the textures. This is a whole and healthy part of you. What do you appreciate about your genitals? Make a list of ten things.\n\n> 3\\. What do you like and dislike about oral sex? Specifically, what do you like most and least about cunnilingus? Fellatio? Rimming? Talk with someone about what you like and dislike.\n\n> 4\\. What did you discover about yourself in reading this chapter?\n"}
{"input": "  Write a section for the chapter titled \"Penetration\" that includes the following:\n\n* Discuss the various ways to enjoy penetration, including vaginal or anal intercourse with a penis or a dildo, and using fingers, vibrators, and even a partner's whole hand.\n* Emphasize that penetration is not limited to the vagina, and that many people enjoy anal penetration with various objects.\n* Mention that most women and men do not reach orgasm from vaginal or anal penetration alone, and require some form of clitoral or penile stimulation.\n* Highlight that there are many ways to enjoy penetration, both when being penetrated and when penetrating a partner.\n* Encourage the reader to explore their options and preferences regarding penetration.", "response": "\n\nchapter ten\n\nPenetration\n\nThere are all kind of ways to enjoy penetration. You certainly can enjoy vaginal or anal intercourse with a penis\u2014or a dildo. You can also enjoy fingers, vibrators, and even your partner's whole hand.\n\nPenetration is not limited to your vagina. Many women (and men) enjoy anal penetration\u2014with fingers, vibrators, butt plugs, dildos, and hands.\n\nMost women do not reach orgasm from vaginal or anal penetration alone, but need some form of clitoral stimulation. The same is true for men; very few men reach orgasm from anal penetration without some form of penile stimulation.\n\nThere are all kinds of ways to enjoy penetration, both when being penetrated and when penetrating your partner. This chapter will explore some of your options.\n"}
{"input": "   Write a section for the chapter titled \"Vaginal Penetration\" that includes the following:\n\n* Discuss various ways to enjoy vaginal penetration such as using fingers, dildos, and a partner's penis.\n* Emphasize that fingers and hands can reach places that a penis may not, like the G-spot.\n* Explain that the sensations can vary depending on the depth of penetration, with the nerves near the opening being more sensitive to movement and the deeper part of the vaginal passage being more responsive to pressure.\n* Encourage the reader to explore their preferences and identify what feels most pleasurable for them in terms of sensations and depths.", "response": "\n\n#  Vaginal Penetration\n\nThere are numerous ways to enjoy vaginal penetration. You may like being penetrated with your own or your partner's fingers, or with a dildo, either in your partner's or your own hand, or strapped on with a harness. You may like your partner's penis best. Maybe you prefer your partner's fingers or hand, which can stimulate places that a penis might not reach, like the G-spot.\n\nYou'll notice different sensations at different depths of the vagina. The nerves nearer the opening of the vaginal passage tend to be more sensitive to and stimulated by movement. The deeper part of the vaginal passage responds more readily to pressure. Many woman find the cervix sensitive to touch and pressure, some liking the sensation and others finding it uncomfortable. Where do you feel the most pleasure in your vagina? Are there different sensations and depths that you like?\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the chapter titled \"The G-Spot\" that includes the following:\n\n* Explain what the G-spot is and its significance according to tantra practitioners.\n* Discuss the experiences of some survivors who have reported intense emotions such as vulnerability, tears, or rage when their G-spot is stimulated.\n* Mention the possibility of G-spot ejaculation for some women and provide techniques to learn how to do it if interested.\n* Advise readers to urinate before beginning and to have towels nearby due to the potential for wetness.\n* Provide suggestions for G-spot stimulation, such as using fingers, a firm dildo, or a curved dildo.\n* Encourage communication with a partner about what feels most intense and what is desired.\n* Suggest trying clitoral stimulation at the same time as G-spot stimulation.\n* Include quotes from survivors who have experienced G-spot ejaculation.", "response": "\n\n##  The G-Spot\n\nThe G-spot is spoken of by tantra practitioners (see chapter 15) as the \"sacred spot\" or a center of concentrated sexual intensity for many women. Tantra practitioners also speak of the G-spot as an area that holds sexual trauma. Many survivors have told me that working with the G-spot has been central in healing and releasing past sexual trauma. Some survivors report intense vulnerability, tears, or rage when having their G-spot stimulated.\n\n> > I felt so vulnerable and opened up. I did not know that she was stimulating my  \n>  G-spot. I was not familiar with that at the time. It really sent me to another  \n>  level, out there. Afterward I cried and shook and felt cleansed somehow.\n> \n> Akaya\n\nAs discussed in chapter 5, on anatomy, some women ejaculate with G-spot stimulation. Although not all women experience G-spot ejaculation, there are techniques that can help you learn how, if you're interested. Allow yourself plenty of time to explore your G-spot and discover what arouses you. Urinate before you begin. When you are about to ejaculate, you may feel like you need to pee; you can dissipate this fear by knowing you just went. Also G-spot stimulation can cause bladder infections in some women; you can help to prevent this by urinating before and after you play. If you feel the sensation of having to pee when you come, bear down to release the ejaculate. Please note that this can be a very wet ordeal. You may want to have towels close by.\n\nYou can stimulate your own G-spot with your fingers or a firm dildo. Some dildos are curved especially to reach the G-spot. Your partner can stimulate your G-spot with a hand or a dildo. Tell your partner where the sensation feels most intense and what you want. Many woman also like to have their clitoris stimulated at the same time. Try touching your clit, having your partner touch you, or using a vibrator while your G-spot is being stimulated.\n\n> > I have learned how to ejaculate. It took patience and time. It was actually a great way to get to know my genitals and sexual responses. It is wet and fun\u2026kind of intense in a different way.\n> \n> Daren\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the chapter titled \"Hands and Fisting\" that includes the following:\n\n* Define fisting and explain that it does not involve any aggression or violence.\n* Explain the pliability and sturdiness of the vaginal membrane and its ability to accommodate a whole hand.\n* Discuss the importance of relaxation, trust, and high sexual arousal for the receiver.\n* Mention the benefits of ongoing clitoral stimulation during fisting.\n* Share experiences from survivors who have had emotional releases during fisting.\n* Provide step-by-step instructions for fisting, including the use of water-based lubricant and the importance of the receiver being in charge.\n* Include reminders to communicate, relax, and go slowly.\n* Emphasize the importance of respect and vulnerability during fisting.\n* Include quotes from individuals who enjoy fisting.", "response": "\n\n##  Hands and Fisting\n\nLots of folks get freaked out at the idea of fisting. The term fisting can sound aggressive or violent when taken out of context. But it simply refers to inserting a whole hand into the vagina. Fisting has nothing to do with punching the vagina. The term comes from the fact that once a hand is fully inserted, it naturally curls up into an fist, given the amount of room available.\n\nBelieve it? Well, it is not so hard to believe when you know women's anatomy. Vaginal membrane is extremely pliable and sturdy. After all, whole babies pass through there. Think back to the information in chapter 5 on women's sexual response cycle. When a woman is sexually aroused, the vaginal walls open and lubricate, and the uterus lifts upward, creating a large ballooned area at the end of the vaginal passage near the cervix. There is enough space in there for a hand (depending, of course, upon both the size of the hand and the woman's anatomy).\n\nFisting requires relaxation and trust on the receiver's end\u2014plus a high degree of sexual arousal. It usually helps to have ongoing clitoral stimulation while fisting. Fisting is an intense sensation by most accounts. Many survivors report a response similar to that caused by G-spot stimulation, with the release of trauma and emotions.\n\n> > The first time my lover and I were successful at fisting, I cried and cried. It wasn't that it hurt, or caused any particular emotional pain. It felt like a release, almost a relief really.\n> \n> Stephanie\n\nHere are the how-to's of fisting: Get out your water-based lubricant, and play sexually until you are well aroused. (Remember: never use oil-based lubricant in the vagina.) Insert fingers one or two at a time until there is plenty of room for all four. The idea is to make your hand as skinny as possible. Tuck your thumb into the fold of your fingers and fold the two sides of your hand as close together as possible. Your knuckles should face the posterior or back side of the vaginal passage.\n\nThe partner being fisted is in charge all the way. Listen to her words and her body. If you are being fisted, communicate and above all, relax. Bring your breath into your pelvis and let it relax and open. Go slowly. If you are doing the fisting, let your partner slowly press down onto your hand.\n\nGetting the width of the knuckles through the narrow passage of your pelvic bones is the part where most first-timers turn back. Use lots of lube. I could say that five more times. When you are ready, your partner can ease his or her knuckles inside by slowly rotating the hand past the pubic bone. For the fistee, this is a good time to take a deep breath and exhale with the entrance. This may be painful until you find the proper route through. Some folks twist in, turning the hand palm up once they are in. The fister's hand will curl up into a fistlike shape; thus the name. Stop if any part is too painful. Once in, you can slowly turn the hand, move it gently up and down, or gently move in and out.\n\n> > I discovered that my greatest pleasure is in fisting. I love to have my hand inside  \n>  a woman's vagina, to feel everything she feels. I love to take her inside of me.  \n>  To feel filled, overwhelmed by the fucking.  \n> \n> \n> Max\n\nFisting can be incredibly intimate and evoke vulnerably in both you and your partner. Respect this in your play.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for a chapter on vaginal penetration that includes the following:\n\n* Emphasize the importance of communication and exploration during vaginal penetration.\n* Provide a list of suggestions for vaginal penetration, including gentle tugging at pubic hairs, placing a hand over the vulva, lightly tapping or slapping the vulva, tracing the opening of the vagina with fingers, using condoms, and running the head of the penis or dildo around the vulva.\n* Include instructions for moving the hips in steady and circular motions.\n* Suggest having the partner insert fingers and twist and turn their hand while thrusting.\n* Encourage entering the vagina shallowly and deeply.\n* Recommend stimulating the G-spot with a \"come-hither\" motion.\n* Advise looking at the partner and moving the body, breathing, and relaxing during vaginal penetration.", "response": "\n\n#  The How-to's of Vaginal Penetration\n\nThere is so much more to vaginal penetration than athletic thrusting, though once aroused, many women love to be penetrated deeply and firmly. Tell your partner what feels best, or ask her what she likes. Remember to communicate and enjoy the exploration.\n\nWhether you're receiving your lover's penis or dildo, or penetrating your female partner, the following are some places to begin. You can share these suggestions with your partner or try them out yourself:\n\n> \u2022 Tug gently at the pubic hairs.\n\n> \u2022 Put your whole hand over her vulva; feel the heat and pressure.\n\n> \u2022 Lightly tap or slap the vulva with your hand.\n\n> \u2022 Snap on a glove, grab the lube, and trace the opening of her vagina with your fingers.\n\n> \u2022 Put a condom on your partner's penis\u2014or invite your partner to put a condom on your dildo.\n\n> \u2022 Run the head of the penis or dildo all around the vulva without entering.\n\n> \u2022 Enter the vagina only an inch or two, and move in and out.\n\n> \u2022 Move your hips in a steady motion, then move in circles.\n\n> \u2022 Have your partner insert two or three fingers into your vagina, and twist and turn his or her hand while thrusting.\n\n> \u2022 Enter the vagina shallowly and then deeply.\n\n> \u2022 Put your fingers into her vagina and stimulate her G-spot with a \"come-hither\" motion.\n\n> \u2022 Look at your partner.\n\n> \u2022 Move your body, breathe, and relax.\n"}
{"input": "  Write a section for a chapter on anal penetration that includes the following:\n\n* Acknowledge the growing acceptance and popularity of anal sex.\n* Provide quotes from individuals discussing their experiences with anal sex.\n* Emphasize the importance of using water-based lubricant and relaxation during anal penetration.\n* Explain that the person on the receiving end should control the speed and depth of penetration.\n* Encourage communication between partners during anal sex.\n* Suggest various methods of anal penetration, including fingers, hands, penises, and sex toys such as dildos or butt plugs.\n* Warn against poking the anus and instead recommend stroking the opening with the pad of the finger.\n* Advise the use of flanged sex toys to prevent them from slipping into the anal canal.\n* Address concerns about cleanliness during anal sex and suggest methods for cleaning the anal area before engaging in anal sex, such as using an enema or washing with soapy water.\n* Discuss dietary considerations for practicing anal sex, including avoiding hot or spicy foods and small seeds.\n* Mention the practice of anal fisting or handballing, its sensitivity, and the importance of learning from someone with experience.", "response": "\n\n#  Anal Penetration\n\nAnal sex is coming into its own these days. While historically it has found its place on the kinky side of the ledger, anal sex is becoming mainstream. At Good Vibrations, I was initially surprised by how many people came in seeking anal sex information and toys. Both men and women were looking for ways to enjoy their butts.\n\n> > I find anal sex warm and intense. I get embarrassed talking about it, given the stigma, but I'm getting braver.\n> \n> MB\n>\n>> I fantasize about anal sex and love it when my lovers touch me there. I can't ask for it yet, though. I am too embarrassed and it brings up memories of my stepfather.\n> \n> Laura\n\nThe anus is a sensitive and nerve-packed area, and it can offer you an enjoyable addition to your sexual pleasure. When playing with the anus, it is important to follow a couple of rules. Always use water-based lubricant for anal penetration. Unlike the vagina, the anus does not produce its own lubrication. To protect the sensitive skin within the anal canal, and to make the experience enjoyable for the recipient, you must use lubrication. Relax. Anal sex will not be successful if you are tense. Breathe. Let the muscles around your butt and pelvis relax.\n\nWhen practicing anal sex, the person on the receiving end should control the speed and depth of penetration. Communicate with your partner about how it's going.\n\nYou can enjoy anal penetration with fingers and hands, with a penis, or with sex toys, such as a dildo or butt plug. Tristan Taormino, author of The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women, writes, \"Never poke the anus; instead, stroke the opening with the pad of your finger.\" Ease your way inside the anus by caressing the opening with your finger. The sphincter muscles will automatically close if you try to penetrate by poking straight into the anus.\n\nIf you are using anything other than what is attached to your body to penetrate the ass\u2014like a dildo or butt plug\u2014make sure it is flanged at the bottom. This means that the bottom of the toy widens into a broad base to prevent it from slipping up into the anal canal and beyond. Unlike the vaginal canal, the anus leads right into the body. An unflanged toy could slip up into the large intestines. This is very painful and dangerous, not to mention embarrassing, and can result in a trip to the nearest emergency room.\n\nAgain, many people are concerned about cleanliness when practicing anal sex. Before engaging in anal sex you can wash yourself with soapy water or use an enema to cleanse the anal canal. If you are planning to have anal sex, be careful about what you eat. Stay away from hot or spicy foods and small seeds, like those on strawberries or in kiwis. These are not digested and can scrape the sensitive lining of the anal area.\n\nSome people also practice anal fisting, or handballing, which takes great care because of the sensitivity of the membrane lining the anal canal. The process is similar to vaginal fisting. If you are interested in anal fisting, read up on anal sex and anal anatomy first. It is best to learn from someone with experience.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the chapter on male prostate stimulation that includes the following:\n\n* Explain that the prostate gland can be stimulated through anal penetration (refer to the previous chapter on the prostate for more information).\n* Discuss the pleasure that many men find in prostate stimulation, while acknowledging that it may be too intense or painful for some men.\n* Provide instructions on how to reach the prostate, such as inserting a finger or toy about three inches into the anus and pressing toward the front of the body using a come-hither motion.", "response": "\n\n##  Male Prostate\n\nIn men, the prostate gland can be stimulated through anal penetration (see chapter 5 for more on the prostate). Many men find prostate stimulation very pleasurable, though, as with G-spot stimulation in women, it may be too intense or painful for some men. The prostate can be reached by inserting a finger or toy about three inches into the anus and pressing toward the front of the body, using that old come-hither motion again.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the chapter on anal penetration that includes the following:\n\n* Emphasize the importance of communication and care during anal penetration due to the fragility of the anus and rectum.\n* Recommend using a slender dildo for beginners, and stress the importance of using lots of lubricant.\n* Suggest ways to prevent anal bacteria from entering the vagina.\n* Provide a list of suggestions for both the person penetrating and the person being penetrated, such as tugging at pubic hairs, caressing the genitals, and using fingers to become familiar with the body.\n* Offer advice on the best techniques for anal penetration, such as using a sweeping motion instead of poking, ensuring the partner is well aroused before insertion, and communicating about depth and speed.\n* Encourage the use of condoms during anal penetration and remind the reader to relax, move, and breathe.", "response": "\n\n#  The How-to's of Anal Penetration\n\nAnal penetration requires even more communication than other sexual activities. The anus and rectum are fragile. Approach with care. If you prefer toys to fingers or a penis, pick a slender dildo for starters. Remember to use a lot of lubricant for anal play. And keep anal bacteria out of the vagina. You can place a bunched-up a sheet or towel over the vagina to catch any drips of lube if you are being penetrated from behind.\n\nWhether you're penetrating your partner or receiving your lover's penis or dildo, the following are some ideas to try. You can share these suggestions with your partner or try them out yourself:\n\n> \u2022 Tug at his or her pubic hairs.\n\n> \u2022 Caress your partner's genitals, thighs, and butt.\n\n> \u2022 Use your fingers to become familiar with your partner's body.\n\n> \u2022 Snap on a glove, grab the lube, and trace the opening of the anus with your fingers.\n\n> \u2022 Massage the opening of the anus.\n\n> \u2022 Make sure your partner is well aroused and open before you insert a finger or toy.\n\n> \u2022 Use a sweeping motion to enter; don't poke.\n\n> \u2022 Stimulate the clitoris or stroke the penis as you play.\n\n> \u2022 Put a condom on your partner's penis or dildo.\n\n> \u2022 Run the head of your penis or dildo all around the opening without entering.\n\n> \u2022 Enter slowly; let your partner guide you.\n\n> \u2022 Penetrate slowly at first. Communicate about the depth and speed.\n\n> \u2022 Relax, move, and breathe.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the chapter on safer penetration that includes the following:\n\n* Explain the risk of exchanging bodily fluids during penetration, highlighting that semen, pre-come, and menstrual blood have the highest concentration of HIV.\n* Clarify that the risk factor for contact with vaginal secretions is fairly low.\n* Warn that anal penetration often causes tiny tears in the sensitive anal tissues, which can allow for the transmission of blood and other bodily fluids.\n* Emphasize the importance of practicing anal sex safely with latex barriers.\n* Provide instructions on how to practice safer sex during vaginal penetration, including using a condom on a partner's penis or dildo, or a latex glove on a partner's hand.\n* Offer tips on how to use condoms effectively, such as using water-based lubricant in the tip and holding onto the tip when putting on the condom to prevent air from being trapped.\n* Mention that there are condoms made of alternative materials for those allergic to latex.\n* Explain that lambskin condoms are not effective for preventing the transmission of HIV.\n* Provide instructions on how to use latex gloves, including getting a size that fits snugly and using water-based lube.\n* Remind the reader not to bring a toy or hand from the anus back to the vulva without washing it first, or replacing the glove or condom, to prevent the spread of bacteria.", "response": "\n\n#  Safer Penetration\n\nAs with oral sex, you can exchange many bodily fluids through penetration. Semen, including pre-come, and blood from menstruation are two of the bodily fluids with the highest concentration of HIV. The risk factor for contact with vaginal secretions (no blood) is fairly low. Anal penetration often causes tiny tears in the sensitive anal tissues, allowing for the transmission of blood and other bodily fluids. If you practice anal sex, practice it safely with latex barriers.\n\nTo practice safer sex during vaginal penetration, use a condom on your partner's penis or dildo, or a latex glove on your partner's hand. Again, using a bit of water-based lubricant in the tip of the condom will help it slide and increase stimulation. Remember to hold onto the tip as you put on the condom to prevent air from being trapped at the tip, which can cause breakage. There are condoms made of alternative materials for those allergic to latex. Lambskin condoms are not effective for preventing the transmission of HIV.\n\nWhen using latex gloves, get a size that fits you snugly. This will increase the sensitivity. Slather the glove with water-based lube and you are set to go.\n\nJust another reminder regarding your genital health: Do not bring a toy or hand from the anus back to the vulva without washing it first, or replacing the glove or condom. The bacteria from the anal area can cause an infection in the vagina.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the chapter on penetration and triggers, including the following:\n\n* Explain that penetration can be triggering for many survivors of sexual abuse, especially if they were vaginally or anally penetrated during the abuse.\n* Discuss the physical causes of pain during penetration, such as tension and trauma held in the pelvic region, infections, or other medical problems.\n* Recommend that survivors with vaginal or anal pain during penetration go to a skilled medical practitioner to get it checked out.\n* Mention that some survivors may have received sexually transmitted diseases from the sexual abuse or unsafe sexual practices.\n* Discuss the emotional and psychological effects of trauma caused by sexual abuse that included penetration, such as tension, pain, numbness, and the storage of painful memories in the pelvic area.\n* Provide a personal anecdote from a survivor about how their sensations changed as they healed.\n* Emphasize the importance of taking it slowly and paying attention to what comes up throughout the pelvic area when working with triggers related to penetration.\n* Offer suggestions for controlling the depth and speed of penetration during sex, such as communicating with your partner, staying on top, and checking in visually with your partner.\n* Discuss the benefits of keeping your eyes open during penetration, such as staying in the present and not slipping back into the past.\n* Recommend exploring different positions during sex to find what works best for you.\n* Emphasize that penetration need not be a trigger forever and that survivors can work with the trigger using the resources and exercises in the book.\n* Mention that the next chapter will guide survivors through ways to heal through their triggers.", "response": "\n\n#  Penetration and Triggers\n\nPenetration can be triggering for many survivors. If you were vaginally or anally penetrated during the abuse, you may find it painful or upsetting to have vaginal or anal sex now.\n\nFor some survivors, penetration can be painful, because tension and trauma are held in the pelvic region, or because of an infection or other medical problem. If you have vaginal or anal pain during penetration, go to a skilled medical practitioner to get it checked out. Some survivors have gotten sexually transmitted diseases from the sexual abuse or unsafe sexual practices. Vaginismus, fibroid tumors, and vaginal infections can cause pain during penetration. Some survivors will have scarring within the vagina from severe abuse.\n\nTrauma caused by sexual abuse that included penetration can be held throughout the pelvic area as tension, pain, and/or numbness. As you work with this area of your body, releasing the pain, memories, and trauma, your sensations may change. Many survivors have this experience.\n\n> > The feelings in my hips and genitals changed as I healed. I used to feel pain and tension when I had sex, or I wouldn't feel much at all, as if I didn't have any nerve endings in that part of my body. As I have thawed that part of me, lots of feelings of pain, fear, and anger have come out. It's as if they were stored in there under some sheath of ice until I could feel them.\n> \n> Jenifer\n\nWhen working with triggers related to penetration, take it slowly. Pay attention to what comes up throughout your pelvic area. This can be one of the most loaded areas of the body for survivors and one of the most potent for healing.\n\nYou may find it useful to control the depth and speed of the penetration during sex. Communicate with your partner throughout the sexual experience, telling him or her when to slow down, when to speed up, and how deeply to enter you. It is usually easier to control the depth and speed of penetration if you are on top. Some folks find it embarrassing to talk all the way through a sexual encounter, yet it can greatly add to your pleasure and sense of connection.\n\nCheck in visually with your partner as well. What is it like to look at your partner during penetration? Keeping your eyes open may also help you stay in the present and not slip back into the past. Notice your partner and your surroundings, breathe, and feel your sensations and body. You can remain connected to yourself this way, which will keep you resourceful and able to choose how to respond to a trigger.\n\nChanging positions can also be useful when you feel triggered during penetration. For some, lying on their stomach while being penetrated from behind is triggering, while being on top is not. You can also try facing each other, lying side by side, or the spoons position. You can both sit up, legs wrapped around each other, for another variation. Exploring is the name of the game. What positions helps you stay in your body? In which positions do you feel the most resourceful and empowered?\n\nPenetration need not be a trigger forever. If you want a particular sexual option, you can work with the trigger using the resources and exercises in this book. The choice is yours as to what sexual options you want to have. The next chapter will guide you through ways to heal through your triggers.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the chapter on sex guide exercises, including the following:\n\n* Ask the reader how they feel after reading the chapter on penetration and triggers.\n* Encourage the reader to notice any changes in their thinking, emotions, and sensations.\n* Provide an exercise for the reader to reflect on their likes and dislikes about penetration, specifically vaginal penetration, anal penetration, and penetration with sex toys, fingers, and hands.\n* Suggest that the reader discuss their likes and dislikes with someone else.\n* Invite the reader to reflect on what they discovered about themselves in reading the chapter.\n\nNote: The above tasks are written in a prompt format, assuming that the story is a nonfiction book meant to guide survivors of sexual abuse. These prompts would generate the given section by providing specific instructions and questions to the reader to reflect on their experiences and feelings.", "response": "\n\n#  Sex Guide Exercises\n\n> 1\\. How do you feel after reading this chapter? What do you notice in your thinking, emotions, and sensations?\n\n> 2\\. What do like most and least about penetration? Specifically, what do you like and dislike about vaginal penetration? Anal penetration? Penetration with sex toys? Fingers and hands? Talk with someone else about what you like and dislike.\n\n> 3\\. What did you discover about yourself in reading this chapter?\n"}
{"input": " Write a new chapter for the book, titled \"Embracing Triggers\". In this chapter:\n\n* Introduce a quote from Stephanie about avoiding triggers limiting one's sex life.\n* Address the frustration that many survivors feel when it comes to triggers.\n* Acknowledge that some survivors may be so triggered sexually that they do not want to be sexual at all.\n* Address the common desire of survivors to get rid of triggers altogether.\n* Introduce an alternative approach to triggers, suggesting that they are not to be avoided, but rather explored, felt, and healed.\n* Explain that triggers can be flags signaling that something needs healing and attention.\n* Reassure the reader that triggers are healable and not permanent.\n* State that the intent of the work is to heal the reader's sexuality to the extent that they can make their own choices about sex based on their own needs and desires, not those dictated by childhood sexual abuse.\n* Explain how to achieve this healing through triggers.", "response": "\n\nchapter eleven\n\nEmbracing Triggers\n\n> If you arrange your sex life to avoid triggers, you'll end up with no room left for your sex life.\n\nStephanie\n\nMany survivors feel understandably frustrated when it comes to triggers. You may be in a stage of sexual recovery in which you are dealing with them all the time. You may be so triggered sexually that you do not want to be sexual at all. Most survivors just want to get rid of triggers altogether.\n\nIn this chapter, I want to introduce a different approach. What if triggers were not to be avoided but rather explored, felt, and healed? What if triggers were flags waving as if to say, \"Hey, over here, there is something needing healing and attention\"? Triggers are healable. You need not assume that because oral sex triggers you now, it always will. Once you have released the trauma from the area of your body where the trigger is stored and processed the experience emotionally, the trigger will fade.\n\nThe intent in this work is to heal your sexuality to such an extent that you can fully make your own choices about sex. You get to choose your sexual expression based upon your own needs and desires, not those limits and traumas induced by childhood sexual abuse. This chapter tells you how to achieve this healing through your triggers.\n"}
{"input": " Write a new section for the chapter \"Embracing Triggers\", titled \"What Is a Trigger?\". In this section:\n\n* Define triggers as automatic responses connected to past sexual abuse that can suddenly rush into the present.\n* Explain that certain acts, smells, words, or even a tone of voice can act as triggers that bring up images and feelings from the past.\n* Include a quote from Carla about her triggers being mostly connected to people and being close.\n* Discuss how triggers can evoke images or memories of the abuse, emotions, or feelings in the body.\n* Provide examples of triggers leading to an automatic fear of physical or sexual touch and feelings of being overwhelmed.\n* Include a quote from Kathy about feeling nauseated when her girlfriend tries to touch her.\n* Explain that triggers can also be sudden moods that seem to take over, such as feeling angry or grief-stricken.\n* Include a quote from Rona about feeling agitated and annoyed during sexual encounters.\n* Describe how certain sexual acts, smells, sounds, and colors may act as triggers for survivors.\n* Provide examples of specific triggers, such as oral sex or orgasm.\n* Include quotes from Tracy and Roslyn about their experiences with triggers related to sexual acts and orgasm.\n* Explain that triggers are history seeping through into the present and that they act like cracks in present-day reality that open to unresolved trauma from the past.", "response": "\n\n#  What Is a Trigger?\n\nTriggers are automatic responses connected to your past sexual abuse that can suddenly rush into the present. Certain acts, smells, words\u2014perhaps even a tone of voice\u2014can act as triggers that bring up images and feelings from the past. When you are in the middle of being triggered, it may be difficult to distinguish between the past and the present.\n\n> > I've never been one of those survivors who got triggered in the grocery store. My  \n>  triggers are mostly connected to people and being close. Sex especially triggers  \n>  me. Many times when having sex, images of my father will come rushing in and  \n>  I can no longer tell the difference between him and my lover. I get terrified and  \n>  shut down, then just try to hurry up and get sex over with. It's awful.  \n> \n> \n> Carla\n\nTriggers seem to arise unexpectedly. They can evoke images or memories of the abuse, emotions, or feelings in your body. Many survivors report being overwhelmed by a sense of not wanting their partner to touch them, or pulling away from physical or sexual touch out of an automatic fear that they will be hurt or betrayed.\n\n> > Sometimes my girlfriend reaches to touch me and I want to push her away. I don't want her near me and I feel nauseated.\n> \n> Kathy\n\nTriggers can also be sudden moods that seem to take over. You may be enjoying flirting or talking sexy with your partner and suddenly find yourself angry and annoyed, or grief-stricken. These are typical experiences for survivors.\n\n> > I get so angry, I feel sorry for my husband. We'll be acting playful, flirting, and beginning to be sexual, and I will turn on him. I kind of flip inside. Suddenly I am agitated and annoyed. Everything he does grates on me.\n> \n> Rona\n\nJust being confronted with certain sexual acts, smells, sounds, and colors may act as triggers for survivors. Even enjoying certain sexual acts or orgasm may serve as a trigger point.\n\n> > Oral sex\u2026I just can't do it yet. I try, but I start to gag and I feel like I'm that little girl again with my uncle shoving himself down my throat.\n> \n> Tracy\n>\n>> I used to cry every time I had an orgasm. I didn't understand it until I remembered the incest. The tears are a mix of relief and guilt and shame. It really stirs up the part of the abuse that physically felt good and all the shame of thinking it was my fault.\n> \n> Roslyn\n\nTriggers are history seeping through into the present, pieces of memory emerging from the past. While the pain, anger, or confusion can seem to be a response to something that is happening today, it is really a fragment of visual, emotional, or body memory making its way to the surface. Triggers act like cracks in present-day reality that open to unresolved trauma from the past.\n"}
{"input": "  Write a new section for the chapter \"Embracing Triggers\", titled \"Map to Recovery\". In this section:\n\n* Explain that the same or similar triggers often recur until the associated memory or trauma is processed and released.\n* Discuss how triggers act as flags that alert survivors to aspects of healing that need to be addressed.\n* Emphasize that triggers can serve as a map to recovery and sexual healing.\n* Provide a quote from Kay about how she identified and dealt with a specific trigger.\n* Encourage readers to discover their triggers by reflecting on sights, smells, places, sexual positions, or sounds that can trigger them.\n* Explain the importance of identifying triggers in the sexual healing process.\n* Suggest exploring patterns in triggers, similar to tracking patterns of dissociation.\n* Provide examples of specific triggers, such as intensity during sex or liking certain \"unacceptable\" turn-ons.\n* Include a quote from Jeanie about her trigger related to sexual intensity.\n* Encourage readers to note how their body changes when they are triggered, including any sensations, moods, and emotions they experience.\n* Provide examples of recurring images, sounds, memories, emotions, or body sensations that emerge when triggered.\n* Include quotes from Lourdes and Mimi about their experiences with triggers related to not having sex and saying \"no\".", "response": "\n\n#  Map to Recovery\n\nThe same or similar triggers often recur until that piece of memory or trauma is processed and released. In this way, triggers act as flags to alert you to aspects of healing that need to be addressed. Triggers can serve as a map to your recovery and sexual healing. By attending to and healing through your triggers, you can unpack the baggage of sexual abuse from your sexuality.\n\n> > I always used to get triggered by my girlfriend kissing me in a certain way; it made me want to push her away or totally dissociate. I then had the memory of my brother kissing me that same way when he abused me. I cried and got angry and dealt with that memory, and that trigger is put to rest.\n> \n> Kay\n\nSo, what triggers you? What sights, smells, places, sexual positions, or sounds can trigger you? What ways of being sexual make you want to run, dissociate, freeze, or get angry or sad? How about sex and intimacy combined? What happens for you then? Discovering your triggers is like finding important clues on a treasure hunt. This information is vital in the sexual healing process.\n\nJust as you tracked patterns of dissociation in chapter 3, you can track patterns in your triggers. What triggers you sexually? Your own intensity? That you like anal sex, S/M, or other \"unacceptable\" turn-ons?\n\n> > I've found that one of my biggest triggers is how intense I can get sexually. I want to fuck, and bite, and grab. It is all consensual, we are adults, and I still get triggered into this feeling of shame.\n> \n> Jeanie\n\nNote how your body changes when you are triggered. What sensations do you notice? What happens in your body? Do you stop breathing, hold your jaws tight, tighten your genitals or sphincter muscle? How do your moods and emotions shift?\n\nWhat recurring images, sounds, memories, emotions, or body sensations emerge when you are triggered? Explore your triggers; there is a world of information to gain.\n\n> > Not having sex triggers me. I start to get all weird, like I am unworthy, unloved. I feel like I need to go find a trick or one-night stand to prove myself again.\n> \n> Lourdes\n>\n>> Saying \"no\" is an unbelievable trigger for me. I either can't say it at all, or I start shaking and muttering\u2026I feel like I am five again. My \"no\" has been incested out of me.\n> \n> Mimi\n"}
{"input": " Write a new section for the chapter \"Embracing Triggers\", titled \"Embracing Triggers: This Way Out\". In this section:\n\n* Explain that embracing triggers may seem counterintuitive, but emphasize its effectiveness in dealing with them.\n* Encourage readers to move toward and into their triggers instead of avoiding them, as they can provide opportunities to process the material and release the trigger.\n* Emphasize that triggers act as signposts to what is in need of healing and guide survivors on the road to freedom.\n* Include a subsection called \"Tracking Triggers\" with examples of various triggers related to sights, sounds, smells, positions, places, and body sensations.\n* Include examples of recurring visuals, smells, sounds, emotions, and body memories associated with triggers.\n* Discuss how many survivors hate triggers and try to avoid them, which can lead to organizing their lives to avoid uncomfortable feelings.\n* Provide quotes from Mimi and Maria about how they avoided sex due to triggers.\n* Explain that avoiding triggers can make them seem bigger and more powerful, while leaving all the landmines of sexual abuse in place.\n* Encourage readers to take on, feel, and process triggers, so they can shrink or transform into completed parts of their history.\n* Provide quotes from Lee, Melanie, Stephanie, and Halli about their experiences with embracing and processing triggers.", "response": "\n\n#  Embracing Triggers: This Way Out\n\nThe idea of embracing your triggers may seem counterintuitive at first. You may feel uncomfortable and unsettled with this way of dealing with triggers, yet I have seen its effectiveness time and time again. Instead of avoiding and moving away from triggers, you can begin to move toward and into them. When you get triggered you can say, \"Hey, good news, I am triggered. Now I can free up more of me!\" When you move yourself toward and into a trigger, you have the opportunity to then process the material and move through it. In doing this you can release the trigger from your body, emotions, and mind and be complete with it. Triggers act as signposts to what is in need of healing. They guide you on the road to freedom.\n\n> Tracking Triggers\n>\n>> a. I get triggered when (sights, sounds, smells, positions, places)\u2026\n>> \n>> I really let go and get into sex. If I like or love sex, then I must have wanted the abuse.\n>> \n>> My husband comes at me from behind.\n>> \n>> I am awoken in the middle of the night to have sex. I can't tell where I am or who my boyfriend is.\n>> \n>> The inside of my right thigh is stroked repeatedly. I want to kick.\n>> \n>> My legs or arms are held down.\n>> \n>> My nipples are touched softly. This unnerves me; I need a firmer touch.\n>> \n>> I see men who look like my uncle.\n>\n>> b. What happens in my body is (sensations)\u2026\n>> \n>> I get extremely tense between my shoulder blades.\n>> \n>> My breathing gets really shallow.\n>> \n>> My feet and the lower part of my body seem far away, not quite a part of me anymore.\n>> \n>> My genitals and anus tense up.\n>> \n>> I float out of my body.\n>> \n>> My throat gets tight and I feel like I can't speak.\n>\n>> c. Recurring visuals, smells, sounds, emotions and body memories are\u2026\n>> \n>> This picture of my dad entering my bedroom and coming toward me.\n>> \n>> A picture of my grandpa with a hard-on.\n>> \n>> Being penetrated from behind; this grips my body and senses.\n>> \n>> The smell of his deodorant.\n>> \n>> The smell of alcohol on his breath.\n>> \n>> Having weight on top of me, which makes me feel panicked and trapped.\n>> \n>> The sound of their voices; I don't know where to run.\n\nMost of us hate triggers and getting triggered. They can be painful, annoying, and devastating, and they interrupt otherwise good experiences. Because of this, many survivors try to avoid triggers as much as possible. They try to organize their lives, and especially their sex lives, to avoid the uncomfortable and often painful feelings that being triggered can bring up. Eventually, people can a build a narrow life entirely motivated by avoiding triggers.\n\n> > Sex triggered me so much that I eventually avoided it altogether. I tried to become asexual and rid myself of all notions of being erotic. This has cost me a lot of joy in my life.\n> \n> Mimi\n>\n>> You know, in taking on recovering from all this stuff, I realized that I had not touched myself in years. This is so sad when I think about it now. They scared me away from my own body.\n> \n> Maria\n\nTriggers are funny creatures. When they are avoided, they seem to become bigger or more powerful, while the space for you becomes smaller. Avoiding triggers also leaves all of the land mines of sexual abuse in place, so the terrain of your life continues to feel dangerous and untrustworthy. When triggers are taken on, felt, and processed, they shrink or transform altogether. What was once a trigger becomes a completed part of your history. You may notice it periodically, but it no longer runs you.\n\n> > I didn't think I would ever make it to the place where I could enjoy sex and not be triggered. It is amazing to me that I have arrived. I still deal with a trigger periodically, but mostly I am present and enjoying myself. It is great!\n> \n> Lee\n\nBy trying to ignore triggers, you are saying that the trigger is more powerful than you are. This, of course, is not the case. You are more powerful than what happened to you. It may not feel like it sometimes, but I can assure you this is the case. You are more powerful than what happened to you or you would not have made it.\n\n> > The first time I decided to stay with a trigger to try to process it, I was terrified.  \n>  I thought it was insane to keep myself there. It was painful, and I cried and  \n>  remembered new stuff. I hated it, and I got through it. That trigger and those  \n>  memories were never as scary again.  \n> \n> \n> Melanie\n>\n>> My body would shake whenever I tried to hang with the touch that triggered me the most. But I learned to breathe and just let myself shake. It felt like all the terror and fear of the abuse, all the tears could now pour out of me in a way that they couldn't before. I feel very thankful and compassionate with myself now.\n> \n> Stephanie\n>\n>> Since I really started taking on my triggers and treating them like messengers of important information, I have been changing. I can masturbate and not check out or have a guilt attack now. No, even more than that, I can masturbate, feel sexy, and enjoy myself.\n> \n> Halli\n"}
{"input": " Write a new section for the chapter \"Trigger Plan and Tools\", which includes the following:\n\n* Encourage readers to check their network of support and emphasize the importance of having people to talk to, cry with, and explore ideas with during the healing process.\n* Suggest readers review the simple steps provided for handling triggers in a nonsexual situation before using them during sexual encounters.\n* Introduce the \"Trigger Plan\" and its easy format for preparing oneself.\n* Describe the first step, \"NOTICE\", which involves noticing when one is triggered, checking the source of uneasiness, and determining if the partner is an ally or an enemy.\n* Describe the second step, \"STOP AND BREATHE\", which involves stopping, pausing, and breathing while assessing the situation, feelings, and needs.\n* Describe the third step, \"CHOOSE\", which involves making choices on how to handle the trigger, considering what is best for the ongoing healing process, and trying new risks.\n* Describe the fourth step, \"ENGAGE\", which involves continuing to be present with oneself and one's partner, communicating the choice made, and engaging in the experience while staying connected to oneself, one's body, and one's partner.\n* Mention that if the first choice doesn't work, it's okay to change the mind and make a different choice.\n* Describe the final step, \"RETURN\", which involves going back to the beginning and starting the process again as necessary.", "response": "\n\n#  Trigger Plan and Tools\n\nSo, just how do you handle triggers? What do you do in the midst of being sexual when you are no longer with the living? How can you use your triggers to heal yourself? Before we begin, I suggest that you check out your network of support. Having people you can talk to, cry with, and explore these ideas with is essential to the healing process. If you haven't begun to gather a support network, please do so now. You can find advice on this in chapter 1.\n\nThe following are simple steps to take when you are triggered in a sexual situation. These tools can be used in both partner sex and masturbation. I suggest that you review these steps first in a nonsexual situation. Give them a test run. Talk them through with a friend, partner, or counselor, or write about them in your journal. Practicing these steps outside of a sexual encounter will make them much easier to use while being sexual. It is hard to try a new approach when you are feeling triggered in the middle of sex. By practicing these tools first, you will have resources at hand to help you through.\n\nThese steps are encapsulated in the Trigger Plan later in this chapter. This is an easy format to use in preparing yourself.\n\n  \n\n\nNOTICE.\n\nBegin by noticing when you are triggered. This can be the biggest step. What is triggering you? What sensations are you feeling in your body? Are you breathing? Often we blame our partners for the discomfort, irritation, or dislike that emerges with a trigger. Thoroughly check out the source of your uneasiness with your partner when it comes up. Are you triggered? How can your partner be an ally to you now, instead of an enemy? As with dissociation, your partner can help you notice when you are triggered.\n\n  \n\n\nSTOP AND BREATHE.\n\nStop, pause, and breathe. Assess the situation. What are you feeling? What's going on? What do you need? It is fine to take a break in the middle of sex. Stopping and addressing the trigger will ultimately make your sexual experience more satisfying, safe, and healing. Refer to your internal sensations of safety or your emotional resource (see chapter 1).\n\n  \n\n\nCHOOSE.\n\nNow is your opportunity. Once you have noticed your trigger and paused, there are numerous options for handling it. You'll find some options listed below, under Many Choices. Please add to the list those particular things that work for you. When making a choice as how to handle a trigger, check in with what you need right now and what will be best for your ongoing healing process. If in the past you have tended to choose to stop being sexual, try something different instead. Take a break and then re-engage sexually. Or change what you are doing but remain in physical contact with yourself or your partner. If you have consistently tried to push through triggers, now try stopping. Attend to the child in you. Or move toward the trigger to work with it. Taking new risks is important. It expands your options and lets you learn to do what was previously not possible.\n\n  \n\n\nENGAGE.\n\nContinue to be present with yourself and your sex partner. Communicate your choice and talk it over with her or him. Then, engage. Keep bringing yourself to the experience, whether you have chosen to go into the trigger, to continue being sexual, or to get up and go on a walk. Stay connected to yourself, your body, and your partner as much as possible. This is a process of retraining your body. You can be in contact with yourself and another even if you are triggered. You don't have to go away or disappear. You can stay in your body and at choice. If your first choice doesn't work for you, feel free to change your mind and make a different choice.\n\n  \n\n\nRETURN.\n\nGo back to the beginning and start again as necessary.\n"}
{"input": " Write a new section for the chapter \"Many Choices\", which includes the following:\n\n* Emphasize the importance of having a variety of options to handle triggers and not sticking to one approach always.\n* Mention that there are no hard-and-fast rules about what to do when triggered; it depends on the individual and the situation.\n* Encourage the reader to watch for patterns in their response to triggers and try different approaches.\n* Provide a list of options, which includes:\n\t1. GO INTO THE TRIGGER: This involves focusing on the visual, auditory, or bodily sensations triggered, while continuing the activity that triggered the response. The goal is to move into, feel, remember, release, and complete the stored memory or trauma. This may involve expressing emotions physically and sharing what is happening with a partner.\n\t2. WATCH FROM A DISTANCE: This involves watching the trigger from a distance while remaining rooted in the present. This can be useful with a trigger that has already been processed or one that the person is working on but doesn't want to process fully right now. This can be achieved by noticing objects in the room, colors on the walls, sounds in the environment, and feeling the body.\n\t3. MOVE: This involves getting up and moving, stretching, breathing, and relaxing the body. Making sounds or shaking the body can also help \"shake off\" the trigger.\n\t4. TAKE CARE OF THE CHILD: This involves approaching the trigger as if it were a small child who is afraid and upset, taking care of the inner child by comforting, rocking, or explaining that sex is for grown-ups, not for kids.\n\t5. LET'S MAKE A DEAL: This involves negotiating with the triggered part of oneself, asking what it needs and how to provide it, and setting a specific date and time to attend to it.\n\t6. CHANGE SEXUAL ACTIVITIES: This involves changing positions, sexual activities, turning on the light, or adjusting the environment to shift a trigger.\n\t7. GO TO THE MOVIES: This involves choosing a different activity that is still sensual or erotic, such as massage with no genital contact, feeding each other foods, or bathing together. Alternatively, taking a break from sex altogether and engaging in a non-sexual activity, such as taking a walk, listening to music, drawing, or going to the movies.\n\t8. RETURN TO THE PRESENT: This involves pausing and breathing, orienting oneself to the present by noticing objects, sounds, smells, temperatures, and sensations, reminding oneself of where one is, whom one is with, and that what one is doing is consensual.\n\t9. CHANGE THE STORY: This involves acknowledging, feeling, and gaining information from triggers and then changing the story by imagining a different outcome.\n\t10. SAY \"NO\" TO REPEATING TRIGGERS: This involves telling repeating triggers that they are no longer welcome and setting internal boundaries.\n\nAsk the reader to come up with other ways to handle their triggers and emphasize that practicing these tools will help them become more skilled at handling triggers and the process will go more quickly. Mention that these tools can be used while masturbating or when having sex with a partner.", "response": "\n\n##  Many Choices\n\nBuilding a whole repertoire of choices gives you numerous avenues you can take when triggered. A generous array of options also allows you to choose different approaches at different times. You may be best supported in your healing process by stopping sex altogether in one encounter, and best served by continuing in another. There are no hard-and-fast rules about what to do when you are triggered. Watch for patterns in your response to triggers. If you always do the same thing, such as stopping sex or trying to go around the trigger, try other approaches. Building options and choices is bringing back into sex what was taken away by sexual abuse.\n\nA number of options follow. This is a limited list; please add to it other options that work for you.\n\n  \n\n\nGO INTO THE TRIGGER\n\nYou can choose to go into the trigger by keeping your focus and attention on the visual, auditory, or bodily sensations that have been triggered. Keep breathing and stay open to feeling your emotions and the sensations in your body. You can continue to do the thing that initially triggered you, to help take you further into it. Go there gently. The intention behind this choice is to move into, feel, remember, release, and complete the stored memory or trauma. You may move into grieving, anger, fear, or some other emotion connected to the abuse. Let those feelings emerge and be released. When going into a trigger, physically expressing the emotions it brings up is a powerful tool and can move you through it more quickly.\n\nIf you are with your partner, share with her or him what is happening and how you are feeling. Let your emotions and body release. If you are shaking, crying, or laughing, do it fully. If you need to express anger, yell into a pillow, hit the bed, or twist a towel as hard as you can. (For more information on safe ways to express traumatic emotions, see chapter 12).\n\nIf you are experiencing a memory of abuse, tell your partner as much as you can about it. When you are able to make eye contact with your partner, do so. Connect with his or her support in the present.\n\nThe only rule during the expressing of intense emotions is not to hurt yourself or anyone else. Do not break or ruin any object that is important to you or anyone else. I find that while most survivors are afraid that they might hurt someone or get out of control if they express the pain, they actually tend to err on the side of holding in their emotions. For most survivors, having feelings, especially those related to the abuse, was dangerous as a child. But now you have the opportunity to feel and express what you could not before. Grief, rage, terror, and confusion are all completely appropriate responses to sexual abuse.\n\nIf you choose to move into the trigger and you are with a partner, first make sure that both of you are ready and willing to go there. This can be an intense experience for your partner as well. During the preparation of your trigger plan, or as you choose to go into the trigger, tell your partner what you need. Do you need to be held? Do you need your partner to back off while you get angry? Communicate your needs as much as possible to help you both move through the experience as smoothly as possible.\n\nIf you are alone and decide to go into a trigger, make contact with someone else afterward by phone or a visit. Tell someone what you went through. Share how you are. Reconnect with another human being. This step is essential to take you out of isolation and rebuild connection and relationship with others.\n\nOnce you have released the emotion, look inside to reestablish a sense of well-being. As discussed in chapter 1, you can build a sense of internal safety through somatic practice. You'll learn more about creating internal resources in chapter 12. For now, consciously notice that though you are feeling pain, you are okay. Nothing bad has happened. You are healing.\n\n  \n\n\nWATCH FROM A DISTANCE\n\nAnother approach to being with a trigger is to watch it from a distance, while remaining rooted in the present. This can be useful with a trigger you have already processed or a trigger you are working on but don't want to process fully right now. Noticing objects in the room, colors on the walls, sounds in the environment will help you remain rooted in the present. Note these out loud if you need to. Feel your body\u2014your weight on the bed or your form filling the chair. Remind yourself of the year and the current date, and that you are here in the present. Breathe. From the present, attend to the trigger or memory. Acknowledge it by speaking about it out loud or writing it down. This approach acknowledges the trigger without moving into it fully. You may want to work with this trigger at another time in a nonsexual setting.\n\n  \n\n\nMOVE\n\nA great way to work with being triggered is to get up and move. Walk around, stretch, breathe, and relax your body. You can also make sounds or shake your body to \"shake off\" the trigger. Moving can have the effect of bringing you to a present and settled place in which you can return to being sexual.\n\n  \n\n\nTAKE CARE OF THE CHILD\n\nYou can approach a trigger as if it were a small child who is afraid and upset. Treat the trigger as you would a real child who interrupted you while you were having sex. Stop being sexual for the moment and attend to the little girl or inner child. What does she need? Pick her up and comfort her; sit down and rock her. You can use a doll or stuffed animal to represent her, if that will make it easier. Explain to her that sex is for grown-ups, not for kids. Once you have taken care of her, put her back to bed. You can then return to sex if you so chose.\n\n  \n\n\nLET'S MAKE A DEAL\n\nEngaging in internal negotiations with triggers is another approach. You can \"talk to\" triggers as if they were parts of you that could communicate. You can ask the triggered part of yourself what it needs and how you might provide that. You will often find that the trigger is a cry for love and attention. You can negotiate to take care of that triggered part of yourself at a later date. If that seems agreeable, make a specific date and time when you will check in with yourself again and attend to the trigger. Keep your commitment.\n\n  \n\n\nCHANGE SEXUAL ACTIVITIES\n\nChanging positions or sexual activities, turning on the light, or adjusting your environment can shift a trigger for you. If you are uncomfortable or feel uneasy with what you are doing, communicate this to your partner and adjust accordingly. This can add to your sexual play and does not need to be a distraction that ends the encounter.\n\nThere are innumerable sexual activities to choose from. If what you are doing is triggering, change activities. If the weight of your partner on top of you triggers you, get on top yourself. Try sitting up or lying side by side. If your partner is sucking on your breasts in a way that triggers you, ask her to kiss your stomach instead. Or turn over onto your stomach and have him lie on your back. Here's an opportunity to get creative. Satisfying sex rarely follows the first-through-fourth-base model of lovemaking.\n\nIf you are having a hard time staying present with your partner, open your eyes and look at him or her. Try changing rooms if need be, or bring objects into the space that remind you of your safety and empowerment.\n\n  \n\n\nGO TO THE MOVIES\n\nYou can also choose to change activities altogether. You can choose something that is still sensual or erotic, such as massage with no genital contact, feeding each other foods you like, or bathing together. Or, you can take a break from sex altogether. Take a walk, listen to music, draw, go to the movies, pet your dog\u2014whatever you like. Whatever your choice, practice being embodied and present with yourself and your partner.\n\n  \n\n\nRETURN TO THE PRESENT\n\nPause and breathe. Orient yourself to the present by noticing objects, sounds, smells, temperatures, and sensations. Remind yourself where you are, whom you are with, and that what you are doing is consensual. Remind yourself that right now you are powerful and at choice. Review the reasons you like to be sexual and how expressing yourself sexually benefits you. Return to the present and continue to be sexual.\n\n  \n\n\nCHANGE THE STORY\n\nOnce you have worked with acknowledging, feeling, and gaining information from your triggers, you can work with changing the story. If a visual memory or body memory arises, you can intercede and imagine a different outcome.\n\nLet's say the body memory of being trapped or held down is triggered. You can stop, breathe, and then imagine pushing off of you the person who is holding you down. Then imagine running for help. Your current adult self can swoop in, pick up the abuser, and throw him across the room, while whisking your frightened child self away to safety. You can imagine that an ally comes in and stops the abuse, telling you that this will never happen again.\n\nThis is an opportunity to get creative. You can rewrite the story in any way you choose. Now, as an adult, you are able to respond to the trigger, take control of the situation, and take back your power and innocence. Make sure the ending of your story includes getting you (and your little girl) to a safe place where there is support.\n\n  \n\n\nSAY \"NO\" TO REPEATING TRIGGERS\n\nWhat if the trigger persists after you've processed it emotionally? Some triggers seem to return out of habit more than anything else. If a recurring image or trigger appears, you can tell it, \"No, you are no longer welcome here. Do not come back.\" You can decide now who is allowed in your inner space and what is going to happen there. This is a process of setting internal boundaries, which you are now in control of. Turn away the image or trigger each time it appears, until it doesn't return again.\n\n> > I had this repeating image of my father that would come to me when I got really turned on. His face would appear and somehow want to be a part of the turn-on. I finally just yelled at him. I told him to get out, and that he was not allowed here anymore. I sent the image out into space, making it smaller and smaller until it disappeared. I did this every time that his face appeared, until it didn't happen anymore. It was great, like taking back my own space.\n> \n> Anne\n\nYOUR CREATIONS\n\n  \n\n\nTake a moment now to come up with other ways that you can heal through and work with your triggers. As you practice using these tools, you will get more skilled at handling your triggers, and the process will go more quickly. You can use these tools while masturbating or when having sex with a partner.\n\n> Trigger Plan\n> \n> Developing a trigger plan is like preparing for a trip. You usually choose your itinerary and gather your maps before you buy your plane ticket. Similarly, set up your trigger plan before you are in a sexual setting. You can develop this plan to use on your own, without necessarily letting your sexual partner in on it. But sharing the plan with your sexual partner can be an empowering risk as well as a great support when working on sexual healing. Please use this plan when being sexual with yourself as well as during partner sex, because masturbation can be just as triggering.\n>\n>> 1\\. Notice.\n>> \n>> What are some of your current triggers? What happens when you are triggered? How can you (or your partner) notice that you are triggered? Be specific about behaviors. List at least three signals or signs that let you know you are triggered. For example: I start to get angry and my lover's touch bugs me. I hold my breath. I want to say something, but I feel like I can't. I worry that I will hurt my lover's feelings. Then I start tensing up in my body and find myself just \"bearing it,\" waiting for the whole thing to be over.\n>\n>> 2\\. Stop.\n>> \n>> Take a deep breath. Stop the sexual activity. You can do this by using a safeword, by moving your body to communicate that you need to stop, or by getting up to go to the bathroom. Breathe again. Name three things you can do to stop sexual activity when you are triggered. Refer to your sense of internal safety and resources.\n>\n>> 3\\. Choose.\n>> \n>> Now you get to choose how you would like to proceed. Keep breathing. Relax your body. It is easiest to do this step if you have already generated a list of options you feel will work for you. Choose from this list what will meet your needs and support your sexual healing now.\n>\n>> 4\\. Engage.\n>> \n>> Instead of dissociating, engage in whatever strategy you have decided on. Continue to build your capacity to stay present and tolerate the sensations and feelings that are a part of this healing work. Just a reminder: you are always allowed to change your mind and to choose again. If you find that you consistently make the same choice, try choosing something different. For instance, if you usually choose to calm the trigger and continue being sexual, try going into the trigger instead. If you consistently choose to stop being sexual, practice continuing slowly. Bring yourself to your own edge of discomfort so that you can expand your possibilities and process the abuse.\n>\n>> 5\\. Return.\n>> \n>> Go back to the beginning whenever you need to.\n"}
{"input": " Write a new section for the chapter \"Tell It Like It Is: Communication and Triggers\", which emphasizes the importance of clear communication when dealing with triggers, needs, or sex. Include the following points:\n\n* Triggers provide an opportunity to communicate clearly, even though it can be challenging initially.\n* The ability to communicate clearly will greatly improve one's sex life and satisfaction, and aid in the healing process.\n* It is easier to communicate in the moment if one has practiced outside of the vulnerable environment of a sexual encounter.\n* For those who are uncomfortable talking about sex, the trigger plan is a great way to begin speaking about sex, choices, and needs.\n* Depending on the level of intimacy, one can show their trigger plan to their partner, create it together, or choose to share specific parts while keeping others private.\n* The more one is able to talk to their sexual partners, the more successful they will be at negotiating triggers, dissociation, and/or sexual abuse memories with them as they emerge.\n* In many cases, just telling a partner what is happening can begin to alter the experience, and partners consistently prefer being informed about what is going on rather than feeling that something is \"off\" or not knowing at all.\n* Communicating gives one the option of respecting and taking care of both themselves and their partner.\n* Provide two contrasting examples of individuals dealing with triggers differently, one who spaces out and avoids communicating, and another who is clear and open with their partner.", "response": "\n\n#  Tell It Like It Is: Communication and Triggers\n\nTriggers provide a great opportunity to communicate clearly. While it can be challenging initially to talk about triggers, your needs, or sex, the ability to do so will greatly improve your sex life and satisfaction, and aid your healing. Again, it is much easier to communicate in the moment if you have practiced first outside of the vulnerable and high-risk environment of a sexual encounter. Talk about sex and your trigger plan while sitting at the kitchen table, or driving in the car, or taking a walk.\n\nLike many people, your partner might also be uncomfortable talking about sex. The trigger plan is a great way to begin to speak about sex, your choices, and your needs. Depending upon how intimate you are, you can show your trigger plan to your partner, create it together, or choose to share specific parts while keeping others private.\n\nThe more you are able to talk to your sexual partners, the more successful you will be at negotiating triggers, dissociation, and/or sexual abuse memories with them as they emerge. In many cases, just telling a partner what is happening can begin to alter the experience. You can then ask your partner for what you need\u2014perhaps to stop or change what he or she is doing. Partners consistently say they would rather be informed about what is going on than feel that something is \"off\" in the experience, or not know at all. Communicating gives you the option of respecting and taking care of both yourself and your partner.\n\n> > I don't tell my lover when I am triggered. It is too embarrassing and I just want it all to go away. Instead, I go away. I usually just space out.\n> \n> Debbie\n>\n>> I am very clear now with my partner when I am triggered. He will often notice  \n>  me going away before I do. Both of us are committed to having sex only when we  \n>  are present. So, he'll speak up or I will, and then I have the chance to come back.  \n>  We'll say, \"Oh,it is you. It's you.\" He is teaching me that the purpose of sex is  \n>  not sensation. It's connection.  \n> \n> \n> Aurora\n"}
{"input": " Write a new section for the chapter \"Safewords\", which emphasizes the importance of creating a safeword when communicating with a partner about sex and triggers. Include the following points:\n\n* Suggest creating a safeword, an agreed-upon word or signal that can be used to communicate \"Stop, I am triggered,\" or \"Wait, I need to talk about or renegotiate what we are doing.\"\n* Choose a simple word or signal that is not usually used during sex, such as traffic signal colors: \"yellow\" meaning check in or slow down, and \"red\" meaning stop.\n* Both partners must agree to respect the safeword or signal, and all activity should be suspended immediately when it is used.\n* If the survivor finds it difficult to speak once they are triggered, suggest they invent a safeword position or hand signal.\n* Remind the reader to be respectful of themselves and their partner during vulnerable states, taking care of their own needs while communicating clearly to respect both parties involved.", "response": "\n\n#  Safewords\n\nAs you communicate with a partner about sex and triggers, it can be useful to create a safeword, an agreed-upon word that you can use to communicate \"Stop, I am triggered,\" or \"Wait, I need to talk about or renegotiate what we are doing.\" Choose a simple word that you don't usually use during sex. Some people use traffic signal colors: \"yellow\" means check in or slow down, and \"red\" means stop. When either of you safewords, all activity is suspended immediately while you check in with each other. Both partners must agree to respect this. Come up with a word that works for you.\n\nMany survivors find it difficult to speak once they are triggered. If this is true for you, you can invent a safeword position or hand signal, such as sitting up or waving your right hand. Again, be creative, and choose something that you can do. Once you have used your safeword or signal, stop and collect yourself. Now is the time to use the trigger plan and decide how to move forward.\n\nRemember that when being sexual, and particularly when dealing with triggers and healing from sexual abuse, both you and your partner are in vulnerable states. Be respectful of yourself as well as of your partner. Take care of your own needs while remembering that your partner is a person with feelings, too. This doesn't mean you should ignore your own needs to take care of your partner's, but that you should communicate as clearly as possible in order to respect both of you.\n"}
{"input": " Write a new section for the chapter \"Troubling Desire\", focusing on the challenges some survivors face when dealing with sexual desires that they find self-destructive or problematic. Include the following points:\n\n* Mention that some survivors have sexual desires that bother them, possibly feeling like their desires are self-destructive.\n* Provide examples of self-destructive sexual desires: disembodied or nonconsensual sex, sex when intoxicated or impaired, and sex that makes the survivor feel disempowered or used. Also include desires that feel like a repeat of the sexual abuse or attractions that could lead to dangerous situations.\n* Share a personal anecdote from a survivor about facing their troubling desires.\n* Emphasize that some survivors may feel attracted to people who continue to abuse them sexually or physically, or they may self-inflict wounds. Another example is when survivors find that the only way they can become aroused is to feel humiliated.\n* Provide another personal anecdote from a survivor who has experienced self-destructive desires.\n* Encourage treating these troubling desires like triggers and suggest exploring what needs to be healed or faced to transform the pain.", "response": "\n\n#  Troubling Desire\n\nSome survivors have sexual desires that bother them. You may feel like your desires are self-destructive. Self-destructive sexual desires can include disembodied or nonconsensual sex, sex when you are intoxicated or high to the extent that your judgment is impaired, and sex that makes you feel disempowered or used. You may also have desires that feel like a repeat of the sexual abuse. You may be sexually attracted to children or put yourself in dangerous sexual situations.\n\n> > It was so hard to finally admit to my therapist that I feel some attraction toward kids. I would never touch one, but I had to really deal with this.\n> \n> Rose\n\nThe turn-ons that seem the most problematic are those that become connected to self-hate and self-destructive tendencies. You may be attracted to people who continue to abuse you sexually or physically, or you may self-inflict wounds. Some survivors find that the only way they can become aroused is to feel humiliated. If you have such troubling desires, learning to separate abuse from your arousal is central to your healing.\n\n> > It seemed like the only men I was attracted to became violent within the first months. I have been raped by a boyfriend and kept going out with him. I cringe when I think of that now. It was all I knew, to be treated like that. It is what I felt I deserved.\n> \n> Tracy\n\nTreat these troubling or self-destructive desires like triggers. What needs to be healed or faced? How can you move into the pain to transform it?\n"}
{"input": " Write a new section for the chapter \"Healing Triggers Outside of Partner Sex\", focusing on the importance of proactively working with triggers outside of sexual encounters. Include the following points:\n\n* Encourage survivors to work with their sexual triggers outside of sexual encounters with a partner, emphasizing that working with triggers exclusively during sex is unfair to their sex life.\n* Mention that many survivors do the majority of their sexual healing and trigger work outside of being sexual with another person.\n* Suggest that survivors can explore their triggers and pleasures through masturbation and note what tools work for them.\n* Introduce a tool for healing triggers called \"Feeding the Triggers\". This tool can be done alone or with a friend, partner, or therapist. Provide a detailed step-by-step guide on how to perform this exercise:\n\t1. Find a comfortable space and identify the trigger to work with.\n\t2. Let the trigger float out of the body and take form on a pillow or chair. Describe the creature or symbol as specifically as possible.\n\t3. Ask the trigger what it needs.\n\t4. Switch places and imagine becoming the creature or symbol. Respond to the question asked in step 3.\n\t5. Keep asking the trigger what it needs until the base of its needs is discovered.\n\t6. Feed the creature with love, safety, acceptance, forgiveness, or whatever it needs until it is fully satisfied.\n\t7. Sit quietly in the emptiness or wholeness.\n\t8. Thank the creature and yourself.\n* Explain that this exercise can be repeated with the same or different triggers as needed and that many triggers require this feeding more than once to be successful.\n* Share a personal anecdote from a survivor who has worked on their sexuality outside of sex and the positive impact it has had.\n\nPlease note that the \"Feeding the Triggers\" exercise is adapted from Tsultrim Allione's chod practice at the Tara Mandala Retreat Center. Include information on where readers can find more resources about this spiritual practice in the spirituality section of the book.", "response": "\n\n#  Healing Triggers Outside of Partner Sex\n\nProactively working with your triggers outside of sexual encounters is a powerful way to move your sexual healing forward. I encourage you to regularly work with your sexual triggers on your own, in conversation with friends, therapists, people in support groups, and other sources of support. Dealing with sexual triggers exclusively during sex is unfair to your sex life.\n\nYou do not need a sexual partner to heal triggers. Many survivors do the majority of their sexual healing and trigger work outside of being sexual with another person. All of the practices in this chapter can be done on your own.\n\nMasturbation is a perfect way to explore your triggers as well as what pleasures you. Most triggers that will emerge during partner sex will emerge during masturbation. Practice being embodied and working with your triggers during masturbation. Note what tools work for you. This gives you powerful groundwork to take into partner sex.\n\n> Feeding the Triggers: A Tool for Healing Triggers\n> \n> This is a very powerful and effective exercise for healing and attending to triggers. Although it might seem daunting at first, once you get the hang of it, it is really quite simple. This exercise can be done alone or with a friend, partner, or therapist whose role will be to facilitate, witness, and be present for the experience.\n>\n>> 1\\. Arrange two pillows or chairs so that they are facing each other. Sit on one. Close your eyes and get in touch with the trigger that you want to work with. Where is it in your body? How does it feel? (e.g., I feel a constriction in my chest and back, or My stomach gets tights and I feel terrified.) Fully feel the trigger and be clear about where in your body you feel it.\n>\n>> 2\\. Next, let the trigger float out of you onto the pillow across from you, taking some form. It could look like a monster, a little girl, a color or shape. Just let it take shape. An image or sense will appear. Now describe the creature sitting across from you as specifically as you can. What color is it? How large? Does it have a face, a look in its eye?\n>\n>> 3\\. Once you have a clear sense of the representation of the trigger, ask it out loud, \"What do you need?\"\n>\n>> 4\\. Switch seats, so that you now occupy the creature or symbol's seat. Take a moment to imagine yourself becoming the creature or symbol. What does it feel like to be this creature? Now respond as the creature. Tell \"you\" in the other chair what it is you need. Speak in \"I\" statements: \"I need,\" \"I want.\"\n>\n>> 5\\. If the trigger wants you, for example, to die, to quit ignoring it, or to eat all the food in the house, ask it (or have your partner ask it) what purpose that would serve. \"If I died, quit ignoring you, or ate all that food, how would that make you feel?\" You want to discover the need beneath the need. Continue to ask these questions until you get to the base of the trigger's needs. Most often, the needs at this point will be for love, safety, acceptance, and forgiveness.\n>\n>> 6\\. Once you have discovered the needs of the trigger you are working with, switch seats and become yourself again. Then, as if by magic, evoke an infinite quantity of love, safety, acceptance, and forgiveness, or whatever it is the trigger symbol needs. Feed the creature what it needs until it is fully and completely satisfied. If you find it difficult to imagine yourself feeding the creature to complete satisfaction, then just imagine that it has been fully fed. Know that all triggers can be fed to their complete satisfaction. Different triggers take in this sustenance in different ways: some eat it, others breathe it in or absorb it into their bodies. Still others take it in best as sounds or colors. Be creative and use what works for your trigger creature.\n>\n>> 7\\. Once the trigger is completely satisfied, or you have imagined that it is, sit quietly. Sit in the emptiness or wholeness. Don't fill it with the next problem, or the next trigger; just sit quietly for a few moments. At this point, many triggers will transform in shape and size. Just notice whatever yours does and be with that. When you are ready, complete the exercise by thanking the creature and yourself.\n>\n>> 8\\. Repeat this exercise with the same or different triggers as needed. Because of the depth of childhood sexual abuse, many triggers will need this feeding more than once. Repeated over time, this approach to healing triggers can be amazingly successful. With practice you can also begin to do this exercise in your own mind. It is a handy tool to carry with you.\n> \n> I learned a version of this exercise from Tsultrim Allione at the Tara Mandala Retreat Center, as a part of the chod practice, a practice of Tibetan meditation. Please see the spirituality section of the Resources for contact information.\n\n> > I found that to really progress in getting my sexuality back, I had to work on it outside of sex. I wrote about it, and I took it, reluctantly at first, to counseling. After awhile another survivor friend and I made up our own two-person group and talked just about sex and sexual healing. We learned new stuff together, did exercises, and gave ourselves homework. Her support made all the difference.\n> \n> Stephanie\n"}
{"input": "  Write a new section for the chapter \"Taking a Break from Sex\", focusing on the benefits of taking a break from being sexual for a period of time. Include the following points:\n\n* Discuss the power of taking a break from sex, especially if the survivor feels they are only good for or loved for sex.\n* Explain the importance of learning that people love and are attracted to the survivor's person rather than what they can do for them sexually.\n* Provide a list of times when taking a break from sex should be considered, such as:\n\t1. When having sex to fulfill nonsexual needs for closeness and intimacy.\n\t2. When having sex repeatedly for the partner even though the survivor doesn't want to.\n\t3. When having sex of any kind when the survivor doesn't want to.\n\t4. When having sex when the survivor is dissociated, checked out, or not really \"there.\"\n\t5. When sex is the only way the survivor can feel their body.\n\t6. When having sex is the thing that makes the survivor feel worthy.\n\t7. When the survivor has sex because they fear being left if they do not.\n* Emphasize that having sex for any of these reasons communicates to the body that the survivor is not safe, that they are being abused, and that they are only good for sex. This is what childhood sexual abuse teaches them, and not what they want for their sex life now.\n* Encourage the survivor to take on different behaviors and actions.\n* Share a personal story from a survivor who took a break from sex and the positive impact it had on their life.\n* Discuss negotiating a break from sex with a partner, including:\n\t1. Talking with the partner about the need and reasons for the break.\n\t2. Agreeing upon a specific amount of time for the break.\n\t3. Discussing individual goals and relationship goals during the break.\n\t4. Talking about intimacy and partner's sexual needs during the break.\n\t5. Setting dates to check in with each other during the break and at the end of the break.\n\t6. Discussing what the survivor has gotten out of the break, what they have learned, and if they are ready to be sexual now.\n* Address the concerns of survivors who are afraid to negotiate a break from sex because they are afraid of their partner's response.\n* Explain that most partners respond positively to this request and that if the partner is unwilling to take a break, it is important information to know about the partner.\n* Share a personal story from a survivor who negotiated a break from sex with their partner and the positive impact it had on their relationship.\n* Encourage the survivor to be both gentle and courageous during this process, seeing themselves as powerful and capable of healing sexually.", "response": "\n\n#  Taking a Break from Sex\n\nIt can be powerful for survivors to take a break from being sexual for a period of time, particularly if you feel that all you are really good for or loved for is sex. What would it be like to negotiate time off from sex? What would it be like to learn that people love and are attracted to your person rather than what you can do for them sexually?\n\nTimes to consider taking a break from sex include the following:\n\n> \u2022 When you find yourself consistently having sex to fulfill nonsexual needs for closeness and intimacy: If I just have sex with him or her I can be held. What about just asking to be held?\n\n> \u2022 When you are having sex repeatedly \"for your partner\" even though you don't want to.\n\n> \u2022 When you have sex of any kind when you don't want to.\n\n> \u2022 When you have sex when you are dissociated, checked out, or not really \"there.\"\n\n> \u2022 When sex is the only way that you can feel your body.\n\n> \u2022 When having sex is the thing that makes you feel worthy.\n\n> \u2022 When you have sex because you fear being left if you do not.\n\nHaving sex for any of these reasons communicates to your body that you are not safe, that you are being abused, that you are only good for sex. This is what childhood sexual abuse teaches you, and not what you want for your sex life now. Now you can communicate something different to yourself and your body. This means taking on different behaviors and different actions.\n\nHaving sex with your partner when you don't want to, or having sex because it is the only reason you believe you are worthy or loved, is not the same as sexual abuse, nor are your sexual partners your perpetrators. But having this kind of sex does reinforce the belief that you have no say about sex and that you are not worth loving as a whole being. The pattern continues over and over again.\n\n> > There was a point when I was compulsive about sex. I decided to declare a moratorium on sexual activity for four months. After two weeks, I thought I was going to die. I was actually convinced that the peak sexual experience of my life was scheduled for those two weeks and that I'd miss it. During this time out, I was able to discover that my arousal was tied to humiliation because of the abuse.\n> \n> Aurora\n\nYou are now responsible for your well-being and for your body and sexuality. What do you want to be telling yourself? What new experiences and possibilities do you want your body to know?\n\nIf you are in a partnership and want to negotiate a time away from sex, talk with your partner about it. Talk about what you need and why. Explain what you think you will gain by not being sexual for a time. It helps to acknowledge that sex is an important part of any partnership, that you want to take care of this part of your own life, and that you want to take care of it in your relationship as well.\n\nWhen negotiating a break from sex, agree upon a specific amount of time. It can be a month, two months, a year\u2014whatever will work for you both.\n\nWhat do you want to accomplish or work on during this time, individually and in your relationship? How can you be intimate with your partner while taking a break from sex? Talk about your partner's sexual needs. How else can she or he express sexual energy? Masturbation, reading erotic stories, or even writing them are good options. Be creative.\n\nI have found that this is not generally a good time to introduce an outside sexual partner into your relationship. It can confuse matters and stir up lots of other issues that will distract you from the work at hand. Taking a break from sex in your partnership can be a time to deepen your communication and trust. It can serve as a time to grow your relationship.\n\nOnce you have negotiated your time off from sex, set a date about halfway through to check in with each other. Also set a date at the end of the time out to talk and renegotiate, if needed. What have you gotten out of it? What have you learned? Are you ready to be sexual now? Do you want to be sexual? What will continue to move your healing forward?\n\n> > My boyfriend and I arranged to take a break from sex for three months, and then extended it to six months. It was really hard for me to ask for this. I did-n't know if he'd love me still if we weren't having sex. We worked on our relationship a lot during this time, and I feel like it has made us stronger.\n> \n> Hannah\n\nMany survivors never negotiate a break from sex because they are afraid of their partner's response. They continue to have sex out of fear. But most partners respond positively to this request. They are glad to be proactive about sex and learn a lot themselves during this time. If your partner is unwilling to take a break, you can be thankful for such clarity. This is important information to know about your partner. You can consider whether you are compatible as partners through this healing process. You may not be. This can be very painful\u2014but do you really want to be sexual with someone who cannot support you right now?\n\nA break from partner sex can be a time to explore your sexuality on your own. Through masturbation, you can work with your triggers and establish a different relationship with your own body and sexuality. You may also want to take a break from sex with yourself. If so, follow the same model as when negotiating a break with a sexual partner. What do you want to accomplish during this time? What do you want to work on? How can you be intimate with yourself? If you take a break, be conscious about it. Set a date to check in with yourself about being sexual again.\n\n> > When I took a break from having sex with other people, I really took charge of my own sexuality. I learned how to respect myself enough to say \"no,\" and then I said \"yes\" to sex with myself. I learned about sex with my own timing and agenda.\n> \n> Anita\n\nThis work asks you to be both gentle and courageous. See yourself as powerful and capable of healing sexually. Sexual healing can be hard and scary work at times, but the benefits of getting your body and sexuality back are profound.\n"}
{"input": " Write a new section for the chapter \"Sex Guide Exercises\" that focuses on identifying and working with sexual triggers. Include the following points:\n\n* Introduce the concept of sexual triggers and their impact on survivors of sexual abuse.\n* Provide an exercise for identifying triggers, asking the survivor to:\n\t1. List specific acts, states of mind, or feelings that can trigger them.\n\t2. Describe what happens in their body when they are triggered.\n\t3. Identify any repeating images, sounds, or memories that emerge when they are triggered.\n* Encourage the survivor to think about proactive actions they can take to work with their sexual triggers outside of a sexual setting.\n* Suggest creating a detailed \"Trigger Plan\" that includes:\n\t1. Identifying triggers.\n\t2. Outlining actions to take when triggered.\n\t3. Sharing the plan with a partner, friend, or counselor.\n\t4. Adding new ideas to the \"Many Choices\" list for dealing with triggers.\n\nRemember to emphasize the importance of understanding and managing triggers as part of the healing process for survivors of sexual abuse.", "response": "\n\n#  Sex Guide Exercises\n\n> 1\\. What triggers you? What acts, states of mind, or feelings can trigger you? Be specific. What happens in your body when you are triggered? What repeating images, sounds, or memories emerge when you are triggered?\n\n> 2\\. What actions can you take proactively to work with your sexual triggers outside of a sexual setting?\n\n> 3\\. Prepare a Trigger Plan on your own or with a partner. Share this with your partner, a friend, or a counselor. Add your own ideas to the Many Choices list for dealing with triggers.\n"}
{"input": " Write a new chapter for the book called \"The Emotions of Healing: You Gotta Feel Your Way Out of This\". Include the following points:\n\n* Share a quote from a survivor, Carla, about allowing herself to feel guilty, lonely, and angry during sex, which helped her deal with the ways incest affected her sexuality.\n* Discuss the common fear among survivors of feeling emotions deeply, such as guilt, loneliness, or rage, due to the belief that they might never stop crying or might hurt themselves or others.\n* Reassure the reader that the fear of the emotion is usually worse than actually feeling it and that emotions are essential travel companions on the road to sexual healing.\n* Emphasize that healing and enjoying intimate sex require accessing all emotions, not just positive ones.\n* Discuss the survival mechanism of dissociation, where survivors tune out emotions to escape unbearable feelings during the abuse.\n* Explain that unfelt emotions or unprocessed trauma are stored in the body, mind, and spirit, waiting for healing.\n* Share a quote from another survivor, Cindy, about feeling pissed off and lonely after sex, despite believing she should feel happy and satisfied.\n* Explain that feeling bad during the healing process is not a sign of lack of progress, and that healing can sometimes feel like dying and being transformed.", "response": "\n\nchapter twelve\n\nThe Emotions of Healing: You Gotta Feel Your Way Out of This\n\n> Once I let myself feel guilty, lonely, and angry during sex, I began to deal with all of the ways incest had affected my sexuality.\n\nCarla\n\nMany survivors are afraid to feel. You may be afraid that if you let yourself feel the depth of your loss, you will never stop crying. Or that if you let yourself feel the extent of your rage, you will hurt yourself or someone, else. But I have never seen anyone caught in an emotion forever\u2014once they were willing to feel it. Usually the fear of the emotion is worse than actually feeling it.\n\nEmotions are your travel buddies on the road to sexual healing. You can't heal if you can't feel. You certainly can't enjoy the pleasures of intimate sex if you cannot access all of your emotions.\n\nMost of us survived the abuse by tuning out our emotions. Through dissociation, we escaped the emotions that were too unbearable to feel at the time. These unfelt emotions, or unprocessed trauma, are stored in our bodies, minds, and spirits, awaiting healing. Every survivor I've known has, at some point, wished this pain would magically disappear, but that doesn't seem to be how it works. Feeling and healing emotionally is the ticket out.\n\n> > I thought that having sex meant that I was supposed to feel happy all the time and satisfied, but I often felt pissed off and lonely after sex. I figured I must be doing something wrong.\n> \n> Cindy\n\nYou may think feeling bad means you aren't making progress in your healing. This is a mistake. We all hope that healing will feel good; but mostly, it doesn't. Healing can feel more like dying\u2014dying and being transformed, and then finding yourself changed for the better, with a life of your own.\n"}
{"input": " Write a new section for the book called \"You Have to Feel It to Heal It\". Include the following points:\n\n* Discuss the importance of emotions in our responses to life and how they are felt as bodily sensations, emphasizing the benefits of embodiment in emotional healing.\n* Encourage the reader to build emotional flexibility to shift easily between various emotional states, such as sadness, longing, desire, irritation, joy, and pleasure.\n* Provide a list of emotions and ask the reader to reflect on their emotional range and how these emotions manifest as sensations in their body.\n* Explain that emotions occur naturally and automatically and are designed for expression and healing, emphasizing that unfelt or \"held\" emotions can affect physical, mental, and spiritual health.\n* Emphasize that unprocessed traumatic experiences and emotions can color the lenses through which one views reality, leading to feelings of powerlessness even after the threat has passed.\n* Reiterate that emotions are self-healing mechanisms that help maintain mental and spiritual health and that feeling the depths of emotions, such as grief and anger, can lead to transformation and release.\n* Address the common experience of feeling contradictory emotions, such as sadness and relief or anger and compassion, and reassure the reader that these contradictions are natural in the logic of emotions. Encourage the reader to make room in their mind for these emotional contradictions.", "response": "\n\n#  You Have to Feel It to Heal It\n\nEmotions are our responses to life. As we move through our lives, we experience the richness of love and delight, the emptiness of loss, and the fire of dedication and anger. Emotions are felt as bodily sensations. Here is another area of healing in which embodiment pays off. As you become more aware of the sensations in your body, you will gain access to the subtleties and intricacies of your emotions.\n\nYou want to build an emotional flexibility that lets you move easily from one emotional state to another, from sadness to longing and desire, from irritation to joy and pleasure, and so on. Each new emotion helps you build your emotional range. The greater your range, the easier it will be for you to shift from one emotion to the next. You will be less likely to feel stuck in an emotional rut, experiencing the same emotion, such as fear, over and over until it has a stranglehold on your life.\n\n> The Variety of Emotions and Moods\n> \n> What is your emotional range? How do these emotions show up as sensations in your body? enthusiasm excitement sadness grief joy peace ease loss anger irritation settledness groundedness confusion anticipation surprise fear terror ambition love feeling loved spiritual longing sexiness boredom \n\nEmotions occur naturally and automatically, and they are designed for expression and healing. Unfelt or \"held\" emotions will remain in your system until they are acknowledged. If they are never attended to, they can run amok, affecting your physical, mental, and spiritual health. Unprocessed traumatic experiences and emotions color the lenses through which you view your reality. For instance, many adult survivors feel profoundly powerless long after they really are no longer powerless.\n\nI see our emotions as self-healing mechanisms that help us maintain our mental and spiritual health. Grief and anger are natural responses to hurt and trauma, serving as healing agents to mend our wounds. When we are able to feel the depths of these emotions, we experience transformation and release. That metamorphosis and return to empowerment is what we mean by healing.\n\nChances are you've wondered how you can feel contradictory emotions, such as sadness and relief or anger and compassion, at the same time. I've worked with many survivors who insist, \"My feelings don't make sense!\" But emotions follow their own set of rules. Emotional logic and cognitive logic operate quite differently; our emotional systems are vast enough to hold contradictions that don't make sense to our way of thinking. You may feel both love and hate for your perpetrator\u2014most survivors do. You may feel terrified of facing the feelings left over from your abuse, yet long to do so. These contradictions are natural to the logic of emotions. The trick is making room in our minds for the possibility of these contradictions.\n"}
{"input": " Write a new section called \"The Five Stages of Emotions\". In this section:\n\n* Explain that emotions and emotional expression follow a predictable cycle, like a wave building and crashing on the beach before reintegrating into the ocean.\n* Break down the process of emotions into five stages:\n  - The emotion shows up as a sensation or feeling, which may be a response to either a current or a past experience.\n  - The individual has a choice to turn away from the emotion or open toward it.\n  - As the individual attends to or turns toward the emotions, they intensify and increase.\n  - Emotions grow to a point of fullness, like water about to spill over the top of a bowl.\n  - Emotions are expressed bodily, and the individual intentionally completes the cycle by drawing upon their internal emotional resources.\n* Discuss how turning away from emotions can be a way of taking care of oneself, but holding emotions down as a way of life is not effective. Also mention that the longer one braces against emotions, particularly those wrought by abuse, the longer those emotions will run their life.\n* Explain that the full expression of even the most intense and scary emotions usually lasts only twenty minutes at most.\n* Discuss the completion stage, where one may find relief, peace, renewed energy, and a sense of healing or transformation. Encourage the reader to take time to be with themselves and check in with their internal sense of safety and well-being.\n* Mention that orgasms follow this same cycle, and ask the reader to pay attention to the completion stage.\n* Address the possibility of recycling trauma instead of healing it if the reader finds themselves pouring out emotion with no experience of change or integration. Encourage the reader to ask themselves, \"What would it take to complete this feeling?\"\n* Discuss the importance of facing, feeling, releasing, and completing traumatic emotions in order to be free to build intimate, sexual relationships.\n* Encourage the reader to take a moment to consider which stages in the cycle of emotions they are good at and which they need to practice. Ask the reader if they are able to express their emotions or if they tend to hold or repress them. Discuss whether the reader can complete a cycle of emotion and move to integration and where they can use more support or learning.", "response": "\n\n#  The Five Stages of Emotions\n\nEmotions and emotional expression follow a predictable cycle. The cycle of emotions can be like a wave building to fullness and crashing on the beach, then reintegrating into the ocean only to come to shore once more.\n\nI've broken this process down into five stages:\n\nFirst, the emotion shows up as a sensation or feeling. The emotion may be a response to either a current or a past experience. Of course, emotions from the past will emerge as you heal.\n\nThen you have a choice. You can turn away from the emotion or you can open toward it. There are times when putting an emotion on hold is a good way of taking care of yourself. Holding emotions down doesn't work as a way of life, however. The longer you brace against emotions, particularly those wrought by abuse, the longer those emotions will run your life.\n\n> The Five Stages of Emotions\n>\n>> 1\\. Sensations and emotions emerge.\n>\n>> 2\\. As you attend to or turn toward the emotions, they intensify and increase.\n>\n>> 3\\. Emotions grow to a point of fullness, like water about to spill over the top of a bowl.\n>\n>> 4\\. Emotions release or are expressed bodily.\n>\n>> 5\\. Intentionally complete the cycle. Draw upon your internal emotional resources.\n\nInstead of turning way from the emotions, you can choose to welcome them. In stage two of the cycle, you attend to the emotion, feeling your way into the sensation. When you do this, the emotion tends to intensify and reveal itself. This stage can often be the scariest. Just as in healing from dissociation, feeling your emotions means learning to tolerate these sensations in your body.\n\nStage three brings the emotion to fullness. The emotion grows in its charge and sensation. You may feel like you are about to cry. Your chest may overflow with joy and pleasure. You may want nothing more than to throw a major tantrum.\n\nStage four brings release. Depending upon the emotion, you may experience this release as gentle or very intense. You may sweat or blush, sob, shake, tremble, kick, laugh, yell, or become overheated or chilled. This expression is the release of the emotion. Surprisingly, the full expression of even the most intense and scary emotions usually lasts only twenty minutes at most.\n\nAfter the full expression of the emotion, you may find relief, peace, renewed energy, and a sense of healing or transformation. This is the completion of the cycle, or what some people call integration. Take time to be with yourself. Breathe. Check in with your internal sense of safety and well-being (see chapter 1). Notice that you are alright, that you were not harmed in the process of healing. Acknowledge that you are complete with this piece of your healing; it can be helpful to say this out loud. Bring intentionality to this part of the process.\n\nOrgasms follow this same cycle. Surprised?\n\nPay attention to the completion stage. Sometimes you may find yourself pouring out emotion with no experience of change or integration. You could be recycling the trauma rather than healing it. I do not encounter this often\u2014most people who are not ready for healing try to repress emotions related to the abuse. But if this is happening to you, ask yourself, \"What would it take to complete this feeling?\" If you don't know the answer, make one up. Imagine you know what completion would feel like. Try it on for size.\n\nOnce you face, feel, release, and complete traumatic emotions, you will be free to build intimate, sexual relationships. Instead of being weighed down by the burden of your past, you'll need carry with you only enough faith and courage to meet the fears and risks love requires of us all.\n\nTake a moment to consider which stages in the cycle of emotions you are good at and which you need to practice. Are you able to express your emotions, or do you tend to hold or repress them? Can you complete a cycle of emotion and move to integration? Where can you use more support or learning?\n"}
{"input": " Write a new section called \"Emotional Centering\". In this section:\n\n* Explain that sensations are the basis of emotions.\n* Ask the reader to think about their favorite color, piece of music, or a place where they experience peace or beauty, and notice what happens to their sensations.\n* Ask the reader how they know when they are happy or upset, and where in their body they feel that.\n* Explain that noticing emotions as sensations enables one to become emotionally flexible and have room enough internally to both experience and interpret their emotions as they happen.\n* Define what is meant by being emotionally centered, and that being emotionally centered allows one to fully experience their feelings and take care of themselves at the same time.\n* Mention that developing an emotional center is a skill that will be useful in bringing intimacy and sex together and in the sexual healing process.\n* Discuss how people become accustomed to interpreting certain sensations as certain emotions, giving examples of the sensations of fear feeling similar to the sensations of excitement or titillation and the sensations of being grounded feeling much like those of boredom or being stuck.\n* Encourage the reader to be curious about their sensations and differentiate them from their emotions.\n* Share an example of someone who noticed their sensations, interpreted them correctly, and found a more positive outcome than they initially expected.\n* Remind the reader to be careful when interpreting their emotions and not to just \"re-interpret\" terror as excitement when it really is terror. Encourage the reader to gently release and feel the terror in order to heal it.", "response": "\n\n#  Emotional Centering\n\nSensations are the basis of emotions. Think about your favorite color or piece of music, or a place you where you experience peace or beauty. Notice what happens to your sensations. Your chest might relax and open, your belly settle, or your legs feel a pleasant streaming. How do you know when you are happy or upset? Where in your body do you feel that?\n\nNoticing your emotions as sensations enables you to become emotionally flexible, moving more easily between emotional states and having room enough internally to both experience and interpret your emotions as they happen.\n\nThis is also what is meant by being emotionally centered. When you are emotionally centered, you are able to hang with your emotions, to notice them, feel them, and attend to them, yet not have them run you. Being emotionally centered allows you to fully experience your feelings and take care of yourself at the same time. With practice, you can learn how to have your emotions fully and make your own choices about them. Developing this kind of emotional center is a skill you will use in bringing intimacy and sex together. You will also use it in your sexual healing process.\n\nWe become accustomed to interpreting certain sensations as certain emotions. For example, the sensations of fear may feel similar to the sensations of excitement or titillation. The sensations of being grounded can feel much like those of boredom or being stuck. Be curious about your sensations. Are you feeling fear? Or are you opening up? Once you learn to differentiate sensations and emotions, subtlety comes into play.\n\n> > I was fantasizing about sex with this guy I've been attracted to for a long time.  \n>  I was masturbating, and I got to this edge I've reached before that feels like old  \n>  fear about the abuse. Instead of checking out or trying to get away from it, I  \n>  stayed with it. The most amazing thing happened. Upon closer examination,  \n>  what felt like fear was sexual excitement. The feeling kind of opened up then  \n>  and became very pleasant and alive.  \n> \n> \n> Danielle\n\nBe careful when interpreting your emotions. It will not help you just to \"re-interpret\" terror as excitement when it really is terror. Gently releasing and feeling the terror will heal it for you\n"}
{"input": " Write a new section called \"Emotional Sourcing\". In this section:\n\n* Encourage the reader to imagine a deep internal well of emotional resources that they can access when they need support.\n* Explain that emotional sourcing helps develop positive, pleasurable places within oneself to approach healing.\n* Provide instructions on how to create emotional sourcing: \n  - Bring attention to any pleasant, peaceful, or settled sensation in the body.\n  - Find a spot in the body where warmth is spreading or where relaxation is present.\n  - If a source of pleasure in the body cannot be found, suggest the reader to imagine an object or place that gives them pleasure (e.g., a beautiful shirt, a seashell, a special gift, or a place in nature).\n  - Mention that if the reader finds themselves smiling, they have found their source.\n  - Let the reader enter the sensations and notice where the feelings of pleasure show up in the body.\n* Explain that when encountering a difficult moment in the healing process, the reader can return to their emotional source to center themselves and gain perspective on their recovery.\n* Emphasize that this internal source of support will ease the process of working through difficult emotions and traumas.", "response": "\n\n#  Emotional Sourcing\n\nImagine that you had a deep internal well of emotional resources to dip into when the going gets tough. Facing your feelings might not seem so terrible if you knew the emotional support you needed was available right inside of you. Emotional sourcing helps you develop positive, pleasurable places in yourself from which to approach your healing.\n\nTo create emotional sourcing for yourself, bring your attention to any pleasant, peaceful, or settled sensation you can find in your body right now. Can you find a spot in your body where you feel warmth spreading? A sense of relaxation? If you can't find a source of pleasure in your body, try imagining an object that gives you pleasure\u2014the beautiful shirt you are wearing, a seashell or stone you found, or a special gift from a dear friend. Maybe your source will be a place in nature. If you find yourself smiling, you've got it! Now let yourself enter those sensations. Notice where the feelings of pleasure show up in your body. Get to know them.\n\nWhen you reach a difficult piece of your healing, a moment you think you just will not survive, you can go back to your emotional source. Use that internal source of support to center yourself and help you gain perspective on your recovery. This will ease the process of working through difficult emotions and traumas.\n"}
{"input": " Write a new section called \"Emotional Healing\". Begin this section with a quote from a survivor expressing their fear of facing their emotions. Then, in this section:\n\n* Explain that as the reader heals, they will likely work with a range of emotions, including anger, grief, a sense of betrayal, blaming themselves, placing accountability on the offender, shame, terror, a sense of their own internal resources and courage, longing, and compassion and forgiveness for themselves.\n* Emphasize that survivors who are willing to face these emotions develop both courage and calmness.", "response": "\n\n#  Emotional Healing\n\n> > I am afraid that if I let myself start crying I will never stop.\n> \n> Sheila\n\nAs you heal, you will likely work with anger, grief, a sense of betrayal, blaming yourself, and placing accountability on the offender, shame, terror, a sense of your own internal resources and courage, longing, and compassion and forgiveness for yourself. I have found that survivors who are willing to face these emotions develop both courage and calmness.\n"}
{"input": " Write a new section called \"Anger and Rage\". Begin this section with two quotes from survivors expressing their fear and their empowerment from their anger. Then, in this section:\n\n* Explain the only rule for expressing anger and rage about having been sexually abused as a girl: do not hurt yourself or anyone else, or break any object that is important to you or to anyone else.\n* Emphasize that survivors often have a hard time expressing anger and that anger is energy that can be used to protect oneself and stand up for one's rights and dignity.\n* Discuss how anger may emerge during sex and provide suggestions for safely expressing anger, such as finding a safe place to be loud, using physical movement, and having someone witness your anger.\n* Conclude by emphasizing the importance of anger in reclaiming one's worthiness, dignity, and self-respect.", "response": "\n\n##  Anger and Rage\n\n> > I am scared to death of my anger. I am afraid that if I express it, really let it out, it will take over my life. I will be some mad, raging woman, screaming at the world.\n> \n> Chris\n>\n>> My anger has saved my life. My anger has been the juice that let me know I was worth something.\n> \n> Daren\n\nWhen it comes to expressing your anger and rage about having been sexually abused as a girl, there is only one rule:\n\nDo not hurt yourself or anyone else, or break any object that is important to you or to anyone else.\n\nOtherwise, you have free reign to let out all of that anger until you have expressed all that is useful to express.\n\nMost survivors I have worked with are so concerned about not raging that it takes them a long time to learn to express any anger at all. You may be able to say, \"I am angry,\" but really letting out the rage, expressing all the anger that you didn't get to express as a child, may be something else altogether.\n\nAnger is energy you can use to protect yourself and to stand up for your rights and dignity. Now you can have the opportunity to benefit from your anger in the ways that you could not as a kid.\n\n> > I found this amazing therapist a couple of years into my healing. She taught me to wail on huge pillows with a plastic bat. I felt like I was living a delayed reaction. Now I was getting to respond physically in all of the ways that weren't safe when I was a girl.\n> \n> Stephanie\n\nFor many survivors, anger emerges during sex. You may be angry that a memory or trigger is invading your sex life or pissed off at your own emotions, sensations, turn-on, or body. You may also feel angry at your partner. Suddenly, nothing your lover does is right and you can barely tolerate a touch that previously you may have delighted in. There's no mistaking this trigger. The past comes bubbling up and your hurt, fear, and anger get projected onto the closest target.\n\n> > I find it much easier to get angry at my boyfriend, to harp on him about anything, than to direct my anger where it belongs. It is so much scarier to get angry at those who hurt me.\n> \n> Debbie\n\nWell, it's time to get angry at those who hurt you. Go directly to the source. Get angry at the people who caused you this pain. Get mad at the people who failed to protect you. Express that anger in a way that works for you\u2014scream at your pillow, lecture the wall, write a letter. Say everything you wanted to say long ago, but couldn't. Allow yourself to express what you have wanted all these years to express.\n\n> Ways to Safely Express Your Anger\n>\n>> \u2022 Find a safe place where you can be loud and use your voice. Your bedroom, the shower, a secluded place in the woods, or your car are good choices. Make noise, growl, yell. Tell that abuser everything you have always wanted to say. Make noise as you\u2026\n>\n>> \u2022 Physicalize your anger. Get a tennis racket or plastic bat and beat on pillows, your bed, or a couch. Breathe. Bend your knees so you don't injure your back.\n>\n>> \u2022 Twist a large towel in your hands, wringing your anger into it.\n>\n>> \u2022 Rip up old phone books. Tear them apart with your anger.\n>\n>> \u2022 Lie on a mattress or futon. Beat your fists and kick your legs on the surface. Push against something.\n>\n>> \u2022 Pile up cushions along the base of a couch, or stack cushions along a wall. Turn onto one side and kick in the pillows. If using a wall, ensure that there is enough padding, that you are safe, and that you do not break your toes or kick the wall in. Being able to kick your legs can be an amazing relief. Our legs and butts are the sites of the most powerful muscles in our bodies. We can move them with great force.\n\nWhen you feel angry during sex, pause, breathe, and acknowledge that anger in some way. You may find it works for you to do this internally, or you may need to acknowledge the anger out loud. You may decide to acknowledge the anger in the moment or save it for your therapy group, a phone call to your best friend, or some other supportive setting. Feeling anger is a healthy part of being alive. Feeling intense anger is a really healthy response to being sexually abused as a child.\n\nWhen feeling and expressing your anger, remember to breathe and to stay in your body. How does your body want to express this anger? You may feel silly, but let your body do what it wants to do. Many survivors were held down, trapped by the weight of their abusers, and terrorized or shamed into silence. You may want to push or hit, yell, curse, or kick. Any of these are fine, provided you do them safely.\n\nWhen you are ready, try expressing your anger with someone else present. This could be a close friend, another survivor, a support group, or your counselor or therapist. It can be difficult to learn to express your anger alone. Having someone witness your anger can be very powerful. When you are feeling small and vulnerable, it's great to have someone who can remind you of how you stood up for yourself.\n\nAnger helps you reclaim your worthiness, dignity, and self-respect. Anger says, \"No, this was not right. This is not acceptable!\" You may feel relieved and peaceful after having expressed rage at what happened to you. I have seen many survivors develop confidence and compassion for themselves by learning to fully express anger.\n"}
{"input": "  Write a new section called \"Grief and Loss\". Begin this section with a quote from a survivor about crying during or after sex. Then, in this section:\n\n* Explain that underneath anger, there is often loss and grief, and that grief and loss come up during sex for many survivors.\n* Discuss some of the specific losses that survivors of childhood sexual abuse may experience, such as the loss of their body, their childhood, their love, their safety, and their ability to trust.\n* Provide examples of survivors' experiences with crying during orgasm and feeling a sense of loss during sex.\n* Emphasize that feeling sadness and grief during sex is a normal part of the healing process and that a healthy sexual relationship can make room for these emotions.\n* Describe some of the ways that grief may show up in the body and suggest ways that survivors can release their grief, such as rocking, wrapping themselves in a blanket, naming their losses aloud, and creating rituals to mark their losses.", "response": "\n\n##  Grief and Loss\n\n> > The question isn't have I ever cried during or after sex, but just how many times have I cried?\n> \n> Stephanie\n\nUnder all that anger, you'll find loss and grief. We are angry because we have been disrespected, betrayed, and wounded\u2014and we grieve for these same pains. For survivors, there is the loss of your body, your childhood, your love, your safety, and your fundamental ability to trust yourself, other people, the world, and in many cases, your mother, father, siblings, and other family members. Childhood sexual abuse is responsible for some of the most devastating losses that humans experience.\n\nGrief and loss also come up during sex\u2014including masturbation. Many survivors also report crying when they orgasm.\n\n> > For years I cried every time I had an orgasm. I thought it was strange and tried to stop it. Once I remembered being molested, it made sense.\n> \n> Cheryl\n>\n>> I can sob after I come. It feels like a big release of the grief of being incested and the relief of having my body and my life back.\n> \n> Sally\n\nOther survivors speak about a more generalized sense of loss during sex.\n\n> > Having sex has this strange way of reminding me that I am an adult. I then get in touch with the childhood I never had. Where did it go? I have lots of grief there.\n> \n> Pamela\n> \n> Feeling sadness and grief while being sexual is a normal part of the healing process and can come up periodically throughout your life. Sex is about opening to all emotions that are present in us. A healthy sexual relationship can make room for your sadness, loss, and tears. Remember, the intensity of these feelings won't last forever. The more you allow yourself to feel and express an emotion, the sooner it will be done.\n\nGrief can show up in many ways. You can shake, sweat, sob, moan, or laugh until you cry. Your chest may ache. You may want to curl up into a ball or crawl under the covers. Do what helps you feel deeply and release the loss from your insides. You may want to rock yourself, wrap yourself in a blanket and cry, or name aloud the things you have lost. You can make art about your loss and show it to others, or release it by burying it or burning it. Ritualizing loss can be powerful. You can make up a ritual that is meaningful to you to mark the official loss or grief and then let yourself mourn.\n"}
{"input": " Write a new section called \"The Anger/Grief Interchange\". Begin by describing how grief and anger can be intertwined and how survivors may avoid one or the other. In this section:\n\n* Explain that some survivors tend to favor anger, while others favor grief.\n* Discuss the importance of both anger and grief to a survivor's health. Emphasize that anger helps survivors learn to stand up for themselves, while grief reminds them of their humanity, vulnerability, and capacity for deep love and conviction.\n* Explain that grief allows survivors to move on and find completion.\n* Ask readers to consider which emotion they lean toward more, anger or sadness, and to try incorporating the other emotion into their lives. If they default to anger, suggest that they ask themselves what loss they are angry about. If they default to tears and sadness, encourage them to consider where their anger is and how they can begin to stand up for themselves.", "response": "\n\n##  The Anger/Grief Interchange\n\nGrief and anger can be mingled in a way that enables you to avoid one or the other. Most survivors I have worked with tend to favor either grief or anger. Those more comfortable with anger will go to anger automatically, even when they are feeling loss. Others, more comfortable with tears and sadness, will avoid feeling anger by crying. Or they will cry when they get mad.\n\nBoth anger and grief are vital to your health. Anger helps you learn to stand up for yourself, to draw the line as to what is acceptable and unacceptable to you. Anger vitalizes you. Loss and grief remind you that you are soft, human, and touchable. Loss demonstrates that you, too, have an effect on others. And to the extent that we can feel deep loss, we can also feel vast love and hold deep convictions. In this softness and vulnerability, we are also powerful.\n\nGrief also allows us to move on. When we grieve, we feel deep sorrow and move through the process of letting go. It is in letting go that we can find change and completion. One day, you will remember the grief, loss, and abandonment of childhood sexual abuse and realize that those feelings have been completed for you. Grief no longer runs your heart, abandonment is no longer at the center of your fears, and loss no longer rules your life.\n\nDo you lean toward anger or sadness? Which is the easier emotion for you? Try including the other emotion in your life. If you default to anger, ask yourself, What is underneath my anger? What loss am I angry about? We are usually angry about how we were hurt or what we have lost. If you default to tears and sadness, ask yourself, Where is my anger? How can I begin to stand up for myself? What would it be like to be angry?\n"}
{"input": " Write a new section called \"Fear\". In this section, discuss how childhood sexual abuse can lead to lingering fear and terror for survivors. In this section:\n\n* Explain that fear and terror can stay with survivors for years and that their bodies may be caught in a flight, fight, or freeze response.\n* Describe how fear can show up during sexual situations.\n* Include a quote from a survivor named Rosa who experiences fear without any discernible triggers.\n* Discuss how survivors may project past abuse and reactions onto their current sexual partners.\n* Include a quote from a survivor named Jenifer who sometimes feels her boyfriend is like her abusive father during sex.\n* Explain that some survivors may shake, tremble, cough, sweat, or freeze up when they feel terror.\n* Provide advice on how survivors can differentiate between fear grounded in the present and fear rooted in past abuse.\n* Suggest that survivors use their trigger plan to help them cope with past fear emerging in their bodies.\n* Include a quote from a survivor named Akaya who emphasizes the importance of sitting in one's own fear and moving through it.", "response": "\n\n##  Fear\n\nChildhood sexual abuse is dangerous. When you were being abused, you may have felt like you were fighting to stay alive. Whether the struggle to survive was literal or metaphorical, fear, terror, and the real or perceived threat of death were visceral experiences for most survivors. This fear and terror can stay with you for years. Your body can get caught in a flight, fight, or freeze response, not knowing, on some level, that the abuse is long over.\n\nThis terror can show up during sex. You may find yourself feeling fear that doesn't seem to have anything to do with what is currently happening. You may be afraid to masturbate or afraid of sex altogether. A wave of terror may come over you in the midst of being sexual.\n\n> > Sometimes I just get scared. There is no memory or trigger that I can tell\u2026I just feel terrified. Sometimes I wonder if I'm still letting out all of the terror I froze inside me.\n> \n> Rosa\n\nFear is particularly tricky when you are being intimate with a lover. You can project past abuse and reactions onto your current sexual partner. This is all a natural part of healing, yet it can be challenging for your sexual relationships. During sex, your partner may remind you of one of your abusers. You may think he or she wants to betray you\u2014just like your abusers did.\n\n> > My boyfriend seems just like my dad sometimes when we are having sex. I become young and scared and he seems so big. I am convinced he wants to take something from me.\n> \n> Jenifer\n\nWhen feeling terror, you may shake or tremble, cough or sweat. You may freeze up and be unable to speak. These are normal responses to terror and probably similar to what you experienced as a child. See whether the fear is grounded in the present day or if it is a reaction to past abuse. What is happening in your life? Is there anything dangerous in your current situation you need to change?\n\nIf you are experiencing past fear emerging in your body, use your trigger plan to help you out. Stop, breathe, feel your body, get up and move around. Often, comforting yourself can be enough. Remind yourself that you are safe today, that the past was really scary, but that you are okay now. Call forth your internal sense of safety and access your emotional source. Physicalize your terror, allowing your body to move through the sensations.\n\n> > I am absolutely committed to sitting in my own fear. I say, \"I am afraid, I am so afraid, and I am going there anyway.\" Every time I do, some profound healing happens.\n> \n> Akaya\n"}
{"input": " Write a new section called \"Longing\". In this section, discuss how survivors of childhood sexual abuse may experience longing amid their fear and grief. In this section:\n\n* Explain that longing can be for what survivors wish they had or for aspects of their relationship with their abuser that they miss.\n* Provide a quote from a survivor named Carla who misses the outdoor adventures she had with her abusive father.\n* Encourage survivors to acknowledge their longing as it tells them what they need and what is important to them.\n* Explain that longing often includes contradictions and may make survivors reluctant to acknowledge their longing.\n* Emphasize that it is important for survivors to let themselves feel their longing as it opens their heart.\n* Provide a quote from a survivor named Danielle who still loves her abusive father and acknowledges that pretending otherwise would close off a piece of her heart.", "response": "\n\n##  Longing\n\nUsually tucked amid the fear and grief is longing. You can long for what you wish you had or long for those aspects of your relationship with your abuser that you miss. Like many survivors, you might long for your mother or someone else who can protect you. You may yearn for a childhood in which you felt loved and safe.\n\n> > My dad took me out camping and on outdoor adventures. I felt strong and like  \n>  I could do anything. I also felt safe with him in these settings, protected. These  \n>  are the experiences I miss.  \n> \n> \n> Carla\n\nAcknowledge your longing. While grief and anger at what was missing often comes with this, longing tells you what you need and what is important to you. If you are longing for love, you can go about bringing more love into your life. If you long for a sense of belonging or being known, you can take steps to create these experiences.\n\nLonging often includes contradictions which may make you reluctant to acknowledge your longing. \"How can I long for the person who hurt me the most in my life?\" You may love the person who sexually abused you. In addition to being a perpetrator, that person was your father, brother, aunt, grandfather, or teacher. As uncomfortable as it may be, let yourself feel your longing. Longing opens your heart, and opening your heart is good for you. It is what will serve your life now.\n\n> > I love my father still after all he did to me. I realize that if I pretend that I don't love him, I am closing off a piece of my heart. If I close off that place in my heart, nothing can get in there.\n> \n> Danielle\n"}
{"input": " Write a new section called \"Shame and Guilt\". In this section, explain that many survivors of childhood sexual abuse believe that the abuse was their fault and carry the shame and guilt of this. In this section:\n\n* State that the sexual abuse was not the survivor's fault and explain that the older or more powerful person was responsible for their care and well-being.\n* Provide a quote from a survivor named Kassie who struggled to understand that the abuse was not her fault.\n* Explain that it can be easier for survivors to believe that they are at fault than to feel the helplessness of having been abused.\n* Discuss some common reasons why survivors feel shame and guilt, such as not fighting back, having an orgasm during the abuse, or initiating an episode of the abuse.\n* Address the issue of survivors who abused other children, either as a way of acting out what was happening to them or because they were forced to do so.\n* Emphasize that experiencing pleasure or liking sex is not shameful and is the survivor's birthright.\n* Encourage survivors to remedy their shame and guilt with regular doses of self-forgiveness and self-dignity.", "response": "\n\n##  Shame and Guilt\n\nI have never met a survivor who did not believe, on some level, that the sexual abuse was her fault. I have never met a survivor who did not carry the shame and guilt of this.\n\nThe sexual abuse was not your fault. I could say this five times or five hundred times, and I would not have said it enough. The sexual abuse was not your fault. Even if you literally asked your abuser to touch you, the abuse was not your fault. The older or more powerful person was responsible for your care and well-being. Sexual abuse does not accomplish this.\n\n> > Really getting it that the abuse was not my fault took a very long time. I had to  \n>  be ready to feel how truly helpless and powerless I was at the time of the abuse.  \n>  That I was vulnerable and dependent, and that I couldn't stop it.  \n> \n> \n> Kassie\n\nShame lives very deeply for survivors. Somehow it is easier to believe that you are at fault than to feel the utter helplessness of having been abused. It may seem unimaginable that someone you love would hurt you on purpose. \"It must be my fault,\" you think, \"or why else would they do that?\"\n\nSurvivors have many different reasons for feeling that their shame and guilt is deserved. However, there are some common themes: Many survivors believe the abuse was their fault because they didn't fight back, or because they had an orgasm during the abuse, or because they initiated an episode of the abuse, or because they should have been smart or resourceful enough to stop it. Other survivors feel marked or dirty, ashamed to have been the chosen victim.\n\nSome survivors abused other kids as a way of acting out what was happening to them. This carries an immense load of guilt and shame. While you do not have to punish yourself, you can take responsibility for your actions. Depending upon your situation, you may want to make amends, if that will support your healing and that of the other person.\n\nSome children are forced to abuse other kids, as is often the case in ritual abuse. If you had your choice of playing with friends in the backyard, going to get ice cream, or sexually abusing another kid, which would you have chosen? Playing in the yard or getting ice cream. Kids are manipulated into abusing others. While you are accountable for your actions as an adult, children sexually abusing other children is a situation created by adults.\n\nYou may also feel shame about experiencing pleasure or liking sex. Many survivors do. If you like sex, then you must have liked the abuse, right? No way! Experiencing sexual pleasure is your birthright. Sexual pleasure is fine, good, and acceptable.\n\nRemedy your shame and guilt with regular megadoses of self-forgiveness and self-dignity.\n"}
{"input": " Write a new section called \"Being Witnessed in Your Emotions\". In this section, explain the power of being witnessed in the midst of your emotions. In this section:\n\n* Define what it means to be witnessed in your emotions and explain that it simply means having someone present with you as you feel your feelings.\n* Emphasize that the person witnessing your emotions does not need to change or fix them, and that simply witnessing can help you learn that you are truly okay.\n* Discuss the relief that survivors feel when someone finally expresses anger, grief, or longing in your survivors' workshops.\n* Provide advice on how to ask for specific support from your witness or support person, including being held or ranting and raving uninterrupted for a certain amount of time.\n* Address the importance of respecting your support person's needs and boundaries, and finding a support person who can go with you where you need to go.\n* Provide a quote from a survivor named Jeanie who has learned to express her rage with her partner's support.\n* Encourage survivors to ask for reassurance and check in with their support person as they are learning to express this depth of emotion.", "response": "\n\n#  Being Witnessed in Your Emotions\n\nBeing witnessed in the midst of your emotions is a powerful experience. Being witnessed means just having someone present with you as you feel your feelings. Your friend, lover, or support does not need to change or fix your feelings. She or he can simply witness witness. You can learn from others' acceptance of your emotions that you are truly okay. In my survivors' workshops, I notice that other survivors are relieved and happy when someone finally expresses anger, grief, or longing. Everyone seems to breathe a big sigh of relief.\n\nYou can ask for specific support from your witness or support person. You may want to be held or to rant and rave uninterrupted for twenty minutes. You can ask your support person take care of his or her own needs and boundaries. If the experience gets too intense, he or she can take a break.\n\nSome people are comfortable with certain emotions and not with others. Your friend may be fine holding you when you cry, but freak out when you get really angry. Your emotions are not \"too much\" or \"too intense.\" Expressing any degree of anger, loss, or shame in a safe way is just fine. Your partner may simply not have developed the capacity to hang with that depth of emotion. Let your partner take care of his or her needs and limitations. Find a support person who can go with you where you need to go.\n\n> > My partner has learned over time. My rage used to scare him; now he is right with me as I kick the bed as hard as I can, yelling at my dad to get away from me.\n> \n> Jeanie\n\nYou may find yourself wanting to ask for reassurance. Go ahead and ask. Look at your partner. Let yourself see that someone is there. Ask, \"Do you think this is bad?\" \"Am I hurting you?\" \"How is this for you?\" You may need a reality check as you are learning to express this depth of emotion.\n"}
{"input": " Write a new section called \"Sex Guide Exercises\". In this section, provide exercises for survivors to practice emotional centering and sourcing, and explore their emotions connected to their sexual healing. In this section:\n\n* Provide the first exercise, in which survivors practice their emotional centering and sourcing and reflect on how this practice changes how they move through their triggers and sexual healing.\n* Provide the second exercise, in which survivors choose three different emotions connected to their sexual healing and explore each emotion. For each emotion, survivors should:\n\t+ Identify the body sensations that let them know they are feeling this emotion.\n\t+ Reflect on what it is like to be in their body and feel their sensations while having this emotion, including how much tolerance they have for this emotion.\n\t+ Review \"The Five Stages of Emotions\" and determine if they tend to get stuck in any particular stage, and if this is different for different emotions.\n\t+ Consider how they can feel and express this emotion, and practice completing it.", "response": "\n\n#  Sex Guide Exercises\n\n> 1\\. Practice your emotional centering and sourcing. How does this practice change how you move through your triggers and sexual healing?\n\n> 2\\. Choose three different emotions connected to your sexual healing (for example, guilt, anger, and grief). One by one, write about the following for each emotion:\n>\n>> a. What body sensations let me know that I am feeling this emotion?\n>\n>> b. What is it like to be in my body and feel my sensations while having this emotion? How much tolerance do I have for this emotion?\n>\n>> c. Review \"The Five Stages of Emotions\" in this chapter. Do you tend to get stuck in any particular stage? Is this different for different emotions?\n>\n>> d. How can I feel and express this emotion? How can I practice completing it?\n"}
{"input": " Write a new chapter called \"S/M, Role-Playing, and Fantasy\". In this chapter, discuss how sex can be complex and full of contradictions, and that desires may not always fit into societal norms. Emphasize that this can be especially true for survivors of sexual abuse. In this chapter:\n\n* Explain that sex can be calm, aggressive, nurturing, and challenging at the same time.\n* Introduce S/M, role-playing, and fantasies as tools that survivors can use to explore and express their sexuality in a safe and empowering way.", "response": "\n\nchapter thirteen\n\nS/M, Role-Playing, and Fantasy\n\nSex is complex. Your desires may not be tidy or fit into a design that is reflected in the mainstream version of sex. For most people, and particularly for survivors, sex is full of contradictions. Sex can be calm, aggressive, nurturing, and challenging\u2014all at the same time. S/M, role-playing, and fantasies are tools you can use to explore and express sexuality.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"S/M 101: Consent, Power, Sensation\". In this section, provide an overview of S/M and its practice. Discuss the misconceptions about S/M and the difference between its clinical definition and how it is used within the community. Explain that S/M can be a tool for sexual exploration, healing, and empowerment for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. In this section:\n\n* Explain the ground rules of S/M, emphasizing consent, negotiation, and the use of safewords.\n* Define the roles of 'top' and 'bottom' in S/M play.\n* Discuss the potential elements of an S/M scene, including fantasy roles, bondage, pain, power play, and sensation play.\n* Explain the concept of endorphins and their role in S/M play.\n* Note that what might appear painful can be pleasurable in the right context due to the release of endorphins during sexual arousal.", "response": "\n\n#  S/M 101: Consent, Power, Sensation\n\nS/M is short for sadomasochism, a term that has been used by the psychological establishment to label sadistic and masochistic behaviors. People who practice S/M, however, use this term as one of identification and empowerment. S/M refers to a sexual preference that can include power play, intense sensations, pain, bondage, and role-playing.\n\nMost people associate S/M with images of black leather, bondage, spanking, and whipping. In the early 1990s, Madonna's photo book Sex made S/M chic. Since then, mainstream culture has adopted S/M imagery, exposing the general public to S/M as a sexual practice.\n\nFor S/M practitioners, including survivors of childhood sexual abuse, S/M can be a powerful, sensate arena for sexual exploration. Many practitioners talk about the safety of S/M, the power of negotiating sexual play, and the potential for sexual healing and self-empowerment through S/M.\n\nThe ground rules of S/M are the basically same as in vanilla sex (the term used by S/M practitioners for non-S/M sex). S/M is practiced between two or more consenting adults. The S/M community is very outspoken about consent. Before engaging in S/M play, the partners discuss their desires, interests, and limits to create a scene in which they can play erotically and safely. Negotiable items include who will participate, what will happen, where, when, and how. Who will be the top? Who the bottom? If you think of S/M as a willing exchange of power between consenting adults, the top is the person who is wielding power and directing the action. The bottom is surrendering power to the top within carefully negotiated parameters. Partners agree upon a \"safeword,\" which is a code word used to call all activity to a halt, if so desired. Genital contact and orgasm may or may not be a part of an S/M scene.\n\nA scene may include fantasy roles or characters, bondage, pain, and/or power play. Some players construct elaborate fantasies, with fully costumed characters. Maid and master, older woman and young man, nurse and patient, cop and motorist are common roles people play with. It's the strong power differential that sets up the dynamic. You can construct an S/M scene from any dynamic that turns you on. S/M play often involves bondage, blindfolding or other sensory control, and restrictions on movement, behavior, and speech. Sensation play can include whipping with soft deerskin floggers, over-the-knee spankings, caning and paddling, nipple play with clamps or clothespins, and playing with hot wax\u2014to name a few.\n\nS/M players tend to speak about intensity of sensation, rather than pain per se. As you become sexually aroused\u2014whether in S/M or vanilla play\u2014endorphins are released in the body, creating chemical changes. Your threshold for stimulation and pain increases with the production of endorphins. S/M plays with this phenomenon in a way that many people find enjoyable. What looks like it would hurt (and well might when you are not turned on) might be very pleasurable in the right context!\n"}
{"input": "  Write a section titled \"Exploring the Edges\". In this section, address the criticisms and misconceptions about S/M and compare them to the arguments used against other marginalized sexual orientations. Emphasize that S/M can be a part of an empowered sex life. Include testimonials from survivors who find S/M erotic and empowering. In this section:\n\n* Discuss the concept of 'emotional edge play' and its role in S/M.\n* Include testimonials from survivors who have found empowerment and a sense of control through S/M.\n* Discuss the concept of enacting rape scenes in a consensual and safe context.\n* Include testimonials from survivors who have found these scenes cathartic and empowering.", "response": "\n\n#  Exploring the Edges\n\nSome people will tell you S/M is abusive, perverted, or wrong\u2014in short, a \"bad\" way to express your eroticism. Many of the arguments against people who eroticize power play are the same ones that are used against gays, lesbians, and bisexuals. And these same arguments have been used against women who have wanted to empower themselves sexually, and against sex itself.\n\nIf you enjoy topping, bottoming, power play, or other S/M eroticism, you are not alone. Many survivors find power play very erotic. Exploring the edges of your own limits and challenging your partners to find theirs can have its place in an empowered sex life.\n\n> > The hottest sex I have is in S/M scenes. The taboo of our scenes and the places  \n>  I get to find in myself are amazing. I get to surrender as a bottom in a way I  \n>  have never surrendered.  \n> \n> \n> Rey\n>\n>> S/M is important to me. I don't want any more violence connected to sex, or any more people hurting kids or adults sexually. S/M is not that. I am turned on by power play, bondage, and whipping. These are very deep and intimate experiences with my partner. It is not about hurting either one of us...rather it is about expressing a very deep part of myself.\n> \n> Kassie\n\nMany survivors play with shame, control, and punishment. This is a hot button for many of us; after all, shame and punishment were means of controlling us as children. You can construct a scene in which a top \"threatens\" a bottom with punishment for \"misbehavior.\" In the S/M community, this is called \"emotional edge play.\"\n\n> > Being an S/M top is finally where I feel at home. I was reluctant to get into  \n>  S/M. I was afraid that I would hurt someone or take out my rage in the wrong  \n>  place. The opposite seems to be true. I feel closer to my partners, more caring,  \n>  and I feel more myself.  \n> \n> \n> Melanie\n\nEnacting rape scenes in which you can be \"taken\" in some way is a popular S/M fantasy. Here you can play with the dynamic of being sexually overwhelmed (or taking control of your partner) in a consensual and safe context.\n\n> > Rape scenes are very exciting for me. As I say \"no,\" my partner teases me and talks about how much I want it. This is cathartic and makes all of the abuse stuff less threatening. It gives me more of a sense of control.\n> \n> Jenifer\n"}
{"input": " \n\nWrite a section titled \"S/M and Survivors\". In this section, discuss the impact of childhood sexual abuse on S/M play. Explain that some survivors consciously work with their history of abuse in their scenes, and discuss ways this can be done. Include testimonials from survivors who have found empowerment through reenacting abuse scenes and writing new endings for them.\n\nDiscuss the concept of age play in the S/M community, and explain how this can be intense for survivors. Provide advice for survivors who wish to engage in role-playing that resembles their abuse, such as preparing well, ensuring a good foundation of trust, and choosing a safeword. Emphasize that this type of S/M play is not a substitute for therapy or other forms of healing from abuse. \n\nInclude a statement about how the sex lives of survivors who prefer S/M can improve and their scenes become more satisfying as they heal from their abuse.", "response": "\n\n#  S/M and Survivors\n\nThe impact of childhood sexual abuse shows up in S/M play just as in any other kind of sex play. Some survivors who are into S/M consciously work with their history of abuse in their scenes. This can be done in a number of ways. You can explore sexual acts and positions in which you were abused. You may find it powerful to reenact abuse scenes and write new endings for them. By reentering the scenario in a safe place with a safe person, you can change your experience of the abuse.\n\n> > I reenacted abuse scenes in S/M. This freaks some survivors out, but I got so  \n>  much power back out of it. I cried and worked through the way the abuse had  \n>  turned me on. I also saw how powerful I am now in comparison to how small  \n>  I was then. It brought me compassion for myself and a sense that he could  \n>  never get me again.  \n> \n> \n> Rebecca\n\nSome S/M players explore age play, taking on teacher/student or other age-differentiated roles. Others combine age play with gender play; these are specific constructs which have a long history in the S/M community. These roles provide a context to play with the dynamics of nurturing, mentoring, control, and dependence.\n\nThis can be very intense for survivors. If you are going to engage in role-playing that in any way resembles your abuse, prepare yourself and your partner well for it. Make sure your partner is aware of the possible emotional triggers or release that this kind of scene may evoke for you. Be sure to choose a safeword that you will remember if triggered. I suggest that you and your partner establish a good foundation of trust before you engage in this type of scene.\n\nWhile you'll learn a lot about yourself, this type of S/M play is not a substitute for therapy or any other type of concentrated healing from your abuse. Some survivors use S/M as a tool to explore the impact of abuse in a very direct manner. Just as with survivors who prefer vanilla sex, survivors who like S/M find that their sex lives get better and their scenes more satisfying as they are embodied and healing from their abuse.\n"}
{"input": "  \n\nWrite a section discussing the controversial nature of S/M, especially within communities of abuse survivors. Address the common concern that S/M players are \"acting out\" prior abuse, and provide your perspective on this issue.\n\nInclude testimonials from survivors who have struggled with S/M due to their abuse histories, and those who have found empowerment through S/M. Discuss the difference between surrender and abdication in the context of S/M.\n\nExplain the key differences between S/M and sexual violence, emphasizing the importance of consent, negotiation, and safewords in S/M play. Address the idea that S/M explores an edge of human sexual expression, and how this can be beneficial.\n\nInclude a statement about the diverse experiences of survivors in S/M play, and how some feel they are \"acting out\" abuse, while others praise S/M for its healing potential. Discuss the argument that power dynamics are at play in all sexual relationships, and how S/M makes these dynamics overt and agreed upon.\n\nEncourage readers to educate themselves further about S/M by reading books written by practitioners, regardless of their personal feelings towards S/M.", "response": "\n\n#  S/M as \"Acting Out\" Abuse\n\nWithin communities of abuse survivors, S/M is a controversial sexual practice and tends to stir up a lot of debate. Almost everyone has an opinion about S/M. Because it is a marginalized sexual practice, many people are uniformed about how S/M really works. They are concerned about combining sex with what looks like violence.\n\nThe most often debated question is whether S/M players are \"acting out\" prior abuse. My answer is both yes and no, depending. I have interviewed a number of survivors who practice S/M and have done somatic work with many more. At Good Vibrations, I talked with hundreds of customers about their S/M practices. I found that survivors can and do use S/M as a way to dissociate and to unsuccessfully process the abuse. Of course, survivors check out during vanilla sex, too, and use vanilla sex as a way to escape feelings. You can try to complete an unfinished trauma by unconsciously replaying it over and over again, in S/M or any other kind of sex.\n\n> > I struggled in the S/M community. I did things that were extreme because I was used to extremes in sex. It was all I knew. I didn't know how to be in my body enough to have boundaries. I was used to having things done to me.\n> \n> Marty\n>\n>> There is a difference between surrender and abdication. I am not abdicating any of my capacity to make decisions for myself, but I am choosing to surrender.\n> \n> Aurora\n\nSexual energy in and of itself is neutral. You can have sex in a way that is creative and healing for you, or in a way that keeps you disembodied and at risk.\n\nWhat is particularly intense for those observing S/M from the outside is seeing sexuality combined with something that looks much like violence. Sexual violence is all around us. We hear disturbing reports of molested children, battered and murdered women, and rape as a war tactic. Thankfully, many of us are working to end sexual violence. S/M, however, is not sexual violence. First, S/M is consensual sexual play between adults. Second, S/M practitioners negotiate their scenes as equal partners. Third, S/M players employ safewords to stop the play immediately when necessary. Choice and control remain intact in the S/M experience. The bottom is not really out of control, and the scene may look more intense from the outside than it actually is. Violence allows for neither choice nor control.\n\nS/M does explore an edge of human sexual expression. In every practice, from business to therapy, there are folks who dare to play on the margins, taking risks, and exploring what new experiences may have to offer. Innovation usually happens in the margins and then makes its way to the mainstream. No matter what your position on S/M, what we can appreciate about edgy practices is that they challenge us to take our imaginations further out than what might make us comfortable.\n\nSurvivors have all kinds of experiences in S/M play. Some survivors may feel they are \"acting out\" abuse, and others praise S/M for being an arena in which they can heal their abuse and fully claim their sexuality.\n\nSome people in the S/M community argue that power dynamics are at play in all sexual relationships. S/M makes these dynamics overt and agreed upon, instead of covert and nonconsensual.\n\n> > If a survivor ever tells me that she doesn't have to deal with power and its relation to sex in her life, I think she's lying.\n> \n> Jenifer\n\nExpressing your eroticism in a way that builds your self-esteem, helps you become more embodied, and encourages you have more pleasure in your life is the crux of any sexual choice. Whether you are attracted to S/M or upset by the idea, you can educate yourself further by reading books written by S/M practitioners. You'll find lots of resources in the back of the book.\n"}
{"input": " \n\nWrite a section discussing the concept of vanilla role-playing in sexual encounters for those who do not practice S/M. Explain how role-playing allows individuals to explore various characters and dynamics, limited only by their imagination.\n\nInclude examples of the different roles individuals may choose to play, such as gender swapping, exploring different sexual orientations, or embodying characters like a movie star, a vamp, a goddess, or a dominatrix. Emphasize the benefits of role-playing, such as becoming more flexible in one's sexual expression and pushing boundaries in a safe and consensual manner.\n\nInclude a testimonial from a person who has experienced the benefits of role-playing firsthand, demonstrating the emotional intimacy and excitement that can arise from trying new roles and dynamics.", "response": "\n\n#  Vanilla Role-Playing\n\nFolks who do not practice S/M may still like to play erotically with roles and characters. The variety of characters is limited only by your imagination. You'll probably find that certain dynamics and characters stay with you over time. You may want to play with gender or sexual orientation. You can let a part of you out that you normally do not express fully. You can be a movie star, a vamp, a goddess, or a dominatrix. Role-playing can open up your possibilities, letting you become a lot more flexible in your sexual expression.\n\n> > My lover and I like to dress up. He'll actually dress as the woman and I as the man. We trade and intensify the gender roles. It is a great turn-on and very intimate because we are both stretching our comfort zones.\n> \n> Halli\n"}
{"input": "  \n\nWrite a section discussing the topic of fantasies in the context of sexual healing, particularly for survivors of sexual abuse. Explain the role of fantasies in exploring desires and how they can be used as a safe space to try out new sexual ideas before enacting them. Encourage readers to use their imagination and emphasize the benefits of flexible thinking in regards to fantasies and sex.\n\nInclude examples of fantasies, such as role-playing different scenarios or characters, and provide a testimonial from someone who has found pleasure in sharing their fantasies with their partner during sexual encounters.\n\nAddress common concerns survivors may have about their fantasies, particularly those that involve force, rape, incest, or sexual aggression. Reassure readers that there are no \"right\" or \"wrong\" fantasies, and that rather than labeling them, they should consider whether the fantasy affects them positively or negatively.\n\nProvide guidance on how to approach fantasies in a healthy way, such as using them as a way to be more present and embodied during sexual encounters, rather than using them to dissociate or avoid being present. Encourage readers to have multiple fantasies and not to become stuck in one replayed fantasy.\n\nInclude a testimonial from a survivor who has found that their fantasies have helped them work through abuse dynamics and reclaim their power.", "response": "\n\n#  Fantasy\n\nFantasies are fertile ground for exploring your desires. Here's a way to heat up your sex life. You can use your imagination to try out a new sexual idea before you enact it. You can delight in new lovers, make love in risky places, or take on a new sexual role\u2014all in the privacy of your own mind. The more flexible your thinking and fantasizing about sex, the better your sex life will be.\n\n> > One of my favorite things to do is to tell my lover a fantasy while we are making love. It is yummy. I put us both into the fantasy, talking us through hot sex scenes and erotic terrain. Sometimes I'll make him a prince from a neighboring kingdom and me the princess heir to the throne. One time I turned him into a frog. That made us laugh.\n> \n> Jeanie\n\nI have found that survivors often feel ashamed about fantasies that involve force, rape, incest, or sexual aggression of any kind. Somehow we got the idea that our fantasies are supposed to be filled with flowers and soft music. Lots of survivors fantasize about rape and other scenarios that include some form of power exchange. Some rape fantasies are violent, others romanticized. Some survivors get years of pleasure from these fantasies, while others are disturbed by them.\n\nNo fantasy is inherently \"bad.\" There are no \"right\" or \"wrong\" fantasies. Instead of labeling your fantasy, consider whether it affects you positively or negatively.\n\n> Invent a Fantasy\n> \n> Invent a fantasy right now. Go with whatever comes to mind that feels erotic to you. Where does your fantasy take place? What is the environment like? Who are the characters in your fantasy? Notice the sensations in your body as your story unfolds. What are you doing? What is the buildup? What kind of sex do you have? What about this fantasy turns you on?\n\nI have only two concerns about fantasies. First, do you check out when you have the fantasy? Don't use fantasies to avoid being present with yourself or your partner. You don't want to practice being disembodied or dissociated when you are sexual. In fact, rather than a way to get out of a sexual encounter, fantasies can be a different way to be present and embodied. Being embodied can make your fantasy life all the richer.\n\nMy second concern is that you have more than one fantasy in your repertoire. Do you have only one fantasy? Is that fantasy the only way you can get off? Although such a fantasy often will closely resemble the dynamics of the abuse, the content is of less concern to me than the fact of being stuck in one fantasy that is replayed over and over. Part of healing is allowing more flexibility in your thinking and more freedom in your choices. Treat an intrusive fantasy that disturbs you as you would a trigger. Use the tools in chapter ll for help.\n\nOf course, survivors do use fantasies to work through abuse dynamics and memories. I have found that survivors are amazingly creative with this type of sexual fantasy.\n\n> > I have this long-standing jail fantasy. There is a man behind bars and I go up  \n>  to the bars and make him suck my dick. (I don't have a dick in real life, but in  \n>  my fantasies I do.) He likes it, but I have the control. I don't let him stop until  \n>  I want him to. I get off and leave him there. I think this fantasy has helped me  \n>  get a lot of my power back from my brother and his abuse.  \n> \n> \n> Marie\n"}
{"input": " Write a section containing exercises related to learning about and exploring various aspects of sexual expression, specifically Sadomasochism (S/M), role-playing, and fantasies. The exercises should encourage readers to reflect on their interests and desires, as well as to expand their knowledge and comfort level with these topics.\n\nProvide specific prompts for each exercise, such as:\n\n1. Encouraging readers to identify what they would like to learn about S/M, role-playing, and fantasies.\n2. Suggesting that those who are interested in S/M brainstorm a list of activities, roles, or scenes they would be interested in exploring.\n3. Encouraging those who are interested in role-playing to create a list of characters they would find erotic or intriguing to play with.", "response": "\n\n#  Sex Guide Exercises\n\n> 1\\. What would you like to learn about S/M, role-playing, and fantasies?\n\n> 2\\. If you are interested in S/M, brainstorm a list of activities, roles, or scenes you would be interested in.\n\n> 3\\. If you are interested in role-playing, create a list of characters you would find erotic or intriguing to play with.\n"}
{"input": " Write a chapter titled \"Sex Toys and Accoutrements\" for a nonfiction book aimed at guiding survivors of sexual abuse in leading fulfilling sex lives. In this chapter, discuss the benefits and uses of sex toys, including how they can add a new dimension to one's sex life and potentially aid in orgasm. Address any potential misconceptions or stigmas surrounding sex toys, and provide historical context to show that they have been used cross-culturally for centuries.\n\nExplain how the atmosphere in adult novelty stores may be uncomfortable for some, and highlight the growing number of women-run sex stores that offer a supportive, sex-positive environment. Provide examples of cities where these stores can be found, and mention specific companies that design and produce high-quality sex toys, such as Vixen Creations and Stormy Leather. Conclude by emphasizing that this is a great time to be interested in sex toys, as more options are available and many are designed and produced by women.", "response": "\n\nchapter fourteen\n\nSex Toys and Accoutrements\n\nThere are lots of ways to play sexually and lots of toys to play with. Sex toys can add a new dimension to your sex life. Sex toys can allow you to be in more places at once, or even add anatomy that you do not normally have! Many women prefer to orgasm with vibrators, too.\n\n> > The first time I put on a dildo and harness I found it so empowering. It was like \"Look! I have this and both hands!\" I also got that guys must feel vulnerable walking around with their genitals hanging on the outside.\n> \n> Stephanie\n\nYou may have gotten the idea that sex toys are weird or perverted. Who knew that they have been used cross-culturally for centuries? Sex toys offer just another set of possibilities for your sexual pleasure.\n\nUntil recently, you most likely bought your sex toys at a porn shop or adult novelty store that catered primarily to men. While some folks like the explicitly sexual aura of these stores, others find the atmosphere very uncomfortable. Some men patronizing these shops can be surprised to see women shopping there.\n\nLuckily, more women-run sex stores are opening in the United States, Canada, and Europe. Most of these stores offer sex-positive sex information right alongside quality toys and books on sex. You can find supportive, sex-positive sex toy stores in London, New York, Boston, Northampton, Toronto, Madison, Austin, San Francisco, Berkeley, Seattle, Vancouver and other cities. I have listed a number of these shops in the Resources section, as well as mail-order companies. You do not have to live in a large urban center to have access to quality sex toys and information.\n\nTruly, this is a great time to be interested in sex toys. More quality toys are available, many of them designed and produced by women. Vixen Creations, a woman-owned company based in San Francisco, has become one of the largest producers of high-quality silicone dildos and butt plugs. Stormy Leather, another woman-owned company in San Francisco, specializes in leather dildo harnesses, erotic clothing, and S/M paraphernalia. Of course, Good Vibrations, the original \"clean well-lighted place to buy sex toys,\" is still serving men and women with great success in San Francisco and Berkeley, as well as on the Web.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the chapter \"Sex Toys and Accoutrements\" discussing the history and original purpose of vibrators. Explain that vibrators were initially used by the medical profession to cure \"female troubles\" or \"hysteria\" through causing \"hysterical paroxysm\" or orgasm in women. Describe the development of vibrators from steam-powered massagers in the late 1800s to numerous vibrating massagers available to physicians by the early 1900s.\n\nMention that vibrators were seen as a cure for numerous ailments in both men and women and were even sold as home appliances for pleasure and health until the end of the 1920s. Explain that the use of vibrators for medical purposes declined with their appearance in porn films in the late 1920s and that they were not advertised for their sexual uses until the 1970s. Finally, note that many vibrators are still sold as back massagers with no reference to their erotic uses.", "response": "\n\n#  Vibrators\n\nVibrators were initially used by the medical profession to cure \"female troubles,\" also called \"hysteria\" and considered to be a disturbance of the womb. Doctors used the vibrator to assist in medical massages aimed at causing \"hysterical paroxysm\" or orgasm in women. Hmmmmm.\n\nThe late 1800s produced a steam power massager, and by the early 1900s, numerous vibrating massagers were available to physicians along with textbooks on vibratory massage techniques. By this time, vibrators were seen as a cure for numerous ailments in both men and women. Until the end of the 1920s, vibrators could be purchased as home appliances for pleasure and health. The use of the massager for medical purposes declined with its appearance in porn films in the late 1920s. From then until the 1970s, vibrators were not advertised for their sexual uses. Many are still sold as back massagers, with no reference to their erotic uses.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the chapter \"Sex Toys and Accoutrements\" discussing the differences between battery-operated and electric vibrators. Explain the advantages and disadvantages of battery-operated vibrators, such as their smaller size, weaker vibrations, shorter lifespan, and portability. Discuss the two types of electric or plug-in vibrators: coil operated and motor driven, and describe their differences in size, noise level, vibration strength, and quality.\n\nMention any potential issues with using electric vibrators, such as the cord getting in the way, and provide solutions such as using an extension cord. Explain the concept of rechargeable electric vibrators and their charging times and durations. Finally, note that some well-known brands of vibrators, like Oster, Sunbeam, and Hitachi, can be found in both higher-quality sex stores and general department stores, packaged as massagers.", "response": "\n\n##  Battery-Operated and Electric Vibrators\n\nYou can choose from electric and battery-operated vibrators. Battery-operated vibrators tend to be smaller and shaped like a long cucumber. The vibration of battery-operated devices tend to be weaker, and the quality of the products is not quite as reliable. They're great when you do not have an electrical outlet handy. Battery-operated vibrators will last anywhere from one to nine months, depending upon use.\n\n  \n\n\n  \n\n\nElectric vibrators, on the other hand, are higher-quality devices and can last for years. There are two types of electric or plug-in vibrators: coil operated and motor driven. Coil-operated vibrators tend to be smaller and a bit quieter, with a subtler vibration than that of the motor-run models. Motor-run vibrators are good for folks who like more stimulation. The vibration is stronger and the device a bit larger.\n\n  \n\n\nILLUSTRATION 5. Vibrators\n\nSome folks complain that the cord gets in the way when using an electric vibrator. If you invest in an electric vibrator, buy an extension cord as well. This gives you more room for movement, and you do not have to have sex right next to the wall socket.\n\nThere are now rechargeable electric vibrators. Depending on the model, these vibrators will hold their charge from thirty minutes to a few hours. You then need to plug them in again for two to six hours to recharge them.\n\nYou may recognize some of the brand names of vibrators from your kitchen appliances. Oster, Sunbeam, and Hitachi make high-quality vibrators. They are packaged as massagers and can be found in higher-quality sex stores as well as general department stores.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the chapter \"Sex Toys and Accoutrements\" discussing the various attachments available for electric vibrators. Explain how these attachments are generally soft, pliable, and fit over the head of motor-driven vibrators or on the attachment stem of coil-operated vibrators. Describe the different types of attachments such as the clittickler, G-SPOTTER, and come cup, and their intended uses.\n\nMention that the nerves within the vaginal passage respond more to movement and pressure than to vibration, and that not all women may find vibrators to be a big \"wow\" vaginally. Remind users that the lower third of the vagina tends to be the most responsive to vibration and that quite a bit of pressure is needed to stimulate the G-spot, with most attachments being too soft for this purpose.\n\nAdvise readers that the anus is well-suited to enjoying vibration, but caution that if they are using an attachment for anal stimulation, it must have a flanged base to prevent the toy from accidentally slipping into the anal canal. Suggest a better option for anal vibration: inserting a dildo, butt plug, or fingers into the rectum and pressing a vibrator into the base of the toy or the palm of the hand to transmit the vibration through the toy or hand.", "response": "\n\n##  Vibrator Attachments\n\nVarious attachments are available for electric vibrators. They are generally soft and pliable and fit over the head of the motor-driven vibrators and on the attachment stem of coil-operated vibrators. Some of the attachments are designed to focus the vibration on a smaller spot (the clittickler), for penetration (the G-SPOTTER), or for stimulating the head of the penis (the come cup). The attachments can add versatility to the toy.\n\nA few opinions about these attachments: The nerves within the vaginal passage respond more to movement and pressure than to vibration. While some women like to use vibrators vaginally, do not be disappointed if this is not a big \"wow\" for you. If you use a vibrator vaginally, keep in mind that the lower third of the vagina tends to be the most responsive to vibration. Also, quite a bit of pressure is needed to stimulate the G-spot, and most attachments are too soft for G-spot stimulation.\n\nYour anus is well suited to enjoying vibration. But if you are using an attachment for anal stimulation, make sure it has a flanged base. That is, the base must be wider than the end being inserted; this prevents the toy from accidentally slipping into the anal canal. Unlike the vagina, which is a closed system, the anal canal leads directly into the large intestine and into your body. A better bet for anal vibration is to insert a dildo, butt plug, or fingers into the rectum and press a vibrator into the base of the toy or the palm of your hand. The vibration will then be transmitted through the toy or your hand.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the chapter \"Sex Toys and Accoutrements\" discussing the use of dildos and harnesses. Explain the different materials that dildos are made of, such as silicone and plastic, and the benefits and drawbacks of each material. Mention that dildos come in various sizes, shapes, and textures, including penises, goddess figurines, dolphins, and nondescript shapes of various lengths and thicknesses.\n\nDiscuss the reasons why someone might choose to use a dildo, such as the ability to control size, the option to be filled up both anally and vaginally at the same time, and the ability to penetrate one's partners.\n\nExplain the different types of harnesses available for securing dildos, including hip harnesses and thigh harnesses. Describe the two main hip harness designs: one with a center strap that runs between the legs like a G-string, and the other with two straps that ride around the outside of each buttock and hip like a jock-strap. Mention that certain harnesses accommodate dildos with balls better than others, and that harnesses with a piece of leather or cloth behind the base of the dildo are more comfortable for the harness wearer.\n\nInclude an illustration of dildos and harnesses to accompany the text.", "response": "\n\n#  Dildos and Harnesses\n\nDildos are sex toys designed for penetration and are used by both men and women for sexual pleasure. You can use them vaginally or anally or both. Most dildos are made of silicone or plastic materials, and they come in various sizes and shapes, including penises, goddess figurines, dolphins, and nondescript shapes of various lengths and thicknesses.\n\nSilicone dildos are of much higher quality than their plastic counterparts. Silicone is a nonporous material, so dirt and bacteria cannot work their way into your dildo. You can sterilize silicone dildos by boiling them for up to five minutes. Silicone is easy to warm before use by placing it in a hot bowl of water or running it under warm tap water. It will also absorb your body's heat with use. Silicone tends to have a smoother texture and to slide more easily, although you will still need to use a water-based lubricant, as with all dildos. As long as you keep sharp objects away from your silicone dildo (including the teeth and claws of curious dogs and cats!), it will last a long time. If the seal of the surface is cut or broken, silicone will crumble.\n\nThe benefits of plastic dildos lie primarily in price; for the most part, they are less expensive than silicone. Plastic dildos also tend to be available in larger models, for you size queens! The plastic materials are porous and can get dirty quickly. I recommend using condoms over plastic dildos even when using them with yourself. You'll have a much better chance of keeping them clean longer. Plastic dildos come in various textures and looks; the most \"realistic\" styles, those resembling a penis with balls, are made of this material.\n\nSo, why use dildos? Some women like the feel of a dildo better than a hand or penis. Some use dildos so they can be filled up both anally and vaginally at the same time. Dildos can be used when masturbating or when your partner is tired. You can pick the dildo of the exact size that fits you, which you can't do with your partner's hand or penis. You may want to be penetrated with something much larger (or smaller) than what nature can provide. Finally, with a dildo, you, too, can be endowed with the anatomy to penetrate your partners, whether you are sexual with men or with women.\n\n  \n\n\n  \n\n\nDildos can be used by hand or secured with a harness. Most harnesses are designed to wear around your hips, through a newer thigh harness is growing in popularity. Most harnesses are made of leather which tends to be soft on the skin, secure, and durable. Harnesses are also available in a neoprene and webbing design, for folks who do not like leather. These are less expensive, too.\n\n  \n\n\nILLUSTRATION 6. Dildos and Harnesses\n\nThe two main hip harness designs are distinguished by the number of straps holding them to your body. One style has a center strap that runs between your legs, like a G-string. This model can give the harness wearer clitoral stimulation. The second style has two straps that ride around the outside of each buttock and hip, like a jock-strap. These harnesses provide easier access to the genitals of the wearer.\n\nCertain harnesses accommodate dildos with balls better than others. These have two straps that slide freely around the center ring used to secure the dildo, allowing you to arrange the straps around the balls on the dildo. This style of harness best accommodates men, allowing room for the penis to be tucked to the side comfortably. A man may strap one on if he has an erectile dysfunction, if he wants to keep playing after having come, if his partner wants to go longer than he can last, or for variety in width and length.\n\nHarnesses with a piece of leather or cloth behind the base of the dildo are more comfortable for the harness wearer. The dildo does not end up pulling on your pubic hairs.\n\nThere are also thigh harnesses that you strap around your leg. Most often these are made of leather with wide bands of Velcro used to secure the harness. Thigh harnesses gives you new variety in positions and let you use the strength of your leg in penetration instead of your hips. You and your partner can each wear a thigh harness for simultaneous penetration. They can be used for vaginal and anal penetration.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the chapter \"Sex Toys and Accoutrements\" discussing the use of anal toys. Begin by explaining the two most important rules when using toys for anal play: use lubrication and select a toy with a wide flanged base that will prevent it from sliding up inside of you or your partner.\n\nDescribe the various types of anal toys available, including butt plugs, dildos, anal vibrators, and anal beads. Explain the function and design of each type of toy. For example, mention that butt plugs are wide in the middle and thinner at the end, with a wide base that prevents them from slipping in. The idea is that the sphincter muscles can close around the plug, securing it in place. You can leave a plug in as you enjoy a variety of sexual activities. Placing a vibrator on the base of a butt plug can transmit vibrations into your rectum. This can feel great for many folks.\n\nExplain that dildos are great for anal penetration and the importance of choosing the length and width that will be most enjoyable for you. Unlike a butt plug, a dildo will not stay secured in the anus without pressure. Dildos can be used by hand or with a harness. If you have not played much anally, start small so that you can experiment and learn how to relax your sphincter muscles. A good way to judge the desired width of an anal toy is to see how many fingers feel comfortable for you and use that as your guide.\n\nMention that vibrators designed for anal use stimulate the very sensitive nerve endings in the anus, and that they can vibrate or twist and turn. Emphasize the importance of choosing a quality toy for anal vibration, with plenty of material covering the internal moving parts.\n\nDescribe anal beads as a string of beads with a round hook or handle of some kind on one end. The beads are made of hard plastic or silicone, and come in a variety of sizes. Explain that cheaper ones may have rough edges; use a nail file to smooth down any roughness that may injure your anal tissues. Many women and men sing the praises of anal beads, inserting them one at a time and then pulling them out during orgasm.\n\nInclude an illustration of anal toys to accompany the text.", "response": "\n\n#  Anal Toys\n\nThere are two rules when using toys for anal play; use lubrication and select a toy with a wide flanged base that will prevent it from sliding up inside of you or your partner.\n\nAnal toys come in all shapes and sizes and in a variety of materials. There are butt plugs, dildos, anal vibrators, and anal beads. Butt plugs are wide in the middle and thinner at the end (of course, the base is wide enough to prevent the plug from slipping in). The idea is that the sphincter muscles can close around the plug, securing it in place. You can leave a plug in as you enjoy a variety of sexual activities. Placing a vibrator on the base of a butt plug can transmit vibrations into your rectum. This can feel great for many folks. Butt plugs are not designed for thrusting in and out of the anus; dildos are better for that.\n\nDildos are great for anal penetration. The idea is to choose the length and width that will be most enjoyable for you. Unlike a butt plug, a dildo will not stay secured in the anus without pressure. Dildos can be used by hand or with a harness. If you have not played much anally, start small so that you can experiment and learn how to relax your sphincter muscles. A good way to judge the desired width of an anal toy is to see how many fingers feel comfortable for you and use that as your guide.\n\nVibrators that are designed for anal use stimulate the very sensitive nerve endings in the anus. They can vibrate or twist and turn. Make sure you choose a quality toy for anal vibration, with plenty of material covering the internal moving parts. Some toys marketed for anal play are too shoddy to use safely.\n\nAnal beads are pretty much what they sound like: a string of beads with a round hook or handle of some kind on one end. The beads are made of hard plastic or silicone, and come in a variety of sizes. Cheaper ones may have rough edges; use a nail file to smooth down any roughness that may injure your anal tissues. Many women and men sing the praises of anal beads, inserting them one at a time and then pulling them out during orgasm.\n\n  \n\n\nILLUSTRATION 7. Anal Toys\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the chapter \"Sex Toys and Accoutrements\" discussing the use of lubricants. Begin by explaining that water-based lubricants should be used with all toys to enhance sexual pleasure. Emphasize the importance of using lubricants with anal toys, as they are a must for safe and comfortable anal play.\n\nMention that some people prefer oil-based lubricants for anal play, as they don't evaporate with use. However, also note that oils can break down latex, so oil-based lubricants should not be used with latex condoms or gloves. Additionally, warn against getting oils in or near the vagina, as they can be difficult for the natural cleansing mechanisms of the vagina to break down and may cause an infection.\n\nExplain that water-based lubricants can be rehydrated by adding water as you play. Suggest placing some water or a spritzer bottle near your play space to make this easy.\n\nInclude a testimonial from a person who has had a positive experience with lubricants. This person should express how lubricants have helped them overcome issues with dryness or discomfort during sex, and how they no longer feel flawed or broken as a result.", "response": "\n\n#  Lubricants\n\nUse a water-based lubricant with all of your toys. Lubricants will make sex play with dildos more pleasurable, and with anal toys they are a must. Some people prefer oil-based lubricants for anal play, because they don't evaporate with use. Remember that oils break down latex, so you should not use oil-based lubricants with latex condoms or gloves. Also, avoid getting oils in or near the vagina. Oils are hard for the natural cleansing mechanisms of the vagina to break down and may cause an infection. You can rehydrate water-based lubricants by adding water as you play. Placing some water or a spritzer bottle near your play space makes this easy.\n\n> > Lubricants saved my sex life. I thought I was damaged and broken because I never got very wet. I guess I just don't make a lot of juice. Lube is easy and works, and I don't feel like I am flawed.\n> \n> Daren\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the chapter \"Sexual Aids and Accessories\" discussing the use of love potions. Begin by acknowledging that there are many love potions on the market, making various claims such as enhancing sexual prowess and increasing endurance. Explain that these claims are mostly marketing strategies, but that some love potions can be enjoyable and fun to use.\n\nDistinguish between edible and non-edible love potions. Describe edible love potions as those that are intended to be rubbed onto your partner's body and then licked or eaten off. Mention that they come in various flavors, such as hot and spicy, fruit treats, and tubs of chocolate potions. Recommend choosing edible love potions with more natural ingredients for better flavor.\n\nDescribe non-edible love potions as those that are made to cause sensations, such as heat or tingling. Mention a specific example, like Kama Sutra's balm that has a slight, short-term numbing effect. Explain that this can be useful for people with very sensitive body parts.\n\nFinally, suggest making your own love potions by adding scents and flavors to massage oil. Provide examples of edible spreads that can be used, such as fruits, chocolate, whipped cream, and honey.", "response": "\n\n##  Love Potions\n\nThere are lots of love potions on the market. Some claim they will enhance your sexual prowess, others that they will make you \"last\" longer. Mostly these are marketing strategies to interest you in the product. The biggest distinction is between those love potions that are edible and those that are not. The edible love potions will say so on the label; they are intended to be rubbed onto your partner's body and then licked or eaten off. You'll find hot and spicy flavors, fruit treats, and tubs of chocolate potions. Those that include more natural ingredients (i.e., have ingredients with words you can recognize) tend to be the most flavorful.\n\nA number of love potions are made to cause sensations: they may be hot to the skin or heat up with rubbing. Kama Sutra makes a balm that has a slight, short-term numbing effect. This can be useful for people with very sensitive nipples.\n\nYou can make your own potions by adding scents and flavors to massage oil. You can play with edible spreads\u2014from fruits to chocolate, from whipped cream to honey.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the chapter \"Sexual Aids and Accessories\" discussing the use of S/M and bondage toys. Begin by listing some examples of these toys, including body harnesses, restraints, whips, canes, blindfolds, gags, collars, and erotic clothing. Mention that many of these toys are made of leather, latex, or PVC.\n\nExplain the importance of educating oneself about S/M practices and toys, as S/M can involve physical intensity and pain. Emphasize the need for skill and safety when using S/M toys. Provide examples of resources for learning about S/M, such as workshops, organizations, and books.\n\nDescribe in detail the various types of S/M toys, discussing their intensity levels and sensations. For example, discuss nipple clamps, mentioning the differences between adjustable and nonadjustable clamps, and explaining that the most intense sensation comes when the nipple clamps are removed.\n\nDo the same for whips, explaining the different styles, materials, and sensations they create. Emphasize the importance of safety when using whips, suggesting practicing on a pillow before using them on a partner.\n\nDiscuss bondage, explaining the importance of using proper bondage devices. Warn against using household items such as silk scarves and nylons for bondage, as they can tighten when pulled and cause harm. Recommend using cloth or leather restraints made specifically for bondage.\n\nProvide tips for safe bondage play, such as keeping scissors near the bed for cutting off any bondage gone awry. Encourage the reader to seek advice from educated staff at quality S/M retailers and mail-order operations.", "response": "\n\n#  S/M and Bondage Toys\n\nS/M and bondage toys include body harnesses, restraints, whips, canes, blindfolds, gags, collars, and erotic clothing\u2014to name but a few. Much S/M and bondage gear is made of leather, latex, or PVC, which is a shiny vinyl. Some folks like to dress up in S/M fetish gear, even though they are not S/M practitioners.\n\nIf you are interested in this type of sexual expression, educate yourself. Because S/M can involve physical intensity and pain, it is important that you be skilled in what you are doing with S/M toys. Whips, ropes, and other toys can do harm in the hands of an uninformed player. It is up to you to learn how to play safely. Most S/M organizations offer workshops on basic safety, and books like The Bottoming Book and The Topping Book offer friendly instruction. See the Resources for more information.\n\nWhen selecting S/M gear, be aware of the intensity of sensation your new toy will produce. If you are interested in nipple clamps, for example, the tweezer and alligator clips are adjustable and will give you some control over the intensity of the sensation. The tweezer style accommodates larger nipples. Marquis d'Clips and clothespins are nonadjustable; they provide much more intense sensation. The most intense sensation comes when the nipple clamps are removed.\n\nLet's use whips as another example. There are various styles of whips with different names, made of leather, deer skin, rubber, and other materials, each creating a different sensation. Floggers are shorter whips made of many strands. Often they are crafted from fine leathers and feature thick, weighty strands. Most floggers create a heavy, deep sensation, while a long, thin whip will create a stinging sensation. A suede whip will give more of a thud that spreads sensation at first; it will give more sting as it collects body oils. A whip made of plastic will sting no matter what.\n\nWhen learning how to use whips and other percussive S/M toys, practice on a pillow before you play with a partner. Learn how to aim the toy and how to produce the sensations you want. It is essential that you learn how to wield your new toy safely. Aim for the fleshy and muscled parts of the body\u2014like the buttocks and upper back\u2014and always steer clear of bones and internal organs.\n\nMany folks play with bondage, whether or not they are into S/M. If you want to tie up your partner, you'll probably start by looking at household items. Some of the accoutrements you might find at home are dangerous choices for toys, however. Silk scarves and nylons are poor bondage devices because they can tighten when pulled, cutting off circulation or damaging the tissues. Bondage devices should be sturdy and comfortable to the wearer and not tighten with pressure and pulling. Your best bets are cloth or leather restraints made for the purpose. Remember to keep a pair of scissors near the bed for cutting off any bondage gone awry.\n\nMost quality S/M retailers and mail-order operations employ educated staff who will be happy to answer your questions. If you do not feel comfortable with the services of one company, find another. There are numerous places to purchase S/M and bondage toys (see Resources).\n\n  \n\n\nILLUSTRATION 8. S/M and Bondage Toys\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the chapter \"Toy Care and Safety\" discussing the importance of safe sex and cleaning when using sex toys. Begin by emphasizing the importance of using condoms or other barriers on sex toys to prevent infections and STDs, especially if the toys are to be shared.\n\nProvide detailed instructions on how to use condoms on various types of toys, such as dildos, butt plugs, and vibrators. Mention the need to stretch the condom over the base of the toy to prevent it from slipping off, especially with anal toys.\n\nExplain the importance of cleaning toys between uses, suggesting various methods such as using an antibacterial soap or a 30 percent hydrogen peroxide/water mix. Provide detailed instructions on how to clean different types of toys, such as vibrators, silicone toys, and leather harnesses and restraints.\n\nEmphasize the importance of storing sex toys in a clean, dry place. Suggest keeping dildos and plugs in separate baggies to prevent dust and fuzzies from accumulating. Remind the reader to keep their storage place animal-proof to prevent pets from damaging the toys.", "response": "\n\n#  Toys, Safer Sex, and Cleaning\n\nTo prevent infections and STDs, use condoms or other barriers on your sex toys\u2014especially if you are going to share them. If you do not want to use barriers, do not share your toys. Wash them carefully after each use.\n\nCondoms can be used on dildos, butt plugs, and vibrators. You can even stretch them over the large head of an electric vibrator. If you use latex on your anal toys, be sure to stretch the condom over the base of the toy so that it does not slip off up the anal canal. And if you are using plastic (not silicone) dildos and anal toys, use a condom every time you use the toy, even if you are masturbating. Plastic material is porous and absorbs dirt.\n\nClean your toys between uses with an antibacterial soap or a 30 percent hydrogen peroxide/water mix. You can wipe down the surface of your vibrators or other battery-operated or electric toys with alcohol or hydrogen peroxide. Test a small area first to see if the plastic material will react to the alcohol. Silicone toys can be disinfected by boiling for up to five minutes.\n\nYou can wash your leather harness and restraints with soap and water and hang them to dry. Whips and other leather goods can be wiped down with a hydrogen peroxide and water mixture and hung to dry.\n\nKeep your sex toys in a clean, dry place. You may want to keep your dildos and plugs in separate baggies. Plastic and silicone can attract fuzzies and dust balls. Also, be sure your storage place is animal-proof. Dogs and cats seem to love gnawing on your favorite toys!\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the chapter \"Erotic Books and Videos\" discussing the wide variety of erotic materials available to women and their potential benefits. Begin by highlighting the increasing availability of erotic books and videos created by women, including anthologies and specialized collections such as Herotica.\n\nMention the different types of erotica available, from soft erotica with subtle suggestions of sex to explicit representations of various sexual activities, including S/M, exhibitionism, and voyeurism. Emphasize the importance of finding erotica that resonates with the reader's own cultural background and experiences.\n\nDiscuss the possibility of enjoying erotic materials that feature different sexual orientations than the reader's preference. Encourage readers to explore their desires, even if they seem to contradict their values or political beliefs.\n\nMention the documentary \"Erotica: A Journey into Women's Sexuality\" as an example of women exploring their own sexual transformations and self-defined sexuality. Address the criticisms of pornography and the potential issues surrounding consent for survivors of sexual abuse working in the pornography and sex industry.\n\nConclude by emphasizing the importance of economic choice in empowered consent and encouraging readers to explore different types of erotica to find what they like. Suggest resources such as the Good Vibrations Sexuality Library catalog to help readers discover a wide selection of erotic videos with various ratings.", "response": "\n\n#  Erotic Books and Videos\n\nWe now have shelves and shelves of erotic books by women. You'll find anthologies like Herotica reviewed in the mainstream press and sold widely in bookstores. You'll still find the best selection of women's erotica at specialty stores\u2014the same stores that sell quality sex toys designed for women. Erotic books and videos can offer ideas of what is possible sexually, give you fodder for fantasy, show you what you don't like, and turn you on. You can find soft erotica with subtle suggestions of sex or explicit get-down-to-it representations of sex, S/M, exhibitionism, and voyeurism. You'll find erotica intended for culturally diverse audiences\u2014such as Erotic Noire, a collection of African and African American erotica, The Oy of Sex, a collection of Jewish women's erotica, Pleasure in the Word, a collection of Latin American women's erotica, and Best Lesbian Erotica, the annual series of lesbian and bisexual women's erotica. You can even find erotic comics, like those by Michael Manning.\n\nYou may like erotic books and videos that show a different sexual orientation than your preference. As a lesbian, you may like heterosexual or gay male erotica; as a heterosexual, you may like lesbian erotica. Fantasies and turn-ons often differ from how you choose to express yourself sexually.\n\nAs you begin to explore your sexuality more deeply, desires may emerge that contradict your values or political beliefs. You may get turned on by the idea of being taken or taking someone else sexually. These contradictions exist in all of us. Talk to people about them. Explore them. Don't discard them into the \"bad\" category\u2014be curious about them. What do you have to discover about yourself and your sexuality by looking at these desires?\n\nErotica: A Journey into Women's Sexuality is an independently produced documentary that looks at the contributions of women whose artistic creations center around sex. I find many things about the film powerful. Each of the women talks about her own sexual transformation and how she evolved her self-defined sexuality and sexual expression. Candida Royalle, who writes and produces pornography, said that her work in this industry called her to look deeply at her own sexuality, the damage done to women's sexuality by our culture, and the possibility of personal healing. Annie Sprinkle shares a very poignant story about attacks on her sexually explicit performance art. One Australian radio announcer, playing tapes of speeches by Hitler, said he knew what to do with women like Annie Sprinkle, who is Jewish. This level of attack is profound. What did he find so threatening in Annie Sprinkle's representations of women's sexuality? Other women in the film speak of carving out a place for their own sexual empowerment in a society that offers little room for women's sexuality.\n\nMany people critique pornography for its male view of sex and sexuality, and for not portraying women as viable and self-defined sexual beings. Studies also show that a high percentage of survivors of childhood sexual abuse and adult sexual assault work in the pornography and sex industry. This then begs the question of consent. If a survivor is not healing, she may still believe that the only thing about her of worth is her sexuality. Her tolerance of being used or abused sexually may be high, and there may be real poverty and oppression keeping her in the sex industry. These factors do not make for empowered consent.\n\n> > I started dancing because sex was what I knew. I knew how to be sexual with men, how to have some control that way. I started stripping as soon as I turned eighteen. That grew into prostitution, mostly with men about my dad's age. It all seemed very familiar, too familiar.\n> \n> Jody\n\nMany women work in the sex industry by choice, however, and do feel empowered to consent. They see women's sexual empowerment as a key to changing and healing society at large. Women in this position for the most part have the economic options to choose whether to be in the sex industry. Economic choice is a fundamental part of empowered consent.\n\n> > I chose to do sex work for a while. I know it doesn't work for some women, but it was great for me. I felt like I controlled the situation. I got to choose what I do with my sex. Plus, I like sex and think it can be healing and powerful.\n> \n> C.B.\n\nYou may or may not like pornography. You may find yourself compelled and turned off at the same time. Lots of women shy away from porn because they don't know what they will like. To get an idea of what's available, ask Good Vibrations for their Sexuality Library catalog, which they will send you free upon request. This catalog features a wide selection of videos, with ratings for woman-oriented content, lesbian content, safer sex, inclusion of people of color, chemistry between partners, and quality filmmaking.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the chapter \"Phone Sex\" discussing the potential of the telephone as a sex toy and the benefits of having sex over the telephone. Explain how phone sex can be just as powerful and erotic as in-person sex, and how it can help people practice their erotic talk. Share a personal anecdote from a reader about their positive experience with phone sex.\n\nThen, provide information on professional phone sex lines and their availability. Explain the different types of phone sex lines, including those with professional operators and those that connect callers with each other. Emphasize that these services are often free for women while men typically pay. Provide suggestions on where to find advertisements for these services, such as in erotic magazines or local weekly publications.", "response": "\n\n#  Phone Sex\n\nThe telephone can become a sex toy in its own right. You can have sex over the telephone that can be as powerful and erotic as sex you have in person. Because some people find it easier to talk explicitly about sex over the phone than in person, phone sex can be a great way to practice your erotic talk.\n\n> > My partner and I grew our sex life into this amazing and exciting experience using phone sex while we lived apart. It was so yummy.\n> \n> Aurora\n\nProfessional phone sex lines are also available. Most folks are familiar with these 900 numbers. Some sex talk lines are designed for callers to speak with a professional. Others are set up for callers to talk to one another, usually through a series of voice mail systems. If you choose, you can also arrange to talk live to others on the service. You can find these services advertised in the back of erotic magazines or your local weekly rag. This type of phone sex line is often free for women, while the male callers pay.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the chapter \"Cyber Sex\" discussing the potential of computers as high-tech sex toys and the various types of sexual experiences available online. Explain the different types of websites, including those with erotic pictures, sexually explicit chat rooms, and reliable sex education resources. Mention that some sites charge a fee for entry while others are free, and that age requirement notices are posted on their front pages.\n\nThen, introduce the book \"The Woman's Guide to Sex on the Web\" by Cathy Winks and Anne Semans. Explain that the book reviews two hundred of the best sex websites for women and includes interviews with industry professionals. Mention that the book also covers online rendezvous sites and other sexuality resources for women. Highlight that some of the sites listed in the book provide information on sexual abuse and assault.", "response": "\n\n#  Cyber Sex\n\nComputers may be the latest in high-tech sex toys. Numerous sites offering different types of sexual experiences can be found easily. There are sites with erotic pictures, sexually explicit chat rooms, and some offering reliable sex education. You can also shop for your sex toys online. Many of these sites, especially the ones advertising explicit photos, charge a fee for entry. Others are free. They will all post age requirement notices on their front pages.\n\nThe Woman's Guide to Sex on the Web by Cathy Winks and Anne Semans reviews two hundred of the best sex Web sites for women. It includes interviews with folks in the industry, along with the latest in online rendezvous sites, and other sexuality resources for women. Some of the sites they list will link you to information on sexual abuse and assault.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section for the chapter \"Your Play Toys\" discussing the importance of exploration and trying out different toys, books, and videos that catch your interest. Emphasize that it's normal to feel embarrassed when visiting a store that sells sex toys, whether it's the first time or the tenth time, and that this feeling can be experienced even when ordering over the phone or online. Encourage readers to engage in open conversations about sex to help normalize making choices that support their sexual development and to become more comfortable with sex through exploration.", "response": "\n\n#  Your Play Toys\n\nThe guiding principle here is exploration. Try out the toys, books, and videos that grab your attention and go with what titillates you. It is perfectly normal to feel embarrassed the first time you walk into a store that sells sex toys\u2014or even the tenth time! It can be nerve-racking even ordering over the phone or online. The more you talk with others about sex, the more normal it will seem to make choices that support your sexual development. You'll become more comfortable with sex by engaging in the exploration of it.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Sex Guide Exercises\" that provides the reader with practical activities to support their sexual growth. Include questions such as \"What sex toys might you like to try?\" and \"How can you use sex toys to support your sexual growth?\". Additionally, suggest actions for the reader to take, such as visiting one of the toy stores listed in the resources section. Provide options for this visit, such as exploring a website, calling a mail-order company to request a catalog, or physically walking into a store nearby.", "response": "\n\n#  Sex Guide Exercises\n\n> 1\\. What sex toys might you like to try? How can you use sex toys to support your sexual growth?\n\n> 2\\. Check out one of the toy stores listed in the Resources. Visit a Web site, call a mail-order company to request a catalog, or walk into a store near you.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Tantra\" that explains the concept of Tantra and its roots in ancient Eastern spiritual disciplines. Discuss how Tantra combines sexuality with spirituality and treats sex as both an energetic and potentially transcendent experience. Mention the growing popularity of Tantra in the West over the last two decades. Include a personal testimonial from a survivor of sexual abuse, such as Cheryl, who found healing and a new perspective on sex through the practice of Tantra.", "response": "\n\n#  Tantra\n\nTantra is a sexual practice that is rooted in ancient Eastern spiritual disciplines, one of a number of such practices found in ancient Japanese, Tibetan, Chinese, Hindu, and Native American spiritual traditions. Tantra essentially combines sexuality with spirituality and treats sex as both an energetic and a potentially transcendent experience. Both the body and sexuality are considered vehicles with which to contact the sacred. Tantra has become more popular and accessible in the West in the last twenty-five years and particularly popular in the last decade. The Art of Sexual Ecstasy by Margot Anand does an excellent job of translating tantric practices for the Western mind (see Bibliography). In a culture where sex and religion are so often considered antithetical, tantra can be a refreshing look at sex and sexuality, bringing the sacred back into sex.\n\nTantra teaches one to look at sex as an energetic and spiritual experience. The goal is not necessarily orgasm, but rather the opening of the body and spirit to God/Great Spirit/Vishnu/Universe. This energy can also be focused toward healing and opening the body and the sexual body. Tantric practitioners learn breath and movement patterns that increase the sexual energy in the body and the connection between partners. The focus of sex and sexual sensations is raised from the genitals to spread up the chakra system and over the whole body.\n\n> > After a childhood of being used as a sexual object for my father, I was relieved to find tantra. It brought something pure and beautiful back to sex. It was no longer a way for someone to use me but a way for me to connect with myself, with another, and with the sacred. This has been very healing for me.\n> \n> Cheryl\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Yoni Massage\" that explains the standard tantric names for the vulva and male genitalia, Yoni and Lingam, respectively. Discuss the different ways tantric practitioners teach touching the body and genitals to raise sexual energy. Include information about the Miraculous Mooshy Massage for the Body Electric School developed by Annie Sprinkle and Joseph Kramer, which is a multistep massage process aimed at raising sexual energy and teaching people how to touch women's bodies and genitals. Provide a personal testimonial, like Jo's, who learned the Yoni massage at a training and found it to be a valuable experience in understanding their own anatomy and different ways to touch and be touched sexually.", "response": "\n\n#  Yoni Massage\n\nYoni and lingam are the standard tantric names for the vulva and the male genitalia, respectively. Different tantric practitioners teach different ways of touching the body and genitals to raise the sexual energy. Annie Sprinkle and Joseph Kramer developed what they call the Miraculous Mooshy Massage for the Body Electric School (see Resources for contact information). This is a multistep massage process whose goal is to raise sexual energy and teach people how to touch women's bodies and genitals. The process includes full-body touch, vulva accupressure points, relaxation and breathing techniques, and spreading the erotic energy over the entire body. Most of us are thrown into the mix with little real sex education, much less instruction on how best to touch and be touched, so this is a wonderful tool to learn by.\n\n> > I learned the yoni massage at a training. While this might sound out there, it was such a great experience. I got to really learn about the different parts of my own anatomy and different ways to touch and be touched sexually. I can pass this information on to my lovers now.\n> \n> Jo\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Sacred Masturbation and Ceremony\" that explains how to create a sacred ritual for masturbation as taught by Betty Dodson in her book Selfloving. Discuss the importance of setting up a sacred space and time to truly care for and nourish yourself sexually. Encourage the creation of sacred space, ritual, or ceremony around sex or masturbation either alone or with a partner. Provide examples of healing ceremonies or sexual self-forgiveness rituals. Share a definition of ceremony or ritual from Serge Kahali King, a Hawaiian shaman, who describes it as creating an environment and intention to move or transform. Include a list of ideas to create a sacred ceremony or ritual, such as setting up a beautiful space, displaying special objects, lighting candles, and setting intentions. Conclude with a testimonial, like Akaya's, emphasizing the spiritual significance of acts of pleasure.", "response": "\n\n#  Sacred Masturbation and Ceremony\n\nYou do not have to practice tantra specifically to make your sexual expression sacred. Many sacred sex practices are available. Betty Dodson, in her book Selfloving, teaches how to create a sacred ritual for masturbation. She suggests you set up a sacred space, and moreover time, to truly care for and nourish yourself sexually.\n\nYou can create sacred space, ritual, or ceremony around sex or masturbation on your own. You might want to set up a healing ceremony or a sexual self-forgiveness ritual. You can make your masturbation a beautiful celebration and your partner sex a sacred gift.\n\nThe best definition of ceremony or ritual I have found comes from Serge Kahali King, a Hawaiian shaman, who speaks of sacred ceremony as creating an environment and intention to move or transform us. Ask yourself what moves you or is sacred or special to you. Then consider your intention. What do you want to create, heal, or bless in your ritual? Use these components to set up a sacred space or ceremony for yourself or to share with your sexual partner. Here are some ideas for creating a sacred ceremony or ritual for yourself:\n\nCreate a beautiful space. You may want to drape cloths, display special objects, light candles, burn sage or incense, put on music. Set your intention. What do you want this ceremony to celebrate? What do you want to heal in this ritual? Call in any teachers, or God/Goddess/Great Spirit, to be with you. Breathe and center, becoming present and aware of the sacred space you are creating. Take pleasure in your sacred sexuality. Poems and songs can be inspirational in starting or ending. It is lovely to share food after a ceremony.\n\n> > My partner taught me that all acts of pleasure are acts of the Spirit. What divine force would give us such a capacity for pleasure, and then say, \"Don't use it\"?\n> \n> Akaya\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Learning More\" that discusses the traditional method of learning tantra and sacred sexual practices, which is through the teacher-student or guru-devotee relationship. Explain how this method may be unfamiliar to those in the West and highlight the increasing availability of various forms of learning, such as books, videos, tapes, workshops, and private consultations with practitioners and teachers. Emphasize that workshops may include exercises in working with sexual energy and may involve nudity. Advise readers to ask for a detailed course description before participating. Remind the reader to be cautious when choosing a tantric practitioner or teacher, as not all have the same level of integrity, competence, or understanding of childhood sexual abuse and its impact on sexual healing. Encourage the reader to check credentials, inquire about the practitioner's experience working with survivors, and to use their criteria to determine the best teacher or workshop for them. Finally, provide a resources section for more information on tantra and sacred sexuality.", "response": "\n\n#  Learning More\n\nThe traditions of tantra and sacred sexual practices were historically passed down through the teacher-student or guru-devotee relationship, one that is usually unfamiliar to those in the West. As tantric practices become more prevalent in the West, there are more forms of learning available. Many books, videos, and tapes are available on the subject, and both workshops and private consultations with practitioners and teachers can be found in many areas. Be aware that participating in workshops will include exercises in working with your sexual energy, and may include nudity. Ask the organization or trainer to give you a detailed description of the course.\n\nAs with any sexual practice, there are tantric practitioners who have more and less integrity and more and less competency with the issues of childhood sexual abuse. If wish to learn about tantra, use your own criteria to assess who you want to explore with and learn from. Just because someone talks about spirituality does not mean he or she will have the competence to support your sexual healing from childhood sexual abuse, or the appropriate boundaries to do so. Check out the credentials of workshop leaders and teachers, ask about their experience with survivors, and ask what they understand about sexual healing after childhood sexual abuse.\n\n  \n\n\nFor more resources on tantra and sacred sexuality, please see the Resources section.\n"}
{"input": " Create a section titled \"Sex Guide Exercises\" that includes thought-provoking questions for readers to reflect on their feelings and beliefs about sex, their bodies, and their sexuality. Begin with an introductory sentence explaining the purpose of these exercises. Then, list two questions: \n\n1. What do you feel is sacred about sex, your body, and your sexuality?\n2. What might you be interested in learning about tantra or sacred sexuality?", "response": "\n\n#  Sex Guide Exercises\n\n> 1\\. What do you feel is sacred about sex, your body, and your sexuality?\n\n> 2\\. What might you be interested in learning about tantra or sacred sexuality?\n"}
{"input": " Write a chapter titled \"Intimacy and Self-Forgiveness\" that discusses the challenges and benefits of combining emotional intimacy and sex for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Explain how the survivor's history of abuse may resurface during intimate moments, and emphasize that these instances are not failures, but opportunities for healing.", "response": "\n\nchapter sixteen\n\nIntimacy and Self-Forgiveness\n\nMixing emotional intimacy and sex is powerful and challenging for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. You can be sure that if you are intimate both emotionally and sexually with your partners, the sparks of your sexual healing will light fires! This can be both exciting and tumultuous. Your history of sexual abuse will come bubbling up to the surface. Because more of you is present in your relationships, more feelings and more triggers will emerge during sex. This is not a failure, or as one survivor puts it, \"the beginning of the end to yet another relationship.\" Rather, it is a portal into healing your sexuality.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Combining Intimacy and Sex: Turning up the Heat\" that explores the complexities of intimacy in sexual relationships, particularly for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Discuss how intimacy requires feelings of safety, vulnerability, and transparency, and how it can intensify the risk and vulnerability in a sexual relationship. Include personal anecdotes from survivors that illustrate their experiences with intimacy in the context of their healing journey. Also, discuss the importance of self-intimacy and being present with oneself as a practice for being intimate with others.", "response": "\n\n#  Combining Intimacy and Sex: Turning up the Heat\n\nBeing emotionally intimate with sex partners may seem like a given by social standards. We are taught that we should to be in love before we have sex, and that sex should lead to partnership. While sex is physically intimate, it does not necessarily involve emotional or spiritual intimacy. People have sex with people they love, like, and don't know\u2014and even with people they don't like. Sharing emotional and spiritual intimacy are only two of many reasons people have sex. Being in a relationship is no guarantee of intimacy, either. It is possible to be married or partnered for years and have very nonintimate sex.\n\n> > I like having sex with friends and other people I know I am not going to get involved with. It gives me room to explore and be playful, and I get triggered a lot less.\n> \n> Rebecca\n>\n>> I don't think I've had truly intimate sex, the gazing into each other's eyes sex, with my husband for years. Our sex has become very functional.\n> \n> Jackie\n\nIntimacy requires feeling safe and being willing to be vulnerable and more transparent than usual. You can experience an instantaneous connection with someone you've just met. Lasting intimacy, however, is built over time and involves both conflict and ease as you come to know and be known in all of your most vulnerable and imperfect aspects. Intimacy is an ongoing process of risking and revealing as you share yourself with another. The experience of intimacy can be creative and generative.\n\n> > I used to think I was great at being intimate and close; then I started healing.  \n>  A lot of that closeness was my survival cover, a way to feel safe and to try to  \n>  be loved and loving. A lot of me wasn't there, though. I acted in a way I  \n>  thought the person wanted me to, trying to fulfill their needs. Maybe they felt  \n>  close, but I didn't.  \n> \n> \n> Rosa\n>\n>> Being intimate, really vulnerable with another person is the most terrifying part of my healing. Letting myself actually depend on someone again is a big, big risk.\n> \n> Louisa\n\nIn my work with survivors, I find that intimacy intensifies the risk and the vulnerability of a sexual relationship. When we are intimate with a partner, we face a greater risk of losing her or of needing him, and even of being loved. As we feel safer, the unfinished business of our abuse will enter the relationship more readily. We tend to unravel more easily in an intimate relationship.\n\n> > I can get deeply sexual, into my body\u2014let's go to it, babe\u2014with someone until the emotional intensity of our relationship becomes greater than the sexual intensity. Then, my sexuality fades, turns off. I am looking for a time when those two will be seamless.\u2014Akaya\n>\n>> The closer I get to my boyfriend, the more I want to have sex with other guys.  \n>  I want sex to be easy and light. I want to be in control of it and not feel so vulnerable.  \n>  Now that we are closer and I have risked more, our sex isn't like that  \n>  anymore.  \n> \n> \n> Shandell\n\nFor women who have been sexually abused by family members, having sex with someone who feels like \"family\" can seem incestuous. Making commitments, such as moving in together, can be triggering.\n\n> > About four years into my relationship, my partner hit \"family status\" in my  \n>  heart. On the one hand it was great; I was letting myself trust more deeply than  \n>  I ever had. On the other hand, I did not want to have sex with my \"family.\" I  \n>  finally wanted to live in a safe house, with a safe family that I didn't have to  \n>  have sex with.  \n> \n> \n> Janet\n\nIt's easier to keep the sexual abuse and triggers compartmentalized when you are emotionally distant from your partner. You may find it easier to be sexual outside of intimate relationships. You may find yourself having nonintimate or \"checked out\" sex with someone you are emotionally very close to.\n\n> > Once I get close to someone, I start to go away when we are sexual. I feel far away from them, and wonder what I ever liked about them anyway. I want to get away to feel safe.\n> \n> Laura\n>\n>> Sex is easiest with people I hardly know.\n> \n> Lourdes\n\nJust as masturbation is a good way to get to know your sexuality, intimacy with yourself is good practice for being intimate with others. Intimacy with yourself is not about isolation. Intimacy with yourself means accompanying yourself through all of your feelings, sensations, thoughts, wackiness, and imperfections. It is getting closer to yourself. The more you can be present with yourself, the easier it will be to be present with another.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Sensitive versus Intimate\" that differentiates between being sensitive and being intimate in relationships, particularly for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Discuss how survivors can be highly sensitive due to their past experiences, but that sensitivity does not always translate to intimacy. Define intimacy as being fully present with oneself and another, and discuss its connection to conflict resolution, communication, boundary setting, self-dignity, affirmation, trust, and support. Provide practical tips and exercises for building intimacy, such as practicing embodiment, emotional sourcing, and boundary exercises, and encourage the reader to seek out a friend or coach to help them learn about intimacy.", "response": "\n\n##  Sensitive versus Intimate\n\nSurvivors can be amazingly sensitive and receptive to other people. We've been well trained there! When you were being abused, survival hinged on your ability to pay exquisite attention to your surroundings. Being sensitive does not necessarily make you good at intimacy, however. Intimacy means being able to be fully present with yourself and another at the same time. It does not mean abandoning yourself to gain another's approval or giving up what you care about as you support your partner in his or her interests. Intimacy means being willing to experience conflict, and to use conflict to deepen your intimacy. It means risking trust with another at deeper and deeper levels over time. That part never really gets comfortable. The payoff is grand, but there is no guarantee of comfort. Intimacy after childhood sexual abuse means a commitment to grow and learn; in fact, it requires the same practices and tools as those you are learning in sexual healing: embodiment, consent, openness to emotions, healing through triggers, trust, and self-forgiveness. I encourage survivors to find a coach, therapist, or friend who is good at relationships and to learn from that person. Keep educating yourself.\n\n> How to Build Intimacy\n> \n> Practice being with yourself and with another at the same time.\n>\n>>   \n> \n> \n> Treat conflict as something that can build intimacy.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Communicate openly and truthfully.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Develop both clear boundaries and emotional flexibility.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Practice self-dignity and grant your partner self-dignity, too.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Affirm and acknowledge yourself and your partner regularly.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Build trust.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Allow support, pleasure, and conflict\u2014all in the same relationship!\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Practice embodiment, emotional sourcing, and boundary exercises.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Find a friend or coach to help you learn about intimacy.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Self-Forgiveness\" that explores the importance of self-forgiveness in the healing process of survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Begin with a quote from a survivor discussing the impact of self-forgiveness on their healing journey. Address the common misconception that forgiving the perpetrator is the final step in healing, and emphasize that feeling love, warmth, and compassion for oneself is paramount. Share stories and examples from survivors, such as Janet and Naomi, to illustrate the internalization of blame and the child's perspective on the abuse. Discuss the social system's role in perpetuating the belief that sexual abuse is the fault of the child, and explore the concept of survivor's guilt. Explain the connection between self-forgiveness and allowing oneself to experience pleasure, sexual expression, and intimacy. Finally, discuss how sexual abuse may have been the survivor's only source of affection or touch and the impact of this on their healing process.", "response": "\n\n#  Self-Forgiveness\n\n> > Forgiving myself and being forgiven by a community of people who love me was  \n>  the most moving thing that I have experienced in my healing process. I feel like  \n>  I have permission to live now. It is all right that I made it out alive; in fact, it  \n>  is wonderful that I did!  \n> \n> \n> Carla\n\nMany folks think forgiving the perpetrator is the final step in healing from childhood sexual abuse. You may have been told this is the goal of your healing process. Forgiving the perpetrator may naturally arise as a by-product of your own healing, but in my experience it is not necessarily the goal. If you do feel forgiveness, warmth, and compassion for your perpetrator, welcome that as a piece of your own heart thawing. But keep in mind that your healing lies in feeling at least that much love, warmth, and compassion for yourself.\n\n> > When I remembered, the first thing I said was, \"My dad is lucky he has such a forgiving daughter. I forgive him. I am done with that.\" That was my way of repressing the pain. I then spent the next two years in excruciating pain, wondering what was wrong with me, why I was so fucked up and miserable.\n> \n> Janet\n\nForgiving yourself is paramount. Survivors internalize the blame for sexual abuse. This makes sense when viewed in the context of children's developmental process. Children have not fully differentiated themselves from other people and so attempt to make sense of the world by relating outside events to their own behavior. To small children, the whole world is about them. Kids think they caused their parents' divorce because they spilled their milk or wouldn't go to bed on time. This is the same thinking that goes into believing that sexual abuse was in some way your fault.\n\n> > I spent most of my childhood trying to figure out what I could do differently to make the abuse stop. I was very, very good, trying to control all my behaviors, trying to do whatever my parents wanted. I figured if I could be perfect then he'd have no reason to hurt me anymore. The rules kept changing, though.\n> \n> Naomi\n\nThe social system perpetuates the view that sexual abuse is the fault of the child. Too often, adults demand of children, \"What did you do to make him do that?\" or \"Are you sure that happened?\" Much like adult rape victims who face a criminal justice system that questions the length of their skirts instead of protecting women from sexual violence, children who report sexual abuse are often met with blame and disbelief.\n\nMany women who were abused as children also feel survivor's guilt. Why was I the one to survive? Why did I make it out when my younger brother didn't? Why am I healing when my big sister is institutionalized? Why do I deserve to be okay? This can be particularly intense for survivors of multiple victim abuse and ritual abuse. Any abuse setting in which other victims either literally or figuratively didn't make it can produce tremendous guilt for the surviving party.\n\n> > I survived the ritual abuse and others didn't. I have carried tremendous guilt for that. I wondered, Why me? Why am I the one who made it out?\n> \n> Carol\n\nSelf-forgiveness is directly tied to how much pleasure, sexual expression, and intimacy you will allow yourself in your life. If you are punishing yourself for being \"bad\" or \"dirty,\" why would you allow yourself to delight in sexual expression? Self-forgiveness is the doorway through which you move toward what you want in your life.\n\nSexual abuse may have been your only source of affection or touch. We all need physical contact with other humans as much as we need water, food, and air. In the case of children who receive no other physical affection, any touch is a relief.\n\n> > I sometimes hate myself for having sought out his touch. I was starving. I figured if this is the way I can get love and affection, I'll take it.\n> \n> Jo\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Let Yourself off the Hook\" that guides survivors of childhood sexual abuse through the process of self-forgiveness. Begin by encouraging readers to explore why they believe they are at fault, without contradicting or trying to prove these beliefs wrong. Provide examples of beliefs held by survivors, such as feeling that the abuse was their fault because they were \"sexy\" at a young age or because they like certain sexual activities today. Encourage readers to consult trusted friends or therapists for a reality check on their self-blame.\n\nNext, explain that self-forgiveness is a granted, not earned, process. Emphasize that one can believe they are to blame and still forgive themselves. Provide examples of self-forgiveness statements, such as \"I may have liked the attention, but I forgive myself for that.\"\n\nThen, instruct readers to find a trusted friend or therapist to witness their self-forgiveness process. Ask them to imagine how it would feel to have another person witness their unforgivable aspects and to consider whether this person would hold them responsible or forgive them.\n\nFinally, provide a prompt for readers to make a list of all the ways they are different from their abusers. This list can help them see their choices more clearly and distinguish themselves from those who harmed them. Include an example from a survivor who feels responsible for choosing how she was molested and another example from a survivor who molested a child and is struggling with self-forgiveness.", "response": "\n\n##  Let Yourself off the Hook\n\nYou can take steps to forgive yourself. First, explore why you think you are at fault. Become familiar with these beliefs. You don't have to contradict them or prove to yourself that they aren't true. Just look at what you truly believe about the abuse. One survivor wrote, \"I think that the abuse is my fault because I was sexy even at six years old.\" Do you blame yourself because you didn't fight back? Because you minimized the abuse? Include it all. You are probably not alone in your reasons for thinking the abuse was your fault.\n\nMany survivors use their sexual desires as justification for their self-blame. One survivor wrote: \"I think that the abuse is my fault because I like anal sex today; that is one of the ways I was abused, so I must have liked it then.\" Another wrote, \"I am into kinky sex. Maybe I am just as perverted as my perps.\" Explore this for yourself.\n\nAs you face what you believe is your fault, check in with people you trust. Do your close friends think the abuse was your fault because you liked getting attention? Or because you're doing better than your little sister? This reality check is essential in developing a reasonable set of expectations for the girl that you were. People will want to use arguments to convince you that the abuse was not your fault. The experience of self-blame is profoundly deep, however. You can understand intellectually you are not at fault, but that may not change how deeply you blame yourself.\n\n> The sexual abuse was my fault because\u2026\n> \n> Here's what some survivors in a workshop came up with:\n>\n>> \u2022 I was too smart.\n>\n>> \u2022 I wasn't smart enough.\n>\n>> \u2022 I had an orgasm.\n>\n>> \u2022 I like kinky sex.\n>\n>> \u2022 I asked for our \"special time.\"\n>\n>> \u2022 I abused my little brother, so I am just as bad.\n>\n>> \u2022 He didn't really mean it; I am blowing it out of proportion.\n>\n>> \u2022 Women don't really sexually abuse kids.\n>\n>> \u2022 He was abused, too, so it doesn't count.\n>\n>> \u2022 I'm gay.\n>\n>> \u2022 I liked the attention.\n>\n>> \u2022 I didn't say \"no.\"\n\nThe next step is to begin an active process of forgiving yourself. To do this, you don't have to believe the abuse was not your fault. Self-forgiveness is granted, not earned. You can believe you are to blame and forgive yourself. \"It's my fault because I wasn't smart enough to figure out how to make it stop, and I am forgivable.\" \"I asked my dad to touch me, and I can forgive myself for that.\" Look at your reasons for thinking the abuse was your fault. Point by point, practice forgiving yourself. Say aloud to yourself, \"X may be true and I forgive myself. I am so sorry this happened to me.\" Write these phrases down and post them on your bathroom mirror. Grant yourself self-forgiveness.\n\nThe final step is to ask a trusted friend to witness you in this process. Ask your friend or therapist to listen as you list all of the aspects of your history that you feel are unforgivable. What is it like to feel another person witnessing you? Does this person hold you responsible? Does this person forgive you? Are you forgivable? I can assure you that everything that you have done to survive is forgivable, no matter how terrible it seems to you.\n\n> I Am Different from My Perps Because\u2026\n> \n> You are not your perpetrators, no matter what you enjoy sexually. Make a list of all the ways you are different from those who abused you. This list can assist you in seeing yourself and your choices more clearly. Start with \"I choose to heal.\" Most likely, if your abuser had made that choice, you would not have been abused.\n\n> > My brother would give me choices as to the ways that he would molest me. I  \n>  had to pick whether he would touch my vagina and put things in it or put his  \n>  penis in my mouth. He would end up doing whatever he wanted, but I felt like  \n>  I picked my own demise.  \n> \n> \n> Donna\n>\n>> The hardest thing I have had to face was the unforgivable act of molesting a  \n>  child that I baby-sat. I couldn't stop what I was doing. I felt so out of control.  \n>  I thought I was going to die facing this. How could I have done this when I  \n>  knew how horrible it was for me? I am beginning to have compassion for  \n>  myself. I'm wondering if I will try to find the girl to apologize. I don't know if  \n>  this will be helpful or not. What has helped me the most is talking to a few very  \n>  close people about what I did. They felt the pain with me, and helped me feel  \n>  compassion for myself and the trap I lived in.  \n> \n> \n> Danielle\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Self-Trust and Compassion\" that explains how survivors of childhood sexual abuse can rebuild trust in themselves and their decision-making abilities. Begin by emphasizing that self-trust can be rebuilt over time through consistent action on one's own behalf. Encourage readers to acknowledge any issues they have with self-care, sexual boundaries, or forgiving themselves, and to actively work on addressing these problems.\n\nNext, discuss the challenge survivors face in developing life skills they may lack due to their abusive childhoods. Acknowledge that even though surviving to adulthood is a blessing, it also presents the responsibility of caring for oneself as an adult.\n\nThen, explain the importance of self-compassion in the healing process. Encourage readers to give themselves credit for the survival skills they developed during their abuse, even if these skills are now self-destructive. Remind them that they are not deficient for not knowing how to do certain things, but rather, they were not taught these skills.\n\nProvide examples of problem areas survivors might face, such as difficulty making friends, maintaining sexual relationships, finding fulfilling employment, or experiencing orgasms. Encourage readers to identify their own problem areas and to seek out resources, such as books, friends, workshops, or teachers, to help them learn the skills they need.\n\nEnd the section with a quote from a survivor who is learning to surrender to their own goodness and trustworthiness.", "response": "\n\n#  Self-Trust and Compassion\n\nHow can you learn to trust yourself, your decisions, and your sexual energy? You can rebuild trust with yourself by acting on your own behalf over time. If you need to forgive yourself for not taking care of yourself, do so by learning how to take care of yourself now. If you do not trust yourself to have sexual boundaries, say so. Acknowledge that this is a problem and learn how to develop sexual boundaries that serve you. Self-trust involves the intention to do right by yourself, consistent action to back that up, and the capacity to know how to take that action.\n\nA childhood of sexual abuse does not prepare you well for life. You may find yourself lacking basic skills to take good care of yourself. That you survived to adulthood is both a blessing and a challenge. You may feel like a little girl, but as an adult you are now responsible for your own well-being. Survivors are very creative people when it comes to staying alive in spite of trauma. Now is the time to channel this creativity into learning to live well.\n\nThis is where compassion for yourself comes in. Even if all your survival skills now prove self-destructive\u2014skills like denying your desires, checking out during sex, or avoiding intimacy\u2014give yourself credit for developing these skills when you needed them. And give yourself a break for not knowing what you don't know. What are the problem areas in your life? What things can't you manage? You may not know how to make friends, maintain sexual relationships, find employment that nurtures your creativity, or have an orgasm. What skills do you need to learn? Whom can you learn from? How about a book, a friend, a workshop, or a teacher? You are not deficient for not knowing how to do even the \"simplest\" things. If you do not know how, it is because you were not taught. You can learn how to take care of yourself and to build the life you want.\n\n> > It is about learning how to surrender again, this time to my own goodness and trustworthiness\n> \n> Aurora\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Do I Deserve Pleasure?\" that addresses the common belief among survivors of childhood sexual abuse that they must suffer to make up for what happened to them. Begin by sharing a quote from a survivor named Cheryl, who is learning to allow herself to experience pleasure and spend less time suffering.\n\nNext, explain that many survivors feel they need to suffer due to feelings of guilt, shame, or a belief that they are bad, dirty, or wrong. Discuss the idea that survivors may also feel they would be betraying others who are suffering if they experience pleasure.\n\nThen, emphasize that survivors deserve pleasure and always did deserve pleasure, even though their experiences may not have prepared them for this belief. Remind readers that they deserve a life in which their well-being is respected, simply because they are alive.\n\nEncourage readers to wish more pleasure for themselves and to include themselves in their well-wishing for others.", "response": "\n\n#  Do I Deserve Pleasure?\n\n> > The more I forgive myself, the more pleasure I allow myself\u2026 Now I give myself permission to have in my life those things that bring me pleasure. I am spending less time \"making up\" for being abused by suffering.\n> \n> Cheryl\n\nMany survivors feel that they should pay for what happened to them as children. You may believe that you need to suffer to make up for being bad, dirty, or wrong. You may think that because others are suffering you should as well, that you would betray those who are in pain by having pleasure. Chances are that nothing in your life prepared you for pleasure or the belief that you deserve it. When you feel pleasure, you may feel guilty or ashamed.\n\nYou deserve and always did deserve pleasure. You deserve and always did deserve a life in which your well-being is respected. You are deserving just because you are alive. Do you wish more pleasure for others? Include yourself in this well-wishing.\n"}
{"input": "  Write a section titled \"Pleasure\" that discusses the unfamiliarity many survivors of childhood sexual abuse have with both emotional and sexual pleasure. Emphasize that pleasure can be scary, strange, and therefore suspect, and that many survivors have spent their lives dealing with profound pain, which can feel more familiar and \"safe\" than pleasure.\n\nProvide an analogy using a sea sponge to illustrate the process of reclaiming pleasure. Explain that, like a dried-out sponge that initially repels water, survivors may initially resist pleasure. As the sponge slowly begins to let water in, it becomes supple and pliable again, able to easily let water in and squeeze it out. Similarly, survivors of abuse must practice taking in pleasure, little by little, over and over again.\n\nEmphasize that learning to embody pleasure in one's life may be terrifying, but that survivors can go at their own pace. Encourage readers to think about what brings them physical and emotional joy, and to consider ways to incorporate more of what is pleasurable to them into their lives. Ask readers what they can do to allow pleasure into their bodies and emotional repertoires.", "response": "\n\n##  Pleasure\n\nMany survivors are unfamiliar with both emotional and sexual pleasure. Pleasure can be scary and strange, and therefore suspect. Many survivors have spent their entire lives dealing with profound pain. Pain, lack, and betrayal are familiar and therefore \"safe.\" When in your history was it safe to feel pleasure? When could you relax enough to feel at ease in your body?\n\nReclaiming pleasure is like letting water back into a sea sponge that has been dried for years and is hard and crusty. The sponge initially repels the water and then very slowly begins to let it in. First, a little water seeps in around the edges, and then slowly the water reaches deeper into the sponge. Eventually, with a steady supply of water, the sponge becomes supple and pliable again, able to easily let water in and squeeze it out.\n\nOf course, if you leave the sponge out to dry, it will harden again. To keep it supple, you must regularly submerge that sponge in water. Similarly, if you are denied pleasure, you will learn to resist pleasure. To learn how to embody pleasure in your life, you'll have to practice taking in pleasure, little by little, over and over again. This may be terrifying. Don't worry; you can go at your own pace.\n\nWhat brings you pleasure? What give you physical joy? Emotional joy? What can you do to incorporate more of what is pleasurable to you into your life? What can you do that will allow pleasure into your body? Into your emotional repertoire?\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Self-Permission\" that discusses the need for survivors of childhood sexual abuse to give themselves official and overt permission to experience pleasure, intimacy, sexual expression, and satisfaction. Encourage readers to envision what their sex life might be like if they allowed themselves to have it all and did not settle for anything less than everything they want.\n\nInclude a personal testimony from a survivor named Anna, who grants herself full permission to express her sexuality and live her life to her own standards. Follow this with a paragraph granting the reader permission to fully express their sexuality, experience pleasure, and have their boundaries, needs, and desires.\n\nEmphasize the importance of personal and community support in this stage of the process. Encourage readers to find someone who is excited about their journey towards a fully expressed sexuality, and who can remind them of their goals when things get tough.\n\nAsk readers what keeps them from granting themselves permission to have the sexuality and sexual expression they want on their own terms. Include a personal testimony from a survivor named Roslyn, who does not feel safe enough to grant herself permission to express herself sexually.\n\nDiscuss how some survivors do not feel safe enough to give themselves permission to express themselves sexually, and that exploring the reasons for this can be helpful. Encourage readers to explore all aspects of their lives in which they do not give themselves permission to be fully themselves.\n\nEnd the section with a \"Sexual Expression Permission Slip\" exercise, in which you instruct readers to write themselves a permission slip to have the sex life they want. Include a sample permission slip with specific expressions, acts, and feelings that readers might want to give themselves explicit permission for. Encourage readers to sign the permission slip lovingly, as a symbol of their commitment to their own healing and growth.", "response": "\n\n#  Self-Permission\n\nYou may need to officially and overtly give yourself permission to experience pleasure, intimacy, sexual expression, and satisfaction. What would your sex life be like if you gave yourself permission to have it all? To not settle for anything less than everything you want?\n\n> > I give myself permission, because really it's not up to anyone else. My body, my life, and my sex are mine and no one else's. This is the only life I have; I'm going to live it fully to my own standards.\n> \n> Anna\n\nFrom this moment forward you have permission to fully express your sexuality. You are granted permission to experience pleasure, delight, intensity\u2014whatever you want. You have full permission to have your boundaries, needs, and desires. How's that? Granting yourself permission to be fully expressed sexually is a courageous act. Go for it.\n\nPersonal and community support are as important as ever in this stage of the process. Find at least one other person who is as excited as you about you having a fully expressed sexuality. When things get tough, ask your friend to remind you just why you want a sex life, anyway.\n\nWhat keeps you from granting yourself permission to have the sexuality and sexual expression you want, on your own terms? Do you feel you need someone else's permission? Who might that be? Your parents? God?\n\n> > Whom do I need permission from to be fully expressed sexually? I'm not sure.  \n>  Maybe God? Somehow I am \"bad\" or \"damaged\" still, so I am not allowed to  \n>  fully be my big, bright self.  \n> \n> \n> Roslyn\n\nSome survivors do not feel safe enough to give themselves permission to express themselves sexually. When you were being abused, it was not safe to reveal yourself or to express your sexuality in your own way.\n\nExplore all the nooks and crannies of your life in which you don't give yourself permission to fully be yourself. How does it serve you to deny aspects of yourself? Are you keeping yourself hidden, punished, or safe? What would it feel like to be both safe and fully expressed sexually?\n\n> > For me it is about safety. It has never been safe to come out all the way. I sneak around, letting a little of me come out here, letting a different part of me out there\u2026Now the people in my life would probably rather I be my whole self.\n> \n> Cindy\n\nYou now have the power to choose sexual partners and friends who respect you, support your growth, and delight in your successes. They may even want to join you in your adventure by doing some sexual healing of their own!\n\n> Sexual Expression Permission Slip\n> \n> Write yourself a permission slip to have the sex life you want. Here is a sample. Of course, you can create your own permission slip, using language that is meaningful for you. If you need permission from others, or from God, write yourself a permission slip from them. List all the specific expressions, acts, and feelings you want to receive explicit permission for. I, _________________ , give myself complete permission to be fully expressed sexually on my own terms. This includes expressing myself sexually in whatever ways, wherever, whenever, and with whomever I choose from this day forward.\n>\n>>   \n> \n> \n> Specifically, I give myself full permission\n>\n>> \u2022 to have the boundaries that I want and need sexually.\n>\n>> \u2022 to acknowledge all of my feelings while I am being sexual, and to take care of them in whatever way best serves me in the given situation.\n>\n>> \u2022 to laugh during sex.\n>\n>> \u2022 to masturbate.\n>\n>> \u2022 to be sexually brazen or shy.\n>\n>> \u2022 to be in my body.\n>\n>> \u2022 to say \"yes,\" \"maybe,\" or \"no\" to sex.\n>\n>> \u2022 to do that one thing I've never told anyone that I've always wanted to do sexually, like\u2026\n> \n> You, ___________, are granted full permission to express yourself sexually on your own terms. You have my blessings.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Enjoy!\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> Lovingly, (your signature)\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Sex Guide Exercises\" that provides survivors of childhood sexual abuse with a series of exercises designed to help them work through their feelings of guilt, increase their tolerance for intimacy, and envision a healthier sex life.\n\nInclude an exercise that instructs the reader to make a list of all the things related to the abuse that they believe are their fault. Encourage the reader to read the list to themselves every day for a week, a month, or a year, and to consider what they would say to a little girl who told them these things about herself.\n\nInclude another exercise that instructs the reader to read the same list to their therapist, a friend, or their partner. Encourage the reader to ask that person to confirm that they are forgiven and to tell them whatever they need to hear to feel supported in forgiving themselves.\n\nAdd a third exercise that instructs the reader to write about what their sex life would be like if they were completely forgiven.\n\nProvide an additional exercise that can help the reader increase their tolerance for intimacy with a partner. This exercise should instruct the reader to sit facing their partner and breathe deeply while looking into their partner's face and eyes. Encourage the reader to notice what happens in their body, and to share their observations with their partner after three minutes. Suggest that the reader and their partner repeat the exercise for another three minutes, discussing their experience afterwards. If the reader is comfortable, suggest that they try the exercise while nude.", "response": "\n\n#  Sex Guide Exercises\n\n> 1\\. Make a list of all of the things related to the abuse that you believe are your fault. Then read the list to yourself. Look at it. Do this every day for a week, a month, or a year. What would you say to a little girl who told you these things about herself? What would you feel for her?\n\n> 2\\. Read that same list to your therapist, a friend, or your partner. Let that person witness you and confirm that you are forgiven. Ask that person to tell you whatever you need to hear to feel supported in forgiving yourself.\n\n> 3\\. Write about what your sex life would be like if you were completely forgiven.\n\n> 4\\. The following exercise can help you increase your tolerance for intimacy with a partner:\n>\n>> a. Sit in a comfortable position, facing your partner. Sit upright so that you are alert. Breathe down into your belly, letting the air fill your belly and chest. Look into your partner's face and eyes. Continue to breathe. Notice what happens in your body. Sit in your own experience while being connected with your partner. Try not to be in your partner's experience, attempting to figure out what he or she is feeling. Be in your body.\n>\n>> b. After three minutes, each of you can tell the other what you notice in your body. What sensations are there? Were you able to stay present? Where did you float off to? And when?\n>\n>> c. Then gaze at each other for another three minutes. What is different now? What do you notice?\n>\n>> d. Talk about the experience.\n>\n>> e. If you want to up the ante, try doing this exercise while nude.\n"}
{"input": "  Write a new chapter titled \"Partnering with Survivors of Sexual Abuse\" that focuses on providing guidance and support to partners of survivors. The chapter should offer advice on how partners can best support their loved ones in their healing process, as well as how to take care of their own emotional needs. Topics to cover may include communication, trust, patience, empathy, and self-care. Encourage partners to seek out their own support network, such as therapists or support groups, to help them navigate this difficult journey.", "response": "\n\nchapter seventeen\n\nPartnering with Survivors of Sexual Abuse\n"}
{"input": "   Write a section titled \"It's Not Your Fault\" for the chapter \"Partnering with Survivors of Sexual Abuse\". This section should address the common misconception among partners that they are responsible for the emotional pain their lover experiences during the healing process. Explain that the feelings associated with the trauma were already present and that triggers can be unavoidable.\n\nEmphasize that the pain of recovery is essential to healing and that suppressing one's own emotions and communications to avoid triggering the survivor is not a healthy solution. Encourage partners to treat their lovers with care, dignity, and empowerment, reminding them that they can support their lover but cannot fix them or make the effects of the abuse go away.\n\nEnd the section by explaining the importance of being a witness to the survivor's story and offering a safe and supportive space for them to share their experiences.", "response": "\n\n#  It's Not Your Fault\n\nOne of the most difficult things for partners is remembering that your lover's pain is not your fault. When you are in it for the long haul with someone healing from childhood sexual abuse, her pain will come out around you and at you. You can count on it. When your lover gets upset during sex, you may feel tempted to take responsibility. You may think you triggered her, and that she wouldn't be in pain if you hadn't said X or if you hadn't done Y. Not true. Even if something you said or did triggered her, the feelings that emerged were there, waiting to come out. They were her feelings.\n\nUnderstandably, you don't want your lover to be in emotional pain. The pain of recovery is essential to healing, though. You can't heal from childhood sexual abuse without feeling the emotions associated with the trauma.\n\nAs a partner of a survivor, be aware of the inclination to suppress your own emotions and communications to avoid triggering her. Although editing your thoughts, feelings, desires, and speech may help her sidestep short-term pain, it is a setup for both of you. What you do or say may, in fact, trigger her, but she can handle it. Even in her moments of greatest emotional turmoil, don't overlook her courage and empowerment. Treat her with care and with dignity. Avoiding triggers is not any healthier for you than it is for her!\n\nYou can support your lover, but you can't fix her or make the effects of the abuse go away. Over and over again, I have heard survivors say that what they want most is a witness, someone who is willing and able to sit with them in their story. If you can offer this, you are giving your partner a priceless gift.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"No Saviors, No Patients\" for the chapter \"Partnering with Survivors of Sexual Abuse\". This section should address the common tendency for partners to see themselves as saviors and their lovers as patients in need of rescue. Explain that these roles are ultimately disempowering for both parties and that the lover is not broken or hurt, but rather a courageous individual engaging in the healing process.\n\nEncourage the reader to educate themselves about childhood sexual abuse, its patterns, experiences of survivors, and the recovery process through books like \"The Courage to Heal\" by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis and \"Trauma and Recovery\" by Judith Lewis Herman. Explain that being informed makes it easier to avoid pitfalls such as savior/patient roles.\n\nEmphasize the importance of viewing each other as whole human beings and practice expressing appreciation and acknowledging the wholeness, vulnerability, and innate sense of power or wisdom in each other. Remind the reader that there is no need for saviors or patients in this healing journey and to give themselves credit for their commitment and perseverance.", "response": "\n\n#  No Saviors, No Patients\n\nYou are not a savior, and your lover is not a patient. Your lover is not broken or hurt, and it is not your job to rescue her. When partners get stuck in savior/patient roles, they are both ultimately disempowered. The truth is, you are both incredibly courageous to be engaging in the healing of abuse. So many survivors and partners stay in denial about it instead. Acknowledge yourselves and each other for this.\n\nIt will help you to learn something about childhood sexual abuse. The patterns of abuse, experiences of survivors, and recovery process are fairly well mapped out in books like The Courage to Heal by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis and Trauma and Recovery by Judith Lewis Herman. It's much easier to avoid pitfalls such as savior/patient roles when you know what's going on.\n\nPractice viewing each other as whole human beings. Tell each other regularly what you appreciate about the other. Talk about the wholeness, vulnerability, and innate sense of power or wisdom you see in each other. Give yourself lots of kudos for hanging in there. No patients or saviors are needed here.\n"}
{"input": "  Write a section titled \"Take Care of Yourself\" for the chapter \"Partnering with Survivors of Sexual Abuse\". This section should emphasize the importance of partners attending to their own needs and avoiding the common pitfall of giving to the point of depletion. \n\nExplain that while incest and childhood sexual abuse are horrific and may seem like an ongoing crisis, if the survivor is no longer in imminent danger, the emergency phase has ended. Healing takes time and may last for years or even be a lifelong process, but the survivor's abuse issues will gradually take up less space in their life. Recovery can be both challenging and rewarding, and childhood sexual abuse and its implications will be a part of the relationship if the partner is involved with a survivor.\n\nEncourage the reader to seek support for themselves, whether from friends, a counselor, or books like \"Allies in Healing\" by Laura Davis. Make sure any support system is knowledgeable about the process of healing from childhood sexual abuse.\n\nFinally, remind the reader to continue participating in activities that bring joy and meaning to their life. Whether it's pursuing a hobby, creating art, playing sports, or spending time with friends, engaging in such activities will provide balance and renewal and help bring happiness to their relationship.", "response": "\n\n#  Take Care of Yourself\n\nAs a partner of a survivor, you need to be very attentive to your own needs. An often-made mistake for partners of survivors is giving to the point of depletion because the situation seems to call for it. Learning to recognize, negotiate, and care for your needs will serve (and potentially save) your relationship.\n\nIncest and childhood sexual abuse is horrible, and in many ways it is a personal and social crisis. Yet if the survivor is out of immediate danger, the emergency is over. The healing process takes time. From the initial \"crisis stage,\" when she begins to face the effects of the abuse, you can count on at least two years of focused healing before things stabilize. Recovery from childhood sexual abuse takes a long time (some would say it is a lifelong process), but over time her abuse issues will take up less and less space in her life. If you are involved with a survivor, childhood sexual abuse and its implications will be a part of your relationship. This path can be both arduous and deeply beautiful.\n\nConsider getting support for yourself as well. You can turn to friends or a counselor\u2014just make sure they are educated about the process of healing from childhood sexual abuse. Books like Allies in Healing by Laura Davis can also help.\n\nContinue to do the things that you enjoy. Whether you pursue a hobby, create art, play sports, or hang out with your friends, make time for the things that give your life meaning. This will be a place of balance and renewal for you, and help bring joy to your relationship.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Expand Your Sexual Repertoire\" for the chapter \"Partnering with Survivors of Sexual Abuse\". Explain that dealing with aspects of a survivor's healing during sex can be challenging, but it can also be a powerful way to build intimacy and trust. Encourage the reader to see sexual healing as an opportunity for personal growth and development.\n\nPoint out that society is sex-negative, and that everyone could benefit from sexual healing and learning more about sex. Ask the reader to consider how they would like to grow sexually and develop their capacity for intimacy.\n\nWarn the reader not to build a sex life around triggers. Both partners will need to learn to tolerate a range of emotions, including pain, as part of the healing process. Emphasize that fear and pain should be viewed as part of the healing, not something to be avoided. Encourage the reader to express their full sexuality, even if it is not currently possible. Suggest reading chapter 11 on triggers with their partner and designing a trigger plan for their sex life.\n\nAddress the possibility that partners may have different sexual needs and desires, and that the survivor may not always be the one who does not want to have sex. Offer guidance on how to negotiate breaks from sex and commit to healing work during that time.\n\nDiscuss the fact that the survivor's sexuality will evolve as they heal, and that the reader may feel like they have a new partner. Encourage the reader to be patient, creative, and open to learning together.\n\nFinally, recommend using the \"Yes,\" \"No,\" \"Maybe\" exercise from chapter 2 to come up with a repertoire of sensual and sexual expressions that are interesting to both partners. Suggest exploring likes, dislikes, and possible new explorations, and expanding the range of what is considered pleasurable and erotic. Encourage the reader to move away from the idea that their previous sexual experiences are the only ones that count.", "response": "\n\n#  Expand Your Sexual Repertoire\n\nAspects of your lover's healing naturally will emerge in sex. While this can be trying, it can also be a powerful way to build intimacy. By sharing your deep, shadow places you can build incredible trust. Sexual healing can be a great opportunity for you to grow and develop sexually, too.\n\nWe live in a sex-negative culture. We all could benefit from some sexual healing. At the very least, we all could learn more about sex. In what ways would you like to grow sexually? How would you like to develop your capacity for intimacy?\n\nAlthough you may be tempted, don't build a sex life around triggers. Both you and your survivor partner will need to learn to tolerate a full range of emotions, including the pain that is a part of this recovery. Think of the fear and pain as healing, not as something to be avoided. Keep coming back to expressing your full sexuality. This may not be possible at the moment, but it is the ultimate intention of recovery. Read chapter 11 on triggers with your partner, and design a trigger plan for your sex life.\n\nYou and your partner may have different sexual needs and desires. Contrary to what you might expect, it is not always the case that the survivor doesn't want to have sex. You may want a break from sex. If one of you does not want to be sexual, negotiate this clearly. Do you want to take a three-week break? A three-month break? What types of healing work can you commit to in the meantime? When will you reassess your agreement?\n\nAs your lover heals, she will change. Her sexuality will evolve. You may feel as if you have a new sexual partner on your hands. Give yourself time to adjust. Be creative. How can you invent sexual experiences that work for both of you? How can you both use this as a time to grow sexually? How can you learn together?\n\nUse the \"Yes,\" \"No,\" \"Maybe\" exercise in chapter 2 to come up with a repertoire of sensual and sexual expressions that are interesting to both of you. Explore your lists of likes, dislikes, and possible new explorations. Expand your range of what you consider pleasurable and erotic. Get away from the idea that the way you used to have sex is the only way that counts.\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"You Get to Change, Too\" for the chapter \"Partnering with Survivors of Sexual Abuse\". Emphasize that when a partner is healing sexually, the other partner also undergoes changes. Explain that the partner inherits their lover's history and recovery process, and may question their basic beliefs about people and societies due to a close-up look at the harm humans can inflict on each other.\n\nDescribe the stages partners may go through, such as denial, shock, feeling, and integrating the trauma. It is normal for partners to feel angry at those who harmed their loved one and to grieve the losses they have suffered due to the abuse.\n\nPoint out that sharing this time with a lover can have an uncanny way of exposing one's own ghosts. The reader may find themselves rehashing old wounds or confronting issues they thought they had successfully avoided. Encourage the reader and their partner to learn together and consider what it would be like for both to be fully embodied, emotionally flexible, and sexually expressed.", "response": "\n\n#  You Get to Change, Too\n\nWhen your partner is healing sexually, you change, too. In a way, you inherit her history and her recovery process. You'll get a close-up look at what human beings can do to each other. This may call into question your basic beliefs about people and societies. How could this happen? Why is this still happening? What can I do? Partners go through their own stages of denial, shock, feeling, and integrating the trauma. It is normal to get angry at those who harmed your partner and to grieve the losses she has suffered as a result of the abuse.\n\nSharing this time with your lover can have an uncanny way of exposing your own ghosts. You may find yourself rehashing old wounds or coming up against issues you thought you had successfully avoided. Your lover and you can learn much together. What would it be like for both of you to be fully embodied, emotionally flexible, and sexually expressed?\n"}
{"input": " Write a section titled \"Survivors as Partners\" for the chapter \"Navigating Relationships After Sexual Abuse\". Discuss the unique benefits and challenges of being in a relationship with another survivor of childhood sexual abuse.\n\nDetail the challenges, which include setting appropriate boundaries and building self-referential lives. Explain that while it's beneficial to be understood, the lines between each person's experiences can become blurred. Encourage the reader to focus on their own healing and let their partner take full responsibility for theirs, without pushing their partner to take the same path to healing.\n\nHighlight the benefits, such as a deep understanding between partners, with less need for explanation. Point out that both partners will be familiar with the intricacies of abuse and healing, and can support each other in committing to recovery. Encourage the reader to share the healing process with their partner in various ways.", "response": "\n\n#  Survivors as Partners\n\nYou may both be survivors of childhood sexual abuse. As you might suspect, there are unique benefits and challenges to this.\n\nThe challenges come in having appropriate boundaries and building self-referential lives. While it's great to be understood, the lines between whose stuff is whose can get blurry. The best bet is to focus on and take full responsibility for your own healing. Let your partner take full responsibility for his or hers. Do not push your partner to take your path to healing. Your road is yours only.\n\nThe benefit is, of course, a great understanding. There is so much you do not have to explain. You'll both be familiar with the intricacies of abuse and healing. You can support each other in committing to each other's recovery, and you can share the process in many ways.\n"}
{"input": "  Create a section titled \"Sex Guide Exercises\" for the chapter \"Navigating Relationships After Sexual Abuse\". Include the following exercises:\n\n1. For those who feel responsible for their lover's triggers and emotions, write an exercise that encourages the reader to differentiate between their own behaviors and intentions and those of the people who harmed their partner. Have the reader ask themselves if their partner's feelings are about them or about the abusers.\n\n2. Suggest an exercise where the reader sits down with their partner to discuss their commitment to sexual healing and to each other. Have them explore why they want to heal sexually, why they want to go through this process together, what they stand to gain, and how this process might change them for the better. Ask them to consider what parts of themselves or their relationship they might need to leave behind.\n\n3. Write an exercise where the reader practices appreciating their partner. Have the reader and their partner sit facing each other, take turns expressing what they love and cherish about the other for three minutes. Encourage the listener to relax and let the appreciation sink in as a sign of respect.\n\n4. Recommend an exercise where the reader makes a pleasure date with their partner. Encourage the reader to take a break from emotional issues and healing, and to focus on having fun together. Suggest simple activities like taking a walk, going to a movie, or working in the garden. Advise the reader to make this a regular practice throughout the sexual healing process.", "response": "\n\n#  Sex Guide Exercises\n\n> 1\\. If you are inclined to feel responsible for your lover's triggers and emotions, take a moment now to differentiate between your behaviors and intentions and those of the people who harmed her. Are her feelings about you or them?\n\n> 2\\. Sit down with your partner and talk about your commitment to sexual healing and to each other. Why heal sexually, anyway? Why go through this together? What do we have to gain? How might this process change us for the better? What parts of ourselves or our relationship might we have to leave behind?\n\n> 3\\. Take a few minutes each week to practice appreciating your partner. Sit comfortably, facing your partner. Settle into your body. Practice your emotional sourcing. Find that place in you that makes you feel grounded and at peace. For three minutes, tell your partner what you love and cherish about her. What are her virtues? When the three minutes are up, you can switch, and your partner can tell you what she loves and cherishes about you. As you listen to her appreciation, relax. Letting her appreciation really sink in shows your partner respect.\n\n> 4\\. Make a pleasure date with your partner. Take a break from emotional issues and healing, and focus on having fun. You could do something together as simple as taking a walk, going to a movie, or working in the garden. Settle into being together and enjoying time with each other. Keep this as a regular practice throughout the sexual healing process.\n"}
{"input": " Create a chapter titled \"Your Powerful Sexual Self: Who Are You Becoming?\" for the book \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\". Include the following points:\n\n1. Emphasize that visions of the reader's future sexual identity will change and grow over time as they progress in healing.\n\n2. Ask the reader what their empowered sexual self looks, sounds, and feels like, and what a compelling sex life would look like to them.\n\n3. Encourage the reader to develop interim goals for themselves, such as staying present during masturbation or sex, learning how they dissociate during sex, and catching themselves sooner.\n\n4. Remind the reader to acknowledge and celebrate their successes along the way.\n\n5. Advise the reader to let themselves be a novice and to practice freely, without fear of making mistakes.\n\n6. Suggest that the reader creates three visions of who they want to become sexually. Remind the reader that these visions will change over time as they grow.\n\n7. Provide examples of visions from workshop participants, such as becoming an embodied, powerful, or intimate sexual partner.\n\n8. Encourage the reader to consider questions such as whether they are embodied in their visions, how they embody their sexuality, how they feel about their body, who their partner(s) are, if there is a spiritual component to their sexuality, what type of intensity they like sexually, and what kind of sex they like.\n\n9. Advise the reader to create an external representation of their vision, using a journal, a collage, or another creative medium, and to display it where they can see it regularly.\n\n10. Encourage the reader to consider the path their future self took to become who they are, and to keep this vision in their thoughts.", "response": "\n\nchapter eighteen\n\nYour Powerful Sexual Self: Who Are You Becoming?\n\nVisions of where we are going are always out in front of us. As we attain one goal, a new one stretches ahead to draw us onward. As you progress in healing, your ideas about your new sexuality will change. A new dream may emerge. Or you may realize midstream that what you thought you wanted isn't really what you want anymore. Your vision will change and grow over time.\n\nWhat will your empowered sexual self look, sound, and feel like?\n\nYou may take for granted that sex is a normal and healthy part of being human. You could be embodied and at choice sexually, knowing and practicing healthful boundaries. You may be able to communicate your desires and fantasies to your partners. Ideally, you will practice safer sex; you may even practice sacred sex. You could be self-referential in your sexuality, while honoring your connections with others. You may become comfortable with the contradictory nature of sex and come to accept your own sexual evolution\u2014all of it, both the pleasure and the pain. It is up to you. What would a compelling sex life look like to you? Who do you want to become sexually?\n\nAlong the way, develop some interim goals for yourself. Maybe your dream is to become fully embodied sexually. You may have just begun to feel your body. An interim goal might be staying present while masturbating or staying present in one part of your body while you are having sex with a partner. You can set the goal of learning how you dissociate during sex and catching yourself sooner. Build lots of acknowledgment and successes into your journey.\n\nHow far in the future do you see yourself reaching your goals? How much of your sexuality resembles your vision already? What are the immediate next steps on the road to your vision? What can you do today? Tomorrow? Next week?\n\nLet yourself be a novice. You are an apprentice, a trainee on your way to becoming the woman of your vision. Learning anything new takes practice. You'll need lots of freedom to make mistakes.\n\nIn developing a vision for your sexual healing, remember that yours will be a dynamic vision. It will change over time as you grow. You do not need rigid goals or trials that you can fail. You need a vision of your empowered sexual self that will serve as a source of encouragement, a reminder of your desires and your ability to grow and expand.\n\nIn my sexual healing workshops, I ask participants to create three visions of who they want to become sexually. If you had three full lives to live, and each could express a different sexual self, what would those sexualities be? Imagining three lives, rather than one, helps to get around the self-censors that tell us who we are \"allowed\" to become sexually\u2014as well as the little voice that tells us our dreams are impossible. Creating three visions can also help you notice patterns in your desires. You may find that there is one form of sexual expression that comes up repeatedly. This is a strong desire, one worth paying attention to.\n\n> Your Powerful Sexual Self\n> \n> Following is a sampling of visions from workshop participants:\n>\n>>   \n> \n> \n> I am my sexuality and it is me. It isn't something split off from me any longer. There is not a lot of difference between my sexual energy and my life energy. This doesn't mean everything is sexualized, rather, everything is erotic and alive with a kind of vitality. My integrated sensual and sexual energy feeds my whole life. Sometimes I also want a break from sex. I don't want to share that energy with others. I want to pull it into myself, and sit quietly with it. It feels very peaceful.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> I want to become an S/M top. I am intrigued and excited. The woman I want to become is powerful in her sexuality and awake. She dreams with other people about desire and pushing the edge, and then makes those dreams a reality. She is gentle in a very deep way. Not careful\u2014bold. She reveals herself deeply and is willing to be vulnerable and naked in her desires. She is not afraid to go into the reaches of sex and sexuality. She is very clear with boundaries and has intimacy and a lot of play in her life. She is sexy, too.\n> \n>   \n> \n> \n> I envision a life with a committed sexual partner, a woman. We share deeply and use sex as a way to grow. I will be scared sometimes about intimacy and how deep I can go, but I will not retreat. I'll use intimacy as a place to heal. I will learn about loss, joy, grief, birth, death, and change in sex and intimacy. I don't know how to explain it that well, but it's like taking the risk over and over again to be close with myself and close with her. Sometimes it will be easy and sometimes it will be hard, but I'll show up. This is the sexuality I want.\n\nBe creative and outrageous. Once you have created your three visions, consider the following questions: In your visions of yourself, are you embodied? How do you embody your sexuality? How do you feel about your body? Who are your partner(s)? Is there a spiritual component to your sexuality? If so, what is it? What type of intensity do you like sexually? What kind of sex do you like? What are your powers and virtues? Does your sex life feed energy into other parts of your life?\n\nYou can write about your new sexual self in a journal or create a collage or other art piece to depict it. The more creativity you bring to this exercise, the better. Whatever medium you choose, create an external representation of your vision so that it can exist outside of your own thoughts. Display your creation where you can see it regularly. This can help keep you oriented toward your dreams.\n\nTake a look at the woman you wish to become. How did she get to be who she is? What was her path? Keep her in your thoughts. She will have plenty to tell you.\n"}
{"input": " Create a comprehensive bibliography for the book \"The Survivor's Guide to Sex\" that includes the following categories:\n\n1. Recovery and Support: List books focused on the recovery process for survivors of sexual abuse. Include both fiction and nonfiction works.\n\n   Examples: Beginning to Heal: A First Book for Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis, The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis, and Healing Your Sexual Self by Janet G. Woititz.\n\n2. Research and Politics: Provide books that delve into the research and political aspects of child sexual abuse.\n\n   Examples: The Assault on Truth: Freud's Suppression of the Seduction Theory by Jeffrey Moussaief Masson and Trauma and Recovery by Judith Lewis Herman, M.D.\n\n3. Poetry, Fiction, and Survivor's Stories: Include poetry collections, novels, and personal stories from survivors of sexual abuse.\n\n   Examples: Bastard Out of Carolina by Dorothy Allison and I Never Told Anyone: Writings by Women Survivors of Sexual Abuse edited by Ellen Bass and Louise Thornton.\n\nFor each book, provide the title, author, and publication information, including the publisher and publication date. Present the bibliography in an organized and easy-to-read format.", "response": "\n\n##  Books\n\nRECOVERY AND SUPPORT\n\n  \n\n\nBeginning to Heal: A First Book for Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis (HarperCollins, 1993).\n\n  \n\n\nBreaking Ritual Silence: An Anthology of Ritual Abuse Survivor's Stories edited by Jeanne Marie Lorena and Paula Levy (Trout and Sons, Inc., 1998).\n\n  \n\n\nCourage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis (Harperperennial, 1988, 1994). A comprehensive and thorough guide to the process of healing. Includes an excellent and extensive resource section.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Courage to Heal Workbook by Laura Davis (HarperCollins, 1990).\n\n  \n\n\nCrossing the Boundary: Black Women Survive Incest by Melba Wilson (Seal Press, 1993).\n\n  \n\n\nGetting Home Alive by Aurora Levins Morales and Rosario Morales (Firebrand Books, 1986).\n\n  \n\n\nHealing Your Sexual Self by Janet G. Woititz (Health Communications, Inc., 1989).\n\n  \n\n\nIncest and Sexuality: A Guide to Understanding and Healing by Wendy Maltz and Beverly Holman (Lexington Books, 1987).\n\n  \n\n\nRepressed Memories: A Journey to Recovery from Sexual Abuse by Renee Fredrickson (Simon and Schuster, 1992).\n\n  \n\n\nSafe Passage to Healing by Chrystine Oksana (Harper Perennial, 1994). A recovery guide for survivors of ritual abuse.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Sexual Healing Journey by Wendy Maltz (HarperCollins, 1991).\n\n  \n\n\nShining Through: Pulling It Together by Bailey Leslie Wright and Mindy B. Loiselle (Safer Society Press, 1994).\n\n  \n\n\nSoul Survivors: A New Beginning for Adults Abused as Children by Patrick J. Gannon (Prentice Hall, 1989).\n\n  \n\n\nStrong at the Broken Places: Overcoming the Trauma of Childhood Abuse by Linda Sanford (Random House, 1990).\n\n  \n\n\nWhen You're Ready: A Woman's Guide to Healing from Childhood Physical and Sexual Abuse by Her Mother by Kathy Evert and Inie Bijkerk (Launch Press, 1987).\n\n  \n\n\nWomen's Bodies, Women's Wisdom: Creating Physical and Emotional Health and Healing by Christiane Northrup, M.D. (Bantam Books, 1994, 1995).\n\n  \n\n\nWomen's Sexuality After Childhood Incest by Elaine Westerlund (W.W. Norton, 1992).\n\n  \n\n\nRESEARCH AND POLITICS\n\n  \n\n\nThe Assault on Truth: Freud's Suppression of the Seduction Theory by Jeffrey Moussaief Masson (Farrar, Strauss, Giroux, 1984).\n\n  \n\n\nBetrayal Trauma: The Logic of Forgetting Childhood Abuse by Jennifer Freyd (Harvard University Press, 1998).\n\n  \n\n\nThe Body in Pain: The Making and Unmaking of the World by Elaine Scarry (Oxford Press, 1986).\n\n  \n\n\nBorderlands, La Frontera: The New Mestiza by Gloria Anzaldua (Aunt Lute, 1987).\n\n  \n\n\nConspiracy of Silence: The Trauma of Incest by Sandra Butler (Bantam Books, 1978, 1985).\n\n  \n\n\nFemale Sexual Offenders: An Exploratory Study by Ruth Matthews, Jane Kinder Matthews and Kathleen Speltz (Safer Society Press, 1989).\n\n  \n\n\nA Gathering of Spirit: Writing and Art by North American Indian Women edited by Beth Brant (Sinister Wisdom Books, 1984).\n\n  \n\n\nThe Hite Report: Growing Up Under Patriarchy by Shere Hite (Grove Press, 1994).\n\n  \n\n\nHome Front: Notes from the Family War Zone by Louise Armstrong (McGraw-Hill, 1984).\n\n  \n\n\nIncest: The Whole Story by Heidi Vanderbilt (Ballantine Books, 1994).\n\n  \n\n\nMaking Face, Making Soul, Haciendo Caras: Creative and Critical Perspectives by Women of Color edited by Gloria Anzaldua (Aunt Lute, 1990). Medicine Stories: History, Culture and the Politics of Integrity by Aurora Levins Morales (South End Press, 1998).\n\n  \n\n\nPreventing Child Sexual Abuse: Sharing the Responsibility by Sandy K. Wurtele and Cindy L. Miller-Perrin (University of Nebraska Press, 1992).\n\n  \n\n\nRitual Abuse: Definitions, Glossary, The Use of Mind Control (Los Angeles County Commission for Women, 1989).\n\n  \n\n\nRocking the Cradle of Sexual Politics: What Happened When Women Said Incest by Louise Armstrong (Addison-Wesley Publishing Company, 1994).\n\n  \n\n\nSexual Abuse in Nine North American Cultures edited by Lisa Aronson Fontes (Sage Press, 1995). A guide to treatment and prevention of child sexual abuse in diverse North American cultures.\n\n  \n\n\nSibling Abuse: Hidden Physical, Emotional and Sexual Trauma by Vernon Wiehe (Sage Press, 1997).\n\n  \n\n\nA Sourcebook on Child Sexual Abuse by David Finkelhor and Associates (Sage Press, 1986).\n\n  \n\n\nThou Shalt Not Be Aware: Society's Betrayal of the Child by Alice Miller (Meridian, 1986). Originally published in German as Du Dollst Nicht Merken, 1981.\n\n  \n\n\nTrauma and Recovery by Judith Lewis Herman, M.D. (Basic Books/HarperCollins, 1992, 1997).\n\n  \n\n\nVirginia Woolf: The Impact of Child Sexual Abuse on Her Life and Work by Louise DeSalvo (Beacon Press, 1989).\n\n  \n\n\nPOETRY, FICTION AND SURVIVOR'S STORIES\n\n  \n\n\nBastard Out of Carolina by Dorothy Allison (Plume, 1992, 1993).\n\n  \n\n\nDaughters of Copper Woman by Anne Cameron (Press Gang Publishers, 1981).\n\n  \n\n\nDream Work by Mary Oliver (Atlantic Monthly Press, 1986).\n\n  \n\n\nI Never Told Anyone: Writings by Women Survivors of Sexual Abuse edited by Ellen Bass and Louise Thornton (HarperCollins, 1983, 1991).\n\n  \n\n\nNot Vanishing by Chrystos (Press Gang Publishers, 1988).\n\n  \n\n\nOur Stunning Harvest: Poems by Ellen Bass (New Society Publishers, 1985).\n\n  \n\n\nReturning to Herself: Poems of Restoration by Caryn StarDancer (H.P.L. Publishing, 1989).\n"}
{"input": " Create a resource list of magazines and newsletters related to child sexual abuse, recovery, and support for survivors. Include the following publications:\n\n1. Above and Beyond: Provide the mailing address for this publication.\nExample: P.O. Box 2672, Ann Arbor, MI 48106-2672\n\n2. The Chorus: Include the publisher (VOICES in Action) and mailing address for this newsletter.\nExample: P.O. Box 148309, Chicago, IL 60614\n\n3. The Healing Woman: Offer information about this international newsletter for women survivors of child sexual abuse, including the publisher (The Healing Woman Foundation, Inc.), mailing address, phone number, and website.\nExample: P.O. Box 28040, San Jose, CA 95159; Phone: (408)246-1788; Website: www.healingwoman.org\n\n4. National Resource Center on Child Sexual Abuse News: Provide the mailing address, phone number, and fax number for this resource center.\nExample: 2204 Whitesburg Drive, Suite 200, Huntsville, AL 35801; Phone: (205) 534-6868; Fax: (205) 534-6863\n\n5. Parent United Newsletter: Give the mailing address for this newsletter.\nExample: 232 E. Gish Road, San Jose, CA 95112\n\n6. Survivor Ship: A Forum on Survival of Ritual Abuse, Torture and Mind Control: Offer the mailing address and phone number for this forum.\nExample: 3181 Mission Street, #139, San Francisco, CA 94110; Phone: (707) 279-1209", "response": "\n\n##  Magazines And Newsletters\n\nAbove and Beyond\n\nP.O. Box 2672   \nAnn Arbor, MI 48106-2672\n\n  \n\n\nThe Chorus\n\nPublished by VOICES in Action\n\nP.O. Box 148309   \nChicago, IL 60614\n\n  \n\n\nThe Healing Woman   \nPublished by The Healing Woman   \nFoundation, Inc. An internationally   \ndistributed newsletter for women survivors of   \nchild sexual abuse, \"a community in print.\"\n\nP.O. Box 28040   \nSan Jose, CA 95159   \n(408)246-1788   \nwww.healingwoman.org\n\n  \n\n\nNational Resource Center   \non Child Sexual Abuse News\n\n2204 Whitesburg Drive, Suite 200,   \nHuntsville, AL 35801   \n(205) 534-6868   \nFax: (205) 534-6863\n\n  \n\n\nParent United Newsletter\n\n232 E. Gish Road   \nSan Jose, CA 95112\n\n  \n\n\nSurvivor Ship: A Forum on Survival of Ritual   \nAbuse, Torture and Mind Control\n\n3181 Mission Street, #139   \nSan Francisco, CA 94110   \n(707) 279-1209\n"}
{"input": " Create a list of websites that provide resources and information related to child sexual abuse, healing, and support for survivors. Include the following websites:\n\n1. Jim Hopper Child Sexual Abuse Resource Page: Offer a brief description of the site, including the target audience (men and women), types of information available (statistics on boys and girls, research, healing resources, and articles on abuse and abuse prevention), and the website URL.\nExample: www.jimhopper.com; A great resource page with information for men and women, statistics on boys and girls, and links to research, healing resources, and articles on abuse and abuse prevention.\n\n2. Sexual Assault Information Page: Provide a brief description of the site and its content, including the types of abuse covered and the number of links available, along with the website URL.\nExample: www.cs.utk.edu/~bartley/saInfoPage.html; Thousands of links to Web pages concerning rape, child sexual abuse, incest, ritual abuse, sexual assault, and sexual harassment.\n\n3. Princesses Haven: Give a brief description of the site, its target audience, and the resources it offers, as well as the website URL.\nExample: www.uq.net.au/~zzdmcint/; An Australian Web site for all little girls who have been hurt, focusing on multiple personality disorder (MPD) and dissociative identity disorder (DID). Offers graphics, links, writings, books, chat room, coping strategies, information, and resources.\n\n4. The Wounded Healer: Provide a brief description of the site, its purpose, and the resources it offers, along with the website URL.\nExample: idealist.com/wounded\\_healer/; A site for psychotherapists and other survivors of abuse in helping professions, offering support, resources, chat room, and an archive of articles.", "response": "\n\n##  Web Sites\n\nJim Hopper Child Sexual Abuse   \nResource Page   \nwww.jimhopper.com   \nThis is a great resource page with information   \nfor men and women, statistics on boys and   \ngirls, and links to research, healing resources,   \nand articles on abuse and abuse prevention.   \nJim Hopper's page will connect you to   \nnumerous other sites regarding child sexual   \nabuse. Not to be missed.\n\n  \n\n\nSexual Assault Information Page   \nwww.cs.utk.edu/~bartley/saInfoPage.html   \nThousands of links to Web pages concerning   \nrape, child sexual abuse, incest, ritual abuse,   \nsexual assault, and sexual harassment\n\n  \n\n\nPrincesses Haven   \nwww.uq.net.au/~zzdmcint/   \nAustralian Web site \"for all little girls who   \nhave been hurt.\" Focuses on multiple   \npersonality disorder (MPD) and dissociative   \nidentity disorder (DID). Graphics, links,   \nwritings, books, chat room, coping strategies,   \ninformation and resources.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Wounded Healer   \nidealist.com/wounded_healer/   \nSite for psychotherapists and other survivors   \nof abuse in helping professions. Support,   \nresources, chat room, and archive of articles. \n"}
{"input": " Create a comprehensive list of recovery resources, organizations, and hotlines related to child sexual abuse. Include the following entities:\n\n1. American Coalition for Abuse Awareness/One Voice: Provide a brief description of the organization, its mission, and the resources it offers, along with the contact information (mailing address, phone numbers, and email).\nExample: This national organization operates a phone line offering legal referrals and research information. Provides press kits on sexual abuse and memory. Maintains online resources lists, with the latest legal, research, public policy, and media articles regarding childhood sexual abuse and adult survivors. Contact information: 1835 K Street, N.W., Suite 960, Washington, D.C. 20006; Mailing address: P.O. Box 27958, Washington, D.C. 20038-7958; Resource line: (202) 667-1160; Voice: (202) 462-4688; Email: ACAADC@aol.com\n\n2. American Professional Society on the Abuse of Children (APSAC): Give a brief description of the organization, its purpose, and the resources it offers, along with the contact information (mailing address and phone number).\nExample: An interdisciplinary professional society for people working in the field of child abuse. Contact information: 332 S. Michigan Avenue, #1600, Chicago, IL 60604; Phone number: (312) 554-0166\n\n3. Association for Sexual Abuse Prevention (ASAP): Provide a brief description of the organization, its mission, and the resources it offers, along with the contact information (mailing address and phone number).\nExample: Dedicated to the prevention of child abuse. ASAP advocates for child sexual abuse victims, provides training for professionals, and networks with prevention programs. Contact information: P.O. Box 421, Kalamazoo, MI 49005; Phone number: (216) 221-6818\n\n4. CALICO Center: Offer a brief description of the organization, its purpose, and the resources it offers, along with the contact information (mailing address and phone number).\nExample: An interdisciplinary center designing new models for responding to children who have been physically and sexually abused. Contact information: 524 Estudillo Avenue, San Leandro, CA 94577; Phone number: (510) 895-0702\n\n5. The Child Sexual Abuse Strategic Action Project: Give a brief description of the organization, its mission, and the resources it offers, along with the contact information (mailing address and phone number).\nExample: Organizing to end the sexual abuse of children and empower adult survivors through community organizing and leadership training. Contact information: 584 Castro Street, PMB 640, San Francisco, CA 94114-2594; Phone number: (415) 285-6658\n\n6. Family Violence and Sexual Assault Institute (FVSAI): Provide a brief description of the organization, its purpose, and the resources it offers, along with the contact information (mailing address and phone number).\nExample: An excellent networking, education, and training clearinghouse. Contact information: 1310 Clinic Drive, Tyler, TX 75701; Phone number: (903) 595-6600\n\n7. Incest Survivors Resource Network International: Offer a brief description of the organization, its purpose, and the resources it offers, along with the contact information (mailing address and phone number).\nExample: An educational resource run by survivors. The phone line offers resources and networking for male survivors of mother-son incest. Contact information: P.O. Box 7375, Las Cruces, NM 88006-7375; Phone number: (505) 521-4260\n\n8. The Kempe Center (The C. Henry Kempe Center for the Prevention and Treatment of Child Abuse and Neglect): Give a brief description of the organization, its mission, and the resources it offers, along with the contact information (mailing address and phone number).\nExample: Nationally known institute. Offers model programs for treatment of children, offenders, and families. Resource library. Offers professional training. Contact information: 1205 Oneida Street, Denver, CO 80220; Phone number: (303) 321-3963\n\n9. National Child Abuse Hotline: Provide a brief description of the hotline, its purpose, and the resources it offers, along with the contact information (phone number).\nExample: A 24-hour child abuse hotline. Trained crisis counselors provide crisis intervention, information, and referrals. Phone number: (800) 4-A-CHILD\n\n10. National Children's Advocacy Center: Provide a brief description of the organization, its mission, and the resources it offers, along with the contact information (mailing address, phone number, and email).\nExample: Presents national conferences on child sexual assault. Contact information: 200 Westside Square, Suite 700, Huntsville, AL 35801; Phone number: (205) 534-1328; Fax: (205) 534-6883\n\n11. National Committee to Prevent Child Abuse: Give a brief description of the organization, its mission, and the resources it offers, along with the contact information (mailing address, phone number, and email).\nExample: Good prevention resources, conferences, and newsletter. Contact information: 332 S. Michigan Avenue, Suite 1600, Chicago, IL 60604; Web: <http://www.childabuse.org>\n\n12. Norma J. Morris Center: Provide a brief description of the organization, its purpose, and the resources it offers, along with the contact information (mailing address, phone number, and email).\nExample: A center for accessible healing for survivors of any form of child abuse. Their motto is prevention through healing. Contact information: PO Box 14038, San Francisco, CA 94114-0038; Phone number: (415) 452-1939; Fax: (415) 452-6253; Email: <www.ascasupport.org>\n\n13. Parents United International: Offer a brief description of the organization, its purpose, and the resources it offers, along with the contact information (mailing address and phone number).\nExample: The treatment program includes individual and group therapy as well as a guided self-help component. Treatment is available for survivors, non-offending parents, and offenders. Contact information: 232 Gish Road, San Jose, CA 95112; Phone number: (408) 453-7616, ext. 124\n\n14. RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network): Give a brief description of the organization, its mission, and the resources it offers, along with the contact information (mailing address, phone number, and email).\nExample: Started by songwriter Tori Amos. National hotline linked to rape crisis centers; refers callers to survivor resources for support. Contact information: 252 10th Street, N.E., Washington, DC 20002; Phone number: (800) 656-HOPE; Fax: (202) 544-1404\n\n15. Sage Publications, Inc.: Provide a brief description of the organization, its purpose, and the resources it offers, along with the contact information (mailing address and phone number).\nExample: Numerous publications on child abuse and prevention. Contact information: 2455 Teller Road, Thousand Oaks, CA 91320-2218; Phone number: (805) 499-9774; Fax: (805) 499-0871\n\n16. Santa Cruz Ritual Abuse Task Force: Offer a brief description of the organization, its purpose, and the resources it offers, along with the contact information (mailing address and phone number).\nExample: Resources for survivors and education for the public. Contact information: PO Box 1640, Santa Cruz, CA 95060-1640; Phone number: (408) 429-2322; Email: <members.cruzio.com/~ratf>\n\n17. Survivor Connections: Give a brief description of the organization, its mission, and the resources it offers, along with the contact information (mailing address and phone number).\nExample: An activist organization for survivors of clergy abuse and those who support them. Contact information: Frank and Sara Fitzpatrick, 52 Lyndon Road, Cranston, RI 02905-1121; Phone number: (401) 941-2548\n\n18. VOICES in Action, Inc.: Provide a brief description of the organization, its purpose, and the resources it offers, along with the contact information (mailing address and phone number).\nExample: A national network of incest survivors and supporters. Includes over a hundred special interest support groups. Contact information: P.O. Box 14830, Chicago, IL 60614; Phone number: (312) 327-1500; Toll-free number: (800) 786-4238\n\n19. Survivors Healing Center: Offer a brief description of the organization, its purpose, and the resources it offers, along with the contact information (mailing address and phone number).\nExample: Founded by Ellen Bass and Amy Pine, this center provides resources, classes, and healing support for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Contact information: 2301 Mission Street, Suite C-1, Santa Cruz, CA 95060; Phone number: (831) 423-7601\n\n20. Women's Center Incest Resources: Give a brief description of the organization, its mission, and the resources it offers, along with the contact information (mailing address and phone number).\nExample: The center provides resource materials and referrals for survivors and professionals. Also available are consultation, training, and therapy. Contact information: c/o Women's Center, 46 Pleasant Street, Cambridge, MA 02139", "response": "\n\n##  Recovery Resources, Organizations, and Hotlines\n\nAmerican Coalition for Abuse   \nAwareness/One Voice\n\nThis national organization operates a phone line offering legal referrals and research information. Provides press kits on sexual abuse and memory. Maintains online resources lists, with the latest legal, research, public policy and media articles regarding childhood sexual abuse and adult survivors.\n\n1835 K Street, N.W., Suite 960   \nWashington, D.C. 20006   \nMailing address: P.O. Box 27958   \nWashington, D.C. 20038-7958   \nResource line: (202) 667-1160   \nVoice: (202) 462-4688   \nACAADC@aol.com\n\n  \n\n\nAmerican Professional Society on the   \nAbuse of Children (APSAC)\n\nAn interdisciplinary professional society for people working in the field of child abuse.\n\n332 S. Michigan Avenue, #1600   \nChicago, IL 60604   \n(312) 554-0166\n\n  \n\n\nAssociation for Sexual Abuse Prevention (ASAP)\n\nDedicated to the prevention of child abuse. ASAP advocates for child sexual abuse victims, provides training for professionals, and networks with prevention programs.\n\nP.O. Box 421   \nKalamazoo, MI 49005   \n(216) 221-6818\n\n  \n\n\nCALICO Center\n\nInterdisciplinary center designing new models for responding to children who have been physically and sexually abused.\n\n524 Estudillo Avenue   \nSan Leandro, CA 94577   \n(510) 895-0702\n\n  \n\n\nThe Child Sexual Abuse   \nStrategic Action Project\n\nOrganizing to end the sexual abuse of children and empower adult survivors through community organizing and leadership training.\n\n584 Castro Street, PMB 640   \nSan Francisco, CA 94114-2594   \n(415) 285-6658\n\n  \n\n\nFamily Violence and Sexual Assault   \nInstitute (FVSAI)\n\nAn excellent networking, education and training clearinghouse.\n\n1310 Clinic Drive   \nTyler, TX 75701   \n(903) 595-6600\n\n  \n\n\nIncest Survivors Resource Network   \nInternational\n\nAn educational resource run by survivors. The phone line offers resources and networking for male survivors of mother-son incest.\n\nP.O. Box 7375   \nLas Cruces, NM 88006-7375   \n(505) 521-4260\n\n  \n\n\nThe Kempe Center   \n(The C. Henry Kempe Center for the   \nPrevention and Treatment of Child Abuse   \nand Neglect)\n\nNationally known institute. Offers model programs for treatment of children, offenders and families. Resource library. Offers professional training.\n\n1205 Oneida Street   \nDenver, CO 80220   \n(303) 321-3963\n\n  \n\n\nNational Child Abuse Hotline\n\nA 24-hour child abuse hotline. Trained crisis counselors provide crisis intervention, information and referrals. (800) 4-A-CHILD\n\n  \n\n\nNational Children's Advocacy Center\n\nPresents national conferences on child sexual assault.\n\n200 Westside Square, Suite 700   \nHuntsville, AL 35801   \n(205) 534-1328   \nFax: (205) 534-6883\n\n  \n\n\nNational Committee to Prevent Child Abuse\n\nGood prevention resources, conferences, and newsletter.\n\n332 S. Michigan Avenue, Suite 1600   \nChicago, IL 60604   \nweb: http//www.childabuse.org\n\n  \n\n\nNorma J. Morris Center\n\nA center for accessible healing for survivors of any form of child abuse. Their motto is prevention through healing.\n\nPO Box 14038   \nSan Francisco, CA 94114-0038   \n(415) 452-1939   \nFax: (415) 452-6253   \nwww.ascasupport.org\n\n  \n\n\nParents United International\n\nThe treatment program includes individual and group therapy as well as a guided self-help component. Treatment is available for survivors, non-offending parents, and offenders.\n\n232 Gish Road   \nSan Jose, CA 95112   \n(408) 453-7616, ext. 124\n\n  \n\n\nRAINN\n\nRape, Abuse and Incest National Network\n\nStarted by songwriter Tori Amos. National hotline linked to rape crisis centers; refers callers to survivor resources for support.\n\n252 10th Street, N.E.   \nWashington, DC 20002   \n(800) 656-HOPE   \nFax: (202) 544-1404\n\n  \n\n\nSage Publications, Inc.\n\nNumerous publications on child abuse and prevention.\n\n2455 Teller Road   \nThousand Oaks, CA 91320-2218   \n(805) 499-9774   \nFax: (805) 499-0871\n\n  \n\n\nSanta Cruz Ritual Abuse Task Force\n\nResources for survivors and education for the public.\n\nPO Box 1640   \nSanta Cruz, CA 95060-1640   \n(408) 429-2322   \nmembers.cruzio.com/~ratf\n\n  \n\n\nSurvivor Connections\n\nAn activist organization for survivors of clergy abuse and those who support them.\n\nFrank and Sara Fitzpatrick   \n52 Lyndon Road   \nCranston, RI 02905-1121   \n(401) 941-2548\n\n  \n\n\nVOICES in Action, Inc.\n\nA national network of incest survivors and supporters. Includes over a hundred special interest support groups.\n\nP.O. Box 14830   \nChicago, IL 60614   \n(312) 327-1500   \n(800) 786-4238\n\n  \n\n\nSurvivors Healing Center\n\nFounded by Ellen Bass and Amy Pine, this center provides resources, classes, and healing support for survivors of childhood sexual abuse.\n\n2301 Mission Street, Suite C-1   \nSanta Cruz, CA 95060   \n(831) 423-7601\n\n  \n\n\nWomen's Center Incest Resources\n\nThe center provides resource materials and referrals for survivors and professionals. Also available are consultation, training, and therapy.\n\nc/o Women's Center   \n46 Pleasant Street   \nCambridge, MA 02139\n"}
{"input": " Write a list of books related to relationships, commitment, and love, focusing on different types of couples, including heterosexual, lesbian, and gay. Include the following books:\n\n1. Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment by Gay Hendricks, Ph.D. and Kathlyn Hendricks, Ph.D. (Bantam Books, 1990): Provide a brief description or summary of the book and its relevance to relationships.\nExample: A book that explores the journey of co-commitment in relationships, offering insights and practices for building a strong emotional connection and overcoming challenges.\n\n2. Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. (Henry Holt and Company, 1988): Provide a brief description or summary of the book and its relevance to relationships.\nExample: A self-help guide for couples that focuses on identifying and understanding each partner's emotional needs and learning effective communication skills to create a more fulfilling relationship.\n\n3. Lesbian Couples: Creating Healthy Relationships for the 90s by D. Merilee Clunis (Seal Press, 1993): Provide a brief description or summary of the book and its relevance to lesbian couples.\nExample: A guide specifically tailored to the unique experiences of lesbian couples, offering strategies for building healthy relationships and addressing common challenges.\n\n4. The Lesbian and Gay Book of Love and Marriage: Creating the Stories of Our Lives by Paula Martinac (Broadway Books, 1998): Provide a brief description or summary of the book and its relevance to lesbian and gay couples.\nExample: A resource for lesbian and gay couples that explores the unique aspects of their relationships, including the legal, social, and emotional considerations.\n\n5. The Passionate Marriage: Sex, Love, and Intimacy in Emotionally Committed Relationships by David Schnarch, Ph.D. (W.W. Norton and Company, 1997): Provide a brief description or summary of the book and its relevance to relationships.\nExample: A guide to maintaining passion, intimacy, and emotional connection in long-term relationships, offering practical advice and exercises to help couples deepen their connection and enhance their sexual experiences.", "response": "\n\n##  Books\n\nConscious Loving:\n\nThe Journey to Co-Commitment by Gay Hendricks, Ph.D. and Kathlyn Hendricks, Ph.D. (Bantam Books, 1990).\n\n  \n\n\nGetting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. (Henry Holt andCompany, 1988).\n\n  \n\n\nLesbian Couples: Creating Healthy Relationships for the 90s by D. Merilee Clunis (Seal Press, 1993).\n\n  \n\n\nThe Lesbian and Gay Book of Love and Marriage: Creating the Stories of Our Lives by Paula Martinac (Broadway Books, 1998).\n\n  \n\n\nThe Passionate Marriage: Sex, Love and Intimacy in Emotionally Committed Relationships by David Schnarch, Ph.D. (W.W. Norton and Co., 1997).\n"}
{"input": " Write a list of recovery resources, organizations, and hotlines related to various forms of addiction, substance abuse, and mental health issues. Include the following resources:\n\n1. Alcoholics Anonymous: Provide the contact information, including the address, phone number, and website for the organization dedicated to helping people recover from alcoholism using the Twelve-Step program.\nExample: An international organization that offers a Twelve-Step program to help individuals struggling with alcoholism achieve and maintain sobriety.\n\n2. Al-Anon Family Groups: Provide the contact information, including the address, phone number, email address, and website for the organization that offers support to family members of alcoholics.\nExample: A worldwide fellowship that offers support to friends and family members of people affected by alcoholism, using the Twelve-Step program to help them cope with the challenges of living with an alcoholic.\n\n3. Center for Sexual Abuse Treatment: Include the name of the organization that provides resources and referrals to treatment programs for sexual abuse survivors.\nExample: A treatment center that offers specialized therapy and support for individuals who have experienced sexual abuse, helping them recover and heal from trauma.\n\n4. National Drug Abuse Hotline: Include the name and contact number for the hotline that provides referrals to treatment programs for drug abuse.\nExample: A national hotline that offers information and resources for individuals struggling with drug addiction, providing referrals to appropriate treatment programs.\n\n5. Debtors Anonymous: Provide the contact information, including the address, phone number, email address, and website for the Twelve-Step program for people with debting and spending problems.\nExample: A fellowship that offers a Twelve-Step program to help individuals address and overcome their problems with debt and compulsive spending.\n\n6. Narcotics Anonymous: Provide the contact information, including the address, phone number, fax number, and website for the Twelve-Step program for people in recovery from drug addiction.\nExample: An international organization that offers a Twelve-Step program to help individuals struggling with drug addiction achieve and maintain sobriety.\n\n7. Overeaters Anonymous: Provide the contact information, including the address, phone number, fax number, and website for the Twelve-Step program for people in recovery from compulsive overeating.\nExample: A fellowship that offers a Twelve-Step program to help individuals address and overcome their problems with compulsive eating and food addiction.\n\n8. Recovery Systems, Inc.: Include the name and contact information for the organization that offers a nutritional approach to recovery from addiction and healing the body from substance abuse and trauma.\nExample: A treatment center that focuses on using nutrition and supplements to support recovery from addiction and promote healing for the body and mind.\n\n9. Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous: Provide the contact information, including the address, phone number, email address, and website for the Twelve-Step program for people in recovery from sex and love addiction.\nExample: A fellowship that offers a Twelve-Step program to help individuals address and overcome their problems with sex and love addiction.\n\n10. Women for Sobriety: Provide the contact information, including the address, phone number, and website for the organization that offers referrals to self-help groups for women with addictions.\nExample: A non-profit organization that provides support and resources for women in recovery from addiction, offering referrals to self-help groups and other recovery resources.", "response": "\n\n##  Recovery Resources, Organizations, and Hotlines\n\nAlcoholics Anonymous\n\nThe original Twelve-Step program which has helped millions of alcoholics.\n\nBox 459, Grand Central Station   \nNew York, NY 10163   \n(212) 647-1680   \nwww.alcoholics-anonymous.org/\n\n  \n\n\nAl-Anon Family Groups\n\nSupport groups for family members of alcoholics.\n\nP.O. Box 862, Midtown Station   \nNew York, NY 10018   \n(800) 356-9996   \nWSO@al-anon.org   \nwww.al-anon.org/\n\n  \n\n\nCenter for Sexual Abuse Treatment\n\nNational Drug Abuse Hotline\n\nInformation line with referrals to treatment programs.  \n(800) 662-HELP\n\n  \n\n\nDebtors Anonymous\n\nTwelve-Step program for people with problems with debting and spending. Write for meetings in your area or look in your local phone book.\n\nGeneral Service Office   \nPO Box 920888   \nNeedham, MA 02492-0009   \n(781) 453-2743   \nFax: (781) 453-2745   \nnew@debtorsanonymous.org   \nwww.debtorsanonymous.org/\n\n  \n\n\nNarcotics Anonymous\n\nTwelve-Step program for people in recovery from drug addiction.\n\nWorld Service Office, Inc.   \nP.O. Box 9999   \nVan Nuys, CA 91409   \n(818) 780-3951   \nFax: (818) 785-0923   \nwww.na.org/\n\n  \n\n\nOvereaters Anonymous\n\nTwelve-Step program for people in recovery from compulsive overeating.\n\nWorld Service Office   \n6075 Zenith Court N.E.   \nRio Rancho, NM 87124   \n(505) 891-2664   \nFax: (505) 891-4320   \nwww.overeatersanonymous.org/\n\n  \n\n\nRecovery Systems, Inc.\n\nOffers a nutritional approach to recovery from addiction and healing the body from drug or alcohol abuse, the impact of nicotine or refined sugars, and the results of trauma on the health of the body. The founder Julia Ross is the author of The Diet Cure (Viking, 1999).\n\n147 Lomita Drive, Suite D   \nMill Valley, CA 94941   \n(415) 458-8446   \n(800) 458-8446   \nwww.dietcure.com\n\n  \n\n\nSex and Love Addicts Anonymous\n\nTwelve-Step program for people in recovery from sex and love addiction.\n\nThe Augustine Fellowship   \nP.O. Box 338   \nNorwood, MA 02062-0338   \n(781) 255-8825   \nslaafws@aol.com   \nwww.slaafws.org/\n\n  \n\n\nWomen for Sobriety\n\nProvides referrals to self-help groups for women with addictions.\n\nP.O. Box 618   \nQuakertown, PA 18951   \n(215) 536-8026   \n(800) 333-1606   \nwww.womenforsobriety.org/\n"}
{"input": " Write a list of books related to body-centered therapy, personal growth, and healing. Include the following books:\n\n1. The Anatomy of Change: A Way to Move Through Life's Transitions by Richard Strozzi Heckler. (North Atlantic Books, 1984, 1993).\nExample: A book that explores personal growth and change through body-centered practices, offering tools and techniques for navigating life transitions.\n\n2. Anatomy of the Spirit: The Seven Stages of Power and Healing by Caroline Myss, Ph.D. (Three Rivers Press, 1996).\nExample: A book that delves into the connection between spirituality and physical health, discussing the seven stages of power and healing that can be accessed through the chakra system.\n\n3. At the Speed of Life: A New Approach to Personal Change Through Body-Centered Therapy by Gay Hendricks (Bantam Books, 1993).\nExample: A book that presents a body-centered approach to personal growth and transformation, helping readers identify and release the emotional and physical blocks that inhibit their well-being.\n\n4. The Body Has Its Reasons by Therese Bertherat and Carol Bernstein (Healing Arts Press, 1989).\nExample: A book that explores the relationship between the body and emotional well-being, providing readers with exercises and techniques for healing and growth.\n\n5. The Body in Recovery: Somatic Psychotherapy and the Self by John Conger (Frog, Ltd., 1994).\nExample: A book that discusses the role of the body in the recovery process, focusing on somatic psychotherapy and its potential to help individuals heal and grow.\n\n6. Body Voices: Using the Power of Breath, Sound, and Movement to Heal and Create by Carolyn Braddock (Page Mill Press, 1995).\nExample: A book that teaches readers how to harness the healing power of breath, sound, and movement, providing practical exercises and techniques for personal growth and transformation.\n\n7. Body-Centered Psychotherapy: The Hakomi Method by Ron Kurtz (LifeRhythm, 1990).\nExample: A book that introduces the Hakomi Method of body-centered psychotherapy, a mindfulness-based approach to personal growth and healing.\n\n8. Dreambody: The Body's Role in Revealing the Self by Arnold Mindell (Routledge and Kegan Paul, 1983).\nExample: A book that explores the relationship between the body and the unconscious, discussing the role of dreams, symptoms, and body processes in revealing the true self.\n\n9. Embodying Experience: Forming a Personal Life by Stanley Keleman (Center Press, 1987).\nExample: A book that delves into the process of embodying experience, offering practical exercises and techniques for individuals to develop a more authentic and grounded sense of self.\n\n10. Emotional Anatomy by Stanley Keleman (Center Press, 1985).\nExample: A book that discusses the emotional and physical connections in the body, providing readers with a deeper understanding of their emotions and how they manifest in the body.\n\n11. Getting in Touch: A Guide to New Body-Centered Therapies by Christine Caldwell, Ph.D. (Quest Books, 1997).\nExample: A book that offers an introduction to various body-centered therapies, discussing their potential benefits and applications for personal growth and healing.\n\n12. Getting Our Bodies Back by Christine Caldwell (Shambhala, 1996).\nExample: A book that explores the connection between the body and personal power, offering readers practical tools for reclaiming their physical and emotional well-being.\n\n13. The Intuitive Body: Aikido as a Clairsentient Practice by Wendy Palmer (North Atlantic Books, 1994).\nExample: A book that applies the principles of Aikido to personal growth and development, teaching readers how to cultivate intuition and embodied wisdom.\n\n14. The Life We Are Given: A Long-Term Program for Realizing the Potential of Body, Mind, Heart, and Soul by George Leonard and Michael Murphy (G.P. Putnam's Sons, 1995).\nExample: A book that presents a holistic approach to personal growth, integrating the body, mind, heart, and soul in the transformation process.\n\n15. Transforming Body Image by Marcia Germaine Hutchinson (Crossing Press, 1985).\nExample: A book that explores the relationship between body image and self-esteem, offering practical exercises and techniques for healing and growth.\n\n16. Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter A. Levine (North Atlantic Books, 1997).\nExample: A book that discusses the role of the body in healing and recovering from trauma, offering practical tools and techniques for working with the body to release and transform traumatic experiences.\n\n17. Your Body Never Lies by Carmen R. Berry (Page Mill Press, 1993).\nExample: A book that explores the relationship between the body and emotional well-being, providing readers with practical tools for understanding and healing the connection between the body and the self.", "response": "\n\n##  Books\n\nThe Anatomy of Change: A Way to Move Through Life's Transitions by Richard Strozzi Heckler. (North Atlantic Books, 1984, 1993).\n\n  \n\n\nAnatomy of the Spirit: The Seven Stages of Power and Healing by Caroline Myss, Ph.D. (Three Rivers Press, 1996).\n\n  \n\n\nAt the Speed of Life: A New Approach to Personal Change Through Body-Centered Therapy by Gay Hendricks (Bantam Books, 1993).\n\n  \n\n\nThe Body Has Its Reasons by Therese Bertherat and Carol Bernstein (Healing Arts Press, 1989).\n\n  \n\n\nThe Body in Recovery: Somatic Psychotherapy and the Self by John Conger (Frog, Ltd., 1994).\n\n  \n\n\nBody Voices: Using the Power of Breath, Sound and Movement to Heal and Create by Carolyn Braddock (Page Mill Press, 1995).\n\n  \n\n\nBody-Centered Psychotherapy: The Hakomi Method by Ron Kurtz (LifeRhythm, 1990).\n\n  \n\n\nDreambody: The Body's Role in Revealing the Self by Arnold Mindell (Routledge and Kegan Paul, 1983).\n\n  \n\n\nEmbodying Experience: Forming a Personal Life by Stanley Keleman (Center Press, 1987).\n\n  \n\n\nEmotional Anatomy by Stanley Keleman (Center Press, 1985).\n\n  \n\n\nGetting in Touch: A Guide to New Body-Centered Therapies by Christine Caldwell, Ph.D. (Quest Books, 1997).\n\n  \n\n\nGetting Our Bodies Back by Christine Caldwell (Shambhala, 1996).\n\n  \n\n\nThe Intuitive Body: Aikido as a Clairsentient Practice by Wendy Palmer (North Atlantic Books, 1994)\n\n  \n\n\nThe Life We Are Given: A Long-Term Program for Realizing the Potential of Body, Mind, Heart and Soul by George Leonard and Michael Murphy (G.P. Putnam's Sons, 1995).\n\n  \n\n\nTransforming Body Image by Marcia Germaine Hutchinson (Crossing Press, 1985).\n\n  \n\n\nWaking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter A. Levine. (North Atlantic Books, 1997).\n\n  \n\n\nYour Body Never Lies by Carmen R. Berry (Page Mill Press, 1993).\n"}
{"input": " Write a list of somatics training institutes, including their contact information and a brief description of their focus or approach. Include the following institutes:\n\n1. Alive and Well! Institute of Conscious Bodywork\nExample: A somatics training institute offering education in bodywork, synergy, and movement.\n\n2. The Body Esteem Workshop\nExample: A workshop created by Rita Hovakimian to help women and teen girls heal their relationships with their bodies and express themselves fully in their lives.\n\n3. Continuum\nExample: A somatics institute founded by Emilie Conrad, focusing on primary movement common to all life, enhancing and augmenting fluid movement for health and healing.\n\n4. Foundation of Human Enrichment\nExample: A somatics and trauma training institute based on the work of Peter Levine.\n\n5. The Hakomi Institute\nExample: An institute offering training in the Hakomi Method of body-centered psychotherapy.\n\n6. The Hendricks Institute\nExample: A somatics institute based on the work of Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks, offering body-oriented personal and relationship transformation work.\n\n7. The Institute for Embodiment Training\nExample: An institute offering meditation-based somatic workshops and training.\n\n8. The Institute for Women's Leadership\nExample: A global resource for empowering women leaders in all sectors of society, providing a comprehensive array of cutting-edge training and services to bring about change for organizations and global transformation.\n\n9. Lomi Applied Somatics\nExample: A somatic approach developed by Robert Hall and Richard Heckler, combining Polarity Therapy, Gestalt Therapy, Vipasana meditation, and Aikido.\n\n10. Rancho Strozzi Institute\nExample: A center for the study of somatics and leadership founded by Richard Heckler, offering training, coaching, and long-term practices in building the embodied self of a leader.\n\n11. Rosen Method Bodywork\nExample: A somatics institute based on the work of Marion Rosen.\n\n12. The Rubenfeld Synergy Center\nExample: An institute teaching the work of Ilana Rubenfeld, integrating the body, mind, emotions, and spirit.\n\n13. Tamalpa Institute\nExample: An institute offering an integrative approach to movement, the expressive arts, and therapeutic models supporting personal, interpersonal, and social transformation.\n\n14. Tara Mandala Retreat Center\nExample: A retreat center founded by Tsultrim Allione, offering numerous courses and retreats in Tibetan Buddhist and various Native American traditions.", "response": "\n\n##  Somatics Training Institutes\n\nAlive and Well! Institute of Conscious Bodywork\n\nSomatic education including bodywork, synergy and movement.\n\n100 Shaw Drive   \nSan Anselmo, CA 94960   \n(888) 259-5961   \nwww.alivewell.com\n\n  \n\n\nThe Body Esteem Workshop\n\nCreated by Rita Hovakimian, this workshop is designed to assist women and teen girls in healing their relationships with their bodies and being fully expressed in their lives.\n\n(415) 661-5037   \nfitnessandbeyond@compuserve.com\n\n  \n\n\nContinuum\n\nFounded by Emilie Conrad, Continuum focuses on primary movement common to all life, enhancing and augmenting fluid movement for health and healing.\n\n1629 18th Street #7   \nSanta Monica, CA 90404   \n(310) 453-4402   \ncontinuummove@earthlink.net   \nwww.home.earthlink.net/~contimuummove\n\n  \n\n\nFoundation of Human Enrichment\n\nSomatic Experiencing training in somatics and trauma. Based on the work of Peter Levine.\n\nP.O. Box 1872   \nLyons, CO 80540   \n(303) 823-9524   \nwww.traumahealing.com\n\n  \n\n\nThe Hakomi Institute\n\nP.O. Box 1873   \nBoulder, CO 80306   \n(303) 443-6209\n\n  \n\n\nThe Hendricks Institute\n\nBased upon the work of Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks. Body oriented personal and relationship transformation work.\n\n1187 Coast Village Road, Suite 109   \nSanta Barbara, CA 93108-2794   \n(805) 565-1870 or 800/688-0772\n\n  \n\n\nThe Institute for Embodiment Training\n\nMeditation based somatic workshops and training.\n\nR.R. 2 Cobble Hill   \nB.C., Canada VOR 1LO   \n(250) 743-5971   \nembodtr@islandnet.com\n\n  \n\n\nThe Institute for Women's Leadership\n\nA global resource for empowering women leaders in all sectors of society led by Rayona Sharpnack. The Institute provides a comprehensive array of cutting-edge training and services to bring about the changes ranging from a new future for an organization to the creation and implementation of projects and initiatives for global transformation.\n\nPO Box 58   \nRedwood City, CA 94064   \n(800) 274-8449   \nwww.womensleadership.com   \nrayonasharpnack@compuserve.com\n\n  \n\n\nLomi Applied Somatics\n\nDeveloped by Robert Hall and Richard Heckler in the Lomi School, this somatic approach combines Polarity Therapy, Gestalt Therapy, Vipasana meditation, and Aikido. Workshops and training for practitioners.\n\nLomi Community Clinic   \n600 B Street   \nSanta Rosa, CA 95401   \n(707) 579-0465\n\n  \n\n\nRancho Strozzi Institute\n\nFounded by Richard Heckler, RSI is a center for the study of somatics and leadership. They offer training, coaching, and long-term practices in building a \"body\" or the embodied self of a leader. RSI works with individuals, nonprofit organizations, corporations, and government agencies. This somatic discourse includes working with language as well.\n\n4101 Middle Two Rock Road   \nPetaluma, CA 94952   \n(707) 778-6505   \nrsi@inreach.com\n\n  \n\n\nRosen Method Bodywork\n\nBased upon the work of Marion Rosen.  \nwww.mcn.org/b/rosen/default.html\n\nThe Berkeley Center   \nBerkeley, CA   \n(510) 845-6606   \nFax: (510) 845-8114   \nrosenmethod@batnet.com   \nRosen Center East   \nWestport, CT   \n(203) 319-1090   \nFax: (203) 319-0032\n\n  \n\n\nThe Rubenfeld Synergy Center\n\nTeaching the work of Ilana Rubenfeld, this gentle somatic approach integrates the body, mind, emotions, and spirit.\n\n115 Waverly Place   \nNew York, NY 10011   \n(800) 747-6897   \nrubenfeld@aol.com\n\n  \n\n\nTamalpa Institute\n\nAn integrative approach to movement, the expressive arts, and therapeutic models supporting personal, interpersonal, and social transformation. Founded by Anna Halprin.\n\nP.O. Box 794   \nKentfield, CA 94914   \n(41) 457-8555   \ntamalpa@igc.org\n\n  \n\n\nTara Mandala Retreat Center\n\nTsultrim Allione is the spiritual teacher and founder of Tara Mandala. Numerous courses and retreats available in Tibetan Buddhist and various Native American traditions.\n\nP.O. Box 3040   \nPagosa Springs, CO 81147   \n(970) 264-6177\n"}
{"input": " Write a comprehensive list of books related to sexual health, sexuality, and erotica, organized into the following categories: General Interest Sex Guides, Women's Sexuality, Male Sexuality, Children and Teens, Masturbation, Eastern Approaches to Sexuality, Erotica Anthologies, and Woman-Authored Erotica. Provide a brief description or summary for each book, including the author's name, publisher, and publication year where applicable.", "response": "\n\n##  Books\n\nGENERAL INTEREST SEX GUIDES\n\n  \n\n\n101 Nights of Great Sex by Laura Corn (Park Avenue Publishing, 1996). Tips on fantasy fulfillment and sexual technique in a book with \"sealed pages\" to enhance surprise.\n\n  \n\n\nAll About Birth Control: The Complete Guide by Planned Parenthood (Three Rivers Press/Crown, 1998). Information on all forms of contraception, from condoms to the morning after pill.\n\n  \n\n\nAnal Pleasure and Health by Jack Morin, Ph.D. (Down There Press, 1998). Advice for women and men interested in exploring anal eroticism.\n\n  \n\n\nEbony Erotica: A Lover's Guide to Sexual Positions by Rodger Jacobs (California Exotic Novelties, 1996). A photo-illustrated guide specifically for African-American heterosexual couples.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Sexual Passion and Fulfillment by Jack Morin, Ph.D. (HarperCollins, 1995). A guide to increasing and enhancing arousal.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt (Greenery Press, 1998). Information and advice about responsible nonmonogamy and polyamory.\n\n  \n\n\nExhibitionism for the Shy by Carol Queen (Down There Press, 1995). Advice on communicating sexual desires.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Fine Art of Erotic Talk: How to Entice, Excite and Enchant Your Lover with Words by Bonnie Gabriel (Bantam Doubleday Dell, 1996). Tips on erotic talk and sexual communication.\n\n  \n\n\nGood Vibrations: The Complete Guide to Vibrators by Joani Blank (Down There Press, 1989). Advice on buying and enjoying vibrators.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Good Vibrations Guide to Adult Videos by Cathy Winks (Down There Press, 1998). Reviews of X-rated videos, along with tips on viewing.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Great Sex Weekend by Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D. and Janet Lever, Ph.D. (Putnam, 1998). Aimed at partners suffering from demanding schedules or sexual boredom.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Guide to Getting It On by Paul Joannides (Goofy Foot Press, 1998). Humorous heterosexual guide with detailed advice about sexual technique and communication.\n\n  \n\n\nHot Monogamy: Essential Steps to More Passionate, Intimate Lovemaking by Dr. Patricia Love and Jo Robinson (Plume/Penguin, 1994). Advice and information for monogamous couples.\n\n  \n\n\nHot, Sexy and Safer by Suzi Landolphi (Perigree Books/Berkley, 1994). Safer sex guide, geared toward people in their twenties.\n\n  \n\n\nIntimate Resources for Persons with Disabilities by Susan D. Wheeler and Linda Crabtree (Sureen Publishing, 1998). Lists sexuality resources in North America.\n\n  \n\n\nThe New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex by Cathy Winks and Anne Semans (Cleis Press, 1997). A comprehensive manual covering all aspects of female and male sexuality; extensive resource section.\n\n  \n\n\nSeven Weeks to Better Sex by Domeena Renshaw, M.D. (Bantam Doubleday Dell, 1995). A practical and clinical approach to common sexual problems from the American Medical Association.\n\n  \n\n\nSex Over 40 by Saul Rosenthal (Tarcher, 1989). Advice for heterosexual couples.\n\n  \n\n\nSex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man by Dan Anderson and Maggie Berman (HarperCollins, 1997). Emphasis on sexual technique.\n\n  \n\n\nSexual Pleasure: Reaching New Heights of Sexual Arousal and Intimacy by Barbara Keesling, Ph.D. (Hunter House, 1993). Focuses on creating sexual intimacy.\n\n  \n\n\nTurn Ons: Pleasing Yourself While You Please Your Lover by Lonnie Barbach, Ph.D. (Plume/Penguin, 1998). A guide to enhancing sexual communication and creativity.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Ultimate Guide to Strap-on Sex: A Resource for Men and Women by Karlyn Lotney (Cleis Press, 1999). Guide to using dildos and harnesses in sex.\n\n  \n\n\nWOMEN'S SEXUALITY\n\n  \n\n\nAre We Having Fun Yet? The Intelligent Woman's Guide to Sex by Marcia Douglass, Ph.D. and Lisa Douglass, Ph.D. (Hyperion, 1997). A feminist approach to sexual enhancement for women.\n\n  \n\n\nBecoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women by Julia R. Heiman, Ph.D. and Joseph Lopiccolo, Ph.D. (Fireside/Simon and Schuster, 1988). Advice and a structured process of exploration for women who have never had an orgasm.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Black Women's Health Book edited by Evelyn C. White (Seal Press, 1994). African-American women write about health issues, including menopause, teenage sexuality and HIV.\n\n  \n\n\nCunt Coloring Book by Tee Corinne (Last Gasp, 1989). Forty-two drawings of women's genitals in a coloring book format.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Erotic Lives of Women edited by Linda Troeller (Scallo, 1998). Interviews and photos of thirty diverse women, focusing on personal arousal and pleasure.\n\n  \n\n\nFemalia edited by Joani Blank (Down There Press, 1993). Thirty-two full-color photographs of women's genitals.\n\n  \n\n\nForbidden Flowers by Nancy Friday (Simon and Schuster, 1975). A collection of women's sexual fantasies.\n\n  \n\n\nFor Each Other by Lonnie Barbach, Ph.D. (Signet/Penguin, 1984). For women who want to improve sexual intimacy with their partners.\n\n  \n\n\nFor Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality by Lonnie Barbach, Ph.D. (Signet/Penguin, 1975). A guide for women seeking to enhance their sexual experience; aimed at women who have never had an orgasm.\n\n  \n\n\nThe G Spot: And Other Discoveries About Human Sexuality by Alice Kahn Ladas, Beverly Whipple and John D. Perry (Bantam Doubleday Dell, 1982). Covers the anatomical and sexual specifics of the G-spot.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Good Vibrations Guide to the G-Spot by Cathy Winks (Down There Press, 1998). Tips on G-spot stimulation and female ejaculation.\n\n  \n\n\nIn the Garden of Desire: Women's Sexual Fantasies as a Gateway to Passion and Pleasure by Wendy Maltz and Suzie Boss (Broadway/Bantam Doubleday Dell, 1997). Fantasies as a source of sexual power and enhanced self-image; includes information on changing unwanted fantasies.\n\n  \n\n\nLesbian Passion: Loving Ourselves and Each Other by Joann Loulan (Spinster's Ink, 1987). A guide to increasing self-esteem and intimacy; includes a section for abuse survivors.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Lesbian Sex Book by Wendy Caster (Alyson, 1993). Covers all aspects of lesbian sexuality in an A to Z format.\n\n  \n\n\nMy Secret Garden by Nancy Friday (Simon and Schuster, 1998). A collection of women's sexual fantasies.\n\n  \n\n\nThe New Ourselves, Growing Older: Women Aging with Knowledge and Power by Paula B. Doress-Worters and Diana Laskin Siegal (Touchstone/Simon and Schuster, 1994). A health guide for women over forty, with information on sex and menopause.\n\n  \n\n\nA New View of a Woman's Body by The Federation of Feminist Women's Health Centers (Feminist Health Press, 1995). A comprehensive guide to sexual health with illustrated anatomical information.\n\n  \n\n\nOur Bodies, Ourselves: For the New Century by the Boston Women's Health Book Collective (Touchstone/Simon and Schuster, 1998). The classic guide to women's health; updated and revised.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Sexuality of Latinas edited by Norma Alarcon, Ana Castillo and Cherrie Moraga (Third Woman Press, 1993). Essays and prose in English and Spanish.\n\n  \n\n\nSusie Sexpert's Lesbian Sex World by Susie Bright (Cleis Press, 1990, 1998). Classic and new essays on lesbian sex.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women by Tristan Taormino (Cleis Press, 1997). Advice for women interested in exploring anal eroticism.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Whole Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide for All of Us by Felice Newman (Cleis Press, 1999). Information and support for all women who love women\u2014lesbian and bisexual, partnered and single, young and old, transgendered and traditionally gendered, sexually experienced and new to sexual exploration.\n\n  \n\n\nA Woman's Guide to Overcoming Sexual Fear and Pain by Aurelie Jones Goodwin, Ed.D. and Marc E. Agronin, M.D. (New Harbinger Publications, 1997). A workbook offering guidance in overcoming roadblocks to sexual pleasure.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Woman's Guide to Sex on the Web by Anne Semans and Cathy Winks (HarperSanFrancisco, 1999). A thorough guide to woman-friendly sex information, products, services and chat on the Web.\n\n  \n\n\nWomen on Top by Nancy Friday (Simon and Schuster, 1991). A collection of women's sexual fantasies.\n\n  \n\n\nWomen Who Love Sex by Gina Ogden, Ph.D. (Pocket Books/Simon and Schuster, 1995). An intelligent, feminist approach to sexual enhancement for women.\n\n  \n\n\nMALE SEXUALITY\n\n  \n\n\nMen in Love by Nancy Friday (Bantam Doubleday Dell, 1981). A collection of men's sexual fantasies.\n\n  \n\n\nMen Loving Men: A Gay Sex Guide and Consciousness Book by Mitch Walker (Gay Sunshine Press, 1997). A guide covering all aspects of gay male sexuality.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Multi-Orgasmic Man: How Any Man Can Experience Multiple Orgasms and Dramatically Enhance His Sexual Relationship by Mantak Chia and Douglas Abrams Arava (HarperSanFrancisco, 1996). Incorporates Eastern and Western sexual techniques.\n\n  \n\n\nThe New Male Sexuality: The Truth About Men, Sex and Pleasure by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D. (Bantam Doubleday Dell, 1992). Advice on overcoming male sexual concerns and enhancing communication.\n\n  \n\n\nSexual Solutions: A Guide for Men and the Women Who Love Them by Michael Castleman (Simon and Schuster, 1989). A thorough sex manual which includes a chapter for men whose partners have been raped.\n\n  \n\n\nCHILDREN AND TEENS\n\n  \n\n\nAll About Sex: A Family Resource on Sex and Sexuality by Planned Parenthood (Three Rivers Press/Crown, 1997). A reference on sex and sexual health.\n\n  \n\n\nChanging Bodies, Changing Lives: A Book for Teens on Sex and Relationships by Ruth Bell (Vintage, 1988). A thorough, inclusive guide.\n\n  \n\n\nThe First Time: What Parents and Teenage Girls Should Know About Losing Your Virginity by Karen Bouris (Conari Press, 1995). First-hand accounts from a number of women, with both positive and negative perceptions.\n\n  \n\n\nHow Sex Works by Elizabeth Fenwick and Richard Walker (Dorling Kindersley, 1996). Advice and information for teens.\n\n  \n\n\nIt's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex and Sexual Health by Robie H. Harris (Candlewick Press, 1996). Information on sexual health and self-esteem for kids ages seven to fourteen.\n\n  \n\n\nJust Say Yes/Di Que Si by The Coalition for Positive Sexuality (The Coalition for Positive Sexuality, 1998). Explicit advice on AIDS, STDs, pregnancy, homosexuality and self-esteem for teens. In English or Spanish.\n\n  \n\n\nA Kid's First Book About Sex by Joani Blank (Down There Press, 1983). Information for kids age seven and up.\n\n  \n\n\nLa Menstruacion by Joann Gardner-Loulan, Bonnie Lopez and Marcia Quackenbush (Parramon, 1991). Spanish language version of Period; a guide to menstruation for adolescent girls.\n\n  \n\n\nPeriod by Joann Gardner-Loulan, Bonnie Lopez and Marcia Quackenbush (Volcano Press, 1991). Guide to menstruation for adolescent girls.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Period Book: Everything You Don't Want to Ask But Need to Know by Karen and Jennifer Gravelle (Walker and Company, 1996). A guide for girls about the physical, emotional, and social changes that accompany puberty.\n\n  \n\n\nTalking With Your Child About Sex: Questions and Answers for Children from Birth to Puberty by Dr. Mary Calderone and Dr. James Ramey (Ballantine Books, 1994). Examples of children's sex questions with suggested answers.\n\n  \n\n\nWhat's Happening to My Body? A Book for Boys by Lynda Madaras (Newmarket Press, 1988). For adolescents and their parents.\n\n  \n\n\nWhat's Happening to My Body? A Book for Girls by Lynda Madaras (Newmarket Press, 1988). For adolescents and their parents.\n\n  \n\n\nMASTURBATION\n\n  \n\n\nFirst Person Sexual edited by Joani Blank (Down There Press, 1996). An anthology of first-hand masturbation accounts from women and men.\n\n  \n\n\nI Am My Lover: Women Pleasure Themselves edited by Joani Blank (Down There Press, 1997). Photos and essays about female masturbation.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Joy of Solo Sex by Dr. Harold Litten (Factor Press, 1993). Teaches masturbation techniques and sex-positivity for men.\n\n  \n\n\nSex For One by Betty Dodson (Three Rivers Press/Crown, 1996). Teaches masturbation techniques and sex-positivity for women.\n\n  \n\n\nSolitary Pleasures: The Historical, Literary and Artistic Discourses of Autoeroticism by Paula Bennett and Vernon Rosario (Routledge, 1995). The history of masturbation.\n\n  \n\n\nEASTERN APPROACHES TO SEXUALITY\n\n  \n\n\nAcupressure for Lovers: Secrets of Touch for Increasing Intimacy by Michael Reed Gach, Ph.D. (Bantam Doubleday Dell, 1997). Combines Eastern and Western techniques.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Art of Sexual Ecstasy: The Path of Sacred Sexuality for Western Lovers by Margo Anand (Tarcher, 1991). Combines contemporary techniques with ancient Tantric and Taoist practices.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Illustrated Kama Sutra translated by Sir Richard Burton (Park Street Press/Inner Traditions, 1991). Excerpts from the classic Indian love texts, with illustrations.\n\n  \n\n\nPassion Play: Ancient Secrets for a Lifetime of Health and Happiness Through Sensational Sex by Felice Dunas, Ph.D. with Philip Goldberg (Riverhead Books/Penguin, 1997). Holistic guidance on sexual healing, seduction and harnessing Chi energy.\n\n  \n\n\nSacred Sex by Jwala (Mandala, 1993). An illustrated guide to Tantric sex.\n\n  \n\n\nTantra: A Guide to Conscious Loving by Charles and Caroline Muir (Mercury House, 1989). Teaches heterosexual couples to increase intimacy using sexual energy.\n\n  \n\n\nTantric Massage: An Illustrated Manual for Meditative Sexuality by Kenneth Ray Stubbs (Secret Garden Press, 1993). Erotic massage techniques.\n\n  \n\n\nEROTICA ANTHOLOGIES\n\n  \n\n\nBest American Erotica 1997 edited by Susie Bright (Simon and Schuster, 1997). Annual Series. Selected stories from female and male authors.\n\n  \n\n\nBest Gay Erotica edited by Richard Labont\u00e9 (Cleis Press, 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000). Annual Series. Selected gay stories.\n\n  \n\n\nBest Lesbian Erotica edited by Tristan Taormino (Cleis Press, 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000). Annual Series. Selected lesbian stories.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Book of Eros: Arts and Letters from Yellow Silk edited by Lily Pond and Richard Russo (Crown/Random House, 1995). Selected writings from an erotic literary journal specializing in \"all persuasions, no brutality.\"\n\n  \n\n\nDark Eros: Black Erotic Writings edited by Reginald Martin, Ph.D. (St. Martin's Press, 1997). Writings by African, African-American, Latin-American, and Carribean-American authors; a sequel to Erotique Noire.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Ecstatic Moment: The Best of Libido edited by Marianna Beck and Jack Hafferkamp (Delta/Bantam Doubleday Dell, 1997). Writings from the erotic literary magazine.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Erotic Edge: 22 Erotic Stories for Couples edited by Lonnie Barbach, Ph.D. (Plume/Penguin, 1994). Stories written specifically for monogamous heterosexual couples.\n\n  \n\n\nErotique Noire: Black Erotica edited by Miriam Decosta-Willis, Reginald Martin and Roseann P. Bell (Anchor/Bantam Doubleday Dell, 1992). Writings by African, African-American, Latin-American, and Carribean-American authors.\n\n  \n\n\nFriction edited by Gerry Kroll (Alyson Publications, 1998). An anthology of gay male writing.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Gates of Paradise edited by Alberto Manguel (Macfarlane Walter and Ross, 1993). Literary selections by well-known authors.\n\n  \n\n\nHappily Ever After: Erotic Fairy Tales for Men edited by Michael Ford (Masquerade, 1996). Reworkings of classic fairy tales featuring gay male eroticism.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Literary Companion to Sex edited by Fiona Pitt-Kethley (Random House, 1992). Erotic writings from the Bible to modern masters.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Mammoth Book of Erotica edited by Maxim Jakubowski (Carroll and Graf, 1994). Selected writings with a hard edge, by famous authors.\n\n  \n\n\nNerve: Literate Smut edited by Genevieve Field and Rufus Griscom (Broadway Books, 1998). Fiction, essays and photos from the online erotica magazine.\n\n  \n\n\nThe New Olympia Reader edited by Maurice Girodias (Blue Moon Books, 1993). Literary selections by well-known authors.\n\n  \n\n\nOn a Bed of Rice: An Asian American Erotic Feast edited by Geraldine Kudaka (Anchor, 1995). Writings by Asian-American authors.\n\n  \n\n\nOnce Upon a Time: Erotic Fairy Tales for Women edited by Michael Ford (Masquerade, 1996). Reworkings of classic fairy tales featuring lesbian eroticism.The Pearl: Erotica from the Underground Magazine of Victorian England edited by Anonymous (Grove Press, 1968). An anthology of classic, anonymous writing.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Pearl: Erotica from the Underground Magazine of Victorian England edited by Anonymous (Grove Press, 1968). An anthology of classic anonymous writing.\n\n  \n\n\nSeven Hundred Kisses: A Yellow Silk Book of Erotic Writing edited by Lily Pond (HarperSanFrancisco, 1997). Selected writings from an erotic literary journal specializing in \"all persuasions, no brutality.\"\n\n  \n\n\nSex Spoken Here: Good Vibrations Erotic Reading Circle Selections edited by Carol Queen and Jack Davis (Down There Press, 1998). Submissions from an erotica writing group.\n\n  \n\n\nSex Toy Tales edited by Cathy Winks and Anne Semans (Down There Press, 1998). Stories focus on the pleasures of sex toys.\n\n  \n\n\nSwitch Hitters: Lesbians Write Gay Male Erotica and Gay Men Write Lesbian Erotica edited by Carol Queen and Lawrence Schimel (Cleis Press, 1996). Selected homoerotic stories.\n\n  \n\n\nUnder the Pomegranate Tree: The Best New Latino Erotica edited by Ray Gonzalez (Washington Square Press/Simon and Schuster, 1996). Writings by Latino authors.\n\n  \n\n\nWOMAN-AUTHORED EROTICA\n\n  \n\n\nBlack Feathers: Erotic Dreams by Cecelia Tan (HarperPerennial, 1998). A collection of futuristic short stories.\n\n  \n\n\nBehind Closed Doors by Alina Reyes (Grove Press, 1994). A novel featuring taboo-breaking sex from both a male and a female perspective.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Claiming of Sleeping Beauty by Anne Rice writing as A.N. Roquelaure (N.A.L./Penguin, 1990). An erotic revision of the traditional fairy tale, with emphasis on dominance and submission.\n\n  \n\n\nDeep Down: The New Sensual Writing by Women edited by Laura Chester (Faber and Faber, 1988). Literary selections.\n\n  \n\n\nDelta of Venus by Anais Nin (Pocket Books/Simon and Schuster, 1969). Classic short story collection.\n\n  \n\n\nDoc and Fluff by Pat Califia (Alyson Publications, 1996). A dystopian novel about S/M lesbians.\n\n  \n\n\nEat Me by Linda Jaivin (Broadway Books, 1998). A humorous novel about the sexual exploits of four women friends.\n\n  \n\n\nEmmanuelle by Emmanuelle Arson (Grove Press, 1971). A novel about a woman's sexual awakening.\n\n  \n\n\nErotic Interludes: Tales Told by Women edited by Lonnie Barbach, Ph.D. (Plume/Penguin, 1995). An anthology.\n\n  \n\n\nHerotica edited by Susie Bright (Down There Press, 1988). The first in a series featuring women-authored erotica.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Leather Daddy and the Femme by Carol Queen (Cleis Press, 1998). A novel about a bisexual woman exploring genderbending and power play.\n\n  \n\n\nMacho Sluts by Pat Califia (Alyson Publications, 1988). Short stories with an emphasis on taboo sex and S/M.\n\n  \n\n\nMeeting the Master: Stories About Mastery, Slavery and the Darker Side of Desire by Elissa Wald (Grove Press, 1995). A collection focusing on the psychological and physical experience of power play.\n\n  \n\n\nModern Love edited by Kerri Sharp (Black Lace Books, 1997). An anthology from a publisher specializing in erotica with an emphasis on romance.\n\n  \n\n\nPillow Talk: Lesbian Stories Between the Covers edited by Lesl\u00e9a Newman (Alyson Publications, 1998). An anthology.\n\n  \n\n\nPleasure in the Word: Erotic Writing by Latin American Women edited by Margarite Fernandez (White Pine, 1993). An anthology.\n\n  \n\n\nPleasures: Women Write Erotica edited by Lonnie Barbach, Ph.D. (HarperCollins, 1984). An anthology.\n\n  \n\n\nQuiver: A Book of Erotic Tales by Tobsha Learner (Plume/Penguin, 1998). Twelve erotic stories.\n\nSpeaking in Whispers by Kathleen E. Morris (Third Side Press, 1996). African-American lesbian erotica.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Story of O by Pauline Reage (Ballantine Books, 1965). The classic tale of one woman's willing submission to her lover.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Time of Our Lives: Women Write on Sex After 40 edited by Dena Taylor and Amber Sumrall (Crossing Press, 1993). An anthology.\n\n  \n\n\nTouching Fire: Erotic Writing by Women edited by Louise Thornton, Jan Sturtevant and Amber Coverdale Sumrall (Carroll and Graf, 1989). An anthology.\n\n  \n\n\nVirgin Territory edited by Shar Rednour (Masquerade Books, 1996). Tales about first lesbian experiences.\n\n  \n\n\nPOLITICS AND PRO-SEX FEMINISM\n\n  \n\n\nAnnie Sprinkle: Post Porn Modernist: My Twenty-Five Years as a Multimedia Whore by Annie Sprinkle (Cleis Press, 1998). Autobiography, cultural history, spiritual journey and political memoir by a sex worker and cult star.\n\n  \n\n\nCaught Looking: Feminism, Pornography and Censorship by the FACT Book Committee (Long River Books, 1988). Essays and photography exploring sexual expression and censorship.\n\n  \n\n\nGlobal Sex Workers: Rights, Resistance and Redefinition edited by Kamala Kempadoo and Jo Doezema (Routledge,1998). Essays and studies about prostitution around the world, offering new perspectives on sex work's possibilities for empowerment and exploitation.\n\n  \n\n\nMy Gender Workbook by Kate Bornstein (Routledge, 1998). A guidebook encouraging an exploration of personal and cultural assumptions about gender.\n\n  \n\n\nReal Live Nude Girl: Chronicles of Sex-Positive Culture by Carol Queen (Cleis Press, 1997). Essays by author, sexologist, and self-proclaimed exhibitionist Carol Queen.\n\n  \n\n\nSex Changes: The Politics of Transgenderism by Pat Califia (Cleis Press, 1997). An analysis of the contemporary history of transsexuality.\n\n  \n\n\nSex Work: Writings by Women in the Sex Industry edited by Frederique Delacoste (Cleis Press, 1987). Writings by a diverse group of sex workers.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Sexual State of the Union by Susie Bright (Simon and Schuster, 1997). Essays about politics and culture.\n\n  \n\n\nSusie Bright's Sexual Reality: A Virtual Sex World Reader by Susie Bright (Cleis Press, 1992). Essays about politics and culture.\n\n  \n\n\nSusie Bright's Sexwise by Susie Bright (Cleis Press, 1995). Essays,interviews and reviews.\n\n  \n\n\nTalk Dirty to Me by Sallie Tisdale (Anchor Books, 1995). Essays on erotic passion and pornography.\n\n  \n\n\nToo Darn Hot: Writing About Sex Since Kinsey edited by Judy Bloomfield, Mary McGrail and Lauren Sanders (Persea Books, 1998). Fiction, poetry, memoirs and essays about sexual politics and culture.\n\n  \n\n\nSTUDIES ON SEXUALITY\n\n  \n\n\nBisexuality: A Reader and Sourcebook edited by Thomas Geller (Times Change, 1990). Essays and research about bisexuality.\n\n  \n\n\nErotic Fantasies: A Study of the Sexual Imagination edited by Drs. Phyllis and Eberhard Kronhausen (Grove Press, 1987). A survey from early folklore to Victorian tales to modern fantasies.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Erotic Impulse edited by David Steinberg (Tarcher/Putnam, 1992). Novelists, therapists and theorists expound on sexuality and eroticism.\n\n  \n\n\nErotic Power: An Exploration of Dominance and Submission by Gini Graham Scott, Ph.D. (Citadel/Carol Publishing, 1997). A study of female dominance and male submission.\n\n  \n\n\nGood Sex: Real Stories from Real People by Julia Hutton (Cleis Press, 1995). Diverse individual sex histories.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Kinsey Institute New Report on Sex by June M. Reinisch, Ph.D. (St. Martin's Press, 1990). Informational encyclopedia covers everything from anatomy to partner sex to fetishes.\n\n  \n\n\nSex and the Bible by Gerald Larue (Prometheus Books, 1983). A critical analysis of the Bible's teachings about various sexual practices.\n\n  \n\n\nSex in America: A Definitive Survey by Robert T. Michael, John H. Gagnon, Edward O. Laumann and Gina Kolata. A comprehensive survey of sexual behavior and practices in 1990s United States. Based on surveys of 3,400 people.\n\n  \n\n\nSex in History by Reay Tannahill (Scarborough House, 1992). An exploration of sexual customs and attitudes throughout history.\n\n  \n\n\nVice Versa: Bisexuality and the Eroticism of Everyday Life by Marjorie Garber (Simon and Schuster, 1996). The culture and history of bisexuality.\n\n  \n\n\nS/M AND POWER PLAY\n\n  \n\n\nBitch Goddess: The Spiritual Path of the Dominant Woman edited by Pat Califia and Drew Campbell (Greenery Press, 1997). Essays, poetry and fiction examining the link between spirituality and power play.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt (Greenery Press, 1994). Information about sexual submission.\n\n  \n\n\nComing to Power: Writings and Graphics on Lesbian S/M by Samois (Alyson Publications, 1987). Essays and erotica address the politics of S/M in the lesbian community and its therapeutic possibilities.\n\n  \n\n\nDifferent Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by Gloria G. Brame, William D. Brame and Jon Jacobs (Villard/Random Books, 1995). Interviews with over 100 S/M practitioners.\n\n  \n\n\nLearning the Ropes: A Basic Guide to Safe and Fun S/M Lovemaking by Race Bannon (Daedalus Publishing Co., 1992). An introduction to power play philosophy and safety techniques.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Lesbian S/M Safety Manual edited by Pat Califia (Alyson Publications, 1988). A comprehensive guide to safe power play.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Second Coming: A Leatherdyke Reader edited by Pat Califia and Robin Sweeney (Alyson Publications, 1996). Sequel to Coming to Power.\n\n  \n\n\nScrew the Roses, Send Me the Thorns by Philip Miller and Molly Devon (Mystic Rose Books, 1995). A humorous introductory guide from a male dominant/female submissive perspective; illustrated with photographs.\n\n  \n\n\nSensuous Magic: A Guide for Adventurous Couples by Pat Califia (Richard Kasak/Masquerade, 1996). An introduction to the finer points of power play, accompanied by erotic fantasies.\n\n  \n\n\nSM 101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman (Greenery Press, 1993). Instruction and resource listings.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Sexually Dominant Woman: A Workbook for Nervous Beginners by Lady Green (Greenery Press, 1992). Covers the specifics of sexual domination.\n\n  \n\n\nSome Women edited by Laura Antoniou (Masquerade/Rhinoceros, 1995). Over 40 essays written by women involved in consensual dominance and submission.\n\n  \n\n\nThe Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt (Greenery Press, 1996). Information about sexual domination.\n"}
{"input": " Write a list of magazines and newsletters related to various aspects of female sexuality, including lesbian, multicultural, and general female-focused publications. Provide contact information such as the mailing address, email, website, and phone number for each publication.", "response": "\n\n##  Magazines and Newsletters\n\nDiva\n\nThe UK's only lesbian publication.\n\n116-134, Bayham Street   \nLondon, England NW1 0BA   \ndiva@gaytimes.co.ukwww.gaytimes.co.uk/\n\n  \n\n\nFabula Magazine\n\nFor the Female Mind\n\n55 Norfolk Street #202   \nSan Francisco CA 94103   \n(415) 255-8926   \nfabula@vdn.com   \nwww.fabulamag.com\n\n  \n\n\nHues\n\nHear Us Emerging Sisters, the multicultural magazine for young women.\n\nP.O. Box 3620   \nDuluth, MN 55803-3620   \n(800) HUES-4U2.   \nhues@hues.net   \nwww.hues.net\n\n  \n\n\nOn Our Backs   \nThe Best of Lesbian Sex   \nHAF Enterprises\n\n3415 C\u00e9sar Chavez, Suite 101   \nSan Francisco CA 94110   \n(415) 648-9464   \nFax (415) 648-4705   \nstaff@gfriends.con   \nwww.gfriends.com/onourbacks\n"}
{"input": " Write a list of videos related to female sexuality, categorizing them into sections such as pornography and sex education. Provide the name of the production company or individual, the title, and the year of release for each video. Include a variety of perspectives and topics, such as lesbian-made videos, educational videos, and videos focusing on specific sexual practices or experiences.", "response": "\n\n##  Video\n\nHere's a brief selection of videos written, directed, and/or produced by women. Most are available through the mail-order outlets listed on pages 283-284.\n\n  \n\n\n  \n\n\nPORN\n\n  \n\n\nCandida Royalle's Femme Productions\n\nMy Surrender (1996)   \nThe Gift (1997)   \nEyes of Desire (1998)   \nOne Size Fits All(1998)   \nThe Bridal Shower(1998)\n\n  \n\n\nMisc.\n\nSan Francisco Lesbians, Volumes 1-8\n\n  \n\n\n  \n\n\n  \n\n\nSEX EDUCATION\n\n  \n\n\nBetty Dodson\n\nSelfloving (1991)   \nCelebrating Orgasm (1996)\n\n  \n\n\nFatale Videos\n\nSuburban Dykes (1990)   \nHow to Female Ejaculate (1992)   \nBend Over Boyfriend (1998).\n\n  \n\n\nFrameline\n\nShe's Safe (1993). Compilation of lesbian-made clips.\n\n  \n\n\nMaya Gallus\n\nErotica: A Journey into Female Sexuality (1997).\n\n  \n\n\nNina Hartley\n\nNina Hartley's Guide to Cunnilingus (1994)   \nNina Hartley's Guide to Fellatio (1994)   \nNina Hartley's Guide to Anal Sex (1996)\n\n  \n\n\nDorrie Lane\n\nMasturbation Memoirs (1998).\n\n  \n\n\nMisc.\n\nTantric Journey to Female Orgasm (1998)   \nSex: A Lifelong Pleasure (Series)   \nSex: Enjoying Sex   \nSex: Erection   \nSex: The Female Orgasm   \nSex: The Male Orgasm   \nSex: Love and Aging\n\n  \n\n\nAnnie Sprinkle\n\nThe Sluts and Goddesses Video Workshop (1992)\n"}
{"input": " Compile a list of web sites related to various aspects of sexuality, including alternative sexualities, sexual health, and resources for specific communities. Provide the URL and a brief description for each web site. The descriptions should highlight the purpose of the site, the target audience, and any unique features or resources it offers.", "response": "\n\n##  Web Sites\n\nAlternate Sources\n\nwww.alternate.com\n\nThe only global CD-ROM, directory, and web site search engine for all the alternate sexuality communities. They also publish a directory.\n\n  \n\n\nAlt Sex\n\nwww.altsex.org\n\nInformation on BDSM, homosexuality, bisexuality, polyamory, sexual health, and transgender issues\n\n  \n\n\nAmerican Board of Sexology\n\nwww.indiana.edu/~kinsey/ASB/newhome.html\n\n  \n\n\nBianca's Smut Shack\n\nshack.bianca.com/shack/\n\nA sex-specific community site with forums, chat rooms and resources.\n\n  \n\n\nCoalition for Positive Sexuality\n\nwww.positive.org/\n\nA fantastic resource for teens with any questions about sex. Includes plenty of information on safer sex and contraception (in English and Spanish), along with a popular discussion board.\n\n  \n\n\nDykesworld\n\nwww.dykesworld.de/Getting_hot.html\n\nGateway resource for information on lesbian and bisexual women's sexuality, with links to general resources as well.\n\n  \n\n\nHeartless's Holey Haven\n\nwww.grownmencry.com/hhh/HHH.html\n\nThis \"haven for holes and things that go in holes\" takes an irreverent, frank approach to women's sexuality, with explicit photos, tips, essays and a QandA related to sexual technique, etiquette and relationship concerns. Don't miss the \"stupid penis tricks.\"\n\n  \n\n\nKink Aware Professionals\n\nAuthor Race Bannon's helpful resource for people who are seeking psychotherapeutic, medical, and other professional services from nonjudgmental caregivers. Especially useful for folks who practice S/M and other \"alternative\" forms of sexuality. www.bannon.com/~race/kap/\n\n  \n\n\nNerve Magazine\n\nwww.nervemag.com/\n\nFeatures \"literate smut\" essays, interviews and fiction.\n\n  \n\n\nQueernet.org\n\nQueerNet provides dozens of email discussion lists for the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, and S/M communities. The Web site gives detailed information on how to subscribe to the lists, which include many supportive lists for women exploring all facets of sexuality and gender. www.queernet.org/\n\n  \n\n\nSafer Sex Page\n\nwww.safersex.org\n\nThe best safer sex site around, this one is filled with information appropriate to visitors of all ages; you can tour a condom factory, watch as cartoon characters demonstrate how to put on a condom, or print out a cheatsheet of safer sex guidelines designed to prop up on your night stand.\n\n  \n\n\nSexual Health Network\n\nwww.sexualhealth.com\n\nA terrific resource addressing the sexual concerns of those with different disabilities, injuries and illnesses.\n\n  \n\n\nSociety for Human Sexuality\n\nwww.sexuality.org\n\nA comprehensive online library of sexuality resources.\n\n  \n\n\nWeb by Women for Women\n\nwww.io.com/~wwwomen/sexuality/index.html\n\nA group of sex-positive, anti-censorship feminists created this site in order to give voice to women's stories about sex, contraception, menstruation, pregnancy and sexual identity.\n"}
{"input": "  Compile a list of resources related to safer sex, including organizations, hotlines, and web sites. Provide the contact information, such as the address, phone number, and URL, for each resource. The descriptions should highlight the purpose of the resource, the target audience, and any unique features or services it offers.", "response": "\n\n##  Safer Sex Resources\n\nAmerican Social Health Association\n\nP.O. Box 13827   \nResearch Triangle Park, NC 27709   \n(919) 361-8400\n\n  \n\n\nBoston Women's Health Book Collective\n\nwww.ourbodiesourselves.org/\n\n  \n\n\nCenters for Disease Control National AIDS Clearinghouse\n\nP.O. Box 6003   \nRockville, MD 20849-6003   \n(800) 342-AIDS   \nwww.cdcnac.com\n\n  \n\n\nLesbian's Safer Sex Guide\n\nwww.safersex.org/women/lesbianss.html\n\nNational STD Hotline  \n(800) 227-8922\n\n  \n\n\nNational AIDS Hotline  \n(800) 342-2437\n\n  \n\n\nPlanned Parenthood\n\n(800) 230-PLAN   \nwww.ppfa.org\n\n  \n\n\nSafer Sex Page\n\nwww.safersex.org/\n\n  \n\n\nSTD Homepage\n\nwww.grin.net/~sycamore/std/index.html\n\n  \n\n\nWomen's Safer Sex Guide\n\nwww.safersex.org/women.safersex\n"}
{"input": "   Create a list of resources related to sex education, including organizations, support groups, and hotlines. Provide detailed descriptions for each resource, including its name, purpose, contact information such as address, phone number, and email or website, and any unique features or services it offers. The target audience should also be indicated, such as women, LGBTQ+ individuals, or the general public.", "response": "\n\n##  Sex Education Resources, Organizations, and Hotlines\n\nThe Exiles\n\nA social and educational organization in San Francisco for women with a positive personal interest in S/M between women.\n\nP.O. Box 31266   \nSan Francisco, CA 94131-0266   \n(415) 487-5170   \nexiles@theexiles.org   \nwww.theexiles.org\n\n  \n\n\nHuman Awareness Institute\n\nAn organization that produces workshops on love, intimacy, and sexuality.\n\n1730 S. Amphlett Boulevard, Suite 225   \nSan Mateo, CA 94402-2712   \n(415) 571-5524, (800) 800-4117   \nwww.hai.org   \noffice@hai.org\n\n  \n\n\nInstitute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS)\n\nSchool with a postgraduate degree program in human sexuality studies. IASHS also produces educational pamphlets, books, and videos and safer sex supply kits.\n\n1523 Franklin Street   \nSan Francisco, CA 94109\n\n  \n\n\nThe Kinsey Institute\n\nIndiana University   \nBloomington, IN 47405   \nwww.indiana.edu/~kinsey/\n\n  \n\n\nLesbian Sex Mafia\n\nFounded in 1981, Lesbian Sex Mafia is a support and information group for lesbian, bisexual, heterosexual and transsexual women interested in S/M.\n\nlsmnyc@hotmail.com   \nmembers.aol.com/lpnnyc/lsm.html\n\n  \n\n\nLos Angeles Sex Education Resources  \n(213) 486-4421\n\n  \n\n\nThe Body Electric School   \n6527A Telegraph Avenue   \nOakland, CA 94609-1113   \n(510) 653-1594   \nwww.bodyelec@aolcom\n\n  \n\n\nSan Francisco Sex Information\n\nP.O. Box 881254   \nSan Francisco, CA 94188-1254   \n(415) 989-7374   \nwww.sfsi.org\n\n  \n\n\nThe Sex Institute\n\n513 Broadway   \nNew York, NY 10012   \n(212) 674-7111\n\n  \n\n\nSexuality Information and Education Council of the U.S. (SIECUS)\n\nA national, nonprofit advocacy organization that develops, collects, and disseminates information, promotes comprehensive education about sexuality, and advocates the rights of individuals to make responsible sexual choices.\n\n130 W. 42nd Street, Suite 350   \nNew York, NY 10036-7802   \n(212) 819-9770   \nwww.siecus.org   \nsiecus@siecus.org\n\n  \n\n\nThe Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS)\n\nAn international organization dedicated to the advancement of knowledge about sexuality.\n\nP.O. Box 208   \nMount Vernon, IA 52314   \n(319) 895-8407   \nwww.ssc.wisc.edu/ssss/\n\n  \n\n\nSan Francisco Sex Information\n\nwww.sfsi.org   \n(415) 989-SFSI   \nFree information and referral switchboard   \nproviding anonymous, accurate, non-   \njudgmental information about sex.\n\n  \n\n\nSkyDancing Tantra International, Inc.\n\n524 San Anselmo Avenue, Suite 133   \nSan Anselmo, CA 94960   \n(415) 456-7310   \nwww.skydancingtantra.com   \nFounded by Margot Anand, Sky Dancing   \nTantra offers workshops in sexuality and   \nspirituality for singles and couples   \ninternationally.\n"}
{"input": "    Create a list of sex toy stores and mail order resources. Provide detailed descriptions for each resource, including its name, type of products offered (such as toys, books, videos, or lingerie), and any unique features or services it offers. Also include the contact information such as address, phone number, and email or website for each resource. Organize the list by location, including both retail stores and online or mail order options.", "response": "\n\n##  Sex Toy Stores and Mail Order Resources\n\nAdam and Eve\n\nMail-order catalog of toys, videos, and lingerie.\n\nP.O. Box 200   \nCarrboro, NC 27510   \n(919) 644-1212   \n(800) 274-0333   \nwww.aeonline.com\n\n  \n\n\nA Woman's Touch\n\nA feminist retail store of toys, books, and safer sex supplies.\n\n600 Williamson Street   \nMadison, WI 53703   \n(608) 250-1928   \nwmstouch@midplains.com\n\n  \n\n\nBlowfish\n\nMail-order catalog of toys, books, and videos.\n\n2261 Market Street #284   \nSan Francisco, CA 94114-1600   \n(415) 285-6064   \n(800) 325-2569   \nwww.blowfish.com   \ninfo@blowfish.com\n\n  \n\n\nCome Again Erotic Emporium\n\nStore and mail-order catalog of toys, books, and lingerie.\n\n353 E. 53rd Street   \nNew York, NY 10022   \n(212) 308-9394\n\n  \n\n\nCome As You Are\n\nCo-operatively owned store and mail-order catalog of toys and books. Web site features resources on sex and disability.\n\n701 Queen Street West   \nToronto, Ontario   \nCanada M6J 1E6   \n(416) 504-7934\n\n  \n\n\nCondomania  \nRetail stores and mail-order catalog of\n\ncondoms and safer sex supplies.\n\nwww.condomania.com   \n7306 Melrose Avenue   \nLos Angeles, CA   \n(213) 933-7865   \n351 Bleecker Street   \nNew York, NY   \n(212) 691-9442\n\n  \n\n\nEve's Garden\n\nWoman-oriented store and catalog of toys, books, and videos.\n\n119 W. 57th Street #420   \nNew York, NY 10019-2383   \n(212) 757-8651   \n(800) 848-3837   \nwww.evesgarden.com   \nevesgarden@focusint.com\n\n  \n\n\nForbidden Fruit\n\nRetail store of condoms, lubes, toys, and fetish wear.\n\n512 Neches   \nAustin, TX 78701   \n(512) 487-8358\n\n  \n\n\nGood Vibrations\n\nRetail stores and mail-order catalog of books, toys, and videos.\n\n  \n\n\nStore:   \n1210 Valencia Street   \nSan Francisco, CA 94110   \n(415) 974-8980\n\n  \n\n\nStore:   \n2504 San Pablo Avenue   \nBerkeley, CA 94702   \n(510) 841-8987\n\n  \n\n\nMail-order:   \n938 Howard Street #101   \nSan Francisco, CA 94103   \n(415) 974-8990   \n(800) 289-8423   \nwww.goodvibes.com   \ngoodvibe@well.com\n\n  \n\n\nGrand Opening!\n\nRetail store and mail order catalog of books, toys, and videos.\n\n318 Harvard Street #32, Arcade Building   \nCoolidge Corner, Brookline, MA 02146   \n(617) 731-2626   \nwww.grandopening.com   \ngrando@tiac.net\n\n  \n\n\nIt's My Pleasure\n\nFeminist retail store of toys, books, and videos.\n\n4258 SE Hawthorne Boulevard   \nPortland, OR 97215   \n(503) 236-0505\n\n  \n\n\nPassionflower\n\nRetail store.   \n4 Yosemite Avenue   \nOakland, CA 94611   \n(510) 601-7750\n\n  \n\n\nStormy Leather\n\nRetail store of toys and clothing, specializing in leather and fetish wear.\n\n1158 Howard Street   \nSan Francisco, CA 94103   \n(415) 626-1672   \nwww.stormyleather.com   \ninfo@www.stormyleather.com\n\n  \n\n\nToys in Babeland\n\nRetail store and catalog of toys, books, and videos.\n\n  \n\n\n711 E. Pike Street   \nSeattle, WA 98122   \n(206) 328-2914   \n(800) 658-9119   \nBabeland@aol.com,   \nletters@babeland.com   \nwww.babeland.com\n\n  \n\n\n94 Rivington Street   \nNew York City, NY 10002   \n( 212) 375-1701   \nbiglove@babeland.com\n\n  \n\n\nWomyn's Ware\n\nRetail store and catalog of toys, books, and fetish gear.\n\nVancouver, Canada   \nwww.womynsware.com\n\n  \n\n\nXandria Collection  \nMail-order catalogs of toys, books, and videos.\n\n165 Valley Drive   \nBrisbane, CA 94005   \n(415) 468-3812   \n(800) 242-282\n"}
{"input": " Write a glossary or index for a book on sexual health and healing. Each entry should include the term being defined and a brief explanation or context for its relevance to the topic. Some entries may have multiple sub-entries or related terms. Present the terms in alphabetical order.", "response": "\n\n## \n\nA\n\n  \n\n\n\"acting out\" abuse;\n\non other children,\n\non pets\n\nin S/M\n\nacupuncture\n\naddictions\n\nadrenaline\n\nage play\n\nalcohol use\n\nAlcoholics Anonymous\n\nAllies in Healing\n\nAllione, Tsultrim\n\nanal beads,\n\nanal plug, see butt plug\n\nanal sex\n\nanalingus, see rimming\n\nAnand, Margot\n\nanatomy;\n\nfemale;\n\nmale\n\nandrogyny,\n\nanger\n\nduring sex;\n\nexpressed safely\n\nantibacterial soap\n\nantidepressants\n\nanti-Semitism\n\nanus\n\narousal;\n\nduring abuse;\n\nsee also orgasm\n\nArt of Sexual Ecstasy, The\n"}
{"input": " Write a glossary or index for chapter B of a book on sexual health and healing. Each entry should include the term being defined and a brief explanation or context for its relevance to the topic. Some entries may have multiple sub-entries or related terms. Present the terms in alphabetical order.", "response": "\n\n## \n\nB\n\n  \n\n\nballs\n\nBass, Ellen\n\nbeing present\n\nBest American Erotica\n\nBest Lesbian Erotica\n\nbisexual\n\nbladder,\n\nBlank, Joani,\n\nblindfolds\n\nblood\n\nblow job, see fellatio\n\nblue balls,\n\nBody Electric School\n\nBody Hug exercise\n\nbody image\n\nbody memories\n\nbondage,\n\nsee also S/M\n\nbottom\n\nBottoming Book, The\n\nboundaries ;\n\nwith sex educators;\n\nwith therapists\n\nbreasts\n\nbreathing Bright, Susie butt plug\n"}
{"input": " Write a glossary or index for chapter C of a book on sexual health and healing. Each entry should include the term being defined and a brief explanation or context for its relevance to the topic. Some entries may have multiple sub-entries or related terms. Present the terms in alphabetical order.\n\nNote: There is a repetition of the term 'chlamydia' with different spellings. Please ensure that the correct spelling is used in your response.", "response": "\n\n## \n\nC\n\n  \n\n\ncancer\n\ncaning\n\nCartesian philosophy\n\ncelibacy\n\ncentering\n\nceremony\n\ncervical cancer\n\ncervix\n\nchakra\n\nchecking out, see dissociation\n\nchildhood sexual abuse\n\nchildbirth\n\nchild development\n\nChinese texts\n\nchlamydia\n\nchoice; see also consent\n\nchod\n\nChristianity\n\nclamydia\n\nclass\n\ncleanliness\n\nclitoris\n\nclittickler\n\nclothespins\n\ncompassion\n\ncome cup\n\n\"come hither\" motion\n\ncommunication\n\ncondoms;\n\nfemale;\n\nlambskin\n\nConrad, Emilie\n\nconsent;\n\ncommunicating;\n\ncontradictory feelings;\n\nembodied;\n\ninformed;\n\nand S/M\n\nContinuum\n\ncoronal ridge\n\ncorpus cavernosa\n\ncorpus spongiosum\n\nCourage to Heal, The\n\nCrisco\n\ncrura\n\ncrying\n\ncunnilingus;\n\nand triggers\n\ncyber sex\n"}
{"input": " Write a glossary or index for chapter D of a book on sexual health and healing. Each entry should include the term being defined and a brief explanation or context for its relevance to the topic. Some entries may have multiple sub-entries or related terms. Present the terms in alphabetical order.", "response": "\n\n## \n\nD\n\n  \n\n\nDavis, Laura\n\ndental dams\n\ndepression\n\ndesire;\n\ncomplexity of;\n\ncontradictions in;\n\ndiversity of;\n\nembodied;\n\nexploring one's own;\n\nand fantasy;\n\nhealthy;\n\ntroublesome\n\ndildos;\n\nand condoms;\n\nand fellatio;\n\nsilicone\n\ndisclosing the abuse\n\ndissociation,\n\nhealing;\n\nphysiology of;\n\nas response to trauma;\n\nreturning;\n\nas survival mechanism;\n\ntracking\n\nDiva\n\nDodson, Betty\n\ndomestic violence\n\ndouche\n\ndrug use\n"}
{"input": " Write a glossary or index for chapter E of a book on sexual health and healing. Each entry should include the term being defined and a brief explanation or context for its relevance to the topic. Some entries may have multiple sub-entries or related terms. Present the terms in alphabetical order.", "response": "\n\n## \n\nE\n\n  \n\n\nEastern philosophy\n\nedge play\n\nejaculation;\n\nfemale\n\nElders, Joycelan\n\nembodied healing\n\nembodiment practices\n\n  \n\n\nemotional flexibility\n\nemotional logic\n\nemotions;\n\nas bodily sensations;\n\ncentering;\n\ncompleting;\n\ncontradictory;\n\nstages of;\n\nhealing;\n\n\"held\"\n\nsourcing;\n\nwitnesses to\n\nendorphins\n\nenema\n\nerection\n\nErotic Noire\n\nerotica\n\nErotica: A Journey into Women's Sexuality\n\nexcitement\n\nexhibitionism\n"}
{"input": " Write a glossary or index for chapter F of a book on sexual health and healing. Each entry should include the term being defined and its relevance to the topic. Some entries may have multiple sub-entries or related terms. Present the terms in alphabetical order.", "response": "\n\n## \n\nF\n\n  \n\n\nfantasies;\n\ngender;\n\npunishment;\n\nrape;\n\nrelated to abuse\n\nfear;\n\nduring sex\n\nfeces\n\nFeeding the Triggers exercise\n\nfellatio;\n\nand abuse;\n\nand triggers\n\nfeminism\n\nfibroid tumors\n\nfinger fucking\n\nfisting\n\nflashbacks\n\nflirting\n\nflogger\n\nfood addiction\n\nforeskin\n\nFrench kissing\n"}
{"input": "  Write a glossary or index for chapter G of a book on sexual health and healing. Each entry should include the term being defined and its relevance to the topic. Some entries may have multiple sub-entries or related terms. Present the terms in alphabetical order.", "response": "\n\n## \n\nG\n\n  \n\n\ngay\n\nGenital Healing exercise\n\ngenital warts\n\ngiving head, see oral sex\n\ngloves\n\nGood Vibrations\n\nGrafenberg, Ernst\n\ngrief ;\n\nduring sex\n\nG-spot\n\nG-spotter\n\nguilt\n\ngynecological issues and care\n"}
{"input": " Write a glossary or index for chapter H of a book on sexual health and healing. Each entry should include the term being defined and its relevance to the topic. Some entries may have multiple sub-entries or related terms. Present the terms in alphabetical order.", "response": "\n\n## \n\nH\n\n  \n\n\nHakomi\n\nharness;\n\nthigh\n\nHartley, Nina\n\nhealing, defined\n\nHerman, Judith Lewis\n\nHerotica\n\nherpes\n\nheterosexuality\n\nHitachi Magic Wand\n\nHitler, Adolph\n\nHIV\n\nHolocaust survivors,\n\nhomosexuality\n\nHPV\n\nHues\n\nhydrogen peroxide\n\nhysterical paroxysm\n"}
{"input": " Write a glossary or index for chapter I of a book on sexual health and healing. Each entry should include the term being defined and its relevance to the topic. Some entries may have multiple sub-entries or related terms. Present the terms in alphabetical order.", "response": "\n\n## \n\nI\n\n  \n\n\nimages of abuse\n\nimmune-deficiency disorders\n\nimmune system;\n\nemotional,\n\ninner child\n\nintegration, defined\n\nInternational Conference on Somatics\n\nintestine\n\nintimacy ;\n\nbuilding;\n\nas different from sensitivity;\n\nwith self\n"}
{"input": " Write a glossary or index for chapter K of a book on sexual health and healing. Each entry should include the term being defined and its relevance to the topic. Some entries may have multiple sub-entries or related terms. Present the terms in alphabetical order.", "response": "\n\n## \n\nK\n\n  \n\n\nKama Sutra\n\nkegel exercise\n\nKing, Serge Kahali\n\nKinsey Institute New Report on Sex\n\nkissing\n\nKramer, Joseph\n"}
{"input": " Write a glossary or index for chapter L of a book on sexual health and healing. Each entry should include the term being defined and its relevance to the topic. Some entries may have multiple sub-entries or related terms. Present the terms in alphabetical order.", "response": "\n\n## \n\nL\n\n  \n\n\nlabia\n\nlabia majora\n\nlabia minora\n\nlatex;\n\nallergies\n\nleather\n\nlesbians\n\nlibido\n\nlingum\n\nLomi School\n\nlonging\n\nloss, see grief\n\nlove potions\n\nlubricants ;\n\noil based;\n\nwater based\n"}
{"input": " Write a glossary or index for chapter M of a book on sexual health and healing. Each entry should include the term being defined and its relevance to the topic. Some entries may have multiple sub-entries or related terms. Present the terms in alphabetical order.", "response": "\n\n## \n\nM\n\n  \n\n\nMadonna\n\nmaking noise\n\nmale survivors,\n\nManning, Michael\n\nMarquis d'clips\n\nmartial arts\n\nmarriage\n\nMasters and Johnson\n\nmasturbation;\n\ncompulsive;\n\nas healing tool;\n\nmutual;\n\nsacred;\n\nand triggers\n\nmeditation\n\nmemories\n\nmenstrual, blood;\n\ncycle;\n\nirregularities\n\nMiller, Alice\n\nminimizing\n\nMiraculous Mooshy Massage\n\nmistakes\n\nmonogamy\n\nmotivations for healing\n\nmovement\n"}
{"input": " Write a glossary or index for chapter N of a book on sexual health and healing. Each entry should include the term being defined and its relevance to the topic. Some entries may have multiple sub-entries or related terms. Present the terms in alphabetical order.", "response": "\n\n## \n\nN\n\n  \n\n\nNative American\n\nnegotiation;\n\nand choosing partners;\n\nand consent;\n\nand S/M\n\nNew Good Vibrations Guide to Sex, The\n\nNewman, Felice,\n\nNew View of a Woman's Body, A\n\nnipple clamps\n\nnipples, see breasts\n\nnitrile\n\nnonmonogamy\n\nnutrition\n"}
{"input": " Write a glossary or index for chapter O of a book on sexual health and healing. Each entry should include the term being defined and its relevance to the topic. Some entries may have multiple sub-entries or related terms. Present the terms in alphabetical order.", "response": "\n\n## \n\nO\n\n  \n\n\nOberlin College,\n\nonline support\n\nOn Our backs\n\noral sex,\n\nsee also cunnilingus and fellatio\n\norgasm ;\n\nclitoral;\n\nduring abuse;\n\nextended;\n\nmultiple;\n\nand penetration;\n\nand S/M;\n\nvaginal\n\nOster\n\nOur Bodies, Ourselves for the New Century\n\n  \n\n\novaries\n\nOvereaters Anonymous\n\nOy of Sex, The\n"}
{"input": " Write a glossary or index for chapter P of a book on sexual health and healing. Each entry should include the term being defined and its relevance to the topic. Some entries may have multiple sub-entries or related terms. Present the terms in alphabetical order.", "response": "\n\n## \n\nP\n\n  \n\n\npain play, see S/M\n\npansexual\n\npartners;\n\nhonesty;\n\nchoosing;\n\nfinding;\n\nnegotiation;\n\npressure from;\n\nrisk factors;\n\nself-care;\n\nand trigger plan\n\nPC muscle\n\npelvic pain\n\nPelvic Rock exercise\n\npenetration;\n\nanal;\n\nand triggers;\n\nvaginal\n\npenis ;\n\nas trigger\n\nperineum\n\nphone sex\n\nplastic wrap\n\nplateau\n\nplay parties\n\npleasure;\n\nduring abuse;\n\nunfamiliar\n\nPleasure in the Word\n\npolitical organizing,\n\npolitical prisoners\n\npolyamory\n\npolyurethane\n\npornography;\n\nindustry;\n\nlesbian;\n\nwoman-made\n\npositions\n\npower play, see S/M\n\npre-come\n\npreorgasmic\n\nprostate gland\n\npsychoanalysis\n\npubic bone\n\npubococcygeus muscle, see PC Muscle\n\nPVC\n"}
{"input": " Write a glossary or index for chapter R of a book on sexual health and healing. Each entry should include the term being defined and its relevance to the topic. Some entries may have multiple sub-entries or related terms. Present the terms in alphabetical order.", "response": "\n\n## \n\nR\n\n  \n\n\nrace\n\nrage, see anger\n\nRancho Strozzi Institute\n\nrape\n\nraphe\n\nRecovery Systems Inc.\n\nrectosigmoidal junction\n\nrectum\n\nReich, Willhelm\n\nrelationships\n\nrelaxation practices\n\nreligious beliefs\n\nreproductive health\n\nresolution\n\nrimming\n\nrisk, healthy;\n\nand STDs\n\nrisk factors\n\nritual\n\nrole-playing\n\nRosen Method Bodywork\n\nRoyalle, Candida\n\nRubenfeld Synergy\n"}
{"input": " Write a glossary or index for chapter S of a book on sexual health and healing. Each entry should include the term being defined and its relevance to the topic. Some entries may have multiple sub-entries or related terms. Present the terms in alphabetical order.", "response": "\n\n## \n\nS\n\n  \n\n\nsacred spot, see G-spot\n\nsadomasochism, see S/M\n\nsafer sex ;\n\nand communication;\n\nand consent;\n\neroticizing\n\nsafety;\n\ndefined;\n\nand dissociation;\n\ninternal;\n\nand partner sex;\n\nphysical;\n\nand sexual healing;\n\nand S/M\n\nsafeword\n\nsaliva\n\nSan Francisco Sex Information\n\nsavior and patient roles\n\nscrotum\n\nsecrecy\n\nself-,\n\nacknowledgment;\n\nblame ;\n\ncare;\n\ndenial;\n\ndestruction;\n\nempowered;\n\nesteem;\n\nforgiveness;\n\nhate;\n\nhelp groups;\n\nknowledge;\n\nloving, see masturbation;\n\npermission;\n\npleasuring date;\n\nreferential;\n\nrespect\n\nSelfloving\n\nSemans, Anne\n\nsemen\n\nseminal vesicle\n\nsensation\n\nsensory play, see S/M\n\nserial monogamy\n\nSex\n\nsex,\n\naddiction;\n\nconsensual;\n\ndifferent from abuse;\n\neducation ;\n\nnonconsensual;\n\nand S/M;\n\ntaking a break;\n\ntalking about;\n\nunwanted;\n\nwith partners\n\nSex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA)\n\n  \n\n\nsex basics checklist\n\nsex education manuals\n\nSex Guide Exercises\n\nsex-negativity\n\nsex-positivity\n\nsex toys;\n\nanal;\n\ncleaning;\n\nand condoms;\n\nflanged;\n\nand masturbation;\n\nS/M\n\nsex toy stores\n\nsexual aversion\n\nsexual compulsion\n\nsexual dysfunction\n\nsexual empowerment\n\nsexual energy\n\nSexual Expression Permission Slip\n\nsexual healing;\n\nprocess of;\n\nvision of\n\nsexual response cycle,\n\nsexually transmitted diseases (STDs)\n\nSexuality Library\n\nshame\n\nSheiner, Marcy\n\nsigmoid colon\n\nsleep\n\nSluts and Goddesses Video Workshop\n\nS/M\n\nand healing;\n\nand safety;\n\ntoys;\n\nand triggers;\n\nand violence\n\nsolitude\n\nsoma\n\nSomatic Experiencing\n\nsomatics\n\nsomatic practices, see embodiment practices\n\nsourcing\n\nspanking\n\nsperm\n\nsphincter muscles\n\nspirituality\n\nsports\n\nSprinkle, Annie\n\nsteam power massager\n\nStormy Leather\n\nSunbeam\n\nsupport\n\nsurrender\n\nsurvival strategies\n\nsurvivor's guilt\n"}
{"input": " Write a glossary or index for chapter T of a book on sexual health and healing. Each entry should include the term being defined and its relevance to the topic. Some entries may have multiple sub-entries or related terms. Present the terms in alphabetical order.", "response": "\n\n## \n\nT\n\n  \n\n\ntaboo\n\nTamalpa Institute\n\ntantra\n\nTaormino, Tristan\n\nTara Mandala Retreat Center\n\ntension\n\ntestes\n\ntesticles\n\ntestosterone\n\ntherapy\n\nTibetan meditation\n\ntop\n\nTopping Book, The\n\ntorture\n\ntransgendered\n\ntranssexual\n\ntransvestite\n\ntrauma ;\n\nand inability to orgasm\n\nTrauma and Recovery: The Aftermath Of\n\nViolence-From Domestic Abuse To Political\n\n  \n\n\nTerror\n\ntraumatic amnesia\n\nTrigger Plan\n\ntriggers;\n\navoiding;\n\nand communication;\n\nand cunnilingus;\n\ndefined;\n\nand dissociation;\n\nembracing;\n\nand fellatio;\n\nand intimacy;\n\nas map to recovery;\n\nand masturbation;\n\nand partner sex;\n\nand penetration;\n\nand S/M;\n\ntools for healing;\n\ntracking;\n\ntribadism\n\ntrust;\n\ncompetency;\n\ncongruency;\n\nconsistency;\n\nself-;\n\nTwelve-Step programs\n"}
{"input": "  Continue writing the glossary or index for chapter U of a book on sexual health and healing. Each entry should include the term being defined and its relevance to the topic. Some entries may have multiple sub-entries or related terms. Present the terms in alphabetical order.", "response": "\n\n## \n\nU\n\n  \n\n\nUltimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women, The \n\nunprotected sex;\n\nand sexual compulsion\n\nurethra,\n\nurethral sponge, see G-spot\n\nurinary tract infection\n\nurine\n\nuterus\n"}
{"input": "   Continue writing the glossary or index for chapter V of a book on sexual health and healing. Each entry should include the term being defined and its relevance to the topic. Some entries may have multiple sub-entries or related terms. Present the terms in alphabetical order.", "response": "\n\n## \n\nV\n\n  \n\n\nvagina\n\nvaginal fluids\n\nvaginal infection\n\nvagina/penis intercourse\n\nvaginismus\n\nvanilla\n\nVaseline\n\nVelcro\n\nvibrators;\n\nattachments;\n\nbattery-operated;\n\nand condoms;\n\ncoil operated;\n\nelectric;\n\nand masturbation;\n\nas medical devices;\n\nmotor;\n\nand orgasm;\n\nand penetration;\n\nrechargeable\n\nvideos\n\nviolence\n\nvirgin, defined\n\nvirgin/whore complex\n\nvision\n\nVixen Creations\n\nvoyeurism\n\nvulnerability\n\nvulva\n"}
{"input": "    Continue writing the glossary or index for chapter W of a book on sexual health and healing. Each entry should include the term being defined and its relevance to the topic. Some entries may have multiple sub-entries or related terms. Present the terms in alphabetical order.", "response": "\n\n## \n\nW\n\n  \n\n\nwar veterans\n\nwax\n\nweight issues\n\nWestern culture\n\nwhipping\n\nWinks, Cathy\n\nWomen's Guide to Sex on the Web, The \n\n  \n\n\nwomen's sexuality\n"}
{"input": "     Continue writing the glossary or index for chapter Y of a book on sexual health and healing. Each entry should include the term being defined and its relevance to the topic. Some entries may have multiple sub-entries or related terms. Present the terms in alphabetical order.", "response": "\n\n## \n\nY\n\n  \n\n\nyeast infection\n\n\"Yes,\" \"No,\" \"Maybe\"\n\nyoga\n\nyoni\n"}
{"input": " Write a biography for the author of a nonfiction book on sexual healing, including their professional background, areas of expertise, current role, contact information, and any other relevant details.", "response": "\n\nAbout the Author\n\nStaci Haines leads workshops and trainings in sexual healing for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. She is a Lomi somatics practitioner and a certified Neuro-Linguistic Programming master practitioner, specializing in work with people who have experienced trauma such as sexual abuse. She is an associate at Rancho Strozzi Institute. Staci Haines is a trained sex educator and a former manager of Good Vibrations, the \"clean well-lighted place to buy sex toys.\" She is the founder of the Child Sexual Abuse Strategic Action Project, which organizes to end child sexual abuse and advocates for adult survivors of abuse. She lives in San Francisco.\n\nStaci Haines is available for lectures, workshops, and classes. Contact her at 584 Castro Street, PMB 640, San Francisco, CA 94119-2594 or e-mail her at stacihaines@earthlink.net.\n"}